#i'm just saying shit

[gretavanfleetposts]

You know, we all think of Jake as a dom but he's real good at throwing his head back and we don't consider the implications enough. That's a grabbable neck, right there. A kissable jaw. Like he literally always looks like his hands are desperately trying to continue their actions while his mind is numbing over and idk, we should think about that more often

[sprucestairs]

Hypnos wins a bet (and a fight) by being left-handed.

Hi I had this idea after noticing that Hypnos holds his quill in his left hand and I thought, huh. Greek warriors like say, Achilles, probably never fought against left-handed people because it was considered like a curse or whatever to be left-handed. Anyway I then proceeded to do 0 research about this and instead write fanfiction.

Another day of mindlessly signing in the visitors to the house, and sneaking in a couple naps so he could do his actual job.

Sure it was boring, and repetitive, but Hypnos found enjoyment in such things. It was almost calming, in a way. When he wasn't getting yelled at for slacking off, that was. Speaking of which...

"Hypnos."

Ah, shit. Than had that look on his face again. The one that meant he was confident he was going to prove someone wrong. Then he stopped dead in front of him.

"I believe that you could beat Achilles in a fight."

...What?

There was no way. Achilles? ACHILLES? Who was hired specifically to be the head of security for the house and personal trainer for Prince Zagreus? THAT Achilles?

"I also may have already placed a bet that you could." Of course he did. Hypnos kicked him in the leg.

"WHY would you bet that I can beat ANYONE in a fight? Let alone Achilles- he's like- one of the greatest warriors the mortal world has seen!"

"But he was mortal. And shades are notably weaker then their living counterparts." Thanatos countered, decidedly ignored his attempt at kicking him.

"But *I* am a poor fighter. Remember what happened with Sarpedon?" Thanatos just waved him off.

"Please. That was because there were far more people trying to fight us, in the midst of a war. This will be a one-on-one fight in a controlled arena." Hypnos narrowed his eyes at him. Thanatos gave him a shit eating grin.

"I'll help you train for the fight, of course." Of course. There was no way out of this one. His brother had made the contract completely airtight. He sighed.

"Fine. Where?"

"There's plenty of training areas in Elysium. I'll find one somewhere near where you reside." Whatever. He nodded half heartedly and turned back to his endless list as his twin exited with a flash of green light. He was actually excited to sign in the countless deceased mortals who ventured across the river Styx now. Better then getting his ass kicked.

~~~

He went home immediately after his shift ended. Knowing Than, he'd barely have time to get a power nap in before he came clanging in with the sound of funeral bells.

True to character, Hypnos was in fact awoken by a clamour of tolling bells, tearing him away from the realm of Sleep where he had been weaving dreams.

Thanatos either didn't notice his glare, or just didn't care.

"Where do you keep your weapon? I can't see it anywhere." He asked instead. Hypnos rolled his eyes. Why waste his time and energy in crafting a place to put his sword when he can just keep it immaterial until the rare occasion he required it. Stopped it from getting lost, as well. His brother appeared unimpressed by the simple instrument.

"You've seriously never made a more... personalised weapon?"

"No need." He grumbled. "This is plenty personalised. I can wield it well enough."

"C'mon then." Than motioned him towards the exit.

The training area Than had found was pretty close by, to be fair. It also happened to hold an unattended spear.

"From one of those hero shades." His brother explained. "It was dropped when Zagreus and I were fighting some of them. I'll have to return it at some point." Hypnos couldn't help laughing at that.

"YOU stole a hero's weapon? Why?"

"It's not stolen!" Thanatos countered. "I'm just holding on to it until I can find the rightful owner. Besides, Achilles fights with a spear. You've got to know how to beat a spear-wielder."

Okay. Well. The spear was here regardless, and it WOULD be better to train against the weapon that Achilles would be using. The twins started out with simple moves, ones their mother had taught them when they were very young. Hypnos, surprising himself, managed to get into the flow of training quicker than Thanatos.

"Damn thing's like an an amalgam of my regular weapons." Thanatos grumbled. "Can't remember how my next move's supposed to go." They continued on for what felt like forever. Eventually, though, the ever present exhaustion plaguing Hypnos grew too large to ignore and he had to return to his realm. The last thing he saw was his brother, resting at his side while planning further training.

This became something of a routine between the two. For a good few days or nights, or whatever passed for such underneath the earth, they would each attend their separate duties in the house and later meet in the same arena to hone their skills. Hypnos almost managed to forget that this whole thing, all this quality time with his brother, was to help him win a bet.

Almost.

Though of course, eventually the day came when he would have to face Achilles in combat. And of course, most of the House had become aware of it some way or another. And Hermes. Because the messenger God knew just about everything except the future. (That was a job given to one of his own many brothers.)

"Alright there, Hypnos?" Zagreus slung one arm around his shoulders as he spoke, bringing him close to say, in an exaggerated whisper, "remember, his heel is his weak spot." Hypnos's only answer was to roll his eyes. If no one had known about that weak spot, Achilles would've come to the underworld far later.

He found himself... nervous. He often was, the few times anyone had bothered to task him with something important, but this was different. In a way, this fight placed his own honour and status as a God on the line. Even though it was a carefully controlled arena, and mostly recreational, if he lost this fight, he would become known as the god weak enough to be bested by a mortal shade.

Zagreus seemed to realise he wasn't in the mood for jokes, switching to a rambling tale of his latest (and probably vastly exaggerated) attempt at reaching the surface. He was only partly listening, though. He was busy trying to fine tune his plan to best Achilles. He knew he had far less stamina than the other gods, but how did that compare to mortals? One trained as a warrior, at that. Was it possible that Achilles could be faster than him? He just didn't know, and wouldn't until the fighting began in earnest.

Thanatos had tried to reassure him that it was impossible for a mortal to come even halfway to the abilities of gods, but he was a pretty pathetic god. And he wasn't blind, he knew the way his brother fought. He could tell that he'd been holding back when they fought together.

~~~

He stood in the arena proper now, Achilles at the other end. He seemed slightly puzzled by something, though Hypnos couldn't think what it was. Probably the fact that he'd actually shown up to the fight at all. The Champions of Elysium were sitting in the place of honour amongst the crowd of onlookers, the hastily appointed judges of the fight. Glancing around the rest of the crowd, he couldn't spot the King or Queen, nor his own mother. Though he did spot more of his siblings than just Charon and Thanatos, and he tried not to think about the things they would say when he got his teeth knocked out. Also Hermes. Seriously, with the amount of jobs that guy had, how did he find the time to come down to the underworld so often?

The signal was given to start, and Achilles began to stalk towards him, weary of any sudden tricks that the god might pull. But sudden tricks really weren't his thing. He stood his ground, fully aware that his opponent had a longer weapon that he could start using any time.

Rather, he used the shade's approach to study him. He still unconsciously held the habit of favouring one leg, the one that had been fully invulnerable in life. He lacked a shield, gripping a longspear with both hands. And as conditioned in the rules of this fight, he wore no armour upon his clothes. There was not much else Hypnos could learn by standing around like an idiot, so he began to focus on actually fighting the man still moving towards him. He had the shorter weapon, he would have to find a way to get in close.

Something in the shade's eyes seemed to shift, with a barely perceptible change in the atmosphere. The battle had begun. No more standing and thinking, just fighting.

Well, either way it would be over quickly.

Achilles threw caution to the wind in charging, hoping to catch the usually lethargic god off guard. Unfortunately, Hypnos did just about the opposite of what he expected and moved closer, giving himself the advantage with his shorter weapon. Achilles seemed strangely unbalanced in how he countered. Was Hypnos using techniques that he had never seen? No, he was no war-fighting god, that couldn't be it. Maybe it was the way he moved? He knew that gods often moved differently to how the mortals expected, maybe this was such a time.

He was tiring quickly, in spite of the endurance training that his brother had him undertake. The god of sleep simply couldn't stay awake for too long. He just needed to focus, to quickly find a weak spot in the defences of his opponent.

...There.

Achilles' habit of hiding his vulnerable heel made him unbalanced. All Hypnos had to do was strike low, and the great warrior tripped over his own feet. The rules of the fight dictated that the first one to fall to the ground for any reason would be the loser. And so Hypnos, stunned, was announced the winner of the fight.

He quickly found himself in the middle of a crowd of siblings he hadn't seen in decades, Ker even said he'd done well! And she fought with Ares' war band, so she had pretty high standards of what a good fighter looked like.

Achilles just shook his head, apparently in good spirits despite his loss. He congratulated Hypnos on beating him before going to talk to a few other shades. Zagreus thought the whole thing was hilarious, teasing his old mentor about the loss.

Even Hermes had stuck around to chatter at him for a while, and Hypnos found that he actually quite appreciated the energy the Olympian god brought.

After most had left, and Hypnos was once again alone with his closest companions, he recalled the strange way Achilles had seemed unbalanced, asking his brothers about it.

"I knew something like that would happen." Thanatos answered him, cryptically. "It's why I even made that bet."

Belatedly, Hypnos realised that he didn't even know who he had made the bet against. He was about to ask Charon what he thought, but he spoke first.

"Your fighting hand. It's different from most."

Hypnos squinted at his hands suspiciously.

"Seem like pretty normal hands to me"

Charon let loose one of his terrifying laughs.

"Yes, they certainly are. But you choose to hold your sword in your left hand. The warriors of Greece only train with their right."

Hypnos blinked. The warriors of Greece only ever trained to fight with one hand?

"What happens if a warrior was used to using their left hand?"

"Then, they would be turned away or taught to fight with the other hand I assume." Charon answered.

Thanatos had been trying to move slowly away from the conversation, but Hypnos dragged him back.

"You knew the only reason I could win that fight was because Achilles never trained against an opponent who was left-handed." He said, getting right in Than's face. He poked an accusing finger at his brother too, just to really make sure he got the point.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Hypnos." He tried to hide his face so Hypnos couldn't see the way he smiled.

"I made that bet because I knew that your godly strength would be what won you the fight." Hypnos didn't believe a word of it. He tried to yell at his twin, but Thanatos started laughing.

"What's so funny? Cut it out!" He complained, but for some reason he was laughing too.

Charon watched them amusedly, reminded of the times when the twins were young, and would argue about things that didn't matter. Even then, they would forget their arguments for the laughter that came from the ridiculous words they were saying. Truly, the bond that existed between twins, forged by the Fates was unbreakable. Even though they had spent years without speaking to each other, now they could laugh and joke as though none of it had ever happened.

~~~

"YOU WERE HOLDING BACK, THAN!"

"YES, FROM DOING MOVES THAT WOULD WORK WITH A SCYTHE BUT NOT A SPEAR!"

"STOP FIGHTING WITH WEAPONS YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO USE!"

"THEN YOU WOULDN'T KNOW HOW TO FIGHT A SPEAR WIELDER!"

...blood and darkness, they could get loud. Hypnos was now repeatedly smacking Thanatos, who was lain on the floor, with a pillow he'd found from the many scattered around. Charon found that he couldn't quite recall when they had even begun this, lost as he was in his thoughts. Growling, he moved between the pair, both of whom were still laughing, and confiscated the pillow by throwing it into a far off corner.

"Awwww, that one was my favourite." Hypnos complained. He wouldn't put it past his brother to actually have a favourite pillow, but that wasn't the main issue right now.

He playfully swatted at the pair while telling them to get back to their usual duties. Both rolled their eyes in unison. It was kind of unsettling, actually, but Charon would never admit to such outloud.

Eventually, with much playful arguing between the three brothers, Charon did manage to convince Thanatos to leave with him so Hypnos could rest. They could settle whatever argument they'd been having another day, and both he and Charon probably had a lot of work to catch up on.

[classpecting-posts]

Can you elaborate on santa being a lord of doom, that's the classpect ya gave giygas, is the difference here as simple as derse and prospit????

Nah, it's what they do with their power.

Giygas wields it with great destructiveness. He represents the deathly and destructive aspect of Doom.

Santa Claus represents the adherence to rules, regulations and timeliness. He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake. Plus, dude runs a sweatshop.

Both dominate and dominate through their aspect. One with malevolence and one with projected benevolence.

[westgreenzeke]

please let it be friday already i want to post and have it get 2 notes instead of 0

[blueteams]

arber xhekaj would be a beautiful bisexual woman

[aura-acolyte]

Upon further deliberation, Rayquaza has decided that humanity has forfeited its right to protection and must pay for its sins.

[xanderwithanx]

I was at the gay barbershop, and the girls were fawning over the new T Swift album, so I shut my whore mouth. Now was not the time to be a hater; I wanted to be friends with these fun lesbians. I pirouetted the conversation into Ethel Cain, and all was right with the world.

One girl mentioned TikTok, and neither me nor my butch barber partake in the wretched app. They're an Instagram girlie, so I (shamefully) told them I got trapped in Tumblr when I was 16 and haven't yet found the door.

With a wistful look in her eyes, the barber's cute besuited friend told me that Tumblr "used to be so full of porn". "Yes," I said, "I remember the porn." She stopped sweeping up a stranger's hair to say, "No, you don't! That was way before your time!"

Babygirl, you ever have your barber's Swiftie friend accuse you of living pornless existence? She was cool, though. I want to be friends with everyone who's ever been in that room.

[bleedingfromtheclosetdoor]

I don't hear voices, but I do have that mean part of my brain question me so I can respond to it. It's like a weird straw man thing because I grew up trying to prepare to be questioned for what I do. "Why did you draw [x]?" Well I dunno, but thank you for forming a really annoying habit I can't break.

So like, if you ever see me format something like "question/accusation" -> [rant formed from this questioning], and I'm not directly responding to something, 90% of the time it's literally just me responding to an amalgamation of thoughts and odd positions I've witnessed.

[i-am-just-a-skeleton]

call that penis difficult and uncooperative the way it's not hard, you're clearly just doing something wrong here

[bitsbug]

Doesnt it get lonely at the top ….. being my only follower …..

No I got Coin for it

I sit on it, at the top, all alone, and that's ok.

My Coin

[mishkakagehishka]

The stage has like. A blend between a gothic church and a junkyard. There's an altar in the background. The static TVs and the church vibe, like a blend of the classic and modern. Dadaist, almost. Dare i even say, creating beauty and art with unconventional methods. Dare i even say it. Blending of Mika's style with Shu's. It's not like Acanthe where it's Mika's creation for Valkyrie.

It's a Valkyrie song with both their essences.

[d0rky-0utfits]

I feel like I could just shred through my leg right now like stick my nails in it and just shred that shit

[lofthousezzz]

Gravity Man and her wifeguy Star Man who feeds her grapes off the vine while she lives the life of luxury (studying physics)

[grandprix-ao3]

for the game? violent ends; what if Charles had knotted Max that night instead?

like fire and powder

so in my head it was kind of like. yeah they fought and sometimes charles was on top when they were both alphas but part of why he got Bitched was because he let max fuck him Too Often. so in my (authorial? canon?) opinion max wasn't close enough to the bullshit threshold (wherever that line is) where if they had swapped positions that one specific night it would've been Him who wound up the omega instead of charles. so maybe this is a lame answer but methinks if charles had knotted max that night it would've just prolonged the inevitable. like then the next time max knotted him, he would've still ended up an omega

does this even make sense

ultra fic-specific asks

[captainjonnitkessler]

Sometimes I wish we would start calling out the performative radicalism on this site for the poser bullshit it is. "Remember, it's always morally correct to kill a cop!" "Don't forget to firebomb your local government office!" "Wow, it sure would be a shame if these instructions on how to make a molotov cocktail got spread around!"

Okay. But you're not killing cops or firebombing government offices. You are posting on a dying microblogging website to a carefully-curated echo chamber that has radicalized itself into thinking that taking the absolute most extreme position on any subject is praxis but that anyone discussing the most practical way to effect actual change is your sworn enemy. You do not have the street cred OR the activist cred to be talking about killing cops, babe.

[jordieeeee]

If I was Hank in X-men Apocalypse and the school just blew up I'd wanna kill Erik. I'd be pissed. Like, aw man Erik and Charles are still having difficulties in their divorce like yeah you've been at each other's throats fr we get it! But Apocalypse opens a portal to a bomb that Alex hits making the school blow up and you just stand by him?? That's Charles' school and my boy Alex died and you continued to side with the bad guy after that. Erik.. c'mon.