#i'm gonna miss it honestly and that's saying so much
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*gasps in excitement* FINALLY đđđ
I also remember our fireplace conversation vividly đ„ and I'm so glad it inspired such an amazing fic! You've outdone yourself with this one, Alex!! Such a sweet, incredibly romantic, and yet angsty story đ€
Such a strong and hot start, wow! đ« đ„
Full honesty, as a writer, starting chapters with smut always freaks me tf out. Like, where do you put the damn "keep reading" line without flashing some innocent people at work đ
Even with the fire going and the heater running in the cabin, the frigid air outside is unforgiving.
Ooof, I know the exact feeling you're describing here. Kinda like when you're taking a hot bath but the room is cold and so everything not covered by water is freezing... đ
You have no problem with the way Dean guides you down from the chaise to take advantage of your nest on the floor, right in front of the fire.
Oh, here we go! Executed to perfection đ
You donât know this, but itâs been a while since anyone but his own hand has touched him. Thatâs not the only reason his body has been calling to yours, but it plays a part in how fucking good it feels, and how much more he wants you.
First of all, I was just reading this whole, intensely scorching scene with a thundering heart and squeezing my damn thighs hard đ
Secondly, I loooove this trope! It's sorta romantic?! Idk đ
đ€·ââïž Kinda gives "waiting for the right one and not in the mood for anyone else" vibes. I did that kinda with Russell recently lol
But I love the extra intensity and specialness it gives, y'know? â€ïžâđ„
Once again, he hears you. His teeth sink into the back of your neck, making you cry out. But your pain is quickly overshadowed by a deepest pleasure, thrumming along with his.
Loved the callback of him hearing her again, although his instincts had taken over. It shows how much he cares about her and respects her đ
And I truly wonder what Sam will say when Dean comes back with a mate lol
His words both warm you and make you sad. Just how little does he think of himself?
Oooh boy, you're about to find out, girl đ
You sense that heâs not telling you everything. How could he? A lifetime of blood and wins and incredible losses; family gained, and family lost, endless saves, and so many near misses.
Lol I was gonna say, "How long do you guys plan on being here? This might take a while" đ But I'm so in love with their little afterglow bonding session â€ïžâ€ïžâ€ïž I honestly could read about their convos forever. They're so cute đ„č
âAfter the whole Chuck thing was done, I thought weâd justâŠgo back to status quo. Me and Sam against the world, you know?â Dean says. He gives a rueful smile. âThen Sammy tells me he knocked up his mate.â You smile. âYouâre happy for him though.â âCourse I am,â Dean nods. âHe never thought heâd get to have all that. A badass chick who can keep him on his toes, a house, the kid, the whole damn thing. Heâs downright respectable again.â His brotherly pride and his humor are tinged with something else though. You think you begin to understand. His losses have weighed him down, leaving him aimless and living in that in between, not unlike the ghosts he used to hunt. You know the feeling.
We've already talked about this when he mentioned Dean jr. the first time, but my headcanon is, too, that Dean would be super happy, incredibly sad and lonely, and definitely a little envious and sour lol đđ
You really nailed him here! I could hear every word out of his mouth, too!! đđ«¶
Itâs another week in the cabin before Dean insists on helping you down the mountain. Your ankle has gotten a little better, but at this point, you need to see a doctor. It takes a couple of days, going as slow as you need to. He ends up carrying you for most of the way anyway. You tell him over and over that he doesnât have to, but your alpha is stubborn.
Can totally seeing him doing all of that and arguing with her throughout lol Our hero đ„čđ
He grins at the look on your face. âHey, sweetheart. Come meet my Baby.â
Oooh, I completely forgot she doesn't yet!! Aww, she loved him before she knew he had a cool car. This is like finding out he was a millionaire and kept it a secret to find true love and weed out the gold diggers đ€Ł
Dean gives you a teasing smirk. âWell, technically, sheâs been with me a lot longer than you.â
This had me DEAD đ€Łđ€Łđ€Ł
Dean blinks at your question. He whistles lowly. âAbout a year. Jesus, since my nephew was born.â
A year???? Jesus fuck, this is even sadder now!!! Sam was really like, "Ciao, jerk." lol
Damn, this man is old school.Â
Oh she's about to find out how much đđđ
That was such a perfect ending! They literally drove off into the sunset together *swoon* đđ« 𫶠(And I could totally see Dean singing along to the lyrics at the end there)
I seriously enjoyed this series so much, friend!! đ€đ€đ€ Totally gave me those vibes đ„čđ:
Against the Wind - Part 4
Pairing:Â Alpha!Dean Winchester x F. Omega!ReaderÂ
Summary: You wake up in a strange alphaâs cabin in the middle of a snowstorm, all with a busted ankle. He holds shadows in his eyes, even though his hands are gentle. There are iron shutters around his heart, even though he saved you. You might just save him in return.
AN:Â The grand finale...
Song Inspo:Â âAgainst the Windâ by Bob Seger
Word Count: 3.4K
Tags/Warnings: 18+ only! Smut, knotting, claiming, fluff and feels.
Series Masterlist || Bingo Masterlist
Part 4: Running to Live
His cold hands are warming on your skin as he slides them underneath your sweater. They move smoothly up your back, bunching up the material. You break from his kiss only to help him get the sweater off you, followed closely by his pants.
Your sweatpants slide down your legs with just a sharp tug, baring most of your body to his gaze. His eyes drag over your exposed neck and shoulders, your breasts cupped in your bra, down to your panties and bare thighs.
A shiver runs through you, both from his heated gaze, and from being exposed to the cooler air. Even with the fire going and the heater running in the cabin, the frigid air outside is unforgiving.
You have no problem with the way Dean guides you down from the chaise to take advantage of your nest on the floor, right in front of the fire. He draws you into a sensuous kiss, sucking your lower lip into his mouth and grazing with teeth.
âWere you nesting, Omega?â he teases, between the sinful meetings of his lips with yours. You hum your affirmation before his tongue swipes across your lower lip, seeking entrance.
You open yourself to him in more ways than one; you slip your hands across his naked shoulders and explore the smooth planes of muscle, the dips and softness in between. You encourage him to lower down, to cover you with the length and broadness of his frame. His weight is a welcome one between your thighs and against the softness of your body.
âWas worried about you,â you whisper a confession against his lips. Dean briefly pauses, meeting your eyes.
âThanks for waiting up,â he says, with a hint of a smile.
Your lips curve upwards in return. You reach up to caress his cheek, feeling the prickling of his stubble. Your fingers thread into his hair, and you pull him back down for a devouring kiss.
Deanâs brows furrow as he holds you to him, wanting to feel every part of your skin against his. His calloused fingers map their way down your side, and across your back to unhook your bra. His lips veer away from yours to burn a wet, heated trail along your neck. His teeth come out to graze your skin, down your throat, down the lovely valley between your breasts.
âDean,â you gasp, encouraging him when his hand cups one of your breasts. He explores the other with his mouth, teasing a pebbled nipple with his tongue. Your fingers tighten in his hair, your thighs rubbing together between the cage of his knees in the mess of blankets. Already you feel slick forming at the apex of your thighs and slipping down in between.
âBeautiful,â he murmurs against your skin. âFucking beautiful, you know that?â
You canât help but smile. Your face warms either from the fire dancing shadows across your bodies, or from him, his attention, his warmth, and the heat in his eyes when they meet your again. His hand slides down your body, over your hip and squeezing your thigh as he opens you up further for him.
âTell me what you want, Omega.â While I still have control, his tone implies. His voice is gravel and sin while his hand moves swiftly and smoothly up the inside of your thigh.
âTouch me,â you breathe.
Nodding, he hooks his fingers around the hem of your panties and slides them down. You help him kick them off. Afterward, his thumb brushes over your mound, making you sharply inhale and squeeze his shoulders encouragingly. His fingers dip inside your wet heat, his brows raising with a smirk, as he feels the sheer amount of your slick already coating his digits.
âFuck. This all for me, baby?â he remarks.
You hold onto the back of his neck with both hands as you nod, biting your lip. Your hips begin to cant against his hand on reflex, urging him to touch you.
âAlpha, pleaseâŠâ you implore, in a ragged whisper. He swallows your plea with a ravaging kiss, but he still gives you what you want. His thumb circles your clit, earning a moan from you into his mouth.
Soon, two of his fingers plunge slowly inside you, working you open, drawing more gasps and shudders of pleasure from your body. His length continues to strain hard against your thigh, but for him, itâs worth it to draw every sound, every time your body writhes and arches against him, craving release.
With a few more purposeful strokes, your inner walls clamp tight on his hand, and a flood of slick coats his knuckles even more. You gasp his name, your hands squeezing his arms just as tight as your pussy around his fingers.
Your skin is beginning to get dewy with sweat, and he kisses some of it off you when he trails down your chest. You stroke down his arms, down his back, whatever you can reach as you catch your breath. But then, his name falls from your lips with a firmer tone.
Dean raises his head, and you gently push at his chest. His brows furrow in confusion, only for it to be replaced with a smile of surprise when you curl a thigh over his hip and guide him onto his back. His head just manages to fall on one of your pillows, but he still utters a small grunt. You giggle down at him, bowing to meet him for a kiss.
He smirks and holds onto your hips, playfully squeezing your ass. âMy wily omega.â
âThought I was your cheeky omega,â you tease.
He snorts. âThat too.â
You giggle some more as you treat him to the same path of open-mouthed kisses down his neck. Except this time, you hook a hand behind his neck, and you trail your tongue around his mating gland. You feel his jolt of surprise, as well as his instinctive growl of pleasure in response to his mate. Or at least, not yetâŠ
His heart pounds in his chest.
âOmega,â he says, a warning not to tease as his grip tightens on your hips.
The command in his voice makes you shiver, but you smile and nuzzle his cheek in affection. You kiss your way down his body, playing special attention to his nipples, his stomach, the soft V and the happy trail of light brown fuzz leading you down between his hips.
Your fingers slide down his hardened desire through his underwear, earning a grunt from him, along with a shifting of his body against the blankets. Your lips curve as you nuzzle him there as well, letting your lips drag across his impressive length.
His fingers tangle in your hair when you hook your nails around the waistband and free his cock from its confines. His boxers join the rest of your clothes somewhere, and finally you get to see all of him, as much as he takes in all of you. Your hand wraps around his girth, your thumb circling around the sensitive, weeping head of it. Dean groans, a sound from deep in his chest.
You donât know this, but itâs been a while since anyone but his own hand has touched him. Thatâs not the only reason his body has been calling to yours, but it plays a part in how fucking good it feels, and how much more he wants you.
He feels your intentions when your hand moves down his shaft in a teasing caress, your fingers tracing around his knot. A shudder rattles down his spine, makes his desire burn hotter in the pit of his stomach.
He canât fucking take it anymore. He needs you, needs to be inside you. Needs to take you the way his instincts demand.
He grasps your shoulder before you put your mouth on him. You blink up at him, with a question forming on your lips, but he hefts you up onto his chest by your arms. He cages you there with a kiss filled with abject need.
âI canât. Canât wait anymore,â he says. He drags his fingers through your folds and earns another moan from your when he finds your clit. âYou ready for me, Omega? Need my knot?â
âYeah,â you nod, agreeing against his lips. âNeed you, Alphaââ
No sooner had the words escaped your lips, when Dean rolls you back underneath him. But this time, he guides you onto your stomach, then raises up your hips, until youâre on your hands and knees. You catch your breath as you regain your bearings, shooting an incredulous smile over your shoulder at Dean. He smirks back at you, but his gaze is intense, his pupils darkened with the alpha inside him.Â
Still, he soothes a hand down your back and steadies you with a hold on your hip. You feel him slot himself behind you, guiding his cock at your entrance. His chest presses hotly against your back.
âLast chance, Omega,â he says, his voice tight with restraint.
You look back at him again over your shoulder, your mouth threatening to frown. You reach back and sink your fingers into his hair with a sharp tug. âDo it.â
He sinks into you with one smooth plunge. Itâs a relief for both of you, your mingled moans echoing in the near silence. All thatâs left is the sound of your quickening breaths, of skin against sweat-slick skin as you move together.
Dean brushes your hair away from your neck. He kisses and licks his way along your bare shoulder, and finally the back of your neck. Youâre trembling by the time his lips find the sensitive flesh of your mating gland. It echoes with the pulsing from your core as he continues to drive into you.
âAlpha,â you gasp on reflex. You squeeze his arm; he has it wrapped tight around your middle. Your pleasure builds ever closer to that crescendo, especially as his thrusts become ragged, at an angle that zips delicious tingles through your core. âCloseâŠjustâŠI needâŠâ
Dean isnât so far gone. He hears you, and helps you, reaching his hand around to strum his fingers insistently on your clit, along with his final thrusts.
Finally, it tumbles you over. Your inner walls become impossibly tight around him as he draws out your second releaseâone that triggers his own. Dean groans into your ear; his knot swells and locks into place, and he spends himself deep inside you. He pants hot against your neck, but even though he fastens his lips there, he hesitates, once again making you shudder.Â
âDo it,â you repeat, in a coarse whisper. Youâre close to tears. âPlease. Want you, Alpha. Need youâŠâ
Once again, he hears you.
His teeth sink into the back of your neck, making you cry out. But your pain is quickly overshadowed by a deepest pleasure, thrumming along with his.
 Afterward, Dean holds you in his arms. The warm glow of the fire paints your skin in its light, despite the utter darkness in the rest of the house.Â
While you both wait for his knot to subside, you revel in the fact that you know heâs content. You can feel it through the newly formed bond. He traces random shapes in your skin, which still glistens with a fine sheen of sweat. The fire he stoked doesnât help to cool you down, but you donât care.
Nothing else matters but this. You turn your head toward him over your shoulder. He meets you there with a gentle kiss, much more gentle than any other youâve shared before. It feels right.Â
When he parts from you, he presses another kiss to your forehead. Then he leans back a little and sighs. You feel his thumb trace the raw flesh around the claiming mark on your neck. A small shiver runs through your body. Maybe on another day, youâll mark him in return.
âItâs too damn late,â he says, breaking the silence. âYou realize that right?â
You shoot him a frown. âToo late for what?â
âFor me to let you go,â he says.Â
His words both warm you and make you sad. Just how little does he think of himself?
âDean,â you say, endeavoring to be patient. âYouâre my true mate. Do you know how rare it is that weâve actually found each other?â
Dean remains quiet.
âAnd after everything youâve done for me,â you add, âhow can I not think youâre a good man? How can I not think this is right?â
He seems to consider your question. His gaze briefly falls, then meets your eyes again.
âYou donât know me that well,â is his answer, with a wry turn of his lips.Â
You reach back to caress his cheek. âThen tell me. Tell me about, umâŠtell me about how you became a hunter. From your dadâs journal, I got the sense that itâs a family thing.â
A vendetta, you wanted to say, but you keep that thought inside.
Dean chuckles, dropping another kiss onto your shoulder. You feel the pleasurable rasp of his stubble.
âYeah, more like a family business,â he says.Â
He tells you why John Winchester started writing in that journal in the first place. Dean explains it in his own words, of what his family was before and after a demon broke into his brotherâs nursery. Your heart continues to break for him, over and over, the more story he tells. Your shock can only reach new heights when he tells you about angels and demons and everything in between.Â
There are moments where he pauses, needing the time to find his words. Heâs talked for so long that his knot finally softens, allowing you to withdraw from him, just to turn in his arms and be able to see his face. He bundles you in the blankets to keep you warm, but he also keeps you close, with a loose arm around your waist as he continues.Â
You sense that heâs not telling you everything. How could he? A lifetime of blood and wins and incredible losses; family gained, and family lost, endless saves, and so many near misses. You listen with rapt attention (and a lot of shock) to everything he can share, but your heart twinges when you see how he struggles to talk about his motherâs most recent death. Then his best friend Cas.Â
You realize that this man, for all his self-deprecation, is a hero. More so than you already knew.
âAfter the whole Chuck thing was done, I thought weâd justâŠgo back to status quo. Me and Sam against the world, you know?â Dean says. He gives a rueful smile. âThen Sammy tells me he knocked up his mate.â
You smile. âYouâre happy for him though.â
âCourse I am,â Dean nods. âHe never thought heâd get to have all that. A badass chick who can keep him on his toes, a house, the kid, the whole damn thing. Heâs downright respectable again.â
His brotherly pride and his humor are tinged with something else though. You think you begin to understand. His losses have weighed him down, leaving him aimless and living in that in between, not unlike the ghosts he used to hunt. You know the feeling.Â
You thread your fingers with his, earning his attention.Â
âYou can have that too, you know,â you say. âI mean, I donât want to skip ahead, but I feel like things are going well here, despite the whole busted ankle thing.âÂ
Dean slowly smiles, shaking his head. He brings your hand up to his lips.Â
âOkay, enough about my Hallmark movie life. What about you?â he asks.Â
So you tell him.Â
You two continue to share and explore, both in words and with your bodies, until morning comes.Â
Itâs another week in the cabin before Dean insists on helping you down the mountain. Your ankle has gotten a little better, but at this point, you need to see a doctor. It takes a couple of days, going as slow as you need to. He ends up carrying you for most of the way anyway. You tell him over and over that he doesnât have to, but your alpha is stubborn.Â
Once he gets you back to the city, you two take a shuttle to the nearest hospital. X-rays are taken, and you get a new cast for your officially fractured ankle. At the very least, you donât need surgery. Youâre able to call your mom from there and let her know where youâve been, that youâre all right, and best of allâŠthat youâve found your mate.Â
You cry along with her on the phone, this time for a good reason. The best reason.Â
When youâre eventually released from the hospital, Dean picks you up in a sleek, black Chevy that has your eyes wide.Â
He grins at the look on your face. âHey, sweetheart. Come meet my Baby.âÂ
He parks the car and keeps the heater running while he comes around to you in swift strides. He takes your crutches and slides them into the backseat, then helps you into the passenger seat.Â
âItâs beautiful, but my God, how old is this thing?â
âShe. Sheâs a she.â
âOh, pardon me,â you say in amusement. âDo I have some competition here?â
Dean gives you a teasing smirk. âWell, technically, sheâs been with me a lot longer than you.âÂ
You scoff incredulously. He laughs and takes your hand, pressing a kiss into your palm. You discreetly study him and marvel at how much lighter he seems. You donât know how much is because of this, what your hand in his symbolizes, and how much is because heâs reunited with something important to him.Â
âItâs okay, Omega mine,â he says, with a measure of desire in his eyes. âFrom now on, youâre my priority.â
Your spine prickles with the same arousal you can feel from him through the bond. You lean across the way and share a thorough kiss.Â
Until a horn honks loudly from behind. You both jolt, but Deanâs face falls into annoyance. He shoots up a choice finger at the car behind him in the rearview mirror. You laugh as he begins to peel out of the curved pick-up and drop-off zone in front of the hospital.Â
âWhere are we going, Dean?â you ask, still smiling in amusement.Â
âWherever we damn well please.â He turns to you with a hint of a smile reforming on his lips. âWant me to take you back home? We can sort out the logistics on, uhâŠwell, this.â
You think about it. He poses a good idea, but at the same time, youâre not quite ready for this part of the adventure to end.Â
âHow long has it been since youâve seen Sam?â you ask.
Dean blinks at your question. He whistles lowly. âAbout a year. Jesus, since my nephew was born.â
You smile and reach over, resting your hand on his thigh.Â
âLetâs go see him, then,â you say. âI want to meet your family. Then you can meet mine.â
After that, you two can figure out the rest, like where to live, and how youâll live.Â
Dean raises a brow. âReally? Thatâs like, a thirteen-hour drive.â
You shrug. âIâve always wanted to go on a real road trip. Can we get some food first though? Iâm starving.âÂ
He laughs and nods as he stops the car at a red light.
âWhat do you know? A woman after my own heart,â he says. His amusement eases into a gentler smile the longer he stares at you. You smile back, and you give into the urge to lean in again, meeting your lips with his. He brushes your cheek tenderly with his thumb.Â
âI know what this needs,â he says lowly. Your brows draw together in a silent question.Â
He pulls away to reach into the side compartment along the driver door. He fishes out a cassette tape labelled Zeppelin IV. You bite your lip and try not to say anything smartassed.
Damn, this man is old school.Â
He skips ahead until he finds Track 7, just as the light turns green. A melodious guitar riff fills the car as he turns onto the main road with your hand wrapped in his.Â
Made up my mind to make a new start.
Going to California with an aching in my heartâŠ
AN:Â And that's all, folks! đ„č I truly hope you enjoyed Against the Wind!
Like I said in a recent update, I have more stories in store for you guys. January 3 will be Part 1 of Outlander -- sequel to The Honorable Choice -- a Western AU with Dean as our resident cowboy! I'll post a sneak peek on that one soon.~
But in the meantime, I hope you'll let me know what you thought of ATW! đđ
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honestly whenever work gets stressful i lowkey daydream about your ocâs. i know it's crazy or whatever, but sometimes i feel like screaming when a customer tells me iâm wrong for charging them the food they ordered (iâm a cashier and busser at a restaurant) i just like to imagine blake sitting in the back with me and listening to me complain. maybe even sharing a cigarette or a hit of the penjamin because i cannot deal with the people that come in sometimes. maybe he'll even buy me food or come up behind me when iâm getting yelled at and just stand there with his arms crossed like he's daring them to continue. barking genuinely. i know if i worked with him he'd tip me so well đ miss ellie why can't blake be real. iâd love to call him mr. endon and then brag about how much he loves me (joking and non joking) to my friends whenever they come in. be all sneaky and give him a fake kiss in the back when we both take dishes to the dishwashers đ maybe him grabbing my waist when he walks behind me đ ugh ellie!!
dude this is actually SO in my brain now i love you for sharing this <3 i do the exact same thing I've daydreamed about my own characters beating up nasty customers for me LMAOO
This is so good too because Blake is PEAK "protect waitstaff with his life" material. He's a chill coworker and he's always nice to the serving staff even when the kitchen gets stacked--if you work with him he never yells at you and he'll always call you nicknames like "hon", "sweetie", "pumpkin", like he's your boyfriend or something >:) You'll come out to the back to find him lighting up a cigarette on his break, and he offers one to you without you even having to say a word. He just sits on the upturned milk crates and lets you vent while you take a couple minutes to calm down from whatever annoying customers you had to deal with.
When it comes to people yelling at you though, he absolutely loses his cool front in an instant. If you come into the back crying or pissed off he's the first one that notices, and even if the other cooks, the manager, or the executive chef urge him to stay, everyone knows that when Blake gets that quiet his anger is bubbling just beneath the surface. He won't let you follow him out into the dining room at first, but sometimes he'll come back to get you so he can bring you to the table in question and glare them into submission as they apologize to you. He does that for any of the waitstaff, but when it's you, he's so much scarier to whoever decided to ruin your day. He doesn't even need to yell to get his point across, which honestly makes him that much more intimidating when he stalks into the dining room and searches for his target.
Aside from that, he's laidback in every other way when he's working. He'll wink at you over the hot plate when he puts up food--and forget about buying it, he makes excuses all the time to cook for you. It's always "Oh I burned this, you can have it" or "I'm trying something new, tell me how it tastes" or "Hey I made this twice so you can take it home" but it's so obvious that he prepared it specifically for you. You don't even have to make lunches or get dinner after work because Blake feeds you like it's going outta style, and he'll just roll his eyes or smirk when the other cooks make fun of him for it. They can all tell he's whipped, but he doesn't care. And he'd be so flattered to see your friends come in and giggle over your "work husband"--besides holding your waist when he slides behind you or doing that cheeky hand comparison trick, that would be one of the times he pretends to grab your ass just to tease the hell out of you and make you all flustered while they're around. He'd get so smug when he heads back to the kitchen and hears them laughing and chattering at their table while you try not to get all hot in the face.
Plus, there's definitely gonna be a time when he brings Siri in to the restaurant--either to eat after hours or because his sitter cancelled at the last minute--and he'll be genuinely nervous to see how you two get along. But Siri's so well-behaved when he's at his papa's work, the noise and people ensure he won't want his cochlear turned on, and he'll just quietly sit and colour at a spare booth. If you come over and bring him more crayons or just stop by his table to give him dinner, he'll probably end up doodling you in his drawings and it'll melt Blake's heart when he looks at them at the end of his shift. Since he knows sign too, if youâre not familiar with it, you know he'll absolutely teach you swears and stuff (so long as you promise not to use them around Siri!) so you can silently communicate your disdain for any shitty customers or annoying management. You'll always get a laugh out of him when you sign "Spit in their food" as you ring in an order for an especially frustrating customer, or "These people are animals" when dropping off dishes from an unruly table.
He's definitely the coworker that clearly has a crush on you and only makes the slightest efforts to hide it, but at some point the teasing and playful flirting will finally come to a head when one of you has to confront your feelings...and although it may be a conflict of interest, plenty of your other coworkers are gonna be eagerly collecting bets when you two finally get together and start dating.
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hey guys
guess who's back
they fucking killed quotev i guess, official rest in peace to the gays
#man#i am kind of losing it#just a tad#quotev#quotev fucking sucks ass#i am honestly really sad? i would be actively having a breakdown but i cannot do that on school grounds#i can't believe i'm saying this but i'm gonna miss the gays so much
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man, i just want to see if there's any threads about silent hill 2 remake breaking so hard it doesn't even boot up anymore but all i find are people being evil about women on the internet
#happy halloween i guess#the real frights (besides all of the beautiful women skittering along the walls with their many legs)#were the men we found complaining on the internet that 'they made the women ugly and that's censorship' along the way#that prison level sure can is scary#so scary that it fucking broke my entire game lmao#gonna reinstall and see if that fixes it but was hoping i would not have to do that on my shitty rental internet đ©#i will say that this game runs like ass to anyone who is considering it#i'm running it on medium graphics with specs above the recommended and she still do chug when there's more than one thing happening#and let me say there are often several things happening#probably things i could tweak to make it run better but god as soon as i have to tweak a game to get it to you know. run well. i'm gone.#i just miss my wife my beautiful wife#too bad she died three years ago of that damn disease and no sooner than that by any other means or et cetera#i'm sure these thematically loaded ladies who keep hurting me from behind corners hold no particular significance#just a regular trip to my special place that is now the dead wife hell dimension where a large man is hunting me for sport#a large man who is the embodiment of sexually charged masculine violence#which i'm sure means nothing#and is hunting me to mete out specific and thematically hamfisted judgment#for some wrongdoing or another#which could honestly be anything#shoutout to the one guy on steam who is like um was i supposed to get what happened on a first playthrough?#and like. well. yes. because it literally and directly tells you. so yes. sorry.#i will also say that if it destroyed my save in the process#well. i would not like that very much.#but i suppose the real problem is that they made the women ugly. because of woke. the DEI ghouls are taking everything from us.#[picture of average skinny white woman]
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got described as looking like a 'canadian lumberjack physicist' by my brother so. does anybody need an artist
#just me hi#could've just used the shorthand 'gay' but whatever honestly loll#đ€đąđŻđąđ„đȘđąđŻ. my own kin...#so funny he said lumberjack physicist. two things i'll never be qualified for Hfbhss#and then i said he looked like a youtuber so i might have actually deserved that x10 now that i think abt it HFh#/and i was doing my typing lessons earlier and i had to type out the nato alphabet thing (idr what it's called lol)#i said 'alphaaa..' outloud and my sibling says 'oo who are you texting ( ͥ° ÍÊ ÍĄÂ°)' 'your girlfriend'#and that Wasn't my fault i was in the middle of some horrible dire straits (i missed the letter P six times in a row <33)#leo if you're reading this. uhhh you were asking for itâ sorry ! <333#//in other news i am working on p.space again !!#rewriting Agaaain lol :>#'rewriting' i say as this is the 4th comic rendition i've made#though i want to do a sort of blend between comic and just writing. i just gotta figure out How i'm gonna go about that :3#i also really wanna write rn so i'm gonna go do that!!! actually super excited to do that#i know full well i probably won't do much but hyped either way :DDD#so on my way now !!!
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I apologize for not posting anything at all. I'm no where near the end of VLR but these people have invaded my brain and I can't do anything about it.
#Emile's Arts#Koro-Sensei#'You're gonna get a crush on the rabbit' 'I am NOT' 'You are you always do.' 'I will not'#THE VA IS VERY GOOD BUT I REFUSE YOU CHINESE KNOCK OFF MONOKUMA#Also I REFUSE to gain a crush on Ten I'm so SCARED of him being Ace 2.0#Last time this game series gave me an old man with a cute smile he called my favorite character a bitch and murdered everyone for fun#btw Koro-Sensei doesn't super like anyone this game and will not stop saying how much he misses Lotus#And HONESTLY same#But we both agree Luna is best girl and can do no wrong#Also I don't DISLIKE Clover or anything#I'm just saying if they were gonna bring back someone from the first game it should have been Snake#Sense he spent 90% of 999 Dead so we don't know him very well#Koro-Sensei does NOT like Alice tho she's kinda meeeean#ANYway#The SECOND I am done with this game we're getting a K spam and then I'll be normal#Until then I will just sit here and seethe about him#And GTM-CM-G-OLM I GUESS#Still mad about that one#But WHATEVER#I miss doing Koro-Sensei and I consume media together sketches I should do more...
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Thanks to my little brother, who had tagged me on Facebook, I now have seen Gan Ning in upcoming Dynasty Warriors Origins.
This is HUGE improvement to that horrible excuse of Gan Ning which I've seen here on Tumblr before BUT... *squirms and moans and groans and sighs and huffs* ... This is not Gan Ning. It's not bad look but... God. I miss his blond hair! Face hair is okay but I think he would look more like Gan Ning without it. I think the hair color makes most biggest difference. I mean right now he reminds me of Gladio from FF15! It looks more like if Gladio's head would had been slammed on Gan Ning's body!
Again, not bad look BUT it could be better. I don't hate this looks since it is improvement like I said but... This is not my Gan Ning. Something feels off, missing. Something big and important. Tho, perhaps if I stare at this long enough, I could grow up to like him. I mean it IS Gan Ning after all but... Yeah. I feel so overwhelmed and confused by this that I want to cry... For real.
Second thing: New English voice actor. Kaiji Tang. I listened some of his voice acting on Youtube and while he sounds good and all... I just can't see / hear him as Gan Ning. Only real English voice for Gan Ning is Michael Sinterniklaas. Thank GOD Japanese voice actor is STILL Hiroaki Miura BUT... but... Seeing this Gan Ning while hearing that lovely and familiar voice from previous Gan Ning's... I don't know how my brains can register and handle that.
https://www.koeitecmoeurope.com/dw_origins/uk/characters/
#Dynasty Warriors Origins#DWO#Gan Ning#Kannikka#... What they have done to you...?#Like I've been saying - NOT bad look BUT it's not Gan Ning#Change the hair color brown or blond and then we are getting there!#But this Gan Ning is honestly missing something#He feels... somehow empty#All other Gan Ning's which I've seen have instantly have a feeling in them - a spark - life - something!#This? Empty and hollow - like there's no life or that spark in him#Maybe âreal Gan Ningâ doesn't approve with this new look#Tho the more I look at him the more I do like his look#but it won't win Gan Ning's look in DW6 - 7 - 8 and 9#Koei#You can't even PLAY as Gan Ning!#From each army there's only 3 characters who you can play as!#Shu has Guan Yu - Zhang Fei and Zhao Yun#Wu has Sun Shangxiang - Huang Gai and Zhou Yu#Wei has Xiahou Dun - Guo Jia and Zhang Liao#So yeah... Not gonna buy this game#it's NOT worthy of my money if I can't even play as my fave character - which has been changed too much in my liking#I just hope Koei WON'T keep that look for DW10!#If they do I'm gonna send them fucking angry letter!
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run fast, laugh hard, be kind âĄ
#aw doctor#twelve i'm gonna miss you#i'm honestly astonished at capadi's interpretation of the doctor#love him so much#twelve is so iconic and such a buttercup#a tear ran down my cheek as he said i let you go before regenerating#also one season of bill potts and nardole is not enough i need more of them#i liked missy this season and was excited at the return of the master but idk about the end there#also !!! twice upon a time freaking rocked#i'm gonna miss twelve playing the electric guitar and going around with this sonic shades#unreachable levels of swag and coolness i'd say#btw s10 has some of the most amazing dw episodes ever ngl it might even end up being one of my fav seasons overall#current doctors top3 is eleven - ten - twelve#bbc dw
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i miss f.elix!!
#if you knew me 3 years ago you'd know that this blog was almost entirely dedicated to me and him#although it's been a long time and i dont talk about him too often anymore. i love him so much even now#i just really miss him. that whole game honestly but him especially#i know he's not great with people so it makes me so happy whenever he just tries because he wants to be with ash#he may seem all mean but i promise he's a sweetheart deep down!#it's pretty late and i stayed up gaming. it was kinda lonely but at least i made good progress on x.enoblade3#ash rambles đ#but uh. pspspsps f.elix cuddles!!! pspspsp!!!#he makes a great pillow hehe! also he usually has his hair down at night and he lets ash play with it#he says that it's stupid and he's not some animal for her to pet. but ash sees the way he melts into his touch with a soft relaxed smile#cutie... i love him!#think i'm gonna listen to some voice lines and watch some clips of his and read some of my stuff for him before i call it a night#goodnight friends!
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-LOUNGES- OK LOOK I genuinely love how you've taken into account this mutation affecting her memory and reactions. That doesn't feel like something I've seen before and it's a really nice twist. And the bit you mentioned that she likes serving people good food in part because she can't really taste it anymore makes me smile. She's a good person who didn't deserve what's happening to her but damn I'm here for her story and development!
Please tell me your favorite things about my portrayal/muse?
Holly, you are too pure for this world!!! From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Truly, I appreciate your kind words so much as honestly, I wasn't sure what people were thinking when it came to Khare's memory issues? Her mutation sounds cool in theory what with being hard to kill and regenerating flesh to the point that losing limbs isn't much of an issue but there are some serious drawbacks to her condition so I'm actually glad you noticed this? Also the kind things you said before back when I was writing those journal entries, I wanted to embrace the negative sides when it comes to getting mutagenic powers and not many examples show what happens when it... well, goes wrong. As for being a good person, Khare would find it -very- debatable whether or not. She feels so conflicted about everything that happened and that she's not 'good' at all, leaving all those poor people behind without trying to find some way of helping them but she didn't know what to do, where to go or if anybody would even believe her. She can't believe it herself somedays, until she looks into a mirror and sees all those eyes clustered in her shoulder or feels the squirm in her hip as the eyes there jiggle for water but what's done is done. Shit happens to people every day and she's no exception, she just has to make the best of things she can. She does love that part about her job tho, making good food for people to enjoy since her sense of taste has been obliterated by her condition so I'm glad that part makes you smile!!! <3
#gnarledbite#memes ;; what's your favourite thing about my muse?#People if you aren't already following gnarledbite you are missing out on some prime content!#And a fabulous mun/muse honestly Holly is so damn SWEET#I'm still crying and screaming over this not gonna lie#I know we've talked about it but you noticing her memory issues and struggles means a lot#Khare's backstory is some seriously dark shit so you saying positive things about it is so important#I'm glad you found it to be a nice twist bc I don't think everybody who gets superpowers would have a good time#There is so much potential for error and Khare's story is a dive into what happens when it goes VERY wrong#Her memory loss and increased struggles doing daily tasks is just the tip of a very ugly and dangerous iceberg :')#But enough rambling! Thank you so much!!!!
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This response got long, sorry for sidetracking! I'm just floored with how much more Yi City makes sense through this lens; I had no idea this interview of MXTX existed.
With Xue Yang being a direct parallel to Jiang Cheng (that too, confirmed by the author), it makes the tragedy and the parallels of all the other characters involved in the subplot even more apparent.
Namely in that Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing are both parallels to Wei Wuxian, and Song Lan shares many similarities to both Lan Wangji and Wen Ning.
Xiao Xingchen, like Wei Wuxian, is an incredibly righteous and kind cultivator with a sense of humor. Plus they both have ties to Baoshan-sanren's mountain. MXTX says herself that Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian's relationship is complicated like Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen's. Xue Yang is obsessed with keeping Xiao Xingchen attached to him and getting revenge; Jiang Cheng likewise blames Wei Wuxian for his insecurities and grief and is constantly pursuing him almost entirely to nurse his own grudges.
People tend to say that Xue Yang also having origins as a mistreated youth on the streets makes him a parallel to Wei Wuxian, but that's not true. He's far more vengeful and selfish in his thoughts and actions; A-Qing, who is brash but still good at heart, is much more similar to Wei Wuxian if you ask me.
If Xiao Xingchen represents Wei Wuxian's initial reputation as a good cultivator, A-Qing is the other half: someone who spent the majority of her life as a street orphan. Like Wei Wuxian, A-Qing ultimately chooses to do the right thing to help others even if it causes her harm in the end.
Furthermore, A-Qing distrusts Xue Yang's demeanor and intentions the whole time she knows him. She maintains a bantering rapport with Xue Yang while they all live together, knowing that she cannot risk genuinely angering him or arousing his suspicion out of fear for how he may retaliate against her and Xiao Xingchen.
After all, A-Qing isn't a cultivator. She has no backing, no real strength that she can fight and actually win with. She only has her wits, and when push comes to shove and she does reveal her own exhaustion, fear, and hatred of Xue Yang, she dies at Xue Yang's hands.
Xiao Xingchen, on the other hand, is more willing to trust and believe that Xue Yang is a good person. He has strong cultivation ability and moral character, and is both literally and metaphorically blind to Xue Yang's cruelty until Xue Yang makes the deception clear. XXC is so distraught by the selfishness and senselessness of Xue Yang's violence towards innocents with him as a proxy that he flat out kills himself.
I think both A-Qing's and Xiao Xingchen's feelings existed in Wei Wuxian to an extent when it comes to Jiang Cheng. The gratefulness to the Jiangs for being taken in, knowing he could be made to leave at any time. The playful banter with someone you've shared space with for so long, while also maintaining an acute understanding that you aren't on the same level socially. The discomfort of having to live with someone's casual callousness, seeing and thinking it but unable to truly voice a complaint or confront it until it's far too late.
As for Song Lan, he can be best described as an interesting mix of Lan Wangji and Wen Ning. All three are upright and pretty serious individuals. Song Lan's attachment and devotion to Xiao Xingchen resembles Lan Wangji's love for (wanting to make him laugh, for example) and Wen Ning's loyalty to Wei Wuxian (in life and after being turned into sentient fierce corpses).
Song Lan is the one who Xiao Xingchen was doing things for; their goal of starting a sect not tied to clan bloodlines mirrors Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning's intent of protecting the Wen remnants in the Burial Mounds.
Wei Wuxian gave up his position to do what was right and help the Wens, including Wen Ning. Meanwhile Xiao Xingchen gave up his eyes to help Song Lan, but Song Lan was furious both with the grief of the massacre of Baixue Temple (most likely paralleling Wen Ning's grief with his family's annihilation, though Song Lan is a lot more expressive with his anger) and of Xiao Xingchen hurting himself in such a way (Lan Wangji angry at Wei Wuxian using ghost cultivation). In both cases, they are separated for years because of the fight, though the exact details do differ.
As Jiang Cheng holds a grudge is against Wei Wuxian, Wen Ning, and to a lesser extent Lan Wangji, Xue Yang holds a grudge against both Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan.
Song Lan (Wen Ning) is the one who kills (verbally tears down) Xue Yang (Jiang Cheng) by the end of their respective stories for how Xiao Xingchen (Wei Wuxian) was treated.
Can you tell I'm on the verge of tears!? So much of the story lines up with these eight characters all paralleling each other, I'm dizzy. I may have missed or misinterpreted some things since I haven't read the novels in a while but I'm honestly so amazed at the level of detail that went into MXTX's writing.
Xue Yang and Jiang Cheng are Parallels
I wanted to make sure I covered this in my Yi City arc reread since it became such a hot topic on my blog for a minute. Wei Wuxian and Xue Yang are not parallels; Xue Yang and Jiang Cheng are. Here are two quotes from each individual about their never-ending hatred and perpetual thirst for vengeance paid over and over in blood:
Wei Wuxian retorted, âHeâs already a dead man. Iâve also died once. What else do you want?â
Jiang Cheng pointed at him with his whip. âSo what? He can die a thousand times, or even ten thousand times, but itâll never appease the fury in my heart! Since he wasnât destroyed then, then fine! Iâll personally destroy him today. Iâll go and torch him now, then scatter his ashes in front of you!!â
âChapter 23: Malevolent Part 1: Running into Gunpoint, taming wangxian
âIf you wanted to avenge yourself on Chang Ciâan for breaking your finger, you could have just cut off one of his and been done with it,â Xiao Xingchen said in disbelief. âIf you absolutely cannot get over your grudge, then break two, or ten! Or you could have even cut off his armâeven that would have been better! Why did you have to kill his entire family? Donât tell me you think a single one of your fingers is worth more than fifty lives?â
Surprisingly, Xue Yang pondered this carefully for a while. As though he found Xiao Xingchenâs question very strange, he replied, âOf course. The finger was mine, while those lives were other peopleâs. No matter how many I killed, it wouldnât have repaid the debt. It was only fifty or so peopleâhow could it make up for my single finger?â
âChapt. 41: Flora IX, fanyiyi
Both of them use their trauma to lash out at innocent people who have done nothing wrong to them: Jiang Cheng chasing after Wen Ning (who, in fact, aided the Jiang heir at risk to his own life) despite having already successfully murdered his entire family for the crimes of the long-dead Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao; Xue Yang chasing after the Chang Clan despite Chang Ping being the clan leader and not his father who hurt him.
At the same time, Xue Yangâs response provides a deeper look into why they have this mentality. âThe finger was mine, while those lives were other peopleâsâŠâ he says, âIt was only fifty or so peopleâhow could it make up for my single finger?â At the end of the day, Xue Yang and Jiang Cheng consider themselves above everyone and everything else, including laws and morality. In fact, this is their morality. In their world, they are justified in kidnapping and torturing people to death for reminding them of someone they do not like and are validated in annihilating whole clans because they consider an individual to have committed an offense against them. The lives of others mean nothing in their worldview; it is only their lives that hold any and all intrinsic value that must be protected at all costs.
#anyways i'm tired of people claiming that jc was never 'meant' to be seen as a bad guy#he certainly is!#mxtx saying he's not the worst guy on the docket#is not in any way shape or form saying that he is a good person#there is a whole world between 'misunderstood uwu baby' and 'devil incarnate'#jc through a combination of cowardice and the virtue of jin ling's existence#*just* misses out on the 'devil incarnate' side of the spectrum#and falls squarely into the 'bullies the weak but fears the strong' zone#xue yang on the other hand is devil incarnate on account of him actually having the spine to do what he wants#regardless of reputation or appealing to superiors#deserving of hell absolutely#but commendable for at least going after what he wants without crying about what others will think of him#if you're gonna be a villain then *be* one#grow a fucking backbone and take a stance on *something* without glancing over your shoulder to see if the audience will applaud your choic#<- prev tags i adore you yes yes yes absolutely#this is honestly one of my favorite metas now. so much clearly clicks together when you view yi city through this lens#this was the first time i saw mxtx's interview too i wish it was more available/commonly spread...#addition#my addition was such a long derail but by god IT ALL MAKES SENSE#mdzs#danmei
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Merry!Ex-mas.
18+ MDNI
22.k words synopsis: you get a notification about plane tickets you purchased about a trip you were excited for, only reason you're not excited at the remainder, is because you had planned the trip with your now ex. At the time you never thought you'd be spending December broken up. So, it felt like a great idea. not so much now. ex!jk x ex!femreader (fem anatomy.) exes to lovers use of 'yn' warnings: angst, fluff, smut: long-distance relationship, exes, second chance, miscommunication, b*tches is awkward, tension, one bed, forced proximity, Jungkook isn't crazy rich but he's got good money, i think he's an accountant, jk has that short ceo hair cut. reader has communication problem, jungkook's freaking green sweater needs it's own fanfic!, think are!you!sure jungkook. protective!jk, there's a creep who approaches reader as jungkook is off skiing, and whilst she's in the sauna(nothing bad happens.), sweet!wants!to!try!jk, jk has issues of not communicating too. they just can't seem to talk. avoiding stuff. teasing. touchy!jk, secret glances. jealousy, reader is very jealous,they're lying to themsleves, jungkook loves to take pictures especially of reader. hot tub jungkook who's looking up at you like you're a goddes. very needy kissing, boob sucking, dirty talking, oral(f!receiving.), handjob, cowgirl, protected!penetration, aftercare. hand kissing. [i don't know what else i need to add, let me know] as per usual, it was edited but if there are any errors, forgive me. A/N: this fic is honestly cause of that Jungkook green sweater I've never travelled to please don't come at me if anything is wrong. I very much world built some things. I've given written from top to bottom so don't except a part 2, unless maybe drabble requests. I wrote this in one week and i'm so proud i was able to write 22k words, in that time. though i was supposed to go up on the 25th[shhhhhh] A/N: i'm still learning how to write smut. so if you think the smut is cringe please don't tell me :) i don't wanna know. unless you want to help me improve it, and you do it kindly, i'd appreciate. likes, reblog, and all positive asks and comments are always appreciated. i hope you're happy with this one. [read under the cut]
You get the notification as you're scrolling through your phone. A remainder of sorts that you had been forgetting something. Cause you had been.
It loomed over you all week. The lingering feeling of remembering what you canât. You hated it. But now that you know itâs source you couldnât feel any worse.
Being the recipient of the message, youâre burdened with having to translate the message. Why do you have to do this? Broken up, having to text him feels like opening a can of worms. But the tickets are non-refundable, and it would be unfair for you to not inform him. You did both pay for them, Jungkook of course paying more because he was just too stubborn to split. he'd actually wanted to pay for the full thing but you were at odds with the idea. he settled eventually.
So, it would be unfair to not tell him. Right? Yes. But you donât want to believe it.
Even if how the hell are you going to remind your ex about the holiday trip you planned thinking youâd be together for; but in turn would celebrate separately. Before the notification of the trip.
To add on, now you have to open your chat. An action you dread to do; for your emotional health.
What are you actually going to say? You think, finger hovering over the keyboard. Something that wonât make you sound like youâve missed him, were thinking about him or even thinking about going on this trip with him. All which youâve been doing. Youâve succumb to the thoughts, only because you two broke up in October, still relatively early to just forget a 3-year relationship with someone you thought youâd marry.
Sigh.
You still havenât answered the question of how youâre even gonna bring it up. Will he even answer?
âshibalâ jimin laughs into the speaker, not helping you one bit. âyou two are ridiculous.â
You roll your eyes still waiting and hoping heâll say something sensible. Itâs all in vain. âHow the hell do you book a trip and break up just before. You couldnât wait?â He laughs and you just know heâs sat at his computer playing games, from his loud and unfocused speech.
âWe didnât freaking know weâd breakup.â You justify. âPlus, cause of the breakup we forgot. I forgot.â Your voice loses its strength at the end of the sentence, your mind slipping into a deep thought.
You havenât been able to remember anything of relevance since that day. Maybe only how to breath and live but youâd say your body takes full credit for that.
âHmm.â is all he says to you before screaming obscenities to someone in his game.
âJimin are you gonna be of any help or wh-â
âYou know what you should do?â
You want to believe his following statement will be of use, but you can never be certain.
âJust send itâ he groans from what you assume is an attack on him. Your brow raises. âSend him a screenshot of the notification. If he doesnât respond go on it on your own.â
âOr take me with youâ he whispers. If it came to it, would you even choose jimin to go with? Probably. Heâd help make it fun.
You sigh, still in the darkest of analysis. Itâs your best option what else could you say. So, you say your goodbye to jimin who is quick to go off to his game, without a second thought. Rude. Talking to him whilst heâs on his game is setting yourself up.
Back to having a staring contest with your phone. And after a long while of panic, thump fidgeting and dry eyes, you click on his contact (yes you still have it.) and just send the screenshot.
As you wait to make sure the picture is sent you catch a glimpse of the last text from your chat. You were avoiding slipping up and seeing it, but your eyes couldnât be helped.
Jungkook was the last to text.
Kookie<3: I miss you call me back.
Seeing the text makes your stomach churn. Makes your head spin with all the memories and emotions returning. You donât want to linger on it. Youâre quick to just sending the screenshot like jimin said, you only hope he doesnât ask too many questions. If he does respond. The little thought in your head surfaces. What if he wants nothing to do with you. What if youâre bothering him? You shouldnât have sent that text. But itâs too late now.
Youâre well aware his message was sent before you had broken up. The only reason you hadnât replied was because you couldnât. On the same day youâd called him back and told him how you didnât think youâd be able to do it anymore.
âMm?â he hums confused. You can hear it in his voice and it only makes you even more nervous to repeat.
âThis long-distance thing isnât working for us jungkook.â You bite you lower lip hoping to hide some of your emotions that threaten to ruin your speech. Your fingers fidget in the silence waiting for his response. But it never comes and for a moment you think heâs cut the call and youâve been talking to yourself. Thatâs when he sighs, showing you, heâs been listening but too shocked to speak.
You calling his full name, no nickname, strains at his heart. âAre you serious?â itâs calm, sad even. Of course heâs sad, youâre breaking up with him. Sad isnât even strong enough to describe what heâs feeling. Shock is just amongst them, maybe even a little anger. Youâve been going through a challenging period because of the difference in cities. But he never thought itâd come to this. Was it that bad?
âYeah.â Itâs weak defeated. You are, your whole relationship is.
Jungkook is awfully silent, heâs not sure why either. âIs there anything I can do?â heâs aware of the only solution available. But itâs not possible. Neither of your work will allow the other to move.
You shake your head like he can see it. but he doesnât need to see what your silence has already said.
After not much thought cause heâs not able to, he speaks. âIs this what you want?â his question only serves to add to your confusion.
âYou know itâs not but- âyou try to speak but the lump in your throat chokes you.
It hurts him that this is happening over a call. Wishes he couldâve spoken about it in person, cause thereâs more to it.
More that you havenât spoken about. Never have, and doubt you ever will or want to.
All this just makes the idea of this trip even more worrying. Thatâs if heâll want to go or even respond. You never got to know what he thought but you assume he has some sort of resentment for the way you ended things. You would too. Thatâs one of the things you feel guilty for.
Youâll say the way things ended was not ideal, and honestly it never made you feel good as you thought it would. It made you feel worse actually. But at least now you donât argue because you donât talk. Who are you kidding, you miss the arguments, something to remind he was there.
Guilt hovers but, you console yourself by saying that he probably wanted it too if he didnât try to fight for it. Which is unfair, but what else can you tell yourself as an excuse.
Your focus is now on your screen. Youâre about to exit the chat, but then those familiar popups of bubbles appear. Already?
The bubbles disappear and appear, which only serves to grow your anxiety. Is he about to rebuke you for texting him. Gosh, what the hell would you say after that? Heâs about to cuss you out. Suddenly your room feels too small to hold you and what youâre feeling.
But what pops up is even more anxiety inducing.
Kookie<3: Iâm in town. We should meet and talk tomorrow.
Why does he sound so professional? Why do you care. Oh- your mind, itâs spinning.
Heâs in town, when? Why didnât he tell you. This would be the first time you see him in a year since he moved. And he couldnât even just tell you he was in town. The reason to him being here is not unknown to you. Itâs the Christmas season and his parents do live in the same city as you. And just like you they were not happy about theyâre son moving so far away. But nothing was stopping jungkook. Nothing.
Youâre probably not important to him anymore but, couldnât he have just said, hi. Iâm in town. How long has he even been here for? You never thought heâd return to the city even for the holidays.
You shake the thoughts out of your head. You canât be over thinking this.
We?......meet?.....talk?.....TOMORROW!             Â
Tomorrow couldnât come any faster (not that you were excited for it.). Itâs almost as though it wants you and jungkook to meet.
You both agreed to meet at one of the small restaurants near your place. One you two frequented together, so it holds so much for you. Which only made you more anxious on your way.
When you walked in your eyes unconsciously moved to the table you and jungkook loved to seat at. It was good distance from the kitchen so your food could reach you quicker, and far from others so that jungkook could lean in and say the nastiest thing on earth. It always made you blush even though youâd swat at him. You spot jungkook sat where he usually sat. Coat taken off and hanged on his chair.
 âHey.â You choke out smiling politely as you reach the table and take off your coat, the inside of the restaurant too warm to be comfortable with it on.
You take a sit and allow your body to get accustomed to the environment. And jungkook.
Heâs quick to respond to your greeting just as awkward.
When youâre settled you finally get a chance to see just how much heâs changed in a year. The warm light from the ceiling softens his features which would normally be sharp in the dim lights of your bedroom. His hair is cut short. Last time you saw him it was neck length, but now itâs significantly short. Makes him look professional, mature. You like it, really like it. you wish you could just reach over and touch it, itâd probably be just as soft as you remember it and smell like lavender. You notice how he has it styled and gelled back so you doubt heâd be happy with you running your hands in it.
Jungkook spent an ungodly amount of time trying to get it to look like this, which he doesnât think is perfect enough, but he was running out of time. Something about this meeting had him wanting to go out. He just hopes you like it. he remembers you last saw it when it was longer. It was a big cut, but after your breakup, he felt like giving up the length, considering your hands loved to live in his hair.
You sit hand in lap waiting for your mouth to catch up with how fast your brain is working. Though if you did speak what your brain was thinking, youâd embarrass yourself.
âWe should order first.â He says rolling up the sleeves of his navy-blue denim shirt. The action reminding of the inks on his arm. A detail that adds to how attractive he is already. Youâre really hating yourself for your thoughts. In your defence you havenât seen him in the flesh for a year. âWhat do you wanna get?â he picks up his menu and you do too, stuttering in your movement. He seems calmer than you right now.
But the only thing is that heâs shitting himself inside. when he was sat before you came, his heart dropped every time he heard the door bells chime. Every time he turned it wasnât you. Only increasing his nervousness. Maybe he was a little to forward with his message. You havenât seen each other in a while and itâd probably be overwhelming, especially with a certain elephant in the room. He wouldâve definitely understood if you didnât want to show. On the chime of the door that followed his thoughts, he didnât turn, only for it to be you. In your full glory, making him fidget with his phone more. Which he put aside immediately you sat down.
Clearing your throat you speak, âsomething soup-y. Todayâs a little cold.â And you donât feel like throwing up what you eat.
Jungkook agrees and his red nose is evidence of that. Cute, you think.
After your orders are taken you turn back to silence. What could you probably say right now? You can feel the distance between you emotionally. And you hate how this is how you are after not seeing each other for a year. Before breaking up you thought of the many ways, youâd hug him once you got to see him. You were definitely delusional over how serious your distance was. Really wanting to believe it wouldnât be a problem; until it became one, and you just couldnât do it anymore.
You donât know how to behave right now.
âSo, when did you get back?â you settle on a soft and casual tone.
âJust yesterday.â He speaks sounding a little hesitant. After not knowing where to look you decide to just look at one thing. The table.
After beats of silence, you continue. Can your food come any faster? âyouâre staying with your parents?â
âYeah.â
You lived together, in your used to be shared apartment before he decided to move. So, his only option was to live with his parents for the mean time. He assumed you wouldnât want or even let him live with you. And it would be fair, you arenât together anymore.
âIâm Sure they were shocked to see how much youâve change.â Cause you are. You havenât seen his parents in the same time that he hasnât seen them.
âIt was a surprise drop in so Iâm sure they wereâ he says with weak chuckle. He bites into his lip before heâs looking at you again, but you donât stare at him. Itâs only when you realize his stare that you finally face him. âHow have you been? You look well.â Heâs dreading himself right now for not being able to speak to someone who has been, for 3 years, the only person he could speak to.
You do look good, and he canât take his mind off it. the camera has not been doing you justice. Your skin looks brighter and you generally are just glowing. Gosh he missed looking at you. The way small dainty jewellery serves to compliment your outfit. Your hair done in a way you like, and he loves.
âI try.â You smile. Every chance you get you take a glace at his lip piercing. Youâd forgotten just how it made him even the more--. âYou look well too. Howâs the job going?â
He sucks in a breath, showing visible stress at the thought of his job. âitâs going okay. Easiest way to put it.â he chuckles, awkwardly. You smile, awkwardly too. âI missed it here though, so much stuff I left behind.â
You just hum, nodding. Avoiding how his eyes glancing over you, just for a second as he was looking for where to keep his gaze whilst speaking.
âBut Iâm sure youâre having fun that side.â That side. He can hear the strength you put on the words. Instead of fiddling on your lap you decide to fold your arms on your chest. Finding it appropriate for the feelings that are sneaking in.
âYou can say that, but thereâs just something that feels empty yâknow.â You do know, but you both choose to leave the conversation implicit.
And right on time, your food arrives saving you from saying anything. What the heck would you say when you canât even think.
You two are soon digging into your food. Jungkook in his kimchi jjigae and you in yours.
âI missed this- mmm.â He hums making that little angry face he makes when he likes food. You laugh, a little to loud at that causing him to look up at you. You drop your smile.
âMrs Kim always asks me about you when I come here.â 6 slices of chopped spring onion garnish you havenât eaten, yet.
He leans back in his chair, unintentionally watching you eat.
He turns his head towards the kitchen where the lady in question usually spends her time. âWhere is she anyways?â heâs back to digging into his food. the steam from the food warming his cold nose.
âsheâs visiting sung Hoon in the US.â You inform him, taking in how relaxed youâve become.
He nods at the info, âAhh- she finally got to got to the US?â he smiles. He remembers how she would come to the table; sheâd complain that her son doesnât want her to visit, which was not the case. But being the dramatic lady she is, she would think that. â âm sure she was so excited.â
âno one could hear the end of it.â
He chuckles and you find yourself laughing too. But as much as youâre seemingly getting comfortable (though not wholly.) silence finds a way to wrap itâs long, cold and slimy finger around you two.
After youâre done eating your meals in silence, jungkook thinks itâs time to discuss the reason youâre even meeting. Cause you have nothing more to talk about.
âwhatâs the plan for the trip?â he shifts in his seat. âAssuming youâd want to go.â He doubts.
You take a deep breath before speaking, looking over at the whole scene of the restaurant. âI donât know, weâd leave on Thursday. Assuming youâd want to go too.â You would want to go, thatâs why you booked the trip. Itâs only your situation that makes it awkward.
âDo you?â his question comes out fast and sudden and he regrets how quick it came out.
âMm?â you mutter like you couldnât hear what he said.
He clarifies choosing to speak more calmly and composed. âDo you want to go?â
The question takes you aback as though you hadnât been asking yourself the same thing.
Reaching to play with the little gem on your necklace you stutter out. âI-I mean- yeah we spent money on it.â you shrug your shoulders as if youâre unconsciously saying otherwise, but really, youâre just trying to keep your statement open. In case he doesnât want to go, and youâre left embarrassed with an extra ticket.
Jungkook instead takes your action as you probably not wanting to go. âI get it if you donât. Itâs a weird situation.â His hands move to touching his hair.
You trying to jump in but end up speaking a little too fast. âNo, I do. Plus, I hate wasting money.â You do hate wasting money, truly. And it is just that and the fact that you would love a trip right now, to de-stress.
âBut do you want to go with me?â that churning feeling in your stomach is returning, and youâve just eaten which makes it all the much better.
Biting down on your lip and releasing it you say, âI mean I wouldnât want to go on my own.â You hate how you feel your throat choking up. âWho else would I go with?â you awkwardly joke. There are some people youâd go with. But you planned this trip with jungkook and he paid the much for the tickets. So, itâs only fair to go with him. If he wants to.
He skips your question, not in bad taste. itâd be weird for you to go on a trip you planned with him with someone else. Maybe he did think of it, that maybe youâd enjoy it more if you werenât with him. But then he thought it through. Shit doesnât have to be awkward unless you both make it. so, you can enjoy this trip if you just agree to enjoy it. âI donât mind going with you, but I donât want you to feel forced to have me there.â
âI have no problem with you, jungkook.â You saying his name even though itâs not the pet name he enjoys feels like a warm touch to him. âI just want to know if you wanna go.â You find it in you to ask.
âI donât mind it at all.â He says, relieving you of your fears.
He sighs. After he silence speaks. âI canât believe I forgot about it. I was so excited for it too.â he reminiscing on the day. It was such a good idea. Is a good idea, if you just agree to enjoy it.
âSo? Itâs settled right?â You sit up grabbing your stuff and preparing to leave. Jungkookâs smile falls realizing that the moment is ending. But he will see you soon still.
âYeah.â He prepares to leave too.
âWe leave Thursday, I guess. Weâll stay in touch.â
And thatâs it, your conversation ends with you managing to avoid the larger topic at hand. Itâs like a game.
You throw your clothes in haphazardly. Youâre in a panic, which is not necessary cause you have enough time, the whole day to be precise. Your flightâs tomorrow. But the whole airport thing has always found a way to make you panic.
You grab some essentials, but in frustration. Maybe you just want to get it over with. The packing, not the trip. Honestly it feels like itâs already started. Is this how youâre going to be.
As you search through your closet you land on a sweater, one you remember too well. Itâs green colour and fluffy soft texture makes it the warmest thing you own. A very memorable sweater, for the warmth it brought you and its origin. You can still smell him on it. You dread packing it and resort to shoving it further in your closet. Youâll think about it.
You stare at your zipped up suitcase for a bit before your eyes gloss over to your phone that buzzes on your bed. For a split second you wonder if itâs jungkook. Could he have changed his mind. you sigh relived when you see itâs just jimin.
Who chooses to say nothing of value and just tease you. âHonestly why do I tell him these things.â You throw your phone on your bed.
Jungkook stands over his already packed suitcase. He just has to zip it closed and seal this trip. He sighs rubbing his lower lip. Before you two broke up he had so much planned for this trip. So much he wanted to say and do. But it's different now and itâd be weird and wrong to say those things. Not before talking of course.
Is he looking forward to this trip? Yes-wait- maybe. The trip in itself is fine, a great and good idea and opportunity to enjoy a holiday and relax. But your presence entails something more something he has to deal with (in a responsible and good way) and that he's been running away from.
 "You're excited huh?" his mother smiles leaning against his door frame, watching. He's not sure what about his facial expression, body language or general demeanour would make her think that he's excited. Itâs not like heâs dreading or regretting it. itâs more like excitement is the last thing heâs feeling cause of all heâs thinking of.
He doesn't say anything before she's speaking again.
"You need this trip. you've been so busy." He has. Too much at that. So much that he forgot you two had even broken up and was about to go to your place first when he arrived. Heâd been so excited to surprise you, then it dawned on him. His tires were quick to turning. His thoughts are cut short by his mother. "it'll help you spend more time with yn."
"I guess." he replies unenthusiastically. Though itâs the same idea theyâre both thinking of it in a different context. Something that his mother doesnât know yet.
He doesn't stare at where she stands only at his suitcase analysing what he's packed and what the heck is actually going on. "Plus, it would be a perfect place to propose." She enthuses, joyous at the thought. He seems to have slightly forgotten about that detail too.
 When you were planning the trip, he made a plan to propose to you on it. It honestly is the perfect place to and he felt like it was the right time. Of course, you'd be arguing but it wasn't something that was holding back your relationship. Plus, he thought you'd talked it out well enough. So, he spent his free time after planning the trip, shopping for rings and looking proposal ideas and even asked some of his colleagues for advice. Itâd be a trip where you got to spend some time after being away for so long.
But that's when you called and honestly kicked him in the balls. Too confused he just went along with it.
"Switzerland is such a good choice, you kids are so good at these things." She says probably imaging herself there too. Itâs not long before his eyes are staring at the black velvet box on his dressing table, and his head is spinning all over again. He knows how excited she gets about this and she wonât stop. âYou could take a walk and then pull out the Ring with those mountains in the back and-"
"Eomma!" His deep voice stops her, not harshly but whiny. Not telling his parents about the breakup is honestly the most overwhelming thing because of how his mother adores you and finds a way to bring you up in every conversation. she could go on but the tired look on her son's face makes her stop. She wants to pry on why he looks more drained that ecstatic but she chooses against it.
âIs something wrong?â
He realizes just how carried away heâs getting with his emotions. He shakes his head. âno. Iâm just stressed.â He finally looks up at her to give a smile that doesnât reach his eyes but she returns.
"Sorry, you know how I get carried away. I'm sure you have your own plan let me not stress you."
She leaves and he sighs
No. He has no plan of his own. He has no plan at all.
Your suitcase handle is firmly clutched into your hand as you walk into the airport.
Your eyes scan the crowd. Every face. Each bag too, because you know which one he'd probably be carrying with him. Seeing it again is gonna be triggering cause the last time you saw it was the last time you saw him off.
You and jungkook agreed to come separately and since his parents lived closer to the airport he'd be here first and wait for you by security. But now that you're there you can't see him. Maybe he's a little late but why wouldn't he tell you.
You told him you had just arrived but he hasn't even seen that message. Has he changed his mind? is the first thing that pops up in your head. If he has that's a shitty way to do it. Just ghost you?
So, you pull out your phone to call him. âPick up." You mutter under your breath.
No answer.
You feel stupid. It honestly feels like you're on a Lifetime show or even worse TLC.
Your annoyance bubbles over as you glance around the busy security area. "Where is he?" you ask yourself.
 Though you think he has, you doubt jungkook would just ghost you. It's not what you know him to be. You tap your foot impatiently and try to call him again. Still nothing. Your heart finally relaxes when you spot him already walking to you. "Seriously?" You say a little upset when he finally reaches. "Why didn't you answer your phone?"
"Oh. I didn't hear it." He says pulling it out of his pocket. "Must be on silent. Iâm sorry." He looks at you genuinely so. And you canât bring yourself to be as mad as you want to be. Itâs not a big deal, heâs here now.
âitâs okay, we should get going, weâre almost late.â You say frustrated with how traffic delayed your arrival. Jungkook just hums agreeing and surprising you by taking you suitcase. Youâd tell him itâs fine and you can manage but heâs already walking ahead of you. Probably not wanting to hear it.
A tense silence stretches between you two as you wait to board your plane. Sitting side by side has never felt so awkward, like the space between you is miles wide. You scroll through your phone, pretending to be so into it. You donât notice Jungkook stealing occasional glances at you. Or rather, at the sweater youâre wearingâthe one he gave you (more like you took.) just before he moved to another town. The green complimenting your skin. He loves how it just melts to fit you. Heâs glad to know that youâre warm, heâs aware of how incredibly warm it is.
He wonders if youâre wearing it deliberately, or if itâs just because itâs the warmest thing you own, and todayâs even colder than yesterday. Probably no meaning behind it. At least, thatâs what he tells himself. Though itâs not enough to stop him from developing a smile on his face, one he covers with his hand.
The low hum of voices and the faint crackle of the airport announcements fill the silence. Someone walks past, dragging a squeaky suitcase, the airport noises the only thing between the two of you.
âI know this is awkward.â He starts randomly, at first doubting he was talking to you but then you move your attention to him, when you realize itâs only you he can be talking to. Itâs not like you were looking at anything on your phone. âI want us to enjoy it. I want you to enjoy it.â
âI want you to enjoy it too.â You find yourself speaking before your brain can process.
He smiles and turns to meet your eyes. All of a sudden, he feels so close. âSo can we just pretend.â His eyes donât move, if possible, they stare even deeper into yours. Yours donât move as well. âPretend like everythingâs okay.â He speaks low as if he doesnât want others around to hear. âAgree?â
You havenât said much, instead just let him speak. âAgreed.â
You donât mind pretending. Youâve been pretending youâre okay all this time, so why canât you do it now.
-
You watch Jungkook sliding the bags into the overhead storage above your seats. He notices you approaching and nods for you to have the window seat.
âYou sure?â you ask only because he called dibs when you planned the trip that heâd be getting the window seat.
He nods. âYeah. I know you like it more than I do.â You do. He only called dibs because he was trying to âone upâ you like everythingâs a game.
You squeeze passed him get comfortable in your seat and heâs soon sitting next to you. Youâre glad itâs just two seats.
You sit in silence for most of the flight, each pretending to be too absorbed in your own activities to notice the other. Jungkook watches you out of the corner of his eye as you scroll through your phone, then switch to reading a book. This trip canât be that bad, you tell yourself. Of course, you two havenât talked about your breakup, but it doesnât have to come up. Youâll just enjoy the weekend and go back to normal, like he saidâpretend---if either of you even knows what that means.
What are the boundaries of pretending.
At some point, you shift in your seat, leaning against him, your head resting on his shoulder. Youâre asleep, of course, but Jungkook glances down at you, momentarily startled. He considers waking you but decides against it. Instead, he leans back slightly, letting you stay there.
As the plane hums softly and moves through the sky, Jungkook canât help but wonder if this trip could be his chance to fix things. How does he want it to happen? Does he even know? All he knows it that you do eventually have to talk about things. Do you even want to talk about it, because you seem to be avoiding it.
But thereâs only so much avoiding you can do.
As soon as the plane lands, you stretch in your seat, surprised you managed to sleep for that long. Glancing at Jungkook, you watch as he pulls the luggage from the overhead bin. He looks like he didnât get any sleep at all, you had been sleeping on his shoulder for most of the time. You exchange a brief lookâjust acknowledging each other and your present momentâbefore heading off the plane
The crisp Swiss air hits you as you step outside the terminal, and you follow Jungkook as he gets into a cab and it drives confidently toward a car rental area, which youâre confused about but donât ask. Jungkook picks up keys from the reception and you walk through the parkin lot looking for what you donât know. Youâre just following. You stare at him puzzled as he dangles the keys. Heâs been quiet, and you hadnât even expected to rent a car. Public transport seemed like the plan, but now that you think about it, you remember how Jungkook feels about it.
âYou rented a car?â you raise a brow.
He nods, âyeah, itâd be easier. Thought youâd approve.â
He catches a glance of your face, like youâre trying to figure something out, but canât.
âHmm.â You only hum.
âYou look cute when youâre confusedâ. He takes you by surprise. âCome on.â He says walking and not letting you process his words. You just try to shake them out of your head.
You donât admit it, but you're impressed. He thought ahead. And youâre honestly glad he didâsomething you feel heâs been lacking the past year.
Once heâs done packing the luggage into the car, he closes the trunk and slides into the driverâs seat. Youâre not sure why youâre shocked to find out itâs a Mercedes-benz g63 amg. Youâd always known he had an obsession with luxury cars, especially ones like this. The fact that his job pays so well certainly helps, you guess moving out of town mustâve been worth it.
The car is great-- so comfortable, and the heater works perfectly, keeping you warm against the cold.
As Jungkook adjusts the mirrors, you scroll through your contacts, trying to figure out what to call the person you booked the cabin with, âwhat do I call them a host?â You mutter under your breath before dialling the number.
Jungkook glances at you as you speak to the host in quick tones. "Got it, thanks," you say, giving a quick wave of your phone toward Jungkook. With the directions noted you can now get to moving.
"Okay, so we head north, then take-â
âNorth?" Jungkook interrupts, starting the engine. "Are you sure it's not west or whatever?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.
You glare at him. He glances at one map and thinks he knows his way around Switzerland.
"I just talked to the guy," you say flatly.
Jungkook smirks, recalling a past trip. "Remember last time we travelled, and we ended up on a dead-end street?" he says with a cheeky smile on his face. heâs teasing you.
You roll your eyes at the memory. You had been driving through the outskirts, and your GPS got wonky, causing you to go down a deserted road.
âIf youâd listened to me, we wouldnât have gotten lost,â you reply.
You stop bickering, finally following the GPS. Jungkook decides to follow the directions, and the tension eases as you leave the city behind.
The atmosphere shifts, replaced by a sense of awe at the breathtaking scenery. Low-capped mountains stretch into the horizon, Swiss chalets dot the landscape, and the sun reflects off the lakes. Youâre glad you arrived during the day; cause nighttime would not have done the view justice.
You watch out the window, your voice filled with awe. "Oh my gosh, it's so beautiful." Jungkook glances at your direction before returning his attention to the road. "Yeah, it is," he agrees, equally mesmerized by the view.î
"Can you grab my camera from the back?" he askes. Recalling his passion for photography, you canât be surprised he has it with him.
You pull out the camera from his bag, noticing itâs larger and more expensive looking than the one you had gifted him. "Do you still have your other one?" youâre curious.
He knows what youâre hinting to. "It fell in water during a fishing trip with my team, but I'm getting it fixed."
âDo you still have the pictures.â Youâd hate to lose them, even though they are null and void now, you still like how happy you looked in them.
âYeah. Theyâre in my SD.â He informs you and youâre glad.
You fumble with the new camera, struggling to operate its buttons, he notices. "There's a button just there," he directs. Though you arenât much of a photographer, you manage to snap some decent shots of the scene. You take a lot to make sure you have options.
Feeling playful, you turn the camera to jungkook and snap a pic of him. You had always admired his model-like features and often joked he should pursue modelling instead of his current path, which kept him 218 miles away. But now you realize modelling would only take him even farther.
He never agreed to the idea but never argued either. He preferred to appreciate beauty rather than be the centre of attention.
"Did you just take a picture of me?" he asks, a hint of surprise in his voice.
"Yeah, just one," you reply.
He doesnât respond, leaving you to wonder what heâs thinking. Is he upset? Did you cross a pretending line?
"Wanna stop and take pictures," he grins, "yâknow for your Instagram."
Itâs not a bad idea, but you donât want to be late and have the host waiting for too long.
"We won't be long." he looks over to see if youâre considering. He smiles when sees that you are. You don't post much on Instagram, and he knows that. But it wouldn't hurt to have some pictures from this trip.
"Let's be quick," you accept.
He pulls over to the side of the road and when youâre out heâs approaching you to take the camera. "Let me take some of you first," you insist. He isnât so keen on it though.
"Just a few," you whine dodging him trying to take it from your hands.
"We're supposed to be quick." He reminds you. "And you know I'm not a fan of pictures of me."
 You not wanting to bicker. You hand it over to him. "But I will take pictures of you eventually," itâs a promise.
You quickly get posing on a spot you like, and he snaps several pictures. Some you were prepared for, while others were candid of you looking up a bird flying over, like youâve never seen a bird before. or just in awe of the scene behind. Why do the birds seem so majestic here?
Jungkook smiles as he continues to take photos, forgetting the time. "I think that's enough. We're going to be late," you say, running out of poses to do.
You start walking to the car and he snaps one more picture of the scene before getting back and starting the car. Whilst adjusting to the warmth he hands you the camera.
"These are so pretty," you bulge your eyes out at how good jungkook is at taking pictures. You can definitely see the difference. Jungkook canât help but feel a sense of pride. You scroll through the camera, admiring more pictures.
Then you scroll a little too far and notice a series of photos featuring a friendâsomeone he seems to be close to. In one, she leans on his shoulder, a gesture that causes some type of discomfort or irritation. You couldnât be sure, youâre too busy scrolling. She smiles too hard, you judge.
gosh you're pathetic. Why are you acting like this. The man is not your boyfriend he can do whatever. The statement causes an unwanted sour taste to form over your taste buds.
You continue to scroll, analysing the photos, each one deepening your insecurities.
"Careful, you're gonna damage the buttons," Jungkook jokes when he notices your rushed movement. He wonders what has you that way.
When he speaks, youâre brought back to reality. Though youâre brought back with an attitude. You switch off the device and lay it back where you found it, sitting back down with a scowl on your face and jungkook wonders the cause.
You had been fine just a moment ago. He doesnât say anything and focuses fully on the road ahead. The silent drive to the cabin feels anything but aesthetic.
You sigh as the car slows, leaving behind the snow-covered path. When you approach the cabin, itâs instantly recognizable from the photo. At least you werenât lost or scammed. The place looks serene. Itâs blanketed in snow. Itâs not like those huge family ones. Itâs small just to fit you and jungkook. Youâd have no money to buy anything or activities if you booked those larger ones. And theyâre unnecessary cause itâs just the two of you.
Jungkook parks the car, and as you both step out, the awkwardness thatâs shadowed the trip returns. It had been there from the beginning, lingering beneath exchanges and strained silences. Brief moments, like taking pictures earlier, had been relieving, but even that had soured quickly. Now, neither of you had much to say.
The cabinâs host, a kind older man with a thick Swiss accent, greets you warmly, showing you around the cozy interior and pointing out the back patio before leaving. Once alone, you both quietly bring in the luggage. The silence is deafening, broken only by the crunch of snow you step on.
Due to your irritation that some how still lingered you step a little too hard on the icy ground, and in an instant, your foot slips. You land awkwardly in a mix of snow and dirt, the impact cushioned but still hurting.
âAre you okay?â Jungkook calls, his voice tinged with concern and amusement. Heâd drop the luggage to come check on you if you hadnât brushed him away with your hand.
Still irritated, now cause of the fall, you dust yourself off and move yourself inside. You drop the luggage in bedroom and start taking off your sweater, only to have Jungkook walk in moments later.
âOne bed,â he states, looking at the large, centred piece of furniture. âLooks comfy.â You seem to have forgotten the cabin was loverâs themed, so it did only have one bed. The host had asked you if it was a problem when he saw the look on your face but you just brushed it away at you being tired.
You glance at the bed, then at him. âYeah. Guess youâll have to take the couch,â you joke, though your tone comes out flatter than intended.
âNope.â He flops onto the bed, which creaks under his weight, making him pause to check if itâs broken. When it holds, he relaxes. âIâm sleeping right here.â
You sigh, deciding itâs not worth arguing. Youâve shared a bed beforeâit shouldnât be a big deal so many times at that. But those times are not now and you have to deal with your new circumstance.
âIâm gonna take a shower,â you announce, expecting him to leave the room. Instead, he sprawls comfortably on the bed.
âKnock yourself out,â he replies casually.
Groaning, you grab your toiletries and head to the bathroom. The hot water feels like a gift, relaxing your tense muscles. If only the whole trip could feel this peaceful.
When you return, Jungkook is gone, though his shoes by the door confirm he hasnât gone far. You search through your suitcase for a sweater, only to realize you packed just one sweaterâthe one now wet and dirty. Frustration bubbles as you grab a thin, long-sleeved shirt. Itâll have to do, though you doubt itâll keep you warm in tomorrowâs outdoor activities.
Meanwhile, Jungkook in the kitchen has immersed himself in exploring the layout of it. whilst on his expedition his attention drifts to a tiny blue bird minding its business outside the window. He leans into it but carefully not to scare it away. Thankfully it doesnât seem to find him a bother. âGot any advice for me?â he murmurs, taking a peek behind him. The bird doesnât react, oblivious to his internal conflict. Heâs unsureâabout you, about himself, about what this trip is supposed to accomplish.
When you enter the kitchen and done talking to his new friend who doesnât present him with anything viable but his company, heâs quick to point out the lack of groceries. âWe should go shopping. Itâs on your itinerary, right?â he teases lightly.
You nod, unsurprised he remembers. Youâd always been the planner, the one who thought of everything. Maybe thatâs why the breakup hurt so muchâit came so suddenly, leaving no time to plan how to feel or move on.
As heâs about to suggest leaving immediately, he notices you rubbing your arms. âArenât you cold?â he asks, gesturing to your thin shirt.
âIâm fine,â you reply dismissively, though you clearly arenât.
âPut on a sweater before you get sick,â he insists. His boyfriend instincts linger, even now.
You hesitate but eventually admit, âI forgot to pack an extra one.â The way how stares at you is so embarrassing for you.
Jungkook chuckles softly, though not unkindly. âOf course you did.â You roll your eyes. He moves to grab a sweater from his suitcase and hands it to you. âHere. Borrow this.â
You take it, the faint scent of his cologne that seems to be on everything he wears no matter how much he washes, invaded your senses. âThanks,â you say quietly, slipping it on and hoping not to ruin this one too.
By the time you return from the store, exhaustion settles in. You both sit in the living room, cups of hot cocoa in hand. Jungkook flips through the channels while you sit quietly, the warmth of his sweater and the fire calming you.
âYouïżœïżœïżœve made a lot of friends in Jeju,â you say suddenly, your tone sharper than intended.
Jungkook pauses, confused. âWhat friends?â
âColleagues, maybe? Customers? I saw the pictures on your camera,â you admit, staring into your cup instead of at him.
He leans back, waiting. He knows what youâre referring to and could explain that the woman in the photos was a client a little too excited and touchy about her wedding rehearsal photos, and had wanted photos with him. But he wants you to ask.
Instead, the silence stretches, filled with unspoken questionsâquestions about Jeju, the photos, the breakup, and even yourself. You sigh, pushing them aside.
âis there something you wanna ask?â
âThereâs nothing I want to ask,â you finally say, though the bitterness in your voice betrays the truth.
Jungkook laughs softly, shaking his head. âI thought we agreed on pretending.â His voice is still soft.
âI know. Just donât want you pretending if youâve got other things going on.â
Jungkook chuckles taking a sip of his cocoa.â Iâm good.â
âIâm good too.â
âGood.â
You watch him stand a sly smirk adoring his face. âletâs go back to pretending now, okay?â he says looking at you.
You mumble a sure and he walks off. Probably to sleep.
Sleeping the same bed is even more awkward. After spending some minutes youâd decide you were too tired to be awake, you came the bedroom.
Jungkook was still awake staring at his phone, and for some reason shirtless. He likes to sleep shirtless and the tension between you two isnât going to stop him.
Jungkook tries to keep his eyes to himself as you change into your pajamas. You didnât want to be childish so you just changed right there. Itâs nothing heâs never seen before. He wonât act like the action doesnât cause a rise in memories and he holds himself to not thinking further. Soon youâre crawling into your side and laying facing away from him. Jungkook chooses to lie on his back, the bed big enough for you to keep your distance. He turns off the lights but your eyes remain open staring into the dark.
As the night continues, none of you are able to fall asleep. Jungkook tries to make himself comfortable, his shifting cause you to think he might be moving closer, but he doesnât. why do you feel sad. Your brain is used to being close to him and him holding you in situations like this. And he too is used to wrapping his arms around you and pulling you closer into him. But thereâs none of that.
âI canât fucking sleep.â he groans frustratedly sitting up. He runs his hands in his hair. He looks over at you thinking youâre asleep, the darkness preventing him from actually knowing. Heâs jealous at the idea of you being able to sleep, but when your frustrated voice sounds, heâs relieved. Relieved that heâs not the only not able to sleep.
âSame.â You mutter remaining on your side.
Jungkook huffs and puffs contemplating on asking what heâd been debating. Your bodies are probably used to sleeping closer to each other, so maybe thatâsâ why itâs hard. You surely wonât mind if it means you get to sleep right?
He looks over to you and how far you seem from. He doesnât like, hates the reality of it. âCan I sleep closer to you.â His words and the fact that he actually said takes you aback. You freeze. Your silence is killing him, he shouldnât have said it. he should take it back, wellâbut heâs already sai-
âOkay.â Okay? Well, that was easy, he thought youâd be looking at him weird. but no, you just lay on your side waiting for him.
When he said closer you never thought he meant this close. Youâre the closest you can be. But you donât mind it, it actually brings you that giddy feeling, like itâs your first time cuddling. You realize just how much you missed it. He nuzzles his face in your neck and this is when heâd kiss your shoulder and neck but he doesnât and the detail is gravely missed. He has to hold himself from not doing it.
âWeâre going to move to the middle of the bed, darling.â Itâs only then that you realize how much at the edge you were. You shuffle yourselves and move into the center and get comfortable in the position.
âAre you comfortable?â
So much you hate to say it. You canât even bring yourself to be angry. ây-yeah.â You can barely respond coherently with how his voice is so close sending goosebumps all over you.
âCan I put my around you? Itâs the only place I can put it.â he tries to explain, but you were actually hoping for it.
You nod for him to go ahead and he wraps his arm around you. Honestly, he shouldâve just asked if he could cuddle you, because this is basically what youâre doing. He didnât have to mask it; youâd have said yes either way. He doesnât know that though.
Now that youâre close to him and him to you, you both weirdly fall asleep, very quickly at that.
First thing on your itinerary was to visit the Lindt home of chocolate youâd been drooling at the thought of it since you planned this trip. It would honestly be a crime to visit Switzerland and not visit the Lindt factory. Being a lover of chocolate no activity on your list will be as good as this.
âI donât know why they have us putting our bags away.â Jungkook whines taking off his jacket, as required and placing it in a locker. âHow am I supposed to carry my chocolate.â His speech is almost childlike. You just chuckle.
 â Thatâs why they do it.â You inform him, with a soft smile and start to walk ahead of him. Jungkook walks behind you, watching how you look around with wonder.
Did he mention how good he feels right now. The sleep he had last night was the best heâs had in a while. And it only serves to tell him how much heâs missed your presence. Just you as a whole. Being away from you for so long has had an effect on him too. Itâs only now, that heâs not able to do all the things he used to do, that he realizes how much heâs missed it. And how much you mean to him.
âOh my gosh.â Jungkook watches how you take in the aroma of chocolate. It invades his senses and when youâre turning around to check on him, heâs nodding. You want him to enjoy this just as you are.
You gasp and itâs when you spot the huge chocolate fountain that you pull Jungkookâs attention to it by his arm. âitâs so fucking huge.â You say still holding onto him.
âthatâs what she said.â
You roll your eyes. âGrow up.â You both laugh. and itâs when youâre lost in laughter and admiring the fountain that jungkook looks down to see you still holding his arm. So, in a swift action of no thought, all instinct he moves to hold your hand.
Your head sharply moves to look at him then at his hand holding yours and then back up at him. Heâs got this innocent smile on his face and you canât help but warm up into his hold. You donât mind the action of holding hands but you fear what it implies. Is he for real or still pretending?
For the first minutes you stay holding hands, until jungkook is pulling away to grab his camera. You rub you hands together to try and regain your sense of independence. What the heck are you doing, holding hands? This pretending thing Is a good idea, but itâs definitely messing with you in some way. All ways. Heâs giving you things that youâve been craving. The cuddle at night, the holding hands, youâve missed it all. But you donât know where itâs coming from, does he miss you too or is he pretending. To think of it you never really discussed what type of pretending youâre doing. Are you pretending to still be together or are you pretending to be good friends. Gosh this is so stressful. And confusing. You wonder if heâs stressing like you are. He seems calm. Heâs handling this so well.
âWaitâI need a picture of you. Stand still.â He points the camera to you and youâre quick to turning your head away.
âitâs fine you donât need to-â snap.
He doesnât give you the time to object and just snaps. âJungkook stop taking pictures of me.â He doesnât. youâre embarrassed to be doing this in public. But he seems thrilled. âOkay wait-â he doesnât so you choose to reaching for the Lense. But jungkook doesnât mind filling his storage with pictures of your palm. âKook, wait.â
âKook?â he questions smiling. You realize your mistake. Honestly you didnât mean to call him that, it just came out naturally for you to get him to stop. And it worked. Though now it shifts the air.
You groan. âI didnât mean it like that.â You roll your eyes. You donât even know what youâre saying.
He doesnât linger on it more, which honestly helps your case. The blush on your face is deserving of a picture. Snap.
âStop that before I revoke your privileges.â You threaten. He doesnât want that.
He raises his hands in surrender. âwonât do it again.â
You ignore him and turn to keep walking.
âCan take more later though?â
You donât answer, but he takes it as a yes. Youâve always been his muse, itâs not gonna stop now. His camara is now getting some action.
This place is actually so beautiful, smells amazing too. The pictures you saw did not do it justice.
âLook at the strawberries, the nuts. AhâIâm in heaven.â
Jungkook smiles as he watches enjoy and pointing for him to look at the large container, of everything that goes well with chocolate. Heâs really just happy that youâre including him, by telling him how much you freaking love this place or how you want to stay here forever. It makes him feel like things arenât all that bad between the two of you and it can be fixed.
âWhy are you looking at me like that.â You narrow your eyes at him. Gosh he forgot how long he was looking for. Youâd been telling him something but he zoned out.
âOh-nothing.â He clears his throat.
You just brush it off, cause if you linger on it, youâll melt. Jungkook looking at you has been a weakness for you, thereâs just something about him focusing on you and having only you in sight. âAnyway, I was saying try this.â
He doesnât regain his consciousness before youâre bringing a spoon full of chocolate to his lips. he takes it, tasting the sweetness of it.
He licks the chocolate off his lips when you pull away. âMmmâŠ.so good.â You nod glad that he likes it. Though way heâs looking at you makes you think he might not be talking about the chocolate. You choose to ignore your thoughts with a cough.
As you go on you learn facts about chocolate and the factory and jungkook takes the pictures. When walking around you make sure to not forget to collect little pieces of chocolate from the dispensers. And itâs not long before your hands are getting full.
When your expedition is over, youâre returning to your bags to stuff them with your treasure.
âThis is a lot of chocolate.â Jungkook states.
You shake your head. âitâs not that much.â
âYeah of course an addict is telling me that.â
You gasp. âIâm not an addict.â
âTell that to all the money Iâve spent buying you chocolate.â Money which it didnât mind and loved spending.
âHonestly thatâs all on you.â You say raising your hands. He chuckles.
Getting tired you both decide to go by the café inside the factory. Whilst there you both order some food to eat which is not chocolate, except you. For your beverage you picked to drink the famous hot cocoa. Which tastes like heaven made it themselves.
âHow do I take this home with me?â you say motioning to your drink.
âJust stay.â He meant to say you both could just stay, but his tongue tripped.
You nod, thinking about it. âI could.â Moving to Switzerland and living here would be a dream. But unfortunately, things arenât that easy. Finding a job would be hard, plus the language barrier would kill you.
âdonât.â heâs almost pleading. âI donât know how Iâd tell your family I lost you to Switzerland.â More like he doesnât know how heâd fix things.
âHonestly itâs no competition.â You say in deep thought and analysis.
âWhat? you would leave me for Switzerland?â He says it not realizing causing you to chuckle. And when you look at him, he gets it.
The conversation doesnât go farther after that. Jungkook just stays in his thought. When jungkook had made the decision to move. He honestly thought it wouldnât be that bad. Heâd plan on maybe moving you out to him when he settled down, but your job was a very hot topic. At the time he hadnât realized how serious it was. But now he does.
If it was you moving, heâd be just as hurt. And it pissing him off that he hadnât realize the impact.
For your second and last activity for the day, cause of the way time just flies by; is the largest indoor flea market.
You spend your time there; just looking around, eating, and buying stuff. During your move you make it a mission to take pictures of jungkook. And you do manage to take some good ones.
He also finds an opportunity to ask about your work and how itâs going. And if that co-worker that bothers you is still around. Heâs glad to learn that she did get moved to another department. Heâs happy with whatever makes you comfortable.
As youâre talking, youâre approached by a couple, older but not old and tourists as well. They ask you to take a picture of them and jungkook is glad to assist. When heâs done, theyâre happy and offer to take a picture of you too, jungkook wants to decline the offer assuming you wouldnât want to but youâre quick to accepting.
âyou two look so lovely together.â The lady says and you have no clue what to say apart form an awkward thank you. You wouldnât blame them for thinking youâre a couple, not with the way jungkook is smiling at the picture.
âGrow up kook.â
âWhat?â he whines. âItâs a good photo.â
You roll your eyes before walking away. He follows behind you, smiling.
-----
Soon your day on paper comes to an end and youâre returning to the cabin.
You did not know what to expect of your day in the morning. Your night was okay but would the rest of the day go the same? those were some of your thoughts. But to your pleasure the day went well, great even. You just hope itâs the same for the rest of the trip.
Jungkook is on cocoa duty (not assigned but he took the responsibility.) and youâd be lying if you said he didnât do a good job at it every time.
Leaning against the counter holding your mug and watching him finishes up with his own, you watch.
âHowâd you like the Lindt factory?â
He takes a sip before answering. âGreat. Honestly enjoyed it more than I thought.â
âWhat? You donât trust my judgement?â you watch as he leans on the counter opposite from you.
âitâs not that. Just never thought I was that big of a chocolate fan.â
You hum. Silence fills the kitchen as youâre just enjoying the drink. Why does the air feel so thick, is it the way he just leans there. Pajamas not doing a very good job at hiding his physique. Why the hell does he look buffer. Gosh, his arms look like theyâd lift and lay you to your demise. In the morning you caught a glimpse of his shirtless torso, and you were about to lose your cool. To add gasoline to the fire he had just stepped out the shower and had not completely dried. Geez, if it wasnât for your ability to leave the room, you donât know what you wouldâve done or said.
Jungkook has always had a keen eye for your little frustrated looks, the way you donât blink, the way you wrap your hands around yourself or how you cross your legs. He knows. Itâs the details heâs aware of. No one knows you like he does.
âI like this sweater on you.â He says pointing to the green sweater youâd just gotten back from the dry cleaners.
You look down at it. âBecause itâs yours?â you raise a brow as you take a sip of your cocoa.
He shakes his head looking your body up. âno. because you look good in it.â Heâs biting his lip, then his playing with that little lip ring. Yn, hold yourself.
You choke out a chuckle. âJungkook.â Itâs a warning for him. But he doesnât take it.
âWhat? Itâs not my fault you look good in all my clothes.â gosh youâre gonna die choking on this liquid. âMakes me want to just hand over my closet to you.â Heâs coming closer to you, gosh what the fuck, he approaches but itâs the sink youâre standing in front he wants. You move. He rinses his mug, tired of the drink.
âWell, that wonât be necessary.â you say sliding away from his towering figure. Just to catch your breath, cause youâve been holding it. Jungkook laughs at the movement. Just after, youâre rinsing your cup and placing it in the cupboard. Youâre not gonna die choking on cocoa, or jungkook as a matter of fact.
âThink Iâm going to bed.â You state thinking the bedroom will be your only place of solace away from him.
âMe too. Iâm getting sleepy.â
Youâre stiff as he walks behind you. You hope youâll be able to sleep on your own tonight. Cause if jungkook just as much as touches you, youâll turn into a puddle.
Youâre quick to moving to your side and facing away from him as to not see him taking of his shirt. You know because you hear it drop.
âGoodnight.â He says turning off the light.
With all your might you mumble a goodnight to him too.
Tonight, you manage to fall asleep without cuddling. You sleep back-to-back close enough to feel the heat radiating off the other.
Jungkook wanted, so badly to go skiing after seeing an advertisement for it and saw some people do it on your way to the cabin. Youâre not one for these intense sports but since he went with you to the Lindt factory, you thought itâd only be fair to go as well. Just accompany him.
Though his wonât be sweet and rewarding.
âYou wanna go with me?â he asks teasingly and you shake your head, as soon as you process his words.â come on.â He whines.
âIâll just cheer you on from down here.â The process of skiing looks terrifying. What do you mean you had to go on those zip line things, and slide down. Not you. Nope.
âitâs not that bad. Youâll be with me.â
Though it sounds comforting it doesnât change anything. âIâll just stay here looking around and taking pictures for you.â You smile hoping it convinces him.
He chuckles, his bunny smile on show for you.â baby what are you so scared of?â the pet name comes out smoothly, catching you by surprise. But it does seat itself in and warm your heart.
âitâs just scary.â You wrap your arms around your body.
He sighs watching you closely. âFine, but can we do something as exciting, later.â He stares at you scattering your brain for what he could be referring to. âLike ice skating.â Ohâhe was thinking ice skating. Last night has your mind in a whirlwind.
âThat sounds better.â Jungkook laughs cause itâs basically the same thing, but he wonât get into it.
âOkay then.â He says walking to the register. âweâll do that later.â Itâs a promise.
Jungkook is off skiing and youâre sat in doors, still able to watch the outside activities, landscape and events thought the large window. You donât mind not going skiing, itâs not like it was on your list.
While youâre sat you decide itâd be a good time to call jimin and let him in on your trip so far.
âitâs not as awkward, anymore. It was at first. But then we just agreed to just enjoy the trip for the sake of our money.â
âThe sake of your money?â he mocks.
You choke out a laugh. âYes, for the money.â Is it? âheâs been nice and all. Itâs actually not bad.â Jimin hums as he listens, this time at least you have his attention.
Youâve shockingly enjoyed the trip more than you thought, so far. If you just keep on, the whole trip could go well and youâd be back to your normal lives. You hate the sickness you feel at the thought. The trip will end, it is gonna end and youâll be back to what you were before. Gosh.
âSounds like the trip is going a little too well.â
You scoff. âitâs not that, weâre both just chill.â
âNo fucking or kissing.â
You gasp and look around like someone couldâve heard that, but your phone is to your ear. âjimin! Oh my gosh.â The thought of it has you blushing still.
âJust sayinâ. Jungkookâs probably dying. â
You roll your eyes. Heâs fine, youâre fine.
You go on talking but soon you have to end the call. Immediately you cut the call and stuff your phone in your pocket a figure sits next to you. Male, not jungkook. You pay no mind to him. youâre on a public bench anyone can sit next to you. Heâs just in his own business. Is what you think until heâs reaching over to talk to you.
âExciting isnât it.â when he speaks you catch his foreign accent, not Swiss. Must be a tourist like you.
You awkwardly furrow your brows. âHuh?â
âSkiing.â He points.
Then it clicks that thatâs what heâs talking about.
âI presume.â You say modestly. Why the heck is he talking to you.
âPresume? Havenât you gone?â
âno.â You shake your head chuckling. âitâs not for me.â
âYou canât say that. You havenât even tried.â You internally roll your eyes. Why does he seem to care so much. âPlus, why come to Switzerland in the winter and not try skiing.â
You donât know why you carry on this conversation, but you feel like justifying yourself. âHonestly I just came for the Lindt factory.â You say shamelessly causing the stranger to laugh. he doesnât seem like a weirdo or creep, but you can never know. Heâs probably not talking to you out of pure interest. So, you try to keep your distance.
âyouâve been?â
âYeah. Yesterday.â
He hums sound interested and you know this conversation isnât ending anytime soon. âHow was it?â
You scoff internally. âIt was fun. Would recommend youâll love it.â You donât even know him; how would you know heâd like it. And to be fair youâd add that Jungkookâs presence made the place more exciting to be at. You assume he doesnât have a jungkook. Speaking of jungkook, how long is he going to be? You shouldâve just gone out on a walk instead.
He nods. âWell maybe you can show me.â You pause, okay now youâre starting to get uncomfortable. âIâm sorry I donât mean it like that. Itâs just that I came alone and it would be nice to have someone show me around.â He justifies but it doesnât make you any more comfortable. âIâd pay for your ticket if thatâs the issue.â
You chuckle. âIâm a tourist to, thereâs not much I can show you.â
âI mean youâve visited the Lindt, so you know more than me.â Gosh heâs so adamant.
You smile awkwardly wishing jungkook would just pop up.
âyouâd be better off going with someone else.â Youâre looking around as if youâve lost something. The man catches on to the action.
âAm I making you uncomfortable.â Yes. very.
âNo-â before you can finish your lie of a statement, Jungkookâs interrupts, voice anything but kind.
âYes, you are.â He says firmly, body not open for discussion.
The guy turns to look at you, then jungkook, then back at you. âDo you know him?â
Hesitantly you respond. âyeahâ you debate on what to say. âHeâs a friend.â He is isnât he?
Friend? Jungkook chuckles internally. âExcuse us.â He spits out to the man.
The guy is taken aback, but just stands. âIâm sorry if I made you uncomfortable.â You just nod and give him an awkward smile as he walks away.
You sigh relieved that heâs gone.
 You and jungkook share a glance before heâs sitting down.
âFriend?â Jungkook asks when he sits next to you.
You raise a brow. âWhat? you wanted me to lie?â
âLie?â he says even stronger. You donât know what heâs pointing to right now.
âAre you parrot?â You chuckle trying to get smart with him.
Jungkook scoffs at how you avoid his eyes. âYou couldnât have said I was your boyfriend.â
âBut youâre not.â You spit out a little quickly.
When you turn to look at him you catch how his jaw clenches. And if you werenât arguing right now, youâd think itâs the hottest thing. âBut you couldâve just lied so he leaves you alone. Now heâs probably going to try to approach you again.â
âheâs not going to.â You say naively.
Jungkook is getting frustrated with this, a little more than he should. âI know guys like that, heâs going wait for a time when Iâm not around and attack.â
âAttack?â you laugh at his word choice. Your laughter only serves to his anger. âYouâre being dramaticâ
âIâm not being dramatic, Iâm being seriousâ his statement comes out a little strong and louder than youâd like
âdonât yell.â You warn him and he apologizes. âI get you feel like you need to protect me, but relax.â
He laughs at the way you think. You thinking heâs feeling like he needs to, no, he needs to. He wants to.
âI donât feel like, I need to, I want to.â
You donât say anything, he knows heâs got you, what more could you say. Thereâs nothing. Jungkook is the protective type, has always been. Heâs shown you that many times in your relationship. And then, it made sense but now you feel like he shouldnât have to bother himself with it. Youâre not his responsibility anymore. âWe should get ready to go for lunch.â you stand walking away.
Jungkook follows after you, knowing youâre now gonna give him attitude. Your folded arms are evidence of that. Heâd normally just kiss the attitude away but for obvious reason he canât.
-
âyouâre not gonna ask how skiing was?â He tries really hard to open the air for conversation. He hates it when you argue. So, he tries to everything he can to lighten the air.
You stare down at your food. Your eyes not meeting him once. âHow was it?â you donât even sound interested which you hate because you are. You love to hear jungkook talk about things he loves.
âIt was great.â He explains not into going into much detail like he wanted to. Your energy demoralizes him. âIâm sure theyâre still open if you still want to try. He suggests but youâre quick to shaking your head.
When heâs about to say something, heâs getting interrupted. Itâs a girl, the one he met when skiing. She showed him around some routes since sheâs a local.
âYn, this is Lena. I met her whilst skiing.â He says introducing you. âLena this is yn, my friend.â
Fuck now you know how bad it stings.
âHey yn. How are you liking you trip so far?â she asks politely in an accent.
You stare her up, taking in her features. She looks about your age, and gorgeous. Why is your body so rigid. Speak. âUmm- hi-Iâm liking it well enough. Thanks.â you can hear how stiff and awkward your speech is. Gosh yn she hasnât done anything to you, chill. Smile.
Jungkook breaks into your awkward encounter. âIâm gonna be seeing you at the ice rink, right?â
He says and she smiles a little too hard. You roll your eyes. What does he mean heâs gonna see her there. Is the a you and him trip anymore? Your food doesnât look as appetizing anymore. âYeah. Iâm there often during the holidays.â
The way her voice rings in your head is jarring. Make it stop.
Soon your prayers are answered and sheâs leaving. Though unlike her your heavy heart stays.
Jungkook turns to you, still staring at her route of exit. âYou, okay?â your eyes return.
You shift your eyes to your hands. âYeah, Iâm just tired.â You stand from the table choosing to leave. âI think Iâm gonna stop by the cabin.â
Jungkook is confused. But he just takes you as you are.
âSure, let me get-â he threatens to stand.
âno. Iâll just take a train.â
He sits down. If you want to be alone itâs best if he lets you be.
When you get to the cabin, all alone. You find yourself falling into deep thought.
The pretend play you and jungkook are playing is good for you to enjoy the trip, but you wonât deny how much it only covers your true feelings. You play pretend and feel all these feelings as though youâre still together and then the trip ends and youâre sucked into being apart. And itâs him leaving all over again.
Youâre getting sick of it. Thereâs only so much pretending you can do.
Jungkook: ice skating later today?
He wants to be sure you havenât changed your mind.
Not matter your emotions you still want to enjoy the trip.
You: sure. Meet you there.
When you make it to the ice rink, your mood is still tense from lunch, which is your fault for holding on to the emotions for so long. To only sour your mood more, you spot jungkook talking to the Lena girl from lunch.
You roll your eyes and watch how she giggles a little too hard at something he says. Jungkook is a funny guy, but she shouldnât be laughing, whatever heâs said canât be that funny. This is so irritating. Why the hell is she even here.
When jungkook spots you, he has on a huge grin, but the sour look on your face has him dropping it. He thought maybe you wouldnât be still upset by now. But heâs wrong. âYn youâre here.â He says it like he wasnât expecting you and you werenât meant to be here, or thatâs how you hear it.
âWe made plans, didnât we?â your tone is nothing more than flat and irritated.
âWe did.â He turns. âYou remember Lena?â He turns to point at her, like you canât see her. Whyâs she looking at you.
Oh, could you forget her. âI do.â You jeer.
âHi.â she with her perfect smile. Youâd liked to punch it inâyour of courseâyouâd never actually so it.
âHey.â It comes out awkward and strained. Wanting to get things over with you turn to jungkook immediately. âwhatâre we doing now?â             Â
âUm. Weâll have to get the skates.â He turns to Lena for some type of consultation, you scoff.
 âYeah, this way.â she says turning to lead the way.
Jungkook turns to you, your folded arms the first thing he sees. He stands next to you. âYou get here okay?â you didnât arrive together which means you had to take public transport, which he knows you donât mind but he just wants to check on you.
âYeah.â You mutter before walking ahead of him. Do you even know where youâre going?
You want to enjoy it, but the emotions that are ahead of you block you from doing so completely. And of course, Lena is a pro at skating.
Jungkook is fairly good, for someone whoâs just taken it up. Youâd attribute that to his quick learner personality.
You on the other hand are struggling, and itâs pissing you off. You hold on to the half wall and glide. Thereâs a good amount of people around and honestly, itâs embarrassing. -like- there are even small kids better at it than you. Itâd be better if you just stopped. There are probably other activities you could do. Ice skating (or skiing) is not the end all be all of Switzerland.
Jungkook would probably enjoy skating more with Lena, seeing that they skied together earlier. You question why jungkook even ever liked you in the first place. Youâre not cool like Lena or even as adventurous, you do try but you donât feel itâs enough. Heâs better off with someone like her. Itâs good you broke up so that he can be free to do whatever. The thought stabs at your heart.
Jungkook spots you from where he is walking out. The look on your face anything but happy. Heâs swift to skating to you, making sure not to bump into anymore with how fast heâs moving. âWhere you going?â
His concerned and soft voice only intensifies your frustration. Could he not see how irritated and bad at this you are. He was probably too busy to notice. Heâs always busy.
 âYou havenât even travelled the while ring.â He chuckles awkwardly as you step off. He follows.
âI donât know, Iâm just not feeling it.â You donât even dare look at him, because you know if you do your frustration will win and youâll end up yelling or crying. And both are too embarrassing to do in public.
Jungkook scoffs. Jungkook canât tell whatâs going on with you but itâs definitely disturbing your ability to enjoy anything. He wants you to enjoy. But whatâs irritating him is how you donât want to communicate what youâre feeling to him. Heâs always made himself a safe space for you to open up. But you never take it. Ever since he m0ved youâve been distant, physically and emotionally. Itâs frustrating cause all he wants is to be close to you in all ways. âYou were not feeling skiing and now youâre not feeling this?â
Is he blaming you for not enjoying this? Itâs not your fault you feel this way. You donât even want to be feeling like this. You do want to enjoy skating, gosh you want to, so bad. But thereâs just so much youâre holding on too that pretending canât solve.
âJungkook Iâm not any good at this.â You gesture around eyes starting to sting when you watch how other people have fun while you argue. âYou just go have fun with your Leni or Lena whatever.â You act like you arenât sure of her name.
Itâs the way you say it, the force and strain in the word. The way you look to the crowd in a jittering stare looking for her that letâs jungkook know what this is all about. Did it come off like that? Sheâs just a girl he met whilst skiing, he honestly never thought that far. Never thought youâd be thinking of it.
âIs this because of her?â he questions eyebrows furrowed trying to look at your face thatâs staring down. Why the hell are this shoe laces so hard to untie. you just want to cut them off, but youâd probably have to pay for damages. Shit
Your frustration is replaced with another type of embarrassment, when jungkook is on his knee to replace his hands with yours to help you take the laces off. You just want the ground to swallow you right now. Unlike you Jungkookâs calmness is able to take the laces off. He tries to help you into your other shoes but you just brush him off. He moves.
Standing up and looking at you he asks. Voice calm like usual. âIs it?â youâd even forgotten his previous question. Do you have to answer him?
âI donât know how it would be when you two are off to the other side of the ring. Iâve barely talked to her.â Thatâs exactly the problem why the heck do you feel like this when you havenât gotten to know the girl. You barely know her intentions.
âIt is.â
You groan rolling your eyes. âIf you want help skating, I can help you. Iâm sorry that I got carried away.â Itâs probably one of the things youâre mad about. He just fucking left you like you didnât make plans to come here together. Yeah, maybe your attitude made the distance between you, but he should know how to deal with it by now. Gosh youâve been together for a good 3 years. He should know how you are.
And he does. Thatâs why he insists youâre acting like this cause of Lena. well, sheâs probably just a catalyst and thereâs something deeper that you two have to address.
You stand looking up at him, but heâs towering figure doesnât make you as intimidating as you want to feel. âYou donât have to be sorry about anything, why? Cause you always know what youâre doing.â
âYou know itâd be better if you just said it directly.â Whatever it is, because he wants to know. You want to walk past him but his hand around your wrist stops you. You look at it then at him. Heâs not smiling, but not mad. Just concerned.
âI donât--Iâm not saying anything.â You snatch it form his grip and he lets you.
Jungkookâs face scrunches up in frustration. âThatâs what you always say, then pull shit like this.â
You pause and stare at right in his--round eyes that are now, siren. âShit like what?â
âThis. Your fucking attitude.â He almost loses his tone but remembers that youâre in public, which is so fucking embarrassing. âYou never want to talk about things.â He looks around for any watching eyes.
You just glare at him. Maybe you donât like expressing yourself to him anymore. Youâve noticed it too. It had been hard for you to express yourself to him over a call, and sometimes shitty network. There had been days where you wanted to cry on his shoulders but only had the screen to rely on, so guess what you did. Nothing. You didnât cry, you didnât tell him anything. Youâd just cry on your pillow after the call ends. âMaybe I donât cause I know you wonât listen.â
Thatâs a hit to his ego. To him as a person.
âThatâs bullshit and you know it. I always listen to you.â The blank look on your face has him questioning himself. âof course, Iâm not perfect.â
You chuckle bitterly.
âJust go off to your little girlfriend.â And there it is, a confirmation of what he already knew.
You start walking to the entrance. And he follows. Shoes on. Heâs not going to be able to skate with the heaviness in his heart. Heâd end up sinking into the ice, which doesnât sound so bad right now. âCome on.â He swiftly moves to standing Infront of you. He blocks you from moving and you just give up and just decide to look at his jaw, not wanting to look directly at him. Which was not a good idea, cause of how he clenches it. You look up into his eyes. âyouâre jealous?â
âWho?â heâs a parrot and now youâre an owl, he wants to say but finds it inappropriate for your mood.
âYou are so jealous.â
âIâm no-â
âdonât lie to me.â You try to push at his chest for him to move out of your way, but your plan backfires giving him leeway to hold your hand firmly to his chest. Hard as a rock even through heâs sweater. âTell me why youâre jealous.â
Instead of answering him directly you try to change the topic. You swear you can feel his heart beat through his sweater.
âDonât act like I couldnât see you jealous too when that guy approached me.â You try to one-up.
âI was jealous.â His confession has you wanting you dig a hole and hide yourself. Itâs so easy for him to say, you werenât even enjoying your conversation with that guy. âDifference with me is that I can say it.â
Shit. Shit. What do you say now. Get angrier, that always works, well not really.
âWhatever. Iâm not jealous.â You look away from him. Are you really doing this in public. Jungkook doesnât look like he gives a fuck right now, he just wants an answer. One which heâs not going to get.
âTell me what youâre so jealous about?â his voice lowers
âHow many times do I have to say Iâm not jealous.â Till you canât deny it anymore, the thought runs through Jungkookâs mind. âJust go have your fun.â You finally decide youâre tired of feeling his heart beat perfectly.
âyouâre so ridiculous yâknow.â He watches you move slight away, anger not faltering one bit. Youâre determined to being upset. âcanât we just talk about this. It seems to be bothering you.â
It is. Itâs fucking gnawing at your heart, your lungs, your mind.
âNothingâs bothering me, Iâm fine.â You breathe in, relaxing and calming down just a bit. âI just donât want to be out there all on my own, while youâre having fun with some else.â Jungkook licks his lip. He doesnât have anything else to say. What he has to say canât be said here or whilst youâre unable to hear.
âIâm going home.â You pass by him and he doesnât bother turning to watch you walk out.
âKorea?â itâs possible for you to want to leave. And the thought causes him to bite down hard on his bottom lip. Cause if you leave on these terms, nothingâs gonna change and heâd never get another chance. Youâd avoid him like the plague.
âNo, the cabin.â You state and heâs relieved. âHave fun.â
âEverything okay?â jungkook is startled by Lenaâs voice who walked around to find him after she noticed he was gone.
âYeah.â You force a smile. âIâll just get going.â He informs her. He already has his stuff so thereâs no need for him to go back inside. âThanks for getting us in, though we didnât even stay long.â
âNo problem. It was fun, wish I got to talk to her.â
âYeah, she isnât normally like that.â Cause you arenât.
âI understand.â
You donât immediately go to the cabin. Instead, you go to the sauna you had been eyeing. It could probably be the only way to relax you. The sweat dripping down will mask the real tears falling down your face. Youâre glad youâre alone right now.
You have your head leaned back thinking about what had just previously happened. The thoughts not wanting to leave you.
You hear the door open but you donât bother looking, youâve got a lot to think about. âhey stranger..â the familiar voice speaks just as shocked. You sharply open your eyes. Wondering if itâs you heâs speaking to but youâre just the two of you in here.
Youâre just the two of you.
âdidnât expect to find you here.â He says setting himself down just in front of you and you looking at him oddly. Do you have bad luck?
âhmmâ you chuckle awkwardly. You make a plan to gradually scoot yourself to the door. Being with him here does make you uncomfortable but you try to stay to enjoy whatâs left of your time. You expect silence but the man doesnât see on the same level. âWent to the Lindt factory like you said. Was honestly the best of everything.â
âIâm glad you liked it.â you say like youâre a worker at the factory or care.
âIt wouldâve been better if you came too.â
You awkwardly chuckle and finally decide to sit up. You came here to think and relax but this guy couldnât be more of a bother. âIâm sure I wouldâve just made it worse.â
He chuckles and smiles your way. A smile you do not reciprocate âI doubt.â
âIs your friend around?â Now you should fucking leave.
âMm?â you ask like you didnât hear. Fucking sirens are blaring. Heâs not giving off Iâm gonna leap at your vibe. Itâs more of his inability to give up that bugs you. âOh- ahh yeah. Heâs gonna be here.â
He turns to look at the door like Jungkookâs about to walk through the door, but he doesnât. gosh you wish he would. âisnât it hard to have male friends like him.â You look at him brows furrowed, confused. You wait for him to elaborate and heâs quick to it. âProtective.â He says.
âhow?â
âmakes it hard for you to live your live and get to know people.â You laugh. itâs not like jungkook has his hands on you and pulling you away from people who want to talk to you. Heâs actually for it but he just has a good discernment of creeps. As you sit here you reflect on his words from before when you initially met the guy. Gosh you should really start listening to jungkook. Makes you realize how right he isâsometimes--
âno.â your tone is sharp that the soft one youâd been giving him.
He shakes his head. He lifts his hands in defence saying, âI think heâs doing too much.â Now youâre getting upset, visibly so, which is not lost to the man. Who the fuck does he thinks he is. Heâs the one doing too much, âIâm not some weirdo, I promise.â He hasnât shown any signs of it yet, but you donât give a fuck and youâre not gonna wait around for him to show it.
âI think youâre doing too much.â You snare abruptly standing up. He can tell the irritation on your face and is about to defend himself but youâre quick to cutting in. youâre not about to have it.
âI donât know how your long your trip is but if you see me around, please donât speak to me.â
âWait.â You donât.
Sauna time done you decide to go back to the cabin, feeling anything but relaxed. Daylight already lost.
Today has honestly knocked you out, as though youâve done anything energy straining. Itâs more of an emotional strain. When you walk in jungkook isnât anywhere to be seen. So, you just assume he never got back. Makes you wonder where the hell he is and why he didnât tell you, but youâre in no place to convict him cause you never informed him of your sauna endeavours as well. Youâre both grown adults and can move around Switzerland without the otherâbutâwhy do you feel entitled to know where he is. You lost those privileges when you broke up and now when you left him at the rink.
Maybe a steamy shower will do what the sauna didnât finish cause of you interruption. After that you decide to end your night early, youâve got nothing to do after all.
you toss and turn in bed, barely able to get a linear sleeping time. Everything just feels so weird and off. Even worse than in the beginning. Itâs all a different type of awkward, which you hate. Jungkook isnât sleeping next to you which prompts you to checking the time.
1:39am your phone tells you.
Where the hell is he, youâre starting to get scared. Youâre not worried about his safety cause jungkook is very capable in that sector, --well unless he got shotâshot? Â Why are thinking of that. Whoâd fucking shot him, let alone in Switzerland. Heâs never been in any trouble with the law or anyone. Youâre getting paranoid, if you donât see jungkook in the flesh, well and not wounded, youâre gonna lose your mind.
Putting on the sweater that has been a staple and carried you through the trip you walk out the bedroom to the open floor living room. you sigh when you donât spot jungkook. You wonât be able to go back to sleep even if you wanted to. Cause you donât feel like it and are losing your mind. As youâre standing in the living room like an anxiety ridden mom waiting for their teenager child at midnight, you hear it. Itâs wood chopping sounds. Harsh and fast. You do have some cabins around you so it could be your neighboursâbut no--the sound is closer to yours, like itâs just outside. So, you curiously walk to the door which would lead you closer to the sound. Maybe you arenât as afraid cause you assume itâs jungkook. And it is.
You relax when you spot his figure well and healthy.
He doesnât notice as you stand watching him. bottom lip chewed down on. Why the hell is he chopping wood at 1 in the morning.
You want to say something. You need to. Maybe apologize about what happened at the rink, you have a fair share in the argument. Since waking up or maybe after the sauna you realized how childish your behaviour was. You ruined the moment. When you couldâve just asked jungkook to help you and he wouldâve been there, hadnât you chosen to give into your irritation. Irritation of seeing him with a woman. There you said it.
His muscles flex as he moves to drop the axe down on the wood.
This is not what you want for you and jungkook. Arguing and not able to talk or share air. Itâs not what you want. Even if things do officially end, youâd want to end it on calm and friendlier terms.
As you watch him you notice how his jaw tightens. Heâs not just chopping wood. You start to worry for him when his movements grow harsher, of the larger chunk of wood.
âWhat did the wood do to you?â you try to be neutral.
He didnât notice you behind him. So, heâs startled by the sound of your voice. Turning to look at you holding yourself in the door way, he chooses to take a break. He got so carried away he forgot he was cutting wood for the fire place and had cut too much. He drops the axe into snow. âDitched me at the ice rink.â He says going to pick up some pieces of wood to bring inside.
Fuck you feel so bad. You stay silent watching him until heâs brought all the wood in and finally closing the door. Which allows for the warmth from the now blazing fire to fill the house. Now in warmer climate, jungkook takes off his large sweater and you drop your arms that were still wrapped around you.
âIâm sorry about that.â You mumble softly. He stands at the sink, you assume to make himself something warm.
âitâs okay, itâs not like I went all the way to stay in touch with some girl so she could get meâus--a good deal at the ice rink. Then I take you there and you ditch the thing entirely.â
You do feel horrible about to, but his tone irritates you causing you to respond as just that. Which you immediately regret.
âI left you with her, werenât you happy with that.â You have an interesting way of saying things that bother you.
Jungkook pauses his actions and stares at you with a seriously confused face. He scoffs. Youâre not making sense. âYou know thatâs not what I wanted.â He returns to his mug. âI wanted to spend it with you.â His voices calms.
Fuck. Uhm what do you say. You should probably say youâre sorry. âIâm sorry.â
Jungkook just listening. He just doesnât understand, he wishes you could just be straight forward. Frustrated and tired of hiding behind a task, he drops the cup to give you, his attention.
âDid I say something wrong?â you stand where you are but jungkook moves. To you. You panic but he doesnât walk closer than a few feet from you. You donât know how youâd handle yourself if he came any closer. At the rink you almost died. âAt the rink?â he clarifies like youâre not fully aware. He just wants to make sure that youâre on the same page. Cause you can think of other times he might have feared heâd said something wrong. Â âI honestly shouldnât even have started talking to her.â He rubs a hand over his face.
Jungkook has never been malicious to you in your friendship before or relationship. Or even now. Heâs been cordial. Heâs the only man whoâs treated so well and calmingly. Of course he has his imperfections, you both do. But it doesnât take from how well heâs treated you. He never crosses a line.
âitâs not even that.â Youâre looking off to the side and holding yourself again,
Gosh, heâs really holding himself right now. He bites his lower lip and clenches his jaw to hold himself back from just walking up to you and making you look him in the eyes. âThen whatâs wrong. Please talk to me.â He pleads.
âI donât know,â you whisper still looking beyond him, your voice is barely audible.
Heâs begging, really for you to just tell him something. âPlease donât say that.â He responds, his tone a mix of frustration and pleading. He steps closer just a few centimetres away, if you unfolded your arms youâd probably bump into his chest.
âI donât-â you start but your voice cuts you off, âitâs the way you-â you arenât able to finish. What are you going to do with yourself. This is embarrassing, you can barely form or organize your thoughts and your mouth can barely move to speak. Youâre not even going to talk about how hard it is for you to look him in the eyes. You just settle with staring at his other supporting features. His hair, his ears (that are red from what you assume is frustrationâitâs not--), his eyebrows and then you skip to look at his nose--
âwas it me talking to that girl?â
âI donât wanna talk about it.â You push away slightly.
âBut we have--you know what--I want to.â He moves to block your action of walking away. You thought you were strong enough. You thought youâd manage to talk about this. But you canât. not when it makes you want to cry. Â âI want to talk about it.â His voice is stern but not harsh. Itâs just strong enough to let you know heâs not letting this go. Itâs funny how something so insignificant can cause you to be in this situation. Forced to express and confront your emotions, the oneâs youâve been running from since the trip began, the oneâs you told yourselves youâd pretend didnât exist. You fooled yourselves by dodging the topic.
Now youâre here. âWhile weâre at it we can talk about why you broke up with me.â Heâs not asking if you can talk about it, heâs telling you it has to be talked about and heâs not gonna let it go by. Not this time.
At his words, all your emotions unite to form a single unit of defence. âme? you agreed too.â You point at him face scowling.
âI only did cause itâs what you wanted, and I didnât want to hold you back.â
You stare confused. âHold me back from what?â what the fuck does he think youâve been doing. You hope he doesnât think youâve been out and about since breaking up, thatâs been the last thing on your mind.
âFrom living the life, you wanted to, without me.â His upset at the thought leading his voice to come out a little passive aggressive.
He does think that, you can see it. âWithout you? I donât want that.â You state. âBut how can I live a life with you when youâre miles away, always busy. And can barely visit.â You just talk. Finally, your gears are moving. But the problem is that so are the tears. âYou moving away is you choosing to live without me too.â You choke on your words a little. âEven I didnât want to tie you to me or hold you back from your dreams thatâs why I tried to li- live with it, but it got so unbearable kook. I couldnât take it. it felt like I was alone. In fact, I was alone.â
Jungkook feels sick hearing that you felt alone.
âYou know I did try.â His voice is soft, moving himself into your circle. You let him. He canât help himself but cup your cheek. The action feels comforting, almost relieving. At least heâs here and youâre not talking over the phone, makes it much easier for you to sink into his touch.
You hold the wrist thatâs caressing your cheek. Gosh you want to keep his touch here forever. âI know thatâs what hurts more you tried but it still wasnât enough. I really did want it to work. I still do.â On your last sentence you look up at him and heâs already staring at you, the thump of his other hand coming swiftly to wipe your stray tears. You sniffle. âCause honestly Iâve missed you kook.â You feel comforted playing with the end of his sweater. Â âSo much. I miss how we were before you moved. When it was easier for us to be together.â your fingers take a journey from the bottom of his sweater to the neck.
Your palms lay flat on his chest and his hands move to softly hold your wrist, not to move you away but you keep there.
âI know we said weâd pretend. A-and I thought I could. But I canât kook.â On cue with his name, you look up at him. âfuck- I never knew how much I hate seeing you talk to otherâ" you canât finish your sentence, but itâs okay cause heâs finished for you in his mind. âIâm sorry for attitude.â
He glides his hands from your wrists down your arms until they are both on your waist. âIâm sorry too.â Heâs pulling you closer, your hands still on his chest, but now for stability. âIâm so sorry I was too distracted for you. You didnât deserve that. You donât serve that.â Heâs caressing your back. âokay?â you have to answer but you can only bring yourself to nodding. All heâs ever wanted was to know. Know what was wrong and how he could fix it.
âIâve missed you too.â He smiles lightly bringing his nose to brush against yours. The action has you tilting your head upwards. His lips itch to touch yours, but they donât they just hover, he still has more to say. And he wants to say it close enough for you to feel it. âIf only you knew how I dreaded every morning and realized you werenât next to me. Every time I just wanted to fly back home.â
âSo, what stopped you.â Youâre looking at his lips. his rosy and moist lips from how hard heâs been biting and licking on that. You wanna do that. You wanna kiss him, wanna be the only biting down on his lips. Â you wanna do a lot of things right now. You wanna run your hands through his hair remind yourself of its texture, you wanna lift that sweater off, that holds his cologne so well, the earthy lavender scent, that crawls its way through your system. You wanna take that sweater off him, --feel, seeâjust how much that gym membership as proved itself valuable. You know you wonât be disappointed, jungkook loves the fucking gym.
âI donât even know. But all I know is that itâs not gonna stop me anymore.â Him nudging his nose closer has you tilting your head to meet his lips. the air between you feels heavy. The feeling pulling your lips to meet. And when the do, itâs fervent. His kiss is urgent but slow, not wanting to be apart from you for a second.
 Your bodies are hooked together as Jungkook is moving you back into a wall. The kiss intensifies when he leans your head back with his hand around your neck. Youâre gripping onto his sweater for support and breathing him in for life.
Jungkook clings onto your lips for life too, even if he needs to breath he doesnât stop. You moaning into his mouth will suffice. He doesnât know where to keep his hands. Should he use them to tilt your head back to deepen the kiss, (if he goes any deeper heâs gonna sink.) whilst he uses the other to pull you leg up by your thighs, his grip surely leaving crescent moons as decorations. He doesnât know what to do with them. For the moment he uses them to pull he sweater over his head. Youâve been clawing at it to come off.
Now shirtless you can feel his skin for what you remember it to be silky-smooth. So delicate that you fear leaving scratch marks on him, but jungkook encourages it, he begs you to do it. Your hands roam his body, first his large back, muscles flexed, then down his firm chest then down to his defined midsection. âWhat am I to do with all this.â You say breathless.
âYou tell me. Itâs all yours.â Your lips are meeting again. Tongues tagging at each other. For some reason the rich, sweet and completely irresistible taste of chocolate lingers on your lips, but he loves it and is drinking it up.
Jungkook finds that his hands are better at gripping your thigh and lifting it to wrap around his waist. His core moves into you and you feel how hard he is against you. Youâre thankful for his thin pajama pants.
Your hands pull at the root of his hair, though itâs shorter you make it work, making him groan into your mouth. You both canât fucking breath at this point, which is the only reason youâre pulling away. Your heavy breaths brushing against each other.
âjungk-â youâre moaning for him to take you to bed but heâs steps ahead of you. Your feet donât have to fret cause heâs lifting you by the thighs to lay you on the edge of the bed.
You lay back on the bed but legs on his shoulder, heâs kneeling between your legs. Your pants are still on but not for long. In a swift motion youâre left in your plain black panties. The ones with the little bow. He chuckles at the detail. When you see what heâs laughing at you get self conscious. Jungkook looks up at you confused why youâre closing your legs.
âI didnât know weâd be in this position, so these are the one I brought.â You try to explain yourself cheeks blushing red. He doesnât know why youâre so insecure about the detail. He loves them.
For a quick kiss heâs on his feet hovering over you. âitâs okay, I like my gifts wrapped in bows.â He smirks and the comment has you calling out his name in shock. peck. Heâs back on his knees staring at your core. The bow is a detail heâll miss but heâd gotta take them off. Fuck is all he can think when your cunt is right in front of him, wet. Is this where heâs meant to die, right in your cunt from suffocation cause he wonât be able to detach himself from you.
Your legs are planted on his shoulder, your ass just at the edge of the bed. When he first swipes his tongue through your folds, it takes you by surprise. Gosh you missed him being right there.
âfuckâ you whimper the sound not being able to be masked. Your slick, probably mixed with his saliva, drips down your cunt, down his chin. His nose is so deep in it that some of your juices run up his nose. Is this how fucking cocaine sniffers feel? Â He canât wait till his cock is buried snuggly it. He sniffs in, on purpose this time, takin git once more. You grind on his face making him suck harder at your clit. Youâre getting dizzy and gripping hard at the sheets. His nails dig into your thighs harshly, the pain causing pleasure.
Everything is so intense you canât tell apart your orgasm. Fuck you canât be coming this fast from just his tongue. Shit. âJungkook. Donât stopâ You whine the intense feeling approaching quick, your walls tightening and fluttering around his tongue. Jungkookâs so carried away he only realizes youâre coming when your legs are shaking. He drinks everything that leaves and itâs only when youâre pulling his head back from overstimulation that he realizes he should take a breath. Heâs starved can you blame him?
âyouâre so gorgeous baby.â he says peppering kisses on your thighs. âWanna do that again for me.â Heâd absolutely would eat you out for a second time in a row. And youâd love that but you just want to feel him.
Youâre moving up the bed and heâs hovering over you kissing your jaw. Your palms meet his ass in a teasing smack.
âMissed this ass.â You smile under him. jungkook just chuckles. you want to add on but his finger stuffing your tight cunt has you silent, gasping for air.
Jungkook smiles down at your pleasure strained face. âmm? not so talkative now?â
He thinks heâs got you. Then you slide down your hand down his abs, he knows where your hand travels and though itâll destroy his ego, he lets you do it. âso bigâ you bite your bottom lip as you start stroking him, using your own juices as lubricate. Heâs walls are falling. Your hand wrapped around him, has him burying his moans in the croak of your neck.
Itâs a competition huh? he loves those second and fucking your cunt first.
Youâre stroking him in his pants and heâs pumping his fingers in your cunt. Heâs kissing you to hide his moans. Itâs a fucking competition and heâs losing. He canât lose. His hand leaves your cunt to grab at your wrist. You stop. He pulls you away from him. if you went on any longer, heâd be done for and the night wouldnât end the way he wants. He hasnât been touched in a year, unless itâs talking about those times you sexted, but it doesnât count. It feels different when itâs your hands.
âwhyâd you do that?â you whine.
âIf you did that you wouldnât have gotten the orgasms I have left for you.â You donât respond. you wonât argue, you do want them.
His fingers are back to pumping and even sooner than before your climax approaches. He wishes he could count just how much you flutter around his finger but heâs too busy looking at your face, pleasure written all over it. and its pride that fills him, knowing heâs the one giving it to you.
Jungkook moves away and you watch how he licks his fingers clean. The way he smiles at you after, is disgustingly hot.
âTake off your pants.â You tell him.
âYou take off your shirt.â He reciprocates, youâd forgotten youâd even been wearing anything.
Jungkook is spoiled by the sight before him, your chest sprawled out for him to taste. So, he leans down and wraps his tongue around a nipple. His hand lost at the other side. You love all the foreplay, really, but you want him. youâve been thinking about it for forever.
âJungkook.â You call. He hums saying you have his attention. âI want you.â
Thereâs nothing more he wants.
âWant you too baby.â He says grabbing his cock and aligning it with your entrance. Then he remembers.
âfuckâ he whispers. You sit up and wander what has him holding back.
âwhat?â
âI donât have a condom.â He knows he doesnât have one, itâd be weird, itâs not like he was coming on this trip expecting to fuck you.
âWhy?â he stares at you confused.
âI didnât expect fucking to be on the itinerary.â
Oh yeah, you laugh at himself.
âDo you?â
âNope. Why would I have them.â He just shrugs his shoulders.
Heâs gonna lose it. âAre you on the pill?â itâs his only option.
Thatâs when you shake your head. âGot off when we broke up.â
Okay so what is he gonna do, his cock hard and your cunt right in front of him.
âJungkook come on you can pull out.â You whine pulling him forward.
She shakes his head. âgod no. I almost lost my mind from your hand. Itâd lose it in your pussy.â You smile, you shouldnât be laughing cause you wonât be able to fuck. But you just canât help but smile at the fact that he almost lost himself just from your hand. Youâve got no clue on what to do. You really need to fuck him.
âWait--â he looks at you. âThis is a loverâs cabin.â You say but he waits for you to elaborate and make sense.
âwouldnât they have condoms in the cupboard or something.â He didnât think of that.
So, as you stand you walk over to the cupboard roughly open it almost tipping it over. âBingo!â you celebrate pulling out a long string of condoms. Your saving grace.
You carefully pull out one and toss it to jungkook.
âRelax arenât they the oneâs you usually use,â you say when you see the look on his face. They do look like theyâve just been purchased and placed. Heâs so thankful right now. He leans against the head board and you watch how he gracefully he strokes himself and slips it on, your mouth drools but youâre too needy. Youâll do that another day.
âCome ride cow girl.â He welcomes you when heâs all done. You stretch your legs over him, centering yourself. His hands are quick to spread across your ass, landing a light tap.
He helps you centre himself at your entrance. His brows scrunch together when he feels your tight warmth slide down him. he definitely isnât going to last long, maybe heâll hold on till you come but after that is not promised.
His hand loosely holds at your throat, just enough to tilt it back slightly and leave wet kisses and marks everywhere on your skin.
You sliding up and down him feels great but he couldnât help himself but move his fingers to touch your clit. In pure pleasure youâre wrapping your arms around him and kissing him. you love this position, how he nudges at your back, how intimate it feels, the way youâre so close after being so far away. The cold is barely in mind. Jungkook canât express how much heâs missed you.
You love it.
But what you love more is how he pulls at your hair, just softly. âLove fucking my cock huh?â he asks but youâre unable to answer his hips jutting up into you with great speed. Jungkook could get carried away with the way your boob bounce but he chooses to say focus. âYou like that huh?â he smirks but your eyes are closed, the pleasure of his intense strokes taking you out.
âYeah, love fucking you kook.â You whimper out.
Heâs thrusting harder and youâre moaning louder. âyou look so pretty taking me baby. Wanna fuck you forever.â
You wish you.
Your body melts into his as youâre coming again, jungkook fucking into you for his own high which follows after yours. When he catches his breath, heâs laying you down and beside you just after throwing the filled condom.
âIâm gonna get the bath started.â He says planting a quick kiss on your shoulder.
Youâre too drained to stand so when heâs back to come get you youâre dozing off. âcome on baby Iâve got to get you cleaned up.â
You groan. âThen after a I can make you cocoa.â
âIâm so tired kook.â You whine.
âI knowww.â he coos. Next thing you know heâs lifting you, bridal style. âitâs okay Iâve got you.â
âHmm. Donât move.â Jungkook whines when you threaten to stand and start your day. You two have already slept in because of your late-night endeavours.
âI have to kook. We have so much for our day.â
âUgh! Fine. But first give me your hand.â He demands the action has you confused but you give it to him. when he has it, heâs giving you a billion kisses. âI love you.â He doesnât think itâs too soon causeâwell he doesnât know it just felt right to say.
âI love you too now let me go.â He makes sure not to unhand you until you say it more âmeaningfullyâ according to him.
---
You and jungkook decided to retry ice skating (you were hell bent on not going skiing.)
As youâre skating jungkook slides to the half wall, after telling you he has to take a call. You shoo him away after telling youâll be fine alone (for the meantime).
âAny news?â jungkook was nervous when he got the call from Namjoon. This is a very important call from him, it determines what the hell heâs gonna choose. Quit or get transferred.
âYeah. itâs been approved.â Jungkook is still for a moment.
âSeriously?â it almost feels like a dream.
âYeah, had to do a lot of convincing but they agreed.â Heâs so grateful for Namjoon. Heâs gonna miss him. Jungkook looks over to you, gliding not great but better, and youâre smiling this time. So, heâs happy. Youâre happy.
âThank you, man,â
Namjoon smiles, he knows how much this means. âNo problem.â The call cuts.
This just seals a lot âkook look out.â He pockets his phone and as heâs turning to you, you slam into him. You havenât gotten to the knowing how to stop just yet. Maybe next time.
âYou okay, baby.â He says holding onto you by your waist
You let out a dramatic breath that has him smiling. âYeah, but Iâm getting kinda tired.â You say out of breath and letting your weight fall into his arms.
âIâm getting hungry too.â Youâve spent a good amount of time ice skating so you decide to leave it for next time.
--
âwhatâs the plan for tonight.â He asks as you eat.
âHmm. For the first time I donât know.â You both laugh. âWe could go out for dinnerâohhh the hot tub--.â You forgot about it cause none of you ever wanted to use it, honestly you didnât even expect the place to have a hot tub.
âI like the sound of that.â
The steam of the hot tub hovers lazily on the surface of the water. The steam curls around jungkook as his gaze locks on you. Body dry cause you havenât gotten in yet. You walk onto the deck, the dim but still bright enough lights radiant off your skin, as though the sun has come to pay him a visit at night.
His breath is caught.
The bikini hugs you in all the ways that made his thoughts falter, the curves of your body illuminated by the soft glow of the light. He swallows hard, his mouth dry despite being surround by water. You make him weak, so much that he looks only at you, even though your attention is else were. You try to find a place to hook your towels.
And then you turn around to smile at him in victory of finding a place to hang them. He nods acknowledging but no paying attention.
He leans back slightly, the water lapping at his shoulders as his eyes roam you, mesmerized. Thereâs some thing unworldly about you, something he canât quite put into words. It wasnât just the way you looked, that made him trip for you. It was the way you carried yourself, the way your body swayed as you moved closer to him.
His arms immediately reach out to envelope you. âEnjoying the view?â you tease, your voice relaxing into the tub and his warmth.
The chuckle he releases is low, âyou know I am.â
Your giggle like a melody. You wrap your arms around him and he loses his stability for a second before regaining it. âcareful.â He murmurs to you, a slow smile spreading across his face. âI might drown.â
âI wouldnât want that.â you peck his lips.
You relax for a while just taking in the night and each other presence.
Jungkook has been meaning to ask, the question eating at his mind. Â âDo you want to go back to Korea with me?â it sounds like a dumb question, you came together so you will be leaving together.
But the double meaning lies within and heâs desperate to know your answer.
âWhat are you saying?â you coo at him. âArenât we already going back together.â Youâre talking about the tangible stuff, the tickets, the plane, the flying, even the landing and going home. But he doesnât mean that.
After pecking your shoulder water sticking to his lips, he explains. âI donât mean physically.â
You stare down at him eyes softening. âkookâ you realize the seriousness of his question. And for a second jungkook senses scepticism. So, he panics.
âIf itâs bout my job, Iâm working on it.â His voice is quick.
That was a fear of yours, even more that he wouldnât want to move. Jungkook has thought about it, the move was a rush decision he never spoke to anyone about it to ask their opinion or whatever. And honestly the move didnât bring him much joy, besides the opportunity to adventure Jeju. But apart from that he was away from his family, his friends and you. Everything that made his life.
âSeriously?â you say more shocked than anything else.
âYeah, Namjoon called me. My transfer got approved.â
 You gasp the water swashing from your movement. âdonât lie to meâ
He laughs. âIâm not.â
âI thought you said getting it approved is hard.â Youâre finding this so hard to believe.
âIt is, I guess I got lucky.â
You squeal moving in to hug him.
âWhen did you start all this.â Itâs along process so he had to start early.
âHonestly before we broke up. I wanted to surprise you if it got approved. But then-â you shush him from going on further.
âSo, what would have you done if it didnât get approved.â Your tone drops.
Jungkook sighs looking around in thought. âwouldâve fucking quit.â itâs funny how easy the idea is for him, former him would have struggled with the question. âIâm tired of being so far from you.â
âSame.â He places a longer and soft kiss on your lips.
âSo, you wanna go back with me?â His voice is playful, as he looks up at you through wet lashes.
âMhm.â You smile, leaning slightly closer to him, your fingertips tracing lazy circles on his shoulder. âI wanna go everywhere with you.â
The words hang in the air for a moment, warm and intimate, as his lips lifts into a small, boyish grin. âWe can arrange that.â
Jungkook doesnât mind being patched to your side like a little purse dog. In fact, the way he leans into you now, his hand slipping around your waist as if it were second nature, says heâd prefer it. His thumb grazes your hip absentmindedly, a small gesture that feels both possessive and endearing.
âIâm gonna miss it.â you say leaning into Jungkook's shoulder with a pout. You wait patiently for your flight. âFeels like we just started the trip.â
Jungkook reaches over to cup your hand in his. He then interlocks your fingers and brings it to his lips; the action causes you to smile softly. He really likes to do that. Itâd never been a trait of his before, so youâre intrigued, to why he does it all of a sudden. âWe can come back one day. together.â
âYeah together.â You reassure. You like this. Like having him with you.
[3 months later]
âJimin if youâre gonna wear that to my fucking wedding youâre not coming.â You announce to a jimin too focused on the light blue suit heâs in. in the mirror you can spot his cheeky grin. Heâs not gonna wear a freaking light blue suit, itâs not on the colour scheme, plus he doesnât like how it makes him look.
He turns to look at jungkook whoâs standing on his own pedestal looking into the mirror. Touching and teasing at the suit. âJungkook youâre not gonna let her do that right?.â Jungkook just shrugs his shoulders at jimin. Heâs not pleased with the answer. He knew the dude was down bad, but not this down bad. âBro!â
âsheâs the boss.â Jungkook raises his hands in surrender and you smirk in your seat.
âCome on manâŠstandup.â he fists at Jungkook who just laughs. As Jimin is stepping out to get out of the suit (he stayed so long in it you thought he might actually want to wear it.) and get changed, you swat him with a magazine and heâs quick to running out not wanting you to land another hit.
Now alone in the dressing room you walk up to jungkook. You lean your chin on his shoulder, your hands finding there way to his chest. He welcomes them with his own. âYou look so handsome.â Your voices hums sweetly by his ear. Jungkook lifts up both of your hands to place soft and warm kisses on them. The action has you blushing red. The ring on your finger and indication of why he liked to do it before. Plus, now, he just enjoys it., it makes you blush and he likes that.
âMhm.â He hums against your wrists. âYou like it?â
âI love it.â You take a hundredth glance at a preview of what he might wear at your wedding. If he chooses itâs what he wants. You love the cut on him. the colour complimenting his skin, and the style shows off his physique, not too much, but not too little. But all the buttons on the vest and shirt are gonna give you some trouble undoing.
Jungkook stares at you completely enamoured at the way youâre looking at it. You should be looking at him like that. âI think you might love the suit more than me.â He turns abruptly causing you to fall into his chest. He catches and keeps you stable with his firm hand on your lower back.
You place one hand on his chest and the other around his neck, bringing you much closer. âI might just.â Your lips could meet easily with how close you are. But you donât move them and jungkook pouts at how you deny him the opportunity.
âIâm gonna take it off, not gonna let you love it more.â He nudges his nose with yours.
âTake it off.â
âJeon Yn! I forgot how freaky you are.â You roll your eyes at how heâs already given you his last name, you like the sound of it though. Reminds you of how real this is, youâre not dreaming.
Trying to tease him more you move by his ear to whisper, âNot here though.â
Jungkook is biting his lower lip. âWe should hurry then.â he moves to kiss your shoulder, your off-the-shoulder top giving him leeway to kiss your skin directly. He peppers more kisses from your shoulder to your neck before  you get carried away youâre prompting for him to turn around. He does, though reluctantly.
You giggle.
âDo you like it though?â your voice turns serious, as much as you like it and how you just want to see him in it the whole day. If he likes it matters.
âYeah, it makes me look soâŠhusband.â He smiles boyishly as he winks at you in the mirror.
âOh-gosh.â You push yourself away from him to get back to your seat. Youâre not gonna be here all day.
He turns to face you. Still standing on the pedestal. âWhen do I get to see you in your dressâ His teeth play with his lip ring as he asks curiously. The thought of you in the gown exciting him.
âWhen I walk down the aisle.â You stare blankly, no room for discussion. And he doesnât, youâve been quite stern about him not seeing you in any bridal wear until the wedding. Which he doesnât mind, he can wait.
âMake sure itâs a ball gown so that I can slip under and hide.â He gestures his hands to elaborate what he means.
You shake your head. Itâs not your style, maybe when you were a child, but youâve grown. âIâm not wearing a ball gown.â
Ditching the jacket, he places it next to you and stands closing your legs between his. He lowers himself so your nose is touching his. His arms trap you between him and the couch. You didnât think he was not gonna get that kiss right? He kisses you softly, then again. Then a little harder the third time, this one lasting seconds longer. You hold on his waist for stability. He kisses you once more just for the sake.
âIâm very sure youâll look divine in whatever you pick, baby.â
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: so that's that. I hope I've fixed your broken heart from I-redo. there are scenes that i couldn't fit in. Yes of course there are other activities they did, but if i wrote it all it would be boring and too long and would probably be pushed to next month. i wish i could've written more fluff but idk.
i will allow for story drabble request if you guys want that.
but yeah thanks, for reading, liking and commenting. much love. wishing you a happy new year.
story idea copyright of keen-li, 30.12.24
#fanfic#jungkook x reader#jeon jungguk#jungkook x y/n#jungkook#bts#jeon jungkook#jungkook au#jungkook fanfic#keen li#keenli updates#kpop fanfic#Namjoon#jungkook scenarios#bts jungkook#jungkook bts#jungkook angst#jungkook imagine#bangtan#jungkook smut#jeongguk smut#jeongguk#jeon jeongguk#jeongguk x reader#jeongguk fic#Fic:Merry!Ex-mas
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âč ïč đđ DRENCHED IN SIN ïčâ Â Â
đ Ś
đ © cosmicanakin Ę đ àŁȘ đŹ á đš
YAP SESH! new layout isn't as pretty as the one i use for my blurbs 'n drabblesâat least i think they areâbut i wanted to try it out. neither is it a guarantee the layout will stay this way either. so ignore my old layouts for my other FICS, BLURBS, & DRABBLES. they're all SO disorganized 'n honestly? 'm too lazy to reorganize 'em.
WARNING(S)! smutty smut smut | oral sex (f!receiving) | squirting | praise kink | teasing | DOM!DEAN | S9!DEAN | dean's lil scruff | pure filth | overstimulation. àšà§ EIGHTEEN PLUS! ADULT CONTENT | minors do NOT interact.
àšà§ CREDS @pommecita 4 LACE BOW DIVIDER !
àšà§ JENSEN'S LIBRARY.
it's been weeks. weeks of shitty motels, long drives, and even longer hunts. but now, you're finally back in bed with dean, and he's got that mischievous glint in his eye that makes your stomach flip.
"'m telling you, sweetheart," he drawls, his cocky smirk widening as he kneels between your thighs, spreading them wider. "you can do it again. you squirted all over me last time."
you groan, covering your face with your hands. "dean, that was a fluke. 's not gonna happen again."
he leans down, pressing a soft kiss to the inside of your thigh, his scruff scratching your sensitive skin. "a fluke, huh?" he murmurs, his lips trailing higher. "guess i'll just have to prove you wrong."
before you can argue, he's already between your legs, his mouth hot and wet as he drags his tongue through your folds. he licks a slow, deliberate stripe up to your clit, sucking it into his mouth like he's starved. the sound he makesâhalf groan, half growlâhas your back arching off the bed, your hands twisting in the sheets.
"shit, de," you gasp, your legs trembling as his tongue flicks over your clit again and again, each stroke sending sparks shooting through your body.
he pulls back just enough to look up at you, his lips glistening, his green eyes dark with hunger. "god, i missed this," he mutters, sliding two fingers into you with ease, curling them just right. "missed the way you taste, the way you fall apart for me."
you bite your lip, trying to keep your moans quiet, but it's useless. his mouth is back on you, his fingers working you over with expert precision, and you can already feel the pressure building low in your belly.
"dean," you pant, your hips bucking against his face. "'s too much. i can'tâ"
"you can," he cuts you off, his voice muffled against you. "c'mon, babydoll. give it to me."
his tongue and fingers move faster, relentless, and you're trembling so hard you can barely breathe. the coil in your belly tightens, tighter and tighter, until it snaps, and suddenly you're cumming so hard you see stars.
"oh my godâdean!" you cry out as your release gushes out of you, soaking his entire face and your thighs. you try to squirm away, embarrassed, but his big palms clamp down on your stomach, holding you in place.
"oh no, you don't," he growls, his lips brushing over your sensitive clit as he keeps you pinned. "that was fuckin' beautiful, sweetheart. you're dripping all over me."
"dean, baby, stop," you whine, your face burning as you try to push him away. "you're gettin' it everywhere."
he chuckles, pressing a soft kiss to your slick folds before pulling back, his face and chest a mess but looking completely unbothered. "sweetheart," he says, wiping his forehead and mouth with the back of his hand, "if you think i give a shit about getting messy, you don't know me at all."
before you can respond, he's crawling back up your body, his lips crashing into yours, and you taste yourself on his tongue. "you're fuckin' incredible," he murmurs against your lips, his cock pressing hard and heavy against your slick folds. "and now i'm gonna fuck you s'good, you'll make an even bigger mess."
and knowing dean, you don't doubt it for a fucking second.
#kari ⥠writes.#dean winchester#dean winchester x fem reader#dean winchester blurb#dean winchester drabble#dean winchester fluff#dean winchester x you#dean winchester one shot#dean winchester imagines#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester imagine#dean winchester smut#dean winchester angst#dean winchester x female!reader#dean winchester x y/n#dom!dean#dean imagine#dean x female!reader#dean x y/n#dean x you#dean x reader#dean smut#dean angst#dean supernatural#dean winchester supernatural#supernatural#supernatural smut#jackles#jensen ackles
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Sharon calls you fat (pregnant reader)
I live for the angst where Sharon/people call reader fat and make fun of her not knowing she's pregnant and Bucky protects the ever living fuck out of her because that's his gorgeous babymama. Bonus when Sharon is a jealous hoe. Throw in some protective avengers in there too. Breeding kink? Pregnancy kink? Also yes. He's a feral, horny little shit here, I apologize.
You huffed as you buttoned your jeans, the waistband sitting snugly around your waist, pressing into your skin a little bit more than usual. You dug through the closet to find one of Bucky's hoodies to slip on, loving the way the soft material engulphed you in his scent.
You weren't showing much yet but your body was certainly changing. Your sense of smell was heightened, constantly craving to be surrounded by your boyfriends smell. Your breasts were growing heavier and your clothes were more fitting than before. Cravings had already started. Your cheeks were a tad fuller and you were certainly glowing.
Bucky's super soldier serum was no joke.
You made your way down to make something for breakfast, grabbing a bag of peppermint tea to help with some of the nausea you had been experiencing. Sharon sauntered into the kitchen, still clad in her tiny workout clothes as she went to the fridge to grab a water bottle.
"Hey Sharon" You smiled as you poured water into your mug while munching on a cookie, grabbing another when your tummy rumbled. Baby Barnes clearly took after daddy, craving anything and everything sweet. And salty. And sweet and salty.
"Hey y/n" Sharon's eyes looked at you up and down, cocking her head slightly while you snacked, rummaging around for something else to eat. "Might wanna cut down a little there, huh" She teased, nodding to the potato chip you popped into your mouth.
"What?" You weren't sure you heard correctly, setting down the bag while she pursed her lips.
"Oh, nothing. I don't know how you eat that stuff, it's so greasy"
"Hm, yeah I guess" You gave her a weak smile, her words causing the insecurities you were already feeling about your body to creep back up again. You had a heavy feeling in your chest, seeing her flit about the kitchen, still perfectly toned. You shook those thoughts away, remembering the reason beautiful your body was different but it didn't do much.
The words still stung.
You decided to make your way back to your room to wait for Bucky to return from his morning jog with Steve, passing by one of the new trainees as you left the kitchen. Their hushed whispers caused you to stop in your tracks, your stomach dropping when you heard what they were saying.
"She's getting fat" Sharon snorted, hardly noticing you weren't out of ear shot while the trainee giggled along with her, nodding in agreement.
"Oh my God, you should've seen her at the gym yesterday. She was breathing so hard while running on the treadmill, I thought she was going to pass out. I don't even think she lasted 5 minutes before calling it quits" The trainee replied while Sharon rolled her eyes.
"She's gonna looked like a beached whale if she keeps eating like that, I swear she finished the entire row single handedly"
"I don't get what Bucky is doing with her. Honestly, I'm not even complaining. If she gets any fatter he's gonna leave her so maybe that'll make it easier for me" Sharon cackled along with the girl, the both of them snickering while swooning over the soldier. "He's so hot. I don't get what the hell he's doing with her, he can do so much better. Just wait till I show him, he'll see what he's missed out on"
You hardly realized you'd broken down into tears, slapping a hand over your mouth to keep from sobbing. You ran to your shared bedroom as fast as you could before anyone else saw you, closing the door and instructing FRIDAY to keep everyone out. You threw your jeans off, hating the way they were tighter on you, curling up under the covers, muffling your cries into the pillow.
-
Bucky ran his fingers through his short locks, making his way to the kitchen to grab some water after his run, smiling to himself knowing how much you loved to slink around him whenever he worked out. He loved how needy and cuddly you were, always burying your face into his neck of chest, trying to crawl up him like a tree.
"Where are you babygirl" Bucky called for you, expecting to see you in the perched in the kitchen with your pepper mint tea you'd recently been relying on, only to find a full mug without you in sight. Sharon and the new agent were still there, both of them eyeing him up and down, hoping to get his attention.
"Hey Sarge-
"Have you seen y/n" Bucky cut Sharon off, still looking around for you. Sharon rolled her eyes again, stating she hadn't seen you at all, since she'd spend her own morning working out. Bucky frowned, picking up the still hot tea, taking it up as he made his way to the bedroom.
"Sweeheart?" Bucky called for you softly, his heart racing when he hard soft sniffles from the other side of the door, his anxiety spiking when the door was locked. "Baby, are you okay? Can you open the door please?"
You hiccupped, trying to calm yourself down hearing Bucky's worried voice, quickly wiping your face before getting out of bed to open the door for him. His heart broke seeing his sweet girl with red rimmed eyes and puffy cheeks from crying, pulling you into him while shutting the door behind him.
"What's wrong mama" Bucky cooed, hugging you tightly while you whimpered in his hold, your insecurities at an all time high as he slipped his hand under your hoodie to stroke the bare skin of your back.
"Am I fat?" You whispered, worried the question would make realize you were less attractive, a fresh wave of tears streaming down your face.
"What?" Bucky pulled away, shock evident on his face while you stared at your feet, swallowing nervously.
"Please don't make me say it"
"Sweetheart, look at me" He held your face firmly in his hands making you look a him, "Why would you ask such a thing"
"I-I heard some people talking in the kitchen. Said I'm fat" If it wasn't for Bucky's enhanced hearing, he would've missed your fallen voice as you hide your face in his chest again.
"Absolutely not baby, who said that to you" Bucky held back on the red hot anger that surged through him, needing to comfort you first before raining hell on whoever hurt you.
"But I am Bucky!" You cried in frustration, pulling away from his hold. "It looks awful and I'm just going to keep getting bigger, I- I get if you don't find me as attractive-
"Hey, hey, stop, baby look at me" Bucky stopped your rambling, pulling you back into him, his hands holding your face firmly, "Do you have any idea how gorgeous you are to me? Hm? Do you have any idea how insanely attracted I've been to you ever since you told me you're pregnant?"
You shook your head, your heart jolting when he pushed himself against you, letting you feel the hardness between his legs, poorly contained in his joggers.
"Bucky-
"C'mere" Bucky threw your hoodie off before stripping his own clothes aside, his hard cock angry and leaking, desperate to fill you. "M'gonna show you baby"
He didn't give you a second to protest, carrying you over to bed and laying you down, spreading your legs apart, flicking his cock against your clit before tracing it down to your entrance and shoving himself home.
"Bucky!" you moaned, your legs moving on their own to wrap around his waist as he started to move, throbbing the entire time.
"You're so fuckin' beautiful mama, if you weren't pregnant already, we'd be in here all day till you were" Bucky groaned, grabbing and caressing your soft skin, already leaking into you. "You're gonna look so sexy when your belly gets all round, when these breasts get all big, they're gonna leak so much carrying my baby"
He moved to tug your swollen nipples between his pink lips, groaning at the thought of how sweet your milk would taste. Your back arched off the bed from how sensitive they were, your cunt fluttering around his cock, sucking him in deeper.
"I already know you're gonna get so swollen mama, its my baby in your belly. Did you forget its my cum that got you pregnant? Did you forget there's all that serum in my cock baby? I got you fuckin' pregnant, I'm you're babydaddy, I can't wait to see you get all tired, pouty and big with my super soldier baby"
"Oh fuck Bucky" you wailed, his words making your heart swell while your pussy nearly squirted as he hit that spongy spot deep in you, "P-please don't-don't stop"
"I won't stop baby, couldn't even if I wanted to, y'feel too good. Fuck, just knowing you're pregnant makes me so hard, can't believe I knocked suck a pretty little thing up, so lucky I got to stuff you nice and full"
Bucky started to fuck you harder till he headboard added new dents to the wall since the extra strength walls Tony added had nothing on Bucky's stamina and strength.
"Can't wait till everyone sees how pretty you're gonna look, m'gonna show you off, make sure everyone knows you're my girl, the love of my life, that you're carrying a piece of me in you"
"But- but what if they think-I won't look-" You're insecurities tried to sneak back in but Bucky wasn't having any of it, shutting ha down immediately.
"I'll fuck you in front of them. You think I give a fuck? I'll bend this pretty ass over, hold that perfectly round belly and stuff my cock in you till it leaks and makes a mess on the floor. I'll show them exactly what I did to get you that big in the first place, let them see how swollen my cock gets for you, goddamn, I'm gonna cum!"
Bucky fucked you hard and fast, letting you feel him in your stomach, not holding back one bit, his hand flying to grip onto the headboard.
"Bucky-Bucky gonna-I'm gonna-!OH GOD" You let out a silent scream, cumming around him without warning, your pregnancy making you extra sensitive, being able to orgasm without him even touching you.
"This sweet, soft fuckin' body" Bucky's pace faltered, sinking his teeth into your shoulder, "So good to me, so fuckin' good!, gonna cum mama, gonna give you more of my cream, gonna full that pussy up n'keep you pregnant forever, take it gorgeous, fuckin' beautiful, no one makes me hard like this, m'gonna cum so hard-fuck-fuck-FUCCCKKK M'CUMMING" Bucky roared against your neck, his cock bursting with ropes of cum, emptying his balls dry with sloppy thrusts until the sheets were soaked. You both panted, sweat covering your bodies, the sweet, primal smell of sex filling the room making your practically purr.
"You're the most beautiful thing to ever happen to me. I love you no matter what. You're stunning to me at any size, pregnant or not, don't you ever forget it" Bucky held you firmly, brushing his hands over your belly, pressing a kiss to your temple. You nodded, already feeling better, nervousness replacing your previous anxiety because you knew Bucky wouldn't let the incident slide.
"Who made you feel this way baby" His voice was gentle but he wasn't leaving any room for negotiation.
"Just leave it Bucky" You shrugged, not wanting to make it a big deal but he shook his head.
"Can't do that sugar. No one makes my doll upset. You get some rest alright? let me make you lunch and we'll take a nap after"
You nodded, letting him slip his henley over your head, grabbing some comfy sweats for you to wear and throwing on his own clothes before heading down. You froze as you neared the kitchen seeing everyone else downstairs gathered for lunch which was a rare sight but there had been less mission recently meaning everyone was home. Bucky gave your hand a comforting squeeze, a stark contrast the to protective anger he felt again.
"Who the fuck spoke about y/n" Bucky stormed down, silence filling the room immediatly, everyone staring at each other in confusion while Sharon's face filled with guilt. "Well?!"
"What happened Buck, Steve and I were training this morning" Sam said honestly, while the others nodded in agreement, still looking at each other wondering what was going on. "You okay, sweetheart?"
"Well someone said something because she was upset in our bedroom and it happened today" Bucky had a good feeling about who caused your distress, knowing no one else would ever do such a thing but he wasn't about to call out Sharon ha easily, seeing her already squirming in discomfort.
"There's an easy solution to all this, give me a second" Tony typed something into his phone before calling for Friday, "FRIDAY can you play back the audio from this morning from when y/n was in here"
"Certainly, Mr. Stark"
The audio started with you greeting Sharon, followed by her comment and then the conversation she had with the new trainee. Shock and gasps filled the room, everyone glaring at the blonde with disgust while she shook her head, her stomach churning.
"I-I didn't say anything! That wasn't even me!"
"Really? Then who the fuck was it" Bucky spat, ready to jump her across the table, his fists balled at his side. Sharon huffed, biting her lip while Bucky continued to glare at her, still holding your hand softly in his. His anger only flared more, thinking about how she thought she could replace you.
"Fine! I said it! But was I wrong? She is bigger than before" Sharon weakly defended herself, trembling when Bucky flinched, his self restraint growing thinner. Your eyes grew steamy, squeaking when Bucky moved to wrap his arm around your tummy, slipping it under your shirt.
"Cause she's pregnant. With my baby. I'm her babydaddy. I got her pregnant. You wanna know how? I fucked her. So hard. I didn't just fuck her, I made love to her cause she's my girl. Do you have any idea how attracted I am to her? How much cum there was? I didn't pull out once. She's so tight around my cock, its hard not to fill her up. Just kept going until my dick started to hurt and even then, I didn't wanna pull out"
Sam smirked at Bucky's utterly unhinged, x-rated rambling while Steve buried his red face in his hands. Tony cackled from the side while Nat patiently waited to get a chance to lay her hands on Sharon on Bucky's behalf.
"I-I get it, enough-
"You're delusional if you think I'd ever leave her for you. This is the love of my life. She's giving me a baby. She's beautiful. I chose this woman because she's special, she's this one I want to have a family with. You know what, you better get used to it cause I'm gonna get her pregnant again and again and it won't be hard considering how badly I constantly want her. In fact, we fucked just now, tell your little friend that"
"Oh my god" Sharon huffed, harshly wiping her tear streaked face, ready to throw up from embarrassment. She choked a sob, running out without looking back, Bucky's words tearing her apart. Everyone ignored her presence, immediately piling onto you with hugs, kisses and congratulations instead.
"Congratulations, babydaddy" Sam grinned, playfully nudging Bucky's shoulder making him blush, his arms still wrapped around your tummy. "And to you, little mama"
"I call god father" Steve announced, kissing your cheek before pulling Bucky into a tight hug, happy for his best friend and you.
Nat cracked a few knuckles, giving you a quick peck on the head, promising to celebrate later before following Sharon out, ready to hand her ass to her. The little trainee would be next.
"So what you're both saying is there's gonna be another super soldier running around here?" Tony's eyes lit up with excitement and a dash of fear when he remembered the baby would also be surrounded by idiots like Sam and Steve. He'd have to reinforce everything.
Immediately.
#bucky barnes x pregnant reader#bucky barnes x reader fluff#bucky barnes x reader smut#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x pregnant reader#bucky x smut#bucky x y/n#bucky x you#bucky x reader#bucky banres#james bucky barnes#james bucky buchanan barnes#james buchanan barnes#bucky x f reder#bucky x f reader#bucky x fluff#bucky x female yn#bucky x female reader#bucky x f!reader#bucky barnes x freader#bucky barnes x f!reader#bucky barnes x fluff#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky x freader#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes x smut#bucky imagine
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Explaining your First Love to the Yandere's
A/N: "The Yandere's", meaning as many yandere's i think I can characterize as yandere's as perfectly as possible without burning myself out. Also, are the pictures too much?????? Also, I couldn't find a good pic for Sugu without picking the one where he's literally going insane LMAOOO. Love how my semi-debut for my yandere characterization for him is shown w a not so pleasant picture of him(they're all perfect). Anyways, this is probably gonna be my most chaotic, yet organized, post about jjk ever. I have a solid plan and will go through with it. It's friday and this is me "letting loose" before the weekend. Also, the first love story will be pulled from my own experience. With multiple twists to it to make it sound as interesting as possible.
SCENARIO:
"Mmmm. I remember my first love." You hum in a pleasant tone as you start to reminisce events of who you first gave your heart to. "I loved him so much, it was insane. Because....we grew up with each other. We used to be like this." You twist your fingers together, smiling at him as you explain. "He was an embodiment of me, as I was of him. I don't remember a time we weren't friends. I think it helps to mention that our mom's were friends and they were neighbors. So....we've always known each other. He's a year older than me."
You two were out in the park on the grass. He suggested a little picnic together, hoping to bring you two closer so he could possibly make more moves to be more than a friend. But you were so oblivious to it, even going as far as talking of your first love as if you still missed this stupid asshole.
"I still miss him." You go silent for a few seconds and stare down at the checkered blanket, smiling. He gapes a little and resists the urge to scoff. "We both loved playing video games, we watched the same tv shows, went to the same elementary school....a lot of things happened between us. He didn't like me back, though. I confessed to him when I was 9 and he said no." You laugh. "But even then, I still loved him. I still feel it, too. For some reason, my love for others doesn't really go away. Just sits at the bottom of my heart to make more room for others."
You sigh and continue talking about the guy. "He just grew more and more....attractive as I grew up. I am pretty sure he's why I have my type that I have in men currently. He's very tall....a deep voice." You sigh, closing your eyes to remember. "Relaxed, closed off.....I heard him on the phone when our moms were talking a month ago. He sounds....so different. I don't even know what I'd do with myself if I saw him again." In real time, he watched you unravel slowly to show how.....inf*tuated you were with this guy. You were so focused on naming his qualities. As if you could picture him perfectly in your mind.
"I'm so glad we don't talk to each other anymore. I ruined our relationship. Said a few inappropriate things I shouldn't have said at the wrong time. I haven't spoken to him in....6 years. And I'd rather it stay that way, honestly. Because he's a rather boring person outside of his physical attributes. But I have attachment issues." You pick up one of the snacks laid out between the two of you. "Yeah. I'm done talking about him. I would rather not think of him anymore."
YANDERE REACTIONS:
Sukuna:
Sukuna was baffled. Anger, frustration, fear, and even jealousy kept his tongue from moving. He thought this moment wouldn't ever happen in his life. He thought this wasn't a possibility. Your extreme disloyalty to him was what made him clench his hands in anger. But if he rationally thought about this, you don't know. You don't know how much he loves you. How much the Ryomen Sukuna loves you. You were supposed to be his in all lifetimes. He felt like he absolutely knew you were pure. You smelled pure and your energy felt pure when he first met you. So why were you fixing your mouth to say such disgusting and unfaithful words to him as if he wasn't right there?
He wanted to ask you if you've been trying to give yourself to him like a whore, but he knew that was just him overreacting. He wouldn't ever say such things to you, anyways. He wanted to change for you and was trying, starting with these stupid little date settings he knew you loved. A fucking park. And here he was being stabbed in the chest multiple times without your knowledge of it. It was all your doing.
He might be human in this lifetime. He might be nothing but a mere human for you to toy with freely, and he would let you do it to him. But he would never allow a puny roach get in the way of getting what he deserves. He deserves you and he will have you, one way or another. And if that means cutting a small piece of your heart out just to keep the rest, then so be it. He can't have any piece of you in him. Just thinking about him makes another vessel pop in his body somewhere. He will kill this thing.
Kento:
Maybe he was overbearing. He really just couldn't help but feel insecure. There should be no real reason for you to bring up a man from the past. Someone that should clearly be out of your mind. Was he boring? What did that fool have that he didn't? And why did you mention it while you two were on this date??(It wasn't a date, but it felt like it to him) Maybe he was too plain. Men like him were just smokers and loners, of course you'd bring up someone else that can satiate your desire for real love. It's all because he couldn't. Not in the way you want to be loved.
But he knew, he knew that he was enough. He knew he was your type as well, so, what did you mean by he was the type you have in men?? What does that mean for him? Will you use him and throw him away? He doesn't want to be used and tossed out like trash. He wanted to be yours forever. He wanted to be your man. Your man. He wanted to be your lover, your obsesser and the one you obsess over, not that imbecile. He wanted to be skin to skin, he wanted to be under your skin, he wanted to make his mark on you and for you to do the same to him. He deserves your love. But here you are expressing it for another man you haven't even spoken to in over 6 years. He deserves that type of commitment, there's nothing he's done to deserve it this late.
"I love you." The words slip out like oil on water. And it makes his heart oh, so much lighter.
Suguru:
"Heavens. I'm glad you aren't talking with him now." Suguru chuckles and shakes his head, peeling off more strawberry leaves for you. "This is why." He points with the strawberry at the people walking past and then gives you the strawberry. "This is why I don't want you talking with them. They do this to hold you in their clutches, I've seen it." Suguru sighs as he recalls your story in his mind. Jesus, was it trying to hypnotize you? If so, it was working. No worries, it won't be around to mess with your mind much longer.
"They actively lie, they laze around, let their emotions control them, and then try to manipulate you to stay with them to be their stepping stool." He brushes your hair back neatly, and you scrunch your eyebrows at his words. "But I know you're better than him. Better than all of them." He calls out your name and stares into your eyes with a look that makes you flustered. What is his problem?
"You are the light. You are one of the most strongest and intelligent sorcerers I have seen of this time. You hold up your potential and continue to blow my mind with how beautiful your soul is. I am constantly drawn to you and your energy, I never get enough of it. I don't ever want to hinder you and I don't want anyone else to hinder your energy. That's why I will kill that filthy animal that tried to touch you." It's scary, the way he maintains eye contact with you and spits the nastiest insult about the man you once loved with your whole heart.
"I can't wait to get to know you better. You've been teaching me so much. Maybe you can tell me about your favorite nature spots and we can relax there whenever you're free. And sometime later, I could also take you to meet my family. You'll love my two daughters." He laughs lightly, knowing Nanako and Mimiko would adore finally having a real mother worth of raising them. Together, you and him would be unstoppable.
Choso:
Choso was finished with peeling the mandarin for you. You kind of were confused about how he went about doing this, though. Because all over his lap were the smallest bits of mandarin peels you've ever seen. But the mandarin looked perfect. He obviously took his time. He handed it to you softly, smiling. You accept it happily and begin peeling.
He was surprised he didn't rip the thing apart then and there. Maybe be should peel things more often. The way you so freely spoke about your love for another man when your soulmate was sitting right next to you, peeling fruit open for you was preposterous. He needed a hug. A lemonade, had to kill someone, something. But he stopped killing people for you(secretly), so he has to resort to acting like he's peeling off that devil's skin. Starting from where the shiny skin first shows. The first piece is always the hardest to pick off and it's hard to choose where to begin. But soon enough, the color underneath began to show. He slowly picked off every. Little. Piece. He heard a yelp of pain and cries of "sorry's" in his head for every piece.
Every single little piece made the air smell more and more sweet and tangy. The more you spoke, the faster he picked. The stronger the smell was. So citrus-y and delicious. It made him smile. He loved peeling this mandarin. Then picking off white strips connected to the mandarin itself, so that it was smoother and you had no access peel. Like veins, they came off one by one. He simply stared at it when he was done. Smooth, perfect. Scattered remains laying everywhere on his lap.
He's never felt this way before. What were you doing to him? What is this twisting feeling in his gut that makes him want to puke? Why can't he breathe? Why does he want to kill the kids and mothers at the playground not too far away? He needs you to calm him down.
He hates this park.
"Here you go, angel." He hands it to you, smiling. You looked a little confused at first, but then took it from him, opening it to take a slice. "Oh, this looks real nice, Cho. ......Why are you smiling like that?" He shrugs, picking up one of the strawberries you brought from your place. "Like what...?"
Toji:
Toji was silent. The awkward silence he was creating between the two of you made you nervous. He was sitting close to you, leaning over to you, his arm supporting his weight behind your back with your shoulder touching his chest. He was just staring down at the bowl of strawberries. ".....Toji?" Your soft voice made him sigh.
No, he couldn't do it. Killing you won't kill the pain and anger in his chest. This was probably the angriest he's ever been. He wanted to shout at you to apologize for how you were making him feel. But what he really wanted was to feel your lips on his and for you to shut the fuck up. For some reason, every time you open your mouth, it always ends with him degrading further and further off the side of sanity and just going completely ballistic.
You saw his hand on his hip. The hip that wasn't actually his hip, but was his gun he was resting his hand on. He would feel so much better if those shrieking rats would shut up. Fucking rodents running around you two freely like he wasn't about to ruin everyone's day.
He wouldn't say he was often traumatized, but he could've went his whole life without hearing that story. Now he has to find a random man and kill him for stealing your heart. I mean, the least the bastard could've done was reciprocate his feelings and not leave you feeling helpless. "I could treat you better than that dick." You flinch at his words before smiling, averting your gaze as well. "Oh....." He leans in closer to your face. "Where does he live, huh? Is it the prick with the glasses?" "No?" "The one you work with?" "I-I told you I haven't-" "Eh, whatever. I'll find him and kill him." He smiles at your bashfulness and grabs a few strawberries from the patch.
Sometimes he forgets you don't care much for how he says things. If the right message gets across, you usually don't mind how he says it. But he just blatantly threatened to kill him. You grab the leafless strawberries from his hands and begin eating. Nah. You were his, for sure. He sighs and lays down on the blanket, staring up at the blue sky.
Satoru:
Satoru nodded along with your words, his hands trembling. When you smiled, he did. When you sighed, he would, too. And when you finished your story, he had to swallow the thick bile in his throat. You were just....recalling old memories, that's all. Nothing else. He tried to focus on the grass blades he felt through the blanket. He tried to focus on the sounds of the kids running around squealing.
He watched you eat some of the cold grapes he brought you. They were big, and you praised him lightly for finding such a great batch. He nods quietly and stares down at his lap. Everything was fine. You were fine, and so was he. "Satoru...?" Honey dripping naturally in your voice makes his head turn automatically. The worry etched on your face made the strings holding his mind together break one by one. "Are you alright..? You're sweating."
Nothing was fine. He can't believe you just said that to him. Why would you..? Why did...? Why?.....wait, why?? Why??? Why why why why why why WHY would you do that? Why would you say that to him? He sacrificed so much for you. He killed all of the assassins that went after you when the higher ups found out about you and him getting closer. He paid off your parent's debt secretly. He paid your rent. He woke up early in the mornings to talk to you because he knows you like to wake up to see the sunset. He memorized all of your schedules when you have special weeks, special breaks, he memorized all days that you memorized, he knows what mattress you like to sleep on, he knows how you like certain foods to be seasoned, he knows your favorite weather and season, he didn't fucking learn all of this about you for nothing!! WHY don't you ever appreciate everything he's ever done for you? Why don't you notice him? Why don't you love him? He stalks you every day to understand the type of man you would want to live under your roof and be under your covers and that wasn't enough.
He's been so alone all of his fucking life. No one understood him like you do. He couldn't help but open his ribcage, breaking them off of his body to one by one to let you touch his hot beating heart with your cold fingers. He wants you inside of his heart forever and never let you go, can't you understand that? He hasn't slept in three days, predetermining what he was going to say to you during this picnic, and you tell him that?? Just fucking kill him. Kill him, kick his face, spit on him, ruin him like you're doing now. He clearly doesn't matter.
"Satoru??"
He's supposed to be the one you compare playing video games with, he is supposed to be the one you watch the same tv shows with, he was supposed to go to the same school as you!! His skin is on fire, he can't breathe, his mind hurts, the grass blades are irritating his skin and the children are making his migraine worse. Are you saying something? He can't hear you. His ears are ringing.
He wants to be him. He wants to rip open the skin and spine of the man who lived in your soul since the dawn of time and crawl into his body to experience what he experienced. He wants to do all of those things with you as kids and live with you, grow with you, let him be your infatuation. He wants to rewind time. He wants to die. He wants both of you to die and be reborn to be given a second chance he can never ever have.
"Satoru!"
Your face is twisted into heavy concern and slight fear. Satoru sat in front of you, staring at you. He hasn't moved in three entire minutes. His face was covered in bucket loads of sweat, his lips twisted into a tight smile that threatened to break into a million pieces. The corners of his lips wobbled as if he was going to cry, but his eyes were wide open and dry. His legs, arms, and back stiff as he sits in such an uncomfortable position, it had to hurt. You were scared for him.
Can he hear you? You slowly raise on of your hands to touch his cheek and he flinches under your touch, finally blinking. "Yes?" You purse your lips and bring out a cold water bottle from your basket. "Here, maybe you should drink some water." He takes the water bottle you dropped into his hand. "Thank you." He whispers and sighs, twisting open the cap. You watch him guzzle the whole thing in 5 seconds. "......maybe we should go indoors." He nods, closing the now empty water bottle. "Yeah. The sun is hurting my eyes."
No part 2's. Because I don't like continuing old plot and I love seeing people go crazy for me not continuing good content.
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During my last rewatch of the prequels I was actually shocked by how much I've misremembered or decontextualized certain moments in my mind because of how they're often talked about in fandom as showing the Jedi as too arrogant, too bureaucratic, generally just burying their heads in the sand while everything goes bad etc. So I'm gonna try to address every individual scene that typically gets brought up to argue that this is an actual theme in Lucas's portrayal of the Order.
The Council doesn't take Qui-Gon's account of meeting a Sith seriously.
Mace and Ki Adi Mundi do both express doubt this guy could be a Sith. (Understandably! Historically they've never known Sith to be able to hide their existence, and for them to have survived totally in secret for a thousand years is a pretty wild thing for Qui-Gon to be so sure of.)
BUT Yoda admits that the dark side is hard to see, and Mace assures Qui-Gon they'll do everything to find out the identity of the attacker. Later he's ordered to go back to Naboo and try to draw out Maul to discover more. Qui-Gon accepts this and doesn't ask for backup. Why should he? He held his own against Maul before, and Maul's probably not gonna show himself again to face a ton of Jedi. They end up missing the chance to learn who trained Maul because of how things go down, but Qui-Gon's death isn't the result of the Council mishandling the situation.
At the funeral, Yoda says the presence of one Sith means there's another out there. They know they've got to be on guard now and will be, but they've got no more leads for now.
2. Qui-Gon's not here to free slaves.
There's this idea that slavery existing on Tatooine shows the Order is apparently too tied up doing shady things for self-interested politicians (footage not found) to help the people who really need it. But Padme's shocked to know the Skywalkers are slaves for a reason. The truth is there isn't a lot of slavery in the galaxy at this time because the Jedi have helped keep it that way for centuries only by working with the Republic. In TCW we see that Zygerrian slavers have a particular hatred of Jedi because they're literally The Anti Slavery People and did so much of the work to crack down on their trade. But Tatooine is controlled by the Hutts and they simply don't have the resources to start a war with them.
(And honestly, it's crazy how people talk like Qui-Gon's a monster for honestly and apologetically telling Anakin no, that's not why he's here. This is a child he's already indebted to and who has a hero-worshipping idea of Jedi, it would be fucked up for him not to be clear about how he can't help him and his mom.)
3. They doubt Dooku could be behind the assassination attempt.
This I understand shows the Jedi to be a little naive. But they knew Dooku as a good man, and at this point he and his followers are still putting on a show of wanting to secede for idealistic reasons (and a few of them, manipulated by Dooku, actually do have good intentions). Only later do the Jedi learn they're illegally building an army before they've even officially left the Republic and clearly have no interest in the peaceful resolution Padme's been advocating for. And they only find this out because they have Obi-Wan investigate the assassin and this very quickly leads him to Dooku.
4. "Arrogance, yes. A trait more and more common among Jedi. Even the older, more experienced ones."
In context, this line from Yoda is clearly not meant to be taken so seriously. Obi-Wan says he fears Anakin is too arrogant, and this is Yoda's light-hearted way of telling him not to be so hard on him. Part of training a Padawan is learning to trust them so they can grow, and Obi-Wan perhaps needs the reminder that he isn't done learning himself.
Of course Yoda saying this could be partly motivated by them having been caught off guard before by the existence of Darth Maul and the dark side clouding their awareness, as we're told repeatedly throughout the PT they know is a problem. But it's kind of contradictory to take this as confirmation that this is a serious fatal flaw of theirs. If someone acknowledges their own arrogance then they're aware of their ability to be wrong, which means they can't actually be that arrogant. If truly meant in a general sense and not just as a gentle reproof of Obi-Wan, it's a pretty self-deprecating comment coming from Yoda.
5. "If an item does not appear in our records, it does not exist."
Chief Librarian Jocasta Nu gives this haughty response to Obi-Wan looking for Kamino, a system that's not in the Jedi Archives. So being so overly confident in the infallible knowledge of the Jedi, he takes her word for it and totally drops this lead.
Except no, he goes to someone older and wiser to figure out what this actually means. And he and Yoda are forced to conclude that the unthinkable - a trusted person among them somehow had reason to erase information from the archive - must nonetheless be what happened. This is honestly an exception that proves the rule: Kamino, and we can assume only Kamino, is missing from the archive only because it was removed, which is so suspicious it just shows he must be on the right track to discovering something. Jocasta is kind of snooty about it but theirs obviously is supposed to be one of the most accurate and complete databases in the galaxy.
6. Obi-Wan doesn't believe what Dooku tells him about the Senate.
For one thing, in this conversation Dooku's lying about basically everything but this. And I can't ever stress enough that Palpatine is a threat unlike anything the Jedi have ever dealt with before, who's already taken control of so much before they even know they're fighting anything, so the idea that a Sith is controlling the Senate would be really hard for anyone to believe.
Still, we know Obi-Wan reports this to the Council anyway. But it's a vague statement and they still don't have any information to act on. Palpatine soon has them very busy putting out fires in the war, and naturally fighting the Separatists who are led by Sith seems the best way for them to get to the bottom of what exactly is going on with the dark side. And they do finally turn their attention to how power-hungry Palpatine is getting once the war is nearly over and they've got the bandwidth for it, and think about what they might have to do if he's the threat to their democracy they fear, but of course he's too many steps ahead of them all the time.
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So basically, what we see the Jedi being so guilty of in these examples are thought crimes. When confronted with the crazy explanation that happens to be true, their instinctive reaction is "No, I don't think that's possible." And then they do their due diligence to uncover as much of the truth as they can anyway. And Yoda, the Grand Master of them all, is often the first to admit that their first assumptions could be wrong. But Palpatine wouldn't be a good villain if his moves were predictable and he couldn't get an advantage over the good guys - that's just how storytelling works sometimes and it's not that deep.
It honestly felt stupid typing so much of this out because it's 90% just describing what actually happens in these scenes. But I guess it's a lot to ask that people actually carefully watch the films they discuss. đ
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