#i'll dress up as nando

[scrollonso]

while we're talking abt am boys and their hands/arms...

[nandosbunni]

our secret moments | 𝓯. 𝓪𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓼𝓸

pairing: fernando alonso x f!actress!reader, socmed!au

synopsis: you and fernando's rumored relationship isn't really a rumor at all.

a/n: nando needs more fics on this app. also, i just KNOW my pinterest feed will be filled with rich couple things and yachts bc i was so picky with the pics😭

yourusername

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yourusername i'll take any excuse to go back to monaco. thanks for having me, @/astonmartinf1 💞

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username omggg, i didn't know y/n was an f1 fan

username she's not tho? all of these celebs are just here bc f1's more popular now

username lmao what are you talking abt?💀 she's been a fan since forever

username proof?

username google is free

username i see nando in her likes👀

username duh??😭 she was literally invited by aston martin

username pls even her past posts were liked by him

username y'all are delulu af

astonmartinf1 we were so happy to have you in the paddock today

yourusername any chance i'll be back there again?☺️

astonmartinf1 of course, entire crew loved you🤗

fernandoalo_official

Liked by carlossainz55, francolapinto, yourusername and others

fernandoalo_official Love spending the summer break on the sea🌊⛵️

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username someone cooked and i'm 90% sure it isn't the pr team

username who then?

username they prolly think it's y/n but be fr

username the last pic🥵🔥

username forrealll

username man's supposed to be on break but he's already prepping for the next race😭

username omg is that y/n on the other jetski in the second pic???

username y'all need to stop being so crazy

username no wait, look at y/n's ig

yourusername

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yourusername two weeks of this before filming starts 🌊

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username BOTH FERNANDO AND Y/N HAVING SIMILAR POSTS AT THE SAME TIME OHMYGOD

username i'm officially joining the fernandoy/n train bc what the hell this can't be a coincidence

username and they've been consistently liking each other's posts too😭

username ugh that swimsuit looks sooo good on her i'm in love😍

username you're not the only one in love

username unless they actually confirm it, i'm not believing anything

yourcostar so gorgeous! can't wait to see you 🤩

yourusername liked this comment

yourusername can't wait to see you too, bbg!!

username i'm soo excited for the next season

yourprivateaccount

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yourprivateaccount just me, the sea, and my love ❤️

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carmenmmundt you look so lovely together🫶

yourprivateaccount liked this comment

yourprivateaccount we should def plan a couples trip one day, carm!

carmenmmundt yes please!

georgerussell63 wait what?

fernandoalo_official i see enough of george already

fernandoalo_official I can't wait to see you again, mi corazón ❤️

yourprivateaccount liked this comment

yourprivateaccount me too. i miss you already, nando ❤️

landonorris get a room

yourprivateaccount stfu or i'll make nando gift you coal for this year's secret santa

fernandoalo_official You give me reasons to love you more and more

landonorris it's actually hilarious how the internet is going crazy over whether or not you're together

yourprivateaccount we love being a menace to society🥰

oscarpiastri a fan came up to me the other day and actually asked me if you two are together or not

yourprivateaccount omg osc i'm so sorry😭

fernandoalo_official posted a story!

yourusername

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yourusername just lace sleeves and roses in the dressing room

Comments on this post have been restricted.

[sebscore]

heyy! Got a request! So all the drivers are in this fancy yacht in Monaco promoting F1/race. It's black tie event. Our fem! F1 driver comes in wearing gorgeous dress. And I just want everyone's reaction. I think it will be interesting since the fem! F1 driver usually is in F1 overalls/merch. Thank you!

MISS LITTLE BLACK DRESS

pairing: (most of the) f1 grid x reader (including some retired drivers)

warnings: mentions of the fia. a drunk nando at the end lol.

author's note: thank you so much for the request! this was genuinely so fun to write, i'm sorry that i didn't include the entire grid, but for some people i just genuinely didn't know how they would react or i didn't want the reactions to become repetitive. let me know what you thought of it! 💖

• • • • • • •

''Who's that?'' Lando asked Charles and Charlotte, his eyes not leaving the backside of the woman who had just entered the yacht. The question caught the attention of the other people seated on the long couch. George, Carmen, Alex, Lily, Pierre, Yuki, Carlos and Isa followed Lando's eyes.

It was quite hard to recognize her since her face wasn't visible as she talked to Toto, Mattia and Susie. ''Maybe someone from the FIA or something?'' George concluded, taking a wild guess.

''I love her dress, it's so cute.'' Lily whispered to Carmen, admiring the way it hugged the woman's body perfectly. ''I know, it's sexy, but also elegant in a way.''

''Lando, you should go up to her.'' Pierre encouraged him, taking in the way the Brit was eyeing her up and down.

Alex and Charles agreed. ''Yeah, make it a bit fun for us here! This event isn't gonna get any better than this.'' Alex said, the black-tie event was organized by the FIA and those guys weren't exactly known for their fun parties.

''You sure?'' Lando hesitated, the man was newly single and it had been a while since he had approached someone in that kind of a manner. The group cheered him on, wanting to see their friend take some action and move on from his previous relationship. ''What do I even say?''

The question was more directed at the women. ''Compliment her dress, Lando.'' Isa advised him, knowing she would appreciate it. He nodded at her words, repeating the words in his head.

''Yeah, okay- anything else?'' He asked them.

''Just let the conversation flow from there, it'll be okay.'' Carmen assured the younger guy, seeing how he started to get nervous.

Lando got up from his seat, breathing in and out. ''Here we go.'' He took a swig from his beer for some encouragement and made his way over while the rest of the group watched in anticipation.

''Hi, everyone.'' He greeted the team principals and Susie with a smile, before his eyes fell on the reason he was there. The smile was smacked from his face and was replaced by an expression of disbelief.

''Y/N?''

''Hey, Lando.'' She greeted him back, taking notice of his face that she had a hard time reading. ''What's up?''

The McLaren driver was stunned. The woman was Y/N, he had been checking out the woman he had known since the two of them were kids. In his defense, a long time had passed when he last saw her in anything that wasn't oversized or racing related.

''Nothing, just, uh, wanted to come and say hi,'' he managed to stutter out, ''the rest of us are sitting here, if you'd like to join us.'' He motioned towards the entire group that sat with open mouths as Y/N turned around. They quickly covered their surprise up and waved at her, sending her uneasy smiles.

The unaware driver smiled back at them. ''Yeah, I'll join you guys in a minute.'' She wrapped up the conversation with him, growing uncomfortable with Lando's unsubtle stare.

''Great, see you all later.''

Lando quickly bid them goodbye and was ready to crawl into a hole, feeling humiliated and confused all at the same time. He sat back down on his original spot, avoiding eye-contact with everyone.

''That's Y/N? You were gonna flirt with Y/N.'' Carlos stated in disbelief himself, that he hadn't recognized her before. ''That's crazy.''

''I've never seen her like that, she looks good!'' Charlotte was impressed the way the woman could pull off her duality like that, she looked completely different than she did when Charlotte ran into her on the paddock.

The rest of the girls agreed. ''I'm gonna ask her where she got that dress from, I need that in my closet.'' Lily couldn't stop thinking about the little black dress the woman was wearing.

Meanwhile, the boys watched Lando in amusement as he went through all the five stages of grief. ''Lando, man… I'm sorry, I guess.'' Pierre chuckled, covering his huge grin with his hand.

''Yeah, better luck next time.'' Alex said, trying to not burst out laughing at the situation.

Yuki just observed everyone in confusion, not understanding the big fuss they were making about this. ''Lando, you like Y/N?'' The Japanese man had to start paying more attention to the conversation instead of munching on all the appetizers that were spread out on the table in front of them.

''No, Yuki! I didn't know it was her.'' He exclaimed, getting defensive about the entire thing.

The Alpha Tauri driver simply nodded, not caring much either way.

''I think you guys would be cute, a childhood friends to lovers kinda thing.'' Lily teased, trying to make him feel better about it.

Well, she failed. ''No! She's like- Ugh, just no!'' Lando didn't even want to think about it, him and Y/N was just… no.

''You're getting weirdly defensive about this, Lando.'' Charles teasingly noted.

''And you DNF'd this weekend, we all have our problems.''

''Is that Y/N? Oh, look at her.'' The woman caught the eyes of Sebastian, Lewis, Jenson, Mark and Vallterri. She must have sensed their eyes on her as she turned around and made her way over to them, a big smile on her face.

They made some space so she could sit in-between Seb and Jenson. ''We were starting to wonder where you were, our party animal.'' Jenson teased her. The female driver was quite known for never passing the oppurtunity to celebrate something.

''I've been here for a while actually, but Rosberg caught me when I was ordering something at the bar and well- you know when Nico starts talking.'' She explained her absence, recalling the man going on about whatever Nico Rosberg goes on about.

The five men chuckled, knowing how the man could get. ''That Britney, never gets old.''

''I almost didn't recognize you without the usual racing suit.'' Lewis noted, he had to take several looks before being sure that it was in fact her.

Y/N glanced down at her dress. ''Yeah, I was actually gonna go to a club with my friends, but then my team told me this was kinda mandatory, so that sucked.''

''I think we all would rather be at a club right now.'' Mark said, sighing loudly. A party on a yacht was really hard to make boring, but the FIA had obviously done their best to just do that.

''I just came for the free alcohol.'' Vallterri spoke up for the first time, having everyone agree with him.

The conversation split up from there. Jenson and Mark teasing each other about things they had said on live air, and the former Mercedes teammates catching up with each other.

That left Y/N and Seb, the latter nudging her shoulder. ''You look really pretty, Y/N.'' She was touched by the genuineness in his voice. ''Thanks, Seb.''

''Hey, Y/N.'' She moved around and saw a pretty drunk Fernando approaching them. ''Your dress is a bop or whatever you call it.''

''No, Nando… that's not- oh whatever, thank you!''

[covenists]

✦ I LOVE SPRINGSTEEN, FADED BLUE JEANS, TENNESSEE WHISKEY, L. NORRIS

you know you'd always love him just like you love your whiskey and jeans.

₊˚⊹౨ৎ ⋆｡✦˚‎

yourusername

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yourusername back view? check.

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username WHERE'S THE RED HAT??

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yourusername

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yourusername betty and whiskey🥃👠

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fransisca.cgomes need that shirt like right now!

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username WHY IS SHE SOOOO MOTHERRR

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charles_leclerc when i'm literally RIGHT HERE

yourusername

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yourusername eyes to eyes.

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username he knows how to make me go feral

maxfewtrell okay now where's my photo credit?

yourusername ...i should put it on early

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⤷ landonorris both

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landonorris

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landonorris love you forever more 💕

👤: maxfewtrell, yourusername

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username they finally tagged max‼️‼️

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⤷ maxfewtrell quick reflex is my forte

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donatellaversace donatella VERSACE 💜

⤷ username idk how but why is donatella is on lando's page

⤷ gigihadid probably because of y/n tag🤷🏼‍♀️

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⤷ gigihadid that's normal

landonorris

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landonorris before/after

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landonorris no comment about the hat okay

⤷ pierregasly i just want to do it

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⤷ landonorris what about no

yourusername he found it

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⤷ landonorris lie

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yourusername added to their story!

caption: 🧡🧡🧡

carlossainz55 replied to your story!

: since when did he dressed up like that

yourusername

: since he decided it's too hot to leave his trousers at home

carlossainz55

: 🤦🏻🤦🏻🤦🏻

lando.jpg

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, and 299,740 others

lando.jpg night's out

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username THE HAND PLACEMENT??????🥴😵‍💫🫨

username night's out under the guise of jeans label

⤷ username i know it's a trap

username the way i spit my morning tea as soon as i swiped right

username damn his hands are big enough to fit the both of her arse cheeks

username alternative caption: lando in the urge to make out but realized max is already captured the whole thing

⤷ maxfewtrell imagine of how i feel during that time😔😔

username DARK SHIRT LANDO?????

username oh that hand could choke me and i'll thank him

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yourusername

liked by maxfewtrell, landonorris, and 281,776 others

yourusername i do rubber ring here

view all 7,193 comments...

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lando.jpg

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lando.jpg weekend

👤: charles_leclerc, yourusername

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charles_leclerc real glad i'm tagged

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⤷ lando.jpg imagine

⤷ daniel3.jpg imagine

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yourusername added to their story!

landonorris added to their story!

[w2soneshots]

Photoshoot -W2S

words: 0.7k+

warnings: none.

summary: you meet a cute boy during a photo shoot.

Today I have a photo shoot with On Cloud for their new women's collection. I got up, took an everything shower, dried and straightened my hair, did my skincare, got dressed and threw on my converse. Once I was fully ready I grabbed my bag and left my apartment.

"It's in a warehouse so there will be other people shooting for there own brands." my manager said over the phone as I drove to the location. "That's fine, do you know what I'll be wearing?" I asked her. "All I know is that you will be wearing the trainers." she said. "ok. Im here now so I'll call you when I'm done." I said pulling into a parking spot. "good luck, bye." she said declining the call.

I got out of my car, locked it and headed into the warehouse. "You must be y/n!" a lady said walking up to me, I nodded. "Im Rose, I'll be directing the today's shoot." she said bringing me over to the dressing rooms at the back of the building. I headed straight into makeup and hair. They didn't do much to my hair, just gave it more volume and for makeup they did it very natural.

Once hair and makeup was done they handed me a black body suit and some white socks. I put them on and they applied this oil thing to my legs to make them sort of shiny. "Perfect, ready to go!" she said ushering me out of the dressing room and back into the main area of the warehouse. "Im just going to grab the shoes. go ahead and meet the camera team." she said pointing to the collection of cameras and lights surrounding a big white backdrop.

I looked around quickly before I started walking, there are 2 other shoots happening, one next to mine, the other opposite. I began walking (on my tip toes, since I'm just in socks) quickly towards the set. Once I got there I said hello to all of the crew. Rose came back with the shoes. "here we go." she said handing them to me. I put them on, then turned my head toward the shoot happening next to me. I caught eye contact with a tall man with dirty blonde hair wearing a hoodie. He's also sat next to a small ginger man wearing the same hoodie just in a different colour. I smiled slightly at him and turned my head back to Rose.

"Perfect, stay right here!" Shaun (the main camera man) said, referring to the pose I was currently in. "That's a wrap, great job everyone." Rose said loudly. "Can I see the photos?" I asked Rose. "definitely." she said waving over Shaun. "These are the ones we will be using."

"Woah." I said staring at the pictures. "you look great babe" Rose said smiling. "now, do you want to go back to the dressing rooms to get changed?" I nodded and made my way back to the dressing rooms not before Rose took the shoes off me. I got back into the clothes I was wearing earlier, said thank you and goodbye to Rose and everyone else on set before leaving.

Harry pov:

"Go on bog, she's leaving, quick!" Ethan said pushing me towards her car. I took a deep breath and made my way over to her. I tapped her on the shoulder. She quickly turned around and her face lit up. "hi" she said. "hey I was just wondering if, uh-" I said stuttering. "If I was single?" She said kindly. "uh, yea." I said slightly embarrassed. "well I am." she said. "Ok, I uh was wondering If you're maybe free on Friday?" I asked. "I think so." she said pulling out her phone. she silently scrolled for a second before saying "yes, Im free!" "do you like Nando's?" I asked. "It's one of my favourite restaurants." she said. "thank god" I thought. "great, dinner?" I asked hopefully. "send me the time." she said handing me her phone. I typed my number into her phone. we said goodbye and she hopped in her car.

"Soo?" Ethan said as I walked back over to him. "we're going to dinner on Friday!" I said slightly excitedly, Ethan jumped "Yes bog!" He said patting me on the back.

[toomuchracket]

thinking about office! nerd matty offering girlie a sweetie little massage after a long day then getting worked up over her little sounds and praises about how good his hands feel😌😌😌😌

very early into the relationship vibes i think. like he can see you flagging mid-afternoon in the office, so he brings you a diet coke and kisses your head like "let me make you dinner tonight, yeah? you're exhausted, sweetheart", and you were meant to be going for a nandos and then the cinema (don't @ me btw this is a lovely plan for an evening) together anyway so you agree to let him come over and take care of you after work instead. and like even just from him ushering you between the car and the door to your flat, matty can feel the tension in your back, so once you're in and you've greeted maggie and let her run around in the garden for a bit and do her business, he's like "baby. d'you want me to give you a massage?", and actually even the thought of that sends you into total bliss so you agree immediately. so he gets the fancy body lotion you've been obsessed with since one of your friends in the beauty section at work gave you a sample to try, and he's very respectful when he undoes your bra, bless him (even though he always goes a little bit insane when he gets to do it), and he's so careful about making sure you're comfy lying on the bed with him straddling the backs of your thighs (he can't think too long about that or he WILL get hard) before he starts massaging your back; he's actually really good at it, working the knots out with ease, so good that you can't help the little sighs and happy moans and "i love your hands, matty, so fucking good with them"s that leave your lips. naturally, because he's him and he fancies you SO much, matty does get a lil bit turned on - he starts to apologise, but you're blissed out like "mmmmm no i like it. can fuck me like this if you want, baby, m'turned on too", and when he checks (for science, of course) and sees a little wet spot on your silk panties he's like Yeah actually i do want to fuck right now lol. it's maybe the most intimate sex you've had so far, actually, slow and steamy and so fucking good, you looking round and beaming at him while he's as deep as he can be inside you; that's what makes him fall apart, actually, how happy you are to be fucking him. once it's over, he kisses the back of your neck so tenderly like "thank you, my darling. felt so good", and you have a sweet little kiss once he pulls out (albeit delayed by him watching his cum drip out of you) and cleans you up, before he whispers "rest for a bit, sweetheart, i'll wake you up when dinner's ready" - he does just that, dressing you in the big hoodie he left at your flat last time he stayed over before leading you to the kitchen for some fajitas and a subsequent movie/cuddling session (with maggie ofc) on the sofa. dreamy, really <3

[whatyourfathersays]

goodbye → brad simpson

"I think we should break up."

The six words felt like daggers in your heart as you stare at your boyfriend of three years. It wasn't a surprise to you, not really; you'd been expecting it. Nonetheless, it still hurt a lot for it to become a reality that you're losing one of the most important people in your life.

The first sign that you'd noticed Brad Simpson was falling out of love with you was when he had planned a trip to Harry Potter World in London as a fun surprise for everyone who had worked on the new EP with them. It was celebratory, a way to finally relax after months of hard work since the EP finally came out the day after.

There were loads of you, Brad and the boys, their manager, photographer, producers. But someone who stuck out to you was a girl with long dark hair, red lips and a kind smile.

"Some people are coming over for us to take them there," Brad says as he grabs his car keys from the kitchen side. "Couldn't get their own ride there so I offered."

"Okay," you smile, pushing yourself off of the kitchen counter you were leaning against before kissing his cheek three times like you always do. It was a tradition, one that neither of you ever broke.

Until today, when Brad grabbed his phone and walked off without returning the three kisses.

You tried not to be upset by it and sighed, turning to grab your drink from the side before walking into your bedroom and beginning to get ready for the day ahead.

Brad was sat on his sofa the entire time, messaging the group chat he'd made for the day. He forgot to add you, so the inside jokes would fly over your head later that day when they all met up for the trip.

Brad huffs as he looks at the time on his phone before standing up, walking to the room you both shared and standing at the doorway with his arms folded.

"You almost done, Y/N?"

"Yeah, just finishing up my makeup," You smile back. "Wanna sit down and talk for a bit?"

"No, I'll be okay. Gonna go grab some food," Brad decides despite not being hungry. You frown as he walks away, digging for his phone that he left in his pocket.

You tried not to be affected by the distance he'd created with you already today, even though it was barely reaching ten in the morning.

Finishing off your makeup, you go down to the lounge where Tristan and a girl with long dark hair sat with Brad, all laughing.

You smile at Tristan who notices you first, causing Brad to look over his shoulder at you as he sat next to the girl, his wide smile slowly falling as he looks over at you.

"Ready to go?" Brad asks you and you nod, grabbing your handbag as Brad grabs his car keys again, everyone getting on their shows and coat.

The girl with dark hair saunters over to you and smiles kindly. "Don't think we've ever met, but Brad's told me a lot about you. Just thought I'd introduce myself; I'm Bella."

"Hi," you smile politely back. "I'm Y/N."

The girl didn't seem awful, in fact she was quite nice as she complimented your outfit and make up and you couldn't fault the fact that the boys worked with her as she had probably had undeniable talent with production and songwriting.

"Let's go, ladies!" Tristan cheers, slinging his arm over Brad's shoulder. You quickly put your coat on and follow everyone else out of your house, waiting for Brad to lock the door before walking to the car with him.

He seemed distance physically from you, a meter between you both as you reach the Ranger Rover that he'd saved up and bought.

You grab the door handle to the front passenger seat, pausing when you see Bella say in the front seat.

Brad notices, too, looking at you over the car roof. "Just get in the back, Y/N."

"But I always sit in the front," you pout.

It's true, you always have sat in the front. No matter who you were with, Brad would always make sure his girl was at the front with him where he could put his hand on her knee. If it meant getting Connor (he usually forgot the unspoken rule) to move into the back seats, then Brad would refuse to leave until his friend moved away so you could sit next to him. He was always one hundred percent adamant that you sat next to him, always.

"Don't be mardy; get in the back."

Tristan noticed how odd Brad was acting towards you and rolls his window down, offering you a smile.

"Come on, Y/N, join me," he grins and you nod, a sad smile on your face as you got into the car, sat behind Brad.

The ride was awkward, to say the least. Tristan tried to make you feel comfortable but Brad spent the entire time making jokes with Bella that you didn't understand.

"Remember on the group chat when Connor accidentally sent his ballsack to us?" Bella laughs, causing you to frown and turn to Tristan.

"There's a groupchat?"

"Yeah, Brad made it," Tris replies, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "Did he not add you?"

"No, he didn't."

You look off out at the landscape, hoping it was just a mistake but everything was piling on. From not returning the three kisses, not wanting to sit with you while you got ready, not letting you sit where you usually do in the car, and now a group chat without you in it? It was starting to make you a little suspicious that something was going on with Brad.

Once you arrive, your excited mood had already been dampened as Brad got out and dug his hands in his pockets, sauntering off to find the rest of the crew that were coming.

Bella and Tristan struggled to keep up with Brad themselves, and it didn't help that you were too sad to walk at a normal pace so you simply just walk slowly.

When you join the entire group, everyone was there. Connor, James, their girlfriends, Joe and Laura, Dean who was filming Brad who was talking, Tristan and Bella talking to each other, some producers you'd never met. All in all, you felt very excluded by no fault of your own as they spoke about topics that were discussed in the group chat that you weren't added to.

You begin the tour around Harry Potter World, trying to stay close to the group but Brad ended up walking ahead with Bella and Tristan. Joe noticed you looked upset and offered to walk with you, which was great because you got along well with his wife, Laura.

Once the tour had finished and you'd bought some goods, everyone made their way outside. While most people left, the main four boys, Bella, Joe and Laura, Dean and yourself all stayed to go and get some food at some local shops.

"Brad," You call out his name and he looks over his shoulder. He doesn't offer you a smile, his eyebrows furrow.

"What's up?"

"Just thought I'd walk with you because I haven't seen you much since we left," you smile, hoping that he was in a bit of a better mood now. You assumed he was stressed about today since he'd planned it and wanted it to go perfect so, for now, you let him off for upsetting you.

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that."

"It's fine; where do you wanna eat?" You try to engage conversation with your boyfriend. "Nando's? Frankie and Bennies? Wagamamas?"

"Don't know."

Ignoring his bluntness, you nod slowly and let out a small sigh.

It was a week later of Brad doing interviews and life shows before tour started and to celebrate, Dean had released a video diary of the trip to Harry Potter World to the fans.

You watched it while you were in bed and Brad was showering. You noticed how sad you looked in the background without even realising it, and the fans had picked up on it too.

Have Brad and Y/N broken up? I didn't see them talking once.

Bella and Brad would be such a cute couple wtf.

Y/N never deserved Brad anyway.

You shut your laptop lid as Brad walked into the room, fully dressed as he climbs into the bed.

He rolls over, his back facing you as you put your laptop on the side, flicking off your lamp so that darkness surrounded you.

"Brad," You whispered through the darkness as your throat constricted with conflicted emotions.

He glances over his shoulder at you. "What?"

"Can we talk?"

"About?"

"Us," you reply and that catches his attention, causing him to turn over. "I think we should break up."

The six words felt like daggers in your heart as you stare at your boyfriend of three years. Never in a million years would you think you'd be laying there breaking up with him, after everything you've been through.

"Okay."

But that single word hurt more, like it was a twist to the heart, making your skin crawl with unwanted emotions.

"That's it?" You reply, surprised.

"If that's what you want, then yes."

You didn't expect for him to not at least try and fight for your relationship. You expected him to want to talk about it, convince you to give him a second chance; not just. . . let you go. That hurt the most.

"Yeah, that's what I want," you say just above a whisper, your voice cracking as silent tears escape your eyes. You didn't realise it'd be this easy for him to let you go.

[leewaitingforler95-blog]

He finds out you're ticklish. (1D Members)

Harry: 

You and Harry were sitting on a picnic blanket and eating your favorite food one day at the park.  Harry reaches over to grab some food for himself and accidently scratches your side in the process. You let out a stifled giggle hoping Harry didn't notice. But unfortunatley for you, he did. "What was that (Y/N)?" asked Harry with a smirk. "Nothing!!" you said desperatley hoping to deter Harry's attention to your suprising reaction. Harry reaches over and wraps his arms around your waist with his head on your shoulder. "Oh, really?" "Then you wouldn't mind if I did this then?" said Harry as he started to squeeze your sides and tummy and waist line. "Eihehehehhehehehehehehe!!" "Stahahahap ihit Hahahaharry!" you giggled. Harry smiles playfully. "I don't think that was nothing (Y/N)!" said Harry as he continued to squeeze your sides playfully. This was going to be a fun day!

Louis:

It was an extremley hot summers morning and you were trying to read a book quietly on a deck chair outside the flat you and Louis shared. Unfortunatley though, Louis was being annoying and was pestering you on and on for some attention. "(Y/N)!!" "ENTERTAIN MEEEE!!!!! I'M BOOORRREEEDDD!!!!" Louis yelled down your ear repeatedley. But you didn't answer, you were desperate to finish your book as it had to be back to the library tommorow. "AHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Louis screamed in fustration. "It's sooo HOT!! And, i'm sooo booorrreeeddd!!!!!!!! Come swimming with me (Y/N)!!!" he moaned but you just ignored him yet again. "Fine! If you won't talk to me then i'll have to make you talk!" Louis sat down on your extended legs from you putting your legs up to relax, and faced your feet which were bare. He started to tickle your feet and you squirmed like a fish underneath him. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! STAHAHAP IHIHIHIT LOU I'M AHAHA THAHALKING NOHOHOW!!! STAHAHAHAHAP!!!" you squealed as Louis tickled your worst spot. "YES!!!" Louis shouted as he finally got your attention. "Now please come swimming with me or that will happen again but worse!" he pestered. "Uggghhhhh.... fine!" you moaned. Louis knew this would be good for future reference.

Niall:

You and Niall had just finished eating Nandos and you were both sitting on the sofa watching Nemo as it was your favorite Disney film. You were cuddling into Niall's side and you lay your head on his shoulder when suddenly, you shivered against Niall's body. "You cold love?" he asked concerned. You nodded curtly enough for Niall to see it. Niall grabbed a nearby blanket and started to tuck it around your delicate body but when he got by your sides and tummy he felt you squirm a little.        "Uhhh.. you okay (Y/N)?" he asked. "Umm.. y-yeah, just o-one thing though b-babe.... c-c-could you be m-more careful w-where your laying your h-h-hands h-hun?" you said quietly knowing soon that he would find out your deadly weakness. Niall looked down to where his hands were tucking the blanket into your body and smiled. "Awwwwww!" "Your ticklish honey!!!" he cooed as he started to poke you on your tummy and sides repeatedly while you squirmed beside him. "Nahahahahahahaha plehehehahsee quihihit ihihihit!!" you laughed. "Okay fine, just one more thing (Y/N)..... A RASBERRY!!" Niall said enthusiastically as he pushed you down and pulled your upperbody into his lap. "Nonononononononononono!!" "Niall baby, please don-AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" "NOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!" you screeched as he finished his dirty work on your now saliva covered tummy. Niall smiled evilly at you knowing that he now knew how to get you to do stuff for him. "Ugghhh... you are so gonna get it!"

Zayn:

You had somehow convinced Zayn to play hide and seek with you in the dark. "Come on (Y/N)!! Your not being fair!!" Zayn was secretley nervous you were gonna jump out, scare him and make him jump out of his skin again like the last time you played this game with him. Zayn could hear your muffled giggles from some where in the room but he just couldn't put his finger on it. When suddenly, he heard the creaking noise of a closet door opening and Zayn finally knew where you were hiding but pretended like he never heard it. You crawled back into your secret hiding spot thinking Zayn didn't know where you were. "He'll never find me here, he's terrible at hide and seek in the dark and he gives up all the time! Hehe!" you thought in your head. "Okay (Y/N)!!" "I give up, you win again babes!!" shouted Zayn as he hid down the side of the closet you were currently hiding in. "Okay!!" you shouted from the closet as you jumped out expecting to see Zayn but not finding him anywhere. Just as you were about to go and find your handsome boyfriend, Zayn pounced out of his hiding spot and sat on top of your body. "Hey babes!!!" Zayn said. "WHAT ON EARTH WAS THAT FOR ZAYNIE BUTT??!!" you screeched at him. "Hey, no shouting in my flat!!" "And i've decided that instead of you having all the fun, that I should have some fun for a change! Said Zayn with some emphasis on the 'I'. Zayn had always expected you were ticklish so he decided to test out his theory. "EEEEEIIIKKK!!!" "WHAHAHAHAT AHARE YOUHUHU DOING??" you asked him nervously. "Tickling you duuhhh!" "AHAHAHAHA!!" "WHEHEHELL STOHOHOHOP IHIHIT!!!!" you laughed. Now this was definatley going to come in handy!!

Liam:

Liam had just come off an interview with the press and you were waiting for him backstage. "Hey beautiful!" said Liam when he saw you. "Oh, get over it Lili i'm not beautiful." you say. Liam rolls his eyes and prepares for another argument about why he loves you and what he loves about you. "OF COURSE your beautiful." he argues as you walk hand in hand to his dressing room. "Oh yeah?" "I would love to see you try and prove your right which your NOT!" you say challengingly as you and Liam walk into his dressing room. "Oh, you wanna play that game do you (Y/N)??" said Liam with a smirk. "Sure....okay.... I can make you see that I AM right!" he said playfully as he wrestles you to the floor. "UGGHH!!!" Lili get offa meee!!" you moaned. "Nope!" "Sorry babes but you deserved this!" he stated. Liam had a feeling that you were ticklish so he decided now would be the perfect time to test it out on your vulnerable little body. ;D "Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke!!"said Liam as he poked your tummy and sides. "EiiiiiiiiII!!" "Dohohohohohon't dohohoho thahahat!!!!" you giggled. "I KNEW IT!!!" "HAHAHA!!" screamed Liam in victory. "knehehehehew whahahahat???" you said still giggling. "I had a big feeling you were ticklish and now I KNOW i'm right!!" said Liam as he continued his poking. "Nahahahahahahaha stahahahaha-AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" you screamed as Liam had just trailed over your bellybutton. Liam looked shocked. He never knew you would be THIS ticklish!! Liam started drawing circles around your bellybutton. "AHAHAHAHAHAHA NAHAHAHA STAHAHAHAP YOUOHOHOHOU WERE RIGHIHIHIT NOHOHOHOW STAHAHAHAP!!" you screamed. Liam stopped. "I knew it!" he said. And, that was that.

[scrollonso]

First Kiss (Race 17)

A strollonso AU where 18 year old rookie Lance Stroll falls helplessly in love with the notoriously mean world champion. (1.5k words, no warnings) [@v3lnys @biancathecool] {fluff chapter! they go on a little date :3}

last part - masterlist - next part (coming soon)

As soon as Lance got off the plane, he checked his phone and smiled at the name on his screen. Nando.

"You are free tonight?"

"Yep," Lance quickly typed, coming to a standstill in the middle of the airport.

"Dress pretty, I'll come at 5." The Canadian nodded to himself and wheeled his suitcase out to the car his dad had sent for him.

Over the past week, Lance had finally come out to his father. He was scared of how his dad would react, but Lawrence had simply hugged him and apologized for the hurtful things he said. Lance had cried, feeling both embarrassed and relieved. This time, his dad didn't call him a queer for his long hair, (but he did ask if that's why he was growing it out, like a mating call.)

Back at the hotel, Lance anxiously checked the time as he lay on his stomach on the bed. He'd been dressed for two hours already, and there were still 20 minutes until 5. Sharing the room with Nico meant Nico had to endure Lance's constant whining and complaining as he waited.

"Bubu," Nico started, Lance looking over at him before he continued "Shut up."

"You're so rude." Lance groaned again, slamming his face into the pillow in his arms "If you were waiting for Lewis you'd be impatient too." He mumbled into the pillow

As soon as Fernando picked Lance up, his face was lit with a broad smile. "You clean up well," he teased, leaning in to give Lance a quick kiss on the cheek.

Lance blushed, his heart racing. "Thanks. You look great."

In the car, they talked easily, their hands occasionally brushing against each other.

Fernando's thumb gently stroked the back of Lance's hand, sending shivers down his spine. Even though they'd been together for months at this point Lance still felt like he had an embarrassing highschool crush.

They arrived at a cozy Italian restaurant, a favorite of Fernando's, with dim lighting and an intimate atmosphere.

The host led them to a quiet corner table, where they settled in. Fernando reached across the table and took Lance's hand. "I've been looking forward to this all day," he admitted, his eyes softening as he gazed at Lance.

"Me too," Lance replied, squeezing his hand. "It feels good to be here with you. I missed you"

When the waiter arrived, Fernando confidently ordered for both of them. "We'll start with the bruschetta and caprese salad, and for the main course, the seafood risotto and the truffle gnocchi."

Lance smiled, appreciating his decisiveness, knowing that he would've stared at the menu helplessly if he had to order for himself. "You really know your way around a menu," he laughed, remembering how Fernando had talked about this place before.

Fernando hummed. "Is not too hard, I know what you like."

As they waited for their food, the conversation naturally shifted to the upcoming Grand Prix.

"Are you ready for the race?" Fernando asked, his eyes meeting Lance's in the warmly lit resteraunt, it wasn't too busy so there was no reason for them to pretend this wasn't a date.

"Definitely," Lance replied. "The team's been working hard on the car, and Nico's been great. What about you and Giancarlo?"

Fernando nodded, a playful grin on his lips at the thought of his close friend and teammate. "We've been pushing Renault to the limits, am convinced the engineers are tired of both of us. The circuit is hard, but always a fun one."

Lance leaned in, eyes lidded slightly as he smiled at his boyfriend, laughing at his own anxiousness. "I'm worried."

Fernando laughed too, the sound warm and reassuring. "You’ll get it. Just trust yourself."

Their appetizers arrived, and they shared bites of bruschetta and caprese salad, playfully feeding each other small bites and laughing at the mess they made. The conversation flowed from racing to personal stories, with Lance sharing funny anecdotes about his childhood and Fernando recounting his early days in racing, really whatever they could think of that the other didn't know.

When the main courses arrived, they dug into the rich flavours, occasionally stealing bites from each other's plates.

Fernando brushed a strand of hair away from Lance's face, his touch lingering. "You have no idea how happy I am right now, Mi sol." he said softly.

Lance smiled, his heart swelling with affection. "Me too. I missed you."

As the evening went on, their hands found each other across the table, fingers intertwined. They talked about their hopes for the future they wanted together, their fears, anything and everything that came to mind. Fernando's support and understanding made Lance feel more confident and secure, ready for the weekend ahead.

When they finally left the restaurant, the night air was cool, and Fernando wrapped his arm around Lance's shoulders, pulling him close. "You'll do great, Lance. Just remember why you love it."

Lance smiled, feeling a warmth in his chest. "Thanks, Nando. I needed that."

Back in the car, they drove back to the hotel, the city lights reflecting in their eyes. Fernando parked and turned to Lance, his expression serious but tender. "I believe in you, Lance. Both on and off the track."

Lance leaned in and kissed him, a slow, lingering kiss that conveyed all the feelings words couldn't express. "I love you," he whispered.

Fernando smiled, his eyes sparkling with emotion. "I love you too, Mi vida."

The Suzuka Circuit was buzzing with anticipation as the weekend kicked off. Qualifying had been a mixed affair for the drivers. Fernando was barely leading the championship and only managed to secure 5th on the grid. Lance had managed to place 11th, earlier in the season he would've celebrated but 11th was embarrassing in a race-winning car.

The lights went out, and away they went. Fernando had a great start, quickly moving up to 3rd by the end of the first lap. His driving was precise and aggressive, every move perfect.

Lance, starting from the middle, was determined to score points for Racing Point again. By lap 10, he had already made his way up to 8th, maneuvering through the field with newfound confidence and determination to not let down his team. Nico was battling just behind him, holding his own and supporting the team's efforts.

Renault'a strategy came into play as the race progressed. He timed his pit stops perfectly, managing to leapfrog his rivals and move into 2nd place. With ten laps to go, he managed an overtake for the lead, cementing his position at the front. From there, he maintained a relentless pace, never giving his competitors a chance to catch up.

Lance, meanwhile, continued to impress. By the final laps, he had climbed to 6th place, a remarkable feat given his starting position and the teams results earlier in the season.

As the chequered flag waved, Fernando crossed the finish line first, securing a vital win and extending his lead in the championship. The crowd erupted in applause, celebrating his drive as they alwaya did. Lance finished in 6th, an excellent result that underscored his growing potential.

The podium ceremony was a blur of cheers and champagne. Fernando stood tall on the top step, the Spanish anthem playing as he raised the trophy high. Lance watched from the sidelines, his heart swelling with pride and admiration for his boyfriend. He couldn't wait to see his lover on the top step a hundred more times.

After the ceremony, Fernando made his way through the throngs of well-wishers to find Lance. Their eyes met, and a smile spread across Fernando’s face. Lance stepped forward, not hesitating before embracing him tightly.

"You were incredible out there," Lance murmured, his voice distorted in the fabric of the Spaniards fireproofs.

Fernando pulled back slightly, looking into Lance’s eyes. "You too, Lancito. Sixth place is amazing. Getting better every weekend."

Nico eventually joined them, a satisfied grin on his face. He had finished 9th, a solid result, but his thoughts seemed to be elsewhere. Lance caught him glancing towards the paddock entrance where Lewis Hamilton, still in GP2, was standing. There had been whispers about Nico and Lewis, and it seemed those rumors were grounded in truth.

As the evening wore on, the celebrations moved to the Renault hospitality area. Fernando and Lance found a quieter corner, away from the people still in blue and yellow.

"Every race, I see more of your potential," Fernando said softly, his hand brushing Lance's as he continued to praise him.

Lance smiled, leaning into Fernando's touch. "I only drive fast because the sooner I'm done the sooner I can see you," He laughed, embarrassed at his own confession

Their connection was undeniable, even those convinced it was purely platonic couldn't deny the connection between the two polar opposite drivers. In that moment, surrounded by the hum of celebration, they found a moment of peace and intimacy.

"To many more victories," Lance whispered, his voice full of promise.

Fernando smiled, pulling Lance closer. "Together"

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Just had to suffer my sister at her worst but also think she won't talk to me or you now so Janis: 👍🤞 Jimmy: 🎻 Jimmy: Tah though baby 👍 Janis: 🖕 You have no idea dickhead Janis: owe me for how much she blames me 'cos of course Jimmy: we can plan our first date Jimmy: shout you drinks when it happens & work out how most to piss her off 'til then Janis: Decent Janis: have to make it last longer than a few days so she can eat shit/her words Janis: not the date, she ain't that demanding I hope Jimmy: 'ave til school starts, that should be long enough? Jimmy: what sorta dates are #goals for her & her mates Janis: Fine by me, probs a record for that lot honestly Janis: Eurgh, hold on Janis: lemme get into the headspace of a basic bitch Jimmy: & i can serve a record number of frappes to 'em in that time, less time all 'round when it ain't hols no more Jimmy: 👌😂 Jimmy: needs to be bearable for us too Janis: Wasn't betting on it with you for company, babe Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: You love me now, remember Janis: Shh, the more you talk the harder this is Janis: I dunno, every cliche in the book probably, like can't actually just go down the pub, that is not a thotsquad approved #goal Jimmy: hang on, in my house we don't play charades or owt but I'll 'ave a go... 🖕 Jimmy: where did her last bae take your sister? Janis: How many syllables? Jimmy: as many as dickhead has Jimmy: flicks? then we don't have to talk Janis: Tap 'em out, come on Janis: it's two, just so you know Janis: Yeah, that'd work Janis: are you going to make me see something pretentious and artsy or what though Jimmy: you wouldn't like that, smart girl? Jimmy: gotta be a horror film, don't it? That's the cliche Janis: 'course, nothing like a heavy dose of fear to get a girl in the mood Janis: how could I forget Jimmy: food & drinks before or after? since you eat, unlike your sister Janis: After, means there was a chance we got off on the backrow 'fore tucking in to all the garlic or whatever posh food always has in it Jimmy: I can't be back too late though for real Janis: Alright Janis: post it after Janis: doubt our classmates are gonna be hanging 'bout any food place that ain't nandos or maccas so Jimmy: It's your turn on the 'gram, sweetheart Janis: Great 🙄 Jimmy: Fake more enthusiasm when you type out the #s Jimmy: if your sister's likely to be about I'll pick you up Jimmy: say when Janis: 'course Janis: when more's at stake than just your ego darling 😘 Janis: when do you need to be back for real Janis: it doesn't matter to me Jimmy: 9ish at latest Jimmy: but if anyone asks we were out 'til whenever Jimmy: my sister ain't gonna dob us in as liars Janis: Shit man, wha'd'ya do? Janis: 'course though Janis: mine happily would but she ain't that bright, and easily avoided so it's cool Jimmy: nowt like what you're thinking Janis: coulda gone with that Janis: actually sound impressive Jimmy: why? Jimmy: you getting bored of me already, Jessica? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: just saying, bit of inspiration wouldn't go amiss if you want this post to be 🔥 Janis: but don't worry, I'm a pro even if you're not bringing your A game Jimmy: if you need it when the bar's this low, we are doomed Jimmy: got weeks of this yet, girl Janis: shut up, misery Janis: just worried you can't keep up Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 Jimmy: a well deep wound Janis: You want 'em to piss off or nah, boy Jimmy: save your nagging 'til you next visit me at work Jimmy: the audience will lap it up Janis: Yeah yeah, you just wanna fully appreciate in person don't lie Jimmy: rumbled 😍 Janis: Hm, know your type, mate Janis: probably tell me your shifts so I can drop in casual Janis: not dedicated enough to work it out like they have, soz Jimmy: [sends his work schedule] Jimmy: get in before I get sacked 🙄 Janis: are you only the best barista in looks then? 💔 Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Jimmy: you tasted that smoothie Jimmy: but your sister's head bitch is here with her latest male victim Jimmy: I can only be so 😁 Janis: do the world, him and me a favour and poison hers, like 😒 Janis: your manager will understand Jimmy: Is she not immune to most? Jimmy: Looks like she's about to swallow this lad 🐍 Janis: 😷 Janis: Throw water at her, cool her down and she'll melt Jimmy: deal Janis: knew you had your uses Jimmy: she keeps looking at me Jimmy: waiting for my invite to sit down and join in Janis: probably Janis: or she's trying to turn you into stone, run away then, boy 🙄 Jimmy: if she can get anyone hard with one of them looks I despair at Leprechaun country more than I had done Janis: 😏 Janis: Actually funny, give you that Janis: she reckons Jimmy: Funny enough to come save me? Janis: Hmm Janis: How scared are you? Gotta let it get high enough, most hero points Jimmy: I'll let you know when she unhinges her jaw fully Janis: 👍 Janis: quite the party trick Jimmy: go on, I'll ramp up the 😍 Jimmy: make her think you're really irresistible Janis: Think? Janis: Bitch, she knows Jimmy: She fancies you? Jimmy: That explains a lot Janis: I don't know what her actual damage is Janis: would explain the over-the-top homophobia, like Jimmy: I'll show her what she's missing then Jimmy: work appropriate PDA Janis: 😍 when you put it like that Jimmy: gotta pay up Jimmy: like you said, I owe you for Grace Jimmy: how far do you want me to go? Janis: Oh 'scuse me whilst I take a moment to swoon Janis: 😂 Jimmy: Don't take too long if you don't want her to leave Jimmy: which I know you don't Jimmy: she's been chatting shit loudly about you, for my benefit, since she got here Janis: 😒 Glad to know she's as much a cunt behind my back as she is to my face Janis: true friend 💕 Janis: Reckon we can manage to show you're actually interested in ME and not just getting off with any bitch or too pie in the sky Jimmy: Easy Jimmy: Put your hair up so I can take it down that's the most cliche thing I can think of Janis: Sorted Janis: it's up anyway, had to go to the gym after that delightful convo with Gracie Jimmy: If you can keep your sick in your mouth & not over me, I'll remember your name, just for this Jimmy: Jennifer, right? Janis: I know you can read Janis: not that Northern Jimmy: Do you? Jimmy: I might be faking that too Janis: You running every message by your colleague first then? Janis: I should get off with him too, only fair Jimmy: wait til Mona's gone probably Jimmy: what do you wanna drink/eat? I'll pretend it's spontaneous 'cause I can read you so well 💕 Janis: She'd respect it, slutbag Janis: the others would defs not though so I'll be sly with it, don't worry Janis: Clearly a non-shit smoothie is our thing, babe 💕 Janis: and anything with protein, not fussy Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: Take some selfies with me, we'll work out who's gonna post what later Janis: Gotta give the fans what they want Jimmy: gotta give the #haters what they don't Janis: You know it Janis: by the time School rolls back 'round, you're gonna be so forgettable Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: No wishing 'bout it, boy Janis: I get shit done 💪 Jimmy: Don't make me like you Jimmy: Not what we're here for Janis: 🙄 Don't be soft Jimmy: Do your job & I won't be, will I? Jimmy: 😍 remember Janis: Yeah 😏 Do your best to look dead blue ball'd in these selfies Janis: what could be more #goals than a boy not instantly going off you when you don't spread 'em on first sight, appaz Janis: and our bar is low yeah Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: It's been a while, I can do that Janis: 🎻 Janis: Bollocks has it Jimmy: Hard to believe 'cause you want me so bad but actually has Janis: 🖕 Janis: if you have as many fans as you claiming, they ain't all so unbearable you ain't gone there Jimmy: yeah they are Janis: ⬆ standards, is it Jimmy: standards Jimmy: any Janis: Admirable Jimmy: Piss off Janis: Deadly serious Jimmy: nah you're not Janis: Giving you a few months 'fore you're one of 'em Janis: that's all Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: back to being brutal now then Janis: You want saving from this whole town, that'd cost more than you'd be willing to give, boy Janis: get you eventually Jimmy: I'll be gone before that happens Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: I didn't wanna come here in the first place, I'm not making it my shamrock patch to die in Janis: Me either, mate Jimmy: You better shut up and get a move on before we find owt else we've got in common Janis: 'Less you want me to show up all sweaty and have it be known that's what you're into you'll calm the fuck down and lemme finish Jimmy: If I cared that much what people thought I was into have dressed you before you first showed up here Janis: Cunt Janis: if I wanted unwarranted fashion advice, I'd have stayed home and alked to my sister some more Jimmy: Can't seduce a girl without a leather jacket, by your own reckoning Jimmy: So you're wrong or I don't care, do I? Janis: I'm right, you just like complaining Janis: it ain't like you've been catfished here Jimmy: you've been whinging since you got in my inbox, Jolene Janis: You're the one who's shit scared of falling so you keep 🤐 anything else Jimmy: You don't know me Jimmy: guess again Janis: I'm good Janis: only need to know the fake you tso this isn't a waste of time Jimmy: 💔 Janis: but give me the basic rundown over dinner, yeah Janis: just in case anyone asks when your birthday is or some shit Jimmy: chatting something useful? Who are you? Jimmy: Top one, Julie Janis: Funny Janis: I'll be fucking fuming if it's soon, I ain't getting you anything Jimmy: We'll be over before then Jimmy: When's yours? Janis: 13th October, so same Jimmy: Gutted I can't make Grace share with me as well Janis: 😒 Don't even Janis: basically have to leave the country to get away, no joke how serious she takes it Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎸🎺🎻 Jimmy: you get the whole orchestra for that one, baby Janis: I'll let her know you want the joint party, see how musical you feeling then Jimmy: I've already told you, you ain't breaking my heart Jimmy: do your worst Janis: hour 3 of picking out fucking Janis: napkin colours Janis: and she will Jimmy: nah don't have to listen Jimmy: she don't want any real input Janis: i know you've heard how loud she is Janis: there's no option Jimmy: bollocks Janis: I'm telling you, take my place Jimmy: I'm telling you, customer service has trained me Jimmy: Challenge accepted Janis: Have fun Janis: Imma do one with your fit workmate ✌ Jimmy: You'd have to find one first Janis: Easy Jimmy: if that's your type, sweetheart Janis: Not an amateur like the bitches who concern themselves with you, I've scoped the joint once, I'm good to go Janis: Don't be jealous, you asked for this Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: It's pity not jealousy Jimmy: if you think any of 'em are fit you need your eyes checked at least and at worst, like....scrapping Janis: I didn't know you'd ranked 'em all outta 10 already, my bad Janis: if you got claims, just say, girl code Jimmy: what the fuck is girl code? Janis: Fucked if I know but unsurprised I'm apparently in violation 'cos Gracie ain't getting exactly what she wants 🤷 Janis: ask if you can get a word in Jimmy: tah, mate Janis: I know, she's scary Janis: save your streetcred and keep it hush Jimmy: what street cred? I'm dating you Janis: Actually do one Jimmy: you don't feel no different about me Jimmy: we ain't pretending here Janis: I've had enough of it for one day though so you'll have to have a go tomorrow, like Jimmy: alright, white flag Jimmy: relax, Janis Janis: Whatever, yeah Janis: omw Jimmy: I'll get the smoothie ready so you don't have to wait Jimmy: it's the little things that are #goals yeah? Janis: 💕 Janis: so sweet Jimmy: save it Jimmy: we've got a show to put on Jimmy: Myrtle's really stepped hers up, on the hate & the love Janis: Least she's coming up for air Janis: What's she saying then? Jimmy: not worth repeating when we can just shut it down Janis: I just feel sorry for the lad Janis: his idea of a hot date probably isn't a bitching sesh Jimmy: he looks like he's enjoying himself Janis: 😷 the casualties of the job they didn't warn you about, yeah Jimmy: if you want any food you're braver than me Janis: Given but Janis: ew Jimmy: don't be a dickhead after the white flag's gone up Janis: awh babes Janis: don't you wanna play dirty? Jimmy: like I said, save it, babes Janis: 😏 fine Janis: dry Jimmy: I get it, you want me Jimmy: you can regret that it's fake later Janis: Yeah, be one for the deathbed, that 🙄 Jimmy: I'll bring the orchestra in Janis: you'll be long gone Janis: 💔 can kill, you know Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: alright, Juliet, steady on Janis: 🥊 ain't pulling no Janis: you shoulda done more research, boyo Jimmy: Minerva's meant to be drinking the poison not you, love Jimmy: & absolutely not me Janis: ahh so it's true Janis: you DO pull that stunt on all the girls 😏 amateur Jimmy: call me an amateur after if you still think so Janis: happily Jimmy: Love you too, baby Janis: 🤢 Janis: blow your load that quick we're in real trouble Jimmy: what are you wearing today? Jimmy: 'cause unless you've got the leathers out Janis: 😂 kicking it old school sex hotline okay Janis: gym things, obviously Janis: men, never listen 😏 Jimmy: we're in no danger then Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: rude when i'm blowing off the gym juice boy for you Jimmy: if you want to bring him to CG to dangle in front of your enemy, go on Janis: Poor boy Janis: she has enough playthings without my help Jimmy: they'll both be gutted Jimmy: learn to share, Joni Janis: fuck off Janis: had a lifetime as is Jimmy: I ain't an only child Jimmy: you don't get no violin Janis: how many you got, 1, 2 Janis: and you ain't twins with the most annoying bitch in ireland, possibly the world Jimmy: take it up with your Irish catholic parents or whatever Jimmy: probably the pope Janis: how irish catholic do i look boy Jimmy: your ma looks it Jimmy: that'll do Janis: send her to the fucking laundries and bury us all in the mass grave Janis: good luck n all da Jimmy: cheery today you Janis: ain't my fault fallen women don't get you going Janis: what's wrong with you man Jimmy: if that's your #goal we are proper doomed Jimmy: couldn't be more turned off if I tried Janis: tell you ain't catholic Janis: love to hate the sin hatefuck the sinner baby, that's how we're rolling Jimmy: I'm not C of E never mind that Jimmy: there's no god under my roof, girl Jimmy: never been Janis: Lucky you Janis: we're not all #blessed Jimmy: 🎻 Jimmy: my dad will love to hear that we are, tah Janis: welcome Janis: way too soon to attempt impressing parents but clearly that overachiever Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: bring that enthusiasm to my counter, babe Janis: hot Jimmy: like you said, bar's low Janis: low enough you reckon i'm hopping my arse up on it for you, apparently Jimmy: why not? Janis: depends Janis: is it a challenge Jimmy: You gonna accept it if it is? Janis: Obviously Janis: 🥇 Jimmy: Go on then, thrill me, Justine Janis: Easy Jimmy: Easy for you to say now, yeah Janis: Easy for you to chat back now too Jimmy: I'll pretend to like it, difficult as that'll be Jimmy: So doesn't matter Janis: you need me, remember that Jimmy: I've not forgotten Jimmy: don't need to kiss your arse before you get here though Janis: no one's asking you to go that far, tah Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: well you never answered how far you DO want me to Janis: Don't be stupid Jimmy: Not #goals if you slap me in front of Mia, is it? Janis: Not for you anyway Jimmy: Draw me the line Jimmy: I won't cross it Jimmy: Not hard Janis: You're not thick, no sense doing anything more than what's appropriate for the audience, like Janis: why do I have to spell it out Jimmy: 'Cause you hate her Jimmy: So how much do you? Janis: How much do I hate her? Janis: That's a question and then some, like Jimmy: I can make it as hot and her as jealous as you want Jimmy: Like you said, not thick Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: Do the same for me if I ask Jimmy: & yeah Janis: Alright Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I'm here Janis: be hot Jimmy: 🔥🎆🚒 Janis: Oh my God, you actual loser 😏 Jimmy: don't call me a loser when I'm about to help you win Janis: okay okay, teamwork, yeah? Jimmy: I've been putting in work you ain't even asked for being 😍 at my phone this whole time so she knows its you Jimmy: pull your weight, dickhead Janis: admire the dedication Jimmy: match it then Janis: oi 💪 always Jimmy: 🥇 yeah? Janis: Too right Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [After] Janis: Is your phone blowing up too or am I just the un🍀 one? Jimmy: my co-workers are Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: you could be in with some of 'em now for real Janis: Good stuff, secondary goal achieved too Janis: Go us Jimmy: Mia's not gonna put us on blast like a new wave gossip girl, is she? Jimmy: Do without my sister seeing any of that Janis: I don't reckon she would, she shouldn't seem as invested as she is, not cool Janis: she's just shown her little mates, Grace included Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: keep your win without me whinging then Janis: Just get her done for making material with minors in if she does, problem solved 🤷 Janis: not taking my 🥇 Jimmy: we gonna cool things off for not looking to keen or go all in with first date bollocks? Janis: I mean, probably occupy their tiny minds for a bit but leave it too long and I go back to looking #desperate so Janis: still up for going ahead whenever you are Jimmy: day or two? Jimmy: made me want you for a bit but not too long Janis: Cool Janis: I'd buy it Jimmy: more like two and you can act like I'm blowing your phone up Jimmy: tilt your screen 🙄 Janis: For sure Janis: hmu with those 'wyd' texts Jimmy: & impressive selfies Jimmy: you ain't the only one capable Janis: mhmm show me what i'm missing 😏 Jimmy: 🤤 Jimmy: you ran off so quick we didn't take any coupley ones #rookie mistake Jimmy: remind me next time Janis: you know, own personal photographer and hater in one with mia Janis: even if she ain't thinking of my angles Jimmy: she didn't get mine either Jimmy: 💔 Janis: honestly, talk about distracted on the job Jimmy: some people, mate Jimmy: have you looked though? did the job for us Jimmy: & livened up her story Janis: Welcome, if I had to see another generic selfie from her 🔫 Janis: Who knew I was so popular? Jimmy: Me, that's why we're 💕 Janis: All part of the masterplan Janis: I'll skillfully ignore these DM requests, like Jimmy: we've made our point Jimmy: slide into as many DMs as you like, darling Janis: 👍 tah Janis: least let you get a date in, kinda the point Jimmy: point is, you're not gay & I'm not interested in what Mia & co are offering Jimmy: but I won't deprive you of a date now, that'd be so snide Janis: 🙄 gracious Jimmy: we don't have to sit through a whole shit film, do we? Jimmy: as long as we check in & our audience know we're there Janis: you gotta be home by 9 anyway so Jimmy: Mia's not gonna like turn up in shades to watch us in the back row now she'd had a glimpse Jimmy: 'Cause I wanna just eat Janis: Got enough wank bank material keep her going Janis: let's just eat then, I don't care, never nothing good on anyway Jimmy: where's good grub wise? I ain't been nowhere yet Janis: I know places, I'll pick somewhere actually decent, not just #goals Janis: just don't tell my Dad Jimmy: 😍😍😍 tah bae Jimmy: what's your dad gonna do if I chat to him about decent food? Janis: chat how his is better and no one needs a first date at their own dad's restaurant Janis: never mind a fake one Jimmy: 💔 gutted Jimmy: I could've made a 🔥 first impression for you, girl Janis: 😂 gone to your head, lad Janis: don't need to impress him, or any of 'em Jimmy: could though Jimmy: multi talented Jimmy joined the chat 7 hours ago Janis: and the oscar goes to Janis: keep your talents away from my fam, tah Jimmy: Alright, Jackie, you've got a deal Janis: careful, make a habit of it Jimmy: gotta for as long as you need me Janis: 💕 Jimmy: then I'll bin school off & go hollywood 😎 Janis: See no flaws in the plan Janis: big enough town I can go too and blank ya or? Janis: any out, like Jimmy: I'm no expert but I'd guess yeah Janis: Did you just admit you don't know everything? Janis: Omg, definitely isn't you Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: You're the one who tries to chat that you do Janis: I don't try, I just do, babe Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: We were having a moment plotting our new life & you had to be a dickhead Jimmy: ruin everything you Janis: You have to warn me when we're having moments Janis: I wasn't on, God Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: Used it all up for Mia Janis: real love of my life, naturally 😒 Jimmy: You crush me, Josie Janis: I know, I know Janis: I did warn you Jimmy: Make it up to me by naming a decent pub Jimmy: I need somewhere to go after work Janis: Whelan's is a decent shout Jimmy: 👍 Janis: for your vibe Janis: lots of leather, lots of indie but the craic is actually decent and it ain't tourist hell so Jimmy: I'll let you know if you're right Jimmy: know you can't wait to find out Janis: Hanging on the phone, like 🖕 Jimmy: If I find any girls irresistible I'll keep it off the 'gram, don't worry Janis: 👍 Jimmy: this shift is dragging after Mia gate Jimmy: if I text her will she come back? Janis: You mean they're ripping the piss too hard Janis: Obviously she would but can you not Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: I've handled worse from you Janis: Brave boy Jimmy: Don't join in Jimmy: not an invite Janis: alright alright Janis: is the fit one invited whelan's with you or nah? i need to know if he's got enough bants or what Jimmy: weren't planning on inviting any of 'em soz to 💔 Janis: least i know he's free Jimmy: keep winning today Jimmy: you're welcome, babe Janis: You know Janis: couldn't have done it without you Jimmy: coulda asked your fave barista Jimmy: next time he'll be well ready to take you up on it Janis: not got a dealwith him, have i Jimmy: wouldn't be hard to make one Jimmy: you've got his attention & I can give you his details Janis: don't be a dick Jimmy: What? Janis: Not fir hire Janis: I'm helping you out because you're helping me out, that's it Janis: it ain't that Jimmy: If you like him, get with him Janis: Maybe I will but don't concern yourself with the set-up Jimmy: I'm helping you out 'cause you helped me out, that's it Janis: Well don't Jimmy: Alright Janis: Have a good night 👍 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [sends restaurant deets] Janis: shall I book this or not? Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: I'm working 'til 6 but I'll get ready here & come straight to get you Janis: K Janis: See you then then, just bring your selfie A game Jimmy: just get my good side Janis: 📸 or 👊? Jimmy: depends what mood you're in, Jill Jimmy: guess we'll find out Janis: depends on how much of a pain in my are you plan on being Jimmy: depends what kind of day I've had Jimmy: & how much of a dickhead you plan on being Janis: isn't that just my natural state of being Jimmy: when you're chatting yeah Janis: Backatcha Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: better at not Jimmy: but don't need to tell you that after earlier Janis: shame, really Jimmy: why? Janis: That we have to talk to make this thing believable Janis: trust, I'd rather just the other too Jimmy: I can piss off Jimmy: it's believable now Jimmy: don't have to keep chatting away Janis: You said you'd make me look good, and I so do not right now, so you can't get out of it yet Jimmy: I made you look great Jimmy: rewatch the story Jimmy: & what I'm chatting is, some couples barely do, so we don't have to Janis: other lads who want the same, i grant you but you miss all the comments calling me a slag or what Janis: obvs, i ain't trying to keep you Jimmy: I'll follow through, we've got a deal Jimmy: but you don't have to have me as your specialist subject on a quiz show Janis: piss off Janis: i ain't them or tryna be so don't play like i am Jimmy: Ask me what you need & then we don't have to talk for ages Jimmy: job done Janis: I have, where's the bit where I'm asking you 'bout the weather? Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: Jesus Jimmy: he don't exist to me, remember? Jimmy: you gotta listen if you wanna keep this believable, girl Janis: not my specialist  subject, babe Jimmy: 💔 Janis: 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕 Jimmy: lovely you are Jimmy: remind me to take you home to meet the parents ASAP Janis: yeah thank fuck it ain't real, right Jimmy: if it were I wouldn't offer Janis: if you're trying to put me off, I already know you're a dick Janis: it's not necessary Jimmy: trying to put them off Jimmy: one dinner with you & I wouldn't have to be at the next however many Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 💔 too bad that ain't part of the deal then Jimmy: could be? Jimmy: You agreed to go all in for me when I asked Jimmy: like I did for you with Mia Janis: Ha, you wanna live to regret it just name the time, mate Jimmy: I'll let you know when the next family dinner is Jimmy: My dad's due a new girlfriend about now Janis: I'll do my best not to seduce her Jimmy: Don't let me stop you Jimmy: 'ave your fun while you can, he don't keep 'em long Janis: Gutting, no doubt Jimmy: for who? Jimmy: don't reckon anyone's 💔 Janis: Yeah, I gathered Janis: well not really a sloppy seconds kinda girl but if there's no love lost and that's what you want, like Janis: done is done Jimmy: 💕 last great romantic you Janis: Let it be known Jimmy: hang on, I'll tweet it Janis: 😏 as far as subtweets go, I'm getting worse, babe Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: Just saying, up your game, boy Jimmy: What you want me to do, tweet you a nude? Jimmy: Calm down, Jen Janis: I know even you ain't that cocky, no pun intended, new boy Jimmy: Nah? Janis: Nah, all chat Janis: like I said, sad, really 😥 Jimmy: Hold on, the lighting in here is shit Janis: 😂 #priorities Jimmy: [tweets it 'cos I'll never actually find one] Janis: as if you actually did that Jimmy: when I get snatched by a man with a van full of sweets, on your head Janis: 💔 i'll use that picture on the posters, like Jimmy: edit the lighting tah Jimmy: still shit Janis: you tryna be an insta model or what, mate Jimmy: could be Jimmy: you ain't paying me for my time, rich girl Janis: those skinny tea #ads will be coming in no time Jimmy: 💔 locked out of my account so I'll never know what my Juliet tweeted me back Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: not a nude back so you ain't missing anything good Jimmy: course of true love & all that Jimmy: still gutted Janis: I'll compile screenshots of the most blatant thirsty hoes, can go over 'em on our date Janis: don't say I never do nothing for you Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: making me fall hard for you, babe Janis: I know, gift and a curse, truly Jimmy: its the gym clothes Jimmy: could've warned me Janis: 😏 you never seen a bitch in a sports bra Jimmy: nah Jimmy: its too cold up north for owt like that Janis: 😂 running in all your layers Jimmy: spot on Janis: know it's grim but the sweat would be no joke Janis: dirrrrrty Jimmy: I ain't a runner & I don't know any Jimmy: take your word, mate Jimmy: kills me getting the dog out Janis: all them 🚬 Janis: not a stalker, 'fore you start Janis: tasted 'em second-hand, bit rude Jimmy: 💀💀💀💀 Jimmy: if you get cancer of the 👅 bill me for your medical Janis: 💕 true love Janis: resisted the urge to tell a rich bitch to pay for her own if she hates dying so much and everything, so proud Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: one make out sesh & I'm a changed man, baby #your influence Janis: so gonna quote that on twitter, really shame you now you ain't about to stop me 😈 Jimmy: 'ave at it Jimmy: gimme more warning next time & 🚭 for real though Janis: Better than teacher coffee breath, which is what I was mentally preparing for tbh Jimmy: brutal Jimmy: actually 💔 me now Janis: It's good Janis: you ain't as much of a filthy hipster as I reckoned Jimmy: On the level, Janet, I don't like coffee Jimmy: just need it sometimes 😫 Jimmy: kinda like you & I Janis: No judgment, boy Janis: all got our vices but at the price CG is selling, you'd be better off getting proper amphetamines Jimmy: staff discount is mint Jimmy: but tah for the concern Janis: that's me Janis: lovely Jimmy: had 'em as a kid anyway before I outgrew it Jimmy: nowt to shout 'bout Janis: Good to know you ain't that kinda #cringe Jimmy: what kind? Janis: the 'thinks getting off his face is a personality trait' kind Janis: do what you gotta but don't be tryna act like it should wow me, you know Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: my ex was a bit of that, in the end Janis: yeah, lots are, all fun and games 'til it ain't then it's like a constant fucking comedown or they can't hack it Jimmy: nothing close to fun & games up north, mate, only grim, remember? 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: anyway she's got a kid now so clean up or fuck up Janis: 😬 Oosh Janis: you're not a runaway baby daddy, are you Jimmy: nah Janis: 🍀 Jimmy: friend of her dad's, I think Janis: Nice Janis: not gross at all, sir Jimmy: Like I said, grim Janis: not any better here let's be real Janis: not all little gingers and pots of gold Jimmy: don't tell my dad he moved us here 🤞 Jimmy: and so I wouldn't gatecrash her wedding & offer to raise her kid but neither here nor there Janis: 🤐 Janis: gutting, i doubt her dad's mate is minted or hot Jimmy: he ain't Jimmy: he's 45, works in a factory, smokes more and gyms less than me Jimmy: but my dad is 'bout a year behind the times Jimmy: too late for my objections 💔 Janis: oh girl, no Janis: tragedy all 'round Jimmy: she's on my friend's list if you wanna give her the orchestra Janis: don't worry, entertained enough by my fans rn Janis: don't need to passive-aggressively ruin the poor bitch for the lols Jimmy: so sad to be missing out Janis: you're sorely missed, i promise you Janis: not by me, obvs but you know Jimmy: who by? Jimmy: can't fake it forever, can I? Jimmy: gotta get a real girl one day Janis: You can't wait 'til the date for the list I ALREADY promised yas? Jimmy: I told you this shift is dragging it's arse, Judith Janis: you got tinder downloaded? no doubt sly bitches are swarming already Jimmy: nah but probably should Jimmy: if its that or tell you more of my origin story Janis: I ain't asking, batman, chill out Jimmy: but I'm chatting Jimmy: fuck knows why I've said what I've already said Janis: don't matter, who am I telling? Jimmy: twitter for all I know Janis: nah Janis: give me some credit Janis: not funny, for starters, like Jimmy: story of my life Jimmy: there's a joke in there somewhere Janis: 🎻 Janis: they ain't ready for the inside joke that is Jimmy: I'm still not inviting any other dickheads but come for a drink tonight if you want Janis: Alright Janis: devvo all my besties ain't gona be there but you'll do Jimmy: you can bring whoever I'm just saying I ain't Janis: I'm good Janis: not dealing with the disappointment when he realizes it ain't a threesome with ya Jimmy: #my influence Janis: Truly, babe Janis: with bad lighting and all 🔥 Jimmy: I could've done better but you put me on the spot Janis: 😂 it's alright, couldn't see it, you don't have to hit me with performance excuses yet Jimmy: or ever Jimmy: you're faking it & telling me you are Jimmy: #goals Janis: so much easier Jimmy: so convincing earlier I'm wondering if my ex ever wanted to kiss me 💔🎻💔 Janis: leave it a few 'til you ring her asking Janis: least you can be/pretend to be pissed Jimmy: don't wanna know Janis: unless her type is exclusively really undesirable old blokes Janis: you're fine Jimmy: maybe it is & you're being catfished Jimmy: look like a teen, am in my 40s Janis: I mean, I'm good, I'll call the garda and get mad sympathy and compensation Janis: can't lose, baby Jimmy: stick with me, Janine Janis: why not Jimmy: you don't even have to kiss me tonight Jimmy: wins keep coming Janis: 🍀 Janis: born with it Jimmy: maybe its leprechauns Janis: 😂 Jimmy: if you're Irish why are you so tall? Jimmy: shatters my illusions Janis: Half Brazilian too, and quarter plain old English scum Jimmy: you're a smoothie of a girl Jimmy: lovely Janis: Steady on 😬 call me exotic and stick me on the menu whilst you're at it Jimmy: be better than what's on Jimmy: you taste better than you chat Janis: ha Janis: dread to think how we're representing english in a smoothie...like, blended fry-up or what? Jimmy: tea? Janis: You know I'm actually Scouse with it so maybe you just wanna chop me up and use my blood, like Janis: 😬 #awks Jimmy: Yeah? Jimmy: must be why we have such an affinity Janis: that what we're calling it? 😏 Jimmy: what do you wanna label it? Jimmy: fake chemistry? Janis: Famistry sounds ridiculous Janis: serious suggestions only please Jimmy: sounds like we're gonna do blood tests & tell people their family trees Janis: 💸 Janis: only if i can tell people they're adopted or their uncle is their dad Janis: spice things up Jimmy: only if I can make a smoothie to represent them at the end Janis: 🎨 #artiste Jimmy: fuck mia, if I text you will you come back Jimmy: bored Janis: really? you let me get home before deciding this? 🙄 Janis: and you've sent me/twitter the nude already, how mind-blowing is this text gonna be, like 😏 Jimmy: is that a challenge or a flat out nah Janis: When you working 'til, like 6? Jimmy: Yep Janis: if we're going pub after anyway, guess I could come that bit earlier, what's it matter, like Janis: go forth and text impress, boy Jimmy: walk me, you romantic Jimmy: 💕 Janis: real old school Janis: you want flowers so you can really make all the other lads jealous or what Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: with this hayfever? you're alright Janis: 😍 sexy Janis: can't hack a bit of pollen, love that for you Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😂 Janis: poor boy, stick to getting the pints in, yeah? Jimmy: it's my #excuse for the fans for why you ain't getting no 🎕 Jimmy: & yeah Janis: literally what are you meant to do with 'em anyway Janis: waste Jimmy: watch 'em die Jimmy: like the feelings you caught for the wrong bae Janis: deep 🚬 Jimmy: gonna be a twitter poet if I ever get my account back Janis: i can see it Janis: gonna have to chuck you before then Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: [okay but sends her a really hot sext cos challenge accepted from a moment ago but I can't write it cos I'm me, myself & I so imagine] Jimmy: Screenshot that for me 'til then Janis: 😳 Janis: You want me to get suspended for your filth too? Jimmy: censor it if you must Janis: you can't censor #art babe Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Done Jimmy: with me or my artistic flair? Janis: I screenshotted it Jimmy: I wasn't serious Jimmy: but join me on the ban list I guess Janis: I'll delete it Janis: I did some generous cropping anyway Jimmy: leave it Jimmy: don't wanna look like you regret your choices Jimmy: not #goals Janis: soz Jimmy: nah you're not Janis: i mean, again warn a bitch when it's a joke, yeah Jimmy: I sound good what do I care? Janis: exactly, nothing but favours Jimmy: for you too Jimmy: not gonna look desperate waiting on that date now, are you? Janis: you want a thank you or? Jimmy: I want a fucking drink but I'm too keen Jimmy: not time yet Janis: 'less you're buzzing for another smoothie Jimmy: tasted enough of yours tah Janis: no room to complain Janis: you made it, ash tray Jimmy: I wasn't Jimmy: calm down, rich girl, you're supposed to be nice to your servers now Janis: You reckon I ain't been nice enough to you for one day? Jimmy: depends Jimmy: If I say nah are you gonna be nicer or meaner? Janis: See how I'm feeling, I guess Janis: and how much of a dickhead you're being 😜 Jimmy: 💔 deep wounds Jimmy: you've got the wrong fake boyfriend 'cause I would obviously not act like that towards you, Judy Janis: 😏 my mistake Janis: jog my memory, which one are you then? Jimmy: northern prince charming 💕 Jimmy: gets banned from twitter for you, makes you personalised drinks, hates the same people you hate Janis: Ahh, him Jimmy: what do you drink anyway? feel like I should know even if this round's off the 'gram Janis: Have whatever you're having Janis: not tryna be that easy but I don't drink often enough to be arsed Janis: don't feel special, like Jimmy: Actually so romantic though 😍 Janis: 🖕 shh Jimmy: it's pints either lager, ales or snakebite/snakebite & black Jimmy: I'll let you pick 'cause I am too Janis: twitter feed been knew and blessed, babe Janis: go 🐍 Janis: seems fitting Jimmy: how did you guess I saved the best for last? Janis: The affinity, obviously Jimmy: don't feel special but you're less of a dickhead today Janis: This is like the second time you've spoke to me, judgy cunt 😂 Jimmy: I've had a month of silent judgement going Janis: Well, how can I not feel special now, eh Jimmy: on everyone not just you Jimmy: but yeah if I'd known all I had to do was stage an elaborate fake kiss to make you specifically less annoying then Janis: spoilsport Janis: 😑 Jimmy: I know 💔 Janis: Something like that Janis: twat Jimmy: What? Jimmy: I was giving you a real compliment Janis: Yeah yeah Janis: save it for the 'gram lover boy Jimmy: 😭 Janis: need a drink in you immediately Janis: soft cunt Jimmy: immediately after I get changed out of this uniform 💔 for you Janis: i ain't complaining Janis: EXACTLY what we mean when we say love a man in uniform, right ladies 😍 Jimmy: it gets you going, I felt it Jimmy: or you wanna admit to that just being me? 💕 Janis: nah Janis: 100% the apron and promise of the decent discount Jimmy: Knew it Janis: should be glad, like Jimmy: why? Janis: don't want me falling for you, nightmare Jimmy: better than your sister Jimmy: marginally Jimmy: or are you an entirely different girl when it's real 💘? Janis: fuck you fucking marginally, you can say no tah without associating me with her Janis: guess we'll never know Janis: 💔 tragedy Jimmy: not directly Jimmy: I'm sure I'll see it on the 'gram when you're doing this all for real Janis: knew it Janis: #stalkeebecomesthestalker Jimmy: it's my destiny Jimmy: obsessed with you, Juliet Janis: One fake kiss and it's a done deal Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: gift and curse Janis: will be more careful next time i fake date, tah for the experience, like Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Apparently they're having an emergency sleepover at ours tonight... Janis: my sister fully wants me dead, bye 😂 Jimmy: do you have somewhere else you can sleep or is it a one eye open job? Janis: I'll go to my Grandparents Janis: don't need to wake up to them in my face ready to sacrifice me or whatever nah Jimmy: We could say we're having our own emergency sleepover Jimmy: really put the nail in your coffin Janis: 😂 Janis: amazing Jimmy: what's more goals than sleeping with you and still taking you out to dinner, yeah? Jimmy: You're a really good lay, have a steak 😍 you know Janis: you've got a point Janis: beats a text back, like Jimmy: I often do, dickhead, catch up Jimmy: you can stay here if you think it'll get back to the oracle that you weren't Jimmy: here being my house not this 2nd home, don't sleep at the CG, I would be sacked Janis: 🖕 Firstly Janis: Secondly, probably for the best or we'll have start faking the noises and I don't trust them to not wanna go whole hog and watch Janis: the one with the bog eye gonna put me off Janis: soz hun Janis: lastly it's really fucked with my fantasy that you don't tbh, least keep the little hat on Jimmy: my room's a box, that gonna be a problem for you, rich girl? Janis: I'm an actual basement dweller, it's fine Jimmy: My dad is Jimmy: you'll get on like a house on 🔥 Janis: do my best to avoid him even if the walk of shame is fake, he's not gonna know that Jimmy: might fall for him, have a baby & get married Jimmy: happens more than you'd reckon Janis: 🤢 Janis: not my speed Janis: no offense old man Jimmy: for the best, I look nothing like him Jimmy: & I'm your type so Janis: Obviously Jimmy: I'll be in with my brother, knock on the wall if you need owt Jimmy: another fake kiss, a twitter ban, whatever Janis: 🙄 Clearly you don't me but I trust you to control yourself, you know Janis: don't need to exile yourself on my behalf, like Jimmy: If I don't it'll be three in a bed Jimmy: you don't want that Janis: Ah right, fair play Janis: thought the poor bastard might be like 12 or whatever and like piss off jim Jimmy: my sister is Jimmy: ignore her, she'll fuck you up 🥊 Janis: Noted 😏 Jimmy: could be gay & fall in love with you Jimmy: #awkward Janis: I'll calm down how hot I am Janis: apart from that, just a rabid dog too, yeah? Jimmy: It'd be a way to find out 'cause she's never said but probably best if you look as ugly as possible Jimmy: for all our sakes Jimmy: & its only a puppy, you'll survive Janis: Outing your sister is deffo not part of the deal, no Janis: I'm great with dogs Jimmy: Yeah? Take it with you Jimmy: None of us want it Janis: Awh don't be horrible Jimmy: I'm not Jimmy: we don't Janis: um why'd you get it Jimmy: guilt gift for moving to a new country when its not even the start of the school year Jimmy: we weren't asked, I'd have voted for a better telly or summat Janis: ahh, the infinite wisdom of parents Janis: what you need is more pressure and responsibility at a time like that, for sure Jimmy: probably ask my sister if you're taking it & not her off into the sunset too Jimmy: she hates it least Janis: I would but we're not allowed dogs Janis: Mum's a mad cat lady Janis: probably just needs a bit of training, that's all, it'll be more bearable then Jimmy: 💔 gutted for myself more than you Janis: I'll show you how it's done Janis: My Grandparents have a dog and it was lowkey feral before I started Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: before or after you fake seduce me Janis: Hmm, it's hardly foreplay but the first thing I wanna do after a ride is not go to the park, like Janis: save it for another day, boy Janis: so keen Jimmy: busy night this Jimmy: all I'm thinking Janis: 😏 If you can't keep up say now baby Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😂 disappoint me later, fine Jimmy: fake disappointment won't hurt Janis: had worse Jimmy: me too Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: duet Janis: lovely Jimmy: this might be too much to ask but as far as my sister goes, we're dating for real, alright Jimmy: my brother too if he speaks to you but unlikely Janis: yeah, 'course, I get it Janis: they don't need to know and you don't want them too Janis: if mine knew any boundaries I'd be the same Jimmy: tah Jimmy: they should be asleep when we get back from the pub 🤞 Jimmy: but I know better Janis: 👍 Janis: capable of not being a dick when required, honest Jimmy: disappoint me later, fine 😂 Janis: cheek Janis: i can be a dick to you all i like Janis: not actual innocent children Jimmy: You can be a dick to my dad too, as much as you like Jimmy: I encourage it Janis: Good to know Janis: like you reckoned, doubt I'm a parent pleaser Jimmy: He won't be nice to you so don't be 💔 'bout not winning him 'round Janis: s'alright, even if you gotta tell your sister we're actually dating, not like I expect your Da to buy it Jimmy: it's 'cause he'll buy it that he won't Jimmy: He's the only one allowed to look for happiness in the arms of whoever Janis: I feel you Janis: and I'm offering neither, such a shame, coulda been such good mates Jimmy: gotta get this orchestra on wheels Jimmy: me arms are tired from the in & out Janis: 😒 stamina who Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: so worried 'bout my fake stamina Jimmy: I can go all night when I'm pretending, babe Janis: 😂 whatta claim Jimmy: how do you wanna out us to the world though? Jimmy: play coy like we were pretending we didn't but still got caught or be brazen about me fake rocking your world? Janis: I don't think coy is gonna look very real after all this Janis: not saying we need to announce it to the whole world but you know Jimmy: so pub pics & morning after? Jimmy: let them do the work Janis: Exactly Jimmy: walk this fucking dog with me Jimmy: if that ain't #goals it should be so I don't have to do it Janis: it's a puppy, bitches loves puppies Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: don't know if she'd fit in a handbag Janis: do I look like I'm bringing a handbag Jimmy: just saying fuck knows if she's #goals Jimmy: too late to swap her if she ain't Janis: send me a pic Janis: you must have one Jimmy: on my phone Jimmy: why? Jimmy: hang on, maybe if one of us is also in it Janis: 💔🐶 Jimmy: [sends a pic of Twix and Bobby 'cause it'd show how old he is & how that don't add up to his behavior as has been mentioned so Janis like hmmm] Janis: Adorable Janis: Can work with that Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you want me to come in or meet you there Janis: just got into town Jimmy: meet me there, your fave barista's gone home already Janis: you don't even know which one I think is fit Janis: shameless Jimmy: Yeah I do Janis: if you say you I swear down Jimmy: ��� Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: for real though Jimmy: its Pete Janis: Which one is that? I've not read all your nametags and you swap 'em anyways #bants Jimmy: not knowing names is my thing Jimmy: try again Janis: 😒 really Jimmy: Am I right or not? Jimmy: nowt hard about the question Janis: Why's it even matter Janis: shut up Jimmy: if it don't, answer it Jimmy: you're making it more of a thing Janis: you're the one banging on about it still Jimmy: come on, Janis Janis: Fine, it's him Janis: not like that's a declaration of love Jimmy: you're not the only one who can screenshot Jimmy: can be if needs Janis: die literally Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: love you too Janis: 🖕 Janis: what was i meant to do whilst i was hanging around the other day, like Janis: rank the shitty drinks or what Jimmy: lust after pete was the only idea that landed 👌 Janis: actual idiot Jimmy: now I know I can be more like him, make things easier for you to fake Jimmy: actual idiot is top one Janis: remind me never to tell you anything ever again 😑 Jimmy: bit snide when you know loads bout me now but alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: If you wanna know anything actual, just ask Janis: you coming out with bait questions like which barista is the least offensive on the eyes so Jimmy: whatever, I don't Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Just be better at my angles than Mia Jimmy: 'cause I'm on route Janis: like it's hard Jimmy: after that 🥇 all times you Jimmy: I remember Janis: ain't offering a reminder, so good Jimmy: 💔💔💔💔 Jimmy: don't change your mind when you see how I look #awks Janis: 🙄 Please Jimmy: #pete who Janis: 💀kill me now Jimmy: if you die now you can't go to heaven by calling me pete when we fake fuck? 🎻 hang on in there, baby Janis: Literally gonna leave if you don't shut it Jimmy: tragedy Jimmy: I'm not gonna keep you against your will, not what this is Janis: getting a round out of you first, you invited me Jimmy: you can uninvite me or yourself any time Janis: behave Jimmy: 💔 too late Janis: Come on Jimmy: I don't run, I told you Jimmy: going as fast as I can Janis: the real tragedy Jimmy: not gonna make me learn the violin for real but 👌 Janis: least you don't need lungs for it Janis: fucked if you were planning to take up the sax Jimmy: #savage Janis: true though Janis: deal with it, baby Jimmy: funnily enough my life aint destroyed by a lack of sax Jimmy: change a letter & maybe Janis: alright, dad Janis: such jokes Jimmy: 😎 Jimmy: get what you pay for, rich girl Jimmy: this is my lowest tier banter like Janis: feel sorry for the poor bitches doing it just 'cos then Janis: fuck me Jimmy: start a # Jimmy: you love 'em Janis: obvs Janis: any cause Jimmy: raise enough, rehome my dog Janis: actually gonna have to call animal welfare ain't I Jimmy: yeah go on Janis: don't be heartless Janis: could get given to someone worse Jimmy: 😂 Janis: 💔 Jimmy: could get eaten by leprechauns Jimmy: cheer up, Jasmine Janis: say you love her, like Janis: go on Jimmy: why do you want me to lie to you? Jimmy: we at that stage already? Janis: yeah Janis: clearly Janis: make me feel so much better and really what's important here? Jimmy: I 💘🐶 Jimmy: screenshot it if you want Janis: Good enough Janis: and not gonna make a habit of it Jimmy: which bit, asking me to lie or taking screenshots? Janis: I meant the screenshots but I'll think about the lying Janis: Hmm Jimmy: I'm not really gonna dob you into Pete Janis: Duh, you've got nothing to say Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: but I don't wanna talk to him Jimmy: keep your sacred tools Janis: Me either Janis: shatter the illusion Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: I know what you wanna do Janis: ew Janis: i said he was fit not that Jimmy: ⬆ standards, right Janis: fuck off Jimmy: alright Jimmy: not through the doors yet so easy Janis: don't be dramatic Janis: just stop talking about him i ain't interested Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: what Jimmy: nowt Janis: alright Jimmy: 🚬 Jimmy: you coming out or staying in? Janis: gonna twos it Jimmy: is that a question or #couple goals Janis: a question, i don't think anyone's glamourized smoking in about 100 years Jimmy: I can Jimmy: If you want Janis: Yeah Janis: Go on then Jimmy: 👍

[w2soneshots]

Sorry -W2S

words: 0.6k+

warnings: angst, mentions of past breakup.

summary: during an argument Harry causes you to cry.

notes: I actually quite like this🤭. Special thanks to @teewritessmth for letting me use her idea!!🫶🏼🌟💞

I've been with Harry for just over 10 months. We met in a bar, he asked for my number and a month later I was his girlfriend. Recently he's been ridiculously busy with sidemen filming, meetings, golf and I just feel slightly alone in our relationship. Yesterday he said he'd come round to my apartment to see me as I've barely even spoke to him in the last week, but last minute he bailed, saying he was "tired after filming all day." I understand but it really pissed me off. In the past month I've heard an abundance of excuses as to why he can't come and see me or why I can't go to his apartment. Not to mention we have been on like maximum of two dates this month and those were quick ones for lunch at Nando's.

Today he promised that he'd come round so I took a shower, dried and styled my hair, did my makeup, got dressed and tidied my apartment all before he was due to finish his meeting. "Just left. I'll be at yours in 20" he texted me. "Ok see you soon x" I replied.

There was a knock on my apartment door a little while later. I quickly shot up off the couch to let him in. "Hey!" I said with a bright smile as I stepped aside. He returned with a quick smile then pulled me into a hug without a word. "You ok?" I asked as he pulled away. "Ye, fine." He said plainly then went to sit on the couch.

I quickly followed him. "What's up with you?" I pressed. "What- nothing." He replied. "It's not nothing. You've been practically avoiding me for the past month, I've barely seen you!" I stated with annoyance in my voice. He stood up to stand in front of me "I told you I've been busy." He said slightly raising his voice. I sighed "I know," I turned around "do you- do you even love me anymore?" I asked. "What- I- of course I love you?" He said "Why would you say that?" I turned back around to face him with tears streaming down my face, his eyes widened. "It doesn't seem like it." I said, my voice shaking slightly. His face softened and he took a step forward. I stepped back.

"y/n I- I'm sorry I-" he started "I really do love you, of course I do, you're beautiful, kind, funny, my family love you, Herb loves you-" I giggled lightly and Harry smiled "I'm sorry, I just- I-" my brows furrowed and I nodded my head insinuating for him to go on, he gulped then took a deep breath "me and my ex we're together for five years and I- I thought that I was gonna spend the rest of my life with her but then she broke up with me and it just felt like I wasted five years with the wrong person. I just love you so much and I got scared that you'd do the same thing she did to me." He looked down to his feet. I stepped towards him and placed my hands on his cheeks, bringing his eyes up to look in mine. "I would never do that to you Haz. I love you too much, you're stuck with me." I said softly with a jokey tone for the last part. His eyes lit up, and he laughed lightly. He grabbed me and pulled me into a strong hug as if I was going to disappear. "Now can we watch David Attenborough?" I asked as we pulled away. He giggled, then lifted me into a fireman style carry. I shrieked as he ran over and plopped me on the couch.