#i'm filling out an ask game myself. feeling very 2013. who wants to talk about books tho

[bioeco]

How many books did you read this year? 80

Did you reread anything? What? Elif Batuman's 3 books

What were your top five books of the year?

Lote by Shola von Reinhold <3 Voice of the Fish by Lars Horn Greta and Valdin by Rebecca K Reilly The Details by Ia Genberg Don't Look at Me Like That by Diana Athill

Did you discover any new authors that you love this year?

Shola von Reinhold, ZZ Packer, Hisham Matar, Annie Ernaux, Bryan Washington, Marguerite Duras, Isabel Waidner, Justin Torres, Evelyn Waugh, Emily Zhou

What genre did you read the most of? Literary/LGBT haha

Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to? All the books that my friend Becca gave me

What was your average STORYGRAPH rating? Does it seem accurate? 4.13 but I don't rate the books I don't have a strong opinion of

Did you meet any of your reading goals? Which ones? One book in another language (Lessico Famigliare Natalia Ginzburg)

What was your favorite new release of the year? Cecilia by K-Ming Chang

What was your favorite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read? Brideshead Revisited!

Any books that disappointed you? The Morningside by Téa Obreht (should have left it as a short story!)

What were your least favorite books of the year? How to Live Free in a Dangerous World: A Decolonial Memoir by Shayla Lawson

What books do you want to finish before the year is over? Middlemarch

Did you read any books that were nominated for or won awards this year (Booker, Women’s Prize, National Book Award, Pulitzer, Hugo, etc.)? What did you think of them? This is a good question. I'll have to check.

What is the most over-hyped book you read this year? Knausgaard

Did any books surprise you with how good they were? Emily Wilde

Did you use your library? 5 different local libraries oh yeah!

What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations? The City and its Uncertain Walls by Haruki Murakami and YES

What’s the longest book you read? The Sea, The Sea by Iris Murdoch

Did you DNF anything? Why? Knausgaard's second struggle book because it was a struggle to read. and Sexist

What reading goals do you have for next year? 80 books again and another book in Italian!

end-of-year book ask

How many books did you read this year?

Did you reread anything? What?

What were your top five books of the year?

Did you discover any new authors that you love this year?

What genre did you read the most of?

Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to?

What was your average Goodreads rating? Does it seem accurate?

Did you meet any of your reading goals? Which ones?

Did you get into any new genres?

What was your favorite new release of the year?

What was your favorite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read?

Any books that disappointed you?

What were your least favorite books of the year?

What books do you want to finish before the year is over?

Did you read any books that were nominated for or won awards this year (Booker, Women’s Prize, National Book Award, Pulitzer, Hugo, etc.)? What did you think of them?

What is the most over-hyped book you read this year?

Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

How many books did you buy?

Did you use your library?

What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations?

Did you participate in or watch any booklr, booktube, or book twitter drama?

What’s the longest book you read?

What’s the fastest time it took you to read a book?

Did you DNF anything? Why?

What reading goals do you have for next year?

[haveyouheardthispodcast]

What are your personal favorite podcasts?

Mod Nic here, I just got access to the askbox (Thank you Mods Kat and Axe!) and I'll be getting to the asks and submissions in chronological order except I wanted to answer this first.

My top three podcasts I can't rank because they all feel incomparable. They are Welcome to Night Vale, Wolf 359, and Friends at the Table.

Welcome to Night Vale: A classic. I've listened to this at least four times. Of course, 20 new episodes come out a year (plus bonus episodes on Patreon and liveshows on Bandcamp) so I haven't listened to every episode four times, because on each listen it gets longer and longer. I found it summer of 2013 when I was on an international road trip and could only check Tumblr on my iPod Touch when the hostel/motel/airport/ferryport had WiFi. Everyone was talking about it so I used the Apple podcast app (before it was subsumed by iTunes (before it was later rejected by iTunes)) for the first time. I remember coming back to the US and being at my grandparents and excited for a good WiFi connection and a lack of time pressure so that I could reblog Night Vale art like everyone else. My comfort podcast. Despite many people comparing any fiction podcast to Welcome to Night Vale, the first one to feel similar on an emotional level to me is Hello From The Hallowoods. It has the same sense of yes, the world is filled with horrors, but life is beautiful nonetheless. A narrator's gentle voice will tell me the happenings of many people who may or may not know each other but still make up a broader community.

Wolf 359: This is not the first non-Night Vale podcast I listened to, but it was the one that unlocked podcasts for me. The first one that I could track easily and was always eager for the next episode. The first one that was dangerous for my sleep and my homework the way that books are dangerous — once I start I can't put it down. I started it early fall of 2016 at the beginning of my junior year of college. I remember walking around parks playing Pokémon Go and coloring a page of an adult coloring book. I believe I caught up at Memoria, which was amazing timing. Opposite of a comfort podcast. I think I've listened to seasons 1–3 twice, but since the show finished I can't listen to more than an episode without getting devastated by emotions. Second media property I've ever had a fic idea for that I really want to write.... just as soon as I can manage a relisten. Not really comparable except for that it also has a protagonist that is a diagetic narrator closely backed by an ensemble cast and a show-long plot (instead of a season-long plot), but Hi Nay is probably the fastest I've ever gone from hearing a podcast for the first time to backing it on Patreon (but it was more a replacement for The Magnus Archives in my listening schedule, turns out I need to be exercising to listen to horror).

Friends at the Table: An actual play podcast that ruined me for actual play podcasts. Started listening in 2017 after I needed to temporarily withdraw from school due to my health collapsing causing me to fail classes. I had been listening to The Adventure Zone, but I actually started it because so many amazing Wolf 359 fan artists and fic writers were making art and fic for F@tT and I just had to know what that was about. I caught up just in time to start with Spring in Hieron. Due to my personal audio issues, I often have no idea what's going on in the sci-fi seasons, but that hasn't stopped me from crying because of it anyways. I can give personalized recommended starting points if I know someone, but in general I'm a big advocate for starting with the very first episode. My favorite season is probably still Autumn in Hieron, despite the audio quality. The moment when an interpretation of a roll from a player caused the pirates to become undead pirates was probably the moment when I got excited about wanting to play tabletop roleplaying games myself. Since I found it I've bounced off of every single actual play podcast I've tried listening to, until a few months ago when I started the Ruin's Gate season of The Unexplored Places. Ruin's Gate has the distinction of being the first time I've been able to track what the rolls of a Forged in the Dark game mean from a narrative perspective instead of just a mechanics perspective.

—Mod Nic

[luxgalador]

Can I ask, how did you come to find your name? (I love it btw!)

so i'd always admired the name Lux, from Latin meaning "light." there was a couple people online that i'd followed that went by Lux or Luxie. i just liked the name a whole lot.

flash forward to me, a certified Splatoon 2 for the Nintendo Switch Entertainment System sweat, a real bastard of a gamer girl, an ancient entity nearing 30 years of age shitting on children (in game), yet frustrated with the low quality of play in a solo queue environment.

wanting to ease the stress and pressure, i made an alt account where rank didn't matter to me so i could just play the game without concern for my stats and work on my mechanics (the splatoon children do not slow down, they must be shit upon [in game] so i must keep up as their elder, especially the japanese children they are the final boss of splatoon gameplay).

i thought, "well let's have fun here and make the inkling on this account into an OC of sorts" because who doesn't love a good character creation and in splatoon putting clothes on your little guy is part of it. so i named her Lux since i was sweet on that name already. i got really attached to this OC like instantly, like i'm talking INSTA-PACK-BOND type vibe with a squid child made of pixels on a game console. i thought to myself, "that's interesting" and continued grinding the account out of low rank.

i assumed the story would end there, that i'd just game and have this cute little inkling OC and maybe eventually would commission some cute art of her (aside: the splatoon community is filled with immensely talented artists and creatives of all sorts, so not only is it a great game [with a new title coming out in about a month], it has a thriving and lovely global community).

READER, THE STORY DID NOT END THERE

i had a dream where Lux was actually my name, and in this dream i was further along in my transition (was they/themming at the time and settled into an androgynous aesthetic) and i was happy. i woke up, decided to receive that message, and started trying Lux out in my discord server and on twitch. 1 week later it was changed everywhere including at work and within my family.

a very common trans experience is an extremely clear hindsight. for years, i settled in a nonbinary/bi+ queer identity because i felt undoubtedly queer but there was a large part of myself that didn't feel like i was "allowed" to truly have what i wanted. this extended beyond identity. i had internalized very young this notion that the way to survive is to ask for and impact others as little as possible, to not make waves. my entire life, if asked, i would tell you that i would've "rather been born a woman." but that didn't clarify to me that i was just, in fact, a woman until like 6 months ago.

6 months ago.

i was an outspoken queer advocate to an audience of thousands in my heyday on youtube. i had shed my cis identity in 2016. i had literally been medically transitioning with feminine hormones since summer 2019 (3 years coming up on that btw). but it wasn't until 6 months ago that i allowed myself to speak the words "i am a woman. i am a lesbian."

truth be told, i was holding back this dam my whole life. because my river would intersect with others, would siphon water from the lake above. if i were to let my river flow (at least in my mind), i would be taking water from others. it's less important for me to thrive than it is for my family, workplace, really any institution i'm a part of to survive. that's how my body and brain reacted to stressors and trauma as a little. obviously that's not how nature works.

each seismic shift in my identity represented a piece of that dam breaking off, allowing some of the water to flow. coming out as queer in 2013, not cis in 2016, each pronoun change and transition step, the name change in spring 2021. all those holes in the dam made the structure weaker, until it broke early this year while i was emerging from a dark place at the end of my time in los angeles.

Lux was there all along. she was there in Connor's body of work, who took her pain and turned it around towards helping people through her videos. she was there at her jobs, in her relationships. the light was there. it took a bit for her to turn that light towards herself entirely, but she did it.

i did it.

my name represents an imagery and an intent to how i want to walk through this world and how i want to undertake projects and goals. how i want to treat others. all of it with love. all of it with light.

thanks for asking this.

[pedropascalunofficial]

Pedro Pascal and Lena Headey

Head to head interview

Hunger Magazine, Issue 6. Released December 28, 2014. Photoshoot October 15, 2013.

Thirteen million. That's the number of people, on average, who tuned into each episode of the third season of Game of Thrones. Among them was Chilean actor Pedro Pascal, who was as enthralled by the sex and slaughter as the rest of us. But little did he know that within a few months he'd be pitching up on the shores of Belfast to join the cast as Oberyn Martell, affectionately known as the Red Viper. Sound ominous? It is. The Red Viper is GoTs newest anti-hero, “sexy and charming but driven by hate”. Sounds like he'll be right at home.

Pedro, on the other hand, though he looks good on paper, wasn't the obvious choice for the role. Expecting a big name to ride into King’s Landing, the show's fans took to forums to express their concerns as soon as the news broke. So is he worried? Like hell he is. “The fans had the part cast in their minds already. They knew who they wanted and it certainly was not me. But I'm not stupid, | presumed that people were going to say ‘who the fuck is this guy’. Since I anticipated the reaction it didn't throw me off.”

“There are so many different ways to go into battle with yourself when you're trying to get a job. I felt a certain amount of pressure because I wanted to make everyone happy. The fan base is so specific and, as a fan myself, I understand the relationship that they have with the show. The Red Viper is the best part I've ever played, and in season four shocks come at the most unexpected times. You might think you know, but you have no idea,” he explains.

Looks like the Red Viper could be in line to fill a Walter-White-sized-hole in television, but to test the theory we pit Pascal against Lena Headey, aka the Queen. Because if you can come away from Cersei unscathed, you can handle anything.

LH: So, Pedro, you come into Game of Thrones in season four, playing a pretty major character. Does that fill you with joy or dread?

PP: I'd say it fills me with joy because it’s a really fucking fun part. He’s a badass. He comes up against a lot of the main characters in the show. I'm very aware of the show. I watch it like a fan.

LH: Were you a fan before you arrived in Belfast?

PP: Yeah, I was a proper fan. I was caught up in the drama of it before I even auditioned for the part. I was already up to speed.

LH: I remember meeting you and thinking, “he fucking loves the show’.

PP: I kissed your ass.

LH: Well, it worked. We're friends now.

PP: I was like a tourist visiting the set, and yet I had to act with you and be in a scene with the characters that I had such a specific association with already.

LH: So you’re saying it’s boring?

PP: No, it wasn’t boring at all. It was extremely, relentlessly surreal.

LH: And who were your favourite characters up until that point?

PP: Not you.

LH: I realise that!

PP: There are too many characters to have a favourite, but I was fascinated by the Lannisters because they're so frightening. They scared me and then you would come in and pull sympathy from your audience somehow, and I found that rather fascinating. The Northerners were so easy to like or get behind, but it was quite something to see people sympathise with a Lannister, after you made people see things from their perspective.

LH: Speaking of being slightly ambiguous as a character, you come in as a major player and a very well-loved character in the eyes of people who read the books, and he’s somewhat of an anti-hero. Did you base him on anyone?

PP: What does an anti-hero mean exactly?

LH: It means he doesn't wear deodorant, doesn't it? [Laughs]. Someone you shouldn't champion, but you do, like Walter White in Breaking Bad.

PP: No, | didn’t really base him on anyone.

LH: Did you take anything from classic movies that you thought you could use and spin to your advantage playing the Red Viper?

PP: God, that’s a good question. I probably did subconsciously. Now I feel under the spotlight because I need to think of somebody, and I have so many in my mind! I think that’s something that is happening a lot in TV today: the anti-heroes are central to these television shows, and people are really getting behind them, even though they're not necessarily the most moral characters. So I'd say that ‘ve become more familiar with the character who's obviously very flawed but gets you on their side — you have complicated feelings about them. But I think I saw the story too much from this character's perspective to perceive any flaws.

LH: He has some.

PP: I know, from the outside. But I don't see any of them. What are his flaws?

LH: His flaws? He's a dirty bastard!

PP: Why is he a dirty bastard? He likes to fucking fight, for sure.

LH: Back to you as an actor. You've done it for a long time and, as we all know, the path is not always golden, and sometimes you think, “fuck it” and you want to leave it and do something else. Have there been moments where you wanted to give up?

PP: Yes, there have been moments where I came very close to giving up. But I never had anything to fall back on. I think you can understand that.

LH: Because were stupid?

PP: We're stupid.

LH: I can't even make pizza!

PP: We don’t have any other skills.

LH: None at all!

PP: And that’s the odd conundrum. You get to a point where you think, “This isn’t going to happen. This isn’t sustainable. I'm too exhausted, and it can't be good for me.” There were moments where I truly did try to formulate an idea of what I'd do. I thought I'd go back to school, start pre-med again and go to medical school or something like that.

LH: But that didn't happen, you just thought about it?

PP: Yes, I'd have thoughts, but it was still fantasy really. But at the time it felt like a practical life plan. Do you know what I mean?

LH: Yeah of course, you need to pay the fucking rent.

PP: Exactly. You just try to escape from the chaos of what you're feeling by trying to create order in your life. Order seems like a solution to save you from the pain of acting!

LH: It's a mental pain. Who was the first person you called when you got the role?

PP: My sister.

LH: Does she watch the show?

PP: Yes, she does.

LH: Pedro Pascal... or Pablo as I called you when I had too much wine, which was deeply insulting.

PP: Even family members have done that to me! Do I look more like a Pablo? Because it happens with about ninety-five percent of the people I meet.

LH: No, I think I’m just an ignorant drunk person.

PP: No, you were an ignorant drunk person that night is what you're saying.

LH: And now I’m educated.

PP: [Whispers] But | want you to call me Pablo.

LH: Ok, Pablo! When you first arrived on set in Northern Ireland, what was your feeling showing up to a bunch of British actors? Did it feel different to doing an American project?

PP: Yes, but I loved it. It wasn’t intimidating. I found it surreal because I’d watched and loved the show. I hadn't had the opportunity to work on something that I was really familiar with before, so it was overwhelming. But it was far more delightful than intimidating. Also you guys were really cool. Everyone was friendly.

LH: Oh, that’s just fake.

PP: Well, you guys were good at it!

LH: We know Game of Thrones is very popular obviously. Do you have any thoughts, or fears, about what this is going to bring you in terms of exposure?

PP: I have hope.

LH: Oh, God. I don’t mean to shatter that, but give it up.

PP: I don’t know really. It’s all been filmed, and now I'm back to my normal routine, so I haven't really thought about it. I remember when we finished filming and we were on our way to the airport, you asked me, “How does it feel you're all done?” and I couldn't really answer.

LH: You were quite emotional that day.

PP: I was very emotional because I’d had such an amazing time doing the part. Also just being there immersed in the experience... You described it to me best. You told me how I'd be feeling.

LH: We don't know your character's backstory when you enter the show, and you have some rather brutal scenes. Anyone who has read the books will know what I’m talking about.

PP: My character comes in, he stirs a bunch of shit up, and then he makes this fucking enormous exit. Now can | ask you a question?

LH: What is it? I’m not going to sleep with you. Give it up.

PP: Oh, come on! This has gone to shit and it’s your fault, so good luck to whoever has to edit it! But anyway, sometimes I'd hang out with the cast members and we'd go to dinner and they would get stopped constantly. There was no denying who they played because they were so recognisable, but you got away with it because you have this beautiful blonde wig on in the show, and in real life you are...

LH: Grey?

PP: {Laughs] No! You have beautiful chestnut hair! Is it liberating to not be recognised the way some of the other cast members are?

LH: Yes, it is liberating.

PP: Liberating being able to walk down an alley in Dubrovnik without being stopped?

LH: Yes, except sometimes | get recognised in the weirdest places. A woman was emptying my bag at Heathrow Airport's security gates and just went, “Are you the Queen?” while rummaging through my underwear. It was so fucking weird.

PP: It seems they're more respectful to you?

LH: Because they're frightened. Wait until they meet the Viper.

PP: Well, that covers it.

LH: I think we're going to get our own show out of this, you know

Interested in learning more about Pedro? Check out Pedro Pascal Unofficial on Pinterest!

[jarigendut]

An ode to the playlist of my life

Note: The content of this post is based on personal experiences with some strong sentences. Read with caution.

For people whose escape method is modern entertainment, when the weather is just perfect, we encounter a story that hits too close to home and stays right by the heart, in a frequency tuned to our steps.

Years ago, when I spent my days in a boarding house for university, Reply 1994 (tvN, 2013) was that story for me. Messy romance aside, Shinchon Boarding House was full of people like me: excited, lost, scared, frustrated, wounded, but slowly crawled their way forward.

Years after, as I graduated and started working, Hospital Playlist (tvN, 2020) is the new champion.

I hope that, to you, I will become A perfect piece of memory like a sunset And will remain without regrets like a picture Oh that reminds you of our precious green days

To be frank, I did not know much about what my life would be like when I first chose medicine as my major. Then reality hit. From internship to real work, currently an ER doctor. I deal with people who think they are entitled to everything fast because they have money, people who are unable to do anything because they have no money, people who think too highly of their titles, people who talk tons but do nothing, people who only hear what they want to hear, people who don't really care working together, or people who look at me like I am a salesperson for drugs and medical tools. Contradictory needs and goals. Limited resources. Language barriers, which end up in misunderstandings. Replacing lunch with antacids because there is no time. Asking questions like, "Do I really need to smile even when they curse at me?" at 3 AM. Double it up ever since the pandemic hits as everyone looks at COVID like it's a conspiracy created by healthcare workers to fill our pockets. I 'work' even when I'm not at work. Then residency in neurology for four years if I'm good enough to pass the exams this month, with similar stuff repeating every day until I retire.

I wonder what Hospital Playlist looks like to non-healthcare professionals. I often stare at the series in disbelief. How lucky are the twin interns for having such great residents and professors to tail around. How lucky is that student who mistakenly shaved a patient's head for receiving such understanding from the patient and his family. How lucky is that foreigner with brain hemorrhage for getting support from the hospital's daddy-long-legs for his surgery and treatment, knowing that it may take weeks for him to recover. How lucky it is to have higher-ups in management who seem to be generally kind human beings. How lucky it is to work in a hospital that looks as comfy as a 5-star hotel connected to a mall. At least we have those nice things in fantasy.

On the other side, the life of the residents is something I'm very familiar with. What do people feel when resident Seok Min explains stuff like a robot? When Jae Hak shares how he gets on his knees to get his patient to accept treatment just to save him his job, looking obviously miserable and disgusting as he does it? When he breaks down in front of some fruits with a thank-you note? When life still gives him more lemons with being scammed whatsoever and he still has to stay professional? When Min Ha is at her limit handling her patients and covering for her MIA coworker? When her patient constantly calls for her, yells at her, gets into a complicated medical situation, and still has to keep her shit together to save two lives when she can barely stay awake? When her professor acknowledges her struggles and her efforts? And then to see how those little "thank you"s and "you did your best"s at the end literally pull them back to sanity, to keep their lives going no matter how hard it is?

I feel like an orange being peeled open and squeezed dry at those moments.

I'm complaining, yes. Even though I should not, since this is the consequence of choosing the major in the first place. Even if I didn't know better, it was still my choice. Alas, as Namjoon said:

I run faster than those dark clouds I thought that’d make it alright But, it turns out I’m just a mere human

To round up my misery, Hospital Playlist shows me the life I have always dreamed about. Waking up every day to a job I can do well and generally enjoy, hanging out with my friends at a restaurant when I get off work, going for karaoke or play games together when we are free, setting time away or buying things for myself, dating or divorcing when I want to, singing alone at church or wherever as I like, getting myself checked and treated when I'm sick - in short, finding that balance between the human me and the professional me. Chae Song Hwa embodies so many traits I wish to have when I'm in my 40s or 50s. Her gang reminds me of my group of (close?) friends from uni time who I only see through our group chats. It's hard not to be envious. I mean, look at Kim Jun Wan slicing Song Hwa's ex with his eyes because the latter thinks a man and a woman can't be true friends. Can my friends and I last through another 10 or 20 years? If I lose them, will I find someone else like that? The world on screen is fantasy, so I begin to wonder whether it is actually possible to reach that point in reality.

To me, who is going to wear this white coat and title and carry my kind of personal baggage for the rest of my life, Hospital Playlist is beautifully brutal. It is unbearable like a mirror at times, but it gets me regardless. So here I am, waiting for another ride with Shin Won Ho PD-nim and his gang starting tomorrow. It sounds strange to hope for another beautifully brutal story, so let's just say that I'm looking forward to spending my days with such a warm, comforting show as we all deal with the highs and lows of life.