#i'm gonna be soooo normal about what happens next trust me!

[lloydfrontera]

CRYING LLOYD AND JAVIER OUTSIDE THE DOOR NOVEL ART HAVE YOU SEEN IT

YEAH. YEAH I DID

OH MY GOD

i had already been screaming a fair bit about chapters 383-384 because it's just hit after hit after hit in these ones, but i wanted to wait until i had a free moment to properly get my thoughts down on this specific scene and Oh Boi. am i glad i did.

LOOK AT THEM. LOOK AT THEM AND TELL ME YOU DON'T GO A LITTLE BIT INSANE.

is in this chapter that we finally get a real glimpse to how lloyd is feeling about all this. he's faced down everything, he's overcome every obstacle that's come his way, he's holding everything together because he knows that if he slips up even once it's game over for everyone and he's done it all on his own with a smile on his face.

and then we get to this scene, which is right after a moment in which lloyd finally allows himself to realize how much he actually cares about his new family and then he sees a bran new way in which he's gonna die,,,

and he just breaks

he starts crying and sobbing because he's terrified, he's so afraid of what his future looks like because he doesn't want to die. he really, really doesn't want to die and he doesn't want to die in such a painful frightening way and he doesn't want to drag others into dying with him

and it's heartbreaking!

all through the novel we do see that lloyd isn't very fond of the idea of dying, like really, he's not that into self-sacrifice and he'd rather find another of solving his problems thank you very much. but it's not until this very moment, that it really hits you how terrifying his situation really is for him. how much pressure and stress and strain he's been under while looking for a way to avoid the restoration of fate all by himself.

and then it cuts to javier. listening through the door. javier who knows that lloyd, that this fake lloyd, has been hiding something for a very long time, who constantly looks the other way whenever there's something that doesn't quite fit the way it should, who has gone through literal hell and back for him because he follows him unconditionally,,,

and who now has to hear the person he trusts the most in the world break down alone in his room because he's terrified of dying but doesn't trust javier enough to show it in front of him. because for some reason he refuses to share his burden and lean on javier the way he's allowed everyone else to lean on him.

and javier is angry

he's angry because lloyd should tell him if he's afraid, he should tell him if he needs help, he should just tell javier so javier can do whatever lloyd needs him to do.

because that's his friend and his friend is stupid but javier won't allow him to go and do something stupid like dying.

that's what javier is for. to protect him. so he shouldn't be afraid of dying because that won't happen. and if it ever did, then it would be javier who'd die instead. if it was for lloyd... he'd be happy to do so.

but even as javier decides this he still has to hear lloyd cry all alone and it hurts

AND THEN THE NEXT MORNING HE TRIES. HE TRIES SO HARD.

he gives lloyd a chance to tell him! he asks and prods and tries to get him to tell him if he's worried about something, if he had a nightmare, if he's in trouble, he just!! tries so hard to get lloyd to trust him!! to lean on him for help!!

but lloyd refuses because he's so used to being on his own that now it's not only second nature but also a true belief of his that when push comes to shove he's on his own. that he needs to resolve all of his problems all by himself.

especially the restoration of fate. because it's his fault that it's happening in the first place. it his fault that everything is in danger so it's his responsibility to fix it.

he can't ask another person to shoulder the burden for him.

IT'S JUST!!! THEY'RE SOOOO!!! MMMGHHH!!! THEY GIVE ME A NEW MENTAL ILLNESS!!! I'M SOOO NORMAL ABOUT THEM I SWEAR!!

these chapters are so important for the dynamic they have until the end of the novel, these moments are how the rest of their relationship develops, this!!! javier wanting lloyd to trust him and to lean on him for help and lloyd refusing to do so out of guilt and a misguided sense of responsibility!! this is how it continues until the very end!! and it never gets resolved!!! bk moon answer for your fucking crimes!!!

anyway

as you can see. i am very normal about these illustrations :)

[petrichoraline]

hi petri i'm here just to vent and you can totally just ignore this but last week i finally had a job interview (after so many soooo many days of being rejected or straight up ignored lol) and even though it wasn't a job a really wanted to do i was ready to go, excited even, but then the day before anxiety started getting to me, like from 0 to 100 i started getting these horrible thought about how everything was gonna go wrong and how i always fuck everything up and how i have no future so who fucking cares etc etc (so self depreciating it makes me wanna throw up and hide from shame tbh) (also i'm on antidepressants and anxiolytics in general since a couple of months now and even though at first i noticed nothing i thought they were begining to work on me... i've been in an extremely scary dark place and i really don't wanna go back to that) and i thought i got this interview i thought this was things starting to change but on the day i was supposed to go i literally shut down, idk how to explain it i just couldn't bear getting out of bed or seeing anyone the thought of even interacting with someone paralized me................ i didn't go and it was a bad day, a really bad one, i feel like i'm on square one once again, i couldn't even phone them i'm so embarrassed and disappointed in me and just... i hate myself... i hate this i hate how much it takes from me to do normal fucking things i hate how my body and mind fuck me up all the time and work against me and i'm so weak i can't fight them i just so hopeless and bad and not worthy anyone's time, this illness is taking so much from me, it's been years and it keeps happening....... sorry for this i needed to let it out and you seem like an honest kind person....... sorry

hey love 💕

now, excuse me if my response is a bit all over the place, i am tired but i insist on answering this as soon as possible <3

first, i am touched that you find me a safe enough person to go to and your words mean a lot to me, thank you for that 💓 sometimes it feels like you can't share with people around you and you need an outlet so i understand. i have welcomed similar messages in the past so i see why you would come to me :) you say you want to vent but i will express my thoughts and advice which you can feel just as free to ignore.

i get that feeling that comes with failing an agreement and then dreading the consequences, wanting to own up to it but not feeling able to pick up the phone. it's an awful awful thing to go through and i feel for you. it is something that you must do, though, at least that's how I see it. even aside from possible benefit for yourself, you have to express respect towards the team for their time and the opportunity. i know it sucks, I know you're contemplating all the possible responses but trust me, it's one call that can make a big change. even if the offer is off the table, you will be more at peace, I guarantee it. they can be mean about it (though professionalism will make them snarky at best) but chances are they have no clue why you didn't show up so they could just as easily just be worried and confused rather than angry. you have the chance to sincerely apologise and thank them and you will not know what they think unless you talk to them. for such calls i get myself some water, breathe a lot, chant encouragements and dial the number. one way you can prepare yourself is writing down what you want to say, don't rush it, you can do bulletpoints or write down the whole thing from start to finish - just have something to give you some security when you're afraid you can't find the words. going through the script beforehand will also make you more confident in what you want to communicate.

aside from this particular employer and your relationship with them, making a call would boost your assurance and you'll be a bit more confident next time you need to do something unpleasant. I am more than sure you can do it and I believe in you.

another very very important point- no such thing as back at square one. healing and growth are never linear, messing up along the way is only natural and DOES NOT erase all the time you've spent moving forward. you are not back anywhere, you're just at a crossroad. you need some time to reasses and give yourself time to breathe and that is okay. you are trying, you are thinking, you are feeling, you are moving but only forwards because life goes forwards and it isn't leaving you behind. a pause may feel scary because you shift your focus to things that didn't work out instead of exciting things that are yet to come. it's okay to pause though. it really is. you are NOT failing, if anything I find it admirable how much you want to make things work. and I truly believe you can and you will and it will all work out.

I am sorry you are going through this, I cannot replace a professional, I cannot be the tools and person to make it better but I feel for you and I hurt for you and you are not alone. there is a person who knows how far away from you who is shedding tears because they want you to feel better so strongly. I'm not saying this for you to go all "oh no I made her cry" because it is possible your mind will say something stupid to you like that - I am saying it because I want you to know you are not alone. and you are very worthy. of love, of success, of every little thing you think is unreachable right now because you've been tired for so long. you are loved and there are people out there who want you to be okay. you are not at fault for what your mind does. it's your body, it's processes you are not at fault for and you have to be more gracious towards yourself. no reason to hate yourself, genuinely none at all. you are in pain and you are dealing with it as best as you can and that is something you deserve credit for, it's commendable.

the job market is stressful as fuuckk even without facing what you're going through, be kinder to yourself! i am so scared of interviews but talking to people with stable jobs you'll know - sometimes you have to do over dozens and dozens of interviews and just grow a thick skin for it, it's an actual skill. you have to understand these people have so much on their minds that aside from considering you for the position they don't pay you much mind (one of my problems is contemplating what interviewers think of me as a person - they don't. they clock out and im out of their thoughts); they're just people doing their jobs, you are not failing their expectations nor are they some superior beings you have to show fear in front of. you're just participating in a waltz they dance with others and you should dance with other employers. you will not get certain jobs and that is fine, every interview is practicing for the next which is also very valuable.

I understand right now you may need some time but I think keeping it moving could help you grow accustomed to the whole thing that is job hunting and not setting your focus on this one instance and self-pitying. and that's why i think you should go for that call, you could get a second chance but even if you don't clearing things up will help you moving on from it rather than thinking of it each time you apply.

things can go wrong but things can also have the amazing ability to go right. and you can stumble but you can also do really really well! because people are fluid and are capable of more than they think, you can move in either direction so as you consider how things can actually go absolutely fine :)

I will always always recommend professional advice and help, though i have my experience I base my comments on, i cannot provide you with the needed expertise that you deserve. please talk to someone, considering you are on prescribed medication right now I assume there are means by which you could talk to someone more competent. I know what things coming back again and again for years is like, it's torture. and i need you to keep fighting because it truly is a fight, it's tiresome and it's lonesome but you have to. you owe it to yourself and you deserve to keep your head above the water until you don't have to strain to do so.

but you have got to realise people don't hate you for it and if they do they are ignorant and you don't need them, let alone their approval. i was considering answering you without publishing the message itself but I believe it will resonate with more people than you think and there will be more people out there keeping you in their thoughts and there is so much beauty and power in that.

again, I apologise for the messy reply, I feel like there are many more things I want to say and maybe better and kinder ways to put them but this is all I can muster up right now. I am sending you so much love and a warm hug. i am proud of you. you have so much power and strength and i hope you get comfort to accompany them.

[randygrim]

Hey. Puts hand on shoulder. You cant be this correct, you cant get this man like i do /silly

THIS!!!! U FUCKING GET ME

Hes a boy from an outer lunar settlement with big dreams. He wants to be an engineer for a big space ship with an important purpose, wants to be the one who makes the sweeping layouts and the intricate mechanics. And hes good at engineering too! But not as well off as the other kids, the ones with family on the alterra main hubs. So like, what's the next best thing to designing and overseeing a space ship? WORKING ON ONE!!!!!!!

Also fuckin. I imagine he is selectively mute, and I think when he's unable to speak in situations, he's still talking shit with his lips and in his mind

AND UR SO RIGHT CUZ he would absolutely ramble to himself even if it isnt out loud, just working through the motions as a nice steady background for when the aurora is too quiet or the waves on 4546B are too loud. (I do this. He's just like me fr fr)

And the fuckin employment thing. If he's from a smaller lunar base then he absolutely would not have been prepped for a big test to decide his future employment for his life. And if he's autistic then he would NOT have performed under pressure well (basing this on my own specific autism), and absolutely flopped on the test, even if he is quick and clever any other time.

Also im. The hot wiring a hovercraft at 15 holy shittt that's awesome. AND YEAH he'd be a great listener because he's used to getting blown off when he talks, so he feels its better if he listens.

Also this man cannot sit still for shit. We are delving into my hcs here but if his brain is going on his intrusive impulses AND using his knowledge and reasoning, his brain is gonna be buzzing going back and forth. And the way that he can easily understand the motions of a tool he picks up shows some flexibility that he wouldn't have if he wasn't curious as shit

Also I think that he 100% performs like ass under pressure, but specifically SOCIAL pressure. So the second he's alone on 4546B he's going haywire, but he can deal with the punches because it's not something that's going to get him scolded, mocked, punched, beaten, for something he misinterpreted, said in the wrong tone, didn't understand the situation. But on 4546B he's with his tools and his thoughts, two things he know he can rely on.

But as the weeks creep on I think he starts second guessing himself, starts missing the teasing because it was SOMETHING! Not the roaring quiet of the waves or the howls of the deep. Something he could latch onto, even if it was hurtful.

And I think eventually he stops speaking and starts listening to the logs more, his voice taken by the deep, by the waves, by the glowing algae, and by 4546B. But his resolve remains, and he carries on

This man is driving me up the walls. I haven't even gotten into the nitty gritty of the backstory I made up with the fucking portrait of concept art for the player character

Bcly I think that she was someone in the same situation to him, but she made it. She was sociable, she was smart and witty, she performed outstandingly under social pressure, and she did it!!! She cracked Alterras code, and became the lead engineer on a big space ship.

Anyways im making an animatic that's abt ryley but she happens to be there. I'm soooo normal about it trust me (sign next to my enclosure that says "not normal")

17? distracting asks !!!

Ryley Mf Robinson genuinely makes me ill

Theres like jack shit we know definitively abt him, but the little bits of personality from his equip animations and the logs of the crew from the Aurora are fucking sick as hell

I genuinely can't remember if he's part of the repair crew, or engineering, etc cuz I havent played in a bit, but the fact he fucking zaps himself with the repair tool is insane. Like u don't just do that shit unless u already know how to handle one

Also I think him being an engineer/repair staff matches up with my playstyle of fucking around, finding out, and having to repair my goddamn ship and base every tuesday

The fact that he goes to an alian world and SURVIVES when everyone else had succumbed to the sickness is fucking cool as hell. And that he was only able to by listening to the logs and messages from the people before is also like. GODDAMN that's sad as shit. That the only people who have been in ur situation are fucking DEAD is horrifying

Also I've got a lot of hcs for this guy based on the fact that I think he's an engineer. Idk im thinking that he originally had big dreams in engineering different sick as hell ships, before he was put on as repair staff

Also nonverbal autistic ryley let's fucking go

[catboyebooks]

i'll be honest, i'm eager to get to chapter 5 so i don't wanna spend too much more time picking apart chapter 4 right now, buuuuut there is one more thing that stood out to me this chapter that i wanted to circle back to. it's about the motive.

typically the cast of this game has reacted to the motives like "...or we could simply not do that." when they find out they have a huge chunk of their memories missing in chapter 1, most of them react by trying to convince themselves that this isn't true and by resolving not to participate in the killing game. when they're told in chapter 2 that the motive is hidden in a video game, most of them decide not to play the video game. they tried to deal with the despair fever situation in chapter 3 by quarantining and treating the sick people as best they could, even though it would have been easy for someone to take advantage of the situation by simply murdering a sick person (in particular komaeda, who didn't look like he was going to make it anyway) and thus advance the killing game. notable exceptions aside, for the most part everyone has attempted to resist participating in the killing game at all. this chapter's motive is different in that they all wind up trapped inside the funhouse, from which there is no exit at all (they are explicitly told this) unless another murder happens. choosing not to play by the rules this time means accepting that the entire group will die.

when hinata has that initial reaction of like "well, it's better if we all starve to death," i think that's an understandable & relatable sentiment. he'd prefer for them to all die as friends than for there to be another murder (and the associated betrayals / breaches of trust) in the group. this makes total sense given everything they've already been through and how hopeless the situation seems and yet it is still a bad way of looking at it. the initial disagreement on the topic happens between him and komaeda (and we know komaeda has been viewing the situation the entire time as "it's better that one of the shsl students has the chance of making it off the island than for all of us to remain on the island forever" — that's why he kickstarted the killing game in the first place), so it's likely that players would tend to take hinata's side, but notably nobody backs him up. not even nanami, who has been the most adamant about preventing any further murders. even hinata winds up rethinking his stance a bit later and feeling like he has to try and do something, hence his later attempt to access the final dead room, but by this point he's too weak from hunger and is easily dissuaded by nanami. i think all this speaks to hinata's character quite a bit; he leans pessimistic and defeatist, but when push comes to shove he really doesn't want to give up and die.

gundam's speech at the end about the importance of not giving up on life is fucking great. outstanding. and i think it's particularly interesting coming from the guy who committed murder knowing full well he would be executed for it for the sake of the rest of the group's survival. he felt he had to take action so that nobody else gave up on life, but knew that in doing so he was sacrificing himself. similar to sakura in the first game, he has one Particular Friend in the group but otherwise is a bit of an oddball/outcast, and yet he still puts the group survival over his own. i love that despite all his melodramatic bluster about being a dark overlord or whatever, he gets a sendoff that proves him to be kind and honorable beneath it all (something that i think is fairly apparent if you spend any time with him, but up to this point it'd be easy to just view him as a weirdo suffering from middle school syndrome). speaking of, let's talk about his execution for a second:

i have said it before. but the goal of the executions, usually, is to psychologically break the killers before they die. the main exception to this so far was last chapter, because in tsumiki's case she was already psychologically broken and there wasn't anything left to do on that front. this one is another exception, imo, but for a different reason. gundam's already made peace with the idea of dying. there was perhaps an attempt made to break him, what with using animals to kill the guy who loves animals and having his attempt at "casting a spell" be useless, but i think gundam is aware that wild animals sometimes kill humans lol and i do not think he actually thinks of himself as a magician. he's simply committed to the bit. i wanna say that there's perhaps a bit of mockery (on AI junko's part) in the "spirits of gundam's deceased pets carrying him off to heaven" thing, but i think she's accepted that she isn't going to break him in death since it was his decision to die. also, this isn't like dr1, where she set up the killing game to prove a point. this is just the opening act. she wants to get this whole VR island murder trip thing over with so she can continue with her despair apocalypse activities and so i think she doesn't mind settling for just going through the motions. breaking gundam isn't what matters here, ultimately.

if you remember the latter half of the first game, this is the point where it started to get obvious that junko was becoming increasingly desperate. we just got outright told that sakura was the traitor in 1-4, and when she chose to deal with that by committing suicide so the rest of the group would live, monokuma fabricated evidence to try and convince the group (asahina in particular) that she'd killed herself out of sheer despair. then after that we had an attempted direct attack on naegi as he slept, a sham trial designed to take kirigiri or naegi out of the game, etc. — she got so desperate to make her killing game work that she started bending her own rules. that's not happening here. what is happening is that the game is getting meaner (this chapter it was literally "commit murder asap or you'll all starve to death"), the most unhinged person here got handed the evidence that nobody here is innocent (like i said earlier, komaeda is the only one who could have cleared the final dead room on "max difficulty," which means that information was aimed at him), and the executions are less concerned with trying to psychologically destroy the culprits because this time that simply isn't the point. and i think we're meant to have this nagging feeling that this killing game is different, fundamentally speaking, as we move on to chapter 5. there's something bigger going on here, and we're getting closer and closer to finding out what that something is.

that's all i gotta say about 2-4 for now. let's start the next chapter.

[snake-snacc]

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland 

Topic: The "Fuckboy" thing 

DISCLAIMER: This is my opinion and my thoughts! You are free to have a different opinion! Take it with a little bit of humour!

forgive my bad english

You know what guys? I think it's kinda funny how a part of the Twisted Wonderland Fandom really goes with "Yes XY is a total fuckboy! You see it in his eyes!" And from what I saw the most characters that get into this discussion are Leona, Malleus, Ace, Jamil and Floyd. BUT LET ME BURST YOUR BUBBLES GUYS AND LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE REAL "FUCKBOY" OF TWISTED WONDERLAND!

First of all, I'm gonna tell you why the pretty boys above are not really fit for the title of "Fuckboy". :3 [I will refer often to female partners but I try to keep it gender neutral most times!]

Let's start with the sleepy the lion, LEONA KINGSCHOLAR

— No, my argument is not that he's too lazy. No, no. But he probably was raised to totally respect women. He even stated that he is afraid of the women in his homeland because they are pretty tough ladys! So, they wouldn't hesitate to slap a bitch if they find out he fucks around and leaves them heart broken 

— Also, he probably doesn't have the strength or the motivation to handle all the drama 

Next! Horny (no pun intended) boy, MALLEUS DRACONIA

— Let's be honest, he probably doesn't know how to really communicate with people, beside Yuu/MC, Lilia and maybe the rest of his dorm. Yes he can talk to others but get them into bed? I don't think so. 

— He probably doesn't even know what even kissing is 

Next boy! ACE TRAPPOLA 

— He would go all out about stuff like "Yes, I totally would bang that girl/that boy" but in the moment the person would be stripping down in front of him, with the intention to do naughty stuff with him, he would panic. He would straight up panic and would get out of there

— Look at him. He doesn't even know how to use his dick

Next Boy! JAMIL (I'm a whore for you) VIPER

— As sad as it makes me, this pretty boy is way to stressed for fucking around! He couldn't even use it as a stress relief because while doing it, he would stress himself with stuff like "Is this good enough? Do I have enough time left? Does Kalim need help? Is the food ready?" 

— Plus I see him more as a "I choose a partner and stay by their side" kinda guy. But even then he wouldn't get a partner because he knows he wouldn't have time for them so he doesn't even starts dating

Next and last! FLOYD LEECH

— He would start it, get bored and leave. Facts. This boy would just straight up leave the second his partner wouldn't play along. Maybe he even just goes before they even started because "I don't want to anymore" 

— His mood swings would keep the people away from him and I don't see that he really appeals to all the naughty stuff

SO! Now that I bursted your bubbles, let me tell you about the real "Fuckboy" from Twisted Wonderland…

*dramatic music* 

……

(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞KALIM AL-ASIM!☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)

Yeah I know I know

"But he is so baby and naive and innocent!"- quit that! No! He is not! Yes he is very naive, but in the way to trust and believe people way too easy and to believe they wouldn't do bad things twice. (This whole chapter broke my heart… my poor boys! ;-;)

But let me explain to you, why Kalim is (in my eyes) the one that should/could wear the title "Fuckboy": 

— Let's start at the beginning: From what we know he has over 30 siblings, is probably the oldest, so there for he saw his Dad with the Mom. Or should I say, the Moms?! Kalims Dad probably had more than one wife, and not like "She died, or, we fell apart after 10 years", no, probably like "you look pretty, give birth to my kids, you are my wife now for a few years". (My theory/opinion on what kind of dad he has) So he had an Idol which had more women on his hands that a normal man would ever. I can see that Kalim is totally used to stuff like that from his homeland, his familie, and that the idea/concept of multiple partners at the same time is something totally normal to him. 

— He will be the next Sultan. You can't tell me the girls at his homeland didn't throw themselves at him at some point of his life. "Oh you're so handsome~ And so sweet~ omg you make me laugh~", etc. And with his carefree and happy nature he probably doesn't even have a problem with that. "Oh thank you, you too ^^ Your hair is so pretty, your eyes are enchanting~", etc. 

— If this sweet, so happy, smiling boy would throw a party and ask a random girl to dance with him, they wouldn't say no. They would dance with him, smile and be happy. He could get all of them wrapped around his little finger, by just smiling and asking nicely. Yes he is a little over the top sometimes, but that probably don't stand in his way

— If he doesn't get what he wants, he cries. He is so used to getting what he wants the second he recommends it, that a "No sorry, I don't want to dance/talk/come over" would be the instant start of big, wet puppy eyes and stuff like "But it would make me so happy! We could have soooo much fun! *sobbing*" (He kinda is a pick me boy not gonna lie, but i love him) and who wants a happy nature like Kalim to cry? No one! (Besides Jamil) So they would probably feel bad and be like ".. Okay.. just this one time.. and not so long.." and in the end they would be at his side for more hours then they could count. 

— I can see that if he would directly ask for a person to come with him in his room and they say no, that he would be kinda sad. Puppy eyes and everything BUT he knows that he can't force people to do that stuff with him, so he just gets sad and is like "Can we at least cuddle..?" And you know what? In the end it's not just a cuddle. BUT WITH CONSENT! He respects a No, but he can't do anything about it if the person changes their mind because little Kalim is all sweet talk and praise while cuddling

— Fact is, Kalim would totally flirt talk or at least very flirty praise people without even realising. (I mean.. have you ever listened closely to how he talks about Jamil..? Way to much praise and simpness) You know, while just casual dancing with them, out of nowhere something like "Your body looks so beautiful in this light and the way it moves, mesmerising" 

— Because of his "It's totally normal to have multiple partners" thingy, I can see him just living that. Party here, party there, oh you look pretty, you're mine now. And yes he knows some would just be at his side for the chance of getting some money, but why would he care? He doesn't plan to marry one of them. He would care for that when it comes to the one he should marry and when he finds out they are just after him because of the money, yeah, well bye bye then 

— He is probably in general way too touchy with people, so accidents happen, right?~ (that sounds wrong) I mean with that, that probably some people would get his closeness a little wrong think he is interested in them, so they get interested and in the end, Fun~ 

— He calls people casually with sweet nicknames. He called Yuu/MC "My Love". So why wouldn't he just call other people too by stuff like that? The pretty dancer lady he had invited with the green eyes? "My shining emerald" The handsome boy he met at a feast in his homeland with the sun-kissed skin? "My golden sunshine" 

— Just saying, who in his Homeland, from the young ladys that need to get married and stuff, wouldn't instantly say yes, if Kalim would ask them to spend time with him? The moment he would invite them into the palast, they would fall in love with him (or his money) 

— He knows how the world is working. Money does big things. A soft smile, a nice ask and a little bit of "One night at the Sultans Palace / One night treated like a princess/prince, getting served from servants" and he has a partner. Kalim isn't stupid, maybe school related stuff, but not about life. 

— By the way: "One night treated like a princess/prince", come one. Tell me this boy wouldn't absolutely treat his partner, even just one night stands, like total princesses/princes. He would praise them so much, tell them all the way how beautiful they are, how they are his treasure right now. Surely he could also go easily into the mood of "Serve me I'm the Prince", but I think he would make this the first few times by accident (because he was taught to be served from everyone) but quickly realize that that's not how it works.

— Facit:

Kalim could easily be a Fuckboy, or a very popular and successful Pick me Boy. But I think he would get himself in the way with his "I don't do that on purpose" nature. 

[honeydewmuses-a]

@canon-fcdder said:

❝ You’re doing that thing. ❞ Dave says, glancing up from his tablet, an irritated scrunch to his brow. Lightly tapping his stylus against the side of his device in a rapid fidget, he tries to silence the tension buzzing beneath his skin. There’s no real need for it. He’s with a friend, after all. Someone he should be able to trust— and he DOES… mostly. Perhaps not with the same intensity as he does his Club, but that’s not Amy’s fault. More-so a matter of longevity, and what’s been subconsciously associated with her thanks to the group she calls her ‘ Japanese Animation Club ’.

Just thinking about that group makes Dave jumpy… So he sucks in a discreet breath, tensing his body as if he were made of stone, if only to keep it from trembling, and decides to elaborate. Because he’s learned that people tend to not know what he means when he refers to specific ‘ things ’ without more context. ❝ That THING where you look like you’re about to say something, but you haven’t said it yet— so now you’re just buzzing with unspent energy and I don’t know for sure what or if anything IS going to come of it. ❞

A bit wordy, but clear… Normally, Dave is better at waiting for the results of built-up energy, be it from Amy or Mort or Mark or Clyde. But he’s already on-edge today and the looming threat of the ‘ uknown ’— especially from someone as unpredictable as Amy —is too much for him to handle anymore. ❝ Are you going to say something, or is this just for you? ❞

Just so he’s not taken off-guard by whatever happens next. — (( *hands over a Dave who was feeling jumpy today* ))

“Whaaaaat?? Me?? Doing a… thing? Nah, I’m totally cool. No weird energy here!!”

Amy smiles, only half forcing it, but quickly deflates under Dave’s gaze.

“Alright, fine. I found your tumblr. Kinda stalked the whole thing trying to confirm it was you. Which it totally is. And now I know you’re weird in some of the same ways I’m weird but I wasn’t gonna bring it up. Even though I think it’s really fun.

"…I’m talking about the self ship comics, if you couldn't tell. The ones of you and Clyde? I know it’s your ocs. But also it’s soooo obvious."

Amy pauses just long enough to not get an immediate response, and then pushes forward. She has to say whatever the right thing to say is. Not because she needs more friends. She has plenty of friends. Just because she likes Dave, and she's maybe a little intimidated by him, and she doesn't want to make him mad.

"Um. Sorry he’s in love with me. I mean Clyde. I mean, shoot, that sounded wayyy worse out loud.

"I do think you have a shot, actually. I headcanon him as gay. Or at least bi. And you guys would be cute. Tol and smol kinda vibes. Especially if we can get him to wear more pastels, or if you get a growth spurt.

"Is that weird? I’m getting into weird territory. Haha. But, uh, I think the theme you coded is really cool, and I would totally commission you to do mine if you wanted a little money, and I big time ship you and Clyde now.

"...I could help you with that. If you wanted. Or I could pretend I don’t know and we could talk about our ocs or something.”

She's pretty sure none of that was the right thing to say. But it does kinda feel good to have said most of it, and she's not exactly famous for having a good and consistent filter, so it's probably alright.

"Oh, and I won't tell anyone. Just wanted you to know I found you. Because I'd wanna know if one of my followers was someone I actually know irl. Right now it's just a bunch of randos and my online friends and Mark. Except not Mark, actually, cause he unfollowed me. Which is fine. I just forget he did that sometimes. Point is I'm trying to be cool and nice and we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

It's true. They don't have to talk about Dave's tumblr. Or his obvious crush. Or anything he doesn't wanna talk about. But, man, Amy hopes they can talk about something.

[i-can-get-extra-with-my-ships]

A Slice Of My Love. Chapter 6. Wait, You Don't Think I'm Insane?

Sup children!! (No clementine my brother did not hack onto my Tumblr and write me a whole fucken chapter.) We be existing on the bean bag again. 

The farthest you will most likely see me venture is to my bed. Or a hotel. It depends how long this book goes for. I mean, we’re almost at 10 chapters. I said like 20-30 most likely. Holy shit. I’m almost ½ to ⅓ done with this book. Moving on before I go on more of a tangent than I already have!!

Pairings: Mentions of the glasses gays (it's toned down for this chapter and in chapter 7 it will be turned up to 11), Prinxiety but it’s best friend mode™ that has been preset to 11

Tw: Cursing, Fourth wall breaks (they be back, but not as bad this time), Virgil being insane, Virgil and Roman being both shippers and BFFs, the lack of sleep finally catching up to Virge, Vee thinking he has just proved a major point.

Virgil’s POV

----

Assuming that you’ve read this whole book, you already know that Pat has been overtaken by the powers of the boop™ and has gone upstairs with Logan. Logan never came back downstairs.

Roman was thinking about something. Well, I knew what that something was. You only have to be best friends with Princy for a year and a half to know what he wants to ask you.

“You wanna ask me about Alonso, don’t you?” Roman looked up at me. Then he went back to thinking.

“You know that as long as you don’t accuse me of being insane, you can ask me whatever the fuck you want.”

He looked at me again and then sat down at the table with a bowl of cereal. “Taking advantage of the fact that dad’s upstairs huh?”

The fuck? Dude, we’ve been best fucking friends for over a year now!! If you’re trying to ask me something just ask me!!

“No shit Sherlock.”

He gasped in fake surprise. “How DARE you!! I hate to inform you, but I am the prince, hence I am royalty. You do not speak to royalty in such a crude manner!!”

So the Roman stans are taking mild offense right now. I’m gonna tell you this once and once only. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN BEST FRIEND MODE™ HAS BEEN TURNED UP TO ITS PRESET NUMBER OF 11!!

Anyways, Roman stans aside, I laughed hysterically at Roman’s mocked offense. He does a really good impression of what I’d like to imagine offended Roman stans to sound like.

Ok, we’re gonna chuck the Roman stans out a window so I can actually move on from them. I decided that I was going to help Princey away from the conversation that He was trying to move away from. (I was really tempted to say spared.) The extra bitch hasn’t left yet, has it Em? (We are NOT doing this now.) Fine.

“Seeing as you’re trying to change the subject, Pat and Lo earlier.”

His face lit up at the mention of the glasses gays, as we’ve dubbed them.

“Looks like someone needs to get more sleep.” Ro did a crappy impersonation of Lo. I laughed some more.

“And don’t forget the boop™”

Roman started snickering “How did I forget the boop™? Uhh… Well, I only have 2 weaknesses: self-deprecation and affection.”

Roman was crappily imitating Pat now. I knew where Roman was going. I jumped up from my chair and ran over. Then I slowly walked by him and booped his nose.

Roman snickers turned into a bit of giggling, then he continued with our inside joke. “Never mind. I have 3 weaknesses: self-deprecation, affection and whatever Logan just did.”

I laughed even more at Roman’s shitty impression job. “Ok, you’re purposely sucking. I have accepted this challenge of sucking at doing impersonations for this joke.” I cleared my throat for the shittiest Logan Sanders impression in the history of the universe. I heard Roman mumble “Oh god” underneath his breath.

Good. You better be bracing yourself for this shitshow Princey.

“Patton, I believe that Roman and Virgil would call that a” I searched through imaginary vocab cards “boop™.”

We looked at each other and then laughed hysterically. I somehow ended up falling over in our laughter. We stopped for a moment and looked at each other again. Then laughed again, only harder this time.

Through my laughter, I managed “Stop laughing and help me you, stupid bitch!!”

He looked at me in disbelief. “You’re sitting there, on the floor, laughing, but I can’t laugh with you?” He lectured me while still giggling.

“I’m laughing at my own stupidity. Only I can laugh at myself.”

“Whatever. I thought I was supposed to be the dramatic one!”

The laughter had died down quite quickly after that. Roman helped me up off the floor. We walked to the couch and sat down.

Well… more he sat down, I lay down, and he was my footrest. It’s an us thing.

“Do you always have to put your feet on me, Virge?”

I scoffed and looked at him in disbelief. “Do I have anywhere else to put my feet? No. Do I want you to sit on my feet? No. Do I want to sit up? No. Do I want to move to the other couch? No. Are you my prisoner now? Yes.”

He laughed a little more. I could tell that he was thinking that I stole his job of being the dramatic one.

We sat there in comfortable silence. The only thing keeping it from being awkward was the light and playful atmosphere. I have no clue about you guys, but with a best friend that you’re almost always loud with, silence is just weird and awkward. (This is a thing with me and my best friend. Normally we just randomly quote Charlie the Unicorn at that point.) 

I decided that I needed to bring up the inevitable.

“You gonna ask me about Alonso any time today? I already told you. You can ask me. I trust you.”

He thought for a moment. “Umm…. Well…. What does he look like?”

I snickered a little bit. “Wow. You’re THAT scared that you’re going to offend me?”

He didn’t share my laughter.

“Oh, umm…. Kinda like Remy, but without the stupid sign that says sleep. But like Remy mixed with someone else. I can’t put my finger on who though.” Roman hummed in response. Then he got a mischievous grin on his face.

OH SHIT!! ROMAN DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE.

He dared though.

“So is he hot?”

I looked at him with my most serious “Bitch what the fuck?” face and asked him a simple question: “Roman, you’re my best friend and I love you (platonically), but why are you like this?”

He looked back at me with a “Bitch what the fuck?” face as well. “Because I’m the literal embodiment of Thomas’ romance. And as your best friend, I want you to find love.”

“That wasn’t cheesy at all Ramen.” I snickered a little bit at the Ramen part. Roman absolutely HATES the nickname Ramen. But he’s still Ramen.

“Don’t think Ramen’s going to get a reaction out of me. It’s not. I’m totally fine with that nickname now.”

My mind went to Someone Gets Hurt Reprise from Mean Girls as soon as Ro Ramen said fine. “REALLY FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!! GO BE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEN!!!”

Roman picked up on the reference and finished the song. “And I want my pink shirt.”

I joined him for the extra part that we add every time we sing/listen to that song.

“HE BROUGHT UP THE PINK SHIRT!! AND YOU KNOW THAT SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN ONCE YOU BRING UP THE PINK SHIRT!!!” We laughed hysterically once more.

Once our laughter had died down again, Roman got serious again. Ish.

“Are you gonna tell me if Alonso is cute or not?”

I couldn’t escape this conversation now. “I don’t know. I guess? You know that this isn’t really my department. It’s like 110% yours.”

He snickered a little bit. “So like, when did you notice him?”

I told him the story. “So Pat was lecturing me about how I should be sleeping and all that bs. I wasn’t really listening because of the hypocrite card. I was staring at the counter and he was just sort of chilling there. Existing.”

I looked at Ro to see his “Vee you’re insane” face but it never came, so I continued.

“Then after Pat went upstairs to get Logan. Alonso, at this point in time I didn’t know his name so I was just referring to him as ‘the counter guy’ in my head, started talking to me by quoting Heathers. I was quoting the scene that he started when Pat and Lo came downstairs. They told me that I was being crazy and that there was only a piece of bread. That’s why I thought that you’d think I’m crazy too.”

Roman looked at me. No discernible emotion could be seen on his face. It was kinda scary. He just told me “I don’t think you’re crazy.”

It took me a moment to comprehend that. “You don’t?”

“At least I think that.”

I didn’t fully think out what I was about to do before I did it. That’s very unusual for me. Might I remind you that I was running on two cups short of a full pot of coffee (Pat and Lo drank them) and like 2 hours of sleep?

I lept off the couch, grabbed Roman’s hand and dragged him up the stairs. Once I got to Pat’s room I kicked the door down. We were greeted with the sight of the glasses gays cuddling on Patton’s bed watching a movie.

After I kicked the door down they looked up at me in shock. Still cuddling though, so that’s a bonus.

Pat spoke first. “Virgil, please tell me why you just kicked down my door.”

I could hardly contain my excitement. I moved to the side a little bit and pulled Roman forward. “RoMaN sAyS i’M nOt CrAzY!!!”

Logan looked at Roman “Roman, please explain.”

Roman looked down at his feet. “Well, do I have a story for you guys.”

----

This chapter is the longest by far. The actual chapter part went over 3 pages. That’s a first.

Anywho. I really liked this chapter. It was quite fun to write. However, the next one will be even more fun to write. The glasses gays turned up to 11. God am I gonna have a ball with the next one.

Chapter 7 will most likely be next week. We’re going to Chicago and it’s a 3-hour drive there and back. I write on my laptop which will be left at home, and I don’t have a phone to write on soooo….. I get to listen to Heathers and Mean Girls mass amounts of times though.

                                            The existing internet writing human,

                                                              Em

----

Taglist (if you’d like to be added/removed please inform me): @winterswishing-reblogs @thetomorrowshow @just-some-gt-trash @iixclementine

[cloudylovemuses]

Arcade (2)

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader, past!Natasha Romanoff x Reader, past!Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes, Wanda Maximoff x Sam Wilson

Summary: It's time for you and Bucky tell Sam and Wanda about your decision. Also you need to talk to Nick Fury and talk things out, hoping for the best.

Author's Note: Sooo, I tried to right a small chapter for the time gap between my first and third chapter. It's a bit awful and lazy, next week week (I'll give a lil spoiler) we'll meet the house and the neighborhood. I wasn't feeling really good to write something more, but hope you like it.

(1)

It's been 5 days since you accepted Bucky's offer, to start a new life with him. At first you and Bucky where discussing where will you live. You suggested to buy an apartment at Brooklyn, but he rejected the moment the suggestion hit the table. He didn't want to be back to the place where he grew up. He didn't want to return to his past. Didn't want to start his new life based on how he used to live.

"Can we have a house with a big kitchen? Ohh Buck, it'll be really nice to have a huuuge kitchen and try so many recipes freely, with so much space to work on." You said dreamily while standing on your elbows to watch Bucky. He turned his gaze from the ceiling to you with a smile in his face.

You were in his room daydreaming about your future life. You're laying next to him being excited about your plans. He laughed and pulled you out of your thoughts. "What? Why are you laughing?" You smiled at him.

"I'm just thinking that if Sam watched us cook with aprons. We wouldn't hear the end of it." He laughed.

"Oh my god, you're soooo right. He'll tease us 'till the day we die." You both laughed again and you suddenly stopped and gasped.

"OH MY GOD, SAM!"

"What about him?" He questioned, confusion covering his face.

"We need to tell him that we want to leave." His smile left his face and his eyes dropped to his hands. Even though the two boys were always fighting, they were the closest and best friends. Bucky didn't know how Sam would take it.

"We need to talk to him." He finally said.

"What? Like, right now?"

"No I think he is already asleep. Tomorrow morning. The sooner the better!"

"Yeah, yeah, you're right." you sighed and curled to his side.

"He won't be very happy, will he?" You both returned your gaze to the ceiling a worried look on both of your faces.

"I don't know, doll. I don't know."

~~~~

The next morning you knocked on Bucky's door, still worry over your features. He opened slowly having the same emotions as you. "Ready?"

He softly sighed "as ready as I can be."

"We have to, Buck." You took his hand on yours and pulled him out of his room.

"I know, I know." He sighed again and you started walking towards the living room.

"Sam!" You shouted and he popped his head from the couch.

"Hello Cinnamon, hello Tinman. What's up?" You giggle at your nickname while Bucky glared at him. Sam liked to call you Cinnamon because you putted cinnamon everywhere, from aromatic candles to coffee dressing.

"We um...wanted to talk to you about something." You said hesitantly.

"Of course, what is it about?"

You moved further and sat down next to him and Bucky sat behind you, staying close to you. "Me and Bucky were thinking umm...we were umm...thinking..." You nervously said playing with your fingers not wanting to look into his eyes.

"Guys. You are worrying me, what's wrong." Sam said worry all over his face.

"No, no nothing is wrong...we just kinda thinking..." Bucky trailed off and then you took over.

"Me and Bucky were thinking about to retire and live a normal life." you stated with one breath closing your eyes and opening them to see a bit confused Sam.

"What do you mean?".

"Sam, we won't lie to you, we're both really tired of this Avenging life. And after our losses we are falling apart more and more. We appreciate all your and Wanda's help, but unfortunately is not enough. We are trying really hard to recover. But all this fighting is keeping us behind. Reminds us -and most certainly me- of the past. We can't keep living like this. We LOVE working with everyone here but it's not doing us any good. We would really, REALLY, appreciate it if you at least consider our retirement and talk things out with Fury."

You were staned by Bucky's words. You didn't expect him to take control of the conversation. And it was a really happy surprise.

"Wow, Buck. I forgot you could talk so much" Sam laughed. "Guys, I understand that your mental health is not stable and of course I noticed your struggle at your latest missions. I'll admit I was thinking to tell Fury give you some days off and retirement hit me like a truck." You both looked at his smiley face, when he turned his gaze behind you and you saw Wanda, who was coming slowly and was smiling too.

"I told Sam that you two needed some time off. But if you feel more comfortable with retirement we are both going to support you." she said while sitting next to Sam grabbing his hand into hers. "Also, let me tell you, I'm gonna help to convince Fury to give you what you want." She smirked, that knowing smirk which said yes, I'm going to manipulate him for you.

You were nearly in tears. You didn't believe that they accepted your decision so quickly and without hesitation. "You guys, you don't know how much this means to us." you teared up, standing to hug them both.

"Thank you so much. Both of you." Bucky said softly trying to keep himself from crying.

You pulled away and looked into their eyes. "When are we going go talk to Fury?"

"How about tomorrow?" Wanda questioned.

"Ok, tomorow then." Bucky said.

"Shall we go make some dinner? I'm starving!" Sam whined and you all laughed.

"Let's go" Wanda laughed and dragged you all to the kitchen.

After two burned steaks, 1 burned apple pie and somehow a burned salad from the boys, who wanted to show off to you, you and Wanda took over.

The dinner was so peaceful. So beautiful. They were your family and you really loved them. So much.

"Oh, guys, have you decided were are you going to live?" Wanda asked at some point.

"Y/N told me about her grand-grand mother's mansion in Magnolia Springs. She said that it's very big for two people, but it'll be big enough to build spare rooms and rooms for us to spend our time. I haven't saw it yet, but I trust her."

"Wait. Did you just say 'build'?" Sam said confused.

"Yeah well I thought it'll be nice to create a home with our hands." You answered.

"It sounds really sweet, but what about the money?" Wanda asked.

"Stark left to much money, for us to use. So we think its the best way to use them." Bucky said.

"Yeah, Tony left a lot money to everyone and I still don't know why." You giggled.

"He's dead and he still makes us happy."

You all smiled at that and fell into silence. Memories from Tony making you all smile. Bucky smiled on the stories you all said about him. His smile fell from his face. He wanted to say he is sorry. For his parents for the mess he created between Tony and Steve. Oh, how much he wanted to apologize.

"Um, I'm finished does anyone want desert?" Bucky asked after a while. You all raised your heads and looked at him.

"Yeah, I do. I'm coming to help you." Sam said and they both left for the kitchen.

"Are you sure?" Wanda asked a minute after the guys left.

"For our decision?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, yes I am. Bucky is an amazing guy and he is in the same boat with me. If we start over together it will be just a little bit easier."

"But sharing a home is a lot more than a start over, you know that."

"Wand me and Bucky are friends and we can do this. This will just be an adventure for us. We'll have fun, building our own house. Living a new life. Sure it'll be sometimes a little difficult, but we'll do this."

"I'm happy for both of you. I believe in you. And me and Sam will help you with what ever you need." She reached for your hand and held it.

"Thank you Wanda."You smiled at her. A smile which turned onto a smirk after a moment "oh and since you mentioned it. What's going on with you and Sammy?"

She left your hand and blushed like crazy. "Nothing, we're just friends"

"Yeah, yeah I believed you now Wands" you laughed.

"Shut up" A crimson color took over her cheeks and you laughed again.

-Meanwhile in the kitchen-

"Bucky, are you sure you wanna do this?"

"Yes, Sam, I'm 100% sure." Bucky sighed, cutting a big slice of cake for you.

"I mean you two don't know each other so long, to start a life together." Sam said with a concern voice. Bucky dropped slowly the knife and his head. But he immediately looked at him again.

"Sam, I trust her. She's been there for me in ways I couldn't even imagine. She never gives me an apologetic smile or looks at me with pity eyes. She is comforting in her own way, and she helps me when I need it even when I don't ask. I don't say that you or Wanda don't help me, it's just...she is...She's different and I like it. She makes me feel good."

"If she makes you happy, of course I won't get in the way. I just want to make sure that you're ok with that decision. I want the best for you bud." Sam admitted softly patting Bucky's shoulder. Bucky turned and hugged him tightly, not letting Sam breath for a bit.

"Ok, ok I need to breath now please." Bucky let him go and they both laughed.

"Ohh, bird brain I didn't ask you before." Bucky smirked without looking at him.

"What's it this time Tinman?" Sam rolled his eyes and said with an annoying voice.

"What's going on with you and Wanda?"

Sam choked on air while Bucky hit his back, still smirking.

"Nothing's happening."

"Yeah, yeah sure bird brain."

"Fuck off, asshat"

"Idiot."

"Let's go the girls are waiting."

They came after a while with four plates of chocolate cake. Your and Wanda's favorite.

"Here you are ladies." Sam excitedly said.

"Thank you boys" you smiled at both of them and continued your lovely night.

The dinner was over and you all were at your rooms waiting for sleep to take you. When a soft knock at your door, caught your attention.

Bucky opened further the door and whispered, "Doll, are you asleep?".

"No Buck, come in." He closed the door behind him and took small steps towards your bed.

"Hey" he waved at you.

"Hi" you chuckled.

"Can I please stay with you tonight?"

"Of course you can Buck." You pushed your covers and he laid beside, pulling up the blanket.

"Doll, am I the only nervous for tomorrow?"

"No, not really. I think I'm a bit nervous too. I mean we are going to tell Nick Fury that his last two super soldiers are going to retire and they're going to live like two farmers but yeah, no I'm not THAT nervous about that." You joked and he let a heartful belly laugh, that made your stomach feel weird, in a really good way.

"Yeah, way so nervous? It's so normal!" He laughed again and you followed.

"Seriously now Buck, Fury won't be happy. I'm slightly afraid that he'll refuse to retire us."

"Honestly, doll? I don't know what will happen tomorrow. Part of me hopes for the best but another part is just pessimistic."

"What will we do if he says no?"

"We'll see." he sighed.

"Ok" you said a lil' disappointed.

You curled closer to him and moved your gaze from the ceiling to his face. He found your eyes and spoke again softly, not wanting to disturb the peaceful silence, "come here, I don't mind." he smiled.

You pressed your body on his and wrapped your hands around him. He hugged you too and put a soft kiss on your head.

God only knew how much you both loved to be on each others embrace.

~~~~

When morning came, the nervousness came along with it. All your mind was thinking about rejection and Fury. You almost cried when the time for the meeting arrived.

Bucky came to your room to take you and went together, sharing some of the anxiety.

Before he opened the door, Bucky hugged you tightly and you hugged him back the same. You breathed and opened the door.

You greeted Fury and moved to sit down, next to each other, not wanting to let go the others side.

"Mr.Wilson informed me about your thoughts and decisions and of course the state of your mental health, and I have to say I'm surprised that you want to do such a thing together."

You looked at each other with a smile at your faces and a giving an actual loving gaze, and turned to Fury again and said and awkward yeah.

"So, where did that came from?" He said and confused you.

"What do you mean, sir?" Bucky said.

"Where that idea came from? How did you think such a thing? What brought you to that decision?"

"We just had a conversation together, after a tough night and we realized we can't do it any more."

"We want a new life. Bucky is really tired fighting and holding a gun on his hands and I'm really tired fighting too. But we don't have a problem helping whenever it's needed."

"We have a lot to discuss." Fury said with a frown.

After 2 hours and a lot convincing Fury agreed. He said that he will first check the house, the neighborhood, the neighbors' past, just to be sure. He said that he'll put Friday and a security system in the whole house. You hadn't disagreed of course. He also said that you'll get paid for whatever job you do for him, you'll still be his employees no matter where you live or what you do.

You didn't really care what jobs he'll give you eventually, you just wanted to live as far from this life as you could.

When you signed the papers, Fury dropped his serious face and said "I'm really proud of both of you" and left.

You turned and looked at Bucky, who just smiled. You smiled back at him and left, to start making plans for your new house.

[letsbefeminist]

Hi, I hope I'm not bothering you but I was wondering if you had any advice for like getting your self-esteem/positive self-image back after being cheated on? My s.o. and I decided to still stay together but I'm just having trouble in the aftermath with feeling like myself, or feeling good about myself, or feeling like I'm still attractive to my partner. Also I love your blog and you're always so amazing and sweet in your replies so I hope you don't mind, thank you!

You are definitely not a bother & I’m incredibly sorry you’re even dealing with this right now. It’s a devastating thing to go through & it really can change who you are & how you see/think about yourself.

((This is gonna be looooong as hell tbh & also, thank you for being so sweet! It really made my night & I don’t mind at all you coming to me to talk! 💜💗))

Okaaay, I found out all the way back in November that my partner cheated on me. Like you, i decided to stay with him & work through things but I gotta say, this has been a challenge like no other.

Sooo, I know EXACTLY what you mean about not feeling good about yourself & not feeling attractive to the person you love so dearly. It’s incredibly difficult to feel like yourself when you’ve been betrayed by someone so close to you. By someone who’s supposed to have your back. But you’re still in there my love. It’s just a new scar, that’s all.

Like, it’s taken me months to even attempt this, but day by day lately, I’ve been stacking bricks, trying to build a wall between me & all that bullshit & hurt. Like I literally envision a wall. So yes, it is hard but it’s also doable. Even if it’s slow to happen.

You gotta remember/find out who you are outside of your relationship & outside of being cheated on. Yes, it changes you, it makes you angry & sad & sometimes it’s just agonizing to live with it but it’s not who we are at all. Being cheated on isn’t what defines us!

We are so much more than this shitty thing that happened to us. Sooo much more.

My angel, remember that you weren’t cheated on because you’re unattractive, unworthy, unlovable, or whatever. You’re gonna have to tell yourself this until you listen. Until you actually start believing it. This is legit one of the bricks for my wall & it’s going to be one of the most important ones tbh.

& yeah, this part is DEFINITELY easier said than done, but I’m closer to listening to that today than I was just last month. You’ll get there too. Biggest thing is, don’t rush. Healing takes time. Working on trusting again takes time. Working on feeling like yourself takes time. That’s okay. Believe me.

Next step to building that confidence back up is don’t fucking hate on yourself!!! My goodness, I struggle with this so every time I say that I’m just ugly or that he doesn’t love me I’m knocking a brick off my wall & I got to start over again. That’s unfair to ourselves. We can’t do that.

So every time you start hating on yourself you HAVE to make the conscious effort to quit that shit. Say something nice about yourself. I don’t care if it’s something like your earlobe is cute. Anything positive, no matter how small, is AUTOMATICALLY better than whatever hateful thing you’re saying at the moment. Work on that. Work on being nice to yourself because you’re already going through so much & without a doubt, you did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to deserve being cheated on. You wouldn’t say mean things to someone who is already hurting, so why do it to yourself?

Ask for help is the next thing on my list. Find people who boost your confidence & who you can vent to. A family member, your BFF, anyone. Ask them to be your hype man. To remind you how great you are. How fucking gorgeous & sweet you are, how damn funny & smart you are. This is especially important when you start falling into a self-hate spiral. It’s sooo easy to forget how others see us when someone so close changed the way you view yourself, but that positive reinforcement does do a lot. ((& yeah, you’re gonna be like bullshit a lot of the times, but it does help to hear it. Even if you only believe them for a minute, that’s one less minute of feeling horrible)).

You should also try to do all those things that make you feel good about yourself. The things that made you feel lovable & attractive. Whether that’s dressing up & going on a date or something more intimate & personal. Allow yourself to feel sexy in your own eyes & in the eyes of your partner.

Do the things that always seem to make your partner go wild for you (I know how cheesy this sounds😎). If they’re all like “daaaaaaamnnn,” that’s gonna feel pretty fucking good. Bask in those moments because you need that good feeling. It helps so much to feel like you’re fine as hell to your partner & if you find yourself no believing them, revert back to the above.

Also, you’re gonna have to tell your partner what you need from them. Specifically & generically. Like, that was the biggest thing for me & our relationship. I needed him to be an open book so he’s steady being open about who he’s talking to on his phone, what he’s doing on social media & so on & so forth. Like it’s gotten to the point where Im not always having to ask, he’ll just tell me. That helps build the trust back up.

I also asked him to do things that make me feel important & special again. Things that are outside of sex (this is so damn important). Like when he buys me flowers randomly or calls me beautiful when I least expect it, that feel so good. That helps me feel like I’m thought about, cared about, loved & special to him. It sounds basic but that’s what normal partners do & the goal is to feel normal within the relationship again.

You clearly love this person & want this relationship to workout so you’re also gonna need to remind yourself about how they used to make you feel. Like, at some point they made you feel like you were on top of the world. Hold on to those feelings & memories. REMIND YOURSELF THAT THE PERSON WHO MADE YOU FEEL SO GREAT IS STILL IN THERE!!! THAT THEY LOVE YOU FOR YOU!! THAT YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED!!!!

Yes, a lot has changed & you’re gonna have to accept that things can’t go exactly back to the way they used to be. So you gotta work on a better tomorrow. A tomorrow where you can trust this person again. One where you feel normal & good & attractive again. Hold onto the good memories & make even better ones. This all helps you move forward, & that’s the whole point. I know you miss those good ol’ days but those aren’t the only ones that are going to matter & getting caught up on how things used to be is just gonna depress the hell outta you. Like I’ve made myself sick doing this & I’m trying like hell to stop doing it. It’s okay to miss how things were, but if you really want to move on, you got to accept that things have changed & that it can be a good thing.

Another great thing you can do for yourself is live up the moments you feel good. Like when you had a good day, hold onto that. Be excited about that. Be proud of e v e r y single moment that you didn’t think about yourself negatively or about being cheated on, because like I said, it isn’t what defines you.

There’s a lot you are going to have to work on personally. There’s also a lot you’ll have to work on together. You’re going to have to be open when you can & sometimes you’re just gonna have to wipe the tears & keep on keepin’ on. That shit is hard but it’s for you & your relationship. It can be worth it!

Don’t be so quick to doubt yourself & the impact you have on your partner. There is soooo many qualities of yours that would make anyone lucky to have you in their life & lemme tell you, they know this.

Soo if you gotta walk around like the cockiest mofo around in order to believe it, so be it. If that’s what helps get your confidence back up, shooooo then fake it till you make it boo.

It’s gonna take so much strength & courage from you to feel better & to feel like yourself again but it will happen. It’s gonna be agonizing at times & it’ll probably be slow too but progress is progress, no matter how much bullshit you go through to get there.

But, all in all my dear, you are smart, beautiful, kind, sweet, strong as fuck, & worth loving & if you need me to remind you of that, I will. Every day I will.

I want you to be happy & it’s okay to struggle with how you feel. Just know that that’s not the end of the road. This isn’t the only chapter that’s written in your book. You have to remember all the great things about you & that happens one day at time. So be patient. Be gentle with yourself & allow yourself time to heal.

You’ll feel like yourself again one day & you’ll feel attractive & good about yourself one day too. Just know you have my support & I know exactly how you feel so if you ever need to talk shugg, I am here for you.

So let me end all this with hopefully a smile because I’m gonna send you all the great, incredible love vibes your way sugaaaaah 🌈🔮💕💚💘

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Grace

Janis: hey Janis: how you settling back in? Grace: ugh Grace: no weirder than its gotta be for you tho Janis: 😕 bummer Janis: lack of sunshine too real a metaphor Janis: well Grace: OMG SPILL Janis: Cass text and the situation sounded dire enough that I had to just talk to him Janis: and thank fuck, it didn't blow up in my face Grace: Love it Grace: not the dire situ obvs but like Grace: 💘💘 Janis: Yeah Janis: I think it's gonna be alright Grace: Yay!! Grace: I called it but still buzzing to hear it from you babes Janis: You wanna claim to know things now? Janis: let you have it 😜 Grace: excuse you bitch I do know things Grace: but it's not hard when you and barista boy are so obvs Janis: 🔮 Janis: obvs enough you spotted him? Janis: keep it on the DL Grace: Duh Grace: 😂 Janis: 😂 Awh Janis: poor baby Grace: I don't have to feel bad for either of you any more so Janis: Shame Janis: getting used to the perks Grace: cope with it bitch im not bringing you food just cos Grace: it's your turn tbh Janis: are you that 💔 forreal Grace: not about to ✂ levels of hard honey Grace: but idk Janis: thank god, don't you dare piggyback on my depression era bob, bitch Janis: no twinning Janis: you'll get into your groove with the whole LDR vibe Grace: eww never call it that again Grace: and no thanks there's no way I could pull off the cut Grace: how soon can I call him? its a lot Janis: whatever i call it, it is what it is, babe Janis: he'll be happy to hear from you already Janis: don't stress it Janis: pretend you're practicing your Spanish if you wanna play it 😎 Grace: we both know my spanish is A++ and so does he Janis: don't need to know how you've proved it thanks Grace: cos you know Grace: omg how did I get myself into this Grace: rom coms dont get made on any of this cos its too cringe Janis: stop 😷 Janis: let your 😍 get the better of you Janis: can't fight it now Janis: step off my bit, like Grace: thanks babes Grace: guess we've fully switched Grace: you're in with the advice Janis: what can I say Janis: momentary blip and I'm back to being the wise one Grace: rude Grace: I'm about to get top marks in Spanish until we leave school so Janis: you can thank Mateo in your speech if you like Grace: might have lost him by then but i'll always have the skills 🙏 Janis: oh honey Janis: so pessimistic Grace: uh no Grace: the realest Grace: you've been there with past me Grace: it's about time like Janis: he's not like your past beaus though Janis: is he Grace: okay no Grace: I'll chill Grace: I'm just Janis: ? Grace: let's not go there Janis: fine Janis: not like i was just the most vulnerable with you or anything 😏 Grace: you bitch Grace: okay like I'm being dramatic but it's just such a thing Grace: everything that's happened and I'm still like ?? have I changed enough for this Grace: you know what I mean? Janis: that's up to you Janis: 'cos a lot of that shit, wasn't on you Janis: yeah, you weren't perfect but your bullshit came from picking the wrong sort of dudes Janis: and you've already changed that part of the puzzle so Grace: Maybe you are the wise one Grace: I wanna be good enough for him cos this whole ldr vibe won't be easy Grace: Gotta be worthwhile if he's putting way much effort in Janis: No maybe about it baby Janis: you'll be putting in as much Janis: that's all you need to do Grace: Is it? Janis: 'course Janis: he liked you Janis: you've done the hard graft on that one Grace: okay Janis: Trust Grace: weird idea but yeah Grace: 🤞 Janis: charming Grace: 😂 Grace: It's tea and it's lukewarm at best Janis: how many of the spanish lads did mia run through Janis: bet pablo won Grace: ewww Grace: so gross and so real Janis: got so cultured Grace: the levels of cringe when the only souvenirs they bring back are love bites and pee tests Janis: I mean Janis: beats a keyring Janis: but wasn't really vibing Grace: I'd take a keyring over Mia Janis: Ooosh Grace: She's way harder to lose Janis: Savage but fair Janis: I know it Janis: suffered that for long enough Grace: #twining Grace: cos me too Grace: At least it's a good thing when barista boy Grace: love that he's highkey Janis: worked in my favour so Janis: not gonna disagree Grace: you two kill me omg Janis: shut up Grace: 🤐 Janis: it is good tho Grace: im happy for you babes Grace: even if im 😡 too cos im alone af Janis: soz you can't join in Janis: but i owe you several pity dates so, call 'em in when you're really feeling it Grace: yay Grace: im 100% planning to annoy your bf at work now hes not 💔 Janis: i'll warn him Grace: do it so he can work my angles Grace: been a while since he got his camera out for me Janis: 😑 if I didn't know that wasn't innuendo Janis: could pretend I don't and smack you down Grace: 😂 Grace: Chill I got a boy of my own to keep interested Janis: 👀 on you bitch Grace: 💅 Janis: 🔨 Grace: 🙄 Janis: anyway the real question Janis: do i milk the perks of being 💔 with the fam or do i come clean to get them the fuck out my face Grace: not even a q Grace: you'll crack and tell them Grace: dad's too highkey about eating feelings Janis: yeah Janis: already getting content fat Janis: can't also pile on the sad fat Janis: nightmare Grace: OMG shut up Grace: I'll smack you Grace: so unfair Janis: 🤷 Grace: such a bitch Janis: whatever Janis: like you're a whale Grace: next to you like Janis: you're mad Janis: its different body types Janis: you're more like rio Janis: and edie Janis: me and billie are more twiggy, thanks dad 🙄 Grace: ugh Grace: please im nothing like Rio Grace: Or Edie Janis joined the chat 84 minutes ago Janis: Yeah Janis: not in the bad ways, don't worry Grace: 🙄🙄 in any ways tbh Janis: who you like then Janis: or you think you ❄ Grace: more like 🦆 Grace: but anyway Janis: bitch please you know how that one goes Janis: swan the whole time Grace: bitch that's a kid's story Grace: not living it Janis: may as well Janis: living with old mother hubbard, like Grace: 😂 Janis: can't be normal with this narrative Janis: sadly Grace: ugh real Janis: but fuck normal right Grace: 👏 Grace: If Mia's it then yeah Janis: we all know normal is code for basic so, yeah Janis: we might be fucked but at least we ain't that Grace: Thank god Grace: nicest thing you've ever said to me too Grace: doubly blessed here Janis: don't get too used to it Janis: still me, like Grace: Do I need to warn Jimmy? Janis: Nah Janis: but he ain't you Janis: no offense 😘 Grace: we all know Grace: we see your 😍 Janis: duh Janis: you been there too Grace: did you tell him? Janis: that you fancied him? Janis: we been knew Grace: GURL PLEASE Grace: that you love him Janis: oh Janis: ha Janis: maybe Janis: if i only just managed to say it to him, what makes you think imma shout it to you bitch 😜 Grace: OMG HAVE I NOT SUFFERED FOR THIS Grace: 😂 Janis: I know, you love the fairytale ending Janis: to be continued, babe Grace: Rude Grace: Gonna have to watch Netflix if you won't let me binge on your drama Janis: netflix and chill ur man Janis: dirty hoe Grace: excuse you Grace: that is a good idea tho Janis: i know Janis: only an hour ahead, thank fuck the school didn't shell out for a more exotic exchange Grace: ikr? id die Grace: i like you boy but i like sleeping too so Janis: 😂 Grace: you ever coming home or you just living over there with him now? Janis: solid plan Janis: though diego and Iggy would get pissy if I stole their respective studios Grace: I'd take them being mad over his dad cos that's option 2 Grace: and he's such a Janis: bellend Janis: gonna be fuming i'm back Grace: oh god Grace: least youve got your fans in his brother and sister Grace: and that dog like Janis: sure you're still bobs number 1 Janis: won't tell him YOU'VE moved on tho Grace: oh no what a homewrecker move of me Grace: he's soooo sweet Grace: that's why I brought him back some Spanish 🍬 Janis: that'll soften the blow Janis: be his sweet bitch and you can sow your wild oats Grace: 😂 Grace: boys are so easy Grace: you can take them for me if you don't take the credit bitch Janis: no promises Janis: i'm getting back in good books here Grace: 👌 I'll deliver them myself Grace: 👀 on you Janis: you can when you're forcing headshot duties on jim Grace: true Janis: s'alright, I ain't down for being 'muse' 'til this shit grows out Grace: BUT IT'S CUTE Janis: 👖🔥 Grace: not even Grace: I like it Janis: I'll make it work Janis: like you always say Janis: hardly fashion forward am i Grace: you're obvs making that work too babes Janis: sure Janis: butch dyke chic Grace: shhhh Grace: so not Janis: have to get billie to take notes Grace: good luck getting her to do anything Janis: True Janis: how long can a baby be an excuse Janis: no shade Grace: like 2 years at most Grace: but in this fam 2 seconds Grace: gotta have and do it all Janis: she's outta time then Janis: do 👏 some 👏 work 👏 bitch Grace: Big mood Janis: cue her angry model rant Janis: it's a real job, okay 😜 Grace: I'm so mad about it Grace: never once been spotted in town so unfair Janis: gutted Janis: could be a creepy fam sitch Janis: wannabe kardashians, know you'd love it Grace: obvs Janis: 😂 are you sure Janis: what if you're the khloe tho Grace: that's so mean omg Grace: but i'd still take it Janis: don't do yourself like that hun, none of us need to take that bullet Grace: easy for you to say Kim Grace: Don't tell Rio that's you like she'd go off Janis: 😂😂 she got the tapes Grace: omg yeah didn't think of that Grace: take back your kim status Grace: i'm obvs kylie anyway her taste in lads like Janis: mhmm, and the egomaniac mans #sozkanye #sozbuster #but Janis: i'll be your kendall then Janis: nothing like the rest and seems uninterested in their shit half the time Grace: 😂 Grace: shamelessly the prettiest Grace: 👀 you Janis: 😏 Janis: billie can be kourtney 'cos remember when kim told her she was boring to look at Janis: savage Grace: iconic Janis: then no one has to be khloe, sorted Janis: though her kid is cute Grace: 😍😍😍 ikr Grace: so many of them are Grace: unfair Janis: we all know why Janis: #goblack Janis: Ma did it better Grace: Gonna tell Jimmy he's dumped already like? Grace: Cold Janis: 😂 not being that bitch Janis: if I ever say I'm having kids, you need to assess a lot more than that Janis: like hell no Grace: believe it when I don't see it Grace: you were saying you weren't 💘 once upon a time Janis: I wanna have a life tho tah Grace: if anyone's proved you can it's everyone in this fam Grace: girl please that's not an excuse Janis: not saying it is, just a reason to keep on the pill, like Janis: i'm hardly Ma Grace: 😂 Janis: imagine Janis: poor fuckers Grace: let's not cos i agree with you and thats weird enough Janis: i can fight you if you like Janis: always a pleasure Grace: the ✂ taken the fun out of it Grace: love a dramatic hair pull moment Janis: oh, there's still enough to pull 😏 Grace: TMI Janis: 😂 Grace: if you were talking about his I'd be listening though Grace: he may be white but hes still cute Janis: square up Grace: girl no Grace: not trying to ruin my nails for anyone thank you Janis: shoulda thought about that Grace: think on your possessiveness hun Janis: no bitch Janis: he's mine Janis: end of story Grace: 💍 Janis: 🖕 Grace: 💋