#now it becomes half rant half love letter

[sophiethewitch1]

What We Want - Chpt. 7 - Black N' White Knight

In Which A Romantic Breaks The Universe

(Yandere!batboys x f!reader) 18+ MDNI!

SUMMARY

Another lonely birthday, another empty year. You miss your family. You're late for your bills and rent, and even then, you got robbed last Tuesday.

Still, you buy yourself a cupcake, because you need it. I mean, hey. What's dessert for if not to get over cheating boyfriends and dead relatives?

As you blow out the candle, watching the clock switch from 11:59 pm to midnight of the next day, you make a wish.

And because the world doesn't like to make much sense, it comes true. Your life is suddenly flipped on a dime, and you're stuck trying to catch up with it. Fantasy becomes reality. You're a Wayne now, apparently. Or you used to be. You're loved, you're rich, you're talented and powerful.

Well, sort of. Careful what you wish for, right?

(TRIGGER WARNINGS AND MASTERLIST HERE)

PREV - NEXT

“I can’t believe that just happened,” Dick tells Tim, hand carting through his hair. The two of them are in the kitchen, at the breakfast bar. Tim sitting in front of his laptop with his legs crossed, and Dick tapping one foot agitatedly against the marble floor. While Tim might not be grinning ear to ear, it’s pretty obvious for anyone who knows him that he’s delighted by the tale Dick just regaled to him.

And what a tale it was. He hasn’t seen you in a year and a half, and then when he does, he finds you teary eyed staring at a picture of him shirtless at the gym. Bruce had always told him the way he played with the paparazzi would come to bite him in the ass one day, but he really can’t say he expected… that.

Obviously, it had to be a prank. That’s his first thought. That’s his only thought, really. What other explanation could there be? An accident? Maybe you’d forgotten what his room looked like. It wasn’t like he kept much personal stuff in his Wayne manor room, the only markers his clothes and the letters he kept in his drawer from his parents.

And you were wearing his clothes, of all things. He’d be surprised if you forgot how much of a Superman fanboy he was, seeing as he’d spent many hours ranting to you before the explosion. So, a prank. A show of good will, an olive branch maybe? It was more likely you were just fucking with his head, as you’d done in the past. Never like this, though.

This was just… bizarre.

“I can’t either,” and of course, Tim sounds near estatic saying that. The love of chaos ran true in that one.

Dick had managed to wrangle his life under control a few years back, and despite the universe seeming to try to unravel it at the seams, he was indisposed to let it simply happen. Even if you of all people had changed. No, Dick was getting older, and he was finding his taste for chaos a lot more… limited.

He didn’t want to suffer it’s affects. He was currently suffering it’s affects.

“I knew something was going on when she showed up to the party, but this…” Tim pauses, leaning back in his chair, “It’s gotta be a prank, right?”

It said a lot about their family that this was all the assumption they defaulted to.

“It could be something else. Did you even take her to the hospital after?” Dick offers instead, overthinking as always. This situation seemed to be made for overthinking, though.

Tim hums. “No, we did not.”

Then he turns his stare to Dick, like he’s expecting something from him.

“Seriously?”

“What? You’re the friendly one.”

Dick very much did his best to seem like the friendly one, at least. Tim was well aware it was a complete farce, though. Dick was nice but he could also be a bit… well… a bit of a dick. Another thing he’d been trying to overcome. He was doing better than when he’d been seven, at least.

Dick sighs, pressing his hand to his forehead, “I’d probably just end up accidentally nagging her, and then she’d never speak to me again.”

“That’s not my problem,” Tim shrugs, glancing back down at his laptop and squinting.

“It is, actually. Because if she stopped talking to me you’d probably be the next one till the girls and Duke came home who has to talk to her.”

“She could talk to Jay,” Tim offers, because he’s a shithead. Dick bets he did the same with Bruce, “And besides, I’m busy doing surveillance.”

“You mean stalking.”

“I do it to everybody, stop making such a big deal out of it.”

Dick sighs again.

“Hm, you might want to check your phone,” Tim says, in a way that suggests he has once again tapped the network. Keeping him out of Dick’s private life was like Sisyphus and his boulder. He still wasn't going to give up, and the time Tim and Steph mercilessly bullied him for getting dumped over text had made him all the more so.

‘Dont_try’: hey. can you come pick me up? thx

“Please, tell me you sent that and are just messing with me,” Dick begs, staring down at his phone in mild despair. Chaos. Always fucking chaos. Despite how hard he tried, he could not keep his family out of trouble. God damn it, when he’d gotten this job he’d been the one made for trouble. Where did he go wrong?

“Honestly, sounds like the sort of thing I’d do, but the girl just got bitch slapped so I really think you should respond fast.”

“What?!”

“She’s fine now, run to the bathrooms I think. You know for such an upstate place you’d think they had better camera positioning,” Tim mutters, complaining that he can’t watch every single little movement you make. Dick thinks he should probably worry about this, as it’s a clear sign of another decline for his sanity, but he’s now got this shit to deal with.

“Why, Tim? What is going on? Just tell me what’s going on.”

“Hm?” he’s engrossed by the computer, “Ah, the shitty boyfriend… some soup- ha, how is she such a clutz? Maybe we should get her head checked again- and… an altercation of some kind? I don’t know, I can’t see it properly.”

Dick leans forward in his stool, clasped hands covering his face for a moment.

“Are you going to reply? If you don’t soon, she’ll probably make it a bigger shitshow,” Tim says, nudging his foot against Dick’s. Dick, good big brother that he is, takes a deep breath and steadies himself. Even if this is really not what he wanted for his holiday, he’s dealt with much, much worse.

The press will have forgotten about this within the week. You, however, likely not. He’d promised to help you all those years ago, and even if he had no idea why you were reaching out to him, or if you would even be amicable when you met again, he’d still damn well do it.

He glances back down at his phone.

“What is going on?” Dick repeats to himself, and Tim’s head cocks to the side. There’s that familiar cat that got the cream grin spreading across his younger brother’s face, and it just really isn’t welcome right now.

“Intrigued yet?”

Unfortunately for both him, Tim and especially you, Dick already was.

He’s in his car in five minutes flat, finger tapping against the premium leather wheel. The sound of it is the only thing that manages to keep him sane.

Riding up to the place, Dick realises that no, maybe the press won’t be over this within the week. Considering the amount of paparazzi swarming the place, he doubted you’d be free for at least a few months. To be fair, the mysterious ex-wayne making such a scene was a bit of a big deal. Before you’d been basically invisible, despite your immense wealth and past.

Invisible? Dick thinks he spots at least twenty cameras. And that’s not even mentioning all the phones inside that would’ve gotten up close videos of whatever happened. Their legal team would handle it fine, that which Barbara or Tim couldn’t wipe from the face of the earth. And that was very little, all things considered.

Dick has to push past the calls of his name, ignoring all the intrusive questions volleyed his way like the pro he was. He still makes sure to listen carefully and store away every vital bit of information, as well as remember the logos on the film crew’s van. Eventually he makes his way to the front of the line, and the flustered front of house immediately recognises his face and sweeps him inside. Dick ducks in with a thankful smile, which he admits, falters when he enters the scene.

A scene which you are not in. Your gold digging boyfriend was, though. Of all the things Dick regrets with you, it’s not breaking the horrid relationship the two of you had apart. Or well, the fact that you totally, loudly hated his guts. He was a sensitive guy, y’know!

He sees your terribly boyfriend - George, Dick remembers - raging at some poor servers, and he knows he need to go sweep in and save the pour soul. It’ll be a hard fight, he can already tell.

Before he does so, he sends a quick text to his phone.

Underwear_guy: Where are you?

Don’t_try: I’ll be right out.

Shockingly, that was the truth. You come striding into the restaurant, and immediately all eyes are on you. It makes you stutter-step. Dick can see you visibly stiffen up, before you manage to gather your courage and keep walking. You don’t even pay him a single glance as you walk straight towards your fuming boyfriend.

You try to whisper, keeping your voice quiet and your conversation private. The boyfriend seems uninterested in the idea.

“What the fuck are you thinking?!” he cuts you off.

You glance around, and then say something else. It seems like you’re trying to defuse the situation, but George seems uninterested by the idea. 

“This behaviour is ridiculous. You need to get it together, we’re in public!” he yells, like he isn’t the one causing a scene. He seems to be trying to intimidate you back into silence. But today and well, yesterday too, something is different about you.

Okay, that’s enough of that. Dick’s intervening.

“You cheated on me! You deserve it and everything that’s coming to you!”

Or, uh, maybe you’ve got it covered.

-

George’s shocked face is almost worse than when you literally bit him. Guess he expected you to be a bit more demure after that encounter. He should know better, the other version of you seemed to have been even more spiteful in nature.

Today again, you prove you are a less than stellar person. You’d stopped caring about George as soon as you’d discovered he’d cheated, but you were still angry. Not jealous, but furious. Bubbling up your throat, rage and bile and the urge to attack him once again, even if you just want to go home.

Your teeth grind. Your jaw ticks. And oddly, you realise you have a real taste for George Lancaster’s limbs.

Though your life had changed (literally) in the past few days, you were still the same girl from your first twenty-first. You wanted George Lancaster to suffer. Even more so, now that the evil cunt had hit you right in the face. The hit had stunned you, though. More emotionally than physically, but it had shocked you.

You couldn’t say you were a coward. You’d spent far too many days in your teenage years indulging in self-destructive behaviours to think that. But something about this pathetic man was scaring the shit out of you. You think that made you more pathetic, but you couldn’t quite tell. That’d be victim blaming, right?

You did have a habit of blaming yourself. It was just usually your fault.

…Maybe you shouldn’t have bit him, no matter how much the response was instinctual or his screech was satisfying. This was all too confusing, all too much. You needed to get back to your apartment, lock the doors and barricade them so nobody bothers you. And then maybe hibernate for a week. You needed some time to process all the stupid bullshit you were experiencing. The wayne manor was too much, your horrible white apartment was too much, George fucking Lancaster was too fucking god damn much.

You take a deep breath, and manage to stop yourself from bolting like a deer. Deal with the problem at hand. Deal with it now, deal with it!

“I’m leaving, and we are done. It’s that simple,” you tell George, trying to drill in a message that he seems unable to comprehend. At this point you’d assume he’d be trying to apologise, manipulate back into his good graces, but you think you might’ve completely broke him. Broke the script.

Good. That was damn well good.

“Can we talk about this somewhere else at least?” George replies, eyes flicking to Richard Grayson’s angry gaze. At least you think he’s angry. You can’t quite gather the courage to look directly at him.

Also, there’s the manipulation! You wish you weren’t right this time.

“Sure, but I’m bringing him, and my answer will absolutely not change. You hit me.”

“You bit me!”

Well, yeah, not your best moment. You don’t think you can regret it, though.

“Then I think this relationship is ending on equal terms,” you reply, trying your best to just get him to quit it. It is obviously not working by the way his expression darkens.

“I’ll tell the press everything,” George threatens, which, well, is sort of a shitty threat because I don’t even know what he’s threatening. ‘Everything’? Couldn’t he be a bit more specific?

You shrug. It is the wrong response, you know it is, but you’ve completely ran dry of fucks to give. Couldn’t be much worse than the bullshit happening right now. The press were already very well fed, considering the situation that was today. George makes a small sound of fury.

“We’ll sue,” Richard Grayson, the white knight that you’d daydreamed about, comes to your rescue. Is it odd that it’s kind of flustering? You probably shouldn’t be flustered.

George immediately snaps his gaze to Grayson’s, giving the man a look with a healthy dose of fear. Couldn’t blame the guy. Even if he was the second smallest of the three remaining brothers, he was still well known for being strong. His family often did kick-boxing, and their sister, Cass, often whooped their asses. It was sort of satisfying to watch. Anyway, his physical prowess from fighting to weirdo gymnastic bullshit was evident in his svelte build.

George was many things, but he wasn’t an idiot. With just the one threat from the Waynes legal team, he skitters away like the little rat you know him to be. He leaves the restaurant, and he very obviously does not pay or even leave a tip. You suppose you have the cash to make up for it. Then, ignoring the paparazzi, you were technically home free. You glance to the side. Richard Grayson’s beautiful face looks a mix of confuddled, frustrated, and exhausted. He still saved you, though, even after the fool you made of yourself.

White knight, indeed. It almost feels a bit anticlimactic, but it’s the results you wanted. And yet, an ominous feeling befalls you. Somehow, you don’t feel you’ve seen the last of George Lancaster. You just really hope the old you hadn’t committed any crimes. A tabloid? Humiliating, but livable. Prison? Not so much.

Not that the rich stayed in prison in Gotham, or even the rest of the world. It was kind of strange to realise you were sort of above the law now.

You glance at Dick, pulling your uncomfortably wet shirt away from your chest. You’ve sort of been bled dry of any shits you could give at this point, so you decide, very maturely, to make jokes and ignore all your problems. It had gotten you this far.

You’d seen this behaviour before. Many, many times. It was what usually got you fired. But now you didn’t really have to worry about that, so why should you worry about causing a scene and ruining your life a bit more? It wasn’t yours, after all.

“What do you think?” you joke, elbowing Dick. He looks down from glaring at the entrance George just slipped out of, to you. His blue eyes are a damn near shock to the soul. It takes everything in you not to start fidgeting.

“Think of what?” he responds, and despite how hard you try, you can not read his expression.

“I’m trying to make some more news. Don’t think the reporters got enough the other day,” you say, gesturing to the giant stain. It’s still Dick’s shirt. You hadn’t realised till now, but the Beatles was now some sort of green soup. Is it kind of gross of you to acknowledge that at least the soup smelled good?

Probably. You didn’t actually get to eat anything here. It’s also probably a bit weird that you’re thinking about eating at a time like this. Probably.

“I think you’ve done enough, honestly,” he says, glancing at the camera flashes from outside.

He sounds exactly like your mother, it’s almost uncanny. Well, this version of him technically knew her. You’re still not sure how well en-meshed your two families had been before the disaster, but maybe he’d picked up some traits from her.

…That… you’re not sure how to feel about the idea. The old green monster bubbles up at the thought, and you can’t tell if you’re jealous your mum got to meet Dick Grayson, or that Dick Grayson might’ve gotten to know your mum.

“We should leave,” he says, cutting off your bitter inner thoughts, “I know you don’t like it when the magazines bother you.”

You don’t? You don’t. Yes, that makes sense, ‘you’ definitely wouldn’t have. And it’s not like you feel comfortable with them either. In fact, if you think about the fact your drowned rat appearance will be on every tabloid in the city by tomorrow, probably alongside photos from your birthday, you feel so nauseous you could collapse. Going to compartmentalise that one.

“Yes, going, let’s go,” you say, following Dick out of the restaurant.

Despite the fact that the security guards are trying their best, it’s getting quite rowdy out here. When Dick wraps an arm around your shoulder, shielding you with his body, you almost just pass out right there. His muscles… Your heart simply can’t take it. As it is, Dick notices you jump like a foot in the air, and backs off. He still makes sure to try and protect you from their vision as much as possible.

Still, in an act that is purely rebellious, you turn and give them a big smile and a wave. Even as you hate every single person on the other side of the divide, you want to make one thing very clear. You will not be cowed by someone like George fucking Lancaster. Your peace sign and wink are a message to them, to him, and to yourself.

Despite the fact that this new life is one you have no idea how to handle, you know one thing. Put on a face, and it’ll always be easier.

Dick is probably wondering what the hell happened to you for you to be acting this way. Your shirt has a giant stain on it, you just broke up with your cheating boyfriend, went through a traumatising experience just a few days ago, and you’ve got the biggest grin on your face. This behaviour speaks more and more of a full blown mental breakdown. And it’s not the first you’ve had or the last.

There’s paparazzi snapping thousands of photos of the two of you, and instead of shying away as ‘you’ used to, you throw up a peace sign. One of the papps drops their camera. That confuses you a bit, as your peace sign deflates slightly. Didn’t they want more pictures? Weren’t you supposed to pose…?

For all you stalked celebrities online, you realise you have no idea how to pretend to be one. This is going to become an issue, you can already tell.

He points at a car, and you assume it’s his because he starts making his way over. He’s obviously done this sort of thing before, using and guiding the security with a smooth confidence. Even still, the two of you are a bit too close for comfort.

Which you prove, by putting your foot directly in your mouth.

“I don’t have abs, but do you think the press would like my stomach like they like yours?” you say, and almost immediately regret it. Another poor joke. You are deflecting so hard. And why the hell did you bring that up, you dunce? You feel your brain cells draining the more you’re around this guy, it’s not healthy for you.

“Please don’t pull your shirt up in public,” Dick sounds like he’s about to have a mental breakdown. It’s spreading, like the plague. You’re patient zero, of course. Even still he gets you guys to the car, and opens the side door for you. You follow his wordless command and slip into the passenger seat.

“I won’t. Sorry, sorry,” you reply, to relieve him of some of the trauma you’re currently inflicting.

He glances back to the papps, and then back down at you. His smile bowls you over like he’s getting the last strike in a fucking 300. He genuinely is the most beautiful human being you’ve ever seen. Thankfully, he closes the door so you have a moment to gather your sanity before he goes around the car and gets in the driver’s seat.

You hope you’re subtle when you shift away from him slightly. It shouldn’t be that surprising really. You were stupid on average. You would be stupider around attractive people. You would be frankly disastrous around someone as blastingly hot as Dick Grayson. The Waynes in general turned you into a drooling idiot.

Good god, you need to get out of this car. As soon as you think that, Dick is pulling away from the parking spot and out onto the streets. He makes slow progress because Gotham traffic, but eventually you manage to flee the horrifying stares of the cameras. Already you can tell it’ll be giving you nightmares. Probably along with images of the guy who tried to rape you and Damian Wayne sneering at you.

“So, how are you feeling?”

Despite how you wish it not, Mr. Grayson decides he’s going to start a conversation with you.

“Good,” you reply, the answer instinctive and an obvious lie.

You can feel his gaze on the side of your face, but you don’t dare return it.

“That’s good to hear,” he says, and his voice is gentle. Sort of infantilising if you’ll be honest.

While it is very clear to anyone who looks at you that you have no idea what you’re doing, you’d rather he didn’t bring it up. You’ll figure it out. You’ve always managed to figure it out. This is what you get for asking for help. Really, despite your momentary panic you could’ve taken George. Probably not physically, but…

“You can talk to me if you want, you know?”

“Can you stop the car, please?” you respond, when that question immediately activates your fight or flight response. Dick must notice something about you, because he quickly shoots forward and into a momentarily available parking spot.

You scramble with the door, shoving your way back out onto the asphalt. The immediate distinct smell of Gotham, even Gotham’s richer districts, calms you down. Sewage, the ocean, and the ever present smoke and fog.

Fuck’s sake. You aren’t making yourself look anymore well put together.

Clearing your throat, you turn and find Richard Grayson coming around the car hood towards you. There’s a worried look in his eyes, and you really don’t know how to deal with it. It’s like you made a deal with the devil. By getting rid of George, you’d gotten a new problem - and an infinitely more complicated one.

Shit, you need to stop making rash decisions when you’re having panic attacks. You’d say you should probably try and stop having panic attacks entirely, but you don’t really know how to do that.

The sound of your name has you snapping back to attention. Dick looks even more worried.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” he asks, taking a few slow steps towards you. Again, infantilizing. Like you’re a wild animal about to run. Wait, weren’t you just comparing yourself to a chihuahua? Well, it’s not the same when other people do it.

“I’d like to take a walk,” you say, hand scrunching into your pyjama pants, “Alone, I’d like some time alone.”

“…In that?” He glances down at the stain that is slowly starting to dry. It’s making your skin itchy, but at least it’s not as cold.

“I can buy something,” you say, remembering one of the apps on your phone was connected to your bank account, which you had to assume was pretty full. It’s kind of stupid that you haven’t checked that yet.

You’re starting to feel a bit defensive towards your own intelligence. Maybe it’s because you seemingly keep making all the worst decisions.

Dick doesn’t make it any better.

“Do you have cash on you?” he asks, showing how little faith he has in your general abilities to survive as an adult in Gotham.

“I do, I’ll be fine,” you insist, because god damn it, you will be. You just need a fucking minute.

You ran from the Wayne manor because you felt like you were being watched, and then as soon as you showed up at the world’s most uncomfortable apartment, the haunting wraith known as George dragged you out in your P.J.s. You could figure it the fuck out, if these people would give you some fucking space.

Richard Grayson seems to realise that you’re getting upset, because he goes quiet for a moment. After staring at you for a moment longer, for which you manage to find the courage to maintain eye contact through pure stubborn will, he asks you one final question.

“Are you sure you don’t want a ride home or something?” he asks, still seeming so determined to help you.

His suggestion brings flashes of images of you breaking down in front of the Bruce Wayne to mind. From almost a birds eye view, you see yourself sobbing against your own ruined dress as the billionaire looked on. Bile literally jumps up your throat, and it takes a lot of willpower not to grimace at the suggestion.

“Look, Mr. Grayson, I really appreciate-”

“That’s the second time you’ve called me that.”

Once again, you feel the urge to simply sprint away from your own problems, but you manage to hold yourself still. Still, you can’t think of a solution. You can’t really think much of anything. Instead you stare at Richard Grayson with your hands threaded together and your lips pressed into a thin line.

Though you open your mouth to speak, you find you have no excuses ready or available. You’ve talked yourself into a corner already, and it’s your third day in this world. Marvellous. Maybe you should just tell the truth.

Still, the dangers outweigh the pros. They don’t know you, they don’t have any real reason to take care of you. If they believe you, they’ll toss you out onto the streets penniless. And if they don’t-

You blink. There’s a highway sign behind Dick, and it catches your attention like a lightning bolt. ‘Arkham Asylum 800 miles’. It’s white blocky letters on green panelling feels like a sign from god, warning you from the path you consider taking.

And then you realise that you might actually get sent to Arkham if you say anything, and you resolve to never tell a single soul about what has happened to you. You’ve heard enough stories about the asylum, and by god, you are not being roommates with the fucking Joker of all people.

Eventually Dick realises he’s not getting anything out of you and he sighs, shaking his head. His annoyingly perfect hair mesmerises you for a second, but you manage to wrangle your brain back under control. He really doesn’t make it easy.

“I just want to know if you’re safe. If you’re going through anything, you know we’re always happy to help-”

“Dick,” you say his name, face twisting in discomfort, “This was a… a one time thing. Usually I can handle my problems. It just… it caught me off guard. George cheating was a huge shock, and I needed someone to stand by me.”

“And you know I always will, right?”

Ah. That’s… Dick Grayson was a stranger. You didn’t know him, and more than that he did not know you. He did not know what you would do, could do. You didn’t think anyone did, not even yourself.

It’s a silly idea to expect your celebrity crush to save you, and it’s one you find you can’t stomach it at the moment. It makes you feel disgusted with yourself at the idea. It’s too indulgent, too silly. It’s very simply, not possible.

You’ve given up on relying on miracles. These lessons had been beaten into you, really. You didn’t want to have to learn them again.

Your feelings must show on your face.

Dick lets out a whoosh of air, frustration palpable. He carts his hand through his hair. It still looks perfect. The world is unfair, yadda yadda.

“You run hot and cold, you know?” he gives you a grin. It says a lot about his ability to act, seeing as it seems almost natural. Almost, being the key word.

Also, he is absolutely correct. The chihuahua effect is in full-swing. And you know what? You are probably going to continue to run hot and cold, because you’ve never made a decision in your life. He’ll just have to get used to it.

You raise your hands and shrug, in the universal ‘what-can-you-do?’ motion. He wasn’t wrong. You were being completely erratic. Not even you knew what you’d do next. At least life isn’t boring these days, right Right? You wonder who you are trying to fool, because it’s certainly not yourself.

“I’ll contact you if I need anything,” you lie, because it seems to be the right thing to end this torturous conversation, “And I’ll make sure to keep contact with Alfred. You can talk to Jeanine if you need anything, as well.”

Dick, unfortunately, calls you out on your bullshit.

“But not you, right?” he says, smile still printed on his face.

Woof. You think… you’ve hurt his feelings? Ah shit, you instantly feel like the scum of the earth. Still, you don’t know how you could fix this. Arkham is a genuine threat lingering over your shoulder, you don’t know enough about your new cut-throat billionaire world, and you can not lose any faith they have in you. Any that you have left, that is.

You’re sorry, but this is coming down to survival. And you are a greedy person, after all.

In the end, you don’t have anything to say, and Richard Grayson leaves without a word. Watching him walk towards his car, you feel… bad. Really bad. The part of you that is still crushing on this guy, a very large part of you, feels like you’ve ended the earth. The other part, the one that recognises that once again you’re going to have to fight for yourself… well, she thinks so too.

Maybe… maybe you could fix this. Apologise. Once you’ve gotten your bearings and know you’re safe and 100% financially stable, maybe you’ll figure it out. Give him his shirt back after you’ve dry-cleaned it.

For now, you give him your back as well.

MASTERLIST - NEXT

[iitsarss]

𓎟𓎟 reader x gr13f3r　caught　 ◞ ◟

ꔛ word count: 813⠀╱⠀established relationship + teen(on senior year) griefer 。

(¬_¬")⠀⠀⠀note ⠀╱⠀tw:suggestive(sort of) + mention of protection

hi guys it's your favorite griefer lover ars!!! i love this stupid asshole smmm anyways had this idea while i was in math class lol,,more notes on the end btw

It had been a long, exhausting day for Griefer. It started with his dad anxiously yelling that he was going to be late for school, even though Griefer couldn’t have cared less. Still, his dad’s constant nagging wore him down, so he grudgingly got ready. After enduring the 15-minute walk to school, he met up with some friends and killed time before the bell rang. The first few hours of class dragged on, painfully dull, except for some gossip about a couple that made the rounds—nothing too exciting.

Recess was a slight reprieve, but it was short-lived. Griefer and his friends got into a fight, which led to yet another expulsion letter to bring home. Great. Just what he needed. Another lecture from his dad about how “Brad, you can’t keep acting like this. This isn’t who you are. You need to—” Blah, blah, blah. The familiar talk he’d heard a hundred times. The remaining three hours of school went by quickly after that, but by the time he was finally free, he was completely drained.

After school, he found a spot on the stairs and busied himself with a random game on his phone, waiting for something—someone—to make the day better. And then, there you were. The moment he saw you, his heart raced. He nervously shoved his phone into his pocket, suddenly flustered by your presence. He stood to greet you, placing a trembling hand on your waist before leaning in for a kiss. Instantly, the tension left his body, and he felt a bit more at ease.

"UH... H1, B4B3."

You and Griefer had been dating for about two months, but he had been crushing on you for four years. Even now, with you officially his, he still wasn’t used to the feeling. After some small talk and wandering around town together, you both decided to head back to his place. He casually mentioned that his dad had a meeting at city hall and wouldn’t be home until around nine. It was just you and him, alone for the evening.

Once at his house, Griefer grabbed a couple of Bloxy Colas and some snacks before leading you up to his room. He shut the door behind you both and flopped onto his bed, signaling for you to join him. The afternoon was peaceful—lazy in the best way. You chatted, played some games, and even watched a movie, which Griefer spent most of the time criticizing despite being the one who had picked it. Now, as the evening settled in, Griefer lay on the bed beside you, his arm wrapped around your waist. His hand moved gently, rhythmically, up and down, soothing you while he ranted about how bad some game was. You half-listened, enjoying the comfort of his touch.

Eventually, he turned onto his side, hesitantly moving his hand to your cheek and brushing his fingers across your skin. A few seconds later, he slid his hand to your chin, his voice soft.

"Y0U L00K G00D, Y'KN0W TH4T?"

Nervously, he leaned in, bringing your lips to his. The kiss was tender, full of care, and as his hand drifted from your waist to your thigh, pulling it onto his leg, the kiss grew sloppier, more passionate. You both broke apart for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes, before Griefer, slightly embarrassed, brought your chin back toward him, kissing you again. This time, he shifted you on top of him, his hands roaming from your waist to your hair, to your arms, exploring every inch of you. The kiss deepened, becoming more heated, and soon Griefer was sitting up with you straddling his lap, his hands running rapidly along your body.

Things were getting intense—his shirt was halfway off when—

"Hey brad,I'm hom—"

Griefer froze mid-motion, his heart nearly stopping as his dad, Mayor Thaniyel, walked into the room. The poor old guy looked like he was about to have a heart attack, seeing his son half-naked with you sitting on his lap.

"D4D!" Griefer shouted, scrambling to pull his shirt back on while his dad, wide-eyed and clearly mortified, quickly closed the door.

"I’m sorry! I didn’t know! I’m so sorry!" Mayor Thaniyel stammered from the hallway, his voice echoing as he practically sprinted away to another part of the house.

Griefer, flushed with embarrassment, immediately turned to you, apologizing repeatedly while you tried to calm him down, assuring him it was fine. After you left the house, Griefer had to endure his dad apologizing at least 20 more times before awkwardly standing beside him for what was probably the most humiliating moment of his life. His dad, after taking a deep breath, said, “Brad, we should probably talk about protection before—"

"0H MY G0D, D4D!" Griefer groaned, cutting him off mid-sentence before storming back to his room, leaving his dad standing there, red-faced and stammering for words.

grrr i love griefer,anyways!! PLS DONT TAKE THE "PROTECTION" ONLY AS LIKE,FEMALE ANATOMY PROTECTION PLS!!!! i mean it as protection in general with any gender alr...uh so erm yeah i love griefer a lot and senior year griefer sounds funny to me,i want to hold him yall

[kalena-henden]

Destined With You has me intrigued. There are things I like about it (mostly Rowoon and the mystery), things that annoy me (the bad co-workers), and things that confuse me. After 4 episodes, I finally feel like I'm starting to understand what the writer is trying to do.

However, Netflix strikes again with a generic drama title that is very confusing and doesn't capture the depth or meaning of the Korean title in the slightest. (Thank goodness Viki got Doom at Your Service first cause that title is fire, even if it's not literal. I'm still shaking my fist at Netflix naming very accurate Korean title, Forest of Secrets, the boring and bland non-specific Stranger. Just why?!)

The Korean title is 이 연애는 불가항력.

The first part 이 연애는 means 'this love'. But the final word is the Korean translation of the French law terminology 'force majeure' (aka major force) which they translate as 'irresistible force'. It's a clause that is commonly used in contracts that negates some or all of the terms of a contract when an 'act of God' occurs, like a natural disaster, which would make one or both parties unable to fulfill their responsibilities. This is interesting as it gives the real title multiple meanings.

The most literal translation would be 'This Love is a Force Majeure' referencing Shinyu's profession and him being a stickler for adhering exactly to the contract terms, including verbal contracts like the ones he has with the Hongjo.

The next translation is 'This Love is an Irresistible Force' which implies that this love is almost against their will. They can't help but fall for each other. Currently, we have a quite literal interpretation of this with Shinyu accidentally drinking the love potion and now having unwanted thoughts and emotions regarding Hongjo.

Another potential translation extrapolated out of force majeure is 'This Love is an Act of God'. This implies this love is outside of human control, like destiny created by God or gods, depending on your religion. This is where I think Netflix got their generic 'destined' title. Unfortunately that 'destined' title completely negates that this writer has our leads intentionally playing with words. Not only on a banter level but also testing the letter of the law with their verbal contracts, some which are intentionally made and others they've made unknowingly. Words carry weight in this drama; not just through their emotion or meaning but in a magically binding way.

What if casting the spells isn't enough to activate them? What if the spells need words of intent to activate them?

Even though Hongjo doesn't believe it yet, she is a shaman or witch. Her words alone opened the lock on the box that held the spell book. They weren't just any words; they were words that had deep intention attached to them. After day dreaming her crush was there for her in a time of need when she was home alone, she half pleads, 'Please, can you come?' A few days later, Jaekyung has moved into the first floor of the house she rents.

When Shinyu drinks the Love Potion, nothing happens. He treats her the same way he's been treating her when she barges into his office to try to take care of the person who ran into the flowered-potted median. Any discomfort he's showing can be attributed to the fact that he is the culprit who ruined the median she is ranting over. It does however remind him how dangerous his illness has become triggering his urgency to cast the Disease Curing Spell as soon as possible. It's not until after he sees that the Love Spell is missing from the book and tells her, 'Because if you get a boyfriend, it's thanks to me.' that he has his first heart-fluttering sign of love when she tries take the book from him. He doesn't seem to have any moral issues with her using the love spell and is even trying to take credit for it since he gave her the box. After he discovers that he mistakingly drank the love potion, he's only upset that he's the one who drank it instead of her intended target. But what if drinking the love potion wasn't enough? What if it needed to be activated by his words of intention? His intention was for her to get a boyfriend.

Old Shaman to Shinyu: 'You killed her. The owner of the bloody hand that caresses your cheek. Karma will swallow you and you will struggle in horrible pain. But all the pain and curses will end. Finally, the owner of the wooden box showed up.'

Now back to our title, 'This Love is a Force Majeure'. The longstanding family curse appears to have been caused by Shinyu killing someone in his past life and curses can be considered a contract that binds people to their bad fate. If a contract is made in perpetuity, maybe the only way out is a force majeure happening. Note that 'will swallow' and 'will struggle' are future tense, they hadn't happened yet. Karma definitely seemed to swallow him whole when he unknowingly drank the love potion. It's also interesting she said he will struggle in horrible pain. We've seen him in physical pain due to the curse, but what if mental and emotional pain are added on top of this due to the love potion. The majority of this show will likely be showing him struggling through these trials as he unpacks his past life to save his future. (Hopefully... *crosses fingers and side-eyes Heartbeat*)

It's unlikely that the Disease Curing Spell is enough. It might be able to cure him of the disease but only once the magical curse has been lifted. So both spells always needed to be cast in tandem to break his curse. It's not a coincidence that Shinyu was in extreme distress when he ran into the median that Hongjo had planted the flowers on at the exact same moment she was casting the Love Spell. It caused a ripple in their fate. The beginning jumpstart of their love which needs to grow strong enough to cause a force majeure to break the curse or curses. Since Hongjo may not just be lonely, but cursed with loneliness. The signs are there. Her family is all dead. She doesn't have a boyfriend. She doesn't seem to have close friends even though she's quite friendly. Shinyu suggested that she's the reason she is alone. The Old Shaman also pointedly laments that her god wouldn't allow her to be in a relationship. This story becomes richer if Hongjo has a bad fate to overcome for herself, not just to help the male lead overcome his, but one that must be overcome together.

I'll end this with a little poetic fun from Google translate and deleting the last Korean word in the title one syllable at a time.

이 연애는 불가항력 - this love is irresistible

이 연애는 불가항 - this love is inevitable

이 연애는 불가 - this love is impossible

이 연애는 불 - this love is fire

[7s3ven]

Imagine this… jonny ‘soap’ mctavish

( angst )

You moved to Scotland soon after finishing high school so you could attend university there. In your first year, you meet John Mctavish, but he prefers if you call him Jonny.

He isn’t enrolled in the university, he just likes to wander around the grounds. He tells you of his plans to join the army and you tell him about your brother who’s a sniper.

The two of you become best friends (maybe even more) and even when he joins the army and you barely see him, the two of you exchange long letters. Whenever Jonny gets a well-needed break, he always returns to Scotland to see how you’re doing.

He tells you about joining Task Force 114 and about a man named Simon Riley, call name Ghost, who wears a skull mask to cover his face. He describes his experiences in detail, of course leaving out information he can’t share.

He shows his task force pictures of you, rambling on and on about your hobbies and your personality and how your accent is so different from his Scottish one but he likes it.

“He’s in love.” Gaz whispers to Price as they listen to Jonny rant about your perfume.

Price hides a chuckle. “Obviously. Knew it from the moment he pulled out a picture of his lass.”

Task Force 141 has never met you but Jonny was arranging it… until he got shot in the head. Ghost feels sorry for you. It was clear whatever relationship you had with Jonny was special. He knows neither of you had confessed yet and in his opinion, that hurts more. Now, you would constantly be asking yourself what if?

The team know how important Scotland was to Jonny so they book a flight to spread his ashes, half hoping not to run into you so they don’t have to face your crumbling expression.

“Sleep easy, soldier.”

“See you down the range, brother. We’ll take it from here.”

“Rest in peace, Jonny.”

Unfortunately, luck isn’t on their side. As they slowly stroll through the streets, they see you. You were beautiful in the pictures Jonny showed them but it didn’t do you justice. You were smiling widely at a friend, pushing a vase of flowers towards them.

Then you turned your head and spotted Ghost. You found it strange how a man was wearing a skull mask until it clicked. This was Jonny’s friend.

You wasted no time in sprinting towards the three men and they didn’t have enough time to change courses.

“Hey, you’re Ghost, right? Jonny’s LT? He talked about you a lot. Mainly ‘bout that mask.” You grinned, staring up at Ghost. “Is Jonny ‘round? He hasn’t written since last month. Startin’ to get worried.” You laughed as if to reassure yourself.

Gaz and Ghost exchange a look until the latter slowly holds up the urn. You pause, eyes wide. “You… you put him in that?” Suddenly, your face scrunches up. “Why is it shaped like that?”

Gaz can’t help but let out a small laugh. Yep, you’re Jonny’s alright.

“He talked about you often.” Price piped up, “Even wrote a few letters he never sent.” The older man handed you a stack of thick envelopes. “Think he was in love with ya.”

“Well, I appreciate that you came all the way to Scotland just to spread his ashes.” You softly sighed, blinking away tears. Ghost handed you the urn before digging around in his pocket, pulling out Jonny’s dog tags.

You stared down at the words inscribed into the metal, running your thumb over the neat writing. You flipped the tag over, lip trembling at the five words on the back.

I love you, Y/N - Jonny.

[keymanwritez]

Still wakes the deep headcanons !

Trots

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

° Very clean, doesn't really like messes and will chew someone out if they mess up his work station

° Has two brothers and one sister

° Never been married

° Likes tea more than coffee

° Okay ish with children, though the messes they bring and when they scream drives him to insanity

° Enjoys having the same scheduled meals each week, gets somewhat upset when it changes

° Cannot handle the smell of ribs, it absolutely will make him gag and throw up

° Has tried so many times to talk to Rennick calmly about safety on the rig and got shut down so many times that he just gave up on doing it calmly

° Enjoys keeping gifts and things hes given on display, he's proud of everything he has

° Used to be a calm person but now is more likely to anger

Infected Trots time 💔

° Sees his family, like his mother, his brothers and his sister etc

° Is tormented by the fact that he doesn't have legs anymore

° most of his pain stems from his lower half due to how corrupted it has become from the shape

° Feels pure anger towards Cadal, more than when he was alive

° Dies in excruciating pain akin to the other infected

° In my recovery au he gets pissed at Rennick a lot more due to him learning how Rennick wanted to leave everyone else and his actions during the crisis

° Recovery: he really cannot stomach a lot of foods, he just can't eat them without vomiting

° Recovery: Hates his body no doubt but also gets irritated at the mess it makes in his words

Finlay

﹏﹏﹏﹏

° One of the strongest on the rig no doubt

° Would've won the dart tournament final if it ever happened, dunno why I think this I just do

° Actually likes the ocean a lot, just doesn't like being on an unsteady and falling apart oil rig

° Talks with Rennick sometimes, They sit down and drink either coffee or alcohol together

° She lets him rant a lot but has no problem telling him when hes wrong about something or a situation

° Still gets pissed when he does stupid or selfish shit though

° Enjoys milk in her coffee and that's about it

° Talks to her son whenever she can, Keeps the letters he sends in a decorated box with photos

° Not a picky eater but doesn't really like canned ravioli, she'll eat it just doesn't like it

° Her and her husband are divorced but not on bad terms

° Hangs with Muir and thinks he's funny as shit, a little too reckless for her though

° Bisexual but doesn't really care about partners at the moment

After the events of the game 💔

° Sometimes would need to take a break due to hearing her son, over and over again

° Hummed the song he was singing to try and calm down

° Despite what it seemed in the game, she was fucking terrified of the shape

° It unsettled her deep in her soul and she finally knew why when the rubble fell on her

° Wanted nothing but her son in the end, to hold him, to hug him, or just to see him

° She knew she would never get to see him again though and that would be a good thing for him

° Recovery: Was confused and then disturbed when she woke in her cot

° Recovery: She was dead and she knew she was, maybe this was purgatory ?

° Recovery: Took a while for her to become comfortable around the infected again

° Recovery: Felt like shit for being distant but couldn't bear to be around the infected or anyone in general

° Recovery: Called her son almost immediately after finding out she wasn't dead

Muir

﹏﹏﹏﹏

° Love pranks, I think everyone agrees in the fandom XD

° Does not like swimming, never was a fan of it, knows how to though

° Once pulled a prank on Rennick and almost got fired

° Has never grabbed the correct helmet and probably never will

° Enjoys jokes a lot, puns not so much

° Can actually be pretty mellow, especially when he's tired

° Either wakes Innes up with a kiss or a smack on the stomach, either one it just depends on the day

° Once made a paper rose for Innes for Valentine's day

° Hangs out with Finlay sometimes

° Does not like coffee but drinks it to stay up

° Once fell asleep at breakfast and woke up with new eyebrows

° Don't know where I saw it but there was a post that he had a daughter and I liked that idea

° Has two left feet when it comes to dancing, or almost anything tbh

Infected time y'all 💔

° Saw Innes and his daughter

° All he really remembers is feeling alone and being angry at that

° Like they had all left him to fend for himself

° He wanted Innes mainly and was angry at him for leaving

° At one point his vision soloed in on Innes and saw his terrified face

° He was confused

° When he finally got Innes he didn't even realize he had killed him

° He thought that he was just sleeping, he didn't kill anyone else after that

° He just held Innes, his love

° He didn't even realize he was going to die until he was

° Tried his best to keep Innes body safe as he died

° Recovery: Was akin to the others confused on why he was back

° Recovery: He couldn't believe he was back, he felt joy and then the realization what he did hit him

° Recovery: He tried to hide somewhere on the deck away from the others

° Recovery: He didn't want anyone to see him due to guilt

° Recovery: Not even Innes

° Recovery: Eventually Innes coaxed him to talk to him and Muir just sobbed and apologized

° Recovery: It took him a long while to adjust to not being able to go inside and his new form but eventually he slowly went back to some of his old self

° Recovery: He doesn't think he'll ever be the same again though, emotionally

° Recovery: Cried on the phone when he was allowed to call his daughter

Brodie

﹏﹏﹏﹏

° Sees Raff as a son of sorts

° I really liked @/lilkumquat27 's au where Brodie had a son but lost him due to cancer so I kinda headcanon that now too-

° Feels odd for viewing Raff's like that but dismisses it a lot

° Likes coffee with chocolate in it [ me too Brodie- ]

° actually enjoys the ocean a lot, loved going swimming in Skye with his family

° He finds one of the best feelings in the world is to eat a warm meal when your cold

° Hangs with Finlay when he can, he finds solitude with her

° Would laugh when he lost against her in the dart tournament if it ever happened

° Not really competitive, doesn't see the point in getting angry over that stuff

° I associate the song ' Everything stays ' from adventure time with him, don't really know why it just seems to fit him

° Loves the moon as well, thinks she's gorgeous at night

In game time 💔

° Was mostly trying to keep a level head

° Threw up after seeing what happened to Raff's in the dive bell

° He actually threw up a lot during the events of the game

° Kept saying in his mind to just keep on going

° Heard his son talking about octopuses and the ocean in his mind

° Just kept going through most of it, only taking short breaks to think things through

° Was terrified but somewhat content when the water and oil started to raise

° That soon disappeared as the phone cut out

° Tried to keep his mind on Skye and his son but couldn't, all he could focus on was the pain of not being able to swim and drowning in the oil

° Recovery: He woke up sputtering, he was so confused and hurt

° Recovery: Finally broke after that and just sobbed

° Recovery: He sobbed for hours before trying to collect himself

° Recovery: Tried to ignore the pit in his stomach but it kept getting bigger and bigger

° Recovery: Hugged Raff's so tight he couldn't breathe, apologized endlessly for letting him go in the dive bell and for what he went through

I shall make another one with more characters later but these are some of my headcanons for my favorite characters !!!! explodes

[melancholysway]

Hello! 👋

I saw that you are looking for 2007 requests so I thought I would pop in! I adore all the 2007 turtles, but for this one, I’d like to pick Raph. He has some emotional damage from Leo being gone so long, and of course, becoming the Nightwatcher. Could I maybe get something where the reader (gender neutral is fine) is a friend who worries about him, and would love to be more than friends, but isn’t sure how to talk to Raph about it. Short shot or HC’s, maybe? Thanks for considering it! ♥️

ya'll know me i eat 2007 raph UPPPPP

thanks for requesting! I decided to make it a long shot, I hope you don’t mind!

TMNT 2007!Raph x GN!Reader: The Confession

Leo’s absence had taken a big toll on the family

Initially when he left, everyone was under the assumption he would be back in a couple of months 

But as time goes on, Leo doesn’t come back- the crime rate rises, and Raph’s had enough.

It’s time to change, no more sitting waiting for the leader to come back and to be able to fight again. He has to take matters into his own hands

It starts off small, until he gets so popular that he has to make his own armor to protect his true identity.

You find out one night, as Raph was severely scratched and bruised and God- how was he gonna get this past Donnie? He was going to be suspicious for sure.

He goes to you. Which, at this time, you weren’t the closest with Raphael at all. You weren’t BFFs. Just friends. But, this night changed it all. 

You’re gentle with him, going into protective mode, patching him up while he tries to ignore your questions that you might have. But, you have none. It’s not your business what Raph does with his life. If anything, you think he’s doing the right thing. 

“I won’t tell. I promise you that.” 

You offer your place for him to stay for the night, and to be his alibi just in case Donnie gets suspicious. But, it’s fine. Everything’s fine. 

You and Raph get closer. He sees you as the only one in the world right now who knows the true him. Not even Casey knew at this point. 

Time goes on, Leo doesn’t come back. In fact, his last letter states that he’s extending his training period. Don’t wait up for him. 

Raphael is livid, and spends more time as the Nightwatcher- defying Splinter’s clear orders to stay in the Lair. He can’t just sit and do nothing. Get a job like Mikey and Donnie-- it’s not in his nature. He’s built for fighting crime. 

Raphael comes to you a lot. Unannounced, either to tell you about the crimes in the city or to be patched up, or to just talk to you. 

You get to know one another more. You get closer as friends, and soon enough, you want to be more than that. 

Raph >:)  1:02AM

Are you up?

You read the message with squinted eyes, curse the blue light from your phone screen. It’s the leading cause of headaches and strained eyesight among the human race, and it peaks when you’re a teen. You answer Raph’s question in your head, yes, you are in fact awake. You’ve been awake for a couple of hours, waiting for that text from your good friend Raphael. It indicated that he was thinking about you, and was also thinking about seeing you. As Raph’s friend, of course you would be there for him in his time of venting and ranting. As your love interest, OF COURSE you would be there for him. 

You 1:05AM

Always

After sending, you get out of bed, freshening up a bit before the red banded mutant comes crawling through your room's window. Raph doesn’t take long to arrive, he’s a fast turtle, and based on his mood, his speed reflects that. As he knocks on your window, you see his large figure through the glass, the dark night sky making this seem straight out of a horror movie. Only you have a big fat crush on the killer, who you’re willingly letting in right now. 

“You know you always looked good in metal,” 

“Ya ain’t half bad eitha.” Empty flirting. That’s Raph’s forte. Only, that’s what he makes it seems he’s doing.

“Everytime I come ova, I wind up spillin’ my feelings out like ya’re my therapist.” After placing his helmet down on your bedside, Raphael begins pacing around your room like he usually does whenever he’s finished busting crime. 

“It’s not necessarily a bad thing you know,” You say, your eyes watching as his form walks at a rhythmic pace on the hardwood floor, “It’s good to get all that out.”

“It ain’t just that-” Raph swallows,  “I uh…”

I like you. 

“I don’t think Leo’s eva comin’ back.” Raph stops moving, soon taking off all his armor and standing before you as just Raphael. Not the Nightwatcher, not some new vigilante, just Raph. 

You look at him with concern, as his voice falters after the sentence. As if he’s on his final thread before it snaps. Raph’s like that, he begins to talk but after a while, he can’t anymore. It turns into yelling. Not loud enough to hurt your ears, but enough for you to physically feel the pain in his voice. Raph rarely expresses how he feels to you with such emotion , so to see him break like that in front of you is almost unbearable.  

“Raph,” You gather up what you want to say, “Why don’t you think Leo’s coming back?” 

“Should I list all of the reasons from A ta Z?” He snaps, though not directly at you, more like at the situation. You say nothing and look directly into Raph’s eyes, as to let him know you’re listening. 

“Where do I even fuckin’ start?” His voice rises slightly, as he’s riling himself up and preparing for the ugly truth to come. 

“He ain’t wrote in weeks,” Raph’s amber eyes have a hint of hatred in them, as he starts to pace back and forth once again, a sign that he was anxious or enraged. Right now, it was both. 

After sighing, he speaks again, “He ain’t come back when he was s’posed ta,” 

“And ya know tha worst part? Hmm?” You continue to stay silent, your lips pursing and your e/c eyes drooping with concern, “I bet he ain’t even thinkin’ about us!” 

This is the ugly truth to Raph, yet it’s a lie to you. Leo wouldn’t do that to his family. He wouldn’t stop caring about them just for a training period. That’s not the man Splinter raised, no, Leo was an amazing guy. He was dealing with so much shit before he left, that Splinter suggested he do so. So that he can become a better version of himself for him- for his family- for Raph. 

Raph’s outburst causes you to jump up in your spot on the bed, he had never been this upset over Leo being gone until now. 

“I’m done worryin’ about him.” Once he stops moving, he looks at you,  “I can’t keep sittin’ and wonderin’ when he’s gonna come back.” His voice is back to its normal tone, with that hoarse brooklyn accent you fell for. 

You both just stare at each other for a bit, until you pat the spot next to you, to which Raph scoffs at, yet complies anyway. You both stare at the same wall in front of you, sitting in silence for a while, until you break it. 

“I agree with you,” You confess, “I think…I think Leo can handle himself. For what it’s worth, he’s a great ninja.” 

“I’m sure Donnie and Mikey are just as worried as you are about him, no doubt. But…” You take a breath, then continue on, “I know Leo cares about you, so much.” You remember what it was like before Leonardo left, how much he showed that he wanted to be a better leader.  “He did this thing where we would meditate together and after he would tell me all the team bonding things he wanted to try with you and the others.”

Raph thinks about what you just said, but then remembers all the times he argued with Leo; challenged his beliefs as a leader- was vocal about what he thought Leo was doing wrong. 

“D’ya think he left because of me?” 

It pains you that he said that. His voice is at a whisper, as if it’s an intrusive thought, only you can hear it, too.

You turn and glance at him, his side profile telling you all you need to know. He’s hurt, confused, angry, upset. Everything, all at once. 

Despite this burning feeling for Raph, and being so nervous to make a move on him, you push all of that behind you and place a supportive hand on his thigh, a hand that he doesn’t move. He keeps it there, and he keeps you there, too. What surprises you at this moment is that he puts his hand on top of yours. Causing you to blush, but to not forget the point of this whole thing. 

“No. He didn’t leave because of you, Raph.It was a multitude of things. Splinter, stress, everything.” 

“It wasn’t your fault. It’s nobodies.”

“I mean,” He looks at you, “I know I can be a pain in the ass sometimes but-” 

“Stop.” You intrude, trying to stop negative thoughts that cause him to overthink, “Siblings have their moments. But, Raph, it wasn’t you. Sure, you can be a pain, but you’re also an amazing brother and friend.” That’s what he needs to hear right now. That despite his bad qualities, his good ones outshine them. 

But, you keep going. As if you’re possessed by a being that tells you to shower Raph in compliments about his character, that’s what you do. 

You’re hardworking, an impressive ninja, devoted and passionate, everything all wrapped up in one. You’re loyal- so loyal, it’s admirable. I look up to you. I’ll always look up to someone like you. 

It’s the last line that hits him like a ton of bricks. You look up to him. You aspire to be as passionate as him. You strive to be like that. 

He didn’t think anyone would ever want to be like him, but you? That’s what he needs to hear. That’s exactly what he needs to hear. For it to come from you just makes this whole thing even better for him. The person Raphael has fallen for thinks that he’s all of those positive qualities. 

So it’s no surprise that he gets a sudden urge to kiss you right now. You just look so concerned for him, yet your gaze upon him is so beautiful. Just like you. He thinks you're breathtaking. 

“Raph?” You snap him out of his inner thoughts, only for him to look into your eyes once again, trying to see through you. Would you pull away? Would you accept it? Did you even like him? 

You had to. Though there was a doubt in his mind, nobody had been this kind to him. Not to this degree. Aside from his family, nobody cared this much about him, about his life, about his feelings.  

“I don’t know how to tell you this…but…um…” Your voice echoes in his mind, as if the next few moments are a fever dream. But, it’s not. 

You like him

Y/n likes you. 

That’s what you said, and he was NOT making it up. Or, what you whispered. Quiet as a mouse, you wanted to say it. You were hoping to some degree that he didn’t hear you, but he did. 

Raph stands up in front of you, his eyes not leaving your form. It is then that he helps you up, and just leans in. Despite being the overconfident one of the group, he wasn’t feeling the most confident right now. But, this is what he wanted. It’s what you wanted, too. 

You go a bit on your tippy toes, cupping Raphael’s cheeks as his hands go around your waist to pull you as close as ever. Your lips coming together as one, tasting all of him, as he tastes you. 

You like it. 

And guess what? He does, too. 

You and Raphael stay like this for a moment, until he smirks into the kiss, biting your bottom lip. He’s getting confident again. You didn’t pull away, in fact, you practically moan when he does that. 

“Ya know,” Once you pull away for air, Raph’s the one to talk first, “I like ya. Too. Ya’ve been there fa me. I…really appreciate ya, Y/n.” Words like these never came easy to Raph. Shell, they’ve never came to Raph at all until this moment. But,  he had to let you know that. He appreciated YOU. 

“Ya think we should do that more often?” Raphael teases. Ugh, he’s too hot to be a tease as well.

“I…I…yeah,” Raph already has you stumbling on your words. But, he gets a kick out of that from you. He dives in for the second kiss, only for you both to land on your bed from all these pent-up emotions for each other hitting you like the Cowabunga Carl party van. 

And when he asks if you didn’t mind kissing a mutant turtle, you answer by kissing him first this time. And oh, the look on his face said it all. He truly, truly appreciated you and all you had to offer him.

“Thanks. Fa everythin, Y/n.” The red-banded turtle was never good at being vocal with gratuity. He always showed it. But right now, before he leaves out of your window after the long awaited slew of kisses, he has to tell you. 

“See you, Raph.” Once again, he disappears into the night after saluting you. Unbeknownst to Raph, you struggle to fall asleep- restless and jittery- you couldn’t wait to kiss him again. 

//

taglist:

@bee-1n-space @ducky-died-inside

Masterlist

[ceruleanwhore]

Sorry but I just need to hop on and rant about how TVD handled the historical aspects of the Mikaelsons in the show because yeah it’s a CW show so the bar’s in Hell, but I’m also really fucking annoyed and opinionated about all of this. First off, we have this Old Norse family living in an Old Norse society (probably 800-900s Norway) and we know that widespread Christian conversion didn’t really happen there until at least the late 900s, but moreso the early 1000s AD, but somehow half this family has biblical names. Not only are Esther, Elijah, and Rebecca biblical names that definitely aren’t Old Norse, but a name like Elijah doesn’t even work with the sound profile or either alphabet of the language. As for the others, I’m not that mad about Finn or Kol because, if you just tack an r on the end, those are ON names and the loss of that extra r over time can be explained, but Mikael and Niklaus are newer names that just didn’t exist at the time. If they wanted Mikael’s character to have a relatively modern sounding name so the patronymic would blend in more as a last name in other places, they could’ve just called him Erik and let the kids all be Erikson because at least that’s an actual Old Norse name. Klaus pisses me off the most because ‘Klaus’ by itself is an ON name but Niklaus isn’t so all they had to do was not have those two extra letters and it would’ve been fine.

The other main thing that bothers me is everything about when they get to America and are just casually living with the natives, all speaking English like it’s no big deal. If you don’t want to create a whole pidgin to show linguistic evolution over time in a fucking CW show, that’s fine, but all you had to do was show Esther coming up with a spell that allows them to understand each other and communicate. It would’ve taken 3 seconds to show us a babel fish spell and then it wouldn’t all be bullshit pissing me off. Also, they don’t spend enough time on the early days like that, in my opinion, because I would’ve loved to see the culture clash of Old Norse and the New World werewolves.

The last main thing is the runes.Now, the names carved into stone in the cave are written differently from the ones on the paper for Esther’s linking spell and the ones in stone are a tiny bit more correct. That being said, they’re still woefully wrong because these Old Norse vampires are using Anglo Saxon runes instead of Younger Futhark. If you try to read the runes in Younger Futhark, the only characters that match at all are ᚱ, ᛒ, ᛁ, ᛚ, ᚾ, ᛋ, ᚢ and then the ᛦ is a ‘z’ in YF but a ‘k’ in AS and is used as a ‘k’ in these runes, so, for example, ‘Rebekah’ reads like ‘R_b_z__’ and ‘Niklaus’ reads like ‘Nizl_us’. Elder Futhark doesn’t really work either, plus the timing of its use would be beyond questionable, since the very latest it may have been used is 800. The ᛦ and ᛋ characters don’t exist but we do get the ᛖ and ᛗ, so now ‘Rebekah’ reads like ‘Rebez__’ and ‘Mikael’ reads as either ‘Mi__el’ in stone or ‘Miu_el’ on the paper (a mistake was made so ᚢ was used instead of ᛦ for the ‘k’ in his name, even though that’s also wrong and it should’ve been ᚴ.) 

If you realize the horrible decision they made to have their Old Norse characters write in Anglo-Saxon runes and read the names in that alphabet, that’s where there’s mistakes in the paper version and inconsistency between those runes and the ones carved in stone. For example, it’s ‘ᚱᛖᛒᛖᛦᚪᚻ’ in the cave but ‘ᚱᛖᛒᛖᛦᚩᚻ’ on the paper, which probably seems like a small difference but the first would be pronounced like ‘Rebekah’ whereas the second would be ‘Rebekoh’. It’s ‘ᛗᛁᛦᚪᛖᛚ’ in the cave but ‘ᛗᛁᚢᚩᛖᛚ’ on paper, so ‘Mikael’ becomes ‘Miuoel’. ‘ᚾᛁᛦᛚᚪᚢᛋ’ on stone later is written as ‘ᚾᛁᛦᛁᚩᚢᛋ’ — ‘Niklaus’ vs. ‘Nikious’. So not only do they use the wrong names and the wrong runes but then they fuck up the runes they’re using, and it feels like they just didn’t even bother trying to write Elijah’s name like that because there is no j and they couldn’t be bothered to try and figure out how to write that name in any of these writing systems. Fucking hell.

[crushingcasanova]

IM BACK , MY LOVE !!! last night was .. chaotic to say the least. i don’t wanna give away who i am by telling you much .. so ill just say that it was a lot hehe. trust me , if I could’ve answered you as SOON as you sent your response .. i would’ve <333 ive started to become really enamored with you .. （≧∇≦）your energy is just amazing and ive found myself getting excited when im sending these letters hehe .. so thank you !!

it’s crazy how similar our schedules are .. ill actually be going into tech week next week !! and that’s so sweet .. it figures that you’re good with kids , you seem like such a kind soul ^^ im sure that things are stressful for you. if you ever wanna rant , or listen to someone else talk and just relax .. ill do whatever i can for you!!

i forgot to send my other half , so ill just do it now :3 i love all of the things you said , but specifically gravity falls and steven universe ….. my goodness , i had steven universe as my special interest for years , id never stop thinking abt it (or flapping my gums about it … :,) ) and gravity falls was a hyperfixation for a while , and i still really like it !! just not as much as i did .. (i have autism and adhd by the way .. im sure you’re understanding but i wanted to tell and warn you ..) i guess i have a lot of interests so this one’s kinda hard …. i guess my basic list would be hsr , genshin , pjsk , alien stage , LAW AND ORDER SVU !! (shh it’s my special interest rn i kinda go crazy every time I talk about it so just ignore me) uhm and there’s a looot more but im not gonna name all that .. i wouldn’t wanna take up more space than I have i seriously talk so much my goodness .. i truly feel sorry that you gotta read all this ..

but anyways !! i hope your day is going so so so so amazingly .. idk what time it is for you (it’s 6:53 am for me) but what i DO know is that you are truly a blessing for me .. im sorry to maybe overwhelm you , but ive been feeling real lonely the past few weeks .. you’re the only person that I feel like has really paid attention to me (even if it’s only in these little asks) so .. thank you. all i really need is attention .. i wouldn’t dare ask more from you <333 i hope this letter finds you in good health!

your obedient servant , 🎭

I hope last night went well, even if it was a lot :0 don't even worry about the response times, by the way! I know I'm a bit slow with it too, and timing doesn't matter much to me as long as we get to chat :) thank you for the compliments by the way <33 I'm always excited to see you in my inbox, too! :D I've been looking forward to responding all morning actually!

I hope your tech goes well! My irl best friend has tech next week too :) she's doing puffs! Not sure if you know anything about the play, but it seems fun :) I appreciate the offer to rant to you, by the way, but it's okay! I've actually been very happy and excited with tech, even if I'm a bit tired :) so it's not an issue! I love tech and spending so much time with my cast members is such a joy <3 you're quite sweet for asking, though!

Steven universe was a big childhood show for me! I got to see susan egan (rose quartz) sing live once and I nearly exploded omg .... I had a lot of good memories with the show, and even wrote an essay about it last year for my english class! (It was about colonization in steven universe, which was actually very fun to do). I've been meaning to properly rewatch it sometime! Who were your favorite characters? And gravity falls too, I'm curious :D  (and also, I do understand, so no worries <3)

I used to play pjsk! Other than that, I'm nore unfamiliar with the other things. I've heard of genshin and hsr though and I have friends who play them :) and law and order svu I've heard of! You should totally tell me all about it, I'd love to learn about your interest :D and also, you can always tell me more of your interests and such if you wish! I'll always dutifully read it all, it'll never be too long for me >:D

I'm sorry you've felt lonely :( hopefully, you know I'll always be here to listen :D it doesn't overwhelm me to hear, I'm glad you can get it out! It's like 10:45 here as I write this, actually, so I think we have a bit of a gap timewise :) I hope your day goes super well! Let me know what you're up to if you wish :D

[hibi32]

౨ৎ Mindless No Thought Rant 0.1(10.16.MMXXIV): Got called crazy by an unknown man for wanting to write a love letter out of my blood, and I’m sad. Just asked mother if I could pierce myself to extract blood, she thought I was crazy… and she was right. Tried cutting myself and thought about *them*, no—it, and stopped. Began drawing fake scars, that will help the emptiness in my heart, right? I miss them. A lot. Trying—trying—trying, to escape. Hurt in the present, hurt by thoughts in the past, happy in the present, yet happy by the past. What to do… ? I don’t know.

0.1(10.17.MMXXIV): I did have someone to love yes. Someone who will love and expect nothing in return. But even if their love was unconditional, it could never fully fulfill the missing pieces in my heart. To fill the void in my heart would take infinite quantities, but even so, no matter how much I get and take, it will never fill the darkness that once had light. I crave it, dream it, fantasize about it, and even lust… but even so, never enough. I ask myself…why—just—why isn’t it satisfying my thirst? I stumbled upon a post about a woman talking about her greatest achievements in life, majority of it was about, ‘self love’. She spoke with confidence, “The only person you should love the most would be yourself. After all, you’re spending the rest of eternity alone”. Those very words, struck a spark in my heart, and a glimmer of clearness through my sight. I now know why, the void in my puppet, is hollow. I tried to love, no—truly love, myself… But im only met with disgust… not joy, not happiness, not love…but disgust.

0.1(10.17.MMXXIV): Found out I got a 14/15 on my physics quiz. Really really unhappy with myself. Decided to beg for study tables during lunch to my physics teacher, not wanting to come for after school hours. Math midterm is today, im kinda worried despite being prepared.

0.1(10.17.MMXXIV): impulsively friended them, oh no. I shouldn’t have clicked! Ahhh~

౨ৎ 0.2(10.18.MMXXIV): Found out I got a 86% on my math mid term. I’m so fucking frustrated I DDINT take the extra time I had and doubled checked. I would have gotten an 89% if I got that one question have gotten correct. If I didn’t mixed up the differences between supplementary and complimentary, I wouldn’t be reacting this way. This is the second B I’ve ever gotten in my math class, this might be good to others, but to me, it isn’t! This is so fucking stupid. I hate being in choir for the morning, I hate being told to sit in my seat and sing for half an hour. I could just do this at home, no? It’s so heinous and tedious to have music in school when you can sing and work at home. I hate that one student in my class, they think they have the ‘authority’ and ability to be able to point out trouble makers. Teachers pet, I hate those types, always being perceptive of others and reporting back to teachers on ‘bobs’ disruptive and harmful behavior. Reasons why I stopped being a rule follower and became a rule breaker. I crave chaos and destruction, the total opposite of what my ‘old’ self would want. Jeez, since when did joining a new school become more problematic then my old one! I have multiple contradicting statements I say that I honestly can’t seems to understand myself. Mother told me I looked like a clown with eye shadow on, says it doesn’t suit me and I don’t need makeup. I want to, I just have masculine features that are overly very prominent. Been trying to scout for some online but I can’t seem to find any that I like.

౨ৎ 0.3(10.19.MMXXIV): talked to them today… I was nervous at first about responding to them. Everything is going well, and I’m glad. Still frustrated by the fact I still can’t find what works best for my face shape… but I’m sure I’ll find the missing spark. It feels better that we are still in contact… but it also feels wrong. I’m a disappointment to my family if I was to be friends with them, no? But I’m also confused, in a way where I wouldn’t know if I want them in my life or not. I just want them to be happy, at least, with someone else… not me. Without them I’m at peace, but without them my mind misses them and I constantly debate to myself to not talk to them… I constantly tell myself about their cons and how they are bad in my life… but I also day dream about them on a daily basis. I miss their words, dream of their hugs, and I want to get closer—but not. What is this that I’m feeling?

I hope you tell me soon… universe…

౨ৎ 0.2(10.20.MMXXIV): I’m feeling quite lonely today. Life’s been boring and I have thoughts about them. I wonder what they are doing other then being sick. Oh well, it’s been more then a week and it’s almost like they are never off my mind. I try to push it away but… it doesn’t go away. I have work to do today but I really don’t feel like it. Maybe later I will get my assignments done but today isn’t the day. Woke up feeling a bit gooey and such, woke up at 6 am and went back to sleep at 7 am. Been mindlessly scrolling while keeping check on the clock once in a while. Wanted to update my Carrd a bit but even so I don’t feel like getting it done. I ate 2 crunch bars with 0 regrets… craving lemonade a bit… maybe I should get that instead. Might watch some movies to relieve my boredom. I hope they text me again… even tho I’ve been purposefully texting lesser. I don’t want to get too close to them, don’t want to get into that cycle I’ve gotten myself into for the 3rd time. Hoping that maybe a woman passes by their sight and takes their heart, that will make me happy, right? Who am I kidding, it makes me sad but if it makes them happy I’ll pretend I’m happy. Whatever the universe decides I’ll stick with it, I just hope it’s the right path for the two of us. Oh yeah—I totally forgot! Amazon prime day is coming, should consider getting some items into my cart, yeah—that will do.

౨ৎ 0.2(10.20.MMXXIV): The time is 2:19 pm, I want them to text me, reply to me, respond. I’ve been waiting all day, I won’t add any other text messages. Trying to keep my distance but I’m lonely and I miss them.. I won’t put ‘kinda’ in the front anymore, I need to stop that habit. Comes off as ‘unsure’ and, ‘indecisive’, ends up making me look like an imbecile. I’m such a hypocrite, I need help. Maybe I’ll take to Daniel, he makes me happy, well… temporarily.. I’m still waiting for their text message. Maybe they are asleep— or perhaps doing something with their life with someone else. Maybe they’re talking to someone else that they usually talk to in the mornings… like a certain, well, ‘someone’. They tell me they text a few people a good morning text and I actually want to know who… I won’t pry tho, after all, we are just… ‘friends’. Kinda confusing not going to lie, this situation is surely something. 2:32 pm hits and they still haven’t texted me, maybe they are asleep…. I want to text them ‘I miss you’, but that would mean I broke the promise I made to myself… gotta stop thinking about them.. it’s for the better.. right?

౨ৎ 0.3(10.21.MMXXIV): I finished my English homework the day before. I’m so happy I finally finished, I genuinely thought I was never going to finish it. Last Friday my gut was hurting me and I wasn’t able to type the first 3 class answers on the computer. Glad that’s all over with. I texted ‘them’ today, I’m glad their feeling at least a bit better. I was smiling like an asshole talking to them, that’s enough for today. Gotta text less, don’t want to get too close, I can’t forget that they have their own life together unlike mine. (Exaggeration a bit, not entirely false). Looked over to my right to see Ben tie his hair up into a palm tree, why not do the same? He looked over to his left, another fellow Pom tree, we laughed. How fun.

౨ৎ Deep Thinking 0.3(10.21.MMXXIV): I can’t ask them for reassurance. They’re not mine, they belong to someone else, yet I think about them a lot. They have their own life, their own friends, I can’t control. I can’t control them. I can’t do anything. I think about Daniel instead, they make me happy… temporarily, that is. They’re their own person, I must respect that. I can’t control, I can’t ask, I can’t do *nothing*—or anything, as a matter of fact. Everything I want to do is pointless… we are only just, well… *friends* and *nothing* more. I really need them to find someone else, if they do, I’ll be hurt for the best. Of course I remember old conversations we had that still bother me, but what if their words weren’t *real* and they were saying it to not bother my mind? They say I can’t hurt any of the ‘good’ ones, but I want to. I want to I want to… I Want To. It makes my blood boil, my eyes widen, and I feel like I just went through one of the few symptoms of a literal heart break. I don’t think I will be able to find someone who embodies this type of **behavior** or **feeling** that I have.

౨ৎ Deep Thinking/Rant 0.3(10.21.MMXXIV): I want someone like me. Hell, I would lovingly end myself to find them in the next life. Someone who matches me. No matter who’s good or who’s bad… I want them to kill for me like I would for them. I don’t give a fuck about the happiness of others, I care about them. Why can’t anyone fit in the same intensity that I have? This sounds psychotic, even crazy. I’m aware no human in the right mind would kill anyone to preserve the feelings for their partner, but that’s what my love is. It hurts to know that no one around me understands *me* by this one aspect. I would kill, get myself hurt, and cover myself in blood just for Darling. My heart hurts, my breathing stops, and I’m stuck in a cycle where I want to hurt for Darling. If Darling doesn’t allow me, I’ll be hurt, stone wall, and resent them for it. Why are you stopping me from expressing my unwavering affection to you? I’ll question, I’ll stay silent, let the feelings and emotions bubble inside me until I explode behind closed doors. I won’t find anyone, like me. No one, is LIKE me..

I would like a partner that lacks empathy for others. Think about the direct words they would say to hurt others for ME? That is true love to me. They are hurting someone to preserve my feelings. No one has done that for me before… and I’m desperate to hear that… I hope Darling does that for me in the future and if not.. I’ll go find another Darling who will fulfill the blood lust I have. I don’t care if darling ties me up and plans on keeping me locked up in his basement… all I care is that he’s mine and I’m his.. forever.

౨ৎ Deep Thinking 0.4(10.22.MMXXIV): I saw mister pianist today… he looked nerdy and handsome as ever. The way he walks, his eloquent hand movements, and his gentle talking… it’s so.. elegant. He’s practically perfect. I want to get more information on him. Anything and everything just to feed my hunger. Maybe I should start naming him “mister perfect”. He’s like a master piece crafted with multiple works of literature from the universe. He’s intelligent, quiet, graceful, well-spoken, thoughtful, kind, caring, gentle, affable, and fastidious. He’s so… perfect. My heart rapidly beats when he gently calls my name, he even approaches me carefully like a fox wanting ‘something’. I was reading ‘Lord Of The Flies’ early morning and he came up to ask me if I finished writing the bellwork down. I nod, my heart beating too quickly, I’m afraid he would hear. We make eye contact when he plays the piano, I went to hide myself. It feels illegal to stare at a man this soft and gentle, he’s so… fatherly. I want him to be *mine*. I squeal and scream silently in my head as I watch him freestyle a piece on the piano, classmates screaming with eagerness, like fireworks bursting in the sky. Let’s just say I’m quite frankly enamored by this man and I’ll watch him from afar, secretly, of course. I’m a spectator analyzing his life, his routine, his habits, and how he interacts with the world. He’s my second dear darling now.. maybe I’ll add him to my collection. He fits perfectly into my doll collection, he’s *perfect*… and I mean it. All the other dolls I’ve met in my life don’t match… he does.

౨ৎ Deep Thinking/Rant 0.4(10.22.MMXXIV): gotta keep reminding myself that we are just friends. Gotta remind myself that we are nothing else other then just friends. They don’t belong to me. They are not mine. They are someone’s else’s… not mine. If they were mine they would have saved themselves for me before. They would have listened before by their family(or someone), valued it, and believed it. Such shame that they did not. I’m disgusted by them a lot, the ROCD hits in out of nowhere and I’m back to square 1. They said I was special, somedaysI feel like it, others… not so much. Maybe they are still in love with someone else from there past. How could I ever think I was special to them? They even *admit* to it, yet I don’t believe it. They spend such intimate times with people in the past, how could I ever come close? I’m not jealous, just disgusted with a feeling of betrayal and sadness. Why am I still holding onto them? Well, they care about me. I don’t think I can live a month without them to be quite frank. Hell, even a week would be too long. Without them I’m at peace, but I also miss them. I try to forget.c try to move on, but my thoughts always roam to them at the end of the night. How could I ever think I was ever special to them when they experienced ‘this’ with someone else before they even met me? I’m naive… to think I was something is truly foolish of me. I should keep my distance from them, find someone else, and make sure I don’t go through the 409th cycle. It’s alright tho, I remind myself many times. It’s okay they been through this and did this and that and what so-…. I only need my body-pillow to be content with life… They are … everyone around me including those I wish were ‘perfect’, are disappointing pieces of shit.

౨ৎ 0.5(10.24.MMXXIV): Watched my dad yell at my grandmother. His voice was loud, his tone was harsh, his posture was stiff, and his energy was negative. It feels like he’s angry at me despite me not doing anything. His voice scares me, loud, heavy, and quick. I hide myself in the study, shutting the glass door quick to muffle the sound. I don’t want to hear it, it scares me, and I’m afraid I’m in trouble. I try to act normal, pretend to at least, around him, whenever, and however. I’m not the problem, I know, and I’m aware. what is the problem… is the voice. I cover my ears a bit to muffle the sounds of angry shouting, I turn on my computer. ‘Shit’ I murmur to myself, the wifi isn’t on, ‘just at the perfect moment’, I said to myself sarcastically, tone lingering a bit with worry. I have physics I need to study, I have a test tomorrow, tho I will say I’m quite unprepared. I lost in jeopardy. Quite disappointed. Not much to say. I think about my father, I gotta be careful around him, I don’t want to annoy him any further. Feels like I always have to wait for him to calm down in order for me to approach him. It makes me remember about the day he told me he ‘didn’t love me’. A memory and moment full of confusion, anger, and sadness.

My father said he only loved me if I did *things* for him. Told me he doesn’t love me like how my mother loves me, says he would only love me if I helped him here and their, and nothing else. I’m basically only loved like this, how lucky of a family Tammy has. A father that’s distant, and a mother that’s high in expectations. I’m truly broken from the inside and out… Typing these out at 10:40 pm hurts, the tears flow down but I’m left with no other expression except *tears* falling down onto my pillow. It’s like I’m 3 people in one. The first person is the one outside, the person that is a high achiever yet afraid of making mistakes. The second person is behind the mask, fragile and afraid of criticism. And the third person, is the one behind the first and the second. It’s nothing, that’s it, just nothing. The first person was developed by mother, second person by father, and third person… underdeveloped, my person, to be exact. My person hasn’t developed… yet who is it? I watch other people out their in life have a sense of purpose, a passion, a dream, a rich in depth persona… and me? Hah, I just take it from others and use it as my own… it’s not that I don’t have a personality, it’s just… it’s somewhere. Perhaps too damaged, too damaged to come out.. or perhaps way too damaged for any help. Oh well, “34/ just hope the universe does something… well… for me..

౨ৎ 0.6(10.25.MMXXIV):

I adore them. I hug my pillow to sleep, and my thoughts drift to them. Our situation might be strange to 99% of people on planet earth, but I can’t resist them.

—————————————————————————————————————————

౨ৎ 0.7(10.28.MMXXIV): Todays been stressful. I feel like my insides are bubbling and I’m on the verge of tipping over. I feel like a disappointment right now, kinda just want to sleep on a cloud and never wake up. Thank god I gotten sweets during dinner, I don’t think I would be able to hold in my anger and stress much longer. Seeing those pastries in the fridge on the perfect day is like a blessing from god. I don’t know what makeup looks good on me, what to do to make my skin look paler, and I don’t even know if my Amazon package is going to arrive before the DAY comes. Geeez, when will I ever have a week I don’t have stress and anxiousness and anxiety?! I don’t even think i can work for anyone at this point because I’m too afraid to make a mistake. I’m clumsy, and I’m like a robot! I don’t even get a clue on when someone tells me what to do by their body movements, it’s like I have some form of bad body articulation. I might as well hope my life expectancy ends right NOW. Reality is wayyy too harsh on me and I don’t think I can handle it at this point. The comfiest and safest place is likely my sheets, yes, my sheets. Theirs not a single day I’m never missing the warmth and fluffiness of my pillows and blankets…

[married-2-the-music]

K-pop Discography Deep Dives: WJSN

A Disclaimer: I was planning, when I first started Tumblr, to be a lurker, but then I began an office job and needed something to listen to to keep myself occupied. And then, I started going through entire K-pop groups’ repertoires, album by album, and jotting down my thoughts. And then, I stumbled into K-pop tumblr and decided, you know what, there’s at least four people on this hell site who would read in depth rants about these discographies and at least five who wouldn’t read it and then get mad because it’s kind of our job as K-pop fans. My lukewarm takes should be taken with an entire silo of salt and the knowledge that this is completely for fun and occupying my very bored, very neurodivergent brain. All this to say, for the love of god, I’m a sleep-deprived student and I don’t have time for internet hate, so don’t kill me. With that being said, enjoy!

Here are my credentials: unusually, for a girl group, I have very few. I’ve listened to WJSN before, and I know a decent amount of title tracks and a couple b-sides. I would say I know them best from my half-watch of Queendom 2 (I’m a fan of Loona and Gfriend, so I was more focused on them), which WJSN did win. I was impressed with them there, and I decided that I wanted to learn more about them.

WJSN was formed in late 2015 as a Korean-Chinese collaborative between Starship Entertainment and Yuehua Entertainment. The members are divided into four units, one for each letter. First is Wonder, with Cheng Xiao, Bona, and Dayoung. Second is Joy, with Xuanyi, Eunseo, and Yeoreum. Third is Sweet, with Seola, Exy, and Soobin. And fourth is Natural, with Meiqi, Luda, and Dawon. After these units were formed, a 13th member, Yeonjung, was added as well. After being on hiatus since 2018, the three Chinese members, Xuanyi, Cheng Xiao, and Meiqi officially left the group in early 2023. Sorry, that was a lot of names, so deep breaths and let’s do this.

They officially debuted in 2016 with MoMoMo, which is one of the most bubblegum-y bubblegum songs I’ve seen in a while. It’s basically a k-pop stereotype at this point: lots of aegyo, completely coordinated school girl clothes, short skirts, childish love, and very poppy beats. I associate WJSN with more ethereal pop, so this was a (somewhat unwelcome) surprise for me. As often happens to me in k-pop, while I did appreciate its comic book style animation and humor, the excessive aegyo made me uncomfortable (see my review of TXT’s Cat and Dog or LOONA’s Hi High). This isn’t the song’s fault; it’s exactly what it’s supposed to be, but it does mean I won’t be listening to it again.

I’m unsure if Catch Me is also a single or just an opportunity for a dance practice, but it embraces the other side of k-pop stereotypes: a sort-of anti-drop, girl-crush, uncomfortably-sexualized…thing? that tries a bit too hard to be cool. WJSN’s talent elevates it, but even they can only do so much with a song that doesn’t have any character.

The 1st EP, Would You Like?, starts with an intro, Space Cowgirl, that I actually liked more than MoMoMo, and I wish more of its self-assured, smooth synths carried into the song. I liked parts of some of the songs, like the twinkling piano and extended bridge in Tick Tock, but most of them sounded very similar to other songs I’ve heard, and so didn’t stick out to me all that much. I could name at least five exactly like Take My Breath.

Secret begins the sound that I know from WJSN, still drawing on the poppiness, cutesiness, and high vocals of MoMoMo, but pairing it with more toned-on synths, more pointed voices, and more poised dancing, a combination that would become their staple in the next few years. It’s quite interesting to see it here feeling a little less polished. I totally get why they gained the nickname “Cosmic Girls” now, with all the space inspiration here, and while the song itself is nothing groundbreaking, I really liked that lead-in to the last chorus.

The Secret, the EP, has a couple songs I liked. BeBe leans a bit too far into aegyo for me personally, but I enjoy its boundless energy and catchiness. Also, that harmonizing in the last chorus? Sign me up. I also enjoyed the frizzy electronic background of Robot, which reminded me a bit of an f(x) song, although it felt more restrained than one of theirs.

I Wish has a slightly more funk-inspired opening than Secret, and while it still has the roots of aegyo, I’d say it follows the pattern of their songs slowly getting more mature. Still got the schoolgirl outfits, though. The chorus and its “tell me why” is pretty catchy, I will say, and I appreciated a lot of the MV’s visuals in the social media posts, floating lanterns, and emojis.

From. WJSN’s Say Yes caught my attention with its finger-snapping background and slightly Latin-pop-esque warm acoustic guitar. I thought it provided a good contrast to their very electronic synth-heavy music, and made me appreciate their vocals a lot more, especially Yeonjung and Dayoung. The “juseyo, juseyo” is stuck in my head now, and I’m not mad about it. It makes a great addition to my sleep playlist.

Kiss Me’s intro had me intrigued right off the bat, with its fun surf guitar background, and its continuing through the song made this one stand out. I also liked the harsher hand-clapping percussion mixed with the pop, and that the chorus felt like a much more natural progression of the verses and pre-chorus. Still not a fan of the rapping, which comes out of nowhere, but overall this was a great summer track and it got stuck in my head.

Happy is a return to the bubbly, kind-of sporty concept of MoMoMo that was so popular in mid-3rd gen (Red Velvet’s Happiness, TWICE’s Cheer Up, or Fromis_9’s FUN, for example), and I’d be lying if I said I was as happy to see it as the song wants me to be. I definitely liked the humor and the ultra-saturation of the music video, and ended up laughing a good few times. But overall, I’m not a fan of this concept or this type of song, and this song does nothing to change my mind. Also, I feel like the chorus, though it’s pretty good, doesn’t fit in with the rest of the song. I think it’s the sudden tempo change.

Happy Moment is a full album, so there’s a lot to talk about. I liked the bubbly distortion in Miracle, (honestly I wonder why it wasn’t a single, because it really feels like one), the vocalizing in Mr. BadBoy’s choruses, the minimalistic background of Babyface’s verses, the roller skating rush of Geeminy, and especially the lovely musical catharsis of Closer To You (damn, Yeonjung, what a note to end on!). Again, though, what I really liked were parts and besides Closer To You, I didn’t like any song enough to consider it a hidden gem. I know that Happy leans very much into aegyo, but the names of a lot of these songs felt a bit too babyish even for that, and I don’t think that the album needed to be so long, because so many of its tracks felt like filler. I would rather have a five or six track, great-all-the-way-through EP like, say Sunmi’s Warning or SEVENTEEN’s Haeng-Geurae, than a half-as-good album twice that long.

Dreams Come True, I’m happy to say, builds on the good that both Kiss Me and I Wish started, working in more interesting percussion and more ethereal synths. Funnily enough, it goes so far into understated that I didn’t realize the chorus had started until it was almost over, and while it’s got a good base, I think that it needs a stronger, more obvious hook to turn into a classic. I did really like that delicate bridge, though.

Dream Your Dream, the EP, starts strong with Love O’Clock, which doesn’t bother with a drawn out build-up, instead rushing forward right from the first moment. I liked the harmonizing, the strong drumbeat, and the catchiness. I also enjoyed Renaissance’s swirling and soaring vocals (another b-side that could’ve been a single) and Thawing, despite its odder sound effects, charmed me with its earnestness.

Save Me, Save You was the first WJSN song I heard, and is probably the one that best sums up their style. It starts soft, almost not there in the first verse, then tiptoes its way through the pre-chorus, and with a couple drum beats, that magical chorus takes over and suddenly you’re floating. As mentioned, their songs are often a bit too bubbly or understated for me, but I can acknowledge when a song does its style well, and this one absolutely does. I didn’t even mind the rap! I like the setting of the magic school and the incredibly fast shifting in the eyes between the bridge and the last chorus, but I wish it drew itself out more, to make the best use of that excellent vocalizing.

From WJ Please?, the EP, I really had a good time nodding my head to You, You, You, especially during its bridge and last chorus and I added it to my roller skating playlist. I also enjoyed the hints of flamenco and layered strings in the background of I-Yah, a surprisingly lovely sound for the title. It really reminded me of I Knew It by Sonamoo, one of my favorite Latin-pop inspired K-pop tracks. Masquerade also has a great use of strings, this time combined with a gentle piano, and Hurry Up uses a brightly jazzy beat to add some contrast. These four together absolutely make this my favorite EP so far, which is pretty funny, as all these songs are better than the title.

La La Love’s Carnival setting is interesting, and is the decision to have a pre-chorus that leans into sing-talk. The choice mostly works and doesn’t interrupt the good flow that the song has, and I like the high vocalizing that twinkles around the chorus. On the whole, the song is pretty enjoyable and gentle, but, like I usually do, I wish it had more of a hook that would make it stick in my head. Completely different from the last EP, I didn’t have a hidden gem for this one, though I thought 12 O’Clock was nice.

With how much I liked their last summer comeback, I was excited for Boogie Up. The song is pretty upbeat and on the whole, reminds me of a much more bubbly version of Red Flavor by Red Velvet. It’s catchy, but it has a bit too empty of a chorus for me, and doesn’t innovate on a pretty tried-and-true pop formula enough to stand out. I do like the fun instrumental and the bridge, though. Their bridges are almost always pretty great.

From the EP For The Summer, I honestly really liked the song For The Summer with its bright and flouncy energy (though as I often do, I thought the rap was unnecessary), and the horns were a nice touch. Let’s Dance follows in the stead of WJ Please’s great, Latin-pop inspired b-sides, though I don’t think it’s quite as unique as those.

As You Wish has a very bouncy beat from the beginning, and its excellent electronic sound draws from disco. Its pre-chorus build is great as well, and the chorus delivers, making it both one of my favorite titles so far and what I’m sure will become a fixture on my roller-skating playlists. Its last chorus is delightfully bright, but my favorite part is absolutely that outro, which brings together the vocals and the instrumentals perfectly and should’ve been so much longer. From the EP, also titled As You Wish, I liked the vocal showcase and twinkling piano in Lights Up, and the drumline beat of Don’t Touch.

Butterfly is another song I already knew by WJSN, and its bubbly energy works surprisingly well for me. I think this is the first of their title tracks that has a deeper meaning than an average love song, and I’m very happy to see it. There’s never enough songs about freedom and being yourself, in my opinion. The last chorus’ vocalizations, as often in WJSN’s singles, elevates the song greatly, and its fizzy instrumental brings everything together. The visuals of flowing white dresses and puffy clouds are a great addition too.

From Neverland, while I enjoyed the back and forth, rushing energy of Hola and the string-led instrumentation of Where You Are, my hidden gem was absolutely Pantomime. I first heard it while watching Queendom, and though I do definitely prefer the more 20’s jazz-inspired, more theatrical version from their stage there, there’s still a lot to love here. I especially enjoy how clipped and off-beat it is, setting it apart from WJSN other’s b-sides.

Unnatural is a bit of a darker counterpart to Butterfly, also about not quite fitting into normalcy (hence the title). I really liked the rap in this one, and how well it fit into the tempo. Also, the way the pre-chorus pulls back and then rushes forward is great. I like the more minimalistic instrumentals and how they let the vocals flow and speak for themselves. Overall, I think it’s one of their strongest outings. From Unnatural, the EP, I really liked the mix between WJSN’s high voices and the self-assured tone and beat in Last Dance, though I wish the instrumental was more distinctive.

Last Sequence is, at time of writing, WJSN’s most recent comeback, from a year ago. It also falls into the more minimalistic electro-pop synth style of their last few singles, which of course I’m in favor of. I do feel like the chorus needed more of a lead-in than it has, but besides that, I do really like this one. As always, its bridge is great and so is the lead-in to the last chorus (the yeongwohni, yeongwohni, yeongwohni is stuck in my head now). I didn’t have a hidden gem for this comeback, as it’s only a 3-song single.

I’m glad I did this! Like I said, I didn’t know much about WJSN before this review. But, I’ve learned that they were an important part in making what I now consider a very classic 3rd generation K-pop sound, and their music became the blueprint for many groups afterward. I’ve watched some interviews and had some good laughs, and even seen a couple compilations of their best performances on Queendom. I definitely liked their later music more than their earlier, though, and after hearing their work, I’m sad that they don’t come back nearly as often as they used to.

My Top 5 songs are Butterfly, Last Sequence, Kiss Me, I-Yah, and Hurry Up, with Pantomime as an honorable mention . WJSN gets an 8.25 out of 10 from me. I think that on the whole, their songs are pretty good and there were very few I actively disliked. The biggest issue I face is that I listen to and analyze So. Much. K-pop. (probably thousands of songs by now) and because of that, only the groups that do something unique or innovative, have incredible voices, self-produce, or consistently discuss important subjects in their work really stick with me. WJSN is very talented, but while they have a niche, they don’t really add anything new to what’s been done time and time again.

Next time, I have a very special soloist review coming up, that’s going to come out on December 18th (a day late). If you know your k-pop and my blog, you can probably guess what it is. It’ll be a bit different from a usual review, but I felt like it was time. Tschüss!

[ohmyplasticstars]

[EDDIE X FRANK]

"Letters" (chp-1 of X)

It was a very important afternoon for Eddie Dear, arms weak, palms sweaty, legs spaghetti, Momma's spaghetti. He stared dumbfound at Frank's mailbox, his face pure red from dread and gay panic, he had a letter in his hands, this was a beautifully decorated letter, it was simple but beautiful with a perfect wax stamp that did not look messy, he hadn't been so stressed about perfecting a letter since he was a kid who needed to write a letter to his teacher for a sick day. He was starting to regret why he agreed to this, why did he have to do this, why he had to invite Frank to the bridge. Oh, wait he knew why, Juile made him do this... well it wasn't her fault, she was just trying to be supportive, its Eddie who wanted to do this, she was just trying to help she even checked his letter for errors in case gay panic ruined his quality. Gay panic can be very dangerous, it can ruin your writing as well as salvage it with love and affection... It was good she checked since Eddie kept cowering away from writing it.

And now here they were... Frank's house, to deliver this fateful letter, Frank was nowhere to be seen, Juile had convinced Sally to invite Frank to her place to rant and rate drama shows, this would keep that man away for a good while, so Eddie could simply zip in and leave the mail there, but his feet were rooted to the ground, he didn't understand why he was so scared, Him and Frank were already dating so what's the fear?

EVERYTHING

What if Frank gets uncomfortable what if he never talks to him again??? What if... he gets weirded out and breaks up with him, everything they had would be shattered gone like spam mail in a fire. Eddie could not bear this.

"Eddie... you should hurry up a little... if you keep standing there, Frank might see us!'

Urged a female voice, Eddie felt a small hand on his back, he turned around he had forgotten that Juile had come to keep the thing from failing she was a good friend, and her company was handy, he almost felt, he would have forgotten he was a person and become a statue on spot then and there had she not snapped him out of his daze.

"I know we worked hard on this but... Julie... I'm not sure if I wanna do this...'

He confessed dimly.

"I'm scared Juile what if he dislikes me for it"

He couldn't use the word hate, but it was on his mind, they had dated for well 2 and a half years... personally, Eddie would've done this earlier if he had the guts, but he didn't, and he read somewhere its best to wait at least two years for a better outcome, and two years were over now, like a flash he had to do this... he wanted to so bad, it was in his brain for so long cooking over and over again. if he didn't do it now, when would he do it?

Juile listened to his concern, she thought for a moment and smiled confidently up at the tall, worried man, with her hands on her hips.

"Well, I think that he will not hate you, you two have been dating for like two years now! why would he suddenly hate you? Think logic, Eddie!'

she would've shaken him like a coach does to his students, but she couldn't reach him.

"You're the last person to use logic...'

Eddie mumbled pessimistically to himself, his eyes averted away from Julie.

"Say wha?'

Julie asked not being able to hear his inaudible mumble.

"Nothing Juile...'

he lied, he then let out a sigh.

"Let's just leave this be Julie I can't do this.'

Eddie sighed, Julie just looked down, they both stood there in hopelessness.

"Do what?"

asked a new voice breaking their silence alongside Juile gasping afterward after she saw the owner of the voice, the owner was a man, and Eddie did not want to see him at this moment...

Frank was standing there, he had stickers all over his body, Glitter in his hair, and somehow his shoes were well filled with glitter looking like a sparkly cursed well, he had a trail of glitter behind him, he seemed tired, and his hair wasn't as slick as usual and Sally was behind him, she seemed tired herself, she was also decorated in glitter and stickers she wore a frown which screamed

'I TRIED'

Eddie was second to react, hiding the letter behind himself

"Oh, h-hey Frank! We were just uh... passing by!'

Frank cocked his head to a side

'At this hour? Dear, it's almost evening! you should be at home...'

he frowned his signature frown, but he had caring intentions.

Eddie's heart fluttered when he heard Frank call him dear, but he then remembered that Dear was Eddie's last name too, so he couldn't tell if Frank was being Lovey to Dovey or just calling him by his last name.

'MHM! YUP, I'M ABSOLUTELY FINE! you go get rest too Frankly..."

Eddie responded

Juile watched the two speak, she was still a little bummed about the letter not getting posted when she thought... Maybe she could do it for him! Suddenly juile stole Eddie's letter in a wild chance, she then ran ignoring Eddie's flailing arms trying to get the letter back, she quickly dunked the letter into the mail box almost feeling like a basketball player

Eddie watched in horror, Frank watched too confused

'We had some extra mail to post to you!

Julie replied awkardly laughing did she blow it all...?

Frank who was too tired to be Frankly, sighed and walked into his house, like a snake going back into its burrow and now he was gone.

Meanwhile, Sally had been ranting to Juile about how hard it was to keep Frank inside her house because he kept trying to leave, Julie stopped talking however when she saw Eddie, she hadn't noticed this but Eddie did actually looked worn out, his skin was shiny from sweat and his usually proper curls were shabby and he was looking back at her, this made Juile uncomfortable, she started feeling guilty, it seemed that Eddie's fear of the future was getting to her too now, she felt scared as well. Sally obviously noticed this... she didn't want her best friend Juile to feel bad about something that wasn't linked to her, she grabbed Julie's wrist firmly.

'WHEEEH BOY LOOK AT THE SKY IT'S GOING FROM ORANGE TO DARK, DARK BLUE IT'S GONNA BE DARK SOON GUYS! we should leave for home now! Bye! Eddie! I hope this works out, hope you get your amen!'

and she started dragging Juile away

"Yeah! I'm sure this will work out!'

Juile quipped in she wanted to make him feel better, Eddie was their friend he was a good person he was in a stressed mood right now

Edward watched as the girls left too... he started trudging towards home and sighed

I wonder how he will sleep today?

===============================================

YOOO I did it, Tumblr didn't beat me this time, I swear the world is after my poor little fanfic my pc crashed two times while I was writing this oh my god. I hope I'm able to keep yall on your feet

I'll release the next part soon as possible!

i haven't written in years so apologies if my writing is crusty or too wordy for my autisms and adhds out there

remember i love you autism and adhd and all the other quirky and typical folk of Welcome Home

ALSO please! Tell me what y'all think of the story heheh I love reading y'all's comments

[lain-at-the-gay-bar]

lucky! hiii! i am bored on a train rn, sorry about the rambling....

first of all i am so sorry you had to learn german in school, fucked up language fr...(<- i am allowed to say this, you have to be nice to me and tell me you're sure i sound lovely speaking german and also you love my accent so much)

also i agree the Sie thing is kind of weird, like i am used to it, you kind of get a feeling for who to use what for, like there's absolutely older people who are chill with du but there's also some who are very much not..bizarre concept to me. to be fair there's people i'd feel weird using du for but most of the time du would just be soo much more chill?

the thing about it i hate the most tho is that sometimes in movie/series/book translations they just use Sie for waay too long imo, it just makes it super uncomfortable, i hate it so so much...

also the Sue/sie thing is stupid af, german and it's capitalisation are so annoying, why does this language need that many capital letters?🙄

HI EMMI :D ok honestly i think the fact that i had to learn it in school kinda fucked up my opinion of german like usually i really like learning languages but that was. well i almost failed on it. das ist die leben (did i do it right? probably not)

in dutch using U is becoming rarer and rarer, and i was used to never ever using it but now im doing a hospitality study so the teachers actually care about me using U, if not for them then for the customers lol. and that while i was used to calling my teachers either by first name or by whatever class they teach (think ms english, ms dutch, mr photoshop...)

the like.. using sie and stuff for strangers trips me up sooo bad, i would probs sound like worlds rudest person in any country with those kinds of honorifics.. well i am kind of rude tbh. but also nice?

you know what else is annoying about german... die/der/das. i mean i know dutch also has that problem (de/het) but its so stupid like all countries should just pick their favorite IT WOULD BE SM SIMPLER!! but well that will neva happen :[ de and het are just completly random half of the time and so people learning the language contantly mess it up cuz its STUPID!! ok rant over

oh yeah and im sure you sound lovely speaking german and i love your accent so much ^_^

[midnightmeteora]

MEDIA THREAD-FEBRUARY

A short month no doubt, spent most of it drawing (I gonna try to finish those wips I swear). Anyway:

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14.-Hazbin Hotel (season 1)

I'm not someone who enjoys negative ranting on media. But oh my god I didn't like this show. Thankfully I watched this along side my GF and my Bestie but still, it was quite dreadful getting through this show. The script was annoying. All of those parodies about Vivzie's shows are true, there's always a swear in most sentences. It stops being funny and it becomes annoying, cringe even. I don't get this show, is it a comedy or a genuine attempt of making a social commentary??? It tries to tell a story about redemption and the value of change, but it doesn't have the pay off nor the build up to excel imo. For most of the runtime, this show barely attempts to dive deep into the nuance of the characters, most of the time if there is nuance to be found. It later decides to either treat it as a joke or rush to no end, lacking the payoff expected for serious issues like sexual and psychological abuse. The visuals were also kinda sucky. It has a unique style no doubt. But everything blends together when there's so much color overlap and over designed characters with similar motifs and color palettes. Most of the songs are alright on their own, but in the show itself, I only enjoyed like half of them. Yeah this show wasn't for me, and the more I think about it, the angrier I get ngl.

. #15.-Kimi ni Todoke (season 1)

Love letter to shojo media (? One of my favorite shows rn, it's so comfy, yet it still pulls them punches with the drama when it needs to. Every character is so loveable and the humor is wholesome fun. I really like how it develops the characters thru meaningful interactions and moments that pushes these teens foward. I'm loving this show, quite excited for S3 later on this year :]

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#16.-Sonic Frontiers (main game replay and update 2 content playthrough)

I still really like this game! Admitedly, its luster did shine off a bit now that it's been a while since the original release. This time more cracks became more noticeable to me, particularly the plot itself is rather empty and on a second playthrough it brings the game down a tad bit. The last section in Ouranos island is veryy weak plot wise, even though I had a blast with the gameplay. I still believe that this is a cleverly designed game, but I wished it had more production values behind it. By far the main aspect that will age the game later on. This game kinda lacks the visual aesthetic and presence that many other games in this franchise have. Not only that, the new additions like the jump acceleration kind of made some of the open zone sections kind of dry... I really look foward to the next mainline game, this game is still the best step in the right direction it could've been. The update 2 content was also really fun! I really like the action challenges and the new kokos were neat to get. I mightttt need another replay to abuse the spindash to hell and back, but I still need to finish new horizons as of writing.

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#17.-Sonic Frontiers: Final Horizons update

Damn was this a mixbag. I'm a bit underwhelmed ngl. It wasn't bad, but it kinda pushed the game to its absolute limits, and not in a pleasant way. The unrefinement from the main game is in an all time high. The new island content and characters are ok. Amy is fine for the most part, doe I wish she was able to wall climb. Knuckles was so much fun and I hope they use this template for future appearances. And Tails' tornado was so broken that made his sections redundant. I think everyone but knuckles kinda show the issues with the open zone. You can skip so much of the platforming that it kinda robs you from the main draw of the game. The new cyberspace levels are really cool!! But I did not enjoy completing the extra missions, they made the experience far more frustrating and unpleasant, not only that but you hardly even need to engange with cyberspace, but i'll get to it in a second. The new mixes are nice and the new levels are pretty sick and fun to speedrun but I still feel like they don't benefit from the asset re-use and the weird jank the game has.

The tower challenges were a bit of a mixbag, the platforming got a bit obnoxious on tower 2 and 4 ngl, but I did enjoy the trials. Trial 5 is no doubt quite infamous, but I actually found it fun, I liked figuring out how to minmax my time defeating the titans. It kinda show how clunky the parry and the animations are however, and yet, it also made me appreciate the enemy design and the combat way more than I already did! Finally, we got a new final boss battle, and it was alright? The spectacle was nice, but after all the things I had to do to even get there, I'd rather have the original ouranos island section as easy and anticlimatic it might've been. The new added story wasn't that much different either, just a tad more flashy with a bit more involvement from the main cast. Overall it was an ok addition, but I wished I didn't spent that much time doing the extra missions and stuff, many of the parts of this update lacks the incentive I desired and at times, the payoff I expected. Which is why it felt underwhelming for me. I hope the next game is an improvement over final horizons, if this is going to be the main base for the forseeable future, then there's still work to be done.

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#18.-Super Mario Bros (NES)

I'm starting to play more retro games as of lately since I really want to have more games that I can replay whenever I want a quick gaming session aside from Mega man and Sonic. So I'm want to try the 2D Mario games since admitedly, I was never a Mario guy (If you couldn't tell by my Sonic fanatism). 2D Mario has never grabbed my attention since it is rather vanilla and the "new super mario" series also left a very bad taste in my mouth just like everyone else growing up. Anyway, og super mario on NES was fun tbh. It is quite challenging for modern standards, but I found plenty to like tbh. The potential for further replays is hampered by those tight physics doe, I'm already playing SMB3 (I'm gonna skip 2 for the time being tbh) and I can already tell that the control was pretty tight in this first game. Hammer bros are really agressive too. I'm glad I'm finally beat this game, even though it cramped my hands like a MF bc I played this on a 3DS.

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#19.-Kimi Ni Todoke (Season 2)

THIS WAS PRETTY GOOD, the drama got pretty interesting and it developed the characters extremely well. It has a ton of nuance that I want to rewatch and admire all over again ngl. Left extremely soft after watching it. Can't wait for season 3

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Might start to do more stand alone posts from now on if I want to continue logging these opinions lol.

[girlfrandletters]

Valentines Day Letter That Can't Possibly Fit On A Generic Card

I never thought I'd say this, but I sometimes wish that our anniversary and Valentine's Day were not so close together. Obviously, that's not something that we can really choose - the first day we spend together that would unknowingly become "The Anniversary." Maybe we could make our new anniversary that day in October when you said you loved me for the first time ever. The only reason I'm stressing about this is because everything that I want to type to you now, in your Valentine's Day "card," is literally everything that I should say to you on our Anniversary. You know, the day that actually matters the most. But I could also just type a different post with similar words and meanings and you would still enjoy every second of it. I would enjoy typing it. I always love telling you all the reasons why I love you.

Anyway, enough of that rambling. I'm typing this because I tried to get you an obnoxious card, which I didn't have much space to write on. And the space I did have to write on was annoying because the front of the card was too lumpy bumpy. So here I am, typing away to let you know how much I love you and how much I mean to you.

Today is the second Valentine's Day we have celebrated together. Well, we haven't celebrated yet. We are going to. With Kumo (maybe), a movie (still deciding which one), and mind blowing loving sex (obviously). And to be honest, even if we were just going home to sit in bed stare at the ceiling and talk about silly things for hours, that would be just as perfect for me. For us. Because that is us. We are the people who don't overdo the romanticism. We have our own form of romanticism that doesn't fit into the usual mold. We don't get caught up in the flowers and chocolates and premade cards so symbolize our love. We don't have to put each other's faces on social media to tell the world that we love each other.

I always found that kind of stuff very shallow. Even back when I was a stupid romantic nerd who liked grand gestures and verbal declarations of love and affection - I always thought the cards and posts were stupid and fake and not a real show of affection. And maybe I was always bitter about it because I never had someone that I truly felt like cared for me. Or just because I used to do that kind of stuff and never got the same in return. But maybe I just realized those kinds of displays of affection hid a plethora of other problems, and the people truly in love never needed anything like that.

I would be lying if I told you I didn't sometimes want to put our best photos on my Facebook and go on a whole rant about how much you've helped me, supported me, and given me the best feelings of love I could have ever asked for. But I also like that I don't have to do that, that you just know me enough to know all these things and when I tell you and only you, it means nothing less.

If I were to make a Facebook post, or if someone did ask me about you, this is what I would say:

"Anthony has been... a wonderful additional to my life. Even back when I wasn't really romantically attracted to him, he helped open me up to the idea of exploring - exploring people outside my comfort zone, adventuring to places I never would have thought to go to, doing crazy things like driving down to South Carolina with a stranger with no worry about life or death. Maybe I was a little too naive. But I am glad I did everything I did with him. Because by doing all that, we developed such a new and different relationship, and we have both grown into people that we love very much. We are not the same people we were when we first started dating. I drove out an hour and a half to get into someone's bed for a night periodically, and now I drive 45 minutes home to get into his bed for the night every night. I love him to the ends of the Earth, and I hope to go there with him."

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the definition of Love is as follows: 1) strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties 2) attraction based on sexual desire  3) affection and tenderness felt by lovers 4) affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests

Love is such an interesting concept. Because all of those definitions of apply to us. We have a strong affection for each other. We are definitely sexually attracted to each other. We have affection and tenderness between us. And we admire each other, are benevolent to each other, and have common interests.

How is it that nearly 2 years ago, two strangers met in a town (ironically, a town that pushes love all the time), knowing nothing about each other at all, having no feelings towards each other other than "I need to fuck someone," and we have become these people who literally hold each other at night and are content with being wrapped up in each other, laughing and smiling, and if we get to have sex, it's an added bonus. We have come a long way.

We have developed a love between us that I don't think will ever go away. I certainly hope not. I am so happy with the way that this feeling between us developed too. We didn't just fall in love. We tumbled headfirst down a rabbit hole, flailing our arms, laughing, shouting into the dark void.

I'm still falling.

Happy Valentine's Day. <3

[eikaprime]

Doing this as a reblog, rather than a reply, because it's probably gonna get too long for one reply. Feel free to scroll past this: I can't figure out how to put a cut in, and very few people actually care about this. (I expect maybe OP and two others, max.)

I started on fanfiction.net when I was 12, abandoned it, returned to both ffnet and started in AO3 at the age of... 28? I forget. Right now I'm near-exclusively on AO3, but I link things on tumblr and twitter, and I read on both AO3 and ffnet. I have tried and failed to navigate other sites (what drunk insomniac devised Wattpad?) and both of those sites are free to use, reasonably well organized and easy to navigate, and places where people expect to find fanfiction. Those are probably the key points: free, easy to use, expect to find fanfiction there. I'll point out AO3 makes people wait for an account, and tends to have fewer but higher-quality fics; FFNet has some absolute diamonds but also more trolls..

2. Write, write well, and be consistent. I wish I could tell you more how to get readers, but that's what worked for me. If you want to play to things popular in your favorite fandom, fine, but only do what makes you personally happy. Fanfiction, in particular, is an I-love-it venture, and fandom tastes are fickle. In general, though, fics about canon characters will get more views than OC's, because people are in fanfiction usually because they can't get enough of (character). Romance is also well done. Neither of these are strictly necessary.

I write well. It feels like bragging, but I've been writing for fun (and aimed for publication) for a large number of years, and I've been improving near-constantly: trying new things, seeing what works, playing with words and plot and description. At least as important, I update regularly: twice a week, usually. That's too much for a lot of fics, but my chapters are shorter than many peoples (usually under 2000 words). Once a week, or once every two weeks, is better. Longer than that and you risk losing readers because they forgot things and have to reread at least one chapter, if not the whole work, to continue.

3. Is it better to write fanfic, fiction, or both? That depends ENTIRELY on what you're going for. I wrote fanfiction as a teenager, then spent a long time writing original fiction and trying to get published, then back into fanfiction again. There are fanfictions out there better than original works. Fanfiction wouldn't exist without original work. If you write for reasons other than 'I like writing!' and 'I wanna write this to (make myself/someone else happy)!' then you're gonna fail.

4. Okay, we're looking at the financial end here. You may be thinking of Rowling or Stephen King or... if you want original fiction publishing, then your choices are self-publishing (no support, all costs and advertising and profit is on you) or traditional publishing (publisher gets the bulk of the profits, you actually get in stores). Let's say you're going traditional publishing. None of the largest US publishers, with nationwide access, and a good chunk of the medium publishers won't work with anyone who doesn't have a literary agent. Nelson Literary's blog Pub Rants publishes their end-of-year stats every year; 2022 they got over 8000 letters from people wanting representation (down around 5k from 2021) and signed 4 new clients. People who self publish and make as much money as those traditionally published tend to become signed by traditional publishers (and in the news, to boot!). Further, I don't have the statistics in front of me right now, but more than half of published writers cannot support themselves writing.

With that said, you *can* make money off it. I've gained enough notoriety through my fanfic that people are supporting me on patreon to help keep me writing them, and I've had several people commission flashfics from me. Further, by getting out there--fanzines and magazines, working for either fun or money (if someone contacts you, ask for money. If you contact them, and they're for charity or fandom or just for fun, it's for fun) you gain a reputation and visibility and credits for work that greatly increases your odds traditionally. (and the stuff mentioned in question 2 will work for self-publishing, too!)

5. What is my motivation? I enjoy the CRUD out of it. I have stories in my head that wanna be told, characters to play with, people I wanna hear scream (even if the screaming is only in the comments). Everything else comes second.

6. Do long fics do well? Does pineapple go on pizza? Do you prefer the mountains or the oceans? Yeah, you're looking at a whole lot of perspectives, here.

One of my most popular splatoon fics, LUCKY, is part of a series, but it was a stand-alone for over 8 months and people absolutely adored it. All of 5000 words and full of good characterization and relationships and banter and emotions. 309 kudos, 22 bookmarks; for comparison, if you sort the Splatoon AO3 section by kudos, it's on page 5/383 (as of 12/1/23). Several people say it's the best fic in the series. On the other end, my fic SLY 5: THIEVES AND ROBBERS is 108 chapters, 214 kudos, 43 bookmarks, and page 1/22 (number 6) when sorted by kudos.

Or maybe you want to think of another awesome fic, not by me, but LADY KNIGHT VOLANT by BracketyJack is 432k, almost 15000 kudos, 679 bookmarks, and on page 1/197 when sorted by kudos... and three places below a 7000 word oneshot that I've also read and loved, THE SMALL by dirgewithoutmusic.

And all of this leads into...

7. Write well. Try to write better every time you write. Read things you like to read. Try to put things you like reading into the things you write. Like romance? Try writing romance. Like horror? Try writing horror. Trust your interests. Write what you want to read, because odds are very good, if you enjoy something--if you like it, and want to read about it, and have fun with it--someone else will adore it. I can't even start to tell you the number of things I almost didn't put in because I was second-guessing how stupid or silly it was (lore where teeth are good luck charms, a brick joke where one character refuses to believe another is famous, shoe stealing, platonic rare pairs, more) and people have adored it. I have people commissioning oneshots about my throwaway characters I barely cared about because I put in just enough detail to make them desperate for more.

Now if you'll excuse me, I either need to go to bed or continue making my trans/questioning accidental teenage double-agent spy who commenters have determined either suffers from panic attacks or seizures continue having a burping contest with his new captain/greatest enemy while his sentient service animal eats three bags of potato chips. I don't know how I got here but I'm having a blast.

ppl who write fanfiction/fiction, i am asking for your aid!!!

1) which site? ao3? tumblr? something else?

2) how to get readers?

3) is it better to write fanfiction, your own stories, or a mix of both?

4) is it possible to profit on your writing financially?

5) what is your motivation?

6) do long fics do well?

7) what tips do you have for someone starting out?

[pochipop]

can i get a bakugou abc headcanon post? & can i be your 🦩 anon if it's not taken? thank u !

＃BNHA !! ♡ — BAKUGO ALPHABET HEADCANONS.

#. synopsis! — a bakugo headcanon for every letter of the alphabet .

#. characters! — bakugo .

#. warnings! — none .

#. alt accounts! — @ddollipop (nsfw) @yyolkchi (reblog/spam) .

#. others! — navigation & masterlist .

A: affection. | are they affectionate? how do they show affection?

Katsuki is fairly affectionate when the two of you are alone together, which may be surprising to many. He enjoys physical contact with his partner, even if he's hard pressed to admit that aloud. He tends to be more handsy when he's sleepy, grasping for warmth and comfort, especially on chilly nights. In his day-to-day life, his affection can range from a quick kiss on the crown of your head when he passes by you in the halls, to cuddling sessions in either of your dorm rooms when it's just the two of you. Bakugo likes it when you visibly lower your guard around him, slink into his side, and rest your body against his. He's a sucker for you.

B: bizarre. | something strange they do or a weird quirk they have with or without their partner?

Katsuki refuses to put his weights away. He always insists that it's for quick and easy access to them, but you've discreetly chalked it up to laziness on his part. It's his dorm, so he can do whatever he wants, and you don't tend to complain; —but it would be nice to not have to trip over weights when you go to pay him a visit.

C: comfort. | are they good at comforting their partner? how do they do it?

Katsuki isn't a very good candidate if you need the type of comfort that is coddling or very empathetic. He doesn't exactly feel comfortable being open about emotions other than anger; and because of that, his means of comfort can seem a bit insensitive to some. However, if you're in need of some good advice and some solid tough love, he's not a bad option. Bakugo might not always word things the best, but he's a surprisingly adept listener, and it's easy to get lost ranting to him (especially when he makes no effort to cut you off.) If you just need to get some frustrations off your chest, he's great with that, though. He'll be sure to throw in affirmative comments and engage with your energy levels appropriately.

D: domestic. | how do they feel about settling down? do they cook/clean?

Katsuki feels he's way too young to think about settling down in that manner, so he avoids seriously considering it. Right now, his heart is set on becoming a hero, and you certainly don't want to be any sort of hindrance in that. Though, he has thought about a future where the two of you are older and more mature, still together, maybe living in a place of your own. As for cooking and cleaning, he can do both, albeit one much better and with less complaints than the other. He's not half bad in the kitchen, and he makes some pretty tasty dishes. Nothing too fancy, but it's always delicious, so the level of elegance really isn't of any concern. When it comes to cleaning, Bakugo isn't the biggest fan of it, but he'd rather clean than be in a dirty environment. He's a quick organizer, and he tends to be very good about cleaning up after himself (unless that involves putting his weights away, apparently.)

E: ending. | if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?

Katsuki would end the relationship in person, and it would be one of the few times you'd see him fully vulnerable; stripped bare to his core. He'd likely shed tears and offer up some form of apology but wouldn't ask to be friends. If he happened to see you in the future though, he wouldn't actively avoid you. He'd say hello and keep it lowkey, but his heart would ache inside.

F: future. | do they think about the future? how does it look?

Katsuki does think about the future sometimes, but he chooses not to put much weight into his fantasies. He'd like to share that future with you as long as you both get along well, so almost anything will be fine by him, really. It's not as if he'd want to live in a giant mansion or buy himself his own island, after all. He's fairly content with living a normal life aside from hero work. But, who knows, maybe those feelings will change one day, and Bakugo is open to said change.

G: gifts. | how often do they give their partner gifts? what kind of gifts are they?

Katsuki doesn't shower you with presents by any means, but he likes to spoil his partner every once in a while. A stuffed animal here, an oddly specific gift tailored perfectly to you and your interests there. . . It's only natural, he thinks, to want to give someone you love nice things.

H: honesty. | are they honest with their partner? do they keep secrets?

Katsuki is honest, but does keep some things to himself. He's gotten better about being a more effective communicator, however, he still feels that not all things are meant to be shared. It's only natural that he would want to keep some feelings to himself, but he does tend to be honest about them a while after he's resolved them or learned how to make peace with them. Bakugo does his best to be open, although it can be a struggle at times. Be patient with him; he's not used to being so candid.

I: i love you. | how fast do they say the L word? who says it first?

Katsuki feels and acknowledges it long before he says it but isn't incredibly unlikely to say it first. It could be a 50/50 chance depending on your personality, and even if you were to be the one to say it first, it wouldn't pull him off kilter. He would say it back confidently, heart beating a mile a minute. He wouldn't lose his composure, but on the inside, he'd be melting into a pile of lovesick goop.

J: jealousy. | do they get jealous? does it show?

Katsuki can be quite jealous at times, —not to any fully detrimental lengths, but it might work him up a tad more than normal. He doesn't like it when other guys eye you down as if you're some prize to be stolen away; like you're fresh meat and they're some kind of predator. His trust in you is solid and unwavering, but he doesn't trust others to keep their hands off. You can handle yourself, and Katsuki knows and acknowledges as much, but that wouldn't stop him from stepping in. Usually, his jealousy settles by the time you're alone with him again. A little bit of personal affection calms him down more than enough.

K: kisses. | what kind of kisses do they like to give/receive?

Katsuki likes all sorts of kisses, —it really just depends on the time, place, and sometimes his mood. Usually, anything goes as far as he's concerned. Still, he particularly enjoys mouth to mouth kisses where you'll let him nibble at your bottom lip a little. Bakugo also likes to press his lips to the crown of your head, and it often proves to be his most innocently affectionate gesture. As for receiving, again, typically anything goes depending on the time and place. He must admit though, he's impartial to shoulder kisses because they feel intimate to him, albeit not for any reason in particular.

L: likes and dislikes. | favorite and least favorite things about being in the relationship?

Katsuki's favorite and least favorite part about being in the relationship is the emotional aspect of it all; —a double edged sword for him in every sense of the phrase. He really likes having someone to lean on, and he even likes it when you lean on him in return. Unfortunately, there are times when he just doesn't have the ability to give you what you might need, and there are times when he can't bring himself to accept what he needs either. He has a lot of emotional baggage that he doesn't want to dump all over you, but he wants to let you in. Katsuki's complicated emotional state and how it relates to you and your relationship with him is simultaneously one of his most favorite things about loving you, and something that brings him copious amounts of dread.

M: mornings. | how do they spend mornings with their partner?

Katsuki isn't a happy-go-lucky kind of morning person, but that's to be expected. He's not really the happy-go-lucky type any time of the day anyway. When it comes to spending said mornings alongside you, he's pretty much the same as he always is; —if a bit clingier until he manages to wake himself up fully. At times, he can be a little grumpy if he doesn't sleep very well, but he's quick to move past it once he's pulled himself out of bed. Don't count on him to cook in the morning though. . . If you want breakfast, you'll either have to go out and drag him along with you or make something yourself.

N: nicknames. | what do they call their partner?

Katsuki isn't a fan of the overly sweet, mushy type of pet names. He tends to settle for "babe" more often than not, but melds it down a bit more to "baby" when he's sulking over something, is looking for attention, or is feeling tired. He might call you "doll" every once in a while, and "sweetheart" isn't off the list completely, although it would be much rarer than the others.

O: out of character. | what is something people would be hard pressed to believe they do/enjoy in a relationship?

Katsuki can be incredibly romantic. Suit and tie, candlelit dinner, dressing himself up and putting on his very best face for you. Pulling your seat out for you, bringing you flowers, —the whole package and more. It's usually for special occasions (like an anniversary or your birthday,) but that side of him certainly exists, and it's lovely to see every now and again. Plus, tuxedos look really good on him.

P: pda. | do they like public displays of affection? if so, what types?

Katsuki isn't typically the biggest fan of public displays of affection, but he doesn't tend to mind smaller things after you've been in the relationship for a while. He'll place his hand on your thigh under the desks in class, will offer you a quick kiss on the crown of your head in the halls when he passes you by, and he's not opposed to holding your hand or throwing his arm around you in the lunchroom or something like that. More overt stuff, however, he would much prefer to keep behind closed doors.

Q: quirk. | what is something they do that their partner finds cute or endearing?

Katsuki mumbles to himself a lot, a habit that he's had since the day you met him. It's not something you pay much mind to anymore considering how normal it feels, but it's cute nonetheless.

R: rough times. | arguments? how often and in what manner?

Katsuki can be fairly argumentative. He's stubborn and he doesn't like to be wrong. However, he's definitely come a long way and has since made active efforts to communicate his feelings and issues more appropriately and effectively. Bakugo isn't perfect, —he can be loud, and sometimes he says things he doesn't mean in the heat of the moment. Even so, he's gotten a lot better about such things and you have no doubt he'll continue to grow. He apologizes when it's needed, accepts apologies you offer fairly easily, goes out of his way to fix issues before they really begin, and though he's far from perfect, so are you, and you've accepted that you're each just doing the best you can for one another.

S: sensitive. | what’s a sore spot for them that their partner should steer clear of?

Katsuki doesn't want to talk about his relationship with Midoriya. It's complicated, and there's a lot of feelings there that he still hasn't worked through. They know one another better than anyone else does, but the bitter air of rivalry that hangs between them (mostly from Bakugo's end) is a sore spot. He'll open up about it eventually, but it's best to leave that subject be until he comes to you about it first.

T: thrill. | do they need surprises in a relationship, or do they prefer a routine?

Katsuki doesn't mind some surprises every now and again, but routine is good for him for the most part. He's not quite accustomed to relationships yet, and because of that, he often lacks a sense of full security. Some excitement here and there may do him well, but the majority of the time, Bakugo would prefer consistency. His hero training gives him more than enough thrill to survive on anyway, even if he likes to pretend that it's all a piece of cake.

U: unacceptable. | what is something they cannot tolerate in a relationship? what is something they would never do?

Katsuki could not be in a relationship with someone who purposely pushes his buttons. He's easy to set off, and if his partner were to consistently take advantage of that for amusement, he would have to remove himself from that situation. Just as well, Katsuki would never purposefully neglect his lover's needs, even if he were angry with them. He knows what it's like to be left alone to shoulder what feels like the weight of the world, and he can't see himself ever subjecting his significant other to anything of the sort.

V: vanity. | how concerned are they about their looks? are they insecure about them?

Katsuki thinks he's pretty damn attractive. He doesn't put too much weight into his appearance, —but he's not insecure about his looks and he doesn't really care what anyone else has to say about them. If they don't like how he looks, they can put their eyes somewhere else, and that's that. Still, Bakugo isn't exactly vain. Confident, sure, but when it comes to his appearance, he's not one to gloat for the most part. He's more apt to flaunt his strength than anything else.

W: wild card. | random headcanon?

Katsuki likes being massaged, —specifically by you. Hero training is by no means easy work, so he often finds himself feeling stiff or sore in certain areas. Offer him a massage every now and again, especially for his shoulders. (Throw in a few kisses to the very same area and he'll be putty in your hands for the rest of the evening.)

X: xoxo. | how often do they hug/kiss their significant other?

Katsuki's level of affection fluctuates. Some days, he's all but wrapped around your finger, —wanting to stay in bed and just feel your warmth seep into him. Other times, Bakugo would like more space and less contact, but still appreciates affection in passing. Something small every day is his minimum, but on a typical day, he'll offer up a few types of kisses, maybe a hug or two, and will hold your hand for a while. He doesn't mind initiating, but if you'd like more than what he's given on a certain day, test the waters a bit and if he proves to be receptive, dive in headfirst. He likes to offer up the things you want.

Y: yearning. | how do they feel when their partner is away?

Katsuki is fine by himself, but does miss you a great deal. He likely won't express that aloud, but it's not hard to figure out if you know him. When his mind drifts, it drifts to you, and he'll be sure to send you a text or give you a call to check in. Hearing your voice over the phone is enough to stave him off, but he's really happy when you're back; even if he tries to play it cool.

Z: zzz. | how do they sleep with their partner? how do they sleep alone?

Katsuki hogs the bed whether you're with him or not, but he tries to temper himself when you spend the night. He likes it when you cling to him, and sleeps with no blankets when you do because he gets enough warmth from your body. When he's alone, he sleeps however feels most comfortable at any given time. He takes advantage of the open space and sprawls himself out most of the time.