#i'm 25 god damn years old and i am way too old for this shit

[foone]

Alright, listen up:

We need to stop with the anti-rooting attitude for brainpals, alright? You're just doing mnemonocorps job for them. Cut out the discourse about people with modded brainpals, for TF's sake.

(scifi worldbuilding by way of fictional Tumblr discourse under the cut)

There's tons of valid reasons for by people would hack their brainpals! Testing new memory/skills without paying for a dev kit, piracy of skills (and do not @ me with that "but you're stealing from the original skill creator!" bullshit. All the legit skills on the market now are from people who did work for hire by mnemonocorps, and THEY ALREADY WERE PAID. It's only mnemonocorps that is losing money!), home ptsd/cptsd/jptsd treatment, the list is endless.

And before you jump into the comments, YES I KNOW PEOPLE DO SEXUAL MEMORY PLAY. People do every kind of weird shit, name me a technology that no one has used for sex in some way? Hell, the first topless photo was taken within a week of the invention of the daguerreotype. But we need to be adults here, okay? These things can be simultaneously true:

1. People do memory play

2. No kids have memorypals

3. The vast major of memory play is NOT VP.

Mnemonocorps has done a lot of work to try to keep people from using brainpals for memory pal, with their artificial limits on how much you can block at once, but that's fundamentally an over reaction to the negative press from the whole VP scandal. The news loves a juicy story like "people are using a new technology for weird sex shit" because their readers/viewers are always interested in Weird Sex Shit, either because "ooh, sexy!" or "BAN THIS FILTH" reactions.

And like all big companies, the last thing mnemonocorps wants is a new law aimed specifically at regulating them! So they stuck a bunch more restrictions on brainpals so they could say they have taken steps to prevent VP.

Now, I need you to listen to me before I say this: I am NOT saying I condone VP, alright? I'm not going like "oh but no one is hurt, everyone is (technically) adults, it's basically roleplay"? This is not an excuse for VP, alright?

Memory play is not just VP, and it's deeply insulting to everyone who engages in memory play to conflate the two!

The reasons people would do memory play are many and varied, as are the things that people do with memory play. And I think people are extra quick to jump on the "memory play is bad" bandwagon not just because of the spectre of VP, but because it's all "eww, kinky sex things".

And yes, I'm not going to try to sugarcoat memory play, alright? There's a lot of weird stuff going on there, and it definitely isn't for everyone. But the thing y'all need to keep in mind is that it's between consensual adults and they (usually*) know what they're doing, okay?

It's safe and mind healthy and consensual. (yes I know these are the same arguments the veepers use to definite VP but I'm not talking about VP here, damn it!).

People can do CNC play with mblocks. People can do roleplay with temporary personality patches, either because they're too awkward/shy/whatever to have sex or because they (or their partners) want to do some vcheating. All these are perfectly safe if done correctly and don't hurt anyone. Especially not you, who aren't even involved in their memory play!

And I promise the slippery slope argument is bullshit: even if people use mblocks to age regress, that doesn't make it VP, alright? There's plenty of people (especially us elderly trans who missed out on a gender-correct early adulthood. (I wasn't able to get genespliced until I was nearly 60!). If I want to experience how my 25-year-old self would have had sex as a girl, that's my own god damn business! And it's not VP and it hurts no one. And all these non-vp uses of memory play are completely blocked by the stock brainpal software, because of their heavy handed approach to trying to prevent VP.

But with this whole stigma against hacking brainpals means that if I ever even mention I've got mine modded, people immediately start side-eying me because they think the only reason anyone would want to hack their brainpal is VP.

No! Piracy of skills and mblocks and yes, memory play. Which isn't entirely VP, even if it keeps getting tarred with that brush.

The piracy argument you'd think would be an easier one to make. I know half of you have all the PS6 ROMs downloaded onto your tangles. How are you gonna steal half the video games on the iarchive and then turn around and say it's wrong to download fluent-Japanese or woodworking to your brainpal? Come on.

Basically my whole point is that mnemonocorps has done a great job convincing the general public to associate illicit (by their rules) brainpal use with VP, and it's solely because they know the average person (rightly, I would add) thinks VP is abhorrent. They're using that disgust to turn the general opinion against the idea of brainpal modding.

And look, look me in my eye, do you really think mnemonocorps is doing this because they genuinely think VP is bad and want the public to help them stop it by shunning people who hack their brainpals? Or is it, just maybe, because they don't want to lose trillions of n$ on skill piracy? And they're just using VP as an excuse?

It's like, come on gals. No one ever went broke assuming companies are acting out of the most basic capitalistic greed, because THEY ALWAYS ARE.

And don't get me started on the people clitriding mnemonocorps for inventing the brainpal in the first place. Look, we all love the brainpal, yes, but it's not like you owe them endless loyalty over it, okay? They can and have done wrong in the past. Accept that you can love the work and hate the company trying to control it.

(it's like: is Thomas Chellae an abusive asshole who should not be out of crimrehab? Yes of course, no question. Is Shadowed Skies the best album of the last 30 years? Also yes! It can be both! Bad people can make good things)

Anyway: end of the day, stop bringing up VP every time anything involving brainpal modding comes up. Don't judge people for modding their brainpals.

(especially since half the problem people have with memory play isn't VP, it's just y'all being antisex. Which is bullshit given how many people subscribe to those "expert oral sex" skills! You're using your brainpal to have better sex, then turning around and going "but I'd never use it for WEIRD sex!". Grow TF the fuck up!)

Also, just because I know someone would bring it up, the whole mind control thing is A MYTH. There have never been any legitimate cases of people getting hacked through their brainpals, hacked or not, okay? I mean, who knows what the nsa or uhsa can do, but no one has ever been able to demonstrate a remote hack on a brainpal. Anyone being "mind controlled" through their brainpal did it to themselves, either with a ppatch or intentionally routing their admin to someone else. "you'll get hacked and turned into a bpZombie!" is a bullshit reason to be against brainpal hacking: it simply does not happen. I used to be a rengineer, I've looked into the brainpal security: it's well done!

* Yeah, Adrian Reach was a tragic case, but it was definitely a million-to-one case. Make your backups, run the ccheck, and don't try to mblock your whole damn life on a failing bp! You'll be fine.

EDIT: I forgot to elaborate on the "no kids have brainpals" thing: yes, I know there are some kids who do have them, BUT they're not the same as regular brainpal installs. They're only done in some extreme cases of mental distress (like survivors of the cWar) and they're locked down. Only their doctor can adjust them, it's not like regular consumer brainpals where you can just fiddle with the settings themselves. So all this memory play stuff we're talking about is only between adults. REAL adults, alright? Even when people are doing VP, everyone involved is of age.

[bonezone44]

WIP Saturday

Muddy Waters Edition ---

Ever wonder why Ezra talks the way he talks? Here's a little scene that I believe illustrates it best. In my opinion, Ezra is spiteful, contrary, and sadistic. But with a soft spot at his center. 🙏

Set in TLOU universe, you and Ezra are roughly 23-24 years old. Terry and Kenny, Ezra's cousins, are 25-26 years old. If you haven't read Muddy Waters, Ezra is from Louisiana.

+++++

“It says it right here.” Ezra read the line from the page, word for word. 

Terry huffed. “No way, cuz. Uncle Jimmy saw one with his own two eyes.” 

Ezra was taken aback. “Uncle Jimmy? Uncle Jimmy couldn't see for shit. He never wore his fuckin glasses.”

Terry leaned down with his hands on his hips. “He saw just fine. Don't you go talkin about Uncle Jimmy like that. He was a veteran.” 

"A vet–" Ezra scoffed and threw his hand up. "Uncle Jimmy never even went to Korea."

"Don't matter." Terry pointed at the ground. "He still laid down his life for our country." 

"He didn't lay down his life if he didn't die in the war." Ezra glared. "He lived! He didn't lay down for shit!"

"You know what I'm saying. Shit." Terry huffed. "God, Ezra." He shook his head. "That's your problem, man." He pointed his finger at Ezra, like a teacher disciplining a school child. "You don't know how to fuckin listen."

Ezra's brows went high into his forehead. "Oh that's my problem? That's what my problem is?" 

"Yeah," Terry held his palms up. "That's what it is." 

"My problem is I am constantly surrounded by people who are proud of their ignorance."

"Who?" Terry looked around the room in honest confusion. "Who are you talking about?"

"You, you fuckin imbecile!” Ezra pointed up at his cousin. “You refuse to acknowledge the information provided by reputable sources–" he raised the book in his hand. "--and instead cling with an almighty grip of impudent knuckles to the embellished fabrications of our forefathers as if they held any amount of factual testimony in their miniscule unwrinkled brains!"

"Unwrinkled--what?" Terry busted out laughing, slapping his knee. His face turning pink. "You just make shit up, don't you?"

Ezra’s eyes nearly popped out of his skull. "No! I don't! YOU DO! THATS WHAT I AM ATTEMPTING TO COMMUNICATE TO YOU, YOU IMPOTENT FUCK!"

Terry curled over, lost his breath, he was laughing so hard. "Impotent? What?" He stuttered. "You mean 'important'?" He turned to you as if you were in on the joke. 

"Oh my GOD!" Ezra cursed, his own face turning beet red.

"You learn that word in your little book?" Terry twiddled his finger at Ezra. "Bet you believed everything you read on the internet, too. We know she did." A wheezy laugh escaped his open maw. 

"Don't TALK TO ME ABOUT THE FUCKIN INTERNET, TERRY!" You screamed, banging your fists on your knees.

Terry jumped back as if you were trying to bang your fists on him. "Damn, girl!" He chuckled. "I was jus' messin' with ya." He wiped the happy little tears from his eyes. "Shit, y'all are a trip and a half. Hoo-ee!" He stepped past you both to look out the window. "What the?" He sighed. "Where the hell is Kenny goin now?" He groaned and picked up his rifle. "Y'all stay here a minute. I'm gon’ go see what he's doin."

++++++++++++

I love you guys for reading. It means a lot to me when people like and share my work. I work hard on this stuff and I'm proud of what comes out. :)

a/n: I'm working out the kinks of Chapter 5 for Muddy Waters! I'm still missing something important about the characters' development and as soon as that hits, I'll be able to write it up and get it out.

Shout Out to anyone else who grew up surrounded by people who mocked intelligence.

[bradleymarshall]

Tired

Look mate, Imma just be real, I never wanted to play games. We all have it hard in life.

I've done my part and helped you as much as I can. Done things all on your terms. But I know damn well that my help is definitely replaceable, and you're not doing a good job at telling me otherwise. Way to make a friend feel invisible.

But it really angered me when you seemed to imply that I am a priority just because you talk to me more than your father.

Dude, all we talk about is you. Every time I end up mentioning something about my life, it gets lost in the abyss of our conversations, to the point where I numerously have to bring up things so you actually remember things in my life. It's no wonder you bring up Elaine when we talk about this situation. You know damn well what you're doing.

You see, I always wondered how someone who is so perceptive needs a constant reminder of the stuff that's going on in my life. It then occurred to me that some people just conveniently forget the things they don't care enough to remember.

Sometimes it's no wonder why I resort to playing games, or constantly send longer paragraphs, or even in worst case scenario, make you doubt yourself or insult you, the way I have in the past. Those are the only ways to provoke a reaction out of you so the conversation becomes equal. Haven't you noticed how readily and quickly you reply when the conversation is like that?

It didn't make sense to me before why whilst i was being optimistic, you still were adamant there would be entropy in our friendship. I'm over you, I'm done and ready to make boundaries, but of course, this shit called a relationship is meant to be two-sided. But one person wasn't really considerate of the other. Like no shit you were gonna say that, the one who lights the fire is going to smell the smoke. The smoke of complacency.

Yeah man, that's the real deal here. It's not just the making time. I feel like nothing around you. Your compliments mean jack all. it's just empty words. I already know I'm deep, creative or whatever you have to say. Apart from when I've had really really serious situations happen to me, not once have I felt like i could say "oh yeah Mason is a true friend. He'd be there for me."

These bosses of yours, or selfish people and those who are hungry for power, money you name it. They don't give a shit about anyone except themselves. You call yourself more religious now, believing in god. Preach his words, learning to love thy neighbour and experiencing love in a community that is not something you intend to make money off, something that isn't involving just personal gain to you. Having a sense of unity. That's not something you're gonna automatically get once you've "made it".

Man, I just wanted to feel respected or seen. You make me feel the complete opposite. It's not just about having "time". I've told you how to compromise, how you should treat a friend. Things I didn't think I'd need to be teaching a 25 year old man. It sucks because there are moments where it almost feels like things are getting better, and you genuinely care. But then we're back it again at square and I feel dumbfounded because suddenly I'm being your therapist with no form of reciprocation.

i have my struggles too. I was really upset more than i thought about hearing L making it into med. I know from the bottom of my heart that he is not a good guy, and I wont curse him for making it in but I know so many people in that position. I also came out to the girl who I had a feeling liked me, which was stressful because I didn't know how to go about it, and she was a cool person. Turns out I was right, and she did have feelings for me. I hate that I'm right because I always know when a girl likes me and it makes me cringe. I bet you don't even remember, but I've mentioned this girl to you already. Among many other more important things I've pretty much been upset or really happy about but yet again, just gets lost in the abyss.

I'm really worried about money too as I only have 2000 in my savings and while I've given 20k to my brother and my parents I know both are not in positions to give that back to me and so I can't really afford to enjoy myself these days. We all have it hard in life Brad. Every single one of us.

I always lent an ear and been a helping hand and I really don't think I'm asking much of you. Man, I've even been willing to compromise for things most friends would not be we willing to do. Where's my end of the bargain?

I'm not sorry that you can't profit off me, or that I'm not some business investment, since those are the things you consider productive working towards. I'm worth a lot more than that, and I think a true friend would realise and not take advantage of me.

[terminallytwee]

so im blanking out this person's url/blog theme bcus they're either a minor or just on the cusp of 18, and in either case, I don't want them to feel attacked for this but.

rule of thumb, do not do this to artists:

I put out a call for requests on Friday afternoon or Saturday morning (frankly I don't remember which). This user, who is not following me, sent me a detailed request for a character I've never heard of. I found this weird, but I agreed bcus they gave me references. But, eh, as any of you who have requested work from me know, I am a grown ass adult with a wife, a full time job, several chronic illnesses, and a life of my own so sometimes it takes me a couple days to get requests done, if i decide to draw them at all. This has literally never been an issue bcus the understanding is that I am making you art for free so like, I'll take my time. however, this user started hassling me for a resolution. i went onto their blog, and it looks like they just search the "requests open" tag and bug artists for free content on the reg.

i have since blocked them because, frankly, i do not need that kind of stress on my 100%-for-fun art blog. idk what's going on in this person's life, so i don't want to assume that they were ill intended. in fact, i think they may just be an inexperienced kid with a very particular special interest that they're really passionate about. and that's okay! but it is often forgotten that artists are people, and not on demand content making machines.

to prevent this kind of behavior in the future, let me make it clear:

1. i will now only be accepting requests from people who are following me

2. this has always been true, but i reserve the right to deny any request given to me, EVEN IF i'm asking for requests. for any reason. like yeah, i might not draw you something that goes against my morals but also like, i'm also not drawing something i have 0 interest in. my days on this earth are limited.

3. i don't mind if you message me about the status of a request, but you have to respect my decisions. i work at a tech startup and have so many health issues, sometimes things are gonna come up. if i tell you no, you can either handle that with grace or i'm blocking you.

so yeah, i feel weird putting out rules like this, but i'm really uncomfortable with the prospect of getting pushed around. these are my boundaries, and i would appreciate it if my followers respected them. thanks. i will be adding these rules to my bio for future reference, because this is not the first time somebody pulled something like this and utterly skeeved me out.

[istansamwilsonbish]

FUCK. I'm triggered. I don't care. I am.

STOP. THIS. SHIT. Please.

I know most of these comments are in fact old. And I know that they are probably made by Teenaged girls who Stan Tom Holland. I don't expect a teen to be as mature as an adult. But god damn it still pisses me off.

Its pisses me off to see Comments like this on videos with Mackie and Tom. It is so fucking annoying to see people gun at Mackie for 'bullying' Tom as if these aren't two grown men who are FRIENDS.

Mackie treats Seb and Tom like a older sibling would treat their little brothers. If you have ever had friendships like that or siblings, you would be able to spot that off the bat. He is also clearly joking! Its in his body language and his tone. Thirdly, Tom has clapped back at Seb and Mackie more than once. In this same joking way. Lastly, Tom has openly said ITS A JOKE. Calm the FUCK down.

And to me, it makes it so much worst that when I see these comments, They ONLY call out Mackie! Sebastian has joined in on this playful banter too. And yes Seb is more chill with it(Because Seb is the introvert friend) but its doesn't take away the fact that he helps Mackie in these jokes. Yet the Tom Stans very rarely mention him from what I see.

Hmm.....okay. Sure.

In conclusion, Mackie ISN'T being serious. Mackie doesn't hate Tom for whatever dumb theory yall make up. Mackie and Tom are FRIENDS and Coworkers who play around. And yall need to stop overly defending a 25 year old man. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

EDIT:

I just noticed one comment about Mackie auditioning for Spiderman and got more upset. Cause like....I'm almost certain this was a kid or a troll. But I know there is at least ONE person who believes that in honest. So Imma be childish and correct that.

That is a lie. And impossible. For one, I believe Mackie is an AMAZING actor but I'm almost certain that Marvel was looking for a young white man to play this Spiderman. Mackie didn't fit that role. That aside though......

MACKIE WAS ALREADY SAM WILSON.

Mackie appeared in CA:WS as Sam Wilson in 2014. Tom didn't appear as Peter Parker until 2016 in Civil War. And.....MACKIE WAS IN THAT MOVIE. I don't see any way nor reason for him to Audition for Peter Parker.

[starry-skies-116]

Gregory Quotes (My AU!!)

1.) “Mother of mercy… Freddy, are you alright!? You look like someone banged you up real bad!”

2.) “My god, there are so many DISEASES in this singular vent…”

3.) Chica: "Freddy... he wants to see you after what happened between the two of you."

Gregory: [visibly afraid, diving under the blankets on the couch and quivering] “Oh, shit- I’m not here, I’m not here! Tell him I’m not here!”

4.) “Damn, I am good.”

5.) “Ah- verbal threat, threatening! I’m being threatened, weewoo, sirens alert, help!”

6.) “That still doesn’t answer my question, Mister Fazbear. Why do I sound like ten-year-old Optimus Prime on a gallon of helium?”

7.) “1 AM. 6 AM is a whole five hours away.”

8.) “No, I’m a hobbit- lady, of course I’m a child! Who else do you think I’d be!”

9.) “I like the dark- the stars shine the brightest in the night.”

10.) “Your desk is made of polished acacia wood with steel bordering painted gold, isn’t it? The coffee table nearby in the corner of the room, too.”

11.) “Life gets busy sometimes for adults. It’s not in my nature to be so judgemental.”

12.) “... I’ll neither confirm nor deny such claims. I don’t trust you enough. But you’re right about my skillset, I’ll say that.”

13.) “...Are those Ferrero Rocher chocolates? In that small wooden bowl on your desk, I mean. Right over… there. Can I have one? Chocolate candies soothe my fears more often than not.” 

14.) “...Is this some adult thing I’m too young to understand?”

15.) “...I want a happy life. Happy and perfect aren’t the same. I just want to be together with my friends and family again… I want to feel safe and loved again.”

16.) “My siblings were affected the most- and we went our separate ways afterwards. That’s what makes me the saddest… I was always a family person- perhaps I loved them wrong. Maybe I’m the reason everything fell apart.”

17.) "NO! No... no! Everything's not okay! I'm a gross, robotic, blue-blooded monster, I hurt you! I hurt someone I cared about and loved! I said horrible things to you, I scared you, I made you cry! Just- leave me alone, okay? I'm sorry!"

18.) “You’re walking on thin ice, Father. I already told you we were over- done. You’re dead to me, you’re just a memory, you hear me? I will NEVER forgive you for what you’ve done to me, and ESPECIALLY to my friends and family. You took my humanity and dignity as well. You’re not my father, my father died that day- you’re my enemy. You get it? You’re DEAD to me.”

19.) “T-They say… you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. Only now do I realize what they mean.”

20.) “Who’s the ‘they’ that always gives me earth-shattering advice, you ask? Well… the entire world, if I have to get specific. It’s not just words that shape my values- experiences are something people tend to remember more prominently, y’know?”

21.) “I’m no longer a memory. I exist- I am alive, reborn again."

22.) “Wait, seriously? Did you really think Father would buy you a Cadillac for your seventeenth birthday?”

23.) “It’s Thirium. The blue stuff is Thirium. I’m losing Thirium, someone hand me a refrigerated canister, please, por favor, hook a friend up?”

24.) “Ten minutes till shutdown, enabled by hardlock settings… yeah, I got time to say my last words, preferably in the form of a tragic Shakesperean monologue, don’t worry.”

25.) “Refer to me as an ‘it’ one more time. I dare you.”

26.) “You gave me my Thirium dose in a juice-box? I… very creative. And how especially considerate of you. Thank you.”

27.) “Excuse you! I’ll have you know that blue blood tastes delicious, and this is coming from someone who’s designed to artificially digest human food!”

28.) “Your negotiation posture is VERY questionable.”

29.) "Be very careful with my biocomponents and follow every instruction down to the last damn word, or there will be hell to pay- I am placing my damn life in your hands, so take care of it, alright?"

30.) “My plushie would always say that tommorow is another day, another life… I’ve had enough of tomorrow. I want to make tomorrow today- what matters is us, and what matters is the present moment- what matters is now. Let’s stop feeling sorry for ourselves and the past- let’s stop wishing for the future and hope for it instead, okay? Better yet… let’s work for it. Together.”

31.) “God be my witness- if this place shall be my living space from now on, I’ll never go hungry again.”

32.) “Haha, yes! Eat my street-rat shorts, you floridian tin-can!”

33.) Gregory: “Uh, yes, I know how to hotwire a car. Of course I do. I interface with technology all the time- I thought all children knew how to hijack a car? What, do they not teach that at school?"

Monty: [visibly exasperated and baffled] "Uh, no- of course they don't! That would be irresponsible, what kind of child-!"

Gregory: "Man, school is lamer than I thought it would be.”

34.) “Oh, what’s that? ‘Androids aren’t programmed to translate information to their receptors as pleasure or pain’? Uh-huh, tell that to my LED raving like a disco on my left temple and giving me a damn-near headache, will you?”

35.) “Fine. I won’t drive, for your sake. Oh, hey, I almost forgot! Shotgun!”

36.) “It says here that you’re cauc…asian. Well, they got that dead-wrong, because we both know you’re white and we were Brits in America.”

37.) “I swear, Michael, you lob one more wisecrack back at me and I just might lose it.”

38.) “Animatronic spaghetti blob monsters… why, oh why does it have to be a bloody animatronic spaghetti blob monster!”

39.) “Oh, so I’m the only one that actually BITES into the Kitkat instead of breaking it apart? Y’all are weird, I’ll be honest.”

40.) “The problem with a lifetime spent seeking knowledge, and a second lifetime spent programming random subroutines in your pastime, is that you know too much, and because of that, you’re bored. And deviants don’t handle boredom too well, y'know?”

[noelacciari]

alright this is kinda bad but I'm gonna ask anyway. so I'm a new/casual hockey fan and this girl I'm friends w is super into hockey and I'm kinda having to bluff my way through convos rn so could you give me a basic summary of the roster and stuff pls :)))

okay babe, so this is how we’re gonna set this up for you… personality quiz style. (also wait I’m assuming you mean Bruins so. im very sorry if this was about another team lol)

Step 1: pick your star

- Do you strive for perfection? Do you look for stability in a relationship? Can you appreciate a good beard? Do you need a perfect man to project all your feelings regarding men onto and then you never have to even look at another man in real life? Then Patrice Bergeron is the guy for you. He’s perfect. Like legit. Has been nominated for the Selke Award (best defensive forward) approximately a gazillion times, eventually they’re going to change it to The Bergy. Gorgeous play maker, dominate on the face-off circle. Quiet leader in the room. A pillar of the Boston community. The only person who can tame Marchand (we’ll get to him later). Every person in New England is AT LEAST 30% in love with him, regardless of sexual orientation. (I’m not even kidding). Future Hall of Famer. Without a doubt. (Forward (Center), #37, first line)

- Do you enjoy carbs? How about charming smiles? Do you enjoy men who toe the lines of fashion? Do you like a show, flashy lights and stunning tricks? Do you like people who make you smile, no matter how bad your day is? Then David Pastrnak is your man. Better know as Pasta (said with a deep Boston accent), he’s been tearing up the ice from the moment he arrived in TD Garden. A member of the Best Top Line in the League (alongside Bergeron - and that other guy who we will get to later). His goals are always absolutely nasty, just. Sexy, sexy hockey. Off the ice he’s sunshine personified, known for his chipped tooth smile, wearing checked suits and floral shirt, and just being generally the best. (Forward (winger), #88, first line)

- Are human sized chipmunks something you think would be pretty cool? How do you feel about Long Island? Would you think it’s funny if a guy who was a star player on a Boston team dated the daughter of a Pittsburgh coach? Do you think it’s even funnier if a guy who tweeted “I hate the Bruins” then proceeds to get drafted by them? Then Charlie McAvoy is your star d-man. At the ripe old age of 21, Long Island native Charlie McAvoy already carries a huge chunk of responsibility on the Bruins defense core. A future leader for the team (captain. imo), Charlie puts up incredible minutes, and is the perfect complement to his d-partner Zdeno Chara (we’ll get to him too). Also known as Cheeks (on tumblr) or Mac (by his teammates), Charlie isn’t afraid to throw his weight around on the ice, and he looks good doing it. Dude is a Bonafide Stallion. (Defense, #73, 1st Pair)

Step 2: Pick your Dad

- Are you vegetarian? How do you feel about EXTREMELY tall men wearing easter bunny onesies? Do you prefer to bike to work instead of taking the train? what about pigeons? If you consider pigeons friends, then Zdeno Chara is your new dad! (Boogie Woogie Woogie). You know how Bruins fans like to say - Don’t Poke The Bear? Well Big Zee is that hypothetical bear. Our beloved captain and father earned himself quite the reputation on the ice, known for his hard AF slap shots and even harder punches. Clocking in at 6′9″ and 250lbs, Zad is still a beast at 42 years old - and he apparently has no plans to retire. While his age doesn’t appear to be slowing him down on the ice, Zee has shown his softer side off the ice with his inspirational and extremely cute Instagram. He came into Boston in 2006 and was named Captain upon signing, and has forever changed the culture of the Boston Bruins. Chara facilitates an inclusive but hard working locker room, and his legacy will live on in Boston long after his retirement. (Defense, #33, first pair)

- Are you a dog person? Also are you American? Those are really the only 2 qualifications you need to chose David Backes as your dad. Although some of us older folks like me (at the stunningly old, reaching retirement age of 26) might consider Backes to be more of a daddy, the majority of Bruins tumblr view him as their Dad. Common nicknames include Dadkes and Papa, and his effect on the team after being brought back into the line-up during the playoffs has endeared him to fans. While his deal is… not great (he’s expensive!!) and he hasn’t performed up to how much money he’s paid, it’s clear that he’s a leader on the team. The young guys look up to him, and the older guys respect him, and that’s what we’s appreciates ‘bout him. Also. He LOVES animals. Backes and his wife Kelly (who have known each other since kindergarten how cute is that shit) have their own charity that helps animals!! (Forward (Winger/Center), #42, currently 2nd line)

- Were you really into magic as a kid (or currently)? Have you always gravitated to your one friend’s dad who was super quiet but super smart and taught you how to play chess at that cookout one time? Then your new dad is David Krejci! Sometimes called The Wizard, Krejci is known to make magic happen on the ice. Between no-look passes and somehow being able to know exactly where his wingers are going to be before they even know, tbh. Krej is probably the MOST underrated player on the Bruins, but he’s always dependable, and always seems to be there when you need him.  (Forward (Center), #46, 2nd Line)

Step 3: pick your weirdo

- Have you never eaten a vegetable willingly in your life? Do you consider yourself a chef - specifically for children? Do you think getting your teeth knocked out is fun and exciting? Then Jake “JD” DeBrusk is the dude for you! Goofy AF off the ice and a sniper on it, Jake is extremely worthy of being your chosen weirdo. He has a lucky winter hat named “tuukka” that he’s been wearing all playoffs, and he might only have one brain cell but we love him for it. At one point called a draft bust, Jake has been proving himself to be an elite player, and has been a steady winger for Krejci all season. Plus. He’s cute af. (Forward (winger), #74, 2nd Line)

- Is getting under other people’s skin one of your favorite activities? Do you like to piss people off by being better than them at everything? Does licking someone’s face in the middle of a hockey game seem like a Good Idea to you? Back in step number one did you chose Patrice Bergeron as your Lord and Savior? Then Boston’s favorite Pest - Brad Marchand - is the guy for you! Brad started off as an undersized fourth liner, and has worked his way up to one of the top scorers in the league. Outside of Boston he’s probably the most hated player in the NHL - earning himself a reputation for being a pest (at best), and sometimes being dirty (at worst). This year we are proud to announce that he did not get suspended once! Though he did come in just short of 100 Penalty Minutes. Marchy was our top scorer this year, and has become an integral part of this team. (Forward (winger), #63, 1st Line)

- Are you secretly an arsonist? Are frogs your favorite animal? Do you have a crush on that Pretty Jock that’s in all your classes and sometimes smiles at you in the lunch line? Then Danton Heinen is the weirdo for you. Danton has been a quietly steady performer for the Bruins this season, spending time on the top line with Bergeron and Marchand when Pasta was out. He’s growing into quite the play maker, and he’s known for making good decisions on the ice that lead to goals. Danton also happens to look like a frog, which is an important character trait imo. He’s a tumblr favorite, but he’s a good person to like even in real life, because he makes an impact on the ice. (Forward (winger), #43, 3rd Line)

Step 4: chose your conventionally attractive white boy

- OKay we’re not doing the questions thing because judging by your ask you may not even be interested in men so i’m just going to dive straight into the description. He’s tall with a strong jaw and perfect curls and pecs of a God. Charlie Coyle is a Weymouth, MA native who Boston brought back home at the trade deadline. He’s been a bit of a hero this playoff run, and he looks damn good doing it. The B’s have been searching for a good 3rd line center, and Charlie has filled the role perfectly. Personally, I am deeply in love with him, in case you could not tell. (Forward (center/winger), #13, 3rd Line)

- an integral member of the Bruin’s all important Line 1A (aka the 4th line), Sean Kuraly has got it all. Piercing blue eyes? Check. Perfectly highlighted hair? Check. Cute little chin? Double check. Though he’s been photographed wearing jorts and an open flannel shirt with nothing underneath it, Sean is still a certified Babe. He’s been Klutch in every playoff run he’s had with the B’s, and is the scoring force behind the 4th Line’s brawn. Not to mention, his signature celly is a leap from the ice! (Forward, (center/winger), #52, 4th Line)

- Brandon Carlo… how do I begin to explain Brandon Carlo? Brandon Carlo is flawless. He has two bible tattoos and a designer bulldog. I hear his hair is insured for $10,000. I hear he does Tri-City Americans commercials… in Washington. His favorite movie is Miracle. One time he met David Backes on a plane… and he told him he was pretty. One time he punched me in the face… it was awesome (’cause he missed). In all seriousness though, Monte is a hardworking, defensive defenseman, who has really shone this season. He doesn’t show up on the scoreboard often, but he makes it really hard for other teams to get goals. Even though he struggles to score empty netters... he’s still a babe. (Defense, #25, 2nd Pair)

Step 5: Chose your shorty

- If you’re thinking - wait, shouldn’t Marchand be in this category? Isn’t he the smallest guy in the World? Then Torey Krug is the Short King for you. An ELITE offensive defenseman, Torey is absolute dynamite on the ice. In game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals Torey made history by becoming the first Bruins player ever to record 4 points in a stanley cup finals game. Krug is quick on his feet and can snipe from the blue line, but isn’t afraid to lay down the law when he needs to. Notorious for loosing his helmet so he can show off that flow, Torey also has a bulldog named fenway and a BABY on the way. (Defense, #47, 2nd Pair).

- Is talk shit, get hit a favorite saying of yours? Can you appreciate biceps the size of your head? Then Noel Acciari is your man. He might be short but he’s built like a tank, and he uses that bod to plow through guys on the ice. Noeldozer is known for laying down the cleanest hits, and we love when he takes out the trash! The Rhode Island Native got married last summer, and has a golden retriever named Thor. His mouth is currently fucked right up but I promise he’s actually kinda pretty. (Forward (winger/center), #55, 4th Line)

- Are you one of the apparent hoards of people that think a Boston accent is sexy? Could you get into a guy who says the fuck word on live television? Are collarbone tattoos a thing you admire? Do you like sexy, tough little son’s of bitches? Great! Matt Grzelcyk is the little guy for you. A BU grad who’s become a cornerstone of the Bruins d-core, Grz is a tough little cutie who works hard and gets shit done. More of an offensive defenseman, Matty G has been there for the team even when all of our other defenseman were injured. His Dad has worked at the Gahden for like a million years, and playing for the B’s is a dream come true for Matt and his family. He got taken out in Game 2 of the Finals, and the Bruins are currently seeking revenge. Dude’s got a good beard going too. (Defense, #48, 3rd Pair)

Step 6: Pick your goalie

- As much as we love Jaro, there’s only one goalie you need to know about when you’re learning about the Bruins... 2 U’s 2 K’s 2 Points... Tuukka Rask! The clear MVP of the Playoffs this year, Tuukka has been a brick wall in the net for the B’s. He’s known for being quick tempered and a little... wild, at times, having been caught on camera beating the shit out of a bunch of milk crates and on time brandishing a skate blade at the refs like a knife. Though some fans seem to never forgive Tuukka for the B’s loosing the 2013 playoffs, around these parts we love and respect and rely on his prowess in the net. Off ice, he kinda looks like the grinch (and knows it), though apparently Bergy thinks he looks like Harry Styles (i wish i was kidding). He’s also got 2 adorable little girls! (GOALIE, starter)

So now you’ve got 6 guys that you know about, right? I would pick 1 or 2 of those to be the ones you pay attention to. Listen for headlines about their goals/play, if you’re watching games, look for their numbers on the ice. All you gotta do is be able to say “Wow did you see that Coyle goal on Saturday night?” and all of a sudden you sound like an expert! (This works even better of you choose a guy not from the first category). 

If you have more questions about specific players or lines, feel free to reach out! I know not a lot but I know many people who actually do know things lol

(Also to any of Bruins tumblr who made it this far, I KNOW i’m missing your faves okay. Wagner, Clifton, Nordy, MoJo, Moore, and half the providence roster deserve a spot on here. But I’ve already written too much)

(Also Also, special thanks to Lil for helping me with Monte’s description) 

[casperkahlo]

Don't fucking tell me I'm "too emotional." Don't fucking tell me to "dial down the pride." I'm fucking OVER it. I am so done with people telling me what to do, how I feel, who I am and what I'm doing wrong. I'm not living my life for anyone but ME. I'm not sure why my family is so obsessed with putting people in boxes. I hate confined spaces. I am 25 years old and at this point, everything I am is NOT a phase anymore. I am a lesbian whether you believe me or not. My coming out story is not linear and due to my own insecurities, I have tried to squash down the parts of me I don't want to be there for fear of getting hurt and/or ridiculed. I've been through the worst of it though. Ive been beaten, abused, made to feel insane, gaslighted, had trash thrown at me, threats to kill me, I've been raped and assaulted, I've slept on street benches and in cars and I've prostituted myself for money when I had no other way to get money. You think you know me? You think you understand me? Please. Try me. I am OVER it. There is literally NOTHING else anyone can take from me. I have reached my rock bottom. I have nothing left to lose. So go ahead and try to convince me I'm awful, I'm crazy, I'm too loud, too gay, too fat, too childish, too sexual, too blah blah fucking BLAH. Im done giving these people my time who think they can treat me like I am indosable. I am a caring person and I have been through my fair share of shit and I have survived it ALL. So to anyone who wants to make a comment and try to project their opinion on me, you better walk the opposite direction because I don't have time for it. It's sad that my family still can't be supportive of me being gay. I've tried everything. EVERYTHING. And I am tired of trying to be this person that I'm not. All I want to do is love people. Love girls. Love myself. Why is that such a crime? Why does that bring out so much hatred in others? Maybe more than anything, it's been me feeling ashamed all along. I just wanted to have what everyone else seemed to have. I wished and tried to push down the parts of me that we're different. But now I can see they are the parts of me that make me so god damn beautiful. I love my mom and dad but they have been so disrespectful and unsupportive of me when it comes to me being gay. Maybe the pain they inflicted on me was unintentional but it still has lasted a lifetime. All I want is to be loved. Becoming the person they wanted me to be didn't achieve that from them though. So why keep trying? Why keep trying to change? I have to accept that I'll never have the white picket fence life. I'll never have a husband and I'll never be able to have a baby the normal way. My life will be more difficult and I need to learn to accept that fact because there's no changing this. God, I desperately wish I could. I wish I could go back to the person I was before I went to California. But I can't. I'm too far gone. Too far removed. To moved on. I've grown so much. And I know what I want now. I know what I need. I don't want to change this anymore. Being gay has caused me so much pain and has put me through so much emotional turmoil but I accept it. I am it. I am gay. I won't apologize anymore. I will stop trying so hard to fit the mold of what everyone else wants me to be.

[multi-gurl]

Oh, my god. Being a kid SUCKED!! I hated being dragged around everywhere to places I did not want to go!! This was way before smartphones or tablets or anything (1980's and early 1990's). I remember me and my brother sitting together on a bench inside a store while my parents shopped and being BORED out of our damned minds. It felt like HOURS. There were so many other things I would've liked to be doing. Being dragged to the wallpaper store, dragged to look at carpets or flooring. My god. Such a waste of my time, so fucking boring. I hated school, but I had to go, you just had to!

I hated highschool too, but I had no choice.....just had to go! Being my teenage self again and having to be in highschool gym class would be my own personal hell. I've said that for just years, if hell exists that's what it would be for me!! It was mandatory for quite a few years before I no longer was forced to take it. I hated that SO much!! I loved being able to actually choose my other classes. I hated being forced to do anything, since Grade One. Ugh, so, so much.

Guess what happens when you're an adult?? You have choices! You can choose to waste your own time. You can choose your job, choose to look for another one, choose to quit. You can choose when/what time and what you eat, fuck you mushrooms!! You can do whatever you want!! Obviously try not to do things that are illegal, lol!

But yeah, I was depressed with suicidal ideation in my early twenties. From my late teens til like 25 or 26 were really horrible. But then it got better, and better, and better. Now I'm in my 30's, I'm married, I have a 3 year old, I've lived a lot of life now, lol. And my thirties are fantastic. I know myself and who I am far better than I ever did before. And fuck it, I'm in my thirties, I don't give a shit what people think of me. I can't control their feelings or their thoughts. I'm in a pretty good place. Your mileage may vary 🤷🏻‍♀️

adulthood gets such a bad rep and like yeah, a lot of adult things do suck (thanks, capitalism). but i do worry about what constant complaints about adulthood do to depressed kids and teens who feel trapped and sort of like adulthood is the only way out of their current situation.

so let me tell you, in case you haven't heard this ever, that in my experience, being an adult is 100x better than being a kid or teenager. being able to more or less control my living space and who i spend time with, being able to prioritize my health and wellbeing, being able to be who i truly am and pursue my interests and hobbies... all of that is worth the other dumb stuff, and none of it was possible when i was a minor. honestly, I've just gotten happier and happier the older I've gotten.

being an adult is GOOD. and it can be good for you too.