#i'm insane for making this but hopefully y'all enjoy it

[astonmartingf]

YOU'RE SO REAL FOR THAT! ; F1 GRID

f1 grid x driver!reader . . . gen z f1 driver ranks previous crushes in f1 in a new tiktok video that sends fans in a coma /real

amgf well well well, guess who's back (hopefully) uhm i'm enrolled and officially an intern 😀👍 we love to see that, i made this before hungary i think? but yeah, i have too many drafts and no will to write, i'm blaming the new season in wild rift 😋 and because i've been busy with the internship thingy... a lot of seminars and preparations to do sooooo i hope you enjoy this like always

yourusername uploaded a new video

. . . view 736,937 comments

user73 hello? came running from twt, everyone talking about this

user62 i thought people were making a big deal on twt like usual but this is actual next levels of insane

user32 yn was bored with summer break and decided to break the internet and possibly the team's pr manager

user50 i relate because i too am not immune to blond hair and blued eyed men...

landonorris i think you forgot to message one more driver on the grid...

→ yourusername you're right @/yukitsunoda0511 i had a crush on you before 😌☝️

→ landonorris i meant a british driver on the grid...

→ yourusername alex is already there???

→ landonorris a mclaren driver perhaps.....

→ yourusername oh my gosh you reminded me!!!! i definitely had a really tiny crush on mclaren @/carlossainz 😋🫶

→ yourusername look lando i specifically said in the second slide that if you're not there then i probably hated you, people said you have poor reading comprehension, didn't think it'd be true 🫤

user38 cleared lando fr!!!!!!

user93 no charles leclerc, max verstappen, daniel ricciardo? fraud 🤥

→ user05 wtf not everyone likes them????

→ user17 y'all it's not that deep, this is yn's crush ranking why are y'all projecting////

georgerussell catching strays on a post about you having a crush on alex before????

→ yourusername oh well... i say it the way i see it and i see the way you look at alex 🙄🙏

logansargeant well well well

→ yourusername shut up logan 🙄

→ oscarpiastri no... but this is interesting ✍️ ain't it @/logansargeant?

→ yourusername shut your traps, i didn't give y'all exclusive content for you to run your mouth online

→ user48 honey i fear you're already running your mouth enough 🥹

user72 is no one taking about the mick one???? like??? i'm thinking about their f3 and f2 moments now and i see it

→ user49 OMG!NNN exactly! i get it now, the tension when they're together

jensonbutton reading your message at 2am asking for permission is not something i expected, my question though is... am i p1?

→ yourusername technically you're p-last atm but considering you're my first f1 crush i guess you're p1

→ jensonbutton i see... one rank higher than @/nicorosberg 👍

→ nicorosberg is this what catching strays mean @/yourusername?

→ yourusername yes 😭

dennis_hauger this is not what i said to you, i'm about to sue for defamation

→ yourusername you can't do that, i need a wag to bring for races

→ dennis_hauger i'm racing too?

→ yourusername and?

user85 mr dennis hauger??? did we miss three chapters here?

→ user69 no!!! they've been going at it since the beginning look up the 2022 f2 season

→ user03 there are various compilations in youtube and in yn's youtube channel !!!!

mickshumacher what is this? this is not what you sent me?

→ yourusername is it slander yn day? i'm out here airing my business and y'all say i'm a fraud istg

→ mickshumacher hahahahahaha but i agree with everything you said, i felt the same way

→ yourusername hello? when was this?

→ mickshumacher probably three, four years ago? same year with you, things didn't just work out

→ yourusername dang so you could've been my wag? ngl glad it's not you 😂🫵

→ mickshumacher i agree, who would want to be with you atp

→ yourusername slander and defamation?????

→ mickshumacher well who doesn't have a wag now? exactly, not me

yourusername wow i made this so we could have fun, but now everyone is just making fun of me, might as well delete this before the PR team sees this 😮‍💨

→ user52 noooooo please keep this up

→ user17 this is actually very slayful if you!!! don't ❌❌ let 🫵 the haters 🤡😈💩 stop 🛑✋ you

→ user28 this is actually what we want this summer, i'm begging 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

[formulawolff]

"my hero" - m.v.

pairing: social worker!reader x max verstappen

word count: idek tbh (i’m posting this on my lunch break hehe)

warnings: tooth-rotting fluff, max in bf mode, long distance couple, cursing here and there, mentions of mental health, mentions of mental health disorders, mentions of physical health, yada, yada, yada

a/n: i know i said i was working on requests but this idea would not leave my brain all day. i couldn't stop thinking about it so i had to write it. (it's def a little self-indulgent) i hope y'all enjoy!

"ah! there you are. i can see you now!""

a giggle bubbles up in your throat, your lips forming a wide smile, "hi baby, how are you?"

he shrugs, the image distorted for about a millisecond. he comes into frame once again, slightly pixelated. however, you can make out the sleepy grin plastered across his face, and the twinkle in his eye as he looks into the camera.

max verstappen, three time world driver’s champion, is on facetime with you, donned in nothing but a black cotton tee and his boxers. you can tell from the background that he’s in his motorhome, settled in his room.

his hair is a disheveled mess, sticking up haphazardly. he more than likely just got out of the shower, as the fabric of the tee clung to his toned frame. underneath his eyes were two faint circles, the skin slightly puffy.

yet, here he was, calling you at god knew what hour just to hear the sound of your voice.

"tired. very fucking tired."

"i can imagine so," you nod, typing along at your laptop, "what time is it there?"

he hums, leaning over his phone, "it's about eleven thirty?"

"max!" your eyes widen, "you need to get some sleep. it's qualifying tomorrow!"

"and?" he counters, arching a brow, "i wanted to hear how your day went. from your messages, it seemed like it was quite eventful."

"i'm just wrapping up my notes now," you exhale, your shoulders slumping slightly, "it was a long day."

"i can imagine my baby," he coos, settling underneath the covers, "tell me all about it."

"i can assure you being a case worker is not nearly as riveting as a formula one driver," you snort, shaking your head, "you go first."

"nope," he was not budging, his attention still fixated solely on you, "tell me about your day, and then i'll share about mine. it's only fair."

"well," you wrinkle your nose, glancing over the open document on your laptop screen, "my day started with one of my clients experiencing a small crisis. she was without food so she called me, asking if i could take her to the nearest pantry. while i was with her, another client of mine called asking if i could transport him to his appointment.

i probably could have, but he reached out to me only fifteen minutes before his appointment time. i received my new staffing form today. i have a couple of clients who are in need of housing so i had to make some calls to some local agencies."

"and how did that go?" you can't help but feel heat flourishing into your cheeks at the intrigue laced in his tone, "were you able to make some progress?"

"not really," you inhale sharply, "housing is really difficult to find right now. it's sort of like when your tires are giving out, but you need them to last a few more laps. you have to remain hopeful so that you can keep pushing."

“i like that analogy,” he fights a yawn, but continues regardless, “that’s a good one. i’m going to use that.”

“as long as you credit me,” you muse, clicking your mousepad as you finalize your note, “how was practice today?”

“so-so,” he chirps, “i missed you a lot today. thought about you nearly every second of the practice session. you’re flying out next week, right?”

you nod, shutting your laptop, “yes. i’ll be leaving wednesday evening and catching a late flight. hopefully when i land, there will be this insanely handsome dutch man waiting for me.”

“is that right?” max’s dimples appear, causing your heart to skip a beat, “i’m hoping that my good luck charm arrives safe and sound. i can’t wait to see her.”

“counting down the minutes are we?”

“you have no idea,” carefully, he plucks his phone from his makeshift stand, bringing you closer into the bed with him, “will you stay on till i fall asleep?”

at his request, there’s a tug at your heart. fuck, if only you were with him. then he would have been able to lay on you until he dozed off. his head would have been snuggled into uour collabone, your hands tangled in his hair, playing with it as his chest steadily rose and fell.

if only you were there. if only you were an influencer or a model. if only you could take work with you, dropping everything to fly all over the world. if only you weren’t separated by time zones, where you had to carefully coordinate facetime calls.

if only you weren’t long distance, then maybe you wouldn’t feel like this.

if only.

“hey,” max’s voice is merely a whisper, “are you okay?”

your lower lip trembles, tears welling up, threatening to spill over. there’s a choking sound, as you attempt to suppress a sob.

yet, it was too late. they were streaming down your cheeks now, your hands instinctively shielding your face.

“baby,” max murmurs, “what’s going on?”

“this shit sucks,” you shake your head, the words strained, “i hate that i’m not with you right now. i hate that we’re long distance. i hate that i have to stay here and—“

“but your clients need you,” his tone is delicate, “you’re the one person they can count on when everything else is going to shit. they need you like i need you. i can tell you had a long day baby, but i’m here. i’m here for you, no matter what.”

“i-i love you,” you manage to sputter out, wiping your cheeks, “i love you, max.”

“and i love you more than you’ll ever know,” in the frame, a pillow is held against his chest, “i’m even cuddling this pillow right now pretending that it’s you.”

“i can’t believe you fell in love with some plain girl from the states,” you sigh, resting your head against the couch cushion, “out of everyone in the world, you happened to fall in love with me.”

“you’re not just any girl from the states,” for a moment, you’re shocked at the firmness in his tone, “you’re my girl. it takes someone special to do what you do. you’re my hero baby. i aspire to be as strong as you.”

“i love you,” the corners of your lips curl into a quaint smile, “am i really your hero?”

“of course,” it doesn’t even take him a second to respond, “like i said, you’re the strongest person i know. you inspire me.”

“i can’t wait to see you,” you murmur, taking note of the way his eyes were drooping, “i’ll stay on till you sleep, my love. it seems like you need it.”

“hey,” one eye opens, barely a slit, “i know this shit sucks right now, but we’ll make it. okay? one day you’ll get to come home to me and tell me all about your day rather than calling. it’ll be worth it. i promise.”

“i hope so. i love you, maxie. sleep well, my love. i’ll be there before you know it.”

“try to have a good evening,” you could barely make out the statement, as he was beginning to doze off, “just end the call when i’m asleep. i’ll message you in the morning.”

“i’ll be here,” opening your laptop, you prop it against the screen, “goodnight, maxie.”

“night, night, baby.”

as sleep takes a hold of the dutch driver, you remain on the call, opening youtube. cautiously, you click on one of your favorite videos. it’s a montage of all of max’s wins, starting from the 2016 spanish grand prix.

the video begins to play, the volume carefully adjusted so that it doesn’t wake him.

as your gaze shifts to your phone once again, you can’t help but hear his words ringing in your ears.

one day this would all be worth it.

and one day, max verstappen would be able to be with his hero.

every single day for the rest of his life.

[other-floret-friend]

May as well finally make a pinned post of some sort!

So, uh... hey! I'm Robyn, but I don't mind being referred to by vague terms (mostly because I'm terrible at remembering names.) I've got a Pronouns.page here if you'd like to take a look. Oh, and I was originally @floret-friend. (Sorry about that.) :]

As for this blog; kind of just a place for my insane horny ramblings to get blurted out to hopefully be enjoyed by other lovely netizens. I'll try and maintain a loose theme where possible - kind of flip-flopping between HDG stuff and beeper stuff - but who knows what might overtake me! I don't have a particular schedule or anything, though.

Anyways, I hope to be of use to y'all somehow or another. Please feel free to send asks, anonymous or otherwise! And if you're pleasuring yourselves to my silly ramblings, I'd love to know about it. It's a huge compliment. <3

[neciebee]

2024 Fic Writer End of Year Roundup

Answer and then tag three or more creators to keep the game going!

(If you're in my answers consider yourself tagged if you'd like to play!)

1. How many words did you publish on AO3 in 2024?

17445. I just a baby.

2. How many fics did you complete this year?

6:- 5 one-shots and a drabble

3. How many in progress or ongoing fics did you start this year?

I really only write short one-shots, but two of them deserve a bit of fleshing out in a follow-up or three

4. What was your favorite thing you wrote?

I Need You was the first thing I wrote that has a possible continuation. I was obsessed with the idea of forcing the acceptance of the mating bond, and the subsequent fallout. More to come, hopefully! The muses bit me hard that day. Thank you, @mistandmemories, for popping my sprinting cherry!

Probably not what the question is asking, but I'm also pretty proud of some of the comments I leave on my favourite fics! (FUCK YOU, TESSALANTERN, and 🌈DENIAL SOUP!!!🏳️‍🌈 stand out as my favourites.) It takes a lot to digest so many plotlines and such incredible writing, and the live-reacts help me process the amazing stories that we've been blessed with. These authors put so much into their work, and I enjoy showing my avid appreciation (and horror)! ( @jules-writes-stories and @iftheshoef1tz, yours are coming once I recover from my indigestion and brain rot.)

5. What piece was your most experimental or different from your usual style?

I'm very pleased with my gift for @born-to-riot. It's the sweetest thing I've ever written and it's not even smutty! Not Sorry was probably the furthest deviation from my genre, as I mainly write smutty Sadlube where nobody is happy and the sex starts, continues, or ends in tears. Writing something for someone else took me out of my narrow band and I like it.

6. Did any fics surprise you - either while writing or their reception?

I was pleasantly surprised when commenters were keen for me to continue I Need You and Not Sorry. I did leave a lot more hanging than I normally do. I usually keep a couple of threads floating in the wind to tempt speculation, but I overdid it with those two. It's time I give y'all my LORE!!!

7. Do you have a fic you wrote and loved that went under the radar? (This is your sign to reblog/repost it!)

I Can't if you Won't, but I Will is my only Casriel, though they're both mated to their assigned vipers. It's their mutual substitution pining fuck! I spent ages reading and rereading the High Lord meeting and the subsequent night and morning in order to ensure everything was canon compliant. It first struck me when both Cassian and Azriel disappeared while Mor was getting disappointingly railed by the veritable Sex God of Prythian.

8. Who is an artist that inspired you?

@fourteentrout , @nus4y , @lucychanart , @works-of-heart , @krem-does-stuff , @naariel , @tendermiasma , @elleybug , @chunkypossum , @copypastus , @strykozart , and many more have all created works that I've stared and stared and stared at! For educational purposes.

9. Who is an author that inspired you?

Buckle up, y'all...

@mistandmemories for the pining

@jules-writes-stories for putting everything Azris into one masterpiece

@the-darkestminds for despair

@chunkypossum for getting me and giving us pain

@fieldofdaisiies for carving her words into my heart, @shadowsandlint for LORE, @iftheshoef1tz for luring me here in the first place, @futurehunt for amazing plots, @fourteentrout for an incredible output of sexytimes, @secret-third-thing for being unhinged, @acourtofladydeath for the insane premises, nat-tav for smut, @greenvelvetcouture for incredibly pornographic romance, tessabeth for twists, @pippsmcgee for having her fingers in so many pies and fucking that shit up, finnijer for cliffhangers, @brunetterebel010 for a different take, @ofduskanddreams for making me love AU, flamesandshadows for Lucien love, @ysmtttty for being an absolute flirt, @unanswered-stars for the unanswered letters, @melonsfantasyworld for being a complete slut, Vivienne1412 for her Vanserras, shadowhandss60 for unapologetic filth, @g00seg1rl for hilarity, @witch-and-her-witcher for variety, astarla for romance without a bond, @yanny-77 for the lip ring, mathiwrites for Tamlin, voralisthelittlebat for stalking as a love language, nothinggoingontoday for the benefits, sam_lane for writing the real canon, @crazy-ache for the kitty, @zenkindoflove for Alexius, Clare, and Andras

10. Who is a new author you discovered?

I just got back into ff this year after two decades away. Everything and everyone is new to me and I can't be happier with the comradery between us all! But @buffy-vanserra, @g00seg1rl, @nus4y, and @jolenes-library have been recent additions to my subscribe button.

11. Did you do any collaborations? How did it start?

I haven't collaborated, but I did participate in the gift exchange, which gave me inspiration that I never would have found on my own (thanks @born-to-riot), and allowed me to dump my thirstiest dreams onto my Santa (thanks, @brunetterebel010). I also betaed for the first time (on the very last day of 2024) for @shadowsandlint, who I've been simping over since I first came across her work.

12. What accomplishments are you proudest of?

Hitting the publish button. I am so very shy about sharing the shit that falls out of my brain, but I've been met with only kindness and support instead of judgement and critique.

13. What did you learn about writing or creating this year?

Just get it down. You can edit later. Stop perseverating over the little things.

14. Any advice you’d like to share with new or aspiring writers?

Do it, don't be shy. We promise to be nice about it.

15. What are your creative goals for 2025?

I'd like to continue I Need You and Not Sorry. I'd also like to try writing other characters. The brain worms are wriggling. Ianthe and Tamlin are peeking in.

[mikachacha]

𝙲𝚛𝚞𝚎𝚕 𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚛 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛)

Synopsis: You and Bada are in a situationship. You're both fine with that, at least you thought you're okay with it. The more time you spent with each other, the deeper you fell for her to the point where you couldn't help but think, what if you just straight up tell her that you love her?

(A/N: So yeah.. I'm just writing stories based on songs now 🤦‍♀️ Also, please excuse the grammar and spelling mistakes because English isn't my first language 🥹 Hope y'all enjoyyyyy!)

Warning: cursing, angst (well a bit), drunk shiz.. I think that's all??

🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸

Being in a situationship with Bada is both the greatest thing you've ever done and the worst torture. Bada's the perfect girlfriend one could ask for. Aside from the looks, she's caring, fun and just overall loveable. Seems like a perfect situation, right? Well that's where the problem arose. The more time you spent together, the more you realize that you're falling deeper for her and it sucks. Yeah, you may be sweet with each other, maybe kiss here and there but at the end of the day, she isn't yours. It's just something to pass the time or the boredom of being single. One day when she finds the person she truly wants, you'll be left in the ruins.

"You good? You've been spaced out?" Bada asked as she gently nudged your shoulder. You're just hanging out at the park late at night, enjoying the summer breeze together. You smiled at her and nodded your head, convincing her and mostly convincing yourself that you're okay. That you're all okay with this, which is a big, fat lie.

"Yeah I'm good, just thinking about something." You assured her before leaning your head on her shoulder. She hums and brushes your hair with her fingers before kissing your hair. As much as it pains you, you couldn't help but feel butterflies even at the smallest amount of affection she showers you.

"Are you free tomorrow evening?" she asked and you contemplated a bit if you should say yes or make up an excuse just to distance yourself a bit because you're falling dangerously hard for Bada and it's not good for you.

"Not really.. My friends and I planned to hang out at the bar tomorrow evening." you lied and she pouts a bit before sighing. As much as she wants to tell you to hang out with her instead, she had to remind herself that you're not her girlfriend and you're free to hang out with whoever you want.

"Well that sucks.. If you ever need a ride home since you're way too drunk, just give me a call yeah?" She says and you nodded your head, just snuggling against her side a little bit more. This might be the last time as you planned to distance yourself from Bada. Just enough for you to hopefully lose feelings and go back to the way it used to be. No strings attached.

"Will do.. Anywayssss, let's head back now? I know you need to be early tomorrow." you slowly got up and stretched and Bada couldn't help but wrap her arms around your waist, just holding you close to her. She's slowly coming in to terms that she may be falling for you though she needs to make sure that you feel the same way, too.

The moment you closed your apartment door after she walked you home was the last time you allowed yourself to be with her. As much as you wanted to keep doing whatever you had with her, it was best to let go rather than keep yourself from falling without any assurance that she'll be there to catch you.

"Thank you, Bada.. But I don't think my heart could handle this anymore.." you sighed and headed to bed with your heart heavy. You didn't even bother texting Bada anything before you slept. You were way too lost in your own misery that night.

🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸

Bada hasn't been herself the past few days. She felt like she was going insane because she hasn't seen you or heard from you since that night. It was like you're avoiding her or actively hiding from her. You wouldn't reply to her texts, when she tried to call your phone it was unavailable. It's driving her nuts and her friends are genuinely concerned for her.

"Unnie, what's wrong? We noticed that you're not yourself the past few days.. We're worried about you.." Lusher asked, finally building the courage to ask Bada about what's going on. Their other team members are getting concerned as well. Bada rarely smiled, is always on her phone and would rush out every single day which is not like her at all.

"I don't know, Lusher.. Y/N isn't talking to me anymore. I haven't seen or heard from her for days now. It's like she's avoiding me completely. It hurts.." Bada sighed and just stared at her phone that was on the table, hoping, wishing, praying that you would respond to her messages or even call but nothing happened which made her more upset.

"Heard she's hanging out with some of our old friends from uni days at this newly opened bar tonight. Wanna go so you guys can finally talk?" Tatter asked, having overheard Bada's dilemma. Without any thoughts , Bada immediately agreed. She just wants to see you, talk to you and apologize for whatever she did wrong just so you would talk to her again. She misses you so bad.

When they got there, Bada began looking around in search of you and there you were sitting with friends and drinking. You were never the drinker type but because you wanted to forget the feelings you had for Bada, you agreed to hang out with your old friends from uni. You're willing to do anything just to ease the pain you felt. It wasn't supposed to be this way and you blame yourself for believing yours and Bada's play pretend.

As the night grew deeper, the more you drank and when you felt you've had enough, you stumbled out of the bar to get some fresh air and maybe call a cab not to go home but to hang out at the park where you last hang out with Bada. It became a routine now for you, tipsy or sober, you always find yourself at the park just to cry your sorrows and heartbreak away.

Meanwhile, Bada excused herself to her friends. She saw you get up and get out of the bar so she followed you. She knows that she's coming off as creepy and stalker-like but all she wants is to talk to you and maybe hold you in her arms one last time if you decide to walk out from whatever you had with Bada. She followed the cab that you rode with her motorbike until it stopped at the park where you last hung out with her. She could feel her heart break a little as she watched you stumble out, your soft sniffles can be heard as it was already quiet out. She doesn't even have to look closely to know that you have been crying before you even got out of that cab.

Bada parked her motorbike safely before following you and what she saw broke her even more. You were sitting at the spot where she would usually take you since it has a clear view of the night skies after you once told her that you loved star gazing. You were crying and she sat beside you, pulling you to her chest which startled you a bit and making you cry even more.

"Y/N, what's going on? Please tell me.. I've been so worried about you the past few days. Did I do something wrong?" she asked softly and you tried to calm yourself down, even just a little bit but you couldn't stop the tears from falling down your cheeks.

"Nothing's wrong, Bada. Everything's good, you didn't do anything wrong." you told her and she sighed as she rubbed your back to help you calm down.

"Then why are you avoiding me?" She asked and you took a shaky breath before looking at her in the eyes. It's now or never for you. You're not only torturing yourself but also her at the process and she doesn't deserve it so you muster all the courage you can get to tell her the truth.

"I'm not okay, Bada! I've been lying to myself, I've been lying to you whenever I tell you that I'm okay with whatever we have between us.. But it's not okay! It hurts so much, it hurts so bad so here, I'll tell you the truth.. I don't want to keep secrets just to keep you with me.." you finally bursted and Bada just looked at you in complete shock. She didn't know that you were hurting from the situation and it broke her heart to pieces hearing the truth from you. Before Bada could start talking and apologizing, you stopped her as you continued your outburst.

"I love you, Bada. I'm so damn in love with you and I don't know what the fuck to do with myself or these feelings because there's no assurance that you'll ever feel the same way as me.." you confessed and Bada just pulled you in for a kiss. A kiss filled with all the bottled up feelings she had for you.

"Fuck, Y/N.. I love you too.." She says when both of you pulled away. A smile made its way on your lips hearing those words from her. Maybe it wasn't a cruel summer with her after all.

[gremlinmodetweeker]

Hope is in Buns, Life is in Stars, Promises in Vain

Okay so I'm gonna be honest, the Local Executioner!König is the hardest AU to work on. I don't often because it takes immense effort, but I did make another addition. This is a hella long post, and hopefully you all like it.

I admit, of all my fics this is the one I treasure most. It's a somewhat medieval fantasy, but the world is entirely my own. This is not your average fantasy. This is not DnD fantasy. This has been carefully crafted over years to be its own thing. I have so much about this AU its insane.

In truth, this AU will one day be its own story. I am telling you, this is a fic I want to publish under my own name. When it happens, I'll let you all know. Until then, enjoy the fic I work the hardest on.

EDIT: I exceeded the character limit. Y'all lucky bastards get two parts. As punishment for my mistake, part two goes out tomorrow.

TWs: Executions, death, gore, torture (referenced), period-sexism, threatened homelessness (it's an empty threat, your aunt is just mad)

Wordcount: 7.5 of 11.7k (This is my longest fic to date)

Art from This Post

Long Story Blow the Cut

Hope is in Buns, Life is in Stars, Promises in Vain

 You watched as Luit(1) rose into the night sky, followed by her faithful servant(2). Luit’s bright light cast long blue shadows over the golden brown wheat fields that surrounded the home. Far into the horizon, the Culling Woods crawled in a serpentine fashion through the hills and valleys. You just hoped that the person you were looking for wasn’t home.

You’d made a promise before and you damn well planned to keep it. You repeated this motto over and over as you carefully crawled across the creaking wood floor and gingerly descended the aged winterwood(3) stairs to go into the shadowy kitchen below. You found The Axe’s provisions tucked away in the back corner of the shop shelves, covered in a loose white linen rag. You fished it out and plopped it all into a wicker basket, brushed down your dress of crumbs, and set out into the night.

You thought the night would’ve been bright enough, but you were glad to have brought the family’s old wormglow(5) to light your way as you walked along the road. Shadows danced among the wheat fields as you passed by. Sometimes, a whisper of wind would crawl through the stalks and up the back of your neck. You shivered, pulling your coat around you tighter and hurrying your step, fearful of what might lurk among the treeline. You couldn’t help but feel that the bobbing light might attract more than moths and gnats as you made your way to the Criahlin’s stone. You hoped and prayed that only The Axe would find you there.

You dimmed your light as you made your way into the edges of the forest. You feared that behind each tree there might be a wicked bandit prowling. Worst yet, there might be a drunkard, maybe even a lost man of the village. You worried about their wandering eyes falling on your virgin form in the night. With a shiver, you hurried your step along the dirt path.

The Criahlin’s stone rose up on a mound in the forest. You passed by the swinging remains of long-decayed bodies to make your way up to find the great stone stage cleared of any fallen leaves. You looked around nervously as you made your way to the center of the blood-splattered shale stage. A part of you wondered if The Axe truly was a monster, that maybe he lured you out into the dark against your will. Maybe he’d decided to take you for himself out here under the shadow of the trees. For all you knew, he wasn’t even here, and had set up some vagabonds to descend upon you in the waning light of Luit.

Just as you were about to turn back, you heard a great shuffling coming from behind you.

You whipped around to face down the newcomer. In the shadows of the forest, you could hardly see the being, only making out a great and massive form. He drug something through the leaves, something long and heavy. In the other hand he carried a full and heavy sack of some strange bulging contents. You trembled as the figure drew closer to you, slow step by slow, dragging step. You stepped back quickly, stumbling over your feet as you tried to make space between you and the figure.

The figure stopped when you gasped. Slowly, it raised a big hand and waved at you.

You squinted, then sighed when you realized who it was.

“By Halax, you gave me a fright!” you called out to the figure.

“I’m sorry about that,” The Axe stepped into Luit’s light and threw the great cloth sack over his back with a grunt.

“What do you think you’re doing there, creeping around in the forest like that?” you huffed, “and what’s that in your hands?”

The Axe looked down and raised up the stick to reveal his great black axe. This one didn’t have the engravings you knew of. It looked smaller, too. 

“It was getting late. I figured I might pass the time by chopping some firewood,” The Axe explained and gestured to the full sack on his back, “what about you? What took you so long? I was worried you’d never come.”

You grimaced, “My aunt and uncle didn’t want me to come out and see you,” you explained as you brought the wicker basket to your aproned front, “I brought you a couple of extra rolls as an apology.”

The Axe stepped up onto the stone slab stage and came forth to stand in front of you. He picked out one of the rolls and held it up to see it.

“These are… There’s something different about these ones,” he squinted at the offending bun.

“That one’s a honey nut bun,” you explained, “there’s also a sap bun and that one’s a beetle meat bun. I was probably going to take the beetle meat home with me as a snack for the road.”

The Axe gently lowered the bun down to the basket as he whispered, “You didn’t have to do this. Just getting bread is enough.”

“Well,” you shrugged, “maybe you can tell me how good they are.”

“I don’t know how good of a judge I’d be,” The Axe shook his head, “I’ve never had any special buns like these before.”

You laughed, “What do you mean? Everybody’s had some of these buns! They’re the best in town!”

The Axe looked at you sadly, “Not me. I’ve never had one of these before.”

“Never?” you pushed.

“Never,” he repeated, “I could never justify the price.”

“Are you saying my uncle is unfair in his pricing?” you rose an eyebrow.

The Axe shook his head firmly, “No, not at all,” he put his axe from his shoulder and struck it deep into the soft earth, “I just never had enough coin to buy one.”

“Really?” you blinked in a stupor.

“How could I afford a bun when I can’t afford tinder for my fireplace?” The Axe replied, “I can’t afford such lovely things. I’ve always wanted one of these, but two? I can hardly believe my luck.”

He looked at the basket sadly, “I… I can’t take this. It’s… It’s too much. You’re being too good to me.”

“What?” you frowned and crossed your arms, “of course you can! I’m giving them to you!”

“But I can’t take such nice gifts for free,” The Axe complained, “you’re too kind and generous to waste such precious goods on someone like me.”

“Well, not really,” you admitted meekly, “I mean, I did forget your rations yesterday. Think of this as just something to make up for it.”

“But-”

“No buts!” you cut him off quickly and held up a finger to point at his chest firmly, “look, I brought you the buns because you deserve them. I mean, it’s fair, right? I forgot your rations yesterday, this is to make up for it. And anyways, they were probably not gonna sell. They’re old. I mean, well, maybe they would’ve sold, but who cares. I think you should have them.”

“Not sold?” The Axe tilted his head to the side, “but aren’t these the best buns in the village? Father Kim and judge Holten always tell me so…”

“Sure are,” you grinned briefly before frowning, “and as I said we probably would have, but we made too many again. If you didn’t take them, I’d probably give them to a farmer to feed their animals or something. That, or add them to Father Kim’s offerings. That’s probably how he knows they’re so good, actually.”

“Well, anything you give me is a treasure,” The Axe said softly as he took up the wicker basket. He looked around himself, but seemed to be at a loss.

“Is something wrong?” you asked.

“I thought I brought a bag, but the only one I have is full of firewood now,” he muttered, “I… Hm… Do you think you can wait a bit?”

You looked up at Luit and down at the horizon. You’d been out for a while already, and the thought of being out at night, alone in the Culling Forest, completely at the whims of nature and her crew… You shook your head.

“I really don’t want to be alone out here,” you said, “what do I need to wait for anyways?”

“I need to go back home and get a good bag for these,” The Axe replied, “it’d be a shame to get wood slivers all over these.”

“Why don’t I just go to your place with you?” you offered.

The Axe straightened up above you. His eyes sharpened in Luit’s light, ghastly blue in the pale hues of Densis’s-watch(4). He heaved his axe back up from the dirt and swung it over his shoulder with a dangerous grunt. You withered under his watch as he glared down at your shivering form, cold in the night and weak under his watch. You’d never felt so small before. Had you offended him? Had you maybe insulted his good nature?

You were about to say something when he held up a hand.

“That’s fine with me,” he replied hoarsely, “I just… I haven’t had visitors before. You’d be my first.”

“Your first? Doesn’t anyone visit you?” you asked.

“Not willingly,” The Axe replied, “nobody comes to me unless they absolutely must. Even Father Kim, good a man as he is, he avoids coming out here,” The Axe took a look around at the hanging bodies in the trees, “I can understand why.”

You watched as The Axe ducked into the shadows of the trees , only briefly checking over his shoulder to see if you were actually following behind him.

You trailed behind him quietly, letting him lead you him deeper into the woods.

—

The path creeped along the forest floor until it came to a small wooded grove. In the center, The Axe’s small rustic a-frame wood cabin stood tall among the shrubbery, framed on one side by a small vegetable garden and on the other by a lean-to wood shed. A small idol of Criah(7) had been mounted above his door.

“You know, you’re a lot closer to my place than I thought,” you muttered as you followed behind The Axe to his front door.

“My great grandfather fought for many years to build here,” The Axe said as he whacked his axe into a rotten stump.

“You guys had to fight to build here?” you wondered as you took in the glowing candle lanterns way up strung above you.

“Nobody wanted to live close to us,” The Axe explained bitterly.

He walked up to the door and briefly touched the head of the idol and muttered a silent prayer. Once he had given his thanks, he turned back to you and looked at the wicker basket in your hands.

“You can pass me the rations and I’ll bring them back inside,” he said as he opened his door.

You tried to hide the disappointment in your voice when you asked, “You’re not inviting me in?”

The Axe shook his head and nodded up at the idol, “It’s bad luck for anyone else to come in. I… I don’t know how much I believe in all those stories, but I don’t want to test it tonight. Not with you, at least.”

You looked up at the tree giant’s face, eyes painted like brilliant rubies shining wickedly in the dark.

“I don’t really want to test it out either,” you admitted as you opened your wicker basket for him.

It didn’t take long to pass The Axe his rations and get them into his kitchen. You were once again startled by how little he was actually allotted. He only got a single loaf and a handful of plain rolls. It was practically criminal to give the man so little. Half way through passing over the baked goods, an idea flashed through your mind.

“Alright, that’s the last of the regular rations,” The Axe said as he came to the doorway again, “I just need your ‘apologies’ now.”

You looked down at the mostly empty basket longingly. You went to pass over the bun, then paused. You looked up to him hopefully.

“Actually,” you said slowly, “I was wondering if maybe you’d like to eat a bun together.”

The Axe’s eyes shot wide open. His normally sorrowful eyes were wide and bright with boyish glee.

“You want to eat them with me?” he asked, unable to contain his excitement.

“I mean,” you shrugged and stepped out towards an overturned log, “I can stay out for a bit. I don’t have much to do tomorrow. Might as well enjoy Densis’s-watch, right?”

“Aren’t you worried about sharing a plate with Criah’s son?” The Axe slowly drew out of his dark home to stand in the light.

“Halax watches over me,” you smiled and sat down on the mossy seat, “I think I’ll be safe.”

The Axe followed you before sitting on the earth in front of you. You almost wanted to ask him to take off his hood to see the awe on his face when you fished around your basket for the buns. He looked practically euphoric as you passed him the sticky honey bun, wrapped in a parcel of parchment.

His thick fingers struggled to undo the twine, inhibited by his eager trembling. You almost had to laugh at how excited a man born of death and blood became over a simple honey bun. He looked less like a staggering colossus and more like a young boy shaking with unbound glee. He looked like he was unwrapping presents for the first time. You immediately sobered up on the thought that it was entirely possible that this was his first gift from outside his family. What a horrible, horrible thought.

He carefully held up the bun in his hands to Luit’s light. His blue eyes shine with unspoken delight as he slowly examines the treat in his hands. He looked at you, then back at the treat, then put it down sadly in his lap.

“What’s wrong?” you asked as you crossed your legs beside him.

“I…” he gestured vaguely to his face, “I don’t look very… Pretty.”

You snorted, “So? I look at my uncle every day; whatever you look like is bound to be a million times better.”

He shook his head gravely, “No. I assure you that what’s under here is far worse than you can imagine.”

You uncrossed your legs and leaned your elbows on your knees. Carefully, you turned to look at him properly, “You really think it’s that bad?”

“I know it’s that bad.”

You hummed as you drummed your fingers on your chin.

“You’re really not comfortable eating while I’m here?” you asked sadly.

“I just don’t want to upset you,” he wilted under your scrutiny.

You looked around carefully before your eyes lit up.

“I’m so stupid. Why don’t I just turn around?” you offered brightly.

The Axe glared at you, “How do I know you won’t peek at me? You’re not easy to trust.” 

You shrugged, “I think you’ll just have to trust me on this one. Also, I’ll be honest, you’re not too easy to trust either.”

The Axe’s stare was unwavering.

“I kept my promise before,” you pointed out, “doesn’t that speak for something?”

“It speaks to the fact you snuck out from under your uncle’s nose,” The Axe raised an eyebrow behind his monstrous dark hood.

You gave him a wry grin, “Well, if I didn’t, I would’ve broken my promise with you.”

The Axe shook his head tiredly, “I don’t think a pact with an executioner is worth a rift in your own home.”

“You’d be surprised,” you chirped.

The Axe observed you carefully. His watery eyes scanned you over once or twice before he chuffed, “You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”

“It’s more fun that way, isn’t it?”

The Axe nodded from side to side with a disapproving hum. Instead of arguing, he simply sighed and said, “Well, turn around then. If you think a promise to an executioner is worth that much, then so be it.”

“It’s more than worth it,” you said as you gathered your dress to be able to turn around on the log. You picked through the basket to pull out a bun and pulled it out to take a small bite. You hummed. Even though the buns were a few days old, they were still as fresh as ever. You couldn’t help but wonder once more if your uncle had his oven enchanted. With how good everything that came out of it was, you wouldn’t be surprised.

You were brought back to reality by a small whimper behind you. You instinctively went to turn but caught yourself at the last second. The whimper came from behind again.

“Is everything okay?” you asked quietly.

You heard a thick swallow.

“It’s…” The Axe paused briefly, “it’s so sweet. I’ve never had something like this before.”

Your hands dropped to your lap.

“You’ve really never had a honey bun before.”

His hood shuffled softly as he shook his head, “No. I’ve only had honey five times in my life.”

“Five times?” you parroted weakly.

“Five,” he replied, “twice as a boy I had a spoonful of honey, once at my mother’s funeral I drank tea, once at my father’s I had honey mead, and now today I’ve had a honey bun for the first time.”

You could hardly imagine being deprived of such a basic luxury as honey. Not a single lick of the amber to cross your lips for years. How many years? You were about to try and figure it out when you realized a glaring issue in your data.

“Just how old are you, Axe?” you asked.

“I’m coming on twenty-two cycles(8) now,” he told you quietly.

“I’m coming into my twentieth,” you replied, “I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have honey with my herbs(9)”

You heard The Axe shuffle awkwardly beside you before letting out a long sigh through his nose. You could hear his hood shuffle again.

“You haven’t turned to look at me,” he whispered.

You looked up at the treeline encircling you both.

“I don’t really have need to,” you said as you admired the branches waving in the crisp wind, “I have so much to look at here.”

“What trees, boulders and orange blots(10)? You can’t be telling me that you find anything interesting over there,” The Axe teased you lightly.

“Well, I’ve never seen an executioner’s home before,” you explained as you looked at the lanterns wound through the trees before sloping over to the front of The Axe’s slanted roof, glinting like the stars themselves came down to grace you, “I don’t know if I’ll ever get another chance.”

You took another bite of the beetle meat bun. The meat was stringy, gamey, rich with fat that pooled into your mouth. A delectable treat for a simple baker’s niece, but not much for anyone else. It was strange to think that even this simple pleasure was beyond The Axe’s means.

The Axe took another bite of his bun, savoring each and every bit of the sweet treat. You listened to him turn again. He was silent for a moment. You wondered what a man like him could be thinking of, but he was quick to tell you himself.

“It doesn’t have to be the last time you come here,” his voice was nearly lost in the wind whispering through the trees.

The statement sat heavily between you both. The weight of his words hung on your shoulders, dragging them down to the leaf-covered dirt around you. The wind picked up briefly, sending waves of shimmering grass flowing through the clearing before it settled again. The metal lanterns clinked lightly above. In the distance, you could hear a spirit spook(12) chiming delicately in the breeze. It figured a man like him would need one by his home. You could only imagine how many had come to curse his name.

You looked up at the glittering stars above, winking at you from their place in the blackened sky. They seemed to stare down at you, interested in what your next move would be. A follower of Halax, a follower of life and creation, being welcomed in by a follower of Criah, a follower of death and grief. The gods surely must have been entertained by the show put on for them that night. To see two mortals sitting there, struggling against their fates like they had any chance to slow the weaving of the tapestry, as though their little fingers could undo the binding that had been formed long before they breathed life into their lungs; surely, there couldn’t be a more entertaining act under the cover of Densis’s(11) cloak.

“It doesn’t.”

You heard yourself more than you spoke. It was surreal to hear those two simple words pass your lips, and yet they hammered your souls together inseparably.

“It doesn’t,” The Axe repeated with a hint of excitement, “you could come again. We could do things together.”

“What sorts of things would a baker and an executioner do together?” you laughed sorrowfully. 

The Axe was quiet for a moment, then said, “We could talk to each other.”

“About what?” you asked.

“About whatever we liked,” he offered, “without the fear of others hearing.”

You watched the stars twinkle overhead approvingly.

“It would be nice to be free,” you replied.

“It would be,” The Axe replied, “we could say whatever we liked. We could honestly be ourselves. Nobody could tell us what we could and couldn’t say to each other. Nobody would stop us from being true to ourselves.”

You took another bite of the bun and let a drop of grease dribble down your chin.

“If nothing else…” The Axe said carefully, “it would be nice to have company.”

You nodded solemnly. The forest around you dimmed its nocturnal din to listen to you two lost souls pontificate together, pondering the possibilities of what could be. What would be, if only you let it.

“When would we meet though?” you asked, “and how could we meet? You know people in the village will start asking questions.”

“The cover of Luit’s light does wonders,” The Axe mused, “but I need to sleep. I can’t stay up late like this often. Neither can you. Your work is more steady than mine. I can… We can… You go to the local church, ja?”

You nodded slowly, “I go. I go often, actually. I need to deliver goods to the church regularly.”

“Then why not meet there?” The Axe offered, “under the watch of Father Kim. Who could possibly stop you from devoting yourself to the church?”

You smiled at the thought of meeting a follower of Criah in Halax’s home.

“Would you be welcome there?” you asked.

“Father Kim is a good friend,” The Axe replied eagerly, “he would be willing to find us a place where we can be apart from others.”

“Are you even allowed on church grounds?” you asked warily.

“I am,” The Axe sniffed, “any follower of any god is welcome in a holy sanctuary. I do not need to be devoted to Halax to be invited into her house.”

You shook your head bitterly.

“You’re barely given a seat at the tavern,” you said sternly, “how can Father Kim possibly allow you on hallowed grounds? Surely you’ve been banned? I know from talking to others that people like you are never wed in the church.”

The Axe sighed heavily.

“I am not allowed to wed there, yes, but there is a pew for me in there,” he said, “you don’t see it because I’m in the room below with the other forgotten people of the village. I am able to listen through the grate beneath Father Kim’s feet.”

“There’s a grate at his feet!?” you nearly turned around again to stare at him.

“Eyes forward,” he warned you before softening his tone, “yes, there’s a grate. There’s only a few pews in the basement, but we’re joined by the Sisters of Halax when we go. Maybe, if we go to church together, I can show you.”

You fiddled with your thumbs in your lap, the last of the bun now gone.

“It sounds interesting,” you admitted thoughtfully, “and you’ve been a good man to me so far. You’ve not done anything to hurt me. Actually, you’ve been nothing but good to me. You even protected me from any curses. You could’ve let me into your home, but you were kind enough to stop me.”

“I would never hurt an innocent person,” The Axe said swiftly.

You frowned at that. The Axe surely couldn’t be so simple, could he? The way he phrased ‘innocent’ had your hackles raised in your seat. Why would he specifically use that term? Was he truly a creature of the court? He couldn’t be so naive as to think that the justice system was completely without fault. No man could be that foolish, particularly not one so close to the action.

“Are you sure about that?” you asked warily, “haven’t you considered that an innocent man has been on your chopping block before?”

You heard the hood shuffle quickly behind you. It almost sounded as though he was shaking his head.

“I only execute the guilty,” The Axe said firmly, “Judge Holten only sends guilty men to stand or kneel before me. He is a good judge, and a better man. He may not like me, but I have faith in him and his abilities. He hasn’t let me down once before. I think you’ll find he has a faultless record. I like to think that he’s been blessed by the gods with insight and honor. So no, I am sure of what I said. Judge Holten would never send an innocent man my way. I have full faith in his convictions.”

You squirmed in your seat slightly, but said nothing to counter him. Something told you to try and contradict him would lead to a full blown argument. No man ever spoke so surely unless he lived and died by those very words. A part of you had the feeling that The Axe needed to live by those words. If he didn’t… You shuddered at the thought of what sort of man he would be.

“I assure you,” The Axe said to you gently, “I would never harm you. Again, I would never harm an innocent citizen. I am not a good man, but I am a just man. I am an honest man at heart. I wouldn’t harm a hair on your head if I could help it.

“Unless, of course, you were to commit some egregious crime of some sort,” his tone softened to a morose whisper, “please… Please tell me you won’t don’t do anything of that sort. I… I don’t know if I could live with putting a rope around the neck of the first person to treat me with kindness willingly. I don’t know what I’d do with myself.”

You reached back behind you and brushed your palm against his back soothingly. You tried to push the cold chill crawling over your skin down, blame it on the cool wind and the black sky, not on the words of a man who believed that justice could do no wrong. You didn’t want to think about his words, but you figured you might as well try and placate him.

“I assure you I have no plans to do so,” your face split into an uncomfortable smile, “but… Even though I’ve been kind to you, you would still execute me? Even though I’m the first to actually try and get to know you? The first to really try and be your friend?”

The Axe sighed, “I promise you that I would ensure your end would be quick and painless. Even if I was ordered to nip you with the tongs or screw your thumbs, I wouldn’t dare do that to you. I would never do that to someone I care about like you. I may not have known you for long, but what you’ve done for me in these past two days is more than anyone else in my entire life.

“I would not draw out your death for the court even if they begged me. I would ensure that you would go quickly,  honorably.”

“Then you’d take me out with that big axe of yours?” you asked.

“I’d ensure it,” The Axe promised, “I don’t know if you’re aware, I assume there’s rumours in the village but I might as well settle them here and now. Many generations ago, that axe was enchanted to be sharper, to cut more easily. It’s designed to cut through flesh, not wood. It was made to kill, not to maim like my firewood axe. I use my good axe to give quick deaths. Most people want to go by the sword, but I assure you that the axe is much better.”

“You don’t always give quick deaths?” you asked nervously.

“Sometimes I can’t,” The Axe shuffled awkwardly, “sometimes the court orders me to draw it out. Sometimes by using a duller blade like my firewood axe or the rusted sword, sometimes through a drawn out death, like the wheel or being stretched.

“I… I don’t like to hurt anyone. Guilty or not, I don’t care. I just want to ensure it’s done as quickly and easily as possible. I don’t like drawn out deaths, even if they’re asked for. I assure you I don’t. But if I don’t do it, somebody worse would. You understand that, right? At least if I do it I ensure that they suffer less than they could have by somebody else’s hands. 

“In my guild, you know, my career guild, I speak to executioners across the land. I’ve learned what those men are like, both from my own experience and through my own poor father. I witnessed these men and I can tell you that they can be vile. I hate to be among some of them. Many are like me, but some are…” The Axe bristled under your touch, “they are sick. Sick and rotten men. If there is one group of guilty men that walk free, it would eb them. I pray you never are unfortunate enough to meet such men in your life. You’d be blessed not to. Or, maybe, maybe I was cursed to meet them. That seems a bit more sensible.”

You closed your eyes and let out a slow breath. Of course The Axe would be honest. He was the hand of justice, he had to be righteous and true. He was expected to uphold the image of the court, even when being spat upon by the families of the deceased after lopping off their loved one’s heads. You’d seen him be slapped by old widows of hideous criminals, seen men try to strangle him over their wives’ bodies. He took all these beatings calmly, stoically, like the perfect picture of the court. He’d let them hit him and curse him until they went to far, and then he’d throw them back to the earth and let them scurry on their way. You could only imagine how their hatred was burned into the very essence of his being.

And yet, The Axe took it all without a single stumble. He uttered no more than a grunt when a man tried to stab his gut. He only tossed the blade aside and thrown the man down, then lowered his axe above his chest. You’d seen the man falter, look up at those impartial eyes and realize what he’d nearly done. If anything, The Axe could be an entirely merciful face of the court.. He was the perfect executioner. If nothing else, that much was about the only good thing regularly said about him in the village. He was the perfect face of the court’s axe. Impervious to suffering, yet compassionate enough to let them take out their rage on him.

But, at the end of it all, he was the source of their rage. Sometimes, sometimes it was for terrible reasons. Terrible, terrible reasons indeed.

“You torture too,” you whispered as softly as the wind blew through the long dead grass.

“I must,” The Axe replied swiflty.

“Do you…” you shuddered at the question, “you don’t like doing it, do you? You said you don’t, but, what do you think when you do it? How do you feel about it?”

The Axe shivered under your hand ferociously.

“I hate doing it,” he admitted bluntly, “were I born any other man I could bring love and joy into this world the likes of which could change the very soil we are born from. I can try to be this force when I help heal wounds of the injured and maimed, but there’s only so much I can do. I was born of death and I am shackled to it forever,” The Axe sniffled slightly, “but if given a chance, I would throw down this axe in an instant and I’d heal the unfortunate for the rest of my life. I’d devote to my father’s studies, learn the herbs of this land and save the wretched from the hands of the grave. I would be good. I would be pure, of heart and soul and mind alike.”

You frowned, “You heal wounds? You’re joking. You’re an executioner; you’re a killer, not a healer. You can’t really be trying to tell em that you are a healer.”

“When the apothecary and the doctor cannot set broken bones or suture wounds, they call upon me,” The Axe explained, “I have… I have a great deal of experience in mending great wounds.”

“Wounds you inflict?” you asked, unable to hide the sharp cold edge to your words.

The Axe flinched as you drew your hand into your lap.’

“Forgive me,” he whispered, “but it is not my choice to be this man. As I said, were I anything other than this, was I born of any other man, I could sow the earth with good seed and save the damned. I sometimes think that if I had another chance, I would’ve been like Father Kim and given my body to one of the gods. I think that I was always destined to follow Criah, but maybe I could’ve helped those families grieve. I could’ve cured the sick of their afflictions, I could’ve been good.”

You took in a deep breath, holding it in for a count of four before letting it all out slowly. He was an executioner, he was a torturer, and he was a medic? On top of it all, he had dreams of being a holy man, though no church would ever welcome him into their arms. No man like him could ever be forgiven. And so, to reconcile these parts was to find beauty in dung, but you tried to do so regardless. You supposed he was also known as one of the chief morticians of the town as well. You’d heard plenty of stories of how he’d been whipped by widows in the middle of funeral ceremonies. Sometimes, he was supposed to be burned for as many crimes as the victim had committed. You could only imagine how many scars covered his body by this point in his life. Supposedly, to maim the man who’d been ordered to kill your loved ones was to give some sense of grievance to the family. It was meant to help them heal from the loss. You only hoped that Criah approved.

“It’s not your choice to do it,” you admitted, “I don’t think any sane person would choose to live your life.”

“As I said before, some do,” The Axe interjected harshly, “and it’s those men that I despise.”

You shuddered at the thought. A large hand settled to warm your shoulder.

“I am not one of those men,” he assured you, “and I never will be. You have my word on that. Not just as a man, but as the axe of the court. I swear to you I am not, never have been, and never will be that sort of man. I am a monster, but I’m a monster of men’s making. I was not born of corrupted flesh.”

“And I have your word as the axe of the court?” you asked shakily.

“My word and my heart,” he replied gravely.

You sighed, ever so slightly relaxing. It figured this conversation would come eventually between the both of you, but to be able to have his word so gravely was a comfort, at the very least. However…

“I want your soul in your promise too(13),” you said quietly.

The silence that came forth was sharp and twisted your insides with a rusted blade. He seemed to meditate on your words as they whispered around you, echoed back by the trees and the calls of nocturnal songbirds. The forest floor creeped and crawled with detrivores, with his kin. You watched as a centipede crawled out from a decaying leaf, curled around slowly before descending back underneath the leaf litter below. How you wished to join those small creatures. A part of you wished to die there, to not have to live in the silence that followed your ask.

You felt tension rising in the air. Pressure collapsed inwards, you saw the candle-lit lanterns flicker above with some unseen, unfelt force. No wind blustered, no frog croaked. All was still to listen to this deathly child’s answer.

“My soul is yours,” The Axe finally said, “I swear upon my soul that I am not a man who enjoys torturing and maiming like a lowly animal. I am a man of Criah. I swear to honor the dead and dying until I too join their ranks. I will not enjoy taking even the most heinous criminals to their graves. That is not the sort of oath I’ve made to my god. No matter what, no matter who or what they are, I promise that I never take delight in harming another soul.

“I should like to help them, if possible. One day, I would like to put down this axe once and for all. I’d like to spread peace and life. I wish to be a doctor, or maybe a cleric of the church. I know that such a wretch as myself is not welcome, but if given a chance I would like to save others that have been damned from birth like myself. I truly wish to break these bone shackles that chain me to the grave. I wish to rise above and see life prosper. I…” he hiccupped under his breath, “I wish to be good. I want to be a good man. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore. I hate this life I live, but there’s nothing I can do to escape it. Nobody will train an executioner’s son. I was damned from birth, but if just given a chance…”

You smiled faintly.

“Is your hood in place?” you asked.

“I finished the bun a while back,” The Axe said, “it’s in place. Why?”

Without another word you turned and hugged the giant man with both arms. He stiffened at the touch, but soon his ice melted and he embraced you back.

When you pulled away, you could see a shine of tears in his eyes.

“Nobody has ever listened to me before,” he said quietly.

“I think more people should,” you replied, “you’ve a reputation as an honest man. You’ve been nothing but good to me, and never have you given me a reason to think you’re lying. I may not know you well, but Axe, I want to. I want to see the good man you can be.”

“I want to know you too,” his voice warbled behind his hood.

“Then we’ll know each other,” you promised him, “and we’ll be friends. We will be better together.”

“But how?” The Axe asked sadly, “when will we next meet? How can we next meet?”

You thought carefully. Your fingers drummed a steady pattern on your thigh as you straddled the large log. You kicked your dangling feet before pulling yourself to sit beside him properly.

“I think we can meet at the church,” you replied, “I can say that I’m seeing Father Kim and visit you as well. I still need to see Father Kim, of course, but maybe I could make time for you too.”

“But when?” The Axe asked mournfully, “now that I know another’s touch, I can’t bear to be apart from you for long.”

“We won’t be,” you assured him as you soothingly touched his arm, “I have to bring in the weekly rations on the first of every god-watch. I do so halfway during the eighth watch every wake.”

“Halfway through the eighth watch on Halaxwake?” The Axe asked you desperately, drowning in possibilities.

“Halfway through the eighth watch on Halaxwake,” you confirmed, soothing him with your soft smile.

The Axe scanned through his mental list, you could see his eyes searching side to side as he sat scouring his mind for any possible conflicts, but soon he turned to you with a mirthful crinkle in his eyes, “I think I can manage that.”

“It might not be very long, but I promise you I’ll make it worthwhile,” you assured him.

The Axe shook his head, “Don’t be sorry. Any time with you is a breath of life after drowning alone for so long.”

You frowned and held his hand tightly.

“I don’t want to go back,” you admitted, “I wish I could stay here with you.”

“But you must,” The Axe told you, “if you stayed, it would be a worse fate for both of us.”

“I think my Auntie might drop dead of shock if she knew I was here with you of all people,” you chuckled, then glanced at Luit falling down into the horizon, taking with her Densis’s cloak of stars, “I need to get back soon.”

“How soon?” The Axe asked.

“As soon as I can,” you admitted.

The Axe looked around briefly, then stood and urged for you to follow him. He brought you out back behind his home to a small ramshackle stable.

He clucked his tongue, and a soft chittering noise came from within the singular stall.

“Meet Hunter,” he said gently as he opened the stall door for you, “she’s my riding beetle.”

You looked in the stall to find a massive beetle. She stood on six tall spindly legs and stared down at you from atop an even longer neck. Her sharp mandibles clicked as she slowly woke and stared down at her new visitor.

“You have a riding beetle?” you wondered aloud, “I thought those were a luxury! Or, well, that’s what my uncle says whenever I tell him to get one.”

“When I had to travel to other towns for work I put in a request to the council,” The Axe explained, “I expected a rejection letter, but a pigeon told me I’d be getting a beetle. She’s young, I had to tame her myself and she was quite the handful, but they gave me a surprisingly fine beetle in the end.”

“She looks like a stalking beetle(14),” you looked up at her, her little black head at least ten feet above yours while bent.

“She’s part stalking beetle, yes,” The Axe said, “but she’s also part station beetle(15).”

“How’d they get that mix? Wouldn’t they eat each other!?”

“I wouldn’t know, I’m no beetle breeder, but Hunter’s been a good friend to me through the years,” The Axe said as he saddled her up, “now come on, we don’t have much time before the first collection-vigil(16).”

You hissed at the reminder and grabbed The Axe’s hand to help haul you up onto the beetle’s back. You scrambled and slipped across the smooth carapace but soon managed to sit yourself in front of the large man.

“Not used to riding beetles?” The Axe asked as he set off towards the mill.

“My uncle refuses to get one,” you explained, “I want one to pull a cart to town though. Walking can take so long sometimes.”

“Well, Hunter could do that,” The Axe mused, “but she might be fussy about it. I also think using a court-approved beetle to draw a simple wagon wouldn’t go unnoticed either. I can only imagine the outrage when you show up with my beetle pulling your wagon.”

“Well,” you sighed as you settled your back against The Axe’s chest, “a girl can dream.”

The Axe chuckled, “That she certainly can.”

Luit - The Moon, often called the Older Sister

Lui - a small asteroid orbiting Luit, often referred to as the Younger Sister or Luit’s Servant

Winterwood - A species of deciduous tree that grows in the north. Known to be quite a soft wood, it grows quickly and is often used for furnishings of a home. Its cheapness adds to its versatility. Earned the name ‘winterwood’ for how pale the wood is (almost resembling the snow) and how it begins growing in winter.

Densis’s Watch - The way of saying night/night time. Opposite of Brak-hah’s-watch, which means day/daylight

Wormglow - In older times a brilliant worm(6) was strapped to a stick or put in a glass cage and used to light the night. These days, most people use an enchanted piece of metal on the top of a stick or in a glass lantern to be able to see in the dark. Most people fashion the metal to resemble a brilliant worm, partially to stay true to the origins but mostly to enhance the glow. 

Brilliant Worms - A twelve centimeter long caterpillar that grows a brilliant yellowish-green colour when they are feeding or communicating to other brilliant worms. In older times, they were captured and starved during the day to be fed at night. Over time, the practice was considered cruel, and by this time it has been phased out almost completely

Criah - God of death, grief, hope and forgiveness. Also known as the Weeping Father or the the Howling God.

Cycle - A year. One cycle consists of four turning times (seasons). Each turning time is broken up into two moons (months). Every moon has five god-watches (weeks) composed of ten wakes (days) broken into 10 watches (hours).

Herbs - Another way of saying tea in this world

Orange Blots - A large orange and black-speckled squash with a notably soft and delicate white flesh. Used for soups or deserts, much like a pumpkin.

Densis - Goddess of night and dreams, wife of Criah

Spirit Spook - Sounds like a wind chime. Used as a way to ward off evil spirits from the lower realm and keep away bad luck. Has varying results.

Soul - Soul is the reason that things be. The reason rocks atomically are structured as rocks, the reason lightning crosses the sky and lands in one spot on the earth, the reason men laugh and dance and sing. Soul is most powerful in living beings (though everything in existence has soul), but even then some life has more soul than others. Mammalian species like dwarves, gnomes, elves and humans, for example, have much weaker soul than that of plantkin and much weaker mushroom folk. However, they have stronger soul than the chiton clan (insect folk). In this context, to swear a promise upon your soul is to bind your very being to the promise. Some mages will go so far as to enchant their words to keep these promises, but most cannot do so, and thus just say it to convey the most important promises.

Stalking Beetle - A black and red beetle (sometimes white, black and red or white and black) with a long, long neck and a pointed snout. Looks somewhat like a giraffe weevil with a more articulated neck (think like a snake). Excellent hunters. Are very dangerous in combat because of their long necks, sharp mandibles and good eyes. Can fly short distances, but not commonly. Very spritely and difficult to train for their energetic nature. Used by members of the court or light infantry. Known to be expensive to keep. Thankfully, Hunter is more herbivorous than most due to her cross-breeding  and is thus cheaper to feed. Naturally carnivorous, trained to be omnivorous in captivity. 

Station Beetle - A pretty drab looking beetle, usually brown or black (rarely albino white). They are slow but steady beetles that make up a good portion of riding beetles. There are a few subspecies, but most look like either big dung beetles or flour beetles. Usually very good natured. Has poor eyesight but excellent smell and can be trained to follow scents from town to town. Can fly medium distances when provoked. Often used by countrymen to travel from town to town, almost like small cars. Though called station beetles, typically are only for transporting a family and not for hauling carts or stations. Mostly herbivorous. 

Konig Dump

Alternate Universes

Part Two

[stop-talking]

So I guess I should do an intro post / fanfic masterlist

Hi.

• I'm 20 yrs old, she/her, and obsessed with Josh Hutcherson. (Mike & Futturman especially have my heart)

• I'm new to writing, but I read like crazy and spend 90% of my time daydreaming up little stories about my favorite characters. Just using Tumblr as an outlet to get those little stories to the world.

• Feel free to request any fanfic related to a jhutch character. I'm most comfortable writing for Mike, Futturman, and Derek, but I'm willing to try to write for other characters. (Minus Peeta. Thinking about the Hunger Games makes me unreasonably sad & I'm not sure I know his character well enough to do him justice.)

My Works

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──

✩ Mike Schmidt:

You're his ex, but he's desperate for a babysitter. (18+)

Exactly what it sounds like. His babysitter goes missing, but he can't leave Abby home alone. Unfortunately, he's broke as fuck, and can't afford to pay someone to watch her. So... he calls you. He'll endure your bitchy attitude and relentless teasing if it means his sister will be safe. Somewhere along the way, endure turns to enjoy.

Fem reader; 10k words (total)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

No Abby, we're not getting ice cream.

Silly little one-off about the average shopping trip for Mike and Abby. He's just trying to get things for dinner, but Abby has other plans. Just Mike being the single mother that he is.

Mike's POV; 1.2k words

Read here

Open wide (18+)

Mike hasn't been to the dentist since he was a kid, but with his new job, and health insurance... he really has no excuse not to. One problem, though. He doesn't remember the experience being so... erotic? Is he insane, or is the attractive, young, dental assistant... hitting on him?

Gender-neutral reader; 2.8k words

Read here

Sleepless Nights

Abby is sure something's up with her brother. He's always been tired, sure, but ever since the events at Freddy's... well, he's gotten a lot worse. The stubborn man won't let her help, so she convinces him she's the one in need of comfort.

Abby's POV; 500 words

Read here

Gender-neutral reader; 2.8k words

✩ Derek Danforth:

So I'm stuck on this shithole island, and I can't even have a smoke? (18+)

You're hired by his mother as a last resort to try and get him sober. Alone with just him for three weeks, your job is to rehabilitate him.

Unfortunately, Derek sees you as his personal chef, maid, and whore. You flat-out refuse at first, but well, after so many days of only interacting with each other... The lines are a little blurred. something-to-lovers. It's complicated.

Fem reader; 22.9k words total (so far)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 (Part 8 coming soon)

Derek sending you nudes while you're at work (blurb) (18+)

Read here

Older; not Wiser (18+)

Derek isn't the type to entertain 20-year-olds. Really, he's not. That is, until one falls right into his lap. Literally.

You're just so sweet and fun, how could he ever dream of saying no when you ask him to show you a good time?

Part 1 (Part 2 coming soon)

fem reader; 2.5k words

✩ Josh Futturman:

Win for me ♡ (18+)

You're tired of your boyfriend paying more attention to his stupid game than you. So, late one night, you take matters into your own hands. Literally. Hopefully his little gaming buddies don't mind hearing him moan into the mic...

Gender-neutral reader; 2.3k words

Read here

✩ Clapton Davis

Saturday School

(Request) "Imagine listening to music with Clapton while in detention... like sharing earbuds with him while y'all sit in silence. Then a cringe song comes on at the wrong time LMAO"

Gender-neutral reader; 2k words

Read here

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──

[iilmunchkiin]

Life Update

Hey so I know y'all like my art and all but college is creeping up on me so I might start posting less

I appreciate all the comments dearly, I really do, thank you so much for being so interested in my artworks and supporting me, but for now I really gotta take a break..

I might start going in a half-hiatus?? kind of state, where I'll be online but, not as active as I usually do...

This might change in the future, hopefully it does because I genuinely enjoy making silly art. This post is also going to be like some kind of time capsule to remind myself of SHIT I NEED TO DO.

I'm just filled with so much uncertainty at the moment...

If you read this all the way, thank you. (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

(More yapping + potential art/concepts I plan to make underneath the cut)

(I repeat, some of these aren't final, just concepts)

Redesigning the entire undertale red and yellow cast into my style ( + the human souls )

Make a fuckign reference sheet for my persona

3 UTY AUs I plan to make

1st AU (Gameshow!AU) : Clover is aware of resets and they work along side Flowey with each other their own seperate goals (Clover - for the 5 missing children, Flowey - you already know), both of them treat the monsters and life itself as a video game and see everyone as nothing else but an NPC that exists in the game of life, however, deep down Clover genuinely cares and gets attached to everyone and their stories, but for the other's sake they have to pretend, pretend they don't care, pretend they're dismissive of everyone, and pretend to be the villain they claim they are. If they don't, Flowey will catch up and notice something's wrong so Clover just plays along as Flowey pulls on their strings and keep up the facade.

2nd AU (Insanity!AU) : Everyone's Insane, it's basically like the rot comic except Clover is actually alive this time and they witness everyone just spiraling into madness. They're just so sucked up and so mentally fucked it, it feeds my delulu brain. (Example: Starlo losing his identity and not knowing who he is anymore because of how much he pretended to be someone he wasn't) (it's giving horrortale without the cannibalism lol)

3rd AU (Sci-Fi!AU) : basically everyone is like working in a company like uhm.. Mission Impossible type style or smth... like... they gotta save clover from Flowey's antics or smth idk man I'm cringe asf. The fiesty 4 is ganna be there along with Decibat and Penilla, Ceroba is going to be like the main focus since she's the one doing the planning and all. (Everyone is going to be in uniform and everything omg theyre so cool)

Some actual domestic and cute fluffy art because god damn I make so much sad shit HAHAHA (Examples: Beach Barbeque party, laundry day, grocery/clothes shopping in the surface)

More animations/animatics

Other things that aren't related to uty

As for the rot comic series I kinda(?) made in the r/UndertaleYellow sub, posts will get slower. I already mentioned it on reddit but I'll just copypaste what I said here.

If you want my reddit acc uhhhhh here lol (Also speaking of reddit holy SHIT I GOT AN AWARD???? I also loved reading the really long texts omg I love it when people hyper analyze shit)

And speaking of analyze.. did you guys notice Starlo's thingy on his hat was supposed to be a heartbeat? :3c

[blakenation1]

Prom is stupid and I hate it: 3/28/2024

Y'all know I'm trans, and I really try not to make it my whole personality, but I do take a lot of pride, I guess, with it being a part of my identity. Here's a blurb from March about some of my thoughts, being transgender, and I figured you DPS tumblr folks might enjoy this. Especially some of my other trans mutuals!!

It’s March, and I’m very excited about spring being on the way, the weather warming up, swimming, beach, vacation, graduating! How exciting to leave.

Prom season is at its dawn. To me it’s like when someone tries to talk to me when I have my headphones in. I am the only transgender person I know in my school. I’m probably the only one. Looking around and seeing guys with their girlfriends, or girls and their girlfriends, or boys and their boyfriends, people and their partners, and seeing them happy together is cool I guess. It’s cool how they can not question if their partner even views them as a boy or girl or non-binary. Maybe later on it would be cool to meet someone and go out, but I don't even know what I really look like right now. 

I think what will really hurt is seeing these happy people at prom. Sometimes I close my eyes, and I am someone very different, but very similar to who I am now. I still have the same blond hair, except it will be blond instead of blonde. My body will look different though, and my voice will sound different. My clothes will fit me differently, and the sunshine will finally not feel like a sunburn for once in my life on my exposed skin. People can’t see it, and people can’t understand that no matter how I dress, my clothes remain overly affectionate, hugging and kissing every curve and wave of my skin. That’s what the mirror tells me anyway. 

When I look in the mirror, I see a stranger, but when my friends, family, teachers, peers, look at me, they see a friend, daughter, niece, sister, student, and someone familiar. I think that it is insane how people look into my eyes, and perhaps see someone that I am not familiar with at all. Sometimes to really understand what I look like, I have to look at actors on television. Sometimes I look outside at a leaf on the ground. Sometimes, I look at the mountains and the ocean. Sometimes I look directly into the sun and I see my real reflection. I look at a desert at night, and it is like looking into a mirror. A mirror that is so kind. 

I don’t wish that I could be like guys my age, but I wish that I could be more than them. I think about how I would do my hair, how I would walk, how I would dress, how I would talk, how I would sit, if I were born a man. In the end, I think that being transgender is so much more than becoming your true, authentic self. It’s identifying with things much more than gender. Identifying with the plains, deserts, rainforests, beaches, islands, pastures, sky, moon, sun, mountains, garden spiders, or the very breeze that races across the earth everyday. It's these things, but you can’t tell some people, because they think you’re crazy, and they think it isn’t real, but shame on them because nature is very much so real. It’s just existing but you can’t tell some people you exist because they look at you like (as my mother would say) “you got ten heads” and then you can’t exist. You have to suck it up, put on clothes other people want to see you in, go to church, go to school, and then hopefully dream about that boy. The one who has blond hair, but a silly-looking knot sticking out from his throat, he has a very nice face, but he is also still 5’4”. 

Prom is stupid and I hate it, because while other teenagers and almost-adults get to experience their youth this way, I get to wait til my late thirties! Or even my forties! Nothing wrong with peaking in your thirties or forties at all, I’m just saying that it’ll be nice. Perhaps twenty years from now, I’ll be friends with the mirror.

[a-larry-retrospective-blog]

Before we start

I feel like I need to make a pinned post to introduce myself before I go on further with 'crying shaking throwing up' posts. So. Here it is!

You can call me R. I'm a '96 baby, not in the sense that I'm actually a baby but in the sense "you CAN and should do the math" because I know this blog will be updated so sporadically I'm not gonna update my age. Right now I'm 28, but you could be reading this as I'm approaching my 30s.

Three things about me: I'm haunted by Sherlock Holmes and the ghost of johnlock, I'm a TS scholar in the sense that I've been listening and reading and analysing her shit since i was at the ripe age of 13 years old, and all this should lead y'all to understand that I'm both a tinhatter and a deeply skeptic person. I have trust issues AND I like making theories, is that so bad?

Now, how the fuck did I end up here?

Imagine: it's the year of our lord 2024. I've been away from the 1D fandom, and the Larry fandom even more specifically (I was a lurker) for almost ten (10) years.

I used to lurk in Larry spaces between ?I think late 2011? to 2014. You can imagine what kind of fun year was 2012 to me. (Haylor is still, to this day, my Roman empire.)

Back in the day, I was a bit gullible (not to the point of believing the reborn dolls shit, sorry), so my thoughts in the last ten years have always been "well I don't know what actually happened between them: maybe they were, maybe they weren't" because i was Young (15 to 18) and not from an english speaking country and I probably missed a lot of nuance, and i didn't have the tools to analyse that stuff critically.

I didn't even listen to their albums unless a track was sneaked into my Spotify algorithm. And even then, I didn't pay that attention to lyrics or anything.

I'm blissfully ignorant, and I know I'm happy.

Fast forward to last month: the clock app (we all know the one) recommends me a video with Love of my life (as a TS scholar I cannot shorten it for fear of confusing the two). I'm like: huh. Inch resting. Let's hear the whole song. Oh, it's about "England"? I did not know an entire country could take a plane! Welcome back Sherlock from the hit BBC serie saying he missed "London" while talking about John, I guess?

Now I'm being silly goofy, but that kind of shocked me deeply to my core. Because like, okay. You're a songwriter and you're a DramatiqueTM songwriter at that. But. You WERE the love of my LIFE when you've barely reached a quarter of your life is objectively insane. That's something that has left a mark on you. And somehow I deeply doubt it's about one of his highly public relationship with one of the "blue eyed models" that Blondie was talking about.

So I started to dig into their songwriting catalogues, and boi oh boi. My frontal lobe is fully developed (hopefully), I have little to no parasocial relationship with two guys who I haven't looked for in the last ten (10) years, I'm an adult with a job and a degree and a second one on the way, and yet my first thought reading their lyrics was "oh, you guys are still both at the fucking restaurant, huh".

And now, here I am, with a new sideblog because I can't inundate my friends' dashboards with stuff we all agreed we outgrew ten years ago. I know I made this introduction so easily recognisable my friends could see it's me from a mile away. If you end up here, sorry for the war flashbacks! I love you!

I hope you all can enjoy your stay as I rediscover old Larry stuff, find out what I've missed in the last ten years, and generally comment on the state of whatever these two are doing.

[yarrystyleeza]

Art vs Artist (2023)

This year was insane y'all, it was definitely centered around Matt and Madilyn, but I did enjoy every drawing I made, they're all so dear to me. Some of them—unfortunately and sadly didn't have a chance to get posted.

(I'm planning on doing another 2023 recap but "from the vault" edition since I have a couple that I never posted here before)

Thanks to everyone who made it through this year with me, it was really fun and to get all this support from you guys is really the best thing ever happened this year, hopefully I can make more and more art next year for all of you to see, love you all! 🥰💗✨

[biogarfield]

Hellhound's Last Heist Chapter 2 Update

it's still not out yet. and I have not made progress for weeks </3

I started writing more of it and it was borinnggg so I stepped away from it to hopefully come back fresh and able to make it less boring. i wanna make this the best it can be because y'all have been so supportive about it that it's motivating me to try my hardest to write it well which takes a lot of zoning out in school to cook

idk when it will be done. friday is my last day of school before winter break but I have a test almost every day that week (including 4 ON TUESDAY ALONE. 3 OF THEM BACK TO BACK TO BACK and 2 tests that week are for my AP class so I really have to lock in) so hopefully I'll be able to do something during winter break but I also may just have to take a second to recover from school lmao

in the meantime: here's somethings I wrote 4 years ago. I'm still flabbergasted that people actually enjoy my writing so much so here's how much I've improved since I started writing yes this is an inanimate insanity fic yes that first character is yinyang. I love yinyang

and yk. i wasn't too proud of the draft so I wasn't gonna but.. since I literally have offered zero sneak peaks... here. it's a little janky but I'll fix it hopefully

[spikedsoul]

Can I please request a sequel to the small Drabble you wrote on Bowser meeting his future children, the Koopalings and Junior? Only this time they accidentally brought one more person on their mission, their baby sister. Who somehow snuck on the back of one of their shells, and she can’t even WALK yet. Quick no one tell Queen Mama! 🤣

((I'm super sorry this is so late😭hopefully this makes up for it......................................))

Bowser rubbed his face as he listened to those crazy koopa kids bickering outside his room. This was the second time they'd found him, once again claiming to be his kids from the future... yet there was still zero indication Peach would give it up... wait.

Didn't they tell him last time that he needed to give up on Peach? He would never! But it probably isn't a bad idea to just... y'know, keep looking, right? Not put all his eggs in one basket?

"I'm tellin' you the more we come back to this time, the more we risk actually fucking things up!" he heard Roy tell his siblings. Roy was the pushiest, the one most against these apparent missions, but Ludwig was the one in control of these little escapades.

"Ludwig is positive it'll eventually work," one of the twins replied. He wasn't sure if it was Lemmy or Iggy.

"What, just so the oaf is happier earlier in his life?" Roy muttered. "What if he doubles down on Peach? I'm tellin' you, any more than this will fuck things up!"

Bowser groaned quietly to himself; how the fuck was this happening? Randomass kids worrying about his happiness, telling him Princess Peach, the love of his life, is not actually the love of his life and to forget her instead... are they insane?! Maybe if he lies and says he'll lay off of this Peach thing, they'll go away...

A light touch to the top of his foot made him nearly jump out of his skin from the unexpectedness, but he froze the moment he looked down.

A tiny, redheaded human infant looked up at him from the floor, her little hands resting on his scaly foot.

"Papa!" she chirped happily, holding her arms up to be picked up.

Silence immediately fell on the other side of the door. He bent down, gingerly picking up the baby girl, and held her close; she wasted no time tucking against him like it was the most natural thing in the world. His mind reeled as he gazed down at her, utterly stunned that this fragile, tiny thing was... was his.

There was no denying that her hair was the same color as his, even the texture as he gently ran a finger over her soft head.

"Spitfire?" Wendy called.

The little baby made an affirmative sound and instantly Bowser knew how big the kids fucked up - there was copious swearing suddenly coming from the other side of the door.

...They accidentally let their baby sister join them. Were they dumb? What were they thinking?!

Bowser scowled and finally turned around, yanking his door open; the kids all wilted a little under his intense glare as he held Spitfire close to him.

"How irresponsible can ya get," he growled quietly at them; none of them could meet his gaze, even Roy who'd been against the idea from the start. "What if y'all left and this poor sweet girl in the wrong time, huh? Somethin' tells me you're gettin' lucky with these time shenanigans. Go home, and if y'all are tellin' me the gotdamn truth, expect some punishment!"

He was careful to keep his voice low so as not to upset the baby nestled happily against him. Despite the harsh warning, Junior boldly stepped forward and pointed at the bundle in Bowser's arms.

"Okay, but just know that her mother isn't Peach," the little look-a-like stated.

Bowser's gaze snapped down to the baby. Not from Peach, huh... okay, that was actually convincing. If giving Peach up meant he'd eventually get to meet this precious daughter of his, then absolutely he'd drop her like a fucking stone! A human daughter meant someone actually gave him the time of day... and enjoyed his company...

Spitfire sneezed softly into him, and he felt the unmistakable heat of fire singing his chest scales.

"Her mother will hear about this little escapade," he warned as he forced himself to hand her over to Wendy, who was hovering anxiously nearby.

"How?" Morton snorted, "You don't even know the woman yet!"

Bowser smirked dangerously at them as they gathered in the same area to go home. "Not yet... but you can bet I'll remember this little interaction later. So yes, I'll be tellin' her mother."

The last thing he saw before they disappeared was a bunch of pale, terrified faces, plus one happy baby making grabby hands at him.

They were so fucked when they got home with Little Red.

[imaginespazzi]

I wanna correct my statement rq “feel like we’re in a fic shortage Nivi😔” turns out there’s QUITE alot of fics and I love them all to death but here’s the problem… 

THEIR ALL IN SYNC like clockwork every fic’s chapter is released around the same weekend (great minds think alike?🧐) then afterwards just nothing till everyone updates after 2-3weeks🥲 (and I try to keep up🙏) 

But im starting to get worried cause the author of a fic im reading thats SO good hasn’t updated in almost a month….           

Im getting flashbacks from slowfalling, cause the writing in my opinion is quite similar thats why I have so much hope for it even though it’s only been a single chapter🤞

Also wdym pre-book my therapist?😇 Do you enjoy our pain when you give us angst or are you just allergic to fluff and gh P and A being happy? Before your fics, I didnt think someone could cry over fictional writing MULTIPLE times, and BOY WAS I WRONG, like mint chocolate chip Icecream being a favourite wrong (No offense Paige, welllll a little offense cause why the hell would you want toothpaste and chocolate???) 

Regarding the prompts, im bored out of my mind so quite literally anything you’d like to read about pazzi i’m willing🙃 whether its about a small moment or a full fledged plotline go crazy, just write a few ideas and i’ll choose and hopefully get started by next week🤞

(BE WARNED theres a high chance it’ll mostly turn into angst it depends on the prompt and my mood I just rewatched the hungergames and im a wreck😞 they did NOT have to do Finnick like that, this is a hill that I will die on)

-🌊🕸️anon (I still call dibs on the emojis after I post someone better not take them🙂‍↕️)

I'm so late answering this lovie but yes it is quite uncanny that there are certain days that all fics seem to update on...something in the air I suppose.

Oooooh wait which fic? Actually lowkey y'all should send me some fic recs before Christmas break!

OKAY WAIT accusing me of enjoying giving y'all pain and then saying you'd turn any prompt I give you into angst is insane?? LIKE HELLO?

But also okay prompts that I've been wanting to read but really don't wanna write myself but would love if you did: jealousy games like them tryna make each other jealous, game night with the team with like a lot of fulffity fluff and comedy, oooooh a christmas fic maybe? If you don't like any of these, I'm sure I can come up with something else!

Also yeah....me too! Nearly burst into tears and have been emotional since like someone please just give me an update.

[agirlwholovesrockstars]

I SAW DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE!

I saw it recently in Aug 3 and guys, GUYS, I've never had a good Marvel film like this before, ever since Endgame, after that it's all just dull and so shallow but I think this era is going to promising and hopefully it continues because I'm having a feeling that Marvel? is going to have a very huge comeback and this is just only the start and I'm very thankful and otherworldly grateful to freaking live in the moment of 2008-2019 full on experience of Marvel! and that excitement, thrilling, joyous feeling is BACK, like, I kid you not! watching this with the whole crowd is reacting with you on the same time is such a bliss! I literally do miss it and I am so incredibly happy to have that again and audience???? was so freaking great and amazing! this is a very hot take but as much as I enjoy the Deadpool 2, this one they take it into a whole another level, I'm so glad that they lessen the "multiverse" and they did not overuse it and Ryan Reynolds is made to be Deadpool and Hugh Jackman is one hell of a an actor like yes, I admit, I did grew up in both actors and I'm very much a fan of Ryan but Hugh steals my attention because after seeing this? me and my bestie (especially my bestie) we're both having a Hugh Jackman filmography marathon, they we're a part of our childhood and Ryan always knows how to make the best Marvel film like I swear to god, a word thank you isn't enough for him like he always ALWAYS does his very best to make every Deadpool film to be the most enjoyable film ever like he never ever disappoint and he does it very seriously! like he takes his time and effort to make the whole movie great as much as possible, Marvel, y'all better take a leaf out of Ryan's direction and also better to take down notes because that's how you make a film that will get viewers to be so pumped, hyped and get your film to be anticipated! my expectations for this film are high but after watching it???? I've never knew they would freaking cross it off the goddamn roof! the soundtracks are always top-notch and a banger, the cameos the mind-blowing cameos, the action scenes, comedic timing is insanely well done, the pop culture references are making my brain stutter is absolutely so hilarious and I am so fond of it! the wait is so worth it and you won't ever regret it seeing it for yourself! 😭😭🤌🏻🤌🏻❤️❤️✨✨

you might wanna bring your bestie with you because???? It's a best buds film???? hello??? 😉

[aletterinthenameofsanity]

Izzy Amnesia Fic Update Part 4?

This will hopefully be the final writing update I have to make for this fic because it really does look I'll be able to finish writing it tomorrow (thank god), but today we clocked in at 21k, making this officially 1/4th the length of a "season" of this series (I know it might be hard to believe for someone who doesn't aim for any particular word count, just writes until the story/chapter feels like it's been fleshed out/hit its stopping point as organically as possible, but somehow, with no effort to make them the same length, both Seasons 2 and 3 of this series ended up 78.1k and 78.3k words respectively, absolutely insane that they're that close) BEFORE I'M EVEN DONE WRITING IT. That's the level of brainrot I have right now on this concept- and can you believe that when I started writing this idea, I was worried that I had lost my Izzy/Lucius/Pete muse because I'd written so much for Jim/Archie/Olu and Izzy had just kind of hit the end of his natural character arc in the series as a whole? BOY did Season 1 Izzy bite me with a vengeance.

Hope I get this done tomorrow and that all of y'all enjoy this monster as much as I do!

@khruschevshoe @possumsmushroom @little-bloodied-angel @fool-for-luv