#i'm going to go to the store and if they don't have My Yarn then i'm getting some yarn for a hook holder i saw (which will be my third WIP) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hunnylagoon · 1 year ago

Text

Candy

PT1: Sober to Death

Ellie Williams x Reader

I’m home and here to stay like a ghost to haunt. You can’t shake me off your back for I linger in your head like carelessly uttered curse. Summer falls to ashes in my mouth and so I will spit them into your urn, just like that all of my devotion turns violent.

Premise: After a mental break you are being held together by nothing but glitter glue and craft yarn. You seek refuge with an old friend in a coastal town to live the life you thought you left behind.

Warnings: SENSITIVE THEMES / reader is a recovered addict / mentions of drug and alcohol abuse / angst / brief mentions of violence / possibly triggering discussions of drug addiction

Read at your own discretion

Inside me, something seethes. Inside me, some feral animal has been forced into a cage where it thrashes and screams. Perhaps I will turn into a snarling wolf and rip out the throats of each girl who made me go home crying in middle school. Maybe I will don the pelt of a sheep and surprise all of those who convinced me it was a good idea to try ketamine when I shed my cloak and reveal my long curled claws and fangs sharp as knives.

I'm heartless at worst and helpless at best.

I don't know how else to be. I was raised like a stick of dynamite lit from both ends and I can describe in detail how the earth warps beneath my feet or how I watch the sky bend until it snaps and collapses onto a body too tired to lift it back up.

Everything miles ahead of what I was, to them, I was only ever an addict. Cursed with the nickname 'popper' since tenth grade and everyone thought it to be nothing more than a joke they didn't know how I found serenity in the tablet of acid that rested on my tongue.

It started with pot and drinking on the weekends then flew into full-blown benders when I swallowed back synthetic sunshine like it was candy. None of my friends thought I would end up with my back plastered on my dorm floor, eyes wide with what once was a bottle of pills frothing out of my mouth.

It took me two overdoses to get here, had to put my white blood cells to work.

"I didn't think you'd be up this early," Joel smiled at me, he was nursing a mug of coffee, a plate in front of him with a half-eaten piece of toast and a golden yoke running onto the porcelain. That might've been my favourite thing about the farm, fresh eggs. Once you have them you can never go back to the sad pale grocery store eggs.

"That makes two of us," I pulled out a chair from the wooden dining table and sat down. Joel had put so much love into this home. These days I’m too nauseous to eat breakfast.

"Ellie doesn't even wake up this early," He took a slug of his black coffee, the scent was strong, filling up the entire house, I could smell it the second I woke up. "How's the room? Is everything to your liking?"

I had felt so guilty for free-loading off Joel whom I hadn't seen since I was twelve, it had been eight years. He sent me cards on my birthday every year but I never was able to grasp how close our parents had been. I'm pretty sure I was friends with Ellie when I was little, there were pictures of the two of us hugging each other and playing beneath sprinklers, my front teeth missing, Ellie covered head to toe in Spider-Man band-aids. I didn't have any recollection of us when we were close, as we got older we got more stiff around each other. When my family would visit, she would hang out with her friends and I would keep to myself. Of course, my parents moved us to the city where everything hit me too hard all at once. "It's perfect, thank you."

"It's pretty hard to peel yourself off that mattress, huh?" Joel smiled at me, showing me every ounce of warmth he had when I was a child.

I nod in response "So much more comfortable than those stiff dorm mattresses," It almost felt like I was making conversation with a ghost.

"Since you're up so early, care for a tour while I do some chores?" He asked. I had been here a few days already, though I just kept to myself I didn't want to impose on his pleasant life with his daughter who hadn't called him at three am sobbing because she had too many opioids. I had wandered briefly around the farm of course and I had remembered bits and pieces of it from my childhood but I felt so out of place that I mainly locked myself inside of my temporary room and lived through my friend's Instagram stories.

"I'd love to," I smile politely, unsure of what else to do.

"Do you think you're gonna go back to school?" Joel asked as he stood up with his plate and mug in hand and began to wash them in the stainless steel sink. "No pressure, there's life outside of a lecture hall."

This was a question I had been thinking about day in and day out. I was a year and then some into getting my degree when my 'fun habits' began spiralling uncontrollably. My parents had managed to snag me a two-year deferral so I could go to rehab and go back to school the following year but I was so full of shame that I shook with the thought of going back. For the first time in my life, I am afraid I have no real desires.

When I was dead inside a motel bathtub, I thought I needed to be somewhere different but now that I'm there, I need to be someone different too. "I'm not really sure right now, just please don't tell my parents I said that."

"Secrets safe with me," He opens a cabinet and pulls out a bag of cat food, shaking it until a scrawny calico cat appears out of thin air. Pepper happily devours the food Joel puts in her little bowl. I remembered Pepper, she was a kitten way back then and I would cut open socks to make clothes for her. "You should just know that it's never too late."

Very early in my life, it was too late. "Thanks, Joel," Not yet a corpse and still I rot like all of my ambitions turn to sludge at my tired feet.

He looks around, exhaling a deep breath, trying to scope out anything else he has to do in the kitchen. "You outta get geared up, I'm gonna wake up Ellie then me and you can get to work."

I nod in agreement even though I'm not sure what he means by 'gear up' so I figure that's just him saying to put on a hoodie and some rain boots. I stand awkwardly by the door, waiting for Joel. Absentmindedly I rock back and forth on my heels hands clasped together. I'm twenty years old but I feel like I'm twelve again, trying to find a place for myself in someone else's life.

I thought of the last time I was in this house. I was twelve, unaware of the future that awaited me, I had buried a time capsule with Ellie and her cousins somewhere on this property. Writing to my future self, talking about all of the things I should be. If only she saw the brain-rotten zombie that was her destiny.

My parents had told everyone back home I was backpacking across Australia and taking a break from academics to see the world. In the eyes of those who knew me well and were more than aware of what happened, it was a shame to them that I had wasted a sharp brain and a pretty face. It takes a whole lot of strength the endure myself.

It doesn't take long for Joel to walk back down the creaky stairs, Ellie trailing behind him, sleep in her eyes. She's in boxers and one of Joel's old t-shirts, hair still messy and unbrushed. Ellie yawns and gives me a little wave- it wasn't really a wave, just her raising a hand in my direction as an acknowledgment.

We hadn't spoken much since I got here, I had met her in the past but we didn't know each other. A lot can change in eight years. She wasn't unfriendly toward me, we indulged in small talk and laughed at each other's jokes but each conversation was so shallow I wanted to lay face down and drown in them.

Ellie goes straight for the fridge, unlike her dad, she pours milk into a sickly sweet cereal which seems cavity-inducing. She was back from college for the summer, taking advantage of her father's love and food. Joel walked over to where I was standing at the door, slipping into his mucking boots. "While you're both here," He says before looking at me "How much do you know about boats?"

I furrow my eyebrows "A good bit I guess?" I answer, figuring he was just trying to rekindle a spark between Ellie and me that had been put out eight years ago by rain, ocean spray, and vodka.

"Y'know, Els," He gestures towards me "This one used to work at her parent's marina, they tell me she's done a couple of repairs and I bet she could give you some pointers on how to fix up that boat." I'm confused by his words, this is the first I've heard about a boat. Joel can see the uncertainty on my face "Her uncle gave her a piece of shit boat last summer before she went back to school, over the year I guess some teenagers thought it was a good hideout and trashed it even more."

"Seriously?" Her head pokes up "It would be great if you could come down with me later, she just needs a little love," Ellie spoons some cereal into her mouth. I had always thought it weird how people spoke about their boats like they were women, I even caught myself doing it on occasion. "Only if you want to, of course."

"Sure," I agree, no idea how much repair this boat was in need of "I've got nothing better to do."

I could tell Joel counted this as a win. I knew he had been commuting with my parents and how desperately they wanted me to keep myself occupied for the summer. "Well, we've got some work to do, kiddo."

After a solid five hours of following Joel around like a duckling and re-learning all the names of the animals, I was walking with Ellie toward her pickup truck. "Wanna drive?" She asks as we walk to the long beaten driveway

"Oh, I can't." The coolness of the morning has ebbed away into a borderline unbearable heat, I wasn't sure how Ellie was absolutely unfazed in her Jeans, T-shirt, and trucker hat.

"You never got your licence?"

"No, it got taken away."

She cracks a grin "Jeez, what did you do? Hit a pedestrian?" Ellie teases.

"Something like that," Truthfully, my licence got revoked after I got a DUI and swerved my car off the highway, I was too high to realize the danger I was in and laughed the entire time warm blood pooled from a gash in my head that had to be stapled shut. Luckily my parents can throw money at anything and the problem will go away.

She hops in the truck, there are little bits and pieces of it that show how it's lived in. A rubber duck with sunglasses sits on the dashboard and I'm partially surprised it hasn't melted in the sweltering heat.

As beautiful and scenic as the drive down to the docks is, it's also extremely awkward, only on my end, Ellie seems completely unfazed. Travelling down the dirt roads until we finally hit the pavement.

The salty breeze of Andromeda Cove carries conversations of clubbing and tanning, mingling with the sweet scent of coconut sunscreen and sea salt. Colourful beach umbrellas dot the shoreline. Seagulls glide effortlessly overhead, their calls blending seamlessly with the distant laughter of beachgoers. Quaint shops and cafes line the bustling boardwalk, offering an array of surfboards, souvenirs, and freshly caught seafood delicacies.

The Cove was immune to those gross and bland modern buildings that looked like something I would've made in Minecraft as a kid. Everything down here was local and kept its charm even after all these years. "Do you ever miss it here?"

"I don't remember much of it to be honest."

"Really?" She asks, taking a turn down to the docks "It doesn't seem like it was that long ago."

"Yeah, my memory just isn't very good." My lungs are burnt and my brain is fried. You could tell me that I was in cheerleading for five years of my life and I would probably believe you.

"Alright."

I hadn't remembered her being this quiet but then again I don't remember much, I should probably write down everything I can before Alzheimer's sets in. There are lapses in my mind where memories should live, I recall my life through glimpses.

Ellie takes her keys out of the ignition and hops out of the truck, leading me down the docks. I keep guessing in my head which boat belongs to her and then the second I spot it, I know and how I dread. It's a sailboat or what's left of one, sharpie graffiti scribbled all around it. The word 'wanderlust' had once been titled along the side though the first half was scratched out by what I assume were those teenagers Joel mentioned so it just said 'lust'.

Ellie had no problem climbing aboard, I on the other hand had doubts that it could support the weight of two people, let alone itself. There were chips of white paint scraped off, Ellie motioned for me to get on deck "How long has this been abandoned?"

She waves me off "There's freedom that comes with abandonment."

I raise an eyebrow "Sinking in a boat that's docked is a very lame way to die."

"Nah," She says "We can haunt the marina."

She holds out her hand for me to take it and with hesitation, I do. Stepping over the gap between the dock and the boat, I haul myself over the rails. Even in the dark, I could make that climb, it was almost like muscle memory from working at my parents marina summer after summer. "She's a beauty, yeah? In her own special kind of way," Ellie pats the side of the companionway. "I actually made some progress on it last summer, if you can believe me."

"I don't know if I can," I look around, following her as we duck into the saloon.

She reaches for a notebook with a pink sharpie clipped onto it on the table of the saloon and turns to face me "Whoever was here must've been a real wordsmith, what I can't figure out is how the words got out of the notebook and onto my walls."

I crawl onto the cushioned V-berth to get a better look at all of the writing on the walls. Most of it had been poetry, not Edgar Allen Poe but the kind that only an angsty teenage girl on the verge of a mental break could've written.

The Statue of Juliette:

May I ask what you have done to women?

That your hands have only learned to harm one

Hand after filthy hand

Is dragged

Groped

Caressed

Prodded

Over my rusted skin

The things I have seen

The things I have endured

No water can clean me

No blanket can warm me

Take a hammer to my bronze flesh

And I will thank you for your kindness

As my body crumbles and clatters against cobblestone

I am eternally grateful

For this is the gentlest act I have ever faced

"I know," Ellie says, and I look back to meet her sharp gaze "A real Sylvia Plath.”

"Is this your candle?" I reach for it on the ground, it's halfway through its life. A vanilla bean bath and bodyworks candle.

She takes it from my hand and gives it a sniff "I was wondering why it smelled so good in here, I just thought that was you." She places the candle back onto the saloon table "So, Neptune's daughter, where should we start?"

I snatch the notebook from the table and flip it open to a page clean of any writing. It takes a little less than fifteen minutes to seek out all of the trouble spots. Ellie followed behind me and nodded to everything that I was saying.

The boat isn't in nearly as bad of condition as I expected. I suspected that the teenagers who occupied it while Ellie was away at college had all been girls, they took relatively good care of the boat aside from the graffiti, allegedly most of the damage had been there when Ellie got it from Tommy a year ago.

We now sat next to each other in the booth around the saloon table, the ocean rocked the boat beneath us ever so gently, the same way a mother would rock her child's cradle. I missed the sea when I was in college, on a bender I had driven three hours just to be back with it, it seemed the only safe place to let go and be reborn. I liked the sharpness of the air, the vastness of the horizon and the mystery beneath it. I thought I would rise from the seafoam a new woman the same way Aphrodite did but no, I threw up on the sandy shores and called my parents to make it go away.

I give the notebook over to Ellie, a new entry written in bright pink Sharpie amongst the poetry and anecdotes.

Wanderlust's issues:

Mainsail and jib seem sketchy; Unfold the hoist for a full assessment

Wiring issues are out of my hands but a probable concern-should probably call in an expert

Nav instruments are cracked

Leaks on starboard window, probs cracked moulding

Interior woodwork is original, mainly solid despite a bit of mildew

Graffiti and chipped paint, graffiti likely cleanable (May need a new coat of paint)

Possible rigging issues

Underside? That's a question for the experts

Final Verdict: Wanderlust is a seaworthy vessel in need of some love

Ellie lets out a low whistle "God, I love a girl who knows the difference between a mainsail and a jib." She cracks a mischievous grin.

"You're teetering very close between sexy and crass," I tease her in return.

She seems a little taken aback by my comment, like she hadn't anticipated a response but ignores it nonetheless "What would it take to make you my first mate?"

"I'm sorry?"

"For someone with a bad memory, you seem to know your boats, Joel said that you used to work on charters. You gotta know more about sailing than me. It'll be a fun summer project, get you out of the house a bit."

I furrow my eyebrows as I look at her "You want me to work on the boat with you?"

Ellie nodded. She didn't rush to fill the silence that stretched between us, she didn't bother to sweeten the deal or hunt for some reason I would like working with her. She just let it stand. I looked her in the eyes, trying to figure her out. She goes from being almost non-verbal with me and now she asks me to spend the summer on a boat with her. I wondered if she knew what she was doing at all and if I would be carrying her through this.

I had a feeling that Ellie would become my next bad habit. It's easy to get addicted when everything interests you and nothing satisfies you. "I'm in."

"You won't regret this," Ellie almost jumps up, I swear I could've seen her making calculations in her head "So, I'm thinking we get rid of all this junk and get a good look at it bare bones, make a list of supplies and give her the spa day shes in desperate need of."

On my second day as first mate, I had been scrubbing away inside of the saloon while Ellie did some work on the exterior, my Scrub Daddy was being put to work. By the time I even made a dent in all of the Sharpie poetry, it was nearly falling apart and begging to be killed.

When I emerged from the companionway to replace my filthy bucket of water I spotted Ellie chatting up a girl on a dock. She had long glossy black hair that cascaded down her back in strategic ringlets. "So you're gonna sail on this thing?"

"Rebuilding her first," Ellie tells her, leaning against the railing. The girl she's speaking to looks like she's freezing, denim shorts cropped high and a white tank top.

"Do you need help?" She smiles and even I'm seduced by it. She has tanned skin that she's clearly been working on and sunglasses pushing back the silky hair from her forehead. "I've been on boats, lots of times," Her arms are crossed over her chest. I can see goosebumps all over her legs from the chill brought to us by the gray sky above and the frigid air.

"That so?" Ellie asks, rising to her full height. A wrench in hand, it looks like the beginning of a really bad movie, not a family-friendly one. She saw me then, standing behind her. I watched her facade drop. Her smile changed as I approached, turning from flirt to friend in two seconds.

"Oh, hey," The black-haired girl regards me like I'm some kind of threat. "So do you need help or what?"

Ellie looks at me and then back to her "Thanks for the offer but we're all set."

"Do you maybe wanna grab lunch or something?" She completely ignores me.

Ellie shakes her head "We've got lots of work to do, but-" She takes a deliberate pause and I almost cringe "I'll probably be at the shipwreck later. Stop by if you're around."

"See ya'," She grins and takes the sunglasses off the top of her head, placing them on the nose bridge before walking back down the dock.

"Wow," I dump my bucket of water over the rail of the boat "Looks like super difficult work out here, you are so brave." Sarcasm drips from my tone "Without you, who will flirt with all of the hot girls at the marina?"

"No need to be jealous," She says "I'm spending every waking minute with you after all."

I gave her the evil eye but I truly wasn't jealous. I didn't chase the thrill of a fling or late nights with girls whom I would forget by morning. I had dropped that by college and replaced it with ketamine and opioids, I abused liquor like I was its two-faced love. Now the only thing I chased was calmness.

I wasn't jealous, just briefly reminiscing over how carefree I used to be.

The tide was rolling and the sky above us was gray and angry as if something was raging within it. "Shit," I mutter, waves shifting from a distant hiss to a closer hush. The air hung heavy, I hadn't even noticed the change in weather from what seemed like the century I spent scrubbing away in the saloon.

Ellie must've noticed what I was. "So, I'm thinking we should go?"

"You think?" I retort.

Moments later we're packed and rushing down the dock to find her truck. It doesn't take long for rain to begin to splatter on the ground beneath us, it isn't light and gentle, it's harsh. It sounds like pebbles being tossed onto a sheet of glass.

By the time we reach the truck, I'm soaked, hair sticking to my forehead and neck "You didn't want to poke your head into the saloon and say 'Hey, it's looking like there's gonna be a storm'?"

"I was a little preoccupied," Ellie isn't much better off than I am, she takes off the flannel she had on top of her tank top and tosses it into the backseat, her tattoo out on full display. The rain is so heavy that everything on the outside of her truck looks like a blur.

"Can you even drive in this?"

"No, can you?"

"No, I told you I have a DUI," The second the words leave my mouth I regret the slip-up. My eyes go wide and a hand slaps over my mouth, I'm acting like I just told her I was the one who took out JFK.

"You didn't tell me that."

"Well," I look forward, ignoring her piercing gaze, "I thought I did."

If not for the rain outside that pounded against the glass as if it wanted to be let in, we would've sat in complete silence while we drowned beneath all of the words going unsaid. My mind begins to wonder, first I think of the black-haired girl at the docks; I hope she didn't get stuck outside in the rain, especially with her lack of clothing. Then I think about what Ellie's thinking, did she know already? Had Joel told her? I'm humiliated all over again like I'd been when the paramedics dragged my half-naked body out of a bathtub.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" She asks. I don't say anything and she takes this as a hint "We don't have to talk about it."

I'm beginning to grow comfortable with the silence. I almost preferred it to the back-and-forth banter Joel and Ellie constantly had, which was more so father and daughter teasing each other.

Joel had probably known more about me than I did, my parents liked to keep him filled in after all. They just loved to keep tabs on me, if it was legal I'm sure they would put cameras behind my retinas and watch my every move. Eight months ago when I was in rehab, that was the most peace I've ever felt. As much as my parents wanted me clean, they held resentment since I ruined my life and was destroying theirs by association. Joel didn't seem like the type to gossip to his daughter but it nagged at me regardless. "Did Joel tell you anything?"

"What do you mean?"

"Just-like," I search through my brain to find the words "Like what I've been up to?"

She shrugged "He just said you are on a deferral and need a break from the city."

"Okay," I say, my voice so quiet it was almost smothered by the obnoxious rain.

"Are you hungry?"

We had thrown on two jackets Ellie had in the back seat of the cars. She offered me Joel's black raincoat while she humbly took the bright yellow rain poncho. It took everything in me not to laugh at her, she looked like Georgie.

Ellie slung one arm around me, we were both hunched over as we ran as fast as we could. She was shouting stuff at me but I couldn't hear her through the rain, I just nodded in agreement and hoped she hadn't said something awful.

She tugged me left, the deluge chasing us into Salty's for cover. It was nearly dead in there, two other tables, one was an elderly couple and the other was a group of girls, laughing like hyenas while one of them showed the others a picture on her phone.

Ellie wasted no time in taking off her poncho and I didn't blame her, no one wanted to be seen in that. The second we settled into a booth by the huge glass window which took up the entire storefront, an over-eager waiter came up. He was tall, had dark hair and had handsome features, he must've been bored with how slow it was in here. "Hey, Jesse," Ellie said "Can I have water and a big-buck burger?"

He nodded and swerved his body to look at me, "Alright and for you-" He looked up from his notepad and paused for a moment before a huge smile cracked on his face "I haven't seen you in so long!"

"Hi," I smiled, my mouth hanging openly awkwardly as I tried to recall him.

"Do you remember me?" He asked, his hand dropping to his side "Jesse," He reminded "We used to go to school together."

I had no idea who he was "Oh my god, yes!" I say "I remember."

His smile grows "God, you look so different."

"You too," I gesture at him "You're way more-" My mind falls flat "Grown."

He nods along to my words "Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

Wanting this conversation as soon as possible I nod despite not even opening the menu “Yeah, I'll just get the, uh, big-buck and a club soda.” I repeated Ellie's order.

He jots it down onto his notepad "It'll be right up."

"Ellie, I don't know who that is," I say when I see him retreat to the server station to fill in the order. The entire restaurant is nautical-themed, the walls painted black, and there were nets with faux fish covering every square inch of the ceiling.

"Wow, I had no idea," She says, sarcastically "Damn, your memory really is fucked."

Trust me, I know or at least I think I do. I disregard her comment "Water? Don't you wanna get rootbeer or something? Joel said you drink so much soda that your blood is made of corn syrup."

She grins "Gotta keep up the tough guy act."

Across the restaurant one of the girls waves to Ellie, this one has curly brown hair and a sundress "Hi, Ellie!"

Her eyebrows furrow "Hey there-um...you," Ellie said "Good to see you again."

The girl smiles slyly at Ellie before turning back to her friends. "Looks like I'm not the only one forgetting people, what's your excuse?"

"There's a lot of girls in the world, I can't remember all of their names."

"You must've gone through every girl in the cove, power to ya'," I say "No idea you had such a reputation."

"You don't know a lot about me."

I shrug "You know even less about me."

"I bet I could guess."

"Be my guest."

She leans back like she's carefully considering her next words, choosing them very wisely before she finally settles "You picked a major like communications and got bored quickly, decided you needed to do some soul searching. Probably read 'Eat, Prey, Love,' then went on a backpacking trip, expenses paid by your parents. Alternatively, you lived in a van and pretended to be a broke hippie."

I shook my head "Very cliche and you were only right about one thing."

"What?"

"I got bored quickly," The rain outside was failing to cease. Across from me, it looked like Ellie was calculating my every move. Her auburn hair was still wet, and from her hairline, a droplet of water dribbled down onto her button nose to rest on her cupid bow.

"Can I have a hint then?"

"No."

I see a realisation hit her "You partied with frat guys?"

I shook my head "I've always been too cool for them." I wasn't too cool for them, I was too fucked up to even know they were throwing a party until someone verbally informed me, by that point all I've ever done at a frat party was break in through a window and steal a keg like the disgusting fiend I was. It was nothing to be proud of, my friends thought it was hilarious and posted it on their Snapchat stories, egging me on and feeding into this sickening behaviour. What wasn't funny was how I got caught and winded up with a busted lip and broken rib. With pupils the size of my iris, I couldn't feel the pain I was in.

"Okay, now you have to tell me."

"I can't, I lose my mysterious allure."

The bell above the door chimes signalling the arrival of another customer and said customer makes a b-line for our table. She takes a seat next to Ellie "Jesse texted me that you were here.”

"Dina, were you at work?" Ellie furrows her eyebrows.

"Yeah, it's not like anyone's buying souvenirs right now and Jesse told me you finally came back," She whips her head to look over at me.

I genuinely remembered her, unlike Jesse. She had buried the time capsule with Ellie, her family and I. I also recalled how her older sister used to give us hand-me-down clothes. "Dina, hi."

She has freckles scattered across her face the same way that Ellie does. Her smile was so comforting, I forgot that I was soaked to my bones and shivering. "Well we should all do something together tonight," Dina grins "You're doing Ellie a huge favour by helping her fix that rig, she better give you some good head for it."

I almost choke on my saliva while Ellie just groans with disappointment like she had anticipated Dina saying something along those lines "D, you can't say that stuff around every girl I'm with, this is essentially my sister for the summer."

Dina raises her hands in defence "Sorry, my bad, I was unaware since you failed to mention that you have my old friend living with you." Ellie looks like she's going to say something but Dina speaks up again before she has the chance to "Let me give you my number."

Wordlessly, I hand my phone over to Dina who fills out her contact information and then gives my phone right back to me. I study Dina's face and her mannerisms, hoping that something might bring me back to my childhood which has been wiped away by every upper and downer you could put a name to. Something about her seemed familiar, maybe we had been closer friends than I thought.

I nod along to whatever she and Ellie are saying, chiming in random bits of dialogue but my mind is stuck on the two of them side by side. They're what I could've been if my family never moved us away and I hadn't turned my brain into sludge.

The life I could've had.

Ellie smoked from what I knew, maybe Dina or Jesse were into something a little more hardcore. Hardcore? If hardcore qualifies as drowning in a concoction of cough syrup, Vicodin, codeine, and Gatorade to balance out the flavour of self-destruction. The bottles I swallowed to sleep, I showed up to almost every lecture high. Here I was handed what was nearly a good life and I tossed it away for something with a sweeter taste than a stable job and proper education.

The horrors I've committed. No good deed will ever outdo the bad that I have unleashed upon this godforsaken earth. From my clouded brain, paralyzing thoughts come to life to curse myself, the nightmare no mother would wish for her child to endure.

Relapse after relapse, I would fall sick with the thought of how many times I had to relapse until I was finally clean and that bitter flavour washed from my mouth.

"Are you okay?" Dina asks with a smile and furrowed brows "We kind of lost you there."

It's one in the morning and I want to drink wine then slip beneath the rapid waters that will gladly pull me under and claim me as theirs.

Instead, I opt for a class of water. As Dina had said earlier, she wanted to get a bunch of friends together but the second we got home, I showered and locked myself away. Echoes of laughter and chatter drifted through my window.

I slip down the steps that lead to the kitchen. Outside the rain has finally dissipated and Ellie, Dina, Jesse, along with a handful of people I don't know crowd around a bonfire. The kitchen is illuminated only by moonlight, the moon hung over me as I poured myself water from the tap, a dead thing over a dying thing.

I have seafoam in my veins and centuries-passed sunshine that induces my craving for some pills that will put me to sleep. Three months completely clean and yet that doesn't end the yearning for the drugs that comforted me more than any human ever had.

The door cracks open and in comes Ellie, she's laughing and from the uncontrollable giggles, drowsy gaze, and slightly disoriented walking I can tell that she's been smoking. "Hey," She smiles at me, reaching passed me to grab a mug with Garfield on the front and fill it with water but she doesn't take a sip, she just sits it down on the counter behind us and stares at me.

Our faces only inches apart, I contemplate her next move. This close I can smell the marijuana on her and I almost want to scuttle upstairs and light a candle. Ellie hugs me, wrapping her arms around my midriff and letting her head find its resting place in the crook of my neck "Are you okay?"

"Mhm" She hums "I'm just glad you're here, whatever the circumstances are, I'm happy that you're helping me with the boat," I'm carrying almost her full way, and she's slouched against me "I love you man, I know you don't remember a lot from when we were kids but we had a lot of fun together."

"Thanks, Ellie," I give her a little pat on the back "That's really nice of you."

She peels herself away from me, using the counter to lean against instead. She looks me up and down, having an intense staring contest with my pyjamas "Do you wanna come out and smoke with everyone?" She's shed her tank top and thrown over a gray hoodie to shroud her from the oncoming cold.

I shake my head, no "I don't mess with that stuff."

"That's smart," She says "Have fun in your room, stowaway, I'll see you tomorrow to work on our boat," With that Ellie leaves without grabbing the Garfield mug she came in here for.

A/N: Hey, y’all. I’m aware I have a million open docs, I assure you they are all getting some love but I needed to come back to my roots and write some angst. These are some issues I have struggled with and I feel that it’s important to bring attention to it so it’s not taboo.

204 notes · View notes

burntheedges · 20 days ago

Text

get to know your moots

thank you for tagging me @ace-turned-confused @kedsandtubesocks @sawymredfox @iknowisoundcrazy @jeewrites @katareyoudrilling @ghotifishreads 🧡 I freaking love these lol I know it's been a minute but hi, here I am.

what's the origin of your blog title?: username and title are both from a Hozier song, Eat Your Young (because "I'm starving, darling" is how I feel about Joel Miller)

OTP(s) + shipname: alright I've been reading fic since I was 12, here are some of the highlights in vaguely chronological order - Dramione (but like, in the 2000s, lmao), Drarry, Sterek, Johnlock, Arthur/Eames, Stucky, Stony, Sirmione, Wolfstar, Damen/Laurent, 00Q, Spirk, PPCU/reader, Rookanis, DinLuke

favorite color: orange

favorite game: Dragon Age Veilguard, Dragon Age Inquisition, the Mass Effect trilogy, Stardew Valley, BOTW, TOTK

song stuck in your head: Not Like Us, Kendrick Lamar

weirdest habit/trait?: hmmm my husband would say it's no outside clothes allowed on the bed, but I don't think that's weird. probably biting my cuticles. 😬

hobbies: knitting, sewing, writing, gaming

if you work, what's your profession?: let's not talk about work lmao

if you could have any job you wish what would it be?: I don't wish for work lol but maybe owning a book store or yarn shop.

something you're good at: languages, parallel parking, overextending myself

something you're bad at: not overextending myself. feeling my feelings.

something you love: talking to people who love the same things I love 🧡, going to concerts

something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: knitting, linguistics, languages, video games, hockey

something you hate: everything going on right now in the US

something you collect: hmm I used to collect a lot of things and then I moved across the country multiple times and got tired of having stuff. books, probably lol

something you forget: anything that's not in my calendar

what's your love language?: fyi the love languages book is fundamentalist nonsense BUT I do feel very loved when my husband does what they call acts of service (which he knows). that's what I tend to do by default, too, but he likes when I use my words.

favorite movie/show: LOTR, Ever After, Deep Space 9, The Matrix, Clueless, Inception, TLOU, The Mandalorian, Skyfall, Pacific Rim, CA:TWS, Andor, so many others lol

favorite food: pasta, a perfect caeser salad, sopes, sushi

favorite animal: cats. also hippos, those big dorks

are you musical?: I was kicked out of band lol but I was in a singing group in high school and another later. I can read music ok

what were you like as a child?: looking back, obviously unmedicated for ADHD, lmao. but extroverted and hyperaware, really

favorite subject at school?: languages, and then history

least favorite subject?: science, but mostly because some of my teachers sucked and I was socialized to think I was supposed to be bad at it

what's your best character trait?: probably my empathy?

what's your worst character trait?: not taking the time to think (I'm working on it)

if you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be?: I want my cold to be gone lol

if you could travel in time who would you like to meet?: ETA just realized I never answered this one. I spent a lot of time thinking about it and I'm still not sure!

recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love!):

I have yet again begun to reread Be-All and Endor by @djarins-cyare because it brings me comfort (which I've needed lately) 🧡

A new favorite is The Morning Commute by @iknowisoundcrazy -- speed!AU Javi! god I love it

I think a lot of people have already done this, but in case you haven't, np tagging: @maggiemayhemnj @secretelephanttattoo @schnarfer @the-mandawhor1an @sixhours

@@davnittbraes @wannab-urs @justagalwhowrites @beardedjoel @futuraa-free

#tag game #tag games #get to know me

30 notes · View notes

actual-sleeping-beauty · 1 month ago

Text

WIP Wednesday

thanks for the tags @paperstorm and @alrightbuckaroo! today for wip wednesday i present to you: nothing! just kidding, i would never do that, i will show you the temperature blanket at the end of this post, but first i have to tell you about my next project that i have been trying to start for 87 years since september. (if you are just here for the blanket, skip to the bottom of the read more.)

so, back in the summer @carlos-in-glasses posted her version of the step by step sweater by florence, and i thought, hey, this would be lovely to make for my grandfather! but the pattern uses wool yarn, and the man will not hand wash a garment. everything he owns has to be able to go in the washer and preferably the dryer, although i could probably convince him to air dry a sweater. maybe.

so anyway, i'm on the hunt for either a cotton or acrylic yarn that is soft enough to be comfortable as a sweater and the right thickness. i have gauge swatched two different yarns at this point. the michael's stores have very limited selections within these parameters, there isn't a joann's close to my college town, and i won't shop at hobby lobby because of the rampant homophobia and smuggling of human remains. so i've been stuck for a while, just endlessly gauge swatching and getting frustrated. (for the non-knitters, a gauge swatch is where you knit a small-ish section to make sure your yarn is the right thickness and you're using the right size needles.)

so then randomly my cousin sends me a youtube short of someone saying they made this sweater with pound of love from lion's brand, which is an acrylic yarn! my yarn woes may be over! of course, the colors i need are not available at the michael's, but that's okay, we're going out on tuesday night and we can check to joann's then. so we go to joann's at like, 7:45. the sign out front clearly says it is open from 9-9. all the light are on inside. the doors, however, are locked. my mom and i stood there for like five minutes knocking on the door and waiting for someone to show up, but it was just locked and seemingly abandoned by whoever had been working there? so anyway i STILL don't have the yarn i need and i am starting to think the universe doesn't want me to make this sweater. luckily i am more stubborn than the universe and i will persevere.

and now, the 2022 temperature blanket! i have been working on this blanket for so long that two of the yarn colors i originally picked have changed formulas lmao. but if i had bought all the yarn i needed originally i wouldn't have any space in my closet for clothes, so oh well.

as a reminder, this is the first temperature blanket, which is january to june 2022. mug for scale. it's very stretched out because it is so heavy. i rarely get to use it now that i'm home because my family loves it and always steals it.

THIS is the current wip. it is currently july through most of october 2022. again, mug for scale. i am finally free from the purgatory of purple and red and now i get to enter endless yellow territory. yippee!

tagging: @whatisamildopinion @strandnreyes @thisbuildinghasfeelings @herefortarlos @welcometololaland @rmd-writes and whoever else wants to share!

#rose crafts #wip wednesday #temperature blanket #let me know if you want to get added to the tag list #at this point my wips are almost exclusively crochet/knitting related #also sorry ella for taking pictures in your room it seemed like the cleanest floor available

31 notes · View notes

unconventionalmakes · 26 days ago

Text

I have just uploaded a new revised version of my Plush Heart pattern! It and the original version are still available for free on my Ravelry store. It's been a work in progress for a while and I finally feel settled and like it's complete. I'm open to correcting errors if it has any in the future but I feel very good about keeping this as the edition of this pattern, no more revisions or facelifts :)

So go snag yourself this pattern in time for Valentine's Day, it's free and only takes a scrap amount of yarn and an afternoon to make! And please don't judge the original, I'm also leaving it up as proof of improvement 😅 I wrote it in 2019

#knitting #knit #crafter #handmade #yarn #crochet #knitblr #knitters of tumblr #plushies #plush heart #valentines day #knitting pattern #free pattern #amigurumi

21 notes · View notes

jasperthehatchet · 1 year ago

Text

Hi ❤️ I found this beautiful red pair of pants at the thrift store a while ago, and I just got around to modifying them (also I fucked around with my photo editor for no reason)

I really love the embroidery on it and the material is extremely soft and breathable. But when I got them they were a bit too big for me and the drawstring was a pain in the ass to use. So I removed the drawstring and mended the hole, then I folded the waist band over itself in two places at my sides and stitched it in place. It's an elastic waist band so I was completely okay with removing the drawstring entirely (I forgot to take a picture of the waist band. Oh well)

I was thinking of adding more embroidery to the waist band but I'm afraid of compromising the stretchy-ness in any way so Idk yet. I think I'll leave it alone for now

I also changed the shape of the legs, they were flared out a little bit. I like the shape so instead of using elastic, I made drawstrings for the bottom of the legs so that I could achieve that poofy pants shape I like, but I also have the option to untie or remove the strings and bring them back to their original shape if I want to

I went from having this in my wardrobe and rarely wearing it to wearing it all the time!!! They're so comfortable and beautiful and they were fun to modify 🌿☀️

*****

[Image ID:

There are 5 total images. The first one is of me in my mirror wearing a black crop top and red pair of pants made of flowy fabric, they're embroidered with an intricate diagonal grid pattern and some vines around it in the same color as the fabric, across the middle of both legs and going down. but the embroidery doesn't show well in this particular image. My head doesn't show in the image so it's just my outfit. I edited the photo and put some sun stickers on it as well as two captions in white text placed near my waist that say: "took the drawstring out and mended the hole" and "tailored the waist band to fit" and a third caption at the bottom of the photo that says "cut open the hem at the bottom of each leg and inserted new drawstrings, changing the shape."

The next two images are pictures of the pants laid out on my bed, one image is zoomed in on the embroidery.

The next image is zoomed in on the bottom of the right leg where I put new drawstrings made of darker red yarn. There's red embroidered vines going down the seams and slightly lighter red embroidery thread on the edges of the hole I cut in the hem. There are three captions in white text in the photo that say: 1. "I embroidered the edges of the fabric I cut so they don't fray." 2. "Once i finished that i stitched it closed 1/4th of the way on the inside to prevent this part of the hem from sticking out." 3. "And I made two new drawstrings from yarn before I realized I could've used the one from the waist band instead"

The last image is of the same are of the pants as the last image but without the text and my hand. And the hole where the drawstrings are coming out of is less visible.

End ID]

#solarpunk #solarpunk fashion #solarpunk aesthetic #hopepunk #ecopunk #punk #punk fashion #mending #clothing modifications #embroidery #diy #punk diy #solarpunk diy #upcycled fashion #upcycling #sustainable fashion #sustainability #fashion #hatchet mends things

141 notes · View notes

sunny374940 · 3 months ago

Text

Love is stored in the hat

Hello yes I am back with another piece of domestic fluff with Emmrich and Rook. This time there is snow and knitted hats. 1.2k words.

................

Rook came down into the kitchen, still rubbing sleep from his eyes. It was already light outside, made all the brighter by the snow that fell in the night. Rook looked out of the window blearily and said: “Ugh,” with pronounced disgust.

"I find the snow rather beautiful,” said Emmrich from his seat at the kitchen table. “Where is this distaste for the beauty of nature coming from, I wonder?”

“It's coming from the five inches of the beauty of nature I'm going to have to shovel off of the path to the house,” grumbled Rook. “Neve and Lucanis are coming along later in today, remember? I don't want them slogging through the snow with the baby.”

“Oh, of course!” Emmrich clapped his hands in excitement. “I was so caught up in admiring the view that I forgot they are coming today. How I’m looking forward to meeting the little one!”

“Yeah,” Rook smiled softly. “So I’m heading out, gotta get it over with.” He turned to get himself ready to go outside.

“Rook, wait!” Emmrich called, “I have something for you before you go out to brave the elements.”

“I'm just shovelling snow, not going out in a blizzard,” Rook chuckled, but waited for Emmrich to cross the hallway and enter his study.

“Just a moment, my dear, I promise you will find this handy,” said Emmrich while rummaging through a drawer.

“Now where did I-” he muttered under his breath. “Aha! There it is!” he said triumphantly as he pulled out a package wrapped in brown paper.

“I meant to save this for your birthday, but with the snow coming early I think it's better I give it to you now,” he said, proffering it to Rook. “I know how you hate the cold, so I thought this would make our first winter here a bit easier.”

Rook took the package from Emmrich's outstretched hands, brushing a thumb against the back of Emmrich's hand in thanks. He opened the package and there sat a knitted hat and gloves, both in a blue the shade of the sky on a frosty day. He looked at Emmrich in wonder.

“You made these?”

“Yes, it is rather obvious, isn't it?” said Emmrich, a blush creeping onto his cheekbones.

“I am not as skilled at knitting as I would like. See, Lucanis gave me some pointers and then Harding's mother lent me an amazingly detailed volume on knitting just about anything, but the instructions proved rather more complicated than I anticipated and-”

Rook interrupted him with a light touch to his forearm. “No, Emmrich, they’re beautiful! Thank you, really. I just didn't expect the necromancer and alchemist to also knit,” he grinned teasingly.

Rook took the hat out to admire it properly. The wool was soft under his fingers and the care that went into making the hat made his heart stutter. “Did you learn to knit just to make these for me?”

"Well, I did try to procure a hat for you by means that didn't involve nearly taking my eye out with a knitting needle, but I couldn't find anything good enough. And then I saw this yarn and it was just the right shade for you, so I had no choice, really.”

“That explains why I had to untangle Manfred from a string that was exactly this colour the other day,” chuckled Rook.

Emmrich pinched the bridge of his nose. “I knew Manfred must have made off with some of the yarn. He was so interested in the process of knitting and kept trying to take the yarn when he thought I wasn't looking.”

“I suppose you weren't looking all that well,” Rook laughed. “He had a whole tangle of it on his forearm, I guess he was trying to do it like you. Kept saying purr purr, not sure what that was about.”

Emmrich rolled his eyes fondly. “I suspect he heard me talking to myself while I was working, he probably meant to say purl. His enunciation still needs some work, I must say.”

Rook put the hat on and turned to look at himself in the hallway mirror. “Wow, it looks really good, Emmrich. I love it. And you. But that goes without saying, I guess.”

He turned back to Emmrich to give him a peck on the cheek.

“I never tire of hearing it, my love. You look beautiful. The blue really brings out your eyes,” Emmrich said with a warm smile.

“And now I must go, pray for my safe return,” said Rook, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead theatrically.

“Your wish is my command. I shall also make you tea to battle the demons of cold,” Emmrich replied with a bow and a press of his lips to the back of Rook’s hand.

“Don’t forget your gloves, dearest,” he said as he handed them to Rook.

Rook put the gloves on and wiggled his fingers at Emmrich, then walked outside to get a damn shovel.

After an hour, during which Emmrich heard lots of scraping and the occasional curse coming from wherever Rook was attacking the heaps of snow, Rook came back through the front door, stomping the last of the snow off his boots. His cheeks were red from the cold and his teeth were chattering.

“Hate the fucking snow,” he mumbled through the shivers.

“Come, darling, sit by the fire,” said Emmrich as he led Rook to an armchair in their living room. There was a blanket ready and a steaming mug of tea was sitting on the coffee table alongside some cookies.

Rook gratefully sank into the armchair and allowed himself to be fussed over. The mug of tea was placed in his hands and he took a sip. The tea was just the way he liked it, black with a generous amount of honey and he felt himself relaxing under Emmrich's care.

“Really, dear, you should wrap up better next time, you are freezing cold,” said Emmrich worriedly. “Or maybe we could ask Manfred to assist you, so you could get it done faster-”

Rook interrupted him with a laugh. “There's no way I'm letting Manfred ‘assist me’ with shovelling snow. He will make snow angels, then he'll get damp and you know he creaks when he gets damp.” Rook shuddered.

“I’ve never heard a worse sound and I won’t be causing it on purpose. And before you say anything, no, I’m not letting you help me. Who would make me tea? And hats?”

He looked up at Emmrich through his lashes and added with a coy smile: “And who would kiss me after I come back home to help me warm up?”

Emmrich brought up a hand to caress Rook’s cheek, then drew closer to place a kiss on his forehead. Rook sighed happily and leaned into the touch.

“Oh? If you need warming up so badly, I have read some amazing things about sharing body heat,” said Emmrich with a quirk of his lips. “Care to test if the theories are sound, darling?”

Emmrich extended his hand to Rook, as if to only innocently help him up from the chair, but there was desire burning in his eyes.

Heat shot down to Rook's core and he found himself suddenly very uninterested in his tea.

“I would like that very much, vhenan,” he said as he took the offered hand and allowed himself to be led to the bedroom.

#dragon age emmrich #emmrook #emmrich x rook #emmrich volkarin #dragon age veilguard #dragon age the veilguard #Brought to you by me shovelling my damn driveway #And thinking about these two #The brainrot is real

34 notes · View notes

13a07s · 7 months ago

Text

My Home

(Keishin Ukai Smut)

[Artwork is not mine! Credit to Honeyutopia]

Requested by: Nada

Word Count: 3,659

Warnings and/or Pre-Notes:

Name Calling: Toots, Baby, Tootsie Roll, Bitch, Shit, Babe

Teasing Threats of Violence

Smacking

Hair Pulling

Blow Job

Head Pushing

———————————————————————

The sound of shoes against the wooden stairs tips me off to Keishin's return. My eyes occasionally glance at our bedroom door, my focus on listening to him move around the apartment instead of the TV show I'm watching. His keys jingle as he hangs them by the door, his voice soft as he grumbles to himself. "Toots?"

"In here!" I call, turning my focus back to the TV. My hands go back to focusing too, slowly continuing to crochet the blanket I've been working on. The box tucked into the corner of our closet is full. This last blanket will push it to overflowing. I'll have to ask Keishin to bring the box to the shelter when I'm done with this project.

The door squeaks as he pushes it up, my pretty boy leaning in the frame, his hands clinging to the top of it, and his arms stretched out as he leans forward. "There's my Toots. Let me show you my Roll."

"Pervert," I giggle, sparing him a glance and a head shake. "I'm not going to let you flash me."

"Aw, why not?" I can hear the grin in his voice almost as well as I can hear his footsteps across the room. "You know I love it when you stroke my, uh, ego." As I expected, Keishin's face is drenched in a smile even with his eyes drowning in exhaustion.

He kicks off his shoes, the sound of them and his bag hitting the floor promising another thing on my to-do list tomorrow. Keishin crawls into the bed, stretching out diagonally so his feet hang off but his head can rest in my lap, arms snug around my waist.

My arms and project fall still underneath him, the ball of yarn and my crochet hook probably stabbing into his torso. "Rough day?" I murmur, tugging my hands out from under him. They settle on his back, gently massaging as my eyes trail over his t-shirt. They float across the white material like a boat in a foamy sea, enjoying the bright cloth and the way it hangs on his body. No longer an athlete but still the loose build of one. What a wonderful situation I get to enjoy.

"Not rough, just long. A bit stressful too," he answers, the words coming out jumbled because of his face buried in my lap. Keishin steadily starts to relax under my touch, the knots in his muscles starting to become more evident. "The farm was just a blur, then the store, and ya. Then the boys are all worked up about their practice match this weekend and I don't know. Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst, you know?"

"I know, Baby," I coo, focusing my attention on his shoulders. My thumbs dig into his muscles, starting the slow but needed job of working out his sores.

"I think I have a plan though."

"Oh, ya?"

"Ya," Keishin sighs, rolling his shoulders to adjust to the new feel of them. "We're going to use Tsukishima - the tall one with glasses - as a sort of director, I guess."

"How is he going to be a director?" I half listen to his explanation, cozying into the rhythm of his voice and the feel of my hands soaking in his body heat. Occasionally, I nod my head, hum, or throw out an "oh ya?"

"But anyway, that's my plan. I don't know how well it's going to work, let alone how to explain it to the kids."

"Do you want to practice?" I ask, my focus falling away from his back. Instead, I mess with the small silver hoops dangling from his ear, rotating them through his piercings. "If I can understand what you're trying to say I'm sure the boys will get it too."

"Really?" He mutters, lifting his head to peer up at me.

"Ya, Baby." My hand slides away from his ear, falling to rest against his face, my thumb rubbing his cheek.

A soft smile settles on his lips, his head tipping to press into my hand some more. "You're the best, Toots."

"Don't tell the others," I tease, leaning down to be closer to his face. "You'll dry up my street cred and then I'll have to beat you to get it back."

"Oh, I know. But I so love it when you beat me," Keishin teases right back, closing the gap between us with a kiss.

"Pervert," I grumble when we pull apart, rolling my eyes at him.

"You love it."

"Oh, do I?"

"Yes," he drags out the word, a mischievous smile crawling on his face. "You love it so much," he adds, gripping my waist tighter.

"Kei, what are you doing?" He doesn't answer me, softly chuckling instead. His hands loosen their hold, sliding down before sliding back up again, this time under my shirt. "Keishin? What are you doing?" I repeat, squirming to try and escape his hold. I already know it's too late, and so does he.

Keishin grabs me again, yanking me down so I'm lying on the bed instead of propped up against the headboard. I jerk around in his hold, trying to get free before I'm trapped underneath him. He eagerly fights back, quickly overpowering me and sandwiching me between himself and the mattress. "What now, Tootsie Roll? Hmm? Can't get free, can you?"

"I'm going to beat your behind when I get free, Keishin!" I declare, trying to push him off of me. He barely moves from my effort.

"Oh, ya, Toots. You're doing such a good job at it. Maybe I should make it a little more difficult."

"What does that mean? Baby, what are you scheming - "

My questions are cut off by Keishin's fingertips dancing over my sides, my nerves spiraling and twirling in response. My body jerks from the sensation, giggles being ripped from my lungs as I try to escape his touch. "Oh, oh, oh. Someone isn't a big mouth off anymore is she?" He teases, plopping kisses against me anywhere he can. "What happened to that bad little bitch that was threatening me? Who was oh so worried about her street cred?"

"She's still going to beat your ass!" I manage to push out despite my laughter. The mix of rough fingers toying with my sides and gentle lips against my body make for a weird but comfortable mix. It makes for a perfect example of how love-struck and wild Keishin is for me.

Soon, his fingers stop attacking me, wrapping around me instead. "God, Toots," he whispers, wrapping his arms tighter and pulling me close against him. Our bodies mold together, my back slightly arched from Keishin's attempt to pull me closer. His head buries into my neck, nuzzling against my throat as he takes slow and deep inhales. "You always smell good. Like my heaven. Like my home."

I giggle again, this time soft and gentle instead of the high-pitched, rapid laughs from my tickle attack. "Gosh, someone must have had a rough day if he's being all soft and gushy."

"Do I have to have a long day to be 'soft and gushy' with my Toots?"

"Yes."

"Fuck you," Keishin barks around a mouthful of chuckles. One of his hands jumps up, balling up a fistful of hair and yanking my head to the side. "Do you not like me all soft, Tootsie Roll?"

"I do," I mutter, drowning my eyes in the sight of my cocky husband. "Especially since you're only soft for me, you cocky little shit."

"I'm the cocky shit? Says the lady that says I'm only soft for her, which is completely false by the way, Toots. My Roll is always hard for you." My hand swings up, smacking him upside the head. "Damn," Keishin chuckles, leaving his head dipped down to brush kisses against the front of my throat. "Guess I'm not getting any action tonight."

"You got action this morning. Twice. Bed and shower. Besides, you have a play or strategy or whatever to practice going over."

Keishin knocks his head against my chest once, twice, three times before lifting it to face me again. "You're right, as always." His sentence is punctuated with a soft kiss on my lips. A sigh follows our kiss, my husband rolling off of me and letting me breathe freely again.

I situate myself, sitting up against the headboard again, as he leans over the bed to snatch his bag from the ground. Keishin straightens himself once he has his stuff, sitting crisscrossed in front of me. I watch curiously as he digs through his bag, pulling out a whiteboard and such. I know coaches do the whole whiteboard team meeting thing in movies but for some reason, I never thought it was something people did.

"The magnets are numbered with the boys' jerseys," he starts explaining, twenty or so magnets littering the bedspread alongside a pile of dry-erase markers. Keishin's forehead wrinkles as he focuses intensely on the board, doodling whatever it is he's drawing. "It's a practice match against Date Tech. Last year they caused us some trouble but our Ace - that's the top spiker by the way," he cuts himself off, looking up at me as he explains the terminology. "Did pretty good at getting through their defense, but Asuma graduated."

"Don't you have a new Ace though?"

"Ya, Tanaka. He's a good spiker and a good Ace too, but he can get a little hot-headed. Doesn't always think before he acts, especially when he's worked up. Ennoshita does pretty good at keeping him in line, most of the time anyway."

"Well, that's good at least."

Keishin hums in agreement, laying the whiteboard down between us. An outline of a volleyball court decorates the board in thin and thick lines. His eyes jump around the bed, glancing through the magnets before he lays them down. "The black ones are my boys, they're the ones numbered, and the white ones are the opposing team, okay?"

"Okay."

"The good thing about Date Tech is two of their blockers from last year are still on the team so I have an idea of what we're working with. The bad thing is two of their blockers from last year are still on the team so they also have an idea of what to do," Keishin rambles, placing the magnets onto the board and moving them around how he wants them.

"Sounds like a rock and a hard place."

"Ya," he chuckles, the sound coming out stressed instead of happy. "I'm not that worried about our offense though. Hinata - the one you call an excited yorkie - has gotten better at adapting his spikes so that'll have to be a more in-the-moment plan."

"That's good, Baby," I murmur, watching as he nervously clicks the pieces around the board, not a hundred percent certain of any of his placements.

Keishin falls quiet for a few moments, messing with the magnets until he's soothed his worries. The board is propped up, aimed at me so I can see it better. "Alright, so, our defense sucks. Not as bad as last year but still not the best."

"Got it," I murmur, nodding in agreement even though I wouldn't know that without Keishin telling me.

"A lot of it falls on Tsukishima, a lot on Nishanoya too, but mostly Tsukishima in the front row." He taps on the piece labeled eight.

"Hinata," number seven is tapped on as he keeps explaining the situation to me. "Is the worst on defense. Mostly because he can't receive for the life of him, but he just doesn't have the experience, so, per usual, when he gets to the back row, after he serves," Keishin rotates the pieces in a circle until number seven is in the middle of the back row. "I'll swap Hinata and Nishanoya out." Number seven is pushed out of the box and replaced by an orange magnet labeled four.

"That makes sense," I tell him, nodding in agreement again. The situation does make sense, but number four being orange confused me a bit. Oh well, I guess. The colors of the magnets don't matter.

"For the first match at least, probably more, Tsukishima will be calling the blocking plays." Again, number eight is tapped on. "He has an eye for that sort of stuff and I'm hoping he'll help the others pick up on what he sees, you know? Give them an idea of what to look out for so they know how to react. Does that sound stupid?"

"It doesn't sound stupid, Baby."

"Okay," he whispers, mostly speaking to himself. "Anyway, so that's pretty much the plan. Having Tsukishima control the blocking until we get a feel and or until the other boys can figure it out for themselves. It's going to be a lot on him," Keishin mutters, laying the board back down between us.

His eyebrows are pressed together, his forehead wrinkled from the act. All Keishin is made out of is nicotine, spite, and stress. Usually, I'm worried about his stress, but at the moment I find it more cute than worrisome. I adore how much he loves his players and how set he always is on giving them the best chance to win and improve.

"I don't want to put too much pressure on the kid. He just picks up on these things the quickest so, it's the best to have everything set how he needs to test his theories and whatever, right?"

"Right. Besides, worst case it doesn't work out and you fall back on what you know."

"Ya, I guess so. I don't want to do that though. It'll leave us scrambling, you know?... I don't know. I don't want to stress Tsukishima out or put him under pressure but I just... I don't know." Keishin sighs, his hands dragging down his face. "I don't know what to do, Toots."

"Oh, baby," I coo, leaning across the bed to wrap my arms around him. A hand settles over his shoulders, the other knotting into his hair, running through the locks he let loose on his drive home. "What have I told you about thinking things over?"

"Once isn't enough, ten times is too many. Find my happy medium," he mutters, turning his head to brush kisses against my wrist.

"And how many times have you thought this issue over?"

"Ten... twenty... forty times, maybe. I don't want the first practice match of the season to be a bust, you know? That's terrible momentum to run on."

"I know, Baby, but the more you mull it over, the more holes you poke in your thoughts. Just talk to Tsukishima, okay? See how the kid feels about it. If he feels like he can handle it, go with your plan. If not, wing it. After all, my crows have always been good at adapting quickly."

Keishin arches forward, melting our bodies together again. His arms find their place around my waist, keeping me flesh against him. "My sweet Tootsie Roll," he murmurs, his head finding its place on my shoulder, nose pressed against my neck as close as possible. Same routine and position since the start of our relationship. "Always the perfect mix of sweet and tart when I need it. Always my home." He inhales the scent of my perfume and shampoo again, taking his time like always to savor the smell.

I give him a little while, letting him drown himself in me, letting him calm his nervous down from his emotional escalation, letting him restart and re-stab his thoughts. "Alright," I finally murmur, moving in his arms. "Enough welling," I tell Keishin, pushing him off of me before pushing him onto his back.

He softly smiles at me, his hands rubbing my arms as I situate myself on top of him. "I can't help it, Toots. You know I worry about everything," Keishin whispers, adjusting himself to lay more comfortably on the mattress.

I hum a melody as I lean downward, laying my chest against his as I nuzzle my nose against his neck. "Maybe a little distraction will help?" I whisper, brushing light kisses against his skin.

"What kind of distraction are you thinking about?" Keishin mutters, his hands finding their way to cup my ass.

"I'm not too sure yet," I answer, making my way down his neck. I slowly trail further, curving over his shoulder and down his chest. His shirt is stained with my path, my lipstick standing out on the white t-shirt. "Maybe," I start, nuzzling the hem of his shirt with my nose as my hands busy themselves undoing his pants. "You just need some under-the-desk support."

"Damn, Toots. You know I'll never turn down an offer like that," Keishin grumbles, his hands sliding up to rest higher the more I inch down. My tongue slides over his skin, the tip teasingly poking under the band of his boxers. A groan ouches in the room from Keishin, his hands sliding over my back and between my shoulder blades before styling in my hair. “Toots. The teasing, Babe.”

“What about it?” I whisper, the peach fuzz of his happy trail tickling my lips. “I thought this is what you wanted. After all, you came in asking to use your dick,” I tease, my fingertips sliding against the plaid material of his boxers before settling on the imprint of his dick. I take hold of him, stroking his trapped erection as my tongue continues to trail back and forth under the elastic band.

Keishin’s fingers knot in my hair, holding it back from my face. His chest is raspy with his heavy breathing, growls, and grumbles mixed with the sound of his lungs. “Toots, come on. The teasing isn’t cool.” He yanks on my hair, forcing my head back and my eyes up. “Knock off the teasing. Either suck my dick or get on your knees so I can paint your tits.”

I roll my eyes at him, a smile hanging on my lips as I soak in the frustration on his face. “Fine, no more teasing.” His hold loosens on my hair but doesn’t let me go. Keishin’s deep brown eyes stay locked on me, watching as I inch his boxers down enough for his dick to escape.

My tongue wraps around his base, starting the collection of drool that’ll slide down and wet his balls. I tease the base for a tongue lashing or two before starting the slow slide up his length, mentally counting my way.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

“Baby, come on,” he hisses, his knuckles popping from gripping my hair so tight. My scalp stings from my roots being pulled on but I can’t seem to care much. I adore teasing Keishin to the point of desperation.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

My tongue slides over the tip of his dick, the taste of his pre-cum coating my taste buds. My hand wraps around him, slowly stroking the base as I twirl around and tease the head. Keishin is already squirming, his hips jerking and penis twitching. “Damn it, Toots. Knock off the teasing. Baby, you’re killing me,” he grumbles on repeat, his teeth clenched as he hisses at me.

“You’ll be okay,” I murmur, finally allowing part of him to slide between my lips.

Keishin’s tip settled in my mouth, a loud “Fuck” spilling out of him. I can’t help the prideful smile trying to curl the corners of my mouth. I puff my cheeks out, my tongue trailing the veins of his cock as I suck on him. “Jesus, Baby, come on,” he huffs, flexing his fingers before returning his death grip to my hair.

It’s driving him crazy. The teasing. The slow pace. The minimal attention. The restraint not to shove my head down and force his dick further in. Maybe I should be nice and give him a bit of what he wants.

I keep my movements slow as I slide down, his cock inching further and further. His tip taps the back of my throat, brewing a couch in my lungs. I don’t let it stop me though, continuing to slide down as my throat flexes to try and resolve the need to cough. “Fuck!” Keishin yelps, shoving my head down.

My lungs and throat scream with the need to cough up the block, a jumble of gagging and spit leaking from the corners of my lips. Keishin’s cum spilling over and dripping down my throat doesn’t help the situation. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Toots. I didn’t mean to,” he rambles, dropping his hold away from my head to toy with the ends of my hair.

I jerk my head up, back to sucking on the tip of his dick to encourage his cum to keep spilling down my throat. Apologizes ring from Keishin on repeat, his focus on trying to gently push me off himself and check on me instead of his dick twitching in my mouth.

When he finally dries up with nothing left to tant my tongue in salt, I pull off of him. My lungs scream with the feel of easy and fresh air coating them. “I’m sorry, Toots,” Keishin repeats, his hand cupping my face while his thumb brushing against my cheek. “I know you don’t like when I push your head. It won’t happen again.”

“It’s alright,” I whisper, trying to steady my breathing. My hand jumps to my neck, massaging it as I lean into his touch.

“No it’s not, Toots,” he softly says, tugging me to sit in his lap again. His hand joins mine against my neck, helping to rub away the soreness of it. “You’ve told me before you don’t like me pushing your head and I did it anyway. You’re my home, Baby. That’s not how a man takes care of his home.”

#haikyuu #haikyuu oneshot #haikyuu x reader #keishin ukai #keishin ukai oneshot #keishin ukai x reader #keishin ukai smut #haikyuu smut #ukai smut #ukai oneshot #ukai x reader

37 notes · View notes