#i'm gonna go back to using the red stuff if this doesn't work either

[ironfloret]

lina hair saga update.  i cut like 5 inches off a few days ago (didn’t do too terrible of a job imo!) and i got the red-depositing shampoo/conditioner i mentioned and used it once but i felt bad about not using up the blonde stuff first so i am back to that.  however i’m nearing the point where i don’t think it’s doing much, i did a test where i left some of it on a strand of hair for 40 minutes and it didn’t look different at all afterwards.  so the next phase i’m thinking of is trying some at-home lightening solutions..........which i probably should have tried first honestly GDJSGFKJFDG

[k2ntoss]

im quite literally in class rn but the jason brain rot is going so strong, so all i can think of is trying to convince Jay to stay home from patrol for just one(1) night because he's working too hard

like you barely see him anymore cuz he's either out running around as Red Hood or passed the fuck out in bed throughout the day, and just having enough of it and just like, getting down and giving him the absolute best head of his life to convince him to stay in (and he does, but only because he's literally physically unable to afterwards, like legs shaky and eyes glazed over, maybe just a little bit subby too?) ughhh god i need him so baddd 😭

- your friendly neighbourhood 🦊

after too many days i'm back, i've been too low on inspiration and i hate that but i read again this today while i was at work and i GIGGLED TOO HARD, 🦊 noonie i'm gonna find you (and kiss your brain) soooo as an apology for being off a few days, here we have a slightly long smutty thing with my sweet pretty boy jay <3

it's been probably over a month since jason only came back home to pass out on the bed, he barely woke up to eat something and do one or another stuff, even bruce was a bit worried about his health but he didn't pushed on it further.

once again night falls and jay is getting all geared up on your room, tactical pants, boots and that black compression shirt that always made your mouth water on when you came in, a small pout on your lips at the sight of your too tired boyfriend "jay... you look like you could use a night off" your voice is soft and so tempting for jason, because the idea of cuddling next to you and rest seemed to be what he needed more than anything.

"princess, you know i can't do that" jason sighs, there's a glimpse of want on his eyes and it's everything your brain needs to come up with a method to convince him and you are 90% sure it will work so it takes you less than a second to walk to him, letting yourself fall to the floor right between his legs.

the sight from that point is even more encouraging because jason looks so much intimidating like that, even when he frowns totally confused at your actions "but you work way too much, jay" and he knows what you're up too so his look changes from questioning to warning and oh, if it doesn't turn you on more because you know that you have the power to turn him into a puddle "you can stay home tonight, i can call dick to tell him you're sick and that you need to rest" your head lays on his thigh as one of your hand traces softly his stomach, fingers trailing over his abs while your eyes look into his.

"sweetheart, i can't do that–" jason starts, he sounds like he's having the hardest time of his life trying to tell you 'no' and it is as your fingers start to undo the buttons of his pants and his belt, caressing him over his boxers and feeling him reacting to your touch. there's a soft growl that escapes his lips, making you sit properly on your knees and looking up at your boyfriend for him to give into your (and his) needs just for him to move so you can pull his pants down enough to see his cock grow harder under your subtle strokes.

"you need to rest, at least one night" there's that pout on your lips again and that innocent tone that he doesn't buy because how could he when you start to slide your hand under his boxers and smile when his hard shaft is completely at your mercy, hand going up and down before you lean in to press a playful kiss on his tip, it sends a jolt through his spine and he can't help the low moan that slips past his lips when your tongue traces his length before taking the head between your lips.

it's always easy for jason to get lost on how good you make him feel, even when it comes to the times he needs to do something important so here he is, one of his hands on the back of your head while you suck slowly on him not taking in too much, your hand traces the veins on the bottom of his cock before stroking it "god damn, baby... you look so good on your knees for me" his voice is hoarse and he tries to pull you down on him just to be met with a playful look from you.

"c'mon, let me do this by myself" you speak, your lips shiny as you smile at jason, his dick pressed against your cheek and he nods "that's a good boy" and the way he swallows hard makes you chuckle before your mouth wraps around his shaft. jason keeps his hands next to his legs, the way you called him a good boy made him feel like he could cum just with your touch but it would have been pretty pathetic so he holds back. his eyes are fixed on the way your head bobs, the lewd noises your mouth makes everytime his head touches your throat and he has to resist the urge to fuck your face.

there's a pop that comes out of your lips when you let go of his cock, hand still fisted around him while you pull down the front of your sleeveless top, tits spilling out for him to look. the moan that escapes his lips is unholy when you put his dick between your breasts, tongue playing with his slit while you stroke him like that and he feels in heaven "you look so good like that, baby..." your words are sweet, he loves the way it feels because he could melt right there and it's what he needs to forget about anything else. he whimpers at the second you smirk, pulling away to grab hold of him and spitting on his shaft before taking it into your mouth again, this time sucking and licking on it with more urge.

you can feel him throb on your tongue, making you pull away again "such a pretty boy, aren't you? need to cum, baby? go ahead, good boys deserve to be rewarded" you coo him right before your mouth is wrapping him again and he can't help it this time, thrusting into your throat in a needy move before you can feel him shooting his load in a whiny moan, he looks so pretty like that and it makes you want to keep making him squirm.

it takes you nothing to stand up and go sit on his lap, his body trembles under your touch and the load you've been holding on your mouth falls over your tits when you open your mouth and stick your tongue out before you pull his head towards your breasts "feel better now, baby?" you ask with a small smirk when jason hums in response, his mouth too busy on one of your nipples as he sucks while looking at you from under his eyelashes, pretty green eyes glazed as he whines softly "wanna stay home for tonight?"

"yes, mommy..." he can barely speak without sounding too slurred from how tired he felt from all the extra work and the head you just gave him.

"fine, i'll call dick to tell him you're sick"

[prettypinkporkchop]

Random Paul type deal

Warnings: sexual a bit not much, language, I believe that's it

Fem reader!

Your feet crunch down on the leaves. The forest floor is making you calm down. Your boyfriend's voice is ringing through your ears.

"I'll never love you like I used to. It's your fault I've cheated."

You moving in with Tyler was a big mistake. All you have done was love him. You changed your whole life for him! You quit your old job to move all the way to Forks with him. Now, you work a job you don't even like. You still aren't so sure why he has been like this since the move.

The green is surrounding you. It's beautiful, and you begin to consider camping out here. You shake your head at the thought. A motel seems safer. You're not sure who comes out here at night. You begin to leave the forest, retracing your steps.

Something big falls behind you, making you turn. It's a woman. She has dark skin and piercing red eyes. Your heart is pounding. She laughs as a devilish grin appears. You are frozen in fear. Before you can even blink, she's in front of your face. You feel the wind hit you from her impossibly fast movement. Her beauty is there, but you can't help but focus on the red eyes that are screaming at you, telling you to run.

Her cold fingers reach to touch your face. "Wrong time to wander off." She mumbles. All of a sudden, she jumps back and looks to her left. She snarls and runs away. Now, you're confused and even more scared. Something scarier than her is chasing her.

Two gigantic wolves hit your view. Black and brown fur and load roaring fill up your senses. You turn your feet and run. As your feet move, you see a dark silver coated wolf standing a few feet away.

You stop dead in your tracks, praying this beast doesn't kill you. The wolf steps closer to you, very slowly. You can't run. This thing is way faster than you. Your heart is about to drop dead from fear. You see its eyes, and it stops moving. He whimpers and then runs away.

You finally get to your car and jump in. You start crying and cover your face. Your phone in the passenger seat starts blowing up. You know it's Tyler. This makes you cry even harder. You hear a tap at your window. You scream and look up. You're faced with a young man. He's tan, shirtless, and has a tattoo on his arm. He seems concerned. You shake your head and roll down the window. "Can I help you?" You ask and wipe your eyes. "I think you need help, ma'am. I can help you. What's wrong?" He asks. "Everything." You sigh. "Hey, move over. Let me drive you back home." He says. "I don't know you." You reply dryly. "No, you don't. I don't know you either. But, you're upset, and I'm concerned. You're in the middle of La Push. I've never seen you around." He puts his hands above your window and leans on it, looking down at you. "You're not gonna kill me, are you?" You ask. "Nope. Not capable of it." He seems honest to you. "You're buff. I believe you can snap me in half." You giggle. He laughs and then opens your door. "No ma'am. I won't." He helps you out. You notice how tall he is. You look up at him. Oh, he's gorgeous. His eyes won't leave yours. You feel safe. You feel a connection. "What's your name?" He asks. You see his eyes moving around your face. "Y/n." You whisper. You observe his face, too. You can't help but be starstruck. He notices and then smiles, stepping back a bit. "Paul. Paul Lahote." He walks over and opens the passenger door. You get inside, and he gets in the drivers side. "Tell me what's going on?" He asks. You groan and lean your head back. "Where do I even begin?" Your phone starts ringing. You grab your phone and pick it up. "What?"

"Where are you?"

"Mmm, not your business. I'm packing my stuff." You hang up. Paul leans back in the seat and grips the steering wheel. "I see." He sighs. "Tyler. I moved in with him. Big mistake." You look out the window. "Would you believe me if I told you I saw something?" You ask quietly. "Yes." He replies. You face him again, his eyes right on you. "I saw a girl with red eyes and then huge wolves. I don't know. I think I'm going crazy." You laugh and run your hand through your hair. He shakes his head. "No, you're not crazy. I believe you. Where do you need to go?" He asks, reversing your car. "Take me to my place. I'm thankful you're with me. Be my gaurd dog?" You look at him. He smirks and keeps his eyes on the road. "Whatever you need."

After guiding him along, you sit in the bedroom, gathering all of your clothes. Paul came in with you, just in case. Tyler ended up not even being home. Paul helped you grab everything you need. You set the house key down on the table and lock the door behind you.

Paul starts driving, and the silence is killing you. "Do you work, y/n?" He breaks the quiet. "Yes. At the moment, I'm working at a diner and the library. I make just enough to pay my phone bill and the car." He nods his head. "Where do you want to go tonight?" He asks. "A motel." You sigh. "Okay, I'll pay." He says. You look at him like he's crazy. "Bruh! No!" You squeal. He laughs loudly and then stops at a red light. "You're going to see what it's like to be taken care of." His words made you jump in your seat and turn to him. "We just met! What are you talking about?" You laugh. "Hey, you have nobody and moved to Forks. You're on your own. I have friends and family. Trust me. You won't be alone anymore."

2 weeks later:

You've been super close with Paul and have been hanging around his family. Well, friends, but they're his family. Embry loves when you come along with Paul because you're the only person who will play video games with him. Quil does, but Quil has been busy lately.

Paul let you move in with him. You feel guilty and try so hard to give him money for it. He refuses to take anything from you. You are trying to find a place around him to live, but Paul never seems to want to talk about houses. Paul has a very small and cute house. He's very clean, which is a plus! He only has one bedroom, so at first you took his bed. You felt horrible for taking his bed, so you bought a blowup mattress for yourself. Of course, Paul made you stay on the bed and him take the mattress on the floor.

Your alarm wakes you up. You groan and stand up. You took today off because Paul says you need a break. You go pee and then sit on the bed. You check your phone.

Paul: good morning. I'll be home earlier than usual.

Emily: Hey, sweet girl.

The curiosity is building in your stomach. What do Paul and his friends do to make money? How's he able to help you?

You: Hey paul

Paul: Hey y/n

You: what do you even do all day?

Paul: Mechanic work.

Veey vague, lol. You cuddle into the blanket and fall asleep.

You wake up and check the time. It's 4:00 p.m. you get out of bed and decide to go over to Emily's.

"I'm so glad you're a part of the family now." She smiles as she soaks up the sun on the towel in her front yard. "I'm happy to be here. It's just strange how Paul is so willing to do all of this for me." You lean your head back. "Isn't it obvious?" She giggles. "It is, but I still don't get it." You reply. "You will." Her answer made you stop and think. You're too scared to push more. Embry, Quil, and Sam walk up to the house. "Hey, y/n!" Embry sits next to you. "Hey, guys! I'm guessing Paul will be home soon. I'm gonna cook dinner for us both." You stand up. "Housewife already?!" Quil playfully shoves you. "Oh stop! It's the least I can do for all he's done for me." You reply.

The front door opens as you put your dishes in the dishwasher. "Hey! How was it today?" You ask him. He takes off his shoes, and you see how sweaty he is. "It was good! I hope you got the rest you needed." He walks over to you. "That smells so good. I'm gonna shower and then eat." He smiles at you before walking away. You can't help but blush. Oh geez. This guy.

You start cleaning up when you accidentally cut your hand with a steak knife. "Ow! Shit!" You yell. Blood immediately starts dripping on the floor. Paul comes running out without a shirt and just his shorts. He's quickly at your side. "Woah! What happened?" He grabs your bleeding hand. He guides you over the sink with a hand on your lower back. He turns on the water and puts your hand under. "It burns." You groan. "I know, babe. Just hold on." He stands behind you, holding your hand under the water. You caught on to what he said but didn't want to point it out. He grabs peroxide out of the cabinet above you and pours it on your wound. He turns off the water and keeps his hands on you.

Later that night, you two are laying in your beds, about to sleep. Your hand is wrapped up. "Paul?" You ask. "Hmm?" You get nervous. "You called me babe earlier." You said blankly. He sighs and then turns on the lamp. You look at him in confusion. "I don't want you to go." He gets out of the mattress and sits on the bed. "What do you mean?" You ask. So quickly, he's hovering over you. His face is inches away. You could scream in fangirl. Your face turns red. You can't do this anymore. You grab the back of his neck and pull his head down. His lips meet yours. Automatically, your world begins to shift. You can feel flowers blooming inside of you. The magic is happening. His lips are perfectly on yours. His tongue makes its way in. You push the blankets off of you, and he rests his body on yours. You wrap your legs around his waist, and his hands grab your wrists, pinning you down.

He's not in bed by morning. You sit up and smile. That was the best night ever. You go to the bathroom and look in the mirror. Bruises on your inner arm, your thighs, and a hickey under your ear. You run and check your phone.

Paul: good morning babe.

You check the time and notice you're late for your shift at the library! Shit! You call them up so quickly. "Y/n, you okay?" Your boss asks you. He's the sweetest old man ever. He's super understanding. It's just you, him, and your coworker Angela. "Yes, sir. I'm okay! I'm so sorry for being late. I'm coming in." You urge. "You're okay! Look, I needed an extra day of work anyways, sweetie. You go ahead and relax. You can come back tomorrow. I know two jobs is hard." He sighs. You groan and sit on the bed. "You won't be penalized, y/n. You're okay. Just relax today." He reassures. "Thank you, Mr. Miller."

You call Paul to let him know you'll be home all day today as well. He picks up. "Hey. You okay?" He asks. "Yeah, I'm just calling to let you know I'll be home today, too."

Later that night, you two are sitting on the couch, watching TV. "Paul, can we talk?" You ask. He mutes the TV and turns to you. "What's up?" He smiles. "What are we?" You ask. "What do you want to be?" His face gets a bit closer to yours. "I want to be more than friends." You blurt it out. "There you go. You're mine." He grabs your hand. "But, I do want to talk to you about something." He adds. "Mhm?" He bites his lip, trying to conjure up the words. "I don't want you working so much. I want you to stay here with me. I know it's a lot and I know it's fast but there's a lot to be explained." He closes his eyes and sighs. "Paul, you've done so much for me. More than I could ever ask. Honestly, since I met you, I've been head over heels." You giggle. He grabs your waist and pulls you on his lap, attacking you with kisses. He stops as well as your giggling, and he looks at you. "I have to tell you something very serious." He says. You nod your head and watch his eyes. "You remember the wolves?" He looks so nervous. You pull back a bit and look over him. "What about them?" You ask in a panic. "That was Sam, Jacob, and I was the one who stood there in front of you." He explained. You never went into detail about the wolf in front of you or really what happened exactly. So the fact that he knew that, sent chills down your spine. "How?" You ask. "That red eyed woman is a vampire. My tribe descends from wolves. When a new vampire comes into town, one of us shifts." You get off of his lap and stand above him. "Why are you just now telling me this?" You ask in shock. "Because there's this thing wolves do." You stare at him, waiting for more. "Imprinting. The universe gives us a soulmate. I imprinted on you that day. You are my soulmate. If you don't want this bond, please tell me. We can just be friends if you want." He stands up in front of you and tries to hold you steady as you're beginning to panic. "Hey, sweetie. It's okay. Breathe. What can I do?" He's whispering.

2 weeks later:

Your eyes wander across your boyfriend's body. He looks down at you and grabs your waist. "I can't get over how such a hot man imprinted on me. I get to see this after every patrol." You lean up and kiss him. He holds onto you and then pulls you down on top of him on the bed. You straddle his waist, feeling him in between you. "I love you, y/n." He says on your lips. "I love you, more Paul." You say back and pull off your shirt.

"Uhm, guys, small house. Pack of wolves in here! Please." You hear Jared call out. Oh yeah, you were so engrossed in your honey. You forgot the wolves were sleeping over because of some vampire duty. You pull away from him and giggle. "Damn it. I wanted to be on top this go around." You tease. He groans and then kisses you again. "Don't let them stop you." You slap his chest softly causing him to laugh. "That's gross, Lahote."

[httpsghostie]

Hi!!! I'm obsessed with your writing, especially all the Ghost stuff. YUM!! I was wondering if you'd be able to write an angsty and emotional blurb with DBF Ghost...Maybe they get into a fight or something

Favorite Regret

pt 1 / pt 2 / pt 3

took me a while to get to this but hope you enjoy it <3

any similarities with sleep token is a mere coincidence I am not responsible for this

Summary: Simon doesn't know how to handle love, so he pushes you away.

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: dbf!Simon 'Ghost' Riley x f!reader, angst/hurt, alcohol abuse, age gap (reader's in 20s and simon in his late 30s) // masterlist

Your story with Simon began a few months back when he returned from his duty and desperately – more like unconsciously, needed affection.

It happened, you were there, emotionally available for you dad’s best friend, it was wrong, he knew it, but Christ you were too good to be true.

Always there for him, dropping off work and studies only to take care of a fever he’d have, pampering him with lots of kisses, making him a warm cup of tea. He was never a physical touch kinda guy, but with you, the way you felt lying peacefully on his chest, he couldn’t help it, he became clingy, almost annoyingly clingy.

And he filled you with empty promises, painting a future for the two of you. He held you in his arms, he let you invade his personal space – which he then called our personal space. You were in fields of elation, but every color seemed to fade as he shut the doors to his heart again.

It’s almost like he determined you were no longer useful, you had given everything to him, you trusted him wholeheartedly, just for him to take it all from you and throw it in the bin.

You hated him, the image of the one you loved and cared for turning black and white as the entirety of your relationship turned meaningless. It’s like he gave you a whole beautiful horizon that stretched ahead in front of you, and then made it disappear from your view, leaving you standing at the edge of uncertainty.

He took what he wanted from you and left.

“You’re not getting it, this is never going to work, your dad doesn’t even know about us, he’ll kill me if he finds out. God, what have I done?” He had his back turned to you as he sat on the edge of the messy bed from your previous actions. You covered your bare chest with the blanket, your face getting red and hot.

“No, you don’t get it, Simon. I’m a fucking adult, and you are a childish, self centered idiot, can’t you see it? You just cared for me when you needed someone to be by your side, and now that you don’t need me anymore, you’re gonna throw what we had away because what? You said so?” You screamed back at him, eyes filled with hot tears that dared to roll down your cheeks.

“Call me what you want, I don’t care. This was a mistake.”

“A mistake? Is that what you’re gonna call me?” Your voice was shaky, and you tried your best to keep your cool. You dressed yourself quickly, still expecting an answer from him, but he just sat there, watching all the events unfold. “What is wrong with you?”

“You don’t wanna be with me, I can’t even stand myself, you deserve someone better.”

“Someone better?” You stood in front of him in denial, crossing your arms, but he never looked at you. “Did I just hear you right?” 

“I’ve made myself clear, kid. You should go.” He finally got up, and your eyes accompanied his emerging size. But he still never looked at you, he just walked up to the front door to his apartment and opened it. You slammed it closed, pointing a finger to his face.

“You listen to me-”

“No, you listen to me.” He grabbed the sides of your arms, holding you firmly. His teary eyes staring down into your soul. “Do you think this isn’t hard for me, either? You don’t understand, we can’t be together, I can’t disappoint your father like that, I can’t be with you. I should’ve never texted you in the first place.”

And the way he spoke made you inhale a familiar smell escaping from his lips. Whiskey.

“Simon, are you drunk?” You cried. 

“Go.” He finally let go of your arms, leaving your skin almost bruised.

You brushed your arms and headed to his kitchen, trying to find the bottle that was shoved in the trash can. You picked the empty whiskey bottle, noticing a discarded pack of cigarettes — empty, too, and smashed.

"You drank half a bottle?" You raised the object to your head, he looked down, rubbing his eyes. "Unbelievable."

"You're still young, you have a prosperous future ahead of you and I won't be the one to hold you back." He said quietly, fighting back the tears and the agonizing pain in his chest.

"God, you talk like you have a terminal disease." You scolded, leaving the bottle on the kitchen aisle and grabbing your stuff from the couch. "Maybe you do, Simon, maybe your terminal disease is not being able to accept love. Maybe your terminal disease is you becoming the one who you swore you'd never become."

It came out strained, and you didn't realize you were comparing him to his father until his hand gripped your wrist tightly. He looked deep into your eyes, and you could see how pissed he was.

"I'm not him. Get out." You pulled away and he opened the door one more time. 

You didn't comply, your eyes desperately tried to find the loving Simon you knew, the one who held you close in the night, the one who couldn't stand your cheesy movies but still watched them with you. But he wasn't there, the version you saw in front of you had killed the previous one. The Simon you knew was dead.

"Simon, I didn't-"

"Get out." 

Now he screamed, almost spitting out, his hot tears flooding his eyes and rolling down his red cheeks. 

He stood outside the apartment watching you clumsily press the buttons on the elevator, giving him one last glance before finally walking away.

A mistake. That's how he said it. This relationship was a mistake, and you were his favorite regret.

taglist: @butterbunana @snoisisabitch @nuhteyam @iamabsolutelynothere @blissful--moon @jellyluvr @khomugi @xaintxun @kichimiz @frog-spot @sasukeswife3 @aly0be

[thevoidstaredback]

Week One

Kate came back and printed out the invitations as soon as she and Alfred had finished setting out the tables and chairs in the ballroom. By then, Luke and Tim had finished the list and designed the invitations, ready to print them out. At the top, there was space to write in the name of the guest. On the back, they made sure to add in the RSVP information, theme, and dress code.

Suggestions had been thrown around about having an open invitation to bring their families, practically guaranteeing that the Justice League would bring their kids, but that was way too big of a security risk. So, the plan was to put 'family' after each surname to ensure that the families were invited to come along. Besides, this was agreed to be a private event, so not even press was getting in without explicit invitation. And even then, only three people from the press were getting in.

As soon as the invitations were printed out, Tim and Luke set about the somehow even more painstaking task of putting them all in envelopes and addressing them.

"How the hell does Alfred do this for every gala you guys host?" Luke groaned about four envelopes in.

Tim shook his head. "We have a set guest list and address book for every One Percenter in the country, as well as pre-made invitations for every gala of the year. All Alfred has to do is change up the invitations at the beginning of the year, make Bruce choose who gets to be at which one, and send of the invites."

"They're all pre-printed?"

"Yep."

"That seems like a lot of work to do at once."

"Yeah, but it makes the rest of the year easier."

"That's fair."

"You guys go to some real extremes, huh?"

Tim gave him a deadpan look. "You're one of us, Luke. Besides, you really expect any less from Bruce? I'm surprised he doesn't have the names and addresses of everyone in the country!"

Luke gave a considering hum. "How do you know he doesn't?"

"Because I've seen every file on the Batcomputer. Also, it's unrealistic, even for Bruce."

"Also a fair point, but I wouldn't put it past him if he ended up cataloging everyone at some."

"Not even the government has records of every person in the country."

"You're really gonna compare Bruce to the U.S. Government? Batman?"

"Yeah, I see you're point."

It took an hour to stuff and address every envelope. It took another forty-five minutes to seal them all. And, because they're the Waynes, therefore having to be extra at everything, they used a wax seal on all of them. Two different seals, actually, one for the Justice League Heroes and one for everyone else.

The black wax on the heroes' invitations was the Wayne Family coat of arms, altered slightly after Bruce took up the cowl: A sword cut behind a shield, like most coats of arms, but there were bat wings on either side of the top half of the shield. The shield was cut into four sections; the bottom one had weighing scales; the one on the right had a magnifying glass; the one on the left was a bird; and the one on top had a W in fancy calligraphy. A string of pearls hung off the pommel of the sword, and a robin's wings and tail poked out from behind the bottom half of the shield. Finally, a banner completed the seal at the bottom reading, "Eques Caliginous"; Knight Dark.

Every other invitation was sealed with the Wayne Family seal: A W in Elizabethan Calligraphy. Red wax for these ones.

As soon as the wax had dried on all of the envelopes, Luke and Tim gathered them in a stack and were quick to send them off. Their efforts were better used elsewhere now that they were done. Mostly getting ready for patrol, as well as starting the surveillance of the rogues. The gala needed to go perfectly, especially because it was set to end just before their patrol was going to start, but none of the bats were stupid enough to not start setting up fallbacks as soon as they could.

***

Dick and Duke were on Entertainment duty, meaning they had to find both the music and ways to entertain every person in attendance. Having the guest list done made this task exponentially easier. It's be easiest if they had the RSVPs, but they didn't really have time to wait on those, so they were working under the assumption that every family invited would show up.

"It'll mostly be adults in attendance," Dick said, "But there'll be teens and kids here, too."

They were standing in the ballroom, trying to figure out how to cater to everyone. It was a hard task.

"We could have a seperate room?" Duke suggested, "Something off from the main ballroom."

"Not a bad idea," agreed Dick, "But which room? And how would we decorate it?"

Duke shrugged. "We could use one of the sitting rooms? The one by the bathrooms down the hall should work. It's close enough to hear the music, but far enough that kids can escape their parents."

Dick smiled. "Good idea! Though, what about security?"

"Um... Let Bruce handle that?"

"Even better idea! I'll go hire the live music, you wanna put together a playlist for the kids?"

"Sure," Duke started to leave the room, "You sound old, by the way!" He ran before he could see Dick's betrayed sulking.

Part 10 Part 12

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Could you do some more Sub Liu hcs? If not feel free to ignore. Have a nice day!

The only sub Liu HCs I wrote were a very long time ago and it was just a tiny snippet, so I'm just gonna count this as rewriting it. Also I added in Sully stuff because I wanted to correct it and it's easier to do them in one post than two, I hope you enjoy and I hope you have a nice day!

As I said in the previous one I think you're referencing, Liu actually enjoys submitting for his partner quite a bit. He doesn't feel the need to be dominant or submissive specifically and can do either, but I think he enjoys submitting quite a lot. I think he really enjoys letting go and allowing his partner to be the one in charge for a change. I think Liu does good from a bit of subbing to be honest, especially considering his general insecurities, so if you lay on some body praise and worshipping pretty thick, make sure to focus on making him feel good and making him know that you enjoy doing that.

 I previously said in that post that Sully would never submit for someone, and my opinions have changed so I'm correcting that too. If you get to the stage where Sully is in love with you and feels loved by you, he could absolutely submit to you, you just have to be a bit soft and careful with him. He's a bit scared about it at first, but he actually loves subbing, probably more than Liu does. Sully is always putting in so much work and effort to take care of the people he cares about and to protect him, and so to be able to just let go and allow someone to truly care about and take care of him feels unbelievably good. Both of them are quite happy to dom for you any time you want, but seriously, they are also MORE than happy to sub for you, as it comes naturally to both of them very easily, and I think they tend to enjoy sex a lot when they're able to be loved and cared for. 

Now, to list their differences! Liu prefers more vanilla subbing. He likes to be laid back, kissed all over, and praised as you go. I think Liu really enjoys having his nipples touched and played with, and I think he feels very sensitive on his hips and his back, so feel free to exploit that as you will. Liu tends to whimper and whine, and he's pretty quiet starting out, but the closer he gets to cumming, the louder he gets. He tends to lay pretty still throughout the whole thing, but his hands like to be on you, and his face is flushed bright red the whole time, and sometimes he might even cry. Liu likes body praise and edging, and when you combine both you can absolutely wreck him. If you tease him and avoid giving him what he needs he tends to start begging you for it pretty easily, whining pretty loudly as he does so.

Sully, on the other hand, likes to get a bit kinkier. He likes to be restrained (he prefers silk ties since they're gentle), with his hands and legs tied down. He doesn't like to be blindfolded, but he wouldn't mind a gag every now and then. He prefers when you suck and bite at his skin, covering him in bruises and bite marks, and he's also a fan of nail scratches. Sully feels more sensitive on his neck and legs, and he tends to moan and talk more than he whines or whimpers. He likes reassuring you that you're doing a good job and making him feel good as you go because he feels more at ease with communication. Sully tends to squirm around a lot, twitching and wiggling when he feels good. Sully really likes the difference in receiving pain while being praised, but only light pain, not hard. The other thing they both share, is that they both give you oral while they're being submissive for you. Liu loves to be on his hands and knees when he does it though (also, put your hands in his hair and pull on it for him), and Sully prefers if you use his mouth while he's restrained. They might be a bit different, but both of them really enjoy subbing for you. It honestly makes them feel much more comfortable and loved by you when you take control of them. 

[solunstell]

List of bsd headcanons

Dazai:

Has bpd. A lot of his traits remind me of my friends with it

He some kind of trans. Nonbinary. Transfem. Transmasc. Idk he's megender lmao

He's described as appearing very youthful in the first two light novels. I imagine that once the events of the main timeline start picking up though, with all the time stopping or slowing abilities that *dont affect him*, he actually ages faster than the other characters. I draw current dazai with small wrinkles, which also hints at stress and stuff

Also, I imagine current dazai getting tanner as he works in the light, as well as getting more prominent freckles.

Round/doe eyes because that is part of his appearance in my opinion. Seeming unsuspecting and innocent, especially during his mafia days

Bad eyesight in his right eye from being under the bandages for so long. Saw this headcanon and loved it

Similarly, beastzai has bad vision in general

I always call No Longer Human an anti-ability in my head, fun fact

He loves to touch other people. Not a fan of being touched by others unless asked

I draw him with red eyes in color, and usually black eyes in ink (inconsistent artstyle my beloved)

Aroace spectrum

heavy sleeper. Very

Chuuya

FRECKLES and tan from sheep days

He likes to be close to other people more than actually touching. Presence over contact

That shade of eyes that changes colors in the light (but I use a grey base lol)

Also some sort of trans, but in a different way than dazai

Brownish red hair. Not blazing, not just brown

That man is AUTISTIC

One time instinctively kicked a friend with his ability active, expecting them to dodge cuz he's used to dazai easily dodging. They did, but they were SO CLOSE to getting hit. Imagine a confused face like wtf why you try to kick me

Light sleeper, but every now and then sleeps like he just learned how to close his eyes

A lot of his jokes go over people's heads because they expect him to be serious and his voice just doesn't change between serious and not serious

Ranpo

Autism plus adhd ftw

Aroace spectrum

Poe

He/they vibes

Anxiety

Gay af

I can 100% see him being into knitting. Imagine the guide plus ranpo all in matching sweaters

Loves baking. Sooooo bad at it

Lucy

Bi (with a lean towards girlies) she/it

VERY good at baking

But she won't share :(

Atsushi

Anxiety, so much anxiety

Aroace spectrum vibes

Very easily idolizes people and then gets surprised when they actually like being around him

Akutagawa

Aroace spectrum

Autism cuz he is so mecore sometimes

Very trans vibes from me

(I like to imagine him having tourettes cuz I have tourettes and I am Not projecting)

Atsushi (special kitty hearing) and jouno being the only ones who can hear some of his tics. He will be horrified that anyone notices them

Wait no actually I'm gonna incorporate that into my belief system. That's canon now

Mori

Genuinely cares about a lot of his workers, but not all of them

He gives great bonuses for birthdays

He absolutely loves vtubers if bsd were in a modern setting. Rip mori. He'd have also loved vocaloid lmao

Ozaki

Masc energy. Fem energy. Ooh I can see ozaki with any pronouns and identity

Kinda person to accidently either overpack or underpack. Always has painkillers, never has a pen

Ridiculous memory. Incredible gift giver. Would get someone something months or years after overhearing them say they wanted something once

"Whyd you get me a hairdryer?"

"You said you needed one. I saw it and thought of you."

"...that was months ago. I got a hairdryer already."

"..." *takes hairdryer back* "sorry wrong person. I don't have my contacts in my bad"

She has perfect vision

Kunikida

Trans vibes. In any and every direction

Adhd af

Will always conveniently have room in his schedule when Aya wants to go do something and needs someone to go with her. No, he's TOTALLY not frantically writing and erasing things, get your glasses updated

You can usually count on him to continue the bit cuz he won't realize there is a bit occurring

[jasntodds]

Petrichor [10]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)

Words: 17,399

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, canon drug use, drug use (don't do drugs), blood, bruises, injuries, look the anti-fear drug turns perfectly innocent people into raging murderers and makes them do things they would never do and that's all I'm gonna say for that one, canon violence, violence, mentions of abuse

Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.

A/N: I'm sorry this is extra late lol some personal stuff happened and editing has been hard lol then I was sick so here we are I'm so sorry!! You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary  and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

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Instead of providing Dick with any sort of explanation you can think of, you decide you'll meet up with Jason instead. Dick knows he's alive and he's going to want answers which means you're going to be the one interrogated by him. But, Jason tried to kill Dick tonight and that is sending up a large red flag that almost makes you want to tell Dick everything. So, you figure you can meet up with Jason and hope he gives you a good enough reason to either keep your mouth shut or to spill what you know to Dick. Something is off and it's more than just Jason coming back from the dead.

You head outside to the front steps of the Manor. The only people awake are just you and Dick anyway, but you want to be outside for this one. You take out the burner and press redial.

"Shouldn't you be getting some damn sleep?" Jason answers.

"Shouldn't you?" You quip back. "Heard you had an eventful night."

"Fair enough." He remarks but he sounds tired.

"Can we meet?" You ask bluntly.

"Now?" Jason huffs, looking around his hideout that's lit up with lamps on the floor.

"Yeah, now." Your voice is flat and usually Jason can read what you're up to but not now.

"Why?" His brows knight together as the word is slow to leave his throat.

"I can't want to see you after you just fought the Titans?" You ask, a slight snip in your voice.

"You gonna bitch about it?" Jason quips back getting the idea maybe Dick told you what happened or Gar.

"No." You lie.

"Fine. Remember that alley the day we did that bust at the warehouse in Crime Alley?"

"Yes?"

"Meet me there. Leave now." Jason says quickly before hanging up.

You pull the phone from your head, looking at it. Now that's also a bit uncharacteristic of him. He always says it. He always tells you he loves you before he hangs up. Your heart plummets to your stomach. You made the Pet Sementary reference to him but you didn't think it would be literal. Now, you're starting to think maybe it is.

The idea that just because you can bring someone back from the dead, doesn't mean you can bring someone back from the dead. Something about them is different, there's a change. Like a part of their soul or something gets left behind. The good parts of them stay behind but everything else is what gets to come back. You know that's not entirely true because of how he was with you when you met up the first time. That can't be it. But there is something. And it's eating at you.

Jason, on the other hand, he knows you. He knows you want to meet up to check on him, yes. You’ll always want to check on him after any sort of fight with anyone. It’s what you do. But, he also knows you’re going to have questions about him attacking Dick and the other Titans. You tipped him off, sure, but maybe you didn’t think he was going to actually attack them. He knows you’re going to question him about it, probably lecture him. He doesn’t want to listen to it. He can’t listen to it. A part of him will want to break if he does and he knows it. He knows he will if he goes there clean. So, he doesn’t. He hits the inhaler and pockets it before heading to the alley.

Jason gets there first, hiding in the shadows until you show up. You’re on your bike, completely suited up. You don’t want anyone seeing you with him. Not the real you. Red Hood is pissing off a lot of people and you already have enough shit you’re dealing with. The last thing you want is a target painted on your civilian self for being seen with him.

You dismount the bike, popping the helmet on the handlebar as you look around. Jason walks out from the shadows, wearing the suit and the helmet. Of course, he is.

“I’m fine.” Jason states. You don’t like how the helmet makes him sound.

“Yeah, well, had to see for myself.” You let out a breath as you close the rest of the distance between you.

“You don’t have to worry about me anymore.” Jason takes the helmet off and he isn’t smiling or grinning. His expression is flat and your heart starts to sink.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean, Jay?” You shake your head, Jason getting a hint of annoyance in your voice.

“I mean I’m fine.” He rolls his shoulders, his voice flat.

Your eyes are scanning over him and it’s dark but you’re pretty sure he doesn’t have any bruises. It seems either the helmet and suit did a good job of protecting him tonight or Dick didn’t get a hit in. That’s at the very least a small relief but Jason Todd has never been fine. You’re starting to think he doesn’t actually know the definition of the word.

“Right. You have said you’re fine a hundred times and not once have you actually been fine.” You cross your arms over your chest.

Jason’s teeth grit for just a split second. “Don’t fucking worry. I told you. I got this handled.” Jason holds the helmet on his hip, his stance strong and sturdy.

He’s different than he was yesterday. He was grinning and smirking because it’s him. Whenever he claims to be fine, he gives you a grin as if that’s going to melt your worry away. But, not tonight and he seems bored and defensive.

“Why are you being so…weird?” You raise a brow at him.

Jason brushes you off, thankful for the drug coursing through his system. He’d never be able to deal with this without it.

“I’m not weird.” Jason defends.

“Yeah, you are. You’re acting weird.” You argue.

You don’t get it and maybe you won’t ever. But, this is him now. He’s not acting weird because this is the new him. Red Hood, fearless. He has no worries or fears anymore, just a mission. Jason swears he’s not acting weird, you’re just expecting the old him.

“This is just the new me.” He lets out this sort of chuckle that doesn’t sit well in your stomach.

“Uh-huh. Right. You seemed…kind of normal last time but now you seem…off.” Your eyes scan over his face and your heart is in your throat, the formula running through your mind.

“Just glad to be doing what Bruce couldn’t.” Jason holds his head up high with ease.

“This conversation is going fucking nowhere.” You let out a sigh as you look to the ground.

You came here with the intent to be sure he’s fine. It was to get some sort of answer. A real, solid reason not to tell Dick anything. Dick is going to have so many questions when you get back tonight. All of them will be about Jason and what his new plan is now that he’s alive. You need a reason to keep what you do know to yourself and Jason is giving you every reason to be worried enough to talk to Dick.

“So, go home.” Jason scoffs but he’s not even offended or upset. It’s like he doesn’t even care.

Your attention snaps back to him. “What the fuck? I’m worried about you and you don’t even care?”

It’s not that he doesn’t care. The drug numbs part of that but not entirely. It can’t otherwise they wouldn’t be able to have a plan in the first place. Jason has to be able to care about the city and the people he’s trying to protect otherwise there is no plan. It’s not that he does not care, it’s that he doesn’t care to go through the arguing in circles game while you dig for information.

“What else did you want? I know you want something else.” Jason dodges the question on purpose, knowing he won’t even feel guilty about it.

A lump forms in your throat as he dodges the question. He comes back to life and is, generally, normal but now he’s not? How is that even possible?

“Dick knows you’re alive.” You swallow the lump and if he’s going to pretend like this doesn’t hurt him, fine, you’ll do the same.

“Yeah, broke my other helmet, had a backup though.” Jason looks down to the helmet on his hip and then back to you with ease, the very corners of his mouth twitching into a grin.

“Oh, I’m so glad you have a spare helmet, Jason.” You snark through a scoff. “Unbelievable.” You look down and this is not how you wanted this to go. “Why did you try to shoot him?”

“He was in the way.” Jason answers casually.

The Titans are going to get in the way and Dick is the leader. Without him, the Titans will fall apart. Crane is right about Dick. He thinks he’s better than Jason. He thinks he’s the golden child, and he always was to Bruce. Bruce couldn’t even be bothered to kill the Joker for Jason but he would have for Dick. Dick dropped him from a skyscraper. Dick got him kidnapped and tortured. This all comes back to him and Bruce. 

Your eyes nearly bulge out of your head and you’re sick of the games with him right now. “Are fucking joking!?” You finally yell. This isn’t funny. Dick is his brother, he’s your friend. He could have killed him. What the fuck is wrong with him?

“Nope.” Jason gives you a grin. The drug loves confrontation.

This is not the Jason you once knew.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You glare up at him. “He’s in your way? Well, damn Jason, maybe don’t attack the fucking Titans.” You gesture your hands out as you shrug your shoulders.

Jason’s blood starts to boil as you yell. You swore you weren’t working with them but from where he’s standing, it sure as shit seems like you are. Crane said you would. Crane said you’d start working with them the second you found out what he was doing. Maybe he was right and it’s pissing Jason off. You’re supposed to be on his side.

“I thought you weren’t fucking working with them.” Jason seethes. You lied. You lied to him. Of course, you’re working with them. Maybe Crane was right about you, too.

But you tipped him off. 

“I’m fucking not! But I give a shit about them. In case you forgot, Dick saved my life twice. Gar is our best friend. Conner saved your life. Kory fucking tried to save our lives. I know you care about them. Why the hell would you go after them?”

“Dick treats me like shit. I’m fucking no one to him. He thinks he’s so much better than me.” Jason scoffs. “You said Rachel was his lap dog, but look at you now.” Jason laughs cruelly as he closes some of the distance between you. “You’re the one screaming at me and defending him.” Jason shakes his head, looking down at you.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he were trying to intimidate you.

Maybe you don’t know better.

“You tried to kill him! He pisses me off sometimes, too but I don’t want him dead! I’m not his damn lap dog, either. I just don’t know what the hell is going on. And you won’t fucking tell me.” You grit your teeth, standing toe-to-toe with him.

“That’s because it’s none of your fucking business, but don’t worry, babe, you’ll see soon enough.” Jason offers this grin that you can’t tell is him taunting you or threatening you. And from here, with him nearly standing on top of you, you can see his eyes better.

His pupils are dilated and your heart is suddenly in your throat. On the one hand, making a drug and selling it to innocent people is really bad and you were hoping that was not it. But, on the other hand, a part of you thinks him taking something is worse in a way. The formula screams from the back of your head and Dick’s general concern about it, Jason’s weird and erratic behavior before he died. Him going after the Joker. He’s definitely high and you have no fucking idea how you missed that either or what even lead him here.

“Literally, are you high right now?” You question him, hoping against all odds whatever he’s on will make him tell you, like an overconfidence thing. “Because the Jason I know wouldn’t be laughing and trying to kill the Titans. The Jason I know wouldn’t be being such a fucking dick to me right now.”

Jason lets out a laugh, ignoring your question because he’s not playing into your hand. “So, go home.” There’s a wicked look in his eyes as he looks down at you. And it hurts. “This is me, new and improved.” There’s almost something threatening in the way his eyes darken to the deepest shade of evergreen you’ve ever seen.

“If you think this an improvement, I have news for you. The new you sucks.” You spit back.

It’s like the drug loves confrontation. It’s as if confrontation triggers something. The drug is supposed to suppress fear. That’s the point of it. But it seems to do a few other things. If confrontation starts, it’s like Jason gets an adrenaline boost but not in self-defense, instead, it’s more like skydiving. It’s actually fun, it doesn’t matter who the confrontation is with. It’s fun. Thrilling. Jason doesn’t realize that maybe that was Crane's plan. He’s a mad scientist. Maybe the drug is meant to suppress his fear but maybe it’s meant to control other parts of him in just the right way to do his bidding. Like using confrontation as another drug. Jason doesn’t see it. He can’t see it because the drug, at the end of the day, is Crane’s creation. Because Crane is the one pulling the strings behind the curtain.

And unfortunately for you, you’re kicking up the confrontation.

Jason’s smile falls as he shakes his head. There’s an anger that sparks across his eyes, something you’ve never directed at you. “Really? Not what you fucking said yesterday. Not what you said earlier today when you tipped me off.”

“You weren’t like this yesterday or earlier.” You argue, holding your ground.

Jason steps forward, making you take steps back until your back hits the alley wall behind you and your heart spikes. Your head isn’t throbbing but a very small part of you, is a little bit scared. This isn’t him. Jason wouldn’t try to kill Dick. Jason does not threaten you. But there’s a look in his eyes and if he’s willing to kill Dick and attack his friends, what’s he willing to do to you?

“Go. Home.” Jason warns.

The anger is flooding every aspect of him and he wants to give in. His brain says it's gonna be fun. It'll feel good to fight and argue. It'll be great to say everything that's crossing his mind right now. He won't feel guilty or fear or worry. It's it's own little high if he just gives in. Just a little bit. But the other parts fight hard with his teeth gritting together. He fights against the anger. Because it's you.

"What-what are you gonna do if I don't?" You lack venom in your voice because you're actually curious and worried what he'll do. For the first time in knowing him, you're worried what he might do. You know he won't do anything. You know he won't. If he were going to, he would have already. But it crosses your mind anyway.

His eyes are locked on yours and he wants to fight so bad. It's going to be fun and thrilling, it'll make him feel something incredible. But only for that moment, until the high wears off. That part of him that's still him, is banging and foaming at the mouth with a wailing cry, begging him to let it go and turn around. It's as if the drug is keeping the good parts of him locked away in a prison and Jason has to decide which side he's going to be on.

But it's you.

It's never really a thought at the end of the day.

Jason takes a step back, his fists balling at his sides. Not you.

"Just go and don't fucking tell anyone." Jason warns. "You promised you wouldn't and you said you don't break them. So, fucking don't." Jason uses your own words against you.

Relief starts to come over you and you've never seen him look at you like this. Dick is right. You hate that that thought is what comes to mind. Somehow, Dick is the one that's right here. This is not the Jason you know and love. He's high and something bad is coming from this. You're going to figure out what's going on, the full story, and you're going to get him back or die trying. He's in there, yesterday proved it.

"Fine." You agree because you aren't about to argue further when he's high. You don't want to see where this is going to go or how bad it can get. "But get your shit together, Jason. I'm serious." You move past him.

"Don't do anything stupid. I'm doing this." Jason huffs.

You shake your head and Dick can handle himself. You turn to face him. "You leave me and Gar the fuck out of your shit with Dick." You warn.

"Fine." Jason agrees. He never wants to hurt Gar anyway.

"Okay." You let out a reluctant sigh. "You know," You start as you turn to fully face him. "I'll figure it out, right? You know I will. I don't know what you need to do to prepare for that, but I will. And I'm gonna get you back." You hold your voice steady.

Jason raises a brow at you. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Jason swears you can't know what's really going on. You know about the formula but Jason also knows he left a code in it to throw you, specifically, off. He doesn't think you'll figure it out and he's not entirely sure how you know anything else. He wonders if he's really acting so differently that it's sending up enough red flags.

"I know you better than anyone. I'll figure it out." You turn around. "Not giving up on you, Jay." You grab your helmet from the bike and he should be angry.

He should be scared but all he can do is laugh and there he is. There's the Jason you know. The real Jason would find you being nonchalant and casual right after that exchange amusing. It's why you did it. He's in there somewhere and you're gonna get him back. You just saw him yesterday and Dick showed you the formula. You don't like that he has to be right but he clearly is. So, you'll get him back, you're certain.

"You gonna stay outta my way then?" Jason gives you that signature grin of his and something about it eases some of your own worry.

"Guess I'll have my hands full while I figure it out so..." He can't see it, but you're smirking under your mask and helmet.

"Good fucking luck." Jason states as you start up the bike. You nod your head once before you peel off into the street.

He should be worried you'll figure it out. But he isn't and not just because of the drug. If you're busy digging into him, that means you won't be around the Titans. That means he can continue on with the plan without having to make sure you're safe. He can be as free as he wants to execute the plan in whatever way is necessary. You won't be the one caught in the crossfire. Jason is confident you won't figure it out because you have too much faith in him. You'll never believe he went to Crane.

Or maybe that's just the drug talking.

When you get back to the Manor, you meet Dick in the kitchen who's still awake trying to figure out how the hell Jason is alive. You didn't provide any information and announced you'd be back before you just left him standig inside of Jason's grave. He's hoping maybe you're willing to give him some information now since you're the one that asked to talk.

Dick places a cup of coffee in front of you as he takes his own seat in front of you at the one of the kitchen counters. "What do you know?" Dick questions, cutting right to the chase.

On the way back, you bounced back and forth on what you'd say and what you wouldn't. Jason's using and that's a problem. He's attacking the Titans which is also a problem. And he's acting weird towards you. You like to believe you can handle most things on your own but it's never really gotten you anywhere and you can't afford to fuck this one up this time just because you're stubborn and loyal to a fault.

"Look, my loyalty lives and dies with him." You state before you raise your brows. "Well, I guess lives, dies, then lives again." You roll your eyes. "And I'm not gonna betray him but...I actually don't know much." You state. "I just knew he was alive, not really anything else. He called me yesterday and asked me to meet up with him. I did. And it was him."

"How did you know it was him?" Dick asks and he isn't sure if he should believe you. You left abruptly, likely to meet up with Jason and now you want to talk? But, he's willing to listen.

"You and me." You answer. "Something we always said. He mentioned the necklace he gave me." You state as Dick glances to the infinity charm around your neck. "There's a tracker in it but only he would know that. Bruce didn't know. At least, we don't think he knew Jason did that. Few other things but that was the big one." You chew the inside of your cheek. "He, uh, he seemed...normal all things considered."

Dick's eyes narrow and he finds it hard to believe that's all you know. Dick knows the two of you were thick as thieves and you'd both go to the ends of the Earth to defend each other. But, you did admit to knowing you knew when Dick asked and Dick is getting the feeling you aren't lying this time.

"And you don't know anything else?" Dick pushes.

You take a sip of your coffee before straightening your back and clearing your throat. Dick already knows about the drug and suspects Jason is using so telling Dick that sucks, but he already knows. It's just confirmation and telling Dick how Jason is alive doesn't seem too bad. It's a Lazurus Pit, that can't be too much information. But, you decide to keep Jason having a partner to yourself. It seems safer that way. If they're dangerous like Jason thinks they are, it should be safer to keep that to yourself. But, telling Dick everything else, might be helpful in getting the old Jason back. You hate yourself for it. You hope he'll understand one day, you hope Jason will forgive you for it.

You don't think you'll forgive yourself.

"Lazarus pit. That's what he said. He said he doesn't really know how it works but someone put him in it and brought him back. That's all." You leave out him working with someone, figuring maybe that's for his own protection.

"Ra's Al Ghul probably." Dick lets out a scoff.

"League of Assassins, right?"

Dick nods his head. "Yeah."

"Think they have something to do with it? Besides the Lazurus pit?"

Dick shakes his head. "No, they would have no reason to bring Jason back, and Ra's isn't even in Gotham."

"Alright, well what are you thinking?" You ask in hopes maybe Dick has some insight. At the end of the day, you know you have a bias. You know your emotions can get in the way when it comes to Jason but Dick can put all of that aside to see what he needs to.

"You said you know him better than anyone." Dick nods his head. "Was he using? When you saw him?"

You hang your head before you offer Dick a solemn expression. "I don't know if he was using before he died. If he was, he hid it well but..." You roll your shoulders, chewing the inside of your cheek and you really hope Jason understands one day. "He was high when I met up with him." You admit, catching Dick off guard. "He wasn't yesterday but he was tonight. And for the fucking record," You state harshly. "That is the only fucking reason I'm telling you anything."

Dick didn't want to believe Jason could be using either. It's a hard pill to swallow and the confirmation does hurt him. But, Dick isn't too surprised. He found the formula and that would explain why Jason went after the Joker and how you don't know much of anything. Jason wouldn't want you involved.

"He must have been high. Maybe that's why he went after the Joker that night. Maybe he was high." Dick keeps his voice level as you roll your eyes.

"Yeah, probably." You scoff with the shake of your head. "And I missed it all which is shit. But, you know," You suck in a breath. "There's more to it and I know you know that. Him making the fucking drug and then taking it is weird as shit even for him. With his mom and shit...it just..." You shake your head. "Doesn't make any sense."

"Maybe it's a favor for someone." Dick offers, agreeing that the drug use and making seems a bit uncharacteristic.

Jason said he's working with someone and you think maybe the drug is a part of that. Whoever he's working with had to be the same person that brought him back which means they'd have to know he died in the first place. Likely would know he was going out to die which also means the Joker plan was actually a plan. You run it over in your head and the more you think about it, the more it sounds like whoever did this, had him killed on purpose with the intention to manipulate him. If the drug is linked then so is everything else.

"He'd need a good enough motive for that though." You suck in a breath. "So, if that's true, it has to be the person who brought him back, right? But, I don't know who that is. Jason didn't say shit."

"Why wouldn't he tell you?" Dick asks. "He told you a lot, didn't he?"

"Yeah, fucking sucks being left out." You snip back. "But, yeah, I don't know. He just said he can't and that was the end of it." You shrug. "Jason has only kept things a secret from me out of self-preservation that's actually just self-destruction or to protect me. So, not too big a fan of this."

"Okay well, I need you to meet up with him again and talk to him." Dick states. "We need answers and if you keep pushing him, maybe he'll tell you more."

"That's not....that's not fair. Talk about what? You want me to meet up with him and tell him to stop fucking around? And tell me everything as if I didn't already do that?" You huff. "What do you think I went to do tonight? I went for fucking answers and got none besides finding out he's high which he did not tell me. It was just obvious."

"If anyone can get to the bottom of it, it would be you. Like you said you know him better than anyone. He didn't tell me or Gar he was alive. He was shooting at me. But, he got you to meet up with him and told you first. You already know more than any of us so even if this is a new version of him that came back, the old Jason is in there somewhere. Enough to trust you." Dick tries his best to reason with you even if he knows it might be a waste of his breath.

"So, you want me to betray him?" You quip back, guilt rattling your bones like a storm cellar in the middle of a tornado.

Jason trusts you and that's not something you would ever take lightly. The one thing the two of you have always had with each other is trust. From the very first day, there has been this trust between you. It's just how it is and you getting any information and telling Dick, would be a betrayal of trust. Anything Jason says to you, you know without him even saying anything, is in confidence because it always is just as it is for you. You do not want to ever betray him, not after everything.

"No," Dick shakes his head. "It's not betrayal."

"He's gonna tell me not to tell you shit. And we both know I will listen to him." You urge and you do not want to be in the middle of it but you can't betray him. Everyone always does and you will not be like everyone else. "You want me to pick sides and look, okay? I know you guys are good and cleared up your shit and you're brothers but you are the like...leader of the Titans. That's where your loyalty lies. Gar, Kory, Conner, Dawn, Hank, they're all Titans. They will side with you. They all would follow you no matter what. Who the fuck does Jason have? That's what this shit always boils down to. He doesn't have anyone, Dick. It's just....him and me." You roll your shoulders.

"What if it saves him from himself?" Dick nods his head.

"What if it gets him killed permanently?" You question.

"You can still try. You don't have to turn on him. If he doesn't tell you not to tell us, you can come back and tell us." Dick offers, trying his best to be a voice of reason. He knows this is hard but Jason is out there killing people, innocent people, and now he's targeting the Titans. He needs to be stopped, regardless on how you feel about it.

"It's always shit said in confidence though. That's how it always is. If...if I do that, hard if, how are we supposed to come back from that? I would have been another person that betrayed his trust. It doesn't fucking matter what he's doing. I can't do that." You shake your head as you plead with Dick. "I'm not a Titan right now. My loyalty is still with him. And I don't want in the middle of it." You state. "Look, I don't even really disagree with him. He said he's cleaning up Gotham and like I said, Bruce's ways don't work. Jason, clearly, is on the same page."

"But you're having this conversation with me right now and that tells me at least some part of you doesn't agree."

"Yeah, I don't agree with him coming after the Titans and I'm worried about the drug side of this. That's the only reason we're even discussing this. I will always be on his side. I don't know if there's anything he can do that would make me quit. And this is hard enough as it is, Dick." You chew the inside of your cheek, tugging your sleeves over your hands. "I don't think he'll forgive me for telling you anything and I can't....I can't betray him more than this."

You know, without a doubt, if the roles were reversed, Jason would never give up on you. You won't do it to him, either.

"Do you believe this is all Jason? He woke up from the dead and chose this?"

It's something that's been bothering her. Him waking up and choosing this is not far-fetched. Him dying, choosing this, and neglecting to tell anyone including her about it, that's the weird part. Sam doesn't know what happened when he died but she has to believe that there is more going on. There has to be more than him just dying and neglecting to tell her anything. There has to be.

"I don't know." You shrug. "I did. He died and I chose this. So, I don't know." You clear your throat because as much as you want to believe this is all Jason, you know there's more. And you're terrified it's going to get bad. He went after Dick and this is more than Jason just trying to fight him in the Tower. "Okay, look, yeah I think something bad is going on. It is weird. I didn't decide to become a crime lord and make a drug. If, hard if, he tells me something I think I can get away with telling you, I will. But only if Jason gives me a reason to." You shake your head deciding that would be okay. Jason has to give you a reason though.

Dick nods his head and he knew it would be a long shot. "Okay."

Dick hopes you'll actually tell him anything. He needs answers and he'll keep digging himself, but you would be a big help in all of this. But, he knows the two of you have loyalty that runs deeper than the Titans.

"But," You suck in a breath. "This stays between us. I don't want the other Titans to know. They'll freak out. Well, Hank and Dawn anyway." You roll your eyes. "You know Gar, he'll believe Jason is in there somewhere. Conner doesn't know him well enough but he'll probably side with Gar or follow you anyway. Kory was the only one who didn't accuse Jason of anything. So, but if you tell one of them then you have to tell everyone so...stays between us."

You do not want Jason to figure out you're even having a conversation about working with Dick. That can't happen because you already said you won't work with the Titans. There is a reason Jason wants you out of it. If the Titans know you already knew and Dick and you had a conversation, that'll send up a red flag if it gets back to Jason somehow. And the Titans trust Dick. It has to stay between you and Dick.

"Deal." Dick sticks his hand out and you shake it. "I know this is hard but you're doing the right thing."

"If you say so." You roll your eyes. "That also means you have to get Gar off my back though. I can't go trying to meet up with Jason and Gar is right there. He won't tell me shit if Gar's around."

"Can you stop killing people?" Dick questions as he raises his brows.

You narrow your eyes. "Just while you're in town and while we sort this shit out. Got my hands a little full with Jason's shit. I still have a whole hitlist to get through, though." You raise your mug at him.

"That's not funny." Dick wanrs.

"It's not a joke." You chuckle. "I know you don't agree with me but I promise I'm not killing people who don't deserve it. I can give you their endless rap sheets. Guy I killed tonight while you guys were busy was lacing drugs and selling directly to kids and I mean like middle schoolers. He's been put away ten fucking times. They just keep letting him out. He's gotten over a hundred kids killed. Those are the fucks I'm killing. You don't have to agree with me but you should try to understand my point of view of it." You point a finger at him.

"I do." Dick nods his head. "Less kids people like him can kill but where do you draw the line?"

"Do you want to know? I have a line. They have to meet certain criteria otherwise I just scare the ever-living shit out of them and rough them up real bad."

"You have criteria?" Dick asks, his voice a mix of being appalled and confused.

"Yeah, I agree with you. We can't go out playing judge, jury, and executioner all the damn time. That's not justice. But, the system fails to protect people like me and you and Jason and Molly. It always has. It didn't protect my dad, who albeit is still a piece of shit probably, but he was hooked when he was in school. It didn't help Jason's mom. It looks at us and laughs in our faces and tells us to deal with it because we can't do anything about it. I'm doing that and hey, Jason's off his damn rocker, but he's targeting some bad people."

"Are you going to be able to live with yourself with their blood on your hands? I think that's why Jason stopped you from killing Jerry. He didn't want you to have that on your conscious."

"You know," You furrow your brows as you shake your head. "I killed some of CADMUS. And uh, I mean, I feel bad about it a little. I killed people, that's a heavy thing to carry. But, they tried to kill me, Gar, Conner, and Krypto. They tortured them. I feel bad because I'm not a monster but I also know it's what had to be done. I kill these guys and it's like...I feel bad. Someone out there gives a fuck about them. Someone out there is going through what I went through when Jason died. I feel bad for them. And I feel bad for taking a life but then I look at how many people they've either permanently hurt or killed, and I'm keeping track. I'm keeping track of every person I save by killing them. And I feel less bad about it. I feel bad because they were a person with a life and a beating heart. But, I can live with it because of the list of people I'm saving in the process. That sounds a little, uh, egotistical but it's true. That's why there's a criteria. Killing one person by accident doesn't mean they get to die. That's not justice. It's gotta be bad. Batman walks the streets and it doesn't stop these fucks. I feel bad about it, but....it's better than them killing and torturing people with no reason to stop."

"So, you think Bruce was right for throwing all of his morals away to kill the Joker?"

You let out a snort. "No, but that's not because of his morals and shit. I think anyone is capable of throwing their morals away for certain shit without it actually changing their moral compass, like Bruce killing the Joker." You explain as you sip your coffee. "But, I think it's fucked Jason had to die. None of the other people mattered enough to do something permanent about him. It took Jason's brutal murder for him to finally do something and I gotta problem with that. If anyone should have killed him, it should have been me. He killed my mom and he took Jason. Bruce only did it for Jason. I think, if you're gonna kill people for the greater good, it shouldn't be because of one single person. It should be for the greater good. There should be a list of reasons why you're killing someone. A list of reasons why they have to die. I gave Bruce all of those reasons and those weren't enough. Jason was. And that's not fucking fair to every other person that had to suffer by the hands of the Joker. So, no, fuck Bruce for killing him now. What's he gonna do? Come back and welcome Jason with open arms as if he isn't the reason Jason was murdered in the first place? Fucking stupid."

"Have you been thinking about all this this whole time?" Dick can't help but chuckle.

"Yeah," You shake your head. "And Jason but....that's been a topic I don't so much like to think about lately. So, I made a hit list." You smile softly. "Got a list of bad people to get through that Bruce won't do shit about."

"So, what you gonna go off after the Penguion next? Does he fall under your criteria since the Joker's gone?" Dick quips back, mostly digging to make sure you aren't planning on doing something like Jason.

"Nah, I think he's a fun little guy." You let out a laugh. "Something about him makes me laugh. He's bad, too sure, but he's not...that bad in the grand scheme of shit. Ya know? Penguin, sometimes helps here and there. He's not evil."

"You've had the pleasure of meeting him, then, I'm guessing?" There's a smile tugging at Dick's lips.

"Oh yeah. We went after him for something with Bruce once and I just thought he was funny. He was so serious and somehow not. If the camp genre were a person, it would be Penguin. So, I start actually laughing which then made him really mad and naturally made the whole thing that much funnier to me. So, Jason starts bursting out laughing at the top of his lungs. We're both doubled over and Penguin's face starts turning all red and he was stomping his foot. He starts yelling at Bruce to get us to stop and take him seriously and we don't know who we're messing with." You shake your head mockingly as you laugh. "His goons were trying desperately not to laugh with us!" You say through a hearty laugh. "I thought Bruce was gonna blow. But, I think he wanted to laugh, too."

"Yeah, he's always been a fun one to deal with." Dick chuckles softly. "I used to give him hell. Make fun of him. When I was Robin."

"Good, it's a lot of fun." You laugh. "I mean, he's like you. He goes by fucking Penguin and you go by Dick. You guys are setting yourself up for the jokes."

"I can't believe you just compared me to Penguin." Dick deadpans before a small smile cracks the corner of his lips.

"Facts don't lie, Dickolas."

You take another drink of your coffee and Dick is trying to be a better leader. You're going through it. Somehow, you're the one stuck in the middle of everything and you're the one most likely to be hurt in this mess. The person you care about most died and is now lying to you and fighting your friends. This can't be easy.

"Really, how did it go with Jason?" Dick asks, earning an eyebrow raise from you. "I'm asking for you, not for information."

"You being caring is kind of freaking me out." You chortle before you shake your head as a side smile starts to come to your lips. "Good, I think." You nod. "Ya know, Jason remembers everything. About us..." Your brows furrow tightly as your face falls. "And he said he remembers dying. So, there's that. Uh, but he seemed...mostly normal, actually besides the hair." You gesture to the front of your head as you crack a small smile.

"Yeah, I saw that. What's up with that anyway?" Dick chuckles. "At least he seemed okay. He told you he remembers dying?"

"Side effect of the Lazarus Pit, I guess." You shrug a shoulder. "He didn't want to talk about it, remembering dying I mean. But he said he remembers." You clear your throat. "So, that's a little worrisome. Ya know, given how Jason deals with trauma which is that he literally does not." You roll your eyes. "But, at least he's alive ya know? Being a shithead again but alive."

"Yeah, that's true. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, just need some time to process it." You clear your throat. "When you tell the Titans and half of them inevitably flip out because I knew, let them. I'll be fine." You hop down from your seat. "Like I said, they trust you. Keep it that way. They won't trust me regardless. We all know my loyalty is with him. They can't know you knew I knew. I'll be fine. I've told them off before." You start your walk to the doorway. "Night, Dick." You offer a soft smile and a nod before you spin on your heels and leave Dick alone.

Gar wakes you up the following day, saying Dick has called a meeting with everyone. You know exactly what the meeting is about and everything starts to ache from the pit of your stomach. It sucks that they're all going to know you knew and didn't tell anyone. And it sucks because that also means they'll know it's Jason under the Red Hood and maybe they won't be so forgiving. They never have been with him.

But you walk with Gar to the main living room anyway. You take a seat beside Gar with Krypto sitting at your feet and the other Titans are scattered around. Dick stands in front of all of you with his arms crossed.

Once everyone is gathered, Dick starts telling you all how he broke Red Hood's helmet last night and it was Jason. He follows it by saying he dug up Jason's grave to verify it was him. You find it weird no one even bats an eye at the grave digging but of course they don't. You keep your stare on Krypto as you pet him, knowing one of them is going to accuse you of knowing as soon as Dick finishes his explanation. You can feel Gar's stare on you and without even looking at him, you know he figured it out. And it nearly kills you because you feel like you betrayed him and that's not fair. Jason put you in the middle of it.

"You knew, didn't you?" Hank glares directly at you.

You look up to him and suck in a breath. "Well..." You shrug, scrunching your nose.

"What the hell?!" Gar yells. "And you didn't tell me!?" Gar stares at you in disbelief and you can handle Hank. He's an ass anyway but Gar? You'll never forgive yourself for keeping it from him even if it was just two days.

"Well, kind of yeah." You chew the inside of your cheek, looking away from Gar.

"And you didn't think to tell any of us?" Kory demands.

You chew your lip. You know you or Dick will tell Kory the entire story eventually and she'll understand but it hurts anyway. "He asked me not to and you all know how deep my loyalty runs with him." You glance to Dick and he doesn't like that this is what they're doing. They're not going to trust you.

"Did you know he was going after the Joker that night? Was this the plan the whole time?" Dawn questions.

It's better that they don't trust you. It's easier for you to pick a side. You need to work Jason's angle but you cannot do that if they know. Jason is smart and he'll figure it out. So, you have to swallow your guilt and stick with being solely and entirely on Jason's side just as you always have been.

"You think I knew?" You scoff. "Like that whole thing? You think I knew and just...let him do it?" You look to Dick again, as if waiting for him to add something in. He's the leader.

"You knew he was alive." Dick adds in.

"Knowing he's alive and knowing what he was up to are two very different things." You state.

"Why should we believe you?" Hank demands. "You've been lying to us the whole time!" Hank fumes as if that's going to get him anywhere.

"Because? I wouldn't let him get himself killed. In case you forgot." You retort as you scrunch your face. It is actually ridiculous Hank thinks you knew Jason was going after the Joker and let him do it. The anger starts to wash over any guilt you had just minutes ago.

"Hey! We apologized for that shit!" Hank yells. "How do we know you didn't know he was going to get killed on purpose and get brought back. Pretty convenient, isn't it?" Hank spits.

You can feel your blood start to boil. You knew this is what was going to happen but it's annoying anyway. It's the fact they think you would let him get killed. It's the fact they think he would go out and get killed on purpose. They didn't even really know him. They don't really know you. They think your grief was all fake. You get they don't believe you, you can see why. But it's also absurd. They should be mad you didn't tell them, but they should believe you would do everything in your power to stop him from going after The Joker. They should believe Jason wouldn't get killed on purpose. This is all so absurd and you aren't going to let them drag you and Jason through the mud when they don't know anything.

You nod and let out a dry and narrowed chuckle. "You know how you can believe me? Call Bruce, hunt him down, hunt down the phone records or whatever, listen to the phone call." You look to Dick. "You can ask Babs if she thinks my reaction was fucking fake. You can ask Molly who found me on the bathroom floor. I don't care but I didn't fucking know and fuck you for thinking I did." You look back to Hank with glassy eyes. "Do you know what it's like to try CPR knowing it's useless? I was covered in his blood. I didn't fucking know and he didn't get killed on fucking purpose."

"You really didn't know." Gar says quietly.

"Nope." You shake your head. "I found out two days ago."

"What about the drug? Did he say anything?" Dick asks, hoping that can calm the room down. He doesn't think you knew any of it.

"Nope. I wouldn't let him make a drug. Ask Bruce, I told him I was gonna call you and have you bring us back. Bring him back kicking and screaming if we had to."

"Are you supposed to believe this shit?" Hank yells out, gesturing a hand towards you. "Dick, come on, she's been lying to us this damn whole time. He was prepared for us to show up last night. She tipped him off!"

"Hey, fuck you!" You scream back. "Maybe he was just fucking prepared. It was a damn code! I didn't tip him off!"

"I don't fucking believe this shit!" Hanks storms.

"That's a you problem then." You quip. "Can I go now? This is you guys problem."

"No, we're not done here." Hank boasts.

"Okay, so finish up." You snark back.

"Look, Jason did this to himself and we need to find out what else he's planning." Hank crosses his arms. "He needs to be stopped."

You let out this laugh that sounds both heartbroken and pissed. "Okay."

"I always knew something was off about that kid." Hank scoffs.

"Fuck." You yell. "Seriously?" Your eyes start to water. "What the fuck is...." You pause, looking to Gar. "You know what, you're not fucking worth it. You're just gonna sit here and victim blame anyway. Have ya noticed the rest of the room is simply...confused and not losing their shit? That's just you, pal."

"He isn't a fucking victim!" Hank scoffs with a laugh. "He got himself into this mess. He could have walked away!"

"How can you say he isn't a victim? I know he told you! His mom being an addict and neglectful, yeah, victim. His dad was abusive, victim. The system? In and out of shitty foster homes, victim. Bruce took Robin away without ever having a conversation about it, victim. You...treat him like shit, victim. All of you made him want to kill himself, victim. The Joker murdered him with a crowbar, victim." You scoff. "You're not a fucking hero and I think you're the one that needs to hang up the cape and mask if you can't grasp the simple concept of a victim."

"We all have bad experiences but we're not looking to get ourselves killed and start killing." Dawn states softly.

"I'm not out there killing people." Hank grits his teeth at you "He needs to be stopped and whoever the hell he's working with, whether you like it or not, kid." Hank scoffs as he moves towards the hallway.

You aren't done yet though. You do not like Hank and if he's really going to point the blame at Jason for everything that led him here, you're going to get under his skin.

"Before you go, if I did know more, I wouldn't tell you guys anyway. I'm killing people, too and you guys don't have an issue with that. Just Jason. So, uh, you guys are on your own with this one. I'm with him." You grin back at Hank and you want to push him further. Really drive home the point you're not with them. You also just don't like him. His apology seemed more hollowed and like he was doing it because Dawn said it was the right thing to do.

"We're not playing fucking games here!" Hank yells and Dick wants to know what you're doing. You could have let him walk off and let it rest. But it is you. You don't usually do that when it comes to Jason.

"Oh, I'm not playing games either. But I know him better than anyone so while you guys are thinking poorly of him, I'll be on his side actually listening to him like I always have which then I'll get more information and I'm not sharing." You shake your head with a grin.

"Hey, kid, we're not messing around." Hank threatens. "You're gonna tell us what you know, or we're switching teams. You won't like that."

You let out a booming laugh. "Yeah, Hank? And uh, what the fuck are you gonna do about it?" You question him with a sinister grin as you get to your feet. "Gonna fight me? Torture me? Threaten to kill me? Go for it. Here's a statistic for you: Torture doesn't work. It's been proven. People are more likely to give you false information just to get it to stop. And considering the fact I was tortured for a year and nearly murdered twice, that shit does not scare me. You'll have to kill me before you get to him. And if it comes down to that, I'll have given him the heads up."

"Unbelievable." Dick sighs.

"Told you, I'd hide a body for him."

"I don't want to kill him." Dick states.

"I will." Hank scoffs. "If it ends up him versus me, kid's going down."

"So, we're killing Jason now?" Dawn questions, almost appalled. She's confused by the whole thing but you're right. The Jason you all know isn't a murderer. There is something else going on and they don't kill their own.

"Jason's always had his issues but he wasn't a full-blown psychopath." Kory adds in.

"I still think he was using. The Batcomputer didn't find anything but I found the place he was cooking." Dick states.

"He wrote his own ticket. He starts taking people out, game's over." Hank scowls.

"And you'll have to go through me, Hank." You step past Krypto, taking a few steps towards Hank. "You're not gonna kill him. I might not be able to take on Dick, but you?" You laugh. "In my sleep." Hank steps forward, Dick stopping him. "Ohhh, scary." You mock him. "I'm not fucking afraid of you." You mock him and then it hits you.

The conversation with Jason, a cure for fear. You said it would affect his adrenaline. He wouldn't care for things. It would have side effects besides just getting rid of his fear. He made a drug. He's working with someone. The way he was acting weird yesterday. He attacked Dick. Jason went after the Joker and missed the Joker right behind him. Drug that cures fear would also block out basic instincts like someone lurking behind him. Drug that cures fear.

You're gonna kill him.

You shake your head. "Here's the deal, figure it out yourselves because I'm not fighting him and I'm not betraying him. Ever. I don't fucking care. Now, I've got some shit to do so if you'll excuse me." You walk up to Dick. "You have that formula?"

Dick eyes you with confusion, pulling the paper from his pocket. "Why?"

"Told you, I'm gonna figure it out and I'm not sharing." You snatch the paper from him and leave the Titans to themselves.

"Thanks for the backup, man." Hank turns to Dick.

"Let it go, Hank." Dick lets out a sigh. "I believe her. You should, too." Dick leaves the room.

You head to your room and sit down on the bed with the formula. You pull out the tablet and start working on it. You do research into some of the files Bruce has, trying to figure it out. You make a lot of progress on it but there's a part of it that doesn't make sense. It's not a chemical or a compound. It doesn't actually mean anything. And you're thinking Jason prepared for this.

You think Jason prepared for someone to find it. Dick did it his first day which means he didn't really hide it. Jason is smart. And clearly likes codes. Maybe he should have teamed up with the damn Riddler. That might be better than what you're thinking because you have suspicions this missing piece of the formula is a code for something he didn't want anyone to figure out. And you were never very good with codes but you know someone who might be.

You make your way inside of the restaurant where you see Mr. Drake behind the counter. You offer him a kind smile, stuffing your hands deep into your jacket pockets.

"Hey, haven't seen you in awhile. The usual?" He asks.

"Uh, yeah, but um...I was actually wondering if, uh, if Tim were around? I promise I'm ordering the usual." You let out a soft laugh as you roll your shoulders.

"Yeah, of course." Mr. Drake looks over his shoulder. "Tim! Come out here, please."

Tim walks out a few seconds later, stumbling slightly over a box. Tim sees you and he's surprised to see you. Tim is very observant and he knows something that no one else has been able to figure out. He thought you might be down and out for a while because of it.

"Hey." Tim greets with confusion.

"Hey, do you like puzzles? Like codes." You rush out, trying to make it sound casual. "Genius."

"Uh..." Tom chuckles softly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, I guess. Why?"

"Can you help me with one?"

Tim walks from behind the counter, resting a hand on your arm and moving you both off to the side. "Are you okay?" Tim questions and he's known you a little through the years, not really well. But, he thinks he knows you well enough to know something weird is going on. Your boyfriend just died. "I saw Jason...on the news." Tim states.

Your eyes widen, somehow forgetting that naturally all of Gotham who watches any bit of the news or keeps up with things on social media would know Bruce Wayne's newest son was killed in a 'tragic accident'. Of course, Tim knows that.

"Right, yeah, no, uh, it's been really fucking hard. I, I just can't focus on it. I'll start crying. Thank you though." You brush it off and you wish you didn't have to lie so damn much.

"Why do you need help?" Tim's brows furrow, not buying it.

"It's a game kind of." You roll your shoulders. "I mean, you're really smart so..."

"Don't you live with Bruce Wayne? Isn't Dick Grayson back, too? They're really smart. Why are you coming to me?" Tim crosses his arms and he's definitely digging for information.

"If you can't help, that's fine. But I thought it was worth a shot." You shrug and you used the Batcomputer to look into him.

You've talked every time you've come to get food. You don't have many friends. And Molly is smart but not like this and you can't risk Molly going to Dick about it. Tim doesn't know any of them well enough to go back to Dick. And Jason probably won't figure out you went to Tim given you tend to keep Jason's secrets locked away with all of yours.

"Come on." Tim gestures for you to follow him and you offer him a wide smile.

You follow Tim into the side door through part of the building that leads into a hallway. Tim opens a door further down the empty hallway and walks right in with a sense of pride. You see an entire set up of computers and crime boards. On the walls, he has pictures of the Titans and Robin and Batman. He's definitely doing research into all of them and you think it's funny. You both always talked about who Batman and Robin could be but you did expect him to literally be putting together actual research, not like this. Him looking into Batman and Robin is kind of whatever at this point, but the Titans has your interests piqued.

"You looking into the Titans?" You gesture a finger lazily to one of the walls with pictures and news articles.

Tim holds his head up high. "I know you're a Titan." Tim holds the most confident grin you have ever seen.

You do a double take. "What?"

"You're a Titan. Acid generation, I'm guessing combat clairvoyance, too." Tim explains with ease.

Your brows furrow and you have no idea how the hell he even knows that. He hasn't been able to figure out Batman and Robin for years, but he figured you out in only a few months? A part of you is actually offended. You swore you did a better job of hiding your identity than Dick and Jason did.

"I'm not a Titan? They're from San Francisco and I'm definitely born and raised right here which you know." You raise.

"But you were uprooted, two years ago to San Francisco." Tim walks over to a desk and pulls out a file, handing it over.

You take it cautiously and you hope he knows this whole thing is weird. But, you open the files anyway and it contains information on Jerry and where you moved to. Which only makes you question how he got this because those records are supposed to be sealed.

"How the fuck did you get this?" You close the file, waving it slightly.

Tim shrugs. "I'm good with computers."

"You hacked into CPS and the GCPD to get this?" Your eyes narrow and he's definitely completely insane for this. What if he were wrong? You do admire the dedication though.

"And SFPD." Tim adds in. "Jerry was beat up pretty bad but it was just...brushed off. I think it was you. They found someone there, but it wasn't you."

"Okay, there's so much wrong with all of this, like you know that, right?" You ask. "And why the hell were you looking into me? I'm not a Titan and this is weird."

"I know it's you. The acid really gives you away. And I recognized how you walked." Tim explains. "And I've been looking into all of the Titans so..."

"You...what? You know how I walk? Do you know how insane that sounds or?" You're trying desperately to think of a lie for him to believe but at this point, you're not sure there's anything you can really say. He has it all figured out with you.

"I have a photographic memory." Tim states. "And the acid isn't some run-of-the-mill acid. It's a specific chemical compound. It's like a fingerprint."

"Okay, I'll humor this for a minute. If you live in Gotham and the girl you're thinking is me is from San Francisco, how exactly do you know the chemical compound of Bluejay and the Titan are the same?"

"The internet." Tim scoffs. "There are forums dedicated to you guys."

"Haven't you ever heard not to believe everything you read online?"

Tim chuckles softly. "Okay, I also know who Nightwing is, Batman...Robin." Tim looks to the ground with the last word and your face falls.

"Yeah, you sound insane," You let out a huff but if Tim does know this might be a problem for Dick later so you'll humor this a little longer. "I am interested in all of this though, so how do you know all of this?"

"Dick Grayson is Nightwing, former Robin. Robin1.0. Dick Grayson was in the Flying Graysons and he can perform a certain trapeze trick that only two people in the world could perform. Dick and his father. You know who else can do that trick? Nightwing and Robin 1.0." Tim explains with excitement as if he's been dying to share this with someone. "Bruce took in Dick and if Dick is Robin, Bruce has to be Batman." Tim continues. "I knew another Robin came in because the fighting style was different, the way he walked, the height difference."

"That's what I pointed out, too, to be fair." You point out.

"Exactly, well, Bruce Wayne took in Jason Todd." Tim looks away. "And...well..." Tim sucks in a breath.

"Robin 2.0 and Jason died around the same time, right?" You fill in what Tim doesn't want to say.

Tim nods shyly. "Yeah, and I recognized how he walked, too when you introduced us that day." Tim clears his throat. "So, if Dick is Nightwing, he's a Titan. Jason would have also been a Titan. That's how you met them. Now you live with Bruce during the same time Bluejay shows up."

You think about it for a second and actually, how has no one else figured that out? It is actually so obvious. But, you can't tell Tim that. He might be your friend but there's a lot going on and Dick and Bruce's secrets aren't yours to tell, even when you're mad at Bruce. It's not your place. And, honestly, you're a little worried what would happen if Jason ever found out Tim knew, especially right now. Would it paint a target on his back? To know Red Hood is Jason Todd? You won't risk it.

"Solid theory, I'll give you that but I also know Bruce and Dick. And uh, Bruce isn't a hero and Dick is a good detective, that's all. I'm just trying to survive. So, your math is a little off. But, I do need your help so we can keep going back and forth or you can help me." You change the subject before Tim gets any further into this. Dick is going to lose it.

"Alright, what is it?" Tim lets out a sigh but he knows he'll come back to it.

"Okay, I have this bit." You hand him a piece of paper where you traced the letters. "I don't know what it means but I know it's a code for something. And I think some of these chemicals are codes for real chemicals or something. They're not real so..."

"What's it for?" Tim quirks a brow as he gives you a grin.

"That's for me to figure out after you tell me what it means." You smile cheekily at him.

"You want my help but you're not gonna tell me?"

"No." You laugh. "It's just a project, it's not relevant."

"Okay." Tim sighs, walking over to one of the tables and you follow him.

Tim is definitely being so forthcoming because he knows he's right. He's helping a Titan right now. He's so sure of it and that's why you won't tell him anything. He had his suspicion of you and Jason. When you both came in, you both usually had some sort of bruise on you. And Tim had already figured out Jason was Robin. You were an easy puzzle piece to place after that. And he's definitely going to help a Titan.

"Got some of the chemicals for you." Tim states after a few minutes, showing you some of his work. You spent an hour on that and couldn't figure it out. How does he do that?

You look over the paper and you recognize a few of the chemicals but nothing rings a bell. "Huh." You mutter. "Anything else?"

"What are the chemicals used for?" Tim questions.

"I don't know." You shrug, only half lying. "I'm not a chemist." You quip. "What about the actual title? I mean that has to be a clue."

Tim works for what only seems to be a minute before he slides the paper over with pride. "Fear." Tim states, Tim leans back in his chair with a confident smile but he watches as your face falls.

"What?" You question as you look at the paper hastily.

"Says fear." Tim states. "That's the code."

You look back at him. "You sure?"

"Positive. Why? Is that important?" Tim raises a brow as he watches you carefully.

You were really hoping you'd be wrong but a drug leading to fear, Jason is working with someone that's dangerous. He won't tell you anything. Of all people and of all things Jason would be doing, he's doing this shit?

"Oh, that fucking dumbass." You grit your teeth. "Thank you, this is very helpful. I'm gonna go grab my food and be on my way." You let out a sigh, hopping down from the table as you grab the papers from Tim.

"Wait!" Tim calls after you as you're already headed for the door.

"I can pay you if you want, for your time. Really, I really really appreciate this." You let out a sigh.

"No, not that." Tim shakes his head. "What is it?"

You look at his board with all of the Titans and he's got it all figured out. He'll be fine. "You're really smart. Thank you. Don't do anything fucking stupid, though and be careful. Looking into that shit, might get a little messy." You pause and he's got it figured out. There's no stopping him but you aren't going to risk Scarecrow of all people, figuring out you involved him. "Hey, seriously, do not tell anyone we had this conversation. I was here for food, the usual, end of story. No one."

Tim nods his head. "Are people--"

"Nope, it's, uh, it's a-a murder mystery game we play." You lie. "Everyone is just trying to get my mind off it, ya know?" You suck in a breath. "And don't go telling people you think Bruce and Dick are the heroes. They'll also think you're insane and you'll get yourself committed."

"Isn't that cheating?" Tim raises.

"No, using my resources but they may not see it that way which is why you can't tell anyone." You grin before you turn on your heels and head out.

You head to the place you found Jason sneaking off to before he died. You caught him doing something and you hate to think this is what he was doing behind your back. Making a drug. It's insane to you. Jason was desperate but you had no idea he was that desperate. Of all the things for Jason to do, make a drug and possibly work with Jonathan Crane. He's the maker of the fear gas and he's dangerous. If anyone can make an anti-fear drug, it would be Crane. And you just can't believe Jason would be desperate enough to go to him but you have to know for sure.

Inside the room, you see he does in fact have his own lab. Dick wasn't lying. He really was here, behind your back, making this drug. You're so mad at him. How does he resort to this? How? Because of Robin? He never should have thought Robin was all he'd ever be good at. Jason believed Robin gave him magic. It starts and ends with Robin and Bruce. That's what this always boils down to and you're so angry at Jason and Bruce for it.

Your heart breaks the further you walks into the room, checking out the table where he still has everything laid out. And you still can't believe it. But, you need to know. If you're wrong, you can deal with that on your own. Jason is your responsibility. But, if you're right...you don't think you can keep that to yourself. You don't think you can handle that, not alone. It's going to be more than just getting Jason clean to get him back home. You aren't sure you can do it on your own. You know it's bad science but there's only one way to know for sure without bringing anyone else into this. Jason won't tell you anyway so you lay the formula on the table and get to work.

Jason did the hard part. And he didn't cover his tracks which you can't figure out why he wouldn't. If it was so dyer no one knows what's going on, why would he leave everything out? Why would he even leave the formula out with a clue? Unless that was the point. Jason likes to play games. It's what he does. Maybe that was the point. He coded the formula, leaving it out on purpose just to fuck with Dick and Bruce. You're surprised Dick didn't figure it out but again, maybe that's because even Dick wouldn't think Jason is crazy and desperate enough to go to fucking Scarecrow.

You finish the drug within an hour, the orange liquid loaded into an inhaler Jason left behind. You hold it up and debate it. Taking an unknown drug is a terrible idea. Taking any drug is a bad idea. And this could be a setup. Jason could have left it on purpose, knowing someone would figure it out and maybe take it to see. But you find that to be a long shot because what insane person finds a formula to make a drug and then takes it? Dick wouldn't do that and if this is about Dick, given Jason just tried to kill him, Jason would know Dick wouldn't just take a dug.

You know Jason better than anyone and Jason knows you. You put yourself in Jason's shoes, deciding maybe he'd know you'd figure it out eventually and do something completely idiotic like follow his footsteps which means this wouldn't be a setup. You settle on that logic and put the inhaler to your mouth before pressing the canister down and inhaling at the same time.

Your pupils dilate, your iris turning a bright shade of yellow-orange. And it all melts away.

The guilt you feel with not pestering Jason, him dying, not following him. Everything starts to fade away. The sadness of it all is there but it's more like a distant echo in a deep underground cave. There, but just barely. The guilt feels more like walking through fog instead of barbed wire ripping your throat to shreds. And, for the first time since you left Gotham, you aren't paranoid. You don't feel paranoid or scared. It's all completely gone. Every ounce of it. There's still this small sense of worry but the sadness, it's more of an echo.

The sadness, guilt, paranoia, and worry are caged deep inside the darkest parts of your mind. Screaming and howling to be let free again but the drug stands guard, laughing over their desperate cries. A sinister cackle echoing over everything else, clouding them so they can't break through. And for the first time, you get how Jason got here.

This is nice. You don't feel like you're weighted down anymore. In a way, it actually feels freeing. To not be scared and paranoid and consumed with worry and guilt. It's actually really fucking nice to not feel so damn heavy. But, that feeling of being free doesn't last long before it starts to fade into red-hot anger.

You think about how Jason lied to you, went behind your back. You were supposed to be a team and he left you. He left you to go after the Joker, he died, he made this dug, he became Red Hood without ever having a conversation with you. Jason just tried to kill Dick. He doesn't loop you in anymore. He made this drug that is so damn freeing and he never bothered to offer it to you. He never offered you a cure. He gets to be cured of all of his fear and paranoia while you're left here to suffer. And that pisses you off.

You're just furious with him so you get up and make your way to the Gotham City Gym thinking maybe that's his hideout. That's where you met up two days ago, it has to mean something and you do not care at all what's going to happen. You don't have the fear of consequences anymore. You aren't scared what's going to happen because you showed up there looking for him. It'll be fine, you assure yourself. It'll be the two of you, and Crane will never have to know and if he does, that's fine. You will go after him yourself because even though you're mad at Jason as you make your way on the bike, you still care about him. The love you have for him is still there, wrapping your bones like barbed wire, desperately clinging onto the old parts of you that aren't affected by the drug.

You don't want anything to happen to him. But you're mad. And the drug is letting anger win. So, you get to the old gym and walk right inside.

You find Jason in a room leaning over a chair and all you see is red, missing what he's working on. All you care about is getting answers and letting him know you're pissed and he's not just getting off the hook this time because you love him. This is fucked.

"What the fuck!?" You scream as you shove Jason away from the chair.

Jason turns to face you quickly. "What—" Jason eyes you with confusion, dropping the scalpel on the floor. "What the fuck are you doing here!?"

"Crane!?" You yell as you throw your arm out to the side. "You're working with Jonathan fucking Crane?!"

Jason takes a step back and he's never seen you like this before. Your nostrils flare and your jaw squares. Your pupils are blown and you look ready to kill him.

Oh no.

You figured it out. You took the drug. You figured out the formula. You took it. Why the fuck would you do that?

"How the fuck do you know that?" Jason seethes and he still has the drug pumping in his veins, too. What would normally be fear is clouded with anger.

"I figured it out! I told you I would! And I'm fucking offended you thought I wouldn't! You went to fucking Crane for an anti-fear drug!? Are you insane?!"

"Fuck you!" Jason screams back. "Did you fucking take it!?"

That was not part of the plan. Jason didn't want you involved and that included you taking a drug. It makes him a hypocrite and he knows that but he doesn't care. This is his problem, not yours. This was his decision and he didn't want this for you. If he did, he would have just told you.

"Yeah! And I gotta fucking say, it is nice not dealing with fear and paranoia and shit so fuck you for not telling me and giving it to me!" Your fists ball at your sides, Jason getting a glimpse of your knuckles changing color under the pressure.

"That's a load of shit! You're just saying that cause you're fucking high!" Jason yells back, the drug isn't as fresh for him as it is for you. He's thinking a little clearer than you are.

"Look who's fucking—" You pause, finally looking at the chair and seeing a passed out Hank shirtless with an open cut on his chest and a device lodged halfway into the cut. You shake your head looking back to Jason. "What the hell did I just walk in on?" Your voice comes back down.

"How did you figure it out?" Jason spits back, ignoring your question. He really doesn't want you involved with this one.

"Your erratic behavior before you died. The formula had a code. And you like to play games." You quip back and you see the hint of smirk come to his lips. "Exactly."

"You hate codes. How'd you figure it out?" His voice is a toxic mix of amusement and threatening.

"I'm resourceful. Don't worry, I didn't fucking tell anyone." You spit back. "Hank?" You gesture again as you blink at him.

He doesn't believe you. You're good at a lot of things but cracking puzzles and codes is not one of those things. It's why Jason was careful so that way if you found out, you wouldn't get anywhere. He knows you went to someone for help. You swore you don't lie to him but now you are. The line is being drawn in the sand and Jason decides he might as well throw you the bone. He wants to see exactly where your loyalty actually lies because the drug thinks that's going to be fun. It pumps him with everything Crane has filled his head with, tricking him into thinking it's true. And that includes you not being on his side.

"Putting a bomb in his chest. Wanna help?" Jason shrugs as a grin pulls at his lips as he picks the scalpel off the floor and goes back to Hank.

You watch him for a few seconds and you actually think about it. The drug clouds your judgment and lets you feel anger above everything else. You're pissed at Jason but you're still mad at Hank for earlier. Hanks wants to kill Jason and maybe that's what Hank came here to do. Maybe Hank was going to kill him. Jason is just taking it a step further because it's Jason. Nothing is ever so easy. But, a few seconds go by and you're still mad at Jason. You don't want Jason dead but you do want to piss him off because he pissed you off. An easy way to piss Jason off would be save Hank's dumbass from him.

"Fuck you." You bark, gaining Jason's attention and he thought you might actually take up the offer. He's not sure what he would have done if you did. "No, I'm not gonna help fucking kill him! Have you lost your damn mind? Who the hell are you?!" You scream again and you're starting to question if you're mad enough to kill someone you consider an ally. Hank is not your friend but would you take up the offer, right now, if you weren't so mad at Jason?

"I'm who I've always been!" Jason yells back. "What? Don't fucking like it?" Jason taunts you and he really hopes this will get you to leave.

If you're not going to be on his side, he wants you gone. You being around drives him insane because it's like two sides of him are at a war within him and they can't settle on where to sit or what to believe. They fight hard and fast, one side knowing you can be trusted and Jason loves you. He has to protect you at all costs. No matter what. But, the other side of him is high out of his mind and believes Crane really cares about him and wouldn't lie to him. Crane wouldn't just be using him and manipulating him. Crane is telling the truth and that includes you. Both sides are so torn and it drives Jason completely insane. This thing would be easier if you would just go the fuck away.

"You're not a murderer!"

"You're fucking a hypocrite! You're killing people! Crane was right about you." Jason sneers, closing the distance between you and you don't move even an inch as Jason looks down at you. "I'm fucking better and you hate it." It's like a game of tug of war in Jason's head and the Crane side is winning.

You grit your teeth as more anger starts to flood into your system. He told Crane about you? "Fuck you. Crane knows me? Really?" You huff up at him. "I liked you before."

"When I was fucking weak." Jason sneers. "You always just wanted to fix me. Well, I'm better and I'm not fucking scared. And you can't stand it." Jason lets out this horrid cackle.

You let out a loud groan as you look to the ceiling and even in your clouded state, you know Crane has to be using him. "He's fucking using you and manipulating you. He doesn't give a shit about you. We all do though." You mimic the laugh.

"Fuck you!" Jason huffs. "You don't know shit!" Jason doesn't want to fight with you but he can't help it. He should walk away and he knows he should but it's as if his feet are glued to the floor below him.

"Yeah, been there done that, right?" You look up to him. "He's using you. You just can't fucking see it." You shake your head. "He's a terrible, horrible, shit fucking excuse of a human and I can't believe you think he gives a fuck about you." You aren't sure if you're saying it to hurt him or if it's because it's true. You know there's no way Crane actually cares about him, there's no way not when Jason just made an anti-fear drug. There's more to that but you don't know if you're telling him because he needs to hear it or if you're just trying to hurt him.

The drug loves confrontation.

"You can't stand that I'm better! You hate that I don't need you anymore." Jason shakes his head, his nose scrunching in frustration. "I know what I'm doing and he cares about me unlike you and Dick and Bruce!" Jason screams and he doesn't mean it and he says it anyway. Maybe Crane is right. What if he is right? "We were a fucking mistake! You used me and tried to make yourself feel better by being with me!"

You pause and...that hurt. That still hurt. But instead of heartbreak, it fuels your anger. With the drug, your heartbreak gets confused with anger and all you want to do is hurt him back.

"We were a mistake?" You ask through gritted teeth.

The anti-fear drug doesn't just wipe away fear, it turns perfectly good people into hollowed and cruel skeletons of who they used to be. They're puppets under Crane's control once he says one sentence. Jason being desperate and feeling abandoned led him to Crane but the drug keeps him believing Crane. The drug keeps him in line. And you're having a similar side effect because normally, you'd never even think about hurting Jason but that's all you want because he hurt you. The drug turns perfectly good and decent people, into evil and malicious and calloused versions that are unrecognizable to everyone else.

Jason shrugs his shoulders. "Weren't we?" Jason questions and he doesn't mean it. But the panic and pain and fear is replaced with anger so he fires. "I'm worse, right? Nothing got better with you. I fucking died on your watch." Jason scoffs.

"I didn't get you killed, fuck you." You scoff.

"That all you got? Did I hurt your little feelings?" A grin pulls at Jason's lips and the voice echoing in the back of his head lets out a loud cry and it cracks the sturdy glass the drug creates. He knows he'll regret this. He doesn't mean it. He swears he doesn't mean it.

"I don't even know you right now and I don't think I want to." You shake your head and even when you know you should hold back, you don't. The words come out in a hasty rage before you can even process them because they'll hurt him. "This why Rose lied to you? Maybe it was to protect herself from you, right? Get close and you lose your shit and hit below the belt."

"Fuck you! Yeah? What about Gar? You say I don't tell you shit, well now you know how he felt. How do you think Molly feels right now?" Jason snaps right back.

"Gar is my friend and he's waiting back at the manor for me." You shrug your shoulders as you look Jason up and down. "Where's Rose?" You quip back. You don't mean it. You don't mean any of it. You don't even know why you're thinking it. It's not true. This was a bad idea. The drug was a bad idea.

He knows. He knows deep down you don't mean it because he doesn't either. He'd never say any of this to you and he doesn't even think any of it. But Crane is in his head and he makes so many good points, and you're making him so fucking mad. And if it weren't for the drug, he knows, he'd be terrified of what's going to happen when Crane finds out you know. What Crane is going to ask him to do. He'd be scared for your life. And your well-being. He loves you but he can't see through the anger and the numbness. He can't see through it. But, there's still that pecking for you right in the back of his head, right in the stitched letters of your name on his heart. Not you.

"Leave or let me do this. Two fucking choices." Jason sucks in a breath before he turns around and heads back towards Hank.

"You're not killing him." You move towards Jason and yank him back by his hood, just enough to stop him.

Jason stumbles back, eyes locked and angered on you. "You gonna stop me?" Jason scowls, holding a scalpel in one hand.

You won't let him kill Hank. The drug says it'll be fun and then Hank will be out of your hair. You won't have to defend Jason against him anymore and he won't be annoying. He'll be dead. That'll be the end of it. Hank won't be a bother to anyone anymore but stopping Jason will piss him off and something about that seems a little bit more fun. But, there is a small pecking at the back of your head. Jason yanking you off of Jerry because you shouldn't have blood on your hands. The memory flashes like a flashbang against everything you should be thinking while high and you swear you won't let him. It's time to repay the favor, high or not.

Jason's formula was always a little off. The drug Jason is taking now is upgraded, it's better because Crane manufactured this with Jason's help getting the supplies. Your version is a little off.

"Only if you make me have to." You shake your head, blocking Hank from Jason.

Jason hesitates. If you were anyone else, you wouldn't have gotten this far into an argument and he's pretty sure you know that. And he also knows that with the drug, even his version of it, you won't back down.

"Hank has always treated me like shit. You don't fucking get it." Jason shakes his head.

"And killing him is gonna make it all better?" You quip back. "Cause that's shit. He's a fucking ass to me, too but I'm not trying to kill him."

"Because you were always a coward." Jason's voice lacks the venom this time as if he knows what he's saying isn't true and it's not right.

"Maybe." You shrug. "But at least I'm not someone killing an innocent person." You scoff. "So, what does that make you?" You ask and even in this state, you just want him to be the Jason before he died. It's all you want.

Jason shakes his head. "I'm not scared anymore." His voice is level this time and honest. The venom has evaporated and even in this state, your heart breaks. How did he fucking get here?

"Is it worth it? Losing your friends? Dick, Bruce, Gar?" You pause for a second. "Me?"

Jason shakes his head and you'll never get it. "You don't get it." He can't let you get in his head and that's what you're doing. Jason shuts his eyes for just a second before he shakes his head, snapping himself out of it. "Now move and go the fuck home."

You nod your head and Jason is the one drawing the line, not you. You have given him every chance and opportunity to give you a reason to side with him and he will not do it. He only gives you reasons to be against him and you hate it, even in this state.

"No." You shake your head and cross your arms. "You're gonna have to fucking fight me, Jay."

Jason moves forward, looking down at you and for a second, you think he'll let it go. But, instead, he shoves you to the side. Not hard, but enough to get you out of the way. Jason swears he's not going to be the one to fight you first. It is his one fucking line he has been able to not cross and he swears he can't do that. Not you.

You fire back, shoving him harder and further away from Hank.

"All you got, babe? Thought I taught you better than that." Jason taunts.

"Yeah, well, I learned from Dick, too and I'm not throwing the first punch." You stand toe-to-toe with Jason. "You'll have to do that, Red Hood."

"Out the fucking way." Jason shoves you again, this time a little harder than before.

"You get the fuck out of the way." You shove him harder, this time Jason falling to the ground.

He looks up at you with so much anger, it nearly breaks you. He's never looked at you like that before. And maybe if he weren't high, he'd find it impressive and endearing. But he is high and he doesn't give a fuck. He swings his leg, tripping you and you fall to the floor.

Jason is back on his feet before you, quickly moving to Hank and trying to get the bomb readjusted. You move closer to him, kicking Jason in the back of the knees and sending him to the floor which gives you enough time to get to your feet.

"Wake the fuck up, Hank!" You shake him quickly, trying to wake him up but Jason trips you again, this time taking one kick to the back of the knee and then the front.

You look at Jason as he's still on the ground. You're not going to get anywhere if all you two do is keep tripping each other. And the drug loves a good fight.

"Okay, fine. Do you really wanna do this? You really wanna fight me?" You question.

"You're the one that wants to fight." Jason huffs.

The part with the drug would love to fight you. He knows he will win but you'll put up a good fight and it'll be fun. But, the better part of him, the part that always wins when it comes to you, wants to kick his heart through his ribs and onto the cement floor. He can't fight you. He can't do it. Not you. Anyone but you.

"You're the one trying to kill someone." You quip.

"You're not gonna fucking stop me."

"I have to fucking try!" Your voice finally cracks as you yell.

"Good luck." Jason barks as he gets to his feet.

You don't really want to fight him either. Like Jason, you have that part of you that still doesn't want to cross that line, no matter what. But, Jason can't come back from killing one of your own. The Titans will never forgive that, regardless of his reason. It doesn't matter if this isn't really him. They won't forgive him because it's Jason. You don't want that for him. If your options are to fight him or let him kill Hank, you really only have one choice.

And the drug is thrilled about it.

You get to your feet, keeping a few feet between you. "If you go down for five seconds, this is it. Got it?" You offer him.

Jason lets out a cackle. "Fuck no."

"You're a better fighter, right? What the fuck are you so scared for?" You say it on purpose, knowing it'll get him to fight.

Jason eyes you for a few seconds, knowing he can't possibly say no now. The drug is winning over the logical side of him and he has to agree. But, he also knows he'll still pull his punches. Maybe you can go a few rounds and you'll get tired. Jason remembers how it feels when his version of the drug wears off and how long it usually lasts. He's not sure when you took it but he's hoping maybe a few rounds and it'll wear off a little, make you too tired to continue then neither of you have to fight your hardest. He doesn't want to and he's betting you don't either.

"Fine. Five seconds. You, too. You go down and I can finish what I started without you getting in the fucking way." Jason nods his head. "No weapons and no acid."

"Deal." You nod your head as you lift up your hoodie and unbuckle the belt with all of your knives, dropping it on the floor.

Jason pulls both guns from his holsters, walking over and putting them on a table. Then he starts pulling his own knives out of his pockets and boots, resting them with the guns before he walks back over. Jason stands three feet in front of you who's eyes haven't left him.

"Two outta three?" Jason questions and all he can hear is his heart in his ears.

"Fine." You agree, sucking in a breath. "You and me."

Jason's jaw locks. "You and me."

You and Jason stand a few feet away from each other. The two of you take a few seconds, almost contemplating if this is a good idea. This was a line Jason swore, no matter what, he'd never cross. It's you. He doesn't want to fight you but he has to do this. He doesn't have a choice. That's the thing about the anti-fear drug. He's easy to manipulate when it comes to Crane and he doesn't feel anything. Not just fear. So, he takes the first step forward and goes to trip you again but you dodge him, taking the first official swing to his face.

The two of you fight a little harder against each other than you normally do. You know you'll lose. You always did. It doesn't matter. He's better, he's faster. And the clairvoyance has a loophole. Apparently, a lot of it is rooted in fear factor, adrenaline and the anti-fear drug diminishes that. Fighting Jason without the clairvoyance is more difficult. You can't tell where the next hit is coming from and you have to be completely on defence. Maybe you should have trained a little more with Dick after all. But, you try and strike as hard and as fast as you can. You put up a good fight.

Jason is pulling his punches. You aren't in the suit. You have nothing to protect you and even though he should care more, he is not careless. He doesn't want to hurt you so he pulls his punches, despite knowing you'll never forgive him for it. And the more he pulls his punches, the better chance you stand on tiring yourself out by the time the drug starts to wear off. Jason is just buying time so he can finish Hank because he needs to. It's part of the plan. Crane said it has to happen and he has to listen. So, he keeps fighting until you go down twice, coughing and gasping.

Jason counts but it's slower than usual as you try to use your remaining energy against him to no avail. The drug might tell him this is fun and thrilling, it'll be worth it in the end. But, the real Jason hates every single second of this. It never should have been like this and if he weren't high, he would have walked away. If you weren't high, you probably would have, too. But, now you're both here bloody and bruised fighting over fucking Hank Hall.

"Five." Jason heaves from above you. His jaw is squared and he hates himself for it. "We had a deal." Jason takes in a full breath, watching your expression soften and fall, your pupils returning to normal.

You look up at him, blood pooling in your mouth and leaking from a gash on your head. Jason has blood splitting his lip and drips dropping from his nose. But, he's foggy and distant. You tried. You tried your absolute hardest and your eyes are heavy while your limps feel like the blood has been replaced with cement.

You sit up, your head spinning slightly but not the way it usually does with a concussion, this is different. You rest your hands on the floor, scooting back until your back hits the wall and you lean your head back, closing your eyes.

You're so tired. You're exhausted and all you want to do is sleep. But, the fear starts to creep back into your system. The numbness you felt is being washed away like a sandcastle on a beach while the tide comes in. And everything starts to hurt.

Everything you just said to Jason, everything he said it you. It all hurts and then fear comes in and now you're terrified you messed everything up. What happens if Crane finds out you know? Is Crane going to think Jason did it? Is he going to find a replacement? What if he wants you dead and asks Jason to do it? Where does that leave him? 

Jason glances over to you as he gets the bomb readjusted. The gash doesn't seem deep, there isn't too much blood and the blood from your mouth is from a small cut on your lip. It's nothing worse than what either of you got from sparring with each other and Gar and Rachel. But, Jason watches you for a few more seconds, just being sure. 

"You okay?" Jason finds it himself to ask as he places the bomb in position.

"Tired." Your voice cracks and you think about what the Titans are going to say when Hank dies.

This is your fault. You weren't fast enough and you weren't good enough. Hank is going to die because Jason was manipulated and used and put a bomb in his chest. And you were too weak to stop him. Even while high, you still pulled your punches because it's him. They're never going to forgive either of you.

"It's wearing off, isn't it?" Jason asks, his voice stern as he places the bomb in Hank's chest, following the blueprints.

"Yeah..." Your voice is so small, making Jason look back over at you. He's definitely burning that lab down.

You wonder if this is normal. If it is, how did you miss it? You wonder how much Jason actually used it for you to have not noticed. Maybe he only used it a few times and only when he was out. The drug definitely didn't last very long. You just wish you would have noticed something was wrong.

"You'll feel better in a bit." Jason states as he closes the skin around the bomb. 

You fall silent, keeping your eyes closed. This can't be what a normal comedown feels like. You're somehow both so exhausted you could sleep for a week and you're terrified. Every piece of fear you had before is amplified and you're stuck between wanting to sleep and wanting to run away from everything. If you thought you could get up, you'd run out of Gotham and away from this mess. But, your head is spinning and your arms and legs hurt while your chest feels like it's going to collapse on itself.

Jason calls your name, glancing over to you again.

He knows what happens with his version. There's a comedown and it's rough. Every fear and mistake and regret floods back in a tidal wave, taking over all of the relief the drug provided all while making it impossible to stay awake. It doesn't last long, twenty minutes but Jason swears it's always long enough to keep him going back to the drug to not feel that way again. The new version has a similar effect but instead of a crash, it's slower like a stranger in the night following him and waiting for the perfect moment. With every step, he grows more uneasy and home seems further away. But, you didn't take the new version, so he keeps glancing at you just to make sure you're okay.

Maybe this whole thing was a bad idea.

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[shirefantasies]

From mossthebogwitch I had no idea what i was doing but I did my best.

Since it was now a dare i am submitting myself for a matchup: presently I am mortified.but too curious to back down now. I have sealed my own fate per usual. I appreciate you taking me on this journey and hope you enjoy the experience! I don't know what gender I prefer in partner: I have a huge weakness for Kíli - I have no hard fast rules- just have fun it's a Tumblr matchup yknow?🤣

I would prefer Hobbit based matches since that is my current hyperfixation.

I radiate golden retriever energy: loyal, never gonna give you upn never gonna let you down, never gonna turn around and desert you. I'm the unofficial security guard according to my boss. I have a level head under pressure and I don't back down.  I have a constant stream of humor. The comedy doesn't end. I enjoy being an artist and writer in many media's. I study folklore and weird nature things. Im the weird facts kid grown up to the ' adult who knows how to do a bunch of different things'.

I have trouble socializing due to anxiety and OCD. Because of this I'm naturally more of a watcher until I feel comfortable.  I'm either casually friendly or hiding behind other people talking.  I'm a mom friend and the one people go to for help. I work in counseling its natures pipeline.

If I'm not working, reading, tending my pets, wild foraging for supplies or exploring hiking trails, I can be found cobbling together my house and garden from whatever I get my grabby hands on.

I have a community garden and regularly supply winter camping gear, food, first aid, and hygienic supplies. I do feral cat housing too so I just do a lot of weird stuff. Last week I saved a squirrel?? Befriending crows is starting this week lol. Never dull.

I plan on painting my entire house in fantasy based murals and hiding meme paintings behind appliances..Spock is behind my stove.

One funny thing i do that my coworkers thinks is hilarious is I have an entire measurement system for measuring animals using only potatoes as a counting system. Yknow how you count horses with hands?I count animals using potatoes and i am right every time the key is when to switch your counter between Russetts and Yukon golds. It's a good day when a growing animal graduates from being counted from russetts to Yukon golds.

I'm 5'0  and don't mind because I grew up LOTR with Gimli!! He's short and I'm short too!! I am told I have mood ring eyes that change shades of blue with my emotions and I'm red green color blind so that's fun.

Voted most likely to have a mug of coffee or tea in hand at work while I give one of my coworkers a gentle peptalk which turns into me pulling out the Gimli scale and asking them where they are on there today.

Yes, this is great @mossthebogwitch ! More detail always helps on my end 🥰 also you sound like such a fun person I wanna be friends 😆😆😆 the potato counting & secret memes are legendary OMG! I definitely saw you with a dwarf right away, but after some thought, I decided on...

Bofur!

You meet under curious circumstances, you having settled at the foot of the great mountain after the war. Thinking you are alone, you had made your way to the woods, idly walking until a chattering squirrel spiraling up a tree distracts you. Given your love of animals, you strike up a conversation, getting quite lost in it all when a jovial voice rings out behind you, asking if you’re getting along, then. Turning, you see a dwarf with a large floppy hat and twin braids standing a ways behind you, apologizing for startling you- you must've jumped more than you realized. In the end, he introduces himself as Bofur and offers you a piece of one of his brother's biscuits from his pockets to give to the squirrel. Finding out that he works as a toymaker, you promise to visit his shop, and when you take in all the wonders he creates with his cousin, well, you can hardly stay away! Bofur ends up enlisting you to paint murals upon the walls of his and Bifur’s shop, which the young ones of Erebor and New Dale alike delight greatly in. Bifur is very impressed by your art and building skills, elbowing Bofur at every chance he gets and waggling his eyebrows over the amazing lass that’s seemingly just fallen into his life.

The first time Bofur actually initiates some time alone with you, he asks you to join him for a night in town, and that’s when he learns you work with livestock. You best believe he laughs his mustache off at your counting technique and also vows to steal it. You can see in his manner, though, and what you know of him that he would be great with the animals too. He can see that you prefer him not to ask so many personal questions and to lead the conversation which he is more than happy to do! He tells you all about his family, the quest he went on, his funny nice hobbit friend Bilbo, where to get the best ale in town if you’re into that sort of thing, a cool rock his brother found in the mines the other day, you name it! Everything is lighter when you two are together. Ever the gentleman, he waits to share your first kiss until he is completely sure you’re ready.

Bofur loves your height; you are a few inches taller than him, not much but just so that he can rest his forehead against yours and put his head on your shoulder. Either one of you can cuddle against the other’s chest as desired. Knowing how much of your time goes to helping others, though, brings the dwarf to lean heavily towards caring for you whether that means he is the one holding you or singing for you or simply by giving you lots of time to get comfortable and express your needs, even if it’s hard. Even in your most tender moments, though, both of you are cracking jokes. Always laughter between you two! Anything big gets called a Yukon Gold with you two because he just loves that saying so much.

If you are comfortable with it, Bofur loves to take you dancing just to show you off! He also adores the way you’ll stand up for him if anyone is mean or pushy- your loyalty is astounding and you truly have a dwarf-like spirit. He gets heart eyes when you become a de facto bouncer and actually throw a drunk or two out of the place. He also takes you camping, pitching a tent and bringing your supplies so you can stay wrapped outside with your animal friends and some weenies to roast beneath the stars.

Teases you to high heaven about being colorblind, though. Overdramatically reminds you what color you’re painting that toy, asks you if you’re sure that’s the right color for the leaves on your mural. Feel free to smack him lightly, he knows he deserves it and he’ll just laugh! If anxiety or OCD symptoms lead to you having a routine or a placement of things that being comfort (if so, big mood friend!), Bofur is definitely the best at remembering to have them out there and follow that for you, no questions asked. You’ll feel so cared for, that his house is a home. You are his warm hearth, his neverending laughter, the only person who could convince him to take home a wounded opossum and call it Bofur jr. but this is his life now and you know what? Bifur was right- he’d run into quite a catch in those woods, a lass far more beautiful than any old fern or flower.

Taglist: @lokilover476 @fuckyoumakeart @kilibaggins @pirate-lord-of-narnia @ibabblealot @joonies-word @stormchaser819 | Reply/Ask/Message to join!

[rainbowmess823]

You absolutely cannot change my mind about this:

- Steve is the mom, Robin is the dad, Eddie and Nancy are the step parents, and Jonathan and Argyle are the really cool uncles.

- Steve definitely mothers everyone, there's curfew, there's a carpool scheduled, and, even if he doesn't admit it, he has definitely got into a shout match with a ref or another mom about his kid and another kid.

- Robin definitely fits the dad, she helps out with the kid's homework (especially languages classes), she has thrown one punch at a jock for picking on one of the kids tho she made them swear never to let anyone know that she punched someone for them, and her arsenal of dad jokes help.

- Eddie and Nancy both are step-in parents when the kids can't find either Steve or Robin, there's usually a threat of violence involved and the kids feeling extremely safe with the two tho both Steve and Robin scold all of them for it.

---

"No, Eddie! You can't say you'll summon Satan if they pick on Dustin."

"Nancy don't flash them your revolver please, I know they shoved Lucas but bullets wont solve this."

"THAT IS NOT WHAT WE RESORT TO WHEN PEOPLE TALK ABOUT MAX AND HER WHEELCHAIR! NO PUT MY BAT DOWN!"

"I'm not mad but...when we agreed to talk I imagined the talking with less threat of bodily harm and more of 'Hey! that's my brother so back off or else.' But it works."

---

- Jonathan and Argyle are very much the chill, laid-back uncles for when the kids just want to vent or want to see a different kind of perspective.

- Steve and Eddie parent Dustin and they have Sunday morning put aside for sci-fi movies in their pajamas.

- Robin parents the Sinclairs who loves that they get Robin to themselves on Mondays bcos they get milkshakes and talk about easy stuff like how their week is so far or Robin teaching them new shit.

- Eddie and Robin share custody of Will with Jonathan and all four of them have a bi-weekly gossip session at a diner, they talk shit about ppl and judge jocks.

---

"He's so stupid but so cute."

"You are down baaaad, mini Byers."

"He was terrible in California, I wanna hit him."

"I'll hold him down and you can handle him."

"I like the way you think, Buckley."

"We have a deal, Byers."

"Remind me never to get on your bad sides."

"Please don't."

---

- Robin and Nancy parents Max and they have a day-in every Sunday morning where they play music and do their own thing, Nancy's working on her article, Robin is reading her other language book, and Max is playing tea party with Holly (who sneaks her way in every morning to play with her new big sister Max).

- Nancy and Jonathan parents Mike and it a more of a subtle parenting caring thing bcos all three of them are emotionally constipated, there's casual check-ins and subtle reassurances.

- Argyle and El are the communal uncle and child, respectively.

- The kids go to Argyle for advice about anything under the sun and loves his relax attitude on life.

- The teens love El and makes sure she gets a semi-normal childhood which mean cartoon Friday with Steve, learning new things with Robin, shopping with Nancy, listening to new music with Eddie, bedtime stories with Jonathan, and advice about what life can be with Argyle.

- Everyone is absolutely terrified of Jonathan and Robin that when being scolded the two are used as a threat.

---

"Mike you better be down here on time or I'll have Jonathan and Robin teach you about punctuality!"

"I said no, Henderson! I swear to God, I'll have Jon and Rob take you for the week instead."

"Usually I'd say "hell yeah, red!" But Jonny and Buck scare me as much as they scare you and they'll find out we did this so I'm gonna have to say no."

---

- Jonathan and Robin get along so well and together they can get so scary.

- When the entire party are hanging out together they get scared when both Jonathan and Robin being scolding them bcos it's scarier than Nancy and definitely scarier than the Updie Down.

---

"I told you it was a bad idea! We're gonna get I trouble!"

"Relaaax, Eddie wouldn't care, Nancy's always telling us to do it ourselves and Steve won't know."

"I don't think stealing booze from the cabin counts, Michael."

"Don't call me, Michael!"

"They can't say anything all three of them drank waaaay more at our age anyway."

"Dustin, you may have a point but that's not what I'm worried about."

"Will's right you guys. Robbie and Jonathan are here so maybe we shouldn't be doing this."

"We'll be fi--"

"What do you four think you're doing?"

"That better not be alcohol, mini dinguses."

"Shit."

----

Tadaaaaa? I just find it funny just how scary both Jonathan and Robin can be. Just imagine for a bit how scary those two can be together when any of the kids are theirs for the week. They'd be so chill but as soon as you do a wrong they can be so firm that none of the older teens would dare cross both of them. Anyway! Tadaaaa

[aladaylessecondblog]

Red Mountain Waffle House, pt. 4 ("The Hand")

Sadara kept the corprus thing under wraps. She told Jiub--but no one else.

"Well if that doesn't suck shit I don't know what does," he said through the cigarette dangling from his lips, "You okay? Gonna need me to shank you before you go crazy? When did you get bitten, a couple days ago?"

"A few months, actually," she said, "That's the strange part, I haven't had any symptoms. Not a rash or a boil or anything."

There was a pause. He flicked the cigarette, opened the baggie before him, and set it on the table.

"You got the papers?"

"Do I have the papers..." Sadara scoffed. "With the week I've had I don't think I'll ever forget them again!"

She handed over the bag and Jiub set them out and started rolling their weed into joints.

"Makes me wonder why we ever decided to come here, y'know. We could be doing pretty good just killing cliffracers."

"Yeah, and sleeping outside and in all conditions...I don't want to do that again. Ever." Sadara sighed, and checked on the ash yam stew on the stove, giving it a few stirs before coming back. "Like it wasn't bad, and this time we were choosing to do it, but..."

"But you're sick of it and want a permanent roof over your head. Even if it's just this shithole."

"Exactly. See, you understand me so well."

It was a friendship that went back to when they were both young and hungry. Easier to be poor when you had someone to watch your back and help you out when you needed it. And though they'd parted a few times due to one thing or another, they usually ended up watching each other's back again. Sometimes people thought they were dating, and she'd asked him once, but Jiub didn't seem interested. Didn't like girls, but didn't seem to like guys, either...

He was always good to pretend he was her boyfriend to put off the creeps, though.

"Yeah, maybe I'm a bit tired of it too, I'll be honest...fighting and scraping and trying to heal up from all the fights with cliffracers...like...I can buy healing potions and all, but who's to say we don't get got by a pack of them at some point?"

"So we work at a restaurant where we only get shit from people on two legs."

It wasn't THAT bad, really. The corprus monsters left her alone now, and why that was she couldn't figure out. Maybe having it made them think of her as just another one of them?

There'd be time to debate over it. She'd just have to keep an eye on it, and pray it didn't get any worse than it already was.

-----------------

"Hey, hey, Greg, how ya doing?" Jiub waved as the imperial walked through the door. "So you finally decided to join us in civilization?"

"Something like that," Greg laughed. He was a fairly jovial sort, and the one with a fairly large house (how he owned it inside the Ghostfence was a mystery to everyone) and thus the guy who held all the best house parties. To be friendly with him was always a good idea, even if they weren't entirely sure if he wasn't Sanguine's avatar or something. "You two gonna be free in two weeks? Say, Saturday?"

"What's happening saturday?"

"What d'you think's happening? We'll have ale and sujamma, but if you can bring a little green that'll be appreciated."

"Can't get ahold of any?" Sadara took his order for a waffle and some eggs and stayed at his table as Jiub went to work cooking. "Or you just want some to mellow out?"

"A little of both, it's been harder to get and Jiub's always had a way with the stuff. Oughta grow your own...or maybe you do already, in which case keep up the good work."

Sadara handed him the coffee and plate once Jiub was done cooking. "He's got a green thumb. Me...me, mine's pure black, inside and out. Except for that plant on the windowsill. The local cult leader seems to think I'm Nerevar returned because he was like that too."

"Is that so? Well, that guy's a bit isolated...he'll turn up to a party now and then, but mainly to--"

The door bell jingled and in walked a pair of ordinators. One of them same as Sadara had tossed out before, and she immediately tensed on sight of him.

"At least there's none of those things in here tonight," the mer said, "You'd probably welcome them with open arms."

She didn't respond.

Greg paid and left shortly afterwards, saying he'd give them specifics on when to turn up later. Sadara went over to the ordinators' table.

"And what will the two of you be having?"

The first one was muted, tired, and asked just for some sausage and eggs. The angry one glared up at her, "A Temple-fearing waitress would be a good thing to have, but obviously we're both out of luck now, aren't we?"

"To eat, sir." Her tone was icy, and she could see the temper broiling beneath the man's severe expression.

"Coffee, and eggs."

She took the order and walked back to her place. Shortly after, Ulen entered, and the ordinators tensed up.

"Ulen, it's good to see you again," Sadara said, "The sky looks like it's been threatening to rain all day, does that mean you expect to see..."

"Ah, not today, most likely," Ulen replied. "He has much to handle at home. Something has livened him up and we are all happier for it."

His gaze such as it was, turned to hers.

"YOU again," the ordinator snarled from the corner. When his food was ready a moment later, he was still seething. "I don't care if his money spends well, suppose the ordinators stopped coming here because you're obviously in with the Dagoths?"

"I'm not in with ANYONE," Sadara replied, "It's economics. They spend more than you anyway, it wouldn't be much of a loss."

"How DARE--"

"Can we not right now?" his partner said, "We're off duty, they're not violent, it's not worth the fight."

"The duty never ceases."

A groan.

Ulen didn't acknowledge them, and spoke instead to Sadara. "Your arm, it is healed?"

"Yes. Where did you--oh, right. He must've told you. Please tell me he doesn't have me watched."

"He DOES want to be sure his Nerevar doesn't come to harm."

"HIS Nerevar?" Sadara gave a laugh, and then not wanting to appear rude quickly added, "I'm sorry, it's just a ridiculous idea to me. Me, who's never been to Morrowind before the ship brought me here, and he thinks I'm the incarnate of Nerevar--"

"He thinks you're WHAT?"

The last sentence, spoken perhaps a bit too loud, had caught the ordinator's attention. He stood up so quickly his plate was turned over and clattered to the floor.

"The SHARMAT thinks you're Nerevar," the ordinator charged forward and grabbed her by the collar, "Now you've reached the point of outright heresy and that I CANNOT ignore."

"Get the fuck off me, you creep!" Sadara moved and kneed him in the crotch.

The ordinator let go, but slapped her with his right hand a moment later. "The Temple will know. And the Temple will do to you what they do to ALL those who think to call themselves Nerevarine!"

Sadara decked him then, and dragged him outside, hearing only a faint, "I tell him not to do this shit" from the ordinator's partner, who kept calmly drinking his coffee.

"I'm not Nerevar, but I'll damn sure kick your ass like I was!" She ducked a fireball from the ordinator and gave him another hit on the jaw. The fight that followed was confusing - she would recall afterwards getting cut by his blade, getting knocked in the head, sitting on his chest and punching his face bloody, but nothing more than that. What she did remember was going back inside to clean up.

Ulen came forward to heal the cut, and she thanked him. Gladly, the ordinator's partner left soon after, saying "he just gets like this" and both of them did not return to cause more trouble.

----------------------------------

A few days later, Sadara's black eye had come in in full bloom, and she had to get a pair of shades to cover it up. The mail tracking app said the package was due to be delivered today, and she went out to the mailbox to check.

Except there wasn't one package, there was two. One was definitely the sunglasses marked "Tiber Mart", but the other was wrapped in postal paper, tied with twine, and marked only with "A Gift" in the most cursive, flourished, show-offy handwriting possible.

She brought them both inside, and after checking that the sunglasses covered up her black eye well enough she looked to the other box. A Gift. What in the hells?

Sadara pulled the end of the twine and tore off the paper. The box was neat and expensive looking, but the scent was horrendous, and for a minute she considered tossing it out. The ordinators might've sent her a stinkbomb, or something poisonous, maybe...

Against her better judgement she opened the lid.

And screamed.

There, within the box, was the bloody, rotten, bonemold gauntleted hand of an ordinator.

[crashdevlin]

Losses and Gains 5- Messages

Author’s Note: This is the fifth chapter of Losses and Gains, the second part of To Have it All. This is Something More...from Jensen's side!

Summary: Songs can convey messages...and sometimes they convey the exact one Jensen wants conveyed.

Pairing:  Jensen x Reader, background Reader x Tom Hiddleston

Word count: 3191

Story Warnings: open marriage, mentions of depression and heartbreak, bad things, alcohol as a crutch, anger, fighting, mentions of divorce

~~~

Drunk on set is not a good look for anybody, but sobbing on set isn't a good look either, and I knew I had to numb the pain in my heart to get through a workday. Having seen Y/n with Tom on the Late Show and in several red carpet interviews where he didn't let his hand stray from her lower back, it proved that Y/n and Tom were going to last. They were stuck on each other, and I lost her.

I got bitter with Danneel again pretty quickly. As soon as she mentioned my drinking, I stopped holding it back.

"So, what, you're gonna take away my liquor like you took away Y/n? I'm not allowed to have anything I want?"

Dee scoffed loudly. "I didn't take Y/n away from you! She chose to leave you to find happ-"

"She left because you were a bitch, and you made her feel cheap and used when I made her feel appreciated and loved, and now she's with a guy that holds her hand and touches her possessively on red carpets, and you drove her there because you got jealous of her when it wasn't-"

"You fell in love, and she was ruining everything! I was within my rights to put her in her place and-"

"I never should have let you meet! You ruined everything. I ruined everything. She did nothing, but you ran her off, and that's not okay!"

"No, she was a complete angel who did nothing but steal you from your wife."

"She didn't steal me! You gave me away! You encouraged me to be with-"

"I gave you what you wanted! And, ya know what, I'll give you what you want now, too," she said before hanging up on me. I was too hammered to be worried about what that might mean.

Gino messaged me a couple of days later. What did you do? Why is D talking to a lawyer?

Shit.

There was no positive thinking my way out of this. Danneel was going to divorce me. Y/n was happy with Tom. I had fucked myself out of everything good in my life. So I doubled down on my drinking.

Jared must've gotten worried when I stopped answering the phone. I mean, it died, I didn't charge it, so there was no way to answer his calls or texts. I was busy with my scotch anyway. He came by the condo, used the spare key I gave him before Y/n even moved in, and picked me up off the floor in my bathroom. How I ended up there is a mystery for Glenlivet and me.

"Jesus, Ackles. What have you done to yourself?"

"Doesn'even madder, man. Nuffin madders."

Jared sighed, a sad understanding in his eyes as he set me on the edge of the tub and kneeled in front of me. "What happened?"

"Danneel’s done. Y/n's done. I'm done. Nothin' madders."

"What, the show doesn't matter? The fans don’t matter? I don't matter?"

"I didn't say-" I started to argue as his phone beeped with a message. He grabbed me a glass of water and handed it to me.

"You've fucked everything up, but that doesn't mean you get to fuck my stuff up. You're gonna sober the hell up and get dressed, and we're gonna go to work, Jensen, because when you're down this low, you have to find something to fight for. It's not Dee or Y/n, so let it be me. Let it be your kids. Let it be your goddamn dog if you need. But you're gonna find something…" His words trailed off as he pulled out his phone. "...to fight for. Gimme a second. Drink that," he said, pointing at the water as he dialed a number and walked a few feet away.

I strained to hear him, curious about what could steal his attention from me at that moment. "You okay?” he asked quietly. “What’s wrong? What’s the problem?”

“Whossat?” I asked, cringing a bit at how slurred the words were.

“Doesn’t matter, dude. Drink your water.” Jared snapped, looking over his shoulder at me as I tried to stand. He turned his attention back to the phone, and his tone softened a little. “You better not hang up on me. I have time and energy enough for both of you. Tell me what’s wrong.”

He doesn't talk to a lot of people like that. Firm, supportive, brotherly. I knew it was her. I needed another drink, and water wasn't going to do the trick. “Okay. I understand that. Where are you right now?” he asked. I imagined she responded that she was in London or somewhere far away with Tom. Far away from me, from Jared, from anyone...and she seemed to be having trouble too. But not me-trouble...her-trouble, brain-trouble. I used to be the one who'd help her.

“Did you talk to him?” Jared asked as I picked up the bottle from where it rolled under the sink. He pulled the phone away from his ear when he noticed me. “Damn it, Jensen, put down the scotch.”

“Don’t tell me what to do, Padalecki. I’m fine.” It was a lie, but who cares?

“We have to be on set in three hours, and you need to sober the fuck up.” That was the truth, though. Unfortunately. Jared turned his attention back to her, and I set the bottle on the bathroom vanity. “Sorry about that. Have you talked to him?” He nodded as I ran warm water and splashed my face. “Okay. How have you been sleeping?”

He listened to her answer, nodding. “You're not drinking, are you?” Jared cleared his throat, seeming purposely to avoid looking at me. “Not anything? When’s the last time you hit the gym? You know that can help a lot.”

He nodded as I took a drink of my water. I contemplated a sandwich or a bagel as he adjusted the phone. "Look, I know that hotel has an on-site gym. Get some sweats on and go jump on an elliptical.”

By the way he smiled, I knew that she’d agreed. He was good at making people take care of themselves. I looked down at the water in my hand and took a drink.

“You know that you can call me anytime you need me.” She said something that made him look over at me. “Yeah. Hey, are you going to be making it to Toronto?”

I scoffed and stood. “She’s not gonna be there when we’re there, Padalecki. You’re not gonna get to see her. Nobody gets time with her except Loki.”

Jared gave me a look between tired and sad and kept looking at me as I leaned against the sink and took another drink of water. “Is there any possibility that I can convince you to stick around and have lunch with me on Sunday?” I was eager to know what she’d say, so I leaned a bit toward him. I couldn’t hear the words, but I knew she responded that she’d have to ask Tom. “Well, come on…he doesn’t own you, Y/n. If you want to see me on a Sunday, you should be able just to do that.” Jared sounded just as irritated with that answer as I was. He sighed and adjusted his beanie. “Okay. Feel better. Text me when you know if you can make it to lunch. Bye.”

I cleared my throat and left the bathroom, heading for the kitchen to get myself something to soak up the whiskey. “Trouble in paradise?” I asked, pulling open the fridge as Jared followed me.

“It’s none of your business. You need to focus on your own trouble.”

“Right. Which trouble is that gonna be?” I grabbed a takeout container from the diner I ordered from three days before and tossed it in the microwave without looking at the food. “The fact that Danneel is gonna divorce me? The fact that I can’t go a day without crying lately? The fact that I’m ruining your life too, just by being attached to you? Which trouble should I focus on?”

“Danneel is gonna divorce you because you couldn’t get your head out of your ass.”

I shrugged. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter.”

His eyebrows went up. “It doesn’t matter? It doesn’t matter that your wife is going to divorce you?”

I shook my head. “Nah. I’m too tired for this shit.”

“You’re too tired? To fight for your marriage?”

“I’m too tired to fight for any-fucking-thing.” The microwave beeped as it reached 0, and I pulled out the pancake breakfast. “I’m just physically and emotionally exhausted, Jared.”

He scoffed and scratched his eyebrow. “This is the stupidest shit you’ve ever said, man. You need to fix this.”

I nodded and flipped open the takeout container. “Yeah. Would’ve been easier before all this shit.”

“Yeah, probably, but you gotta think of your kids and your future. Y/n isn’t part of that anymore. Dee…well, she might not be either, but you gotta make things easier. Do me a favor, Ackles…if you have to drink, do it on the off days…and less hard liquor. You might be Dean Winchester, but you don’t have his plot armor liver, right?”

I scoffed and nodded. “Yeah, okay. Beer, it is.”

“Thank you,” he said, and then he hugged me. Jared’s got magic hugs…and I almost felt better for a few minutes.

Just for a few.

~~~

<<Are you singing for Toronto?

I stared down at my phone for a while. It was a perfectly normal question that Steve Norton asked before every convention. Am I singing for the Saturday Night Special? Used to fill me with apprehension, then with giddiness, now though…sadness. I used to get up and listen to Y/n. I used to sing with her. We used to have the time of our lives backstage and then head to my damn hotel to make love. What was I supposed to do?

But Y/n was going to be there. She always was. She loves singing…and I could at least listen to her and get lost in some memories of the better times…and maybe I could get a message across in the meantime. Maybe I could use Saturday Night Special to get her to understand how much pain I was really feeling…in a gentle way. In a way that wouldn’t hurt her. In a way that said I was hurting, but I was gonna be okay. Maybe.

>>Yeah. I’ll sing one.

I kept tabs on her through Twitter and stuff for Friday. She seemed good. She seemed happy. She always seemed happy. I had to wonder how much of that was bullshit, though, because she had just been on the phone to Jared less than two weeks ago. She was just having troubles bad enough to call on the moose. But she did the karaoke, and she took pictures in the green room, and she smiled and laughed with the fans at her panel. She seemed put together.

I wasn’t even close, but I put some concealer on under my eyes and gel in my hair. I put on a leather jacket, and I went to SNS. I made a point to stay by the door so I could see her when she arrived, but Jason pulled me away to talk about something completely insignificant that completely distracted me, and I barely noticed when she walked in. Rob walked up to confirm what I was singing, and I acted like I had hardly thought about it.

“I dunno. I’m not really feelin’ upbeat music. Want somethin’ powerful, painful. So, no ‘Whipping Post’ or anything Eagles or whatnot. I’m thinking…Johnny Cash’s cover of ‘Hurt’.”

Rob nodded. “Sure. We can pull the acoustic out. I think that’ll sound awesome. You, uh, you doin’ okay, though?”

I smiled as bright as I could. “I’m great, Rob. It’s gonna be an amazing show.”

Rob smiled back and turned to look at Y/n, and I couldn’t ignore her anymore. She was standing just ten feet away, and she had to have been listening to us. “Y/n, are you gonna do ‘Gunpowder and Lead’?” he asked.

“No. I-I told Stephen a week ago that I was doing ‘Dead Flowers,” she squeaked. She was stumbling over her words and singing a depressing song. She was all out of sorts. For some reason, seeing it up close made me feel a bit better. She wasn’t happy…and that meant I didn’t have to work to maintain her happiness. I didn’t have to let her be happy with Tom because she wasn’t fucking happy.

I looked away, angry with myself for even thinking that shit. It’d be petty to rub it in her face. It’d be shitty.

“Oh, yeah! Sorry. I forgot. It’s on the setlist and everything. Shit.”

“It’s cool. There’s a reason there’s a setlist,” Y/n said with an awkward smile. Rob just nodded and walked away, leaving Y/n and me just standing there. “Well, this is gonna be a depressing set. Swain should cover it with ‘Mama’s Jam’ or something.” Her trying to break the tension made me wanna have a big ol’ glass of Jack, so I walked away toward the plastic folding table they set up a makeshift wet bar on. I had just gotten there and was about to pick up a Solo cup when I heard, “Don’t drink.” I could almost feel her forcing herself to say the words; the way she spoke was so apprehensive and sad. I set my hands flat on the table, forcing myself to stay turned in the opposite direction, facing away from her where I couldn’t see her face, and she couldn’t see mine. “It’s not helping you.”

“That’s not any of your fucking business now, is it?” I spat out in a kneejerk reaction. But it gave me a chance to remember that I’d told Jared I would lay off the whiskey. I grabbed a beer from the cooler next to the table and walked away to let the others distract me.

The night went by pretty easily, but then Y/n got up on stage. ‘Dead Flowers’. “I feel like the flowers in this vase…They’re sittin’ in a vase, but now they’re dead. Dead flowers.” Shit. I felt that in my soul. The worst part was that I could tell that she felt it in her soul, too. She wasn’t happy. She missed me. She felt like dead flowers, so why wasn’t she coming back?!

Was it too complicated now? Was she still scared that Dee was leaving because fuck, that was already pretty much a done deal? Was she afraid of the backlash if she left him? Was he just…better even if he made her sad?

Her voice started wavering in the second verse, but that’s when the band came in hard, so they covered her for the audience…but not for me. Not for Kim or Bri. Everyone could tell that she had wrapped herself up in her emotions, and it was hitting her. As soon as she got down from the stage, Kim and Briana ran over to be with her. They took no time holding her and whispering to her. It made things a little better for me because I couldn’t comfort her, not that I was in a comforting mindset in the first place, but they could. She still had other members of the Family that would lift her, even when Jared wasn’t around. That was good…and it meant that there would be support for her when I got up there and sent my message.

Looking out at the audience as Rob grabbed his acoustic and stepped to the side, I saw a sea of people who just adored everything about me. Of course, none of them knew the mess I was underneath the mask, under the smile and the makeup and the leather jacket. Fuck, some of them would have adored me more if they knew I was falling apart. They would have loved the emotional honesty of the thing…and maybe that’s why so many of them went star-eyed when I started in on those painful lyrics. “I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that’s real.”

I put every ounce of my emotion into those words. Every drop of misery and heartache into “And you could have it all, my empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt.” because I wanted her to feel it. I wanted her to know. I wasn’t drinking to put some guilt trip on her. I wasn’t drinking to help me. I was drinking because I had to…because it was the only way.

I waved at the fans, gave a slight bow to them to show my thanks, and then I slowly descended the stage area. Y/n was frantically wiping at her eyes. Her cheeks were wet, and she had obviously been bawling by the puffiness and redness in the whites of her eyes. She got the message. She felt it. Good.

~~~

“So, you got the chance to see her tonight, right?” Jared barely greeted me on the phone call before he jumped into the hard stuff. “Are you okay?”

“She’s not okay. Jared, she’s not happy.”

I could hear him sigh. “She said she’s-”

“She’s lying!” I insisted.

“How do you know?”

“Because I know her!” I rubbed my eye and licked my lips, feeling guilty about snapping at him. “I know her, and she isn’t okay. She’s singing about dead flowers and crying…and she called you a few days ago so I know you know she’s not-”

“She was having a bad day. She’s allowed.”

I rolled my eyes. “No, she wasn’t having a bad day. She’s having a bad life, but she knows she made her choice. She’s not happy. She’s not-”

“What do you expect to do about it? Like you said, she made her choice. Did she give any indication that she regretted making that choice?”

I shook my head and sat on the edge of my hotel bed. “No. But…come on, Jared. You know this doesn’t sit right. You know she’s not happy.”

“I know that she’s had a few low moments, but that doesn’t mean she’s not happy. I have low moments, too.”

“It’s not the same.”

“How exactly is it different?”

“I…I don’t know, but it’s different. This isn’t…Jared, just…when you see her tomorrow, fix it. Make her tell you what’s actually wrong.”

“I’m not going to make her do anything. But I’ll figure out if she’s okay and do what I can to help her. That’s the best I can promise.”

“Guess that’ll have to do.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Right.” I hung up and flopped backward on the bed. I stared at the ceiling for a few moments before I let my eyes close.

[litrumi]

(ADLN - Understand Me AU) Ability Compendium (??? Powers: Overview)

A brief overview of Catnap's and Dogday's special abilities in "A Drop of Light in the Night" (Catnap X Dogday) [ADLN] - Otherwise known as the "Understand Me AU". It's my currently in-progress fanfic on Wattpad.

PLEASE refer to this Overview/Synopsis post if you have no idea what this even is, but are curious nonetheless. Don't start looking here until you've caught up.

So !!! SPOILERS AHEAD !!! - You've been warned.

Figured I'd make a compiled list with explanations of how these abilities work. All "???" stuff will be replaced/updated when I reach those points in the publications of the chapters. So refer BACK to this whenever the story progresses with such topics, and feel free to ask questions if you wanna know something more specific! But I'm gonna try my best not to spoil much either if it hasn't been revealed.

*All underlined / hyperlinks on the abilities themselves are just a reference to the type of music/soundtrack I "associate" with the power when I'm writing about it in the story.

**This part is just for me to reference every once in a while.

Draft Made: (6/3/24 - 5:03 PM) First Posting: (6/11/24 - 8:24 PM) Last Updated: (6/11/24 - 8:24 PM) **

Right, so here we go!

-

(s.) Catnap's abilities:

Red Smoke: Something that's been with him for as long as he can remember. This smoke can induce a long, restful sleep. However, it comes at the cost of "having nightmares" and has the "potential to cause hallucinations." Yet, it may even have something to do with a certain "connection" he's well aware of. (Something he's able to "put two and two together" on, if you've ever heard that idiom before). Either way, Catnap actively hates this ability, preferring not to use it if he can help it.

???:

-

(s.) Dogday's abilities:

Thought Process: When Dogday touches his forehead to someone else's forehead, his sun-shaped pendant gives off a gentle glow. With great focus, he can listen in on someone's private thoughts. Anything the person thinks is something Dogday can hear, like if they were speaking it in their voice. Dogday's thoughts are not transmitted to the other person unless he "willingly transfers a thought over," letting him have great control of the internal conversation.

What Dogday realized is that people typically say stuff after they've figured out how they want to say it, allowing them to be well-guarded and sly/secretive. But, because people's minds are usually a safe haven for private thoughts, they have no issue (or much less of a problem) with thinking what they really believe. Basically, a person's mind is unfiltered communication! It's a lot harder for people to hide what they really think. (But not impossible...)

However, one catch to this incredibly useful tactic is that as long as a person so much as "thinks" about wanting Dogday to stop reading their mind (no matter how they phrase it, as long as it means it with the intention), then Dogday gets a small, static-like shock to the brain that cuts off the connection, disconnects their foreheads, and does not allow Dogday to listen in on their thoughts for a sizeable amount of time. (It doesn't hurt much, but it's like any ol' feeling of static electricity). *"?" Addendum:

???:

-

...Awakening... Transcendence...

-

[an-oddlyfluffycarpet]

okay SO y'know how in the FIRST first season Nya gets kidnapped by garmadon and kai joins the ninja to save her? What if he didn't go with sensei Wu cause "who TF are you and what do you want with my sister-" and he trys fighting garmadon on his own, nearly getting killed before Nya unlocks her water powers (instead of kai unlocking his fire powers) and escapes on her own, joining the ninja instead of kai, who goes back to their blacksmith business and just continues doing that, but in this au he's a good fucking blacksmith bc he had to be, and also he practiced when nya was off doing cool ninja stuff.

then when Lloyd enters the picture kai also comes back into it, as he found Lloyd in the desert while he was looking for the serpentine, and kai was just on a walk when he find him. Lloyd passes out bc of the heat and Kai's like wtf and brings him back to the shop, sending a letter to Nya cause she mentioned some dumb kid with a cool hoodie causing trouble and Lloyd fits that description pretty well. So after Lloyd wakes up, he gets time to just be a kid cause canon refused to give him that- and when the ninja pop by, Kai's like "yeah kids in the back. He's just reading some of your old textbooks, sis. you guys can come pick em up, except for you wu, you son of a-" and they pick him up, he's the green ninja, blah blah blah, anyhoo!- at the point in the show where Nya unlocks her water powers, instead, it's kai unlocking his fire powers! (Obviously with some changes to the season as a whole for that- cause fire doesn't do shit against ghosts-)

Anyhoo, it pretty much goes like-

"hey guys I'm gonna go see my brother." "oo! Can we come?" "I guess??? I'm going by train though, since he hates it whenever I just fly in on my dragon." "I'm sure it'll be fine if we just drop in near town, nya. No need for a train." (It wasnt. They got scolded for making kai fuck up an important order with their landing.)

But later, Cole, jay, and Zane are 'training' (playing) in the yard in front of the forge, and Kai's working on some stuff, when Lloyd bursts in through the door, hoping to scare someone- kai's shocked, and jumps back, right into the open flame he was working with. He gets up and everyone's staring at him in shock. Kai's like "what?" And they're all like "HOW ARE YOU NOT DEAD-"

So someone runs and gets Nya, and they figure out Kai's the 'master of fire'. He's hesitant to join them at first, since he just found out he has powers and also has no ninja training whatsoever, but Nya finally convinces him, and he becomes part of the team. He already knows how to fight, and spends most of his time either in his cabin, or below deck in the makeshift forge he made. Just because he became a ninja doesn't mean he'd give up the family business!

And instead of Samurai X, there's some idiot in red running around with a sword ♡.

Anyways, y'know how earlier I mentioned how the season would be changed around a bit to fit this au? Yeah, heres most of the changes!!

Morro is still a dick, and he still possess Lloyd! Instead of kai fighting him, it's Nya, as her being Lloyd's big sis is more prominent. Water still is the only way to kill a ghost, but the preeminent is too big and too strong for even a tsunami to truly work. Nya passes out due to exhaustion and kai, who was technically there to deliver a set of armour to a customer, goes into protective big brother mode and sets the preeminent on fire- like, he sets the bits of Stix that she used as armour on fire since it's wooden, and manages to sink her via the pain of burning alive. Instead of the side focus on nya's training to become the water ninja, it's on Kai's struggles to seperate himself from work as a blacksmith, his feelings of never quite being enough compared to the other ninja, his fear of hurting people with his powers instead of helping them, and how he doesn't feel like he truly belongs, because of the bond the other ninja formed throughout the seasons. And unlike with Nya, Kai's not with them on their travels. He's in the blacksmith's shop. He doesn't get to see his little sis save the world, or risk her life day in and day out. He's not apart of their adventures until his fire powers are realized.

[moonshinemusings]

This blog *-* Can I have a headcanon for Price ? The ones for Soap and Alejandro are ghgffhh <3

Hello there! I'm really glad you like my blog, thank you! Here are some headcanons about our favourite Captain :)

---

General John Price headcanons (Pt.1)

Warnings: slight mentions of PTSD, depression (?), smoking, canon typical violence

A/N: This turns pretty grim by the end, but I hope you still like it!

• This man watches football whenever he can and he's been at matches quite a lot in his life. He took Gaz with him a few times, even Laswell once

• Sometimes he snores like a dad and Gaz needed several days to get used to the sound in order to sleep when they started working together

• Tells horrible dad jokes all the time and he knows most of the guys hate them, but won't stop

• Coughs like his lungs will collapse but somehow he's healthy

• His knee always crunches like it's about to break

• He's mostly unperturbed by all the carnage and violence by now, but he saw a baby being born once and almost fainted and threw up

• In full honesty he doesn't mind cheaper cigars, but he likes to fuck with everyone by acting like he hates them

• The smell of the smoke on his breath/clothes is really noteable but he doesn't care

• Has a high alcohol tolerance. The only way you will know if he's getting tipsy is by noticing the subtle change in his accent to deeper and more slurred words. If somehow he's really gone, then you will know by the little red tints on his cheeks (which are mostly hidden by his facial hair, but you can see it up close)

• Not an early bird. He tends to be grumpy in the mornings, but if you give him coffee it's gonna be fine

• Which reminds me: his preferred drink will always be a good whiskey, but he usually downs anything he has to (coffee, tea, those horrible protein shakes, vitamin mixes and so on)

• Occasionally reads, mostly classics or novels

• Prefers salty food over sweet

• The secret of the facial hair? Patience and genuine care about his appearance. He shaves for like an hour every time because he doesn't want to ruin his mustache/beard (Alex is the same damn way I swear)

• He likes jazz music and 80's rock. Sometimes he blasts those horrendous English raps too because he knows the others hate it (sorry if I insulted anyone lol)

• Thinks pineapple on pizza is hideous (Soap loves it lol)

• He's had so many broken bones in his life, he has no idea if there is any in his body that he didn't destroy at least once yet

• He doesn't really like action/military based movies because of the unnecessary violence in them. They remind him of things he doesn't want to remember too much. He'd rather watch shitty romantic movies or even comedies, but he won't be caught dead while laughing at them. He also tends to laugh while watching horror movies, but the heavy gore can remind him of bad memories

• He doesn't care about social media or any of that stuff really. Sometimes Gaz shows him stuff like cat videos because he loves them. Everything he knows he got it from Kyle tbh

• He has no fashion sense whatsoever. Outside of work he either looks like a dad on vacation, or still wears too much stuff similar to his gear that he seems to be going back to work in 10 minutes

• He likes fuzzy socks btw

• Adores big dogs, he can just wrestle with them and when they lay on him it makes him feel centered and comfortable thanks to their weight

• Unreasonably good at poker and he has the highest record with like 2 wins behind Laswell (who he just can't beat)

• He can handcraft a bunch of stuff if you give him a piece of wood and a knife. He made little figures for Gaz and the guy kept them as lucky charms over the years

• He doesn't fuss around too much about food and he's not picky. Whatever he gets, he gets, and that's fine by him (he used to live off worst stuff anyways). He loves meat though, a nice steak always puts him in a good mood. Also probably makes mean bbq

• Drinks beverages like orange juice or even milk straight out of the carton

• He's a man who always keeps his promises. Not one to lie or feed half truths, he always straight up says everything he has to

• Has a collection of weird/dumb looking beanies he has received over the years from his team

• He met Kate's wife once and she made him feel like family in the best way possible. He was glad his best friend had such a great person in their life that they could go home to

• Very protective of his men. He has lost too many friends and doesn't want to lose anyone else

• His biggest fear is ending up alone, watching everyone he loves die

• Every man he has lost weights heavy on his shoulders. He remembers their faces, but not all their names which makes him feel even more guilty

• Tends to bottle up his emotions and act like everything is fine. Sometimes he breaks down seemingly out of nowhere, but only when he's alone

• Kate is his closest friend and when it gets really bad, she's the one he seeks out

• He has occasional nightmares just like everyone else, but feels like he's dealing well with them (mostly he does)

• He has a watch he got from Soap as a birthday gift once. He only wears it outside of work because it's too important for him to get it damaged in any way

• He rarely has free time or time away from work, but he gets the most out of it. He has a few safe houses, but prefers to spend his time in one in particular because it has all his personal belongings he has left

• At first he thought the "you're everyone's father" was a joke, but then he realized how genuinely they meant that and he kind of broke down. He didn't think he deserved that amount of deep affection and what came with a title such as that, but it made him feel unexplainably happy at the same time

• He's not sure if he ever wants a family. He knows the military is his life and would never leave it behind, unless he has to retire because he can't keep up anymore (even then, only if they force him). The idea of having someone who loves him waiting at home brings warmth to his chest, but he's not sure if he deserves it. He doesn't want to taint anyone with his hands that hold so much blood on them

[charlesdesvoeux]

top five tertiary characters from amc's the terror

WARNING: we're about to enter my mind palace aka The Terror That Exists In My Head bc some of these guys get like. 3 lines tops so a lot of my thoughts on them are informed by fics and whatnot but here it goes

1. Charles Des Voeux: my namesake, my sewer gremlin, my beloved. he doesn't get a whole lot of screen time but when he does it is DAMNING. he's bitchy, he's racist, he's weird he's a weirdo he doesn't fit in have you ever seen him without his stupid hat on. the dezza that exists in my head is indeed a very weird guy whose mind astounds me; he thinks he's doing a very good job at coming off as Normal but he is NOT everybody knows he's weird and they're either kind of scared or think he's pathetic. extremely classist (son of a baronet, after all) but also he was shipped off to the navy bc his own family found him a little unsettling so he resents them too. of course he also has a psychosexual fixation on Dr. Stanley and the stuff he is into sex-wise more generally would probably freak an average 21st century person out so you can imagine how his 19th century peers saw him.

2. Tommy Armitage: my darling tortured boy. i am SO fascinated by hickey's assessment of him just before carnivale (while he is delusional in many aspects he is great at reading people imo); why is he so fixated on the marines, why does he "long for it" in hickey's words? does he feel degraded by his work as a steward, essentially a servant? does he feel like he's a coward and wearing that red coat would give him courage, would mean that he's amounted to something in his life? he also feeds Heather at carnivale and I think that speaks volumes to the extent that tozer probably trusted him. his devotion to Sol- AND IT IS THERE IN CANON IMO, YOU HAVE TO LOOK FOR IT A LITTLE BIT BUT IT IS THERE- is also so interesting to me. He followed that man into mutiny, into ruin, saw him become a shadow of himself but continued to love him.

3. Henry Le Vesconte: yeah, I'm gonna call him tertiary. he doesn't have a lot of lines or screentime; I think he tends to be more prominent in fics due to his station as lieutenant (and bc from episode 3 onwards he was the only surviving lieutenant of erebus) and also because HE IS A CHARACTER WITH POTENTIAL. dandy-ish and charming, with just a touch of the rake. to see him broken and desperate and ultimately mutinous, abandoning crozier to the mutineers and the ill to their fate in a desperate attempt to prolong their survival when he started off sooooo different is very intriguing to me. also post-abandoning-captain-quiet-mutiny-starvation-march nedconte makes me feral.

4. William Pilkington: he went down but he went down swinging (he's the one who dies with a wilhelm scream). did you know he interacts with Armitage at least 3 times in the show??? considering how little time they get this is HUGE trust me #tommypilks is real. I see him as a guy who was probably pretty convivial and fun to be around before... everything that went down, maybe even a little cocky but in an endearing kind of way. to see the desperation in his face as him and Tommy try to talk tozer into going back to the ships and as they face tuunbaq for the final time and thinking about what he used to be.... Jesus Christ. There's also this image:

which I think about every day. "he has that sadness in his eyes" etc. and his expression as crozier is brought to mutineer camp. also interesting!!!!

5. Edmund Hoar: considering that he has like. 2 lines I think about him a lot. The fact that he rose to the post of captain's steward in his early 20s is really impressive imo but what really made me go "hey WHO is this guy" was the carnivale soup moment:

that's him on the left, Samuel Crispe from Terror on the right. like wait a minute what is going on here. a steward kind of has to maintain a level of "propriety" and "respectability" bc they work closely with command but fuck it- its carnivale, our id is showing, and hoar's id told him to get into the soup with this other guy nearly naked. two bros chilling in a big pot less than 5 feet apart cuz they are gay. also in my mind he's like the bratty teenage daughter to bridgens' impossibly patient dad and that dynamic is very dear to me.

bonus: my "canon OCs" (people that existed historically but were not mentioned in the show) William Elphinstone Malcolm (jirv's best friend who in my show!version is in love with him and jirv is also in love with him but won't admit it) and Eleanor Franklin (Franklin's daughter by his first wife who in my show!version is essentially "what if cornelius hickey was a Poor Little Rich Girl lesbian")