#i'll go listen to poison again because that's a banger

[beevean]

I don't watch Hazbin Hotel but I seem to understand that some who've watched it and NFCV hate Valentino with a passion yet simp for Lenore

Fancy that huh?

Ah, my dear friend, but it's obvious why :)

Can't exactly jerk off to a moth man, can you? (well, I suppose you can, but he's ehhhhh less conventionally attractive than a cute redhead woman)

But it's not only that:

When Valentino abuses Angel, it's a horrifying scene. There's no music. There's nothing that can distract you from the realism. The sexual undertones (Angel covering up with his vest, Valentino trailing his fingers up his chest) are subtle yet sickening. You feel Angel's fear and powerlessness (helps that the voice direction is perfect), and root for him because we know him and know he did nothing to deserve this and he only wants to protect Charlie despite his terror (look! A character motive!). Furthermore, we learn here that Valentino owns Angel's soul, in a contract that he signed apparently willingly, judging by the little heart: he blames himself, but the show never blames him for falling into Valentino's trap. Nor does it blame him when later on, in Poison, we see flashbacks of Angel dancing with Valentino with a smile even as he's getting slammed into the ground, and jumping into his arms: it's not a downplaying of the abuse going on, because the implication is that maybe in the past he loved him, but now he's trapped and hurting, because Valentino took advantage of the power imbalance. It makes it all the more satisfying when Angel tells him to fuck off.

I don't think I need to tell you that this is the complete opposite of the disgusting shit NFCV pulls with Lenore and Hector. The show blames him for being stupid. You cannot root for Hector because he has nothing to root for, he's a shell of a character with no strength and no motivations, and there's no reason for you to care about what happens to him. It glorifies Lenore for being so cunning and manipulative - sure she's evil, but she's "cool" about it. The sexual abuse is played for straight titillation, from her licking his face after she beat him into unconciousness to the "walkies" to the rape by deception. Later on, while Hector does help destroy Lenore's life, he does so without any malice or resentment in his heart: it wasn't revenge against her, because he loves her, after all. How couldn't he? She's actually nice deep down. Everything she did was for his own good :) he just needed to understand it (off-screen) :) and this is not portrayed as him being a broken man who cannot understand love due to a life that was nothing but abuse, no no no we are meant to find them cute and tragic. Hector's character development culminates not with him standing up to the people who broke him, but him peacefully letting his abuser die on her own terms, as if the issue was that he was selfish and needed to learn to let go.

It's as if HH justified Valentino by saying that well, Angel is a famous porn star thanks to him, and clearly he enjoys the sex and drugs, so what has he to complain about?

Oh but tell me more about how Poison is rape apologism because Angel signs a catchy pop song about his misery in Valentino's grasp. Tell me how his dance interplayed with his abuse is offensive representation of trauma. Where the fuck were all of you when Lenore literally brushed off her raping with "you were having fun" and Hector let her do that?

Go fuck yourselves. I'm not going to be polite about it. This double standard makes me actively angry.

[kimdokjas]

tag games! 💌

i'm so late and i'm 100% sure i missed several of these because tumblr only keeps notifications for the last ??? who knows how many months. so sorry for the delay! i promise i wasn't ignoring them i genuinely just forgot 😭

edit: i had this drafted since january 18 and i forgot to post it. again 💀 i'm leaving it exactly as it was as a capsule in time for myself though

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tagged by @orviposition @karura @misakarose @hansooyung @milaghoul - thank you for the tag mira, may, tay, roy, and mila! 💕💕 these were actually three separate tag games but since they were really similar i decided to combine them!

tag someone you want to know AND/OR some of your besties

favorite color: blue!

3 ships: yoohankim (orv), llojavi (tged), shiguang (sgdr)

first ship ever: merthur (? genuinely can't remember sorry my liege)

last song: IS - sue

currently listening to: dizzy bezerko album by unlike pluto (nothing but bangers it's insane)

last movie: children who chase lost voices (2011)

currently watching: sabikui bisco, a sign of affection, cherry magic, mr. villain's day off, solo leveling, 7th time loop, dungeon meshi

other stuff I watched this last year: my main obsessions were buddy daddies, trigun stampede, moriarty the patriot

shows I dropped this last year/didn't finish: i rarely drop shows but i had to pause to your eternity bc it was making me cry too hard lmaoo

currently reading: the greatest estate developer, sabikui bisco, lord of the mysteries, thriller trainee, and a bunch of manhwa/manhua

currently consuming: coffee (decaf bc caffeine is now poison to me)

currently craving: idk i think a cinnamon roll could fix me actually

currently working on: crocheting a snoopy-themed gift for my mom's bday!

current obsession: tged brainrot babeyyy

sweet/spicy/savory? savory!

relationship status: happily single amen

last thing I googled: ranjatai

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tagged by @aomitois thank you tem! 💞

Which feeling that has no name are you?

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tagged by @userfrieren thank you sm for tagging me jenna! 💖

alias/name: gaby

birthday: sep 3

zodiac: virgo

height: too tall

hobbies: reading novels, playing video games, making gifs

favourite colour: blue

favourite book: omniscient reader's viewpoint !!!!! it changed my life please read it i am on my knees

last song: 云与海 - 阿YueYue

last movie/show: the middle

recent read: i think the last thing i finished was mdzs (i say this when i haven't even managed to finish the extras lol)

inspiration: finding something that hits like orv is what keeps me going ngl

story behind url: idc if i have a kim dokja url i WILL beat the kdj kinnie allegations 💪

fun fact: i know at least the basics of 11 languages!

what’s the colour palette of your name?

(duplicated image for sizing) i actually love this! these are all colors that i would normally wear bc i'm a big fan of subdued shades with a slight touch of earth tones!

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tagged by @sugaaz and @hansooyung to do this picrew! thank you moon and roy 💕

~~

tagged by @koushuwu to do this picrew! tysm mica this was so cool! 💖

~~

tagged by @sawaisanna to post a wip - thank you malina! 💞

i don't have any edits in the works atm, but here's a wip from a fic i'll likely never post.

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top six reads of 2023

tagged by @tls123 - tysm francesca! 💖

global examination by 木苏里 *

devil venerable also wants to know by 青色羽翼

thriller trainee by 妄鸦 *

the book of disquiet by fernando pessoa

mist unlimited by 微风几许

camera lucida by roland barthes

(*) haven't finished these yet

first things first can i just point out how fucking funny it looks to list danmei and philosophical books together bc it's sending me 😭

i read relatively "few" books in 2023 but that's only because i spent the most time reading two monstrous books that unfortunately didn't make it to my top 6 :/ (iykyk)

it seems like 2023 was the year of narratives that break out of their confines, self-awareness, and deconstructing paradigms <3

~~

💫 preference 💫

tagged by @aomitois - tysm tem!

ancient or modern

bitter or sweet

chocolate or vanilla

coffee or tea

create or destroy

day or night

early bird or night owl

freckles or dimples

gold or silver

greek mythology or egyptian mythology

macarons or eclairs

hot or cold

thunder or lightning

typewritten or handwritten

secret garden or secret library

spicy or mild

dark magic or light magic

virtue or vice

ocean or desert

moon or stars

rough or smooth

mermaids or sirens

known or unknown

rain or snow

~~

tagging for any of these: (no pressure!) @icythot-bakubitch @ruanbaijie @feitanporter @itoshisae @dokjaism

@mudanonaito @himawaari @aroacehirano @mauxanhduong @apparently-artless

@72g @miyamiwu @focryst @justapieceintheirgames @smol-ackerman + anyone else who wants to join!

[genderqueer-miharu]

Remember that Harrow cover i reblogged a few days ago? Well i checked Kingsleigh channel to see if they had any other Milgram covers and, to my delight, not only did they have covers for every song in trial one but after listening to all of them i've come to the conclusion that they might just have the BEST Milgram covers i've heard. Not only do the lyrics flow SO SO well with the beat and rythm of the song but their choice of lyrics is absolutely AMAZING. The way they adapted all the songs fit so well with all the characters and their mentalities like they REALLY understand these characters these songs have fantastic lyrics. These ones in particular are my favorites:

Bring It On: I think because of the frantic nature of the song many covers are not able to make the lyrics flow that well with the song, but this one does that SO well. And again the lyrics they chose are absolute bangers and it fits with the tone of the original.

Throw Down: This one's great because the lyrics they chose REALLY made me question if they watched Triage while making it (they didn't this was uploaded last year) because seriously it's like they Knew. Like just look at these lyrics

"Ah tick tock tick tock tick tock you know, all my reasons stay but you don't. They'll keep holding on if stop"

""Throw down" the thread connecting you with me it's in your breath, the seconds while you're still living/"Throw down" the calling that i can't take back, for every lie i say, comes hope and can that be the same?"

(Thay "calling" line specifically really hits hard aftet Triage because of the cut phone line noises in the song)

"Hey, remember what it feels like? If what i want comes at a price, then i'll give through sacrifice"

And my personal favorite part

""Throw down" all ethics are a delusion. But my guilt is still the same when morning comes/"Throw down" emotions that are colorless. Should i be scared of death when i have nothing of me left?"

Just...ough. They're really really good

Half: I think because Kazui is such a hard character to grasp, a cover of his song in english that fits with his character can be really hard. But they did it they managed to make a cover that fits Kazui so well and it highlighted certain things from the original song that i never noticed. Such as these lyrics:

"And though one day your heart could change, i know it never will. So i will, to love you still. You ever heard a lie so sincere?"

"But if hiding this in every kiss is called unhappiness. Then i vow, I won't allow, A single word to ever reach you"

I love this one because it made realize oh he's not lamenting that a single word won't reach his wife he's making sure that's the case. Also the entire final bridge of the song is fantastic

"How did I think that we could always stay the same? We'd laugh hand in hand, making up dumb names And if I Could pick the coward's thing to I'd take the fiction over truth"

"What I gave up didn't matter anyhow So many years ago why's it coming back now? And if I Could pick the coward's thing to do I'd take the fiction over truth"

The fiction over truth, simply amazing. Also i love that in the description they jokingly called this song "Am i lamenting or am i resenting" like yeah that really sums up Kazui really well

Harrow: Ok so remember how i mentioned two days ago that i wanted Kotoko to get Undead Alice as her cover this trial? Well this cover was the main reason i came to that conlusion. It honestly gave a very different perspective on her character and it showed me a side of her i didn't even consider. It's because of this cover that i realized what many lyrics in the song actually meant, i'll compare them:

Cover

"Now that I'm prowling through the haze and Crawling through this maze I Can't go back to who i was

Feeling myself fading Burdens i've taken Weigh me down but drive my soul to go on

The evil out there I'm sickened to the core Pick a poison that i've done before"

Original

"Becoming light-headed again, it all becomes crazy

The normalcy sought for, Fading away, Everytime death comes The soul moves forward

I hate all the evils in this world, I feel like I’m about to break The surrounding net covered with poison"

Cover

"Now when a soul is too far gone you do what you got to Put it out of misery

"I'll never do it again" "I didn't mean to do it!" Even when I catch them I just can't win"

Original

"Shall we replace the poor soul, and the miserable delusion

“I didn’t mean to offend”, “I won’t do it again” How many wins in a row?"

Like comparing these lyrics i realized that "the normalcy sought for" and the "poor soul" Kotoko is talking about isn't refering to another person or the evils she's trying to get, they're refering to herself. She's lost herself and abandoned what the concept of justice meant for her in order to catch the people she's hunting, and the "pick a poison" line in the cover drives home the point of her using the bad things she's done before to complete her goal.

These lyrics really make the theme of her storyline being revenge even more clear. And the final bridge of the song as well

Cover

"When I was young HARROW HARROW Why can't I let it go? All of this weight, all of this hate If not for them what can hope for?

The moon is full HARROW HARROW I bare my fangs into a grin and I know how I can win"

Original

"Newly born “HARROW” “HARROW” It’s ok to dislike, right? Losing it, losing it, What should I hope for

Goodnight “HARROW” “HARROW” Laugh and I can get to like myself"

The lyrics here made me realize that throughout the song she expresses her doubts with what she's doing. She's using the things the people she deems as "evil" have done in her favor to get what she wants. She believes this is the only thing she can do but doesn't want to admit to herself that she's the same as those people if she uses the same methods they have, so she covers it under the excuse of this being "justice" and tells herself that this is for the better of everyone and that she's actually helping all those poor weak victims who can't protect themselves. She can't admit that she's doing this out of a sense of self-satisfaction and to make herself feel better, so she uses "justice", a concept that she considers corrupt and dead, and uses it in her favor, to disguise what she's doing as being the "right" thing to do, which is represented by the wolf's skin seen at the beggining of Harrow coming back to life once Kotoko looks at the audience.

Kinda similar to how Mahiru fogave Kotoko for what she did by thinking: "Kotoko was doing what she believed in and what she thought was right for her so if i admit that what she did was wrong it'll be like admitting that what i believe in and what i was doing was also wrong", Kotoko probably thinks: "If i admit that what i'm doing is for myself and my own satisfaction and not for justice and to protect other people then it'll be like admitting that i'm the same as those people who do evil". She's killed and buried any doubts she may have had with all her vigilante work because she doesn't want to deny herself, she won't allow to doubt herself anymore because if she does then everything she has dedicated a big part of her life will seem meaningless.

Which why i believe Undead Alice would fit her really well especially in this trial. Especially as a follow up to Anti Beat, which imo touched more on Kotoko's doubts and frustrations with what she was doing, and Undead Alice could showcase her slowly convincing herself more and more that she's in the right and that she shouldn't doubt so much.

"“Live by feeding on me, since you can’t die even if you want to” Everyone except us is crazy, even though your echo can be heard by everyone

Every time I ask for ideas to hurt myself, I breathe in happiness and breath out poison The ideal junkie, doesn’t it feel good that only the two of us are normal?"

She's using ideas and methods that she considers bad and corrupt under when other people use them but she's using them in her favor as well, and she can't admit that what she's doing is wrong, so these things are ok if she uses them against those who do evil. But even if she revives that dead wolf skin, it was still the same wolf to begin with.

"The disease that makes me want to hide wanting to see you, an overflow of a LOW mood because I can’t see you

They ended up becoming close, this is torture Starting to hate the butterflies, please die before I kill you"

"The instincts of being good, and the fat of being bad, They ended up becoming close, this is torture Superficial actions have become a habit, I’m dead before I kill myself"

These two lines could highlight her contradicting stances. Her need to deliver justice clashes with the methods she's using, so she kills all these doubts so that they don't weigh her down, which is also highlighted with the main bridge of the song

"It’s ok to live for yourself, It’s ok to cheat a little It’s ok to break it, it’s ok to be scared

Let’s bury this cowardly love here, Let’s stop and forget this

It’s easier to hate But it’s ok that you chain me down with your love"

It's ok if she uses underhanded methods to get what she wants, it's ok if she uses the same methods the people she's trying to hunt have used, she's doing it for a good cause after all right?

Right...but even with all of this and with how much i may dislike Kotoko, this next part of the song could especially highlight a part of her that she doesn't really show much

Undead Alice

"I thought we would be able to keep dreaming together, just like this But what did your smiling face look like again?

It’s an illusion to think that everything will go back to how it was after saying bye bye

This is pretty painful, slice open the chest and crush the heart"

Harrow (Kingsleigh cover)

"Now that I'm prowling through the haze and Crawling through this maze I Can't go back to who i was

Feeling myself fading Burdens i've taken Weigh me down but drive my soul to go on"

Harrow

"Becoming light-headed again, it all becomes crazy

The normalcy sought for, Fading away, Everytime death comes The soul moves forward"

She's dedicated so much of herself to this hunt and her justice that it seems she's lost herself. Thinking about this more i am reminded of the Clock Over Orquestra collab comics. Which i think is important because that's the only time we ever see Kotoko genuinely smiling. For once when she's not thinking about her ideas of justice or her plans for revenge she's having fun, she's doing something she likes: excersising, and she's genuinely having a good time, and it just makes me think that...maybe this the side of herself Kotoko lost. She's killed and buried all her doubts about what she was doing, and using them to fuel her hunt. Her "normalcy" has faded away the moment she decided to revive that wolf. Now she can't go back to who she was, even if she misses how she was, she's killed that part, she's buried that other her, she's done all of this for her goals, and if she doesn't achieve them then all the she's discarded, all the time, her morals, her regret, her self, all of that...would've been for nothing.

Anywayyyyys it's kinda weird how long this got but um. Yeah. Please go listen to Kingsleigh's covers