#i'd still say its a good idea to get exercise not to lose weight but rather so you arent facing potential complications from eating shit

[as8bakwthesage]

Fatness, Fatphobia, and the Myth of Fat = Unhealthy

Can we talk about the concept of fatness and the correlation of unhealthiness without inherently demonising fat people?

Let me explain so I don’t get people claiming I’m fatphobic.

Americans have an obesity problem. But one of the only reasons why it’s a problem is because we tend to see a high rate of health complications with them. Now, while there are some genuine health complications that can come with being morbidly obese (movement limitations, joint issues, skin conditions), you don’t tend to notice these “fat people are unhealthy” folks talk to a skinny person about their weight when they go to the doctor and say “I have high cholesterol/diabetes/etc.”

But the first thing a doctor says to a fat person? “Have you tried losing weight?”

Furthermore, Americans have a highly unhealthy lifestyle just in general. From the food we eat to the lack of public transport and sidewalks to encourage walking and exercise, Americans are kind of stuck with the issue of “if I have to get anywhere, I will need a car.” And any exercise a person gets, they need to go to a Gym or out of their way to do so.

The food here is not much better. The absolute inflation of fast food chains to the additives and additional fat and high fructose corn syrup in food that other countries have made illegal to add in food is not healthy whatsoever. And also, eating healthy is fucking expensive in this country and most people don’t even make enough to pay rent on their own, let alone buy fresh vegetables or fruits, meat and dairy products like milk or eggs. And then we get into fast food chains, where some people are so tired from work or don’t have the time to prepare food that they end up buying fast food, which also contains all the crap listed above.

Poor people are basically forced to eat crap either way (unless you know how to budget really well, but most people don’t have the time or don’t have the skills to. Or at the very worst and probably most uncommon, lazy, which yeah, I get that. Why do I need to spend time budgeting for fucking FOOD when I should be able to just AFFORD THE FUCKING FOOD.)

So this comes to my thesis that I’d say most people who follow me already know - being fat is not inherently bad/unhealthy just as being skinny is not inherently good/healthy.

I think either way, the reason why obesity gets brought up so much in this contexts when discussing health issues and the obesity problem in the states is solely because we are correlating issues (fatness = unhealthy, therefor a problem) when that is not necessarily the case.

It’s perfectly reasonable to say that you can be overweight or fat and be healthy. You can eat well and exercise and you’d be fine in most cases. But we also need to consider metabolism as well. Different people have different metabolisms which affects how their digestive system processes food. I have a friend who is REALLY skinny but only because her metabolism is stupidly fast and I have a friend who is fat and her metabolism is slow, despite the fact that she eats relatively healthy.

Some people will loose weight when they exercise and some people won’t and that’s okay. So long as people are making sure they get a balanced diet and are exercising routinely, it doesn’t really matter.

But whoops, here comes the controversial hat out. Buckle up kids. There is only one group of fat people I genuinely cannot stand and have problems with.

I don’t care how skinny or fat you are, but if you are recording yourself as a morbidly obese and eating the worst possible fast food in the world for the purpose of gaining more weight, you are not doing yourself any favours. The risks of eating high fat and sugar foods are very well documented and even so, it’s harder to move as a fat person too (unless you exercise and are active) which can cause chronic pain and other issues.

You do not gain anything by being proud of the fact that you gain weight.

I know why people do this. For one, fat people are in a fatphobic society that views them as disgusting creatures, so I understand wanting to gain back some ground and be proud of your weight. But this is not the way to do it. You don’t own skinny people by eating foods that will slowly kill anyone who eats it so you can gain more weight.

And the other reason is inflation fetish. Which uh, I’m not about to judge your weird fetishes, I like drinking blood, but no. It’s a fetish that will diminish your quality of life and you will face health complications that will make your life miserable. You loose mobility, you cause strain on your joints as our bodies aren’t designed to hold up so much weight. And that’s just the morbid obesity part. The truly unhealthy part is that you are just ingesting crap, regardless of how much you weigh.

While it’s true that eating more causes you to gain more weight and that happens for evolutionary reasons, a person should not be trying to make themselves morbidly obese.

These are the only fat people I have a problem with. Everyone else is valid and you don’t have to lose or gain anymore weight than you already have, you just need to exercise and eat healthy, regardless of how much you weigh.

But that’s, again, complicated by the fact that the food industry is stupidly expensive and exercise is so hard to do when the only way to get to places is by driving and you need to go out of your way and spend a lot of time just to exercise.

And yet again, we don’t see criticisms of unhealthiness slung at skinny people even if they too don’t exercise or eat healthy. I mean, it’s obvious why. It’s just fatphobia. You don’t like fat people, you can’t stand them for some fucking reason, and you mask your hate by telling fat people they need to “loose weight to be healthy” you concern-trolling little shits.

I think the issue we should be focusing on is not on ‘obesity = unhealthy’ but rather ‘obesity = poverty’ because a lot of fat people are poor. And that needs to fucking change. Like we elaborated above, most people can’t afford healthy food or don’t have the time to exercise because of exhaustion from criminally long hours and lack of time in the day, alongside affordable gyms.

I feel like we’d see a lot less of an “obesity problem” in America if actual social change was implemented. The focus should be on ‘lack of exercise and healthy food because of poverty = unhealthy’.

But the government and companies aren’t ready to have that discussion because it would mean undermining their own power by giving people welfare benefits, unions, walkable and bikable cities/public transportation, and affordable housing- WHOOPS I’VE COME BACK TO CRITIQUING CAPITALISM. YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD ESCAPE ME, BUT YOU WERE WRONG-

The point of this essay was basically: you don’t need to be skinny to be fit, shit’s unaffordable, and capitalism bad.

[never-to-be-homeless]

Hey Sam, Dean—it's Rach again. I know Sam's the healthy one, so I figured I'd include him in this. I just need to talk about my weight where no one will judge me or tell me I'm not trying hard enough. Don't get me wrong, my family is super supportive and they love me to death, but them nosing into my business has just led me to hiding what I eat. Snacking when someone turns their head. I feel like I'm lying to their face about it. I feel guilty all the time...

...Before I started losing weight, I was at 169 lbs with 30% body fat. It's not obese, as I'm pretty tall, but I felt chubbier than the average 17 year old girl and decided to eat healthier and walk on the treadmill everyday. Healthy weightloss. Great, yeah? I managed to lose 20 lbs. I hit 148 a few months later with a smile on my face. Not without set backs, though. When I cheated, I was really hard on myself......I haven't told anyone, but there were a few times I forced myself to throw up. Yeah, I know its a gateway to bulimia. I know it was stupid, but I didn't know what to do. I would binge in solitude and then panic. I was so scared to gain all the pounds back. And I was so scared that my family would judge me for not losing weight. Fortunately, after a few weeks of doing it spottily, I got scared I'd become bulimic and stopped. Hopefully I don't drop that low again. I couldn't ever admit that...

Hey, Rach, Sam here.

I hope we got all your asks -- we only had three, but the last ended with an ellipsis, so I just wanted to check. I’ll answer these, but if something got lost, definitely let us know.

I can say with complete confidence, that we’re never going to judge you, Rach, so come by any time to chat about whatever’s on your mind. I will say, though, that some things are a bit out of our wheelhouse, especially as we get a little closer to things dealing with physical health. I just don’t want you to feel like we’re not listening, or we don’t care, if we tell you that it might be a good idea to talk to your doctor about something. We’re definitely listening. Sometimes that’s just the best advice we have.

Your goals are spot on, I think, trying to feel better in your body in a healthy way. And there’s nothing wrong with that, at all. But it can definitely start to weigh on your mind when you feel like the way that you’re living, or the way that you like to live, isn’t lining up with what your family might or might not approve of. I’m always the first to say that it’s important to take care of your body and your physical health, primarily through a balanced diet and exercise, but focusing on that should never negatively impact your mental health. One of my favorite things that I’ve come across is the saying, “Eating the cookie will do less harm than stressing about eating the cookie.” Which is to say, in the long run, the stress you put yourself under worrying and stressing about eating the cookie (in turn, raising your cortisol levels -- excuse my little science-y interruption) is much harder on your body that the 150 calories or so in the cookie you want to eat. Sometimes, it’s actually better to eat the slightly unhealthy food, if that’s what you’re craving.

This kind of leads into what happens to our bodies when we come up with too many rules around how, what, and when we eat. I don’t really know what’s been going through your head, but I want to talk about this a little, and maybe it’ll resonate. When we really restrict our intake, at least drop it significantly from where it was before, our body goes into a sort of starvation mode, and it sets us up to binge later. So, if you try really hard to eat very little for most of the day, by the time evening comes around, you’re ravenous, and you want to eat everything in sight. It has nothing to do with willpower, and it’s definitely not something anybody should judge you for. It’s a really natural and normal response our bodies have to not eating enough (again, I don’t know if this is the case, or how much you’re eating, and I’m not a professional). It’s easier said than done, but the answer to this really is to make sure you’re eating well throughout the day, in a way that makes you feel good. For some people, that’s 3 meals a day. For others, it’s 4 or 5 small meals a day. It’s just important to listen to your body’s signals and eat when you’re hungry. Especially if you’ve been exercising more. We need calories just to function. Even if you lie in your bed all day -- you never get up, you just lie there, you barely move -- your body is still burning calories. Which means that if we start exercising, we need to fuel that, too. 

It’s hard, I know it’s hard, especially when the whole world is telling you that you should look a certain way or be a certain size by editing pictures and putting them on the cover of magazines. But even if we all ate the same, and even if we all exercised the same, our bodies wouldn’t look the same. And that’s the other thing I kind of want to dive into: your weight isn’t really the number that matters. There’s been a lot of evidence that shows that weight and BMI aren’t actually the best indicators of our overall health, and it’s much more important how you feel than what the scale says (a really great example of this is pro athletes, many of whom are “obese” by the BMI’s measurement, but are almost entirely muscle mass). 

This really got a bit long, but the most important takeaway of all of this, is that I want you to feel comfortable in your own skin. If that means losing some weight, in a healthy way while still eating enough, then I support you. If that means learning to love the body you’re in, then I support you, too. But it should be about you, and what you want, rather than how your family feels. Remember, it’s your body, not theirs.

Always keep fighting,

Sam

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Hey there, Rach, s’Dean.

My brother really covered a lot of it, and it’s a good thing you called on him, he’s really got more of a knack for this than me. But I wanted to add my two cents.

Even though Sammy’s more likely to chow down on a salad (I still stand by the fact that it’s rabbit food), I don’t think that health is about eating vegetables all the time. I know I eat my fair share of cheeseburgers, and I drink my fair share of beer, and those aren’t great for me. But having those things sometimes, in moderation, that’s okay. The healthiest thing for me is that I’m happy with how I eat, I eat enough, and I’m comfortable in my own skin. It won’t stop Sammy from trying to feed me brussels sprouts, though.

Always here,

Dean

[mybodyliberation]

Scottish Wedding Show - These Are My Thoughts

Truthfully it's truly majestic to have wedding and event decor all in one place. If you love the stuff then wedding fayres are one of the lost exciting places to get your fix.

If you're like me then you adore fawning over charger plates, weighing the benefits if artificial verses real flowers and drooling over prop tables filled with catering spread ideas.

Theres something magical about the experience of that but reality started to bleed into the dream as I walked around the Scottish Wedding Shows stalls last weekend and came face to face with vendors pushing invasive cosmetics, weightloss programs and bridal stalls using models in the smallest sample sizes that didn't reflect the brides make myself wondering around the space.

Firstly I want to say that I think its brilliant that Scotland as a wedding fayre of this size because its important that there are accessible events that serve Scottish brides. It would be ridiculous to expect them to travel for hours down south just in order to experience and encounter the variety they deserve to have.

However this is the problem I had. It felt like a lot of the setup of the day wasnt about providing insulation for couples, but giving them standards to aspire to that are about impossible standards and aesthetic. The first thing I clocked and what I usually clock was the lack of racial diversity. In models and clientele.

My OH and I were certainly the only interracial couple I saw present on the day and I certainly didn't bump into any other women of colour nor see any vendors that accommodated the needs of brides of colour and their electric heritages.

This was disappointing as there is a hugely incredible Asian wedding industry within Scotland and I at least expected to see vendors that reflected this in either event planning, venue or makeup artistry.

Now for all I know the producers of the SWS have sought them out, but how much was done to make sure there was representation for people of colour? This isn't an accusation as much as a genuine question. What was done and was this even important do the organisers?

If it takes a person or colour to keep pointing out that we need more representation we are honestly never going to see change because you see it's all of our responsibilities to ensure that we create spaces that reflect the diverse world we live in.

If we are not striving to be as inclusive as possible and ensuring that as many of us feel welcome to these sorts of events then who is it for?

So honestly I would love for that to be addressed and I would love to go to the next show witnessing a genuine change.

One of the other things that irked me, as I mentioned, was the weightloss and invasive cosmetic treatment stalls.

Now I want to take a moment to acknowledge that each person's choices are there own. If you want to change yourself because of whatever reasons that is truly your prerogative and honestly we support your happiness.

As long as we also acknowledge that true happiness can be found in transforming are outside appearance but in the internal work of healing and accepting our authentic selves.

I also don't think theres anything wrong with wanting to look good nay, your best, on your wedding day, but that doesn't just start from the external things you try.

Okay.

That being said, it would be naive to not recognise that in a world where the media bombards us with images of "what's beautiful" that that's not going to affect how we see ourselves.

Imagine a person getting ready for their wedding who already struggles with their self esteem and self worth, walking into a space that is meant to help accommodate creating their dream day, and being met with the harsh message of YES, consider losing weight because fatness is bad and YES consider cosmetic treatment or surgery because something about you isnt good enough and can be changed.

Why should the message be affirming that there is something wrong with you? When the message should be affirming that you are already wonderful, your partner knows that and that's why they want to marry you and that's why you're planning a wedding.

I think its dangerous when we are curating these events and promising the facilitation of a genuinely positive experience and yet still buying into these toxic and systematically broken standards and ideals that have been oppressing us for so long.

We all want to feel special and look awesome on our wedding day, but life before and after the day shouldn't be consumed by trying to fit a certain size or having to sacrifice who you are to become some wedding "version" of yourself. I'd love to see wedding fayres like SWS encouraging the pursuit of authenticity.

Okay lastly...body diversity. Where is it at!? If I was a business, especially bridal or groom swear, and I know that vast range of bodies come to me hoping to be dressed, I would actively work to provide visual representations of what items will look like on similar bodies. I saw a total of 2 stalls, maybe I missed some, that offered bridal and actually had plus size gowns on display. This means that either most boutiques don't have them or they won't display them because they want you to know that these dresses are aspirational. You want to look like "this" on the wedding day because that's what a bride looks like. How is that possible because brides comes in so many diverse forms that its offensive to send a message that says you be able bodied, under a size 10 and white. Dont get me wrong, if you fall into this category, you're wonderful and you shouldn't feel shamed, but we must remember that this is not the only form beauty comes in. We cannot continue to sell fantasies that's sole purpose is to ensure the continued tearing down of self esteem and the upholding of toxic patriarchal systems. We had a peaceful time knowing we have planned what we needed to but were open to seeing extras. Side note if you're nearly engaged this particular exercise of shopping via fayres could potentially be very overwhelming. I feel blessed to have entered into wedding planning confident in myself and in my relationships and our financial position because I didn't feel any shame because I can't fit a size 8 wedding dress and I can't afford a £5k venue.

I want to end things on a bright note and said I did still thoroughly enjoy the experience. There are a lot of things there that provide genuinely great inspiration and if you take that away and do some research you could either book a vendor you met there or figure out how to do it cost effectively yourself.

So if you're visiting fayres and you're looking for the magic, I just want to tell you something - you are the magic.