#i'll admit i havent read that much yet just because

[my-soul-sings]

i’m honestly not sure how alive this fandom is anymore but will people still read TOT fic and specifically if I do a Kiss the Girl sequel thing? 

[lexithwrites]

what bkdk fics have you read and really liked? what other mha ships do you read?

OKAY! Imma do a lil fic rec list rn because I’ve been reading BakuDeku like crazy and have some good bookmarks. Now, I still have a LOT of bookmarked stories to get through, so I'll be sure to update this if people would like me too, but here are my fav bakudeku fics/short stories I've read so far:

From The Sidelines by suffocatingspring

You know this had to be on here, its just,,,,i know people have mixed opinions (mostly the outfit choices which i do agree with are,,,,choices) but this story was beautiful. I loved katsuki's chapters so fucking much, being able to see inside his mind and how he thinks and views izuku was amazing and its just a really fun, angsty, romance filled story. its quite smutty, although i think people freak out about that a little too much on tiktok but thats coming from someone that writes petplay regularly lmao, but i really love this. its so long, its addicting, and my god its CINEMATIC. this was the first bakudeku fic i ever read too, so it really got me into the anime again as well as the ship PLUS IT HAS SO MUCH GOOD 80s MUSIC THAT IVE SAVED AND LISTEN TO DAILY NOW PLS DOWNLOAD THE PLAYLIST FOR THE FULL EXPERIANCE MY GOD

It's Okay Because its You by suffocatingspring

this is the authors only other story and it was another joy! ive never read hanahaki stories before but it was gut wrenching, ilterally, how beautiful and horrifying the fictional disease is. we see a pining, desperatley in love katsuki with such a sweet izuku. they're both silly for not admitting their feelings but we had to have the angst somewhere, it was just another joy to read!

Drop Dead, Gorgeous by thewunderkind

THIS. FIC. its got rpg, its got angst, its got miscommunication, its got childhood friends to lovers, its got the bakusquad being so into this relationship, its got BOTTOM BAKUGO, and its got police officer deku in uniform good lord guys. its so fucking funny and sweet and fluffy and just very lovely, i havent fully finished it yet but im so into the world they've created, i fucking love video games and romance bro UGHHHHHH and katsuki is a DESPERATE man in this one, also the video game lore??? its great

Save Your Tears by starless_skies

this fic has kept me up at night. its not completed yet, the author hasn't updated since june, and im truly praying to a god i dont believe in that they update one day. im so into this story, its got bumbass yo shindo in it (i love him in canon but hes a bitch here) and izuku just doing his best and THEN ONCE AGAIN YEARNING PINING BAKUGO WHOSE ALWAYS LOVED HIM BUT LET HIM GO TO WORK ON HIMSELF PLEASE i love this bakugo guys seriously, and their relationship is so beautiful and they know each other like clockwork, HOWEVER i will say there are a couple TW in this one for what id say is emotional abuse in the marriage, just a lot of mistrust and lying and MAJOR gaslighting so just bare that in mind going into it, Yo is a twat

if anyone has any fic recs for other mha ships pls send them my way! i love kiribaku, tododeku, kirirmina, momojiro, todomomo, kamijiro, and ive been eyeing up todobaku,,,,,i'll read a lot haha

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Hello everyone, today I'll do something never before seen on the flames and darkness liveblog which is read TWO chapters!! Idk man, i havent been able to read more than one chapter at a time recently because this book suddenly turned into such a slog to get through, although granted that might also just be my mental illness making it more difficult. whatever, i'll be in treatment for that next week

Anyway, today I'll be reading chapter 44 which is the star fall chapter, and chapter 45 which is. a chapter. Knowing this book series nothing of note is gonna happen in that one but that wont stop me from reading it

Chapter 44

Okay, theyre mentioning Feyre not looking so emancipated amymore and it made me remember all the weird weight shit from the start of this book. Like, she was losing weight because she was throwing up all the time and then not eating a lot and everyone was constantly remarking on that and it was unbelievably uncomfortable, but then when Feyre officially joined the night court and everyone immediately stopped talking about it, it almost feels a little manipulative, if that makes sense. Like, this book is ostensibly about Feyres healing journey but the Night Court cannot, under any circumstances, have anything negative associated with it so her trauma basically just disappears so we dont have to see the unpleasant parts of her recovery, she has one (1) nightmare after she starts living there permanently, one (1) moment where she feels too depressed to leave the bed and a few moment where she acts out but then immediately feels bad for it every time

Ughhhhh Feyre is wearing a dress for this which is really frustrating but you guys already know how I feel about that so shant go into that much more detail on this

I swear Im not just saying this to be a hater, Feyres dress sounds so tacky too

yoooooooo is Cassian implying he'd like to wear a tacky ass dress too??

and yet hes just wearing a BLACK TUNIC bro Feyre is literally covered in diamonds from head to toe so she can look like a shooting star or whatever and Cassian doesnt even have the decency to wear a black tunic that glitters or something?? Or hell, maybe even a red tunic to match his siphons, idk, give me SOMETHING im gonna tear my fucking hair out

Feyre is wondering about the IC being her friends and its like, girlie theyre barely even each others friends and youve known each other for maybe half a year to their 500 years

Feyre is describing Azriel hungrily staring at Mor's ass and it reminded me of that one bonus chapter Ive seen discussions about where he's really horny about Elain in a way thats pretty uncomfortable, and a lot of ex-Elriels say that it made them stop liking the idea of the ship because thats when they realized that SJM was just gonna mutilate both of their characters for the sake of smut, but honestly I dont think she would even need to mutilate Az that much

I could not give less of a shit about the Mor/Cassian/Azriel drama but I have to admit its kinda funny reading about Feyre speculating so much about Mor's relationships knowing shes gonna turn out to be interested in women

Mor says that Rhysand was very upset after she had sex with Cassian and beat him up as hard as he could (#incest) but she says he wasnt upset because of her virginity but because of the danger she put herself in by losing it, which is like, first of all that seems like splitting hairs, he was still upset that she lost her virginity even though that was none of his business. And second of all, I think it would actually make sense for him to have the kind of archaic sexist beliefs that would make Mor losing her virginity upsetting to him, considering he was also 17 when that happened just like Mor and Im guessing there wasnt anyone around to teach him feminism. or maybe hes so feminist he came out of the womb believing in womens rights and didnt need to be taught anything

god, the inner circle dynamics are so comically fucked up I have no idea how they can stand being around each other

Again, Im not much of a Feylin girlie but "Your hair looks... clean." >>>>>>>>>>>>>> "You look like a women again." (???? whats thag even supposed to mean)

So Rhysand is not wearing a black tunic, but he is wearing wearing a black jacket which is equally disappointing. atleast he has his tits out i guess

Rhysand was gone for 50 years and yet his best friends are not spending any time with him at their first party together since theyve been seperated, thats what i call friendship goals

Yeah, I guess its kinda sad that Rhys missed out on important holiday that meant a lot to him while undr the mountain but you know who else had to do that? Literally everyone that wasnt from the spring court

So he doesnt wanna tell his friends, who are by all accounts doing alright because theyve spent the past few decades trapped in a beautiful idyllic city, about his trauma but hes perfectly fine traumadumping on a twenty year old woman who just started to recover from her own trauma

Maybe Im just in a bad mood but this bullshit where theyre getting covered in star spirits or whatever feels so joyless to me, like its not whimsical or fun to me

Okay so, Ive heard about Rhysand calling Feyre exquisite and it made me cringe just thinking about it, but it looks like theyve translated that to him calling her 'herrlich' which means the exact same thing but it sounds a lot less weird and bad. once again, thank you, Alexandra

Feyre really just said "You regret sexually assaulting me? But why?" huh

Chapter 45:

Okay, thats the end of the chapter but theres two more things that kinda annoyed me that I didnt feel the need to mention as I was reading. 1) Feyre kept going on and on aboht Rhysand being her friend, it felt so insincere, its like sjm say a post online right before she started writing this chapter that was like "in the best relationships, your partner isnt just your partner but also your best friend" and decided to put that sentiment in her book, and 2) I felt like there were so many moments towards the end of that chapter where Feyre is like "oh, ive never felt this way with anyone" and its very obviously alluding to how she didnt love Tamlin as much as she does Rhysand now, and it was just very strange to read, like Tamlin was haunting the narrative even though hes not even dead yet

Uhm. so i got really tired all of a sudden so I took a nap at this point and read some gay vampire fanfic to rejunivate myself and now Im ready for whatever happens in the next chapter

"I was a traitor. [...] Even though I oficially left Tamlin - it was only two months ago, after all. By Fae standards that was probably barely more than a day." Oh yeah, i havent been keeping track of the time thanks for reminding me that this story about immortals is moving at a breakneck pace for no goddamn reason. But also, as an author trying to write a grand long-lasting romance, why would you write this. I know Feysand are gonna get married at the end of book and now when I get to that point Im not gonna be thinking "wowwww such romance" Im gonna be thinking "damn these bozos did the fae equivalent of getting eloped in vegas after knowing each other for barely a week"

Oh, men of all ages are training at this camp? would you say some of them are. child-aged

Feyre is being all "its so cold here, im freezing in my illyrian leathers I cant imagine a child with no clothes surviving here for a single day, much less eight years" (referring to Cassian) and yet she doesnt spare a single thought to all the children who have to be at this camp as well because this is the camp that the batboys grew up in, its not like this is a different kind of camp where they dont train children

God I hate Feyre thinking about how fuckin powerful the batboys are especially because its like, Rhysand is literally their high lord, he already holds so much power over the guys running this camp we dont need a reminder that he could easily crush their minds or that his goons need more syphons to contain the totality of their power or whatever

I get that these guys are like, shitty misogynists or whatever, but I dont think Rhys throwing them out of the house they live in is some #boyboss move hes just being an asshole

Rhysand would never want to lock Feyre in a house for protection, but he does want to decapitate anyone who lays a hand on her which is soooooo much better

Rhysand keeps calling the.... "females" of this camp "girls" which implies one of two things: 1) hes talking about adult women, hes just calling them girls, which is not very feminist of our feminist king, or 2) hes talking about actual girls aka children which. thank god for our feminist king having equal-opportunity child soldiers

Its actually kind of surreal how theyre at the camp where the batboys spent their CHILDhoods and Feyre keeps talking about what it mustve been like for Cassian while the narrative is actively avoiding talking about children being at the camp at this present moment while also not outright stating "there are no kids here at this present moment"

"'[The clipping of the wings is] to ensure the safety of their women, they said.'" this reminds me of something @/kateprincessofbluewhales said in regards to Rhysand forcing illyrian women to train but not doing anything else to advance their rights, which is that the wing clipping mightve started as a way for men to help women dodge the 'draft' that seems to be mandatory for all healthy illyrians. I dont really have anything else to say about that, it just popped into my head and i thought it was interesting

Rhysand is talking about how at some of the camps, women are declared anti-marriage material if they train and how he cant do anything about that and its like, even if these women are not officially declared unmarriable or whatever, the misogynistic men that make up these camps are probably not gonna wanna marry a women who trains, so what difference does that really make

Also, he says the only thing he could do about 'laws' like that is to murder the warlords and take their children/trainees? under his wing and I guess he thinks he would have to do that for every camp that does that but honestly, I think just doing it once or twice would send a powerful enough message to discourage other warlords from being misogynistic. And he wouldnt have to raise all these children all by himself either, Im sure he could get the help of a few non-sexist men or even, gasp, some women. Like those priestesses living in that library Im sure some of the ones that have already recovered from their trauma somewhat wouldnt mind teaching some boys about the harm that misogyny does

Okay so the blood rite is called a Blutritual [blood ritual] in german which is a little confusing because a ritual is a pretty specific thing and I dont think the blood rite is that specific thing but whatever, it sounds cool enough

Ive said this before, I am not a Tamlin girlie, at best I prefer him to Rhysand, and I dont like or trust Rhysand at all, but imagine hearing that tragic story about how their families killed each other, leaving them as the only survivors and being like "I cant believe Tamlin killed Rhysands family!!" especially when its like, the only person Feyre actually knows Tamlin killed is Rhysands dad who sucked ass, its not exactly a great loss

I feel like i had a lot of thoughts about a lot of things in this chapter that I couldnt write down because theyre these abstract half-thoughts, so I think I'll let those marinate until theyre full thoughts and share them with you at some later date

[mcl38]

they haven't quite turned on vcarb the way they did mclaren but from what i've read that seems to be bc daniel keeps saying "it's not the same problem as mclaren" when like idk dude if the only time you've finished a race ahead of yuki was bc you got put on softs at the end of the race it is smelling very shades of mexico '22 to me. just without the having to make up a time penalty bc u punted yuki off the track.

i can say yuki is already getting the lando treatment though. "hOW MANY RACES HAS HE WON AND YOU DARE SAY HES PERFORMING BETTER THAN AN 8 TIME GP WINNER?" (ya i'll go to the top floor of my apartment and shout it into the void through a megaphone too what are you going to do about it) only this time there's a heavy dose of racism added in. the amount of people i have seen calling yuki a "pokémon" derogatorily and refusing to admit the racist connotations there are wild. not to mention the ableist terms i've seen be used to refer to his height. it's all very gross and yet again daniel says nothing to even try to prevent it. it's wild how someone always has to get harassed by his fans regardless of if he fails or succeeds.

ok so like first of all yikes. i rly rate yuki but im v selective w my online (especially my tumblr)

experience so i rly almost never venture out of my mclaren-centred bubble, which means i never rly see what ppl say abt him. 'pokemon' is actually vile like thats so clearly racist bc its not even a pun of his name at all or any sort of reference to his personality?? AND the fact that its a cartoon w the infantilising implications of that... ku's essay on the infantilisation of east asian drivers u will always be famous.... like u guys ever noticed how nyck is also rly short and has a youthful face and nobody ever talked abt him in the way they talk abt yuki? much to think abt

now. permission to be mean here but even if its 'not the same problem as mclaren' is the problem not STILL the fact that daniel in his 10+ year career hasnt bothered to understand the way the engineering of f1 cars works in like any material way and thats the reason he always struggles to identify his driving issues / has a disconnect with his chassis unless its tailored exactly to what he already likes and knows how to drive? i saw that bit from newey's book about how max and checo give rly good feedback and so did webber and vettel and it was kind of subtly implying that during the bit in between (the daniel era) he designed less effective cars be he wasnt getting enough precise feedback.... i genuinely havent been able to sleep at night since. like it felt like smth slotted in my head like aaaah this has been the problem all along. if only daniel wasnt so busy going on podcasts making fun of the idea of women in motorsport and actually spent some time to do some way overdue physics homework... lol. Imao even

the truth of the situation is yuki is in the best form of his career and also wiping the floor w daniel. like factually so. EVEN with team orders favouring daniel so his fans cant say its bc of that like they did with mclaren. i genuinely think its quite sad the amount of personal stock daniel fans have clearly invested in this mans career and how much it bothers them when he doesnt perform to their expectations - like he's ur driver, swallow it and accept it, because thats what he's been doing to try to move on. doing all this intense online hate bullshit only makes him look bad bc it highlights how badly and for how long he rly has been embarrassingly underperforming. but by this point it feels like they WANT him to underperform bc they crave that martyr underdog victimised figure to root for and fight for - which is why ur totally right anon, that someone always inevitably gets harrassed regardless of if daniel is failing or succeeding. 

i will say one thing which is that i rly dont think daniel is at all aware of whatever the fuck his fans do on twitter and instagram (and deffo not tumblr lmao). so i dont think this is an issue of like him telling his fans to chill out - and it doesnt work anyways, bc lando literally has made talking abt how much cyberbullying sucks a part of his personality and theres still some rly mean and hateful lando fans (not in a fun way like me<3 lol) (i hate on my own blog and in discord groupchats). so like thats not necessarily on him, its more on netflix for making him the lowest common denominator guy to like, ykwim? also the unfortunate reality is that despite the tshirts and the kneeling (or no kneeling) no one rly seems to stand up to defend the drivers of colour who literally constantly get SUCH vitriol thrown towards them w any occasion. im not expecting daniel of all ppl to say anything abt it ngl

[readingoals]

Mid Year Book Freak Out Tag (2024)

I know I'm a bit late with this but I figured I might as well still do it 🤷‍♀️I wasn't tagged but hey if you also haven't done it and want to consider this a tag, feel free lmao

This is hard to narrow down because I've read some absolute crackers and nothing is like super standing out from the rest. Maybe The Next Big Thing by James Colley just for how fun and Aussie it was, or maybe Dumb Witness by Agatha Christie because it was a clever mystery with some really great Poirot/Hastings banter.

Another toughie because though I've not read many sequels, the ones I have picked up have all be great. Recently I caught up on the last two The Adventure Zone graphic novels and god I just love that series so much. I loved the podcast and I think they're done a great job of adapting them.

Also right up there are Everyone on this Train is a Suspect by Benjamin Stevenson and The Kiss Curse by Erin Sterling, both of which I adored.

I've surprisingly not re-read all that many books this year (yet anyway, there's a couple I wouldn't mind getting to). So I think it has to be The Shadow of the Wind. That's been one of my fave books for years now and it had been a while since I last picked it up so it was so great to revisit it again.

As it has been for the last few years, the genre I've been reading most is mystery. Most of those are Agatha Christie's since I try and read one a month.

Oh theres a few of these. A Botanical Daughter was probably my most anticipated release of the year but it took aaaggggesss for me to get my hands on a copy because the place i pre-ordered it from went into voluntary administration so my copy was never shipped. I mean I probably wasn't going to read it until October anyway but while waiting for it to arrive I also read some reviews that said it kind of missed the mark so I'm a little less excited now. The other book I still havent got around to picking up is Kill Your Husband by Jack Heath even though I was really excited for it too. And then there's also Clairmont by Lesley McDowell which I hadn't known was coming out but I saw in store and immediately bought and then also didn't read it.

Definitely Graveyard Shift by M.L. Rio. I think Ben Aaranovitch also has something new coming around September but I'll admit I'm a little behind on all of the rivers of london novellas and stuff. The Benjamin Stevenson has a Christmas book coming and I think the next book in the Ex Hex series is also due out and I'll probably pick it up pretty quick.

Hopeless Aromantic. Huge disappointment. I was really interested in a queer nonfic book that focused on aromanticism rather than asexuality and it just missed the mark by so much. It was poorly researched and cobbled together and frankly not worth anyone's time.

The Mysterious Mr Quin by Agatha Christie. I've read a few of her short story collections before so I went in expecting the usual sort of thing and it definitely felt like it was going along similar lines to start. But it got weird. In a good way. It feels as if the stories flirt with fantasy elements, and the last one even crosses over maybe? almost? Mr Harley Quin came off as kind of creepy too. It was definitely not quite like her usual stuff and I really really enjoyed it.

I've read from I think 9 or 10 authors that were new to me and yet I'm not really sure how to answer this, no one super stands out. Maybe Erin Sterling? I've read two of her romances this year (tho does she really count since it's the pen name for rachel hawkins and i've read one of her mysteries?), the book I read from James Colley was also really good and I'd probably pick up whatever he wrote next, so maybe him? From a nonfic author, Carnage by Mark Dapin (an Aussie true crime book) was very interesting and I liked he way he handled such difficult topics, so maybe him?

Probably Alex Easton from the T Kingfisher novellas?

I don't think anything I've read this year has really made me cry. I thought Loveless might but it didn't this time around. I guess I did get a bit blurry eyed during The Adventure Zone: Eleventh Hour graphic novel and same with Carnage, but not full tears.

Oh, so many lmao. The TAZ graphic novels, Ghosts: The Button House Archives, The Thread That Binds, Everyone On This Train is a Suspect, Cain's Jawbone (happy that I got it solved though I never got confirmation I was right lmao).

Okay this one is easy. My Folio Society edition of The Shadow of the Wind. Also, since I answered this last year I've also got the Folio Society edition of Frankenstein and I know I got it last year but I couldn't not mention it.

I also found some of Georgette Heyer's mysteries in a great edition at the lifeline book fest

I have 6 more Agatha Christie books to read (I'm partway through one of them now). Then there's also the copy of Northanger Abbey that Lauren annotated for Christmas last year, that'll be coming up soon, and whatever book we decide to annotate and swap for this years present. I'd like to spend October reading at least a couple of Frankenstein/Mary Shelley inspired books so I'll probs try and get to A Botanical Daughter then, maybe Clairmont and maybe Chicano Frankenstein or any of the others I have. I'd also really like to get to Every Time I Go On Vacation Someone Dies but I'm saving it for like the end of the year when it's summer.

[sanslover6969]

OKAY SO I MADE AN AU WHICH IS MOSTLY JUST SNAS CUZ HES A SURVIVIR💥💥💥

so i havent thought of a name yet for the au BUT,

[description]

basically the sans in this au doesn't have a papyrus, this is because he was the original and successful creation, he still doesn't have a bunch hp (5hp) because of his magic being unstable and can cause him harm, his magic is consisted of blood, so whenever hes fighting the magic he uses is from his blood and others blood he can manipulate, he still has all the same original magic, but everything is made out of blood, his or not. he can still teleport yadda yadda, but his specialty is in blood manipulation, the vial around his neck is a type of magical blood that gaster (creator) gave to him a long time ago [barely uses it due to aftereffects]. everyone either calls him "B" or "vamp" mostly a pun because of his blood manipulation, this is due to also being able to intake blood by eating it [he will never admit it but he likes the taste].

[origin]

during his early adolesence, gaster taught him about science and physics, as well as biology and cells, he took to it like a fish to water, during these periodic moments, sans didnt notice that his creator was slowly planning something for him, on his 12th birthday [june 25th] gaster taught him about blood manipulation, sans did not understand why but studied it anyway, 5 days after gaster started to start doing small tests that gradually over time turned more intense. at first he would inject blood into sans during trials, then started adding dt into the blood mixture, the process was agonizing, gaster slowly built up his magic, while sans deceasingly lost his mind, the trials abruptly stopped when he was 22, he had almost full control over his ability, gaster was working on the core but during one of his experiments crashed the magical levels of the core and it self destructed, sans and only a few other monsters survived, sans was devastated, he never loved his father/creator but felt absolitely horrible for the other monsters.

[nightmares squad]

all the negative energy that came off the survivors led nightmare and his crew to their au, sans in his delusional state met them, at first he was paranoid but over time eased and healed, making jokes with killer, annoyimg nightmare until he thwapped his with his magic, and harrassing fell whenever he was near their headquarters, nightmare offered him a position in the squad over time but sans refused stating "you guys are cool and all but im "bloody" tired", nightmare and the crew understood but always offered a way in if he decided later on,

[omega timeline]

after that escapade echo firisk met up with him/popped out of no where and scared the crap out of him, brought him to the omega timeline where other au's lost their home, classic usually visited, and as they shared puns they quickly befriended eachother, he mostly hangs out there but also enjoys watching undernovela with error.

[error/undernovela]

one day when sans/B was messing around with his magic, due to uts unstability he was able to cross into different au's and voids, this is where he discovered the white void where he saw a glitchy monster twin that was freaking out over undernovela, B sat next to him and started watching it, quickly freaking out as well over the ~drama~ . most days he will randomly poke error [error doesn't really freak out unless its too much] or watching undernovela, he also likes to pop up behind him and scare him, they pretty chill

erm... so that was alot. i'll probably add more on later but this is what i got so far, PLEASE IF YALL HAVE ANY IDEAS OR QUESTIONS COMMENT THEM I AM HORRIBLE WITH STORY MAKING.

also theres prob a lot of typos because i cant type for shit

THANK YOH FOR READING HAVE A GOOD DAYYYY [or night]

[handlesscombo]

thoughts on sonic frontiers so far; got my copy early. spoilers under the cut!

i have at this point played through the first two islands, and just started the third. so i'll first organize thoughts by island, then do overalls afterward.

i will admit my bias: i have wanted (3D) sonic to be good again for so long, and this title has a lot going for it. knowing this, i will be as honest about what doesnt work as i can, and check myself as i go. would love to hear others' thoughts on it as well!

#1: Kronos Island

- THE KOCO. ARE SO BAbie. just need to get that off my chest. love love love them. little bell guys. fit in your arms and so cute and lovable. adore them and WILL be buying plushie as soon as it drops (amazon has a leaked listing for them, i know it's coming). anyway.

- running, jumping, homing attack all feel very smooth; strong sense of forward momentum and physically satisfying. captures the best of sonic gameplay, but does have a learning curve as button inputs for classic mechs have changed. homing attack is mapped to a diff button than jump, for example. but it does honestly feel better and makes room for more varied manuevers than previous games, ie a double jump and homing attack from the ground without jumping prior. gamefeel/controls are solid.

- the paraloop (or cyloop as it is called) is a very fun throwback to nights. love the idea that sonic inherited it from them, so to speak. adds a lot to the core gameplay, not just in combat; useful for solving puzzles, too. very solid addition

- camera is a bit fucky. generally it's fine, but there were instances where it flipped around unhelpfully/clipped through things. will hopefully be fixed in patches.

- architecture is lacking; visuals don't give a strong first impression. feels a bit empty, which is a big problem in a semi-open world game. this does improve later however

- cyberspace levels are going to be a hot-button issue across reviews. the implementation of them as separate from the open world is questionable, and the gameplay feels strangely more stiff than in the rest of the game. unsure why that is. architecturally and visually, i love them -- great lighting and colors, fast-paced, interesting to look at and compare to previous games' levels. familiar layouts mixed with unfamiliar visuals create this disjointed collage of somic's memories, which is the narrative explanation for them. interesting in concept, lukewarm in execution.

- enemy designs are interesting; mechanical, jagged, yet colorful; unlike anything in a prior sonic game. effective at creating an "otherworldly" and inter-dimensional feeling. would compare to how ultra beasts are distinctly unsettling because they don't resemble the pokemon we're used to.

- combat is engaging, but limited; have yet to unlock skills to make it snappier. at its core, however, feels good and almost platinum-esque; addition of strafing, parrying, combo counter adds sense of momentum and adrenaline that should always be present in sonic combat.

- unsure how to feel about the skill tree so far. not gonna comment until ive completed it.

- soundtrack evolves as you complete more of the area, layering in instruments and such. nice touch

- very satisfied with story and characterization. amy feels like her own distinct person and not just "annoying sonic love interest"; the two have really sincere conversations that add nuance to both of their characters. the subtlties are what ive dearly missed about the writing and havent felt since SA2. sonic is sooooo much less quippy and whedon-esque, fucking finally. ian flynn is a capable writer who understands what sonic storylines can be, and i hope they continue to let him helm these projects.

- side note that i love: in the original sonic cd, amy was supposed to be a fortune teller. this was sort of removed/scrapped from her canon over time, but flynn brought it back into the foreground! it's mentioned that she does tarot readings and has strong intuition and ability to empathize with people around her (not in a cringe "i am an empath" way, more like she tries to understand others as best she can and uses that insight for good). i really really like this direction for her character. one of the most impactful comvos in the game so far is with her, and i cant repeat it word for word, but it's about how amy wants to travel the world sharing the love she has for it with others. very sweet

- boss fight was incredibly hype, if a bit repetitive. soundtrack fucks so hard. boss looks like an evangelion, which is funny because sage's jpn voice actor also voiced rei ayanami haha. love the music, the shift into familiar super sonic controls. resembles the finalhazard fight in SA2

#2: Ares Island

- architecture vastly better than the first island; more to look at and crawl through, striking desert clay/cyan/purple/red color palette. the color grading between night and day is striking; amazing what good lighting can do :')

- cyberspace levels are beautiful in this one, reminiscent of sky sanctuary and the skeletal structure of radical highway. the looks continue to impress. gameplay remains a bit stiff

- this island has a mechanical theme to it: most enemies, boss fights , and puzzles are about timing-based precision exercises. i will admit these are my favorite parts of sonic games -- high-speed challenges with timing-based mechanical skill involved -- so i might be too biased in its favor to review it accurately. for my part, however, i will say that i found it snappy, engaging, and streamlined a la bayonetta. very satisfying to nail the timing when fighting enemies. people who dislike fast QTEs may like it less, but on a scale of david cage to bayonetta, they definitely lean into bayonetta, and feel approptiately organic/nice physicality.

- knuckles is my favorite sonic character, so i will say i wanted a bit more out of his convos with sonic. however, i love that flynn is able to combine multiple aspects of knuckles' identity into a consistent portrayal -- he is a warrior, a rival, a friend, an expert on ancient ruins, reclusive, and carries a debilitating loneliness that he cant fight on his own. he is more than previously dumbed-down interpretations of his character, and im very grateful for that. hes a glimpse of the old well-intentioned but gullible and stubborn character he was in s3k and the adventure era.

- boss design and mechanics were much more exciting than the first. soundtrack was equally hype and fucks. the aerial nature of the fight really added some pussy to it. im a professional games journalist

- more sprinklings of lore about the nature of these islands and the implications of their connections to chaos (sa1) and the chaos emeralds, as well as the true nature of the chaos emeralds. really interesting and keeps you guessing. looking forward to how it resolves

#3: Chaos Island

- not enthused about the amount of fog and grayness of this one so far. really hoping it develops more identity visually. kind of muddy, too. downgrade from ares

- mechanical theme seems to be more classic sonic design; lots of 2d segments and old-school spring traps, spikes, so on. waiting to see it develop

- already love the big brother dynamic sonic has with tails. the two are openly affectionate (hugs, etc) and endearing to watch. structurally i expect tails is going to figure out something major abt the tech of the islands, which is why they waited to have him appear until the third island. looking forward to it

Overall

i anticipate that this game is going to consistently score 6.5 or 7/10 at most review outlets. it's good, distinctly stronger in its identity and story than other sonic games, and a refreshing, much-needed change of pace tonally, visually, mechanically. it isn't blowing my mind yet (and i hope it will), but there is a palpable heart and ambition here that has been absent for a very long time.

the game's strongest asset so far is its story and boss/enemy design + combat, imo. the visuals are enjoyable amd striking on ares island, but the first and third would benefit from a rework. gameplay has a solid foundation and feels good

it's important to note that for 3d sonic, the bar has been on the Floor for years. my impressions likely express that whether i wanted them to or not; i do think that it's a valuable discussion, if separate from the game"s overall objective integrity, to unpack its improvements on the franchise. as such, i give you my two overall ratings:

as a sonic game: 8.5/10

as an overall game: 7/10

there u have it. please reply with thoughts if you also have any!!!!!

ps: game of the year because you can draw amogus and cock and balls with paraloops.

[00neo]

Yesterday's meals: 450kcal

Today's breakfast and lunch: 850kcal

Plus dinner that I couldn't take a pic of but it was chicken and fries and sallad....I had to eat like...more than I wanted to today because I was with family...anyway I estimate it to 383kcal.

Total:1234kcal

Borrowed a bunch of books yesterday from the library. Read a 300page book about anorexia yesterday and during the night. Cried a bunch of times and broke down into a compleat mess all by myself in the middle of the night.

Ive never read so much that is so correct and sounds exactly like me. That book really did something to me and I don't know if it's good or bad. I havent cried before this in over like...a year at least. Probably due to medications and shit but this book broke me.

The last drop that made me lose it and break down, to go from just crying to an absolute depressive, panic and mental breakdown episode was when I read "people with anorexia are pale, have dark rings under their eyes, their nails are dry and ruined and their skin is dry, especially on their hands".

Let me tell you, it was spot on and after having read for hours and cried back and forth, I was exhausted and that last piece made me realize that I'm actually sick. Like I'm like "but I'm not sick enough tho" and yeah I still think that but this book made me realize that I actually like do have an eating disorder. I'm not just faking, I can't just stop, I can't control it and I'll never get out of this without help. Now am I looking for help now? No, I'm not ready for that. My journey isn't done yet and I need to do it my way but I think I for the first time actually accepted that I do have a more low self esteem than I usually care to admit and I validated myself and the fact that I do have real issues with eating.

Just...shit I don't even know how I feel now. Exhausted but also like...hopeless, worthless, like nothing matters and like I'm helpless and powerless. My feelings also kind of have me in a calm state right now. Like, I'm just accepting that I'm powerless and therefore, there's no reason to try.

And I mean like powerless and all in the way that I can't go back and make myself not go through this, I can't make the world that much safer for everyone, I can't change things that have already happened. I just have to live with how my life has been and go from here. It's scary, numbing and freeing at the same time

[bellafragolina]

Hello!

I was wondering if you would be willing to write (if you havent already if so i am so sorry)

An afab! Autisc reader x meli who tends to info dump on him about books they are reading qnd he takes it in stride, with some tsun tsun comments bc haha tall pretty boy cannot emotion properly lmao, and then one day the reader comes and is very sad and quiet due to the village konda just... bad mouthing them bc of their special interest and how they only talk about the books so they just become recluse, but he gets mad and tells them to talk about the books bc he likes hearing them?

(Gosh this is a mouthful im so sorry-)

Hello, love! I will admit to you that since I myself am not autistic, I'm not entirely confident in myself to give a totally accurate portrayal, but I will strive to do my best for you! If you don't like anything about this, please tell me! I'll happily fix it so it's something you enjoy

🍓🍓🍓

You were Melli's soft spot. Something about how softly you spoke, yet when it came to the books you'd carry around, you could speak for hours, voice growing with excitement and happiness. . . something about it melted the icy wall around Melli's heart.

He would sit with you in Moonview Arena, Lord Electrode happily resting nearby, and listen to you talk. You had so much to say, so many ideas in your head. He liked your voice, hearing the words spill out of you. He liked how it changed depending on your mood or feelings. He could easily tell whenever you disliked something within your story, or when a character did something you disagreed with

Melli, of course, didn't want you knowing about his soft spot. So he would tease you lightly. He'd call you a book wurmple, wrinkle his nose at the title of your books before demanding you tell him why its so great. Every book you've let him borrow was treated with great care, and given back to you in good condition, with a few of Melli's own opinions attached.

You two would sometimes discuss your books, should you both have read them. You actually liked hearing his opinions and ideas, and though sometimes you argued, you never disregarded him or his feelings. It's partly what pushed from from liking to loving you

So imagine his anger when he arrived at the village for your festival celebration to find you alone, far away from the festivities. He already knew what had you so down, having heard the whispers on his way over. Part of the reason it took him so long to reach you was because he was busy yelling at anyone who had a negative word to say. You were hurting no one, in fact, you saved everyone, so how dare they speak that way of you?

Melli sat at your side, and asked about the book you were holding. You just held it to your chest and murmured about not wanting to annoy him, and his anger grew tenfold. He almost marched off to start yelling again, but forced himself to stay calm for you

He threw aside his own nerves to tell you that you are great, you're a hero, and you are free to speak and do as you please. Those who mind aren't worth your time. The only opinion you should care about is his, for he's the Great Melli, and you're the great hero.

He loves you too much to see you shut yourself down for some snooty villagers.

You smiled at him, showed him your book, and shyly told him it was a love story. Melli smiled in return, and happily settled in for your thoughts on the tale, and how sweet it was that the love interest always somehow knew what to say to make the character feel great <3

🍓🍓🍓

I hope this works! Like I said, if it doesn't, let me know, and I'll fix what needs fixing!

I hope you're having a wonderful day, love!

~Renee

[saintobio]

i havent read the latest update for sn yet cus i just graduated! but the way i was literally looking forward to a new chapter more than my graduation PLSSS it really says something.. cant wait to read it, thank you for updating!

congratulations on graduating !! <3 i hope the sn update was a good grad gift :)

Anonymous said

Hey!! Just want to say I'm so IN LOVED with your works! You're such a talented writer and I'll have to admit that waiting for SN to update is what i look forward to every week, such a treat!!

Anyway just a quick question sorry if this has been asked before, with all the cameos, will we get to see Nanami?

nanami might have a cameo but he doesn’t have much role i’m sorry. and thank u sm for reading <33

Anonymous said

Wonderful chapter as always! I have to say it is one of my favourites. I'm starting to see the miniscule things about Gojo that would later lead to character development and redemption. Can't wait to see how it will be executed!!!❤️

Anonymous said

i usually stay away from angst like this because i know my heart couldn't take it but your writing is so SO good I just can't drop it. I literally punched my pillow and screamed while reading Ch 6 because i really got into it. also when toji said he'd give the world to his late wife if she was still here??? i cried. i can't wait for the next ch 😭😭😭

Anonymous said

nah because how are the anons thinking about how the story will end accurately, every chapter has me on my feet i cant imagine how stressful it would be for me to think about the ending bye😭😭😭

thank u sm for reading 😭😭 i rly appreciate every message being sent to me abt this series and i’m grateful that u guys are anticipating every chapter <33

[chlodani]

This is Special Edition part 8. . .

I hope you guys like this. I wasn't gonna write it this way, but it was an idea that came to my head and I thought it was a good one.

The Beginning of Part 8. . .

This is a brand new smau that I'm writing. Its actually my first. It's a Zuko x F!Reader pairing.

Trigger warning! If you're sensitive to things like car accidents and hospitals I'm warning you ahead of time. Read at your own risk. . .

Zuko is getting tired of his relationship with Mai. He feels it's not exactly enough, and he wants more. Though he doesn't know what. He seems to have a certain attraction to his best friend Y/N, but is too stubborn and grumpy to tell her or really talk about it at all. She likes him, but is too afraid to say anything because of his relationship with Mai. Though could things take an unexpected turn for Zuko and Y/N when something happens to her and he's afraid of losing her. . .

Special Edition Part 8

Toph's P.O.V.

I held onto Sokka's arm as we followed Sapphire to Y/n's room. I dont think I'm ready to be in a room with Y/n where shes not laughing, or joking around or trying to make sure everyone had a great time. I remember how her and I used to duel together. She had mentioned at one point about needing to practice her waterbending skills, since hadn't had to use it for fighting in so long. Zuko offered to duel with her, but I threatened to kiss his a*s if he hurt her - even by accident. So, he backed off. I offered to help her because chucked rocks at her was a good way to practice quick reflexes. She adapted quite well, and quite quickly. It was so fun in fact that we set a time once a week just to duel each other. We even up-ed the challenge. I started to not just use Earthbending but Metalbending as well. I miss being able to do that. Or when Y/n would randomly text our group chat in the middle of the night because she missed us. I felt that we were standing in the room. I could feel the sad presences around me from everyone in the room. The vibes are very strong from Zuko right now. I walked closer to the bed. I stood next to it, feeling around for her hand or her arm. Once I felt it, I gently wrapped my hand around her arm. I felt a tear fall from my eye as I stood there.

"Oh Y/n, why did this have to happen to you? You were so full of life and energy and love. And despite what Zuko did to you, you tried to stay happy for us. You tried to be upbeat to keep the mood up. Why did it have to be you? Why couldn't it have been me? -"

More tears fell from my eyes. I felt a hand on my back. And judging from how it felt, I'm guessing it was Sokka.

"I miss you Y/n. We all do, - Please dont leave us - Please come back to us! – Katara cant you heal her or something?!"

"I-I wish I could Toph, but this is delicate. If I make one slip she could fall further into the coma and never come out of it," Katara spoke to me softly.

"There's still a chance she might not come out of it," Suki spoke casually.

"Suki?!" Sokka snapped in slight shock.

"What? I'm just being real Sokka," Suki explained calmly.

"Okay, guys let's not fight or complain," Aang spoke.

"Aang's right," Sapphire stated.

I quickly turned to where I knew where Zuko was standing. Angry crossed me.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT ZUKO!!!!! I WISH YOU'D NEVER BEEN ACCEPTED INTO OUR GROUP!!!! I HATE YOU!!!! AND I PROMISE YOU I WILL KICK YOUR A*S LATER!!!!" I yelled to Zuko before rushing out of the room.

Aang's P.O.V.

We all stared as Toph rushed out.

"Hmm, maybe someone should go after her?" I spoke casually.

"I'll do it," Katara volunteered.

Katara left the room to find Toph.

"Uh, if we have something to say to Y/n, maybe we should do it one at a time," Sokka suggested.

"I think that's a good idea Sokka," Sapphire stated.

"Whose gonna go first?" Zuko asked.

"Me - I wanna go first," I spoke up.

"Okay, we'll leave you alone with her Aang," Sapphire said softly.

I nodded as they walked out of the room. I sighed as I walked over to Y/n. I hated looking at her like this. She looked so helpless.

"I bet you hate all this fighting huh? - I know if you were here you'd try to do your best to resolve it all for us. You were always so good at that. Even better than me. And I'm the Avatar. We've been posting a tone of stuff on our social media page about you. Asking you to get better and not to leave us. It's funny even Zuko admitted to the fact that he loves you. -"

I went silent for a moment.

"If you can hear me - And you recover, please dont tell him I told you that? - I miss you Y/n, - We all miss you -"

A tear escaped from my eye. I leaned over to hug her.

"Please dont leave us,"

Sapphire's P.O.V.

I sat next to the bed.

"Its funny, I'm here everyday and I still can't get used to seeing you like this. You're everything to me baby sis. I cant lose you. I know I tell you this everyday, but I cant seem to say it enough. Maybe if I say it enough, it'll be just enough to pull you out of it. I miss you so much, - Please - Y/n wake up,"

I took hold her hand, letting tears fall as I rested my head on her arm.

Sokka's P.O.V.

I sighed as I looked at Y/n. I couldn't stand seeing her like that.

"I'm having a real hard time seeing you like this. I guess its times like these where I wish I couldn't see. Then I think about Toph, and I wonder how hard it really is for her. Seeing is she cant see anything, but yet she can with her feet. Toph is the greatest. I know you'd agree with me if you could talk right now. You'd be happy. I havent been stealing your Dt. Pepsi's lately. Mainly because it's not the same without you pretending to get mad at me. I miss you so much Y/n. I really hope you come out of this. I miss my best friend. Without you, my life is a dull pancake,"

I sighed once more as I looked at her. I took her hand softly.

Katara's P.O.V.

I sat in the chair by the bed. Y/n looked so innocent and helpless lying there.

"I cant believe this happened to you. I wanted to blame Zuko, but I knew it would do me no good. I know it's not his fault. And I know he deeply, deeply cares for you. You're my best friend, you're like my sister. I miss you so much. Waterbending isn't the same without you. I remember how we used to waterbend together. Me, you, Aang, and Sapphire. It was so much fun. - Oh, Y/n, I really hope you make it out of this. We all care very deeply for you. We all miss you. - Especially Zuko - He is really sorry for what he did to you Y/n. And he wants you to come out of this too. - Oh Y/n please wake up,"

I put my arms over her hugging her.

Suki's P.O.V.

I sighed as I looked at the floor.

"I know you cant talk back to me right now, but I really need to talk to you. You were always so great at giving advice, just like Zuko's uncle. I need you Y/n. I feel like Sokka and I are becoming distant. And I cant quite seem to figure out why. If he's growing feelings for someone else, I guess I could be okay with it if he talked to me about it. But I feel like he's hiding his own feelings from me. And I don't know what to do. – Y/n, what do I do?"

I stared at the floor as a test escaped my eye.

Zuko's P.O.V.

I didnt know what to do as I sat there. I honestly didnt know what to say. I know she can hear me. I took in a soft breath before taking her hand.

"I wish you could talk to me. I wish I could be alert when I tell you I am so sorry for what I did to you. It was Mai she made me do it. She told me if I wanted to still be her boyfriend then I'd have to stop talking to you. I didnt want to, but Ibwas blinded by my own feelings. I was stupid. I shouldn't have listened to her. I should've listened to my own feelings for you, not for Mai. I know you probably still hate me for what I did. And I deserve that, -"

I held her hand tighter.

"I deserve every negative comment that you guys throw at me. - Our friends are right I am an a*s - I know you can hear me Y/n, - So I'm gonna tell you I love you - And that I really need you to recover.- I need you in my life. - I cant love without you - Please dont leave me,"

I stood up next to the bed. I still held her hand as I leaned down pressing my lips to hers. I know she cant kiss back, but I felt compelled to do it.

Taglist:

@cece-lives-here

@sokkas--boomerang

@la-lay

@cuddlykoala101

@zukochi

@mochminnie

@theblueslytherin

@coldlilheart

@coconutsaiyan

@rosestyles69

@juniperwoodwell

If you want to be apart of the taglist message me or reply. I'd be happy to add you

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Unexpected Arrival -4

Pairing: Eventual Bucky x Reader, Possible Steve x Reader

Summary: As if working with the Avengers wasn’t exciting enough…. an unexpected visitor is about to change your life forever.

A/N: This part kinda took a little angsty turn! After the next chapter, there may be a little time jump.... i havent decided yet. Thank you to everyone who is reading/sharing, it means alot!

I was cleared by Bruce, as long as i promised to take it easy for a couple of days! Bucky walked with me back to the residential floor, Evie safely tucked into his right arm as i leant on his left for a bit of support.

"Hey Buck, lets just stop in the common room for a bit. I need to eat and not be stuck in a bed for a while"

"You sure? Bruce said to rest...."

"I'll be resting just fine on the sofa, while you make me a sandwich"

"Okay, deal" he chuckled shaking his head as we walked into the common room. I walked over to the sofa and gently lowered myself down, Bucky standing close by waiting for me to get comfortable.

"I'm not sure how much rest you'll get when the team realise you and Evie are in here" he said leaning forward to place Evie in my arms once he saw i was settled "what do you want on your sandwich doll?"

"I really dont mind, id eat anything im that hungry" i scoffed as i snuggled into the sofa with Evie laying on my chest.

"Well i'll be damned!!" Came the booming voice of Sam Wilson.

"Shhhhh she's sleeping bird brain!" Bucky snapped as he playfully shoved Sams shoulder.

"Sorry! I didnt know!" He mumbled as he walked over and sat across from me "i heard what happened but i thought they were all just messing with me!!"

"Nope its true, surprise huh?"

"Id say!! She's beautiful Y/N" Sam flashed a huge grin as he looked down at Evie.

"Thank you Sam" i smiled proudly and looked over to see Bucky keeping a close eye on us while he made my sandwich.

"What are you? The baby bodyguard?" Sam laughed teasing Bucky, Sam had obviously noticed that Bucky was keeping a close eye on us.

"Try the baby daddy!" Bucky replied with a dead straight face and murder in his eyes.

"What??!!" Sam practically squealed at Bucky's reply.

"Oh my god Buck.... did you really just say that?" I laughed at him, his eyes met mine and his facade broke as he burst out laughing "im sorry! I heard Tony say it yesterday" Bucky shrugged as he walked over with the plate holding my sandwich.

"Please don't ever say that again"

"Wait.... are you serious? Or are you fucking with me?? i honestly cant tell!"

Sam said shaking his head and looking super confused.

"Language! Don't swear around my daughter!" Bucky slapped Sam on the back of the head as he passed.

"Switch please" i smiled up at Bucky before taking the plate, once his hands were free he carefully picked up Evie and had her held against his chest in no time.

"Wow..... you’re like... good at the dad thing Buck" Sam said sounding surprised.

"I had younger sisters growing up, it was a long time ago but I'm pretty sure its still the same" he chuckled.

"Wait, how long have you two...."

"You can take this one Buck I'm eating" i said with a shit eating grin.

"Thanks Y/N" he rolled his eyes, looked at Sam and shrugged "it was one time, we're not together.... but we're in this together. Right doll?" He looked at me and smiled.

"Yep, what he said" i replied trying to keep my tone steady, it hurt a little hearing how casual he made it sound. It took me back to when he had acted like nothing had happened between us  after we finally slept together all those months ago.

"I cant believe y'all have a baby!"

"Neither can we!" I said around a mouthful of my sandwich "imagine my surprise when Bruce told me i didn't have stomach flu and that i was in fact in labour!"

"Thats crazy sweetheart"

"Sure was, scariest thing I've ever been through Sammy....And the pain.... nothing compares to that!"

"But it was worth it, look what you got out of it" Sam was hovering around Evie clearly wanting to hold her but Bucky wasn't parting with her just yet.

"She was worth every bit of the pain".

Later that afternoon I was walking back to the common room after taking a shower and getting into clean clothes, i stopped by the door when i heard Sam and Bucky talking in hushed voices.

"Oh come on man! These girls are hot! You cant pass that up!" Sam was saying to Bucky.

"I don't know Sam, i don't really think me going out on a date is a good idea right now"

"Why the hell not?? Just because you got a kid now? Im sure Evie wont mind"

"Y/N's been through a lot man, i just feel like i need to be here for her and Evie"

"Buck come onnnn! they will both probably be asleep by 7pm! the date is at 8, you dont need to stay that long..."

I couldn't believe what i was hearing! I pushed the door open making sure it was loud enough that they heard me. Both men turned to face me, Sam with a huge fake smile and Bucky just looked plain guilty.

"Sorry did i interrupt something?" I asked casually as i flipped on the kettle to make some tea.

"No doll of course not"

"I was just telling Bucky about a date i arranged for him.... a double date actually. I needed a wingman"

"Oh...."

"And I was just telling Sam that i didn't think it was a good idea. I thought it'd be best if i stayed here incase you and Evie needed me"

"If you wanna go Buck don't let us stop you" i snapped turning to face them "i'll be fine with Evie on my own"

"See! I told you she'd be cool!"

I was suddenly feeling so angry and on the verge of tears all at once! I just needed to get away from them, I walked over to Bucky and reached down taking Evie.

"She needs feeding" i said simply "go on your date Bucky" i mumbled as i turned around and headed for my room.

I was sat on my bed nursing Evie with tears running down my face when i heard the knock on my door. I chose to ignore it hoping that whoever it was would take the hint and leave me alone.

"Y/N.... doll i know you’re in there i can hear you" Steve called from outside making me sigh and wipe my tears away.

"Im just feeding Evie, i'll be out in a minute"

"Can i come in?.... i can tell you’re upset sweetheart"

"Im fine Steve..." i called back but burst into tears again. The next thing i know the door clicked open and Steve came in, he pushed the door closed behind him and locked it before rushing to my side. He sat next to me on my bed pulling me into him carefully while trying not to disrupt Evie's feeding.

"You wanna tell me whats wrong?" He asked quietly as he stroked my arm trying to calm me down.

"Im just a huge hormonal mess right now Steve" i mumbled not wanting to admit what had set me off "its been a lot to adjust to i guess and i think its all just catching up to me"

"You sure thats all? You know you can talk to me Y/N.... about anything"

"I know" i nodded "I'm not even sure why i got so upset.... not really"

"So something did upset you"

"It was stupid..... don't worry about it" i told him as i sat up seeing that Evie was done feeding, i held her blanket over my chest so i didn't expose myself to Steve.

"Could you take her for a second while i sort this out?"

"Sure" he nodded happily taking Evie.

I straightened out my shirt and settled back against the bed watching Steve burp Evie. His huge hand was rested against her chest supporting her chin and jaw, his free hand gently rubbing her back.

"How do you even know how to wind a baby Steve?" I asked curiously, he looked like a pro!

"I may have done some research" he blushed a little "i wanted to know what kinda stuff needed to be done so i could help out if you needed me to"

I was suddenly crying again!!

"Oh god.... what?? Why are you crying?"

He asked starting to panic.

"That was really thoughtful of you Steve!  I cant believe you went to that effort for us... for Evie"

"Of course i did, gotta be there for my favourite girls" he said smiling just as Evie let out a little burp making us both laugh, it was the cutest little sound!

"So why are you in here crying? Talk to me" Steve said a few minutes later.

"Steve...."

"Wouldn't have anything to do with whatever the hell Sam and Bucky were bickering over would it?"

"Probably" I nodded as i picked at a thread on the blanket avoiding looking at Steve "Sam arranged a date for Bucky. I heard them talking.... Bucky said he didn't think he should go considering I've just given birth to his daughter. He feels like he needs to be here incase we need him" i shrugged "i want him to want to be here for her, i don't want him to feel like he has to.... like she's a burden to his dating life" i admitted to Steve then started to laugh at how stupid i sounded "i sound fucking crazy i know!"

"No you don't"

"I told him to go, told him that he should go on his date.... not to let us stop him, that i would be fine on my own"

"But you don't want him to go on that date do you" It wasn't a question, it was Steve stating a fact.

"No..."

"Y/N, why don't you just tell him that?"

"Because i'll sound like a crazy woman!! he doesn't owe me anything Steve, he’s not my boyfriend.... we didn't plan this" i rambled on not even sure if i was making any sense at all "yes, we have a daughter together now but that doesn't mean he has to put his life on hold. If he wants to date who am i to stop him?"

"And what about your feelings for Bucky?"

"W..what?" I asked wide eyed, caught off guard by Steve's comment.

"Im not blind doll, i see the way you are with him... the way you look at him. You love him" Steve stated smiling "and that was before you had Evie!"

"I.... i dont... shit. So what if i do huh?? Steve, it doesnt change the fact that he doesnt feel the same way!"

"How do you know that? Have you asked him??"

"Of course i haven't asked him!! But he made it clear enough back in Alaska" i shrugged.

"What do you mean?"

"if you had finally slept with the woman you loved.... would you act like nothing happened the next day?? Act like everything was normal, ignore her even. Go on dates with other women...."

"I wouldn't no"

"Exactly! There's no point in me telling Bucky how i feel because i know he will never feel the same".

"Y/N...."

"Its fine, honestly. I'll be okay, its just the hormones.... I'm over reacting" i shrugged "please don't say anything to him Steve.... i know he’s your best friend but this stays between us".

"I wont, i promise" he smiled sadly as he held my hand bringing it up to place a kiss on the back of it.

"Thank you Steve".

[jonathancrane-scarecrows]

100 Important Character Questions

Part 1: The Basics

What Is your full name?

Mikhailo Aleksandr Milkovitch

Where and when were you born?

08/10/1994 in Chicago

Who are/where your parents?

Terry Milkovitch is my dad, my mother... dont know her name.

Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?

Yeah my sister Mandy. We are both close. Shes a fighter, strong like a Milkovitch should be. Shes not afraid to tell you what shes thinking and I love that about her.

Where do you live now and with whom?

Chicago with Mandy and Terry.

What is your occupation?

Thug, pimp, security

To which Social class do you belong?

Poor, never going to get anywhere but that's fine.

Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

Fuck no. I'm as strong as they get... well if you consider family a weakness then yeah. They mean everything to me.

Are you right or left handed?

Right handed

What does your voice sound like?

Noel Fishers voice = Face claim

What words and/or phrases do you uses very frequently?

Fuck off, Carrot Top, Tough guy, Fire crotch, Fuck you, shut the fuck up...list goes on.

What do you have in your pockets?

Why the fuck should that matter? Wallet, money... maybe a gun.

Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

I'm a jealous person... can get violent when it comes to Caleb... I dont like it when others touch what's mine. ( Hes really Caleb's but... you know.) I drink, smoke and do drugs. It's better than dealing with the shit I deal with. Have a hard time being who I am... if people knew I'd be in a ditch somewhere.

Part 2: Growing up

How would you describe your childhood in general?

Violent. I grew up learning how to fight and dealing with my father. Of course it wasent all bad. Mandy was there with me through everything. Even stopped our dad from beating the shit out of me when he found a kid kissing me. Was the first kiss I had from a guy.

What is your earliest memory?

My dad beating the hell out of a guy that didnt pay up for a service he had done for him.

How much schooling have you had?

Plenty. I dropped out but schools not for everyone.

Did you enjoy school?

Fuck no. People always think they are better than you and if your poor they look at you like your scum. I left when I could.

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

My father of course. Mother left when we were young so everything I know Is from him. The good and the bad but that's what makes us Milkovitch.

While growing up, did you have any role models?

My dad but now I'd rather be far away from him as I could. Always in jail, causing fights. What a great role model right?

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?

Never met my mother so nothing going on there. With Dad? Our relationship has never been the best. Mandy our relationship is amazing. I help her she helps me...Milkovitchs stay close to family. Through thick or thin.

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Alive. Living the Milkovitch way is dangerous. All I want to to stay breathing.

As a child, what were your favorite activities?

Beating up the biggers kids, proving I wasent weak. Spending time with my sister.

As a child,what kinds of personality traits did you display?

Violent, jealousy, stayed with family through everything, need to be accepted ( Not very open with others about why), cautious, careful ( When he nedded to be), responsible.

As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?

Fuck no. Never been the popular type. Friends? Not really I beat kids up more than anything. They all feared me.

When and with whom was your first kiss?

I was 13 and was a girl... dont remember her name. My dad told me I needed to show interest in girls so I kissed her. Made him happy and got him off my back.

Are you a virgin? If not,when and with whom did you loose your virginity.

No definitely not a virgin... havent been in some time. I was 15 and no one knows but I said it was Angie... wasent her. Was a guy.

Part 3: past Influences

What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

Meeting Caleb. Might not be a big event to others but to me it was pretty big.

Who has had the most influence on you?

My father much to my distaste but hes all I've got beside my sister with family.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Staying alive. This world we live in it's not the greatest. The strong are the ones that will survive

What is your greatest regret?

Being a pussy and not admitting my feelings. Remaining in the closet.. afraid my father will kill me if I admit what I am.

What is the most evil thing you have ever done?

Does being a pimp count? I havent killed anyone yet. Came close many times with a gun pointed at them or me beating the fuck out of them.

Do you have a criminal record of any kind?

Fuck yeah I do. Been in Juvie a few times... ok more than a few. What can I say I'm a bad person.

When was the time you were most frightened?

When my father was beating the shit out of me when he saw a guy kiss me. The other got the worst of it.

What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?

Well finding out you like it up the ass is something I'd say qualifies.

If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?

Not being such a pussy about who I am. I'd change that fact because if I did I could be with who I wanted. Yeah my dad would be coming after me but at least I'd be worth it for Caleb.

What is your best memory?

Not many good ones but meeting Caleb for the first time was... it changed me.

What is your worst memory?

Fuck... I have too many bad ones to really say which was my worst.

Part 4: Beliefs & Opinions

Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

Neither I'm a realist. I know how things are.

What is your greatest fear?

Loosing anyone close to me.

What are your religious views?

Honestly I could give less a fuck... but my family is Christian.

What are your political views?

Not like I vote so it dont fucking matter.

What are your views on sex?

Best fucking thing ever! Helps with a lot of problems. People should do it more often. Less stress, issues... it's just better for you.

Are you able to kill?

Yeah depending on the circumstances

In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?

Be a pedophile, I'll fucking kill one if I see one.

Do you believe in the existance of soul mates and/ or true love?

Honestly... I dont know. I feel something with Caleb I've never felt with anyone... it's kinda scary.

What do you believe makes a successful life?

Not being a snitch, doing what your supposed to do and beating people that dont pay you like they were supposed to. It's not hard. Everyone has problems.

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings?

Depends who I'm talking with. I lie all the time.. I have to so my dad dosent find out about Caleb. I tend to be violent when asked if I'm gay.. I can't help it and fuck if Caleb knew how I felt about him... I dont know what would happen.

Do you have any biases or prejudices?

If we went off what my father thinks then I would.

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?

Snitch. I'm not a fucking snitch. The day I do that would have to be a fucking important reason.

Who or what,if anything, would you die for( or otherwise go to the extremes for?

Caleb aka. Carrot Top.

Part 5: Relationships w/others

In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?

Depends if I know them. If I like them then they can see I'm a great guy. Of course if I dont know them and they piss me off they are going to end up bloody. In general you know me I'm a good guy, you dont know me I keep my eyes on you.

Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

Caleb... meeting him has changed my life.

Who is the person you respect the most, and why?

My sister. Shes strong and she hasent snitched on me. Thick and thin we are close and always there for one another.

Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.

I dont have friends.

Do you have a spouse or significant other?

Caleb.... we arent married or anything so fuck off.

Have you ever been in love?

Yes

What do you look for in a potential lover?

Red head, batshit crazy, packing 9 inches.

How close are you to your family?

As close as I can be. We are there for one another though dads a dick.

Have you started your own family?

No

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

My family, they wouldnt leave me hanging or in trouble.

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?

Myself... maybe my sister... and perhaps Caleb. Why fuck you that's why.

If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

My family and Caleb... I hope anyways.

Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

My dad. He would rather see me dead than let me be gay.

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

Fuck no I fight with my fists, guns, anything I can get.

Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?

Sometimes depends on the situation.

Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?

No. I like who I like and large groups are not my thing.

Do you care what others think of you?

Fuck no ( A little)

Part 6: Likes & Dislikes

What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?

Fights... to an extent.. dont really have hobbies and I mostly do things for the family.

What is your most treasured possession?

One of Caleb's jackets

What is your favorite color?

Green

What is your favorite food?

Steak

What, if anything, do you like to read?

Dont read

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs?

I do all three, helps with stress.

How do you spend a typical Saturday night?

Fuck, really depends on what's going on. Things pop up all the time.

What makes you laugh?

Caleb... he makes me laugh a lot.

What, if anything, shocks or offends you?

Being called gay... I tend to get violent. Even if it's TRUE, living with my father has made me this way.

What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

Go see Caleb

How do you deal with stress?

Drink, smoke, do drugs, fuck... a lot of things.

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

Both

What are your pet peeves?

Girls hitting on me all the time, being my dads punching bag... yeah

Part 7: Self Image & Other

What is your greatest strength as a person?

Surviving

What is your greatest weakness?

Caleb

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

To be stronger... to tell my father who I am and live through the beating.

Are you generally introverted or extroverted?

Extroverted

Are you generally organized or messy?

Both

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.

Good: Fighting, taking care of family matters, lying ( sometimes hes terrible but he thinks hes amazing at it)

Bad: Admitting my feelings, showing how I feel... to an extent, loving others

Do you like yourself?

No

What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?

Get over my Dads hate for gays and come out

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

In jail

If you could choose, how would you want to die?

Protecting my loved one

If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.

See Caleb, fuck, then go spend time with Mandy

What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?

Being the first gay Milkovitch why the fuck not?

What three words best describe your personality?

Attractive, energetic, reliable

What three words would others probably use to describe you?

Aggressive, dangerous, dedicated

If you could, what advice would you, the mun, give to your character?

Theres nothing to be ashamed of! Be gay be whatever you want! Your perfect the way you are even with the rough edges. Your doing good but you and Mandy need to leave your father.

Tagging: @sin-of-the-father , @magicalmusesandwheretofindthem

[b00bconnoisseur]

60 questions for @not-my-brain

1. selfie.......Ugghhhh ok. Imma take one rn

Ok here u go (yes thats a bmth shirt)

2. what would you name your future kids?.....Ooo hmmm well when i was a kid i really liked the names disney, and mesiah. I didn't know at the time that mesiah was another name for god i think lol. I liked it cause of handlers mesiah. I still do. Ooo and maybe Tj too

3. do you miss anyone?......Yeah. My friends on Pinterest from a year ago. My friend lucas. Stan lee. Bob ross. My cousin who died from cancer some years ago. Snape. Sirius. Lupin. Tonks. Dobby. *continues to name every unfortunate death in hp*

4. what are you looking forward to?.......SE-YA next month!! Its the south eastern young adult festival at this college. You can have meet n greets with authors and alot of stuff its the besstttt

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?......DEFINATELY. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @sammchenry my friend lucas and @septembersbloom. ^^

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?..... What like...romantically? Or like a death? If romantically uhhh idk it took over a couple weeks but im ok now. Ive never had another relationship so idk. If death oof yeah idk maybe. Ig it depends on how much i knew them idk. Like when my nanny (great grandma) died i was sad for days (is that alot?)

7. what was your life like last year?.....Sucky af. Still is. But the highlights of my life last year was getting and making friends on tumblr, going to the tøp concert and going to warped tour, volunteering at the library, going to seya and meeting some of my favorite authors, reading, changing and improving my art, listening to all the bands i listen to now, getting into more fandoms, going to a friends house for the first time

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?.......Yes lol. Some years ago when i couldn't find smtn id be so annoyed and pissed id start crying. I dont now but still lol

9. who did you last see in person?.......Hm ig family doesn't count....? Wait do u mean a friend? If so uhh my friends rebekah, anika, and Judah at a TAB meeting at the library sometime last month.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?......I think so? Like i mean I can hide whenever i get my....time of the month from my mom (talking abt stuff like that with her makes me uncomfortable) and i hid a breakup. And other p big stuff too. So imma say yeah

11. are you listening to music right now?........*pops on earbuds after reading this* yee im listening to bitch lasagna by pewdiepie xD (do i have the best spotify playlist or what?)

12. what is something you want right now?.......To hug @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye but SOMEONE has to live so far away

13. how do you feel right now?........Happy that my earbud still works cause they got washed in the wash yesterday....oops. Its not my fault. I told my dad to remind me to take it out of my jacket pocket before they threw it in but noooooo he forgot

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?.......Uhhhhh fuck idk it was probably from my lil 4 yr old bro sometime last week. Other than him (hes my favorite sibling) i dont let them hug me too much

15. personality description.......Nerdy. Fangirl. "Emo". Tomboy. Hotsause obsessed. Book lover. Music lover. Black. Blue. Harry potter. Introvert. Fall. Sports. Values friendship. Loyal. Uhhhh i cant think of much lol

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?.......*sigh* yes. Yes yes yes. Theres some things abt me, or my life really, that i havent told anyone on here or my irl friends that i sooooo want to so bad but i haven't cause i feel like they'd feel bad and pity me and i don't want that

17. opinion on insecurities........I dont really understand this one. Everyones insecure abt something. Is this askin like if i think its ok or not? I say its ok. Im insecure about literally everything about me. My face. My personality. My socialness. My art. What i do. What i say. Basically my whole body. The things i feel good abt are my books, music taste, and my friends (ily fuckers)

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?.........Hmm this time around a year ago....idk its sorta the same but all the stuff i mentioned abt my year from last year didn't happen yet so nah tho my life sucks rn its better than this time last year

19. have you ever been to New York?........Nooo but i want too soo baddd i wanna visit @septembersbloom !! Im coming for ya soon gramps *does the eye watching thing* my dads been to nyc before tho cause he does construction and he had a concrete job to do there. It was a 23 hr drive for him

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?........Uhhh idk!!! So hard! Maybe.....the whole thats the spirit album by bmth ;)

21. age and birthday?.....15 yrs of age and September 27th 2003 (whats yours brainy? I'll put it on my calendar)

22. description of crush......Its weird idk im not sure if its a genuine crush or not but uh....They like hp :).Thats all u get

23. fear(s).......Losing my best friend @dirtysocke and my other friends. Death. Failure. Momo chasing after me then killing me slowly keeping my eyes open to look her dead in the eyes while i die

24. height......5'6 call me short and I'll fuck u up with THIS *pulls out trusty potato peeler named now steve* dont test me boi

25. role model......Hhhhhhhh so many! But uh gosh one of them is @superraedizzle (youtuberrrr) and vexx and bob ross and da vinci and aaaaaaa so many

26. idol(s)......First person that immediately comes to mind is @sammchenry cause he's super cool and he's really nice and his art's reallyyy good (if u havent seen it w-w-what are u even doin with your life?) And he has a great sense of humor and *continues to ramble about why samms the best*

27. things i hate.......Dabs. Transphobes. Homophobic ppl. Basically any hate on the lgbtq+ community. Bullies. The ship starker. Umbridge. Snape haters

28. i’ll love you if….....U you'll eat pizza, draw, and rp harry potter with mee

29. favourite film(s)......Fantastic beasts. Every hp film. Twilight. The maze runner 1-2. The hunger games. Spiderman homecoming. Kingsman: secret service. Into the spideyverse tho i havent seen it yet

30. favourite tv show(s)......Inkmasterrrrr. B99. The mick. The middle. Uhhh idk mostly ink master xD

31. 3 random facts........Ive never had shrimp. I had a beta fish for over a year once. Im eating pizza crust rn

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?.......G i r l s. I have all girl friends irl and one boy. And on tumblr it seems like i just meet girls? Likei agree with @cristal-kyd1280 its like alot more gals then dudes here. But i do have some guy friends on here too. But mostly girls

33. something you want to learn.......TO DRAW ANATOMY DAMMIT

34. most embarrassing moment........Every moment of my lifes an embarrassing moment. Idk of i can pick a "most" embarrassing one. But one time i i sent my crush (now ex bf) a hey fuckface and like some hearts or whatever for an ask game that meant like "i have a crush on u" "youre adorable" etc and said Hewo but i did it all anonymously. But he confronted me askin if i sent it cause im the only person he knows that actually says hewo lol. Then later on i finally admitted i really liked him and well y'all know the story after i think. Unless you're new

35. favourite subject.......A R TTTT OFC

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?........meet my friends on tumblr. Get into mtsu (college i wanna go to) and study art. And go skydiving

37. favourite actor/actress........favorite actor uhhhhhh probably thomas brodie sangster or tom felton and my favorite actress? Hmmm idk maybe evanna lynch (luna lovegood)

38. favourite comedian(s).......probably kevin hart lol he's p funny

39. favourite sport(s)........basketballllllll and football

40. favourite memory........uhhhhh idk?? One oh my favorite memories was when we went to see tøp in concert

41. relationship status.....single as a pringle

42. favourite book(s)......harry potter and the order of the pheonix. Harry potter and the half blood prince. Simon vs the homo sapiens agenda. Divergent. Maze runner. Twilight. Fangirl. Fallen. Red queen

43. favourite song ever.......TOO HARD DONT MAKE ME CHOOSEEEEEE

44. age you get mistaken for.........16 and 17 sometimes lol

45. how you found out about your idol........i was watching someone on yt and superraedizzle always poped up in my feed and my mom turned on one of her vids cause she always saw her vids too now ive seen most of em i love her. Id heard of vexx but never watched him and i was watching a collab from anthony miller art and shrimpy and i checked out shrimpys channel and was lookin at comments and alot of ppl said his art is like vexxs so i checked out vexx. At first i was like eh ok. Now i cant click fast enough when he posts a vid. And i actually fpund out about bob ross from my grandpa on jan 20 2017 when trump was getting sworn in or whatever. We turned on pbs and my grampa told me to look and bob ross was on and i was IN. I loved it. I even started watching full episodes on YouTube of the joy of painting after that. Wonderful man. My first painting i ever did i think was when i followed one of his tutorials xD (i didnt know it was popular at the time)

46. what my last text message says......."ok your turn"

47. turn ons.....uhh nerds ig idk um book lovers, music lovers, art lovers, potterheads, idk and nice ppl

48. turn offs......jerks. Homophobia. Idk ig whatever i said in things i hate

49. where i want to be right now......uhhhh idk wait didn't i already answer this? Ok this ones different ig so uhh with my friend lucas

50. favourite picture of your idol.....oh shit...favorite? Idk xD i have a fave of vexx but not of rae or bob. But heres pics of them any way

51. starsign......a libraaaaa boiii

52. something i’m talented at......drawing and speed reading. Thats about it lol. Oh and procrastina

53. 5 things that make me happy.......ooooo art, my friends here on tumblr, books, harry potter, and music ^^

54. something thats worrying me at the moment.....if my friend thinks im being annoying

55. tumblr friends......hhhhh so manyyyyyy. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @chinesewaffles2 @kingantlion @queen-baelin @sammchenry @septembersbloom and more

56. favourite food(s)......green beans, pepperoni pizza, and vanilla madelines

57. favourite animal(s).......basically any reptile. Puppies. Cats. Any animal really but my #1 are snakes

58. description of my best friend.....well she's a tiny bean (5 feet) and she has dark hair, she wears glasses, she doesnt take shit, she's in love with Josh dun, she's awesome, funny, nice (YES youre nice jackie) and shes the best friend ive ever had. Oh. And she has a weird obsession with spaghetti

59. why i joined tumblr.......well i heard abt it on Pinterest over a year ago but didnt want it. Then @mrfastbass-deactivated20181231 on DeviantArt said he got tumblr so i made one then followed him and figured id just post art and that's it cause i thought tumblr was boring as hell when i first got it. Now im p much obsessed with it

60. ask me anything you want.......go ahead brainy shoot. Give me smtn good

[quokkalatte]

Mixtape pt. 4 [M.YG]

Part 4

Category: One Shot series

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Female!Reader

Summary: Living as an aspiring rap artist in Seoul, all you want to do is work on your music and try to get your name out there. Of course when you have someone as annoying and spiteful as Min Yoongi makes that extremely difficult. Until he decides to help you out.

Warnings: smut, language, some Namjoon action (which ofc is a warning cause oof), angry Yoongi, alcohol consumption, perhaps some angst but not really

Warnings for this chapter: Honestly none except slight mentions of sex

Author's Note:so sorry it took so long to get his out thank you for being patient ♡ this chapter is short. Like really short but I'll try to make the next one longer ~ Autumn

Tags; @notsolovelykarsyn @psychoticshawtyy

Cannot tag: @deesixx2801

[Message me to be added to the tag list so you can be notified for new updates]

× × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × ×

It was like clockwork, waking up again and feeling angry and bitter at myself. Making myself something to drink and brooding and contemplating telling Yoongi not to come, tell him I'm sick. Any excuse not to see him again.

I sat on the couch, staring at Yoongi's contact, chewing my lip. I pressed his contact and texted him.

Me: don't come today, I've come down with something

Jerk: OK

I sighed, putting my phone down, going to take a long shower and try and get over the pounding in my skull, drinking was never a good idea. I undressed, stepping into the shower and allowing the steaming water to pour down my body, my eyes closing in content. I lathered myself in soap and wrapped myself in a towel, ruffling my hair with another to dry it faster. A faint knock had me frowning, dropping the towel I was drying my hair with I quickly adjusted the one covering my body, making sure I was appropriately covered, I went to the door, checking the peep hole and nearly yelped in shock.

Yoongi stood outside the door, container in hand and two drinks in another. His blonde hair was tousled and he was peering down the hall at something, scratching at his neck for a moment, pushing the grey goodie he wore for better access. I let out a short gasp. I told him I was sick! What was he still doing here? I backed away, from the door, eyeing it like it was deadly or toxic.

"Open the door Y/n I know you aren't still asleep, you texted me 30 minutes ago" Yoongi's aggregated voice came from the other side of the door. I swallowed and glared

"I told you I was sick Yoongi"

"And? Just let me in please your druggy neighbor keeps peeking at me and it's unnerving" he says, the last part fading into a whisper. I groan, pulling the door open, and Yoongi steps in quickly. He freezes once he sees my attire. Color floods his pale cheeks, and I blush darkly. "Uh, did I interrupt something?"

"N-No I just got done showering. I wasn't expecting you to still come" I mumble, excusing myself to dress, leaving Yoongi in my living room. I quickly pulled on a hoodie and sweatpants. I found him peering around my desk, and I clear my throat, and he turns to me. "Finished?" He asked and I roll my eyes.

"I still don't know why you're here, I told you not to come"

"I was already on my way when I got your text, and it wouldn't be the first time I've been around you when you're ill" he prompts, walking over to my kitchen island and setting the box and drink tray down.

"Have you considered maybe I don't want to see you?"I snap, fed up with him already. Memories of last night kept swimming in a haze, the alcohol making it dim to remember everything, but I understood the jist of watching Yoongi stick his tongue down some girl's throat and going to bed with her.

"Have you worked on a song yet?"

He completely ignored my question, opening the box and the tempting smell of sushi wafted towards me. I folded my arms, and huff

"You didn't answer my question"

"You didn't answer mine" he smirks, plucking a sushi roll and plopping into his mouth. "I brought you some too come eat" he mumbles, his cheeks puffed as he chewed. I growl in frustration and take one. "Well?"

"Yes I've worked on the song" I grumble, remembering the furious drunk scribbling I did last night in anger. Yoongi swallowed, taking a drink from his cup and dusted his hands on his pants.

"Let's see then" he asks, and I walk over to my desk and snatch the papers and handed them to him. He raised his eyebrows at me, before scanning the angry lyrics. I knew what they were, those were the one thing I remember about last night. The lyrics spoke of harsh love, love that wasn't reciprocated and the pain of having to watch him move about and not do anything about it. I suddenly realized the inspiration of the song was reading it, his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth formed the words. I grew nervous, wanting to know what was running through his head. He read through them twice before handing them back to me.

"They're very meaningful, full of emotion. I'd tweak the grammar a bit and take out a couple of repitions" he says, but his mouth moved as if he wanted to ask something else. His tone was guarded and he took another sushi roll and chewed it. I nod, returning the paper to the desk. The silence that followed was awkward. Yoongi wanted to ask something, I could see it in his eyes. It did nothing more than agitate my already hostile mood with him. He chewed the sushi in silence, eyeing me as I watched cars come and go out the window above my desk. It got to much.

"Just ask what you want to ask Yoongi" I sigh, turning to look at him. He seemed embarrassed that I had caught him, but as he eyed me, his nervousness quickly snapped and he spoke.

"Is the song about the guy you're with?" He asks, tone cold and judging.

"What guy?" I frown at him, halfly with exasperation

"The Panda Express guy" he said impatiently, like I was an idiot of some sort. My eyes widened and a blush rose on my cheeks.

"I'm not seeing the Panda Express guy Yoongi" I growl.

"Are you sure?" His tone mocking.

"Positive."

"Then what are the looks he gives you every time we go out after a session?"he accuses. I groan, this boy. He acts almost like he's jealous. Which couldn't be true considering the activities he had partaken in merely 12 or so hours ago.

"That's what they are Yoongi. Looks. He kept trying to ask me out but I turned him down. He thinks we have something special after we drunkenly kissed at a friends party over a year ago" I scoff. Yoongi squinted at me, trying to see if I was telling the truth.

"Jimin?" I groan, wanting to strangle him.

"Just a friend"

"You sure?" His tone was sharp "you seemed awful cozy last night"

"Dammit Yoongi I don't like Jimin! I don't like the Panda Express guy! I've never done more than kiss a guy so stop treating me like I'm some common whore" I yell, fists clenching in anger. Yoongi blinked, taken aback my my outburst. He looked guilty for a split second, and he eyed me. I blushed, realizing I had admitted my viginity to a guy who had probably taken many.

"You've never had sex?" He asks after a pause. I turn my eyes to the ground, not meeting his gaze

"No. Never found a guy I liked enough to do things with" I mumble. I didn't like the silence. That all that seemed to be happening were bouts of awkward and tension-filled silence. I just wish he'd speak. Yoongi was always bad with words, except when he was rapping. Then he could spit out words faster than I could comprehend.

"Neither have I" I was caught in my thoughts that I almost missed him saying it. I looked at him, and he looked back. This pissed me off. I balled my fists, walking over to him, and grabbed him by his hoodie. He yelped as I dragged him towards the door. The shock must have allowed me to do so, considering Yoongi was taller than me and more built. I shoved him towards the door.

"Get out" I snap. "I don't want you here again. If all you're going to do is patronize me and slut shame me and tell lies then I don't want you here. Ever" Yoongi sputtered at me

"What are you-"

"No!" I cut him off "you don't get to listen to me announce my intact viginity only for you to reply with you haven't had sex either" I growl, pointing my finger in his face.

"I havent-"

"Liar! You had your tongue down some poor girls throat just last night! I saw you so I dare you to deny it" I hiss. He swallowed cautiously.

"I won't deny it, but I didn't have sex with her" I snort and he glared at me. "it's true. I was going to, but I stopped. I always stop. I can't bring myself to do it" he mumbles, running a hand through his hair. I frown, not fully believing him. He always had girls at parties, every single time. He'd take a girl upstairs, and now he's trying to say he's never slept with them? I was doubtful.

"Why do you stop? They're pretty and eager" I ask

"Because I don't like them. I don't want to have sex with someone I don't care about. It needs to mean something." He says. I study him before replying. He seemed honest and genuine, I didn't see a trace of a lie on his features. My next question I knew would anger him, it was a touchy subject, but I couldn't deny my jealousy that wiggled it's way into my head.

"The girl in the song you wrote for, is she special?" I ask. Yoongi's gaze was intense, and I had to will myself not to look away. I stared into his brown eyes as he spoke.

"More than she could possibly know" he says, his voice low and calm. The air sparked with a new kind of tension, created from his words and gaze. It sent pickles of emotion up my spine and caused a round of goose bumps to grace my arms. The jealousy egged me on, I wanted to know more about this girl that apparently plagued his thoughts enough to have a song written for her. Did she know about the crush Yoongi was harboring so deeply for her? Maybe not, or they'd be together already.

I didn't realize how close Yoongi was to me. His face hovered inches away from mine. I could feel the exhaled breath fan across my face and the heat his skin put off warm the air between us. It chilled me, him being so close and my cheeks spread with warmth as I realized he hadn't broken eye contact. He licked his lips, and leaned forward just slightly, his breath setting me aflame.

The loud sound of a phone ringing caused us to jump. Yoongi stumbled back into the door and I turned to find the offending noise. Yoongi phone was vibrating and ringing nest to the food and drinks. I tried to still my rapid hear beating as Yoongi quickly walked over to it, picking it up and answering it.

"Hello?" His voice was higher pitched and his cheeks were flushed pink. Incomprehensible words came from the other side. Yoongi hummed "okay I'm in my way. Try to get him not to move it" he says and hangs up. He glanced at me "I need to go"

"What happened?" I ask, instantly worried. He wrinkled his nose

"Namjoon's roommate, Seokjin, got his hand caught in the sink. Reached down to grab something and it got stuck. I need to go help get it out while Namjoon panics unnecessarily" he says. I open my mouth to respond, to tell him I wanted to come, but he was already out the door with a quick slam and a rushing sound of clothing, leaving me alone and confused.