#i'm depressed too!! i left a decent paying job doing something i really liked! i would have been fine moving to a different house in town!!

[blunderpuff]

my mom hates the house, hates the neighborhood (can't walk to anything/have to get in the car for everything), can't find stuff she packed, doesn't have good places to put her stuff, her big desk doesn't fit in the "office alcove", the cat is days away from being put down and so he's clingy and sad...

MA'AM. YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS DESPERATE TO MOVE. BUYING THIS HOUSE HAS BEEN IN THE WORKS SINCE JULY OF THIS YEAR. "MOVING" AS A CONCEPT HAS BEEN THE SUBTITLE OF MY LIFE FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS. YOU DO NOT GET TO BE A PISSY TODDLER NOW. THIS IS LITERALLY ALL YOUR DOING.

[mamamittens]

Thoughts about that possible Christmas Hallmark ass movie with Nikia and the boys

So, I gotta set the scene, right? It's gotta be kinda fucking miserable--as is fitting for this capitalistic hellscape that slowly drains out all your childlike joy at the passage of time.

So, Nikia has a job with brutal hours and barely decent pay. I'm thinking probably a warehouse job rather than like, waitress or cashier so it's isolating and everyone knows those pay like dog shit. A warehouse where "union" is a swear word that can magically make write ups materialize and is barely OSHA compliant.

She is legitimately too exhausted to go out, indulge in hobbies more than an hour or two before bed, and lives off ramen and sandwiches with the rare, proper meal as a treat. Her apartment a bit shit but close to her job enough that she doesn't need a car. Barely anything left over money wise at the end of the month that she ends up saving because she genuinely doesn't have the bandwidth to spend it otherwise. So she DOES have a tiny nest egg that grows with every sluggish month.

The boys, mainly Thatch, pulled a prank and Whitebeard decided that he needed them (mainly Thatch) out of his hair for a while. At least until Cupid is ready to accept an apology without threatening to make Thatch fall in love with a donkey or something for an afternoon. Or just shoot his ass. Oh! Would be funny if Izou was originally a cupid but swapped over to the 'Christmas section' to help those intense moments of seasonal love. Thatch just really loves cooking and thinks the turkey is pretentious as shit.

Anyway, they're basically told to spin a randomizer of "Good but don't believe anymore" adults to go and restore the Spirit of Christmas in. And, shockingly (not), Nikia's name pops up.

They scope things out a bit, commenting on how depressing as shit it all is in its mundane, grindy glory.

"She's cute... Shouldn't she have a roommate or partner or... I don't know, even a cat?" Thatch muses, taking a moment to inspect her food pantry. Outside of ramen and quick snacks, it's pretty bare. "Yikes. Guess not. What do you got, Izou?"

Izou is looking through the rooms, sizing up the situation with a keen eye.

"Honestly? I think the first order of business is figuring out her finances. Judging by the state of things, she's gone a lot for work but doesn't have a lot of shit to show for it. Is she in debt? Or does it just not pay well? Can't enjoy the holidays if she's dead on her feet from exhaustion." He huffs, looking over a bookshelf of unopened anime DVDs. "And I don't see any pictures. Guess she doesn't have much family or friends. We picked a doozy, Thatch. Literally anything is an improvement from what I can tell."

"... Not good enough. We gotta blow this outta the water, Izou!" Thatch declares before faltering. "...where do we start though?"

They end up working as temps in the warehouse to get close to her, but find it harder than expected. She's not mean or anything, just clearly too tired for much outside of work related matters. The few times they manage to engage her in conversation they're turning up the charm only to be met with dry humor and sass.

Slowly, they figure out what she's actually like to do, the clock ticking away.

"Look, it pays the bills and I can't really ask for a lot more than that." She finally huffs, carting around a box of supplies before Thatch plucks it from her arms with a grunt.

"Kinda need a little more than that to live, honey. C'mon, what would you like to be doing?"

"Sleeping."

"No! I'm serious! What's... Your ideal job?" Thatch asked desperately.

Nikia pauses in thought. Tired eyes glancing upward.

(I absolutely got lost looking at jobs lmfao, apparently collision repair is a high paying AND high demand job, go figure)

"I don't know... I like fixing things?"

It's better than nothing!

Anyway, they pull a few strings and 'suddenly', she's got a flyer in her mailbox about a training program for repairs. It's a branching sort of thing where the company responsible brings in a bunch of people and sees where they fit, subsidizing them in return for the 'trainee' working on contract for a set time depending on the training required. Gotta invest, after all!

She's not sure, like, really not sure at first but they encourage her and help do research to reassure her it's legit and not some creepy scam.

Franky, the lead of the program, is a very strange man but enthusiastic and totally understands what it takes to retain workers and a good work environment. She has a blast, even if she thinks a lot of her fellow trainees and trainers are weirdos. It's meant fondly.

She gets paid a lot better with subsidized housing as part of the program (part of it is meant to help people get on their feet from unfortunate circumstances). So she moves, but it's great! Suddenly, she's sleeping well! With so much free time and forced socializing with very extroverted folks who are kind and invite her to things!

She kinda breaks down after the first month, after catching herself not only planning a little dinner with her new friends but eyeing a new, self indulgent thing with no fear of penny pinching.

The boys are very moved and supportive, their original goal kinda getting lost as they're getting attatched.

Of course, the holidays roll around and she insists on inviting them to anything she's going to for support and as thanks.

She's not quite a believer but mostly just because she's still recovering from brutal hours and low pay.

As the snowfall becomes more frequent, she thinks to Christmas time and that she's got people to celebrate with thanks to the boys. So, she plans an extra special gift for them!

Not sure if I want a third act breakdown (they usually piss me off tbh).

But! They do think they lost their chance for the year because she doesn't really believe in Santa or Christmas like they were meant to get her too, only to discover Marco dropping by a Christmas party with Nikia to take them home.

Apparently, just giving her something to believe in was enough all along.

They leave with a note explaining as best they can and are depressed despite finally coming home. Nikia, is, naturally, incredibly devastated that her closest friends left so quickly.

Maybe her new group of friends crack down to try and find those scoundrels that broke her heart by running off and somehow manage to find out who they actually were.

She's shocked, naturally, but refuses to chase after them. Certain they'd have said so if it was under duress and would return if that was the case anyway. But that's not good enough for her new friends!

No!

How dare they abandon her before Christmas!

So they actually manage to storm the North Pole on her behalf and Whitebeard is so fucking amused about it. It's been ages since he's been this entertained.

While this is happening though, a massive ice storm has hit the city and frozen everyone into their houses. Someone in her apartment got a little too creative and the power cut off, leaving her fucking freezing.

The boys check on her with the nice list thing and realize she's having a rough go of it at the moment, teaming up with the others to rescue her (and her apartment building, rip the idiot who fucked with the electrical wiring).

It ends with a big hooray, and then asking if she'd like to meet their family. As their third. Cue wolf whistles.

Maybe she ends up employed at the North Pole for half of the year helping with repairs. That'd be fun.

The other half is vacationing and traveling with the boys as they do their own jobs or something.

Very cute and silly and now I am very tired and will sleep lol

[ask-the-dweets]

Dwight "Elf" Fairfield

(Known as Dwight in most AUs) Pronouns: He/him Gender: Cis male Sexuality: Demisexual/poly Age: 25 Height: 5'10" (179cm) Time in the fog: 25+ years, he's lost track

Elf's main build: Prove Thyself, Unbreakable, Resilience, Iron Will

His perks are primarily to keep himself running no matter what. If he's up he can help the team, and he'll do his best to carry that team and take the heat if needed.

Elf's other available perks: Elf can use any and all survivor perks!!! but some others he often uses are Dead Hard, Adrenaline, and Decisive Strike

Playstyle: Aggressive He's either working on generators or distracting the killer. He's not one to dick around in a trial. He can act like a completely different person sometimes with how energetic he can be with griefing a killer for it to attack him. You know those really annoying Dwights that will loop you the entire game and be a dick about it? Yeah that’s him.

Favoured item: A flashlight or medkit, though he can find a use for almost anything. And if he can’t he’ll hand it off to another teammate that can use it.

🎄Get to know Elf under the cut! 🎄

Elf’s past is a little muddled to himself at this point, and sometimes past reminiscing from the other Dwights make him confused on which memories are actually his, but:

He didn’t have it very easy, his parents were overbearing and always pushing him into things he didn’t want to do, and places he knew he wasn't suited for being in. It sort of gave him his more detached, distant behaviour. It was also extremely common for him to fail in most outlets of his life or be picked on by others for being a pushover.

This was no different when he finally got a decent job at Peak 22. 

The boss, Lazar, had found Dwight to be a great punching bag for the few months he had worked there. The pay was too good for Dwight to really consider leaving...yet. He could handle it for a while longer until he found something better.

There had been a ‘teambuilding exercise’ that was mandatory for all of the Peak 22 workers to go to, a camping trip. Nobody particularly wanted to be there, including himself. His boss brought out his patented moonshine for the event, bolstering it to be the best of the best. Everyone rolled their eyes, but nobody refused Lazar. They didn’t want to lose their jobs. Dwight isn’t sure if his drink was spiked or if he was just that bad at holding his liquor but either way when he came to, everyone was gone. Probably another one of Lazar’s great pranks, but he never made it back home.

--

5 songs I associate with Elf:

(Warning: This is at the mercy of mod's taste in music :P) Main song: Not Havin a Blast - Demi the Daredevil I'm not a good person - Pat The Bunny People Watching - Air Traffic Controller Every Day is Exactly the Same - Elektrik People Don't Save Me - Chxrlotte

Spotify Playlist (Songs that remind me of Elf, Warning: It's depressing)

Potentially one of the first Dwights in the fog, if not the first

He’s been trapped in the fog longer than he had been alive outside of it and has gone through multiple campfires

His first and longest campfire was with his original crew consisting of most of the older survivors. This is where he had a relationship with Jake, Meg, and Claudette, unfortunately they later faded into the void but somehow he managed to stay for the other survivors still at the campfire

Even now he holds onto friendship bracelets that belonged to them

From his other friends fading he had a brief stint with the Trapper, Evan, too. Who taught him a lot about the killer side of things. Unfortunately it didn't go over well and his campmates no longer trusted him; he was forced to separate himself from Evan and was ostracized from the other survivors for a long time.

It left him bitter.

When Fancy finally came around Elf was nearing the void, but was brought back by the need to help Fancy through the hellscape of the fog

At that point he had been able to have a small rag-tag campfire of other survivors that trusted him

He’s very protective over Fancy and tries to look out for him

At this point Elf is quite jaded and moody, and is generally untrusting of most people and places. It comes from being burned too many times in the fog, and at this point he’s too far gone to bother to make solid connections with other people anymore.

He’s likely to push away or lash out at someone if they try to get close to him, the loneliness and the desperation to be loved is still there but it comes out as anger when he tries to fight it

He’s likely nearing the void again

Though he’s not as approachable or as nice as Fancy he still tries to be friendly, to other survivors, if distant

He has a soft spot for any member of the OG 4

He doesn’t really feel fear properly anymore, if at all

In a trial he is in full work mode and will always calculate how to be the most efficient he can be. Often with the other two Dwights that means he’s on running duty.

He has no regard for his own life and will throw himself in the way for others If he deems it a wise decision for the team, it’s more just going through the motions than for proper regard to the other. 

In trials, Elf can sometimes come off as a completely different person. Energetic, loud, and fiery, whatever he needs to be to get the killer’s attention.

He absolutely HATES the Elf costume, and because of it now he also hates bells. Even jokes about it can put him in a bad mood. He still doesn’t necessarily dislike Christmas, but he does hate it when it is associated with himself.

The sweater is itchy, the bells are annoying, the shoes are inconvenient and uncomfortable, and the tights are... well, tight.

He spaces out on occasion, it rarely happens in trial but it can be rather common at the campfire. He also often falls asleep when he doesn’t mean to.

He’s constantly tired, he used to be fatigued from stress and fear… now it just feels like static. He often thinks he feels numb.

Knows the names of all of the killers (refuses to use them) and is adept in noticing changes in trials/maps

Doesn’t really stutter at all, may stutter if surprised but he’s more likely to freeze up. 

He pauses in his speech when he’s feeling uncomfortable

Nervous habits: He prefers being more closed off from others, covering his chest by folding his arms, slouching forward and generally just looking less approachable

In-Game Reference: Mr. Elf Outfit (Only forced to wear it in trials!! He can wear whatever he wants outside of it!)

His other main outfit he wears often (Designed by @dwhatsup)

He often wears it without the jacket, gloves and beanie

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas!!! I’m so appreciative for the safe space you’ve created and I wish only the best for you. If you have any wisdom for me I could really use it, this might be a lot and all over the place so please only answer if you have the spoons <3

In 1 week I’m quitting my job (along with the entire career path that goes with it) and I feel so broken over it. This career has been my dream since I was 11yo, it’s non-standard, creative, pays plenty, and gives me the freedom to choose what I work on, when I work, and who I want work with. I dropped out of my university with just 1 year left of my bachelors to pursue it because I hated school so much. I have genuinely put every ounce of myself into it. And... I hate it so much. I haven’t told anyone yet because I can barely admit it to myself.

I’m so scared because I don’t think I know who I am without this job. I feel like I have nothing else going for me in my life, I don’t have a group of people I can lean on and I can’t go finish my degree and have no other qualifications. It’s not that I feel I can’t make something of myself now because I know I can but it’s more so like starting next week everything I’ve done in my life will amount to a pile of nothing. And honestly? I feel pretty pathetic realizing that I only really have my job, I’m not good with people and don’t make friends easily and when I do I can’t bring myself to make them last, I’m not incredibly smart or clever, and tbh I don’t think luck has ever been on my side.

I’m also scared that I’m giving up on something that I shouldn’t. I can’t help but feel like I ruined it for myself in a very Vienna way. I was 19 when I left school and I don’t think I ever coped with the overwhelming feeling of oh my god I have to work everyday for the rest of my life and have real responsibilities now and what if that was too much and if I started my job when I was 22 I’d be fine and I’d still love it. I’m absolutely certain in my decision to leave but I don’t know how I’m going to confront losing everything I know about my identity. And what if when I do figure something else out, my tragic disconnectedness makes me hate that too because I feel like it’s inevitable that I grow to hate everything around me.

Hi!

Oh god, this is SO relatable for me. And really, I think you're definitely doing the right thing.

A few things...

First of all, even though you're quitting your job now, that doesn't make the work you did in the past suddenly amount to nothing. It's still something you can be proud of. Hell, from a purely neutral standpoint, holding a job for a decent amount of time looks great on a resume!

I also think it's absolutely brave an commendable that you're taking a step to better your life by searching for what makes you happy. There's NOTHING wrong with doing that at all, and I genuinely wish I could do the same.

As far as realizing your job is your identity- I've been there. During covid, when I couldn't teach, I realized that teaching had become my entire personality. I took all my self-worth from being a good teacher. And I went through a literal depression. But it forced me to find hobbies and spend time with my wife (then-fiancee) and rethink things that are important to me.

Take this time to figure out what makes you you. What hobbies do you enjoy? What makes you happy? Go out by yourself to a bar or to a movie or an art class. Find what makes you feel fulfilled and do it a lot.

You've got this, and I'm SO proud of you for taking this step!

(Also I am naming all the anons who write to me in case they want to write in the future, and I am using a random positive affirmation generator to do so. So I dub thee: brave anon. Enjoy your free tag!)

[funkymbtifiction]

This pandemic has brought out the worst in me. My sleeping schedule is a mess (I go to sleep at 6am and wake up at 2pm), I'm barely able to get out of the bed, I can barely do the dishes and take out the trash, I spend too much time on YouTube and inside my head, thinking about all the stuff I wanted to work on but being unable to do it.

My memory has also gotten worse - if it's not something I'm not obsessed with then I'll not remember the details. I was trying to snap myself out of this hazy floating by trying to focus my mind at least on reading, which is something I absolutely love, but now I'm unable to focus even on a plot I find interesting and intriguing, my mind immediately starts to wander, or I need to do at least 2 things at once (reading and checking Reddit, or reading and listening to some ambient music). I've also started to not finish stories where I once used to read a book a day.

I know the theory of what I should be doing, but that's it. I'm unable to JUST DO it. I think my Te is trying to motivate me by trying to wake up my conscience, but it's not enough. I hate this because I know I can do things and concentrate and be responsible and productive, but because I'm fine and all my basic needs are met I don't have the need to pull myself together. I used to fuel my 7 by travelling and observing people, but now that we need to stay home, and I have covid (so my friends bring me groceries), my 9w1 core sloth is all too happy to be left alone, with my devices.

I know that this pandemic brought pandemic fatigue with it, plus it's spring and I'm always tired in spring (plus my years-long medical issues with thick blood and low blood pressure), but it's driving me crazy that I could've gotten better at my hobbies and could've reached some of my goals by now only if I DID things. Things that used to work don't help anymore. And then I don't even stay mad long because some new video distracts me.

Is there something from a mbti perspective that can help to start doing things and concentrating on them? (For context I'm an ENFP 9w1 7w6 2w3)

Also thank you so much for this blog, thank you for helping lost souls find their way and be better people, both inside their head and outside when interacting with the outer world ❤️ I haven't been studying mbti for that long but so far I've seen so much valuable information on your blog, and for free!

Are you mad enough at yourself yet to change your behavior?

That's really the bottom line here, because you KNOW that YOU have to start being responsible and doing things and not just wasting your time... but YOU are the only person who will force yourself to do things.

A couple of thoughts. First, I recognize this phenomenon / brain fog. It happened to me several times last year during the pandemic (where I am, things are opening up, so hopefully they will soon for you as well) and I hated it. My mind was unclear, I had lots of things I needed to do but could not focus on any of them. It was, to be honest, a Si grip, which yanks you out of Ne-dom (possibilities, excitement about doing projects, seeing things made real) and turns your intuition into a "fog." There's no access to Fi (do I care about this? if I care, am I a principled person enough to do it?) and no Te (how am I going to prioritize my tasks?), just Si (I'm comfy doing nothing and feeling depressed) and flits of Ne, which only show up as being bored, easily distracted, etc. So some of this is a Si grip, and some of it is general depression (being unfocused, sleeping in late, not taking care of yourself, no motivation even for things you love, unable to finish things). You need to approach it by dealing with both -- getting back into your stronger functions (Ne: envisioning possibilities and finding a purpose, Fi: drawing upon your character and who you want to be and what you care about, to take action, Te: making a plan, forcing yourself to do what needs done, and keeping track of your progress to self-motivate) -- and by recognizing and admitting that you are depressed, and asking what you can do about it.

Second, you have built up some BAD habits during the pandemic. I get it. I fell into some of this as well last autumn, when I ceased being my usual productive self and started leaving work (from home) at 3pm every day. I developed a bad habit of just watching television, which numbed my brain and ultimately bored me. It's only now that I have hope and can go to the store without a mask on that I am feeling happier (my little 7 wing rejoices and has PLANS) and can work through into the late afternoon. I'm re-establishing a schedule that is productive throughout the day instead of allowing myself to "meander" in life. So what you need to do is look at your habits. Make a list of them. Look at what you told me: basically, it is I have become undisciplined, my sleep schedule is bad, and then I wake up late and feel lazy so I don't do anything. What is ONE THING that would jolt you into a different routine? Go to bed on time. Set a time every night, shut off all your devices an hour ahead of it, read a book until you get sleepy, and go to sleep. Wake up at a decent hour. If you wake up at 7am instead of 2pm, your body won't fall into its usual "welp, afternoon is half over, guess I'll watch YouTube" habit. It will go -- wait, what new habit are we forming? Breakfast? Then work?? Okay!

Lastly, and this is HUGELY important for an ENFP -- decide the night before what you are going to accomplish or work on tomorrow. Why? It prepares your brain to know what is expected from it. Unless I do this each night, and have a notion of how I am going to spend my time, my Ne goes ?!?! and I get very little done or waste three hours trying to decide what to do. But if I say, "Okay, tomorrow I am finishing chapter four," I usually finish chapter four (and then some). Today, I have to work at my paying job. I knew this last night, so I am mentally clear and prepared to focus only on the task at hand. I don't treat today as "mine." It belongs to my employer. I know what I am going to do, I intend to do it, and when I get home, I know what else I can work on. Learn to create this habit each night before bed. Decide what tomorrow is going to be like and commit to it.

As for tasks you don't want to do that still need done -- just do them. You can spend 2 weeks avoiding them, or spend an hour and get it over with so you don't feel like crap about yourself because you have kept avoiding it for weeks. Decide, "Tomorrow, I am doing that thing first thing in the morning," and then do it.

You will find that when you start setting yourself tasks (Te) that your Ne starts working properly again -- it will become more focused, less hazy, and more interested in what you can contribute, rather than just mindless "consuming." It's fine to have a down day now and again (even so, it's also useful to have a vague idea the night before of what this day will contain, even if it's fun -- it's fun and exciting to anticipate things) but your life NEEDS structure, or you won't do anything.

I hope you can pull yourself out of this, because you won't be happy unless you do. ENFPs need to get things done, contribute, feel like they are moving forward, and have something to show for their time. Without it, they will get angry at themselves -- as you well know.

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: I heard from Edie, so you can pass that good news on, like Rio: Yeah? Rio: Did she say where she was or anything? Nancy: Obviously not Nancy: Why talk about herself when she can have more fun being a bitch about everyone else, right? Rio: At least you heard from her, something to tell the 'rents anyway, better than radio silence Rio: that's about how it usually goes, yeah Nancy: Yeah Rio: Cheers for letting us know Rio: how's everything? Nancy: The baby's fine. Ro's Ro Rio: Yeah Rio: She been to sleep yet? Nancy: Of course not Rio: Didn't think so Rio: She'll crash eventually Nancy: She should be medicated Nancy: But you know Rio: Not if she's gonna breastfeed Rio: if she can produce milk Nancy: She blatantly won't Nancy: Jesus, if she doesn't want drugs I'll take them Nancy: Fight my mum for them, like Rio: Shame Daddy hasn't put in an appearance yet, could really come through for you all by the sounds Nancy: I'm not that desperate Nancy: Not yet Rio: He'll be gutted Nancy: I'd like to think he'd be a bit too preoccupied to notice me Rio: Unlikely Rio: newborns are time consuming for the Ma sure, but boring lbr, not gonna pique his interest Nancy: I'm unlikely to either though Nancy: This is hardly a club atmosphere Nancy: Shame, like Rio: He's willing to liven up a baby shower Rio: can't be tamed, truly Nancy: Don't Nancy: I can only repress so much and I'm at my limit here Rio: Weren't that bad, like Nancy: Still Nancy: Thanks to your sister I'm in no mood Rio: Whaddya gonna do Nancy: How or what do I know Rio: Well it's over now Nancy: If only we could say that about the rest of this mess Nancy: Did Buster send you his flight details yet? Rio: Can't cry about it forever Rio: she'll get on with it Rio: Drew'll do whatever he does, life goes on Rio: Yeah, did he you Nancy: None of that is good enough, but yeah sure Nancy: Of course he didn't Nancy: He doesn't need me to pick him up from the airport, like Nancy: Priorities Rio: Maybe not Rio: but that's how it is regardless Rio: True enough Nancy: The defeatist attitude is catching, yeah? Okay Rio: What? Nancy: None of us are gonna care about how much of a mess this is anymore then? It's run its course Rio: She's a grown woman Rio: and it's her life Rio: What do you expect me to do Rio: or you Nancy: I don't expect you to do anything Nancy: Just be happy that my brother is coming back for this Nancy: That's what matters, obviously Rio: Why have you got a problem with me suddenly? Nancy: I don't Nancy: You know that's what important Rio: Well I'm not allowed to see the baby so yeah, to me it is Rio: if you want me to rock up and make Ro worse, like, I still won't so sorry to disappoint Nancy: How do you think that's what I want? Nancy: Oh my god Rio: Well you're pissed off at someone, babe and you're directing it at me Rio: and I haven't done anything else wrong, unless I have so Nancy: How are you not pissed off at everyone? That's my point Rio: Because it's exhausting Rio: and I don't care to change her mind of me, she can think what she likes Nancy: It's exhausting trying to hold everything together too Nancy: It's exhausting every way Rio: I know Rio: that's why I've stopped Rio: call it defeatist but it wasn't working anyway Nancy: I don't want to do this anymore Nancy: Maybe Edie's right Nancy: Or you are with using my brother as your escape hatch Rio: Fuck you Rio: that's not what I'm doing Nancy: No? Rio: No Nancy: Well then maybe you should Nancy: He does with you, to deal with being there Rio: Grow up Rio: She's 15 Rio: What's your excuse? Nancy: What's your problem? Nancy: You love him, you lean on him, that's how it works Rio: You have no idea Nancy: I know how relationships work I'm not a total idiot Rio: if you think it's using each other for a means to an end then no Rio: you really don't Nancy: What so you're mad 'cause I put the word use in there? Nancy: Okay its the wrong word Nancy: I'm sorry Rio: Whatever, forget about it Nancy: No Rio: Then what Rio: say what you wanna say Nancy: I don't want to fall out with you Nancy: I need you, okay? Nancy: So let me fix it Rio: We're not gonna fall out Rio: it's alright Nancy: It's not Nancy: Nothing is Nancy: I'm as much of a mess as everything else Rio: Yeah Rio: I know Rio: but I really don't have any solutions, I'm sorry, like Rio: I really am Nancy: It's not your job Rio: Nope Rio: it's no one's but we can still try Rio: or not Rio: either way is fine Nancy: I don't know what to do Nancy: Nothing I've tried works Nancy: I can't even talk to Edie, I'm out of my depth with everything Nancy: Jesus Rio: Well, no one can talk to Edie Rio: It's always on her terms, she's just good at that, it keeps everyone at a distance she's happy with Rio: but Rio: what else do you need to deal with, right now, like? Nancy: It was like I was back on the playground, like oh she's horrible to me I gotta be horrible back Nancy: Am I a child? No Nancy: And you were there the other night too so Rio: You can't beat yourself up about it Rio: It's what she wanted Rio: and you still tried, so it's something, though it doesn't feel worth it, I'm sure Nancy: Yeah, I guess Rio: It is Rio: My Ma will appreciate it if literally nothing else Nancy: It's fucked 'cause so much of what she said about me is true Rio: Don't mean she had to say it the way she did Rio: if at all Rio: 'cos I've been there, I know how it goes Nancy: What does it say about me though that I'm such a mess she doesn't even know me and she knows it Rio: She pays more attention than you'd reckon she could Rio: being gone and that Nancy: Clearly Nancy: What a headfuck Rio: Yeah Rio: I ain't gonna apologize on her behalf, you know but Rio: sorry it's got you this way now Nancy: It's not just her Nancy: I wish I could handle her all the blame but Nancy: hand* Nancy: I've made plenty of my own mistakes on top Rio: Yeah Rio: I know you're struggling right now Rio: and I know the club only ever seems like the answer once you're drunk enough, if that Rio: but I'm fucked if I have any better ideas, you know Nancy: I don't think I can ever go back there Nancy: It's so embarrassing Nancy: Thank god this town has plenty of others Rio: You know Rio: they see it every night too, babe Nancy: Okay, I'll take that but if I see that girl again I will die Rio: Not to be that bitch but do you even remember her face Rio: the snaps already dead, like Nancy: Ouch Nancy: I can't forget 'cause she's texted me since Nancy: I'm such a mess even strangers have to check in and check up Rio: Oh dear Rio: at least she's being Rio: nice? Rio: Yeah, that is shaming, no way 'round it Nancy: You don't even know Nancy: But don't worry I won't give you details Rio: You can if you wanna vent but yeah, also feel free to take it to your grave Rio: again, been there, most of us have Nancy: I don't think you have though Nancy: That's what I'm saying Nancy: We were having fun, I thought, but then she rejected me 'cause I was too drunk Nancy: I can't do anything right, literally Rio: Ahh Rio: awkward but at least she did the decent thing, like Rio: it's rare people do, sadly Nancy: Buster has slept with how many girls on nights out, like Nancy: I can't even get one Nancy: It's depressing Rio: Probably don't make it a competition, like Rio: if the vibe ain't good, people are gonna pick up on it Nancy: I know you're right Nancy: But god Rio: I know Rio: it's frustrating then it's like, kill me Rio: I have been there, just the once like but Rio: I know how it is Nancy: Give me a war story I need to be cheered Nancy: Thanks Rio: I don't think it will 'cos literally your brother only lad decent enough and you get enough of his heroics Rio: hmm Rio: oh, I can tell you about the time I rode his friend James because that's enough to make anyone feel better about their life Nancy: OH MY GOD Nancy: James as in the boy Chloe is with? Rio: Mhmm Nancy: GROSS Nancy: I can't believe they are having a baby together Rio: I know Rio: Wanna feel sorry for a kid Rio: That's the one, like Nancy: Honestly Nancy: That has actually made me feel less sad Nancy: Thanks, Ri Nancy: Sorry I was such a bitch Rio: Don't mention it Rio: Nothing laughing at the misfortune of others can't fix Rio: Kinda Nancy: Can we mention why the hell you let James near you though? Nancy: That needs to be addressed Rio: 😒 that makes it so much worse Rio: lord Rio: cut a long story short, boyf of the time left me stranded and i needed a bed for the night Rio: bad as it sounds, so you are free to judge Nancy: Oh Nancy: Why didn't you go to ours if you were in London? Rio: Well, I was trying to avoid your brother so yeah Rio: fail all 'round Nancy: It's my house too Nancy: You can always go there even if he's being a prick Rio: Thanks for the retroactive offer, babe Rio: appreciate it Rio: as much as it'd be a laugh to come for her mans, not gonna repeat Nancy: I don't even like boys but even I can tell he wouldn't be good in bed Rio: 😬 Rio: oh god don't remind me Rio: the flashbacks 😂 Nancy: Sorry babe Nancy: He always used to flirt with me Nancy: So I'll join you in the gross flashbacks, like Rio: yeah buster said Rio: actual deviant, like Nancy: The threesome jokes, oh lord Nancy: Why James Rio: He's tragic Rio: Can't even wish Chloe on him though Nancy: I bet she'll agree to get another girl in Nancy: As long as she doesn't call me, like Rio: Ew God Rio: the phonecall no one needs Nancy: She's so bi curious we all know it Rio: 😂 you reckon Nancy: That homophobia is coming from somewhere, and in this century, come on Rio: You right Rio: gonna come out on James in like 10 years time Nancy: At least her kid might end up with one decent mum Nancy: I'm still not volunteering though Nancy: Sorry Chlo Rio: Oh snap Rio: sure one of her friends will be down Rio: cute accessory if nowt else Nancy: They've all kissed each other at enough parties Nancy: Don't start me on that Rio: I mean Rio: guilty Rio: at least I backed it up? 😬 Nancy: You need to explain yourself before I fight you Rio: 😂 but we just made up Nancy: And you weren't bullying me for liking girls then kissing them to attract boys, but Nancy: Still side eyeing you Nancy: I was gonna ask what you were doing tonight but now we have drama so, like Rio: Damn, it be like that Rio: I won't even tell you I'm free then Nancy: Invite me somewhere and I'll forgive you Nancy: Maybe Nancy: 'Cause my mum and yours are swapping babysitting duties for my aunt and I don't wanna be home for her return really Rio: Alright Rio: see what I can do Rio: you can crash at ours if nothing else, what's another head Nancy: No drinking and no clubs, yeah? Nancy: There's my only rules Rio: Got you Nancy: I need a girlfriend so you can stop taking me on dates Rio: Oh Rio: Charming Nancy: You know me and my brother don't like sharing Rio: 😏 Yeah okay Rio: nothing personal, is it? Nancy: You know I love you, babe Nancy: Not gonna say more than him but Rio: If you not willing to put up the fight, fine Rio: so defeatist, god 😉 Nancy: I deserve that okay, bitch Rio: Yeah, now we're even Nancy: I'm so sad, be nice to me Rio: I see where you're going wrong, babe Rio: that's no chat up line is it Nancy: Oh my god Nancy: Are you really hate criming me again? Nancy: Girl stop Rio: I'm giving you advice to get bitches Rio: literally could not be more of an ally thanks Nancy: I'm yet to see any actual advice Nancy: Fake fan Rio: Only 'cos you won't let me Rio: call me out for queerbaiting Nancy: When have I stopped you? Rio: It's in your eyes, babe Rio: 👀 Nancy: You know I'm shy Nancy: The eye contact is very intense, babe Rio: 😏 Tips Nancy: If you were that committed to helping me you wouldn't have taught my brother to kiss Nancy: I had to learn on my own, outrageous Rio: Like you would ever Rio: do you remember that kid who used to hang around us Rio: we couldn't think of his name Nancy: The one who dared you? Nancy: Sure Nancy: Sully Nancy: I don't know why I can remember that and not what I did earlier Rio: Omg Rio: that's it! Rio: Nice one, babe Nancy: He was so Nancy: Well, weird Rio: You know Rio: was dubious how often he was in the pub, tbf Rio: not your grandad Rio: idek what punter was his old man Nancy: I feel like it was that man who always left his teeth behind Nancy: Creeped me out Nancy: Not saying it's why I'm gay but sir, please don't Rio: 😂 Rio: ew Rio: root of all your trauma Rio: you have a good memory, I'd forgot so much of this Nancy: What I literally don't have in short term I make up for in recall, apparently Nancy: Men are so gross Rio: Committing that to memory, gotcha Rio: the talent was not all that Rio: probably didn't think they were being judged by children tho Nancy: Do you remember that barmaid? She could be why you're straight by the same logic Rio: Oh my God, I do remember her Rio: literally reminds me of that bitch from the angel Rio: sue, sharon, whatever Rio: if she wouldn't be well past it by now i'd reckon it was her, telling me off still Nancy: Right?! Nancy: Buster never got in trouble, the prick Nancy: Which still hasn't changed Rio: 🙄 such a jammy lil lickarse Rio: bless Nancy: Golden boy forever Nancy: It's not my fault I was clumsy as hell Nancy: I hadn't grown into my tallness yet okay sorry Rio: aw Rio: like bambi on ice Rio: it's so sharon, woman hater forreal Rio: soz we were cute babe Nancy: Especially me, call me hun 💋 Nancy: 😂 Rio: 😂 Rio: i know u did not want her to lips you over me Rio: that's just a barefaced lie Nancy: True Nancy: But we aren't playing truth or dare now Rio: Guess that isn't tempting enough plans then? Rio: back to the drawing board Nancy: It'd be fun Nancy: Until you got too honest about my brother Nancy: Gross Rio: You control what you ask, so don't be nosy and we'll be fine 😜 Rio: Just come over then, I'll find a shitty chickflick on netflix, get some popcorn Nancy: Okay Nancy: Are you there now? Rio: Yep, I don't know who else is exactly but it's chill Rio: no doubt gracie and bills will clamour to go with mum Rio: but can maybe tempt 'em if we got some ice cream in Nancy: I'll let Grace do my nails Nancy: They are so chipped right now Rio: Now that's an offer Nancy: She can straighten my hair too if she wants Nancy: Not gonna resist Rio: Seriously, how could she Rio: like she working on commission with them things, I swear 😏 Nancy: I'll pay her in not loudly booing every time the man is on screen Rio: 😂 that's the spirit Nancy: I can't promise I won't make it gay whenever the 'best friend' appears but you know Nancy: What can you do when its not even subtext? Rio: Idk, go storyboard some fanfiction about it probably Rio: is that not how tween you would do Nancy: I don't even wanna write when school makes me, thank you Rio: You mean you had to whack it to porn like the rest of us heathens Rio: that's so sad Nancy: Yeah Nancy: No wonder I'm such a mess, like Rio: I hope you watched gay porn 'cos lesbian is bad Rio: like bad bad Nancy: Tell me something I don't know Nancy: But there are some lesbians making it these days Nancy: Taking the fanfiction up a notch, if you like Rio: that's something Rio: but we aren't watching porn with my little sisters, sorry Nancy: Good Nancy: If you wanna come on to me I know you can be more creative than that Rio: Throwing down the gauntlet like that alright Rio: I see you 😂 Nancy: Like I said, I need a girlfriend Rio: Yeah Rio: I'll get on Tinder for you, get the ball rollin' Nancy: Don't Nancy: That's not the kind of dares we're doing Rio: Fine Rio: but I'm taken n off limits, remember Nancy: 💔 Nancy: But sure Rio: 😘 heartbreaker forever Nancy: I'll text Sully about it Rio: 100% will dare you to like hey remember me Nancy: If we can find him Nancy: How many Sullivans are there? 1000s Rio: Banking on your encyclopedic memory and my sleuthing skillz, of course Nancy: I wish I knew his actual name like Nancy: Where are you? Was that teeth man your dad? Rio: So many questions left unanswered Rio: are you fit now Rio: should i have hit that Nancy: You should've kissed him instead Nancy: Maybe he'd still be part of the gang Rio: he should've tried harder Rio: wimp, like Nancy: He was trying pretty hard you were just paying more attention to Buster Rio: Shh Nancy: 🙄 Nancy: And I didn't see this coming Nancy: Okay then Rio: I mean Rio: If anyone should've Nancy: I'm an idiot Nancy: Moving on Rio: It's alright, it's not like I kept showing him how to kiss and you were like Rio: this game has been going on too long lads Nancy: Oh my god Nancy: Don't put mental images in my head, like Rio: you know we were avoiding each other Nancy: I know that's what you said Rio: You don't trust me? 😲 Rio: Rude Nancy: I'm just saying Nancy: I've said lots of things and not said even more Rio: Mysterious Rio: Imma get the truth Rio: Sleuthing Nancy: Not if that's literally the game, babe Nancy: You won't have to work very hard Rio: Gotta ask the right questions still Rio: don't downplay my hardwork Nancy: Yeah yeah Nancy: I'm doing my own making myself look presentable so Rio: aw for me? Rio: you didn't need to do that Nancy: More 'cause I don't need Gracie asking me why I've been crying Nancy: But you can still enjoy the view Rio: Oh babe Rio: dry your eyes Nancy: They are, but the mascara ain't letting me forget Nancy: Waterproof is such a lie Rio: Preach Nancy: I've spent so much money on so many different brands Nancy: Rude, like Rio: Practically funded the research, babe Rio: do they care, no Nancy: Seriously Nancy: Let me cry I'm stressed Rio: but well-dressed Rio: what really matters Nancy: Not right now, but you're easily impressed so Rio: 😱 Rio: Literally the rudest thing you've said to me Rio: get out Nancy: Sorry but you're dating Buster Rio: 😒 Rio: square up Nancy: No Nancy: You're small but fierce Rio: Yeah and we're brawling now Rio: 🥊 Nancy: Stop trying to gay bash me Rio: Stop thinking gay and mean are personality traits, bitch 😜 Nancy: Ouch Nancy: Now that was mean Rio: Got too real Rio: you did come for my mans Nancy: He's my twin, I have to Rio: 😂 Rio: Fair, just keep it behind my back too, like Nancy: Fine Nancy: Am I actually a bitch? Rio: No Nancy: You can tell me if I am, like Nancy: I won't start a real fight over it Rio: You aren't Rio: no more than you've got right to be Nancy: That just means I am but you like it 😏 okay Rio: Steady on Rio: it means you're fine Nancy: Alright Rio: Trust Nancy: I'm raiding our fridge for snacks to bring, anything you want? Nancy: Cupboards after Rio: hmm is there anything that contains carbs/sugar in your house Rio: 'cos that's all I'm feeling Nancy: I'm the one who shops for this house so yeah Rio: 🙌 Nancy: I'm literally looting before mum returns I feel like I'm about 10 years old Rio: That's the plan, baby Nancy: Take me back Nancy: I peaked too young clearly Nancy: All been going wrong since Rio: Oh hush Rio: you the same bad bitch you was then Nancy: 😂 Rio: i'm fr hoe Nancy: You're ridiculous Rio: 😑 Nancy: I've never been a bad bitch and you can't be mad about it Rio: Disagree Nancy: How and why? Rio: I'm not gonna be gay about it Rio: but you're funny and not afraid to be yourself with it, what's not bad about that Nancy: There'd be nothing bad about it if everyone else also thought it Rio: Who cares what they think Nancy: Um...me Nancy: Obviously Rio: Why Rio: like genuine Nancy: 'Cause I had so many girls telling me negatives so many years and I don't wanna believe that they are right Nancy: Other options would be nice Nancy: Other opinions too, like Rio: Fair enough Rio: but who do you reckon doesn't think that Nancy: Nobody's changed my mind that they got anything wrong about me yet Nancy: Homophobia aside Nancy: Quinn's the only one who liked me and I proved her wrong fast enough Rio: Plenty of people like you, Nance Rio: and more would if you were more open, that's the only reason you don't feel it Rio: but that don't mean it's bad, it's just statistics Nancy: Whatever, it is what it is Rio: Not whatever Rio: people like you Rio: you should like you Nancy: This family doesn't count Nancy: No offense Rio: why not Rio: they're who you spend most your time with Rio: only makes sense to care about their opinion, like Nancy: 'Cause other than Edie none of them are gonna come for me Nancy: Granddad isn't gonna turn me away from his birthday for being a state, like Rio: you don't reckon Rio: everyone in this fam has a loud mouth Rio: if you were doing something wrong, you'd know about it, yeah? Rio: just because we can't fix everything don't mean there's no accountability, like Nancy: Just 'cause they like me doesn't make me a decent person either Nancy: So like I said, whatever Rio: 'cos we're all cunts, yeah Nancy: No, you're all biased Nancy: I'm one of you Rio: everyone's biased, anyone that likes you that'll just be 'cos they're your friend or your girlfriend whatever Rio: you never gonna get the general approval of the town like, it's a myth babe Nancy: I'll get therapy and I'll get over it Nancy: Moving on Rio: 😒 Nancy: There's too much to unpack never mind for you to fix Rio: Yeah but are you actually going to go therapy Nancy: What else am I gonna do? Rio: Good Rio: the therapist'll tell you Rio: I ain't qualified, like Nancy: Here's hoping I get a man so I don't fall in love, like Rio: Oh God Rio: Don't even play Nancy: I'm not Nancy: You know I probably would Nancy: And I want that even less than I want to tell any man my problems Rio: You would not, you know now Rio: the illusion was shattered very publicly, like Nancy: It happens to loads of people Nancy: Literally a trope, babe Nancy: We can't give me that much credit Rio: Yeah but they know how to swerve that shit better than a clueless straight teacher Rio: shut you right down Nancy: I guess we'll see Nancy: Or not Rio: Keep me posted Rio: but hurry up with them snacks rn Nancy: I'm literally telling you nothing about my confidential sessions Nancy: But yeah Nancy: On my way Rio: 🙄 Spoilsport Rio: I mean how it goes, you div Rio: 👍 Nancy: Keeping secrets is kind of my thing, sorry, babe Rio: Not tonight bitch Rio: 'less you feeling that daring Nancy: Please, your dares aren't gonna be that scary Rio: 😏 Rio: Challenge accepted Nancy: Okay

[thirstyfortom]

Zen and Jumin having a little sister who is depressed and have anxiety but hides it behind her smiles, jokes and corny puns. I'm sorry if this disturbs you, I'm just really having a bad life. You don't have to do this if you're uncomfortable with it. Thank you.

Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry it took so long for me to answer you, I was just following the order of the requests, I hope you’re feeling better by now. If you feel like it, come by and talk to me a little, okay? I really want to know if you’re feeling better…

I also wish I had something better for your request, but that’s all I could think of.

(I’m not sure if it is necessary, but):

TW: Mentionings of depression and anxiety

Zen

It’s been a while since they haven’t seen each other, things been weird ever since he left to pursue his acting career

She missed him more than she though she would. Most of the time they were fighting, anyway.

But as soon as she saw him, she couldn’t hold back this huge smile and all those bad puns about his hair turning grey at such a young age

He smiled softly, yeah, he missed this, he missed the teasing, he missed all the good and bad things only her sister could pull it off

He seemed fine! Great, actually… he talked about the roles he was managing to get, and with so much enthusiasm!

“Yeah, I could use some of your joy now, bro.” you said, more to yourself than to him, but he listened.

“Okay, what did mom do right now?”he let out a deep sigh and asked.

“Nothing! I swear, it’s just… it’s hard, you know? Having this illness and people don’t really seeing as a disease… I’m kinda of done right now, I guess.”

“I see… well, you know I’m not a therapist, so I don’t really know what to tell you…” “Just you not saying that I should just smile and try not to feel sad is really useful, bro, believe me.”

“Well, I do. I… always believe in you, sis, even when you don’t believe in yourself, you know? And… I’m sorry if I’ve been a little distant, but you know I’ll always be there for you, right?” “Yeah, I know…” she rests her head on his shoulder briefly.

“And, you know, if things get too tough, you can always move in with me!”. She scoffed: “We as roomies? That would never work, Hyun!”

“Why not?” “Because you would freak out everytime I brought someone to stay over. What would be our code? A tie in the knob?”

“I… don’t think we should be discusing this. And you should never bring a man to your place!” “So I should go to his place?”

“NO! THAT’S EVEN WORSE! Just… focus on your studies for now, okay? You’re smart, just finish. When you do, I’ll help you get a decent job. We’ve got each other’s backs, don’t we?” “Yes, of couse we do!”

“Good, so stop talking about men and focus on your studies.” “That coming from school dropout himself…”

“Well, I’m not as smart as you. But don’t waste your talent! You probably disagree with me, but you’re smart, talented, amazing and will make through everything, I swear.”

“Okay, granie, I’ll… I’ll consider evrything you said… and YOU! Don’t get away of my sight like this again, okay?”

He didn’t answer her, at least not with words, he just hugged her tightly. Well, that was the right answer after all.

Jumin

They’re half brother and sister. She is the daughter of some of his father’s ex wife

Not that it matters, because somehow he always found himself… liking you and… caring for her, like he generally never cared or liked any of his stepmothers.

Maybe because she’s nothing like her mother? Or just because she was the only one who doesn’t bother him with annoying questions about girlfriends and such?

Even with her weird sense of humor and all, he always felt a little more comfortable around her than with the rest of the world. Even when his father and her mother weren’t together anymore.

It’s been a while since they don’t see each other, she was tudying abroad and got back recently. Okay, not really an excuse hen you have Skype or FaceTime, but still… they both have been busy, let’s put it that way.

“So, are you really in line for being CEO?” “I suppose is a little early to discus this, my father is very healthy and he probably will stay as CEO for a few more years… what about you? Preparing yourself to take over your family business?”

She let out a sigh: “Don’t even get me started on this, bro. I… forget it.” “Go ahead, tell me.”

“I… I wasn’t studying abroad. I… I was at this clinic…” he doesn’r really understand how this answers his previous question. “Clinic?”

“It was a mental insitution, I… have been struggling again…” oh, now he gets it, yes, he remembers their brief conversations about depression and anxiety, how she was scared of starting to take those meds…

“Are you feeling better now?” “That’s a very relative and subjective question. It’s not like you to make this kind of question…”

“Yes, I appologize…” “Don’t be so formal, bro. I was just messing with you. But… to answer you, I… it’s a journey, you know what I mean? Some days I feel like I’m at the top of the world, ready to conquer and divide, but there are those other days… and I just… want to disappear, forever, if possible.”

“Make sure to contact me when these days come, then. I’m… not good at comforting and I don’t think I can possibly relate to your problems, but you can come here and just… vent. Walk in my garden, pet Elizabeth the 3rd.” You scoff “I read somewhere animals are a great therapy, please consider my offer. She won’t judge you, and if you’re wondering, neither will I.”

If she wasn’t paying fully attention on this, she would never notice how kind his words were, because his tone was so stoic and monotone, but he has always been like this: kind in a unnusual way.

“Actually, maybe we can manage to help each other. I… I may be in need for some advice from a… female perspective.” ohohoho, was Jumin Han in love? She wanted to tease him, but nah, she would never do this, she knew how uncomfortable this was for him.

“Sure, anything you need. We’ve got each other’s back. ” she patted his hand quickly and smiled.

“Yes, we always had.” he tried to pat her shoulder, but this felt out of place for both of them.

Actually, she was always more comfotable knowing she could always count on his reliable words, this was more important than hugs and pats.