#i'd like to say i'll post the fic sometime but i don't even trust myself

[cnth-rb]

Detective Shiu because I needed to visualize him for a fic

[hey-august]

It's been a bit, so let's have a life and writing update! ✨

(Spoiler alert: I'm still writing! It's at a slower pace than I'd sometimes prefer, but I'm trying to embrace it.)

Life update:

To start with something that was both obvious to me but also a recent revelation - my irl imposter syndrome has been off the charts and unhealthy. While I thought I was taking care of myself, I was actually giving into the languishing and stagnation.

I knew I didn't feel as comfortable or confident as usual, but I didn't realize there were signs that were becoming obvious to others. Thankfully this came from people I trust and feel supported by. (Of course, now I'm fighting with the thoughts that say "this is proof you're not good enough, because you couldn't do it" and "you are enough, others see your potential and want you to succeed." 😅)

I'm also still digesting something I learned about myself in therapy, which I think contributed to the languishing - I don't share my feelings, including reaching out for help when I need it, because I (falsely) believe that my feelings don't matter.

While I know it isn't true, it's hard to let go of a belief and the wall it created while I was growing up. But I am still growing and I will replace that belief.

There are a lot of other thoughts and feelings I have right now, each with their own ups and downs, but I'm feeling more optimistic and clear-headed. And, finally, ready to reconnect with myself.

This feels like a right moment to bring us to the..

Writing Update:

I'm still writing and I don't plan on stopping. I know I churned out a lot of things much quicker earlier this year. As fun and enjoyable as that was, I think it's time for me to accept that wasn't normal or average for me. 😅 It's not healthy to keep comparing my present to my past.

All that to say, I'm still moving along! Also, one of my favorite childhood books was "The Little Engine That Could," so I'll keep embodying that cute blue steam engine. (But not in a way that will result in burnout. 😌)

Also, I'm going on a weekend trip to check out an Animal Crossing Aquarium Tour, so, uh, I probably won't post much this weekend too.

Alrighty, let's get in a WIP update:

A Line From Me to You is still in the works. I posted a poll and the results were to hold on until it was finished before posting the next part. I might interpret that as "wait until there's more smut," since I have a plan to wrap up this story with more than one steamy session.

...I started a Halloween fic a bit ago. It's mid-November, but I'm afraid that if I stop, I'll never go back to it. The story is like half or two-thirds finished at this point.

I'm thinking of doing a small December event. I have a topic in mind (cough double penetration december cough cough), but I'd like to have some sort of interactive element, while still being able to prepare ahead of time. I'm not completely committed to doing the event yet, but there's one idea that I'll definitely share no matter what. 🤭

I have a few things in my Inbox to get to! One is a request that I have written out, although it'll be in bullet points rather than a full fic. (Maybe I can get that out this weekend...)

CG Carnival. Jeez, this has been fighting me, but I have a good bit written, and outlines for everything else. I feel this story in my bones and I need to let it out.

---

Wow, this turned into a whole LiveJournal update, huh? I guess it's time to wrap it up and get sappy.

Thanks for looking and for all of your support - no matter how visible or quiet it is. Truly, I really appreciate it all. 🩷🩷🩷

Keep caring for yourselves, even when it's hard or uncomfortable. Your feelings matter. Go at the pace that is right for you. And **** the clown.

[shiroganeryo]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

Thank you for the tag @ofdemonsandangels! Finally got me to babble about writing, eh 😂

As always, I won't be tagging anyone but if you see this on your dash and feel like doing it, feel personally tagged by me!

⭐ How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently twelve. All finished, but there's one in particular that's part of a collection of stand-alone one-shots that I'd like to add more into sometime, hmm.

⭐ What's your total AO3 wordcount?

102,279 words.

⭐ What fandoms do you write for?

At the moment, it's mostly Bungo Stray Dogs (it only took me 7 years to realize I could write fanfic for this one), but I also have some Genshin Impact works and one D.Gray-Man work posted. There's a long, looong doc (38 pages, 16,700 words) in my WIPs for DGM.

⭐ What are your top five fics by kudos?

The Meaning of Sharing Happiness ➡️ To Hold Dear and To Own ➡️ God's play ➡️ Just a Short Break ➡️ A Moment to Cherish

⭐ Do you respond to comments?

I might take a while to get to it, but I always read all the comments I get and am always extremely grateful that people took their time to write something; so I usually worry about giving each reply the proper attention and if my gratitude is translating well into my words whenever I get to reply.

⭐ What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmm, I haven't one of these. I only wrote mild angst once and even that got resolved within the specific work. I don't see myself writing anything like this but it might depend on your definitions of what's an "angst ending"?

⭐ What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Definitely New Pages in Our Very Own Novel - my three-chapter wedding and honeymoon fanfic written for dazatsu week this year. I was pressed by time constraints to make it in time, but I poured a lot of love and care into this one, merely because they deserve to be happy and at peace; so many of the moments in this fic are light or meaningful in some way, but still lovely, all the way to the ending.

⭐ Do you get hate on your fics?

Not that I know, thankfully!

⭐ Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do, have some posted and I'm still rather proud of them! Describing "what kind" is a little hard (no pun intended) because my ideas usually stem from the thought of "I want to see this specific thing happening so I'll make it". I went into kinkier territory once, but in general, I think what drives me to write smut is having the people involved getting down and dirty but in a passionate way, if that makes sense? I like to make their love for each other show in how they handle each other but I also like the couples to be unapologetically into it, show off their sensuality and personality while at it. A good mix of sexy and lovely.

⭐ Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

My brother in Christ, I already have trouble managing people from one universe in only one work. So, no 😅

⭐ Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Hopefully not?! I'd be very upset.

⭐ Have you ever had a fic translated?

If it's been translated by myself, does it count? I translated one of my fics to my native language (Brazilian Portuguese) via voice call with my little sister once, she's still studying English but she was adamant on reading something from me, so I translated that one for her. It was a very fun experience, actually!

⭐ Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet and I don't think I ever will; I have such a demanding pacing for writing that I'd overworry about inconveniencing the other person.

⭐ What's your all-time favorite ship?

No matter if it's in regard to posted fics, or in my general opinion, my answer is the same: Dazatsu (Dazai Osamu x Nakajima Atsushi) means the world to me.

Story with this ship began years ago but like I mentioned in question 3, it took me a lot of time to realize I could write for them as well. Every single fic I write for them has a dedication to my spouse in the notes, but that's the most I'll say because trust me, this story is LONG haha

If we're talking about the amount of rent-free living inside my head, then it's a tie between them, ChuuAki (or ChuuSano, not sure which ship name people use mostly nowadays for Nakahara Chuuya x Yosano Akiko) and ZhongVen (Zhongli x Venti from GI). I definitely plan to write more for chuuaki at some point; they all live happily in a three story building inside my mind 😂

⭐ What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

There's a rather extensive GI WIP (for Lumine x Noelle) in my folder that I feel doubtful toward purely because I'm so uncertain about it; when I started writing that one, we were only at the start of the story of the game so things looked very different from now. I'll need to rework and scrap many things in that one...

⭐ What are your writing strengths?

One thing that I put a lot of attention and care into, and that has been praised time and time again, much to my happiness, is character portrayal. I've been told on various occasions that my characterization of the characters felt close to the original to the point people were able to easily picture them doing and saying the things described in my works, how I got their "voice" right and how enjoyable it was to read because of it. It never fails to put a smile on my face, and I've replied to comments more than once saying that these are the best kind of praises I could get from anyone.

⭐ What are your writing weaknesses?

Not sure how much of this is a weakness or simply a personality defect, but: obstination and self-imposed pressure. I won't be able to relax until I have finished a work I feel I must finish, because I'm so used to not having free time for my hobbies that I have this - usually extremely self-destructive - mentality that goes "I must do all of it now while I still have the chance since I don't know when I'll have time again"; which means I tend to get no breaks at all, will sacrifice sleep hours to work on it, and destroy my back all for the sake of a condition my head imposed on me.

Probably not the answer you were expecting, but it's what I struggle with the most; this ride or die mentality born from perfectionism and a little (?) pinch of anxiety.

⭐ Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

If it's a language I can speak, then it's not a problem, though I haven't had the chance to do so (yet).

But here's a random language trivia for you: I tend to think a lot in Japanese for all my BSD fics to make their dialogues as accurate as possible even with the work being written in English - for example, there are certain puns/jokes that exist in English but either don't work or don't exist in the Japanese language, so I avoid adding them; things like these. It's small attention to detail no one but me would know about, but it's something I do because it matters a lot to me.

If it's a language I can't speak, or a cultural aspect I'm unsure of, I either ask a friend or delve into those "Ask A (insert nationality here)" subreddits. It's always a riveting learning experience!

⭐ First fandom you wrote for?

Officially published and first ever: that would be D.Gray-Man. Though Jesus Christ, I would not show my 15 yo's crazy DGM fic full of nonsense and OCs. There were even ships in there that I can't bear to listen the name of nowadays. How the times change 😂

⭐ Favorite fic you've written?

I'll cheat my way on this answer, because I can't pick just one.

SFW: New Pages in Our Very Own Novel & Healing Touch These two are undoubtely the ones I've gotten the most praise for as well as very, very long comments that had me giggling and kicking my feet like I was a teenager again; but what I like the most about them is, respectively: New Pages: I did a lot of research for New Pages. I actually used Google Maps to trace their routes during their stay in the Ginza Prefecture for the honeymoon, just so I would know if they'd need to take the train or if they could just walk to their destinations. One thing that I've always loved in BSD are the real-life places references, so I went for that: I referenced real-life places as well, and even the hotel I picked was also inspired by a real-life one, located in the same place. I paid a special amount of attention to landscapes and their descriptions and it was as fun as it was exhausting! haha The contents of the fic are still the most important, but the experience of writing and doing research for it, learning more and viewing so many pictures to describe things, was one of a kind. I'll never forget it. Healing Touch: This fic was born from a wish of mine to do a certain character study, and I'm still proud of how it came out. Dazai as a character is extremely complex and we all know it, but I wanted to, at the very least, scrape at the surface of his humanity hidden underneath all those layers - all the while I worked on Atsushi's perception of things and the way he dealt with his own sense of sadness and grief and used those to try and understand Dazai's. I can't really say much about it because it'll just sound like a lot of babbling out of context, but I feel like I did a good job on those bits (it's not the entire focus of the fic).

NSFW: Baring Stripes and Bandages I'm sorry, I'm just a furry. Jokes aside, this was the one time I went for an approach that explored some kinks that aren't too vanilla and I'm still quite proud of how it came out. We - my spouse and I, this fic was born from a headcanon of his - often joke saying it's my magnum opus, and then it's just a kinky fanfic 😂 But I'm still so proud!

[jayflrt]

HAI USER JAYFLRT it's been so long huhu ㅠㅠ was lowkey reading yfi786 silently during exam season ... BUT IM HERE NOW TEEHEE disclaimer : i have so many thoughts but idt it makes sense even in my head TT

the recent chapter was SO GOOD like plot aside, i can never emphasize enough how much i love the way you write. sometimes i revisit your fics that i've alr read and sit in front of my screen and try to understand ur pattern of writing ?? mostly bc i have a terrible habit of incorporating repetition everywhere in my works and that is something i usually don't notice in ur fics so :O js want u to know that ure rlly someone i forward to when it comes to writing ( and like, absolutely fucked up humour too bc ure so funny )

back to the smau, CHAEWON WHEN I CATCH U ... i thought she and yn were getting along, at least to some extent ?? but it made me so mad when she brought it up although i sort of understood where she was coming from idk like maybe bc she had/has some unsolved beef towards yn which mostly roots from heeseung ... but still crazy af to say that in front of everyone!!!! lowkey scared for jay i think everyone will jump him when they know him and yn almost fucked TT

and the hazing ritual had me shook i don't think i would've ever survived that if that happened to me lmfao, tho thanks to svt for being the comedic relief. STEALING THE GOAT PART WAS SO SKJDHKJHDF aaand i loved the heejay cuddle part too i know they're the main pairing and everyone else is js secondary

ANYWAYS im so so excited for the next chapters and the chapters after that too >< got me praying for jay bc i dont see the light at the end of the tunnel for him ... but im gna take ur word when u said u dont rlly like sad endings so jayn r going to end up together ( _ _; )

HI CAEL!! i was saving this ask for when i planned to answer all of the ones in my inbox and kept thinking of getting to it whenever i'd see you on twt 🤧 but here i am sorry for the late response!!! and i hope your exam season went well! manifesting you passing with flying colors 💗

i'm so glad you liked the chapter!! (i think this was for chapter 40 if i'm not mistaken 🥲) but omg please that's so sweet 🥹 but no pls i have that same problem myself, it must be a universal writing habit 🤧 but what i try to do is fix it as i go, like i'll write what comes to mind and tweak my sentences if i catch some repetition LOL idk if that helps but that's what usually works for me!!! and omg it makes me so happy to hear that you look forward to my writing 🥰

chaewon's always been sidelined when it came to mc (especially by heeseung) so she definitely did not have good intentions when she brought that up 😔 another reason for mc to be Very careful about the people she surrounds herself by

i physically cannot add jeonghan in a story without making him a little silly goofy <33 svt are such pookies i had the most fun writing that exchange between hannie and hao LMFAO and omg so true this is actually just a heejay fic and jay/n is just a side pairing sorry guys :/

DONT YOU WORRY i have spent countless hours agonizing over how to flesh out this ending in the best possible way and i am 97% sure i have covered all the bases to get us there (the 3% will be accounted for after i finish the act 2 finale trust 🙂‍↕️) but although i haven't posted a chapter in a hot minute i've been racking my brain to tie all the loose ends together and i think i've done it!! so i'm hyped 😁 it will be a ride ,, i'll hold everyone's hand for the drops

[turnertable]

can I say something controversial after we just got done celebrating miles and Alex reuniting?

I think Milex is a cute ship, it is, they are an adorable pair. their chemistry is very sweet and they are like soulmates you can tell, be that platonic or not in y'alls opinions. I personally don't ship it (always been a mattlex girly myself, platonically talking). I do feel at times y'all do focus on the wrong thing with Miles and Alex. some of you lot love defending Miles and how he doesn't deserve to just be associated with Alex but please and I beg you, tell me truthfully you know Miles from his solo work and not from TLSP. there's few of us, I think Miles is great and his music is good, I saw him before AM live FFS but no I wouldn't know Miles without Alex. It's just a thing that will always exist and it's unfortunate I know but it's true. I also think documenting and cherry picking at specific moments that have literally no correlation at all to milex romantic moments and making them oddly sexual is fucking odd. like I'll give you the d, I wish you would: that's an innuendo, that's funny and you can make that sexual cuz they did. they act like an old married couple at times. the lentils joke about their bad habits for example, it's cute and domestic. it's fic material. I understand that, trust me but like sometimes they are just on coke and giggling like little boys over like bringing bread and crumpets to the studio and that's not an allegory for fucking each other (an actual real post someone made). please it's odd and fetishism of two men who are straight. I understand that being gay is still a taboo subject for some people from more oppressive countries and maybe at 14 when you found AM, milex was your first introduction to shipping culture and men being shipped together, that would be exciting to you. However the nuances of that is that it can cross a line to a degree where you aren't respecting the two real people. I was in the Dan and Phil fandom before they came out and we had an era called 2012 where Dan especially was on the defense constantly to a point where it was a taboo to us to talk about but through time, that defense became more empathetic with them coming out. we all grew up and that behaviour from when we were kids was not ok anymore and that frustration was valid. I have many straight friends who have felt that pressure to be part of the LGBT community in order to not be shamed and on the flip side, I don't even need to tell you how hard it is still for lgbtqia people to want to hide in the closet with all the problems we still as a society have to face.

what I'm trying to say is, these are straight men and it's ok for straight men to be affectionate with their friends, I know it may still be frowned upon in some cultures but we wouldn't have am without a close bond between the lads. we wouldn't have TLSP without miles and Alex being best friends. i don't think milex is wrong, plz do what you want, draw your porn art if you want, write fics upon fics but plz just think about why this makes you so happy and understand the true consequences on what you say because you could be upsetting the gay community around you by being elated that miles can kiss his friend on the cheek. let boys love each other platonically or not, it doesn't matter. If Alex or Miles came out tomorrow, I'd support them, it's just something to think about.

Plus it's ok for teenagers and younger people to see what the boys do and want that, that's valid and I hope you have fun. There's a point where you may realise that something you said was a kid that you don't agree with and that's part of growing up, I know (hence the dnp rant). I see this now as an adult and think of that as crossing a line by prying at someone's sexuality cuz that's not mine to know and I don't know that person in real life. However if you are like a long time monkeys fan in your late 20s, early 30s, please consider what you're doing and re-evaluate what this means to you because maybe it's not just Alex and Miles that make you feel this way and that's not healthy: that's a parasocial relationship you've held for so long you don't know any different.

[acacia-may]

Have asked already? Gosh, I getting tired! 3, 55, 73 and 96 <3

Hello friend! No, you hadn't asked already, but thank you so much for this one! I'd be happy to answer these questions for you!! 🥰

3. On a scale of 1-10 how much do you enjoy incorporating romance into the average story?

In general, probably a 1 or (a very generous) 2, but I think it really depends on the story. I'll admit I will sometimes use romance as a plot device or just to make jokes and then I have a little fun with it, but I took this question to mean legitimate and serious incorporation of romance, in which case it's generally not my cup of tea and even if it's a pairing that I really like, I don't find a lot of enjoyment in it because I don't have a lot of practice writing romance and really get in my own head & worried that I'm going to mess it up. Meet-Cutes and Established Relationships are okay (because they're not super dependent on me being able to write a compelling relationship progression), but when it comes to writing characters actually falling in love or focusing on them deepening their relationship, I get really nervous because I know that's not my strength as a writer.

This is true even when I have a pairing that I made up myself. I had my sister laughing at me when for my self-indulgent birthday fic, I actually wrote our OC into the story but kept her relationship with her (eventual after a decades long slow burn) love interest platonic on purpose. My sister was editing and there's this scene where they like unintentionally brush hands and she just stops and says, "It's your birthday. You know, you can make this relationship super romantic if you want," but I was like "No. I don't think I will. I like them as friends." Cue my sister just deadpan blinking and pointing out, "You literally made her up just to eventually marry him [under these ultra-specific circumstances]" And yeah, that's technically true, but if it's up to me and what I enjoy writing, I prefer writing them as friends (with like optional, super subtle somewhat romantic undertones). I don't mind the hints at possible romantic feelings, but when it comes to anything overt, I think it stresses me out to write more than I find enjoyment in it.

But that's just me. I have nothing against romance on principle. I just don't trust myself to write it and find more enjoyment in writing even my favorite pairings as friends or in an intentionally ambiguous relationships. I have been trying to push myself to write more romance, but I don't think I'll ever consider it a strong suit of mine and I go out of my way to avoid it. In the series I mentioned above which actually does have a CC x OC pairing in it that's actually integral to the plot, the (eventual) couple didn't even officially meet until literally over 55,000 words into the story. And now they're just going to be friends for like 10 years before any dating happens. The story is just not about that. This is what I mean when I say I don't do romance lol 😅😂

But I do try my best because I want to grow as a writer. It's just when the question asks "how much do I personally enjoy writing romance," the answer is not much at all (even for an OTP or a ship I made up myself).

55. Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Yes. Too many to count 😭 In most cases, I lost momentum, changed interests, moved on from the fandom, or just couldn't figure out how to make the story work. I also tend to get distracted by other projects and ideas. I'd like to return to some of my wips someday because it bothers me to leave things unfinished (especially if part of them had been posted), but we'll see.

73. How do you visualize scenes? do you see it like a movie in your head, or do the words just flow?

Both actually, so it kind of depends. When I'm initially planning/drafting a scene, I see it like a movie (often watching the scenes from the eyes of my POV character, though occasionally watching from the outside like an actual audience). When I'm ready to start writing, I can actually see the words I want to write like I'm reading them. That's generally when I know I'm ready to sit down and get typing (because otherwise I'm just outlining or mapping out scenes in my head).

96. Romantic/social sideplots: interesting or irritating?

It really depends on the work and on why that subplot is in there, but in general my favorite kinds of romance in all of fiction have always been subplots. Honestly, I think if I listed my favorite ships of all time they were all romantic subplots in stories that were otherwise just not about that, and I really liked that because I could enjoy them without them overtaking the story and overshadowing all of the other meaningful (platonic) relationships.

But, on the flip side, I think I am very sensitive to and adverse to "romance for the sake of romance" or just when a ship is shoved into a story gratuitously without it making sense or needing to be there beyond the creators deciding "well there has to be romance somewhere." Like...no, there doesn't have to be romance in anything, ever. In fact sometimes there probably shouldn't be.

Some of my least favorite ships of all time fit in this "romance for the sake of romance" category because it just feels so forced, unnecessary, and uncomfortable to me. But to be fair there are even pairings that I genuinely like & would have even said I "ship," and I still get sour & upset when they get forced together at the end of the story just because it's the end, when I feel they're not ready and/or there wasn't proper build up. In those cases, even though I technically shipped the ship & wanted to see them together eventually, I would have preferred if they hadn't forced it and had just left the relationship open ended.

This is an extremely random example but since I just changed my profile picture to Naomi & Gabe... Elena of Avalor actually did this open-ended ship thing really well imo, and I am immensely grateful that the creators stuck to their promise not to give Elena a canonical love interest at the end since she had so much going on in her life and her story and character journey was never about that. No matter how much I (and from what I've seen, a whole lot of the fandom) want her to (eventually) end up with Mateo, it was NOT the time and this show did not play. They literally had a magical alpaca cut off Mateo's ill-timed almost love-confession at the "expected" (but objectively bad) moment, and it was AMAZING! This was hard core and has my ULTIMATE RESPECT.

So yeah...it's a very fine line between compelling & irritating and understandable & forced when it comes to romance subplots. I think when romance subplots are done well and thoughtfully they can be super compelling and interesting, but when they're done badly or are thrown in there "just because," it's honestly kind of the worst... 😝

When it comes to my own writing, if romance is going to be in there, it is probably going to be a subplot and I hope it's not too irritating lol. 😅 Even in a "romance" story, I feel like the romance is usually still a subplot because it's vying for attention with the friendship between the characters in the ship or their own personal struggles as people or (more often than not) one the character's strained/otherwise complicated relationship with their sibling(s) or family members [i.e. all my fics that have any romance for either of the Spatial Mage Brothers are also heavily focused on the brothers' relationship with each other in addition to their respective romantic ships. I just can't seem to write Finral x Finesse or Langris x Finesse or Finral x Vanessa or ect. ect. without Finral & Langris' platonic brothers' relationship being in there too, at least to some extent]. I find it hard to get into a story when the only thing in it is romance personally, so I prefer when it's a subplot or just one part of a story with multiple things going on.

[liminalweirdo]

6 / 17 / 34 for the fic writer q's! <3

Thanks for such interesting questions! <3

6. Do you have your work beta'd? How important is this to your process?

I try to have my work beta'd/edited when I can. With fanfiction it's not always possible or practical. The only beta I have atm is my husband and I write faster than he feels up to editing which it absolutely fair, so usually I post things with just my own editing.

I say that the worst writing advice anyone ever gave me (or anyone) was "you don't need an editor," and I think that's mostly true. Fanfiction is... maybe not so serious, you know? I forgive other writers their typos and mostly just gloss over them and barely notice, but I hate when I find them in my own stories haha. But if you're doing something for publication, even if it's a self-pub — if multiple people are gonna be spending money on your finished product, please please please get an editor. Just my opinion as a writer, an editor, and a bookseller for over a decade. I've seen many an awful self-pub that could have been improved so much by editing.

I think a trusted second eye can make your work better. If I can't find an editor/beta reader I'll usually write something and try to edit it myself, but even though I have experience editing professionally (i.e. for money) I am still catching and correcting at least grammatical errors in my published work even months later, which sucks for the reader (sorry!). It's harder to edit your own stuff because you know what you meant so you tend to accidentally miss errors and not catch things that don't make sense/don't line up just right plot-wise, if that makes sense.

One of the tricks I use is handwriting my story and then, when I type it up I can often flesh out the story better, but that may just be how my brain works. Idk, see if it works for you!

Also, I'm usually willing to beta people's stories if they want me to so just lmk and I'll try to help out if I feel like I'm qualified (i.e. I know your fandom, and if I have enough time).

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

I never ever had writer's block until a few years ago, which fuckkinnnggg suuuuucks. The pandemic messed me up, I guess. I think the best thing is either just sitting down and writing either a set amount of words or for a set amount of time even if I hate every moment of it and if that's too much -- because let's face it, sometimes life/shit is hard — I will ... take a break! I'll either do something totally unrelated and let my brain chill out, or I'll re-watch the movie/film/read essays or other fic etc., just to get excited about it again. This is a lot harder in small fandoms or with things that have limited source material. When that happens I read/watch/find things adjacent to it and hope to find inspiration there.

34. Five years from now, where do you see yourself as a writer?

I mean, I think and I hope I'll still be writing fanfiction. I hope that in five years things will be different with the pandemic and I'll be able to be more out in the world, actually having wider experiences again. If I ever publish anything, I think it will probably be nonfiction before it's fiction, but we'll have to see. I'd like the opportunity to write for film.

[batri-jopa]

Hello mutuals and random visitors!❤ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜

I'd like to say that as a visual artist I sometimes like to draw some stuff with undressed human bodies including arms, hands, bellies, buttocks, tights, knees, calves and sometimes even weird looking feet.

Only I do prefer to show them in action...

...for why should only writers have all the fun?🤷

Anyway, sometimes these drawings turn out good enough to share and if you'd like to check it out you can visit my another blog:

>>> @co-ma-piernik <<<

- that's where I will try and post some of my Adults-Only Stuff (e.g. searching for two pictures hinted above - you can look🔍 for keywords: unbearable and no tomorrow Unless it will get reported and hidden. But then I'll just try to post it again some other way)

.

Believe me, posting visual art like this on tmblr really is not an easy game: imagine spending one whole day drawing and then - another whole day trying to post it... AND not be hidden right away... numerous times over and over again😩 (Even though it got Community Labels! I really wonder what these are for anyway?!)

And yes, I know that the easiest way seems to be censoring my pics - but at the same time it's the very last thing I want to do!😣 Because what am I supposed to censor in the first place? What piece of your finished work's composition would you consider unimportant? Should I cut out buttocks? Blurr a hand that squeezes? Cover the belly tattoo that was placed too low?

Oh, you fic-writers have it good and you probably don't even realise your luck...😅 I wonder how many times a fic-writer gets blocked for "vulgar" content even when writing about intercourse?

And trust me, I really am not trying to make my visual art vulgar, it's just that... Well, lets say I really have seen worse things here already. Like photographs showing body parts and poses in a much more explicit way than what I want to share. And they are even tagged properly! I have no idea how they made it. Because whenever I try to tag my art the same way, so that it actually could be found - it gets found indeed and... blocked immediately🙄

So, I'm always a rebel. But I just don't like anybody (including myself) to be discriminated against for any reason. Be it nationality, age, gender, skin tone, religion, what one likes, who one loves, height, weight or kind of art. I don't understand that policy can block my visual art while written art stays free (which is absolutely great, don't get me wrong!) AND even visual art pieces are okey if they are "historical" ! (now how does this work, when those ancient pictures from India or China are 10times more explicit than my art??? I have no idea...)

If we want to share our ART, if it is not p o r n, if it hurts nobody and if it's labeled properly - we should have a right to! ✌️

[genshrineimpact]

Heeeey why don't you accept requests :( Writing request and suggestions are the same?? Theres no different imo

might count as a 'vent' for some people so just in case i'll put it under the cut!

cw: vent(-ish, though tbh all of this is /gen and /nm)

in summary: because i write for myself.

and to answer your question - no, they're not the same, from my point of view.

for example, this is what i'm doing currently if you've noticed: you might send me idea A. i might or might not agree with idea A and just leave it at that. i might get inspired from idea A and expand more upon it. i might get inspired from idea A and write another idea that isn't exactly related to idea A - maybe B, Z, or even 123. i might not get any inspiration from idea A, reply with a 'this is good i like this', and then come back the next day to refer back to idea A because suddenly my tiny writer brain manages to expand upon idea A.

this means that i have full creative freedom over what i write, and i'm not constrained to a specific bubble (prompt & time). that's why i said i won't write requests but i do take suggestions. i need people to know that there's no guarantee that what you're sending in will get a full fic or drabble or scenario or headcanon or whatever it is that you wanted to see. because ultimately i am writing for my own satisfaction.

compare that to a typical writing request blog. you send a writer idea A. if the writer is comfortable and inspired to write idea A, then they write idea A. otherwise, it sits on their draft for days, months, even years. alternatively, it gets deleted - either immediately or after some time has passed. in that case, sometimes the writer feels guilty, other times they don't, but trust me when i say the former doesn't feel good. in any case, maybe they post an announcement of cleaning their ask box, and some are unfortunate enough to receive hate saying that they're "inconsiderate" and "can't write for shit"- look, it sucks, okay. i've been there. therefore, i will confidently say this:

this blog is not and will never be a writing request blog.

i've abandoned so many of those in the past because i am tired of writing for people and not getting any feedback whatsoever compared to the effort i put on it, and dealing with the stress of having unfinished requests laying around was horrible.

at least, in this blog, i get to write what i want, when i feel like it. i don't feel like i owe anyone anything. and when a post flops, then it flops - it's sad but in the end who cares because i had a blast writing it. and if a post gets 7492849283 notes, then it puts a smile on my face, brightens my day, and i move on with my day with a little pep in my step. in the end, i still get to make fellow writer friends and kind reader friends. and while i still appreciate my followers, all the lovely tags, comments, and kind replies, and although i will occasionally crave for interactions, in the end i'll always remember that i'm doing this for my self-enjoyment.

and i think that's enough for me.

so yeah, if you're here expecting me to write your request, i'd suggest you to go to other blogs (but make sure to read their rules first before requesting!!). there are a lot of talented writers out there that writes for genshin. i'm sure one of them would be more than willing to write the content you want to consume. just please, if they do write your request, go and support them. give them a like and at a minimum a reblog. maybe even add a little comment. unlike me, you owe them that at least, since they wrote it for you.

am i saying that other writing blogs are 'doing it wrong'? definitely not, everyone has their own motivations for writing and running a blog.

does that mean i don't appreciate the reblogs and comments and asks sent to me? no, your validations are still very much appreciated and your comments puts a smile on my face.

am i selfish? yeah, probably.

fingers crossed i managed to convey what i wanted to say properly and didn't offend anyone with this slkdjfslkdjf

[redxblueihateloveyou]

YOOO!!!! You got me too interested in this one, your last video is so stunning I can't get it out of my head for some reason. Plus the actors, holy shoott I'm so inrigued. I didn't know they were in "bl-ish" suggestive stuff we love. So just wanted to ask is Lee Dong Wook's character some demon or evil ghost or smth there? And is it like VERY scary, can u give me some scale pretty pls? (I'll watch it even if I pee myself, but I just want to be prepared 😂)

LOL the end of the ask got me wheezing. yahaha Moonjo??? No, he's a very much alive human being, just a dentist and a killer lol. He's just very pale and moves smoothly haha. Tho at times there he also sometimes represents like.. the undisclosed desires of Jongwoo's heart so there's that. There was a few fics when he was a shadow monster living under his bed and other stuff like that bc he gives off that impression true, but no. Crazy human he is. Very smooth tho haha

I wanna say it's not, but it all depends on how you watch it I think. Because tbh I think it's mostly about metaphores and hidden meanings stuff and its seen that it was clearly made for those who're into all that shit (like rewatching it actually so greaaat bc its like FUCJ I HAVENT SEEN THIS AND THAT), so if you're also like that, you're probably will just find it highly entertaining. If you know what its based on and into literature or maybe writing you'll love it for sure, bc you won't take it literally, but gonna be very much into the subtext, their characters, interactions and what it leads too. But I also saw those who did watch it literally and I guess it might be scary this way.

My friend, who knows me too well recommended it to me, bc I was on my usual winter holidays social media distancing I take each year not to get to overwhelmed, bc you know I have little to none tolerence to stupidity and these days its even harder, even tiny time spent on twitter or someone sending me some posts can make my heart die a bit, so I take this break to come back all fresh and rested and continue lmao but bc of some work stuff, I was even more pissed at the time and she was like "watch this", and I was like "but u know thats not my genre" and she was like "trust me, its not that" and I always do trust her with this stuff and I was like "fiine ok ofc" haha

And as crazy as it sounds I actually found it quite soothing lol. But then again all watch everything differently, so I can't tell. But if you mean is this the kind of horror thing that leaves you with this unsettling feeling that you also like me don't like than no, its definitely not that, its like a psycological thriller thingy. And Idk it was just hella funny at times to me, bc I was watching it like "I totally felt that" haha. I think most will find lots of things quite relatable there, esp if you're somewhere around Jongwoo's age. It's more of a like gross reality representation with a good twist, when I think most will go like "yeah I get that lmao" in many situations xD Whether its work u hate, dumb ppl that annoy you or close ones who pretend like they care but don't really and are only busy with themselves, etc... (or for example, if you're an artist, but no one believes in you or takes it seriously and the only genuine support u get is from some random stranger lmao). I'd say its more of a metaphor for life in general, than a horror, so its a bit sadly.. hilarious you know. Like your gf couldn't make you feel loved, but a serial killer for a moment could.. its kinda funny. I mean technically its very sad, but also funny.

Plus we all have those moments in life when we wanna watch smth like that when you go like "yeah I thoroughly enjoyed watching him smashing dat idiot's skull, I've had a long week" or like "this dude is dumb, he'll probably go in a trash can in a minute or two" lol. I ofc got all they wanted to say with the whole thing. And in university majoring in literature we've been all over these creations it was inspired from plus its not that hard to understand, but I at the moment was like "you can totally use it as a stress relief too".

It all depends on ppl. Like while I saw some found the meat scene very disturbing, but I was just thinking about the whole meaning behind who liked it, who hated it and who hated that the other liked it the whole circle haha. Instead to me the worst part was the violation of cats, but since the mains were all about loving cats and hating human beings again I was like "my dudes" lmao.

So it all depends on you and how you see things. But honestly I don't think its scary really. Trust me, a person who hates horror films. Thats not it. Also its a kdrama, even if you're sensitive to smth, it's probably gonna be blurred haha.

It's also just fascinating to watch how different ppl watch it. So if you're gonna like it, highly recommend then watch it with someone else too. Bc for example Moonjo's life views (I'm not talking killing, but stuff like "you don't have to tolerate if someone's being an asshole to you", "I'd rather hear the truth than see u pretend", not wasting his time on talking to idiots bc they're not worth it, encoraging following your dream etc) and Jongwoo's desperately trying to get himself to not to rage each time someone was highly annoying, assholish or dumb in the worst possible way was just simply relatable and understandable to me and my sister, and my close friend here said same.

The most hilarious experience was watching it with my mom when I was with them during chrismas holidays, bc by the end realized that she was relating herself to his ex gf the most. Bc of the job situation thing. And my mom she does always talk about her job only and thinks it's more important than others jobs and she also does think that creative professions are silly. And she also found Monjoo hella scary, while we didn't lmao. So it was so funny. I was like "okay, I bet my mom is the normal one probably in this scenario".

My point is its an amazing show. It's not a horror. It's highly entertaining to watch by yourself and with someone too. It's also like... you can interpret it like in your way and see what its gonna say about you haha

Also this fandom is just the most hilarious pit of the greatest memes you can use daily lol

P.S. happy you liked the video <3 *hugs*

[mallowstep]

Let me toss you a 3, an 11, and if you don't mind, a couple outside the list: where would you put yourself on the planner to pantser spectrum? Ever had to deal with unruly characters that just refuse to play nice and throw a wrench into the whole outline?

author asks

(3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favourite scenes first? something else?

uhh i try to do front to back, but usually i start a fic with a few scenes that i'm feeling drawn to. they're not even necessarily important scenes: i just am attacked to them.

(one for ibtwicm that i can share is literally just, "You have to be clever." that's it. it's just one sentence, but it's one of my anchors for the whole fic.)

anyway i try to do front to back, but depending on the fic, i'll sometimes need to do chronological (it hasn't happened for any warriors fics, but it has happened for others). i tend to gain a lot of momentum when i write, and jumping around can break that.

(11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

akldj this is kind of a hard question to answer because i've been writing like. since i could hold a pencil. i used to have a whole shelf of notebooks going all the way back to like first grade.

specifically to since-i-started-doing-warriors-fic, i'd say i'm a lot more confident in characterization now. in that i trust myself to write interesting characters, and i don't feel like i need to justify my every decision with textual evidence.

honestly, just being more confident is a big thing for me. when i read a lot of the stuff i wrote a few years ago, i usually think, "i wish i had just pushed it farther" because i had this idea that i was just afraid to commit to.

i think my gravity falls fic ("strings") is a turning point in that, because i wasn't like. a huge gravity falls fan. i knew the core characters, but i mostly knew them through some daemon fics i really liked, not the show. and i can't page through episodes of a tv show to get an idea of characterization. so i just. had to write who i wanted them to be.

moving a bit farther back, i'm really proud of how far my dialogue-action balance has come. i've been all over the place: can't write action, can't write dialogue, can't write anything, can write both but not together, etc., and i generally enjoy character study, low dialogue, type things.

but i've noticed, since i started writing fic again, that i don't find myself saying "oh shit, too much has happened between these lines of dialogue" or "god they've been talking for ages, what were they doing again?" half as much as i used to.

planner vs pantster?

planner. i definitely am a pants-y planner, and this depends on the fic, but having a solid outline is really crucial.

like, i don't need an outline to write. the bulk of my med cat dovewing fic was written without an outline, but that was because i Knew i wouldn't post it until i finished writing it, so i could afford to jump around and tie scenes in when i realized where i wanted a plot thread to go. and i couldn't have done that if i was posting as i went, i would have needed to start with the end in mind.

and i usually leave a fair amount of space in my outlines: ibtwicm had like. three or four major plot threads unresolved in the outline until...frankly, until i wrote tallstar's chapter.

in my outline for mtbnsof, it still says that jayfeather stays in thunderclan, not alderheart. then i decided i wanted jayfeather and mothwing's background drama, and a few other reasons.

but mtbsnof also has like. an Insane amount of documentation.

ashes had a big empty hole in my outline for a really long time from...about when leafpool's litter is born to a little after where we are now. obviously i filled it, but i knew what had to happen (the warrior drama, dovekit, marigoldkit, etc.), just not how it was going to happen.

anyway, planner. that's my final answer.

unruly characters?

occasionally, but usually in minor ways. it's pretty rare, nowadays, for me to write a character and have it go off the rails.

(chapter breaks? ohh, those go off the rails a Lot. not just in terms of fics being longer than expected, but just. a chapter Demanding to include a certain scene or end a little early.)

i think the most recent instance is the ships for the three in ashes. i had a whole plan for them and then hjl said No.

also, squirrelflight having a litter in astatine was completely unplanned. i just thought it would be good tension, and it was.

but usually when something goes sideways, the events in the outline don't change, just their portrayal.

like. hm. okay, for "cardamom pods and vanilla beans," i had a scene that was initially titled "Jaywing Observation by Poppyfrost" that was supposed to be from her pov, and something about her affection for him.

but jaywing demanded that he see his girlfriend stare at him. he demanded the emotional intimacy of understanding someone so well you can process their senses.

or in "you've been on my mind, girl, since the flood," millie was supposed to be disconnected from blossomfall, like she was erasing her childhood memories to fit with her current understanding of the world.

and then i thought: actually, no, that's not what's happening, not from blossomfall's perspective. what's happening is she's living with the consequences of her decisions. like.

she "knows" it's wrong to be bitter and upset over briarlight, and she "knows" training in the dark forest was wrong, and so now: she's not the cat treating others with kindness, she's the cat leaning on others' kindness. and so her whole relationship with her mother has been flipped: she is the object of the parable, now, not the listening child.

and that's something i never would have been able to know without writing the first few scenes of ybommgstf, without getting to millie's very first line, "We become what we do," because that's not something i could put on an outline.

it didn't change anything, in terms of the outline: blossomfall's still outwardly acting the same. but my initial plan was for. a sympathetic but abrasive blossomfall. one who started in a reasonable place, but was bitter, wouldn't start the process of change.

and i think the blossomfall i wrote was. mostly the same, but now it wasn't that she wouldn't start the process of change, it was that she quite literally couldn't. i thought it was going to be a lie-she-told-herself, that she just didn't know how to change, but it ended up being very true.

anyway i've rambled on entirely too long. thanks for the qs! always fun to answer.

[one-boring-person]

Quite Some Trick.

Dwayne (The Lost Boys) x reader

Warnings: light injuries

Context: this is based off a post that @lostbetweenvampiresandmusic reblogged a few days ago, as well as being a sort of request thing for @browneyes528 , seeing as they mentioned that they would like to see a Dwayne fic about his skating, so here you go!

A/N: I did some research for this, because I'm not the most knowledgeable when it comes to skating terms and that, so I hope it's not too inaccurate.💛💛

Masterlist.

Exhilaration courses through me as I kick off the platform, allowing the skateboard below me to roll onto the sloped surface as I lean with it, keeping my balance as much as possible, gritting my teeth as I try to make myself as aerodynamic as I can in the process. My speed picks up at a high rate as the wheels carry me down the smooth decline, air rushing around me, my hair blowing out behind me from under my helmet as I hit the trough of the half-pipe, transitioning easily into another vert up the other side, my body titlting backwards as the board carries my legs upwards, though I quickly correct myself, triumph flooding me as I pop off the top. Once in the air, I grab the board in one hand and twist, managing to force myself round as the blood rushes to my head, gritting my teeth as I realise I'm too close to the deck to pull it off completely. In a split second, I've righted myself in time to hit the vert again, absorbing the impact by bending my knees a little, feeling a little disappointed as I control the descent, and corresponding ascent again, briefly grabbing the board as I lift off the top again, not getting enough air to do anything properly, before returning to the pipe again, halting on the opposite deck.

Chewing my lip, I try to catch my breath, leaning my skateboard against my leg as I lean back against the railing, waiting my turn again as the other skaters move up into line, a guy on skates taking my place at the front. In my head, I evaluate the trick and where it went wrong, knowing it's all down to height and velocity, deciding on what to do next time round, pulling my gloves on further as I make it known I'm in line. As I wait, I look around the skatepark, marvelling at some of the other tricks being pulled off everywhere, wincing as I see someone bail out of a 180 and land on their back, the impact looking painful despite that fact that they instantly stand and get back on their board. Oddly, I find my eyes drawn to them, their long dark hair unkempt as they skate back up to a deck a little way away, the skater turning so that I can see his face.

Somehow, his dark eyes find mine, an eyebrow raising as I feel my jaw drop: he's stunning. His skin is a warmer tanned colour, his toned chest bare beneath the leather jacket he's wearing, his muscles tensing whenever he pushes off, my eyes following his every movement. He's a very proficient skater, despite his fall a couple of minutes ago, the tricks he's pulling off putting some of the veteran skaters around here to shame in their fluidity, the sight of him skating around the skatepark mesmerising to watch, so much so that I nearly miss my turn.

Rolling my shoulders, I tear my eyes away from the dark-haired skater, balancing on my board briefly as I eye the half-pipe ahead of me, trying to spot any snakes or other lines. Upon finding none, I kick off, being sure to give myself as much power as I can as I speed down the slope, crouching slightly. This time round, I move with the board as it enters the climb, giving myself much more air when I pop off the top, allowing me time to grab the board and completely invert myself I start to drop again. Using my momentum, I pull the board around, my body righting itself again in time to hit the ramp again, triumph and pride flaring up in me as I realise I've just pulled off the trick I've been working on for hours. Unfortunately, this means I'm too distracted to notice I've gone over the top of the opposite side, the board flying away from my feet as I fall backwards, brief dread replacing the triumph as I allow myself to crash back to earth. Pain erupts in my back as I connect, harshly, with the concrete, my helmet and elbow pads cracking violently against the hard surface before I lie still, not trusting myself to get up, even though I know I should move, aware that I'm obstructing another skater.

In my haze, I barely register that someone is offering me their hand until they lean down slightly, face coming into view - the brunette from earlier. Eyes widening in embarrassment, I shoot him a small, grateful smile and take his proffered hands allowing him to pull me to my feet again, catching me when I stumble forwards a bit, still a little disorientated, my face bright red as I search for my board, only to find it lying few metres away, beside the skater's one.

"Thank you." I mumble out, picking my way over to my board, still mortified that he saw me fall like that, especially after finally managing to pull off a 360.

"No problem. That was quite some trick you just did." He compliments, smiling at me as he follows, checking me over for any serious injuries; thankfully there are none, but my cocyx and back will be sore for days maybe weeks, though my pride will recover much more quickly, especially after remembering that my saviour fell earlier on.

"You think so?" I question, surprised at his words.

"Yeah, it looked really smooth. You done it before?" He confirms, offering his hand again after a second, this time for me to shake, "I'm Dwayne by the way."

Gingerly, I take it, his skin icy underneath my bare fingertips, the frigidity seeping in through the fabric of my gloves.

"I'm (Y/n), nice to meet you. That was my first time actually managing to get the full way round. I messed up the ending, though, so it wasn't that much of a success."

"Ah, well, these things take practice. I can help you out if you want?" He offers, lifting an eyebrow in questioning.

"Are you sure? I'm nowhere near as good as you, I'd just be annoying to have around." I muse, recalling the elegant ease in which he skates, as if he's had decades of practice, even though he only looks twenty or younger.

"Of course! I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it. And I've seen you skate, you're not half as bad as you make yourself out to be." He confirms, smiling at me as we seat ourselves on the edge of one of the sections of the large bowl, having checked for other skaters before doing so.

"You think so?"

"I do."

"Well, thank you, I guess. I'll take you up on the offer, if you don't mind. I've been trying to get that trick for months." I agree, smiling back at him, realising I'm enjoying his company.

"I look forward to it, but first I think you should rest a bit, especially after your fall." Dwayne advises, gesturing to the rapidly forming bruises on my elbows.

"Yeah, I guess I should." I agree, inspecting the ugly purple marks, "Wanna get something to eat? I think I'm done here for today."

"Sure, let's go." The brunette accepts, climbing to his feet before helping me up again, the two of us swiftly skating from the skatepark. My pace is slower than normal, but I manage to keep up with the taller skater anyhow, the two if us continuing to talk as we go, pulling up in front of a stall selling food just a little way away from the Boardwalk. We order some chips and water, heading over to the wall separating the beach and the pavement in order to sit and eat, the two of us content to just chew our food in companipnable silence. As we finish, we start up the conversation again.

"So how long have you been skating for?" Dwayne inquires, looking over at me curiously.

"A few years now. My parents never really liked the idea of me doing it, so it took some time to convince them." I inform him, picking at the hem of my shorts a little.

"Why?"

"Well, they thought I should do a "real" sport, you know? Apparently skating is not good enough for them."

"They should watch you sometime, they'd change their minds immediately." Dwayne shrugs, my eyes straying to his bare chest as I notice his toned muscles moving under the tanned skin.

"I doubt I could get them anywhere near a skateboard, let alone a skatepark." I chuckle bitterly, sighing in frustration at the thought of my parents and their old-fashioned views, "How about you? How long have you been skating?"

Oddly, he looks a little hesitant to reply, seemingly considering his answer in his head before giving it.

"Since I first laid eyes on a board, I guess. I fell in love with the idea." He finally says, running a finger over the line of his board with a proud smile on his face, "I've had this board ever since I started."

"You've never broken a board?! How?!" I exclaim, recalling the three times I've snapped a board in half after going over a ramp too quickly, or by trying to skate down a flight of steps.

"I don't known I guess I'm just too careful." He laughs, looking over at me again.

Behind us, a few shouts of his name draw our attention, the skater's shoulders visibly sagging as he spots someone in the crowd, my own eyes swiftly finding them.

"You know them?" I ask him carefully, wary of offending him or his group of biker friends, the platinum blonde clearly eyeing me up from across the Boardwalk.

"Yeah, they're my brothers. I've gotta go, but I'll see you at the skatepark again tomorrow? At eight?" He affirms, looking slightly frustrated.

"Sure, I'll be there. It was nice meeting you, Dwayne."

'It was nice meeting you, too." He responds, smiling at me as he gets up, skating away from me with a quick goodbye, a small feeling of excitement rising in me at the thought of seeing him again. Before he leaves earshot, however, I call out his name, making him turn around.

"Thanks for not laughing at me when I fell!" I shout to him, grinning at the brunette.

"Only an idiot would!" He responds, waving once more as he returns to his brothers.

Twisting back around, I continue to smile to myself as I go over the last hour or so, glad to have made a new friend, even if I did gain an injury in the process.

[sunshinetoshi]

hand over your human rights.

ok let's start from the very beginning. i was writing iwa angst. i lost motivation. opened tumblr to gather some motivation. scrolled and pt 5 was the second post on my dash. the way i screeched pls. i read till the part where oikawa asked if they can get back together. i cried. left to shower. cried in shower for like 20 minutes before going to play genshin. i came back. read it all over again and i'm crying while writing this.

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL LET ME INHALE AMAYA I'VE NEVER READ SOMETHING SO PAINFUL YET SO AMAZING

i'd be lying if i said i hoped for a happy ending 🧍‍♀️but the ending you gave? that was realistic. i think a realistic ending is better than a happy ending. i've read a lot of cheating fics, trust me as an angst lover, no fics deliver angst the way cheating ones do. and when i read the part where oikawa asked for another chance? i knew where it was going

hate me for saying this but my mind really went "not this shit again." because i know how it goes in stories. they ask for another chance, the reader knows they're still in love, yada yada and they're back as if nothing happened. i don't hate that, but if it were me, i won't get back to someone who cheated on me.

but then i read the part where the reader tells about their insecurities. the ones questioning the probability that oikawa won't cheat again while in Argentina. anD LET ME TELL YOU THE WAY I GASPED AND THEN A REALLY BIG SMILE TOOK OVER MY FACE LIKE— you never fail to surprise me, amaya :>

those words, about insecurities and not cheating again, those are the only thing on ones mind when someone who cheated on them asks them to get back together. i know that's not easy to say, it can either lead to a healthy conversation or build even higher walls but i love how to decided to put it in the story and give it an ending that seemed realistic. remember the other ask i sent you about it? the one where you said that you try to put yourself in that situation? it's hard to do that, specially when you're writing angst.

and i really see that you wrote this whole fic from yours and the readers' perspective and not just for the happy or the sad endings. when i say i relate to every word you wrote, i mean it. no one cheated on me, of course, but those are some words that come to my mind if someone who cheated on me asked me to get back together with them

oKAY ENOUGH WITH THE EMOTIONAL THINGS, THIS ASK IS GETTING VERY VERY LONG I'M SORRY. I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT IT WAS WORTH ALL THE WAIT. FOUR MONTHS, I GUESS? I REMEMBER YOU POSTING THE FOURTH PART AROUND THE TIME I JOINED TUMBLR LOL GOD I AVOIDED THE FIC FOR SO LONG BECAUSE I KNEW IT WON'T END WELL. I HATE MYSELF FOR THAT >///<

overall, i loved it. i'll read it again, i just know i would because it's really amazing. i think this gives you enough reasons for why i look up to you. you're just amazing. aND WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT THIS FIC IS GIVING ME IDEAS FOR AN OIKAWA SMAU 💀

anyway, i hope you're doing well. those 5.1k words were some of the best i've ever read and i love them a lot. please take care of yourself, stay hydrated, give yourself a treat because you did great. i love you <3

i s w e a r if tumblr ate this 🗡

if t*mblr ate this amazing message before i was able to respond i'd fight em 🤺🤺 ajdghss

okay wait i will treasure this ask forever and ever i'm screaming!! fr when i read this my smile kept growing and growing and i was near tears bc of this (also you made me want to REREAD my own work even tho i JUST proofread it and posted it HAHAHA the power you hold). but wow this whole ask has my heart so so much

i saw you posted the iwa angst!! it's saved to my drafts and i'm excited to read it!! and PLS not me making you cry oh no. free hugs for the tears i made you shed ahh </33

i'm so happy to hear your thoughts on this omg!! i think the whole 'if it were me, i wouldn't go back if they cheated' is really the struggle that was on my mind from the second i started this entire series. i kept going back and forth but i know i personally wouldn't or couldn't go back if someone did that to me. at the same time i struggled between a happy or sad ending so i kept going back and forth until i eventually realized that just like how the reader had to stick to their beliefs i felt i needed to do the same. that's why i really really appreciate that this shone through to you wow my heart.

honestly i think the part with the insecurities was one of my favorites especially in contrast to the things they miss and how much they still wanted to be with him idk something about it made me tear up while writing akhdjshdhd. i cried a lot writing this series tbh EYE-

i really wanted to get at the struggle of a real cheating situation even if i too have never been cheated on lmao so being able to convey this even a little is really making my heart do cartwheels oooo

wait don't apologize for the length i loved this so so much. IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT?? seriously such a high compliment wahh. dont worry i would've done the same like i love angst but sometimes my heart cant handle it

you're just so sweet oh my goodness thank you so much for your words. i am blown away by the support you give me. AND AN OIKAWA SMAU?? INSPIRED BY MY FIC?? i am ascending 😩😩 if you do decide to work on this i will be a puddle of tears on the floor and will support the heck out of it. pls just you mentioning that is an honor but no pressure to do it bb you write what you want to heheh <33

that last paragraph is just so nice i can't do this 💓💓 tysm bb ily

[kimikotsuki]

Fandom discourse and culture has changed a lot over the years and I always try to err on the side of caution whenever possible.

The reasons writers create and share their work are varied and diverse: maybe they're trying to improve their writing and welcome advice, sometimes it's all about the ~ S Q U E E ~ because you loved the show/character and wants them in more situations, sometimes the reason is the ~ R A G E ~ about the direction canon took and you plan to murder it and use it's blood to re-write the story; this is more an illustrative than exhaustive list and sometimes there'll even be multiple reasons at once of course.

And sometimes, those reasons do not match or go well with any type of criticism, even well intentioned, constructive ones.

I saw an post on Tumblr that ilustrated very well another reason why one shouldn't simply assume that con-crit is welcome: if you go watch an amateur performance (in the most literal sense of the word of non-remunarated, regardless of quality of performance), one won't immediately presume afterwards to go to the artist and start critiquing it.

At the same time, I wholeheartedly think that one of the most wonderful, unique possibilities of fandom is the capacity for collaborative work between the authors of a story that is being posted as it's written and it's readers, culminating in an end product with quality that ends up being more refined than otherwise it would've been.

That type of interaction is even sometimes one of the main reasons people write fics, to not only create something, but also to share the act of that creation.

That works almost like making all the readers of a fic into beta-readers and can be a wonderful thing, but the post argued that the work done by betas is analogous to editing in published works, and that such a relationship is based on built trust, so while yeah, that dynamic between writer and all their readers could work, assuming and simply barging in is generally more harmful than productive.

When I adopted that new reasoning, I debated whether or not I should then mark all my bookmarks on AO3 as Private and make them inaccessible to anyone else, but in the end opted not to, mainly because even though I mainly write them for my future self, I also feel other readers can benefit a lot from knowing how the experience of someone who liked a work enough to rec it went, specially if while reading that fic they stumbled upon things they didn't like.

If there's one thing I learned from over 15 years of reading fics is that my tastes change over the years, and sometimes it's not even about the quality of the writing itself or even the progression of how polemic subjects are treated at any given time, but rather the moment that I am in changes how I receive the same work, such that tagging a certain work as one worth reading again later with no contextual information on the vibe I was riding when I did that will inevitably lead to a disappointment that is frankly an overreaction on my part.

That happened somewhat recently with a Frostiron fic I read a long time ago, in a moment where I was squeeing like crazy over the pairing (and it was a work of squee, so we matched really well) and it got on my list, but years later, when I was feeling nostalgic over the pairing and went to read my list of besties, the expectation I had was so great that the dichotomy between my experience back then and the one in the re-read were terribly big, even though it was a well written fic, squee and all, and the only real difference was that *I* wasn't squeeing over the pairing anymore.

And at the same time, I found that, in a way, this managing of expectations I do primarily for myself when I create a rec with the bad points of a fic that I loved can also be helpful for others, because even if it doesn't fit 100% since we're different people, I always thought the best recs I've always found were the ones that stated what were the cons of any given story, because those cons might not be something that bothered me like it bothered them or it even might end up being somewhat bothersome to me, but the pros outweigh them and, because I went in expecting to find those things, there's no disappointment in it, so they end up bothering me a lot less then it could've.

The other reason I eventually settled on not making my bookmarks private was actually because of those authors that seek improvement and welcome constructive criticism from all the readers who are invested in their story and value their thoughts and experiences while reading their work, because while yes, better to err on the side of caution and not go offering advice and opinions were those are not wanted, if we let that completely rule everything we do in fandom there will be a lot of loss in regards of this constructive, dynamic and interactive aspect so characteristic and wonderful to this type of media.

I know authors can have access to the bookmarks made of their fics, but unlike comments, it's not quite a space exclusively dedicated to them or even for interactions between reader/author.

In a lot of aspects, I'd even go as far as saying it's a space primarily for readers: it's not something that will culminate in a email sent to the author's mailbox, it serves mostly for filtering and ordering purposes (like when you're looking for fics to read and apply a filter to show only fics with a certain number of bookmarks or to order the fics shown from the greater to the least number of bookmarks) and also so readers can, reading these bookmarks, have a better idea on what's to expect from a work from different readers with different personalities and world views and ways to pereceive what was written.

And since it's a space the author *can* have access to *if* they want, it's possible for them to look at that place to see that con-crit while, at the same time, not being a place where that con-crit will get shoved in their faces if they *don't want it* and as such it seemed to me to be an overall respectfull and good compromise between those two points that seemed very important to me, and one of the only way I've found of making it known if that type of interaction is welcome, I'd be happy to head over to their comments and talk there.

If I'm marking it as a rec and commenting, I'm doing it because I think that fic absolutely is one of the best stories that I had the pleasure to read; however, the number of characters allowed in a bookmark rec are limited, so if I end up putting into it anything besides an incoherent keyboard smash, those things are going to be whatever points I feel are very important to keep in mind whenever starting to read it so that reading experience is the most enjoyable possible both for my future self who's going to look at that besties list and decide on what to read again as well as first time readers who might have seen the rec and will go in knowing somethings that, by their nature, don't tend to be things we tag for; they will have mostly what amounts to con-crit, so if you welcome this type of interaction or if the rec I made is bothering you in anyway, I urge you to get in contact with me through the fic mail I linked in my AO3 profile.

This post is getting linked there because the profile section doesn't allow enough characters for everything that I had to say about the subject.

As soon as I see the email, I'll either be happy to either tag the bookmark as Private so it won't be visible to anyone but myself if it bothered you or head over to your comments section so we can talk better about the points I raised if this type of interaction is something you welcome.

[spicy-dunkaroo]

Life Update!

Heyo everyone!! Feels like it's been ages since I last made a post on tumblr and I hate that so much because I've really missed writing stories and sharing them on here.

Saying that- I have been working a bit behind the scenes, finally starting to work on one of the many stories I let sit in my drafts for waaaay too long. Based off of what I've written so far I wanted to say I think my Fatgum x reader I have might be a bit longer than I was anticipating- like it may be two, three, or maybe even five parts (depending on how I decide to split it since I've been going a bit ham on it lmao).

With that being said, I also wanted to update those of you who have been following one of my other works like Taking Power Back or Stuck by Your Side. At the moment I don't see myself posting any second parts to either one. Not yet at least.

See originally I wanted to have the former be just a oneshot that would help me expand the different genres I wrote for as well as help me improve my skill. There is a very small chance I will continue with the storyline of Taking Power Back, though I may use the same characters in other stories if not writing whole new characters and stories for a prompt idea I've been dying to write for. That was kinda the point for it being a oneshot after all.

As for Stuck by Your Side, I honestly am at a bit of a writers block with that story at the moment and I hate it because I feel like I was a different person when I wrote part one to that story. I'm hoping to get back on that story sometime this week though I can't guarantee when I'll be releasing the second part until I do so because honestly I don't know myself.

I hope you all understand as college has been kicking my ass haha. I still love writing and drawing and making content for mha and just in general but I just had to take a breather in order to focus on other things happening personally, nothing bad anymore so pls don't worry about me. I promise I'll be making my comeback as soon as I get the chance to- I'm not sure how but I've literally been typing like a madman on two stories, one I'm not too sure I'll be releasing just yet since it's a self indulgent type of fic but the other I have plans on releasing once I figure out just how long this may be- trust me I wanna release it now but I'd hate to throw it out where it is right now.

Thank you all again and I can't wait to jump back into the writing pool to entertain you all as I hopefully have been before.

TL;DR College is hard :/ and I took a break but I have some stuff in the works I hope to release in this next month!!!