#i'm not giving myself a ton of tasks just handling them as i feel like it

[arcaneyouth]

fighting for my fucking life getting these comic pages done

[ot3]

The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere

What is it, and why you should read it.

(Art by purple)

The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere is a currently updating webserial by author Lurina. It's one of my favorite things I've read in a long while and I'd like to convince you all to give it a chance.

My elevator pitch is this: A time-loop murder mystery directly inspired by Umineko, with a lot of similar vibes to the Locked Tomb Trilogy - partially due to it's meditations on grief and mortality and partially due to it's far-future magical sci-fi world where we follow a fucked up lesbian necromancer on a task she is determined to see through to the end. A deeply complex, unique, and believable world that plays hosts to one of the best interpersonal dynamics I've read.

In a future so far-flung that it is past the heat death of the universe, humanity has constructed a new society that is post-scarcity but not post-stratification. Utsushikome of Fusai is one amongst a class of prodigious young medical arcanists (essentially grad students) who are invited to visit a recently legitimized conclave of top-of-the-line researchers studying immortality. Accompanying Su is her best friend Ran, a fellow arcanist. Over the course of the novel we begin to slowly unravel exactly what ulterior motives have brought them to this conclave and how events in their childhoods and years of working toward their shared goal has warped their relationship into what we now see. This relationship is the crown jewel of Flower's narrative, and getting to peel back the layers of it as you read is a delight.

Like Umineko, Flower is a murder mystery that prevents itself with in-universe Rules that dictate the murders' parameters, meaning there's a lot to chew on for anyone who likes solving mysteries. For those that don't, like myself, Flower offers instead a richly developed world and plenty of open questions about the sociopolitical and metaphysical implications of its own worldbuilding.

Below the cut, I'll go into more detail about the series (without spoilers!) for those of you whose interest has been piqued.

The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere is currently ongoing, updating every few weeks. It's several hundred thousand words, so if you're looking for something substantial to keep you entertained, you've got it. As you might expect from the length, the pacing is decently slow. I don't see this as a bad thing at all, because within this pacing Lurina dripfeeds the readers enough new and interesting information at a regular rate that it never feels like your time is being wasted. But if you can't handle slow burns, I wouldn't recommend this one for you.

If you enjoyed the Zero Escape series and liked that they stopped solving murder puzzles to infodump about fringe science, I think you'll get a lot out of Flower. Characters are frequently interrupting their life-or-death scenarios to have lofty, philosophical and political discussions. It's a ton of fun if you like reading characters argue.

'People have to sleep.' 'People have to work.' 'People have to die.' But those were just vague rules, phrasing I'd used because it had been easier in the context of that conversation. What really mattered, on the day-to-day level, was the idea that it was all for something. If someone invented a elixir that made people not to need to sleep, it would, in retrospect, recontextualize all nights everyone ever wasted sleeping as wastes of time. Not something that occurred for some inherent purpose, but whims of circumstance, a tragedy of when you happened to be born. If you accepted that all unfair things in the world could be removed, if only someone knew how - fatigue, labor, death - then to exist in the world we had now, with all its grotesque imperfections, was to know that you had been violated by fate.

Along those lines it's just got a sense of humor I really enjoy. Pretty dry and cavalier. It manages to keep the mood light without feeling like it's undermining it's own stakes. I'm particularly fond of Su's penchant for telling incredibly depressing suicide jokes that just Do Not Land.

The peer pressure cut into me like a hot knife. I hesitated a little, biting my lip. "Well, uh, okay. I'll just tell a quick one." I swallowed, my mind quickly scrambling. "Okay, so, there's a woman who runs a dispensary for second hand goods. She sees a man come in who's a regular customer. He's kind of a mess-- Has a big beard, a bad complexion. He buys a razor, and tells her he needs it to clean himself up, because he has a date." I could see that I now had Ophelia's attention and that Kam was looking pleased with herself, but Ran was watching me, too. I could see the look in her eyes. It screamed at me, with such vividity that it could be sold at an art gallery: You better not be telling a suicide joke right now, or we're going to have a talk. But it was too late. The wheels were already in motion.

As I mentioned up top, the relationship between Ran and Su is just one of my favorite interpersonal dynamics ever. Period. The author is playing some insanely complicated 5th dimensional yuri chess and I am absolutely here for it as someone who likes characters who are deeply devoted to each other in a way that is deeply deeply fraught. I cant emphasize enough how obsessed I am with what they have going on.

Additionally, as stated, the worldbuilding in Flower is top tier. The author clearly understands how every part of her world functions, which makes the moral quandaries and politics presented all the more impactful because they're very believable. It's hard to talk about Flower's world without spoiling too much of the specifics that get slowly revealed, but it doesn't fall back on any typical sci-fi standard fare and feels like a breath of fresh air amongst recycled and repetitive worldbuilding tropes.

A lot of really fun side characters. Strong voices for all of the supporting cast (♥♥Kamrusepa♥♥) and even though not every character gets their own arc, they all clearly have plenty of interiority. Once again, another thing that makes Flower feel very believable despite it's absurdities.

Autism

"Did you notice anything out of the ordinary with anyone?" She eyed him. "Anyone who seemed tense?" "Saoite, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but half of our class is so autistic that they constantly seem tense. You might as well ask me to find a specific turd in a sewer." "Just answer the question, please," she replied flatly.

Guys it's really good just trust me I don't want to spoil you for the more intricate plot beats but they're doing some crazy shit here. It's never a bad time to support an independent author's project. If you're sick of corporate mass-media and stuff needing to be marketable, getting into independent works owned and supported by individual creators is a great way to push back against that. I highly recommend it.

[isa-ghost]

In honor of phil confirming that (most) rp phils are the same, maybe some headcanons about q!phil with some of the ex-dsmp members? Or veterans/smpearth?

For the sake of keeping tons of opportunity for more Phil/DSMP member headcanons in the future, I'll focus one duo! And it'd be a fucking crime if I didn't start with Emduo >:)

I WILL say here for anyone thinking of sending more Phil/DSMP requests: I will not be doing Dream Team or Wilbur & Phil. Even though the latter had a huge impact on cPhil.

These might be more general Emduo than DSMP Era specific but hey, that leaves room for more requests too. :D

Dear god these are reminding me I should rewatch Phil's DSMP vods, I'm so rusty on this shit. Apologies in advance if suddenly I get insane about cPhil in the future LMAO.

qPhil headcanons masterlist

First off, I personally don't ship them romantically. I'm not even sure about shipping them as a QPR, that's a maybe. But I do know they were ride or die brothers in arms. The unstoppable force to the other's immovable object. A duo that's down in history in every realm Phil's been in so far.

Even so, just bc he had no feelings of that kind for Techno specifically, spending so much time with him as just the two of them still contributed to him going "Hm. Yknow what, I think I could see myself having a male life partner maybe." So thanks Techno for still playing SOME part in Phil's journey into being fruity.

Techno was one of the first immortals Phil ever encountered, at least the first one he befriended and stayed around long term. It.. was a breath of fresh air to say the least. To know he had eternity with Techno if all things went well, to never have to fear being alone again, knowing there'd always be a when I see you again.

But Techno was immortal, not invulnerable. Same as Phil. Phil was shattered when he lost him. It's by far the worst instance of being reminded he's permanently fated to lose any and all attachments he makes.

Techno found endless entertainment in Phil basically playing Get Off My Lawn with every other member ever whenever they'd come bother the two in their tundra home. He'd purposely go without additional measures to keep people out and away just because he loved watching Phil deal with it or hearing him rant about how many times he had to while Techno was asleep or away.

Phil personally did NOT like some of the "allyships" Techno chose to make, but he was still ride or die with him, so he tolerated them and helped him. And he trusts Techno. He knows in the end, Techno saw some kind of benefit for them. Or the two of them mutually agreed that the destruction entailed in the task was worth it.

Though that changed throughout their time in DSMP. Repeatedly being used and weaponized or crawled to out of desperation rather than genuine desire. It made Phil HATE people for a while, especially mortals. It's why QSMP has him so fucked up present day. For an entire year he was wanted by people, for him. He encouraged Techno to go as ballistic as he did. Even if it was a means to someone else's ends, if they were brutal then at least it demonstrated that the two of them were NOT to be fucked with or taken for granted.

The fucking house arrest and "festival." GOD. That was the first time in a long time Emduo had endured some kind of trauma together. It kicked Phil while he was already down. The fact that none of them cared how he felt or thought in the wake of putting his son out of his misery, now they were giving him a front row seat to the execution of the only person close to him he had left in this realm. Techno felt like the only tangible thing he had left, and they had the audacity to force him to watch them attempt to rip that thing away as if he hadn't lost enough or didn't care that he did. The attempt made Phil EXTREMELY protective of Techno, even though Techno was extremely able to handle himself.

The Syndicate was Emduo's attempt at a found family of their own. What L'Manberg had going was solid minus the government part, it wasn't the community that was the problem. As two immortals who didn't have much besides each other, it was nice to take in a couple people who'd been wronged or forsaken just like them and give them a place to belong and hopefully find some peace. Besides, Phil LOVED being a mentor for them, showing them how to fight & such. Training them alongside Techno,, 🤩 That was his happy place, teaching others to be as strong as them.

Phil's always been more of a Support role guy. He's said it himself plenty of times. That went for Techno especially. He let Techno call the shots, and he'd be at his side no matter what. There's something to be said about how in the same way Etoiles said "I am your arms, just tell me who needs to die," Phil was very much the same way for Techno.

God, honestly, aside from the whole being used repeatedly thing, DSMP gave Phil so much nostalgia for SMPE. Him and Techno vs everything else. He'd missed wearing those antarctic outfits.

When he arrived in DSMP, he didn't expect Techno to be there. He was ELATED, even though he was nowhere near in the emotional state to show it.

I am OBLIGATED to mention the oopsie with the creeper in Techno's cabin. Phil was so bad at playing dumb about it and pretending it never happened. Techno would've never let him live it down.

Phil often falls into mentor roles whenever he's among people. He did no differently in DSMP. But not for Techno. He always appreciated how Techno didn't need him, he wanted him. Now that he's gone, Phil really hopes he finds that kind of companionship again. It's not quite the same as what he has with Kristin or Rose.

After Techno left DSMP, Phil grew even more protective of the tundra. He viciously forbid anyone outside of the Syndicate from coming around unless they had a damn good reason. He'd sooner throw his friendship emerald in lava than let something happen to the cabins while Techno was gone, no matter how long that might've been.

[pbandjesse]

I continued to not feel well today but my energy was more normal. My mouth and throat hurt a ton but I was determined to have a nice day. And I did for the most part! Even if it was just raining so hard and was not snow. I'm very mad that it isnt snow.

I slept a little better. Having a bandaid in my lip was not comfortable but it is helping. I was able to sleep with just the one on but I would change it out like 5 times today. The air hurts it so I'm not comfortable without a bandaid but when it's on if it gets even a little wet it starts to curl and then I can't stop messing with it and once I get there I have to just take it off and start over. I'm trying really hard to leave it alone.

I snoozed my alarm and dozed for 10 extra minutes because I felt so bad. But I got up mostly because I was looking forward to my outfit today. One of my favorite dresses and my favorite sweatshirt. It helped me feel a little more positive towards the day.

James packed up my lunch because they are great. I got myself ready and headed out.

I left a few minutes later then planned but I still made it to camp before the rain started. Which really was all that mattered.

I started up in the art building. I had some stuff to drop off. I emptied the box of stuff I brought but I didn't put things away because it was just to cold. I might try again later but for now it's just a pile of nonsense on the picnic table.

I went back to the office to have my leftovers for breakfast. I was in a pretty good mood despite not feeling amazing.

I had some stuff to do today. I had three screens going at once. I wanted to get the flash sheets drawn up for James and finish mine. Jess wanted to share them with the tattoo artist we are going to. So that was something to focus on for a while.

I also had some sorting of emails for Alexi. I got that done pretty quickly and sent that off. Once everyone else was in the office it was pouring out. And it would continue to get worse throughout the day. All the schools in the area decided to close at noon. So Alexi decided in an abundance of caution, to close the office early too.

We decided we would leave at 2. So I had a few hours to do stuff. I would wander over to the lodge at one point. I was surprised how heavy the rain drops were and how muddy the ground was. I really really wished it was snow.

When I got back to the office from my walk I hsd emails! From the mortgage people! It was time to do some pre closing documents. Explanations and breakdowns about escrow and what we will owe and all the little ins and outs of everything. And I'm trying to not be blasé about homeownership but also. I think we will be great at it. I find it very annoying when articles are like if you aren't a renter you are going to have to take care of all the maintenance! And I'm like. We already do that?? And like I love Tina and Will but 80% of the time I am the one fixing things. Or dealing with the repair people. We haven't had an oven for almost 3 weeks! The backdoor leaks air like crazy. Two of our windows are broken! I am smart and handy and we are going to work hard to save money to have for repairs and be thoughtful about everything we do. I think this is going to be really good for us in a lot of different ways. Even if some stuff goes wrong, I think we will handle it well. I am sure I sound a little naive but also, I have done a ton of research and planning and I am prepared for things to go wrong so that means it won't catch me off guard. I am prepared for good and bad!

I texted James about what we needed to sign and we both got that done very quick. And it feels really real now and it's just very cool.

Alexi would give me a task! I was to create a Google form with camp accreditation questions so that the answering of them can be done collaboratively. It was nice to have something to do and it honestly didn't take to long.

And once it was done I was able to read for a while. I got a new book about the endemic yellow fever of 1793 in Philadelphia. It's very enjoyable so far but also very sad. It's for sure in the same vein as my dear america books but not in journal form. I read that for a while. Chatted with Elizabeth and Sarah. And soon Alexi and Heather were going to have a meeting and we all decided it was time for us to go home.

It was raining very very hard and I am glad I left when I did because it only got worse. Elizabeth teased me for leaving 3 minutes before 2 when I had said I didn't want to be the first to leave. But it would get very bad very quick. I wanted to be off the highway and I wanted to be home. It was scary. The wind was pushing my car around and I desperately wanted to be away from any trucks because they were getting blown about too. It was terrible. I did my best to stay away from other cars because there was so much rain off the back of other cars it was making it hard to see.

As I was getting off the highway I got a missed call and then immediately they called back so I guessed this was a real call. So once I was home and inside and not rained on I called it back. It was the police department. And they were like who are you calling? I'm like they didn't leave a voicemail but I have a case number? And they were able to transfer me but for some reason they were just very snippy. I finally got a detective and he wants me to come in on Thursday. I have never been in a police department before. Scary. He asked could I come in the afternoon and I said yes. 3? And he was like later. Okay how about 4? No. Then he goes how about 6? And I'm like yes that's fine but thinking that is absolutely not the afternoon. That is the evening. But it's fine. I'll go and tell them what I saw and try my best to help. Even if it makes me very nervous. Being in a police station is not my idea of a good time!

When I got off the phone me and James laughed about the call and they told me about their day. They did a lot of packing and took all the art off their office walls and it made me so sad! Blank walls make me feel so sad. But it has to happen so we can move to our new place. Which means I will have to do it in the other rooms. So upsetting. But it is for the best. Because we will have a whole new place to decorate!

We would get in bed and read together. Eventually moving to watching TikToks together. James made me a little frozen microwave pizza for dinner. And we have just had a soft night.

I took a bath. And washed my hair. And we have been listening to the rain and watching videos. I feel a little wheezy but I'm in a better head space. And I think I'm going to go play with some of my jewelery and get ready for tomorrow. I hope it's a good day at work. And I hope you all have a really nice night. Sleep well everyone. Take care of yourselves.

[madmaryholiday]

tl;dr: because video games are bringing in a lot of money at work, i can no longer keep handhelds and games at my desk overnight due to the security risk it presents. this is both understandable and a massive inconvenience.

on thursday, i went through my bins of stuff and pulled out all the handhelds and games so they could be stored in the electronics section overnight.

i'd told my supervisor ahead of time that i would need a cart to put my stuff on so i wouldn't have to rely on other people to move it from the electronics section to my desk every day, and despite agreeing, he informed me on thursday that there were no carts available and i would have to have the boxes moved every day.

i made it clear to my supervisor that this arrangement would be significantly inconvenient for a number of employees, because the last thing i need is him whining at me in a couple weeks that everything's getting backed up because of the extra labor required to set up and clean up my workspace every day.

we'll see how things go. yesterday, there was no room to put any of the three boxes i had stored in electronics, so i had to just grab a couple tester handhelds and not touch the giant box full of shit i need to list for sale in favor of going through the pile of consoles waiting for me.

i also got in trouble(?) for letting another coworker post some game lots that i had either personally put together or had checked over before handing them to her. apparently i needed to ask permission first???

what's funny is that i had told the other two people who process electronics that if my supervisor asked them about it, to tell him i'd given the lots to her myself and she hadn't gone rogue.

i'd taken a previous discussion of "let me know if you want to do something outside normal protocol" as, like, a request to be kept in the loop instead of a formal declaration that i needed to ask permission.

initially i was kind of offended that he would imply that i'd be throwing specialized items at random unqualified coworkers (i'd specifically given this girl game lots because there's basically no way to fuck them up, and they were taking up a ton of space i needed to get through a dozen consoles). like he wasn't all "you're in trouble," but he WAS doing the "don't make it a habit" thing and "we need to have high standards" for items that make lots of money and whatever.

i did explain that this was not a normal thing i'd be doing, and that i knew i didn't have to get through everything on a cart in one day (i'd actually just brought back the half-dozen items i'd not had time for right before he came over to talk to me), but that i'd felt so swamped with stuff that i wanted to offload an easy task to someone who had shown interest in games in the past. i was then able to steer the conversation to "we really need someone else posting consoles" and related topics of staffing issues, but i did still feel kind of offended that my supervisor felt the need to tell me that only certain people should handle gaming posts.

as if i hadn't fought for literal years to convince management that games were worth prioritizing and giving only to people who knew what they were worth.

i'm a very proud creature, and while i don't think he meant it as a slight against me, it sure felt like he was insinuating i was being careless or unprofessional by giving items that, again, are basically impossible to fuck up to someone else so i could deal with the items that needed a more specialized touch.

i'm not actually mad about it anymore (not that i was more than mildly offended, but whatever), but the post i reblogged about "unemployable traits" reminded me that this interaction was an example of my overall.....insubordinate vibes, i guess? like i'm so used to delegating my own work and having to work around incompetent management that i don't really register that my supervisor is supposed to be an authority figure. i mostly consider him logistical support tbh.

i'd assumed that if he had a question about why another employee was posting something i normally post, he'd ask, and i'd explain. or he'd ask one of the other people in my department, and they'd go "oh yeah [name] was really busy with consoles and gave some game bundles to [coworker] to save time." but i was actually supposed to go find him before i handed over the bundles, which was just utterly alien to me.

anyway, i'm trying to let myself be okay with being less efficient. i am a goddamn professional, and my instinct is to make up for lost time when there's an unexpected inconvenience. but that also takes more out of me in the long run, and i don't want to burn myself out or get injured for the sake of a couple more posts, you know? so having to take time to move my stuff back and forth every day will just have to mean a couple fewer posts per day.

and if anyone gives me shit about it, i'll just have to explain why i have less time to do my job now.

[lucky4in]

Magic Interferes in New Orleans

Prompts from Piccadilly's book #3

Words used: ☆matriarch ☆throat ☆impossible ☆vinegar ☆apology ☆slice ☆microwave ☆raspberry ☆choose ☆snore

God! I can't take it. The dread is killing me. I'm losing all the blood in my fingers with how tight I'm squeezing the steering wheel. The honking around me is not helping. I can feel everyone's fear collectively as we sit in agitated traffic. Stress. Fault. Jitteriness. Indifference. Panic, panic, panic.

God, I hate being an empath. I can't even hear my own thoughts. I need to breath! Yeah. Take deep breaths. I'm not far from the U-turn lane. So what if traffic is moving 1 millimeter a minute? The storm can't be faster.

Hooooonk!

Beepbeep!

I have to get out of this situation before I have a sensory overload.

From my front and my rear, I'm surrounded by vehicles. I can't move back, I'll hit someone. I can't move up, because they'll think there's space to move and I'll be more stuck than before. Looking to my right I realize the road across the gate is fairly empty. That last car I saw go that way was 40 something minutes ago.

I gulp loosening my grip from the wheel but still holding it firmly in my palms. Taking a breath I turn the wheel and step on the gas. My car races through the grass and crashes though the metal gates. With a screech, my tires are finally rolling and I'm off. Towards the dark clouds like a fool running blindly into a lions den.

When I finally catch sight of the curling palm trees and the flying debris, my weariness is replaced by anger. We had a plan. A simple schedule. Prepare emergency food, water, and medicine, flashlights and documents, locate nearest shelters, fill up gas tank, clear the yard, and turn off the power. When the evacuation order is set, I would be too far away at the time, so my husband would get the kids from home and we...would...evecuate.

Evacuate.

We would meet at the nearest shelter with our separate cars...

Unfortunately, my...sweet...dearest mother decided to take it upon herself to pick up the kids herself...and NOT evacuate. Instead, she wanted her grand babies to feel safe during the storm and cook them a nice meal...at her house.

I almost had a heart attack when my husband said they weren't there. Instead, a note was attached to the fridge reassuring us that my elementary school kids, including a baby, did not infact disappear off the face of the earth. She wants them to feel less threatened and stressed over this "flood nonsense". Make it seem like a regular thunder storm.

Except it's not a thunder storm! It's a hurricane!

I told my husband not to worry about it, I will get the kids and be ok. The hurricane is suppose to be a bad one, the weather man said. Anything left undemolished by the storm by the end of this would be a miracle. Hopefully it won't be my sanity. I swear, she's impossible.

By the time I get to her house, the streets are flowing with water and clawing up her driveway like waves at a beach. I step out and my shoe kerplunks into the water. I groan, feeling my ears eject hot steam. I stomp onto her porch with a squish, squish, squish and jam the key into the lock.

I kick the door open and slam it shut, my anger seeming to accelerate as soon I step inside. I cringe a bit, noticing my youngest asleep on the couch.

"DON'T SLAM MY DO-" my mother sticks her head out through the kitchen doorway and spots me.

"-Oh, hi baby!"

I stretch a tight smile, coaxing my child back to sleep. "Hello, mother."

"You came just in time. I just need to get a few things done before we eat."

And there she is. Like always. Not worrying about a thing while marinating apple cider vinegar on peices of pork. Probably to slice into the-

Sniff, sniff.

-gumbo. Her calm persona was infuriating. Almost insulting.

"Too bad my son in law couldn't be here. He'd love to stuff his face with the beignets" she continues.

"He's at the shelter. Kinda like we're suppose to be" I say, honey tounged and all "which begs the question..." I lean in, my palms face down on the table. "Why aren't we there right now?" I sneer, bringing my voice down.

"Because there's no need to. You know that" she says simply.

"Maybe in your case, but not mine. You just felt entitled to do things your way. Like you always do. I had everything under control and-and you had me worried."

"You know nothing was going to happen to these kids. I knew nothing was really wrong."

"If you really felt so aloof about this, you should have stayed yourself. You can't just up and take my kids like that. We've talked about this."

She finally looks at me, turning away from her task. "I should be free to see my own grand kids whenever I want to."

"I would have probably excepted that, if we weren't in the middle of a god damn hurricane-"

"Momma! Momma look!"

I was interrupted by my two children excitedly telling me that a pie was on the way. All while showing me their hands, proof of a raspberry massacre. Animated. Passion. Triumph. Pleasant. I ruffle their heads with a quick "good job" and they ran off together. Their happiness almost cures my frustration. It does calm me down a bit though.

"Is is so much to want to keep your family safe" my mother asks.

Aaaaaaand its back.

"Is it so much to just listen to me? To just let me do things my way? I am in no less danger than you are just because I dont have the same... tools that you do."

"It looks like it puts you in a lot of danger if you have to evacuate the city. You could simply come here so momma can protect you."

"That makes me look like a normal person, mom. The streets are already flooding and a ton of people just saw me go the opposite direction. I look stupid and suspicious." I'm taken back to my teen years. Having a similar conversation with my mother. "Not everything can be solved with your protection. I can make my own decisions. But instead you undermine me and tamper with everything around you. Just because I dont have it, doesn't mean I cant keep my family safe or simply be a mother. How about, for once, you let mother nature do her job."

"Your father made this house with his bare hands, rehydrating himself with his sweat. No one is touching this house. Not even Cosmo's or Gaia or whatever." She huffs and turn away. A puff of steam emerges over her head, indicating she opened the pot of Gumbo.

"Well, when your the Matriarch, you can start making the rules around here."

Realizing an apology isn't coming, I groan restricting myself from wrapping my hands around her throat. Its silence between us, as there is after every altercation. Especially when the house is mentioned, cause it's always Papa's house. He passed away before I could even learn to speak his name. Mama always told us about Papa. How she met him, how he put her on her feet and built a house for her (it was told he even built the bricks holding this house up), how his devotion to his family and the love of his life lasted until death did them part.

"What makes you think I'm going to be the next Matriarch?" I ask, slipping in the kitchen chair.

"You will. It's a family tradition that you need to uphold. And you are the only girl conceived by me." She answers, this sounds almost rehearsed.

"Why don't the others take your place?" I ask, for the millionth time.

"It's only rare that a boy has ever been in place of a woman. And once a girl was brought in, he was removed immediately."

"If it's that simple then crown them and get it over with."

"Oh, do you think it's that easy"? She quizzes, slowly turning to me.

"Knowing you, probably not."

"Hyde is much more coordinated than that. If they really didn't think you were worthy, we would have known, but I always knew you were special."

Here she goes again. Hyde,, is supposedly the person that gifts the family with magic, life, and girls. It's the spirirt who thrones and dethrones us. No matter who we are. According to mom, the next Matriarch could be good or bad, Hyde has a plan for them in the end.

Along with Papa's stories, Hyde was always directed towards me because I was the only girl, excluding my half sister. Truthfully there was no way to know if Hyde was actually real. I'm not even sure if my parents have seen it. Mom would tell me tales at night of different women throughout our generation, chosen by Hyde and how I would be like them someday.

Perfect.

"Hyde doesn't give you this gift for no reason" mom reassures "they always have a plan. You can't see everything in a negative light. What if Hyde chooses Clio and you-"

I stop her at the mention of my youngest name.

"I'm not putting that responsibility on my kid" I say sternly, though It probably won't matter what I tell her "Especially if, no offense, she ends up like you. Completely dependent on Hyde's gift. IT didn't give me any when I was born, like the rest of you, and I'd like it to stay that way."

Silence once more.

"Perhaps you're afraid-"

"I'm not afraid-"

"-its okay."

"-Of this imaginary ghost."

"Sure, keep believing that. But when it happens~" she sings.

"When it happens to me, pigs will fly" I sneer, memories of that same sing song tone prodding at me.

She says nothing.

"Just let it go mom, it's just not meant to be. I'm not a child that you can hide under your wings when hail comes. However your gifts came to be, Hyde, the house, whatever, it must've skipped a generation."

She continues to stir. She sputters "but-but the family-"

"-The family doesn't know what's best for me and neither do you. I know I'm the only daughter to the Matriarch. I know I wasn't born with any gifts like my siblings. I know refusing my path makes me an ungrateful child and Hyde will handle me" I say reciting what I also heard throughout my life "But that's not my life. And I'm not defenseless."

She freezes. More silence.

"And, I mean, it's not like having voodoo is easy. It consumes you and it messes a lot of things up. This worlds order and the next."

"That's what the council is for" my mom mutters finally.

"Oh, right. The council. The same family who's just as dependent as you. Do you even remeber a time where you haven't used your gift and actually did things yourself?"

...

...

"Don't you ever think of letting go of this life? Doing things for yourself and not the family? Hyde? Papa's house? I notice how this changes you as you age. If this is the answer to our problems I wouldn't mind the sea taking this house away for a while-"

"Mama! Mama!"

"Wow, look."

I follow my kids voices and they seek for me, a glimmer of wonder and awe in there wide pupils. My 2 boys are pointing to the window in the living room. My sleeping child is now up, standing on her toes to see what her brothers are looking at.

As I begin to walk In the living room, they're rushing back to the kitchen. I take a peek and see a part of the lawn, including my rental car but the road and the neighborhood is gone. A large amount of visible debris is covering up the world around-

No.

No.

That's not debris. That's not wind.

I follow my kids. They've opened the screen door and ventured into the back yard. I race after them and stop in my tracks. The water barrier has followed us to the backyard. My kids are screaming and dancing in the sprinklers as the hurricane is trapping us in its second eye. The oceanic barrier is circling around is, refusing to touch the property. With my kids instructions I look up, the sky is dark above us like it's the dead of night, yet inside the barrier, its murky like a cloudy day.

I can't concentrate. Excitment. Curiosity. Shock. Chills.

I sigh as my daughter wobbles to me and I scoop her in my arms. I can see it now, worst hurricane in 6 years and the Crobitt house still stands. This is similar but not related to the instance when a pair of swings at the run down school across the house seemingly froze in the air a few years ago... CIA is currently investigating...

I gather my children inside, they were starting to go towards the rushing ocean and who knows what'll happen. I shut the door with a defeated sigh and sulk at the table. The beneits sit gracefully with their powder sugar and I worship it by stuffing it in my mouth.

"I told you..."

I look up. My mothers eyes are glowing that familiar bright green and she has that devious smirk on her face. She always gave me that look as a child as if she's trying to tell me something. That, or it's to prove something, which I still dont know. I dont think I ever will.

"...you're father built this house. No one is taking it from me..."

...

...

"Now, elbows off the table."

-------

If you like to write or be creative, perhaps you need inspiration, go check out this book! Its the best!

[kingofthewilderwest]

Are you really happy without the conventional work? How do you deal with feeling like a failure compared to your peers? How the fuck do i adult i'm so tierd and stressed and don't know what i'm doing

I'm really sorry about how tired, stressed, and uncertain you may be feeling. <3 That's really hard stuff to feel. And I mean that with every ounce of sympathy I wish I could express better beyond this stiff text. Sending you all the love.

I am happier without doing conventional work. It might be less stable because my jobs are short-term, and the instability does make me nervous, but I feel like it has more pros than cons for my personal happiness. It will not be for everyone, though, and I would not recommend it for everyone.

I'm assuming when you ask about feeling like a failure, it's both in concern to how I feel with it, and how you might feel yourself. <3 <3 I hope that this answer ends up helping. It's the best I can try. <3

As for myself, I don't for a second believe I am a failure. I've always been a cocky bitch, and here the cockiness reigns supreme: I'm pretty awesome whether I do anything or not. When I'm exhausted and unhappy and Depression takes over (and hooboy Depression can take over like demon possession), my mind might stray to unbearable self-hate and self-deprecation, but I argue against those voices rather than let them enter my everyday language about myself. (It's a dangerous habit to ever repeatedly insult yourself; it ingrains those thoughts in you worse, it really does.)

There's nothing that makes me a failure compared to my old peers. They're pursuing jobs that society traditional deems "successful." So what? They're irrelevant to me and my life, and my life is irrelevant to them. Society's ideas of what is and isn't good has always been complete bullshit anyway... why should I care if I amount anything to what broader society feels? Broader society is stupid and I don't give a damn about it. I'm not saying this out of bitterness or rejection or something; I honestly don't care because it's irrelevant to me.

I'm here to pursue myself, pursue what I personally like. If I feel happier, if I make a milestone that's relevant to me and myself and I, then that's awesome. In many ways, if I'm different than my old peers and not following into their notion of success, then I know I'm doing right by myself. ;) It's proof of my own growth, isn't it?

The truth of the matter is, nobody is a failure for being different than someone else. Every person has a different life path. I know for many people, they are more self-conscious about how the world around them operates, how the world sees them. If the world doesn't find them successful, beautiful, etc., they feel like shit. Maybe you feel self-conscious about not meshing with society or being "as good as" other people around you. And I'm here to say: your life is your life. <3 <3 I know it can be hard to stop comparing yourself with others, but in the end, I do believe we have to understand our own innate value is permanent. Our value is there no matter what. You are beautiful. Period. There's no ifs, ands, buts, accomplishments, actions, or choices that will change the fact you are innately incredible. <3

The people whose heart meshes with yours, the people who lift you up, those are the people that matter, and those people will never believe you're a failure. Those people will see you as the diamond you are. If people judge you and are cruel to you for that, then their voices are the irrelevant ones to be discarded, because they aren't valuing you, and so they don't have good life advice or good values. There's no value listening to idiots, fools, and castigators. Now, that's not to say that good friends and acquaintances won't tell you you're doing something wrong or struggling or making a bad choice... a good friend is someone who protects you by speaking honestly and warning you if they think you're stumbling... but they aren't going to put you down as some failure, either. They're there to help you move forward with your life's journey for yourself.

We all struggle. We all stumble. We all fall. We all fuck up. We all get tired. We all don't know what we're doing. We all flail around aimlessly. We all make the wrong choice. We all look "better" to outside viewers than we see of ourselves. We see the sloppiest parts of ourselves whereas most others don't, so that's why it's easy to be the most critical with yourself and start bashing on yourself. But I guarantee that my peers, shiny as their PhDs might look, have probably had nights where they've cried into their pillows, or been frazzled, or been at bad low points, or wished they were anyone else. And I wish them the best and emotional security, but what it means is: we're all some level of fucked up anyway. Some people have worse struggles than others, and that needs to be respectfully recognized, but at the end of the day, we're all human and we all struggle and our pains are all real things we experience. The pain is real and it's valid to feel bad over it. The best we can do is give ourselves a break, stop tormenting ourselves internally over our natural inability to be perfect, and when we have the strength, to give love and support to others so they don't stumble as bad as we did.

I want to relate to you by saying... I think I was constantly clueless, confused, anxious, and apprehensive in the first half of my twenties. It sucked and I'm sorry if things suck for you.

Somehow....... I think a switch was flipped somewhere when I got more years of "adulthood" under way. The switch flipped from "I hate that I don't know what I'm doing" to "ehhh, whatever, life is life." Now, it's not to say I'm more organized. I'm not. My refrigerator has more mold than food. There's a horrible smell coming from the kitchen sink where water's been resting in a dirty pot for several days. My laundry is scattered all over the floor and I've run out of pairs of clean underwear... ran out several days ago. Don't ask what I'm wearing. I don't know the last time I've vacuumed and my place looks like a tornado zone. It took me several months to have the mental energy to schedule my first COVID shot, and I often have to cancel my banjo lessons like an unreliable buttfart because something Came Up In Life Just Now. In many ways, my life is still a chaos zone. I think I'm getting better (I've earned a ton of money in my savings account the last two years, victory!!! I'm no longer living month-to-month!!!). But I just want to say in all this.... it's okay. It's not preferable that my house is disorganized piles of crap on the floor, but I can continue to live. If we manage to wake up, get ourselves food, do hours of work, then we have achieved adulthood, and everything else is icing on the cake.

In the end, I think "stability" in adulthood is being semi-comfortable with instability. Adulthood just means handling unstable shit, and if we're novices with it, so be it. Maybe as your life goes forward, things will be less tiring and less confusing. Maybe things will be more stable. Or maybe not. Maybe the same problems will keep coming around. But I think adulthood is the ability to accept that these problems come around, and handle them, even if you aren't 100% a master at the novel circumstances.

And over time, I do believe it gets easier. <3 It takes more to rock the boat. It takes more to daunt you. The things that were initially anxiety-causing become a part of everyday affairs, and when a new novel circumstance comes up, you're more mentally prepared to try on something new. I encourage you to keep at it, my friend. I hope things feel better over time. It's okay that you aren't sure what you're doing right now. Maybe someone can help you in the present day. Maybe in the future you'll know what you're doing with tasks that previously confused you. Maybe in the future, the new weird tasks won't feel as daunting. Adulthood is weird and we don't know what we're doing, but that doesn't mean that life is going to fuck us through that.

In the end, you will still have beauty in your life. No matter what, beauty will exist in its simplest forms, and the simplest forms are the best. You don't need to achieve anything to get there. You don't need to be put together (although being put together is nice and something I want to help my friends feel <3 ). You don't need to look impressive in society. If you see a beautiful sunset, if you see a cluster of cute mushrooms, if you pet a cat or dog or animal of your choice, if you spend twenty minutes talking with your friend on voice call, if you read a good book for half an hour in the morning, if you buy yourself a tasty $4 drink to treat yourself, then your adult life is worth it, and your adult life is enough. <3

[revchainsaw]

Demolition Man (1993)

I am by no means an Action Movie guy. I have however time and time again found myself surprised by the genre when it has found its way into my viewing habits. The first Action Movie that really impressed me was Die Hard. I watched it one Christmas as I searched for more unusual holiday fare and was utterly blown away. I felt as if I should seek out more of these films. I got as far as Lethal Weapon 2 before I retreated back to the world of absurd horror and sci-fi. If not for the power of cultural osmosis and the question of the 3 shells i might not have worked up the interest to check out 1993's Demolitions Man. I was expecting a typical cop vs criminal action flick starring Stallone, but what I found was an absolutely delightful Science Fiction Comedy.

The Message

Released in 1993 Demolition man starts right out of the gate with a hilariously pessimistic prediction that by the year 1996 every city in America will be Gotham on crack. The Joker of this film is Simon Phoenix and though he lacks the circus act accoutrement he is absolutely a clown prince of crime. I would not be surprised to discover Heath Ledger took inspiration from Snipes for his turn as an agent of chaos. Phoenix is an unstoppable force and in Stallone he finds his immoveable object, John Spartan (God I love these action movie names), a cop who will walk through hell itself to see this mad man brought to justice. However in his blind pursuit of his greatest enemy Spartan is easily coaxed into making reckless decisions, resulting in unnecessary fatalities. Both Spartan and Phoenix are thus sentenced to cryogenic prison sentences.

In 2032, Phoenix is thawed out for a parole hearing and of course things go as you might expect. Phoenix finds that he has changed, someone has used scifi shenanigans on him while he was frozen giving him abilities both mental and physical that he had not had before, hinting at some kind of conspiracy, he also finds that this was overkill as even the unmodified Phoenix would not have had any trouble conquering the world of 2032. Society has become utopian and nobody has a concept of using physical force to resolve issues. This leads the police of the time to make the controversial decision to thaw out Spartan to bring down the villain.

Hilarity ensues as Sandra Bullocks character, Lenina Huxley (awesome name once again; named after the author of Brave New World), is tasked with keeping the primitive 90s action hero in line with the moral imperatives of the time. This includes avoiding violence, not using naughty words, a vegetarian diet, and socially distanced sexual intercourse (a gag at the time but in the real life 2020's may have been a welcome invention).

Without giving too much more away, this future peace comes at a great cost to personal freedom and expression and there is a society of free people living in the fringes of society known as Scraps lead by a civil rights leader of sorts named Friendly. There is a sinister conspiracy to wipe them out that is the central plot contrivance that brought our forces of Good and Evil to face off. The Super Phoenix betrays his handlers, seeks to turn this utopia into his personal playground and is eventually defeated by Spartan in the final showdown. Sylvester Stallone eagerly eats a rat burger and Sandra Bullock says a cuss word at one point.

The Benediction

Best Character: Phoenix Rises

Everyone loves a villain. I had mostly known Wesley Snipes from the Blade films and did not know he had this kind of range. I expected very stoic boring bad ass action dialogue from both Stallone and Snipes in this movie, and believed the sci-fi elements would simply be space cars and laser guns but was I wrong. I'm so happy to be wrong. This film just surprised me and Snipes performance as Phoenix was by far the most enjoyable. I loved his menace and the threat that he presented. I don't think there had been such a loveable bastard force of nature character like this portrayed in film so well until this time. He is such a believable threat that I really doubted there was going to be a way to bring him down. It was great to see the other characters underestimate him and to see him not only physically dominate his obstacles but to also out smart and out class his 'puppet masters' was just a pleasure the whole time.

Best Actor: Bullock in the Chamber

I know that Sandra Bullock stars in a ton of comedy films but I've never been able to say that I found her to be particularly funny. She also strangely plays a cop in a lot of these comedies. I may think of Lilina Huxley every time I think of Sandra Bullock from now on. She was absolutely hilarious, deadpan and dedicated to this character in a way that sold the world of 2032 America. I really don't think that the overly sensitive utopic world would have felt like a genuine place where human beings lived and not just a cartoonish backdrop without the honesty that Bullock brought to the role. It's hard to find actors who can inhabit a comedic world as seriously as a Middle Earth. And maybe that's not what she'd like to be remembered for, but I think she deserves that credit.

Best Aspect: a Genre/Genre/Genre Classic

Demolition Man is such a pleasant surprise. No one in this movie seems to begrudge it's wackiness and it lends itself to the humor in a way that lets the audience rest in the assurance that this was a pleasure for the cast and crew as much as it is a pleasure for us. It doesn't sacrifice it's action to be to screwball, and it doesn't sacrifice it's world building to be to absurd. It's a comedy that takes it's self seriously. I can not stress enough that this movie nails several genre's at once. It's a funny comedy, an ideologically committed satire, an exciting action flick, a hard science fiction tale that explores the high concept of the consequences of utopia, and a fantasy that sells it's goofy future world.

Worst Aspect: If Only Cops Were More Violent

I am not a fan of the implications of the film. In the 90s it seemed that PC culture was the big enemy of personal freedom and that giving a shit about other peoples feelings was going to turn our civilization into a bunch of overly sensitive weaklings. This narrative has imbedded itself in our culture and produced a generation of selfish assholes who feel completely justified in their every callous action. Demolition Man is a Libertarian science fiction film, but I find that it's central fiction is just that. I do not believe that committing to non-violent conflict resolutions, considering the feelings of others, and not eating meat will 'neuter' our abilities to live individually free and fulfilling lives. It's a caricature, that while funny, i think is inaccurate. If you are of the mindset that Personal Freedom is at odds with social justice then you may find yourself enjoying the idea that it takes a violent police reaction to save society from it's own worst impulses, but I find that idea fairly fantastical. I think seeing the community stand firm in their convictions and still overcome evil may have been a more ideologically realistic interpretation of how the day can be saved, but instead we are given a lone wolf renegade cop killing the bad guy will reform the world, and in todays world, that just seems like a profoundly stupid message.

Best Scene: Fight at the Museum

Demolition Man boasts several ass kicking confrontations between Spartan and Phoenix. The opening Escape from L.A. backdrop that establishes these deadly foes, and the fall out that an interaction between the two can have is considered extreme even when the world is seemingly at the brink of collapse. It really sets a high stake for our squeaky clean future. The final battle in the Cryo-lab is also iconic and features a pretty excellent practical effect. However, I'd have to give the best scene to the fight at the weapons exhibit. The fact that Spartan knows his enemy so well is on display as he predicts that the Weapons exhibit will be an irresistible draw, we get to see Phoenix at his chaotic best, great one liners, and it's just a toy box for both Hero and Villain to let lose and deliver on that fall out I was just mentioning had been set up in the first act. While I loved the comedic take on this rivalry, I'd like to see Snipes and Stallone take up their beef again in a more seriously violent film. They make for great arch-rivals.

Best Gag: Potty Mouth

When I was a kid I remember my father hauling ass down our residential road and getting pulled over just a block away from our driveway. I think he was doing 55 in a 35. It was his fault but as the proud small government southern man he was, he felt it was absolutely overreach on behalf of the police department to give him a ticket on the road that he lived on. Stupid, I know. But our car was full of groceries and the officer let our ice cream melt while the whole time we sat in the truck with our home in view. My father was so enraged about this ticket that he got revenge on the mean old government by writing the check to pay his ticket, and then using said check to wipe sweat from his ass crack after mowing the lawn the next day. He mailed it in and I as an 11 year old knew that it was not going to effect the offending officer in the least, but that some poor old county clerk was going to probably get pink eye. Anyway, if you handle money or checks, you should always wear gloves, or wash your hands regularly before touching your face or eating. All that to say, I really enjoyed that after being frustrated with the 3 shell system Stallone racks up a series of fines for profanity. These fines are issued via an automated ticket dispenser on the wall in the police department. Stallone lets out a string of hilarious expletives that I hope to God were adlibbed, before he is satisfied with a nice pile of paper in his hand. He implies that he is going to the bathroom to do a little paperwork, and the scene is over. Even if you don't want to watch the whole movie, go ahead and YouTube this scene. Stallone has a surprising talent for comedy on display here.

Summary

To Begin with, I would say not to take this film too seriously: It is a comedy, after all, and I am not certain that the political implications of the movie were meant to be thought out as much as I have above. Unlike Judge Dredd, which Stallone would star in 2 years after this, (tragically deciding to bring Rob Schneider along with him) Demolition Man does not openly advocate for fascism. It's funny, it's a tight story with a satisfying conclusion, it's got great action choreography and it may be Snipes, Bullock and Stallone at their absolute best.

Overall Grade: B