#i'm losing the suicide war rn

[icedmetaltea]

Heat-induced anxiety comin back full swing woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

What's more is I think the multivitamins I started taking a couple days ago have caffeine cause I saw green tea listed as an ingredient but I assumed it was either decaf or such a small amount it wouldn't matter since caffeine wasn't listed as a warning but nooooo

I took it like 5 hours ago and I'm fucking losing it

It's gonna be another 6 months of this bullshit at minimum. Half a year so I can live half a year in which my anxiety is manageable. I don't know if I'll survive it again... last time it nearly got the best of me, it really fucking did

And the fact that nobody in my life understands what a panic attack feels like, how you feel simultaneously like you're going crazy and having a heart attack, floaty and heavy, suffocating over and over.... it's not fucking fair. It's not fucking fair

suicidal thought stuff below

Every day I give my mom a hug because she doesn't know how much I want to die. I hug her as tight as I can because she seems to be the only one who would genuinely miss me if I was gone... and yet I spend my days thinking about how she's going to die someday and I'm going to have to live without her

Honestly, I think I'll just shoot myself when she dies. Or if trump wins... whichever comes first. She's getting older and so is dad. They're both going to die someday. One will probably die long before the other just like my bio dad did and leave the other to ache without them

I can't go through that again. These past few months I've waited and waited for my parents to give up on me, to just outright tell me I'm being a burden, I'm being overdramatic, but they haven't, they've stayed patient and been there for me when my sibling was content to leave me to rot

I hug her a bit longer every day. I know one day I won't be able to anymore... probably soon. She's in her late sixties, it's only a matter of time. The world is dying, wars are on the horizon, everything is just fucked

The one thing that keeps me going rn is one more hug. One more movie with them. One more meal with them.

But one day there will be no more. And that will be the time to leave, because otherwise I genuinely do not have anything worth living for. My quality of life is horrible if I can't even enjoy life half the year- which is shrinking every year due to climate change and the way the fall is turning into summer 2

She thinks everything is fine, she doesn't believe in climate change, she thinks the economy will sort itself out, she thinks I'll graduate and get a job and my anxiety will mind me... she doesn't know I think about blowing my brains out most of the time with the guns in their shed

It only makes me want to hug her harder and pretend I'm a kid again, that she can make all the horrors go away if she hugs me close enough

[atopvisenyashill]

first of all SORRY it took me like a month to give you a reply at all, i was trying to read some jaime chapters before i replied but alas i am doomed to get through these books at a turtle pace only.

second of all, WHY ARE YOU ME re: jojenpaste, i GET that is a horror scenario and Bran’s in a horror fantasy rn and sometimes George likes to do really heavy handed stuff like that but it doesn’t fit thematically dammit theres no reason to believe the blood magic needs a literal blood sacrifice to work when it clearly gets that from the people buried beneath the tree it is EATING BRAN not JOJEN can we FOCUS.

AND TO THE ACTUAL KING BRAN/JAIME ENDGAME STUFF - idk if you’re familiar with this theory here that basically uses fire & blood as a way of predicting the ending of the series. notably, a lot of it happens in the endgame of the show just in a more mangled, stupid way than predicted lmao.

one thing it predicts that i'm not super convinced of yet is that tyrion will be the "hooded hand" from house lannister as a parallel to tyland lannister. but i think there's just as many similarities between tyland and tyrion as there with tyland and jaime. both brothers are disfigured due to the ongoing war, both brothers are disliked by their enemies and allies alike, and while tyrion and tyland are both the younger brothers (with jaime and jason being the older), tyrion is technically lord of casterly rock because jaime can't inherit and isn't likely to give up his vows just to be lord of casterly rock as his father wished. also notable is that jaime isn't the oldest lannister, cersei is, but unlike jason, she can't inherit over the second born son because she's a woman, which is, imo, a fun way of paralleling the dance lannisters by having the "jason" be a woman who isn't allowed to inherit and the "tyland" be a son who is second born and doesn't want to inherit. and I'll dig in more as I reread but there is some "hooded cloak" imagery surrounding jaime, although that could be solely valonqar stuff tbf. this one came to mind immediately:

Under the Great Sept's lofty dome of glass and gold and crystal, Lord Tywin Lannister's body rested upon a stepped marble bier. At its head Jaime stood at vigil, his one good hand curled about the hilt of a tall golden greatsword whose point rested on the floor. The hooded cloak he wore was as white as freshly fallen snow, and the scales of his long hauberk were mother-of-pearl chased with gold. Lord Tywin would have wanted him in Lannister gold and crimson, she thought. It always angered him to see Jaime all in white. Her brother was growing his beard again as well. The stubble covered his jaw and cheeks, and gave his face a rough, uncouth look. He might at least have waited till Father's bones were interred beneath the Rock.

i also think that jaime being "punished" to be hand fits much more than for tyrion; tyrion will see that as a reward for his "mercy" and his suffering. being given the power he has so long desired is just never going to be a "bittersweet" ending for tyrion even if he does wind up losing his family and being further maimed and disfigured in the process. but as you said, jaime would look at the great council filled with teenage heirs, disabled teenage heirs, female teenage heirs whose seats are being challenged by male relatives, and go "these motherfuckers are going to need me to be adult supervision aren't they" and would very much rise to that challenge while also seeing it as a punishment. he killed one king, he cuckolded a second, he spent all of affc reckoning with the legacy of violence in the riverlands pushed by criston cole 150 years before and then continued on by his own house, and what his role is, can be, and should be when you're a man with all the structural power being asked to sort the spoils of a war you deeply regret helping to kick off, like, i simply do not think he is going to be offed by lsh OR commit suicide/get jointly valonqared by a falling brick with cersei when so much of his story centers around the responsibilities of knights an the legacies inherited by oldest sons.

if he dies, i've always believed it would be in the riverlands still attempting to atone alongside brienne (or perhaps under her command) but I think the idea that he is heavily disfigured (by lsh possibly, but there's a lot of weirdos running around as well as not one but two Targaryen claimants with armies of their own) and forced to be hand/regent for Bran until Bran comes of age would certainly be interesting and "bittersweet" for Jaime (and then he goes to Wall for retirement/atonement. if it exists still). Also, aegon iii has a council of regents and i think it would make sense if one of the regents was his lord commander and someone who fought on the opposite side of the war from bran, given that tyland is an excellent hand who attempts to heal poor little aegon despite them being on opposite sides. i can very much see jaime wanting to do the same for bran.

okay that's it. sorry i took forever to reply!!!!

JAIME LANNISTER ENDGAME SPECULATION: #2, "Jaime Goldenhand"

~ DEFINITELY spoilers, both book & That Dragon Show, and some diving into other theories in the ASOIAF theory iceberg ~

2. Jaime "Golden Hand"

- for Jaime's sins, he is "rewarded" with what he has always dreaded but has already demonstrated relative competence at: responsibility.

- We Don't Talk About The Dragon Show but its ending for Tyrion actually steals much from what has been foreshadowed for Jaime: Jaime, who has never wanted nor sought out any power save his sword arm, WOULD feel punished by a sentence of lifelong service to The Realm. His most heroic act made him reviled: his kingslaying was the beginnings of his blatantly undermining the stability of Westeros by cuckolding its king, causing a lasting succession crisis, and unwittingly stirring the winds of war in his recklessness & ignorance.

- furthermore, Jaime serving as BRAN STARK'S Hand? tbh, "King Bran" punishing Jaime by installing him as his Hand not only fits all the foreshadowing in their respective character arcs, it ALSO follows logically from their POV of their interactions' ripple effects unto Westeros. Jaime as Hand to King Bran is the ONLY setup of "Bran becomes king" that makes sense to me outside of "Dystopian Weirwood-Police State" Horror Endings or Jojen's filling the role (i don't subscribe to "Jojen Paste": its memetic status baffles me and, like, the 3EC is LITERALLY BECOMING A TREE? and House Blackwood canonically buries its dead beneath its dead weirwood tree, and WEIRWOODS ARE ALREADY PEOPLE: JOJEN'S ABSENCES ARE ALWAYS MEERA'S ABSENCES ANYWAY- *several more allcaps paragraphs*).

[huntinghare]

20. When in the story was their highest point? When were they at their lowest?

(question also asked by @smadvil! quick disclaimer: i'm only in 5.1 rn, having just finished main shadowbringers. this takes into account neither endwalker nor whatever the fuck goes down in 5.3, which i have been told to brace for but am otherwise clueless about)

His highest point was the end of the Dragonsong war. After losing Haurchefant and Ysayle, getting Estinien back in one piece (more or less) was so much more than he ever could have expected, the relief was intense. The period of calm right after, before Stormblood properly kicked up, he remembers as some of the best weeks of his life. Getting the Scions back together, helping Aymeric stabilize things... He felt helpful and proud of his role as the Warrior of Light, but also like things were still manageable and the burden was one he could carry.

Second highest point was getting G'raha back after the climax of Shadowbringers. He's gotten so used to losing friends at that point that just once, just this once, everyone making it out alive.... It was more than he could have asked for. Unlike Dragonsong, though, he wasn't in much of a celebratory mood.

Lowest point was most definitely that bit where he was struggling against light corruption at the end of Shadowbringers. The whole incident with Estinien gave him some massive fears about losing himself, and he's been slowly developing a fear that like... If anything happens to him, Eorzea might just be fucked. And that's an awful lot of pressure. It Was Bad.

Honorable mention for second lowest point is Zenos's suicide in Stormblood. He'd started seeing Zenos as his foil in a lot of ways and it just really messed him up, especially because he felt the need to conceal his bad mood from his friends, over the guilt and shame of his conflicted feelings.

[snailsgoingdowntown]

With what the previous anon said before, it's early in the game to say if it will do well since they plan to run it for 10 years, but tbh from what I can see genshin is good at making ideas that r kinda separate from the main story aka events especially if it's centered around a male character. Most of the players want cute girls so ofc they'll give them that even if it takes away from having an interesting character ig. Also at this point I feel like they're running out of ideas for the story, or at least aren't executing them well. I noticed that they go for impact (lol) than development or consistency. Like u mentioned before, Ei has a sad backstory but...that's about it? (Like how do u describe her character other than liking sweets? She has little to no personality, along with a few of the other genshin women) Up until that point she was a ruthless, and I'm all for lady villains but that turn around was ridiculous; give me a (main) character that has to face the consequences of their actions, even if it means death. Hell her character story could have been about her reflecting on her past actions and trying to make it right, of course the citizens would be slow to accept it but wouldn't it be cute if after a few regions, when u visit Inazuma, u see or hear the citizens talk about the shogun, with some ppl saying that she has changed for the better and others still criticizing her for what she did. I feel like that would give the world much more depth. Like it's becoming more obvious that there is more favoritism for the guys than the girls (hell even the male traveler gets more attention than the female one).

Idk...I feel like the game isn't giving me the same excitement as it did before, but it might just be the hype wearing of ig, I'm in the catagory of ppl that lose interest over a game after two years lol. (They do excel at making good character designs at least) Tho more anime is coming out next year so that'll probs take my attention, are there other anime or games or shows/movies that u look forward to?

Two: mention of suicide and sexism

Ei's character story could have been her witnessing the effects of her actions - how she fucked up so many people. It could have been her feeling shitty the moment she realizes that eternity leads to nothing but pain and suffering. That no matter what she does, nothing will become 'Good' again, that this war she waged onto her people didn't help with anything.

But nah.

Miyoho said "uwu have a date with this character who could have actually been a cool af villain, regardless if she turns to the good side or not"

Tbh I don't think they're running out of ideas for the story. I think they're running out of proper ways to execute them nicely. They're pumping out content to keep players playing and in the end, while it's working, it's not working that good. I think they should take their time with story related events and quests. For fucks sake, the world requests have more lore, are better executed, more exciting than the main story quest. Unless it involves puzzles. I hate em.

And yes that would be so cute!!! Slowly accepting their 'God' rather than doing it immediately... Them realizing that she's trying her best to change her ways... Would be so fucking nice.

And well, I could be pulling this from my ass, but it feels like sexism. That's a bold claim and I can't confirm if it's true or not. But from the amount of attention they're giving to the male characters is far more than the female ones. The male characters are just so... Interesting compared to most of the female characters. Obviously there are some good af written female characters but the males are just flushed out more. A lot more.

And tbh same, not as excited when it comes to events as I used to be. I only started to play again because I want C1 Xiao and c0 or any C zhongli even if it means I have to suffer.

And as for games... Hm... Not really. Well. There is neiR: Automata. I'm playing it rn, actually and I'm barely staring 9s' play through. 2B is really... Inconsistent though. Sometimes she's like "wow machines have feelings" but then she's like "showing emotions is forbidding" when around every literal corner, every Android is shown to have emotions. Also, it doesn't make sense as to why she was so attached to 9s in the very beginning when they first commit suicide??? Like, it's never been implied they met before that point. I could be wrong considering I barely started the game.

My theory is that they met before though. Because it's been told a few times that 9s doesn't mind losing his memories if it means 2B gets to keep hers once they commit 'suicide' and he only has enough time to transfer one of their memories. I could be wrong, though.

I just started to watch JoJo's bazaar adventures BUT I started half way through part 3 since that's where my bf is at rn... I might binge watch the series because it's actually very interesting and funny.

Fuck Dio tho, all my friends hate Dio.

Demon slayer is something I'm considering writing for, especially with season 2 out. So keep an eye out for that.

BSD BEAST THE MANGA I AM BUYING THE PHYSICAL FORMS BECAUSE JFC I LOVE THE ART I LOVE THE STORY AND I WILL ORDER THE LIGHT NOVEL TOO. I'M SAD AF BECAUSE OF THE NEWEST CHAPTER AND I AM EXCITED FOR THE LAST CHAPTER IN JANUARY (I THINK)!!!!

BSD SEASON 4 I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT, BRING IT BONES. YOU BETTER NOT ADD UNNECESSARY STUFF OR TAKE OUT IMPORTANT STUFF THIS TIME LIKE YOU DID IN SEASON 1!!! DON'T ADD SHIT FROM THE LIGHT NOVELS, IT'S CONFUSING AS HELL.

IK IT'S NOT ANIME BUT HAZBIEN HOTEL AND HELLVA BOSS!!!

I fear for Hazbien though.... They recasted a LOT of the pilot va's, including Alastor's singing voice, Charlie's singing voice, and angel dust's va...

Angel dust's va was perfect for the part imo.... I'm going to miss them all. Not only that, but usually when you sign off your stuff to a TV studio or whatever, you don't necessarily own that version of it completely.

A game I am looking forward towards is pokemon black and white. My brother stole it and pawned it off so I don't have them anymore. But I am planning on getting them at some point in time. Mostly for N, though. I love the story though even black 2 and white 2.

Might write a yandere! N x reader series. Maybe. I simp for that man so hard you don't even know it.

That's all I can think of for now.

[hai-se]

F/GO: Chronicles of a Master [Vol. 1] (pt. I)

Description: Has humanity fallen so deep into sin that others seek retribution against them?

Where is our salvation?

Where are our second chances?

Are we all created equal or are we all valued the same?

Why do we fight?

Why do I fight?

Will it ever be worth it?

The written diary of a master in Chaldea during their last leg. The one who was bestowed a burden that the world gave. They belong to no one but they belong to everyone. The secrets of Humanity's last master is told in the fashion of their diary. Fujimaru Ritsuka is only but a man filled with flaws like any human.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own fate grand order or any of its products as it belongs to Aniplex, or Type Moon or DW or Nasu.

The graphic designer of my cover is @TheDarkenIllusions

Pairings: N/A

Genre: Angst, Hurt and Comfort, Adventure

Warning: Gore, swearing, suicidal thoughts, depression, mental health, Spoilers for the game and light novels and manga.

Fandom: Fate/Grand Order and the Fate series.

Author’s Note: Can also be found at Wattpad under Hai_se_r__ and at Quotev at SiriusLyS. Also please don’t come @ me please lol, I just had this idea suddenly so sorry if my update schedule will be wack since there’s an Black Clover x FGO fic that I’m also working on which is my utmost priority rn since this series will have an irregular update schedule.

      It's terrifying, I think, to land in a burning city with the smell of rotting flesh and iron flooding your nose.

To look around you and see nothing but fire and ashes, to hear the world scream in death. It makes your eyes water to see the world be nothing but chaos. There are some exceptions to chaos, sometimes order can be found, but in the chaos of the city we landed in, there was no order, just plain anarchy.

When I woke up that day, I wasn't expecting to suddenly be in charge of the whole of humanity. I expected to die in the command room with Mash, holding her hand and giving her company for her last moments in the physical plane, not to live and to have traveled back in time.

Right. Traveling back in time, that whole other mess that I didn't even cover. Singularities are an unobservable region that does not exist within Chaldea's recorded history. It's as if a hole has opened up within the timeline, a hole that is separate from the regular temporal axis.

They are sustained by a Holy Grail, which is given to a certain individual within a key historical time period, typically someone who will use it to cause major disruption to history and destabilize the Human Order Foundations.

The power of the Grails and the circumstances within the Singularities allow for the summoning of Servants and their continued existence in the world, even without a Master.

The emergence of large Singularities cause disturbances and fluctuations in time which spread out tsough history like a wave, and can cause other, smaller Singularities to emerge at other points in time.

Because of humanity's destruction in 2015, due to the collapse of the Human Order Foundation, we're forced to travel to Singularities in the past in order to fix the irregularities of history caused by various Holy Grails.

This is the start of the Grand Order where we, Chaldeans, would rise up against human history for the sake of humanity and to combat fate itself.

But it's just starting.

It starts at the city of Fuyuki, the flame contaminated city, the city of blood and war.

The city of servants and masters.

We had only finished clearing the Fuyuki singularity, a relief it should be, but we've been burdened with greater weight.

I don't know how to feel. I think I'm still in shock.

The prospect of meeting heroes and traveling back in time seems unrealistic, goes to show how brilliant Chaldea's whole existence really is.

Chaldea would probably look more amazing to me if I wasn't too busy worrying about the future. The staff would would probably be less crabby in a day to day basis if there wasn't so much pressure and stress on them. Dr. Roman and the staff are current researching the next singularity which is a whole load of night shifts and pulling all nighters, which puts so much stress. Dr. Roman's the one who told me to write in a diary you know? Says that in the end, no one is going to remember or know of the journey we'll take, only us and the ones who live under this roof. I think I'd like to write more than our journey.

It's a nice thought I think.

It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, I suppose, to meet heroes from various eras, to meet your idols. It would sound good to anyone. It'd be the best way to catch fish someone, honestly, but then again who would believe of legends and powers in our era?

It's hard knowing that in the end, I'd probably remember this whole journey as a delusion and hallucination as I grow older and lose memories. The people I'll meet will be dismissed and the affections and the humanity that's expressed will fade into background. Maybe even the lessons I'll learn will only end up as ridiculed thoughts.

But....

It's not just me.

The journey to save humanity seems like a long path through treacherous obstacles but I'm not just fighting for myself right?

It won't be JUST me.

I'm not the one who carries the burden alone.

It's a lot of weight to carry the whole world on your shoulders. They say I'm the one who'll struggle the most but I think the ones who will are the ones who'll be in the command room, staying awake for hours on end and researching. They're homesick, tired, weary, exhausted, and most importantly, people.

They'll be the ones forced to watch on the sidelines unable to help anyone or anything, nothing to quench and quell their thirst to help, to do something.

But we have to be strong.

We have to give our best.

It has to be enough.

It will always have to be enough.

It can't not be enough.

To waver is to leave yourself open to your enemies.

I suppose watching anime and shows really do help real life.

'Till next time, I guess.

F. Ritsuka

[autumninfall]

Okay so a couple of thoughts. First I'm going to address some stuff kogio said. I do agree that there are themes of taking responsibility for the things you do, and you point out some excellent examples.

However, lot of the characters don't face external consequences that others can really see. Dalinar for example. does advocate for taking personal responsibility, yes. But he never actually faces that many consequences for his actions? Like yeah he has to deal with the memories/trauma of the Rift, which is terrible, but that only seems to matter to him because it affected him personally? All the war crimes he commits, he just goes 'yeah it happened in the past I'm a dif person now' and gets upset at people for not immediately believing him, and he just gets to go on with his life, supporting the society and structure that let him do those things in the first place.

Moash, for a lot of his life, had no agency and had all sorts of terrible things happen to him just as a consequence of who he was born as. His status, his grandparents murders, bridge four, he had no agency, society was just fucking him over. When he gains his status and shards, he still feels that way to some degree, because it's what he knows. Then he makes his own choices and his own mistakes, and he convinces himself that actually, having agency is bad because yeah, you can fuck up. When he gets captured by the Fused, he gladly tosses away his shards and goes back to the comfort of his perceived lack of agency, even though it doesn't really exist anymore. And I do agree that his refusal to take responsibility for his actions during the last two books is terrible. But I also understand his reasons for thinking that way? He's also feeling a lot of guilt for betraying Kal, and needs some way to cope. Not all coping mechanisms are good ones.

I agree with op's points about Elhokar. do I think he could have become a better person and am I sad that got cut short? yeah. Do I at all blame Moash for killing him? Well I wouldn't have done it in front of his kid, but otherwise honestly no. I did not really like the plot point of Kal losing his powers over not wanting to protect him. Like sure oaths are important, but so are other things? and the guy threw him in jail over social standing. It just kind of left a bad taste in my mouth

And Moash has done good things. He stood up for Kal's groups of singers that were being abused. He helped them out and protected them. He could have gotten killed for that but he did it anyway. Remind you of anyone?

In my mind, Moash's main crime is killing Teft and suicide baiting Kal. I feel like something could maybe be said about lateral violence here? but my brain is pudding and I can't get something coherent enough rn. But like there was literally no excusable reason to kill Teft that was terrible. But then again, a lot of characters have done equally bad things. I think it's more just the fandom hates him because his crimes hurt a favourite character. Like I genuinely feel that's the main reason behind the moash hate actually.

On Moash and morality

When I first finished Stormlight and finally got to delve into the fandom without fear of spoilers (mfw I realized they’re part of the Cosmere) one of the things that struck me was the level of hate out there towards Moash. For fans of a book series which thematically emphasizes second chances, the genuine vitriol really surprised me – particularly when Moash’s actions seem far easier to justify to me than some of what seems to have been forgiven and forgotten by other characters (Dal that’s you darling). I’d love to talk this through with people.

There seem to me to be two central reasons to hate Moash: either for killing Elk, or for betraying and hurting Kala.

Let’s take the first: Killing Elk. To Moash, this is justice. Elk was responsible for the indirect murder of Moash’s grandparents, his only living family and his caretakers. Certainly, without Moash’s intervention there will be no reckoning of any description for this crime, and there is no plausible option for Moash to seek a more legal or less extreme form of justice - the man’s the storming King. It’s assassination or nothing.

With this in mind, it’s the injustice of Elk’s death that gets many people – he was trying to be a better person, he was young and misled when the deaths occurred, etc. These are generally reasonable and I don’t condone Moash’s actions. That said, I completely understand them. I wouldn’t accept character growth a reason to forgo traditional legal justice in our world, so why should I expect grief-ridden, justifiably angry-at-the-world Moash to accept them as a reason to forgo the eye-for-an-eye (only) form of justice available to him in his world. In addition to this, while Elk was developing and under constraints not instantly identifiable to an outside observer, he was still a King presiding over horrific injustices – some of which Moash suffered through (see: bridgemen). There’s a reason Kala nearly went through with the assassination himself.

Again, this is not to say Moash was in the right, merely that I think his actions under this particular standard are both understandable and forgiveable in light of other second chances given (Gaz, Dal, Elk himself, etc). Is it simply that everyone else made their mistakes in the past, whereas we lived through Moash blowing his first chance?

So, now to the other (in my eyes far more grievous) sin of almost killing Kala for getting in his way. Moash betrays the loyalty of the man who rescued him from certain death and devastating slavery. Not ideal.

And yet. One of the reasons Kala was so close to Moash was because Moash never treated him as a saviour, but as a friend. Fallible. Human. Moash was not going to take Kala’s will or beliefs automatically as his own, and ultimately, Kala approves of that free will and independent thinking.

And so, where Kala takes principled stands and is a “destination before journey” kind of guy, Moash is a consequentialist. The ends justify the means – again, not my philosophy, but also not an uncommon one societally. Certainly, an understandable one. When the clash between what Moash believes to be right and what Kala does occurs, they both actually make the same decision – you stand up for what you believe in regardless of who stands in your way. Moash tries to kill Elk even if he has to go through Kala and Kala defends Elk even if he has to hurt Moash to do so. If one has to choose between one’s morals and one’s friends, one should choose their morals, right?

Altogether, I think what Moash did was wrong and killing Elk was wrong. But storms, I get it? Particularly given I don’t object to the principle of the thing Moash did - if anyone killed Amaram (or indeed, when Adolin kills Sadeas) I’m perfectly willing to stand over that morally. The issue for me lies in the scale, directness, intent, likely future, etc of Elk’s mistakes, rather than the lack of honour in the act of murdering him. Add to this that the hate seems so disproportionate to the crime in a fandom that adores Dal and deals well enough with Szeth and Tar, etc.

There’s also something for me in the fact that his drive to avenge the only family he had was how he ended up in the bridge crews in the first place, so Kala saved him, but for what purpose, if not this? Bridge Four breaks Moash along with everyone else, and then Kala comes along and relights his purpose, and here is this guy who also hates lighteyes and wants justice and Moash trusts him, thinks he’ll be on his side. And he’s not. Devastating.

Moash has also shown regret over hurting Kala, and you see from his perspective chapters how truly angry he was and still is to get to that point in the first place – Moash thinks /he/ was betrayed /first/.

Incidentally, I’d also love to just overall debate the moral philosophy at play here: Ultimately, the reason Kala refuses to assassinate Elk is because it would break his oath to protect, rather than because he believes Elk’s death would certainly be wrong in and of itself. But lying/oath-breaking is a complex moral area (@shallan); isn’t it preferable to break your word than to allow injustice like murder:slavery:torture to continue?

Hmu people. I love debating moral philosophy and I’m a very amiable person to disagree with.