#i'm going to have to start learning and paying more attention to international politics as the USA has completely checked out

[woobie-wan]

Leaders of the Free World

Front row from left:

Finland’s president Alexander Stubb

France’s president Emmanuel Macron

Britain’s prime minister Keir Starmer

Ukraine’s president Volodymyr Zelenskyy

Poland’s prime minister Donald Tusk.

Center row from left:

Spain’s prime minister Pedro Sánchez

Denmark’s prime minister Mette Frederiksen

European Commission president Ursula von der Leyen

European Council president Antonio Costa

Canada’s prime minister Justin Trudeau

Romania’s interim President Ilie Bolojan.

Back row from left:

Nato secretary general Mark Rutte

the Netherlands’ prime minister Dick Schoof

Sweden’s prime minister Ulf Kristersson

Germany’s chancellor Olaf Scholz

Norway’s prime minister Jonas Gahr Store

Czech Republic’s prime minister Petr Fiala

Italy’s prime minister Giorgia Meloni

Turkey’s foreign minister Hakan Fidan

It's really nice to see my PM up there behind Zelenskyy. I'm thankful Canada still has some kind of grasp on reality.

[zionistgirlie]

Hi! I'm the person that asked if I could ask about your politics (mainly because I didn't want to like ask a bunch of questions if you're not in the mood to answer). Also, just for some context of where I'm coming from, I'm a progressive American Jew. That describes both my politics and my religion, though I don't really identify with a specific movement. That being said, my understanding of the world is very America-centered. I know that, and I'm trying to fix it, but it's definitely still the case. Although also the US and Israel have a close relationship, so I feel like you can't really understand one without the other. Also, I apologize in advance for anything offensive I may accidentally say. I am not trying to offend or start an argument, but I don't know if I'm wording things right.

So now that I've got that long preamble out of the way, I want your opinion on some things. Feel free to take your time answering.

Do you think Israel is at all responsible for what's happening in Gaza, or is it entirely the fault of Hamas?

Do you think Israel can ever be at peace with its neighbors? Will said neighbors allow it?

How do you feel about US president Donald Trump? I've seen some people on jumblr say he's using Jews as a pawn, and I think I agree with that statement. I think pretty much every US president has been antisemitic (yes, including Democrats) but the Trump administration seems even worse. Nearly everyone I know from shul was very upset when he was reelected, and a lot of us are really scared. I know several people planning on how to leave the country, either making aliyah or fleeing to Canada. We think it's only a matter of time before the US government starts directly targeting Jews. Do you think that is the case, or do you disagree? Or if you have not been paying much attention to US politics I get that too, you don't have to this.

Do you think political support for the state of Israel is inherent to Jewish identity? I think the Jewish people are definitely deeply connected to eretz yisrael- after all, it is our homeland- but I don't think the connection to the land necessarily has to mean anything about whether or not you support the government. What do you think?

How do you feel about non-zionist Jews? Is that just another opinion, another way of being Jewish, or is it completely wrong? Do you think it comes from internalized antisemitism? Do you have any friends that aren't zionist? (I guess probably not given that you live in Israel)

If you personally had complete control, you could just snap your fingers and make it happen, what does your ideal Israel look like?

What would you say to a young anti-zionist Jew, assuming they would listen?

Can you recommend any books, videos, or podcasts (in English) to learn more about this?

I know this is a really long ask, and you don't have to answer all of it right now, I'm just trying to figure things out and hear more than one perspective and you seem 1) very smart and 2) very different perspective than mine. I think it's important to have conversations with people I don't agree with (actually that's how I met a great friend of mine, we were arguing about Torah and exchanged phone numbers so we could continue that conversation). Also, I'm going to leave you with my name because I think I'll probably want to send more asks

-Eli

Allow me to nitpick before I start and say that whilst it is stupid to apply American-specific theories on non-American countries and conflicts (re: CRT), still, as an American, of course you would see the world through American lenses, just like as an Israeli, I see the world through Israeli lenses, and I don't necessarily think it's something you need to "fix." (Also, how are you going to fix it? You have an American upbringing)

Also, is "the US and Israel have a close relationship, so I feel like you can't really understand one without the other" a common sentiment in America? I don't feel the same way. I don't need to understand Israel to understand America, and certainly not vice-versa (you could claim that in order to understand the modern Israel one has to know about Western values like democracy, self-determination and nationality, but still those are more a European thing than American). Anyways, I'm rambling.

Do you think Israel is at all responsible for what's happening in Gaza, or is it entirely the fault of Hamas?

Deffo. It's Israel's fault that there are still hostages there, and the vast majority of Gazans' deaths are males of combat age (so combatants). Israel allowed Hamas to steal foreign aid since day one. Israel did everything in its power to target militants only, and now a war that was supposed to end a month, tops, after it starts has been allowed to go about for a year and a half. The gates of hell should've opened on October 8th, 2023, and not a day later.

Do you think Israel can ever be at peace with its neighbors? Will said neighbors allow it?

That would depend on which neighbours you're talking about. Syria and Lebanon? sure. The so-called Palestinians? I don't think so. You have to understand that "Palestinian" is not a nationality or an etnicity, but rather a made-up invention to fight zionism. And it's not me who says that, it's the very Palestinians themselves.

The only thing separating Palestinians from Jordanians is their hatred of Jews and their struggle to eradicate every last Jew living between the river and the sea, and they say it themselves. This is not just one political party's crazy idea, but the very foundation on which the Palestinian identity is built. So, no, I don't think peace is possible with people whose entire identity is eradicating you. Do I wish, for our sake, but also for theirs, that they reject this genocidal, Jihadi ideology? Indeed. Sadly, they do not. And it doesn't matter if we talk Hamas, the Muslim Brotherhood, the Islamic Jihad, the PLO, the DFLP, the PFLP, fatah... across all Palestinian political spectrum, the one thing in common is the genocidal urge to kill Israelis and Jews.

So, shortly, no. There will be no true peace with the Palestinians.

How do you feel about US president Donald Trump?

Love him. He's very smart and cunning. I think he does what's good for the Jews and what's good for America. I agree with a lot of his policies. Yeah, just love him. He's Hashem's gift for us, and a lot of Israeli frum Jews agree with me. Baruch Hashem he's been reelected. I actually wrote a post about him a while back. I really should categorise my posts, shouldn't I, heh.

I am aware of the sentiment of some American Jews about Trump, I am aware of Jumblr's sentiment about him. I am Israeli and must admit that the things Trump does within your own country do not affect my life that much. In terms of what has to do with Israel or American Jews, I think he is doing an excellent job. 70% of American Jews are Democrats, so I am not surprised by the hysteria. Nu shoyn.

Do you think political support for the state of Israel is inherent to Jewish identity?

I think the Jewish people are definitely deeply connected to eretz yisrael- after all, it is our homeland- but I don't think the connection to the land necessarily has to mean anything about whether or not you support the government. What do you think?

So, I don't think political support for the state of Israel (which is basically Zionism, like supporting that there should politically be a Jewish state? That's just Zionism) and supporting the current Israeli government are the same thing. The majority of Israelis support the state of Israel, and I would say ~49%-50% do not support the government. Also, we're a democracy, so the government slightly (or not so slightly) changes every 4 years. I would not say supporting the current Israeli government is inherent to one's Jewish identity, particularly if they're not Israeli. Supporting the existence of a Jewish state isn't inherent to one's Jewish identity, either. However, things that are very much inherent to one's Jewish identity, so much so, that they are mitzvot l'halacha, are:

Ahavat Israel: loving and helping every other Jew.

Pidyon Shvuyim: Redemption of hostages. Getting Jewish hostages held by non-jews back.

Aniye Ircha Kodmim: first, give charity to the poor people in your town (before giving charity to poor people from other towns) and by metaphor: when your Jewish brothers and sisters are in an existential war, support their right to live peacefully, condemn terrorism, don't make excuses for goyim attacking your people, don't apply double-standard, and only then dedicate yourself to other causes.

Kol Israel Arevim Ze L'ze: All Jews are mutually responsible for one another.

Lo ta’amod al dam re’echa: Do not stand by your brother’s blood. A Jew must help other Jews, particularly when they're in life danger.

Yishuv Eretz Yisrael: Settling the Land of Israel. Living in Eretz Israel is a mitzvah.

Moser: Jews aren't allowed to hand over a Jew to the Goyim. In this sense, speaking slander and spewing incorrect blood libels about Jews to hostile Goyim is mesirah. And it is forbidden, dangerous, and deeply harmful to Jewish solidarity and Arvut.

Speaking Slander about Eretz Israel: That's "the sin of the spies" and the reason the Israelites had to wander in the desert for 40 years.

In our many sins, it seems as though Antizionist Jews— or those who identify as Jews— violate multitudes of mitzvot. CRITICISING ISRAEL'S POLICIES is allowed when it's done in a factual, cautious way, but how many of those antizionist Jews actually bother to do that?

How do you feel about non-zionist Jews? Is that just another opinion, another way of being Jewish, or is it completely wrong? Do you think it comes from internalized antisemitism? Do you have any friends that aren't zionist?

How would you feel if your sibling spat on your parents? That's what I feel about many antizionist Jews. I feel sorry, and ashamed, and disappointed, and angry. I don't know what "another way of being Jewish" means. If you have a Jewish mother or have converted l'halacha, you're a Jew, regadless of your opinions. I can't say non-zionist Jews are not Jewish. I just think they're very wrong and often put us Israeli Jews in severe danger.

I can't say it's always internalised antisemitism across the board, I think it often stems from being far away from the Torah and its values.

And I do, actually :) My best friend is an antizionist, Israeli Jew. I used to be an antizionist Jew. I know a bunch. There are quite a bit of antizionist Jews in Israel, and as far, radical-left you think American antizionist Jews are? Israelis are 10x worse.

If you personally had complete control, you could just snap your fingers and make it happen, what does your ideal Israel look like?

The hostages are home. The war ends with a destroyed Hamas and MaGaza. We annexe Judea and Samaria. The state laws become more religious. We do not let Palestinazis ever work inside Israel again, nor do we provide them with medical help in our hospitals. They can go to Jordanian hospitals. The Jews are back in Aza. Aliyah is slightly easier for diaspora Jews. The Hasbara ministry gets better. The services in the periphery of Israel (healthcare, public transportation, welfare, education) become a lot better. Every school would have a sexual assult inspector so that no child is victimised in schools. Houses become cheaper. Groceries become cheaper.

What would you say to a young anti-zionist Jew, assuming they would listen?

Hashem loves you.

Then I would probably ask where the antizionism comes from and try to educate them. I don't think being antizionist is anti-Jewish per se, I just think they're uneducated on a lot of this stuff. And lack nuance. But sometimes people are educated on the topic and are still anti-Zionists, and I think that's legitimate. That doesn't change the fact Hashem loves them.

Can you recommend any books, videos, or podcasts (in English) to learn more about this?

Douglas Murray just published a new book on the topic. I didn't get to read it yet, so I can't recommend it 100%, but knowing Douglas, I think it'll be worthwhile. It's called On Democracies and Death Cults: Israel and the Future of Civilization. Likewise, I recommend listening to interviews with him, like this one and that one and also this one.

Everything Natasha Hausdorff does is brilliant.

If you care for some funny, educational content, here's Ben Shapiro reacting to pro-hamas tiktoks. He's got proper Hasbara content as well, as well as this iconic debate.

Also this youtube channel is great. Also that.

Also Tal!

Regarding books, @mossadspypigeon keeps mentioning The Oslo Syndrome. I couldn't find this book or its Hebrew translation, but I trust her.

I know this is a really long ask, and you don't have to answer all of it right now, I'm just trying to figure things out and hear more than one perspective and you seem 1) very smart and 2) very different perspective than mine. I think it's important to have conversations with people I don't agree with (actually that's how I met a great friend of mine, we were arguing about Torah and exchanged phone numbers so we could continue that conversation). Also, I'm going to leave you with my name because I think I'll probably want to send more asks -Eli

I really like long asks, so don't apologise. It's fun.

I 10000% agree with you. It's mega important to hear other perspectives. I really want to have a polite discussion/debate with an antizionist Jew. Unfortunately, polite or civil aren't adjectives that get used much, on both sides, I'll admit.

Thank you for calling me smart omg 🥺

And I like your name a lot! My Australian sister uses that name because Australians can't properly pronounce her Israeli name. I'm Lior, Eli. Nice to meet you!

[tlbodine]

Overthinking: A Night in Terror Tower

A Night in Terror Tower is Goosebumps #27, and a bit of a strange one to return to. The thing is that I remember some parts of it extremely well. I internalized the first part of this book to such an extent that I was surprised to actually visit London many years later and find the real Tower of London to be quite different than that's described in the book. This book taught me what thumb-screws were. All of this is extremely vivid in my memory.

What I did not remember at all was the book's central conflict, nor the twist. Zero recollection of it. What the hell happened, there? Did I not actually finish reading this somehow? Did I start reading it in a bookstore and then not buy it? I am supremely confused.

Anyway. I finished it this time. Let's see how it went.

First, the Plot: Sue and her brother Eddie are in London while their parents attend an important work conference. To keep them occupied, the kids are sent on a city-wide sightseeing tour. The last stop is at Terror Tower, a castle/prison where all sorts of political prisoners were held captive and tortured. They learn all about this, and are particularly intrigued by the tale of Susannah and Edward of York, a princess and prince who were imprisoned and executed by their power-hungry throne-thieving uncle.

They realize they've gotten separated from their tour group and run into a strange, intimidating man in a cape (who has three white plot points, I mean stones). Fleeing from him, they catch a cab but discover they don't have the right kind of money to pay the fare. The cab takes them back to the hotel, where they're sure their parents will cover the fare, but when they get back to the room, it's empty. Worse, the front desk insists nobody is staying in that room, and there are no conferences happening. Most concerning of all, the kids can't remember their last names -- or what their parents looked like -- or even what they did yesterday.

As they're deeply freaking out about this, the caped dude shows back up and demands Eddie hand over his plot points, i mean stones. Eddie, who's established as something of a pickpocket earlier, does give them back, and suddenly their surroundings change and they are in old-timey London. They try to flee and pay a peasant woman to hide them, but she hands them over the executioner anyway. They get locked up in the tower where they catch up with the rest of the class and realize that they are Susannah and Edward of York.

All of this is explained to them by Morgred, the king's sorceror who tried real hard to rescue them by sending them into the future but ultimately failed and is too much of a coward to try it again.

Luckily, fast-fingered Eddie has filched the magic stones again, and in a desperate effort, he attempts the spell -- and brings all THREE of them into the future, because they need a parent. And if you're going to be a kid unstuck in time, having a wizard with you who can conjure food and so forth is frankly a great idea.

Overthinking It: In hindsight, I'm not sure that "Terror Tower" was ever actually meant to be the Tower of London. It functionally sounds like a blend of the Tower of London plus The Clink prison museum, because a lot of time is spent talking about debtors' prisons and torture devices, which is the whole shtick of The Clink (or was when I visited, anyway).

This book does what many of the Goosebumps do very well, which is create a little getaway adventure. It's not surprising that the parts that I remember most clearly from childhood are the historical and torture bits, because they do get loving, lavish attention from the narrative.

There is a lot of horror in the idea of being two young kids lost in a foreign country. There's even more horror in the idea of realizing you have total amnesia. Combining those two things makes for some very tense storytelling for a few chapters, but then we're off to the races with more active hijinks.

I don't know what they plan on doing in the modern world. Like, Morgred had better have some tricks up his sleeve for making money or else they're going to be in a world of hurt for a while. I want to see a gritty urban fantasy sequel to this concept where the sorcerer is performing street magic and busking for money to support his "kids" while the three of them are unstuck in time.

If You Liked This, THESE Will Really Give You Goosebumps:

The conceit of coming to your hotel to learn that you don't know who you are feels completely ripped off from Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, more specifically the story "Maybe You Will Remember" that shows up in the third book. Of course, that story is itself an urban legend (that may have been based on an actual event), so perhaps it's coincidental.

"Maybe You Will Remember" is the inspiration for So Long at the Fair, so, pair that off with this book too.

This book also reminded me of the film Room 6, where a woman's husband is taken to the hospital after an accident but seemingly disappeared. It is not a good movie, but it is one I thought about often while reading.

Speaking of movies that are not great but did come to mind while reading, there's also Timeline, starring a young Gerard Butler alongside Paul Walker on a time-bending adventure.

Does anybody have any good movies to recommend with a premise similar to this book? Hit me in the comments/reblogs because I'm coming up pretty dry.

[magsdoesthings]

Why I Didn’t Know I Had Face Blindness: Discovering Prosopagnosia as a Late-Diagnosed, High-Masking Autistic Person

Introduction

For most of my life, I believed I was simply bad with names and faces. I’d meet someone, have a conversation, and then feel a sinking dread the next time I saw them, realizing I had no idea who they were. I’d fake my way through interactions, hoping for contextual clues—like their voice, their clothes, or the place we met—to trigger some kind of recognition. It wasn’t just awkward; it was anxiety-inducing and exhausting.

It wasn’t until after I began my autism diagnosis -well into my teenage years- that I started to question whether my difficulties with recognizing faces might be something more specific. That questioning eventually led me to discover a condition I had only heard of back in GCSE psychology: prosopagnosia, also known as face blindness. And suddenly, so many moments in my life made sense.

As a high-masking autistic person, I had spent years developing coping mechanisms that helped me blend in socially while hiding my struggles. Those strategies didn’t just hide my autism—they also masked my face blindness. This essay is a reflection on why prosopagnosia often goes unnoticed in people like me: autistic, female, highly masking, and diagnosed later in life. I’ll share my experiences, explore the reasons this condition so often flies under the radar, and discuss what needs to change to support others who may still be undiagnosed.

Masking and Missed Clues

Masking is something I did long before I had a word for it. As a child, I would study cartoon charecters obsessively, rehearsing their facial expressions, and mirroring mannerisms to blend in. Social interaction just didn’t come naturally to me, but I compensated with sheer effort and a constant internal script. I was often praised for being polite, perceptive, and attentive. Nobody saw the anxiety and self-doubt underneath.

This same masking also allowed my face blindness to go unnoticed—even by me. Since I already struggled in social situations, I assumed that forgetting faces was part of that same challenge. I didn’t question why I felt lost when someone waved at me enthusiastically or, on the other hand, why I would constantly recognise people I'd never even met. I simply told myself, “This is just how I am,” and found workarounds: listening for voices, recognizing hairstyles, paying attention to gait or accessories. These strategies worked—well enough that no one suspected anything was wrong. Not even me.

But the truth is, I never actually recognized faces. I identified people by everything but their faces. My entire life, I thought everyone else was doing the same. Realizing that this wasn’t typical was a profound moment of clarity—but also grief. I had spent years silently blaming myself for something I didn’t know had a name, let alone a neurological explanation.

The Diagnostic Gap: Autism in Women

I'm now 17, and this year, I officially started my autism diagnosis. Like many autistic women, I flew under the radar from childhood; labelled as shy, sensitive, socially anxious—descriptions that were often said with concern, but never curiosity. No one asked why I struggled with social interactions or why I clung so tightly to routines and rules. I learned to function well enough to appear “normal,” but I never felt like I truly belonged.

The diagnostic criteria for autism were created with boys in mind, and that bias persists. A 2020 study by Loomes et al. notes that “there is substantial evidence that autistic girls are under-identified due to their ability to mask symptoms and present differently from boys” (Autism, 2020). Autistic girls and women often internalize their struggles, and they tend to present with less overt behaviors than boys—fewer meltdowns, more mimicry, better surface-level social skills. It took me years of unlearning to realize that what I thought was “just anxiety” or “being too sensitive” was actually autistic burnout caused by masking.

By the time we do get diagnosed, we’ve already developed elaborate coping strategies. These strategies can be so effective that even co-occurring conditions—like prosopagnosia—are hidden from view. When a clinician sees a woman who can maintain eye contact, hold a conversation, and hold down a job, they might not dig deeper. And if that woman doesn’t know that face blindness exists, she won’t bring it up either.

Understanding Prosopagnosia Through an Autistic Lens

Prosopagnosia is a condition where the brain struggles to recognize and remember faces, despite normal vision and intelligence. It can be developmental (present from birth) or acquired (after brain injury), and it exists on a spectrum—from mild difficulty to complete inability to recognize even close family members. Many people with prosopagnosia don’t know they have it, especially if they’ve spent their lives developing ways to compensate.

Studies show a notable overlap between prosopagnosia and autism. A 2014 paper by Brewer et al. found that “autistic individuals show significantly poorer face recognition abilities compared to neurotypical controls,” and that these differences “may contribute to social difficulties” (Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 2014). When you already struggle to interpret facial expressions or maintain eye contact, it’s easy to miss the specific challenge of face recognition.

In my case, I didn’t know there was a difference between not liking eye contact and not being able to recognize someone’s face. I didn’t realize that using someone’s voice or outfit as an identification tool wasn’t what everyone else was doing. My youger brother was diagnosed with autism young and himself struggles with face blindness, and I was even taught about this mysterious disorder for 2 years during my GCSEs, yet nothing ever clicked. It wasn’t until I stumbled across a TikTok, talking about “prosopagnosia” and saw myself reflected in the descriptions that it clicked.

And yet, even now, it’s still hard to talk about. There’s a fear of being misunderstood or dismissed—especially when you’ve spent your whole life being told you're just awkward or anxious. That fear doesn’t go away overnight.

The Emotional Cost of Late Diagnosis

Discovering both my autism and my prosopagnosia myself as a teenager, rather than my parents spotting it as a child as they did with my bother, has been both liberating and devastating. On the one hand, I finally understand myself in a way I never did before. I have language for my experiences, and I can begin to forgive myself for things I used to see as personal failures. But on the other hand, I mourn the years of my childhood spent confused, anxious, and exhausted—navigating a world that never seemed to make sense, constantly feeling like I was doing something wrong.

Not knowing I had prosopagnosia meant I blamed myself for missing social cues, for seeming distant, for forgetting people’s faces. I felt guilty when I couldn’t remember someone I’d met several times, and I lived in fear of being caught out. I avoided parties and networking events. I over-relied on friends to help me navigate social situations. I felt broken.

Even now, with the knowledge I have, the world still isn’t built to accommodate people like me. And that needs to change.

What Needs to Change: Solutions and Support

If we want to ensure that autistic women with prosopagnosia don’t continue to go undiagnosed and unsupported, several changes are necessary—both within diagnostic systems and in broader society.

1. Include Face Recognition in Autism Screenings

Autism assessments should routinely ask about face recognition. A few simple screening questions—like “Do you often fail to recognize people you’ve met before?” or “Do you rely on voices or clothing to recognize others?”—could identify people at risk for prosopagnosia and prompt further evaluation. According to Barton and Corrow (2016), face blindness is “commonly underdiagnosed, and often individuals do not realize their experience is atypical” (Current Directions in Psychological Science, 2016).

2. Raise Awareness Within the Autism Community

Many of us don’t realize face blindness is a condition. Including information about common co-occurring conditions like prosopagnosia in post-diagnostic resources can help individuals better understand their own experiences and seek appropriate support.

3. Train Clinicians to Recognize Atypical Presentations

Medical and mental health professionals need better training on how autism and related conditions present differently in women and high-masking individuals. A 2021 review by Hull et al. emphasized that “masking can lead to significant diagnostic delays and misdiagnoses,” and that clinicians need to actively assess for it (Lancet Psychiatry, 2021).

4. Normalize and Accommodate Differences

Simple accommodations—like name tags at events, labeled photos in group settings, or not assuming rudeness when someone doesn’t recognize you—can make a world of difference. Prosopagnosia isn’t rare, and it shouldn’t be treated like an oddity.

5. Create Community and Reduce Shame

Peer support has been life-changing for me. Knowing I’m not the only one dealing with this has helped me unlearn shame and embrace self-compassion. Encouraging open conversation about face blindness, especially among autistic people, can break the silence.

Conclusion

Prosopagnosia went undiagnosed in my life for so long because I didn’t know it existed—and neither did the people around me. I was already used to social difficulty, already accustomed to hiding my confusion, already worn out from masking. When autism finally entered the picture, it helped explain a lot—but not everything. It wasn’t until I discovered face blindness that everything finally fell into place.

As a high-masking autistic person, I’ve become adept at navigating the world without being seen—really seen—for who I am. But now that I understand myself more fully, I want to be seen and supported, not just passed as “normal.” And I want others like me to find that same clarity sooner.

By raising awareness, improving diagnostic practices, and creating a more accepting culture, we can help ensure that conditions like prosopagnosia don’t remain invisible for so long. Recognizing faces shouldn’t be a prerequisite for being recognized as ourselves.

[magnetarmadda]

WIP Wednesday Thursday because time is fake lol, thanks @blasphemous-lies-and-deceit for tagging me! I’m not tagging anyone since it’s not Wednesday anymore, but for all my writer friends, if you’ve got a wip you wanna share, consider yourself tagged

I’ve been finding writing very hard lately (anything, not just fic, which is rough because my job right now is all about writing research proposals and reports and articles), so this is a piece of what I’ve got for the next chapter of Love Like Gravity, which I will finish someday

The kitchenette is quiet at half seven, just Jon and the sound of the kettle to fill the small space. He's only half paying attention to the motions of his hands as they prepare his mug, a worn blue one Gerry gave him years ago when Jon started grad school. It lived on his student desk and has followed him ever since.

He's probably mostly awake by now, but it's hard to be sure. As the newest junior faculty member, Jon, of course, is teaching an 8 AM, and he's considering switching to coffee to get him through. This level of exhaustion on the everyday? It might kill him.

The click of the kettle draws his focus from daydreaming about his soft bed, and he pours hot water over the tea bag. He stirs in sugar and then pulls the mug close, the scent of the steeping tea a poor substitute for the caffeine, but he knows he'll be grumpy for hours if he drinks weak tea.

Jon turns to head back to his office and is startled by a colleague opening the door. He hasn't yet learned everyone's names, but he does recognize the man who gives a quick wave hello—Jon saw him speak at a conference a few years ago about developments in dark energy research.

"Jon, right?" he asks, his hand pausing between them as he spots Jon's mug.

Jon feels himself flush a bit. "Ah, y-yes," he says, half-grimacing. "Jon Sims. You're Oliver Banks, right? I saw your talk on—"

"—dark energy and the modifications of gravity. Yeah, one of my more popular ones," Oliver says, grinning. "Big mistake, giving the plenary at an international conference. People keep recognizing me."

"O-oh," Jon replies, his stomach sinking at his accidental faux-pas. "I'm s—"

Oliver raises his hands and makes quick calming motions. "Sorry, sorry," he says gently, like Jon's a spooked cat. "I forget most people aren't aware of my sense of humor. No, it's nice to meet you, and I'm glad you remember my talk."

Jon offers his best attempt at a polite smile, his tired brain struggling to figure out what to say next. "What brings you in so early?" he finally lands on, shifting his mug to one hand.

"Conference call with a couple of colleagues in other timezones," Oliver shrugs. "India, Japan, Germany—getting us all for an hour each week meant some sacrifices."

Jon snorts, thinking of a colleague he's trying to finish a paper with who moved home to Russia a few months ago. "I can sympathize," he says.

"Meetings for you as well?" Oliver asks, now moving to the kettle to refill it. Jon shift his body, following Oliver as they talk.

Jon laughs now. "I wish," he admits, shrugging. "I was assigned the 8 AM first year astronomy course."

"Ouch," Oliver replies, also laughing. "I wish I understood why someone decided astronomy should be taught in the morning. I spent years pushing to move it to the evening."

Jon nods, thinking of the conversation he had last week with Elias asking for the same thing.

"Maybe we should start a petition," Oliver adds. "Get enough faculty on it, maybe we can convince someone."

Before he can answer, Jon's phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out and sees his calendar reminder. He grimaces as he dismisses it. "Speaking of," he says, waving his phone half-heartedly as Oliver looks over at him. "I have to go unlock the door."

With a matching grimace, Oliver wishes him luck, and Jon hurries to his office for his bag and the file folder of freshly printed problem sets.

[thatstormygeek]

Global politics isn't fandom. National politics isn't fandom. Local politics isn't fandom.

There are no easy, simple answers when large numbers of humans are involved, and that becomes more true the higher the stakes.

This is not team sports and so many fucking people treat it that way. There is no uncomplicated good guy to root for or bad guy to hate. Please, let yourself internalize that this shit is complicated and the 'obvious' solution thought up by someone who first started paying attention yesterday or last week or last month is not going to cut it.

I know, I know, you're a good person and it's important to you to be on the right side. Unfortunately, there are traps in that. See, if you view yourself as a Good Person, you have already lost the plot. Trying to do good works or be kind or helpful are actions that you take to be a good person. Considering it a static state that you achieve runs the strong risk of allowing you to decide actions are good because you are a Good Person, and not the other way around.

There is no Right Side. Unless you are on the side of people who are suffering. But that division doesn't fall neatly along the arbitrary lines humans have drawn on maps. And it's much bigger than the current awfulness, as overwhelming as that is. And some people who are suffering are causing even more suffering to other people and so who do you root for there?

That's the point. It's not about cheering on the Good Guys. It's really, probably, not about you at all. Or me. And there's likely not anything we can do that fills that urgent drive to Right a Wrong.

I don't have any answers. I've been on this planet longer than the vast majority of you (if the polls I've seen are anything to go by) and I'm always learning that I don't know fuck about shit.

What I can do is pass on the advice I've seen given over and over throughout the years:

Listen to those being most directly affected

Don't center yourself

Seek ways to educate yourself without burdening those most directly affected

And again, listen and believe that the people in the center of something know more than you do about it. What they want or need from you may not scratch that Do Something itch, but that's a you problem. Deciding your satisfaction is more important is not helpful.

Take it or leave it. I'm not the boss of you. I do hope you at least consider it, because honestly, the way some of y'all do an Activism, you are definitely hurting your cause and if you actually listened to the people who have been doing the work, they'd tell you the same thing.

[llendrinall]

Hello, Endrina, I hope you are well!

I was recently introduced to a new ship: Snarry. Never though I could like it, but the fics I read were very well written, so I can see potential now.

What are your thoughts on this ship (if you have any), would you ever write Snarry?

Actually, I'm asking this bc I miss your Snape. So maybe, the question is more, can we have more Snape?

Sending love and inspiration, tai <3

Hello, Tea.

I’m well. Busier than I would like, so I don’t have the focus I need to write long-form, but I’m doing very well. I even got my vaccine!

So, Snarry. It’s not a pairing I see myself writing. It has too many issues and some of my biggest squicks, like teacher/student relationships (god, no) and age difference. The age difference I can get past, because it’s so prevalent that I’m inured to it. I think most, if not all, of Jane Austen’s heroines have +-10 years difference, for example, so one learns not to pay attention. Still, it’s not a pairing that calls to me.

That said, while I won’t write it and it’s not my first reading choice, I have read it occasionally and I agree that the fics were quite good. They managed to make a difficult and very unlikely couple believable, so kudos to the authors. I just hope none of them pursue a career in politics or public relations.

You ask about Snape. The thing about him (and most of HP characters) is that there is an incoherent element to them.

Snape stands on the edge between hero and villain, between human and monster. Snape is a survivor of childhood abuse and teenager bullying, the poor dear. Snape became a supremacist and joined a terrorist group, the bastard. Snape is a horrible, horrible, teacher. Snape is the only remotely competent actor in the Order of Phoenix.

I actually think this is the reason why the HP fandom is so popular, after so many years, and still produces so many fics. Almost all characters have this tension (I’m actually struggling to think of a character without internal strain. Fleur, maybe?), this internal conflict as two things that cannot be exist in the same person. A character cannot stand that internal contradiction for long, and yet it is never resolved in the books. Was Dumbledore well meaning, if inefficient? Or was he a manipulative bastard?

Because the characters are left in that state of incoherence, we write fic and meta to resolve that tension. To do that, we have to choose some aspects and bury or hand wave others because they simply can’t cohabit. This means that when people say Snape was a creepy bastard who doesn’t deserve our good opinion, they are right. It also means that when I choose to see him a kinder light, as a flawed man who is denied the chance to heal from his trauma, I am also right.

My Snape.

What I like best about him is that he is a very efficient and unapologetic jerk. Even in the most positive portrayals (like The Secret Language of Plants) Snape is the personification of drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth. He doesn’t play well with others.

Because he is very efficient, there is the danger of going the Sherlock route (or House route, or… you know, any other show) in which his genius is used to justify him being a cruel prick (sidenote: I want more Sherlock fics in which John gently points out that when Sherlock does X thing or says Y he is hurting people’s feelings, and Sherlock adapting his behaviour in hilariously wrong but well-meaning ways). I prefer to use Snape’s cantankerous attitude to bring up conflict and humour. Snape is the man who will stab Lockhart to shut him up. He is also the friend you hex in an attempt to re-educate him into being a tolerable member of society.

What else? I see Snape as a gay man. The foggy ficlet I’m writing right now might be the first time where I am unsure, he may be bisexual there. Mostly, I prefer if his relationship to Lily is one of friendship. I actually think it’s nicer, and speaks better of him, if his heel-face turn is born out of friendship rather than a desire to save the life of the girl who got away. It’s still love, just not sexual or romantic love.

Some other thoughts about him.

- He is a bad teacher. Not that there are good teachers, since no one goes through teacher training, but he is bad and doesn’t like the job.

- He is a brilliant researcher and experimenter. He would be much happier in a university-setting where you can get away with not seeing students and at least the ones you are forced to see will be slightly interested in the subject.

- Canon Snape went through a lot of trauma and wasn’t allowed to heal. Instead he was picked up by Voldemort and Dumbledore to be used as they wished. If he had gotten away, even if he didn’t go to therapy, just time and distance would have done wonders.

- Despite his acerbic personality, Snape is very good at managing teams. We know that all the other Hogwarts’ houses gang up against Slytherin, and yet until Harry arrived, Slytherin had won the House Cup six times in a row. Six times. This can’t be attributed to Snape giving a disproportionate amount of points to his students, because he only has so many occasions to do so and in any case it would only work one time before the rest of the teachers started to give points by the hundreds. Either the Slytherin students were so good that other teachers, despite their animosity, were forced to recognize their talent; or Snape provoked the other houses to fight between them and grabbed the cup from under them. Either way, Snape is wasted in that school.

- No, really, who gets a bunch of teenagers and turns them into such a well oiled machine?

I want him to fake his death and go live in the French-Speaking side of Canada and finally get a chance to figure out who he is. And when Percy Weasley inevitably stumbles across him, they will simply nod at each other, share a look of “I’m so tired of their bullshit” and carry on without a word.

[acciocriativity]

The bet || Harry Potter

Pairing: Fred Weasley and George Weasley x Platonic/Reader (Tiny not so tiny George Weasley x Reader)

Summary: You had a normal life at Hogwarts, until the Weasley twins decided they weren't going to leave you alone anymore, and what was the reason? You would give five galleons to anyone who knew the answer.

Word Count: 4,0k

It was still early, I was walking through the corridors towards the Great Hall when two red-haired figures appeared in my sight.

"Hey Y/N!", one of them waved cheerfully at me, I still had no idea which one. "Why do you suddenly look tall today?", the other said with a smile, which made me want to punch him.

"Why are you suddenly more annoying today? It sounds like a serious illness, so excuse me, I don't want to catch this", I walked as fast as I could so they couldn't keep up with me.

I could hear their laughter behind me and the whispering but decided not to pay attention to what was said, that would bring me more calmness.

And why do I basically run away from them? It is very simple.

One day I was just another Ravenclaw student, and the next day I had the attention of the most popular twins at Hogwarts.

They liked to tease me about absolutely everything, no matter if I was just sitting down reading or trying to concentrate in a class, one of them would find a way to annoy me.

I never tried to differentiate which was Fred and which was George, it made no difference, they both seemed equally annoying to me and knowing who is who was not going to guarantee me anything.

"Hey, wait. We have a deal for you", the tallest of them spoke with a grin plastered on his face as he walked up to me in stride.

"And why should I agree? Anything coming from you guys is pretty suspicious", I replied with my eyes screwed tight and crossed my arms.

"Because you can have your quiet time again, we won't tease you anymore as far as possible", the other said with a small smile and I stopped to think for a few seconds.

"Well, that sounds good enough, and what do I have to do? You're going to have to get something out of this, obviously", I still remained in the same position analyzing the two, who seemed to be enjoying themselves more every second.

"You'll have to guess who is who at the end of the day", one of them started and my face dropped at the same moment."Since we're nice, we'll just say it once", the other added.

"What if I don't succeed then? If there's a prank, I'm out."

"There won't be anything out of the ordinary, just an extra dose of us", I took a deep breath just imagining what my life would be like with these two following me around the castle. "So are you going to accept or not?", he raised an eyebrow.

I took a deep breath and looked away, a good opportunity had fallen into my hands but I would have the rest of my peace lost if I didn't win, which would be no small thing but a part of me was just screaming to accept it at once, the competitive part, the part that was going to win this little challenge.

"I accept, it won't be that hard", I replied with a smile, a wave of confidence built up inside me and I really thought it wouldn't be a problem at all.

"Okay then", they just walked past me and kept walking and if I could see my forehead, a big question mark would be hanging there, "Hey? You still have to tell me which is which, it was part of the deal", I said, taking a few steps behind them but they soon stopped and looked at me.

"Oh, you're so confident, do you really need us to tell you who's who?", I clenched my hands tightly to hold back the urge to kill him.

"Of course I don't need to but... HEY!It's not polite to leave a person talking alone", they had the audacity to walk off and wave at me on top of that.

7:30 a.m.

I wasn't going to get any help from them, why did I expect to get any? Obviously they don't want me to win but I will and they will have to swallow that. That's my new goal today, screw the herbology paper.

But now it would be more difficult, few people would know the difference, I would have to ask one of his friends or one of the other Weasleys who studied at Hogwarts.

I wasn't intimate with any of them but I had classes with some, we never spoke but I will change that today.

I just hope they actually tell me something useful, one of the twins could have easily told no one to help me and made everything even more difficult.

8:25 a.m

"Hey Kate, what's up?", I said with a smile just as she was about to pass me down the hall, it was really worth it to eat fast or I wouldn't have made it in time.

The expression on her face already told me everything, the same gleam in her eye that twins have when they are disturbing me, why do I get the impression that it won't be so easy?

"Good morning Y/N, do you need anything?", she said leaning against the wall with a mischievous smile that I chose to ignore. "Actually yes, you should already know, the Weasleys challenged me to set them apart and you as a friend should know how, anything is useful, anything really", I liked that she was direct because I could be too. I don't like wasting time with small talk, especially when I don’t have too much time.

"They actually told me it would happen, but they didn't tell me more details, what happens if you lose? Some kind of prank I bet.

"They will annoy me twice as much as they already do, I don't know how you manage to be friends with them, she stared at me for a few seconds and then grinned. "What?"

"I'll help you since you're asking me but maybe you'll soon see that it wouldn't be so bad to lose", I just nodded without really believing it would happen. "Fred is louder and generally more annoying, George is quieter and more careful. You can find out more by noticing for yourself, I'm going to get going, I want to practice a little before class begins", she pointed to the castle entrance.

"Thank you so much Kate, I'll owe you this one. See you later", I smiled and waved as she walked away from me after waving as well.

Now I know the basics but they might try to trick me, switch places or pretend to be the other one. I have to be prepared and there is only one way.

9:00 a.m

The bell rang and the halls filled with heads hurrying not to be late, especially the poor first year students heading for the dungeon. I could see some shaking on the way out of the Great Hall but my destination was completely different, I headed up the stairs along with the other forty years to Minerva's class.

There was no sign of any of the twins, if they had decided to skip this class my plan was destined to fail.

The class was about to start when the two of them entered without any hurry and I smiled internally for having kept an empty chair next to me, just in case.

"Are you gentlemen having a problem with your audition? The bell rang five minutes ago. This kind of behavior is not tolerated, Mr. Weasleys. Minus ten points for Gryffindor", her angry voice boomed, and no one seated dared to breathe.

"It won't happen again, professor", I was surprised not to hear any funny remarks as a comment and I'm sure she was too but didn't show it.

"Sit down and open your books, let's move one more step forward from yesterday's lesson...", she continued talking but I barely paid attention after one of them sat down next to me.

"So, you're George, you can tell me now that I already know", he looked a little surprised for a few seconds but soon regained his posture.

"How did you guess it? I didn't even say anything", he said looking at me intently and I just shrugged, I wasn't about to say since this is clearly a plus for me.

"That's a secret that will stay with me, it wasn't that hard", I commented, dipping my quill into the ink to start writing what Minerva was going over on the blackboard.

Behind us it was possible to hear Fred's excited whispers that I had learned to ignore after all these years. Now it seemed so much easier, it's not as if I hadn't noticed them both all this time, it's a bit impossible since they make themselves present everywhere.

We remained silent, since this is the only way I can concentrate. I even mentally thanked him for that, but it didn't seem to do any good today. My attention kept being drawn to the red-headed boy next to me, I couldn't help it.

Internally I blamed it on my will to win, because to do so I would have to pay more attention to him, that's all my body wanted to do, focus on George Weasley.

I only realized that I was crossing the line when I noticed that his cheeks started to take on a reddish tint and a shy little smile appeared. To make matters worse, there was Fred's giggles, who was watching everything with the best view; there was no way I could get away with this.

After this awkward moment, I forced myself to pay attention even though my desire was to get out of there, since he now decided to start watching me not as discreetly as he thought he was being. I was much better at that.

"Is there a problem?", I mustered up the courage to ask when it was already 15 minutes before the bell rang again.

I noticed him bite his lips and crack a small smile before looking forward again, "why would there be a problem?"

"You were looking at me", I answered quietly so as not to draw attention from the other students and especially from Minerva who was passing between the desks checking to see if everyone was practicing the spells correctly.

"You were looking at me before that, discretion is not your specialty, you know?", I was a few seconds without knowing how to answer that and in the meantime, I could see him savoring the fact that he had left me speechless.

"Yes, I was watching you to differentiate you better from your brother, and why were you looking at me?", I spoke in a direct tone looking him straight in the eyes and the other redhead's laughter sounded behind us and George gave him a nonchalant look, as did the woman, who had just passed us.

"Is something wrong Mr. Weasley?", she asked and of course, everyone around us had to pay attention too, because they had nothing else interesting to do.

"No, I just remembered a joke I heard, I could tell you if you want. I assure you it is very funny", he assured holding back the urge to laugh even harder.

"Your little jokes stay outside the room Mr. Weasley, and you all, if you haven't perfected today's transfiguration can get back to work", she caught everyone's attention and continued walking peacefully.

We ended up getting distracted from the main subject, he obviously took the chance of not answering me and just kept on training as I did.

12:00 a.m

We had the next 3 classes together and I stayed close to them and their friends as well. As I imagined everyone was very nice to me, we could have become friends much sooner if we weren't stuck in a fixed group of friends.

Some things had become much clearer in my head and others even more blurred. They didn't seem to be picking on anyone but me, although it hadn't happened all day. Then why? I was going to find out.

"Will you come sit with us today?", Katie said with an arm around Angelina's shoulders, both looking at me with a smile that wouldn't let me deny them anything.

"Sure, I'd love to. It's kind of funny that we have more things in common than I expected", I remarked as we walked slowly, with the hasty crowd in front of us. I would usually be with them but it's much better this way, time is not as important as catching up with everyone.

"I had no idea you liked quidditch, have you thought about joining the Ravenclaw team?", Angel, as she asked to be called, inquired and at that moment, I should but I didn't notice her gaze leave me and go to the twins, several times.

"I'm not as good at playing as I am at watching, so I prefer to stay in the stands", I replied with a small smile until I noticed everyone in that small group communicating with their eyes, which I chose to ignore.

"So Angeli, since when did you start playing?", I started the subject that was going to last throughout the entire lunch hour and it couldn't be better.

Everyone had some story to tell, I must admit that Fred's and George's were the funniest. At no time was there any kind of awkward silence, or a moment when I was not included in the conversation. I did notice that some of my classmates were surprised that I sat there, but in general they were looking at us because of the noise. Their special talent was talking, which I found refreshing since I could hear more and talk occasionally.

The worst part of it was that I ended up not paying as much attention to either George or Fred as I had planned, although now I know a little more about both of them and my new friends.

3:00 p.m.

After two classes of Aritmancia, I had a free period and many homework assignments to do and as I walked to the library, a familiar voice called out to me.

"Y/N!", I turned around and was faced with George and his broom near the stairs, not so far from me, "We are going to practice a little, do you want to come too?", I was about to say no, as I was already busy but then I remembered, I still had to guess who was who at the end of the day.

I had really forgotten and started to enjoy their company, I had to remind myself that I wanted to win and that it made perfect sense to spend some more time with him, if it meant that I could guarantee it. Or at least, I tried to convince myself of that.

"Sure, who else will be training?", I asked as I walked over to him and then we walked together to the castle entrance and towards the field. "Just Angelina and Fred, the others have classes or something to do," and I just nodded in agreement.

We hadn't spent any time alone since Transfiguration class and I didn't know what to say, as did he but I didn't feel uncomfortable, just lost in my own thoughts.

"You came to watch half the best quadribol team play today. You won't regret it," Fred was the first to speak up as soon as we arrived and I could only laugh, how could one person be so confident? I needed some tips.

"My expectations are higher than you Weasley, you better not let me down after that speech," I wasn't trying to be funny but I heard a chuckle come from the redhead next to me. "You're not out of it George, none of you. But remember, no pressure. I'm only going to judge a little bit," I said smirking, not really taking any of the words I said seriously.

"Go sit down and prepare to be impressed," the black haired girl gave the last words, grabbed her own broom and flew to the three right hoops as I hurried to the stands.

Luckily, I didn't miss much and less than 5 minutes later, I could tell with certainty how good the three were. They took turns as goalkeepers for Angelina, even though it wasn't really their position in the game.And after 15 minutes, the dynamic changed for the two of them to try to hit her, one at a time, for them to practice as beaters.

But honestly, I paid much less attention than I normally do. I couldn't tell them apart from so far away, and this realization made me face the shameless excuse I had created for myself. I just wanted to be there, and the reason for that I wouldn't say out loud.

More than 30 minutes later, the three of them instead of landing on the ground, came flying towards me and stopped by my side.

"So you can talk about how impressed you are now", I pretended to think for a few seconds and the indignation on his face was so funny I almost didn't say it but after such an arduous training like that, they deserved it.

"You guys were amazing, if someone from another house could watch the official training sessions I would really come to see more", I smiled and it was extremely adorable to see George's already red face redden even more after my compliment.

"You already know you can't watch the official practices, we are finally starting to understand each other", Fred said and took a step to hug me and I immediately took one back. "You're soaking wet Fred Weasley, don't even think about it. This is not the time for hugs".

"But I think it's a good idea sweetie, you can't hide from a Weasley, so just accept it", he said with an evil grin on his face and I was ready to run, I hated sweat especially when it wasn't mine but his long legs came into action once again.

"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever experienced, so you have something to be proud of after all", I complained, pulling away seconds after he had cornered me in the hug, which wouldn't have been so bad if it had been any other time.

"If that's the grossest one, you really don't know what's waiting for you honey. This is just the beginning," Angel said with a satisfied smile on his face. "But we better go now, I need a shower and we still have one last class today," she added and flew out of there after waving to us.

"Yeah, I need to take a shower too, I'll see you guys later," Fred said before getting out of there as quickly as possible, leaving me alone with George again.

"Well, do you want a ride? It's much quicker to get down that way," he smiled slightly at me and I agreed without a second thought.

I held his bare arm, because I thought it was better than hugging him and regret appeared immediately because I always had some issues with flying. It wasn't the worst thing in the world but it was far from being one of my favorites.

All I could do was close my eyes as we crossed the field, my hands automatically closed around his arm, the weather was windy and I could feel the shivers that went through his now red skin as well as mine.

It was a few seconds if I'm really honest but it didn't feel like it to me, I've never picked up a broom other than for classes and it's been a long time since I stopped having fun in those classes.

I was brought out of my thoughts when I felt my feet on the ground again.

"I'll see you later then, I haven't forgotten about the bet. You better be prepared," he gave me a beautiful smile and the consequences of that is the only thing I wasn't prepared for.

5:00 p.m.

There are those moments when you have to stop and ask yourself, what the hell is happening to me? For countless reasons obviously, and it was my turn. I didn't come up with any answers that made me blind to reality, which was really frustrating because that way it would be easier for me to just ignore.

But nobody told me it was going to be easy, which is a shame because I would have someone to blame.

All this played out in my head before I received an owl from them, telling me that I could go to the Gryffindor common room to finish our bet, along with the password for the day. I was prepared after being warned by basically all their friends, all I could think of on the way there were some spells, mainly revenge because I wouldn't let it go if there really was a prank.

But what happened was quite different, the place was quieter than I imagined, although they had many people sitting and talking normally including Fred and George.

"Oh hello stranger, you have finally decided to give us the honor of your presence, I can say for everyone, we are all grateful," I had barely stepped into the room when Fred spoke up with the most sarcastic smile I have ever seen, should I be confused?

"If I get all this reception every time I come here, I will definitely come back more often. Thank you, I feel very welcome," I said with an equally big smile, causing him to roll his eyes.

"Okay smartass, it's time for your answer," he continued speaking, the same voice but now that I was close, in front of them, I noticed that there was something very wrong there.

"Why are you talking like that George?", was my only thought, they were imitating each other, the voice was extremely similar, I could never tell the difference just by that, but looking at him, it is impossible to be mistaken.

Their expression dropped on the spot and I realized that there were more people watching me and maybe they knew the plan, because everyone was a little shocked too, was it that simple?

"That's impossible, who was the snitch that told you? Whoever it was, you're going to have a tough future," Fred even stood up and didn't bother to do another voice, he spoke and I was sure I won.

"Nobody told me, I didn't need much to realize that you guys were faking it. He spent the whole conversation scratching his arm, it's been like that all day," I pointed to George who had not taken his eyes off my person so far.

At that moment they looked at each other for a few seconds and then back at me. I should be happy but I wasn't. Even if I wasn't going to admit it out loud, they just proved to me how amazing they are and I wasn't going to lose that.

"Now that I've won, I want to change my reward. It's very simple, I want to reverse the reward and the punishment. I want an extra dose of Weasleys," I had to get a certain amount of shyness out of the way to say this but it was worth it.

It was worth it because I could see a sparkle in both of their eyes that went beyond a successful prank, it was worth it because I had the best years at Hogwarts with the best friends I could ever want. It was worth it because I found the best boyfriend in the world that day. I never thought I would be so grateful for a silly bet.

Harry Potter Masterlist

[hawksugarbaby]

Denki x Gn reader- sk8 boi

Fluff + Bnha / Sk8 the infinity crossover

You sighed following your friends to the skatepark to supervise as usual. You might as well have been babysitting the boys as your only purpose when going to the skatepark was to make sure neither of them died or got run over by the ignorant bikers who seemed to own the park.

"Hey (y/n) do you wanna try today?" Denki asked with a smile and held his board out in front of your face spinning the wheels for added effect. "Yeah wouldn't it be cool if you got on the board just once?" Reki added with his hands pushed together in a plea. "Guys I would 100% break my face and you know it. Just go have fun!" you shoo them away and jump up on the wall to sit and watch. "And i'll be here. As always" you muttered drumming your hands on your thighs and watched the other wheeled transportations slip past you and into the blur of others trying out impressive tricks you could never hope to achieve.

Of course Denki and Reki refused to let the third member of the warm coloured gang, named so because of kaminari's yellow hair, Reiki's red hair, and your orange backpack that always hung off one shoulder, refused to accept that you wouldn't let them teach you. They knew you, you were a quick learner and determined once you picked something up but you were also afraid of failing something, so of course you were hesitant to start skating with them.

On the plus side your running was incredible because of your constant need to keep up with the cheerful boys so you had the energy, the stamina, the strength and the balamce it took to sit on that thin wall all day and not fall off was a clear indicatoryou could balance for hours. You just didn't have the mindset.

"What if we taped their feet to the board?" Reki offered, digging through his bag for a roll of duct tape. "Nah, I think (y/n) would be more scared if they weren't able to get off the board. Langa was used to it so it wasn't a problem with him" Denki rolled his board back and forth under his feet and perked up at the sound of your music blasting through the mini speaker you brought. It was your way of being found if they needed you for a drink or a break or for snacks. "Maybe they just need some encouragement?" the red head smiled waving at you from across the park and you waved back slightly showing them you were paying attention and waiting for them to do something interesting.

Reki had the same mission as Denki, to get you on a board, but he also had to help you with your mission, one that might not be any easier than Denki's

"God he's so stupid and cute" you sighed watching Denki fall for a fourth time trying to do a pop shuvit. With your headphone's firmly lodged in your ears you hadn't noticed Reki standing beside you for the last 2 minutes. He yanked the headphone's out of your ears and you whipped your head around. "HEY!" you shouted trying to swipe them back but he held them out of your reach.

"Did you call Denki cute?" he asked with a gleeful tone and a glimmer of excitement in his amber eyes. "N-no I called him stupid" you stuttered feeling your face flush and you look back at him telling off his board as if it was a person and smile. Out of the corner of your eye you see Reki rearing up to say something and your mouth sets into a hard line once again. "You so called him cute! Do you have a crush on Denki, that's adorable!" he jumped up on the wall to sit with you and he handed you your white headphone's again.

"When did you start to like him?" he asked, nudging your arm and your sigh got stuck in your throat feeling like a useless attempt to get out of the conversation and you shook your head. "I don't have an exact date" you mutter but he looks at you expectantly anyway. "I guess when I started babysitting you guys-" "heeey, you do not babysit us" he interrupted but your facial expression was enough to make him sigh and agree. "Are you gonna tell him?" "fuck no" you laughed.

"Reki what if we-" "I have an idea!" he shouted and dropped his board skating to the music waving for Denki to follow. "What is it!" he shouted weaving through the other skaters and 2 boys on scooters zooming past them screaming. You were chatting politely with another person on the wall who was also babysitting their friends on the scooters. "guys I found another Enby parental figure!" you cheered hi-fiving the person sitting above you who politely waved at your friends then shouted at the boys on scooters for getting in others way's. (lol not an author self insert...)

"(Y/n) we really want you to try skating!" Reki begged, laying his scraped board on your lap and you face palmed. "I know you do. And look if i'm being truthful I would LOVE to learn to skate, but i'm just not built for it!" you argue and Reki grinned jumping onto the wall in a squat and whispered "you get to hold Denki's hands." he sat back and you gulped looking at the oblivious blonde sparking excitedly about the idea of you skating beside him- no, skating just the idea of you skating.

"I don't have the right shoes..." you mumble and Denki crouches to look at the size on the bottom of your chunky heels. "Hey we have the same shoe size!" he shouts enthusiastically and slips off his vans without untying the laces propping them on the wall. "Hold on. You're going to wear my heels just so I can skate?" you hesitantly unbuckle the heels and he nods giving you a spare pair of socks from his bag that he wasn't sure why he kept around. "It just means we're both experiencing challenges right?" Reki sat on the side with your highlighter orange bag excited to watch the bonding experience and your progress.

"Okay but promise me I wont die" you lift yourself off of the wall and nervously follow Denki who was stumbling slightly in your heels, to a quiter, flatter part of the park. "I promise you won't die" he held out his pinky and you wrapped yours around it sealing the promise. "Dude i'm scared to even get on the board nevermind like actually move on it!" you shout jumping up and down shaking your hands nervously. He stood next to you and his arm grazed your making your heart race and your temperature shot up. "It's okay, look I'll hold your hand" he said gently wrapping his hand around yours.

You sucked in a breath and all the air was robbed from your lungs at the same time. His hands were hot and sweaty, constantly pumping out electricity that sparked your hands and made your fingers twitch. "You're shocking me" you admit and he tut's at himself "I know, sorry I can't help it" he gripes and you nod not willing to give him grief for somethinghe couldn’t control.

You lift a foot hovering it over the board and then put it back down on the concrete. "I'm NERVOUSSS!" you shout, unable to detract from the feeling of his hands on yours and you look back at Reki who was watching with giant, hope filled eye's. "I know, everyone is nervous when they first start though" he says and you can almost see the smile he has on his face. Was it supposed to be this hard to get on? You weren't a huge part of Denki's life when he started to skate but you remember Reki taking months and months just to work through the basics, he was constantly disappointed and annoyed until he achieved the trick he was going for, and being quirkless it wasn't like anyone wanted to help him.

"Where am i supposed to put my feet" you ask quietly, feeling embarrassed about something so simple but Denki never thought anything you said was stupid or silly. "Put your left foot at the front on the 4 screws. And your back foot on the back screws" he said, patting the gritty board and held your hands while you nervously lifted your foot. "Okay okay okay" you hyped yourself up internally and squeezed his hands closing your eyes tightly while you put the ball of your front foot on the board.

It wobbled slightly and you gasped but Denki assured you it was fine and you quickly pulled your other foot on the board. "Am I on?" you asked, feeling taller than you were 2 minutes ago. "Look for yourself" Denki said cheerily and you fluttered your eyes open "oh my GOD I'M ON THE BOARD" you cried happily and he grinned from ear to ear admiring the happiness etched on your face. "Do you want me to let go" "NO"

After a good 15 minutes you felt you had a good basis of getting on and off the board, pushing, and turning your foot but you weren't great at stopping yet so you had a few tumbles but of course, Denki, your noght in shining armour was there to help you up on your feet again. "Thank you Denki" you sighed, rubbing your sore shoulder from falling on your side. "Hey you're getting a lot better!" he said happily and you decided to take a break together sitting on the opposite sides of Reki.

"Sooooo... feel any closer?" he asked, nudging your sides and he nodded "yeah their doing a lot better already" Denki smiled and you nodded getting at what Reki meant. "Yeah a lot closer" you smiled lightly and Reki grabbed his own board, dropping it and jumping on. "Well I'm gonna skate for a bit you two just enjoy your company!" he said dropping down a ramp and disappearing in the bowl.

"Thank you for teaching me to skate" you grin, your arms are pushed together and you don't move wanting to be close to him. "Reki's so good at skating" you sigh dropping your head. "Hey you'll get there. It takes time" he assures you and wraps an arm around your shoulders smoothly. "And I would like to help you, um if you're okay with it, obviously, like i'd like to help you along the way" he stammered and you chuckled. "Yeah i'd like that" you smiled leaning against his chest.

Bonus content

From on top of a ramp Reki cheered excitedly, missing his board and falling down the curve scraping his face. "FUCK YEAH!" he shouted into the metal and he felt the clatter of his skateboard drop onto his back. "Fuuuck. (Y/n)!" he shouted. And you, with your keen senses, heard him from the ramp and came running. "I'M COMING!"

[tuz-on-ao3]

Hey, I was reading your fic (I really like it by the way! Sasuke's, my favorite character, and I think you wrote him really well :D), and I was wondering, what's your writing process? I know everyone has something different that works for them, but how do you plan out your chapters, or get ideas, or things like that (very vague, I know, I'm sorry)?

Hiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!! Thank you sugar plum for reading Maybe I’m Paying for the Things I’ve Done and liking my characterization of Sasuke, it’s very heartwarming and I appreciate it. 

As for my writing process, oof. As you know everyone’s writing process is really different and it has been a joy to learn more about other people’s process to help figure out what works for me. This is something you can absolutely cherry pick with and try things out for the first time. 

Timing: some people write better at certain points during the day, some people can start writing at 5am or write till 3am in the morning with a late start. I am a mix of both. I can start writing around 9am because that’s when my internal ticker is like “Let’s go to work now!” It’s just how my school and internship schedule line up. I also just write when I am bored(while in class sometimes) and late at night if I really have the momentum. Which happened for some of the chapters I have written for Maybe I’m Paying for the Things I’ve Done. So figure out what works for you. Also, timing myself sometimes helps, I use Pomodoro as a way to keep track of my work, I don’t necessarily take my short breaks. 

Initial phase of writing: I draft first and I backwards outline as I go along and then I hit a wall. The idea circulates in the back of my mind and I either get a sense of a scene or a situation that I want the characters to go into and I start writing. Writing the story informs me where it’s going to go, it comes to me during the process. However, I will hit a wall. The fics I write are rarely short(shoutout to the people who can do short and sweet, your sense of pacing is unreal and I bow to your greatness) so there is a lot of worldbuilding, plot, and character development that needs to happen. Important thing to note, just because you are writing fanfiction doesn’t mean you can skip worldbuilding. It is very important!!!!!! It doesn’t need to be the crazy amount that I do but you need to set your reader up in a place and time so give some context. 

Timeline: Things happen at certain places and times, and my characters will be a certain age when it happens, so I need to keep track. One of the walls I’ve hit is that for my current posted fic Sasuke spends time in jail, but how much time was not made clear in my non existent early planning and that changes the way things happen. And how old he is, and how much time should I spend on that prison sentence. If it was a long time then I need to talk about it as a life event that will have consequences throughout the entire fic, or if he was just detained until his lawyers came that changes Sasuke’s character. It also is a good way to talk about the criminal justice system of Konoha that I am making up. So I keep track of everyone’s ages, and birthdays, and sometimes I change them. I mean it is really hard for me to write baby ninja that go out into the battlefield when they are four years old and not make the entire fic about a shitty world like that. I don’t want to do that, it’s too fucking hard, and fluff feeds my soul. Also, seasons!!! That changes the way you set up your environment as well, from what I can tell Fire Country should have a monsoon season since they are so forested and are located near the equator of their world. So when that happens, if I decide to include that, is important for pacing of the story. I mean how long should this go on? Also, romance in the rain *hitn hint wink wink* who knows. 

Outlining: I didn’t use to be an outline and to some extent I still am not. I have done a previous post explaining a little bit of it but I backwards outline to keep track of what is happening because it’s a lot of detail and I don’t want to make mistakes. However, spreadsheets are my jam. I didn’t use to be this way but my internship has changed me and now I like spreadsheets as a way to be organized. Huzzah *throws confetti in the air* to being a boring adult person! There are a couple of way to do this but first actual writing notes: 

5 commandments of story 

Inciting incident 

Progressive complications 

Crisis 

Climax 

Resolution 

This is something that helped me a lot when it came to structure, because sometimes my plot points are all happening at the same time and I’m like this makes no goddamn sense, what is happening. Story Grid is a podcast, and a book, and a website that can help you talk about structure. They can also talk to you about the Hero's journey. Take or leave whatever works for you because a lot of their stuff doesn’t work for me. But in doing their spreadsheets and exercises I learned what doesn’t work in a story. It’s how I realized pacing was a problem in my writing, and that I needed to take time away. 

So they have sample spreadsheets that break down books into scenes, turning points, characters on stage, etc. Take what works and leave what doesn’t. 

Back to spreadsheets, I have a story grid one for Maybe I’m Paying for the Things I’ve Done which I will backwards outline for the chapters I have already posted and a weird visual index card thing with the five commandments on my computer to help me figure out what is happening in my story. 

It looks kind of like five boxes side by side with the five commandments written on each one. 

Sometimes there is more than one box for progressive complication and that is fine, it is also fine if every scene you write doesn’t have a resolution, because by the end of the fic you will have one. I split this up by chapter, expected word count, POV. 

Word count: Some people care about this, some people don’t. I don’t write stuff for ‘Maybe’ that is less than 10000 each chapter, there is way too much going on in the fic to do short chapters. For my other works in progress I find that I will be writing shorter, which is both easier and harder because it needs me to be concise and clear. Anyway, I do take notes from Story Grid in this because 50% of my words have to be for my middle build, while 25% each go to the opening hook and to the ending payoff. A scene is about 1200-2000 words. 

Wiggle Room: Shit happens, you don’t do as much one day and you do a lot another. It’s okay, your story will evolve at certain points, it will tell you what to do. Don’t worry about it that much. 

Struggle/villainy: Protagonists are often defined by their antagonists, and if that is the type of story you are writing make sure you spend just as much time on the villain of your story as you do the hero. They are major actors and deserve the attention. When I talk about the Akatsuki I am thinking that they are an international terrorist organization hellbent on kidnapping people that are systematically treated as weapons. There are a lot of moving parts for this. Also the characters themselves, Pein and Konana are radicalized in my story from peaceful revolutionaries to violent ones because they watched the leader of an institution murder their best friend, that will cause personal and political damage. It informs the way I write them or will. 

Sasuke's struggle isn’t necessarily against a person, it is against himself. He wants a home because when he was little the one place where he felt safe was violated by his own brother, that is a hell of a trauma. Then he left his former home to go to Oto. Place has a huge part to play in Sasuke’s characterization and I tag homemaking in my fic because I want to show the process of creating a home for yourself as a process of revival and change and hope and vulnerability. It is a huge emotional labor of love and will be a focal point in the fic. That’s why I spend so much time talking about these goddamn renovations and art deco, it matters. This is a boy who has traveled all over the world and is now trying to put all the pieces of himself into one place, how he does it will be incredibly revealing of his characters. 

Character: Emotional arcs are important for everyone. Try to figure out what your character is going to go through. It helps so much. Victoria Schwab asks her characters three questions:

What do they fear? 

What do they want? 

What are they willing to do to get what they want? 

See if this helps. Also, understand that you got to develop your side characters as well, they act as a foil for the main character and add richness to the story, you will notice if they are flat. Understand the dynamics they bring to the story and to the world. Are they a woman in a field that is more socially acceptable for men? How does that affect them? What does gender look like in this world and how does this affect your characterization? Have they gone through physical/emotional trauma? Because that shit will keep coming up in a story, healing takes time. Also this is a fanfic, do whatever you want honey bear. 

Vocab: the lovely @slexenskee told me to have a running doc of vocabulary and I am trying to do that. 

I also have a running doc for a fic/character where I put all my brainstorming, little scenes, lines, vibes, questions into. And a doc for the synopsis of any new fic ideas I get. 

Inspiration: Read, a lot. I read fics, I read fiction and fantasy books, I read non fiction and I read about other people’s writing process. I read the news, I read twitter threads, I read random quotes on Pinterest. I watch tv shows and take note of how they do characterization or pacing or plot. I listen to music, I couldn’t live without it. I am on Pinterest looking for vibes or aesthetics for my fics. When I first started writing, since my fic was inspired by another fic, I was worried it would be too similar, that worry is fading because I am doing more writing, and more reading as well. But you must consume culture in order to produce it. Also take breaks, sometimes you figure stuff out if you leave it alone or talk to friends about it. If you reach out to me about it, I will do my best to help so feel free. 

IMPORTANT: DO NOT BE A RACIST/HOMOPHOBIS/TRANSPHOBIC/MISOGYNIST. UNDERSTAND THAT WHEN YOU WRITE A FANFICTION THE CHARACTERS ARE CODED IN A CERTAIN WAY. DON’T GO AROUND MAKING PEOPLE OF COLOR WHITE OR MORE LIGHT SKINNED THAN THEY ARE. WOMEN AND NON BINARY PEOPLE EXIST ALWAYS, IF YOU ARE NOT WRITING THEM INTO YOUR WORLD THAT MEANS YOU ARE MARGINALIZING THEM IN YOUR WORLD AND IN YOUR MIND. IF YOU ARE CISGENDERED BE DAMN CAREFUL ABOUT WRITING TRANS NARRATIVES, PROBABLY DON’T. WHEN I DECIDED TO INCLUDE MY OWN CULTURE INTO SASUKE’S CHARACTER AND PAST I DIDN’T MEAN TO MAKE HIM LESS EAST ASIAN BUT TO ADD PARTS OF MYSELF TO THE WORLD. ACCEPT AND ADAPT TO CRITICISM COMING YOUR WAY IN THIS SENSE. I AM SURE YOU WILL BE FINE, THIS IS JUST A STANDARD DISCLAIMER. 

This was really long, and I hope you won't mind. Thanks again for this question, and let me know how your writing goes. Also listen to Deadline City the podcast.

#answers #fic writing #process #naruto 

[contrabandhothead]

Hi, I hope you're having a great day! I was wondering if I could get a ship? I'm blond with hazel eyes, and I'm around 5'3. I love painting, and my plants. I'm generally very quiet and polite, but if someone hurts one of my friends I will fight them (verbally). Basically sitting down with a Disappointed™ look and call then out on their bullshit. I don't like being in a leadership position but I will take charge if necessary. Thank you!!

Ron Speirs 

listen 

you remind me of Lipton

I don’t know why 

you just do 

play along with me here m’kay 

anyways moving onnnnn

I think you’d balance out Ron really well 

he’s too reckless and spontaneous to function half the time

you don’t change him (because you don’t want him to change obviously who would want that) but you do bring out the better side of him 

your Mom Friend™ instincts actually make him pay attention to his own wellbeing more often

i love height difference

did i mention how much i love height difference??? BECAUSE I LOVE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE- 

this man is around 7 inches taller than you, calculated that just for you luv

hair color contrast... THE FLAVOR OF THIS SHIP 

i think he really admires your talent for painting, but he’d probably only admit it to you when you’re alone and he’s sleep deprived

he’s very private about his relationships in general 

but he’s soft af™ for you 

your house is filled from wall to wall with your paintings and plants

i think that you guys are one of those couples that can sit in comfortable silence without it being super weird and you’re both just like chill with it 

so like 

vibes 

admires your loyalty to your friends and the full 180° your personality can do in order to protect them

honestly 

he’s whipped 

what a freakin simp 

i think you both push each other outside of your comfort zones in the best way possible 

he pushes you to take charge and be a leader, and you push him to take care of himself and actually think logically instead of just acting immediately 

OK SO HOW YOU GUYS MET BECAUSE WE DISH OUT FULL STORYLINES IN THIS HOUSEHOLD- 

you were a member of Easy Co. 

you and Lipton were best friends, you were his right hand man 

when Dog Company was fused into Easy Co., Speirs learned to respect you and Lip r e a l quick

especially since all the men respect you guys like crazy 

now listen 

you didn’t actually have an important rank in Easy Co. 

Lip just has you there for emotional support (he really needs it lets be honest) 

and we all know that Speirs respects Lip, so he automatically respects you 

thinks you’re badass 

now like 

Carwood knows you very well, especially since you guys have been through a literal war together

so when he sees you and Speirs he’s just like “oh... o H” 

he knows what’s going on even if you don’t know 

but he’s not gonna mention it until you figure it out for yourself and forbids any of the men from talking about it 

and it’s Momma Lip, so of course all the boys keep their lips sealed 

you and Ron weren’t particularly close, you had more of a begrudging respect for each other 

see, the reason your relationship was like that at the beginning was because Ron has trust issues and that’s no secret 

he doesn’t wanna get close to anyone 

especially not someone he knows he’s gonna fall in love with 

*laughs in future* oh how the turn tables have turned

but he slowly starts to feel himself turn his gaze toward your back every now and then 

he’s more of an admire from afar type of person 

you always felt someone’s gaze burning into you 

but you never found out who it was 

it’s not like you’re gonna run around asking everyone if they like to stare at you in their free time 

but you could spot bullsh*t from a mile away 

and wowwwwww did Ron try to bullsh*t a lot 

especially his feelings 

you always took it upon yourself to make sure that he was doing fine after another man was lost or a battle didn’t go as expected 

Ron appreciated that 

but unfortunately for him, that just made him fall even harder

his respect for you began to blossom into something more, and there was nothing he could do to control it no matter how hard he tried 

his fondness of you began to show 

always asking the other officers if he could be on your watch shift or take you along for missions 

Nixon just smirked at Winters 

Winters just shakes his head 

however, his longing stares all came to a stop one day when the unexpected happened 

we all know Ron can pull some dumb b*tch moves 

but you almost lost it when this moron ran across yet ANOTHER battle field where people were OPEN FIRING to get to your position 

he finally gets there (somehow untouched, a miracle) and he’s just like “hey” 

and you’re like 

“hey? HEY!?” 

“you just ran across an entire battlefield, you could’ve been shot or killed, and all you have to say is HEY?” 

“...” 

“yeah? should I have said something else?” 

you’re practically screeching at him at this point, he’s so dumb sometimes 

you just give him that look of Disappointment™ 

and shake your head 

“Just please don’t do it again. I think I’m more likely to die of a heart attack from you running across a battefield than die from actually getting shot.” 

you just pecked his lips and turn back to your gun

“Anyways, let’s focus. We’ve got a war to win.” 

Ron is shocked and internally screaming 

he always thought he’d have to be the one to make the first move, especially since you’re so quiet and he’s never seen you do something so bold

he’s secretly relieved though, he didn’t know if he had the guts to do it either

he grins to himself before looking forwards, determined to survive this war now that he actually has something important to go home to 

I hope you liked this and that it lives up to expectations because I’m writing it really late... I hope you had a fantastic day, and if you didn’t, I hope this made it a little better!❤︎

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

INFP 4w5 back :) Thanks for answering things! I'm sorry I didn't give enough information to actually have you help me - I will do so now! I am 24. I love reading stories, both for the emotional connection to characters, and then fun of imagining myself in their adventures (I mainly read fiction). I am an artist and a writer - I do so because I enjoy expressing my views, experiences, and insights in beautiful/interesting/creative ways. I also love the act of creating in general - my mind is very

INFP cont: busy, and it helps me either slow that down or connect my brain to my body (I admittedly spend way more time in my head, but working with my hands and brain at the same time helps me feel connected to the outside world). 

So before I go on: this was a very long ask and I will therefore be ���interrupting’ throughout in bold for my typing logic rather than rephrasing stuff down at the bottom.

Placing yourself in the story: that’s often the goal of stories anyway (and why self-insert is a whole thing) but it is consistent with Fi. Self-expression is something a lot of people like but it is particularly important to 4s. Brain-body connection as described here makes me think more Ne-Si axis but it’s hard for me to quite articulate why so...don’t quote me.

I like hanging out with my family and close friends - I hate being in crowds or in the spotlight. I find them overstimulating but also boring and I don't know what to do with body or what to say.

Pretty consistent for introverts who are intuitive (not just introverts who are intuitive but I’m going into this assuming it’s an INFP vs. INFJ thing unless I see blatant evidence for high Si or Se which so far I don’t.

I love being in nature - this is a new thing though, noticing nature for itself has only started happening since I was 20. I always liked the way it made me feel but didn't pay much attention to it in a sensory way until recent years. Now I love how peaceful and happy it makes me, how physically beautiful it is, but also all the ideas it generates in me - I think everything in nature is a symbol for something and it so fun trying to guess what those things are, or to make art out of things I find in the woods.

Could be either Ne-Si or Ni-Se for what it is; the age of onset is making me think tertiary sensing, plus the guessing the symbol rather than being more decisive makes me think Ne.

I also really love history and fantasy. History because I ideloize old ways of doing things (like gardening, pioneering, etc) ideal and exciting. I try to incorperate those things into my life and would like to be a homesteader or live in a bus one day, because it feels really free, and also I think connects us back to the way humans are meant to live.

Idolization of an idealized past is often weaker Si (nostalgia/sentimentality are often low Si things, contrary to popular belief that it’s higher Si. Seriously, talk to the average ESTJ, they have no nostalgia unless something changed drastically for the less efficient.)

I care a lot about people and social justice, but it tires me out, so I don't actually spend a lot of time engaging. I like listening to my friends and helping them sort out their feelings. I used to be really bad at DOING things for my friends, but I started to realize it was hurting them, so I am trying more and more to not just be a listening ear, but actively engage in their lives. I'm always torn between wanting to help people and make the world a better place, and just being free and doing what I want and find life giving.

At this point I’m already as you can tell leaning towards INFP much more. This also seems more INFP, with your Fi slowly realizing and maturing to a point where you are better able to care for others and meet them on their terms rather than your own.

I think A LOT, and I am very interested in understanding theories, concepets, anazlying people.

All intuitives like concepts, and while I dislike the assertion that introspection is the sole purview of introverts or intuitives, they definitely do it a lot.

Why I'm wondering if I might be an INFJ instead of an INfP? Mainly because two people I respect mentioned they thought I might be.

Yeah...without more than just “caring & empathetic” I wouldn’t put too much weight on it.

I had always thought I was just an INFP (MAYBE an ISFP, but I don't feel like a doer enough or in touch enough with the physical world - other then finding it super beautiful and day dreaming about it).

I’d agree, I’m really not getting much Se from your asks.

But they specifically thought my Fe seems very high - I am emotionally expressive, I care a lot for others, and I'm very sensitive to the emotional feel of people/places/situations.

So, sensitive to the emotional feel and emotional expressiveness are just feeler things. Without rephrasing the whole Fi/Fe post I always refer back to, I find that while high Fi users’ feelings tend to come from a more internalized place sometimes or are less typical in some of their reactions, they still are pretty emotionally expressive especially compared to your average thinker. There are a lot of very reserved IxFJs and very expressive IxFPs and the uneven stereotypes of constantly crying INFPs/IxFJs hiding their emotions for the sake of harmony hammer that point home.

I also tend to get hunches about situations and people, like what might happen or that I should/shouldn't do something, or about why someone is upset/happy, and am right pretty often (is that maybe dom Ni? with some Fe? or is that also Ne?)

Hunches can be anything; intuition is specifically preferring them over physical evidence (sensing is the opposite, so sensors often ignore their hunches if there’s evidence otherwise). Hard to tell because hunches are also related to thin slicing in neuroscience which is just a brain thing. Also this can be Si that you don’t realize is working - like, you’ve seen it before, but don’t consciously realize it.

I also wonder if my constant thinking and trying to figure things out (like obsessively trying to figure out my type) is Ti?

Eh, humans are curious and we all like to think. Ti is a specific approach to logic that for some reason got credit for way more (hint it was David Keirsey)

And I love talking about my feelings and am very comfy with it, which apparently lots of INFPs aren't?

Some aren’t, some are, see stuff above re: emotional expressiveness.

I also avoid conflict in public - I don't avoid it at all with my family, I avoid it moderately with good friends, and won't get into public debates. However, I will speak up in public if I think someone is doing something really wrong.

Could be enneagram 9 which is pretty common in Fi doms; it’s also just part of upbringing, that it’s not polite to start an argument in a lot of social situations, but okay with people you’re close with or if it’s something egregious.

I feel like I have a hard time expressing my opinions well verbally (Im fine writing), and it makes me afraid I won't say what I actually mean, and I also am afraid of the rage I feel in conflict and don't want to hurt others feelings by unleashing that.

W/r/t expression, that sort of conflicts with some of the emotional expressiveness you’d mentioned earlier, but either way tracks more with introversion than anything else. Fear of strong anger makes me wonder if you’ve enneatyped yourself correctly, though obviously I can’t tell if it’s your greatest fear. But I’d take a seriously look at 9 gut fixes.

I also don't like people trampling on my beliefs, so often just won't express them with those I'm not real close to. But I've read that high Fi users don't avoid conflict, and high Fe users do? And I am very willing to consider other people's points of view and MAYBE change my opinion, but thats pretty rare. I'm also a very empathetic listener - I think before speaking, ask good questions, and make noises to assure them im listening, which Ive also read is Fe. is that enough info?

Not liking people trampling on beliefs is pretty universal - even people who behave in an extreme doormat way usually don’t particularly like it deep down. For conflict avoidance see notes on enneagram 9. Openness to other points of view could come from Ne seeing different options, or Fi accepting other’s opinions as being able to coexist with your own usually; it’s also just a healthy adult thing to do regardless of type. Same goes for listening - those are all learned skills and so ask yourself if you did those when you were younger. I did mostly by the time I was 24 but I sure didn’t when I was 17, whereas people with higher feeling, and to some extent higher Fe more than Fi, tend to pick those up a bit more naturally and therefore earlier.

ah one last thing! I take a very long time to make descions - I want to make sure I'm doing/getting the best/right thing. which also seems not very INFP?

Not sure where you got that idea - indecisiveness until you know the optimum response is EXTREMELY INFP. Specifically Ne.

And I get very afraid of not having the idealized visions and dreams of the future I crave - I'm okay with the exact details being flushed out over time, but there are general dreams I will not give up. I've read thats more Ni then Ne?

It is but given the context of everything else, I think this can come from Fi if you see those dreams as identity, and ultimately everyone has goals and dreams.

Oh shit, thought of more things. I SUCK at finishing things - it takes crazy hard work for me to finish a project. I just get... bored and move on. Or procrastinate because other things are more interesting in the moment. But I'm also fairly academic and analytical - can INFP's be that? I find it very stimulating and when Im interested in a topic I want to learn EVERYTHING about it and understand it fully. And I hate when I have a mental problem that I can't solve. I will obsess.

INFPs can be analytical but it’s not your primary way of going about the world (nor is it for INFJs for that matter). Do you like it a lot in specific, lower-pressure contexts (say, academia)? That can be you exploring lower functions. It’s worth considering how you go about being analytical, and whether it seems more Te or Ti. The unsolved problem issue also depends on context, and learning everything can be Ne wanting all the information to fuel a very divergent thought process.

INFP 1,000: And I forgot the thing. I also orgionally started questioning because of my love for sensing things - I love physical beauty in home decor, nature, clothes, etc, and I love being in nature. When I was a teen and very stressed/unwell I overindulged in sensory things like sex/food/drinking/cutting, because it made me feel alive. In the same way now, engaging my senses in healthy ways makes me feel alive. But I do feel pretty crap at it. Which made me wonder if I had inferior Se.

OK so this isn’t directed at you but good lord does inferior Se get almost as much of a mythical out of proportion blow-out as dom Ni. A lot of inferior Se-credited unhealthy behaviors, while definitely present in dom Ni users, are also fairly universal. Namely, all the sensory things you mention will lead to endorphin rushes (hence the feeling alive - it’s brain chemistry) and all are pretty common coping mechanisms for depression, anxiety, or stress to the point that two of them are on the PHQ-9 depression screening. You would be hard pressed to find someone who’d never indulged in at least one under stress, and most people have indulged in several. This has been my PSA that typing based on inferior Se behaviors is a dangerous game for exactly that reason.

Anyway: overall, I see strong evidence for INFP and I’d look at enneagram 9 for some of the more conflict avoidant parts; perhaps more than 4 even though it could just be a strong 9 gut-fix as the second part of your tritype, and maybe a 5 head fix for the analytical stuff. Unless you have more details on the people who typed you INFJ I can’t really refute their arguments,but I see much more INFP for the reasons above.

[omglr]

You're now chatting with a random stranger.

You both like feminism.

You: hi

Stranger: m

Stranger: hi

You: F

Stranger: age

You: 34

Stranger: what do you think of men

You: meh

Stranger: what do you think of women

You: yeah!

Stranger: is this what feminism is about?

You: no i'm just a lesbian

Stranger: hahaha you know our conversation up until now can be a great meme

Stranger: with 'lesbian' as the perfect punchline

You: well, we do like fisting

Stranger: why are lesbian lol, why dont u switch to me haha

Stranger: are u*

Stranger: men*

You: idk, thats how it worked out

You: women are attractive to me

Stranger: Is it you being a lesbian a display of resistance against patriarchy?

You: its a perk

You: but i'm not a "political lesbian"

Stranger: what kind are u

You: a lesbian,

You: also, fairly political,

You: but in the 70s there were a variety of 2nd wave feminists who swore off men even though they were straight and became "political lesbians" even though they weren't atttracted to women

Stranger: you mean turning lesbian as a resistance to patriarchy was really a thing?

You: yeah

Stranger: damn. Did it work?

You: eh... idk

You: its similar to MGTOW

You: but with gay lady sex

You: and forrest communes

You: it was a whole movement

Stranger: tell me this. when you talk to men. what emotion do you internally go through? Do you feel prejudice against him? Or Is it something like 'I gotta be on guard I dont know whether this person is rapist', or '

You: eh, yeah, i sometimes worry about violence or rape from dudes, but i can get along with a lot of guys fine,

Stranger: the ones you get along with, do you interactions with them any different than with other women? or do you have certain coldness towards because you know this is the gender that oppressed you all history?

Stranger: are interactions*

Stranger: towards them*

You: eh, not really, i can be friendly and affectionate with guys i like, i generally want to like people

You: but like, i don't hang out with rich dudes or loud jock dudes

You: and yeah, i'm way more upset at the rich for their oppression than men at this point

Stranger: how is the rich oppressing u more than men

You: capitalism man

You: i live in an oligarchy

You: rich people can do what ever they want and shape society to benefit them

You: we are probably all gonna suffer greatly due to climate change cause the people who are making money off of how the system works now, don't want to give up their power or change anything

You: so its butts

Stranger: you can't change this tho. better be mad about things that can be changed

You: nah, i'm gonna be mad about shit that is effecting me and my loved ones, its healthy to be aware of what the cause is

You: and direct my anger to the cause, other wise i'm gonna misdirect it towards my friends

You: plus, its not hopeless, we can stand up to rich

You: folks

You: we have numbers, and most their money is digital / artificial

You: anyway, that's basically what feminism is for me

You: its a useful tool for class analysis

You: and a guidance for justice

Stranger: feminism isnt related to class

Stranger: as far as i know

You: c'mon bud

You: have you heard of intersectionality?

Stranger: I stopped paying attention to terms now

You: well it came in big during 3rd wave feminism in the 90s

You: when feminism was trying to refocus to cover more understandings of oppression than like white lady feels

You: thinking about the intersections of sexism, racism and classism,

You: as well as ableism, homophobia, transphobia, and so on

Stranger: did that start in the 90s?

You: i'm sure convos were happening earlier too

You: roughly late 80s early 90s is where i would put 3rd wave

Stranger: I don't know, but I think current one now has refocused purely on lady issues again. atleast that's the kind that stays in the spotlight

You: well, i think that's mostly the click bait phenomenon

Stranger: look at twitter

You: like shit that is sorta outrageous sounding gets a lot more attention

You: like, "manspreading"

You: like, men taking up space in general is an issue, but the politics of crossing your legs on a bus gets clicks on both sides of the issue and is talked about way more than the complex economic trickery that rich people can do to avoid paying taxes

You: and one is kinda more important than the other

Stranger: how're the women around you? are they like the manspreading feminists or they're more like you?

You: eh, idk, a bit of both

You: like i get bored and can use shit i've learned about feminism to analyze situations and can come up with hot takes that are at least 50% stupid cause society is atleast 50% stupid and ridiculous,

You: so idk, if my shitposting tweets ever went viral or got shared on mra forums maybe i would be the postergirl for how ridiculous and pointless feminism is too

You: sorry, i am just ranting now

Stranger: it's alright. so you're part of the man hating culture of twitter too huh? :p

You: sure

Stranger: do you feel when u do that?

Stranger: feel good*

You: nah, i mean i try not to get into shit on twitter

You: i kinda use twitter to get out my energy that might be put towards flame wars

You: its not a good feeling to get involved in

Stranger: ok, do you atleast get the psychology of them that do these? Why do they do it? Is it the loneliness or something?

You: oh, yeah idon't know.

You: probably boredom, or for building social capital

You: for the lolz of ammusing their friends/followers

You: but some folks are crazy dedicated to twitter fights and ideological warfare

You: like terfs or gamergaters or fandoms

Stranger: I mean how do they have meaningful relationships in real life after all the flame wars. Aren't their relationships affected?

You: i am not sure

You: i mean, i stopped getting into fights on facebook over concerns for a larger community

You: but my personal relationships aren't really effected

You: cause i'm super smart and my loved ones agree with me

You: lol, that's a joke

Stranger: where are you from

You: canada

You: you?

Stranger: I see. Canada is a very pro-women

Stranger: uk

You: it tries

You: what time is it there?

Stranger: I see countless answers on quora of men complaining that men are becoming second citizens to women now. is it true?

Stranger: 6 am

You: its 1:17am where i am

You: i think that's some kinda weird bias

You: like, where if women talk 30% of the time, men come away with the impression that women were talking much more than 50% of the time

You: idk if that's true, but that was a study that was popular on social media a few years back

Stranger: it's not about talking, i see them mostly talking about rights, and in general specialised treatment of women.

You: anyhoo, i'm getting real sleepy

You: yeah, idk,

You: i am gonna head out, nice chatting with you

Stranger: sure, it was nice talking to you!

You: :) take care

You have disconnected.