#i'm kind of in disbelief that i made it here

[the-oblivious-writer]

With Her I Die |10|

Past J.T to Eventual S.S x Female Reader

Chapter Ten: Ready or Not

warnings: emotional distress/grief, references to death, abandonment trauma, and - once again - shauna is still very much pregnant.

note(s): i love working on the adult timeline.

taglist: @morganismspam23 @slutforabbyanderson

masterlist | previous chapter | next chapter

The note lay in the center of the empty lean-to, three words scrawled hastily on a torn piece of paper:

I'm sorry.

Misty found it just after dawn when she came to check on you, a gesture born less from concern and more from curiosity. You'd become something of a spectacle over the past few days—the girl who survived the fever only to exile herself from the group, the one who'd broken whatever strange spell had formed between you and Shauna.

"Well, shit," she muttered, picking up the note between her fingers as if it might bite. She glanced around the lean-to, taking inventory of what remained: nothing. Not your knife, not your extra pair of socks, not even the small carved animal Javi had made for you when you were sick.

Gone. All of it. All of you.

For a moment, Misty considered pocketing the note, wondering what kind of drama might unfold if she controlled this particular piece of information. But something in those two simple words—I'm sorry—made her hesitate. This wasn't a game. This was real, and dangerous, and potentially deadly.

"Fuck," she sighed.

------

"What do you mean, gone?" Taissa's voice cut through the morning air, sharp with disbelief. "Gone where?"

Misty held out the note, now slightly crumpled from her tight grip. "Just this. Nothing else."

The small group gathered outside the lean-to stared at the paper as if it might suddenly reveal more information. Nat snatched it first, her eyes scanning the brief message before passing it to Tai.

"How long?" Tai asked, looking to Misty.

Misty shrugged, adjusting her glasses. "No idea. I came to check on her this morning and..." She gestured to the empty space around them. "Poof. Vanished."

"She can't have gotten far," Travis said, already scanning the tree line as if expecting to see you emerge at any moment. "Not in the dark, not alone."

"You don't know her," Nat muttered, kicking at the dirt with the toe of her boot. "She's been hunting with us. She knows the woods."

"Not well enough!" The voice came from behind them, strained and tight with barely contained panic.

They turned to find Shauna standing at the edge of the clearing, one hand braced against a tree trunk for support, the other curved protectively over her swollen belly. Her face was pale, eyes wide with something that went beyond simple worry.

"Not well enough," she repeated, softer now. "She got lost three days ago just trying to find the stream."

No one mentioned that it had been during your fever recovery, that disorientation was to be expected. No one needed to. The implication hung in the air, heavy as storm clouds.

"We need to look for her," Shauna said, already moving toward the tree line. "Now. Before the trail gets cold."

Tai and Nat exchanged a glance, a silent communication passing between them. It was Tai who stepped forward, placing a gentle but firm hand on Shauna's arm.

"Shauna, you need to stay here."

"Like hell I do," Shauna snapped, trying to pull away. "She's out there alone because of me, because I couldn't—"

"Because you're nine months pregnant," Tai interrupted, her voice leaving no room for argument. "You can barely walk to the stream and back without getting winded. You're not going anywhere."

Shauna's face crumpled, anger giving way to something more vulnerable, more raw. "I can't just sit here while she's out there."

"You can, and you will." Nat stepped up beside Tai, presenting a united front. "We'll find her. You stay here in case she comes back on her own."

It was a hollow reassurance, and they all knew it. If you had wanted to come back, you wouldn't have left in the first place. Wouldn't have packed up every trace of yourself. Wouldn't have written that awful, insufficient note.

Shauna seemed to deflate, the fight leaving her in a long exhale. "At least take Lottie with you. She..." She swallowed hard, the admission clearly difficult. "She knows things sometimes. About where people are."

Tai's expression tightened—she'd never been comfortable with Lottie's uncanny moments of insight—but she nodded. "Fine. Lottie comes too."

As the group dispersed to prepare for the search, Shauna remained rooted to the spot, staring at the empty lean-to as if she could will you back into existence through sheer force of need.

Nat lingered, watching her with a mixture of concern and frustration. "This isn't your fault," she said finally.

Shauna let out a bitter laugh. "Isn't it? I pushed too hard. Wanted too much."

"She was spiraling, Shauna. Whatever was going on in her head after that fever—it wasn't about you. Not really."

"Then why did it feel like she was looking right through me?" Shauna's voice cracked slightly. "Like I was the one thing she couldn't stand to see anymore?"

Nat had no answer for that. She reached out awkwardly, squeezing Shauna's shoulder once before turning to join the others. "We'll find her," she promised over her shoulder, the words hollower with each repetition.

Shauna didn't respond, her attention already drifting back to the note clutched in her hand, to those two words that explained nothing and everything at once.

I'm sorry.

The search party set out just after breakfast, equipped with what little they could spare—water, a few strips of jerky, a compass Nat had managed to keep hidden from the others. Travis took the lead, Nat and Lottie flanking him, with Van and Akilah bringing up the rear.

Tai had wanted to come, but someone needed to stay behind with the younger ones. With Shauna. It was an unspoken agreement among them—don't leave Shauna alone, not now, not with the baby coming any day and her mind fracturing under the weight of this new loss.

"Which way?" Travis asked once they reached the edge of the clearing, looking to Lottie.

The girl closed her eyes, that familiar, unsettling stillness settling over her features. The others waited, shifting uncomfortably, none of them quite believing but none willing to dismiss her either.

"North," Lottie finally said, opening her eyes. "Toward the ridge."

Nat frowned. "That doesn't make sense. The ridge is exposed, dangerous. Why would she go that way?"

"Because she doesn't want to be found," Lottie replied simply, her gaze drifting toward the distant rise of land barely visible above the tree line. "She went where she thought no one would follow."

A heavy silence fell over the group, the implication clear. If you'd gone to the ridge, it wasn't just to get away. It was to ensure you stayed away.

"Let's go," Travis said gruffly, adjusting his grip on the hunting knife strapped to his belt. "We're burning daylight."

As they moved deeper into the forest, following Lottie's lead, Nat found herself thinking about the last conversation she'd had with you—her accusations, your defensive retreat. The way she'd walked away thinking you'd come to your senses eventually.

She should have known better. Should have recognized the look in your eyes for what it was—not just anger or fear, but resolve. The decision already made.

"I told her she was being an asshole," Nat said suddenly, breaking the tense silence that had fallen over the group.

Travis glanced back at her, eyebrow raised. "What?"

"Yesterday. I found her moving her stuff to the lean-to and I told her she was being an asshole to Shauna." Nat kicked at a fallen branch in their path. "Told her she was throwing away the only good thing left out here."

"You couldn't have known," Akilah offered from behind them.

But Nat shook her head. "I pushed her. Just like Shauna did. Just like everyone's been doing since Jackie died. Like she was some fucking science experiment—how much pressure can she take before she breaks?"

"She didn't break," Lottie said, her voice distant, dreamy. "She chose."

None of them had a response to that.

Back at the cabin, Shauna sat motionless on the edge of her mattress, staring at the empty space where yours had been. Hours had passed since the search party left, the sun now high overhead, bathing the interior in harsh light that caught every dust mote, every imperfection.

Her hand moved absently over her belly, feeling the restless shifting of the baby inside. It had been active today, more so than usual, as if sensing her distress.

"She's not coming back, is she?" Shauna asked the empty room, her voice sounding strange in the silence.

Tai, who had been keeping a quiet vigil from the doorway, stepped inside. "We don't know that."

"I do." Shauna's fingers traced the edge of the note she'd read so many times the words had lost their meaning. "She's been trying to leave for weeks. I just didn't want to see it."

Tai moved to sit beside her, the mattress dipping slightly under their combined weight. "People say things they don't mean when they're hurting. Do things they regret."

"This isn't like that." Shauna finally looked up, her eyes red-rimmed but dry. "After the fever broke, something was different. Like she could suddenly see everything clearly, and what she saw..." She swallowed hard. "What she saw was me, suffocating her."

"Shauna—"

"No, it's true. I was so afraid of losing her like I lost Jackie that I held on too tight. And the tighter I held, the more she pulled away."

Tai was quiet for a moment, considering. "Maybe," she finally conceded. "Or maybe the fever fucked with her head more than we realized. People do strange things when they're not thinking clearly."

"She was thinking clearly," Shauna insisted. "For the first time since we got stranded out here, she was seeing things exactly as they are. She was seeing me exactly as I am."

The bitterness in her voice made Tai wince. "And what's that?"

"Desperate. Needy. Trying to replace one dead girl with another."

The harsh assessment hung in the air between them, too raw to immediately address. Tai reached for Shauna's hand, squeezing it once. "That's not fair. To you or to her."

Shauna didn't pull away, but she didn't return the pressure either, her hand limp in Tai's grasp. "Isn't it? Be honest, Tai. You've seen how I've been with her. Ever since Jackie."

Tai sighed, choosing her words carefully. "I've seen two people clinging to each other in a fucked-up situation. I've seen you care for someone who needed it. And yes, maybe sometimes that care was... intense. But it wasn't one-sided, Shauna. She needed you just as much."

"Until she didn't."

The simplicity of the statement made it impossible to argue with. Tai released Shauna's hand, recognizing that there was nothing she could say to ease this particular wound.

"They'll find her," she said instead, the closest thing to comfort she could offer.

Shauna nodded, the gesture automatic, empty. "And then what? Drag her back here against her will? Force her to stay with people she obviously wants to get away from?"

The question had no good answer, and they both knew it.

Outside, the day continued its relentless progression, shadows shifting as the sun moved across the sky. Inside, time seemed suspended, caught in the amber of Shauna's grief.

By mid-afternoon, the search party had reached the base of the ridge, a steep, rocky incline that marked the boundary of their usual hunting territory. They'd found signs of passage—a broken branch here, a disturbed patch of earth there—but nothing conclusive, nothing that couldn't have been caused by wildlife or their own previous excursions.

"We should split up," Travis suggested, surveying the terrain ahead. "Cover more ground."

Nat shook her head firmly. "Bad idea. We get separated out here, we might never find each other again."

"We're running out of time," Travis argued, gesturing to the sun's position. "Another few hours and it'll be dark. We'll have to head back."

The unspoken reality hung between them—if they didn't find you before nightfall, the chances of finding you at all diminished dramatically. One night alone in the wilderness was survivable. Two, maybe, if you were lucky, skilled. Beyond that...

"We keep going," Nat decided, shouldering her pack. "Together. Up the ridge. If Lottie's right, that's where she went."

No one questioned Lottie's guidance, not anymore. Not when they had so little else to go on.

The climb was arduous, the rocky terrain unforgiving. They moved in silence, conserving energy, each lost in their own thoughts. What they would say when they found you. If they found you. How they would convince you to come back, or if they even should.

Halfway up, Van paused, squinting at something ahead. "Wait," she called, pointing to a small outcropping. "Is that...?"

Nat followed her gaze, heart lurching painfully when she spotted it—a scrap of fabric caught on a jagged rock, fluttering in the light breeze.

They scrambled forward, Travis reaching it first. He carefully untangled the fabric—unmistakably a piece of the flannel shirt you'd been wearing when you left.

"Could've ripped it passing by," he said, examining the torn edge. "Doesn't mean she fell."

But they all heard the uncertainty in his voice, saw the way his eyes darted to the steep drop beyond the outcropping. A fall from here wouldn't necessarily be fatal, but it would mean injury, exposure, limited mobility.

It would mean they needed to find you, and fast.

"Spread out," Nat ordered, scanning the area below the outcropping. "Look for any sign of disturbance. Broken branches, disturbed earth, blood."

The last word hung in the air, ugly and unavoidable.

They worked methodically, combing the area foot by foot. The sun continued its westward journey, shadows lengthening, the air growing cooler with the approach of evening.

It was Akilah who found the next clue—a partial bootprint in a patch of soft earth near the base of a large boulder. Small, definitely human, heading not down as they'd feared, but along the ridge, following its natural contour.

"She's still moving," Akilah announced, relief evident in her voice. "And recently too. This hasn't been rained on or disturbed much."

A collective exhale passed through the group, tension easing slightly. You hadn't fallen. You were still on the move. Still alive, at least as of whenever you'd left that print.

"Which way was she heading?" Travis asked, examining the faint impression in the dirt.

Akilah pointed north, toward the far end of the ridge where it gradually descended back into forest. "That way. Away from camp."

Away from them. Away from Shauna.

"We should keep going," Van urged, already moving in the direction Akilah indicated. "We might be close."

But Nat hesitated, looking at the position of the sun, now noticeably lower in the western sky. "We don't have time. It'll be dark in a couple hours, and we're already pushing it to make it back to camp before then."

"So we make camp out here," Travis suggested. "Continue in the morning."

Nat shook her head, hating the decision even as she made it. "We can't. We didn't bring enough supplies for an overnight. And the others will worry if we don't come back."

"We can't just leave her out here!" Van protested, gesturing to the wilderness stretching beyond the ridge. "She's alone, maybe hurt—"

"She chose to be alone," Nat cut in, the words sharper than intended. "And from what we've seen, she's not hurt. She's moving purposefully, away from us."

The truth of it silenced Van's objections. This wasn't a rescue mission anymore. It was a pursuit, and an increasingly futile one.

"We'll come back tomorrow," Nat decided, hating every word. "First light. With more supplies, better prepared."

No one looked happy about the decision, but no one argued further. They marked the spot where they'd found the bootprint, using rocks to create an arrow pointing in the direction they'd need to follow.

As they began the journey back to camp, the mood was somber, heavy with the knowledge that they were leaving one of their own behind in the wilderness. By choice—both yours and theirs.

Lottie, who had been unnervingly quiet throughout most of the search, finally spoke as they descended from the ridge. "She doesn't want to be found," she said, her voice carrying in the still evening air. "Not yet."

"What does that mean?" Nat demanded, rounding on her. "'Not yet'?"

Lottie's eyes were distant, focused on something none of them could see. "It means she's not ready to come back. She's looking for something out there."

"Looking for what?" Travis asked, skepticism clear in his tone.

Lottie shrugged, that maddening half-smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "Herself, maybe. Or something she lost. I don't know. But she's not ready to be found."

Nat wanted to shake her, to demand more concrete answers, but she knew it would be useless. Lottie's insights, when they came, were always frustratingly cryptic, impossible to force or direct.

"Well, ready or not, we're finding her tomorrow," Nat said firmly, turning back to the path ahead. "Before something else does."

Twilight was settling over the camp when they returned, empty-handed and exhausted. Shauna was waiting outside the main cabin, her vigil seemingly unbroken since they'd left that morning. At the sight of them—just them, no you—her face crumpled briefly before she schooled it back into a mask of control.

"Nothing?" she asked, though the answer was obvious.

Nat stepped forward, the unofficial bearer of bad news. "We found signs. A piece of her shirt. A bootprint. She was heading north along the ridge."

"Was?" Shauna caught the past tense immediately.

"Is," Nat corrected. "She's still moving, as far as we can tell. We had to turn back before dark, but we'll go out again tomorrow. First light."

Shauna nodded, the gesture mechanical, her eyes fixed on the darkening tree line as if she might catch a glimpse of you emerging from the shadows.

"She left a note," she said suddenly, pulling the crumpled paper from her pocket. "Just 'I'm sorry.' That's all." She looked up at them, her expression raw, vulnerable in a way that made them all uncomfortable. "Sorry for what? For leaving? For... for everything with Jackie? For us?"

None of them had an answer. Travis shifted awkwardly, mumbling something about checking the snares before slipping away. Akilah and Van exchanged glances, then followed his lead, murmuring promises to help with the search tomorrow.

Only Nat remained, watching as Shauna continued to stare at the note as if it might suddenly reveal new information, new meaning.

"She's alive, Shauna," Nat said quietly. "She's moving with purpose. That's what matters right now."

Shauna looked up, something hardening in her expression. "Is it? Is that all that matters?"

Nat hesitated, unsure how to navigate this new territory. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying maybe we should let her go." The words seemed to cost Shauna physically, each one dragged from somewhere deep and painful. "If this is what she wants—to be away from us, from me—then who are we to drag her back?"

"Shauna, she's one person alone in the wilderness. The chances of survival—"

"I know the odds," Shauna cut in. "Probably better than you do. I've been calculating them since the plane went down. Since Jackie died. Since every fucking thing that's happened out here." She pressed a hand to her belly, wincing slightly. "But maybe it's not our choice to make. Maybe it's hers."

Nat stared at her, trying to reconcile this fatalistic acceptance with the desperate, hovering Shauna of the past weeks. "You can't be serious."

"I'm just tired, Nat." Shauna's voice cracked slightly. "Tired of holding on so tight that I break things. Tired of needing people who don't need me back."

There was something alarming in her tone, a defeat that went beyond simple exhaustion. Nat stepped closer, really looking at her for the first time since their return. Shauna's face was pale, drawn, a sheen of sweat visible despite the cool evening air.

"Are you okay?" Nat asked, concern sharpening her voice. "You don't look good."

Shauna let out a short, humorless laugh. "Thanks. Always the charmer."

"I'm serious, Shauna. How long have you been standing out here? Have you eaten anything today?"

"I'm fine." But even as she said it, Shauna swayed slightly, one hand reaching out to steady herself against the cabin wall. "Just tired. And my back's been killing me all day."

Alarm bells went off in Nat's head. "Your back? Where exactly?"

Shauna gestured vaguely to her lower back. "Here. It comes and goes. It's nothing."

But Nat was already moving forward, taking Shauna's arm and guiding her firmly toward the cabin door. "It's not nothing. How long have you been having these pains?"

"I don't know. Since this morning? They've gotten worse, but—" Shauna stopped mid-sentence, her face contorting in a grimace as another wave of pain visibly washed over her.

"Fuck," Nat muttered, supporting more of Shauna's weight as they crossed the threshold into the cabin. "Tai! Van! Anyone!"

Her shout brought a flurry of activity—Tai emerging from the back room, Misty appearing from nowhere as she always seemed to do when there was a crisis.

"What's happening?" Tai demanded, rushing to Shauna's other side.

"I think the baby's coming," Nat said grimly, helping ease Shauna onto her mattress.

"No," Shauna protested weakly. "It's too early. It can't be now. Not when she's still out there. Not when—" Her words cut off in a sharp gasp, hands clutching at her belly.

"Early or not, it's happening," Misty announced, already pushing her sleeves up with an eagerness that would have been disturbing in any other situation. "Someone get clean water. And the medical kit. And any extra blankets or clothing we have."

As the cabin erupted into controlled chaos around her, Shauna stared at the ceiling, tears sliding silently from the corners of her eyes. Not from the pain—though that was substantial, building with each contraction—but from the crushing certainty that you wouldn't be here for this. That you had chosen the vast emptiness of the wilderness over her, over them, over whatever fragile connection had formed between you in the wake of Jackie's death.

"It's too soon," she whispered, though no one was listening anymore, all of them too focused on preparations. "She's supposed to be here. She promised she'd be here for this."

But promises, like everything else out here, had proven as insubstantial as morning mist. As fleeting as your presence in her life—intense and all-consuming one moment, gone the next.

Another contraction gripped her, stronger than the last, forcing all other thoughts from her mind. Distantly, she heard Tai barking orders, felt Misty's hands on her, checking, preparing.

"Breathe, Shauna," someone instructed—Van, maybe, or Akilah. "Just breathe through it."

As if breathing could fix this. As if anything could fix the hollow ache in her chest, the space you'd occupied now gaping and raw. As if bringing new life into this wilderness wasn't the cruelest irony when she couldn't even hold onto the lives already here.

The next contraction hit with stunning force, stealing her breath, arching her back off the mattress.

"Her water broke," Misty announced, the excitement in her voice barely contained. "It's really happening."

Shauna closed her eyes, surrendering to the relentless rhythm of her body's demands. Outside, darkness had fallen completely, the forest reclaiming its territory inch by inch. Somewhere in that darkness, you were out there. Moving away with each step. Lost to her, maybe forever.

And here she was, bringing new life into a world that seemed determined to take everything else away.

"I can't do this," she gasped between contractions, reaching blindly for someone, anyone to anchor her. "Not without her. I can't."

But her body had other ideas, the primal force of birth caring nothing for her heart's desires. Another contraction seized her, more powerful than any before, the pressure building unbearably.

"Yes, you can," Tai's voice reached her through the haze of pain, steady and certain. "You're doing it right now. And we're here with you. All of us."

All except the one person she wanted most. The one who had walked away into the wilderness, leaving nothing but those two inadequate words behind.

I'm sorry.

As the next contraction crashed over her like a wave, Shauna surrendered to the inevitable, to the inescapable forward momentum of life continuing, even in the face of loss. Even in the face of abandonment. Even here, in this desolate corner of nowhere, where nothing had gone as planned from the moment their plane had fallen from the sky.

The baby was coming, ready or not. And you were gone, choice made and path taken.

And Shauna, caught between these two immovable truths, had no choice but to breathe, and push, and somehow find a way to keep living in the space between what was and what might have been.

[soradayone]

“Before she can get any farther, Rangi snatches her wrist, brings her glistening fingers to her mouth, and starts to suck them clean.

Kyoshi’s breath gives way to a choked gasp. Her mouth falls open, eyes wide with adoration and lust as Rangi swirls her tongue around her fingers.”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56977657

This is by far the LONGEST I have ever spent on a drawing in such a long time. Honestly, I have to stop here because any more and I'll start becoming exceedingly critical when this was meant to just allow myself to practice incorporating color into my art with the intent to deepen it. I do want to segway into talking about this scene because to put it plainly: I was not expecting it. When I first read this, I had just finished Stay Close, Float Home and was still sort of in between a state of euphoria, inspiration, and disbelief. It was a lot, but I've already talked about why that is so I'm not going to elaborate further to save anyone reads this some time. So then I clicked on the author's profile to see that there were other works and I happened to click this one next about a few hours later (I saw the tags, I never clicked so fast in my life).

Honestly, this wasn't even the wildest thing to happen if you take into account what happened before this. For some reason, I didn't anticipate what would happen next because I was so focused on visualizing this that when I did read this part, I physically put my hand over my mouth. Flabbergasted, surprised, shock, whatever synonym you can think of, think of that because it quite literally took the breath right on out of my lungs and I don't think I've ever stopped thinking about it. And it's been, what, a little over four weeks now?

I have many more thoughts but I'd rather transition over to discuss how this started as a sketch in my sketchbook since it suddenly came back to my mind but then the sketch just wasn't enough. I wanted there to be the soft purples, yellows, and reds that I saw and felt when reading that passage specifically. Yellow was the biggest color for me in this illustration not only because the setting was a hot day, but because of how there was a song I had listened to over and over again when making this that SOUNDED yellow to me. The song is called Crème Brulée by David Archuleta and it's this very sweet, groovy, airy sound (it's also very breathy and sensual so you can see how it's kind of related). It's definitely not subtle on what it's about but it was such a perfect blend of sound and colors that made this piece so much fun. If there's anything I've learned about myself in this last month alone after getting back into art and music, it's that I didn't realize I listen to music in color (it almost feels like I can taste it sometimes haha). Anyway, this wasn't meant to be too long of a read but who am I kidding, I could talk about this all day because when you've fallen back in love with the art of creating, it's just this addictive feeling that just doesn't really stop burning. So I write this with the intention to remember it. So that when the eventual and inevitable artist block hits again, I can remember what it felt like to overcome it.

[honorhearted]

"Uh..." With a nervous little chuckle, Benjamin lifted his shoulders. "Will I be demonized if I say no? Because the truth of the matter is, I have only indulged in the former...though not excessively. Here and there, I've found that a drink can help me sleep at night, and sometimes, I'll even play quoits or cards with a friend. Still, I see your point." He lowered his eyes. "Womenfolk don't have much of an outlet beyond the written word... But if given the choice, how would you choose to express yourself?"

Benjamin was genuinely interested. Belle was both well-read and refreshingly direct, so he was curious what sort of hobbies and ventures would appeal to a woman of her immense intellect.

Her renouncement of his prowess nearly made him laugh, his brows drawing high on his head. "You have committed a fine-worthy offense?" he asked, grinning in disbelief. "Name one time -- just one -- and perhaps I'll reconsider my skepticism."

Belle's eyes flashed in challenge. “You would not believe some of the things I've gotten away with in my life, all thanks to being cautious."

Benjamin chuckled. "You're right," he agreed. "I wouldn't."

To his surprise, she showered him with compliments -- charming and intelligent, as well as gentlemanly -- and with a slight flush creeping beneath his collar, he teased, "I am not opposed to the truth, Lady Blydon. Or rather, I presume it to be true, since you've blessed me with such conjecture for the entire evening."

Falling into step alongside her, Benjamin followed Belle as she flitted around the room, his teeth catching on his cheek as she noted his "borrow" misstep.

"I suppose I was hoping I could see you again," he confessed, eyes low. "I am unsure if God will grant me such a blessing, but...if Providence is kind, I'd like to think we won't be parted forever."

He couldn't visit England -- not even if the war was won -- and a sorrowful knot choked up beneath his throat. As much as Belle spoke of thievery, it would seem she was oblivious to the fact she'd already committed a heinous theft: the pilfering of his very affections.

Belle giggled, rousing him back to attention. “Or do you mean to say you plan on waiting until the next time I visit my cousin? Because I don’t think my mother will be letting me go on any more trips until I’ve scored a husband. I would, of course, return it eventually, but the ‘when’ exactly is out of my control.”

Benjamin's smile turned melancholy. "Yes," he murmured, "I suppose your mother would wish for a husband on your arm before long. God only knows she wouldn't find any American deserving." He chuckled at that, ignoring the nervous pang in his chest. "Have you any prospects in England? I'm assuming not, since you're here entertaining the whims of second-rate suitors."

"I agree that sons have more pressure placed upon them than meets the eye, but men also have far more ways to have hide their pains. Women face many of the same pressures, if not more, and we are expected to grin and bear it. Could you imagine how different the world would be if men weren't allowed to drink their sorrows away, or gamble their earnings, or act upon their carnal desires?"

The last time she had partaken in a conversation like this was when she had been told by a suitor that he was willing to look past her bluestocking tendencies in favor of her appearance. In practically the same breath with which he said that, he implied that women are too weak in constitution to gamble or drink excessively, the way men do. It took everything in her power not to throw her drink at him and stomp away, but Belle knew lashing out in such a way would only further prove his point. Instead, she had offered him a smile and walked away, but not before reminding him that women, too, were capable of acting upon their carnal desires. The look on the man's face had been enough to fuel her for the rest of the night and the memory of it still tickled her to this day.

“You are the only one here who’s been fined for such a thing, because you’re the only one who’s been careless enough to get caught. Ladies are far more… calculated in their mischief, you know. You would not believed some of the things I've gotten away with in my life, all thanks to being cautious."

Belle began to roll her eyes as he seemed to begin agreeing with her mother's sentiments, but the more he spoke, the wider her smile grew. Belle had always trusted her intuition and it had saved her behind in more than one occasion. Her intuition was the only reason she had dared to slip away from the party and wander into an empty study with an unmarried man. Her intuition had been the reason she'd boarded the boat and set off for Boston in the first place. Her intuition hadn't led her astray yet, but she supposed there was always time for that to change.

“Is that so? Because my intuition tells me that you’re rather charming and intelligent, as well as gentlemanly, which is why I am not concerned about any intentions you might have. But, if you truly want me to ignore those instincts, I suppose I could…” Belle bit at the inside of her cheek as she tried to suppress a grin.

“‘Borrow’ implies returning, Mister Bolton. So, unless you plan on visiting England any time soon, it would be more akin to theft than borrowing. A notion I’m not entirely against, as you can see.” Gesturing to the room around them, it took Belle all her strength not to burst out laughing. When she was younger, Belle always found herself in midst of giggle fits when she and her cousins would play hide and seek. Something about sneaking around always made her giggly, even now into her adulthood. “Or do you mean to say you plan on waiting until the next time I visit my cousin? Because I don’t think my mother will be letting me go on any more trips until I’ve scored a husband. I would, of course, return it eventually, but the ‘when’ exactly is out of my control.”

“Yes,” Scoffing, Belle playfully swatted at him before shaking her head and crossing her arms over her chest. “I am quite sure. Now I admit to being clumsy at times but not when the great bard is at risk. I take very good care of my tomes, I’ll have you know.” Other than the ones she brought with her on excavations to the garden, or to the pond, or in the tips of the trees she’d climb in. She was usually rather careful with her books, but reading in strange places had a way of dirtying the paper more easily than if they were kept indoors.

“Be careful in insulting my balance, Mister Bolton,” Belle shot him a teasing glance over her shoulder before disappearing into another row of shelves. “Or I might accidentally drop a book on your foot.”

[zahnffxiv]

that means!! i've managed to become a—wait, they're calling it a... sexlegend?? oh, i see...

[aroaessidhe]

2025 reads / storygraph

Project Hail Mary

sci-fi

a man wakes up on a spaceship with no memory, and eventually figures out he’s the sole survivor on a desperate mission to save humanity

his memory slowly returns through flashbacks, showing him how and why he ended up on the mission and how he has to search for answers alone

….except he’s not alone, because there’s an alien ship nearby, with its’ own sole survivor, in a similar situation

alien friendship :)

[zevrans-archive]

yeah.... so i finally got to the start of act 3 and saw the reveal of the guardian/dream visitor's real self and i-

[turian]

it's been a while since since I first saw Ola's fundraiser circulating on the dash. it's been a while, too, since I spoke to Ola for the first time, and a while since I last made a post to bring attention to her fundraiser. in the last post I wrote for Ola I spoke of my dismay at the ratio of notes on one of her most widely circulating fundraising posts to donations her fundraiser has received (the former being disturbingly higher than the latter).

I'm having a version of that experience again now. I'm looking at Ola's gofundme page in something like disbelief. Ola's fundraiser should be further along than it is. we're approaching the point where it will have been a year of constant bombardment and displacement and threat of every imaginable kind to Ola and her family, and her fundraiser isn't far beyond the halfway point.

Ola and her family need money not only to escape this situation, but also to survive it. the weather is growing worse, food prices are still sky high, and there is danger every moment. i watched a video the other day which made the point that solidarity is not supposed to be easy - it's not just one click (though that one click is also vital in situations like these) but rather a commitment to go out of your way to help when necessary. your help is necessary here. share Ola's fundraiser as much as you possibly can, but please also remember to give whatever you have the means to give.

here's a link to Ola's gofundme / here's a link to Ola's verification (line 205).

[chuluoyi]

LOVER'S QUARREL

- fushiguro megumi x reader

“i can't do this anymore.” you and megumi are just too different; he's stoic, you're bubbly, he prefers solitude, you love being social. it starts with fights, words you don't mean, and ends with an event that would haunt him for a long time to come.

genre/warnings: angst, breaking up, post-breakup feelings, mentions and description of injury and blood, hurt/comfort, fluff in the end (you make up!)

note: dear god i’m finally getting this out of my drafts. loosely inspired by real life events i’ve seen around my friend’s relationship sooo it might hurt a bit 🤏🏻 but who can say no to angst to eventual fluff? tagging @lees-chaotic-brain and @kasumitenbaz (as per request in the ask!), you two are always here for my megumi works, thank you!! :3 and thank you for dropping by for the event!

a part of 1K MILESTONE EVENT

general masterlist

Everyone pointed it out as a joke, that you liked him way more than he did you.

And you used to never let it ruffle you. To you, Megumi’s sternness and silence meant that he was comfortable with you. You never wanted him to change his ways just because now you were seeing each other.

But when you thought it over now, as you stood before him with an aghast expression and knives stabbing your kind, soft heart, you couldn’t help but do a double-take.

You were the one who confessed first. Most of the time, you were the one who initiated dates. You always texted him first, asking about his day, and even when he brushed you off, you would keep being this ball of sunshine and wished him a good day.

You never realized it before… that through everything, it has always been you. Unfailingly.

So how dare he spout this now?

“I can't do this anymore.”

"You... can't?" you spat out, feeling the first tendrils of anger course through you. "What exactly it is that you can't do? What do you even mean?"

"Look," Megumi stared at you squarely, and you thought now, that it was the coldest of eyes, straight and true. "It's always been like this between us lately. It's only right that we end this."

This, he said. He didn't even want to define your relationship anymore.

You scoffed. "And why do you think we always end up this way? Have you ever considered, even once, that it's because you make no effort at all?"

"I'm trying," Megumi quickly replied, almost in a hiss, and you almost recoiled. "But I just see that we'll end up nowhere, that's why I'm bringing this up now."

Oh, that freaking hurts. You boyfriend had just told you that this relationship would go nowhere. Right in your face.

Your eyes stung with tears, yet you fought to hold them back, fixing your gaze on the lamp overhead and inhaling deeply.

"You're... selfish," you stated, filled with ire. "You're always walking around eggshells around me, never telling me what is it that you really want—"

Megumi's unclouded eyes fixed on your trembling form. "We just disagree on a lot of things. You know it and it bothers you. It bothers me too. Rather than forcing our relationship, I think it's better—"

"It's always me!" you yelled then, lips quivering and eyes watering, unable to hold your emotions back any longer. "All dates, lunches—everything!" you locked your eyes with him, in mocking disbelief. "How can you say you're trying when, in truth, I'm the one putting in so much for us?!"

In that very second, Megumi thought that he hated seeing you like this. You were supposed to be the cheerful one in this relationship, and when he agreed to go out with you, he made an unspoken commitment to himself that he would at least not make you miserable.

And yet...

"...I'm sorry."

Came his reply, and you were sure that this was it.

And to rub the salt in your wound, he added, "I can't lie to you and say I haven't thought this for a while too."

As tears welled within you, you wondered and questioned what you lacked that led to this. However, the overwhelming sense of betrayal consuming your thoughts ultimately prevailed over any other emotions.

Now he could've appeared before you as a stranger and you wouldn't bat an eye, as the cold steel in his tone said, "And if blaming me is what it takes to make you feel better, then so be it."

You couldn't pinpoint the source of your sudden boldness, but in the next hot minute, you marched past him, your shoulder harshly colliding with his in a deliberate, almost spiteful manner—which, indeed, was your intention—and then you ran.

Which led to the next scene: you found yourself bawling your eyes out in the girls' lavatory.

Yuji and Nobara saw everything unfolding right before their eyes. They hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but you and Megumi were literally breaking up right the middle of their shared classroom, and it was hard not to follow the discourse until the end.

"Are you okay?" Nobara had come to your side, ensuring privacy by locking the restroom door out of your consideration. You were a sobbing mess, attempting to wipe the overflowing tears away while letting out all your emotions.

"He's..." Your voice faltered amid sobs as you gazed at your steadfast friend, your throat clogging up. "He said... he's been wanting t-to... break up with m-me..."

"That's okay, that's okay..." Nobara brought you to her arms, patting your back in reassurance. "Fushiguro is insensitive like that... don't cry over him now. He's just a wimp, okay?"

"Why is it me?" you asked her, voice brittle, still shaking with tears. "I t-tried everything! Being the supportive girlfriend..."

"If he can't appreciate what you did, then the problem lies with him," your friend stated, traces of irritation brewing in her resolute gaze. And as she firmly grasped your wrist, her next words resonated. "Not you."

. . .

"Do you really have to break her heart like that?" Yuji fidgeted with his hoodie, staring at his best friend with a blend of confusion and sympathy.

Megumi sighed, finally ruffling his hair into a mess, as if expressing his own state of mind. “This is for the best.”

Yuji’s eyebrows visibly creased. “How is this ‘for the best’? She’s miserable, and you…” he assessed him, scanning him from head to toe, “it doesn’t seem you’re faring any better too.”

“The longer she is with me, the unhappier she will be.” Megumi glanced at the bathroom’s direction. “She can deserve better.”

He was always too quiet, too boring, not able to match your energy too. He couldn’t fault you for expecting more, whereas he was just not exactly built for your expectations.

Megumi really thought he wanted it to end. At one point, it even felt like a chore, but…

How strange. Why did it feel like something was clawing at his chest?

Time heals. Megumi knew that by theory, but he really did see it firsthand when he saw you all giggling and happy again three weeks after he initiated the breakup.

With Hakari.

“Yo, what are you glaring at?” Panda asked, but Megumi didn’t pay him any mind.

An upperclassman, Hakari Kinji, was naturally cool and talented. He was laid back, knew how to have fun—all in all, a total opposite of Fushiguro Megumi altogether.

Three weeks. It’s only been three weeks since then.

“Megumi?”

Wait… Aren’t three weeks too fast to get over your ex?

“Megumi!”

“Huh?” he turned to the sentient panda with a jerk. “Oh, what is it?”

He looked at him with a concerned gaze. "Why do you look so scary? It's almost as if you're about to punch someone..."

But who was he to argue? He had no right to be upset now.

"Is it Kinji?" Panda gasped, finally putting two and two together when he followed his line of sight. "Oh Megumi... but you—"

"Just shut up, please," he blurted then, a hint of annoyance in his tone. With that, Panda didn't pursue it further, leaving him with his thoughts.

From where he was at the field, he could clearly see your radiant smile for Hakari. It was clear that the two of you shared a degree of friendship, but Megumi never knew that you two were that close.

...huh?

Why did the sight irritate him so suddenly? Why did his chest twinge again?

What a fool. You're the one driving her away, you idiot.

Suddenly these memories popped up one by one—

Of you suddenly hugging him from behind in an attempt to surprise him.

How he pressed his lips on the crown of your head when you fall asleep on his shoulder.

How you would give him that dopey smile when he pulled you close.

But on harder days after missions gone wrong, he’d ignore you altogether— the slight disappointment in your smile then. How your expression fell when he told you to go. How you slumped and looked back in hopes of him changing his mind.

“Haaaah.” Megumi turned away, unwilling to keep watching you any longer. Why? Why hadn’t it occurred to him before now?

Why did he long for you now? Why not before, when you were still his?

They were right. It seems people tend to desire what isn't meant for them.

What could have been more painfully awkward than being sent into a mission with your ex-boyfriend?

You would kill Gojo for this. Or at least give him the lowest possible score in his teaching evaluation for the year. How could he? Your breakup was an infamous public spectacle, so this setup was undoubtedly intentional!

You were losing your head over this, and yet your ex-boyfriend...

"Keep your guard up," Megumi reminded curtly, in a warning tone. He looked as vigilant and straight as always, as if he wasn't even bothered.

You threw him a dirty look, offended. "You don't have to tell me twice."

This just cranked up the discomfort to an excruciating level. The mix of unresolved tension and memories—okay, you might be an emo, but how were you supposed to be cool with all of these hanging in the air?

Your site of exorcism was an abandoned warehouse, and the cursed spirit in question was supposed to be a grade 3. You two were grade 2 sorcerers now, so you were a perfect fit to exorcise it. But there was indeed this unease in the air that you couldn't put your finger to.

"Isn't it awfully too quiet?" you unwittingly muttered, staring at the darkness of the wall. You couldn't feel any cursed energy belonging to any possible malevolent entity, and that was what unsettled you the most.

Megumi frowned at your line of sight. "It is. Stay close."

You blinked at what he said, and before you knew it, the familiar scent of him being near to you made your entire body burst with this equally familiar warmth. When you looked up to him, seeing the solid sharpness in that dark eyes of his and his jaw set, dead butterflies in your chest rose back to life again, against your heartbreak and better judgement.

Stay close, he said... So he is worried...

And in an attempt to hide how flustered you were, you looked down.

You walked a few good steps, when suddenly he asked, "So, are you with Hakari-senpai now?"

"Huh?" You spun around, your expression a mix of surprise and confusion.

"You two seem close."

Seem close? Seem close... wait, so Megumi had noticed...?

Suddenly, you felt incited and it made you angry. "That's none of your business," your voice carried a sharp edge, hissing. And you knew you were being a bit mean by adding, "You broke up with me, so why do you even care?"

In that moment, Megumi could've sworn his chest throbbed. Your cutting tone pierced directly into his heart, lodging itself there.

You had all rights to be annoyed, and he knew that. Why did that question even slip out of him?

"Nah, nevermind," he mumbled in response, looking away.

Awkwardness lingered afterwards. You hated this, but no, you weren't above being petty. He had broken your heart and it still stung even now. If your intentionally biting words did to him even a fraction of what he made you feel, then you would find a small sense of satisfaction in it.

But you weren't able to ponder about your mess of feelings further when Megumi abruptly yanked your arm, his voice soaking with urgency, "It's here!"

Sure enough, the grotesque cursed spirit with the shape of a giant bee broke through the walls with a bang. The two of you immediately readied your fighting stance. Megumi was ready with his divine dogs, while you with your cursed weapon.

For a while, you engaged the cursed spirit with all you had. You were trying to focus on the enemy, but you couldn't help but notice the way Megumi always looked at you every few seconds, checking for any signs of injury or harm.

Frankly speaking, he trusted your strength and knew that you were a capable sorcerer. You had been paired in a mission before and he knew both your potential and shortcomings. It was just there was something about this place that had his senses on high alert.

And his fears were proven true when you yelped and were flung onto the grimy floor. "Y/N!"

"I'm fine!" you shouted in a rush, scrambling to your feet. However, as you spun towards him, your scream tore through the hall as you caught sight of the bee lurking behind him. "Megumi!"

He got distracted. The bee quickly latched onto him and almost stung him, until he wrestled it off and summoned Nue and exorcised it.

You went to his side that instant. "Are you okay?!"

"I am." But then he winced and almost fell on his knees if you didn't have a secure grip on him. He savored your touch and breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that now you two were safe.

"Megumi! Oh god!" Panic surged through you as you pulled him close. His side was bleeding, and you widened your eyes at the sight.

"I'm okay, I promise," he rasped, looking you in the eyes. "What abo—"

Then you saw it, the flicker from deep from that corner of platform, and suddenly, you grasped the source of the unease that had been lingering within you all this time. It wasn't the bee Megumi had just exorcised—

At that moment, there was no room for thought, one thing was certain: you didn't want him to get hurt more.

He didn't manage to finish his sentence when suddenly you pushed him away with so much force he never thought you had. Everything crashed so suddenly, he didn't have the time to brace himself or grab you with him, as another cursed bee appeared out of nowhere and—

Reality flashed before his eyes as he stared at you in sheer horror. At how the cursed spirit tore your body, sinking its hollow stinger in you.

You didn't really know what happened next. Everything was muffled—the frantic movements around you turned into a blur, along with Megumi's yells. Otherworldly pain coursed through your entire being and your ears rang, then everything in your line of sight became distorted and faded, along with your consciousness. Next and the last thing you knew was Megumi's battered face, a final imprint before you succumbed to the void.

Megumi had exorcised the remaining cursed spirit and staggered to his feet—falling a few times, but he made his way towards you through gritted teeth. You are hurt. He forced himself to get to you and pull you into his arms.

And suddenly, suddenly, nothing mattered anymore as overwhelming terror consumed him upon seeing you. Blood streamed from your abdomen so much that it made a continuous pool.

"You stupid—!" He choked out, voice hitching. You were no longer conscious and it devastated him even more. "Hey, hey? Wake up—hells—"

You, who did everything you could to save your relationship. You, who cried tears for him when he blatantly broke your heart. And you, who put himself first—and now facing the consequences.

It crashed upon him in that very second, the clarity. What was he thinking back then? He still loves you.

"If you die on me, I won't forgive you."

Megumi scooped you in his arms, pressing you close to his chest, the blood seeping from his wound be damned as he looked at your serene face. His heart shattered in the worst way possible and he almost wheezed at the sticky sensation of your blood—and how lifeless you felt in his grasp—but he willed it away.

"Don't," his broken rasp echoed the walls as he took each step to get both of you out of this hellhole. He winced and hissed at his own injury, chewing his lip in frustration, at how helpless he was.

"Don't leave me."

It was like a distant, hazy memory.

Was it a memory though? No. It seemed far too real for that.

The throbbing headache pounding through your skull and shivers that wracked your body pulled you back to reality. There was a heavy pressure on your abdomen and any movement sent sharp pain shooting through you.

You gradually opened your eyes, squinting against the brightness. You were in a hospital gown, an IV was injected on your arm, and the sterile scent made your stomach twist, as nausea creeping through your guts. Your vision was still blurry as you tried to look around to find someone who waited for you. As you slowly turned your head to the side, you saw him, sitting in the chair right next your bed.

Megumi was sleeping in such uncomfortable position, his head resting on the edge of your bed. He appeared peaceful, almost childlike, devoid of his usual stoic demeanor.

Your heartstrings were tugged at this rare sight. He also sustained injuries and yet... he was waiting for you to wake up, here.

Your chest swelled with warmth, which was quickly followed by a sting of heartbreak. Still, you two broke up...

You jolted, and the inadvertent movement sent a wave of pain that seemed to paralyze your nerves, causing you to whimper. The noise woke Megumi from his slumber, as he shot his eyes open in alarm, catching your hand in his.

"Hey... Are you okay?" Megumi worriedly looked down at you with a visible frown, and the grimace of pain on your face, accompanied by trembling lips, was enough of an answer. He hastily scrambled out in slight panic, "I'll get Ieiri-san."

When Shoko came and got you the painkillers, your pain receded somewhat. Through it all, Megumi stood there, casting concerned glances in your way.

"Bedrest for the week," Shoko stated firmly, assessing your wound with a no-nonsense expression. "Your injury isn't minor—it's serious enough that you're strongly advised against excessive movement."

You could only nod in response. Megumi bowed. "Thank you, Ieiri-san." Once the doctor departed, silence settled over the room once more.

“Why did you do that?” he quietly asked then, referring to what you did for him. And when you turned to him, you saw it clearly.

He looked pale, and there was this haunted look in his eyes. It broke your heart a little.

"You were hurt." Your voice came out dry, and you realized firsthand just how parched you were. Seeing Megumi looking down never quite sat right with you. He was meant to be an unwavering presence, someone strong enough to sway your convictions.

However, a pang struck when he countered with stern eyes, "You didn't have to do that."

...he was right. You didn't have to. What he didn't know was that you were still holding on these stupid feelings, which drove you to shield him. It made you ponder: if your roles were reversed, would he not step in to protect you at all?

"Why are you here?" You weren't sure if the bitterness in your tone was evident, but you continued anyway. "You don't have to be here either."

"Don't have to?" His gaze bore disbelief, as if not believing your words. "I'm—"

"If it's because I saved you, Megumi—"

“Do not even think, even for a moment, that I won’t be concerned over you.” His voice, deep and hoarse, struck you to the core, silencing your words. “Never. I always, always want you to be safe.”

Your mind became a blank slate. Suddenly, all that mattered was his voice.

"Don't you realize how terrifying it was? Seeing you like that?" Megumi spat, his green eyes shining with intensity, teeth gritted and fists clenched. "How could you even think that I wouldn't be here—" his breath hitched, and then his lips trembled slightly, "—for you?"

You blinked quickly, a feeling stirred within you—stemming from that cursed, fragile heart of yours to be exact, evident from the rapid thumping in your chest.

You dumbly uttered, "But we are—"

"Oh, Goddamnit." Megumi cursed, and honestly you were taken aback. It wasn't really in him to swear, so this really bugged him. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, and despite the situation, your heart skipped a beat at the sight. Even a mess in a hospital gown, your ex-boyfriend was still undeniably attractive.

He stared at you squarely in the eye, unflinching, steadfast and true, the very image of Fushiguro Megumi you admired from afar and fell in love with in the first place half a year ago. "You don't have to... say anything, if you don't want to. Right now... just hear me out."

And the things he said next... all of them, you could say, caught you entirely off guard.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not trying hard enough, and—damn it, for making you sad. I never, ever wanted to see you that upset."

Megumi drew in a sharp breath, averting his gaze. "And for days, I've wondered if you and Hakari-senpai are now a thing... and you know what? I hate it so much. I know I have no grounds to feel this way, after what I did, but..."

And like a train wreck, his final words hit you hard. Tears welled up in your eyes in immediate response.

“I'm a loser, and a coward too, maybe,” he shrugged, a tinge of self-deprecation in his tone. “And I suck at telling people my feelings, but I love you. I still do.”

A sob slipped out of your throat and you hastily pulled the blanket over your face, much to his surprise. He thought he had worsened things, with the way you were turning away from him.

But then, from beneath the blanket, in a croaky voice, you proclaimed, "Fushiguro Megumi, you're a complete and utter idiot."

And Megumi didn't know that he had been holding back his breath as he chuckled heartily, relieved that you would still take his ass back after this prolonged mess. He knew he still had a lot to make up for and was determined to show it through his actions.

"Maybe I am, yeah."

"That's possibly the longest shit you have ever spouted in one breath."

"Yeah..."

But he got his chance back, and he knew that you would be alright. Both of you are.

On one sunny day...

"Hey, are you alone?"

Megumi glanced up from his phone, only to be met with a random girl standing in front of him, batting her eyelashes with an ambiguous intent. He blinked at her curiously.

"No. Can I help you?"

The girl twirled her hair suggestively. "Ah, you see... I see you all in your lonesome and I think you're quite cute—"

The hell? Megumi frowned, and he was really about to give this bimbo a piece of his mind when—

Oh, oh. Forget that. Megumi's attention snapped to you on the opposite side of the crossroad. All pretty and dolled up with that crop tee and miniskirt he once mentioned would look great on you by a slip of tongue—that accidental comment earned him your teasing quips for weeks already.

"Sorry, I'm here for my girlfriend. Bye."

Abruptly dismissing the girl, he didn't catch how comically offended she was for being turned down in a span of 20 seconds. He took big strides towards you, as you crossed the street, and you immediately beamed when you caught the sight of his face.

"Megumi!"

Ah, this is going to be a good day, he thought. As he gazed at your pretty face, and caught your hand in his, clasping it tightly, reveling in your scent and the warmth of your presence beside him—

He was content, and once again it dawned on him, that he likes you so, so damn much.

"Let's get started on our date, shall we?"

[missdynamighttt]

head empty, thoughts full of secretary! reader trying to seduce boss! katsuki with all kinds of tactics.

it had started as a harmless crush. at least, that’s what you told yourself when you first landed the position as katsuki bakugo’s personal secretary.

you’d taken the job expecting the usual: long hours, impossible demands, and a hot boss matching with a fiery temper. what you hadn’t expected was how quickly you’d develop a maddening crush on him.

the man was the whole package— infuriatingly good-looking, sharp as a blade, and unapologetically confident. he had a way of dominating any room he walked into, and you found yourself daydreaming about him far more often than was appropriate.

there’s just something about him that’s just... irresistible. maybe it’s the way his tailored suits hug his broad frame, flexing his muscles no corporate worker should have.

or maybe its the way he looks at you, not with false pleasantries or the cool look of someone trying to be liked. it was a raw, unapologetic gaze (glare), one that made your heart race in ways you’d never expected.

fuck, you didn't want to be just his secretary—you were determined to be something more.

so, you began with the basics. a tighter pencil skirt here, hugging your curves just enough to make his eyes linger when you walked by. a blouse with a slightly lower neckline there, where one extra button undone gave just a teasing hint of skin.

every time you walked past his desk, he’d have to force himself to look away from the sway of your hips. every time you bent over to sign a document, displaying your perfect ass, he’d swallow and his jaw would clench.

when you walked in to drop some paperwork on his desk, his eyes lingered just a second too long on your chest before he coughed and barked, “didn’t i tell you to knock?!”

"the door was already open!" you smiled as you walked out of his office, feeling his eyes on your ass. a small victory, but you’d take it.

katsuki was a coffee fiend, obviously. strong, black, and bitter— no sugar or nonsense too, just like his personality. his day didn’t properly start until a steaming cup of coffee was in his hand, the aroma practically fueling his sharp focus and no-nonsense demeanor.

so you started getting coffee for him too, along with a handwritten note with his coffee cup that said: “for the most handsome boss ever!! xoxo, your prettiest secretary,”, before signing your name on it and sliding it onto his desk, meeting his glare.

“you tryna butter me up or somethin’?”

“of course not! just simply stating facts, boss.”

his ears turned red, but he didn’t answer as he took a sip of the coffee. and when you looked at his drawer one day, you saw he saved all the notes you gave him. you counted that as another win.

you “accidentally” scheduled a late-night meeting that required you both to stay in the office after hours. by the time the clock struck 9, the dim glow of his desk lamp was the only light in the room, casting sharp shadows across his sharp jawline.

you took a seat across from him, pretending to review a document, uncrossing your legs deliberately slowly. his eyes flicked to the movement before snapping back to his paperwork, his jaw tightening.

as the silence stretched on, you made your move. leaning back slightly in your chair, you let the tip of your heel trail slowly up the leg of his slacks, starting at the ankle and dragging upward, your movements deliberate and teasing.

katsuki froze, his pen stilling mid-signature as his sharp red gaze shot up to meet yours, the faintest flush creeping up his cheek. “what the hell are you doin'?”

“i think we should go to dinner,” you tilted your head with a playful grin.

his brow twitched, his expression a mixture of disbelief and irritation. “the hell kinda way is this to ask someone out?”

“its efficient,” you said, keeping your tone light as the tip of your heel slides up and down his ankle. “plus, i'm getting tired of you waiting to ask me. and let’s be honest— you’ve been staring at me long enough to know you’re interested. at least a little bit.”

for a moment, he just stared at you, the silence stretching as his jaw clenched and unclenched. then, katsuki let out a low, gruff chuckle, a sound you didn't know you needed to hear.

“you’ve got some nerve, don’t you?” he muttered, leaning back in his chair as a smirk tugged at his lips. “fine. dinner.”

he huffs, pointing a finger at you. “but don’t think this means you’re gettin’ any special treatment outta work. and if you're late, i'll make you do fuckin' inventory for the next damn month.”

“wouldn’t dream of it,” you smiled, already planning what to wear.

‎‧₊˚✧[ it's me, kia ! ]✧˚₊‧ ｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ ‎‧₊˚✧[ more of katsuki ! ]✧˚₊‧

⋆˚࿔ kia's note ˚⋆ posting a little faster because i made some of these while working on older bro's bsf fic!! hope you enjoyed, tempted to make a part two <3

[player042]

A DEBT TO THE HEART | kang dae-ho

pairing: kang dae-ho (player 388) x reader

summary: you thought you'd left dae-ho behind for his own good, but fate has a cruel way of bringing the past back to life; now, in the deadly arena of the games, avoiding him is no longer an option, even as old feelings threaten to overwhelm you.

warning: hurt/comfort, some tears here and there, a bit angsty, established relationship and breakup mentioned, loving someone so much it hurts, other players mentioned, also mention of bloody and deadly squid game themes, lovers to strangers to lovers again? please enjoy ♥��

word count: 5k (oopsi, but you'll love it, promise <3)

You loved Dae-ho. You loved him with a depth that words could scarcely capture, and he, in turn, made sure you could hear it in his voice, see it in his eyes, and feel it in every touch just how deeply he loved you. But sometimes, even love was not enough, for love could not fill an empty stomach or silence the relentless ticking of overdue clocks. With each passing day, the small apartment you shared with Dae-ho felt colder and emptier, despite him always being there. The weight of your mutual debts loomed over every conversation, every glance, every touch.

You noticed how he'd come home later and later, his shoulders hunched as if the world rested entirely on them. He stopped smiling as much, and when he did, it didn't reach his eyes. You were no better. Your sleepless nights had you pacing, worrying over bills, debt collectors, and the way his kind heart made him try to fix everything for you, even at his own expense. You made the decision after a particularly brutal encounter with a debt collector. They'd come to your apartment, banging on the door, shouting threats. Dae-ho had stood between you and the door, his body rigid with tension as he told them to leave. That night, as he slept fitfully beside you, you stared at the ceiling, your heart breaking. You couldn't let him do this anymore, couldn't let him sacrifice himself for you, he deserved better.

That's why you found yourself remembering those exact thoughts while you were having dinner late at night. The small kitchen felt stifling, the hum of the fridge and the faint ticking of the wall clock amplifying the silence. You'd spent days rehearsing this moment, but now, as Dae-ho sat across from you, his familiar features etched with exhaustion and quiet hope, the words felt impossible.

But you had to say them. You had to let him go.

"We need to talk," your voice was firmer than you felt. Your heart raced, but your face remained a mask of composure.

He looked up from his bowl of rice, chopsticks hovered mid-air, his brows furrowing. "What's wrong?"

"I think..." You paused, the words catching in your throat. "I think we need to end this."

The chopsticks clattered onto the table, the sound startling in the quiet room. He stared at you, disbelief etched into every line of his face. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying this isn't working anymore," you said, gripping the edge of the table so hard your knuckles turned white. "We're holding each other back, Dae-ho. I can't do this anymore."

His eyes darkened, his voice low and trembling, "Holding each other back? Is that what you think this is? After everything we've been through?"

"You're drowning because of me," your voice cracking. Tears blurred your vision, but you didn't let them fall. "I can't let you destroy yourself trying to fix things for me."

"You think this is about you?" he asked, his tone rising. "You think my problems magically go away if you're not here? That's not true, and you know it. Don't do this. Don't push me away."

You couldn't meet his gaze, your fingers trembling as they dug into the table. "I'm doing this for you," you whispered, barely audible.

"No," his chair scraped loudly against the floor as he stood abruptly, his voice breaking, "You're doing this to me."

Frustrated, you stood up too, "I've watched you work yourself to death for me," your voice rising to meet his, "Every time something goes wrong, you're there, trying to fix it, trying to shoulder everything! I can't let you do that anymore!"

"You think I care about that?" he shouted, his hands slamming onto the table. His voice cracked as he added, "I want to carry it! I'd do anything for you, because you're- you're everything to me!"

Your chest tightened, his words hitting like a punch to the gut. "And what about you? What happens when you break under the weight of it all? Then what? I can't stand the thought of being the reason you-"

"You're not the reason for anything!" he yelled, his voice raw. "The debt, the stress, it's all mine. Don't you dare blame yourself for this."

"But it's not just yours anymore!" you shouted, tears finally streaming down your face. "It became mine the moment we decided to do this together. And that's why I have to leave. Because I'm holding you back, and you're holding me back, and we'll destroy each other if this keeps going!"

He stepped back as if you'd struck him, his hands falling limply to his sides. His voice, once so loud, now came out as a whisper. "You don't mean that."

"I do," you lied, your heart breaking with every word. "I don't see a future for us anymore, Dae-ho."

The silence that followed was deafening, the weight of your words sinking into the space between you. His jaw clenched, his eyes glistening as he struggled to keep his composure.

"If this is what you want," he said finally, his voice shaking, "then fine. But don't pretend this is for me. This is your choice. Own it."

You turned away, biting your lip to keep from sobbing. "I'm sorry," you whispered, your voice barely audible.

And with that, you just left in the middle of the night, bags already prepared beforehand, your heart shattering with every step. The sound of the door closing behind you was louder than it should have been, echoing in your chest like the final nail in a coffin.

Alone in the now-silent kitchen, Dae-ho sank into his chair, his hands trembling as they gripped the edge of the table. He stared at your empty seat, the half-eaten bowl of rice in front of him a stark reminder of your presence just minutes ago.

The tears he'd held back began to fall, silent and unrelenting, as he whispered into the empty room, "You're wrong. You're not holding me back... you're everything I need."

Years passed, three, to be exact, and you hadn't heard from Dae-ho since the day you parted ways. Sometimes, especially in those first months after the breakup, you found yourself longing for him with an intensity that felt unbearable. So many times, you wanted to call him, just to hear his voice, to tell him about your day, to ask how work had been, or even something as simple as what he wanted for dinner. Too often, you'd thought about taking a detour just to walk past his neighborhood, unannounced, clinging to the faint hope of catching a fleeting glimpse of him. But you knew it was for the best, his best. 

People always said time heals all wounds, but that wasn't true. Time doesn't heal anything, it doesn't mend, it doesn't fix. All time does is teach you how to live with the weight of what's broken. And despite the years that had passed, you still yearned for him in the quiet moments, still missed him like a phantom ache. You'd come to accept the sheer vastness of Seoul, its endless streets and countless faces, and resigned yourself to the thought that you'd probably never cross paths with Dae-ho again, not by chance, not by fate, not ever.

That's why you were utterly stunned when you found yourself standing in the expansive arena looking straight at him, surrounded by strangers in identical green tracksuits in the midst of a nightmare. The doll's haunting song, the sound of gunfire, and the smell of blood filling the air, it was pure chaos. Some of them were already lying lifeless on the ground, their blood pooling beneath them. Your heart pounded violently in your chest, fear coursing through your veins as you tried to process what you'd gotten yourself into. And even more importantly—

He was here.

Dae-ho stood to your right, a few feet diagonally in front of you. His broad shoulders were tense, his stance alert as his eyes scanned the room with an intensity that sent a shiver down your spine. His hair was slightly longer now, tied in a half-up, half-down style, and his face carried a weariness that hadn't been there before, a hard edge born of time and struggle. But there was no mistaking him. It was him. Dae-ho.

During the whole cursed red light, green light game, you couldn't stop glancing at him. He was strong and steady, helping a few others stay calm and focused as the horror doll's eerie song echoed through the air. Among the chaos and panic, Player 456 stood out. His voice rang out over the trembling murmurs of the other players, guiding them on when to move and when to freeze.

You barely survived, your legs trembling as you crossed the finish line. Relief washed over you, not just from the sheer fact that you were still alive, but also because 456's instructions had kind of anchored you when panic threatened to take over. And even then, your eyes sought him out. Dae-ho. Relief flooded you again when you saw he'd made it too, his chest heaving, his gaze scanning the crowd as if looking for someone. As if looking for you. 

You were certain, however, that he hadn't seen you, and you made sure it stayed that way for as long as possible. 

It surprised you later when he pressed O during the voting. Your chest tightened. Because after witnessing the pure horror of the first game, you had immediately pressed X to quit and leave this place. The idea of staying in a place like this was unthinkable. That's why you had assumed Dae-ho would have done the same.

Why would he want to stay? Did he care so little about his life now?

And the worst part? With just one single vote tipping the majority, the games continued.

You made yourself invisible. First, to keep all the unpleasant people at bay, and second, because you simply weren't ready to face him. For now, you stuck close to an older woman and her son, Player 149 and Player 007. At the same time, you watched Dae-ho from a distance as he spoke with Player 456, the former winner of the games, as you had just learned. You owed him your second reprieve, too, his speech during the voting had drawn all the attention to himself. Dae-ho spent his time with him, as well as with Player 001 and Player 390. It seemed he had already found his group.

Watching him from afar, you couldn't help but notice how he still carried that same kindness, that same strength that had made you fall in love with him. But the game of hide-and-seek came to an end the next day when the second game forced you to split into groups. Before you even realized it, your group was already at the front of the line. You were all bound together, each of you tasked with completing a series of mini-games and needing to cross the finish line within five minutes. Otherwise, you would be mercilessly shot in front of the other players, as had happened with the group before yours.

Just seconds earlier, you had been watching Dae-ho as he practiced his Gonggi part, stretching his wrist. Despite the grotesque circumstances, it brought a fleeting smile to your face. For a brief moment, you saw the carefree, boyish Dae-ho you used to know. The one who tirelessly worked with his group, lifting their spirits and even helping a young woman with the number 222 (according to Geum-ja, she was pregnant, and you could see it). It somehow hurt to see him like this, still trying to be a savior even when he had nothing left to give.

When his eyes finally found yours, he froze. For a moment, the noise and chaos around you faded, and it was just the two of you, staring at each other across the room as the guards bound your leg to that of your teammate.

By some miracle, your team won the second game. If that wasn't a sign from the heavens, you didn't know what else could be. You had been the clear underdogs from the start. Even while preparing, you'd overheard some of the men muttering amongst themselves, convinced your team was doomed. "They'll definitely bite the dust," one of them had sneered.

But when the red tape of the finish line snapped, the room erupted into cheers. Not because they liked you so much, but because they thought, If they can survive this, we'll surely survive as well. It was obvious they'd written your group off; a fragile old woman, her aimless son, a timid girl who barely spoke, a trans player still finding her footing, and you. Yet somehow, against all odds, you had crossed that finish line together.

Your heart raced as your eyes instinctively searched for Dae-ho. Across the room, he stood among his team, his gaze locked on you. For a moment, it looked like he was about to rush toward you, arms open, ready to pull you into a celebratory embrace. Your chest tightened, and you quickly turned back to your team, reminding yourself to keep your distance.

You threw yourself into the moment instead, hugging your teammates as the guards ushered you five out of the room.

Back in the dormitory, time stretched unbearably. With every passing minute, your nerves grew more frayed. Dae-ho hadn't returned.

At first, you rationalized it. The early groups were expected to be back sooner. But as the tenth, eleventh, twentieth, and even fortieth group arrived without him, dread started to creep in. What if he hadn't made it? What if someone in his group had messed up? What if, God forbid, his body was already being wheeled away, zipped into one of those cold black coffins with a mocking pink bow?

The thought sent a shudder through you, and you shook your head, forcing it away. You couldn't let yourself go there. Not yet.

Just as you felt the edges of panic begin to take hold, the doors finally opened one last time. There he was, walking in with the final group, his face glowing with triumph. That familiar grin spread across his face, and he looked as though the weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

A breath you hadn't realized you were holding escaped in a rush, leaving you lightheaded with relief. For a moment, everything else faded, your fear, your doubts, the shadows of this hellish game. All that mattered was that he was safe, still standing, still him.

Of course, the games continued the next day. This time, the vote wasn't even close, over a dozen more people chose to keep playing. You were doomed to continue these death games. And yet, a small part of you was relieved to see an X on Dae-ho's chest. That didn't mean you stopped avoiding him, oh no, you were still committed to that strategy. Every time you felt he might be getting close, you darted in the opposite direction, struck up a quick conversation with someone nearby, rushed toward the bathroom, or climbed into your top bunk and pulled the blanket over yourself, determined to make it clear he shouldn't approach you. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't shake the way your chest ached every time you saw him.

Was it childish? Most definitely. Was it foolish? Probably. Did it accomplish anything? You didn't even know. All you knew was that you weren't ready to face him, not yet. You weren't ready to confront the flood of emotions, the pain, and the memories that his presence would bring. What good would it do to talk to him now?

And so, the third game arrived. You prayed silently that it would finally be the last.

The circular room you stood in was overwhelming. The massive, spinning platform in the center loomed ominously, while the 50 numbered rooms along the walls felt impossibly distant. The air was thick with tension, players murmuring nervously as the female voice explained the rules.

Your heart pounded as you stepped onto the platform, your eyes scanning the crowd instinctively, and landing on him. Dae-ho was standing on the opposite end, his arms crossed as he took in the rules. His jaw was set, his expression unreadable, but you knew him well enough to sense the tension radiating from him.

You tore your eyes away, trying to focus. Stay sharp. Survive.

The platform began to spin, a hauntingly cheerful tune playing as you stood rigidly in place. When it stopped, the display above flashed a number: 10.

Panic erupted as players scrambled to form groups. You grabbed Hyun-ju, Geum-ja, Yong-sik, and Young-mi, holding onto them tightly as the timer began ticking down, and you only vaguely noticed as your group joined another group of five. Together, you pushed your way into a room, barely making it inside before the doors sealed shut.

Breathing heavily, you looked up only to see that across the room, Dae-ho stood with his group. 456, 390, 001, 222. No way. Dae-ho's eyes locked onto yours almost instantly, the proximity between you both the closest it had been in years.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, stepping toward you. His voice carried that familiar warmth, even undercut by tension. 

The words froze you for a moment. You hadn't expected him to speak to you directly, and certainly not with such concern. "I'm fine," you managed, your voice steady even as your hands tightened into fists at your sides. "We made it."

Before he could say more, Hyun-ju intervened, and you inwardly thanked her for that. "We're all fine," she said sharply, though not unkindly. Her eyes flicked between you and Dae-ho, clearly assessing the unspoken tension. "Let's focus on staying that way."

The room settled into an uneasy silence as the timer reset. You kept your distance, stealing occasional glances at Dae-ho as he conferred not only with his group, but also with your group. He still had that same steady energy, guiding Player 222 to sit down on the ground with a reassuring tone and helpful hand. It sent a pang through you, a strange mix of admiration, longing, jealousy, and bitterness.

Once the doors opened, you couldn't wait to leave it as soon as possible and be back on the platform. You exhaled, ignoring the bloodbath on the ground and waiting for the next round to begin.

"Still avoiding me, huh?" Dae-ho's low voice came from behind you, startling you slightly. You turned your head just enough to see him standing there, his gaze unreadable.

"I'm not avoiding you," you lied, crossing your arms defensively. "There are just... a lot of people here."

"Right," he said, his tone carrying the faintest trace of sarcasm. He stepped closer, lowering his voice even further to avoid drawing attention. "You didn't even look at me back in there. I'm not stupid."

You glanced quickly toward the others slowly and exhaustedly taking their places on the platform. No one was paying attention to you.

"What do you want, Dae-ho?" you asked quietly, keeping your voice even.

"I just want to know how you're doing," he said, his tone softening. "You're here, in this mess, and... it's not like I don't care."

The sincerity in his voice made your stomach twist. You turned fully to face him, your arms still crossed. "Why does it matter? You should focus on your group. They need you."

He studied you for a moment, his expression still unreadable. "And you don't?"

"I didn't say that," you said quickly, then shook your head, frustrated at yourself for engaging. "I'm fine, Dae-ho. I can take care of myself."

He exhaled softly, his eyes searching yours. "You don't have to."

The words hung between you, heavy and unspoken. For a moment, the room felt smaller, quieter. Just then, the platform beneath your feet began to rumble softly, the motion sudden and disorienting as it started to spin again. The unexpected movement threw you off balance, and you instinctively reached out, your hand brushing against his chest before you could steady yourself again. Dae-ho's hand moved as well out of reflex, hovering near you, but he hesitated, his fingers curling back before he touched you.

Everyone focused on regaining their footing, the air heavy with anticipation. No one spoke now. All eyes turned to the display above, waiting for the next number to be announced. The tension thickened, each second dragging as the platform continued to spin, the haunting melody playing once again.

Your pulse quickened, the unease growing. You stole one last glance at Dae-ho, but his attention was already on the display, his jaw set, his posture steady despite the shifting ground beneath him.

And then, the platform stopped, the number flashing ominously on the screen. 4.

Your heart sank as you realized you'd have to split off from your current group. Geum-ja and Yong-sik clung to each other immediately, and Hyun-ju put a protective hand on Young-mi's shoulder. Before anyone could ask what you'd do, you took a step back.

"I'll find another group," you said quickly, avoiding their gazes.

Hyun-ju frowned but nodded. "Be careful," she said, her tone laced with suspicion.

You didn't wait for anyone to say more, darting into the fray, hurrying to put as much distance between Dae-ho and yourself. You managed to gather three strangers, players who looked just desperate enough not to question you, as you secured a room in time. The door sealed shut behind you, and for a brief moment, you let out a shaky breath, pretending that the tightness in your chest wasn't from leaving him behind again.

By the final round, only 126 players remained. The platform spun for what felt like an eternity before stopping abruptly. The number on the display flashed: 2.

The room erupted into chaos. People sprinted, shoving and clawing at each other in desperation. You froze, your mind blank as you scanned the crowd. Panic blurred your thoughts, the timer ticking down far too fast.

Until you saw him.

Dae-ho was weaving through the throng of people, his movements sharp and precise. Before you could think twice, he turned, his eyes meeting yours. For a second, everything else faded, the noise, the chaos, the rising panic. It was just him, standing there, staring at you as though time had stopped.

But then he moved, closing the distance between you in two quick strides. Before you could react, his hand wrapped firmly around your wrist, and he pulled you toward the nearest room.

"Come on!" he barked, his tone urgent but unyielding.

The two of you ran, weaving through the crowd as the timer ticked dangerously close to zero. You barely registered the other players anymore, your entire focus on the warmth of his hand and the steady pull of his grip.

The door slammed shut behind you just as the timer hit zero. You collapsed against the wall, your chest heaving as you struggled to catch your breath. Dae-ho stood across from you, his gaze burning into yours as the silence stretched between you.

"We need to talk," he said finally, his voice low but firm.

You stared at him, your mind racing, unsure of whether to run again or finally face the storm you had spent so long avoiding.

The silence felt heavier than the air in the room, pressing down on your chest as if daring you to speak first. You remained frozen, your back against the cold wall, your mind racing with every reason to avoid this conversation. But Dae-ho didn't move. His gaze was unwavering, cutting through your defenses like a blade.

"You've been running from me since the moment I saw you," he said, his voice quiet but laced with frustration. "And I'm tired of pretending I don't notice."

You opened your mouth to argue, to deny it, but the words wouldn't come. Instead, you dropped your gaze, focusing on the floor beneath you, the slight tremor in your legs a reminder of just how close you'd come to death moments ago.

"You don't understand," you muttered finally, your voice barely audible.

"Then make me understand," he shot back, his tone sharper now. He stepped closer, the weight of his presence making it impossible to look anywhere else but at him. "You think I'm just going to ignore you? Pretend like you're not here? Like I don't-" He stopped himself, his jaw tightening as if he were physically restraining the words.

He sighed, his tone softening. "Seeing you here, in this place… Do you have any idea what that's been like for me?"

You swallowed hard, your chest tightening as his words sank in. "I didn't ask you to follow me here," you whispered, the words cutting even as you said them.

"I didn't follow you," he replied, the intensity in his voice making you flinch. "I didn't even know you were here until I saw you during that second game. And if I had-" He stopped again, running a hand through his hair. "If I had, I would've never pressed O. We would've walked out right then. Only one vote decided to quit or continue the games. My vote."

The rawness in his voice made your stomach twist. You forced yourself to look at him, and for the first time, you saw the exhaustion etched into his features, the weight he'd been carrying, the same weight you'd been trying to run from.

"Then why didn't you quit when you had the chance? Why do you blame me for your own vote?" you asked, your tone sharper than you intended.

"I don't blame you. It's just… if you weren't here, I'd have nothing to lose," he admitted, his voice dropping. "I thought if I won, I could fix what I broke. What we broke."

You blinked at him, your heart pounding. "You mean, what I broke."

"Stop saying that," he said, his voice rising slightly. "Stop taking the blame for something we both had a hand in. I made mistakes, too, and you leaving, it didn't fix anything. It just made it worse."

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, but you blinked them away, refusing to let them fall. "You don't know what it was like," you said quietly. "Watching you work yourself to death, trying to fix everything for me. I couldn't stay and watch you destroy yourself."

"So you destroyed us instead?" he asked, the hurt evident in his voice.

The words hit like a punch to the gut, and you felt the tears you'd been holding back finally spill over. "It was the only way I could save you."

"Save me?" he repeated, a bitter laugh escaping his lips. "You didn't save me. You just made me lose the only thing I cared about. And you know what's worse? I thought I deserved it. I thought I wasn't good enough for you, that I let you down."

His words hung in the air, and for a moment, all you could do was stare at him, your chest heaving as the weight of his pain settled over you like a suffocating blanket.

"I'm sorry," you whispered finally, your voice breaking. "I thought... I thought I was doing the right thing."

Dae-ho's expression softened, and he took another step closer, his voice quieter now. "The right thing would've been staying and letting me figure it out with you. That's all I ever wanted."

Tears welled in your eyes as you whispered, "I thought you hated me."

He kneeled in front of you, his hands trembling as they cupped your face. "I could never hate you. Not for a second. I loved you then, and I love you now."

The words broke something inside you, your tears spilling over as you finally let yourself feel the weight of it all. You shook your head, realizing the mistake you made, "I thought I was protecting you."

"And I thought I was protecting you," he whispered, his forehead resting against yours. "But all we did was hurt each other."

Both his thumbs swiped away the tears that slipped down your cheeks. "I don't care about the past. I don't care about anything except this. Right now. Tell me you don't love me, and I'll walk away. But if there's even a part of you that still-"

"I never stopped," you cut in, your voice barely audible.

His breath hitched, and he pulled you into his arms, pressing a soft kiss to your hair and holding you as though afraid you might slip away again. His body was warm, solid, and for the first time in years, you felt like you could breathe.

The two of you stayed like that for what felt like hours, clinging to each other as the weight of the world pressed down on you.

"We don't know what's going to happen," you said finally, your voice shaky. "These games... they're not going to let us both make it out alive."

His grip on you tightened, his jaw clenching. "We'll figure it out. We'll survive. Both of us."

"Dae-"

"Don't," he said firmly, pulling back to look at you. "I already lost you once. I'm not losing you again."

You opened your mouth to respond, but the sound of the announcement system crackling to life cut you off. The same automated female voice filled the room, announcing the end of the game.

The moment shattered, the tension between you replaced by the cold reality of where you were. But as the words faded and doors unlocked again, Dae-ho didn't move away. His gaze remained fixed on yours, a silent promise lingering in his eyes.

This wasn't over. Not yet.

[melminli]

I LOVEDDDDDDD your Thanos “bang bang bang” post and it made me very curious abt how they know eo and stuff and like I’d love to read more about it in general if you don’t mind. It’s so great and I love your writing <333 have a fun day / night 🫶🏻

BANG BANG BANG ll

summary - thanos was always just such an easy person to argue with. you really hated the guy and that was something that was never going to change, even if your life was on the line and it fucking was.

pairing: (thanos) choi su-bong x fem. reader

word count: 1.8k

contains: violence, angst, death, drug use and addiction, dark content - just usual squid game stuff really

a/n: ty so much! this turned out kinda freaky but that is because thanos is a freak so, i didn't really have a choice.

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There was an eerie silence among all the participants for the first few seconds after the first death happened. The realization of what this meant for everyone present slowly sank in, and you thought that maybe the crazy man with all his screaming, wasn't quite as crazy as you originally thought. The real madman was probably the person somewhere upstairs or - you didn't know exactly where, but you knew that they were watching you.

“Don't move!” His voice shouted again, but this time with a completely different force. It may be that this was the most logical conclusion one could draw from what had just happened, but some seemed to throw all logic out of the window as soon as the fear of death hit. It only took one person to panic to set off a domino effect and from one second to the next loud gunshots could be heard, following the fearful screams of one person after another. The participants were being slaughtered like frightened animals in a cage, what kind of sick game was really going on here?

You too began to tremble as you looked down at the floor, dissociating and trying to ignore your surroundings as best you could. You had to stop yourself from flinching when the person right next to you was killed, even as you felt his still warm blood covering your cheek, even as a small river of it started pooling around your foot. You were most likely going to leave a trace of him all over the ground as soon as you started walking again - whoever he was. It didn't take very long for everyone who had moved to be shot, maybe half a minute - and yet it must have been the worst half minute of your life so far.

“Don't you dare move,” Thanos said in a voice you weren't used to hearing from him. “I'm serious, don't make me mad.”

You just looked at his back from behind, with a tense posture while you tried to regain control of your breathing again. Finally, there was complete silence on the pitch again. Even if it wasn't an entirely welcome silence.

The voice from the loudspeakers began to speak again and you already knew that this would be a voice that would haunt you in your nightmares. “Let me repeat: You can move forward while the tagger shouts, Green light, red light. If your movement is detected afterward, you will be eliminated.”

Ah, so that's what you meant with eliminated. A bit literal but no biggie! The game continued, but no one really dared to move a muscle even when the puppet looked away. You then saw Thanos shift slightly out of the corner of your eye and noticed that he was pulling his cross necklace out of his t-shirt. Safe to say, that you could barely believe what you were seeing right before your very eyes. You've got to be kidding me, they took everything we had from us, but he was allowed to keep that old thing? “Are you seriously going to take that stuff now?” you whispered in disbelief but didn't really judge him for it. You were this close to just laughing out loud at the absurdity of the scene, but you didn't.

“You don't have to be jealous, sweetheart,” he replied with slightly shaky hands as he stopped his movement abruptly when the doll finished talking. He just stared longingly at the colorful pills in front of him. “I don't mind sharing with you, you know that.”

You sighed inwardly at the thing you were about to do. You had been clean for maybe about three years by now and quitting drugs of any kind overnight was fucking hard - definitely one of the hardest things you had to do in your life. On the other hand, your life was still as shitty as before, the only difference being that you were now consciously depressed and unhappy, so who cares? You could die every second anyway. “Thanks.” you just said after taking the pill out of his hand and threw the thing as quickly as possible in your mouth as soon as the doll looked away. Yeah, you were the biggest hypocrite on earth, old news.

It only took maybe a few seconds after that for you to feel the effects of the pill and then finally, all the stress started to dissipate. Your muscles relaxed, all the shouting about whatever felt like a soft pillow hugging you and the weird laying positions of the dead around you suddenly seemed incredibly funny. These were really strong pills, you could practically feel your whole body tingling. “Why are they all suddenly forming a line?” you asked with a grin and Thanos just hummed, not knowing the answer himself. “No idea, but watch this,” he said and waited until the puppet had turned towards you to push the person next to him, causing everyone in front of them to fall over too. “Ding! You lost,” he told them while wiggling his eyebrows and smirking after he watched them get shot.

You didn't even try to stifle your laughter at the scene. “You really are such an asshole.” you replied, shoving him aside this time after the doll averted its gaze. You then ran away as fast and as far away as you could so that he couldn't take revenge on you for what you had just done. However, you quickly stopped moving with both hands in the air as soon as the girlish voice emitted red light as if you were surrendering to her. You stifled your grin and pretty much failed when you noticed a slightly older woman standing relatively close to you. “Hey, are you trying to hide behind me to use me as a shield?” you spoke out without moving your mouth much and watched as she began to sweat more after you realized what she was doing. Still, she didn't pay you any further attention. “And now you're ignoring me too?” you spat out annoyed and grabbed her by the arm when you were free to move and pulled her in front of you against her will.

She tried to fight you off but you forced her further forward while she tried to defend herself. “You're older than me, aren't you ashamed of yourself?” You asked her and stopped walking before the robot's face turned towards you.

Number 57, who was still resisting your grip, stumbled a little to the side when you suddenly let go of her. She was about to howl in delight when she noticed how everyone else stood still. “No…” she mumbled out fearfully. “It's because of that bitch! I didn't -” she tried to defend herself to someone as she looked around the room, but her head caught the bullet before she could even finish her sentence.

“I may be a bitch, but at least I'm still alive.” you sang to her dead body on the floor before running past her. You didn't know how much time was left, but you had almost made it to the finish line anyway. You stopped with your back to the robot girl this time and it didn't take you long to spot the purple hair in the crowd. “Su-bong!” you shouted his name, since you had somehow gotten separated while running. You waited until he yelled back with a what?! “Last one there, gets fucked in the ass!” you yelled out without any shame or filter and saw his facial expression turn serious at the challenge. “Let's Go!”

The whole game went by relatively quickly once you took the pill from Thanos. It was actually quite fun, you thought to yourself as you both jumped around like two crazy people with grinning faces, waving your arms around wildly. I know it's not socially acceptable to say this, but I fucking love doing drugs! It was like everything around you was happening in slow motion and all the decisions you made felt foggy, like you didn't even realize what you were doing.

You loved being this person, it felt great to forget everything and just - not think. “I have won! No, really! You crossed the line two steps after me, I saw it!” you exclaimed before Thanos could object to a single thing. “Didn't anyone else see that?” you exclaimed in disbelief as if the others weren't busy staying alive while watching several others die right before their faces. You didn't care about the looks they gave you as you waved your hand. “No, they definitely saw it. I won.”

Thanos just gave in with a heavy sigh and a roll of his eyes. “Yeah yeah, I'm getting fucked in the ass which is gay, very funny.” he just mumbled to himself annoyed, and continued to avoid your gaze, but couldn't help grin again when you slapped him on the shoulder laughing. “Hey, why did we stop doing all this again?” he asked you when he couldn't remember the reason. All he knew was that he hadn't had this much fun in a long time, even though he knew that he always had a great time with you - no matter what.

You laughed. “Oh, that's because you promised me that we'd both get clean together, and then you spent the money I gave you for rehab on more drugs behind my back.“ you laughed along with him, even if Thanos frowned a little at the memory and you started to smile forcedly after remembering again how he had betrayed you. “Or what was it again? Was it something about that Youtuber you told me about…” you mumbled to yourself obliviously, feeling any sense of happiness begin to fade. You finally gave up, the details weren't that important anyway. “It doesn't really matter though, right? In any case, you used the money for something else, whatever it was. Even though you knew how hard I worked for it - hell, I didn't even eat most days to scrape it together, man.” you stated while you looked him in the face, even though he averted his gaze from you. “That's just fucked up dude.”

Exactly. You actually hated being this person. You might not remember it right now, but you would as soon as the effects of the pill wore off, which hopefully wasn't soon. You really hoped it wasn't soon, because you didn't want to be aware of anything that had happened today.

next.

[assumptionprime]

"I Just Don't Think That's Going To Happen"

Good news: I finally made a new comic!

Bad news: It's about something that sucks! If the good news here outweighs the bad, maybe support me on Patreon.

In the midst of talking about how much this sucks, I am extremely fortunate to even be able to move to somewhere safer. Please support those who can't, or who need a helping hand to go somewhere they can be themselves. (Give trans people money)

[Image description: Comic, sixteen panels. Panel 1: Robin speaking on her phone, clearly distressed, tears in her eyes: "I'm telling you that I'm scared. These people-- the kind of people you vote for-- want to take my health care, my rights away from me. I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave my home." The voice from the phone answers: "Well," Large dialogue text in a large white space between panels: "I just don't think that's going to happen." Panel 2: Robin, wide eyes still tearing up, stares in disbelief at her phone. Panel 3: A website heading "Home > News" above a headline that reads "Utah just banned gender-affirming healthcare for transgender kids. These 21 other states are considering similar bills in 2023." Panel 4: Another headline reads "Health care for transgender adults becomes new target in 2023 legislative session." sub heading continues: "Lawmakers prefiled many anti-trans bills ahead of state--" Panel 5: Robin looking at a tablet screen, concerned. Panel 6: Robin siting on a couch, watching TV. A speaker on the TV says: "After the anti-LGBTQ+ campaign prompted several protests and bomb threats made against the Boston facility, the group has now turned its gaze toward the Gender Health Program at Vanderbilt Medical Center in Nashville." Panel 7: Several headlines: "New Tennessee bill banning 'male or female impersonators' in public could criminalize drag performers and trans people" "Missouri lawmakers ban transgender care for minors, restrict coverage for adults" "Tennessee has passed a ban on gender affirming health care for trans kids. The bill's exceptions may only exist on paper" They headlines are accompanied by a map showing the severity of anti-transgender legislation in different US states. Panel 8: Robin's spouse Jordan sitting on the couch, looking up from her laptop toward Robin. Robin is gripping her arm tightly, a look of distress and sadness on her face, tears welling in her eyes. Jordan says "That's it. We're leaving." Panel 9: Robin taping the top of a cardboard moving box, looking over her shoulder toward Jordan, who is saying something as she walks away holding another box. More boxes are stacked behind them. Panel 10: Robin sitting at a table with a large stack of paperwork and holding a pen. She is leaning back and groaning: "Eughhhhhh" Panel 11: Robin standing with three friends, embracing as one of them speaks "I'm glad we got to see you before you left. We'll miss you." Panel 12: Jordan and Robin standing by the open trunk of their car. Several bags and suitcases are loading into the back. Jordan is shoving things in tighter and grumbling "It WILL fit!" Robin, holding a vacuum compression bag of full of clothing that has yet to go in the trunk, looks unsure. Panel 13: Robin and Jordan standing in the empty house, lights off, with sunlight coming in from the windows in the back doors and lighting them from behind. Robin looks upset, Jordan has a comforting hand on her shoulder. Panel 14: Jordan and robin sitting in the very full car, their dog in the back seat. Jordan is driving, Robin in the passenger seat looking out the window. Panel 15: Robin, still in the passenger seat of the car, now propping her head up with her hand on her cheek. She is looking down, seeming morose. Large dialogue text in a large white space between panels: "I just don't think that's going to happen." Panel 16: closer shot on Robin. Her gaze has shifted outside the window, her expression is now bitter, with tears gathering in her eyes.]

[totalswag]

outer banks premiere and surprises — DREW STARKEY

authors note the new season is so good!!! watching part two trailer makes me even more excited. what do you guys think of it?

taglist ⤕ if you would like to be notified every time i post you will type in your username then be all set.

summary surprising drew at the outer banks premiere for season four. he thinks you are on tour but you made time to support him.

warnings cursing, mentions of flashing lights, kissing, and celebrating season four of outer banks.

You carefully walked out the car with your hand holding one side of your dress so you don’t fall. You thanked the driver with a kind smile before walking towards the red carpet with your manager. The sound of fans could be heard the closer you got.

The season four premiere of Outer Banks is tonight, and you plan to surprise your boyfriend, Drew Starkey, on the carpet. Except for Jonas and Drew's father, no one is aware of your impending arrival.

You recently started touring for your newest album― it's been an absolute blast. This night is very important to Drew and you are glad your next show is two hours away so it was perfect to surprise him and see his reaction.

You were glad to fit this surprise last minute.

When you get closer to the crowd of people butterflies form in the pit of your stomach— more so excitement and enthusiasm. Security led you through the entrance where everyone stood for pictures and fans waiting to interact with the cast.

Drew was in the middle of taking pictures in front of cameras and fans behind them— he looked so good in his suit. Few fans turned their heads when they heard security taking on the radio and their faces lit up seeing you.

Oh my gosh is that Y/N?

She’s here to surprise him watch

My parents are finally together in front of me

Drew turned his head in your direction where all the commotion was— he was in disbelief seeing you walking over to him looking stunning from head to toe. Smile forming in the corner of his lips, opening his arms for you.

"Hi baby!" You squeal softly, looking at him with affection and joy. You stand on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek— he smells wonderful with the new cologne you bought him.

"I'm so glad you are here," he says with a grin, clutching you closely to his chest.

As you two walk away, you turn around to face Drew's father, hugging him and asking how things are doing. You approached his father first about the surprise, and he was all for it.

Paparazzi wanted to capture a few shots of Drew and you together. You two couldn't take your gaze away from one other the entire time. The butterflies in your stomach had not faded the moment you arrived.

Drew and you approached fans and took pictures, signed autographs, made films, and so forth. You stayed by Drew's side the entire time rather than being the focus of attention— this is about him and his cast members. Tonight is all about him and the cast.

"I love your new album Y/N, and I'm going to your next show in two days," one fan exclaimed, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes as she looked around sixteen. "Aw, thank you so much, gorgeous—I can't wait for you to be out there," you say softly, leaning in for a big hug.

"Y/N I can't believe you are here!" Madelyn gasps in surprise, pausing in her tracks and placing her palm on her chest— jaw dropped.

You look over your shoulder, squealing with delight. "Surprise, Missy," you say aloud, raising your arms.

The rest of the cast followed, engulfing you in a frenzy of hugs and enthusiastic conversations. Drew couldn't stop smiling, and his arm never left your waist while you socialized with friends. Conversations went smoothly, with laughter resonating in the air.

"When I saw you with Drew, I was like no way that's Y/N" Chase explained as he re-created his initial reaction seeing you.

You laughed as he told you, "The only people who knew were our managers and Drew's dad." You pointed to your's and Drew's managers, then Drew's father talking to Madison. 

It was great to see everyone again and catch up on things that hadn't been mentioned. It felt like it had been years since you last saw one other. 

"You look so good tonight, baby," you nudge Drew with a quiet whisper, "too good, I might add." You smirk nonchalantly, which immediately draws his attention—dragging his hand down your back, drawing you closer to him.

"May I just say the same thing about you because I think I need an inhaler?" he asks with a flirty grin.

Inside the auditorium, they watched the first half of the show, your hand interlaced with Drew's. You could feel his joy and pleasure in the work they had all done for the new season. And he could feel your steadfast support, your presence anchored him.

Drew's performance throughout the show was incredible—he was always giving it his all and keeping in character without breaking. Rafe's character development is much more obvious this season than it was in the first. Throughout the show, you would lean into his ear— sending chills down his spine. You whispered encouraging things to him.

Shortly after the first part of the show, an announcement was made about an after-party to which everyone was invited. Obviously, everyone was looking forward to attending and celebrating.

Everyone had access to food, desserts, and drinks at the after party. Music was played while everyone sang along to the songs. This was one night to remember. Drew and the cast were ecstatic to celebrate yet another outstanding season.

You found a calm spot with Drew. He wrapped his arms around you, bringing you closer. "Thank you for being here," he whispered quietly, his eyes brimming with love. "It means everything to me."

You grinned and leaned in to kiss him gently. "There's nowhere else I'd rather be," you said quietly.

my taglist!

✰ if you would like to be added to my taglist and be notified whenever i post please let me know in the comments or in my ask box. if there's a line across your name that means i couldn't find your account.

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[yeagerprincess]

Connie Springer x Shy Reader (smut)

This is entirely self indulgent 🫣 Reader is neurodivergent

Have you ever believed in love at first sight? The mall was bustling with patrons, though it all seemed to fade into nothing when he first laid eyes on you. Pretty and brown, all dolled up in your little outfit. That fitted hello kitty crop top hugged around your chest and waist perfectly, your baggy ripped jeans with the rhinestone back pockets, and those pure white air forces. Your curls framed your face perfectly, bouncing with each step you took. And those lips -the 5% tint lip liner with the clear gloss combo- had Constance Springer hopelessly sprung.

Connie weaseled his way away from his friend's table at the food court, but not without an earful about how he's "always chasing some girl" and "we supposed to be chillen."

You were at GameStop when he saw you, standing there slightly swaying in place as you read the back of a game case. "Scuse me?" He asked politely, his heart pounding out of his chest when you glance up at him for a split second. You quickly turned your attention back to the armful of games that you just couldn't possibly decide between, murmuring a quiet "Oh, I don't work here."

He so stunned by your response that he almost bursts out laughing, but he caught himself and settled for a for a little chuckle and a cute, dimpled smile. "Where do you work?"

Your cheeks began to heat up, heart fluttering in your chest. Being stopped in public always made you a little nervous, especially when it was a man stopping you. But that dopey grin was working its magic on you. And those tattoos. And his pretty lips. Long, dark eyelashes. Deep, piercing eyes. Fuck, he was cute.

"I-I uh, sorry, I get mistaken for an employee sometimes," you explain, bashfully averting your gaze as Connie's smile widens. He nods his head slightly as you speak, finding the whole display pretty adorable. "I'm a nail tech."

"Oh forreal? You do your own nails too?"

"Mhm," you hum. He's cute, but situations like these are usually pretty difficult to navigate when you're neurodivergent. You're not sure what to do with your hands, where to look, or what to say. There's no doubt you're attracted to him, but some things are just a little harder for you sometimes. Luckily, he didn't seem to be too fazed by your lack of eye contact or by your short responses. Something about your body language told him all he needed to know, a skill you desperately wished you also possessed at the moment.

"I like those. That pink looks pretty on you. What's your name?" He's so direct, it's kind of sexy.

"I'm 🩷"

"I'm Connie. So you play Yu-Gi-Oh?" He gestures to the case in your hand, prompting you to nod your head. Connie reached down into his pocket and pulled out a deck of Yu-Gi-Oh cards, each card individually sheathed in its own protective plastic sleeve. Your eyes light up and you finally flash him that smile he's been after, bonus points for the cute little laugh you peppered in for no extra charge. "You know I keep them thangz on me," he joked, joining you in laughter as you reached into your purse and pulled out your own deck. Connie's mouth flew wide open from disbelief, making you hide behind your manicured nails in an attempt to quiet your giggling.

Your new friend escorted you all through the mall and had been learning quite a bit about you; your clientele, your taste in music, the way you like your nachos, the way you leaned your ear in closer when you wanted to hear him better, the way you fidget with your nails, how springy and bouncy you'd suddenly become when you got to talk about one of your interests. Connie could pace around the mall with you until his legs went numb, but as all things do, your impromptu 'date' had come to an end. It was starting to get late and you absolutely loathed being out during night time.

Connie towered over you, peering down at you with those big, pretty, midnight eyes as you made your way to the exit doors. You couldn't take it, the way he looked at you. Like he was missing someone he'd never met before. Despite your nerves, you decide to be bold and offer him your phone. "You wanna hang out again?" That contagious smile spread across Connie's face once more as he saved his number in your contacts, and once he was finished and you'd put your phone away, he offered you his hand. You watched and waited expectantly, until he chuckled and took one of your delicate hands with both of his larger, rougher ones, his thumbs caressing over your soft skin. "I had fun today, 🩷. I hope you did too."

Connie noticed early on that you were a hopeless romantic, albeit inexperienced. You wanted to take things slowly, feel the sparks between the two of you, whereas Connie had been through his fair share of girls and was honestly kind of a fuckboy. But something about you had burrowed its way into the depths of his heart, making him want to abandon his old ways for you. When you spoke about love and what you wanted from a relationship, the sweetness and softness in your point of view was beyond endearing to him. Being a better man for you was no longer a choice to him. He'd give anything to be the man of your dreams.

A few months into your relationship, you decided to finally let Connie stay the night at your apartment. He was laid up in your arms, your bodies tangled up comfortably together as old cartoons played on your TV. Each time to ran your fingers over the scruff of his hair, you coaxed yet another sigh of pleasure from Connie's pretty pink lips. "Feel good, baby?" You asked in that soft little voice that he loved so much, earning yourself a nod from him. Your fingers trailed all over him -his hair, the back of his neck, his ears, throat, shoulder blades- leaving him in a state of bliss in your arms.

Connie's eyes finally opened as he tilted his head back to plant a kiss on your jawline, making your heart skip a beat. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," you answer with zero hesitation, clinging to your man and peppering his face with butterfly kisses.

It all went by in a blur. Your clothes were scattered around the floor, leaving you naked underneath Connie as he ravished your plump lips. "You sure, princess?" he whispered against your lips in between kisses, hips grinding down against yours and making you whine into his mouth. "You gone let me have this pussy?" You nod, rolling your hips upward and sliding your clit against his tip, earning yourself a lewd groan from Connie.

"Mmmm, yeah, baby, I want that dick in my pussy." Connie's ears perked up in surprise. Where the hell did you learn to talk like that? What happened to that shy, romantic lover girl? He licked his lips, catching the lower one in between his teeth as he slowly sank his tip into your sopping, creamy pussy. Your brows are furrowed, eyes locked on Connie's, despite the multiple conversations you'd had about being on the spectrum and having a hard time with eye contact. What happened to all that?

Your mouth hangs open as you turn your attention to your pussy, watching as his big, angry dick squeezes its way deeper and deeper inside you, filling you so completely that your eyes roll back before he even begins to thrust. Connie wasn't doing any better. His eyes rolled back in his head as your pleasured sighs and whimpers cloud his mind. "You lookin' at that shit, baby?" he coos as his hips slowly move on top of you, your pussy making lewd, wet noises around his dick. "Mhm, I'm lookin', Daddy," you answer breathlessly, pouty lips forming a small "O" as you keep your eyes glued to the lascivious display of carnal desire before you. Hearing you call him daddy with that sweet, pretty voice makes him want to jackhammer into you until you cry, but he settles for a slight increase of pressure, fucking himself harder and deeper into you.

Suddenly, Connie lifts your legs, pinning your knees to the mattress, leaving your legs dangling over his shoulders. He drills his hips even harder into you, his lips and teeth latching onto your dark nipples to suck and bite at them at the same time. "Ohmygod, Connie!" You dig your nails into his biceps, that sexy voice moaning his name going straight to his nuts.

"Mhm," he answers, "Daddy dick feel good, baby?"

"Oohh, I love Daddy' dick," you whine, the sound of Connie's guttural, deep groans and his dirty talk making your pussy grip him even tighter. "That's it, baby, squeeze down on that dick." You squeal, unsure of how much more you can take. The way he's talking to you is unlike anything you'd ever imagined, making you gush around him every time he opens his filthy fucking mouth. "Imma milk that dick, baby, I'm milking that fat ass dick with this pussy," you whimper into his neck, sucking and biting at the soft flesh of his throat, Connie's eyes rolling back from the sting. You rake your pretty pink nails down his spine as he mercilessly pistons himself into you at a disrespectful pace, the sound of skin meeting skin echoing through your room.

"Oooouhhh, Connie, I'm cumming, I'm cumming all on that big dick!" You squeal as Connie drills into your sweet spot, making you see stars as your orgasm tears through you. "Mmmm, shit, cream all on that fuckin' dick baby, fuck, Imma cum, I'm cummin' baby, milk this fuckin' dick," Connie babbles as he mindlessly thrusts into you, forcing your knees against the mattress with his rough, tattooed hands as he slams his cum into your gushing pussy, fucking you both through your orgasms. He punctuates his every thrust with "Take it, take it, take it, fuckin' take it," until he's spent, and finally releases his iron grip on your poor thighs.

"Want me to roll you a blunt, Daddy?"

"You gone be the death of me, girl."

[darkmatilda]

𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 | 𝐬.𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: spencer never thought he’d be woken up in the middle of the night by a woman who didn’t even particularly like him, asking him to examine her breast. and yet, there he was.

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬/𝐭𝐰: spencer reid x diva!chemist reader, mention of the case they're working on, reader thinks she might be infected by something dangerous, reader is half-naked, chemical nonsense and a made-up disease, reader is described with slightly longer hair, but that's just for the sake of the plot lol—you can imagine her however you want.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 3k

𝐚/𝐧: i know something else won the poll but i just couldnt stop myself from writing this. the next part will be one of your requests :3 (shoutout to @angellic4l for listening me ramble about this—btw i used some of her quotes here because shes my personal comedian)

"My weekend? Nothing special," Morgan began, leaning back against the hood of the car. His dark sunglasses had slid slightly down his nose, shielding him from the harsh sunlight beating down on the shopping mall parking lot where they stood. Or rather, where they waited.

"I promised Pen I’d drop by for the evening, but it kinda stretched out. Especially after she talked me into some wine..."

Spencer zoned out somewhere in the middle of that sentence, not even realizing when the words started slipping past his ears instead of through them. And he liked to think he was good at multitasking.

His gaze had been fixed for a while now on the police-secured entrance to the mall, where a woman in a protective suit was stepping outside, slowly peeling it off. The forensic team beside her started discussing something with her, but she barely acknowledged them, sliding the suit down to her ankles and stepping out—one foot, then the other. Underneath, she was wearing her usual formal attire.

Her lips moved as she replied, her face betraying nothing but focus. One hand reached up to push back strands of messy hair…

"…And then on Saturday, we got word from Hotch that he won a belly dance competition at the White House. So, obviously, we baked him cupcakes."

Morgan trailed off, waiting for a response. One of his eyebrows arched in that weird, expectant way.

Spencer realized, too late, that he hadn't been listening at all. Clearing his throat, he grabbed onto the last words still hanging in the air between them.

"Interesting. What kind of cupcakes?" he asked.

Morgan just shook his head, part disbelief, part something else Spencer couldn't quite read.

Reid frowned. 

"What? Something wrong?"

"Morgan. Reid."

Both of them turned their heads toward Hotch, who stood behind them with his usual seriousness—except today, it seemed even more intense. Not surprising, given the kind of case they were working on.

He must have been there for a while. For reasons unknown to Spencer, Derek’s eyes suddenly widened at the sight of their boss, like he was seeing him for the first time in his life.

Reid was starting to feel more and more disoriented.

"Want you to talk to the chemists and get their opinion. Especially in the context of previous incidents," he instructed them, one of his eyes drifting sideways toward his teammate’s face. The other man simply nodded, avoiding eye contact, his lips pursed slightly forward.

A phone rang. Hotch reached into his pocket.

"Excuse me," he said, stepping away. For a moment, however, he froze, something very odd flickering across his face. “Morgan. Just so you know, I'm currently cutting down on processed sugar, so cupcakes aren't the best idea. Just for future reference."

Derek squeezed his eyes shut for a second before nodding, muttering under his breath, I’ll keep that in mind. 

When their boss walked away, he fixed his gaze on Reid and shook his head.

"I hate you. I just want you to know that."

Spencer let his arms fall helplessly to his sides.

"I— I still have no idea what you're talking about. Did you tell Hotch about you and Garcia baking cupcakes? Did you offer him some? You know, you could have guessed he wouldn’t eat that kind of stuff while training for a marathon—"

"If you value your life, you better shut up already, okay?” 

"But—"

"You."

Their conversation was interrupted by the voice of a woman approaching them—the chemist Spencer had just watched removing her protective suit. Her arms were crossed over her chest, her stride as quick as ever, and her expression held nothing remotely positive.

Derek gave her a nod. "Why the gloomy face at the sight of two such handsome profilers?"

She scoffed with the purest form of mockery. All of it.

"Ouch…" Morgan hissed in fake pain, pressing a hand to his chest as if he'd actually been wounded.

Her gaze held a certain resignation. Spencer noted that her face had an odd look, as if some of its color had drained away.

"This gloomy face is the result of looking at a body so drenched in blood that I didn’t even realize the human body could hold that much," she replied dryly, sweeping her eyes from one of them to the other as if scolding them. Then, suddenly, her stare lingered on Morgan, and her expression hardened even further. "So forgive me if, after a sight like that, I’m not exactly radiating joy or giggling at the sight of you two handsome or not. Can we finally get to the point?"

Reid couldn’t suppress a small, petty spark of satisfaction at the look on his friend’s face. Probably the first time ever that he’d taken her side, and, to his surprise, her sharp remarks actually amused him. Turns out, when they weren’t aimed at him, he could appreciate how spot-on they were.

For a fraction of a second, the corners of his mouth even twitched upward—until he reminded himself that she was right, and they really should be getting back to the case.

"Actually, we were just about to talk to you," he said.

"Mm-hmm. Sure you were. Just standing here like two useless lampposts."

He changed his mind. He didn’t like her remarks after all.

To quickly sum up the case they were working on—they had been sent to another state where, over the past few weeks, four strange incidents had occurred. So far, they hadn't identified any connections between the victims, but each had suffered a mysterious attack.

More specifically, they had all experienced sudden, severe hemorrhaging from various orifices—gruesome and unexpected. It was different from their usual cases; the unsub hadn’t directly taken their lives, but they suspected some kind of foreign, unknown substance had been introduced into their bodies. How, exactly, was still a mystery.

The most recent attack had just taken place in a shopping mall. Given the nature of the crime, they were accompanied by their trusted team of chemists.

"What we've determined so far is, well," the woman began, her tone carrying a hint of irritation, "we're dealing with the same thing as in the previous victims."

Reid couldn’t help himself—he let out a short, amused scoff at the obvious conclusion.

"That was never in question," he said, shaking his head. "Anything more? Have you figured out what was administered? When, how?"

Her expression held a double dose of irritation—at him, obviously, and at the fact that her team hadn’t managed to figure out anything more.

"So far, we suspect that the method of transmission wasn’t through contact with a contaminated surface or accidental ingestion," she explained. "In other words, the most likely scenario is that it was introduced directly into the victim’s body. Did you see the other corpses? Any injection marks?"

Spencer exchanged a glance with Morgan, trying to recall. His friend slowly shook his head.

"We’re not sure," he admitted. "But a lot of their bodies were covered in a rash, which might’ve distracted us from spotting any puncture wounds."

The atmosphere between them shifted, thickening with realization. They were all arriving at the same unsettling conclusion.

"So, what—you think some mad scientist is cooking up potions at home and injecting random people? Just picking them out of a crowd and—"

"I don’t think so," Reid interrupted, thoughtful. "I actually wondered if the rash could be an early symptom. Which would mean the substance was in their system for a while before the hemorrhaging started—a buildup of symptoms leading to the final collapse."

"A fatal buildup of symptoms," the woman added, the memory of what she’d seen clearly flashing through her mind.

Morgan turned to Reid, his gaze sharpening. "So you’re saying the victims weren’t random? That there’s a connection?"

"Well, that’s what we need to find out."

To his surprise, the woman let out a quiet hum of agreement.

"You’d better," she said, though not in a way that suggested she was wishing them luck. "Because I never want to see something like that again. I’ll let you know if we find anything else."

With that, she gave a slight nod and walked off, heading back to her team.

Spencer watched her absently, his mind still running through everything they’d learned, trying to piece it all together. He was determined to solve this before another person ended up in the same horrific state.

That’s when he realized Morgan was staring at him.

"What now?" Spencer asked.

Morgan just shook his head, the faintest hint of a smirk tugging at his lips.

*

He was on the verge of falling asleep when someone knocked on the door.

And he knew he wasn’t imagining it—it wasn’t a hesitant, uncertain tapping but a determined pounding. Loud enough to jolt him out of bed. Spencer sat up, a flicker of unease creeping in.

The case they were working on required them to stay in a motel for a few days. It was small, dimly lit, but otherwise, he had no complaints. He assumed it had to be someone from his team—maybe Morgan, wanting to share some new findings, some breakthrough. Or maybe another incident had occurred?

That thought made him jump to his feet. Within seconds, the door swung open.

But it wasn’t Morgan standing there. It wasn’t anyone from his team.

"I need you to examine my breast," the woman said without so much as a blink, before he could even open his mouth to ask what she was doing there. "And not just that. But I figured I’d start with something that might keep you particularly motivated."

Her words might have sounded lighthearted—if not for her expression. Absolute seriousness, a clenched jaw, and something else in her eyes. Something he had never seen there before.

It took him a moment to recognize it.

It looked a lot like…fear.

"You need—you want me to…what?"

He knew he must have looked, to put it mildly, like a complete idiot—staring at her with wide eyes. The theory that he was dreaming suddenly seemed a lot more convincing.

Except…why would he be dreaming about something like this?

"You heard me," she replied shortly before simply letting herself into his room. She slipped through the partially open door so closely that her hip brushed against him by accident.

Spencer remained frozen for a few more seconds before finally snapping out of his daze. He shut the door and turned to face her.

That was when he noticed—she was wearing nothing but a satin robe. Definitely not something provided by the motel, which meant she must have brought it from home. She stopped just where her back blocked the light source in his small room—the standing lamp casting a dim, yellow glow that settled gently along the edges of her figure.

He watched as she took a breath.

"I was just about to take a shower," she began. Spencer could tell she was trying to maintain a calm and measured tone, which resulted in her speaking very slowly, emphasizing each syllable. "When I noticed…I think I might have been infected with whatever those victims had. During the examination, maybe my suit was compromised—I don’t know. I just…you need to look at it and tell me."

As Spencer looked at her—the quiet desperation woven between her words—he was reminded of how she had acted earlier in the parking lot outside the shopping center. Almost masterfully concealed, but still faintly present, was the lingering shakiness from seeing a victim in such a state. Unlike him, this wasn’t something she encountered every day.

And now, that same fear was written all over her. The terror that the same thing might be happening to her.

He felt something twist in his stomach, but he quickly shook his head. He had to be the rational one here, not let panic take over.

"But…you were the one who said it likely wasn’t transmitted through physical contact. That it was introduced directly into the victim’s body by the unsub. So how would you have gotten infected?"

"That was just our assumption. A theory. For all we know, we could be completely wrong, and this thing is highly contagious, and I’m about to collapse onto this…disgusting carpet and start bleeding out from my eyes, ears, and mouth right in front of your bed!" she snapped through clenched teeth.

She took another deep breath, this one just as shaky.

"So, please, just check. Tell me if my suspicions are correct, because if they are, maybe we still have time to—"

"Okay, just—calm down," Spencer attempted, stepping toward her.

"Oh, do not tell me to calm down. I will calm down when you check."

He stared at her for a moment, neither of them moving.

"Please," she added, her voice quieter now, tight with strain. "Seriously, what’s the harm? You might not like me, but I doubt you’d wish me dead."

Spencer pressed his fingers briefly to the space between his brows, shaking his head slightly.

"I’ll do it," he finally confirmed. He had to swallow before speaking again. "Jesus. Of course, I’ll do it. You didn’t have to guilt-trip me so hard."

Her chest rose and fell in what looked like relief, and despite the circumstances, he thought he caught the faintest shadow of a smile at his words. He found himself holding his gaze there, just for a second—before forcing himself to look away, silently telling himself to focus.

"Maybe…maybe you should step closer to the light," he suggested.

He forced himself to take a step closer—to her and to the lamp. She followed his instruction slowly, turning her back to him. From the movement of her hands, it was easy to guess she was reaching for the tie of her robe.

"Most of it is on my back," she explained, sliding the fabric down to her waist, exposing the bare skin of her back.

The motel lighting was far from ideal, and Spencer had no choice but to step in even closer. In fact, he had to stand right behind her, lower his head to focus on the small marks on her skin, partially hidden by her hair. He hesitated before moving his hand. Slowly—making an effort to steady his breathing so she wouldn’t hear how close he was—he slid his fingers under her hair, carefully sweeping it to one side.

She didn’t tremble, but her shoulders lifted and fell in an uneven rhythm, signaling a shift in her breathing.

He knew it was tied to fear and uncertainty, and he didn’t want to leave her trapped in that state any longer than necessary. At the same time, he couldn’t say with certainty whether the small bumps on her skin were the same ones they had found on the previous victims.

Swallowing hard, he leaned in even closer before pulling back slightly to get a wider perspective, comparing the shape, color, and pattern of the marks in his mind. The woman glanced at him over her shoulder. Noticing that he had drawn back a little, she must have assumed he was finished, because she turned to face him. Completely. Still without pulling the robe back over herself.

"There’s a bit here too. It’s the same thing, really, but it’s better if you check everything," she said.

Spencer’s gaze lowered—slowly—from her face, from her lips forming the words, down along the length of her body.

He really hoped his face wasn’t betraying him, that it showed nothing beyond pure, clinical focus. Especially since she hadn’t taken her eyes off him for even a second, searching his expression for the answer she so desperately wanted.

But he still wasn’t sure.

Something flickered in his mind—a thought, a doubt.

The problem was that forcing himself to speak felt almost impossibly difficult.

"May I?" he asked hesitantly, raising his hand slightly but keeping it suspended in place, waiting for permission.

"Well, if it’s necessary, doctor," she murmured, a husky note in her voice.

Spencer took a breath, trying to clear his mind, and slowly placed his fingers against the marks at the center of her chest, where they seemed to intensify toward the right side. He moved carefully, lightly, feeling the texture against her skin, tracing them with deliberate slowness. The moment the answer registered in his mind, he stopped abruptly and pulled his hand back, letting it fall to his side.

The woman's eyes widened in anticipation of his response.

"It's not the same," he blurted out, his voice sinking into a wave of relief that caught him off guard.

She raised an eyebrow at the certainty in his tone.

"Are you lying just to get rid of me?"

"What? No, look…or rather…okay, you don’t have a point of reference, but trust me. The rash on the victims’ bodies was different from this. Sure, the placement and distribution are similar, but theirs had raised bumps, while yours are flatter, almost embedded in the skin. Do you get what I mean?" he explained hastily.

It didn’t help that she still hadn’t pulled her robe back on, as if waiting for him to change his mind.

"Also, the color is slightly different, which I can tell even with this terrible lighting. You’re not infected."

She kept glancing at him with a certain skepticism. Slowly, unfazed, she slid both arms fully into the sleeves of her robe, covering her back. But before tying it, she focused on pulling her hair out from under the fabric.

"Then what is it?" she asked, furrowing her brows.

He had expected her to be happier when he told her she wasn’t about to bleed out from some mysterious substance in her system. Spencer shrugged.

"A regular rash, an allergic reaction—I have no idea," he admitted honestly. "Maybe it’s the motel water, the towel, the sheets…anything you’ve come into contact with," he suggested, watching as her lips pursed slightly. That reaction made him think he had probably hit the mark.

And now that the tension between them had eased—no looming threat of her imminent death and, perhaps less critically but still relevant, she was no longer standing half-naked in front of him—he allowed himself a small, amused scoff.

"Maybe your luxury skin just doesn’t get along with cheap motel bedding."

Her lips parted slightly, and for the first time in their entire acquaintance, she was the one at a loss for words. When she briefly dropped her gaze, he sensed…embarrassment?

Somehow, the thought that she might actually be flustered—because of him, no less—felt more abstract than the fact that she had just undressed in front of him.

"I should’ve known that," she muttered to herself. "It’s not transmitted through contact. My team already ruled that out."

So all of her embarrassment stemmed purely from the fact that she had second-guessed her own intelligence and judgment—not from the fact that she had barged into the motel room of someone who wasn’t even really a friend and asked him to examine her breast.

Spencer exhaled briefly, a flicker of disbelief passing through him as he processed that realization. But he didn’t comment. Because, honestly, had he expected anything different? This was her, after all.

Realizing it was all over, she turned on her heel and headed for the door with her usual brisk stride. One moment, she was in front of him; the next, she was already at the exit, pulling it open. He half-expected her to walk out without a word, slamming the door behind her in frustration at herself.

But at the last second, she turned her head toward him. First, she pressed her lips together—then a small smirk formed.

"Thanks, doc," she quipped. "That was a truly professional breast exam."

Spencer simply closed his eyes for a second, wondering if this was the moment he should officially add her to his list of the most unserious people he knew.

"You’re welcome. Seriously—tried my best."

yes, this was inspired by an x-files episode xoxo

[geminiwritten]

at first sight ; jake 'hangman' seresin

fandom: top gun

pairing: jake x reader

summary: the squad challenge hangman to charm any girl in the bar, and phoenix chooses you, but you end up making more of an impression on him than he's is expecting

notes: i asked for some inspo and i got some! i hope this is okay, i wrote it in a day and just had a bit of fun, so let me know what you think! (i also got another request for jake, and honestly if he's who y'all want, i'm so here for it)

warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, text screenshots, and it's a little horny but otherwise fine (let me know if i've missed anything!)

word count: 3304

“Any girl in the bar?” Reuben echoes Jake’s words, disbelief saturating his tone.

Jake nods. “Any available girl in this bar.”

Bradley chuckles into the mouth of his beer bottle as he tips it to his lips while Mickey and Bob crane their necks to survey the busy bar.

“What about that one?” Mickey nods toward a high table where a woman is sitting by herself.

Jake rolls his eyes. “I said available. She’s clearly got a date and he’s just gone to get a drink. Do you see the keys on the table?”

As if on cue, a tall man with thick brows and a very square jaw places two drinks on the table before sitting across from the woman.

Javy chuckles as he subtly points toward the main door where two women have just entered the bar. “What about one of those two, Hangman?”

Jake’s green eyes dart toward the door before returning to his friend and narrowing. “Be kind, Coyote. I would prefer under the age of sixty-five.”

Natasha’s brows shoot up. “Prefer, but you’d be open to-”

“No.” Jake scowls across the table at her.

The group share a laugh before they all return to scouring the bar for an acceptable target. Jake Seresin makes big claims about his ability with ‘the ladies’ but the dagger squad are yet to witness such skill in action.

“Her.” Natasha says, brown eyes focused on someone at the bar.

Every single one of them turn to follow her gaze, and Jake’s mouth twists up into that signature smirk.

-

You sigh and slide your phone out of your back pocket, opening the text chain that made you leave the restaurant you’d been waiting at and order an Uber to the nearest bar. Another message pops up as you stare at the screen, asking where you are and if you got a table yet. You roll your eyes and take a screenshot before going to your text thread with your best friend and sending it to her.

You slide your phone back into your pocket just as the bartender places the beer you ordered in front of you. You glance up with a small smile and open your wallet to find your credit card, but someone beside you is quicker to hand the man some cash.

“It’s on me,” the stranger says, wearing an irritatingly gorgeous grin.

Your eyes narrow as you assess the man beside you. He’s wearing a well-fitting pair of jeans and a dark green button-up shirt, untucked. He’s effortlessly handsome, with sparkling green eyes and light brown hair that is perfectly combed into place. It’s almost as if someone cast a spell on a Ken doll to bring him to life. But you can tell by the way this man is grinning at you that he is much more devious than a newly animated children’s toy.

You pick up your drink and turn to face him, silently asking him to explain himself.

“Hangman.” He winks.

You frown. “I prefer Pictionary.”

His pretty smirk falters for a second before he fully processes what you said, and then he chuckles. “No, it’s my callsign. I’m a naval aviator.”

You’d figured as much – duh, you live on North Island – but you’re not in the mood for this guy’s bullshit right now. “That must be so fun for you.” You push off the barstool with your drink in hand. “Thanks for the beer.”

“Wait a minute.” He doesn’t block your path, but his words are enough to stop you out of sheer habit. “I didn’t catch your name.”

You give him a tight smile. “That’s because I didn’t throw it.”

Despite the dim, yellow lighting inside the bar, his eyes still sparkle like freshly tumbled jades. He doesn’t look as smarmy as he had a few moments ago, he looks more intrigued than cocky now. His smile isn’t quite as smirky, and his gaze is less predatory, but his eyes are still raking up and down your body. On any other day, you’d be willing to give this charming man a run for his money. You’d drag him into a booth and see if he could keep up with your verbal warfare before deciding whether or not you wanted to take him home. But not tonight.

“I’d be willing to earn your name if you give me a chance.”

You look down at your beer and sigh quietly before glancing back up at him. “Look, Hangman, I don’t doubt this routine – this charm – works on most girls, but you have really picked the wrong one tonight.”

He raises one challenging brow. “You look like the right one to me.”

“The right one for what?” You cock your hip and hold it with your free hand. “A good one-night stand or something real? Because you don’t strike me as a guy who’s looking for something real, and I’ve just about had it with one-night stands.”

His mouth pops open, but no words come out.

“And while I don’t doubt that it would be a really good one-night stand, because- well, I’m not blind, I’ve just had a really crappy day and would like to drink my beer in peace while I craft a careful and incredibly scathing text to the asshole who put me in this mood.”

You pause, waiting for him to respond or tell you that you’re crazy, but he doesn’t. He just looks at you with that same curious stare, like you’re a fascinating piece of art in a gallery.

“So, thank you for the drink, but could you please let me have my pity-party alone? You can go tell your friends you got my number, and we can just pretend that I reacted to this whole situation like any other normal person would have.”

His brows pinch as you offer him another tight smile before turning and walking toward a spare table. Once you settle in one of the chairs – your back to the room –, you have to resist the urge to turn around, because a tiny part of you wishes that you could have humoured him. He was hot, there’s no denying that, but he also seemed like an actual gentleman – an experienced gentleman, but one, nonetheless. Which is something that your life is sorely lacking.

You pull your phone out again and open up your text conversation with Declan – the guy you thought you’d been dating for the past three months.

You were supposed to have met for dinner at 7PM, and you'd been waiting at the restaurant since 6:45PM because you were so excited for your date. But after those texts, you threw your napkin on the table and walked right out the door. You hailed a cab and told the driver to take you to The Hard Deck, a bar you’ve only heard of from your friend. The same friend who you’d sent the screenshots of your conversation with Declan.

You shake your head and decide to compose a ‘get fucked’ message to Declan later. You're tired and a little upset, so you tip your beer to your lips and scull the rest of it, plonking the glass down harder than necessary as you stand up.

You call an Uber to take you home and when you slide into the back seat, you feel utterly drained and more than a little guilty about blowing off that gorgeous guy. You open your phone and tap on your text messages, pulling up your conversation with your best friend and typing out a few new messages.

Natasha’s ambiguity would usually make you nauseous with curiosity, but after the day you’ve just had, you can’t find the energy to be anxious about whatever it is she wants to talk about. You send her an affirmative text, accepting the boozy brunch, before tucking your phone away and staring out the car window for the rest of the drive home.

-

Jake has been lying awake for over an hour by the time his alarm goes off. It’s Saturday, which means he doesn’t have to be at the base, but he still likes to start his weekends early with a good workout. Normally, he’d jump out of bed at the sound of his alarm and slip straight into his gym gear, but not today. He’s barely slept, and he feels like his consciousness is on a completely different plane of existence.

He can’t stop thinking about you.

You’d caught him completely off-guard last night. When Natasha had pointed you out, he could clearly see that you were gorgeous, which is why he was more than happy to accept the challenge of ‘charming’ you. Then you had the audacity to be witty, and Jake Seresin is nothing if not a sucker for a woman with a sharp tongue. You didn’t fall for his smirk or his cheesy lines, but you weren’t rude about it either. You’d clearly had a bad day, and he felt bad for borderline harassing you, but now he feels even worse for not at least getting your name.

Jake has never believed in love at first sight, but last night is starting to prove him otherwise.

His workout today is half-assed, and he knows it, but he doesn’t bother pushing himself any further by the time his hour in the gym is up. Usually, he wouldn’t leave until his whole body was slick with sweat, but not today. Every time he closes his eyes, he can see your face, and then he doesn’t want to open them again. He’s worried that the details will start to fade, and he never wants to forget the face of the woman who has so thoroughly rocked his foundations. So that’s why when he gets home, he lays on the couch and closes his eyes, trying to burn your image into the back of his eyelids.

A couple of hours and a lot of unsuccessful internet sleuthing later, his phone rings, the screen lighting up with Natasha’s caller ID photo.

“Hello?”

“Bagman, you sound tired.”

“I’m busy. What's up?”

“Well, now you sound depressed.” He can hear the amusement in her voice. “Are you still bummed about striking out last night?”

He doesn’t care about striking out, he cares about the fact that he’s now seemingly obsessed with a mystery girl he might never see again.

“I’m not in the mood, Phoenix.”

“Alright, alright. I just wanted to see if you were coming to the beach barbecue tonight.” He can hear another muffled voice in the background, but he can’t discern who it is. “It was Payback’s idea, and everyone else is in, but you didn’t reply to the group chat. So?”

There’s a beat of silence. Jake is usually always down to hang out with his friends, but he has half a mind to spend his night scouring every bar and restaurant in town to see if he can run into you again.

“Come on, Seresin,” she presses. “One of my friends is coming too, and I really think you’ll like her.”

At that, Jake’s curiosity piques. Natasha has never offered to set him up with any of her friends before. In fact, she has distinctly threatened him should he ever try to go near any of them.

“You want to set me up with your friend?”

She scoffs. “Well, no, but- Look, you’ll understand if you come. Am I counting you in?”

He lets out a long breath as he falls back against the couch cushions. “Yeah, sure.”

- Three Hours Earlier -

You stare at your best friend in disbelief. You’ve barely taken a sip of your first mimosa, and she’s already telling you that not only was she at that bar last night, but she was the one who told the gorgeous man to approach you.

“Are you mad?” she asks, holding her champagne flute in front of her face as if it could protect her.

You take a deep breath before blowing it out through your nose. “Well, no, but I’m kind of hurt that you saw me walk into the bar and didn’t come say hi.”

She rolls her eyes playfully. “That would have ruined all the fun.”

You raise your brows. “The fun of sending one of your friends into a losing battle?”

Her smile is sheepish. “Look, if you knew Hangman like I do, you’d completely understand. And when I saw you sit at the bar, of course I wanted to come and give you a hug, but then I had this beautiful opportunity presented to me. You got to take out a little bit of frustration on the male species, and Hangman got a nice big bruise on his ego. It was a win-win.”

You take a generous sip of your mimosa and point a finger at her. “Win.”

She gives you a wink before taking a big gulp of her own drink. You spend the rest of the morning talking about Declan and crafting a simple but nasty message to send him before you block his number. After three mimosas and a shared croissant, you’re starting to feel a little boozy.

“Okay, I think we should stop.”

She nods. “Probably. I still need to go shopping for tonight. You’re coming, right?”

You roll your lips and avert your eyes, instead deciding to stare at the crumbs on the plate between the two of you.

“Come on, please.” She leans forward, doing her best puppy-dog eyes. “I know you don’t know my navy friends, but you’re never going to if you keep avoiding meeting them. Plus, Hangman should be there.”

Your heart begins to thump heavily against your sternum, which is ridiculous because you barely know the guy.

“I guess I should probably apologise to him.”

She scoffs. “You don’t need to apologise. I was kind of hoping that maybe you’d reject him again.”

You roll your eyes. “Nat, come on. I was rude to the guy, and he was perfectly-”

“Wait.” Her eyes go wide. “You actually think he’s cute, don’t you? Like, not in a flippant ‘that guy is hot’ kind of way, but in the way where you can’t stop thinking about him.”

Your pulse thrums even faster. “Pfft, no.”

“Oh, my God.” She holds a hand up to her lips to stifle her laughter. “You don’t want to apologise to him, you want to fu-”

“Nat!” you exclaim. “We are in public.”

She can’t stop giggling, her brown eyes like saucers above the hand covering her mouth, and it only takes a few more seconds before you dissolve into laughter too. You’ve definitely had enough mimosas for the morning.

It takes a few minutes, but eventually you compose yourselves enough to pay and exit the cafe. Neither of you had driven this morning, thankfully, so you decide to Uber to the nearest grocery store to get supplies for tonight’s beach barbecue.

You’re turning into the cold aisle where all the meat is cut and packaged when Natasha pulls out her phone and calls Hangman. It’s stupid the way your heart races when you hear his muffled voice, but you can’t help it. You’ve been thinking about this man nonstop for the past fourteen hours and now you’re going to see him tonight. You’ve never really believed in love at first sight, but the memory of those sparkling green eyes is starting to convince you otherwise.

Hours later and after trying on every bathing suit you own, you find yourself walking toward the gazebo on the beach where Nat’s location on your phone is pinging. There’s a fold out table with a portable barbecue on it and half a dozen beach chairs scattered across the sand. There’s also a volleyball net set up, where two very fit men are batting a white ball back and forth.

You’re starting to think that maybe you were doing yourself a disservice by not meeting Nat’s navy friends sooner.

“Hey!” Nat exclaims, yanking two beers out of the ice tub before jogging toward you. “I’m very impressed that you didn’t bail.”

You roll your eyes and try to be discreet about surveying the group for a face you’ll recognise. “Of course I didn’t bail.”

“Come meet everyone.” She links her arm with yours and leans in to whisper in your ear. “Hangman isn’t here yet.”

She points at the two men playing volleyball and tells you that they are Rooster and Payback. Then she pulls you into the gazebo’s shade and introduces you to Coyote, who is manning the barbecue, and Fanboy, who is second in charge. Harvard, Fritz, and Halo are occupying a few of the beach chairs, and apparently there are two more naval aviators on their way. One of which you’ve already met.

Everyone is super nice and incredibly fucking fit. It doesn’t take long for you to relax and enjoy the conversation with Fanboy while Nat argues with Coyote about what ‘medium rare’ looks like.

“Oh, and here’s another one,” Fanboy says, glancing over your shoulder with a grin. “This is Hangman.”

Your heart almost leaps out of your chest when you turn around and come face to face with those gorgeous green eyes.

He smiles, and it’s hot enough to melt your bikini bottoms. “Pictionary, right?”

You can’t help the smile that tugs at your lips. “Yeah, that’s right. Nat tells me you’re actually Bagman?”

He rolls his eyes and turns to your best friend, who is grinning like a maniac. “Jake Seresin, this is my best friend. Have you two met?”

Jake.

He says something to Natasha along the lines of calling her evil, but you’re not listening anymore. You’re too busy drinking him in, and oh my, is that a big drink.

He’s shirtless, wearing only a pair of khaki shorts, and his taut tan skin is making your mouth water. He has to have been sculpted by the gods, that is the only explanation for this man. Your eyes rake across his broad chest, the smattering of hair at his sternum, and down his defined abdominals. You can imagine licking every line, tasting every inch of his skin and following that V with your tongue below the waistband of his shorts.

Natasha nudges your ribs as she walks past, and you only just catch her wink before you look up and find Jake’s eyes on you. He’s smirking, and this time, it’s working. “Phoenix said you wanted to tell me something.”

Oh yeah, he definitely knows you were just checking him out.

You clear your throat. “I- um, I wanted to apologise for being rude last night. I’d had a bad day, but you honestly didn’t do anything wrong. Any other day I’d probably have jumped right into bed with you.”

Your eyes widen and you smack a hand over your mouth, heat crawling into your cheeks as you realise what thoughts you just let slip through your lips. Jake laughs, his smirk morphing into a genuine and breathtaking grin.

“I’m so sorry,” you say quickly. “I have no filter sometimes.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He licks his lips and looks you up and down, like a predator sizing up its prey. “You don’t have anything to apologise for, but considering this is any other day, why don’t you start by telling me your name? Then we can see about jumping into bed.”

You can feel yourself melting faster than a popsicle in the sun. It’s not that you want to be immediately smitten by this ridiculously gorgeous and charming man, but you can’t help it. Ever since last night, you’ve had a weird feeling about him. A feeling that makes you think he’s important to your story, one way or another.

All you can do now is hope that it’s in a good way.

END.