#i'm genuinely crying right now
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i love you more than anything kiyoko
#haikyuu#kiyoko shimizu#haikyuu season 4#hq season 4 ep 10#skye rewatches haikyuu#i'm genuinely crying right now#like full on tears streaming down my face
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guys i am visiting my sister in the uk in january and she just bought us the tickets to see hadestown on west end!!!
#i genuinely can't stop crying my head is going to fucking explode#this can't be real#she hates musicals but i told her about hadestown some time ago because she used to love greek mythology#and she said she might actually want to see this one#i can't stop crying what the fuck oh my god what is happening i just shehru3u4j4j4n#the last time i cried this much was after buying clancy tour tickets#i'm not even kidding you don't wanna see my red face right now#😭😭#I'M SO HAPPY I CAN'T EVEN OH MY GOD#i say whatever and whatever that i want*
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i can't with ding yuxi's on the verge of tears face btw
#star stumbles#if i looked at that man and saw him about to cry it would be OVER.#i'm literally destroying something right now#like mu yao and miaomiao are so strong because i see even the faintest genuine frown? oh someone has to pay right now#and it's like at the beginning of the show he would show himself being vulnerable and it wasn't obvious#it was always when someone wasn't looking and now he looks them in their eyes and it is on display#and that's just *clenches fist*#love game in eastern fantasy#cdrama#ding yuxi
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this paper might be very shitty and i did have to get an extension but guys it's gonna be done. i'm gonna FINISH the paper. holy shit i've never been more relieved. i've written 5 pages out of 8 in like two hours. thank u to my mom for never throwing out the adderall prescription i had when i was 16
#someone clap and cheer for me and tell me ur proud i genuinely was crying so hard yesterday bcs i thought i wasn't gonna be able to do it#like i thought there was NO WAY i was gonna be able to write this paper but jesus christ. it's fine. i'm doing it and it's fine!!!!!!#it's very bad and rough right now but i'm DOING it!!!!!!! this is a major fucking win for me!!!!!!!!!#hello world
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so has anyone got any idea what the fuck we're supposed to do in this general election? particularly when you're in a constituency where a vote for anyone except labour is a vote for the tories and a vote for labour is also a vote for tories (ie. tory policies.)
"democracy" it's an actual joke
#(eg. voting green would be 'splitting the vote' etc etc)#might have a little cry on the train!#i know what i said about tactical voting but honestly what's the point#the thought of voting labour right now makes me sick#but#like genuinely me voting green is helping the tories win#what the fuck#can you tell i'm in a terrible mood today 💀#just adding that of course i'm glad i actually have a right to vote and i acknowledge that's more than some#still basically useless though#i am absolutely not saying you shouldn't vote. i'm just calling out how fucked up our electoral system is
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The beach at Yaffa is one of my favorite places in the world. We used to walk along this biiiiiiig stretch that went from Tel Ar-Rabee’a down to the old city in Yaffa and the sea was just. Right there. Honestly just sitting/leaning against the old stone wall that lines the walkway down on the Yaffa side of the beach was one of my favorite things in the world because you’d look out over the insanely blue water of the Mediterranean and see the minaret of the mosque down in the distance. People would fish and kids would ride their bikes and families would have picnics and it felt like being in another world. I miss it so much it makes me ache :(
i literally burst into tears not even a second after reading the first sentence. mashallah the beach sounds so so so beautiful i'm so happy you were able to enjoy it. i'm crying so hard over this ya rab this is so sweet and so heartbreaking to me. the pure joy of all the people and the atmosphere and the view sounds so lovely. i hope with my whole heart that you get to see the beach again. inshallah ameen
#thank you for sharing i genuinely needed this so bad#im crying really fucking hard right now ya rab i wish you could go see the beach again. i'm praying#thank you :(( ♥️
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genuinely going to sob PLEASE listen to the TPTM songs by weevildoing
#chu shut up#the finale genuinely is making me cry and want to recover from my suffering. even if i'm not ready right now#this series just makes me feel like maybe i'm not totally alone#tptm
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hey guys who wants another round of tmi
#ive been#this entire day has been a lot and i have no idea how to feel about it#i've never cried this much in an entire day and i can't stop myself from tearing up but it's not because of something sad or traumatic i'm#not used to being loved. or appreciated. or meant to feel like i belong anywhere. i've struggled with being excluded and ostracized and it#has been an uphill battle for a long time and deep down despite my many attempts to heal and get better i've always felt like something was#fundamentally wrong with me. it has been wrong with me from the start and whatever evidence to the contrary ive gotten was rationalised awa#by fluke or maybe people like me because of what i can provide and what i can do for them and not because of who i am and who i am will#always be tolerated or ignored at best and i genuinely was not expecting anyone but a few close friends to care about this and just. andjus#i think something in me is healing and it's still hard to accept but i can conceptualize it and any negative thought in my brain is being#countered by “hey why would you think that when people care about you” and i know it is obvious right. its something i should know but it#has always been so hard to believe that anyone would and the fact that it's hitting right now? i cant fucking stop crying#its almost fucking embarrassing im like this. im a grown ass adult. why the fuck am i still crying like this. i fucking hate trauma man#keeps making me feel like im that kid who was never loved in the ways that mattered. sorry im just#thankful. grateful. i feel like some parts of that gaping wound is stitching itself together and i cant stop crying and for once im not#crying because i'm being hurt. i'm just grateful to be here. genuinely fucking grateful that i'm alive#funny isnt it. how much love can save you if you let it#tmi#rant#embarrassed myself enough i think#sorry about that we'll go to our regularly scheduled ghoap program soon enough#i'll be okay
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I knew about the post concert depression but no one told me about the post concert constant feeling of AAAAAAAAAHHH that lasts days and makes everything much more bearable and beautiful and some sort of ethereal type of hope is restored into the world, or maybe it's just the "seeing your favourite band after first thinking that it would never happen and later spending many months waiting for it all the while fearing that it wouldn't happen after all because of circumstances outside my control or feeling like it was too beautiful and wonderful to be true so ofc it wouldn't come true" part of it all
#guys i love they might be giants. did you know about this#me days before the show: crying because i will see they might be giants#me days after the show: crying because i saw they might be giants#truth is that i didn't actually full on cry until yesterday evening though so once i was back home so it was all officially over#and it was time to just slow down and realize that oh well wow. so all that just happened. like for realsies#i also finally looked through my videos and my recording of the whole show (yes as an archivist freak who records audio from most concerts#i obviously had to record this one also. now i can listen to it again and again and be remided that i didn't dream it all up after all)#but yeah all this and now i'm supposed to move on and go back to my stupid daily life#like i didn't just have one of those real actual life experiences and moments of pure fun that other people generally get from time to time#and that i haven't had since idk even when a year and a half ago#thats the last time i consider truly amazing on a level somewhat comparable to this. but back to the show and the whole thing.#like this wouldn't have been quite as perfect if i didn't share that time with fellow fans / friends that i ended up attending the show wit#you don't realize how badly you've been wanting to be included in things and for people to be genuinely fond of you and like your company#until you get included and shown that fondness. like wow i'm allowed to have fun too after all. can it happen again someday please. anyway#i'm just glad that in midst of my big bad awful times i could have this truly amazing 10/10 time#and i guess it doesn't have to be the last such time right. even if it's easy to give into the feeling that it is#but ok anyway i'll get to that proper show recap later when i can think clearly again#and maybe more on that more personal side of it all too because well i have many more thoughts obviously#but whether i get to that in 3 days or 3 months is a mystery for now. just kind of a lot to think about once again#and my stupid baka life continues on also whether i like it or not so that has to be taken into consideration as well#time to think again about school that i'm so totally fully failing now with my two weeks long absence yayyy. its fine i'll figure it all out#goosepost
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Man if Marcy keeps ending up with like child protection services in all these fics over her parents being slightly distant then my parents should be in JAIL
#idk if I'm wording it correctly but this goes hand in hand with some posts I#I've made abt Marcy's parents not being super great but also not being like...#like i didn't imagine them as outright abusive or deserving of losing custody over her#and people kept reblogging them and tagging them as abuse?? 😭😭#like if THAT is abuse. then what the fuck what up at my house#c'mon! her parents growing to kinda hate her because they couldn't stand her personality and failing to fulfill her emotional needs#while still always making sure she always had her material needs met#and doing their best not to blow up at her#resulting in them always acting mildly annoyed towards her#is not *really* abuse. right? like that's just how pretty much every parent feels tbh#like i've never seen a parent who genuinely likes their kids. every parent i know is either sick of them or morbidly depressed#like wondering why the hell they chose this life for themselves#some parents are just better at being optimistic and focusing on the nice parts than others#but not all have the mental fortitude to smile through the disgust and resentment they feel all the time#which tbh is an inhumane thing to ask from a person. parents are humans too and there's only so much a person can repress#i'm convinced parents like the boonchuys only exist in fiction#i just imagine Marcy's parents as being average parents who just don't always have the patience a kid like Marcy needs#like over here my parents are breaking my assistive devices and spying on me while i'm in the bathroom and I never considered that abuse#i just used to drive them insaneeeee back in the day lol#just like with friends and couples. sometimes parents and their kids aren't meant for each other y'know? and maybe that's just Marcy's case#i do know that's my case#but strangers online are here crying abuse for less#so now i'm like. hehehehe. say what now#personal
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i don't think i'll ever get over how people treat kids that aren't good in school as worthless no matter what. "oh it can't be that bad" my guy idk how to tell you this but the last time i went to a normal high school the principal called me into his office to brag about how he failed me in all of my classes before the semester was even finished & i should quit while i'm ahead cuz i'm too stupid ("officially" diagnosed as such by a school counselor & a psychiatrist!!) to succeed. & this is considered normal
#''poor teachers!!'' yeah well at least they can fucking quit & go work somewhere else#''okay but times are different than when you went to school in the 1970's'' this was 2016 my guy. shut the fuck up#''well maybe you were a violent & severely misbehaving kid!'' i wasn't. i have ADHD & severe anxiety disorder & depression#my biggest crime was being too exhausted & dopamine deprived to do my homework#my dad talks about how he was treated in school & i'm like damn dude i went through the same exact shit#how is it that a majority of teachers & principals are still abusive power-tripping pieces of shit 60 years later#why haven't things changed#well actually the answer is simple & it's because they want disabled people to disappear#& if abled students that simply disagree with the way things are done get caught in the crossfire then that is acceptable#because anyone not fit to make billionaires a billion more dollars should just die!#anyways here are my original tags from that gravity falls post i just reblogged:#I know this is supposed to be an appreciation post but like. ''for being the ''dumb one'' he's surprisingly rational.'' seriously??#as ''the dumb'' but ''surprisingly rational'' one of my family this is THEE biggest misunderstanding & it drives me up the fucking wall#just because a person struggles in one area doesn't mean they're stupid & should be an irrational dumb dumb idiot baby holy fuckkk#sorry to OP but even when people try to ''appreciate'' stuff like this they can't help but throw in insults#simply because they genuinely believe that ''even though you're stupid you SURPRISINGLY act competent sometimes'' is a compliment#I'm less mad about this & more sad that this kind of shit is still so prevalent in 2024#both Stanley & Stanford are smart & competent & rational#they just show it in different ways & exceed in different (sometimes overlapping) subjects#this is normal for human beings but the big societal scam is that if you don't do it in the way Ford does then you're stupid & a failure#& being surprised that Stan is also smart & competent in his own ways is the biggest sing that you fucking fell for it dude#btw before i get @ ed for this. i WAS that kid#i was so much that kid the school actually diagnosed me with stupid & spiteful & i was told to quit while i was ahead (they failed me befor#obviously this is very personal for me but also i don't think people realize the language they use is on purpose & it's used specifically t#& it's still happening right now & that just. makes me wanna cry honestly#like why are people still surprised that people can specialize in something despite bad grades in school#you know. the thing we all know is literally rigged to either put you in jail or in a factory to make billionaires more money.#man sorry for the rant the original spirit of the post is super correct but like fuck HS grade-centric judging of people's entire character#Stan being able to defeat Bill is just not at all surprising if you were him or knew/know someone like him#or really paid any attention at all to the show while watching it
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Dread be dreading
#ughg#i usually have awful thoughts randomly popping up here or there#make me pretty anxious for a few days then i won't think about them for a while#but man i can't handle doubts suddenly resurfacing#like this monday i was listening to my last lecture and everything bad i cooked up a in the past few months hit me like a truck#couldn't even focus i was too busy internally chanting shit fuck i don't want this i made a huge mistake shit shit#i won't be able to handle all this responsibility i'm so tired this will butcher my mental health should have chosen media studies fuuuck#what was i thinking what am i gonna do help#then proceeded to distract myself with an electric outlet otherwise i might have started crying#:/#and those thoughts aren't wrong unfortunately#i love this university and the classes and the things i study#the teachers and my classmates and the kids i got to take care of#but i don't think i could do this for real#i'm not even struggling with anything i'm just scared and tired as hell#and thought i could just. power through it- like if i'm stubborn enough it won't matter that it's draining#but damn#and hell originally i came here because i wanted to teach english to kids#i guess my expectations were too high i don't feel like i've learned anything that useful this far#and turns out it won't get better#we just gonna do presentations again#to be fair i loved researching nursery rhymes but i hoped we would have... more. of that#also about media studies. chief... i crave to be there#could have picked the english specialization there too- i'm a moron. a bozo. holy shit#well. gonna go through this semester either way. because again everything i study here (almost everything) is genuinely great and useful#and perhaps i'm just in a Pit right now#the dread pit#should probably break this to my sister. somehow#random squeak
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genuinely didn't think I'd make it to 18 let alone 22 so now I'm looking around like..... Now What
#diary#um. sad rant i guess dont read if you're not in the headspace to take in negativity#i dont know what to do with myself. i feel like crying all the time and I'm always tired no matter how much i sleep and i love my family bu#sometimes i wish i just lived alone and didn't talk to anyone. i hate talking about my problems i hate everything about it#i dont want to be here. but i dont know where to go or how to move forward. i want to live but i dont really have that option#i feel so stuck right now.#i would say more but it would get sad really fast so I'll write it down maybe. or listen to some sad music and cry it out#genuinely thought about running away to like. Switzerland earlier. like i was looking up flights and everything#how fucking sad does someone have to be to contemplate that.
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I made the decision today to reach out and talk to another trans person in my community who I had only interacted with in passing, and we shared our fears for a bit. She offered me some resources and I tried to offer her some cause for optimism. I don't know that either of us succeeded in making the other feel better, but I know her better now. So if nothing else, I can look back on today as the day I became friends with her.
I can also look back on today as the day my conservative cousin's wife liked a post I made about continuing to fight for trans rights. Or the day I hugged my friend in the dining hall and told her that no matter what, at least she's still hot, and watched her double over laughing. Or the day I called my mom and convinced her to get out of bed and go on a walk, when she usually has trouble with both. And in a bit, I'll be able to look back on today as the day my theatre group finally finished learning our entire show, the day I learned how to transcribe medieval Latin scripts, and the day I finished a silly vine animatic for my friends.
I refuse to let anyone else control how I remember the sixth of November, 2024. I refuse to demoralize myself. I'm going to walk into the next four years with the memory of the good we managed to do, and the community that rallied to do it. Because as bleak as everything seems, my school has just accepted student initiatives to make name changes on campus a smoother process, to curb islamophobia and antisemitism, and to build more accessible walkways on campus. There is so much good we can work towards, even under these conditions, and I want to ensure I start off strong. So today is a time to rest, to find comfort and solidarity, and through them, resist.
#us politics#election#election 2024#american politics#dex rambles#i admit i'm sort of in 'comfort others' mode right now#there is every chance i will crash later and cry#but i do genuinely mean this
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The physical pain I feel because one of my favorite bands of all time that I've wanted to see for like 20 years is coming to my city next month and there's no conceivable way I can shell out the money for TWO tickets because concert ticket prices have become so fucking outrageous and we are literally one somewhat large inconvenience away from homelessness lol.
#they are the only band that i've wanted to see my whole life and haven't#and i wanted to take my mom because she loves them too and the other band they're doing the show with#i know this is like. incredibly insignificant. people are dealing with so much right now#i shouldn't be upset about a concert when i can't make my car payment and our house doesn't have heat lol#but this like. genuinely digging at my mental health#it's just the combination of everything. i feel worthless and dumb and the world sucks and everyone is miserable and suffering#and i can't even pay to forget reality for two hours#it's never going to end#anyways#i'm fine lol i just want to scream and cry because joy and fun are locked behind a paywall
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something that really sucks about prolonged loneliness is feeling so desperate for emotional intimacy and then also so closed off to it because you're used to the isolation. it's an exhausting circular pattern and i hate it.
#eh.txt#i feel like i keep saying i'm having a hard week#and the truth is i've just been having such a hard time since the end of last summer#i really just feel so broken down and vulnerable and alone and just tired from that#i hope someday i can feel genuine love and support and safety#bc right now all of that is just so far away from me and i just have to cry about it before bed all the time#anyway#big hugs to anyone else feeling that i wish we were close in distance so we could support each other#it's so hard
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