#i'm going to be so tired at work after that

[she-ra-ra-skirt]

My tags were getting out of hand so I moved here!

I put weight on with exercise as I have more muscle mass and I feel great for it. I had to stop using weighing scales and go by my clothes fitting better and the whole experience has been so much better than previous weight loss attempts.

There is also information out there, including a documentary that I don't know the name off and I'm too tired to look it up, that pointed out that diet companies don't want you to lose weight and keep it off, as they won't make money that way.

A diet like Weight Watchers or Slimming World etc are great to shift a bit of weight to get you started. But to really lose weight, you have to change your diet, as in what you eat every day. It's about researching alternatives to what you currently eat and replacing them little by little, as maintaining small changes is possible, unlike radical life changing overhauls.

I am slowly going from traditional British food, which is oven chips and some sort of protein, to more Japanese food of rice noodles and veg and miso soup and I feel so much better for it. It's been a slow, steady change, one meal at a time over a long period of time, and it's stuck.

I also won't weight myself but judge my weight by how well my clothes fit or how good I feel, and how little my stomach now bloats after eating. There are great indicators of a dietary change that aren't numbers, like being able to climb stairs more easily or get out of your chair more easily or just feel full after eating a meal.

It's fucking hard work but so, so worth it by how much better you feel and how your confidence will go up. And fuck what size you're told to be! You are you and unique and you are aiming for healthy.

Me: Exercise does not cause weight loss. This is a fact that has been demonstrated so robustly in research that even doctors, who hate and fear evidence, are grudgingly starting to admit this.

Someone reading that post: Cool, but have you considered that exercise leads to weight loss?

Me: I am going to eat you

[myth1cs]

That one back Tattoo (Son Chaeyoung x M!Reader)

I swear I'm working on that F!Reader fic. This is smut ... Sorry? (Should I still bother apologizing or...) Word Count: 2,088

Sitting at the bar with my girlfriend Dahyun was something that always made me happy.

"Y/N you're so silly sometimes!"

Dahyun was drunk enough to the point that anything was funny to her. I should have cut her off sooner but seeing her like this was just so cute. "Come on Dahyun lets go home."

"I don't want to go yet Y/N-yah! Can I get another shot?" I giggled at her question. "Come on Dahyun I think you've had a bit too much to drink." I had to pick up Dahyun and carry her back to our apartment. She showed little protest by lightly hitting me on my chest.

"I don't want to leave yet Y/N!"

Having to put up with a drunk Dahyun's protest was something I got used to after a few nights out. Luckily her sleepiness eventually got the best of her and she was sleeping in my arms.

Arriving back at the hotel I went in the elevator to get to our apartment on the third floor. But before the door closed another woman entered the elevator with us.

She was a rather short woman. Her clothes didn't leave much to the imagination. She was showing a lot of ski-

"Are you going to press the button or should I?"

I was quickly pulled out of my thoughts. Must've been staring for too long. "O-oh r-right you can press it first." She nodded at me and clicked on the button for the third floor. "What a coincidence we're on the same floor."

"Really? Well what are the chances of that? You know some people don't think things happen by "coincidence" do you?"

A rather odd question to ask but I guess I'll entertain her thought process. "Well I think some things are meant to happen but I don't think that everything that happens in our life is set by the universe or whatever."

"By the way who's that girl you're carrying."

"She's my girlfriend."

She hummed at my response and the elevator door opened. "Well if you'd like to discuss further you can come to my room at 308."

"Room 308? That's right next to my room 307!" Seriously? What are the chances my and this girl I just met are neighbors?

"Well who knows maybe it's a sign from the universe. By the way I never got your name."

"It's Y/N, and yours?"

"You can call me Chaeyoung. Anyways you better get going carrying your girlfriend must be tiring."

Once she said that she left for her room and I went into my apartment. When I got in I placed Dahyun on the couch and covered her up with a blanket.

I wasn't able to get Chaeyoung out of my mind. She was so attractive her tattoos, small figure, and those lips of hers were such a turn on. No wait what am I thinking?! Dahyun is my girlfriend I shouldn't be thinking of other women like this.

Feeling my cock get hard I went to the bathroom in order to relieve myself. Pulling down my pants and grabbing a hold of my cock I started to work on relieving myself. "Ugh ~ ah ~ Chaeyoung you're such a damn bad influence. You're making me have thoughts of cheating on my girlfriend because of you!"

Eventually I was able to cum and quickly started to work on cleaning up the mess I had just made.

-

I've been avoiding Chaeyoung for the past few days. Seeing her makes me think of inappropriate thoughts. I can't help but think how warm her pussy must feel. I bet she could suck my dick so well. Agh! Damn it why am I thinking of it again.

I suddenly bumped into someone.

"Shit sorry my bad I wasn't watching where I was going."

"Y/N is that you?"

Looking at the person I bumped into I realized it was Chaeyoung. Shit

"Oh sorry Chaeyoung I have to go-"

Suddenly she grabbed my arm and turned me around so I was facing her. My face was getting warmer and I can only hope she didn't notice.

"Hold on Y/N what's the rush? And why have you been ignoring me for the past few days?"

"Chaeyoung it's complicated."

"Want to talk about it?"

I shouldn't do it. Everything points to me not agreeing with her. I have a loving girlfriend already. No I can't say yes I can't!

But before I could even answer Chaeyoung started to drag me along with her. I wasn't able to get any words out so I just went along with her for the time.

Eventually we arrived at the front of her apartment. She grabbed her keys and unlocked the door. Her room was mostly similar to the one me and Dahyun had except her room was a bit more bare than ours.

She dragged me to her couch and sat me down. Chaeyoung sat next to me and crossed her arms.

"Y/N I don't understand why you've been ignoring me. If you didn't like our first interaction and didn't want to talk to me that's one thing but I feel as if you're purposely going out of your way to ignore me!"

I looked at Chaeyoung in the eyes. Should I tell her? No that's stupid and would be pretty awkward. What would I even say "Yeah the reason I've been ignoring you is because I just get thoughts of cheating on my girlfriend with you."

"I just thought you were a little weird. I didn't want to associate myself with you." A bit rude but I needed Chaeyoung to also get away from me. If she also starts to distance herself from me it would make my life way easier.

"That's a bit rude Y/N. But thank you for telling me even if it does hurt my feelings."

"Yeah, sorry Chaeyoung."

I got up to leave her apartment as silence fell between us. But before I could go she suddenly spoke up.

"Wait before you leave do you at least want to have lunch with me?"

I guess I owe her one. I mean I did say something quite rude to her just now I could at least make up for it by staying over for lunch.

"Sure"

Chaeyoung nodded and got up to go to the kitchen. I couldn't help but stare at her butt as she walked there.

"Do you have any preferences or allergies you want me to be aware of Y/N?"

"No, anything's fine."

She started to cook up something. I sat in silence as I watched her cook. While Chaeyoung was cooking she bent over making her shirt slide up.

I saw her exposed back which had a tattoo. Something about it was interesting to me.

"Why did you get that back tattoo Chaeyoung?"

"Found it interesting. Why, you want to get a closer look Y/N?" She gave me a certain look. If I didn't know any better I would say she's trying to tease me.

My face started to warm up. "Uhm ... kinda."

Chaeyoung started to walk up to me. Her hips swayed in a rhythm that kept me hooked.

She sat down on the couch with her back facing me. She took off her shirt exposing her bra. "Go on Y/N inspect the tattoo to your hearts content."

I felt my whole body get warm.

I put my finger on her back tattoo,I traced the outline. It was quite an interesting design. "What's it called?"

"The birth of evil. You know Y/N I have more tattoos but I'd have to strip for you to see them."

"Well what's stopping you?" I asked more as a joke.

"Absolutely nothing." Chaeyoung turned around facing me before she started stripping off her remaining pieces of clothing. Her body was more attractive than I originally thought. I couldn't focus on her tattoos and was only able to focus on her body.

"Y/N my tattoos aren't on my chest."

"I - uhm - agh." I tried coming up with an excuse but I wasn't able to think of one. My cock was starting to get hard and I tried to quickly hide it before Chaeyoung noticed.

Suddenly she put her hands over mine. "Mmm Y/N I heard you moaning my name the night we met. I'm telling you our meeting was fate."

Chaeyoung grabbed my hand covering my extremely hard cock and removed ir. She let out a coo "It's so big. I wonder how it'll look when it's free."

I started to panic as she started to pull my pants down. I shouldn't even be here when I have Dahyun. But a part of me wants this moment to never end.

My cock sprung out of its constraints and Chaeyoung licked her lips. "My my Y/N a bit eager to cheat on your girlfriend aren't you?" I wasn't able to form words because I knew she was right. I really wanted her.

"Go ahead and kiss me you little play boy."

I latched my lips onto Chaeyoung's perfect lips. They were so soft and perfect for me. Chaeyoung took my shirt off and moved her hands to my chest and pinched my nipples.

"Ouch Chaeng that hurt." I muffled into her lips. Though she didn't listen and only pinched harder.

She started to rub her hands all over my body. "Ah! Ah! Your hands are so perfect!"

I took my lips off of hers and started to move them down to her small breasts. They were a little bit bigger than Dahyun's but not by much. I put my tongue on her nipple and swirled it around and used my other hand to squeeze her other tit.

Chaeyoung moved her hands down to my cock and swirled her thumb on the tip. Some cum started to leak out and it helped her pick up the pace.

"Oh Chaeng your so damn good at this."

"Am I better than your girlfriend?"

Me and Dahyun have never had sex before and I didn't want to admit that I was still a virgin to her.

"Uhm - you're getting there."

Chaeyoung smiled at me "Judging by your long pause I'm guessing you're a virgin. Don't worry I'll be gentle."

She pushed me onto my back and put her mouth around my cock. "Mhm it tastes good. Virgins cocks always taste the best." I felt myself losing control over her words. She was slowly swirling her tongue on my tip and sucked really gently.

I used my hands to push her head down and Chaeyoung took my full length. "Yes just like that Chaeyoung." My cock hit the back of her throat and her muscles tightened around it.

Her saliva coated my whole cock. I started to push her head up and down on my cock roughly. Tears fell down Chaeyoung's eyes as she face fucked me.

Pulling her off my cock she started gasping for air. "Chaeyoung I want to feel your tight pussy on my cock."

"Y/N ... you're so horney! Is your girlfriend that pathetic?"

"Dahyun has never wanted to have sex with me."

"Poor baby Y/N. You deserve to release all of your cum." Chaeyoung got up and aligned her pussy to my cock. She lowered herself engulfing it all in her small tight pussy.

"You're so damn tight Chaeyoung!"

"Now Y/N let me show you what your girlfriend has been depriving you of." Chaeyoung started moving up and down. Her fluids were now all over my cock. I reached for her small and soft butt and started to give them a light squeeze.

Chaeyoung yelped at my sudden movement but went along with it. I started to squeeze harder leaving red marks on her butt. "I'm going to cum inside of you!"

"Yes Y/N fill me up with your thick semen!"

I spanked her ass hard and unloaded a long thick stream of cum inside of her. Chaeyoung's eyes started rolling back. "It's so warm Y/N!"

After 10 seconds the stream stopped and Chaeyoung collapsed on the couch. "Y/N do you believe me now? Our meeting was fate."

"I believe you Chaeng. But we have to keep this under wraps I don't want Dahyun to find out about us."

"Fine by me Y/N my lips are sealed. Just make sure to come visit me every now and then."

I collapsed on her and hugged her naked body and we both fell asleep.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't know if people prefer 1st or 3rd person writing so I'll just alternate between the both of them.

Anyways enjoy Chaeyoung, I'm facing delays so I don't think I'll have something up anytime soon but I'll try to finish the Thanksgiving smut on time.

[allthingsfangirl101]

Frozen In Time – Tyler Owens

Tyler's POV

"Tell me again why we need six cans of dip?" I whined as I followed my best friend through the grocery store aisles.

"Because," she giggled, "your friends inhale anything I put on the refreshment table."

"We don't have to invite them," I shrugged. She stopped the cart and turned toward me.

"You don't want to invite your friends to your party?"

"To be honest, I don't even know why we're having a party, Y/N," I shrugged as I walked past her and started pushing the cart.

"Because you finishing your degree is a big thing," Y/N said as she caught up to me. I bit back my smile when she looped her arms around one of mine. "I'm proud of you, Owens. It's something we should celebrate."

I stopped and turned toward her. "I don't need a party," I said. "I don't need to drink and celebrate with my friends. It would be just as meaningful if it was just you and me with one of our all-night movie nights."

"But you deserve. . ."

"I deserve you, my best friend, celebrating with me."

"Tyler. . ."

Y/N gasped and practically jumped into my arms when alarms rang throughout the store.

"Attention shoppers," the automatic voice rang through the speakers. "There is a tornado nearby. Please follow the nearest employee to the underground storm cellar."

Y/N looked at me with nothing but fear in her eyes. I instantly grabbed her hand and pulled her to the storm cellar. The second we were inside, I moved her as far away from the door as I could and pulled her so we were sitting down.

I looked at her when I felt her shaking next to me. Without a word, I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her into my side. I forced myself to calm down as I heard Y/N take a shaky breath.

"It's okay," I leaned down and whispered in her ear. My heart jumped into my throat when she cuddled more into me. "It's going to be okay, Y/N. We're going to be okay."

"Tyler," she stuttered. "I'm scared."

"I know," I said as I tightened my arms around her. "But we're safe. Okay? We are going to be okay, Y/N. I promise."

Y/N let out a small shriek when the building shook. I instinctively pulled her closer to my chest. I lost track of time as I turned my focus on comforting Y/N.

What felt like ages later, some rescue personnel opened the cellar doors. We numbly filed out, my hand holding Y/N's the entire time. But the second we got outside, Y/N pulled her hand out of mine and walked away.

I wanted nothing more than to run to her, wrap her in my arms, and reassure her that I would never leave her side. But for some stupid reason, I didn't. Instead, I let her walk away.

~ Three Months Later ~

The last couple of months have not been easy. After the storm, I've tried reaching out to Y/N but she hasn't answered. She doesn't text me back or answer my calls, and every voicemail goes unanswered. When I couldn't take her silence anymore, I went to visit her at the bookstore where she works.

"Tyler?" Y/N stuttered when she turned around and noticed me.

"Hey, Y/N," I smiled as I couldn't help but look her up and down.

"What are you doing here?" She asked as she turned and went back to restacking the books.

"It's been a while," I said, lightly. "I wanted to see what you were up to. . . and if you were okay."

"Why wouldn't I be okay?"

I stared at her and could see how tired she was. I sighed as I took a step towards her. "Y/N. . ."

"Y/N," her boss interrupted me, "I need you to go downstairs and grab a box of books."

"Downstairs?" Y/N stuttered. "In the. . ."

"The basement," her boss nodded as she walked away. I watched as Y/N stood frozen.

"Y/N," I said her name gently. "Are you okay? Do you want me to. . ."

"I'm fine," she cut me off. My heart sank as she turned and started heading toward the basement. I watched as she hesitated at the basement door. The second she opened the door, I quickly followed her.

When I started walking down the basement stairs, Y/N was frozen at the bottom. I jogged down the stairs and Y/N was still on the last step.

"Y/N?" I whispered her name. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she stuttered. I went to grab her shoulders but she stepped away. I followed close behind her as she looked for the box her boss wanted. Suddenly, someone walked into the store. Them closing the door made the basement window shake. When it shook, Y/N gasped. I ran to her and instantly grabbed her shoulders.

"It's okay," I whispered as I rubbed her arms. "It was just a customer. It's okay."

We stayed like that for a few minutes, until Y/N calmed down. When she did, she looked over her shoulder and I could see the embarrassment settling in her eyes.

"Y/N," I tried to start again.

"I need to find that box," she said as she gently brushed past me.

As I watched her search for the books, memories of three months ago flooded my brain. I remembered how scared she was. I remembered how tightly she hung on to me. I remembered the relief I felt when the storm passed and I knew that Y/N and I were safe. I remembered the haze in her eyes as we left the basement and got somewhere safe. I remembered the quiver in her voice when she lied and said she was fine. I remembered the feeling in my gut that she wasn't okay when she walked away from me. I remembered the worried feeling getting worse the longer she ignored my calls.

"Y/N, we need to talk about this."

"Talk about what?" She shrugged as she found the box and picked it up.

"The storm."

Those two simple words made Y/N freeze.

"Why. . . Why would. . . Why would we need to talk about that?"

I walked over and took the box out of Y/N's hands. I put it on top of a stack of boxes and turned back toward her. I grabbed her hands and instantly felt how badly they were shaking.

"Y/N, that storm was not a little one," I started to say the thing I've rehearsed too many times. "It was one of the worst storms our town has seen in years. I mean, we were stuck in that basement for almost five hours and. . ."

"I know!" Y/N yelled, cutting me off as she ripped her hands out of mine. She turned away from me and tightened her arms around herself. "You don't need to remind me, Tyler," she continued, her voice breaking. "I haven't stopped thinking about it. How could I? It was the longest four hours and 53 minutes of my life. I have never been more scared, more unsure that I would make it out of there. I have nightmares about it every night.”

"I thought I. . . Didn't I help you?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Of course you did," Y/N said as she quickly turned toward me. "You helped me more than you know, Ty. If you weren't in that basement with me. . . I wouldn't have survived. You always help me."

"Good," I whispered, just now noticing how close we had gotten. My eyes glanced down at her lips, only thinking about what it would feel like to press mine to hers. Y/N sighed as she looked at the box.

"Y/N," I stopped her before she could step away from me. "Promise me that the next time you have a nightmare, you call me."

"I'm not going to call you, Tyler," I sighed. "My nightmares usually wake me up at, like, 3 am."

"I don't care, Y/N," I shook my head. "I want you to call me. No matter what time or how many times, I want you to call me so I can talk you down or come help you."

Y/N studied me as she asked, "You'd really do that? You'd really drive all the way to my apartment at 3 in the morning because of a silly nightmare?"

"It's not a silly nightmare," I said gently. "It's haunting you. And all I want is to help you."

"Tyler. . ." She stuttered.

"Promise me," I pushed. "Please?"

She bit her bottom lip and nodded. The longer I stared at her, the harder it was to hold my confession for another minute.

"Y/N. . ."

"Y/N! Did you find the box?" Her boss yelled.

"Yeah!" Y/N yelled back but her voice slightly cracked. "I found it. Bringing it up now."

"Wait," I said, grabbing her wrist before she could go back upstairs. "There's something I need to do. Something that I have been kicking myself in the ass for not doing sooner."

I heard Y/N gasp as I pulled her into my chest and kissed her. I felt everything slow down and my whole body relaxed as she kissed me back. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her even closer. She moaned as I gently bit her bottom lip. We broke apart, with matching cheeky smiles on our faces.

"Have you really been kicking yourself in the ass for not kissing me sooner?" Y/N asked, a small smirk forming on her face.

"Absolutely," I whispered. "You're my best friend, Y/N, but you mean more to me than you know. And I promise, whatever we face, whether it be a small rainstorm or horrible tornado, I will always keep you safe."

[aziraphales-library]

Hi! I've noticed that almost every post-s2 fic has some form of Crowley being heartbroken (drunk and/or sleeping usually). (Usually these fics also include Aziraphale having been wrong during the Final Fifteen and needing Crowley's help.)

Are there any post-s2 fics out there where Crowley *isn't* heartbroken? I'm hoping for ones where there's a secret plan and Crowley was headed on a covert mission at the end of s2, but anything where he isn't just falling apart would be great.

I do get a bit tired of seeing so many sad, drunk, heartbroken Crowley fics. Here are some where he is Not Like That...

Betrayal Stings Like a Serpent’s Bite by Inherently_human (G)

When the Supreme Archangel walks into the bookshop, he is shocked to still find his demon there. And he's singing and tidying, of all things. Guilt tears at Aziraphale, but Crowley reassures him of the only truth that matters: he trusts him.

Aziraphale vs. The System by gatoradeeh7x3 (T)

Crowley decides to take Nina and Maggie's advice and speak with Aziraphale following The Kiss. He proposes a one-month trial period as Aziraphale's second-in-command. Follow along as Aziraphale tackles the challenges of institutional reform while Crowley waits patiently for his angel to see reason.

Two sides of the same coin by Sylvestris123 (T)

After Aziraphale is recalled back to Heaven to become Supreme Archangel, Crowley tries to pick up his life. Before long they find themselves in the next battle to save the Earth - this time from the Second Coming and the Final War.

Deep Blue Sea (or: Crowley's Thoughts About Coastal Erosion) by Imagined (T)

Aziraphale looks at Crowley. Several complicated emotions cross over his face—his familiar, well-known face, and Crowley can precisely pinpoint everything that is going on with his brows and his lips and the pinching of his eyes, can read in the lines of Aziraphale’s expression the way he is working up to something— “Who are you again?” Aziraphale asks, and Crowley crashes like the wave against the rocks.

Five years after he left for Heaven, an angel plummets out of the sky, with no recollection of much of anything, really. While navigating his own complicated feelings, Crowley is left to wonder what happened to Aziraphale, and most notably… to figure out why their wings are turning grey.

A Light in the Dark by cyankelpie (T)

After leaving Crowley to return to Heaven, Aziraphale Falls, certain that no one will help him pick himself back up. Crowley proves him wrong.

On the Side of the World by profdanglais (M)

The demon Crowley has gone rogue. Precisely what “rogue” looks like on a demon who was never anyone’s idea of “manageable” is something neither Heaven nor Hell is currently equipped to deal with. Hell is rebuilding and Heaven, under the auspices of the Supreme Archangel Aziraphale, is focused on spreading the Word of their prophet, known as the Second Coming--of what, exactly, remains unspecified. Neither side seems to remember who Crowley used to be, nor have they bothered to change the passwords. The Metatron has no interest in demons, rogue or otherwise. His Plan is going swimmingly and he couldn't be more pleased. Now if only he could figure out who’s responsible for all these unauthorised miracles that just keep happening, far and wide, on planet Earth.

- Mod D

[jinwoosbabyboo]

The First Meet - Self-Aware!Zayne

You fell asleep to the sound of Zaynes rapid typing as usual. Don’t worry though he’ll see you in the morning

Self-Aware!Zayne who is so in love with you that he can tell you’re getting sleepy just by the way you’re breathing changes. “If you’re tired you can rest I'll be here” “I’m not asleep” “You will be soon I'll see you in the morning just get some rest” You smiled at the thought of actually waking up next to him “Can you imagine” a deep yawn escaped you “actually waking up next to me?” Self-Aware!Zayne who knew you’d already drifted off to sleep when he said “I won’t have to imagine soon” he finished out his paper work while listening to your soft snores which were like music to his ears

That night you dreamt of snow covered fields stretching far into the distance. You looked down to see yourself in just the t-shirt you went to bed in “Am I lucid dreaming?” suddenly the wind picked up and snow began to whip past your face burning your cheeks and bare legs with the stinging cold as it went by. “It's …. so … cold” you thought to yourself as you looked around trying to see anything in the distance. If you’re dreaming why did this feel so real?

Just then you saw it, a small house off in the distance. You had no choice you were going to freeze to death if you stayed out here any longer. You started running towards the house, but no matter how many steps you took it was as if you weren’t moving from the spot you were standing in.

Your feet were swept from underneath you as you fell face first into the icy snow. You tried to stand, but the snow seemed to hold onto you. You yanked at the phantom hands holding you down. Panic soon set in as your fighting attempts were seemingly in vain “HELP! PLEASE! ANYONE!” the snow muffled your final scream as your entire body was covered in heaps of snow.

You awoke with a sharp gasp and your heart trying to beat its way out of your chest. Once your heart rate finally went back to normal you looked around and noticed this …… wasn’t your room. You’re so disoriented after that dream that you really hope this isn’t one of those dreams where you woke up in another dream. “Fuck where’s my phone?”

“It’s back in your world” You froze mid search as fear set-in at the mere fact you weren’t alone. You slowly turned your head in the direction of the very familiar voice. It was him. Zayne stood in the doorway holding a mug in his hand. You stared at him wide eyed and confused “Im dreaming I have to be dreaming” You slapped the absolute shit out of yourself and fell back on the bed screaming in pain and you realized you were in fact awake.

“Are you okay?” Zayne rushed to you grabbing your face to inspect your self-inflicted wound “Why on earth would you do that?”

“HOW ARE YOU HERE!?” You screamed in his face. Oh hell you’re starting to hyperventilate “This isn’t real this isn't real I was….in my room how could I…..” Your voice trailed off as you passed out in Zayne’s arms. He stared down at you with a smile on his face. “I told you I would see you in the morning” He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead and held you until you woke up.

Hours later….

Once Zayne got you to calm down enough to sit and have a conversation he explained how you are indeed in his world now.

Y/N: So you mean to tell me by you speaking to me we made all of this real?!

You waved your hand around to emphasize the fact that you are currently sitting in the living room of a fucking game. Everything looks so real it almost felt like you really were in another world and not just a developed game.

Zayne: I'm not sure exactly how it works but yes together we both made my world as real as yours Y/N: I can’t stay here forever Zayne I have a life back in my world my friends and family will be worried sick Zayne: You can come and go here whenever you please Y/N: How exactly am I supposed to do that? Zayne: With my evol … I can transport you to and from your world that’s how I got you here Y/N: In that frozen deserted waste-land!? I thought I died! Zayne: Im sorry my love but that’s the only way it works until we can figure out something else

You froze at hearing him call you his love. Your heart was racing just from those two simple words. You tried to speak, but no words were coming out. Zayne seemed to notice that he had you speechless and he took this moment to pull you closer and hook a finger under your chin. “Don’t hate me I’ve been waiting so long to do this” He pressed the softest lingering kiss on your lips and you couldn’t help the way you melted into him. “You feel so real” You whispered against his lips.

“I am real” You stared deep into those endless green eyes. You dreamed of looking into these eyes and here you were. You caressed his cheek then gently pushed him back by his chest. You needed some kind of distance so you could process what was going on. "We're not done talking"

"I figured you would have more questions" He said as he draped an arm over the couch behind you. "Ask me anything"

[skzthelomlhehe]

Okie sooo I'm like in the middle of tests and work and the progress to my upcoming oneshots have been slow so I thought, "why not make some headcanons?" (Frankly cuz I'm fucking bored of studying and working all the damned time)

Okie so for these little imagines, I was thinking

How your boyfriend!skz would react to you waiting for them in a sexy lingerie after they had a long day at work! [Ot8] {Pt. 1: Hyung Line}

MDNI // includes smut (think y'all can know by the title itself lmao), I'm not exactly sure what warnings to include, just know it's smutty (I'm very sorry I'm highly sleep deprived and running on my 7th coffee today my brain cannot function) // established relationships

Bang Chan

Ok so like- I just KNOW the man wouldn't even notice. He'd walk in to your shared apartment (idfk), his head hanging with like heavy sighs and he wouldn't even notice what you were wearing when he walks in. I feel like it wouldn't be AFTER he had his shoes off and walking slow, tired steps towards you and then he looks up and drops his jaw like the bag he had in his hand. He'd prolly stutter sumn like, "Y-Y/N...? What are you...?" And not even have the means to say anything else. He would just be standing there worshipping you, basking in your beauty and walk up to you, wrapping his arms around your bare waist nice and gentle and place soft wet kisses everywhere, once again, worshipping you. Feel like even if he's tired, he would savour you in the gentlest way possible and if he had a really bad day, maybe even cry in your arms a little and vent during aftercare (cuz we all know what a damned softie he is and we love him for that)

Lee Know

For him, I'd say he would just walk in STOMPING cuz he's PISSED (possibly at himself cuz he thinks he doesn't work hard enough or at something or the other that disrupted his usual flow) and he'd just flop on the couch calling out to you probably to cuddle. Maybe even get things heated iykyk and in this case, he'd definitely do the latter. When you walk in wearing that sexy lingerie, his eyes would be wide fixated on you. And seeing him down on the couch in his usual manspread would just get you DRIPPIN'. He would probably scoff at the sight in front of him and flick his fingers motioning you to come and pat on his thighs to get you to sit down and like his little kitten you are, you would obey without a word. He'd probably run his hands all through your body, placing wet kisses, maybe even leaving marks. I'd imagine him saying something like, "what a good kitty. How'd you know I would need just this, hm?" In this husky seductive tone (once again iykyk) and despite how tired he is, I'd think he would take his time eating you up cuz youre his favourite meal~

Changbin

Would he possibly be walking in looking like he could murder someone? Yes. Will he come home to find you like that and go fucking feral? Absolutely. Will he just absolutely wreck your brains out? DEFINITELY. Do I even have to say anything?? The man is a gentle beast. He's gonna care for you, he's gonna love you, prepare you with foreplay and the moment he gets permission and knows you're ready to take him, he'd go BEAST. And then once you're done, and you'd just be laying there huffing in his arms, he would loudly yap about his day and by the end of it, let you know how much he loves you and appreciates your efforts cuz you unintentionally just made him the happiest man alive.

Hyunjin

Another guy who would worship you, really. When he gets home tired and groggy to see you sitting like a beautiful sculpture who was sculpted with extra care, extra love and extra details, he would fold. Probably melt in your arms telling you how crazy gorgeous you looked and how he would take his time painting you with his cum and then later after making a mess out of you, he'd take his time engraving your image both on his canvas and in his mind. No matter how tired he was from the day full of work, once you guys were done with all that, he would sit down on his painting stool with his large canvas in front of him while you laid there mindlessly filled and covered with his fluids. He'd look at you like a work of art, a once in a lifetime masterpiece created JUST for him while he keeps repeating sweet nothings as he paints you.

[strayflowersstarsandlove]

of monsters and milk (dad!hanjisung)

can ya'll tell i have the biggest fucking soft spot for dad!han 🙈

"Weeeeeee-gaaahh".

"AH. CRYING BABY"

Han jolts into a sitting position, all senses on high alert, eyes wide and his messy head of hair all fluffed out and tousled from the abrupt start.

He quickly slips out of the rumpled sheets and crawls over to the bassinet at the feet of the bed just as you start to stir awake, ever so slowly.

"Mmh...Nari?".

Han swiftly picks up his crying baby, he retrieves her discarded pacifier and gently sticks it in her mouth as too soothe her quickly, all the while rocking her in his arms gently, "I got this, shh, go back to sleep", he instructs softly, leaning in to kiss your forehead.

In your hazy, still dreamy state you catch but a jumbled murmur of his words and whiff on Nari's baby powder and milk scent before you drift off to sleep incredibly quickly. After all being a parent for the second time with a toddler and a 2 months old baby gets the best of you. Reason why you and Han take turns for night feeds and cuddles and just overall baby duties.

Perhaps the both of you combined might eventually get 8 full hours of sleep in a week. Not 8 consecutive hours of rest but ... Still.

Nari is not quite calm yet but the pacifier holds off her hungry crying at least until he has successfully padded his way out of your shared bedroom and into the hall, ""ts alright Nari-ah, milk is coming, milk is coming", he mumbles, pressing soft kisses to her downy little head as he makes his way down the hall  and is almost about to unlock the kids safe gate perched on top of the stairs when he hears a wail like scream followed by loud whimpers.

"MONSTAH MONSTAH WEEEE".

"Oh ... Another crying baby". 

Han barely has any time to kneel down on the floor, carefully balancing Nari on his hip while still holding onto her head and neck so it's pressed into his chest when Daisy comes screaming down the hall, running straight into her father's unoccupied arm, spread out for her: "what happened? baby what happened are you okay?", he tries to calm her down by hugging her to the best of his abilities.

It partially works. Nothing like daddy's magic hugs to calm down a crying baby. Daisy burrows her little face into her father's chest and sniffles quietly, "i had a mare mare...wit monstah". A small but painful crack in his heart, Han pulls his older daughter tighter to him, "aw you had a nightmare and a monster was there,sweetheart? I'm so sorry, it must have been scary yeah?", he says calmly, recognizing her fear and distress.

The little girl nods vehemently and sticks her tiny hands in her dad's pjama pants pocket, timdily asking for comfort and shelter, "very scawy, he took Quokki", she confesses, her big brown eyes still glossy with unshed tears, "oh no, not Quokki. I'm so sorry Daisy girl, we should make this bad monster go away shouldn't we? I bet Quokki is scared too", Han says softly, gathering up his two lovely bundles of daughters as he slowly stands up again.

Daisy clings to his legs and looks up at him expectantly, very much wrapped around his finger for Oppa is always so good at helping her through nightmares. "Alright, let's go chase out this bad guy so you and Quokki can go back to sleep", he explains patiently, walking towards her room.

Nari fusess about in slight impatience, her suckling on her pacifier growing sloppy with anticipation for the milk she's been promised, that much Han knows very well. But he's determined not to wake you up again, despite the dark circles around his tired eyes and the overall sleepiness and exhaustion from the numerous sleepless nights, he still takes the time to tackle one problem at a time, help one daughter at a time.

As soon as Daisy walks back into her bedroom she lunges for her HanQuokka plushie, which she has funnily renamed Quokki, and holds him tight to her chest, a sight so heartbreakingly devastating Han crumples on the inside out of pure endearment.

"Good girl, Deiji girl, cuddle him close, he needs you right now", he instructs before bending down on his knees again so he's more eye level with his daughter, "okay, first we have to chase Mr. Monster away from Daisy's little mind and Quokki's too right?", he says and waits for Daisy to nod her approval, "you know how we do that? with a kiss!! Monsters are very afraid of kisses, because kisses are magic!".

Ah the fervent imagination he nurtured with years and years of songwriting and bed time story impromptu making. Han Jisung the artist and the loving father where one and the same: wizards. Little genius brain faces of the same man.

Daisy's adoring eyes go wide with utter bewilderment, her mouth even opening in awe, "what were going to do is daddy gives you a kiss, here on your forehead so Monster flies straight out, and then you give Quokki a kiss on his little forehead so he's protected too!", Han enthuses, admiring how his daughter lights up at the suggestion,"YES!!", the 2 year old exclaims excitedly, now jumping up and down, almost rousing her little sister whose sleepy but inquisitive big eyes are looking around, taking in her sourroundings.

Emphasizing the smack of his lips on her forehead, Han kisses his first baby and taps her head gently, "take that Mr. Monster!", Daisy squeals in happiness and places a resounding kiss onto her plushie, which catches Nari's attention, the infant squirming and whining softly, "ah I think your baby sister might want a magic kiss too!", Han states, immediately abiding to his instincts. Which Daisy promptly replicates by puckering up and standing on her tippy toes to reach her sister.

A tender spike to his heart, Han bends down and watches that blissful moment as Daisy kisses her sister's forehead, looking immensely proud. He still is just astounded at how sensitive and smart and perceptive his first flower is. Actual tears threaten to spill right out of his eyes.

"Gooood girl, good big sissy. Now we're going to open the window so Monster can finally get out", he affirms then, walking over to the moon illuminated window, opening it wide for a brief second, "Mr. Monster we need you to go and leave Daisy alone now, bye bye", he mocks waves his hand bye, his older daughter imitating him, "buh -bye monstah", she exclaims resolutely in her tiny voice.

Once the window is closed Han spins around and holsters up Nari who's now growing restless for her milk, "okay, monster's gone now. Do you want to have some warm milk like sissy before going back to bed?", he offers, "yes, daddah", Daisy beams upnat him and he holds oir his hand for her, "downstairs we go,then. Hand please", he instructs again so they can walk out and then downstairs safely.

He's done this a million times, really. Ever since she started walking and then running and then figuring out how ro climb the stairs, Han knows she's a big girl now, she's careful and capable of moving around on her own quite well. Yet to hold safely that tiny hand while walking downstairs feels like the most precious thing still.

If he could hold her hand forever, through whatever hurdles might come here way, if he could shield and help his daughters bu Just holding their hands forever he would, in a heartbeat.

The clever little older girl climbs on her chair by herself, she patiently waits for her dad to slide said chair closer to the table so she's safe up there and quietly plays with her Quokki while Han warms up some milk. Nari drools all over herself, squirming around in her father's hold when she sees her milk bottle approach, "one second baby girl, it's hot, it's very hot", he says through a yawn, ultimately, finally! sitting down at the table, ready to feed his girls.

He hands Daisy her sippy cup and she takes it with both hands, as if accepting a gift, just like her dad taught her, "there you go, darling", "thank youuu appa". Smiling warmly at her, Han brushes her hair gently, so proud of her manners, the way she's still so young but so talkative and bright. The way she started picking up Korean so well and she spontaneously switches in between languages. He loves their little conversations.

"Kkkksss ahh milky's finally here yeah? Hi sweetheart, hi", he coos softly, feeding Nari who slurps up her milk ravenously while he gently settles her head in the crook of his elbow, right against his chest so her neck is supported and tilted right.

Oh that lovely baby smell intensifying, her tiny sounds and hiccups, Han gazes lovingly into his other daughter's eyes, holding her bottle for her.

He's split between the two loves of his entire life, not sure how to contain all the love stored within him. It's the quiet moments like these that make his heart flutter, just him and these two small humans he helped bring to life. 

"All done dadda", Daisy exclaims, showing her empty cup, a little sleepiness in her eyes, "you're all done baby? was it yummy? do you want some more?", Han asks, smiling encouragingly, "no thank you, 'm good", she replies through a small yawn, shaking her head,"okay, can you wait two more minutes until sissy's done with her milk or would you like to go to sleep right now?", he inquires, gently tilting the bottle so Nari can easily suck up the last few drops of milk, "Daiji waits", murmurs the little girl, rocking her legs back and forth as she waits patiently at the table.

As soon as Han's done feeding Nari, he grabs a towel and drapes it over his shoulder expertly, he promptly lifts his baby up to his shoulders so he can pat her back and help her digest, silently praying she doesn't spit up her milk while he walks around slowly.

"Can I hol' shissy?". Han stops in his tracks and grins widely at Daisy, who's looking expectantly at her father, he walks over to her at the table and bends down on his knees, "of course you can hold sissy, little daisy flower. You want to be very gentle okay? Dadda helps you".

With a bit of careful maneuvering, and with the strong support of his arms, Han places a now very sleepy very calm baby Nari into her older sister's lap, the little girl cradling the baby so sweetly and hesitantly Han feels his heart swelling and swelling.

"Nari is preeetty", she mumbles under her breath, "yeah she's is very pretty, and you are very pretty. And mum's very pretty too, and you both look just like her", Han replies sincerely, unable to contain the joy manifesting on his face, he kissess both of his daughters' cheeks, so endeared he might cry.

A few goodnight kissess and nuzzles and diaper checks later, once he has made sure Nari's fast asleep in her bassinet and you are still soundly asleep, Han makes his way back to Daisy's room, tired and sleepy beyond comprehension but still willing to tuck his daughter to bed like he promised he would.

Daisy's already all snuggled up to her plushie, a few messy wisps of hair peeking out from underneath the bundle of sheets and blankets she has buried herself in. Han chuckles at the sight and pats her head tenderly, "Deiji baby...", he whispers, loud enough for her to hear while not disrupting her sleepy state too much.

Squinty sleepy eyes finally look back at him, a mischievous little grin spreading on her lips as she giggles and lifts her blanket up to her face again, hiding underneath, "ah! are we suddenly playing hide and seek now?", Han plays along, tickling her first and then squatting down on the floor so when Daisy removed the blanket she only sees the top of his head.

They play like that back and forth for a few minutes, at least until the little girl starts yawning more frequently and Han recognizes the heavy eyelids falling upon her eyes, "time to go back to sleep", he says sweetly, already adjusting the blankets and tucking her in, "appa is really really proud of you, you are such a good little helper and an amazing older sister to Nari, I love you so much".

Daisy smiles sleepily and cuddles Quokki to her chest, bleary eyes hardly open right now, "I love you dadda", she says in her tiny quiet voice, her father melting entirely. He kissess the top of her head and pats Quokki once, his knees straining with effort when he finally stands up straight again, "I love you more. Sweet dreams baby, sweet dreams Quokki".

[plsuredrnk05]

i’m home on thanksgiving break right now and oh my god i have spent 90% of the day high out of my mind, scrolling through your blog with a hand on my pussy. i have been gorging myself since i got back and have barely left my bed. i love feeling so lazy and tired and sedentary. no responsibilities except keeping my vape charged and making sure i keep my burps quiet enough so no one hears me making a pig out of myself. i was saving my case of beer to bring to a party with friends later this week but fuck i’ll have to buy a new one and just open this one right now. i’ll chug can after can in between going outside to smoke a joint. which is great because i have to walk through the kitchen to get back to my room. i wanna be drunk, bloated, horny and couch locked for the rest of the week until i emerge from my room on thanksgiving with red and droopy eyes. my belly hanging out of my too tight college t-shirt while i pull my painted on sleep shorts from in between my ass. and i waddle downstairs to stuff my face until i actually pass out in a food coma.

fuck this got away from me but i’m high and gooning and overfed so my mind is reeling

this, every one take inspiration

I'm so proud of you, indulging in every craving, every addition. I can't even describe how horny it's making me that people are getting so worse and that I have small part in it.

I can just say, eat more, smoke more, goon more and DM me cutie ^^

(p. s. I really enjoy these asks, if you send me longer ones, describe yourself or your situation I have something to work with and can tease you better ~)

[youareatragedy]

I'm forever angry that Nesta is treated poorly by the Inner Circle and I don’t want to hear excuses like “NeStA wAs s0 sELf DeSTruCtIVe aNd THey WeRe hELpINg hEr.”

Her sister locked her up "for Nesta's own good," even though that same sister knows full well—after spending so much time complaining herself—what it's like to be in the same situation.

Amren, who claimed to be Nesta's friend, preaches to everyone about "keep reaching out your hand," yet abandoned Nesta the moment Nesta acted as rude as Amren always does to everyone else.

Cassian acted like a predator, badgering her until she was too tired to maintain her boundaries.

Mor thought it was a good idea for Nesta to go to CoN and live there, putting her in the same environment Mor herself knows is cruel and dangerous to women.

Rhysand was consistently cruel to Nesta, so threatened by her that he repeatedly endangered her safety, threatened her life, and insisted she work under his supervision.

Azriel was complicit in many of these scenarios.

The only reason Nesta actually got better was because of her friendship with Gwyn and Emerie. It was them. And I don’t want to hear, “WitHOuT rHYs, NeStA wOUldN’t hAvE mEt GwYn AnD eMErIe” because without Rhysand and Feyre’s stupidity and narcissism (they think they’re the only ones who can prevent the war somehow *gag*), Nesta wouldn’t be traumatized by that damn cauldron in the first place and wouldn’t have been in that war. As if she didn’t already have enough unresolved trauma from her childhood.

SJM is just ignorant and hypocritical, too blind to see how toxic the IC is. If by the end of this, Nesta killed Rhys and wiped the IC off the planet, people would hate Nesta so much—but I would applaud Nesta and SJM, because for once, SJM would have done something right for acotar.

[pedrosgrogu]

Born Too Late - Chapter 5

pairing/au: neighbor!joel x reader // no outbreak

Warnings: MDNI!!! SMUT (2 chapters in a row :0.. So much for slow burn), age gap, no use of y/n, i think thats it fr, dirty talk, unprotected p in v (be smart yall, wrap it up) lemme know if i missed something :) 

Summary: Sarah's conference is this week and seeing Joel is not on your list of things you want to do. Then he invites you over to talk. You need to set the boundary now, what could go wrong? (1.6k+)

a/n: i tried to write a lil more than usual bc i feel bad about inconsistent posting. (shoutout no personal life bc work/school) hopefully with winter break i can post a couple times a week. also trying to figure out how to make a taglist so if you want to be notified of new chapters, lmk!! If you have any suggestions, give em to a girl. i love to see/hear feedback :) <3

Yet again, you’re avoiding Joel like the plague. You have an unknown amount of missed calls from him. You also have conferences today. This means you have to see him, and you feel like you could throw up. He’s your last one at 5:30 p.m. The day goes by slowly, and you have lunch duty so you don’t have time to finish planning your conference notes. After lunch is the worst part of the day. Kids are tired and barely give a shit, but you have a couple good ones that you try to focus on. Sarah being one of them. The 2:30 bell rings and by 2:40 your class is empty. Conferences start at 3:30 so you finish your notes and try to eat your lunch but that sinking feeling is still there. 

By 5:15, you’ve talked to so many parents that they’re all starting to blur. You’re exhausted and would rather be quite literally anywhere else by now. You gather Sarah's notes and sit them on the table, one stack in front of you and a copy of your stack in front of where Joel will sit. Sarah really enjoys a select few books from your classroom library so you sit them on her desk for her in case she's with Joel. 

Before you see him, you smell him. The air in your classroom fills with hints of cedarwood and lavender. You look up and Sarah is already at her desk looking at the books. You stand to greet Joel. “Good Evening Mr. Miller” you reach to shake his hand but he doesn't move, he is staring right through you. “Sweet girl, you don't have to call me that.” He says, still staring. You smile and invite him to sit. “So” you start “Sarah is doing phenomenal, she loves to read and write, and is always very engaged. I pulled a few samples of her writings from the last couple weeks so you could read them. They’re the first sheets inside your fold-” “Babygirl” he says gruffly “I know my daughter, and she has excelled and exceeded every year. I'm here for you. Why have you been avoiding me?” You look at him, wide eyed. Half wanting to laugh and half wanting to cry. Your door is open and anyone could walk by and hear him, Sarah could hear him. “Joel I promise I'm not trying to avoid you” you say quietly, lying straight through your teeth. And he knows it. You stand up and walk to close the door and can feel his eyes burning through you. “I just dont think-” “I've called you more times than I can count, and you aint returned a single one. Shit baby, your bra is still on my bedroom floor. Taunting me every night.” You can feel the warmth begin to rise on your face, and between your legs. “Mr.Miller, now is not the time or the place for this conversation. If we could please get back to Sarah.” He looks at you, deadpan. “Alright, come to my house tomorrow night at 8. Sarah will be with her mom for the weekend.” Internally, you groan. Externally, “Yes sir”. You watch him stir in his chair at your words, repositioning himself. 

The rest of the conference goes well, Sarah reads some of her writings to her dad, and shows him her favorite books. He asks her so many questions about her work and she is extremely detailed in every answer. He seems like a great dad, and it puts him in a different light for you. Now he isn't only hot, and great at sex, and great at aftercare, but he's a good dad. You are so fucked. 

Friday comes and goes, yet again you're exhausted. You take a steaming shower when you get home. Shaving your legs, just because. NOT for Joel. Once out of the shower, you change into a pair of blue biker shorts and an oversized Texans crewneck. You throw your hair up in a bun and make yourself some coffee. Hoping the coffee will help combat the sleepiness, you throw yourself onto the couch and turn on some Grey's Anatomy reruns, and begin to drift into a nap. You try to fight it, but it's inevitable. 

You wake up to your phone ringing. You check the time. 8:17. “Shit” you grumble. You flip your phone open without even checking the caller ID. “Hello?” you say, groggily. “There's my sweet girl.” He says, pausing briefly. “You’re late. Better get here fast, dinners gonna be cold.” And before you can get a word out, Joel hangs up. “Fuck fuck FUCK.” You say, frustratedly. This has gone too far, and god forbid your work gets wind of this disaster. You’d be screwed. You throw your shoes on and walk next door. 

Joel opens the door right as you walk up the steps. The smells instantly take you back to that morning. You still remember how he felt inside you, how his lips felt on yours, how his hand fit around your neck so perfectly how- “You gonna come in or you just gon’ stand there?” Joel snaps you out of your trance. You follow him the rest of the way in, kicking your shoes off at the door this time. “I made spaghetti with garlic bread. Stuck it in the oven to stay warm since you tried to stand me up.” He says, grinning. “Joel look” you start, “I really appreciate this, and I really had a” “Sit down and eat. We can talk after.” He says, pulling a chair out. He walks around to the fridge, opening the door. You can't stop staring at him. His shoulders so broad, and biceps borderline busting out of his shirt. You’re in a trance. “Red or white?” he says, but you don't hear him. You’re too busy eye fucking him, completely forgetting that the only reason you’re here is to end this before it starts. He turns around and sees you still looking straight through him, undressing him with your eyes. He grins a devilish grin and you snap back to reality. “Huh? Sorry I was-” “No need to explain, I asked if you wanted red or white wine?” he says, grinning “Oh.. ummm.. White please!” He sits the glass next to you, along with your plate of food. 

Dinner goes well, you talk about Sarah and how great of a student she is. You realize Joel could go on and on about her, because he does. Before you know it, its 10:00 and you're fighting sleep again. But this conversation needs to happen. You gather the plates and wine glasses and begin doing the dishes. “Darlin’ don't worry about those. I can do them in the morning.” “Joel, we need to talk.” You say, hoping it doesn't come off too harsh. You turn the sink off and dry your hands. “Joel, I had a lot of fun a few weeks ago. But I don’t think-” he cuts you off. “Why’re you thinkin’ baby? Thinkin’ don’t never lead to nothin’ good.” He says, wrapping his hands around your waist. As much as you don’t want to, you lean into his grip. “Joel, please.” you almost moan. “I don’t want to get in trouble at work, it's a huge ethical misconduct if the school were to ever find out, especially since Sarah is in my class.” He’s kissing up your neck, and you aren't doing anything to stop him. “I just want to taste you, just one more time.” He groans into your ear, nibbling on the tip. “This has to be the last time.” you think to yourself.

You don't fight it, you give in. And you enjoy every second of it. Joel picks you up and lays you on the table. The same table you just had dinner on. Your shorts are thrown across the room and your sweatshirt is being used as back support. He’s devouring every inch of your body. Leaving bite marks in unseen places. You hear his belt hit the floor and watch his shirt peel off of his body. You moan at the sight. He lines himself up with your aching cunt. “What was all that earlier about you gettin’ in trouble at work?” he says, comically. “Joel, please not-” and before you can squeak the rest of your sentence out, he's ramming his cock inside you. Over and over. “What's wrong baby? Can’t speak?” he says, laughing. Hes fucking you so hard that the goddamn table is moving. “I need something more stable.” He grunts, picking you up and throwing you on the island, his cock never leaving inside of you. He rubs vigorous circles around your clit, watching your eyes roll into the back of your head. “Dont. Stop. Joel.” You manage to say in between breaths. “I don’t ever plan to babygirl.” He says, rubbing faster. Your release is on the horizon. Everythings gone white and all you can focus on is the sound of skin slapping skin. Your back arches and you scream with pleasure. “Let it out babygirl, cum for me.” Just as you begin to come down, you feel Joel's cock tense up inside you, and he falls to your ear, moaning. He pulls out and you moan gutteraly. You feel the warmth of his seed dripping  Yet again, he disappears and reappears with a warm washcloth. Cleaning and kissing every inch of your body. 

You get cleaned up and dressed. Joel puts on a pair of sweatpants, no shirt. You could go for round 2 but 2 times is 2 too many. You begin to put your shoes on. “Darlin’, why don't you stay the night?” You instantly get nauseous, and feel tears? Maybe? You barely know this guy, what the fuck? “Joel, I told you. This cannot happen. Not again.” You say, trembling. “We can-” You cut him off. “No more Joel.” and you open the door and walk out. Leaving him just as quickly as you found him.

Masterlist - Chapter 4

[velvetvexations]

Im tired of seeing takes with "trans men wont be serched for t ever cops dont care about men haha"

motherfuckera gotta be downright out out they DAMN mind jf they think I as a black men do not get unprompted searches and targets painted on me

I CANOT take the risk of illegal T where I am I have been searched unprompted for less than that! "Come back woth a warrent" only works if the cops care to listen dickwads. My home had had a breaking an entering from cops and not a damn soul gave a shit. Never even made local news.

Yall white bitches posting about how no one needs to be afraid of diy t, or "how are you gonna say be gay do crime but be afraid of this crime?"

Bitch I calculate any crime with extreme caution bc I'm not trying to fucking die?!?! If you're qhite and you ppst that shit you can straight up go commit an open crime then if you're so fucking safe.

The talk around diy hrt and transitioning illegally is white and privileged and I'm tried. Shut you white fucking mouths if you aren't gonna do anything but be degrading to people stuggling with their hormones being taken.

oh wow

the TRFs are just

straight up saying police don't care to go after Black men huh

It would all be horrifically stupid and hurtful anyway but the fact that they seriously think that being a man is a Cops Won't Bother You card is kinna making my head spin, like yes the cops do not target people specifically for being men but that does not mean that you can tell Black men and other men of color to do something illegal because cops will just wave them by

hell even White trans men are disproportionately assaulted by police which even if it's because of "transphobia" still. means. it's. not. safe to carry a controlled substance illegally.

oh my God this is so bleak please someone kill me shoot me in the fucking head please

[anonymousewrites]

Apple of My Eye Chapter Six

Harry Hook x Child of Snow White! Reader

Chapter Six: I'm Wishing

Summary: (Y/N) wants to find their love, and other loves are on the rocks.

A few months later…

            “So, for Cotillion, I’m thinking…dramatic,” said Evie, looking at (Y/N). She hummed as she circled (Y/N) on the pedestal. “Yes. Red instead of mostly blue, switch things up. Gold detailing…Yes. An elegant look with a bit of drama. What do you think?”

            “I think you always have the best concepts,” said (Y/N), smiling.

            “I need something that screams, ‘I’m here, look at me,’ ” said Evie dramatically.

            “You’re outdoing yourself for Cotillion,” said (Y/N), chuckling.

            Evie smiled. “Business has been good since the Coronation, but this is my biggest event so far. My designs have to be impeccable.”

            “And they will be,” said (Y/N). “You’re an amazing designer.”

            “And you’re an amazing consultant. I wouldn’t have half the contracts I did if you didn’t get so many royals and nobles in other kingdoms to request my work.” Evie smirked. “Competition for me means they raise the price without me having to.”

            “If they have the money to throw around, take it,” teased (Y/N).

            Evie had created an amazing design business, and with the connections Doug and (Y/N) had, they had been able to help her grow. Now, she had a line of customers out for weeks of events and a steady flow of income. Cotillion was the next grand event and the largest since Coronation since Mal would be announced to be an official Lady of the Court. Due to the increase in demand for outfits, (Y/N) was lucky to get in with Evie before she ran out of appointments (and time). However, they were her friend, so that gave them a helpful in.

            “But you get a discount,” said Evie.

            “Evie, I am happy to pay you—”

            “Nope,” said Evie. “Best friends do each other favors. I give you clothes, you look fabulous and show them off for me.”

            “You have Mal for that, too,” said (Y/N), grinning.

            “You two have different styles,” said Evie. She paused. “And I suppose I could use Doug, but he just doesn’t have your charisma.”

            (Y/N) giggled at the picture in their head. Doug would do anything for his girlfriend and had been her model hundreds of times by now, but it was true that they and Mal modelled a bit better than he did due to their confidence and attitude. (Doug pouted when Evie told him, but she gave him a kiss and he recovered well enough). When Doug had been a model, he had quickly decided all the eyes on him weren’t his thing. He just needed Evie to look at him with love—and she sure did.

            Evie held up swatches to (Y/N) and looked in the mirror, humming as she decided on the color and precise fabric. “I have your measurements already, and I have patterns, so I will have the fitting ready in a few days.”

            “You’re so dependable,” said (Y/N).

            Evie let out an exhausted sigh. “I try.” She stepped back, made a few notes in her sketchbook, and let (Y/N) step down from the podium.

            Doug opened the door to the studio where Evie set up shop. “Evie, you ready for lunch?”

            Evie brightened as she closed her sketchbook. “I am.” She glanced at (Y/N). “I’ll see you later for dinner?”

            “Of course. Have fun on your date~” (Y/N) waved playfully as Evie and Doug took each other’s hands and walked out of the room.

            (Y/N) left after them, locking the studio with their copy of the key. They walked out of Auradon Prep onto the grounds, smiling as they passed Mal and Ben. They waved, and the pair waved back from where they were escaping paparazzi and going to another diplomatic luncheon. Poor Mal gave a tired smile and held Ben’s hand tightly. (Y/N) smiled as they watched. At least Mal and her friends and Ben to support her through the change from VK to almost Lady of the Court. It wasn’t easy. And love made things easier.

            “(Y/N),” said Carlos, running up to (Y/N). “Can I have some help?”

            Speaking of love. “With Jane?” said (Y/N) knowingly.

            Carlos turned pink. “Is it that obvious?”

            “To everyone except you two,” said (Y/N), smiling.

            “I want to ask her to Cotillion,” said Carlos. “But I don’t know how.”

            “Be direct,” said (Y/N). “Jane is as oblivious as you are—”

            “Hey.”

            “—so you need to say what you mean outright,” said (Y/N). They laughed. “She’s also so busy right now that she has barely any bandwidth to think of subtext. Make sure she knows what you mean.”

            “But what if she rejects me?” said Carlos.

            “Then she does. But would you rather be true to your heart or not?” said (Y/N).

            “…I want to be true,” said Carlos.

            “Good,” said (Y/N). They smirked. “Besides, I think she’ll say yes.”

            Carlos’s smile widened. “You think so?”

            “Yeah,” said (Y/N).

            “Thanks, (Y/N),” said Carlos, grinning.

            “No problem,” said (Y/N). They were there to help. They wanted their friends to find love. Love was an incredible thing. Everyone deserved to experience it

l

            “Do you like it?” said Evie, pinning the skirts of the dress.

            “I love it,” said (Y/N), smiling at the dress in the mirror. Evie hadn’t finished the detailing or tailoring quite yet, but the basis and major work was finished. (Y/N) was ecstatic. “It’s beautiful, Evie.”

            “You’re the beautiful one,” said Evie, smiling. She grinned in the mirror. “Now, what I want to know is…has anyone asked you to Cotillion?”

            “No,” laughed (Y/N), shaking their head.

            “Hm, have you asked anyone?” asked Evie.

            “Still a no, Evie,” said (Y/N). “I’d tell you if there was someone I was interested in.”

            Evie tutted. “I hope so, it’s my duty as your best friend to know these things.”

            (Y/N) chuckled, but their smile felt a little heavier. “I still haven’t felt a spark with anyone, Evie. I don’t know.”

            “Hey.” Evie put her hands on (Y/N)’s shoulders. “There are people outside of Auradon Prep. Not everyone in the kingdom comes here for school. You’ll meet someone eventually. If anyone is going to find True Love, it’s you.” She smiled.

            “I hope so,” said (Y/N), smiling.

            “And until then, you have us, your friends, and your parents, your family,” said Evie. She hugged her friend. “And we love you, too.”

            (Y/N) laughed and hugged Evie back. “I know.”

l

            (Y/N) walked through the grounds of Auradon Prep, humming as they went. They didn’t really care where they were going; they just wanted to think. They knew they didn’t need love. They were fortunate enough to have a good life, good friends, good family, everything.

            However, (Y/N) wanted to find True Love. They watched their friends begin to find it, and (Y/N) wanted to feel that lightness, that warmth in their heart that their parents had always told them about.

            (Y/N) entered a clearing in the woods and gazed at the well sitting in the middle of it. They smiled slightly and walked to it. They sat down on the edge and gazed down. Their reflection peered back up at them, and they hummed.

            They remembered some old, playful advice their mother gave them. An older superstition—

(Y/N) “Make a wish into the wall, That’s all you have to do, And if you hear it echoing, Your wish will soon come true.”

            (Y/N) leaned over the well. With the sun shining down on them, they really fit the fairytale aesthetic in their red skirt, white blouse, and blue corset top. A yellow bow held their hair back. (Y/N) hummed and began their song.

(Y/N) “I’m wishing.” (Echo) “I’m wishing.” (Y/N) “For the one I love, To find me.” (Echo) “To find me.” (Y/N) “Today.” (Echo) “Today.”

            (Y/N) sighed and leaned back, looking up at the sky.

(Y/N) “I’m hoping.” (Echo) “I’m hoping.” (Y/N) “And I’m dreaming of, The fun things.” (Echo) “The fun things.” (Y/N) “They’ll say.” (Echo) “They’ll say.”

            (Y/N) hopped off the side of the well and danced around it, singing the whole time.

(Y/N) “Ha ha ha ha ha.” (Echo) “Ha ha ha ha ha.” (Y/N) “Ha ha ha ha ha.” (Echo) “Ha ha ha ha ha.” (Y/N) “Ha ha ha ha ha.” (Echo) “Ha ha ha ha ha.” ((Y/N) and Echo) “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.”

            (Y/N) stopped, leaning out over the well.

(Y/N) “I’m wishing.” (Echo) “I’m wishing.” (Y/N) “For the one I love, To find me.” (Echo) “To find me.” (Y/N) “Today.” (Echo) “Today.”

            The echo hovered in the air, and (Y/N) sighed as it petered out.

            “I’m wishing…” To find love.

l

            “(Y/N)!” Evie burst through their dorm door, and (Y/N) was glad Lizzie was out studying so she wouldn’t get freaked out. “Mal went back to the Isle.”

            “What?!” (Y/N) stood from their bed in alarm.

            Evie covered her mouth, nearly crying. “She’s gone.” She held up a letter and a familiar ring. “I don’t know what to do—I can’t believe she left—Why would she…?”

            “Hey, hey.” (Y/N) took Evie’s hands. “Let’s talk to the others, to Ben. We can figure out what to do. We can find out if Mal is alright, if she needs help, if this was a mistake, everything. Okay? We’ll help her, Evie. Together.”

            Evie let out a shaky breath. “Okay. Alright.”

l

            Glancing up from his deskwork, Ben smiled. “Evie, (Y/N).” He was glad that after such a stressful day he could see at least a few friendly faces. “Come on in.” His face fell as he saw their expressions.

            (Y/N) closed the door tightly as Evie stepped forward.

            “Mal’s gone back to the Isle,” said Evie. Ben’s eyes widened. She held out the letter, and Ben took it. “Ben…” She held out the ring.

            Ben’s voice quivered as he took it and read the letter. “ ‘I am so sorry…’ ” He crumbled it in his hand. “This is my fault,” he said. “This is my fault! I blew it. She’s been under so much pressure lately, and instead of being understanding, I just went all beast on her.” He straightened. “I have to go there and apologize. I have to go there and beg her to come back.”

            “You’ll never find her,” said Evie.

            “We have to try,” said (Y/N). “She deserves to know that we’re all here to help her if she comes back.” None of them had helped her like they should have. No one had seen just how badly she was coping with the pressure and how much she needed support. (Y/N) owed it to their friend to help her.

            “But you need to know the Isle and how it works, and—I have to go with you,” realized Evie.

            “Yes!” Ben paused. “I mean…Are you sure?”

            “Yeah.” Evie nodded firmly, bravely. “She’s my best friend. And we’ll bring the boys, too. There’s safety in numbers, and none of us are really too popular over there right now.”

            “Thank you,” said Ben.

            “But let’s get one thing straight,” said Evie. “You have to promise me that I won’t get stuck there again.”

            “Never,” said (Y/N). “We’d never leave you behind.”

            “I promise,” said Ben.

            “Alright,” said Evie, nodding.

            “And let’s get another thing straight,” said (Y/N). Ben and Evie looked at them. “I’m coming, too.”

            “What—No,” said Ben.

            “Mal’s my friend, too,” said (Y/N).

            “Okay,” said Evie. She smirked. “But neither of you are going dressed like that.”

Taglist:

@neenieweenie

@hampterfae

@american-idiot-jpg

@lunalixya

@roo024

@unholycheesesnack

@paastaboi

@lbee13

@rory-cakes

@theeghosted

@newttheglue250

[grinsgrimmy]

Hi! This is my first time ever requesting anything so sorry if this is bad. 😣😣

Can you do a Izek van omertà from how to win my husband over? (I love him so much 😭) Like we’re Ruby’s younger sister, we go to visit her, and while we’re there we get to know Izek. Can this also be platonic? Please and thank you! I love your work as well! ☺️

Ｌ Ｉ Ｔ Ｔ Ｌ Ｅ Ｓ Ｉ Ｓ Ｔ Ｅ Ｒ .

ㅤᯓᡣ𐭩 𝖨𝖲𝖪𝖤 𝖵𝖠𝖭 𝖮𝖬𝖤𝖱𝖳𝖠 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖠𝖥𝖠𝖡!𝖱𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋

HOW TO GET MY HUSBAND ON MY SIDE

๋࣭⭑ֶֶֶָָָ֢֢֢𖹭 drabble . (1013 words)

sum. ruby's little sister decided to visit her one day, only to judge iske platonic

note : thank you for the request and nice words, anonie!! my first platonic fic, so idk if i did well but i tried! i also tried my best to write beyond just meeting iske so im REALLY REALLY sorry for changing the prompt. i wish i can write more but this is suppose to be a drabble, so i had to shorten the ending...

drabble request slots

ㅤ⪩⪨ m.list

“ruby, i don't like him.”

you muttered under your breath almost immediately after stepping out of your carriage, greeted by your sister and her imposing husband.

it had not been a minute, but you were absolutely certain that you did not like duke iske van omerta.

ruby's eyes widened, a mix of embarrassment and amusement flashing across her face as she glanced at iske, who stood baffled by your blunt words, but his expression remained unreadable (much to your annoyance).

ruby let out a nervous laugh, pulling you to her to give a quick hug. “you little—! you just got here,” she whispered sharply, her wobbly, embarrassed smile betraying her amusement. “you haven't even talked to him, and you already decided that he's the bad guy.”

“he looks mean.” you glanced up at the towering man with an icy glare of your own as you furrowed your brows, “and kind of ugly.” you could hear the screech of disbelief from ruby when those words left your mouth.

you yelped as ruby pulled you to her, as she covered your mouth with her hand. ruby gave a nervous and apologetic grin to iske, “she doesn't mean it! she's just tired from the journey—”

you struggled, attempting to protest against ruby's words, “no i'm not he's— mmph!” ruby's grip on your mouth tightened, keeping her stilling grin.

“she doesn't mean it!”

iske's eyes narrowed slightly, his bewilderment shifting to something more unreadable. iske did not know whether to be offended or stunned by the audacity of ruby's sister. 

he could not exactly be angry since, well, you are ruby's sister.

iske was quite confident about himself as a duke and commander, who often instilled fear and rumors— however, being called mean and ugly by his wife's teenage sister was certainly a humbling experience.

though he did not show it, he was genuinely bothered by it.

iske raised a brow, folding his arms across his chest. “does she always introduce herself like this?” ruby let out another nervous laugh, still holding your mouth shut, “oh, she's usually much, much worse.”

“am not!” you managed to squeak out as you wriggled free from her grasps. as you stumbled on your steps, you quickly jabbed a finger to iske, “i'm being honest! you look scary! why does ruby always sing praises about yo— ow! ruby!”

despite iske's stoic demeanour while watching the exchange between ruby and her sister, something about your words seemed to pierce through iske's unshakeable confidence. his stature had stiffened since you called him ugly, and so did his sharp gaze.

when hearing that you were visiting ruby, iske actually put in a whole lot of effort to look neat, tidy, and sophisticated to have your approval after ruby said that you were a cranky teen that did not really like people.

ruby managed to calm you down from your crankiness of disliking iske, she turned her head back to iske—

only to find him leaning against a pillar of the manor, as if sulking. well, ruby assumed he was sulking, judging by his faltered shoulders and contemplating expression. 

if anything, he looked troubled. 

ruby could barely hear the mumbles coming from him

ruby paled to see iske having an existential crisis. she shot you a warning glare before walking to iske, trying to comfort him, “iske, don't let my sister's words get into your head! you're fine the way you are!”  

iske is a duke, a commander, a man accustomed to respect and feared by many.

yet here he was, troubled by the blunt opinion of a teenager.

his wife's little sister.

it made him extra bothered when you really liked iske's sister, but not him.

during the duration of your stay, iske tried to appeal to you. somehow, that was. he always struck up conversations with you whenever you were around, which you found completely awkward and weird of him, unfortunately.

then he tried to appeal to your taste palette. he made sure that every meal from breakfast to dinner had meals that you were fond of, which ruby thankfully told him what you did like. that still did not make you like him at all.

iske had also attempted to give you tiny gifts. this was a strategy that ruby herself had told iske to try since you were quite fond of gifts. 

he had started to look like a kicked puppy due to not having ruby's little sister's approval.

“this isn't actually bad.” you admitted to ruby as you raised the toy plush of an animal you were fond of, gazing at it with satisfaction. “see, he's not that bad, right?” ruby mused with a strange sympathy for her husband, who's been in turmoil for two days due to you.

you gave her a look before sighing, “i'm surprised he's doing all of this. the attempts to talk to me, the food, and now the gifts. he's a real weirdo.” you huffed out.

you returned your eyes back to the plush. after a long while of thinking, you pouted, “ugh, fine... he's not that bad. i guess he's better than the rest of the other choices father had for you.” you grumbled out, embarrassed to admit that iske is actually a good man for your sister.

as you prepared to leave, you decided to apologise to iske about your behaviour. despite your irritation and resistance (and probably protectiveness over your sister), you could not ignore that iske had genuinely tried. 

you also had seen the way he looked at ruby. genuine love and care.

he was unlike those disgusting men.

you only gave a curt apology to iske. there was no need for grand gestures or for it to be lengthy before hopping into your carriage.

when you glanced out at the window, you noticed that iske's eyes brightened, like a dog. he looked at ruby with disbelief and pride. iske finally got your approval after three days of trying.

you could not help but feel a quiet sense of happiness, knowing that your sister will be fine with that weirdo.

・❥ want a hc / oneshot? please consider commissioning in ko-fi !

[jediwrites]

this won’t work

pairing: anakin skywalker x jedi knight fem!reader

theme: angst/comfort

summary: after a mission, you’re feeling like shit, anakin comes to comfort you.

warnings: a little angst, but we get the confort part too :) mentions of nightmares, toxic thinking (i guess? idk how to name it sorry), sad feelings, probably grammar mistakes

word count: 881

A/N: hello there, just a small work to start (idk if i can call this angst?). i'm really excited to share this with y’all, it’s far from the best but i liked how it turned out. this is the first time i post my writing, so i'm afraid, but really happy too, so i hope yall like it. if you want to make a request (or just want to talk) feel free to ask!

You felt the sweat getting down on your forehead and spine with every swing of your saber, your hands held the base with a strong grip, trying to stop the trembling. You had been in the training room for hours. It was probably late at night, but you didn’t care. You would be there until your body ran out of energy or ran out of those feelings that were consuming your very being. The meditation wasn’t working, so the saber fight had to.  

You shouldn’t be letting those feelings consume you. So much shame, regret, anger. You were a Jedi, for the Maker’s sake. It seems like you were incapable of controlling it, though. You had failed them, how it would be possible for you to not feel anything? 

Since the attack of Grievous and his droids, it has been impossible for you to have a good night. Every time you tried to close your eyes and let sleep take you, the sounds of screams and shots flood your dreams, with the creepy laugh of the cyborg being the melody of them. So you wake up more tired than before. Wanting to run away from those memories, your mind came to the idea that if you worked your body to exhaustion, you probably wouldn’t have dreams or nightmares. 

“This won’t work at all” a voice suddenly filled the room, startling you and making you come to a halt. Your distraction almost got you hit by a blaster, but you deflected it with a fast swing of your lightsaber. With a command, you turned off the droid.

“You scared me, you idiot!”

The man laughed. “Well, I can’t say that wasn’t my objective.”

Rolling your eyes, you retracted your lightsaber, putting it in your belt. Drying the sweat from your forehead with your robe’s sleeve, you turned in his direction.

Looking at Anakin made your heart skip a beat. That’s probably because of the intensive training you were doing seconds ago, nothing related to the man, of course. Crossing your arms over your chest, you spoke:

“I thought you were on a mission.” You weren’t expecting to see him so soon, but you felt the relief of seeing Anakin again getting through your body. 

“You thought right, but the council called me to get back to Coruscant.” Anakin had his arms crossed in his back, with every word he did say, he gave a step to your direction. You kept still, waiting. With only a small distance between you, Anakin put one of his hands on your shoulder, squeezing softly. “Are you alright?”

His caring tone made you break. Before you could prevent it, your eyes were burning and your face was buried in his chest, with his arms around you. You were crying like a baby, probably his robe would be wet after that, but you couldn't care less, neither could he. 

After some time of your crying being the only sound in the room, you calmed down, feeling Anakin’s hand soothing your back. You missed him so much.

“It’s alright, you’ll be alright.”

You moved your head from his chest, being able to see his face without getting away from his embrace. Anakin got a small smile on his lips, you could see the sadness in his eyes. He knew very well what you were feeling. Losing men to the battle wasn't an easy thing that you could just forget that happened, but going on after surviving and fighting for those who had fallen was the best to do. Dwelling in the possibilities of what could have happened if another decision or move had been taken, wouldn’t bring anything good.

Letting his mechanic hand on your back, he put the other in your face, getting rid of the remaining tears from your cheeks. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You thought about it. Maybe it would help, the last time you spoke about the fateful day was with the council, and if you would be honest you didn’t say everything. Right, you told them how you and the soldiers got to fight Grievous and the casualties, but besides the strategic thing — and the tragedy —, you didn't say anything more. In your mind, telling them about how this mission affected you would make them perceive you as weak, or worse, perceive you as someone incapable of returning to the battlefield. So to not give chances, you kept every feeling to yourself.

“No,” you said. “Not now, at least.” 

Having Anakin in your arms made you feel more at ease. It was ironic how this very man, who has a mixture of emotions flooding from himself, was the one capable of soothing your stormy feelings.

A thought passed through your mind, making you a bit embarrassed. Wanting to hide this from him, you got your head back in his chest, tightening even more your arms around him. 

“But I will be glad if you could stay with me, like this, for tonight,” you whispered, a comment only for his ears.

The sound of his laugh made a smile appear on your lips. “My beautiful girl, you don’t have to ask again.” Anakin kissed the top of your head, whispering back. “I won't let you go from my arms tonight” or ever.

[suddencolds]

a personal milestone 🥳 + author's note

i finally made it 😭 (there is probably another 10k sitting in my drafts, but i have always tracked word count for this project as a sum of already-published installments)

also a (somewhat long) journal entry below:

—

This has been the main project in my life for almost two years, now (I started writing on 1.26.2023). It's my first proper attempt at a novel, and it's one of my first times ever posting original work anywhere 😭

It's hard to say how I feel now, perhaps because I feel too much.

Where to go from here? I considered dropping the series entirely before I hit the milestone because I was very tired. In a way, I felt like I had said everything I wanted to say. But I think I also love this series a lot more than I can properly verbalize.

To be completely honest, writing this series was so lonely. To work for so long on something that I could not show to nearly anyone irl (not family, not close friends, not peers, not strangers I met who I talked to about art); to spend hundreds of hours on something that I could only ever post to a small subset of people... all of that was very lonely. I'm sure other creatives have felt this way too.

And at the same time, hearing what people on snzblr thought became probably the most potent source of happiness in my life (is that pathetic? Maybe so.) I don't think this project was self-sustaining at all; I think to some extent, I wrote it because I wanted to hear people tell me that they liked it. I realize this is a terrible and unsustainable reason to create art, but that's the truth.

On some level, though, I kept writing because I loved Y+V. They've been at the forefront at my life for almost two years now 😭 I spent a long time teaching myself how to write them, and a lot of the themes & choices in the series are quite personal. Embarrassingly, I still want to talk about Y+V all the time.

When I posted to ask if I could send my unfinished/unpolished WIPs, some people reached out to offer to read them... and then I never sent anything over to anyone. I think a part of me could not get it through my head that people would be willing to read something completely unpolished, because... well, frankly, a lot of my drafts are just pretty unreadable; I typically only post things that I have already cleaned up. More importantly, I felt like sending my drafts to people—even people who had given me explicit permission to send them!—was selfish and troublesome.

On some level, I also felt the same about asking others to brainstorm with me: I felt like I was asking them a favor which I did not know how to pay back. Perhaps this is just another way in which I have been cruel/uncharitable to myself, but I never imagined people enjoying receiving my drafts. I could never convince myself that for those people, giving feedback/discussing ideas might not actually be a chore. I was always scared to make writing less of a lonely process because I could only think about how easy it would be for me to ask too much.

This is probably the most honest I've been about this particular subject 😭 I am not good at gauging what constitutes 'too much.' I feel like I can get carried away when someone expresses interest, so I try to preemptively position myself as someone who does not impinge on others... I think that even outside of this series, I have defaulted to this pattern of trying to give and trying not to ask. In that particular sense, I am perhaps to blame for my own loneliness.

Anyways! Recently, I've gone back to (tentatively) writing after months of not writing. I'm not sure if I will post another installment here (maybe if the drafts are 'good enough', I will?), but it's nice to write without worrying so much that what I am writing needs to be publishable/presentable.

If you have ever left tags/comments on my work, and you are reading this, I am grateful beyond words to you for keeping me company + for making me feel like what I was spending so much time on was a little more meaningful :') I always go back to reread them when I'm in need of encouragement. Thank you sincerely for the happiness. ❤️

[miyakuli]

In 6 years of teaching in my school, it's the first time I feel like I have a complete burn-out. The other years, I could cry because of students who are being harsh, or because it was a period I was super tired. But that's kinda "normal" when you teach in a difficult school so I always tried to keep positive.

But right now, I just feel unhappy when I go there, all because of the school principal who is unable to do their job and who shifts their responsibility onto others. It's been 3 years they arrived and now, it's the chaos. We no longer have any equipment or financial means to help, the organization is chaotic, contempt is constantly present, etc. etc....tell yourself that every morning I go to work without knowing if I could print my lessons for my class == Oh and a student went to hospital yesterday after an accident (bcs too much student so it becomes dangerous) and they didn't even noticed OTL

And today, my colleagues and myself decided it was too much and we decided to go on a strike for the day.

I let them go ahead, because I couldn't contain myself anymore and just cried in my corner. And OF COURSE, the principal saw I was alone and instead of consulting EVERY OTHER TEACHERS who were gathering in the hall, they decided to come to me.......... She clearly saw I was crying, she didn't even say "hello" or "how are you", she just gave me a message for my colleagues and she finished with "yeah well I feel bad too you know" with a sarcastic tone.

I'm done

I'll go to see my doctor next week and if I can get stopped for mental & physical damage, I won't hesitate