#i'm going to write an essay on the character of the narrator in the princess bride

[rapha-reads]

So, I'm reading William Goldman's The Princess Bride - S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure (I love this title), and I reached the page where Goldman says to write to his publisher Harcourt to ask for a copy of Westley and Buttercup's reunion down the ravine (he added in a late edition a website that, surprise surprise, doesn't work).

Anyway, I tried something.

I'll keep you posted if I get an answer!

[galactic-murmaider]

Entered a train of thought and because I’m now SpongeBob in the mailbox waiting for the Metalocalypse and Venture Bros. movies (Aqua Teen Hunger Force to a lesser extent, I'm just not into that as much as the other two plus it at least had a good run) might as well share my wants/predictions for the Metalocalypse movie (aka Army of Doomstar):

Spoilers for both the entire series and Galatikon II so if you prefer to avoid them or just haven’t seen the series yet…here’s the SpongeBob meme I referenced earlier otherwise click “keep reading”

Please give Abigail more to do. I do love this show, but there’s no denying some elements have aged better than others and while Abigail is the best written of the female characters on the show...by default, she's still pretty underdeveloped has the problem of being introduced in the last few episodes of the last season and especially doesn't really do much in Doomstar Requiem other than being co-hostages with Toki and wrapping up her relationship arc with Nathan in the final few minutes of the special (and indeed Metalocalypse so far)...which makes that Tribunal speech in Writersklok slightly hypocritical in hindsight (not even saying I think that Brendon Small is a misogynist or anything, just that he really struggles with writing women even when not showcasing Dethklok are kind of bad people). But with that said I don't hate her like a good chunk of the fandom does even if I do agree that the love triangle was pretty stupid, just that there's wasted potential here since it's evident that they had more plans for her for the planned Season 5 but weren't able to get to it. I'm still pretty curious as to where this goes though considering how Nathan is in a committed relationship for real this time (barring what eventually will happen if Galaktikon II is anything to go by) albeit with the baggage that Abigail is technically his boss and logically I sort of expect her to take the place of Offdensen in role as manager. Even if I don't necessarily want a carbon copy of Princess Carolyn either..speaking of Charles:

While I am an Offdensen stan, I don't expect him to become a major character again until later on considering the events of Doomstar, I actually would not be surprised if the first lines are him narrating a la Ishnifus at the start of most of Season 4's episodes. Especially since I expect the band but especially Toki has to grapple with his absence a la the Season 3 premiere except for real this time and presumably they have Abigail to take over as well as from we can gleam from Galaktikon Nathan does eventually shape up to be a better leader. But he is a fan favorite and there's evidence that he is a character in Galaktikon II (specifically the final battle) so he does at least come back, and while I'm not the first to say this a reunion with Toki is at least in order considering how he didn't even got to say goodbye in Requiem what with him being held hostage at the time so even though he may not be "needed" as much from a managerial position he's still important not only in the sense of being the "Dead Man" of the Prophecy but as the sort of father figure for the group and the positive masculinity to counterbalance the toxic masculinity the band has for most of the run (seriously I could write a whole essay about that part), so they both could probably use the emotional closure from that again especially considering the proposed ending. I also kind of wonder if Charles's participation in the final battle is in accordance to his role in the Church of Black Klok considering how his resignation from his managerial position for the band includes how he presumably can't protect them anymore with the Prophecy in effect although he doesn't tell them about the part of becoming Ishnifus's successor should something happen. Plus if the dude is willing to have a sword duel to the death because someone threatened to replace him, I'd probably he'd find a way to help them in a way that doesn't interfere with the terms of the Prophecy. Oh and of course "that is my bread and butter you are f[riff]ing with" wouldn't be complete without that, I mean even Season 4 follows this rule albeit via a DVD extra. There is also the question of the Salacia is Charles's father fan theory, but we won't dwell on that right now...and continuing on my god-tier transitions:

Now admittedly while I am excited for this movie, I'm not sure if I can imagine Small's situation of wrapping up your series by writing around the trademarks via Galaktikon only to have the network that screwed you over originally crawl back to you by acknowledging their huge mistake and that they'd do your finale movie albeit in the name of providing content for their part in the streaming wars. I'm not quite sure how I'd feel in that situation either so it could further screw the vision if the "finale" is technically out for the public to seek out. Although if Army of Doomstar were to use songs from Galaktikon that'd be one hell of a power move on Brendon's part considering how part of why the cancellation happened was partially due to legal bullshit. But that's not even my main point, but rather...if that does happen doe that mean we're getting Mark Hamil singing Nightmare?! Because that would be pretty awesome and a war crime if arguably the best song from Galaktikon II wasn't included. I mean I'm not sure if he's got the exact vocal range for that song, but he did his own singing voice for Requiem even if it's difficult to count that since all the dialogue in that was singing, and hell he sang in the movie version of Killing Joke and the Child's Play reboot might as well get one where the movie is actually good.

If Triton were to appear for the full circle aspect of it all (although I don't expect more than like a cameo maybe depends on what the rights issues were here), thought it'd be appropriate if we got David Dastmalchian to voice him and I think you know why. Plus he voiced Calendar Man and Penguin in the animated version of Long Halloween so the dude at least knows how to voice act, probably because he started as a stage actor which has a better track record for transitioning into voice acting compared to screen acting. A bit playing against type maybe, but I'm at least competent that he could pull it off.

And last but certainly not least...if there is another tour shut and take my money already!

And that covers most of the bases from most important to least important. I maybe don't expect the next Citizen Kane, but at the end of the day, I expect a good movie and to have a good time watching it even if my speculations are proven wrong. Although I might lowkey have a Ko-Fi happen if any of my predictions end up being right in some way /hj.

[filmmakerdreamst]

Xena: Warrior Princess Review

During Pride Month 2020, I finally got around to watch ‘Xena’. A show that had been in my to-watch list for years, but never got around to start. And when I finally did, I was pleasantly surprised. It was not what I expected and it was everything I think my 11 year old self would have loved.

The one thing that surprised me about the show, was the lack of packaging. Even though it was a fantasy, it also played with different kinds of genres too. I’ve talked about this before in my other review - ‘Xena’ was made at a time when TV had very few rules/rarely had a set audience, since there were parts of the show that were clearly for kids and there were other parts that were clearly for adults (therefore had much more flexibility). I admired how they weren’t afraid to break barriers and touch on deep themes such as religion, morality, redemption, spirituality, motherhood, forgiveness etc - even more than shows of today are able. I also loved how they played into the idea of ‘murder’ and how much it can damage a person - not just the person who commits the act, but the many people affected afterwards. I wasn’t expecting it to be that extreme. It made me think that this must of been the inspiration for ‘Game of Thrones’. 

I see a lot of comments here and there, saying how ‘cheesy and terrible’ it was but to just accept it because its part of the fun. And while like any show it does suffer from the occasional spell of bad writing (the whole of season 5) but it was also shown to be very aware of that fact and never took itself too seriously - unlike some shows I could mention. 

And regarding the ‘cheese’ factor (what 90s show wasn’t) It definitely can be, but I would call it ‘camp’ and ‘experimental’ more than anything else. (Don’t diss the poor use of CGI - I’m personally sympathetic to what was avaliable to them at the time) The style of humour reminded me of Taika Waititi’s filmmaking. If you’ve watched any of his films such as ‘Hunt for The Wilderpeople’ or ‘Jojo Rabbit’, then you know what I’m talking about. I liked how little they cared about being accurate or logical, which added to the ‘bonkers’ element in the show - which you can see in all of Taika Waititi’s films.

In all seriousness, a show centered around two women in their late twenties, who are realistic sizes (not trying to play teenagers). One of whom is a reformed mass murderer, who has lived a life experience, trying to do good in the world for the first time, picking the other one up who has no life experience prior (after they bugged them until they said ‘ok fine’) in their path to redemption. Just two women who become friends travelling the world together, fighting crime, having a laff, learning from one another without any toxicity - when suddenly when the stakes are raised - they realise ‘oh I'm actually falling in love with this person’ I have watched a lot of badly written shows in my childhood enough to know that, that’s not ‘cheesy’. I’ve never seen a story like that in my entire life. I’m not at all surprised that Russel T Davis was inspired by it while writing the Doctor and Rose’s relationship in ‘Doctor Who’ since he’s gay himself.

What’s more amazing about their love story is how they’re both develop as separate people as well. There was this video essay explaining ‘Why you should watch Angel’ the spin off series to Buffy; how ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer ‘was all about growing up and ‘Angel’ was all about being an adult. With Xena: Warrior Princess, you have both of those stories at the same time. 

Xena’s character was such a multifaceted experience to watch. And I can’t imagine anyone else who could play her as well as Lucy Lawless. What planet did they get that actress from? She's flawless! The amount of skill she has to put herself into a very physical role is astonishing. I personally had a love/hate relationship with her character all series long. Not in the way that I hated her, just that I couldn’t trust if she was all good or bad, which I know was intentional on the writers part. I haven’t seen a character quite like her before. She felt very much like a fallen angel; almost like the villain of her own story. Some of my favourite episodes come from fleshing out her character and dark past (‘Locked up and Tied Down’ is one of them) which reminds the audience that's she's not the stereotypical hero everyone expects. I loved her transformation from being this incredibly stoic warrior to being content and happy with who she is in season six, all because of a woman she fell in love with along the way. 

I’ve always thought of Gabrielle as the real hero and narrator of ‘Xena’. She’s the prime example of ‘a normal person becoming extrodinary’. Gabrielle’s coming of age story starting out as an innocent girl from a poor village dreaming of adventure, and ending as this vicious warrior who realises the ‘adventure’ wasn’t how she made it out to be is honestly the best character arc that I’ve ever seen. I loved how travelling with Xena made her realise her passion for writing (which was never going to happen in her home town, given the ‘sexist’ and ‘heteronormative’ ideas) and that she became a amazon princess like Xena. In regards to her sexuality, which is more up for debate than Xena’s (which I think we can all agree is bisexual) I personally interpret her as gay, just in terms of how she was written. Theres this moment in season 4 where she's being held up her hair, and Xena “symbolically” cuts it off ‘freeing her’. And she never really gets with a man afterwards, unless she’s being ‘possessed. It reminded me of a moment in one of Hayao Miyasaki’s films ‘Laputa, Castle in the Sky’ where the bad guy Moska shoots Sheeta’s ‘princess hair off’ which symbolises her transition from child to adult.

The cinematography was breathtaking. There was some great utilisation of New Zealand as the scenery. So was the soundtrack. You could tell it was made by experienced filmmakers. One of my favourite things about the show was the domestic elements - moments in the show where time seemed to stop - which made the world around the characters seem very real and magical. Even though it was a show that featured a lot of action/adventure, there was also this gentleness to it as well. For example, you could feel the wetness of the rain, the warmth of the sun and the clashing of the waves. This technique is used in Hayao Miayasaki’s work a lot .

The technique is referred to as ‘MA’ 空虚 meaning emptiness in Japanese. ‘Miyasaki describes this as the time between a clap’

“If you just have non stop action, with no breathing space at all, its just busyness. But if you take a moment, then the tension building in the film can grow into a wider dimension” - Hayao Miyasaki

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The episode ‘A Day in the Life’ in season two is a really good example of this technique being used.

To my understanding, they used a lot of the local actors in New Zealand, which according to Lucy Lawless, consisted of ‘African immigrants and other different ethnicites’. It was so refreshing to see such a diverse show (despite some slip ups) especially in the 90s. I appreciated the idea that if the actors or extras couldn’t do an ‘american accent’ people could just talk in their natural speech which was also very refreshing. 

The LGBT representation was surprisingly amazing. I never expected so many queer characters in one show - especially under the censors. There was this one episode where they had a trans woman - played by an actual trans actress - win a beauty contest. It made me cry. Not to mention the actress was an aids activist. It was actually Lucy Lawless’ idea to kiss her which was incredibly controversial at that time considering how everyone thought you could catch aids just by kissing. I can definitey see how it validated people back in the 90s.

When people told me that Xena: Warrior Princess was one of the greatest love stories, I thought they were exaggerating a little. But no, watching the show in context, I found out that it really is. Despite its obvious restrictions, It made me realise (regarding token gay couples today) how often television writers rely on physicality and drama to convey a ‘love story’ and how much of it is actually pandering the audience. One of the reasons why Xena and Gabrielle’s relationship felt so genuine is because it was built on mutual respect/compassion and they were also best friends. I felt like I was witnessing something very real and private. It didn’t need kissing scenes or drama to make it interesting. 

It really helped that most of the writers were queer also. There’s this opening scene in season 4, panning over to Gabrielle giving Xena a massage (metaphor for sex - because they weren’t able to show that on screen) which I consider to be one of the most iconic scenes in media - considering how I wanted to sick up my supper when I watched the 10 minute ‘empty’ explicit sex scene in ‘Blue in the Warmest Colour’. The difference when something is written by a queer women vs a straight man.

Because the creators weren’t allowed to write their love story in the normal way, due to the studio forbidding them to, they found creative ways to showcase that love on screen - which made for a very magical/sensual experience. And I can safely say, if anyone has doubts about watching ‘Xena’, whenever I expected to be queer baited at a few points in the show, I was proved wrong time and time again. It’s the most romantical show I’ve ever seen in my life!