#i'm not going anywhere. not yet. don't worry
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genshingorlsrevengeance · 2 days ago
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I'm craving Honkai waifus, so...Silver Wolf, Stelle and Firefly snuggling or just doing soft things with their S/O after a busy day!
(H:SR) Silver Wolf, Stelle, March 7th, and Firefly relaxing with their S/O
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Silver Wolf simply lays in her bed after a mission, not really in the mood to sit on the computer or anything else.
And unsurprisingly, pulls out her phone, dragging S/O with her to either use as a makeshift pillow, or lean against them.
Silver Wolf kicked off her shoes near her bed as S/O leaned against the bed, an arm wrapping around her while she scooted in closer.
Once situated, Silver Wolf exhales in relief seeing that she was in time to log in for her dailies.
(S/O) "...You sounded more concerned about getting that login streak than you were about the mission."
She scoffed, eagerly tapping the screen's prompts.
(Silver Wolf) "Getting the materials needed for this is a pain in the butt. I'll take whatever I can get for free, this game is grindy enough as it is."
S/O rolled their eyes but nevertheless smiled.
(S/O) "Things go well then?"
Silver Wolf shrugged, eyes shifting over to her S/O as her game was loading.
(Silver Wolf) "Yeah, pretty boring though. It was basically a 1-Star mission, at best."
S/O chuckled as she got more comfortable, quickly hearing the familiar tune of her game's menu.
(Silver Wolf) "Gonna do some singleplayer stuff for tonight."
S/O just nodded, understanding Silver Wolf's need to decompress and the two enjoyed a blissful silence. Apart from the...odd noises from her game.
(S/O) "...Silver Wolf is your character moaning?-"
(Silver Wolf) "Climbing a mountain."
(S/O) "And you gotta have that at full volume?"
(Silver Wolf) "Yup."
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Stelle yawned loudly as she flopped onto her bed after finishing the rest of her room's renovations.
It was a long and arduous journey, but now she had a proper part of the Astral Express fully to call her own!
She had finished an impromptu celebration with the rest of the crew, understandably giving her some time alone to relax.
Though, she wasn't entirely alone. A fact made known when her S/O laid on the bed, one hand ruffling her hair.
(S/O) "I still can't believe you slept on a cardboard bed the entire time..."
Stelle didn't move her face, her voice sounding muffled on the mattress.
(Stelle) "WhydoyouthinkIalwayssleptwithyou?"
(S/O) "Is there anywhere you wouldn't sleep?"
Stelle raised her head and moved to say something, but nothing came out as a second of complete silence passed.
(S/O) "...Know what, don't answer that. Just c'mere already!"
Stelle gave S/O a cheeky grin and complied, laying her head on their chest and yawning loudly.
(Stelle) "Now I don't wanna leave this room for the next few days..."
(S/O) "Honestly? With the way this room's set up, we can probably spend the weekend here. Or even longer."
(Stelle) "Hm.~"
One of her arms snaked its way around S/O's waist, her expression becoming softer, yet somehow more mischievous at the same time.
(Stelle) "Well, you're spending the night here, right? I have an idea for something fun to do before we head to bed."
She suddenly sat upright, a gleam in her eyes scaring S/O, but not nearly as much as her next words did.
(Stelle) "Take your clothes off."
(S/O) "WHAT?!-"
...
(S/O) "...Is that bath boiling? And are those peppers?! What kind of bath soak is this?!"
(Stelle) "I wanted to see you use it first."
(S/O) "Oh, so you want me to burn alive?!"
(Shush's Voice) "No worries, Significant Other of the Nameless! It'll just give you a whole new pepper-spective on baths!"
(S/O) "GAH! W-WHY IS SHUSH JUST STANDING OUTSIDE?!"
(Stelle) "Oh for the love of- GET THE [BANAB] OUT OF HERE!"
(S/O) "...How did you make that noise?"
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March 7th's arms stretch over her head, making a cute grunt as she fell onto her bed, exhaling in satisfaction.
(March 7th) "Man, what a day!"
(S/O) "March, we were only outside for a few hours."
(March 7th) "Yeah, but we tasted a LOT of food on the planet today! I could just go into a food coma right now..."
S/O just hummed at that, setting aside some leftover sweets on her table.
Following after her, S/O sat at March's side, one hand sliding over to hers.
Without even looking, she playfully squeezed their hand back and closed her eyes, making S/O smile.
(March 7th) "GUARD IS DOWN!-"
March 7th immediately pounced on S/O, suddenly dragging them down to the bed with her as they yelped in surprise before it quickly turned into laughter.
(S/O) "Hey, that's not fair!"
(March 7th) "Not my fault you weren't expecting it! You think I'd just let you sit down peacefully?"
Well, they couldn't exactly argue with that.
And catching them off guard again, she gave them a quick peck on the lips, both their cheeks flushing red, yet neither of them were bothered by the playful intimacy.
Quickly, the mood simmered into something a little more romantic, with the pecks turning into longer smooches, both of them still smiling the entire time as they cuddled onto the bed further.
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Firefly finished changing into something a little more casual, that being a simple shirt with some shorts, pulling S/O's hoodie over her head to finish it off.
S/O meanwhile was already yawning, lying on the bed and smiling upon seeing their girlfriend.
(S/O) "You look super cute in that, Firefly."
Even after being in a relationship, little comments like that was enough to fluster her, Firefly instinctually pulling the bottom of the hoodie further down.
(Firefly) "Thank you..."
With a soft giggle, Firefly hopped onto bed with S/O. Despite the mission she had gotten back from, she wasn't particularly tired, due to her genetic enhancement.
Firefly let S/O hold her, comfortably just chatting about whatever came to mind.
It was moments like these Firefly treasured the most with how uncommon it was.
...Even if the conversation did lead to some odd places.
(S/O) "Hm...I'm hungry right now."
(Firefly) "I can make us something real quick if you want?"
(S/O) "Nah, I don't want you to cook...Oh, I can order pizza!...Hm."
(Firefly) "Having second thoughts?"
(S/O) "Do...you think you guys could get pizza for free if you answered the driver in your armor? They'd be pretty scared right?"
Firefly immediately turned her head, pouting as her hand immediately but lightly "chopped" S/O's head.
(Firefly) "S/O! Absolutely not, I will not abuse my powers like that!"
(S/O) "Hah! Sorry, sorry! It was a joke! Though, I do wonder has anyone tried getting delivery?"
(Firefly) "No, but we usually do takeout."
(S/O) "Takeout? How's that work, wouldn't you guys get recognized really easily?"
(Firefly) "Hm, not really. I'm the one to grab it since most people don't know that I'm Sam, though if we need the food to be hot, I sometimes equip my armor and fly home."
(S/O) "...Firefly, you could make a killing doing food delivery if you weren't a Stellaron Hunter!"
(Firefly) "Oh geez, now you're starting to sound like Caelus..."
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atangledfate · 3 days ago
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Lanolin was rather focused on trying to get a signal to call back to the command center when she was approached from behind. She didn't really acknowledge them as she had far bigger issues to deal with. Like dealing with this gun incursion, and finding Jewel. She thought if she called her maybe she could reach her phone? Though she guessed Clutch took her phone away. She just needed to know if she was ok but, she also couldn't waste anymore time and had to get back to the Command Center. Yet Twist's voice finally got her attention and she turned around to face him directly.
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" Yes, I'm Acting Director of Restoration. With so many people off base... i was put in command. "
she explained without saying to much more then that.
" I'll be honest... I don't right trust GUN right now further then i can throw the lot of them. But... If you can get these people to safety, or even some more of our staff allowed in. I'd be grateful... tell me what you need "
=============================================
Jewel was still quite dazed from her injury, and her carapace was cracked on her head slightly from the impact to it. She was shocked to see the two ruffin's but then she recalled she did come here to let them out. She recalled Clutch saying they'd been caught and were just expendable and thus he had no intention of saving them. But then the cave in, her head--- had Charm been there? oh chaos where was he!
She didn't have time to think about it as the Skunks dove for her and she tried to fly away but, between her throbbing head and blurred vision she didn't get very far. With one of the boys grabbing her leg and dragging her down! She was held fast, but shockingly didn't fight back. She was tired, hurting, and her head was spinning. The less she moved the better she felt and where did she even have to go? she just went limp in there arms and looked rather dejected and defeated.
But there was always more then one way to win a battle
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" ... you two haven't thought this through have you? "
She said in a soft tone as speaking caused her head to throb more
" ... Or rather i doubt you know the situation. How about... you set me down so my head stops spinning and--- we just talk this out? i won't run i promise... both because i can't do to my injury, and because isn't anywhere to go... plus i'm no fighter, so you have nothing to worry about... "
"Alright, after I go talk to the commander I'll see where I can help if she declines my offer to at least get civilians moved to a hospital." Twist figured he'd talk to the commander before going off and seeing what he could do. The lemur making his way over, though raised a brow seeing the tenrec dash off. Hopefully she had more respect for the law than that Sonic character.
Twist then walked up to Lanolin. "Excuse me, I was told you were a commander. The names Twist, I'm Tangles father. Noticed your medical staff is a bit understaffed. I used to work for G.U.N and still got some contacts. If ya want I can make a few calls, at least get all the civilians green lit to be taken out of the base and to a hospital."
===========================================================
Rough and Tumble reacted on the instincts there as both their guts told them something was about to go down, and good thing too as they managed to prevent Jewel from being squished under a ton of rubble and metal. That said when she finally came too the two skunk brothers were in the middle of finishing a tunnel in the floor, only stopping when they heard the beetle speak. Then there was a pause for a moment.
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"Grab her!" Rough would suddenly shout when prompted both him and Tumble to make a grab for Jewel. Despite the blue skunk being the faster of the two the larger skunk moved surprisingly fast for someone of his size. Seemed like their plan was to sneak out without getting noticed, though clearly that was out the window so the next best plan was a hostage.
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honeydixonn · 1 day ago
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Back to Friends, Myung Gi
five, six leg race
4687 words
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"I'm Young Il," he said simply, his voice calm and steady as he extended a hand.
Myung-Gi clasped it firmly, pulling himself up with a wince. "Myung-Gi, Lee Myung-Gi. I can't thank you enough for stepping in."
Young-Il gave a small nod, brushing off the gratitude with a subtle wave of his hand. As he took a step toward Nari, intending to help her up, he hesitated when Myung-Gi instinctively pulled her into his arms.
"Are you alright?" Myung-Gi's voice was low with concern as he gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering to cup her jaw while his eyes searched hers for any sign of injury.
Nari's gaze flickered to Young-Il, who stood quietly nearby, his expression unreadable as he watched the exchange. She gently pulled away from Myung-Gi's protective hold and stepped toward Young-Il, bowing her head deeply.
"Thank you, sir. I'm Nari—Ha Nari," she said, her voice steady despite the tremor of lingering adrenaline.
Young-Il's lips curved into the faintest smile as he clasped his hands behind his back, his focus shifting momentarily toward his group in the distance. "No need to thank me," he replied coolly. "I was only doing what was right." With a slight bow, he turned and strode off without another word, disappearing back into the crowd.
Myung-Gi's jaw tightened as he watched him leave, his focus snapping back to Nari. His hands settled firmly on her shoulders, his tone sharp but laced with worry. "What were you thinking, Nari? You could've been hurt! Why would you put yourself in danger like that?"
Her hands shot up, shoving his arms away. "What did you want me to do, Myung-Gi? Stand there and watch them beat you?!" Her voice cracked, the frustration in her tone betraying the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside her.
He dragged a hand through his hair, tugging at the strands as he let out a shaky breath. "You always act without thinking," he muttered, his voice quieter now, his frustration tempered by the weight of his guilt. "You don't have to protect me all the time, Nari."
His hands softened as he cupped her face again, his thumb brushing lightly against her cheek. "I mean it," he said, his voice almost a whisper now. "You don't have to fight for me. I'm here to protect you too, but you need to take care of yourself. You're important to me."
His words sent a tremor through her, a warmth that both confused and comforted her. She wanted to argue, to tell him she couldn't just sit idly by, but his tenderness made her pause.
"I'm not used to that," she admitted, her voice barely audible. "Letting someone else worry about me. I've been on my own for so long."
A faint, melancholic smile tugged at his lips, his eyes softening as they held hers. "Then let me show you how," he murmured, his voice gentle yet firm. "I'm not going anywhere this time, Nari. I promise."
For a brief moment, his words enveloped her like a warm shield, offering solace she wasn't sure she could accept. She swallowed, nodding slowly, as though willing herself to believe.
"Okay," she said, her voice calm but laced with a hesitation she couldn't quite mask. "I'll trust you." Yet deep down, a flicker of doubt remained. She wasn't entirely convinced, her agreement more a way to end the conversation than a genuine surrender of her guard.
He smiled again, quiet and sincere, the kind of smile that reached his eyes and made her heartache. For a fleeting instant, she allowed herself to imagine—just imagine—that maybe, someday, she wouldn't have to bear her burdens alone. But the walls around her heart remained intact, silently questioning if his promise could ever hold.
His hands lingered on her cheeks for a heartbeat longer, as if to solidify the pact. Then, slowly, he released her, his fingers trailing down her jawline before his arms fell to his sides. "I'll always be here, no matter what," he said, and she believed him.
"Come on," Myung-Gi said, gently pulling her hands toward the bed where her tin of food still sat. "Finish your meal, please." He glanced toward Thanos and his group, keeping an eye on them when something caught his attention. His gaze flickered back to Nari, who was holding out a spoonful of kimchi and rice with a soft smile.
He knew she wouldn't let him off the hook until he took a bite, so he opened his mouth, letting her feed him. But what started as one bite turned into several, with Nari feeding him between her own bites. The quiet intimacy of the moment felt almost comforting.
Once they were done, Myung-Gi returned the plate to the guards and stretched out on the bed, staring up at the top of the bunk. The room was quiet, save for the hushed chatter across the way. His mind drifted, replaying the events of the day—the lives lost, the games they'd been forced to play, each one a quick death, eroding everything. He thought about the debts they still had to pay and how he'd need to invest in a better cryptocurrency to recover what they'd lost.
He hummed to himself, satisfied with his plans, when suddenly, a face appeared directly above him. "What are you doing?"
His eyes widened in surprise, his body jolting at the unexpected intrusion. He looked up at her, her hair falling from behind her ears, and his gaze lingered on her pink lips, which were formed into a slight pout.
For a moment, he wanted to reach up and kiss her, but the thought quickly faded. After everything that had happened over the last six months, he knew things could never be the same between them. They could only be friends now.
"I'm just looking at your bruises," she said, her voice soft as she gently tilted his head to the side, exposing the darkening blue and purple marks on his face. He groaned softly as her finger brushed over the tender spot.
"I'm sorry!" she exclaimed, her voice suddenly quieter, as she carefully moved his head back into a more comfortable position. "Is it bad?" Her head shook with a small lie.
Myung-Gi sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "It'll get worse tomorrow," he muttered. "Just try not to get punched again." Nari sat up next to him, offering a small, playful smile.
"Wow," he said, his mouth curling into a grin, "great advice. I should've thought of that earlier." His eyes softened as he looked at her, appreciating the rare, simple moment between them. He couldn't help but smile a little more, a genuine warmth spreading inside him as he watched her. There was something so effortless about the way she cared for him, despite everything that had happened.
"Well," she said after a beat, her voice softening as she leaned back, "if you ever need a better strategy for avoiding punches, I'm your girl."
His grin widened, and he chuckled lightly, feeling a rare sense of peace. "I think I might take you up on that," he replied, his voice low and playful.
For a moment, they both just sat there in silence, the weight of their past hanging between them but not suffocating them. It wasn't perfect, but in that small corner of the world, it was enough. He wasn't sure what would come next, but for the first time in a while, he was willing to let the future unfold—one quiet moment at a time.
"Lights out in 5 minutes," the woman's voice crackled over the PA system, dragging them back into the harsh reality of the moment.
"Are you sleeping close tonight?" Myung-Gi asked, his voice low, as he propped himself up on his arm, his eyes focused on her. He didn't want her too far away. Not with everything that had been happening, not with the growing uncertainty about tomorrow. He wanted to make sure she was as safe as she could be, even if only for tonight.
Her eyes flickered up briefly to meet 388's as he settled into bed with his new group. He gave her a tight smile and a quick wave, his expression unreadable as he lay back, preparing for whatever would come next. The timer on the wall continued its relentless countdown. She smiled back at him before shifting her attention back to Myung-Gi, the light from the dimming bulbs catching her expression. "Yeah, if you don't mind."
He shook his head, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he watched her slide into the space of the bed beside him. The simple act of her moving closer made his chest tighten, a flicker of warmth cutting through the cold, uncertain thoughts racing in his mind.
"Lights out in five, four, three, two, one," the voice on the PA counted down, and the room was suddenly cloaked in darkness, the low hum of the building the only sound filling the space. The lights cut off, and the quiet settled over them like a heavy blanket. The rustle of bodies shifting in the beds around them was the only movement in the stillness. Myung-Gi's eyes followed her as she shifted under the thin, itchy blanket, her silhouette barely visible in the darkness.
"Goodnight, Jagi," he murmured softly, his eyes reflecting a mix of emotions—love, fear, and the uncertainty of what tomorrow would bring. She met his gaze, her expression calm, though he could sense the tension hidden behind it.
"Goodnight, Gi," she whispered back, her voice steady but with an undercurrent of something he couldn't quite place. She smiled at him, the kind of smile that didn't quite reach her eyes but still held a depth of understanding that made his heartache.
His smile lingered, but the warmth didn't reach his chest. He had mastered the art of hiding his feelings, of putting on a mask that made him seem calm, but inside, the chaos was louder than ever. Tomorrow's game wasn't just another game. It was a reminder that, no matter how much he wanted to protect her, the choices were no longer his to make.
The thought of tomorrow's challenge—where lives were reduced to mere moves in a twisted game of fate—squeezed his chest with a suffocating weight. He wasn't sure if he could live with the consequences if things went wrong. He couldn't bear the thought of losing her, or anyone else, because of something as senseless as a game.
His thoughts spiraled, and he found himself staring at the ceiling, the faint outlines of the other beds around him, the muffled sounds of people settling in for the night. He could hear the soft, uneven breaths of the others, their bodies adjusting to the uncomfortable surroundings.
For a fleeting moment, he allowed himself to feel the small comfort of her presence beside him, even though they both knew the game would change everything. He wanted to hold onto this feeling, this rare moment of peace, but the fear gnawed at him relentlessly.
He turned his head to the side, eyes meeting hers once more in the dark. The vulnerability in her gaze mirrored his own, and it made something inside him shift. They were in this together, no matter what came. He didn't have all the answers, and he wasn't sure he could protect her the way he wanted to, but for tonight, they could share this quiet space—this small bit of normalcy.
"Don't worry," she whispered, as though she could read his mind. "We'll make it through. Just... stay with me."
His heart skipped a beat at her words. He nodded, though he knew it wasn't that simple. But for tonight, he would hold onto her words. He would hold onto the warmth of the moment, even as the storm of uncertainty loomed just ahead.
"Stay with me," he echoed quietly, a promise to both her and himself.
The hauntingly familiar music echoed through the room, dragging them from their uneasy sleep. Before anyone could fully comprehend the gravity of the new day, the doors buzzed open, and the masked men entered with their usual cold authority.
"Attention, please," one of them announced, his voice chilling. "The second game will begin momentarily. Please follow the instructions from our staff. Let me repeat."
Myung-Gi slowly sat up in the bed, stretching his stiff muscles as the realization hit him—today would bring more death. He glanced over at Nari, watching as her eyes fluttered open. She sat up too, her gaze meeting his. His heart clenched at the thought of them both having to endure another horrific game.
"Come on," Nari sighed, offering him a weak smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. She reached out, taking his hand in hers, her grip steady despite the anxiety that was clearly building in her. "Let's just do our best, okay?"
He nodded, trying to swallow down the dread rising in his chest. They had no choice but to keep going, no matter how terrifying it felt. The players were ushered once more through the garish, dizzying loop of the colorful room—bright pinks, yellows, and greens flashing before their eyes, matching the tracksuits they wore. The chaos of the colors was almost overwhelming, and Myung-Gi felt a sense of vertigo as they climbed the stairs.
He followed behind Nari, his eyes scanning the space around them. But before they could get very far, someone moved past them and stepped in front of Nari.
"Hi, I forgot to introduce myself yesterday," the man said with a grin. "I'm Dae-Ho. Kang Dae-Ho!"
He extended his hand toward Nari, who took it gratefully. Myung-Gi's gaze flicked to the man, noting the number "388" stitched onto his tracksuit.
"Ha Nari," she replied, offering a faint smile. "Thank you again for saving me yesterday. I wouldn't be here without you."
Myung-Gi's chest tightened. The words felt like a punch. That should have been him. He should have been the one to save her. His body stiffened, jealousy coiling inside him as he fought to keep his expression neutral.
"It's fine," Dae-Ho said with a shrug, his voice light. "I know it was terrifying, so I just did what felt right."
His smile widened, but then he leaned in closer to Nari, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Choose triangle." He raised his hand to his forehead, giving her a quick salute before stepping past them, barely sparing Myung-Gi a glance.
Myung-Gi's brow furrowed as he watched Dae-Ho ascend the stairs. "What was that?" His voice held a trace of suspicion.
Nari looked at him, her expression thoughtful. "He told me to choose triangle. Maybe the man from his group who played before gave them hints."
Myung-Gi hummed in response, a cold chill running up his spine at the encounter. He couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't quite right about Dae-Ho. "We'll see," he muttered, the uncertainty gnawing at him.
They reached the top of the stairs and entered a new room—shades of blue filled the space, the windows tinted pink, with teal drapes hanging from the walls. The air was unsettlingly calm, save for the children's song playing on a loop through the speakers. The song, a twisted lullaby, only added to the eerie atmosphere. Two large circles, each filled with rainbow-colored lines, were marked on the floor ahead of them.
Myung-Gi's heart raced as he surveyed the room, the unease settling deep in his bones. The colors, the song—it all felt like a trap, but they had no choice but to move forward. Whatever awaited them next, they would have to face it together.
"Welcome to your second game."
The players shuffled out into the large, sterile room, their faces etched with confusion as they took in their surroundings. The space was vast and empty, save for a series of circles painted on the floor, offering no hint of what lay ahead.
"This game will be played in teams. Please divide into teams of five within the next ten minutes. Let me repeat..."
The announcement echoed ominously, sending a ripple of tension through the group. Subconsciously, the players began to scatter, gravitating toward the circles as their eyes darted around the room, searching for any clue about the upcoming challenge.
Myung-Gi's attention wavered until his gaze fell upon a familiar face—Dae-Ho, the man he'd encountered earlier. To his dismay, Dae-Ho's group was moving toward the same circle where he and Nari stood. Myung-Gi's jaw tightened, suspicion flickering in his chest. What could Dae-Ho possibly want with her?
"Teams?" Nari's soft voice broke through his spiraling thoughts, drawing his attention back to her. Her hand gripped his tightly, her expression fraught with uncertainty. "What are we playing?"
"I'm not sure," he admitted, glancing at the timer that had appeared on a screen above them. Ten minutes. The countdown had already begun.
"I don't think we should be on the same team," she said hesitantly, her voice trembling slightly.
His heart sank, and his brows furrowed. "What?" he asked, his voice low, disbelief washing over him.
"I-I just mean..." She exhaled a shaky breath, struggling to articulate her reasoning. "You might have a better chance if I weren't on your team. And I'm a woman—no team is going to want both of us."
The truth in her words cut him deeply, though he hated to admit it. In this ruthless game, women were often overlooked, dismissed as liabilities. But the idea of separating from her left a hollow ache in his chest. He opened his mouth to protest when Dae-Ho suddenly appeared before them.
"My apologies for interrupting." Dae-Ho's voice was calm, his posture confident as he gave them a polite bow. Strands of hair fell loose from the ponytail he wore, clinging to his skin. "I just wanted to clear up any confusion. The game isn't Dalgona like last time."
"It's okay," Nari replied quickly, her tone tinged with sadness. "We're just... struggling to find a team. We know no men want women on their teams, so we can't stick together."
Dae-Ho's expression softened at her honesty. "Ah," he said, glancing between them thoughtfully. "My team is looking for one more person, and I'm sure they won't mind having a woman. We have two ex-marines—including myself—and the man who won this entire game before."
Myung-Gi's heart sank further. Logically, he knew she'd be safer with them, her odds of survival exponentially higher. But emotionally, the thought of letting her go was unbearable.
"Please take her to your team," Myung-Gi said suddenly, his voice steady despite the turmoil inside him.
Nari's eyes widened in shock. "Myung-Gi! What about you?" she asked, her worry palpable as her nails pressed lightly into his hand, stopping him in his tracks.
"I'll be fine," he assured her, though the words felt hollow. "I'll find a strong group, I promise."
She hesitated, doubt flickering in her eyes, but before she could protest further, he gently lifted her hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss on her knuckles.
"I promise," he repeated, his voice firmer now.
Dae-Ho stood quietly, sensing the depth of their connection but choosing not to intrude. He nodded, his tone solemn as he said, "I'll keep her safe. Marine's honor." He saluted Myung-Gi and bowed respectfully.
"I'll be fine," Nari whispered, trying to convince herself as much as him.
Myung-Gi offered her a small, tight smile before leaning in to press a kiss to her cheek. "I'll see you when it's all over," he said softly.
She nodded, allowing Dae-Ho to lead her away. At the last moment, she glanced back, her eyes meeting Myung-Gi's as he gave her a reassuring wave.
His smile faded the moment she disappeared from view, replaced by a steely determination. With a deep breath, he turned back toward the crowd, ready to find his own group, though the ache of their separation lingered heavily in his chest.
As they approached his group, Dae-Ho's excitement grew, his grip on Nari's hand firm but gentle. "Sir! I've found someone," he called out with enthusiasm, a proud smile lighting up his face.
The three men in the group turned toward him, their curiosity piqued. Player 390 let out a cheer, clearly relieved to complete their team. "Yes! Finally!"
Young-Il stepped forward, his posture calm, hands resting at his sides. His sharp eyes scanned the area behind Dae-Ho. "Where is he?" he asked, his tone composed but expectant.
Dae-Ho stepped aside, revealing Nari standing hesitantly behind him. The group froze, their expressions shifting to disbelief.
"A woman?" Player 390 blurted out, his mouth falling open in shock. His tone made it clear he hadn't expected this choice.
Before anyone could voice further objections, Player 456 stepped forward, his demeanor calm and logical. "This could be good," he said, his gaze settling on Nari. "We don't know what the game is yet. She might be exactly what we need."
The reassurance settled the tension, and Dae-Ho's grin widened as he gave Nari a friendly pat on the shoulder. "Ha Nari," he introduced, his pride evident.
Young-Il's eyes lit up with recognition as he stepped closer, bowing slightly with a faint grin tugging at his lips. "It's nice to see you again, Nari," he said, his voice warm and composed.
Nari bowed in return, her unease easing slightly under the calm confidence of Young-Il and Dae-Ho's support. She wasn't sure what was ahead, but she felt the weight of their trust and determination as they prepared for whatever lay ahead.
The voice from the intercom rang out again, crisp and commanding. "Attention: team selection will end momentarily." A few seconds later, the timer beeped, signaling the end of the period. "Time for team selection is up," the woman announced.
The square-masked guard stepped forward, instructing the players to sit in horizontal rows with their respective teams. One circle held 35 teams, while the other had 37.
"The game you will be playing is called Six-Legged Pentathlon," the voice continued.
Nari sat tensely with her team, her eyes fixed ahead, though she could feel Dae-Ho and Player 390 sneaking glances her way. Her thoughts swirled with unease, her mind drifting to Myung-Gi. Had he found a strong team? Was he safe?
"You will start with your legs tied together," the woman's voice on the intercom echoed across the room. "Each member will take turns playing a mini-game at every ten-meter mark. If your team wins, you may proceed to the next station."
Nari's gaze flitted around the room, taking in the guards who were diligently setting up five stations. Each bore the promise of a challenge they would soon face.
"Here are the mini-games," the voice continued. "Number one: Ddakji. Number two: Flying Stone. Number three: Gonggi. Number four: Spinning Top. Number five: Jegi. Your goal is to win all the mini-games and cross the finish line within five minutes. Please decide who will play each mini-game."
Player 390 grinned, leaning closer to Young-Il and Player 456. "It's good we got a woman," he said, as though this solved everything. Turning to Nari, he added, "You can play Gonggi, right?"
Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment as the eyes of her teammates bore into her. She hesitated, lowering her gaze. "No... I'm sorry, sir," she murmured.
390 sighed loudly, shaking his head. "A girl who can't play Gonggi? This isn't looking good for us," he muttered.
The tension in the group thickened, but Young-Il's calm demeanor didn't falter. "It's fine," he said with a reassuring smile, his voice steady. "We'll figure this out."
Dae-Ho cleared his throat, his expression thoughtful. "Actually... I can play Gonggi," he admitted, his voice cutting through the doubt.
Player 390 raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You? A ex-marine playing Gonggi?"
Dae-Ho nodded, a faint smile tugging at his lips. "I grew up with four older sisters. I used to play with them from time to time."
The group exchanged surprised glances before 390 gave Dae-Ho a solid pat on the back. "Alright, that's what I'm talking about. A marine can handle anything," he said with a grin.
456 leaned forward, his expression serious. "Good. Now, let's decide on the other games. What's everyone confident with?"
Nari shifted nervously but spoke up. "I'm pretty good at Ddakji," she said, her voice tinged with uncertainty. "I... even won against the salesman more than he did."
Young-Il turned to her, his expression softening. "Perfect. Then you'll handle Ddakji." His tone carried no doubt, only trust.
Nari hesitated, clutching the hem of her sleeve. "Are you sure I can handle it?" she asked quietly, glancing up at him.
Young-Il nodded firmly. "I'm sure. Trust me, Nari. This isn't about being the strongest; it's about working together as a team. We all have a role to play."
Dae-Ho added with a reassuring smile, "You've got this. Just focus on your part, and we'll handle the rest."
Nari swallowed hard but nodded, her resolve growing. She could feel the weight of their trust, and it filled her with a flicker of determination. She wouldn't let them down.
"Miss 114, you can play Ddakji. I'll handle Flying Stone," Player 390 said with a grin, a flicker of nostalgia lighting his eyes. "I was a pitcher for my baseball team back in the day. I've got a good arm for throwing."
Player 456 nodded, then turned to Young-Il, leaning closer. "That leaves Jegi and Spinning Top. Which one are you better at?"
Young-Il glanced down at his hands, flexing his fingers thoughtfully before looking up. "I'll play whichever one you pick for me, Gi-hun."
456 froze, his brows lifting in surprise. "You know my name?"
Young-Il's expression stiffened for a brief moment, as though caught in a mistake, before he smiled softly. "Oh, I overheard your friend calling you by your name, so I thought I'd use it too." He gestured casually toward 390, then locked eyes with Gi-hun. "Does it bother you?"
Gi-hun blinked, his earlier surprise giving way to reluctant ease. "No, it's fine," he said, his voice quiet as he brushed off the unease.
Seizing the moment to steer the conversation back on track, Young-Il asked, "So, Gi-hun, which game are you good at?"
Gi-hun hesitated, staring at the ground as memories of childhood games swirled in his mind. "I guess I'm better at Jegi," he admitted after a pause.
"Then I'll take Spinning Top," Young-Il said with a decisive nod.
The two men exchanged glances of agreement before 390 clapped his hands together, capturing everyone's attention. "Alright, team! Hands in the middle."
Dae-Ho adjusted his position slightly, ensuring Nari could lean against him comfortably. As their hands stacked one atop another, their faces turned serious with quiet determination.
From across the room, Myung-Gi watched the simple gesture of unity, a pang of sadness coursing through his chest. He didn't know that the man he was so jealous of—Dae-Ho—saw Nari as nothing more than a little sister.
"All together now!" 390 said enthusiastically, his grin breaking through the solemn air. "On three, we say, 'Victory at all costs.'"
"One... two... three!"
Their voices rose in unison as their hands shot into the air, shouting, "Victory at all costs!"
The echo of their chant lingered in the air, and for a fleeting moment, their determination burned brighter than the fear of what lay ahead.
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supercantaloupe · 7 months ago
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i really don't want to start having to block/filter jewish tags and content on here because i love being jewish and engaging in judaism but the weight of all the heinous antisemitism i have to see every day whether i seek it out or not on here (whether under the guise of discourse about i/p or not) is really starting to take its toll. i want to come to this website to share jokes and opera gifs and pictures of weird animals and quotes from the talmud and post my stream of conscious or whatever else strikes my fancy in the moment, but not constantly be exposed to the thousands of people online and off who want me dead for merely existing (and existing unashamedly), and who have zero reservations about saying so.
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heloflor · 1 year ago
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Ok so for about a good two-three months now I had a post in my drafts about how I realized I ship Powser, and long story short I started comparing Bowser to what I think to be how most villains in media interact with their damsel in distress if they express “love” for them. Issue is, I don’t have nearly enough knowledge/examples on this topic to know how truthful this comparison is, but said comparison is also the main thing tying this post together. So when thinking of ways to remove this element while still having all the same info in this post, I kind of came up short. Plus, I like the way the post is structured as is.
In other words, here’s the post as I originally wrote it, but be aware that the comparison is probably very flawed. Maybe there’s some truth to it, probably not. In any case, just focus on the Powser side of it, the villain comparison is just there for the structure. Enjoy! (long post ahead, a bit over 3k words)
So I recently realized that I really like Powser which I did NOT expect given I’m usually much more of a “friends to lovers” type of person, and trying to understand why I like it led me to think about how villains tend to be presented in their relationship with the “damsel in distress”, and it’s actually very interesting when you compare it to Bowser.
TL;DR: Unlike most villains who showcase sexual attraction (I think?), Bowser is shown to be romantically attracted to Peach. And while his actions are still very much shitty and should be seen as such, man is he adorable sometimes ! Plus, the way his feelings are shown to be genuine makes him look better than most villains, whose “love” for their victim is portrayed as """creepy lust""" by their medias.
(Obviously there is absolutely nothing inherently wrong with sexual attraction. I’m talking in the context of medias that sometimes tend to vilify it, especially when it comes to the antagonists, hence the language used in this post.)
So the first thing that came in mind while thinking of other villains was Dis//ney’s Alad//din (the 90s/animated one) and how Jaf/ar treats Jasm/ine at the end of the movie, more specifically when he wishes for her to fall in love with him and she ends up pretending to be as a distraction.
Thing is, Jasm/ine doesn’t act like she’s in love with Jaf/ar, she acts like she’s thirsting for him, and the way Jaf/ar reacts shows that this is pretty much what he had in mind when saying he wants her to love him. This isn’t love, it’s lust.
Now, I can’t say I’m someone who watches a lot of movies, especially not live-actions ones, so take what I’m about to say with a huge grain of salt. Basically, I kinda feel like what we see in Alad/din is the norm when it comes to villain/victim relationships? Like you have those antagonists who want the damsel in distress to be horny for them, who don’t see those women as people and don’t give a shit about them, only keeping them to get what they want out of them and having no issue discarding them afterwards if they get bored with those poor girls.
Btw that’s not to say that every single villain who kidnaps someone wants to sleep with them. But when it comes to villains who claim to love their victim, there does seem to be at least some sexual tension here, or at least some uncomfortable touches.
And then there’s Bowser. To give a few examples of what he does:
- In that one 1986 anime movie thing, he gets very soft around Peach, gushing about how he’s in love with her and wants to marry her, trying to cheer her up when she’s sad, and let’s not forget that “it’s more of a bracelet, shows that my love is bigger” line with the ring.
- In the mainline “platformers” games, you have “Mario Sunshine” in which Bowser wants his son to have a mother, and “Mario Odyssey” in which he tries to marry Peach, going around the world gathering all the absolute best things for the wedding. There’s also the New Bros U intro with Bowser gently moving Peach’s chair, making sure she doesn’t get hurt by his attack, showing he doesn’t want to hurt her.
- Not sure exactly if this counts as this could be a form of objectification, but you know that cliché of villains getting that all-powerful thing they wanted and immediately betraying/discarding all the people they worked with and/or claimed to love? Well, in the Galaxy games, Bowser gets the power to create a whole new universe, and yet still takes the time to capture Peach, claiming in the first game that he wants her to rule along with him. Again, this could be a form of objectification, especially when looking at his dialogue in the intro of the second game, but it’s still interesting how Bowser doesn’t really fall on that trope, still having his army and Junior on top of Peach (btw the intro of Galaxy 2 is very funny on that front because Bowser literally has enormous powers and yet still makes a detour for Peach, thus causing Mario to be on his tail. Like, let her go dude, she’s not that into you. You got all the powers of the universe, who cares about that one specific woman when you could have literally anybody else?).
- In the first Paper Mario game, Bowser tells Peach that he would fulfill her wishes if she wants (as long as he likes them) and gushes in his diary about how he hopes Peach likes him. And in Thousand Years Doors, he keeps trying to look for her upon hearing she got kidnapped.
- In Super Paper Mario, he gets overjoyed about the wedding but still immediately shows worry for Peach when Nastasia uses her mind control on her, and in general Bowser spends the game clearly loving being able to call Peach his wife, and joins the team again in 7-2 out of concern for her safety. Same with 8-1 where for all he knows he’s about to die and yet his main concern is her safety, to the point where he's willing to ask Mario to protect her for him. His priority is not being with Peach, instead it's Peach being safe.
- In Color Splash, the first thing he does when first getting back to himself during the fight is ask if Mario brought Peach with him.
- In Origami King, he doesn’t want her to see him as a wet floor sign and later asks Olly if Peach is safe and comfortable, which as I’ve seen pointed out implies that him capturing Peach is mostly a forced vacation/sleepover until Mario arrives and she’s put on the spot for show.
(- In general Paper Bowser is a huge hopeless romantic, at least from what I’ve seen of him.)
- In Superstar Saga he helps Mario and Luigi reach the Bean Kingdom for Peach’s sake. Then in Bowser’s Inside Story his most beloved and protected memories are his memories of Peach + he makes saving her his priority towards the end. And in Dream Team, he hears a rumor that Peach might have gotten kidnaped and immediately flies all the way to Pi’illo Island to find her.
- You cannot convince me that his car in Mario 3D World wasn’t an attempt to impress Peach, given this is one of the only two games (three with Wonder) where you play as her and face against him. /hj
- In that one old comic people kept bringing up after the movie came out, Bowser spends a lot of time gushing about marrying Peach. Also despite Peach being very temperamental in this comic, I don’t think Bowser once tries to hurt her? Obviously you have the Magikoopa brainwashing her at the end which is fucked up but outside of that does Bowser ever get angry or menacing when it comes to her?
- In general, outside of the games where Peach is playable and the intro of Inside Story (which comes off as OOC for Bowser tbh, I get him being pissed off but him trying to burn Peach is just really off), do we ever get to see Bowser raise a hand on her and/or try to physically hurt her? Same for his anger, how often do we get to see him raise his voice on her? And no the sports and party games don’t count since everyone is doing the same thing to everyone else in those, and in the party games it'd be unfair if playing that one character led to Bowser going easy on the player.
Now I might be missing some more moments, especially since I’m far from the most knowledgeable on the sport/party games and some RPGs (slowly making my way through them), but there’s one thing that is very obvious: while most villains express sexual attraction for the damsel in distress, Bowser expresses romantic attraction.
Bowser genuinely cares for Peach. She’s one of his most precious memories. In Super Paper, he snaps out of the joy of getting married when Peach is getting brainwashed, showing how much he values her safety. He absolutely adores her and isn’t afraid to express it, especially Paper Bowser.
Those two instances (Inside story and Super Paper) especially really seem to lean into how much Bowser loves Peach. In Inside Story, the fact that she’s his most well-preserved memory shows just how much he values the little time he spends with her and how important she is to him, not as some pretty face but as a person he genuinely wants to create more memories with. And in Super Paper, Bleck is giving him the one thing he’s always wanted, and yet he still shows some reticence when Nastasia uses her mind control, making it look like Peach being safe and sound is more important to him than them being a couple. Idk, those two moments just really get to me when you think about it this way.
(Btw in Super Paper I adore that Peach hesitates to leave him in 8-1 because, while we know Peach is incredibly kind so of course she’d be worried for a teammate, for once it feels like Bowser actually earned it. He spends the whole game being caring towards Peach, and wouldn’t you know, being nice and respectful to someone actually makes them care for you! I swear the Powser potential from this game is unmatched!)
When most villains say “I want this woman to love me”, they usually mean “I want this woman to obey and submit to my every want”. When Bowser says “I want Peach to love me”, he means “I want to be able to wake up everyday by her side, make her smile and laugh and be happy, see her be a mother to my kid(s), learn more about her and spend as much time with her as I can”. Bowser isn’t trying to marry Peach because he wants to “own” her, he wants to marry her because he quite literally wants to spend the rest of his life by her side.
Now that’s not to say that Bowser doesn’t feel any form of sexual attraction. But since Mario is such a kids-friendly franchise, the focus is much more on his romantic feelings. Also, I'll admit, whether Bowser is in love with Peach or with the idea of Peach is up for debate.
I think that’s the main reason why so many people are quick to call Bowser sweet/adorable when seeing the way he talks about Peach. Because the thing is, Bowser is still being a complete asshole here. He’s constantly kidnapping her, putting her in a cage on several occasions, forced her to marry him like 6 different times, very often disregards her body autonomy by grabbing her (+ the kidnappings), terrorizes and sometimes even tortures/kills her people, and his phone pic in the parental controls video + the picture frames in Nintendo World make him look like a creep. Despite his feelings for her, there’s definitely a level of objectification here that should not be ignored.
Hell, I didn’t mention the 2023 movie on the list because I’d argue he was more obsessed rather than in love. Plus the scene where he proposes to her low-key feels like the very first time they meet, making his previous actions creepier (or at the very least they barely know each other, heck Peach didn’t even know Bowser likes her!). And he’s quick to use blackmail and violence against her, especially in the end. The wedding cake toppers also show he cares more about himself than Peach and sees her as an object rather than a person.
(I actually take back what I said in my movie reaction post about Bowser being like the one from Super Paper. He might be goofy when showing his softer side, which was what I was focused on when comparing the two, but he’s also clearly not as genuine and sweet as Paper Bowser. The way he mistreats his army and especially Kamek in the movie is also different from most games, most notably the RPGs since that’s when we see him interact with his people and he’s a relatively good king to them.)
Compare 2023 Movie Bowser to the 1986 movie in which he tries to get Peach involved in the wedding preparations, tries to cheer her up, never gets angry at her despite how much she’s resisting him and never once raises his hand on her. Even when she outsmarts him by making him shapeshift, he’s amused by her attempt. Literally the worse he does in this movie is grab her against her will on many occasions (and obviously the kidnaping and forced marriage, that goes without saying).
Going back on topic, despite Bowser being very much horrible in the way he approaches Peach, since every other villain out there is lusting after the woman they capture, making them appear creepy/predatory, Bowser comes off as an angel in comparison. He’s one of those rare cases of a villain who is truly sincere about his feelings for the woman he captures, and since we see other occasions of him being a sweetheart (with Junior) and a dumbass (the RPG series), he becomes an incredibly endearing character. So his feelings for Peach come off as adorable despite the bad elements because we’re aware he has a soft side so we know he’s truly sincere. Him being sometimes more of an antihero in the RPGs + his inclusion in sports games and the like probably also help seeing him in that good light.
(Also yes I’m very much aware that there’s a huge issue when it comes to how fandoms perceive female characters, and I will absolutely believe you if you tell me this is one of the reasons why you have people who talk shit about Peach so much all while defending Bowser’s actions, especially since his feelings for Peach are so rooted into his character. Oh and obviously you have the people horny for Bowser who love his softer/romantic side and value the moments where he displays this part of himself, that goes without saying.)
I’m especially surprised by the 1986 movie showing such a characterization of him, considering it came out 1-2 years after the very first Super Mario game (aka Bowser’s first appearance, at least I think?). Like imagine making a movie about those characters and going “hey you know the giant turtle monster we fight in this game? What if he was a huge lovable dork who just wanted some love in his life?”. Tbh I adore that choice.
Overall, it’s just interesting to see how Bowser differs from other villains on that front. It’s very interesting to see a villain who does pretty terrible things to a girl all the while being genuine in his feelings for her, idk it’s a very cool contrast. I also like how “true love” tends to be a motivation for the heroes, seen as something good, so it’s fun to see stories where villains have that very same motivation without it being “““twisted””” with lust. And yes I know that last point applies to many more antagonists than just Bowser, and not just for feelings like love.
And a bit off-topic but I also really like how you can easily explain Bowser’s behavior here (not justifying it tho!!!). In the Yoshi Island games, we see he was raised as a spoiled brat who was always given what he wanted, made worse by him being a monarch. We even still see some of that behavior in his adult self, for example when he gets angry and starts stomping his foot like a kid throwing a tantrum.
As a result of his upbringing, Bowser likely just doesn’t know how to take a no. He’s used to always get what he wants, and take it by force if necessary. So when Peach refuses him, he does just that, incapable of understanding why she doesn’t want him.
The 86 movie is actually an excellent example of this. In two scenes (the one with Peach outsmarting him and the ring dialogue) we see Bowser getting worked up when Peach is upset, showing he genuinely wants her to be happy. But at the same time he’s incapable of realizing that he’s the reason why she’s so upset and the one thing he should do is let her go. The ring scene especially shows it very well. When Peach throws the ring and starts crying because she doesn’t want to get married, Bowser thinks she’s upset due to the ring being too big and immediately tries to soothe her by promising to get a better ring. Again, it’s kinda crazy how this movie was made when Bowser only existed for a single year and yet they already made him genuinely in love with Peach.
I’d also add that Bowser seems to have a pretty high opinion of himself, thinking he’s awesome and shit (or maybe he’s overcompensating, that seems like a possibility). As a result, it’s possible that his mentality on the situation is “Well I’m in love with her so surely she must love me! How could she not?”, making it even harder for him to comprehend why she doesn’t love him.
Again, it doesn’t justify his actions in the slightest but it’s still interesting how you can somewhat understand why he’s like this.
And as to why I ship Powser, honestly I still have no idea ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I think it has to do with the storytelling potential of a unrequited love/it’s complicated/they have history situation in regards to their roles as monarchs, especially in the case of Peach whose character is brimming with untapped potential. I actually like to describe their relationship as “I hate the effect you have on my life but I couldn’t imagine a life without you in it” or “Our kingdoms are enemies for a good reason but if anything happened to you I’d rush in to save you without hesitation”. It's just that idea of them being ex-lovers who had a bad falling out and how Peach still cares about him to an extent and how their lives constantly intertwine with villains trying to take over their kingdoms + Bowser's kidnappings.
And since we’re talking Powser and since wondering whether they know each other or not in the movie got me to question how we can tell they know each other in the games: the best way I could describe their relationship in the games is familiar/”comfortable”, like you have the way Peach tries to convince Bowser to join the group in Super Paper, the way she talks about him in general in the Mario and Luigi games, or stuff like most cutscenes in Odyssey where she never seems afraid of Bowser.
I’ve also seen that Switch Tennis game with the evil racket and how Peach is the one who tries to get through to Bowser when he steals it, straight up saying “listen to me” which makes it seem like she knows she’s the one person who could get him to stop, or you have the first Rabbids game where she comments on how “Junior is sometimes even worse than his father”, plus the way she looks like a mother about to reprimand her child in the cutscene where Jr learns Bowser is coming home (which I find hilarious; lady that’s not your kid, I thought we’d been through this already in Sunshine!). Oh and CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE WAY SHE’S LOOKING AT HIM IN (spoilers in link) THAT CUTSCENE FROM THE NEW RABBIDS 2 DLC!!!
I don’t know how to fully explain but, looking at these kinds of interactions, you can tell that the two of them know each other, and to an extent Peach knows that Bowser won’t hurt her, hence why she’s not afraid to oppose him. It’s pretty funny actually how in the games Peach tends to be exasperated by Bowser more than anything else. Like he’s not a menace, just a weekly annoyance. And again, when you compare it to the movie where there’s only hostility and awkwardness between them, you do get the impression that they’re two complete strangers meeting for the first time. The fact Movie Peach had no idea about his feelings for her doesn’t help either. Then again, about the hostility, Peach in the games is much sweeter so maybe she shows a nicer side to Bowser because that’s just who she is.
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malachitezmeyka · 11 months ago
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It's that "spend hours sobbing my eyes out in bed for several reasons, including but not limited to the fact tomorrow is Monday, the fact my social battery has been completely drained and won't recover anytime soon, the fact my landlady is due to show up tomorrow evening and will likely piss me off again, the fact I've had the urge to write since Friday and ended up not writing even a single fucking word, the fact exam pressure keeps rising and I still don't know what to do with my life after I'm done with school, and the fact I'm both completely overwhelmed and so terribly lonely at the same time" kind of Sunday evenings
#I'm so fucking exhausted. both mentally and emotionally#I spent the night at my grandma's and then my friend came over and spent the night the following day#and I don't count it as a day off unless I don't go anywhere or see anyone#so you could say I didn't really have a weekend#idk how I'll go to school tomorrow. I think even one person talking to me would make me fucking explode#and yet. despite all that. I feel completely alone#because no one I know irl can provide me with the comfort I so desperately need#spending time with people is all a big distraction from my depressive thoughts#and the second everyone leaves.. I feel more alone than ever. so completely and utterly lonely#I try to fill the void with my imagination. lose myself in my oc verse. and it helps sometimes#but when I'm not feeling particularly inspired or can't some up with anything good... I just end up feeling worse than I did before#everything I do is to distract myself from my mind because the second I'm left alone with my thoughts..#they go to a very dark place very quickly#like now. when my wrists itch and I can't stop crying and know full well that I'll go to bed in a few hours wishing to never wake up#and I'm left with nothing but a gaping hole in my chest. aching for arms to fall into and a shoulder to cry on#despite knowing it's not something I'll ever have#so I grit my teeth and bear it and hold on. for whatever reason#I don't know why I haven't give up yet. it's all arbitrary reasons like 'my friends would be sad if I was gone'#even in matters like these all I end up worrying about is what other people would think. not my own feelings#well. nobody has anything to worry about concerning me anyway. I'm too much of a coward to do anything#if I wasn't I wouldn't have lived to see my 14th birthday#and yet 4 years later I'm still here. wishing for an instantaneous way out that didn't involve me raising a hand against myself#because I really don't know how long I'll be able to take all this for. I don't have much left in me#I'm holding on by a thread. one too close to snapping. I'm scared of how few reasons I can come up with to keep going#I don't see a future ahead of myself. no college or uni or job or relationship or anything that might be worth staying around for#any attempts to imagine what life would be like after graduation are just.. dark and bleak and empty#I haven't got a single clue what I'm going to end up doing. maybe that's why I see so little worth in trying to figure it out#nothing in this world will make me truly happy. I don't have a future#and if I don't have a future... I don't have any reasons to stick around any further#if only I wasn't so much of a coward
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dingusships · 2 years ago
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bigass vent over general life things
things in general are really not great i don't really have any optimism for the future or making a life for myself. like i don't really have any drive or ambition to look forward or work towards anything good/meaningful because as time goes on there are going to be really bad life events that i just don't think i can keep facing anymore. and theyre going to be worse. i'm just dragging along life solely on the basis that i was plopped here to just Exist and that's my task at hand that i'm reluctantly upholding. just exist until it's over
#when i say 'i'm 25' 'i'm going to be 26' it does not feel right coming out of my mouth. i do not feel just 25 or 26 i feel far far older#mentally and physically#when i'm around other people my age i just feel on a completely different plane of experience from everyone else#idk. i've always been a naturally anxious and socially stunted person & def have some kind of lingering trauma that keeps me from connectin#w people. but also having no family members or relatives anywhere near my age (~17 yrs older than me at the least) while i was growning up#probably did something to me as well. my entire life has just been witnessing family members decline and die like dominoes over the course#of 25 years. like i know all about end of life care and legal paperwork and shit like that. i know what grief is like and#seeing how it affects people. i know the stages of dread and worry and numbness & guilt-ridden relief that comes with being terrified 24/7#for an ailing family member over the course of years. knowing what it's like to grieve people who arent dead yet but you know it's coming#and then when the inevitable happens it's horrible. but also you're so exhausted from the strain that you're mostly numb. and then you feel#a sense of relief that the worst is over they're not suffering anymore you don't have to dread it anymore. which obviously makes you#question if you're some kind of deranged asshole for feeling that way. idk#25 for me has been a very eye-opening age where i'm fully realizing how fast time passes. i thought i was at around 18-20 but i was really#just first becoming aware of it.#i know how to view the world from that lens bc that's all i know. i only see life as a preparation for the end#instead of a beginning. or at least see it as a beginning at this current point in my life#covid/lockdown has definitely been a source of mental drain on me as well. the constant fear and paranoia of getting sick AND what sort of#long term consequences i could have due to getting it twice. and what i could have if i get it more than twice#add that with the general social and political climate right now and it's just...so very bleak. home life is bleak & outside world is bleak#vent
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ozzgin · 6 months ago
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Just read your arranged marriage kidnapped by a most post and the humor in the servants always thinking reader is in peril. The same going for monster hubby (He just thinks they're submissive and breedable)
Like none of them realize they are a moster fucker cause they hide it so well. Like just imagining reader be like "oh be gentle with me I'm a dainty maiden" and then giving him the night of his life is hilarious. Or them having dinner and the servants feel bad for them cause monster hubby is eating human meat but their just thinking about other things he can use his tongue on.
Or maybe someone comes to rescue them from the terrible monster finally. But they don't wanna leave and instead fight the knight off. The knight thinks they've been brainwashed or something. Meanwhile the servants think the knight just wasn't good enough to rescue them.
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Content: gender neutral reader, monster romance, NSFW! [Part 1] | [More Monsters]
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The servants are not blind by any means: they can tell, quite plainly, that their monstrous Lord has a soft spot for you. Not only that, but the beast nearly worships you! They've come up with many theories, the latest one involving witchcraft. Surely you must have some sort of magical trickery under your sleeve in order to subdue their Master. There's no other way around it. All previous humans have been devoured, or have died in a pitiful attempt to escape, terrified to the bone upon gazing at his blasphemous Majesty.
You can't blame them. It's probably better for everyone involved if you omit the fact that your source of witchcraft lies in your...genitals. Well, not just that, of course. Your husband had started to lose hope. His appreciation of humans never came to fruition before your arrival. He was expecting you to cower in fear, not throw yourself at him.
He wondered if you wanted something from him in return, but no one could possibly pretend so flawlessly: the way you clung to him unprompted. The way you hungrily took him in, tears welling in your eyes, refusing to let go until you could feel his load avalanching down your throat. The way you'd trap his hips with your legs, despite being weak and feverish, asking that he doesn't stop yet. If that wasn't proof enough, your whines and moans were loud and clear. To think he could have his own little human, one who isn't repulsed by his monstrous form. He would've been content with mere tolerance, yet someone who begged to be fucked by him? He's been delirious ever since.
He loves everything about you, naturally, but he can't deny the shameless addiction he's now developed towards your body. He'd pound you anywhere and anytime if he could. If he needs to leave for official matters, know that the return will burn in the back of his mind.
"An important date, Sir?" one traveling servant will ask, glancing at all the scribbles in the calendar.
"Indeed", he answers solemnly. It's the times when he can finally fuck you dumb.
While the servants worry about their devilish Master being put under leash, for the other fellow humans the opposite seems to be true. You recall your last "rescuing" attempt distinctly. During one of your evening walks, burly, foreign arms swept you off in an instant. Before you knew it, you were holding onto the armored shoulders of an unknown man, as he made his way out of the traditional garden.
"I'll get you out of here", he promised between heaving breaths.
You stared in confusion. What was he saving you from? A good dicking? No matter how much you explained that you do actually like your newly appointed husband, the hero wouldn't budge.
You ended up just walking back home when the man fell asleep.
"That was quite the long walk", your monster partner remarked, polishing his weapons.
"Oh no, I was kidnapped", you state casually. "Got us some fruits on the way back."
Would it have been better to lie about it? On one hand, you do feel terrible for whoever attempted to retrieve you from the claws of the tyrant. Your husband is very possessive, and you know he'll scorch the Earth until that treacherous pest is gutted and fed to the pigs.
On the other hand...he becomes particularly savage after such incidents. You won't be able to sit properly for the next few weeks, but it's worth it.
Tough luck, you tell yourself, lounging in bed with a satisfied smirk and torn apart hole.
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neverendingford · 1 year ago
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#tag talk#vent#idk. I've been dissociating worse than normal recently. leaving the stove on. forgetting to clock out at work.#I've caught myself spacing out more. staring at the same place and I know how long it's been because I look back through my music queue#I'll flip back five songs until I finally find one I remember listening to. I can't do anything without constant music or other audio#I feel like I'm not myself. or.. idk. not in my body. and I don't know who's piloting it. we're both tired and dead.#I don't know what autopilot program is running this body but it's not very good.#I keep realizing that time is passing but I'm not the one spending those minutes#I'm afraid to drive anywhere because I don't know if I can safely drive. I've just been so faded into the background#I just. idk. this stress is fucking me up and I need to keep moving forward I need to keep moving forward I need to keep moving forward I n#but everything is so hard everything takes so long everything is going to be so much more work#and I keep fighting the trained bit in my head that keeps reminding me how well we slept the day after I drained my blood into the tub#how empty and clear my head was in the three days I recovered from opening myself up#I want to be back there. a closed environment. no more worries about my responsibilities.#to be fair. I did spend a pretty bad night with panic attacks and flashbacks and shit so I shouldn't idealize it so much#yeah. hmmmm. I think I've done my best to not think about. but it wasn't all That great#idk. I just. I'm so distant right now. the input lag is hard to work with. I'm zooming in just to see anything.#I'm traveling backwards at constant acceleration and yet somehow I'm still present in the world#my ears drone and the pressure builds in the back of my head but I still have work tomorrow and I can't afford to die#I have too many things to do and I know I will feel better in a few weeks#but also. Christmas is coming up. religious trauma is gonna be a constant zap in my brainstem until January#I was gonna rip a new one but I decided to shower first And Then do it but I lost motivation after the shower so uh I guess I've healed?#like. I just... don't wanna anymore. which is a testament to my recovery over the past five years I suppose.#idk. I'm gonna make it through but I'm not gonna be happy about it
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kruegerspillow · 21 days ago
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taking care of sick, stubborn simon riley is not an easy task...
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you knew something was wrong after he'd arrived home from a deployment
his sneezing and coughing had grown prominent, his body temperature was scorching hot, he felt more exhausted than usual and he did not let you get too close to him
you've asked him if the ac was too cold or if he's feeling unwell
unfortunately, he denies every assumption you make
"love, 'm not sick, trust me. it's just the weather today..."
"christ, 'm not that warm, dunno what you're talkin' about."
"i'm jus' fuckin' knackered today."
"your side's too cold, 'm just... gonna be sleeping 'ere, alright sweet'eart?"
but you're not buying it.
the next morning, you crawled over to his side of the bed before placing the back of your hand on his forehead, pulling away with a hiss at the very much expected heat
so, you decided that you're going to take care of him
he refuses.
buuuut, he realized that it was in fact an order and not a question. there's no choice for him.
unwillingly, he lets you take care of him... and he eventually gives in.
you checked his temperature, gave him his meds and even gave those fever gel pads to him
you basically helped him from dawn to dusk, not letting him move a single muscle because he needs a damn break.
he's hungry? oh, you got it. some warm soup and a cup of tea.
he's cold? don't worry, you got the blankets ready.
he needs to shower? oh no, he's definitely not showering alone.
he'd never felt this vulnerable before, yet, with you? he enjoyed every second of it
once it was time for the both of you to sleep, he'll hesitate sleeping so close to you, out of fear that you're gonna get sick too
"i don't mind sleepin' on the couch, y'know tha'?"
you couldn't care less, though
eventually, he pushed his stubbornness aside and lets you hold him.
your chest pressed against his back, legs wrapped around his waist while his heartbeat synchronized with yours. simon riley wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
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kruegerspillow © 2024 — reblogs are greatly appreciated!
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sanguineterrain · 1 year ago
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how about Jason with the prompt "text me when you get home"? the one time they forget/fall asleep before sending the text and Jay loses hid mind. rushes over expecting them to be dead but they passed out on the couch as soon as they got home
really superbly SCRUMPTIOUS prompt Aud. I love protective jaybird 🥰‼️ thanks for sending something in 🫶
jason todd x gn!reader. worried protective snuggly jason. no warnings really, ya boy is just paranoid and madly in love with you 💓
request something! I rb all fics to @sanguinelibrary
****
As soon as you get out of your last class of the day, your phone rings.
You answer it, wedging the phone between your ear and shoulder as you fish in your bag for a couple of bills. You're already walking to the train station.
"Hi, snookie bear," you say into the phone, slightly delirious with hunger and sleep deprivation.
Jason snorts on the other end. "That's a new one. Hey, baby. Y'heading home?"
"Indeed I am."
"Need a ride?"
You wait and listen. Eventually, you hear the sounds of hitting and grunting in the background. You roll your eyes—only Jason would be in the middle of a fight and then ask if you need a ride home.
"No, I'm okay. It's not dark yet. Plus you sound busy."
"I'm never too busy for you," he says immediately. "And it's gonna get dark in an hour. Are you sure—"
"Yes, Jay," you say gently. "I'm sure. Don't worry about me. I'm going straight home."
You're already at the station. There's a good amount of people, students and workers alike. The university is in a relatively okay part of town, especially during the day. You're not worried. It's not like you traipse through Crime Alley on your downtime.
"Okay." Jason takes a deep breath. "Just—just be careful. Text me when you get home."
You note the hint of worry in his tone. Maybe this week has been particularly saturated with crime. Jason tends to get a little overbearing about your safety when he's had a tough week. You know he had go down to Blüdhaven and help his brother—with what specifically, you don't know.
Most of the time, you're sure you don't want to know.
"I always do," you say. The train pulls up to the station. "Ooh, train's here! I'll talk to you later. I'm thinking of ordering takeout. Too tired to cook."
"Okay, sweetheart. Be safe. Love you. Lock your door."
You roll your eyes fondly. "Yes, Jay. Love you too. Bye."
You hang up as you step onto the train. You pull your headphones out of your bag and shut your brain off during the ride. By the time you get off the train, you've lost hope that you'll be doing any work tonight. You're absolutely wiped out after three back-to-back classes.
It's still light when you get home. You lock the door after you get in, the habit ingrained into you, and dump your bag onto the couch.
Takeout is a no-go. You're hungry now and about thirty seconds away from passing out on the couch.
You change into your home clothes, eat a granola bar, and call it a day. You'll eat more later.
You turn off your phone to bar any annoying notifications and fall into bed, eyes closing immediately.
****
The sound of your deadbolt being teared off its chain wakes you up. You flinch and jump awake, trying to blink through sleep. Your mouth is dry from how hard you slept, and your eyesight is slightly blurry from the sudden flood of moisture.
Your bedroom door swings open, and suddenly you're pulled into warm, heavily muscled arms. You hug back on instinct; you'd know the feel of your boyfriend anywhere.
"Jay, h—"
"You didn't text," he says, voice shaking. "You said you would. I was—I thought you were—"
You tense, guilt knocking into you.
"Shit. Jason, I'm so sorry. I meant to, I was just so tired..."
Jason pulls back to look at you, hands still on your shoulders. His expression is stern.
"I'm gonna pick you up from now on. When are your late days?"
"Jay, no, GCU is across town. You can't possibly pick me up three days a week. That's too much! What about patrol?"
"Somebody else is out at this time," he says stonily. "Crime Alley can wait an hour while I get you home."
His eyes blaze green, a side effect of the Pit. You can tell he's putting every effort into keeping a lid on the worry and fear and anger over your silence.
"Jason." You cup his face. "Honey, I'm safe. I'm sorry I didn't text you. I'm sorry I worried you. But your adrenaline is spiked right now, Jay. Everything feels magnified. I don't need to be picked up. I was perfectly safe coming home. Okay?"
He shakes his head, holding your wrists. "Anything could've happened. I was so—fuck, baby, I was so scared. I-I checked the station footage and the traffic cams, and I didn't see you after you cut through the park, and I thought—I was sure you'd—"
Jason pulls your arms around his neck and buries his face into your shoulder. He supports you by the backs of your thighs, tugging you into his lap. Then he clings tight.
"Oh, Jay," you murmur, petting his curls. "I'm alright. This end of Gotham isn't so bad. And I know you'd have found me even if something had happened. But nothing did."
"Can't lose you," he chokes out.
"You won't lose me, honey," you say. "You keep me safe."
He trembles in your embrace. You kiss the shell of his ear and continue to pet his hair.
"Let me pick you up tomorrow, at least," he pleads. "We'll get dumplings at that place you like. You barely ate anything when you came home."
"Okay, Jay," you say, because you know he needs that reassurance. He won't relax without it. "That sounds good."
You keep stroking his hair. "Y'wanna order in now?"
"In a minute."
Jason lays you both down on the bed. He throws a leg over yours and pulls you into his chest. It's now that you see just how much tension is locked in his shoulders. He's exhausted.
"Jus' wanna hold you for a bit," he says, lips resting on your shoulder.
He's drowsy, the adrenaline finally ebbing. You close your eyes and snuggle into his arms.
"You can hold me for as long as you want," you say, threading your fingers with his. "I'm not going anywhere."
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terrestrialnoob · 5 months ago
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Harley crawled into the apartment. It was organized, but it looked like the occupant didn't have a lot of time for cleaning. She walked softly through it, taking it in. There were photos of her target and what had to be her family, but no friends or romantic partners. Some had a pair of older adults, matching traits meant bio-parents. More of the photos were of the target and a younger boy - a little brother, the highest likelihood of becoming another target if things go bad.
Harley continued forward, following the light to where her target was. She stood in the doorway, looking in.
Dr. Jasmine Fenton, Arkham Asylum's newest psychologist, just got her degree and everything. She did what most newbies do, actually thinking she could get through to the Joker. Harley didn't want to say it was impossible, but everyone who tried ended up in a new job or dead. Harley would try and make sure it was the former and not the later.
Harley watched as the redhead read over a file as she ate from a takeout box. She didn't want to scare the girl, yet. The scaring her away from Joker came later. So, she had to wait for the perfect moment to-
"I know you're there." Jasmine didn't look up from her file, but held out the last box of Chinese food in Harley's direction. "There's plenty if you want some."
"Awe, you ruined the surprise." Harley walked out of the shadows of the hallway into the girl's home office. She snatched the offered box of food and took a few bites as she jumped to sit on the desk.
"I'm hard to sneak up on." Jasmine said, closing her file and finally looking at Harley. "So, Dr. Quinzel, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit this evening?"
"Oh, call me Harley!" She laughed, she wasn't called Dr. all that often any more. She tapped her chop sticks on the file Jasmine just closed. "I thought you'd like a consult on your new patient, Dr. Fenton. I've got a lot of experience with him."
"I prefer to go by Jazz." She said with a smile, "While I appreciate the offer, I'd like to see how far I can get on my own. And, sorry, but I'm pretty sure your license was revoked."
Harley nodded as she swallowed to get the noodles out of her mouth. "I get it! You're new, fresh outta school, gotta prove yourself. But Joker ain't the guy to do that with. He eats people like us for breakfast, and in all the years he's been in Arkham, no one's been able to get anywhere with him."
Jazz sighed, "I don't like to believe people are lost causes. There's always something we can do to help."
"You can't help everyone, especially when they don't want it. And it's not just a question if whether or not he can be saved or whatever." Harley set down the now empty box, Jazz pointed to another one that still had food in it, but Harley declined. "If you keep it up, he'll think you're worth his time to torment. There's no telling what he'll do when he inevitably gets himself out again."
"I'll be fine." Jazz said, but Harley had to cut her off before she said something stupid.
"It's not just you! You've got family out there he can target, your parents. Your Brother! Anyone you date will become a target! He'll do everything in his power to make your life miserable!"
Jazz chuckled. "If he wants to target my family, his funeral. My parents are - were supervillains. They've really only become less- well, hyper-focused on eradicating an entire race of being- in the past few years. And my brother - I'm pretty sure he's conditionally immortal. So that's nothing to worry about."
"If it's conditional, Joker will find a way around it." Harley said, but she had to admit, this might have been an unnecessary trip. "You sure y'ain't got nothing to worry about? What about you? How conditional is your mortality?"
Jazz smiled. Her mouth seemed too wide and with too many teeth. "Oh, I am nowhere near immortal. But..."
She stood up and the room was suddenly a black void. Toxic green eyes and mouths filled with glowing white teeth opened around them. "I doubt anyone could get close enough to test it."
The room was suddenly back to normal, but whatever that thing was was still there. Harley could see its eyes watching her with amusement from inside Jazz's oversized cardigan.
"Well, I guess this really was a wasted trip. You've clearly got it covered."
"Not entirely." Jazz said, her hand wend up to her neck to rub nervously, "Well, you see... I don't really have a lot of friends. People tend to get - uh, creeped out, you know? Or chased off by my parents or brother or whatever..."
"You wanna be friends?" Harley laughed so hard she almost fell over.
Jazz's face turned bright red and the shadow eyes looked way less amused. "Yeah, stupid question. You've clearly got your own things going on."
"No! No, no." Harley had to take several deep breaths before she could look Jazz in the face again. "I 100% wanna hang out with you!"
"Really?"
"Oh yeah." She took another deep breath, "I mean, I really should have made a support system before trying to take on the Joker back when I worked for Arkham. This" she pointed between them "can only end well."
Jazz's face turned brighter than the sun. "Oh my gosh! This is amazing! We should - I have Thursday's and weekends off - What - what kind of things should we-"
Oh man, Jazz was like an excited kid. She must have had a really lonely childhood... they can psychoanalyze each other later. "Come over for girl's night next week. I'll tell my gf and bff to expect an extra person... Does the-" she motioned to the cardigan creature "-go everywhere you go? Does it need food?"
"Oh, don't worry about Jet, they only eat who I tell them to."
Harley barked out more laughter. "You're going to fit right in!"
Now featuring a Part 2
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dreamescapeswriting · 11 months ago
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Stray Kids Reaction || You Were Clingy And Suddenly You Aren't
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PAIRING: Skz x GN!Reader 
⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - February 2024
⤜MASTERLIST
CHAN:
You hadn’t even meant to overhear the conversation the boys were having but you had and ever since you’d distanced yourself from Chan, giving him space, major space even. You'd stopped showing up at the dorms after work and you stopped going to spend time with Chan at the studios on your days off. You didn't want to be around him if you were too clingy, or overbearing to him and you panicked.
"You're ignoring me and I hate it," Chan said bluntly as he sat across from you at the cafe you would frequent. You forced yourself to look up from the book you'd been trying to read and frowned seeing him standing there.
"What?" You were sure he was supposed to be in practice right now and yet here he was panting and staring at you.
"You're ignoring me, did I do something wrong?" His voice broke as he pulled out a chair and sat down across from you,
"What? No...N-No, I'm just giving you space." You smiled weakly, shutting your book and looking up at him. You didn't want to get into this in the middle of a cafe but you also didn't want to go back to the dorms with him and risk another comment from Seungmin.
"When have I ever said I needed space?" He chuckled at you but you didn't find any of this funny, you were a little stressed that he didn't see you the same way you saw yourself right now.
"You haven't but I realise how overbearing I am right now-"
"What are you talking about?" His hand clasped yours in his grip and he ran his thumb over your skin, your heart picking up as you let out a small whimper. 
"Seungmin said he never sees us apart and I realised how tiring that must be for you." You shrugged, trying to take your hand back but Chan gripped you a little tighter,
"Yn." He whispered, his voice laced with sympathy,
"I'm sorry if I'm too much sometimes, I just...I like spending time with you." Tears were beginning to roll down your cheeks even though you hadn't meant to cry, everything you'd been bottling up finally overflowing,
"And I love spending time with you, it doesn't matter what Seungmin said." He mumbled, moving to the spot right next to you and wrapping his arm around your shoulder.
"Let's go home, okay? I missed you and I have some cuddling with you to catch up on." He smirked a little making your whole body heat as you nodded at him, quickly kissing his cheek.
MINHO:
After you'd heard Chan say to Minho that you were "Around each other all the time." you'd stopped going around as much. It wasn't anything personal but you didn't want to be too much for Minho, or the others. You worried they'd find you annoying if you were too clingy with your boyfriend and so you took some steps back.
"Yn? I know you can hear me...Just talk to me, did I do something wrong?" Minho pleaded through the door of your apartment. You hadn't responded to him all day and he was beginning to worry you were in a fight without him realising you were in a fight.
"I'm going to use the emergency key if you don't answer." He warned before you sighed, unlocking the door and stepping to the side to let him in.
"Are you sick? Did we have a fight and I didn't notice?" He laughed weakly as he made his way to your sofa and sat down, a clear sign that he wasn't going to go anywhere any time soon so you shut the door and sat across from him.
"No."
"So then what's going on?" He hated overthinking and that was all he'd managed to do ever since you'd disappeared on him and gone quiet.
"I'm giving you some space." You offered as if he'd asked for it but he frowned, shaking his head,
"Space? Why?"
"I feel like I'm overbearing sometimes and I worry I'm around you too much." You'd been overthinking it ever since you'd heard Chan and now you worried if you came on too strong with Minho he'd leave.
"Baby, I enjoy spending time with you." He reached out to touch you but you shifted away from him.
"I know you say that but I feel like I'm too clingy and I should just give you some space."
"But I don't need that, I need my beautiful and amazing partner by my side, always." He whispered as you sniffled a little, tears running down your cheeks as you stared back at him,
"I just don't want you to think I'm smothering you." As soon as he heard you say that he dragged you onto the sofa beside him,
"You could never smother me, if there was ever an issue we would talk about it, don't pull away from me." He begged, his hand running over your cheek as he rid your face of the tears,
"Okay..."
"Trust me, baby, we're good." He tells you as he wraps you in the tightest hug he could manage, your body relaxing a little as you finally felt close to him again.
CHANGBIN:
"I never see you two without each other." The words had seemed so casual coming from Minho's lips and yet you suddenly felt as though your whole world was coming apart around you. 
"Yn? You going home?" Changbin frowned as he walked into his bedroom to find you packing up your things. After you'd heard Minho you knew it was time to give Changbin some space.
"I thought you were staying here tonight."
"Yeah, I just, I thought I should give you some space." You shrugged it off, doing your best to stay as calm and rational as possible but your mind kept going back to your past relationships. Whenever you got too clingy things would go sideways and they'd split with you and you didn't want that with Changbin.
"Space?" He frowned and stood beside you,
"I've been clingy lately and I don't want to smother you, so I'm going to head home." You folded up your last bit of clothing but Changbin was just as confused as he was when he started this conversation
"Smother me? Yn, you could never smother me...Where is this coming from?" He put his hand on your shoulder trying to make you look at him but you didn't, you knew if you did you'd give up and stay all night.
"I just worry that I'm always around and it's probably too much for you. I don't want to be that kind of a partner to you."
"Yn." He stilled your hands on your bag, 
"I love having you around, you make everything better and you're not too much." He hated that you could ever think such a thing when he thought the entire world of you,
"But in my last relationships, things were too much and I don't want to end up pushing you away." You whispered, your voice cracking a little as Changbin held your face in his hands.
"I get that, but we're different. Okay? I don't want you to distance yourself from me because of some bonehead in the past." You stare at him a little unsure of what to do.
"We can spend the night here and then you'll see how much I need you around." He whispered as you nodded a little, your cheeks heating as he kissed you softly.
HYUNJIN:
Hyunjin knew that there was something wrong the moment you'd stopped replying to him over text and then when you cancelled most of your plans he knew he had to do something to make you feel better.
"What...What are you doing here?" You questioned your boyfriend as you walked into your apartment to see him cooking for you.
"You're home early, damn, this was supposed to be done for when you came in." He brushed his hands down his apron and hugged you tightly, you hugged him back but frowned at him.
"What was?"
"Dinner." He gestured to the oven behind him which was filled with food.
"I noticed you were being distant and I wanted to come over and do something nice for you." He smiled warmly but you just felt guilty that he'd come all the way out here to do this for you.
"Is everything okay?" He asked as he went back to stirring whatever it was on the hob but you looked down at the floor. Everything was fine until Changbin mentioned that he never saw you apart from one another and you realised you needed to give Hyunjin space.
"I'm just worried I might be too clingy...or overbearing," You shrugged, scratching the back of your neck as Hyunjin froze.
"Clingy and overbearing? What would give you that thought?" He stopped what he was doing, moving the food off the heat.
"I love our time together," He added, worry started to seep into him as he thought about it.
"I know you say that now but I don't want you to feel suffocated or that I'm always around." Within seconds Hyunjin was in front of you and frowning,
"Yn, being with you is the best part of my day, you're never suffocating to me." He smiled a little.
"But we're never apart and I don't want you to get sick of me." You sniffled a little but Hyunjin kissed you softly, wrapping his arms around you.
"If there is one thing in this world I can promise you, it's that I would neve ever get sick of you." He explained, you hesitated for a second a little unsure of what to do but you smiled weakly.
"You're sure?" You quizzed before he nodded, kissing your cheek.
"We can talk more over dinner, but I promise you I don't want or need you to put space between us," He told you, kissing the top of your head and going back to cooking.
JISUNG:
Ever since last week, Jisung had noticed something changing with you and he was beginning to worry he'd done something that might have upset you. Even now as you walked together on the beach he could sense something was wrong. You weren't holding his hand or onto his arm like you usually would and you weren't asking him to go on rides with you or to play some fair games when you would pass by them.
"Is everything okay? With us...I mean." He usually wasn't upfront with his feelings but ever since the two of you had started seeing one another he'd been getting better at it,
"Yeah." It was obviously a lie and Jisung frowned at you, stopping still and making you look at him.
"What's going on?" He stared at you and you knew he wasn't going to stop asking unless you told him the truth which worried you more than you cared to admit.
"Do you think we're around each other too much?" You finally asked making Jisung's eyebrows knit together in a frown.
"No? Why?" He shook his head at you but you looked away from him,
"It was something Felix mentioned...T-That we're never apart and I worry that-"
"You're clingy?" He finished for you and you nodded a little before he sighed and kissed your cheek.
"You're not clingy at all, you know I love having you around right?" He stares at you and smiles a little.
"You make me feel less anxious, you make me feel like a whole other person when I'm with you and I never want space." He told you simply, bringing you into his arms and smiling as you cuddled into him.
"You promise you'll come to me in the future if you start to worry again?" He quizzed and you nodded your head, kissing him quickly as you continued your walk on the beach front.
FELIX:
As you rounded the corner of your apartment building you frowned finding Felix standing there knocking on your door.
"Felix? I thought we cancelled tonight." You said as you walked closer to him but something was off, you could see he'd been crying and it instantly made you worry.
"Are we okay? Are you breaking up with me?" He sniffled, you quickly ushered him into your apartment not wanting to get any unwanted attention from your neighbours and you shut the door.
"Breaking up? What? No." You mumbled shaking your head at him.
"You've been so distant and then J-Jisung said it meant you were going to break things off with me."
"Jisung is wrong." You grumbled, you and Jisung weren't exactly seeing eye to eye after you'd heard him mention to Felix how clingy you were.
"So then what's going on? Did I do something to upset you?"
"No, Lix." You sighed sitting next to him on the sofa.
"I overheard Jisung talk about me and he mentioned how we're never apart and I just...I thought I was giving you space." You shrugged it off and Felix sighed, clearly frustrated.
"I'm sorry you heard him say that but....for the record, I assure you that I don't find you clingy...I love you so much," He smiled warmly at you but you looked down at the floor.
"I don't want to be a burden," Your head was slowly tilted up to look at Felix and you smiled weakly.
"You're not a burden, Yn. I'll talk to Jisung and clear this up but don't let his dumb words affect us," He told you sternly before kissing you softly and standing up.
"Where are you going?" You frowned as he stretched a little,
"To talk to Jisung."
"No. Stay and cuddle I missed you," You laughed, dragging him back to you, he could talk to Jisung another time, right now it was just you and him.
SEUNGMIN:
Seungmin hadn't always been the best at expressing himself when it came to your relationship but he always felt as though he'd done a pretty good job up until now. Now he had no idea what was wrong and if he'd done something to upset you since you'd just distanced yourself from him. 
"Seungmin? What are you doing here?" You whispered as you turned around to find your boyfriend in your office, somewhere he shouldn't have been if he didn't want to get noticed. You quickly shut and locked your door, pulling the blinds down.
"I had to see you, we've barely spent any time together."
"I've been busy." You lied looking down at the floor but Seungmin wasn't going to take some bullshit for an excuse he needed to know what was going on.
"You've been acting distant for weeks, what's going on?"
"I just figured you needed some space." Seungmin waited for you to say something else but when you didn't he frowned even more at you.
"Why would I need space?" He stared down at you as you sat at your desk,
"I've been a little annoying and clingy lately and I didn't want to keep bothering you."
"When have you ever bothered me? Where would you even get such an idea?" He sat across from you and narrowed his eyes a little, he was like a human lie detector and you knew you wouldn't be able to hide anything from him.
"Jeongin mentioned how we're never apart and I just- I thought you might get annoyed with me." You explained before Seungmin stared at you as though you had a second head.
"Baby, you're not annoying, you never could be...ever, I don't ever want you to feel like that." He moved quickly to kneel by your side and he took your hands in his, kissing them softly.
"I love you...Okay? You're important to me and I want us to be able to talk if things ever bother us," He offered and you nodded, quickly kissing him and smiling to yourself.
"I promise to come to you in the future," He nodded and kisses you again, deeper this time,
JEONGIN:
It was a quiet night in until Jeongin showed up at your door, usually Friday nights were reserved for the two of you to spend time together but you'd been acting differently lately and it was starting to worry him. Especially tonight when you cancelled on him seemingly to do nothing at home.
"You're acting weird and I'm worried," Jeongin explained as he stood in your apartment, you refused to look at him instead choosing to stare at the TV with a drama playing on it.
"Yn, talk to me." He begged as he sat across from you on the coffee table. Sighin you looked at him, you hesitated in telling him everything but you knew he'd never leave if you didn't spill your guts to him.
"I'm sorry if I've been distant...I just-" You sighed, you didn't even know where to start with any of this.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. I just want to understand what's going on. Is something or someone bothering you?" He stared at you with concern written all over his face and you sighed,.
"Lately I've just been feeling like maybe I'm too clingy and then I heard Minho mention that we're never apart and it just...it drove home what I was already feeling," You mumbled, playing with the sleeves of your shirt as jeongin stared at you.
"Clingy? You're not clingy at all, nowhere near." He mumbled, quickly moving to sit beside you.
"I don't know, I heard what Minho said and then at work, I heard people talking about their relationships and I just...I thought I was being a burden." Jeongin reached out and took your hands in his.
"You're not and never will be a burden to me, Yn. I love you and want you in my life."
"I don't want to ever smoother you or make you feel trapped with me." You added and he smiled at you,.
"Okay, but communication is key. Shutting me out and putting space between us won't let us fix what's going on. We need to talk it through together." He squeezed your hands a little and you nodded, you knew he was right deep down and you kissed him softly.
"I promise to talk if anything bothers me again," You whispered before the two of you cuddled together on the sofa for a while.
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soaps-mohawk · 9 months ago
Text
Cherry Red, Crimson Blood
Chapter 17: Alone
Summary: Your pack has left on their first deployment since you joined them, leaving you alone on base.
Pairing: Poly 141 x reader
Word Count: 6,866
Warnings: Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, Alternate Universe, a/b/o typical classism and sexism, ANGST, anxiety, fear, nightmares, PTSD, trauma, just super depressing overall.
A/N: I'm so ready for these next two chapters, you have no idea. Things are happening, things are gonna happen, it's just...so good. You'll see 🤭. They're pretty heavy chapters emotionally, but don't worry fluff will be coming very soon. I won't leave you hanging too much for too long.
MASTERLIST | <- Previous | Next ->
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“We'll only be gone for a few days. A week at most. Dr. Keller will take you to and from meals and anywhere else you may need to go. If you need anything, contact Kate. We'll call when we can.” 
He leaves you with a kiss to your forehead. You’re forced to stand there and watch his back as he boards the plane, the ramp closing and sealing you off from them. They all looked guilty, as if it was their fault they had to leave, as if they were suffering as much as you at the idea of parting, even just for a short period of time.
You don't sleep that night. You lay in your bed and stare at the ceiling until far too late when you decide to abandon it for John's room instead. You slip under the covers, disrupting the immaculately made bed as you surround yourself with his scent. You’re on edge, the barracks far too quiet, far too empty. Every little sound has you tensing, holding your breath. The door is locked, yet it’s not the same without your pack there to protect you. If you scream, no one will hear you now. 
You manage to fall asleep at some point in the early hours, your mind plagued with horrible nightmares of monsters devouring and tearing you apart. 
You wake with the sun, dragging your feet back to your room. You miss the quiet sounds of your boys getting ready in the morning after their workouts, taking extra care not to be too loud. Now you wish for it. You want them to be loud and wake you, because then they’d be here with you. The hallway feels too empty, the barracks too large. You’ve spent plenty of time alone in the barracks, but it’s never felt like this. They’re not just across base from you, they’re probably in an entirely different country. 
You stare at their closed doors, all four of them feeling like voids knowing the rooms behind them are empty. Even Ghost’s closed door feels particularly empty. 
You shuffle into your room, locking the door behind you as you get ready for the day. You’re not quite sure what you’re going to do, now that you don’t have them around. You suppose you could just go about your day as you usually do while they’re at training, except you won’t have their inevitable return to fetch you for meals to look forward to. 
It’ll be days before you see them again. 
If you see them again. 
You force that thought back into the recesses of your mind. You won’t entertain it, not now while you’re still trying to process the fact that they’re gone. Even if it is a possibility. 
You’re sitting on your bed when the knock comes, clutching your phone in your hand. You don’t want to be without it, in case they call. You don’t want to miss a chance to talk to them, especially if it’s your only chance. Or a call from Kate telling you something happened.
You open the door, Dr. Keller standing in the hallway with a small smile on her face. It doesn’t feel strange having her in this space, even with the rest of your pack gone. She’s been here before, and you trust her. 
“How are you doing?” She asks as you step out of your room, closing the door behind you. 
“I don’t know.” You say, letting out a sigh. “I couldn’t sleep last night.” 
“I don’t blame you. Feels strange, being alone here, huh?” 
You nod. “Yeah. It’s too quiet. Too empty.” 
“I bet.” You follow her out of the barracks and into the cool morning air. “Let’s get some food in you and then you can take it easy for the rest of the day. I know this is a big adjustment, and it happened rather suddenly.” 
“Was gonna happen eventually, though.” You say. “For the three months I was with the CIA, they drilled it into my head that their job would always take priority over everything else. Still sucks.” 
“It does. Separation is hard for everyone in a pack, even if it’s short term. Add on the stress of their jobs and I can only imagine what it’s like.” 
“I’m trying not to think about that.” You say. 
“I think that’s the best thing you can do right now.” She squeezes your arm. “Come on, we’ll get the food to go and we’ll eat in my office. I usually do that anyway. It’s much quieter than the mess.” 
You get your breakfast, following Dr. Keller to the medical center. You are silently glad you won’t have to eat in the mess without the protection of your pack. The stares from the others might have been your tipping point, and without Ghost to scare them off, you’re sure it would have only been worse.  
“Make yourself at home.” Dr. Keller says, letting you into her office. “You can sit at the desk to eat, if that’s more comfortable. I don’t mind.” 
You take her up on the offer, sitting in the chair across from hers at the desk. She moves some papers out of the way before taking a seat herself. It feels almost strange, being so informal in her office, but then again, she’s always been more laid back with the formality between the two of you. 
“If there’s one thing I miss, it’s good diner food.” Dr. Keller says as the two of you begin to eat. 
You stare down at your porridge for a moment, having gotten used to the change in food over the last almost nine weeks. “I miss a lot of things.” 
“Would you ever want to go back and visit America?” Dr. Keller asks. 
You shrug. “I don’t know.” 
“I’m sure they’d take you, if you asked.” She smiles as you stare up at her in surprise. “I don’t think there’s much they wouldn’t do, if you asked. They care about you a lot.” 
“I’m starting to realize that.” You say. 
“Good. It’s reassuring to see such strong, natural bonds forming between all of you, despite how the situation came about. You’ve made a lot of good progress already, even with the few bumps in the road.” 
It falls silent between the two of you as you eat, finishing your breakfast. Your stomach churns with anxiety, hand closing around the phone in your pocket as if it might ring at any moment. It makes you sick, the thought of what they might be doing, what might be happening right at this very moment. 
“Can I ask you something?” You break the silence, needing to take your mind off your swirling thoughts. 
“Of course.” She says, looking up from the papers she’d been looking through. 
“Since I’m your only patient, what do you do all day?” You ask. 
She smiles. “I do a lot of things. After our sessions I log the notes I take and read over them, I make sure your medical chart is up to date, I read through a lot of studies and journals on new research and methods that may be helpful, I talk to colleagues all over the world, including here on base, and I sometimes go around the medical center and sit in on meetings and classes to keep my skills sharp.” 
“Do you ever feel like you’re wasting your skills here?” 
She shakes her head. “No. Before I took this job, I was caring for sometimes over one hundred omegas at various institutes. It was a high stress environment with long hours. While it was fulfilling work, there’s a high turnover rate for Omega Specialists in that field for a reason. Being a private doctor is a bit of a relief after that, and truthfully, the pay is considerably better.” She folds her arms on her desk, leaning forward. “It’s no less fulfilling than working at institutes. It’s nice to have the time to put together the best care plan for you and your needs.” 
“It is nice having an Omega Specialist to myself.” You say. “There were several at the institute, a lot of students doing their residency. They weren’t always...good at their jobs. A lot of them were just going through the motions, doing what the more experienced specialists told them to do.” 
“Unfortunately that’s rather common with residents.” She says. “Most of them don’t make it past residency. Like a lot of specialities in medicine, it takes a certain kind of personality to succeed as an Omega Specialist. Not everyone has it in them. I wish more schools and programs would take notice earlier before they get to their residencies and steer them down a different path.” She smiles at you. “Now my question for you. Would you rather hang out in here today, or would you prefer to go back to the barracks? You won’t hurt my feelings either way, nor will you be a bother.” 
You think about it for a moment. While your knee jerk answer is to go back to the barracks, what are you going to do? Sit alone in the silence and worry until it makes you sick? Sit in the rec room and watch TV alone and worry about your boys until the next meal time? As much as you want to be alone, you also don’t want to be alone. 
“I’d...like to stay here, if that’s okay?” You finally say, making your decision. 
“More than okay.” She smiles. “Make yourself at home, do whatever you’d like. Watch YouTube videos, dig into some books, take a nap. You won’t bother me in the slightest. You’re always welcome to hang out in here.” 
You look over the titles on the bookshelf, picking one that looks interesting before settling on the couch. You spend the day with Dr. Keller, relaxing in her office and going to meals with her. It doesn’t calm the anxious thoughts by much, but at least the loneliness is abated a bit. 
You return to the barracks after dinner, debating whether you should sit in the rec room or just go to your room. The rec room feels too open, too exposed without the safety of your pack, so instead you choose to retreat into your room, locking the door behind you. 
You let out a sigh, your shoulders slumping as tears gather in your eyes. Another night without them, another night without the safety and comfort of their presence around you. Another night knowing they’re not on the other side of the wall, a knock or a yell away. 
You fight the panic starting to bubble as you get ready for bed, your mind swirling with thoughts of something happening, someone breaking in, someone taking advantage of their absence to get to you. You know it’s an irrational fear. Most of the alphas on base ignore your existence, aside from the couple incidents you’ve had with them. The most they do is stare, though that’s to be expected as an omega. 
What if they’re holding back something more sinister, though? What if the only thing stopping them is your pack? This would be their opportune moment. 
You’re shaking, eyes wide in fear as you stare at yourself in the mirror. Sure, you’ve learned a few ways to defend yourself, but could you really utilize them? If the moment called for it, could you defend yourself enough to get away? Where would you go? Dr. Keller won’t be in her office all night. Could you run and seek protection from another medical professional that was still working? Could you find a different high ranking official on base and hope they’d help you? Could you go for the guards at the gate and hope they help you? 
Or would it be safer to run for the woods? Try to lose whichever alpha decided to attack you and hope you don’t get lost in the trees? You would just have to survive the night, and Dr. Keller would notice you missing come morning. What would she do, though? Call Kate? It’s not like the guys could just come home and help you. Would Kate even tell them something happened and put them at risk of getting distracted? What if something happened to them because of you? 
You turn the shower on as cold as it will go, stepping under the spray in your pajamas. You sink to the floor of the shower, letting the cold water snap you out of your panic and prevent you from distressing. No one’s coming through the door, no one’s going to try and hurt you. 
Your teeth are chattering by the time you reach up to turn the water off. Violent shivers rock your body, your hands and feet numb. You take deep breaths, feeling more awake and aware than you have since yesterday. 
The panic has dropped to almost nothing, your shaking now due to the fact you’re freezing. You strip out of your wet clothes, leaving them in the tub as you wrap a towel around yourself. You’re still shivering violently as you change into warmer pajamas, opting for one of John’s shirts and sweatpants. 
You slip under the covers of your bed, piling every blanket you own on top of the covers before tucking yourself against your giant bear. You won’t sleep, but at least you’re not panicking anymore. 
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The days begin to blend together without the routine of your pack to keep you steady. Dr. Keller comes to get you at the same time as you expect for your breakfast, and then you spend all day with her, sitting in her office, keeping yourself occupied while you wait for an inevitable phone call. It will either be your pack calling to check on you, or it will be Kate with bad news. 
You’re not sure which is worse. The anticipation of a call from your pack letting you know they’re all alright, or the dread that it will be Kate telling you something happened to them. 
You’re still not sleeping well, the anxiety and the worry you might miss their call meshing with the nightmares that were already plaguing you before they left. You’re exhausted and strung out, the worry beginning to eat you alive. You’re constantly on edge, every little sound close to sending you spiraling. 
Your thoughts have slowly shifted from missing your pack to ruminating about the fact they might not be coming back. It’s a risk you’re well aware of. The kinds of things they do put them at risk, every deployment carries the risk of one, or all of them, dying. One thing goes wrong, one small freak accident and your entire pack could be taken from you. 
You’re not sure you’d survive that. 
Most omegas don’t. 
“Still nothing?” Dr. Keller asks as you sit there, staring at your phone for what must have been an hour at least. 
You shake your head. “Nothing.” 
“Sometimes no news is good news.” She says. “I know you’d prefer to have any news at all, though.” 
“I can’t stop thinking...what if something bad has happened?” You say, fingers trembling from gripping your phone so hard. 
“Kate promised she’d call if something happened, right?”
You nod. “Yeah.” 
“She’s a woman of her word, I can say that much. I’m sure they’re fine. They’re very capable soldiers. They wouldn’t be in Spec Ops if they weren’t, much less on a highly specialized team.” Dr. Keller stands up, moving to the closet. “It’s still hard, not knowing where they are or what they’re doing. I remember when my brother told our parents he was enlisting. Our mother cried for a week straight.” She pulls a pillow and a blanket out of the closet. “I still don’t think she’s completely forgiven him. It’s hard for omegas when someone leaves the pack, even temporarily, especially if you can’t have constant reassurance that they’re alright.” 
Your brows pinch in a frown at her words as she kneels on the floor beside the couch. “Your mom was an omega?” 
She nods. “And dad was a beta. Wound up with two beta children, though I don’t think mom complained much about that. We grew up in a big pack with lots of people around us. I think mom would have been worse off if it had just been her and dad.” She sets the pillow on the couch, gently prying the phone from your fingers. “Come on, lay down.” She directs you. 
You do as she says, laying down on the couch, resting your head on the pillow. She covers you with the blanket, tucking it up around your neck. “Is that why you’re so good at this job?” 
She smiles, setting your phone on the arm of the couch above your head. “Maybe. I think it gave me more empathy for omegas and the struggles you face every day.” She gently squeezes your arm. “They’ll be alright. They’re probably just as worried about you, as you are them. But, you need to get some rest. You don’t have to sleep, just laying with your eyes closed will help.” 
You tilt your head, glancing up at your phone. “What if I fall asleep and it rings?” 
“Then I’ll make sure you get a chance to answer it.” She says, squeezing your arm again. “I promise. Get some rest.” 
You let out a breath, not wanting to risk falling asleep, but you close your eyes anyway. It doesn’t stop the thoughts from coming on, the nightmarish images the anxiety feeds your brain flashing before your eyes. What if they’re lying dead somewhere right now? What if something’s happened to Kate and she can’t tell you? Would you ever find out? Would you ever know? 
Despite the anxiety prickling through your body, the warmth of the blanket begins to lull you into a false sense of security. Perhaps it’s the sheer exhaustion from your lack of sleep over the last couple weeks, paired with the exhaustion from your constant worrying, but you find yourself slipping between sleep and consciousness as you lay there on Dr. Keller’s couch. You don’t mean to, but you can’t help it as you begin to drift off to sleep. 
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Screaming. It’s loud, piercing your ears. Something’s holding you, hands clutching at your form desperately. It hurts, nails biting into your skin, fingers gripping too hard, yet you don’t care. 
“You won’t take her from me! I won’t let you!”
You’re crying, sobs wracking your body as you cling just as tightly to the form holding you. 
Hands grab at you, squeezing and pulling, trying to free you from the constricting grip around you, but it won’t let go. You cling to it just as desperately, afraid of what will happen if you let go. 
You know what will happen if you let go. 
“She’s no daughter of mine.” 
The words bite into you, slicing through your skin straight into your very soul, the prickling pain of your own flesh and blood rejecting you making your skin crawl. How could he just let you go like that? How could he turn against you so easily, over something you have no control over? 
Pain erupts across your entire body. Something snaps, your ears ringing from more screams. You’re being pulled away from the safety of the hold around you, your body going cold as the warmth around you disappears. Hands close around you, fingers ripping into you as you're torn from your mother’s hold and into the unknown. 
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“Easy, easy.” 
You’re gasping, breathing wheezing as tears choke you. 
“Deep breaths. In and out, nice and slow.” 
Your breath hitches, catching painfully in your chest. 
“You’re alright, you’re safe.” 
You force your eyes open, blinded by tears as something is tucked into your arms. You squeeze the bear against your chest, hiccuping as you fight for control over your emotions. You’re on the couch in Dr. Keller’s office still. You’re not at what was once your home, not stuck in the nightmare you’ve lived over and over. 
Slowly breathing becomes easier, your sobs quieting to sniffles. The tears still spill down your cheeks, dampening the fur of the bear in your arms. 
“You’re alright,” Dr. Keller says, rubbing your back gently. 
You slowly push yourself up to sit, pulling your knees against your chest. You press your palms into your eyes, trying to get the tears to stop. Dr. Keller shifts her position, sitting next to you on the couch. 
“How long have you been having nightmares?” She asks quietly, watching you as you try to calm yourself. 
“Since my heat.” You say, voice rough from crying. You wrap your arms around the bear again, holding onto it tightly. 
“You haven’t said anything about it.” She says gently, shifting slightly so she’s facing you. 
“I didn’t want to.” You say quietly, shame burning through you. She’s not reprimanding you, yet you can’t help but feel like you’ve done something wrong. “I shouldn’t be having them, I mean...it’s not even that bad compared to...compared to what the others have gone through. The kinds of nightmares they have.” 
“It might seem that way to you, but trauma is still trauma. It might not be the worst thing someone else has gone through, but it is the worst thing you’ve been through.” 
Her words give you pause. You’ve never quite thought of it that way. The kinds of things your pack does, the things they’ve seen, the things they’ve done, are far worse than anything you’ve experienced. The things you’ve experienced may pale in comparison, but they’re your experiences. No one else’s. 
“If you want to talk about them, that’s what I’m here for.” Dr. Keller says, leaving things open for you to decide what to do. 
You don’t have to tell her. She won’t force you to do it. She won’t force you to do anything, to say anything you don’t want to. It might be nice, though, to let someone know, someone neutral, someone who won’t tell anyone else. It might be nice to finally put into words the things that are eating you, have been eating you. 
You lay back down, curling up into a tight ball on the couch. You hug the bear close to your chest, letting it ground you. “My nightmares, they’re always about the day I left for the institute.” You start, taking a shaky breath. “I haven’t had them in years.” 
“You were sent early after your presentation, right?” She asks. 
“The day after.” You answer. 
“Being sent to an institute can be traumatic when done within the normal time after presentation. I can’t even imagine what being sent that soon was like.” She lets out a breath. “Sometimes when we go through something traumatic, the brain and body hold onto it, because we don’t feel safe enough to process it in the moment. The brain can hold onto it for years, until we finally feel safe enough. Then the brain can start to try and heal from that trauma without us even realizing it.” 
“You think that’s what’s happening?” You ask. 
“It’s possible. Going through your heat successfully, being claimed, building close bonds with your pack, all could aid in helping you finally feel safe enough to process that trauma. Things usually feel worse as the brain works through the trauma, which could be why you’re having nightmares about that event suddenly.” 
“Is there anything that will make them stop?” You ask. 
“There’s some things we can do together that might help the process. I’m more than happy to help you with it, if that’s what you’d like to do. If you decide to, I think it will be a good idea to set up appointments at least twice a week, at least at first.” 
“What are we gonna tell John?” 
She gives you a look. “Well, I’d advise telling him the truth. I think you should tell your pack about your nightmares. They can at least offer you some comfort and understanding. Of course, that’s entirely up to you and what you want to do.” 
You let out a sigh, getting comfortable on the couch again. Dr. Keller adjusts the blanket over you, squeezing your arm gently. 
“Think about it.” She says. “We can talk about it more after they get back and things have settled back to normal again.” 
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You’re brushing your teeth when the call comes. You quickly spit into the sink, not even bothering to rinse your mouth before you’re answering, anxiety twisting your stomach into knots. You hadn’t even checked the screen to see who was calling. You’re just anxious to hear from someone after days of silence. 
“Hello?” 
There’s a beat of silence before the voice on the other side responds, the audio distant and slightly garbled, but you hardly notice. 
“Hi, sweetheart.” 
You fight back a sob, your inhale shaky as relief floods through you. “Alpha.” The title slips through your lips before you can even catch it, your body nearly vibrating at hearing John’s voice after so many days. 
“I’m here. We’re all here.” He says, distant voices sounding in the background. 
A smile tugs at your lips, happy tears blurring your eyes as you collapse on your bed. “Missed you.” 
“I know, we’ve missed you too.” 
You move to your bed, flopping down on the mattress in relief. “You alright? Is everyone alright?” 
“We’re alright. Few bumps and bruises, but nothing we haven’t had before. How are you holding up?” 
The urge to spill the truth to him is strong. You’ve been depressed and worried and there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by that you haven’t panicked about something. You’ve been having horrible nightmares and haven’t been sleeping. There’s an ache in your chest that won’t go away, and you’re afraid it might kill you if you don’t see them soon. 
“I’m alright. Sad cause I miss you a lot.” 
“I know, sweetheart.” There’s a sound on the other end, something you can’t make out and the line buzzes for a second. For a moment you’re worried you were disconnected, but John’s voice cuts through the noise again. “We’re finishing up here soon, and we’ll be home in a couple of days.” 
You can’t help but sigh in relief at his words. They’re alright. They’re all safe, and they’re going to be home soon. You’re going to get to see them soon, touch them again, smell them again. “Hurry back.” You say, your voice shaky with emotion. 
“We’ll try, sweet girl. We have to get going, but we’ll be back before you know it.” 
Saying goodbye doesn't hurt as much as you expect it to. Maybe it’s the relief from hearing their voices, from knowing they’re really alright paired with the knowledge that they’ll be home soon. Two days doesn’t seem so far now that you know that’s all that stands between you and seeing your pack again. 
You roll over in your bed, pressing your face into the pillows. Nothing smells like them anymore. Not their shirts that they scented before they left, not your pillows or stuffed animals. The couch in the rec room, and even John’s bed have started to smell more like you. 
The first thing you’re going to do when they return is get a big whiff of each of them, even if you have to tackle Ghost to do it. You want to refresh their scents all over everything, roll around in them until they’re the only thing you can smell. 
For the first time in days, you manage to sleep that night. It’s not much, but it’s a deep, nightmare-free sleep, aided by the relief from the constant anxiety that has plagued you. 
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You update Dr. Keller the next day on the news of your pack’s imminent return. You elect to spend the afternoon in the barracks instead of her office, the building suddenly not seeming quite so empty now that you know they’re coming home soon. You clean up John’s room, making his bed again after you’d made a mess of it trying to sleep. They’re all going to be tired when they return, and you want to help them in any way that you can. You pick up your room as well, even though you know you likely won’t be spending much time in it for a while. You’re going to latch yourself onto them and not let go until the ache in your chest has disappeared. 
You bristle when the knock sounds at your door. You glance up from where you had been sorting the clothes you’d stolen from the guys from your own so you can get them to scent them again. You’re not expecting a knock yet. It’s too early to be Dr. Keller coming to get you for dinner, and she would have announced herself like she has been, if it was her. 
That means someone else is in the barracks. Someone you don’t know. 
Your mind races as you try to think of who it could be. You don’t know many others on base, and certainly no one that would enter the barracks just like that, unless it’s an emergency. Is there an emergency? You’re almost certain if there was an emergency on base, then there would be alarms going off or something. There’d be some sign that something was happening, but it’s quiet outside, or at least, there’s no noises you’re not expecting. 
The knock comes again, louder and sharper. Whoever is on the other side is obviously not going to just go away. You debate calling Dr. Keller, telling her someone is outside your door, getting her to help you on this, but instead you grab your phone, holding it in your hand as you move towards the door. 
You unlock it, holding your hand on the handle in case the person on the other side tries to force their way in. They don’t, so you open it slowly, just enough that you can see out. There’s a soldier outside your door. A woman. You don’t recognize her, but then again you don’t see many women on the base, and you don’t pay much attention to the other soldiers. 
Maybe you need to start paying more attention. 
She’s a beta, you can tell just by looking at her. She’s wearing scent blockers, keeping her scent from projecting into the barracks to erase the fact she was here. 
She says your name, staring at you with hard set eyes. “General Shepherd is waiting for you.” 
It takes you a moment to process what it is she’s saying. You’ve never met any of the higher ups on base. The person with the most authority you’ve met is John, but you know he’s only a Captain. There’s others above him, but you weren’t any concern of theirs, so you have never bothered to meet them. Even in your time with the CIA, the person with the most authority that you met seemed to be Kate. You hadn’t even been given names of anyone higher up than her. 
Apparently something’s changed. 
Something in the back of your mind begins to tingle. Something isn’t right about this. You should have called Dr. Keller, or even Kate. You shouldn’t have opened the door so recklessly. 
“But, I’m not supposed to-” You begin, unsure of what to do now. 
“It’s a direct order from your superior.” The woman cuts you off, her tone sharp and impatient.
You’re not a soldier. The only superior you have is John and he’s certainly not behind this. 
You wouldn’t dare say that out loud. Not right now. 
“Okay, okay.” You say, stepping back slightly from the door. “Let me just get some shoes on.” 
You close the door, staring down at your phone. You debate calling Dr. Keller or even just sending a text, but you don’t put it past the woman outside to barge in if you don’t hurry. You can feel the panic rising, the thought of someone invading your space so carelessly making the back of your neck tingle. So instead you slip on a pair of shoes, shoes you know you can run in, before you open the door again. 
She’s still standing in the hallway, stiffly at attention. Her gaze pierces into you, making your skin crawl. You close your door behind you, slipping your phone into your pocket. She doesn't say anything as she turns on her heel, walking down the hallway towards the door. You follow behind her, having to walk quickly to keep up with her. You’re reminded of your early days on the base when you would be escorted around by Ghost. 
You’d take those times back over this right now. 
Your palms start to sweat as you leave the barracks, dread starting to fill your stomach as you realize how much of a mistake you’ve made, leaving with this stranger. She could be taking you anywhere to see anyone. You’re not even sure General Shepherd is a real person. 
The thought of being led blindly into a room of alphas like a lamb being led into a den of hungry wolves nearly makes you panic, your steps faltering just slightly as you debate running. You could make it to the medical center quickly from here if you sprint the entire way. Would she chase you if you took off running? Would you get in trouble? Would the guys get in trouble if you did? 
You don’t want anyone to get in trouble. 
Especially not with this being the first time you’ve been on your own. They’ve put a lot of trust in both you and Dr. Keller in their absence. If you get into trouble while they’re gone, that might change things. You could ruin everything you’ve built by misbehaving. 
The woman leads you to a building you haven’t been in before, leading you down a clinical-looking hallway to a door. She pauses in front of it, turning to face you. You stare at her, still on edge. What if this is a test? What if they’re testing you to see if you’d just blindly leave with a stranger while they’re not there to protect you. 
You’ve made a big mistake. 
The woman holds out her hand, and you stare down at it dumbly. “Your phone.” 
You continue to stare at her hand for a moment, trying to swallow the nervous panic rising within you. You don’t have much of a choice now but to obey. Your hands are shaking as you pass your phone over, the woman pocketing it before she opens the door. 
It’s bright inside, the LED bulbs burning your eyes. You’re uncomfortable and uneasy, a dangerous mix for an omega, but the person inside doesn’t seem to care. He stands from his seat, towering over you. He screams alpha before his scent even hits you. You’re thrown back into the memories of your father, the way he carried himself, the way he stood. Back straight like a rod, hands clasped behind his back, face pressed into a stern line. 
He’s in uniform, decorated with more patches and pins than you could put a name to. Army, you think, judging by the color of his jacket. It looks like General Shepherd is a real person after all. 
You try not to flinch as the door clicks closed behind you, sealing you in this room with an unknown alpha. Though it’s only one, you still feel like the helpless lamb standing before a hungry wolf. 
No one will hear you scream. No one will care. 
“My name is General Shepherd.” He says, his voice gruff and laced with authority. “I am the acting commander of Task Force 141.” 
You’re not sure if you should say anything, or even bother introducing yourself. He probably already knows you well, even though you’ve never met him before in your life. 
“I was one of the driving forces behind the omega initiative, and I decided the 141 should be one of the first to participate. I also signed the approval for you to be assigned as their omega, did you know that?” 
You shake your head. “N-No sir, the CIA didn’t give me any names.” 
“Good.” His lips twitch in what you assume was supposed to be a smile. It doesn’t ease your nerves any. “They weren’t supposed to. I’m sure you’ve learned that confidentiality is everything in this line of work.” 
“Yes, sir.” You try not to flinch under his gaze, piercing and probing. The back of your neck is tingling, every single instinct in your body screaming at you to run, to escape, to get somewhere safe. 
“I came here today to ensure your pack was doing as they were instructed. I’m impressed with what I’ve seen so far. You’re getting along well with them?” 
You nod again. “Yes, sir. There were some...bumps along the way, but we all get along fine now.” 
“Good.” He closes the file on the table, taking a step closer to you. You fight the urge to take a step back, not wanting him to invade your space while you’re so vulnerable. “The success of this program is imperative to the future of the military and its functionality. You’re doing important work here with the Task Force.” His hand lifts, slowly pulling the collar of your shirt to the side so he can see your mating mark. 
You fight the urge to lift your hands and wrap them around the back of your neck, the instinctual urge to protect yourself nearly winning out as he stares at your mark. Your heart is pounding in your chest, the fear-driven adrenaline making your fingers tremble. Half a second and he could scruff you, half a second and he could overpower you. 
No one would know. No one would care.  
“I’m satisfied with what I’m seeing so far. Of course, the true measure of success will be their efficiency in their current task.” He steps back away from you, moving back to the table. “How have you been adjusting to them being gone?” 
“It’s been difficult,” You say, breathing for a second to collect yourself. “But I know separation can be a rough adjustment at first.” 
His lips twitch again in a twisted smile. “You’re a smart girl. That’s why I chose you for this position. You’re doing good work. Your efforts will change the course of military history, hopefully for the better.” 
Something about his words don’t sit right with you. 
You’re trembling as you exit the room, led out by the woman that had brought you to the building. Your breaths are heavy as you try to keep a grip on the anxiety threatening to overtake you. Your hand is trembling uncontrollably as she give you your phone back, your knuckles going white as you clutch it to your chest. You’re sweating, the cool air chilling your skin as you step outside. 
You barely remember the walk back to the barracks, numbly following the woman as she leads you back to your safe space. It doesn't feel so safe anymore, now that she’s breached it. She entered without permission, breaking that trust that’s so sacred to packs. 
She doesn't even seem bothered by it. 
She pauses outside the door to the barracks, staring down at you. You fight the urge to race inside and lock yourself in the safety of your room before she can change her mind and enter again, or take you somewhere worse. You stand your ground, meeting her gaze. 
“Thank you for your cooperation.” She says, as monotone as she had been the first time she spoke to you. 
You finally realize what it was that made her seem so off to you as you think over her words. 
She’s American. 
“Thank you for escorting me.” You say politely, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Have a safe trip home.” 
You quickly enter the barracks, speed walking down the hall towards your room. You want to burrow under your covers and hide until the guys return and you can feel safe again. You pause in front of your door, staring down at the handle. The back of your neck is prickling again, anxiety burning hot in your veins. Your hands have begun shaking again, clinging to the phone still pressed against your chest. You fight the urge to hyperventilate as you stare at your door, half of your brain telling you to run and the other half stuck, staring in shock and disbelief. 
Your door is ajar. Open just a crack, just enough to be noticeable by looking at it. 
You always close your door. You always ensure it’s shut every time you leave the barracks, even when the guys are home. You remember shutting it before you followed the woman out of the barracks. You remember distinctly listening to the click of the handle as you pulled it shut behind you in the quiet of the barracks. 
You stare at the gap, the line of the frame visible. It’s open. Your door is open. 
Someone was inside your room. 
NEXT ->
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valkyriexo · 8 months ago
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They confess in your sleep | OT8
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ᑉ³pairing; Bestfriend!OT8 x Reader
ᑉ³genre; Fluff, Headcannon
ᑉ³warnings; none
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Chan ╰┈➤ Watching a movie together.
"You drifted off, huh? The movie must've been too boring for you. " Chan says quietly, a soft chuckle escaping his lips as he gently tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear, his touch tender against your skin. "Or must've been a tiring day." With careful movements, he shifts beneath you, ensuring your weight settles comfortably against him.
He remains quiet for a moment, simply watching you with a fond smile before speaking again. "You look so peaceful when you're asleep." His voice is barely above a whisper, filled with warmth and affection. "I can't help but smile seeing you like this." Chan says his heart swelling with adoration.
Slowly, he reaches for the blanket, delicately draping it over you, taking care not to disturb your peaceful slumber with any sudden movements.
"Maybe I should start picking boring movies on purpose, huh?" He teases lightly, his laughter soft and genuine. He lowers the volume of the movie, not wanting to disturb your peaceful sleep. "Your snores are kind of cute, not gonna lie." He takes a deep breath as he listens to the rhythmic sound of your breathing. "I'll resist the urge to play with your hair... for now."
As the movie continues to play in the background, Chan shifts slightly, adjusting his position until he's resting his head gently on top of yours, his heart beating in sync with yours. "I can't imagine my life without you in it, and I don't want to...I hope you're having sweet dreams."
Minho ╰┈➤ In a waiting area
"Someone's tired." Minho's voice is soft, filled with a gentle warmth as he observes you dozing off in the waiting room beside him. "Makes sense. We've been here a while," He mutters softly.
Without hesitation, he reaches out to adjust the position of the chair, making sure it's more conducive to your rest. "Waiting doesn't seem so bad when I have you beside me." He smiles slightly.
"Should I wake you or let you sleep a little longer?" His concern for your well-being shines through his actions, his priority being your comfort above all else. "They haven't called your name yet."
"Is my shoulder comfortable? I hope it's not too stiff," he asks, a faint blush coloring his cheeks at the intimacy of the moment.
"I mean, I don't want you to think I'm all... rigid or nervous or whatever," he adds quickly, his nervousness peeking through despite his attempts to appear calm.
"It's just, I care, you know? And I want you to be comfy," he admits, his gaze softening as he looks at you, the sincerity in his eyes unmistakable.
"So, uh, if it's not comfy, maybe I can adjust or something?" He pauses, almost as if waiting for your response. "I promise, I'm softer than I look... or seem."
Changbin ╰┈➤ Warming up by the fireplace
"Looks like the fire's doing its job. You're out like a light," Changbin observes with a soft chuckle, his gaze lingering on your peaceful form as you sleep by the fireplace, your cheeks flushed from the warmth.
"I'll keep the flames going, don't worry," he assures softly, gently tending to the fire to ensure it continues to crackle and glow, casting a cozy ambiance over the room.
"Your weight against me feels... nice," He admits with a fond smile, your presence soothing against the cold of the winter night. "You're like a little furnace, warming me up too. It feels so good against the chill," he adds, his arms wrapping protectively around you.
"I'll just stay here, holding you close," Changbin murmurs softly, his heartbeat syncing with yours as he listens to the steady rhythm of your breathing.
"Your soft breaths against my chest... it's comforting," he confesses with a gentle smile, his fingers tracing soothing patterns on your back. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now."
"Sweet dreams, my dear," he murmurs softly, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead before settling back against the cushions, content to bask in the quiet serenity of the moment, with you by his side.
Hyunjin ╰┈➤ Reading together
"I didn't know you were reading '101 Ways to Fall Asleep' — Book must be a bestseller," Hyunjin remarks with a soft chuckle, gently teasing as he notices you dozing off beside him, the book still open in your hands.
"You look adorable when you're asleep," he murmurs fondly, a warm smile spreading across his lips as he watches you, the peaceful expression on your face filling him with a sense of contentment.
"I'll keep the pages turning while you rest," Hyunjin promises softly, his fingers trailing over the text of the book as he continues to read, his attention divided between the pages and the sight of you beside him, lost in slumber.
His voice hitches slightly as he hears your shallow breaths.
"Your soft breaths against my neck... who needs an audiobook?" he muses quietly, the sound of your steady breathing creating a soothing backdrop.
As Hyunjin turns another page, he can't help but steal glances at you, admiring the way your features soften in sleep.
"I've realized something," he continues, his gaze softening as he looks at you with affection. "I don't just enjoy spending time with you. I... I think I've fallen for you."
The admission hangs in the air, filled with both vulnerability and hope. "I know it's probably not the best time to say this," he adds, a hint of uncertainty creeping into his voice. "But I couldn't keep it in any longer. I just needed you to know."
Han ╰┈➤ At the beach
Han settles in beside you, glancing around at the bright sun overhead and then back at you, considering. "Hey," he murmurs, leaning closer, "do you want me to apply sunscreen for you?" he asks softly, his concern evident in his voice. "I wouldn't want you to get sunburned."
But you don't reply, and Han realizes with a gentle smile that you're asleep. "Are you napping?" he whispers, his voice barely above a breath. "I can't blame you; the sun, the sand, it's all so soothing."
After a while, he speaks again, his tone soft and affectionate. "You know what's soothing to me? Your laugh," he murmurs, his gaze lingering on your peaceful expression.
"Just know I'm here, watching over you as you rest, waiting for those beautiful eyes to open again," he whispers, his words a tender reassurance of his presence and care for you. He settles back against the warm sand.
He takes a deep breath, gathering his courage as he continues. "I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that I want to spend it with you," he says earnestly, his eyes never leaving yours. "You're everything to me, and I hope one day you feel the same."
Felix ╰┈➤ Cuddling
"You fell asleep in my arms, and I couldn't bear to wake you," Felix whispers softly, his voice barely above a breath as he gazes down at you, nestled against him in peaceful slumber.
"It's just you and me now," he continues, a fond smile tugging at the corners of his lips, "and you're snuggled up so peacefully." With gentle care, he adjusts his position to ensure you're comfortable, his touch light as a feather against your skin.
"I'm holding you close," Felix murmurs, his arms wrapped protectively around you, "feeling the rise and fall of your chest with each breath." He savors the quiet intimacy of the moment, cherishing the warmth of your presence in his arms.
"I hope you're dreaming of something beautiful," he whispers, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. "And when you wake up, I'll be right here, ready to hold you even tighter." With a tender smile, Felix closes his eyes, content to remain in this embrace with you, the gentle rhythm of your breathing lulling him into a peaceful state of serenity.
Seungmin ╰┈➤ Car ride
Seungmin sits beside you in the backseat, his gaze soft as he watches you drift off into sleep. "Long day, huh?" he remarks softly, his voice carrying a gentle warmth as he brushes a stray strand of hair from your face.
"The ride home is pretty quiet without you chatting away," he continues, a faint smile gracing his lips. "I hope you're dreaming of something nice."
He leans his head back against the seat, feeling a sense of calm wash over him in your presence. "I miss hearing your voice already," he admits quietly, his fingers lightly tracing patterns on the fabric of his pants.
"Would a kiss wake you up, sleeping beauty?" Seungmin teases softly, a playful glint in his eyes as he considers the idea. He leans in closer, pressing a soft kiss to your temple before settling back into his seat.
"I'll be sure the radio is low so we don't wake you," he murmurs.
"Just got home," Seungmin says as the car pulls into the driveway, his voice tinged with affection. "I'll carry you inside," he offers, a warm smile spreading across his face as he prepares to lift you gently into his arms, eager to keep you safe and comfortable even in your slumber.
Jeongin ╰┈➤ Studying for an exam
Jeongin glances over at you, a soft smile playing on his lips as he sees you dozing off amidst a pile of textbooks. "Hey, sleepyhead," he murmurs affectionately, reaching over to gently nudge your shoulder.
"Looks like those textbooks finally got the best of you," he adds with a chuckle, his tone warm and teasing. "I don't blame you, though. Studying can be exhausting."
He watches you sleep for a moment, the lines of fatigue smoothing out from your face in the embrace of slumber. "It's actually kinda cute, watching you sleep like that," he admits, a fondness evident in his gaze. "But don't make it a habit, okay? We've got exams to ace!"
Jeongin's smile grows softer as he continues to watch you sleep, a warmth spreading through his chest at the sight of you. "You know," he begins, his voice quieter now, filled with a sincerity that matches the affection in his eyes, "I don't think I ever told you just how much you mean to me."
"You're not just my study buddy," he confesses softly, his gaze never leaving your peaceful form. "You're my best friend, my confidante, my partner in crime."
"And... well, if I'm being completely honest," he admits, a slight blush coloring his cheeks, "you're also the person I've been hopelessly in love with for longer than I care to admit."
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ઇଓ M.LIST | Ko-Fi | Taglist | Thank you for your support ♡ | Consider leaving a comment, reblog or like ♡ | © 2024 Valkyriexo 
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fashion-runways · 10 months ago
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hi!! new pinned post, because the last one had gotten long again-- if you want to read previous posts, here's the first one, here's the second one. the tl;dr from those is that my dad got wrongfully imprisoned abruptly, our place was raided, the cops broke a bunch of shit and took a bunch of our things and still haven't returned them, they left all the broken things for us to spend money in repairing, we had to spend money on a lawyer, trips to visit him, new clothes, medicine and food for him in jail, etc. it was a mess, way more details in both posts. he's back home now, with an ankle monitor because technically his case isn't being investigated yet, they haven't done anything about it at all, the case hasn't moved one ounce lmao it's great, always trust the judicial system and cops!! ugh, anyway!
we found a therapist for my dad who can help her deal with all the stuff he had to deal with while in prison, all the bullying, the depression, the starving, the separation, etc. he needs to get a bunch of other medical appointments, has to get surgery, among other things, but for now things are much better on that front. that being said, he did lose his job and my old redbubble account got suspended without a warning months ago, plus argentina's economy is... really bad right now. food prices rise every day, public transportation prices went up like a 200% in a couple of weeks, salaries are low and stuck there, subsidies are gone, the local peso keeps falling, we have an absolute psychopath as a president who spends more time insulting or threatening anyone who oppose him than caring about people. it's a disaster. for updates on argentina in english, this person on twitter makes very good informative threads if you're interested.
anyway, i used to make around 30/40 dollars a month in redbubble, and that used to help adding up to the donations i got here, and it got suspended, so now i make like 1/2 dollars on teepublic monthly. so... it's a huge loss. there's a lot of things me and my mom are in charge of paying-- groceries, power and water and gas, medicine (she's diabetic, i have some sort of chronic sinusitis), our dog and cat's food and medicines, wifi, phone bills, public transportation, healthcare, my dad's new therapist... so, you know, i really need anything people can donate. even if it's just a single dollar, literally any amount helps. i love fashion so much and i love this blog, i work really hard on it even when my brain says no, and i really appreciate how much you guys love it too. i love seeing people discover new styles, new designers, new things to be inspired by. so, yeah... i'm never going anywhere, but i do need help to basically stay afloat.
as usual, my kofi link is this one: https://ko-fi.com/fashionrunways and my teepublic link is this one: https://www.teepublic.com/user/dinah-lance. thanks for being around and sharing and reblogging my posts, thanks for asking questions about fashion, and of course thanks for helping to the ones who can, and thanks to the ones who can't too, i know how that feels like, don't worry about it. love you 💖
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