#i'm going to stay away from stan twitter for a while

[aplateoflasagna]

When I heard Mashidam went on hiatus all those months ago, I was devastated. I cried writing a tumblr post about what I was feeling at that moment. Seeing the news now about Mashidam leaving Treasure made me feel empty. it's wierd. Maybe it's because I was at my job and I coudn't really express how I felt and now that we're already 10 hours later and I've had to chance to think about it, rationalise it, and finally come to terms with it.

This is a much better reaction than I thought I would have btw. Like yeah, it hurts, but maybe, somehow, I already expected this news. Eventhough earlier this day, I was still thinking about the possibility of Mashiho and Yedam going on stage at the last day of Treasure's Japan tour and singing a duet together to announce their comeback haha... It feels silly now, but that's how I was coping I guess. I really believed they would come back, but knowing they won't maybe gave me some peace of mind. The uncertanty is gone, the waiting is over and now the healing process can begin.

We'll never know why exactly they left. We can only trust YGE's words that Mashiho decided to leave because of health issues and Yedam left because he wants to produce music instead of perform it. We'll never know what happened, so I'm choosing to believe Yedam and Mashiho shared their doubts with the company during Jikjin era and were put on haitus before they made their decision final. Mashi and Yedam had about 6 months to change their minds and they didn't.

The timing of the announcement is suspect ofcourse but I honestly think YGE made the best decision they could have to let fans get used to the idea of Treasure being a 10 member group. It worked for me. When their hiatus was announced I was so devastated + scared that Treasure wouldn't work as 10. Losing their main vocalist + main dancer/lead vocalist... I didn't think they could do it tbh... But now I've seen them perform their songs as 10 and they do it so well. They've had a successful comeback as OT10, they are still a unified group. And now I realise that's why i'll keep supporting them: They are still a group of people I fell in love with. I want to see them succeed and make more/new memories with them. I'll never forget them as 12 but I want to move forward with Treasure as they are now because I just don't have another choice. Not supporting them just isn't an option for me.

I'll miss Mashiho. I think he was born to be on stage. During Teuday and during Trace, I was in awe. He's so talented and passionate. He has all my respect and it breaks my heart that he has to say goodbye to his dream because of things that are out of his control. But his health should always be the number 1 priority and so I can only wish him the best and hope he's happy in Japan with his family.

I'll miss Yedam. I'll miss his silly personality. The fact that he was still a little kid underneath all those responsibilities. I'm having a hard time accepting the fact that I might never hear Yedam sing again. His voice is truly something meant to be heard. Knowing he'll never be a part of Treasure again hurts, but the possibility of never hearing his voice again hurts even more. I can only hope that Yedam returns to singing someday. Even if it's little snippets on soundcloud, or covers posted anonymously or an album 10, 20 years from now, I'll gladly take it. We'll never know the reason behind Yedams decision but I have always worried about the pressure that has been put on him since he was 11 years old. Hearing him perform his unreleased song during Trace only ampilfied my worry. I could never quite listen to it again, because it sounded to personal

Somebody need help, somebody need love

Just living in endless loop of pressure

Shouting for help, looking for love all along

Yes, he trained the longest, has spent almost 10 years in the industry, but maybe being an Idol is what everyone expected of him, not what he actually wanted for himself. Or maybe being an Idol isn't what he thought it would be. I keep thinking about that one Tmap episode where a Teume told Jaehyuk 'If you decide that being an Idol is not what you want to do with your life, I'll still support you' and I can't help but feel the same way about Yedam. It's his decision and eventhough I'm sad, I'm happy for him. If this is what he wants then I'm happy for him.

Treasure will be alright. Teumes will be alright. Yedam and Mashiho will be alright. We all just need a little time right now to adjust to the new status quo.

I'm looking forward to the Seoul concert and the Japan tour, but most of all I'm looking forward to making new memories with Treasure