#i'm able to distract myself for a second and then when i'm alone with my thoughts it all rushes back to me

[luckyagain]

.

[hearts4chriss]

Texas baby.

Angry!Boyfriend Chris x Needy Poc! Girlfriend

prompt: while Chris is filming with his brothers and Sam and Colby you send me a bunch of thirsty texts and images to distract him. Fortunately and unfortunately it works but at what cost?

Part 7

Contains: PURE FILTHY SMUT! humiliation, semi-public, balcony sex, ROUGH! CHRIS, degrading, hair pulling, dacryphilia, overstimulation, use of pet names, hair pulling, ass slapping, choking, photography, dirty talk, spanking, heavy aftercare

A/n: THIS IS DEDICATED TO THE AMAZING & TALENTED GIRL @luv4kozume I LOVE U SO MUCH MAMA ( my mother ) THANK YOU SOOO MUCH FOR ALWAYS BEING THERE IM SO GLAD I FOUND U AND IM SO PROUD OF YOU UR ALMOST @2k🤭🤭

Damnit Chris

Chris Matt and nick were here in Texas to film a collab w Sam and colby and he begged me to come along.

But since he left I’ve been feeling soooo horny for him, I haven’t been able to get him alone of course since he’s here for the collab and I wanted him to explore where I’m from ( surprise :) )

But it’s his fault, he’s been doing things in purpose.

The way he’d hug me from behind pressing his boner into my ass, the way he’d “accidently” grab my tit whenever I’d be out with him and his brothers since we got here.

Oh and his little flirty comments,

“Sorry sweetheart, my fault princess, you need something ma?, you look so pretty mama” all his stupid shit now has me wet and I can’t do anything for hours until he gets back

I had an idea. I was gonna make him pay

I knew how Chris felt whenever I teased him in public, which is exactly why I sent it. It would always end in really, really rough sex.

But we were in a hotel so I'm not sure how this would go but since he was filming with Sam and Colby I hope he doesn't get too upset.

Chris Pov

I was with my brothers and sam and colby as I had just seen the last of my girls texts.

My dick pressed achingly against my pants I swore I felt pre-cum in my boxers. those fucking pictures.

And it only got worse as I tried fixing myself when they weren't looking, just the though of her sitting on the hotel bed in a thong and a sheer black robe covering her made me almost nut in my pants.

I could not wait to bend her over the balcony and fuck her so good, let everyone know shes mine.

Throughout the rest of us filming, I began to get angry and even more pissed off with her sending me those.

She had me turned on, for hours, knowing I couldn't do shit about it.

I was gonna ruin that ass the second I got back. She wants to act like a slut? i'll fuck her like one.

1:27am

I was still awake, I had been laying on the bed before I heard the hotel room door open.

“Hey baby how filming.” I said turning around giving him a clear view of my plump breasts through the sheer material along with the thong hugging at my hips he tried to regain focus.

“You think that shits funny? Sending me that while im in public and making me hard hm?” He spoke in almost a growl his hand wrapping around my throat squeezing a bit and I shook my head and squeezed harder.

“N-no I-dont mphm think its funny-“ I choked out and he let out a scoff before releasing his grip.

“Outside, balcony, bend over.” Was what he instructed and I did so removing the robe walking outside as he followed me smacking my ass and I whimpered

“Faster, slut you wanna get fucked so bad I suggest you move quicker.” Chris said with a teasing tone as I scurried outside bending over and resting my arms on the rails the cool breeze hitting my nipples as they hardened.

“You know what's coming now baby?” Chris spoke in almost a baby-like voice rubbing his hands over the curves of my ass.

before I could speak he lays a harsh smack across my ass I jolt forward gripping onto the rail tightly.

“Don't make a sound yeah? Just be a good girl.” He speaks leaving a kiss on my neck before leaving another smack

“Your, smack, such, smack, a, smack, fucking, smack, slut, smack.” Chris said quickly through gritted teeth as I bit my lip from any groans or whimpers, also ignoring the way my pussy throbbed each time he smacked my ass.

“Fuck-“ he says under his breath fumbling with his pants undoing his belt letting his pants fall to the ground kicking them off before sliding down my thong letting his dick slap on my ass spreading the pre-cum a bit.

“You think you deserved to be fucked?” Think you deserve my cock hm? He said waiting for my answer as I tried to form the words he got irritated smacking my ass.

“You better answer me sweetheart, or you won't even get the tip.” Chris said in a mocking tone.

“P-please Chris- I'm sorry I-promise-“ I choke out my words falling out all over the place and he chuckles spreading my legs before forcing all of him inside me.

He normally would give me time to adjust but he was fucking pissed, he immediately began ramming into my pussy balls deep inside me, his hand grasping my shoulder making it easier to thrust.

“O-oh f-fucking shit Chris!” my jaw slack moaning his name loudly almost forgetting we were outside, but it felt so euphoric feeling him so far gone inside me.

“shit ma so fuckin tight on my dick, such a slut.” He grunted continuing to abuse my cunt letting it coat his cock easily sliding in and out, well pounding.

at the pace he was going, I could cum in probably a minute or two, and I knew chris was gonna make me his cum slut for my behaviour just a few hours ago, I was so fucked.

“shit shit- fuck!- feels so fucking good oh shitt!” I screamed biting my lip from my moans bound to has granted us a noise complaint but boy he did not like.

“Open your fucking mouth, you wanted this right? For me to fuck you like the whore you are?” He said smacking my ass again inserting his fingers into my mouth through my lips.

He continued his pace whilst I made a mess on his fingers from how hard and rough he was going I couldn't keep up as I drooled on his fingers, my ass slapping hard and quick on his pelvis allowing his cock to hit my g-spot every thrust, my stomach already gained the familiar sensation.

“Look at that, already about to cum so pathetic baby.” He chuckles removing his fingers from my mouth so he could pull my hair tightly thrusting harder making a clapping senation.

“FUCK im cumming f-fuck-“ cries of his name flew from my parted lips as my cum began dripping down his length allowing his warm thick load to shoot inside me, but he didn't even slow his pace allowing my eyes to shoot up from sensitivity.

“S-sensitive Chris!” I cried out gripping tightly on the balcony rails and feeling my legs already close in before he reached down spreading them apart leaning over to my ear.

“Nu-uh sweetheart, you wanted this remember?” He mocked leaving a lick on the sensitive spot on my neck making my breath hitch like he knew it would letting his cock ram deep inside me as our cum mixed creating a stick sound.

“such a dirty slut for me aren't you.” He sighs deeply allowing his eyes to roll back at the sight of me so fucked out on his cock.

“F-fuck yes yes- such a slut for you Chris-“ I cry out resting my head sideways on the rails and squeezing my eyes shut to let my mind drift away as it clouded it up from how he was fucking the shit out of me.

“Good girl, so fucking good f'me.” Chris's voice dropped an octave as he was so focused on fucking me till I saw stars it felt, thats when, The sticky sounding was replaced by a squelching wet sensation.

“Fuckk chris- I-“ I groaned my legs quivering as I began squirting over his cock and lower stomach, I could've sworn he would have stopped by now but he didn't

“oh god-“ I said feeling my eyes well up with tears as my legs nearly caved in at the overstimulation and he chuckle admiring how my wetness glistened in the faint light of the moon on the balcony.

“Love this fuckin pussy so much, fits so perfectly around me-“ chris moaned his brown locks sticking to his forehead as his arm wrapped around my torso to squeeze my tit making me whimper my legs began to shake a bit.

“come on ma one more, being such a good girl.” He praises his hand reaching down to rub my puffy clit chuckling at the heat of it as I squirmed tears falling down my face from the overwhelming pleasure.

Chris reached over to the hair grabbing phone putting it side ways and recording in front of me.

“Tell everyone how much a whore you were acting baby hm?” He said still thrusting deeply inside me.

“I-fuck- s-such a whore- for y-you-“ I said panting, almost like a dog my tears on my cheeks as I could hardly form a sentence.

Fucked her so good she can barley speak, fucked her dumb with my cock. He chuckled looking at the camera before setting it down as I could barley support my body weight at this point, my orgasm quickly was approaching.

“Oh fuck fuck I-its- so close-“ My toes curled into the ground allowing everything to entirely take over as I couldn't even process what was happening.

“fuck baby- cum, all over this dick.” He groans his teeth grazing over my shoulder as I shutter in his grasp.

“FUCK- C-cumming s-so fucking good-“ I squealed as I began to cream his dick for the 3rd time as he slowed his thrusts just enough so he could finish inside me again before slowly pulling out.

I try and hold my body up for a bit before chris pulls me into him, my chest heaving as my tears stained my face, our cum dripping out of my abused pussy and my body covered in a thin layer of sweat.

“F-fuck Chris-“ I shake against the balcony rails barely holding myself up before Chris rubbed my shoulder placing a kiss.

“Shh I got you baby.” He whispered in a comforting voice gently picking me up bridle style allowing my head to rest on his chest as he carried me to the bathroom allowing a bath to run for me.

He got a warm cloth pushing my legs apart cleaning my inner thighs first since I'd be more sensitive in between.

“You ready? let me know if it's too much okay?” Chris kissed my forehead and I nodded as he cautiously pressed the warm cloth to my heat cleaning me up being careful to not make me wince.

My bath was ready so he held me again placing me in as i sigh leaning against the back of his as He sat behind me.

“Want me to take ur hair out mama?” or do you wanna keep it in.

“T-take it out.” I sigh tiredly and he smiles grabbing the baby scissors.

He was precise and careful taking my weeve out, I made sure to teach him how to do it so he wouldn't cut my hair and he didn't

Once taken out he undid the braids underneath it beginning to givev my scalp a small massage and I rest my head in his hands.

Your hairs gorgeous baby. He says quietly and I look at him and smile.

Eventually he got me out the bath allowing me to dry off with some support, he carried me to our bed.

“Here you go.” chris smiles handing me a pair of panties and one of his T shirts.

“I'll be right back okay?” He says and I nod as he leaves the room and I’m confused but I’m honestly too tired to even think

I put my bonnet on and wait for him

around 5 minutes later chris comes back with two cokes and a bag of takis.

“I know these are your favorite snacks so.” He shrugs handing them to me before taking off his shirt climbing into the bed with me in his grey sweats.

Thank you. I smile at him

“Of course ma, come here.” He says and I get closer to him laying my head on his chest.

“Thank you for taking such good care of me baby.” I say tiredly and he chuckled.

“Oh don't thank me, it’s my job sweetheart to do that and make you feel so good and plus I think we woke everyone up anyway.” He chuckles

“Oh shit- probably.” I shake my head as we both errupted into laughter.

The rest of that night ( 20 minutes )consisted of us watching TV and eating my snacks before I drifted off to sleep 20 minutes later.

“Goodnight gorgeous.”Chris mutters leaving a kiss to my clothed shoulder turning of the lights cuddling me as we fell asleep.

Taglisttt

@mattsleftnipple03 @bernardsleftbootycheek @sturniolopowers @gdsvhtwa @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @worldlxvlys @chrisslut25 @princessbetsy123-blog @mattslolita @guccifrog @blahbel668 @mattsneezing @trickywritters @hearts4chris

@nonamegirlxsturniolo @luvmxtt @theyluv-meee @mattsnymphette @hoesformatt @luv4kozume @kikisturnioloo @itzdarling @pepsiimaxx @babyddolly @iiheartstef @junnniiieee07 @ratatioulle @ast3ro1dzz @sturniolowhore @st7rnioioss @emma4eva @braindead4l @ihearttsyouu @blondiesjailer @kqyslyho3 @sturnsfav @sunsetsturniolos @stqrnstars @dlyansworld @chrisloyalgf @soimightlikeoldmen69 @abbie13sworld @lacysturniolo @sturniol0s @chrissgirlsstuff @leah-loves-lilies @luhsexcbihh @nicksmainbitch

[turbulentscrawl]

Heyy! Could you write a most-to-least compatible with a clingy!reader with the survivors maybe?

I love your works and find myself rereading them a lot, they're really stellar!! •v•

Thank you, I'm glad you like my work!! (I added Ithaqua, I couldn't resist)

Emma wants to be with you all hours of the day, craves it. She wants to never be alone again. If you want the same, then it’s nothing short of a match made in heaven, right?

(Bonus) Ithaqua is not #1 only because he doesn’t like if you get desperate about him having to leave for matches. Like, first of all, he doesn’t get a say and there’s nothing he can do. Second of all, he enjoys terrorizing the little survivors. This is his Me-Time. Any other time he adores having you wrapped around his finger—and a little separation pouting is endearing, but any more than that and he gets frustrated.

Eli is incredibly patient. He loves your company and doesn’t mind a shadow most of the time. But as he’s somewhat of a figurehead and confidant in the manor, he will sometimes need private time with other inhabitants. It’s for their privacy, you see, surely you understand. Otherwise, he doesn’t mind you sticking by his side!

Andrew won’t ever say it, but you liking his company so much sooths a lot of his soul-aches and worries. He does like some occasional quiet time, but otherwise he likes that you would choose time with him over time alone.

Antonio loves his darling’s company…but he also knows it’s important to give his friends some quality time too. (And he has a good amount of friends, despite fate’s intentions.) It’s only fair, right? Surely you can wait a bit. He’ll find you again later to share a bottle of wine.

Ganji similarly likes a good amount of time with his partner…but he’s also quite used to being alone and gets irritable when he doesn’t get any decompression time alone. Make sure he gets like five hours to do his own thing, and he’ll be alright the rest of the time.

Melly doesn’t know what to do with you most of the time. It’s not that she dislikes having you around, but rather she feels awkward. Is she…supposed to be doing something with you? Is she expected to entertain you? She’ll deal with this better after some reassurance and comfort, but otherwise struggles with subconscious expectations about her duties as a partner.

Emily can appreciate clinginess from a medical standpoint. You’ve got some abandonment wounds, yes? You’re afraid of being left behind. She will do her best to accommodate you, but unfortunately she has to work the infirmary most nights and you can’t just loiter in there. Respect her work hours and she’ll make it work the rest of the time.

Orpheus is busy with his own things a good chunk of the time, but as long as it’s not anything private he doesn’t mind sharing space with you. You can even sit on his lap while he’s busy writing…just don’t distract him with inane chatter. And when he says he’s busy, respect that.

Norton avoids you for your own good, alright? Don’t make this difficult. He’s not answering any questions about the hows and the whys, and begging will get you nowhere. When he’s able to have you around, rest assured he’ll be around. He wants to be around you. But whenever he leaves you be, it’s because you’re safer that way.

Luchino also has work. Even in the manor, he’s not giving up on his research, his life’s work. It’s better if you let him come to you. Make plans with him; he’ll never be late, never forget you. But he has work and even as his s/o you can’t be allowed to distract him.

[kassiekole22]

At First Sight

Pairing: Syzoth X Fem!Reader Description: On a mission to cause a great diversion, Syzoth gets distracted when he lays eyes on a gorgeous woman who sits all alone at one of her family's biggest festivals.  Warnings: None... Word Count: 508 A/N: I'm sorry this turned out so short. I didn't know how far I could go with this, especially since I wrote the first fic before watching the game. So I tried to keep the reason he was there discreet so it would make sense for both my story and the canon story. But I'd be willing to do a part two where it fits in with the canon storyline, if that's what you guys want. Anyway, more Syzoth x Fem!Reader requests are coming soon. 💚 Main MasterList: 🖤 Kassie's Angels: @lorebite, @mornandil, @bihansthot, @katiralovely, @queenkhepri, @blackbunnymayw, @simpforhotmaskedmen, @theleftkittycollection, @kiashines. (If you want to be added to the taglist, let me know in the comments! 🖤)

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As soon as my feet touched the shingles of the roof, I was on the run. I scurried across as fast as I could before stopping at the very edge and looking below to see if I had been noticed. Fortunately, everyone was too busy enjoying their time at some festival the royals had thrown. Everyone danced and mingled with each other without a single care disturbing their perfect night. For a moment, I pondered what it would be like if I was able to do that with my people — to be one with them once again — but I knew that would never happen; that was just the sad truth.

I shook myself out of my moment of reflection before turning back to my mission, since this was clearly no time to be taking my mind away from it. So I waited and watched on the rooftop, studying everything below me and trying to decide where and when it would be best to cause my diversion. Everybody was heavily distracted with dancing and talking with their friends and family so I decided that now was the best time to make my first move, but then my eyes landed upon someone different.

A young girl — dressed in a beautiful (favorite color) dress with her hair done all up — sat alone with a rather melancholy expression etched on her features. In fact, she seemed to have no desire to participate in her people's antics at all. She looked too rich to be a normal lower-class person like the others surrounding her, so I figured she was a part of the royal family. But what I didn't understand was why she seemed so down and... Alone.

It was a moment that I was grateful that one of my Zaterran abilities was brilliant sight, so I could see every detail of her — the way her eyebrows turned up due to sorrow, her pink lips forming a straight line until she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, her beautiful (E/C) eyes twinkling under the lanterns' light — she truly was a sight to behold.

I watched her patterns for a moment — watched how she slowly brought her drink to her lips every minute or so and how she nervously played with the few strains of hair that fell gracefully over her shoulder. It was as if everything she did — even the most natural things known to her kind — were done in the most beautiful way. I could feel my heart beating faster and faster by the second and then when I got that burning desire to be near her and never far from her presence, I realized that she was the one. I just had to have her all to myself.

I wanted to learn more about her; I had to… Soon. But for the time being, I had to finish my mission. It was too important to let anything distract me from it, no matter how beautiful the distraction may be. Maybe once the fire is out and the smoke is cleared, I'll see the beauty once again.

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[justanotherwriter140]

Kung Fu Panda 4 - The Movie

The last really, really long discussion post (for now).

Major spoilers ahead!

This review is full of spoilers, so please refrain from reading through it until you've watched KFP4. I would highly suggest doing so, as I want everyone to form their own opinions without my influence. The movie has its flaws (some of which admittedly being a bit distracting), but it's a fun film that has things to offer.

Kung Fu Panda 4 is a fun movie (take that as you will) that takes its audience on an action-packed, surprisingly funny, yet relatively contained adventure on which Po doesn't really do much. It's an inconsequential, safe sequel that doesn't really hurt the franchise but adds close to nothing.

I had a good time watching the movie. It was obviously produced with its theater experience in mind and the action scenes especially reflected that priority. The humor was actually funny sometimes and I enjoyed Po and Zhen's dynamic. During the film, I was able to put most (most!) of my grievances aside and take the movie for what it is. I've discovered that the best way to watch KFP4 is with low expectations and an open mind.

I have a lot of things to say about KFP4, both complaints and compliments (though the former might be taking the forefront in this review), and I hope this review can help those of you who have seen the movie organize your thoughts. I've been having a lot of trouble with that specific aspect of things myself. Those who get it get it.

With that said, let's get into my full review of KFP4! I've been waiting for nearly 2 years to write this and I'm so excited to share every single thought.

I'm going to follow the format of my first discussion post and curate a bulleted list of my thoughts, followed by an analysis of each of these points. Keep in mind that everything I say is IMO and this is more of a rant post than anything else.

Here are my main points:

The Furious Five's role is comically minuscule in the context of the film. Their actions are inconsequential and add nothing to the plot (a confirmed last-minute add), and they have 30~ seconds of screen time. Shifu is also largely irrelevant.

Mr. Ping and Li's presence has little to no effect on the movie (though I won't complain too much because they were pretty fun to watch and this movie has bigger problems). In almost any scenario, I am adamantly against having characters present that don't add anything to the narrative; however, Mr. Ping is an exception. I love Mr. Ping. James Hong is a gem.

Zhen's screen time is not utilized well and her character is underdeveloped. She definitely wasn't annoying, but I didn't find her either compelling or funny enough to warrant the screen time she was given, especially considering it wasn't used to establish a backstory/strong motives. This makes me feel bad for the character because the movie kind of screwed her out of any substantial development.

The Chameleon, while complimented greatly by Viola Davis, is an underwhelming villain. Viola Davis is amazing in this film and I would suggest watching it for her performance if for nothing else, but the Chameleon is underwhelming considering the super cool concept behind the character.

The film feels very rushed. Apologies to those who disagree, but I think the pacing is atrocious and the final fight is anticlimactic. The movie felt like a word-vomit with no discernible intermissions that stops abruptly when the film ends.

I felt as though Po didn't change/grow as a person and the audience never had a chance to either bond with or relate to his character. His internal struggle is kept to a minimum and we don't spend a moment alone with him as an audience, which is disorienting and distracting. Watching the film felt like running into an old friend at the store who's too in a rush to have a real conversation.

The action scenes were strong with few exceptions. Creative art direction was utilized and I thought the martial arts choreography was entertaining and dynamic. I love the color palette of the film and many scenes were very impressive visually.

With my main points established, I do believe it's ranting time. Strap in, folks.

Let's start strong with the Furious Five: I'm gutted. Chagrined, despondent, crestfallen, etc.

The lack of the Furious Five negatively affects KFP4 so much, because not only does their absence hurt the atmospheric integrity of KFP as a franchise, it also forces KFP4 to bring in a slew of different characters—all while still noncommittally including the FF at the very end because I believe the marketing team required it—that clog up the cast a bit. It all goes to show how important strong, established side characters are.

The Furious Five are side characters, but the role of "side character" does not equate to being irrelevant, expendable, or exchangeable. I recognize that the Furious Five aren't super developed as characters beyond a handful of lines that allude to traits sprinkled sparingly among the members; however, I believe that the tiny bits of development we have been given have proved impactful in the past. Tigress's development in KFP2 is a prime example of how much narratively conscious changes (however small they may be) can positively affect these movies.

Because of limited runtimes, the Furious Five often operate as more of a singular unit than five individuals. Even so, I don't think discarding them is valid. They're so important to the KFP universe (to Po's universe!) and not having them with him feels so wrong. The Furious Five are fully integral to the heart of Kung Fu Panda, which is why I believe a lot of those who have seen the new movie have expressed something feeling "off" or something being missing.

I agree with this sentiment. To me, KFP4 didn't feel like a KFP movie. I don't need a Furious Five spin-off movie and I can be fully content with a KFP5 centered around Po's journey as an individual as was intended from the beginning, but he can't carry an entire movie on his back. As strong as he is in every sense of the word, he is only one character. He's the centerpiece of the franchise, but a centerpiece can only go so far without the rest of the design, so to speak.

For me, the Furious Five's absence is one of this film's biggest faults. It's huge and glaring. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, either, because the friends with whom I saw the film refused to talk about any other aspect of the movie after seeing it. Seeing them at the end was better than nothing, of course, but it was a disappointing culmination after eight years of waiting.

That all is to say I feel robbed. Despite all of this, though, I understand that there were reasons why the Furious Five weren't included in the movie. I don't believe the production team would exclude the Furious Five unless they weren't given a choice.

Shifu and Po's dynamic continues to be thoroughly delightful but their interactions are short and simplified. I would have loved to see more of them in this film, especially considering the extreme relevance of teacher-student relationships in KFP4. I (somewhat) digress, though, because the idea of Shifu having to live at the Jade Palace with only Po for an extended period of time is hilarious enough on its own. Maybe that's what the short film is about!

The comedy is odd but has some jokes that stand out. Po maintains a healthy relationship with his inner sass, which I think makes him more fun to watch and kind of eradicates the man-child verdict. Some jokes don't land, of course, but I genuinely thought KFP4 had some funny moments. Mr. Ping was consistently awesome and Po had some good lines sprinkled throughout the film.

As for Mr. Ping, he and Li Shan are the subjects of the film's B-plot as they follow Po to Juniper City out of shared concern for their son's safety. In my mind, they don't add anything to the story that couldn't have been brought about by other characters, but they had their moments of being entertaining. I enjoyed their silliness and thought they had a cute dynamic if nothing else.

Speaking of other characters, I want to discuss KFP4's deuteragonist and why I genuinely feel bad about the way her character was treated.

I want to let it be known that I'm still not on board with Po passing the Dragon Warrior torch to another character. While I agree that his arc is now calling for him to have a student, I disagree with the notion of him retiring from his DW role.

As I stated in my first discussion post:

Didn’t the initial significance and nuance of the title come from the fact that there is only one person who can be the Dragon Warrior, because the concept of the “Dragon Warrior” isn’t so much a title as it is Po himself? The universe (Oogway) must choose the Dragon Warrior because they are a singular being of legend. It is one person, and that person is Po. Wasn’t the point of the first film that the title ultimately doesn’t really matter because there is no “secret ingredient,” so to speak? The title doesn’t actually give Po anything. “It’s just you,” Po says, and that was the resolution.

When it comes to Zhen as a character, contrary to what I predicted I would think of her, I thought she was okay. While I was still a bit distracted by how out-of-place her design looks, I wasn't truly annoyed by her at any point and she and Po had some cute moments. Even so, I think their relationship could have been a bit more refined and developed.

While it's evident that Po and Zhen are meant to have a teacher-student/mentor-apprentice dynamic, I think their relationship feels half-baked. There were parallels that contradicted one another and ended up being confusing come the film's conclusion, and the nature of their relationship seems to vacillate depending on the scene. Additionally, the strength of their bond goes from zero to one hundred within thirty-ish minutes and left me with a bit of whiplash.

We're shown that Po and Zhen care about one another, but we're never shown why. They have a brief conversation during which they bond over being orphans, and Zhen says at one point, "You're actually a good guy," but that's it. This obvious lack of development is a bit disorienting because we're later led to believe that Zhen and Po care very deeply for one another when there's almost nothing to back it up.

A scene that sticks out to me when discussing this is when Zhen attack-hugs Po in a way that explicitly mirrors Tigress's hug from KFP2. This happens around the beginning of the third act, and while it had the potential to be an endearing moment, I think it fell flat.

The impact of Tigress's hug was brought on by her character's hardcore nature and reputation of being heartless, further strengthened with the knowledge that she was hugging Po (which was obviously way outside her comfort zone) as a show of companionship and fundamental understanding. Tigress hugged Po because he needed someone to recognize his strive for closure.

Zhen's hug had little to no impact because she had no reason to do it and it didn't indicate growth. She hugs Po because she's sorry for betraying him and doesn't want him to be killed by the Chameleon, but neither of these things are newly-established via this hug; we have already gathered by now that Zhen regrets betraying Po and doesn't want him to get hurt.

The hug is far from the movie's weakest point, but I think it's unnecessary given the context. I'm big on hugs in movies (an underutilized form of platonic affection, in my opinion), but it didn't fit here. I don't hate it, and I see it as an honest effort to bring emotionality to Po and Zhen's relationship, but it seems arbitrary.

Zhen and Po's relationship has a lot of potential and I'd be open to seeing more of them in the future, but I think some more thoughtful development needs to occur before I can humor it further. Even so, I can see myself featuring Zhen in some future post-KFP4 one-shots—sparingly, of course, because we have a lot of Furious Five content to compensate for.

Overall, they had a cute dynamic and some sweet moments but I'm not attached. I'm on board with Po having a student but I think their relationship needs a lot more development, something that this film unfortunately didn't give them time to either accomplish or earn.

Now, onto the Chameleon!

The concept of the Chameleon's character is admittedly super interesting. She's the deuteragonist's fastidious mother figure who feels that Zhen owes her a debt and as a result holds her to an impossible standard. That dynamic had the potential to be so interesting but I didn't think it was explored at all. There is no indication of Zhen having any internal conflict about fighting the Chameleon, no emotional complexity between them at all; it's disappointing because I think it would've added a bit of earnestness to the film.

Additionally, the idea of a shape-shifting villain is versatile. A shape-shifting villain gives those telling the story a lot of room to experiment with the protagonist and different ways in which the main character can be challenged and tested. It's yet another good idea utilized poorly. Just one idea: the Chameleon could have disguised herself as one (or several) of Po's family, friends, etc. and brought to fruition a new arc with his character (seeing as he arguably doesn't have one in this film), but she only disguises herself as Zhen very briefly in the movie.

Furthermore, the Chameleon completely relies on the powers of previous villains to pose any sort of threat to the main characters. She summons Po's former nemeses from the Spirit Realm (despite there being little logic in doing so considering Kai's literal evisceration) and takes their kung fu abilities for herself.

An excerpt from my first KFP4 discussion post that I think is relevant to the point I'm trying to make:

I don’t think it would be in the best interest of anyone if the past villains were to come back in any way that’s not a flashback (even then, I’m not sure I’d see the point). In all honesty, I thought that the whole point of the villains was that they died and stayed dead. They were defeated by Po once and for all as a testament to the idea of establishing Po's character growth and journey as a person through the bad things he’s able to overcome. It’d be highly contradictory to the messages of the other films if these villains were to suddenly come back.

While there was an honest effort made to portray the Chameleon as intimidating, I never felt as though any of the characters were endangered by either her or her army of lizard henchman. She's a visually appealing character (aside from her eyes, which I thought more resembled those of a gecko than a chameleon) and I greatly enjoyed Davis's performance, but overall I don't see the Chameleon as a notable villain.

The return of Tai Lung (had he been on his own) had the makings to be an excellent story, especially considering the importance of teacher-student dynamics in KFP4. To see him interacting with Shifu would have been incredible and could have led to further closure on Tai Lung's end (because I think that's kind of what the team was going for anyway), but it didn't happen.

It was nice to see Ian McShane reprise his role, but I wish Tai Lung's characterization had been more reminiscent of the way he was in the first film and more complimentary of his overall character arc. Tai Lung isn't a one-dimensional villain with a singular goal and motivation, and I couldn't help but feel as though the complexity of his character was simplified for the sake of KFP4's narrative.

Tai Lung's presence in KFP4 may be odd, but Shen and Kai's appearances are even more so. Kai, if I remember correctly, was fully obliterated by Po, reduced to literal particles on screen (which is kind of wild now that I think about it). Shen being in the Spirit Realm makes sense all things considered; however, Po and Li had no visible reaction to his presence, which seemed a bit unlikely considering Shen's deeds. This plot hole can likely be attributed to the fact that Shen and Kai's cameos (to my knowledge) were last-minute additions to the movie.

I have to talk about the pacing. I have to. I'm sorry, bear with me.

To me, the film's pacing is erratic and disconcerting. While I can appreciate a quick-moving narrative that doesn't dawdle on storylines that aren't interesting/important, KFP4 kind of flings itself too far in the opposite direction and ends up being frighteningly fast-paced. Once the credits began, I felt like I had been holding my breath for the entire movie.

KFP4 is confusing because while the runtime is standard for a KFP movie, it feels incredibly short. At the same time, the film's story moves at a breakneck speed and leaves little time for heart and development. These things culminate into a barreling boulder of a movie that simply doesn't have time to let its characters, story, or audience take a breath.

A fast pace is not inherently negative, but I don't think it worked in the favor of KFP4. The KFP franchise has always been very emotionally grounded (and just very grounded in general), so to see a film in which emotion/heart takes an aggressive backseat in comparison to action and comedy is jarring. While I think it's unreasonable for fans to expect the same emotional integrity as the original films to be present in the current and upcoming ones, I still think there's room for Po to grow and I felt as though the notion of him developing further was brushed aside in this film.

As for Po's growth, I felt it was nearly nonexistent. The previous trilogy wrapped up his character's journey beautifully and I know that KFP4 was bound to struggle with this particular aspect of making another KFP film; however, just because the strongest pillars of Po's character are established doesn't serve as a valid excuse to reverse his development and repeat what he learned in KFP3.

In KFP3, Po learned firsthand that he is capable of spreading wisdom and teaching kung fu. He also learns that he is constantly growing and that change is inevitable; there is always something more to learn.

"If you only do what you can do, you will never be more than you are now."

"I don't want to be anything more, I like who I am!"

In KFP4, Po pushes against this narrative despite fully accepting it in KFP3, actively reversing crucial parts of his character development achieved in the latter. KFP3 was non-ambiguously about learning to cope with change and responsibility, and I can't help but feel like KFP4 is simply copying this message while not adding anything to it.

Additionally, I felt that KFP4's Po generally felt less personal than he has in the past. In every KFP movie up to the franchise's most recent addition, I felt very connected to Po as an audience member. I felt like I was truly seeing the world of KFP through his eyes. I consider this to be one of the franchise's most impressive feats; it's incredibly difficult to build a universe around a character without making the audience feel limited to one perspective and one part of the world.

With KFP4, I felt both limited and disconnected. The world didn't feel as vast and all-encompassing as it has in the past and Po didn't seem fully like himself. This could be me nitpicking (as I'm prone to do), but I can't recall a single moment in the movie in which Po was alone on screen. Scenes like these are crucial for me because I see them as a meet-cute between the character and the audience, a moment for us to cross the bridge into their world in a way that's silent and intuitive. These little bonding moments are absolutely integral to feeling connected to a character.

Po's dream sequence in the first KFP movie is one of the best examples of this. It presents his aspirations, alludes to his way of life up to the point of the movie, and showcases his personality. During Po's dream sequence, the audience is quite literally inside Po's mind; we're there with him, seeing what he sees, subsequently feeling what he feels. Po is a dreamer at heart and makes the audience feel like dreamers, too.

In KFP4, I felt like I little to no point of reference when it comes to how Po was feeling. I didn't feel immersed in him and his world.

I know I've been very "doom and gloom" throughout this post, which is an exhausting mindset for everyone involved. I want to end my critique with something positive because I think some praise is deserved. Let's just say the movie could have been a lot worse, the details of which I'm sure you're all well aware.

Congratulations, you've reached the end! Thank you so much to all of you who took the time to read this unnecessarily long and detailed review. As long as I help someone translate their conflicted feelings into coherent thoughts, I'll call it a win.

KFP4 has its flaws and there are a lot of aspects that I dislike, but the I greatly admire and respect the hard work put into the film by those of the crew who put their efforts forward and tried their best to make it work. This does not at all excuse my issues with the movie, but it's worth saying.

As for the future of the series, I only hope that the next installment is more considerate of the franchise's origins and why Po's story is being told in the first place. I fully believe that another sequel could be good (even great!), but only given a strong, passionate crew with a great understanding of the characters and world (and I wouldn't be averse to some previous directors returning, just to put it out there).

Thanks again to those who took the time to read this crazy excuse for a movie review. Feel free to either disagree with me or add things in the replies/reblogs, I'm always looking for more thoughts to think.

Until next time!

[simlicious]

Personal update about my anxiety

Time for another personal update! At the moment, I'm not really in a creative mood and my projects are all resting.

I am working on more stuff in my real life, including cleaning/decluttering my apartment and working through an anxiety app which will hopefully get me to start exposure (though I shudder at the thought alone). The funny thing is, the app is for social anxiety, and I do have some social anxiety, but I think I mainly have agoraphobia (but there is no medical app available for this at the moment, so I took the next best thing). The app said: "Let's make a gradual steps plan, you first choose a very easy step, then one that is a little harder and harder, and so on until the hardest step comes at the top." And for the easiest step, it actually suggested one of my hardest steps: going into a store, buying something, and interacting with the cashier. Checkouts give me such anxiety. I once had a full-blown panic attack because I couldn't remember the PIN number for my credit or debit card. And I very rarely get panic attacks. Luckily, my brother was present and he was able to pay for me while I almost hyperventilated and tears were streaming down my face. Generally, I start sweating and get shaky hands which does not help while handling cards and remembering pin numbers. I get tunnel vision and cannot focus on anything that is going on around me. Sometimes, blood rushes in my ears so I have a hard time picking up whether someone is saying anything. Then, all items need to be put into bags at lightning speed, and I always fear that I am not fast enough and that everyone else in line is annoyed and angry with me and this makes me even more nervous. Putting things away with shaky hands is tough! So I send my boyfriend shopping for me or buy online most of the time. If I absolutely must, I can go shopping with one of my loved ones because I feel a tiny bit calmer and know I have a safety net with me. They can also help me put stuff in my bags. But alone? That's nightmare fuel for me. Same thing with using public transportation, I just can't do it. I also have a very hard time sitting in waiting rooms at the doctor's office, I get so tense and do not know what to do with myself. Oh, and I also have severe anxiety when I need to make a phone call 😫 But all that is seriously impacting my life, as you can imagine. And I want to change something.

Since the app is not helpful with suggestions for my gradually harder steps to take, I have to come up with my own, and it is harder than I thought! All the things I think about are really hard for me, I cannot think of less hard steps to take 😣 Even just going outside without a destination/going out by myself is also anxiety-inducing for me. I feel like I am watched all the time, I get tense and my thoughts start racing or going in circles. This also happens while I am in a store to shop for something. I get paralysed sometimes with decision fatigue and if someone else comes into the same aisle, I have the urge to run away instantly. I get so distracted that I need to spend way more time in a store than usual and this is of course not making me calmer. I am just super exhausted after going shopping! I am proud that I leave the house twice a week now to go for a walk with my best friend though. We have just established a second day of the week this year, and we still do not go twice every week, but pretty often, which is great. And I love to walk in nature, it calms me (if there aren't too many other people around). 😊 I am also making progress with my borked sleep cycle. I am a night owl 🦉, but being awake the whole night clashes a lot with my family's plans. I have tried for months to shift it, but in the last one to two weeks, I actually made real progress and went to bed 2 to 3 hours earlier than normal, which is really huge for me! I found out that there are lots of free audiobooks on YouTube that authors upload themselves. So one hour before I want to sleep, I put one on, set a shutdown timer of 60 minutes so it will turn off after that time, and then go to bed and listen to it until I fall asleep. This has motivated me enough to actually go to bed earlier.

As a result, I get more daylight and I am more inclined to do housework, which I also struggle with in general, so this is really great! I am focusing more on that now. I also started playing Subnautica again, but I can only play for a few hours on end because it can get pretty intense. I kinda want to play Sims 4 again (weird, I know). My anxiety app wants me to think more positively, so instead of thinking that it is no use updating my mods because the minute I do, another patch drops anyway and I have to start all over, I should think more positively. I will probably drop the game after playing for a day anyway, so it does not need to stay updated for long! Maybe downloading and updating mods is more fun than actually playing anyway? 😆

[hey-its-roseaurum]

Guilty Until Proven Innocent: Part II

A/N: Hello again everyone, it's been a minute. I couldn't post this part until @lainiespicewrites finished her part. This part was fun and extremely difficult to write, so if it ends up being a dumpster fire, then I'm sorry. Hopefully not. Anyway hope you enjoy it and let me know your thoughts.

Synopsis: After the agreement to work with Sherlock, Olivia was given an address to meet and discuss the plan. Once she arrives, she discovers something about Sherlock that not a lot of people get to see.

“221 Baker’s Street.  You didn’t mention that it would be on the second floor Sherlock”  I huffed to myself as I made my way up the stairs.  The night before Sherlock had briefly explained that I had to meet him at a specific location tomorrow.  He said he would give me all the information I needed.  When asked why he couldn’t mention it here, he mentioned he wanted to be safe before revealing crucial details about a case. 

So here I am, trudging up the stairs.  

And I hate every second of it.

But I push through my heavy breathing until I make it to the final step.  It wasn’t until I could breathe evenly that I knocked on the door.

A heavy pause lingered in the air before the door creaked open.

“You’re late.”  A gruff voice sliced the air.  Sherlock stood right in front of me, one hand on the door, the other holding a pipe.  

“Sorry.  I had a hard time finding this place.”  He stepped aside, leaving a glimpse of inside his flat.  A silent invitation.  “You never mentioned that this place was on the second floor.  Those stairs were brutal.”

“One should always have steps, to avoid people stepping on you.”  Sherlock merely stated, his eyes tracking my movements as I passed the threshold into his place.

“Umm…I’m not sure I entirely follow.  But I’m pretty sure-”  I stopped suddenly as my brain caught up with what was happening around me.  The hairs on my neck stood up as I felt my breath catch in my throat.  I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

Everything, even parts of the floor was consumed by documents of varying sizes.  Some were folded, some were ripped.  There were even some with tea stains.  Not one seat, save for one in the middle of the flat, wasn’t covered by some degree.

How can someone live, let alone work, in a place like this?

One of my main pet peeves is cleanliness.  It’s been instilled in me ever since I was able to move.  My mother always said that a clean house is a clear mind.  I tried my best to make my home as clean and decluttered as I could; even when I was at the small cottage.

But to see someone as put together on the outside live in such a state, especially someone like Sherlock Holmes,   says something about their mind…

I bit my bottom lip and drew my attention away from the mess and towards the smoke trailing behind Sherlock.  It took everything in my power to distract myself

“So…what is it that you need me to do exactly?”

Sherlock had traveled to the other side of the flat, completely avoiding the papers.  He puffed on his pipe, his face strained in thought. 

“There is a performance at The Reform tonight.  It appears to be a central location that the suspect likes to visit.  His latest victim had been a showgirl.  I need you to go in and see if you can retrieve any belongings of the two victims.”  My eyebrows creased together in question.

“Pardon?  Two questions.  You mentioned ‘latest victim’.  There’s more than one victim.  Why has it not been mentioned in the newspapers?  Two, if I go in, how do we know that their belongings are still there?  They could be gone by now.”  

“Due to the budget of the showroom and the amount of performers it takes to run a show, the items won’t be touched.  The show requires six performers to perform without any hindrance.  So far the show has five currently.  It will not run unless they have the right number of people to perform all of the acts.  The police haven’t connected the string of murders to one suspect yet.  They believe that there is no connection and no motive between the two.”  So there has been another murder, but it hasn’t been revealed to the public.  Why?  

It doesn’t make sense.  There was only one mention of a death that had claimed to be murder, at least from what I can recall.  The only other thing that has been repeatedly mentioned is about a new entertainment business coming to London.  It had been on the front page three consecutive times.  But the murders and the entertainment show can’t be connected, can they? 

“Olivia, have I lost you?”  Sherlock’s voice grew in my ears like thunder in a growing storm, shocking me out of my thoughts.

“NO!….no.”  I jerked my gaze to meet his.  My eyes trailed back to the ground and focused on each paper.  It took most of my attention to avoid stepping on any of the documents on the ground.  “Please continue.”  Sherlock stared at me momentarily, taking a puff of his pipe before continuing.

“I’ll need you to pose as one of the new dancers hired for the show.  You will be given access to their belongings.  Look for any personal belongings related to the victim, acquire them, and exit before the show begins.  Do you have any questions?”

“One question actually, um…if there are five performers and I’m posing as the sixth one, what is stopping the showrunner from putting me in the actual performance?”  I felt a slight quiver in my voice when the question left my lips.  My nerves felt like they were beginning to light on fire, and my breathing quickened with each passing thought of having to go on a stage.  

“Because there is a sixth performer.  You are to get in and leave before they arrive. Try not to run into them before you get what you need.”

“Oh…ok, great.”  I swallowed hard, feeling my anxiety growing.  How am I supposed to know what I’m supposed to grab?  I don’t know anything about the victim.  What if I take the wrong item?  What if I can’t even make it inside?  Even if I make it inside, there’s no guarantee that I won’t get caught.  If I did then everything would be for naught.  I’d end up in jail with no money to get bailed out.  I would let the victims’ families down, and let the murderer have another chance to strike.  Worst of all, I’d have the greatest detective in the world disappointed in me and regret ever allowing me to work with him.  

Keep it together Olivia.

“You look troubled.  What is it?”  His words sounded far away with the ringing in my ears.  I swallowed hard, trying to keep my composure.

“It’s nothing.  It’s not pertaining to the case.”  My voice felt out of place like it wasn’t me talking.  I felt like I wasn’t in my own body. I didn’t want Sherlock to know my doubts about this task.  We weren’t as close as I would like to be.  And the last thing I want is to show Sherlock how much of a mess I am inside.  He’d label me as just another person possessed by their own emotions.

I mean I sort of am but I didn’t want to divulge that with him.  It would just add to the list of things he’d be disappointed in.

Stop it

“I don’t want this to affect you when you are out there.  So please get it off your chest.”  There was a slight tilt to his head, his gaze analyzing me.  I could feel him already concluding that I was not cut out for something like this.

“It’s just…”  I trailed off.  How could I tell him that what I was about to do was crazy?  Everything I said when I was back at Edith’s place was completely spur of the moment.  At the time I genuinely thought that I would be able to pull something like this off.  Having it mere hours away from happening felt like I had been dowsed in ice water.

“Olivia.”  Just one word, my name, stilled my thoughts and pulled my attention to Sherlock.  His face had less of an edge to it like his demeanor had shifted and began to morph into something else.  I don’t know what it was but he almost appeared gentle and patient.  It was a complete contrast to what I saw several moments ago.  This was not the same Sherlock that had asked for help a fortnight ago.

This made it almost harder to speak.

“Okay, okay It’s just….” I bit my bottom lip, “why is your place so messy?”  I blurted out, completely changing the topic.  Maybe if I talk about something else I won’t have to show my doubts.

“It’s not messy.  Everything is where it needs to be.”  Sherlock appeared slightly taken aback by my sudden question.

“Right…that’s not what I’m seeing here.  It looks like you’ve just thrown around-”

“You’re changing the topic, Olivia.”  Shit…he knew what I was doing.  I guess I don’t have a choice…

“Okay fine.  I’m just worried about tonight, that’s all.”  A long sigh escaped my lips, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I don’t look like showgirl material.  I mean LOOK at me.”  I stretched out my arms showcasing all the bumps, dips, and curves of my body.  “There’s no way I would pass as one, let alone be able to get through the door.  People like me are the ones who listen to the music and the cheering outside the building.  I don’t want to let the victim's family down, or especially you.”  A heavy presence filled the air, choking the silence.  Sherlock just stared at me.  I don’t know if it was out of shock or if he was reconsidering his decision to bring me into this.  

I don’t care anymore.  I let my insecurity out and hung it up to dry for him to see.  

All he has to do is say the words and I’ll be on my way back to my little damp cottage.

“You know Olivia…”  Sherlock cleared his throat, saying, “It’s normal to feel anxious about an uncertain situation.”  He paused, taking a moment to place his pipe on a nearby table.  “I’m going to give you a piece of advice.  Out there, feelings and being emotional poses a risk.  It is understandable for you, given the danger you may face.  However if you feel like this is too difficult for you, then I won’t force you to do this.  I can find other routes to get what I acquire.  All you have to do is say the word.”

He’s giving me a choice. 

He knows that the situation can be dangerous.  He knows that I’m feeling overwhelmed, but isn’t forcing me to commit.  There’s still a chance to back out, and yet he’s still giving me the option, however much that hurts him.  And if I don’t do this, it’s another chance to be another victim.

I can’t let myself back out.  

“No,”  I paused, collecting myself.    “No, I can do this.  I won’t let my emotions get in the way.”  A pleased look crossed his face, a small smirk threatening to reveal itself.

“Good.  I’ll see you tonight.”

A/N: Thank you to the following people who wanted to see this part happen. Stay tuned for part 3!!

Tag List:

@lainiespicewrites

@shellyshellshell

@xblueriddlex

@rosecentury

[transmascpetewentz]

if you had to spend even one day as an actual homosexual male in my country, you'd fucking kill yourself out of despair.

i am so FUCKING SICK AND TIRED of evil anglo westerners like you treating homosexuality like an aesthetic! we are not your constume! stop appropriating us!

i'm ANGRY because i experience homophobia every single day despite the fact that i hide who i am from the rest of my society, and then i go on the internet thinking it's the one place i can openly be myself... and what do i see?

gay male spaces being OVERRUN with BIOLOGICAL FEMALES who live under the DELUSION that they are homosexual males! and i fucking slam my laptop shut in anger! i'm fucking sick of you people!

WE CAN'T EVEN HAVE A SINGLE SPACE FOR OURSELVES ONLINE.

you have no idea what it's like to be an actual gay man!

you have no idea what it's like to laughed at, taunted, called "faggot" as you walk through your school hallways.

you have no idea what it's like to be excluded and socially ostracized by the majority of your male peers because they view you as inherently dirty and disgusting.

you have no idea of the PAIN you feel when your first highschool crush — the one boy who isn't repulsed by you and enjoys your company — ends up being a straight boy who never saw you as anything more than a "buddy" and abandons you the second he gets a girlfriend.

you have no idea what it's like to live a LIE, to conceal who you really are, to lie and say you're straight when someone questions you for your own safety, despite the fact that hiding you true self only makes you even more miserable and eats away at you every single day.

you have no idea what it's like to wallow in a puddle of your own misery and loneliness, knowing you are going to die alone & unloved due to the miserable circumstances of your own society.

you haven't SUFFERED nearly enough to be able to understand what being a homosexual male is truly like.

you have never experienced any of these things, because you are not homosexual males, yet you still have the loudest voices in online gay male communities.

it's not fair!

why should you get to be happy and enjoy LARPing as a gay man despite being female, while i have to suffer every single day? you don't deserve it.

and, yes, i know you people not my main oppressors. i DESPISE heterosexual males a lot more than i despise you, don't worry. you're not the ones killing us, but i am still irritated with the erasure of digital male homosexual spaces, as well as the transing of male fictional characters, because those two are the only coping mechanisms i have to distract me from my awful reality — and you people have taken that away from me too.

you might argue that i'm mean or hateful or a bad person because of the way i talk, but can you really blame me? the world left me no choice but to be full of HATE and BITTERNESS.

i am extremely disappointed in, mad at and saddened by your community & how you spiritually degrade, humiliate, disrespect and erase real homosexual males.

your blog is a mockery of us. that's all.

This anon is really funny, because even if I didn't experience homophobia, you act like transphobia doesn't exist. There's a lot to unpack here, so I'll respond under the cut.

if you had to spend even one day as an actual homosexual male in my country, you'd fucking kill yourself out of despair.

The suicide rate of trans people in my country (USAmerica) is 50% lmfao. While I'm currently in an okay place mentally, the same can't be said for most others in situations similar to mine. I try to use the mental energy that I do have to do activism that will help me and others like me.

i am so FUCKING SICK AND TIRED of evil anglo westerners like you treating homosexuality like an aesthetic! we are not your constume! stop appropriating us!

Trans men exist in non-western countries. The reason that you don't know of us is because it is literally too dangerous for us to come out in countries that do not accept us. The only reason I'm even out to a few people is because my gender nonconformity was obvious before I even realized I was trans, so being visibly trans wouldn't change much in terms of how I'm treated. I also lived in a country where being gay and/or trans is illegal before I moved to USAmerica, and I was targeted there for my gender nonconformity even though I didn't know I was trans whilst living there. Even though I live in USAmerica now, I'm not divorced from the reality of what it's like to be queer in a country where things are worse.

i'm ANGRY because i experience homophobia every single day despite the fact that i hide who i am from the rest of my society, and then i go on the internet thinking it's the one place i can openly be myself... and what do i see?

I, too, experience homophobia every single day, even though I try to hide my homosexuality. Being AFAB doesn't exempt you from experiencing homophobia. Instead, I get to hear what cishets say when they think no gays are in the room. People like me are treated as jokes and predators at the same time.

gay male spaces being OVERRUN with BIOLOGICAL FEMALES who live under the DELUSION that they are homosexual males! and i fucking slam my laptop shut in anger! i'm fucking sick of you people!

Actually, most gay male spaces are hostile to trans men, which has caused us to form our own spaces. If you go to our spaces and then get mad that you see trans men, cry about it. Also, the use of "you people" is so telling. Don't the people in your country refer to gays as "you people" or similar? So don't do the same to trans people.

you have no idea what it's like to be an actual gay man! you have no idea what it's like to laughed at, taunted, called "faggot" as you walk through your school hallways. you have no idea what it's like to be excluded and socially ostracized by the majority of your male peers because they view you as inherently dirty and disgusting. you have no idea of the PAIN you feel when your first highschool crush — the one boy who isn't repulsed by you and enjoys your company — ends up being a straight boy who never saw you as anything more than a "buddy" and abandons you the second he gets a girlfriend.

Actually, yes I do know what that is like! I've had those things fucking happen to me! Except for me, it's not just homophobia, it is transandrophobia as well. People see me as a predator and potential rapist any time I try to express any attraction to men. Why are cis people trying to educate trans people on what it's like to be socially ostracized? Lol. Lmao even.

you have no idea what it's like to live a LIE, to conceal who you really are, to lie and say you're straight when someone questions you for your own safety, despite the fact that hiding you true self only makes you even more miserable and eats away at you every single day.

...are you fucking serious right now. You, cis person, have no idea what it's like to actually live a lie, to lie and say you're a woman and dress like a woman for your safety even though it makes you even more miserable and eats away at you every single day! I understand that cis gays face homophobia but are you fucking serious right now? I really hope that you're joking.

you have no idea what it's like to wallow in a puddle of your own misery and loneliness, knowing you are going to die alone & unloved due to the miserable circumstances of your own society.

Actually yes I do because I am a transsexual man. Except due to being raised as a girl, I have been taught to accept dehumanization from cis men and women alike. I had to spend years unlearning the misogyny I was raised to accept, and I still have a lot more work to do. The thing is, if I was to say something like the statement above to someone, I would be called an "edgy teenage girl faking depression for attention" because you have to be a cis man for your problems to be taken seriously.

you haven't SUFFERED nearly enough to be able to understand what being a homosexual male is truly like.

The only requirements of being a homosexual male is to identify as male and be homosexual. That's it. There isn't a required amount of suffering that you must go through to receive your gay man card, and even if there was, every gay trans man has suffered far more than whatever the requirement is.

you have never experienced any of these things, because you are not homosexual males, yet you still have the loudest voices in online gay male communities.

Actually we have experienced these things, because we are homosexual males, and we face transandrophobia as well as homophobia. We also do not have the loudest voices in online gay male communities. If you're a user on this side of Tumblr, you are either invading transmasc spaces and acting like they are the entire community, or you are in an echo chamber that tells you that we are the loudest in the community.

why should you get to be happy and enjoy LARPing as a gay man despite being female, while i have to suffer every single day? you don't deserve it.

What is it about my blog that makes you think I enjoy being transsexual? I constantly talk about how awful people are to me, how my sexuality and gender are constantly targeted by others, and how all of these problems are systemic. I do not enjoy facing systemic oppression on the basis of my gender and sexuality.

and, yes, i know you people not my main oppressors. i DESPISE heterosexual males a lot more than i despise you, don't worry. you're not the ones killing us, but i am still irritated with the erasure of digital male homosexual spaces, as well as the transing of male fictional characters, because those two are the only coping mechanisms i have to distract me from my awful reality — and you people have taken that away from me too.

Guess what—you, as a cis man, are perfectly able to relate to trans male characters. If a character being trans makes you unable to relate to them anymore, maybe you should examine what makes you believe that you are so different from trans men. Maybe it's because you don't see us as human.

you might argue that i'm mean or hateful or a bad person because of the way i talk, but can you really blame me? the world left me no choice but to be full of HATE and BITTERNESS.

You are not a transphobe because you face homophobia. You facing homophobia was not what convinced you that trans men aren't people. You are using your experiences with homophobia as an excuse to be transandrophobic while the root of your bigotry is actually a form of systemic oppression just like homophobia, except one where you are part of the oppressor class.

i am extremely disappointed in, mad at and saddened by your community & how you spiritually degrade, humiliate, disrespect and erase real homosexual males.

And I am disappointed in how your community excludes, ostracizes, fetishizes, and disrespects transsexual men. Except y'all are way louder about the issue of us existing than we are about the regular dehumanization that we face from y'all.

your blog is a mockery of us. that's all.

Cry about it.

[copperheid]

So I've recently gained a lot of weight

I got put on medication for my depression. Because my appetite was low and I was a bit underweight for my height my doctor prescribed Mirtazapine

And he told me I might gain a little bit but it should plateau after a while and it shouldn't be anything crazy.

It used to be that I struggled to recognise I was hungry until I was starving, but I rarely got to that point as I would be satisfied with a small lunch and a small dinner so long as I remembered to have them. I didn't have much need for snacks or breakfast.

Now since I started the medication I constantly feel like I'm starving. That painful, ravenous hunger that distracts from everything else until it is satiated, but it's never pacified long. I feel like I have to have breakfast, lunch and a sizable dinner as well as several snacks or else I'll be suffering terribly.

9 months later I've gone from a UK size 8 (US 4) to a UK 14 (US 10) and I've put on 20kgs / 42lbs, and that number is still steadily climbing.

I've started going to the gym to try to burn it off as often as I can, but I just wind up even hungrier after a workout.

I'm currently trying to muscle through it on willpower alone but I feel so awful. Food is literally all I can think about when I try to restrict my intake to what I used to eat. I feel like my whole body is on fire. And it's not working. Even restricting myself to eating the bare minimum needed to function I still see the number climb.

And while I have liked some of the changes that came with the weight gain- like bigger boobs and actually having an ass and hips...putting on weight in my belly has been very difficult to accept. Buying new clothes every couple of months even more so. Seeing the numbers go up on the scale, on the measuring tape and on my clothes...seeing the stretch marks grow in number and intensity day by day...it's scary. I worry it might never stop and I'll become so big that I can't lead a normal life anymore. That I'd need to buy a second seat on a plane. That I couldn't ride a roller coaster. That I couldn't dance. That I couldn't walk.

I worry that people are talking behind my back, saying I let myself go, that I'm ruined now. I worry my partner will stop finding me attractive.

I feel like I never have anything nice to wear because everything highlights my huge belly. I'm constantly bloated and could be mistaken for pregnant if you didn't know me. All my trousers dig in painfully and I heave over the top of them. Shirts are too tight and ride up to show off my pale, rounded skin.

And sometimes I find it sexy, in a strange way. Like my body is changing and growing softer, and soft bodies are sexy...but then the shame creeps in. Like I'm doing something wrong and taboo by finding my own bigger body sexy.

I feel forced to be more feminine than I am - dresses and skirts are the only clothes I feel comfortable in. Everything else digs in too much, shows to much, or adds bulk that makes me feel even bigger. I was never a girly girl - I'm not even sure I'm a girl at all.

I'm going to Japan next week and I had originally planned to buy clothes while I'm there. I had been excited about all the different styles I wouldn't be able to get back in Scotland. Now the idea fills me with dread. They won't stock my size in any of the normal stores there. I'll have to shop in stores with insulting names like Moo Moo Girl and Hey Fatty Boom Boom.

Maybe I'll grow to accept my body with time. Maybe I will even be able to lose the weight somehow. But i don't want to come off the medication. It's been the only thing that's made a dent in my depression and I couldn't stand to lose that. Maybe I could even be fat and happy someday - better than skinny and dead.

I just hope I figure this shit out soon.

[izzysillyhandsy]

It's only suicide if we die

... and Izzy's second suicide was planned to set Ed free.

I've loved the wonderful lyrics of Seabird in connection with Ed and Izzy since Ep5, but they fit even better now

with my completely unhinged

Izzy died for Ed theory (but he might not be dead at all).

I think somewhere around Ep6, Izzy realized that both of them could never be truly free while the other was still around (and they tried so hard to untangle themselves!).

Suddenly, you're with me I turn, and you're not there Like a ghost, you haunt me

Even though they hadn't interacted much after the breakup, Izzy still got to Ed via Stede. He just couldn't keep away.

This world isn't big enough To keep me away from you

Izzy realized that to heal, Ed had to completely let go of his old life, and his old life didn't only include Izzy - it was Izzy.

So Izzy had to die.

Like an untied dog You just had to run Seabird, seabird Fly home

But - and this is the unhinged part - I think it's not completely impossible that Izzy isn't dead at all - it was just really important for Ed to think that he was.

Is this crazily overdramatic? YES. But have you met these two?

Izzy doesn't let Ed see his wound. Ed even says "It's not even that bad" trying to have a look, but Izzy "Stop stop"-s him and starts with "Eddie" which completely distracts Ed.

Then Izzy says exactly what Ed needs to hear from him to be able to move on.

Everything was Izzy's fault. He fed the darkness. Blackbeard isn't Ed's true personality like Ed feared - it's them. Without Izzy, Ed is good now. He is ready for "true Ed" to come out again ("Just be Ed. There he is.").

Izzy leaves willingly ("I wanna go") to absolve Ed from guilt.

"Eddie's surrounded by family" as opposed to relying on Izzy and Izzy alone for love (I can imagine a very young Izzy saying to a very young Ed: "I'm your family now"). He's not unloveable, he never was.

Izzy dies.

Ed is finally free (at least that's what Izzy thinks. I don't agree. But this is maybe a topic for another post)

But how on earth is he not dead?

Well I don't know! He probably is. They've buried him after all.

Still -

the shooting scene was weird. No blood, no bullet going in, Izzy just standing there (there was enough time to somehow react when Ricky pushed him back).

noone checked the wound, everybody stayed right back except for Ed who was distracted by Izzy.

Am I clinging to straws here? Yes.

But, even if Izzy died, everything else is still valid. It's just much, much more tragic and fucked up. Izzy Hands, living his life for others, finally dying for another to have at least a shot at happiness.

But I still hope this isn't that kind of a show. I am quite confident Izzy will return in some shape or form (Buttons is such a clear symbol for rebirth, and he was put there for exactly that reason).

Conclusion

Izzy lives. Change my mind. No, don't. Please.

---------------------------------

Here are the complete lyrics:

Ed:

There's a road I know I must go Even though I tell myself That road is closed Listen, lonely seabird You've been away from land too long

Izzy:

I don't listen to the news no more Like an unwound clock You just don't seem to care This world isn't big enough To keep me away from you

Both:

Suddenly, you're with me I turn, and you're not there Like a ghost, you haunt me You find warmth in a one-night bed

Izzy again:

Sunsets, full moons Don't turn you on Like an untied dog You just had to run

Seabird, seabird Fly home

[lucy90712]

Hiii can you write a Pablo Gavi imagine where the reader, his girlfriend of a couple years has a birthday coming up and he won’t be able to make it. Can you put how they previously had that discussion but it didn’t end so she didn’t even want to celebrate her birthday but little does she know he wants to surprises her because they haven’t seen each other in a while. With the help of their friends & her best friend, Aron Piper from elite it all comes together. If you can make her older than him & Latina. Thank you & happy new year :)

A/n: my requests are open so feel free to send me more requests. 

I changed the request a bit to fit my idea and also I don't know who that is so hope that's ok

wc: 2400+ 

For weeks I've been looking forward to my birthday as my boyfriend Pablo was supposed to come and see me so we could spend the day together but a few days ago he told me couldn't make it as he had to stay in Barcelona for training. When he told me I tried my best not to seem too disappointed as I knew he would come if he could but as soon as our FaceTime call ended I couldn't help but let a few tears fall. We haven't seen each other in person in so long and I was really looking forward to seeing his face and getting to hug him but now I don't know when I'll get to see him. Knowing Pablo won't be here upset me so much that I didn't really want to celebrate my birthday as I know all day I'll be thinking about how much better things would be with him here. 

My day started when I heard my doorbell ringing and to start with I got excited thinking that it could be Pablo but when I answered it it was my mum who had brought me breakfast on her way to work. Of course I appreciated it but part of me couldn't help but be disappointed that it wasn't Pablo even though deep down I knew it wouldn't be. She wished me a happy birthday before leaving for work which meant I was again alone and left to think about all the things I could be doing today. My friends tried to get me to do something with them today but I told them I didn't want to as my plans for the day are to just be alone and have a day to myself as I don't get those very often.

I ate the food my mum brought me as I didn't want it to get cold and then I decided to get ready and to start with I thought I'd just put on something comfy to lounge around in but when I went in my wardrobe I saw a cute dress I haven't worn I ages and decide to get dressed up a bit. In an attempt to make myself feel good I put the dress on and did my hair and makeup all nice and then proceeded to sit back down on my sofa to do nothing. When I sat down I picked my phone up finally to see that I had loads of happy birthday texts which I responded to and I reposted some of the things my friends put on social media as well. 

After being on my phone for a while I realised that Pablo hadn't even text me since yesterday so not only was he not here he hadn't even bothered to text me. I wasn't sure whether to be mad at him or to cry to begin with but then I tried to convince myself that he must just be busy and that at some point he would text. It was really hard to not let it bother me as in the two years we have been together Pablo has never not text me on special days like my birthday or Valentine's Day so for him not to have done it yet made me upset but also slightly worried about him. My mind went back and forth about texting him just to make sure that he was ok but I stopped myself as he should be the one texting me and if by later he still hasn't I can call him then to check that everything is alright. 

Just as I was about to turn the tv on to distract myself the doorbell rang again and for a second I really considered not getting up to answer it but I did. This time it was my best friend who didn't even let me greet her before telling her to get ready as we were going somewhere. I did exactly what I was told as there is no arguing with her when she wants me to do something and honestly I'm not in the mood to argue. Once we left my apartment I asked where we were going but I didn't get an answer and I could tell I wasn't going to get one so I didn't ask again. We got into her car and I went back into my own world thinking about Pablo and his much I miss him. 

"You ok?" My best friend asked 

"Yeah I'm fine" I replied 

"You're lying tell me what's up" she pressed further 

"Well I haven't heard from Pablo at all today so I'm worried about him and I just really miss him" I admitted 

"I'm sure he's just busy and will call later plus I know you will see him at some point" she said 

I just nodded and then we started talking about other things until we got to the nearest shopping mall which is when y/f/n said that we were going to go shopping and have a girls day. We haven't had a girls day in ages so I was excited to go shopping and just spend some time together. 

Pablo's POV

Standing around the corner from Y/n's place waiting for her to leave with her friend made me feel like a creep and definitely made me look weird but it will be worth it later when I get to surprise her. She has no idea that I'm here as I told her I wouldn't be able to come and see her on her birthday but in reality I have been talking to her friends to try and arrange a surprise as it's her birthday and we haven't seen each other in a while. I have felt awful lying to her but I know that when I get to see the smile on her face it will be worth it and hopefully she won't be too mad. 

Once she left with her friend I gave it another minute before I ran up to her apartment and let myself in using the key she gave me so that I can set things up for the surprise. With some help from her friends I got some decorations for her apartment which I have to put up and I need to wrap the presents I got her as I didn't have time before leaving. It's a lot to get done especially as I know I only have a few hours before y/n will be back but I know I can do it. To start with I inflated all the balloons as I knew that was going to take a while plus once I have them all I can decide where I want to put them. 

Interior design and decorating is really not my thing but once I had everything ready I tried my best to make it look nice but nothing looked right so I sent pictures to some of her friends to get their opinion and they told me what to do. After their help the place looked really good and I got to wrapping her presents before setting up the last parts of the surprise. As part of it all I wanted to give her notes to follow so I wrote them all out and put them in place and then left other things with them all. 

Once it was all done I sat on her sofa and waited for a text to say that she would be back soon. Having to just sit and wait had me feeling really nervous because although I'd love to think that she'd be really happy to see me there's always the possibility that she won't be and that thought just kills me inside. When I looked at my phone and realised I hadn't text her today I got even more nervous about seeing her as I know that she'll either be super upset or mad because I always text her every day and especially today she would have been expecting a text from me. As much as it was tempting to text her now I didn't do it as she will be here in person soon and I don't want to ruin the surprise by making her suspicious in any way. Only once my phone went off with a text from y/n's best friend saying they would be back in about 5 minutes did I stop thinking about how I've been a bad boyfriend and got into place for the surprise. 

Your POV

I have enjoyed my time out as we went shopping and got our nails done but now y/f/n has work so she's dropping me back at my apartment and now I can finally relax for the rest of the day like I planned to do. She dropped me outside and we said our goodbyes before I dragged myself upstairs and to my apartment. When I opened the door I turned the lights on so that it wasn't so dark and immediately took a step back as there was balloons and banners everywhere as well as other decorations which took me completely by surprise. Thinking that my friends were hiding somewhere I called out their names and got no answer so ended up just saying hello a few times but still didn't get an answer. Just as I was about to give up and go sit down I noticed a note on the side when I went to put my keys down. I picked it up and noticed that there was also a heart shaped chocolate underneath it so I grabbed it and then read the note. 

The note sent me to the living room where I found another note this time accompanied by a red rose. This next note took me to the kitchen where another note and rose was waiting for me. The note trail sent me all around my apartment collecting roses until I got to my bedroom where there was a card resting on my bed so I went to go and collect it expecting it to be another note sending me somewhere else but it wasn't. When I opened the envelope it was an actual birthday card which of course I read straight away. 

Reading it I almost burst into tears but I managed to control myself slightly and only let out a few tears as my brain processed all the beautiful words that were written in the card. By this point I was well aware that it was Pablo that had this all set up but I wasn't expecting him to walk out of the bathroom attached to my bedroom as I thought he'd got someone else to do this for him. When I first saw him I dropped the card and all the roses that were resting in my lap and ran towards him jumping at him which luckily he saw coming and caught me. At this point there was no holding back the tears as I held onto him like if I let go he'd disappear. Eventually I let go slightly and I stood back on the ground looking at Pablo smiling like an idiot and eyes filled with tears.

He smiled back at me and wiped the tears from my face before pulling me in to a loving kiss which was possibly the best kiss I've ever had as it just felt so passionate and full of all of our love for each other. When we pulled away he picked me up and carried me back to the sofa and then ran off again and came back with a pile of presents which he placed on my lap. I cuddled into his side as I opened the presents as I want to spend as much time as possible cuddled with him before we inevitably have to separate again. He brought me some lovely things but my favourite gift was definitely him being here even if he did lie to me. 

"You know I can't believe you kept this from me you are usually such an awful liar" I said 

"So am I it was so hard not telling you especially when you seemed so sad that I couldn’t be here but your reaction was definitely worth it” he said 

“Well I’m just really happy you’re here I missed you so much but don’t lie to me again or I will be mad” I laughed 

“I missed you too and that reminds me I have one last surprise for you” he said getting up 

When he came back he made me close my eyes and put something in my hands which wasn’t heavy but it felt cold which was intriguing. When he allowed me to open my eyes I looked down and saw that he had put a key in my hands it was on a little key chain that had a small heart charm as well as a little house one. I was so confused my this as I already have a key to his place like he does with mine so I wasn’t sure why he was giving me another one. 

“What’s this about?” I asked 

“Well as long as you would like to I got a new bigger apartment and I thought we could move in together that way we won’t have to miss each other” he said 

“Really” I said not being able to say anything else 

“Yes really and before you worry I looked into it and there is plenty of jobs like yours being advertised and they pay better and of course you can come back and see your friends whenever you want” he added 

“I would love to move in together” I said 

Of course I had to tackle him into a big hug and press loads of kisses all over his face to show him my excitement but also my appreciation. He simply just laughed at me as I continued my assault until I was finally done when he just pulled me closer and started to stroke my hair. This has very quickly gone from the worst to the best birthday ever and although moving to a new city is a bit daunting as long as I’m with Pablo I know I’ll be ok. 

[sunshinekindof]

I kind of miss you

I felt terrible. It was the middle of the work week, and I had already managed to get sick. My throat was sore and my voice was hoarse and I couldn't stop coughing. My mood was lower than ever. Plus, I haven't seen Timothee in almost a week. We were going to meet with him a few days ago, but he constantly postponed our meeting, referring to the large number of work and working meetings. At first I was understanding about this, but today I was especially sensitive. I felt weak and all I wanted was to wrap myself in a blanket and snuggle up to my boyfriend. I know I acted like a little girl, but I didn't care.

Thank God it was already the end of the day, and I was free. I took the day off tomorrow and called Timothee. What if he's already was free, and we can finally see each other? I was able to get through to him only on the second attempt.

"Hey you" he said. He was in a good mood.

"Hi Tim. Will I see you today? It's been a while and I kind of miss you"

“I have one more meeting but I think it will take about an hour, after which I am all yours, my love”

"Really? Are you sure you can do it?" I asked hopefully.

“Yes, my love, I promise. I'm sorry, I gotta go, see you soon"

Before I could answer, he had already hung up.

Well, now my mood is clearly better. Just an hour, and I will be warm and in the arms of a loved one. From one thought, my mood became better and better.

Before I went home, I went to the pharmacy. While I was buying medicine for myself, my phone rang and the name of the person I needed so much right now was displayed on the phone screen.

"Hey baby, are you free?" I asked and heard there was music playing in the background.

“My love, listen...I'm sorry, but can I see you tomorrow? I'm really sorry, but this meeting is very important and I only need one evening and tomorrow I'm all yours. Promise"

My heart skipped a beat at his words. Seriously? Again?

“Tim, look, I don’t want to distract you, but maybe you can come to my place later? It doesn't matter how late it is. I will wait for you. Everything is fine, but I would not like to be alone today, ”I asked, although I already knew in advance what he would answer me. This has already happened. Timothee was so engrossed in his work that we didn't see each other for about a month.

“No, baby, go to bed, don't wait for me. I will be late. I want you to get enough sleep."

Yes, I thought, of course. He just did not know that I had not slept normally for 2 nights. I didn't want to tell him, but still... So, okay, I told myself, it's time to be a big girl and not be so needy. You can handle everything on your own.

"Yeah ok. I'll see you another time" I said and turned off my phone. I didn't want to listen to what he had to say. I've heard it 1000 times already. I didn't blame Timothee. I knew what I agreed to when we started dating, but still, like a stupid girl, I hoped for a miracle. We all want a miracle sometimes, right?

But we live in the real world, so I took a taxi and drove home. The drive home took me about an hour.

When I entered the apartment, I immediately smelled my favorite food. What? When I entered the kitchen, I saw Timothee cutting vegetables.

" Timothee? What's happening?" Seriously what?

When he heard my voice, he turned around and looked at me with a smile. But as soon as he saw me, the joy in his eyes immediately changed to excitement.

"Oh, baby, how are you feeling yourself?" he asked me.

"I'm...great," I said, but was caught in a lie when I started coughing loudly.

"Yeah, I see," Timothee said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

“Timothee, what are you doing here? You said that…" 

“I know what I said and I'm sorry about that,” he interrupted me, “I was in a meeting, but your voice seemed strange to me, so when you hung up, I started calling you again, but your phone was unavailable. Then I called you at work, in case you were still there and I could pick you up, but you weren't there anymore. Your colleague answered my call and said that you had already left and that you had been feeling unwell all day. That's why I left early to take care of my girl."

I didn't want to cry, but my eyes were starting to fill with tears.

"Tim, you shouldn’t..."

“Of course you should. I'm sorry baby" he said and hugged me, pressing his lips to my forehead.

"God, you're hot" Timothy said and looked at me

"Thank you?" I smiled

“I'm serious, you have a fever. How long have you been feeling unwell?” he asked seriously

I lowered my eyes to the floor and replied, "Well ... since yesterday .."

"And you went to work?"

“I couldn’t leave, I have deadlines”

“And you didn’t tell me that you feel bad,” he began to scold me

"I didn't want you to worry"

“But what about the talk that we are partners and …” he continued, but when a tear rolled down my cheek, he immediately fell silent. God, I've become so sensitive that it's annoying

"I'm sorry"

“No, forgive me. I love you. Will you let me take care of you" he asked gently and pressed his lips to mine for a moment, but I immediately recoiled

"Don't kiss me, you'll get sick"

"Try to stop me and see what happens" he said and pressed his lips against mine again. I missed him so much that this time I did not resist. As he backed away from me, I whispered, “Thank you. I missed you"

“And I missed you. So much. Now go wash your hands, dinner is almost ready" said Timothee and turned me towards the bathroom.

"Yes sir" I said with a smile. My recovery will definitely be quick.

[eljeebee]

It's crazy how I keep separating Priscilla and Tony when my mind tells me they're so perfect together.

(Ramble below, it's lengthy...be warned)

Initially, I wanted Priscilla as a femme fatale, but this term was associated with seducing enemies and stuff and she is not the type of agent to do that. She's taught to kill with wit, strength, and precision. Not with her body. I wanted her to be full on girl power, who doesn't need a man, and even if she finds one, he's nothing but a sidekick. She's the main show. Because that's why I made her. I wanted her to be this powerful woman that can get rid of everything and everyone on her way. Priscilla reflects that part of myself where if I have something more, akin to her power, I could do more, intimidate people that tries to intimidate me, do something more that I wouldn't be able to do now. Something like that. Anyways.

Tony fell in love first, Priscilla fell harder. The higher ups found out about this and instead of separating them, they made a plan to get them married. It's convenient—it will make her complacent, which means they have her under control.

Their first divorce was actually a mistake, and Albert's bosses gave him so much shit that the christmas special I wrote was actually just an excuse to put them back together. And it worked. They remarried in Bridgeport. The second divorce was just me being silly. Just kidding. But that's just me sticking to the idea of Priscilla is alone and capable. That a lover like Tony is a distraction. That she doesn't need him. The second divorce isn't a divorce, it happens through death. I won't go into details, but the timeline for that happens into the farrrr future, where Tony is still alive because Priscilla wills it to. Priscilla's discovery about their marriage being her containment also happens in that timeline. A little earlier in the future but not now. She stayed with him still, even if she found out Tony cheated. Even if she found out the mistress got pregnant. That is what set her off.

Priscilla would've just looked the other way if he had just cheated,but he impregnated someone. If it was just cheating,she would've let him miserably live longer, but when he got someone pregnant...well, isn't that an insult?

He dies in the middle of the battlefield. Tony knew that what's keeping him alive is her. Like any other caring self-sacrificing lover would, he asked her not to prolong his life anymore, which he knew she wouldn't listen and he'll live again... wrong. This time, she lets go of her hold over him. He's going to die. She's no longer the damsel that keeps her lover alive with her tears. He dies there.

Priscilla would meet the mistress and the kid after, and tells the lady that as a mercy to the child, she won't do anything to them, as long as they keep themselves away from her sight. I actually wrote something like the two previous paragraphs, but I'm still too shy to share.

So. What's the conclusion for this rambling? That even if Tony died, that even if Priscilla's love turned into hatred—somewhere, deep in her mind, in her mind palace, there is a manifestation of Tony in there, where he had become a part of her thoughts, her thought process, in which she consults to. When she encounters a difficult job or case or something, and when she sits down to think, there is another voice. It's Tony.

[felice-jaganshi]

His Pet

Chapter 16 (Final chapter!)

(At least until the sequel)

(CW: Consensual cannibalism)

 

"I bet you could play Doom on vox's screen. Heh, that'd be a funny prank. Especially if he turns it off right away, you could say something like 'wow, you can't even run the most basic of code? How pathetic’." She smiled mischievously, they had gone out on another walk. Heading towards cannibal town to meet with Rosie. She had invited them, saying she had a very special treat for him, and to bring Zariah along.

“What an inspiring idea my dear, I'll have to put it into practice someday… but tell me, what is this ‘Doom’ you speak of, some television show?” He gave a little head tilt, and she laughed before going into a whole explanation on the video game and why the joke was funny. Though, he didn't truly seem that interested in what she was saying, just enjoying the energy with which it was being said.

 

They arrived at Rosie's and Susan immediately started giving Alastor trouble, wanting to pick a bit of a fight about some nonsense or another. 

Meanwhile, Zariah went with Rosie back into her back room to prepare Alastor's present that the two had schemed on.

 

Rosie eventually came back out and waved to Susan who immediately stopped giving Alastor shit when she did, walking away. Her distraction was done.

Alastor made his way into Rosie's parlor with a slight grumble, “Ornery old bitch needs to be stuffed in a box and thrown down the fucking river.” His smile never faltered. Rosie couldn't help but laugh at that.

“Oh Al, this time she was just being a distraction so you wouldn't ruin the surprise Zariah had planned for you. She needed my help with it, since I'm the only one who would agree to her crazy idea.”

 

This caught his attention, “Oh? What kind of crazy idea?” He looked around, “Where is she?”

The door to the back room opened and Zariah came out holding something large and oddly shaped, wrapped in heavy satin with a bow around the middle.

“Right here Al! Don't worry, I didn't go far. I just wanted to surprise you, and Rosie's the only one you'd leave me alone with outside the hotel.” She set down the present on the table.

He tilted his head, “Oh? And what kind of gift is this, my dear?” He looked it over before pulling at one end of the bow to unravel it. “And what is this present in exchange for? Your rescue from that moth, I assume?” 

“Sorta, there's a second present waiting back in my room too. But that's a ‘just because’ present.” He pulled back the cloth and his eyes went wide.

 

“ Darling… what am I looking at? ” He sounded… confused. Unsure if he should be angry or elated.

“My wings grew back! And I heard you and Rosie talk the other day how angel flesh was so much tastier than any sinner you ever had. So… I wanted to give my wings to you!” She sounded so cheerful and excited. “You like them right? I know it's not a ‘prime cut’ or whatever the word is. But it's part of me I can happily live without, and there's a good chance they'll grow back again! I just had to promise Rosie if they do grow back again, she gets one of them next time too.”

 

Alastor ran a hand through the feathers, looking troubled by this before turning to look at the two women he loved most in all of hell. “I… you mutilated yourself for me? I'd never have asked this of you.”

Zariah's smile softened, “I know… but I wanted to do this for you. Give you a special part of myself.” 

 

Rosie sighed at this, “it's a truly romantic gesture, Alastor. And don't worry, it was completely her idea, and I was able to remove them without any further damage done. I was extra careful with our little angel.” She pet Zariah's head and she purred at the touch, tails swishing around happily.

“Rosie… I… I'm conflicted. I'm certainly excited about such a wonderful gift… but I also feel betrayed that you'd hurt her, even with her permission, behind my back.” 

 

“Oh Alastor… I'm sorry, I didn't think about it like that. But, it's her body, and her choice. Isn't it?”

“Perhaps, but she gave me possession of her soul in exchange for being her protector and caretaker. I have an obligation to protect her even from her own foolishness.” He held out a hand to Zariah, and she gave Rosie a tight hug before going to take his hand. He pulled her to his chest and kissed the top of her head.

 

“Al, if she didn't help, I still would have tried to do it on my own. Don't be cross with her.” She nuzzled into his chest, hoping acting cute would spare Rosie any wrath from him. He placed a hand on the back of her neck in a loose grip.

“Love, you'd really disobey me like that?”

“If it was for your benefit, absolutely. You have no clue the depth of my devotion to you.” She looked up at him with a determined light in her eyes. It almost scared him a little. He sighed in defeat.

 

“Well, I suppose we better cook these wings up while they're still fresh. Rosie, will you share these with me? That way what Zariah owes you is paid and she won't have to cut any more off.”

 

“Well, I certainly won't say no to that. How would you like them cooked up?” She smiled, glad he had calmed down. She'd hate to have to fight him, he was like a brother to her.

“ Barbecue. ” He said confidently, he knew they'd taste wonderful barbecued. 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_--_

And that's the end for now! The sequel is almost done with its first draft as well. It will be darker and have more drama than this one did though. So get hype! Love you all!

[animasola86]

A BLESSING AND A CURSE

Pairing: Sebastian Sallow x f!mc Genre: Fluff/Romance/Adventure/eventual Smut Synopsis: Sebastian Sallow is your average teenage boy, wouldn't you say? Well, he is, despite the baggage he carries around with him. And the same teenage boy has laid his eyes on the new student and he is determined to lay even more on her.

Notes: Prequel to A Night in the Undercroft, HL re-write focusing on my Ravenclaw MC Nebbia DeLuca (read her backstory/showcase here), ongoing series

---- -> Read all chapters on AO3 <- ----

I decided not to post every chapter on Tumblr, but as a showcase, here is chapter 4 (5.2k words), when things start getting interesting.

A Proper Hogwarts Welcome

Nebbia looked back at him slowly, her eyes wandering over his face. “So what do I do now?” she then asked with a faint voice.

Sebastian frowned at that, before leaning back and crossing his arms in front of his chest, thinking hard. “I'm sure Professor Fig is already researching about whatever you found in that vault, so you leave that to him. As for you: just be a Hogwarts student, I suppose. That is harrowing enough, you shouldn't have to deal with anything else on top of that. But you're a quick learner and a Ravenclaw, I am absolutely certain that you will have no problem with that.” He gave her a reassuring smile as she raised her eyebrows at that. “And about Ranrok and Rookwood. Well, you heard Sirona, you should be careful, probably shouldn't walk about alone outside of Hogwarts.”

She sighed deeply and lowered her gaze, staring at her hands in her lap. “Sounds so easy when you say that,” she whispered.

“It is. Focus on one thing at a time and it'll be fine. And if you struggle with anything, which I doubt, but let's say you do at one point, please, do not hesitate to call on me. You might have bested me in a duel, but I can still be of some assistance to you, I'm sure.”

Nebbia blushed under the smile he gave her and he smiled even wider noticing it. His eyes wandered over her face, taking in every single detail, from her small, slightly pointy nose, to the finely arched eyebrows and the scar running through one of them to her long lashes and those deep green eyes that sparkled in the light of the fire crackling behind him. When he looked at her lips, it was his turn to feel a little bit warmer. He probably shouldn't stare at her mouth this intently, but he couldn't help himself.

He was too curious. About how her lips would feel on his.

Said lips were moving then and he noticed her teeth behind them and that little sliver of tongue peeking through. Unconsciously or not, he felt himself licking his own – until he flinched badly and almost bit down on his tongue as he felt her kicking him under the table.

“Ow! What was that for?”

She stared at him, grinning darkly. “You keep looking at me until you zone out! I hate talking to myself here, okay?”

“What? Oh,” he made and quickly rubbed the back of his neck as he looked away eventually. “I'm sorry. I...” He looked back at her, ready to tell her the truth, but perhaps it was a little too much? Too forward? She watched him curiously, apparently not too angry about him staring at her like that. “You are quite distracting, you know that?” he then admitted, tilting his head, a smirk creeping onto his face.

Her eyes went wide at the comment and she blushed even more. It took her only a few seconds to change that expression into one of indignation. “Hang on! That's how I was able to best you in that duel, wasn't it? Because you were... distracted?”

He raised his eyebrows, impressed by her quick observation, before he barked a loud laugh. “Well, what can I say...”

“I didn't win because I was better, I won because you can't control your bloody hormones!” she went on, despite the accusing tone with a smile on her face. “I can't believe it!”

Sebastian watched her with amusement, his cheeks hurting from smiling so much. “Look at it this way, you fought with everything you had, your body included, and you won fair and square, details don't matter!”

She shook her head and chuckled. “I want a rematch!” she then demanded and leaned back, crossing her arms in front of her chest like him.

“Right now?” he challenged her and leaned forwards a little, his eyes boring into hers.

“If you're up for it! Though I bet I'll just beat you again, with how distracted you already are by me right now...” she teased and poked her tongue out at him.

He laughed and couldn't help but lower his eyes to her mouth once more. Then he saw her put a hand in front of her lips and he looked back into her eyes with a smirk.

“Can you stop for one second?” she laughed from behind her fingers. “It's getting ridiculous!”

He chuckled and leaned back, throwing his hands up in defeat. “I apologize. I shouldn't be so forward, you are right. That's not very gentleman-like of me, I agree.”

She snorted at that and shook her head. “I honestly never saw you as a gentleman,” she commented and tilted her head as it was her turn to look him over.

“Not? My, now I am quite offended!” he said with a mock-frown. “Did I not just protect you from an evil wizard and did I not just offer you my assistance? Oh and remember how I selflessly agreed to accompany you to Hogsmeade?”

Her smile faltered slightly at that as she assessed his words. “Do gentlemen do these things? I never actually met one, you know,” she said and grinned. “I mean, look at you. With your messy hair and those unruly eyebrows and how you wear your shirt rolled up to your elbows and the state of your tie... is that gentleman-like?”

“That's body-shaming, my dear,” he said and raised an eyebrow, then thought about his eyebrows and if they were really that unruly. “And it was a hot day, alright? And I just fought a bloody troll!” he added and threw his hands up. “Also, being a gentleman is not about looks, it's about deeds. Treating the fairer sex with respect and admiration and proper care –”

She watched him with growing amusement and it only made him become more flustered. “You're right, my turn to apologize. I am sorry, I forgot about the troll, to be honest...”

He scoffed and gave her a playful glare. “Is that all you can say to that?”

She leaned closer, propped on her elbows as she looked at him with a soft smile. “I do appreciate all you have done for me thus far, I honestly do.”

“Why do I hear a but?” he replied, arching his eyebrow.

“You hear a butt?”

“A but!” he repeated, furrowing his forehead. “Like in 'you're nice, but...'”

“Your nice butt?” She had way too much fun with this, the way she was snickering.

He glared at her, stunned by her wit. Yet when he recovered rather quickly after all, he shot her a smirk. “So you think I have a nice butt?”

Her turn to be stunned apparently. She cleared her throat and looked away, definitely thinking about his butt now. He laughed loudly, as she started to defend herself. “Listen, I... I mean, even if, how was I not supposed to notice that? You kept walking in front of me and you are so much taller and my eyes like to rest on a certain height and...”

“Tell me more,” he teased and leaned onto the table, his chin on his hand as he watched her closely.

She blushed and pursed her lips. “Hey, I was giving you a compliment! Not about your butt, that was just a stupid play on words. Earlier. I really appreciate your help, I do. No buts or the like. And I would definitely come back to it, should I need it. I would be stupid not to.” She inhaled deeply and leaned back in her chair, frowning slightly as he kept grinning at her despite her genuine words.

“So, do you like my butt or not?” he asked, winking at her.

“Sebastian!” Her blush grew deeper.

He only laughed as she tried to kick him again. For a short moment, as he was wrapped up by joy and playful banter, definitely enjoying the company of this new girl, he felt a sharp pain in his heart as his sister's tortured face made an appearance in the back of his mind. For a moment his smile faltered, tainted by the sudden re-emergence of her dire situation and the guilt he felt for being happy when she was not. He cleared his throat to hide it and looked away then, inhaling sharply.

Nebbia shouldn't have picked up on that, but she did. Yet she didn't mention anything, she just looked at him, a sliver of concern behind her smiling eyes.

“Would you like another Butterbeer?” he then asked, quickly falling back into his smug demeanour. “I feel we were robbed of our first ones.”

She nodded, almost a little shyly now. “Sounds good.”

“Then let me be the gentleman and get us some, alright?” he offered and threw her a wink, before he stood up. Her eyes followed his movement and she nodded again. He looked at her for a moment, then he turned away and walked back to the counter, ordering two more Butterbeers from Sirona. The task gave him time to regain his composure as he focused on not spilling the large tankards when he eventually returned to their table in the far back.

Nebbia's hands reached out and helped him as she grabbed one of the tankards and put it down carefully. He sat back down, raising his Butterbeer in front of him, and declared: “To a day full of surprises!”

She arched an eyebrow at that.

“Or... to new friends?” he suggested with a laden smile.

She smiled back and took the large mug with both hands and gently pushed it against his. “To new friends.”

They drank in silence, both looking at each other over the edge of their Butterbeers. He watched her closely. She seemed to enjoy the drink as much as her first one, her eyes big and excited as she slurped away happily, more foam gathering on her upper lip. He focused on her happiness and slowly pushed the darkness back into the depth of his mind.

“This is not really... beer, is it?” she then asked, licking the foam off her lip – and he had to really force himself not to stare once more.

“Not the traditional kind, no, but there is some alcohol in it,” he told her, taking another sip of his own drink.

“There is?” she squeaked, either in surprise or terror.

He laughed softly. “Tiny amounts. Barely noticeable when you're a human, but I have heard of cases in which house elves got really knackered on Butterbeer. And even though you may be short, you are not a house elf, so don't worry,” he concluded and smirked at her.

When she lifted up her foot to kick him once again under the table, he quickly leaned down and grabbed her ankle, holding her leg as he stared at her with a wicked grin. She blushed deeply and her mouth fell open slightly as she tried to get her leg back, but he held it tightly between his fingers, squeezing softly.

“Did you want to say anything?” he teased.

“Stop calling me short,” she whispered, inhaling sharply when he slipped his other hand under the table to slide it up her shin to her knee.

“Only when you grow a few inches,” he whispered back, his hand now moving around her knee until he teased his fingers right against the back, giving her one quick tickle before she shrieked and squirmed, almost spilling her Butterbeer as she kicked against the table.

“Stop!” she hissed and slapped his hand away, her entire face flushed as she stared at him breathlessly.

He leaned back in his chair, releasing her leg before he put his hands back around his tankard.

“What happened to being a gentleman?” she muttered, focusing back on her own drink.

“You said I wasn't one, so why should we keep pretending?” he countered with a smirk, taking a big sip of Butterbeer.

Now it was her turn to surprise him as she suddenly leaned over the table, extended a finger and brashly wiped her finger over his upper lip, picking up the foam that had gathered there. He stared at her with wide eyes as she leaned back and licked the foam off her finger, her green eyes boring into his as she did so.

He was absolutely stunned, feeling his own cheeks warming up badly.

Of course she noticed his reaction and leaned back with a satisfied smirk, giving her lips another swirl of her tongue. Everything inside of him was fighting against the urge to jump over the table and press his mouth against hers, tasting that sweet little tongue right there and then. Instead he breathed loudly through his nose as he pressed his lips together, slowly shaking his head.

“What? We've established that you're not a gentleman, so I don't have to be a lady either!” she said with a chuckle. “Which I'm not, believe me. Far from it.”

“Is that how you got your scar?” Sebastian then asked, watching her closely.

She frowned at the sudden change of topic and mindlessly fingered the line running across her right eye. There was no more playfulness in her face, even her blush went down rapidly.

“I'm sorry,” he said quickly, furrowing his forehead. “I didn't mean to pry.” He continued watching her, before he leaned closer. “Look, I got one too,” he said and pointed his index finger at the little white line right beneath the left corner of his lips. “From a fight with my sister,” he told her, trying to coax more information out of her.

“You have a sister?” she then asked, going a different direction than he had hoped.

“Yes, Anne, she's my twin,” he replied, forcing himself to stay neutral about it.

“Is she in Hogwarts too?”

“She was... she's not well at the moment,” he said quietly, his heart beating a little bit faster. “But... she'll be better soon and back at Hogwarts in no time!” he told her, trying to convince himself as well. He had tried to sound hopeful, as cheery as possible, but again she seemed to pick up on the little dark undertone of his voice.

“I'm sorry about your sister,” she whispered across the table.

He looked away at that and raised his tankard to drink the last remnants of Butterbeer in one big gulp. Once he was done, he wiped his mouth and set it down with a loud sigh.

“Well, what do you say we get another one?” he asked, smirking at her, falling back into the habit of pretending that everything was fine. A game he had become pretty good at recently.

She watched him solemnly and shook her head. “I think we should head back to the castle. I bet it's already late...”

He frowned at her and after a quick glance at his pocket watch, he sighed deeply. “I suppose you're right...” He looked up at her. “Can't have you breaking curfew on your first day, eh?”

Nebbia chuckled at that. “That's for my second day, you say?” she replied with a small wink. It was either the wink or the tone of her voice or the gleam in her eyes, but something told him that he should keep this girl close. She was too precious to let go, too perfect.

When they left The Three Broomsticks later, he led her to the nearest Floo Flame. After her initial wariness of stepping out onto the dark streets of Hogsmeade as her mind went back to Victor Rookwood's threat, she was now staring at the green flame and Ignatia Wildsmith's stony face.

“Okay, hang on just a second. You mean to tell me we could have used the Floo Flame network to get from Hogwarts to Hogsmeade instead of walking?” Her eyes wandered to his face, wide and almost furious. “Why did we walk?”

He chuckled. “To see all the fine landmarks, of course! Come on, it was a nice little exercise, you'll certainly need it if you want to traverse the castle without breaking down every other step. Remember, there are 142 staircases in Hogwarts and probably twice as many hallways.”

She glared at him, then looked back at the green flame. “So how does this work?” she then asked, looking directly at the moving face, which looked right back, blinking and frowning at the girl.

“You take a little bit of this,” he told her and pointed at the Floo powder in a bowl beneath the flame. “You state where you want to go, loud and clearly, then you throw the powder into the flame.”

She tilted her head, taking a step back. As curious as her expression was, there was also fear in it, uncertainty. “Perhaps we should just walk...” she whispered.

“Nonsense!” he exclaimed. “Especially not at night, with Rookwood looking for you. Come on, we'll do it together this time, to get you acclimated.” Sebastian held out his hand for her. “Trust me.”

Nebbia stared at his hand, biting her lip, before she extended hers and slowly put it between his long fingers. He quickly grabbed her hand and pulled her closer. With a gasp she looked up at him.

“We're usually not supposed to travel in pairs, but if you stand really close to me, this should work just fine,” he told her and put his free hand on her waist, gently pushing her against his body. He saw her cheeks blushing in the eerie green glow of the flame, her eyes were sparkling with a mixture of excitement and worry. “Hold onto me,” he said quietly.

She gingerly let go of his hand and raised her arms to wrap them around his torso, still looking up at him with wide eyes. He moved his hand to her lower back, slowly pushing her flush against him. Then he reached out his free hand and grabbed a handful of Floo powder. While holding her agitated gaze, he stated “Hogwarts, Bell tower!” and then threw the powder onto the green flame.

With a whoosh and a firm tug to his navel during which he heard her gasp loudly as she clung to him tighter, the green flame engulfed them both and pulled them through time and space until they landed with another whoosh on the intricate stone floor of the Bell tower. At first he was glad they ended up with their feet firmly on the ground, but then she swayed and with her arms still tightly around him, they both tumbled down in a heap of bodies and limbs.

He felt his back hit the hard floor and he arched it to dampen the fall, but when she fell on top of him he groaned and all the air left his lungs. Her hair fell into his face, before she scrambled to put her hands on either side of his head and pushed herself up, looking down at him with her eyes wide and her lips parted. He watched her, his heart racing inside his chest. She could have clambered off of him many times now, but she remained lying on him, her hips pressing against his with her legs tugged between his angled knees, her arms shaking slightly as she held up her torso.

Without thinking as his mind felt fuzzy and full of static, he reached up a hand and pushed her hair behind her ear, a gentle, careful gesture with his thumb grazing over her cheek softly. He noticed the slight tremble of her lips, how her eyes wandered over his face and the warmth settling right beneath where his thumb was drawing lazy circles on her skin. Seconds ticked past, maybe even minutes, with their eyes locked onto the other's in a silent assessment of the situation.

And to his utter surprise it was her who moved first as she lowered her face closer to him, her breath ghosting his lips as she stared into his eyes. And when she mindlessly licked her lips, it was his turn. The hand holding her face pulled her down towards him with a firm tug before their mouths collided with a smack. She gasped against him, yet quickly fell into the rhythm he directed as he closed his lips hungrily around hers. Kissing him back with the same amount of fervour, she leaned down on her elbows, pressing her chest into his as her fingers started digging into his hair.

He heard himself moaning against her mouth, the sound echoing eerily through the dark, empty hall, yet he was too involved to register that they were lying in the middle of the Bell tower entrance, right beneath the wide eyes of Ignatia Wildsmith. His hand gripped the back of her neck as he pushed his face upwards into hers, breathing loudly through his nose as he deepened the kiss by pressing the tip of his tongue against her bottom lip.

She watched him out of half-lidded eyes and didn't hesitate at all when she parted her lips more and pushed her own tongue against his. He inhaled sharply, another groan leaving his throat as the kiss got even messier and more passionate. He pushed her hair out of her face with his free hand and held her head tightly between his fingers, guiding her as their tongues continued their wild wrestle.

Her noises were something between loud breaths and quiet whimpers as she pressed her jaw firmly against his, tilting her head to get even closer to him as she pushed her tongue into his mouth. Her movements seemed just as desperate as his and he felt his heart pounding inside his chest as he still couldn't wrap his head around what was happening. Breathing loudly against each other, he was tempted to roll her around and press his body firmly against hers. Instead he just jerked his hips upwards and to his continued surprise, she replied the motion with a grinding of her own hips.

Another moan escaped him and it was in that exact moment that another sound came to his ears. A cough. A clearing of a throat. The sound that made his blood freeze inside his veins. Their movements halted immediately as they remained glued together by their mouths, lips pressed together, tongues paused in the middle of tasting the other, with their eyes wide as they stared at each other.

Another cough came to his ears and he slowly, reluctantly let go of her head and she leaned back up instantly, her hands firmly planted on either side of his head as she scrambled back to her feet, her face flushed and her lips swollen and trembling. She grabbed his hand and helped him stand up as well and he felt about the same as her, cheeks blushed and lips tingling. Both of them were completely out of breath. His hand remained clutching hers and when he looked around at who had caught them, he felt a laugh vibrating in the back of his throat.

The ghost of the Fat Friar floated above them, watching them with a curious tilt to his neckless head. Nebbia stared up at the ghost in terror, be it because it was her first time seeing one of Hogwarts house ghosts or because they were caught in such a compromising position. Sebastian cleared his throat, wiping over his mouth with the back of his free hand and bowed his head slightly.

“Excuse us, sir,” he told the ghost and with another nod of his head, pulled the girl along who stumbled after him, her eyes still fixed on the translucent form of the monk, who watched them with an amused grin on his happy face.

Once the initial shock died down, he could hear her giggle softly, her free hand pressed to her lips as she quickly walked behind him. He smirked to himself and once they reached a dimly lit corner of the adjacent hallway, he pulled her close to him, before he pushed her right against the wall. She gasped and looked up at him, her hand finding his chest as she tried to catch her breath.

No words were necessary as they looked at each other, the hunger still throbbing through both of their bodies. They threw themselves at each other at the same time, arms wrapping around necks and waists as their mouths collided once more, their heavy breathing filling the empty corridor. His hands moved all around her body, from her back upwards to grip her hair gently, then back down to rest against her lower back, softly teasing the curve of her backside, while her hands grabbed the front of his shirt tightly as she leaned up against him on her toes, lodged between the wall and his body.

He had no idea for how long they were kissing each other like this, with their lips brushing together and their tongues circling around the other and their breaths heavy between them. His head was spinning from exertion and lack of air, yet he didn't want to stop. He had wanted to taste her and feel her ever since he had seen the sliver of skin beneath her skirt this morning. He had felt almost ashamed for having these thoughts about a girl he had barely even known, yet he had never expected that said girl seemed to feel the exact same about him – with the way she was pushing herself against him now.

It was when his hands moved lower, sliding over the curve of her butt to the back of her thighs, slowly pulling her skirt up with nimble fingers that she froze in his embrace, her hands pushing against his chest as she leaned away, breathless and dishevelled as she looked, her eyes wide and her lips trembling. He inhaled sharply and moved his hands back up to her waist, a soft smile on his swollen lips.

She slipped back down to her feet and normal height, tilting her chin up and leaning her head against the wall behind her as she looked at him, curiously, her forehead creased in slight lines as she seemed to digest what had happened. His blood was rushing in his ears loudly and he really couldn't care less about any consequences. Though the longer she just watched him, her chest rising and falling fast as she breathed heavily past shivering lips, the more sense kicked back into his head.

“Well,” he said, his voice hoarse. “That was...”

“Confusing?” she replied, frowning slightly more.

“Overwhelming,” he finished with a smirk. “Overwhelmingly amazing...”

She let out a stifled laugh and looked away, her cheeks as red as her lips. Her hands dropped to her sides and she inhaled deeply. “Sebastian, I...”

Something about her voice made his heart stop. He gently grabbed her chin and made her look up at him. “Was it too much?” he asked quietly, alarmed.

She licked her lips. “No, well, a little, certainly unexpected, in a way, but not –”

“Stop analysing it, please,” he said with a light chuckle. “No need to find the right words.” His thumb slowly caressed her hipbone as he kept holding onto her waist firmly with his other hand, pushing her backside against the wall. “Unless you want me to stop?”

She looked at him, biting her raw lips and wincing slightly as she did so. “Perhaps we... should take a break...”

His hand cupped her face gently, his thumb softly prodding at the corner of her mouth. “Perhaps we should,” he whispered. “I'm sorry...”

“No need to apologize,” she whispered back. “I... wanted this too...” she admitted with her cheeks warming up beneath his touch. He smiled wider at that.

Reluctantly, he took a step back, releasing her body from caging her in with his, even dropping his hands back to his sides. She remained leaning against the wall, watching him curiously.

“So do you welcome all the new girls like this?” she teased with a coy smirk.

He laughed out loud, the sound echoing through the hallway. “Only the pretty ones,” he teased right back, smiling down at her as his hand moved back up to tug a strand of hair behind her ear. She gently grabbed his wrist and leaned against his touch, her eyes boring into his. “And you're the prettiest for sure.”

Her smile was shy, but she didn't look away. They stood like that for another silent moment, the kiss(es) still fresh on his mind as he felt his lips pulsating. In the end it was her again who moved first, taking a step closer to him as she grabbed his free hand. “Can you take me to my common room? I'm afraid I don't know where to go, I've only been there once...”

His heart fluttered and he smirked wider, nodding as he squeezed her hand gently. “Of course,” he said quietly and led her down the hallway. She shot him the occasional side-glance and shy smile, as they walked through the dark, empty castle. He didn't take the shortest route to the Ravenclaw tower, but the safest one, past the prefects and ghosts patrolling the halls until they reached the long spiral staircase leading up.

Nebbia wasn't as breathless as he had expected once they arrived in front of the large doorknocker. As he let go of her hand, she stepped closer and solved the riddle the large golden eagle gave her with ease while his mind was still way too foggy from all the things he had experienced today. The door swung open and she turned back to him, smiling softly.

“Thank you for today, Sebastian,” she whispered and reached her hand out to him.

He quickly grabbed it and walked back to her, pulling her into a slightly too excited hug that caused her to gasp and giggle. “Thank you,” he insisted and kissed the top of her head.

“I'll see you tomorrow?” she asked quietly as she looked up at him.

He nodded eagerly. “I'm sure you will.”

She didn't move for another minute or so, just looking at him, seemingly also wondering if all of this had been real. He gave her waist a light squeeze.

“Good night, Nebbia,” he whispered.

“Good night,” she replied and leaned up to press her lips to his jaw. Then she let go and stepped away, past the threshold into her common room, waving at him as she did so.

Once the door closed behind her, he turned around and walked all the way down to the dungeons, his mind reeling as he kept remembering how soft her lips had felt and how eager she had been to kiss him back, how they had bantered as if they had known each other much, much longer. The more he thought about her, the warmer the feeling inside his stomach became, spreading through his entire body.

And for once, the nagging voices inside his head were silent.

--- -> Read all chapters on AO3 <- ---

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[questforgalas]

Who are your favorite clones and your top headcanons about them?

Oh my god. Is there a character limit on this? This is the topic I could give a 2 hour presentation on with 5 minutes to prep

Ok so if I had to be really honest with myself, there is really only one TCW clone who is my favorite (others I like, but none have latched on the way he has) and that's Rex (if you know my blog, this is probably the least surprising thing I've ever written). Fives, Wolffe, and Gregor are honorable mentions, but Rex had me since second 1 of his screen time in the TCW movie.

Then came along the Bad Batch, but again, if I'm being honest with myself, I like the batch as a whole, and they're definitely my comfort squad, but only one has truly been my favorite since he walked off the Marauder in their intro arc in TCW, and it's Crosshair (I know, another shocker here)

Thanks for the ask!! Flood my inbox with asks if you so please 💖💖

I'm putting my HCs for them under the cut because I have no control with these two and this will be long lol

Rex

First things first, Rex is the definition of "work hard, play hard". Not that he's out partying all the time - I don't see him as a 79s frequenter at all actually - but that when he's off duty or the 501st actually have some time to relax, he's laughing and joking with his brothers and COs. He's not a stick in the mud at all, and he gets involved in pranks just as often as Fives, he's just better at avoiding the paperwork.

Ahsoka is like a little sister to him, and those two are best friends. When she left, it was the first time the 501st ever saw Rex unable to speak after a debrief and have to walk away to find somewhere private to grieve. He took it just as hard as Anakin to watch his little sister walk away, but unlike Anakin, he understood her reasoning and as hurt as he was, he was proud of her for sticking to her honor and to herself

Cody is the commander he's closest to, but Wolffe is the one he looks up to the most. Wolffe's pack instinct and drive to rescue all in need resonates with Rex and how he leads the 501st.

He's one of the most socially awkward individuals to ever come off of Kamino. Put him in a strategy briefing or in the middle of battle, and he's as calm and collected as a Jedi. Elevator ride with a CO and needs to make small talk? Absolute disaster. Obi-Wan picks up on this and purposely seeks out to stick himself in small talk situations with Rex for pure entertainment

Rex's favorite missions are relief missions because he loves seeing his brothers get to interact with the locals. He's a huge softy for kids, especially ones in war torn areas, and as soon as he's done with his duties, he'll organize a pick up game of anything between the local kids and the 501st. It distracts the kids from their situation and lets his brothers let loose. He's easily goaded into joining, usually by Jesse or Echo (before the citadel)

Crosshair

In my opinion, he's the most misinterpreted clone in the Batch, possibly of all the clones, but I digress

His relationship with the batchers: Tech: I'm not fully onboard with the "Tech and Crosshair are tube twins HC", but I definitely see them as very close. Crosshair is able to give Tech something the others can't which is someone who can sit for an indefinite amount of time and just listen. I think especially when they were cadets, Tech was easily excitable about new discoveries or new tinkerings, and Crosshair - being literally trained to sit in a sniper's nest for lord knows how long - would happily plop down and listen so Tech could exert the energy. Sometimes he cleaned his rifle, sometimes he just sat and listened. This extended into later years, and even though Tech didn't need to talk so much, it became a comfort to have each other sitting next to the other Echo: They didn't have as much time to bond, but I think these two bonded very quickly after Echo joined up. Similar to how Crosshair and Tech bonded, since Echo hates being alone, Crosshair was able to ease that panic by just sitting with him. Not necessarily talking or anything, just sitting and being; however, the comfort of it often eased Echo into telling stories of his days from the 501st, especially of Fives, and when he did, Crosshair would put down whatever he was doing (let's be honest, probably cleaning his rifle) and listen intently. Crosshair was also the most observant and sympathetic to Echo during his recovery. It would be quiet actions, but he'd check in with Echo more frequently than the others and make sure his new bro was doing ok Wrecker: Ohhhhh baby do I love their dynamic. Crosshair is the emo kid who adores his family but never wants to show it while Wrecker doesn't know how to interact without showing emotion, and Crosshair's warning glares mean nothing to him. These two were Hunter's #1 headache cause as cadets because Crosshair would encourage Wrecker into whatever crazy idea he had Hunter: The closest. All of the OG batchers are very close, but Hunter and Crosshair are another level. 1. They bonded over their enhanced skills (enhanced senses and enhanced eye site require a special kind of understanding) 2. Crosshair challenged Hunter as a leader and strategist not to be snarky, but to make sure their family always got out. He'd grill Hunter on strategies and the holes in each of them until they were perfect 3. Their closeness was very evident to me during their TCW arc with how often Hunter and Crosshair silently communicated with each other. This bled over into TBB E1, but those interactions were obviously short lived. They seek out each other's gazes the most

He sleeps on his stomach. It's second nature to him as a sniper, and even if he falls asleep on his side, he will 100% of the time wake up on his stomach

He and Tech were the pranksters of the group. They were nightmares as cadets, and when Echo joined them, their pranking ways picked up again as he taught them a few new ones he and Fives deployed on the 501st a time or two

He will be the first to die for his family. Hunter would work to get everyone out, but Crosshair would be the first to sacrifice himself so Hunter's plan had more time. He would've jumped after Tech out of that cable car if he didn't already have him with his rifle attachment

His giving love language is acts of service, but his receiving love language is physical touch/words of affirmation. The guy just needs to be reassured ok??? Wrap him in every blanket imaginable, he'll purr like a cat

Thank you for the ask!!