#i'll be interested to see what he does with the monkey because it sounds like he's trying for a more comedic tone?

[finalgirlminamurray]

the funniest example i have of an intended plot twist sailing completely over my head is when i watched the blackcoat's daughter for the first time and did not register that kiernan shipka and emma roberts were different people, nor did i consider for a second that we were supposed to think they were playing different characters. my faceblindness prevented me from telling two similar-looking blonde white women with the exact same hair color and style apart and so for me there was no big reveal that they were the same person. that was just...the movie i was already watching

when it first cut to "joan" at the bus station i just assumed that kat had snuck out and was going somewhere under a fake name, but of course when it cut back to the school and she was still there i figured out that these were two different time periods we were following at once. closest thing to a "twist" for me was confirming that "joan"'s story was in the future relative to rose and kat's. i did not realize how it was supposed to play until my usual routine of checking the wikipedia article for a full cast list after finishing the film. don't know how many other people had the same experience but that was mine

[kayhi808]

Hey girly!

Another idea what if Abby’s parents take her to see wicked and she just sings popular and defying gravity ALL the time. I also feel like Bucky isn’t into musicals but he would like wicked because he can relate to Elphaba so he and Abby see it a couple times after.

** spoilers**

Popular!

You're gonna be pop-u-lar!

I'll teach you the proper ploys

When you talk to boys

Little ways to flirt and flounce

Ooh!

You and Abby have been singing this song for days. It's been stuck in her head. She hasn't seen "The Wizard of Oz," but your read her the story. She was always too young and with her imagination, the Wicked Witch and the Wizard scenes would give her nightmares. She'll be waking you up telling you she saw the witch in her eyeballs.

But once Abby saw the commercials, the billboards, the ads in the Metro, on the sides of buses and taxis she's been begging and pleading daily to go. Arianna Grande as Glinda became Abby's obsession. That's all she talked about. She'd only wear her pink clothes. You were worried that some of the scenes would be too scary for your toddler. You told her you'd think about it.

Then Abby switched her attack to Bucky. "Papa, you knows what?"

Putting down his book & getting comfortable, "What, Abby?"

"Cans you pweeeease comes with me and Mama to sees Wicked?"

Bucky had no interest in going to watch that movie. Musical? Witches? They aren't on the top of his list of things to watch. Bucky scrunches his nose & groans, "Why can't just you and your Mama go?"

"Oh pwease! You had to come." Abby climbs on the couch to stand beside him & squish his face between her palms, "Cos, what if I gets scared? Only my Papa can save me." She gives Bucky big doe-eyes. "You'd keep me safe."

Bucky in a drawn out sigh, "Fiiinnne." Sucker!

"Yay!! I go tells Mama!" She bounces down on her butt & then off the couch. "Mama! Where's you??" She turns back to Bucky, "tank you, Papa," and continues her search for you.

******

The following weekend, you took in a matinee of Wicked. Abby was decked out in her finest pinkery, sitting between you and Bucky at the theater. She was so excited. She's been listening to the soundtrack for her after dinner dance parties all week. Your little girl was ready to get this party started! Currently, she's doing a happy wiggle because Bucky gave her popcorn to eat. Bucky looks over at you and gives you a wink.

Abby knows she's not supposed to talk during the movie, but that doesn't stop her from keeping 2 inches away from your ear, yakking non-stop. Being courteous to theater patrons doesn't apply to her Mama.

"I wants to ride in a bubble & have her dress."

"Why Gwinda don't like her??"

"Ooh her so smart in magic!"

"Look Mama, the cuuuute mans!"

"I want to be like Elphie & do's magic, too."

"That twain is not like the Metro."

The first part of the movie she was stuck to you like glue, but as soon as she saw the Wizard's big head, she hopped over into Bucky's lap & stayed safe with him. She did not like what happened to the monkeys either.

Abby was too young to catch all the nuances of the film, but she understood that the 2 friends weren't going to be together and she felt that & started to cry. Then at the end of Defying Gravity, you were in your chair trying to get your crying under control and Abigail was sobbing into Bucky's neck. He's rubbing her back trying to console her.

The lights come up & you reach for your baby. Abby leans over to grab you. "It's ok baby. It's just a movie."

Bucky moves closer and pats your head, "It's okay, Doll. It's just a movie." You give him a sad frown & he kisses your forehead.

"Abigail?" You pull away, trying to wipe her tears.

"She didn't go with Elphie, Mama. She stayed with the bad teacher and fake wizard! How could she?!"

"I know, baby. Everything was happening so fast for her."

"She the bad witch. Not Elphie. Mama?"

"Yes?"

"Elphie sing and I hear her with my ears & she sound so...the BEST! So pwetty. And then she sing loud and I hear her in my heart too..." Abby starts to cry again, "And it makes it like...too much, Mama." Abby places her palm against her heart and curls into you.

Bucky chuckles & kisses her head, "Lots of feelings?" He had to admit he enjoyed the movie so much more than he thought he would. "Too much feeling, huh?"

"Ya, too much."

"Well, you saw it. You don't have to see it again."

Abby's head whips up, "Oh, no! I wants to see it again!"

Confused, Bucky tries to reason with her, "Look how it made you cry."

Abby's chubby hands wipes away her tears, "Papa, it was the BESTEST!"

Girl Logic.

@waywardhunter95 @rebeccapineapple @ordelixx @onceithough @thezombieprostitute @ilovetaquitosmmmm @julvrs @unax @s-a-v-a-n-a-34 @winterslove1917 @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @mrsnikstan @hisredheadedgoddess28 @itsteambarnes @otterlycanadian @purplecolordeer @buckitostan @littleredwolf @mcucatlady @silas-aeiou @hzdhrtss @florie1 @thecubanator2 @enchantedbarnes @selella @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @cjand10 @pancake-05 @ozwriterchick @crazyunsexycool @baw1066 @nommingonfood @jvanilly

[canmom]

l'aventure de canmom à annecy - épisode deux: jeudi 2 - journey shadows

phew, two films back to back there, and i still haven't written up the short films this morning, this journalism thing is intense lol

first up: Journey of Shadows, strong example of how if you make your porn weird enough it becomes art that you can show at a film festival. (i mean, a regular film festival, not a porn film festival, those exist apparently!)

this one had a pretty damn unique style, CG but with the look of early raytracers rather than modern PBR/path tracing approaches. everything is smooth and shiny, lit by point lights that cast perfectly sharp shadows. it's a style of CG that all but disappeared even in the 90s.

the film is about a couple of pink, mannequin-like figures. they're almost identical and featureless, with the exception that one has a kind of skeletal hand made of geometric primitives, and the other does not. they seem pretty happy snuggling, swimming and being watched by their monkey and anglerfish, but a sort of shadowy figure starts to emerge from one, taking their sex in more violent directions like nipple amputation - rendered in a fascinatingly abstract, geometric way. skeleton hand drowns themselves, the monkey chokes, and a drone comes to take the other to prison.

from there things get all the more surreal. the journey goes into the depths of a pit, past clones of the dead lover locked in repetitive actions, and onto a boat, which catches fire, driving them into the sea, where they wash ashore and a crab cuts off their hand. and a whole lot of other stuff I can't describe.

it's a totally wordless movie, with the score carrying a lot to make us identify with these minimalist characters. I arrived a little late so while the director was there, I didn't hear everything he said. But he did mention how the addition of music and sound changed the feeling of his figures. In some ways, it felt like listening to a concert with the film providing a deeply strange visualisation...

... but not that strange, because while it's tricky to parse, it is a narrative movie. There are identifiable characters, a progression of places, a narrative logic. What I found really interesting is how this movie gets us to emotionally connect with its characters despite taking roughly the exact opposite approach to Flow, the other wordless movie. While Flow went all in on naturalistic movement and vaguely plausible animal behaviours, Journey of Shadows has its characters move with slow, geometric precision, and kind of revels in defying the principles of animation. Objects never fall down naturally, slowing unexpectedly before they hit the floor. A kiss is conveyed by clipping the tongue objects together. Nevertheless, it feels strangely intimate, in a meditative kind of way.

I didn't get to see the end of this movie since I had to duck out 10min early to run over to Anzu. So I don't know exactly what comes of the confrontation between mannequin and hand. It was pretty neat though.

I also saw Ghost Cat Anzu which was also a good fun movie - kind of A Letter to Momo if it took itself a bit less seriously - and a whole lot of short films, but I'll have to write about all that tomorrow morning, because I sleepy...

[sleekervae]

Okay, this might be long...

hi guys. so... obviously a lot has gone down in the past 48 hours. I didn't want to make opinions/assumptions at first because I wanted to see what more information would come up. As sad and disappointing as this whole drama with palaye is, let's please, please, please remember to be respectful of one another on the internet. Let's not bully one another about opinions and let's also not get too sucked into things that may or may not be our business.

I as a writer portray my subjects the way that I interpret them and their personalities to the best of my abilities, but I don't know any of the members of palaye or what they're like irl. From the people I've talked with who have met them, they've had really positive experiences so this does go both ways. I'll just reiterate again: let's not be mean to each other, please? I'm also not saying let's sweep this under the rug bc some of the behaviour being exposed is def not okay from a group that some people look up to. They're also human, and humans can be shitty. The point, however, is (hopefully) we learn from that behaviour and (again, hopefully) not repeat it. And in some cases, in order to not repeat it, people need to be called out.

As for Emerson, needless to say I'm disappointed and I'm also really sad for Shy. I'm of the belief (currently) that Emerson isn't a groomer; I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. What there's no doubt about is that cheating is cheating no matter how you slice it. We watched it happen publicly about three or four times this past year.

That being said -- and this is just me taking the high road -- but please don't share the nudes around on the internet. Just don't do it, it's gross. It certainly wasn't okay when it happened to Percy White, and it's still not okay. And yes, I know there's a difference between what's happening with Emerson and what happened with Percy, but still; there's a fine line to walk here.

The internet has a really interesting effect of pouring more and more gasoline on the fire, no matter whether the context is positive or negative. I don't agree with how the guys handled it at first with twitter (but I'm also of the opinion that twitter is just an on-fire garbage can that needs to be taken out) and they should've handled this privately. But again, let's be respectful to one another. Whether some of us like it or not, palaye are going to forge ahead. For the fan drama, I hope the guys get a wake up call to smarten up. As for Emerson's drama, it's shitty I know but cheating doesn't necessarily constitute getting thrown out of a band. It happened with the Arctic Monkeys and they're still forging ahead, too.

I'm going to be taking a little break from The Neighbour (I know it sounds dumb coming from me 'cause I take month long breaks in between chapters), but I'm not going away forever. Palaye Royale has still played a major part in my life the past four years and has gotten me through a lot of trauma. I'll still be posting other content, and if anyone every wants to reach out and chat you're more than welcome to!

If you made it through this whole thing, than you deserve a cookie! I'm not going to promise that everything is going to be okay, but please remember to be kind to yourselves and one another. :)

Edit-

Also to add; I've read a lot of people complaining about Palaye's merch being delayed, not delivered, no replies to emails, etc. I've experienced trouble with it too and I don't think that Austin guy they put in charge is very organized. Maybe he's great at setting up merch tables but running an online store and business is another can of worms. Either he gets his shit together or they should put somebody else in charge of the online stuff.

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 4th June

Well, another week, another bit of jaunty piano. Honestly, I think I underestimated the public appeal of jaunty piano to a 1950s audience, because it's been a remarkably resilient genre. I have no clue what the specific appeal was, but this one went to Number 1!

Roulette - Russ Conway (peaked at Number 1)

I've got no idea why this is called Roulette. It wasn't written for anyhting, and it doesn't sound obviously casino-ish. Nope, this is an ice cream van jingle, and nobody can convince me otherwise. It's jolly, it's cheery, and it's alarmingly similar to the Postman Pat theme, and that's really all there is to say about it.

(Actually, Postman Pat apparently debuted in 1981, and had a theme written by somebody called Bryan Daly, who could conceivably have been influenced by this. Or perhaps it's just a super basic tune).

As said, I have very little to say about this. Actually, this might just be the least I have had to say about a song so far? I like it more than Side Saddle, I think. It's just a bit faster, and the big descending scale at the start is kind of fun. Plus the guitar strumming along underneath gives it a bit more interest than Side Saddle had. That said, it does get irritating, oh, maybe 40 or 50 seconds into its total run time? Which is only just over 2 minutes, so that's kind of impressive (in a bad way).

I Go Ape - Neil Sedaka (peaked at Number 9)

While Roulette was tinkling around at Number 1, this song only reached Number 9 - further proof, if you needed it, that chart performance is not the same as actual quality. Because this is a pretty serviceable, if silly, boogie woogie song, with a novelty monkey theme. Not earth-shattering, but fun, nonetheless!

Neil was one of a generation of upcoming songwriters, mostly based in New York out of the Brill Building. We've heard his work already, in Connie Francis' Stupid Cupid, and honestly, you can kind of tell - this has the same sort of goofy sense of humour, packing in sass and one-liners all over the place. Except this time, it's Neil himself performing. But yeah, with a few lyrical tweaks, I could see Connie also killing it on this one!

It starts with a real attempt to sound serious. The opening, in particular, with the backing singers' soft oooohs could be the opening for a proper rock and roll ballad, with proper soft, cliché lyrics about how the moon is bright above / Oh what a night for love / And as I hold you near / I whisper in your ear...

And then, a little pause, almost like you can see Neil smile, knowing the barrage of silly lyrics he's about to hit you with. The backing instruments go berserk, and suddenly we're in it, with lyrics about how I go ape every time I see you smile and how I'm a ding dong gorilla and I'll carry you caveman style. It's a solid shtick, and it just keeps coming, as Neil tells us how I'm a monkey's uncle who's a cousin to a chimpanzee, and ranga tanga ring ting tong / I'm related to old King Kong. Indeed like a barrel of monkeys on an abadaba honeymoon / I go a-squealing' and a-screechin' and a-howlin' like a big baboon. He'll bring his love bananas and coconuts, and they'll live in a zoo together - like I said, silly. But it kind of works, just beacuse of the sheer volume of them, and the way that Neil keeps them coming.

I think the other thing that sets this song apart from other novelty songs that I've liked less is that it's also just pretty good and solidly-made, musically. Throwaway novelty's fine, but I like my songs to have a bit of substance, under the hood. There's nothing worse, to me, than a novelty song that sounds disposable, or like the performers don't actually care about it. Thankfully, that's not the case here - everybody involved sounds like they're fully commited to the bit, even with lyrics about swinging from coconut trees and going full prehistoric on your lover. Neil, in particular, sounds like he's having the time of his life!

Conceptually, it reminds me of nothing more than the Disney song The Monkey's Uncle, from the film of the same name. That film came out in 1965, but the vibe's remarkably similar - and not just because of the monkey puns! Much like this song, it's a song that lives or dies on also being a decently made, well-performed rock and roll number - a Sherman Brothers number performed by the Beach Boys, no less! I had it on a compilation album of Disney songs, growing up, and it's a bop, not gonna lie.

I think my favourite of these two should be obvious. Neither song's exactly required listening, but one's miles more interesting and less irritating. Plus, I learnt that the Beach Boys were involved in a song I've known since I was a small kid. Which isn't strictly related to this song, but was a cool fact I didn't know.

Favourite song of the bunch: I Go Ape

[chaos-in-the-making]

YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND

****

The sun created a heavy scent of wildflowers in the air that mixed with fresh grass, an unmistakable smell of summer. It was a rare quiet afternoon, and the pair of human wives were collecting herbs and flowers, depending on their mood, while Inuyasha lounged in the shade, surrounded by the remnants of their meal. It was an impromptu picnic, driven by Rin's desire to spent time with her sister in law as they discussed their ever changing pregnancy symptoms. Inuyasha was there because he couldn't stand Kagome being out of his sight for more than ten minutes in her vulnerable state. The sound of their laughter was relaxing in the afternoon warmth.

He was only just starting to doze off when his nose alerted him to a new presence, and hos shoulders briefly tensed.

"Is this blanket large enough for two?"

Sesshoumaru's voice was low and unthreatening, and before Inuyasha could even think about the implications he shrugged and said "sure."

The large demon settled like a cloud on the other side, tucking his arms into his sleeves like a damn noble. Inuyasha waited for something to happen. For Rin to notice her husband and come skipping over. But the women were engrossed in their task, bent over a clump of wildflowers with their backs to the trees. The minutes stretched on, with just a hint of awkwardness between them.

Finally Sesshoumaru broke the silence. "Is your wife feeling better in the mornings?"

Your wife. Sesshoumaru rarely used names, but still the title gave Inuyasha a flushed sensation in his chest.

"Huh? Mornings? Oh! Y-yes, she's much better. Rin told you she was having a hard time, right?" A single grunt was the only answer. "Of course! Yeah. I'm glad kagome can keep more than broth down. Kaede said she's finally gaining weight."

Sesshoumaru nodded in acknowledgement, then they fell into silence, the kind that made Inuyasha itchy. His brother had actually expressed interest. What should he do? What was the right response?

"Uh... h-how about Rin? She seems like she's got more energy."

Was it his imagination, or did Sesshoumaru sigh with relief?

"I thought she would sleep forever," the older man replied. His gaze was soft on the two women in the field. "It is good to see her outside once more."

Inuyasha understood the sentiment. Watching Kagome be sick for two months straight had been agony. They lapsed once more into silence, but it was more relaxed than before. Inuyasha leaned back on his palms, finding it strange how natural it felt with Sesshoumaru close by.

After a while the demon shifted his weight ever so slightly. "Does your wife have... strange tastes?"

Inuyasha blinked as his awareness returned. "Huh? Strange tastes in what?"

"Food, primarily. Rin has been requesting goats milk for some time now. Then she demands sweet rice. Is this a womanly trait?"

Inuyasha barked a laugh. "Yeah, Kagome gets those cravings, too. Only its worse for me, because she wants snacks from the future that she can't get here. A week ago she was crying because she wanted ramen, and last night she was weepy for ice cream." God, he missed ice cream.

Sesshoumaru tilted his head at the strange words, but accepted the explanation. "There is ice on the north mountains that does not melt. Would that satisfy her?"

Inuyasha bolted up straight. "You would do that? Bring back some ice before it melts?"

"Jaken will have it done."

Inuyasha leapt to his feet, excited at the prospect of giving Kagome a taste of home. "I'll trade for some sugar and ask Sango for some cow's milk! If you bring enough ice we can make different flavors for Kagome and Rin! What's her favorite fruit?"

Sesshoumaru thought for only a second. "Melon."

"HA! Those are in season. You grab the ice, I'll grab the rest. If Kagome doesn't kiss us both for this, I'll be a monkey's uncle!"

Sesshoumaru wrinkled his nose at the thought of the miko being so familiar with his body. Rin's touch was all he needed. Even so, he stood up to seek out his vassal and deliver the precious ice.

Whatever the women wanted, the husbands would provide.

Imagining Inuyasha and Sesshomaru sitting and actually having a nice civil conversation but it’s because they’re talking about their human wifeys

[evilwickedme]

Hi there I would like to say I’m interested in the deadpool homophobia rant

hi there! many thanks to you

so the "deadpool homophobia rant" is... a little complicated. I'll try to keep it short because God knows I talk about Wade too much as it is on this hellsite. the point, before we go into literally any detail, is that the writing surrounding deadpool's sexuality is deeply problematic, both in its representation and its consequences in-narrative to him as a person, but I'll try to just focus on the facts.

we all know that deadpool is omni/pan, right? wrong. well, not wrong. just not... quite as solidly canon as we'd like. this is the only reference the actual word gets in canon:

this is from the posehn & duggan 2012 run (my beloved), although don't ask me to hunt down the specific issue, please, that sounds like a nightmare. suffice it to say that it's from the letter section at the end of one of the issues and that it's the only time I can find the actual word referenced anywhere with regards to our boy. you may remember that it was confirmed at some point - yeah, in a since deleted tweet. despite being attracted to anything from aliens to death herself, wade is not allowed to go past plausible deniability when it comes to heterosexuality.

that doesn't mean that wade doesn't express attraction to men, because he does, and often.

(from deadpool team up #887)

(from an early issue of spider-man/deadpool. 2, I think. maybe 3)

(from the daniel way 2008 run, again, don't make me dig up an issue please, but it's the one where he teams up with spider-man to defeat hit-monkey)

(there's also a few panels floating around online where he expresses attraction to cable but I don't have those saved on my laptop. I remember seeing one where wade fantasizes about rubbing sun screen on cable's back? but again, do not have those saved.)

anyway, the point is, wade absolutely gets to express attraction to men, and constantly. but only at his own expense. only when the joke will land. only when he gets to immediately say "no homo". only because he's already quirky and weird and insane, so of course he's also attracted to men, he's not all there, after all.

I'll try not to let this cross over to a connected but wholly separate rant about the ableism in his writing, but it's all connected, at the end of the day.

and it would be one thing if deadpool wasn't a relationship guy. but, although he's absolutely terrible at it, deadpool makes stab after stab at monogamy - always with women. he's a sleezeball, really. constantly asking women out, super and non-super, whether they're in any way interested or not. posehn & duggan pull back from this a little, and instead have him get married to shiklah, in a special issue dedicated to "every time deadpool has gotten married" (or at least thought he did). they got a bunch of previous deadpool writers and artists to contribue to the issue. somehow every single marriage was to a woman, even if she was literally an alien. bc deadpool's attraction to a woman is a tragedy, but at least it's a story; wade's attraction to a man is a joke. his one "relationship" with a man is with madcap, who abuses him from inside his head. they call it "falling in love":

(from deadpool annual #1, from uh... 2013? 2014?)

... but madcap's nothing but horrifically abusive towards wade when they're "together" (as in fused together with madcap playing the role of "white box") and the first arc in the 2015 duggan run is madcap deliberately fucking up deadpool's life because he won't take him back. not exactly a positive canon relationship. shiklah treats wade better.

deadpool also likes to dress in a typical feminine or gay coded fashion, and it's constantly questioned or made fun of by the people around him:

(from the deadpool musical issue)

(I actually had to google this one, I don't know where it's from for sure but it's pre-2012 (cause... boxes) and I'm pretty sure it's from cable & deadpool. no idea beyond that what issue or anything)

we see a constant, then, of deadpool expressing attraction to men and his gnc presentation, and yet the narrative never respects him for it. it plays it for laughs, plays the plausible deniability card, and despite wade himself seemingly being comfortable with his sexuality it is never presented as a good thing or even a neutral thing. deadpool's sexuality shines through despite what seems to be the writers actively fighting against it. and it doesn't have to be this way. nobody made them write him as pan in the first place, although, yes, I'd be sad if he wasn't, and more importantly, nobody made anyone write his pansexuality like this. it's in the movies too, to a lesser extent. it's frustrating and exhausting and it's deeply homophobic.

I love wade. he deserves better.

[28whitepeonies]

Hi bea

Hope you're doing well. Do you have a ranking of all tracks for fitf yet? I am curious to know, if you are comfortable sharing of course. :)

Hello anon

Indeed I do, and if you don't mind I'll commentate my ranking choices because I haven't ever been succinct!

Silver tongues - I think this is potentially my favourite song he's made ever. I think that live experience really comes through on the very best songs

Written all over your face - a very, very close second. I live for the kind of snarky lyrics and early Arctic Monkeys vibe

That's the way love goes - I think this was done a bit dirty by the songs preceding it, I bought the 2 vinyl deluxe and I can only assume it was a deliberate choice to have D side with four quite slow, ballad-y songs but I think it didn't do this justice. Anyway, I love it, it is very reminiscent of the streets to me and I spent a while listening to nothing but a grand don't come for free as a teenager.

Chicago - won't hear any slander, it's a banger to belt out in the car, in the lift, in the shower, literally anywhere

Lucky again - Okay was interested in the changes between the leaked version and this, this version defo fits the album a lot better and the lyrics give me all the feels

Out of my system - wasn't my fave as a single but hearing it on the album I enjoy it more. It's short and punchy and I think the drumbeat will slap live!

The greatest - Great opener, not my fave but think it will be banging for live shows and does a pretty good job at setting the tone of the album.

She is beauty we are world class - the chorus reminds me a lot of The Killers - 'are we one or are we two/are we me or are we you'/'are we human or are we dancer'. It got a lot more interesting after the toilet story because I enjoy how very silly and British that feels, so it has moved up about 5 places as a result.

Holding on to heartache - I think if it was a tiny bit faster or louder I'd bump it up a few spots. Lyrically it's pretty great, the whole 'you say I wear it like a crown' it's just a bit slow and in my humble opinion had it been placed elsewhere on the tracklist I might have been more generous.

All this time - When it comes on I enjoy it, but I am liable to forget it exists otherwise so it gets a mid spot

Face the music - I want to love it for the line 'I don't wanna face the music but I still wanna dance with you' but it feels a wee bit cliche for me personally

Common people - How do you name a song after the banger that is that brit-pop classic and then release what is a lyrically great song but imo just way too slow? I think it could have punched you in the guts but it's more of a wet slap.

Saturdays - Every time I see the title I think of Sam Fender's song Saturday, and they share some similar themes - 'if Saturday don't come soon I'm gonna lose my mind/we used to say Saturdays take the pain away' and I wouldn't be surprised to hear that was part of the influence, it's just that I like Sam's song more.

Headline - We obv got the lyrics way ahead of the songs release and I expected this to go hard and be like noisy, which is obviously a me problem, but it didn't live up to expectations for me. It's fine, I love the way he sounds when he sings the second verse it's just not one I'll play on repeat

Angels fly - I think it's fine, I just don't connect to it a lot

Bigger than me - sorry but I think it's really boring, it's the only song I sometimes skip and in response pls enjoy my favourite scene from Gavin & Stacey

Two things to add overall

First is that I am of course a hater and more likely to comment on stuff I don't like than the opposite so I wanna be really really clear that I do actually really really like this album. There are a couple of things I think will change by LT3 and I am very very excited for tour and for what comes next.

Second, I am really excited to hear the live arrangements and wonder if he'll make any changes - one of my fave songs is Regretamine by Louis Dunford and on it's initial release it was a proper slow one but he really amped it up for live shows and it slaps so much more. Louis can perform his songs however he wishes to, but I am looking forward to hearing his set live because I think it is clear he has really crafted them with that in mind x

[ineffableigh]

Nazi Flesh Eaters minisode time! Second pass I guess I dunno anymore lol. We open to Aziraphale getting harassed by Shax in the car first.

"Can you be an angel?" what a Tell lol.

I can't tell what the noise in the background is during the Bitch Eyebrow but there's something there. Something bestial and sassy lol.

Aziraphale looking around all confused when Shax mentions him and Crowley being 'an item'. You know he Knows but didn't realize OTHERS knew too.

I just noticed that two characters with Job and Sitis' costumes are present early on in the intro sequence, BUT they have Crowley's glasses on. That's... very interesting.

Nearly everyone in the intro queue does, and there's a mix of costumes with ostensibly random heads. For example, a Jimbriel's Bling Suit but the head is some beardy guy with some peacock feathers, while there's a peacock further back.

Cue spooky "London 1941" title card in a squiggly old horror movie font, complete with old film noise. Love the green angel statue in the foreground on the right harshly contrasted with the angry red flames of London burning dramatically.

As expected we see Crowley first, in the exact pose from the end of Season 1 before the bomb falls.

I'm still wondering about that eagle statue. It sounds like eagle statues are commonly found in English churches but I've yet to find any that look REMOTELY like the one here, and somehow it survives a bombing? That statue is IMPORTANT somehow.

"The symbolism of the eagle derived from the belief that the bird was capable of staring into the sun and that Christians similarly were able to gaze unflinchingly at the revelation of the divine word. [Wikipedia > Eagle Lectern]" Ah shit that's uh. THat's important as hell lol.

"Furcifer" so THAT'S why he's called Furfur lol, otherwise I thought that was a bizarre name lol.

Love Crowley's "What the fuck are you doing...?" face as Aziraphale volunteers to be the magician rofl.

Hmm so 1941 Azi has the Hella Tattered Waistcoat, I'll have to dig around in older shots later.

Crowley has a fucking leather necktie, what a fancy bastard lol. His button down shirt is freaking moleskin too, he loves texture.

I'm still so suspicious of that octagonal box with the bird on top that Goldstone shows Aziraphale, but we never find out what's in it. It's clearly a custom box as the bird wobbles when it's bumped into, but otherwise I dunno. I THINK it looks an awful lot like a nightingale.

I could swear it has freaking eyes on the side of it WHAT IS THAT BOX

They're really Chekov's Gun-ing hard on that gun Azi keeps in the bookshop with how long they linger on the subject lol, INCLUDING one of the Nazis looking over at that moment.

When Azi and Crowley are discussing him doing the shooting, the box is framed JUST left of frame of Crowley the entire discussion. WHAT IS ITTTTT

I would LOVE to see the difference in the magic show between what we got and the version where Aziraphale is retelling it in his journal, because you KNOW it would be way more dramatic lol.

I wonder what the hell Crowley was spaced out bout so much that he fuckin' missed the volunteer call for the damn trick LOL.

This really is the weirdest scenario too, cause like so many other people have said, they can just fuckin' LEAVE and NOT shoot each other in the face rofl. They're so In On living the human life that they like. Forgot? It's bizarre/hilarious.

There's a threatening background rumble as soon as Crowley gets on the stage. He/they are scared shitless lol.

Y'know, it felt an awful lot like Crowley's aim was being pulled toward Aziraphale's face, and he shifted at the last second. There's a lot of suspicious SFX in the background that whole drawn out sequence. Unlikely, but it'd certainly explain why that took so long besides the bit where poor Crowley's shitting himself lol.

Dubious scene where Crowley doesn't remember Furfur - "You used to jump on my back like a little monkey in a waistcoat". I wonder what this will end up meaning. xD

Yo how kickass is the ink drawing of Aziraphale in Furfur's reference book???

Jesus Aziraphale's 'low voice' really is super different, damn lol

If this is primarily Crowley's memory of the event it certainly explains why we very much didn't see Aziraphale switch the photo out either, because he says he didn't lol.

That's it for minisodes and these got REALLY LONG so I'll leave it here while I digest what it could mean if most minisodes are from Crowley's perspective versus an 'impartial' account, and ditto for Azi and the Resurrectionist episode.

Edit: OK more thoughts for later lol

I do wonder why Hell is so short staffed. Furfur was going to give Shax 100 demons, and it went WOMP WOMP and lowered itself to 70. Did everyone find a spouse and fuck off? Rofl

"He's just an angel... I know." I often wonder about the way Crowley delivers this line, it's just. So very odd lol. It's like he choked on it halfway through when he realizes he's just called his Angel Angel in front of someone again lol.

Shax had a 'legion' of 70 demons before she nuked eric so now they only have 69. Lol.

I find it interesting in the intro sequence that we seem to have multiple Heaven/Hell Elevators but many of them look to be broken/out of service. Heaven and Hell seem to be increasingly disinterested/disconnected with earth.

The music during Crowley confronting Jimbriel is chilling as hell, damn.

"Looking where the furniture isn't" is gonna be so, so important. My money's on Crowley having had a memory wipe and hurt himself immeasurably by remembering it gradually by force.

HA the scene transition to heaven/the matchbox right after, you hear flies. x'D

OH my god. I was trying to figure out what Ms Cheng was looking at, she's looking at the PUB. WHERE THE HELLEVATOR IS. SHE'S LOOKING FOR THEM TO ARRIVE?!? LUCKY SERPENT INDEED

Man it's gonna turn out that Nina's the only person who is either Real or hasn't been tampered with by the Metatron. Everyone but her at the party is Way Too Affected by Azi's magic setup compared to her. Like Justine and her husband are fuckin skipping in a circle holding hands with a few others rofl.

Like Mr Brown STILL has his fuckin clipboard with the SAME NEWSPAPER HEADLINE ABOUT THE DUCK IT HASN'T CHANGED ALL SEASON THIS IS SUSPICIOUS.

I had to search hard but Mutt's Spouse's huge snake tattoo is a real tattoo! So convenient, not necessarily A Clue™. The pearl cross earrings on the other hand...

Gonna take a break but I'll be back lol

Re: Aziraphale's Magic Show...

So many things are WEIRD as hell this season, but something that still sticks with me.

What's with the sudden INTENSE shaky-cam? It's so cartoonishly over the top that entire scene and it's super drawn out. It just really stands out from the rest of the series to me. Suspicious.

I gotta make myself a list of all the 'flashbacks' versus title card styles cause the shaking starts as soon as Crowley begins loading the gun and he's putting on gusto. I wonder if this is a Crowley memory... It feels like it must be, I don't think we've ever got a first person view of his, INCLUDING hearing the ringing in his ears and his heavy breathing as he gets ready to shoot. HMM!

EDIT: Okay so we have 4 minisodes. THREE of them have very unique title card openings (Before the Beginning, Nazi Zombie Flesheaters, Land of Uz) and in THESE we see Crowley on screen first. The fourth is Aziraphale writing his journal account of the Resurrectionist events.

Gonna go back and watch again with this in mind and see what else I find!

[hisakata-resutomoshibi]

Matteo Rossi 👀

Why, I'm so glad you asked! He is truly a saint and perhaps I am biased but he deserves the entire Earths fill of love!! I shall do my best to explain his perfection as it is a rather complicated story-

He is a priest, more specifically an exorcist, directly from the Vatican, was born in 1459 (the first time), and joined the church as soon as he was old enough. His best friend was a fellow student named Silvio, and even though their personalities are about as opposite as can be (I think most of you coming here from Contrition can make a guess who Silvio is 💔) they get along amazingly well.

There are whisperings of vampires and werewolves around the city but no one seems to put much stock in them. Matteo, being a gossip and drama slut, hunts up and hoards every story and rumor he can and after a while begins to see the stirrings of correlation between things going on and the wild claims. Deciding to take up the mantle of proving the theories true, he gets in a little too deep.

(I can be more specific for anyone curious! but I'm actually writing it so if you rather read the book (LOL) I'll have updates on it soon!! I'M SO EXCITED.)

He makes a hasty decision and then dedicates his life to righting it, asking to live until he can fix his mistake, and in a very monkeys paw esque way, ends up repeatedly reincarnated.

(He remembers every past life.)

Despite losing the chance at eternity, doomed forever to live and die again and again, he remains cheerful and positive. ("This way at least, I know that I can truly do all in my power to help others. And perhaps, someday, if he hasn't already found someone capable of doing what I could not, I will see my friend again. I seem to get overwhelmed with the need to apologize every decade or so-")

That's the general idea, now excuse me as I wax poetic about my love-

He's very smol, only about 5'6", and has curly, auburn hair, that's soft and wild and no matter what he does never lies flat. He keeps it short (convenience) but sometimes forgets to have it cut and even then it ignores gravity. His face is long and angular but he still manages to look young, and has a slightly tan complexion and freckles for days; there are even a couple on the backs of his hands. (Anyone that hasn't seen- there's a picture of him floating around somewhere on my blog 👍💕)

He plays the violin best but is also quite adept at the organ (and subsequently in later lifetimes the piano). When the choir needs someone to fill in when their usual accompanist is unavailable, he is always requested and is more than happy to help because he loves choir but is, unfortunately, banned from ever singing- he's completely tone deaf and too loud (because he's too enthusiastic lol). Sometimes, as thanks for his help, they allow him to join in a practice session but there's never any improvement made.

Almost everything makes him happy and it has been posited by several people that he's a bit simple but in reality he's just loving and optimistic, finding joy and fulfillment in even mundane things like the sound of water over river stones, revolving hotel doors, seeing the tops of the clouds from an airplane, and donut holes (though strawberry cream tarts are his favorite🍓). It's one of his greatest strengths and faults.

His interests tend to veer towards "boring, old man pursuits" like bottling ships, reading autobiographies, pressing leaves/flowers, and strangely enough, creating topographical maps, but he's quite good at making it seem interesting enough that people seem to end up learning something against their will every time he starts explaining.

He's endlessly patient and yet tests everyone else's patience with his energy and enthusiasm and ceaseless jokes and pranks. No matter the situation he can lighten the mood or cheer someone up, and despite it always working, usually the person targeted is annoyed too haha. It seems like the only one capable of remaining cranky and pessimistic around him is Silvio. (But even so, even Matteo has his limits in benelovent understanding- usually reached the easiest by Mr. Bombadillo.)

Most of his time was spent teaching children, either during service, or from the orphanage, at request, etc. He likes to play music for them and writes them silly songs and stories; they at least seem to appreciate his singing. When he chose to branch out and become an exorcist, almost everyone thought it was a terrible idea- that he would be too weak or soft, or get killed immediately, but he's the picture of proficiency. They think that he's too naïve but in reality he is capable of doing what needs to be done because he's so pure and selfless. He can put aside his own misgivings and suffering for thre greater good. He doesn't fear death and throws himself headfirst into things others wouldn't or that he shouldn't, but it's never a case of bungling a situation or half-assing it. Even though he will just be reincarnated, he takes it seriously- he treasures his life because "it's a gift from God and it would be a grave insult to allow it to be unnecessarily cut short."

He has a pistol, primed and ready to go with silver bullets, but prefers the silver coated knife he carries up his sleeve. He hates to kill, more than anything, but will do so when it's needed, and uses the blade because it's more personal. "I want to feel the consequences of my actions, lest I ever forget what I have done."

An important distinction between Matteo and others is that, despite his guilt and regrets, he doesn't allow himself to harbor any self hatred. He can take responsibility but doesn't let it skew his perspective or sense of worth. "What good would it be to add my miseries to a world already so full? All I can do is pray to be the one that can lift someone else's sorrows and hurts."

He gives off that "love and protect me" vibe (big puppy dog eyes- which he can and will use to his advantage, mostly to get dessert off your plate or switch nightly chores with you) but in reality he's usually one of the most useful, reliable people in the room. Though he's not naturally "good at everything", he's a quick study and learns easily. His memory is fantastic (and endlessly annoying to Silvio) but despite that he keeps a diary. Mostly it lists things he saw that made him smile that day, and is also used to keep track of his vegetable garden (he's the Radish King).

...... I'll stop now.......

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. SOME ONE SEND HELP.

(Also @niccodoesart this might interest you~ 🙏💜)

[sweetescapeartist]

MY DBS MANGA CHAPTER 72 REVIEW... 😒

Hey there... Here comes the review.

Imma start like this and use language some ppl may find offensive. Goku, Vegeta, & Granolah are retarded. Now that that's out of the way, time to dissect this "Dragon Ball Super coloring book."

Goku & Vegeta land on the planet & its peaceful. How are they not immediately suspicious? They see that the planet isn't in danger & no death. Its obvious they need to ask a question to figure out what lies they've been told.

I was gonna say its dumb for Granolah to be able to supress his ki because it seems only Earthling have that kind of spiritual understanding. But Namekians have that spiritual understanding too so maybe Monaito taught Granolah how to suppress his ki.

I lost interest in the Heeters' past. You can only tease me so long until I stop caring. At least mention something like Freeza almost killed Gas on planet Cereal so now that's why Gas keeps trying to get stronger. There's so little info about "important" stuff that's supposed to be important. Give readers a tease, hint, a different hint, some valuable info, then another hint, then a reaveal (or something similar!) Instead its tease, hint, tease, tease, hint, tease...

In all honesty, the chapter didn't even need that page with Gas & Elec. When Maki said Gas & Elec are coming, that was all we needed to know. Then we anticipate their arrival in the next chapter. Showing them is a waste of time & they add no real purpose to the chapter. That was just a waste of ink.

Also I'm bored of Gas now. He only looks interesting but does nothing. 👎

Granolah shoots at Goku & Vegeta. Base Goku closes his eyes to use UI (UI Omen?) while Vegeta goes SS. Base Goku dodges easier than Vegeta. Goku is leagues beyond Vegeta.

A better way to have Goku & Vegeta encounter Granolah would be for him to snipe at them right when they get off the ship. Granolah wanted to kill them so bad so why wait for them?

Somehow they go towards Granolah but he's too fast for them & they lose him. They can't sense him firing ki for some reason. Idk why Goku didn't use Instant Transmission when Granolah shot ki at them?

I don't get why Goku closes his eyes either. Its as if Goku can't use UI now unless his eyes are closed but that wasn't the case before. Eyes were opend when using UI Omen & Mastered UI. Toyo could have conveyed that better but instead he's making Goku close his eyes like how Roshi covered his eyes when fighting those prisoner women because their beauty distracted him. Is Goku distracted by Granolah's beauty or something?

Wait a sec... I gotta backtrack real quick. Goku used the Ultra Instinct technique in his base & didn't go into Ultra Instinct Omen? But thats him using it in base right? Oh boy... This is about to get dumb...

Ultra Idiot Goku & Super Stupid Vegeta are surprised that the guy having the title of "strongest in the universe" is capable of moving faster than them when they aren't at full power. Such genius writing.

Goku gets shot in the neck... & it knocks him out... Ok. But later Granolah comments on how Goku's body moves on it's own before Goku can even process an attacks. Not to mention Goku & Whis have said the same thing. Goku should be untouchable at this point, but for some reason he is not.

So, Vegeta takes a senzu bean from his "training bra" and gives it to Goku. For some reason they decided to only take 2 senzu when knowing they would fight a guy possibly stronger than them. Stupid monkeys.🐒 (I'm starting to sound like Freeza now)

How did unconscious Goku eat a senzu? Yaoi fans would had loved it if Vegeta chewed the senzu up for Goku and fed it to him. Sorry, it just reminded me of Trunks spitting senzu mush into Mai's mouth since she was unconscious.

Then we have this dialogue from "sensei" Vegeta, The Ultra Instinct Expert...

"You rely on Ultra Instinct too much! If you haven't perfected it yet, then dodge using your mind!" - Vegeta

"Yeah, you're right..." - Goku

"WTF Toyotaro!" - DB Meta

... I'm unsure who is the stupid one in this situation. Is it Goku or Vegeta? It could be Vegeta because UI is the ultimate technique that allows you to move without thinking. But Vegeta says that because Goku hasn't perfected Ultra Inst-...

...

...

Sorry, I had to restart my brain...

Didn't... didn't Goku master Ultra Instinct? Silver hair? Silver eyes? MASTERED/PERFECTED ULTRA INSTINCT? Before that, Goku perfected Ultra Instinct Omen & could go in it at will... So, Goku is listening to Vegeta tell him he hasn't mastered UI? But both know that Goku did master UI? What does Vegeta know? Vegeta can't even use UI.

I almost stopped reading the rest of the colouring book when I got to that dialogue.

Also, Granolah wants to kill Saiyans, so why is he holding back and not hitting them with deadly attacks. He only needs one alive anyways. He said so himself.

At least there was a good pose Goku was in. The art looked nice there.

Now here's another place I almost quit reading. Granolah apparently has all the abilities of Goku & Vegeta. Hack writing. Sounds like a Moro, 7-3, & Cell copy cat. Toyo just cant leave the Cell saga alone.

Granolah is bumping his gums & rattling his tongue (old slang for "talking a lot") but when Vegeta asks if Granolah holds a grudge against Saiyans, Granolah suddenly says that's enough talking. He responded to them 3 times & spoke like 5 sentences to them. If you're gonna chat then chat. If you hate Saiyans then don't say anything to them & try to kill them. Dummy.

Granolah uses Hakai. But aparently he's not using Hakai or Instant Transmission. Its just "similar." Sure. Confirms that he has been using something similar to UI in previous chapters too.

Granolah says they're stronger than expected because they escaped into the air. Escape doesn't equal strenght. Mai escaped Goku Black, doesn't mean she's extremely strong.

But seriously, Vegeta saying he's gonna prove his training is better than Goku is stupid. He wants to prove he is better than Goku yet he tells Goku to fight first (that's beta). It's as if he isn't confident & wants Goku to wear Granolah out first, so he can come in and look impressive. Kinda like in RoF after Freeza was tired from fighting Goku & Vegeta wasn't tired at all & he easily beat Freeza up. Looked cool, but actually wasn't too impressive.

Granolah saying that he's gonna shoot them if they don't fight him is ridiculous. Why is he showing mercy to the tribe that didn't show his ppl mercy? Why give chances to the ppl you wanted revenge on for years? Realistically he would just start blasting at them.

Unecessary dialogue from Vegeta talking to himself about how he needs to learn who Granolah is. Show don't tell Toyo.

Why is Granolah waiting for the Oozaru form? Maybe he wants to kill them in that form? What about revenge? Just kill them.

Goku screamed to power up from SS to SSG. That's possibly dumb, but I gotta let at least 1 thing slide this chapter.

Why did Granolah let them power up? So unlike what we've been shown what Granolah is like. Why would he want to give "murderers" of his entire race a fair chance to fight him?

Next, Goku doesn't try to explain he isn't savage like other Saiyans when Granolah accuses his kind of being so. Instead Goku just agrees & says "Oh... Yeah." I guess he really just wants to fight. I can't tell if this is OOC or just magnifying a Saiyan flaw of Goku just to push the story along. Idk. I'm losing brain cells reading this chapter.

Granolah's fighting stance is cool. Hey, look. I said a nice thing. (But why is he doing close combat when being a sniper us his specialty?)

So, Goku uses UI in SSG form... Bruh, is Ultra Instinct a technique, a state of mind, or a transformation? I'll tell you what it is. ULTRA INSTINCT IS A PLOT DEVICE! It does whatever Toyotaro decides at the moment. So freaking inconsistent... 😓😒

Ultra Instinct becomes more accurate when in conjunction with a SS form?! How tho? I thought it was just a goldy technique that needed a clear mind and control or whatever. Or is UI a transformation like Toyo stated many times in previous chapters, while also calling UI a technique? How can mixing a godly "technique" with a SS form enhance it better than Goku simply using UI Omen? It doesnt! Vegeta, you can just shut up! Every time you talk about UI, you've been wrong! It should be illegal impersonating an UI Expert.

Goku is using the Ultra Instinct technique in base form against Granolah.

UI Omen is Goku using the Ultra Instinct technique in base form.

Goku uses Ultra Instinct technique in the Super Saiyan God transformation.

Mastered UI is Goku mastering the technique or maybe using the technique as a transformation? (Toyo is confusing.)

So why isn't Goku going into UI Omen when using UI in base? Why does Vegeta say "Ultra Instinct... becomes more accurate when used in conjunction with a Super Saiyan form"? Does that mean Mastered UI is a Saiyan form in conjunction with the Ultra Instinct technique? So, there's an unknown silver haired Saiyan transformation that Goku was utilizing in conjunction with Ultra Instinct? I guess this confirms that "Super Saiyan Blanco" is real y'all.

I suppose that if UI in base isn't the same as UI Omen, then by that logic, there is also an unknown "Super Saiyan Noir" form we haven't seen yet.

I'm done with Ultra Instinct in the manga. Toytaro doesn't know if UI is a technique or a transformation. I could explain it better than him, but I'm not tye one writing official material. Why should I make sense of his bad writing when he will change things later? HE should explain it clearly to US. He is extremely inconsistent with his explanations and will change them when he feels like it.

I dont care what Geekdom101 says about UI being both technique & transformation, because Ultra Instinct IS NOT a transformation nor a technique anymore. ULTRA INSTINCT IS JUST A PLOT DEVICE. 😑

[You can skip this little section. I'm talking about inconsistencies from the Moro arc]

I remember when I talked about how Moro's life draining powers were retconned multiple times.

Moro can absorb life energy from a planet while he is in outer space, then he is nerfed to only being able to take life energy by directly touching you, later Vegeta says they need to get off the ground because now Moro (who is stronger and fused with the planet) can only steal your life enrgy while making contact with you. He could absorb life energy from entire planets from space, but has to make contact with somebody once he got stronger?

Let's not forget it's said Moro drains life energy, but can't drain 17 & 18 because they say they don't have life energy. I guess that means Krillin had a daughter with a dead woman? No. Multiple times, 17 & 18 contributed to the Genki Dama (a collection of life energy). Goku gathers energy from trees, animals, ppl, everything living. This means 17 & 18 do have life energy because they are living beings. But the energy they fight with is unlimited artificial energy.

So if 17 & 18 can give life energy to Goku for a Genki Dama, then Moro should be able to take their life energy just like anyone else. What he can't take is their energy they use for battle because itsunlimited & artificial. Toyotaro does not understand this important detail nor does he understand many other details about these iconic character. So why is the the writer if he is getting so much wrong? Why is he not soley the artist?

Goku uses UI in SSG form to dodge a barrage of attacks from Granolah that are aimed at the planet. They must be weak attacks because the explosions are tiny. Is Granolah really trying to kill them?

Goku using UI in SSG but somehow gets caught off gaurd. Did UI just get nerfed so that Vegeta can look like he is on the same level as Goku in a later chapter? I think it did...

Granolah took Goku down a second time... Wow Goku, you kinda suck. In DBS CH 65 on page 11, after Moro broke his arm on UI Goku's chest, Whis said "When Ultra Instinct is honed to this extent, the body will automatically grow sturdier as necessary." Why is Goku holding back against the strongest in the universe? Oh yeah, that's right... UI is getting nerfed.

Vegeta, what do you mean "How is he learning Kakarot's weaknesses so quickly?" Everybody has similar vital spots in DB. Thats not learning, thats just knowing. Are you just a dummy, Vegeta? Do you not know where vital spots are?

Granolah can tell Goku's body is moving before his brain tells him to react. Granolah the UI "expert" can see all with his eye. You know who else can see with their eye? Tien. Speaking of Tien, I wanna go back to Earth now. What's Piccolo doing? I bet everyone on Earth is chilling or at work. Is it bad I'd rather watch Gohan at a conference than watch Goku, Vegeta, & Granolah be dummies? I'd rather watch Chi-Chi cooking with vegetables instead of watching vegetable puns fight a cereal pun. I'm sorry, the dialogue is just so bad...

How does Granolah's right eye being able to observe blood flow & muscle movements let you know where to strike? Dude, vital spots are where your organs are, & pressure points, & your head area, & you arteries, & so on. Ya ain't gotta observe blood flow to know that. Granolah just making stuff up now to sound cool. News flash, you failed. If he was sniping and able to track them based on blood flow and muscle movement, then that would had been smarter writing.

Granolah: "This right eye of mine is the sharpest in all the universe. It sees all."

Your eye sees all Granolah? Can you see past the Heeters feeding you bullcrap too?

Yo, where did Granolah's barely existing personality go? He wss once driven by revenge, and now the opportunity for revenge is right here in front of him & he's acting like he doesn't want it. If revenge is his only noticeable personality trait, what happens when you take it away? You get bland and dry Granolah.

So then Veget- hold on! Thats it! Granolah's name pun is granola because he is meant to be a bland character! I get it now! So all his moves must be cereal puns!

I never realized how genius this character is!

Detective Vegeta: "A tribe driven to extinction, known for their evolved right eyes... This is starting to sound familiar..." 🕵

Tien?! Oh wait... he said right, not 3rd eye. Jiren?! Oh wait, that's both his eyes... Jaco!? That's both eyes too... I give up.

Granolah's eye can tell that Goku is not using his full power, yet he can't tell he is being fooled by the Heeters. I think he needs new glasses or at least clean the revenge smear off of his monocle.

Granolah casually chats with a Saiyan who is one of the ppl he wants to kill. He would be better if he barely talked and just acted. Granolah should be like Iron Man in "Captain America: Civil War." Not trying to talk, just trying to kill because he is angry and wants revenge.

Goku: "Granolah, we don't work for Freeza & the two of us didn't attack your planet."

Granolah: "I dont care... Your people killed my family."

Boom! Gimme an award!

Back to the chapter 72 colouring book...

Granolah: "Hurry and get on with it. I have no duty to wait for your sake."

Yet you've been waiting all this time for them to arrive, fight them, chat with them, & even waiting for him to transform right now. You got time. You got 3 yrs to waste. You can chat for 10 minutes or so.

Granolah tells Goku that he doesn't have time to wait, then says "It's no skin off my nose to kill you where you stand." Then he waits for Goku to transform... Just kill Goku and be done with it already. Its not like Vegeta can win if Goku can't.

Granolah: "I dont have time for talk."

Goku: "Ok lets fight!"

Granolah: "Ok but, let me tell you about what my eye can do. I'm really proud of it. Mind if I talk a bit? So I sacrificed my life to defeat Freeza, the guy you're working for."

Goku: "What? You don't like Freeza? You're not a bad guy?"

Granolah: "Shut up Saiyan! You'll pay! Fight me!"

Granolah doesn't want to talk about Freeza all of the sudden when Goku implies they both have been tricked. Granolah becomes stupid just so the fight continues. There's a better way to keep them fighting. SHUT UP, GRANOLAH! If he talked less then convoluted stuff like this wouldn't happen.

Granolah yells "Take this!" He powers up instead of doing an attack... Why yell "take this" then power up if you aren't gonna attack right away? You even knocked Goku out of SSG, so now is the perfect time to finish him.

Blah blah blah, Goku goes SSB and they fight, blah blah blah.

Hey look! In my last review I said something about the planet should shake or be in danger from the battle. Looks like Toyo made the planet shake from the battle. Good job. I like this detail. Will it matter later on? Probably not.

Also, ya notice how god ki and god transformations are limited in this chapter? It seem they got too powerful for there to be any stakes. So we see Vegeta in base & SS. Then we see Goku in base, SS, SSG, base, & SSB so that false tension can build. Its smart but the dialogue doesn't compliment this smart tactic.

Aparently Vegeta doesn't care about the fight. Detective mode activate! (🕵) Vegeta standing in that Oozaru footprint looks like he's in Jurassic Park lol. But why did Detective Vegeta have to touch the footprint? He could had just looked at everything when he was high up and had a bird's eye view. Did Detective Vegeta taste the soil & gain knowledge by tasting the past?

Detective Vegeta: "I think I know who he is."

The Heeters said his name is Granolah, dummy. Shouldn't you say "I think I know what happened here." or something like that? Gimmie your detective hat, your trench coat, your bubble pipe, & you magnifying glass! You give detectives a bad name! I'll give this to somebody more deserving, like Jaco, Videl, Krillin, or Hit.

Did ya notice that Vegeta didn't get hit once but Goku who is using UI gets hit multiple times? Vegeta tells Goku to think instead of use UI? Oh yeah, this chapter was to pander to Vegeta fans. Toyo is poorly trying to convey he is equal or above Goku somehow. Like Vegeta mastered his training but Goku hasn't despite having mastered UI as a transformation thingy.

In conclusion, I was right. Freeza still hasn't been seen yet. Show a pic of him in somebody's thought bubble at the very least. This is all happening because if his influence y'all. Still no visual of Freeza yet... Whateva.

This chapter was wack. Too much unintelligent & unreasonable & unrealistic & unnecessary dialogue, plot went nowhere, Goku is being handicapped so the fight can continue, everyone are stupid idiots, Vegeta is being built up to lose his battle or get lucky & win. No image of Freeza still... This was just a very, very boring chapter.

I expect the next chapter to be boring too. Probably won't see Freeza either.

Prediction

Goku got knocked down twice by Granolah, Vegeta decided to fight second, Granolah said he doesn't need to keep Goku alive, & Vegeta told Goku he should stop relying on UI... Sounds like UI is getting nerfed & Goku is gonna need to be saved by Vegeta so that Vegeta can show off his Hakai training in comparison to UI.

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

Out Of The Woods (2/?)

This multi chap fic has been one that I've wanted to write for a while. I'm hoping to connect a few loose ends, since my series is getting closer to the end. Don't worry, I still got a couple of fics left in me. I'd love to thank @xerxezra whose conversations with me are always inspirational. I'd also like to thank @dorkydisappointment whose writing got my creative juice flowing and @hoodoo12 who continues to inspire me all the time.

Reference to the crystal necklace a can be found in my fic The Language Of Flowers and to safety measures in Sentimental Reasons. And finally, references to the woman in Ricks journal is from What You Found Amongst The Pages. I know, that was shameless self promotion ;P

If you haven't read part 1, then heres a link (Read Chapter 1)

In this fic the reader tries to uncover the mystery of the artist behind Zeta-7s portrait.

----------------------

Chapter 2: The Girl Who Loved Him Before

You couldn't sleep. It wasn't so much the bed, which was much harder than the one you had back home, but your thoughts. Ugh, why couldn't you just turn your brain off? If you could, then maybe you wouldn't be up at 2 in the morning questioning your life choices; that or it was because you were in an unfamiliar place.

You thought of taking out your laptop to type out the draft for a new story idea you had, or to take another sedative, but you decided that maybe you could read one of the magazines you saw on the coffee table instead. Carefully, you cracked the door to your room open, checked to see if the coast was clear before you tiptoed towards the living room. Next to the couch, was a rustic coffee table created out of an old tree trunk; on it were coasters made from a young pine. Next to the pile of coasters were old science fiction magazines; all of them older than yourself. And since you couldn't find the book you saw earlier, you picked up the stack and slipped back into your room.

Just like you did when you were a kid, you hid under the duvet with a flashlight. Each magazine was in its own sleeve, and you shuffled through them until you found a hand full you liked. The one with Gort on the cover had original stories that had been sent in by fans; your favorite being The Day The Earth Stood Stupefied, which was a story about how Gort and Klaatu managed to control the masses with charisma and Rock n Roll. Another one had a series of stories which revolved around a lonely dendrologist, who alienated everyone he knew in his pursuit of knowledge; whose increased disdain for humans had led him to madness; a marriage to the forest, and whose offspring walked the earth, searching for their place in the world. The other magazines turned out to be comic books, laced with outdated tropes and humorous ads for sea monkeys and x-ray goggles. Though, the one that interested you most was the small booklet for a funeral home.

Strange, why would this be here?

You pulled the covers down, glanced at the door just to make sure it wouldn't open before you hid again, and flipped through the booklet. From different burial arrangements to simple and ornate caskets, you assumed that either he helped with a burial or had planned one. Poor man. You placed it back in the middle of the stack where you had found it and returned the lot of it to its original place. Maybe trying to write might help quiet your brain after all.

____________________

You woke up; the cause being from the sounds which came from outside. Slipping your feet into some slippers, you stepped out of your bedroom, finding that Rick was neither in his room, kitchen, or living room. The noises got louder and seemed to be coming from the back of the house. So feeling brave, because you could totally take care of yourself, you grabbed the silly dancing moose statue from the dining table which doubled as a banana holder and stepped outside, only to find Rick pause; his ax lifted above his head, with raised brow perplexed as to what you were doing before returning to his task. “Oh, you're chopping wood.”

Log after log, he split them into smaller pieces. You had never seen him chop wood, but at the rate and diligence in which he was, made you wonder if he had cybernetic enhancements like other Ricks did; it certainly would explain a few things. When you realized that you were still holding the statue, you could only giggle at your silliness and set it down beside you as you took a seat on the porch steps; not only relieved there wasn't an intruder but pleasantly surprised by this display of masculinity. “Rick, why are you chopping wood? It's not to impress me, is it? Cause if it is, it's totally working.”

Leaning the ax against the stump, he pulled off his sweater, having warmed up from the exertion, using it to wipe his sweaty face. The t-shirt that was underneath his sweater clung to him, outlining the shape of his lean torso. Wow. “There's n-no central heating and there's going to be a cold front t-t-t-tonight. I um - I wanted to make sure there would be enough firewood.”

“Well, nothing warm hands and a pillow fort couldn't solve. Right?”

“Hohoho, n-no. Though it would be nice if that's all it - it took.”

Goodness, did you love what you were seeing, regretful that you didn't have your phone to take a pic. If he was more confident, then he'd certainly be the death of you, strolling over with a confident swagger but it didn't matter. You were so lucky to have him; dorky and all. “Rick, could you come here for a moment? I want to show you something.”

By now, you'd think he'd catch on to your mischief, but even so, he obeyed; how cute. He walked towards you, unassuming, and you stood and waited for him to be close enough so that you could lean over and kiss him. He squirmed when you did this because he was all sweaty and wanted to be all nice and clean before making any attempts of being affectionate, but you wrapped your arms around him and held him tight, determined not to let him go. “I got you, Ricky.”

“Gosh, but I'm - I-I-I shouldn't. I'm all sweaty.”

“It's okay,” you cooed, brushing his bangs away from his forehead. “I kinda like it. Besides, everyone sweats. It's only natural, and if we didn't we'd die, right? So calm down my little manly man. I'm not grossed out.”

It took him a few seconds to let this sink in.“Is there anything y-you don't like?” he wondered; neither reciprocating nor initiating.

“I don't like mosquito bites, but what does that have to do with anything? I really like you. That's what matters.”

“Th-that's - thank you. I appreciate it.”

You pressed your nose right into his hair, breathing in the scent which was naturally his intermingling with that of the forest. You knew this made him nervous, but you adored the way he smelled, especially right now; as though he'd been birthed from the ashes of pine. “You're welcome. Have you been rolling around in pine needles?” you giggled, picking out a stray leaf. “Or have you been hugging trees again? If you aren't, then maybe I should encourage it.”

“No,” he answered matter of factly. “it's um - it's from the wood. Th-they produce chemicals called terpenes, which give them their special, distinctive scent.”

“Oh Rick, when are you going to understand when I'm flirting with you?”

Scratching the back of his neck, he mumbled sheepishly. “Gee, I-I-I don't - I'm sorry.”

Reluctantly you let go, deciding that you should let him be before you had a chance to get any other mischievous ideas. “Aw, don't be sorry. You still have plenty of time to understand me. Until then, how about I make us some breakfast. Banana pancakes sound good?”

Smiling warmly down at you, he nodded. “It s-sure does.”

_______________

After breakfast, Rick informed you that he needed to go somewhere, and you were ready to go along but he confessed. “I-I-I have to get some supplies to do a couple of repairs. I've been so busy lately that I didn't realize that there were still a-a few things t-t-to do around here before I can relax. I should be back this afternoon.”

“Rick, it sounds like you're leaving me here.”

Giving your hand a squeeze, he admitted. “I am, though only because I want to return as soon as possible. I want t-to spend as much time with you as I can. I mean, I'm going t-t-to be making repairs after I return, but in other words…..”

“You're busy,” you interrupted, pulling your hand away so you could put away the dishes. “and you wanted to take care of your errands without distractions. Fine, it's whatever. I'll be here I guess.”

The mismatched dishes were an odd contrast in comparison to the many other decorations about the place, and you were relieved by this, but annoyed that you weren't tall enough to put away the mixing bowl in its respective place on the top shelf. Seeing this, chair legs scraped against the floor, creaking in complaint as Zeta-7 crossed the room; gently removing it from your hands and putting it away. If he wasn't so darn sweet, you might actually manage to stay upset at him. “Thanks.”

Studying you, he placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “I'm s-s-so sorry princess. I promise I'll make it up to you.”

You knew he would for he always did and you followed him outside towards the car. Opening the driver's side door, he stood there, fiddling with the keychains, glancing at you, at the keys, then back at you. “It won't be long. Y-y-y-y-you know where I put the freeze ray, and where the switch for the security system is.”

“Yeah,” you answered, tugging lightly on the chain about your neck, revealing the lovely crystal you carried with you always. “and I still have the crystal necklace that I only have to squeeze to be transported to the safe room just in case.”

“Th-that's good. And the Meeseeks box is in the closet. I um - they'll help if you need them.”

“Got it. I guess I'll see you later then. Drive safely.”

You turned around to head back, having heard the car door close, thinking he was ready to go, but to your surprise, he spun you around and pulled you in for a kiss. Undemanding, he sought forgiveness on your lips, supporting you as you melted into him. When he pulled away a few seconds later, he softened. “Please don't be mad a-at me. I couldn't bear it if y-you were.”

“I'm not. Annoyed maybe, but not mad. I just wish you would've told me earlier. “ you admitted in your girlish voice. “It's nice to know these things. I had plans for us to go apple picking and thought we'd bake some apple pies together. I was really looking forward to it.”

Pressing a kiss on your temple, he sighed. “Gosh, th-that sounds perfect, but it's going to have to wait. I shouldn't neglect the repairs or else one of us c-could get hurt. I hope y-you understand.”

“I do. It's a good thing you're the responsible one. Someone has to be. Just, promise you'll be safe okay?”

“I-I will. Be careful on the front porch and inside the laundry room. There are a-a few old boards that have to be replaced.”

“Okay.”

Brushing a lock of hair away from your face, he nodded. “Bye, m-mi corazón.”

Leaning into his touch, you softened. “Return soon.”

“I will.”

You pulled away so that he would go, for he would never deliberately leave until he knew everything was alright. And when you couldn't see the car anymore, you stepped back into the house, avoiding the loose boards he had mentioned. Honestly, you didn't enjoy the idea of being left alone, especially in the middle of nowhere, but it did give you the time you needed to explore the place.

_____________

You glanced at the painting again, wishing it would talk back to you. What secrets did it hold? And why Rick, your Rick and not anyone else? Did they know there were others, or were they only acquainted with yours? Ugh, this was frustrating.

You sat back for a while, thinking of what you knew; Zeta-7 wasn't the type to pose for pictures let alone a painting, so this might've been done by memory. If it was done in the afternoon light, anytime after 4 would've been comfortable if it was done outside, but what if the lighting was symbolic as to timing and not so much literal? Oh, what did you know, except that you really hoped he wasn't holding a torch for her; if he was, it'd probably kill you.

However, since you were here, you decided to check out the other paintings. There were a few that you realized also weren't signed and done in a similar style. There was one of a Morpho butterfly, eating a ripe banana. Then there was one of a half-eaten picnic and a cake covered in bees. The one next to it was of a labcoat draped over a chair and a forgotten candy wrapper lying on the floor. And the last one on this wall was of a diseased blue rose bush.

How odd. The familiarity of these subjects and scenes filled you with a warm nostalgia of past adventures. Was it possible that their story was similar to yours? Of course, everyone had their story, and if your assumptions were correct, then all these unsigned pieces were by her as well as these memories that she portrayed; funny and uncanny that they should like Morphos, blue roses, picnics, and Rick just like you. The only difference is that you weren't an artist, but then while they were, they didn't think so either.

Maybe you could almost forgive this person because they had good taste in both men and painting subjects. Then again, maybe not.

____________

Unlike the movies, the basement was well furnished and pleasant. There was a couch, a bunch of boxes stacked in the closet, and a wall of books; as could be expected from a prolific reader. You tested the couch for comfort, finding that it was way better than the bed in your room. Getting up, you perused the shelves, happy to find all your favorites as well as a couple from your wishlist; lucky you.

Picking up a leather-bound copy of Persuasion, you laid back on the couch, fluffing up the old, but clean pillows. In your hands was a well-loved copy, possibly read more times than your own. The reasons this particular Jane Austen classic held much appeal was extensive, but the main ones were because it was a story waiting, of misunderstanding, forgiveness, and reconciliation. You always got lost in the old-fashioned customs and words and it never failed to move you. However, what moved you this time when you cracked opened the book were not elegant sayings or humorous witticisms but the photographs.

Used as bookmarks, there were several Polaroids of Rick; of him dancing in an ugly sweater; of him cooking; of him playing the ukulele; of him standing as his figure was filtered amongst spring blooms; of his hands full of sunflower seeds; and of a yard full of sunflowers. You stared at these photos, dumbfounded at the similarities between the subjects and your favorite things. This book and photos must've been from her too and Ricks age in these photos matched that of the painting. Damn it.

It couldn't be true, but even inside the cover, there was a small note from Zeta-7 explaining why he gifted this book; signed with love. No, none of it could be true. However, photographs didn't lie and it meant you weren't all that special. Not caring if you stained the beginning pages with your tears, your chest ached with regret and you couldn't breathe. All this time, when your wonderful Zeta-7 paid special attention to what you loved, claiming to love only you, never wanting to lose you had turned out to be a cruel game and a lie; you being beaten by the girl who loved him before; someone who was way better than you.

TBC

[jesusatmysix2-allgodspennies]

Watch "Jordan Peterson Teaches Joe Rogan about the Cross!" on YouTube

Okay, again this why I keep getting kicked off social media, and the reason these demons keep attacking me. It's taken me three tries to up load this, bc YouTube kept shutting it down like always. As if I can't read. So, I'll upload and then finish this. It's extremely to interesting.

So! You have to the guy doing the commentary.

Listen very closely to Peterson. What he's explaining is the actual evolution of the system that this supposedly Christian nation has follows and still follows. But he's speaking about Moses leading Hebrew slaves out to the desert. There's a cycle that's being followed.

Lead into the desert instead of going directly into the promised land. [(My typing is messing up, which is what happens when I'm posting something uncomfortable.) I have to go back and re-listen and come back.

I'm clear on this part. Lincoln freed the slaves in 1862. About 62 years later, civil rights act was signed. ( Let my look up that year real quick. I'm old!)

They're (try it ng 👈🏼 my phone is doing this) trying to black out this video: Jordon Peterson teaches Joe Rogan about the cross. On YouTube!.

Okay, in 1964 which has been 58 years. Why is this so important? 58 + 62 equals 120. So!? Peterson caught my attention when he stated this fact.

"IT TAKES THREE GENERATIONS FOR A PEOPLE TO RECUPERATE FROM THE TRAUMA OF TYRANNY.

(they just flashed up a content rating on this and I'm not even finished. What that does that tell you?)

ANYWAY, A GENERATION IS 40 YEARS. THREE GENERATIONS EQUALS 120 YEARS.

I have labeled a racist, crazy, a troublemaker.... A nigger, a monkey, by both Mexicans and whites. Black males harassed me. Bc I deal with a undrugged non alcohol reality that no damn body was seeing. Too busy grabbing at pennies.

Here's the reality that everybody is now trying to warn you dumbasses minorities about.

2024 will be 120 years. By the same biblical principles that this nation was founded upon. GOD declares that the minorities, the poor, and us old people should receive God's promise of entering into the promised land. And if you look at what's taking place, evil is is trying and will do everything within it's power to keep that from happening.

People! Trump can't help you. In fact, he's the lure. y'all keep chasing the money.

(I didn't change the type either. My phone did!)

So, here's what I wanted to add. I had to go back and make sure I had it right.

After he says "it takes three generations to recoup from tyranny", he goes on to explain exactly what has been going on in the black communities.

When the slaves were freed, they stayed in the desert. Their previsions we're gone. The Hebrews suffered because they had been dependent on the task masters. Food, clothes, etc. So, when they had nothing, they started fighting amongst themselves. Sound familiar! What are they telling now, "you should be glad we brought you from Africa. You missed apartheid!" Stay in that mentality of depending on the task master. All these tapes of cops stating they want to slaughter blacks. "Oh, I was just venting." Sure! I got stories about them and a "no igger bitch" sleeping in nder a tree. (see how they messing with my typing. Doesn't happen until I address the real evil.)

I reiterate what I've said before. White people have diluted the value in Jesus in the eyes of the original black Jew. And he has benefited from it! God doesn't look at your skin colour. He only acknowledges your worship. True worship! Not some group marching up and down city streets telling the lie about we all heirs of kings and queens. That's bs!

Some of us were here when the boats docked.

GET OFF MY GRASS!

[ladytauria]

Gosh thanks. Whether a fic comes out 9f this or not it's fun to yack w/someone about it. I'll talk a bit more about Chiro's older brother and sister. Both are around 12 years older then him. I've been calling them Josiah and Carmilla. Both are his half siblings from their dad's previous marriage to another clan heir that abandoned Shugazoom when the SK cult drove her and her family out. She chose her clan over her husband and children and left them w/o telling anyone about the cults existence-

2 as part of some sort of deal (either w/them or/and another clan that wanted to benefit from it) to leave them alone (for now). The two don’t treat Chiro any differently then a full sibling and all are even still pretty close despite not seeimg each other in years. They even helped raised him and Carmilla gave him his first toy on the day he was born (a cheetah he later named Milla after her. He lost it wgen he got banished and SK stole it for his collection). They were banished too. But -

3 But got forced outside of Shugazoom. Carmilla got sent into the deep wilds to a lost society of ancient nobles that live alongside nect to Cheetah people (Chiro’s clan specialty is maintaining diplomacy and relationships, particularly w/Cheetahs). She became leader of a merchant guild (since she can’t have any noble power) that’s loose w/laws and grey matters but is the only one who will get supplies to certain areas. Josiah (being the oldest and most dangerous) was sent to space. He became-

4 a leader of a group of space pirates abd runs it like a mafia w/some standard of honor. Josiah is… off in some ways. He admits he cares for his crew w/great loyalty (and they him) but his siblings are the only ones he knows he loves. Carmilla is edgy but sweet. But he’s usually apathetic to others despite his serene smiles. He only shows leniency to the monkeys because he sees them as a extension of Chiro’s happiness (he has a soft spot for Sprx for being the big brother in his place). -

5 Josiah also has some strange ability to know exactly what his siblings (and only them) are thinking - as if he can read their minds. It creeps the monkeys out (Gibson wants to study this) but Chiro doesn’t mind. They have a great respect for their step Grandma too for whats she’s been through and for not only accepting them as her own grandkids but making them heirs before Chiro (since they’re older). It’s out of respect for her that prevents Josiah from unleashing some bloody revenge.

Chiro’s siblings: forget to mention. Carmilla also has a robot love interest like Chiro does. Josiah is not dating anyone but there is this one girl from another clan he’s always had a will they won’t they relationship with. In fact they’re like a more hostile version of Sprx and Nova. 

Anon, I absolutely adore your siblings for Chiro! Pirates, in space or sea, are my absolute JAM. (One of my favored OC’s for my original novel is a pirate~) And ugh. Merchant guilds. I love ‘em. They can be so shady but also so totally awesome. (Plus I love the fact that, generally, they end up controlling whatever setting they’re in. Lots of room for sneaky doings.) 

Josiah and Carmilla both sound like they’re very fun and interesting characters. Josiah definitely sounds like a super tough kind of guy, that’s likable yet makes your hair stand on end because you just know he’s dangerous. Carmilla on the other hand seems like a more quietly dangerous type? Like, comes off as being rather sweet and approachable but in reality is analyzing your every move and facial expression, predicting what you do before you even do it–and using that against you, if she feels she needs to.

Aka, the kind of older siblings that the monkey team would have… absolutely no idea how to deal with. Which is why Chiro hasn’t really introduced them to his family in general, I suppose.

[crosseyed-miles]

                     The Breakfast Club                    written and directed by                         John Hughes BLANK SCREEN:     Against Black, TITLE CARD:           "...and these children that you spit on,            as they try to change their worlds are           immune to your consultations.  They're         quite aware of what they're going through...                                        - David Bowie"     The Blank Screen and Title Card SHATTER to reveal... 1. EXT. SHERMER HIGH SCHOOL - DAY     During Brian's monologue, we see various views of things     inside the school including Bender's locker.                          BRIAN (VO)               Saturday...March 24, 1984.  Shermer               High School, Shermer, Illinois.               60062.  Dear Mr. Vernon...we accept               the fact that we had to sacrifice a               whole Saturday in detention for               whatever it was that we did wrong,               what we did was wrong.  But we think               you're crazy to make us write this               essay telling you who we think we               are, what do you care?  You see us               as you want to see us...in the               simplest terms and the most               convenient definitions.  You see us               as a brain, an athelete, a basket               case, a princess and a criminal.               Correct?  That's the way we saw each               other at seven o'clock this morning.               We were brainwashed...                                                  CUT TO: 2. INT. CLAIRE'S CAR - DAY     We see CLAIRE and her FATHER sitting in their car in the     parking lot.     Claire is the prom queen and is clearly a snob.                            CLAIRE               I can't believe you can't get me               out of this...I mean it's so absurd               I have to be here on a Saturday!               It's not like I'm a defective or               anything...                       CLAIRE'S FATHER               I'll make it up to you...Honey,               ditching class to go shopping               doesn't make you a defective.  Have               a good day.     Claire rolls her eyes and gets out of the car and walks     up the school front steps                                                  CUT TO: 3. INT. BRIAN'S CAR - DAY     We are in BRIAN's car.  His MOTHER is there and so is     his little SISTER.  He is sort of a nerd.                        BRIAN'S MOTHER               Is this the first time or the last               time we do this?                            BRIAN                    (upset)               Last...                        BRIAN'S MOTHER               Well get in there and use the time               to your advantage...                            BRIAN               Mom, we're not supposed to study; we               just have to sit there and do               nothing.                        BRIAN'S MOTHER               Well mister you figure out a way to               study.                    BRIAN'S LITTLE SISTER                    (annoyingly)               Yeah!                        BRIAN'S MOTHER               Well go!     Brian gets out of the car and walks towards the school.                                                  CUT TO: 4. INT. ANDREW'S CAR - DAY     We see ANDREW and his FATHER.  Andrew is clearly a jock;     he’s wearing a letterman’s jacket with lots of patches on it.                       ANDREW'S FATHER               Hey, I screwed around...guys screw               around, there's nothing wrong with               that.  Except you got caught, Sport.                            ANDREW               Yeah, Mom already reemed me, alright?                       ANDREW'S FATHER                    (angry)               You wanna miss a match?  You wanna               blow your ride?  Now no school's               gonna give a scholarship to a               discipline case.     Andrew gets out of the car and walks into the school.                                                  CUT TO: 5. EXT. SHERMER PARKING LOT - DAY     We see JOHN BENDER walking towards us.  He is wearing     sunglasses.  A car is coming towards him but he doesn't     stop walking.     The car slams on its breaks directly in front of him.     Bender gets out of the frame.  Out of the car steps     ALLISON.  She is dressed all in black.  She steps     forward to look in the car's front window and the car     drives away.                                                 CUT TO: 6. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     There are six tables in two rows of three.     Claire is sitting at the front table.  Brian comes in     and sits at the table behind her.     Andrew comes in and points at the chair next to Claire     at the front table.  She shrugs and he sits there.     In walks Bender, he touches everything on the checkout     desk and takes a few things in the process.     He walks over to where Brian is sitting and points to     the table on the opposite side of the Library.  Brian     reluctantly gets up and moves.     Bender sits at the table where Brian was and puts his     feet up.     Allison walks in.  She walks all the way around the     library and sits in the back corner table, just behind     Brian.     Andrew and Claire look at each other and snicker.     Brian looks at her in confusion and then turns away.     Enter RICHARD VERNON, a teacher.  He holds a stack     of papers in his left hand.  He addresses the group with     such disrespect it makes you wonder how he ever got the     job.                            VERNON               Well...well.  Here we are!  I want               to congradulate you for being on               time...     Claire raises her hand.                            CLAIRE               Excuse me, sir?  I think there's               been a mistake.  I know it's               detention, but...um...I don't think               I belong in here...     Vernon doesn't care.  He just continues to talk.                            VERNON               It is now seven-oh-six.  You have               exactly eight hours and fifty-four               minutes to think about why you're               here.  To ponder the error of your               ways...     Bender spits into the air and catches the spit in his     mouth again.     Claire looks like she is going to gag.                            VERNON               ...and you may not talk.  You will               not move from these seats.     He glances up at Bender and points at him.                            VERNON               ...and you...     Vernon pulls the chair out from under Bender's feet.                            VERNON               ...will not sleep.  Alright people,               we're gonna try something a little               different today.  We are going to               write an essay--of no less than a               thousand words--describing to me               who you think you are.                            BENDER               Is this a test?     Vernon passes out paper and pencils and takes no notice     of Bender.                            VERNON               And when I say essay...I mean essay.               I do not mean a single word repeated               a thousand times.  Is that clear Mr.               Bender?     Bender looks up.                            BENDER               Crystal...                            VERNON               Good.  Maybe you'll learn a little               something about yourself.  Maybe               you'll even--decide whether or not               you care to return.     Brian raises his hand and then stands.                            BRIAN               You know, I can answer that right               now sir...That'd be "No", no for me.               'cause...                            VERNON               Sit down Johnson...                            BRIAN               Thank you sir...     He sits.                            VERNON               My office...     Vernon points.                            VERNON               ...is right across that hall.  Any               monkey business is ill-advised...     He looks around at them.                            VERNON               ...any questions?                            BENDER               Yeah...I got a question.     Vernon looks at him suspiciously.                            BENDER               Does Barry Manilow know you raid his               wardrobe?                            VERNON               I'll give you the answer to that               question, Mr. Bender, next Saturday.               Don't mess with the bull young man,               you'll get the horns.     Vernon leaves.                            BENDER               That man...is a brownie hound...     Everyone tries to get comfortable and we hear a loud     snapping sound.  Brian turns and looks and it is     Allison, biting her nails.     Bender's eyes widen as he turns to look.  Everyone is     looking now.  Allison notices them looking at her.                            BENDER               You keep eating your hand and you're               not gonna be hungry for lunch...     Allison spits part of her nail at Bender.                            BENDER               I've seen you before, you know...     We see Vernon look out from his office.     We see Brian playing with his pen.                            BRIAN                    (quietly to himself)               Who do I think I am?  Who are you?               Who are you?     He attaches the pen to his bottom lip and puts the top     under his upper lip.                            BRIAN               I am a walrus...     Bender looks at him in utter confusion.  Brian notices     this, laughs and takes the pen out of his mouth--     embarrassed.     Bender and Brian begin to take their jackets off at the     same time.  They both notice this.  Brian stops removing     his jacket.     Bender takes his all the way off.  Brian rubs his hands     together and pretends to be cold.  He pulls his jacket     back on.  He turns and looks at Bender who is still     staring at him.                            BRIAN               It's the shits, huh?     Bender glares at him and Brian utters an uncomfortable     laugh.     Bender turns away and crumples up his essay paper.  He     throws it at Claire.  It misses and goes over Claire's     head.     Andrew and Claire acknowlege it but continue to ignore     Bender.     Bender starts loudly "singing" the musical part of a     song.  “Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...nah, nah, nah...”                            CLAIRE                    (to herself)               I can't believe this is really               happening to me...     Bender stops "singing" abruptly.                            BENDER               Oh, shit!  What're we s'posed to do               if we hafta take a piss?                            CLAIRE                    (disgusted)               Please...                            BENDER               If you gotta go...     We hear Bender unzip his fly.                            BENDER               You gotta go!     Everyone is now looking at Bender.                            CLAIRE                   (disgusted)               Oh my God!                            ANDREW               Hey, yer not urinating in here man!                            BENDER               Don't talk!  Don't talk!  It makes               it crawl back up!                            ANDREW               You whip it out and you're dead               before the first drop hits the               floor!     Bender gasps mockingly.                            BENDER               You're pretty sexy when you get               angry...grrr!     He turns to Brian.                            BENDER               Hey, homeboy...     Brian points at himself with his pen.                            BENDER              ...why don't you go close that door.               We'll get the prom queen--               impregnated!     Claire turns and glares at him.                            ANDREW               Hey!     Bender ignores him.                            ANDREW               Hey!                          BENDER               What?                            ANDREW               If I lose my temper, you're totalled               man!                            BENDER               Totally?                            ANDREW               Totally!                            CLAIRE                    (to Bender)               Why don't you just shut up!  Nobody               here is interested!                            ANDREW               Really!                    (to Claire about Bender)               Buttface!                            BENDER               Well hey Sporto!  What'd you do to               get in here?  Forget to wash your               jock?                            BRIAN                    (nervous)               Uh, excuse me, fellas?  I think we               should just write our papers...                            ANDREW                    (to Bender)               Look, just because you live in here               doesn't give you the right to be a               pain in the ass...so knock it off!     Bender mockingly registers pain in his face.                            BENDER               It's a free country...                            CLAIRE                    (to Andrew)               He's just doing it to get a rise out               of you!  Just ignore him...                            BENDER                    (to Claire)               Sweets...you couldn't ignore me if               you tried!     Claire rolls her eyes.                           BENDER               So...so!                    (to Andrew and Claire)               Are you guys like boyfriend/girl-               friend?                    (a beat)               Steady dates?                    (another beat)               Lo--vers?                    (another beat)               Come on Sporto, level with me.  Do               you slip her the hot...beef...               injection?     Claire and Andrew turn to face Bender, both furious.                            CLAIRE                    (screams)               Go to hell!                            ANDREW                    (screams)               Enough!                                                  CUT TO: 7. INT. VERNON'S OFFICE - DAY     We see Vernon in his office.                            VERNON                    (yells)               Hey!  What's going on in there?                    (to himself)               Smug little pricks!                                                  CUT TO: 8. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     They all look at each other.  Andrew turns away from     Bender.                            ANDREW                    (to himself)               Scumbag!     Bender stands up and walks over to the railing.  He sits     on it.                            BENDER               What do you say we close that door.               We can't have any kind of party               with Vernon checking us out every               few seconds.                            BRIAN               Well, you know the door's s'posed to               stay open...                           BENDER               So what?                           ANDREW               So why don't you just shut up!               There's four other people in here               you know...                            BENDER               God, you can count.  See!  I knew               you had to be smart to be a...a               wrestler.                            ANDREW               Who the hell are you to judge               anybody anyway?                            CLAIRE               Really...                            ANDREW               You know, Bender...you don't even               count.  I mean if you disappeared               forever it wouldn't make any               difference.  You may as well not               even exist at this school.     Bender probably is upset at this and he pauses a moment     before speaking.  He doesn't let his emotions out,     however.                            BENDER               Well...I'll just run right out and               join the wrestling team.     Andrew and Claire look at each other and laugh at     Bender.                            BENDER                    (to Claire)               Maybe the prep club too!  Student               council...                            ANDREW               No, they wouldn't take you.                            BENDER               I'm hurt.                            CLAIRE               You know why guys like you knock               everything...                            BENDER                    (to himself)               Oh, this should be stunning...                            CLAIRE               It's 'cause you're afraid.                            BENDER                    (with mock enthusiasm)               Oh, God!  You ritchies are so smart,               that's exactly why I'm not heavy in               activities!                            CLAIRE               You're a big coward!     Brian feels left out.                            BRIAN                    (to no one imparticular)               I'm in the math club...                            CLAIRE               See you're afraid that they won't               take you.  You don't belong so you               just have to dump all over it...                            BENDER               Well...it wouldn't have anything to               do with you activities people being               assholes...now would it?                            CLAIRE               Well you wouldn't know...You don't               even know any of us.                            BENDER               Well, I don't know any lepers               either, but I'm not gonna run out               and join one of their fucking clubs.                            ANDREW               Hey let's watch the mouth, huh?     Brian again feels he needs to contribute.                            BRIAN               I'm in the physics club too...                            BENDER                    (to Claire)               S'cuse me a sec...                    (to Brian)               What are you babbling about?                            BRIAN               Well, what I said was...I'm in the               math club, the Latin club and the               physics club...physics club.     Bender nods and turns to Claire.                            BENDER               Hey...Cherry...do you belong to the               physics club?                            CLAIRE               That's an academic club...                            BENDER               So?                            CLAIRE               So...academic clubs aren't the same               as other kinds of clubs.                            BENDER               Oh, but to dorks like him...     Bender points at Brian.                            BENDER               ...they are.                    (to Brian)               What do you guys do in your club?                            BRIAN               In physics, um, we ah, we talk about               physics...about properties of physics.                            BENDER               So it's sorta social...demented and               sad, but social.  Right?                            BRIAN               Yeah, well, I guess you could               consider it a social situation.  I               mean there are other children in my               club and uh, at the end of the year               we have, um, you know, a big               banquet, at the, uh, at the Hilton.                            BENDER               You load up, you party...                            BRIAN               Well, no, we get dressed up...I               mean, but, we don't...we don't get               high.                            CLAIRE                    (to Bender)               Only burners like you get high...                            BRIAN               And, uh, I didn't have any shoes.               So I had to borrow my dad's.  It               was kinda weird 'cause my mom doesn't               like me to wear other people's               shoes.  And, uh, my cousin Kent...my               cousin Kendall from, uh, Indiana...               He got high once and you know, he               started eating like really weird               foods.  And uh, and then he just               felt like he didn't belong anywhere.               You know, kinda like, you know               "Twilight Zone" kinda.                            CLAIRE                    (laughs)                    (to Bender)               Sounds like you...                            ANDREW               Look, you guys keep up your talking               and Vernon's gonna come right in               here...I got a meet this Saturday               and I'm not gonna miss it on account               of you boneheads...                            BENDER                    (to Andrew)               Oh and wouldn't that be a bite...     Bender lets out a moan of fake agony.                            BENDER               Missing a whole wrestling meet!                            ANDREW               Well you wouldn't know anything               about it, faggot!  You never competed               in your whole life!                            BENDER                    (with mock hurt)               Oh, I know...I feel all empty inside               because of it.  I have such a deep               admiration for guys that roll around               on the floor with other guys!                            ANDREW               Ahhh...you'd never miss it.  You               don't have any goals.                            BENDER               Oh, but I do!                            ANDREW               Yeah?                            BENDER               I wanna be just--like--you!  I               figure all I need's a labotamy and               some tights!     Brian becomes interested.                            BRIAN               You wear tights?                            ANDREW                    (to Brian)               No I don't wear tights, I wear the               required uniform...                            BRIAN               Tights...                            ANDREW                    (defensive)               Shut up!     They hear Vernon moving around out in the hall so Bender     quickly comes and sits in the chair between Claire and     Andrew.  He folds his hands on the table.     Vernon goes back into his office.  Bender laughs and     gets up.  He starts walking towards the double doors     that separate the library from the hallway.                            BRIAN               You know there's not s'posed to be               any monkey business!     Bender turns and points at Brian.                            BENDER                    (in a stern voice)               Young man...have you finished your               paper?     Bender turns back away and goes to the door.  He looks     around cautiously and removes a screw from the door.                            CLAIRE               What are you gonna do?                            ANDREW               Drop dead, I hope!                                                  CUT TO: 9. INT. HALLWAY - DAY     We see Vernon getting a drink at the fountain. He stands     up and checks the way he looks in a mirror.  He does a     muscular pose and utters some manly jibberish “Cobadonga!”                                                  CUT TO: 10. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Brian looks up.  Bender is messing with the door to the     library.                            BRIAN               Bender, that's, that's school               property there...you know, it doesn't               belong to us.  It's something not to               be toyed with.     The door slams shut.  Bender runs back to his seat.                            ANDREW               That's very funny, come on, fix it!                            BRIAN               You should really fix that!                            BENDER               Am I a genius?                            ANDREW               No, you're an asshole!                            BENDER               What a funny guy!                            ANDREW               Fix the door Bender!                            BENDER               Everyone just shhh!                                                  CUT TO: 11. INT. HALLWAY - DAY     We see Vernon walking back to his office.  He stops and     listens to them through the closed door.                         BENDER (OS)               I've been here before, I know what               I'm doing!                         ANDREW (OS)               No!  Fix the door, get up there and               fix it!                         BENDER (OS)                    (screams)               Shut up!                                                  CUT TO: 12. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     We see Brian as we hear Vernon in the hall.                         VERNON (OS)               God damnit!     He opens the door and storms in.                            VERNON               Why is that door closed?     For a few seconds no one says anything, they just stare     at Vernon.                            VERNON               Why is that door closed?                            BENDER               How're we s'posed to know?  We're               not s'posed to move, right?     Vernon turns to Claire.                            VERNON               Why?                            CLAIRE               We were just sitting here, like we               were s'posed to...     Vernon looks around and looks at Bender.                            VERNON               Who closed that door?                            BENDER               I think a screw fell out of it...                            ANDREW               It just closed, sir...     Vernon looks at Allison in the back.                            VERNON               Who?     Allison lets out a squeak and slams her face onto the     table, hiding in her jacket hood.                            BENDER               She doesn't talk, sir...                            VERNON                    (to Bender)               Give me that screw...                            BENDER              I don't have it...                            VERNON               You want me to yank you outta that               seat and shake it out of you?                            BENDER               I don't have it...screws fall out               all of the time, the world's an               imperfect place...                            VERNON               Give it to me, Bender...                            CLAIRE               Excuse me, sir, why would anybody               want to steal a screw?                            VERNON                    (to Claire)               Watch it, young lady...     Vernon goes over to the door.  He tries to hold it open     by putting a folding chair in front of it.                            BENDER               The door's way too heavy, sir.     The door slams shut despite the chair.                         VERNON (OS)               God damnit!     They laugh.     Vernon opens the door again.  He comes back in.                            VERNON                    (pointing)               Andrew Clark...get up here.  Come on,               front and center, let's go.     Andrew gets up and walks over to Vernon.                            BENDER               Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up?               If he gets up, we'll all get up,               it'll be anarchy!     Vernon and Andrew are now attempting to move the steel     magazine rack in front of the door.                            VERNON              Okay, now, watch the magazines!                            BENDER               It's out of my hands...     They get it into the doorway and it blocks the entire     door.                            BENDER               That's very clever sir, but what if               there's a fire?  I think violating               fire codes and endangering the               lives of children would be unwise               at this juncture in your career, sir.     Vernon thinks about it.  He turns to Andrew.                            VERNON               Alright, what are you doing with               this?  Get this outta here for God's               sake!  What's the matter with you?               Come on!                            BRIAN               You know the school comes equipped               with fire exits at either end of the               library.     Brian points at them and Bender glares at him.                            BENDER                    (to Brian)               Show Dick some respect!     Andrew and Vernon come back into the main section of     the library.                            VERNON                    (to Andrew)               Let's go...go!  Get back into your               seat.     Andrew sits.                            VERNON                    (to Andrew)               I expected a little more from a               varsity letterman!                    (to Bender)               You're not fooling anybody, Bender!               The next screw that falls out is               gonna be you!     Vernon turns to leave.                            BENDER                    (under his breath)               Eat my shorts...     Vernon spins in his tracks and faces Bender again.                            VERNON               What was that?                            BENDER                    (loudly)               Eat my shorts!                            VERNON               You just bought yourself another               Saturday, mister!                            BENDER               Oh, Christ...                            VERNON               You just bought one more right               there!                            BENDER               Well, I'm free the Saturday after               that...beyond that, I'm gonna have               to check my calendar!                            VERNON               Good!  'Cause it's gonna be filled,               we'll keep goin'!  You want another               one?  Say the word, just say the               word!  Instead of going to prison,               you'll come here!  Are you through.                            BENDER               No!                            VERNON               I'm doing society a favor!                            BENDER               So?                            VERNON               That's another one, right now!  I've               got you for the rest of your natural               born life if you don't watch your               step!  You want another one?                            BENDER               Yes!                            VERNON               You got it!  You got another one,               right there!  That's another one               pal!                            CLAIRE                    (worried)               Cut it out!     Claire mouths the word "Stop" to Bender.                            VERNON               You through?                            BENDER               Not even close, bud!                            VERNON               Good!  You got one more, right               there!                            BENDER               Do you really think I give a shit?                            VERNON               Another...     Bender glares at him.                            VERNON               You through?                            BENDER               How many is that?                            BRIAN               That's seven including the one when               we first came in and you asked Mr.               Vernon here whether Barry Manilow               knew that he raided his closet.                            VERNON                    (to Bender)               Now it's eight...                    (to Brian)               You stay out of it!                            BRIAN               Excuse me, sir, it's seven!                            VERNON               Shut up, Peewee!                    (to Bender)               You're mine Bender...for two months               I gotcha!  I gotcha!                            BENDER               What can I say?  I'm thrilled!                            VERNON               Oh, I'm sure that's exactly what you               want these people to believe.  You               know something, Bender?  You ought               to spend a little more time trying               to do something with yourself and a               little less time trying to impress               people.  You might be better off.                    (to everyone)               Alright, that's it!  I'm going to               be right outside those doors.  The               next time I hafta come in here...I'm               cracking skulls!  (Bender mouths “I’m               cracking skulls”)     Vernon leaves and closes the door.  A musical riff     builds to a climax as Bender screams.                            BENDER                    (screams)               Fuck you!     We see the clock, it reads a quarter to eight.     We see Bender, lighting his shoe on fire and lighting a     cigarette with his shoe.     We see Claire thinking.     We see Brian playing with his balls.     We see Andrew playing with his sweatshirt.     We see Allison pulling a string around her finger and     making it turn purple.     We see Bender put the flames on his shoe out.  He then     plays air guitar.     We see Allison drawing.     We see Andrew playing paper football.  He cheers     silently.     Allison shakes dandruff from her hair onto her picture.     We see everyone fall asleep.                                                  CUT TO: 13. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Later.     Vernon is standing there staring at the sleeping kids.                            VERNON               Wake up!  Who has to go to the               lavatory?     Everyone raises their hands.                                                  CUT TO: 14. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Later.     We see the clock, it now says 10:22.     We see Andrew stretching.  We see Bender tearing pages     out of a book.  He is tossing them around.                            ANDREW               That's real intelligent.                            BENDER               You're right...it's wrong to               destroy literature...     He continues to tear pages out.                            BENDER               It's such fun to read...and, Molet               really pumps my nads!                            CLAIRE                    (pronouncing it correctly)               Mol-yare.                            BRIAN              I love his work.     Bender tosses the rest of the pages at Brian.  He picks     up the card catalogue drawer and begins to take cards     out.                            BENDER               Big deal...nothing to do when you're               locked in a vacancy..                           ANDREW               Speak for yourself...                            BENDER               Do you think I'd speak for you?  I               don't even know your language!     Andrew turns to Claire.                            ANDREW               Hey, you grounded tonight?     Claire shrugs.                            CLAIRE               I don't know, my mom said I was but               by dad told me to just blow her off.                            ANDREW               Big party at Stubbies, parents are               in Europe.  Should be pretty wild...                            CLAIRE               Yeah?                            ANDREW               Yeah, can you go?                            CLAIRE               I doubt it...                            ANDREW               How come?                            CLAIRE               Well 'cause if I do what my mother               tells me not to do, it's because               because my father says it's okay.               There's like this whole big monster               deal, it's endless and it's a total               drag.  It's like any minute...               divorce...                            BENDER               Who do you like better?                            CLAIRE               What?                            BENDER               You like your old man better than               your mom?                            CLAIRE               They're both strict.                            BENDER               No, I mean, if you had to choose               between them.                            CLAIRE               I dunno, I'd probably go live with               my brother.  I mean, I don't think               either one of them gives a shit               about me...it's like they use me               just to get back at each other.     Suddenly, from the back of the room.  Allison speaks.                           ALLISON                    (loudly)               Ha!!!     Everyone looks at her shocked.  Allison blows her hair     out of her eyes and grins.                            CLAIRE               Shut up!                            ANDREW               You're just feeling sorry for               yourself...                            CLAIRE               Yeah, well if I didn't nobody else               would.                            ANDREW               Aw...you're breaking my heart...                            BENDER               Sporto...                            ANDREW               What?     Bender jumps down and goes next to Andrew.                            BENDER               You get along with your parents?                            ANDREW               Well if I say yes, I'm an idiot,               right?                            BENDER               You're an idiot anyway...But if you               say you get along with your parents               well you're a liar too!     Bender turns and walks away from him.  Andrew follows     and pushes Bender.                            ANDREW               You know something, man...If we               weren't in school right now, I'd               waste you!     Bender points his middle finger at the floor.                            BENDER               Can you hear this?  Want me to turn               it up?     Bender flips his hand around so he is now giving Andrew     the bird.     Brian comes over and puts a hand on each of the guy's     shoulders.                            BRIAN               Hey fellas, I mean...     Andrew pushes away from Brian.                            BRIAN               ...I don't like my parents either,               I don't...I don't get along with               them...their idea of parental               compassion is just, you know, wacko!     Bender turns to Brian.                            BENDER               Dork...                            BRIAN              Yeah?                            BENDER               You are a parent's wet dream, okay?     Bender starts to walk away.                            BRIAN               Well that's a problem!                            BENDER               Look, I can see you getting all               bunged up for them making you wear               these kinda clothes.  But face it,               you're a Neo-Maxi-Zoom-Dweebie!               What would you be doing if you               weren't out making yourself a better               citizen?                            ANDREW               Why do you have to insult everybody?                            BENDER               I'm being honest, asshole!  I would               expect you...to know the difference!                            ANDREW               Yeah well, he's gotta name!                            BENDER               Yeah?                            ANDREW               Yeah,                    (to Brian)               What's your name?                            BRIAN               Brian...                            ANDREW               See...                            BENDER                    (to Brian)               My condolences...     Bender walks away.                            CLAIRE                    (to Bender)               What's your name?                            BENDER               What's yours?                            CLAIRE               Claire...                            BENDER               Ka-Laire?                            CLAIRE               Claire...it's a family name!                            BENDER               Nooo...It's a fat girl's name!                            CLAIRE               Well thank you...                            BENDER               You're welcome...                            CLAIRE               I'm not fat!                            BENDER               Well not at present but I could see               you really pushing maximum density!               You see, I'm not sure if you know               this...but there are two kinds of               fat people.  There's fat people that               were born to be fat, and then there's               fat people that were once thin but               they became fat...so when you look               at them you can sorta see that thin               person inside!  You see, you're               gonna get married, you're gonna               squeeze out a few puppies and then,               uh...     He mimes becoming fat, making noises.     Claire gives him the finger.                            BENDER               Oh...obscene finger gestures from               such a pristine girl!                            CLAIRE                    (resentfully)               I'm not that pristine!     Bender bends down closer to Claire.                            BENDER               Are you a virgin?                    (a beat)               I'll bet you a million dollars that               you are!  Let's end the suspense!               Is it gonna be...                    (another beat)               ...a white weddin?                            CLAIRE               Why don't you just shut up?                            BENDER               Have you ever kissed a boy on the               mouth?                    (a beat)               Have you ever been felt up?  Over               the bra, under the blouse, shoes               off...hoping to God your parents               don't walk in?     Claire is getting upset.                            CLAIRE               Do you want me to puke?                            BENDER               Over the panties, no bra, blouse               unbuttoned, Calvin's in a ball on               the front seat past eleven on a               school night?                            ANDREW               Leave her alone!     Bender slowly stands and faces Andrew.                            ANDREW               I said leave her alone!                            BENDER               You gonna make me?                            ANDREW               Yeah...     Bender walks over to where Andrew is standing.                            BENDER               You and how many of your friends?                            ANDREW               Just me, just you and me.  Two hits.               Me hitting you, you hitting the               floor!  Anytime you're ready, pal!     Bender goes to hit him but Andrew gets Bender down on     the ground with a wrestling move.                            BENDER               I don't wanna get into to this with               you man...     Andrew gets up.                            ANDREW               Why not?     Bender gets up.                            BENDER               'Cause I'd kill you...It's real simple.               I'd kill you and your fucking parents               would sue me and it would be a big               mess and I don't care enough about               you to bother.                            ANDREW               Chicken shit...     Andrew turns and walks away.  Bender takes out a     switchblade and opens it.     He stabs the switchblade into a chair.                            ANDREW               Let's end this right now.  You don't               talk to her...you don't look at her               and you don't even think about her!               You understand me?                            BENDER               I'm trying to help her!.     We see the janitor, CARL come into the room.                             CARL               Brian, how you doing?                            BENDER               Your dad works here?     Brian is embarrassed.                            BENDER               Uh, Carl?                             CARL               What?                            BENDER               Can I ask you a question?                             CARL               Sure...                            BENDER               How does one become a janitor?                             CARL               You wanna be a janitor?                            BENDER               No I just wanna know how one becomes               a janitor because Andrew here, is               very interested in persuing a               career in the custodial arts...                             CARL               Oh, really?  You guys think I'm               just some untouchable peasant?  Peon?               Huh?  Maybe so, but following               a broom around after shitheads like               you for the past eight years I've               learned a couple of things...I look               through your letters, I look through               your lockers...I listen to your               conversations, you don't know that               but I do...I am the eyes and ears of               this institution my friends.  By the               way, that clock's twenty minutes               fast!     Everyone groans.  Bender smiles.                            ANDREW               Shit!                                                  CUT TO: 15. INT. VERNON'S OFFICE - DAY     The clock says 11:30.  Vernon gets up and leaves.                                                  CUT TO: 16. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Bender starts to whistle a marching tune and everybody     joins in.     Vernon enters.  Bender begins to whistle Beethoven's     5th.                            VERNON               Allright girls, that's thirty               minutes for lunch...                            ANDREW               Here?                            VERNON               Here...                            ANDREW               Well I think the cafeteria would be               a more suitable place for us to eat               lunch in, sir!                            VERNON               Well, I don't care what you think,               Andrew!                            BENDER               Uh, Dick?  Excuse me, Rich...will               milk be made available to us?                            ANDREW               We're extremely thirsty sir...                            CLAIRE               I have a very low tolerance for               dehydration.                            ANDREW               I've seen her dehydrate sir, it's               pretty gross.     Bender stands.                            BENDER               Relax, I'll get it!                            VERNON               Ah, ah, ah grab some wood there, bub!     Bender grins.                            VERNON               What do you think, I was born               yesterday?  You think I'm gonna               have you roaming these halls?     He points at Andrew.                            VERNON               You!     He points at Allison.                            VERNON               And you!  Hey!  What's her name?               Wake her!  Wake her up!                    (to Allison)               Come on, on your feet missy!  Let's               go!  This is no rest home!     Allison gets up.                            VERNON               There's a soft drink machine in the               teacher's lounge.  Lets go!                                                  CUT TO: 16. INT. HALLWAY - DAY     Andrew and Allison are walking in the hall.                            ANDREW               So, what's your poison?     Allison doesn't answer.                            ANDREW               What do you drink?     Allison still doesn't answer.                            ANDREW               Okay...forget I asked...     Allison waits for two beats and then speaks.                           ALLISON               Vodka...                            ANDREW               Vodka?  When do you drink vodka?                           ALLISON               Whenever...                            ANDREW              A lot?     Allison smiles.                           ALLISON               Tons...                            ANDREW               Is that why you're here today?     Allison doesn't answer.                            ANDREW               Why are you here?     Allison snaps back.                           ALLISON               Why are you here?     They stop walking and Andrew leans against the wall.                            ANDREW               Um, I'm here today...because uh,               because my coach and my father don't               want me to blow my ride.  See I get               treated differently because uh,               Coach thinks I'm a winner.  So does               my old man.  I'm not a winner               because I wanna be one... I'm a               winner because I got strength and               speed.  Kinda like a race horse.               That's about how involved I am in               what's happening to me.                           ALLISON               Yeah?  That's very interesting.               Now why don't you tell me why you're               really in here.                            ANDREW               Forget it!                                                  CUT TO: 17. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Claire and Bender and Brian are all sitting around     waiting for the Cokes.                            BENDER               Claire...you wanna see a picture of               a guy with elephantitus of the nuts?               It's pretty tasty...                            CLAIRE               No thank you...                            BENDER               How do you think he rides a bike?     Claire rolls her eyes and turns away in disgust.                            BENDER               Oh, Claire...would you ever consider               dating a guy like this?                            CLAIRE               Can't you just leave me alone?                            BENDER               I mean if he had a great personality               and was a good dancer and had a cool               car...Although you'd probably have               to ride in the back seat 'cause his               nuts would ride shotgun.                            CLAIRE               You know what I wish I was doing?                            BENDER               Op, watch what you say, Brian here               is a cherry.                            BRIAN               A cherry?                            CLAIRE               I wish I was on a plane to France.                            BRIAN               I'm not a cherry.                            BENDER                    (to Brian)               When have you ever gotten laid?                            BRIAN               I've laid, lotsa times!                            BENDER               Name one!                            BRIAN               She lives in Canada, met her at               Niagra Falls.  You wouldn't know               her.                            BENDER               Ever laid anyone around here.     Brian shushes Bender and points at Claire whos back is     still turned.                            BRIAN                    Oh, you and Claire, did it!     Claire spins around.                            CLAIRE              What are you talking about?                            BRIAN                    (to Claire)               Nothin', nothin!                    (to Bender)               Let's just drop it, we'll talk about               it later!                            CLAIRE               No!  Drop what, what're you talking               about?                            BENDER               Well, Brian's trying to tell me that               in addition to the number of girls               in the Niagra Falls area, that               presently you and he are, riding               the hobby horse!                            CLAIRE                    (to Brian)               Little pig!                            BRIAN               No I'm not!  I'm not!  John said I               was a cherry and I said I wasn't,               that's it, that's all that was said!                            BENDER               Well then what were you motioning to               Claire for?                            CLAIRE               You know I don't appreciate this               very much, Brian.                            BRIAN               He is lying!                            BENDER               Oh you weren't motioning to Claire?                            BRIAN               You know he's lying, right?                            BENDER               Were you or were you not motioning               to Claire?                            BRIAN               Yeah, but it was only...was only               because I didn't want her to know               that I was a virgin, okay?     Bender just stares at him.                            BRIAN               Excuse me for being a virgin, I'm               sorry...     Claire laughs.                            CLAIRE               Why didn't you want me to know you               were a virgin?                            BRIAN               Because it's personal business, it's               my personal, private business.                            BENDER               Well Brian, it doesn't sound like               you're doing any business...                            CLAIRE               I think it's okay for a guy to be a               virgin...     Bender looks suprised.                            BRIAN               You do?     Claire smiles and nods.                                                  CUT TO: 18.  INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Later.     Everybody has lunches now.     Claire begins to take hers out of a small shopping bag.                            BENDER               What's in there?                            CLAIRE               Guess, where's your lunch?                            BENDER               You're wearing it...                            CLAIRE               You're nauseating...     Bender grabs a Coke and tosses it over to Allison who     catches it without even looking up.     Bender then watches Claire set up a sushi platter.                            BENDER               What's that?                            CLAIRE               Sushi...                            BENDER               Sushi?                            CLAIRE               Rice, uh, raw fish and seaweed.                            BENDER               You won't accept a guys tongue in               your mouth and you're gonna eat               that?                            CLAIRE               Can I eat?                            BENDER               I don't know...give it a try...     We now watch Andrew take a couple sandwiches out of his     bag, a bag of potato chips, an apple, a banana, a bag     of cookies and a carton of milk.     Allison opens her Coke and it fizzes over.  She loudly     slurps it up off the table and her fingers.     Andrew sees Bender looking at him.                            ANDREW               What's your problem?     Allison opens her sandwich and and tosses the meat up.     It lands on the sculpture above.     She opens some pixie stix and pours the sugar on the     sandwich and then puts Cap'n Crunch on top of that.     She crushes the sandwich together and loudly eats it.     Bender goes over and sits by Brian, Bender takes     Brian's bag lunch.                            BENDER               What're we having?                            BRIAN               Uh, it's your standard, regular               lunch I guess...     Bender reaches in the bag and pulls out a thermos.  He     sets it on the table and points at it.                            BENDER               Milk?                            BRIAN               Soup.     Bender goes in again and pulls out a juice box.     Brian reaches toward the bag and Bender slaps his hand.                            BRIAN               That's apple juice...                            BENDER               I can read!  PB & J with the crusts               cut off...Well Brian, this is a               very nutritous lunch, all the food               groups are represented.  Did your               mom marry Mr. Rogers?                            BRIAN               Uh, no, Mr. Johnson...                            BENDER               Ahhh....     Andrew and Claire smile at each other.  Bender stands.                            BENDER               Here's my impression of life at big               Bri's house...                    (in a loud and friendly voice)               Son!                    (in a kiddie voice)               Yeah Dad?                    (loud)               How's your day, pal?                    (kiddie)               Great Dad, how's yours?                    (loud)               Super, say son, how'd you like to go               fishing this weekend?                    (kiddie)               Great Dad, but I've got homework to               do!                    (loud)               That's alright son, you can do it,               on the boat!                    (kiddie)               Geee!!!                    (loud)               Dear, isn't our son swell?                    (quiet and motherly)               Yes Dear, isn't life swell?     Bender mimes mother kissing father and then father     kissing mother and then father punching mother in the     face.     Suddenly it's not so funny anymore.                            ANDREW               Alright, what about your family?                            BENDER               Oh, mine?                            ANDREW               That's real easy!     Bender stands again and points forward.                            BENDER                    (as his father)               Stupid, worthless, no good, God               damned, freeloading, son of a bitch,               retarded, bigmouth, know it all,               asshole, jerk!                       (as his mother)               You forgot ugly, lazy and               disrespectful.     Bender slams his hand back to slap his invisable     mother.                            BENDER                    (as his father)               Shut up bitch!  Go fix me a turkey               pot pie!                    (as himself)               What about you Dad?                    (as his father)               Fuck you!                    (as himself)               No, Dad, what about you?                    (as his father)               Fuck you!                    (as himself--yelling)               No, Dad, what about you?                    (as his father--yelling)               Fuck you!     He reaches out and pretend he's his father hitting him.                            BRIAN               Is that for real?                            BENDER                    (to Brian)               You wanna come over sometime?                            ANDREW               That's bullshit.  It's all part of               your image, I don't believe a word               of it.     Bender actually looks hurt.                     BENDER               You don't believe me?                            ANDREW               No...                            BENDER               No?                            ANDREW               Did I stutter?     Bender comes over to Andrew and rolls up his right     sleeve to reveal a circular shaped burn.                            BENDER               Do you believe this?  Huh?  It's               about the size of a cigar...Do I               stutter?  You see, this is what you               get in my house when you spill paint               in the garage.     Bender begins to walk away.                            BENDER               See I don't think that I need to               sit here with you fuckin' dildos anymore!     Bender walks over to a map table and throws all the     maps on the floor.  He climbs up on top of the table and     then up to the second floor balcony.                            CLAIRE                    (to Andrew)               You shouldn't have said that!                            ANDREW               How would I know, I mean he lies               about everything anyway!                                                 CUT TO: 19. INT. VERNON'S OFFICE - DAY     Vernon puts an orange in his mouth and then attempts to     pour coffee out of his thermos.  The top comes off and     the coffee goes all over his desk.                            VERNON               Oh, shit!                                                  CUT TO: 20. INT. HALLWAY - DAY     Vernon walks into the hallway, talking to himself.                            VERNON               Coffee...looks like they scrape it               off the bottom of the Mississippi               river.  Everything's polluted,               everything's polluted...the coffee.     Bender comes out of the library doors followed     bye veryone else.     Bender and Claire are walking next to each other.     Brian and Andrew are walking next to each other and at the     end of the line, Allison is following.                            CLAIRE                    (to Bender)               How do you know where Vernon went?                            BENDER               I don't...                            CLAIRE               Well then, how do you know when he'll               be back?                            BENDER               I don't...being bad feels pretty               good, huh?                            BRIAN                    (to Andrew)               What's the point in going to Bender's               locker?                            ANDREW               Beats me...                            BRIAN               This is so stupid...Why do you think,               why are we risking getting caught?                            ANDREW               I dunno...                            BRIAN               So then what are we doing?                            ANDREW               You ask me one more question and I'm               beating the shit out of you!                            BRIAN               Sorry...     Bender opens his locker.                            ANDREW               Slob!                            BENDER               My maid's on vacation.     Bender pulls out a bag of marijuana.                            BRIAN               Drugs...                            ANDREW              Screw that Bender...put it back!     Bender walks away.                         BRIAN               Drugs...the boy had marijuana.     Claire walks after Bender.                            BRIAN               That was marijuana!                            ANDREW               Shut up!     Andrew follows the other two.  Brian looks at Allison     who is standing there with her mouth open.                            BRIAN               Do you approve of this?     Brian turns and leaves.  Allison steals the lock off of     Bender's locker.     We see the crowd walking down the hall.                            BENDER               We'll cross through the lab, and               then we'll double back.                            ANDREW               You better be right, if Vernon cuts               us off it's your fault, asshole!                            BRIAN                    (to Claire)               What'd he say?  Where're we going?     They see Vernon down one of the halls.  We have various     sequences of them running around and seeing Vernon     until they stop.                            BENDER               Wait!  Wait, hold it!  Hold it!  We               have to go through the cafeteria!                            ANDREW               No, the activities hall.                            BENDER               Hey man, you don't know what you're               talking about!                            ANDREW               No you don't know what you're               talking about!     Allison squeaks.                            ANDREW               Now we're through listening to you,               we're going this way.     They all go Andrew's way and run into a hall closed by     an iron gate.                            ANDREW               Shit!                            BENDER               Great idea Jagoff!                            ANDREW               Fuck you!                            CLAIRE                    (to Andrew)               Fuck you!  Why didn't you listen to               John?                            BRIAN               We're dead!                            BENDER               No, just me!                            BRIAN               What do you mean?                            BENDER               Get back to the library, keep your               unit on this!     Bender puts his bag of marijuana into Brian's     underwear.     Bender runs away singing loudly.  “I wanna be an     airborne ranger...”     We see Vernon hear Bender.     The rest of them run.                            VERNON               That son of a bitch!     We see Vernon looking for Bender until he finds him in     the gym.     Bender is going up for a basket.                            BENDER               Three...two...one!     He dunks the ball.  Vernon enters.                            VERNON               Bender!  Bender!  Bender!  What is               this?  What are you doing here, what               is this?                            BENDER               Oh, hi!                            VERNON               Out!  That's it Bender!  Out, it's               over!                            BENDER               Don't you wanna hear my excuse?                            VERNON               Out!                            BENDER               I'm thinking of trying out for a               scholarship.                            VERNON               Gimmie the ball, Bender.     Bender fakes the ball at Vernon.  He then sets the ball     down and rolls it at Vernon who kicks it back at him.     They leave.                                                  CUT TO: 21. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     The rest of the kids are all sitting back in their     seats when Bender and Vernon enter.  Vernon pushes Bender.                            VERNON               Get your stuff, let's go!                    (to everyone)               Mr. Wiseguy here has taken it upon               himself to go to the gymnasium.  I'm               sorry to inform you, you're going to               be without his services for the rest               of the day.                            BENDER                    (to Vernon)               B-O-O H-O-O!                            VERNON               Everything's a big joke, huh Bender?               The false alarm you pulled, Friday,               false alarms are really funny,               aren't they...What if your home,               what if your family...                    (a beat)               ...what if your dope was on fire?                            BENDER               Impossible, sir...It's in Johnson's               underwear...     Andrew laughs.                            VERNON                    (to Andrew)               You think he's funny?  You think               this is cute?  You think he's               bitchin', is that it?  Lemme tell               you something.  Look at him, he's a               bum.                    (to everybody)               You wanna see something funny?  You               go visit John Bender in five years!               You'll see how God damned funny he               is!                    (to Bender)               What's the matter, John?  You gonna               cry?  Let's go...     Vernon grabs Bender's shoulder.                            BENDER               Hey keep your fuckin' hands off me!               I expect better manners from you,               Dick!     Bender takes his sunglasses out of his pocket and lays     them in front of Andrew.                            BENDER               For better hallway vision!     Bender leaves but not before pushing stuff over on the     way.                                                  CUT TO: 21. INT. CLOSET - DAY     Vernon has put Bender in a closet and is in there     talking to him.                            VERNON               That's the last time, Bender.  That's               the last time you ever make me look               bad in front of those kids, do you               hear me?  I make $31,000 dollars a               year and I have a home and I'm not               about to throw it away on some punk               like you...But someday, man, someday.               When you're outta here and you've               forgotten all about this place...               And they've forgotten all about you               and you're wrapped up in your own               pathetic life...I'm gonna be there.               That's right.  And I'm gonna kick               the living shit out of you, man, I'm               gonna knock your dick in the dirt!                            BENDER               Are you threatening me?                            VERNON               What're you gonna do about it?  You               think anybody's gonna believe you?               You think anybody's gonna take your               word over mine?  I'm a man of               respect around here.  They love me               around here, I'm a swell guy...you're               a lying sack of shit!  And everybody               knows it.  Oh, you're a real tough               guy...come on, come on...get on your               feet, pal!  Let's find out how               tough you are!  I wanna know right               now, how tough you are!  Come on!               I'll give you the first punch, let's               go!  Come on, right here, just take               the first shot!  Please, I'm begging               you, take a shot!  Come on, just               take one shot, that's all I need,               just one swing...     Bender just sits there staring at Vernon.  Vernon fakes     a punch and Bender flinches.                            VERNON               That's what I though...you're a               gutless turd!     Vernon leaves and locks the closet door after him.     Bender climbs into a hatch in the ceiling and     disappears.                                                 CUT TO: 22. INT. HEATING DUCT - DAY     Bender is slowly crawling through a heating duct.                            BENDER                    (to himself)               A naked blond walks into a bar, with               a poodle under one arm and a two               foot salami under the other.  She               lays the poodle on the table.  Bar-               tender says: "I suppose you won't               be needing a drink."  The naked               lady says...     The ceiling under Bender gives and he falls through.                            BENDER                    (screaming)               Oh shit!!!!                                                  CUT TO: 23. INT. FACILTY BATHROOM - DAY     We see the door to the bathroom.  We hear Vernon     inside.                         VERNON (OS)               Jesus Christ, allmighty!                                                  CUT TO 24. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Bender walks down the stairs.                            BENDER               I forgot my pencil...     We hear Vernon in the hall.                         VERNON (OS)               God damnit!  What in God's name is               going on in here?     Vernon enters.                            VERNON              What was that ruckus?                            ANDREW               Uh, what ruckus?                            VERNON               I was just in my office and I heard               a ruckus!                            BRIAN               Could you describe the ruckus, sir?                            VERNON               Watch your tongue young man, watch               it!     We see Bender under the table by Claire's legs.  He     sits up and bangs his head on the table.  He groans.     Above the table, Andrew and Claire try to take credit     for the noise by making more noise.                            VERNON               What is that?  What, what is that,               what is that noise?     Under the table, Bender looks between Claire's legs and     can see her panties.  He puts his head between Claire's     legs.                            ANDREW               What noise?                            CLAIRE               Really, sir, there wasn't any noise...     Claire squeels.  She squeezes Bender's head between her     knees.     Everyone starts faking a coughing fit.                            CLAIRE                    (flustered)               That noise?  Was that the noise you               were talking about?                            VERNON               No, it wasn't.  That was not the               noise I was talking about.  Now, I               may not have caught you in the act               this time, but you can bet I will.     Allison laughs at Vernon.                            VERNON               You make book on that missy!                    (to Claire)               And you!  I will not be made a fool               of!     He turns and walks away.  We see that he still has the     toilet seat cover stuck to his pants.     Vernon leaves.     Everyone laughs except Claire who lets Bender out to a     barage of slaps.                            BENDER               It was an accident!                           CLAIRE               You're an asshole!                            BENDER               So sue me...     Bender gets up and walks over to Brian.                            BENDER               So, Ahab...Kybo Mein Doobage...     Brian gives Bender his bag of marajuana.  Bender turns     and walks away.                            ANDREW               Yo waistoid...you're not gonna blaze               up in here!     Claire gets up and goes after him.  Then Brian.                            ANDREW               Shit...     Andrew goes.                                                  CUT TO: 25. INT. STAIRS - DAY     We see Vernon go down the stairs.                                                  CUT TO: 26. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Brian, Bender and Claire are sitting in a circle and     laughing hysterically.     Bender lights Claire up and she coughs the smoke out.     Brian laughs at her.  He exhales and tries to eat the     smoke.  He talks in a really weird voice.                            BRIAN               Chicks, cannot hold der smoke!  That's               what it is!                            CLAIRE               Do you know how popular I am?  I'm               so popular, everybody loves me so               much, at this school...                            BENDER               Poor baby.     Brian waves Claire over to him and he falls over.     We see Andrew emerge from a really smokey room.  He     inhales another puff and then starts dancing to     everybody's applause.     He goes back in the room he was in.  He screams and it     shatters the glass in the door.                                                  CUT TO: 27. INT. BASEMENT - DAY     Vernon is glancing through the confidential files in the     school basement.                            VERNON                    (to himself)               Mister, oh mister Tearney...a               history of slight mental illness?               Wooh, no wonder he's so fucked up!     Carl enters.                             CARL               Afternoon, Dick...                            VERNON               Hey Carl, how you doin'?                             CARL               Good...                            VERNON               Good, what's up?                             CARL               Not much, what's happening, what               are you doing in the basement files?                            VERNON               Oh, nothin' nothin' here.  I'm just               doin' a little homework here...                             CARL               Homework, huh?                            VERNON               Yeah...     Carl, laughing, comes over and looks at the files that     Vernon was looking at.                             CARL               Confidential files...hmmm?                            VERNON               Look, Carl...this is a highly               sensitive area and I, I tell you               something...certain people would be               very very embarrassed.  I would really               appreciate it if if if if this would               be something that, that you and I               could keep between us...                             CARL               What're you gonna do for me, man?                            VERNON               Well, well what would you like?                             CARL               Got fifty bucks?                            VERNON               What?                             CARL               Fifty bucks...                                                  CUT TO: 28. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     We see Andrew and Brian laughing.  Allison is hanging     out over by the statue in the back of the library.                            ANDREW               No no man, no; you got a middle               name?                            BRIAN               Yeah, guess...     Allison suddenly takes interest in the conversation and     as she speaks, she moves over and sits next to the two.                           ALLISON               Your middle name is Ralph, as in               puke...     Brian and Andrew look at her in confusion.                           ALLISON               ...your birthday is March 12th,               you're five-nine and a half you               weigh a hundred and thirty pounds               and your social security number is               0-4-9-3-8-0-9-1                    (a beat)               3.     Andrew is impressed.                            ANDREW               Wow!  Are you psychic?                           ALLISON               No...                            BRIAN               Well would you mind telling me how               you know all this about me?     Allison reaches in her bag.                           ALLISON               I stole your wallet...     She produces it in her hands and grins.                            BRIAN               Give it to me...                           ALLISON               No...                            BRIAN               Give it!     Allison reluctantly hands over the wallet and Brian     glances through it to make sure nothing is missing.                            BRIAN               This is great...you're a thief too!               Huh?                           ALLISON               I'm not a thief!                            BRIAN               Multi-talented!                           ALLISON               What's there to steal?  Two bucks               and a beaver shot!                            ANDREW               A what?                          ALLISON               He's got a nudie picture in there!               I saw it, it's perverted!                            ANDREW               Alright, let's see it!     We see Bender, he is brushing his teeth with one of     Claire's cosmetic brushes.     We see Claire looking through Bender's wallet pictures.                            CLAIRE               Are all these your girlfriends?                            BENDER               Some of them...                            CLAIRE               What about the others?                            BENDER               Well, some I consider my girlfriends               and some...I just consider...                            CLAIRE               Consider what?                            BENDER               Whether or not, I wanna hang out               with them...                            CLAIRE               You don't believe in just one guy,               one girl?                            BENDER               Do you?                            CLAIRE               Yeah...that's the way it should be.                            BENDER               Well, not for me...                            CLAIRE               Why not?     Bender clearly doesn't want to answer that.  He acts     defensive.                            BENDER               How come you got so much shit in               your purse?                            CLAIRE               How come you got so many               girlfriends?                            BENDER               I asked you first...                            CLAIRE                    (shrugs)               I dunno...I guess I never throw               anything away.                            BENDER               Neither do I...                            CLAIRE               Oh...     We cut back to where Andrew, Brian and Allison are     sitting, Andrew is looking through Brian's wallet.                            ANDREW               This is the worst fake ID I've ever               seen...     Brian laughs.                            ANDREW               Do you realize you made yourself               sixty eight?                            BRIAN               Oh, I know...I know, I goofed it...                            ANDREW               What do you need a fake ID for?                            BRIAN                    (like it's obvious)               So I can vote!     Allison looks up suddenly.                           ALLISON               You wanna see what's in my bag?                        BRIAN & ANDREW               No!     Allison looks hurt and then resentful.  Just to spite     them, she dumps the contents of her bag onto the couch.     Lots of stuff comes out.                            ANDREW               Holy shit!  What is all that stuff?                            BRIAN               Do you always carry this much shit               in your bag?                           ALLISON               Yeah...I always carry this much shit               ...in my bag...You never know when               you may have to jam...                            BRIAN               Are you gonna be like a shopping               bag lady?  You know like, sit in               alleyways and like talk to buildings               and wear men's shoes and that kinda               thing?                           ALLISON               I'll do what I have to do...                            BRIAN               Why do you have to do anything?                           ALLISON                    (with feeling)               My home life is un...satisfying...                            BRIAN               So you're saying you'd subject               yourself to the violent dangers of               the Chicago streets because your               homelife is unsatisfying?                           ALLISON               I don't have to run away and live               in the street...I can run away and,               go to the ocean, I can go to the               country, I can go to the mountains.               I can go to Israel, Africa,               Afghanistan...     Brian looks at her and then moves over to Andrew.                            BRIAN               Andy...you wanna get in on this?               Allison here says, she wants to run               away, because her home life is               unsatisfying...                            ANDREW               Well everyone's home lives are un-               satisfying...If it wasn't, people               would live with there parents               forever...                            BRIAN               Yeah, yeah I understand.  But I               think that her's goes beyond, you               know, what guys like you and me...               consider normal unsatisfying...                           ALLISON               Nevermind...forget it, everything's               cool!     Allison starts putting everything back in her purse.                            ANDREW               What's the deal?                           ALLISON               No!  There's no deal, Sporto.               Forget it, leave me alone.                            ANDREW               Wait a minute, now you're carrying               all that crap around in your purse.               Either you really wanna run away or               you want people to think you wanna               run away.                           ALLISON               Eat shit!     Allison gets up and walks away.                            BRIAN               The girl is an island, with herself.               Okay?     Andrew gets up and goes after her.                            ANDREW               Hi, you wanna talk?                           ALLISON               No!                            ANDREW               Why not?                           ALLISON               Go away...                            ANDREW               Where do you want me to go?                           ALLISON               GO away!     Andrew turns away and Allison starts to cry.                           ALLISON               You have problems...                            ANDREW               Oh, I have problems?                           ALLISON               You do everything everybody ever               tells you to do, that is a problem!                            ANDREW               Okay, fine...but I didn't dump my               purse out on the couch and invite               people into my problems...Did I?               So what's wrong?  What is it?  Is               is bad?  Real bad?  Parents?     Allison is silently crying.                           ALLISON               Yeah...     Andrew nods.                            ANDREW               What do they do to you?                           ALLISON              They ignore me...                            ANDREW               Yeah...yeah...     They both are crying silently.                                                  CUT TO: 29. INT. BASEMENT - DAY     Vernon and Carl are sitting talking.                            VERNON               What did you want to be when you               were young?                             CARL               When I was a kid, I wanted to be               John Lennon...                            VERNON               Carl don't be a goof!  I'm trying               to make a serious point here...I've               been teaching, for twenty two years,               and each year...these kids get more               and more arrogant.                             CARL               Aw bull shit, man.  Come on Vern,               the kids haven't changed, you have!               You took a teaching position, 'cause               you thought it'd be fun, right?               Thought you could have summer               vacations off...and then you found               out it was actually work...and that               really bummed you out.                            VERNON               These kids turned on me...they think               I'm a big fuckin' joke...                             CARL               Come on...listen Vern, if you were               sixteen, what would you think of               you, huh?                            VERNON               Hey...Carl, you think I give one               rat's ass what these kids think of               me?                             CARL               Yes I do...                            VERNON               You think about this...when you get               old, these kids; when I get old,               they're gonna be runnin' the country.                             CARL               Yeah?                            VERNON               Now this is the thought that wakes               me up in the middle of the night...               That when I get older, these kids               are gonna take care of me...                             CARL               I wouldn't count on it!     Vernon ponders that statement for a moment.                                                  CUT TO: 30. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     They are sitting on the floor in a circle.                            ANDREW               What would I do for a million bucks?               Well, I guess I'd do as little as I               had to...                            CLAIRE               That's boring...                            ANDREW               Well, how'm I s'posed to answer?                            CLAIRE               The idea is to like search your mind               for the absolute limit.  Like, uh,               would you drive to school naked?     Andrew laughs.                            ANDREW               Um, uh...would I have to get out of               the car?                            CLAIRE               Of course...                            ANDREW               In the spring, or winter?                            CLAIRE               It doesn't matter...spring...                            ANDREW               In front of the school or in back               of the school?                            CLAIRE               Either one...                            ANDREW               Yes...                           ALLISON               I'd do that!     They all look at her.                           ALLISON               I'll do anything sexual, I don't               need a million dollars to do it               either...                            CLAIRE               You're lying...                           ALLISON               I already have...I've done just               about everything there is except a               few things that are illegal...I'm a               nymphomaniac!     Claire rolls her eyes.                            CLAIRE               Lie...                            BRIAN               Are your parents aware of this?                           ALLISON               The only person I told was my               shrink...                            ANDREW               And what'd he do when you told him?                           ALLISON               He nailed me...                            CLAIRE               Very nice...                           ALLISON               I don't think that from a legal               standpoint what he did can be               construed as rape since I paid him.                            CLAIRE               He's an adult!     Allison is relishing this attention.                           ALLISON               Yeah...he's married too!     Claire notes her disgust.                            CLAIRE               Do you have any idea how completely               gross that is?                           ALLISON               Well, the first few times...                            CLAIRE               First few times?  You mean he did it               more than once?                           ALLISON               Sure...                            CLAIRE               Are you crazy?                            BRIAN               Obviously she's crazy if she's               screwing her shrink...                           ALLISON                    (to Claire)               Have you ever done it?                            CLAIRE               I don't even have a psychiatrist...                           ALLISON               Have you ever done it with a normal               person?                            CLAIRE               Now, didn't we already cover this?                            BENDER               You never answered the question...                            CLAIRE               Look, I'm not gonna discuss my               private life with total strangers.                           ALLISON               It's kind of a double-edged sword,               isn't it?                            CLAIRE               A what?                           ALLISON               Well, if you say you haven't...               you're a prude.  If you say you               have...you're a slut!  It's a trap.               You want to but you can't but when               you do you wish you didn't, right?                            CLAIRE               Wrong...                           ALLISON               Or, are you a tease?                            ANDREW               She's a tease...                            CLAIRE               Oh why don't you just forget it...                            ANDREW               You're a tease and you know it, all               girls are teases!                            BENDER                    (to Andrew)               She's only a tease if what she does               gets you hot...                            CLAIRE               I don't do anything!                           ALLISON               That's why you're a tease...                            CLAIRE               Okay, lemme ask you a few questions.     Allison is suddenly defensive.                           ALLISON               I've already told you everything!                            CLAIRE               No!  Doesn't it bother you to sleep               around without being in love.  I               mean don't you want any respect?                           ALLISON               I don't screw to get respect...That's               the difference between you and me...                            CLAIRE               Not the only difference, I hope.                            BENDER               Face it, you're a tease.                            CLAIRE               I'm not a tease!                            BENDER               Sure you are!  You said it yourself               sex is a weapon, you use it to get               respect!                            CLAIRE               No, I never said that, she twisted               my words around.                            BENDER               Oh then what do you use it for?                            CLAIRE               I don't use it period!     Claire is on the verge of tears.                            BENDER               Oh, are you medically frigid or is               it psychological?                            CLAIRE               I didn't mean it that way!  You guys               are putting words into my mouth!                            BENDER               Well if you'd just answer the               question...                            BRIAN               Why don't you just answer the               question?                            ANDREW               Be honest...                            BENDER               No big deal...                            BRIAN               Yeah, answer it!                            ANDREW               Answer the question, Claire!                            BENDER               Talk to us!                       ANDREW & BRIAN               Come on, answer the question!                            BENDER               It's easy, it's only one question!     Claire silences all of them by screaming.                            CLAIRE                    (screaming)               No!  I never did it!     Silence for two beats.                           ALLISON               I never did it either, I'm not a               nymphomaniac...I'm a compulsive               liar...                            CLAIRE               You are such a bitch!  You did that               on purpose just to fuck me over!                           ALLISON               I would do it though...If you love               someone it's okay...                            CLAIRE               I can't believe you, you're so               weird.  You don't say anything all               day and then when you open your               mouth...you unload all these               tremendous lies all over me!                            ANDREW               You're just pissed off because she               got you to admit something you didn't               want to admit to...                            CLAIRE               Okay, fine, but that doesn't make it               any less bizarre...                            ANDREW               What's bizarre?  I mean we're all               pretty bizarre!  Some of us are just               better at hiding it, that's all.                            CLAIRE                    (to Andrew)               How are you bizarre?     Allison decides to field that question.                           ALLISON               He can't think for himself...                            ANDREW               She's right...do you guys know what,               uh, what I did to get in here?  I               taped Larry Lester's buns together.     Claire laughs.                            BRIAN                    (to Andrew)               That was you?                           ANDREW                    (to Brian)               Yeah, you know him?                            BRIAN               Yeah, I know him...                            ANDREW               Well then you know how hairy he is,               right?  Well, when they pulled the               tape off, most of his hair came off               and some, some skin too...                            CLAIRE               Oh my God...                            ANDREW               And the bizarre thing is, is that               I did it for my old man...I               tortured this poor kid, because I               wanted him to think that I was cool.               He's always going off about, you               know, when he was in school...all               the wild things he used to do.  And               I got the feeling that he was               disappointed that I never cut loose               on anyone, right...So, I'm...I'm               sitting in the locker room, and I'm               taping up my knee.  And Larry's               undressing a couple lockers down               from me.  Yeah...he's kinda...               he's kinda skinny, weak.  And I               started thinking about my father,               and his attitude about weakness.               And the next thing I knew, I uh, I               jumped on top of him and started               wailing on him...And my friends,               they just laughed and cheered me on.               And afterwards, when I was sittin'               in Vernon's office, all I could               think about was Larry's father. And               Larry havin' to go home and...and               explain what happened to him.  And               the humiliation...fucking               humiliation he mustuv felt.  It               mustuv been unreal...I mean,                    (he's crying)               I mean, how do you apologize for               something like that?  There's no               way...it's all because of me and               my old man.  Oh God, I fucking hate               him!  He's like this...he's like               this mindless machine that I can't               even relate to anymore..."Andrew,               you've got to be number one!  I               won't tolerate any losers in this               family...Your intensity is for shit!               Win.  Win!  WIN!!!"  You son of a               bitch!  You know, sometimes, I wish               my knee would give...and I wouldn't               be able to wrestle anymore.  And he               could forget all about me...                            BENDER               I think your old man and my old man               should get together and go bowling.     Andrew laughs briefly.                            BRIAN               It's like me, you know, with my               grades...like, when I, when I               step outside myself kinda, and               when I, when I look in at myself               you know?  And I see me and I don't               like what I see, I really don't.                            CLAIRE               What's wrong with you?  Why don't               you like yourself?                            BRIAN               'Cause I'm stupid...'cause I'm failing               shop.  See we had this assignment,               to make this ceramic elephant, and               um...and we had eight weeks to do               it and we're s'posed ta, and it was               like a lamp, and when you pull the               trunk the light was s'posed to go               on...my light didn't go on, I got a               F on it.  Never got a F in my life...               When I signed up, you know, for the               course I mean.  I thought I was               playing it real smart, you know.               'Cause I thought, I'll take shop,               it'll be such an easy way to               maintain my grade point average...                            BENDER               Why'd you think it'd be easy?                            BRIAN               Have you seen some of the dopes that               take shop?                            BENDER               I take shop...you must be a fuckin'               idiot!                            BRIAN               I'm a fuckin' idiot because I can't               make a lamp?                            BENDER               No, you're a genius because you               can't make a lamp...                            BRIAN               What do you know about Trigonometry?                            BENDER               I could care less about               Trigonometry...                            BRIAN               Bender, did you know without               Trigonometry there'd be no               engineering?                            BENDER               Without lamps, there'd be no light!                            CLAIRE              Okay so neither one of you is any               better than the other one...     Allison feels left out.                           ALLISON               I can write with my toes!  I can               also eat, brush my teeth...                            CLAIRE               With your feet?                           ALLISON               ...play Heart & Soul on the piano.                            BRIAN               I can make spaghetti!                            CLAIRE                    (to Andrew)               What can you do?                            ANDREW               I can...uh...tape all your buns               together...                            BENDER               I wanna see what Claire can do!                            CLAIRE               I can't do anything.                            BENDER               Now, everybody can do something...                            CLAIRE               There's one thing I can do, no               forget it, it's way too embarrassing.                            BENDER               You ever seen Wild Kingdom?  I mean               that guy's been doing that show for               thirty years.                            CLAIRE               Okay, but you have to swear to God               you won't laugh...I can't believe               I'm actually doing this...     Claire takes lipstick out and opens it.  She places it     between her breasts and applies it from her cleavage.     When she lifts her head, her lipstick is perfect.      Everyone claps.  Bender's clap is sarcastic and slow.                            ANDREW               All right, great!  Where'd you learn               to do that?                            CLAIRE               Camp, seventh grade...                            BENDER               That was great, Claire...my image of               you is totally blown...                           ALLISON               You're a shit!  Don't do that to her               you swore to God you wouldn't laugh!                            BENDER               Am I laughing?                            ANDREW               You fucking prick!     Bender turns to Andrew.  As he speaks, we can see his     words hitting home.                            BENDER               What do you care what I think,               anyway?  I don't even count, right?               I could disappear forever and it               wouldn't make any difference...I may               as well not even exist at this               school, remember?                    (he turns to Claire)               And you...don't like me anyway!                            CLAIRE               You know, I have just as many               feelings as you do and it hurts               just as much when somebody steps               all over them!                            BENDER               God, you're so pathetic!                    (furious)               Don't you ever...ever!  Compare               yourself to me!  Okay?  You got               everything, and I got shit!  Fuckin'               Rapunzel, right?  School would               probably fucking shut down if you               didn't show up!  "Queenie isn't               here!"  I like those earrings Claire.                            CLAIRE                    (quietly)               Shut up...                            BENDER               Are those real diamonds, Claire?                            CLAIRE                    (angry)               Shut up!                    BENDER                       CLAIRE          I bet they are...did you          work, for the money               Shut...          for those earrings?                   Your mouth!                            BENDER               Or did your daddy buy those?                            CLAIRE                    (furious)               Shut up!     Claire starts crying.                            BENDER               I bet he bought those for you!  I               bet those are a Christmas gift!               Right?  You know what I got for               Christmas this year?  It was a               banner fuckin' year at the old               Bender family!  I got a carton of               cigarettes.  The old man grabbed me               and said "Hey!  Smoke up Johnny!"               Okay, so go home'n cry to your               daddy, don't cry here, okay?     There are a few beats.                            ANDREW               My God, are we gonna be like our               parents?                            CLAIRE               Not me...ever...                           ALLISON               It's unavoidable, it just happens.                            CLAIRE               What happens?                           ALLISON               When you grow up, your heart dies.                            BENDER               Who cares?     Allison is on the verge of tears herself.                           ALLISON               I care...                            BRIAN               Um, I was just thinking, I mean.  I               know it's kind of a weird time, but               I was just wondering, um, what is               gonna happen to us on Monday?  When               we're all together again?  I mean I               consider you guys my friends, I'm               not wrong, am I?                            ANDREW               No...                            BRIAN               So, so on Monday...what happens?                            CLAIRE               Are we still friends, you mean?               If we're friends now, that is?                            BRIAN               Yeah...                            CLAIRE               Do you want the truth?                            BRIAN               Yeah, I want the truth...                            CLAIRE               I don't think so...                           ALLISON               Well, do you mean all of us or just               John?                            CLAIRE               With all of you...                            ANDREW               That's a real nice attitude, Claire!                            CLAIRE               Oh, be honest, Andy...if Brian came               walking up to you in the hall on               Monday, what would you do?  I mean               picture this, you're there with all               the sports.  I know exactly what               you'd do, you'd say hi to him and               when he left you'd cut him all up               so your friends wouldn't think you               really liked him!                            ANDREW               No way!                           ALLISON               'Kay, what if I came up to you?                            CLAIRE               Same exact thing!                            BENDER                    (furious and screaming at Claire)               You are a bitch!                            CLAIRE               Why?  'Cause I'm telling the truth,               that makes me a bitch?                            BENDER               No!  'Cause you know how shitty that               is to do to someone!  And you don't               got the balls to stand up to your               friends and tell 'em that you're               gonna like who you wanna like!                            CLAIRE               Okay, what about you, you hypocrite!               Why don't you take Allison to one of               your heavy metal vomit parties?  Or               take Brian out to the parking lot at               lunch to get high?  What about Andy               for that matter, what about me?               What would your friends say if we               were walking down the hall together.               They'd laugh their asses off and               you'd probably tell them you were               doing it with me so they'd forgive               you for being seen with me.                            BENDER                    (furious once again)               Don't you ever talk about my               friends!  You don't know any of my               friends, you don't look at any of my               friends and you certainly wouldn't               condescend to speak to any of my               friends so you just stick to the               things you know, shopping, nail               polish, your father's BMW and your               poor--rich--drunk mother in the               Carribean!                            CLAIRE                    (furious and sobbing)               Shut up!                            BENDER               And as far as being concerned about               what's gonna happen when you and I               walk down the hallways at school,               you can forget it!  'Cause it's never               gonna happen!  Just bury your head               in the sand...and wait for your               fuckin' prom!                            CLAIRE               I hate you!                            BENDER               Yeah?  Good!     There is silence until Brian speaks.                            BRIAN               Then I assume Allison and I are               better people than you guys, huh?               Us weirdos...                    (to Allison)               Do you, would you do that to me?                           ALLISON               I don't have any friends...                            BRIAN               Well if you did?                           ALLISON               No...I don't think the kind of               friends I'd have would mind...                            BRIAN               I just wanna tell, each of you,               that I wouldn't do that...I wouldn't               and I will not!  'Cause I think that's               real shitty...                            CLAIRE               Your friends wouldn't mind because               they look up to us...     Brian laughs at her.                            BRIAN               You're so conceited, Claire.  You're               so conceited.  You're so, like, full               of yourself, why are you like that?                            CLAIRE                    (crying again)               I'm not saying that to be conceited!               I hate it!  I hate having to go               along with everything my friends say!                            BRIAN               Well then why do you do it?                            CLAIRE               I don't know, I don't...you don't               understand..you don't.  You're not               friends with the same kind of people               that Andy and I are friends with!               You know, you just don't understand               the pressure that they can put on               you!     Brian is shocked.                            BRIAN               I don't understand what?  You think               I don't understand pressure, Claire?               Well fuck you!  Fuck you!     Brian hides his head in his arm because he is crying.                            BRIAN               Know why I'm here today?  Do you?               I'm here because Mr. Ryan found a               gun in the locker...                            ANDREW               Why'd you have a gun in your locker?                            BRIAN               I tried.  You pull the fuckin' trunk               on it and the light's s'posed to go               on...and it didn't go on, I mean,               I...                            ANDREW               What's the gun for Brian?                            BRIAN               Just forget it...                            ANDREW               You brought it up, man!                            BRIAN               I can't have an F, I can't have it               and I know my parents can't have it!               Even if I aced the rest of the               semester, I'm still only a B.  And               everything's ruined for me!                            CLAIRE                    (with pity)               Oh Brian...     Brian bashes a chair over.                            BRIAN               So I considered my options, you               know?                            CLAIRE               No!  Killing yourself is not an               option!                            BRIAN               Well I didn't do it, did I?  No, I               don't think so!                           ALLISON               It was a hand gun?                            BRIAN               No, it was a flare gun, went off               in my locker.                            ANDREW               Really?     Andrew starts to laugh.                            BRIAN               It's not funny...     They all start to laugh, including Brian.                            BRIAN               Yes it is...fuckin' elephant was               destroyed!                           ALLISON               You wanna know what I did to get in               here?  Nothing...I didn't have               anything better to do.     Everyone laughs.                           ALLISON               You're laughing at me...                            ANDREW               No!     Allison starts to laugh too.                           ALLISON               Yeah you are!                                                  CUT TO: 31. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Later.     We see Brian putting a record on and then music starts.     We see them all dancing.  This goes on for the duration     of the song.                                                  CUT TO: 32. INT. HEATING DUCT - DAY     We see Bender crawling back through the heating duct.                                                  CUT TO: 33. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Andrew, Allison, Claire and Brian are sitting, in that     order on the railing.                            CLAIRE               Brian?                            BRIAN               Yeah?                            CLAIRE               Are you gonna write your paper?                            BRIAN               Yeah, why?                            CLAIRE               Well, it's kinda a waste for all of               us to write our paper, don't you               think?                            BRIAN               Oh, but that's what Vernon wants us               to do...                            CLAIRE               True, but I think we'd all kinda               say the same thing.                            BRIAN               You just don't want to write your               paper...Right?                            CLAIRE               True, but, you're the smartest,               right?                            BRIAN                    (with pride)               Oh, well...                            CLAIRE               We trust you...     Brian glances over at Allison and Andrew who nod in     approval.                            ANDREW               Yeah...                            BRIAN               All right, I'll do it...                            CLAIRE               Great...     Claire looks at Allison who looks back.                            CLAIRE                    (to Allison)               Come on...                           ALLISON               Where're we going?                            CLAIRE               Come on!     We see Claire putting eye make-up on Allison.                            CLAIRE               Don't be afraid.                           ALLISON               Don't stick that in my eye!                            CLAIRE               I'm not sticking it, just close...               just go like that...     Claire closes her eyes.  Allison mimics her.                            CLAIRE               Good...     Claire puts the make-up on her and Allison squeals.                            CLAIRE               You know you really do look a lot               better without all that black shit               on your eyes...                           ALLISON               Hey...I like that black shit...                            CLAIRE               This looks a lot better...look up.     We see Brian thinking about what he's going to write.     We see Andrew just thinking.     We see Allison and Claire again.  Claire is still     putting make-up on Allison.                           ALLISON               Please, why're you being so nice to               me?                            CLAIRE               'Cause you're letting me.     We see Brian begin to write.     We see Andrew, still deep in thought.                                                  CUT TO: 34. INT. CLOSET - DAY     We see Bender, in the closet once again.  Claire opens     the door and enters.                            BENDER               You lost?     Claire stares at him.     Bender smiles.     Claire smiles.                                                  CUT TO: 35. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Brian is busily preparing the essay.     Andrew looks up and sees the newly made over Allison     and is in awe.     Allison walks towards him and stops when she notices     Brian staring at her with his mouth open.     She glares at him.                            BRIAN               Cool!                           ALLISON                    (smiling)               Thank you!                                                  CUT TO: 36. INT. CLOSET - DAY     Claire kisses Bender, then she breaks the kiss.                            BENDER               Why'd you do that?                            CLAIRE               'Cause I knew you wouldn't.                            BENDER               You know how you said before, how               your parents used you to get back               at each other...wouldn't I be               outstanding in that capacity?                            CLAIRE               Were you really disgusted about               what I did with my lipstick?                            BENDER               Truth?                            CLAIRE               Truth...     Bender nods and speaks at the same time.                            BENDER               No...                                                  CUT TO: 37. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     We see Brian lift up his paper and kiss it.     We see Andrew and Allison.                            ANDREW               What happened to you?                           ALLISON        Why?  Claire did it!  What's wrong?                            ANDREW               Nothing's wrong, it's just so               different.  I can see your face.                           ALLISON               Is that good or bad?                            ANDREW                    (laughing)               It's good!     Allison smiles.     We see Brian laugh and give himself a congratulatory     punch in the arm.                                                  CUT TO: 38. INT. HALLWAY - DAY     The five are walking down the hall where they are met     by Carl, sweeping up.  Brian nods at him.                             CARL               See ya Brian...                            BRIAN               Hey Carl...                            BENDER                    (to Carl)               See you next Saturday...                             CARL               You bet!                                                  CUT TO: 39. EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY     Brian gets into his dad’s car and leaves.     Andrew and Allison kiss, Allison rips a patch off     Andrew’s jacket and gets into the car.     Andrew's dad arrives and looks at him, then at Allison.    Andrew gets into the car and they drive off.     We see Claire take out one of her diamond earrings     and put it into Benders hand.  They kiss and she gets     into her car.  She leaves.     We see Bender put the earring in his ear.                                                  CUT TO: 40. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     We see Vernon pick up Brian's essay and begin to read.                          BRIAN (VO)               Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact               that we had to sacrifice a whole               Saturday in detention for whatever               it was we did wrong.  But we think               you're crazy to make an essay               telling you who we think we are.               You see us as you want to see us...               In the simplest terms, in the most               convenient definitions.                                                  CUT TO: 41. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY     We see Bender walking towards us as Brian's monologue     continues.                          BRIAN (VO)                    (CONT'D)               But what we found out is that each               one of us is a brain...                        ANDREW (VO)               ...and an athlete...                         ALLISON (VO)               ...and a basket case...                         CLAIRE (VO)               ...a princess...                         BENDER (VO)               ...and a criminal...                          BRIAN (VO)               Does that answer your question?               Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.     We see Bender walking across the football field     as he thrusts his fist into the air in a silent cheer     and freezes there.                      The Breakfast Club                             Starring...          Andrew Clark.............Emilio Estevez          Richard Vernon...........Paul Gleason          Brian Johnson............Anthony Michael Hall          Carl.....................John Kapelos          John Bender..............Judd Nelson          Claire Standish..........Molly Ringwald          Allison Reynolds.........Ally Sheedy

[squaredancing-weston]

text || Brobastian (Week 2)

Bas: Okay fine - strategically placed mirrors, then, that get all of my best angles. But I mean, worst case scenario, we get a shitload of reflections of me. I don't see the downside. No, Brodes, /you're/ missing the point. It'd be far more humane to actually give me the relief I need rather than leave me in a permanent state of frustration. I mean, I don't know about you, but that sounds like more exertion than having someone tease me by opening me up, only to leave me wanting more. And, I mean, it's really only teasing the other guy, too. I'm sure he'd rather just pound me until I'm screaming his name while watching myself come apart in several different angles - god. It'd be so hot. So in what way does teasing me make more sense for either party, really?

Bas: The only person you're making laugh is yourself, so you have an audience of one. Which is you. How does that not sound sad to you? Nobody even showed up for your stand-up show, Brodes. Shame. I don't know - I find mocking other people hilarious. Take Hummel for example. Guy's so easily stirred up - it's great.

Bas: What, you think that just because I'm not interested in romance that I can't appreciate The Sound of Music? I know, I know - more nazis Surprise, surprise. Point is, if I went through life trying to avoid every single show that has romance, I'd be left with very little to watch. I'm not /that/ tired. Sleeping is boring. Seriously, it loses its appeal after the first few days. Trust me, I know the people I've slept with. Like I said, I go for quality. I mean, I might have had a few 9s, but I've never dipped lower than that. Yeah, well, one of the reasons I learned to sneak out a little quieter - to avoid shit like that again. Experienced or not, it sounds like you could've used someone to break you back into the world of hooking up - and what better way to start than me? Although there is that saying about saving the best till last. I said I tried whips /once/, moron, and I wasn't into it.

Bas: Didn't say that I couldn't be, but I'm not gonna die from having sex. Like you'll have any say what goes on my grave, unless it involves a poem about how hot I look naked. I'll draft something up for you, too. It'll probably involve chaps. You haven't seen me in weeks. For all you know, I look perfectly fuckable. I've seen the shows - I read /some/ of the books, but honestly, I'm not really into glorified food porn, so I gave up. No, you chose the old woman. "Girl" isn't the right way to describe her.

Bas: I wouldn't go that far. His ass /does/ rival mine, but I still think I've got the edge. Please - Blaine's everyone's type. You sure about that? I mean, I've known the guy since high school, Brodes. Plenty of time to corrupt him on some level. I have my ways.

Bas: Well, you could, but the question is - would it be as fun as talking to/about me? I doubt it. Who says you can't have it both ways? Now, Brodes, don't tell me you're going back in the closet. Sleeping with just girls is no fun. I /could/ stop answering, but where's the fun in that? As you keep insisting on reminding me, /I'm/ stuck inside with nowhere to go. Question is - what's your excuse?

Bas: What I had in mind didn't really involve mayonnaise, but I know that sometimes you get easily confused. She won't have /time/ to eat. They're /kids/ - they don't need to learn that shit until college, and it's really not all that hard to bend over in front of someone. I don't need Reese Witherspoon teaching me how to do it.

Brody: Fine, fine-- we can get you a bunch of mirrors so you can always see yourself fucking straining and hot and sweaty with this sensual sex monkey keening all over you. Better? But Bas-- the whole point of this was the fact that you're on your back for the next week-- and not in a good way. So you're not getting relief. We were trying to create a scenario that made it more manageable, remember? Not to get you fucked. So we found you someone that could manage that level or restraint that would drool and lave all over you without actually getting you off-- because you're sick and can't get off right now. So rather than put you at risk by giving in to his base instincts and spreading you open and just fucking slamming into you so hard that you can taste him cumming, he's choosing to wait for you. It's kind of romantic, really.

Brody: You only think that because you're only hearing one person in this conversation-- lots of people at work think this whole thing is hilarious. But even if they didn't, isn't it more important for me to find me funny? I'm awesome. Of course you do-- seriously, Kurt's just a kid, Bas-- you really don't need to be so hard on him. I mean, I know that's the only type of //hard// you can manage right now, but still XD

Brody: You're a Julie fan? Damn, that's sort of cute, peacock-- now I'm going to have to put together a compilation to have someone follow you around with at school. Hide a running playlist in your classroom... You do seem to enjoy your thwarted Nazis. That's true-- you'd be stuck with Annie and The Wizard of Oz and Chicago-- neither of which featured Nazis. Very disappointing. Okay-- so now Sleeping Beauty plotline in your South Park movie. Got it. Well, technically you //don't//, since you've just met them XD But yeah, I get your point, and if you think that there are enough 10s to keep up with your lifestyle, I'll believe you. Trust me-- sneaking out of the state was the only way to avoid it. Considering you were still a barely-drinking Bas, I would have felt bad for taking advantage of your innocence, but I appreciate the thought. God, I hope you're not my last, Bas-- that would just be depressing as hell. No offense. Uh huh-- just the once; not into it. Got it ;)

Brody: You could die from over-exerting yourself, punk. That's how people die in marathons-- their hearts give out. And you're sick, so sex would be your marathon, and then I'd catch all sorts of flack that, let's be honest, wouldn't be //that// great to begin with. Well then how can I say I told you so if you're dead and I can't write it on your tombstone? And thank you-- I will not be responsible for your boasting from the grave. Your body won't fit in the casket with your head still inflating. The chaps again Bas? Seriously, maybe I'll just buy you a pair and //they// can relieve that frustration for you. I know what sick looks like-- I don't need to see you daily to know how crappy you still look. So you've seen the shows, but you didn't follow "You murdered and raped my sister" between the bouts of, you know, murdering and raping? And then DYING? Were you having sex while you were watching? No-- my choice were the Tyrell siblings, and I chose the girl. I said if I were //you//, I would choose the old lady, since she wouldn't split me in half, first with her dick and then with her sword. And plus SHE'S NOT DEAD.

Brody: Yes-- your ass is straight as an edge. Definitely shapeless, especially compared to Blaine. I don't know-- I feel like I'd be corrupting him or something. He's just young, you know? The guy doesn't have a favorite sex position, for pete's sake. Takes off from the physical appeal. Yeah, I'm sure //some// ways-- just not all of them.

Brody: I guess that's up for debate. I mean, no one's projecting their freaky kinks at me if I'm talking to normal people at least. I was never in the closet, asshat. I was just kind of standing unawares in the doorway. And quitting this tete de tete with you is hardly shuffling back inside. I'm on lunch.

Brody: Well, I figured you had that weird thing about food play, so maybe you could make use of her excessive condiments. So you're going to reduce her to fainting from hypoglycemia? Rude. So you're saying you never batted your eyelashes to get what you wanted until college? Why do I doubt that?