#i'm handling it but handling it and navigating Horrors and also other things doesn't leave you with much spare breathing room i gotta say

[pochapal]

they should invent a phd that doesn't have numerous pressing deadlines. just for me. <3

[not-poignant]

I've a bit of a vague question: How do you decide how much detail to go into when it comes to formative traumas for your characters, and particularly past sexual traumas and similarly loaded topics? I don't mind highly detailed, dramatic pasts (à la Doctrine of Labyrinths), though I know some people find overwhelmingly dark pasts trite and difficult to engage with ("grimdark" or "misery porn" - not terms I agree with), but in my own writing I tend to imply rather than state past horrors. 1/2

2/2 It's difficult to find the balance; obviously leaving too many things unsaid renders the story vague and not very compelling, whereas being too detailed alienates readers too. Of course there's ways to explore trauma which don't feel gratuitous or exploitative, but I think there's a knee-jerk impulse to dismiss certain media for the blatancy of their content alone regardless of how that's handled in-universe. How do you navigate this and settle on content which feels right for your stories?

*

Hi anon! At first when I was thinking of how to reply to this, all I had was 'I just do it, it feels natural.' Which is true! It does feel natural. But that's not helpful. So I've been noodling on it more and I think I finally have a twofold answer. Firstly, I don't care about what the reader thinks re: how graphic I get about retelling a character's past or trauma, because a) my content is thoroughly warned for and b) I tend to place additional warnings in 'extra confrontational' chapters. After that it's not my responsibility or my business. But I do know as someone who has been through extensive trauma, I would've like, sacrificed a theoretical firstborn to read stories that were as detailed and thorough as mine re: trauma recovery and trauma representation. I'm not writing for people who don't have trauma in their backgrounds (must be nice, can't relate), not to sound callous, but they're not my target audience and I don't care if they're too fragile to handle what's going on. They get the warnings. I write for the people who need to see their traumatic histories reflected in fiction. Because that's what I needed. Okay, so, point the second. How to know how much detail to go into? The character. I follow the character always. It's important to know enough about post-trauma and behavioural changes and what happens to the mind, as well as a character's general disposition, to know where you're going in terms of detail. That, anon, is something you're going to have to research.

Felix in The Beast that Chose Its Own Bridle is more 'graphic' in his thoughts because he doesn't have the same kind of post-trauma as many other characters I'm writing. He has it, but it manifests in how he communicates and attaches to people, but he has no problems reflecting on or recollecting certain experiences (while avoiding thinking about others). This is fairly consistent with the character in the canon. He's also known for weaponising or talking about graphic experiences for shock value, or to push people away. So he will choose deliberately confrontational methods of talking about his life.

Efnisien on the other hand in say Underline the Black doesn't believe he's been through trauma and his brain is very protective as a result. People with extremely protective minds aren't likely to have graphic recollections of trauma on a regular basis, or are more likely to have nightmares (which he has), or have profound behavioural changes (which he has) which are consistent with trauma. I expect Efnisien's memories will get more explicit as the story goes on. We can see his 'shying away from the graphic nature of upcoming trauma' in the medical exam, he is actively trying to dissociate. A character that dissociates will not constantly be reflecting on trauma, but they might be shocked by it in the form of visceral flashbacks or nightmares. They are more likely to show overall behavioural changes.

Efnisien in Falling Falling Stars had intrusive thoughts as a manifestation of his trauma, and as those intrusive thoughts were dealt with and Efnisien acknowledged he had trauma, he began to have more graphic flashbacks. The more he acknowledged the content in the flashbacks as being traumatic, the less he actually had to deal with a ton of graphic stuff being described, because he was slowly recovering.

Augus in the canon rarely reflects on any of his past trauma. We see it less than a handful of times in any graphic memories, over 1.5 million words. But he has some behavioural changes around trauma. When he experiences current trauma in the story, it's often emotional, and he usually responds with anger or a fight response (and sometimes a flight response). So I would say Augus' story and descriptions are overall less graphic, which fits his disposition, which is to heavily compartmentalise his pain, so he doesn't have to deal with it (which comes back to bite him later on).

So basically if a character is leaving things vague, it's because they can't handle it yet, and that's normally because of dissociation. I've definitely written characters who have dissociated through current trauma, and who are trying to avoid past trauma. Likewise, there are characters who are just starting to experience flashbacks, and characters who are so 'oh yeah I was a child prostitute, what of it?' (hi Felix), and it all comes down to just...where they're at in their journey. How healed is your character? What do they still have left to deal with? What are their main triggers? What do they see or experience in their mind or their body when they're triggered? Have they been through so much trauma, they no longer really respond to new traumas properly? (See Augus and Efnisien, lol). Or are they very unfamiliar with trauma? (See Eran). All of this changes how a character will think about trauma. If a character is super good at compartmentalising for example, even if they go through a current trauma, I'm not likely to write it in huge detail. But if they're bad at it, or flooded, I will.

When applying this to your own writing, think about your characters and their natures. Are they the type to mentally run and hide from trauma? Those characters might not be describing it mentally in great detail unless they're forced to because of a flashback. Or are they characters who don't find something that traumatic? Then you don't need to describe what's happening in as much detail. Are they very sensitive people? Then they might be noticing every detail, or they might be noticing one or two details and trying to forget the rest in order to survive. The nature of your characters, their previous experiences, their coping skills with trauma, for me, all determine how graphic you need to be.

Tl;dr none of my decisions are determined by the reader, because I don't care about the kinds of readers who will go 'this kind of trauma is gratuitous/exploitative' or whatever (and I'm sure some have). I have PTSD, therefore, I write post-trauma. Not everyone with PTSD can handle my content, that's why there's warnings. But for the people who can? Who need it because of their own histories? Who just want to a) feel seen, and then b) feel like healing might be possible? I see you. You're the ones I'm writing for.

Also, for the record, grimdark refers to no characters being likeable or trustworthy and generally terrible things happening all the time, including at the end. It assumes an untrustworthy and dark or corrupt world, and therefore dark or corrupt characters. It actually in and of itself has nothing to do with 'being super graphic about trauma' (though they do often go hand in hand). Most of my stuff could never be grimdark, no matter how graphic it gets, because there's always a lot of hope, healing, and the assumption that the majority of the world is capable of good despite great evil. As for misery porn, sure! But I don't care, see point 1, lol.

I definitely think researching trauma and researching case studies about how people write about their own traumatic experience can help. A lot of the time people who have PTSD aren't actually thinking about their experiences in graphic detail because avoidance is a symptom of PTSD, which means their/our behaviours have changed to avoid thinking about those things. My entire life has been marked with trauma, but I don't talk to anyone about it or think about it often, because avoidance is a cardinal symptom of PTSD/C-PTSD. So if I were writing my story, it would be very not graphic, with bursts of intense graphic detail that even I don't like experiencing.

Conveniently in storytelling, this means even if you are sharing graphic trauma, it's very selectively, and not all the time anyway. Because 'all the time' it's not how human brains work in the first place. So once you understand more about the mechanisms of trauma, trauma avoidance, post-trauma , and trauma recovery (where sometimes some of the most graphic reflection happens, but often in a more supported environment, so it can feel gentler to the reader), you get a better sense of how graphic to be, and how often! So I'd say this will be down to a) researching trauma and b) reflecting on the nature of your characters!

I hope that helps!

[rpg-elf-girl]

Shadows House

I have a lot of thoughts surrounding this particular show, both good & bad.

Allow me to give a quick summary for anyone who hasn't seen/read it!

Shadows House is about 'a faceless family of nobles who all live within this giant manor, the Shadows House.

When a Shadow comes of age they receive a 'Living Doll' to both serve as their face and to clean the soot they emit from their bodies.

The most important rule of the living dolls is "don't fret over trivial matters"

A task which is difficult for the ever curious doll Emiliko.

Watch this tale unfold as Emiliko & her mistress Kate navigate this ever mysterious Manor together.'

For a fan of slow burn thrillers, horror, slice of life, supernatural & mystery series' this has been an absolute blast!

It's not quite the combination of genres you'd expect from a show, but it works really well here!

In fact I was so into the anime that this is actually the first show where I broke down and read the manga!

Unfortunately there's no official English release, but at least there are some people translating the series!

As much as I'd like to go on about the manga, this post is meant to be more so about the anime so I'll (try to) leave it at that.

Though i feel obligated to warn anime onlys I'll likely refer the manga a lot in a spoiler section latter in this post I'll try to be vague but I can't guarantee anything. For anyone worried about that I'll lable it do you can read on until then.

Everything from the animation to the music was amazing & completely fit the mood of the story! I remember a couple scenes where I actually teared up because of this!

The Ending theme is an absolute banger! I've listened to that on repeat ever since I first heard it! And the Opening is also great! It's cool for it to be an instrumental, stuff like that is pretty rare! I also heard the song in the op as a motif in the music throughout the show! It really sets the right mood in each scene it's in! It's amazing for getting into each episode!

In terms of adaptation almost everything from the beginning to the end of the Debut arc was done amazingly well!

Even with the stuff they cut it still holds true to the spirit of its source.

The main important part that was cut is something that could easily be introduced latter if they decide to go for a second season, so I'm not too mad about that.

However! Everything after the debut is a bit of a different story.

There was a lot I liked about the last couple episodes but there were some parts that were immersion breaking for me.

I've been being vague up until this point l, but I'm planning on going into spoiler territory for both the anime and manga after this. So I'll make a quick spoiler free summary of my thoughts before moving onto that.

I really really loved this show but in my opinion the last 3 episodes were the weakest of them all. They went anime only for the ending. I don't mind that on it's own, but it was rushed and the writing was sloppy at times.

Now I'm not telling you to not watch the show! Most of It's really really good, and I can still see people enjoying the parts I'm talking about if they want to give the anime a try. Overall I've fallen in love with this series and I could never recommend it enough.

If what I'm saying is giving you bad vibes the manga is available and doesn't have the issues I've mentioned. You can look for a translation online, it didn't take me long to find one so don't worry too much about that.

Also! if you're an anime only who's finished the series and want to know where to pick up the Manga I'd recommend at least skiming through the beginning. I know it might not be what you're looking for but there were a bunch of small scenes that either got cut or were merged for adaptation purposes that I think are super cute & give more context to different aspects of the setting. However! Pay close attention during the "night watchers part" something important got cut .

~~~Now for spoilers!!!!~~~

I don't want to make it sound like I'm some manga purist who hates the very thought of the slightest change from the source. I'm anime only for a lot of different shows and I've always despised it when that type of manga reader reared it's ugly head.

While I'll admit some changes did bother me I won't make a fuss about the smaller stuff.

With that said!

I hinted earlier in this post that I didn't have a big problem with Robe-same being cut. That was because without them there it does make for a more complete story if they only get one season to work with.

If there is another season they can easily be introduced latter on. Like maybe Emiliko & Shaun can meet them when the Debutant class reunion is going on before they talk on the roof (or right after that) I actually think that would be the perfect time to introduce them (other than the time they were supposed to appear, but I digress)

Louise teaming up & being friendly with Kate can be explained with some dialogue changes at the first Debutant Class Reunion. Louise can say she was just trying to show off or that she just wanted to get back at Edward and that she isn't interested in helping Kate with her problems. Things can then go on as they did in the manga.

Kates being reckless & telling everything to John can be explained by her being extremely panicked when Emiliko went missing, as long as there are some lines of dialogue adressing this it's fine. Though I do wish she tried to keep some stuff a secret but couldn't because Shaun tries to interfer because he's still brainwashed, or something along those lines. It felt a bit weird after she just told Emiliko to keep that stuff between them. Still that could be explained by how panicked she was.

There are other things, but I don't want to drag the post on too long. Most of the issues can be fixed with little changes here & there.

I never had a problem with the idea of them going in an anime only direction. I just want to have a good time with the show.

Unfortunately I can't 100% vouche for the direction the show went in. There were elements that I can't excuse, even viewing it as it's own entity instead of an adaptation.

My main complaint with it is how they handled the brainwashing of Ricky & Lou. They didn't say a word when the Debutants were talking badly about Edward & even went along with a plan to go against him. It makes absolutely no sense!

Shaun freaked out when John only suggested that he didn't have to be loyal to the house. These guys were flat out rebelling against an adult! It felt like Ricky & Lou didn't have a purpose & were just there to be there.

The whole point of the coffee is to influence shadows against doing stuff like this. It makes the coffee seem pointless and the adults seem dumb for relying on it to control the kids.

I haven't even brought up the fact that both of their brainwashings were broken by something as simple as a few kind words. It straight up contradicts the rules established by both the Anime and Manga.

This becomes very apparent when you consider all the trouble John & Kate went through to free Shaun & Emiliko.

This was my biggest complaint, but I have some other issues as well.

The next big one is how they handled Edward.

1. Why on earth would he even consider kidnapping Emiliko when he had complete control of the childrens wing? Before this point he was depicted as being a lot more crafty than this. He could easily have Kate monitored or something.

2. Why didn't he use his powers to stop them like what he did to Maryrose & Rosemary when they fought back being taken to the adults wing? He's already shown off his power at this point, why not?

3. Why did he reveal his soot powers at all!? Especially while using his face in front of the kids! The whole unification thing is one of the biggest secrets of the house for good reason! There's no way he wouldn't get in huge trouble for exposing it to children!

Here are some other related questions.

Why didn't Kate, Emiliko, & John react to Edward using soot powers? They shouldn't know about unification yet so why didn't they act shocked, or say anything about it?

Is Edward being banished even an option in the Shadows House? Wouldn't the third floor lords just dispose of him rather than risk letting him leave?

How did John even get a veiled dolls outfit? Louise had to use her powers to get Kate one & she left a long time ago.

I can't think of much else at the moment, but I think you get my point.

Please don't take this as me saying that I hate the show because of these episodes. Even if I consider them the weakest of the series I still found a lot of parts to be very enjoyable!

Like I thought it was adorable When Edward was attempting to interrogate Emiliko & she kept being her sunshine self pretending to eat & falling asleep.

Barbara getting to tell off Edward for breaking the rules was great!

I loved seeing Shaun hatch the plan to get Kate into the adults wing to save Emiliko.

Seeing John (attempt to) sneak around the adults wing had me rolling!

The ending scene of Shaun, Ricky, & Lou singing gave me the chills.

(Though I wonder how they'd handle Shaun & Emiliko being brainwashed again since they already used the scenes where they're freed)

Kate & Emilico being propelled by John back to the children's wing was absolutely amazing! I found Shaun & Ricky running over to catch them to be super sweet! (Not to mention the way that scene was animated was absolutely gorgeous!)

Getting hints to what was supposed to come after the debut was nice, at least the groundwork is there in case this gets a season 2!

To (try to) wrap this all up while there were a lot of things I loved and disliked about this show I still had a really fun time watching it!

I kinda hope there's a season two just to see if they can tidy up the mess that the last few episodes created.

Regardless of whether that happens or not I came out of this with a series I absolutely adore.

Heck I could make a whole other post about the manga. (Hopefully one that's less ranty)

Anyway! I won't take any more of your time.

I hope you all have a wonderful day/night! And I hope to see you in my next post!

(Sorry if this one was a bit of a mess!)