#i'm a millenial and this is still true

[wheeloffortune-design]

if you're still young you haven't experience how weird time is. you probably have heard how millenials still think 1980 is 20 years ago, and you know it can't be mathematically true, but you feel it inside.

sometimes you categorize something as 'new' in your mind and it stays like that forever.

example: for me, Minecraft just came out. even though the first time i played it, it was a game you could play on a browser, online, without an account. like, you went to the minecraft website, there was a tiny window, and there you could play. i remember how revolutionary it was, how the style and gameplay completely swept the gaming news.

and i simply can't compute when people say 'oh yeah i played minecraft when i was in elementary school, i'm super nostalgic'. what do you mean, nostalgic, that game just came out. i was an adult when it came out. so it must have happened super recently.

we laugh at older generations who can't keep up with technology, but now i understand. for them, it's all new, you won't even know if it'll last.

things that in my brain, are recent: netflix, instagram, the lord of the rings movies, 9/11, the princess and the frog movie, just to name a few. some of them had the time to grow and die: dvds, vine, ipads, myspace. all recent to me.

i think people focus too much on deciding if growing old is good or bad, and not enough on how weird it is.

[a-very-tired-jew]

You're not as informed as you think, and age does play a factor.

This is going to ruffle some feathers, but it needs to be said. You're not as informed on the I/P Conflict and the history of the region as you think, and age plays a major factor. Hell, you're not as informed on a lot of topics as you think. I want you to think about what you were doing 5 years ago. Were you still running around on the playground? Were you making dioramas for a science class? Were you in high school worried about being a first year? Were you just starting to pick out colleges or deciding to even go? Did you ever call a teacher by their first name? Now, there is a line that we hear thrown about that people don't fully mature till they're 25. While this is bupkis and misrepresents the research, it is true that the brain does not stop developing till sometime in the mid to late 20s. In fact, the brains of undergraduates age 18-22 and their respective thought patterns more closely resemble high schoolers than they do mid 20s and above. So what does this mean in the course of the I/P conflict? For one thing, this is your first incident. Your first I/P war. Those of us in our 30s and above have seen a good number of them at this point. I even remember when the use of child suicide bombers became a standard method for Hamas and other terrorist groups during the Second Intifada. As such, many of us are used to the manipulation that we see in this particular region. We're used to seeing antisemitism be dismissed and well intentioned people be manipulated. Many of us are just tired because you're going through the same shit we did at your age and we look back and go "oh, we were severely misinformed". Because this is your first, you're super passionate about it, but that passion can be manipulated. Second, you're not as smart or well informed as you think you are. This has to do with the age and maturation thing mentioned above. While 25 is an arbitrary number, there are some milestones that happen by then. By 25 you have had enough life experience to really start piecing together your education, your life experiences, your world experiences, and your respective beliefs into a coherent way of approaching topics. Hopefully by that age you're less likely to have the emotional outburst in response to a subject (think about the stereotypical slamming the door teenager behavior, many of us did that and we cringe thinking about it) and more likely to approach something in a levelheaded and informed manner. Unfortunately there is some research that shows evidence that Gen Z and Millenials are susceptible to propaganda and misinformation, with the former exhibiting behavior akin to Boomers. So keep that in mind that none of us are safe for misinformation, but some generations are worse than others. Now, who am I to say this to you? Some of you are quite mad right at the moment. Some of you have strived to be seen as well informed young adults or to be taken seriously, and in some cases you are. However...

I'm in my 30s and I have been teaching at the college level for a decade and some change now. By no means am I an expert, but I have enough experience to say something. The ages I teach are 18+, meaning I've had students that are typical fresh high school grads and students that are in their 50s. Myself and my colleagues have heard repeatedly from students the "I'm an adult, I know what I'm doing" line to only watch that 18-22 y.o. student fail miserably or come crying to us later. I have personally watched students go through the stages of grief as they realized in my classes that their pet science activism is not what they thought, but they've wrapped so much of their identity around it. You're still learning, and thinking you know more just because you read something online is an issue. You're also still growing and developing as a person. Recognize that you can be manipulated. Recognize that you can be wrong. Recognize your own inherent biases. Then do better.

[greenflamedwriter]

I'm the protagonist, bitch!

What if SY transmigrated as Luo Binghe and had to go through the main trials and abuse under the scum villain Shen Qingqiu?

And in typical SY fashion, ends up deluding himself and no longer cares what Sqq is doing? Since Luo Binghe knows he's going to go into literal hell everything sqq does seem tame in comparison? He starts thinking "If being whipped is making me cry...how will I be when I lose a limb in the abyss!?"

Then he starts seeing this as inpromptu training, he gives SQQ the peerless cucumber roast of a lifetime JUST to get more punishment! He has to get stronger!

And of course in true Scum villain fashion, SQQ backs off and starts treating LBH as a disciple and just ignores him.

This is grossley unfair!

Shen Yuan AS Luo Binghe.

 So SY transmigrates as Luo Binghe and already doesnt feel comfortable as a grown ass man taking wives who were mostly Binghes age with the occasional milf thrown in there. So he decides fuck it, he’ll get stronger deal with he abyss when he gets to it and at first wanted revenge on SQQ then decided it was too much hassle. He just wanted to be left alone. But the scum villain keeps bothering him, and actually seems to like him- why? What changed!? The hell!?

-SY transmigrates as Luo Binghe.

Has the horror that as the protagonist his lufe is a living hell, continous tortourous chores, being whipped and beaten for the tiniest offense how will a millenial survive!

[Welcome Host you can you up! As the protagonist you are the workds child and no lasting harm will befall you-]

“Yeah but I’ll still be harmed.”

[An over powered protagnosit at the start if his journey is too unrealistic.

 Tasks for hosts are;

Create a harem.

Fall into the endless abyss.

Take revenge on Shen Qingqiu.

Merge the realms!]

“I dont want to do any if that!”

[System has heard users complaints and sees that Host will only do one scenario!]

Oh thank god

[System has taken the liberty of choosing the task- endless abyss arc!]

You fuck!

-SY stole a manual. If he wanted to survive the abyss he had to be stronger. Having an unstable core will do him no favours…

So far he was able to keep his head down but realised something. When he first transmigrated the first thing that happened he was beaten. And it hurt.

Then he was whipped and it hurt but…

Luo Binghe was going into the abyss- even with his demon blood awakened he would face a ton of horrors and so much pain his own arm ripped of.

“A-lou? You look pale,” His shiejie spoke placing a hand over his head.

 If he wanted to survive he would have to build up his pain tolerence…

Steadying his rabid heartbeat Luo Binghe smiled.

“This one is fine.”

He purposfully acts out, and tried not to cry- it was just intimidating okay! That he was being whipped while his Shizun supervised-

Did Shen Qjngqiu really have to sit there and watch the sadistic fuck!

Even so, he built himself up stronger.

He accidently proposed to Ming fan that he had no intention of seeing Ning Yinying that way as she was like a sister.

But seeing a man bully someone they percoeved as their little brother how would you react? If Ming Fan acted kind to Binghe he could also hang oht with Ning Yingying.

 “You can have one on one time with Ning Yingying, she’ll be happy that we’re getting along.”

“You just want me to help with your chores-“

“Of course not. This one will do extra and Ning Yingying likes to talk or gets bored easily you can stop and play with her instead.”

And just like that he matchmaked the two, and had all the wood chopping to himself.

It was frustrating coming from a modern eorld you’d think he knew hie to get stronger.

But that was all er-ge. He knew the difference between working out and only looking like a model but was weak and unfit. Meanwhile people who gained weight and looked bigger were often stronger.

Even so, Luo Binghe used the kitchens to his advantage while eating he would study and in his own time would train even dyring the night.

 And if he felt tired he would purposfully sleep in during his Shizuns lessons.

Extra points for snowing loudly.

Of course he rejoiced in the day he no longer felt pain on his back. He even told Shen Qingqiu himself that what point was the punishment if he now felt nothing?

So now he had to sit on pins, hanging off the mountain and not fall to his death because his arms got tired.

 Even so it’d make him stronger.

“Ah binghe can you take this to Peak Lord Shen?”

He blinked then stared at the food. 

And he suddenly had a wicked idea.

He may not want revenge kn his scumbag shizun, even though he deserved it. Lucky for him he was so lazy!

 But this would be the most sweetest revenge.

He decided to take the food up for Shen Qingqiu passing it to Mong Fan.

 “What are you doing with Shizuns food?”

“I was already in the kitchen, while the cooks told me to bring it.”

Ming Fan looked suspicious and Luo Binghe held the urge to roll his eyes.

“You can taste test it if you eant although, Shizun wont be pleased by the delay.”

To be fair, Shizun never ate. He never slept either. The only time he oerked was when he went doen the mountain. He sure had an addiction.

Luo Binghe almost said nothing then remembered he needed to get in trouble and punished!

 “Visiting the brothel, again, Shizun?”

The other gaped at his audacity, to be fair, Shen Qingqiu could kick him of the mountain, but after reassuring with the system that would never happen.

 Shen Qingqiu paused and only glanced back, cold eyes sneering down at Luo Binghe.

 Luo Binghe shivered, he sure was the scum villain alright, so scary!

Such a waste of good looks too.

 “Luo Binghe to the wood shed.”

He bowed, “Yes, Shizun.”

Unknwowing that to others he was practically going whth a slring in his step.

“Why do you rebel against your master so? Are you a glutton for punishment?”

Luo Binghe was forced to kneel before Shen Qingqiu, his legs bloodied and skin torn.

 The original goods would’ve broken Shen Qingqius legs for that.

But kneoing he may lose a leg in the endless abyss he was fine with it.

 “This disciple has nothing but respect for Shen Qjngqiu.”

Hah as if! He wished for nothing but Shen Qingqius castration!

 “This disciple is aware how…behind he is compared to everybody else and only wishes to be stronger. After being whipped to the point of no linger feeling pain?”

He missed the wide eyes of Shen Qjngqiu as he kept speaking.

 “This disciple knows many more trails are to come and this one has to be stronger to face them. So far the punishments have given this Binghe so much thatvhe can’t hope to ever repay. But as the years passed noticed less punishments…”

It was strange usually this was when Qjngqiu got worse.

“This Binghe never wanted to lose all that progress and so…to continue this disciple had to…escalate such things to get what I wanted.”

When he glanced up he blanched, he’d never seen Shen Qingqiu look so enraged!

Luo Binghe realised what he said then bowed, face red in shame.

“This disciple apologises! He should have spoken with Shizun first! And never went about his own training in such a way! This disciple was wrong!”

“Oh, so now you understand?”

Easy for you! Binghe was focused on survivng the abyss! Not your ego! 

 “It seems this Shizun was rewarding such behaviour. Are you truly a masochist?”

Shen Qingqiu used his foot to raise Luo Binghes chin from the floor!

Luo Binghe kept hos face impassive the only thing giving him away was a small twitch.

 He did not want that type of attention from his scumbag Shizun! God damn it!

“N-no Shizun this lowly one only wanted-“

The foot moved, and before Binghe could even relax, Shen Qingqiu rose as he stepped on his head pushing him intk the floor, Luo Binghe turned his nose just in time befkre it made contact.

He grunted, unable to move. Only riding it out until his scum Shizun got it out of his system. But this sucked.

 “What a degenrate beast, thinking he can take advantage of his Shizun. You don’t care aboht getting stronger only using that as an axcuse to get away with being disrespectful.”

Luo Binghe opened his mouth then closed it, to be fair…Luo Binghe did enjoy being able to clap back and roast Shen Qingqiu and even being beaten bloody and blue he thought-

Worth it!

Shen Qingqiu noticed then pushed his foot down harder.

Luo Binghe scowled.

 “With this type of punishment sometimes wonder werher you get off on this, Shizun.”

Shen Qingqiu paused, “What did you say?”

“Visiting all those brothels, and favouring Ning Yingying so, what if sineone where to walk in right now and see this, wouldn’t they jump to conclusions?”

Shen Qingqiu gripped his fan- ha a reaction! Even the original goods had never made him break his fan!

Luo Binghe wanted a record, lips twitching.

 “Whose the degenerate now? Pervert Shizun.” 

 Shen Qingqiu grabbed his hair yanking it back then slammed him into the floor.

 It was too quick to hurt.

All Luo Binghe knew was the blood pouring down his nose all over Shizuns lamenated flooring.

 “Clean yourself up. Then come back and clean this mess and if this stains this master will,”

Luo Binghe looked up at him tiredly, raisng an eyebrow.

 He’ll what? Beat him, burn him?

Kill him?

Ha! he can try he’s the motherfucking protagonist!

 Shen Qingqiu paused, eyes narrowing and Luo Binghe had to inwardly cackle.

Ha he did it! He broke Shen Qingqiu!

 Who knew his tried and true method of pissing of trolls online was apathy and not caring! Peerless cucumber for the win!

 Luo Binghe bowed, “if that’ll be all Shizun, this Binghe will return to clean his mess.”

That you made, he left unsaid.

After that things went…wrong.

Shen Qingqiu ignored him.

No one bullied him, no one hit him. Even when Luo Binghe poured tea all over Shen Qingqius head, it was scalding hot too!

He wasn’t punished.

No. No. No. no-

 The endless abyss was only a year away! 

And are you freaking kidding me! What wanting to get punished made Shen Qingqiu finally act like a decent Shizun!?

That asshole.

Whenever he saw him Luo Binghe couldn’t help but glare his scowl darkening and saw the smug bastards smirk.

 It was awful, Luo Binghe was so used to being on the attack and on guard.

So now he jumped at the slighest sound, thank god no one was there to see him flinch away from a bunny!

And his workload was depleted! He barely had any chores and suddenly realised he had so much free time!

Damn that scumbag!

 Its funny, the lriginal goods would give his left leg to be treated this way…as an actual disciple of Qing Jing Peak and yet…

 It felt wrong. Luo Binghe was completely thrown off it almost affected his appetite!

…

Wait.

Luo Binghe paused, the endless abyss was a matter of survival.

He was going to have to get used to not drinking water or finding food as well as fighting.

 Luo Binghe, who was going through the motions as he sparred with the rest of the disciples, going through the qing jing peak forms-

He never did before, too busy doing chores to never realise his manual was fake.

…he could’ve went to Mu Qingfang but knew his meridians were healthy and could easily be called a liar.

So he instead left two manuals on Shen Qingqius desk and wrote in the best caligraphy to ever grace the earth;

“I know this is a fake asshole.”

Of course Luo Binghes writing was awful in lessons! But now that Shen Qingqiu was no longer punishing him. Luo Binghe didnt hold back or doodle anymore.

Instead writing as many pages as he could neatly and was done befkre the glass.

The only irritation when Shen Qingqiu realised was a slight eye twitch.

 As well as other lessons, easily able to create the object they were supposed to paint before Shen Qingqiu could even critisice him Luo Binghe beat him to it.

 “The perspective is off and the bounce light is coming from the wrong direction. This disciple apologises for wasting paint.” He spoke in a bored tone.

The other disciples whose work was way worse felt themselves drop in shame.

If Luo Binghes was bad how in the fuck where they going to compete!?

 With all this three time, he decided to spend every moment in the library and study demonic beasts.

His memory was good and he of course knew every single weakness how cluld he not? The monsters were the only redemable thing in PIDW.

Poor Binghe he deserved better!

 He could train with Liu Qingge? Maybe say hey my Shizun is better than you and I can prove it fight me!

 Huh thats a plan. 

But the fact that Liu Qingge was alive was weird, after asking around it turns out Shang Qinghua had something to do with that…

 It was strange- but he didnt have time for that he had to focus! And being hungry was really making it hard.

Even so better doing this now in an enviroment where the wkrst thing that can happen is him collapsing.

Other than the abyss where he might end up dying.

 His head was splitting, he could barely sleep because of the pain.

  There had to be good spots in the abyss for water but airplane skipped it!

Oh no the porn was more improtant than survival! Dumb fuck!

Even so, he had to be lerfect in class, as well as remain consistent in his spars and able to face off against disciples.

And he was doing great! He wasnt hungry as much he could still fight okay the headaches he had grown used to so its fine!

 If he couldn’t fight hand to hand with a freakin disciple then how the fuck was he going to last one day in the abyss!

What Luo Binghe didnt know was he was the world child and the abyss wouldn’t be so bad in the sense it was supposed to make him stronger.

In the original story, Luo Binghe only clawed his way out for his hatred for Shen Qingqiu.

The system was very aware that this Luo Binghe…had no ambition.

 With nothing to keep him motivated, Luo Binghe may give up and so the system had no choice but to make the abyss easier.

Although technically it wasn’t unlike the original goods who was tossed in unprepared, terrible base, and ignorant.

This Luo Binghe has been training so of course it was going to be easier.

 But seriously host was damaging himself!

Luo Binghe, was panting harshly, his hands weak.

 He had to pace himself.

He knew his stomach would shrink if he stopped eating, he couldnt over indulge or he might hurt hinself or his stkmach might explode.

He had to get used to smaller bites.

 And learn how to ration food.

It got to the point where even Shen Qingqius food which used to smell heavenly just smelled.

It was still good. But he didnt want to eat it.

He knew logically his food tasted good, he just didnt care for it.

 When he delivered placing it down before his Shizun.

 Remebering the time Shizun found out his meals were cooked by Binghe! Was pricless he looked like he could cough up blood! 

The truth cane out when Binghes hands were injured, and of course he couldn’t train so he bawled telling Shizun not his hands how will he cook for him!?

 Thats when Shen Qjngqiu found out, and he had the most darkest mood ever.

The disciples of course took it out on Binghe, then he remembered oh yeah, Luo Binghe lost a limb in the abyss! Ergo more training!

So he was able to dodge and fight his way out with just his legs!

The fact that he was in a tree when Shen Qingqiu found him, with a ton of disciples tormening him he almkst laughed at Shen Qingqius face!

 Oh if only he still had a cellphone.

Ah if only his hands could work and take one too!

Instead Luo Binghe decided to paint Shen Qingqiu and it had to be his best work yet!

He had to admit it was the only healthy way to get the aggresion out his system. 

Art was therapytic no matter what Qingqiu said!

 And his woodshed was…covered.

On one hand he wanted to hide them, on the other?

He wanted someone to see and get pissed and punish him for it.

Now, Luo Binghe thought bored, he never gets punished. He was starting to miss it.

 doodling another Shen Qingqiu, his fault for being so handsome!

He drew Ming fan occasionally as well as the other male disciples.

Ying shijie always pouted that he never drew her as his french girl.

But he couldn’t!

Knowing the relationship the two had, anything could trigger a romance he did t want to risk it!

Men were safer!

He just said drawing ugly people was better to learn, Ning Yingying is too lretty unfortunatly!

She flushed then decided to say nothing else.

 Even so, Ming Fan was growing into his looks, he wasnt as gokd looking as Binghe but he no longer looked like an awful mini Scum.

 Luo Binghe was so tired he found his limbs shaking.

 His clothes were too big and he kept tripping on them.

And his head was pounding.

 One foot then-

He blinked his eyes open to see a ceiling, what?

 He tried to get up until a hand grabbed his head and lushed him back down.

Luo Binghe yelped, looking up to see Shen Qingqius dark face.

What? Was he upset Binghe was still alive? Well sorry oh great and bountiful Shizun this Binghe will try harder next time!

Shen Qingqius lips twitched into a sneer.

“Luo Shizi. Please don’t try to kill yourself no matter how much you want praise from someone.”

 Luo Binghe blanched, did he say that outloud?

“Now, might want me to explain why Luo Shizi is neglecting hinself?”

Mu Qingfang asked sktging before Luo Binghe.

It was…weird seeing two peaklords staring him down…

“Um, This Binghe wanted to be prepared in case…at any point found himself somewhere with no food or water and had to survive.”

He spoke, it was a very valid fear! Anything can happen to a cultivator!

“Why would you think that would happen to you- to take such an extreme risk such as this, to prevent it?”

 Luo Binghe’s eyes flickered to Shen Qingqiu for a split second but it was enough to make Shen Qingqiu snap.

“You really believe this Lord will do that to you?”

Luo Binghe stared at him and Shen Qingqiu looked more annoyed.

“Stop looking at me like that!”

Like what? Was he pulling a face?

(He was, he always gave Shen Qingqiu that look when he thought the kfher was being fumb)

“Luo Shizu has Shen Qingqiu done something to make you act this way, has he hurt you?”

“No.”

Both spoke at the same time, Shen Qingqiu looked surprised at Luo Binghe who stared straight ahead at Mu Qingfang.

 “This Binghe, has never been harmed by Shizun. In fact this one has been spoiled! This Binghe only wants to get stronger and prove that Shizun didnt make a mistake in making me his disciple!”

Mu Qingfang melted “Oh Shizi, you don't have to prove yourself. Afterall most of the peak knows that you are a gifted young student!”

Now Luo Binghe paused, sorry what? Since when!?

 “So theres no need to push yourself. You are a growing boy! And developing an eating disorder in this stage could damage your cultivation!”

Luo Binghe blinked, well…no it won't matter to a heavenly demon.

To a human sure, maybe but he was the protagonist he would be fine!

“Shen Qingqiu, you’ll have to watch him.”

Oh sweet! Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t give a shit! As long as Luo Binghe was careful and ate a little bit he wouldn’t collapse and be more careful he should be fine!

Both noticed Luo Binghe perk, Mu Qingfang felt something ease to know how much the disciples loved their Shizun.

Meanwhile Shen Qingqiu gave the other a narrowed eyed stare on why the thought of Shen Qingqiu watching him would being him delight?

As soon as they walked back to Qing Jing Peak, Luo Binghe turned in the direction of the wood shed to continue reading his books until he choked as the back of his collar was tugged yanking him back.

 “Where do you think you’re going?”

Shen Qingqiu asked, lightly fanning his face while holding Binghe by the scruff like a misbehaving dog.

 “My…room?”

Shen Qingqiu’s eyes twitched.

“You really believe this lord is going to leave you unsupervised?”

Luo Binghe gave him that look again.

 And Shen Qingqiu’s first impulse was to slap him.

 He held back, knowing his wayward disciple probably enjoyed that!

“Since this Shizun has been so neglectful of his poor student,” 

Luo Binghe twitched, tensing up waiting for the guillotine.

What was his Shizun up to?

 “This Lord will have to personally take care of you hinself.”

Luo Binghe blinked then froze.

Shit.

Shit!

He had no idea this could happen- but to be fair he thought his Shizun would bite off his own tongue rather than pretend to be caring for someone like Binghe!

 “From now on you will be living with me in the side room at the bamboo house.”

If Shen Qingqiu wasn’t holding him Luo Binghe would’ve fell on his ass.

 What?

“Come on, what meagee things did you need at your room that you were in a hurry to get?”

Luo Bknghe grit his teeth and had to turn stiffly as he walked towards the wood shed and entered.

Shen Qingqiu stayed at the doorway not entering, and instead watching Luo Binghe gather his books and manual.

 He checked the contents making sure it wasn't another fake one the shoved it in a quirken pouch.

 He wasn't stupid or had an eating disorder for christ's sake!

 He just could be reliant on constant fokd only to die of something silly like starvation or hunger day 3 in the abyss!

 And Shen Qingqiu did not even comment on the wood shed being his room other than the dorms.

The bastard.

 “I’m ready, Shizun.”

Instead Shen Qingqiu didn't move, baring his exit while he stood on the doorway.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

 His eyes flickered to the back wall.

…that was full of his paintings and charcoal sketches of Shen Qingqiu and…others.

Okay sure after fighting Liu Qingge he had to draw him too!

 Luo Binghe didn't move.

“The disciples can use it as tinder for the fire if needed. So why move them?”

 Luo Binghe tilted his head, “And Shizun does not expect this disciple to live in the side room for the next foreseeable future this Binghe will return back to the woodshed in no time so why move them?” He asked, tilting his head to the side.

Shen Qingqku snapped his fan shut and turned with a flourish of his robes.

How unfair, Binghe was still in his disciple era and can't do that yet.

 With each step he followed Shen Qingqiu to his new home, mulish expression on his face.

  The other disciples scowled darkly at him in envy.

Afterall its the first time any one other than the head disciple had been so close to the peak lord.

 Luo Binghe went straight to the side room and started tidying.

 He’ll have to sort out the linen sheets and wash them, dust, then wipe the floor, open the window for ventilation-

 He ended up washing the sheets outside and once they were dry with a tailsman he brought then back then paused to see his room was done.

Somebody had already cleaned and wiped down the floor.

The window was open allowing a nice cool breeze in the warn room.

“Ming Fan had finished your room. All you have to do is put your things away. You are under direct orders from Mu Qingfang not to over exert yourself.”

Luo Binghe scowled “Yes, Shizun.” 

It was a nightmare.

His Shizun would demand lunch and watch Luo Binghe eat then would make sure he didn't go to the bathroom to throw it up-

Like he would!

 Shen Qjngqiu even told him to stop eating when he seemed to realise it was too much for Binghes recovering stomach before even he knew.

 Even so he was monitored, made sure he slept and didn't read well into the night.

When Shen Qingqiu learned this he ended up tying Binghe in immortal binding cables and laying him in bed.

 Shen Qjngqiu was more aggrieved to learn that's why he was sleeping through his lessons.

 He couldn’t train as much, and usually Luo Binghe would act cool and aloof.

 But this was killing him.

Ming Fan was taking some sick delight out of this he knew it.

 And Luo Binghe’s temper was growing short, the immortal alliance was coming up soon and with the way this was going he was not going to survive.

 [Host! In order to complete the endless abyss arc- user has to prove he can enter the immortal alliance conference or he may be dropped from the list!]

…what?

“I- I can skil the abyss?”

[Luo Binghe must enter the abyss. Failure to do so Hkst will be ejected from his body and restored to the original one]

Luo Binghe blinked, placing a hand over his chest at the thought.

 He had to get better or he wont jump to his possible death?

What was the point?

 Luo Binghe clutched his arms, and made himself smaller in the room.

Okay. Okay he can deal with this.

The next morning, Luo Binghe felt as if he was run over by a truck.

 His emotions were all over the place… probably from his fucked up diet. 

 He glanced up at Shen Qingqiu who ate with poise.

Mu Qingfang told him it was better if Binghe ate with someone. And that someone had to be his scumbag shizun.

He really didn't understand him…you'd think he’d encourage this type of behaviour? 

 “Stop staring and eat your food, mongrel.”

What a dick.

Luo Binghe was pushing his food around and forced himself to take a bite.

“Shizun?”

“What.”

Luo Binghe stared down at his food.

“If this disciple regulated his eating habits only to then fall back into the same habits later down in the future- what would happen?”

“You would die.”

Shit-fuck!

“So this disciple should stop eating now instead-“

He was hot with a fan.

It was less painful that anything Shen Qingqiu has done to him before. It just surprised him.

 “Why prepare for something that may never happen? Why not just build your own grave then lie in it and be done with it? Theres no point wasting this masters time by making you a disciple just to watch you throw it away. You can’t be trusted, that is no longer your body. It’s mine, not one scratch, not one bruise and not one bone protruding without my say so.”

Luo Binghe scowled down at his food.

So now he cares? 

 “This one can still function as a disciple discreetly if you're worried about what others think. Contrary to popular belief I don't want to die.”

Shen Qingqiu looked unimpressed,

“Then what do you call this? Do you miss those punishments so much you would reduce yourself to self harm?”

Luo Binghe blinked, “Self harm? This is only to get stronger, now this Binghe can function without headaches after skipping meals compared to before-“

“Stop.” Shen Qingqiu really looked irritated.

“You are a cultivator, if you don't want to eat work on your core instead, so you have inedia.”

He would but Meng Mo told him if he pushes his core anymore his demonic cultivation will throw it out of balance. So far he’s been working on building that up. 

 By the systems calculations he wouldn’t be able to unlock that ability for the abyss.

To make it more angsty for the readers.

For fucks sake.

So now he was back at square one. Couldn’t train like before and had to go back to the same amount of chores as the others. Finishing quicker but befkre he could even help Shen Qingqiu would aopear like his fucking shadow and punish the ones Luo Binghe helped.

Shen Qingqiu realised he was fine with punishments but when others got hurt on his account Luo Binghe would back off!

Why!?

The original Luo Binghe would be ecstatjc to have such a kind and caring Shizun! But he had to wonder what the fuck changed!?

 Luo Binghe in PIDW did everything to get Shizuns approval but was kicked into the abyss for it! He was punished for breathing!

Now Luo Binghe would give anything to chop wood till his fingers bled or feel the burn of the whip on his back!

And it wasn’t weird he was just under stimulated! 

 He needed to do something!

So he ended up in the kitchen aggressively cooking deserts.

 And it smelled nice.

He already over cooked a ton to feed the entire peak!

He sighed after pulling out his last batch.

 May as well give them out, wouldn’t want to waste food.

“Strange how you can cook such delicious foods yet treat them so callously.”

Luo Binghe flinched, fuck me!

He didn't even hear the devil come in!

Luo Binghe glared, another thing he would’ve been punished for, and yet Shen Qingqiu only seemed amused by it.

…was his Shizun bipolar or what!?

 Luo Binghe glanced away.

“This disciple was only stress baking, I bought the ingredients myself so it's not wasting Qing Jing Peaks resources.”

 Shen Qingqiu picked up one of the steam pead flour cakes he just baked and tasted it.

 Luo Binghe waited for the verdict.

 He hoped Shen Qingqiu wasn’t going to make him eat all this food he may actually develop an ED if he did.

“Eat this.”

Luo Binghe fucking called it.

Before he could even reach for one, Shen Qingqiu pushed the food towards his mouth, Luo Binghe had to eat otherwise it would make a mess.

 Suddenly flavour exploded on his tongue.

It tasted so good, of course it was the protagonist cooking!

 He slowly chewed  then swallowed it.

 “How did it taste?”

“Good.”

What was Shen Qingqiu getting at?

“So what is the problem,”

Luo Binghe tilted his head. Was it bothering him that much that Binghe refused food?

 “Its not the taste of the food. Its the fear that I’ll grow so dependent on it and find that I suddenly cant have it.”

“But getting stronger and studying beasts, what's the point in that if you run your body into the ground.”

Luo Binghe had enough, throwing the tray of food to the side.

“Why do you suddenly care!? You whipped me because I talked back but you dont do that now- I starved in that wood shed you never cared, my back was bloody my hands mangled you did not care. So why start now? You may be fine with acting like the kind Shizun. The great Xiu ya Peak Lord Shen, but excuse me for not buying it. For waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

 So what will it be next? After this would it be sleeping? Is that going to be our new thing once this is done? How many mkre ways do you need to torture me.”

“You torture yourself. I did nothing.”

Yet.

But he will throw Luo Binghe of a cliff into the abyss to kill him.

 “You hurt yourself then blame me. You enjoyed those punishments as training, so I stopped realising it was teaching you the wrong lesson. You’re different from other disciples, stupid. To think this is how any respectable cultivator would train-“

“I’m not a cultivator.” Luo Binghe spoke tiredly, looking at Shen Qingqiu with a bored expression on his face.

 It riled Shen Qingqiu up.

“This one was an unwanted disciple, a waste. All because Ning Shiejie wanted a shidi and you wanted to win one over Liu Qingge. Because he wanted me first.”

 Shen Qingqius eyes widened and Luo Binghe looked down.

“You never wanted this disciple, and this Binghe is fine with that. But after giving me a fake cultivation manual, making me fight elder hammer with posion that could kill me. How can you blame this one for flinching waiting for a third blow?”

Shen Qingqiu looked shocked that Luo Binghe even knew that much.

He walked past, ignoring the food plans of distributing it around the peak forgotten.

 Luo Binghe sat before Shen Qingqiu. Forgetting that he had to eat with the devil.

The only thing that gets Luo Binghe through the day is karma.

Everytime something unfortunate happens to Shen Qingqiu (who had such unfortunate luck) 

 He would bare witness to it.

Being bested in a duel by Qi Qingqi. He ended up cheering her on the loudest.

 Seeing Shen Qingqiu try to practise sword fighting and making a huge hole in qing jing peak.

He acted like he did it on purpose but Luk Bknghe was fascinated by his tells and knew the man was embarrassed.

Dropping a tea kettle on his foot he even hopped up and down with a yelp.

That was the best one!

Thoughts like that got him through.

He ate mindlessly not tasting anything. And had to stop when his stomach ached. 

“Keep eating.”

Luo Binghe paused, “What?”

“Keep eating. After all this Shizun is cruel and would force poor Binghe to starve so keep eating.”

What a petty bitch.

 Luo Binghe did staring right at Shen Qingqiu and kept eating. Until his bowl was finished.

His stomach was killing him.

But he ignored it.

 Then he began to swallow more, saliva pooling in his mouth, and-

Luo Binghes eyes widened, he dropped his bowl into the floor and lunged for the bathroom, even Shen Qingqiu flinched at the breakneck speed then grimaced when he heard Luo Binghe throw up.

 Luo Binghe didnt eat the next day.

And Shen Qingqiu was begging to lose his temper.

“If you don’t eat properlly you’re not going to the immortal alliance conference!”

God dammit!

 Luo Binghe had to admit defeat.

He had half a year left, it would make it more difficult but he had no choice.

 He started slow, eating fruits out in the open after training where everyone would see.

Starting off small.

 Sharing snacks and eating them himself, and when it came to big meals, would still leave food left but not as much as before.

Its fine, when he’s in the abyss he knows what to expect.

 He faces monsters in the beginning, has to keep moving into the centre where he finally finds some springs for water, but no food. Maybe he can prepare a quirken pouch to take supplies.

After all what if water is stored in things, like plants, or trees or even rocks!

It can happen!

 If he has tools to store water, and food and make it last then thats eight out of ten problems.

 Then theres madam meiyans adventures with the succubus clan���hmm, he really wants to skip it.

Losing his first time in an abyss is not the best place, but he would need new clothes…

He had no idea while he was recovering eating, passing Mu Qingfangs bill of health.

 Everyone even peaklords praised Shen Qingqiu for being there for his disciple and helping him through somethimg so trying.

It pissed him off.

No one gave a shut ablut his eating habits, he sweats mu Qingfangs care for his own disciple than his fellow maritial sibling.

 And Shen Qingqiu knew Luo Binghe.

That look in his face when he was alone, the anxiety, and panic before settling down.

 It was refreshing. Before Luo Binghe would always show that fake smile and act friendly but underneath Shen Qjngqku knew something was wrong with the kid.

The relief when he finally showed his true colours and stopped pretending.

If its one thing, Shen Qingqiu hates its liars.

 But no, Luo Binghe may be showing signs he was okay maybe he really is over this bad habit.

 But now its when a new habit appears.

He mentioned sleeping so now Shen Qingqiu is more vigilant making sure he goes to bed on time and stops studying those demon books.

Why is Binghe even writing notes on how to defeat a monty python rhino? 

 He’s too young to be fighting that- he was given a list on what to fight in the alliance why was he studying something else!?

“Maybe he’s trying to copy you?”

Shen Qingqiu paused, lowering the tea cup from his lips.

“Excuse me?”

Mu Qingfang only looked at him cooly.

 “Its not a secret that Shen Qingqiu doesnt sleep, is a bright young man but is weak in his cultivation, and is too skinny.”

Shen Qingqiu scowled. “Thats ludicrous and untrue. He’s never went to a brothel.”

So there!

“Not yet, maybe it’ll happen in time.”

“Why would Binghe copy me?”

“Most do, to someone they respect, or idolise. Maybe wanted to understand you better.”

No. Mu Qingfang is definitely wrong at this.

“Binghe is making his own mistakes. He’s not following mine.”

Mu Qingfang hummed, “Its only a theory, unless he starts showing…signs. Maybe you might have to have the talk.”

Shen Qingqku stared then his eyes narrowed “Certainly not. That's the hallmasters job!” 

“Maybe there's a lot of things he doesn't know-“

“He had a mother. She would’ve told him.”

…

“What?”

As Luo Binghe came back ho- the bamboo house he wanted to collapse onto his bed.

 He wanted to skip dinner so bad but he had to eat now.

Like a respectful adult ugh! 

 “Binghe!”

“I have moon cakes! I’m eating moon cakes from Ning Yingying!”

He snapped back, he just got into bed! Now he had to stomp because Shizun would want him face to face.

The typical parent yelling for their kid then not answering when they respond.

 “Not that, impertinent brat. Sit.”

Luo Binghe sat. What? What could his bipolar Shizun want now?

 “If you visit brothels or make nong yingying pregnant I will castrate you,”

Whoa- what!?

Luo Binghe blinked “Shizun, this disciple must have hit his head at sparring today and didnt hear you right. Can you please repeat that?”

What the fuck?

Shen QingQiu sneered down at him.

 “Someone brought to my attention that you like to copy me.”

Luo Binghe started looking around and Shen Qingqiu scowled.

“What are you doing.”

“Looking for my fan. But I can’t seem to find it.”

As well as tge stick up my ass but thats not there either so clearly he’s not copying!

“Being a recluse, hiding away from others and assuming the worst of others and your strange relationship with food then you mentioned sleeping habits….”

Luo Binghe glanced back up, surprised.

 Even Shen Qingqiu…?

Luo Binghe glanced back down then realised where Shen Qingqiu was going with this-

“I don't need the talk!” He yelped face red. He did not-

He stood up walking away.

 “I’m not copying you- I’m not going to end up in a brothel with tons of women-!”

Although original Binghe would’ve-

That wasnt him!

He wasnt interested in a harem! Maybe find some girl settle down study beasts get a bet one.

Oh how cool would that be?

The protagonist with a giant fucking wolf as his companion?

Yeah a big heckin chihuahua. 

 Luo Binghe had to start cooking something or he was going to go nuts.

 …Shen Qingqiubeas seriously starting ti scare him.

When his diet was back to normal, his workout began again. And now he was studying arrays.

 Fucking stupid, he was.

Why didn't he think of this before? Keeping food hot or frozen to last longer.

And even have inside pockets so he wint lose his shit willy nilly!

He soent all his tike studying, and sewing and-

Bang!

Most of it exploded in his face.

“Shizun!”

“Don’t tell Shizun!”

It was an accident! It wasn’t on purpose!

But Nong Yingying snitched and now he had to go over sewing techniques and arrary work with the hallmaster again.

 And when they saw what he was trying to make they laughed. Claiming it was impossible.

Luo Binghe gree mullish, fuck you he’s the protagonist he can fucking do it!

 After hiding away from prying eyed and working on smaller fabrics was able to make a heating AND freezing charm.

He experimented with cold foods first to see if they stayed frozen in the pouch then crowed with delight that it worked!

Now to make it bigger!

 And just like that he was able to store large amounts of food in his pouch oldest at the friend newest at the back sk nothing got too spoiled.

 He was so giddy.

After making tons of pouches and even showing them off and how they worked and why they existed.

Shen Qingqiu cleared his throat.

 “Write your progress into a report. We’ll place your findings in the library with the rest.”

Huh…huh!?

“And Binghe.”

Luo Binghe stood at attention as Shen Qingqiu gazed down at him.

“You are approved to go to the immortal alliance. Do not disappoint me.”

 What oh- oh fuck YES!

-he wanted to ditch these disciples why join kf they’re going to struggle!?

Then the demons arrive! About time! Ah these were mich better to fight than the easy ones!

Even the spiders were easy!

 “Everyone! There is a snow flower that is a deterent to demons! Up this way!”

Once they were safe did Luo Binghe sigh with relief.

 At least now, its all on him.

“I’ll go find help!”

He left the disciples before they could utter a word.

Now alone all he had to do was wander aimlessly until the abyss opened.

 He was nervous, like exams, dentist, and blood tests all into one.

 He just wanted it over with. As soon as he was in the abyss the better.

 “Binghe.”

“Fu- Shizun!?” He nearly died- what the hell? 

Oh yeah, Shizun was supposed to toss him in.

 “What is Shizun doing here?”

Shen Qingqiu scowled, “Rescuing disciples such as yourself. Come on.”

Mobei-jun comes in, and Luo Binghe feels his hands shaking as he watched as Shang Qinghua was hit into a tree.

 This was wrong.

Shen Qingqiu was actually fighting a demon and telling Binghe to run?

“Hmm, what a weak cultivator.”

Shen Qingqiu growled, “You demonic spawn- this Peak Lord is the Xiu ya sword! And you will fall by my blade!”

Shizun was hurt.

Shen Qingqiu evaded the most of the ice crystals, but was pinned to a tree by a viscious one.

Shen Qingqiu may die.

Luo Binghe moved, not even aware just lunging for the ice demon with a yell, swiping his sword down.

 He’d forgotten all of his training, only using his bare hands as Mobei-jun looked at him with interest.

“Binghe- run stupid boy!”

Luo Binghe wasn’t paying attention, instead he evaded even getting slammed into the ground, almost breaking his arm he ignored it, until Mobei-jun grabbed his head.

“Hmm, human but not.”

Wait- the monty python…

Luo Binghes eyes widened as a clawed hand reached towards his face, he screamed at the pure agony in his forehead as he was dropped to the floor. 

 He clutched his skull feeling the mark of sin burn into his forehead his whole body becoming liquid fire when his demonic core burned through his meridians along side his spirtual veins.

 Luo Binghe panted, fuck he felt awful.

Mobei-jun replaced the rhino… why was it different?

“Beast.”

Luo Binghe looked up, eyes drooped and out of it. Until a sword touched his neck.

Luo Binghe stiffened, remembering where he was and what he was supposed to do.

“Shizun? Want to tell me what your doing?”

“Who are you calling Shizun, demon mutt?”

Ah back to pet names huh? Luo Binghe hummed, “This disciple is just as surprised as you.”

He glanced to the side and saw Zheng Lang destroyed.

 “Shizun, can you do this one a favour?”

“No.”

Luo Binghe shifted back, and stood up, Shen Qingqiu held his sword high, green eyes almost black with the dark scowl on his face.

 Luo Binghe took another step back, then another.

  His eyes remained on his sword, he really…wanted to take the sword with him…having a sword would be easier in the abyss now he can’t.

He missed the wide eyes look of his Shizun, missed the panic as Binghe took another step back.

 “Shizun, can you fix my sword? Say…Luo Binghe died…a human.”

Shen Qingqkus eyes widened, his sword faltering, as Luo Binghe took another step back.

 Then felt the ledge under his foot and paused.

 “This one has always trained for this…You were never a good Shizun, but this past year…” Luo Binghe turned to look down at the abyss, his chest suddenly tightening, it was terrifying, he was scared. Who wouldn’t be?

 He was procrastinating at this point, the timer ticking down.

 “I think I might miss you. Shen Qingqiu.” Luo Binghe smiled, showing all his teeth no different to how he looked before he did something to piss Shen Qingqiu off.

Then he fell, falling back into the abyss, eyes squeezed tight breathing heavily to hold in his scream.

 The rift shut with a snap.

Leaving Shen Qingqiu with his hand held out, eyes wide in shock.

 He fell to his knees, wounded, in pain…and numb.

All this time he wanted to do away with that brat, he dreamed off it-

Now?

“Shen Qingqiu!”

“Shen-Shidi!”

His eyes slid over to the broken sword…he moved and began to pick up the pieces.

 He may as well honour that brat. And do this one thing for him.

____________

Luo Binghe almost collapsed against the broken stairway, almost there.

 He lost track of time of how long he was in the abyss. He barely had time to think or feel, just respond to each attack and survive.

The only reprieve was when he found a little oasis when the system would pipe up.

 And tell him hints with b-points that he earned in the development arc Disciple days.

Luo Binghe almost slumped with relief, food and water was scarce, it was worse than Qing Jing Peak, he knew if he woke up he would be halfway down a beasts mouth.

 -gets a dog

-loses a dog

System makes him go to madam meiyan.

“You upled the difficulty on purpose!?”

[stop doing side quests and go to madam meiyan! You need new clothes and then you can get Xin Mo!]

Luo Binghe paused, Xin Mo?

“Why didn’t you say so?”

Like an autistic stuck in a closet and forgotten about, Luo Binghe was actually getting used to the abyss.

 But after the loss of Pear…

Yeah, he wanted to call him mini peerless cucumber but that was a mouthful in the abyss. But he wanted it affiliated wkth fruit and thought Pear was a good name.

 When Pear was ripped to shreds in front of him, Binghe drove off any cute baby animal that got too close.

He thought that as the protagonist- he really wanted to go home with lear, watch him get bigger and be an intimadating badass!

 The system knew he was dodging basic Luo Binghe plots and waa dojng his own thing so to give him angst it decided to make him break down.

Losing his pet, his one stability, his confirt in this wasteland. Shen Qingqiu never betrayed him, so he had to accept loss in one way or another.

It just sucked!

And so after finally trudging up to Madam Meiyan, reluctently, then felt bad because she was nice.

He told her he didnt want anything to happen in the abyss, not until he was safe.

 She patged his hand yet still helped him get new clothes.

She didnt act like the femme fatale side fling of Luo Binghe. She acted like a caring older sister.

He slumped in gratitude, and finally adorned the black and red robes.

He checked himsekf oht in the mirror lerking up. 

Now that is a protagonist!

 Complete lady killer! But not in this world!

Luo Binghe, as a reader, always thought if at any point he would have to marry?

It’d be Liu mingyan.

She was smart, strong and cool. Best girl.

 Even so Madam Meiyan was so kind, it almost made Luo Binghe cry.

 Even so, he couldn’t stay in the den long, thats just inviting disaster.

 He began his journey again, rationing his food and thankful that other than the beggining, at least food was no loner scarce and he could eat and not have to worry.

 [That could also be inedia]

Or that too!

Even so, the monsters had to get stronger thats how you level up!

And Luo Binghe wasted no time grinding he wasnt a newb!

He was going to keep fighti bf every single demon he could lay his on to get stronger.

 [Host is procastinating to avoid Xin Mo]

He was not!

…maybe- even so he needed duel cultivation to deal with it.

And he didnt want to deal with it.

So when he finally made it up the stairwell, leaning heavily on the wall and leaving blood and ichor on the pale stone,

He saw Xin Mo in tge centre of the room.

 Before he was scared, now he had to get over it.

 He beat his training, he was literally having a vacation in the abyss, after Xin Mo magbe that will no linger be a problem.

He approached extending his hand and grasped the handle.

Quiet.

Then a sudden flood of screams, intense rage and anger swarmed into him.

He grimaced falling to his knees, breathing his throat aching when he realised he was screaming too.

[Host! Soend b-points to temper Xin Mo?]

Yes yes a hundred times yes!

The screams didnt stop, but dulled down to a feint baackgfound noise.

God how did Luo Binghe deal with this.

He raised his arm and sliced downwards into an arc and a portal opened up.

Luo Binghe gazed at it like the first sunset honest delight on his face.

He didnt think it would work the first time!

 As he stepped through the portal still open he glanced at the sword and three it back into the portal.

“Yeet.”

Instead it slung back missing his neck to slam into the tree behind him.

The portal closed.

[Host and Xin Mo are bonded for life. Only destrkying Xin Mo can release its hold.]

Luo Binghe brushed a hand over his face, really?

At least that was his new goal. Destroy Xin Mo.

The system even had the nerve to make that as a bullet point on his list lf tasks.

[What else will host do now that he’s free?]

Well other than the abyss, he didnt have to do the other plot points.

 He didnt have to return to cang Qiong. Or even go to Huan Hua.

 He coukd just wander PIDW to his hearts content and fight monsters, rescue damsels, without marrying them.

It sounds like a dream-

[Warning! Character arrival! Task: defeat important character!]

Mobei-jun appeared even seeming surprised to see Luo Binghe.

What? Why? Why!?

[To fix plot holes ;)]

You tricked me!

Luo Binghe leaped back, evading Mobei-Jun attack- it was weird.

How weaker Mobei-Jun was.

He could kill him, just use Xin Mo and sate it for now…but Mobei-Jun was a loyal fighter…

And he wont be able to spar with Liu-Shishu again. As Luo Binghe kept dodging, considering expression on his face, he was unaware it kept pissing off Mobei-Jun.

“Take this seriously!”

Oh? Ah he was being rude. Compared to when he was a child, he was easily slammed into the ground.

Luo Binghes claws extended as he grabbed Mobei-Jun by the throat and slammed him into the ground.

Mobei-Jun grunted eyes wide to see Luo Binghe straddling on top of him heavenly sigil glowing with red demonic eyes looking down at Mobei-Jun like he was an interesting bug he decided to play with knstead of squish into the dirt beneith his biot.

“Do you lield and swear your loyalty to me, or should this one kill you know and save myself ghe trouble?”

Mobei-Jun swallowed eyes bright.

“This one will follow you, Junshang.”

[Congragulations! Luo Binghe is now a lord! Next task- defeat the saintess Sha Hualing to claim title as demon emporoer!]

Luo Binghe stood up leaving Mobei-Jun on the ground, onlivious to the ice kings new sexual awakening-  

And stared at the system.

“Are you telling me that I HAVE to do those plots?”

[Yes! Become a demon emporer! And also be adopted into Huan Hua! Investigate plot points! Revenge on Shen Qingqiu is optional!]

Oh?

[Merging the realms is also optional!]

Hmm.

Even so, the reason Luo Binghe merged the realms was because of paper work.

 He’ll need people, unlike the og Binghe who couldn’t trust anyone and had to hold his empire himself but also going on adventures and picking up flowers every five minutes? Garunteed his rule wouldn’t be great especially since Mobei-Jun kills his spy who also HAPPENED to be tge advisor.

 “Mobei-Jun.” He glanced over, time to start planning.

 “Not to be a pain, but this Binghe is tired. Can you be accomidating and give me a room? Prefferbly in your northern palace of course.”

Mobei-Jun looked stiff then nodded with a small bow.

“Of course Junshang.”

He opened up a portal and and was soon making his way to his new home.

Luo Binghe never liked the cold, in his former life or this one.

 But he’ll have to deal.

____

First order of buisness after dealing wkth Mobei-Juns unruly court.

 Linguang-Jun had to go.

Any infatuation Mobei-Jun had fizzled. Luo Binghe only sneered down at the blood smear of what was left of his uncle and said.

“Just some cannon fodder who didnt add to the plot, bound to backstab for further gain when given the chance.”

He had a point but still.

Then he demaded to see Shang Qinghua.

“Relax, Mobei. This lord only wants to reunite with his precious Shang-Shishu.”

Mobei-Jun kelt giving excuses, making Shamg Qinghua overworked on purpose so he would never meet their ecentric demon Lord.

Luo Binghe must have grown tired breaking Mobei-Juns hand and warning him that he was being polite but now enough was enough.

The three kf them sat at a table together, Luo Binghe spread like king, relaxed. A contrast to both Qinghua and Mobei-Jun who sat stiffly.

“So your the spy who ruined the immortal alliance and backstabbed Cang Qiong to align with demons! Never knew you had it in you Shishu!”

Shang Qinghua looked like he was going to vomit.

 Hmm, the man was always…different.

More cold. And evil.

This guy was a gerbil.

“Hmm, first order of buisness. Mobei-Jun.” Luo Binghe looked up glaring at him.

“No killing Shang Qinghua. No matter what, even if he betrays yourself or this Lord being him to me to punish, understood?”

That seemed to surprise both.

“J-Junshang? Thank you for the order on my behalf, but ks there any reaoson…to…”

Shang Qinghua lost his vouce the more Luo Binghe stared at him.

What? Whys he so scared for- he doesnt know me yet or how string I am-

[Host has a resting scary face]

That was just cruel.

“This lord…likes paperwork.” Luo Binghe spoke aving his sleeves and moving forward to pour tea.

 “Its calming, helps keep my thoughts organised. Excessive paper work, redundent paper work, incompetant paperwork is something I’d rather not do. If this lord plans on conquering the south or even plans on dessimating Huan Hua-“

Here Shang Qinghua twitched.

Other times he would’ve missed it.

But in the abyss any movement reflects so much.

“Havkng a base in the human realm and demon realm garuntess my hands will be full. Shang Qinghua is managing the northern realm as well as Cang qiong. Someone that competant will lighten the load.”

After making the tea he sliced his hand calmly watching the blood pour into the cup.

 He saw from the corner of his eye, Shang Qinghua breath hitched, his face pale.

“Here Shishu, drink. Swear your loyalty to this demon lord.”

He wondered why Luo Binghe never did this to his close subordinates in the first place.

Make sure he’d never get betrayed and reward people under his emply with healing beneifts.

Join Luo Binghe we have health care!

“Hmm, why so hesitent Shang-Shishu. You wont bettay this lord so what worry is there?”

Shang Qimghua gulped then grabbed the cup chugging it down.

Luo Binghe laced his fingers together as he gazed at Qinghua.

“Hmm? Does Shang Qinghua know something?”

Shang Qinghua was back to his pale trembling self.

 “N-no Junshang. This Qinghua knows nothing.”

…he’s lying.

Luo Binghe dropped the playful act and tilted his head.

Shang Qinghua immedietly started sweating buckets.

“Do you like reading Shang Qinghua?”

The other nodded “Y-yeah?”

Hmm.

“Theres a book this lord can’t stand, the worst literay piece ever known to man. I regret laying my eyes on such drivel. Its called Proud Immortal Demon way, has Shang Qinghua heard of it?”

It was instant, Shamg Qinghua almlst stopped breathing.

“Yes.”

Luo Binghe felt himself relax, and in turn Shang Qinghua looked like his strings were snapped.

Luo Binghe almost felt nad for him.

“Yes I didnt like that story, so I decided to change a few things in it.”

Shang Qinghua began to oerk.

And in turn Mobei-Jun began to glower-

Itvwas strange woth how a fee words he had Qinghua relaxing and leaning in closer.

 Mobei-Jun would’ve guessed it was the blood but he felt no different.

…or maybe…

No. He felt no different.

Of course when Shang Qinghua came running to him screaming he of course hid him out the way until it was junshang trucking towards them.

“Airplane!”

“Ah dont kill me!”

Mobei-Jun stood stiff “Mobei-Jun get out kf my way.”

“No killing Qinghua. Your order.”

Luo Binghe blinked then scowled at Qinghua who stuck his tongue out at him.

The killing intent was string even Mobei-Jun almlst buckled from it.

Luo Binghe scowled “Fine!”

“If I wanted to kill you, I would’ve used my blood parasites dipshkt.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Hmm hmm.”

“Your inside me-“

“What? Ew why are you like this!?”

A/n:

Shen Yuan: Luo Binghe was influenced by Xin Mo it wasnt his fault.

Shen Yuan as Luo Binghe with Xin Mo: does nothing inappropriote and is a distinguished gentlemen.

-Shen Qingqiu trial

Luo Binghe wanted nothing to do with the scumbag and just let the consequences of his actions continue their course.

 As Luo Binghe was investigating the origins if his parents (since the system was adament ablut it for some reason) he didnt think his inlut mattered.

 But then  it was his reputation that came into it.

 He realised he should have….maybe…thought this through.

 “Is it true that Shen Qingqiu abused his disciples?”

 If it was one thing, Luo Binghe wanted to be fair. Shen Qingqiu never abused him, but he may have murdered Qui Haitangs brother.

But if Luo Binghe expressed nothing was wrong then the whole cultivation world will see him as a backstabbing disciple!

 Luo Binghe was also…curious, why the original goods never invaded both dreams to see what really happened. Verify the evidence so to say.

 “This Binghe has his own personal reasons to remain here at Huan Hua.”

Not to mention, Shen Qingqiu could blackmail him as being a heavenly demon.

 Luo Binghe already felt like he could t relax and retire not with this threat looming at him.

“And Shen Qingqiu has never abused me.”

Here he saw Shen Qingqius twitch, and ignored it.

 “But his past with Qui Haitang is something I am unfamiliar with.” He could tell the tide was changing against him.

 To stand aside while his Shizun was being condemned? How unfilial.

“And so this Binghe has decided to personally investigate this case as a neutral party.”

Qui Haitang looked his way-

“What!? So you can hide evidence and help your scumbag Shizun!?” She yelled and Luo Binghe spoke.

“On the contrary, a rogue cultivator claiming a Peak Lord had murdered her entire family with only servants to survive? Where are such servants why is there not more witnessed to confirm this case? This could just as easily paint you Miss Haitang in a poor light with just the right defense.”

Luo Binghe gave her his best charming look, hoping to give off friendly big brother vibes to aplease her.

“Dont worry Miss Haitang. This Binghe will only uncover the truth on what happened that night and help you find peace.”

[Congragulations! +50 Charisma points for Miss Haitang! Possible love arc begin-]

No no no- it wasnt- no! Cancel love arc CANCEL!

-uses his dreams and finds out the truth from both.

Speaks to Shen Qingqiu in the water prison.

Hunts down servants. Who are scarred and reveal the abuse of Qui Jianlou and his crimes. How they speak kindly lf Shen Qingqiu who got them out.

 How Luo Binghe accidently saved Shen Qinqqiu-

“Why help this Master? It can’t be because you want to play the part pf a loving disciple? After all,”

Shen Qinqgiu leaned close, speaking softly so others wouldn’t hear.

“This master tried to kill you three times after all.”

Luo Binghe smiled, “This Binghe knew he had bigger threats to face, after knowing the trials I had to overcome…you didn’t seem that scary all of a sudden. And this Binghe knows of worse things to come that taking revenge on my scum Shizun seems like a waste of time to me.”

After Luo Binghe removed the red immortal binding cables, tenderly holding Shen Qingqius hand and unwrapping each rope, his eyes furrowed at how thin Shen Qingqius wrists had become. Shen Qinqqiu had lost weight-

“Luo-Shizi.” Luo Binghe straightened, “ah Sect Leader Yue!” He bowed hastily.

“Apologies, this unfilial disciple never meant to disrespect Cang Qiong mountain-“

Instead the sect leader took his hands and made Luo Binghe look up, the look on his face was stra ge and made Luo Binghe uncomfortable.

And the worst thing happened.

The sect leader bowed to him!

“It was Cang Qiong who has done a great disservice to Luo Binghe.” Everyone in the room heard such a thing, Huan Hua bristled but all the lthers practically hungered for the drama.

 “That we had failed in such a way that you felt that you couldn’t return and felt undeserving. Cang Qiong doors will always be open to Luo Binghe, he doesnt have to prove his worth or fear rejection to come home.”

Oh- oh!

 He had to admit, Yue Qingyuan was similar to him, killing them with kindness. Making it seem as if they were the perfect sect family outside, and creating this humble narrative that Luo Binghe didnt deviate and spit on Cang Qiong but it was in fact a simple miscommunication!

 Then Shen Qingqiu spoke as well, “Yes. Qing Jing Peak is your home, unless Luo Binghe doesn’t want to return to the mountain that took him in?”

Oh, now everyone was watching Luo Binghe.

 But…they both could accuse him of being a demon, so why not use that instead?

Even so, both of them were looking at him expectantly, they all were.

“This Luo Binghe is grateful, and relieved to know that his worries were unnescary and that Cang Qiong still accepts me.”

Shen Qingqiu smirked, looking like he was about to win- until…

“But this Binghe is ungrateful. Huan Hua took me in after I was injured and this one wanted to repay that debt, maybe even foster good relations to both sects. And further more…This Binghe wanted to learn more about his past, the Luo River is closer to Huan Hua where I was born and wanted to learn about my past.”

 Luo Binghe gave them both beseaching looks.

“Can this one still stay at Huan Hua until I find the answers I am looking for?”

Shen Qingqiu looked annoyed, the Palace Master even inturupted.

“Yes! Why Luo Binghe was forced to find sanctuary here and never returned to Cang Qiong is a mystery! And Shen Qinqgiu! You claimed he had died at the immortal alliance!”

Shen Qinqqiu gritted his teeth, and the others became more rowdy.

 “Luo Binghe will remain here, until he feels comfortable speaking the truth and has no fear of the power and influence both of you have.”

Luo Binghe was touched this father figure was coming to his aid, but he couldn’t be more wrong, he was a demon emporer. He had a lot of power and influence.

________

“Afterall I’m the scum Shizun! And you are the victim! Always blaming me when in reality you hurt yourself,” luo Binghe paused huh?

 “What? No- never ind that.” Why was Shen Qingqiu upset anyway? “Look I’m at Huan Hua now, far away from you. And we can both pretend the other doesn't exist!” Then Luo Binghe paused.

“What are you doing taking missions so close to Huan Hua in the first place?”

Shen Qinqgiu ignored him.

 “What this master does with his own time is his own buisness.”

Okay.

Even so, Luo Binghe figured Madam Meiyan may help with Xin Mo, he can only spend so many b-points on suppressing it, but if it acted up in Huan Hua he may accidently trigger a papapa scene with one of the women and he didnt need that!

Why was it that no matter what mission and what he wanted to do, Shen Qingqiu was there!?

Always in trouble, always causing trouble, really playing the petty scum villain and being an overall pain in the neck!

Xin Mo kept telling Luo Binghe to just kill him and one of these days he may just listen to it!

 -wife plot with SQQ

 He had no idea why, Luo Binghe was on his way to another peak to investigate his mothers origins Meng Mo found a lead of a familair disciple who knew Binghes ‘mother’

Also the imposter syndrome he figured Origianal goods would lose face but this Luo Binghe was only looking into the plot, if his parents were alive he doubted they would be close, 

_____________________

And this is where I lost steam and had no idea what to write next, that LBH/sy is ignoring sqq and focusing on himself but when the others in trouble he goes "Ah well its the scum villain who cares...but I have to ask questions I'm the protagonist, and I want to ask questions about this plothole and such-" accidently uncovers Sqq past and reveals it was self-defense.

Whoops?

Now SQQ wants Luo Binghe back at Cang Qiong NOT because he cares about the little beast- it looks bad on HIM as a Peak Lord that he has some unruly disciple avoiding his peak like he's some abused little maiden running away from her husband.

Shen Qingqiu would break his fan at the thought, that little brat loved it! Shen Qingqiu has never raised a hand to the beast in years!

Luo Binghe even claims he hates him, that he's a scum Shizun and never cared so why does Binghe go out of his way to save Shen Qingqiu? instead of washing his hands of him, it doesn't make sense....

_______________________

Yeah I do want SQQ and Binghe to be end game, like SY is fascinated by SQQ as a character and has more interest in him than the women of the harem.

[yellowocaballero]

dude psyched ur reading orv, insanely curious about ur takes

My friend @charterandbarter put it best.

ORV is pretty fascinating to me. It's really just a self-insert isekai OP webnovel, and it is nothing else. Its medium is trashy and lowbrow, and its genre is almost devoid of high art. OP isekais are 'id' stories, meant to be satisfying and fun and contain very little of substance. ORV is a very well executed OP isekai - it contains the elements of the genre that make it satisfying, it understands why people read the genre and enjoy it, it reproduces those elements very well, and it is very concerned with telling an enjoyable story. ORV really, really loves webnovels and isekais and shitty wishfuillment stories. There's a lot more to ORV than the 'fist pump' moments of kdj doing something cool or pulling a fast one on a shmuck, but those moments are the undoubtedly the point of ORV, as they are the point of all SIOC isekai OP webnovels. And that's the point of ORV.

Metanarrative stories are cheap. Neil Gaiman's written 30 and millenials love waxing philosophical about the power of narratives. These metanarratives tend to describe stories as a theoretical framework through which we understand the world and our lives. Therefore, stories are tremendously important and valuable because they contain the totality of religion, history, culture, relationships, and lives. ORV says this too. But this theory tends to land at mystifying and exalting stories on virtue of them being stories, which I think misses the point. Stories aren't special because they're stories. They're not more sacred for containing our lives. What ORV says is that stories are important, because our lives are important. I like that a lot more.

ORV says that stories are our way of ordering a disordered world. A history, culture, nation, and religion are stories. None of those stories are true or real, because histories/cultures/nations/religions are constructs - they're how we interface with reality. They're created with a purpose, told for a point, pulled together into a narrative, and are satisfying or dissatisfying based on certain factors. ORV's perspective on fiction is deeply seeped in its own nature as 'low art'. There's something very cynical and commercialized about narratives in ORV, and every narrative in ORV is being told for a quick buck or to try and spread an idea for an individual's gains. It's a very unromantic, unimpressed view of narratives and fiction. It's pretty much the only way a SIOC OP isekai webnovel like ORV can talk about it without being disingenuous. And it's remarkably raw and visceral as a result, because ORV loves SIOC OP isekai webnovels like kdj loves yjh. Fiercely, insanely, like breathing, exactly for what it is. No pretensions.

It's bizarre, because ORV is about love. It's not about love for anything that deserves it. Not for a story with a lot of literary merit, a main character who is a remotely kind or lovable person, or art itself outside of its commercial or philosophical value. kdj really, really, really fucked loved TWS - because it was there, and because it lasted 15 years, and because it was fake, and because it was what he had. He loves yjh because yjh was his only companion in a dark world. That's fiction. Fiction helped him survive, because love is a way of ordering a disordered world.

I'm still reading myself, but ORV seems to be about how we manage to live in a hard world, and how to find it within ourselves to love each other and find meaning in that hard world. I see why kdj's the protagonist: he can find merit in something for existing, and loving it for being there, and he holds onto something because he has it. He sees the value in that. He read it in a book.

TL;DR: ORV is well-executed trashy commercialized art that is so obsessed with trashy commercialized art that it's looped straight back around into being somehow the most raw and visceral depiction of love I've seen in a long time.

[hyperfixingfr]

kndbrainrot is not a proshipper anymore

Oh yeah right, just like how they said they weren't asking for art anymore, that they were gonna leave the internet until they were mature enough to handle it, or they weren't evading people's blocks LMFAO... All of those turned out to be fatass lies, they even tried to repeat the same "I'm not gonna _ anymore" which was ALSO a lie. I refuse to take that crap with anything but a grain of salt because last I saw they were pulling the "what is wrong with me why would I invade spaces waaah 😢" crap to gain support and sympathy

EVEN IF THIS IS TRUE, they do not deserve any sort of support still. I do not CARE who you are, they've done far more bullshit in the past few weeks that they've said jack shit about. Them proshipping is just one of many shitty things they've done. I've tried to tell them to just get off the damn internet because they aren't mature enough for it, of which they lied (shocking/sarc) and said they would. Mind you this is the same person who decided it was totally okay to coax someone into giving an example of an apology so that they could steal it and pretend it was their apology. Also, they literally just accused some random ass POC millenial of being ME because they were calling them out in asks - and before I get anyone whining about "that was a long time ago" no it wasn't, they did that YESTERDAY.

This is going in the tags so none of you fall for this crap. Even with how unlikely it is to be real, you shouldn't support them or even unblock them if it turns out to be real anyways. This damn kid needs to get off the internet, because people have TRIED to reason with them. They're refusing to listen at this point, no matter how many times they claim they are listening, because no one is that incapable of apologizing after being told what to do a million times.

[ltleflrt]

The new Eminem music and the controversy over it is really interesting. We've got the younglings clutching their pearls over the offensiveness of the lyrics, and we've got the GenX and Millenials bonding over how Slim Shady is actually going easy in this song, compared to his old stuff. It's very funny really.

See, as a Xennial, I clearly remember how in the late 90s and early 00s, deliberately offensive comedy was en vogue. There was Eminem, Daniel Tosh, Bloodhound Gang, just to name a few of my personal faves. It was an elaborate game of "your mama" jokes, and trying to one up each other. No one actually hates each other's mama; it was just a framing device for creative insults that don't actually hurt anyone's feelings. There was an understanding that they knew they were being offensive and seeing how hard they could make their audience groan. The "ugh that's AWFUL" experience was funny. Like groaning at a stupid pun. We knew it was bad, and we weren't laughing because we agreed, we were laughing because "bro, you don't SAY shit like that!" It was satire, and we all recognized it.

Except, we didn't all recognize it for satire, did we? Suddenly there was an influx of comedians who were making offensive jokes about things they genuinely believed. And the joke changed from "this is funny because we all know it's bad" to "this is funny because we all know it's true", and that was a huge problem.

For the most part, people recognized that it was starting to go wrong, and there was a backlash against offensive humor. Justifiably. And the good comedians took that feedback and either changed their routines, or they faded into the background. Even Eminem went away. The comedians that pushed back against the backlash started to actually seem to mean the offensive jokes, and they're people we now frown on. Ricky Gervaise comes to mind. Still doing offensive comedy, but now I think he's just an asshole.

I do think Eminem believed some, if not most, of what he was saying and it wasn't entirely satire, but I think he still took the feedback gracefully and stopped making music for a while. And now he's back, and he's being mildly offensive, but we've cultivated new generations who don't get the joke. I'm not sure whether that's good because we're like "being mean isn't funny", or if it's bad because younger generations have lost the ability to understand and appreciate satire. A little of both, maybe.

[etaindelaserna]

Hello again....Do you mind if I ask your top 5 (or top 10) favorite moments from any media that you love (can books, anime/manga, tv series, movies, games, etc)? Thanks if you want to answer. Sorry if I ask too much or if I accidentally send this ask twice.....

Hello! Don't worry! I'm always appreciative when I see one of your asks pop up. So. Here. We. Go. As always in no particular order:

Gandalf talks to Frodo in Moria about Gollum (The Fellowship of the Ring)

There is something about that dialogue that always struck me as true, as something that touches our very essence. Not passing judgment too hastly, but also that our life is full of opportunities and each day we are confronted with the question what to do with this day. Nothing is lost. It just hasn't happened yet. We can choose whether we want to succeed or fail, whether we want to be good or bad.

Naruto confronts Zabuza about Haku (Naruto)

That moment never fails to make me tear up. Until that moment I didn't even consider Zabuza to be capable of having emotions but Naruto tore his armor away and revealed the deep connection he shared with Haku. I felt sad watching them die and yet it taught me and Naruto a lot about the shinobi lifestyle.

The truth about Itachi is revealed (Naruto)

Yeah, that one was a shock. I always wanted to believe that there was more to Itachi's story other than that he killed his whole clan because he "wanted to test his strength". Especially because he always tried to avoid a fight with Konoha shinobis and definitely didn't seem keen on killing them. But that Itachi sacrificed everything except Sasuke for the village -- that was a punch.

Luffy fights Arlong for Nami (One Piece)

Everything came together in that moment. I knew from the moment Nami couldn't let Zoro drown that something was up and when Arlong showed her that he will never ever let her or her village go, her desperation and fragility accumulated into pure epicness: asking Luffy to help her, Luffy trusting her with his hat and the boys just ready to beat the shit out of Arlong and his crew.

Theoden's speech at the Pelennor Fields (Return of the King)

Goosebumps. Every single time. The words. The music. Everything that leads up to it was pure desperation and then the riders arrive and god damn it. They came. They showed up to fight against the evils of Mordor. I was 13 when I saw this scene for the first time and I wanted to ride with them into battle.

Mufasa's ghost (The Lion King)

Mufasa's death must be something that has been ingrained into every millenials DNA. Just thinking about this scene, the music, Mufasa's desperation to save his son, his face when Scar betrays him, Simba's fear and sadness when he discovers that his father is dead ... it's a tragedy that speaks to one of our deepest fears: the loss of a parent or a loved one. And then ... he comes back to guide Simba, to remind him of his responsibility. It hits home.

Jon Snow's resurrection (Game of Thrones)

Jon was easily one of my favourite characters of the show. When he was killed I didn't want to accept it. It just wasn't possible that this was the end. This was all it amounted to: dead, because he did the right thing. Just like Ned and Robb. So when he was brought back to life I felt alive, too. It gave me hope that after all this something good would come out of it ... but yeah, then season 7 and 8 happened.

Vader saves Luke from the Emperor (The Return of the Jedi)

Another moment that just touched something within me. Luke's love for his father made him turn back to the light side. I've known Star Wars since I can remember but it still makes me cheer. It restores hope.

Morgain brings Arthur to Avalon (The Mists of Avalon)

I always felt that Arthur and Morgain were meant to be, but destiny made them half siblings. And when after all their hardships and years of separation, even after Morgain tried to dethrone Arthur and after he killed Mordred, she still seeked him out, only to find him mortally wounded from the battle -- and Arthur accepted her, was glad to see her one last time and asked her to bring him to Avalon. I felt the tragedy and sadness of their story. I also always felt that Arthur truly loved Morgain but knew that it could never be. So her kidness at the end, promising him, that she wasn't going to leave again, was at least some closure for me.

Harry learns the real truth about Sirius (The Prisoner of Azkaban)

This twist, that Sirius wasn't the one who betrayed Liliy and James, was such a surprise. But what sold the moment for me was the relief Harry felt when after years of abuse and neglect by the Dursleys, he would be able to live with Sirius. I loved that moment. It was so easy to imagine how happy Harry must have felt in that moment.

[toxicmons]

Pls answer 1, 5, and 14 from the ask meme if you'd like :)

1. What was your first pokemon game?

My first ever game was mystery dungeon team blue, which I got when I could BARELY read (the true pokemon kid experience). I still have it and still love it. My second game and my first main line game was diamond c:

5. Have you played any of the spin-off games? Which is your favourite?

I've played PMD team blue a bunch of times, the new pokemon snap, the first ranger game and shadows of Almia (though I never managed to finish them) and I picked up PMD explorers of sky for a hot second when I was a kid but it was so different from my beloved team blue that I wasn't interested in playing it at the time ^^; (sinful I know). I really liked ranger for its concept and art but I think there's only so many times you can draw circles before it gets kinda boring. I love the new pokemon snap, it makes the child in me very happy! But PMD has a special place in my heart so I think the title of favourite spin-off game would have to go to rescue team blue uwu

14. What do you think of the most popular pokemon? Are they worth the hype?

Uh-oh time to ruffle some feathers :'D I have ... strong feelings about The Big Favourites so I apologize in advance. I will definitely forget some but some of those (at least in my mind) are charizard, gardevoir, lucario, the eeveelutions, gengar, arcanine, zoroark, zeraora, pikachu, mimikyu, greninja, delfox, cinderace (and just a bunch of other starters)...

My most controversial opinion is probably that I dislike the eeveelutions :] It's really just because they've been shoved down my throat by the company and the fans since I was a kid so I got annoyed and started disliking them out of principle ^^; If at least they were viable but most of them have such fucked stats and/or move pools I don't think they deserve all the hype (jolteon is pretty neat though). I do 100% understand their appeal of course I mean ... look at them, but I can't bring myself to care about them :x

Charizard I don't need to get into detail about. We all know the jokes and memes about gen 1 purists and millenial men that like charizard (insert old joke about Leon here). So you can guess where I stand on that. It's gotten old, we get it, move on. Please.

I'm not a blue-wolf-furry so I don't care for lucario, zoroark and zeraora. I get it, but no thank you.

I like Gengar but that's about it. It's iconic and silly (and a poison type so ofc I'm biased) but it's just kinda eh to me. I used to dislike lucario a lot more but now I also just feel kind of indifferent about it. Same with gardevoir and most of the popular starters.

I like arcanine and pikachu I've gotten more fond of over the years, looking past how overhyped it is for being the mascot and recognizing that it is indeed very cute. Mimikyu I also like and I want to use one some day but I also don't love it.

TLDR: I don't like the eeveelutions because I don't like fun and though I completely understand the appeal and hype about the most popular pokemon I really think we need to move on from them and the company should put their money into different things for once. (Mostly mad at the company here)

[cuchufletapl]

Boku no Hero Academia officially ended today and I'm feeling Things.

I've never posted much about it on Tumblr despite the fact that I've been reading the manga for close to eight years, so this is kind of random for this blog, but eh. I'm gonna word vomit for a second.

I think that for a lot of people who are into animanga, there's usually this one series that's in publication throughout their youth and that, as a result of seeing through the beginning and end of adolescence, stays with them permanently. There's a lot to say about the ways that art imprints on the mind, the soul, the self — and I think, above all, there is nothing quite like growing up alongside a piece of fiction. For millenials, one of the Big 3 was often that piece of fiction. For me, it has been Boku no Hero Academia.

There are other manga that have touched my soul with their messages, pleased and expanded my aesthetic sensibilities, in more profound ways that BNHA has — hell, it's not even my favourite shonen, that title goes to Fullmetal Alchemist — but I started watching the anime when I was around sixteen, and I've just come to see the end of the manga when I'm twenty-three, and thus these characters and this story hold such a dear place in my heart that I think is hard to surpass.

I'd been an otaku for years before I came across BNHA, but the fandom still meant a lot of firsts for me: first cosplay, first figurine, first fanzine that I ever bought, first time reading fic in English, first nekketsu shonen that I ever got so into (I watched One Piece and DBZ as a kid, but that's not the same as the fervor of a teenage fan), one of the first times watching anime while it was still airing and seeing all the fandom reactions in real time.

This manga has accompanied me through a good chunk of my formative years. It's weird saying goodbye to it.

My involvement with the fandom has been on-and-off throughout all this time, but tododeku is still my One True Pairing; seeing Bakugo, Uraraka or All Might on screen or on the page still immediately brings a grin to my face; I get excited like a little kid whenever I hear "Saranimu kouhe, Plus Ultra!"; I can talk about the themes and character arcs and my opinions of it all for hours if anyone let me. I expect these feelings to stay with me for a long time even after this journey has reached its conclusion.

The story has obvious flaws. Some loose ends, foreshadowing that wasn't delivered upon, the clear struggle that juggling such a vast cast of interesting characters became, and the ending certainly doesn't really align with my hopes and political beliefs (although it did end along the lines of what I expected — I never once thought they were going to dismantle the system, it's been obvious for a long time that Horikoshi was going in the direction of superficial reform, not transformation). But there were many times during this last arc and the epilogue when I was brought to genuine tears, when I had to walk off the profound emotions I was feeling before I could continue reading. I do feel content and fulfilled with the place where my most beloved characters ever have ended up. BNHA has so much heart put into it, it's the work and dedicated effort of a decade, and despite Horikoshi's shortcomings as a storyteller (which I think are heavily affected by Shonen Jump's brutal release schedule and the inherent drawbacks of serialisation), his art, visual symbolism, and panelling have gotten phenomenal over the years — to me, his work is a huge example of why I love this medium, of what it can do to illustrate long-form storytelling, of how to strike a chord within the reader's heart with just the pacing of the drawings on a page.

I guess the only thing left to say is that Horikoshi Kohei has my gratitude for creating a world and a group of characters that made me care so much, feel so much, and have so much fun with for all these years, including during the roughest time of my life so far.

Anyway.

TL;DR — nothing can quite compare to the bond between a nerd and the long-ass shonen manga series that they got obsessed with in highschool.

[emmashouldbewriting]

The girls behind deux moi said they never verify anything they get and that they also will make up stuff to post, disguising it as anonymous submissions.

If you still think they're reliable and trustworthy after hearing that, then...good luck.

(I find the discussions about deux moi interesting, honestly. My theory, based on a drunk conversation at a bachelorette party sleepover, is that it all comes down to Perez Hilton. if you were around during the Perez Hilton era, you're permanently skeptical and disbelieving of celebrity gossip, blind and otherwise. If you came around after Perez toned it down, you more easily accept the celebrity gossip that's posted and are more likely to believe it as true, even if shown receipts otherwise.)

it's a place i sporadically visit (i'm a writer, give me some grace) but yes, they're very problematic in that regard. i like a good discussion forum, but gossip is not my thing really.

and yes, anon, i'm with you. perez hilton was the ultimate shittalker back in the day, and we millenials regard that era the same way we regard everything else we grew up with: with a heavy dose of skepticism.

[rebellum]

I've seen this post multiple times over the past few days and I'm still confused

Is it just the reply tweet by @tristandross that's messed up and that is being referred to?

Because when I peeked in the notes I saw some people acting like the original tweet is a big issue too

And they seemed to be implying it's wrong to say autistic people can accidentally cheat

But a) everyone can accidentally cheat

B) Isn't it true?? I would assume it's true. Like if you haven't discussed the exact boundaries of your relationship explicitly and are going off of """common sense""" (aka usually unspoken cultural expectations), and you have trouble reading body language or intuitively knowing social expectations, then it makes sense that an autistic person would, say, continue to cuddle with a friend like they've always done, only to make their partner upset because it turns out their partner considers that cheating. Especially since there are some people that consider a LOT of stuff to be cheating, like sleeping over at a friend's house of another gender and sleeping in the same room, even if you two consider eachother to basically be siblings.

Like, I remember years ago, an internet friend happened to be in my city for a few days, so we were going to hang out, but his gf had said we couldn't cuddle or anything (I'm a huge cuddler). And I was complaining about that to my mum, like "wow I've known this guy for TEN YEARS and the only thing I can do is give him a quick hug?" And my mum asked what I meant by cuddling, so I hugged her and put my head on her shoulder, and she was like "yeah if you're stepdad did that I would consider that to be cheating."

And I hadn't considered that to be cheating at all, and I'm not even autistic, I'm just a young queer millenial so it's considered culturally appropriate for my friends and I to cuddle eachother.

So I guess I would appreciate clarity from someone about what this post actually means

this is literally how some people talk about autism on here

[darlington-v]

"older gen z'ers have much more in common with millennials than with younger gen zers" wrong. if that were true, we'd just be considered millennials. like do i have more in common with millennials than the youngest of gen z? yes.

but my sibling is young gen z and i absolutely have more in common with her than i do my millennial cousins. like, that is just the truth idk what to say.

like. yeah, gen z has been on this website since we were in middle school, i am willing to bet that a lot of gen z on here are probably on the older side but like i would not be surprised if there were just as many young gen z like....

tumblr is not ACTUALLY some underground platform, it's like just the least popular MAINSTREAM platform.

if you are gen z and you think you relate more to millennials you are likely unaware of all the differences between the two beyond like. "gen z is iphones and harry styles" and "millennials are a desktop computer, pop punk, and tamagotchis."

like millenials did not grow up being on the internet or on a computer, they got access to the internet probably around the age of 10 at the earliest, and they got cellphones much later.

most gen z grew up with computer access, eldest gen z are probably more familiar with a "family computer" but gen z's would have been really young kids with access to a computer, if you weren't it was likely because your family couldn't quite afford it yet or maybe your parents were still strict about technology. but culturally, it was normal to have a family computer in your house by this point in time.

most gen z i know also got a phone at an earlier age, while most millenials at the earliest got a phone in high school while the norm, to my understanding, was after high school or if they could get the money to buy their own. most gen z i know, their parents bought their phone for them, and they usually got it by middle school.

like.... gen z ARE gen z. like, i saw someone argue like younger gen z and elder gen z grew up in a different world, and like yeah technology advanced fast but like it wasn't different world fast. and culture didn't change suddenly in between the 13-ish year range for gen z for it to drastically give the generation an entirely different experience between one another.

did i have tamagotchis and she didnt? yeah, like one real tamagotchi with a bunch of lps knock offs. but i also grew up watching youtube lets players like she did, and millennials didn't. for millennials, youtubers were not formative. the earliest youtubers hit peak around 2010/2011 with names like jenna marbles and shane dawson. for the oldest gen z, you were likely still in middle school if that, but for the youngest millenial, you would have been in high school.

and those are different experiences and that's when we observe just those at the cusp. when we look at it more broadly, gen z would have been kids watching these youtubers while millenials were in high school and going onto college. and the more formative youtubers to gen z like jacksepticeye and markiplier (there's more, theyre just the ones that come immediately into my head) hit popularity when most millenials would have been in college, and most of gen z was in middle school. do you see the discrepancy???? those are two very different experiences. i'm not saying millennials didn't participate in this culture, but that the relationship that millennials had was different than what gen z would have had.

what markiplier means to like me or my sibling does not mean the same to my 30 year old cousins, (honestly most of them are not familiar with markiplier, if i'm gonna be real, but i will also not pretend like millennials don't know markiplier)

and like, there are youtubers formative to my younger siblings experience that i am not familiar with, but i am familiar with youtubers, simply, being integral to a decent chunk of my childhood and adolescence and that is something that is not as common and is not the same with millennials. AND LIKE THAT'S FINE, THERE'S NO SHAME EITHER WAY; IT'S JUST AN OBSERVATION.

but like obviously when you are on the cusp you are going to have more things in common with the previous generation than the youngest of your generation will. the youngest of gen z probably also relate more to gen alpha than they do millennials, where the eldest of gen z likely do not relate much to gen alpha at all. that is the nature of being on the cusp, but like... if ur gen z, ur formative years and childhood didn't look the same as a millennials. that's just facts, like gen z didn't experience childhood in the late 80s and the 90s, most of gen z experienced it roughly in the 2000s, whether you remember the early 2000s, or if it's the late 2000s.

that's just factual. like ive seen a bunch of millenials and ig elder gen z pretend like they're only gen z on a technicality.

but, like, i mean if ur 99, ur not gen z on a technicality. you ARE just gen z. you grew up from the 2000s and into the 2010s. the eldest of us experienced adolescence in the 2010s, and the youngest experience childhood during that time. we experienced the same culture during our most formative years. that is the difference. u are not suddenly a millennial bc u remember ads on tv, tamagotchis, and myspace. we overlap more than you anticipate because we grew up at the ass end of that era. our experiences are different, though, because we view it from the perspective of a young kid and millennials view it from the perspective of a teenager to a young adult.

anyways tldr; elder gen z are still gen z. if we weren't, we'd be considered millennials. the cultural differences don't disappear just because you're 26 and you remember moon shoes while your 17 year old cousin doesn't.

[slusho666]

it's been well over a decade since i had an active tumblr life - i met friends and lovers, travelled the country sleeping on couches and rv lots, toured with musicians and comedians, found out what i was made of. then i moved and settled. i got a job that paid my bills, even though i thought that would never happen for me. i worked tirelessly for a decade to save a little tiny bit of money, but never succeeding - always giving it over to friends and family, spending it on nice dinners for my partner, adopting a dog, moving to a bigger place. but progress isn't linear, not for folks like me who fight so hard to have the markers of adulthood that were promised to us but never received. for the families who never made it out of poverty, learning that you can't hard work your way to success, can't outsmart or outrun a system that has already left you behind. this moment terrifies me. i wake up every day scared for the future, if we even get one. long ago, i made peace with the idea that a "normal" life wasn't for me. that i was okay to struggle and work harder, smarter, faster. that the scraps were plenty! actually, it's about who you share them with! and that was true. because the scraps went further then. you could still work in service and survive. you could grow a career from a good conversation. you could still find diamond opportunities in the coal mines of capitalism. that life is gone. that future never existed for folks younger than me, barely did for us. all the jokes about millenials working at buzzfeed drinking overpriced lattes in american apparel and listening to MGMT were kind of right somehow. there was this one brief moment in the post-obama liberalism that felt like we were gonna be fine (and frugal, don't forget how much of that aesthetic was built on saving some coin or "not being like everyone else" aka "not being fancy"). i lost my job. they told me i didn't do anything wrong. i had only been there five months. i had worked on a few things i was really excited about. creative things, working with creators on here that i deeply admire. and they cut me. for no reason. the paperwork even says for no reason. i'm 11 years into a career i can not sustain. i am over 34 years into a life i can no longer afford. all i wanted was to play music in rooms with my friends. i didn't want to do this.

[lumios64-blog]

(Concord, Dustborn, etc) - Do gamers really hate inclusivity?

So, do they? Red Dead Redemption 2 has the most diverse cast of supporting characters and it sold 65 millions copies. It has: women, a bri'ish, an indian, an african american, a mexican, an overweight man, a perpetually drunk guy, a disabled old man and many more. Despite this, nobody cared, the right wing didn't care, gamers didn't care. So, what gives?

You hear it all of the time from news sites like Kotaku and Polygon, but like constantly. "Gamers are racist", "gamers are sexist", that sort of thing. I'm sure it's true to some extent and there are gamers who are assholes, but to be honest I do not think the problem lies in the entire gaming community.

I think the simple answer to the issue is threefold, and I'm going to get to it further down, but to keep it simple: Red Dead Redemption 2 is well-written with memorable characters and memorable moments, meanwhile games made by annoying hippy neolibshits are infuriating and have some of the least likable characters ever created.

I know some of you will say and I hear you guys, gals and others in the back plain as day "You like red dead remdeption 2 only because you play as Arthur Morgan, a cis white ma-[…]", no. If you had replaced Arthur Morgan by a black woman, it wouldn't have made a difference to me. In fact, I found Arthur Morgan to be one of the weaker characters in the game. His personality is bewilderingly boring; he is such a do-gooder and portrayed as a hero as long as his honor is in the yellow while he simultaneously is a bandit who CANONICALLY(try a pacifist run on every mission, you can't) kills people which mildly infuriates me when the game constantly tries to paint him as this kind-hearted soul who would never hurt a fly. In the context of the story itself, he isn't that much better - he is so passive and never makes any real move on his own accord other than what the player directly instructs him to, and that one time he threw the accountant out of the camp. However, it's probably for the best he's a straight cis white male plus billions of other "part of the majority" labels because if he wasn't, nobody would put the fault on him as a character, but rather on what he represents. People have been conditioned to perceive poorly written characters that are black/transgender/lesbian/disabled/vitiligo to be tokenism OR wokeism OR rainbow capitalism OR forced diversity OR tumblrism OR slacktivism, and again it's all caused by political activists like the clowns who developed Dustborn since they wanted to make a sociopolitical commentary, but failing to do so in an appropriate manner. You must live happily knowing your anti-racist activism is achieving the exact opposite and doing a disservice to all of humankind.

Not to mention there are many popular games and shows that features underrepresented groups of people as protagonists like Tomb Raider, the Boondocks, GTA SA, GTA 5 or even most indie games - Crosscode, Celeste and Crypt of the Necrodancer are great! Go check them out! None of them receive the same level of bad publicity as Ghostbusters, Captain Marvel, and now, Dustborn.

For the sake of argument; let's say you want to make a game, a movie or a book that is inclusive and diverse. How do you do it right?

Simple, you keep these three aspects in mind and you do everything in your power to not reproduce them:

Writing & voice acting

When a piece of media doesn't become polarized due to being malignantly progressive and cavalier in its delivery, you usually get complaints of "millenial writing". It's a neologism and a pejorative term referring to poor writing and storytelling from inexperienced people who still talk like they are 14. There are two non-political games that come to mind with this sort of garbage. Viewfinder, most infamously known for that one clip of the most popular twitch streamer in the world speedrunning "muting voice acting any%", and Forspoken. Meanwhile, if it is indeed intentional for the sake of the story or political narrative, you get Dustborn where the protagonist is even more entitled than Karen when she's demanding to talk to the manager. Her way of talking is truly adolescent, infantile even - I can almost predict what she's going to say next. Aside from that; when she asks for something, she always wants it and won't have it any other way. There's that scene where she wants to enter a night club or a bar, I couldn't be bothered to remember what it was exactly, and she begs the guard to let her in, even going as far as to use her superpowers on him. Don't tell me that's how a real person acts.

Character design

I often notice in "woke" media how strangely the characters are designed. Apart from immutable characteristics like their ethnicity or gender, their designs usually fall into "tumblresque" clichés: For instance, they tend to have a mohawk haircut with excessive hair coloring if they have not been shaved bald, and with that a flashy outfit. They always seem to use the "punk" aesthetic in some ways, probably because they want the cast to be misfits or anticonformists of sorts, even when it is an eyesore. An even bigger eyesore if you put hair coloring, colorful bandaids and piercings on a black or vitiligo character, the contrast is simply too heavy from light colors to dark colors. Yet, they never seem to notice it, and usually wind up surprised that everybody thinks the character is an eyesore to look at. The entire cast in Dustborn wears some form of neon yellow which looks fine on some characters, but on others, dear heavens, they look awful. It is particularly bad on characters like Theo and Noam who have a muted color palette. Borderlands, Concord R.I.P and Redfall have the same issue, flashy clothes and quirky haircuts for everyone!

The message & commentary

Last, but not least, they always fail to be subtle. Every single one of them loves to tell you what to think and how to think. This is the typical mindset of these people, be loud, be heard and if you don't listen, be shunned. The worst part is they genuinely believe this is making a substantial change in this forsaken world. Tangent aside, this usually manifests in their movies, video games and books in the form of a lack of the aforementioned subtlety. They have no self-awareness and can't think outside their bubble either, so they won't ever look back on anything they've added that might be offensive or obviously propaganda to certain people and ask themselves whether they should rewrite the script to better accommodate their audience. For example, if there is a gay character, he must remind the audience that he is gay repeatedly. This is not only reinforcing stereotypes of gay people being flamboyant, but it actively contributes to homophobic sentiment. Name me any movie, game or book that has a straight male character saying "hey guys I'm straight, look at me!", having him kiss a woman every other scene or making him carry around this subversive abomination of super-straight flag either on his belongings or as a pin. The straightest character I can think of off the top of my head is Mario who gets a kiss on the cheeks at the end of some games, or Homer Simpsons who is married to a woman and has had 3 kids with her. How often does that happen with gay people in media? I'm tempted to say "never". Either the character is a literal stereotype of gay people or they aren't gay at all! That being said; here's an example directly from Dustborn: In the latter half of the game, you fight conspiracy theorists (I think? I can't be bothered to check again) and the game makes sure to remind you how terrible these people are as you beat them up. Here's how Postal 2 and Goat Simulator handled it, they have a bunch of people protesting, and the game just mocks them with how stupid the thing they are protesting is, that is it. Parody is funny, thought-provoking and can change someone's mind. You can choose to beat them up, but it's by no means necessary to progress the story and the games don't tell you how to think.

The only time there's anything in Red Dead Redemption 2 that ever comes close to following any of the principles above is Arthur's willingness to help indians (given that he is, you know, an outlaw who is supposed to be getting the hot cash to travel to Tahiti) and the frequency for which they are depicted positively in the game, and Micah Bell for the sociopath that he is, but firstly he is the antagonist and secondly I find his dialogue rather witty compared to Karen Dustborn. As for RDR2 and the indians, that actually made someone on YouTube so mad they made an exposé on it and claimed it was "woke revisionism". The sigma male that shall not be named complained about other aspects of the game like the feminist in Saint Denis, but really he was primarily bothered by the so-called revisionism.

All in all, what this proves is that gamers don't hate inclusivity and diversity, they hate your shitty politics and your half-assed attempt at turning them into moral puritans.

If you're gonna push propaganda into our games, have the common decency to learn storytelling, character development and character design. It is really all it takes! I bet any idiots could make a game with every single theme present in dustborn and it would, at minimum, outsell it by 4 times the amount it got on steam if they do everything right.

P.S: It took so long to string my thoughts together on this topic that Dustborn is old news and the Minecraft movie dropped its trailer long ago. Time to crack open this one I guess. I got for you several other great examples of bad character designs directly from the trailer, and, to clarify; this movie isn't "woke". I just wanted to point that out since the whole post was lambasting cult-ish progressives who are unable to understand how to read the room and improve on their craft, but in that movie's case I'm just using it as yet another example to make my point clear that everything I've said thus far is important. As a plus, it seems completely apolitical. Anyway… Let's start this list with "Garrett Garrison", who is played by Jason Momoa. He looks absolutely insane and unhinged. He looks fuckugly awful.

Do I actually put the effort to explain what's wrong or do I let everybody figure it out? Ok what-ever, I'll do the homework just in case someone reading is too far lost to see the wrong when it's so blatantly staring at them. Starting off with the clothes, he wears a puffer jacket like those goku drip memes, as a grown ass man with facial hair no less. The cherry on top of the shit cake would be if he'd introduce himself with "how do you do fellow kids" when the movie comes out. The color pink doesn't compliment him at all, and for the record I like the color purple and I don't mind what color you like, if you're a boy and like pink you're perfectly fine. What I'm getting at here is that this color looks ass on him and I think if he wore red or blue it'd still look ass. The best color for him would be either yellow, black or white to go with the shirt. Speaking of the shirt, it looks like the type of shirt a 8 years old would wear. On top of all that, he has a very manly beard and really long blonde hair together which simply doesn't work. Thus the character looks like something a transphobe would design. When the trailer came out I honestly thought he was the token transgender character. Fortunately, the minecraft wiki reminded me that he is, in fact, a cis man by using the he/him pronouns. The moviemakers are so out of touch with reality that they accidentally made the most repulsive and offensive character in the past 10 years. The next character I wanna bring up is Dawn played by Danielle Brooks. Her look isn't nearly as "amusing" as the garbage man, but she still looks like someone's original character with that strange garment on her jacket and around her neck. The jacket itself is flashy and tacky, and is gonna break some fashion conventions if worn in the upcoming 100 years. Then, there is Steve who is just Jack Black with a blue shirt. What else can I add? Seriously, he looks so boring, the polar opposite of the other characters in the worst way possible. On a sidenote, am I going insane or is nobody talking about the fact that Jack Black was specifically chosen for the role? Do I need to remind people he has a darker skin tone than Jack Black? I normally wouldn't bring this up, however the fact that every other day the white neolibs, progressives and the blm community at large lose their collective shit whenever a black character is drawn one shade too bright, while right there you have the most blatant example of whitewashing I've ever seen, and all I'm hearing are crickets is astounding. Guess it's simply easier to harass an artist into submission than the multibillion dollar corporation, isn't that right? Finally, there are those two kids, I think they look the least out of place in the whole trailer, but one of them (the one with the vaporwave sun on the shirt) is wearing a grandma gown which is weird, it's like the trash man wearing a child's t-shirt.

Again, it bears repeating, but this movie is proof that good characters, good writing and enough subtlety go a long way to engage the viewer. You could make a video game, film or novel about climate change and I can guarantee you that if it doesn't go "stop eating meat chud, stop driving cars dipshit and stop doing crypto cretin" (or even visually implying it if not spoken out loud) every chance it gets it'll probably have more of an impact on the viewer/reader/player. At the very least, If you're going to shove propaganda into our media for "the greater good", do it right. Quit further polarizing everyone on everything; all this is doing is contributing to racism, sexism, -phobias, and distrust, including that of science, i.e. climate change, vaccination, etc. - all the things you were supposed to fight against!

I doubt making this post will change anything, and these activists will continue to do what they do best: ruining art and media with their shoehorned political diatribe, but hey, at least I can tell myself that I tried.

Alternative title: When wokescolds don't understand subtlety

[8054yamato]

I'm shut out, I'm shut in

And every time I try to reach out, to reach in, I break my fingers on the bricks

I'm tied up, I'm tied down

And every time I try to fly up, I fly down into the sea and hold my breath

I am a mirrored rumble fish

Life is so clenching for the kill

So could you reach down and pull me out?

Or am I just too far gone?

I may be too far gone to be saved.

My eyes have gone blurry. Meaningless quarrells, escapism, and suicidal thoughts have run rampant as an everyday occurance in my life. Everyone else who was around me has moved on, but it seems that I can not. Life fucking sucks and I do not think I can thug it out anymore. It is too stressful and I am a disappointment and a shame to myself. Everything about me is horrid. From my mental down to my character. I am tainted. If I can't even stomach myself, how can others handle me? Not only am I unstable, but I fake my happiness too often for it to be noticable.

It absolutely is ironic how I say bullying will never get to me. To an extent, it is true. Why the fuck would a random's opinion matter? Until you realize self-hate is a form of bullying as well. My biggest enemy is myself. Every year, my mirror wins an argument against me. Over time, that gets to you and makes me feel empty. I lost who I truly was ages ago. I am a husk of despair, desparate, and fake emotions.

I am turning 19 this year which will be my final age until the universe goes under a heat death. They say a person truly dies when everyone has stopped thinking of them post-mortem. I wonder how long that'll take for me? 1 week? 1 month? I hope it's no longer than 3 days, but that's a little to optimistic. I hope I am not used as a statistic or a fuel for someone's propaganda.

Since 2019/2020, I have attempted suicide at least once per year. Each time I (obviously) have failed. 2025 will for sure be my year. By my next attempt, my ex-friends would have already been near at the end of their first year of college or maybe preparing the start of their first year. People who I love will be out working on their respective career or retire that same year. I won't be there to experience their feats, but I will be looking up and cheering them on.

Looking back at my life, I am happy I dragged nobody into my problems. I would just waste their time since I can not be fixed. It would be as hopeless as taping up shattered glass. Of course, even if I were to rewind time, I do not think I can fix myself still or have the confidence for that at minimum. Some people are meant to quit and I am destined to be one of them. Some people are just too vulnerable to carry on and persist through mental barriers.

I am wondering: "Where did it all go wrong?". Birth probably. Jokes aside, the internet influence on a 6 year old me was bad. I developed dark humor and learned slurs like the hard R.

2011-2012 was a wild year for a boy surfing on the internet alone. The very first porno I watched was, I shit you not, 2 Girls 1 Cup. There might've been porn ads on that site which led me to my first real porn site. I don't remember it exactly but I think it was hdporn.com or something.

I may be a Gen-Z kid, but I grew up with millenial household so I was into cultures of that time. I love emo, anime, very early K-POP, rock, internet memes, forums/threads, and so on because I grew up in that environment. Unfortunately, while I was able to make friends, I could not find anyone who could really relate to me 1:1. As a child, I grew up not having any similarities with people in terms of childhood and so our interests were vastly different. I was still able to make friends because we all enjoyed each other's company. Until I crashed out in fifth grade and became a loner for the entirety of that year and half of 6th grade. I was severely depressed at this time.

So I guess the start of it all really was fifth grade. That might have been where my life gone to helplessness.

People say suicide isn't the answer. That's their opinion. I honestly am just tired of fighting. They are right, but I just do not give a fuck anymore. I would like to sleep forever and rot underground or in a jar. In the ocean would be pretty badass too.

6-7 months left on my lifespan.

[ninasbookshelf]

strip tees by kate flannery book review

Strip Tees: A Memoir of Millenial Los Angeles by Kate Flannery. Strip Tees details one woman's experience working for American Apparel at the height of the company’s popularity in the 2000s. unfortunately i found the writing lackluster; the author took handful upon handful of crazy stories and managed to make them boring. the pacing was off, the tone a bit strange, and if i didn’t have a vested interest in the behind-the-scenes of American Apparel (due to being a teen girl when the company was at its peak) i would not have bothered to finish reading this book. additionally the author never took a stand for anything… even in writing the memoir she doesn’t seem to take accountability or have any true regret for her part in the company. she came off as smug and uncaring, despite actively playing a role in upholding the company’s flaws. it’s one thing to get caught up in the whirlwind of a work experience–which i do think is how it started out for her–and i think it’s important to show how young women get roped into situations like the ones at American Apparel. but Flannery self-righteously flaunts her college education and focus on feminism, yet continues to work for and promote American Apparel for years after revealing that she sees how wrong it is. she doesn’t seem to learn, grow, or have anything firm to say on the situation, and upholds an immature and edgy, "i'm so bad" attitude that reveals a lack of accountability and general bad taste, especially so many years later. after awhile it became off-putting and hard to read, and i still don’t know what Flannery was trying to convey with the tone.