#i'm going to be weirdly sad to be finished posting

[will80sbyers]

My speculation over the teaser!! Part One!

Spoilers

So let's start from the end lmao

El is in the Upside Down fighting something/someone and I'm deeply confused on if these are pants or a shirt, I think I was right and these are pants tho lol

anyway I think this will be around ep. 2 or 3 and the talk on the roof happens before this maybe ? unless it's some kind of vision

Vecna approaching, it could be the same scene, but I'm not sure because Vecna looks like he's inside a place not outside (?) could be wrong

Castle Byers is in ep. 1 I think this may be a nightmare/ vision Will has, idk it's giving nightmare, also @grandmags thinks this may be Will in his costume of the s4 finale

but this could be a different scene of Castle Byers irl (?)

Dustin going to Eddie's grave ep. 1, I think he gets attacked by the bullies here, I think Chance is present too or at least I think it's him

Ep. 1 at school 1987, Dustin gets attacked by the bullies before classes start, probably by Andy the one with the hat, and they destroy his shirt, he goes to Eddie's grave after school and gets attacked there too ?

Mike and Will go to the radio station and accompany Holly for a piece of the road, Lucas probably goes to Max at the hospital

these are all from the same sequences at least timewise

I think they are running to Dustin when he's being attacked, maybe before lunch?

I'm not sure about this moment because Lucas is dressed differently but Dustin has the shirt ripped... I think here they are the actors running lines more than anything also bc Gaten has his glasses on lol but this could be a moment where before going away from school they talk in the woods, because of the other screenshots where Will is having a vision - this may be before they divide and go to other places in ep. 1

this is the actual scene, Will is having a vision of some kind, parallel to s2 and to chrissy's vision probably? I'd say ep. 1

I think this may be ep. 2 (?) it's after they go to school because Dustin has the shirt ripped ( I think this happens at school bc we have a pic of him with the shirt ripped there, they get bullied) and they see each other at the radio station, something must have happened, I think Robin is the one near Nancy, and Nancy is dressed as the candy striper so maybe she's working at the hospital to help (?) or she needed to go there for some reason... Dustin looks like someone beat him up so I think the bullies at the cemetery beat him up and then after that he goes to the radio station

we have the rainbow room taken over by the upside down

the tunnels under the farm

Ep. 4 I think from the colours it's a scene in Mike's basement, it could be a vision, we already had a better frame of this from something Ross posted, I'm gonna try to link the other posts after I finish this one so y'all can see what I'm talking about

This is Lucas that for some reason is inside the Mansion of that family, it looks like the interior, and we had another pic from paps where you can kinda see him inside, maybe ep.3

from how Jonathan is dressed I think he's either not doing anything / working at the radio station or he's attending art classes in a college? he's dressed weirdly idk like a art college student trying to be cool... I think Jancy may be broken up at this point?

Holly, I think she just came home from school, and she's watching a monster attack Karen ? She seems wet too idk why... anyway this is ep. 1 or 2 probably

Holly is having visions / dreams or the lights flicker because a demogorgon has arrived ? maybe this is before she goes to see what's happening and Karen gets attacked, also like... Holly biggest queer ally lmaoooo everything is rainbow room themed... ep. 1 probably

not sure about what this is about, maybe El visiting Max at the hospital in a vision? I'm not sure of where she is, but she looks sad, maybe this is what she's looking at in her mind in the roof with the bandana before Mike arrives to talk in ep. 1/2 ?

I think Joyce and Robin are trying to figure out how to make the radio or the lights in the radio station work? probably ep. 1 or 2 - not sure of when this is temporally speaking in the timeline, maybe they have a blackout and go to check?

Steve in the UD, ep. 4 or after ep.4 ? It seems they end up there in that episode and Steve looks hurt

this is before ep-4, I think maybe ep. 3 they are at the mansion and go there with the car and they still have the antenna outside of the car which it should mean they haven't fallen yet... I don't think it's the moment in which they fall because Dustin is not there

Episode 4 ? at the farm, Erica and Derek must know each other like the spoilers said, tbh I hope they are not romantic but just friends... Robin, Mike, Will and many others should be there too all together

I'll continue in another post and link the posts that make me think this! just speculation from the bts pics we have!!

Part two

[missesnott]

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together | Theodore Nott X Fem. Hufflepuf Reader

—> Part 2 of "Last Kiss''.

•Summary: Some weeks after starting to get over Theodore, he comes up to you and says he wants to get back together.

•Song: We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, by Taylor Swift.

Two weeks had went by, since you made the decision of getting over Theodore. It wasn't going bad, since you didn't looked at him when you both had the same classes, you didn't care that he had a new girlfriend or anything that anyone could say that might had pissed you.

"So, is it really over between you and Nott...?" Hannah Abbott, one of your friends, asks you.

"Yeah, I'm getting over him. It's weirdly working." you say, having another bite of your dinner.

"Well, I though that you both looked so cute together!" Susan Bones replies.

"Me too, but, he literally switched you for another girl. He's a coward. I'm happy you're doing alright" a brunette said, giving you a warm smile.

You and the trio continued to talk, when you notice a certain slytherin looking straight at you. You looked at him, seeing his sad expression, but ignored. You had nothing to do with him.

A few moments later, the girl he switched you for walks right by you. She also seemed sad, maybe they had gone into a fight.

You and your friends finish having dinner and leave the Great Hall.

"I have to grab some books at the library for tomorrow, I'll you in some minutes!" you warned, waving them a quick goodbye and walking to the library, praying for it to not be closed. Thankfully, it wasn't, so you walked in.

Taking slow steps searching for the two books you needed, carefully watching the shelves, you hear a noise behind you. You slowly look back and see Theodore.

"Hello." he said on a low tone.

"What do you want Theodore?" you asked not giving him much attention.

"You used to call me Theo." he pointed.

"Used to. What do you want?" you crossed your arms, looking at him.

"Let's get back together. You and me. We're great, you know? We made a great couple..."

"Uh, no thanks." you said with a smile and walked over to the next shelf.

"Come on! Think about everything we were and went through. Do you wanna throw that away?" he looks at you, grabbing your wrist softly, with a look you knew damn well. His manipulation look.

"You threw everything we had and will ever have since you broke up with me. You switched me for that Ravenclaw girl, you broke up with her and you think that I will accept you back. Well, I won't." you pushed him slightly away so he could stay back but he didn't.

"Y/n, I love you. I love you so much." he looked at you, grabbing your wrist again, pulling you close. "Let's get back together..."

"I don't know... No. We are never getting back together, like ever!" you pulled your wrist away from him and walked away. Luckily you already had your books, so you just left to your dorm, leaving a specheless Theo beside you.

[...]

You walk to your dorm and you open the door carefully so you wouldn't wake up the other girls. As soon as you enter they turn their heads to you.

"Y/n, are you alright? We saw Theo going after you, but you were both far away." Susan stats.

"Did he talk to you?!"

"Yes, Hannah, he did. He asked me to get together with him again." you answered while taking your shoes off and placing the books on a table near.

"And?!"

"And I said no. I didn't accept him back."

The girls smiled at you and pulled you to bed waiting for you to spell out all the details.

4th post! I don't have many ideas on how to make the scavenger hunt one, but I'll come up with something, don't worry 💗

[zhongrin]

To the kinich post

why can we kill baby monsters and not cats. Or dogs. Can we kill the foxes on Inazuma? The seals yes.

Hoyo is weirdly specific with that is a monsterlife lesser then a stereotype pet?

Or do cats symbolise something else in the game because of Venti being allergic?? (He is a fucking WHISP not even human he is just copying an appearence how the fuck does he have an allergy??? HE CONTROLS THE WIND HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS EVEN-)

We are the monsters here.

Have u seen the hilichurl just chilling around. The slimes playing? The evolved hilichurl watching the world? They use instruments. Slimes to fly. They know how to use instruments. Pyro slimes for explosion. Dendro to create shields (how the fuck i want that too) anemo to transport and fly.

They have a fucking language. Most are former people. We are just to ignorant and fearful to realize we've been killing sentient people who laugh and have fun and have their own traditions and-

*falls over and gets carried away by an exasperated husband* "...I know I shouldn't have given you a sight to the over darkness."

ok nvm i lied i didn't (can't) sleep bc of all the noises outside (yay /s) so here goesー

hskdjskdj no idea i mean game-design wise it makes sense sure, but lore wise??? idk why we're attacking these natlan ppl and their saurians, they look normal and are mostly just chilling in nature... why are we beating them up? lore wise? i don't think there's an explanation for it?? maybe they 'got too excited' like what the daily quests says and we're just calming them down?? lmao

and again if we approach it lore wise, it doesn't make sense for the traveler to continue killing the hilichurls either?? at this point they know what the hilichurls are. so yeah, it's all for the sake of gameplay orz

........

hnmmm. here's an idea...

cw. not proofread, word vomit, violence/light gore

you get isekai'd into teyvat. you're worshipped as the creator and all that pizzazz; we all know how it goes so i'm not going to explain further.

now imagine, one day you decide to stroll through the lands, accompanied by a few select people; perhaps the 'main team' you always use for exploration in-game. a few ways away, you see a camp of hilichurls. obviously you know what they actually are, and you got curious if you could do something for them, right? i mean, being the creator, an all powerful entity, you might even be able to reverse their curse? who knows? better try it out!

so you step closer to try and communicate with them.

but to your utter surprise, instead of doing so, you find your body moving on its own, hand raised to grab the nearest character's weapon, before swinging with the full intention to kill.

thud.

the blade decapitates the poor creature's head.

as it rolls on the ground and you stare at the gruesome sight in both horror and denial, bile rising from the back of your throat, your acolytes follow your example and proceeds to eradicate the entire camp.

your will is their command, after all.

you can't even scream. you can't find your voice. nit because of fear or sadness or frustrationー you just can't.

once they finish, they return to you, expecting praise and adoration, only to be greeted by tears and muffled sobs. they don't understand why you were crying; even before your descent to teyvat, haven't you been commanding them to do the same thing, countless times? they try to offer you the remnants of the hilichurls' bloodied masks and divine scrolls ー you've always liked receiving those! why are you crying harder? what did they do wrong?

you look like you were trying to say something, but they find the words leaving your mouth is of a language they have never heard before.

you thought you could find a home in the world you loved so much.

but you just feel..... lost.

[spoiler/explanation below]

eventually, you realize you were no 'creator' of this world at all.

you were just a string marionette of celestia's.

'the creator' had always been an illusion; an existence They created to pull the blanket over everyone's eyes. your existence's sole purpose is to control the archons, the dragon sovereigns, and the people of teyvat. like an ignorant shepherd leading the sheeps straight to the maw of the wolves.

you weren't some all knowing creator.

you weren't even a monster.

you were never yourself at all.

[zilabee]

I listened to the final ep of @anotherkindofmindpod's Fine Tuning, yesterday. I'm so sad it's ended. I loved every.single.second. I don't think I've posted about it at all, but it's only because everyone was already saying it better, and my posts end up in drafts half finished and confused and full of runaway sentences of little import.

I'm really grateful for the whole thing. Grateful the way I was when I watched Understanding Lennon McCartney the first time, like being given a genuine gift of fandom making sense of itself. I don't know. It's just lovely to have. And it's done so well.

When, in the first ep, they casually mentioned that there were going to be ELEVEN episodes I knew it was going to be amazing. Proper genuine "we have a lot to say and we're going to say it all so you don't think we didn't think it through" you know? I love that they didn't start making eleven episodes and then decide that was too many and cut 40% of it out, it's more like they wanted to make twenty episodes and then cut out about 40% of that. Making eleven episodes and then being like 'we didn't even have time to talk about anything that we LIKED about this book' is a real move. A perfect shiny move.

The fact they made a spreadsheet sends me into fits. I love it.

Cards on the table I have not read Tune In properly, I have skimmed and picked at it, and obviously I've seen loads of it quoted on tumblr, but EVERY quote you read from it (and everything he says in interviews) makes it so fucking OBVIOUS that he doesn't understand basic things, I've never been able to face it full on. And the frustration that people (men) can't see how bad it is. So having it put out there like this, bit by bit, oh the joy of it.

And then it's also so much worse than I knew, because I'd never really worked out that he was just MAKING UP QUOTES and mushing them together to say new things, and oh my god the stuff that's NOT in there, is insane. The bit in episode 3 where AKOM quickly list off about five or six really interesting things about Paul's art in his schooldays and then you find out that Tune In didn't even MENTION that he liked to paintklsjdofihoijsodijfohwoisjdf OH MY GOD.

I'm blown away by the work of it, and the scale of it, and how well put together it was. I love the *feel* of it. I love its tone when they let the sarcasm ride high. The voices of "sincere surprise" are just my favourite thing. "Oh, so he mentions that Paul did x and y right?" "Actually, weirdly he doesn't!" "Oh, HOW STRANGE. But does he say he was interested in z???" "Oddly no." I love the sense of giddy anticipation in the intro ep, it must have been killing them to have made so much of it and not be able to talk about it.

I'm so fully aware that all of what they're saying will move into other podcasts, and become things that men sort of talk about as if obviously everyone kind of sees the bias in Tune In, even though they've always talked about it as if it's a great work of truth until now. It kills me softly. And they'll claim it's only POSSIBLE to see that now, ten years later when it's spelled out to them, as if it's aged badly or something, when actually female fandom has been fucked off with Tune In for fucking years. But that's FINE. WHATEVER.

Also glorious have been all the posts people posted around it, and how the conversation grew, and especially the fact that @mythserene had clearly been doing a lot of the same work. Her posts in tandem with the show are so wonderful, and make it even more special, the depth of fandom for the love of fandom <3333333

[lady-potato-ninja]

Prowling the inbox like a half tame thing, just confessing that I saw your art tutorials and was like "Neat!" and then saw the potato in the name and that clinched it for me <3 /origin story sharing for free!

Anyway! I'm asking you to this dance of an ask game, because I enjoy the stories in the tags you write and then I was like, there is a function built in for being more candid~ Please tell me more lady-potato-ninja lore, as they say. ^^ Referring to this post here: >> https://www.tumblr.com/shreedle/762344461629112320?source=share <<

🧠🌂👀🌹 Okay bye! See you on the dashboard!

Ah 🙈🙈🙈 I'm so glad you liked my tutorials! I am actually in the mist of making a new one on how to better your artistic workflow! I'm not done yet- still trying to make it make sense but I hope it might help you in some way once it's out😉!

🧠- What fictional character do you relate to the most?

I’m gonna be extra because you said you liked my rambling and go for more than one character. I’ve mostly been into podcast fandoms thus far and it feels like those characters were really easy to relate to.

Mollymauk Tealeaf from Critical Role: I learned so much about myself throught this character. He’s the embodiment of change and self-love and just living life the way you want it. I was very envious of the joyful way he lived his life and it stayed with me long after I stopped watching Critical Role and I feel like now I got to this point where I love myself and the multitude ways in which I change everyday.

Martin Blackwood from the Magnus Archive: I think we’re awfully similar; in a made from the same cloth kind of way. He’s a very attentive character who tries his best to provide help, care and support to the people around him and it’s something I pride myself to do as well, one of my friends said I was an approachable person and I wear this quality as a badge of honor. I strive to be a kind-hearted person.

At a time, I was also really relating to his loneliness which I sometimes still am. Hearing about how he felt made me realise that I felt the same about me. And it actually made me take care of myself more because I couldn’t let such a deep sadness continue on in me! But don’t fret, now I’m a much happier person and I feel like it’s in part because of him, weirdly enough.  

Jang Hee-Soo from the kdrama Moving: This kdrama is so good and it really struck a chord with me for multiple reasons but mostly because I had never seen a media better portray the relationship between a parent and their child.

With her dad, Jang Hee-Soo sees what he does for her and his sacrifices and she understands him, she takes the time to know her dad as a person more than just a parental figure and she tries to give back and sacrifice what she can to help him. I feel like it’s the same way I love and cherish my parents. I see myself in the careful way she takes care of him while supporting his dreams and cheering him on. (It honestly made me cry and that’s why I haven’t finished this series yet I KEEP CRYING!)

She also has this whole motif about rage that really speaks to me. A part of me is like a fire that is inextinguishable and she’s the same.

Special mention to Hong Cha-young from Vincenzo because my gf said I was like her > The style, the goofiness and the evil not evilness🙈

🌂- You have to choose three fiction characters to help you survive in the apocalypse, who are you picking?

Senshi from delicious in dungeon: I need someone who knows enough about fauna and flora to know which plants/animal parts are good to eat in the wild and which ones are poisonous! I know how to cook and bake well enough but not enough to utilize everything in the best way and how to keep food well stocked. I feel like we would get along well plus he would remind me to actually eat and drink which is fairly important.

Aragorn from LOTR: Having a ranger in the team is essential because I lack most of what he has to offer and while Senshi might cover a similar ground, I feel like Aragorn would be helpful in many other ways such as, finding/creating shelter and keeping us from getting lost. He would be longing for his wife; I would be longing for my wife; we would be partners in long lost love stories.

Doctor Mccoy from Star Trek: I know how to give first aid + CPR, take care of burn wounds and other small wounds but in this situation, I feel like a real doctor should be a part of the team. Plus, Bones is used to critical situations with the amount of bathshit crazy things happening on the enterprise and he quickly adapts to changes. He also has great bedside manners so if I end up dying well at least my last moments will be nice lol. I almost forgot his massive balls of steel – this man is unshakable!

I think we would make the dream team: I know how to fish, mend/make (bad) clothes, bake and cook, ect. And three out of four of us know how to fight: I am a green belt in karate + I can throw handheld axes; Senshi has his axe + his shield/cauldron and Aragorn got his sword skills. I mean we’re pretty much covered in terms of leadership, nutrition, health, living quarters, troc strategies and defense… We could survive this!

👀 -Most tame ship you enjoy

Daisuga? Maybe? It’s very soft, they’re basically already married at this point lol. It’s a sweet, no conflict ship!

🌹 - What's a small fanbase you're a part of?

Gekkan Shojo Nozai kun: I watch this every summer and I can’t wait to see more if there’ll ever be more…. It’s just such a charming and chaotic show! The characters all have hilarious gimmicks that make them so endearing and you just want to see them succeed. It’s honestly really worth the watch if you haven’t seen it already!

Professor Layton: I think about replaying the games every other week < I could ‘cause I still have my DS and multiple games but I want to be able to cast it on the TV so I can play with my gf or watch her play!

[vashtijoy]

on akechi's four-hour swan dive to oblivion

So yesterday I was looking at this post by @lokiarsene about Akechi's line in his "undesirable child" monologue:

I find the bolded bit above to be a bit perplexing. Who does he mean? The people he was assigned to give Loki’d breakdowns to weren’t in his way at all. Indeed, the only person he has an actual personal grudge against is Shido--Akechi’s targets were in Shido’s way.

I might be overthinking that, though. It’s distinctly possible that this is just one of Goro’s heavily myopic rationalized lines to himself.

Let's take a look at this monologue and the events that surround it, leading up to the engine room shitshow.

the timing

Akechi's entire downfall happens on the same day.

the "unwanted child" TV segment happens directly after you get the letter from the TV executive. When this happens, he has three to four hours to live.

the phone call from Shido happens directly after you get the letter from the IT executive.

(incidentally, note the sad sprite there. His opinion of Shido is weirdly high, despite everything, and anxiety does not mesh well with it.)

Lastly, the Akechi fight itself happens directly after the fight with the cleaner. This leads to Akechi's death, of course. or does it

It's really easy to overlook how quickly all of this occurs. Akechi has gone from sitting in the TV studio soaking up the adoration of the crowd, ruminating on the interrogation room and telling himself it was all worthwhile, to that unsettling confrontation on the phone with Shido, to his actual death, and it's all happened within "After School" on the same day!

Akechi realises in the studio that Joker is alive (when the phone rings); he realises on the phone to Shido that Joker and the Phantom Thieves are active in Shido's palace (from Shido's behaviour); and he runs straight there to confront them and finish the job. Note that—he doesn't hesitate. He may have spent the last days consoling himself with attention from others, and reassuring himself that it was all necessary, but when Joker returns from the grave, Akechi is straight back there to kill him. He runs back there with the same speed he used to kill the SIU Director. And then ... yeah.

See, Akechi has the privilege of looking back on Joker with a bit of regret, perhaps—once he's murdered him. You can contrast the way the Phantom Thieves talk about Akechi—after he's safely dead. "We still have to carry out our end of the deal we made with Akechi", Morgana says. Ann and Yusuke speak up for him before Shadow Shido. Haru repeatedly states that Akechi "entrusted [them] with an important task". Yet what happens when he's back in the third semester? Everyone's embarrassed, and Akechi is both dangerous and unpleasant to have around, and it becomes "We did it for Joker, not you".

The whole thing plays out in the time it takes you to gather those five letters—yeah, you can leave and come back the next day when you play through it, but in-character IMO this is a very tight sequence that they would almost certainly do in one day.

shido's acknowledgement

While I'm talking about this sequence, there's another little detail I want to point up, that sends Akechi off to the engine room. This is an example of Shido manipulating Akechi with praise:

... does that sound familiar to you? It should.

Let's look at the original. Here's Akechi's declaration of what he wants:

Akechi アイツが権力の頂点を極め、俺を必要な右腕だと認めたその時に、耳元でささやいてやるんだよ⋯ aitsu ga kenryoku no chouten o kiwame, ore o hitsuyouna migiude da to mitometa sono toki ni, mimimoto de sasayaite yaru n da yo... Once he reaches the apex of his power and acknowledges me, I'm going to whisper in his ear... Once that piece of shit has climbed to the top, once he admits he couldn't have done it without me, that's the moment I'll whisper in his ear...

"acknowledges me"? Y'all, come on! Acknowledges me? Akechi literally says, ore o hitsuyouna migiude da to mitometa. What does that mean? "once he acknowledges me as his indispensable right hand". He wants Shido to admit he couldn't have done it without him!

You can see why the line has been cut down—look at that overflowing textbox. But still, what a thing to omit. And just before Akechi runs pell-mell to the engine room, what has Shido told him on the phone, and what was Akechi's response?

Shido ここまで来られたのも、お前のお陰だよ。まさに二人三脚だったな。 koko made kurareta no mo, omae no okage da yo. masa ni nininsankyaku datta na. We've only made it this far thanks to you. We've only made it this far thanks to you. You and I have worked hand in glove all the way.

Akechi ⋯光栄です。 ... kouei desu. I'm honored to hear that. ... I'm honored to hear that.

(Before anything else, note the little pause on Akechi's acknowledgement: the Japanese text has an ellipsis. These pop up at the start of a number of Akechi's lines ("total waste of my time" in the third semester is another), and they're usually stripped in the localisation—which is a bit of a pain, since the pause indicates that we should be thinking about that line—that it's important.)

The second half of Shido's line is also cut—masa ni nininsankyaku datta na, literally "you and I have truly been like a three-legged race". In translation "we've worked as one, we've worked in tandem, we've worked hand in glove".

This is high praise. This is what Akechi has been living for. This is what he wants. This is his confirmation that, when he installs Shido as prime minister, the rest of his plan will follow like night after day.

So what's going on in his head? He knows Joker is alive. The rest of the phone call confirms Shido is under attack from the Phantom Thieves. He gets a sharp confirmation that he's at the threshold of his triumph. And he runs to remove the threat to it as fast as ever he can.

Also, of course, Joker being alive is a personal threat—Akechi has failed to kill him, Akechi has failed to come out on top in their epic rivalry, Akechi has been tricked. Did he have regrets? Did he feel remorse? Is he haunted by the interrogation room, or was he just going over and over it, trying to see what he knows he missed? Either way, Shido's line of praise there confirms Akechi in his intent to make sure Joker stays dead—assuming he was wavering at all, which is a big assumption.

so what's that line of akechi's

So to address the question, finally:

First of all—note that he's using the sad sprite for that entire little monologue. He even has a headshake just before this line. Why is he sad? He's not performing sadness here, he's talking to himself. Why are you sad about this, Akechi?? It's not even the only sprite he can use here—he switches to his ordinary straight-to-camera sprite for "All that remains is to tell him".

What about what he's done over the past two-and-a-half years, or indeed the past two-and-a-half weeks, might make Akechi sad? It's not necessarily a nice sadness—it seems self-pitying, if anything. "Oh, poor me, never mind all the people I've maimed and murdered"—though that lack of concern for his victims is highly on-brand for Akechi, the most self-centred boy who ever walked.

Let's leave this one as an exercise for the reader. Does he feel sad about any of his victims?—Joker would qualify, and Wakaba. Is he feeling guilt, or remorse? I think he can, and does, but IMO there are other scenes that sell that better. Or maybe not.

can we look at the speech yet

So this isn't actually one textbox—it's essentially a single line that stretches over three textboxes. Let's take them one by one.

Akechi そ��て、神の意思で授けられたような、ナビとペルソナのお陰で⋯ soshite, kami no ishi de sazukerareta you na, nabi to perusona no okage de... And thanks to the Nav app and the Persona bestowed upon me by the gods... And thanks to the Nav app and the Personas, granted to me as if by divine will...

Slight modifications here—Akechi, of course, has two personas rather than one, though it's perhaps not out of the question that he thinks of himself as having only one, most of the time? I do think that you na ("seems like") is important. He's not saying "the gods gave me my power", he's saying receiving his power was miraculous.

Of course, he has that line later about "maybe a god, maybe a demon"—but that comes when he's properly off his head. It may be something he comes and goes on, and of course it's safe to say that in the engine room, he finally lets his freak flag fly. Note that Shido certainly thinks he's been chosen by the gods, and his shadow, at least, makes no secret of it at all. And Akechi does tend to follow where Shido leads.

Akechi 邪魔者たちを、この手で片付けられた。 jamamono-tachi o, kono te de katazukerareta. I managed to dispose of any who got in my way. I took out all those who stood in the way with my own hands.

Here's the key line. First, note that this is another place where, as with Cognitive Akechi's "you wanted him to love you", there is no pronoun given—Akechi never says "those who stood in my way"—but the translator has inserted a likely pronoun. The original does not state outright who Akechi's victims were in the way of.

Of course, Shido's targets are all also in the way of Akechi's revenge. That makes them his targets. So this line is intentionally ambiguous, both in the way Akechi puts it and in the way he thinks, which makes turning it into "in my way" or "in his way" both a bit inappropriate IMO.

katazukerareta is the past-tense passive of katazuku. You might recognise this one because it means "tidying up"! But of course, you can tidy up people, not just objects, and so katazuku is also a slang term meaning "to kill"....

kono te de is often lost in translation—it can mean "using this method" or "in this way", and be redundant. But in a context like this, it can often mean something like "with my bare hands" or "with my own hands", so I've retained it. Could it be that the method, the "hand" he's using is the persona he mentioned? Possibly. But then Akechi doesn't use his persona for many of his victims—he shoots them.

The interesting one, and the one this whole post is to highlight, is jamamono-tachi. This is used a few times in the script. Sometimes it's innocuous, but most of the time it's talking about a person in the way—Futaba's relatives treat her as a jamamono. ALC provide us with the delightful translation "a spare prick at a wedding"!

And this word pervades the conspiracy's scenes. Here's Shadow Shido:

Shadow Shido 邪魔者は消す⋯今まで通りな! jamamono wa kesu... ima made toori na! I'll erase any who gets in my way... just as I've always done! I'll eliminate anyone who stands in my way... just as I've always done!

So there's a high likelihood here that Akechi, looking back on what he's done (with the sad sprite, don't forget), is referring only to the people he's eliminated for Shido. I thought for a while that this line meant he must have made significant use of Call of Chaos on his own behalf, to advance himself, and I still think he must do at least a little of that, just to know what his powers are? He can't possibly show up on Shido's doorstep, newly awakened, without a fair weight of wrongdoing already behind him..?

... or maybe he really does. Planning is not his strength, it turns out, certainly not as a furious fifteen-year-old boy. Maybe he really does get his personas, see his chance that hell and heaven have given him, and go to Shido saying "hello, I have these powers, and I'd like to use them on your behalf".

And that makes it all so, so much worse. An Akechi who shows up not even knowing what his powers can do, innocent of anything so far but being corrupted by his circumstances and family background, open to whatever Shido wants him to do with them, is so much more awful—and so much less culpable, which kind of annoys me.

Anyway, here's Wonderwall the last textbox:

Akechi それも、ようやく⋯ sore mo, youyaku... Though it took me some time to finally do so... And now, at long last....

youyaku typically means something like "at long last" or "finally". I don't ... see anything here that's talking about time? It may be to do with how you complete the sentence. Because a pretty common way to complete that sentence would be this:

それもようやく終わる sore mo youyaku owaru And that's finally coming to an end.

So does he really want it to be over? I'm not sure that he does—I'm not sure this is how he's felt all along, or all the time; we can speculate, of course.

I wonder what recently happened that might have made him decide he's ready for it to be over, though—until he's reminded to change his mind. It seems like he always has these little moments of self-pity, these moments of introspection—that, in the end, never matter to him, or make a difference, and can't save him. The only thing that saves him is understanding that others care about him, at the end, and that comes far, far, far too late.

[tm-trx]

currents.46[2024]

selections from my week in media [10-16 november 2024]

[ listening ]

[ loving ]

Taemin at the Korea Grand Music Awards - I'm obsessed.

[ reading ]

Tallowwood by N.R. Walker - mlm mystery romance set in Australia - One of this author's best.

[ watching ]

Every You, Every Me, ep 5-6 - My favorite story yet and I'm bummed there's only one story left, assuming they do another two episode run. I love the concept of this show and I think they really did a great job with it.

The Hidden Moon {finished: 3 stars} - Finally, in the last three episodes, we find out what the heck is going on. Apparently, everyone's dead except for the ghost. I wish the acting had been better and the plot tighter (10 episodes actually felt too long by the end, weirdly). And I, of course, would have loved a reincarnation meet cute epilogue, because it is more than a little sad that Khen briefly met reincarnated Mas in the future and had no idea.

The K2 {finished: 4 stars} - I can't believe I forgot how whump-tastic it is. And Madam is a fascinating character. She dominated every scene she was in.

The Legend of Vox Machina, s3 ep 6-12 {finished: 5 stars} - My favorite season yet. This series is so good, but this season in particular was emotional and dramatic in the best ways.

Peaceful Property {finished: 5 stars} - What a great wrap up to a great series. Somewhat predictable, but excellent all the same. I am adding this drama to my Halloween watchlist. It's definitely one of the highlights of my viewing year.

Perfect 10 Liners, ep 3 - Within the first three episodes, we've had cautionary tales about both road rage and drunk driving. What's next? Or will one or both be recurring themes? Arm and Arc are both ridiculous in their own ways and I'm loving the romcom-y nature of the performances. Book's style of slapstick is somehow really working for me, when usually I'd be supremely annoyed (the spittake in episode one(?) is going to be a highlight of the series). I cannot take either of the characters seriously because the show is clearly going all in on the tropes. The drawback to that, of course, is that if the other couples are more serious and have deeper storylines treated more seriously, then the disparity is going to be really obvious and clunky. So, fingers crossed they keep it fairly light across the board and avoid that.

previous Currents posts

.

[disgruntledkittenface]

✨️ Twenty Questions for Fic Writers ✨️

Thank you @allwaswell16 and @haztobegood for tagging me! I love reading everyone's answers to these <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

60, including one cowrite

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

831,513

3. What fandoms do you write for?

One Direction. I use the BBC Radio 1 RPF tag for pairings with Nick Grimshaw, and I used the Shawn Mendes (Musician) one a few times, too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

you came into my life, caught up in your love affair, baby, you're the end of june, an honest mistake and tell me what you need

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I love replying to comments, even when I feel awkward about it. I really like getting replies from authors, I find it discouraging not to, so that's partly why. But a nice comment really makes me day, and I want to let people know I appreciate that. But I might miss one occasionally, and sometimes I don't reply if I think the commenter is being rude.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's probably my first fic, This Town. The whole fic is Niall processing Zayn leaving the band – but more importantly leaving him, and they don't get back together in the end. It's not my fault, Niall wrote a sad song! But also I was in the thick of grieving, so. That's what happened.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I almost, almost always write happy endings, so I could really pick this one at random lol, but I'll go with enough to make a girl blush. I really love how far Louis has come at the end of that fic and how happy she and Niall are together and how good they are together. Plus, I wrote a happy little timestamp for Harry and Zayn (count me in).

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten comments that don't sit well with me, but not really. I did post a fic set at the beginning of COVID before I knew how bad it would get, and someone messaged me to say they were sorry about the hate it was getting... but I didn't see any?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes! I write smut that I find hot, girl direction and boy direction. When I started writing, I felt like I wrote absolutely terrible smut and I worked really hard to figure it out. Practice makes progress, baby.

10. Do you write crossovers? What the craziest one you've written?

I've written a couple of reality show AUs with the actual people from the shows in the fic – you came into my life and you wanna be on top? Nothing too crazy!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I think someone stole a shiall one-shot and posted it on Wattpad. Weirdly, I feel like I haven't made it because that doesn't happen to me more often.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! Most recently, someone asked if they could translate pink like the paradise found into Russian and they were so lovely.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I took part in a round robin for Nic's (@louandhazaf) birthday a few years ago! (Louis referring to merlot as the basic bitch of wines was me!) Co-writing has come up as an idea a couple of times, but the timing or idea etc has never been right.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I kind of have to fall deep for a pairing to write them, so I love a lot of pairings! Aside from larry, I think gryles might be my favorite. Something about the pining best friends who can't be together because of... REASONS just gets me where I live.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I had an idea for a lilo exes to lovers AU based on bennifer and I wrote a snippet that I really liked for it, but I felt like I was white washing Jennifer Lopez, if that's the right word? Like you can't separate her from the fact that she's Puerto Rican, so casting Louis in that role didn't feel right. I could try to figure out another way to approach it, but I don't really think I'll feel inspired enough.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm really good at continuity, and writing scenes with lots of people and involving all of them.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I always feel like I start sentences with "Niall did this" and "Harry did that" (sorry, writing narry at the moment). So, narration that's not action? Does that make sense?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it can be done effectively. I liked how the French worked in Darling, so it goes. It made sense to include because Harry moved to a country where he didn't speak the language. I tried to make the meaning of the French clear when Harry understood it, but I didn't include translations in the notes because Harry didn't understand a lot, and I wanted the reader in his shoes. I worked really hard on the French because I don't speak it, but I asked @somethingwittyorother to look it over and their feedback was incredibly helpful.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

One Direction!

20. Favorite fic you've written?

It's usually the last fic that I posted, so right now it's Suddenly Last Summer. I had the best time writing it and it was such a fulfilling creative outlet, and I just love it.

I'll tag: @crinkle-eyed-boo @uhoh-but-yeah-alright @neondiamond @kingsofeverything @louandhazaf @absoloutenonsense @homosociallyyours @nouies @onlythebravest

[mappingthemoon]

recent things

I was tagged by @gowns five days ago while I was in a state of being mentally checked-out from everything while simultaneously scrambling to finish all the work on my desk before EOY. But now, I am on WINTER STAYCATION!!! & trying to maintain realistic expectations re: how much burnout I can self-heal within the next two weeks (the answer is none). Anyway!

Last song you listened to: “Feel” by The New Sound of Numbers, and just before that, developing a new appreciation for the whole of Garbage: Version 2.0 :D

Last movie you watched: Time Cut (Hannah MacPherson, 2024). I do watch a lot of bad movies on purpose, but this was like… ultimately a 90-minute commercial for [a certain Italian-American casual dining chain] masquerading as a time-travel story, so that was kind of annoying. I haven’t looked at N-tflix for like (*checks email*) 3 years and wasn’t aware of like, just how bad some of their ‘content’ has gotten. But they do have a few things I’ve been wanting to see, and since I’m an over-35 I don’t know how kids these days watch free movies anymore (*logs into slsk* *tumbleweeds*), so I signed up for one (1) month, ugh.

Last show watched: Last night I fell asleep to an episode of the Noel Fielding baking show. I don't really have the time or attention span to keep up with shows. We did catch up with Rick and Morty this year (having last watched szn 4 ca. 2020) but I might be kinda done with it now.

Currently reading: Sun Moon Earth: The History of Solar Eclipses from Omens of Doom to Einstein and Exoplanets / by Tyler Nordgren (2016). Just before that, I read Equus, which I had picked up at a thrift store a couple years ago after hearing that my birthdaughter (then aged 15/16) had recently seen a production of the play :v

Current obsession: Man, I don't know. This reminded me of a meme I made: Aries Waiting for Their Next Hyperfixation to Drop (the image is Spongebob Waiting) and when I looked it up I was sad-surprised to see that I'd posted it way back in January. Have I been obsession-less all year?? Hmm. I will say, though, that for the past few years, I've spent a lot of my free time excavating, organizing, and cataloging my personal archive, which feels like some weirdly necessary and appropriate thing to be doing in the early years of middle age: where did I come from, where am I going, and all that. This started as a memory exercise several years ago, when I realized I could no longer accurately remember provenance details for items from my past, such as zines, or name everyone in old high school photos, etc. I used to be the kind of person who could pick up a trinket from my shelf and tell you where and when and under what circumstances I got it and why I still keep it, but I just don't have that capacity anymore (the Lifetime Piling Up feeling), so I started making spreadsheets and documents -- books, zines, music, movies, concerts, tattoos -- and maybe it has spiralled into a bit of a self-obsession -- t-shirts i miss, cameras i once knew, ceramic bowls of beads and other tiny objects that live on my dresser -- buuut I dunno, man, I've gotten like 10 different zine ideas out of this process so far, and I feel that I'm doing some kind of psychological Work here -- actually, I feel very similarly to the type of Nesting Behavior I was doing in the last months before my birthdaughter was born 18 (!) years ago. It's like tying up your loose ends and getting everything in order before Death, in the Tarot sense of the word, meaning Transformation. I think that I have been craving a Transformation for quite some time, but I feel so directionless and I don't yet know how it will manifest. Anyway. Big Winter Solstice vibes, right?

Tagging: @pitchburgh, @hthrrloooo, @madmoths, @an-inconvenient-dandelion, @hesterparr, @rustbeltkitsch

[clatoera]

Always Remember We're Burned for Better Chapter 19: Always Remember We're Burned for Better

Here we are. The TITULAR chapter. Only two more chapters follow this, one being the epilogue. We are at the end of the war. We have made it. We are just about at the end of this fic. It is absolutely wild we have made it this far together. I finally picked a title for the sequel, so thats cool. This is the longest chapter by far. It is the most important. They have been burned, and now it is time to find that it is for the better.

I have a LOT of emotions in writing this. I never imagined how it would feel to nearly finish the biggest fic i've ever done. And I'm feeling a LOT. Idk. I'm kind of sad about it?

title from The Great War. Also the titular chapter of the fic. Wild.

AO3

Masterpost.

As always, thank you to my friends. For your endless support and listening to me ramble. I literally cannot thank @ohhowwehavefallen enough. @kentwells who has essentially helped me restructure some things in the sequel already that i'm honestly weirdly excited for. @mollywog who was my first ever commenter who continues to read a story about a ship that she isn't even a stan for. @crookedlyniceperson my dear meme maker. @clarascrabarmy my nightshift angel who talked me off a ledge last week. And so so so many more. I am just.. yeah. Feeling a lot about this fic. It's been a crazy crazy ride.

And as we approach the end I just need to say thank you all.

Note: I do not own any of the Mockingjay content in italics, that all belongs to Suzanne Collins.

I'm like. On the verge of tears as I post this.

The banging at the door is incessant and alarming, more frantic than was usual in such a militant district. Compared to the festivities of the night before, with the wedding of Finnick and Annie, such a frantic rapping at the door pulls them from their comfortable position in each other's arms. 

Cato doesn’t really move, shifting his face to bury it in Clove’s neck, pulling her body flush against his even more so than it already was. “Mmm, think they’ll go away if we ignore it?” He murmurs, voice muffled in the mess of hair between his lips and her skin. “Think we’re in trouble for missing breakfast?”

“Seems a bit more urgent than missed scrambled eggs.” Clove mumbles in response, pulling the thin cotton sheet higher up over their shoulders, no intention to greet the stale morning air beyond the warmth of their minimally comfortable bed. The two twin beds pushed together was a FAR cry from the comfort of their home, but they both knew they likely would not be returning to such luxuries for quite some time. She’s about to continue ignoring the banging, content to rest in his arms until something of worth drags them out, when the knocking both deepens in intensity and increases in speed. “For fucks sake,”

The banging does not relent, and Clove is reluctant unbury her face and push herself out from under the weight of Cato’s arm, which falls on the bed behind her hips with a dramatic thump. Her feet hit the floor as she rocks to a sitting position, and the cool underground air prickles the hair of her skin. She ignores the dull ache the cold introduces to her skeleton, the way her shoulders throb just deep to the planes of her skin.  For a moment, she thinks about how this is going to feel in the winter in the mountains of District Two, before she remembers she will likely never step foot back in her District. 

The violent outbreak in District Two eventually did turn towards the side of the rebellion, but not before sides were further divided, largely because of Cato and Clove themselves. Many of the loyalists did hear them, saw them for the children who were born, raised, and sacrificed to the games in their childhood, and took their pleas of reality. There was still a small camp, though, who dove further into their cause, citing Cato and Clove both as traitors to not only their home but their country.  While it had ultimately turned out against the Capitol, the beliefs would remain. IF there was a District Two to return to, would they even be welcome?

 The banging continues to hasten, and Clove actually sighs out loud as she searches for something, namely, Cato’s shirt, from the floor before slipping it over her head and shuffling closer to the door. 

The exact second that she turns the door handle, the heavy metal door comes flying open as if it were made of cardboard and not steel, and Clove is pushed back into the room by the flurry of blonde that comes rushing in.

“They’re gone. Everyone is gone. Katniss, and Finnick, and their whole film crew and everyone is gone and It’s just us and Annie and Johanna and–” comes so fast that the words are nearly imperceivable by their intended audience. 

“Good Morning to you, too, Glimmer.” Cato rolls to his back, now understanding that no, he would not be going back to sleep anytime soon. “Can you breathe between your words so we can understand what you’re saying?”

“You’re pleasant in the morning,” Another unexpected voice follows, as Marvel follows in the room behind Glimmer, rubbing his eyes as his socks shuffle along the cement flooring of the rooms. “I don’t remember you being all grumpy in the games.”

“You look ridiculous.” Cato snaps, before stretching his arms above his head, holding his head in his hands as they rest on the pillow behind him. As result the sheets slip lower, leaving practically his whole torso bared to the room. “Shirtless isn’t for everyone.”

“I was asleep!” He defends mildly, before stifling another yawn. “It’s like..five in the morning, give me a break.”

“Why are you waking us all up at five a.m. Glimmer?” Clove redirects, practically grabbing Glimmer by the shoulders, stabilizing the blubbering, pacing girl. She looks frantic, nearly mad even. “Glimmer! Words!”

“Everyone is gone.” Glimmer grabs Clove’s arms, digging her nails in with a panic. “They’re gone, went to the Capitol gone.”

Clove’s face must fall first, as the realization hits her far faster than it does the men. Her fingers tighten on Glimmer’s arms ,and she shakes her just a little. “This is…it? This is the end and they just…left us? They didn’t even want us to help–”

“Sure did!” Yet another voice enters the room, this time the snarky tone of Johanna sliding into the room behind the other four. “Thanks for waking the whole district Blondie- oh GOOD Morning.” She laughs the second she sees Cato in his sheet on the bed, clapping her hands together once. “We’re the leftovers, but damn, I’ll take it. Speaking of leftovers, Clove if you get sick of-”

“Johanna i’ll still fucking kill you.” Clove warns, a sharp edge in her voice that relays that no, she is not in fact even slightly joking.

“Okay hold on, why would they leave without us, we’re useful.” Marvel argues, crossing his arms across his chest, before he sits himself on the foot edge of the bed,  far from Cato on the other side. 

“How useful are you, really, Marvel?” Johanna taunts, before shutting the heavy metal door behind her, protecting the secrecy of their conversation. “I’m sure they gave Katniss a bow and Finnick a fucking trident, nothing like sending people into an active warzone with symbolic weapons. Did you all fail your readiness tests? I almost made it then they flooded the fucking streets… tried to send me back to the hospital and everything?”

“You can swim, what's that matter?” Cato pulls himself to a sitting position to join the rest of the group more properly. “You’d never have survived the quell otherwise.”

Johanna bristles but goes quiet, suddenly shifting her focus towards a rather interesting spot in the floor, when Marvel speaks for her.

“Back in the Capitol they uh..” He waves his hand around, gesturing something Cato nor Glimmer quite grasp. “With the water and the electricity, they shocked her.”

“Electrocuted.” She corrects, before raising her head to look around the room again. “Not that it matters now. I didn’t pass and clearly neither did any of you–”

“What test do you mean?” Clove cranes her head to look at Johanna, but does not move her hands from where she holds Glimmer’s arms down, noticing the way her wrists twitch to reach for the skin of her own arms. “They didn’t tell us about some test,”

“A field readiness test. To see if you were capable of handling whatever the Capitol threw out?” Johanna now sits on the makeshift king bed, a few feet away from Marvel but no closer to Cato to prevent the risk of Clove taking it as a move on him. “They must have considered all of you too big of a liability to even think about sending you out there.”

“Do they think we’re just..team Snow? After all they’ve done to us, after all we’ve said?” Glimmer shakes her head, disbelief at the lack of trust this cause has for them, after the repeated displays of loyalty they have all given time and time again. “They just think we’re not worth including?”

“I, for one, am fine with not dying in this war. We made it this far, besides, they would have sent us out there like idiots trying to fight a war with swords and knives. A suicide mission, really, if you think about it.” Cato announces, but the disdain on his face reveals to Clove that he’s a little bitter about missing his final chance at violence and bloodshed in the Capitol streets. 

“We’re all dead anyway if Snow wins.” Johanna reminds them all, leaning back in Clove’s bed, stretching her arms out around her. “May as well watch the end of the world from a bunker. Aren’t you all tired of being used as little show ponies by both sides?”

“She fucking hates us, I can’t believe she didn’t want to exterminate us. She looks at us like we’re rats plaguing her district.” Clove says, but the way her eyes flit around the room shows she’s hesitant to even elaborate. 

“Who? Katniss?” Glimmer cocks her head, narrowing her eyes like she wants to defend the symbolic girl herself. 

“No..Coin.” Clove whispers, looking between them all as if she cannot believe they do not immediately agree. “She looks at Katniss like it, too. She doesn’t like us. Any of us.”

“Maybe it looks better for us not to even be there, then to turn for the Capitol and die for them.” Cato suggests, leaning back to prop his head up in his hand while his elbow rests on the pillow once again. 

“She hates us. We might be dead no matter who wins.” Clove warns, and immediately, turns to face the rest of them. “We should get Annie, too. It’s not fair to leave her, especially if Finnick’s already gone.”

“I’ll go grab her.” Johanna volunteers, pushing herself back to stand. “What a wedding night, wonder how that feels to have your brand new husband choose war over you.”

“He might not have had a choice.” Glimmer suggests, knowing all too well how it felt to be a symbol of something against your will. 

Johanna heads towards the door, pausing to look Clove over, pausing to bring attention to her bare thighs and legs that peek out from under Cato’s shirt. “You know, you have nice legs under all that crazy, Clove.”

“Go get Annie, Jo.” Marvel sighs, once again stifling an exhausted yawn  “If we’re going to wait out a war in here, can you two at least put clothes on.”

“Awwww…don’t be jealous you aren’t getting any Marvel.” Cato taunts just as a pillow smacks him in the face. 

——

They are kept in the dark on the status of the battle of the Capitol. 

Perhaps the whole district, the whole world is, but it feels like the six of them are particularly cut off from the reality of the outside world. 

The day itself is very…odd. No other term to describe it than weird, really. There are no overhead announcements of the change of a shift, nor announcement of mealtimes beginning. Maybe they are happening and the group of them are simply unaware, but after hours of, well, nothingness…Cato makes the call that he’s starving and he will be finding something to eat. 

He's on his way back from the kitchen, leftover cake from Peeta’s creation the night before in his hands to serve as their snack, lunch, AND dinner, when he physically collides with Haymitch in the hallway.

The older victor tries to nod and go on his way, but Cato grabs him by the shoulder to stop him from running. 

“Why didn’t they tell us?”

“She didn’t tell me, either, sunshine. Katniss isn’t one to give other people a heads up.”

“That's not what I mean and you know it, Haymitch. After all we did for them, they don’t even want us there when it ends?”

Haymitch gives a hesitant glance around, all too aware that the walls listened for even the lightest whimpers. “Plutarch wanted as many victors there as possible. Coin didn’t want anyone who could be seen as a Capitol loyalist-“

“We’re loyalists? Me and Clove, who literally have no home anymore as a result of this war? Glimmer, who risked it all to expose what they did to her? Marvel? Who doesn't even know what to believe? We’re loyal to Snow?”  The thought is unbelievable to Cato, who has lost his home, his family, and everything but Clove to this war. Have they not given enough to show that they are anything but a threat to this new world. 

“It isn’t me saying it, kid.” He gives another hesitant glance around. “Remember what I'm telling you right now, okay? About how she sees you all.” 

—-

The four of them sit on the still unmade bed, the screen in the room turned on in case of any sudden update that has still yet to come. Johanna had ushered Annie out of the room not terribly long before, after the lack of update had sent her spiraling to something akin to a panic attack. Johanna insisted she just needed to be alone, and that she’d bring her back once she was more stable. 

Clove’s head is on Cato’s thigh as he feeds her bites of the cake, her feet up against Glimmer’s legs where she is curled up under the blankets, head resting on Clove’s pillow. Marvel sits at the foot of the bed, distracted from all but the turquoise buttercream on the cake before him. 

“Shame he’s from twelve, he could’ve made a killing in a bakery in One.” Marvel comments, swiping the left over icing off the plate with his finger, before shoving it in his mouth. “That kid can bake.”

“I’m not sure there's really going to be district divisions left after all this. You can go get some loverboy cupcakes anytime you want.” Clove teases, before accepting another fork full of cake. “If there's even a Peeta left after today.”

“Why would they send him? Isn’t he literally programmed to kill Katniss? Isn't that a liability?” Marvel questions, before full on just digging directly into the entire tier of cake Cato had brought back with him. 

Something clicks for Cato, the words of Haymitch Abernathy combined with months of watching and absorbing the way things go down here. Everything is always intentional. “Maybe that's the point.” 

“You think the point is to kill Katniss?” Clove raises a dark eyebrow, but props herself up on her elbows to get a better look at them. “Isn’t her whole point like…to represent the cause?”

“..but maybe she’s more symbolic dead?” Glimmer suggests, following along with what Cato is implying, tucking her blanket over her shoulders before snuggling deeper into the blanket. “...do you think we’re all more symbolic dead?”

“Honestly, I don’t know-” Cato is cut off when the TV actually flashes on for the first time all day, proudly displaying the Capitol seal before one Caesar Flickerman appears in a news anchor-esk desk. 

“For fucks sake, how is Caesar still alive?” Clove groans, but pushes herself to sit beside Cato as the tv calls their attention. 

“He’s the capitol’s favorite cockroach.” Marvel jokes, before he too turns around at the foot of the bed to watch whatever news Caesar brings. 

“They’re alive.” Is the first thing Glimmer whispers, tuned out to the snide remarks on alliances and loyalty from Cesar, as she tunes in directly to seeing FInnick, Katniss, and even Peeta alive. 

As Peeta grabs Katniss to throw her down, and some unidentified member of the squad pulls him off, a silence falls across them all. An uncomfortable silence, one that settles in the air and makes any word feel simply futile.  

“Do you remember the night before the quell?” Marvel finally says, clearing his throat as he does so. There's something in his voice, something between realization and fear, and Glimmer is the first to recognize it. 

“On the rooftop, yeah, why?” She follows up, and nearly reaches forward to grab his shoulder but stops herself, still, even in this end of the world moment, afraid of what he would think. 

“Doesn’t this feel a lot like it?”

—

Two entire days pass without another update. Two turns to Three. Three turns to Four into Five. 

It is five days later when they get their next news on the active battle in the Capitol. Ironically, they are in exactly the same space. Clove leaning with her legs and feet in Cato’s lap, who is sitting up against the wall that serves as the head board on their bed. Her head is across the bed, in Glimmer’s hands where the girl threads intricate braids through the length of her hair giving her something productive to do with her hands. The biggest change is that she now also leans on Marvel, who once again sits cross legged at the foot of the bed. 

“What do you think will happen next?” Glimmer brings up, raking her fingers through the soft waves at the end of Clove’s ever growing hair. “Like..what's next for us?”

“I think the answer is supposed to be live happily ever after, if you ask Annie.” Clove snorts, but stretches her legs against Cato’s torso to get him to pick up her feet. “I honestly haven’t thought about it.”

“You haven’t thought about what happens after this ends?” Marvel questions, leaning back against the metal bar of the bottom of the bed. 

“Why should I? Who knows what's left out there for us? District Two is literally ashes. I’m an actual orphan now, Cato’s probably also a war orphan. We literally probably don’t even have a home left for us.” Clove looks over at Cato, who is just nodding his head in disagreement. “Are we going to have to be drifters?”

“You could always just come stay with us for a while, if we even have standing homes. Otherwise we can all go hide in the mountains of District Two, living out of tents… it’ll be like we’re in the Hunger Games forever.”  Marvel suggests, but his face twists up as soon as the words are out. “Scratch that. Not like the Hunger Games. I don’t want to think about those..honestly? Ever again. But seriously. We may all be living out of tents so–”

“I am not living out of a tent.” Glimmer scoffs, eyes rolling to the back of her head. “After all this, I deserve at least running water. And a maid. And a chef.”

“You don’t need a chef, Clove’s right there and homeless.” Marvel teases, but the concept does bring another pending issue to the front of his mind. “....do you think we’re going to have to get like…jobs?”

“Oh absolutely fucking not.” Cato chimes in, taking Clove’s foot into his hand and digging his thumb into the center of arch of her left foot and for a moment they are seventeen on the train to her games for the first time again. “We won the Hunger Games. Monthly stipends for the rest of our lives, remember? Have we not done enough?”

“They may not care about all that, if there's no games, does it even matter if we won them?” Clove questions, before she tugs her foot back out of his hand as he pressed his finger in, nearly kicking him in the process. “You asshole.”

“I am not getting a job. When I was little my mom used to say I could either marry a victor or be one. And I am one. Working retail in One was just never even on the table for me!” Glimmer sounds nearly scandalized at the suggestion, sitting a little straighter and leaning against her once-boyfriend. “Katniss should add that to her list of concessions. We keep our income.”

“It’s not like there’s going to even be that many victors left.” Cato points out, smirking as he goes for Clove’s other foot, holding her ankle firmly in his hand so she cannot pull away this time. “It’s the least they could do for us.”

They had destroyed their homes. Stripped them of their livelihood as victors. Slaughtered their families and their friends. A monthly stipend was the literal least that the new government could do. 

It’s not like any of them really had employable skills, anyway. 

The television crackles on against any of their will, and the Capitol insignia once again covers the entirety of the room in a bright, blinding light. The familiar anthem of the Capitol plays, and Clove is the first to scoff. 

“I wish Katniss didn’t have dibs, I’d love to get my hands on Snow for this-” Clove starts, but her blood runs cold as soon as she sees what is being displayed behind him. 

It is an image they are all too familiar with. As the anthem plays the holographic pictures of fallen tributes scroll on the screen. This time, though, the tributes are people they know all too well. 

Finnick Odair. Katniss Everdeen. Peeta Mellark. 

“No..no. no. no.” Glimmer shakes her head, disbelief quickly turning to agony as her own breathing speeds up and she falls quickly over the edge of her own emotional distress. 

Nothing, absolutely nothing, is as chilling as the screams of Annie Cresta-Odair that echo through the depths of District Thirteen. 

“They can’t be dead, there's no way they’re all just..gone.” Clove tries, but the evidence is in front of her. Of course there is a way. They are in an active battle ground with literal bows and knives and tridents. They were never intended to come out as victors. 

Glimmer is beside herself, resolved to hyperventilating, body shaking sobs as the broadcast transitions to Snow. 

“We should go to Annie..” Marvel suggests, but as Glimmer physically collapses against him he can’t find it in him to do anything but bring a hand up to her shoulders, as he had done all those years ago during Clove’s games. Johanna is probably with her, if the footsteps running through the hall and the two rapid door slams indicate. 

Snow appears on their screen, and gives some speech about Katniss being a misguided girl.

“...I think we need to have another conversation.” Cato warns, leaning forward to grab Clove and pull her into his lap. “What do we do if Snow wins this?”

“I’m not living in a world with him in control, I can’t I can’t I can’t.” Glimmer cries, further digging herself into her ex-boyfriend's shirt, letting (or rather pleading) him wrap a single arm around her to give her any semblance of comfort. “I can’t go through it again.”

“I’m in no fucking hurry to get back in his hands, I won’t. He took everything from me. He stole who I am. I’m not living in his world.” Clove agreed, noticing the way she herself was also breathing rather heavy as a result of the news. Not to say she was panicking but..she also wasn’t far off. Her heart pounded, raced really, in her chest. After everything..she couldn’t survive in a world with Snow. 

The screen is disrupted when Coin takes over, and gives an empassioned speech about Katniss as well. Her false emotion is obvious to them, who are all too accustomed to her fake niceties. 

“She caused this! She’s the one who sent her in there with Peeta and Finnick and it’s her fault.” Glimmer blames, an arm at her waist the only thing that keeps her from lunging at the television in her rage. Coin is justly the target of her ire, as the loss of Finnick is like feeling the loss of a limb. They were the ones who went through it all together, and she is likely the one of the only ones who remain who have experienced the sexual abuse at the hands of elite capitolites. 

“Lesser of two evils, Glimmer, lesser of two evils.” Marvel tries, but it is no use as Glimmer loses it yet again. 

“Cato’s right.” Clove says, leaning back in his arms. “We need a plan if Snow wins, we can’t get back in their control.”

“What do you suggest, Clove? We hold a Hunger Games down here of the surviving victors? Just take each other out?” Marvel questions, not even slightly considering it. It’s preposterous to him, that they’d just be able to annihilate each other as if they had not gone through an entire war together now. 

“I don’t know if we could do it.” Cato admits, shaking his head just a little as he pulls Clove properly onto his lap. “After all this..yeah we can take ourselves out but could we really kill Annie? Or even you , Glimmer, I'm not sure I'd be able to.”

“I couldn’t kill you.” Clove fully admits, tucking her head against Cato’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around her waist for him by grasping his hands. “I spent my whole life trained to kill you.. And I couldn’t do it. Not now. I couldn’t kill you, Marvel, even though you irritated the hell out of me when I met you. We survived the fucking capitol together. Glimmer… you are the closest thing to a friend I have ever had. I guess that makes you my best friend, doesn’t it? You have taken care of me for months down here. I can’t kill you. And God, Cato, you’re the love of my life. After all this shit, there's no chance in the world I’d be able to kill you so easily anymore. I don’t know what comes next if Snow wins…but come on. We can’t throw it all in so easily. We’re probably the only Career Victors left. We can’t give it up so easily.”

—

The war ends three days later. Formally, at least. 

 The television refuses to shut off, with mandatory viewing of evacuations and all cameras focused on the president's mansion an endless background noise.

Clove is laying on top of Cato, face tucked into his neck as he runs his hands over the small of her back absently. There has been a tension in the air ever since the conversation of the end of the world under Snow, and they had spent the majority of what could be their last days on earth alone with each other. 

Go out with a bang, right?

Go out with a bang, quite literally, when the mandatory viewing of evacuations turns into a mass civilian bombing by the Capitol. Or more specifically a mass bombing of the capitol children. 

“It’s like their own Hunger Games. Just..mass murder of kids.” Clove remarks from her place on his chest, tucking her chin against his sternum so she can look up at him. “Feels funny to see the games that way.”

A second bomb wipes out the camera footage as the bomb wipes out thousands more. 

Neither think much of it. They had been broadcasting the mass deaths of peacekeepers and rebels alike for days. What is one more bombing, what are thousands more added to the death count. 

It is not until an hour or so later, long after the broadcast has cut out, that a banging resumes on their door as it had days prior. 

This person, though, does not wait for the door to be opened, and instead keys in a code from the outside that flings it open. 

On the other side of the door is Haymitch Abernathy, a beanie on his head and a smile on his face for the first time maybe ever. 

“It’s over!” He announced from the door frame, hand still grasping the handle. “It’s over.”

Clove raises her head first, and Cato’s face whips around to face the door. It is Cato’s turn to break into the ghost of a smile as he waits to confirm what Haymitch is saying. There’s no way the man had broken in that enthused if Snow had won, right.

“We won?” Cato calls out, grasping Clove’s hip under the blanket so intensely that it was sure to leave bruises behind. 

“We won.” Haymitch narrows his eyes at the two of them, gesturing to the sheets that covered them. “If you two will disconnect from one another and get dressed, they’re going to fly us all out for the big execution of Snow.”

“...we’re invited?” Clove snarks, raising a dark eyebrow, but unable to stop the smile that is threatening to creep across her face. “What’s the occasion?”

“The war is over, kid. Everyone’s going.” Haymitch winks at them, and for the first time maybe ever, Clove recognizes him as another victor like herself. And maybe, just maybe, he sees them for that too. 

The door shuts on them both as Haymitch hits Glimmer’s room next, as evidenced by the shriek they can hear through the wall at the announcement. 

The reaction of Glimmer, or Marvel, or Annie, Or Johanna doesn't matter, not right now. 

Not when Cato grabs Clove’s face in his hands, and pulls her up so that they are only inches apart, his thumbs brushing across the freckles that dance over her cheeks like constellations. 

It is better than winning any fight, better than the night before any Hunger Games. 

“It’s over.” Clove whispers, her own hands coming up to rest along his jaw, her thumb stroking over his cheek. “We won.”

“It’s over.” Cato agrees, the smile fully breaking out on his face now. They won. And if they have nothing else in the world..they have each other. 

He pulls her face down to crash their lips together, and if he can taste the saltiness of tears he is kind enough not to mention it. 

Seconds, Minutes, who knows how long passes before Clove forces herself to pull back just a little, just enough to catch her breath. Their noses still brush, foreheads still together, when she finally, finally lets out a sigh. 

“We survived a war, Cato.”

“We always survive, babe. We always do.”

—

 The flight to the Capitol is unlike any train ride or victory tour ever felt. It’s a moment of victory all its own, yes. 

And yet, there is the feeling of unfinished business in the air. A war that is over but not quite. 

It is also the longest a journey to the Capitol has ever taken, a far cry from the quick train rides from Two. 

“Everything is going to change.” Clove warns Cato, sitting in their own little corner of the hovercraft. 

“Maybe it’s for the better.” Cato suggests, lacing his fingers with hers as he crosses his ankles out in front of him. It was strangely reminiscent, sitting side by side like this, of being kids on their lunch break at training. Their entire lives have centered around anchoring the other, really.  He nods in the direction diagonal from them, where caddy-cornered to them sit Marvel and Glimmer, in a position not at all unlike their own. They watch as Glimmer rests her head on Marvel’s shoulder and how he smiles down at her like she’s the source of all the light in the room.  “Maybe it’s for the better.” 

—

The first person they see upon landing is Effie Trinket who is back in her head to toe over the top regalia. Well. Some things change and some things do not. 

“Welcome, Welcome!” She greets, a megawatt smile plastered across her pale painted skin. Even in her Captiol attire she is still not quite as outlandish as she had once been. There is a wig and heavy makeup, yes, but it is not at the level that an escort would have once been. 

She had likely been brought out earlier, with Coin and Plutarch and other military stars. Still. It was nice to see a familiar face, with all the loss they were about to face. 

“If you will all follow me, we have thrown together a little prep team of sorts! To get you all presentable for the execution. It’s a big day!” Effie leads them into the president's mansion, and Clove straightens as she is reminded of all the torment she faced in these very rooms. Cato notices– of course he does, they are truly two halves of the same soul– and instinctively wraps his hands around her just a little tighter.

“The other surviving victors are slowly coming in, there's not many left but!” Effie starts and it is the immediate scream of Annie Cresta that draws all their attention.

“Finnick!” 

“Annie!”

Clove and Cato turn around just in time to see the two of them collide, when Annie wraps all her limbs around his shoulders and hips, as he holds her as if she weighs nothing. 

“I thought he was dead.” Clove whispers, disbelief and even joy laced in her tone as she addresses the district twelve escort. “And Katniss and Peeta–”

“That's what they had us all thinking! But no! Katniss and Peeta, they’re alive as well. Katniss’s poor little sister, though, it’s truly tragic.” Effie puts a hand over her heart to show sympathy, but continues to lead them down the hall where various groups are being reunited. 

“Prim is dead?” Cato pauses, and quite literally stops walking in his tracks. “How was she even involved in the war to begin, she's a kid–”

“The bombing. At the end. She was there as a medic.” Effie explains, though the tone in her voice indicates that something is, once again, being left unsaid. Something didn’t fit. 

Cato and Clove share a look, one that speaks their agreement, that something is off and they need to discuss what exactly it is. 

They pass yet another door and a flurry of blonde and sparkle catches Clove off guard. Her eyes go wide, and she nearly says her name, before a manicured finger comes to shush her. 

“It’s a surprise.” Mouths Cashmere, where she stands side by side with her brother Gloss just beyond the door. Glimmer had clearly not seen them yet, but the shining smiles on their twin faces revealed to Clove they were all too excited to be reunited with their baby sister.

Clove felt the sinking feeling in her stomach, at the realization that there is no one waiting to be reunited with her. 

Cato must feel it too, as he realizes that he likely lost his sister just like Katniss. He did not have a little sister any more to excitedly await the reunion of. 

“Perfect! The District Two Room!” Effie announces, and leaves them at the door. “You two will be prepped soon. Enjoy the meantime!”

Effie cracks the door for them, and gives them each a knowing smile before she heads off in the general direction of what they can only assume is District Twelve preparations for Katniss, Peeta, and Haymitch. 

Cato takes the lead on pushing the door open with his fingers, and god is he glad he did when he feels Clove practically sink like jello in his arms beside him. He feels her before he hears her little gasp, and Cato is looking at her, missing exactly what stands beyond the door frame that is bringing his girl down. Clove, though, couldn't miss it if she tried. 

“Well you two have looked better.” The cocky voice comes from just beyond the door frame, and Cato feels Clove’s hand slip from his just as he finally looks up to see who waits for them. 

Brutus and Enobaria. 

Their lifelong mentors. 

“Enobaria.” Clove whispers, before she is moving as fast as her legs can carry her to cross the couple of steps between them. Immediately, she throws her arms around the woman’s shoulders, clinging to her as she did seventeen years ago when she was the only person in the world to find her worth comforting. And like she had seventeen years prior, Enobaria pulls her close, her hair finding the back of her head as it had so so many times in her childhood. 

She is not just her mentor, no. This is the woman who raised her. This is who made her into a victor. It only took a war to see that.

“You’re alive.” Clove cries against her, as she buries her face against her shoulder. “You weren’t in Two, I thought you were dead.”

“Oh, we were there.” Enobaria promises, pulling Clove’s head back so that she can wipe at the tears under her eyes. 

“You should have seen her, the day that interview with Peeta aired. I heard you in the background, and in no more than thirty seconds she was in my living room demanding we get involved.” Brutus admits, holding out his arms and scooping up the tiny girl, for the first time in her entire life showing Clove any semblance of appreciation and affection. “You had half a district coming together in your defense, kid. All led by Enobaria.” 

He sets her back down, and no sooner do her feet hit the ground before Enobaria is back to hugging her. 

“I am so so so proud of you. Both of you.” Enobaria promises, running her hand over the crown of Clove’s hair, pushing all the curled fly aways back from her eyes. 

“I hate to say it and pad your already unmanageable ego, Cato, but I am too.” Brutus admits, running a hand over Cato’s head to ruffle his hair playfully. “I can’t believe you two joined a fucking war against the capitol.”

“We can’t either.” Cato admitted, brushing his fingers through his hair to settle the now fluffed blonde atop his head. “We didn’t really have a choice.”

“It was for the best, though.” Clove points out, practically hanging her arms around Enobaria’s shoulders as if she were still the little girl all those years ago. She can see the way Cato’s jaw is tightened, the way he is holding back a comment or remark of some sort. 

“Do you know anything about Cato’s family?” Clove asks for him, eyes flitting between Brutus and Enobaria for any trace of an answer. “His sister..”

“We don’t.” Brutus admits with a disgraced shake of his head. “We were so deep on the other side of the district.. We don’t know much about anyone. But we do know that we’ve never heard them in the counts of the dead.”

Cato just gives a single nod of his head, looking to the ground so as to not show disappointment. This was something. They had someone left alive. 

Clove lets go of Enobaria, immediately going to lace her hand with Cato’s, wrapping her other arm around his back before resting against him. It was always a comfort to him, just to touch her. 

“I’m sorry, Cato.” Enobaria frowns, reaching out to gently touch his upper arm in comfort. “Victor’s Village is still standing. That's about it. But it's still there, and I think it’ll be livable within a few months. At least I hope. I’m going to One until it’s finished.” She gestures to Brutus with a nod of her head. “Are you coming?” 

“I’ll go wherever I can get a Clove Kentwell breakfast. You know. The pancakes. With the chocolate chips.” 

They unpack the rest of the realities of District Two while the prep team comes and dresses Cato and Clove. 

Clove and Enobaria are dressed nearly identical, all black trench coats and slicked back hair. The difference relies in the bubbles down the length of Clove’s ever growing dark hair, versus the sleek straightened length of Enobaria’s. 

Cato leaves Clove’s side only for the sake of being whisked off to get dressed himself, and by God Clove just about undoes all the hard work of the stylists the minute she sees him in that all black ensemble. The black button down is unbuttoned nearly to the middle of his chest, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. 

“You know, for all I hate this whole capitol thing, they always did make you look good.” Clove grins, stepping forward to wrap her arms around his hips. 

“I did not miss seeing this.” Enobaria mumbles, tossing Cato’s black wool coat on top of Clove despite the appalled yelps from the stylists over Clove’s hair. “Can’t you two save this for literally any other time.” 

Cato smirks, wrapping his arms around Clove’s hips before turning her in his arms so they both faced their mentors. “Oh you are going to fucking hate the bitch in charge of this new country, Baria.”

—

Cato is not wrong. 

While they are all led into a conference style room, the looks of thinly veiled disdain are not hidden on Coin’s face.  

She has since cut her hair, but that is about the only new thing about a leader in what was once Snow’s conference space. Different sides of the same coin, and all that.

This is all that remains of a pool of what was fifty nine victors prior to the quell. Fourteen of them. 

Glimmer waves at them excitedly from where she is nestled between her siblings, and Finnick shoots them a million dollar smile from where he holds Annie’s hand atop the table. 

Katniss looks cold behind her eyes, but nobody can say they are surprised. Katniss Everdeen went to the games and led a war for the safety of her baby sister, just to come out on the other side without her. Primrose Everdeen would never see the safety of the new world her sister had created just for her. 

“We’re sorry for your loss, Katniss.” Annie offers in a soft voice, rubbing her hand atop Finnick’s hand. “Both of them.”

“Thank you.” Katniss said politely, but her gaze is trained on Alma Coin. 

“Both of them..?” Cato whispers to Finnick, who sits at his right.

“Prim and Gale. He got dragged off right before the second bomb. He was shot right before it ended.” 

Cato nor Clove offer condolences for that loss. 

“I have invited you all here for several reasons…but first i’d like to announce myself as the interim president of panem.” Coin starts, calling the meeting to a start without bothering to announce she is doing so. 

Cato is the first to shoot her a look of disbelief, followed by Clove and Haymitch.

“How long exactly is that?” Haymitch questions, echoing the confusion of every victor in the room. 

“The people will vote when the time is right. I’ve called you here for a much more important vote.” 

President Coin goes on about the execution of Snow to occur that afternoon, followed by an explanation of the trial of every peacekeeper, official, and capitol elite who was responsible for the war atrocities they had all faced. She targets Glimmer and Finnick with reminders of the abuse of the victors, and directs commentary on loss of life to Katniss. 

“An alternative plan. A majority for can approve it. Noone may abstain. In lieu of these barbaric executions we hold a symbolic Hunger Games”

“You want to hold a Hunger Games, with the Capitol Children?” Johanna Mason clarifies, a deranged giggle escaping her. 

“You’re Joking.”  comes Peeta. 

“Was this…Plurarch’s Idea?” Haymitch clarifies.

“It was mine.” 

The admission is enough for it all to fall into place for the surviving careers. This is what Haymitch had meant, when he has warned him to remember how she views them. Every capitol atrocity..how easily that could be assigned to them. 

“You may cast your vote.”

Peeta votes no, first. Citing the kind of mindset that started these uprisings as his reason. 

Johanna is next, and with a laugh she votes yes, claiming she wants to see Snow’s granddaughter in the arena. 

“Let them have a taste of it” is how Enobaria casts her yes. “After what they did to our people..Let me in the gamemakers room.”

“I agree. It’ll be the fastest game we ever have. These kids won’t be able to hold a sword.” Brutus gives as his yes. 

“No. I vote no.” Annie dissents. 

“Me too. Absolutely not. These kids are not responsible for the crimes of their parents. We have had enough bloodshed. I’ve been hurt as much as the next person by the Capitol. But we cannot keep punishing kids for the crimes of their ancestors. That's how we got to this point in the first place.” Finnick agrees with his wife, a firm and vocal no. “We need to end this. That's why we just had a war.”

“No. We need to stop seeing each other as enemies.” Beetee adds.

“We never got our chance to mentor.” Cato announces, wrapping an arm over Clove’s shoulders. “The things they did to Clove..If I could put their kids in the arena directly, I would. I’m not mentoring those ones though. I don’t want to see them win. Besides… I think we need one last game. Fuck yes.”

“What Cato said. I had my life ruined by Snow. They stole my identity. Fuck them.” Clove agrees, giving a firm nod of her head. “And what Enobaria said. Let them have a taste of how it feels to lose everything to the games. I don’t even want one of them to win. Absolutely Yes.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you all. Did we learn nothing? Did we stand up in those last games, did we fight this war for nothing?” Glimmer’s disbelief seeps into her voice as she looks frantically between her fellow victors, and hurt fills her eyes as she makes eye contact with her so-called friends. “What happened to no more children being sacrificed? I have been hurt as much as anyone by the Capitol..but I don’t want to kill their kids. How are we any different than snow if we condone and support the murder of children. That's what they are..that's what WE were! We were all kids when we won the games. We were children.. And shouldn’t we, as the adults who have survived it..want better for these kids. Shouldn’t we want better to protect our children? No. Absolutely not. I can’t believe you would support this.”

“I disagree.” Marvel admits, trying not to flinch when Glimmer recoils away from him in downright horror and disgust. “I have seen the things they did to you. They did them to me, too. I remember how hurt you have been. I remember what it’s like to be tortured in a basement, and I remember how it feels to hope you can hear your friend–” He looks to Clove, “Whimpering across the cinder block wall you share to have proof she is alive. Johanna is afraid of water. Clove lost her ability to defend herself. Annie lost her mind, and Peeta lost himself. And Glimmer, I lost you, because of what they have done to us.  So you know what? Yeah. Fuck them. I say yes.”

She is glad to be sitting between her siblings, who each take one of her hands in their own. 

“Noone else has the right to use our trauma and our abuse to justify further violence. I vote no.” Cashmere announces, making a point to shoot absolute daggers in the general direction of Marvel and the other careers. 

“You don’t get to weaponize our experiences. Only we can do that. And I stand with my sisters. I vote no.” Gloss agrees.

“It’s down to Katniss and Haymitch.” Coin announces, shifting her eyes between the two remaining revolutionaries. 

“I get to kill snow.” Katniss all but demands, and in that moment they know exactly which way her vote is going to go, and her yes will completely tip the scale in their favor. When Katniss votes “Yes. For Prim. “ it brings the vote to a solid 7 to 6. 

There is a wordless exchange between Katniss and Haymitch, and there is murder in her eyes. Whatever is said is well understood by both players. 

Haymitch holds the power to play peacekeeper or tip the scales and he does what he knows best. 

Haymitch sides with Katniss. Notably, he does not vote yes, more so that he is with the Mockingjay in whatever she brings to the table. 

“That Carries the vote. Excellent. We’ll announce the games tonight after the execution.” 

—

“What the fuck is wrong with you.” Glimmer grabs Clove by the shoulder as she passes her room, pulling her out of the hallway and into the privacy of a guest bedroom. “Was all of this for nothing, Clove?”

“What the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with you? You were raped and beaten and horrifically abused by the capitol and you don’t want a little bit of revenge?” Clove snarls, ripping her arm out of Glimmer’s grasp. “You want to lay down and be remembered for what they did to you, or do you want to be remembered for getting back at them? Think like a career, Glimmer.”

“You don’t get it, do you?! She isn’t going to stop with the Capitol kids! What happens when it’s not enough for her for it to be the kids of Capitol Elites. What about when it’s kids of ex loyalists in the districts? When It’s the kids of careers? Or even just the children of victors, Clove? What happens then?” Glimmer peaks into the hallway, to be especially sure they are alone. “Clove. You and I both know that neither of us are going to have kids. We know that. We are never having children. But you know who’s at risk under this whole plan? Cato’s little sister. Any kids of Annie and Finnick.”

“Glimmer, it’s just one last game–”

“That's what they always say, Clove. But it won’t. It won’t. And then it’ll be us again. She hates us. You said it yourself. She hates us and we are no safer under this plan than we were with Snow.”

How can Clove refute that when she knows, deep down, that it is alarmingly and painfully true. 

–

The knock on the door startles Katniss, who is catching the reflection of her Mockingjay costume for the last time. 

Clove doesn’t wait for permission to enter, and slips in through the unlocked door. She waits along the wall, hands tucked behind her back. “I’m sorry about your sister.” 

“Yeah, well, this is the least we can do for her, right?” Katniss slings her bow over her shoulder, before she turns to Clove. “This isn’t about Prim, is it?”

“We aren’t safe under her are we?” Clove whispers, fully aware that her words are probably treason and a one way ticket to her own execution. “This isn’t going to stop with one game.”

“No.” Katniss agrees, but does not vocalize which part. However, the look steely look when she locks eyes with Clove tells the other woman all she needs to know. “...do you still carry knives with you?”

“Of course I do, who do you think I am?”  Clove rolls her eyes, but stops another snarky remark from coming when she realizes there must be a reason for Katniss to ask such a thing. “..why?”

“I’d just say to have them ready. You know. In case I miss.” Katniss suggests before straightening her Mockingjay pin for the last time. 

“You don’t miss, Katniss.” Clove nearly laughs at the absurdity of it all. Katniss would never have made it this far if she were anything less than flawless with a bow. 

That being said, Clove would never have made it this far if she weren’t born to throw a knife.

“Neither do you.”

—

Katniss leads the march out to the execution, followed by a line of Victors who have been wronged in some way or the other by the Capitol. Clove is on the Far right, Cato immediately to her left with their hands interlocked. 

It is symbolic, as this whole thing is, that the remaining victors lead the march down the boulevard of the tributes, revolutionaries filling the stands on either side of their flanks.

“Bet you never thought we’d be doing this again.” Cato teases, giving her hand a light squeeze. When he turns to look at her face, hoping for any glimpse of a laugh, he catches the glint of something shining in her palm. 

No.. there's no way it’s that. 

“Bet you never thought we’d have survived a war before we turned twenty one.” Clove teases in response, rubbing her thumb over the back of his fingers. She is at the far end, and she cannot even see Glimmer, Marvel, Finnick, or Annie on the other side. Enobaria and Brutus walk in line with the two of them, and for the briefest moment, it reminds Clove of the end of a Victory Tour, when the victor is led to the President by her mentors and her team. Is this really all that different from that moment, anyway? 

It is somehow both the longest and shortest walk of Clove’s life, seeing as every other time she had been on this particular stretch had involved a horse and chariot ride. 

The end approaches as soon as it starts. Clove feels a tightening in her chest that stretches all the way across her back. It isn’t quite panic, and it isn’t fear. It is the kind of heart racing she felt in the beginning of every day of training, how she felt when the podiums rose in the hunger games. 

It’s adrenaline. 

Katniss is at the front of their pack, yes, but from where she stands on the far right end she has a clear shot at the president tied to a wooden pole.  It’s less than 20 feet, there's no possible way Katniss would just..miss?

Coin is beginning her ramble about a shot to end all wars, about the end of tyranny, but Clove is focused on Katniss. 

“Babe, what are you doing?” Cato whispers, noting the way she does not even look up to the president as she speaks, nudging her with his shoulder. 

She does not budge. 

“Mockingjay. May your aim be as true as your heart is pure.” 

Clove sees the decision the minute Katniss makes it, and suddenly she gets what she meant by miss. 

This was her gift to Clove.

Katniss’s chin and shoulders tilt up at the same moment the handle of the knife slips from around Clove’s forearm and into her palm. 

In the same moment that Katniss releases the arrow, there is a gasp of shock when it is not an arrow that pierces Snow’s heart but a knife that lodges itself right between his eyes. 

Coin falls to the ground with an arrow to her heart as Snow’s skull splits in two. 

He had taken this very thing from her, he had taken her aim and her strength, he had taken what made Clove Clove. 

Two leaders were dead, the fate of Panem now resting in the unknown hands of democracy for the first time ever. 

Peeta slaps something out of Katniss' hands, just as she is pulled away by guards. Clove lets out a laugh, throwing her head back as Cato  is the one to grab her and pulls her to the side. 

This is what all those countless hours of training with Cato had been for. To get Clove back. 

And that's the thing about Clove Kentwell. 

She never misses. 

—

Clove does not face the same consequences as Katniss in the aftermath. He was scheduled to die– as far as it is seen Clove simply carried out a mission Katniss abandoned. 

It is the victors who write a litany of letters in immediate support of Katniss Everdeen’s release. They write of tyranny and the horrors the country would have faced under Alma Coin, terrors that are not at all unlike the dictatorship they just escaped. 

All together, there are letters from Cato, Clove, Marvel, Glimmer, Johanna, Finnick, Annie, and Beetee that are brought together in their undying, complete, and total support for Katniss Everdeen and her decisions that day. Victors will always support their fellow Victors. 

“We’ll see you soon, in One?” Marvel checks the morning after the executions, leaning on the doorframe of the guest room Cato and Clove are currently packing their minimal belongings to leave. “Glimmer..hopefully she’ll move past all her issues with us all soon. You can stay with me.” 

They do agree to go to One, first. The train doesn’t even stop in Two, all things considered, and from the discussions with Enobaria it would be futile to even stop. Their home was in shambles. They need time to heal before addressing the crumbled castles of their childhood.

“Come on, we get our own train car!” Enobaria reminds them as they stand on that train platform, Her own minimal luggage in her hands. “We won’t have to listen to Cash and Gloss lecture us until we arrive in the district, isn’t that a real treat.”

Clove cannot seem to will herself to take the steps forward towards the doors of the train. The last time they  had taken them had been to this very spot, where neither of them had intended to come back. Even though they are not going home– and likely will not for many months– it was just the right side of unbelievable. 

“It’s kind of crazy, isn’t it?” Clove looks to Cato, holding her hand out for him to take. “For the first time in our lives.. We can do anything. We can have anything. We can go anywhere in the world we want. Just..not home.”

“We’ll go home, one day.” He promises, before he bypasses her hand and instead wraps his arms around her shoulders. Cato rests his chin atop her head before kissing the crown of her hair. “We survived three Hunger Games between us. A little bit of post-war reconstruction has to be nothing, right?”

Clove snorts, leaning back in his arms as they take in the remnants of the Capitol together. “Yeah, but post war reconstruction involves us living with Glimmer and Marvel. We’ll be finding Glitter in our hair for the rest of our lives.”

“If the rest of our lives are a hundred years, I will be happy to smell like glitter and roses for all of them.” Cato promises, leaning down further to kiss her on the cheek more properly. “What do you think we do now?”

“....we live our lives?” Clove offers with the tiniest shrug, before she turns in his arms. “I love you. I don’t say it enough. But I love you, Cato. More than anything else in the world.”

“I know.” He promises his girl, leaning down so that their foreheads touched despite the massive height difference. “And I love you, too. But you already knew that.”

“You forgot something. You said we survived three Hunger Games, and reconstruction. But we survived an entire war, Cato. We survived the greatest war in Panem history.”  Clove points out, before she laces her arms around his neck and rests them there. 

“Will you two get on the train?” Brutus grumbles as he walks past, shaking his head in fake disdain. “You two never change, do you?”

“You may be adults who survived torture and a war, but I’ll still beat your ass if you have sex on this train.” Enobaria threatens from the doorway, waving her hand towards her. “Seriously, come on, I’m already tired of babysitting you two again.”

Clove laughs. Genuinely laughs as she leans back in his arms, taking a step back and nodding towards the train. 

They pause in the doorway, giving one last look over the Capitol as they remember it. They’d be back, probably, but never quite like this. Never in the shadows of war. Not as the remnants of the teen tributes they still feel like they are. 

“You know, how you said everything is going to change for the better?” Clove asks her husband, sliding her arm through his, resting her hand on the crook of his elbow as she rests her head on his shoulder. She lets out a content sigh, and smiles against his arm. 

“Yeah?” Cato cranes his head down to look at Clove, at the girl who has quite literally been at his side for the last fifteen years of his life. And now, she’d be there for the next fifteen. The next fifty, if they were lucky. It’s about time that the odds were in their favor. 

“I think you were right.” 

[tame-a-messenger]

too long for comment so I am going into ask box again

I am kinda sad how the handled sword AF so far in general and are STILL handling it. Even if the answer is "hey, we are not sure when sword AF will return/we are uncertain about the future of it in general,". It would be so much better to get than just silence. Also, I get that it kind of underperformed, and it must be one of the most expansive things to produce. So yeah, it kind of underperformed slightly in a Smosh context, but it had SO FUCKING MUCH FANWORK. Like, fewer people cared about it, but the people that did care A LOT. Which, like, you can tap into that to finance it. For example, I feel like sword AF merch would perform really well.

We can't know, but if we are not getting Sword AF for financial reasons, that would be so stupid. Because I don't think it has to be that way.

This is all just wild speculating when it comes down to it, and the reasons are definitely more complicated that (time is very likely a BIG factor as well)

Typically, I am really not a fan of guessing and speculating based on so little, but because it is about a show, I give myself a pass haha

*Rattling at the gates of Smosh HQ, "WILL SWORD AF RETURN FROM THE WAR???"

(Additional thing: In a way it was kinda funny they announced that sword AF wasn't going to happen hours after it was supposed to drop. Like were they actually surprised people cared about it??? Haha. )

That's what I find so disrespectful about all this. They haven't said a peep about Sword AF since they delayed it.

I understand that the views didn't do SUPER amazingly well, but they didn't do worse than a lot of other content they've put out? The first ep of S1 got 1.4mil and over the whole 9 eps it got a total of 4.7mil views? (I'm including the "Movie"-comp of all the eps - it had 403k)

The least viewed video (weirdly) is the final ep. I think it's because a lot of people fell off watching it. Keep in mind, they uploaded episodes every two weeks, which I'm willing to bet is a big reason why a lot of people stopped watching.

I feel like most first seasons of D&D campaigns don't start out with crazy views, it's expected to gain traction the more it goes on? That's how I feel.

I agree that running a D&D campaign does take a lot of effort and (from what I've heard) takes a lot of world building and really is a huge time sucker, I can see how they would want need more time to work on it (giving only 3-4 months to write a whole season in-between doing voice over/other freelance work sounds like a lot) so wanting more time I understand. It's just that they haven't given any updates or talked about it AT ALL, that's what's really weird.

SO many people love Sword AF! There was so much fan art! and everyone was talking about it in fan spaces!

Like it was so loved! and I know a lot of table top/D&D people are LOADED, and they would 100% buy even the worst looking merch because of how much they liked the series! (I would by something with Rumpum on it! That sounds so fucking cute!) so I don't see there being any real reason not to do a S2 except either they don't have the time to write it/or are just generally really busy, or some totally unknown reason behind the scenes??

At the end of the day it is just really bizarre to me that they haven't mentioned it at all? like not a peep?

"(Additional thing: In a way it was kinda funny they announced that sword AF wasn't going to happen hours after it was supposed to drop. Like were they actually surprised people cared about it??? Haha. )"

(Was it not the exact time it was supposed to be uploaded? I remember waiting for it and seeing the community post notif at the exact time it was supposed to drop? or maybe 15mins after? either way-)

That was such a slap in the face. It hurts worse now that it's been enough time that I can be certain there was NO WAY it was even close to being finished (or maybe even started?) They really waited till the absolute last- no, PAST the last second to let us know it wasn't dropping. What a way to shit in the face of the people that cared.. (I literally cleared my schedule to be able to watch it and was waiting for the clock to hit 1pm (I live est) thinking I was gonna spend at least an hour watching the new ep.. I can only imagine how many other people had gotten stuff set up to watch, that got fucked with.)

I do want a S2, I want them to say something about it at least. And they BETTER apologize about how they handled it.

[eldritch-elrics]

i think i forgot to make a post about it, but i finished silent hill 1! it was so good! was a little confused about some of the revelations at the end, but overall i loved the vibes and the story and everything. that final area was especially so creepy! also i gotta respect how obviously the story ended up being about reproductive autonomy hehe

now i am playing silent hill 2. it's also very good! love how they've really refined the aesthetics and everything! i am a little bit sad though that some of my complaints about the first one haven't really changed - for example, it's now even more finicky to spot/pick up items, i think. weirdly enough i think i actually liked the fog effects in the first one better too.

but in sh2, i'm immediately way more invested in the story and the characters. angela is fascinating and i'm interested to learn more about her. james also feels like he has more personality than harry, though the two are pretty similar. i just got to the part where maria is introduced - there's some immediate intrigue! what could be going on :O also she feels like she's supposed to be kind of sexy in an uncomfortable way (i'm not sure how to describe it) which is also intriguing.....

pyramid head is cool too. he's smaller than i thought he would be which is really funny. judging by his first cutscene i'm assuming he's some sort of metaphor for the themes of sexual violence (at least, i've heard that's a theme in this game?), and i'm interested to see if he factors into the story at all.

another thing i love about both sh1 and 2 is their animation! the cutscenes (especially the fmv ones) are always so strong, and in 2 i'm happy to see that (perhaps because of a budget increase?) they've upped the number of small cutscenes. so you get animations filled with personality for stuff like.. james sticking his hand in a suspicious hole. lol

like the first one, so far sh2's combat is nothing to write home about but i am so glad there are no more of those flying fuckers

anyway i'm excited to play more! i accidentally played like 4 hours today lol. no spoilers...

[eletricheart]

Where The Skies Are Blue

(Mira Kano x Reader)

part 1 here (Queen of a Heart)

*image creds to the owner

Word count: 1.047

"So, if you ever need a fool

Who will give you a love so true

You can always find me where the skies are blue"

----------------------------------------------------

The post meteor scenario was concerning. The hospitals were full, many gravely injured or with the unknown threat of developing further conditions.

Which is why you had to stay for two more weeks after waking up in the hospital and having a roommate of sorts.

Tho you worried for the woman next to you, wishing for her to be well.

Day 1

"Hi…the nurses told me that talking to you may help your recovery, so here I am." You weirdly chuckled and continued. "I know you don't know me and it must be pretty weird to be listening to a strange voice but I thought it would be nice to read something for you, so…here goes 'The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo'. It's a good book I promise."

Day 3

"We're done with Evelyn, hope you liked it, it's one of my favorites. And since you can't protest against my choice of literature, today will be 'Me Before You', get ready for a trilogy."

Day 9

"Even I have to admit the other two books were not that good, so it's okay if you want to murder me after my choices. However, for your happiness I should be leaving in a few days, my exams are coming out fine, therapy is well…therapy."

Day 10

"I wanted to read a book to you, but I'm worried that it's too sad, I don't want to make things worse. So we can try 'The Lady's Guide to Celestial Mechanics', it's good too."

Day 12

"I made new friends today, they were in the whole meteor accident too. We hung out in Ann's room, 'cause she is also bedridden, but Kuina and Chishiya can walk around freely. If you ever hear chaos, it's them."

Day 13

"The doctors told me you're okay, at least physically. I hope you wake up."

Day 14

"I asked one of the nurses about you, I couldn't handle my curiosity. They told me you're a psychiatrist, which is really cool by the way. Maybe you can continue your career once you wake up."

Day 15

"Today is my last day and you still haven't graced me with your voice, I'm truly hurt right now, you should wake up to apologize, just saying."

You sighed with defeat once there was no response and left the room to say goodbye to Ann. Kuina and Chishiya left a couple days ago, so we've already been through that. It's not a forever bye, we still see each other, just no more food heist.

When you returned to the room in order to finish packing up, the woman was awake. You were shocked but stayed on the door to not intrude during the exams.

When the medical team left you still stood awkwardly on the door. The woman just raised her eyebrows in a silent mockery and waited for you to enter the room.

You quickly introduced yourself to her, not mentioning the past couple weeks as to not scare her, and explained why you were cleaning up your side. She didn't say anything for a while.

"So you're leaving?"

To say you jumped in place was an understatement, but recomposed yourself. "Yeah, I've served my time here." You said, attempting a joke.

But she just looked slightly annoyed.

"The nurses mentioned you were reading for me, I don't remember that."

"Oh, it's okay, it was probably bad anyways, I just didn't want you to be alone."

You smiled and sat back on the bed.

"Read for me tonight."

Therefore, you started showing up everyday to see her, mostly to read a book but sometimes you brought flowers or tea. It became a habit to visit her, one you always looked forward to.

Day 20

Today you brought her a chess game. After reading "A Monster Calls" you both thought it was best to take a break. This was how you found out that she was extremely competitive. Even going as far to accusing you of cheating during times she won the game.

Day 21

Chess was more stressful than you expected, so you decided for a movie day. You introduced her to the classical "The Mummy" and she pretended to hate it.

Day 22

You had a fight, to be more exact Mira fought you. She hated tardiness and you were an hour late, of course there was a reason but the woman was too angry to care, simply leaving you out of her room.

Mira was nervous. Ever since she woke up you had been a constant, always trying to improve the days.

Being stuck to a bed was infuriating, having to attend therapy was more pointless. Mira knew what was going on, she studied and saw it countless times, no reason for all of these sessions with a stranger.

But you were there.

She tried to find a reason for your presence, some ulterior motive, maybe a disorder. There was nothing.

Three days weren't a long time, so why did she feel this way, this weird sense of familiarity.

When you were late Mira thought you had left. So when you showed she felt immense relief.

That's why she kicked you out, she got scared of what these feelings might mean. Finding it better to end before getting too attached.

Day 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28

You kept visiting her, telling stories from the door, humming or just sitting there. She didn't let you in during those days.

Ann kept telling you to give up but something begged you to try again, so you did.

Day 29

You started talking through letters under the door. She would ask questions about you and you would respond honestly with also small drawings.

Day 30

Mira let you in. It was her last day in the hospital. You helped her organize the room and move back to her apartment in the capital. Making quick stops at diners for milkshakes.

Day 31

It was the first official date.

You took her to play croquet, she never looked happier…and she won every single time.

Day 60

Your visa to stay in Japan was ending since you didn't have a medical condition anymore.

Mira took you to the park for a picnic.

Day 70

Mira asked you to stay.

Day 71

You stayed.

----------------------------------------------------

masterlist

[matston]

city life....

exams... exams... oh! and more exams! my life has turned into one big rabbit hole that I can't get out of! to think, it was only seven weeks ago that I was halfway across the world in my favourite city of London, and now I'm back home in my messy apartment up to my waist in task notifications.

and yes, sure! I do admit that perhaps staying out until the wee hours of the morning on a "school night" is not the most responsible action taken by yours truly, but I can't help it! live music waits for no one.

and laundry, laundry! the situation has gotten so dire that I am seriously considering burning my clothes and starting fresh (which is not really an option considering I just bought the cutest Tommy Jeans tank for only $20)

ok, it's not my fault that in every area of my life, I am the busiest I've ever been. my weeks are looking like;

rehearsals, catch the train, study, write an essay, study some more, buy an overpriced oat cappuccino, listen to lana del rey, put on some eyeliner, more rehearsals, more emails, call boyfriend (who's not my real boyfriend) more. study. more essays. catch more trains.

why, even now, i'm writing this blog post to escape writing my modern history essay! how fun. how joyous.

i am vowing to (from now on) to commit to the cute school style, you know? pleated skirts, early mornings, black coffee, tidy notes, books on books on books!!

speaking of books, here is the next section of this post (inspired by my very very favourite podcast Emergency Intercom) is

media of the week !!

Books: Currently reading A Little Life and I am up to page 218 and wow!! I so, completely get it. It is so insanely beautifully written and emotionally impactful and incredibly heartbreaking (please no spoilers, I want to feel an immense amount of sadness when I finish it) I'm also just starting everything I know about love by Dolly Alderton and I highly rate it!! Lastly, I began reading Girl in Pieces (and some of you are going to hate me for this) but I really am disliking it. I'm considering a DNF but I might stick it out.

TV: Not much to note except I'm rewatching the big 3 (Gilmore Girls, Gossip Girl, Pretty Little Liars), plus a little bit of SATC and Suits on the side. (which seem weirdly complimentary? is it NYC?)

Movies: I watched Fracture with my family this weekend and honestly, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I also watched The Craft and let me just say, I can't believe I didn't watch it sooner. As a child, my favourite movie was Disney's Hocus Pocus and it really feels like a natural progression. I want to frolic in the meadow with my girls and get revenge on people who have done us dirty. (p.s follow my letterboxd; matildawatches)

Music: Charli XCX's brat has really been speaking to me, most notably talk talk and mean girls. quickfire songs; Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl, Once in A Lifetime, Black Beauty, Rose Blood, Low, Get Back. some sad some random (elite reference) (p.p.s follow my spotify; bonnie-278)

anyways everyone! if you've made it to the end of this post i greatly appreciate! hope everyone is having a fabulous june and here's toa better july.

-B xx

[pbandjesse]

I am so tired right now. I was so social today and while it was nice to have people over, I really could have used a nap.

I went to sleep pretty quickly after I posted last night and I slept pretty well. I wasn't feeling amazing but it was fine.

My internal clock is very good and I woke up 3 minutes before my alarm went off. I would wash my face and got dressed. I wanted to be out of the bathroom so I wasn't holding up Evan and Noelle. Who would wake up soon after me.

I went downstairs to say good morning to James, after greeting our guests. James had gone kayaking this morning and was making us cornbread for breakfast. I was excited for cornbread.

I would pick up some stuff and put things away. And James would start making coffee and things for Evan and Noelle. We had an hour to hang out. Enjoyed James's fabulous cornbread with butter and blackberry jam. They used more butter in the batter this time and it was such a nice consistency.

Evan and Noelle had to leave at 9. They would actually leave a few minutes after that. I was sad to see them go so early but they had to go pick up a roasted pig for a party. I understood. We are all so busy but I really appreciated them making the trip. And I hope we hang out again really soon.

After hugs all around James would walk them out. I laid on the couch for a few minutes. But pretty quickly went outside to sit on the porch swing. I had sat out there for a few minutes first thing this morning but it was just nice to lay down with a pillow and blanket while the sun wasn't on that side of the building yet.

James would come out to give me a kiss. They went to stretch and get themselves ready for a 30 mile bike ride with Beth (from the museum) and her husband. They are training for a longer tour and this was going to be a lot of uphill. I would wish them luck before they headed out.

I would spend the 4 or so hours doing little things. I did some knitting. I laid out a few of my projects today to try and map out what I will need to make to finish them. My puff quilt is still only half way done. I want to finish these two smaller projects ASAP. And I need to get my temperature blanket up to date soon. It's nice to have all these projects going. And it's nice to have a plan to finish them.

I would pull out our Ren fair stuff and started thinking about my costume for this year. I have decided I need a simple linen apron. Something with thin strings. I may end up making it myself but we will see what I can come up with.

I would rest for a while. Sometimes inside. Sometimes outside. Crabcake and Sweetp were enjoying the nice weather. Once the sun came to the backyard I would come back inside. I tried to eat lunch but it hurt my stomach really bad. I would have a popsicle. A grape one. And I just focused really hard on being hydrated today. Putting a coffee lid on my water bottle helped a lot. I think being dehydrated has exacerbated how bad I've felt. So I am making a very big effort, even though I'm finding it very hard.

I would take a bath at 11am. I was feeling weirdly itchy and my skin was very dry. So a nice bath and scrub and nice lotion after made me feel a lot more like a person.

I would spend a little time putting things away and making outfits for the week. I was in a good mood.

Jorge would text me to check in about visiting. I let them know that James was planning to be home around 2 so to aim for then. They said that was perfect. They would do laundry, since they are flying back to Spain tomorrow.

I would rest on the couch. I almost fell asleep but I didn't have enough time to actually nap. And pretty quickly Jorge was knocking on the door.

It was really nice to have him over. I showed him the whole house. And we would hang out on the couch until James got home. James was exhausted. It was a tough ride! But they had fun. And would go clean off.

We would talk about camp and Spain and books and art. Video games. Life. James would pull out the bucket grill and made is hot dogs for lunch.

I was doing really good keeping it together. Eating was very slow. And I was just enjoying the company and chatting. James would show us a trailer for a video game about a detective frog and we would end up buying it. Maybe I'll play that later this week.

Eventually James would leave to go do laundry. Said goodbye to Jorge and wished him luck on his travel home. And then me and Jorge spent the next hour or so talking about AI as a tool, modern and contemporary art and how so often you have to spend time and research to really understand what they were trying to say with their work, and about books and authors we love. I told him about Karen Russel and her short stories and how much they impacted me. It was just really a lovely afternoon.

I was getting tired though and Jorge had a dinner to go to. So after showing him my current knitting stuff he would call an Uber and headed home. Big hugs and well wished all around.

I was proud of myself for not feeling sick but apparently I just held it together until then. I would pretty quickly fall apart.

I took my medicine and drank water and laid down but would just end up quickly crying until James got home.

They would put the laundry away and came and gave me a cuddle. And then went to enjoy their evening in the kitchen.

They need me a potato dish for dinner. And then jumped into Angel food cake and pasta making. Since the angel food cake needs egg whites and the pasta needs the tools, it's kind of perfect to make together. I am very excited for the angel food cakes. They made them for me a lot last year and they are so nice. Way better then the ones from the store, which almost are always to dry or sharp tasting. It will be a really nice treat for tomorrow.

And tomorrow I have work! I'm doing low ropes at camp for the highschool that comes their first week of freshman year and their last week of senior year. I always like working with this group. And the groups are supposed to be really small tomorrow. But I think it'll be fun. And hopefully I feel good and can just be positive. I am going to just really focus on having a good day. And then coming home to take a nap.

I am going to go get ready for sleep now. I hope to just get a lot of rest and feel great tomorrow. I hope you all have a great night. Stay safe, wash your hands. Until tomorrow.

[pearwaldorf]

20 questions for fic writers

sorta tagged by @antivanruffles

How many works do you have on ao3?

130 excluding the the podfics I'm listed as a co-author on

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

230,000. I'm a very succinct writer!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently OFMD. I have written a lot of (in descending order) Star Wars sequel trilogy, Good Omens, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Critical Role, and MCU.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

we wore the jacket for the longest time (Star Wars ST, Finn/Poe/Rey, 3200)

well you laughed baby it's okay (it's buzzcut season anyways) (nsfw; Good Omens, Aziraphale/Crowley, 1100)

human sacrifice and mass hysteria (nsfw, DA:I, Cullen/Dorian, 1080) This one has a weirdly long tail. I still get bursts of kudos on it every now and then.

balance theory (The Old Guard, Joe/Nicky foe yay, 660)

taste the stardust in my mouth (Star Wars ST, Finn/Poe/Rey, 560)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I do not. I don't have enough energy to write and respond to comments, so I'm sure people would rather I write. They are all appreciated though <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

a knife on the things that held us together for sure. It sets up the rift between Han and Leia after Ben's attack on the Praxeum and it's the last time Leia sees her brother. I was so emotionally wiped by it I couldn't even think about writing for two weeks hahaha

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics have happy endings, or at least hopeful ones.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

If I do nobody has ever told me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! I'm not sure what "what kind" means.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I've written exactly one, the Will Graham/Aziraphale one (I swear it makes sense in context). ngl it's pretty weird. Plenty of AUs set in different universes though!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I have. Somebody plagiarized "but you laughed baby" beat for beat. When I confronted them about it they said they must have subconsciously regurgitated it. Binch, I had to reread my own fic to compare, don't give me that shit. (They deleted their entire account afterwards. I'm not sad.)

12. What's the longest you've spent working on one fic? And the shortest?

Shortest is drabbles, and those take anywhere from 15-30 minutes. Longest? I still have a Mass Effect fic that I've been picking at on and off since 2012. I should just finish it up.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I refuse to pick.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Good Omens While You Were Sleeping AU is my only actual posted WIP. There are Reasons I tend not to post unfinished stuff.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm really good at nailing character voices and dialogue. I think I'm decent at striking a balance between pretty language and making sure it still moves things along. I have been told I'm very good at intimate character interaction.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

What the fuck is a plot?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Unless you're going for the half-remembered vocabulary because diaspora kid vibe (which I did in my Shang-Chi fic), get somebody fluent to translate for you. The amount of horrific Spanish I've seen in OFMD fic is... not good.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

X2! I thought I was very clever making puns on "le petit mort" in a Rogue fic

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I have a series! I love the extremely weird ones I wrote just for myself that nobody else seems to like, although the Ed/Blackbeard/Stede one is an exception.

I am where memes go to die, so if you want to do this, consider yourself tagged.