#i'm not mentally stable enough to deal with this and none of it is on them and i won't put any of it on them because that's evil

[seapasture]

I hate myself and I fuck everything up and I love clearly having a genre of mental illness that is just horrible and so divisive that I should honestly be poked with a cattle prod every couple of days because my lived experience is just the embodiment of tropes people live to see in fictional characters but in reality it's agony and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone because I will simply drive everyone away and hurt everyone

[southparktegreity]

♡ what they look for in a girl

[stan marsh x reader] ; [kyle brof. x reader]

[kenny mc. x reader] ; [leopold butters stotch x reader]

[tolkien b. x reader] 🟊

gender : female cws : minor nsfw

requested : yes! thank you anon ! relationship : none mentioned

authors note : i wanted to write what they look for in personality traits, instead of appearance, hope that was okay!

NOTICE : as always, these characters are aged up to be in college 19/20+!

stanley marsh :

♡ i feel like he'd really want someone who is comfortable with silence, like being alone together in the same room doing separate things, yet enjoying each others presence. i think quiet time/being able to be around each other while being quiet is important to him, since he has to deal with so much talking in south park in general.

♡ i also think he's want someone who's really stable in his life. like he wouldn't necessarily want a girl who's always mentally stable, but more like he wants to be able to depend on someone especially during harder moments when he's struggling. he’d want to find stability in your relationship.

♡ definitely wants a girl who can take their relationship seriously but also who can kind of be playful at times. since stan is kind of a ticking time bomb, he'll want someone who's kind of also emotionally smart enough to tell when something is off with him because he struggles with expressing those same emotions.

♡ trust. this one is probably the biggest one for stan, he needs stability and trust in a relationship with anyone. he needs to be able to trust you'll be honest with him.

♡ i think all of this combined with support and love for him is what he looks for in a partner :)

kyle broflovski :

♡ as i'm sure everyone knows, he'd want someone very family oriented! even if you aren't close with your own family, as long as you care about having a family in the future, or are close to his own family i think that's good enough for him.

♡ would also really want someone to be on good terms with his mom and ike, since his dad is fairly easy to get along with and his mom is very much the head of the household - he'd want a girl to get along with her - even if that means looking at his baby photos with her.

♡ also would want someone who might be interested in religion, or at the very least doesn't make fun of him for his own.

♡ looks for communication in relationships, especially if he did something wrong? he’d want to know as soon as it happened. he’s probably a bit worried of losing you, or being abandoned by you because of heidi and that whole situation, so someone who can easily communicate their issues are reassure him everything is okay and stable in their relationship is perfect for him.

♡ i get the impression that his standards are kind of on the floor, with his mistreatment from cartman and heidi both, he just wants someone who won't leave him or make fun of him or his insecurities.

kenny mccormick :

♡ definitely wants a girl who will try anything once, if you catch my drift. especially if you'll initiate it as well? or seem invested in trying something new with him :)

♡ i feel like he’d really like someone to crack jokes with. i think he shares eric’s similar sense of humor but doesn’t actually want to full blown do the whole ‘eric’ thing all the time (ie dealing with cartman). sometimes i think he just wants to make a lil bit of fun with you! you know?

♡ he’d probably also want someone who’s a little more on the adventurous side, who’s probably a bit ambitious, again someone who’d be willing to try anything once. he probably really wants someone around who can also have their own wild side!

♡ also probably looks for someone who is kind to karen, especially if it means her crashing your guys dates.

♡ overall i feel like he doesn't have a huuuge preference, but more like he just wants someone he can get along with! definitely someone with a sense of humor similar to him.

leopold butters stotch :

♡ this is just my totally personal opinion but i feel like he'd really like someone also outgoing and also understanding? he might always be worried he's messing up or something while being with you, but would want you to be understanding when he makes a mistake.

♡ a little bit of chaos goes a long way. someone who will be able to create a little chaos with him from time to time would definitely be something he wants in a girl.

♡ playful intimacy, he doesn't wanna feel insecure with those intimate moments he has with you, but i think a little bit of playfulness with each other would totally brighten his day.

♡ i feel like he'd really look for a sense of belonging in a girl, somewhere where he fits in, and feels safe. since he doesn't get a lot of that at home, he'd really want to feel far from his home around a girl.

♡ to be honest i don't think butters thinks too much about what he wants, it just kind of happens for him.

tolkien black :

♡ i feel like tolkien probably looks for someone who's really good at communicating. he'd want to avoid any and all drama, considering he's got enough of it just living in south park normally.

♡ this one is kind of a given, but i feel like he'd want a girl who's more on the mature side, similar to stan but in a different way. he'd want a girl with more of her own interests and things that she enjoys. he really wants someone who's able to talk to him about mature things and not have to be worried too much that you won't take it seriously.

♡ someone self confident i imagine, i think he already has enough going on that he doesn't necessarily want to be worried about you on top of his family and everything else. which isn't to say he won't support you during your down moments, but being confident in yourself is probably a big one for him.

♡ this all ties in with the other ones, but self reliance and being good to yourself is probably big for him, again he doesn't wanna be in charge of you but will definitely take care of you when you need it - you know?

♡ overall, he just wants someone who's a bit normal or at least a bit less hectic or crazy than the rest of south park.

[mocsbylexan]

Krama, Toa of Twilight

teachings_draft_1.crn //: LOAD NEXT PASSAGE

Eighth lesson: To hone your inner light, you must accept your inner shadow. To control your inner shadow, you must remember your inner light.

log_231.de //: RESUME PLAYBACK

T: What are you looking over there for? V: I'm… reading what you wrote. The beginning of it anyways. T: By all means. I could use an editor I think. V: … T: … V: … Few regrets, hm? T: Few. Not none. V: … How is Krama doing, turaga? T: I… believe he is improving. Slowly. Did you get any results back from the Ghosts on his protodermis sample? V: Nothing that's useful. All they can say is that he has less light left than the others. They haven't figured out how much yet. T: As if we didn't know that already. V: How exactly is he improving? Is his mental state more stable? T: Like I said, slowly. I think the new thoughts he's been dealing with since the procedure frighten him. But it's hard to tell with the way he expresses his emotions being so muted now. V: And his elemental powers? Has he regained some control of them? T: No. V: … T: … V: Is that thing you were telling me about with his mask still happening? T: Yes… It's strange. We focus on practicing his kanohi use most of the time because I think it's grounding for him. To still have at least one toa-like thing he can do. But the things he can do with that mask… V: You've worked with the first Toa Nuva, aren't you accustomed to strong kanohi powers? T: Even Artahka's kanohi Nuva don't match the level of power that that toa seems to be able to draw forth from a simple great mask. V: … Turaga, that kind of power with a Komau- T: I know. Sometimes I fear it will become dangerous enough that he'll turn away from even this in fear of what he might be capable of. V: Maybe we should get him a different mask to use. Something more positive. T: I've tried that. It doesn't even work with a different Komau. It has to be the one he's worn all his life. V: Really? Why? T: … I don't know. I've examined the mask in and out and it's unchanged. It's just a normal kanohi. V: … T: … V: The others worry about him, Turaga. T: I know. V: They try not to show it, but I can tell. They… they were expecting him to lead them. T: He did. He led them in his bravery, in being the first to undergo our… V: Our experiment. T: … V: Turaga, the future students that you're writing this chronicle for… do you plan to have them all drain some of their light? Once we're sure the process is perfected? T: … No, I think not. For certain we've seen that the procedure grants great power… V: … Control over two elements alone is incredible, let alone two of the most powerful… T: Yes, but to change oneself in such a way… I do not intend to push that upon anyone. The students may come and they may learn our ways, just as you learned them from me. There's no need for them to undergo such a drastic change. Unless they… seek to make such a sacrifice of their own volition, and with an understanding of what it means. V: Like these ones did. T: Yes. These students are… a very special team. I am not sure I can ever be grateful enough to their commitment to this project, even knowing what they risked. V: They did gain great power, turaga. T: And a heavy burden of duty. You know that. V: Yes. T: … V: … I should go to bed. Training will be hard tomorrow. T: As always. V: Yes. T: Goodnight, Viama. V: Goodnight, Turaga Tanma.

log_231.de //: CLOSE teachings_draft_1.crn //: CLOSE LOGOUT

[aphrodite1288]

Let's get real, kai is SM golden child. Among Exo, SM gave everything extra to him. Solo albums, brand deals, magazines, solo concert, variety shows and all, he always gets better opportunities and supports despite other members are more popular and talented than him. SM neglecting exo members but not kai. They just announced his solo VR concert next Jan. It's so obvious! Your boy must know how to suck sm bosses and sponsors d*ck .

The Jenkai was a media play, but not because jennie chose him. Hell no! Jennie is naturally beautiful, smart, educated, and comes from a super rich family. No way she wanted to "date" him. That's why she forced YG to end "their dating" early. She was so embarrassed.

If kai really care for kyungsoo, why would he agree to jenkai. He's just selfish, childish, needy, and arrogant. He doesn't deserve kyungsoo. I'm happy kyungsoo left sm and him. Kyungsoo deserved someone who is mature, stable, responsible n truly care for him, maybe like jo in sung or woobin. Look at how woobin protected kyungsoo from sasaeng camera. Kai will never do that.

First off I'm not reading all this,

So I'll reply to the first lines only, because I don't have the time to argue with illiterates,

Stop coming here if you're not brave enough to send me your IG for me to show you.

Secondly, Okay Blame SM why blaming the members?? They're just employees they do as what's in their schedules, they can't say no.

When Jongin was extra active was when all members were enlisted, he was the one who paid for most of his promotions, he was the one who contacted those shows personally to attend them to promote his albums, SM didn't want to even reprint his albums, and he had to even pay for printing his albums and pay many of his promotion from his own money, back to him being active during Exo's enlistment Hiatus, he was carrying the Exo name , it's a task remaining idol in a group does when everyone enlists to keep the band name trending in Monthly value for them to not be forgotten, and y'all should thank Ji for doing the job. he was overworked, because he indeed brings revenue and profit to SM, and he expressed how tired and anxious he was from the overwhelming schedules, he lost so much weight have you seen him, the man be ame a stick.

KAISOO and Baekhyun are the only members who were busy all year, not the other members. I think you should check their schedule. Even your Ksoo Oppa wasn't free look how many shows he attended he got a pretty decent promotion for his latest album. And before that he was busy filming three big projects. Ksoo was so busy. And you don't like the sound of that.

It's hard a to swallow pill, but your Ksoo Oppar was one of the Privileged ones in SM, you can tell that because he was constantly busy he was overworked as well and this is the second main reason back in 2019 he wanted to leave. Ksoo is the only member who was constantly busy, missing from Exo's schedules sometimes because he was busy filming his movies and drama's. The man had 3 majors movie and drama works in less than a year a half!? Who stopped him ? None! He was always saying in bubble that he was busy when members were filming shows they called him and Ji always asked him to send supportive message to "Jongdae" and "Xiumin" and many times members called him in their shows or lives and asked him if he has time to tall to them on the call or if he's busy filming.

How possibly busy could you want Ksoo to be?? He was so busy he barely slept?? You want to overwork him more than he was overworked? Is this how you support your idol? You should protect him? Do you even care for his mental and physical health? In terms of promotions blame that on SM they're doing shitty job promoting all their idols, except NCT&Aespa and they're being overworked as well. It's not their fault SM is the one giving them schedule. Why be mad at them? Let alone be mad at Exo whom r in the same shit as your Oppa .

Your Kyungsoo Oppa is the reason Jenkai lasted 24 days only Media play. That's the First main reason he beefed with SM, for minding his personal life. Second main reason was being overworked.

Stay pressed Patricia 🌚

[breathlesslink]

Chapter Eight — First Encounter

[chapter warnings: self doubt (what’s new), violence]

t.o.c ; << | >>

Link came back a few hours later, stocked up on potions and weapons. He didn't stay long, antsy to make it to Ploymus Mountain and into the Divine Beast by nightfall. He left with a small hug and reassurance that he'd be fine, but it did little to console you.

You knew that you'd agreed to let him handle the Ganon-related things, but it didn't stop you from worrying. This guy just woke up a few weeks ago out of a hundred-year sleep, was he really ready to face something that killed his teammates?

You had to hope for the best.

Kodah stayed by your side often, checking your leg and making sure everything was fine. It was— the healing potions did wonders on physical health.

Mentally? Not so much.

You wanted to beat yourself up.

You're traveling with the Hylian Champion of Hyrule. Appointed by Princess Zelda herself, destined to seal away Calamity Ganon once and for all.

And you got taken out by a Lizalfos with a shock arrow. How embarrassing.

Embarrassed was putting it lightly, actually. You were mad. Mad enough that when Kodah and her husband went to bed for the night you grabbed your weapons and snuck out, heading out to Ralis pond.

A blue Hinox was there— you overheard two travelers talking about it at the last stable. A real opponent would help you regain your skills, right?

You wanted to cringe as the gross monster came into view. It slept peacefully next to the pond, it's one eye closed and unaware of its surroundings. You analyzed the monster quickly— the eye would definitely be a weak spot. If you could blind it, then defeating it would be much easier—

"You just gonna stand and stare?"

"Motherfu-"

You whipped around, hearing the voice from behind you. Nothing was there.

"Hush, you're gonna wake it up."

There it was again. You turned around, eyeing the Hinox. Still asleep.

"Above you." The voice got sassy. "You're supposed to be the smart one, what happened to that?"

"What?"

You tilted your head up and in the branches of the trees above you sat a shadowy figure. It blended in with the darkness of the night and shadows of the trees, but you'd recognize the stance from anywhere. Your throat clenched.

Yiga.

"We've been looking for you, you know."

"Okay, and?" You rolled your eyes. You did not have time for this, especially when a large monster was on the precipice of waking up at any second. "I'm not going back."

"That's a shame," The Footsoldier chuckled, "You were always our favorite. So strong. It was a devastating blow when you took your siblings and ran. They weren't half as good as you, but they had so much potential."

"Don't talk about them."

"Awe, why not?" He was teasing you— trying to get a reaction. Trying to make you lose your cool. "That littlest one— Kimi, was it? Always such a sweetheart. Hiro was a bit much to deal with, such a bad attitude. Where are they now?"

"None of your business."

"I think it is my business, considering we know where Hiro is."

"What?”

"Oops! I've said too much. Say, why don't you go and show me how the wonderful protégé of Master Kohga fights?"

Without even giving you a second to think, the soldier took out his bow and fired an arrow towards the Hinox, striking it right in the arm. Its eye snapped open and it let out a roar loud enough to make the ground rumble. It spotted you.

"You asshole!" You turned back to the solider, but he was nowhere to be found.

The Hinox was standing up now, its hands gripping a large rock that it had picked up off the ground. You grabbed your bow and notched an arrow. Time to fight.

You barely had time to dodge the rock being hurled towards you, but muscle memory kicked in just in time. You rolled to the left, aiming an arrow at the monster and letting go.

The arrow didn't penetrate its eye, however. The Hinox seemed to anticipate your movements, using its large hand to cover its eye whenever you were ready to shoot your arrow. You looked around for another plan, and that was when you remembered what you'd read about them back in Gerudo Town.

Red Hinoxes were the easiest to defeat, having little strategy skills or defenses. Its only thoughts were to kill. Next were Blue Hinoxes, much like the one you were fighting against now. It was much more defensive and resourceful, and packed a larger punch. Lastly was a Black Hinox, considered the most powerful of the three. It was a guaranteed death at your strength if it were to hit you, and you were lucky you were only having to deal with the 2nd variation of the nasty monster.

Its shin-guards were made of wood, unlike the Black Hinox that may have steel ones. It would be an easy distraction if you just—

Notching a fire arrow, you aimed at the monster again. It covered its eye once more, prepared for another direct attack, but it never came. Instead, you quickly aimed downwards at its shin-guards. The Hinox looked down and noticing its armor was on fire, began batting at it in an attempt to extinguish the flame.

That was when you took initiative, drawing another arrow and hitting it directly in the eye. The Hinox fell over, groaning in pain, and you took the opportunity to pull out your Windcleaver.

It would be much more durable, able to easily cut through the Hinox's thick skin.

You jumped on its arm and made your way up to the Hinox's throat, putting all of your strength into slicing a clear cut through its throat. The Hinox yelled out again, loud enough that you instinctively covered your ears and slipped off of its body as the area around you rumbled.

And then, in a cloud of dust, it was gone.

Guts and weapons surrounded you, but you weren't too interested in them save for another bow.

Your pride felt a bit more established— at least you could still think on your feet pretty well. Your leg, however, didn't feel as good. The wound had most definitely opened back up, and you weren't looking forward to the chiding you would be getting from Kodah in the morning.

You decided then, you'd have another potion tonight while she slept, and hopefully would heal enough the rest of the night to avoid any questions.

You also decided that looking all over Hyrule for Hiro may not be the best route. As much as you hated to admit it, but you'd have to go back and face the one thing you prayed to never face again.

The Yiga.

———

You woke up late the next morning, choosing to forego breakfast in favor of a few extra hours of shut-eye. Fighting monsters at 1 in the morning takes a lot out of a girl. You blamed it on being tired from the injury. Not a complete lie.

Kodah dragged you out of bed at noon, claiming that you "couldn't waste the day away waiting for Link to come back".

You argued that you could, and would.

Instead, she took you to the pools behind the stairs of the throne room where the Zora children swam. You dipped your legs in the water, sitting on the edge as you both watched the kids with some of the other mothers.

"Aren't they just the cutest!" Kodah gushed, "Finley says he's too big to play with the little ones at the pool now. He wants to go out and explore outside, but he can't when it's so dangerous out there."

"It is." You agreed, "Hopefully, when Link is finished it will be much safer."

"Ah, the hero!" She turned to you, "How did such a lucky girl like you get to travel with the Champion of Hyrule?"

"It's not an interesting story, I promise." You smiled bashfully, "We just met in Kakariko Village. We were going the same route across Hyrule, so we figured it would be easy to travel together."

"That's it? You're telling me there's nothing else going on?"

"Uh, yes?" Your cheeks felt hot at her implications. "There's nothing else. We haven't known each other for very long, so there can't be anything else. That's not how that works."

"Wrong, little fish!" Her enthusiasm was beginning to freak you out, and you worried about how this conversation was going to go. "It can happen at any time, anywhere. Love at first sight is a real thing— it happened when I met Kayden."

"I'm sure it is, but I don't think it's the case here—"

"Just you wait. Before you know it, you'll be watching your own little ones run around."

You didn't respond, choosing to watch the Zora children instead. Kodah was right, and you did believe in love at first sight, but did you even deserve it? Especially with someone like Link?

You did grow up being taught that you were supposed to kill him. It felt like a betrayal on both sides for you to even be friends with him, much less eventually be with him.

After the life you've led, would you even want a spouse or kids? Or are you just too messed up for that to ever be a possibility?

And there it is again— it all leads back fo the Yiga. Every little thing. Even out of it, they seem to have an iron grip over your life, preventing you from truly living. From being totally free.

Would Link look at you differently if he knew? Would he trust you the same, knowing that your sole purpose up until a few years ago was to actively work against him and your home kingdom?

He has to know eventually. It would be better to tell him than to let him find out another way.

The thought of that made you nauseous.

"Do you think we should cook a big dinner tonight? He should be coming back soon, right?"

You'd never been more thankful for Kodah's talkativeness. "Yes! That would be perfect. He loves anything with riceballs, so maybe like a spicy fish riceball or something?"

"I have the perfect idea, let's go!"

[secretlywritingstories]

I spent three weeks of holiday chilling in my parents' summer house while letting my nails grow long. It wasn't really intentional at first. I don't really start to think about my nails until they become long enough to be able to scratch.

I was due a cut when I drove an hour north to spend time near the sea. But then I just didn't. I let them grow out, just to see how long I could manage it. My nails are mostly for function and I keep them short because it is easier.

And I break them often when they get just a smidgen too long. I'm not a careful person with my hands, always just flinging them out and digging into stuff with wild abandon. Being in the stable with my horse would often be the culprit for this.

For a period years ago, I painted them regularly and it was fun. I could chose pretty colours and have then look cool. I've got a pretty steady hand for putting on nail polish too, but it never lasted long, even with base or top coats. Because I kept going into everything nail first.

The chipped look wasn't as fun, and it felt like a pain to remove the polish, so I just stopped. No fun nail polish for me when I'd mostly be dealing with the ramifications of my own clumsiness.

Writing is also a bit more of a challenge when you've got nails to write around and kind of have to use them instead of only the pads of your fingers. I write fast and I already struggle with having my fingers keep up with my thoughts, so I shouldn't have anything else slow it down.

However, there's an older reason that I don't let my nails grow too long, and I feel that might be more connected to my impulse to just see how long they could get right now.

I used to have a bad habit of digging my nails into my palms when I got anxious. It was an impulse. A therapist I went to while my anxiety was bad and I was approaching stress told me that I needed to stop it. Tab my finger pads against each other instead of letting nails bite into skin leaving little marks behind, even if they weren't deep when I did it now.

The habit has been kicked for most parts. I've been doing better mentally but sometimes it does rear its ugly head and I'll catch the impulse sneaking up on me. Long nails are sharper, they could dig a whole lot deeper than the short ones.

Yet I've been having long nails for three weeks with no issue. I've been able to just admire them, surprised how none of them have cracked under pressure yet. I'll need to cut them soon because a torn nail will hurt like hell, but for now I can enjoy that they're persevering and I have no desire to use them to dig in.

[ciaossu-imagines]

heyy girl, welcome back!! can i ask for the ‘give me six characters meme’ with our fave abc boys?? -shoheiakagi

Thank you so much for the welcome back! That and your reblogs and tags sure made me smile and yes!! Yes you sure can! I love doing these, they really are quick and easy and fun.

The character I would push off a cliff

It's not that I hate him, because I genuinely don't. Sometimes he makes me laugh and I enjoy him in theory but given that I've just gotten royally screwed by a man who turned out to be the biggest narcissistic, philandering fuckboi (but don't worry, my lovelies, he assured me he was only forced to cheat with six other women and to treat me like shit while doing so because I made him do it, I forced his hand, so I've learned I have the superpower of making men's penises go into other people and I plan to use this power for pure chaotic evil, as is the right choice)...so yeah, current biases against men say I'm pushing Chitose off that cliff at a fucking barreling run because he reminds me A LOT of my ex.

The character I would kiss

I think I've mentioned this in prior headcanons but Shouhei's a good kisser. Making out and just enjoying that is something he loves - I mean, he's definitely all in if it leads to other things but he's even pretty content with a good old-fashioned hot and heavy make-out session so my answer is definitely going to be kissing Shouhei!

The character I would marry

Honestly, this is going to surprise, if not shock every single one of my K readers because none of ya'll expecting this one. I know myself enough to know that the best answer for me for marriage with one of the beautiful alphabet boys is actually Fujishima. He'd let me have all the pets I wanted, he's laid back and empathic enough to deal with my trauma, my mood swings, and my mental illnesses, without them driving him to a breaking point like they realistically would some of my other favourites, and he's steady and stable and relatively unchangeable enough to make me feel safe and secure and valued. Plus, like all the alphabet boys, man is damn fine.

The character I would set on fire

I'm going to say Dewa but only because I think he's the only one of these fuckers to remember the stop, drop and roll rule. He can keep a calm head and is the smartest out of them, all things considered.

The character I would wrap a blanket around

ERIC. Eric all the way, 1000% percent because everything about him makes me want to take care of him in every single way I can and to make sure he's eating well, that he's taking care of himself, and that he's happy.

The character I would be roommates with

Okay, but while I think me and Bandou would occasionally fight as roommates, I also think I'd like being his roommate. You'd have good wifi for sure because that matters to him, he can help me whenever my computer fucks up, he'd be cool and wouldn't make fun of all my fandom love and nerdy interests, and I think he'd actually appreciate my contributions as a roommate, like cleaning and cooking and keeping things nice so he'd forgive some of my worse habits, like late night insomnia pacing.

[aschen-kiln]

What's your favorite character from The Hunger Games trilogy?

Why do you like this character?

Favorite quote or moment from them?

Please state one (or more) thing which you don't like from them.

Thank you 😊

@curiousnonny

Ah @curiousnonny you wound me with this ask. Why do i gotta choose only one ? Hm ? Just because of that, i'm gonna do TWO.

Peeta

That boy is the embodiment of Devotion. A kind soul. A good man. A golden heart. But being Good™️ does not make him naive. He knows the Games in and out of the arena, and he knows how to play it. He's good at it. Even if he doesn't like it. He's a survivor in his own right and he doesn't let the horrible experiences he went through define him (physical torture, emotional manipulation, trauma, mind alteration, ...). He overcomes them and cling to what he is at his core. That boy is Resilience made human, as well as Devotion, and i only wish i had so much goodness in my own heart, and the strenght to keep going, to move forward, to love and to care, like he does.

I love bitchy Peeta when he's been rescued from the Capitole but still think he's in enemy territory. But the moment i love most is when he took the time to sort his issues and his mental health because he knew he could not do anything if he didn’t take care of himself first, but then, when he was better and stable enough, that boy went straight to Katniss with the sole idea to give her comfort by giving her back a little piece of her lost sister in the form of beautiful flowers.

THERE IS NOTHING I DON'T LIKE IN HIM.

Ready for #2 ?

Haymitch

Ok hear me out. Haymitch is the BEST adult in this trilogy. The very best. He is broken and mean and paranoid and defiant. And he has good reasons to be so. He drinks his weight in alcohol everyday because he is a master at self-destruction and because his mind is shattered from a life of isolation and enslavement to people he despises.

He's also the smartest person in the fucking country, and when i say that i also take Beeta and Snow into consideration (we can what we want about Snow, that man is evily brilliant). Haymitch is a goddamn genius with a Chaotic Good alignment i simply adore. Plus, he's a father figure, his relationship to Katniss and Peeta is awesome, and his secret love affair with Effie gives me more Cursed Star-Crossed lovers vibes than anyone.

I have a quote from him in mind, said to Katniss a propos of Peeta, after Quell announcement, when Katniss drags herself to his house to make a deal with him.

"You could live a thousand lives and never deserve that boy."

It just... stays with me.

What i don't like about him is... well. He's a lot like me. His life was shattered after his Games. No more family, no more girlfriend, a very bleak future and a trauma the size of Panem. And he broke down and drowned in misery and alcohol. A behavior i can terribly relate to (not the alcohol though. There are other ways to destroy oneself). He saw no escape so he just dropped down on the floor and chose a life of misery. His curse is to be a survivor. He could not get rid of his desire to live, which stopped him from making an escape when none was offered, however dangerous it could be.

Anything would have been better than the life he chose.

Then again, any other choice would have make him miss out on Katniss.

[shadypeanutbanana]

My soul has been touched by darkness and I know their are things and forces that are supernatural that I can't control. I'm so torn because I love God but I feel so messed up. I feel like he let those who want to hurt me use me for their purpose. All of my mind exposed but it's not necessarily true to how I'm feeling.

I feel like I'm going through schizophrenia. Everyday. I'm trying to be strong but I can't go back. I let the devil take me off Deen and I will always regret it. Now I pay just as bad as anyone who purposely put themselves in that position.

Schizophrenia isn't accurate to describe what I'm going through because the evidence is all there.

I was literally sacrificed on alter. I think thats why this is happening.

I can't do anything I can't even seek empathy from that put me in this positions because their conservative Satanist who wanted this. It's helps them survive. Get a bit of the things they need So I believe. I did turn back to God I asked for help. I asked him to save the people who hurt me. But I'm dying on the inside and slowly feel like killing myself. I was also raped and sexually assaulted several times.

Gas- lighted about it. And forced to keep ties with those I cut ties with several times.

I'm suffering cause everyday I have to deal with my mental illness and several others.

They don't believe so and they don't believe they need help.

I was forced to spend time in a psychward i was put in their multiple times against my will. Which was the loneliest scariest experience that I've gone through. I broke down crying to God everyday.

I'm strongly feeling the urge to kill myself. I haven't made it where I need to.

I'm trying to be healthy about it but I can't take the lies and the slow build up of chaos.

No one wants to get help or admit the truth.

I've been stalked several times. By several different people. I'm overwhelmed. None of these people mean me well.

I had to hear myself be slut shamed for choosing men I've known for years not choose me and being forced to move on.

Now because of it I'm a slut.

There are so many secrets building up.

My mother nor father are emotionally and mentally stable enough to feel the weight or take accountability for what they're doing.

I don't hate them I don't want them to pay I just want them to realize the truth and be parents like they're suppose to. I want them to recognize the truth of who they are. And how they're not innocent. To finally learn how to be good people.

Leave the disorder and narcissism behind.

God save me I don't know what to do.

[the-amalgam-house]

It's been really tough mentally... well for my whole life but these past couple months? Have been an especially rough spot. Without access to a therapist, there's a lot of stuff that we collectively have to sort of sit with and process on our own. None of us are mental health professionals nor should we have to be, so getting through and processing past and current traumas, finding buried memories, all this has been a huge struggle.

While we took notice much earlier, several years at least, last year was the first time I, as Toby, was able to admit openly that we are a system. And it's been both scary and exciting and enlightening and confusing...

My parents don't know. Some of my closest friends still don't know. It's mostly just some some internet friends who are also systems, my siblings, and my wife. It's been really tough to have to keep some things away from some people, mostly my parents, but it's honestly due to safety issues and the fact that you know...my dad, as much as I love him, has always been our main abuser and my mom, as much as I adore her, is all religion all the time, and those things make me feel that it's not safe to tell them at all. Because of the guilt they might feel or the shame they might instill in me over something that we can't control.

I think The Amalgam only started to slowly be revealed to me only when I was finally stable enough in my own individual identity and established as enough of an adult to be able to take on the process even in the slightest capacity. And I guess that's the point. Before then was way too unstable in any aspect of my life to throw "by the way you're actually like 8 different people being barely contained in a trench coat" into the mix.

I want us all to work together and get along. I want us to be able to share memories and information with each other in order to help each other heal. I don't think I can actually fully reach that level of healing without professional help but I'm doing the best I can given the circumstances.

I'm so tired of all of it though. One moment I'll be so upset that I'm not an individual person in my own individual body. The next I cry because I'm so grateful for every member of this system for doing their absolute best to keep us all as safe and healthy as possible. Sometimes I wish I could just be alone and it could be quiet for once, and then when it is quiet I get worried that they're either gone or were never there to begin with and I'm a fraud. Honestly this is the only time I can recall having any significant amount of imposter syndrome. It's always with identity. Never with my art or relationships in outer world, JUST anything dealing with identity. It fucking sucks.

It makes me sad, too, knowing that because I know I have DID that means it's not just /I/, is it? No, we all have DID, or OSDD, or whatever it is with varying degrees of various types of amnesia among all of us... that none of us can escape it. Even those of us in the system that don't have event or emotional memories still had to spectate. They still had to WITNESS the terrible things. Not a single on of us is unscathed, except for maybe Belly, who is brand new and a child.

It isn't fair. It's not fair to any of us for this to have happened. We couldn't even make it out of childhood before being traumatized. And there are plenty of people who are traumatized young and still coalesce into one identity, I'm sure, and while that doesn't make us any kind of like... weak willed or anything, and we all can enjoy the company very often... it's still unfair. To all be bound to a progressively ailing body, trapped indoors never able to fulfill any kind of dreams separate or collectively. To be stuck at never growing up or in a form they aren't used to or any of it. It's not fair.

And to feel like we "weren't traumatized enough" to "earn" or "qualify" for such a seemingly intense and stigmatized disability. Like what? Before transition I didn't feel trans enough. Before knowing what adhd and autism were I didn't think I was "bad" enough. After the 2011 incident I didn't feel I was sick enough to qualify as disabled. And this one is the same. I feel like my trauma shouldn't have been "bad enough" to warrant the splitting and the anxiety and the ptsd etc etc.

But the fact of the matter is that no matter how much I feel that way, it still is. The truth of it is that we ARE a system. We ARE all here in this one body. We ARE traumatized and trying to wade through it for the rest of our lives.

That's just how it is.

[celamoon]

Warnings: Crackfic...? almost? abuse victim, nsfw jokes. please be warned

Pronouns: They/them

Summary: Y/n L/n the unhinged genius of Vyn's patients. A mentally unstable being, the result of the Flora X testing. The same unhinged being that was let into the NXX to lead the searching for the drug.

Prompt: This post by @papellie (Ty for the prompt bestie <3)

Vyn did not have any patients he considered impossible. Well, almost none. He had Y/n L/n, the very unhinged chaos that considered his hardest patient. Someone whom one of his old friends had dropped into his hands because they were an impossible case.

Vyn only took the hardest cases, and you seemed to be the worst of his patients.

"Vynnie!" The patient grins at the sight of their favourite doctor. "Vynnie are you here to shove my medicine down my throat again? How about this time you shove your fingers down my throat-"

"Good afternoon Y/n," Vyn ignores your question. "We've changed your medication to a liquid."

"A liquid?" They tilt their head. "But water isn't a medication?"

"There are many more liquids other than water," Vyn smiles while pouring your medicine.

"Do bodily fluids count?"

"They do,"

"So like cu-"

"Drink up," Vyn shoves the cup to them, and they gag at the smell.

"It smells like the flora drug my previous doctors used to force down my throat," they mumble before downing it in one gulp. "You should really add some sugar or honey to the medicine Vinnie, it tastes disgusting."

Vyn freezes at the familiar name.

"What did you just say?"

"That you should really add some sugar or honey Vynnie," They grin.

"Before that."

"The medication smells like the flora drug I used to be forced to take as a child?" They tilt their head.

"Do you know what that drug was called?" Vyn raises a brow.

"Flora... X? Flora X," You mumble. "FLORA X!! Vynnie are you proud of me?"

Vyn's eyes widen in realization. No wonder you were so unhinged, you had been taking the very medication that was made illegal years ago. Which meant you were a lead into one of the dark pasts of Stellis.

"Say Y/n... if I were to let you out of the ward every once in a while... would you be willing to behave?"

"Vynnie I'm about as stable as a paper clip standing up straight." They blink innocently.

Vyn sighs. He would need to discuss with the NXX team about it.

"Which is... why I suddenly think we have a lead on the medication." Vyn concludes.

"Well that sounds reasonable to let her in," Rosa is the first to speak up. "She does have the lead we need,"

"But she's unhinged," Artem cuts in. "She might cause chaos."

"I mean as long as Vyn keeps her calm I think she could give us some useful information,"

"Why can't you just ask her?" Luke asks.

Vyn sighs. "I can't force anything out of her unless she says it herself."

"Is it in the contract?" Marius raises a brow.

"Yes."

"Then just let her join," Marius shrugs. "It's always so serious in here, having someone unhinged might crack some jokes every now and the...n?"

The other three glare at him.

"Well I think we can try meeting her in my office once to see if it works," Rosa pipes up.

"I..."

"Let's meet her in her psych ward," Vyn sighs. "I don't want her to trash your place."

Which brought us to today.

"Vynnie!" Thye grin. "You brought your friends!"

"They're associates," Vyn sighs. "Y/n meet MC, Luke, Artem, and Marius."

"That's second gen richie, law boi, and bestie," You point at Marius, Artem and MC. "That last one looks like a golden retriever."

The four look at Vyn and he sighs.

"Y/n they're here to discover more about the drug you took when young. Apparently it stops brain growth and has depressive side effects."

"OOOh is that why I tried to kill myself with a plastic cup last time?"

"She did whAT-?"

"Perhaps. It could also explain why you're my patient." Vyn smiles.

"That's right! Vynnie only takes the worst of the worst! ...You have really bad taste Vynnie. I'd rather be with the mentally stable," they shrug.

"Ah so Y/n?"

"Yes bestie?"

MC flushes a soft pink. "Do you remember much about the drug you used to take?"

"Uh so I think the tablets were pink at first, and then they successfully changed it to white... I could recreate it for you if you want? But only for you bestie, Vynnie is too mean." They pout.

Vyn sighs and the other three turn to look at him.

"re...create it?"

"Well they recruited me as a scientist first so I know the basic components of the drug but then they locked me up to force the medicine down my throat. It tasted ok but I think I lost control each time I had some-" They mumble. "Oh and of course I ran away and then some random man caught me and sent me to Vynnie's. He wasn't that bad though, he fed me some good food-"

"Wait wait," Vyn steps forward. "You know the components of the drug?"

"It tasted like the medicine you fed me the other day Vynnie," They grumble. "I also remember that the lab had really pretty water next to it. I think I ran down a hill to escape them."

The five look at each other and then MC speaks up.

"Y/n,"

"Yes bestie?"

"If we let you come with us, will you help us gather information?"

Artem frowns and you catch it.

"Law boi doesn't seem very happy about me coming along."

"Your mind works incredibly but the drug seems to have limited you." Vyn steps up. "I'll give you a nice room to live in."

"Idk Vynnie, sounds like bribery to me," They shrug.

"I'll bake for you-"

"Sold." they're glowing.

'... that easy?' they all sweat at your quick response.

"So all I have to do is gather information right?"

"We need to find out where the village is-"

"Up on a hill. Really tasty fish... uh crystal clear water and then I think I bumped into a crashed car on my way down the hill." You mumble. "I think the place started with O-"

"Opaline Village." Luke speaks up. "Is that it?"

"I think so~" you smile. "So Vynnie... when do I get to move out?"

"If you behave well the next three days I can get you out by the end of the week."

Your eyes glimmer.

You're an incredible actress, and an even better hacker apparently. Luke gave you three lessons on basic hacking and you broke into the Pax firewall quicker than he could.

"Ok so what now?"

"Can you get the locked files?"

"These?"

You even printed them out.

The group could only call you an unhinged genius from that point on.

"Your codename will be Flora."

"Wow you really named me after a drug huh Vynnie-" That earned you a smack in the head.

"King I can you order takeout?"

"Not to here-"

"Then to somewhere nearby! I'm hungry!" You reach for the knife in your drawer.

"ADJUCATOR!" Marius calls before you can end him.

Vyn shoves a pastry into your mouth and you continue working.

"We're heading to Opaline village today," MC and Luke tell you.

"Samples are in the third drawer in the fourth room after you turn left bestie~!" You sing.

What the hell?

"Vynnie what's for dinner,"

"What would you like?"

"Revenge," You blink.

"Rosa's working on that." He hums. "Food wise?"

"You-"

"I'm not edible," He deadpans.

"No but your-"

"I'll order pizza," Marius groans. You had been pulling all nighters in the office to crack down the firewall to the other files.

"Artie can you grab me a coffee on your way here?" You're on the phone with Artem now.

Vyn snatches the phone and sighs. "Don't get them any. They've been awake for nearly 72 hours now. I want them to crash asleep before they crash dead,"

"AWW VYNNIE CARES FOR ME!!!" You grin cheekily.

Artem brought you hot tea instead.

Then MC and Luke came back. You stood with the others as they watched MC get kissed by Huey. The child then ran up to you and hugged you.

"Thank you for teaching me how to break the firewall..."

The other five turned to you in shock.

"Love you Huey. Remember not to hack anyone unless you absolutely have to," You kissed him on the forehead. "Be good in school alright?"

"Okay..." He smiles.

Since when were you good with kids??

"So uh... we found the files," MC handed you papers and you grinned.

"My medical notes!"

What kind of Harley Quinn shit is this?

"So... what kind of abuse did they exactly go through?" Vyn stands next to MC as they watch you fight Marius.

"The files we read said that apparently at first they were fed the drug inside of their meal. Eventually they were locked up in a prison cell and turned into a complete test subject. They skipped three meals before they ran away." MC mumbles. "It's really sad."

Luke pulls you off of Marius and Artem hands you your morning coffee.

"Only you're dependable out of you all Artie..." You sigh blissfully after a sip. "Only you..."

Vyn's eyebrow twitches at the comment. MC can only look in amusement.

"Y/n you need to take a break." Vyn sighs.

"I get a break when I get revenge on that bitch who started drugging my food," You hiss.

"Even if I bake?"

"Depends what it is," You continue clicking, and you're focused.

"Then..." Vyn can't get himself to say it.

"Let's bet then," You mumble. "I break the firewall in the next hour you go on a date with me, if I don't then you can drag me to bed."

Vyn sighs. "Deal." He was really powerless compared to you.

Sure enough in 30 minutes, a cheer erupted in the headquarters. It sounded like your voice with Luke's.

"WE BROKE IN WE BROKE IN RAVEN WE BROKE IN!!!!" You screamed, your voice was hoarse from the lack of water.

The two of you are in an embrace, and Vyn's eyebrows twitch again.

"The all nighters..." Luke cries. "We did it..."

"VYNNIE YOU OWE ME A DATE!" You cried.

Vyn can only sigh. "When would you like to go out?"

You stand up, and you make your way to him.

"When I wake up." You proceed to crash dead onto the bed next to him. The NXX team then panicked for the next ten minutes because Marius thought you stopped breathing.

You slept for three days.

The NXX thought you died. Then you woke up and acted as though you didn't just die for 3 days.

"Good morning bestie," You're back on your computer again.

"Y/n you shouldn't be back on your computer after dropping dead for three days." MC panics. "Besides, Y/n you're going on a date today with Vyn right?"

"Yeah," You yawn.

"Do you want to dress up?" You strut to your closet.

"Oh look," You throw your closet door open. Lingerie and t-shirts and shorts. "Ah here's a decent outfit."

You toss together some clothes, and MC smiles. "Would you like me to help you with your hair?"

"Sure. Thank you MC," You smile.

The epitome of gender envy. Damn bestie you looked hot.

Vyn arrives a couple minutes after you finish getting ready.

"Vynnie!"

"It's... been a while since I've seen you dressed up," Vyn smiles. "Shall we go?"

You grin as he leads you to his car.

"What would you like to do?" Vyn peers at you.

"Can we bake at your place?" you fumble in your seat.

"Sure," He smiles. "What would you like to make?"

"Macarons?"

"Those are pretty hard Y/n... you sure?" He raises a brow at you.

"If I can hack a firewall then I can bake macarons." you grinned.

So turns out that was a lie.

"Vynnie ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚ " You whined. "Help me!"

"You didn't beat the egg whites enough," Vyn grabs the bowl from your arms and you rest your head on your palm.

"Vynnie the male wife..." You peered at him. "Vynnie would you marry me-?"

Clang

Vyn's caught off guard and drops the metal bowl. His glasses slide down slightly, and his lips are parted in shock.

"Sorry Vynnie," You reach over the counter to help him fix his glasses, and you beat the egg whites yourself. "Must've scared you out of your mind."

"No no," Vyn regains his composure and smiles.

"Dedication is hard," You mumble. "People change after time, and changes vary from person to person... betrayal plagues a person, and people that you once loved no longer love you back. Which is why Vynnie doesn't want to date right?"

Vyn pauses, and you hum in satisfaction.

"Ooh the egg whites are stiff." You turn the bowl upside down on top of your head and grin. "Shall we mix the two together?"

"Let me," Vyn folds the mixture in, and you hum. "Vynnie do you like MC?"

Vyn nearly drops the bowl again. He just couldn't get a break from your remarks. "Why are you asking?"

"When you came to pick me up your pulse was quicker than usual." You mumble. "Then when we got in the car and out of MC's sight your pulse slowed"

Vyn stops to stare at you now. "Is that why you were holding my wrist?"

"Luke taught me," You mumble. "To read people better."

"Unfortunately your hypothesis is wrong," Vyn smiles. "My heart did not quicken because of MC."

"Huh," You mumble.

"Could you help me put the batter in the piping bag?"

"Sure," You open a piping bag, and you open it for him to put the batter in. "Can I do the piping?"

"Sure," Vyn finishes filling in the bag, and you pipe the batter onto the tray.

"Vynnie why did your heartbeat go up then?"

Vyn stares at you. "Because I got to see you dressed up,"

You stumble and nearly mess up on a macaron shell.

"Vynnie teasing me isn't funny," You pout. Vyn smiles as he rests his cheek on his hand.

"But I was being honest," He beams at you.

"Vynnie!"

"Alright two hours"

"DON'T JUST CHANGE THE SUBJECT-"

"Siri please set a two hour timer-"

"VYNNIE!!!"

[hnychn]

𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐓 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐄 [𝐈𝐈𝐈]

sypnosis : life with your five lovers has been more than fulfilling, but when you're paired with a student from general studies for a project, your quintet seems a little less full

word count : 4000+

warnings : mutual pining, gender neutral reader, relationship insecurities, bakugo tries but. . .it doesn't go as well as he planned, grammar errors and spelling errors, it's . . . a long one, a bit rushed at the end so uhh pls don't mind that :)

parts : [ 𝐈 ] [ 𝐈𝐈 ] [ 𝐈𝐈𝐈 ]

a/n : so sorry for the long wait LMAO- i know i said my bokuto fic would be coming out today but uhhh ahaha my depression hit me full force this weekend and i didn't even look at the dock because i was too busy sleeping, but uhh enjoy this :D

↩︎ back to student masterlist | main mha masterlist

- WELCOME TO PART THREE sorry for the log wait 😭 life has been kicking my ass but we're not here to hear me complain, we're here for the tea

- so, it's a couple months after you joined the bakusquad and their relationship. and let me tell you, it has been nothing but amazing. 😩 your days are never quiet and they're always filled with some sort of excitement and love.

- you kaminari and mina often get into trouble for leaving the dorms late at night because you want snacks and there's nothing in the kitchens. you become kirishima's pillow, don't matter about your size or whatever, you are his pillow and you better not argue 🔫 sero always puts on some type of bachata or reggaeton or some spanish song and dances with you in his dorms. and bakugo is your go to person to cook with and just generally annoy or prank since it's so easy to get a reaction out of him.

- and you couldn't have asked for a better relationship. you all are so communicative and talk about your feelings often and how you're doing. every saturday or sunday, you all go to a dorm (usually it's bakugo's cause it's the cleanest) and have a huge cuddle pile and talk about your mental states, how you're doing, what you have problems with, etc etc.

- like damn ok i see you with the mentally and emotionally stable relationship 🤪🤪

- it's so refreshing too because sometimes you'll have a tough week and you jsut need to let it all out, and you can in the comfort of bakugo's dorm and you know none of them will judge you because they're all so open about their love for you (and vise versa)

- anyways, yeah y'all got the best relationship

- you never thought about anyone else in a romantic sense because the squad took up nearly all of the space in your heart. but when you teacher announced one day the general studies kids would be coming in to have a joint project to create gadgets for the hero course students, you had no idea your life would suddenly be turned upsidedown.

- you were paired with a guy named shinsou. he looked friendly enough and returned the wave you sent him with a little surprise as he made his way to the open seat next to you. he seemed surprised when you started a small conversation but he talked to you in a quiet soothing voice. he seemed nice enough and you figured the project would be a breeze since he seemed so nice and offered to meet up over the weekend to start up some ideas for the project.

- you agreed and the two of you met up that lunch period in the library to pre-draft some ideas and get to know each other more.

"i'm surprised you don't mind being seen with me."

his sudden comment took you by surprise as you looked up from your paper with messily drawn gadgets and chicken scratch writing to look up at him, "what do you mean?"

it was true you had never seen him before or even heard of him, but his hesitance to talk to you and open up to you made you feel as though you should.

shinsou rubbed the back of his neck and looked away shyly, "so you really haven't heard anything about me, have you?"

he looked almost guilty to bring it up, his gaze falling to the table in front of him as be played with a strand of his hair.

you shook your head. you never really payed attention to gossip around school, your head always too high up in the clouds to care about rumors and gossip (bakugo often scolded you for being such an airhead and ignorant to your surroundings, but you knew he was just worried about something happening to you). plus, to you, gossip was nearly never right and more often made up and fictitious.

shinsou refused to look up at you, "well. . .i'm known throughout the school as a. . ." he looked hesitant to continue but before you could reassure him he didn't have to talk about it if he didn't want to, he continued, "well, a villain."

he prised his lips as if the words left a bitter taste in his mouth, and all you could do was tilt your head. shinsou didn't seem like a bad person - or a 'villain' as he had said. on the way to the library he held open doors for you and helped you carry some of your books to your locker and even bought you a drink you wanted buy but were a bit short of change on.

"do you think you are?"

"what?" shinsou looked at you for the first time since he brought up the topic.

"do you think you're a villain?" he shuffled slightly in his seat and looked away again from your intense stare. he felt like you were looking straight into his soul from how strongly you were looking into his eyes, he wasn't sure if you had even blinked in the last minute.

shinsou thought back to all the times he's been called a villain or a criminal. it was always unwarranted, a passing comment that seemed like no big deal to others but shattered his heart into smaller and smaller pieces. but never once had he ever thought he was a villain - a monster.

if anything, he used those comments as encouragement to become a hero, to be better than those who always thought he would turn to a life of crime. so, "no... i don't think i'm a villain."

"well, that's that."

shinsou could only stare at you, your smile brighter than any star he'd ever seen, so full of hope and encouragement shinsou felt like he could take on the world. he looked away and rubbed the back of his neck, a shy smile pulling at his lips and a weird feeling blossoming in his chest. how curious. . .

- so yeah, a new friendship 🤪 the two of you started to spend a lot of free time together for the project. you would often meet up during lunches or free time between classes to work some more on the project, all the while getting to know each other in depth. you learned many things about shinsou and spilled many of your own secrets, you laughed together over old childhood stories, and played animal crossing on the rooftop during lunch, your project discarded and forgotten beside you.

- your sudden absence didn't go unnoticed by your lovers, and they grew curious to your whereabouts when you would blow them off for the fifth time that week to "work on your project". now, don't get me wrong, they had conplete trust in you and knew you would never cheat, but they were just curious as to what - or who - was taking up so much of your time.

- so, they did the smartest thing, and followed you. after blowing them off for the sixth time, they decided to follow you to your destination. mina and kaminari tried to be inconspicuous and wear disguises, but the fake mustache, black glasses (indoors, might i add) and hat weren't all too discreet as they thought.

- they followed you through every turn and weave you took and hid behind a corner when you stopped at a vending machine to get your favourite drink. but what surprised them the most was you also bought a coffee. bakugo was most surprised you even thought about even touching the can of caffine because he remembered you telling him you would get terrible caffine rushes that would make you dizzy if you drank coffee.

- but, as you finally reached the rooftop and made your way to a hunched over figure in the corner, it all made sense.

- they all saw how effortlessly you and shinsou acted around each other. they could see the soft looks he would send you when you weren't looking and the way his hand would hover over yours for a split second too long before snapping away as if you were made of lava. but surprisingly, they didn't feel any sort of jealousy or anger, it felt like a piece of them had returned they didn't even know was missing. the sort of feeling that walks through the door unexpectedly but it's wholesomely welcomed.

- the "oh, there you are, welcome back" type of feeling. they were happy you had found someone that made you feel comfortable, arguably more comfortable than you had been with them so far because truthfully, while you had felt welcomed and appreciated in the relationship, it still felt like you were an outsider. the five of them had inside jokes before you came and didn't get them when they came up, the five of them had habits special to each other that inadvertently excluded you. and while they never meant to hurt you (god knows that's the last thing they ever wanted to do), they had. but you knew that wasn't their intention so you held no malitious feelings towards them (not that you think you'd ever could).

- but the way you and shinsou so effortlessly opened up to each other, shared intimate details and secrets with each other - it warmed their hearts. so, bakugo grabbed them all by the back of their shirts and dragged them away, mumbling about giving the two of you space. there was a fond look in his eyes as he looked at the two of you he would be teased about later but would deny.

- it was undeniable bakugo held the softest spot for you. he tried as best as he could to include you in their inside jokes and habits but he was. . well . . . bakugo 🧍🏽‍♀️

- words aren't necessarily his strong suit and he could only hope his smaller actions let you know you were as loved and cherished as any of them there. and you knew, you caught on a little after bakugo had a little "secret talk" with the group (that wasn't really secret at all, he grabbed them all by their shirts and dragged them to a secluded spot while you distracted on your phone) and they all started to explain their jokes and include you in their habits.

- anyways, back to you and shinsou. 🤪 he was aware you were in a ployamorous relationship with the bakusquad and he's heard the way you talk about them and the soft airy tone of your voice and the starry look in your eyes; and he didn't want to get in between that. the last thing he ever wanted was to ruin your relationship for his own selfish reasons.

- so for the time being, he would be okay with watching you from afar, the sweetness of your love so close for him to taste; yet too far for him to savour.

- as more and more times passed, the bakusquad began to notice the lingering looks you would give shinsou when you passed him in the halls and how he would always be waiting for you outside of your class with your favourite drink before leaving you to go to lunch while he went off and . . . well, you weren't sure what he did during his free time, but he never brought it up so you never figured to ask.

- when you fell asleep the next time you all had a cuddle session in bakugo's room, they all talked about it. talked about your obvious feelings for each other and the possibility of including shinsou in their relationship. they spent hours talking about it and still talked about it even when the moon vanished over the horizon and the sun rose. and, in not very smart fashion, bakugo was tasked to confronting shinsou about their conclusion.

- which - almost as if there were an author behind all of this - didn't go as well as any of them planned.

it was perfect, really. almost as if the universe had been listening to their conversation and aligned itself perfectly for this very moment.

you woke up that morning with a terrible stomach ache and chose to stay back in your dorm after bakugo made you a bowl of soup and threatened you to take your medicine. his classes ended a little earlier than usual and, sending his lover's a nod, made his way over to your class, where, lo and behold, shinsou was standing near the door, the familiar brand of your favourite drink in one hand and his own cold coffee in the other.

bakugo wasn't sure what he was going to say when he reached shinsou. he opted to just speak from the heart over rehearsing lines with the others like they had wanted, besides, what kind of lover would be be if he couldn't even do this for you? but, what he didn't take into consideration, was his emotional constipation and tsundere attidute.

"hey, eye bags!" bakugo called out.

shinsou nearly jumped out of his skin at bakugo's sudden loud voice. he looked over with the same eyes of indifference he normally had, but bakugo could see the slight far in them. not at his brash attitude (shinsou could never be afriad of bakugo and confronting him before the sports fesitval was a perfect example of that) but the fear of ruining your relationship with the bakusquad.

shinsou nodded at bakugo when he got close enough. bakugo stood in front of him, his hands still shoved into the pockets of his pants, "they're sick."

it was a simple enough statement but shinsou blinked, "what?"

"y/n." bakugo stated and rolled his eyes as if the answer had been written on his forehead (and it basically had, shinsou was just a bit shocked at his appearance), "they're sick and mina's staying back with them in their dorm."

shinsou rubbed the back of his neck, "oh."

there was an awkward silence as the two boys stood in the vacant hallway. bakugo didn't know what to say and shinsou wasn't sure if he should leave or go visit you for their lunch break.

"i'll go drop this off to them-"

"no." bakugo practically growled, "i'll drop it off. go get eat your lunch or i'll make your face an eye bag."

shinsou flushed a bit in embarrassment. he was overstepping, of course he was. for a minute, having you all to himself for nearly a week straight made him forget about the relationship you were in and this was a smack of reality. you weren't his. you were in a relationship with others, other people who could give you nearly double what he could - everything he couldn't.

handing bakugo the drink, shinsou stalked away to the cafeteria, his cheeks still a light shade of pink. bakugo sighed and knew he most likely made things worse, and he came there originally to make things right.

but fate will work itself out. and what will be, will be.

- so... maybe sending bakugo wasn't the best idea ... 🧍🏽‍♀️

- because now, shinsou started avoiding you. when the two for you worked on your projects together, he would remain mostly silent and only input his opinion when he thought of an idea or needed help putting something together. you had no idea why and you honestly felt a little hurt that he ignored you as easily as breathing.

- you brought this up to your lovers on your weekly cuddle session, knowing they would have brought up your downpour attitude either way. what you didn't notice as your face was burried in denki's sweater were the glares they all were throwing at bakugo.

- "yeah, i wonder what happened..." sero smiled, though obviously strained, as he pet your head and told you shinsou was probably just going through something.

- and it was obvious you were hurt that shinsou had suddenly stopped talking to you because honestly it was kind of hard for you to make friends. a lot of people assumed you thought you were higher than everyone else because you were dating five students from the top hero course, but that obviously is far from the truth.

- anyways, a long time goes by and the two of you still haven't rekindled anything and the squad is getting a bit frustrated because hello??? join our cult lover circle ?????

- so the squad comes up with another solution and this time they don't send bakugo to collect shinsou

- they learned their mistake last time.

- anyways

- so sero goes and gets shinsou and tells him you need him for a little last touch of the project since it was near the due date and you wanted to make sure it was perfect. and shinsou agrees to meet up with you and follows sero.

- sero takes him into an empty classroom and it's pitch black. the windows have been covered with tape and all the lights are off. before he could ask what the hell was going on, the door slams shut and the lights suddenly turn on and shinsou's blinded for a moment.

- and he's met with a very interesting sight.

- mina, kaminari, and kirishima are standing in front of him with sunglasses and hats on, their arms are crossed and they have a blank look on their faces (though he can tell kaminari is about to burst into laughter and nearly does but kirishima jabs him in his side.)

- "uhh..."

- "shut up, eye bags." bakugo calls from behind him. he's leaning against the door with his arms crossed and an obviously pissed off look on his face.

- sero is just standing next to him with a 'sorry pal' kind of smile.

- "what is-"

- "what are your intentions with, y/n?" kaminari shouted suddenly as he slammed his hand on a nearby desk.

- "denki- no." mina pushed him back lightly, "that's not what-"

- "did you not listen last night, sparky?" bakugo rolled his eyes and scoffed lightly.

- kaminari shyly scratched his cheek, "i might have fellen asleep-"

- "he did." sero confirmed, "he drooled on me and everything.

- "I do not drool!!"

- "yes you do, it was like a waterfall, 'ki. "

- "no i don't, right kiri?"

- "well.. only a few drops.."

- "WHAT?! and none of you told me?!"

- "well, y/n kind of made us promise not to tell..."

- "SPEAKING OF Y/N," mina interjected into the conversation, her fingers rubbing at her temples as she wondered when she became the rational one, that was bakugo's job, "why don't we stick to the script, boys."

- kirishima slung an arm over her shoulder and pressed a kiss to her cheek, "sorry, princess."

- "right." sero turned to shinsou and crossed his arms, "you have feelings for them don't you?"

- shinsou tensed. his mind was still trying to comprehend the conversation that happened just a few seconds ago and processing the fact that kaminari drools in his sleep. he wasn't sure how to respond.

- of course he had feelings for you, any rational person who came into contact with you would catch feelings. it was part of your natural charm that seemed to effortlessly draw people in and never let them go. in a matter of minutes, you had simultaneously become his best friend and his closest confidant. often at night he cursed himself for catching feelings for you when things were perfect just the way they were.

- but shinsou couldn't help it. you had treated him like a normal person and weren't apprehensive about his quirk. you gave him a taste of normalcy in his world of anxieties and judgement, and he craved more and more the more time he spent with you.

- so dispte wanting to desparately scream 'yes, i do love her' at the top of his lungs, he looked down at the ground, "no. . . i . . i don't."

- "liar."

- bakugo seethed behind him.

- shoving himself off the wall he was leaning on, bakugo walked closer and closer to shinsou as he spoke, "don't lie. we all see the way you look at them, the way your stupid face lights up with a small smile when they're with you or the airy chuckle you give when they do one of those stupid dances when they make food and-"

- "OK OK I GET IT!" shinsou snapped. mina jumped slightly in kirishima's arms and shinsou sent her a small apologetic look, "you know! I'm in love with them! i've been. . ." he trailed off before collapsing into a chair behind him, his head hanging back and staring into the bright flourescent lights hanging from the ceiling.

- "i've been trying to distance myself from them, to make getting over them easier."

- "they've been hurting, y'know."

- shinsou groaned and hid his face in his hands, "i know. you think i don't see the looks they give me when i avoid them in the halls? it hurts knowing i'm the reason they're in pain."

- "so why are you doing it?"

- "because they have you guys," shinsou sighed as it if we're the most obvious thing in the world, "you all could love them a lot more than i ever could alone. plus, they're so happy with you, i couldn't be the reason to disturb that."

- "you gotta be fucking kidding me." bakugo growled and pinched the bridge of his nose.

- kaminari snorted, "i think i just got deja vu."

- "you could say that again," mina sighed, "i'm heading back to the dorms, this is giving me a headache."

- with his arm still slung over her shoulder, kirishima agreed, "yeah, not sure how we didn't see this from the beginning. i'll walk you back, princess."

- shinsou only stared blankly as mina and kirishima left the room with kaminari in tow, complaining about getting some math work done. never in his life did he feel as confused as he did now

- lost. mans was lost..

- someone get him a map and help him please

- they acted as if they hadn't been the ones to literally kidnap him

- only to nonchalantly walk out the door?????

- sero's voice snapped him back to the remaining two people in the room, "you two really are a match made in heaven." sero smiled at him and shinsou felt head rise in his cheeks, whether it be from embarassment or something else, he didn't know.

- "i'll see you two around" and then he left, leaving shinsou alone with bakugo, who had yet to realease the bridge of his nose from his pinch.

- "you're both a pair of dumbasses."

- "i'm offended-"

- "y/n said the same fucking thing when we confronted them."

- shinsou stayed silent.

- "they felt like their presence would ruin the routine we had set a long time ago when we first started our relationship. . . sound familiar?"

- shinsou rubbed the back of his neck and opened his mouth to speak, but bakugo interrupted.

- "shut up, eye bags, i'm not finished."

- "i dIdNt eVEn sAy aNyTHiNg"

- "sure there were some things we had to adjust to include them in our schedule and a whole new bundle of emotions to incorporate into our lives; but the while point of a relationship is to open up slowly and learn to trust the ones you love. and eventually, we all learned to trust them the same way they learned to trust us; but trust isn't something you can learn over night. it's gradual."

- bakugo sighed, how in the hell did he get stuck in this situation again. at the very least no one got injured this time, "what I'm trying to say is, if y/n makes you happy, then we're all willing to let you in our relationship and put our trust in you.

- "will you put your trust in us?"

- how dramatic ˙ ͜ʟ˙

- so

- :) shinsou decides, fuck it. i deserve the good things in life, and he puts his trust in the squad the same way they all put their trust in him.

- and they decided it was a good time to surprise you too and kill two birds with one stone :)

- so you walk in to bakugo's dorm after a long day of school. you were returning from turning in your project with shinsou, and while the teacher had given you many compliments and basically secured your A, you still felt a bit sad knowing it would be the last time you would see shinsou since your schedules didn't collide and you had ended on a . . . confusing note.

- so you were just looking to cuddle with your lovers on a Friday night and wallow away in your sadness.

- when you walked in the group had been piled in their natural spots on bakugo's bed. mina was giggling with kaminari as they scrolled through tiktok, bakugo was reading a book you had reccomend to him a while a go, sero and kirishima were softly play fighting as they laughed and chuckled.

- everything was as it should be

- until you got to where your spot usually was, cradled between bakugo's warm and firm chest and mina's plush thighs and stomach, and it was occupied by someone else.

- everyone stopped what they were doing, as they watched a smile pull at your lips when you recognised the disheveled pruple hair lazily sprawled in your spot. everyone watched with bated breath as they waited for your reaction and small smiles of their own shining through as they watched your interaction.

- you lifted your hand and smacked shinsou's knee that had been raised up slightly as one of his arms lay behind his head and the other fiddled with a bracelet around mina's wrist, and his lips pulled into a lazy smirk of his own as he watched you.

- "get up, fat head, you're in my spot."

- his smirk only grew.

- "do something about it, hero."

see my pinned post to join my taglist (^ム^)

[stachmousworld]

Avenge me tomorrow (Ch.10)

Thanks to everyone who sent me messages and didn't despair to see another chapter. I have already two chapters fully written and I'm onto the 12th one. So, yeah. Sorry for the wait, my medication kind of made me numb and sucked all of my creativity.

Also, I have reached 400 followers! *cry profusely* Thanks so much to everyone who followed me.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9

Préviously: Thea was attacked by Jean during the last test with Hank. Nemesis and Thea mentally travelled to somewhere to Vormir and followed a little girl who carried the soul stone. As she sacrificed herself and dropped it from the mountain, Nemesis seized, then Thea, who couldn't let them suffer in silence.

Words: 2400

TW: blood, mention of self harm

Hank wasn’t okay at all. He rubbed his temples and focused on his breathing.

Inhale. Exhale.

The buzzing noise coming from the machine next to him wasn’t soothing anymore. He felt each second go by and his heart strained to remain calm.

There had been times when he thought he’d give up. Times of uncertainties like this one. It was what the X-Men had to deal with every day. It was what the cape of hero and superhero meant for them. A burden getting heavier every time they fought a villain.

Were they going to make it? Would they able to save everyone? Was it worth it at the end?

Their powers meant a responsibility that none of them had wanted. Other normal civilians expected them to save them and use all their abilities for the good cause, but what about what they wanted. To live a normal life in a world where people would welcome them without judgement. Or at least they’d try to hide it.

Hank shook his head and rubbed his temples.

He dreaded the moment when the newest generation would have to choose too. To stay here with them and become a x-men or go outside, in the real world and hide what they truly were forever.

Many chose to stay. Now more than ever. The mutant representatives in Congress, besides him, had seen how sour the situation was turning. After Sokovia, general Ross has tried to rope the president into signing the Accords. A new way to control mutants and to rate them as animals from what they consider being the most powerful to the least.

There was no doubt that Ross wanted to gather as much intel as he could in order to use them. Like a Pokemon trainer, he’d have all of their personal information and powers in hand ready to single them out and use them as war machines.

“Are you okay?”

Hank repressed a sigh and smiled tiredly at Scott, who looked as exhausted as him.

“I could ask you the same.”

Scott shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest. Although he couldn’t see his eyes, Hank could tell he was staring at Jean’s unconscious body.

“You can approach her if you want.”

Scott hesitated. He started moving forward before stopping himself as if there was an invisible wall in front of him. Hank looked at him quizzically.

“Logan told me what happened,” Scott whispered. He averted his eyes and uncrossed his arms.

Hank waited for him to continue.

“Is it true that she tried to kill the girl?”

Hank kept his silence.

“Fuck, Jean…” Scott shook his head and walked closer to her. This time he didn’t stop until he was next to her bed. He sat next to her and held her hand. “Is the girl, okay?”

“Physically, yes.”

“And mentally?”

Hank stood up slowly. He rearranged Xavier’s cover on his body and walked to the door.

“She came here looking for answers and a refuge. All she found was someone who attempted to kill her twice.”

Hank closed the door behind him and walked to Xavier’s personal office. It was by far the most comfortable place in the academy and the closest to the infirmary. He didn’t want to leave to his own quarter and miss if something happened.

He let his legs transport him to the couch near the French windows and he fell on his back. He groaned when his back cracked and tried his usual deep breathing exercise. He inhaled and exhaled trying to let his thought go and find his safe place.

As he was about to find his peace, a familiar fire-like cercle slowly appeared in the middle of the office.

Hank closed his eyes and counted to ten.

“Need some?”

Hank stretched his hand to where Dr. Strange would be and grabbed a box filled with chocolates. His favorites. Made in Swiss with hazelnut and salted caramel.

Hank opened the box and popped a chocolate. He groaned as the sugary flavor burst on his tongue. He also mentally thanked Strange for letting him enjoy his snack before getting to the reason of his visit. If Hank knew anything about Strange, whatever he had to say would be terrible, would demand probably more efforts and involvement than Hank liked and there will be no true gratification. Unless they had to save the world…

He chuckled at the thought.

No one went to the X-Men to save the world.

Nope.

The Avengers maybe, but never the X-Men. They were relegated to earthly threats. And by earthly he meant the US, and if Ross had his way they’d be already on a leash as he’d send them overseas intruding into countries they had no business to be in and to spy on foreign government secrets.

“Lay it on me, Doc.” He said followed by a deep sigh.

When Strange left him, Hank fell easily asleep. A deep, perturbated sleep where a huge serpent roamed the universe, eating each and every single planets and stars until it got to the Earth.

Hank stood still, petrified. The dream repeated itself on a loop. It didn’t matter how many times he tried to escape, fight back…everything felt so real and vivid. He could feel the warmth of the sun on his skin, the fear bubbling in him ready to burst and the tension in his muscles as the invincible threat arrived. How could they defend their planet against this behemoth of a being?

No matter how many times he tried to control these dreams. Death. Destruction. Pain. All of these awaited them.

Unless…his last dream shifted into something new. Hank hoped it was something different. He only needed a hint of hope and he’d hold on tight. As tight as he could until the end. Because if there were a way for the Earth to be saved. He’d do anything.

Although Strange had sounded skeptical about any positive outcome, Hanks last dream anchored him.

The serpent hovered in front of the Earth mouth wide open. As it was to eat the planet, a feminine body appeared in a flash in front of him. Them. Anyone there to witness humanity’s doom.

The light surrounding her dimmed enough for Hank to recognize her. As he breathed out her name, the serpent stroke.

Thea, eyes stuck on Hank, raised one arm toward the serpent and batted it away. Just like that. As it was a mere insect. Its disappearance was sudden and without any commotion. Hank could hear screams of joy around him, but he didn’t care. All of his attention was on Thea.

She dropped her arm down, interlaced her fingers together and breathed into her two intertwined hands.

Hank swore he could hear her breath from within him. He felt the warm breath on his skin and his lungs something warm and delicious expanded in his chest. Hank felt tears coming down his cheeks. He let them roll as long as the felicity he felt could travel through him forever.

When he woke up, there were a few dried tears on his face and he wore a smile he didn’t remember having. First thing after checking on Jean and Xavier, Hank went to Thea’s room only to see her already awake. He stood at the door, feeling awkward. The dream contrary to his usual ones didn’t fade away as soon as his wake up and he felt a bit bad.

Thea was here for guidance, not for him to put all of his hope. He watched unsure as she examined her hands thoroughly. Like she’d never seen them before. Thea rose her hands in front of her face and turned them, eyes staring at each digit, intrigued.

The longer he watched her, the more he felt like an intruder. He stopped himself from fidgeting and put his hands in his pockets.

Then, Hank cleared his throat.

He didn’t expect Thea’s violent reaction. She jumped out of the bed and fell on the floor. Hank ran by her side only to be met by a strange scene. Thea was now staring at her legs like she didn’t know she had some before. She approached slowly her hand to her thigh and caressed her skin softly. The hand barely met her thigh that she flinched away.

“Thea?” Hank asked, worried. He watched her face carefully. The lack of oxygen in her brain may have cause amnesia. Something that didn’t appear in his thorough test. He cussed at himself. He should have seen it come. No one could live through that much trauma in one day and achieve a 100% recover.

Thea was still prone on the floor. She didn’t reply nor acknowledged his presence. Hank reached her slowly, trying not to make her jump and waved his hand in front of her eyes. The reaction was immediate. Thea looked at him quickly and stared at him, confused. Almost as confused as he was feeling. Only, she didn’t seem to recognize him at all.

“Thea? Do you know who I am?”

She looked at his lips, eyebrows furrowed. She opened her mouth to talk, which had Hank already sighing in relief. A small sound barely escaped her mouth before she pressed both of her hands on her mouth. Her entire face morphed from confusion to shock. She leaped to her feet. Or at least tried to. She seemed like a baby doe trying to walk for the first time. She wasn’t stable on her feet nor looked as if she understood the simple concept of walking.

Hank raised his arm to help her in case she fell but she managed to go to the bathroom alone. She stopped dead in her track in front of the mirror. She was half-way in the bathroom, standing still.

Hank stayed near her in case…in case…he didn’t know. She could have a meltdown, fall and hit her head on the floor or…

Hank pressed one of his hands on his chest and coached himself to breath deeply. Now wasn’t the moment for a panic attack. He could do it.

The seconds stretched to minutes. Thea was frozen, staring at her reflection straight at her reflection, hands balled next to her body, and Hank was on the verge of giving up and leading her back to her room. He walked closer to her. Thea surged forward, closer to the mirror and grabbed her hair pulling it tightly. She grumbled unintelligently. She touched, patted her cheeks, lips, eyelashes, making Hank cringe.

He rushed to her side and restrained her hands. As soon as he touched her, she went limp. He took a second to take his breath and pulled her closer.

Then everything went to shit. It all happened in a blur. Thea shrieked pushing Hank away. She used Hank momentary lack of reaction to get to the cabinet underneath the sink and grabbed a pair of scissors. She barely considered the tool before raising it to her neck.

“No! Wait!” He let out, unable to move.

She didn’t spare him a look and started slicing her neck. A small rivulet of blood traveled on her dark skin.

Hank made a move to stop her. A blue blur appeared next to Thea and teleported her. Hank swirled around when he heard Diablo reappearing behind him.

“Hank! Help me! I can’t restrain her alone.” He grunted under the effort. Diablo was kneeling on the bed and pining Thea by the hands, letting her legs totally free to jerk him away.

Hank didn’t move. He wasn’t sure he could.

“Fuck! What’s happening here?” Logan said as he ran into the room. He didn’t stop to take in the scene and went directly to help Diablo.

They restrained her in a matter of minutes.

Logan and Diablo discussed together over what to do while. Or that’s what Hank thought they discussed about. All he could hear was his heart and Thea’s shrieks. Everything else felt blur. He didn’t even dare move in case he’d faint or worse, have a meltdown in the middle of the room.

He didn’t even notice that Diablo and Logan led him outside the room and back to Xavier’s office. The silence in the corridor was deafening. He could still hear Thea’s scream and could still see her blood on her skin.

“Here? Drink this?” Hank grabbed the glass from Logan and drank everything in one go. The bitterness of the alcohol didn’t made him flinch. He barely could taste the liquid on his tongue, let alone feel its effect.

“I’ll…I’ll check on Xavier and Jean,” Diablo said quickly.

“Tell Hel’ and Malicia to check up on Thea.”

“B-both?”

“Hel’ is the best when it comes to healing and combat, so she’ll be able to restrain Thea in case anything goes south. And Malicia would be able to take Thea’s powers, were they to manifest. Last thing we want is a powerful and traumatized enhanced running around.”

“But what…” Diablo swallowed. “Wha-what about their “animosity”?”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “animosity?”

“It has come to my attention that they had a lover spat and none of them wanted to work together. It never ends well.”

Logan raised his eyes to the ceiling. “I fucking hate these kids,” he muttered, then louder. “I don’t care Diablo. Tell them their asses are on the line and since Xavier and Jean are out, I’m the director here.”

Diablo nodded quickly. “Do I have to use your words specifically or…”

Logan growled, making Diablo squealed and disappear.

“Should have stayed in my forest.” He muttered to himself. “Lover spat, my ass. They love to fight as much as they love to make up…’ve to burn my eyes to forget…”

Logan shuddered and grimaced. “Argh, I think I need it more.” He said, taking a sip on from the bottle of rum. “This place is at that of becoming a brothel. I’m not paid enough.”

Hank huffed in agreement. The sound brought Logan’s attention to him. He crouched in front of the couch where they sat Hank down and peered into his eyes for a few seconds before nodding.

“Whenever you’re ready…” Logan muttered as he sat down on the floor and leaned back on his elbows, legs crossed.

Hank’s brain raked everything that happened for the past few hours and decided to start with Strange. It was the easiest that way.

When he opened his mouth, the sun was already high in the sky, Logan was now laying on the rug, awake, as if it was normal, and the screams were now faded in his mind.

“Dr. Strange came to see me today…”

Tags: @thedarkplume @jojodojo02 @the-weird-kid-on-the-block @kaileshay @jenahbell @allthingsuniquelybeautiful

​  @cobym @byb51097 @putinovertime @victoriastefanie04 @readermia @athickgirlsblog @simply-heaven @drsoundcloud @imkindanuts @t-bag2 @gigitheclown @candyloid @ravynnn-12 @deepmuffinspymaker @putinovertime

[poorly-drawn-akira]

It's being debated because (1.) he has shown some degree of rehabilitation (2.) I'm pretty sure it isn't actually going to be considered without some vouching anyway (3.) a dangerous stalker was spotted around the Hagiwara household and none of the inhabitants are particularly strong enough physically nor mentally stable enough to tackle the issue at the moment, and he seems to get along well with Tea.

“There are enough of us around who are perfectly capable of dealing with this guy without him, and I understand that he turned himself and that Tea’s been visiting him (Eijiro told Akira and he told me), but that doesn’t make him trustworthy. It’s only been about three months since it happened, I would hardly consider that rehabilitated. And, yes, admittedly, I am biased as someone who got his arms removed by his group, but I thought everyone would be a little more hesitant before there was even talk of letting him out. And, sorry to prod a sore spot again, but it’s relevant, other people have had to do a lot more to get people to like them, much less trust them, for less than what I’d imagine someone who was called ‘The Rack’ has done.”

[itsclydebitches]

1. (same 3D modeling anon) I follow someone who is going to try and be a youtuber seriously because his actual video work is dead due to the quarantine. He talks about how if he can't pursue this when he has this much free time then he needs to accept it just was never going to happen. I'm taking that same stance with 3D modeling. I used to put off making things off with excuses and now literally I have none and endless time.

I think a lot of it has to do with want vs. need. Just because we technically have the time to do something and, on an emotional/intellectual level want to do it, doesn't mean we have the energy and drive to accomplish that. That's especially true during times like now when the horrors we're dealing with are straight up exhausting and, to be frank, learning new skills is a kind of chore. That doesn't mean we don't enjoy them, or that they're not rewarding, only that the training and self-discipline needed to practice anything daily---even just a five minute doodle---is really hard to maintain. There's a reason why authors tell aspiring writers to treat their craft like a job, getting up and forcing yourself to accomplish a set goal no matter the cost, because relying on inspiration or pure interest isn't enough for most people. But not maintaining that incentive doesn’t mean the desire to have learned/produced the thing ceases to exist. As a writer, I always want to write. That doesn't always mean I can write though. Or, as my friend and I often put it, I often want to have written: I want to bypass the more challenging aspects and have the piece I imagine in my head right here and now because the act of creating it, no matter how fulfilling in the end, is still a mentally challenging act that I don't always have the energy for at the end of a day. Or during the heart of a pandemic. Art often exists  as something you do and don't want to do simultaneously. I do want to write, but I also want to just veg and watch TV. They each fulfill a different enjoyment and a different need, so depending on what else is going on in my life the latter often tends to win out. I think that those who insist that if they can’t do X now then they obviously can’t do it at all should reassess that belief, simply because there’s so much else going on and mental health is a crucial part of education. A time when people are terrified, lacking a stable schedule, and uncertain about their future is not the perfect opportunity for testing what we’re capable of. That’s not to say learning and art don’t occur during times of tragedy (they absolutely do, especially as a way to process) only that it’s akin to throwing someone into a burning room with an unknown time limit and saying, “Well if you can’t complete this task under all this stress and with all these distractions then I guess you can’t complete it at all.” 

Energy is just one small piece of the puzzle though. If we're talking specifically about new skills---learning 3D modeling, learning to draw, etc.---you have to already have a strong ability to talk to yourself logically and a damn thick skin. What I mean by that is self-doubt and anxiety are real kickers to that drive; the need behind the want. All it takes is one mental comparison between what you're creating and what someone else is producing, one bit of constructive criticism that doesn't end up feeling well-meaning (no matter the intention), one road block where you either can't figure something out or you're required to do it incorrectly an indefinite number of times... and suddenly your want isn't matching up with reality. You wanted to write an entertaining story, not produce this hot mess. You wanted to draw something amazing, not scribble out a doodle that made someone giggle instead of stare in awe. Intellectually we know that any skill takes years of intense practice, but translating that knowledge requires the ability to pep talk yourself and believe it enough to keep going. To recognize that it's just a first draft, that you're just starting out, that your work isn't as bad as you think it is... and I can say from plenty of experience that it's hard. Straight up impossible some days. 

So for me, putting off practicing a skill isn't necessarily evidence that you don't actually want to learn it. It could be evidence of that, but just as often it's evidence that you're physically/mentally exhausted. Or that you need some encouragement. Or you need to take a different approach. Or you need a better teacher. Or you just need a break. Sometimes the best thing we can do for our crafts is to take that step back without guilt. Agreeing with yourself to not write today and just relax instead is always going to be better than self-punishing because you "have" to write every single day if you're actually serious about it. That's simply not the reality for most people, even when they technically have free time, so there’s a fine balance between practicing diligence and discouraging yourself. I've got plenty of things I'm supposed to be writing right now and I'm not for a multitude of reasons. But if someone went, "Well then that means you don't really want to write" I'd start cracking up. Because I absolutely do. It's just that humans are far more complicated than "Desire + free time = productivity." 

[sunnixsunshine]

Okay I'm pretty happy and relieved rn. One of the things that had me pretty down last week is almost over and done with. Without going into full detail, my cousin is being removed from my aunt and uncle's care(they're his grandparents) and he's coming back to us soon where he's safe. He was in their temporary custody for the summer but turns out things... were not fine. And none of us were aware until 2 weeks ago until we got into contact with her friend, telling us everything behind her back; concerned for a boy he'd never met before then and telling strangers about it to make things right(he was unable to tell police until things got stable enough like they somewhat are now). My cousin Taco(in his instance his aunt Taco) has temporary custody granted by my parents, his legal custodians, and he is coming home. He's autistic and was already pretty traumatized by prior abuse so.. This is going to be a pretty rocky adjustment. And stressful. Currently, my mother is being harrassed by her sister but we will soon have a restraining order against her + she will hopefully be taken in and have her mental health evaluated and will get the help she needs. Not sure if I will post much as my cousin readjusts to his routine here(that is once he gets here from NC to TN). Either way, that's one thing off my shoulders right now. Sprry for the lack of art. Been trying to keep up with what's happening, dealing with mental health, ect ect is ect.