#i'm going to try to get transfered to a new (again) location to finish out my 'contract' plus i do like the skills i learn at my job

[longeyelashedtragedy]

i feel really sad. just squashed under the heavy weight of sadness

[electrikworm]

5 times Wrecker protected his siblings and 5 times they protected him: Chapter 7

Early into their active duty, Wrecker is badly injured on a mission. Tech is left to try and get his vod out of danger, all whilst blaming himself for Wrecker being hurt in the first place.

--

Content warning: Blood and injury, eye injury

Very hastily edited chapter! Probably lots of mistakes in it

Hunter's physically 20 in this, Tech 19 and Wrecker and Crosshair are about late 17.

Read on Ao3

“Hurry up Wrecker.“ Tech hisses into his comm, taking out two B1's marching through the narrow door only using one of his blasters. There's a few seconds of silence, no more droids advancing on his immediate position, and that's all Tech needs to get the door closed. He'll have some semblance of peace to extract the data they need.

If Wrecker gets the generator running again.

“I could hurry if your directions were better.” Wrecker answers. Tech sighs.

“How kriffing hard is it to follow 'two lefts, then a right'? It's one corridor away from the one I'm in.” Tech has no idea how Wrecker is taking so long. Luckily the data they need has to be deleted manually, and Tech can prevent anyone from doing that himself. But if the generator is destroyed before Wrecker gets there, the mission will be a write off either way.

“Yeah, yeah.” Wrecker says, blaster fire heard in the background. “Think I found it.” Tech doesn't comment on the amount of time it took him to do so again.

“Get it running. Remember what I told you?” Tech says.

“Yeah, I know. A switch or something.” Those are not the exact words Tech used, but correcting Wrecker would be a pointless waste of time. “I see it.”

Finally. For a moment, the terminal in front of Tech powers up, but just as he moves to extract the data, it goes dark again. “Wrecker, what did you do?” Tech snaps. This mission has been dragging on for far too long, required too much effort, to fail now. It's only their fourth mission. It being unsuccessful would reflect very badly on them as a team.

“I didn't do anything! The kriffing switch won't stay flipped!” Wrecker responds far too loud.

“Then hold it down.” Tech says. The door won't keep the droids out forever. He won't be able to fend them off and extract the data.

Tech hears blaster fire over the comm, then Wrecker groaning in annoyance. “Fine. But if I get shot, I'm blaming you.” Tech doesn't acknowledge Wreckers comment.

The power comes on, permanently this time, and Tech gets to work. It's not a hard job. No wonder they were fighting so hard to destroy the terminal, the thing has so little going for it in terms of security, Tech's confident any member of Clone Force 99 could have took his place.

“How you getting on Tech?” Hunters says through the comm channel, sounding strained.

“Almost done, just a few more seconds.” As he speaks, the transfer of the data, locations of new droid factories, is complete. “I'm finished. However, the information stored on this terminal has abysmal protection. I could potentially extract more intel.”

Hunter stays quiet for a moment before answering. “Get what ever you can Tech.”

Tech's a few seconds in when he gets interrupted again, this time by Wrecker. “What's taking you so long?” he complains.

“I will be done soon. Be patient.” Tech hopes Wrecker gets the message that he doesn't want to be disturbed again. He doesn't.

“I don't like this...” Wrecker complains further.

“I'm well aware.” Tech says. “As said, I won't take much longer. Just hold the switch and let me work.”

Just as the last word leaves Techs mouth, a deafening noise transmits from Wreckers comlink and something shakes the entire separatist base. Techs ears are left ringing as he desperately tries to regain a feel for his surroundings. How did he end up on the floor? Fighting against the pain in his head, he pulls himself up with the help of the terminal.

The terminal is dead again, and going off of the noises it's making, this time for good.

“Wrecker?” Tech tries to contact his brother. Nothing but static answers him.

Panic threatens to grip Tech as he opens the door and runs out in the direction he sent Wrecker, shooting the droids that had been trying to break in to the room on his way out.

“What happened?” Hunter asks over the comm. “There was a huge surge of electricity.”

“They overloaded the systems to destroy the data. Wrecker's not answering his comm.” Tech says, not halting the sprint in his brother's direction. Tech should have known they'd try something like this. It's his job to know things, to warn his brothers of them. His inability may have just gotten Wrecker killed.

Crosshair swearing is the only response Tech gets.

Tech rounds the last corner leading to the generator and spots the consequences of the overload. Smoke and rubble and twisted pieces of metal, and between it all, the just recognizable glint of white of his brothers helmet.

There are droids swarming this corridor as well, but they've took a hit from the explosion too. In the confusion and low visibility, Tech dispatches of them close to his record speed.

Wrecker isn't buried under any of the debris, and the rise and fall of his chest let Tech know he's alive. He's far from unscathed Tech notes as he crouches next to his brother. Most of the damage is contained to Wreckers left side, armor missing or cracked. Even his helmet is cracked, Tech observes. When he tilts his brothers head to the right gently to get a better look, he's faced with a grim sight.

The left side of Wreckers helmet isn't just cracked, it's almost entirely gone. A bloody mess of electrical burns and torn skin lay where the armor should be, as far down as his arm and chest, all the way up and across his face. Worryingly close to his eye. It's hard to see the extent of the damage under all the blood flowing over his face, clinging to his short hair.

Tech doesn't have time to linger, instead wrapping his arms around his brothers chest and starting to drag him. Wrecker's always so much heavier than Tech remembers. Tech needs to contact Hunter and Crosshair, needs to at least try and stop some of Wreckers bleeding, but not here.

Tech drags Wrecker into another room to the side, one with a functioning door, unlike the room the generator used to be in. Ideally, Tech would just continue getting both of them out of the facility. He can't risk Wrecker dying from blood loss on the way.

Tech updates his conscious brothers as he flicks his torch on. He can see somewhat in the dark through his visor, but he needs more light to asses the situation properly. There isn't much he can do for Wrecker, so the little amount of bacta spray and hastily applied bandages will have to do. As Tech had feared, Wreckers eye doesn't look good.

It's an undeniable fact that Wreckers future is uncertain. The role Tech played in causing this uncertainty isn't lost on him. If the Kaminoans decide to decommission Wrecker, that he isn't worth the effort it would take to fix him, his blood is on Techs hands.

Whilst Wrecker stays unconscious throughout, his body does react when Tech does something that seems to worsens his pain. His disorientated noises of distress worry Tech. The high voltage of the generator overloading may have caused Wrecker permanent brain damage on top of the now certain ocular trauma he's sustained.

An eye can be replaced, damage to the brain is not as easily fixed.

Not that it isn't already. It's soaked into his gloves, splattered onto his breastplate. When Tech resumes dragging Wrecker, his brothers head lolls to the side, coming to rest against Tech's helmet, no doubt staining that red too.

Wrecker's helmet was beyond saving, it's purpose negated by the jagged edges left where it cracked, threatening to dig themselves into Wreckers skin. Tech leaves it on the floor where he placed it.

Hunter and Crosshair know of the situation now, said they'd try and get to Tech and their downed vod if they could. The state Wreckers in, Tech wouldn't risk waiting around for them even if he was certain they'd get to him.

It's a tedious job. Dragging Wreckers full weight is exhausting, strain put on Techs legs and back already painfully clear. The droids don't make it any easier. There are far less of them marching down the halls now then there were when he and Wrecker first made their entrance. Still enough to make Tech have to stop and clear them out ever so often.

Every time he's forced to do so, to let go of his brother, Tech is plagued by a wave of fear. If Tech is even a moment too slow, if just one shot is fired low, the consequences for Wrecker could be fatal.

At some point, a droid hits Tech in the back of his shoulder, but he doesn't have time to think of the pain spreading down his arm. Not when his kih'vod is bleeding out in enemy territory.

When Tech hears Hunter's voice, not over the comm, but behind him, Tech almost collapses in relief.

The rest of the way back to the Marauder is a blur. The pain in Tech's shoulder gets worse, even though he doesn't have to carry Wrecker alone any more. Wrecker's condition seems to only worsen.

By the time they've gotten him on the ship, he's semi conscious. Not that that's a good thing. All he does is writhe as unintelligible strings of words laced with pain fall from his lips. They can't even get him onto the sleeping rack he's squirming so much.

So Crosshair and Tech sit on the floor, desperately trying to keep their brother calm as they treat what they can of his injuries as Hunter flies the ship. Kamino's closest, so that's where they go.

“Can the medical stations even handle 99's?” Crosshair hisses as where to go is brought up. Tech doesn't know. None of them have been injured badly enough in the field to find out.

Kamino may be close, but there are still hours of hyperspace travel between them and the planet. Hours in which they have to keep Wrecker alive with what they have on hand. The painkillers get him to calm down somewhat, but in the end, Tech has to hold Wrecker the whole time Crosshair stills the bleeding.

Wrecker's injuries look even worse in this light. According to the med scanner, it at least seems Wrecker's helmet protected him from any brain damage worse than a nasty concussion. Tech still fears for Wrecker's future.

At some point, even through the no doubt heavy fog of pain and confusion, Wrecker recognises Tech, and begins mumbling his name ever so often. Tech feels like he's going to be sick when tears start freely flowing from Wrecker's undamaged eye.

“Tech...” he practically sobs. Tech has to stop Wrecker from pressing his face into Tech's chest plate, not wanting his vod to hurt himself further. It's worryingly easy to counter Wrecker's strength as Tech holds him away just long enough to get the piece of armor off.

As soon as Tech lets him, Wrecker buries his face in Tech's chest, clinging on to him weakly, movement uncoordinated. Tech's arm and shoulder burn, but he couldn't care less. Hints of pain still make their way into Tech's voice as he tries to speak calmly with Wrecker.

“You'll be fine Wrecker.” Tech says, hoping it won't turn out to be a lie.

Crosshair drapes one of their blankets over Wrecker's legs, than another over the bit of Wrecker's torso not covered by the first. Tech's thankful for Crosshair's astute thinking, Wrecker's skin feeling unnaturally cold to the touch, shivers occasionally shaking the large clone's body. Crosshair swears under his breath about the regulation blankets being ill fitted for Wrecker's size.

Crosshair sits down next to them, taking Wrecker's uninjured hand in his. The hyperspace travel to Kamino is tense. Wrecker bleeds through his bandages at an alarming rate. The large clone's pained whimpers and groans are the only thing breaking the silence in the ship for most of the time.

When they land on Kamino, Tech is quickly forced to let go of his brother. He wants to stay with Wrecker, make sure he's alright. Tipoca City's medical staff can't be trusted to handle Wrecker's unease around medical equipment, Tech's quite certain they are the very reason his little brother despises it so.

If Wrecker panics like he did on the Marauder, they will sedate and tie him down. They never explain anything they do, don't answer question clearly, sometimes even lie.

Tech watches Wrecker be loaded on a stretcher and disappear around a corner. Tech's chest feels constricted, tight knot of dread building in his stomach as he is escorted to medical treatment as well.

If it is deemed that Wrecker is not worth saving, Tech will never see his brother again. If they decide to decommission Wrecker, his vode will not be informed of the decision. It'll likely be done immediately, the information only reaching the rest of the squad when Wrecker's body is long cold.

Tech's barely paying attention as he is told to strip his upper body and the blaster wound is tended to. The pain is the only thing keeping him from completely losing his grip on reality.

Tech has to believe that the Kaminoans won't waste a valuable asset over something like blindness and deafness on one side, has to believe they won't find anything else wrong with him that Tech had missed, has to believe that Wrecker won't be killed because Tech made a mistake.

Tech isn't given a proper answer when he asks about Wrecker's condition. He is just left alone with his thoughts, usually sharp mind clouded somewhat by the pain medication he was given. He's not alone for long, Hunter and Crosshair soon finding him.

They don't know anything more about Wrecker than Tech does.

“We hoped you'd know where he is.” Hunter says. Crosshair places Lula on the bed Tech's on.

“Thought Wrecker might need her...” Crosshair's voice trails off as he speaks. The small tooka doll flops forward, large ears coming to rest against Tech's thigh. He picks it up and holds it in his lap. Lula's fabric is soft from years of use. Tech's chest hurts.

Hunter puts his hand on Tech's shoulder. “Wrecker will be fine. Don't overthink it, kih'vod.” Tech hums in acknowledgment, not sure he believes Hunter's words, but certain he will be overthinking it. He was made to overthink things, to process things fast and consider all options.

Tech spends the majority of the next three hours considering the option that his failure to pay attention may lead to Wrecker being decommissioned. He only stops because Nala Se enters the room. She doesn't acknowledge the three clones greeting her, instead standing at the foot of Tech's bed, eyes trained on a datapad in her hands.

Tech had heard of sentiments akin to jealousy from some regs when it comes to the direct attention Clone Force 99 gets from Kamino's Chief Medical Scientist. He never understood why. Going off the data Tech collected over the years, the negatives the attention brought with it outweighed any positive. For the most part, it just mean more tests, both medical and of their skills.

“Ma'am, may I ask about CT-9903's condition?” Tech speaks up as Nala Se looks like she's about to leave. She turns to him slowly, observing him silently for a moment.

“CT-9903 is currently in a bacta tank.” Nala Se says, then turns away and swiftly exits the medical bay. Tech almost breathes a sigh of relief.

The three brothers quickly agree to look for Wrecker once the lights are dimmed for the night cycle. Hunter and Crosshair are shooed out of the medical bay before that can happen, but a time and place to meet had already been arranged by then.

The stillness of night has fallen over the white halls of Tipoca City when Tech slips out of the room. The arm attached to his injured shoulder rests in a sling, but Tech still needs to steady it with his free hand as he walks, every move sending spikes of pain from the wound down his back.

Meeting with his brothers and getting to the room housing the bacta tanks is easy. It's not like they're actively trying to conceal the location of the room, so Tech has no dificulty gaining that knowledge.

The rows of bacta tanks is a haunting sight. There's a surprising amount of injured troopers in the tanks, some clearly cadets, but quite a few old enough to already be active in the field. They move quietly between the glass cylinders, knowing they'll get in trouble if they're caught sneaking about.

Tech's heart drops when he spots Wrecker. His injuries look awful under the pale blue light. They can see the full extent of them now, torn skin of full display as it lazily leaks blood into the surrounding bacta. Tech can just make out that Wrecker's hair has been shaved off entirely.

Sleeping on the floor will make Tech feel terrible come morning, but there's no way any of them are leaving Wrecker alone. Tech's vode know that arguing with him about sleeping somewhere more comfortable is futile, so they don't even try.

As predicted, they do get in trouble when a member of the medical staff finds them in the morning, though the woman is kinder about it than Tech expected. She tells them off for a good while, but seems to focus more on the fact that it was unwise of Tech to sleep so rough in the state he is in.

She escorts Tech back to the medical bay, whilst his brothers are sent to go about their day normally.

Far too soon, just about a day later, Wrecker is removed from the bacta tank. Tech's alone when he's stationed in the bed next to his. Wrecker's still out cold, bandages covering large portions of his left side. When a medical droid changes them Tech catches a glimpse of still raw looking skin underneath.

When Wrecker wakes, Tech is also alone. It's the middle of the night cycle, and Tech's moved one of the chairs his brothers had sat in during the time they visited him to be closer to Wrecker. He'd also tucked Lula under his little brother's good arm.

Wrecker sits up too fast, face scrunching in discomfort. His good hand flies up to prod at the bandages covering the left side of his face. Tech leaps up to pull Wrecker's arm away before he can mess with the dressing.

“Don't do that Wrecker.” Tech says, keeping his voice soft.

In response, Wrecker flops back down onto the bed, clutches Lula and curls up on his uninjured side. His uncovered eye is unfocused as it watches Tech. It's evident they gave Wrecker rather strong pain medication.

“Everything hurts an' I can't see or hear cause of this stupid thing.” Wrecker complains, gesturing at the covered half of his face.

“The bandages aren't why you can't see or hear, kih'vod.“ Tech says. “You sustained permanent damage to your eye and ear during the explosion.”

“Oh.” A look of confusion crosses Wrecker's face as his pain addled and drugged mind works to comprehend the information presented. Guilt grips Tech stronger than ever. “Okay.”

“For what it's worth, which I am afraid is very little, I am sorry.” Tech is uncertain what to do, so he places his hand over Wrecker's carefully.

“Wha' are you sorry for?” Wrecker says, voice genuine as ever. “Dragged my sorry shebs outta there, didn't you?” So he had been conscious enough to grasp some of what was happening.

“I'm still sorry.” Tech shakes his head.

Wrecker gasps suddenly, sitting up too fast again. Tech's just about to ask what's wrong, already considering a variety of answers, when Wrecker speaks.

“You're hurt! You gotta lay down Tech.” Wrecker's single visible eye is blown wide, and his brow furrowed, an expression that surely can't be comfortable with that injured of a face. The large clone then seems to consider something, before moving aside on the bed somewhat. “You could lay here, if you like.”

Tech's about to protest, argue he doesn't need the rest, that he doesn't want to take away from Wrecker's space, but the thought of laying down is tempting. Tech's shoulder still feels awful, and he's sore all over. It's also cold in the med bay, and Wrecker's warm. With a nod, he climbs onto the bed.

Wrecker sighs shakily as Tech comes to rest at his side. The medical bay beds feel a lot more comfortable this way, Tech finds.

Tech can't say when he fell asleep, but he is woken by the whirring of a medical droid and Wrecker moving. Tech stands up immediately.

Wrecker's moved up the bed, shaking his head vigorously, knees halfway drawn to his chest.

“Hold still, or you will be sedated.” The medical droid chides, steadily moving towards Wrecker, hypo in hand. Wrecker whimpers. By the looks of it, next move that droid makes, it's going to be met with Wrecker's fist. Tech extends his arm between the two.

“May I administer that?” Tech asks. The droid just stares at him. “He will hold still if I'm the one to do so.” The droid stares a little longer, but eventually places the hypo in Tech's hand. Tech checks the label as me moves closer to Wrecker, making sure it is indeed something against the pain like he'd assumed.

Wrecker only looks marginally less distressed, still shaking his head. “No, Tech, please.”

“It's alright Wrecker, it's just painkillers. Look.” Tech holds up the hypo, displaying the label, rubbing his thumb across it to prove it hasn't been used to cover a different inscription on the container. “It will help.”

Wrecker looks apprehensive, but he exposes his neck none the less. With a verbal warning, Tech brings the hypo to his brother's neck. Wrecker hisses, pulling a face, but doesn't complain further.

As the droid starts changing Wrecker's bandages, Tech interrupts the task by holding his arm out again. The droid makes an annoyed noise.

“Allowing me to handle this as well will significantly reduce the stress and frustration experienced by all parties involved.”

The medical droid pauses, observing Tech. “No. Don't interrupt my work again.”

Tech huffs, doesn't say anything further. He stands close to Wrecker though, ready to stop the droid if it does anything either of them don't like. Wrecker seems to understand what Tech is doing, still tense, but relaxing somewhat.

Wrecker's good eye flicks back and forth between watching the droid and looking at Tech. With that nervous expression on his face, it's easy to see how young Wrecker is. None of them should have sustained such a devastating injury this early into their active duty. Tech sighs.

“Can you tell me what my eye looks like?” Wrecker asks when the medical droid starts working on his face.

“The eye is beyond saving Wrecker. It will most likely be removed entirely.” Tech says.

“Yeah, yeah, I know that.” Wrecker sighs. “It just feel bad, and I wanna hear your option on it.” The droid somehow manages to look offended at Wreckers words.

“Alright.” Tech moves to get a better view of Wrecker's face, making the droid make another annoyed noise at Tech crowding its space. Tech cringes at the sight of Wrecker's injuries. A large portion of his face will be scarred permanently, his hair will likely no longer grow neatly on the left side. When Wrecker opens his eye, Tech inhales sharply.

“That bad?” Wrecker laughs.

“It's already been removed.” Tech states, once again appalled by the medical staffs complete lack of transparency in regards to the procedures they conduct.

“What?” Wrecker tries to touch his face, but Tech and the medical droid stop him.

“CT-9903, refrain from contaminating the wound.” The droid says, tone almost threatening. Wrecker doesn't say another word in the droids presence.

Tech sits down on the bed again once the droid has left, leaning his head lightly against his brother's shoulder. “I'm greatly displeased by the medical staff neglecting to inform you of the surgery performed on your eye.”

Wrecker sighs. “S'not that big a deal. It was gonna come out either way. It'll be replaced by a cybernetic, right?” Wrecker bumps his head against Tech's lightly, grinning. “That'll be cool.”

Tech can't help a smile, though he doubts it'll be as cool as Wrecker imagines it to be. The Kaminoans cut corners where ever they can if it saves them credits. Tech vows to make sure Wrecker's new eye functions well, even if he has to adapt it himself.

“Did they shave my head?” Wrecker's running his hand over his head.

“Yes.” Tech answers, knowing well his brother already figured that out himself.

“Do I look good bald?”

“You do not look any worse than you did before.” That gets Wrecker to laugh loudly.

“Good thing Hunter didn't get caught in that explosion. He'd have killed them!”

Tech shakes his head, laughing quietly. “Yes, he most certainly would have.”

[journalofawinchester]

Hey SPN fans!

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a few weeks; I have been very busy - I have been going through all of the bonus material from the Supernatural 1-15 Blu-Ray set and I came to the conclusion that my hand made journal was too dark! In my opinion, the journal screencaps I originally took from Season 1 appeared much darker than other seasons, but in some of the bonus material I was able to see the journal's truer colour and it's much lighter than what I ended up with...

So...I just couldn't carry on without starting again...very frustrating and annoying but I couldn't stop thinking about it. This time around I went with 1.5mm thick veg leather instead of 4mm thick cowhide, just purely because it was an absolute nightmare to stitch the first time around - I didn't use a stitching pony or any power tools and was entirely by hand. I also got some better, sharper leather piercing forks which had a much more circle cut opposed to my original slanted holes.

So attempt 2 went very well; learning from mistakes from the first time around. I stayed up all night to get the stitching done and I was very pleased with the result...

The following day I tackled the dyeing process. I went straight in with a dark brown the first time; but knowing now that the journal is actually much lighter than first thought, I used saddle tan from Fiebing's. I applied a base coat in circular motion and left it for a few hours to sink in. I then used a light brown standard dye from Fiebing's and dyed just in certain places, to give the journal a slight worn/distressed look as in the show.

I also bought extra leather this time around in case I mucked up, but I am pleased to say it came out very well - here it is:

I have transferred all the content and pins to the newly finished one and I am much happier about it!

I may, at some point, when I have some time, make another one with the spare leather and put it up for sale on my Etsy shop. Maybe.

I will try my best to post more pages as soon as I can. I am still working hard on other things relating to Supernatural; I now have 19 items available on Etsy from ID cards to book covers to passport props, Journal content and more. Please check it out if you can!

I'm also offering 20% off at the moment for Christmas. Please send me a message if you'd like the discount code!

[ericapooh]

Consider me (Bakugo x Fem! reader)

Here's another long ass story from me. Bakugo x Fem!reader. You were the new girl in UA and you've instantly caught the eye of the "Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight". Even he was surprised too. This is just a fluff story of how I think you're love story with Bakugo will blossom. I hope you'll enjoy it.

Part 1-The Invitation

The tiny clock on your desk read 08:30 PM. Homework has kept you from mingling with your classmates in the common room since 7:30 PM.

'Wow!'

You thought, not expecting that it's already been an hour since you started on your school work but still haven't finished. 

Although it was a Friday night, your teachers didn't hold back in giving you things to do before the weekend. Luckily for you, you were the type of person who likes to spend her weekend however she pleases, so you made it your goal to finish everything tonight.

You were a 2nd year student at UA who just transferred recently from Shiketsu High School, which is located in the western side of Japan, due to your parents relocating because of work. The news of the move was heartbreaking for you because that would mean you'd have to leave your friends. 

Starting anew was always daunting, but you had to face it, since your dad's current company have closed due to some issues and his new job required that he be situated near his work place.

You did thought to keep on studying in Shiketsu High School, but the commute would be very tiring it was one the opposite east side of Japan, opposite your new home, Musutafu in Shizuoka Prefecture. Which means to you had to transfer to UA.

The first day of class as a new girl was always nerve racking, but you were welcomed with open arms by your new classmates and that made it easy for you to adapt to your new environment. Of course, you still kept in touch with your friends in Shiketsu but your new friends were very nice to you and they made you feel that you belong.

You were now getting started on your Modern Hero Art History when you heard a knock on your door.

'Who could that be?'

You thought as you stood up to answer the door and to your surprise it was Bakugou Katsuki. 

What was he doing here? 

With eyes growing wide, you gasped at his surprise visit. 

Who wouldn't be surprised? The person that you've been crushing on since day one just suddenly showed up on your door step. Anyone would be caught off guard!

Yet here he was, standing in front of you, all 172.2 cm of his gloriousness. 

'It's him! IT'S HIM!! Why is he here?!'

'OMG! OMG! OMG!'

A sudden 'ahem' from Bakugo brought you back down to earth from cloud 9.

Bakugo:

"Um ... "

 Obviously nervous for having to do what he needs to do right now and just the sight of you makes his knees wobble, he attempted to speak in a shaky voice, hoping that you wouldn't hear how loud his heart was beating.

He drew a deep breathe and exhaled to calm himself down before trying again.

Bakugo:

"Hi, L/N-san. Um ... I know you're wondering why I'm here. There is something that I wanted to tell you ... and that's ... Will you go out with me?"

Finally! He finally did it! He said it! He was glad to have taken another deep breathe before asking as it gave him an ounce of courage to speak up.

And now for your reply.

Y/N:

"Hmmm?"

That was all you could manage because truthfully, you saw his mouth moving that told you that he was definitely saying something but none of it reached your ears due to the deafening sound your heartbeat.

Bakugo:

"Will you go out on a date with me?"

After repeating his invitation, his heart beat somehow changed it's rhythm. He was a nervous wreck before coming to talk to you but now even more so. 

Fear was familiar to him, it fueled him to be more brave, and he had no problems overcoming it. But this fear he feels now is different. It's as if, for the first, he was genuinely scared. Scared because of you, of how you would respond. Scared of being rejected, he wouldn't know how to get over it if you did.

Anticipation emanated on his face.

At last, you got out of your daze and finally heard what he was saying.

Y/N:

"Out?"

Well, most of it.

Bakugou:

"Yes. Will you go out with me, L/N-san?"

If you haven't noticed anticipation painting his face, you certainly heard it.

And then it struck you.

Y/N:

"What?"

Are you hearing this correctly? The Bakugo Katsuki asked you  out! You wanted to scream.

Were you dreaming? Is this a prank?

Y/N:

"Why?"

You blinked in confusion because this was so unreal. Why would he want to ask you out?

He was certainly taken aback by your question. Was his question really that difficult? 

Bakugo:

"'Why'? Because ... Well ..."

(A/N: please don't mind the background in the image. I'm using his expression. thanks.)

He was lost for words. 

'Why? What do you mean Why?'

To simply say that he likes you would be an understatement. He doesn't know what it's called exactly. All he knows is that he feels it for you and he couldn't help it.

Bakugo:

"Look! I don't know 'why', okay? Will you go out with me or not?"

If he sounded impatient, he didn't mean it. He was just getting anxious now that you might say 'no'.

You lowered your gaze showing to think whether to accept his invitation or not.

Y/N:

"Um ... I don't know."

There it was. You don't know.

Of course! What was he expecting?

Why in the world would you give him a chance?

To him you're a goddess. Out of all the girls he has met, you were incomparable to them. 

You didn't even need to try. Just the sight of you was breathtaking. Not to mention your smile. And when you look his way, he swears, he wanted to be in that moment forever. 

And him? 

He was just a loudmouthed gremlin who couldn't care less about what people say or think about him and that would be enough to turn you off. So why would you even consider liking him? 

Although he was one of the top student in your class, he wasn't conceited about it and according to his mom he was handsome. Sure, he has a scar on his face, but he wears it proudly. Who wouldn't be proud of it? He fought OFA and won! 

Tears slowly start to form behind his eyes because realizing that you might not feel the sameway is painful but he held it back as best as he can.

Y/N:

"I mean ... Well ... It's not that I 'don't' want to go out with you. It's just ..."

Was he hearing it correctly? You're hesitating?

'What does she mean? Do I have a chance?' 

Hope began to spring inside his chest and he was quick to blink away the urge to cry.

Bakugo:

"What do you mean?"

It was no joke. He started to feel warm inside. 

Y/N:

"I mean ... I'm not saying that you're a terrible person. No. No! In fact, I think you're wonderful! I mean, you're one of the best in our class and I believe that you'll become a great hero. Our classmates are witness of that. And not to mention that your getting higher grades than me and you're not conceited is definitely something I admire about you."

It was his turn to be speechless. 

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did you just compliment him? And somehow you seemed to not realize that you did.

Bakugo guessed that that's one of the things he likes about you, your honesty. You were not afraid to say what you think or feel. According to him, you were brave that way.

Realizing what you just said and the fact that you can't take it back now, you just decided to ask him again.

Y/N:

"It's just that ... are you sure? About me?"

The hesitancy in your voice was clear. Why would you ask him that?

Besides pursuing his dream of becoming the number 1 hero, he was sure about this, about you. Then why would you ask him that?

Why would he even bother allowing sleepless nights with the thoughts of you and pluck up the courage to ask you so that Kaminari, Sero, Kirishima, and Ashido would stop nagging him about it if he wasn't sure?

Bakugo:

"I'm not sure I follow you. What do you mean am I sure about you? Why would you ask me that?"

He was honestly confused because to him you were perfect. It was him who feels unworthy of even talking to you.

Y/N:

"Um ... I just ... Your this and ... I'm ...  This."

As best as you could, you explained whilst gesturing to him and then to you as if that got your point across.

But it didn't. It was clear on the bewildered look that he was giving you. 

What you wanted to say was why would he want to go out with you?

You never really did get high marks but you never got any failing grades in any of your subjects. Although, you believed that your not strong enough yet to become the hero that you always wanted to be and that made you insecure. Of course, you give it your best when doing hero training but you pale in comparison to Bakugo's strength. 

Your inferiority makes you want to compare yourself to your other classmates it scares you to think that that might push Bakugo away and make him realize that you're not the type of person that he thought you were.

What's more difficult is that you don't know how to explain it to him.

You could only sigh in exasperation because your insecurities are making it hard for you elaborate what you wanted to say.

Y/N:

"Do you have your phone with you?"

Instead, you asked him as if out of nowhere with your palms open. Luckily enough he brought his phone with him and placed it in your hand without questioning you as to why.

The confused look on his face didn't not disappear, in fact it only deepened due to your action. So, you gave him an explanation all the while putting in your phone number.

Y/N:

"I'm sorry I couldn't give you an answer right now, Bakugo. I really don't like making rash decision and then wasting both our times. Is it okay if I think about your invitation some more before giving you an answer? I just ... hate being unsure of things and end up regretting in the end."

Your words stung him a little but he understood what you meant as he too did not like making decisions rashly.

In dejection, he nodded his head slowly as an answer to your question without even meeting your eyes.

Bakugo:

"Yeah. Okay. Good night."

Keeping his head down, he trudged toward the elevator. 

It's as if his heart was smashed into a million pieces and the pieces gathered in his feet and that made them feel heavy. 

'Oh no!'

You were worried that you might have hurt his feelings. Did he misunderstood what you just said?

Y/N:

"Bakugo!"

Calling out to his crestfallen-retreating-form, which pained you to watch, but you were glad that he still turned his to look at you.

Were you going to say that you changed your mind and that you have made a decision?

'Please, let that be it!'

Was he begging now? He hated begging! But if that's what it takes for you to say yes, he will be willing to get on his knees. That's how bad he has it for you. 

Y/N:

"Please text me your number and I promise, I'll let you know. I just don't want you to regret asking me out."

Those were your last words before closing your door.

Again. What did you mean by that? 

He didn't know that asking a girl out could be this tiring. 

Apparently, he just has to be patient with you and wait for your response. Hopefully you'd accept.

With his heavy heart, he turned to the elevator once more while searching for the number you saved on his phone. When he found your number, he was shocked by the contact name that you saved.

If he was confused a few seconds ago he was baffled now. But then again, he took it as a good omen and continued to tap on the call icon to let your phone ring on your side but quickly ended it. 

Now you have his number, he thought. 

'I hope you will really think it through and consider me.'

The elevator doors opened and Bakugo hopped in pressing "go up" button to return to his dorm floor.

================================================

Master List

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I know this story is long. I just couldn't help. 

Anyway, thank you for giving this a read and I hope you liked it!

Stay safe.

[goldensunflowers98]

Ceasefire ( Draco Malfoy )

Chapter One

I wasn't surprised when I was put in Hufflepuff.

I was raised from birth by pureblood Hufflepuffs. I was raised to be kind, loyal, true, and a hard worker. I could be shy but I was a good listener. I followed directions and completed my tasks to the best of my ability. People trusted me and from what I could tell, they liked me.

Heck, my parents named me Aurora Dove Goldenrod. How much more of a Hufflepuff name is that?

The sorting hat didn't even hesitate. It was barely touching the hair on my head when it shouted-

"HUFFLEPUFF."

The words bounced off the walls of the dining hall and I smiled, filled with glee as the Hufflepuff table erupted into thunderous applause.

I was so happy that I almost didn't acknowledge the quiet murmur from the sorting hat - the tone warning. "You do good to remember that fact once your real test in life begins."

My smile almost faltered at that but I nearly skipped to the Hufflepuff table despite the cautious message.

I was a 5th year transfer from Beauxbatons but my parents went to Hogwarts so I knew some about the school. I knew Gryffindors were brave and Harry Potter belonged to that house. I knew if I needed help on a test to go straight to Ravenclaw. And I knew to steer clear of Slytherins at all costs.

"I knew she was a Hufflepuff the second I laid eyes on her. She could never make it in Slytherin. Just look at her-" A bleach blonde boy with a sinister smirk on his face made the Slytherin table behind me snicker to themselves, their eyes glaring into the back of my head.

I shifted uncomfortably and gasped, turning blood red as I overheard a boy next to the blonde whisper, "Nice ass on her though."

"Ignore them." I jumped as a dark headed, grey eyed boy next to me began to speak, turning to look up at him. "I'm Cedric. Cedric Diggory. It's nice to meet you."

"Aurora Goldenrod," I beamed, reaching out to shake his hand. "Pleased to meet you too."

He laughs for a second, his eyes sparkling. "I see why the hat didn't hesitate."

I smiled, tucking my brunette hair behind my ear as the rest of the first years were sorted. I clapped as our house received three more students and our table eagerly adopted them into the group.

"Let the feast begin," Dumbledore's gentle voice spoke and a banquet of food appeared on the table.  We all ate, talking loudly, buzzing with excitement for the new year. Once we finished, we were told to follow our house prefects to our dormitory and common room. I'm not shocked as it's Cedric who is our prefect and he begins to show us the way.

"The Hufflepuff common room is located in the basement, next to the kitchens. I know it sounds scary near the dungeons but it's actually quite warm down here. It can get a bit drafty up in the towers. Follow me," he spoke, leading us down long corridors and down moving staircases.

I was in awe of the castle. Sure, Beauxbatons was nice but Hogwarts was regal and full of history.

We finally arrived to a room that was in a nook on the right-hand side of the kitchen corridor and behind a stack of barrels was our entrance. He explained there was no secret password but a pattern we needed to remember. We had to tap the second barrel from the bottom in the middle of the second row, in the rhythm of Helga Hufflepuff.

"If you mess it up, this top barrel will open and cover you in vinegar so please try to watch carefully." Cedric warned as I grimaced at the thought.

I tried to remember that, my face concentrating as he showed us three separate times without actually opening the door yet. Perhaps he saw my focused expression because he chuckled to himself before repeating the pattern again and the small door opened to a passage we could crawl through.

Crawling down the tunnel, I'm in awe once again as the scent of gingerbread cookies and spiced cinnamon filled the air. The common room was warm and welcoming, the low ceiling and cracking fireplace making a cozy feeling radiate throughout it. There were a few circular windows that held different plants and pots, the greenery and vines seeming to dance in the sunlit windowsills.

The room was decorated in shades of yellow and golden armchairs and couches around the fire looked so comfortable I knew I could sink into them and fall asleep instantly.

"Alright, girls dormitory's are down that tunnel and boys are this way. Susan, do you mind showing Aurora your room since you are sharing one together."

A girl with a red tint in her hair smiles and nods, stepping forward to make my hand. "I'm Susan Bones. It's nice to meet you! Follow me and I'll show you our room which I think is the best one here," she whispers the last part making me giggle and nod, following her down another winding tunnel.

Our room was lovely, the four poster canopy beds were covered in a golden curtains and a plush beige rug covered the floor so our feet would never be cold. Our trunks were nestled at the foot of our beds and someone had already placed all of our school books on the shelves.

"How sweet!" I said as I noticed my cat, Cashmere, and Susan's cat were cuddled up together on the rug fast asleep.

The rest of the night was filled with hot tea and chocolate chip cookies in the common room while everyone talked noisily, excited for the new school year. I just hope every day was as good as this one but the sorting hats warning lingered in the back of my mind.

_______

I was on the way to Potions the next day when I really met the blonde boy with the crystal clear eyes for the first time.

I was laughing at something Susan said, my books held tight against my chest when I accidentally smacked into a hard wall that I soon discovered was Draco Malfoy's chest. I fell to the ground, my textbooks scattering across the hallway.

"Holy mother of— Ow!" I rubbed my head, face to face with a shining leather shoe.

"Watch where the hell you're going, Hufflepuff," he spat angrily, dusting off his black tailored suit as I scrambled to grab my books.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going," I ignored his tone because I would be annoyed if someone ran into me as well.

I turn to him, my apologetic smile dropping as he hissed, "Obviously. I didn't realize the new girl was such an idiot. Can't even walk in a damn hallway without trying to knock someone over."

"I-I- Hey! At least I apologized! It was an accident. Now, I think you're being the rude one here. I don't think I deserve to be called mean names for an accident," I frowned heavily, Susan gently grabbing my right arm and trying to coax me away from the angry Slytherin boy.

"What's your name then since you don't like the name Idiot so much," He seemed highly annoyed, his lips turned down in a snarl.

"Aurora. Aurora Dove Goldenrod, it's nice to meet-"

"The feeling isn't mutual, you dumb bird. Guess that's why your parents gave you that name, huh?. Fly away now, bird, and stay the fuck away from me."

His shoulder collided with mine roughly and I nearly dropped my books again, his friends snickering as they follow their master down the hallway.

"Well, he was certainly a peach, wasn't he?" I grumble, turning towards Susan who looked like she was about to pee her pants.

"That's Draco Malfoy, Aurora. You just made an enemy of Draco Malfoy," she panicked, intertwining our arms as we begin our quickened pace to Potions before we were truly late.

"An enemy? Surely not. It was an accident. He was just upset, I'm sure." I try to relieve her anxiety but she shakes her head.

"You don't know Malfoy. He's not going to forget that." She said as we made our way into Potions.

She seemed to be right because as we entered, Draco's eyes were on us in an instant. My throat tightened and I tried to swallow to relive the tension as his lips twisted into a sinister smirk and his eyes glinted with mischief at the sight of me. I tried to avoid eye contact as we entered the room and looked for an empty spot.

By the time we sat in our seats, he was twisted nearly all the way around and when I finally made eye contact, his smirk only grew. He looked satisfied with my slightly frightened expression and he sent me a wink before turning back around as a stoic man wearing a black cloak swept into the room.

Alright... Maybe I made an enemy out of Draco Malfoy.

No wonder my mom told me to always stay away from Slytherins. They certainly were moody.

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 18)

Hiya! I'm posting late, on account of my job. Editing these takes about an hour depending on the post and inserting the images takes a little more, but I didn't have a solid block of time to work on it, so I worked on it in pieces and I only just now finished.

This arc highlights Natsume's powerlessness. He's distancing himself from Mikan to protect her, but by doing this, he leaves her defenseless at times. He wants to be there for her but can't because of the corner he's been pushed into, and in his desperation he turns to anonymity.

Chapter Eighty-One

Hotaru, Natsume, and Ruka are running after them, but are caught by Tsubasa, who asks them what their plan is, exactly. Ruka turns to Natsume, who turns to Hotaru, who pretends she was just practicing her running for the Festival and then the boys started following her for no reason. This comic relief is a badly-needed break from all the bullying and blackmail of the arc so far.

This arc is full of fun comic relief, but the main plot is so depressing and frustrating that sometimes the comic relief is not enough.

In any case, all three of them know that the others are all working to take care of Mikan, even if she doesn't know it. They're all looking out for her in their own ways, even Natsume who seems to have publicly turned against her. At least Hotaru and Ruka can see the truth: he's still quite concerned about it, but he's in something of a bind now.

The next we see of Natsume, he’s walking with Tsubasa, being spied on by both Hotaru and Ruka. It’s here that we discover that Tsubasa has been transferred to the DA class, but is keeping this secret from Mikan. Moreover, he and Natsume are on a mission to locate Yuka, and they’re both aware that Mikan is her daughter. It’s interesting to know just how much information the DA class has on the other students that the other kids have no clue about. Hotaru and Ruka are shocked by this information, but for us as readers, it also demonstrates just how much work Natsume--and Tsubasa--are putting into protecting Mikan.

All this information is stuff they have to consider on their missions. They want to protect Yuka, because she’s Mikan’s mother, but they have no choice but to pursue and chase after her with raids and attacks. On top of that, Tsubasa is keeping his new ability class a secret, and Natsume has to hurt her with this Luna farce. It’s a lot to put on two kids, not that the ESP or Persona have much issue putting pressure on kids.

For Natsume in particular, it was fun while it lasted, being close to Mikan. He had relished and enjoyed it, and now he has to change pace. He’s willing to, because that’s how he can keep her smiling and having fun, even if he’s not on her team and can’t even be in her inner circle anymore. He’s willing to sacrifice anything for her, but we can see that it’s not any fun for him. Mikan is suffering in sadness, yes, but so is Natsume.

The next thing he has to do only makes things worse.

He confronts Mikan about the rumor Luna made up, about Mikan showing her underwear to the Fuukitai to avoid punishment. It’s obviously bogus: Mikan would never even think to do that, let alone actually do it. He knows that too, because Natsume knows her very well. He asks because he has to.

Mikan avoids answering, brushing it off as none of Natsume’s business, because she is also under Luna’s watchful gaze. So they end up having an argument in front of everyone, both not saying what they really mean, and instead doing as Luna commands, to keep everyone safe. Mikan points out that she isn’t his partner--or anything--anymore, so he should mind his business. Natsume then asks if that means his concern is a bother, and she confirms: yes. It’s a big fat pain.

It's heartbreaking and frustrating in equal spades.

It’s almost as if Natsume was testing something. Now he knows that Luna must have threatened Mikan in the storeroom. Something sinister happened there, and now Mikan is different, dishonest, mean. That’s not what she’s actually like, and now he’s concerned. Luna’s shadow is spreading and it’s threatening to encroach on Mikan’s light.

Chapter Eighty-Two

Natsume walks off, having heard all he needs to hear.

Luna is causing mayhem and strife to punish Mikan and Natsume specifically for their misbehavior on New Year’s. She wants Mikan to be isolated from Natsume in particular because he’s her number one protector. If there’s a wedge between them, Mikan is easier to target. After all, Mikan’s purpose at the academy is to lure in Yuka, and the more danger she is in, the more likely Yuka is to try and save her daughter. If Natsume is around, threatening Mikan becomes tricky. He’d never allow anything bad to happen to her, hence his desperation and sacrifice in this arc. In order to fulfill their goals regarding Yuka, they need Natsume out of Mikan’s picture.

Of course, despite Natsume’s secret intel being superior to Ruka or Hotaru’s (and definitely to Mikan’s), he’s still not entirely in the know. Yuka being the main target, for example, is information Natsume is not privy to, and couldn’t even imagine. This is a game Natsume is unaware that he cannot win. If he doesn’t distance himself from Mikan, she’ll be threatened, but if he does, she’ll be threatened. In reality, there's no way he can win this round.

Chapter Eighty-Three

Anyway, the Sports Fest doesn’t slow down for the kids’ drama. The athletic meets have begun, and now there is a relay race.

Ruka and Natsume are on different teams for the relay, and this has inspired Ruka to beat his best friend, so he can be number one in Mikan’s eyes for once.

I will talk way more about the “love triangle” aspect of NatsuMikan and the question of choice, autonomy, and agency in Mikan’s essay, because when it comes to Natsume's side of things, he's very much resigned to losing every romantic game, every relay race, every competition. It's no contest. He's not competing. He's withdrawn from the race, now more than ever. He will not participate. He is destined to lose, after all, so why even bother?

And so Ruka wins the actual relay, and Natsume watches as everyone has fun without him, something that he’s been accustomed to before. It hurts more now, undoubtedly, because for a time, he was actually a part of the group. Knowing what it feels like to fit in and have fun with everyone makes it even worse when it’s gone again. He used to separate himself from the rest and suffer all on his own, but now he’s returned to that state.

He hasn’t quite let go, either. His effort and commitment to the Sports Fest, despite all the drama with Mikan and Luna, demonstrate just how much he actually wants to participate. It’s not about having his friends around him. He actually likes being able to have fun, and be allowed to take part in an event with everyone else, even if he isn’t technically by his friends’ sides.

His bad feelings are only exacerbated by Luna, who shows up to taunt him. He shouldn’t worry about Mikan and Ruka, because they’ll be torn apart eventually. Whatever happiness they find right now is temporary. It won’t last, and Luna will make sure of it.

But Natsume loves both Mikan and Ruka, and that does not reassure him at all. He’s selfless, would rather they be together anyway. In a perfect world, maybe she could pick him, and it makes him sad that the world isn’t perfect and he can’t have what he wants, but he’s always at peace with losing. So he’s not at all comforted by the idea that the happiness his loved ones have found will dissipate in no time.

Chapter Eighty-Four

Luna then giggles, because whether or not Ruka and Mikan’s being split apart will result in Natsume’s happiness is another question entirely. She wants to rub it in that even if Ruka is out of the picture, he can never be with Mikan. Joke’s on her though, because Natsume has already come to terms with this the moment he fell in love with Mikan. He hasn’t been humoring ideas of love confessions and weddings and living happily ever after. It’s outside the realm of possibility, because his circumstances do not allow him much happiness at all.

The future seems bleaker than ever, and knowing that Ruka and Mikan are being kept under watch by the school, Natsume keeps an eye on them too. He’s feeling sad and heart-broken too, of course. He’s not perfect. He can’t erase feelings of jealousy or the ache of unrequited love just because he feels it’s his duty to make peace with them. It hurts, but he’ll carry through. That’s what he’s always done.

But people are gossiping about his presence, putting his position in jeopardy. Luna can’t know he’s still hanging around Mikan, even if Mikan herself is clueless to this. Before he can be discovered, he steals someone’s mask, the mask of a boy named Kusami whose hairstyle looks an awful lot like Natsume’s.

If only he could be allowed to just steal people's identities and not have to face any consequences for it. Alas.

Unfortunately for Natsume, the Borrowing Race is about to begin, and Kusami was arranged to be a participant. He put the mask on to avoid responsibility for his spying, but it’s bit him in the butt now.

Kusami benefits from this, indirectly, since kids who call him moron get the cold shoulder from Natsume, who doesn’t have the same easy-going personality.

It seems nobody actually wants to participate in the Borrowing Race. It’s very personal and vulnerable: you have to borrow a person or item you’d least want to borrow, as dictated on a small piece of paper assigned to you. It’s then judged by some mind-reading alices to test the validity of the borrowed items. The concept of the race functions around embarrassing and humiliating people, so naturally nobody would want to participate.

Natsume has gotten himself into trouble here. He can’t even make a run for it, though he really wants to, because for some reason people are hell-bent on Kusami competing. He’s in the second round, and starts running as he--or Kusami--is supposed to. He gets his paper and although we don’t see what’s written on it quite yet, we can see a focus on Mikan in one of the panels, so we can tell his first thought is to borrow her.

To confess anonymously in front of the whole school or to not confess anonymously in front of the whole school--that is the question.

And then in a few pages, emboldened by the mask he’s wearing, Natsume runs toward Mikan and grabs her wrist. He’s decided he will borrow her, because maybe she’ll never find out his true identity, and he can be selfish just this once. This could be his only chance ever to be honest about how he feels. He's had to lie and hide it for so long that it makes sense he'd take the first opportunity available to go for it. This is quite possibly the most selfish thing he’s done. If he gets caught, he’ll be entirely exposed.

Unlike Ruka, Natsume can't really win this race. He won't be number one in Mikan's eyes, ever. He can't ever tell her it's all for her. The very best he can do is compete with a mask on. Ruka can try his hardest and impress Mikan and Natsume feels he never will. It's not much of a competition when one person cannot and will not compete.

He runs, despite her confusion and obliviousness, or perhaps because of it.

And just as the fireworks displaying his prompt start going off in the sky, he lets her go and walks away resolutely. There. He’s participated.

“The person you love.”

Mikan is chasing after Natsume, but he can’t be caught. Being caught would ruin everything, and would make his selfish act even more selfish. He shoves the mask back into Kusami’s face, and takes off.

You'd think he'd be a bit happier to have finally confessed his feelings but he just looks miserable.

Natsume has been very selfish now. He didn’t have to grab Mikan. He could’ve borrowed anybody and lost. Does it matter if he wins? He’s not Kusami. He could’ve just gotten the race over with and run away, but instead he played along, because he wanted to confess. He’s never been so honest in his life. He wants her to know he loves her, even if she doesn’t know who “he” is. And if he gets caught, then Mikan will know for a fact that Natsume Hyuuga loves her, and everything he’s done so far--hyping up Ruka, distancing himself, being cruel to protect her, allowing Luna to cling to him--will have been for nothing. She’ll know it was all a ruse, and then she’ll be open to all sorts of dangers. But he risks it, because he just can’t hide it anymore. He always has to hide, always has to pretend, always has to sacrifice his own feelings for the sake of others. This time, he’ll say exactly what he means, made all the more easier by the fact that there’s a mask on his face.

He’s done something like this before, particularly when he kissed Mikan on Christmas.

And the Christmas kiss is nothing compared to this: an actual love confession. The kiss was just that, and he had plenty of excuses for why he’d kiss her. It wasn’t because he loved her, no way! It was because she kept saying the other one didn’t count. Or maybe he just wanted to know what it felt like. That’s all. The excuses were just another mask to hide behind.

What excuse could he possibly give for a love confession that a panel of mind-reading judges corroborated? If he’s caught, she will know.

All his tiny instances of selfishness are smaller examples of the same idea: he lets himself be affectionate for once. He can say he prefers her with her hair down, or hug her during the SA class labyrinth, or cuddle with her when he’s having a nightmare, just this one time, and then he’ll give up for good. She won’t notice. It won’t have an effect. It won’t have consequences. He’ll give up for good after; he’ll just do this one selfish thing and then never again. But he can’t give it up, and eventually Christmas happens. He kisses her, unloading so much affection into one action, as if he’s trying to just get it over with. He’ll just get all his love out with one kiss and then he’ll be okay to watch her fall in love with anybody else but him.

But he can’t. He can’t stop doing these little selfish things. He can’t suffocate his love and leave it to die, hidden and smothered like a skeleton in a closet. Despite his every attempt to kill it, to hide it, to pretend like it’s not important, it has only grown stronger. He loves her more and more everyday, and the more he loves her, the harder it is to pretend like he doesn’t care if he never gets what he wants.

He wants to be with her. He wants to kiss her and protect her openly. He wants to sit next to her in class and smile with her. He wants to spend time with her and be on her team for school events. He wants to hold her hand and tell her he loves her.

He doesn’t want to give it all up and wreck his own chances.

The longer he’s loved Mikan, the harder it’s been to be selfless like this. The yearning has only gotten stronger, and now it takes all his power to be cruel to her. What used to come naturally, like being cold and distant and insulting her, has become difficult. What comes naturally to him now is to confess his love or hold her hand or be around her.

Despite the fact that Natsume was the only person who seems to have borrowed the correct person for the race, the White team still loses, on account of him not actually being Kusami.

At the end of the chapter, he sits alone, brooding in a tree.

He hasn’t been caught, so his actions have no consequences for now. He can sit there and mourn what could have been. He can’t be with Mikan, let alone confess his feelings. This was just an excuse to live out a fantasy. He wants to be loud about his feelings, not muffle them. But this is Natsume we’re talking about. He never gets what he wants. And in his opinion, he shouldn’t because Ruka deserves a happy ending way more. And Mikan would never love him back anyway. Ruka would be better for her.

This is just another instance of Natsume promising himself that he’ll do one more selfish thing before he gives up forever. But we know he’s bad at keeping his word, and this is no exception.

Chapter Eighty-Five

Before Mikan can confront Natsume about the borrowing race, Luna steps in, covering for him, claiming she was watching with him from the bleachers during the race. She clings to his arm and drags him off, spurring even more rumors that he and Luna are an item.

She's so violent with him for really no reason.

He tells her to get off, but she reminds him that she’s just done him a favor (though it’s really just a favor to herself). She grabs his hand and holds it tight, and again people get the wrong idea. It’s interesting how such physically painful things come across as romantic to the people around them, who think that Luna is simply holding his hand. Natsume’s persistent look of misery and apathy doesn’t deter people at all from rumors that he’s dating her. After all, Luna is clinging to him with a smile on her face and he’s not doing anything to peel her off, so it must mean they have feelings for each other. Natsume has been so good at hiding his feelings, that nobody--not even the girl he really loves--knows what it looks like when he’s loving and affectionate to somebody. They think he's into Luna, and can't see that what he really needs is help.

Chapter Eighty-Six

Luna has just arranged a terrifying fall for Mikan, knowing she’d use her alice as a knee-jerk reaction to save herself, thus causing others to think she did it for the attention. Mikan could’ve been seriously injured, or worse, and is definitely in trouble now, so Natsume is furious.

He confronts Luna, and the only thing stopping him from hurting her is that he could put Mikan in even more danger by doing so. But Luna is remorseless, giggling that she had no choice but to threaten Mikan. After all, she’s just doing what the principal said they’d do. Mikan should have been put in Persona’s custody in the DA class immediately following the Hana Hime party incident, but Natsume’s sacrifices have allowed her to skate by. Luna is there to observe and punish what she perceives as bad behavior, and anything less than abject misery from Mikan is bad behavior to her.

She warns Natsume: if he really wants to protect Mikan, then he’ll make sure she’s hated. That way, she won’t be in danger.

Powerlessness.

Natsume can’t go around confessing his love to her with a mask on anymore. He needs to sacrifice their relationship entirely in order to keep her safe. And so he does.

He’s sitting on a bench, surrounded by his classmates. Permy is adamantly defending Mikan. These rumors that Mikan fell on purpose for the attention are obviously stemming from Luna, who has the whole class wrapped around her finger. She turns to Natsume, looking for back-up, but Natsume has been told clearly what to do in order to really protect Mikan, and it has nothing to do with standing up for her against these rumors.

Instead, he says that it’s best not to be involved with Mikan anymore. He doesn’t want to see her or hear about her anymore, and he doesn’t want to associate with anyone who associates with her. He tries to give off the impression that he hates her, that he’s disgusted by her.

Then he sees that she’s been there all along, listening.

This is almost like the scene where he tells her he hates everything about her. He’s doing the hard thing to protect her. He’s lying, willing to hurt her, willing to be the villain, if it means she’s in the light and out of the dark.

But this is different.

Mikan could take it before. She yelled back that she hated him too, just as much, and even though that was a lie, it was still something she was able to say. She could argue and fight. This time she crumbles and runs away.

And he’s different too. Before, he could walk away, resolute and determined. Knowing that she’ll be better off this way was enough for him. He didn’t even look back. This time, he can’t leave things like that.

After all, last time was easier. He didn’t think she actually liked him back then. It would really only hurt him. He knows better now. Mikan cares about him, and it doesn’t matter what shape that care takes. It only matters that hearing Natsume call her worthless brings her to tears now, and that’s enough for him to feel way more conflicted.

This time, he apologizes.

He doesn't say he's sorry, but he's saying he's sorry.

He finds Kusami, steals his mask once again, never saying one word to a kid who has been generously keeping his secret for him. He runs after Mikan, and when he finally catches up to her, he hugs her.

Wearing the mask while hugging her is like wearing a raincoat in a hurricane. It won’t change anything or protect him at all. In fact, all he’s doing is giving her confirmation that it’s him, but he doesn’t care.

He doesn’t want her to think he hates her. He can’t stand it anymore. He’s sorry and he didn’t mean it.

He hugs her and this is different from his selfish hugs during the RPG or when he was having a nightmare. Those were little stolen moments for him to remember. He could take them from Mikan and cherish them as precious memories, even if she never thought of them again. This one is different. This one is for her, to comfort her, to apologize.

It’s all the things he can’t say. I didn’t mean it. Sorry. I have to do this. I really do care about you, I promise. It’s not real. Luna’s making me do this.

But before she can turn around to look at him, he leaves again.

He knows, because of Luna’s warning, that Mikan’s life will only get harder. He wants to help her, but by helping her, he’s placing himself further from her, making it harder for him to protect her in the future. If he’s distant from her to keep Luna at bay, then he’s not around to protect her from Luna in the storeroom, or during the cheerleading competition.

It’s what one might call a Catch-22. No matter what he chooses, he loses. And the worst part is that so does Mikan.

Conclusion

Natsume isn't an active participant in the last few chapters of this arc, so this is how I'll wrap the meta here. In the next arc there will be much to say about him. The Sports Fest went deep into Natsume's love for Mikan. It's not surprising that his love inspires selflessness. Natsume will always put others in front of himself and the more he loves someone, the more fervent he is about self-sacrifice. The truly beautiful thing about Natsume's love for Mikan is that it inspires selfishness too. And I never mean selfish as bad when I'm talking about Natsume. His love for Mikan is special in that it makes him want things for himself too.

I'm having doubts about being able to post tomorrow, so I apologize for only two posts this week. Expect normal posting next week at the very least! This essay is probably more than halfway through already, though I can't say for sure how much is left. Where I am now in terms of essay-writing is already deep in the Time-Travel Arc and as a result there's entire chapters I've skipped. Like. Seven in a row at times. Yikes. So basically we're pretty far in!

<- Previous Next ->

[love-fireflysong]

Okay! Final update (I swear lol) for those who are worried about/invested in my ps4 hard drive issues!

Long story short: my save data is completely unrecoverable. It's gone. I'm completely shit out of luck for recovering pretty much anything on that drive and I have no one to blame but myself.

Learn from my mistakes and take note of these two very important tips I'm about to impart on you.

If you have a ps+ substriction and you turn off the auto upload to the cloud to platinum a game in one playthrough instead of like 3 (like i did) than for the love of all that is holy turn that shit back on the second you finish. I did not do that so all my save data since I finished vampyr a year ago is kaput cause none of that uploaded.

If you start to notice that your ps4 is starting to lag a little bit when on the hud screen or when a game is booting, then that means that hard drive failure is on the horizon and back up your save data ASAP onto a USB drive. My ps4 had been letting me know for weeks now that it was about to bsod me but hindsight is 20/20 as they say 😔

(For those that want to know exactly why all my data is unrecoverable, then all the in depth techy talk about my discoveries over the past couple of days are below the cut)

So first things first: any site or article that promises a way to recover data from a ps4 hard drive is lying through their fucking teeth. Maybe the methods work on an external ps4 hard drive I don't know, but an internal hard drive is GONE baby! Due to the fact that a pc and ps4 format each of their hard drives in completely different ways, neither is readable on the other without reformatting said drive to work. Which *will* completely erase everything that once existed and leave it empty and ready for use. (Which I already knew about going in so I never did that but I figured I would mention just in case someone tries it for themselves)

That being said, lots of programs will scan your hard drive for free and it *is* possible to scan an internal ps4 hdd. It will just appear hidden as a 'lost partition' and unavailable to pick through the files because, once again, the formatting is not native to pcs. BUT, every scan I tried was only able to find *maybe* about 2gb worth of what I knew was a nearly full 500gb hdd.

And while scanning is free, recovering the said files are not. Every program will cost pretty much $100 usd for a months subscription.

And in a test of putting the old hdd into the external hard drive and hooking it up to the ps4 and seeing if i could access my data that way, the answer was also a big fat no. While I did find out that I *could* still use the hard drive as an external if I wanted hilariously enough, it would require me to, once again, reformat the thing so it would work. Also, turns out anyways that a ps4 external hdd only saves the game applications and thats it. No pictures, videos, or save game data: that is all saved to the interior hdd so that method of backing up is a no go sorry to say.

I admittedly have one last method to try, but I don't have high hopes for it though lol. When I next get paid and have money again, I'm gonna call the actual game console repair store that is located in the northern part of my city and see if they can do anything, but I doubt it. Even if they can though, if I'm correct that method will probably cost me like $400 cad to transfer the data to a new hdd that's already formatted to my ps4. Cause it turns out that you can't move hard drives from one console to another, each one is uniquely formatted so putting mine into my roomies would require reformatting the thing so it can be read and used on hers.

But it's my last shot, I just don't have high hopes of it working 😒

[myimaginesandrp]

Force Sensitive Reader Part 6

 Part one 

Summary: Your new life is shaken when a prisoner is brought to the Finalizer. 

Words: 3k 

Warnings: M, angst, etc.

A/N: I decided to split this last part up. Hope you like it :) a bijjillion mistakes as always. 

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Three years. 

It had been exactly three years since you’d flown away from the life you thought you were destined to be in, from the people you loved, the people you thought loved you back. By now you figured they’d be nothing more than a distant memory, if not completely forgotten, but that wasn’t the case at all. Those pleading brown eyes that you missed more than anything burned in the back of your mind as you lost yourself in the vastness of space before you. 

The dark emptiness reminded you of him every time you looked out a viewport, reminded you of  why you’d left it all behind. The Resistance was nothing more than a memory now, but you could still hear his voice calling out to you, echoing  through your thoughts uninvited. The memory was hazy in your mind, but you still remembered. How could you not? He was your first love. He never cried before, but you could still see the glistening trail of tears running down his cheeks as you tore away from him and into the never-ending expanse of space. 

Today was your anniversary, and it just so happened that your heart bled with pain just as it did when it was first broken. It was making your mind flood with memories you’d much rather forget. Some wounds just never healed. And these memories happened to be the reason why you were stuck in the base instead of running head first into the action below. 

Commander’s orders. 

You balled your hands into fists as you stood in front of a viewport,  looking out into the abyss that adorned your home. If you could even call the cold metal structure a home. The finalizer was nothing compared to the base you’d be moving into soon, but it was frigid enough to remind you that this was the First Order. The small room you found yourself in was your personal escape from the flurry of action happening outside. It was small and grey with a refresher and a bed so big it took up half the room. A funny thing it was, since you didn't get much use out of it. Sleeping was your least favorite activity now a days since all it did was rob your peace with the nightmares that came along with it.  Aside from a small shelf with a couple of trinkets, the room remained bare and clean. You liked it that way, especially since a lot of things tended to be thrown around lately. It wasn’t paradise, but it was enough. The best part was no one dared bother you in here.

The commander was the only one bold enough to waltz into your quarters whenever he wanted. That was given your unusual relations with the fella. He’s the one who’d gifted it to you, after all. The room wasn’t the only thing he’d given you. Ever since that night long ago when you swore loyalty to him, you climbed the ranks of the order very quickly. Being an Admiral came with many perks. Respect, that was honestly just fear, but you liked to think you were the most approachable of the people in your rank. Access to any ship you wanted, free reign to see anything in the galaxy. But today none of that mattered, because Kylo kept you grounded like a child and it made your blood boil. 

 Footsteps echoed in the hall outside as the small fleet of storm troopers prepared themselves for the mission ahead. They were scrambling to gather as many people as possible since most of the others were out transfering to Star Killer Base. You’d never been there personally, but from what you knew, this was gonna change the war, and by default, your sleeping arrangements. It was time for a little change anyway. 

The viewport from your quarters was just large enough for you to see the planet in the near distance. Jakku. The desert planet used to be lush and green many years before, before war hit it. Now it was just a shipwrecked wasteland, but oh was it a treasure to you now. 

Tuanul was especially hard to find, but alas the village was well in our radar now. Tuanul, where the fragment piece of the map to Skywalker was. The one you’d spent the last five years looking for, and now it was just within your grasp.

It was about time you had gathered intel from the Resistance. It had been weeks and you’d finally located in the Western Reaches on the Inner Rim. Of all places it had to be out here. It was a hard earned fight you were particularly proud of. The resistance fighters were growing bold and reckless. Still, you’d managed to intercept the intel in spite of Black Leader becoming the biggest nuisance to your cause. 

Hot anger ran through your body at the thought of you missing him and these days you flew side by side. He didn’t deserve your thoughts, he didn't deserve your love, much less your pity. You were about to end him and everything he believed in and he deserved it. He betrayed you, and finding Skywalker first would be the little justice you deserved. That’s what you told yourself anyway. 

As you paced from one end of the viewport to the other, you saw the cluster of TIE fighters swirling in and out of the station. Any moment now they’d leave and if Kylo had anything to say about it, we’d be a step closer to finishing this whole mess. The cycle was almost over, the dark shadow of the night slowly engulfed the planet into the bitter darkness surrounding it. Any moment now.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sudden shift in energy outside. You always sensed him long before he entered the room, the sound of scurrying footsteps were a dead giveaway. His presence was so loud, even though he was silent most of the time. Everyone was so damn afraid of him nowadays, he was so easily irritated. The closer you seemed to get to Skywalker, the more unstable and short tempered he got and just about everyone tried and failed to stay out of his way. Even your walls fell victim to his rage not long ago; the smell of burnt metal still lingered if you stood too close.

You pulled your thoughts together to focus on the present. He’d be angry if he knew what you were thinking about, and you weren’t gonna give him the satisfaction of being right to keep you in the finalizer. You scrambled to run different scenarios in your head, the ones that he liked. You needed him in a good mood. It was useless to try and persuade him to let you go, you knew how stubborn he was, but damn it if you weren’t worse. 

The door opened with a hiss but  you didn’t bother to look back, not until you heard it close behind him with a loud thud. He was standing in your personal space when you turned to face him. His mask was looming over you, almost matching with the dark abyss outside. There in the reflection you could see your own eyes staring back at you, pale and lifeless. He didn’t speak, always one to let you imprison yourself with your own words. 

“I should be going in that fleet” you said, stepping away from him to look out the viewport again. 

“Your thoughts are exceptionally loud today” the too familiar sound of his voice modulator rang behind you. He watched as your body tensed in front of him, just the response he was expecting from you. It was comical how well he knew you. But he wasn’t smiling, not when he sensed your inner conflict all the way across the ship. 

“They’re always loud before a mission,”  you said trying to defend yourself. “Just so happens all my planning is going to waste”.  You folded your arms against your chest, mostly to keep the illusion that you had yourself under control. 

“You’re needed here” he said. That was a lie. You curled your lip as you turned to face him again hoping he would notice it, but you knew it made no difference to him. He knew what you’d been thinking about, as he always did. There really wasn’t a single thing you could hide from him.

“Y/N” His gloved had reached up to cup your cheek before his fingers trailed down your jaw. They lingered on the scar that ran up from jaw up to your lip. The walls weren’t the only things that fell victim to his rage. Just so happened you had to learn the hard way one time too many.  

“Commander” You bit your lip to stop it from trembling because even though you'd been so careful, Poe’s face flashed into your mind. It was only for a moment, but he saw it, you knew. You could sense him change immediately. His grip tightened around your whole jaw. When he spoke his voice was deeper, and sharp and you knew you were not winning this time. 

“When I’m back I'm gonna make sure my name is the only thing in your mind” your breath hitched when the leather brushed against your throat. In spite of yourself you felt a chill run down your back at the thought of what was waiting for you this evening. It should make you feel sick, but your body responded to his touch in ways you wish it didn’t. 

“Yes commander” you said. He kept you there for a tense moment until the growing number of footsteps outside reminded you both what needed to be done. With one last squeeze he brushed his thumb over your scar. A sigh left you when his hand finally pulled away from you. 

“Happy anniversary ” he said, calling out behind him as he turned to leave, leaving you in stunned bitter silence. Only the trailing ends of his cape lingered behind him as the swish of the metal door closed you in.

 You let out a groan and turned to face the viewport once again, your fingers gripping onto the metal framing it. Maker, were you in for it now. Acquiring the fragment piece of the map was your only hope. Your eyes followed the small fleet of ships as they made their way from the station, weaving forward as the remaining bit of light of the planet was finally engulfed by the darkness surrounding it. 

---

Time always passed slowly in the finalizer. An hour, a cycle, it was always an eternity for you, especially when you needed answers. Especially today when you were so close to getting what you needed. Especially now that all your hard work for the past three years was on the line and you couldn’t even see it unfold before your eyes. And especially when the people in charge of having your plans go through were a small fleet of stormtroopers who, for the most part, worked in sanitation. Time was ever so slow, even when you’d been watching out the viewport for the past four hours and the numbers on the hologram said only 30 minutes had passed. 

It was a good thing you’d been called to oversee new transport plans for the new base or else you’d have lost your mind by now. The quiet taps of the people moving  around you was relaxing and for once in a long time you found yourself enjoying the work. The air was still heavy from anticipation, but the atmosphere always changed when the commander was gone. The promise of Kylo coming into your quarters this evening had you on the edge, but this little distraction reminded you of all the people who depended on you to survive. 

Time always passed slowly, but somehow it pushed forward. After what seemed like an eternity later, the alarms began to blare around the station. The sudden shift in energy pulled you into action. Several medical droids were dispatched to the ship hangar and the hallways rushed into a frenzy of people. 

You pushed forward, wanting to head straight to Kylo and ask how the mission went, but you were needed in the med bay. It never got easier, seeing so many wounded people crying out for help. For a time you’d turned numb to it, and you liked it that way. You could work and help people one after the other without letting any attachment get in the way. But as of late it seemed harder and harder to ignore the pain that flowed through the rooms after the battles. Still the rush of working in the medical bay made time fly by and soon you were so consumed in your work that the outcome of the mission was almost forgotten. 

Hours later as you made your way back to your quarters, the buzz of the hallways seemed to die down to a low murmur. A side from a small group of medical droids returning to their stations, they remained empty. By the time you neared your quarters, the sound of your boots clicking the floor was the only sound that echoed through the corridors.

You didn’t sense him at first. The quiet moans that filled your mind seemed to pass off as the cries from the recently wounded fleet. But you’d been so good at zoning them out. No this one was different. This one had such a strange familiarity to it that you just couldn’t place. 

You didn’t sense it until your skin was crawling down your back. Until your feet seemed to guide you down the wrong hallways.The walls shifted around you, to a darker sound proof material you had seen only once. Only once because one time was enough to drag you away from this part of the ship forever. Yet here you went, following the muffled voice in your head. Down and down until the only rooms that stood in front of you were the interrogation rooms. 

At the end of the hallway you were met with two stormtroopers stepping out of one of the rooms.The pristine white on their hands and arms were soiled with fresh blood splatters that didn't belong to either of them. As you approached you tried to remember the last time the order had taken a prisoner. Most of the time Kylo made short work of the enemy and took them out. Who could possibly be important enough to keep around? 

“Admiral” The short breath coming from one of the stormtroopers made your eyebrows raise in suspicion. They looked at each other, unsure of what to do. As if you’d caught them in the middle of something no one should have seen. 

“Girls” you said, nodding towards the room “What’s going on?” After a short pause one of them decided to speak up, only for the other to raise her hand to stop her. Clearly they’d gotten orders to keep things classified. With a wave of a hand you stepped towards them. There was only one way you were getting anything out of them. 

“Go on, you can tell me” you said in a sickly sweet voice. Their shoulders immediately slumped, letting you know the trick was working

“The mission was a bit of a failure ma’m. We didn’t find the fragment piece”You frowned, trying very hard not to have an episode in front of them. 

The mission was a failure. The words rang in your mind for a moment as you watched the pair in front of you cower in fear. Such as it was when they were forced to inform their superiors of bad news, but there was more they weren’t telling you. You pushed your pride aside for a moment. If we didn’t find the piece fragment what had they found?

“We took in prisoners?” Again they looked at eachother. One began to fidget her feet with the ground, not wanting to look directly at you. You raised your eyebrows, waiting for them to give you an answer.

“Y-yes ma'am just one” said the one of them. The other looked around as if someone was about to pop out of the wall and discover them. They were too paranoid, and you needed to know why. 

“Who?” you said as you took a step towards the room. With trembling legs they both followed your move, stepping in between the room and yourself. You looked them both over surprised at how bold they were to get in your way. Any other superior would have ended them by now, and if you weren’t so curious to know who the prisoner was, you’d have done it too. 

“Commander Ren ordered that no one was to speak to the prisoner ma'am” The nervous one blurted out before shrinking away behind her companion. Well that explained it. 

“I don’t plan on speaking to him,” you said with a dark laugh. But when you tried to step forwards they blocked you again.

“We insist,” they said. The noise of their voice modulators rang down the corridor. For a moment you considered their insolence and you almost snapped their necks there and then, but you could sense their fear. Kylo must’ve done his work on them already. In spite of your depleting patience, you took a deep breath through your nose and looked them over. 

“Very well,” you said, waving your hand in front of them. If they weren’t telling you anything, you'd see it yourself.  “It is alright that I go see the prisoner” Their whole body relaxed at your words and you let yourself smile.

“Admiral you can go see the prisoner,” said one of them with a nod.

“You will both leave and take a lap around the ship”

“We’re gonna go take a lap around the ship m’am” said the nervous one. 

“A big lap, maybe two” the other agreed. 

“Very well then, on your way” you said, gesturing for them to make their way past you. You shook your head and watched until they were out of sight. They were too easy sometimes.  Once you decided no one else would bother you, you took a deep breath and made your way down the corridor until you found the room you were looking for. 

One step is all it took. One step into the room and you sense him. You sense his discomfort and your eyes trail the room until they land on the interrogation chair in front of you. The prisoner was facing away but you knew, you knew when you’d seen the messy curls resting on top of his head. You knew when you saw the outline of his face peek from behind the metal. And you knew and your heart shattered when a quiet moan filled in the silence of the room. 

“Y/N”

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Part 7 here

Tags:  @country-cowgirl-101​ @nicci442​ @clumsycopy​ @commondazy​ @acehyacinth​ @stumbleonmywords​ @razetheentireworld @chewymoustachio​ @treestarrrrrrrr​

 (Let me know if you wanna be added or removed pls)

Thanks for reading! Requests are always open :)

[nic-214]

70s Jimercury: Model

Art Credit: Darlingfreddie (Tumblr)

Modern

70s Freddie

70s Jim

70s Roger

70s Brian

Freddie thanks Peter for the ride as he arrives at the morning agency. His camera bag clangs against his jean leg, "I'll pay you for gas after work." Fred tells him.

Peter nods lighting a cigarette, "You better or it will be public transport for you.'' he jokes.

Freddie fakes offence and they laugh, "Catch you at 6 hopefully Diva isn't in today."

"He's the worse." Peter laughs shaking his head recounting the stories Fred told him of Diva Taylor.

Freddie wishes him well and heads to the building. It was a sister location of the old one he had a contract in, the original relocated further away and Fred got transferred here. He made quiet the name for himself throughout his five year career.

He enters the new building he reads the secretary nameplate, "Mary Austin". He sighs and fixes his bag, "Ms. Austin where's, Mr. Hutton's room?"

She gives him a pretty smile showing her perfect teeth, "Mr. Hutton is on the second floor room B-485." she twirls some of her blond hair with her finger she leans in some so her cleavage can be seen, "You're the photographer right?"

Freddie gives her a nod and lifts his camera bag up.

"Maybe you can take some pictures of me after hours." she says flirtatious.

Freddie shakes his head, "Sorry I'm not into blonds. Too messy." he flees up the stairs.

Mary sits there looking confused.

.......

The young man reads over the door plates trying to find the right one. Some days he wished he read through his papers more thoroughly. Finally he finds the room and enters it. The room looked like it could belong on Pinterest by how it is decorated and set up. He assumes it's a female model he'll be working with for today, Freddie shakes his head and gets the camera and lights ready for the model. The Parsi Indian looks at his paper, "Mr. J. Hutton." was all he read before going back to fixing up the lights. He hoped Hutton will be nice to him and not be a a piece of shit. The door clicks open and Freddie turns around to greet him.

Freddie felt his face heat up he gripped the camera in his hands as the young model walks in, the model disrobes leaving him in the nude.

"Mr. H-Hutton?" Freddie stutters out face burning god this felt like the first time taking pictures of nude models.

Jim gives him a smirk, "Mr. Bulsara."

Freddie's mouth felt dry, "You look good." he let his eyes wander down.

Jim was plus side there was no denying that. His soft belly that stuck out a little how his whole body looked so soft and cushiony, "Mr. Bulsara?" Jim was sitting on the moon chair legs slightly spread.

"W-What is this for again?" Freddie asks regretting not reading the papers fully.

"For a adult magazine, love."

Freddie shudders and gets the pictures taken. He didn't want to seem perverted but Jim was like a god in body type, Freddie finishes up the photoshoot, he had to help Jim pose a few times, he was warm feeling but that could be caused by the millons of lights on in this room. Fred hated to say this but Jim looked good when he was glistening.

Freddie watches as Jim puts his robe back on, "Hey.. Bulsara.... You're that one guy." Jim finally realizes.

"One guy what?"

"You did photoshoots for that blond model."

"Which blond model?" Freddie asks.

"Taylor kid. Kinda looks like a girl acts like one too."

"Ah yeah." Freddie rubs the back of his neck how could he forget Diva Taylor?

He made Fred work for his paycheck, made him retake dozens of pictures because "I wasn't ready", "my eyes look too green", "I look too orange, "too much light", "not enough light, "too hot", "too cold", "I wasn't looking", "my lipstick is smudged, "my makeup looks wrong", "my feet look gross", "hide your face I can't look at it", "don't look at me donkey you're too ugly to see me". And the list goes on with him. What should of taken two hours and a quick send off to the editors took five hours and no lunch break. Freddie grimaced recalling the wedding photos he took of Diva Taylor and his astrophysicists husband Brian Taylor, poor guy seemed so nice and had to deal with a stuck up bitch for a husband.

"Bulsara?" Jim snapped Freddie from his thoughts again,

"Hmm?"

"Lunch? You and me, in my dressing room?"

Freddie gulps, "Uh sure. But I was just going to go home and make something. I can't afford any of the food that's in the cafeteria."

Jim shakes his head, "That shouldn't be. You're part of our staff too. You deserve to eat here, come, come. I'm buying."

Freddie looks away as he puts his camera up and follows after Jim like a lost puppy, "Don't you want to dress?"

Jim looks over his shoulder, "I'm in my robe. I'll be fine." he pulls Freddie forward so they're walking side by side which earned them weird looks.

"I'll try and pay you back." Freddie tells him fixing his hair up into a bun.

"Don't," Jim says, "Keep your money. Buy yourself something nice."

Freddie blushes and smiles a little trying to keep his teeth hidden, "Thank you, sir.''

"Call me, Jim."

Why was Jim being so nice to him? He's just some gay immigrant scrapping the bottom of the barrel trying to make good wages and not die in a gutter.

"Call me Freddie then, Jim." Freddie says adjusting his bag strap.

Jim smiles showing his perfect teeth, "There we go."

The two step into the eatery Jim keeps a hand on Freddie's slender wrist like the boy would just run out of there giving the chance.

Jim lets Freddie order first which was just a simple bacon burger with fries, "You want a drink?'' Jim asks.

"I was just going to use the vending machine."

Jim nods and he orders his food as well. He pays for both meals which costed him a total of £87.54, he was lucky the vending machine was close by, Freddie got them both drinks to make up the high lunch bill.

Fred felt something hit the back of his head and whirls around with their drinks. He sees a corn cob laying on the floor and sees Diva Taylor a few feet ahead of him, "Roger?!" Freddie yells, "Did you throw corn at me."

Diva Taylor flips him off, "You bastard! You ruined my career!!" he throws a magazine at him. Freddie catches it and looks at it, "Yeah, you were pregnant during the photoshoot. So you're going to look chubby."

Jim sees Roger's swollen belly cramped into a much too small top and he felt awful for the unborn child, "Look, Taylor. You won't have to worry about Freddie no more. I'm making him my personal photographer." Jim starts to walk away with a stunned looking Freddie and Roger looking pissed off. He's beating on his husband's back screeching at him stomping his foot demanding Brian to buy Freddie for his own use.

Freddie shudders as the doors close behind them, "I feel so bad for him and their unborn child."

Jim nods stealing one of Fred's fries as they walk, "You know you could be a model easily." Jim tells Fred.

Freddie shakes his head, " Jim-"

"You're skinny.... Petite even. Most agencies want that."

"I'm not white." Freddie says sounding upset, "I'm not good enough for those kind of jobs because of my skin."

Jim sets their food and drinks down. He hugs Freddie tight realizing that Freddie is practically smothered in his fat chest, "And with us fatties you get to be smothered."

Freddie laughs grabbing his food, "Thanks, Jim." he clamps a hand over his mouth knowing he just showed his teeth off.

"You're beautiful." Jim says.

Freddie felt his face heat up, ''Really?"

Jim nods sipping on his coke, "I love your teeth you should show them off more."

Freddie felt a grin creeping onto his face, "Jim-"

Jim kisses him gingerly watching as a big smile spreads on Freddie's face showing off them cute teeth, "Absolutely stunning."

Freddie blushes and pulls Jim down onto his lap, "We're dating now right?"

Jim chuckles and kisses his neck, "I would hope so. I don't just throw myself onto anybody."

"Good because I want to do this." Freddie smacks Jim's ass hard and grabs it.

Jim blushes darkly, "You cheeky bastard." he kisses him roughly.

"Let's take this back to my place." Jim says seductively.

Freddie smirks and nods, " Let's go."

Jim dresses in sweats and an old t-shirt

As they got up Freddie sent a quick text to Peter saying he won't be back until late and he'll get a different ride.

Freddie follows after Jim watching as his hips sway, "You're like a god."

Jim blushes at Freddie's blurting, "Well," they were stopped at Jim's car, "If I'm a god that makes you my smoking hot goddess."

Freddie blushes again and kissed him pinning him against the car, "I-I love you, Jimbo. You make me feel pretty."

Jim grins and wraps his arms around Freddie's tiny waist, "You don't even know how much I love you."

The two share another kiss not knowing they're being photographed.

[whitehairedclea]

Red Roulette part VIII

Helena sat in her office remembering Chang's words from last night. “As if I didn't know about my intuition, if it wasn't for my intuition I wouldn't open casinos in the States or raise such amount of money, you idiot” she thought. Then, for a split second, she remembered his hands holding her hand and her waist. Gently, yet firm enough to keep her from talking any more. She lit a cigarette and tossed the lighter at the corner of the desk. She quickly dispelled her memories, returning to the issue of the diamond. From the words of Chang showed that the guy did it on behalf of someone, and so probably the diamond has already been transferred to the client.

"Sebastian!"

A seconds later he appeared in the office waiting for an order.

"Bring the Spider over here immediately, maybe he will know something today that will be helpful"

"Of course, I'll get him right away," he replied and left the office quickly.

If someone did order the theft of the diamond, there must have been some trace of it on the streets. So many informants were fooling around deceiving every single profitable handful of information that such a fact of handing over the diamond could not have escaped them.

“ Mrs. Roulette! How nice ... "Spider began as soon as he entered, but Helena quickly cut off his greeting. 

“Okay, finish this cirrus. Fast. Have you heard of any strange meeting last night? "

"Virtually every one in this city, as if you could be more precise"

“It's mainly about the diamond, so focus. Whatever you heard, whatever you know "

“Let's start 600,000,” he smiled.

She had no desire or time to bargain with him, so she just nodded, trying to trust her intuition that he was the only person who could move her search forward.

"I heard one guy brag about a huge amount of money earned for one thing, just one Job. Maybe not a diamond specifically, but quite a similarity"

"Well, who was it then?"

"One of the people coming to the Yellow Flag, long brown hair, possibly American, weird that’s why I remember and that's all I know."

This was more than she could figure out so far, so she thought she had found the lead. All she had to do was find this man and find out who told him to do the job. Time was running out and there was also a risk that someone would want to sell this diamond abroad. Probably worth more than all of Roanapur .

***

  Sebastian headed for the Yellow Flag, a dingy bar on the main street. Inside, it was swarming with suspicious curiosities - dealers, bounty hunters, dirty workmen, prostitutes who could be hired upstairs. In all this hive, he was looking for an American with long hair. 

"Hi Bao " greeted the owner "how's the deal?"

"So far so good, it's only been a week since the last damage, how r you ?"

"It's pretty good to say the casino is spinning somehow, little problems"

"Problems? What, boss has her period? " laughed, but after Sebastian's expression he retired to safer topics "so what problems?"

"I'm looking for a new stranger, he must have arrived here about two days ago, a long-haired brunette, an American, have you heard something about it?"

Bao rapped on the counter to indicate that nothing is for free. Sebastian took a bundle of money out of his pocket and asked for a mug of beer for that.

"My dear, if any connoisseur from Uncle Sam is going to roll through this town, he is sure to look into a lovely restored place like the Yellow Flag!" Bao moved closer to him so that no one would hear what he was saying "... how to tell you, the girls upstairs are definitely perfect"

Sebastian didn’t need more. He jumped up, throwing an additional tip to the bartender, and ran upstairs. Already on the stairs there were crowds of women who were Whiting for the client. Mixed voices of men and women came from everywhere. Every room felt occupied. Sebastian had to choose one to find the American.

One room caught his attention as there was no sound. He decided to try and blew the door open. Inside, a white man sat on the couch, counting quite a large mountain of money. It was obvious this guy was the one he was looking for.

In an instant, he took out the gun before he could react and pointed it at him.

"Dude what are you ?!"

"I would advise you to start talking before your brain will be on that wall over there!" he shouted.

The gun was now right at his temple.

"Who did you sell the diamond to?" Sebastian asked the distressed American.

"It's nothing personal man"

'I don't care, you stole my boss's diamond, who's not a very patient woman. If you want to get out of this, I advise you to talk, we will probably manage without you, but it will be faster,' he replied, unlocking the gun.

The American, feeling the barrel of the gun against his temple, understood how much he did not care about keeping the client's secret. He had money, keeping his life was a priority. Later he talked more than had to.

He was commissioned by an Italian named Dotti right after his arrival in Roanapur. He escaped from the Italian mafia and hid somewhere in the city, gathering his strength to take over the position of the then mafia boss. He couldn't announce his great comeback yet, so he decided to start marking his grounds with minor intimidations. Defecting Helena was to scare her and take over the casino as a new home. The plan might have worked if it had happened to someone else. Helena wasn't going to let go of such an insult, she would have pulled information about him from the city's canals to get him.

"THIS IS ALL I KNOW!" he shouted "really even the pasta makers don't know where he is. NOBODY knows, I got the money a moment ago together with the key to this room!"

There was nothing else to ask. He sheathed the gun and grabbed the bag of money, then threw them all out of the open window. Hundreds of dollars scattered across the crowded street. Seconds later, there were shouts of surprise and fights for every dollar.

"FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER WTF ?!"

'Enjoy you're alive. I'd rather blow your head off now" Sebastian replied and left.

He returned to the casino as soon as possible. It was the most important piece of information, the main puzzle to solve the whole case. They might have started working before it was too fast to spread around town that the Roulette casino could be brazenly robbed.

Sebastian shared with Helena all the clues he had obtained. Without a moment's thought, she rushed to the phone and started calling known informants if anyone had heard of Datti's location . Unfortunately, silence, no one knew him and no one heard of him since he hid from the Italian mafia.

"The little fish don't know anything or don't want to sprinkle ..." she said, looking out the window. Sebastian had the impression that she was running out of ideas on what to do next.

'Maybe actually wait for an intimidation attempt? There is a chance he'll reveal himself. ”Helena didn't let him finish, she held up a hand to silence him.

'I won't wait, Sebastian. It's a perfect night to spill some blood, "she said with a slight smile on her face, then added," If the little fish don't know anything, let's see what the shark says. "

'It means ?'

'We're going to talk to All-Knowing-Mr-Chang , I think it might be a good move.' her green eyes flashed.

Sebastian felt as if she was getting excited about this whole situation.

***

The private line telephone began to ring. Chang picked up "Cho , if they're Cubans again with cocaine in their veins, fire them, I won't play business with junkies," he dropped after a hard day. From this morning, one of the cartel people wants to sell him the idea of cracking down on cocaine in Japan. Like a drugged man, full of vision, he only wasted his time.

'Of course boss, it's just ... they're not Cubans. Red Roulette and Sebastian are here asking for a meeting'

Somewhere in the background you could hear Helena's voice, who didn't like the phrase 'ask'. She clearly tried to correct that she required this meeting.

'Let them in'

Chang began to believe that this evening was not going to be written off after all. "But there are still people in this town who can keep me entertained," he thought. A moment later he heard the clap of heels and a knock on his office door.

'Come in'

Cho entered first and signaled that they could enter. Helena straightened her red hair quickly and walked in with a serious look.

"Why do I owe such a great visit," he asked, comfortably leaning against the desk.

'I'll be short because I don't have time. I know who ordered the theft and it was Dotti , a former member of the Italian Mafia, but I have no idea where he is ' she came close enough to rest her hands on his desk. The red nails tapped gently impatiently. Her green eyes, full of fury, waited for his reply. It was only then that he noticed that there was a tiny mole on her face next to her left eye. Right at the tip , as if it was waiting to be spotted under the cover of red waves of hair. The long black dress sparkled softly in the light, and Chang wished she would take a few steps back to see her leg emerging from the slit. The louder tapping of her nails brought him back to reality. He wanted to laugh at wandering his mind, but quickly gathered his thoughts.

"Of course, I know where he is. Boss of the italian mafia still makes me laugh that he can’t find this Dotti guy. I'll help you with him, " he replied, standing to put on his jacket.

'You misunderstood me, Mr. Chang. I don't want you to help me deal with him. Just give me his location, I'll do the rest myself. '

It made the corner of his mouth turn into a devilish smile. The predator's gaze shone from behind his black glasses . 

'Sorry, I misinterpreted your intentions. Then let me accompany you on this journey ”he offered her a hand, lowering his head as if inviting her to dance.

He was eager to see this confrontation unfold. And most of all, what she can do. As a new fish in town, she had to show that she could do more than sell information, otherwise it would be difficult for her. She could slide quickly to the very bottom of that Roanapur abyss .

'In that case, let's dance tonight' she smiled malevolently.

[frugalhoe]

Day Off - 8/12/20

I got home from work an hour late the night before and slept a little less than 6 hours. One of the cats woke me up too early crying for food.

I eventually crawled out of bed, fed everybody and tidied up my apartment a little. I showered, got ready and had some orange juice and cereal for breakfast.

I took my dog hiking on some new trails since it was a mildly cooler out today. When we returned, I ran a few errands - grocery store, mailed a package, and went to the gym for a quick chest workout. I picked up a little food on the way home.

After lunch, I read on the couch with all the pets around me.

I spent some more time on the computer before making raviolis and garlic bread for dinner...saved half of it for tomorrow.

I did a load of laundry and started to get ready for bed since my work schedule changed again last minute.

In other news...I've been doing a lot of deep reflection and I've decided to not complete my B.S. in Colorado. Instead, I'll be finishing it at University of Washington. I plan to stay in Colorado for 1 or 2 more years to earn more transfer credits (aka boost my GPA) and save more $$$$. I make $50k a year at my vanilla job but Seattle is even more expensive than Colorado. I'll be able to transfer at my vanilla job to Seattle as well.

Originally I was thinking of UW for grad school but now I'm leaning towards:

UW for B.S.

Harvard for M.S.

MIT for PhD

Anyways, I'm excited and it feels good to be out of this slump I've been in lately.

I'm about 2 weeks out from the fall semester and I'm trying to relax a little more on my days off. I'm always burnt out but I'm trying to be slightly less burnt out going into the semester 😴

Depending on how things are going, I'd like to make another trip to Seattle next month or in October to check in with my UW advisor there, go apartment hunting and meet with the bosses at the location I plan to transfer to for my vanilla job. And just do some fun things too if places are even open.

Speaking of travel, I want to plan a 10-12 day trip to Russia next Summer (or the following Summer if COVID has everything shut down still). I'm taking Russian again this Fall and I'm toying with the idea of retiring overseas (or even working making USD $$$$$$) while living in Russia or somewhere where my money will go even further.

Idk I dont have any family so I dont feel particularly attached to one place forever.

8/12/20