#i'm honestly not sure which of these i would choose myself. i'll leave it to you guys to decide

[thelvadams]

tagged by @talesfromthecrypts and @rivensbane (🥰)

make a poll with five of your all time favourite characters and then tag five people to do the same. see which character is everyone's favourite!

tagging @vindicia, @mistress-light, @jimmymcgill, @apocalypsekid and @marogarreh!

[from-izzy]

[teaser] love me unconditionally | the boyz kim sunwoo

pairing » the boyz kim sunwoo x fem!reader​

trope/au » ​friends to lovers, non-idol au!, school au!

genre (teaser only) » fluffy fluff fluff, very much hurt and comfort, angst, sunwoo is so patient and loving with the reader, a snippet of an amusement park 'date', sunwoo is whipped for the reader because i love making the idol whipped for the reader (hehe), lots of hand holding because i find that so cute, kim sunwoo who only has eyes for you

word count; estimated reading time » 2438; ~9 mins

warnings (lmk if i missed anything!) » reader is insecure about her ability to keep friendships (this will be more evident in the full story!!), proofread once with slight jetlag

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

honestly...this is the start of a part of me that not a lot of people (even those in real life) don't know about. this story is so hard to write and i wanted to fully finish this for dbn's love letter event but the nature of the topic in which this story comes from is heavy to write about and it does take a lot of my energy. i decided to post a little bit first to encourage myself that i can do it and in a way, congratulate myself in doing this because this story is the main reason why i started writing from the very beginning. i told myself that i wouldn't stop writing until at least i post this one and i guess that day is slowly coming.

i'm sorry if this short part is unclear and leaves you a lot of questions because as much as i have the whole plot idea, i haven't written some scenes. even this one may change (oh, and the banner as well) but i hope it's somewhat understandable.

i don't want to necessarily say when i'll get the full one out but i will try my very best for those who choose to stick around. and if you do, with all my heart, thank you so much 🫂

The mirror reflects your choice of outfit for the adventure-filled day. In the past, you remember always going after school, paying for the half-day ticket instead of a full one and the drop in price would be the reason that Sunwoo willingly tagged along with you; or at least that’s what he always told you because if you looked behind, you would see Sunwoo looking at the back of your head with sweetness dripping from his eyes. Even with the drop in price, you knew that it could be a somewhat regular trip but you didn’t want to make it too regular or else it would rid you of the fun of the whole amusement park concept. That’s why the consensus was once a month, sometimes more but never less. The food would be the same as the street food but would be different enough to the point that you could taste the difference between inside the park and outside.

You twirled in front of the mirror one last time, checking the back of your outfit. To your eyes, it’s simple but to someone else’s eyes, anything you wear would make his heart melt. It’s unfortunate that you’re unable to feel the same way that other people who love you would, and that’s why love is special but scary at the same time. With a final flick on your room’s light switch and the bag that rested on the curve of your shoulder, you greet your mum and walk towards the meetup place in the amusement park. 

Your choice of outfit elicited a raised eyebrow from your mum, the elder nodding and eyeing your outfit up and down. When asked for thoughts, you found that it was the approval nod that you’re thankful for as you did spend some time ruminating about as you’re used to the old, everyday, boring school uniform. In addition, when your mum heard that you’re out with Sunwoo, she made sure to know that you treat him well. It’s heartwarming to see Sunwoo receiving much love from your mum and with a final ‘have fun’ wish, you’re off for the rest of the day.

Sunwoo sent a text as soon as you stepped out and locked the front door, apologising once more for not being able to pick you up from your house and you couldn't help but stare at the message. On the other side, the ‘read’ notification only made him nervous and his next message of a bunch of crying emojis depicts his apologetic nature. The wind blew your cheeks to cool the heating temperature at his playful nature and you quickly texted reassurance to him.

You couldn't believe that holding a hand out to stop the bus would be so exciting. You couldn't believe that seating on the rarely washed seats could be comfortable. You couldn't believe that you were seeing the familiar pathway to a place you used to visit a dozen times a year and that you remembered the way you let your body sway to the turns of the bus. 

The closer the bus heads towards your destination, the more it gets crowded with differing ages filling the small space. The weekend is bustling and so will the park but at least you have a full day. You didn't need to be the one to indicate the driver to stop at the designated stop as a pair of smaller hands did it for you. You're seated at the front of the bus but you sit patiently and wait for others to board first, not forgetting to thank the driver when you do.

The moment your two feet step out of the bus, you're greeted by your company for the rest of the day. He stood not too far away, occupied by his phone and unoccupied with the wind thrashing his hair strands all messily. Sunwoo is unbothered by the whispers of those who throw compliments at him and bows politely when asked for his number. A comfortable set of denim jacket, black jeans and white shirt is his attire and he chose to wear his black-framed glasses that you remember picking out with him.

As much as Sunwoo has been receiving attention for the past hour, he knows the difference between the attention he wants and the attention that he doesn’t. His gut feeling is never wrong when it comes to looking up to meet your eyes staring back at him. The phone in his hand is pocketed in his pants and he jogs his way to you, fluffy bangs hitting his forehead in excitement at the sight of you.

“You’re here,” he says as he takes a final step in front of you. You didn’t even get a chance to nod or speak anything because he took a hand of yours in his, wrapping his fingers around yours. Your stutter didn’t falter his train of thoughts, “I got the tickets! Let’s go!”

“W-Wait, what?” Eyebrows knitted at the change of routine, “What do you mean you got tickets?” His free hand fishes in his other pocket and he pulls out two official entries to the park, a grin on his face when you stare at the unexpected papers in his hand.

“My turn,” Sunwoo says, knowing what you're about to say next. Because going to the park has always been something that you enjoyed, you've always paid the entry tickets but not this time. “I wanted to be here today.”

“Sunwoo–”

“You can pay next time,” hopeful for your answer. He searches for any signs of happiness in your eyes but yours is still filled with doubt and that made his lower lips droop, “Please let me?” Gulping his nerves down, “Please don’t let this be the last time. I hope this can become routine again.” Sunwoo’s eyebrows form a little mountain-like shape and his pouts stretch into a soft, small smile. 

Before you know it, your neck cranes down and back up, nodding in defeat and taking a mental note to pay for everything else for the day. You didn't expect Sunwoo to be so radiant at your answer for he punches the air with hollers of excitement and hops of joy. You're reminded of how his smile lights up your world and his actions are more than capable of lighting up the world. With the hold of his hand on yours, he leads you to take the tickets to be officially used.

The park changed minimally, with the biggest change being the merch being displayed at the store near the entrance. The lingering buttered popcorn and the spice seasoning of churros stayed the same and you hoped that the recipe was the same as you kept your eyes on it even when your legs moved further in the park. Turning your head to the other side is more merch and cotton candy swirled into animal shapes.

“I want one!” Sunwoo dragging you along to the fluffy sugar. Without hesitation, he chose the bear one contrary to your expectations against the raccoon one, “Bear hugs,” he says once again after reading your mind, “You give me the best bear hugs.”

“Oh…” dazed at the simple but fluttering emotions behind his words.

Sunwoo nods enthusiastically and takes a big chunk of the piece. You failed to hold your laugh when it smeared all over his lower face. 

“It's because I don't have any free hands!” Lifting your joined hands to prove his point, “And I don't want to let go of you.”

When did he learn to sweet talk like this? When did he become so confident and bubbly like this? When did he learn to make your heart beat so fast despite looking like a bit of a mess? When did he become so loving through his actions and words that it's hard for you to let go of his hand even if you wanted to?

Sunwoo pokes his tongue out to retrieve the blue cloud on his nose and you choose to give him an audience about it, chuckling behind your small scarf at his attempts. “Here,” you lightly brush past his skin with your fingers, “All gone.”

Like a deer caught in the headlights and an animated character with his cheeks full of food, Sunwoo tries to register the irregular and fast pace of his beating heart. The sugar in his mouth dissolves quicker than he has been consuming it with how he stuffs his mouth with the fine grains of sugar whenever his mouth is empty. You couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at how he looked at you with boba-like wide and glossy eyes while you also found it hard to even look away. Sunwoo takes the opportunity of having extended eye contact with you by ducking his head closer to you.

Unconsciously, his throat became dry and his ability to swallow became harder. His eyes trailed from your eyes, following the slope of your nose and Cupid’s bow to the gap between your lips. At first, you were slightly slow to follow but when you copied the path of his eyes with your own with Sunwoo’s face, your heartbeat could no longer be controlled. 

No one registered the minimising gap between your two faces, and consequently bodies. Your body froze, not in a bad way because it’s Kim Sunwoo, but in a way where you just don’t want to. If Sunwoo wanted to come closer, you wouldn’t oppose him. The safety that he provided you with is reassured by the way your fingers wrapped his hand tighter. Sunwoo became so close that the overgrown front strands of his hair tickled the tip of your nose with the wind. 

You only watch his lips while he watches yours. His bottom lip is trapped between the rows of his teeth and unconsciously you copy him out of nervousness.

“Come on,” he whispers, still unable to take his eyes off your lips, “Let’s go somewhere first.”

It was hard to pull away first, especially when he knows exactly what he feels for you but for him, your comfortability with him will always come first. He just gained precious time with you, rebuilding your friendship once more and as much as Sunwoo wants to take it a step further, he’s aware of how everything is different to the past. He longs for the same type of relationship once more, but things change and so does time; but never his feelings for you.

The back of Sunwoo’s head became harder to view after that, your mind racing with thoughts as he took you to wherever he said he would take you first. You watch as the ground turns from the beige-bricked floors to the wooden-like installed tiles. Only then did you realise that the light is no longer natural and the outline of your shadow becomes clearer. The familiar scent of the air freshener finally made you look up and you’re faced with a variety of character hand bands arranged on the spinning shelf.

“What about this?” His index points to the raccoon headband on his hair. Your eyes grew wide for the opinion he was asking for and you gave a stuttering nod. Sunwoo pouted, worried about his past actions. His thumb brushes against the back of your hand soothingly, “I’m sorry.”

“What…are you talking about?” Why is he apologising? What for–

Sunwoo lets go of your hand, pocketing his to keep the warmth that you once gave him. Your eyes grew wide, hands still in the position he left you. Looking up from your hand, the boy gives a nervous chuckle.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he tries his best to nonchalantly shrug but you can tell from the way his eyes didn’t even bother to look your way, that it’s weighing on him a lot.

Your fingers curl towards your palm and your lips pinches itself into your mouth. You shake your head, hoping that he’ll be able to see it from his peripheral and you try to refute through voice but nothing is coming out.

“Just…tell me if I’m being too mu–”

You stop him this time by lifting both your palms to cup his cheeks, turning his face away from the mirror to you instead. One shake, two shakes and three from your head, “Never you,” you breathe out softly, “I’m just…nervous…not in a bad way though.”

“Oh…” Sunwoo is glad to hear this insight from you, “Me too. You make me nervous like crazy.” he admitted with a gaze full of affection, “In a good way though,” he quickly added.

“All those years before as well?”

“Yeah,” he nods his head to further prove his point. Both his hand comes up to take your hands away from his face. Sunwoo puts them both between you and he continues his actions from before, gliding his thumbs on the back of your hand. “We never held hands back in the past,” and he stopped for a while, wondering if it was the right time to say this. He shuts his eyes tight and blurts out, “But I wish that we did.”

And you just couldn’t ignore this. You just had to ask with every bit you had in you, “Why…?”

Sunwoo shakes his head again and this time you’re beyond confused about what he’s trying to convey. You’ve never seen him so hesitant about his words before and this new sight made it hard for you to possibly string his thoughts into words, not wanting to say the wrong words and assume wrong assumptions of his feelings. You join as you watch the way Sunwoo smooths the pad of his thumb over you, the corner of your lips rising as you focus on the weighted-like blanket of him.

“When you left, the only thing that could keep my hands warm was my other hand or by stuffing them inside some fabric. Even then, it would never be as comfortable as what you would provide me,” and how badly you wanted to agree with him without words, “And you always said that,” finally his hands stopped moving against yours, “When life gets too much,” stepping next to you so that he could hold your hand better, “That you would always hold my hand,” his grip is more secure now, “And tell me that I don’t have to carry anything alone,” he lifts the alternating view of his fingers with yours, “So just like you’ve done that for me all those times,” bringing the back of your hand to his lips, “Lean on me and let me carry some of yours."

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 'especially to you...'

tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here or removed!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿 @whipped-kpop-creators 📝💛 @blankjournal 💭✒️ @sanaxo-o

[abyssleaves]

Why I'll Be Remaining in the Lurking For Love Community

Ok.

Honestly, I really don't want to make this.

I'm way too old for fandom drama, and I don't need to be making myself a target. My gut is telling me that it's a bad idea to get involved, and I'm inviting trouble for myself by posting this.

But the most recent post against Tom is just ridiculous and I can't not speak my piece.

I'm not linking to it or reblogging it because I don't want to send hate anyone's way, and honestly because I'm going to block them as soon as this is posted. You can read mine and theirs for yourself and decide what you think.

As far as the “anti-Latino” posts that Tom liked, I can't speak to whether they do damage, or what Tom’s views actually are. I am not Latino, and I'm not Tom. It's not my place. But I will say I was aware of those posts long before I saw that “callout” post, and it's because multiple Latino artists I follow liked and retweeted them. At the time, I was given to understand that they were satirizing the fact that both were styles of stereotypes, but one was acceptable while the other was not, despite both being bad. I can't say, based on just those tweets, that I see any anti-Latino sentiment in Tom. I'm willing to admit that my knowledge on that front isn't bomb-proof.

The second point, well... I'm sorry to the friend that feels used. They're entitled to be hurt. And I will readily admit that I'm only able to respond to the info within that post. Maybe there IS more to it.

But I don't think that Tom ceasing contact over the hormones is surprising at all, from a mental health standpoint. Put yourself in his shoes: you're a trans person in US, which is its own struggle, and you've reached your mid/early 20s without being able to attain gender-affirming care. Now someone years younger than you just got the thing you want more than anything else. Sure, you might be happy for them. But that is also going to hurt, horribly. You really have three options:

1) stay friends and smother the bitterness/possible resentment. That will either end up ruining your mental health, or coming out and ruining the friendship anyway.

2) Ask your friend not to tell you/post about their transition. That makes it about you and also ruins something that should make them happy.

3) Distance yourself.

Maybe he should have spoken more directly with you about his feelings, granted. But, Tom has not been shy about the fact that he struggles with his mental health. None of us handle every situation well. As far as his occasional venting, I would think, if you WERE his friend, you might have some compassion, and either cease contact if the friendship is not fulfilling, or accept his sincere, well-written apology (Which are the ONLY words straight from Tom’s mouth on the entire fucking post).

Instead, you got the apology from him, and then shared a bunch of gossip between you and another friend, and outed your interpretations of his vent sessions to the world. That's not exactly classy, posting about how he sought people he felt safe with during a time when a big chunk of the community he built is telling him to do horrible things to himself.

I want to make it clear that I don't agree with all of Tom’s views as expressed on his initial explanation post. Again, many of them are issues that I don't feel are my place to get involved in, and therefore I stayed quiet at the time.

I'm aware that the justified and intense hurt felt by people in those communities can mean that even differing opinions feel like a slap in the face. You have every right to see Tom’s views as hurtful and choose to leave, and/or make a separate community for support. I don't blame people who are in those communities for doing so. This post is aimed at the obsessed minority that won't leave the tag/remaining fans/Tom alone.

All of the above being said, the reaction to Tom’s post is the most “touch grass” thing I have ever seen.

Tom liking one or two comics from a dark-humor comic artist so widespread on the internet that I didn't even know he had an actual page, or anything about him as a person (something Tom also stated) = Tom is a Nazi sympathizer.

Tom saying “I don't care for neopronouns, but I won't attack you for using them and will respect what everyone wants to be called” = Tom is a monstrous bigot.

The racism accusation has me especially 💀. All because he liked a post about help from an unexpected source and that we should be kinder to each other.

How on earth are you going to tell a POC that he doesn't know what racism is because he’s NOT THE RIGHT KIND OF POC? Do you hear yourself?

(FWIW, I also don't agree with kink at pride. Sorry. LGBTQ+ people are not "narsty little freaks"--yeah I SAW that post--they're people. They can be kinky, they can be vanilla, whatever. Kink has nothing to do with your orientation, and therefore it isn't part of Pride. Also, my guys, if you're having public sex/being nude at pride for kink reasons, then you're not part of the healthy kink community: safe, sane, and CONSENSUAL. Nobody around you consented to that. Similarly, while I feel that sex education for minors should be normalized in order to give them better tools to tell when they're being groomed, seeing strangers with no pants on is NOT education, that's involving minors in your fetish. And that's fucking gross. )

The LGBTQ+ community in the US is in a lot of trouble right now, and we have a very bad habit of eating our own. We divide and subdivide and allow ourselves to be carved up by a united conservative front.

We do not allow for differing levels of leftist beliefs, and we constantly accuse each other of being not POC/leftists/queer enough, or being the wrong kind, or using a term for ourselves that some other individuals don't like. A great deal of the bullying leveled against him is justified by others saying that he's choosing to support a party that will turn on him and cause him and others like him harm.

Well, to be honest, the only community I see doing that right now is this one.

The amount of disingenuous “OMG, just FYI everyone to everyone hurt by [situation], I’M not transphobic/a bigot, you're all welcome here 😌” posts from people, who did not read his post, did not link to or quote his post. Disgusting. You know very well that nothing in his explanation or in his actions throughout his time in the community pointed to any abuse ON HIS PART towards trans people, non-binary people, people of the Jewish faith, or POC. You're virtue signaling, you're putting lambs blood above your door to keep the baying mob away.

This is insane. When did differing opinions turn into this? You don't have to agree with Tom’s views on anything. You're welcome to not follow his accounts, not like his art, not buy his game. If you feel that his opinions are too severely different from yours, you should be allowed to leave the fandom without people telling you that you should do bad things to yourself because your opinions don't match theirs (sound familiar?).

But…please. Can we stop with this awful parasocial obsession with his personal page? You can't lie to yourself and call it anything other than literal stalking. It's creepy as hell, and it reflects more on you than on him, in the long run. People might agree with your outrage, but deep down, they're afraid of being the next target, and they stay quiet out of fear that you'll stalk them next and send a mob hurling abuse their way.

To Tom, I'm sorry that this happened to you. You didn't deserve anything even close to this level of vitriol and abuse. You started from scratch and created a character and story that I feel was something truly unique. You reached an incredible number of people's hearts with Lurking for Love and Jacob, and no matter what happens from here with both of them, you deserve to feel proud of that. I hope that you are ok. Being a public figure on the internet doesn't mean you don't have a right to private opinions or even just general privacy.

I'm not tagging any characters in this. I'm only tagging the game because I hope other fans get to see that they're not alone. I don't believe the tags should be polluted this way. If you have to discuss a creator, it should be in his tag and not in a fandom space.

I'm aware that there will be deliberate bad-faith readings of this, or nitpicking of things I didn't cover. Whoever wants to, go ahead and respond, but I've said what I came to say, and I have nothing more to add. My inbox is closed and I love the block button.

[the-autistic-cat-queen]

My thoughts and feelings. 17/08/2024

As an autistic person I sometimes find it difficult to know where my friends begin and where I end. What I mean by this is, sometimes I struggle to know what hobbies I like or if these hobbies are just what my friends like.

Take for example my best friend, she likes to collect blythe dolls. I see how she does their hair and dresses them up and I think to myself, oh wow they look amazing. And that's not wrong, because they really do. They are so adorable, and to be honest I really would like to own one.

Now here is where the problem is, let's say I save up and purchase one for myself, then what? Sure it will look adorable, but will I really spend time with it like my friend does? Or will it just sit there collecting dust?

The idea of it just sitting there collecting dust honestly makes me sad. You see, when I see my friend taking care of hers and taking hers out on trips and spending her time on dressing it up, I can see the excitement in her eyes and on her face, I can see how much joy having the doll brings to her, I can see the comfort to she gets.

Now I know the doll is not alive like in the movie "Toy Story", but I do believe that the things we own, the things that become sentimental to us do carry a little bit of our souls.

To be clear I'm not saying the doll is alive in any way shape or form or that they even truly have souls in the way that we perceive that people do. But there's just something about owning a plush toy or doll or any comfort item for that matter that we can become attached to, it just kind of seems to take on a little bit of our personality. In the same way we associate things with people we know. its the way we can relate to them as a form of comfort.

Take myself for example, I'm almost 45 yet I wear cat ears when ever I leave the house, they have become a comfort item of mine, when wearing them I just feel safer, I feel I'm better equipped to interact with the rest of the world.

If I didn't have them on of course I could still do all these things, however I would just feel more anxious and less likely to want to engage with others. Having comfort items for myself has allowed me to come out my shell a little when ever I'm in public. That and cat ears just look so darn cute.

Another example for you is, my partner wears 50s style dresses, and because she looks so beautiful in them, I myself have started buying 50s style dresses. I also look amazing in them (a little bit of self love for you there.) My point is, I don't really know what i truly like. I tend to just be a mixture of all my friends. So who really am I? What do I truly like? I'm currently in the process of saving up for a sewing machine, I'm doing this because I saw someone online making outfits for Sylvanian Families. (that was all it took). Now apparently I plan to sew.

Which by the way, on that topic, I have already collected over 50 different families. I plan to display them at some point, but we need to buy cabinets first. Otherwise my cats will just start testing gravity on them. (And I don't want to see them all over the livingroom floor).

My point is, will I even enjoy sewing? I honestly have no idea, as I honestly don't even know what I like, or even if I'll enjoy sewing. You see, I just tend to do things on autopilot without over thinking them.

Either way, these are just the thoughts I'm having at the moment, and to be honest I don't know how I feel about it all. I look at my best friend and she amazes me, she has so many different hobbies. Then I look at my partner and I think how wonderful she is and how she manages to play so many different video games. I on the other hand just seem to play the same video game for many years upon years. I currently have over 500 different games on my steam to choose from, (most of which I got on 75% off sales). The thing is, when I tend to buy games, I think to myself they look amazing I think that game would be lots of fun, but then I buy them and never play them.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I just wish I had more direction in my life, and maybe more understanding of who I am, and what I like.

Does anyone else who is autistic ever feel this way?

[falciesystemessays]

Can I make a confession?

I hate thinking about my future.

(I promise this is related to video games.)

It could just be something in my brain.

It could be that, the way school has always led to more school, I'd always felt like my life was being decided for me.

It could be that, as a suicidal trans kid living on a dying rock, I never felt like I had a future.

But I had never in my life considered I would get this far, and at this point I have to grapple with the fact that I'm only getting older.

I need to move out eventually. I need to make a living. And I need to keep myself alive and healthy.

But something in me just hates thinking about that.

Of course, I notice this in the games I play too. I love tactics games like Fire Emblem, but the superficially similar Advance Wars could never grip me. While Fire Emblem gives me all of my chess pieces and makes me use them accordingly, Advance Wars makes me think several turns ahead and choose which units to create. Advance Wars is a much more long-term game, and I can't help but hate that.

I've been thinking for years about the prospect of using games to teach me what I don't know. Surely, if a game can finally make me understand long-term thinking, then I will be fixed. And I hate that framing, "fixed." These issues are very likely caused by ADHD, and the brain is just more complicated than any platitude can solve. But I also know that I do have to start thinking long-term, or I will suffer.

I've always hated brushing my teeth. When I was a kid, I would pretend to brush them to make my mom happy, but I just don't like having to put some stick of goo in my mouth, and even now that I do it regularly it doesn't feel good. I thought things would be okay forever, until I started having dental problems. Any individual day where I don't brush my teeth honestly doesn't make that big of a difference. But these choices in aggregate across years can have disastrous effects.

I started thinking about this as I replayed FTL recently. FTL: Faster Than Light is the first game released by Subset Games. Their second game, Into the Breach, is one of my favorite video games of all time. But crucially, everything I like about Into the Breach was an explicit response to something I didn't like about FTL. FTL has too much randomness, so ITB removes a bunch of randomness. FTL has too much hidden information, so ITB shows you exactly what enemies are going to do next. And in a game of Into the Breach, everything you need to think about is right in front of you. In FTL, you have to think ahead.

There's a few design choices in FTL I chafe against. Upgrading your ship is pretty expensive, and I never know how much it's worth saving up until it's too late. Your ship taking damage is unavoidable, and that damage sticks around between battles. Nearly every action costs some kind of resource that I don't know if I'll get back. It's a game that demands you think about it on a large scale, and after years of trying and failing, I cannot for the life of me figure out how to get good at this game.

Do I just not have the brain for it?

But you know, it's not just lack of understanding that makes me put the short-term first. I've gotten into feuds with my parents about dieting before, as their legitimate concerns about health combined with unchecked fatphobia to leave me feeling like they just wanted control over my body. And while I recognize it's immature, these days I'll often eat something unhealthy on purpose out of spite. Making myself some dumplings, using all the salt and butter I could ever want, feels good, and tastes good too. But it was only today when, at a checkup about hormones, I agreed to weigh myself, and didn't like what I saw.

There are some games that provide delayed gratification. Games like Animal Crossing and Pokemon that use real-world time for game mechanics. In Animal Crossing, it's not enough to simply grow a tree, you have to plant it, and then water it for days. In Pokemon Shining Pearl, you have to wait until Friday to catch a Drifloon. These games treat the passage of time as a game mechanic in itself.

...Or at least, they do in theory. In practice, these games are awash with time travelers, changing the system clock to skip the wait.

I wish I had the answers, but I don't. I don't know how to teach myself this vital skill, and I'm searching still for a game that can help with that. Maybe I'll be the one to make it.

But I guess what I do want to say is that, if you also hate thinking about the future, whether that's in games or in life...

I understand.

[runningfrom2am]

the sea around us; chapter thirteen

In which Rafe Cameron has to choose between his dad and a pogue who's changing his outlook on life more and more every day.

(rafe cameron x f!oc)

(eventual!jj maybank x f!oc)

warnings/tags: violence, drug/alcohol use, smoking, sexual content (if you squint), slowburn, older brother’s best friend, (these tags are obv not exhaustive but regardless it’s pretty PG13)

wc: 1.6k

my masterlist

series masterlist

requests

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

~Rafe's POV~

"Rafe, bro, I am so god damn serious right now if that wasn't my sister I would've thrown one your way, man." Kegs says to me, lighting up a j as we stand in the parking lot of the theatre, leaning against my bike and watching the screen burn and smoke and ash fly into the sky.

"Yeah, I get that." I respond, holding my hand out for him to pass it to me.

"What's up with her now, anyways?" He asks, taking a hit before passing the joint over. I take a drag as well before answering.

"She's staying at John B's." I answer, blowing the smoke out of my lungs.

"I figured that much." Kegs chuckles. "I meant more what's happening between you guys."

"Oh, yeah, uh.." I take another hit and hand it back. "Not fully sure, man, to be honest." I lie, avoiding eye contact as I hand him his weed back. It's not completely a lie. I mean, I know in my gut that I want to be with her. She's all I've been able to think about for a while now, even before I offered her a ride home on the night of the storm, but Snowy had never looked twice at me before then, I just don't know what she wants. Or how she feels. I just know that it took everything in me to leave her standing behind the burning screen as she cried over what we did to her friends. Fuck- it makes me sick remembering how she watched me walk away, the way her long, red hair hung down in front of her, and her cute little shorts. I need to stop. I just need this high to kick in so I don't think about it anymore.

"Really? 'Cause that's not what that video of you guys making out at Kelce's made it seem like." Fuck.. Someone filmed that? I sigh, running my hand through my hair. "I don't think I need to mention what I'll do to you if you hurt her."

"Yeah, man, of course. I wouldn't do that." I mumble.

"Dude, I'm serious. You haven't had a serious girlfriend the whole time I've known you." Kegs laughs and I shrug.

"I've just never had a nice girl." I chuckle.

"Snowy is nice." Kegs says, nudging me. "Listen, I'm not trying to scare you. You know that. I just don't want her to be another chick you hit and quit. She deserves better." I know that. She deserves better than me at my best, honestly.

"I agree." I tell him. "I don't know what she's doing hanging out with those pogues anyways." I say, in attempt to change the subject.

"Yeah, I mean, she thinks they make her happy." He shrugs. "She doesn't get that in the long run, like, she won't want to live on the cut forever. She'll marry that JJ kid and stay at her three jobs until the day she dies, funding his drug addiction." I feel my teeth grinding just at the thought of that. She deserves everything. I want to give her everything. I'm being crazy- I hardly know her, yet.

"Listen, I better dip. I'll see you tomorrow?" I ask, grabbing my helmet and straddling my bike.

"Yeah, of course man." Kegs nods, handing me the j for one last hit before I leave. I take it, then pull my helmet down and start my bike. Snowy wouldn't want me to drive high. I find myself pushing those kind of thoughts out of my head more and more.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

I get home, and my dad has this great idea, more like demand, that I invite Snowy to Midsummers this weekend as my date, obviously to keep up appearances. I love that idea, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it, but I didn't want to put her out of her way, and I couldn't imagine she would want to come. Especially after she just hardly forgave me for what we didI don't have much of a choice now anyways.

I'm on my way home from the gym, and I see her old, beat up car parked outside the coffee shop she works at. Now is a better time than ever, I suppose. I park outside and sit on my bike for a minute after I take off my helmet, looking inside through the window. I don't see her, but I don't see anyone else either. It's perfect.

I take a deep breath before I get off, putting my helmet on the back and approaching the door. My hands already feel sweaty. Gross. I wipe them on my shorts and then look at my reflection in the glass, quickly making sure my hair looks okay before I open the door and walk in.

"Good morning, what can I get for you?" Snowy asks as she walks out from the back, customer service voice in full swing. She has her hair up in a ponytail that looks like it could fall out at any minute, and wearing these leggings that hug her curves perfectly. She is so pretty. She wipes her hands on her apron, since they're dripping wet. She was probably doing dishes- I feel guilty for interrupting.

"Iced Caramel Macchiato please." I say, trying to mimic her from when she ordered those for us the other day. She looks up, her face relaxing into a more genuine smile. It is so contagious.

"Oh, hey." She says, reaching down and clicking a few buttons on the register. "Just get back from the gym?"

I laugh slightly, gesturing down to my clothes. "How could you tell?"

"Just a guess." She shrugs, walking over to the espresso machine.

"So, uh, I needed to talk to you about something." I say, and she hums back in hesitant acknowledgment as I rub the back of my neck. I'm sweating like crazy- it's hot in here for it being before 8 am. "There's this thing this weekend, kind of a big deal apparently, and I was wondering if you would be okay with going with me?" I internally cringe at the way I said that. God- that probably made no sense.

"Midsummers?" She asks, pausing making the drink to look up at me. I'm getting butterflies in my stomach, just looking at her brown eyes.

"Yeah, that. My dad is getting some sort of award or something." I explain. "So? What do you think?"

"Uhm.." She pauses, clearly thinking. Great. I screwed this up with her already. Of course, I saw this coming- she should still be mad at me. "I would love to, I really would, but I don't think I'd be welcome there. Besides, I don't own anything even remotely appropriate to wear." She replies, with a nervous-sounding laugh.

"If you're my date, you'll be welcomed. Besides, my dad wants you there." I tell her, smiling despite how anxious I'm feeling.

"Ward? He specifically requested that I come?" Snowy raises her eyebrow at me, getting back to working.

"As a matter of fact he did- I can tell you don't believe me, but he loves Kegs, and he wanted me to bring someone to keep up appearances, since he's the guest of honour or whatever." I say, immediately hearing how bad that sounded. "Not like- fuck, that sounded bad. Not like I don't want you there." I laugh nervously. "I do want you there, and so does my dad. There. That's what I meant to say." This is humiliating. I'm waiting for her to laugh in my face- even though I know she would never do that. She's too kind.

"Okay.." She nods, placing my drink up on the counter in front of me. "I still don't have anything I could wear. I just don't want to embarrass you. I'm sorry. Maybe ask one of Sarah's friends? I'm sure they would be all over you." She jokes.

"That's the easiest problem to solve." I dismiss her comment. "I've got it. Here.." I say, pulling out my wallet and digging around for the bills I'm looking for.

"Oh my god, Rafe, no. I seriously can't let you give me any money. I can borrow something from Kie, maybe. I'll sort it out. I'd love to go." Snowy says quickly, shaking her head at me. She is so cute.

"Okay fine, then this for my drink." I say, placing eight hundred's on the counter. She just looks at me, as if to say 'come on, seriously?' and that makes me laugh.

"Your drink is free." She replies, crossing her arms. "On me."

"Oh, thank you. How sweet. Then that's a tip." I grin, pointing at the cash and she rolls her eyes.

"I'll pay you back, Rafe." She sighs, picking up the money and folding it before putting it in her pocket. "Thank you." Snowy says honestly, looking back up at me.

"Don't worry about it. I really want you to come." I say as I pick up my drink. "Can I pick you up from John B's at 3 and you can get ready with Sarah? That's a thing girls do, right?" I laugh, totally unsure. I've just seen that in movies.

"Yeah, totally." Snowy laughs, leaning her elbows on the counter. "I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too." I smile, taking a sip of my drink. "This is good, I need to come while you're working more often, Juliette." I tease her, reaching down and flick her name tag.

"Oh my god, ew. If you keep calling me that I'll get you banned!" Snowy laughs, swatting my hand away.

"I gotta run, but I'll talk to you later?" I suggest and she nods.

"Of course. Thanks again, Rafe." She says as I wave and start to head for the door.

"Oh, and one condition on me paying for your dress," I say, turning as I walk back toward the door. "Send me pictures of everything you try on." I wink, seeing her roll her eyes.

"Bye, Rafe." She giggles, waving me off. I don't know when I stopped feeling nervous, but I leave feeling much better than I did when I walked in.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

A/N; Bet y'all didn't see his POV coming lol I hope you liked it though! I tried my best but as always feedback is appreciated :) -R

taglist: @boo22sstuff @madelynie (you mentioned you liked this series so i added you but lmk if you want to be removed!!)

[lifeofamarauder]

The Dark Prince 1

Mattheo Riddle x Odette 

Part 1 <3 (it gets more spicy as we go but you first need to SUFFER)

Word count- 1,313 words

I wrote this not from Y/n perspective but let me know if you want me to post that version as well if you prefer it! I tried not to use too many descriptors for Odette, other than her house and family names.

. 

Intro: I had a few quiet first years at Hogwarts. I explored the castle, read books in the library, and even brought a black cat to join me my in fourth year. It was all so quiet and nice. Until he came along.

.

.

.

I'm officially fifteen.

I'm officially fifteen and I have planned absolutely nothing for today. If my mum were here she would be scolding me about not having planned some grand party in the astronomy tower or at the very least invited my friends to Hogsmeade then getting drunk off of butterbeer and pumpkin ale. I couldn't tell her how impossible this was seeing as the only person who knew and cared about my birthday was Luna, a fourth year who would join me and jinx (my adorable kitten I brought with me last year) reading together or playing wizards chess. I also could never tell her how horrible I was at wizards chess and that miss Luna Lovegood beat me every time. I value my life too much for that, though I don't mind either of these things myself. But I am truly the antithesis of her.

My mother is a kind woman, as long as you are one of her party guests or my older brother, Silas. Two years older than me and more perfect than any other Ravenclaw Purebred around, Silas may as well be a Prince according to my mother. He even became Prefect this year. We're all so very thrilled (or so I'm told).

But today, I get to do whatever I want, and I don't need to tell anyone else about it. Today is the one day of the year I can be completely selfish and introverted. I only take this one day to myself, as my mother and my brother take control of my other 364.

I pet Jinx and move her off my chest before I set out some toys for her to entertain herself while I'm gone. Even though I know she will just end up sitting at the window watching ravens fly by the tower, I want to make sure she has anything she might need. I've never met a more spoiled cat and honestly? She deserves it.

I manage to make it all the way to the library without running in to Silas or his Quidditch buddies who would immediately notify him about my whereabouts. I'll count that as my first birthday gift of the day. I'm all prepared to sit in my favorite nook debating for around 30 minutes over which book to read first (I brought 3 just in case) when I notice someone in my spot.

Now, I didn't pick this spot my first year for its comfortable sitting or bright lighting, I picked it solely for it's purpose that it would be the very last place someone else would try to sit.

If this were any other day, I would walk away and decide to read in the astronomy tower or the empty corridor by the DADA classroom, which will most certainly be empty on a Saturday, but today is MY day. So I suck it up and decide to ask him to kindly leave him. I stand there awkwardly looking at his back and impulsively choose to poke him to get his attention.

His dark eyes immediately look up and I take a moment to fully look at his face now. He has a scar forming on his nose and another on his cheek that looks like it's been there a few years now. My breath catches when we make eye contact and I'm struck by how dark and deep his eyes are as they bore into mine.

I realize I'd been standing there staring at him for longer than I should, and shake my head a little to clear my thoughts before I force myself to continue.

"Can you move?"

Smooth.

He just keeps staring at me, his dark curls falling in his face, so I gather what's left of my courage and force out another sentence, slightly stronger this time.

"I need this seat. Can you please move to somewhere else?"

He, again, doesn't say anything, but this time his eyes darken slightly and he has the faintest hint of a smile.

I force myself not to smile back but unfortunately I cannot hide the blush escaping. I open my mouth to elaborate once more when he finally says something.

"What's your name Princess?"

I'm taken aback by the unexpected pet name. Princess? I just met this guys and he thinks its ok to call me Princess? He just keeps sitting in my seat, not acknowledging my request and SMIRKING at me. My desire to smile at him is gone, now taken over by annoyance. Who does he think he is?

"Apologies your highness, you must not have heard me. Honestly." I roll my eyes to give full effect of my annoyance. "I just want-"

"I mean I'm more than happy to keep calling you 'Princess', Princess, I just thought your name might be more favorable to you." he interrupts me while turning back to his book. And wouldn't you know, he's STILL smirking. I'm starting to lose it.

"You most certainly may not keep calling me Princess, my name is Odette and it's my birthday and all I want for this one day is to read in my spot where no one will bother me and maybe if I'm feeling adventurous I'll steal some hot chocolate up to my room and read THERE until I fall asleep and have to wake up and then once again do everything else for everyone else until I can't take it anymore!!!"

I realized my voice was rising and I had begun gesturing quite frantically but I kept eye contact with him. A small win. His smirk was still there, but this time his mouth was more agape and he looked like he was slightly shocked by my sudden outburst. And maybe impressed? I can't tell. I'm too shocked myself at my outburst that I can barely register anything else. I take deep breaths and try to calm my heart.

He slowly closes his book and stands up. I hide my head in embarrassment until I see his feet come almost in contact with mine as he backs me up into the bookshelf. My eyes shoot up and lock instantly with his which does nothing to calm my heart. I swear his face gets closer and I can feel his breath tickling my face but I'm unable to look away. He pulls in close to my ear and whispers, "My name's Mattheo but by all means, please keep calling me 'your highness'."

He pulls back only slightly to look at me, my face flaming by this point. The corners of his mouth lift up once more and he looks down to where I'm clutching my books in my hands. His hand reaches out and I think maybe he's coming in closer and I instinctively flutter my eyes closed. Instead, I feel one of the three books I'd long forgotten being pulled out of my hands. Mattheo steps slightly away from me, making the space he left suddenly feel cold.

He inspects the cover and looks back up at me before simply saying, "This is one of my favorites." He sets the book down on our table and he starts to walk off. I shake my head once more trying to clear it of whatever just happened.

"Happy birthday, Princess!" he calls over his shoulder.

I begin to call after him, feigning annoyance, to say that is not my name once more but he's already vanished.

I look back to the spot I just won back expecting to feel more victorious, though it suddenly looks much less enticing then it did minutes ago.

I sit down across from the book he laid on the table and attempt to pick through the two that he didn't touch but I tell myself I'm only curious as I pick through the one he claimed was his favorite.

I become fully immersed in the story and fail to notice the jealous eyes that had been peaking out at me from behind the shelves.

[fairfoxie]

hi!! i was wondering if i could get your perspective on something, as i really respect the resources you share about being faekin and i want to know more about it! i am irish reconstructionist pagan who works with the good folk, and i admit that i often have trouble reconciling my religious beliefs with 'kin posts that i see. i was wondering, if you felt comfortable responding, what your perspective on the clash that sometimes occurs between faekin and the cultural evolution of the fairy archetype is? if this is offensive i apologise and absolutely did not mean it as such! i'm still relatively new to the nonhuman community (my nonhuman blog is foxwyrm!) and am trying to learn more about it :} regardless, i love your blog, and appreciate what you share!!

Hi! I'll start by saying this is not even a little bit offensive! I know you're asking a question in earnest and I'm honestly really grateful to get the opportunity to voice my perspective.

And really, I wasn't sure at first how to approach all of this at all. My brain and beliefs are scattered, and to be quite honest I make it up as I go along. That's why I used to be petrified of doing any kind of spirit work, especially with the Good Folk. So only recently have I combined my own Neopaganism with my Otherkin experiences. I am still learning. But I'm learning a lot, especially now from others who walk a similar path.

I'll admit I had to look up just to make sure I understood what an Irish Reconstructionist Pagan is, and it seems to be exactly what I was hoping it would be! I may not be strictly of that faith myself, but I'm highly grateful that there are people who are, who keep that alive. I'm so fascinated by pre-Christian Celtic faiths and I do wish it were easier to find the old stories. But stories survive through people, and I enjoy sharing videos I've found where Irish people who coexist with the Good Folk, talk earnestly about their faith and how it impacts their lives. I think those collective experiences are very real and important and culturally valuable. I see parallels in our perspectives, when they speak of mutual respect and of leaving nature undisturbed. I highly value the words of the people who live where there are said to be Faeries.

Still I'd hesitate to discuss being faekin with someone of that particular tradition. I do get overcome with doubt and worry about myself. Is my very existence disrespectful? Just yesterday I ran off into the woods in tears with a question of who, what, am I?

I have discussed being Otherkin with the trees before. I'm an animist at heart, and I like to keep company with the friendly spirits of trees often.

Tree spirits are good listeners, and they understand the humans they live with. When I talk to the trees, I don't have to explain what I am. I show them. They understand. They accept me. They don't judge or argue, and they accept strange contradictions like me being human and nonhuman at the same time.

I see lots of things in the forest. Things that renew my belief in magic every time in different ways. I have hardly a choice but to believe in all manner of beautiful spirits, fae big and small, even gods. I believe in monsters too, but I believe in myself more, and I value my autonomy, and so I choose not to let my spirit be harmed.

And because I value my autonomy, I am drawn to the Otherkin community, where you don't have to have all the answers, just be who you are and you will be accepted in the best of our circles. We respect each other's minds, bodies, and spirits, and each of us walks a parallel but completely different path into ourselves. I'm glad there are others like me, who don't know why they are nonhuman in some way, just that they are, and that we have carved out a space in which to exist as we are.

I don't have all the answers, and probably never will. But I find little congruencies that allow me to slip through the cracks between what is and isn't. Here are some of them.

Many Faeries do look like humans. Changelings of course, and selkies, and Hulder and Skogskra, and nymphs and elves and many others. And much folklore seems to have it that people who seem to be human turn out to be Fae.

But I was born to humans, I know that for sure. And as such, I consider myself a Human Fairy. Of sorts. Like I said, I value my autonomy, and my right to say what I am and be what I am.

For me, the difference between a Faery and a Fairy is that Faeries are the beings that already existed, living at arm's length from most humans for most all time. We only remotely understood them back then, we only remotely understand them now. But we respect them, and many do respect us back and seek friendships with us.

The Fairy, on the other hand, is that cultural archetype you were talking about. A Fairy can be created by a human, it can be a human, it can be a character, and most importantly, it can be the link between people and magic. I have an affinity for pixies and pillywiggins, flower fairies, gnomes, brownies, dryads, sylphs, and all manner of tiny winged beings of nature, and yes, Tinker Bell, who was my personal introduction to the Fairy world, and the idea that there are magical beings who live in another world but also interact with our world. My first 'kin feels' would have been daydreaming myself in Pixie Hollow/Fairy Haven as a tiny fairy with wings and a talent, just the same way Prilla blinks to the Mainland. I still clap sometimes, because I do believe in Fairies.

And I think that the spirit world contains multitudes. I think it contains Faeries and Fairies all at once, and that thoughtforms, spirits, fae, and gods are all a big part of what makes humanity who we are in the first place.

And even still, I don't know if I have all of my facts and beliefs straight. But I know that I don't have to. If I waited until I understood myself completely before going and living my life, I'd simply never get the chance to. And so I just go live it. As I get older I care less about the labels and more about the experiences. But I love being a Fairy. I love being Otherkin. And I love talking to the kindest of the Good Folk. And I'll love this whether or not I will ever fully understand any of it.

I truly hope this is something like the answer you were hoping for.

[vole-mon-amour]

3x12, Jamie edition, part 2.

Roy seeing Jamie and Keeley hugging, asking him out for a bear, letting Jamie fist bump him and suggesting he does this, being excited about spending time with Jamie. When early in the show Roy full on walked away from fist bumping and Jamie had to fist bump himself.

THE GROWTHHHH. I'm so happy for Jamie, honestly. I'm pretty sure Roy's posted was on Jamie's wall way before Keeley's one got there, so to be best friends with your childhood hero/crush... Good for you, Jamie. Good! for! you!

The different ways these two drink. I'm having Thoughts. Also, what are those dog tags, Jamie?

"Worth the wait." I'M HAVING THOUGHTS.

Fucking FINALLY. Tell him he's the best boy. Also, can't get over the looks Jamie always gives him. The never-ending puppy eyes with "Oh? Oh, for real? Ohhh my."

When will they finally kiss?

Older man, lmaoooo. Oh, Jamie. You wonderful, wonderful boy. The daddy kink can easily be a part of it.

Hey, you know how it looks like? "To you dying then." Look at them go.

Friendship? FRIENDSHIP? (stops myself from writing a fanfic right here and now) Oh, you are SO dating.

Roy, what are you, five? No, but for Real? Keeley deserves SO much better. He's insecure af, he tries to push Jamie away from her, he's crushing Jamie under this passive aggressive "She's mine, so don't even think about it."

If anything, if I were to choose from the inside of this triangle, it's Roy and Jamie for me. They WORK. It would fix so much if they kissed and explored each other's bodies. All that "All I need is Keeley & you stay away from here" would disappear.

However, if we're talking het ships (which I dislike but ok), it's Jamie and Keeley for me. I'd love Keeley with someone new. I'd LOVE to, with boys being together. But between Roy and Jamie. Jamie is SUCH a much bigger man than Roy. Jamie has done all the work since s1. No one held his hand, he's done all the work himself. He never ever hit on Keeley again despite all his love for her. He's been respectful of her wishes and never pushed himself on her or on Roy with "She's mine." If anything, he went with "I respect you and your relationship with Keeley" & stayed out of the way.

All Roy canonically does is pushing herself on her and on Jamie about her. Both Keeley and Jamie deserve better than an insecure man that can't get his head out of his ass. It's like one hookup, he went kind of normal, then he's back to his old ways again. Like???

I genuinely think you should have some gay sex. That would fix you a bit, Roy. I'm sure of it. Jfc. Is it me or is Roy incredibly weird this ep? What's with "She's a woman"??? What's that misogyny? You can't talk with a woman without thinking you're back on track to dating her? Keeley told you 'No" numerous of times.

Like, I'll tag it as anti Roy x Keeley, but I genuinely think shippers also should see it. Roy is regressing so fucking fast. You call this the man Keeley deserves? I don't fucking see it. "I don't want to be just friends." Well, she's not ready, why are you pushing so hard? Asshole.

See??? "I'm so insecure, but I'm pushing myself on her so hard, it's happening, we're getting back together, step aside!"

I want to beat Roy with a stick. Like, at actual tree stick, with leaves and all, so he'd understood what he's doing, that idiot.

Anyway, Jamie is such a sweet boy, immediately asking if they're official or not. He gets it.

You tell him, Jamie. Does this change anything for me in terms Roy x Jamie? No. Lol. But omg, I am still so anti Roy x Keeley, you guys. He should learn how to be alone and how to be a decent human being and how to treat people with respect.

I see only one child here & it's you, not Jamie. Grow up. No, tbf, they're both acting like kids, "I was with her first" — "I was with her last." But Roy is.... *deep sigh* My reaction to him is basically Jamie smacking lips and raising his eyebrows. Seriously, grow the hell up.

No but I think she should sit together, all three of them and talk. They don't actually consider what the woman in question wants. Maybe she wants neither of you. In the meantime, Roy and Jamie should kiss. They're going nowhere this way.

"She made that for me." I see hints of Roy getting physical & I swear to god, if he ever touches Jamie in the wrong way, just with one fucking finger, I am so fighting Roy. I can almost see Jamie waiting for the punch and for the need to defend himself. Jamie comes first, everything else comes second. Unless you're gonna kiss him and love him & cherish him, FUCK OFF.

Overall, even with how much I ship OT3, I'm tired of when it's presented like an actual triangle/two people running after one. This is seriously going nowhere & considering this might be our episode EVER, I dislike that very much. And them bickering like children? You guys should fix it.

Like, I had a feeling Roy might try to pull off something like this since he saw Jamie and Keeley hugging and got jealous but omg. *rolls eyes* Be a bigger man for once, will you, before calling Jamie a child?

P.S.:

This sounds SO much like a Phil's interview where he said that he wanted things with Keeley to go Jamie's way. Bc he feels all Jamie's victories and losses the same way Jamie feels.

[hotforharrison]

I've been exclusively posting new Harrison content and nothing about me personally for quite some time now, but I just kind of wanted to... talk to the void, I guess. It's been rough lately.

The end of December leading up to the shit show that was my birthday on New Year's Eve, and now into 2024, has not shown me any kindness.

Seeing my husband happily in love with his girlfriend while our marriage spirals around the drain into divorce has been really difficult, one of the hardest things I've gone through in my life.

He says that he wants to work things out and have both of us, which is what I want as well, but his actions speak differently most of the time.

She lives nearby and gets surprise cookies and hugs when she's feeling sad. On multiple occasions, I've gotten left alone in my room in tears.

They talk on the phone more in a single day than he and I did in the entire two weeks I was visiting my family out of state for my high school reunion.

I want so much to be in love and happy again, which I haven't been in quite some time. I'm not sure that it's going to happen with him as much as I want it to. I usually feel like we're on a sinking boat, and I'm trying to use a cup to throw out water to try desperately to keep it afloat, even though it's ultimately futile.

As per the marriage counselor's suggestion, we're being more intentional about our time together, like we're dating again.

Although I'm unable to leave the house right now for anything that isn't absolutely essential (I'll get to that in a minute), we've been having movie nights every Wednesday with phones put away and paying attention to the movie and each other.

We haven't done anything "special" together as a couple in what's honestly been years, and we're going to go to either Kemah Boardwalk or Galveston hopefully the week of April 15, depending on whether it's safe for me to walk that much at that point.

I'm not holding my breath that it's going to ultimately help us reconnect enough to improve things, but I'm hoping it's a step in the right direction of getting there.

We've been polyamorous since 2015, but I haven't dated or been looking for someone to date since 2016, or even just hook up with for that matter. My husband has had a number of girlfriends and partners over the years, which I'm completely fine with.

It's been a sort of mono-poly relationship for the past almost 8 years, but entirely by my own choosing. He didn't influence that at all and actually encouraged me to date again if it's what I wanted to do.

And I am going to go down that rabbit hole hopefully later this year, which is very nerve-wracking.

I know it's absolutely not a requirement for dating, and shallow people who would only date someone who is under a certain weight aren't great partners, but I want to lose a lot of weight before I start looking again. It will help me feel better about myself, and self-confidence is an attractive quality.

Right now, I honestly don't even want to be undressed in front of my husband who I started dating in 2007, so him seeing me undressed is nothing new. I view myself as "fat and disgusting," even though I've known women who weigh as much or more than I do right now who were very attractive and had no trouble dating.

My husband said I carry the weight very well and don't need to be down to some arbitrary number that I come up with to date again, which I wanted to be under 200. He asked how much I weighed when we started dating. I weighed around 260 then, and I understood his point.

I started actively trying to lose weight on September 22 of last year, because there's no reason to wait until some specific date like a New Year's resolution. September 22 was as good a day as any.

I was about 12 lbs shy of my highest weight ever, which was 352.8 lbs, at 340.6. As of January 16, I'd lost over 30 lbs since the end of September and weighed in at 307.1. I'm 5'9, so a tall girly, and my tentative goal is 175. It's subject to change based on my desired goal clothing size, which is a 10. (I don't want to stop shopping at Torrid, and they go down to a 10 at the lowest.)

Anyway, I broke my right leg and severely sprained my left ankle when I fell in a parking lot the day before Thanksgiving in 2022, which halted my weight loss efforts in 2022 and led to me regaining most of the weight I'd lost then.

The amount of damage I did to myself from just falling in a parking lot was pretty impressive. Ironically, I did not break the glass bottles of hard cider I was carrying, only myself.

The broken leg healed perfectly over the course of a few months or so, but because I still had to use the other leg as my main weight bearing side, it didn't get to properly heal like it should have. My sprained ankle's ligaments were very loose. The ankle kept collapsing over the course of 2023, through a round of physical therapy, and I just kept spraining my ankle over and over again whenever I tried to do more demanding things like working out. Being more active is very important to weight loss and health, so it was really frustrating.

Eventually, after trying to work out one too many times and foolishly not allowing the injury enough time to "heal," (and I use the term "heal" loosely because it never actually did and just became increasingly damaged) I ended up in putting myself into an immobilizing boot full time because of the collapsing extending itself into normal walking.

The first round of physical therapy made no difference, and I did a consultation with a different physical therapy place to see what they said. After going over my situation and having an assessment of my ankle with the physical therapist, I asked if he were in my shoes what he would choose to do. He said that if it were him, he'd do the surgery and follow it up with physical therapy to regain strength and balance.

So I had the surgery to fix it once and for all on January 19. (I was hoping to have the surgery ASAP, but couldn't do it in December like I originally hoped. My insurance was changing in January.)

The injury was apparently worse than the doctor initially thought it was, and I haven't been able to put any weight at all on it since then. I had been very much hoping to be able to put some weight on it again at my 3 week follow up, but no dice. I've been stuck exclusively on a knee scooter cart and crutches for over 5 weeks now. It's been such a struggle, in so many ways.

I've left the house literally 3 times since I got home after the surgery. Two follow up appointments with the foot and ankle doctor, and an interesting session of marriage counseling while I was drugged out of my mind on prescription painkillers. I honestly don't remember much of it, or that week in general. I was very happy to transition to ibuprofen and acetaminophen after the first week post-op.

I haven't been able to weigh myself since my last weigh in before the surgery on January 16, which is taking a very, very heavy toll on me and my mental health.

I've been having recurring nightmares about getting back on the scale and weighing more than I ever have in my life -- like 70+ lbs more than I did when I last weighed myself in January. I know rationally that I've actually lost weight and am very likely under 300 lbs now, but there's still this deep, nauseating fear that I'm wrong and weigh more than I ever did.

My husband assures me that he can tell that I've lost weight, but it doesn't feel real to me with my skewed perception -- like my brain tells me that the clothes that fit differently were obviously messed up while they were being washed and just ended up stretched out somehow.

I took measurements of my body when I started losing weight in September, and as of a week or so ago, I've lost 7" in my bust and hips and 5" in my waist. My brain tries to convince me that I just measured myself wrong in September, like I could somehow measure myself wrong with over 7" of difference with the exact same tape measure.

It makes no logical sense.

I have another follow up appointment with the foot and ankle doctor on Monday morning and get to find out if I can put weight on my left leg again after some x-rays to check my healing progress. (That makes me nervous because I still have some prominent bruises on one of my thighs that I had on January 20. They've gone from purple to brown, but they're still very obvious. It's supposed to take 2 weeks for bruises to go away. Not 5+.)

I really don't know that I can handle having to wait even longer to weigh myself again and start the process of getting back to walking and eventually working out.

I want so desperately to be able to make progress toward my goals instead of just miserably stagnating here.

I want to lose the weight. I want to be healthier. I want to feel better about myself. I want to have the chance to finally figure out things with my husband, even if the conclusion we ultimately come to isn't what I'm hoping for. I want to find a nice guy to date. I just want to move forward, actually live my life.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, I guess?

[msmargaretmurry]

I've just read the entirety of the head above water series over the course of the past day (wildly irresponsible, totally worth it) and I must say, I ADORE this universe. I love your Matthew and your Leon (so stupid, so emotionally constipated, so bad at communication and reading each other), and Quinn! Poor Quinn! I feel for this Victorian ghost child, haunted by the horrors (and pining) in every universe. I'm sure Brady will come around eventually. Probably. (I'm also loving the idea of Keith scheming for how to get Matthew and Leon on the same team, putting his experience and desire to be a part of his kids' careers to good use XD) Anyway, thank you for writing, time to reread!

awww thank you so much, anon! i'm so glad you enjoyed it! i feel a little weird posting this instead of just keeping it for myself but also i hoard nice comments like a dragon and i know if i leave it in my inbox i'll accidentally delete it or something. and that would be terrible ❤

i have barely had the time or energy to write at all this month so instead of doing that i have just been THINKING a lot, and while THINKING is of course a very important part of the writing process, it is not nearly as satisfying as putting words on the page. but specifically since people have been leaving really nice comments about the HAW anniversary ficlet i've been thinking a lot about that universe and i AM full of feelings about it. so i'm going to babble a little.

because like, obviously, the HAW is a fully separate timeline from the real world at this point. real world florida!matthew and HAW!matthew are totally different entities, not in small part because florida!matthew has a nice finnish boyfriend and several drops of serotonin. this means that continuing to write in the HAW universe means basically making up the whole future as i go, which isn't a problem — it's fun and also kind of nice being freed from the tethers of reality that i was basically ignoring anyway — but it also means that i can kind of pick and choose stuff from the real world to incorporate or not. which is all to say that in the HAW!verse, quinn definitely does still get named captain of the canucks, and feels a lot of things about his and brady's matching Cs, but also feels relieved in a way to have something so tangible to pour his future into that is not brady-shaped at all.

i touched on this in the replies to some comments on the anniversary ficlet already, but i really enjoyed writing keith in that because in HAW matthew's relationship with keith is kind of complicated and strained (his relationships with everyone are strained, lbr) in ways that i think are honestly pretty normal for a father-son relationship to be complicated even in a loving family, but the complications are so exacerbated by the headspace matthew is in. it was really nice in the ficlet to just get to be like, and here is keith loving his kid. i have a little headcanon that keith had some not-quite-out-but-not-quite-closeted teammates during his nhl days and at the time felt kind of weird about it, and it wasn't until matthew came out that he ever took the time to think about his own reaction and how he could be better/more helpful/more supportive than he was in the past. extremely typical "well this is affecting me directly now so i guess i need to think about it" reaction lmao. but he loves his kid. one day far in the future when the matthew/leon relationship is public knowledge he's going to say some very earnest things to the media about it, which matthew will find so embarrassing.

the thing is (and i think i also said this in response to a comment) that, yes, HAW was full of emotional turmoil and all that, but in my heart i am very much that austen quote about happy endings — "my characters shall have, after a little trouble, all that they desire." HAW!matthew and leon get to live happily ever after now. they will for sure have some bumps along the way but they did their time in the angst pit and now their problems will all be minor in the scheme of things.

... unless i think of some new horrors i want to put them through. but i don't foresee that happening right now. 😂 (that doesn't mean i won't continue to play in this universe, though, i love this universe.)

thank you again, anon!! 💖

[solarrene]

Home Again

Jason Todd X Plus Size reader

Jay doesn't know how to move those hips but he will move those thunder thighs and guns! I stand by it and you all should too. 🤨 Sickening, tooth rotting fluff, it's a damn feast. Everybody is just enjoying their time here in this chapter, honestly, and hope you guys will too!! ^^

!!! if you will, i recommend playing por uno cabeza by carlos gardel or easy virtue tango once the music plays on that part ((:

Chapter Ten

"To hell with it rather than drown in regret of not taking the risk of having to let yourself give in to your heart."

The Painter is Painting

Time was an enemy to him, like it always has been ever so often. It couldn't go on any faster. However early it was still, he felt as if he was on edge, dread filling him in so slowly but surely.

The sun was yet to set as he and Roy were almost done with their job, which meant he had nothing left to do after that, hence why dread was filling him more.  

"Have any plans for tonight?" Asked Roy while they were leaving the place they were just in.

Jason could only breathe out so bothersomely as he mounted his bike, "Yeah, and it ain't your business." Replied him, and put on his helmet before driving away. Roy did not believe that one bit.

"I'll drag your ass if I have to!" He heard Roy shouted behind him and Jason only scoffed.

While he drove to his place, on the road he sees a few people in their lavish cars dressed up greatly as well, no doubt they were headed to the one place he dreads so much of right now. He just tightly gripped his handles more and sped up the way.

He feels like a child, irritated at himself that he was stepping on the stairs too heavy as he felt that his whole body was too heavy as well. Never once that he felt so restless like he had been in those days since his problem, it was beginning to wear him out and he needed get out of it. But how could one even does so? That he was yet to know.

"With how you are right now over this just beginning, I know much that you want more."

Jason knows that, he didn't deny it then and he isn't denying it now. Though the only defiance left in him was would he let himself? Would he let her?

"Who could be able to stop what our heart longs for?"

He had no answer to that....because apparently as he figures....there isn't.

"No one, huh?" uttered he as he stood under the water more longer than he should.

.

.

.

So now as the sky had turn dark, after a bit of time that he spent in his bed, trying to sleep, tossing and turning around, thinking and thinking—he found himself staring at the clothes that Alfred had prepared for him. His stoic stare breaking into a scoff as he smirked and shook his head, almost annoyed at himself for choosing such a thing to do.

"I'm gonna regret this," said him, taking one last look at the attire before putting it on.

There he sees himself in the mirror, certainty in what he has decided. That whatever awaits him tonight, he shall find out of how he could get out of his traps.

"And here I was preparing myself to drag your ass." Roy's voice echoed in the apartment as he stepped in Jason's room, leaning besides the door with his arms crossed his chest and had a smug look.

Jason didn't pay him attention, unsurprised that he was already there. He went ahead of him out of his room, not before taking a one last glance of him in the mirror, a smirk tipping off his mouth again; unbelieving that he was willing to go in his father's affairs, let alone that was done for him....for her.

Surprisingly to him, that is, he was calm as they went on their way to the manor. Feeling that he's got a hold of himself.

But such certain feelings could only last for a while.

.

.

.

The party had already started an hour ago just as they arrived, the place lively with a lot of guests and the loud music. As he walked in the room, striding in with such ease, his eyes roamed for a moment until it landed on her—his feet almost stopped, almost. His walk turned slow as he took her in.

And there she was in his eyes, in all her glory. In she was in a red dress, tailored well to her body, and by well; meant too greatly. The tightness of the silk accented her curves, her round stomach and wide hips hugged tightly by the fabric, lines of it shown. The short corset that made her breasts more endowed—distracting, that is. The wide slit on the side that gave view to the thickness of her thigh, leaving no room for imagination.

Hell.

A sound was caught in his throat as her eyes found his, nothing could have prepared him for that. Though his breath hitched and he faltered, his gaze didn't, seeing the same look on her face, the same that he had; surprised. Until she broke it off, and glad he was.

"I need a drink," muttered him immediately as he got himself back, feeling that his heart was now beating out of its pace, he then went his way to the banquet.

"That's her?" How the hell he forgot that Roy was beside him?

Jason blinked, realizing that he was probably seen by what just passed. He said no reply, but kept walking, and got himself a drink, a strong one rather.

"She's been waiting for you." He recognized the voice of his brother—Dick stood beside him as he took a glass of champagne, though before Jason could comprehend that, Dick was already walking away. Jason's eyes followed him and he saw her again.

His eyes stayed on her longer this time and he wish he didn't. For what he saw made something turn in him; Y/N held his brother's hand and kissed his cheek. And now that he saw that, he remembered what he saw just earlier when he came in, she was smiling and laughing with Dick, their arms tacked together.

Jason sharply looked away and downed his drink in one go, the bitterness of the whiskey exceeded the little sweetness of it and left a burning feeling all over him.

What the fuck is wrong with me.

"Damn." Roy says, seriously as he was staring at Jason. He really had never seen his friend affected in a way that he was now.

Jason side glanced him, "Not a word," a threat, really. He looked at his empty glass, gripping it tightly, the strong taste of whiskey was still there. The flaring taste of it was not well to be mixed with his chest feeling heavier.

.....No way in hell...

Too early for me to be feeling like this....

Anticipation. Dread. Jealousy. It was all brewing in him. All the certainty he had earlier was immediately replaced to nothingness.

Jason fetched another glass again. Then he sees Bruce heading towards him, and just in time his drink was when his father arrived.

Great.

Just what I need.

"If you don't mind, I'll be having fun." Roy said, bidding goodbye when Bruce came, Jason could only roll his eyes.

Bruce stood beside him, Jason took a small shot of his drink before saying, "You must be damn glad I showed up."

Bruce's lips twitched a little, he was damn glad alright. "Well, aren't I always am when you do?" says him, dodging and catching the question at the same time.

Jason just eyed him before finishing his drink. As much as irritation was clearly in him, part of him was glad that he wasn't being asked of why he did come, because truthfully, now that he's seen her, he really wasn't so sure anymore. Maybe because he just wanted to see her.

So much for getting out of it.

"I know what I promised you but I don't think I can keep it anymore," Bruce said, even though it was a dejecting statement, there wasn't any of it in his voice. He doesn't want to.

I never expected any less.

Jason huffed, shaking his head, "Doesn't surprise me," he breathily says. As his eyes was forward, the familiar red figure came into his view, onto the dance floor was Y/N and now with Roy....That didn't surprise him either. 

Bruce followed his gaze, a small smile showing itself, "Jason...you can be happy," they stare at the two dancing, who had smiles on their faces. "I want that for you."

Who doesn't?

"Don't we all want that?"

Her glow was blinding, entranced he was by watching her sway, the noise fading behind. He went to figure out how to get himself out of his trap and yet there he was; caught, unmoving....trapped. Her very self was the trap.

Bruce looks at him, Jason had a deafening gaze that spoke a lot of words that he heard and understood. He smiled, putting a hand on his shoulder, "Take your time, but don't keep her waiting for too long."

"She's been waiting for you."

Shit.

That intimidated him too much. Nevertheless, when Bruce went away, Jason breathed out a chuckle as he was starting to see amusement in his dilemma, the constant frustration in him was beginning to wear down, slowly but it was something.

His eyes remained on her, the laugh of hers echoed loudly and her surprised face made it all the better. The bitter taste was fading as a smile was slowly showing.

-----------------

Surprisingly, Y/N managed to keep herself focused as she and Dick continued to talk, despite that there was the growing anticipation in her as Jason was now there, though she was sure if she continued to grip the flute more, it'll break.

"Grayson," a new voice was heard, breaking off her thoughts. Y/N recognizes the man that was with Jason earlier.

"Harper," Dick replied as he and Roy grip their hands together. This Harper guy looked at her, and she could swear that he almost had the same expression the family have been showing. With a smug smile, "Y/N __, you must be the beautiful woman that I heard who's been staying here. Name's Roy Harper." Sensing no discomfort as he held out his hand to her when she did as well, he took her knuckle to his lips.

Y/N let out a surprised sound, almost laughing, "My, and they say chivalry is dead," says her, taking her hand back, Dick just rolled his eyes. "And I suppose you're a friend of theirs? As it seems you all know how to sweep a person off their feet." She grinned and his smile got bigger.

"And no wonder why our boy Jason has lost himself already." Y/N let out a shocked face and Dick snickered

"Right about that," Dick replied and Y/N elbowed his side, glaring at him.

Roy held out his hand again to her, "Shall we dance?"

Y/N chuckled, taking his hand and he led themselves to the dance floor. "You didn't deny what I said," says Roy as they start to dance.

She furrowed her eyebrows before raising them, "If I said otherwise then, would you have believe so?"

He chuckled, nodding, "I wouldn't, given that I saw it first hand at how he is because of you."

Y/N suddenly gripped his hand tighter at his words, abashment never failing to get to her when it came to him, "There's our answer then."

Roy's lip quirked, feeling her falter. "And what about you?"

She glared at him for a second, annoyed that he was asking even though he seemed to knew of it already, but she still answered, "I can assure you that I feel for him much." Mentally, she smiled to herself at how she was being so agreeable with her feelings of him, time has only been moving like normal and yet how swift her glass was being filled willfully. She thinks that the odds were in her favor, luckily so.

"Isn't he a lucky man?"

Y/N smiled.

"I don't know about that....but I think I am lucky too."

Both of their words were true, at least so they thought.

"So tell me, what made you turn your eyes to him?" Asked Roy. If he wasn't gonna get it out from his friend, then maybe he could get it from the other end of his ordeal.

Y/N scoffed, "The apple seems to never fall far from the tree, no?"

Roy laughed, throwing his head back lightly. "Let me guess, you've find out how nosy they can be?"

Rolling her eyes, though she chuckled, "Yes, unfortunately, I did." Rather she not make herself remember it. Sighing a little, thinking of what to say, "...I don't know...I suppose...he just caught my eye at the beginning...then the next moment, I find myself always staring at him with my best interest, it got to the point where we....trifled...and here I am." Unaware of how gentle her voice became and that she had a distant but happy look, her eyes roaming as they swayed and him looking at her.

Roy's smug expression turned into a soft adoring one, one that he didn't usually make, one that got her heart always clenching. Nonetheless, he huffed, smiling, "Looks like you two are really in some serious shit, huh?" More than that, he thinks.

She laughed, nodding, "It appears we are," the smile couldn't be wiped off from her face.

"The smile you have is sickening, it's too much." He teased with eyebrows raised comically and she glared at him, though she kept laughing.

"Shut it, as if you're not enjoying it all."

"Believe me I am,"

She just rolled her eyes at him.

"But I think I speak for everyone here that you are the most sublime creature here tonight." Said him so seriously, it made her laugh in a disbelief way.

"My god, how many people have fallen for that one?"

"Unfortunately, none yet. Should I count you in?" She laughed loudly that it echoed and made some people look their way and she immediately collected herself with a surprised face, a hand flying to her mouth. 

A few minutes more of their dancing and laughing, the music ended and there they were walking back away from the dance floor. "Well, thank you for your time, Y/N, it's been fun." Says Roy, before reaching out to her hand and kissed it again, letting himself have too much enjoyment.

Y/N grinned, "You've had too much fun, actually," laughed her with raised eyebrows, much amused as he was.

"Can't blame me," he shrugged. Though he was just enjoying the fact that he was sure that his friend was watching them the whole time, nothing was more fun than that. "Give Jason hell." Roy smirked and winked as he started to go. She just laughed, shaking her head. Of course, he just had to remind her of the man. And just like that, the calmness in her that managed to show for a short time while she let herself forget that he was there, was gone. There was no question that it felt as if she dived deep in the water rather than swam back up to the surface.

Y/N sighed, starting to feel tired. Her eyes roamed, occupying herself until she caught a familiar figure at the end of the room besides the wide windows. On the brown with gold lines is a Roman pillar; was Jason's flowers.

She pursed her lips, smiling as she started to walk to it, taking a drink as a waiter passed by. Observing it once she was in front of it. The red and white roses, with bright yellow marigolds and dark red dahlias, it was still the same as before, though the end of the petals were drying.

Her mind flying back to the past days....fingers ghosted her lips, with closed eyes, she sees him.

And he sees her as well, his eyes on her flowers. Him being at the other end of the window. The pink peonies stood out from the white ones and the dark red dahlias. Another glass of whiskey in his hand, his fourth one to be exact, though the bitterness became nothing to him anymore, maybe the sweetness of it was weighing more this time, maybe it was because of the scent of the flowers that it makes him think of her.

Maybe that.

Y/N opened her eyes, finishing her drink. Sighing as she shakes her head, a little bit hopeless now, well that is until she found the eyes of the man that's been making her so, staring right through her.

Well, look at that.

Time has stopped as they walk to each other while their gazes continued, their lips slowly curving, with every step they take, their hearts went heavier.

She gripped her glass more as she takes in his appearance, red patterned vest, her lips twitched as she thought they could match with their attires. And all black then....all that she could think of is...beautiful.

Now in front of each other, "Hi." Breathless, as they said it the same time, smiles wide.

How pretty.

She had never seen him smile like that before, without any tease behind it but just so freely while looking at her.

Flustered again she was in his eyes, he had seen that look on her a few times, it still feels as new as even it was familiar, he could get used to it, though never.

"I thought you were gonna leave me hanging." Said her, they put their glasses away as a waiter passed by them.

How could I?

"You were waiting,"

How could I have not?

"I have. I am."

That they both knew.

The music that started playing was different from the rest, nevertheless, guests was still filling in the floor already. It must have been the alcohol, or he just chose to pin it as that for what he was about to do. He held out his hand to her, she looks at him with a questioning look but a little grin was forming, "Tango?" she asked, unsure.

"First time for everything," he urged, shrugging. He really could hit himself right now but the brightness in her eyes made him think otherwise.

Y/N let out a breath, nodding once before she held his hand. Biting the inside of her cheek as they head to the dance floor. "You scared?" Jason asked, he feels all of it from her, he couldn't blame her. "I am," replied her, seriously. "I am too." He admits, sliding his hand further to hers and tightened his grip once they took their place.

His other hand went from her waist, making her take a breath, to her upper back. "You're shaking," Says him, feeling her arms and fingers tremble. Y/N didn't say anything but chuckled breathlessly, the moment could possibly have her fainting so, how tight her dress was literally and how it kept feeling so as they were close, didn't help either.

"I'm here." Voice firm, assuring her. As much as he was scared as well, he didn't want her to be.

She nods, "You are." Still surreal it was to her as they took their first steps....for the both of them, really. 

"You lead me, I lead you." Jason said, though he was waiting for an answer even when they were now dancing, she only nodded.

Both of their right feet met each other when it shouldn't have, faltering, they laughed, "This is new to me," he mused. Though they made a mistake, their focus never left on themselves. "It's new to me too," she replied. A little bit of her fright leaving, untensing, "Let's figure it out together then."

Jason huffed, smirking, "Together." Glad that he was feeling her turn calm. And so together they did figure it out, with a few stumbles and blunders, shy laughs and smiles. It was just them. They almost could feel their jaws hurting from all their grin and laughing.

After they seemed to overcame their little hardships, they got the hang of it. The music still lively as ever, time still unmoving. They were in their own rhythm. "Never thought I'd be doing something like this," Jason voiced. He never did.

"Like what?"

He was here after all, and the moment was far too great, surreal, to let it pass by without any resolve. "Dance with a beautiful woman like those I read in the novels." Says him truthfully. Things were starting to become clear to him, after drinking enough of alcohol to make him swirl, he had never felt this sober.

Y/N was surprised to say the least, she didn't expect that from him, but it was something....something for her to bite into, almost an invitation. "Why, Mister Todd, you flatter me so." And really, she could say the same. She had never felt this so....desirable.

Jason's lips curved, it seemed that their usual dance had began. "I only say the truth, miss." Divine was her through his eyes; if he was struck the first moment he saw her tonight while still far away, he was nothing more than it, now that he stood so close to her. His hands that tried its best not to tremble all the while it traveled to her body, he didn't know whether to be grateful by the type of music that they danced to, as it gave access to how they were gonna be with each other. His one hand that slid from her stomach to her waist and now to her thigh—hoisting it up to his thigh, how she felt even more softer than she looked. He could feel his throat dry. Maybe he was actually grateful.

"Well, dare I say you are ravishing tonight."

"Only tonight?" He challenged, tilting his head to her.

She scoffed, laughing, yet she didn't back down from his challenge. "Must you know, good sir, I have always seen you...lovely." Finally saying one of her truths to him. Though it's as if another had gone away from the weight she'd been carrying, it only made her heart more heavier as she now realized...confessed to him.

Now that was a word he never thought of ,yet again to collorate to him, let alone to come from someone he had been enamored with. "Then I shall say you have been leaving me wordless." That would be the word....almost everytime she'd appear in front of him, in his mind, he could have nothing to say.

"Have I now?" Challenged her this time.

"Yes."

"Tell me so."

"I'm someone who always have to say something, can't keep his mouth shut...but when it comes to you....nothing, nothing..." He stated, ending the two words softly, catching her surprised look but now turning gentle—even though that reaction from her was new to him, it still felt familiar, the only difference to it was....maybe because of why she did so; a truth from him. And honestly....he loved, liked it, so he figured maybe he could put his time of readings to good use. "....With nothing but only your words, your delicate gaze, your fiery wit, your mere touches, you have left me aching." Unveiled him, voice almost hoarse that could only be the cause of alcohol, ragged breaths and his heart thumping so loud.

And there it was, the thinning restraints they have of themselves, just snapping—gone. It looked like that they've decided to leave their regrets tonight.

She opened her mouth but nothing came out, only a smile, caught off guard again. But once they faced each other again, "I think your readings have paid off well, do you think not?"

To say that it was worth it, was an understatement "Dare I agree....and what of you?"

"Mr. Todd, what you ask of me, I hope you have the heart to hear it."

For what he was asking was something to not turn away from so easily. A path that continues so unsure.

"Who could be able to stop what our heart longs for?"

Not missing a beat, "You have it."

His gaze so serious made her breath hitched for how many times, she didn't know anymore, "You have been plaguing me since I saw how soft your smile can be when you smiled at me across the dining table. Your voice haunts me like ghosts. You have been leaving me nothing but weak." Vowed Y/N, her voice clear but it was shaky. Their movements were slowing down, though the music was still playing—Jason slid his arm to her waist, pulling her even closer, the other still clasped to hers and now they stood still amidst the others that were still dancing.

Wordless he was again, he just looked at her, they just gazed at each other. She waited for anything but she heard nothing, all she saw was the same longing she had but she was still waiting, so she spoke, "I'm afraid this is all what we have right now as our dance ends tonight." Said her, softly pulling away from his grasp.

Without a thought, Jason held her back before she can fully got away from his hold, he almost smirked when he heard a little gasp from her as her body snapped to his. He clasped their hands together again, quite amusing to him how her fingers were freezing but all of her was heated, that he feels as he snaked his arm around her waist. Both their chest was heaving up and down, their breaths and scents from each other mixing together; the strong scent of whiskey and musk from him, the bright citrus tang of champagne and flowery fragrance from her. It was more than enough for them to be light headed by all of it.

Lost they were in each other's eyes, searching for something....anything, but it was all there, they've always been and they were always seen. So he took a leap, he closed his eyes while leaning to her, she did the same and their foreheads met. From all of its pounding against each other, their hearts could almost beat as one.

No vexation left in him anymore....only fear of what's to come.

Indeed it was a first time for everything.

The final note had played and a few claps was made. They fluttered their eyes open, their breathing now calmed down. Their expressions ever so serious yet gentle, it makes their lips curve slowly.

With trembling hands still, she held both of his hands and brought it to her lips, kissing it so gently but firmly that it left a mark—Jason was left drier than he already was. Uttering a short and deep breath, she turned her eyes up to him, "...I'll be waiting."

As she finally was free from his vicinity, it took all her strength for her legs to not give up and just collapse down.

Oh god, what now?

Whatever that she hoped was exceeded far greater, and of course, unprepared from it. Overwhelming. Walking through amidst the crowd, she was getting dizzy, her breath getting ragged again—she needed to get away. With the try to maintain her composure, a hand on her forehead and on her stomach as she made her way out from the room.

Now I've really fucking done it.

.

.

.

Such scene that unraveled in front of them. Their eyes couldn't be more in awe, smiles couldn't be more fonder.

What bliss.

"Well," Alfred began, a little bit breathless, watching the two made him so, the few of them to be exact. "That was certainly enticing." Said him, though he didn't expect something like it, he never expected less as well—he had that unwavering hope in him after all. "Very clever of you to suggest that tango music, Master Richard." He continued, acknowledging what the said man did; snapping his fingers as the idea came to his mind and immediately walked to the musician to ask of the music once he saw them finally together, that is.

And Dick felt so proud of that one. "I know," he laughed. Happy that all their little mischief were paying off.

"Did you know that he could dance that?" Bruce asked with a strained expression.

Of course he had to be that. Alfred shakes his head, lightly chuckling, "We're all a little surprised as well, Master Bruce." Alfred tells and they agreed.

It was surely something to watch Jason struggle to move, to see him lost composure, shy, faltering but more than that, smiling and laughing so freely. And even more, actually getting the hang of the music and how nicely he danced with her.

The second Y/N was out of the room, Jason moved as well, though it looked like he knew nowhere to go. Alfred smiled, and walked to him. "Must you know, she hasn't eaten yet and I'm sure after all of that, she's hungry," he said.

Jason stopped, his eyes on the ground, taking a second. If it weren't for him, he wouldn't be where he is now, and surely, he'd be lost again right now. He puffed out a breath, smiling a little, "....Thanks, Al," and he patted Alfred's shoulder.

Alfred sighed with a smile that never left his face as he watched the boy walked away 

.

.

.

"'I'll be waiting.' What does that even mean?" Y/N speaks to herself, she rolled her eyes and sighed, feeling more restless. They both know exactly what it meant, they do. She supposed that it was because of the high she was feeling earlier that just got her questioning herself so.

She laid her hands on her waist, breathing out as she was now at the door of the library. The room was dark but lighted upon by the fireplace, candles, and small lights—the curtains of the window wide opened. It makes her recall of that night where they were together. She scoffed, leaning her head on the side of the doorway, how the memory was so clear that she can still see it in front of her very eyes.

Y/N walks in and headed to the book shelves, hoping to find what she was looking for, and with no hassle to it, she found it. She smiled, looking at the book she held, and then off she go again.

There she was in the garden, sitting on the bench made of stone, eyes to the sky. The cold air and quiet, darkness of the night was a great contrast back to where the party was, it eases her nerves, though the never ending of anticipation she feels was still there.

......Where do I even begin?

She closes her eyes, reeling in the cold wind, thinking of everything.

They've done it, spoke of their truths. It seemed easier more than they thought....only because that they were together in it. She opened her eyes back to the sky full of stars, breathing out, ".....You'd be so happy to know of this," she spoke to her mother. Any other time she would've been raving to her mother about her situation; she would have gushed like a child of how magical their dance was. Like a friend to another, she would have squealed of how he looked at her, how he touched her, how weak it made her so, how it made her so happy again. But that was it. "You'd be so happy."

Bruce's efforts didn't go to waste after all, she smirked, shaking her head.

Though her little breather was interrupted.

"Yo-" A loud shriek came out from her when she heard someone behind her, recognizing the voice, it was Jason. With unsteady feet, she stood up and faced him, "What is wrong with you?" She hissed, glaring at him, even more so at the way he was chuckling, then her eyes flickered to his hands where he was holding a few things.

Jason honestly didn't want to scare her, knowing how she was but he figured that there was no way she couldn't be surprised or frightened with any way he could announce himself, so he thought to let it happen this time—relishing it, by the way. He pursed his lips, biting down hard to not smile but a rumble was making out of his chest, seeing her truly irritated this time. "Sorry," said him, he really meant it but still he didn't stop his grin then. "I brought cake and wine." He followed, showing the things he held.

Y/N squinted her eyes at him, if her heart wasn't already racing from her fright, it could have did so solely because of what he was offering—though it contributed more to making her falter again. "You're not forgiven." She says, sitting back down again and he sat down beside her, placing the plate of cake with two forks, two wine glasses and the bottle of wine beside them.

Before he could say something, her stomach rumbled and he threw his head back, laughing. Y/N slapped his shoulder, grumbling a few words, hitting her that she hadn't even eaten anything yet. "This is your fault, you've made me too antsy to even eat," she blurted out. She bit her tongue, realizing that she should have kept that to herself.

Jason smirked as he took the wine and opened it easily, "Then I guess, it's only right of you to eat this with me," he filled their glasses and held out a fork to her after. She looked at him skeptically before sighing and took the fork, giving up.

There they were again, eating together under the bright of the night. Hearts couldn't be fuller.

When Y/N went away earlier, Jason only had one thing in his mind then; he was not gonna let her go again, not when he had hold her, not when they were finally so close to a beginning.

So there he was....choosing to let her....to let himself. Finally...finally, the weight that was weighing him down restless had began to fade.

Jason looked at Y/N, her looking up at the sky with the fork in her mouth, it made him smile—then his eyes found the book in her lap. He raised his eyebrows, "Nice book you got there," he chuckled, she rolled her eyes, expecting that she was gonna get called out by it. It was Pride and Prejudice, the book that he was reading that night in the library, rereading, that is.

Y/N had the intention of reading it and yet again, her plan was changed. And she couldn't complain again.....a part of her was expecting that their time they had tonight wasn't just the dance anyway. Having an idea, she put her fork down and drank from her glass. Then she held the book and looked at him, "Close your eyes." Asked her, he looks at her questioningly but he laid down his glass and followed what she said, a small smile still ghosting his lips. Y/N couldn't stop the smile that was quivering to show as he did so, flustered that he followed so easily.

She opened the book, finding the page of the passage she wanted to read. There she found it, almost starting to read it, she was suddenly interrupted by the touch on her hand—her breath hitched as she eyes his hand locking into hers. She looks at him with wide eyes but his was still closed, smiling still, then she looks at their hands again and they were now clasped—she didn't even realize her fingers was moving then.

With the breathing she tried to steady, she tried to focus on her reading. "......As for Elizabeth, her thoughts were at Pemberley this evening more than the last; and the evening...." she began. The banging in her chest was feral, she traced his hand as to soothe her raging self.

Though that made the other rage more. He wanted to hold her hand again, so he did, and damn it all....there were no questions in him when he did.

Jason didn't know how it to be possible, at the time he heard her voice, taking it in, all the while he feels everything around him; the cold wind, the distant sound of the music, his thumping heart, the warmth of her hand, her tracing his hand. He felt it all. Such bliss in their moment, how new it was to him and how he longed for it more, how he know he wouldn't be able to get enough of it now that he's felt it, how there was so much fear in it and yet, he was so sure to agree with it all. Maybe he didn't know where to start next but despite there was fear, he was never the one to back down from going to the uncharted waters.

"And how far it would be for the happiness of both that she should employ the power, which her fancy told her she still possessed, of bringing on the renewal of his addresses...." Y/N finished, she sighed as she closed the book.

Jason opened his eyes and turned to her, she was looking down, though he sees her smile. Maybe he wasn't cruel as he thought he was as he could revel at the sight. Then to both their demise, he let go of her hand as he took off his coat and placed it around her—the wind turning colder.

Y/N bit the inside of her cheek as she looks at him, this made him raise his one brow at him. She laughs, shaking her head, "Nothing....you're just pretty," saying it with no remorse or tease, thinking of how great his clothes looked on him; his black polo that showed his sculpted build and the vest that did even more wonder.

Jason huffed, dismissing her remark, though he couldn't deny that he liked it. Then he breathes, "You're even more."

He really could never be used to that expression.

"You're still not forgiven." Said her, scoffing.

His lips curved, thinking and then he remembered of something. "You say that you are at my command....so then  I shall say that I am nothing but at your mercy."

Y/N laughed in disbelief but she was so much in awe, their never ending trifling always laced with sincerity. "My....I think those classics may have done us too well, wouldn't you agree?"

"Might as well take advantage of it," he shrugged and she laughed loudly, it made him grin.

He gazed at her laughing freely, feeling the courage that was already in him before continue to rise, a new found vigor as he held up his hand to her face softly when she calmed down. He laid his hand on her cheek, making her look at him, her lips parting slighlty, how red they were was too tempting. She admired his eyes, how lovely the blue was gleaming against the faint light. They both leaned in with closed eyes, foreheads against each other again, then he kissed hers.

"Am I forgiven?" Asked him, their faces still close to each other.

She glared at him, "How sneaky....you're forgiven."

It was him this time that laughed loudly.

He got his answer after all.....her.

Whatever awaited them next could wait as for now they let their selves bask in the bliss of their night. As for now they downed their wine.

A flavor that they sure always to look for.

💌🖋️:

I clutched this so hard, last night

Happy Holidays!! 🎀✨🎄 I suppose this can count as an early Christmas present as this is the last chapter for this month. I'll be taking a break from writing this work, but rest assured that I'll be back and will finish the story. Though it'll only be a short break since I plan to upload the next updates in the late of January or early of February.

as always, criticisms are welcome and other comments are much appreciated ^^ take care and enjoy the holidays!! these dumb shits will return 😁 thank you for reading!! ^^ 💗

[superfluouskeys]

ASKS hmmmmmmmm 5 / 8 / 20 ?

👀👀👀

I just need to say I love that these eye emojis are coming into my house sdkjnfjnkfknjf they're so big and for WHAT tumblr LOL! Saving 5 for the end so I can readmore the snippet!

8. Is there a story idea in your mental vault that you’ve never been brave enough to try writing? Is this the year? Can you tell us about it?

kjndfsnjkdfsknjfsd literally the only things I'm weird about writing are smut ideas okay!!! and they're not even that weird it's me i'm the problem!!!!!!!!! So idk, the LiandrinxReader fic will probably be a nice challenge for me on that front, and who knows, maybe this is the year the Hawkedith light bondage fic sees the light of day. oh actually you know what for a non-smut idea I've always wanted to do a tropey time travel fic! but i think i would make myself insane LOL. maybe this will be the year!!!

20. Any plans to work on original fiction this year?

OHOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! It's honestly so hard to choose and prioritize what to work on!!! I have 2 big original ideas, both of which I have rambled at you about extensively LOL. I think I can make a good chunk of progress on the nano nonsense fic this year, since the style is pretty firmly in my wheelhouse and I have a pretty strong idea of the main plot through-line. We'll see how I'm feeling, but I think once I get a few of my lingering fanfic projects done I'll be ready to focus on my original things again! Month-long challenges like nano actually work really well for me when I can manage them, so I might try to do something like that eventually to make some significant progress!

5. Which WIP is first on your list to complete this year? Will you post a snippet?

Again, it's soooooo hard to choose and prioritize!!! Scorched earth is in general my top priority because I just don't want to drag it out too long--before the most recent time my schoolwork beat me to death w a stick I was under the delusion that I could have it almost finished by the new year LOL! But since it's fairly simple in structure and I have it pretty clearly planned out, I mostly write chapters in one or two sittings. Second priority is advancing/finishing ghost of you, since the next chapter is literally almost done, I just got too busy to work on it. But instead I shall offer youuuuu Liandrin x Reader nonsense! It is once again a long snippet because I cannot just be normal.

--

You heard a lot about Liandrin Sedai during your first year or two as a Novice.  There was a rumor, never confirmed but nonetheless ubiquitous, that a Novice had died under Liandrin’s tutelage not long before you had arrived.  As a result, she was no longer permitted to teach Novices.  Furthermore, it was suggested, Novices would do well to avoid her.  Reasons for this varied somewhat, from ‘lest they remind her of her very recent tragedy’ to ‘lest they become the next unwitting targets of her deadly ire.’

You’re sure you never saw her in all that time, though, and eventually you heard the story repeated less and less, only really trotted out when new students arrived to the White Tower.  You learned later that Liandrin had left the Tower for a long while after the incident of legend.  It’s common for sisters of the Red Ajah to take extended leave, and the unfortunate fate of the Novice in question had certainly not impeded her ability to perform the functions for which she is best-suited.

You have also learned since then that for every extended absence, there is a corresponding extended stay in the Tower, particularly for the powerful and influential.  Liandrin is quite popular, if perhaps controversial in some circles, and it has thus been impressed upon her how very much her talents are needed within these walls for the foreseeable future.

Nevertheless, you are nothing short of shocked to see her perched atop the teacher’s desk when you arrive for your afternoon lesson.  You glance out the window, perhaps to catch a glimpse of the dire emergency that must have incapacitated so many Aes Sedai that Liandrin has been deemed a suitable substitute.

Liandrin is technically allowed to teach Accepted students.  Technically.

Liandrin herself looks about as pleased as any of the Accepted.  She pays you no mind as you enter, her piercing gaze fixed on some imagined point on the far wall.  Her arms are folded, her lips are pursed, and it looks like she’s biting the inside of her cheek.  Given her storied reputation, this understandably puts most of the students ill at ease.

“No need to trickle in,” she says, so sharply that you notice a few students flinch.  “You’re all in the right place, I should think.  I am Liandrin Sedai, and I will be overseeing your practice for the afternoon.”

She says all of this as though each word causes her great distress, gaze still fixed somewhere above the students’ heads.

“I am unaccustomed to teaching, and it’s been a long while since I was Accepted, so you will have to forgive me my unfamiliarity,” she continues, but gives absolutely no impression that she is asking forgiveness for anything.  “Adeline Sedai was not generous enough to inform me which weaves you are currently studying.  Would anyone be so kind as to enlighten me?”

The room falls eerily silent.  You cast a surreptitious glance toward Briallyn, who is usually the sort to raise her hand at any opportunity.  She is gazing at Liandrin like she is something inhuman and incomprehensible.

You swallow your nerves and raise your hand.

Liandrin turns her head sharply.  “Yes?”

“Weaving Spirit,” you say, although your voice falters under her exacting gaze.

“Weaving Spirit,” she echoes with a mocking lilt, inclining her head and smiling with false sweetness.  “Could our esteemed little sister perhaps narrow it down, just a bit?”

You feel your cheeks flush hot.  “The basics, I mean,” you stammer.  “Just starting.”

Liandrin scoffs.  “I suppose I should have known better than to expect anything more than that,” she says with a theatrical sigh.  “What was our dear Adeline Sedai having you do, just…” she waves vaguely, “pick at threads of Spirit out of nowhere?  No direction, no purpose?  No wonder it’s taking so long.”

She points at you, and you nearly startle out of your skin.  “Come forward.  Since you’ve been kind enough to volunteer.”

You can hear a low whisper of fear starting up around you as you obey her command, feel the eyes of your fellow Accepted upon you although you keep your head bowed low.  You are shy and unused to this kind of attention.  You can feel your face flushing all the way up to your ears.

Liandrin is perfectly average in stature, yet somehow seems to tower over you through her presence alone.  She ducks her head to catch you eye, and now her subtle smile bears no tinge of mockery.  “Look,” she bids you, gesturing out toward the classroom.

You attempt, quite unsuccessfully, to swallow down your embarrassment.  You look.

“Your classmates are afraid of me,” Liandrin observes, with the kind of neutrality one expects of a particularly uninteresting weather forecast.  “No doubt you’ve all heard stories about me.  Or, should I say, one in particular?”

You glance surreptitiously in Liandrin’s direction.  Her eyes are alight with cruel amusement.  She is enjoying this.  She leans in toward the class, as though to share a secret.  “Let me assure you that what you’ve heard…is absolutely true.”

The whole class visibly recoils, and the frightened whispers culminate in horrified gasps, followed by a deafening silence.

“Look at your classmates,” says Liandrin.  “The same way you would look for threads of fire or water.  Look for their fear.”

A part of you considers that you can see their fear perfectly well without looking very closely at all.  Another part of you is preoccupied with the way Liandrin’s eyes light up watching people recoil from her.  But you know from experience that Liandrin has very little patience, and she will not be pleased if she has to repeat herself.

You tear your eyes away from Liandrin and look, focusing on the class as a whole rather than trying to stare at any one person.  You squint and tilt your head, think of the frightened whispers and all the different versions of Liandrin’s story you have heard repeated over the years.  Some of your classmates are much younger than you, and their precocious talents allowed them to graduate to the rank of Accepted sooner than most.  They must have heard the story of the Novice who died under Liandrin Sedai’s tutelage very recently, and they do not have the benefit of experience to tell them that Liandrin means them no actual harm.

You think you start to see it then, something red and wrong hanging about them, brighter in some places than in others.  On instinct you reach out to pull at the threads.

You are not a talented channeler.  Threads do not respond well or quickly to your beckoning.  But the threads do come to you, slowly, and in this aspect alone, Liandrin is endlessly patient.

“A useful trick, to draw upon strong emotion,” says Liandrin.  Her words are for the benefit of the class, but she speaks quietly, and she is standing close enough to you that her voice makes you shiver.  “Spirit is that which is not strictly tangible, and yet you can feel it, can’t you, when there is a room full to the brim with terror?”

You can see the change in some students then, the ones who understand that this was, at least in part, a play upon their emotions in an unusual effort to educate.  You see the shift not in their faces but in the threads you are attempting to weave, a subtle change in the color and shape as fear gives way to confusion, or brightens into excitement.

You can’t help but wonder what others see, when they look at the color and shape of your own emotions.

New Year Fanfic Asks!

[cutekittenlady]

Tumblr Plays Pokemon White 2 - Part 8

((So i actually had to go back and fight a bunch of trainers to get money for more pokeballs to try and catch pokemon with.))

Well hanging out in the lot was a lot of fun but now I think I'll head back down into the sewers and get to the pokemon center. I need to prepare.

Yeah I think he's feeling a little... frustrated. Look its this whole revenge thing, I don't really wanna get into it.

Iris then asks what I'm going to do now, and honestly? While I'm aiming to fight in the gym I think I need to train some first. Get a gas mask, complete a bit more of the pokdedex. Yada yada.

Also I'm actually nearly out of the pokeballs. I've only got, like, four. And three of those I dont wanna use yet.

Guess that means one thing. I gotta fight some trainers for cash.

I start in the sewers. I opt to not use healing items like potions. I'd rather not spend money trying to buy more so instead my team and I are just going to have the train the difficult way by healing at the pokemon center for free. Once we have enough money and balls saved up we can try to fill out more of the pokedex.

Besides I wanna make sure I'm strong enough to beat Burgh and this as good of an excuse as any to train up.

I actually try to avoid most of the wild pokemon, saving up our energy for the trianers.

Turns out one of the trainers I beat is a doctor so i was able to get my pokemon healed up! And immediately after that I found a scientist who gave me a super potion! Dang things are looking up! I found a few items in the sewer I might be able use or sell as well.

Place still reeks though.

Getting curious I choose to check out that gaping hole in the sewers and find myself in a cave system (relic passage) rather than explore further I opt to leave it alone for now and return later.

((I actually completely forgot about Relic passage when making the poll. XD I think I'll include it amongst the potential places to catch mons after we get our eevee encounter once we get enough money for more pokeballs.))

AAAnd that rare bone I found in the sewer sold for fifty bucks

NICE

And I spend ALL my money on great balls. I decide it'll be a good idea to head to that little hidden park to start some training.

I wonder around in the grass a bit and run into an Eevee. A friggin EEVEE! A wild one! I can't believe this! Those are insanely rare in Unova!

EVERY trainer wants an eevee!

Bentley! Aries! Do NOT screw this up!

I swap Bentley out for Molly both to take down Petilil sooner, and to avoid Bentleys old habits from kicking in.

Don't look at me like that Bentley you know what you did!

After that it was a matter of being insanely cautious with the damage.

Once I got eevee down to a reasonable health level I decided that now, now was the time to use that Ultra ball I was given back in Aspertia.

Ultra ball dont fail me now!

I select.

I throw.

aaaaaand

Eevee on the team!!!

Ohhhhh he is just so CUTE!

What shall I name him? I mean he was the first pokemon in this whole thing to win, more or less, by a massive landslide. So I feel like I should incorporate that in the name.

I asked my sister what I should name this Eevee and she suggest Pollemachus in reference to him winning the poll. That sounded werid so I was considering Champ but while we were discussing it and even seeing if Pollemachus would fit into the pokemon nickname section (it did not) we wound up coming across the name Pollux. Which apparently means "very sweet" some sources claimed it also meant "crown"? I'm not sure but given this pokemon by a Poll that was absolutely no contest I think it only seems right to give him a name in reference to it.

So after a LOT of debate the little Eevees name became Polux.

And now for the moment of truth.

The nature check.

I spent so much time looking for this Eevee. I can only hope the pokmeon challenge gods look favorably upon me.

Okay

Bentley. Quiet Nature.

Aries. Hasty Nature.

Molly. Hardy Nature.

Polux.

...

DOCILE NATURE

YES.

Now of course Polux is gonna need training but I think I may be okay to challenge the bug type gym!

There will be a set of new polls soon!

[smokeybrandreviews]

Faerie Tales

I am in full Fate/Grand Order mode right now and it's paying off nicely. I think. It's an odd thing to juggle three mobile titles (FGO, Azur Lane, and Ever Crisis), Baldur's gate 3, Persona 3 Reload, and my millionth run at Mass Effect Legendary. I got too many games on my plate right now. I feel like i should pull back on something but, at the same time, nah? Like, P3R is my sh*t and i am absolutely in love with BG3. I dunno, maybe I'll reassess eventually but my crippling gaming addiction has only a nebulous effect on my choice to continue grinding through the admittedly frustrating and horrifically pay-walled world of the Grand Orders. I do it because i shill hard for Nasu and have for actual decades. Plus, some of the stories are really cool. F*cking Avalon le Fae was peak Type Moon and i cannot wait until the Dragon Slayer money runs out so they have UFOtable animate that sh*t. Interestingly enough, the Faeries are kind of why I'm even writing this update.

Yo, i popped Barghest! Tam Lin Gawain is easily my favorite of the Faerie Knights. I mean, Melusine is but Barghest is definitely right there with her. Of the newer Servants released since i lost my first account, She ranks right up there in the top ten. Actually, i think she was number nine. Albion was number one, but making it into that top ten is a feat in of itself. Dozens of dope ass servants were added in my years long hiatus and the Black Dog made it to the top of the top. It just kind of blows she's a Saber. I'm lousy with Sabers. A good portion of my Five-Stars are Sabers. Like, i already have Mordred, she will NEVER leave my party, and Artoria. They are powerhouses in their own right but i also have Okita and Altera as back up. That's four Five-Star Sabers. Where the f*ck does my Hellhound even fit? Still, i am mad hype to pop her off the Artoria Caster Banner, because i did it with some bullsh*t Summon Tickets! Pretty sure i got Artoria doing that, too, but that's not why I'm happy.

You see, that Caster Banner is part of the Twenty Million Downloads campaign. Also [art of that, are two special summon tickets, one for a Four-Star Craft Essence and the other for a Four-Star Servant. I was going to use that ticket on Barghest, even though i already have a ton of Sabers. That's how much i like the character. Popping her off that banner allows me to choose a different Servant now, one that i actually need. I have one Avenger and it's Hessian Lobo. That guy sucks. I mean, it's fine, but it ain't Demon Nobu. However, there is another Four-Star Avenger who i had on my old account. An Avenger that happens to be a Medusaface, and we all know how much of a sucker i am for Medusa. Not only did i get a Barghest on one of the most improbable ways possible, but i was able to outright choose Gorgon! I was able to secure a much need Avenger option AND the Black Dog I've wanted since Avalon was released! Honestly, I wish I had one more of those free tickets. I'm set on Gorgon, for sure, but Lancer Artoria Alter is an option, too, and she's kind of my favorite Artoria. There's just something about an Alter which really does it for me.

I'm actually really very pleased with this account right now. Sucks I'm still missing a ton of Servants that i want, but progress is being made. I mentioned in my last update i was able to finally acquire Anastasia but, since then, I've also added Ivan the Terrible, Anne Bonny and Marie Reed, Assassin Okita, and Lakshmibai. These are all solid additions, even though they aren't necessarily Servants i would personally choose for myself. I mean, Ivan is, that gigantic motherf*cker is a powerhouse, but considering i don't run at FGO Banners like i do Azur Lane ones, the fact that i have any Five-Stars is kind of a blessing. Obviously, my Mordred is coming along nicely. I've been able to both unlock and max out her second Append Skill, while grinding away at the monumental task of getting that eleventh Bond Level. Right now, that's the current quest. Oh, somehow, i was able to naturally roll a second Mordred so she's got a level two Noble Phantasm now. Just three to go! I'm just chipping away, man. Slowly but surely, I'll have my max Mordred.

[fanfiction-artist-prototype]

20 questions for writers, tagged by @aobawilliams

how many works do you have on ao3? 76!! If i hadn't purged a few a couple years ago (and they truly were ones that needed to be gone forever and i feel no guilt bc they all had like 3 views and i think they were all mine tbh.) it'd probably be nearly 200 by now.

what's your total ao3 word count? 1,126,631... hm. Maybe i have a problem? nah. I'm sure it's fine.

What fandoms do you write for? My Hero Acadamia; Trash of the Count's Family; Person 5; Batman; Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild; Danny Phantom; Justice League; Miraculous Ladybug; Fire Emblem: Three Houses; SK8 the Infinity; Megamind; Kiss the Abyss; White Collar; Dio Field; Scum Villain Self-saving System

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 1) The old bait and switch 2) Uncle John 3) #NewestWayne is trending 4) Blood Stains the skin red 5) Rooks and Bishops don't get to choose their moves

Do you respond to comments? why/why not? I do occasionally. I guess it depends on what kind of comment it is? If it's a 'More!' or 'Update?' comment i just ignore it. I also tend to leave like emoji comments on their own bc honestly like thank you for giving me an emoji but i am a bit lost as to what I'm exactly meant to respond with you know? Longer comments or compound sentence comments are the ones i tend to respond to purely because there tends to be something to respond to!

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Oh god... uh. I had to have a quick glance and... i don't really know? There's a few options okay! You have 'Fine, I'll do it Myself' as a strong contender because of the whole 'the person you most love is trapped an entire universe away and you have to wait years to see him again' vibe going on. There's 'Blood Stains the Skin red' because it's literally about what if shit was even more fucked than canon and Midoriya had blood in his hands. Oh! Or "We Don't Remember a Boat in a Bottle" which damn... forget how angsty that one was ngl. I mean there's also 'Group hug' where the champions reunite post BOTW only for Link to die in their arms... (These are the especially angsty ones like the question asked bc honestly... most of my fics are angsty.. hehe.)

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Between 'well then...' and 'This is Love' both Trash of the count's family fics. Well Then is a strong contender because it's just a silly little 'identity reveal is so misconstrued everyone thinks there's *so* much angst and the protag is just vibing. like cale literally starts having a canon-typical spiral bc he thinks people are trying to intimidate him and it's kike a 17 year old being like 'im telling my adopted dad/adopted big brother about all the fun me and my younger siblings have had!' And 'This is Love' is still in progress but each chapter end is a comedy so ya know.

Do you get hate on fics? I used to. I don't really clean my fics up all that well since i tend to miss things so i just stopped and the only times i ever tried to get a beta i got blew off so.. Anyway. I used to get shit and told my work was so horrendous that I was lying about english being my first language. Even looking back at it now it's horseshit that it was 'that bad' bc it really wasn't. I also got this one guy who got really pressed because he didn't have the reading comp to see the tags 'canon divergence' and 'crack treated seriously' and then understand why the characters in the fic weren't acting canon compliant.

Do you write smut? if so, what kind? I do, kind of? Like I've written something that *I* would class as smut but it's not like *full on* explicit descriptions of stuff so it is smut but not in the way people would probably normally think? It's my fic 'pretty boy' and im not even going to lie it was my excuse to write a praise kink fic for Cloeph/Cale.

Do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one? OH DO I. I don't publish nearly as many crossovers as I used to. When I had a wattpad that bitch was almost nothing BUT crossovers. I've written: Ass Class/OHSHC, Ass Class/BNHA, DC/MLB. Those are my tame ones. I have 2 in the works and i think they fit the 'craziest crossovers you've written.' They are: Scum Villain/Trash of the Counts family (aka woke up as a scum villain show down) and Persona 5/BNHA (aka i make Akechi's life so much worse)

have you ever had a fic stolen? Yeah, I had one of my Miraculous Ladybug fics stolen, but i contacted AO3 and it got taken down.

have you ever had a fic translated? No, not with my permission at least. I've had a few people as permission that I've given but they haven't been uploaded so. I have a rule that if it's translated i'd like it to stay on ao3 and unfortunately not a lot of the people interested in translating my fics want to translate them on the archive so i've said no a bunch of times.

have you ever co-written a fic? Yep. A friend-insert fic from when i was 12 with my friend cookie on wattpad. Alas, it is lost to time.

what's your all-time fave ship? There is not a singular answer to this so imma pass-

what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will? All of them. But probably my Persona 5/BNHA crossover. Like I really want to write it but every time i open the document i just sit there like 'eugh.'

what are your writing strengths? According to my creative writing class leader, it's my descriptions and suspense build ups.

writing weaknesses? Again, according to my class leader, it's my inability to resist telling rather than showing. Also I sometimes make my sentences too long, when i could cut them shorter.

thoughts on writing dialogue in another language? It depends? For example if it's something that *absolutely* must be there - for example if I was to write a Percy Jackson fanfic and some exchange in the book was in broken greek/english then YES, but if its not something like that then no i just slap the text in italics and make sure it's obvious somewhere in text a non-english language is being spoken.

first fandom you wrote for? Batman. Self insert fan fic.

fave fic you've ever written?

Ooh..mm.

So. Proper hard question here because like how am i supposed to choose ya know?

It comes down to though, when im pushed to answer, probably 'the old bait and switch'.

I wrote that bitch in the car to high school and between revising for exams so it holds a special place in my heart.

---

Tagging...........

@gremlin-bot , @grubus (hope its okay to tag you), @salaapaoo and @vveirdnobdy