#i'm lost and don't understand a thing
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Pregnancy as a kink makes me uncomfortable so man am I glad your pregg Flug stuff is explicitly not kink oriented!
yeah I... don't wanna judge anyone... but it's more than that, it's downright terrifying to me. Blame my hormones bc I'm expecting irl but wow... I'm very sensitive and it feels dehumanizing. but ig that is kinda the point of the kink(?)
it's so common in fandoms!
I'm completely vanilla anyway tho, so not surprising.
I've tried to pretend for a super long time that I'm into kink, but most of them are off putting and I consider them intrusive thoughts, not fantasies. I'm kinda fluctuating between sex-repulsed and neutral (aroace) even fictional... ig kink just isn't for me. I tried so hard to get over it. I know some people in my asks/requests are gonna be disappointed but I'm sorry💔
I'm slightly ashamed of how boring I am and I have serious trouble connecting to anyone in fandoms due to this actually🤕 feel like the most NT autistic person ever.
anyway here's a doodle!
#that's autism for you#I'm sadly really picky and easily grossed out by things#I'm not even trying to be judgemental#I wish I was such a person that is just chill with everything but I have more icks than likes#so my fandom experience is like 80% discomfort and trying to avoid things without shutting out the majority of content in the first place#from what I heard I seem to have this problem particularly in this fandom bc the series is horror.#and I ship a toxic ship.#but I neither enjoy horror nor this trope. so what the fuck am I doing here#how did I get here. I'm lost guys#but yeah; it naturally attracts more people that are into quite dark or hardcore things#and I'm just sitting here with my soft dick in my hand wondering where it all went wrong#i don't belong here#I can't relate to 99% of people#honestly? I just... like Flug....... I just adore the autistic scientist#and I wanna SMOOCH him but I can't identify too well with myself or thus my sona#so how the fuck am I gonna smooch and love on this man#I need SOME second character for this!!#well Black Hat is pretty cool and easier to draw than the rest; I like his design...#so here we are.#I'm not really in it with my heart. I don't understand the essence of this ship. I'm a fandom blep#that's why a lot of content is probably disturbing and upsetting as hell to me.#but that's just my theroy..... a Joshi™ theory#sorry for rant I am bored and tired😔#enjoy#villainous#villanos#dr flug#kenning flugslys#my art#ask reply
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Something I think is extremely interesting thematically when it comes to connecting what Downfall and the ideas it tackled to the overarching narrative of campaign three is that the things Downfall made a point to showcase of Aeor—Cassida, Hallis, the visual of an aeormaton proposing to her partner, the specific and intentional decision to shed light on a far from insignificant amount of the population being civilians or refugees—is that it plays in perfect parallel across from what is happening (and, really, has been happening) to the ruidusborn on Exandria in present.
Bear with me for a moment. Aeor is ultimately a city that was collectively punished for the decisions of its leadership. We could (and, judging by the amount of discourse around this particular topic already, probably will) argue about what the Gods’ motivation for all of this was—whether it be that they could not, in the end, bear to kill their siblings or that they were terrified at the prospect of mortality—for me it is a very healthy dose of both—but for this I am much more interested in the latter. They were scared. That, really, is the driving force behind both this arc and their role in c3 as a whole.
Why I point this out is: It is far more interesting to me, especially as we go back to Bells Hells this week, to dissect the Gods and their decisions not purely on sympathetic motivation alone but as beings in the highest seat of power in the highest social class in Exandria.
So, having established that the Gods (in relation to mortals) are more a higher social class than anything we could compare to our real life understanding of divinity and that Aeor was eviscerated largely because of their fear—what is the difference between those innocents in Aeor caught in the trappings of their autocratic government leadership and a divine war on the ground, and those of the ruidusborn being manipulated both by Ludinus and by the very thing that inspired such visceral fear in the Gods to start with. I would argue very little.
I think of Cassida, doing what she genuinely thought was right and good and would save people, her son, and the object of her worship—and how that did not matter enough to any of them to spare her because of the fear they held at the very concept of mortality. I think of Liliana and Imogen, one of which we know begged for the gods to help her or send her a sign for years on years, and how every single one of their largest struggles could have been avoided had the gods loved them, their supposed children, as much as they feared what they could be. I think of how the thing that did save Imogen, in the end, was a woman who herself existed in direct defiance of the gods will. I think of that young boy, sixteen years old, that Laudna exalted on Ruidus.
I think it’s completely fair to judge Aeor’s overall society as deeply corrupt—it was!—but its leadership and police force are not a reflection of every one of its citizens. Similarly, it is fair to judge the Ruby Vanguard as corrupt—it is!—but its multiple heads of leadership and even the god-eater further are not a reflection of every one of its members.
Notably, and what I think the Hells will latch onto, this did not matter to the Gods. It did not matter that Cassida was trying to help. She was still too much of a risk. Will it matter, what Imogen does? Will it matter, if that young boy is in the blast radius when they decide to take no further chances?
I’ve seen a lot of people say that the Hells will side with the gods and I don’t think I agree. Especially as Imogen has been scolded and villainized over and over for daring to try and save her mother—who herself has been seen by some as an irredeemable evil in spite of her drive being the exact same—her family—but when it’s the Gods it’s justified? When it’s the Gods, it’s sympathetic? Too sympathetic to criticize further than “they’re family”?
I obviously do not think the Gods should die or be eaten or what have you, and I certainly don’t agree with Ludinus (though I find him much more compelling than just a variation of hubris wizard), but when talking about the Gods in Aeor and in present it isn’t really at all about their motivation or their family. It can’t be. Too many people, including our active protagonists, lives have been effected for it to be as cut and dry as “they’re family”. These are your children. They are your family, too.
#critical role#cr meta#cr spoilers#critical role spoilers#imogen temult#liliana temult#ludinus da'leth#does this make sense. I feel like i lost my initial thread somewhere around the middle bc my brain is currently spread very thin#but tldr: it is extremely interesting to me that the fall of aeor is such a perfect parallel to the ruidusborn#i could also go on endlessly ENDLESSLY about how cassida and liliana play the exact same role#and also i could go on even longer on what divinity as a concept even means in a world like exandria#and how trying to compare it to our real life understanding of divinity is a bit fruitless#on the basis that a person can become a god alone but also that they themselves undeniably exist#but its so good. it ties in so well. brennan did a fucking fantastic job at capturing the abject horror of it all#also aabria iyengar if you can hear me PLEASE bring deanna back i will send you fifty dollars#and also hello i very briefly said hello at the live show and wanted to tell you how incredible i think you are but alas#where did these tags go#anyway#WOAH this is long. I should’ve been writing fic. alas.#really I don't think any of the hells are gonna be able to just. gloss over the casualties of it all. but especially mog and ashton and lau#tal has even already said that downfall made some things better for ash and some things Worse so I know I'm not too far off#I have. many many thought on how laudna will see it all too.#truly think she is going to be the most vocally horrified
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I don't see this talked about often in the english side of the fandom, as this tidbit got lost in translation, but:
In the japanese versions for both texts and voice lines in the middle-aged opposites venet, kabu addresses larry with "—kun (くん)" in their second meeting in front of the restaurant. It's a japanese honorific to address someone who is a junior than you, in terms of either age or work experience/status. Inferring from this, kabu may either (1) be slightly older than larry in age (as I think they both have equal years of experience, just that larry happened be slightly superior to kabu in terms of their workplace status because he is also an elite four member), (2) be that friendly and warm as a person that he calls larry with "—kun (くん)" right away in the second part of their event's story, or (3) both.
Take what you will from this, friends! 🫡
#you guys don't know that i'm still STUCK thinking about this long after the event is gone. i'm still freezing when my mind reminds me every#so often that the first thing we hear from the japanese trailer is kazuhiko inoue yelling アオキくん like... oh they're besties already? 😭💖#i wish honorifics and the way a person refers to themselves don't get lost in translation. it actually adds so much depth to the characters#my n5 jlpt ass is already in heaven even with my limited understanding 😭😭😭 one day i will play pokemon games in jp fluently!!!!#anyway yeah. kabu looked at larry and went 'you're my friend now!' even though they don't have to be buddy-buddy for this event :')#and the fact that larry tolerates it (when he's probably addressed with —san all the time) and even grows to enjoy kabu's presence... 🥺#pokemas yaoi is so big-brained. i hope whoever wrote the middle-aged opposites events got a huge raise due to its popularity!!!!#gym leader kabu#elite four larry#gym leader larry#pokemon kabu#pokemon larry#pokemon masters ex#pmex#pokemon masters#pokemas#pokemas spoilers#pmex spoilers#pokemon masters ex spoilers#pokemon masters spoilers#pokemon sword and shield#pokemon swsh#swsh#pokemon scarlet and violet#pokemon scarvio#scarvio#galar#paldea#pasio#silverstreakshipping
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I love you smile lines and worry lines and grey and white hair and wrinkles and purple spiderweb veins and the process of aging and living in a body that is standing the test of times. I love you experiences that make you wiser and stories that make you laugh, and every little process that happens to get to the point where you have so many memories because you have the fortune to be here and be so radiant
#positivity#pro aging#also i hate you 'anti aging' scams that capitalize on fear of aging. death by 1000000 papercuts for ye#saw a hair video where they restored the salt-and-pepper colour in an older clients hair and it looked SO GOOD at the end#i love when people throw in the towel and embrace their aging however that looks#it isn't productive to shame people who are ashamed of aging and i just want to. celebrate aging#in a world that simultaneously venerates youth and adulthood and hates BOTH you need to find some sense of freedom#as a Young Adult(tm) please please PLEASE older folks seeing this/following me know that i look up to you#older folks i need you to know that your worth NEVER diminished when you added a new number on your birthday cake#and your body and mind and soul NEVER lost worth because it started to creak a little at the joints#and i might be wrong about this because i'm still young but it can be SO tempted to miss your youth when you feel like...#...you've somehow LOST part of yourself by growing older. and so much of aging is about change and some things don't stay the same...#...and that IS scary and i will never once fault somebody for that. but please don't fall into the trap that because you've aged that...#...you somehow have forever lost fundamental pieces of Who You Are and you could never come back from that...#...for your own sake and sanity you deserve to find comfort and solice and understanding in who you still are...#...because you are still - at the core - the same. you can never take this away from yourself#and i know this might ring hollow because i just don't get what it's like to be older#but i have looked at my elders and felt awe at their age and their experiences#and i know what that is like and it's awesome. i just wish more older people knew that so many of us look at you with awe...#...and - if you can believe it - some of us ENVY your age or experiences or even body#i'm watching an 'older' content creator (older by internet standards 🙄) and i envy him for how eventful his life was#i envy that he experienced a different world - one that i have only heard about from my dad because i was too young to remember it#and i admire this person for their wisdom and thoughts because they've come from his experiences living in a Different World#it's that type of stuff that makes me unafraid to keep on living#inspired by following somebody like. twice my age posting about their excitement abiut growing older and !!!!!!! YEAHHHHHH#didn't realize they were closer to my dad's age but that's so cool???????????
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I just want my passion back man idk why that's so much to ask for
#pom ponders#personal#my favorite part of the day used to be any extra time i had to write#i desperately miss the days where i woke up early all on my own excited because it meant extra time to write#now even just thinking about writing can make me so tired and drained#i can't write anymore and I'm so upset about it#I've spent the last four months sobbing because it's basically ruined for me#i was so happy...i want it back#i still have stories to tell and i love them so much#but trying to get them out has turned into a chore and i feel like I've lost a part of myself#some days i feel so sick over it that i can barely eat#I've lost so much sleep over this#it's not fair...i didn't do anything wrong...#I'm still being punished for doing what was ultimately the right thing and i don't understand#i want to want to write again#delete later
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I know I joked about DVDs but in all seriousness, I'm really glad that there's an option for watching VODs that isn't on Twitch and YouTube. It's been mentioned a few times today, but both of the interfaces of these platforms have been increasingly enshittified. I simply do not use YouTube anymore because of how horrid the interface is. I caught up on campaign 2 entirely on YouTube (and sometimes via podcast) in 2019 with no issues, but it is straight up maddening trying to use it now, and I don't know that I would have made it through the campaign if I was trying to catch up today.
I absolutely understand being tired of additional streaming services and I am absolutely in the same boat, but I also don't know how many people really recognize how gutted media distribution has become in the last ten years in the name of convenience. We all kind of realize it, but it's hard to grasp just how extensive it is. We can talk about independent business choices separately, and we should, but when the only platforms on which you have the option to distribute your work are at best frustrating to use and at worst hostile to human life, when monetization services can censor anyone they please with little explanation and have been cracking down on any content they arbitrarily deem inappropriate, when it is not clear that centralized conglomerate social media sites will continue to exist in the next year let alone decade, it is genuinely crucial for independent creators to start building alternative avenues of distribution that they control now.
#this is not about discussing the independent business choices but just for the record#i do think the way this has been handled thus far is solid and extremely reasonable.#and also i do think people would've lost it if dropout had not started largely subscriber-only and made that decision later.#just saying. I 100% think dropout's model is reasonable but they are STILL more restrictive in subscriber-exclusive content than this is#frankly at this point I do tend to favor creators who actually exhibit some business savvy cuz like#I don't necessarily presume that others will be in the space long term and i just don't have that much time to get invested in things#also cuz imo those people also tend to understand format better which is my vibe lol so there are other reasons but#i did work at a digital media company for five years and felt like fucking cassandra over literally this issue exactly so like#I'm not here to claim that I'm an expert but I do get it#the current situation SUCKS and trying to get through it is like threading a needle during an earthquake. while you're on fire.
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( random conversation I thought of, not sure if it's something that I would consider canon. Might be ooc for characters)
Blue: Aaaaand that's everything that happened today! Which.... isn't a lot but whatever.
Red: ....
Blue: .....( Leans back) Sooooooooo. How's things for you? You haven't, ah, really said much since you came back down Mt. Silver...( Tries to perk up a bit,forcing a smile) You're usually such a chatter box, you know?! Gotta be something interesting for ya today, right?
Red: .....
Blue: ........( Grimaces slightly, still trying to keep smiling. His voices lowers, as if the whole world would hear if he goes any louder) Come on Red, you- throw me a bone here, something-
Red: ( his eyebrows furrow slightly) .....
Blue: ( immediately back pedals) O-only if you wanna, I don't - you don't - ( he sighs, exasperated) Green? H-have you at least talked to Green?
Red: ( he flinches at that. The punch to his face still fresh in his mind. It was a year ago. And even so-) .....
Blue: ( he should back off. He really should-) Your mom? Have you at least talked to your mom?
Red: ( that causes him to outright glare at his....friend? Rival? Babysitter? What are they now? He doesn't know. But he doesn't like this conversation.) . . . .
Blue: R-right! Right, of course you- ( he takes in a breath. Why does he feel so sweaty.) Sorry. Sorry, that was just- Let's just forget I said anything, yeah?
Red: ( his glare softens, looking at his....whatever they are to each other, with concern. He doesn't know if he'll get used to Blue Oak apologizing for anything ever. He raises his hand to sign-)
Blue: ( he raises his hand before Red does, eyes pleading) Let's just forget I said anything, okay? ( Please )
Red: ..... ( He lowers his hand. He hates the look blue is giving him. He blames himself for it, as always) ( Okay )
#so. okay.#the idea is that this is red post mt. silver. maybe like. a few weeks in?#red is struggling to readjust and blue is being. very cautious about his friend. perhaps too much#blue wants to help but doesn't know how. doesn't want to overstep. doesn't want red to run away again bc he scared him off#red doesn't know what he's doing. he's scared. he doesn't know what to think of others. green punched him a year ago#and Blue is acting weird ever since he got back down#he doesn't even know if they're rivals anymore. if they're still friends#( blue n green both have visited red on the mountain for a year before he finally came down )#( of course they're still friends. they want to be friends again. but red latches onto their rage and hurt and uses it against himself)#Red and Blue even back in their old rivarly prided themselves in being able to understand each other#no word necessary. that just got each other.#but now thar connection seems to be....lost?#they don't know how to talk to each other. too scared to do so.#so there's cases like these where Blue is trying to push but not wanting to ruin things ( more than he already has)#and Red who is beyond scared to really. have these conversations even if he hates seeing Blue like this. with him specifically.#and they both just agree to. not talk about it. ignore the pushing. for now anyway#again i'm not entirely sure if this is the direction I want for these two post mt. silver#but this conversation came to me so ( shrugs)#r rambles#legendverse#reguri#trainer red#trainer blue#rival blue#tldr of all those tags: red and blue are teens who don't exactly know how to communicate and navigate their feelings just yet
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ngl it makes me want to die a little bit that it's so often trans people who feel that sex is mutable but oppression is always-forever based on asab in ways that allow them to demand that information from other trans people. like it feels fucking bad. it feels bad when it's people holding up someone who posts a lot of selfies as transition goals to a degree they have to clarify what they have or haven't done or what "direction" they're going in, it feels worse when people are out there like "caster semenya is not tma" or whatever the fuck. i am, as always, not a trans woman, but here's a sentiment echoed by many of the trans women around me who log the fuck off, quoted directly from one: "people who draw a clear line where they say that semenya or khelif are tme and then call me tma are just calling me male at this point".
like i get it. i really do. we seek community and shared experiences, and we feel betrayed when people have less in common with us than we thought they did. [*more on this later.] but that's not those people's faults and my god in the case i'm seeing play out on twitter rn this poor person did absolutely nothing to intentionally mislead people, just posted pictures of their actual kid self. who looks a lot like i did, because shockingly enough "we can always tell" doesn't fucking work for trans people either!
on the one hand i move in intersex circles which are unapologetically welcoming in cis "dyadic" people with pcos, because it serves nobody to draw a clear line where mutilation or genetics or some ineffable childhood suffering are what make somebody intersex, especially when most of us (esp in places like nz) have never been karyotyped and are being treated for symptoms without a pinned-down cause anyway. the more of us there are the stronger we are, the more pressure we can exert on a medical profession which doesn't like to consider how common outliers are, how uneasy sex is at all. and then on the other hand there's dyadic trans people on the internet who've yelled me out of spaces because a couple of traumatised incarcerated trans women i worked with as a prison abolitionist assumed i was also a trans woman and i didn't immediately tell them my entire csa-involved history of being sexed in varying ways as an infant and child and/or exactly how big my phallus was at birth or where in my junk config my urethra lives so they could decide i was tme or whatever.
returning to the * for a related but not identical thought: i think presuming shared experiences leads to some fucked shit in general! "oh we all had a radfem phase" or "oh we all were channers" no we fucking weren't and it's particularly obnoxious when me & mine are trying to build trans community locally to organise and resist the growing wave of far-right backlash against our existence, and there's just white people in there on a spectrum from "straight up being antisemitic and trying to get the n-word pass" through "handwringing about how they need to make space for people who aren't politically correct" to "handwringing about how brown people are right to be mad at them but doing shit fuckall". and then the other fucking brown people in the space are on some identity politics shit where they're like "trans joy inherently excludes those of us who could get deported" or "big city white queers are killing us by being visible instead of going stealth bc it stirs up the discourse" or whatever the fuck i've heard pulled out this year. there's a bunch of reasons i primarily organise outside of trans spaces and that's one of them. i've never felt more alone in spaces where people claim we're all the same than being left as the brownest moderator or organiser in a space full of people to whom "this is a safe trans space" apparently means they get to abdicate all other responsibilities not to lapse into presumed shared patterns that are fucking racist or otherwise alienating. i've never felt more alone than surrounded by exclusively trans people who sort people into boxes and assume everyone in those boxes has the transition goals they have. like i was on cypro until it disagreed with me to the point of endocrine crisis and now i'm on t and at both those points people were so fucking presumptive or entitled to my reasons or journey or personal relationship w my body
literally just submitted on (and was invited to consult on) the nz law commission's review of the human rights act and like. it's straight up fucked how many nz trans people fully do not comprehend that any "sex assigned at birth" type definitions fundamentally exclude migrants who have no way of proving it and many intersex people who happen to have been reassigned later or many times or never assigned at all as a baby. we can't make law with this shit and that's why we have to have symmetrical protections for all genders/sexes/expressions/presentations, bc naming and defining a protected class here often leaves the people who already are left out from those shared experiences of marginalisation out in the cold when they face violence
#reblogs turned off because obviously i'm already bracing to be pilloried for saying one thing not quite correctly or whatever#and also bc i have zero interest in having this be boosted by trans dudes on their own transandrophobia agenda either#i'm just venting#but frankly the first time i got yelled at for saying that as an intersex person some of the immense violence i experienced as a child#was motivated by transmisogyny#i was a teenager and it was someone a fair bit older than me with more local clout so like. it's been a decade. how is it worse now.#intersex spaces have made SO much progress and yet#also yes i'm femme! i'm femme in a trans way! many dykes who aren't women are!#many of us got more comfortable w it as adults who had gender agency!#in literally the same way it took my wife ages after transitioning to work out she's also butch and doesn't actually want to do femme thing#bc that's a shared experience in how we've navigated the expectations of womanhood before opting out of the parts we don't want!#anyway the lawcomm shit was fucked bc honestl i don't give a shit if someone lost their gonads as an adult in an accident#they should be protected even if they don't consider themselves intersex#and we know that gender as an axis of oppression comes back to the reproduction of the nuclear family#and that cis women who can't have kids sometimes become the political football though ofc not as much by far and like#idk. y'all ever heard about solidarity? sometimes i feel like i'm back in the place where the loudest traumatised person at the party#is yelling at another young woman like “you'll never understand what it's like to be a victim”#when said young woman was assaulted the week before.#a politics that starts by defending and defining oneself w oppression kinda fucking sucks actually#and intersex people stopped policing intersexness by who got mutilated a long time ago#bc actually we want the generations ahead to not get that treatment#and when i see “trans elders” going on about how “if you pass and got on hrt before 18 you're not trans like i am” i'm like. why! what!#anyway. tired.#may regret this. we shall see#tony muses
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I never stop thinking about them.
SEND ME ART REQUESTS BOY
#yeah this is basically an art dump#just a bunch of miscellaneous doodles#that last one is from when I first made the au. I do like. basically doodle sheets. if you understand#there's a bunch of other stuff that I marked out that's why there's a bunch of empty space at the top#if you recognize the individual things from it. no you don't.#god for some reason I think I'm fucking ALLERGIC to using reference. of like any kind#the only one I used anyreference for was the. snowball one which was a pose#also btw I'm trying to break out of a bit of art block teehee#anyways.#spenxer lou art#lou is an artist#fma au#I need to make an actual tag for this au but I'll do it later. when I pin down a name#I really like tongued alchemist. . . it's funny#roleswap au#fma#fmab#fullmetal alchemist#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood#alphonse elric#edward elric#traditional art#writhes around on the floor#I have a short comic idea for Ed. because I like making them talk about their feelings sometimes#but Idk if I wanna do it rn. . .we'll see#it's been on my mind#AUUAGHHUHUH Also I lost. my favorite mechanical pencil at a waffle house#I'm so fucking sad about it#I'm going to the craft store tomorrow tho so. fingers crossed#I think. I can stop now. falls to the floor and rolls away like a log
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I think it'd be kinda interesting if Marx, after becoming part God-Clock, is unable to rest. After all, if a part of the Nova lives on in him, it'd surely be running to try do repairs or archive data, and this would mean Marx has developed long term insomnia. The reason this is bad is due to Marx being a Noddy, a group known entirely for sleeping. Imagine trying to get immense power, having a battle you lose in a way you can never truly understand, then lose the activity you love most as a part of you isn't really You anymore.
No wonder Marx went crazy.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH (/POS)
>DESS.EXE HAS STOPPED FUNCTIONING
#sorry sorry sorry sorry I don't mean to freak out like this but this plays into all my clockwork jester sensibilities so hard?!?#He's a clock he can't sleep he's a clock he can't sleep he's a....#Marx hates boredom and boring stuff like number crunching...#...and now his mind is host to history's longest defrag and virus scan of a computer that is THE SIZE OF A PLANET#All those numbers and files and it won't stop because it's sharing his body forever now and is the thing keeping him alive#He just wanted to have fun; a little mischief; a funny prank#'a battle he has lost in a way he can never truly understand'#!!! The phrasing on this has shot an arrow into my heart !!!#Do you think he challenges Kirby to rematches or otherwise engages in jerkish behavior so people will KNOCK HIM OUT?#:must physically pass out to get any kind of sleep:#Marx is such a mood in that way tbh#Also hi I'm DesultoryNovice and it is not physically nor mentally healthy to become one of my precious blorbos ; w ;#(I like the light at the end of the tunnel too though!)#(...But it's a really long tunnel sometimes...)#This btw is one of those asks that's right up my alley
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Something I've seen a couple people saying is that they want to make sure that Laudna understands that she's not the only one who has been through trauma. But like. Laudna is not the only one who needs to learn that lesson. Actually, it's not even that Laudna needs to learn that she's not the only one that's been through trauma at all, because they're all very aware of what they've all been through. This became an inevitable confrontation when Laudna decided to let Delilah back in, though, and after rewatching the scene, I actually think the only people who managed this situation correctly were Imogen* and Ashton.
Orym and Laudna are both more focused on their own pasts with the sword and not thinking about each other. Orym should have talked to the group and come to a decision with them about using the sword and Laudna should have talked to him about it instead of trying to steal it.
*my feelings about this are still up in the air don't read into this too much
#our faves aren't exempt from having to learn these lessons and orym has also not learned this lesson i'm sorry but it's true#ashton and chet are the only ones who have even tried to deal with their personal shit in a semi-productive way tbh#i could elaborate on the imogen handling this correctly but i'm not delving into interpreting that ship so i'm not going to lol#that's another post people wouldn't actually like and it's because i definitely don't mean this in the way you think i mean it#i'm not saying laudna was RIGHT#honestly i'm not getting my hopes up about how this going to be dealt with because i've done that before#and it hasn't panned out in a way that i enjoyed#so we'll see how this goes#also tbh orym walking in wielding that sword was a ballsy move to begin with#props to marisha for instigating tough rp over it#literally laudna going 'i was felled by this blade' and orym going 'so was i' LIKE SHE WASN'T PERMANENTLY DEAD THOUGH#for a long fucking time#and chet saying that orym's lost more like laudna didn't lose her entire family and her entire life lmao#if ANYONE in this group might be able to understand orym's loss it's HER#i know people are going to interpret this as me saying there's a right or wrong to this and i'm not saying that#people acting like one of them had more of a right to the sword than the other is bugging me though#although my vote would definitely be throw that thing in the lucidean ocean#(i mean really i'm like USE IT IT'S PROBABLY COOL) but like if i were IN the situation it would be to toss that thing so far away from me#cr spoilers
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oh my god, and of course 99% of complaints about Natlan characters' designs come from people who "fix" characters from other nations by blackwashing them
I myself would love to see bigger diversity in genshin, but they're forgetting that 1) there are white people in the countries Natlan is based on (same goes for Sumeru btw) & 2) hoyoverse is a CHINESE company making games mainly for ASIAN market, where pale skin is a beauty standard, they don't care about representation or what western fans think
can't wait for Snezhnaya only to read the most ridiculous things about Slavic nations or (in case if hoyo gonna fuck it up) that white online knights don't care about us, because we're too white and not exotic enough, so we don't need proper representation
#genshin impact#natlan#pau.txt#funfact: i lost one of the polish mutuals on twt due to this post lol#can't wait till they see it here and do the same thing again lol#so to clarify: I DO NOT DEFEND HOYO I'M JUST BEGGING ALL OF YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT REPRESENTATION AND WHAT YOU THINK
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Are there colors in OMG! Vampire?
Um . . .
No?
But I am getting the rainbow IKEA bag since IKEA is for the queers!
And I'm getting Big kisses!
Which is always pleasing since I want him to kiss ALL the homies.
Sidenote: his character cannot be dead and I think his "twin" is him since the twin asked for Poom's number.
Because if there really are colors in this show, it'd be real convenient for a character to change his color
And see the light after he takes someone else's life.
Because that is the saddest part of all of this is that people have to die for them to cross over, and even though I feel bad for homeboy being left behind, his person is going to meet his ending soon too.
And these store-brand Twilight parents saying they have sex like rabbits to cover up for the kids helped to lighten up the fact that the kids are about to be hunted by the vampire po-po.
So thank goodness these two can realize they like each other before all hell breaks loose!
But seriously, are they color coded boys in love because my eyes are unsure?
#omg! vampire#do the colors mean things?#are they color coded boys in love?#I'm not sure#it feels obvious#then again‚ I'm not sure#but I also don't understand some of this show#it's unserious but it had lore#and I'm kinda lost in the sauce#But at least I have BIG#and it's serving the IKEA queers
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I don't know how you've all experienced the year 2024, but I barely witnessed it, and I've been fighting for my life
#I've been in a constant state of flight and stress#there's been disaster after disaster#I didn't do a lot of fun things#and the things I did#I didn't enjoy very much or I don't remember them#I remember them as a fact (a mark on my calendar) but barely a memory let alone a feeling#I lost motivation for work and I fucked up a lot#my highs and lows have changed six times a day#like biblical proportions mood swings#lots of anger and sadness but they've barely registered either#way too much awareness in the present which was overwhelming but I haven't remembered them afterwards#or it just felt insignificant and boring#lots of doubts about myself lots of questions#it's been one crazy fucking year#usually I have some big grand plan or idea of how I want to do better next year#but now I'm just like ehh#which just raises more questions about wtf is wrong with me :)#haven't had a single day where I didn't wake up with a tension headache or pain in my neck or shoulders#or a single day amongst people where I didn't get agitated angry hurt feeling rejected#which hasn't happened all that much the past ten years so that's crazy#lots of old feelings. that I can handle now. no breakdowns or extreme sadness#it's just weird i dont understand myself at the moment#too lazy to grab my journal#(have been too lazy/bored/tired all year to spend any time on hobbies)#so the big rant goes here#I hope in 2025.... I get to calm the fuck down#i dont have a big plan or idea. I just want peace... and enjoyment...#looking back at my resolutions for 2024 is sad#im like that was me only a year ago what Happened?#personal
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i know you're probably not into maleficent/aurora anymore, but since you were like THE malora writer, i'm curious in what do you think would happen to maleficent when aurora dies? either from natural causes like old age or somethiing terrible happened
My friend, this is so kind of you to say!! This is also, unfortunately, MY JAM LOL
So in my personal interpretation, I think once Aurora became more sure of herself and the relationship, she would learn (passively, not even really thinking of it as such) to de-fuse Maleficent a lot of the time. Maleficent is naturally temperamental and always about 3 bad steps away from starting a fight. Once Aurora learns that this is just sort of how she is and she isn't actually mad, and doesn't even usually mean anything by it, Aurora learns to just kind of skillfully sidestep like 99% of Maleficent's bad moods. As a result, because she isn't being fought at every turn, Maleficent (also without realizing it) calms down a LOT, and tends to stop seeing everything as a challenge or threat, even from ppl who are not Aurora. This mostly just freaks ppl out, because you know she always seems super calm until she is suddenly Not LOL, and the average person does not know how to tell Maleficent's "actually calm" from her "quietly seething."
Additionally, while I believe that Maleficent operates on her own code of ethics and doesn't just do whatever, I also think her ethics and what she considers "wrong" differ significantly from where the average human would draw the line. As she grows more comfortable in her relationship with Aurora, I think she would be surprisingly willing to draw lines where Aurora wants her to, at least most of the time, because in her mind, e.g. not harassing someone who mildly annoyed her is important to Aurora, while it's not that important to Maleficent.
However, I think both of these changes, no matter how long Aurora lives, are utterly temporary. Once Aurora is gone, Maleficent will go back to the way she was before, if not ultimately worse, because in a sense kindness will remind her of Aurora, and I don't think she will ever reach a place where that is a good thing for her.
I think Maleficent's first reaction would be a kind of desperate fury, sort of like a wounded wild animal but with very powerful magic. She would be absolutely terrorizing the countryside, especially anyone she perceived to be responsible. It's almost worse if Aurora dies of old age, because then the fault in her mind would lie with...everything, the nature of life itself. This phase could last forever, depending on other factors, and I think it would be a very long time before Maleficent is even slightly functional again.
Even in eg. Prisoner-verse where Maleficent has other friends, I can see her getting into terrible fights with almost all of them. Girl can be next-level vicious when she wants to be, and even if her friends have known grief, most of them don't know exactly what she's going through, and therefore from Maleficent's perspective are not in a position to comment. Also I think "Aurora wouldn't want you to live like this" or similar would be like, the worst possible thing you could say to her, and might send her spiraling into a murderous rage all over again, because how DARE you presume to tell her what Aurora would want?
I am really a sucker for these kinds of villain backstories LOL, you can play me the same tune over and over and I will never get tired of it. I think the only kind of person who could reach Maleficent would be someone who's sort of similar to Aurora, at least in unfailing kindness. I'm imagining someone just trying to save her village or w/e from being razed to the ground showing sympathy to Maleficent for her lost love, and Maleficent showing just the smallest amount of mercy in memory of Aurora, even if ultimately she hasn't changed or healed at all. (oh my godddddd don't look at me I want to write this now lol)
So anyway, it was 5:30 in the morning, a very normal time to be awake, and I was thinking, well, would anyone in Prisoner-verse be able to calm her down at all? I think she and Kinsale would absolutely get into a really bad fight, and Zenovia would try to be chill about it but she would also pretty quickly be like okay well talk to me when you've calmed down lol. And then I realized............
--
“Hey.”
Maleficent doesn’t move. She doesn’t know how long she’s been sitting here. Odd, that she doesn’t feel a fresh wave of fury at Joy’s presence. Then again, perhaps she is simply too tired to feel much of anything.
“I’m not going to say anything.” Joy holds out her hands in a show of defense.
Maleficent inhales, sighs. Her throat is burning. She only distantly remembers the sound of screaming, and realizes now that the memory was of her own voice.
“Good,” says Maleficent. Joy of all people should know that there is nothing to say.
A long silence follows. Joy joins her on the floor some distance away, and pretends to train her gaze upon the fire.
“I do have one question, actually,” says Maleficent.
“Hm?”
Maleficent closes her eyes. She tries to imagine Joy the way she looked in pictures, with long, beautiful hair that she wore in intricate curls, and a radiant smile full of youthful mischief. “How did you…not…”
But words fail her. She holds out her hand, grasping at nothing.
“What,” says Joy, “burn down the world?”
Maleficent sighs again. It is as apt a question as any.
“Well, it was perhaps to my benefit that I am not nearly so powerful as you, Mistress Maleficent,” says Joy, although her characteristic attempt at wryness comes out remarkably strained. “I wouldn’t have gotten very far.”
Maleficent opens her eyes. The flames of the fire flicker and dance, enticing in their destruction. “I’m not sure I would have cared.”
Joy chuckles, dry and mirthless. “Yes, well,” she says. She does not continue.
Outside, a terrible wind howls, desperate and mournful. The windows rattle and the fire flickers low, casting them both in dramatic shadow.
Maleficent inhales. She closes her eyes again. “Does it ever…?”
The words catch in her throat. She already knows the answer.
“No,” says Joy quietly. A long silence follows. The embers from the fire crackle meekly, and the mournful wind falls deadly silent.
“But…I don’t know. You find…other reasons. To, you know…” She waves her hand vaguely at the fire, and stokes it back to life.
Maleficent shakes her head. Reasons? The word feels foreign, meaningless. “I don’t know that I ever had a reason for anything, before…”
Before her, she means to say, but she cannot. There was always a before her, yes, but now there is an after her. Everything from now on is after her, without her, and the mere idea of it is something akin to drowning, or perhaps slowly suffocating, deep underground, with the weight of the earth sinking down upon her chest. What did she do before? How did she live? However is she to live now, knowing what she has lost?
“Yeah,” says Joy simply.
Maleficent doesn’t know how long they sit together in silence after that. It hardly matters.
--
ANYWAY THANK YOU ANONYMOUS FRIEND I HAD FUN LOL
#character death cw#malora#maleficent x aurora#exciting tag for writing things#exciting tag for answered asks#fic:prisoner#char:joy#god i feel so bad LOL i'm like ahhh i don't really write malora anymore what if one of them DIED :) and now it's fun for me sdkjnfkdjsfnfds#the post editor gets worse every time i use it i stg#guys i'm reeeeeeeeeeally thinking about writing this#you don't understand give me a villain w a lost love who sees sth of their lost love in the protag and i go fucking feral EVERY TIME#one minute im normal the next minute i'm on the roof howling it's really bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space
i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !
#i inserted [disabled person] because they used a fucking slur instead and i didn't want that in my post#like i feel like there should be room for disabled people like me whose lives literally entirely depend on accessing said >#> extremely limited benefits in conversations about whether voting in this election makes you complicit in genocide#which like! i do understand. i do. it's nauseating to think about what this shit ass country is doing. it's horrific. i do not blame anyone#> for not wanting to be a part of that. *and* i am also terrified for my own life because i remember the first time trump won it suddenly >#> became IMPOSSIBLE for ANYONE to get on benefits. EVER. and so many disabled ppl i know went to renew benefits theyd had for decades >#> just to be denied. one of whom was a below-the-neck paraplegic. he died because he lost those benefits!!! because trump won#i really do understand why people dont feel right voting for harris. or why they don't vote at all. i truly do. but holy shit i am so scare#and yes! i am aware that people in palestine and gaza are suffering so much worse. and i wish i could change that#but every single person in power in the US is pro-israel and eagerly drinking the anti-palestine kool-aid. no matter who wins >#> things will not change in that part of the world. and it is infuriating. when the revolution comes this will change. but it hasnt.#the revolution will not save me as a physically disabled person. it will not save any of us. we do not matter to leftists. i am sorry but >#> this is the one thing i have learned after being in leftist spaces for over 10 years. and posts like the one i mentioned prove it#so i am very sorry. i really am. for being physically disabled. but i cannot survive another 4 years relying on my parents for everything#if trump wins i will be killing myself. this is a promise. i cannot do that again#i know it makes me a bad person to be afraid that harris will lose. but people on the left already think i'm a bad person for being disable#i want the genocide to stop. i absolutely do. i also want to survive. i am terrified that the US leftists will sacrifice disabled people#like me so they can feel good about being put in a real life trolley situation#again. im sorry. im so fucking sorry. i wish i was a better person. i wish i was able to give more. i know that if i was just a good#person i would be able to have a job and give to every palestinian gofundme on my dash. i would be able to do more than my daily clicks >#> and reaching out and calling representatives that don't care. if i was a good person i would be able to convince my parents that z*onism>#is deeply fucking racist. and that israel is wildly racist and killing palestinians for fun. if i was a good person i would be able to make#>them leftists too. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry im not good enough. im sorry that im scared. im so scared and it's not right for me to be#when so much worse is going on because of this countrys bloodlust. im sorry that im benefiting from being born here i dont want to be#im sorry for not having any other options. if i was a good person i know i would have them. im sorry. god im sorry im so fucking sorry
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