#i'm just nervous of how much post-op pain is going to be temporary and how much i'm actually going to live with for the rest of my life

[threadmonster]

I'm not scared of having surgery and I'm not worried about any post-op pain. I already had this surgery and I'm already in pain and have been for the last decade. I'm scared because I found out the last ten years shouldn't have been full of so much physical pain. I'm scared that I'm going to go through all of this just to continue to be in pain.

Well-meaning people are nice when they show concern but it's always about the post-op pain. The worrying part is much more personal and in regards to pain I'll at least be able to rest. I'm overwhelmed.

[weebsinstash]

Hey I just wanted to pop in and say I hope recovery’s going well and I hope you’re starting to feel a little better <3 Best wishes!!

It's been uhhhhh rough honestly. I was feeling ok for a day or two there but I've now hit the "bruising" phase of the healing process so my leg is incredibly sore and also looks hella gross, I'm talking massive yellow bruises. I have my first post-op check-up tomorrow where they'll change my dressing and everything, but I'm really, extremely nervous because like, an important part of the healing process is that I'm in this cast, but the cast... doesn't even fit properly? The equinus deformity makes my calves really thick, so they had to bump up the size of the boot to fit my calf, but now my foot has way too much room and I'll literally have only my toes flat against the bottom while the rest of my foot is just... off the ground, so it's like. I'm really worried that this entire thing has been for nothing honestly!! Because if the muscle isn't healing in the correct position it's basically going to go right back to what it was before.

So yeah I honestly wish I had never even done this because after Allister having to go to the vet twice and then have surgery it's not a good time financially and now I can't work or stand or even bathe. We didn't even have all the money for rent this month until a few days ago. God knows how we'll pay next month. I'm literally going to either have to get back to work as soon as I can stand or just get a different job altogether because mom tried to take off for temporary disability and that got completely fucked up so we have literally no income right now, none

Being poor ruins everything. You're never allowed to have anything for yourself. You're never allowed to be happy about anything. I thought I could be allowed to have this surgery and finally have at least one normally functioning leg and maybe get to be happy about that for a few minutes and the second I turn around, bills and expenses are everywhere and I have to give every cent I have to help pay for a shitty one bedroom apartment I can't even stand to be inside of

I guess I'm going ok but. Yeah. My life is still shitty and depressing regardless.

Oh also for some reason they sent home a person who just had leg surgery with literally no mobility aids so just getting around my apartment has been an enormous pain in the ass 💀 at least I have a stepstool that reaches my waist and I can lean against it to bear my weight like a walker... literally hopping around on one foot through my second floor apartment... sorry to whoever lives below us...