#i'm not even gonna lie i just kind of freaked and started putting down random shit... it works out though

[gear-systim]

> HATRED 💢 Block Tales ❌ request by anon -- board with misc. stims and a focus on red and black ! (no other criteria) “ LET YOUR PAIN FLOW . . . ”

SOURCES: [ ❌ - 🩸 - ❌ / 💢 - ⭕ - 💢 / ❌ - 🩸 - ❌ ]

[g0ldenbritney]

Ledger!Joker SFW ABCS!

WOO!! first post after introoo! (yes, i know i skipped a lot of letters, but a lot of them wouldn't make any sense to his character or I already talked about them in a previous letter)

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) I feel like most would say he wouldn't be very affectionate, and for the most part I agree. I feel like the levels of affection he would give you would be based on how long the two of you are dating for. I see him more as a gift giving type of guy then a physical affection guy. Like coming home to you and giving you random (or very expensive items that of course he stole) items and trinkets.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?) I feel like a friendship with him would start randomly, one of those friendships that when someone asks "so, when did you two meet?" you just stare blankly trying to remember how. The most logical way you two probably would become friends is through work, or he just saw you on the street and just decided it was your (un)lucky day and forced you to be his friend

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?) Whenever I think about him cuddling I always just think its a little off for him. I feel like he would try to push you off or get all "annoyed" but secretly wants you to cuddle him. He just wants to put up a fight for no reason. For example, the two of you watch a movie and you are literally fighting to cuddle this guy and he just keeps pushing you off, his most frequent excuse would be

"you're to warm.." or "Its to hot out for that."

eventually he lets you, because you knew after awhile he would stop putting up a fake fight

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?) This one is confusing me a little not gonna lie. But no, I don't think he would ever want a domestic type thing. not saying he would "cheat" or whatever but I cant see him wanting to settle down, especially because of how much he loves to fight with batman. Would be pretty hard to do that if he was married with kids, at least to him it would be. With the whole cooking and cleaning thing, he sucks at both. Absolutely cannot cook, I swear that man would burn water, and the whole cleaning thing? he's 100% one of those people who don't make their bed EVER because

"I'm just gonna mess it up again"

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?) NOT GENTLE AT ALL. This man would be an absolute tease. I feel like he would even "make fun" of you, but he wouldn't see it that way he would see it more as poking fun. He would only be KIND OF gentle if you're crying.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?) Its the same thing with the cuddling thing, He would pretend to hate it so much but would secretly love it

"Fine, I guess we can hug a little."

His hugs depend on your mood 100%!! If your feeling sad I think he would be just a bit more gentle with the hugs if you asked for one. He probably wouldn't give you one without you asking. But if you're doing fine I feel like his hugs would get pretty aggressive.. like a classic tight bear hug.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?) This one has me a little stuck to, im in-between him saying it VERY fast and him not saying for a long time. I feel like he would maybe wait for you to say it first. Its like the whole hug situation, if you do it first he will follow.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?) Oh, this guy is JEALOUSSS!! IF he sees someone look at you just a little weird he will freak the fuck out. Expect to see that person on the news tomorrow. But i do feel if you told him to stop being so jealous or that his jealousness made you feel a little iffy he would try to tone it down jus for you. He would definitely still feel all those possessive emotions though.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?) This guys a sucker for kisses, He loves kissing your forehead specifically. He will kiss anywhere and everywhere, he does not care. His kisses are for sure on the more passionate side (pulling hair into a kiss...WHO SAID THAT?!??!) He loves when you kiss him anywhere...his cheek is nice though.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?) Be ready to cook for this guy, and if you cant cook? I guess you have to figure something else out because 1. He cant cook, and 2. he refuses to do anything in the morning. He doesn't get much sleep, he usually comes home late at night or not even at night at all so once he wakes up from his sleep he might be a little grumpy, AND IF SOMETHING WAKES HIM UP THATS NOT NATURAL...oh he will be mas and pissy for the rest of the day.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?) I don't have a lot of write for this one, as I said he's not really home at night, so when he is its special and you better make the most of it!

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) Depends on the occasion, if its anniversary or a birthday he will go above and beyond for you. I mean this man could basically get you pretty much anything you wanted. But if its just some random date sure he would still try really hard to do anything you wanted but wouldn't go that hard into it if it wasn't a special event.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?) Defiantly hygiene, he just doesn't care. He would probably try a little harder with brushing teeth and washing hair when you start dating him just because you would force him to.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) all I can say is DOES. NOT. CAREE!!

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?) He feels incomplete always, maybe he would feel a little better and this probably isn't what anyone wants to hear but even after dating you he would probably have those same feelings about himself

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.) I HAVE PLENTY.

-Weirdly loves the sun and sunny days??

-Had A BUNCH of teeth problems growing up and kept every single type of braces he had

-He loves capri suns (dont ask)

-He hates any runny foods (eggs.)

Maybe i will make a whole other post about headcanons for him

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?) I was gonna remove this one, but I honestly just think I should say that I don't really think he would have a "turn off" from a person. Hes the last person to judge anything from anyone.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?) For sure talks in his sleep, I'm talking mumbling, rolling around, kicking all of it. Maybe he'll even sit up, say some creepy shit, then go back to bed and leave you confused and a little spooked. Then when you ask him about it he just says he doesn't remember doing that.

[dollypopup]

So, I wasn't gonna post anything about this, honestly, but because I was directly asked, here's my 2 cents!

First, I want to thank you for saying you trust me with this! I'm also on the ace-spectrum, and I'm a queer, bisexual woman, so I do have a lot of empathy with you and everyone else who was down for queer rep.

(Also, I do not have Anon turned on for my asks. I absolutely respect your privacy, but I've been harassed before, and if people want to come at me, they can do it with their whole chest. Similarly, if people want to come TO me, I'd love to be friends!) I want to start off with the fact that whilst I understand that you believe the article, I don't. Call it the skeptic in me, or my media literacy classes during my grad program or denial or what have you, but we live in a huge era of misinformation. A tabloid is not likely to be any kind of reliable source, and a random reddit user even less so. It's like making a balloon full of pudding and having a clown say it's helium. We're not going to know until the needle pops it. Surely, no one would ever lie on the internet.

That being said, as much as I yearned and wanted for Demi Colin to be confirmed, it's not set in stone, and so it couldn't have been taken away from us. Honestly, even being ace-spec, a lot of the HC of Demi!Colin started putting a bad taste in my mouth when I realized that a lot of this predominately cishet fandomw as doing it as a means of keeping Colin 'pure' for Penelope, and that struck me as incredibly acephobic. Sure, they were HCing him as one of us. . .but not because it fit with his character or provided a rich and interesting arc for him to explore, but more so that his identity was an extension of their hopes and wants for Penelope. It wasn't for him as a character, but for him as a prize. And that made me so very sad, so my dream of Demi!Colin died when I saw that happening so frequently. Us Demi and Ace folks deserved better than that, and we continue to.

Either way, I think you are absolutely allowed to feel your disappointment! This is a frustration safe zone! There was a lot of potential this season, especially for Colin, that I feel has been dropped. But even IF that article contains some truth (big, heavy IF). . .idk, I see it through the lens that lot of us Demi folks have had sex. Even no strings attached sex. I know I have. Was I disassociated from it for a lot of the time? Yeah. Was it satisfying? No. But did it happen? It did. I chose to take part in it, and they were experiences that helped me grow. And I am no less Demi for it! IF this article is true, instead of us freaking. . .I feel like it could tell us a lot about Colin's character.

He is a man who has had, largely, no good role models in his life. Not in this regard. Who does he have to guide him? Anthony? Literally said he should have taken Colin to brothels. Benedict? Hell, he had a threesome himself. Why wouldn't Colin be out here thinking 'This is what Men do, this is what my brothers do, why not?' Colin is young. He's 23 still trying to find himself. And the entire idea of 'oh, he's a nerd! no way he's had threesomes' lol, like nerds aren't kinky? Come on, I'm a nerd and I've done way more than people would assume I have. He was traveling for months, and I think this really isn't as huge a deal as we're making it out to be. I ship Polin exclusively, and I love the idea of them having their firsts together, but I'm also not angry otherwise. In my mind, he's still demi. Just like he'll always be ND, even if it isn't confirmed.

Sidenote, o want to touch on something that is somewhat unrelated to your post, but something I'm seeing a lot is the whole 'it's dehumanizing for him to watch two women!' or 'it's lesbian fetishization!'

from the very bottom of my heart, as a gay woman, people saying that can eat me. These are the same people who didn't care about any of our representation, before. They didn't care about having lesbian characters, didn't bring them up. Now that it affects their (largely) het pairing, and specifically Colin as a perfect prize in a pairing he has largely been denied a narrative within, we're talking pieces and pawns for their discontent? No, I refuse. There are legitimate criticisms that can and should take place about Bridgerton's lack of care toward wlw, and especially that our only representation may actually just be a lesbian performance for the sake of a threesome, but this is not a criticism on COLIN. It is a criticism on the PRODUCTION. Because if we had queer women in the series before, it wouldn't be an issue. However, I refuse to have my sexuality used as a 'ewwww gross! look what they're doing! isn't that soooo wrong?' gotcha moment by people who just don't like his character. If we're gonna have a conversation about it, we should have a conversation about it based purely on our actual desire to protect and care for queer women. Not using us as stepping stone soap boxes to prop up an argument.

Queer people are really done dirty in the Polin fandom, and this is proof of it. Demi!Colin is important to me, and he continues living on in my heart and my fics, and even if it turns out that he's fucked up and down the Amalfi coastline and watched live porn, that won't make him less demi to me, personally. Ace spec people's experience with sex is all unique, and honestly, watching seems very in line with Colin's character. I don't agree with peeps who call it weird or gross that he watches porn.

This is an incredibly puritanical fandom, and I find it more and more evident as I spend time in it. The entire 'suffering' 'penance' 'deserve her' 'grovel' train was already very clear in that regard, and then people only wanting Colin to be a virgin so he remained 'pure' and 'untarnished' (legit takes I had to read with my own eyeballs) for Penelope was so Catholic on main that it made me feel insane.

Us ace-spec peeps deserve to be and should have the space to be upset at any developments taking place! We also deserve to be free from people doing pseudo pearl clutching and hiding behind feminist and queer-friendly language to disguise that they're just upset that Colin is getting anything at all in his storyline that centers around him and his own discovery outside of Penelope. Even if he isn't a virgin, he can absolutely still be Demi, Anon! And I hope that brings you some comfort.

Am I a fan of the threesomes foursomes moresomes and live porn speculation? No, not particularly. Am I livid furious throwing up about it? Also no. This series has betrayed me and disappointed me in so many ways, but so has the fandom. I guess I'm accustomed to it, now. But I want to reiterate that we should not believe everything that is posted. Some rando on a reddit forum confirming a tabloid article does not investigative journalism and peer review and confirmed sources make.

But in the event that the season does disappoint and gives us some baffling storylines: this is where fanfic can be such a comfort. It's how a story lives on in perpetuity. I've written trans!Colin and queer!Colin and demi!Colin and virgin!Colin and bdsm!Colin and all sorts! We can give we everything we want. It's our playground and it's meant to be fun.

But over my dead body will I believe a Sun UK article lol

[kanerallels]

No no please I desperately want to hear your Bode opinions, I crave to know if anyone else has the same geek kind I do

Oh my stars Anon I got this ask and I am VERY pleased by it but also like. prepare for me to have an objectively wrong opinion here. It's not the, generally speaking, correct one, but it's just the one I have

Anyways I'm gonna put this under the cut because it's gonna get long and spoiler-ful but! Here are two posts that I think have amazing takes on the situation as well!

Post one

Post two

Let's start at the very beginning. It took me forever to actually get this game, and due to that fact and my lack of self control, I found out quite a few spoilers about the game. (not everything, but a lot of stuff.) This included Bode's betrayal

At first I was like, oh this random guy is gonna betray me! Guess I gotta prepare to be super ticked off for a little while since I always handle betrayal arcs in fiction like an adult (that's a lie. I do not handle betrayals in fiction well At All. Still getting over the Billy Russo situation in The Punisher and don't even get me started on season one of AOS-- both of which I also saw coming. I digress, but that was relevant)

But then. I started playing Coruscant. And Bode showed up

Logically, I was like "oh random dude who's gonna betray me-- better not get attached."

About ten or fifteen minutes later he was my (or Cal's, technically) new best friend. As you can see, it went really well (he was befriending BD too, okay???)

Okay rabbit trails aside-- I really, really liked Bode as a character. So much so that I kept forgetting that he was going to betray me, and that I shouldn't get too attached. I liked his ridiculous quips and his loyalty to Cal and the fact he kept calling him "brother" and his obvious and fierce love for his daughter and how much he shipped Merrical

So when he did turn evil... it hurt. A lot

Like I said, I don't handle these things well. And in a video game-- where I tend to project onto/pretend that I am the character-- it was just as bad, if not worse

And yet, despite all of that, despite everything he did to Cal and the crew, despite him killing Master Cordova and causing so many terrible things to happen. I couldn't really bring myself to hate him

For two reasons. Number one, if I let myself go down the road of actively hating a character like that, it will not go well. I speak from experience

And number two, Bode seemed to regret what he did. That scene right before the second Merrical kiss, on Jedha? He looked like he wanted to tell Cal, but (in his mind) knew he couldn't because he had to protect Kata above all else

On Nova Garon he called Cal his best friend, and he sounded so sad, like he knew he'd destroyed the relationship beyond repair

(we ain't touching on Bode on Tanalorr. Everything he did there was objectively terrible)

The point is... I get that Bode is supposed to be a bad guy, but I'm never gonna see him that way. I'm gonna see him as consumed by his own fear, so terrified at the idea of losing his family again (after all, the Jedi Order was his family first. Losing them, and then his wife? That's just trauma on top of trauma) that he will do LITERALLY anything and justify it with the fact that he's doing it for Kata

He's just so AFRAID. And fear leads to anger (which is a secondary emotion, as my mom likes to say. Anger never comes from nothing), which leads to the Dark side

And while there's part of me that still thinks that he was being an idiot about this whole situation (sir Tanalorr is a whole hecking planet?? Guarded by a freaking impassable nebula?? That's why you're here in the first place) the other part of me knows that when you're guided by that much fear, you're not thinking clearly

So yes, Bode did terrible things-- he killed Master Cordova. Indirectly, he caused Cere's death (which, unless I'm remembering wrong, which is totally possible, I don't think Cal blamed him for that? He seemed to blame Denvik-- but again, I could be wrong). He manipulated Cal and endangered his daughter with his rage on Tanalorr and nearly killed both Merrin and Cal and KRIFFING HIT MY BELOVED BD 1

But when I look at his motives? At first, I forgive him, because that's what I'm called to do. And at the point where he reaches no return, I just pity him

And honestly I think in the end that's where Cal ended up too? Like, he was obviously angry and hurt and going through a lot, but he did want to give him a second chance. And I think if Bode hadn't be so focused on what could happen and how he could possibly lose more family, he could have accepted that

But he didn't. Instead, he committed atrocities, and I do condemn what he did and how he handled the situation. It was wrong. But I'll always be more inclined to imagine the world where he did trust Cal, and got a second chance

But yeah, there are some of my extensive thoughts on Bode Akuna! There are a few more small things, that I may post about in the future-- but I'd LOVE to hear what your take on him is, Anon! Even if we disagree, I'm still very curious. Thank you very much for the ask, if you got this far, I appreciate you reading!

(TL;DR-- Bode Akuna did so many bad things but I do think he regretted them, no matter how much he justified them in his mind and to others. And I personally am forgiving him and imagining worlds where he made the right choice)

[celestie0]

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZS2RSBkv1/

Ellie I’m gonna cry I was never into any of this stuff until kickoff like the trajectory of my brain chemicals has just been manipulated by ur writing I’m so hyper fixated and ofc the reason I was reading fanfictions in the first place was bc I was victim to the gojo girl labotomising pandemic that came with jjk season 2 like after growing up and being out of anime and all for a good year and a half and then that happened so suddenly when I was literally reluctant and cynical in watching the season on a whim and next thing I knew I was deranged in my gojo/geto/satosugu obsession but girl if I had one wish and I’m being so fr rn like if it had a time limit and I couldn’t have a family discussion to deeply contemplate what would be the most worthwhile wish that they dictate to me, if an angel came down to me and I had like 10 minutes and I had something in my system so I don’t freak tf out and I’m feeling chill and don’t think about being selfish then you’d think I’d wish for gojo to come to life and fuck me into the earth but the logistics of that are fucked so I’m pretty decided that I’d either wish for kickoff gojo to be my bf irl or to be y/n in kickoff and be written by you <3

moral of the story now I love ur fic and version of the characters more than the actual series

I’ve used my sign off too often I hope this isn’t annoying or creepy im just going into college/uni next year and I have a lot of dreams and aspirations so ig kickoff rlly resonated with me in that way

this isn’t the fat ask that’s pending hehe I just wrote this sitting on the doorstep of my house with my shoes still on cause I just got home

imma need a good relaxed night to get that down but I’m sorry I didn’t offer my support earlier I’m glad sm people did bc even though my possessive nature makes me think I’m ur biggest fan the truth is a lot of people are as taken by you and ur work as I am, I just should of typed up something on the matter as soon as I saw ur post but I rlly wanted to put thought into it and any kind of writing is a real chore for me so I’m waiting until I have that down time

ik it’s not much to anticipate but it’s important to me lol I wanna be here for u along with the many other anons

also that TikTok was random but this Olympic lovey doveyness is making me sick while im in such a state

this was never suppose to be this long I belong in yap jail

-spinster anon or wtv

AW SPINSTER ANON!! THAT'S SO SWEET PLEASE!! OF ALL THE WISHES YOU COULD HAVE!!! (yes def look out for your family first though xd...although i can't lie and say i wouldn't at least THINK about wishing for gojo to come to life and put me in a mating press)

TO SAY YOU LOVE THEM MORE THAN THE ACTUAL SERIES CHARACTERS i'll sob stop. and aww i'm so glad kickoff is resonating w you as you start your journey to college!! that's really why i started writing it. there was so many things i wish i had done differently and also so many things i think i took for granted in college, but also so much to celebrate and find joy in! it's hard especially when you don't quite know who you are or what you want and yea i think that's kind of a theme in kickoff, and will be through to the end, but anywho i'm like being very preachy rn haha i wish you best of luck in starting college <3

and aw that's sweet bb thank you, i appreciate you. honeslty the thought enough and to know you love my works is so much support enough!! :'') i appreciate you. and yes that olympic couple was sooo cute i love the way he just picked her up how cute.

[what-gs-watching]

"If you have to ask, you're streets behind."

Welp. This week on What G's Watching: comfort shows.

Because gang, I got (somewhat surprisingly) laid off yesterday. Internal politics, blah blah blah, a lot crying, a lot of beautiful messages from coworkers, some insomnia, more crying, cleaning random things, turning my airpods up as high as they go and screaming through playlists. You get it. 

So if I thought I was watching everything before, just kidding. It's about to get so much worse. Which means, right now, I need comfort shows.

Today's comfort show highlight? Community. A pure and beautiful masterpiece.

Here's the thing: I watched Community from the beginning. Like, when it started airing weekly on NBC in 2009. From the very first episode. Because I'm ancient. I was a fan of Joel McHale from Talk Soup (oh yeah, we're going back that far) and I would have watched him in anything, so I was down for a show about a community college, hell, I'd even gone to one for a little bit.

But it's so much more than that. It's hilarious and real and way too meta for most people and all of the characters are imperfect and ridiculous and some of the plots are so dumb, but it makes you feel things. 

The overall point of the show was that Jeff was a lawyer who lied about having a bachelor's degree and got caught so he goes Greendale Community College to replace it. He lies about having a spanish study group to hook up with a blonde in his class - Britta - and ends up creating an actual study group with the help of Abed, who I'm not gonna lie, might be my favorite character. 

Group of the usual suspects, right: 

- Jeff is the handsome manipulative one (I'm still not quite sure why Joel McHale is handsome, like, its WEIRD but I'm here for it)

- Britta starts out as a chick in her late 20's who maybe got lost along the way and was trying to clean her life up and then she kind of becomes a caricature of herself later on, but it works

- Shirley's a mom going through a divorce, wanting to start her own business

- Pierce is a rich old guy that's been going to Greendale for years just for something to do (Chevy Chase returning to TV, which sounds great but then it gets weird behind the scenes)

- Abed is sweet and magical and likely on the spectrum (and the best unreliable narrator)

- Troy is a former high school football star that suffered an injury (he's Childish Gambino! Before anyone knew he was Childish Gambino! But he will ALWAYS be Troy to me)

- Annie is young and a perfectionist and a control freak who had a pill addiction that landed her there (Allison Brie becoming Allison Brie)

and it starts out as you would assume it should, but it gets unexpectedly hilarious. And I give that credit to Dan Harmon. For his flaws, Dan Harmon is a tortured genius and I will, and mostly do, watch anything that man is involved in. He puts shit in your face that you never wanted but in a way that makes you laugh out loud and then hurt a little bit, for a while. 

Honestly the charm of the show comes from the fact that it never truly takes itself seriously. Abed relates to the world through media (hi it's me, I'm the problem, it's me) and he insists time and again that they're in a tv show. Episode about everyone turning into Zombies because of tainted food at the Halloween dance? Completely plausible. 'Bottle' episode because Annie lost a pen and she can't fucking take it anymore, someone must have stolen it? Yes. Series-running story about the "Ass Crack Bandit" that drops a quarter on you when you least expect it, resulting in one of the best episodes of the later seasons? 100%. 

Abed deciding that by rolling a dice to see who goes down to get the pizza being delivered, six different timelines are being created? That one will knock you on your fucking ass. And it makes no sense, but it really, really does. 

This show has given me a lot of random things that still rattle around in my brain, even now N rewatches deep. Way back when offices were a thing, I'd once shouted "BOOKS!"when it was particularly quiet and a single engineer stood up across the room and just pointed at me, incredulous. After that he and I didn't stop terrorizing the entire team with random quotes. I still find myself humming 'Daybreak' (IYKYK). Yesterday while I muddled through my feelings I started yelling "I'm high as hell and I'm about to get SHOT!" It's infectious, it gets in your bones.  

The best part of course is the relationships, complicated but sweet and endearing. Troy and Abed form a friendship that makes me sad almost because it's childish and pure for a while and it does (what I think, I'm not an expert though so who knows) a pretty good job of portraying the bond that can come out of accepting someone on the spectrum wholly and fully. 

They build a blanket fort. They pretend to have their own morning tv show (🎶Troy and Abed in the mornnnniiiing 🎶). They dress up in coordinated Halloween costumes. They get obsessed with Inspector Spacetime (we're gonna get to Doctor Who, I promise). They spout off the best random Spanish rap and create 'Baby Boomer Santa'. They invent the Dreamatorium. They pillow fight for hours because they think if they stop, their friendship will end. 

The two of them desperately make you wish you had a friend like that in your early twenties to just get real WEIRD with, because they'd always go along with it and have your back no matter what. I still, very much, want to build a blanket slash pillow fort half as majestic. (Which, maybe I should. I have a fuck ton of time right now.)

Honestly, Community is one of those things I sometimes measure people against. Seen it and loved it? You rank a little bit higher with me. Season 4's your least favorite? it's okay bud, we all agree. You wanna use your name in poorly concocted puns? That's you're i-dean-tity, I'm with it. You found something that's streets ahead? YES. Be my best friend.

I know a lot of people feel a certain way about Friends, like, oh they're the friends everyone wishes they had, but I'm sorry. No. The friends you wish you had are the Greendale Seven. And there's too many moments and too much to go into here, but you need to trust me on that. Because they're all just flawed people trying to do better in a flawed place that manifests a little bit of the mania we all feel. And it lets you feel it, but it always wraps you up safe at the end. Jeff always brings it home with a perfect Winger speech. And sometimes I really wish life was a little bit more like that. Because sometimes we suffer a fucking gas leak year in our existence, sometimes it's like that, and it'd be nice if everyone just shrugged that off, if everyone just accepted the fact that we're all flawed, selfish people is actually a strength. 

At one point in the first season, Abed gets obsessed with "The Cape" (which was a real show, y'all) and he's skulking around in this ridiculous get-up and Jeff yells "That show's gonna last three weeks!" and while Abed runs off he yells "SIX SEASONS AND A MOVIE!"

During the show's run, #sixseasonsandamovie became a mantra, because it was always on the brink of cancellation - season six was revived by Yahoo Stream, which isn't even a thing anymore - and I still think about that when I want something to last. I want #sixseasonsandamovie for everything that I love. I want everything to have that little bit of magic and faith. 

I started my latest rewatch a couple of weeks ago, compelled to seek out the comfort for some reason, my brain trying to tell me something was wrong. My brain had been right. So yesterday I eventually climbed into bed with puffy eyes and I got back into season five. I'm already into the part where the show starts to dismantle a bit (the second half of season 5 and all of 6 are distinctly different but still perfect), and that makes sense for me right this second, it's fitting. Sometimes things fall apart. Sometimes people leave. Sometimes you have to clone yourself in a game of 'the floor is lava' so you can properly say goodbye. 

I'll finish it again in the next couple of days I'm sure, and I'll put it down for a while (until the next time my brain is trying to tell me something). But I'll be thankful I had something to turn to while I attempted to sort myself out. 

Greendale is always the perfect place to sort yourself out. 

[hollowedwing]

Isekai-ed into Hawk's Life

Hawks x gn!winged!Reader

Warnings: ⚠️ Death!(at very beginning, it is an isekai), mentions of death throughout, some angst(??maybe not yet??), slight cursing

THIS WILL NOT FOLLOW A SPECIFIC TIMELINE IN THE MANGA

(so sorry i just, love, love, the idea of having wings)

(this is all my art, it is on IG, im just too embarrassed for people who know me irl to potentially find this xD Even though none of them have tumblr 👀 if you somehow recognize it...props to you?)

_________________________________

tbh, I can’t decide if I want this to have more than 1 part. 

Word count: ~1,800

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You were on your way home from a long evening at your part time job. Before that you had already taken 2 finals that morning too.

You dragged your feet, exhausted, as you headed towards the crosswalk. Stopping at the edge as the traffic light turned green, you decided to pull out your phone and decided to watch a speed paint from your favorite artist who recently released a new video.

It just so happened it was a Hawks speed paint 👀

The light turned red and you slipped your phone into your pocket as your started to make your way across the street

little did you know this would be the last time you'd cross the street

A wild driver came barreling down the road, no regards for civilians or traffic lights, probably drunk or high or just someone out for blood.

You stood there like a deer caught in headlights as your life flashes before your eyes

You can barely comprehend what's happening as you felt pain engulf your body and suddenly you were unconscious

________________________________________

Keigo tiredly stumbled into his large apartment, kicking off his shoes and shrugging his jacket off by the door

He wants nothing more than to just flop down and pass out. The HPSC has been giving him hell lately about god knows what.

He let out a long sigh and headed towards the bathroom to do his nightly routine

As he finishes up, he drags his feet towards his bed and flops down face first into the comfort of his pillow and sheets

Keigo falls asleep almost instantly after getting into a comfortable position, worn out from a long day of work

What he wasn't expecting was a loud "thud!" coming from the main room. He jolts up from his bed, feathers ready to attack.

*******

Reader's pov(?)

*******

You groaned as you hit the floor. Your head was spinning and it feels like a truck just hit you

oh wait...

You suddenly became more alert, looking around in a panic, expecting to either be on the road and injured or in a hospital of sorts. What you didn't expect was a wooden floor inside of a random apartment.

You felt around your body for any signs of injury, but all you found were a set of wings on your back- wings?? Hold up. Why did you feel wings what kind of sick joke was this?

Your thoughts were racing as your breathing picked up. What was happening? Didn't you just get hit by a vehicle? Why are there wings in your back? Where are you even?

Feeling around in your pockets, you found your phone and whipped it out, trying for anything. You turned it on, the harsh light of it illuminating your face, you tried to send a text to your best friend, but alas, it wouldn't go through. Actually nothing on your phone seemed to work. You checked your location settings, for some reason it said Musutafu, Japan.

Wasn't....Wasn't that the location that most of Boku no Hero Academia took place?? This can't be right, this has to be a dream right? There's no way that you could have actually ended up here unless...

Then it hit you.

You read your fair share of isekai series back when you were alive in your realm. Mostly manhwas of characters getting reborn into another person's body, but, never actually reincarnating as yourself into another world.

That was the only thing you could think of. You must have been reincarnated into the Boku no Hero Academia world. Except as yourself.

In all honesty, this is not how you thought you'd go out. You didn't know what to expect after death, but this definitely wasn't it. After all, this was a fictional setting, wasn't it?

Well, not anymore because now you're living in it! Smh.

That would also probably explain the wings on your back. This was you now. You have a bird quirk.

Now, all you have to do, is figure out where the heck you are.

Just as you are about to stand up, feathers zip towards you, pinning you to the ground

You hear footsteps begin to come towards you. You don't know if you should be scared for your life considering you've already died once or ecstatic because, you knew for a fact, this could be none other than Hawks' apartment.

The winged hero finally emerges and stares down at you, crossing his arms over his chest.

He says in a low, gravely voice from sleep, "Who are you, and how did you get into my home?" You stare back up at him and nervously chuckle.

"I'm not sure you'd believe me if I told you." You nervously sigh out.

"Try me." He demands, sounding a little more irritated now. You sigh in defeat and start to explain your situation.

"Do...do you know what an isekai is?" You said sheepishly while turning your gaze away from his. He kind of gave you a confused head tilt and just a vibe that said “No”. You sigh again and explain it to the best of your ability. Hawks becomes more and more interested and confused as you talk, but nods a long slowly. 

“So...you were reborn here, but as yourself? Wait- does that mean you died before!?” He asked, disbelief and fear ran through his eyes. You looked at him in bitter amusement.

“Apparently I did. The last thing I remember of my world was getting hit by some truck or car. The dude clearly did not know how to drive. I had the right of way I was pretty sure at least. I mean, the light was red, usually that means pedestrians can cross the street? And plus he was going wayyy over the speed limit,” you begin to ramble on, the reality of actually dying setting into you. Hawks noticed the panic beginning to set into you and released you from his feathers. He crouched down next to you and grabbed your shoulders gently.

"Hey, hey, hey, look at me, you're ok now, right? You're here, and not dying in the middle of the street still. You're here. In Musutafu," he said trying to calm you back to reality. Well, what was your new reality. Your mind was racing. Trying to put together a coherent thought. 

You look up to him, with a panicked look still in your eyes, thoughts started to come out of your mouth as your brain was trying to catch up with the situation. "I'm... I'm in Boku no Hero Academia and, and you’re Keigo... standing... right in front of me..I have wings. I have wings? Jeezus I have fucking wings. And I’m dead in my own world. I don’t know anyone, well, wait, technically, I do know people, just-Oh gods! I’m so sorry, that name slipped out! I- I, I’m really sorry Hawks." Even in your wild state, you noticed Hawks tense up at the sound of being called Keigo by a total stranger, and were able to get out an apology. That was progress? You were slowly coming back to reality.

Hawks froze up a bit at the sound of hearing his real name mentioned. At first he wasn't sure if he believed your tale of the isekai situation, but after this he might have to reconsider it. He opted to shake off that weird feeling for now and focus on different matters. 

" I-I don't know what I'm supposed to do now? I have nowhere to go or to stay. I'm in a whole different freaking universe! My phone doesn't even hardly work here. And I have a pair of wings on my back!" You puffed them out angrily. Hawks glanced behind you and his eyes widened a little. You in fact, did have a set of bird wings. Kind of owl like wings. Not near as big as Hawks', but definitely big enough to fly you around.

Before Hawks could process the words coming out of his mouth, he was already asking you, "Would you maybe like to stay with me? I can help with your quirk too." He glanced away awkwardly. You looked towards him in disbelief.

"Dude, are you sure? We literally just met like 10 minutes ago? I mean, I'm all for it, I have nowhere else to turn to, but if you really really don't want me here, I will politely step out of your life." You so badly wanted to accept his offer on the spot, but being the considerate, mostly sensible human you were, you gave him the option to back out. Hawks shook his head.

"No, no, it's alright. You can crash here. Uh- I mean- stay here! Sorry!" You giggled at his comment.

"Well thank you very much!"

"It's all good. I have a spare bedroom you can occupy for the time being. I'll give you some clothes to sleep in that'll hopefully fit. Accidentally bought a couple things in the wrong size without looking. " (a/n: just...just assume its your size, or oversized, whatever's comfy idk) He jumped up and headed towards his room to grab you the clothes. You still sat on the floor. Still amazed at everything that was occurring.

Hawks walked back into the room and tossed you the clothes. "Hey uh, you know, you can get up now, sorry for holding you down earlier.."

You blushed and scrambled to stand up, "Oh no! It's ok! I understand. This would definitely warrant that kind of action. Some random stranger crashes into your apartment at like 1am. I completely understand. Honest."

He let out a small laugh and wearily brushed his fingers through his hair. The adrenaline of everything finally wearing off. He could feel the tiredness setting into his aching muscles again. “Ah, well, I’m going to head to bed now. The room is down the hall at the very end that you can stay in. I’ll take you out training tomorrow evening if that’s alright?”

You gave a nod of understanding and followed him down the hallway. “Goodnight Hawks,” you sang as he walked into his bedroom. He gave a hum of acknowledgment and closed his door. 

Making it into what was now your room, you changed out of your clothes so fast, eager to rid yourself of the past hours events. 

Not gonna lie, you could not figure out how to properly get your new wings into the shirt, even with the holes and snaps in the back. Your mind was too exhausted to even process this new skill. So you ended up going to bed without the shirt on and just settled for putting the sweatpants on. 

You figured it’d be good to just pass out asap. You were sure if you tried to recount the recent events, you’d spiral into a panicked mess. 

You shut your eyes tightly, willing yourself to sleep, trying to only think of positive outcomes for the future. But to be honest, you didn’t know enough about anything in this realm to think rationally about anything good. 

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I prooobably didn’t proofread this as much as I should have

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

big brother to the rescue.

BEN MILLER

TRIPLE FRONTIER. ┃ USEFUL LINKS.

❝ request by @meteora-fc: hello hello! hope you're doing well :) i was thinking about a ben miller fic where when they're in the bar towards the beginning the reader is there with her friends and the boys push benny to talk to her bc he's getting distracted from conversation by her across the place. thanks a ton 💖

❝ words: about 1.6k.

❝ a / n: if you'd like to read a second part, lemme know! don’t forget to comment and reblog if you liked it, i’d really appreciate it!

“C’mon, little brother. She’s been looking at you the whole night”. Will says palming his back, after catching him distracted for the third time.

“Go, before I do”. Frankie challenges him with a petty smile, knowing it’s going to be enough to force the boxer to take the step.

Taking a deep, deep breath, finding in that gesture the encouragement he needs, Benny goes straight to you, waiting for the bartender to serve you another beer.

At first, you don’t notice his presence, until the unknown guy stops by your side leaning too over the bar. You two cross your gazes, sharing a soft smile that makes your knees tremble. The blonde looks really good, but for some reason, you have the feeling that he could be an idiot, so when he throws at you one of those horrible pickup lines, you can’t help but roll your eyes.

“I’m gonna give you advice. Don’t hit a girl like that”. You just reply with a chuckle, referring to his words.

“I’m more into hitting men”.

For a second, where you were about to leave with your drink, you squint at him having a sip and trying to understand the meaning of his affirmation.

“I box, professionally”.

“Oh…” You nod your chin, puckering your lips, showing him that this fact doesn’t impress him at all. “Congrats. Good luck in your next fight”.

Not giving him the chance to continue the talk, you come back to your table under the attentive looks of your friends, who are laughing at the poor guy and the gesture on his face. His brothers, on the other hand, have slapped their faces whilst shaking their heads disappointed. As soon as Benny joins him, Santi slaps the back of his neck, causing him to choke in his beer.

“There must be something wrong with my eyes, ’cause I can’t take them off you? Really, Benny? Really?”

The guys are laughing when Pope repeats his sentence, as Will puts an arm over his shoulders. “You’re lucky to have me… Big brother to the rescue”.

Anna nudges you, making you turn on your stool to watch a second guy walking towards you, very secure of himself. The only thing you wanted tonight was to have fun with your friends and seems it’s not going to be an option. Crossing a leg over the other and nailing an elbow on the table, resting your chin on your palm, you force a smirk when he offers you a kind smile.

“Good nights, ladies, sorry to interrupt. William, a pleasure”.

The man holds your free hand without asking for it to stretch it. Firmly. Like only a soldier would do —as your father does. He turns for a second to his friends, laying his oceanic and hypnotic eyes on you with a charming and funny grimace on his face.

“Sorry ‘bout my brother, you know... too many punches”. He has captivated your friends, who are gasping for him and the honeyed tone he’s using, covered by a raspy voice. “He has watched you looking at him and he was nervous, but he’s not a bad guy. Just a little asshole. But he’s worth it, believe me”.

“Okay”. You reply slowly, raising an eyebrow earning your attention little by little.

“He has begged me to not come, but I think you’re too smart to not have a date with him”.

“Your brother was right, you didn’t have to come. And you’re wrong, more or less. I’m very smart, but having a date with him doesn’t seem a very intelligent idea”.

“Got it. But he’ll be waiting for you at seven in Kaleo’s, tomorrow night”. A negative it’s not an option to the soldier, showing you his perfect white teeth in a huge smile clapping his hands before leaving. “Good night, ladies. Have a good time”.

Since last night, you've been debating with your friends if you should go to the date just to prove both men were wrong. Lucy would call you crying if you text her in case the guy is another idiot.

The first test is to see if he'd wait for you, arriving thirty minutes later than the hour William told you. Your heart can't help but race a little when you find the blonde boxer sitting on the hood of a black Mustang, in front of the restaurant. Wearing a white t-shirt and black jeans, he has both legs crossed and his hands laced over his lap. Head bowed down and a sigh escaping his lips as he checks the clock on his wrist. Poor guy, he's thinking you are not going to come.

You send a picture of him to the chat group where your friends are asking you if he's still there and, in less than a second, you receive a bunch of heart emojis from all of them. Keeping your phone in a pocket, as you tuck in your hands too, you begin to walk towards him. Step by step. Taking your time with a soft smirk curving your lips as you come closer and closer. Watching him texting someone too, you roll your eyes, imagining it's to some random chick to hang out with, due you have stood him up. Until you're almost leaning above his shoulder and you see he's texting his brother —who is very interested in knowing if you're there or not. You melt as he replies: “amma wait another thirty minutes, maybe there's traffic”.

“You can say to your brother I'm here”. You whisper into his ear, taking him by surprise and causing the boxer to jump off from the hood.

“Oh, fuck. You scared the shit outta m— Where you readin' my phone?”

“Nah, I've some witch in me”. You lie terrible, feeling goosebumps on your arms when his gesture changes suddenly.

A grin like a Cheshire cat decorates his face, offering you his phone as he pressed the small microphone in the bottom right corner.

“Hey, big brother, I came. I hope you weren't wrong”.

“I'm Ben, by the way”. He introduces himself as keeping his phone in a pocket, to offer you his right hand.

“(Y/N)”. You stretch it then, feeling a little nervous at his touch.

“So, this is the plan. We have a beer, and if you think I'm a freak, you can run away before dinner. No questions, no explanations. You just… leave”.

God, that's really sweet. He's nervous too and you can see in his blue eyes how scared he is if you really decide to disappear.

“Deal”. You accept, tilting your head to the restaurant.

A couple of minutes later Ben is sitting in front of you and the first thing that captivates your attention is the fact that he doesn't put his phone on the table. Living in the technology era, everybody keeps an eye on their devices. Constantly. But he's not like everybody. He wants to talk. Know about you. What you do in your free time, what you do for a living, what unveils you at night… And you talk for hours.

Ben tells you what pushed him to be in the army, why he decided to dedicate his life to boxing and he also jokes about how you could fix him up after his fighting. Something like a plan of the future. Together. As friends —as he points out to not make you feel uncomfortable, thinking that he is forcing you to have a relationship. You also discover that your taste in music and movies are very similar, just like your hobbies. And that makes you think about the fact that William will tell you “I wasn't wrong”.

The boxer gladly takes you home, not stopping your chat even when one of the two of you doesn't know what to say, Benny has shown you in some way he enjoys too much the sound of your voice though —how it goes a little higher when you're excited about something, how your throat vibrates when you laugh. And he's falling in love with the disgusted tic that wrinkles your nose when you don't like something, in a funny gesture.

You would die for staying together a little more, but you have obligations to attend tomorrow and your friends haven't ceased sending your texts asking you how it's going. As Ben stops his car next to your house, you sigh not knowing what to do —if just say bye, thank you, ask for his number, kiss him? Yes, you'd like to kiss him right now, but what does it say about you? Should you wait until the second date?

“Got a fight tomorrow night if you're free”. His proposition pushes you back to reality, turning at him on your seat while resting a shoulder against it. “You can invite your friends, mine will be there”.

“Your brother too?” You ask giggling, noticing the change on his grimace to somewhat underwhelmed because of your interest.

“Yeah, he will come”. Ben mumbles pressing his lips after nodding briefly.

“Ugh… Is he the kind of person who has fun saying I told you?”

Ben's gesture suddenly changes again. The shine in his blue deep eyes reappears and you provoke him a strong laugh when you furrow your nose like he literally adores.

“You've had a good night then?”

“Yes”. You don't hesitate to respond, leaning towards him to press your lips on his cheek with a loud kiss.

“See? He told you”. Ben can't help but make fun of you, earning a soft punch to his shoulder that makes him laugh one more time. “It's in the Holou gym, at seven”.

“Okay, I'll not forget it”. You reply, taking your phone and setting an alarm an hour before starting to have time to get ready. “Good night, Ben”.

“Good night, (Y/N)”.

GENERAL TAG LIST: @mayans-sauce @peoniarose @destynelseclipsa @band-psycho @myakai13 @petlaufeyson @-im-fantastic- @horsesandwolvesaremyanimals @rocketqueen @rosieposie0624 @ellyseveronica @jessprins13 @diaryofkali @ravenmoore14 @starrynite7114 @kenbechillin @miahelen @monkeyluver4546 @sheeshgivemeabreak @jadesamhart @rawrlittlepanda-95 @megapeacelovemusic-blog @katsav17 @skits90s @wildsould1221

TRIPLE FRONTIER: @phoenixhalliwell @goldielocks2004 @pedritomando @spideysimpossiblegirl @im-an-adult-ish @chibsytelford

[thatsgay-writes]

Flashback 1

PREVIOUS

"Y/n! Come on your gonna be late for practice." Your older brother yells up the stairs to you. "I'm coming!" You yell back as you jump over the last step and run to the door. "Okay I'm ready to go." You say seriously as you look up at your brother. "Shin guards?" "Check." "Cleats?" "Check." "Water?" "Check." "Snacks?" "Oh my gosh, check! I have everything I swear!" You say as you push your brother.

Your brother... Elijah. Two years older than you, second year of college, and the only person you could trust. Elijah had basically raised you growing up. Your mom and dad were never home and when they were, they always had something to say negatively to you or about you. "You're grades are terrible. Have you always looked like that? Disgusting. I should have aborted you when I had the chance." And many other things would get thrown your way when the two of them were home. You were just glad that they provided a stable income so they couldn't get on your case about something else.

You hop into the passenger seat of Elijah's car and buckle up ready to go. Elijah backs out of the driveway and starts down the road. "You need a ride after practice?" You blush at your brother's question. "No Toni said she would walk me home." Your brother smirks at you. "The same Toni who you've had a crush on since freshmen year." You rolls your eyes and punch your brother's shoulder. "Shut up..." "Hey man don't hit the driver! Or I'll pull over and let you walk the rest of the way." Elijah says jokingly. You smile at him and roll your eyes. "Whatever."

*After Practice*

"Where the hell is Toni?" You ask yourself as you wait in the back parking lot. You see a random car you've never seen pull up into a parking spot and stop. No one gets out of the car and that sparks your curiosity. You crane your head some to see who was in the car and your heart breaks. Toni was in there swapping spit with the new girl Regan. You look away and start walking as soon as you see them start to remove each other's shirts. You knew that you and Toni hadn't talked about it but you thought the two of you were exclusive, dating even. You had turned down girls because Toni would get jealous when you got flirted with and try to fight them.

You shake your head and let a few tears out as you walk around the side of the building. Even if you weren't dating, she forgot about you and that's probably what hurt the most. You grab your phone and call Elijah. "Hey Y/n! You and Toni get tired of walking?" You can hear the smile in his voice. You sniffle a little and Elijah is immediately concerned. "Y/n? What happened?" "She..." You take a deep breath. "She forgot about me and, and..." "Hey c'mon take a deep breath before you get a panic attack or something." You nod your head, even though he can't see you, and take a deep breath. "She was fucking some other girl." "But I thought y'all were like dating?" You take a deep breath and let out a fake laugh. "Yeah so did I. I guess only one of us was allowed to fuck around. Can you just come pick me up? Please?" You hear keys jingle in the background and hear Elijah moving. "Of course I'm on my way."

You stood outside for about an hour wondering where Elijah was. "Where the hell is he?" You wonder as you shake some from the cold. You feel arms wrap around you and you get a whiff of Toni's cologne. You almost relax into her grip until you remember what you had witnessed. You almost immediately back out of her hold and turn around with your arms crossed. "What are you doing?" Toni asks in confusion. "Oh no, you don't get to play that innocent bullshit with me." Toni looks at you even more confused and you just roll your eyes. "What time were we supposed to meet to walk home?" Toni looks at the clock on her phone and tenses. "Two hours ago..." "Exactly, where the fuck have you been?" Toni rubs the back of her neck nervously, "I was just..." "Don't even try and lie to me." You say as you realize she was stalling and it made you mad. "What kind of shit are your trying to play Toni? Huh? Another girl shows interest in me and you go bat shit crazy and threaten to beat her the fuck up. But you can go around and fuck some other bitch? How the hell does that make sense!" You yell at her.

"Listen, Y/n... I'm sorry. I really do..." You hold up your hand to cut her off. "No, just stop whatever explanation your trying to make up. We have been in this weird dating but not dating parallel thing for almost 6 months! I've been patiently waiting for you to finally just ask me to be your girlfriend cause whenever I ask for more you say no. What am I to you? Just some play toy or some shit?" You say getting up in Toni's face making her mad. Out the corner of your eye you see Toni's hand curl up into a ball. You raise an eyebrow at her and make eye contact. "What are you gonna do Toni? You can't punch your way out of this one." Toni takes a deep breath trying to calm down. You actually think she does until she turns around and starts punch the fuck out the building wall.

"Toni! Stop!" You yell and grab her by the waist and pull her away from the wall. "Toni, fuck." You say as you notice her bloody knuckles. You don't let go of her waist as tears roll down her face and grab your phone. "Martha, hey... yeah, I need you to come get Toni... we're at school... She punched the hell out of a wall... yeah, yeah... okay bye." You go to put your arm back around her waist when your phone starts ringing. You groan and answer the phone. "Hello?" "Hello is this y/n?" "Umm, yeah who's asking?." "This is the NorthWestern hospital, you are listed as the emergency contact under Elijah Woods."

Your heart starts beating loud. "Elijah? What happened? Is he okay?" You ask, scared out of your mind. "We think it's best we tell you the news in person." You hang up the phone and almost immediately start panicking. Oh fuck it's bad, it's bad. You think as you unwrap your arms from Toni and hug yourself. Toni notices the sudden change in your mood and immediately turns around to catch you as you collapse into her arms. "Y/n? What happened?!" Toni asks worriedly. "It's Elijah... He's at the hospital."

*Time Skip*

Elijah was dead, gone. A drunk driver took his life in broad daylight. Who the hell even gets drunk during the day like that?! You stood to the side of the casket as it was being lowered to the ground. Your parents stood next to you, playing the role of grieving parents. You knew it would end as soon as you got in the car and were out of site from people. And you were right, the moment you got home your parents called some movers to clear out Elijah's room. You managed to grab his guitar from the case and switch it with yours before anyone could notice. You're parents would freak but it was something to help you remember him. You and Toni were officially done, after the phone call about your brother and the argument you texted her the next day that it was over and to lose your number. You hadn't seen her since then.

NEXT

[wolferals]

🌍parallel universes**🌍

arón piper imagine

!SEXUAL CONTENT!SMUT!

*

*

„Hey you." you greeted Arón the second you walked in the door and saw the handsome actor sitting on his bed busy with his phone. He looked up for a quick second and nodded at you. Apparently he was VERY busy.

You went straight to his kitchen after putting down your bag in his room to just grab a quick snack after class.

His kitchen was always super messy so you spend some good five minutes cleaning before you actually went on to make yourself a sandwich.

But as you looked into his fridge you figured, simple toast with jam would have to do. How did this guy not starve?

Then you grabbed your sandwich and walked back to his room where you sat yourself down next to him just to see what he had been up to. While eating your sandwich you were watching him scroll through twitter. All the posts were in Spanish so you didn't quite know what was going on but Arón seemed pretty stressed out about something.

„You okay?" you carefully asked and scanned his side profile. He didnt look at you, he just kept scrolling. You noticed his uneasiness. His left hand had grabbed the sheets rather roughly, you could see the veins on his hand popping out.

„Arón?" you asked again but didnt get a response at all.

You kept on watching him internally freak out for a couple of minutes until you were done and grabbed his phone and slammed it next to you on the mattress.

„Whats wrong?" You sounded pissed off but you were actually just concerned.

Arón leaned his head back against the wall before finally looking at you for the first time this afternoon. „I fucked up." he simply said and ran his hand through his curls.

You looked at him in confusion and then responded:"What happened? What did you do?"

He gave you a sad look. After, he took a deep breath and turned around to face you completely.

„When I was dating Juliana (sorry if thats your name), you remember? I sent her this one picture. Only one! And she leaked it and im fucked. Everyone saw it."

You could see the tears forming in his brown eyes.

„Okay." you spoke and grabbed his hand. „Dont worry! Its gonna be fine. Its just a damn picture. What exactly was on it? Your face too?"

He shook his head. „But my tattoos."

You breathed in heavily before continuing:"Its okay, Arón, really. Its just a picture. Doesnt say anything about you. They know you're not sending shit like that to random people."

He laughed a fake laugh and said:"Y/n its a fucking nude. Its my chest and my fucking dick. Do you think they're gonna forget about it? No."

You just looked at him for a while because you werent sure what to say.

„You have to ignore it. They will stop talking about it tomorrow because something else will be more interesting, thats how twitter works. Just calm down please."

He nodded slowly and took another deep breath.

„Just please dont go on Twitter and ignore anything related to that. I dont want you to see that."

You nodded understanding and pressed his hand a little tighter. „Its gonna be alright." you spoke quietly and pulled him in a tight hug. He seemed to appreciate it since he pulled you really close to his chest and placed his flat hand on the back of your head.

„You're a good girl." he whispered and dug his head in the crook of your neck. To be honest, not the smartest choice of words since all you were thinking of now was this picture.

But the way he said it sounded so innocent, he wouldn't have meant it to be dirty.

„You wanna watch a movie?" you suggested as you let go of him. „Hm. Im not really in the mood. Can we listen to some music por favor?" he pouted and looked at you with big eyes.

„Of course." you replied and lied down on your back.

He did the same and put his arm around you so he'd be more comfortable.

„You okay?" you asked once again after he was just staring at the ceiling for a moment.

Arón simply nodded, his eyes not leaving the wooden ceiling. It felt good to be with him. Alone for the first time in a while, it was always someone around, you never got to talk to him, only him.

You then decided to put on some comforting music to maybe calm him down a bit since he was so drained.

Over the course of the first 3 songs you guys were just laying there, no one said a word. Until Arón suddenly spoke up.

„Do you ever think about if theres another world somewhere where all the people we know, and us are different people? Maybe we're friends in this other universe, or we dont know we exist at all."

You turned your head in confusion to his sudden philosophy.

He turned his head as well and you both ended up looking deep into the others eyes.

„Maybe... maybe we're older in the other world. Maybe we're even a couple or married. Maybe we have kids together, got divorced after 10 years and now we only see each other because of the kids. And maybe you've had another guy after the divorce who's treated you better than me. Because I'm sure I'd be the reason for our divorce."

On the one hand you were touched by his cute words but on the other hand it made you laugh how deep he suddenly got, talking about the both of you being an old divorced couple.

„You're crazy." you grinned and looked back at the ceiling.

Slowly you closed your eyes and fully concentrated on the music.

It was silent for a bit until you heard his voice again.

„Maybe i messed up in the other universe, maybe the other Arón ended up alone because he missed his shot, maybe he didnt use the chance to kiss the other y/n when the perfect moment had come. You'd be happy with another man and I would regret not kissing you all my life."

You opened your eyes. Just to see his face inches away from yours.

None of you said a word.

You kept staring into his deep brown eyes while they got closer and closer. He carefully leaned in and you were more than ready to feel his kiss.

„May I?" he whispered against your lips.

With a little nod you accepted and a moment later you felt his plump lips softly pressing against yours.

You expected his kisses to be rougher but you loved the way he kissed you that moment.

The kiss didnt last long, he pulled away and leaned his forehead against yours.

„You're all Ive ever wanted y/n. And im sorry, if you dont feel the same way thats okay. I just didnt want to regret not doing it." he explained in a soft tone before looking at you again.

You didnt know what to think that second but all you knew was that your body craved him. Your soul was screaming for his touch.

So you did what you had to do.

You pulled him down on the back of his neck to kiss him a little harder this time. He seemed surprised but kissed back immediately. He made you feel alive again, after your last sad relationship you didnt want to be in love again. But this boy made you fly.

After making out for a bit, you wanted more. You tugged on his shirt, telling him to take it off. He pulled away quickly and looked at you. „Are you sure you want to do this?"

You just nodded, your body shaking from the inside. You wanted him to love you the way no one ever did before.

Arón skillfully tore off his shirt and threw somewhere in the room. He then carefully took of yours, looking down at you in awe. „Bonita." he whispered and started planting soft tender kisses on your collar bones, neck and your boobs.

„Joder." he cursed as he kept kissing down your exposed stomach.

You started moaning quietly when he reached the hem of your pants. „Can I?" he asked again.

It killed you how sweet he was. You always thought he'd be the kind of guy to rip your clothes off in a second and fuck you rough but he wasnt acting like that at all.

Slowly he slid your jeans down your legs and threw them on the floor. Afterwards he climbed back on top of you to kiss you softly again. You could feel the passion in the kiss.

„Are you ready?“ he whispered while grabbing a condom from his nightstand. Quickly you pulled down your panties and sat up so he could take off your bra for you.

„You‘re so beautiful.“ arón murmured and grabbed your boobs carefully just to place a kiss on your lips again.

„Lie down bebe.“

You did as he said and lied down on your back. You looked up at him with lustfilled eyes. He looked so beautiful kneeling inbetween your legs, in just his boxers. His abs were glistening in the light and his curls were falling perfectly on his forehead.

You just waited for him to start you didnt notice that he took off his underwear meanwhile.

„Ready?“ he asked again and looked down at your exposed body while he was holding his surprisingly big dick in his right hand.

You nodded and couldnt stop staring at his cock that was already leaking precum into the condom.

„Alright babe.“

You were so horny by now you couldnt wait to feel him inside of you.

Slowly and very carefully he pushed his length in your pussy. You hadnt had sex in a long time so it did hurt a little bit. But nothing you couldnt handle.

He was staring into your eyes while his dick drove further into you inch by inch.

„estás bien?“ he whispered and held onto your waist.

With a simple nod you agreed.

„Can I move, does it hurt?“

You sat up a little bit. „Yeah you can move. Its okay.“

He lied fully on top of you just to see you closer.

„If it hurts tell me.“

You nodded yet again.

And then he pulled out an inch just to push his dick back inside of your walls. And it felt so damn good.

He continued in a slow pace and you softly moaned out. But eventually you needed more and told him.

„More.“

He grinned and started fucking you faster. Your eyes rolled back into your skull and you moaned our.

„Yes please.“ Arón grabbed your left hand just to place it next to your hand, intertwining your fingers.

„You‘re perfect.“ he groaned while his thick cock was pistoning in and out of you.

With a moan you replied to his statement.

„Baby you feel so good.“ he moaned out loudly. Very loud to be specific. His deep raspy voice threw you over the edge. Your back arched, your eyes rolled back and a loud high pitched moan left your mouth.

„Cum for me baby.“ he encouraged your orgasm and placed kisses on your neck as it hit you like a wave.

He really did make you feel like you were in heaven.

„Im close too honey. Ride me please.“ he suddenly begged after you had calmed down from your orgasm.

You just nodded and watched him pull out and you both switches positions. Carefully you sat on his dick and leaned forwards to hold onto him.

„Hmm fuck so pretty.“ he moaned and bit his lip when you slowly started bouncing up and down his thick shaft.

This angle made it possible for him to go even deeper.

„Bebesita. Faster por favor.“ he groaned and threw his head back. You tried to fuck his dick as fast as you could, just making yourself moan out loud.

Arón had grabbed onto your waist with one hand, and bit his other hand to stop himself from screaming out loud.

You could hear his muffled moans which only encouraged you to go even faster.

„Baby fuck im gonna...“ he tried to speak but his high was faster and his hips started to twitch and his mouth fell open.

A long deep scream left his mouth the second his orgasm hit him. You could feel his hot cum fill up the condom inside of you and it satisfied you to the max.

His body sank down into the mattress again and all you could hear was his hard breathing and your own heartbeat.

Without saying a word, you got off of him and lied down with your head on his chest and his arm around you.

He breathed out loudly and turned his head to face you.

„Joder.“ he laughed still out of breath. You smiled at him and replied:“I know.“

He pulled your sweating bodies closer together before pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

„Thank you.“ you smiled at him.

„What for?“ he looked at you in confusion.

„For kissing me.“

He laughed, grabbed your face and kissed your lips once again.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Sixty-Six

Words: 5k

Warning(s): explicit language, violence, mentions of drug abuse

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"Are you okay?" I ask Duff as we stand in the elevator of the Playboy office in Chicago where many of their photoshoots are held.

I’m actually thanking God we’ve managed to get this far without paparazzi catching on...then again they’re pre-occupied probably surrounding the guys’ hotel. 

Duff slammed back a startling amount of Vodka Tonics on the plane over here, to combat his rancid anxiety, that I had no idea even existed until we were seated on the plane and he nearly passed out after turning sheet white and breathing abnormally fast. 

"Yeah." He says in almost a slur. "I'm great." 

The plan is to get him a hotel room in the city for tonight and give him money for his flight back tomorrow, so all he brought is his bass, and the way his knuckles are turning white from holding on to the case it’s in, I can tell something’s up.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I ask him.

“I’m fine.”

“If you’re upset over the flight over here--”

“--What if these people are creeps?” He cuts me short, and I realize he’s not still upset over the flight.

“What do you mean?”

“Tansy’s had shitty luck with slimy photographers before, right? She’s told us stories of them, like, hitting on her and making her uncomfortable.”

“Yeah?”

“What if one of these motherfuckers is like that?” He looks at me.

“Well, that’s why I made sure someone accompanied me...someone, i.e. you.” I nudge him.

“Yeah and if something happens and I kick ass, I’m gonna be in trouble, Nikki’s gonna find out we’re here, then he’s gonna--”

“--Do you need more alcohol or something?” I try not to sound too harsh, genuinely worried about his mental state at the moment.

He’s just freaking out about every fucking thing there is to freakout about.

“I just don’t want you to be in trouble, is all.” He mumbles, sighing, and I lick my lips.

“I’m not going to be in trouble, okay? It will be fine. Just take a deep breath, and relax.”

The elevator doors open to reveal a set, an array of soft lighting, a faux house setting, a hair and makeup station, and wardrobe (what bits and pieces of it I’ll actually have on).

I spot Danielle, in all her gorgeous yet professional glory, and she ushers us over to where she’s sitting, talking to the makeup artist.

“Hi, it’s good to see you again.” She tells me, just seeing me yesterday.

“You too.” I reply smiling. I see her eyes catch on Duff. “This is my friend, Duff.” I explain to her. “He’s here for moral support.” I add.

“Ah, Danielle Wythers.” She tells him.

“Duff McKagan.” He replies.

“Nikki couldn’t make it?” She asks me next.

“The thing is...he kind of doesn’t know about it.” I explain to her and she raises her brows. “It’s a surprise.” I lie, not telling her the real reason I didn’t tell him is actually because he wouldn’t necessarily like it.

“Well, he’ll love it.” She assures me.

“Oh, he sure will.” I reply with the same smile.

“Okay, not that you don’t look gorgeous as is, but we’re gonna spruce you up some. Starting out, we’re gonna have you in a little clothing, and then strip down as we go along.” She lays out the plan and I nod. “This is Lucille, she’s doing your hair and makeup, Maarin is your photographer, and when we finish the shoot, I will be interviewing you.” She adds.

“Got it.”

“Alright, I’ll see you in a few minutes.” She waves before walking to the photographer.

It wasn’t as bad as thought it would have been. There really wasn’t much to it: just look like you’ve got perpetual “fuck me” eyes, follow the suggestions thrown at you by the photographer, and don’t clam up when you hear:

“Alright, let’s lose the clothes.” Maarin says.

My eyes nervously dart to Duff, who I can tell is trying to keep himself at ease like I am.

I look at Danielle next, who’s off to the sidelines, and she gives me an encouraging nod.

I try not to shake as I take the skimpy top they gave me, off, seeing Duff avert his gaze as they have me lay down on my stomach for a few shots of my body against a faux fur rug.

After I’ve gotten everything they want me to get in that position, Maarin is glancing around before I see his eyes lock on Duff’s bass case that’s resting at the tall blondes feet.

“Hey, you.” He says to Duff, catching his attention and Duff looks at him. “What’s in that thing?”

“...A bass?” Duff replies, slightly confused.

“What does Nikki Sixx play?!” Maarin slightly raises his voice to get an answer from anyone who knows.

“Bass?” I tell him.

“Perfect. I want pictures of you with the bass.” He tells me, motioning to Duff to get it out of the case.

“What?” Me and Duff ask at the same time.

If I get pictures with Duff’s bass, Nikki will recognize it, and kill the both of us if it makes it into the final cut.

“Bass. Naked girl. Now.” He repeats, and Duff looks at me.

“It’s fine.” I assure him, lying, but not wanting to waste anymore time because these people have busy schedules.

“Fine.” He mumbles, getting his bass out, carefully handing it to me, trying not to look at my naked body.

Not only was I mortified, nearly, when he told me to put the bass between my legs--covering my netherregion whilst holding onto the neck, being sure to position my arms where the only thing people could see were the round of my  boobs--but when he told me to, and I quote, verbatim, “make love to the bass” (as if my bare pussy and tits weren’t already all over it) me and Duff both looked like we were going to jump out of the window.

Within two more hours, the shoot and the interview is over--our final shot is of me sitting against a black backdrop, not a stitch of clothing on, covering my chest with my arm, with my legs crossed to keep myself as modest as possible for the cover.

“So now what?” Duff asks me as we head to the exit of the building when we get to the lobby.

“Go to the hotel.” I say.

“...The hotel the guys are at?”

“Yeah.”

“But then--”

“--We can just say I didn’t want to fly alone.” I shrug.

He thinks for a moment, then sighs.

“How about, I catch a cab back to the airport and go back home.”

“Duff, why?” I ask, a little disappointed, stopping before we get to the door.

“I don’t want to start shit between you and him and it doesn’t make any sense to say you didn’t want to fly alone so you brought me with you.”

“I don’t want you getting back on another plane so soon if you--”

“--I’ll be fine, Viv.” He assures me and I furrow my brows a little.

“Duff.” I start.

“Vivian, it’s fine.” He tells me. “I’m being serious. Don’t fucking argue with me, it is okay.” He sternly, but friendly, promises.

“Okay.” I finally relent, nodding a little.

“Just call me tonight, alright?”

“Yeah.” I agree.

He gives me his best smile before I’m hugging him.

“Thank you.” I tell him. “And I’m sorry I molested your bass.”

We both laugh, remembering the odd predicament, and I pull away looking up at him.

“It’s an honor.” He sarcastically lets out, and I wrinkle my nose. “I love you, be careful getting to the hotel.”

“I will.” I hand him the wad of cash he’s going to need to get a ticket back to L.A. and he takes it.

“Thanks.” He accepts it. “See you later.”

“See you later.”

We give each other one last look before we leave, except I go left, and he goes right.

My theory about the hotel being wrapped up in media is 1000% correct as I arrive, the driver saving Fred a trip as he gets out to help me through the ten feet to the door.

"It's great, we're great." I tell a reporter that asks me "how are things with Nikki?"

"What business did you have in Los Angeles?" Another one asks as I approach the front doors of the hotel where Fred is waiting. 

"My dad's birthday." I lie, feeling relief the second Fred's large hand pushes lightly against my back, ushering me inside. 

"Your dad's birthday?" He asks, knowing that was bullshit and I roll my eyes, taking my sunglasses off when we get in the elevator. 

"It's like an act of congress to take a shit without someone asking me how it affects my marriage." I state and he laughs. 

"How're you feeling?" He asks me and I furrow my brows. "Your blood pressure."

"Oh, I think it's okay. I have an informative  sheet of paper to dictate what I eat and drink and what other medicine I can and can't take while on my antidepressant. The second I can get onto a different medication, I'm taking it." 

"Well, be glad you're alive. You dying would've really inconvenienced Doc McGhee." He tells me and I chuckle. 

"Yeah, that evil genius knows how to work the public like a vibrator with never ending battery life." I scoff and he looks at me. "What?"

The doors of the elevator open on our floor apparently.

"I've missed you." He admits.

"I'm glad you have. Bet everyone else has been thanking God I haven't been here to cry on their good time." I say as we walk down the hall. 

"Actually, I was gonna talk to you about that." He says and I raise my brows as he glances around to make sure the coast is clear. "Sixx hasn't been doing too good." 

"Oh, no, how horrible. Wasn't like he publicly humiliated his wife--or at least let another woman do so by announcing their entire relationship on national TV for everyone and their mom to see, or anything." I sarcastically let out. 

"Viv, I'm being serious, here." He tells me, reaching in his pocket for my room key, unlocking my door. 

"I know you are. And I'm saying if anyone has the right to be in hell right now, it's me. I don't want to hear about how hard he's taking it. He wouldn't have to take anything if he would've given a damn sooner, rather than waiting for his mistress to air out his bullshit in front of his wife and thousands of other people."

"Who says I give a damn now?" I hear Nikki's voice behind us and I stop in my tracks, seeing Fred with his eyes closed as if preparing for a time bomb to go off. 

I turn to face Nikki, who's inches infront of me, and he looks down at me with a clenched jaw, looking like he just rolled out of bed, only wearing his leather pants from last night. 

"Oh, if it isn't the marital fuck-up." I throw at him. 

"Nice to see you, too, wicked cunt-bitch of the west coast." He hisses. 

"Okay, if you two are gonna go back and forth, please do so where hotel guests who're trying to enjoy their stay, aren't at risk of witnessing it." Fred suggests, motioning into the hotel room.

"I'd rather castrate myself than be trapped in a room with her." Nikki argues. 

"Please do so, maybe it'll keep you from tripping and falling, landing you in other women I'm friends with and becoming engaged to them." I snap back. 

"Bitter much?"

"Go play in traffic."

"Don't threaten me with a good time." 

"Anything's a good time to you if it involves not being a half-way decent husband, at the least."

"Okay, like you're 'wife of the year' Miss 'run when shit gets messy'."

"Need I remind you 'shit got messy' because you had an entire girlfriend, got engaged, and then she proceeded to indulge me and everyone else in the world when it was broadcasted nationwide?"

"No, baby, I remember it like it was three fuckin' days ago judging by how long you just fucking up and ran for without giving me a chance to explain a damn thing." 

"Just making sure you didn't forget since I can only imagine how much smack you've been shooting yourself full of to drown out the self-hate--which is well deserved, by the way."

"Just like it's gonna be well deserved when I bend you over my lap and--"

"--Okay, get in here." Fred tugs me inside to avoid our fight getting physical.

He’s shutting the door before Nikki can say anything else, shutting him outside, as I set my bag down and go pee.

“Vivian, I’m not done talking to you.” Fred says from the room and I roll my eyes.

“I’m peeing, Fred, can we talk about my imploded marriage when I get done?”

“No, because we’re leaving for Chicago early tomorrow morning.” He leans against the bathroom door frame, covering his eyes to keep from seeing me on the toilet.

“Okay, then talk to me.” I tell him, getting done, wiping and flushing the toilet, standing at the sink to wash my hands.

“We know he’s on smack again, Viv.” he informs me.

“I could’ve told you that.” I reply, drying my hands.

“No, no, he’s on smack again but he’s trying to act like he isn’t.”

“Because he knows Doc will strangle him and he doesn’t wanna hear it.” I shrug, stepping past him.

“He was doing good until this Vanity mess got between you two.” He states.

“Nikki was shooting heroin again before the Vanity thing happened. He was on heroin the night of our anniversary.”

His eyes widen when I tell him this.

“Why the fuck didn’t you say anything?!” He asks me and I raise my brows.

“I didn’t want him to get in trouble.” I admit honestly and he groans, rubbing his eyes.

“Vivian.” He complains.

“What, sorry, I thought he’d get a grip back on it...at least he told me he would.”

“Yes, because the past few days have obviously proven he can be trusted.” He argues. “He can’t even keep his vows, Viv, what the fuck made you think he’d get back on the wagon after falling off?”

“I didn’t know he wasn’t keeping his vows at the time, Fred, sorry.” I brush him off, pulling my hair back from my face with a ponytail holder.

“...Okay.” He takes a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll talk to Doc, we’ll figure something out before he starts spiraling.”

“I doubt he’s going to start spiraling, Fred. He tends to only let it get out of control when he’s bored.” I quickly remember him shooting up on stage during the last tour, and ODing in London… “We’ll figure something out, alright? Don’t go panicking to Doc and if you do tell Doc, don’t make it obvious to Nikki that you know what’s up and you want him to stop. He feels attacked and lashes out when people do that. Just keep an eye out for dealers and try to keep him company so he doesn’t feel lonely or alone.” I suggest.

“Well, I know when I tell Doc, what his makeshift solution will be.” He says and I raise my brows.

“What’s that?”

Reason number 1,468 that proves Doc was absolutely crazy…

“Oh, absolutely not.” I state the next night as me, Doc and Fred are walking backstage to get to the guys’ dressing rooms.

“Viv, just listen--” Doc starts but I cut him short.

“--We’re already having to lie to everybody and act like we’re still together, what the hell do you mean ‘make up’ with him?!” I snap, turning on him and he exhales.

“I don’t mean forgive him, I mean as long as he feels like everyone is against him, that might drive him further into his black hole--”

“--So, it’s my responsibility to make sure he doesn’t do heroin, is that what you’re telling me?”

“Vivian, I feel like it would be best if you didn’t add to the many reasons he already feels like he’s gotta hurt himself over, just until this tour wraps and we can get him some proper help.” He tells me.

“Oh my God, I am actually about to have another stroke if you keep fucking talking!” I throw my hands up, stomping away from him, but he stays on my heels.

“Vivian, just listen.” He says as I open the dressing room door and barge in to see Vince, Mick, Tommy...and Devil Spawn.

“Doc, why don’t you just drop your pants and I’ll get on my knees and start slurping at your balls because that’s obviously what you want me to do!” I scream at him.

“Vivia--”

“--Nothing is good enough! You want us to play nice for the cameras, we’re doing that, you want us to bullshit the fans, we’re doing that, you want us to postpone a fucking divorce filing, we’re doing that, and now you’re wanting me to pretend he didn’t screw me over publicly just so he won’t feel bad that I can’t fucking stand him right now?!”

“What’s wrong?” Tommy asks.

“None of your fucking business!” I sneer at him.

“Get the fuck out, Vivian, Jesus.” Vince starts up.

“Oh, go scissor Bret Michaels and mind your own fucking business, bitch boy.” I shoot at him.

Liquor is drenching my dress when Vince is grabbing Tommy’s drink and throwing it on me, causing me to see red.

“What the fuck, Vince?!” Nikki barks at him, as Vince says:

“Get get your fucking ring back from the bitch Sixx chose over you.”

I’m lashing out, my nails dragging across Vince’s cheek as my flat palm hits his other cheek as hard as it can, causing the harsh stinging noise to echo through the room, as Doc and Fred both yell at us as we’re pried apart.

“Rabid Bitch!” Vince seethes, trying to fight past Doc to get to me, but Fred’s stepped in front of me, keeping me from going to Vince, too.

“Murderer!” 

The room goes silent immediately, their faces falling in shock as Vince just looks disgusted with me.

"Vivian." Doc starts, about to scold me.

"Everyone's got a fucking slap on the wrist, doesn't matter if you fucking overdose or actually kill someone, everybody just gets a fucking slap on the fucking wrist but the second I finally act like something isn't okay, the second I protest just glossing over the fact Nikki Fucking God Damn Sixx did something shitty, I'm a fucking bitter, hateful, rabid, disgusting bitch because apparently 'I should've known better'!" I outburst, taking a few deep breaths, calming down, trying not to cry before I focus on Doc. "I can smile for the cameras. I can force myself to stomach the idea of loving him in the public eye. But I refuse to just turn the other way and act like everything's okay behind closed doors, and you can't fucking make me." I say venomously to Doc before I'm storming out of the dressing room, seeing all the roadies that were around to hear the hell breaking loose behind the closed door of the dressing room.

The next couple days consists of me just staying in my hotel room, avoiding everyone except Fred, that is until…

I keep my head down, my hand gripping at Nikki’s as we all file out of the bus in the parking lot of the hotel as my other hand shields my sunglass-adorned eyes, hearing the shouts of questions from the paparazzi as all of us head to the entrance of the hotel with security trying to keep fans and the media at bay.

Almost as soon as we step foot into the hotel lobby, free from the press and witnesses, Nikki and I are dropping our hands from each other and pulling away as quickly as possible as if we’re magnetically repellent.

“Alright, shower, strip club.” Tommy names off their agenda to Nikki, Vince, and Mick. “Viv, you wanna--”

“--No.” I turn him down before he can even properly invite me, my eyes shifting to Nikki, who averts his gaze from me the second I look at him.

“But, Viv--”

“--Just leave her out of it, Tommy. She doesn’t wanna go.” Nikki tells him flatly, heading to the elevator.

“I can speak for myself, thank you.” I hiss back to him.

“Don’t start shit with me, Vivian. I’m not in the mood.” He snaps.

“What, fight with your girlfriend?” I ask as the elevator doors open.

“Go fuck yourself.” He snarls out, walking into the elevator and I’m right behind him.

“Don’t worry, I have been, being that you won’t ever touch me again.” I argue.

I guess everyone else decides not to ride in an elevator with us in case a fist fight ensues and they get caught in it.

I stare at him, his eyes covered with his sunglasses, his hair matted and sweaty from his show, his skin pale from his body purging the toxic mixture of drugs and alcohol from his system.

“Quit fucking staring at me.” He mumbles, and instead of saying something smart back or just hitting him, I look away, feeling a sadness wash over me as I notice he hasn’t taken his wedding ring off yet since we left the press behind.

“You’re not gonna take it off?” I ask, suddenly, trying to keep my tone neutral.

He doesn’t even have to ask what I’m talking about, he just knows.

I see him glance down at his ring finger before balling his left hand into a slight fist before relaxing it.

“We’re still married.” Is all he says before the doors open and he heads to his room.

I make my own separate room, unlocking the door, being met with the bland smell of a simple hotel room.

I’m used to hotel rooms smelling like Nikki.

Getting my jacket off, I step to the bathroom and get my makeup off and brush my teeth for bed before getting pajamas on. When I get to my bed, I notice something that wasn’t there before I left for the show: one of my tshirts that I left at the last hotel we were at in Texas.

Knowing who grabbed it for me, and why I should not smell it because it’s just going to make me sad, I bring it to my nose and feel my body tense in on itself, my heart heavy as his smell infiltrates my senses, and brings tears to my eyes.

How many times have I nearly talked to him, kissed him, touched him, smiled at him, all out of habit, only to realize why we are where we are in this shit to begin with?

I miss him.

He is with me everyday but I still miss him.

I exhale and climb into bed, clinging to the shirt that smells like him, closing my eyes and pretending I’m with him.

It suddenly occurs to me that the last time I kissed him, hugged him, held him, laughed with him, saw him in the shining light that I did--I didn't realize it was the last time.

Now I’ve got myself crying, and I wipe the stray tears, trying not to think about it anymore but I can’t help it.

I thought I put my absolute everything into every laugh, every kiss, every hug, every smile...but I didn’t. If I knew then what I know now, I would have.

I squeeze my eyes closed, before snatching the covers off, and go to my door, opening it, and marching to Nikki’s door.

A part of my hopes he hasn’t gone to the strip club yet, another part of me--the sane part--hopes he has.

I knock on the door and in a couple minutes it’s swinging open to reveal a hellish looking Nikki.

Trying not to cry, but failing, I lick my lips and finally get it off my chest.

“I didn’t get to say ‘goodbye’ to us.” I state, shakily, and he looks as defeated as I do.

“Vivian--”

“--You robbed me of getting to say ‘goodbye’, of being prepared to say ‘goodbye’. I wasn’t ready to not be with you, I wasn’t ready to have every reason to leave you thrown in my face. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you, and you stole that from me.” I tell him. “I didn’t get to say ‘goodbye’.” I repeat, a tear falling past my lashes.

He just looks down, letting me say what I need to and I take a deep breath, sniffle, and press my lips to his, catching him off guard.

It takes him no time to respond, the both of us letting out relieved hums as our tongues meet and he pulls me into the room with him, slamming the door behind me.

His hands are immediately pulling my shirt up, and I’m fumbling to get his belt unbuckled, being interrupted by him tugging my pajama shorts off, his lips grazing over my thigh, up my abdomen, between my breasts, and pressing to my neck before finding my lips again.

I let out a soft sigh, wrapping my arms around him, my bare chest pressed against him, his tongue moving in sync with mine.

He's pulling away in a few seconds, taking deep breaths, staring down at me, confused.

"What?" I ask softly, blinking up at him. 

"What are we doing, Viv?”

I don’t answer, not really knowing what to say to begin with.

“Huh?” He questions. “We never got to talk about it, we never--”

"--Nikki--"

"--You didn't want to talk to me about it, you didn't--"

"--There was nothing to say--"

"--I had plenty to say, Vivian." 

"Nikki, it doesn't matter now."

"It doesn't matter? Are you fucking crazy? 'It doesn't matter'?!" 

"I-It does, but--"

"--But what, Vivian? You just wanna pretend it didn't fucking happen or something?" He snaps.

"No, I don't want to pretend it didn't happen, Nikki, that's why I got so upset with Doc the other night because he wanted me to act like everything was fine, even behind closed doors, and I don't want to do that."

"Then why the fuck are you here?" He asks me. 

Apparently I get the wrong look on my face that blatantly tells him what I'm up to…and he starts laughing.

"You're gonna fuck me and leave me?!” He cackles, taking a step back and I go to speak, but I’m unable to. There’s nothing I can say, and my silence confirms it. "Holy shit you sneaky cunt."

“Nikki, stop--”

“--Were you gonna tell me you had no intention of trying to actually work shit out with me and you were just using me to make yourself feel better for a couple hours, or were you just gonna hand me fucking divorce papers and a pen the second I came in you?” He sneers.

“Nikki, I’m not trying to use you.” My voice cracks as tears come to my eyes.

“Did you come to talk about what happened and try to get somewhere, or just fuck one last time for the hell of it?” He demands and I take a breath, trying to get my head together enough to try to figure out why, myself. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Get the fuck out.” He pushes me away from him.

“If you’ll let me explain--”

“--The fuck is there to explain?! I cheated on you, you left, then you come back, patronize every fucking person that's fucked up, and then try to get your rocks off on my dick one last time like some pathetic slut. You either fucking hate me and you’re leaving, or you don’t and you’re not. I’m not doing the whole ‘friends with benefits’ bullshit with my own fucking wife!”

“A majority of our marriage has been ‘roommates with benefits’ so why the hell does it matter to you now that I just want one last night?!” I outburst suddenly and he rolls his jaw.

“Get the fuck out.” He repeats, shaking his head a little.

“No.” Tears topple over my lashes and I lick my lips, shaking my head.

“Vivian, I’m not fucking telling you again. Get the fuck out or I’m making you leave.”

“Nikki, plea--”

He’s suddenly grabbing at my arms, pulling my naked body from the floor.

“--Nikki, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean--”

“--You were gonna hump and dump me and you ‘didn’t mean’ it?!” He pulls me to the door while I struggle against him.

“Nikki, it was just for one last time, just so I could remember.” I plead, my hands grasping at his shirt, my eyes--blurry from tears--looking up at his. “Please, just one last time.” I beg, weakly, and he clenches his jaw, the ghosting of tears in his eyes for a second before he says:

“If it’s gonna be the last time…" his voice cracks, before it seems like he's forcing himself to "man up." 

"...I don't want to remember it." He says next.

“Nikki, please--no!” I fight with him when he gets his door open. 

"Bye, Viv." I almost don't recognize the man speaking to me, he sounds so fucking distant, cut off, as if the Nikki Sixx I met at the Starwood years ago took a step back and someone else had to come forward and get me out.

“Nikki, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, just please, don’t do thi--Nikki!” I cry when he shoves me out of the room, completely naked, and slams the door after leaving  my pajamas at my feet.

My theory was and is today that, that moment, that "bye, Viv" was his way of finalizing what he thought was the end of us, because after that night, he acted like he despised and hated me, up until the last few nights of the Crüe's Japan tour when he called me multiple times in the middle of night, crying, fucked up, pleading, finally telling me how much he loved me.

[lailarain]

Warning: Spoilers for Danganronpa: The End of Hope's Peak High School:Despair Arc

(I'm watching for the first time)

We're back at it again, guys!

Also, yes, I've realized that I porbably should've watched Danganronpa 2.5 first, but I'll do that after Despair Arc

Episode 1:

Oh it's ponytail teacher lady🙂

NEW INTRO YEAH BABY

POTHEAD GUY I MISSED YOUUUU

FUYUHIKO, SONIA, MAHIRU, AND HIYOKO THE NOSTALGIAAAAAA

I'm only a few minutes in and I'm already dying of laughter from the dialogue😭

MIKAN I MISSED YOU

This ponytail teacher lady, istg😂😂😂😂😂

THE TEACHER HAS A BLADE WHY DOES THE TEACHER HAVE A BLADE

Okay where is Nagito he's the only reason I'm watching this🙄

"oH goD jUrAsSiC pArK"

IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?

NEKOMARUUUU

Isn't that that one pervy chef?

Teruteru, that's pretty gay😀

AKANE HELLOOOOO

Soda the simp has arrived

GUNDHAM YES I MISS YOU SO MUCH😭😭😭😭

IBUKI MY GIRL

PEKO WHY'D YOU HAVE TO DIE I MISSED YOUUUU

NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO NAGITO YES

NAGITO'S LAUGH🥺🥺🥺

I fear this teacher😀

Wait....Mitirai...and the Ultimate Imposter......what the fuck is going on

HAJIME IS THAT YOU, MY BELOVED NON-SHAPE-KNOWING BOI

Awwwww he's hurt by what people say🥺

CHIAKI I MISSED YOU

Hajime, you DO have a talent. You're the Ultimate Nagito Magnet

Man, I'm probably not gonna get to see Hajime on screen a lot in this anime😔

Hey blonde bitch how ya doin

Okay we've officially seen the gang! Time for episode 2!

Episode 2:

"They're all good eggs" tell that to killing game nagito lol

Why the fuck are those two always fighting😭

"I'll have you know that we are training in real life combat conditions" "Oh in that case, knock yourself out"

This is why you don't take random glowing bottles from pervert chefs, kids.

NAGITOS JUST SITTING THERE SMILING LMAOOOOOOOO

Hajime looks so uncomfortable that a teacher is trying to have a casual conversation with him😂

Oh are they talking about the Kamakura project?

Gundam playing video games makes me so happy and idk why maybe because I love how dramatic he is lol

You ever like someone so much that when they do something as simple as speak you start freaking out at how awesome they are? Yea that's how I feel about Nagito.

ARE THEY PLAYING MARIO KART?!?!?!

why is the school rumbling GUNDHAM WHAT DID YOU DO

Nagito crying over the food lmaooooo

What did Akane sayyyy😀

NO ONE TOLD ME THIS WAS A HENTAI

WHAT THE FAWK IS GOING ON

Props to Fuyuhiko for being a man and stopping Kazuichi

Istg whatever they pay these voice actors clearly isn't enough

MIKAN WHAT DID YOU SAYYYYY NO ONEE TOLD ME YOU WERE A LESBIAN

I don't even know what to say about Nagito😳

CHIAKI JUST FUCKIN PUNCHED HIM

"I regret nothing"

Nagito's so wholesomely making everyone uncomfortable🥺

Chiaki and Hajime's relationship is soooo wholesome🥰

Episode 3:

Hajime has literally solved the murders of his friends 5 times, and he calls himself average🤨

Why are all the other Reserve Course students blue?

Wait isn't that blondie Fuyuhiko's sister?

Hajime being in the middle of these random girls fighting be like 👁👄👁

Okay I'm kinda scared to ship the green hair girl and Mahiru because they might be siblings

Hard to believe that this girl is my baby boi's sister. At least Fuyuhiko has the dignity to not randomly bully a girl for no reason

Okay I hope the FBI doesn't come to my door if these two are siblings but MAHIRU I SAW YOU BLUSH GIRL I SHIP IT

Thank god fuyuhiko understands that his sister is crazy

Hajime and Chiaki gaming together is so cute🥰

I hope Chiaki didn't just accidentally convince Hajime to do the Kamakura Project😀

The blonde just called her lovesick for Mahiru...I think we got non-related lesbians on our hands

Wait.....THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED IN TWILIGHT SYNDROME MURDER CASE WHAT THE FUCK

Okay I'm kinda starting to feel bad for the blondie

GREEN HAIRED GIRL KILLED HER HOLY FUCK THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY

Wait...if the green-haired girl didn't kill her...then who did?

Woah....why is the green-haired girl acting like that🤨

WAIT GREEN HAIR GIRL IS DEAD WHAT

Is this really how people normally treat Reserve Course Students? The discrimination is so unfair.

HOW DARE THIS BASTARD TOUCH MY PRECIOUS HAJIME😤

Oh so they're on a mission

Omfg Hajime don't you DARE think you're nothing and agree to be a lab rat I swear

FUCK NO HE AGREED

I am so close to crying rn😀

How's Chiaki gonna react to this😔

Episode 4:

Chiaki is sad aww🥺

Okay Nagito looking serious is NEVER a good sign

SHIT NAGITO FROWNED THAT'S NOT GOOD

Komaeda is so polite😌

Nagito.....what is Plan B😀

WHITE-HAIRED GIRL HOW YOU DOIN😁

Oh its other blonde boy and peach-haired bitch

WELL CLEARLY NAGITO'S LUCK AIN'T SHIT

HOLY SHIT NO😭

WAIT NAGITO SET UP FUCKIN BOMBS?!?! Man, I love my chaotic boi🥰

THEY SWITCHED BAGS TOO?!?!?

This is gonna be a huge shit show, isn't it?

POOR WHITE-HAIR GIRL SHE'S COMPLETELY INNOCENT😭😭😭

What the fawk😀

HOW IS HE SO CALM, JUST LIKE "I don't think that was a laxative😕"

NAGITO'S JUST TALKING BOUT HOW UNLUCKY HE IS WHILE ALL THIS SHIT IS GOING DOWN LMAOOO

WAIT SHE JUST SLAPPED HIM

YES TEACHER LADY YOU TELL HIM HOW FUCKIN AWESOME HE IS

Yay Komaeda won't get expelled😊

WAIT NO DON'T TRANSFER HER I LOVE HER NOOOOO

Uh yeah he did it all for yall 'cause he's fuckin nagito komaeda🤨

WAIT SHE'S GONNA COME BACK?!?!?! HOLY SHIT YES

Episode 5:

Poor Mitirai🥺

yeah, see? This is why I relate to Mitirai. ANIMATION IS FUCKIN MAGICAL.

Thank GOD. I thought we were gonna have to watch the teacher lady suffer😅

Okay I know this is pretty off topic, but where the fuck is Hajime

Of course as soon as I ask that question, they start talking about the Kamakura project😅

Expelled? Bullshit.

Wait NO I WANNA SEE MORE NAGITO🥺🥺🥺

WAIT THOSE ARE THE CHARACTERS FROM THE FIRST GAME

Awww they're so happy to see her how wholesome🥺

"You perfect cinnamon roll" MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

SAIONGI WENT THROUGH A GROWTH SPURT HOLY FUCK

Wait Mitirai and......Mitirai? So he IS the ultimate imposter.

"People flake out and let you down, but carbs are always there" - Mitirai. Truer words have never been spoken😢

IT'S JUNKO FUCKIN ENOSHIMA BABY

Right, the killing game hasn't happened yet, so both Mukuro and Junko are alive and well

So, are the ultimate imposter and mitirai sibings?

Mitirai no don't overwork yourself🥺

Did he just....say "I need you"....pick her up.....and give no other context?😀

Poor Mitirai

WAIT MIKAN NO IT'S NOT THAT KIND OF MOVIE

MAKOTO MY BOY I MISSED YOU

HAJIME IS THAT YOU? YOU LOOK TERRIBLE

Wait...HAJIME NO

HAJIME DON'T YOU DARE

WHAT ABOUT CHIAKI?!?!?!

HAJIME'S EYES ARE RED NOOOOOOO

I'm gonna miss good old Hajime😔

Episode 6:

HAJIME NO TALENTLESS PEOPLE ARE STILL PEOPLE

WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING THIS TO AN INNOCENT HIGH SCHOOLER

It's......Izuru Kamakura😔

Hajime no🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Awww Chiaki misses him

Wait why didn't the teacher just lie and say that Hajime was expelled🤨

I am so close to crying rn😀

Ponytail teacher lady is gonna realize the heartbreaking truth about Hajime, isn't she?😔

Awwww buff guy🥺

That is the weirdest tourture I've ever seen

The sad thing is she doesn't even know that it was Hajime who was made the victim to the project.

Wait why is Kamakura there what's going on

"KAMAKURA KAMAKURA YAS Q U E E N."

CAN MUKURO STOP LETTING JUNKO MAKE FUN OF HER LIKE BITCH YOU ARE AWESOME

Ikuru literally the entire time Junko is talking is basically just: 😑

WAIT HE AGREES WITH JUNKO NO

wait....MITIRAI IS GONNA MEET JUNKO FUCK NO

FUCK NOOOOOO

Okay we're officially halfway through, and I'm super pissed that Nagito is god knows where because he's the ONLY reason I'm watching this

Episode 7:

MITIRAI STOP TALKING TO HER RUN ASAP AHHHHHHHHH

Junko does realize that she basically just triggered every single fan of Danganronpa, right🤨

"aWw lOoK aT hiM trEmBLe hE'S goNnA bUrsT a blOoD veSsEL bEcAuSe I jUsT diSseD hiS wAifUS"

WAIT JUNKO NO DON'T SMILE LIKE THAT

THEY THINK HE'S DEAD LMAOOOOO

NAGITO YES FINALLY

NAGITO WTF PUT SOME CLOTHES ON

Wait so is that the crash site of the what killed his parents🥺

Kazuchi, Teruteru, stop being pervs and shut up please🥰

GUNDHAM YES WE STAN

MITIRAI IS MISSING NO

Istg if they lay a hand on Mikan they bouta lose a hand😀

Poor buff guy🥺

SHIT NO THEY'RE GONNA BRAINWASH HER

Junko's eyes really went ⬆️↗️➡️↘️⬇️↙️⬅️

Wait who tf are these people🤨

Junko what is it with you and killing games😀

Wait she's actually really good at singing😯

Can we get an f in the chat for these poor students

IZURU WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO

THEY'RE SWEEPING IT UNDER THE RUG AGAIN?!?!?!?

So that was his promise😔

It's the cool moving comic thing from the games😯

The Reserve Course students are NOT happy😀

Poor Chiaki still misses him😔

Imagine if she knew HE was the killer

Episode 8:

(So some of my notes were deleted and when I rewrote them they got deleted twice. So I'm just gonna go where I left off.)

NAGITO YES MY BOY I MISSED YOUUUUU

"Who are you" lol

At least CHIAKI is nice to Nagito

YES NAGITO YOU LIFE-SAVER😤

Talk about what🤨

WHY ARE THEY TREATING THESE STUDENTS TO "KNOW THEIR PLACE" ISTG

Okay Nagito what is it with your luck

"Oh we found a secret passage cool😶"

POOR MITIRAI

WAIT NAGITO KNEW?!?!?!?

NAGITO HAS A FUCKIN GUN I REPEAT NAGITO HAS A GUN WHY DOES HE HAVE A GUN

OKAY WHY DOES NAGITO SOUND SO THREATENING ALL OF A SUDDEN

Okay am I crazy or was that interaction between izuru and nagito just now pretty gay?

NAGITO HOLY FUCK NO

OH THANK THE LORD

NAGITO THIS IS NO TIME TO BE A SIMP FOR IZURU

Episode 9:

That....is Hinata😔

WAIT NO DON'T YOU DARE HYPNOTIZE CHIAKI

Teacher lady is gonna be hypnotized, isn't she😖😞

OKAY JUNKO THIS IS TOO FAR

Wait is Mikan pretending?

Poor Guy😢

YEAH LISTEN TO NAGITO

I mean, I don't wanna abandon the teacher but it's already too late

WAIT IS THAT WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE?!?!?

It's so sad to know that they're just running into destruction😔

NO POOR TEACHER LADY

STOP IT RIGHT NOW

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

NOOOOOOOOOOO

You're already too late😞

WAIT WHY ARE THEY BEING SO VIOLENT

Poor Mitirai, man🥺

WAIT NO JUNKO YOU WOULDN'T

Junko STOP LEAVE HIM ALONE

You're in deep shit, Junko

WAIT NO DON'T DIE MITIRAI

Oh thank god😅

Mitirai😭

Poor Nagito too

WAIT MIKAN WHY

NO THE TEACHER IS DEFINITELY HYPNOTIZED NOPE

Episode 10:

Something's wrong....

Chiaki, don't be fooled

Wait is he actually gay tho

Okay Junko please SHUT THE FUCK UP🥰

This isn't gonna go well, is it?

CHIAKI NO

JUNKO DON'T YOU LAY A HAND ON HER

Wait why are they in a trial room

WAIT NAGITO WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN THEM BEFORE

CHIAKI NO

(Won't let me type anymore. Continue post here)

[iamdorka]

IMAGINE (PART III) ‘Y/N is an actress and one day she totally starts to fangirl about MGK on Twitter/IG and then Colson sees it.. ‘

Part I + Part II

- I can't believe you really put these on... to meet me. - Colson said with a hilarious, 'I don't believe you girl' smile across his face. He was blushing so hard he could not believe it. After just an hour hanging out together... he felt like he had always her in his life. Cliche or not. After she waved at him with a nervous smile at the very first minute he knew this night would be fun.

- Oh shit... it isn't the MGK convention? I'm so sorry. I think I misunderstood something. - Y/N stuffing some more french fries into her mouth.

- You really don't care at all. - he stated leaning closer to the table trying to steal some fries from her. - I like it. - he added, biting his lips without even noticing.

- Don't you even dare... - she immediately hit his fingers away before he could reach her sacred food. - ... never even try that! - she pressed together her eyes strongly with a serious look on her face but she knew really well that she was rather funny than serious but she wouldn't admit that, never in a million years. - French fries are life. Religion. Everything. - she pulled her plate closer to herself not even blinking, having a staring contest with the man who was just sitting in front of him.

- You can buy me with it... easily, but if you think I will share it. You are dead wrong. - she continued just sharing with him the facts.

- You are looking at me like you would gladly call the police on me if I moved again, just a bit, closer to your fries. - this conversation was easy and light. They didn't have to think, not a bit because everything came without even trying hard. Though none of them would admit that they were starstruck as fuck, but the awkwardness, the level of craziness what revolved around them made everything better and less dramatic but ohh if they could read each other's mind.

- No doubt on that. - she said firmly believing in her words strongly.

- I'm really glad we could met. - he admitted and waved to the waitress just to get one more french fries, lip syncing Y/N the following: 'Before anything bad happens'.

- Can I be honest? - she asked sipping on the coca cola she had with the fries.

- Why would I want otherwise? - he furrowed his eyebrows.

- I almost didn't came... because when I said I'm awkward I meant it. Like I know there is no zipper nor a lock on my lips when sometimes there should be... - she laughed it off yet she was still nervous. This kind of impromptu meeting was new for her, like she knew she is a control freak and now that she will meet a new person just a few hours before the actual meeting was a strange thing for her. She liked to plan, to know everything about everything but now she knew nothing.

- I'm almost throw up coming here... - he stated. - Jesus Christ... your face. No no no no... not because of you. - he tried to correct his poor choice of words because the look on her face was something else.

- I would totally understand... - she bursted into laughter. - Like if you would dig deep down on the dark web... you would probably have a restraining order against me right now. So... - again. She said too much. She just wanted to burry herself 6 feet underground.

- Why is that so? - he asked curiously and when the waitress came with the fresh fries and tried to flirt with him... he wouldn't even notice that. His eyes were focused on her.

- Let me have my secrets... it's better this way. For both of us. - she admitted and chose to eat instead of keep talking while having a random mischievous smile on her lips.

- Okay... but I'm still curious and let's pretend that I'm not gonna jump right into that dark web just to find out your secrets. - he wasn't gonna lie to her because it just wouldn't made sense for him. Honesty, number one rule this time. Like they could try lie but just this whole strange situation got this raw version of themself out of them.

- Okay... but then I'm gonna move to another country and change my identity. That's fine by me. - she told him dead serious. - Did I really saw the skateboard with you? - random subject changing was her specialty and this time it was the best time for it.

- Yeah? There is always a board in my car. - he admitted and looked in the way of his car through the window. - Don't tell me you skate because I might will ask you to marry me right here right now. - he said this without even thinking.

- Let that for later... okay? - she joked but when she realised what she said... she felt the urge to stand up and leave to place or at least do something rather than sitting there like an idiot. - Now... you should teach me how not to break my... everything. Because for your question here is my answer: I have never even stepped on a board before... probably because I wanted to avoid breaking every bone in my body which I could thank to my extremely nonexistent luck. - she was already back walking to the door still having an awkward eye contact with Colson.

- What about your love? - he asked gettin up himself too.

- My what? - she asked back.

- I mean your French fries... - he held up the freshly made ones.

- You can bring those... but don't even try to touch them... Because I will know... I KNOW EVERYTHING...

- Okay... Maybe I don't know how to stand still on this monstrous thing... - she stand in front of the skateboard which was between her and Colson body.

- Give me your hands... - he held out his long fingers towards her.

- Should we just call the ambulance already? - she asked knowing really well her luck and what would come after this. - Just to make sure...

- I will watch out for you. Just trust me. - he winked and finally she put her hands into his. - Now... carefully step on the board.Just step... but don't try to move... yet. - he explained her as smooth as he could but she was already fearing for her life.

- Why did I think this gonna be a good idea? I'm gonna die... I'm gonna die now. - she repeated and she was already imagining her funeral. Though she liked this black hoodie so it would be okay for her if they would burry her in that like right now. At least it was comfy and looked good on her.

- I won't let you do that... you are gonna be just fine. - Colson really tried to calm her down but she started to be on a really dramatic mood which was kinda understandable... for her at least. For him it was kinda funny but he enjoyed this get a long, bonding time with his new friend.

- If I fall... I will kill you. - she threatened him and held his long fingers so strongly that she thought they are gonna fall off just like that.

- A few minutes ago you wanted to marry me... now you wanna kill me. We move so fast girl. - he joked with a bright smile on his face while she had anything but a smile on hers.

- Moments before I was ea.... I'M MOVING. I'M MOVING. - she screamed so loud that even if that parking lot was empty she felt they were not alone, her scream could have wake up even the dead. - COLSON BAKER... I'M SKATE BOARDING. - she stated as he walked slowly letting her roll beside him with her hands in his just keeping her steady. It was not much but enough for her go gain a little bit of confidence. Now she thought she could live one more day after this.

- You are not that bad. - he said really believing in his words. He liked that even she was really scared as hell she was doing it. He thought she was a fearless, badass girl with who he was lucky enough to meet today. It happened fast but it was good.

- Yeah... After this I'm gonna cast myself as Tony Hawk in a biopic. - she joked not letting him step aside from her.

- Ohh... clever girl. I like this sweet talk... - he said and step by step he tried to let her go and she almost didn't even realize that because she was so focusing on his face because it calmed her down... then when she realised what he was doing she instantly panicked without even noticing then she lost her balance... and was on the floor just in seconds.

- Fuck this... - first she didn't even processed that she felt but then the pain came. - I think... I broke my ankle...

- You did what?

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 1B - “I'm praying to Yoncé I survive and don't get first boot.”-Jess

no words.

LITERALLY

NO WORDS.

Two points. TWO FUCKING POINTS.

I'm praying to Yoncé I survive and don't get first foot. That ain't a cute look xoxox

i'm already forgetting to search for the idols, i'm already getting paranoid about if i need to start making alliances instead of just enjoying the really cute convos i'm having with ruthie lily and kevin (max is kinda dry and annoying but... we'll try to make it work ig).... and i'm already hating every challenge we do especially this one although i actually really liked the challenge it was so creative and fun, i just hated that i have bad luck and am stupid with the deduction things, HENCE why i havent looked for the idol yet. LOL. so.... tl;dr - things are going perfectly! this hufflepuffle is workin exactly as he should!

I just wanna say we really are the hufflepuffs. 114 moves in like 5 hours, but we did it.  Really proud of Ruthie, Landen, Kevin, Max, and I! Sending positive vibes to slytherin. Hope they are okay in this madness.

Yo my tribe? Kinda dope. I think that everyone worked really well together today! I think Joanna kinda took the lead and some of her ideas were... a choice. But! It got us first place! I think that this tribe has a good shot of getting to swap unscathed.

With Slytherin going to tribal, I really hope that someone I don’t know goes, but at the same time I’d be okay with Jess going? I feel like she’s such a sleeper threat in most games I’m in with her and I really just don’t want to compete with that this time around.

I kind of snapped and got myself an idol good until final 6 teehee.

I knew that the Snape's letter or writing or whatever that freak was up to was SOMETHING. Did I get lucky... hell fucking yeah.

A crackhead like me SHOULD NOT have all this POWER.

I also gave Jacob literally the worst clue ever because we are sharing clues ladies xoxoxo

The clue was:

"Snape is taken aback. “That wouldn’t be any business of yours now would it? I wouldn’t want to find out you are spreading false information. I trust you won’t have any issue with that”. Congrats! You’ve discovered Snape Storyline 2! That’s all for the moment, and will end your search for this round."

BOTH ARE HALF TRUE. Just in case he doesn't put 2 and 2 together and now I went from place to place on purpose. He's gonna think now I gave him something of value and I know he's gonna think "No way someone go an idol on day fucking 3".

CONFESSIONAL 1.1 — Walking into the Great Hall, I saw a few familiar faces... for not good reasons!

First Jacob, who I know from tengaged. He and I were in a similar friend group for a short period before he left it, but we had a rocky relationship. We flirted a bit (blame 16-year-old Nicholas), but that is in the past.

Secondly, Jess... who I just directly sent home in Eve’s The Challenge: Fresh Meat. She did not have great words to say to me (such as I’m condescending), so I was very wary and, honestly, unhappy with her being here.

But, as Kylie Minogue says, it’s better the devil you know.

Flash forward to the Sorting Ceremony, and I’m so happy to be.. Slytherin? I told Mister Vintage (Sammy) and Mister Heinen (Caeleb) that I’m either a Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, but I suppose I’ve been lying to myself.

Then, I see my tribe: both Jess and Jacob are present. This is a curse wrapped in a blessing wrapped in an enigma. And, I love it.

I hate, hate, hate conflict and bad vibes, so I directly spoke to both. Jacob did not easily recognize me, but remembered me fondly; so, a successful reacquaintance. Jess, on the other hand, was definitely more apprehensive (as was I), but I made one thing clear: the past is the past, and I am declaring my loyalty.

I have been hurt in previous games by shoving the past aside while the other is still grudgingly aiming for revenge, but I feel Jess is different. She apologized to me about her words, which did hurt, and I apologized to her. What I said was honest, so I’m glad to see a fateful blossoming.

The first reward challenge is revealed, and honestly, I’m really bad at participating in pre-merge competitions, because I do not mind tribal. However, I do want to, since we are such a small tribe, focus on maintaining our numbers in case of a swap. We came in second this reward, and honestly, I’m glad to have eaten cupcakes (although I hate cherry). The fact we all chose a dessert and were privately messaged makes me assume someone received an advantage, but who knows...

What I DO know is that I had two separate relationships, so I wanted to lock a trio down (Me, Jess, Jacob), but I obviously did not want to gamebot this early and make the chat day one. So, naturally, i waited until after immunity.

Speaking of immunity... I took charge, because I like it, but also, I wanted to be able to take blame if we lost. I hate the whole “let’s vote someone out cuz they cost us a virtual challenge” this early in the game, it’s a cheap way to vote. I want to vote on loyalty and activity instead. That’s why I am probably going to target Jessie or Vi, but I‘m unsure as to which will be my vote. On one hand, Vi is much less social, but she also contributed a lot to the challenge. I do not want to judge a book by it’s cover, so I will reach out to her and assess her vibe.

I like going to tribal first, because my philosophy is that it’s better to test loyalties now, rather than guess loyalties later.

Regarding other players, Jules and Juls just played in a mini with me and sheeped the majority alliance to screw me over, so I’m not feeling them right now. Bitterness doesn’t exist in my mind: play well and I respect it; sheep and be stupid, and I will gladly dish out the karma. 

I’m satisfied with the happenings of this game so far, and I hope to make it further!! This is one of my first real orgs so, I’m em definitely excited. x. nick

Yay we won immunity. Raffy do be carrying our tribe though!

WELL WELL WELL!!!!!!! as far as my relationships go which is where i left off last round, really nothing much has changed about how i feel about or view my tribemates, but in exciting news... we won immunity!! i am not going to be first boot that is so nice, and im hoping that we can keep winning immunity until a swap so I can feel more secure. I think I could stand a shot if we lost on this tribe but i think if so the vote would split 3-2 i dont think i can get a unanimous vote on anyone unless its myself which is NOT WHAT WERE TRYNA DO HERE !! if anything i feel like i have the best chance to wiggle myself in with the girls (lily and ruthie) Max would probably be my ideal first vote if we ever lose an immunity because I know landen can be useful in challenges, but he YET AGAIN addressed me with a name that does not sit well with me he called me a "challengewhore" yet another reference to TS 2020, so this is not a good sign. Ideally I could get landen out and still be set but i know he has a relationship with juls who i also have a relationship with and wish to continue to have in this game, and us going against each other could make that more stressful than it needs to be because i know landen avenged beck for voting juls out maybe juls would do the same for him? Much to think about, but thankfully i dont have to think about it all that hard because yet again we ARE SAFE !!! woo, anyways thats pretty much it hopefully we can keep winning :D

Ahhhh safety feels so nice, I’m glad that I’m not in danger of being the first boot. Also I love the fact that ravenclaw won the first challenge with so little moves HAHA!

I want to go far in this thing with lily and with kevin, my goal right now is to get to merge and owen be alive so I can work with him!

I am very happy to have won this immunity challenge. We barely won, but I managed to pull my tribe to a victory. Emphasis on the "I" part. I am very frustrated with my tribe's lack of challenge activeness and ability. If the time did not work for them, then I do not know why they even suggested doing it at 2 PM. This challenge would have gone faster if I had done everything myself. In the end, though, I hope this helps in me staying in the game because I am a necessity if they want to ever win a challenge in first place. I highly doubt that they could do it without me.

So I’m currently writing this with one hand because my cat decided to lie on my other one  anyways Nobody is really talking about the vote which means it’s probably me going but I’ll see what I can do to change that

Here's a breakdown of my first few experiences since I am writing this a few hours before the first tribal council.

FIRST I was cast in this game along with a BUNCH of people that are icons across different formats of Tumblr Survivor - so that's intimidating. Mostly because my play style is kinda vanilla in comparison. I gotta find a way to stand out or I'm going to be thrown out fast.

SECOND There's a twist that will probably have some major effect at some later point in the game where everyone is added to the Great Hall. I think that it's for convenience of posting things like results and challenges so it only has to be sent to one chat... but also so that we can feel THEMATIC which is a lot of fun.

The game started in the Great Hall and we got sorted into our houses and the implication was that it's random but.. I don't think it's entirely true if I can read into what the hosts said to me once I was sorted into Gryffindor (something about running out of room in Hufflepuff) - because I definitely didn't say Gryffindor in my application.

THIRD My tribe has the following people: Joshua, Juls, Raffy, Autumn, and myself. 

I do not know how many of theme said Gryffindor when they applied but also did not want to bring it up to them as I am masquerading as a brave idiot. :D

Anyway, I started conversations with all of them and they all seem very sweet!!

I've played in a game before with Raffy where he was super snakey but also a great ally until he tried to snake me. So there's that... he's also an "over the top" type of person so he takes charge a lot of the time and voices his opinions about everything. I hope we can create some sort of working relationship in the game, but I think that he will tell me the truth if he does align against me.

Autumn is super chill and super strategic-minded. She puts lots of thought into all of her decisions and makes calls that benefit her getting to the end while trying to align with the right people. If I can't get to the FTC of this game... TBH I want to make sure she gets there. I played with her in one game and we both were tossed out one after another when the game turned on our "side". I don't think that relationship will factor into this game as it was forever ago and we both kinda play "new" every time we start a game but I'm hoping she will want to try and play with me just because I've seen how great she is at the game.

Juls is a very fun person who seems to always be having a great time! I found out she lives in Texas too and that she was excited to get to know me because we are from the same state. I was like.. do I know you? Because when she messaged me the way she did implied that she knew who I was and I was thinking OH NO what have people said.

Joshua seems really sweet. He hasn't added incredibly much to conversations so far with him but he has contributed some fun things. I love that he tries to be entertaining, but as I see it so far he's the first person I'd be willing to vote out if it came to our tribe going to council... though of course, having said that I bet they've all declared me their first choice.

FOURTH The reward challenge was the Letter plus Number challenge so as predicted...

I did terribly and earned 0 points for our tribe and was SO happy it was not for immunity.

The immunity challenge was a Choose Your Own Adventure Puzzle.

We got a slow start in that I feel like everyone was afraid to make a move because that would put a target on whoever "failed for the team". Then me and Raffy kind of got things rolling with him taking the main leader role and me taking on a secondary role either agreeing with his suggestions or contributing a suggestion for what we should do.

There was a misunderstanding with the competition and we ended up making a whole bunch of extra moves because it was unclear to us that the letters we found at a later part of the challenge were able to be changed into numbers at a lockbox so we did a bunch of extra stuff... and I was resigned to the fact we were going to the first tribal when we go surprised that Slytherin... DID WORSE!!! O_O

Anyway... I still have no alliances or confirmed "working game" relationships and I really don't feel like starting those conversations at the moment so if I am out of the ones established or on the bottom of one that will add me to "pick me up" for later votes then I blame myself for not trying hard enough in that category.

FIFTH I definitely didn't just now search for the idol and waste two days that I could have searched other times. Nope! Not me!! :)

Anyway I went on a trip to Hagrid's Hut because I love me some Hagrid and I figured he'd let me in since I"m a Gryffindor and he loves us the best (you know, like a reverse Snape)... I dug through all of his junk and found his umbrella. Apparently I liked that it was pink and then left his hut. 

To be honest, I probably should have taken his dragon's egg and turned him in... maybe could have gotten him fired.

Someone finally got me to come out of retirement- can you believe it

It's been cute so far and I have no complaints, probably cause the hosts wisely put me, Owen, and Dan in separate corners lmao. Yooo if we all make it to merge?? Hell hath no fury. But we will cross that bridge when we get there! And for now I enjoy the calm before the storm. I deadass forgot how to be an org so I need all the time I can get to socialize and reacclimate. Me checking Skype more than once a year? Don't remember ever doing that. I love Raffy, it's always good to see Chips, I think I like Juls, and I'm not sure how I feel about Joshua but it's fine. I like Gryffindor cause we have no beef and I hope it stays that way.

ok so my tribe lost :( big sad. but im def ok bc jess is soooo close to me and we made a threesome with nick so. i think jessie is an easy first boot bc shes not around as much as vi. but really its our decision at the end of the day!

here’s the hot goss.. i’m a little upset i didn’t get anyone i Know on my house/tribe but also grateful HSBSNSNN all i know is that so far i’ve been doing pretty solid in securing relationships with those on my team (at least.. i hope so :flushed:) and i’m hoping they all like me hehe. kinda praying to just mist my way to merge where i can be united with people who like me enough to keep me around still.. >:D