#now it becomes half rant half love letter

[sophiethewitch1]

What We Want - Chpt. 7 - Black N' White Knight

In Which A Romantic Breaks The Universe

(Yandere!batboys x f!reader) 18+ MDNI!

SUMMARY

Another lonely birthday, another empty year. You miss your family. You're late for your bills and rent, and even then, you got robbed last Tuesday.

Still, you buy yourself a cupcake, because you need it. I mean, hey. What's dessert for if not to get over cheating boyfriends and dead relatives?

As you blow out the candle, watching the clock switch from 11:59 pm to midnight of the next day, you make a wish.

And because the world doesn't like to make much sense, it comes true. Your life is suddenly flipped on a dime, and you're stuck trying to catch up with it. Fantasy becomes reality. You're a Wayne now, apparently. Or you used to be. You're loved, you're rich, you're talented and powerful.

Well, sort of. Careful what you wish for, right?

(TRIGGER WARNINGS AND MASTERLIST HERE)

PREV - NEXT

“I can’t believe that just happened,” Dick tells Tim, hand carting through his hair. The two of them are in the kitchen, at the breakfast bar. Tim sitting in front of his laptop with his legs crossed, and Dick tapping one foot agitatedly against the marble floor. While Tim might not be grinning ear to ear, it’s pretty obvious for anyone who knows him that he’s delighted by the tale Dick just regaled to him.

And what a tale it was. He hasn’t seen you in a year and a half, and then when he does, he finds you teary eyed staring at a picture of him shirtless at the gym. Bruce had always told him the way he played with the paparazzi would come to bite him in the ass one day, but he really can’t say he expected… that.

Obviously, it had to be a prank. That’s his first thought. That’s his only thought, really. What other explanation could there be? An accident? Maybe you’d forgotten what his room looked like. It wasn’t like he kept much personal stuff in his Wayne manor room, the only markers his clothes and the letters he kept in his drawer from his parents.

And you were wearing his clothes, of all things. He’d be surprised if you forgot how much of a Superman fanboy he was, seeing as he’d spent many hours ranting to you before the explosion. So, a prank. A show of good will, an olive branch maybe? It was more likely you were just fucking with his head, as you’d done in the past. Never like this, though.

This was just… bizarre.

“I can’t either,” and of course, Tim sounds near estatic saying that. The love of chaos ran true in that one.

Dick had managed to wrangle his life under control a few years back, and despite the universe seeming to try to unravel it at the seams, he was indisposed to let it simply happen. Even if you of all people had changed. No, Dick was getting older, and he was finding his taste for chaos a lot more… limited.

He didn’t want to suffer it’s affects. He was currently suffering it’s affects.

“I knew something was going on when she showed up to the party, but this…” Tim pauses, leaning back in his chair, “It’s gotta be a prank, right?”

It said a lot about their family that this was all the assumption they defaulted to.

“It could be something else. Did you even take her to the hospital after?” Dick offers instead, overthinking as always. This situation seemed to be made for overthinking, though.

Tim hums. “No, we did not.”

Then he turns his stare to Dick, like he’s expecting something from him.

“Seriously?”

“What? You’re the friendly one.”

Dick very much did his best to seem like the friendly one, at least. Tim was well aware it was a complete farce, though. Dick was nice but he could also be a bit… well… a bit of a dick. Another thing he’d been trying to overcome. He was doing better than when he’d been seven, at least.

Dick sighs, pressing his hand to his forehead, “I’d probably just end up accidentally nagging her, and then she’d never speak to me again.”

“That’s not my problem,” Tim shrugs, glancing back down at his laptop and squinting.

“It is, actually. Because if she stopped talking to me you’d probably be the next one till the girls and Duke came home who has to talk to her.”

“She could talk to Jay,” Tim offers, because he’s a shithead. Dick bets he did the same with Bruce, “And besides, I’m busy doing surveillance.”

“You mean stalking.”

“I do it to everybody, stop making such a big deal out of it.”

Dick sighs again.

“Hm, you might want to check your phone,” Tim says, in a way that suggests he has once again tapped the network. Keeping him out of Dick’s private life was like Sisyphus and his boulder. He still wasn't going to give up, and the time Tim and Steph mercilessly bullied him for getting dumped over text had made him all the more so.

‘Dont_try’: hey. can you come pick me up? thx

“Please, tell me you sent that and are just messing with me,” Dick begs, staring down at his phone in mild despair. Chaos. Always fucking chaos. Despite how hard he tried, he could not keep his family out of trouble. God damn it, when he’d gotten this job he’d been the one made for trouble. Where did he go wrong?

“Honestly, sounds like the sort of thing I’d do, but the girl just got bitch slapped so I really think you should respond fast.”

“What?!”

“She’s fine now, run to the bathrooms I think. You know for such an upstate place you’d think they had better camera positioning,” Tim mutters, complaining that he can’t watch every single little movement you make. Dick thinks he should probably worry about this, as it’s a clear sign of another decline for his sanity, but he’s now got this shit to deal with.

“Why, Tim? What is going on? Just tell me what’s going on.”

“Hm?” he’s engrossed by the computer, “Ah, the shitty boyfriend… some soup- ha, how is she such a clutz? Maybe we should get her head checked again- and… an altercation of some kind? I don’t know, I can’t see it properly.”

Dick leans forward in his stool, clasped hands covering his face for a moment.

“Are you going to reply? If you don’t soon, she’ll probably make it a bigger shitshow,” Tim says, nudging his foot against Dick’s. Dick, good big brother that he is, takes a deep breath and steadies himself. Even if this is really not what he wanted for his holiday, he’s dealt with much, much worse.

The press will have forgotten about this within the week. You, however, likely not. He’d promised to help you all those years ago, and even if he had no idea why you were reaching out to him, or if you would even be amicable when you met again, he’d still damn well do it.

He glances back down at his phone.

“What is going on?” Dick repeats to himself, and Tim’s head cocks to the side. There’s that familiar cat that got the cream grin spreading across his younger brother’s face, and it just really isn’t welcome right now.

“Intrigued yet?”

Unfortunately for both him, Tim and especially you, Dick already was.

He’s in his car in five minutes flat, finger tapping against the premium leather wheel. The sound of it is the only thing that manages to keep him sane.

Riding up to the place, Dick realises that no, maybe the press won’t be over this within the week. Considering the amount of paparazzi swarming the place, he doubted you’d be free for at least a few months. To be fair, the mysterious ex-wayne making such a scene was a bit of a big deal. Before you’d been basically invisible, despite your immense wealth and past.

Invisible? Dick thinks he spots at least twenty cameras. And that’s not even mentioning all the phones inside that would’ve gotten up close videos of whatever happened. Their legal team would handle it fine, that which Barbara or Tim couldn’t wipe from the face of the earth. And that was very little, all things considered.

Dick has to push past the calls of his name, ignoring all the intrusive questions volleyed his way like the pro he was. He still makes sure to listen carefully and store away every vital bit of information, as well as remember the logos on the film crew’s van. Eventually he makes his way to the front of the line, and the flustered front of house immediately recognises his face and sweeps him inside. Dick ducks in with a thankful smile, which he admits, falters when he enters the scene.

A scene which you are not in. Your gold digging boyfriend was, though. Of all the things Dick regrets with you, it’s not breaking the horrid relationship the two of you had apart. Or well, the fact that you totally, loudly hated his guts. He was a sensitive guy, y’know!

He sees your terribly boyfriend - George, Dick remembers - raging at some poor servers, and he knows he need to go sweep in and save the pour soul. It’ll be a hard fight, he can already tell.

Before he does so, he sends a quick text to his phone.

Underwear_guy: Where are you?

Don’t_try: I’ll be right out.

Shockingly, that was the truth. You come striding into the restaurant, and immediately all eyes are on you. It makes you stutter-step. Dick can see you visibly stiffen up, before you manage to gather your courage and keep walking. You don’t even pay him a single glance as you walk straight towards your fuming boyfriend.

You try to whisper, keeping your voice quiet and your conversation private. The boyfriend seems uninterested in the idea.

“What the fuck are you thinking?!” he cuts you off.

You glance around, and then say something else. It seems like you’re trying to defuse the situation, but George seems uninterested by the idea. 

“This behaviour is ridiculous. You need to get it together, we’re in public!” he yells, like he isn’t the one causing a scene. He seems to be trying to intimidate you back into silence. But today and well, yesterday too, something is different about you.

Okay, that’s enough of that. Dick’s intervening.

“You cheated on me! You deserve it and everything that’s coming to you!”

Or, uh, maybe you’ve got it covered.

-

George’s shocked face is almost worse than when you literally bit him. Guess he expected you to be a bit more demure after that encounter. He should know better, the other version of you seemed to have been even more spiteful in nature.

Today again, you prove you are a less than stellar person. You’d stopped caring about George as soon as you’d discovered he’d cheated, but you were still angry. Not jealous, but furious. Bubbling up your throat, rage and bile and the urge to attack him once again, even if you just want to go home.

Your teeth grind. Your jaw ticks. And oddly, you realise you have a real taste for George Lancaster’s limbs.

Though your life had changed (literally) in the past few days, you were still the same girl from your first twenty-first. You wanted George Lancaster to suffer. Even more so, now that the evil cunt had hit you right in the face. The hit had stunned you, though. More emotionally than physically, but it had shocked you.

You couldn’t say you were a coward. You’d spent far too many days in your teenage years indulging in self-destructive behaviours to think that. But something about this pathetic man was scaring the shit out of you. You think that made you more pathetic, but you couldn’t quite tell. That’d be victim blaming, right?

You did have a habit of blaming yourself. It was just usually your fault.

…Maybe you shouldn’t have bit him, no matter how much the response was instinctual or his screech was satisfying. This was all too confusing, all too much. You needed to get back to your apartment, lock the doors and barricade them so nobody bothers you. And then maybe hibernate for a week. You needed some time to process all the stupid bullshit you were experiencing. The wayne manor was too much, your horrible white apartment was too much, George fucking Lancaster was too fucking god damn much.

You take a deep breath, and manage to stop yourself from bolting like a deer. Deal with the problem at hand. Deal with it now, deal with it!

“I’m leaving, and we are done. It’s that simple,” you tell George, trying to drill in a message that he seems unable to comprehend. At this point you’d assume he’d be trying to apologise, manipulate back into his good graces, but you think you might’ve completely broke him. Broke the script.

Good. That was damn well good.

“Can we talk about this somewhere else at least?” George replies, eyes flicking to Richard Grayson’s angry gaze. At least you think he’s angry. You can’t quite gather the courage to look directly at him.

Also, there’s the manipulation! You wish you weren’t right this time.

“Sure, but I’m bringing him, and my answer will absolutely not change. You hit me.”

“You bit me!”

Well, yeah, not your best moment. You don’t think you can regret it, though.

“Then I think this relationship is ending on equal terms,” you reply, trying your best to just get him to quit it. It is obviously not working by the way his expression darkens.

“I’ll tell the press everything,” George threatens, which, well, is sort of a shitty threat because I don’t even know what he’s threatening. ‘Everything’? Couldn’t he be a bit more specific?

You shrug. It is the wrong response, you know it is, but you’ve completely ran dry of fucks to give. Couldn’t be much worse than the bullshit happening right now. The press were already very well fed, considering the situation that was today. George makes a small sound of fury.

“We’ll sue,” Richard Grayson, the white knight that you’d daydreamed about, comes to your rescue. Is it odd that it’s kind of flustering? You probably shouldn’t be flustered.

George immediately snaps his gaze to Grayson’s, giving the man a look with a healthy dose of fear. Couldn’t blame the guy. Even if he was the second smallest of the three remaining brothers, he was still well known for being strong. His family often did kick-boxing, and their sister, Cass, often whooped their asses. It was sort of satisfying to watch. Anyway, his physical prowess from fighting to weirdo gymnastic bullshit was evident in his svelte build.

George was many things, but he wasn’t an idiot. With just the one threat from the Waynes legal team, he skitters away like the little rat you know him to be. He leaves the restaurant, and he very obviously does not pay or even leave a tip. You suppose you have the cash to make up for it. Then, ignoring the paparazzi, you were technically home free. You glance to the side. Richard Grayson’s beautiful face looks a mix of confuddled, frustrated, and exhausted. He still saved you, though, even after the fool you made of yourself.

White knight, indeed. It almost feels a bit anticlimactic, but it’s the results you wanted. And yet, an ominous feeling befalls you. Somehow, you don’t feel you’ve seen the last of George Lancaster. You just really hope the old you hadn’t committed any crimes. A tabloid? Humiliating, but livable. Prison? Not so much.

Not that the rich stayed in prison in Gotham, or even the rest of the world. It was kind of strange to realise you were sort of above the law now.

You glance at Dick, pulling your uncomfortably wet shirt away from your chest. You’ve sort of been bled dry of any shits you could give at this point, so you decide, very maturely, to make jokes and ignore all your problems. It had gotten you this far.

You’d seen this behaviour before. Many, many times. It was what usually got you fired. But now you didn’t really have to worry about that, so why should you worry about causing a scene and ruining your life a bit more? It wasn’t yours, after all.

“What do you think?” you joke, elbowing Dick. He looks down from glaring at the entrance George just slipped out of, to you. His blue eyes are a damn near shock to the soul. It takes everything in you not to start fidgeting.

“Think of what?” he responds, and despite how hard you try, you can not read his expression.

“I’m trying to make some more news. Don’t think the reporters got enough the other day,” you say, gesturing to the giant stain. It’s still Dick’s shirt. You hadn’t realised till now, but the Beatles was now some sort of green soup. Is it kind of gross of you to acknowledge that at least the soup smelled good?

Probably. You didn’t actually get to eat anything here. It’s also probably a bit weird that you’re thinking about eating at a time like this. Probably.

“I think you’ve done enough, honestly,” he says, glancing at the camera flashes from outside.

He sounds exactly like your mother, it’s almost uncanny. Well, this version of him technically knew her. You’re still not sure how well en-meshed your two families had been before the disaster, but maybe he’d picked up some traits from her.

…That… you’re not sure how to feel about the idea. The old green monster bubbles up at the thought, and you can’t tell if you’re jealous your mum got to meet Dick Grayson, or that Dick Grayson might’ve gotten to know your mum.

“We should leave,” he says, cutting off your bitter inner thoughts, “I know you don’t like it when the magazines bother you.”

You don’t? You don’t. Yes, that makes sense, ‘you’ definitely wouldn’t have. And it’s not like you feel comfortable with them either. In fact, if you think about the fact your drowned rat appearance will be on every tabloid in the city by tomorrow, probably alongside photos from your birthday, you feel so nauseous you could collapse. Going to compartmentalise that one.

“Yes, going, let’s go,” you say, following Dick out of the restaurant.

Despite the fact that the security guards are trying their best, it’s getting quite rowdy out here. When Dick wraps an arm around your shoulder, shielding you with his body, you almost just pass out right there. His muscles… Your heart simply can’t take it. As it is, Dick notices you jump like a foot in the air, and backs off. He still makes sure to try and protect you from their vision as much as possible.

Still, in an act that is purely rebellious, you turn and give them a big smile and a wave. Even as you hate every single person on the other side of the divide, you want to make one thing very clear. You will not be cowed by someone like George fucking Lancaster. Your peace sign and wink are a message to them, to him, and to yourself.

Despite the fact that this new life is one you have no idea how to handle, you know one thing. Put on a face, and it’ll always be easier.

Dick is probably wondering what the hell happened to you for you to be acting this way. Your shirt has a giant stain on it, you just broke up with your cheating boyfriend, went through a traumatising experience just a few days ago, and you’ve got the biggest grin on your face. This behaviour speaks more and more of a full blown mental breakdown. And it’s not the first you’ve had or the last.

There’s paparazzi snapping thousands of photos of the two of you, and instead of shying away as ‘you’ used to, you throw up a peace sign. One of the papps drops their camera. That confuses you a bit, as your peace sign deflates slightly. Didn’t they want more pictures? Weren’t you supposed to pose…?

For all you stalked celebrities online, you realise you have no idea how to pretend to be one. This is going to become an issue, you can already tell.

He points at a car, and you assume it’s his because he starts making his way over. He’s obviously done this sort of thing before, using and guiding the security with a smooth confidence. Even still, the two of you are a bit too close for comfort.

Which you prove, by putting your foot directly in your mouth.

“I don’t have abs, but do you think the press would like my stomach like they like yours?” you say, and almost immediately regret it. Another poor joke. You are deflecting so hard. And why the hell did you bring that up, you dunce? You feel your brain cells draining the more you’re around this guy, it’s not healthy for you.

“Please don’t pull your shirt up in public,” Dick sounds like he’s about to have a mental breakdown. It’s spreading, like the plague. You’re patient zero, of course. Even still he gets you guys to the car, and opens the side door for you. You follow his wordless command and slip into the passenger seat.

“I won’t. Sorry, sorry,” you reply, to relieve him of some of the trauma you’re currently inflicting.

He glances back to the papps, and then back down at you. His smile bowls you over like he’s getting the last strike in a fucking 300. He genuinely is the most beautiful human being you’ve ever seen. Thankfully, he closes the door so you have a moment to gather your sanity before he goes around the car and gets in the driver’s seat.

You hope you’re subtle when you shift away from him slightly. It shouldn’t be that surprising really. You were stupid on average. You would be stupider around attractive people. You would be frankly disastrous around someone as blastingly hot as Dick Grayson. The Waynes in general turned you into a drooling idiot.

Good god, you need to get out of this car. As soon as you think that, Dick is pulling away from the parking spot and out onto the streets. He makes slow progress because Gotham traffic, but eventually you manage to flee the horrifying stares of the cameras. Already you can tell it’ll be giving you nightmares. Probably along with images of the guy who tried to rape you and Damian Wayne sneering at you.

“So, how are you feeling?”

Despite how you wish it not, Mr. Grayson decides he’s going to start a conversation with you.

“Good,” you reply, the answer instinctive and an obvious lie.

You can feel his gaze on the side of your face, but you don’t dare return it.

“That’s good to hear,” he says, and his voice is gentle. Sort of infantilising if you’ll be honest.

While it is very clear to anyone who looks at you that you have no idea what you’re doing, you’d rather he didn’t bring it up. You’ll figure it out. You’ve always managed to figure it out. This is what you get for asking for help. Really, despite your momentary panic you could’ve taken George. Probably not physically, but…

“You can talk to me if you want, you know?”

“Can you stop the car, please?” you respond, when that question immediately activates your fight or flight response. Dick must notice something about you, because he quickly shoots forward and into a momentarily available parking spot.

You scramble with the door, shoving your way back out onto the asphalt. The immediate distinct smell of Gotham, even Gotham’s richer districts, calms you down. Sewage, the ocean, and the ever present smoke and fog.

Fuck’s sake. You aren’t making yourself look anymore well put together.

Clearing your throat, you turn and find Richard Grayson coming around the car hood towards you. There’s a worried look in his eyes, and you really don’t know how to deal with it. It’s like you made a deal with the devil. By getting rid of George, you’d gotten a new problem - and an infinitely more complicated one.

Shit, you need to stop making rash decisions when you’re having panic attacks. You’d say you should probably try and stop having panic attacks entirely, but you don’t really know how to do that.

The sound of your name has you snapping back to attention. Dick looks even more worried.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” he asks, taking a few slow steps towards you. Again, infantilizing. Like you’re a wild animal about to run. Wait, weren’t you just comparing yourself to a chihuahua? Well, it’s not the same when other people do it.

“I’d like to take a walk,” you say, hand scrunching into your pyjama pants, “Alone, I’d like some time alone.”

“…In that?” He glances down at the stain that is slowly starting to dry. It’s making your skin itchy, but at least it’s not as cold.

“I can buy something,” you say, remembering one of the apps on your phone was connected to your bank account, which you had to assume was pretty full. It’s kind of stupid that you haven’t checked that yet.

You’re starting to feel a bit defensive towards your own intelligence. Maybe it’s because you seemingly keep making all the worst decisions.

Dick doesn’t make it any better.

“Do you have cash on you?” he asks, showing how little faith he has in your general abilities to survive as an adult in Gotham.

“I do, I’ll be fine,” you insist, because god damn it, you will be. You just need a fucking minute.

You ran from the Wayne manor because you felt like you were being watched, and then as soon as you showed up at the world’s most uncomfortable apartment, the haunting wraith known as George dragged you out in your P.J.s. You could figure it the fuck out, if these people would give you some fucking space.

Richard Grayson seems to realise that you’re getting upset, because he goes quiet for a moment. After staring at you for a moment longer, for which you manage to find the courage to maintain eye contact through pure stubborn will, he asks you one final question.

“Are you sure you don’t want a ride home or something?” he asks, still seeming so determined to help you.

His suggestion brings flashes of images of you breaking down in front of the Bruce Wayne to mind. From almost a birds eye view, you see yourself sobbing against your own ruined dress as the billionaire looked on. Bile literally jumps up your throat, and it takes a lot of willpower not to grimace at the suggestion.

“Look, Mr. Grayson, I really appreciate-”

“That’s the second time you’ve called me that.”

Once again, you feel the urge to simply sprint away from your own problems, but you manage to hold yourself still. Still, you can’t think of a solution. You can’t really think much of anything. Instead you stare at Richard Grayson with your hands threaded together and your lips pressed into a thin line.

Though you open your mouth to speak, you find you have no excuses ready or available. You’ve talked yourself into a corner already, and it’s your third day in this world. Marvellous. Maybe you should just tell the truth.

Still, the dangers outweigh the pros. They don’t know you, they don’t have any real reason to take care of you. If they believe you, they’ll toss you out onto the streets penniless. And if they don’t-

You blink. There’s a highway sign behind Dick, and it catches your attention like a lightning bolt. ‘Arkham Asylum 800 miles’. It’s white blocky letters on green panelling feels like a sign from god, warning you from the path you consider taking.

And then you realise that you might actually get sent to Arkham if you say anything, and you resolve to never tell a single soul about what has happened to you. You’ve heard enough stories about the asylum, and by god, you are not being roommates with the fucking Joker of all people.

Eventually Dick realises he’s not getting anything out of you and he sighs, shaking his head. His annoyingly perfect hair mesmerises you for a second, but you manage to wrangle your brain back under control. He really doesn’t make it easy.

“I just want to know if you’re safe. If you’re going through anything, you know we’re always happy to help-”

“Dick,” you say his name, face twisting in discomfort, “This was a… a one time thing. Usually I can handle my problems. It just… it caught me off guard. George cheating was a huge shock, and I needed someone to stand by me.”

“And you know I always will, right?”

Ah. That’s… Dick Grayson was a stranger. You didn’t know him, and more than that he did not know you. He did not know what you would do, could do. You didn’t think anyone did, not even yourself.

It’s a silly idea to expect your celebrity crush to save you, and it’s one you find you can’t stomach it at the moment. It makes you feel disgusted with yourself at the idea. It’s too indulgent, too silly. It’s very simply, not possible.

You’ve given up on relying on miracles. These lessons had been beaten into you, really. You didn’t want to have to learn them again.

Your feelings must show on your face.

Dick lets out a whoosh of air, frustration palpable. He carts his hand through his hair. It still looks perfect. The world is unfair, yadda yadda.

“You run hot and cold, you know?” he gives you a grin. It says a lot about his ability to act, seeing as it seems almost natural. Almost, being the key word.

Also, he is absolutely correct. The chihuahua effect is in full-swing. And you know what? You are probably going to continue to run hot and cold, because you’ve never made a decision in your life. He’ll just have to get used to it.

You raise your hands and shrug, in the universal ‘what-can-you-do?’ motion. He wasn’t wrong. You were being completely erratic. Not even you knew what you’d do next. At least life isn’t boring these days, right Right? You wonder who you are trying to fool, because it’s certainly not yourself.

“I’ll contact you if I need anything,” you lie, because it seems to be the right thing to end this torturous conversation, “And I’ll make sure to keep contact with Alfred. You can talk to Jeanine if you need anything, as well.”

Dick, unfortunately, calls you out on your bullshit.

“But not you, right?” he says, smile still printed on his face.

Woof. You think… you’ve hurt his feelings? Ah shit, you instantly feel like the scum of the earth. Still, you don’t know how you could fix this. Arkham is a genuine threat lingering over your shoulder, you don’t know enough about your new cut-throat billionaire world, and you can not lose any faith they have in you. Any that you have left, that is.

You’re sorry, but this is coming down to survival. And you are a greedy person, after all.

In the end, you don’t have anything to say, and Richard Grayson leaves without a word. Watching him walk towards his car, you feel… bad. Really bad. The part of you that is still crushing on this guy, a very large part of you, feels like you’ve ended the earth. The other part, the one that recognises that once again you’re going to have to fight for yourself… well, she thinks so too.

Maybe… maybe you could fix this. Apologise. Once you’ve gotten your bearings and know you’re safe and 100% financially stable, maybe you’ll figure it out. Give him his shirt back after you’ve dry-cleaned it.

For now, you give him your back as well.

MASTERLIST - NEXT

[grieferkisser]

𓎟𓎟 reader x gr13f3r　caught　 ◞ ◟

ꔛ word count: 813⠀╱⠀established relationship + teen(on senior year) griefer 。

(¬_¬")⠀⠀⠀note ⠀╱⠀tw:suggestive(sort of) + mention of protection

hi guys it's your favorite griefer lover ars!!! i love this stupid asshole smmm anyways had this idea while i was in math class lol,,more notes on the end btw

It had been a long, exhausting day for Griefer. It started with his dad anxiously yelling that he was going to be late for school, even though Griefer couldn’t have cared less. Still, his dad’s constant nagging wore him down, so he grudgingly got ready. After enduring the 15-minute walk to school, he met up with some friends and killed time before the bell rang. The first few hours of class dragged on, painfully dull, except for some gossip about a couple that made the rounds—nothing too exciting.

Recess was a slight reprieve, but it was short-lived. Griefer and his friends got into a fight, which led to yet another expulsion letter to bring home. Great. Just what he needed. Another lecture from his dad about how “Brad, you can’t keep acting like this. This isn’t who you are. You need to—” Blah, blah, blah. The familiar talk he’d heard a hundred times. The remaining three hours of school went by quickly after that, but by the time he was finally free, he was completely drained.

After school, he found a spot on the stairs and busied himself with a random game on his phone, waiting for something—someone—to make the day better. And then, there you were. The moment he saw you, his heart raced. He nervously shoved his phone into his pocket, suddenly flustered by your presence. He stood to greet you, placing a trembling hand on your waist before leaning in for a kiss. Instantly, the tension left his body, and he felt a bit more at ease.

"UH... H1, B4B3."

You and Griefer had been dating for about two months, but he had been crushing on you for four years. Even now, with you officially his, he still wasn’t used to the feeling. After some small talk and wandering around town together, you both decided to head back to his place. He casually mentioned that his dad had a meeting at city hall and wouldn’t be home until around nine. It was just you and him, alone for the evening.

Once at his house, Griefer grabbed a couple of Bloxy Colas and some snacks before leading you up to his room. He shut the door behind you both and flopped onto his bed, signaling for you to join him. The afternoon was peaceful—lazy in the best way. You chatted, played some games, and even watched a movie, which Griefer spent most of the time criticizing despite being the one who had picked it. Now, as the evening settled in, Griefer lay on the bed beside you, his arm wrapped around your waist. His hand moved gently, rhythmically, up and down, soothing you while he ranted about how bad some game was. You half-listened, enjoying the comfort of his touch.

Eventually, he turned onto his side, hesitantly moving his hand to your cheek and brushing his fingers across your skin. A few seconds later, he slid his hand to your chin, his voice soft.

"Y0U L00K G00D, Y'KN0W TH4T?"

Nervously, he leaned in, bringing your lips to his. The kiss was tender, full of care, and as his hand drifted from your waist to your thigh, pulling it onto his leg, the kiss grew sloppier, more passionate. You both broke apart for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes, before Griefer, slightly embarrassed, brought your chin back toward him, kissing you again. This time, he shifted you on top of him, his hands roaming from your waist to your hair, to your arms, exploring every inch of you. The kiss deepened, becoming more heated, and soon Griefer was sitting up with you straddling his lap, his hands running rapidly along your body.

Things were getting intense—his shirt was halfway off when—

"Hey brad,I'm hom—"

Griefer froze mid-motion, his heart nearly stopping as his dad, Mayor Thaniyel, walked into the room. The poor old guy looked like he was about to have a heart attack, seeing his son half-naked with you sitting on his lap.

"D4D!" Griefer shouted, scrambling to pull his shirt back on while his dad, wide-eyed and clearly mortified, quickly closed the door.

"I’m sorry! I didn’t know! I’m so sorry!" Mayor Thaniyel stammered from the hallway, his voice echoing as he practically sprinted away to another part of the house.

Griefer, flushed with embarrassment, immediately turned to you, apologizing repeatedly while you tried to calm him down, assuring him it was fine. After you left the house, Griefer had to endure his dad apologizing at least 20 more times before awkwardly standing beside him for what was probably the most humiliating moment of his life. His dad, after taking a deep breath, said, “Brad, we should probably talk about protection before—"

"0H MY G0D, D4D!" Griefer groaned, cutting him off mid-sentence before storming back to his room, leaving his dad standing there, red-faced and stammering for words.

grrr i love griefer,anyways!! PLS DONT TAKE THE "PROTECTION" ONLY AS LIKE,FEMALE ANATOMY PROTECTION PLS!!!! i mean it as protection in general with any gender alr...uh so erm yeah i love griefer a lot and senior year griefer sounds funny to me,i want to hold him yall

[gul4bjamoons]

✩ a heartfelt departure; 

         omar marmoush ────── 

  when a hidden football contract reveals an unsettling reality, it challenges your relationship like never before.

⭑  wordcount : three thousand eight hundred seventy-seven.

⭑  notes : this was supposed to go up earlier but rashford news had me distraught

˙⋆✮ masterlist.

Omar Marmoush had been evading this conversation as if it were a death sentence. Every time the thought of telling you crossed his mind, he batted it away—like a ball teetering on the edge of the touchline, just before it went out of bounds. He left it there, untouched, clinging to the fragile hope that somehow it might find its way back into play.

Plus, the transfer deal was not even finalized—still suspended in the ether, his agent caught up with the final negotiations. Atleast, that was the excuse he clung to, a half-truth in an attempt to justify his silence. But the truth was, the deal wasn’t the only thing suspended in the air; so was his courage.

And yet, the truth always found a way to come to life.

It hadn’t been some dramatic unraveling of secrets. No, it was simply another ordinary day, the kind that slipped quietly into the rhythm of your life. The scent of his cologne mingled with the stale traces of coffee, clinging to the apartment. The floor was a reticent battlefield—abandoned socks, crumpled notes, and the occasional stray jersey lay scattered in a trail only he knew how to navigate. You had become used to these remnants of his world, the carefully disguised chaos that bled into yours.

You had lost count of how many times you had asked him to pick up after himself, but his promises were as fleeting as his presence, always swallowed by the game. Still, he found his own way of making amends, in the form of tender gestures: a breakfast in bed served with an apologetic smile. 

In a distrait attempt to tidy up the clutter, you grab a stack of papers teetering on the edge of the table, your fingers grazing the cool metal of his open laptop. The glow of the screen bathed your skin. You hadn’t meant to look. Just to put it on charge.

But then—

Finalizing Transfer to Manchester City: Urgent Matters to Discuss.

The email screamed at you in blaring letters, though your mind refused to register them at first. A mistake—surely? 

But then the room constricted, the walls pressing in, suffocating you with reality. Your breath hitched, chest tightening as if the very air had betrayed you.

Your fingers trembled as you clicked the email, eyes darting over the words, each sentence slicing deeper. You hadn’t meant to invade his privacy, not at all. But somehow, before you could even think it through, your hands acted on their own, moving faster than your brain could catch up.

It wasn’t happening at the end of the season.

Not months from now.

Days.

The illusion of time shattered at your feet. You knew this was inevitable. It was Omar’s dream. But knowing it didn’t soften the blow of losing him.

Your pulse roared in your ears, the cursor blinking at you like a silent countdown. Urgent Matters to Discuss. As if love could be filed away in a folder between contracts and logistics. As if everything you were to him—everything he was to you—had been reduced to paperwork and negotiations.

Not love.

Not promises.

Not you.

-

You sat there, your thoughts scattered, hours slipping away unnoticed. The faint sound of keys jingling at the door snapped you out of your haze. You didn’t need to look up to know it was Omar. His presence filled the room, like it always did.

"Hey," Omar called out, his voice cheerful, ranting about his teammate. "You won’t believe what Tuta said earlier—"

He stopped mid-sentence, eyes locking onto yours. You swallowed, your mouth dry. The laptop was still open, the email glaring between you like an exposed wound.

"How long were you going to wait to tell me?" Your voice came out quieter than intended, but the weight behind it was anything but small.

"Wait—" His voice faltered. "You went through my mail?"

You shot him a look, a silent challenge, like that was the least important thing in the room right now.

A flicker of guilt crossed his face. He opened his mouth, closed it again, then sighed. "I was going to tell you."

A dry laugh escaped you—sharp, without humor. “Oh, yeah? When? On the way to the airport? After you signed? Or maybe just a text from Manchester?” 

Omar ran a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated, the tension in his shoulders like a knot you could feel from across the room. “It’s not like that.”

“Then what is it like?” Your voice rose, anger and hurt finally spilling over the edges of your restraint. “You can’t just leave me hanging, Omar.”

He exhaled sharply, stepping closer, his hand reaching out toward you like he was trying to calm a storm he’d set in motion. “I was going to tell you, I just… I needed to get everything sorted first. No point in worrying if it fell through.”

“Of course,” you snapped, the words coming fast and bitter. “You were trying to protect me. Not keep me in the dark. Not treat me like an afterthought.”

His eyes darkened, and you saw the edge of something vulnerable, something that made your heart ache despite your anger. “You are not an afterthought.”

“Then why does it feel like I am?” Your voice cracked.

A silence stretched between you, thick and overwhelming. Omar stood frozen, as if trying to gather the right words, the right explanation. 

“I thought once I told you, it would make it real.” He trailed off, swallowing. “And if it was real… then I’d have to leave. And I didn’t— I don’t want to leave you. But I couldn’t…” 

You shook your head, tears threatening to burn behind your eyes. “But you are leaving me, Omar. And I—” You choked on the words. “I know you want this, I’ve always supported you. I want it for you too. But you… you didn’t give me the chance to even process this. You made me think it would only happen in the summer, but suddenly it’s here, and you’re practically gone now. You’re leaving me, and I—”

You paused, taking a deep breath, like you were trying to hold yourself together. “I’m here, Omar. I have a life. You know I can’t just pick up and leave in an instance.”

He stepped closer, but you drew back. “No. I need space, Omar. You could have at least told me there was discussion going on between the clubs.”

His hands hovered in the air, unsure where to place them, like he couldn’t find a way to bridge the space between you. “You’re right,” he said quietly, his voice raw. “I was just so scared—terrified of you not being there with me. And I’m sorry. I really never meant to hurt you.”

“I know…” you whispered, finally turning to look at him. “I just... I need some time to process it, Omar. That’s all. Please understand.”

His eyes were soft, but the pain in them was clear as he nodded.

A tear slipping down your cheek before you quickly wiped it away. 

His heart clenched at the sight, aching to reach out, to kiss your worries away. But he knew he couldn’t—he can’t fix this with just one touch.

You pulled the door open and stepped out, a cold breeze captured your face. The door clicked shut behind you, leaving him standing in the quiet, shattered by everything you hadn’t said and everything he hadn’t given. Omar Marmoush was lost, and this time, he wasn’t sure if there was a turning back.

-

It felt like a lifetime since he had spoken to you, though it hadn’t been long at all. 

Omar had been stressed, a suffocating weight pressing on him. He knew you had been happy for him—of course you had. You loved him, and you wanted him to succeed. Especially now since the deal had been confirmed. But that didn’t erase the hurt. The sting of betrayal from finding out the way you had, left in the dark about something so huge, something that should have been shared with you. 

After giving you some space, he had tried reaching out—calls, texts, any way to make contact. But all he got were short responses, distant replies. You weren’t shutting him out completely, but you weren’t letting him back in, either. And that hollow space between him and you was becoming more unbearable with every moment that passed.

So he showed up at your door.

You had just finished tidying up when the gentle knock on the door startled you. For a moment, you froze. You weren’t expecting anyone. But then, you opened it, and there he was—Omar.

He stood there, holding a small box in his hands. The familiar scent of chocolate wafted through the crack of the door before he even spoke.

“I brought your favorite ones,” he said, his voice strained, as if the words were weighing him down. He lifted the box, offering it to you, a small, guilty smile playing on his lips. “I know it’s not enough, but… hopefully it’s a start.”

You glanced at the chocolate and then back at him. “Omar…” you whispered, your heart aching. “What are you doing here?”

He hesitated, glancing down at the box in his hands, as if it might give him the courage to say what he needed to. When he finally spoke, his voice fragile. “I’ve been a wreck without you. I know I didn’t handle things the right way. I gave you space like you asked, but… I was hoping we could talk now. If you’re okay with that, of course.” He let out a shaky breath. You nodded as you noticed his eyes flickering with regret.

“I’m sorry for keeping the transfer from you. I should’ve told you sooner. You had every right to know and deserve so much more than that.” His eyes fell to the ground for a moment before they lifted to meet yours again. “And I want to do better for you. I can’t stand this... I’ve been going insane without you.”

You let out a quiet laugh, the sound filled with both sadness and a touch of relief. “You’re not the only one losing it,” you said, shaking your head. “I’ve been going crazy too, Omar. Not knowing, not having you here like before. It���s been really hard.”

He gave you a sympathetic smile. “I hate that I hurt you. I really do. I know I messed up, but I swear, I’ll do everything I can to make it right. To prove to you that I won’t ever make that mistake again. I care about you more than anything, and I don’t want to lose you.”

You took a deep breath, holding his gaze as you stepped closer. “I love you,” you said quietly, your voice full of sincerity. “And... I never want you to do that again. We share everything, okay? No more secrets.”

Omar’s face lit up, his relief palpable. “Of course not.” He said, voice filled with both promise and gratitude. “I swear, I’ll never do that to you again.”

He took a step forward, closing the distance between you both. His eyes searched yours for any sign of doubt, but there was none. Slowly, gently, he cupped your face with his hands, and you leaned into his touch.

Without saying another word, he kissed you. It was as if the weight of the past had to be washed away in that single moment. It was everything, all at once—apology, forgiveness, love.

When he pulled away, his forehead rested against yours, and he smiled. “Every day until I leave,” he whispered, his voice low and tender. “I’m yours. All yours.”

You raised an eyebrow, teasing him, “So, you’re not mine after you leave?”

His face faltered for a second, and he quickly shook his head. “No, no... that is not what I meant” he laughed, though it was a nervous chuckle. “I’ll be yours forever.”

You grinned, still teasing. “Maybe... maybe you’ll have to get used to me being around more often. Like when my job is finished in the summer... maybe I’ll move in with you?”

He looked at you, stunned for a brief moment, before his grin widened. “Wait, what?” he exclaimed, trying to keep the surprise in check. “Are you serious?”

You nodded, your smile growing into something more intimate. “Yeah, maybe I am.”

Omar’s eyes sparkled with excitement, and cupped your face as he kissed you passionately.

-

The days in Germany blurred into one seamless memory, each moment shared between you and Omar wove into the fabric of a love that had only deepened with time. He was determined to show you, in every quiet, unspoken way, just how much you meant to him. 

Every morning, he arrived at your door with your favorite coffee, the rich aroma filling the air as he grinned, his eyes promising more than words could express. He stayed up late, not to sleep, but to listen—to hear every detail of your day, no matter how small, and to be there for you in ways you hadn’t even realized you needed. When your exhaustion weighed on you, he would create perfect evenings, dim lights and gentle music, offering you refuge in his presence. He listened and shared everything with you—his worries, his hopes, his fears—instead of retreating. Slowly, the distance that had once grown between you faded, replaced by something stronger, something irreplaceable.

And then, before you guys knew it, the final day in Germany arrived.

The morning came quietly, a hush over the world as if it, too, understood the gravity of what was about to unfold. You woke up wrapped in Omar’s arms, the warmth of him seeping into you. You held him a little tighter, not wanting to face the inevitable goodbye that was waiting just beyond the horizon. 

“Let’s make today count,” he whispered, his lips brushing your temple. 

So, you embraced the day fully, savoring every fleeting moment.

The two of you wandered through the streets of Frankfurt, his footsteps echoing on the cobblestones, as if leaving a trail of memories behind with each step.The city, this city, was a part of you both—its streets lined with memories, its corners kissed by moments of joy, love, and growth. 

You stopped at the little bakery where you had sat together after his first big win with Eintracht Frankfurt. The same corner table by the window, bathed in the soft morning light, was waiting for you. For a moment, you both sat in silence, enjoying your pastries. The past seemed to weave itself into the present with each quiet glance, every shared laugh. His fingers brushed against yours, and the world outside faded away, leaving only the two of you—together.

Later, Omar took you to the stadium. The once-thrumming heart of his life now stood silent, a giant of steel and stone, its stands empty, its seats still. He stood at the edge of the pitch, his gaze sweeping across the field as if trying to capture every last detail, imprinting it in his memory. 

"It’s strange, you know?" he said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper, as if speaking too loudly might shatter the fragile moment. “After the last game, everything felt so... surreal. The energy in the stadium, the crowd—they were alive, feeding off each other. It was the perfect ending. But now... it’s all still. Just me, this field... and the memories.”

You stood beside him, your fingers intertwined, sharing the weight of his words. “What was it like?” you questioned.

He exhaled slowly, a smile tugging at his lips but not quite reaching his eyes. “It was... everything,” he said, his voice full of nostalgia. “I couldn’t have asked for a better game, a better farewell. But now, standing here...” He trailed off, his eyes scanning the stands, taking in the emptiness, the ghosts of the past. “It feels like I’m leaving a part of myself behind. This place, these people... it’s all been so much a part of who I am. I’ll miss it, more than I thought I would.”

You squeezed his hand, stepping a little closer, your voice faint as you spoke. “You’ll carry it with you, Omar. It’s not really a goodbye.”

He looked at you then, his eyes soft with a tenderness that spoke volumes, far louder than words ever could. As you walked hand in hand around the stadium, his thumb gently brushed over your knuckles, a quiet promise in the simple touch.

Soon, you both went to a nearby restaurant where his Eintracht Frankfurt teammates had gathered around a large table. It wasn’t anything extravagant—just one of their favorite local spots—but there was a warm familiarity to it, a sense of family that filled the room and made everything feel effortlessly right.

They joked, teasing each other about the season’s highlights, recounting moments on the field with a shared fondness, each story more exaggerated than the last. Omar sat back, a soft smile on his face as he listened to the banter. It was clear how much they meant to him, these men who had been by his side through every high and low.

The table fell silent before they raised their glasses together. You could feel the depth of the bond between them—more than just football, it was family. It was simple, but you could sense the weight of it all, knowing this chapter of Omar’s life was closing, but the memories would stay with him—and with them—all forever.

-

At last, the day came to a close, and with it, the harsh weight of reality settled in, a cold, suffocating presence that pressed down on your chest like a stone.

There you were, standing at the airport, the chilly terminal around you only intensifying the heat of emotions swirling within. Your world had gone quiet just for this moment—the moment when you both knew the goodbye was inevitable. The departure gate was looming ahead, its sterile emptiness serving as the grim reminder that time was slipping away, taking him further from you with each passing second.

Omar stood beside you, his suitcase heavy at his side, but it was the grip on its handle that told you everything. It was tight, unyielding, as though he were holding onto more than just a piece of luggage. He was holding onto the life you two had built, fighting against the crushing weight of this goodbye, the uncertainty of everything that lay ahead.

“I hate this,” you whispered, your voice faltering as it left your lips,. Your heart felt like it was breaking in two, and you weren’t sure you could stand it much longer. “I hate that you have to leave.”

His gaze faltered, a sharp ache flickering in his eyes, one that mirrored the storm brewing in your chest. Without a word, he reached for your face, his fingers brushing over your cheeks.

"I know," he whispered, his voice rough, yet somehow soothing, like a balm trying to heal wounds that were too deep to mend. "But we’ll make it work. Just a few more months. After you're done with your work here, you’ll be in Manchester with me. We’ll be together again."

You nodded, though it felt more like you were acknowledging the impossibility of it all. His words, meant to comfort, barely reached you as everything inside seemed to unravel.

“Promise me we’ll be okay?” you pleaded, your voice breaking with desperation. “Promise me you won’t forget about me.”

The lump in your throat tightened, each breath becoming more ragged as you refused to let any tears slip. You needed him to promise you something—that everything would fall into place, that you wouldn’t be left standing here, caught between love and the fear of losing it.

He pressed his forehead against yours, his breath shallow, shaky. “I promise,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “I’ll call you as soon as I land.”

With one chaste kiss, you pulled away. You forced a smile, as he turned to walk toward the gate. Inside, Omar fought to hold back his own tears, his thoughts spiraling. It’s just a little while. Just a few months. he kept telling himself. But no amount of logic could ease the gnawing fear of what might happen when the distance became too much.

You stood there, watching him go, your body rooted to the spot as if it couldn’t bear to move. But eventually, you turned, your eyes scanning the terminal, trying to will yourself to walk away. Yet, as you did, a sigh escaped you, heavy with sorrow. You couldn't help but glance over your shoulder one last time. 

Funny enough, there he was—looking back at you, his face a mirror of your own sadness. His eyes locked with yours across the distance, both of you silently asking the same question.

How do we let go of something that feels like everything?

Without thinking, without a single ounce of rationality left in your body, you ran to him. Your heart was racing, faster than it had ever beaten before, and every part of you screamed to hold on, to not let him go. 

Omar’s eyes widened in shock as you reached him, and before he could say a word, you threw your arms around him, clinging to him like your life depended on it. His bag fell to the floor with a dull thud, but his arms—his arms were there, steadying you, holding you, lifting you off the ground. 

He spun you once, then twice, and for that brief moment, you felt weightless, as if the world had forgotten that you were about to say goodbye. He kissed you then, desperately, urgently, as though he, too, was afraid of losing you, afraid of what would happen when this moment was over.

“I don’t want to let go,” you choked out.

Omar’s eyes were glassy now, the pain in his gaze matching your own. “Then don’t,” he murmured, his voice barely audible over the roar of the terminal. 

His knuckles turned white as he clung to you. You buried yourself into his chest, memorizing the feel of him—his warmth, the steady beat of his heart beneath your cheek. You inhaled the scent of him, hoping to carry it with you for the months to come, wishing there was a way to freeze this moment in time, to make the clock stop ticking and let you stay here, forever, in his arms.

When he finally set you down, his forehead rested against yours, both of you breathing heavily, clinging to the last remnants of this fleeting moment. His voice, barely a whisper, cracked as he spoke. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Yeah. Soon,” you whispered back.

The announcement for his flight sliced through the air, cutting the moment short. You both exchanged one last glance, a bittersweet smile tugging at the corners of your lips as he quickly made his way to the gate. Tears slipped down your cheeks, but even with the ache in your chest, that shared look between you offered an unspoken promise—this was not the end.

A goodbye isn’t forever when love is the one thing that never fades.

© gul4bjamoons 

[kalena-henden]

Destined With You has me intrigued. There are things I like about it (mostly Rowoon and the mystery), things that annoy me (the bad co-workers), and things that confuse me. After 4 episodes, I finally feel like I'm starting to understand what the writer is trying to do.

However, Netflix strikes again with a generic drama title that is very confusing and doesn't capture the depth or meaning of the Korean title in the slightest. (Thank goodness Viki got Doom at Your Service first cause that title is fire, even if it's not literal. I'm still shaking my fist at Netflix naming very accurate Korean title, Forest of Secrets, the boring and bland non-specific Stranger. Just why?!)

The Korean title is 이 연애는 불가항력.

The first part 이 연애는 means 'this love'. But the final word is the Korean translation of the French law terminology 'force majeure' (aka major force) which they translate as 'irresistible force'. It's a clause that is commonly used in contracts that negates some or all of the terms of a contract when an 'act of God' occurs, like a natural disaster, which would make one or both parties unable to fulfill their responsibilities. This is interesting as it gives the real title multiple meanings.

The most literal translation would be 'This Love is a Force Majeure' referencing Shinyu's profession and him being a stickler for adhering exactly to the contract terms, including verbal contracts like the ones he has with the Hongjo.

The next translation is 'This Love is an Irresistible Force' which implies that this love is almost against their will. They can't help but fall for each other. Currently, we have a quite literal interpretation of this with Shinyu accidentally drinking the love potion and now having unwanted thoughts and emotions regarding Hongjo.

Another potential translation extrapolated out of force majeure is 'This Love is an Act of God'. This implies this love is outside of human control, like destiny created by God or gods, depending on your religion. This is where I think Netflix got their generic 'destined' title. Unfortunately that 'destined' title completely negates that this writer has our leads intentionally playing with words. Not only on a banter level but also testing the letter of the law with their verbal contracts, some which are intentionally made and others they've made unknowingly. Words carry weight in this drama; not just through their emotion or meaning but in a magically binding way.

What if casting the spells isn't enough to activate them? What if the spells need words of intent to activate them?

Even though Hongjo doesn't believe it yet, she is a shaman or witch. Her words alone opened the lock on the box that held the spell book. They weren't just any words; they were words that had deep intention attached to them. After day dreaming her crush was there for her in a time of need when she was home alone, she half pleads, 'Please, can you come?' A few days later, Jaekyung has moved into the first floor of the house she rents.

When Shinyu drinks the Love Potion, nothing happens. He treats her the same way he's been treating her when she barges into his office to try to take care of the person who ran into the flowered-potted median. Any discomfort he's showing can be attributed to the fact that he is the culprit who ruined the median she is ranting over. It does however remind him how dangerous his illness has become triggering his urgency to cast the Disease Curing Spell as soon as possible. It's not until after he sees that the Love Spell is missing from the book and tells her, 'Because if you get a boyfriend, it's thanks to me.' that he has his first heart-fluttering sign of love when she tries take the book from him. He doesn't seem to have any moral issues with her using the love spell and is even trying to take credit for it since he gave her the box. After he discovers that he mistakingly drank the love potion, he's only upset that he's the one who drank it instead of her intended target. But what if drinking the love potion wasn't enough? What if it needed to be activated by his words of intention? His intention was for her to get a boyfriend.

Old Shaman to Shinyu: 'You killed her. The owner of the bloody hand that caresses your cheek. Karma will swallow you and you will struggle in horrible pain. But all the pain and curses will end. Finally, the owner of the wooden box showed up.'

Now back to our title, 'This Love is a Force Majeure'. The longstanding family curse appears to have been caused by Shinyu killing someone in his past life and curses can be considered a contract that binds people to their bad fate. If a contract is made in perpetuity, maybe the only way out is a force majeure happening. Note that 'will swallow' and 'will struggle' are future tense, they hadn't happened yet. Karma definitely seemed to swallow him whole when he unknowingly drank the love potion. It's also interesting she said he will struggle in horrible pain. We've seen him in physical pain due to the curse, but what if mental and emotional pain are added on top of this due to the love potion. The majority of this show will likely be showing him struggling through these trials as he unpacks his past life to save his future. (Hopefully... *crosses fingers and side-eyes Heartbeat*)

It's unlikely that the Disease Curing Spell is enough. It might be able to cure him of the disease but only once the magical curse has been lifted. So both spells always needed to be cast in tandem to break his curse. It's not a coincidence that Shinyu was in extreme distress when he ran into the median that Hongjo had planted the flowers on at the exact same moment she was casting the Love Spell. It caused a ripple in their fate. The beginning jumpstart of their love which needs to grow strong enough to cause a force majeure to break the curse or curses. Since Hongjo may not just be lonely, but cursed with loneliness. The signs are there. Her family is all dead. She doesn't have a boyfriend. She doesn't seem to have close friends even though she's quite friendly. Shinyu suggested that she's the reason she is alone. The Old Shaman also pointedly laments that her god wouldn't allow her to be in a relationship. This story becomes richer if Hongjo has a bad fate to overcome for herself, not just to help the male lead overcome his, but one that must be overcome together.

I'll end this with a little poetic fun from Google translate and deleting the last Korean word in the title one syllable at a time.

이 연애는 불가항력 - this love is irresistible

이 연애는 불가항 - this love is inevitable

이 연애는 불가 - this love is impossible

이 연애는 불 - this love is fire

[7s3ven]

Imagine this… jonny ‘soap’ mctavish

( angst )

You moved to Scotland soon after finishing high school so you could attend university there. In your first year, you meet John Mctavish, but he prefers if you call him Jonny.

He isn’t enrolled in the university, he just likes to wander around the grounds. He tells you of his plans to join the army and you tell him about your brother who’s a sniper.

The two of you become best friends (maybe even more) and even when he joins the army and you barely see him, the two of you exchange long letters. Whenever Jonny gets a well-needed break, he always returns to Scotland to see how you’re doing.

He tells you about joining Task Force 114 and about a man named Simon Riley, call name Ghost, who wears a skull mask to cover his face. He describes his experiences in detail, of course leaving out information he can’t share.

He shows his task force pictures of you, rambling on and on about your hobbies and your personality and how your accent is so different from his Scottish one but he likes it.

“He’s in love.” Gaz whispers to Price as they listen to Jonny rant about your perfume.

Price hides a chuckle. “Obviously. Knew it from the moment he pulled out a picture of his lass.”

Task Force 141 has never met you but Jonny was arranging it… until he got shot in the head. Ghost feels sorry for you. It was clear whatever relationship you had with Jonny was special. He knows neither of you had confessed yet and in his opinion, that hurts more. Now, you would constantly be asking yourself what if?

The team know how important Scotland was to Jonny so they book a flight to spread his ashes, half hoping not to run into you so they don’t have to face your crumbling expression.

“Sleep easy, soldier.”

“See you down the range, brother. We’ll take it from here.”

“Rest in peace, Jonny.”

Unfortunately, luck isn’t on their side. As they slowly stroll through the streets, they see you. You were beautiful in the pictures Jonny showed them but it didn’t do you justice. You were smiling widely at a friend, pushing a vase of flowers towards them.

Then you turned your head and spotted Ghost. You found it strange how a man was wearing a skull mask until it clicked. This was Jonny’s friend.

You wasted no time in sprinting towards the three men and they didn’t have enough time to change courses.

“Hey, you’re Ghost, right? Jonny’s LT? He talked about you a lot. Mainly ‘bout that mask.” You grinned, staring up at Ghost. “Is Jonny ‘round? He hasn’t written since last month. Startin’ to get worried.” You laughed as if to reassure yourself.

Gaz and Ghost exchange a look until the latter slowly holds up the urn. You pause, eyes wide. “You… you put him in that?” Suddenly, your face scrunches up. “Why is it shaped like that?”

Gaz can’t help but let out a small laugh. Yep, you’re Jonny’s alright.

“He talked about you often.” Price piped up, “Even wrote a few letters he never sent.” The older man handed you a stack of thick envelopes. “Think he was in love with ya.”

“Well, I appreciate that you came all the way to Scotland just to spread his ashes.” You softly sighed, blinking away tears. Ghost handed you the urn before digging around in his pocket, pulling out Jonny’s dog tags.

You stared down at the words inscribed into the metal, running your thumb over the neat writing. You flipped the tag over, lip trembling at the five words on the back.

I love you, Y/N - Jonny.

[keymanwritez]

Still wakes the deep headcanons !

Trots

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

° Very clean, doesn't really like messes and will chew someone out if they mess up his work station

° Has two brothers and one sister

° Never been married

° Likes tea more than coffee

° Okay ish with children, though the messes they bring and when they scream drives him to insanity

° Enjoys having the same scheduled meals each week, gets somewhat upset when it changes

° Cannot handle the smell of ribs, it absolutely will make him gag and throw up

° Has tried so many times to talk to Rennick calmly about safety on the rig and got shut down so many times that he just gave up on doing it calmly

° Enjoys keeping gifts and things hes given on display, he's proud of everything he has

° Used to be a calm person but now is more likely to anger

Infected Trots time 💔

° Sees his family, like his mother, his brothers and his sister etc

° Is tormented by the fact that he doesn't have legs anymore

° most of his pain stems from his lower half due to how corrupted it has become from the shape

° Feels pure anger towards Cadal, more than when he was alive

° Dies in excruciating pain akin to the other infected

° In my recovery au he gets pissed at Rennick a lot more due to him learning how Rennick wanted to leave everyone else and his actions during the crisis

° Recovery: he really cannot stomach a lot of foods, he just can't eat them without vomiting

° Recovery: Hates his body no doubt but also gets irritated at the mess it makes in his words

Finlay

﹏﹏﹏﹏

° One of the strongest on the rig no doubt

° Would've won the dart tournament final if it ever happened, dunno why I think this I just do

° Actually likes the ocean a lot, just doesn't like being on an unsteady and falling apart oil rig

° Talks with Rennick sometimes, They sit down and drink either coffee or alcohol together

° She lets him rant a lot but has no problem telling him when hes wrong about something or a situation

° Still gets pissed when he does stupid or selfish shit though

° Enjoys milk in her coffee and that's about it

° Talks to her son whenever she can, Keeps the letters he sends in a decorated box with photos

° Not a picky eater but doesn't really like canned ravioli, she'll eat it just doesn't like it

° Her and her husband are divorced but not on bad terms

° Hangs with Muir and thinks he's funny as shit, a little too reckless for her though

° Bisexual but doesn't really care about partners at the moment

After the events of the game 💔

° Sometimes would need to take a break due to hearing her son, over and over again

° Hummed the song he was singing to try and calm down

° Despite what it seemed in the game, she was fucking terrified of the shape

° It unsettled her deep in her soul and she finally knew why when the rubble fell on her

° Wanted nothing but her son in the end, to hold him, to hug him, or just to see him

° She knew she would never get to see him again though and that would be a good thing for him

° Recovery: Was confused and then disturbed when she woke in her cot

° Recovery: She was dead and she knew she was, maybe this was purgatory ?

° Recovery: Took a while for her to become comfortable around the infected again

° Recovery: Felt like shit for being distant but couldn't bear to be around the infected or anyone in general

° Recovery: Called her son almost immediately after finding out she wasn't dead

Muir

﹏﹏﹏﹏

° Love pranks, I think everyone agrees in the fandom XD

° Does not like swimming, never was a fan of it, knows how to though

° Once pulled a prank on Rennick and almost got fired

° Has never grabbed the correct helmet and probably never will

° Enjoys jokes a lot, puns not so much

° Can actually be pretty mellow, especially when he's tired

° Either wakes Innes up with a kiss or a smack on the stomach, either one it just depends on the day

° Once made a paper rose for Innes for Valentine's day

° Hangs out with Finlay sometimes

° Does not like coffee but drinks it to stay up

° Once fell asleep at breakfast and woke up with new eyebrows

° Don't know where I saw it but there was a post that he had a daughter and I liked that idea

° Has two left feet when it comes to dancing, or almost anything tbh

Infected time y'all 💔

° Saw Innes and his daughter

° All he really remembers is feeling alone and being angry at that

° Like they had all left him to fend for himself

° He wanted Innes mainly and was angry at him for leaving

° At one point his vision soloed in on Innes and saw his terrified face

° He was confused

° When he finally got Innes he didn't even realize he had killed him

° He thought that he was just sleeping, he didn't kill anyone else after that

° He just held Innes, his love

° He didn't even realize he was going to die until he was

° Tried his best to keep Innes body safe as he died

° Recovery: Was akin to the others confused on why he was back

° Recovery: He couldn't believe he was back, he felt joy and then the realization what he did hit him

° Recovery: He tried to hide somewhere on the deck away from the others

° Recovery: He didn't want anyone to see him due to guilt

° Recovery: Not even Innes

° Recovery: Eventually Innes coaxed him to talk to him and Muir just sobbed and apologized

° Recovery: It took him a long while to adjust to not being able to go inside and his new form but eventually he slowly went back to some of his old self

° Recovery: He doesn't think he'll ever be the same again though, emotionally

° Recovery: Cried on the phone when he was allowed to call his daughter

Brodie

﹏﹏﹏﹏

° Sees Raff as a son of sorts

° I really liked @/lilkumquat27 's au where Brodie had a son but lost him due to cancer so I kinda headcanon that now too-

° Feels odd for viewing Raff's like that but dismisses it a lot

° Likes coffee with chocolate in it [ me too Brodie- ]

° actually enjoys the ocean a lot, loved going swimming in Skye with his family

° He finds one of the best feelings in the world is to eat a warm meal when your cold

° Hangs with Finlay when he can, he finds solitude with her

° Would laugh when he lost against her in the dart tournament if it ever happened

° Not really competitive, doesn't see the point in getting angry over that stuff

° I associate the song ' Everything stays ' from adventure time with him, don't really know why it just seems to fit him

° Loves the moon as well, thinks she's gorgeous at night

In game time 💔

° Was mostly trying to keep a level head

° Threw up after seeing what happened to Raff's in the dive bell

° He actually threw up a lot during the events of the game

° Kept saying in his mind to just keep on going

° Heard his son talking about octopuses and the ocean in his mind

° Just kept going through most of it, only taking short breaks to think things through

° Was terrified but somewhat content when the water and oil started to raise

° That soon disappeared as the phone cut out

° Tried to keep his mind on Skye and his son but couldn't, all he could focus on was the pain of not being able to swim and drowning in the oil

° Recovery: He woke up sputtering, he was so confused and hurt

° Recovery: Finally broke after that and just sobbed

° Recovery: He sobbed for hours before trying to collect himself

° Recovery: Tried to ignore the pit in his stomach but it kept getting bigger and bigger

° Recovery: Hugged Raff's so tight he couldn't breathe, apologized endlessly for letting him go in the dive bell and for what he went through

I shall make another one with more characters later but these are some of my headcanons for my favorite characters !!!! explodes

[lockandkeyblade]

Kindly consider ranting about your bard turned paladin/healer... For morale........

Chirp you don't know what you have wrought upon this world but okay, okay. Sit down, get cozy. Let me tell you about my sweet summer child, Ven'chiss Zephyr.

She's 26 as of the latest expansion and her favorite class is Red Mage, though she constantly falls back on Paladin as soon as shit hits the fan. She's also an Astrologian thanks to Trauma™ and was a Bard, but can no longer be one due to uh. Trauma™.

Her history is about 4-6 years long considering the expansion storyline to FFXIV is fucking 800+ hours of MSQ so she's had a haircut since starting out, still absolutely gorgeous though.

And now I'm going to spend twenty years explaining her story while half-assedly trying to explain enough that anyone who doesn't know FFXIV isn't entirely lost!

It's important to note that the main...storyline? I write her as being from- She is not the only Warrior of Light. There's actually close to a dozen of 'em in the one FC, though they aren't all the same soul (which makes sense if you know the canon but otherwise don't worry about it).

Ahem. Contents: -Race and Culture Context (what Miqo'te and Sunseekers are) -Pre-A Realm Reborn

A Bit of Race and Culture Context

So! Miqo'te! Cat people! That's what Ven'chiss is and it's important to know a little bit about their cultural structure going forward! Miqo'te have two flavors to them and the ones we're talking about are known as Sunseekers.

Sunseekers populate a total of 26 tribes across the known world, each tribe literally linking up to a letter of the alphabet. They think they're like, special for this or something. 26 letters of the alphabet it's fate look at how cool they are, bla bla.

But yeah no the letter designation for a tribe is a big deal. If you are from a tribe, you have that letter at the start of your name. So if you're from, say, the M tribe, your name will start with M, followed by a comma. M'anna for example. Only people close to you would drop your tribe name and call you Anna.

Another thing about tribes is that there is pretty much one breeding male, known as a Nunh. The Nunh isn't necessarily always the leader (despite the game constantly portraying them as such) but they are a Big Deal because, again, they are the breeding partner. They are the one the babies come from.

Male Miqo'te become Nunh by successfully challenging the current one, otherwise they are known as Tia. So a dude named M'ark who s Nunh gets called, M'ark Nunh. A dude named M'ark who isn't Nunh would go by the name, M'ark Tia.

Tia isn't necessarily calling any dude who isn't Nunh a virgin but I love the idea that it kind of is. It's so easy for Tia to be turned into a tease or an insult and we do see some male Miqo'te in game who kind of treat it like that. Lookin' at you M tribe sidequests.

The only other ways to become a Nunh without challenging the current one is to claim some new territory for your tribe and hold it for an unspecified amount of time, in which case you become an offshoot of your original tribe (you get to keep the M).

Alternatively, you can decide to create an entirely new tribe (You add to the M, so instead of M'ark you start strutting around calling yourself Me'ark). This option is Not Popular as it's really unlikely girls are going to follow a cocky bastard who wants them to go off and starve a hundred miles away from their friends and family just so he can feel like a big man, so it's usually offshoots!

Tribes can come in a lot of flavors but they generally are shown to be sort of nomadic. Each tribe has their own territory, and within that territory you have different hunting grounds, and additional territories that are the offshoots. Without it really being said, Sunseekers are very familial; like, you live and die with the same people and take up varying roles For The Family, kind of thing.

TLDR;

There's two types of Miqo'te. Ven'chiss is a Sunseeker, who are tribal and nomadic within their territories.

The second type are known as Moonseekers and their culture is entirely different. You'll see some names going forward that look Way Different to the above and below and they might still be totally legit names. Don't think about names too hard beyond Ven'chiss' because most of the time They Don't Really Matter. I like making things mean something not everyone has to have that kind of username. I mean realistically there are races in this game where the name Peter Parker is a legit name in their naming convention but you're gonna find plenty of people named AssKicker 9000.

Most Sunseeker names have a corresponding letter of the alphabet at the start, which is the tribe name. Some offshoots that are Not part of the 26 tribes will have more than one letter as their tribe name. This is rare.

Each tribe has a Nunh who is essentially the breeding male. If a guy isn't a Nunh he is a Tia and it's kind of an almost insult but not really.

Pre-A Realm Reborn

Ven'chiss was born U'veata (Veata also meaning wind!) to an offshoot of the, surprise, U tribe, in a place known as the Sagolii Desert. This is in Thanalan, for those trying to place it. I won't spend forever describing locations but as expected of a desert, she kind of grew up knowing not much else but sand dunes and canyons.

While growing up, she was kept to the lands claimed by her offshoot, learning to be a hunter and scout. She's damn good with a bow. The biggest dangers to U'veata during this time were giant sandworms and lizard men who wanted to sacrifice everyone to their god. Normal stuff.

U'veata was always kind of-- flighty, as a kid. Very bright, very inquisitive. She wanted to stick her nose in everything, everywhere, all at once. Trying to keep her on task was a pain in the ass for her dad, the then Nunh, and every other adult in her life. She got the nickname "little wind" because of that eternal flightiness and the name stuck with her as she grew and matured into a cool teenager who could actually handle some responsibility.

And everything was kind of cool and normal until she was 15, when the fucking moon fell. The moon fell, a dragon popped out of it, and basically just cast meteor on the entire continent. It was a big deal.

Suddenly that little territory of her offshoot? Meaningless. Their entire tribe was bleeding, dying. It was all hands on deck, territory lines be damned. So this fifteen year old gets tasked with basically search and rescue, then just, recovery.

And she sees so much more of the world. Sure, it's still desert, but there's places in the desert where you can see cities in the distance, visit towns. There's so much noise and culture and holy fuck did you know musical instruments are a thing? Because she didn't???

At some point in the ensuing two years of recovery, she's gifted an instrument that belonged to someone who died as thanks. Most likely an oud or similar stringed instrument-- and she loves it. She loves learning music. She loves travelling, she loves seeing new sights and new cultures. She loves helping people, no matter how great or small their needs might be.

She loves learning about people, their lives and their history and everything about them. She's spending the prime parts of transitioning from child to adult essentially being a traveller, and it's great.

But the crisis ends, eventually. The territory borders come up. This is not great. U'veata spends a very frustrating three years kind of just, dully doing what her tribe needs her to do, because That's Just What You Did. But that thirst for more, thirst for adventure, to see new things and learn about more and more people? It just keeps growing, a constant itch under her skin.

What finally makes it all come to a head is when her dad is challenged for his position as Nunh, and he loses. Suddenly, U'veata is not just the daughter of a Nunh, she is a fertile woman in a tribe that will expect her to have babies and stay with them till the end of her days, and she, well.

U'veata: Actually I think I'll choose option B. Love you, fuck you all, see you later.

U'veata changes her name. She changes it in a Really Big, Really Mean Way. She doesn't keep the letter of her tribe, the U. She makes her tribe name three letters long. Ven. Ven'chiss. And she gives herself a last name, Zephyr, which is kind of a Moonseeker thing but not at all, really?????

Essentially someone told this young adult it was about time she gets to having kids and she turned around and named herself fucking Wind Wind in retaliation. This is the equivalent of someone telling you to hurry up and find a nice boy so you change your name to goddamn Moon Moon.

It's a fuck you. It's a huge, giant fuck you to her family and her culture. She essentially puts herself in exile and wanders off to the nearest town to find a wagon that'll hire a decent archer as security while it makes its way to the capital of Thanalan, Ul'dah.

U'veata is gone. Ven'chiss Zephyr-- Chiss, is born. And she's off to the races to become an Adventurer.

I'm gonna leave this here for the moment because this is already super long but next time we'll start off with a ramble about the continent of Eorzea, the city states, and why Adventurers are a big deal, actually.

[owlhead650]

Renegade Asopo wasn't a jerk from the start. For the first half of the game he had pretty high relationship points with the whole cast. After Terajuma though Renegade Asopo becomes a bit of a worse person. He doesn't suddenly start bullying the others. It's more like he gradually becomes more disinterested and cold. He stops laughing at Venam's jokes. He doesn't give Melia as much reassurance. He doesn't have as much patience for Aelita when she experiences Vivian's Madness and he starts to think she just doesn't like him anymore. He doesn't forgive Ren for joining Team Xen and the friendship doesn't fully recover.

The exception to this is Erin. Erin is very vocal about the things that piss her off. Her mind is even sharper than her tongue. They both enjoy a few conversations ranting about Aelita, someone who managed to be friends with both of them but got on their nerves. They both let it go and forgive her around the same time.

Erin really enjoyed paragon Asopo's company because he's good at knowing when to respond with genuine insights or when to just let her finish complaining. He's casually very polite, kind and just witty enough to be entertaining for her to speak to. Erin and paragon Asopo started to trust each other rather quickly.

Erin and Renegade Asopo both hit it off because their flaws and strengths are actually rather similar. Like his paragon counterpart, renegade Asopo is very impressed by her. Just in general. The big difference is that Erin never fully trusts him. She can tell something isn't right. Whether it's some of the choices he makes, or just his general attitude towards dealing with conflict, Erin worries that she doesn't understand his true nature. It's a particular concern when she learns all about him being the interceptor, only for Melia to say that she just doesn't know if he can be trusted or not. How can Melia and Asopo share all those experiences without Melia being able to confidently vouch for him?

So now I want to talk about Devilfish Shipping. Erin and Asopo share a super caring queer platonic relationship on paragon. They don't use the word 'dating' because it comes with expectations they don't want, but they're together.

I'm thinking that on renegade Asopo never tells her. He never writes that letter because rather than opening his heart, renegade Asopo is preparing to keep it tightly shut. I think Erin still loves renegade Asopo in a similar way to paragon, and I think renegade Asopo feels the same.

But you see, he's still going to erase her and everyone else. I'm really interested in seeing how things end up for Erin in future versions because depending on how the character arc concludes I'm going to write some really cute and really sad scenarios about them.

[joltai-showa]

Welp, Tumblr is back on the phone, and now my recommended page is absolutely fucked for no reason (but I still get funny posts about asoiaf so that's nice I guess)

still kinda recovering from the whole incident and what followed, but I don't intend to go into detail, I'd say a lot of it was on me and my reasonable expectations about other people that turned out to be way too high, I suppose. won't be making the same mistake again😘😘😘😘😘

anyway, on fanfiction news: finished the draft for chapter 10 of FQTP, it turned out to be like half of the events I actually planned for this chapter, but it already crossed 18k threshold, so I guess the major decision moment would have to come in the next one, Obito's too busy having a very important realization lol. This one is def coming on February 10, so stay tuned.

Instead of writing chapter 11 as I originally thought I would I actually got a bunch of ideas while lying in the bed for a week, too sick to do anything but scroll on my phone, so I guess I am doing an unrelated Obidei one-shot. I actually took time to reread Dealing with the Devil and holy fuck the me from the past had the sexiest and funniest brain, but this one is gonna be more... artitsy, I guess? Still sappy and fluffy as shit, but I gotta practice on my whole "Deidara ranting about art and stuff" thing, FQTP is entering its final stretch and following it we'll be back to Girldara's POV, I gotta train my writer muscles for the artist's ramblings💪💪💪🦾🦾🦾 (I have no clue about art and Deidara's canon rants put me to sleep, I just become a monkey with neurons activated that watches a blonde twink screaming and running)

regarding the personal stuff...

er, I got really lucky in Genshin this patch? I managed to get both Arle's and Clorinde's (get hers literally this morning lol) weapons and still have some savings for a guaranteed Furina, so that's real nice! Now I just need to fix my Arle's build because the crit rate stat on her scythe is way less than on Cyno's paddle (back to the Whimsy domain I guess. hooray. my own personal dungeon for almost a year. Hoyo let me out of here pls)

HSR was also pretty nice to me, so I got both Lingsha and Feixiao on this half of the patch and saved up like 70 pulls for Robin. this week finally finished up building my Ruan Mei (that I got during Firefly's first banner, yep, she's been collecting dust for a while at level 40 lol), now leveling Lingsha and gonna have a very pretty lady squad of Ruan Mei - Fugue Tingyun - Harmony Stelle - Lingsha. Yes, Harmony MC's traces are still ass, but my Fugue build is so fucking absurd it compensates for that (Phanty is gonna have her neck snapped next time my Fugue finds her lmao). I do not fear Erudition meta, Erudition Meta fears me.

Also finally made myself sit down and watch the Nier Automata anime and it's... absolutely fucking amazing??? what the actual hell???

honestly I can not thank Yoko Taro enough for this series, whenever I feel like shit I KNOW that if I open any piece of Nier series everyone is gonna have a worse time than me🙏🙏🙏🙏

But on a more serious note I once again got reminded of how much I love Nier. It's so cruelly beautiful and yet so gently ugly. It's insane. Absolutely hopeless world and still the characters choose to hope and suffer for it.

(I really need to finish my playthrough on my Switch lol)

I remember watching the announcements being made for the anime and being worried that it's A-1 pictures, so it's gonna look like ass, but honestly... yeah, I can see the limited budget, and remember that the production got terribly fucked over by Covid, but there's just so much love in it? The anime is a clear love letter to both fans and the series. It's not something that's aimed at someone trying to enter the series, but rather people who have played it for hundreds of hours and go fucking crazy from all of those tiny cute easter eggs left here and there. I LOVE how they tried to include as much content as possible into the anime, like 3847827384 minor characters from side-quests and adapting them into something of a cohesive narrative (I say something cuz it's Yoko Taro and honestly it's normal to not understand like 60% of the plot after reaching the canon ending lol). It's just very sweet and obviously everyone on the team worked really hard to bring this anime together.

(though I am curious about how they've adapted the [E]nd of YoRHa. the true ending can not be physically translated into another medium, it's something so uniquely video gamely(?) that I am wondering what did they do about it)

anyway random screenshots time because why not

they've changed the play bit into an actual scene, and for how goofy it is, it's still got some pretty raw lines

also props to anime for somehow making the Songtress fight even more unsettling than it was originally. like, A Beautiful Song still absolutely slaps, and the haunting scream bit at the beginning is still one of the most chilling things in the entire OST, but anime also got its own little creepy rendition of A Beautiful Song + the Songtress's story is a lot easier to understand with both 2B's and 9S's perspectives combined.

Well last but certainly not least is some words of wisdom from Yoko Taro lol

(and absolutely vital line of dialogue, truly the genius of our time)

[hibi32]

౨ৎ Mindless No Thought Rant 0.1(10.16.MMXXIV): Got called crazy by an unknown man for wanting to write a love letter out of my blood, and I’m sad. Just asked mother if I could pierce myself to extract blood, she thought I was crazy… and she was right. Tried cutting myself and thought about *them*, no—it, and stopped. Began drawing fake scars, that will help the emptiness in my heart, right? I miss them. A lot. Trying—trying—trying, to escape. Hurt in the present, hurt by thoughts in the past, happy in the present, yet happy by the past. What to do… ? I don’t know.

0.1(10.17.MMXXIV): I did have someone to love yes. Someone who will love and expect nothing in return. But even if their love was unconditional, it could never fully fulfill the missing pieces in my heart. To fill the void in my heart would take infinite quantities, but even so, no matter how much I get and take, it will never fill the darkness that once had light. I crave it, dream it, fantasize about it, and even lust… but even so, never enough. I ask myself…why—just—why isn’t it satisfying my thirst? I stumbled upon a post about a woman talking about her greatest achievements in life, majority of it was about, ‘self love’. She spoke with confidence, “The only person you should love the most would be yourself. After all, you’re spending the rest of eternity alone”. Those very words, struck a spark in my heart, and a glimmer of clearness through my sight. I now know why, the void in my puppet, is hollow. I tried to love, no—truly love, myself… But im only met with disgust… not joy, not happiness, not love…but disgust.

0.1(10.17.MMXXIV): Found out I got a 14/15 on my physics quiz. Really really unhappy with myself. Decided to beg for study tables during lunch to my physics teacher, not wanting to come for after school hours. Math midterm is today, im kinda worried despite being prepared.

0.1(10.17.MMXXIV): impulsively friended them, oh no. I shouldn’t have clicked! Ahhh~

౨ৎ 0.2(10.18.MMXXIV): Found out I got a 86% on my math mid term. I’m so fucking frustrated I DDINT take the extra time I had and doubled checked. I would have gotten an 89% if I got that one question have gotten correct. If I didn’t mixed up the differences between supplementary and complimentary, I wouldn’t be reacting this way. This is the second B I’ve ever gotten in my math class, this might be good to others, but to me, it isn’t! This is so fucking stupid. I hate being in choir for the morning, I hate being told to sit in my seat and sing for half an hour. I could just do this at home, no? It’s so heinous and tedious to have music in school when you can sing and work at home. I hate that one student in my class, they think they have the ‘authority’ and ability to be able to point out trouble makers. Teachers pet, I hate those types, always being perceptive of others and reporting back to teachers on ‘bobs’ disruptive and harmful behavior. Reasons why I stopped being a rule follower and became a rule breaker. I crave chaos and destruction, the total opposite of what my ‘old’ self would want. Jeez, since when did joining a new school become more problematic then my old one! I have multiple contradicting statements I say that I honestly can’t seems to understand myself. Mother told me I looked like a clown with eye shadow on, says it doesn’t suit me and I don’t need makeup. I want to, I just have masculine features that are overly very prominent. Been trying to scout for some online but I can’t seem to find any that I like.

౨ৎ 0.3(10.19.MMXXIV): talked to them today… I was nervous at first about responding to them. Everything is going well, and I’m glad. Still frustrated by the fact I still can’t find what works best for my face shape… but I’m sure I’ll find the missing spark. It feels better that we are still in contact… but it also feels wrong. I’m a disappointment to my family if I was to be friends with them, no? But I’m also confused, in a way where I wouldn’t know if I want them in my life or not. I just want them to be happy, at least, with someone else… not me. Without them I’m at peace, but without them my mind misses them and I constantly debate to myself to not talk to them… I constantly tell myself about their cons and how they are bad in my life… but I also day dream about them on a daily basis. I miss their words, dream of their hugs, and I want to get closer—but not. What is this that I’m feeling?

I hope you tell me soon… universe…

౨ৎ 0.2(10.20.MMXXIV): I’m feeling quite lonely today. Life’s been boring and I have thoughts about them. I wonder what they are doing other then being sick. Oh well, it’s been more then a week and it’s almost like they are never off my mind. I try to push it away but… it doesn’t go away. I have work to do today but I really don’t feel like it. Maybe later I will get my assignments done but today isn’t the day. Woke up feeling a bit gooey and such, woke up at 6 am and went back to sleep at 7 am. Been mindlessly scrolling while keeping check on the clock once in a while. Wanted to update my Carrd a bit but even so I don’t feel like getting it done. I ate 2 crunch bars with 0 regrets… craving lemonade a bit… maybe I should get that instead. Might watch some movies to relieve my boredom. I hope they text me again… even tho I’ve been purposefully texting lesser. I don’t want to get too close to them, don’t want to get into that cycle I’ve gotten myself into for the 3rd time. Hoping that maybe a woman passes by their sight and takes their heart, that will make me happy, right? Who am I kidding, it makes me sad but if it makes them happy I’ll pretend I’m happy. Whatever the universe decides I’ll stick with it, I just hope it’s the right path for the two of us. Oh yeah—I totally forgot! Amazon prime day is coming, should consider getting some items into my cart, yeah—that will do.

౨ৎ 0.2(10.20.MMXXIV): The time is 2:19 pm, I want them to text me, reply to me, respond. I’ve been waiting all day, I won’t add any other text messages. Trying to keep my distance but I’m lonely and I miss them.. I won’t put ‘kinda’ in the front anymore, I need to stop that habit. Comes off as ‘unsure’ and, ‘indecisive’, ends up making me look like an imbecile. I’m such a hypocrite, I need help. Maybe I’ll take to Daniel, he makes me happy, well… temporarily.. I’m still waiting for their text message. Maybe they are asleep— or perhaps doing something with their life with someone else. Maybe they’re talking to someone else that they usually talk to in the mornings… like a certain, well, ‘someone’. They tell me they text a few people a good morning text and I actually want to know who… I won’t pry tho, after all, we are just… ‘friends’. Kinda confusing not going to lie, this situation is surely something. 2:32 pm hits and they still haven’t texted me, maybe they are asleep…. I want to text them ‘I miss you’, but that would mean I broke the promise I made to myself… gotta stop thinking about them.. it’s for the better.. right?

౨ৎ 0.3(10.21.MMXXIV): I finished my English homework the day before. I’m so happy I finally finished, I genuinely thought I was never going to finish it. Last Friday my gut was hurting me and I wasn’t able to type the first 3 class answers on the computer. Glad that’s all over with. I texted ‘them’ today, I’m glad their feeling at least a bit better. I was smiling like an asshole talking to them, that’s enough for today. Gotta text less, don’t want to get too close, I can’t forget that they have their own life together unlike mine. (Exaggeration a bit, not entirely false). Looked over to my right to see Ben tie his hair up into a palm tree, why not do the same? He looked over to his left, another fellow Pom tree, we laughed. How fun.

౨ৎ Deep Thinking 0.3(10.21.MMXXIV): I can’t ask them for reassurance. They’re not mine, they belong to someone else, yet I think about them a lot. They have their own life, their own friends, I can’t control. I can’t control them. I can’t do anything. I think about Daniel instead, they make me happy… temporarily, that is. They’re their own person, I must respect that. I can’t control, I can’t ask, I can’t do *nothing*—or anything, as a matter of fact. Everything I want to do is pointless… we are only just, well… *friends* and *nothing* more. I really need them to find someone else, if they do, I’ll be hurt for the best. Of course I remember old conversations we had that still bother me, but what if their words weren’t *real* and they were saying it to not bother my mind? They say I can’t hurt any of the ‘good’ ones, but I want to. I want to I want to… I Want To. It makes my blood boil, my eyes widen, and I feel like I just went through one of the few symptoms of a literal heart break. I don’t think I will be able to find someone who embodies this type of **behavior** or **feeling** that I have.

౨ৎ Deep Thinking/Rant 0.3(10.21.MMXXIV): I want someone like me. Hell, I would lovingly end myself to find them in the next life. Someone who matches me. No matter who’s good or who’s bad… I want them to kill for me like I would for them. I don’t give a fuck about the happiness of others, I care about them. Why can’t anyone fit in the same intensity that I have? This sounds psychotic, even crazy. I’m aware no human in the right mind would kill anyone to preserve the feelings for their partner, but that’s what my love is. It hurts to know that no one around me understands *me* by this one aspect. I would kill, get myself hurt, and cover myself in blood just for Darling. My heart hurts, my breathing stops, and I’m stuck in a cycle where I want to hurt for Darling. If Darling doesn’t allow me, I’ll be hurt, stone wall, and resent them for it. Why are you stopping me from expressing my unwavering affection to you? I’ll question, I’ll stay silent, let the feelings and emotions bubble inside me until I explode behind closed doors. I won’t find anyone, like me. No one, is LIKE me..

I would like a partner that lacks empathy for others. Think about the direct words they would say to hurt others for ME? That is true love to me. They are hurting someone to preserve my feelings. No one has done that for me before… and I’m desperate to hear that… I hope Darling does that for me in the future and if not.. I’ll go find another Darling who will fulfill the blood lust I have. I don’t care if darling ties me up and plans on keeping me locked up in his basement… all I care is that he’s mine and I’m his.. forever.

౨ৎ Deep Thinking 0.4(10.22.MMXXIV): I saw mister pianist today… he looked nerdy and handsome as ever. The way he walks, his eloquent hand movements, and his gentle talking… it’s so.. elegant. He’s practically perfect. I want to get more information on him. Anything and everything just to feed my hunger. Maybe I should start naming him “mister perfect”. He’s like a master piece crafted with multiple works of literature from the universe. He’s intelligent, quiet, graceful, well-spoken, thoughtful, kind, caring, gentle, affable, and fastidious. He’s so… perfect. My heart rapidly beats when he gently calls my name, he even approaches me carefully like a fox wanting ‘something’. I was reading ‘Lord Of The Flies’ early morning and he came up to ask me if I finished writing the bellwork down. I nod, my heart beating too quickly, I’m afraid he would hear. We make eye contact when he plays the piano, I went to hide myself. It feels illegal to stare at a man this soft and gentle, he’s so… fatherly. I want him to be *mine*. I squeal and scream silently in my head as I watch him freestyle a piece on the piano, classmates screaming with eagerness, like fireworks bursting in the sky. Let’s just say I’m quite frankly enamored by this man and I’ll watch him from afar, secretly, of course. I’m a spectator analyzing his life, his routine, his habits, and how he interacts with the world. He’s my second dear darling now.. maybe I’ll add him to my collection. He fits perfectly into my doll collection, he’s *perfect*… and I mean it. All the other dolls I’ve met in my life don’t match… he does.

౨ৎ Deep Thinking/Rant 0.4(10.22.MMXXIV): gotta keep reminding myself that we are just friends. Gotta remind myself that we are nothing else other then just friends. They don’t belong to me. They are not mine. They are someone’s else’s… not mine. If they were mine they would have saved themselves for me before. They would have listened before by their family(or someone), valued it, and believed it. Such shame that they did not. I’m disgusted by them a lot, the ROCD hits in out of nowhere and I’m back to square 1. They said I was special, somedaysI feel like it, others… not so much. Maybe they are still in love with someone else from there past. How could I ever think I was special to them? They even *admit* to it, yet I don’t believe it. They spend such intimate times with people in the past, how could I ever come close? I’m not jealous, just disgusted with a feeling of betrayal and sadness. Why am I still holding onto them? Well, they care about me. I don’t think I can live a month without them to be quite frank. Hell, even a week would be too long. Without them I’m at peace, but I also miss them. I try to forget.c try to move on, but my thoughts always roam to them at the end of the night. How could I ever think I was ever special to them when they experienced ‘this’ with someone else before they even met me? I’m naive… to think I was something is truly foolish of me. I should keep my distance from them, find someone else, and make sure I don’t go through the 409th cycle. It’s alright tho, I remind myself many times. It’s okay they been through this and did this and that and what so-…. I only need my body-pillow to be content with life… They are … everyone around me including those I wish were ‘perfect’, are disappointing pieces of shit.

౨ৎ 0.5(10.24.MMXXIV): Watched my dad yell at my grandmother. His voice was loud, his tone was harsh, his posture was stiff, and his energy was negative. It feels like he’s angry at me despite me not doing anything. His voice scares me, loud, heavy, and quick. I hide myself in the study, shutting the glass door quick to muffle the sound. I don’t want to hear it, it scares me, and I’m afraid I’m in trouble. I try to act normal, pretend to at least, around him, whenever, and however. I’m not the problem, I know, and I’m aware. what is the problem… is the voice. I cover my ears a bit to muffle the sounds of angry shouting, I turn on my computer. ‘Shit’ I murmur to myself, the wifi isn’t on, ‘just at the perfect moment’, I said to myself sarcastically, tone lingering a bit with worry. I have physics I need to study, I have a test tomorrow, tho I will say I’m quite unprepared. I lost in jeopardy. Quite disappointed. Not much to say. I think about my father, I gotta be careful around him, I don’t want to annoy him any further. Feels like I always have to wait for him to calm down in order for me to approach him. It makes me remember about the day he told me he ‘didn’t love me’. A memory and moment full of confusion, anger, and sadness.

My father said he only loved me if I did *things* for him. Told me he doesn’t love me like how my mother loves me, says he would only love me if I helped him here and their, and nothing else. I’m basically only loved like this, how lucky of a family Tammy has. A father that’s distant, and a mother that’s high in expectations. I’m truly broken from the inside and out… Typing these out at 10:40 pm hurts, the tears flow down but I’m left with no other expression except *tears* falling down onto my pillow. It’s like I’m 3 people in one. The first person is the one outside, the person that is a high achiever yet afraid of making mistakes. The second person is behind the mask, fragile and afraid of criticism. And the third person, is the one behind the first and the second. It’s nothing, that’s it, just nothing. The first person was developed by mother, second person by father, and third person… underdeveloped, my person, to be exact. My person hasn’t developed… yet who is it? I watch other people out their in life have a sense of purpose, a passion, a dream, a rich in depth persona… and me? Hah, I just take it from others and use it as my own… it’s not that I don’t have a personality, it’s just… it’s somewhere. Perhaps too damaged, too damaged to come out.. or perhaps way too damaged for any help. Oh well, “34/ just hope the universe does something… well… for me..

౨ৎ 0.6(10.25.MMXXIV):

I adore them. I hug my pillow to sleep, and my thoughts drift to them. Our situation might be strange to 99% of people on planet earth, but I can’t resist them.

—————————————————————————————————————————

౨ৎ 0.7(10.28.MMXXIV): Todays been stressful. I feel like my insides are bubbling and I’m on the verge of tipping over. I feel like a disappointment right now, kinda just want to sleep on a cloud and never wake up. Thank god I gotten sweets during dinner, I don’t think I would be able to hold in my anger and stress much longer. Seeing those pastries in the fridge on the perfect day is like a blessing from god. I don’t know what makeup looks good on me, what to do to make my skin look paler, and I don’t even know if my Amazon package is going to arrive before the DAY comes. Geeez, when will I ever have a week I don’t have stress and anxiousness and anxiety?! I don’t even think i can work for anyone at this point because I’m too afraid to make a mistake. I’m clumsy, and I’m like a robot! I don’t even get a clue on when someone tells me what to do by their body movements, it’s like I have some form of bad body articulation. I might as well hope my life expectancy ends right NOW. Reality is wayyy too harsh on me and I don’t think I can handle it at this point. The comfiest and safest place is likely my sheets, yes, my sheets. Theirs not a single day I’m never missing the warmth and fluffiness of my pillows and blankets…

[married-2-the-music]

K-pop Discography Deep Dives: WJSN

A Disclaimer: I was planning, when I first started Tumblr, to be a lurker, but then I began an office job and needed something to listen to to keep myself occupied. And then, I started going through entire K-pop groups’ repertoires, album by album, and jotting down my thoughts. And then, I stumbled into K-pop tumblr and decided, you know what, there’s at least four people on this hell site who would read in depth rants about these discographies and at least five who wouldn’t read it and then get mad because it’s kind of our job as K-pop fans. My lukewarm takes should be taken with an entire silo of salt and the knowledge that this is completely for fun and occupying my very bored, very neurodivergent brain. All this to say, for the love of god, I’m a sleep-deprived student and I don’t have time for internet hate, so don’t kill me. With that being said, enjoy!

Here are my credentials: unusually, for a girl group, I have very few. I’ve listened to WJSN before, and I know a decent amount of title tracks and a couple b-sides. I would say I know them best from my half-watch of Queendom 2 (I’m a fan of Loona and Gfriend, so I was more focused on them), which WJSN did win. I was impressed with them there, and I decided that I wanted to learn more about them.

WJSN was formed in late 2015 as a Korean-Chinese collaborative between Starship Entertainment and Yuehua Entertainment. The members are divided into four units, one for each letter. First is Wonder, with Cheng Xiao, Bona, and Dayoung. Second is Joy, with Xuanyi, Eunseo, and Yeoreum. Third is Sweet, with Seola, Exy, and Soobin. And fourth is Natural, with Meiqi, Luda, and Dawon. After these units were formed, a 13th member, Yeonjung, was added as well. After being on hiatus since 2018, the three Chinese members, Xuanyi, Cheng Xiao, and Meiqi officially left the group in early 2023. Sorry, that was a lot of names, so deep breaths and let’s do this.

They officially debuted in 2016 with MoMoMo, which is one of the most bubblegum-y bubblegum songs I’ve seen in a while. It’s basically a k-pop stereotype at this point: lots of aegyo, completely coordinated school girl clothes, short skirts, childish love, and very poppy beats. I associate WJSN with more ethereal pop, so this was a (somewhat unwelcome) surprise for me. As often happens to me in k-pop, while I did appreciate its comic book style animation and humor, the excessive aegyo made me uncomfortable (see my review of TXT’s Cat and Dog or LOONA’s Hi High). This isn’t the song’s fault; it’s exactly what it’s supposed to be, but it does mean I won’t be listening to it again.

I’m unsure if Catch Me is also a single or just an opportunity for a dance practice, but it embraces the other side of k-pop stereotypes: a sort-of anti-drop, girl-crush, uncomfortably-sexualized…thing? that tries a bit too hard to be cool. WJSN’s talent elevates it, but even they can only do so much with a song that doesn’t have any character.

The 1st EP, Would You Like?, starts with an intro, Space Cowgirl, that I actually liked more than MoMoMo, and I wish more of its self-assured, smooth synths carried into the song. I liked parts of some of the songs, like the twinkling piano and extended bridge in Tick Tock, but most of them sounded very similar to other songs I’ve heard, and so didn’t stick out to me all that much. I could name at least five exactly like Take My Breath.

Secret begins the sound that I know from WJSN, still drawing on the poppiness, cutesiness, and high vocals of MoMoMo, but pairing it with more toned-on synths, more pointed voices, and more poised dancing, a combination that would become their staple in the next few years. It’s quite interesting to see it here feeling a little less polished. I totally get why they gained the nickname “Cosmic Girls” now, with all the space inspiration here, and while the song itself is nothing groundbreaking, I really liked that lead-in to the last chorus.

The Secret, the EP, has a couple songs I liked. BeBe leans a bit too far into aegyo for me personally, but I enjoy its boundless energy and catchiness. Also, that harmonizing in the last chorus? Sign me up. I also enjoyed the frizzy electronic background of Robot, which reminded me a bit of an f(x) song, although it felt more restrained than one of theirs.

I Wish has a slightly more funk-inspired opening than Secret, and while it still has the roots of aegyo, I’d say it follows the pattern of their songs slowly getting more mature. Still got the schoolgirl outfits, though. The chorus and its “tell me why” is pretty catchy, I will say, and I appreciated a lot of the MV’s visuals in the social media posts, floating lanterns, and emojis.

From. WJSN’s Say Yes caught my attention with its finger-snapping background and slightly Latin-pop-esque warm acoustic guitar. I thought it provided a good contrast to their very electronic synth-heavy music, and made me appreciate their vocals a lot more, especially Yeonjung and Dayoung. The “juseyo, juseyo” is stuck in my head now, and I’m not mad about it. It makes a great addition to my sleep playlist.

Kiss Me’s intro had me intrigued right off the bat, with its fun surf guitar background, and its continuing through the song made this one stand out. I also liked the harsher hand-clapping percussion mixed with the pop, and that the chorus felt like a much more natural progression of the verses and pre-chorus. Still not a fan of the rapping, which comes out of nowhere, but overall this was a great summer track and it got stuck in my head.

Happy is a return to the bubbly, kind-of sporty concept of MoMoMo that was so popular in mid-3rd gen (Red Velvet’s Happiness, TWICE’s Cheer Up, or Fromis_9’s FUN, for example), and I’d be lying if I said I was as happy to see it as the song wants me to be. I definitely liked the humor and the ultra-saturation of the music video, and ended up laughing a good few times. But overall, I’m not a fan of this concept or this type of song, and this song does nothing to change my mind. Also, I feel like the chorus, though it’s pretty good, doesn’t fit in with the rest of the song. I think it’s the sudden tempo change.

Happy Moment is a full album, so there’s a lot to talk about. I liked the bubbly distortion in Miracle, (honestly I wonder why it wasn’t a single, because it really feels like one), the vocalizing in Mr. BadBoy’s choruses, the minimalistic background of Babyface’s verses, the roller skating rush of Geeminy, and especially the lovely musical catharsis of Closer To You (damn, Yeonjung, what a note to end on!). Again, though, what I really liked were parts and besides Closer To You, I didn’t like any song enough to consider it a hidden gem. I know that Happy leans very much into aegyo, but the names of a lot of these songs felt a bit too babyish even for that, and I don’t think that the album needed to be so long, because so many of its tracks felt like filler. I would rather have a five or six track, great-all-the-way-through EP like, say Sunmi’s Warning or SEVENTEEN’s Haeng-Geurae, than a half-as-good album twice that long.

Dreams Come True, I’m happy to say, builds on the good that both Kiss Me and I Wish started, working in more interesting percussion and more ethereal synths. Funnily enough, it goes so far into understated that I didn’t realize the chorus had started until it was almost over, and while it’s got a good base, I think that it needs a stronger, more obvious hook to turn into a classic. I did really like that delicate bridge, though.

Dream Your Dream, the EP, starts strong with Love O’Clock, which doesn’t bother with a drawn out build-up, instead rushing forward right from the first moment. I liked the harmonizing, the strong drumbeat, and the catchiness. I also enjoyed Renaissance’s swirling and soaring vocals (another b-side that could’ve been a single) and Thawing, despite its odder sound effects, charmed me with its earnestness.

Save Me, Save You was the first WJSN song I heard, and is probably the one that best sums up their style. It starts soft, almost not there in the first verse, then tiptoes its way through the pre-chorus, and with a couple drum beats, that magical chorus takes over and suddenly you’re floating. As mentioned, their songs are often a bit too bubbly or understated for me, but I can acknowledge when a song does its style well, and this one absolutely does. I didn’t even mind the rap! I like the setting of the magic school and the incredibly fast shifting in the eyes between the bridge and the last chorus, but I wish it drew itself out more, to make the best use of that excellent vocalizing.

From WJ Please?, the EP, I really had a good time nodding my head to You, You, You, especially during its bridge and last chorus and I added it to my roller skating playlist. I also enjoyed the hints of flamenco and layered strings in the background of I-Yah, a surprisingly lovely sound for the title. It really reminded me of I Knew It by Sonamoo, one of my favorite Latin-pop inspired K-pop tracks. Masquerade also has a great use of strings, this time combined with a gentle piano, and Hurry Up uses a brightly jazzy beat to add some contrast. These four together absolutely make this my favorite EP so far, which is pretty funny, as all these songs are better than the title.

La La Love’s Carnival setting is interesting, and is the decision to have a pre-chorus that leans into sing-talk. The choice mostly works and doesn’t interrupt the good flow that the song has, and I like the high vocalizing that twinkles around the chorus. On the whole, the song is pretty enjoyable and gentle, but, like I usually do, I wish it had more of a hook that would make it stick in my head. Completely different from the last EP, I didn’t have a hidden gem for this one, though I thought 12 O’Clock was nice.

With how much I liked their last summer comeback, I was excited for Boogie Up. The song is pretty upbeat and on the whole, reminds me of a much more bubbly version of Red Flavor by Red Velvet. It’s catchy, but it has a bit too empty of a chorus for me, and doesn’t innovate on a pretty tried-and-true pop formula enough to stand out. I do like the fun instrumental and the bridge, though. Their bridges are almost always pretty great.

From the EP For The Summer, I honestly really liked the song For The Summer with its bright and flouncy energy (though as I often do, I thought the rap was unnecessary), and the horns were a nice touch. Let’s Dance follows in the stead of WJ Please’s great, Latin-pop inspired b-sides, though I don’t think it’s quite as unique as those.

As You Wish has a very bouncy beat from the beginning, and its excellent electronic sound draws from disco. Its pre-chorus build is great as well, and the chorus delivers, making it both one of my favorite titles so far and what I’m sure will become a fixture on my roller-skating playlists. Its last chorus is delightfully bright, but my favorite part is absolutely that outro, which brings together the vocals and the instrumentals perfectly and should’ve been so much longer. From the EP, also titled As You Wish, I liked the vocal showcase and twinkling piano in Lights Up, and the drumline beat of Don’t Touch.

Butterfly is another song I already knew by WJSN, and its bubbly energy works surprisingly well for me. I think this is the first of their title tracks that has a deeper meaning than an average love song, and I’m very happy to see it. There’s never enough songs about freedom and being yourself, in my opinion. The last chorus’ vocalizations, as often in WJSN’s singles, elevates the song greatly, and its fizzy instrumental brings everything together. The visuals of flowing white dresses and puffy clouds are a great addition too.

From Neverland, while I enjoyed the back and forth, rushing energy of Hola and the string-led instrumentation of Where You Are, my hidden gem was absolutely Pantomime. I first heard it while watching Queendom, and though I do definitely prefer the more 20’s jazz-inspired, more theatrical version from their stage there, there’s still a lot to love here. I especially enjoy how clipped and off-beat it is, setting it apart from WJSN other’s b-sides.

Unnatural is a bit of a darker counterpart to Butterfly, also about not quite fitting into normalcy (hence the title). I really liked the rap in this one, and how well it fit into the tempo. Also, the way the pre-chorus pulls back and then rushes forward is great. I like the more minimalistic instrumentals and how they let the vocals flow and speak for themselves. Overall, I think it’s one of their strongest outings. From Unnatural, the EP, I really liked the mix between WJSN’s high voices and the self-assured tone and beat in Last Dance, though I wish the instrumental was more distinctive.

Last Sequence is, at time of writing, WJSN’s most recent comeback, from a year ago. It also falls into the more minimalistic electro-pop synth style of their last few singles, which of course I’m in favor of. I do feel like the chorus needed more of a lead-in than it has, but besides that, I do really like this one. As always, its bridge is great and so is the lead-in to the last chorus (the yeongwohni, yeongwohni, yeongwohni is stuck in my head now). I didn’t have a hidden gem for this comeback, as it’s only a 3-song single.

I’m glad I did this! Like I said, I didn’t know much about WJSN before this review. But, I’ve learned that they were an important part in making what I now consider a very classic 3rd generation K-pop sound, and their music became the blueprint for many groups afterward. I’ve watched some interviews and had some good laughs, and even seen a couple compilations of their best performances on Queendom. I definitely liked their later music more than their earlier, though, and after hearing their work, I’m sad that they don’t come back nearly as often as they used to.

My Top 5 songs are Butterfly, Last Sequence, Kiss Me, I-Yah, and Hurry Up, with Pantomime as an honorable mention . WJSN gets an 8.25 out of 10 from me. I think that on the whole, their songs are pretty good and there were very few I actively disliked. The biggest issue I face is that I listen to and analyze So. Much. K-pop. (probably thousands of songs by now) and because of that, only the groups that do something unique or innovative, have incredible voices, self-produce, or consistently discuss important subjects in their work really stick with me. WJSN is very talented, but while they have a niche, they don’t really add anything new to what’s been done time and time again.

Next time, I have a very special soloist review coming up, that’s going to come out on December 18th (a day late). If you know your k-pop and my blog, you can probably guess what it is. It’ll be a bit different from a usual review, but I felt like it was time. Tschüss!

[lain-at-the-gay-bar]

lucky! hiii! i am bored on a train rn, sorry about the rambling....

first of all i am so sorry you had to learn german in school, fucked up language fr...(<- i am allowed to say this, you have to be nice to me and tell me you're sure i sound lovely speaking german and also you love my accent so much)

also i agree the Sie thing is kind of weird, like i am used to it, you kind of get a feeling for who to use what for, like there's absolutely older people who are chill with du but there's also some who are very much not..bizarre concept to me. to be fair there's people i'd feel weird using du for but most of the time du would just be soo much more chill?

the thing about it i hate the most tho is that sometimes in movie/series/book translations they just use Sie for waay too long imo, it just makes it super uncomfortable, i hate it so so much...

also the Sue/sie thing is stupid af, german and it's capitalisation are so annoying, why does this language need that many capital letters?🙄

HI EMMI :D ok honestly i think the fact that i had to learn it in school kinda fucked up my opinion of german like usually i really like learning languages but that was. well i almost failed on it. das ist die leben (did i do it right? probably not)

in dutch using U is becoming rarer and rarer, and i was used to never ever using it but now im doing a hospitality study so the teachers actually care about me using U, if not for them then for the customers lol. and that while i was used to calling my teachers either by first name or by whatever class they teach (think ms english, ms dutch, mr photoshop...)

the like.. using sie and stuff for strangers trips me up sooo bad, i would probs sound like worlds rudest person in any country with those kinds of honorifics.. well i am kind of rude tbh. but also nice?

you know what else is annoying about german... die/der/das. i mean i know dutch also has that problem (de/het) but its so stupid like all countries should just pick their favorite IT WOULD BE SM SIMPLER!! but well that will neva happen :[ de and het are just completly random half of the time and so people learning the language contantly mess it up cuz its STUPID!! ok rant over

oh yeah and im sure you sound lovely speaking german and i love your accent so much ^_^

[the-gentle-survived]

give you my wild: the death of youth & hope in tortured poets (part one)

in honor of ttpd’s first birthday, i wanted to rant about my favorite thematic throughline on the album, wildness as youth and potential. but before we get into ttpd, we have to go back to the albums that got us here!

to me, this theme first pops up on folklore, particularly in seven and peace. when she talks about youth and childhood in seven, it’s depicted as something wild. before i learned civility, i used to scream ferociously any time i wanted. the song is both a love letter to a half-remembered childhood friend and a plea for this person to remember her as she was, as she knows she won’t be again, because she has learned civility now. she has lost the essentially naive thing that compels her to suggest becoming pirates and moving across the globe when faced with something scary and, to her, unfathomable. more than that, she’s asking the question are there still beautiful things?, as in, does this kind of youth still exist, and can i ever return to that way of seeing the world, as something simple and fundamentally good? 

peace is so deeply intertwined with that wistfulness. our coming-of-age has come and gone. that childlike chaos is over, it’s time to grow up. but more tragic than her giving up on reclaiming her youth is her demonization of the same things she was longing for in seven. it’s just around the corner, darling, cause it lives in me, no i could never give you peace. and yes, this is referring to the danger in the previous line, but to me that’s the same thing as the wildness of her youth. it’s all intertwined with how deeply she feels things (screaming ferociously) and how hopeful she is in the face of tragedy (becoming pirates) i’m a fire. i would die for you in secret. you got a friend in me. and this all leads into the first direct mention of wildness that feels thematically relevant: give you my wild, give you a child. i don’t think these concepts are linked just because they rhyme, i think they’re linked because they are, for all intents and purposes, the same thing. the loss of her youth is the same thing, to her, as becoming a mother. she has to become an enforcer of civility, has to watch her child grow up and in many cases, encourage them to

part two | part three | part four

[isthishhome]

Do you think that if I return to the places we once went to, I’ll find pieces of you there?

Maybe I’ll see you at the train station, waiting—casually smiling as I fall into your arms for a long hug. Maybe I’ll feel your hand in mine, or hear your voice telling me you missed me too.

Do you think I’ll find you at the corner of McDonald’s in Megamall—your McCafe half empty, your food untouched? Maybe I can sit across from you and listen as you rant about your pending plates, how this isn’t the course you wanted, how you once dreamed of being a musician or an artist—but you were too afraid to become someone your father wouldn’t understand.

Can I hold your hand while you open up?

Can I walk you home again? Maybe you’ll offer me one earbud and we’ll listen to Tagpuan by Moira Dela Torre. I’ll tell you I haven’t heard it before (even though I have—but you love it, and now I understand why).

I’ll steal a glance at you just as the golden hour hits your face—perfect, unforgettable.

You might think it’s ridiculous—finding pieces of a person in the places you once went to—but what else am I supposed to do when all you left me with are memories? A Timezone photobooth picture with “I love you” scribbled on the back, long after we stopped talking. A familiar scent in a stranger’s jacket. A song I still play. A reason to keep writing.

Ask me why I still ride the train or the bus without a destination. It’s not the journey—it’s the hope of running into you again.

I once thought these were signs—a message from the universe that our paths might cross again. Of all the names I could’ve seen, why does it always have to be yours?

I filled every void with your memory: sketched your face across journal pages, gathered quotes from books and movies that reminded me of you.

This yearning has no shape but letters you’ll never read. My words rest on my tongue, aching to be spoken—only to be swallowed back down.

I know I said I’d stop writing, but what else am I supposed to do with this longing? This begrudging feeling that I’m not where I’m supposed to be—because you’re not here?

What do I do with the love that keeps coming back to you?

—If you told me to come see you, I’m already at the North Avenue station.

words & photo by: samantha vier

[ginevrastilinski-ocs]

GoT Babies! Finally!

Again, thank you @randomestfandoms-ocs for helping me with fcs and ideas, and hearing me rant about them for like a month lmao I will end up with more babies for sure (+ I have the Dany's gf half planned but no name or fc) but for now...

Abrogail Baratheon - Robert and Cersei's only daughter; the rightful heir to the throne; married seven different times during canon (inspired by The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo) but is actually madly in love with Sansa Stark FC: Alexandra Dowling

Lyarra Stark - the eldest Stark child; would die to protect her family; convinces Loras to marry Sansa to protect her so Tyrion ends up marrying her as "punishment" instead (jokes on you, they're already friends and also she's kinda into him so you just did her a favour lol); still need to decide how much canon divergent I want her to be ngl FC: Millie Brady

Cecelia Tyrell - the youngest Tyrell child (circa 9/10 during s1); is in King's Landing with Loras bc she's a wild baby and wants to become a knight (and Oleanna said Loras pls take her with you we can't handle her anymore); will be known as The Knight Of Roses FC: Millie Bobby Brown

Leta Arryn | Lyta Rivers - John Arryn's daughter; ran away bc she found out the Lannincest and knew they would kill her too just like her father; ends up at the Wall, says that she's a bastard from the Riverlands; mockingly called Lady of the Walll; Jon ship FC: Isolda Dychauk

Josanna Lannister Baratheon - Joffrey's twin sister; has been promised and then marries Robb in the very first episode, technically never met but have been secretly sending each other letters for years; Robb ship ofc FC: Amanda Seyfried

[midnightmeteora]

MEDIA THREAD-FEBRUARY

A short month no doubt, spent most of it drawing (I gonna try to finish those wips I swear). Anyway:

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14.-Hazbin Hotel (season 1)

I'm not someone who enjoys negative ranting on media. But oh my god I didn't like this show. Thankfully I watched this along side my GF and my Bestie but still, it was quite dreadful getting through this show. The script was annoying. All of those parodies about Vivzie's shows are true, there's always a swear in most sentences. It stops being funny and it becomes annoying, cringe even. I don't get this show, is it a comedy or a genuine attempt of making a social commentary??? It tries to tell a story about redemption and the value of change, but it doesn't have the pay off nor the build up to excel imo. For most of the runtime, this show barely attempts to dive deep into the nuance of the characters, most of the time if there is nuance to be found. It later decides to either treat it as a joke or rush to no end, lacking the payoff expected for serious issues like sexual and psychological abuse. The visuals were also kinda sucky. It has a unique style no doubt. But everything blends together when there's so much color overlap and over designed characters with similar motifs and color palettes. Most of the songs are alright on their own, but in the show itself, I only enjoyed like half of them. Yeah this show wasn't for me, and the more I think about it, the angrier I get ngl.

. #15.-Kimi ni Todoke (season 1)

Love letter to shojo media (? One of my favorite shows rn, it's so comfy, yet it still pulls them punches with the drama when it needs to. Every character is so loveable and the humor is wholesome fun. I really like how it develops the characters thru meaningful interactions and moments that pushes these teens foward. I'm loving this show, quite excited for S3 later on this year :]

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#16.-Sonic Frontiers (main game replay and update 2 content playthrough)

I still really like this game! Admitedly, its luster did shine off a bit now that it's been a while since the original release. This time more cracks became more noticeable to me, particularly the plot itself is rather empty and on a second playthrough it brings the game down a tad bit. The last section in Ouranos island is veryy weak plot wise, even though I had a blast with the gameplay. I still believe that this is a cleverly designed game, but I wished it had more production values behind it. By far the main aspect that will age the game later on. This game kinda lacks the visual aesthetic and presence that many other games in this franchise have. Not only that, the new additions like the jump acceleration kind of made some of the open zone sections kind of dry... I really look foward to the next mainline game, this game is still the best step in the right direction it could've been. The update 2 content was also really fun! I really like the action challenges and the new kokos were neat to get. I mightttt need another replay to abuse the spindash to hell and back, but I still need to finish new horizons as of writing.

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#17.-Sonic Frontiers: Final Horizons update

Damn was this a mixbag. I'm a bit underwhelmed ngl. It wasn't bad, but it kinda pushed the game to its absolute limits, and not in a pleasant way. The unrefinement from the main game is in an all time high. The new island content and characters are ok. Amy is fine for the most part, doe I wish she was able to wall climb. Knuckles was so much fun and I hope they use this template for future appearances. And Tails' tornado was so broken that made his sections redundant. I think everyone but knuckles kinda show the issues with the open zone. You can skip so much of the platforming that it kinda robs you from the main draw of the game. The new cyberspace levels are really cool!! But I did not enjoy completing the extra missions, they made the experience far more frustrating and unpleasant, not only that but you hardly even need to engange with cyberspace, but i'll get to it in a second. The new mixes are nice and the new levels are pretty sick and fun to speedrun but I still feel like they don't benefit from the asset re-use and the weird jank the game has.

The tower challenges were a bit of a mixbag, the platforming got a bit obnoxious on tower 2 and 4 ngl, but I did enjoy the trials. Trial 5 is no doubt quite infamous, but I actually found it fun, I liked figuring out how to minmax my time defeating the titans. It kinda show how clunky the parry and the animations are however, and yet, it also made me appreciate the enemy design and the combat way more than I already did! Finally, we got a new final boss battle, and it was alright? The spectacle was nice, but after all the things I had to do to even get there, I'd rather have the original ouranos island section as easy and anticlimatic it might've been. The new added story wasn't that much different either, just a tad more flashy with a bit more involvement from the main cast. Overall it was an ok addition, but I wished I didn't spent that much time doing the extra missions and stuff, many of the parts of this update lacks the incentive I desired and at times, the payoff I expected. Which is why it felt underwhelming for me. I hope the next game is an improvement over final horizons, if this is going to be the main base for the forseeable future, then there's still work to be done.

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#18.-Super Mario Bros (NES)

I'm starting to play more retro games as of lately since I really want to have more games that I can replay whenever I want a quick gaming session aside from Mega man and Sonic. So I'm want to try the 2D Mario games since admitedly, I was never a Mario guy (If you couldn't tell by my Sonic fanatism). 2D Mario has never grabbed my attention since it is rather vanilla and the "new super mario" series also left a very bad taste in my mouth just like everyone else growing up. Anyway, og super mario on NES was fun tbh. It is quite challenging for modern standards, but I found plenty to like tbh. The potential for further replays is hampered by those tight physics doe, I'm already playing SMB3 (I'm gonna skip 2 for the time being tbh) and I can already tell that the control was pretty tight in this first game. Hammer bros are really agressive too. I'm glad I'm finally beat this game, even though it cramped my hands like a MF bc I played this on a 3DS.

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#19.-Kimi Ni Todoke (Season 2)

THIS WAS PRETTY GOOD, the drama got pretty interesting and it developed the characters extremely well. It has a ton of nuance that I want to rewatch and admire all over again ngl. Left extremely soft after watching it. Can't wait for season 3

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Might start to do more stand alone posts from now on if I want to continue logging these opinions lol.