#i'm able to distract myself for a second and then when i'm alone with my thoughts it all rushes back to me

[luckyagain]

.

[hearts4chriss]

Texas baby.

Angry!Boyfriend Chris x Needy Poc! Girlfriend

prompt: while Chris is filming with his brothers and Sam and Colby you send me a bunch of thirsty texts and images to distract him. Fortunately and unfortunately it works but at what cost?

Part 7

Contains: PURE FILTHY SMUT! humiliation, semi-public, balcony sex, ROUGH! CHRIS, degrading, hair pulling, dacryphilia, overstimulation, use of pet names, hair pulling, ass slapping, choking, photography, dirty talk, spanking, heavy aftercare

A/n: THIS IS DEDICATED TO THE AMAZING & TALENTED GIRL @luv4kozume I LOVE U SO MUCH MAMA ( my mother ) THANK YOU SOOO MUCH FOR ALWAYS BEING THERE IM SO GLAD I FOUND U AND IM SO PROUD OF YOU UR ALMOST @2k🤭🤭

Damnit Chris

Chris Matt and nick were here in Texas to film a collab w Sam and colby and he begged me to come along.

But since he left I’ve been feeling soooo horny for him, I haven’t been able to get him alone of course since he’s here for the collab and I wanted him to explore where I’m from ( surprise :) )

But it’s his fault, he’s been doing things in purpose.

The way he’d hug me from behind pressing his boner into my ass, the way he’d “accidently” grab my tit whenever I’d be out with him and his brothers since we got here.

Oh and his little flirty comments,

“Sorry sweetheart, my fault princess, you need something ma?, you look so pretty mama” all his stupid shit now has me wet and I can’t do anything for hours until he gets back

I had an idea. I was gonna make him pay

I knew how Chris felt whenever I teased him in public, which is exactly why I sent it. It would always end in really, really rough sex.

But we were in a hotel so I'm not sure how this would go but since he was filming with Sam and Colby I hope he doesn't get too upset.

Chris Pov

I was with my brothers and sam and colby as I had just seen the last of my girls texts.

My dick pressed achingly against my pants I swore I felt pre-cum in my boxers. those fucking pictures.

And it only got worse as I tried fixing myself when they weren't looking, just the though of her sitting on the hotel bed in a thong and a sheer black robe covering her made me almost nut in my pants.

I could not wait to bend her over the balcony and fuck her so good, let everyone know shes mine.

Throughout the rest of us filming, I began to get angry and even more pissed off with her sending me those.

She had me turned on, for hours, knowing I couldn't do shit about it.

I was gonna ruin that ass the second I got back. She wants to act like a slut? i'll fuck her like one.

1:27am

I was still awake, I had been laying on the bed before I heard the hotel room door open.

“Hey baby how filming.” I said turning around giving him a clear view of my plump breasts through the sheer material along with the thong hugging at my hips he tried to regain focus.

“You think that shits funny? Sending me that while im in public and making me hard hm?” He spoke in almost a growl his hand wrapping around my throat squeezing a bit and I shook my head and squeezed harder.

“N-no I-dont mphm think its funny-“ I choked out and he let out a scoff before releasing his grip.

“Outside, balcony, bend over.” Was what he instructed and I did so removing the robe walking outside as he followed me smacking my ass and I whimpered

“Faster, slut you wanna get fucked so bad I suggest you move quicker.” Chris said with a teasing tone as I scurried outside bending over and resting my arms on the rails the cool breeze hitting my nipples as they hardened.

“You know what's coming now baby?” Chris spoke in almost a baby-like voice rubbing his hands over the curves of my ass.

before I could speak he lays a harsh smack across my ass I jolt forward gripping onto the rail tightly.

“Don't make a sound yeah? Just be a good girl.” He speaks leaving a kiss on my neck before leaving another smack

“Your, smack, such, smack, a, smack, fucking, smack, slut, smack.” Chris said quickly through gritted teeth as I bit my lip from any groans or whimpers, also ignoring the way my pussy throbbed each time he smacked my ass.

“Fuck-“ he says under his breath fumbling with his pants undoing his belt letting his pants fall to the ground kicking them off before sliding down my thong letting his dick slap on my ass spreading the pre-cum a bit.

“You think you deserved to be fucked?” Think you deserve my cock hm? He said waiting for my answer as I tried to form the words he got irritated smacking my ass.

“You better answer me sweetheart, or you won't even get the tip.” Chris said in a mocking tone.

“P-please Chris- I'm sorry I-promise-“ I choke out my words falling out all over the place and he chuckles spreading my legs before forcing all of him inside me.

He normally would give me time to adjust but he was fucking pissed, he immediately began ramming into my pussy balls deep inside me, his hand grasping my shoulder making it easier to thrust.

“O-oh f-fucking shit Chris!” my jaw slack moaning his name loudly almost forgetting we were outside, but it felt so euphoric feeling him so far gone inside me.

“shit ma so fuckin tight on my dick, such a slut.” He grunted continuing to abuse my cunt letting it coat his cock easily sliding in and out, well pounding.

at the pace he was going, I could cum in probably a minute or two, and I knew chris was gonna make me his cum slut for my behaviour just a few hours ago, I was so fucked.

“shit shit- fuck!- feels so fucking good oh shitt!” I screamed biting my lip from my moans bound to has granted us a noise complaint but boy he did not like.

“Open your fucking mouth, you wanted this right? For me to fuck you like the whore you are?” He said smacking my ass again inserting his fingers into my mouth through my lips.

He continued his pace whilst I made a mess on his fingers from how hard and rough he was going I couldn't keep up as I drooled on his fingers, my ass slapping hard and quick on his pelvis allowing his cock to hit my g-spot every thrust, my stomach already gained the familiar sensation.

“Look at that, already about to cum so pathetic baby.” He chuckles removing his fingers from my mouth so he could pull my hair tightly thrusting harder making a clapping senation.

“FUCK im cumming f-fuck-“ cries of his name flew from my parted lips as my cum began dripping down his length allowing his warm thick load to shoot inside me, but he didn't even slow his pace allowing my eyes to shoot up from sensitivity.

“S-sensitive Chris!” I cried out gripping tightly on the balcony rails and feeling my legs already close in before he reached down spreading them apart leaning over to my ear.

“Nu-uh sweetheart, you wanted this remember?” He mocked leaving a lick on the sensitive spot on my neck making my breath hitch like he knew it would letting his cock ram deep inside me as our cum mixed creating a stick sound.

“such a dirty slut for me aren't you.” He sighs deeply allowing his eyes to roll back at the sight of me so fucked out on his cock.

“F-fuck yes yes- such a slut for you Chris-“ I cry out resting my head sideways on the rails and squeezing my eyes shut to let my mind drift away as it clouded it up from how he was fucking the shit out of me.

“Good girl, so fucking good f'me.” Chris's voice dropped an octave as he was so focused on fucking me till I saw stars it felt, thats when, The sticky sounding was replaced by a squelching wet sensation.

“Fuckk chris- I-“ I groaned my legs quivering as I began squirting over his cock and lower stomach, I could've sworn he would have stopped by now but he didn't

“oh god-“ I said feeling my eyes well up with tears as my legs nearly caved in at the overstimulation and he chuckle admiring how my wetness glistened in the faint light of the moon on the balcony.

“Love this fuckin pussy so much, fits so perfectly around me-“ chris moaned his brown locks sticking to his forehead as his arm wrapped around my torso to squeeze my tit making me whimper my legs began to shake a bit.

“come on ma one more, being such a good girl.” He praises his hand reaching down to rub my puffy clit chuckling at the heat of it as I squirmed tears falling down my face from the overwhelming pleasure.

Chris reached over to the hair grabbing phone putting it side ways and recording in front of me.

“Tell everyone how much a whore you were acting baby hm?” He said still thrusting deeply inside me.

“I-fuck- s-such a whore- for y-you-“ I said panting, almost like a dog my tears on my cheeks as I could hardly form a sentence.

Fucked her so good she can barley speak, fucked her dumb with my cock. He chuckled looking at the camera before setting it down as I could barley support my body weight at this point, my orgasm quickly was approaching.

“Oh fuck fuck I-its- so close-“ My toes curled into the ground allowing everything to entirely take over as I couldn't even process what was happening.

“fuck baby- cum, all over this dick.” He groans his teeth grazing over my shoulder as I shutter in his grasp.

“FUCK- C-cumming s-so fucking good-“ I squealed as I began to cream his dick for the 3rd time as he slowed his thrusts just enough so he could finish inside me again before slowly pulling out.

I try and hold my body up for a bit before chris pulls me into him, my chest heaving as my tears stained my face, our cum dripping out of my abused pussy and my body covered in a thin layer of sweat.

“F-fuck Chris-“ I shake against the balcony rails barely holding myself up before Chris rubbed my shoulder placing a kiss.

“Shh I got you baby.” He whispered in a comforting voice gently picking me up bridle style allowing my head to rest on his chest as he carried me to the bathroom allowing a bath to run for me.

He got a warm cloth pushing my legs apart cleaning my inner thighs first since I'd be more sensitive in between.

“You ready? let me know if it's too much okay?” Chris kissed my forehead and I nodded as he cautiously pressed the warm cloth to my heat cleaning me up being careful to not make me wince.

My bath was ready so he held me again placing me in as i sigh leaning against the back of his as He sat behind me.

“Want me to take ur hair out mama?” or do you wanna keep it in.

“T-take it out.” I sigh tiredly and he smiles grabbing the baby scissors.

He was precise and careful taking my weeve out, I made sure to teach him how to do it so he wouldn't cut my hair and he didn't

Once taken out he undid the braids underneath it beginning to givev my scalp a small massage and I rest my head in his hands.

Your hairs gorgeous baby. He says quietly and I look at him and smile.

Eventually he got me out the bath allowing me to dry off with some support, he carried me to our bed.

“Here you go.” chris smiles handing me a pair of panties and one of his T shirts.

“I'll be right back okay?” He says and I nod as he leaves the room and I’m confused but I’m honestly too tired to even think

I put my bonnet on and wait for him

around 5 minutes later chris comes back with two cokes and a bag of takis.

“I know these are your favorite snacks so.” He shrugs handing them to me before taking off his shirt climbing into the bed with me in his grey sweats.

Thank you. I smile at him

“Of course ma, come here.” He says and I get closer to him laying my head on his chest.

“Thank you for taking such good care of me baby.” I say tiredly and he chuckled.

“Oh don't thank me, it’s my job sweetheart to do that and make you feel so good and plus I think we woke everyone up anyway.” He chuckles

“Oh shit- probably.” I shake my head as we both errupted into laughter.

The rest of that night ( 20 minutes )consisted of us watching TV and eating my snacks before I drifted off to sleep 20 minutes later.

“Goodnight gorgeous.”Chris mutters leaving a kiss to my clothed shoulder turning of the lights cuddling me as we fell asleep.

Taglisttt

@mattsleftnipple03 @bernardsleftbootycheek @sturniolopowers @gdsvhtwa @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @worldlxvlys @chrisslut25 @princessbetsy123-blog @mattslolita @guccifrog @blahbel668 @mattsneezing @trickywritters @hearts4chris

@nonamegirlxsturniolo @luvmxtt @theyluv-meee @mattsnymphette @hoesformatt @luv4kozume @kikisturnioloo @itzdarling @pepsiimaxx @babyddolly @iiheartstef @junnniiieee07 @ratatioulle @ast3ro1dzz @sturniolowhore @st7rnioioss @emma4eva @braindead4l @ihearttsyouu @blondiesjailer @kqyslyho3 @sturnsfav @sunsetsturniolos @stqrnstars @dlyansworld @chrisloyalgf @soimightlikeoldmen69 @abbie13sworld @lacysturniolo @sturniol0s @chrissgirlsstuff @leah-loves-lilies @luhsexcbihh @nicksmainbitch

[turbulentscrawl]

Heyy! Could you write a most-to-least compatible with a clingy!reader with the survivors maybe?

I love your works and find myself rereading them a lot, they're really stellar!! •v•

Thank you, I'm glad you like my work!! (I added Ithaqua, I couldn't resist)

Emma wants to be with you all hours of the day, craves it. She wants to never be alone again. If you want the same, then it’s nothing short of a match made in heaven, right?

(Bonus) Ithaqua is not #1 only because he doesn’t like if you get desperate about him having to leave for matches. Like, first of all, he doesn’t get a say and there’s nothing he can do. Second of all, he enjoys terrorizing the little survivors. This is his Me-Time. Any other time he adores having you wrapped around his finger—and a little separation pouting is endearing, but any more than that and he gets frustrated.

Eli is incredibly patient. He loves your company and doesn’t mind a shadow most of the time. But as he’s somewhat of a figurehead and confidant in the manor, he will sometimes need private time with other inhabitants. It’s for their privacy, you see, surely you understand. Otherwise, he doesn’t mind you sticking by his side!

Andrew won’t ever say it, but you liking his company so much sooths a lot of his soul-aches and worries. He does like some occasional quiet time, but otherwise he likes that you would choose time with him over time alone.

Antonio loves his darling’s company…but he also knows it’s important to give his friends some quality time too. (And he has a good amount of friends, despite fate’s intentions.) It’s only fair, right? Surely you can wait a bit. He’ll find you again later to share a bottle of wine.

Ganji similarly likes a good amount of time with his partner…but he’s also quite used to being alone and gets irritable when he doesn’t get any decompression time alone. Make sure he gets like five hours to do his own thing, and he’ll be alright the rest of the time.

Melly doesn’t know what to do with you most of the time. It’s not that she dislikes having you around, but rather she feels awkward. Is she…supposed to be doing something with you? Is she expected to entertain you? She’ll deal with this better after some reassurance and comfort, but otherwise struggles with subconscious expectations about her duties as a partner.

Emily can appreciate clinginess from a medical standpoint. You’ve got some abandonment wounds, yes? You’re afraid of being left behind. She will do her best to accommodate you, but unfortunately she has to work the infirmary most nights and you can’t just loiter in there. Respect her work hours and she’ll make it work the rest of the time.

Orpheus is busy with his own things a good chunk of the time, but as long as it’s not anything private he doesn’t mind sharing space with you. You can even sit on his lap while he’s busy writing…just don’t distract him with inane chatter. And when he says he’s busy, respect that.

Norton avoids you for your own good, alright? Don’t make this difficult. He’s not answering any questions about the hows and the whys, and begging will get you nowhere. When he’s able to have you around, rest assured he’ll be around. He wants to be around you. But whenever he leaves you be, it’s because you’re safer that way.

Luchino also has work. Even in the manor, he’s not giving up on his research, his life’s work. It’s better if you let him come to you. Make plans with him; he’ll never be late, never forget you. But he has work and even as his s/o you can’t be allowed to distract him.

[kassiekole22]

At First Sight

Pairing: Syzoth X Fem!Reader Description: On a mission to cause a great diversion, Syzoth gets distracted when he lays eyes on a gorgeous woman who sits all alone at one of her family's biggest festivals.  Warnings: None... Word Count: 508 A/N: I'm sorry this turned out so short. I didn't know how far I could go with this, especially since I wrote the first fic before watching the game. So I tried to keep the reason he was there discreet so it would make sense for both my story and the canon story. But I'd be willing to do a part two where it fits in with the canon storyline, if that's what you guys want. Anyway, more Syzoth x Fem!Reader requests are coming soon. 💚 Main MasterList: 🖤 Kassie's Angels: @lorebite, @mornandil, @bihansthot, @katiralovely, @queenkhepri, @blackbunnymayw, @simpforhotmaskedmen, @theleftkittycollection, @kiashines. (If you want to be added to the taglist, let me know in the comments! 🖤)

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As soon as my feet touched the shingles of the roof, I was on the run. I scurried across as fast as I could before stopping at the very edge and looking below to see if I had been noticed. Fortunately, everyone was too busy enjoying their time at some festival the royals had thrown. Everyone danced and mingled with each other without a single care disturbing their perfect night. For a moment, I pondered what it would be like if I was able to do that with my people — to be one with them once again — but I knew that would never happen; that was just the sad truth.

I shook myself out of my moment of reflection before turning back to my mission, since this was clearly no time to be taking my mind away from it. So I waited and watched on the rooftop, studying everything below me and trying to decide where and when it would be best to cause my diversion. Everybody was heavily distracted with dancing and talking with their friends and family so I decided that now was the best time to make my first move, but then my eyes landed upon someone different.

A young girl — dressed in a beautiful (favorite color) dress with her hair done all up — sat alone with a rather melancholy expression etched on her features. In fact, she seemed to have no desire to participate in her people's antics at all. She looked too rich to be a normal lower-class person like the others surrounding her, so I figured she was a part of the royal family. But what I didn't understand was why she seemed so down and... Alone.

It was a moment that I was grateful that one of my Zaterran abilities was brilliant sight, so I could see every detail of her — the way her eyebrows turned up due to sorrow, her pink lips forming a straight line until she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, her beautiful (E/C) eyes twinkling under the lanterns' light — she truly was a sight to behold.

I watched her patterns for a moment — watched how she slowly brought her drink to her lips every minute or so and how she nervously played with the few strains of hair that fell gracefully over her shoulder. It was as if everything she did — even the most natural things known to her kind — were done in the most beautiful way. I could feel my heart beating faster and faster by the second and then when I got that burning desire to be near her and never far from her presence, I realized that she was the one. I just had to have her all to myself.

I wanted to learn more about her; I had to… Soon. But for the time being, I had to finish my mission. It was too important to let anything distract me from it, no matter how beautiful the distraction may be. Maybe once the fire is out and the smoke is cleared, I'll see the beauty once again.

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[justanotherwriter140]

Kung Fu Panda 4 - The Movie

The last really, really long discussion post (for now).

Major spoilers ahead!

This review is full of spoilers, so please refrain from reading through it until you've watched KFP4. I would highly suggest doing so, as I want everyone to form their own opinions without my influence. The movie has its flaws (some of which admittedly being a bit distracting), but it's a fun film that has things to offer.

Kung Fu Panda 4 is a fun movie (take that as you will) that takes its audience on an action-packed, surprisingly funny, yet relatively contained adventure on which Po doesn't really do much. It's an inconsequential, safe sequel that doesn't really hurt the franchise but adds close to nothing.

I had a good time watching the movie. It was obviously produced with its theater experience in mind and the action scenes especially reflected that priority. The humor was actually funny sometimes and I enjoyed Po and Zhen's dynamic. During the film, I was able to put most (most!) of my grievances aside and take the movie for what it is. I've discovered that the best way to watch KFP4 is with low expectations and an open mind.

I have a lot of things to say about KFP4, both complaints and compliments (though the former might be taking the forefront in this review), and I hope this review can help those of you who have seen the movie organize your thoughts. I've been having a lot of trouble with that specific aspect of things myself. Those who get it get it.

With that said, let's get into my full review of KFP4! I've been waiting for nearly 2 years to write this and I'm so excited to share every single thought.

I'm going to follow the format of my first discussion post and curate a bulleted list of my thoughts, followed by an analysis of each of these points. Keep in mind that everything I say is IMO and this is more of a rant post than anything else.

Here are my main points:

The Furious Five's role is comically minuscule in the context of the film. Their actions are inconsequential and add nothing to the plot (a confirmed last-minute add), and they have 30~ seconds of screen time. Shifu is also largely irrelevant.

Mr. Ping and Li's presence has little to no effect on the movie (though I won't complain too much because they were pretty fun to watch and this movie has bigger problems). In almost any scenario, I am adamantly against having characters present that don't add anything to the narrative; however, Mr. Ping is an exception. I love Mr. Ping. James Hong is a gem.

Zhen's screen time is not utilized well and her character is underdeveloped. She definitely wasn't annoying, but I didn't find her either compelling or funny enough to warrant the screen time she was given, especially considering it wasn't used to establish a backstory/strong motives. This makes me feel bad for the character because the movie kind of screwed her out of any substantial development.

The Chameleon, while complimented greatly by Viola Davis, is an underwhelming villain. Viola Davis is amazing in this film and I would suggest watching it for her performance if for nothing else, but the Chameleon is underwhelming considering the super cool concept behind the character.

The film feels very rushed. Apologies to those who disagree, but I think the pacing is atrocious and the final fight is anticlimactic. The movie felt like a word-vomit with no discernible intermissions that stops abruptly when the film ends.

I felt as though Po didn't change/grow as a person and the audience never had a chance to either bond with or relate to his character. His internal struggle is kept to a minimum and we don't spend a moment alone with him as an audience, which is disorienting and distracting. Watching the film felt like running into an old friend at the store who's too in a rush to have a real conversation.

The action scenes were strong with few exceptions. Creative art direction was utilized and I thought the martial arts choreography was entertaining and dynamic. I love the color palette of the film and many scenes were very impressive visually.

With my main points established, I do believe it's ranting time. Strap in, folks.

Let's start strong with the Furious Five: I'm gutted. Chagrined, despondent, crestfallen, etc.

The lack of the Furious Five negatively affects KFP4 so much, because not only does their absence hurt the atmospheric integrity of KFP as a franchise, it also forces KFP4 to bring in a slew of different characters—all while still noncommittally including the FF at the very end because I believe the marketing team required it—that clog up the cast a bit. It all goes to show how important strong, established side characters are.

The Furious Five are side characters, but the role of "side character" does not equate to being irrelevant, expendable, or exchangeable. I recognize that the Furious Five aren't super developed as characters beyond a handful of lines that allude to traits sprinkled sparingly among the members; however, I believe that the tiny bits of development we have been given have proved impactful in the past. Tigress's development in KFP2 is a prime example of how much narratively conscious changes (however small they may be) can positively affect these movies.

Because of limited runtimes, the Furious Five often operate as more of a singular unit than five individuals. Even so, I don't think discarding them is valid. They're so important to the KFP universe (to Po's universe!) and not having them with him feels so wrong. The Furious Five are fully integral to the heart of Kung Fu Panda, which is why I believe a lot of those who have seen the new movie have expressed something feeling "off" or something being missing.

I agree with this sentiment. To me, KFP4 didn't feel like a KFP movie. I don't need a Furious Five spin-off movie and I can be fully content with a KFP5 centered around Po's journey as an individual as was intended from the beginning, but he can't carry an entire movie on his back. As strong as he is in every sense of the word, he is only one character. He's the centerpiece of the franchise, but a centerpiece can only go so far without the rest of the design, so to speak.

For me, the Furious Five's absence is one of this film's biggest faults. It's huge and glaring. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, either, because the friends with whom I saw the film refused to talk about any other aspect of the movie after seeing it. Seeing them at the end was better than nothing, of course, but it was a disappointing culmination after eight years of waiting.

That all is to say I feel robbed. Despite all of this, though, I understand that there were reasons why the Furious Five weren't included in the movie. I don't believe the production team would exclude the Furious Five unless they weren't given a choice.

Shifu and Po's dynamic continues to be thoroughly delightful but their interactions are short and simplified. I would have loved to see more of them in this film, especially considering the extreme relevance of teacher-student relationships in KFP4. I (somewhat) digress, though, because the idea of Shifu having to live at the Jade Palace with only Po for an extended period of time is hilarious enough on its own. Maybe that's what the short film is about!

The comedy is odd but has some jokes that stand out. Po maintains a healthy relationship with his inner sass, which I think makes him more fun to watch and kind of eradicates the man-child verdict. Some jokes don't land, of course, but I genuinely thought KFP4 had some funny moments. Mr. Ping was consistently awesome and Po had some good lines sprinkled throughout the film.

As for Mr. Ping, he and Li Shan are the subjects of the film's B-plot as they follow Po to Juniper City out of shared concern for their son's safety. In my mind, they don't add anything to the story that couldn't have been brought about by other characters, but they had their moments of being entertaining. I enjoyed their silliness and thought they had a cute dynamic if nothing else.

Speaking of other characters, I want to discuss KFP4's deuteragonist and why I genuinely feel bad about the way her character was treated.

I want to let it be known that I'm still not on board with Po passing the Dragon Warrior torch to another character. While I agree that his arc is now calling for him to have a student, I disagree with the notion of him retiring from his DW role.

As I stated in my first discussion post:

Didn’t the initial significance and nuance of the title come from the fact that there is only one person who can be the Dragon Warrior, because the concept of the “Dragon Warrior” isn’t so much a title as it is Po himself? The universe (Oogway) must choose the Dragon Warrior because they are a singular being of legend. It is one person, and that person is Po. Wasn’t the point of the first film that the title ultimately doesn’t really matter because there is no “secret ingredient,” so to speak? The title doesn’t actually give Po anything. “It’s just you,” Po says, and that was the resolution.

When it comes to Zhen as a character, contrary to what I predicted I would think of her, I thought she was okay. While I was still a bit distracted by how out-of-place her design looks, I wasn't truly annoyed by her at any point and she and Po had some cute moments. Even so, I think their relationship could have been a bit more refined and developed.

While it's evident that Po and Zhen are meant to have a teacher-student/mentor-apprentice dynamic, I think their relationship feels half-baked. There were parallels that contradicted one another and ended up being confusing come the film's conclusion, and the nature of their relationship seems to vacillate depending on the scene. Additionally, the strength of their bond goes from zero to one hundred within thirty-ish minutes and left me with a bit of whiplash.

We're shown that Po and Zhen care about one another, but we're never shown why. They have a brief conversation during which they bond over being orphans, and Zhen says at one point, "You're actually a good guy," but that's it. This obvious lack of development is a bit disorienting because we're later led to believe that Zhen and Po care very deeply for one another when there's almost nothing to back it up.

A scene that sticks out to me when discussing this is when Zhen attack-hugs Po in a way that explicitly mirrors Tigress's hug from KFP2. This happens around the beginning of the third act, and while it had the potential to be an endearing moment, I think it fell flat.

The impact of Tigress's hug was brought on by her character's hardcore nature and reputation of being heartless, further strengthened with the knowledge that she was hugging Po (which was obviously way outside her comfort zone) as a show of companionship and fundamental understanding. Tigress hugged Po because he needed someone to recognize his strive for closure.

Zhen's hug had little to no impact because she had no reason to do it and it didn't indicate growth. She hugs Po because she's sorry for betraying him and doesn't want him to be killed by the Chameleon, but neither of these things are newly-established via this hug; we have already gathered by now that Zhen regrets betraying Po and doesn't want him to get hurt.

The hug is far from the movie's weakest point, but I think it's unnecessary given the context. I'm big on hugs in movies (an underutilized form of platonic affection, in my opinion), but it didn't fit here. I don't hate it, and I see it as an honest effort to bring emotionality to Po and Zhen's relationship, but it seems arbitrary.

Zhen and Po's relationship has a lot of potential and I'd be open to seeing more of them in the future, but I think some more thoughtful development needs to occur before I can humor it further. Even so, I can see myself featuring Zhen in some future post-KFP4 one-shots—sparingly, of course, because we have a lot of Furious Five content to compensate for.

Overall, they had a cute dynamic and some sweet moments but I'm not attached. I'm on board with Po having a student but I think their relationship needs a lot more development, something that this film unfortunately didn't give them time to either accomplish or earn.

Now, onto the Chameleon!

The concept of the Chameleon's character is admittedly super interesting. She's the deuteragonist's fastidious mother figure who feels that Zhen owes her a debt and as a result holds her to an impossible standard. That dynamic had the potential to be so interesting but I didn't think it was explored at all. There is no indication of Zhen having any internal conflict about fighting the Chameleon, no emotional complexity between them at all; it's disappointing because I think it would've added a bit of earnestness to the film.

Additionally, the idea of a shape-shifting villain is versatile. A shape-shifting villain gives those telling the story a lot of room to experiment with the protagonist and different ways in which the main character can be challenged and tested. It's yet another good idea utilized poorly. Just one idea: the Chameleon could have disguised herself as one (or several) of Po's family, friends, etc. and brought to fruition a new arc with his character (seeing as he arguably doesn't have one in this film), but she only disguises herself as Zhen very briefly in the movie.

Furthermore, the Chameleon completely relies on the powers of previous villains to pose any sort of threat to the main characters. She summons Po's former nemeses from the Spirit Realm (despite there being little logic in doing so considering Kai's literal evisceration) and takes their kung fu abilities for herself.

An excerpt from my first KFP4 discussion post that I think is relevant to the point I'm trying to make:

I don’t think it would be in the best interest of anyone if the past villains were to come back in any way that’s not a flashback (even then, I’m not sure I’d see the point). In all honesty, I thought that the whole point of the villains was that they died and stayed dead. They were defeated by Po once and for all as a testament to the idea of establishing Po's character growth and journey as a person through the bad things he’s able to overcome. It’d be highly contradictory to the messages of the other films if these villains were to suddenly come back.

While there was an honest effort made to portray the Chameleon as intimidating, I never felt as though any of the characters were endangered by either her or her army of lizard henchman. She's a visually appealing character (aside from her eyes, which I thought more resembled those of a gecko than a chameleon) and I greatly enjoyed Davis's performance, but overall I don't see the Chameleon as a notable villain.

The return of Tai Lung (had he been on his own) had the makings to be an excellent story, especially considering the importance of teacher-student dynamics in KFP4. To see him interacting with Shifu would have been incredible and could have led to further closure on Tai Lung's end (because I think that's kind of what the team was going for anyway), but it didn't happen.

It was nice to see Ian McShane reprise his role, but I wish Tai Lung's characterization had been more reminiscent of the way he was in the first film and more complimentary of his overall character arc. Tai Lung isn't a one-dimensional villain with a singular goal and motivation, and I couldn't help but feel as though the complexity of his character was simplified for the sake of KFP4's narrative.

Tai Lung's presence in KFP4 may be odd, but Shen and Kai's appearances are even more so. Kai, if I remember correctly, was fully obliterated by Po, reduced to literal particles on screen (which is kind of wild now that I think about it). Shen being in the Spirit Realm makes sense all things considered; however, Po and Li had no visible reaction to his presence, which seemed a bit unlikely considering Shen's deeds. This plot hole can likely be attributed to the fact that Shen and Kai's cameos (to my knowledge) were last-minute additions to the movie.

I have to talk about the pacing. I have to. I'm sorry, bear with me.

To me, the film's pacing is erratic and disconcerting. While I can appreciate a quick-moving narrative that doesn't dawdle on storylines that aren't interesting/important, KFP4 kind of flings itself too far in the opposite direction and ends up being frighteningly fast-paced. Once the credits began, I felt like I had been holding my breath for the entire movie.

KFP4 is confusing because while the runtime is standard for a KFP movie, it feels incredibly short. At the same time, the film's story moves at a breakneck speed and leaves little time for heart and development. These things culminate into a barreling boulder of a movie that simply doesn't have time to let its characters, story, or audience take a breath.

A fast pace is not inherently negative, but I don't think it worked in the favor of KFP4. The KFP franchise has always been very emotionally grounded (and just very grounded in general), so to see a film in which emotion/heart takes an aggressive backseat in comparison to action and comedy is jarring. While I think it's unreasonable for fans to expect the same emotional integrity as the original films to be present in the current and upcoming ones, I still think there's room for Po to grow and I felt as though the notion of him developing further was brushed aside in this film.

As for Po's growth, I felt it was nearly nonexistent. The previous trilogy wrapped up his character's journey beautifully and I know that KFP4 was bound to struggle with this particular aspect of making another KFP film; however, just because the strongest pillars of Po's character are established doesn't serve as a valid excuse to reverse his development and repeat what he learned in KFP3.

In KFP3, Po learned firsthand that he is capable of spreading wisdom and teaching kung fu. He also learns that he is constantly growing and that change is inevitable; there is always something more to learn.

"If you only do what you can do, you will never be more than you are now."

"I don't want to be anything more, I like who I am!"

In KFP4, Po pushes against this narrative despite fully accepting it in KFP3, actively reversing crucial parts of his character development achieved in the latter. KFP3 was non-ambiguously about learning to cope with change and responsibility, and I can't help but feel like KFP4 is simply copying this message while not adding anything to it.

Additionally, I felt that KFP4's Po generally felt less personal than he has in the past. In every KFP movie up to the franchise's most recent addition, I felt very connected to Po as an audience member. I felt like I was truly seeing the world of KFP through his eyes. I consider this to be one of the franchise's most impressive feats; it's incredibly difficult to build a universe around a character without making the audience feel limited to one perspective and one part of the world.

With KFP4, I felt both limited and disconnected. The world didn't feel as vast and all-encompassing as it has in the past and Po didn't seem fully like himself. This could be me nitpicking (as I'm prone to do), but I can't recall a single moment in the movie in which Po was alone on screen. Scenes like these are crucial for me because I see them as a meet-cute between the character and the audience, a moment for us to cross the bridge into their world in a way that's silent and intuitive. These little bonding moments are absolutely integral to feeling connected to a character.

Po's dream sequence in the first KFP movie is one of the best examples of this. It presents his aspirations, alludes to his way of life up to the point of the movie, and showcases his personality. During Po's dream sequence, the audience is quite literally inside Po's mind; we're there with him, seeing what he sees, subsequently feeling what he feels. Po is a dreamer at heart and makes the audience feel like dreamers, too.

In KFP4, I felt like I little to no point of reference when it comes to how Po was feeling. I didn't feel immersed in him and his world.

I know I've been very "doom and gloom" throughout this post, which is an exhausting mindset for everyone involved. I want to end my critique with something positive because I think some praise is deserved. Let's just say the movie could have been a lot worse, the details of which I'm sure you're all well aware.

Congratulations, you've reached the end! Thank you so much to all of you who took the time to read this unnecessarily long and detailed review. As long as I help someone translate their conflicted feelings into coherent thoughts, I'll call it a win.

KFP4 has its flaws and there are a lot of aspects that I dislike, but the I greatly admire and respect the hard work put into the film by those of the crew who put their efforts forward and tried their best to make it work. This does not at all excuse my issues with the movie, but it's worth saying.

As for the future of the series, I only hope that the next installment is more considerate of the franchise's origins and why Po's story is being told in the first place. I fully believe that another sequel could be good (even great!), but only given a strong, passionate crew with a great understanding of the characters and world (and I wouldn't be averse to some previous directors returning, just to put it out there).

Thanks again to those who took the time to read this crazy excuse for a movie review. Feel free to either disagree with me or add things in the replies/reblogs, I'm always looking for more thoughts to think.

Until next time!

[hockeyforbabes]

Connor and Amber's first kiss?

Master List

First Kiss

February 2024- Amber's Pov

"Connor?" I call entering his apartment.

A few weeks ago after Connor broke his jaw he gave me a key to his apartment when I was insistent on taking care of him. His stubbornness kept him from accepting my help for a while but I think he knew for once in his life he couldn't handle something alone.

The first few days were a constant battle of him wanting to do more than he was supposed to and complaining I was treating him like a baby. Thankfully he couldn't really talk so I won the arguments. I did my best not to step on his toes but he's also my best friend and I was worried. Undoubtedly we have grown even closer in the past few weeks as he has allowed me to be one of the few people he leans on.

"In here!" he calls and I follow his voice into the kitchen.

Turning the corner I see him standing at the stove in sweats fresh from his post-practice shower and I take a second to stare before he realizes I'm there. I've always found Connor attractive but seeing his vulnerable side recently has just taken the attraction and my feelings to another level. He doesn't need that kind of distraction right now though, so I keep my butterflies to myself.

Breaking myself from my daze I speak up, "What are you cooking?"

He turns around finally noticing me in the kitchen and smiles, "uh just a chicken taco recipe my mom sent me."

"Are you sure that won't hurt your jaw?" I ask unable to stop my worry.

"Amber I'm fine," he sighs, "I actually have good news about that."

I perk up and urge him to go on, "I had my appointment with the trainers and team doctors today, and they decided I'm ready to start playing in games again next week." He says with the biggest smile I've seen from him in a while.

"Connor that's amazing!" I exclaim pulling him into a hug, "I told you it would happen soon."

"I know, I'll have to wear a bubble for a while but I'm ready to get back in there," He says hugging me back.

"I'm sure you'll look cute in your bubble," I tease.

He laughs before pulling back to look at me, "Look I just want to say thank you, I know I was a pain in the ass and I complained a lot but I wouldn't have been able to do this without you."

My heart warms at the sincerity in his voice, "Connor I never would have let you go through that alone, you don't need to thank me."

"I know but I'm serious I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't had you," He says firmly trying to ensure I know how much he means his words.

In the time I've known Connor, I haven't seen him this serious unless he is talking about hockey and I can feel something shifting in the air between us.

"I don't know what I would do without you," He says softer making eye contact.

"You don't have to know, I'm not going anywhere," I laugh trying to ease some tension.

"Yeah but," he says pausing, "Amber I don't want to find out what I'd have to do if you weren't in my life."

"Connor," I whisper.

"No, let me finish okay? Since the day you showed up on my doorstep screaming for a fire extinguisher, I knew you were someone I needed to be around. I wasn't sure why, but I just knew I needed to know you. The past few months of us being friends I just found myself being drawn to you more and more. Then I got hurt and you showed up on my doorstep again but this time demanding I let you stay by my side. The last few weeks have done nothing but solidify the feelings I have for you. I want to have you around all the time, I want to lean on you when I need someone, I want to sit on the couch and make you laugh or hold you when you cry at stupid movies. I haven't said anything because I don't want to even imagine a reality where you aren't around let alone live one so I kept quiet and tried to be satisfied just being your friend. That's not working though, and I can't spend another day pretending I just want to be your friend when the way I feel about you is anything but friendly." He says all in one breath like if he doesn't get it out he might die.

I stand there unable to form words as I take in everything he just said. The room has fallen silent except for the sound of our breathing and the food on the stove.

"Please say something Amber," He pleads

All the things I've wanted to say to him are stuck in my throat and so I do the next best thing. Stepping forward I pull him in by his shirt and crash my lips to his.

He takes a second to recover before he quickly wraps his hands around my waist and kisses me back. The kiss is slow like we are saying everything with our lips that we can't with words.

I pull back after a second, "I've had feelings for you too for a while, I just felt like it wasn't the right time with everything going on."

"It could never be the wrong time with you," He says before kissing me again.

This time the kiss is faster and more desperate like he is trying to make up for every time he has wanted to kiss me before and I kiss him back with the same intensity. His grip on my waist tightens and he pulls me flush against him. I let out a small sound of surprise and he uses the opportunity to deepen the kiss.

A deep groan leaves him as our tongues meet and it sends a shiver straight down my spine. His lips are soft yet dominant against mine and it's better than the thousand times I imagined it in my head. I let go of my grip on his shirt and slide my hands up his chest wrapping my arms around his shoulders.

He lets out a low moan at my touch and walks me backward pressing me against the counter. As I'm getting lost in the haze of his touch a loud alarm goes off making me jump.

"Connor the chicken," I pull back trying to remind him.

"I don't give a fuck about the chicken," He says burying his face in my neck starting to drag kisses down my jaw.

I almost get pulled back into him but a smell hits my nose and when I move to look I yell out, "No Connor the chicken is on fire!"

"What?!" He says finally pulling back and spinning around, "Oh shit!"

He quickly takes the chicken off the stove dumping it in the sink with water. When the fire is out we stand there for a second before I burst out in laughter and Connor starts softly chuckling.

"Very on brand for our first kiss," I laugh.

He smiles and places a soft and short kiss on my lips, "Yeah it is, so takeout?"

Author's note <3

I hope y'all like this one because I really do and I just love making Connor a simp for Amber. Per usual keep sending requests and have fun reading!

[hey-its-roseaurum]

Guilty Until Proven Innocent: Part II

A/N: Hello again everyone, it's been a minute. I couldn't post this part until @lainiespicewrites finished her part. This part was fun and extremely difficult to write, so if it ends up being a dumpster fire, then I'm sorry. Hopefully not. Anyway hope you enjoy it and let me know your thoughts.

Synopsis: After the agreement to work with Sherlock, Olivia was given an address to meet and discuss the plan. Once she arrives, she discovers something about Sherlock that not a lot of people get to see.

“221 Baker’s Street.  You didn’t mention that it would be on the second floor Sherlock”  I huffed to myself as I made my way up the stairs.  The night before Sherlock had briefly explained that I had to meet him at a specific location tomorrow.  He said he would give me all the information I needed.  When asked why he couldn’t mention it here, he mentioned he wanted to be safe before revealing crucial details about a case. 

So here I am, trudging up the stairs.  

And I hate every second of it.

But I push through my heavy breathing until I make it to the final step.  It wasn’t until I could breathe evenly that I knocked on the door.

A heavy pause lingered in the air before the door creaked open.

“You’re late.”  A gruff voice sliced the air.  Sherlock stood right in front of me, one hand on the door, the other holding a pipe.  

“Sorry.  I had a hard time finding this place.”  He stepped aside, leaving a glimpse of inside his flat.  A silent invitation.  “You never mentioned that this place was on the second floor.  Those stairs were brutal.”

“One should always have steps, to avoid people stepping on you.”  Sherlock merely stated, his eyes tracking my movements as I passed the threshold into his place.

“Umm…I’m not sure I entirely follow.  But I’m pretty sure-”  I stopped suddenly as my brain caught up with what was happening around me.  The hairs on my neck stood up as I felt my breath catch in my throat.  I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

Everything, even parts of the floor was consumed by documents of varying sizes.  Some were folded, some were ripped.  There were even some with tea stains.  Not one seat, save for one in the middle of the flat, wasn’t covered by some degree.

How can someone live, let alone work, in a place like this?

One of my main pet peeves is cleanliness.  It’s been instilled in me ever since I was able to move.  My mother always said that a clean house is a clear mind.  I tried my best to make my home as clean and decluttered as I could; even when I was at the small cottage.

But to see someone as put together on the outside live in such a state, especially someone like Sherlock Holmes,   says something about their mind…

I bit my bottom lip and drew my attention away from the mess and towards the smoke trailing behind Sherlock.  It took everything in my power to distract myself

“So…what is it that you need me to do exactly?”

Sherlock had traveled to the other side of the flat, completely avoiding the papers.  He puffed on his pipe, his face strained in thought. 

“There is a performance at The Reform tonight.  It appears to be a central location that the suspect likes to visit.  His latest victim had been a showgirl.  I need you to go in and see if you can retrieve any belongings of the two victims.”  My eyebrows creased together in question.

“Pardon?  Two questions.  You mentioned ‘latest victim’.  There’s more than one victim.  Why has it not been mentioned in the newspapers?  Two, if I go in, how do we know that their belongings are still there?  They could be gone by now.”  

“Due to the budget of the showroom and the amount of performers it takes to run a show, the items won’t be touched.  The show requires six performers to perform without any hindrance.  So far the show has five currently.  It will not run unless they have the right number of people to perform all of the acts.  The police haven’t connected the string of murders to one suspect yet.  They believe that there is no connection and no motive between the two.”  So there has been another murder, but it hasn’t been revealed to the public.  Why?  

It doesn’t make sense.  There was only one mention of a death that had claimed to be murder, at least from what I can recall.  The only other thing that has been repeatedly mentioned is about a new entertainment business coming to London.  It had been on the front page three consecutive times.  But the murders and the entertainment show can’t be connected, can they? 

“Olivia, have I lost you?”  Sherlock’s voice grew in my ears like thunder in a growing storm, shocking me out of my thoughts.

“NO!….no.”  I jerked my gaze to meet his.  My eyes trailed back to the ground and focused on each paper.  It took most of my attention to avoid stepping on any of the documents on the ground.  “Please continue.”  Sherlock stared at me momentarily, taking a puff of his pipe before continuing.

“I’ll need you to pose as one of the new dancers hired for the show.  You will be given access to their belongings.  Look for any personal belongings related to the victim, acquire them, and exit before the show begins.  Do you have any questions?”

“One question actually, um…if there are five performers and I’m posing as the sixth one, what is stopping the showrunner from putting me in the actual performance?”  I felt a slight quiver in my voice when the question left my lips.  My nerves felt like they were beginning to light on fire, and my breathing quickened with each passing thought of having to go on a stage.  

“Because there is a sixth performer.  You are to get in and leave before they arrive. Try not to run into them before you get what you need.”

“Oh…ok, great.”  I swallowed hard, feeling my anxiety growing.  How am I supposed to know what I’m supposed to grab?  I don’t know anything about the victim.  What if I take the wrong item?  What if I can’t even make it inside?  Even if I make it inside, there’s no guarantee that I won’t get caught.  If I did then everything would be for naught.  I’d end up in jail with no money to get bailed out.  I would let the victims’ families down, and let the murderer have another chance to strike.  Worst of all, I’d have the greatest detective in the world disappointed in me and regret ever allowing me to work with him.  

Keep it together Olivia.

“You look troubled.  What is it?”  His words sounded far away with the ringing in my ears.  I swallowed hard, trying to keep my composure.

“It’s nothing.  It’s not pertaining to the case.”  My voice felt out of place like it wasn’t me talking.  I felt like I wasn’t in my own body. I didn’t want Sherlock to know my doubts about this task.  We weren’t as close as I would like to be.  And the last thing I want is to show Sherlock how much of a mess I am inside.  He’d label me as just another person possessed by their own emotions.

I mean I sort of am but I didn’t want to divulge that with him.  It would just add to the list of things he’d be disappointed in.

Stop it

“I don’t want this to affect you when you are out there.  So please get it off your chest.”  There was a slight tilt to his head, his gaze analyzing me.  I could feel him already concluding that I was not cut out for something like this.

“It’s just…”  I trailed off.  How could I tell him that what I was about to do was crazy?  Everything I said when I was back at Edith’s place was completely spur of the moment.  At the time I genuinely thought that I would be able to pull something like this off.  Having it mere hours away from happening felt like I had been dowsed in ice water.

“Olivia.”  Just one word, my name, stilled my thoughts and pulled my attention to Sherlock.  His face had less of an edge to it like his demeanor had shifted and began to morph into something else.  I don’t know what it was but he almost appeared gentle and patient.  It was a complete contrast to what I saw several moments ago.  This was not the same Sherlock that had asked for help a fortnight ago.

This made it almost harder to speak.

“Okay, okay It’s just….” I bit my bottom lip, “why is your place so messy?”  I blurted out, completely changing the topic.  Maybe if I talk about something else I won’t have to show my doubts.

“It’s not messy.  Everything is where it needs to be.”  Sherlock appeared slightly taken aback by my sudden question.

“Right…that’s not what I’m seeing here.  It looks like you’ve just thrown around-”

“You’re changing the topic, Olivia.”  Shit…he knew what I was doing.  I guess I don’t have a choice…

“Okay fine.  I’m just worried about tonight, that’s all.”  A long sigh escaped my lips, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I don’t look like showgirl material.  I mean LOOK at me.”  I stretched out my arms showcasing all the bumps, dips, and curves of my body.  “There’s no way I would pass as one, let alone be able to get through the door.  People like me are the ones who listen to the music and the cheering outside the building.  I don’t want to let the victim's family down, or especially you.”  A heavy presence filled the air, choking the silence.  Sherlock just stared at me.  I don’t know if it was out of shock or if he was reconsidering his decision to bring me into this.  

I don’t care anymore.  I let my insecurity out and hung it up to dry for him to see.  

All he has to do is say the words and I’ll be on my way back to my little damp cottage.

“You know Olivia…”  Sherlock cleared his throat, saying, “It’s normal to feel anxious about an uncertain situation.”  He paused, taking a moment to place his pipe on a nearby table.  “I’m going to give you a piece of advice.  Out there, feelings and being emotional poses a risk.  It is understandable for you, given the danger you may face.  However if you feel like this is too difficult for you, then I won’t force you to do this.  I can find other routes to get what I acquire.  All you have to do is say the word.”

He’s giving me a choice. 

He knows that the situation can be dangerous.  He knows that I’m feeling overwhelmed, but isn’t forcing me to commit.  There’s still a chance to back out, and yet he’s still giving me the option, however much that hurts him.  And if I don’t do this, it’s another chance to be another victim.

I can’t let myself back out.  

“No,”  I paused, collecting myself.    “No, I can do this.  I won’t let my emotions get in the way.”  A pleased look crossed his face, a small smirk threatening to reveal itself.

“Good.  I’ll see you tonight.”

A/N: Thank you to the following people who wanted to see this part happen. Stay tuned for part 3!!

Tag List:

@lainiespicewrites

@shellyshellshell

@xblueriddlex

@rosecentury

[simlicious]

Personal update about my anxiety

Time for another personal update! At the moment, I'm not really in a creative mood and my projects are all resting.

I am working on more stuff in my real life, including cleaning/decluttering my apartment and working through an anxiety app which will hopefully get me to start exposure (though I shudder at the thought alone). The funny thing is, the app is for social anxiety, and I do have some social anxiety, but I think I mainly have agoraphobia (but there is no medical app available for this at the moment, so I took the next best thing). The app said: "Let's make a gradual steps plan, you first choose a very easy step, then one that is a little harder and harder, and so on until the hardest step comes at the top." And for the easiest step, it actually suggested one of my hardest steps: going into a store, buying something, and interacting with the cashier. Checkouts give me such anxiety. I once had a full-blown panic attack because I couldn't remember the PIN number for my credit or debit card. And I very rarely get panic attacks. Luckily, my brother was present and he was able to pay for me while I almost hyperventilated and tears were streaming down my face. Generally, I start sweating and get shaky hands which does not help while handling cards and remembering pin numbers. I get tunnel vision and cannot focus on anything that is going on around me. Sometimes, blood rushes in my ears so I have a hard time picking up whether someone is saying anything. Then, all items need to be put into bags at lightning speed, and I always fear that I am not fast enough and that everyone else in line is annoyed and angry with me and this makes me even more nervous. Putting things away with shaky hands is tough! So I send my boyfriend shopping for me or buy online most of the time. If I absolutely must, I can go shopping with one of my loved ones because I feel a tiny bit calmer and know I have a safety net with me. They can also help me put stuff in my bags. But alone? That's nightmare fuel for me. Same thing with using public transportation, I just can't do it. I also have a very hard time sitting in waiting rooms at the doctor's office, I get so tense and do not know what to do with myself. Oh, and I also have severe anxiety when I need to make a phone call 😫 But all that is seriously impacting my life, as you can imagine. And I want to change something.

Since the app is not helpful with suggestions for my gradually harder steps to take, I have to come up with my own, and it is harder than I thought! All the things I think about are really hard for me, I cannot think of less hard steps to take 😣 Even just going outside without a destination/going out by myself is also anxiety-inducing for me. I feel like I am watched all the time, I get tense and my thoughts start racing or going in circles. This also happens while I am in a store to shop for something. I get paralysed sometimes with decision fatigue and if someone else comes into the same aisle, I have the urge to run away instantly. I get so distracted that I need to spend way more time in a store than usual and this is of course not making me calmer. I am just super exhausted after going shopping! I am proud that I leave the house twice a week now to go for a walk with my best friend though. We have just established a second day of the week this year, and we still do not go twice every week, but pretty often, which is great. And I love to walk in nature, it calms me (if there aren't too many other people around). 😊 I am also making progress with my borked sleep cycle. I am a night owl 🦉, but being awake the whole night clashes a lot with my family's plans. I have tried for months to shift it, but in the last one to two weeks, I actually made real progress and went to bed 2 to 3 hours earlier than normal, which is really huge for me! I found out that there are lots of free audiobooks on YouTube that authors upload themselves. So one hour before I want to sleep, I put one on, set a shutdown timer of 60 minutes so it will turn off after that time, and then go to bed and listen to it until I fall asleep. This has motivated me enough to actually go to bed earlier.

As a result, I get more daylight and I am more inclined to do housework, which I also struggle with in general, so this is really great! I am focusing more on that now. I also started playing Subnautica again, but I can only play for a few hours on end because it can get pretty intense. I kinda want to play Sims 4 again (weird, I know). My anxiety app wants me to think more positively, so instead of thinking that it is no use updating my mods because the minute I do, another patch drops anyway and I have to start all over, I should think more positively. I will probably drop the game after playing for a day anyway, so it does not need to stay updated for long! Maybe downloading and updating mods is more fun than actually playing anyway? 😆

[mushroompollution]

Fated Encounters

In the woods behind Isla Yura's mansion, just beyond the ornate garden, Leo goes over his plans with the Baskervilles. Though the other four are dressed in their signature robes, Leo and Vincent wear elegant suits, with broaches each adorned with one of Jabberwock's black feathers.

With Pandora focused on their own mission, and outside their country's jurisdiction, they should be able to move through the party safely, if need be.

The others will find, and break, the Sealing Stone.

While Leo, Vincent, and Echo will find Elliot and get him alone. Then, they can attempt to overwrite Humpty Dumpty's Illegal Contracts by sealing it within the Carcere pendant, saving him and, hopefully, the children of Fianna's as well.

"remember," Leo tells them, his voice unusually chilly. "Elliot is my world. i don't have any reason to follow through with this if anything happens to him. if he dies, and i find out any of you could have prevented it?" He pauses, his starry eyes looking over the followers he never asked for. "then i'll kill myself. and you'll have to wait another hundred years to find your master."

Theres a collective gasp as the group exchange glances. Vincent's eyes widen, and he uncrosses his arms in surprise.

"Master--" Lottie takes a step forward as she begins to protest, only to be pulled back by Fang's hand on her shoulder.

"i don't think i stuttered.❁" now there's that old, flowery tone. And something about it is much more threatening.

"no more wasting time. go find that Sealing Stone. i have a bad feeling we aren't the only ones planning something tonight."

Oz is dancing with Alice when a familiar face across the ballroom catches his eye. Distracted, he turns quickly, accidentally stepping hard on Alice's foot in the process. Though she only barely manages to swallow her scream, Oz seems to hardly notice.

"Phillipe?!" he gasps. There's no mistaking that messy haired child. But why is he here? And why is he wearing that red robe....?

Oz takes off towards the small group of children lingering by the wall. But the mass of dancing bodies bump and block him. Before he knows it, he's lost sight of both Phillipe and Alice... And Isla Yura, too.

Oh no.

His emerald eyes scan the crowd. He spots Gilbert, seeming to do the same, and the two manage to find each other through the sea of people.

As they confirm they've both lost sight of their target, Oz can't help but glance over in the direction of those children once again.

Just in time to see Phillipe take off, running and giggling.

Urgh.

"Oz?" Gilbert tries to get his attention, only to be shushed by his sworn master.

"I'll go look for Alice!!! You stay here and keep looking for Isla Yura!" Oz calls as he takes off. He's already lost sight of the other two. As least he knows Phillipe's direction as he watches that red robe flick around a corner.

But after several minutes of empty halls, it becomes clear that he's lost the trail. If he keeps going, he'll just get lost himself, too. Sighing, Oz turns back in the direction he had come.

But lingering just outside the ballroom, he spots two different, equally surprising figures.

Is that really....?

His hair is pinned back from his face on one side with ornate silver barrettes. It's tied in a ponytail, and undeniably shorter. No glasses obscuring his eyes. Still, there's no mistaking him... Or the tall, blond man beside him. Especially as he turns those mismatched red and gold eyes in Oz's direction.

"Vincent..? Leo.....?!"

As he turns, Leo's dark eyes meet Oz's widened stare. He gives a little wave.

"oh! it's good to see you, Oz. it's been a while, hasn't it?" Leo takes the black feather from his lapel as he approaches, Vincent following two steps behind. "i'm sorry it's not the right color. our family didn't exactly get an invitation."

He gives Vincent a nervous glance, but Oz's focus is mostly on Leo. He's never seen those eyes so clearly before. Staring into them now, for just a second, he can't help but remember his brief time in the Abyss--

Something feels like water rippling under his skin.

Hesitantly, Oz takes the offering. He spins it between his fingers, but he still keeps his confused, concerned stare on Leo as he adds the feather to the others on his belt.

"Your family...?"

Another glance toward the silent Vincent.

Leo just smiles.

"you haven't seen Elliot, have you?" Leo dismisses Oz's question with his own.

"He was back in the ballroom, keeping an eye on Isla Yura with Gil..." Oz speaks slowly. Hesitantly. "Why...?"

"why? because i'm his valet," He wears that same sunny smile as ever. But those eyes hold something different. "or, did you hear the rumors that i'm the Headhunter?"

Leo laughs, as flowery as ever.

Oz feels that disturbance inside him again.

"sorry, that was pretty distasteful. no, i care about him very much, i would never, ever hurt Elliot." Leo's tone goes serious, but that smile never wavers.

"in fact, i would kill anyone who tried to. no matter who they are.... Oz."

Oz feels a chill down his spine.

He's quiet for a long moment, trapped in the heavy atmosphere that looms between them.

He can't help but feel like a haircut isn't the only thing that's different about Leo.

"...Leo, did you know the children of Fianna's are here??" Oz asks, more urgently.

Leo's smile finally, finally disappears. His eyes narrow into a sharp, serious stare that cuts straight through Oz. "what." It's not a question, but a demand.

"I don't know what's going on, but I know I saw Phillipe and--"

Oz's explanation is cut short by the sound of a haunting, twisted scream echoing from somewhere down the dark hallway he'd come from.

His heart pounds in his chest as he turns toward it.

What now?

What now????

There's a sudden rush of cold wind, a burst of black feathers in the corner of his eye.

When he turns back toward the ballroom, Leo and Vincent are simply gone.

Oz clenches a fist. He swallows down the lump in his throat and races off in the direction of that scream to investigate.

[ureyesonly]

Confessions of a Serial Dater

I am a serial (long-term) dater. The internet says serial daters are people who can't commit to long-term relationships but luckily this is my world and I create my own meaning. (This is not recommended by professionals). I have been in long-term relationships since I was freshly 14 years old and I regret it. These are my honest, never before seen thoughts on the matter.

ʚɞ I Lack Self-Respect

I know. Crazy thing to start out with since we barely know each other but I never said I didn't overshare. I have never respected myself enough to choose me and it ties into a lack of self esteem. Does it suck to say I lack self esteem? YEAH... but it's not embarrassing. I think it's counterproductive to hide this part of myself because there is no path for change if I can't admit it. I've always hid behind grandiose humor and anger but I'm tired. I want to be a happier person and it starts with me yelling, "I DO NOT RESPECT MYSELF AND I AM INSECURE!!!!!". I have put myself in really horrible, and frankly traumatizing, relationships over and over again. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result... well, I'm living it.

ʚɞ Centering Male Validation

This one is ROUGH. I actually cringe when I think about it even for a second, but I did say I would be honest. For as long as I can remember I have centered men in my life and I have done some very regrettable things because of it. There are so many boundaries that have been crossed, that I allowed to be crossed, simply because there was a boy who asked for it. This is something I can't take back so all I can do is accept it and do better. I can say with certainty that every female friend I had in my pre-teen and teenage years does not look back on me fondly because I prioritized male validation over anything. Prior to Xx.malice.xX and I being friends, I surrounded myself with other girls who centered men in the same way I did. Clearly it didn't work out. M is the first friend I fully abandoned male validation for and that choice has taught me so much about what is important in life. I began to realize that the most important part of life is family (if you have a functional one) and female friendships. Cultivate those relationships and you will find out what unconditional love feels like.

ʚɞ Who Am I Alone?

When I am feeling brave, I ask myself this question. It is not often I feel brave. I unfortunately wasted my developmental years learning how to care for and love others, and never took the time to do it for myself. I will fight and leave claw marks on anything that tries to leave me but I don't show up for myself in that same way. I don't know who I am outside of a relationship which might be the scariest part of my 20s so far. The follow up question I ask myself is maybe the most heartbreaking part of my 20s so far. Do I like myself? The first answer that comes to mind is No. If I am single and I am left without the distraction of "fixing" someone else I have to face that answer. Every day I get closer to being able to face it so maybe this blog will get to face my fear with me. Fingers crossed.

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

This post seems to be me paying homage to how sad my life and mental well-being is but I promise you it's not. Despite what others may think, having a tumultuous relationship with myself doesn't make my life inherently bad. It's funny to say it right after all of that ↑ but I am the happiest I have ever been because I have come to accept it. I started showing up for myself in ways I never thought possible and I am slowly but surely beginning to find small pieces of myself that I do like. I fully regret not being single for all this time but I can't say it hasn't strengthened my bond with boundaries and what I want out of life. I have always learned the hard way so don't worry about me, I'll get everything I want out of life someday (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

-★star

[transmascpetewentz]

if you had to spend even one day as an actual homosexual male in my country, you'd fucking kill yourself out of despair.

i am so FUCKING SICK AND TIRED of evil anglo westerners like you treating homosexuality like an aesthetic! we are not your constume! stop appropriating us!

i'm ANGRY because i experience homophobia every single day despite the fact that i hide who i am from the rest of my society, and then i go on the internet thinking it's the one place i can openly be myself... and what do i see?

gay male spaces being OVERRUN with BIOLOGICAL FEMALES who live under the DELUSION that they are homosexual males! and i fucking slam my laptop shut in anger! i'm fucking sick of you people!

WE CAN'T EVEN HAVE A SINGLE SPACE FOR OURSELVES ONLINE.

you have no idea what it's like to be an actual gay man!

you have no idea what it's like to laughed at, taunted, called "faggot" as you walk through your school hallways.

you have no idea what it's like to be excluded and socially ostracized by the majority of your male peers because they view you as inherently dirty and disgusting.

you have no idea of the PAIN you feel when your first highschool crush — the one boy who isn't repulsed by you and enjoys your company — ends up being a straight boy who never saw you as anything more than a "buddy" and abandons you the second he gets a girlfriend.

you have no idea what it's like to live a LIE, to conceal who you really are, to lie and say you're straight when someone questions you for your own safety, despite the fact that hiding you true self only makes you even more miserable and eats away at you every single day.

you have no idea what it's like to wallow in a puddle of your own misery and loneliness, knowing you are going to die alone & unloved due to the miserable circumstances of your own society.

you haven't SUFFERED nearly enough to be able to understand what being a homosexual male is truly like.

you have never experienced any of these things, because you are not homosexual males, yet you still have the loudest voices in online gay male communities.

it's not fair!

why should you get to be happy and enjoy LARPing as a gay man despite being female, while i have to suffer every single day? you don't deserve it.

and, yes, i know you people not my main oppressors. i DESPISE heterosexual males a lot more than i despise you, don't worry. you're not the ones killing us, but i am still irritated with the erasure of digital male homosexual spaces, as well as the transing of male fictional characters, because those two are the only coping mechanisms i have to distract me from my awful reality — and you people have taken that away from me too.

you might argue that i'm mean or hateful or a bad person because of the way i talk, but can you really blame me? the world left me no choice but to be full of HATE and BITTERNESS.

i am extremely disappointed in, mad at and saddened by your community & how you spiritually degrade, humiliate, disrespect and erase real homosexual males.

your blog is a mockery of us. that's all.

This anon is really funny, because even if I didn't experience homophobia, you act like transphobia doesn't exist. There's a lot to unpack here, so I'll respond under the cut.

if you had to spend even one day as an actual homosexual male in my country, you'd fucking kill yourself out of despair.

The suicide rate of trans people in my country (USAmerica) is 50% lmfao. While I'm currently in an okay place mentally, the same can't be said for most others in situations similar to mine. I try to use the mental energy that I do have to do activism that will help me and others like me.

i am so FUCKING SICK AND TIRED of evil anglo westerners like you treating homosexuality like an aesthetic! we are not your constume! stop appropriating us!

Trans men exist in non-western countries. The reason that you don't know of us is because it is literally too dangerous for us to come out in countries that do not accept us. The only reason I'm even out to a few people is because my gender nonconformity was obvious before I even realized I was trans, so being visibly trans wouldn't change much in terms of how I'm treated. I also lived in a country where being gay and/or trans is illegal before I moved to USAmerica, and I was targeted there for my gender nonconformity even though I didn't know I was trans whilst living there. Even though I live in USAmerica now, I'm not divorced from the reality of what it's like to be queer in a country where things are worse.

i'm ANGRY because i experience homophobia every single day despite the fact that i hide who i am from the rest of my society, and then i go on the internet thinking it's the one place i can openly be myself... and what do i see?

I, too, experience homophobia every single day, even though I try to hide my homosexuality. Being AFAB doesn't exempt you from experiencing homophobia. Instead, I get to hear what cishets say when they think no gays are in the room. People like me are treated as jokes and predators at the same time.

gay male spaces being OVERRUN with BIOLOGICAL FEMALES who live under the DELUSION that they are homosexual males! and i fucking slam my laptop shut in anger! i'm fucking sick of you people!

Actually, most gay male spaces are hostile to trans men, which has caused us to form our own spaces. If you go to our spaces and then get mad that you see trans men, cry about it. Also, the use of "you people" is so telling. Don't the people in your country refer to gays as "you people" or similar? So don't do the same to trans people.

you have no idea what it's like to be an actual gay man! you have no idea what it's like to laughed at, taunted, called "faggot" as you walk through your school hallways. you have no idea what it's like to be excluded and socially ostracized by the majority of your male peers because they view you as inherently dirty and disgusting. you have no idea of the PAIN you feel when your first highschool crush — the one boy who isn't repulsed by you and enjoys your company — ends up being a straight boy who never saw you as anything more than a "buddy" and abandons you the second he gets a girlfriend.

Actually, yes I do know what that is like! I've had those things fucking happen to me! Except for me, it's not just homophobia, it is transandrophobia as well. People see me as a predator and potential rapist any time I try to express any attraction to men. Why are cis people trying to educate trans people on what it's like to be socially ostracized? Lol. Lmao even.

you have no idea what it's like to live a LIE, to conceal who you really are, to lie and say you're straight when someone questions you for your own safety, despite the fact that hiding you true self only makes you even more miserable and eats away at you every single day.

...are you fucking serious right now. You, cis person, have no idea what it's like to actually live a lie, to lie and say you're a woman and dress like a woman for your safety even though it makes you even more miserable and eats away at you every single day! I understand that cis gays face homophobia but are you fucking serious right now? I really hope that you're joking.

you have no idea what it's like to wallow in a puddle of your own misery and loneliness, knowing you are going to die alone & unloved due to the miserable circumstances of your own society.

Actually yes I do because I am a transsexual man. Except due to being raised as a girl, I have been taught to accept dehumanization from cis men and women alike. I had to spend years unlearning the misogyny I was raised to accept, and I still have a lot more work to do. The thing is, if I was to say something like the statement above to someone, I would be called an "edgy teenage girl faking depression for attention" because you have to be a cis man for your problems to be taken seriously.

you haven't SUFFERED nearly enough to be able to understand what being a homosexual male is truly like.

The only requirements of being a homosexual male is to identify as male and be homosexual. That's it. There isn't a required amount of suffering that you must go through to receive your gay man card, and even if there was, every gay trans man has suffered far more than whatever the requirement is.

you have never experienced any of these things, because you are not homosexual males, yet you still have the loudest voices in online gay male communities.

Actually we have experienced these things, because we are homosexual males, and we face transandrophobia as well as homophobia. We also do not have the loudest voices in online gay male communities. If you're a user on this side of Tumblr, you are either invading transmasc spaces and acting like they are the entire community, or you are in an echo chamber that tells you that we are the loudest in the community.

why should you get to be happy and enjoy LARPing as a gay man despite being female, while i have to suffer every single day? you don't deserve it.

What is it about my blog that makes you think I enjoy being transsexual? I constantly talk about how awful people are to me, how my sexuality and gender are constantly targeted by others, and how all of these problems are systemic. I do not enjoy facing systemic oppression on the basis of my gender and sexuality.

and, yes, i know you people not my main oppressors. i DESPISE heterosexual males a lot more than i despise you, don't worry. you're not the ones killing us, but i am still irritated with the erasure of digital male homosexual spaces, as well as the transing of male fictional characters, because those two are the only coping mechanisms i have to distract me from my awful reality — and you people have taken that away from me too.

Guess what—you, as a cis man, are perfectly able to relate to trans male characters. If a character being trans makes you unable to relate to them anymore, maybe you should examine what makes you believe that you are so different from trans men. Maybe it's because you don't see us as human.

you might argue that i'm mean or hateful or a bad person because of the way i talk, but can you really blame me? the world left me no choice but to be full of HATE and BITTERNESS.

You are not a transphobe because you face homophobia. You facing homophobia was not what convinced you that trans men aren't people. You are using your experiences with homophobia as an excuse to be transandrophobic while the root of your bigotry is actually a form of systemic oppression just like homophobia, except one where you are part of the oppressor class.

i am extremely disappointed in, mad at and saddened by your community & how you spiritually degrade, humiliate, disrespect and erase real homosexual males.

And I am disappointed in how your community excludes, ostracizes, fetishizes, and disrespects transsexual men. Except y'all are way louder about the issue of us existing than we are about the regular dehumanization that we face from y'all.

your blog is a mockery of us. that's all.

Cry about it.

[copperheid]

So I've recently gained a lot of weight

I got put on medication for my depression. Because my appetite was low and I was a bit underweight for my height my doctor prescribed Mirtazapine

And he told me I might gain a little bit but it should plateau after a while and it shouldn't be anything crazy.

It used to be that I struggled to recognise I was hungry until I was starving, but I rarely got to that point as I would be satisfied with a small lunch and a small dinner so long as I remembered to have them. I didn't have much need for snacks or breakfast.

Now since I started the medication I constantly feel like I'm starving. That painful, ravenous hunger that distracts from everything else until it is satiated, but it's never pacified long. I feel like I have to have breakfast, lunch and a sizable dinner as well as several snacks or else I'll be suffering terribly.

9 months later I've gone from a UK size 8 (US 4) to a UK 14 (US 10) and I've put on 20kgs / 42lbs, and that number is still steadily climbing.

I've started going to the gym to try to burn it off as often as I can, but I just wind up even hungrier after a workout.

I'm currently trying to muscle through it on willpower alone but I feel so awful. Food is literally all I can think about when I try to restrict my intake to what I used to eat. I feel like my whole body is on fire. And it's not working. Even restricting myself to eating the bare minimum needed to function I still see the number climb.

And while I have liked some of the changes that came with the weight gain- like bigger boobs and actually having an ass and hips...putting on weight in my belly has been very difficult to accept. Buying new clothes every couple of months even more so. Seeing the numbers go up on the scale, on the measuring tape and on my clothes...seeing the stretch marks grow in number and intensity day by day...it's scary. I worry it might never stop and I'll become so big that I can't lead a normal life anymore. That I'd need to buy a second seat on a plane. That I couldn't ride a roller coaster. That I couldn't dance. That I couldn't walk.

I worry that people are talking behind my back, saying I let myself go, that I'm ruined now. I worry my partner will stop finding me attractive.

I feel like I never have anything nice to wear because everything highlights my huge belly. I'm constantly bloated and could be mistaken for pregnant if you didn't know me. All my trousers dig in painfully and I heave over the top of them. Shirts are too tight and ride up to show off my pale, rounded skin.

And sometimes I find it sexy, in a strange way. Like my body is changing and growing softer, and soft bodies are sexy...but then the shame creeps in. Like I'm doing something wrong and taboo by finding my own bigger body sexy.

I feel forced to be more feminine than I am - dresses and skirts are the only clothes I feel comfortable in. Everything else digs in too much, shows to much, or adds bulk that makes me feel even bigger. I was never a girly girl - I'm not even sure I'm a girl at all.

I'm going to Japan next week and I had originally planned to buy clothes while I'm there. I had been excited about all the different styles I wouldn't be able to get back in Scotland. Now the idea fills me with dread. They won't stock my size in any of the normal stores there. I'll have to shop in stores with insulting names like Moo Moo Girl and Hey Fatty Boom Boom.

Maybe I'll grow to accept my body with time. Maybe I will even be able to lose the weight somehow. But i don't want to come off the medication. It's been the only thing that's made a dent in my depression and I couldn't stand to lose that. Maybe I could even be fat and happy someday - better than skinny and dead.

I just hope I figure this shit out soon.

[izzysillyhandsy]

It's only suicide if we die

... and Izzy's second suicide was planned to set Ed free.

I've loved the wonderful lyrics of Seabird in connection with Ed and Izzy since Ep5, but they fit even better now

with my completely unhinged

Izzy died for Ed theory (but he might not be dead at all).

I think somewhere around Ep6, Izzy realized that both of them could never be truly free while the other was still around (and they tried so hard to untangle themselves!).

Suddenly, you're with me I turn, and you're not there Like a ghost, you haunt me

Even though they hadn't interacted much after the breakup, Izzy still got to Ed via Stede. He just couldn't keep away.

This world isn't big enough To keep me away from you

Izzy realized that to heal, Ed had to completely let go of his old life, and his old life didn't only include Izzy - it was Izzy.

So Izzy had to die.

Like an untied dog You just had to run Seabird, seabird Fly home

But - and this is the unhinged part - I think it's not completely impossible that Izzy isn't dead at all - it was just really important for Ed to think that he was.

Is this crazily overdramatic? YES. But have you met these two?

Izzy doesn't let Ed see his wound. Ed even says "It's not even that bad" trying to have a look, but Izzy "Stop stop"-s him and starts with "Eddie" which completely distracts Ed.

Then Izzy says exactly what Ed needs to hear from him to be able to move on.

Everything was Izzy's fault. He fed the darkness. Blackbeard isn't Ed's true personality like Ed feared - it's them. Without Izzy, Ed is good now. He is ready for "true Ed" to come out again ("Just be Ed. There he is.").

Izzy leaves willingly ("I wanna go") to absolve Ed from guilt.

"Eddie's surrounded by family" as opposed to relying on Izzy and Izzy alone for love (I can imagine a very young Izzy saying to a very young Ed: "I'm your family now"). He's not unloveable, he never was.

Izzy dies.

Ed is finally free (at least that's what Izzy thinks. I don't agree. But this is maybe a topic for another post)

But how on earth is he not dead?

Well I don't know! He probably is. They've buried him after all.

Still -

the shooting scene was weird. No blood, no bullet going in, Izzy just standing there (there was enough time to somehow react when Ricky pushed him back).

noone checked the wound, everybody stayed right back except for Ed who was distracted by Izzy.

Am I clinging to straws here? Yes.

But, even if Izzy died, everything else is still valid. It's just much, much more tragic and fucked up. Izzy Hands, living his life for others, finally dying for another to have at least a shot at happiness.

But I still hope this isn't that kind of a show. I am quite confident Izzy will return in some shape or form (Buttons is such a clear symbol for rebirth, and he was put there for exactly that reason).

Conclusion

Izzy lives. Change my mind. No, don't. Please.

---------------------------------

Here are the complete lyrics:

Ed:

There's a road I know I must go Even though I tell myself That road is closed Listen, lonely seabird You've been away from land too long

Izzy:

I don't listen to the news no more Like an unwound clock You just don't seem to care This world isn't big enough To keep me away from you

Both:

Suddenly, you're with me I turn, and you're not there Like a ghost, you haunt me You find warmth in a one-night bed

Izzy again:

Sunsets, full moons Don't turn you on Like an untied dog You just had to run

Seabird, seabird Fly home

[sunshinekindof]

I kind of miss you

I felt terrible. It was the middle of the work week, and I had already managed to get sick. My throat was sore and my voice was hoarse and I couldn't stop coughing. My mood was lower than ever. Plus, I haven't seen Timothee in almost a week. We were going to meet with him a few days ago, but he constantly postponed our meeting, referring to the large number of work and working meetings. At first I was understanding about this, but today I was especially sensitive. I felt weak and all I wanted was to wrap myself in a blanket and snuggle up to my boyfriend. I know I acted like a little girl, but I didn't care.

Thank God it was already the end of the day, and I was free. I took the day off tomorrow and called Timothee. What if he's already was free, and we can finally see each other? I was able to get through to him only on the second attempt.

"Hey you" he said. He was in a good mood.

"Hi Tim. Will I see you today? It's been a while and I kind of miss you"

“I have one more meeting but I think it will take about an hour, after which I am all yours, my love”

"Really? Are you sure you can do it?" I asked hopefully.

“Yes, my love, I promise. I'm sorry, I gotta go, see you soon"

Before I could answer, he had already hung up.

Well, now my mood is clearly better. Just an hour, and I will be warm and in the arms of a loved one. From one thought, my mood became better and better.

Before I went home, I went to the pharmacy. While I was buying medicine for myself, my phone rang and the name of the person I needed so much right now was displayed on the phone screen.

"Hey baby, are you free?" I asked and heard there was music playing in the background.

“My love, listen...I'm sorry, but can I see you tomorrow? I'm really sorry, but this meeting is very important and I only need one evening and tomorrow I'm all yours. Promise"

My heart skipped a beat at his words. Seriously? Again?

“Tim, look, I don’t want to distract you, but maybe you can come to my place later? It doesn't matter how late it is. I will wait for you. Everything is fine, but I would not like to be alone today, ”I asked, although I already knew in advance what he would answer me. This has already happened. Timothee was so engrossed in his work that we didn't see each other for about a month.

“No, baby, go to bed, don't wait for me. I will be late. I want you to get enough sleep."

Yes, I thought, of course. He just did not know that I had not slept normally for 2 nights. I didn't want to tell him, but still... So, okay, I told myself, it's time to be a big girl and not be so needy. You can handle everything on your own.

"Yeah ok. I'll see you another time" I said and turned off my phone. I didn't want to listen to what he had to say. I've heard it 1000 times already. I didn't blame Timothee. I knew what I agreed to when we started dating, but still, like a stupid girl, I hoped for a miracle. We all want a miracle sometimes, right?

But we live in the real world, so I took a taxi and drove home. The drive home took me about an hour.

When I entered the apartment, I immediately smelled my favorite food. What? When I entered the kitchen, I saw Timothee cutting vegetables.

" Timothee? What's happening?" Seriously what?

When he heard my voice, he turned around and looked at me with a smile. But as soon as he saw me, the joy in his eyes immediately changed to excitement.

"Oh, baby, how are you feeling yourself?" he asked me.

"I'm...great," I said, but was caught in a lie when I started coughing loudly.

"Yeah, I see," Timothee said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

“Timothee, what are you doing here? You said that…" 

“I know what I said and I'm sorry about that,” he interrupted me, “I was in a meeting, but your voice seemed strange to me, so when you hung up, I started calling you again, but your phone was unavailable. Then I called you at work, in case you were still there and I could pick you up, but you weren't there anymore. Your colleague answered my call and said that you had already left and that you had been feeling unwell all day. That's why I left early to take care of my girl."

I didn't want to cry, but my eyes were starting to fill with tears.

"Tim, you shouldn’t..."

“Of course you should. I'm sorry baby" he said and hugged me, pressing his lips to my forehead.

"God, you're hot" Timothy said and looked at me

"Thank you?" I smiled

“I'm serious, you have a fever. How long have you been feeling unwell?” he asked seriously

I lowered my eyes to the floor and replied, "Well ... since yesterday .."

"And you went to work?"

“I couldn’t leave, I have deadlines”

“And you didn’t tell me that you feel bad,” he began to scold me

"I didn't want you to worry"

“But what about the talk that we are partners and …” he continued, but when a tear rolled down my cheek, he immediately fell silent. God, I've become so sensitive that it's annoying

"I'm sorry"

“No, forgive me. I love you. Will you let me take care of you" he asked gently and pressed his lips to mine for a moment, but I immediately recoiled

"Don't kiss me, you'll get sick"

"Try to stop me and see what happens" he said and pressed his lips against mine again. I missed him so much that this time I did not resist. As he backed away from me, I whispered, “Thank you. I missed you"

“And I missed you. So much. Now go wash your hands, dinner is almost ready" said Timothee and turned me towards the bathroom.

"Yes sir" I said with a smile. My recovery will definitely be quick.

[eljeebee]

It's crazy how I keep separating Priscilla and Tony when my mind tells me they're so perfect together.

(Ramble below, it's lengthy...be warned)

Initially, I wanted Priscilla as a femme fatale, but this term was associated with seducing enemies and stuff and she is not the type of agent to do that. She's taught to kill with wit, strength, and precision. Not with her body. I wanted her to be full on girl power, who doesn't need a man, and even if she finds one, he's nothing but a sidekick. She's the main show. Because that's why I made her. I wanted her to be this powerful woman that can get rid of everything and everyone on her way. Priscilla reflects that part of myself where if I have something more, akin to her power, I could do more, intimidate people that tries to intimidate me, do something more that I wouldn't be able to do now. Something like that. Anyways.

Tony fell in love first, Priscilla fell harder. The higher ups found out about this and instead of separating them, they made a plan to get them married. It's convenient—it will make her complacent, which means they have her under control.

Their first divorce was actually a mistake, and Albert's bosses gave him so much shit that the christmas special I wrote was actually just an excuse to put them back together. And it worked. They remarried in Bridgeport. The second divorce was just me being silly. Just kidding. But that's just me sticking to the idea of Priscilla is alone and capable. That a lover like Tony is a distraction. That she doesn't need him. The second divorce isn't a divorce, it happens through death. I won't go into details, but the timeline for that happens into the farrrr future, where Tony is still alive because Priscilla wills it to. Priscilla's discovery about their marriage being her containment also happens in that timeline. A little earlier in the future but not now. She stayed with him still, even if she found out Tony cheated. Even if she found out the mistress got pregnant. That is what set her off.

Priscilla would've just looked the other way if he had just cheated,but he impregnated someone. If it was just cheating,she would've let him miserably live longer, but when he got someone pregnant...well, isn't that an insult?

He dies in the middle of the battlefield. Tony knew that what's keeping him alive is her. Like any other caring self-sacrificing lover would, he asked her not to prolong his life anymore, which he knew she wouldn't listen and he'll live again... wrong. This time, she lets go of her hold over him. He's going to die. She's no longer the damsel that keeps her lover alive with her tears. He dies there.

Priscilla would meet the mistress and the kid after, and tells the lady that as a mercy to the child, she won't do anything to them, as long as they keep themselves away from her sight. I actually wrote something like the two previous paragraphs, but I'm still too shy to share.

So. What's the conclusion for this rambling? That even if Tony died, that even if Priscilla's love turned into hatred—somewhere, deep in her mind, in her mind palace, there is a manifestation of Tony in there, where he had become a part of her thoughts, her thought process, in which she consults to. When she encounters a difficult job or case or something, and when she sits down to think, there is another voice. It's Tony.

[felice-jaganshi]

His Pet

Chapter 16 (Final chapter!)

(At least until the sequel)

(CW: Consensual cannibalism)

 

"I bet you could play Doom on vox's screen. Heh, that'd be a funny prank. Especially if he turns it off right away, you could say something like 'wow, you can't even run the most basic of code? How pathetic’." She smiled mischievously, they had gone out on another walk. Heading towards cannibal town to meet with Rosie. She had invited them, saying she had a very special treat for him, and to bring Zariah along.

“What an inspiring idea my dear, I'll have to put it into practice someday… but tell me, what is this ‘Doom’ you speak of, some television show?” He gave a little head tilt, and she laughed before going into a whole explanation on the video game and why the joke was funny. Though, he didn't truly seem that interested in what she was saying, just enjoying the energy with which it was being said.

 

They arrived at Rosie's and Susan immediately started giving Alastor trouble, wanting to pick a bit of a fight about some nonsense or another. 

Meanwhile, Zariah went with Rosie back into her back room to prepare Alastor's present that the two had schemed on.

 

Rosie eventually came back out and waved to Susan who immediately stopped giving Alastor shit when she did, walking away. Her distraction was done.

Alastor made his way into Rosie's parlor with a slight grumble, “Ornery old bitch needs to be stuffed in a box and thrown down the fucking river.” His smile never faltered. Rosie couldn't help but laugh at that.

“Oh Al, this time she was just being a distraction so you wouldn't ruin the surprise Zariah had planned for you. She needed my help with it, since I'm the only one who would agree to her crazy idea.”

 

This caught his attention, “Oh? What kind of crazy idea?” He looked around, “Where is she?”

The door to the back room opened and Zariah came out holding something large and oddly shaped, wrapped in heavy satin with a bow around the middle.

“Right here Al! Don't worry, I didn't go far. I just wanted to surprise you, and Rosie's the only one you'd leave me alone with outside the hotel.” She set down the present on the table.

He tilted his head, “Oh? And what kind of gift is this, my dear?” He looked it over before pulling at one end of the bow to unravel it. “And what is this present in exchange for? Your rescue from that moth, I assume?” 

“Sorta, there's a second present waiting back in my room too. But that's a ‘just because’ present.” He pulled back the cloth and his eyes went wide.

 

“ Darling… what am I looking at? ” He sounded… confused. Unsure if he should be angry or elated.

“My wings grew back! And I heard you and Rosie talk the other day how angel flesh was so much tastier than any sinner you ever had. So… I wanted to give my wings to you!” She sounded so cheerful and excited. “You like them right? I know it's not a ‘prime cut’ or whatever the word is. But it's part of me I can happily live without, and there's a good chance they'll grow back again! I just had to promise Rosie if they do grow back again, she gets one of them next time too.”

 

Alastor ran a hand through the feathers, looking troubled by this before turning to look at the two women he loved most in all of hell. “I… you mutilated yourself for me? I'd never have asked this of you.”

Zariah's smile softened, “I know… but I wanted to do this for you. Give you a special part of myself.” 

 

Rosie sighed at this, “it's a truly romantic gesture, Alastor. And don't worry, it was completely her idea, and I was able to remove them without any further damage done. I was extra careful with our little angel.” She pet Zariah's head and she purred at the touch, tails swishing around happily.

“Rosie… I… I'm conflicted. I'm certainly excited about such a wonderful gift… but I also feel betrayed that you'd hurt her, even with her permission, behind my back.” 

 

“Oh Alastor… I'm sorry, I didn't think about it like that. But, it's her body, and her choice. Isn't it?”

“Perhaps, but she gave me possession of her soul in exchange for being her protector and caretaker. I have an obligation to protect her even from her own foolishness.” He held out a hand to Zariah, and she gave Rosie a tight hug before going to take his hand. He pulled her to his chest and kissed the top of her head.

 

“Al, if she didn't help, I still would have tried to do it on my own. Don't be cross with her.” She nuzzled into his chest, hoping acting cute would spare Rosie any wrath from him. He placed a hand on the back of her neck in a loose grip.

“Love, you'd really disobey me like that?”

“If it was for your benefit, absolutely. You have no clue the depth of my devotion to you.” She looked up at him with a determined light in her eyes. It almost scared him a little. He sighed in defeat.

 

“Well, I suppose we better cook these wings up while they're still fresh. Rosie, will you share these with me? That way what Zariah owes you is paid and she won't have to cut any more off.”

 

“Well, I certainly won't say no to that. How would you like them cooked up?” She smiled, glad he had calmed down. She'd hate to have to fight him, he was like a brother to her.

“ Barbecue. ” He said confidently, he knew they'd taste wonderful barbecued. 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_--_

And that's the end for now! The sequel is almost done with its first draft as well. It will be darker and have more drama than this one did though. So get hype! Love you all!