#i'm a bit anxious lol but i'm proud of me because i finished a whole mv parody and it was long

[cyellolemon]

So hhm here is a little teaser for the World is Mine mv i did with my ocs Olive and Ambrose! I will post the full mv in a week on Sunday, October 15th!

I have no idea how to create some hype but please look foward it, i worked a lot on this!! :3

(btw i've been lazy rn but the video will have english subtiles)

[heartstringsduet]

I adore your Let Me series and I was wondering if you've ever found writing that dynamic to be daunting in any way, and if so how did you deal with that?

Also, do you have any advice for writers who want to take on a large project but are too intimidated by it to get started?

I've noticed that you’ve had moments in your writing process where you've struggled and made difficult choices, and yet you still power through. I really admire that!

Hi Harley <3 You're such a sweetheart for asking! And for the compliment 😭 I've actually never found it daunting despite being on the ace spectrum and having no personal experience with bdsm. I was just always fascinated with the dynamics especially outside of the bedroom. The room for tension but also for comfort and growth it can bring. I maybe should feel a bit anxious about representing this right but honestly, I try not to stress. And that works for me. This is a hobby, for free. I'm hopefully never the source for people who want to go into the scene lol.

Initially, it was just about Carlos having interest and a past with it and that creating opportunity for TK to explore it. But it has spun out to this whole thing where I try to show the complexities of relationships and a dynamic like this. What I found daunting AFTER starting it is how it really runs with me like no other fic ever has. I think I only find a red line through writing in it so that means cutting a lot. Also now they're kind of their own characters in that universe and I have to remember all those details about them but also stay in the timeline of 911LS (as if it has one lol) like...wait who wanted to try breath play when ooops. As for the question of large projects...I wish I had a better answer but I think that's so individual. I'm pretty sure most people plan with an outline. Lose or detailed. I don't. I have a beginning, a few middle parts and a vague end. But as with Let Me, my hands just do what they want sometimes and I think of a better angle or notice that shit, I did not have an idea for the core concepts until the middle. For me, what helps with long projects is honestly having other WIPs. Which again, I know some people can't do. It's all because I want to have FUN writing. And long projects definitely have a few scenes that are necessary but not fun when you write them. It's tricky, ngl. It's a lot of "I want to delete this. No one even reads this. Everyone reads this and hates this" and putting it aside, wait for better mental days when you hate it a little less. I PROMISE you, sometimes two weeks can transform what you have written and hated before to something you think at least has potential. Put as little pressure on yourself to make it the best work ever. This is for you. You. You. For you who likes writing. For you who wants to read the story you're writing. Yes, you want people to engage with it but ultimately, even a work you only think is 'okay' is very satisfying once it's done when it's a long project especially. Like I'm proud of my longest work. I completed it. Like wow. But also: series are easier. Less pressure to finish 100k before posting. If I ended Let Me after the last chapter that would be fine. And if I open it back up in a year or two, that's awesome too. Maybe that could be less daunting for a large project?

[sgt-paul]

should have posted this on the anniversary of the rooftop concert but posting it on the anniversary of the ed sullivan show the first live wings gig is pretty fitting as well, anyway i just have the urge to react to the sort of "paul is a nervous, anxious wreck and he doesn't want to go on the roof he is scared and he is pain, and he is fishing for excuses" trope i've seen spiral on here (thanks to PJ's ability to come up with the most tone deaf "insights") as i'm just.. i don't get what people are looking at lol.

like, how do we get from paul talking about wanting to perform and play live for the whole doc really to the "paul is waiting for someone to boycott the gig because he is afraid to play live" conclusion. we know he wants to perform and play live, he wants an audience etc, because not only is he consistent about this during get back (at the "meeting" before the concert when there's still some uncertainty around the whole thing, according to MLH he is the one telling the others that they should do it), he said it himself (1) prior to get back [the idea of singing live is much more appealing to us now] (2) he continues saying this after they have finished get back (we know touring was basically the only suggestion he's made to the band around the time of/at the divorce meeting too) and (3) 3 years later, just months after he's formed wings the first thing he does is bringing his original idea to life with their university tour. + (4) he's absolutely thriving when he is playing on the roof...

yeah paul shows that he is frustrated and nervous about the direction the project is heading into, but he is literally right, he is not "moaning about nothing", he is not in a "pointless anxiety spiral", he's not bringing up "excuses" because he has "stage fright". (i can get behind the idea that he would be nervy about playing live again because (1) duh, and (2) in regards to that he very openly and sensibly says that he thinks they've/he's "got a bit shy". but uhm, that's quite different from what people are trying project him). the sense you get from him is that for him, playing a few numbers on the roof, and a couple others in the basement in a rush, and then somehow stringing them together into an album is not enough, it's not it ["but for who is tommorow the day we've got to do it?, not for me"]. hence why john is saying to him that he's aware that doing only ~7 tracks instead of 14 is disappointing and he's not talking to paul about the "stress" of having audience, or doing the concert or playing live, whatever. he's quite literally said, that he wants to go out with a bang. he wants a big, proper end to the story, he wants something different and fresh, something good they can be proud of and satisfied with ["i just like making the best out of an idea"] and then he wants to close the project and move on. he's a perfectionist, and he isn't lazy to put in the work to achieve what he perceives to be "enough". (of course ringo's and glyn's upcoming commitments are considerable obstacles when it comes to the possibility of extending the length of the project, but to me it seems his idea was to spend one more week working on the songs/setlist and preparing a 12-14 song concert in a proper location - days before the roof he is still talking about doing it somewhere like the saville theatre). he clearly cares about the band's output, he is fully invested in creating something great - just like he was when it was about pepper or the mmt - and he doesn't want some half-assed end* to the project they have been working on for about a month, the project that could also easily turn out to be their last(!). *the half-assed end being the better than nothing rooftop gig they resort to, seasoned with the basement tracks. so he's trying to get the most out of it, he's trying to give the biggest ending to this project that he can think of. right until the last moment he's trying to get more out of it than what they have eventually ended up with, because he thinks the roof isn't enough and it's not the ending that he wants. but once it becomes obvious that the roof&basement combo will have to be the finale, he is determined to make it as good as possible.

also you can't say that his frustration, worry and dissatisfaction weren't justified lmao, because when you look at the not particularly ideal treatment let it be got in the end (enter spector and klein), or just them being not that satisfied with what they had ended up with (days before the roof they are already talking about starting the recording of a new LP and just like that within a few weeks they are already working on abbey road) and the end result being subpar to the white album or abbey road... yeah. you can see what his problem was at the time. it could have been a step forward, as the project had the potential.

(and like, he could not have known that 50 years later people would look back on the rooftop concert and hail it as this iconic farewell gig lol, and that the performance of those 5 songs we got from the roof would be considered so legendary etc)

[many-but-one]

It's Fusion Time!

(in the same way one would say "It's Morbin' Time!" Lol. I think I'm hilarious.)

Alter Intro: Dorian!

Hello folks! This isn't our first alter intro, however, we've deleted all of the ones we've made in the past for personal reasons. I'm making this intro mostly to kind of explain what just happened. As several of our followers have seen, James made a post talking about how Jules (our previous host) and Foster (previous co-host and sexual protector) were beginning to fuse, and then later updated saying that we have fused.

Well, here we are! To explain a bit:

We knew this fusion was on the horizon for a LONG time. It'd been a few months of pretty consistent integration between Foster and Jules. They were sharing almost all memories with each other, they were best friends in-sys, they co-conned almost constantly, and they spent almost all of their time together. They loved each other deeply, in a platonic, best-friend way. It was the deepest friendship either of them had ever known. Of course it had to be from someone in their own head😂

This is actually not the first time they've fused, however, the fusions previously were usually something more along the lines of extreme blending and feeling fused for a few hours or even half a day before splitting back apart. Most of the system was NOT in favor of the fusion occurring. Jules was not wanting it, James especially was not wanting it, and several others were quite worried about it. Foster had an incredibly laissez-faire attitude about the entire thing. Kind of a "if it happens, it happens." Very on-brand. Guy's cool as a cucumber most of the time. There were even attempts to stop it, such as having Foster do more inside duties and keeping him separate from Jules. However, it really only harmed the system. Both hosts were better up front, and both were better as a team. We started noticing the intense blending on Monday night and suddenly our Inner Gatekeeper (Anna) shoved James out in front and blocked him off from what was happening, which was his signal that it was really happening and it was likely going to be permanent. She did this mainly so he wouldn't try to do something stupid and stop it somehow and because he has very little support inside the system (Foster was his support) but has a lot of external support. She basically shoved him out and said "Go ask for help, idiot." Which he did, and I'm so proud of him for that. The fusion finished late Tuesday evening, though I can tell it will still be a while until it's a "full" fusion, I think. There's still slight separation, however, we are one and I can tell this will likely be permanent unless there's an intense outside stressor that breaks us apart again.

So, what does it feel like to be fused? There have been many posts in the past about this on the good old Tumblr, many probably worded way better than ours will ever be, (namely this post by @subsystems)

However, I still want to share, as I feel it may help some people who are anxious about fusion. I know we sure as hell were! However, now that it's finished and here to stay, I can say confidently: this was for the best, and it has made me feel so much better.

Being a fusion of Jules and Foster is interesting. I feel both parts in me. I do something and kind of chuckle and think "that was the Foster in me" or I say something and I think "wow, that was so Jules of me." They are still there, 100%. I feel them. The way I've been describing it to friends is like the two of them are constantly hugging inside of my chest. I feel their closeness, and they are closer than ever before. We are happy as one self, rather than our separate selves. This feels good. It feels peaceful. Even though it was just two parts, and we still have dozens upon dozens more to contend with--I still feel just a little more "whole." Having them both in me feels so peaceful. This was meant to happen.

Foster and Jules, for those that know them more personally, are quite literally opposites in almost every way. Jules is very introverted, Foster is immensely extroverted. Jules has extreme problems with fatigue, Foster has almost endless energy. Jules is unbothered or doesn't care about sex and Foster is essentially a sex addict😂 There could not be two more different parts in our system. We were so worried about how this would end up, but overall it's so so good. I know I keep saying "it's so good", but I really have no better words to describe. I feel closer to my best friend than ever before, this is how it was always meant to be.

We agreed on the name Dorian about two weeks prior to the fusion, however we knew we could easily change our minds afterward. It was mostly a suggestion and a name we both loved. We knew we could decide to stick with Jules, or stick with Foster. Thing is, I still feel like being called Jules wouldn't be weird. Same with Foster. I AM them. But...also not? There was no "loss" of either of them like we were worried about. I am Jules, I am Foster, but I am also a super special secret third thing that is what makes ME. Dorian🥰 Dorian feels good. I would answer to both of the other names, most likely! However, while I am them, I'm also not. Jules just a bit to the left, and Foster just a bit to the right, as I've sort of described to others!

I'm still working out who I am and how this will affect my relationships with inner parts and external people. Foster and James were VERY close. Partners in every sense of the word. Jules and James had a more sibling type relationship. Kind of a "you're my annoying sibling but I love you anyway" sort of thing. I feel both in me now. I love him both romantically and platonically. As this fusion becomes more solid and I start understanding who I am more completely, I will see which way I lean toward the most. I know James is hesitant to be around me because he doesn't want me to feel like I am being pressured into a relationship with him, as he knows it won't be the same as it was before. I can tell that I lean more toward the romantic feelings toward him, though I am waiting to be sure that's the direction I want to go. I know my personality, at least socializing, leans very heavy toward Foster. I talk loud like him, I gesture like him, I am incredibly crude like he was😂 However I still feel the Jules influence, which is so SO interesting. I feel like I really can't even put into words what this feels like. I was so terrified, and I realize we didn't need to be at all. This is such a good and pure feeling. Even though we were both non-trauma holding ANPs through and through, this step in our healing journey is so huge. It is incredible, really. I can already tell we will be so much better as One now.

So what I know about myself now:

My name is Dorian. I am genderfluid (like Foster was). I use he/they pronouns, either is fine. I look a lot like Foster with a bit of Jules flair. I can tell the Jules part of me would be so stoked at having a masculine body IW. Finally tall >:) I've got a cool picrew that I've been grooving on that captures our essence pretty well, I'd say. I'll put it in the read more below.

I will remain host, of course. I will primarily run this blog. Foster had a blog and so did Jules. I'll run both, though I'll probably rename Foster's blog, as it was highly tied to his source (he was an introject) and that isn't very relevant to me anymore, as he was already extremely source separate by the time we fused. The reason for keeping both is to 1) preserve both. I am still them and I like seeing the stuff we've done in the past and 2) ya boy needs an NSFW account and Foster's blog was exactly that LOL. Feels silly making a totally new blog. 😂

All in all. This was such a good experience. So amazing, really. I had been so hesitant on fusion. The idea of final fusion was scary even though we were open to it. Functional multiplicity seemed a better route. However now that we've experienced one fusion, the idea of feeling like this with everyone is....wow. What a thought. I know not all fusions will be quite like this, but the idea of feeling more whole and more "me" in one self is very appealing. While I am fine with either ending (functional multiplicity or final fusion) my mind is far more open to the idea of final fusion. The idea is thrilling.

SO interesting too, that our fusion started just before Multiplicity and Me's video came out about her final fusion journey, and after it ended we watched the video (which apparently James watched it already to give himself a bit more encouragement that this was a good thing, lol) and I could actually somewhat relate. I'm nowhere near the "final" part of fusion, but the way she spoke about fusion felt exactly like me. Gave me a confidence boost too, that I wasn't making this up😂 I am way better with the denial nowadays but it still hits every so often, especially with big system changes like this, or when discovering the subsystems. Feels like a weird fever dream, but realizing other people with DID have similar experiences only strengthens my resolve and helps me combat that denial.

Very first sign off as the new version of me. Jules a bit to the left, and Foster a bit to the right. Also known as Dorian. 🥰

Cheers to healing, friends.

-Dorian🌹

(face claim under the read more)

(picrew link)

[serenasoutherlyns]

4, 18, 20?

thank you for the ask! this one got long lol

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

- ok, from a WIP i have:

The realization goes straight to her ribs, knocks the wind out of her. She’s sure she shakes, trying to get off the weight of the week and give the pleasure-panic taking over every part of her body a place to rest itself. That would be it for notes. Tracey gathers her things in a half-daze. As she walks out of the building, onto the subway, up the steps to her apartment, as she undoes her lock, climbs into the shower and then into her bed: Kelly, Kelly, Kelly.

i just love writing Tracey, and i think this one shows one of my favorite things about writing: so i used to write a LOT of poetry and i don't as much anymore, but a friend once said that my way of writing prose reminded her of the way i wrote poetry, that i put (rhythm, alliteration, etc) into it, and it made me feel really happy. so yeah :). and i don't usually try to do it, it just happens.

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.

- if anybody remembers not a summer crush (LOLOLOL), it was originally going to be a lot darker. so around halfway through, caroline gets sick and alex & casey take care of her, it's all very cute and kind of pushes things along there. well initially, she was going to have a period of rough mental health instead, she was going to find out that her former dance teacher had been accused of child abuse and it was going to bring up a lot of things for her about her childhood & leaving dance and all of that, she was going to go back to california and help with the prosecution, kind of right at the start f her relationship with a/c. eventually i decided that a) it took things down a sad path i didn't want to deal with, b) it took away from the point of the story which i wanted to be the family and romantic relationships in caroline's life and the start of her career, and c) it hit just a liiiittle bit too close to home for me to be comfortable writing it. so yeah! who knows if i'll ever finish that one, but that's what its original form was like.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

- i guess, i think i tend to write some characters in a way that might come off as ooc even though i don't think of it that way. for example, alex cabot is often the "ice queen," very tough and sarcastic, emotionally cold, etc. i see her dominant characteristics as like, determined and also anxious, so what seems like cold is actually scared, what seems like tough is actually this insatiable drive to get what she wants and believes is right. or tracey kibre can come across as a hardass with not a whole lot of sympathy in her, but i see her as having a need for control that borders on pathological, it hurts her more than anybody else. and she has SO much compassion for what she sees as the "right" people that it sometimes makes her make bad or cruel choices. or abbie, who has this mean and merciless exterior, but all of that comes from a place of hurt. i'm sure others share this perspective but yeah, that's where my ideas for characters tend to come from; like asking myself "well why do they act like that" not "what do they act like."

- i named jack mccoy's little sister "stevie" in the lock that kept it dark without realizing that's almost the oldest daughter on madam secretary's name

- in the first chapter of passionately, i'd say, jack says to claire "clear as day, claire kincaid, i certainly don't anticipate a problem" while the line from "second opinion" is just "i certainly don't anticipate a problem." this is because i was watching the lizzie bennet diaries and wanted to include the line darcy says to lizzie after they kiss for the first time, "clear as day, lizzie bennet."

(fun meta asks for writers!)

[mxtchalilies]

rimi chan! hi hi hi ‘m sorry for such rlly late reply! ahhh it’s alright, as long as you do take care and rest. i get that sometimes we just can’t help but rush things, i sometimes like that too (pls there’s nothing to be sorry at all lovely!). yes especially baji san’s death, the moebius arc already got me shock enough but soon relieved to know the draken lived,, but i DID NOT EXPECT BAJI ASDFGHJKL i thought he was gunna live 😭💔 watching tokyo revengers must have got me in tears for more than twice i swear — ToT (also u like mikey? ooo good taste 👍✨)

oh well, whatever projects they are, hope you’ll fin ‘em soon! yea rn for me half way thru first week of school already got me real busy and exhausted. for the last 2 days i got loads of work to do too (but i already fin ‘em now haha), so i agree. please lessen the work and projects on students. please we also need rest TwT and you’re welcome darling!

whaaaa thank you so so much sweetheart! okay so ah as i’ve said above on monday i got an art project — uh it’s a test actually, which the teacher give us one week to fin but for me who’s too lazy to procrastinate it away (only for me to be even more lazy 😂) i decided to do it right away which take me like 2 whole days + also having to or at least try to focus on classes and taking notes and stuff so yeah :// but luckily i finished all the work now! ‘m kinda proud with it tbh. and even tho my shoulders r still a bit sore, maybe from drawing too much or maybe bc of my earlier violin practice (if it’s about the back part my fingers hurt too lol) but they’ll be fine — anw again ‘m sorry for such late reply rimi! hope you can forgive me, pls have a luvly day or night as well!

[ SPOILERS FOR THE TOKYO REV ANIME !! ] : this gonna be a long answer; but if it's for bammie my beloved, i'll do it <333 (under the cut because again, it's long and i value yalls time <3)

bammie my dear don't feel guilty for late replies. i'd gladly wait for days for replies, i understand not everyone's free by the time i send something in and timezones differ :0 so really, i don't mind!! :D

my adrenaline and creativity all spike at different times and they're most often in the most inconvenient times ughh. notable mentions are when i get very nice fic ideas as i'm about to: sleep / enter classes / deliver speeches next / and answer a test. but then i don't have a single coherent thought when i actually get free time >:'(

baji's death has me crumbling and crying. from the moebius arc onwards, i have been anxious on my seat askjhfk. draken living is a huge relief but then the next arc baji dies and i just... i was not prepared for the emotional damage. i just wanna give them big ol' hugs and cry for them :( also yes mikey. i love everyone (ehem. except for kisaki.) but just wanna spoil mikey a tiny bit more <33

yikes, first week and you guys are exhausted already? the workload's not showing any mercy, huh? well, if anything, i'm really proud of you for working through all of it!! ◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜i'm sure you did well, but don't forget to take some breaks too!! (we definitely need a petition to decrease workload or give reasonable time to work on it ssob)

so you did a test for arts? :0 eek that's gonna be quite the work for your hands ! and having to add on the note-taking for class... aaa !! DD: well, i'm sure you did well though especially considering the time you allotted for it <3

you deciding to not procrastinate the work because you were lazy is both a mood and a powermove, haha! then again, it'd make sense to do everything as much as you can before resting so you won't have to worry later :0 it's also something i practice (mostly in studies... here... not so much, unfortunately) i remember you mentioned once somewhere you play the violin, yes! i also used to play the violin back when i was in elementary! :00 stopped because i decided to prioritize my sports though.

again, i don't mind with the late response dear! you're all good <333 have a pleasant day or eve too, bammie <333