#i'm even starting to notice it in myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

a-god-in-ruins-rises · 2 years ago

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it’s weird seeing people who were young adults in my childhood being old people now.

because people look “young” for a pretty long time. like from birth to adolescence your body changes dramatically all the time. but once you reach young adulthood you look /basically/ the same for like a couple decades. like from like 20 to 40.

but then once you hit 40 people start look /old/. they get wrinkles and grey hair and sagging skin and stuff.

so when i’m a kid (say 7 years old) i’m watching some movie where there’s an actor who is, at the time, 20 years old. once i’m 17 that actor is 30. he’s basically going to look the same. then when i’m 27 he’s going to be 40. now when i see him (for the first time in 5+ years because he hasn’t been in many movies) all of a sudden the dude looks like a middle aged man.

it’s quite shocking to me. i have these images in my mind of certain celebrities from my childhood as timelessly youthful because throughout /my/ youth (really, my entire life so far) they seemed to never age. but then one day they show up on a screen in front of me looking like my father and the illusion is shattered. suddenly i’m made painfully aware of how much time has actually passed.

#same thing happens with my parents too tbh #they looked so young all my life #and like they still mostly look like themselves #but sometimes i'll look at them and maybe it's the way the light hits them or something #but suddenly their age really shows #my father is no longer the man who used to play football with me when i was 16 #literally running circles around me #he moves slowly now and he's always tired and aching #it fucks with me man #i wish everyone was young again #i'm even starting to notice it in myself #i was looking at old pictures of me from high school #fucks me up

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periwinkla · 5 months ago

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Pokeattorney AU x 15th anniversary skit because I take great personal enjoyment in making fun of Edgeworth

...just as much as Phoenix does. The video in question :

youtube

_ pokeattorney AU tag

Btw just for the record whenever I mention the unnecessary feelings bit keep in mind that I didn't bat an eye when I first saw it, but in restrospect it's hilarious and now I just really like to make fun of him for it. Unconfortable Miles hides and/or says things in the most convoluted way possible adding in further embarassment upon himself. And I like to make fun of him for it <3

#ace attorney #narumitsu #miles edgeworth #phoenix wright #wrightworth #pokemon #periwinkla #pokeattorney au #I had this as a wip for something like 2 months #I have so many wips you don't understand....#this was file n.43 of 2024 #for reference the nrmt poster was n.36 (started with the layout way earlier than necessary bc I has sudden layout-inspiration ahahah)#and I have reached n.47 rn.... (which is the 14 page-travesty of a comic)#btw this was also an experiment bc I'm trying to figure out how to render the 14 page travesty #since there is no way I'm using BW coloring #it's just not for me - guess I'm allergic to BW (you might have noticed)#...I like it in other people's art but just don't like using it myself #I don't even use BW for rough sketches #not even when I drew traditionally #....always colored pencils even for sketching #btw among other things I also have a pokeattorney AU x T&T gang wip just post the BTTT dinner.... when will I ever finish that? whoknows

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ineed-to-sleep · 4 months ago

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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it

#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL #AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP #yep that was meee :3 #man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did #but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying #I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious #I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep #then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh #I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking #so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital #luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point #so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like #I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do #and I was scared it might make things worse #but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack #luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone #and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there #I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city #bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there #so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by #I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before #I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches #so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die #cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome #but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug #but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication #now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf #sleep.txt

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deoidesign · 6 months ago

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#ok finally making a post about meds #I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset #so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but #it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways #so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone #like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus #my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night #sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired #it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted #but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too #but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared #so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow #anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING #that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up #I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world #and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on #and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!

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gamebunny-advance · 6 months ago

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Oh.

If you ever wanted to know what Yonny looks like when he's falling asleep/sleeping, the comic's got you covered.

(Source)

#pikmin #yonny #yonny pikmin #pikmin comic #no sir. i don't like that.#personal updates: i've been severely depressed (again). it started about 3 days ago #i dunno where it came from. (well it's because it's June but i didn't think it was gonna be THIS bad)#i was feeling pretty good when i was making the character refs #then BANG. Max depression. It's made me play ACNH like mad again to lose myself in it.#but even then i feel anxiety while i play it. i haven't even really checked tumblr in days #i'm trying to pull myself back together #but i still feel pretty terrible #and i don't know when or if it's gonna get better #anyway. since i've been playing so much on my switch lately #i've noticed that almost all my switch friends are playing the TTYD remake #how are y'all liking it?

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disneynerdpumpkin · 4 months ago

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So was anybody gonna tell me that Meet the Robinsons is the best Disney movie of all time or was I just supposed to find that out for myself

#😭#its SO GOOD #i went into it thinking it was just gonna be a random quirky Disney film but no #i was bawling #like it's so good #meet the robinsons #mtr #oh and yeah you better believe im making my self insert/oc a Robinson now too just not sure who im gonna make myself related to #oh and I'm back haha not that anyone even noticed im gone #but I am back just very busy #when i started this blog i had more time on my hands but now i dont unfortunately 😭

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outlying-hyppocrate · 4 months ago

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well. did you fucking miss me.

#random thoughts #apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it #i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful #which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain #i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough #and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary #fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW #I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT #I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW #(<- tags canceled for now)

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kingkat12 · 1 month ago

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once again, i am back in the school library trying to write the next chapter of seven minutes... safely tucked away in a corner like this

to my fellow writers; what do you listen to when you write?

i usually just search up those dark academia classical music playlists that have titles like "you're tucked away in a library at Oxford and it's raining as you're writing a poem to your love" lmaoooo but now i have Mozart's requiem on repeat... banger after banger. not willing to argue on that matter.

also just staring at a half-empty page because writer's block is chomping on my leg like a humongous wet NYC rat😍

#revealing myself to be a classical music nerd #music nerd in general #extremely #i'm so nervous about this writer's block if you've noticed #i don't even know what to do about it #haven't had it since the start of june #am i burning out?#nah i'm not #or am i #LMAOOO

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sofastuffing · 4 months ago

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i have a headache

#i've been stuck scrolling instagram for the past few days #i don't even like being on there #modern ig is so overstimulating everything is either a reel or a reel in disguise or an image post that inexplicably has audio #i kept making myself go on there because i wanted to find a way to make art friends or a community or w/e #and i thought if i had more of a presence and interacted more i'd eventually get people to like. talk to me and comment stuff ig. idk #but ughhhh #i don't think insta is a good platform for that cause it's either pictures with a short caption or the worst media format known to man #like. idk i wanted to find and follow and be friends with and be Cool Artists (don't ask me to define that)#but no artist on instagram is a Cool Artist because there's no goddamn text on there #like if it makes sense i wanna find people who talk About art as well #but not in an art Discourse way #which is another thing. even if instagram had more Talking it would still be shit because the mainstream 'art community' is insufferable #art tiktok is that on steroids #and instagram is is bootleg tiktok #the same five discourse topics jokes memes advice whatever the only difference is now they're circlejerking about ai too #i wanna be Casual and Spontaenous and Mysterious and shit but IG's layout makes me feel like i can't just post whatever #i feel this pressure to give my posts all the same format and add tags and do this and do that and have good Branding or w/e #and it's just ughhh why can't I be a famous enigma (<- doesn't make or share anything)#even on tumblr the pressure is the same #and at the same time i hate looking back on my art accounts (both ig and here) because it just. doesn't align with what i wanna do #like my attempts at categorising and tagging and being consistent #it's just so. yuck #i want to have a Good Brand but i also want to be 'real' but then i look back at my disjointed messy past work and i cringe #i think i need to block my irls from my art accounts bc i feel super embarassed trying to do any typical Get Noticed on Social Media thing #cause it feels embarassing being seen doing shit that's ''influencer-y'' (idk what to call it)#cause it feels out of character to how i actually am in real life #but also why i do want to show my ''real'' character? I'm not cool #and that's another thing I've had these accounts for ages #looking at my past posts makes me fuckign cringe #I want to purge them or start over

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fluffs-n-stuffs · 9 months ago

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That's the thing about dreams. They all come to an end - once we wake up.

>>> Next (Coming Soon!) <<< Previous

(Destiny Bond; a Pokémon fancomic --- pt.1, pt.2, pt.3, pt.4, pt.5, pt.6, pt.7, pt.8, pt.9, pt.10, pt.11, pt.12, pt.13, pt.14, pt.15, ???)

#Destiny Bond comic #AT LONG LAST ASJDJDFSKDFNS #this was Wayyy overdue for an interlude-type update goodness gracious #but at long last after a whole lot of adjustments with my medications I'm finally not sedated on them anymore !!!#and I'm certain that's noticeable with how differently each panel's drawn here huhu 🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️#a sort of bridging update to bring us back to present cause surprise that was a whole flashback sequenceSKJDFSJKDFNSD #SUDDENLY REMEMBERING WHERE THIS COMIC ALL STARTED /LH /LH #but oh babey it's good to be back #I owe it to y'all (and myself) following a literal month between this and the previous one honestly aksjdhasnd #ooouOOUHGhg I can't wait to hurt these two even moreSDJFHUISDN /J /UNLESS #pokemon #pokemon fancomic #fancomic #comic #pokemon gsc #pokemon hgss #gym leader morty #morty pokemon #morty #mystery man eusine #eusine pokemon #eusine #sacredshipping #morty/eusine #morty x eusine

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theophagie-remade · 2 years ago

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People who fancy themselves intellectuals on this hellsite love to condescendingly bring up fandom issues to minimise them or go on about whataboutisms when the question simply is do you think people deserve to be told they ought to die or be abused over fiction and fantasies or nah

#''uwu fiction and reality have a complex relationship akchtually'' no shit. literally the only people who doubt this are the ones who #started making problems for everyone else. sorry you were too busy acting like you're above it all to notice #(why are you even bringing it up then?)#i'm pretty positive most people in fandom would love it if it was possible to go back to openly entertaining complex discussions about the #matter in more general settings and not isolated communities. if only Some People weren't always ready to start harassing others #over things that in the grand scheme of things don't really matter that much :)#but well. for how Above It All they like to act these people always do turn out to be anti-lites so...#fiction talk #+ another thing that annoys me is the whole. ''what do these terms even mean there's like 10 definitions🙄'' like.#eg i don't call myself proship because despite its origin as a term it Does give off the impression that this is just about ships #but still it does mean ''i mind my own damn business'' and that's what pretty much everyone who self identifies with it will tell you #so really. is it really that confusing. is it. or did you just ask what it meant to an ~anti~ and got Their definitions of it.#mytext

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aria-upside-down · 3 months ago

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I just want my feelings to make sense.

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apocalypticdemon · 4 months ago

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I am so beyond ready to quit this job. Wednesday cannot come fast enough.

#to be fair it's bc school starts again in a few weeks #but idk. every day at this office feels like sandpaper on my skin. people always ask me shit i dont understand #and every case is so individual there's no set checklist to follow to troubleshoot #so most of the time I just grind my gears and get stuck #it'd busy more days than not.#and it was advertised to me as data entry only. client interactions was not what i signed up for.#it's all client interaction.#we're short staffed so nobody gets to take the back office and have a break.#when we weren't short staffed i was the new guy and only got 1 day in the back a week while everyone else got 2.#all my coworkers are conservative but talk like they're apolitical.#i thought it'd be fulfilling bc im helping people get benefits #but many are rude or impatient as any other service job. I'm constantly trying to direct people that don't want to listen #or explain the intricacies of something i barely understand.#and i don't want to lead people astray bc you have to start over if you blow a deadline.#but there's just nothing redeeming that i enjoy.#i hate customer service. i hate constantly asking questions. i like seldom few of my coworkers.#i can't be me at work.#and i don't care about the work itself anymore.#this job made me cry every day for weeks last month from sheer stress and overstimulation.#i almost cried myself sick several times.#the only reason I'm not there anymore is bc i dont fucking care anymore.#it took me 2 months to burn out. 2 months!#i was training for half of that!!#idk. everyone decided i was smart and could pick it up quickly so. even though everyone else got 4-6 weeks of shadowing #you can make do with 3 before you start doing stuff solo.#which feels unfair. i wasn't ready for it. and i resent the decision quite a bit.#plus it's been a nightmare for me in terms of external stressors and my generally deteriorating mental health. so.#all in all. i hate it here.#and i can't wait to turn in my notice so i can gtfo in 2 weeks #i am so tired. free me. let me go back to my music please

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vaguely-annoyed · 6 months ago

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well well well, if it isn't the feelings i said weren't that deep

#nano bits #this is about every single feeling i have but specifically right now.....#everyone. how does one have a crush like a normal person. idk how to have one #either i am so nonchalant that people think idc about them or i fumble through every social interaction that has—#—and will ever exist and they and their grandma notice right away #i'm 27 i should hold it together better than this #nothing's gonna come from it btw even if he found out #we respect an aro king #we still caught feelings!! but we respect an aro king i will not burden this man with (vague hand gesture refering to self)#whatever i've got going on #we play dnd together and i my character became the source of one of his character's traumatic events #<-(taunting one of the big bads for them to attack ME and getting someone else hurt by dice decision)#i was trying to keep that from happening... so it was DEF NOT ON PURPOSE but yk #i still feel so bad (and anxious. as one does. when they're normal.) nano wth is wrong with u it's playing for fun...#he's kind he won't hold it against you #nano brain: WHAT IF HE STARTS HATING ME #dude chill out. you're good. it's whatevs #(<-me lying to myself)

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adore-gregor · 2 days ago

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🤞

#exams did go fairly well #hopefully nothing worse than a B but i think an A is certainly possible in at least one of them #so hopefully 🥹🥹#i did study quite a bit not as much as i hoped for but a step up from my lack of effort the last few weeks #so hopefully i can get back to better routines now #i mean i do know probably many didn't study at all for these exams as they were not that serious #buuut if you want a good grade i feel like you have to at least i studied for like 2-3 days altough i would have liked to study for a week #also my schedule is just insane i think but then maybe it's just me idk #my time management is not the best but i still wonder how others would do with so many classes and extra activities #i have like 20 classes this semester + 2 exams i intend to take extra #i'm not attending all of them that wouldn't be possible and i'm not sure i can take all the exams but i'm happy if I manage like 17 or so #but like a normal amount is 10 classes a semester in my country but in reality most students don't take this many either #well i'm basically enrolled in two programms atm so there's that ig #but often i'm just wondering when i'm gonna study #i also play tennis a lot and competiting for my club (at a rec level)#and i'm training for this entrance exam for sports (i'm currently studying teaching with other subjects + English)#altough this is making me question if i'm fit for this everyday 🫠 i'm fairly good at 2 things ball sports and just like general athleticism #we also need to dance do gymnastics and swim i struggle with all of them #i'm not fast enough at swimming and my technique is bad i can't even do a cartwheel and a bad dancer 😭#the requirements are really high though i mean when i think of people i know from tennis or football no one would even get there closely #like i was the fastest at my former football club (and at every uni football course) and i might just barely cut it for sprinting #and i'm really quite athletic when playing tennis my opponents always notice and coordinated in sports as well #but somehow coordination for gymnastics is not the same?😅 how can i be so graceful playing tennis and most sports with balls but so clumsy #otherwise like doing a handstand... no balance 🥲#but anyways i also do like general fitness stuff going to the gym running a bit and trying to eat healthy #but my studying hours are very limited often tmrw i have uni from half 2 until 8pm in the evening and i have a preparation course for sports #before uni starts at half 10 #i just really get the urge to drop everything sometimes 🥲 i also wanna see friends again more not just at uni and in the bus #i miss my semesters with 10 courses a week it was beautiful so much freedom and free time 🥹#uni was so enjoyable back then... don't get me wrong i enjoy most of my uni courses what i not enjoy is not having any time to myself

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qiallos · 30 days ago

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i'm not gone y'all i swear i've just been busy and heavily prioritizing commissions when i do have time to be online. promise i'll be around more as soon as i get my official commissions blog ( @betelguises if you'd like to support me , even just a follow helps a lot ) off the ground.

#ooc. ⸻ out of character.#also noticing more and more people in my circles are in the same circles / are friends with that one creator #who's stolen from me before #so with my new blog about to drop just for the safety of myself and my work i might start softblocking or even hardblocking people #who are friends with them #or put a rule that if ur mutuals with them to not be mutuals with me #but if u wanna just know who it is with proof hmu but i'm not about to start drama #i just don't feel comfy with the idea of them having access to my work u know ?

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