#i'm almost me again she's almost you jack thinks as he's happy in this relationship!

[loving-jack-kelly]

list of hozier songs that should be javid fics. it will come back werewolf au (fully formed in my mind). almost (sweet music) canon era jack dating sarah unable to get over davey feeling very guilty abt it.

[sequinsmile-x]

I’d be so so keen to read something about Em coming out as bisexual to Aaron (aware you’ve had an ask for this I just want to stress the interest 🫶🏼)

It’s something I struggle with myself and the validation of being bisexual is something that’s very real. It would be lovely to read something like this as something that seems realistic for Em. The way you write is so beautiful and intricate and I know you’d do a wonderful job.

For anyone else reading this - you are valid whoever you are and whoever you choose to love <3

Happy Fridayyyyy!!!

Hi bestie <3

I've been asked to do this a few times, and as a bi girl myself it is very close to my heart. I wanted to make sure I did it justice so waited until it felt right and now really does feel like the time. It is also coming to the end of Bi Visibility week, so here we are!

This feels oddly personal, almost like I'm putting out some pages of a diary out there for people to read, so I hope this is as cathartic to read for those who wanted it as it was to write.

As always, let me know what you think, I'm nervous about this one because it feels important!

-x-

The Past is Never Far

She’d told herself for years that she’d never mention it. It was, after all, not the biggest secret she had kept.

Emily and Aaron walk into an ex of hers when they are out on a date, and it prompts her to tell him something she's not told him before.

Warnings: Coming out (mentions of past bad experiences doing so)

Words: 3.2k

Read over on Ao3, or the below the cut

Emily hums contentedly as she squeezes Aaron’s hand, her eyes catching his as she looks up at him and smiles, “This is nice.” 

He smiles back, relaxed and content and handsome in the fading light as he lifts her hand to kiss her knuckles, “It is,” he replies, kissing her knuckles again before he tucks their joint hands into his coat pocket to protect them from the chill in the air, “We’re near that ice cream place you like, we could get some on the way back to the car?” 

Date night was something they’d established early on in their relationship. They had so little time just the two of them so it was important to them both to have this one night every month where they could have just that. Jack would spend the night at Jessica’s, often pouting that he wanted to come with them too, something Emily and Aaron would salve with love and assurances they’d all have breakfast together the next day, and the two of them would go to one of their favourite restaurants. The nice weather was fading, summer disappearing into Autumn. It was Emily’s favourite time of year. Not because her birthday was coming up, or because Jack and Aaron’s were too, but because of the cool air and the sun on her face. The ever-present reminder in the wind about the beauty of change as the colour of the leaves started to fade to orange and gold. 

Aaron knew she loved this time of year, so he’d been easily convinced to go on a walk with her around the block before they returned to his car and back to their apartment. She’d moved in with him and Jack recently, the apartment that was once just theirs hers now too, and they were looking for a house. A place they could buy and call home, something they both wanted so desperately and had been denied for so long. 

She smiles, leaning in so her shoulder bumps against his, “It’s too cold for ice cream.” 

Aaron chuckles and kisses her temple. He stops them on the street, the hand not linked through hers on her hip as he guides her backwards so they don’t block the sidewalk. He leans in to kiss her, “You’re the one who told me it’s never too cold for ice cream,” he replies, leaning in to kiss her, stamping his lips against hers once more before he removes his hand from her hip and digs through his other pocket, smiling in victory as he pulls out a pair of her gloves, “Plus, I came prepared. Your hands won’t get cold and you can still have Rocky Road - the best of both worlds.” 

She beams at him and cups his cheek, pulling him in for a kiss before she rests her forehead against his, “I love you.” 

“Love you too, sweetheart,” he says, kissing the corner of her mouth before he pulls back and they continue walking down the street, content and happy in each other's company. 

He buys them ice cream once they make it to the store, a double scoop of Rocky Road for her in a cone and one scoop of coffee in a tub for him. He chuckles at her as a drip of ice cream falls onto her gloves and she narrows her eyes at him, making a point of maintaining eye contact as she licks the remnants of it from the ridge of the cone, her smile wide as she watches him swallow thickly. She’s about to say something, to add to the teasing, when she hears a familiar voice behind her, one she hadn’t heard in years. 

“Emily Prentiss?” 

Her eyes go wide as she turns around, uncharacteristically caught out as she clears her throat, scrambling for something to say as she comes face to face with a piece of her past she hadn’t expected to see again, “Cat.” 

Cat chuckles as she steps forward, pulling a still shell-shocked Emily into a hug, “I thought it was you, Em,” she says, squeezing her before she steps back, “It’s been a long time. 15 years maybe?” 

“Closer to 20,” Emily laughs, the shake to it grabbing Aaron’s attention as he watches the interaction between the two women. Emily looks at him and curses herself internally for getting so flustered, “Aaron, this is Catherine Thomas, Cat, we…” she swallows thickly, her lips pressed together to keep the whole truth back, “We go way back,” she smiles as she turns to Cat, sees a spark in her eyes she hadn’t thought about in years, “Cat, this is Aaron. My boyfriend.” 

Cat smiles and holds her hand out for Aaron and he shakes it, “Lovely to meet you, Aaron.” 

“You too,” he replies, looking back and forth between the two women, curious at his girlfriend’s reaction, at the way her shoulders are slightly tight as she watches them interact. 

“Anyway,” Cat says, looking back at Emily, “My wife is just getting some ice cream. I can’t believe you still come here after all these years.” 

Emily nods, “Best ice cream in the city.” 

Cat looks up at Aaron, “Emily introduced me to this place when we first met,” she says, smiling fondly at a memory that was just theirs, “And I bring my wife and kids here now too.” 

Aaron smiles, “My son loves it here too.” 

“Cat?” 

They all turn at the sound of another woman’s voice to see her standing there with two pre-teens, both of them looking relatively irritated at being forced to spend the evening out with their parents, her expression curious as she looks at her wife. Cat nods and indicates she’ll be over in a minute before she turns back to Emily and Aaron.

“Well,” she says, “I’ve been summoned. It was good to see you, Emily. You seem well,” she hugs her again, something Emily returns, careful not to drip ice cream on her back.

“Nice to see you too, Cat,” she says, smiling as she pulls back, her gaze falling on her family behind them, “Your family is beautiful.” 

“Thank you,” Cat beams before she looks at Aaron, “Nice to meet you, Aaron.”

“Nice to meet you too,” he replies. They watch as Cat walks back to her family, gratefully taking her ice cream from her wife as she makes it to her side, saying something they can’t hear, “She seems nice.” 

“Yeah,” Emily says, feeling out of sorts from the flashback to a past life, something from so long ago it felt like it had happened to someone else. A part of her she kept secret, even from Aaron, “She is.” 

“Shall we go home?” He offers, his gaze on her as she smiles at him, a tenseness to it that she doesn’t hide well as her eyes meet his. She nods, shaking her head to rid herself of the feeling that had settled over her the last few minutes. The strange mix of nostalgia for her past when she was young and unburdened by responsibility and everything to come, and happiness for someone she’d once loved, all whilst she stood next to the person she knew was the love of her life, the man she’d spend the rest of her life with. 

“Yeah,” she says, smiling as she presses her lips together, her focus back on her ice cream as she eats some more, “Let’s go home.” 

___

She thinks about it for a couple of days.

She’d told herself for years that she’d never mention it, her relationship with Cat and the other women she’d dated over the years, because it wasn’t relevant. Since she’d come back to DC, still on uneven ground after being Lauren Reynolds and being with Ian, she’d only dated men. It wasn’t a purposeful act, not something she’d particularly tried to do, but it had happened. So it meant telling her friends, her new family, seem unimportant. 

It was, after all, not the biggest secret she was keeping from them.

She’d never even told her mother. Sure that, at best, her reaction would be to tell her it was ‘just a phase.’ At worst, she was sure her mother’s rather selective catholicism would make itself known, and she didn’t want to put herself through it. Instead, she kept the few relationships she’d had with women from her, and the one time she’d met Cat she’d introduced her as a friend, something that she hadn’t known at the time would start to unravel their relationship. The first pull at the thread that held them together, Cat’s confidence in her sexuality so much stronger than Emily’s had been at the time. Cat had been out and proud the entire time she’d known her, and, in the long run, their difference in how they approached it would never have worked. 

There were times when Emily had considered telling the team. When she’d make eyes at a woman across a bar when they were all out together, but she’d always chicken out, even with her tongue loosened and her cheeks warmed by tequila. People, mostly ex-boyfriends, had reacted poorly before. Either telling her that bi-sexual wasn’t a real thing, dismissing something she’d always known to be true about herself, or over-sexualising it, a familiar look in their eyes as they saw how her sexuality could benefit them. 

After Paris, she decided she’d simply keep it to herself. Her friend's view of her had been changed anyway, the person they thought she was dead and gone, buried in the grave that had always been empty. She couldn’t bear to do it again, to once again change what they thought they knew about her, even for something like this, so she didn’t. Even when she started dating Aaron, sweet, kind loving, Aaron who had never been anything but supportive and unflinching whenever she told him anything she hesitated.

Ever since they’d walked into Cat, she felt the need to tell him. To uncover this last final part of herself that she’d kept hidden away. He knew everything about Ian. He knew about Rome. It was time he knew about this too. 

Even though she wants to tell him, she feels nervous. A familiar kind of anxiety settles in her chest as she snuggles up on the couch with him one night, determined to not put it off any longer. Jack was in bed, safe and asleep in his room down the hall, and the TV was on, a movie they’d watched countless times before fading into the background as she sinks into her boyfriend’s side. She presses her face against his shoulder, breathing him in, breathing in the last few moments of how things were before she changed them forever. 

“I need to tell you something,” she says, her words partially muffled by his shirt before she pulls back, her brows furrowed as she corrects herself, “Actually, I don’t need to tell you. But I want to.” 

He watches her carefully for a moment before he nods, reaching for the remote to turn off the TV, ensuring she has all of his attention. He turns so he’s facing her, his knee skimming her thigh as she turns too, her focus on the top of the couch. She tugs nervously at a loose thread, a nervous habit he’s grateful distracts her from her cuticles. He thinks of the ring he has tucked away in his sock drawer, of how he pictures her twisting it around her finger when she is nervous or worried. He reaches out for her, frowning when she jumps ever so slightly when his hand lands on her knee. He squeezes gently, smiling even though she doesn’t look up at him.

“You can tell me anything, you know that,” he assures her, and she nods, her lips pressed together as she continues to pull at the thread on the couch. 

“You…” she swallows thickly, her eyes closed as she trips over the words she’d practised in her head for days, “You remember that woman we bumped into the other day, Cat?” She asks, her eyes darting up to his face as he nods, “She…she wasn’t just a friend. She was my girlfriend. We dated for almost a year when we were both in college,” she blows out a breath, her chest shuddering with it, feeling somehow lighter and heavier at the same time with the admission, “I’m Bisexual.” 

Her words hang in the air around them and she holds her breath, waiting for his reaction, unable to bring herself to look at him, worried about what she’d find. 

“Thank you for telling me,” he says, his words even and calm, his softness so jarring she looks up at him fast enough it cricks her neck, a pain she barely feels as he carries on, “And thank you for trusting me - I know that can’t have been easy.” 

She chokes on a humourless laugh, “Thats…that’s it?” 

He smiles at her, his dimples carved out in his cheeks in a way she loves, and he squeezes her knee, “Did you…want a different reaction?” 

“No,” she replies, shaking her head, choking on something she can’t name - a sound between a sob and a laugh caught in her chest, “No, not at all. I’ve just never had someone react so…well before.” 

He furrows his brow, “What do you mean, sweetheart?” 

She laughs bitterly and shakes her head, wiping away a tear she hadn’t expected until she felt it on her cheek, “I once had an ex-boyfriend ask me if it meant we could have a threesome,” she says, scrunching her nose up at the memory. She looks at Aaron and smiles at the pure horror on his face, his brow furrowing in indignation for a past version of her, “I broke up with him when it became very clear he already had a list of women who’d be ‘up for it’ at the ready.” 

He clenches his jaw, “I’m sorry he reacted like that,” he replies, “You deserved better than that. You deserve better.” 

She presses her lips together and shakes her head lovingly as more tears slip past her lash line, “Well, I have better now,” she says, playing her hand over his on her knee, linking their fingers together, “Do you have any questions?” 

“Have you dated any other women?” He asks softly, curious more than anything, and she nods, running her thumb back and forth over his hand. 

“Yeah, a couple of others but none as serious as my relationship with Cat. And I’ve had a few dates and drunken hook-ups,” she replies, her cheeks burning with embarrassment she knows she shouldn't feel. 

“Have you always known?”

She nods, “Since I was pretty young,” she smiles her lips pressed together at the memory, “Let’s just say, The Dukes of Hazzard was a bit of an awakening. Luke Duke was hot…and so was Daisy Duke.” 

He smiles and squeezes her hand, lifting it to kiss her knuckles, “What made you tell me now?” 

She blows out a slow breath, “After we walked into Cat, I realised I didn’t want to hide it from you anymore. All the reasons I had for doing so suddenly didn’t make any sense.” 

He pulls her into a hug, his arm tight around her as he kisses her cheek, “I’m glad you told me,” he says, smiling as she turns her head to kiss him.

“I’m glad I did too,” she replies, nudging her nose against his, “I…I was so worried it would change how you looked at me.” 

He frowns and pulls back to look at her, shaking his head as he tucks some of her hair behind her ear, “Never,” he assures her, “Nothing ever could. Especially this.” 

She furrows her brow and tilts her head at him, “What do you mean?” 

He sighs as he chooses his words carefully, “You’ve always been bi, sweetheart, right? It’s been part of who you are as long as I’ve known you, and it’s been part of you as long as I’ve loved you,” he smiles as he reaches out to wipe away a tear from her cheek, “So it doesn’t change anything because it’s always been who you are, even if you hadn’t told me.” 

She leans forward, her forehead against his neck as she breathes him in again, the world the same as it had been before she’d told him, but somehow different too. His understanding of her deeper but everything else unchanged. She takes a moment to hold him close, and she plays everything he’d said back in her head. A conversation she’d remember again and again as a reminder of how much he loved her, how well he loved her. Something she thinks that, after everything, she might just deserve. She furrows her brow as she thinks about it, the way he’d said part of all those wonderful things catching in her chest. Aaron was purposeful in everything. Not calculated, but purposeful. He never said anything he didn’t mean, and she narrows her eyes at him as she pulls back. 

“Wait…you said ‘even if I hadn’t told you…” she tilts her head as he clears his throat, avoiding her eye contact, “Oh my god - you knew?” 

He sighs, scratching the back of his head with the hand not tangled up in hers, “Sweetheart-”

She scoffs and lightly hits his chest, her cheeks burning at the thought that she’d got herself so worked up over something he apparently already knew, “Why didn’t you say anything?” 

He smiles at her indignation, catching her hand before she slaps his chest again for laughing at her. He kisses her knuckles and smiles fondly at her, disarming her ability to be annoyed at him so easily she’s annoyed at herself. 

“It wasn’t my place to, Em,” he says, “It’s your story to tell.” 

She knows he’s right and she huffs out a breath, her cheek against his shoulder as she pouts in a way she’d deny if he brought it up, “How the hell did you know?” 

“As someone who has been in love with you for much longer than I care to admit, I paid close attention to your interactions with anyone I thought might be flirting with you,” he smiles as she tilts her head to look at him, “It didn’t take long to realise you have chemistry with literally every person you ever meet.” 

She suppresses a laugh, her lips pressed together as one more wave of anxiety rolls through her, “And you don’t mind?” 

He shakes his head, leaning in to kiss her, his hand on her cheek to hold her in place, “If anything, it just makes me feel even more lucky that out of everyone you could be with you chose to be with me.” 

She sighs but it catches in her chest, love for him filling her lungs so fast she can’t catch her breath, “Oh, no honey,” she says, placing her hand over his on her cheek, shaking her head as he catches a tear the moment it slips free from her lashes, “I’m the lucky one.” 

[insxghtt]

(i am obsessed with this man.)

boyfriend!jack thurlow x reader

After everything that happened to him, he would be very insecure about meeting other people. so, when you first moved to the house next door, he wasn't the most friendly neighbor.

You heard some people from the neighborhood talking about him, saying that he was not the most stable person. That was a lie, Jack was doing so much better after being in a hospital for months. He was still depressed, but he was a normal person and he wished people could stop staring at him with pity all the time.

And, well, you did that. So when you went outside to smoke a cigarette and noticed him doing the same thing not so distant from you, you didn't turn away or acted weird. You just shook your head as a "hi", and gave him a soft smile.

Jack was mesmerized and he didn't even know why. Maybe he just forgot how it felt to be treated as a normal guy.

So he nodded back at you.

Even though he didn't retribute the smile, it was clear through his expressions that he was not bothered by your presence.

So a few weeks went by and that was all the interaction you had with him. It was weird, but nice. You would stand outside next to each other in silence as you smoked your cigarettes.

Finally, one day, he decided to say something.

"Sorry, i don't think i ever asked your name", he said.

You looked at him and he felt scared for a second, wondering if he had frightened you.

"No, you didn't", you said. and finally, you told him your name.

He repeated it to himself and nodded, making sure that he wouldn't forget.

"That's a nice name", he smiled and there was silence for a few seconds. "I'm Jack."

"I know who you are, Jack."

Your words made him insecure. What if the neighbors told you about how weird and scary he was?

"Your friend is always yelling your name at the door because she always forgets the keys", you explained and Jack sighed in relief.

"Shanda…", he whispered.

His childhood best friend had the keys to his house because she wanted to check on him at least once a day since he got out of the hospital.

But Shanda didn't have the best memory, maybe because of all the weed she smoked.

Having a conversation with you was easy after that. Every day you would get to know him a little bit more.

When he told you about his story, he was surprised you didn't treat him differently.

"We all have our demons, don't we?". Jack smiled at your comment.

When he first asked you on a date, he was so nervous and felt like he was ruining your friendship. He had invited you to have dinner with him at his house, but he burned the food and had to order pizza instead.

You laughed about it and he felt an immediate relief.

You two talked for hours and hours and at the end of the night you asked him what you've been wanting to ask for a good while.

"So… are you going to kiss me or what?"

Jack stared at you for a second and then smiled at your confidence.

And he kissed you. After that, he kissed you again and again.

Until you two were basically living together but none of you called it a relationship.

 One day you were watching TV on your couch and he walked out of the bathroom after taking a shower with the towel wrapped around his waist.

You looked at him finally realizing that that became a routine.

"Hey Jack, are we like… boyfriend and girlfriend?", you asked.

Jack was suddenly frozen, the reality had finally hit him.

But surprisingly, he didn't feel scared. He liked it. It sounded natural and even beautiful to call you his girlfriend.

"I guess…", he looked at you afraid that you would leave him. "I mean, if that's okay with you. Is it okay?", he almost stuttered.

"Yes. I like that", you nodded.

And obviously, Jack kept you awake all night making sure to show you how happy he was to call you his girlfriend.

Jack was not very good at expressing his feelings. Sometimes, very rarely, you two had arguments. They were mostly about how hard it was for him to share his thoughts over anything.

Not that he was rude, but sometimes instead of telling you the things that bothered him he would just be quiet and it made you confused and anxious.

It happened every time you tried to drag him to a friend's birthday party, for example. He hated places filled with people, but he wouldn't say that to you. He was just weird all night.

"You have to talk to me, Jack! I can't read your fucking mind, what am i supposed to do?"

"Why do you want me to explain every fucking thing that i feel to you?", he snapped. 

But as soon as he saw the look on your face, he immediately regretted his words.

It was hard for him to say "I'm sorry", so he just sighed and held your hand, saying "i love you" instead.

You knew he was doing his best, but you needed words. You needed him to open up like you always did.

So, he hugged you and hid his face on the curve of your neck, finally whispering against your skin: "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, you're right."

He was genuine. Jack was not the type of guy to just say things without actually meaning it. He never once apologized just to calm you down or to just move on from the subject. He was actually genuine about everything. Sometimes, he was so honest that it would hurt, but at least you knew that he would never lie to you.

He really did his best to be with you. He wanted to make you feel good because he was aware of how precious you were. so, every week he would go to therapy to make sure that he was being the best version of himself, not only for you but also for him.

Jack wouldn't be the type of guy to propose to you on a fancy dinner. No, he would do that in the middle of the night, after you two were absolutely exhausted from work. He would just look at you, with no ring and no flowers, and decide that you were the one that he wanted to be with for the rest of his life.

"I wanna marry you", Jack said and you stared at him in shock.

"What?"

"I want to marry you", he repeated and you smiled.

"Alright", you whispered. "Well, that's really ironic because I actually wanna marry you too."

Jack kept staring at your eyes and then brought his attention back to your lips.

"Good", he nodded.

 "Alright, we can get married then", you opened a big, beautiful smile and he didn't say it, but he felt like he was in heaven.

Jack would never understand why you chose him. He was broken, imperfect and confusing. But he was glad that you did and he hoped that even with all his flaws, you'd continue to choose him.

[sidekick-hero]

(steddie | mature | wc: 1.1k | tags: spy au, spy boyfriends, established relationship | @steddielovemonth prompt: Love is sitting in comfortable silence together doing their own thing by @steddieasitgoes)

The sun beats down on a sprawling city below. Eddie Munson, an unassuming young man with unruly black curls pulled back in a loose bun, crouches on a nondescript rooftop overlooking the maze of buildings. It's hot as Satan's breath and he's sweating like a pig in his heavy leather jacket. Knowing that Chrissy was right when she told him to leave the jacket behind doesn't help his rapidly souring mood. He adjusts the high-powered binoculars pressed to his eyes and scans the streets again for his mark, just as he's been doing for most of the afternoon.

Through the scope, Eddie finally spots Jason Carver strolling casually along the crowded sidewalk, talking on his phone. Carver's movements are mundane, and he seems engrossed in a conversation that Eddie is sure is as boring as everything else he's seen Carver do since being assigned to the case.

With a deep sigh, Eddie thinks he's seen more action watching paint dry. He leans back against the edge of the roof, his posture betraying his growing impatience. He idly wonders what Steve is doing right now and wishes he could be spending time with his boyfriend instead of being boiled alive in the scorching sun and bored out of his mind. Hell, even watching Carver do jack shit would be better with Steve at his side. At least Eddie would have something pretty to look at.

"Why can't these guys have a more exciting life?" Eddie grumbles in frustration. Just then, he almost loses sight of Carver and thinks it's time to leave his vantage point and get some action.

But no. Carver simply disappears into a shop, from which he reappears seconds later to continue his leisurely stroll until he stops near a street vendor to inspect a selection of fruit. Eddie lowers the binoculars as the building excitement dies down and shakes his head in disbelief.

"Wow, exciting selection of apples you got there, asshole," Eddie mumbles in annoyance.

As boredom sets in, Eddie pulls out a small notepad and starts scribbling, creating a caricature of Carver munching on an apple. Chuckling to himself, he is only made aware of the presence of another person with him on the roof when their shadow falls on him.

Before he can fully process what's happening, his gun is aimed at the head of whoever snuck up on him.

"Oh baby, is that a gun or are you just happy to see me?"

Scowling, Eddie slowly lowers the gun until it's no longer pointed at the pretty face of his grinning boyfriend.

"What the hell are you doing here, Stevie? Please don't tell me Carver's your mark, too? You know what happened last time we had the same job. This time it's you who gets to sleep on the couch if I have to give up sex for the foreseeable future."

Steve laughs at his words, like it's funny how Eddie had to go weeks with Eden's forbidden apple winking at him in Steve's tight boxers, but not allowed to touch it, until he gave up and let Steve bag the job Eddie was also signed up for.

Being spies for competing agencies was bad enough, but when they ended up on the same job, things got ugly pretty fast. Eddie is still surprised that their love survived. Some days he even thinks it made them stronger as a couple.

He still doesn't feel like a repeat performance.

"Nah, don't worry. I told Robbie to make sure it doesn't happen again. Despite what you might think, I would rather not have us fighting as well. Although you have to admit, the make-up sex was amazing. One of our top five fucks. But I don't get enough time with you as it is, I want to enjoy what little I get. That's why I'm here. I thought I could keep you company, y'know. If you want me to, that is."

Steve shrugs as if he doesn't care either way, but Eddie knows his boy. He knows him well enough to see right through him, and he gives Steve a soft smile as he pulls him in with an arm around his waist.

He misses Steve, too. Since he started the Carver job, Eddie's hardly ever home, and when he is, 9 times out of 10 Steve isn't. It's frustrating. It makes Eddie reconsider civilian life, no matter how mundane it might be.

"It's not really exciting. Carver's looking at apples."

"I don't mind, Robbie and I are playing words with friends. I just prefer to sit here with you while we do it."

Eddie finally holsters his gun again before leaning forward and capturing Steve's mouth in a deep kiss.

When he resumes his position on the edge of the roof to continue his surveillance, Steve sits down next to him, his shoulder leaning against Eddie's thigh and his head resting on Eddie's hip.

The distant hum of city life surrounds them as they both go about their business in comfortable silence. Eventually Eddie checks his watch and realizes that hours have passed without anything substantial happening.

"I signed up for espionage, not rooftop babysitting," he grumbles to Steve, and his boyfriend hums in agreement. They both know that being a spy is not like the movies. It's weeks, sometimes months of nothing but watching and waiting.

His attention fades and he stares at the skyline, daydreaming about the record store on Elizabeth Street he passed a few weeks ago. The one he offered to buy without telling Steve. The wind ruffles his hair as he contemplates the surprisingly mind-numbing monotony of his current job and wonders what Steve would say if he offered him a different life. If Steve would keep doing a job that could get him killed one day, maybe sooner than later. If Steve also wondered if it was worth the risk now that he had something - someone - to lose.

Suddenly, Carver looks up at the sky, bringing Eddie back to reality. He watches as Carver adjusts his suit and walks toward a sleek black car parked at the curb.

"And it's on," Eddie says, adrenaline surging through his body. He presses a firm kiss to Steve's lips and whispers, "I love you, don't wait up," against them.

"I love you too. Be careful and don't let me wait too long, Robbie's already complaining about me whining all the time."

Eddie readies himself, folding up the notepad he had been scribbling on and tucking it away. As Carver's car pulls away, Eddie quickly follows, eager for the mission to be over so he can go home to his beautiful boyfriend and let his clever hands take him apart. When he looks back, the rooftop is deserted, with only the echo of the city's pulse in the air.

[jaded-jezz]

Secret Smiles

Hi, this is my first one-shot so I obviously had to have Jack Champion kick off this account! Let me know your opinions or requests too!

Please do not repost this, reblogs are appreciated.

Jack Champion x F!Reader

☁︎ Fluff

summary: your relationship with Jack is still private so you communicate across events in different ways.

The Emmy Awards. I've heard that so much recently that its starting to sound like a made-up word. I still get goosebumps every time I remember I get to attend these prestigious awards with my cast, friends and-

"Y/N, as beautiful as you look right now, it is time to get up"

And- my boyfriend.

Jack and I have been together for almost 7 months and due to me living in England most of the time, we have been able to keep it a secret. Our relationship is like that Taylor Swift song “London Boy” but flipped. Because god he loves the English.

I give in to the whispering voice and slowly start to stretch to wake my body up. As I open my eyes I realize the curtains have been opened and warm yellow light is pouring down onto the mop of curls bouncing around me.

"Compliments already Champion?" I ask grinning as Jack whips around to see I'm awake now, "Maybe I should stay asleep forever if you think I look that good."

"Yeah but then all my bad jokes would never be laughed at again" he says as he walks towards me offering his arm and bowing slightly, "M'Lady, breakfast is waiting and it'll be cold if we don't hurry" he exclaims in his best British accent before grabbing my hand and pulling me through the hotel room in a fit of mischievous giggles.

He had ordered my favorite from room service and had it set in front of the window with a view of the beach in the distance. Although I woke up later than planned we were still ahead of schedule so we took our time eating and just talking to try and ignore the nerves for tonight.

A knock at the hotel door made us jump and we remembered Jack was supposed to stay in his own room. I tried to whisper that he should wait somewhere until it was safe to leave but my manager and the rest of my team walked in. I'd forgotten they had a key.

"Oh... I let myself in as I thought you over slept but I can see-" She glances at Jack trying not to break her serious face, " you are awake and have company"

Everyone glances at each other for a few moments before erupting into laughter as it's almost an unspoken tradition that me and Jack don't listen to staying separate before something so nerve wracking as The Emmys.

Sadly, Jack was kicked out swiftly so that my team could help me with my hair and makeup and eventually get into my dress. This is one of my favorite parts of the day because everyone is talking and having fun while music plays as background music for us to dance, sing or just listen to. One thing we love to do is make TikToks about the process of my makeover.

I thrive off musical.ly transitions and the fans love it every time, and it makes me so happy. My fans have always been some of my favorite people. When I first started out I followed the first fan accounts and we continue DM regularly after all this time. But even though they are lovely, Jack and I are still wary of hate and also some of the threats that his fans may throw at me. We will tell people eventually but right now its fun to mess with them and give subtle hints for the detectives among the followers.

I am finally ready. I've finished the last parts of TikToks, taken photos and grabbed my bag of essentials like plasters, gum and tissues. I shoot Jack a text and he's at my door in less than 30 seconds. Even though he has seen pictures of my outfit, his eyes almost pop out of their sockets when I open the hotel door.

"Hey-" My face starts to go red after realizing why he has stopped talking "Jesus Y/N, you look gorgeous, like actually breathtaking, I need an inhaler, Do you have to pay for inhalers? Where do you even buy them from?" He rambles as he becomes flustered in front of the beautiful woman he gets to call his girlfriend.

I grab his face, to stop the word vomit, and kiss him trying not to smile too much. "Thank you Jack, you look as amazing as always" I retort "Is it hot in here, somebody catch me I am going to faint, Cause of death: Jack Champion" We both laugh before our managers tell us its sadly time to separate for the ride to The Emmys.

We text non-stop throughout the journey talking about everything that has ever happened because neither of us can stay on one topic without branching off into a rant or an important piece of backstory to the first conversation. But Jack has to arrive at the theater first so that he can walk the carpet at a similar time to his cast mates, and so that I can do the same. So we text our goodbyes.

Stepping out of the car onto the carpet with fans shouting and cameras flashing is a feeling I will never get used to. The rush hits me as I remember to smile and walk properly to not look like Bambi on ice. My manager is that my side lightly guiding me towards the queue of celebrities next to the paparazzi for our official photos. I use the waiting time to scope out the brown head of hair that will calm me down.

I hear him laughing before I see him. He is doing an interview with one of his favorite cast mates and I feel my face already start to ache from smiling at him. However he doesn't spot me until I'm on the carpet.

(Jack's Interview- Jack's POV)

"So yes, we are extremely proud of this movie" I end my answer for the interviewer. They start to ask another but I am distracted by the roar of noise from behind me. Y/N.

She looks stunning. I can tell why she has such dedicated fans, I mean look at her. I finally catch her eye and we do our little signal.

It's like we have made up our own language for these events. Little head wiggles, eyebrows and nose scrunches and sometimes we risk it by lip syncing the words and we just pray that no one can see we are communicating with each other.

I laugh to myself before I'm pulled away from the trance she has put me in. My cast mate is elbowing me and I realize a few people are staring at me, expecting an answer.

" Oh I'm so sorry, I got distracted" Y/N is never going to stop talking about this, "What was the question?"

(Back to Y/N's POV)

As I walk off the end of the carpet my manager appears, telling me all about Jack's distraction and I already knew he was going to be so embarrassed about this even before I pulled out my phone to be met with the long stream of manic texts from Jack.

(Later that night, in the comment section of Jack's Interview)

jackonion: Is anyone else trying to work out what got Jack so distracted? ↳user142: no omg i was trying to do that too! ↳Y/N's.heart: It was definitely Y/N, you can see her dress at the end of the video. I might be going delusional but it's because I ship them.

"Uh Oh" Jack and I say at the same time.

Wow! So that is the end of my first piece?! Please let me know if its too long or doesn't make sense as I am now paranoid that I just wrote a random bunch of words with my eyes closed. I don't really know if this can have part two but if you think of anything let me know.

Requests are open, so send them through! Use as much detail as you want or have.

Please do not repost this, reblogs are appreciated.

[selene-moonie]

Reiner Braun is one of the best written characters I've watched in years, and this is the tale of how I fell in love with him.

It started with his crush on Historia. Sis brought their horses back during the Female Titan arc and he was like, "I'm gonna marry her." We love a man who knows what he wants. He found out she and Ymir were in love and he was still talking about how he wanted to marry her. And he kept that going till the end, talking about, "Her letter smells so nice," like SIR YOU HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN 4 YEARS and she's married. That was so stinking cute.

To be fair, most of the time he was kinda annoying. All that happy yet serious energy and, "Wow this is the third time I've almost been eaten by a titan," dude stfu. I do not want to hear you after the adult soldier's dying wish was to drink the alcohol Historia just wasted on your auto healing arm. You don't need to be that happy or grateful. It's ok to be grim given the circumstances.

His cognitive dissonance is what I found really interesting. I do love seeing a character lose their mind and have to restructure their belief system. There was no way he was just a titan. He trained, ate, slept, and fought with these people, but he's also the reason why some of their families are dead? There had to be more to him than what I was seeing.

I knew he was insane when he told Eren about his titan. I carried back the episode more than once to make sure I heard correctly when he said, "I'm Armoured, and Banana is Colossal." I think I got up, ran away, screamed, told my brother and sister, watched it again, then continued the episode. I was like, there's no way you just told your greatest threat about your titan. But he had.

Seeing him flip between his two identities, like when he was making racist comments about his Paradis cohorts like he didn't just train with them for the last three years made me realise that he was fighting his own demons. How he damn near lost his mind by asking Eren to come along with him, then realising he had to take him by force - yeah I saw that cognitive dissonance dissonate.

I connected to him a lot because while I wasn't fighting to improve my family status or risk further discrimination for failure, I grew up believing that people who didn't believe in my religion deserved to die, and I definitely projected that toxicity onto others when I was a teenager. I obviously, did not give that to myself, it came from the authority figures in my life, similarly to how Reiner's decisions were actively shaped by the adults around him, turning him into a child soldier.

(I call it soldier, because I feel like warriors have more free will than soldiers ever will, and ironically, he was the warrior with the least amount of free will despite having all the context while his friends had more freedom than he, they just didn't know the truth.)

So even before s4, he was one of my favorite characters because I knew his actions and thoughts were eating him alive. I loved him because I knew how hard all that was.

But when adult Reiner debuted, I was in love with him. The first reason was that he had finally seen how problematic everything was. He knew he'd just been a child when he'd committed his life to being a Marleyan warrior and improving his family's status. He knew his decisions were wrong, and there was so much blood on his hands. He knew he'd been stuck between a rock and a hard place, but he still hated himself for it.

And, my friends, is what we call a self-aware man. That is a hard smash. All that rah-rah about how weird Sasha was for eating a potato on their first day at cadet training - he just thought she was weird, which is true. That's not hatred, that's an observation.

The second reason I fell in love with adult Reiner was his looks. I'm an adult, so watching a bunch of teenagers run around being angsty is entertaining because I was one as well, but I'd never considered that attractive or relationship material. They don't know jack shit or understand how consent works, which is why Reiner being a 'warrior' is such bullshit because he wasn't old enough to understand what that life commitment really meant.

But yeah. Isayama put crack into that man's visuals and I have not recovered since. While I do have a thing for fictional blonds (a la Erwin Smith, Sanji and Chat Noir), Reiner looking like a tired dad in s4 is all I've ever needed and wanted in life. Heck, I'd have his kids and I don't even want kids. Also, I just know he wants kids. And he'd make a great dad. I can't explain why I know this, but that's just the vibe he gives off.

Reiner Braun was the second man I fell in love with in this series, and he's probably the one I love the most because of the depth of his character and the fact that he moved forward even after everything he had done.

I could do an actual critical analysis of this man, not just the things I thought were hella cute/attractive about him. Or someone else could. I'd love a deep dive on his character because he was so beautifully written.

[verdemoun]

What Mitski song do you think each of the gang members would resonate with if they listened to it (if you don’t listen to Mitski than replace her with any emotional/vent songs to associate with them) Also do you think Kieran and Molly would bond over being somewhat hated in the canon timeline? (Fun fact! Kieran helps Molly out of the wagon when the gang arrives at Shady Bell :])

I will respond to all asks I promise but this sent me into a tailspin because @themodernpr0metheus and I talk about this regularly. Also I don't think you're legally allowed to be gay And depressed without listening to Mitski.

People who actively listen to Mitski: Arthur, Javier, Sean, Lenny, Jenny, Karen, MOLLY, Trelawney, Annabelle, Jack, Isaac, Abigail Jr.

Molly and Kieran are besties I love that scene I want to believe they were almost-friends in canon era just with Molly usually sulking at the edge of camp when she was mad with Dutch meanwhile Kieran sulked at the edge of camp to avoid being physically or verbally assaulted. They text constantly and Molly will always send Kieran a photo of a horse whenever she sees one.

Dutch: I Bet On Losing Dogs (very specifically reminded of his last canon interaction with Arthur) and I'm Your Man (his relationship with John, his favorite son). Mental breakdown levels of distress first time he heard those songs. Walking up to his nurses asking to be sedated levels of distress.

Hosea: Me and My Husband. He loves his wife infinitely. That doesn't mean he won't always love Dutch too. It really was always just him and them together. He really did bet it all he had on that.

Arthur: Two Slow Dancers. As much as he loves that he gets to grow old with Charles he is terrified of getting old and aging bit Mitski makes that fear okay.

John: A Pearl. He knows Abigail has always tried to understand how he struggled to move on from VDL era but sometimes she doesn't get it and he feels the need to apologize for the way he is.

Javier: Love Me More. Absolutely blames John for him having issues with needing constant validation and affection in relationships. Kieran is happy to supply though they are very happy and secure.

Bill: Shame. Someone tell him internalized homophobia went out of fashion.

Micah: Everyone. Not that he would ever admit to listening to Mitski. Micah thinks he is a victim and had no choice but to become the villain everyone thought he was. I think Micah is a jackass.

Charles: My Love Mine All Mine. He is soft and in love with Arthur and it is beautiful.

Sean: Remember My Name. Sean, to everyone's surprise, is actually the one who deals with the most existential dread over the fact the legend of the VDL gang was already mostly forgotten by modern era. Feels like his life has been too hard to just be forgotten, y'know? But definitely knows his completely average modern life is nothing memorable to anyone other than his found family and feels like he's already lost his five minutes of fame being an outlaw in 1899.

Lenny: Stay Soft. Between being on the run for murder as a teenager, being a young black man in 1899, and losing every meaningful relationship in his life (Father, Jenny, Sean), he actively has to learn to be soft again and be emotionally available in timewarp era.

Sadie: Because Dreaming Costs Money, My Dear. Because she always has and always will find a way to make things work so her darling soft husband never has to worry about a thing in the world.

Karen: Nobody. Look me in the eye. Watch the music video. Imagine Karen Jones. Also, asking Sean to see her when they borrow John's tent at his party?? She gets it.

Uncle: A Horse Named Cold Air. Will pick at banjo strings to play creepy tune at campfire, with strange southern warble in his voice howling the 'ooh's.

Abigail: I Don't Smoke. Look she knows it is unhealthy but sometimes she's just gotta romanticize those shit years with John pre-1907.

Grimshaw: Square. Dutch doesn't mean to do it but he absolutely infects anyone he's in a relationship in ever with a brain worm where they still feel themselves faulter under his gaze or attention. She didn't stay all those years just for the sake of the gang. She stayed for Dutch.

Strauss: Fireworks. He still has a lot of angst about losing his sister and family immigrating to America.

Trelawney: Pink in the Night. Bouncing through time just to kiss his wife humming strange tunes she's never heard because he's such a romantic.

Kieran: Drunk Walk Home. He likes the screaming. Had very dangerous edge in his voice when he sings you know I wore this dress for you and the gang are too afraid to ask.

Molly: Why Didn't You Stop Me? Very much about no one physically trying to stop her in Beaver Hollow when she was clearly drunk and saying shit just to get Dutch's attention.

Jenny: Townie. She holds onto a lot of anger over being abandoned by her parents as a teen, dances like a wild spirit when Townie plays and is utterly entrancing.

Annabelle: I Guess. It was her early timewarp anthem when she was coping with finding out Dutch turned so evil and became everything they both hated while she held onto the ideals he inspired in her. It is simply her song.

Bessie: I Will. Heavily based on her efforts to keep Hosea with her when he has his moments of hating getting old, self-loathing, or the itch to do outlaw activities. And when she thinks about him leaving in canon era to continue being an outlaw while they were married.

Jack: I Don't Like My Mind. Word for word was written for him. Might be awkward being around the gang being so much older he doesn't remember a lot of them clearly but would rather have that awkwardness than be alone with his thoughts.

Isaac: Last Words of a Shooting Star. He's got a lot of feelings about death and relates to wanting that relief of knowing when he's doing to die.

Eliza: Old Friend. Both her modern era friends and some members of the gang do not understand how her and Arthur can be just friends when they have a child together so when they want to hang out as friends it is very secretive which makes it feel even more obnoxiously like an affair. Charles always knows because he naturally one of the few people who understands they are just friends, who both love their son, and Eliza adores Charles.

Jake Adler: Star. Makes Sadie dance with him whenever it plays which she hates (no she doesn't she loves it. If they get married again it's going to be their song).

Abigail Jr: Strawberry Blond. She can't wait to be old enough to be in love and subsequently ruined by it. (this is John's rule she's not allowed to be in love until she's at least 18)

[insomniac4000]

A pot of Gold Part 1- ChrisMD

I'm posting the first couple of chapters here but please see my Wattpad for all the chapters when they're posted

Mae Murray was a Youtuber who grew up with another Youtuber Ethan Payne. They were close as kids going to the same Primary school, grew apart a little as teenagers but when they discovered they were both trying to do Youtube they struck up a friendship again. Life had been tumultuous for both,  there was Ethan with his weight and his mental health. It was Mae who went out in the early hours searching for him with Tobi, she sat with him for hours calming him down and got him help. In more recent times it was Mae who needed help, she had been with her boyfriend Jack since they were seventeen as they had met in sixth form college. They got engaged at the beginning of 2022 and soon after found out they were going to have a baby. Ethan was also incredibly happy that his kid would also have a play mate but sadly it wasn’t to be. Tragedy struck when in August of that year Mae went into labour four months early, despite best efforts the baby who they named Aria was not strong enough to survive. To add insult to injury further complications from the birth have made conceiving another child difficult. Mae went into herself and was utterly depressed, when she found messages from other women on Jack’s phone she fell off the deep end and ended up needing psychiatric intervention. She spent the rest of 2022 and a couple of months of early 2023 working on herself and getting herself and her life back together, returning to Youtube in March 2023 and releasing well received content since but she still had struggles but managed them for the most part, she was working hard and started to date again while she was contented she wouldn’t say she was completely happy.

Mae had struck up good relationships with all of the Sidemen as well as other Youtubers, when she first returned to the platform everyone rallied around her and welcomed her into their videos as a sign of support. Jack was also a Youtuber but it was obvious where the majority of people’s loyalties were. She was now awaiting her latest appearance which was on The Fellas Podcast to promote her newest venture, a BB3 documentary on child loss and mental health.

She discussed the show and to a point her own story with grace and decorum but when the topic of conversation moved to her Youtube channel she managed to crack jokes like no serious conversation had just taken place, it was a wonder to watch her suddenly relax and smile. 

“Honestly it was the weirdest shoot of my life, I look to my left and there’s a fucking bollock naked Harry,” Mae says placing a hand on each side of her face as she talked about the latest sideman shoot she was out. Freezy and Chip couldn’t hide their laughter as Mae continued.

“I know many women would die to be in that position but honestly not something I needed to see.”

The interview ended and to her surprise there was a lot of clapping when they had wrapped up, it was more noise then Cal, Chip and the producer could make. She looked around to see she had now amassed an audience, people were really keen to hear what she had to say not in a nosey but in a supportive way and as the fellas podcast was recorded in an office which was shared by a lot of other Youtubers so she had a lot of support in the room.

“I didn’t know I had an entourage,” Mae commented slightly embarrassed by the fan fare.

“We’re just proud of you,” Simon commented as he embraced the small woman.

“I appreciate it, but you’ve all got to stop pandering to me sometime, otherwise my head won’t fit through the door.”

“It’ll almost be as big as George’s,” Chris replied pointing to his housemate next to him who gave a ‘hey!’ Mae giggled and hugged the boys each in turn as she made her way down the line.

“How are you feeling? I think I need a break after hearing it, it was a lot of stuff” Cal asked Mae once everything had calmed down.

“I’m okay, some days are better than others when I’m okay I’m happy to talk,” Mae admitted with a small smile. She then felt an arm sneak around her waist and looked to her right to see Chris.

“Some of the boys and I are going to grab some lunch at Nando’s if you fancy it?” He asked, Theo and Harry looked on, they had a suspicion Chris was harbouring a small crush, he had pretty much told them so but Chris wasn’t the kind of person to jump on someone when they were vulnerable so he pushed it out of the back of his mind. Now Mae had expressed an interest in getting back out there; they were surprised he had yet to make a move however.

“Sounds good, talking makes me really hungry,” Mae replied with a small laugh as she looked at Chris, she had to admit she was really loving his new hair and his beard, it made him look older but in a good way. When the first met she assumed he was younger then he was but he had a boyish charm about his looks but he had now grown into a very attractive man.

Overall it was Mae, Chris, Harry, Theo, George and Arthur who went for lunch, they all squeezed themselves into a booth as it was surprisingly busy for a Wednesday afternoon. Mae was inbetween Harry and George Chris was sitting opposite her, the group deciding that the two smallest people should go in the middle.

“All I’m saying is I’ve got more cake than Arthur so I don’t see why I’m in the middle,” Chris complained.

“Shouldn’t be such a fat bastard then,” Theo replied causing the table to laugh.

“Speak for yourself!” Chris retorted as he sat in the seat grumpily. Mae was typing her order in Harry’s phone as he was closest to the counter, as she handed it to George the brunette looked down as he felt a breeze from Mae swinging her legs slightly. 

“Do your legs not touch the floor?” he asked with a smirk.

“Shut up,” Mae snapped as she looked down at them only to see a pair of white shoes opposite her just hovering above the brown floor.

“Do your feet not touch the floor either?” Mae said to Chris causing everyone to look in that direction.

“Oh for fucks sake,” Chris exclaimed banging his head on the table.

“Does your height bother you?” Mae asked now feeling quite guilty in case she had upset Chris. After the break up with Shannon Chris could get a little crabby, he confided in Mae that his depression and anxiety got the better of him a little but he was doing better now. Mae really appreciated Chris being honest with her about his own struggles in a you’re not the only one going through things so don’t be embarrassed way.

“Not usually, I filmed a video yesterday, like a vs 100 models thing and after hearing “you’re short” from about half the women it grates on you a little,” he admitted sounding a little deflated.

“Well if it helps from a pixie to a hobbit height doesn’t bother me,” Mae said in an attempt to cheer Chris up but she did also mean it, Chris was an attractive guy and his height didn’t bother her in the slightest.

“Thanks.” His eyes brightened up slightly as he sat up, Harry gave Theo a knowing look while handing the blonde his phone for his own order.

The group ordered and ate, ice was thrown at one point and some even landed in Mae’s bra which caused a scream and of course that attracted attention to them. Some fans came over and asked for photos causing everyone to squeeze in more in order to get into the photo. There was one photo in particular where it was a group of three needing to all squeeze in so everyone had to get up close. George had an arm around Mae’s shoulders and from the angle it looked like his hand was on her knee but in reality it was simply laying in the very small space between them. The pair could laugh it off, Mae having had far worse rumours and truths out there especially after the year or so she had, and George being perpetually single being linked to a woman could become a big source of humour for him and his content. It was only a rumour.

[persephonewritessometimes]

Moon Song / part six: punisher

Summary: A peek into Y/N's and Hotch's relationship three years later.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x (AFAB) Reader

Word Count: 2445

Warnings: proposal, pregnancy, wedding, happy and in love!hotch&reader, brief mention of sex

Playlist: Link

Author's Note: Thank you all for reading! I have a little surprise that will be going up sometime soon (bonus chapter lmao because I can't get enough of moon song!hotch) Thank you for all the likes, comments, and reblogs, I see them all and I'm so grateful. <3

This work is meant for readers aged 18 and over. You are responsible for your own media consumption.

Three years. Three years of therapy. Three years of working cases together. Three years of Hotch trying not to burst a blood vessel when officers attempted to ask me out, and I politely shut them down. Three years of co-parenting. And three years of learning how to communicate and love each other in a healthy way. It wasn’t easy, not one part of it, but it was worth it. Because we’re okay. Better than okay, actually. We made it out. Together. With minor casualties of course, but we fucking made it.

         Haley married Todd two years ago, and they welcomed a little girl named Emma about a year ago. Haley and I have become friends, she helped me learn what it’s like to be a mom and I go to her when I have questions about Jack and how to handle certain situations. She lets me babysit Emma too, and I’m obsessed with that little girl. It makes me wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn’t had a miscarriage.

         I’m getting ready to go out for dinner, and since JJ had hinted that I might want to look nice I slipped into a pretty sky-blue dress. Aaron is downstairs putting away the dishes, I can tell that because it’s louder than all get out. He tries to be gentle, but I think he just hates putting the dishes away, so he rushes to get them done as fast as possible. Since he’s preoccupied, I dig around in the under-the-sink cabinet, reaching for a box in the back. I rip open the pregnancy test, pee in a cup, and wait. I’d been feeling off lately, my period was a few days late, and I just wanted to make sure. A couple of minutes pass and I turn the test over.

         “AaRON?” My voice cracks as I shout his name.

         “Coming!” He shouts back and I hear him jog up the stairs. He pushes the door open and sees my hands shaking. “Y/N, what’s wrong?” I can hear the panic in his voice.

         “I’m pregnant,” I whisper, picking up the positive test on the counter and showing him. I watch him closely, as several emotions flash over his face and he’s trying to hold back a grin, always waiting for my reaction.

         “And how do you want me to feel about that? Whatever you want to do, I’m on board with you one hundred percent.”

         “I want this baby so fucking bad,” I say, starting to cry. “After the first one, I felt so lost. I thought I would never get pregnant again.” He grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly.

         “I was going to wait to do this until we got to dinner, but I think the universe is telling me to do it now.” I watch as he gets down on one knee, fishing a small box out of his pocket. I start to cry even harder.

         “Oh my god, you are not – what – I – “

         “Y/N Y/LN, will you do me the biggest honor of my life? Will you marry me?”

         “Yes! Oh my god yes, of course!” He slides the ring on my finger, gets up, and kisses me deeply, not seeming to mind that I can’t stop crying and my nose is running. We break apart and he rests his forehead on mine, a hand on my stomach.

         “Whatever happens, no matter what, I will be here for you, always. I’m never leaving. You are my heart; you are my home. I love you.”

         “I love you too,” I whisper thickly. He kisses my forehead, then bends down and kisses my abdomen. I laugh and the smile he shoots me is so bright I almost feel like I could fall over from the force of it.

         “Okay, so you have two options. The dinner we originally planned where there may be some familiar faces.” He winks at me, and I laugh again. “Or, we can call it a night, have some steamy sex, and watch a movie?”

         “Wow, that’s a hard choice.” I pause, then say, “Let’s go see our friends.” I take a step back to wipe my tears and blow my nose. “But I’m still expecting steamy sex later, regardless.” He laughs loudly and promises that he’ll live up to my request. I smooth my dress down as he dials someone on his phone.

         “JJ, change of plans. I may have already proposed so no need to be incognito.” He says, smiling at me.

         “Dammit!” We hear Reid shout in the background.

         “Oh, thank god, Reid’s insistence on a fake mustache has made him insufferable,” JJ says, chuckling.

         “We’re leaving in a few, see you then.” He says, hanging up the phone. “Are you okay?” He asks, looking me over.

         “Yeah, just a lot of big things at once,” I say with a soft smile.

         “Need a moment alone? I can get the car ready.”

         “If you wouldn’t mind,” I say.

         “Of course, pretty girl. I’ll be downstairs. I love you!” He retreats, softly closing the door behind him. I look at myself in the mirror, I look down at my stomach, there’s no visible difference, but I feel different.

         “What if I told you I feel like I know you, but we’ve never met?” I whisper down to my belly, smoothing my hands over it. I feel tears prick at the corner of my eyes, happy tears, and I put my shoes on before joining Aaron in the garage.

We drive to my favorite Italian place around the corner. “You really pulled out all the stops, didn’t you?”

“Anything for the love of my life.” He says, squeezing my knee.

“Oh my god, you are so sappy!” I say, resting my hand over his.

“I can’t help it; you make me weak in the knees.” We pull up at the restaurant, and he parks the car. We walk inside to the team yelling “CONGRATULATIONS!” I laugh and show off my ring, Aaron’s hand resting on the small of my back.

“Can we please eat for the love of god? You guys took forever to get here.” Morgan groans.

“Watch how you talk about my fiancé, Morgan,” Hotch says, glaring at him. Morgan holds his hands up in mock defeat and we all take a seat at the table that had been prepared for us. Hotch is seated to my right, and JJ is to my left. I lean over to say something in JJ’s ear while the rest of the team talks loudly.

“I’m pregnant,” I say, loud enough so she can hear me but no one else can. Her head whips around so fast, eyes wide. I laugh and nod, and she grabs my hand.

“Congratulations, Y/N!” She says in my ear. I beam at her.

“Who knew that it would turn out this way three years ago?” I say, and she gives me a sly smile but says nothing. I wonder what she has up her sleeve.

-7 months later-

         The wedding is beautiful – everything I wanted it to be and more. It’s a pretty small wedding, we only wanted our closest friends and family there. My sister and her husband came, as well as my parents even though they were traveling abroad at the time. Haley and Todd came, and they kept an eye on Jack during the ceremony. I’m in love with the dress I picked out – it’s an off-white color and is loose in the belly – something I knew I would need. I’m waiting for my cue to walk down the aisle, and I smooth my hands over my bump, resting my hands underneath it.

         “You’re glowing,” JJ says. I asked her to be my Matron of Honor, needing someone with a level head to keep me from freaking out. “You have your vows?” I nod, pulling a piece of paper out from the bust area of my dress. She takes it from me, vowing to keep it safe until I need it. Reid walks in and says,

         “Beautiful as ever, Y/N. JJ they’re ready for us to walk down the aisle.” Spencer winks at me, and I smile, mouth suddenly dry. This is really happening. They walk down the aisle, and then my dad is there, offering me his arm and a smile.

         “Breathe. It’s going to be fine; I promise.” He whispers to me, right before we round the corner and walk down the aisle. I take a deep breath and look up, locking eyes with Aaron and he’s crying. I start silently crying, emotional both from the day and the pregnancy hormones coursing through my body. My dad shakes his hand and hands me over. Aaron kisses my forehead, then my belly, and takes my hand. When we get to the vows, Aaron goes first.

         “My beautiful, Y/N. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see this day. I am not the same person I was three and a half years ago. You have changed me irrevocably and for the better. I close my eyes every night and I dream that I can hold you.” He winks at me, a callback to the letter he sent me, and I laugh. “I never thought that I would get to hold you forever. I promise to always love you, to always put you first, and to always take a bullet for you.” Another wink. “I didn’t think I would get another chance with you, but time and time again, you have surprised me and taught me how to love myself. I can’t imagine doing life without you. I love you.” He wipes my tears, and JJ hands me my vows. My shaking hands unfold the paper, and now it’s my turn.

         “I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say in my vows, as you already know how I feel about you. Then I was afraid I would say too much, and then I wouldn’t know where to start, wouldn’t know when to stop. Everyone knows you’re the way to my heart. I hope that when people look at me, they see the love I have for you, the love I have for our family, and the love I have because of you. I loved you from the first moment we met, and I have loved you every moment since. I promise to never stop loving you, even when you insist on making dinner and burn something, even when you put the dishes away too fast and it sounds like a bull in a china shop, and even when you take a bullet for me. I love you so much that I didn’t even know how to put everything in words.” I fold my paper back up and look up at him, wiping his tears, and he kisses the back of my hand when he’s done. Rossi, who got ordained just for this moment, pronounces us husband and wife, and Aaron’s lips are on mine before Rossi can even finish his sentence. Everyone hollers as Hotch kisses me like we have no audience and when he finally pulls away, I'm breathless.

         The reception starts after we take pictures, and everyone cheers when we walk in. We share our first dance, then take a seat at our private table because I’m starving and could probably eat the whole buffet table at this point. Aaron gets us both a plate, my belly weighing heavy from being on my feet for a while, and I subtly slip my feet out of the flats I was wearing.

         “Eat slowly,” Aaron says, raising his eyebrows at me when he sets my plate down in front of me. I glare at him, but oblige him, nonetheless. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes. I watch the room as we eat, everyone is laughing and having fun, and I’m smiling watching them.

         “I can feel you staring at me, you know,” I say after a few minutes, turning to face Aaron.

         “What, can I not admire my beautiful wife?” I blush, suddenly shy. He leans in to kiss me and I go,

         “Oh my god you can’t kiss me, you’re married!” He pulls away and hisses,

         “Y/N that is not funny! I married to you now, dumbass.”

         “Yeah, I know, but it was funny to me,” I say grinning.

         “You’re evil.”

         “Oh, definitely,” I say, leaning in and kissing him.

         JJ gets up and taps a knife on her cup to get everyone’s attention.

         “Hello everyone, thank you for coming. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m JJ, one of Y/N’s and Hotch’s friends, and I just wanted to give a short speech. When you work with profilers all the time, you start to pick up on things. When Y/N first joined our team, we welcomed her with open arms, and she fit right in. Two weeks into Y/N being at the BAU, our dear friend Spencer Reid, made a one-off comment about Hotch’s body language whenever Y/N is in the room. Hotch, for being section chief, we expected you to be able to keep a secret a lot better.” He laughs, and she continues. “When we in turn looked at Y/N’s body language, the attraction between them was obvious. At that moment, we placed bets on if they would last or not and seeing as we’re at their wedding, I’m pleased to announce I won that bet. Not even our resident genius was certain that Y/N and Hotch would make it out together. I may not be a betting woman, but I’ll always bet on you, Y/N.” She winks at me, and I laugh. “Needless to say, I bought you guys a really nice gift with the money I won, so, you’re welcome!” Aaron and I both laugh at that. “All that being said, I’m thrilled that you two have each other. Everyone who looks at you sees the love you two share, and it’s a beautiful thing to see. Even if it’s hard to work with two people who are constantly swooning over each other. I love you guys.” She nods, and I get up and hug her.

         “Thank you,” I whisper in her ear, “For everything. We wouldn’t be here today if you hadn’t stuck by my side and supported me.” She just squeezes me tight.

         We dance the night away before my eyes start to shut for more than a split second. Aaron calls it a night, and everyone sends us off. He helps me into the car before getting into the driver’s seat.

         “Well, you’re stuck with me forever now, Mr. Hotchner.”

         “And I couldn’t be happier, Mrs. Hotchner.”

---

bonus chapter!

---

TAG LIST (want to be added? click here!): @helmihotchner @hausofwhores @stxlemate @heidss @justjoyceme @bxtchopolis @art-and-thoughts @morgthemagpie @rousethemouse @ssamorganhotchner @mrs-ssa-aaron-hotchner @sebastiansstanswhore

[softhairedhotch]

another hotchgan fic, this time they've been married for some time. rest of the fics for this month will go back to being aaron x reader fics so keep an eye out for those :)

comfortember day eight: grief/mourning

aaron hotchner x derek morgan

derek visits the graveyard and aaron finds him there.

word count: 1k

content/warnings: mentions of death, insecurities, doubts, but there's comfort at the end <3 established relationship

comfortember masterlist here!

also on ao3!

visitor

Derek finds himself at the graveyard. He's not sure why he's there, it just feels right at that moment. It takes him a few minutes to gain the confidence to leave his car, drowning out the calling of birds and wind alike with music to calm his nerves. Finally, though, after he tells himself that there's nothing wrong with what he's about to do, he switches off the music, grabs the flower from atop of the dashboard, and jumps out before he can talk himself out of it again.

Finding the grave is simple enough, remembering the route from the funeral as if it happened yesterday even when it's been years. The hard part is getting himself within ten feet of it without feeling guilt claw viciously at his chest. Deciding that he's close enough for now, he stares at the headstone with a heavy heart. 

"I'm gonna talk to you from here, if that's okay," he says out loud, feeling embarrassed. "I just wanted to… thank you. Not for dying or anything, no, but for giving me the chance to get to where I am now. With Aaron." He huffs out a laugh, fiddling with the stem of the flower. "That's basically just me telling you I'm glad you're dead, isn't it? Well, I'm not."

There's no reply, although that's no surprise. 

"Aaron still talks about you all the time. And Jack. He misses you; they both do. I'm not sure why I'm here, to be completely honest with you, I just… I needed… I don't know." 

Derek takes a few tentative steps toward the grave, anxiety bubbling low in his gut. He doesn't like feeling this way. Like there's a weight on his chest that may never go away. 

"I think I'm here to see if, well, if what I did was okay. Dammit, that makes it sound like I killed you or something. That's not what I mean. It's…" He shakes his head in anger. 

Birds fly overhead, singing a tune he's heard countless of times. His mind wanders to Gideon and he smiles solemnly when he imagines the man telling him the species and what their cries really mean. Probably something along the lines of you're not alone or everything's gonna be alright, he thinks, although he's sure the man would have made that up just to ease his mind. 

Taking another few steps forwards, he finds himself parallel with the bench in front of the headstone. He figures that, since he's already made it so close, he may as well sit down, too. Taking a deep breath, he leans forward and gently places the flower down onto the ground. 

"I just hope you're okay with this," he whispers after sitting there in silence for a few minutes. "I mean, your sister is, but she's not you, and I feel like I need your permission. I don't know. Aaron and Jack are happy, I think, with me. In their lives. But… it's not you, I can't be… you." 

"And I'm not asking you to be her." 

Derek jumps, turning around on the bench so fast he gets whiplash, and he chokes on air. "Jesus, Aaron," he almost yells, hand moving to hold in his beating heart. "Warn a man next time!" 

"Warn a man when I'm coming to visit my ex-wife's grave?" He asks, a small smirk on his lips. 

"Well, no, I, no, I mean, dammit, sorry." 

Aaron smiles, sitting beside him. He reaches out for Derek's hand, bringing it to his lips and pressing a kiss to his knuckles before dropping their joined hands over his own thigh. "You don't have to be sorry, Der." 

"You're not mad at me for being here?" 

He hums in response, eyes reading over the text written on the headstone before him as if he hasn't already read it a million times over the past ten years. "'Course not. Why would I be? Haley would be happy to have visitors."

"I'm not sure she'd like her ex-husbands new husband visiting her, though. Practically stole you from her." 

"Now we both know that's not true," Aaron sighs, squeezing his hand. Derek avoids his eyes. "Hey, look at me. Please?" Derek hesitates before looking up at him. "She died before we even so much as acknowledged we had feelings for each other, and even if she hadn't, we'd still have been divorced. She'd be happy for us." 

"But… yeah, she would." 

"Then why are you here?" 

Derek shrugs. "Guess I've been having doubts lately." 

"About us?" Aaron asks, unable to hide his hurt. 

"What? No, no!" Derek turns in his seat, a panicked look on his face. "That's not what I mean at all. I mean… I don't know what I mean." 

Aaron sighs and nods, wrapping his arm around Derek and tugging him into his side. Derek hums and rests his head on his shoulder, looking at the grave. "You feel like you've forced your way into a family that already existed."

"How do I stop feeling guilty about that?" 

"I don't know what to tell you, Derek. But just know that I love you, and Jack loves you, and whether you feel like it or not, you are a part of this family. You didn't force your way in, we let you in. We allowed you into our lives because you make us happy. You have a place here. With us."

Derek's chest feels tight and it takes him a few moments to collect himself enough to speak. "You really mean that?" 

"Of course I do. Wouldn't say it if I didn't." Aaron presses a kiss to the top of his head. "You know I love you, right?" 

"Mhm. I love you, too."

"I'm glad. Now let's go pick up Jack from school, okay? He has a big project he needs help with." Aaron stands up and gently tugs Derek up by his hand. He presses a kiss to his index and middle finger before lightly pressing the on top of the gravestone for a few moments. "Hope you're okay," he whispers. "Miss you." 

Derek watches sadly, an ache in his heart. 

"So," Aaron says, turning back to him and beginning the walk to the car. "How do you feel about making a fake volcano?"

tag list: @hotchs-big-hands @criminalskies

[inkblackorchid]

Hello! First off I want to thank you for these amazing stories you’ve written! Admittedly the best Yusei/Aki stories I’ve ever read, in my opinion. This is actually how I discovered 5d’s. I came across your story ‘Snapping jaws and piercing horns’ and no kidding I thought Yusei and Aki were a couple in the anime. (I was also confused on how Aki lost against Andre - you wrote it so precisely I thought it happened in the anime also!) However, I was wondering if you could make a scenario where they have an argument, which of course happens in relationships. I wanted to see what they were arguing about and how they dealt with it. Thank you and have a nice day!

Hiiii! Thank you for reading my stories, I'm glad you enjoy them! And wow, that's really, really high praise. It makes me super happy to hear the stories almost tricked you into thinking they were canon, haha. (I'll admit I wrote them wishing they were, lol.)

Now, as far as an argument between Aki and Yusei is concerned—I'll admit the idea has tickled my brain from time to time, but believe it or not, that's harder to set up than you think. And not because I don't think they argue (everyone does, whether they're a couple or not), but because of the understanding I have of the canon characters and the way my stories play out. I have a feeling this answer might get longer than it strictly needs to be, so uh... Hope you're up for that.

Here's the thing: I think these two have fairly different tempers when it comes to arguments and fairly different priorities in that regard, too. I'd go as far as saying it's canon that Aki definitely has the shorter fuse between them. She's more likely to get worked up at all, and she's more likely to get worked up about things that may not be super important, either. Meanwhile, as far as my memory of canon serves, it's hard to get Yusei worked up at. all. Full stop. And that's not because he doesn't get angry, but because it seems like he only expends the energy to argue with someone when it's about a really big thing. We see him argue with the Goodwin brothers about fate. Big thing. We see him argue with the prison chief about the value of cards. Big thing, because we know believing no card is worthless is a central aspect of Yusei's character. We also see him argue with Rudger/Roman about the Zero Reverse, which is a very big thing, because it's the most personal topic in the entire show for Yusei by far. However, we don't see him partake in any of Jack and Crow's squabbles or otherwise argue about minor things. You get the gist.

What's more, we only see Yusei argue with Aki, specifically, a whopping three times in the whole show, maybe four if we're being generous. Two of those times are during their two big duels, where Yusei's arguing with Aki for the sake of her own well-being, because he's trying to convince her she's not a monster, the third time is when Aki is literally jumping from a moving vehicle to another because he's—understandably—concerned for her safety, and the fourth time is when he's technically arguing with the whole 5Ds team by insisting he should go to Ark Cradle alone, which everyone else justifiably insists is a terrible idea. (What's noteworthy is that this is, again, a matter of safety. So we know there's one thing that reliably gets Yusei worked up: The worry that people he loves might be in danger.)

Here's where my personal interpretation of these two comes in, then. I think that frankly, for any person with a halfway "average" temper, Yusei is an absolute nightmare to argue with. Because unless the topic's big enough to get him worked up, too, he just won't argue. Worse yet, if someone's just picking a fight to let off steam, I see him as the type of guy who immediately figures out the underlying issue and starts talking about that instead. And if you've ever been in the position of wanting to snap at someone about nothing because you needed to let off steam, you'll know that a person like that is the worst. target. of all time. for that kind of outburst. Because they start poking at the vulnerable thing you didn't want to talk about instead, and this is exactly how I see Yusei. This is the same guy who, within his very first duel with Aki, figured out that try as she might to pretend she does for Divine's sake, she doesn't actually enjoy hurting people with her powers, after all—something we know she wasn't thrilled to hear at the time.

Aki, on the other hand, I could see occasionally get frustrated with something and then short-tempered with other people because of it. I don't think she can be moved to an outburst of truly catastrophic proportions unless it's about something big, either. But Aki would be a hundred times quicker to snap at someone without really meaning to, and wouldn't need world-shaking reasons to start arguing with people, either. But with Yusei on the other end of the argument? Unless it was about something fundamental, she wouldn't get much of a reaction because he'd be quick to guess she's actually upset about something completely different than she claims to be. He'd see right through her, which would possibly only piss Aki off even more.

So, let's finally get back to your central question: In what scenario would these two genuinely argue, then? The closest to it I've personally ever gotten in my stories was in chapter two of Be Careful what you Wish for, and that was similar to what I described above: Aki was high-strung for a completely unrelated thing and wanted to kick off an argument to let off steam. Except that time, she caught herself because she knew she'd basically be yelling at Yusei for no reason.

If I wanted a situation where they'd genuinely fight, though, it'd have to be about something big. About some moral dilemma, about someone's safety, or hell, about one of the few topics that get under both their skin. Something even Yusei would consider worth the effort to get worked up about, and something that isn't a front for something else. I don't think it'd be the most explosive argument, at least not from both sides, and I don't think it'd be overly drawn-out, either, but it certainly wouldn't be any less heart-wrenching for it. Because when you argue about big things, you inevitably argue in the worst of ways. Aki would probably be louder and meaner, but Yusei's arguments would cut deeper. I think they'd both feel bad about it fairly quickly, too, but who would apologise first would depend on what the argument was about, I think, and whether either of them was more "in the right" from a purely logical standpoint. I think generally speaking, Aki would be a little more hesitant about apologising, not because she can't admit she's wrong, but because she has a harder time swallowing her pride than Yusei when she knows she's wrong. Between the two of them, I think Yusei is also less likely to hold a grudge; when he forgives someone, he forgives them, period, whereas Aki sometimes has a slightly harder time letting go due to her own past experiences.

But yeah! That's how I see these two, at least. As for whether a full argument between them will ever feature in my writing, that depends on whether I could properly set it up. (It looks like there might be an opportunity to let them clash in the fic I'm currently writing... maybe. If the rest of the plot doesn't end up taking up an unreasonable amount of space already.)

Sorry for the long answer, these kinds of questions just really make me think ^^"

[humbuginmybones]

Chapter Three! I'm on a roll!

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓣𝓱𝓻𝓮𝓮: "𝓢𝓹𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓷' 𝓓𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓴𝓼 𝓞𝓷 𝓜𝔂 𝓢𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓮"

You text Alex the next morning, texting 'hi.'

You get a swift response, he is pleased that you actually texted him already.

"Hi there, how are you today? It's nice to hear from you again."

"Doing pretty well. How are you?" You text.

He texts back, not wanting to wait too long to reply, and he smiles at this message.

"I'm doing quite well, I'm just relaxing on the couch, and thinking about some songs to write. Nothing too crazy I suppose, and I am happy to hear you're doing well."

Alex smiles to himself and thinks... Damn. Maybe I have a chance.

He stumbled out of bed, and drafted another text to you. But then Matt caught him and wished him a good morning... And Alex nodded, following Matt to his own hotel room, carrying a bottle of Jack Daniels. He could tell that Matt wanted to talk... But Alex couldn't help it - He spilt everything, and Matt listened intently, like a good friend would. He smiled.

"Wait, you're actually happy for me?" Alex mumbled, slamming down some whiskey.

"Nah, mate, I think it is better to make more friends." Matt said to Alex as they sat on the settee in the hotel room.

Matt looked up at the ceiling as he took another drag of his cigarette.

"I'll be honest, you've been startin' to concern me, Al." Matt's ice-blue eyes darted to the glass of whiskey Alex was drinking.

Alex sighed and rolled his eyes, downing the rest of his glass sloppily, a few drops spilling onto the settee, which he quickly wiped.

"Al, look at me." Matt asked kindly.

Alex turned to face his best friend.

"Why?" He mumbled, putting his head in his hands.

Matt replied. "Because you... You can't move on, and you're coping in a way that deeply concerns me." He said slowly, choosing every word.

"I lost the love of my life, Matt!" Alex defended.

Matt sighed.

Matt thought for a second, his fingers brushing his chin.

"Alright, Alex. You're my best friend, so it's up to me to say this to you. I'm going to be real, can you promise to listen to me?"

Alex fixed his hair while nodding.

Matt took his bandmate and beat friends' hand in his own.

"Alex... I know saying that the breakup being almost two years ago isn't going to help you move on. But I want to ask you something. What if you never had a girlfriend - A partner again?"

Alex blinked slowly, that was the strongest thing he had heard in a while. His friend promised to be harsh, not deep... And that scared him. Alex didn't like confronting his feelings unless it was deep in his lyrics, his craft, so he never had to expand.

"Um... Why do you ask?" Was all Alex was able to mumble out.

"Just think. Just answer the question." Matt said.

Alex shrugged.

"Would you be comfortable, Al? Would you be able to live like that? Because I... I think you got too dependent on that relationship, and now that it's gone... Instead of looking inwards, you're coping with sex, drugs, etc. Me and the boys are here for you - Al, you don't have to live like this. Getting high, getting drunk, calling random girls for hookups and then wondering why it doesn't last. Alex... You need to be able to stand on your own - You need to be a whole, not just a half. Especially now that you don't have a relationship."

Alex sat with Matt's words for a second.

"Matt..."

Matt spoke up once more.

"You have me, Mi, Mal, Cookie... We're here for you. We want you to have friends, and be fine without romance. Embrace the single-ness." "I'm sure that's the word, but there's a reason I'm not the lyricist." Matt chuckled.

"That's easy for you to say, Matthew. You have Breanna." Alex crossed his arms.

"Okay, and? Guess what, life can't revolve around romance. Now that we're not on tour, I've noticed the state you're in and how dire it is. I have to help you now."

Alex didn't doubt how serious Matt was being, and that scared him.

"So that girl's number you just got - Would it be so bad to have another friend? Even if you think she's pretty, there's no harm in healing yourself and going slow. The future is open to you, my friend - Getting a new friend or something more... Nothing will be lost there. Just... See where it goes, don't force anything."

"Oh, but you should see her, Matt! She's beyond belief! I... I..."

"Matthew, can I admit something to you?"

Matt nodded, brows knitting.

"I now believe in fate, Matt. I saw this year a year ago at a concert, and I wrote... Well, I'll admit, I wrote 'R U Mine?' and 'Electricity' 'bout her. That's how I banged 'em out so quickly. And then I saw her at that bar party... And then last night, and I finally made a move. It's like she's meant to be in my life!"

Matt slowly blinked.

"Holy shit."

Everything about the past 48 hours felt like a fucken' dream. Waking up, and even seeing a 'Good Morning' text from fucking Alex Turner felt unreal. The fact that meeting him in that pale moonlight and getting his number - How was that not a dream?! Hell... He even suggested meeting up tonight. What the hell else were you supposed to do on a perfectly fine Saturday night? Honestly, even if you did have plans, you'd probably cancel them in a heartbeat to not let this chance slip through your fingers.

Matt had helped Alex draft the text asking you to hang out tonight for... Too long, but Matt wanted to be a good friend. Alex was technologically illiterate and bad at reading social cues, so... Even a simple text could be a mountain climb for him.

"See? A new friend! God, I sound like your mum!" Matt sighed after the text was sent.

"God... What do I even talk about? It's been a while since I've talked to someone new where I couldn't just charm them with pick-up lines..." He muttered that last part.

"Well, she's a fan of yours, so there's already something built in there. Maybe she'll ask you something about how you wrote the songs! Ask her about her life!"

Alex nodded and tried not to overthink - It was just a new relationship, he wasn't going to force anything. If he was going to turn a new leaf and start healthy relationships... He had to not force things to go the way he wanted. A relationship was a mutual two-way street, or whatever metaphors Matt was using.

"Listen, Alex... You have charisma - Don't sell yourself short. If you need a wingman... Even if it's just for new friends, I'm here." Matt offered a warm smile and a pat on the back.

Alex got up to leave the hotel room, and Matt couldn't help but smile.

Alex left the whiskey bottle on the side-table.

[eastralyn]

Continued

Trigger warning; domestic violence

My first memory of my dad was a picture and my mom saying "that's your dad, that's what he looks like". I think she showed me the picture and told me to keep it so I wouldn't forget what he looked like until he came home next. I remember vividly that picture, from his large moustache to the white uniform he was wearing. In every picture I remember, he's on a ship. There's always ocean, there's always a ship and there's always him in these photos.

What I remember just as vividly is how he wasn't the person in the photo when I got home. He was always just similar to the pictures I had, but colder. More distant. I could never tell if he was happy to be home and I could never tell at the time why he never stayed. And that's how it's always gone with him. Glaring absences with sprinkles of presence. He always seemed miserable when I was young, the few times I remember with him.

I'd be so excited when he was coming home; so why wasn't he? Why wasn't he excited to see me? He seemed so annoyed with me wanting to soak up his every detail because I knew one morning he'd be gone; he'd morph into the voice on the other end of the phone and it would be another 6-8 months before I saw him again. He'd leave tons of presents for me and my mom before heading back to work. I have more memories of the things he bought me than himself as a person.

Still, my mom and I would follow him. It seemed random though; we'd spend almost a year in Miami so he could get education for his job. We'd spend time in Texas so he could have an easier time getting on the ship. We'd wind up spending a year in the Caribbean, which was the worst year for all of us. And each time, he'd leave or we'd leave, always back to New York. And I thought that's how it would always go; we'd leave together and then my mom and I would come back to New York alone.

The last memory I have of my dad in New York is the first time I realized my parent's relationship wasn't quite right. They has always argued a lot, but I would try to get them to hold hands, ask them if they still loved each other. But not this one night. This one night, my mom was cutting food in the kitchen and my dad was in there too. I think they were screaming at each other, which wasn't abnormal. But it seemed different this time. My mom would get so angry and he would get so angry; they would say horrible things to each other. This time, it escalated. I think my mom might have said for him to get away from her. There must have been a commotion I was disassociating from because all I remember next is my dad sitting in the living room in the dark, a hole freshly bleeding in his arm. My mom had stabbed him and was now losing her mind in the kitchen. I didn't know what to do as my dad sat there silently; tears streaming down his face.

I thought I could fix it. In my 4 or 5 year old wisdom, I thought I could make him smile. I'm his only daughter; if I can make him see how much I care, then we can care for each other and fix all this mess.

I climbed on his lap; no reaction.

I started asking questions; no reaction.

My mom is in the background alternating between saying don't touch him because he has diseases and losing her mind that she stabbed her husband. She eventually called the cops on herself, because my mind flashes to the next memory. Police are there and they want to see my cereal. My dad is just gone, my mom is just gone. I don't know where they are. And I don't know what happens next.

That's where the memory ends. It's taken me years to understand all the gaps, silences and skips are erased in the murky waters of trauma. Where did my parents go that night? Did they take my mom? Where did my dad go? Why does he always disappear in my worst memories?

He exists as a phantom in my mind. He's there but you can't see him. You can hear him calling, but it's as easy as discerning whispers on a breeze. He shows up in a blinding flash of light, and leaves just as quickly. His presence is a chaotic lightning strike hitting random spots on the map of my life; he leaves marks but he's too quick for you to actually notice he had been there.

[lunar-years]

re: “the jamie factor” to the roykeeley resolution in the finale, they really do have to do something about it because they heavily implied that keeley still had feelings for him multiple times at the beginning of the season and that was… never resolved? unless they intended the resolution to just be that she wanted to be friends with him?? but (and maybe this is just my shipping goggles) I don’t feel like that really explains how she was talking about him to shandy and jack

Exactly.

This is one of the few things that will actually hack me off if it's done incorrectly in the finale (read: Roy/Keeley getting back together and Jamie is neither mentioned nor shown. Or, 1000x worse, if they do show him finding out/one of them telling him afterwards and he's just like "Oh I'm so happy for you guys! my two best friends who I absolutely don't also have feelings for! together at last! :)" because WHAT). I'm pretty confident they won't do that because of how little sense it makes but like. It's still an illogical fear of mine.

And look, I'm all for an ambiguous ending in which ot3 isn't defined. I don't really need any further confirmation beyond what we got last week. But the fact that the narrative did start (and subsequently interrupt) an "I don't want to just be friends" conversation between Roy & Keeley makes it an almost certainty that they're going to finish said conversation. In which case, I don't see how Roy and Keeley could make any choice about their relationship without thinking about/including Jamie. The only route to ambiguity I can see is Keeley turning Roy down (maybe after some more glances in Jamie's general direction to suggest to viewers with eyes that he's part of the reason) and then the three of them shown briefly as friends again.

As you say, there's been several moments in the season where it's been made pretty clear Keeley is thinking about Jamie in that way again. And even in the moment where Roy/Keeley are talking and Jamie interrupts them, Keeley 1) does not look like she's about to give a resounding yes to Roy and 2) drops her hand SO fast the moment Jamie walks through the door. How else are we supposed to read this, like ?? We know Roy still loves Keeley, there's been nothing to indicate Jamie isn't still in love with Keeley (as he told her last season) and everything Roy/Jamie this season has not been subtle development... the dots are connecting in a way that the writers absolutely have to not only be aware of but also intentional about at this point.

Not to mention that last week the entire Jamie Roy Keeley plot was however many minutes of "there is no heterosexual or monogamous explanation for this" so uhhh. yeah. I can only conclude that ot3 is going to be addressed.

[lynn-the-lynn]

My aro life has opened a new chapter. And that chapter is called "oh dear God why do I feel so conflicted." (Rant ish post ahead)

I have three best friends. Let's name them Eric, Merida, and Flora.

Merida started dating this boy that I'm low key scared of. She told me about some of the decisions she's made with him and I went 😨. Nevertheless, happy for them.

Flora is someone I haven't known for long, but she started dating their childhood best friend not too long ago. Happy for them.

Merida set Eric up on a date with another guy. From what I've heard, they hit it off pretty well and are very interested in each other. Eric got his phone taken. I can't talk to him about it. Still. Happy for him.

Hell, my brother has a girlfriend

I am terrified of them treating me differently. I may start sixth wheeling soon. Please get me off of this biblically accurate bike omfg

Being Cupioromantic-Caedromantic-Aroflux-whatever as everyone around you is falling into their flowery highschool romances is terrifying. Maybe I'm just scared of growing up. Maybe that's why I bury myself in my cartoons and I still sleep with my plushies.

But, underneath the fear, I'm more comfortable accepting that I may not be capable of, or want to feel, that kind of love. Especially in highschool.

Highschool relationships baffle me.

Merida and Eric want to set me up on a date as well. I like the idea of not falling, but gently sitting down in love. But then again, I couldn't handle a wlw highschool breakup.

I've always been able to fluster the two of them with stories and hypotheticals. They have never been able to fluster me. "He has a good smile~" Eric is DEAD. "He's JACKED and GOOFY." Merida is DEAD.

"Shes... Nice?" Ok nice try 😭

Maybe what I want is a QPR that's not labeled as a QPR. Maybe what I want is my small business to lift off and Ill never have to worry about this. Maybe I want to go back to therapy.

I'm so happy for all of my friends. Especially Eric. That man has grown so much, and I've held his hand almost every step of the way. I know I'll let go soon. And that's ok.

Sigh. This usually goes into a discord server with Merida and Eric in it, but they're busy. And I don't think I want to talk about how scared, repulsed, intoxicated, and how yearnful I am for a relationship all at the same time.

So, I'm sending this into the void. I hope it finds someone who resonates with it. So you know that you're not alone in this feeling. So you know you're valid. So you know that it's okay to feel the way that you do.

And this was super cathartic to write, 10/10.

[mikimeiko]

Ok, so, thoughts on Ted Lasso finale and on season 3 as a whole:

Ted going back to Kansas was always the only possible ending. He has a son! He had a dad who abandoned him in the worst possible way and fucked him up, he HAD to go back to his son! (and no, Henry moving to London was not the best solution. Even if Michelle was actually ok with moving as well for some reason, uprooting your kid is not… the best move.)

(And sorry but I don't really agree with "Ted is leaving is support system in England!" and even less with the idea that he has built a found family there. He integrated in the community to a point, and he started doing it on day 1. And he has good, strong work relationships with all the people at Richmond. But! Most of the time when he is outside of work is either with Beard or by himself. He accepted Rebecca's help with that first panic attack, but he never reached out to her (or anyone else outside of doctor Sharon - who is a professional) in moments of distress. He made himself available to the people around him, but it's always been kind of unidirectional. (Ted has a wall around his core. He started chipping away at it in therapy but I would say that for now it's all very internal, he's really not ready to share. "It's just like I… It's like I'm scared sometimes to, like… to get close to that little boy. 'Cause I know he's gonna leave." This is about Henry, but it's really not just about Henry). So anyway, yes the show could have handled it better - maybe even just showing us a scene of Ted in Kansas going around with saying hello to everyone like he did in London, to let us KNOW that he is also present in that community, but anyway it doesn't feel so jarring to me). Also: I don't think going back to where you came from is necessarily a regression.

Staying in Kansas for a bit, I hated the Dr Jacob storyline. It made no sense, it was unpleasant and had no point, and I hated it.

I loved that Rebecca almost sold the team and then realized that she could be a force of change in a better direction for the game. I loved the fact that she sold the shares to the fan, I LOVED Keleey proposing a women's team because it felt SO RIGHT. I didn't particularly like the idea that they paralleled these choices to motherhood, because it's the stupidest idea ever, I'm sorry but just no. Also: I'm very sad that dutch man came back. I profoundly enjoyed the idea that Rebecca could have had that one night out of place and out of time, that it had a profound impact on her and changed the trajectory of her life a bit, while staying contained to that one night. Instead it turned into a love at first sight, happily ever after story. Ok, then? Sorry, not as interesting.

I'm so sad and upset and disappointed by how they handled Nate. I hated that it went from episode one (in which he was end-of-season-2 Nate, bitter and cocky in his new position) to episode four and he was old Nate again? Funny, clever, sweet, a little shy, basically full of love. What?! When did this happen? Where's the "be careful what you wish for cause it may come true"? Where's the disillusionment in Rupert and that kind of club culture? Where's the realization that what Nate thought would make him happy was actually not what he wanted at all? Where's the fight to make things change? ARGH. Also: that ending? Coming back to Richmond to be Will's number 2? What is going on. (I enjoyed A LOT every bit with his family. The conversation with his father! So tender.)

Also Keeley. I don't know, she felt so lost and then she actually lost everything (but it was because of her relationship with Jack) and then she didn't actually lose everything (but it was because of her relationship with Rebecca) and? Also Shandy's storyline was such a shame, when it could have been about finding the right balance to be the boss of your friend in a way that made you both shine more. But even though I liked her with Roy and hoped they would go back together (I also would have found the throuple interesting), I appreciate that her endgame was not, after all, a relationship. She's happy and she's thriving with her new weird, bloodthirsty coworker/friend and that's good to see.

Roy was so uneven. I have no words. I'm sad. I cried when he learned to ride a bike with Jaime, and at his Diamond Dogs speech. I wish they could have found a better way to show that unlearning shit and changing is hard.

Jamie definitely had the longest, better executed arc of the season and of the show (only Rebecca's is comparable). I hated him and now he is my precious bean. I actually loved Ted's speech on the field of letting go of the rage and the hate for his father for himself. I'm not enraged that they showed him reconnecting with his father, but I would have liked that part more if he hadn't immediately reached out to him (it was not supposed to be about his father).

What was Zava doing there in the first half of the season? I really thought that a character like him could have had a better story. But the answer I found is this: they needed that part when the team keeps losing to get to the revelation of total football with Jamie as the director; but they also needed Richmond to have enough points to almost win the whole fucking thing. So they got a star player that got them (alone, with no need to integrate into the team) to the top of the league, and then they made him leave suddenly. At least they made him more interesting that I thought he would be in the beginning.

Sam was also relegated to a much minor role this season (on one hand, the show has a big cast, and if you want some secondary characters to have more space - I'm thinking of Colin especially - you have to take out something else; but on the other, this could have been handled better). "His" episode felt so empty that you could take it out without changing much of the narrative structure of the season. His father was everything we thought he would be and more, and kudos for him not being a Ted-like character.

I kinda wished they would have ignored Rupert after the Akufo episode. I hated that they were showing his human side, but at the end of the episode I thought they were actually going for a very clever choice: he was this larger than life villain in Rebecca's mind, but in the end he's just an aging man, losing power and influence, fading out of everyone's memory. But no, they had to have the wife and mistress rebellion, the re-evilification, the loss of control, the crowd yelling "wanker" at him. I get the parallel, but I don't like it.

I am actually quite happy at Tedbecca not being canon. They had this amazing connection, they changed each other (though as I said above… it was mostly Ted changing Rebecca, not so much the other way around), their relationship was a life altering event. And it was NOT romantic. Sorry not sorry but I love this. I love a show that says that you don't have to be in love to love someone.

Also in general the season felt a little cartoonish. The characters were always on the brink of being caricatures of themselves (and, in the case of the himbos, many times it was not just being on the brink). Amazingly poignant moments followed by silly jokes or wildly out of characters stuff.

I watched the season finale on my way to work wednesday morning because I just couldn't wait. When the episode ended I was crying on a bench, filled with emotion. I know that probably reading what I wrote above it seems like I disliked a lot of things, but I also didn't? There were a lot of good things as well. A lot of love. This show will always have a special place in my heart, no matter the disappointments.

I just wish they could make a season 2 and 3 that fulfilled the promise of season 1. But I also think it was nearly impossible because… season 1 was written pre-covid. It was a different world.