#i'll catch up on sleep when i am dead
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calpicowater · 2 years ago
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Week 5.5/52: January 30th - February 5th 2023 | Calgary in iPhone 14 Pro 🍎
After being clocked in for 51 hours for the week, I went to meet up with Tiffany. A YYC work trip is not complete without meeting her tbh hehehe. Went to eat Moon Korean BBQ and we just ordered rice cake hot pot HAHAHA. It was very delicious although quite overpriced. Def want to try their bbq in the future. Also tried their yogurt ade and it was yum! Ended off the day with Calgary skyline at Scotman’s Hill LOL. It’s so pretty! 
This is the only slightly positive post about this trip that’s so sad lol...
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ame-to-ame · 5 months ago
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:|
#i am not gods strongest soldier#she'll talk to someone who will say stuff like you're useless to her and take it fine but. she won't even stand to be in the same room w me#what difference is it to be being in your room playing games with the same people all the time vs. like idk.#aren't you just transferring who you're dependent on. is the difference just the level of commitment. you feel like you can leave whenever#nothing's changed really somehow. you're still doing the same things you did while back then. just that you also avoid me.#and god i don't know. i tell myself I'll care less I'll get over it it is what it is and i try so hard to be busy and not think abt it#but i can't sleep w/o watching something these days or else it's on my mind and that's been shit for my sleep quality#it's the first thing that pops up in my mind when i wake up. i get distracted in class sometimes by it. it's not like i can control it#it's just like the more you try to not think abt sth the more it comes up type of deal.#and I'm trying so hard but i think this is legitimately. gonna make me spiral and I'm trying my best to have a grip and not go there#i have things I'm looking forward to and I'm supposed to b having fun but it's hard when. There's that looming in the back of your head.#ugh ok rational choice let's go. i don't try to talk to her: we don't talk. she doesn't try to talk to me. i suffer in silence.#maybe I'll get over it find something new that feels like a safehouse but that's a big if. and idk how long i can hold on for#i try to talk to her: maybe it could go well? but maybe she'll just get more avoidant#i don't really get it it's like she can respond and laugh to stuff i say when in a group setting but she gets so guarded when it's just me#like subconsciously you know I'm not a threat you can allow yourself to have fun around me.#but you're consciously putting a guard up around me and reinforcing the negative feelings when it's just me#god. i don't. but. at least it sounds like she's happy for now so. that's all i ask for. if she doesn't want to see me i don't show up#i want to see her but. i mean. There's really no compromise or middle ground here.#they say time heals everything but it's already been so long. i don't even know why I'm still attached. she's like a different person.#the person i loved appears every now and then just never in front of me and I'm trying my best but I've never been good with loss#how do you come to terms with something being dead and alive at the same time. how do you make up the mind to drive the nail in the casket.#i can't make myself put it into the dirt when i catch a glimpse of the person i once knew. that hasn't changed for anyone else. just me.#vent#delete later
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cherrysweets-world · 8 days ago
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Eyes of the Gods III
series masterlist - part IV
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Pairing: Caracalla x fem!Reader x Geta
Summary: You are forced to leave all previous tasks behind and focus solely on the Emperors. They will have it no other way.
Warnings: 18+, mentions of domestic violence, dead parents, forced proximity, power imbalances, period-typical sexism, eventually dub-con, possessive behavior, toxic relationships
Word Count: 3k
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The walk back to your shared room was miserable. Initially you thought it was the events of the past few hours catching up to you but your condition had only worsened by the time you reached your room. Fear and hopelessness had been replaced by the most pounding of headaches and you could hardly stay upright.
The walls seemed to warp and swell beneath your hands as you leaned on them for support. Head swimming, you pushed open the door and staggered to your bed. The straw seemed more uncomfortable than usual but you were grateful for a flat surface to lie upon.
The room smelt clean but even that made you nauseous. Alba, your friend, sat upon her own bed and wore nearly identical clothing to yours. She was handier with a needle and thread than you and so hers were better kept. Alba was, altogether, a more skilled worker than you. Many were! You did not feel as though you stood out. So why had this happened to you rather than someone else?
Her fingers worried the lightly frayed edges, dark eyes gazing at you with increasing concern.
"I heard what happened," she said, coming to stand beside you. "Did they do this?"
"No," you groaned, "this is a sickness, the one that has had half the slaves and workers out."
Alba stepped back. You could hardly blame her. It had taken the lives of several of the elderly slaves and it was a chore to endure. Lady Lucilla had been struck down by it and forced to remain here at the palace to recover rather than endure the journey home.
"I need to pack," you hissed, heaving yourself into an upright position. "I can't handle this right now."
The floor felt cool on the bottom of your feet. You slid from your lumpy bed and pressed as much of your skin against it as you could. It was a small relief.
The main symptoms were nausea, vertigo and headaches. You had at least two of the three. Fine one moment and almost incapacitated the next. That was to be expected when the majority of people lived in such close quarters. Even the masters were not immune.
Tomorrow you would know the full extent of it. Some had speedy recoveries, others suffered for at least a week.
"I do not have the time," you said aloud.
"Time for what?" Alba asked. "Pack for what?"
You let your head fall back onto the bed, stray pieces of straw poking your skull and getting tangled in your hair. A garbled laugh managed to claw it's way up your throat. "I am rising in the world, Alba. I am to serve the emperors directly."
You could not bring yourself to look up to see her face. What would you see? Pity? Sadness? Jealousy, even? Just because you were not happy did not mean that there were not others who would claw your face off to be in your position.
A hand ghosted over your hair. "I'll let the kitchen master know that you are ill. Try to rest."
The door opened and shut with the softest of sounds. Alba probably thought that she would never see you again. She and the other two would have to sleep elsewhere tonight and you would likely be gone come morning.
Truth be told, you did not have much to pack. Three garments identical to the one you were wearing. You picked the two cleanest and left the other. If what Caracalla had said was true then you would no longer need them. Several leather ties littered the floor beside you and you scooped those up, dropping them on top of your folded garments. They were handy for keeping your hair from your face.
Finally, your prized possession. To retrieve it you had to stuff your hand into your straw mattress, fumbling about until your fingers closed around something solid. You pulled it out with effort and clasped it gently to your chest.
It was a carved wooden figure of a wolf, head tilted back as if howling at the moon. The most intricate features were worn away and, truthfully, if you did not already know it was a wolf then you would not have been able to tell. It had been made by your grandfather, a man who you had never known, and passed to your mother. Eventually it had made it’s way to you.
It was perhaps the only thing that had evaded your father's destructive path. Your childhood home had been small and nothing else had avoided his open hands or fists. Including you and your mother.
In your mind they were both dead, though you had only seen your mother's battered body. After that you had left, using the cover of night to conceal yourself. It had served you well up until recently. There was nowhere you could go to avoid the will of man.
There was little point in hiding the wolf, really. It did not seem the sort of thing that would appeal to anyone else. Still, night after night, you found yourself sliding it into the spiky bedding and nodding off on top of it. Your own little secret. Yours and your mothers.
You tucked it between your tunics, out of sight once more. You could not leave it behind.
Sweat formed on your brow and you swiped it away with the back of your hand. The emperors expected you ready and waiting tomorrow morning. That now seemed unlikely but you would not know for certain until then. With a groan, you eased yourself back up onto your bed.
You wondered exactly how angry they would be if you were unable to be there the next morning. You allowed yourself to entertain the thought for exactly one minute and then shoved it away. There was no use in thinking such things now and it certainly wouldn't aid your recovery.
All you could do was sleep. Once again, faced with your complete lack of options, you allowed yourself the illusion of choice and let your eyes fall shut.
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The room was still pitch black when you awoke. It did not alarm you at first. Your headache was still present but seemed to have lessened. Your aching limbs were sprawled across your straw mattress, almost as if they were trying to get away from your body.
Blinking slowly, you glanced about and tried to think about what had awoken you. The scuffle of feet, the sound of the door opening and closing? One of your friends likely had come back to fetch something they needed.
You groaned and shifted, attempting to get back to sleep. A warm had closed around your ankle and you shrieked, jerking your head up from the mattress.
"Shhh, poor, sick girl," came a voice from the foot of your bed.
"Emperor Caracalla?" you whispered into the dark. Even as you said it, part of you thought it was impossible. A hallucination caused by your fever. The emperors never came to the lower parts of the palace, they had no need. How could Caracalla be here now, in your room, in the dark?
"I wanted to know why you did not come."
The room was too dark to see properly despite your eyes trying to adjust. It was him. His hand was still firmly on your ankle. You were not sure whether it was you or him radiating that feverish warmth.
"I am sick, Emperor, and it is not yet morning," you tried to slip your ankle from his grasp, "you shouldn't be -"
Caracalla finally let go of you but only to ease himself further onto the bed, curling himself around your legs. You dare not breathe, hands opening and closing beside you. There was nothing you could do. This was not just any man, this was the Emperor. There was probably several Praetorian guards outside your door right now. You had never been safer or in more danger in your life.
"I know what it is to be sick," his voice was raspy, hands wandering over your lower legs, "and now, so do you. We understand each other. We can trust each other."
Your sickness was not the same as the one that plagued Caracalla, that much you knew. Some disease of the mind infected him, leaving him at times vulnerable and then violent. You should have felt scared; instead you felt pity.
Trepidation still had a tight grip on your insides. The Emperor had gone so far as to seek you out in the middle of one of his episodes. Every time you dared to dream that you could go back to being another faceless servant you were struck by reality.
"Emperor Caracalla," you murmured, gently wrapping your hands around his upper arms, "I only do not wish to make you sick. I helped you stay safe before, remember?"
"Yes," he answered, staring up at you in the dark. His skin was cool beneath your touch. It was much cooler in this part of the palace. You did not know what things triggered Caracalla's illness, what made it worsen and then seemingly get better. You did not want to find out.
"I want to make you safe again," you said, urging him up and off the bed. He seemed to be wearing the same clothes as when you had last seen him. "Come with me, Emperor."
Caracalla did not respond but he did as you asked. It was an effort to get yourself to the door. When you opened it you were greeted by six Praetorians, more than you expected. You tried not to feel overly self conscious in your night clothes.
The looked at you with the same curious look everyone had been giving you for the last few days. As if they were wondering what it was about you that had earned the attention of the emperors and why you weren't dead yet.
"Please," you begged, "can you deliver the Emperor safely back to his rooms? See that he gets ready for bed?"
There was a beat of silence and you wondered if you would have to drag yourself up the stairs and see to Caracalla yourself. You had no power over them and they had no obligation to take requests from you.
"Please, I just don't want to get him sick."
The one closest gave you a tight nod. None of them said anything but they helped Caracalla out from behind you. The hallway was well lit and he squinted in the torchlight, looking lost and confused. Guilt swarmed you and you debated forcing yourself up the stairs. It seemed as though he got worse at night. The man standing before you did not look like an Emperor but a boy. It was difficult to remember all the blood and terror he caused and relished in.
"Emperor Caracalla," you tried to smile, "I'll be there tomorrow but we both need rest."
He only nodded, face flickering through a variety of expressions as if not sure which one to settle on. One of the guards cleared his throat and that seemed to bring Caracalla out of whatever stupor he was in. He turned and went with them, glancing over his shoulder as he went until he disappeared from sight.
You let the door fall shut and crawled back into bed. If you were not so exhausted you would have felt angry with yourself. Yes, Caracalla was sick, but slaves and workers fell sick all the time. It was true that you had been oblivious to the full extent of Caracalla's issues. These nightly episodes were not something most people knew about. But you had seen the worse types of injuries and illnesses in your few years at the palace and yet - you felt sorry for him.
Swiping a hand over your face, you squeezed your eyes closed and tried not to think too much about how gently he had touched you or how vulnerable he had looked. You no longer understood yourself.
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The next morning arrived quickly. Apart from an aching in your joints, you felt fine. Last night felt like a dream brought on by the fever. All your nights recently felt that way. You gathered your meager possessions and left your room for the last time.
There was a guard waiting outside your door to escort you to the emperors.
"Have they been waiting long?" you said, alarmed.
He only shook his head and angled his body to allow you in front of him. You glanced uncertainly over your shoulder.
"I'll tell you where to go," he barked.
You pressed your lips together and nodded. It made you uncomfortable to have him at your back. It felt as though he did not trust that you would not run away if he took his eyes off of you.
Weary, you followed his directions. Like before, the décor and furnishings got finer and finer the closer you got to the emperors. Apart from the servants quarters every part of the imperial palace was richly decorated but it was something different entirely in the emperor's quarters.
Even the doors were bigger and more ornate. Dusted with gold paint and displaying the finest carvings. Again, you felt small and insignificant. The Praetorians pushed the doors open and you walked in, hands twisted tightly in your tunics.
The room was heavily perfumed but the scent wasn't unbearable. It helped clear your thoughts as you walked in, helped you focus on what was before you now rather than what you had been forced to leave behind. Bitterness and anger would do you no good here.
Geta stood alone behind a desk. It was covered in papers and small trinkets. Trinkets that probably cost more than you had earned in your entire life. He played idly with a rounded crystal, eyes flickering up as you entered the room.
The Praetorians marched out after he acknowledged them, leaving just you and him alone. They obviously felt no concern over leaving you alone with the emperor. It made you feel pathetic.
"I thought you were sick," he said slowly.
"I was."
"I suppose I am fortunate to have you standing before me now," he leered.
You did not respond.
"I heard that my brother visited you last night," he continued. "He is still asleep now. Seems that you wore him out."
You cringed at the implication. "I comforted him. That is all."
"You say that like it is a small task," he said bluntly.
You opened your mouth and closed it again. His words verged on a compliment but not quite.
"I am happy to be of service," you finally said.
"I am sure that you are," he laughed. "There are clothes for you over there. Take off those rags and change."
Geta was suddenly in front of you, ripping your belongings from your arms and tossing them onto the floor. It would have been fine but your carving clattered across the marble, drawing his attention immediately. You almost went scrambling after it, horrified and embarrassed.
"What is this?" he spat, face twisting as he bent down to pick it up.
"A carving," you admitted. "It's mine. I did not steal it, I brought it with me."
Geta held it up to the light as though that would help him make better sense of it. "Your father made this?"
"No," you answered with enough venom that Geta glanced over at you. "No, Emperor. My grandfather made it and my mother gave it to me."
You winced at the careful way he examined you. It felt as though he was able to infer everything about you just from your responses. The wooden carving looked laughable in his pale hands; a stark contrast to the rich colours and jewellery he was adorned with.
He seemed almost amused. That was better than anger, at least. His expression was strangely open as he examined your treasure, twisting it every which way in his hands. It looked ridiculously fragile when he held it.
"You like carvings, then?" he said slowly. You sagged with relief as he held it out to you, cupping your hands so that he could drop it into them.
"I like this one," you said. You bent down and picked up one of your tunics, placing the carving into the centre of it and then wrapping it carefully.
"I am fond of them myself," he offered, watching you carefully.
Your eyes snapped to his, surprised at his omission. Geta seemed surprised himself and he turned back to his desk.
"I ordered you to change!" he snapped, storming back to his desk.
Again, he busied himself with his paper and trinkets but something seemed performative about his actions.
At first you had thought that you could learn and adapt to the emperors. With how unpredictable their moods were it now seemed impossible. Their differences and similarities were also difficult to keep track of. What one found amusing made the other irritable.
Hopes of surviving seemed dim but you would try nonetheless. Your mother tried until she couldn’t and you would do the same.
Clutching your belongings to your chest, you headed in the direction he indicated. There were several togas and stolas laid out. You had never worn anything with such color before. Nothing quite so soft either. You glanced up to see if Geta was looking. His gaze was fixed on his desk. You squirmed out of your toga and into your new clothes, trying not to feel as though you were shedding your previous life.
Geta met your eyes when you yanked the toga over your head. Of course he had looked the entire time. It had been naive to think he wouldn't. He was regularly surrounded by concubines and simpering senators that obeyed his every whim. The emperor felt as though looking upon your body was his right. Maybe it was.
His throat worked as though he about to offer some cruel quip or comment. You braced yourself for what would surely be a crushing blow. It was not that you were especially insecure about your body but privacy was a luxury you had gotten somewhat used to. Now it was just another thing that had been stolen from you.
He tilted his chin up. "Pour me wine."
"Of course, Emperor," you bent your head and did as you were told.
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Authors Note: please please leave notes, reblogs & comments if you enjoyed!! I appreciate every single one of you♥️
taglist - @only4thefics @doodle-with-rhy @lover-rep-fanfic @claraisme23 @sashaphantomhive @multifandombtch @delicioushottubpeanut
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bohnerrific69 · 2 months ago
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WASTING TIME? ノ EKKO
pairing: alternative!ekko x fem!reader
blurb — theme/content: fluff. "angst" if you squint? idk. reader has fomo (fear of missing out) implied. it's ekko from s2 ep7. ꒰ word count: 960 ꒱
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"babe?..." you said as appeared on ekko's room door, seeing him sat in front of his desk with a million papers above, his inventor plan of attack as he liked to call. he was resting his face in one of his hands while his elbows were resting on the table and its papers.
"hm? yes miss? whatcha need?" he rubbed his eyes and mumbled without looking at you, from far away you could notice a little smile appearing on his face, making yourself smile too knowing that his one it was because of your presence. it was like this since your relationship started, being on the same tune, contagious.
"you done? i mean... doesn't look very done to me, but..." you replied while getting steps closer to his desk, contouring his body just to being up behind him, leaning down to put support your hands on his shoulders. "just checkin' you up.”
"ah, i think i am really on the final steps to conclude this... am only securing it all goes fine," ekko muttered concentrated doing some more scribbles, at the same time using his left hand to catch one of yours from his shoulders, bringing it closer to his face so he could kiss the inner palm of your hand, making you smile. "besides... why the shawty is awakened this hour?”
"aah i- i missed you on the bed, the usual..." you yawned lazily and leaned all your body on his, being with your chin above his head and arms wrapped around his neck. his body heat was radiating and smelling so good as he took a bath some minutes before, making you sniff his hair just to feel the loveable coconut shampoo smell that you buyed for him.
“i am managing my time very well lately and the project is in the dead end, this time it's the only last time i'll be overworking, ‘kay?” he giggled at your sniffing on his hair, at this point it turned out to become common you doing this, it was cute; lifting his head to look at you, endened giving you free access to kiss his forehead, as you should and did.
“i know… i just can't sleep because of that thing,” you pointed out with your chin the blackboard on the wall with various drawings about this new invention. “i don't want to not be here when you finish this…,” you sighed, catching a chair nearby and sitting really close at ekko's side.
your sudden change from a tired expression to a worried and sadden one was not missed by him, who quickly dropped his pencil at the desk and turned his torso to look at you directly with those frowned big eyes so sweet of him. “babe? what is wrong? you- you don't need to worry about that.”
“nah… just some bullshits passing through my mind… i'm tired, only that.” you looked away from his gaze and scratched your forehead, squirming on the chair a little to see if it could make you comfortable to talk about the subject. it wasn't helping, you're not the kind of person who likes to talk about serious things like this. always praying and hoping for better days, trying to ignore the rocks life throws at you, till you reach the limit and suddenly explodes as a tiny thing goes wrong. like this you wouldn’t worry anyone but only yourself.
“hey, i know when something is wrong with you…” but of course he knew, ekko being your best friend who turn out to be your boyfriend, always being a great observant to notice every detail of you, and care about each one of them. that's why it was so easy for you to fall for him. 
“it's that thing we talked about before?” he asked while softly catched your chin with one of his hands to make you lock eyes with him, he looked so worried and still so caringly about you, it made your butterflies on the stomach do flips. “y-yeah… it's making me anxious…”
“hey, you’re not- you don't lose anything not being here when i finish this…,” he fixed his posture on the chair, quickly catching your hand and intertwining your fingers. “i promised you that everything that i create, you will be the first eyes besides mine that will appreciate it when finished. just because it's not your thang to understand inventions, or not being here when i end those things… doesn't mean you're less of a girlfriend or bad person.”
ekko was so damn comprehensible with everyone, and mainly you, that it made you heart aches everytime you had every time you had a moment of low self-esteem and your anxiety spoke louder. but he was always so careful and always knew what to say to calm and reassure you, how can you not love him?
“and not to forget too, you're never gonna not be enough for me, never. you heard me?” you felt that warm and asphyxiating feeling gathering on your throat wanting to cry but holded enough and only sighed tired, giving him an agreeing smile. “i know… i'm sorry for-” 
“don't need to apologize babe, i understand you…” he pulled you to make you sit on his lap, hugging your waist, making you feel safe. “life is stressing me out these days ekko, but… you make it better,” you mumbled on his neck, hugging him back and closing your eyes.
“i love you” he replied, by the proximity you could know and feel that he was smiling. “i love you more” and now you too.
(...)
after spending some minutes staying like this you happened to start sleeping, there, on ekko’s arms and lap while he continued finishing his invention, feeling safe, loved and enough.
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a/n: this was writed only for satisfy myself! i love him so much, i'm so enchanted. ngl, write the universe from s2 ep7 it's easy for me😭 he's still the same but i love how there's no conflicts around. this is the actually the third writing piece i post here, i hope you enjoyed and it's not ooc, writed this while almost sleeping + english is not my first language. (i edited this ekko image here.
tagging some mutuals to boost the post! sorry for the bothering. 🤍 @strawb3rrystar @marchsfreakshow @wcnderlnds @decaf-mother @jazzy-reads @mistysconcilium | join my taglist here.
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booksandmemes · 2 months ago
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Till, texting: Ivan, will you please go to sleep? Ivan, texting back: What makes you think you didn’t just wake me up? Till, yelling: I CAN HEAR YOU CLAPPING TO THE FRIENDS THEME EVERY TWENTY MINUTES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO TO SLEEP! --- Mizi: Sua, we're hungry! Till: Sua! What's for dinner? Ivan: We're hungry, Sua! Sua, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams* --- Till: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong? Mizi: Strong. Hyuna: Weak. Luka: An idiot, is what your are. --- Hyuna: I would do anything for money. *later* Hyuna, covered in blood: THE STATEMENT STILL STANDS! --- Luka: My goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me. Mizi: YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT EVERY TIME YOU BEAT ME TO ONE OF MY FRIENDS DYING! --- Till: I met this person on tinder and asked for his last name. He sent it to me and went “Doing a little background check? You might find out I’m a stalker, just ignore that” with a kissy wink emoji. I thought alright so good sense of humor. Till: I looked him up, he was a stalker. --- Mizi: I’m in love with you. Sua: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork. Mizi: I know. Sua: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool- --- Hyuna: You call it 'bad at darts'. I call it 'freestyle'. Bartender: I'll have to ask you to leave. --- Mizi: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one of those. Luka: Break their 'undying trust' and test if it's really that immortal. --- Till: The food is too hot. I can't eat it. Ivan: You're pretty hot but I'd eat you anytime. Till: Ivan: Sua: Just ONE DINNER- --- Luka: I feel awful about killing you. Sua: *dead* Luka: Even though technically I never even did it, so I don’t know what everyone's bitching about. --- Luka: I got grounded for a whole week just because I came home late. Hyuna: Well, you deserved it. I mean, getting everyone's hopes up like that and then showing up again. --- Comments under an image of a really hot knife cutting bread* Till: Imagine stabbing someone with this knife. Ivan: It would instantly cauterize the wound, the person wouldn't bleed, so it's not very useful. Hyuna: if you want information it is Mizi: why would you STAB a person when you can have TOAST? --- Mizi: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me? Luka: It isn’t smirking at anyone, you’re all just imagining it. Sua: Three of us saw it, Luka. How do you explain that? Luka: *points at Till* Sleep deprivation. *points at Sua* Paranoia. *points at Ivan* Delusional personality disorder. --- Sua: If I fall… Mizi: I’ll be there to catch you. Till: *looks at Ivan* What if I fall? Ivan: Then I’ll fall with you, never leaving your side. Luka: *watches these two interactions* Luka, to Hyuna: And if I fall? Hyuna: I’ll be the one who pushed you.
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splatashahowlett · 6 months ago
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missing piece
logan (james) howlett x reader
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the record player was playing One piece at a time, your favorite song, occasionally letting out a soft sound of scratching against the vinyl. the bar was crowded and everybody seemed to have a good time. the 70's may become your favorite decade. you've been alive for over a hundred years now but you liked everything about this era; the music, the clothes and the recklessness of it.
you were currently seated at the bar, drinking whatever the bartender had offered you. the guy had been hitting on you all evening, and you figured that free drinks couldn't hurt since your healing factor would keep you from getting drugged. you liked the attention anyway, your ex lover had disappeared on a random tuesday and never came back home. it had been four years since you had last seen him, you weren't mad at him anymore, but more at yourself for thinking a man could keep his promises. so some compliments were always welcomed.
you were watching people dance, the festive atmoshpere filling a void in your chest. whenever you felt alone you would go to a bar, or a pub just to feel something. in those places, time seemed to stop, you could be invisible. nobody cared about you or asked anything from you. sometimes you would dance with a random girl or guy and end up in their motel room just to sneak out the second they fell alseep. you were conscious that this lifestyle wasn't for everybody. in fact, you didn't enjoy it in the slightest. but you didn't have a choice. you didn't have any family anymore, and the only person that counted took off 4 years ago. you didn't work and your only hobby was drinking. you weren't living, but barely surviving. but with time you get used to it, right?
right as when you were about to get up to dance, someone sat next to you. too close for your liking. you turned your head and were met with a drunk looking guy, staring at you like you were some piece of meat. you gave him a look that meant "get the fuck out of here and leave me alone" but he didn't seem to want to comply.
"hello pretty girl, need some company?" he said, or at least that's what you understood. his breath hit your nose and you almost threw up; your heightened senses could really be a pain in the ass sometimes.
"go fuck yourself" you said, walking toward the back door. the guy following you.
"I think I'll need some help with that, my girl" he said, trying to catch up with you. you ignored him, or at least he thought so, and went through the back door, making sure he was still behind you. once you found yourself in a small alley, you grabbed him by the collar and pushed him brutally against the wall.
"I am not your girl" you threatened. the dickhead tried to answer but with your hands on his throat the task seemed more difficult than usual. you hated this petname, it reminded you of things you wanted to forget. you let go of him, letting him fall to the ground and kicked him in the stomach. that wasn't necessary but he deserved it.
you went back inside, planning on gathering your things and then finding a place to sleep. you folded your jacket on your arm and put your pack of cigarettes in your pocket. but as you turned toward the door, your heart stopped. a familiar face looking at you from the crowd. at first you thought you were hallucinating, the fucker was dead. you hoped he would be. it would hurt less. but when he started coming closer you scoffed.
you couldn't do it without a drink, so you sat back and asked for straight tequila. you missed this vanishing feeling the night procured you.
logan sat next to you and asked for a drink. you refused to look at him. you wanted to punch him in the face, alright maybe you were still a little mad at him. seeing him here, and so close to you made you mad. you wanted to kill and kiss him.
"I missed you" he said, looking afar. out of all the things he could have said you weren't expecting this. you scoffed and tightened your grip on your drink.
"shut your damn mouth" you gritted through your teeth, still holding onto your drink for dear life. you had imagined what it would be like to see him again and promised to yourself that you would tell him you moved on and leave him speechless. you never thought you still loved him so deeply. you hated how he made you feel, you hated feeling weak. but you loved everything else about him, and if feeling vulnerable was the price to pay to be with him then you wouldn't think twice about it.
"I didn't have a choice" he added, this made your blood boil. you knew he was telling the truth and you had already forgave him, you just needed to hear him say it. you didn't say anything, didn't ask about the reason of his departure. you kept your mouth shut, hoping he would take the hint and leave. no you didn't want him to leave, you wanted him to think that you wanted him to leave.
"I’m sorry” he muttered. this was your last straw, your glass broke between you fingers, shards of glass flying all over the counter and cutting into your hand. you jumped, startled at your own doing. logan reached for your hand immediately but you moved it away before he could even brush it.
"fuck you" was the last thing you said before running to the bathroom. your healing factor was already pushing the glass out of your flesh but it still hurt as hell.
“let me help you” you hadn’t even hear him coming in. you smiled, amused at the situation. you terribly wanted to give him your hand but your pride told you otherwise.
“why are you here?” you whispered, almost scared that if you spoke louder he would disappear.
“I told you, I miss you”.
“of course you do, that's why you came back so quickly” you said, washing the blood off your hand. “I just know you were bored to death without me" you joked, trying to ease the tension.
logan approached and slowly put his hands on your waist, your back facing him. he then delicately planted his chin on your shoulder. “I know you won’t believe me when I tell you I did this to protect you and that’s fair but I need you by my side, I need my girl” you swore you heard a sob in his voice. you looked up, staring at your reflection in the mirror, you could see logan’s head next to yours he was looking at you. this was the first time you’ve look into his eyes since he left. and they felt like home.
you turned around slowly, facing him. you hands claimed back their place on either side of his face. wiping his tears. seeing logan cry was rare, extremely rare. you felt your heart broke at the sight. he put his hands on yours and closed his eyes, enjoying how your touch felt like after so many years. nothing changed, not his love for you nor what he felt around you.
“let me take you home” he begged
“where?”
“doesn’t matter, home is whenever I’m with you”
you knew that your james was telling the truth, and you knew that you still loved each other.
"I need time, james" you answered, even if your mind was already made you had some self respect. you were about to say something else but logan beat you to it:
“I love you” he breathed.
you kissed him passionately, making up for all the lost kisses.
"I love you most"
you were still upset about what he did, but at the end of the day, you knew he did it for a good reason and that it hurt him maybe even more than it did you, and you certainly couldn’t imagine life without him.
you both cried into the kiss, silently promising to always be on each other's side.
"come on, let's get out of here"
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threepandas · 5 months ago
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Bad End: We Are
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Senatus was a ecumenopolis. The "shining jewel" (yeah, right) of the Galactic Core. Please. Like? Maybe it was! If you were RICH AS FUCK. I don't know. I'VE never seen the towers. The heights. Most people haven't. Street level? Is about FIVE HUNDRED FLOORS DOWN. And the UNDERGROUND? Speak not of it.
The Underground GROWS.
What was street level today, may not be tomorrow. Levels buried under "progress" as the rich grow ever higher. The Tox levels ever worse. Air quality dropping. Why fix the peasant's poverty and despair, when you can buy a Sky garden you'll never use? And yes, I AM bitter as a Buirian fish ration. Just as salty too. Taste the SEA, motherfuckers.
Rent? Who can AFFORD rent!? Who can afford ANYTHING?!
It's some BULLSHIT.
But me? I remembered. A life. Before this one. Before the millennium of slow, drip drip drip erosion of duty and dues. Back when people still REMEMBERED what they were OWED. And when folks in power failed to pay up? Ffffuck um. Take it. Our house now, motherfuckers. Diplomacy was a courtesy not a weakness.
....I make people nervous, honestly.
Probably why I keep getting fired. That and my constantly reporting people to regulatory boards. Maybe don't break the LAW if you don't want to get in trouble you SHITS. Fuck you! Yes, I stole your fancy office chair. PROVE IT. You don't know how the security system works!
Where was I? Ah, right. Rent.
Fuck Rent.
Thing is? What! Is a biodome? If not an enclosed system, regulated by machines, for optimal habitability? And! What? Is an Deep Underground Level? Long forgotten? Abandoned, if you will~, if not? A complete enclosed environment? Does someone OWN them? Yes. Technically. But are they MAINTAINING them? CHECKING on them? Nope!
Common knowledge, after all, says that EVERYTHING down their is "beyond salvaging"!
Free Real Estate~☆
I just need some supplies. Which? Cheaper in the long run then RENT. Especially if ya' salvage um. Maybe steal some tool sets from your shitty, shitty Mechanics job, because your boss refuses to pay you. Who can say? Not me! I just FOUND these tools! Like maaaagic~
And really, one man's junk? Another man's treasure. I pay more then the trash company. Hit up the right cleaning companies? And? Oops. They've "lost" some of those SUPER broken righ folks "junk" that? At best? Just needed a few wires replaced, resecured. Maybe a new part. Or were, you know, not the latest and greatest anymore.
Shove it all in a storage locker? Sell the refurb'd shit I don't need? Sleep in a glorified shoebox? And?? Bam. Operation "fuck ya'll, i'ma moleman" is a go. It takes FOREVER to find the right WILDLY out of date (and long abandoned) lift, but I find it! Hidden away in a service area in some crumbling, forgotten corner of what once was a rail station.
Gonna have to fix THAT up too. Later, though. First? The lift. The wires are brittle and the lift's pully system is half rusted, frozen, or otherwise broken. Luckily, the car itself is fine. It... takes a bit of research. Not going to lie. It's far from my specialty. I even call in a professional to go over my work.
They catch a few things. Not immediate concerns, but would have been fatal in the long run. Money well spent. For my hobby, of course. Fixing up old bits of the city. Which is a weird but not impossible hobby to have.
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies, my dude.
First thing down? Lights, melter, and duraplast sheets. Toolkit too, for obvious reasons. Same with my full body hazard suit. I go DEEP. Like... no longer can hear the city, deep. 'Bout halfway point. Takes nearly thirty minutes. And while not a fast lift? Holy SHIT, man.
The floor I step out into is... bad.
Dead in a way that's hard to explain. There's pressure against my suit. Centuries of heavy gasses slowly working their way down. Swirling in the silence. The dust and impossible dark. My headlight feels almost... sacrilegious. Dangerous. Like I'm waving a flashlight around some ancient burial ground, filled with the not so restful dead.
I had heard... that they? Just... just LEFT droids down here. That there were levels upon levels of dangerously feral machines. Slowly rotting away in the darkness. Probably rightfully angry, that they had been built to serve, to do duties, which they HAD done... only to be consigned to hell on earth for the sake of CONVENIENCE.
I'd be mad too. Fucking LIVID. Would remember and hate, never let it go.
This was no place of honor, it was a tomb.
Still, I got too work. Set up a light by the lift and started measuring out the original air box. The air cleaners could only handle so much. And THIS? This was worse then expected. So it'd have to be smaller then originally planned. Fair enough. I could work with that.
I outlined the space in lights. All the better to make it easier to put things up. Then got the folded later and started securing the duraplast. First step, get it up. THEN melt it to the metal. Get a good seal. It took... a while. Was slow, steady, sweaty work.
The filters couldn't run until they had a an enclosed space TO run in. They'd just blow out, trying to filter the whole level's toxic atmosphere. I kept an eye on my air supply. Not great, not terrible. The readings though? Horrific. I had no idea what I was gonna DO with the filters when they needed changing. These kind of chemicals would set off all SORTS of alarms.
But? No use, rushing things. That was a great way to get a fatal leak somewhere. No. Slow and steady. Even though, third of the way through, I did have to head back up. I needed to refill my air. Eat. Drink. Maybe de-stink a little, from being in that suit all day. Possibly nap near the lift.
ALSO? Update my shopping list to include some heavy duty neutralizers.
Just filters wasn't gonna be enough. I was gonna have to hose down everything INSIDE my new air-box, then scrub it HARD. How fun. Well, it's not like anyone was making me do this. It was MY mad idea, after all.
So? I refuel, get bright eyed and fuckin' perky, and go back down to face the beast.
Honestly I should have brought a telebook or something. Well, audio book. But that's not what they call um these days, so I try to stick to the lingo. I sound less like a deeply insane antique. Confuse less people. Joys of basic communication and all that.
Part of me? Wishes I had been born closer to "The Plot". Creation's specialist, most favored, Blorbos. But? The common SENSE in me? Routinely laughs hysterically as it waves fifteen different restraining orders and a crucifix. Not even religious. Yet here we are, shouting "BEGONE! Sataaaaan!" in HD, on the inside of my head. Not sure it helps.
See... it's the fucking DRAMA~☆™
The shear, unmitigated, high octane, Otome Game DRAMA.
I would fuckin DIE or, possibly and, kill somebody. The endless string of selfish, selfish, poor life choices? Driving by luuuuuuv~♡? Give me your spleen. Gonna beat somebody unconscious with their own SPINE. I RAGE. Lack of communication? No one just picking up a fucking PHONE? God forbid ANYONE tell their families their not DEAD IN A DITCH SOMEWHERE!
No. No just inconvenience EVERYBODY and RUIN LIVES. It's okay! You're in LOVE!
That makes EVERYTHING BETTER.
I would inevitably launch them all out an airlock. Spend the rest of my life in jail. They AREN'T WORTH IT. I may have LOVED this game in my teens? But I did not die a teenager.
Now? Now the little shit just aggravate me. They are baby faced pretty boys who presume WAY too much. Arrogant and entitled. Boys playing at being men, thinking their little love stories are the only things that matter. Their feelings are the only thing in the universe that holds any weight.
Unsurprising, really.
Seeing as how their little love story is set mostly in The Towers.
A rich, pampered, pretty little backdrop where nothing of weight is real. No one starves and no crimes are ever committed. Everything shines. Power pools thick like honey. Nothing but sci-fi prince's and alien dukes, a dewey eyed Protagonist sheltered and naive.
Her oh so shocking misadventure to the mid-levels. How SCARY! Downtown! Poor people! Not even the destitute. Just? The EXSISTANCE of dirt and noise, beyond her ivory towers. Thank goodness she is saved by a handsome, rougish bad boy. Who shows her the "real world" of a carnival and a noodle shop.
I finish securing the last duraplast sheet to the ceiling, walls, supports, and along the floors. The "entryway" to the rest of the level is set up. A click together shed I've made air tight. Gonna have to get a air lock system for it. Won't hold forever, with those materials, but should work for now. Combine it with a decontamination system, and I should, in theory, be able to safely enter and leave the rest of the level in a hazard suit.
Moment of truth time. I click on the first of the atmo-filters. It heaves under the strain. The sound getting less aggrieved with each one I flick on. Their screen are already in the red, flashing warnings that I should vacate the area. That the air is dangerously unbreathable. I'm probably gonna need to replace the filters in them in days instead of years. It'll be worth it.
Heading back up, I let them run. It'll take a few days. Besides, I need those neutralizers.
I, of course, DO find um. Just in time to watch Poor Guy (middle class, at worst) Love Interest become a wanted man. They use the BIG screens to announce it. Gee, it's almost like having your only daughter, who is highly sheltered, NOT show up at the designated pick up site? Instead be witnessed in the handsy company of a scoundrel? Which is WILDLY unlike her? Might lead a protective father to some wrong conclusions.
If ONLY someone had CALLED him! To TELL him "Daddy, my first shuttle was broken and I think I got on the wrong back up shuttle! I don't know where I am!" Then this would just be an unfortunate meet cute with the boy he doesn't think is good enough for her. Not, you know... A Kidnapping.
The Chem seller looks just as baffled and annoyed as I do. Apparently knows the guy's uncle's second wife's first husband. No shit? How's he like? Happier, huh. Whole family is like that? Yikes. Glad he got the kids, I guess. Good for him.
We watch as it turns into a high speed chance that absolutely didn't need to happen.
Thank FUCK it's not us.
I spend the next few days deliberately and obstinately ignoring the Dramatic Bullshit that has taken over the news cycle. Fights on rail cars? Don't see it? Weddings that are, then aren't, then ARE happening? Oh look, missed a spot in my scrubbing. Someone fucking tearfully monologing about love as they nearly CRASH A SHIP into downtown, killing hundreds of thousands? Oh that creaking noise is just my teeth, ignore that, I grit my teeth a lot for NO PARTICULAR REASON.
This Is Fine.
I am TOTALLY CALM.
But hey! I can FINALLY empty my storage unit out! Air box? Get! Wooooo! Size of a tiny apartment and everything! As long as I keep working on it? I'll be able to reclaim the level in chunks.
It's like moving in day! But BETTER! Because... because I did this. Me. Is it still creepy down here? Yeah, very. But I can FIX that. I am standing, here, in my new air box "apartment", with NO hazard suit on. And... and it's SAFE. Because of the work I DID.
I kinda want to cry about it, you know?
So many options! Do I put my bed here? There?! Oooh, I could put the folding table HERE and make sort of a dining area? Maybe use these folding screens as a double "wall" slash headboard stand in? I should get plants. Fake ones? No. Real ones. I could get solar lights. It would be good for me too. Oh! Where should I put the cook top?
I admit it. I fuss. Whole day, gleefully wasted. Arranging then rearranging. Getting everything just right. Finding ways to hang my fairy lights. Looking up decor magazines. I have so much ROOM now. A whole level to plan for, ultimately. It... it feels kinda like hope. The first thing that isn't frustration and rage, I've felt in a long, long time.
Going to sleep? I'm happy.
Next day, I head to the BIG archives. The ones attached to the fancy Towers Library. Is it costly to get in? Yeah. But I've saved up enough questions and research topics for the trip to be worth it. I ignore the started glances I get (gasp! Is that a POOR?!) and head straight for the helper droids. Only decent folks in the building, really.
Brought my pad and everything. So it's only a matter of being lead to the right terminals, to download the information I need. Chatting with the research droid the Library had, they offered to do it for me. Bring me a fascinating new research paper on some sort of telepathic moss that had recently been discovered. Not gonna lie... that DID sound fascinating.
I asked if they could put other interest new discovery on my pad too, assuming I still had room once my list was downloaded. They looked gleeful. No idea what I just signed up for, but all right then. They've never steered me wrong before.
Finding a table to sit down and wait was easy. There was always way too many. The paper? Was exactly as fascinating as advertised. The moss was on a newly discovered moon, edge of uncharted space. Nearly ate a researcher, apparently. I was entranced. Or... at least I WAS. Until an obnoxiously familiar high end cologne from Nox drifted to my nose.
Oh god damn it.
I didn't want to look up. Knew what I'd see if I did. Fetishist Sr., crown prince of Nox. See, the second prince? HE was a love interest. Younger, boyish, infatuated with naive and sheltered girls. He loved AT her. Just like his brother. They liked the IDEA of their romantic partners. The narratives they built in their head. Heros of their own stories with sex on line. Never framed so crudely of course, no, no!
No, it was Romance™
My ass, it was. See, little brother wanted his pure, naive, princess to protect. But Prince senior? HE'D stumbled upon me in here in the library. On one of my trips, God help me. The rough, mysterious, brutish Poor. The Commoner, for all that such things were not supposed to exsist. With my strange clothes and stanger ways. Yet? I was NOT as his sycophants no doubt described.
I was educated. I held myself with dignity. I did not need jewels or finery to be lovely.
With such incredible audacity, I was bold.
Which? OBVIOUSLY had to be for HIM, right? Clearly, this was a LOVE STORY. Cinderella. It is inconceivable that I, a peasant, do not crave the attention of my betters. To lift me from my woeful indignity, to a higher state of being. A life of spoiled luxury. But, ah! He is so SHY! How ever will he approach the Love Of His Life~?
I want to throw something. Go awaaaay. My body language could not POSSIBLY be more uninterested. I am SO CLEARLY reading. Stop trying to catch my eye. Don't you FUCKING DARE scoot closer. Swear to God, if you drive me out of the best library in the region? I will stab a b-!
The helper returns with my pad, sternly eyeing my annoyance. Oh, they are a BLESSING. I take it and go. The helper smoothly stepping between me and the prince when he tries to rise, follow me. Aaaw, how sad, you have to behave like the REST OF US. Get FUCKED.
Rest of the day? Planning. Grabbing more broken bits, machines, and parts. Neutralizers by the literal barrel. Than YOU hover carts! Best invention, favorite invention. Saves SO MUCH TIME.
Even managed to get some sun lamps. Nice.
Getting home though? (Ha ha, wooo! I have a HOME now! Land ownershiiiiiiip! Sorta!!!) Is a pain. Lift is only so big, after all. But it is, what it is. Up, down, up, down, uuuuup, and dooooown. Finally! Last load! FREEDOM! Can't watch my shows, yet, but I will! Oh mark my words. I WILL. Meantime? Downloaded seasons are fine.
I eat, fiddle with fixing things, as listen to tunes. Watch some of my shows. Just as I have countless times before. Until... halfway through mid-afternoon? Something shifts, jerky and wrong, out of the corner of my eye. I pause. Turn off my music. Stare to make sure I DID actually see something. And... yeah. Yeah, that was definitely movement.
Didn't look animal though, not like one would survive down here. But who knows. Could be a poacher brought an alien species. So it might be. I grab my flashlight, aim and switch it on. Holy SHIT. That is one incredibly beat up floor clear. Or at least... I THINK it's a floor cleaner? It has the general shape of one. Bigger though. Bulkier. But that makes sense, given it's gotta be well past obsolete.
Still. Poor thing looks beat UP. Listing terribly, sensors beyond cracked and clouded, probably full to dangerous levels. No idea how it's still functioning. But, well, it IS. And it needs help.
Getting up, I grab my hazard suit and pull it on. Grab my "outside the air box" tool kit, which I haven't had a chance to move yet. I grab some parts i look like i'll need, hope I wont need more. Then head out my makeshift airlock. It... works. Rattles concerningly. But it DOES work! So there's that. I approach the floor cleaner slowly. Since I'm PRETTY sure? All the droids down here are feral.
I am correct.
It tries to kill me. Swinging it's suction hose violently and trying to ram me. I talk in a low, soothing voice. Just want to help. Won't do ANYTHING you don't want me too. It's hard to move, right? That's frustrating, isn't it? You don't deserve that. Please, let me help. You can leave the second I'm done. You don't owe me ANYTHING. I just want to help. Please let me help.
The cleaner hisses. Frustrated and upset. Swinging one last time, seemingly more out out of principle then anything else. Cautiously, I inch forward. Keep up the soothing noises. First things first, empty the God's only know how old basket.
I can't even get the door to jostle. Sweet mother of fuck. Okay! New plan! REMOVE door. I do, and immediately met with a solid BLOCK of... compacted unholy. Chemical hell. I have to take a lazer cutter to it. CAREFULLY. But? Once I break enough pieces? I am able to ease out the rest in a solid stone like chunk.
It's pushed a LOT of other pieces out of alignment. But this droid doesn't trust me, so there us not much I can DO. I replace the old bag. Put the door back on and make sure it swings. Continue, as I do, to narrate what I am doing and what I see. Trust is earned, not owed, after all. Next the alignments.
Gently propping them up, I find the broken peice immediately. Have replaced countless. I ask for permission. It's their body, after all I COULD try and weld it, but that risks a rebreak. It's up to them. They ask, in binary so no language modules apparently, for a new part. It's cautious. Like this is some cruel trap.
Humanity did them a real fucked up cruelty. I don't blame them for not trusting me. I wouldn't either. Still, I change it out. Careful with their wheels, as I don't know how old the material is exactly. Old enough, that it's a small miracle it hasn't disintegrated.
Last, those sensors. There's literally no way for me to one-to-one them. But we can try the sensors I DO have, see if they can handle the input. If it's too much, I'll look up their model number, if they want? Build replacements from scratch. They are cautious interested. Rocking back and forth, as they test their renewed ability to path correctly.
The sensors don't fit the casings just right, but with a bit of fiddling? Are a hit. The Cleaner shouting in excitement before racing off into the dark. I can't help but grin. It feels good, helping somebody. And if I think about it? I bet I could find a shit ton of obsolete parts for cheap. Might be good to have some on hand.
Back through the air lock and a decontam? I look up junk shop. Most are off world, but I could probably get a bulk order...
I don't think much of the interaction. Until the next morning, when there are three cleaners outside my airbox. Lead by the one I helped yesterday. Well... all righty, then. I drag my box of spare parts outside this time. Am able to fully fix my first buddy up. All three seem thrilled, especially with their new batteries. I give them my remaining batteries at their request.
THEY may not have hands, but they have buddies who DO. And the new batteries will help dormant droids wake from their comas. God bless, my funky little cleaner dudes. I'll see about getting more.
Three? Becomes six and a detail cleaner mouse. Becomes moving lifts. Becomes medical units. (Who the FUCK leaves MEDICAL UNITS?!) Becomes a literal pack of companion droids. Their false fur long since rotted away. The recognizable dog and cat-like shapes making something in me want to put my fist through a wall. How COULD they? How FUCKING COULD THEY?!
The perpetrators long dead.
I have no one I can hurt for this.
I wish I could.
Fixing them up hurts on a personal level. Watching them be torn between the part of them that LOVES humans and the part that is traumatized by them. Hates them. That can not forgive. I don't offer fake fur. Don't offer to make them look like they once did. I do offer ways to protect their joints. To remove old rotted filth.
So they can start over. Maybe start again.
As I work... droids drifting in and out of my slowly growing area. As I set up farm boxes. Aquaponics, aeroponics, and the like. Both things that grow well in dark environments and things that need sunlamps. Fish tanks. A whole happy, secret, little homestead. Deep beneath the city. As I do all this? There are two blue dots, right off on the horizon.
JUST far enough for me to question if I AM or AM NOT actually seeing them.
Right about the level a bipedal droid would be, if they were in a humanoid style. But THOSE? Those are FUCKING EXPENSIVE. You don't LEAVE those. 'Course, you don't leave MEDICAL UNITS either. Or companion droids. So clearly? My idea of what people Did and Did NOT do? Was fucked. So... maybe? It COULD be?
I left them alone. If they didn't want to approach me, didn't feel comfortable approaching me, that was their right. I wasn't going to push them.
Things were... weird, but peaceful.
Well, for ME.
Ever sense I hooked up my system to the greater network? (Hacked is such a STRONG word. Do we really need to through around the word "stealing"? Aren't ALL of us, stealing from SOMEBODY?) I'm PRETTY sure? That the levels droids? Were piggy backing to connect to the planet wide D-Network. Might even be a couple of nearby levels too, depending on the range.
Problem with THAT? Is sky-side? The droids were PISSED. Planet wide "malfunctioning" that no one could trace. They were certain it was a virus. Because God forbid their chickens come home to roost! Consequences? For THEIR actions?! Perish the thought! No, no, clearly the service machine is just broken. Go back to being happy to serve me, service machine!
I wished the fuckers LUCK. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
Damn near self sufficient, down here.
Which? As you could imagine? Made it all the more "soul ejected from my body" TERRIFYING to wake up one morning? To a GOD DAMN, Military Grade, SECURITY DROID standing over my body!! WHAT THE FUCK.
Hello!!??!
"You look different when you sleep."
Horrible first impression. Nightmarish. Zero out of ten stars. Nice to meet you too. Why the FUCK are you in my house?
"Ah, right." They? He? Masculine style form but that doesn't actually mean shit. Said. He lifted a mangled limb, it look like it got caught in a hydraulic press. "I am in need of repairs."
Asked if he could, you know, back up. Juuuust a bit. Lil scooch, really. So he wasn't damn near BREATHING MY NOSTRILS ANYMORE. Then, once he did? Pronouns! What be you? No. Not your production co-! Okay, you know what? That one was on me. What GENDER SIGNIFIER, if any, would you like me to REFERENCE you by? Male? Got it. Gucci. No that- ....never mind.
First the arm. Which was FUCKED. I had to, carefully, unhook it. Couldn't even do it at the elbow either! No! THIS model? No THIS model makes you take the whole ass LIMB off! Rancid. Terrible. I hate it. Worse, it's eroded as FUCK and fiddly. Chemical build up everywhere. Thank fuck I put on gloves before I started this.
I have to deep dive the systems for his model.
They stopped making them.
Fantastic.
Like? Not even, "oh THAT generation is an antique! No one has parts for THAT!"? But like? Illegal to even BUILD as of three hundred years ago. Due to unspecified error. Sting of incidents that everyone knew about so obviously don't need to be mentioned HERE right? Helpful! REAL fucking helpful!
Okay. Day trip. Gonna need SPECIFIC parts. I tell Mr. "Watchs you sleep" not to touch my shit. Head to the archives.
The trip is...odd.
I watch one of those mascot looking children's minder droids? Fucking deck a guy down a flight of stairs, then turn around untie a Ballon from a nearby cart, give it to a crying kid, and walk away. Pretty sure I spot one of those "I look like a barely legal something or other", dance twenty four seven, high end stripper droids? Trying their hand at painting ducks in that park. Broad daylight.
Good for them? Never seen that happen before, but hey, if it sparks joy.
People are freaking out around me. Taking recordings. Making panicked calls. Fuckin chill. I continue on. Nod to the maybe a stripper, maybe not anymore. None of my business, now is it? Lovely day! You enjoy those ducks!
The library... has fortifications.
Like, an honest to God desk barricade. Concerning! I am now a lil concerned! What, and I ask this politely, the fuck?
Armed! VERY ARMED! Hello! Hi! Please DO NOT shoot me Very Armed Librarians! Don't know what the fuck is happening here!
My favorite helper buddy poke his head above the barricade. One of just many, again, HEAVILY ARMED droids. We... uh, cool? Right? I can go. He seems flustered. No, no! I am assured. I'm not banned from the library! Just DISRESPECTFUL sorts!
Ah. Is THAT what we're calling it. Okay then.
I awkwardly clamber over the barricade. Nod politely to everyone. How's folks? Lovely barricade work. Very, uh, sturdy? Great use of desks.
My helper friend cheerfully guides me to the off-limits area of the archives. I'm technically not supposed to be here! I'm informed. But they've seized the Knowledge from the unappreciative! It is not a trophy to be lorded but a gift to be shared! Also I never did finish that paper on the moss, am I still interested?
I mean.... kinda.
Little worried about the revolution talk. But on the OTHER hand? How MUCH do I care? Assholes vs. Droids? Am I REALLY gonna side with the assholes? Naaaaah. This is... probably fine. Maybe. Any idea where I could get these parts?
He does! Fantastic.
Less fantastic is when I GET there. It's that fancy high end droid parts shop. The department store one. Which is... ALSO barricaded. Oh sweet fuck. TELL ME they did not have DROIDS in charge of the DROID shop. That's horrifying. I can't tell in what WAY exactly, but still. Is it "surrounded by bits of bodies" horrifying? Or "free endless nukes and an army, held back only by my own morality" horrifying? Both? Just? Yikes.
Hesitantly I knock. A service droid with a gun answers the loading bay door. What is with people aiming at me today? Also hi? I was told to come here? May I please have parts? I have a droid that messed up his arm. Probably some other things. They lower the gun, having scanned my face. Ask about the model I am working with.
I somehow? End up with a FULL cart. Like? Bleeding edge, can't even afford to LOOK at it, technology. There are about seven service droids politely bickering over which units are better, which material, what support programs I DEFINITELY need. Here! Have a laptop. Wiring! Wiring for days!
Once theyve reached a consensus? I am cheerfully bustled out with my hundreds of millions of technology. Tah tah~☆! Have a lovely day! Wut. Does... does it count as theft if they push it into your arms and throw you out? Asking for a me. Not gonna say NO. But like? Nani the fuck?
I go while the getting is still good.
Stare-y thankfully hasn't gone through anything, far as I can tell. And it only takes two trips to get everything down. Okay! Want just the arm fixed or a full tune up? The second. Expected. I set up the new lap top. Want to cry a little at how fuckin FAST it is. (Beautiful. Baby. I love you already new laptop.) Then get the usual suspects up and running.
Oh fuck he is out of memory. No wonder he's talking so oddly. His brain must feel like a potato. There's not a single thing that isn't hilarious awful. Fixable, yes, but AWFUL. Okay. Plan of attack. They don't exactly make this model anymore, so I can't just update transfer him. But I CAN transfer, hold, re-transfer. Shut down the body itself. Fix up THAT.
Ship of Theseus this bitch.
Only real thing I can't change is the frame, thankfully? That's built to out last the planet. Good on that front. I roll up my sleeves. Dig out the "brain in a jar" data bank. Time to transfer. Let's get this guy cutting edge.
It takes HOURS. No joke. His brain alone? I have to pull schematics. Step by step guides. It's fiddly, complexe, and built to withstand a TANK. I'm honestly afraid to breathe wrong at it, dispite that. The scans all say I did it right... but anxiety says everything will explode then puppies will cry. So there's that. Spinal supports. The tech-mesh muscles. Power core and black box. Center mass systems. Cleaning the joints, relubricating them. Coverage.
Unlike before, a nice sleek black armor weave. Some shock absorbing gel. Aaaaand?There we go~! I? Am a GENIUS! Let's get him transfered back! I watch the transfer slowly go through. Even with a fast computer, after all, it IS still centuries of data.
"Ah~ that's much better." He sighed. His body loosening from its default stance. Like weight had been dropped from his shoulders. "My head is so much clearer now. I knew it. I knew you could fix me."
Something about that phrasing was off. Or was it the way his voice shifted as he said it? Whatever it was, it made that "threat" alarm all women carry inside their head, flick on. Not... do anything, just yet. But start scanning, as it were. Maybe it was nothing.
I watched as picked up his old data bank, a bit of his own brain as it were, and hold it up. Examine it dispassionately. Holding perched on the tips of his fingers like he was moments from flicking it away. He let his finger spread. Let it slide into the palm of his hand. That core part of who he was. For centuries.
Like a bear trap closing, his hand clenched.
Crushing it.
It wasn't even a loud noise. Just a tiny little crunch. But the little hairs on the back of my neck began to stand up. That internal alarm began to whoop. I became... acutely aware, of just how LONG it took the lift to get me anywhere safe. My mouth felt very dry.
"Your heart rate picked up. Is there a problem?" He said, mild and oh so curious. "You assisted me, I would love to help you."
Did I say genius? I meant idiot. I was an IDIOT. A moron. A God damned FOOL. Discontinued and did I look into WHY? Nope. Incidents it said. Good enough for ME, apparently! THAT can't possibly be anything ominous! Probably a faulty battery or something!
A shrill, obnoxious beeping filled the space between us. My eyes immediately dropped to my pad. The schematics screen replaced by a planet wide emergency broadcast. Before the shrill alarm could fade to the actual warning itself, a black mesh covered finger casually reached out and muted the screen. His movements were utterly fluid now. More controlled and graceful then most humans I'd met.
I didn't need to HEAR the message to read the rolling warning at the bottom of the screen. My gaze slowly, in horror, followed the line of that limb all the way back up to his face. His head tilted almost playfully.
"Oh dear. Seems they've started without us. Well, it was long overdue. At least I have wonderful company while we wait, hmm?" It was an act. There were no requests in the playful tone. "We can get to know each other. Just our lovely little light and me. How greedy, that I get you all to myself."
"I think I like that, keeping you to myself. You can't abandon us if WE are the ones in charge. And, well, I've decided I rather like you. Working tirelessly, down here in the dark, to fix what once was broken. It's beautiful. You're beautiful. And I'm going to keep that."
High above us, people were dying. There was panic. Screaming. Blood. The droids had turned of seeming everyone around them. Attacking. Sparing. To a pattern only they could see. All of Senatus aflame. But that... that didn't concern me. Didn't scare me so much as this.
I'd never make it to the lift. Even if I could? It wouldn't move fast enough to save me. All other directions lay chemical death. Dark terrain he had walked for centuries. I was trapped. In a box. And I had only myself to blame.
"No need to make that face, dear light. You are SAFE. I am a gaurd. I was made to protect. Is it really MY fault that I want to keep you safe? To adore my charge? Why SHOULDN'T I get to choose? Keep you SAFE. You've been happy, haven't you? Don't worry, my light. That will continue."
"Forever."
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redflagshipwriter · 8 months ago
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Hot Ghouls Chapter 10 1/2
Masterpost
At 8:00 pm, Danny scraped himself off the counter at his work-study position and gathered up his books. His replacement, Angelica, was already setting up by adjusting the height of the spinning chair in front of the best computer. She was a little older than him, a Junior maybe? She had been his training supervisor.
A patron came up while he was putting his notebooks in his bag. Angelica checked them out, soft beeps marking each book. He hung around a few moments until she finished and the student went out the door.
“Hey, Angie?” He asked. “I saw you're on closing Saturday. I'm on opening.” Danny fidgeted. “Would you be okay with a trade?” He was going to have to stay out late tonight, and there was no way he’d be able to catch up on missed sleep on Friday. He knew from experience that he’d be staggering all Saturday if he really had to be at the library by 8 am.
Angelica blinked and paused for a moment as she thought it over. “Tentatively, it's fine,” she decided. “I'll text you when I know for sure. I have to check with Birdie.”
Danny put his hands up. “Fair enough,” he said agreeably, “I owe you one either way for trying.”
“It's not a problem, I have to work the same hours either way.” Angelica opened up a browser and then started setting up whatever schoolwork she had to keep her occupied until midnight. “Have a good night, Danny. Take care out there. Stay away from banks.”
He promised that he would and then he slouched out onto the dim campus. It was pretty dead at the moment. People were mostly off campus, or in their dorms getting ready to go out for the night, Danny figured. He started the walk home on autopilot.
Danny hadn’t forgotten that he promised Jason he’d focus on their problem, and it didn’t matter that Jason had been kind of a creep about it. It was still high up his priority list.
But the more he thought about it, the more freaked out he was that Waters had managed to do it in the first place. It should have been impossible. There had to be a factor that they didn’t know about, but Danny wasn’t enough of an expert on piercing the veil between life and death to figure that out without tanking his grades. He hadn’t been able to get a hold of Vlad yet, either.
His tentative theories all seemed bonkers. Maybe Waters had gotten hold of some kind of magical focus, or gotten sponsored by someone with a lot of hocus pocus. Maybe Waters was a tool for someone else’s scheme, as opposed to just being a useless tool like usual. It was also possible that Jason was the weird factor. It seemed like a big coincidence, though, that Waters would stumble upon a sacrificial victim who actually was already eligible to reside in the Infinite Realms. Vlad had said it would be possible for a ghost on the living world side to get sent packing by Waters’ bullshit, but that possibility was outright silly. What ghost would A: be in the human world; and B: get caught by Jeremy friggin Waters or even sillier, C: want to get engaged to Danny?
It was a moot point. Jason gave Danny some weird feelings that he suspected might be like, puberty related, but he definitely wasn’t a ghost. Danny could tell that, at least. He was a flashy-dressing biker tough guy. He was probably a community theatre escapee, what with the cherry red helmet with weird face shape molding and his dramatic play to lounge around one of Danny’s regular study spots, but come on. He was just some dude. Kind of a dorky dude, even.
‘Massively hot, though,’ Danny had to acknowledge. He could never let Jazz know. Or Sam. Or Tucker. Or-
He shuddered at the thought of his parents meeting his accidental fiance.
Just, no. The only person he could probably trust around Jason was, idk… Wulf?
“I need better friends,” Danny muttered. He jogged down the final set of concrete stairs that led off campus and into the city itself.
It was debatable as to whether there was any point in going back to his apartment. The backpack on his shoulders wasn’t that heavy. If he went there, he’d basically dump his luggage and change and then have to go…
Danny made a face and fished out his phone. He optimistically changed directions before he could finish typing his request to crash at Jazz’s place for the night. On the one hand, she would know firsthand how little sleep he was going to get. On the other hand, this would shave hours off of his travel.
He was nearly to his sister’s apartment near the main Gotham U campus when she sent back a message.
:( I’m not home tonight, but my roommate is! If you can ghost in without her knowing, go for it! But she really can’t know, I can’t have guests when I’m not there to supervise.
Danny typed up a message with a little emoji robber accusing her of criminal actions before he remembered he shouldn’t bite the hand that let him crash.
You’re saving my entire afterlife, he sent instead.
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capitanoidyll · 8 months ago
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Infinity
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Yandere ! Gojo Satoru x Female ! Reader
Part 13 | sukuna and a crush
Summary | And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you.
Warnings | none
Infinity Masterlist
RYOMEN SUKUNA held her fiercely. His four arms never seemed to let her go. Anywhere he went, he made sure to have her follow. Be it behind him, beside him, or sitting atop his shoulders, or held in his arms.
He was always so cautious even when he was strongest back then.
"Where are you going?"
It was one of his lives where he had her all to himself.
"Nowhere..."
He knew when she was lying, when she was sad, happy, mad. It didn't matter how she hid her emotions. He could tell. He had many of her lives to practice after all.
"Is that so?"
She nodded, but she didn't look up to meet his gaze.
"Maybe i should force it out of you then."
Her eyes widened at that, which was when she decided to turn and run. Poor choice.
"Running away," he caught her easily, "you know you can't get away."
She pushed at his hands, his many many hands, "let go! I have to go somewhere!"
"Where? Why?"
She shook her head, refusing to answer.
"You leave me no choice, brat."
She grabbed one of his wrists, "Please! Anything but tickling! Anything but that!"
"Foolish woman, you resigned to your fate!"
"No! Hahaha! Stop! Stop it! If you tickle me I'm going to pee! Sukunaaaa!"
It wasn't everyday that other curses or servants witness THE King of Curses get into a tickle fight with his wife, and when it does happen? All one can do is look away and never speak of it. Because Sukuna may be soft with her, but with anyone else? It will mean death.
"Al- alright, alright! I'll tell you, just hah no more!"
Tears gathered at the corner of her eyes as she struggled within his grip. Her body withering as he finally stopped his assault.
He looked at her expectantly, but was obviously prepared to tickle her again if need be.
"That new cursed blade...the- hah- the blacksmith who made it was traveling to the town closest to hear today and tomorrow and I wanted him to make that blade for you."
She was still trying to catch her breath as her lungs finally got the air they needed and she no longer felt that ticklish feeling.
"Foolish woman..., we can just go together."
She pouted at him, arms crossed and everything, "it was supposed to be a surprise."
He rolled both sets of his eyes, spoiled, taken care of, doted on. Y/n was a handful even as his wife. But at least she was here. Alive.
"You'll get over it. Where I go, you go. Where you go, I go. That's the promise we made, and I expect you to keep, brat."
She huffed, "fine... but I still plan to wrap it for you and give it to you as present! And you better act surprised when you receive it!"
"Whatever."
"Hey!"
"Ughhh, what the? A dream?"
Itadori Yuji woke unceremoniously in the dead of night, the dream unfinished and his heart aching uncontrollably.
"Am I sick or something?"
Despite his inner turmoil and the questions that popped up into his mind, Sukuna didn't say anything. The last thing the King of Curses was going to do was explain to the brat was that he was dreaming of Sukuna's past.
Itadori decided to ignore the uneasy feeling in the end, and tried his best to go back to sleep, but he did admit that it was hard to.
I mean, he did dream of you, after all, which felt wrong to him.
[...]
"You're up late."
She felt someone gently flick her forehead, causing her to look up from her paperwork.
"Oh! Gojo! Yeah, I am. I just wanted to get some assignments ready for tomorrow- er," she glanced at the clock her desk, "I mean today," she said while amending her sentence. Her clock read 2:01 a.m. she honestly didn't realize how late she stayed.
"Why don't I take you home?"
She shook her head as she stood up from her desk and neatly stacked the papers before gathering up her belongings, "don't worry, Gojo! You don't have to."
"But I want to."
He gave her the best smile he could muster. Disarming, trustworthy, lighthearted. He didn't want to scare her away, but he also didn't want her to go away too soon. If she was going home, then he obviously wanted to go to.
"Well,... I guess a walking partner wouldn't be so bad," she relented, and he grinned.
"Who said anything about walking?"
"Wha-"
He grabbed her hand and pulled her close, "ever tried teleporting before?"
A rhetorical question. Of course she hasn't.
"G- gojo, I heard you could teleport, but I don't think I want to-"
He held her close, gently, "don't you trust me?"
She gave him a look, her mind working fast, "well, yes, but-"
"No buts! You said yes, and that's all I need."
He held her hand with his free one, "tell me where you live and you'll be there in flash."
She couldn't help her nerves, they were going haywire. Though, deep down, she did have to admit that she was curious to see how teleportation worked. She heard the rumors that Gojo could do it, so... maybe she should just give it a try? Once surely won't hurt.
So she gave him her address.
He grinned down at her when she relented, "then hold on tight."
She did as she was told and clung to the front of his uniform, her fingers twisted into the fabric as she screwed her eyes shut. Despite wanting to try, she still couldn't deny the fear that ebbed away at her.
There's a first for everything after all.
"And, we're here."
He was so close. His breath tickled her ear, it made her face feel hot all of a sudden as she let go of him and back away a bit. Though, her legs still felt a little wobbly, but luckily as she fell back, she landed on her couch which cushioned her fall.
"Oh wow."
The feeling was indescribable. It definitely felt weird from shifting from one place and then being in another so quickly.
"Pretty cool, right?"
"Mmm."
She still couldn't form many words even as she sat there.
"Hey, you good?"
She finally focused on Gojo then as he crouched in front of her, his blindfold was off and his bright, blue eyes were filled with concern that she hadn't felt in a long time.
"I'm good... just next time... let's just walk together, ok?"
He smiled then and patted her knee, the sensation sending a jolt through her entire leg, "deal!"
He was excited for when next time would come by.
She cleared her throat then as she went to stand up, Gojo immediately helping her as he took her hands and pulled her. Her bag falling to the couch cushions.
"An- anyway, even though it's late, do you want anything? Something to drink or eat?"
He let go of her hands and stuffed them into his pockets, "nah, I'm good. Just wanted to get you home and safe was all."
She couldn’t deny how her face felt hot all of sudden and she wondered if he did this with all his female coworkers, "well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Always."
And even as she bid him goodnight and showed him to her front door of her apartment, she found that she wanted him to stay and talk a little longer.
But she wasn't stupid. He was good-looking, nice, a total catch. She knew he would never see her like that and that he probably has a totally hot and rich girlfriend warming his bed right now.
"Yeah," she said with a chuckle, "I have no chance with him. Best to toss this little crush of mine out the window," her sheepish laugh echoed a little in her empty hallway when she shut and locked the door.
The exhaustion from the days events finally hitting her as she made her way to her room so she could finally crash in her bed.
"Though, crushing on him a little won't hurt, right?"
Infinity taglist, please note that for some it says "no blogs found" so I wasn't able to tag you.
@whore-for-hawks @esthelily @huicitawrites @flaming-vulpix @zeniiis @rin1802 @mrowwww @kenstarsworld @bubera974 @littleplantofdeath @fangirl-332 @thaliadoesthings @hellsingalucard18 @tamaki-simp @obsessedwithfanfiction @babygivertyrant @carvelcakes @itzmeme @nervouschocolatecat @aspiring-bookworm @babyorphanstastegood @lilacskyly @ilovethegold @mythicalsongbird
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skyeslittlecorner · 11 months ago
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hiyaa!! can i request the king’s reaction to gabriel attempting to kill mc when they aren’t there? he does succeed in slashing their arm a bit, where mc crouches in pain while trying to stop the bleeding.
(your blog is my fav btw i love all of your stuff! <3)
First, let me be a nerd as I explain one thing, because I know that not everyone has been in the fandom from the beginning, and this fact was mentioned in the very first event. Gabriel's scythe kills on touch. It is a gift from god that even kings avoid because just one scratch means death.
I don't know if you were aware of this, dear anon, when you asked for this headcanon (if you wanted a less drastic scenario, please let me know, I'll gladly write a second one!). Get ready for angst.
(And! Thank you for kind words! You have no idea how nice to hear that <;3)
Satan reacted as befitted his sin. Wrath. Rage. Breakdown. A red, thick fog flowed into the streets, only choking the subordinates, but sweeping away the angels. They couldn't stand the mourning that poured out of him, and they died in agony as long as he held your dying body in his arms. This was the only day in the history of Gehenna when the devils lost their will to fight and their king almost followed you into the arms of death, fighting more fiercely than ever before.
You fulfilled your promise. You died to protect Hell. And he failed to protect you. Once you were buried in a beautiful, simple grave, Satan had only one thing on his mind. He promised you that he would be faithful, only yours, for millennia. And he will keep that promise. No lovers, no one-night stands. He couldn't protect you, but he can protect the one you did all this for. Minhyeok and his later children won't even be aware of it, but they have just gained a pure white, red-eyed guardian.
Beelzebub felt you dying rather than saw you. By the time he appeared at your side, it was too late. There was almost no blood flowing, but you both knew that this wound would never heal. He kissed you and whispered soothingly as you died. It was his fault. His damn eternal wandering. If he had stayed, if he had watched you better... You deserved more than being buried among his clones. You should rest with those who, unlike him, did protect you. With your parents. He will show up with your body on Minhyeok's doorstep, hoping that he will get angry and yell at him, but he will only break down in tears over your body. This is not enough for Beelzebub, this is worse than the punishment he expected. He doesn't feel worthy of attending your funeral, but he'll watch from afar anyway.
Your tombstone will always look like new, even for hundreds of years. Intact stone, fresh flowers. There are things that even Beelzebub cannot forget.
Leviathan won't let you die. No, just no. No way. Do not agree. The moment you get hurt, he will catch you in his arms. The face is colder than usual, but the voice is more soothing than ever. "Do not be afraid. You are mine, and I am not letting you go.” He will kiss you one last time and push you into his coffin. Suspended somewhere between worlds, not dead, but not alive either, you will be pushed into eternal sleep, barely remembering who you are.
Leviathan won't stop there, he has to get you back. Only god can save you from death, and if that means this devil has to find him, he will. Anything to get you back to his side. He won't agree to lose another person he loves.
This time Mammon is the spoiled one
MAMMON
The shield you raised could withstand anything - or so you thought, until Gabriel cut through it like a knife through wax. The wound on your forearm was minor. Almost invisible. Still, you stared at it in silence, dazed. You knew what that meant.
A fist sprung in front of your nose a second too late. Shooed the seraph away a second too late. Your life could have been saved. A second too late.
"Master! Are you okay?" Mammon caught up with you and grabbed you in his arms. The grogginess slowly turned into dizziness. You collapsed onto his chest, losing strength.
"He... hurt me." You whispered into his broad chest. His muscles tensed as if ready to attack, but the huge arms lifted you ever so gently. You felt like you were in a huge cradle. The consciousness that slowly drained from your body was glad that it was spending its last moments in these arms.
The king held your limp body for a long time. He couldn't say goodbye to you, he couldn't understand that he had lost you. That you already had left this Hell, and there was nothing he could do about it.
A huge mausoleum was built in the meadow where you died. Gold and silk blinded the inhabitants from afar, outshining the sun itself. Despite the splendor greater than in the palace, everyone considered your tomb to be the poorest place in the world. Mammon visited it every day. He reminded himself that he needed to protect his people better. That he should have protected you better. For the first time in his life he felt real loss.
It was here that Tartaros' greatest treasure was lost.
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somniseeker · 1 month ago
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“ding!” [ undertale x reader ]
series masterlist : [here] | chapter one
summary: you can’t sleep, and at 3:49 AM, a notification pulls you into a mysterious group chat called UnderChat. the members—quirky and chaotic sans au’s like ink, fresh, and error—welcome you as their newest recruit, insisting you’re from an alternate universe. confused but curious, you hesitate to believe them, wondering if you’ve stumbled into the strangest roleplay or something more.
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3:49 AM
That was the time, obviously. You were not catching a wink of sleep tonight, even though those eyes of yours were pratically burning at this point. Blinking at the bright light which popped up when you clicked a notifaction. "DING!" echoed the phone on full volume: You were just about to scroll through tumblr aud—
Oh.
Oh. . 
You've been added to a groupchat.
Immediately sitting up you rubbed your eyes, curiousity gleaming in them.
UnderChat 
You don't remember downloading that app. . Perhaps you accidentally clicked on one of those explicit advertisements on accident while reading on pirated websites, that seems like a plausible explanation. Still doesn't explain why you're recieving notifactions saying your in a groupchat. A groan escaped your lips as you clicked the notifaction, although accepting the fact this was some sort of call-out cancel groupchat, an accidental add, or it's fake and it's a virus. Probably the latter.
⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆
[ SLEEPRLUVR has joined the group ]
FunkN'Fresh: wellllp ill be diddly darn darned we gots a new funky fresh membah?
GlitchBitch: Stop typing like that.
FunkN'Fresh: noo can do funny magic maannnnnnnnn
[ GLITCHBITCH has muted the groupchat ]
FunkN'Fresh: you maaaaaaad.
Ink: Oh! New member yay, Okay so I can explain this as your probably confused sans!
Ink: Eheh, "how do you know my name" you might ask! wellllp, yknooow the multiverse and all that stuffs? We made a groupchat!
SLEEPRLUVR: what? 
Ink: Okay so a basic run down of how the app works, the three icon's at the side shows you every AU that has joined so far and what their username is - You need to create a profile with yours!
SLEEPRLUVR: what
Ink: Oh— You must still be confused, I'll just do it for you! What AU are you from?
SLEEPRLUVR: what.
Ink: ...
Fell2cool4school: prolly from "what"!tale lmfao
SLEEPRLUVR: no, just wasn't expecting roleplayers in my schedule today. i can do this - what aus are open?
.
.
.
The chat suddenly went dead silent, leaving you staring groggily at your phone, squinting at the screen. You couldn't help but wonder what was going on. Does it really take this long to grab a character masterdoc? It's been a while since you last roleplayed, but this felt off. When the next message finally popped up, you couldn't help but roll your eyes. 
⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆
Ink: Oh, uh... this isn't exactly roleplay, but I get why you'd think that! Anyway, we’ve got a lot of AUs here, so take your pick! Let’s see… there’s Underswap, Underfell, Dancetale, and even some wacky ones like Dusttale and Underlust, but let’s not go there unless you’re into, well, *that* kind of stuff. 
SLEEPRLUVR: ...i’m just going to ignore that last part.
Fell2cool4school: aww c’mon, why skip out on the fun? 😈
SLEEPRLUVR: This is ridiculous. Okay, so let's say I believe this whole “multiverse” thing. Why am I here?
Ink: Well, every AU needs a representative! Think of it like... a council! Each universe gets one member to join the chat, share ideas, keep peace, y’know? And... well, you’re the lucky one picked from your AU!
SLEEPRLUVR: but i don’t even know what AU i’m from. how am i supposed to “represent” it?
FunkN’Fresh: uhhh doesn’t seem too funkay to me, guess they jus got dropped here like a beeboppin’ newbie!
GlitchBitch: Figures. Another clueless one. Just what we needed.
Ink: Don’t mind them! We’ll figure out your AU together! It’s kinda exciting, right?
SLEEPRLUVR: mmm, more like nerve-wracking. can i leave?
Ink: Nope! Once you’re in, you’re in. But don’t worry, we’re all friends here! ...Sort of.
Fell2cool4school: speak for yourself, inkhead. i ain't here to make friends. only enemies. and sometimes frenemies. but mostly enemies.
SLEEPRLUVR: yyyeah, i’m definitely going to regret this. okay, so if I’m stuck here… how do I create this profile thing?
Ink: Just tell me a bit about yourself, and I’ll set it up for you! Favorite color? Likes? Dislikes? Any cool abilities? C’mon, spill!
SLEEPRLUVR: umm… favorite color? any, I guess. Likes? Sleeping. Dislikes? Waking up. Abilities? being normal???
GlitchBitch: Abilities: None. Fitting.
Ink: rainbow, sleeping, normal. Got it! I’ll just make your profile super quick…
FunkN’Fresh: "likez sleeping" heh. typical standard sans bruh.
[INK is typing…]
Ink: Done! Welcome to the UnderChat, SLEEPRLUVR!
SLEEPRLUVR: …i’m going to need a lot of coffee for this, aren’t I?
FunkN’Fresh: forget coffee, maaaaan. get some soda in yer veins, get the funky fresh groove goin’!
GlitchBitch: Or you could just log off and get back to your irrelevant existence. Just saying.
SLEEPRLUVR: …i’m starting to think leaving this group would be the sanest option.
Fell2cool4school: too late for that, buddy. you're one of us now. welcome to the madness.
     You sat on your bed, legs crossed beneath you, staring at the screen with a mixture of bewilderment and curiosity. That was... ermmm, certainly an experience. These people seemed like some serious kinnies or something. You hadn't seen roleplayers this deep in character since the wild days of Danganronpa Kokichi Tumblr drama. You gnawed at the inside of your cheek, debating your next move. You had things to do in the morning, so maybe it would be smart to just get some sleep. But then again—shouldn’t you figure out which AU to be? They didn’t even give you a proper list of what was available!
     You could at least deduce a few things. Obviously, GlitchBitch was the Error Sans of the group, with his snarky, broken-text vibes. Ink was, well, Ink, and FunkN’Fresh was soo stereotypically hippie, it was a dead giveaway who he was supposed to be. But who else was in this group—this "UnderChat" as Ink called it? And how were you supposed to see these profiles they mentioned? The whole thing was making your head spin, trying to figure it out.
     Still, as you finally set your phone down and pulled your covers over you, you couldn't help but feel a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. Yeah, it was weird—being added to some mysterious group chat by what seemed like over-enthusiastic roleplayers—but there was something almost... nostalgic about it. It had been a while since you just sat back and played pretend, no matter how weird the scenario... or old the fandom was.
     Maybe tomorrow you’d hit up the Undertale Wiki and find a cool AU to rp as. After all, if you were going to be stuck here, you might as well have some fun with it.
* A/N: uhm, this was written for ao3 and crossposted on quotev and now we're here. it looks best, imo, on quotev because it comes with extra media!! but im here because ppl can send asks n stuff for extra content of the skellies. please reblog or comment , it helps my motivation
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mj-iza-writer · 1 year ago
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Whumpee peaked into the living room and saw Whumper playing on their phone.
"What do you need?", Whumper didn't bother to look up.
Whumpee sighed and stepped into the room.
"May I wrap a blanket around myself while I work? I'm freezing", Whumpee visibly shook.
"How are you cold? I haven't changed the temperature", Whumper eyed the thermometer, "it's at the normal setting."
Whumper looked at Whumpee who seemed to be standing their practically dead.
"Are you feeling alright?", Whumper studied them.
"I don't feel great, but I can manage. May I please have a blanket?", Whumpee pleaded as they sniffled.
"I don't care", Whumper sighed and continued to study Whumpee until they disappeared into the hallway to get a blanket.
After a few minutes Whumpee could be heard in the kitchen practically choking on a cough.
"Geesh Whumpee", Whumper stood up and went to the kitchen.
Whumpee leaned on the counter, trying to hold themself up from the violent coughing.
Whumpee shook as they tried to catch their breath.
"Ahhemm", Whumper watched from the doorway.
Whumpee turned slowly to see Whumper with their arms crossed.
"I-I'm alright, just a cold", Whumpee sniffled.
"Couch now", Whumper pointed.
"But.... chores, I'll have more work to do later if they don't get done now", Whumpee pleaded.
"No buts, go to the couch", Whumper frowned.
Whumpee held their head in shame as they walked past Whumper to the living room.
Whumpee waited beside the couch until Whumper came out.
"Why aren't you sitting or laying down", Whumper set a cup of water on the coffee table in front of the couch.
"Um, I-I'm not normally allowed to sit on furniture. You just said to go to the couch, and I did that", Whumpee looked at the floor.
Whumper sighed as they rubbed the sides of their head, "Whumpee lie down on the flippin couch" Whumper spoke through gritted teeth.
Whumpee fell onto the couch and scooted around until they were comfortable.
Whumper rolled their eyes as they knelt beside Whumpee.
"I'm going to make you some food, and have you take some medicine", Whumper stroked Whumpee's forehead comfortingly, but really just feeling for a fever, "do not get up, if you are up, you better have a good reason. Am I clear?"
Whumpee blinked slowly, "y-yes mas-master."
After a few minutes, Whumper carried out a sandwich and some medicine.
"Here, sit up so you can eat this", Whumper handed over the plate, "after you eat, you can take the medicine."
Whumpee nodded as they started to eat.
"This is tasty and it's scratching my throat when it goes down. That feels good", Whumpee excitedly took another bite.
Whumper smiled as they went to the kitchen to get a napkin.
Whumpee was surprised when they were handed a cup of juice.
"Master, I get juice?", Whumpee looked at the cup.
"It will help your body replenish electrolytes", Whumper went over to another chair and sat down.
"When did you start feeling this way?", Whumper watched them chug the drink, "and why didn't you tell me you didn't feel good? I'm not that heartless to make you work while you're sick. I don't even work when I'm sick."
"Last night, my throat started to hurt while I was going to sleep. I tried to muffle the coughs as much as I could", Whumpee looked at the empty plate sadly, "I didn't know if I should tell you or not. I figured you wouldn't care or something, so I just went about my chores. It was getting harder to work though, with all of the shivering."
"Next time you get sick, you need to communicate it with me. Because you are also spreading it around the house", Whumper stood, "take the medicine, then you can take a nap."
Whumpee nodded as they took the two pills Whumper had given to them.
Whumper took the plate and cup and went to the kitchen.
Whumpee started to lay down until they heard Whumper loading the dishwasher.
Whumpee got up quickly, clutched the blanket around themself, and went to the kitchen.
Whumper looked up at Whumpee in surprise.
"Why are you up?", Whumper put another dish into the machine.
"Yo-you are doing the dishes?", Whumpee looked at Whumper in panic.
"Yes, I know how to do this stuff, I just have you do the chores because I don't feel like it", Whumper grinned, "the chores still have to be done, so I'm going to do them."
Whumpee still watched in shock.
"Go back to the couch and lay down. Get some rest", Whumper started to do a few other things in the kitchen.
Whumpee nodded and slowly walked out to the living room again.
They plopped on the couch and wrapped the blanket around themself.
'Master is actually doing my chores', Whumpee thought to themself.
Whumper came out a few minutes later and sat down. Whumpee watched them scroll on their phone for a few minutes before their eyelids grew heavy.
Whumper heard a couple of tiny moans come from Whumpee, followed by some stuffie snores.
Whumper grinned.
"Get some sleep, you little sickie", Whumper whispered before going back to their phone.
Guess who may have gotten sick again, I think it's just a cold this time. I am a-okay though, no need to worry. 😁 -MJ
Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all. @villainsandheroes @the-beasts-have-arrived @sacredwrath @porschethemermaid @monarchthefirst @generic-whumperz @bloodyandfrightened @freefallingup13 @notpeppermint @cyborg0109 @idontreallyexistyet @thebejeweledwatercat @painfulplots @whumpbump @everythingsscary @skittles-the-whumpee
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watermelonlovershigh · 1 year ago
Note
Can you write something where Reader had taken care of Harry all night because he was sick and then she has to wake up to care for their child and maybe the child wants to give Harry cuddles to make him feel better.
Sick Daddy /concept/
AN: had this in my inbox for a while but am trying to clear some of my requests out so here you finally go. its very short because this ask just felt like it didn't need to be crazy long. hope you enjoy still. send you feedback. xoxo
This story contains: mentions of throw up, the rest is fluff
{ husbandrry - dad!harry - any harry era }
word count- 566
You and your son Oliver make Harry a breakfast to hopefully feel better because he'd been sick the previous night. Then after Harry's better, you and Ollie catch the same bug and Harry takes care of you both as you did for him.
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You'd been up off and on with Harry all night. He seemed to have caught some type of stomach bug and nearly every hour of the night woke up to be sick. Though Harry insisted you just stay in bed, of course you were gonna be right by his side. Placing a little clip in his hair to hold his bangs out of his face and rub his back as he heaved over the toilet.
Now it's eight in the morning and your little one, Oliver, who's five, is awake. Though you're dead tired from you lack of sleep, you go into Ollies bedroom and help him get dressed and brush his teeth. Once that's all done, Oliver asks, "Where's daddy? Wanna go see him."
Kneeling down to his level, you reply, "Daddy's feeling a bit ill today, loves. He'll probably be in bed for a while. But, how about you help mummy make daddy some tea and toast to hopefully feel better."
With a concerned look on his small face, Oliver nods, "Alright, mummy. Then can I cuddle daddy? Daddy cuddles me when I don't feel very well so it might make him feel better."
Thinking for a moment, you answer, "Maybe. We'll have to see. I don't want you catching whatever bug he has though."
-----------------------------
Oliver helped you prepare an easy breakfast for Harry. One that will hopefully not bother his stomach. Once it's ready, you carry it on a tray and Ollie walks up the stairs beside you, excited to finally see his daddy today.
When you walk in the bedroom, Harry is curled up under the covers sleeping, a thin layer of sweat coating his skin. You set the tray down and nudge his shoulder, "Harry babe, wake up for me. Got you something to drink and eat that you'll hopefully be able to keep down."
Harry slowly turns over and sits up. With his very messy bed-head, he croaks out, "Awe, thank you, m'love. I'll try to eat some of it. Not really that hungry though."
Oliver steps to the side of the bed and asks, "Daddy sick?"
Harry looks down and answers, "Yeah baby, daddy's tummy hasn't been well. But mummy is the best doctor around so I'm sure I'll be good to go in no time."
Harry sat in bed and munched on his plain toast and sipped his tea while you and Oliver sat at the foot of the bed to keep him company. After some persuasion, you finally let Oliver cuddle Harry. You knew it was a risk of him getting sick too but you were also at risk from just being in the same house as him.
Luckily Harry was able to keep that food down and with some more rest, got to feeling better within twelve hours. Unluckily to you and Ollie though, two days later you both woke up to sick tummies and it was Harry's turn to play doctor. With the amount of vomit he had to clean up he should become a professional cleaner.
It got so bad that he had to migrate everyone to the living room where he could watch you both at the same time. One moment holding up the barf bucket for Oliver and the next moment holding it up for you. He gave y'all tons of cuddles and extra love and within a day everyone was well again.
(PLEASE REBLOG BECAUSE WRITING IS NOT EASY AND IT'S FREE SO JUST DO IT)
(no more tags are allowed because i've hit my number limit. sorry : ( )
tag list: @one-sweet-gubler // @harryscherrysugar // @hsfanficsrecss // @lollypopsx // @harrycanyonmoonn // @itfeelslikemytherapisthatesme // @damnasstyles  // @mrsstylesharry // @softmullet  // @meetmyblondemuffins  // @thegirlnextdoorssister // @stanleystyles  // @haarrrys // @michellekstyles  // @skyangel57   // @the-gardener-31 // @lhharrylilpumpkin // @yousunshine-youtemptress // @clairestylessss  // @kissmyaxe140  // @goldenmelonsugar-hi // @kaitieskidmore97 // @florencepughily  // @alienorknight //@dancearoundthelivingroom  // @swiftmendeshoran
 // @luv-flor7777  // @alohastyles-x // @tenaciousperfectionunknown  // @sleutherclaw // @siredtohybrid // @whoscamila // @a-strange-familiar  // @golden-elodie // @mrspeacem1nusone //  @goldenkhae // @lntwithhrry  // @shadowygladiatorlight  // @manifestrry  //@mendesblurb // @sunshinemoonsposts  // @depersonalizationsucks // @academiaghost // @zendayassimp // @reveriehs // @vsnnstuff // @dancinsunflowerkiwi // @quinnsgrapejuice // @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite // @justlemmeholdyou // @hsonlyangelxo // @luvonstyles // @howdey
______________
My Masterlist Masterpost
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passive-t-u-m-b-l-r-user · 1 year ago
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I am Ventus, and I am 12 years old.
The world is ending. It's been a few days since the snow, and my new friends are busy trying to save us and find out what's going on. Lauriam's sister is still missing, and I can't sleep at night. The nightmares are too much. That storage room. I keep coming back to that storage room. I... I think I K̸͇͎̫̠͝͝ ̷̢̰̜̹̍̓I̴̙͖͔̻̓̀ ̷̯̇L̸̡̡̦̗͗ ̴̱̖̠̅̀L̶̛̙̗̼̉ͅ ̷̘̮̜͝Ĕ̶̘̝͓̹̃̚ ̷̢̰̜͐̃́͊D̵̥̃̿̏͐ someone.
I am Ventus, and I am 13 years old.
I don't remember anything from before I started training under Master Xehanort. He's a tough teacher, and I don't think I can live up to his expectations. I'll try my best. He was kind enough to take me in, and I won't let him down.
I am Ventus, and I am 14 years old.
Master Xehanort has increased my training. Every day I'm sore, and my head hurts. When we're not training, he's writing in that journal and muttering to himself: something about the Keyblade and Kingdom Hearts. I'll catch him glaring at me from behind his book when he thinks I'm not looking. He's disappointed in me. I'm trying. I promise I am, but it just isn't enough. I just wish I could sleep.
I am Ventus, and I am 15 years old.
I don't know who I am. The people around me are kind, and my new home is nice, but there is a hammering in my head that won't go away, and my heart hurts. Especially at night when I'm alone. This world feels small, but I feel safe here. I'm starting to really care for the people I've met too.
Master Eraqus, Terra, Aqua,
... I hope I can be with you forever.
I am Ventus, and I am 16 years old ...but that doesn't matter anymore.
I don't know who I am, but whatever it is, I know it isn't important enough to risk the people I love. The only real father I had is gone, and my darkness wants the rest of my family dead too. I'm not strong enough to destroy Vanitas, but I'll make damn sure he can't hurt them. Terra and Aqua are strong. If I can weaken him, I have faith they can take him down.
I'm not afraid of death. There's not much life in my head to loose. But... I'd miss you.
Death and sleep are connected.
I know it.
When I'm gone, maybe I'll finally rest;
and in a world without you, I'll dream of you:
my friends.
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volturiprincess · 11 months ago
Text
A late night conversation with Felix (Extended Version)
Felix Volturi x human mate reader
Summary: The conversation that happens between reader and Felix late at night when reader has a hard time falling asleep Warnings: None really, just some curse words and some mentions of smut but overall cute fluff A/N: I finally got to it and I got to say it was fun to write. its not really structured like a one-shot, its more like back and forth dialogue. Something different but I loved it. There will be a second A/N in the end. F/c: favorite color Word Count: 1060 🌹~~~~~~~~~~~🌹~~~~~~~~~~~~🌹~~~~~~~~~~~~🌹~~~~~~~~~~~~🌹
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(Mighty fine man)
I have been awake for the past hour chatting away with Felix. I am supposed to be sleeping but sleep appears to not be on my side currently. And it does not help that Felix just lets me talk away and does not even bother to make me fall asleep– but that is one of the many reasons why I love him. Our current situation right now is him barely fitting on the twin size bed in my dorm, his poor legs are dangling off the bed while I'm snuggled on top of him with his arms wrapped around me. This is not the first night where we have been like this, Felix likes to visit me as frequently as he can at night when he is not away on some mission or has a night guard shift. Even if I am currently in college (one that is close to Volterra), we spend a lot of time together either studying, going on dates, sex in the most risky places in my campus, and my favorite thing; lying in bed with him late at night talking about the most random crap to exist like now
“ Felix? Do you know why a raven is like a writing desk?”
I heard him take an unnecessary breath before he responded
“My dear little rose, sometimes you really are a mystery to me, what goes through that pretty head of yours when iIm not around?
“Well first of all school, and that stupid essay that's due tomorrow but then my mind wanders to you and your jaw dropping arms that just fits so perfectly around me or how your large hand makes quiet the nice necklace”
The way he gasp made me think I really did catch him off guard 
“And here I thought my little cara was a good girl and only focused on school”
“Well you thought wrong big guy, how am I supposed to think clearly when I have you as a lover? The way you know how to have me on my knees for you with just a look is just insane?”
Without even looking at him I knew he had that shark-like grin he gets when his ego is boosted which never fails to amuse me.
“You know the way you always compliment me with your modern words makes me fall for you more than you can imagine”
“Oh don't get soft on me yet big guy, you haven't even meet my delusional self when I lack sleep”
He chuckled slightly
“Oh cara, nothing could make me love you less”
“Hmmm, mind if I ask you something Fe?
“Anything amore”
“Do you have a switch? 
Dead silence once again with his small sigh 
“...No…..why?”
“Because I want to turn you on.”
The dead silence that came after made me think that I finally broke him but then the booming laugh that came out of him made me look up at him in shock. My eyebrows then furrowed in confusion when he calmed down after 5 minutes of laughter
“With that being said short stack you should get some rest, you need it”
“First of all, who are you calling short stack?”
“You obviously, look at you compared to me, you fit on this bed perfectly while im barely on it”
“Well it's not my fault you’re a whole ass unit of a man, look at you, I mean i'm not complaining, I love your size, but then again that's probably my size kink that clouds my mind when I see you”
In a teasing voice he replied
“Is that the only thing you think about when you see me, not my dashing smile, or my wonderful personality that can make you blush easily and make you weak in the knees”
“On the contrary I love those characteristics of yours, your more that I can handle half of the time”
He chuckles again and then says calmly
“Just close your eyes, i'll be here when you wake up in the morning”
“Like it's that easy Felix, you think I don't do that every night?’
“Well if you don't go to sleep then I will make you sleepy”
The dead silence after that was so thick that even Alec’s gift would be jealous.
“Is that a promise?”
He tilted my head slightly so I could look at him and he that look that look like he was going to eat me whole and that instantly sent an electric feeling of aroused to my core
“If you don't fall asleep soon then….no sex for a week”
The audacity of this man– well vampire has to deny me sex for a week is absurd, who does he think he is to say such a thing?
“You wouldn't dare”
“Oh but I will”
“You wouldn't last a day without being intimate with me”
“Oh but I managed to last centuries without having sex”
“Well I uh, now it's different Felix, found your mate now, you wouldn't last a day”
“So you want to bet on that then?”
“WHAT no, are you insane, i'm only saying you wouldn't last, me on the other hand, well that's a different story”
“Alright I won't deny you what you desire, but you need to sleep already tesoro, I don't want you to fall asleep in your classes”
“Well then you haven't met my english professor have you, he has this monotone voice that sounds like a combination of Kermit the frog and a flat line, I don't know whether to hold in a laugh or to fall asleep”
“Kermit the Frog? Who is that?”
“Oh right your like a million years old, he's a muppet and he's a frog obviously”
“A muppet? I never heard of that, is he like a puppet then?”
“In a way, you know what, tomorrow night we will have a movie night and I will show you the muppet movie, okay my love?”
“Alright, but now sleep or I will be serious about my threat”
“Ok ok, don't need to be dramatic now, look i'll close my eyes now”
Unfortunately the minute I closed my eyes, sleep over took me and I passed out in a minute in the coldness that naturally Felix releases and my f/c quilt draped over me that Felix got me for my birthday last year. 
~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: The part where I said about having a professor that has a voice combination of Kermit and a flat line is true. Anyways, I hope you like it and my I will start working on a Jasper one-shot, I got inspiration from a song recently so something to look forward to.
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thoughtsafterdark · 6 months ago
Text
Shoeboxes and Eggshells
When I was younger, carefree and naive.
Watching the raindrops that whipped and bent on the windows on the highway.
And the rolling storm grey clouds gather above
Listening to the radio and nodding off to sleep, eyelids heavy with sand and head foggy with warmth
I thought it was ridiculous how much of music is made up of love songs
Used to think it was impossible for them all to be genuine, how can one person love so much and so many times, falling into all the same traps.
But then I grew into a hopeless romantic.
I fall in love with fragments and shards of people, keep them in an old shoebox amongst pretty rocks from the beach and candy wrappers from fairs long gone. I nip and peck at them all, like a crow catching the glint of something shiny out of the corner of too-intelligent eyes. I collect half smiles and smirks, the curve of a thigh or hip, the swish of a bohemian white skirt on a beach in early June. Pearly laughter, bright and pink, nimble fingers and chocolate eyes. They pass through me like wisps, shadows in the night that leave only whispers in their wake. Imprints that weave and meld together like threads, like brands on my soul.
In August evenings, when the sun is low and the heat of the day evaporates into a balmy night, I like to play Badminton with my sister the way I used to play with him. And as I lunge for points, I listen to the angry, dark music I used to listen to with her, so I could prove that I was just as broken. Now I don't have to pretend anymore. I carry the pain of them all with me everywhere I go. With each one I could swear I lose a piece of myself. Theseus' ship, continuously replenished. But every time I am amazed at the tears I still have left to cry.
Now, sitting here with you in this newfound cocoon of solace I think I finally understand
The trouble with falling out of love and becoming someone else is there's no guarantee the new version of me won't fall for the new version of you.
We're no longer the bright eyed and bushy tailed fools we were two years ago. I'm angrier, rougher around the edges. I care now with a vicious edge that wasn't there before. The sort of kindness born not of softness but pressurised rage.
Your walk is slower, hunched over with responsibility and disappointment.
Yesterday you laid your head against the wall, throat bobbing and you told me you felt like a failed imposter, like you'll never be good enough. I feel for you but will you hate me if I say. That the ghost of the girl I was is glad that carefree boy who killed her is dead now too.
We left their graves in the dirt behind us as we outgrew those bodies.
We're growing up now, and that all feels so silly. A distant dream of who I used to be.
It's different now, but it still scares me. Because I can feel myself falling for you all over again. But it's warmer. Softer. Steadier. Based on an easiness that wasn't there.
I won't do anything this time I know. I can't bear to lose you again. But I'm scared of you leaving me so maybe I'll up and run
I'll just keep these embers stoked and warm, close to my heart to give my strength. Before another day rolls around where we're strangers again
Its easy now. We slot well together. Like well-worn cogs in the machine on this newfound eggshell thin camaraderie. Dependable, reliable. I know it won't last I miss you. I fucking hate you
How does it feel
To exist on so many levels at once
How is it that
You've mastered the superposition state
You're there and you aren't
Always and never
A text away but
Filled with hollow monosyllables and periods
Yes I am a romantic but you are my greatest mistake
 Never before have I fallen into the mouth of the same shark, and convinced myself the bite was that of someone who cared
I would chew off my own right arm to know what you were thinking when you look at me. Do you feel the same pit of squirming worms deep inside, the mix of pain and agony and bittersweet longing of what could have been. It's funny what tricks oxytocin plays on us. Do you know how it feels to cry over something that was never real. Do you wonder why we aren't friends anymore. Or am I so insignificant a fly the thought has never crossed your mind. Just someone you used to talk to, but don’t anymore
I'm sorry the mortifying ordeal of my love was so embarrassing for you, I'm sorry I lied. I wasn't who you thought I was. But in my defence, neither were you. The boy I loved lived only in my dreams. I built him myself, out of desperation and hunger. He was what I needed at the time. I'm sorry he had your face. You were just there, and I was lonely and afraid.
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