#i'd just paid off my credit card and everything

[fuck-nonsense]

.

[rekino2114]

Going Christmas shopping with Cassidy amber

Holiday post #6

Pairing:Cassidy amber x gn reader

A/n:Am I doing this just because p:e.g. chapter 1 comes out tomorrow, and I really hope Cassidy doesn't die.....yes, definitely, PLEASE don't die my comunist gamer

You and Cassidy made your way inside the giant shopping mall you were planning to shop in, you two took a moment to take in the Christmas decorations and lighting

"Woooh finally, ok we're here"

She took off her hat and scraped some snow off of it

"I told you you should have worn warmer clothes, you thought only your hat would protect you from the cold?"

"Yeah, it's especially made to protect my head from the cold"

"And the other parts of your body?"

She dismissively waved her hand at you while looking at the other side

"Details,Details, besides, I'm not gonna catch a cold just because of a little bit of snow, I'm not that weak"

"Whatever you say"

"Anyway, now the fun can truly start, where do you wanna go first?"

"Is that even a question?"

"I know, I just wanted to say this together"

"Alright then"

"THE VIDEO GAME SECTION!"

You two fist bumped each other and started to walk hand-in-hand to the game section

"OK so what do you want to get?"

"I'm fine with whatever game you want, though I'd prefer a multi-player one so we can play together"

"You read my mind, though why do we have to limit each other to one game, it's the holiday season so we should get gifts right?"

"Oh yeah, I should probably get you one too"

"Nah, that's not what I meant"

She pulled out a credit card from out of her wallet and gave it to you

"My gift is gonna be to get you a gift, go nuts, take all the games you want"

"Oh no please I can't accept that"

"Come on we've been through this a gazillion times, streamer and tournament money is pretty good, even when you give part of it to charity, so I can not not spoil you, plus you're gonna buy more games with the money which is gonna make me more money with the streams, it's an infinite money glitch!"

"I......guess, don't think I'm not gonna buy games that you like though"

"Dude, I like every game you literally couldn't buy a game I don't like even if you wanted to"

"Eh,that's true"

You went and brought every interesting game you saw while asking Cassidy her opinion on them, she basically told you she liked everything which didn't help your objective to spend as less money as possible but she really didn't care about that

"OK what's next on the list?"

"Christmas decorations!"

"Sounds good"

You went to the check out and decorations and brought some that you thought would look good in your house, you then spotted a Christmas hat and held it out to your girlfriend

"you wanna wear this?"

"No, I've already got my hat and I'm not taking it off"

"Who said you had to take it off?"

You then put the Santa hat on top of her own hat, she looked at it and then gasped

"That's an amazing idea babe, it'a double hat! This has gotta double my stats and I'm gonna be in the Christmas spirit"

You giggled at her as you two hugged for a moment

"OK so now what's next?"

"Let's see, we brought games, decorations, sweaters, and cookies, I think we're done"

"OK, let's go then"

You two went to pay and it turned out that the cashier was a "comrade" of Cassidy's so he gave you a discount in exchange for a selfie.

"Wait let me hold the bags"

"Hm? Why?"

"I wanna do something since you paid and also your hands look like they're about to freeze, put them in your pockets"

"I think I have a better idea"

She gave you one of the bags as the held the other ones in her hand, she then reached her now empty hand to yours, wrapping it around your arm and pulling you closer to her

"Don't you know teamwork is the basis of every duo? Both for co-op gaming and for the power couple we are, plus now we have warm hands! Both of us! Isn't that just great?"

You laughed together and got even closer, warming each other up

"Yeah it is, so what do you wanna do for Christmas?"

"Oh, I wanted to do a special stream. It's gonna be like 12 hours long, and we're gonna be playing games and raising money. It's gonna be so epic"

"That does sound epic"

"And don't think you can skip it, we're gonna be playing together ok?"

"Don't worry, I wouldn't miss streaming with you for anything in the world"

[therealslimshakespeare]

dunno how busy you are with writing atm, but i'd love more sub elvis-- any flavor. maybe big daddy, because sub bog daddy e is soooo rare and i feel like you would do it so well 🩵

maybe Sub Big Daddy they say oh so casually, not knowing I have something already begun in drafts and my mind lives there! Oh I can cook this up for you, 100% yes. It’s happening.

I’m going to make it a reader insert but I think I’ll piggy back off a “old flame” sorta story so he’s truly comfortable and who better than the gal from Sweet like Cinnamon? Except it’ll be reader but…reader will be Susie, if that makes sense. No need to read that if you haven’t before but it’s the most subby thing I’ve got so far and it’s, well, quite subby.

Would you like a sneak peek at the draft?

:

“Come on down to Las Vegas, baby, come sort me out.” he had begged and now you were strutting through the back halls of the international, your bag politely carried by Sonny and your tremendously large purse clutched in your hand, and in it the most scandalous of gifts. Or toys. Or a gesture of your esteem and belief in his willpower.

It was hard to think of gifts that a man who has everything would find worthwhile or satisfying. You flattered yourself with thoughts of your successes over the years, the elephant tusk handled pistol and the illuminated Bible that was one of a kind from your trip to Armenia. He’d lit up like a kid at each of these and poured over them for hours.

They were, after all, original thoughts, first and foremost, and secondly, gifts not paid by his own credit card.

Just like this one.

High off catching the last hour of his first show of the night, you clip clopped over tile and chatted with Sonny about life since the Hollywood days, touring Vietnam to cheer the troops and life as a thirty year old female with no kids to show for it. Altogether you were decidedly happy, and being married was part of that and no amount of small talk was going to get Sonny any closer to this intricacies of a liberal marriage that allowed you to show up when Elvis Presley occasionally deigned to beg for you to sort him.

———————————————

“Your boys tell me you’re in a slump? judging by that performance out there I’d say they’re blind as bats. Or maybe…there’s a different sorta performance suffering, hmm?”

[dollsonmain]

After me saying "Been crunching numbers, looking at rent, looking at mortgages, looking at our current monthly expenses and I'd need to earn about $24/hr full time just to be able to afford to pay rent/mortgage, bills, owning a car, and food with nothing left. NO BODY'S PAYING THAT MUCH." on facebook, one of my old high school friends tried to encourage me by saying that I'd qualify for programs like SNAP and might qualify for Section8 housing and if I'm earning $15/hr and work 40 hrs a week no, I wouldn't.

In my state:

LIHTC cutoff is $14k/year

SNAP is $19,578

Section 8 housing cutoff is $29,150 for one person and $33,300 for two, and we'd have 2 adults being myself and my son. I don't know if Son will be able to work since he does have some trouble with being interrupted or being told to do something he doesn't want to do, but a the same time I don't know if he'll qualify for disability due to autism because he's low support needs. The single apartment complex that accepts Section 8 is for elders and full, anyway.

Despite being too much to qualify for assistance, it's still not enough to survive on because our current expenses wouldn't change much considering That Guy doesn't eat at home mostly (he barely eats at all, really) so the grocery bill is mostly Son and me, and has no creative hobbies that cost money outside of the occasional pricey LEGO set and a $60 video game lasts him a few months so I picked an average for the credit card bill:

Mortgage: $2000/mo (1 bedroom apartment rent averages $1500/mo while the least expensive house on the market right now says to expect to pay $2k)

Water: $60

Power: $130

Internet: $90

Phone: $170

Propane: $280

He pays for everything like car-gas, groceries, toiletries, all my pony salon supplies, etc. on his credit card and that averages $1700/mo.

Our car is paid off so we don't have car payments but I would have car payments. No idea how much that would be.

That doesn't include the auto insurance because he pays that direct-pay with the bank, which is $78/mo for 3 drivers on a single sedan.

$54,096/year. He does NOT pay for my dolls other than the occasional cheap playline doll.

What of that could we do without?

We don't go on day trips, go on vacation, buy new clothes when our clothes wear out and if we do it's thrifted or from the discount store (like Goodwill, TJMaxx, Marshall's, or Gabe's), don't go to the salon or barber, eat Taco Bell once a week for $25 and rarely go anywhere else, I don't get my nails done, do them myself, or wear makeup which is a huge expense, don't buy expensive electronics or home theater equipment, don't buy home decor, don't pay for repairs, have low-end cheap computers, wait for our phones to no longer be supported before upgrading, wait for ANYTHING to break before replacing it...

[mamamittens]

Well, here I am, a fool. Hoping to simulate a Regular Work Day on my last day of vacay.

Was fun while it lasted, so relieving to have fuck all to worry about for several days on end. I didn't do... Quite as much as I daydreamed (meant to finish cleaning up my closet but oh well).

So! Here's what I DID DO!

Ran the Spooktober Event Opening! One day left to slip in before I close my ask box until they're all taken care of!

Cleaned and reorganized my room, it's SO refreshing and shocking how one bookcase moved makes my room feel so much more open and nice.

Completed two Spooktober fics and scheduled them for posting! With unique artwork! (Results may vary across the event)

I have one surprise ask to essentially translate into a small blurb for my ease of reference and put up a title/summary for and they're all prepped (still one day left but that's still 5 already done so that I could, in theory, sit down and smash them out whenever).

Slept A LOT!

Gave Nikia a neat little spooky design for the holiday and put her up as my avatar! Love how it came out!

Played most of Echoes of Memories (tried not to just blaze through it, I still wanted to make progress for the event lol)

Had a long, invigorating think about world building for Nikia's story and it was wonderfully spooky! Could bust out another one but considering how long the smut is y'all will hear a LOT more about her soon enough lol

Speaking of which, I'm FINALLY posting a smut for Nikia! With Izou and Thatch at that!

And most importantly I did SO MUCH RELAXING

I'm tired, sure, but it's not nearly as bone tired as before. Very refreshing, which is great because shits going to suck ass at work soon enough.

Hopefully things work out a little better in terms of finances (got a lot of big purchases I need to make for my computer, Christmas, and eventually replacing appliances, as well as my credit card RIP), and remain fairly positive.

Ah, less awesome things I need to sort out.

Getting a GP (general practitioner, basically a doctor) and start testing for possible inherited illness. Mainly Hashimotos and Sjogerns. Not world ending but definitely not something I wanna have sneak up on me later. Very strongly possible I have either one, unfortunately. Will probably have my brother help cause he's a case worker and there's genuinely So FUCKING MANY HOSPITALS UP HERE I wouldn't know where tf to start with that.

Also need to schedule an optometrist appointment finally. Keep putting it off. Will probably do it after I post for this Saturday after I'm paid just in case insurance is a bitch lol

And I unfortunately didn't blaze through all the asks, but given the first one is over 5K and Nikia's was... Over 8K (oof, I tried to trim but having it between three people needed a bit of set up and... Yeah lol, it just ended up that long) I doubt I'd have been able to even if I had everything set up from the first day of vacation. In terms of where y'all should expect word count, I tend to do about 5K for smuts in events. Which with Maximum Focus can be achieved in about 6 hours... Maybe more. I get distracted not even going to lie. So don't expect them to be super long, but I have yet to write an event piece drastically shorter than the others so there's that.

Ah... I guess that's about it for all that. I hope you all like your pieces and that I manage to get them done quickly 😅

[curlyhairedprince]

this is not supposed to me mean but how do you afford all those Harry shows especially also with the days of??

this is tbh probably not a standard at all but the basics is I work a full time job that pays pretty well, it's nothing extraordinary but i'd say it's maybe a BIT above average of what people at my age in my field make but yeah. Had that job for over a year now and I pay my rent my bills my food everything myself, so there's no magic behind that. Except that I just dont spend a lot of money on things other than concerts and traveling, like I'm not huge into clothes or whatever. I think a huge thing for me is that I am just located very conveniently in central Europe, I really cant complain, like I added the Werchter show just yesterday and the transportation to get there is no more than 50 euros. BUT of course saving money also means I make a lot of sacrifices when it comes to transportation times, like overnight busses and trains (over 12 hours of traveling) are my best friends on this tour and that's just something I have to accept. This also factors in in the work thing, I have 28 paid days off a year and I can also take my overtime off, so currently I have like 50 hours overtime which are roughly 6 more days off, but you also have to consider those didnt just get gifted to me, I actually worked those 50 plus hours. Also I work remotely, so like yes I am doing all 4 Wembley shows but I'm also probably not gonna see much of London cause I am working every day until 4pm and then going to the show, so I dont have to take days off for that but I am also accepting that I'll not see much of the city. So there is always a sacrifice to be made, which I am more than happy to do and you will never see me complain but I know it just looks so easy or people just think my parents are rich or I am in credit card debt or something (which i am definitely not, that's a line I would never ever cross) and at the end of the day it's just a lot of planning. Also with like all the shows he's doing in Germany it's just so convenient for us because we don't need a single accommodation there because there's always someone living kinda nearby where we can sleep. (aka driving like more than 2 hours after each show). It's just compromises I'm willing to make. ALSO I have the best people to do this with and that's always the most important thing for me personally.

[holestodegrade]

The parcel will be delivered by men in grey suits who will arrive in a grey van labelled "DP Farm Services LLC". The men (and of course it will be men) will drop off a large cardboard box. Packing list: - (A): 1 locking collar with matching close-fitting eyeless hood - (A*): Inside, please find a pair of inductively charged ear buds. Once securely in place, these will temporarily fuse to the ears. - (B): 1 neck corset, locks securely to A - (C): 1 rigid dental gag, with fixtures for A and B - (D): 1 posture harness (compare to a corset in the style of B, with rigid attachment points for A -(D*): note the modular removing panels, which allow portions to be exposed or covered as needed. - (E): 1 reinforced leather/composite arm sheath, to be attached to the rear of D - (F): 2 ball mittons, which lock and affix to E. - (G): 2 stochastic/intermittent reinforcement nipple entertainments with optional suction, vibration, shock, and rapid heading attachments. - (H): 1 hypodermic (please confirm your account is associated with the indicated credit card nearing default before injection) This assortment does not include the optional long term air/gas, hydration/intoxication, or other long term care and transport features. The default audio loop has been queued within the earbuds to enhance the subject's calm. The subject will carefully read the instructions, and confirm the contents are complete prior to putting them on. If there are any problems, you will be contacted shortly. Please apply the earbuds to continue with audio instructions. (Caution: language skills may temporarily become unavailable. You are strongly encouraged to follow along with the herd on this one.) Please note: Other farmers in your area may wish to contact you to subcontract services. As long as they have the DP logo, you are hereby instructed to give every attention to possibly-legitimate instructions they may have.

Pulling open the packet I read everything twice, three times before trying to decide what to do. I'd paid the non refundable fee, but if I chose not to go through with it I could just throw away what had been delivered.

The mask was latex cow print, holes for my nostrils and septum ring to poke through as well as an open area for my mouth. The straps on the side could link with the gag and the posture collar provided. The bell on the collar clanked loudly as I held it, fingers going over the large fastening on the back.

The posture harness had the same cowprint on every panel, clearly able to expose whatever part of my body was required at that moment. The rest of me would be left naked, stripped and waiting for someone to arrive and put me back into the box and deliver me to my new location.

With a deep breath I put the posture collar on, feeling the click of the fastening and the bell hit the top of my chest. I followed it with my posture harness, feeling how I could no longer move my torso separately but had to all together. My udders pushed forward, a groan leaving my lips as I attached the nipple adornments.

It didn't take long for me to hold the mask in my hands and take one final deep breath before slipping it on and feeling the earbuds fuse against me. Before I could let myself get distracted by the low noises I forced the gag into my mouth, immediately feeling it fill with drool as humiliation pulsed through me and made my cunt throb.

The final step was picking up the needle and plunging it into my thigh while depressing the plunger. I pulled it out and laid down while the drugs inside began to work, finally letting the voices in my ears take over.

Moooooooooooooooo

[braveclementine]

Chapter 14

Warnings: 18+ readers only, None

Copyright: I do not own any Marvel characters or locations. However, I do own my OC: Elizabeth Y/L/N (created so you don't get Y/N and Y/S/N consistently mixed up. I do not condone any copying of this.

ELIZABETH WAS DISGUSTED WITH THE LACK of food in the tower.

Actually, let's rephrase that.

Elizabeth was disgusted with the lack of good food in the tower.

There were boxes and boxes of poptarts and mac and cheese, ramen, hostess pastries, and carton orange juice. But there was a lack of fresh fruit, eggs, and milk.

She slammed the refrigerator door closed in disgust. "Does nobody eat properly in this tower?"

"No, they really don't." The female Irish AI that she'd forgotten the name of answered her. "They mostly run on caffeine and sugar. I'd say last night was the first real meal they've had in months."

Elizabeth nearly shuddered. "Great, so grocery shopping first thing. Where do I do that?"

"There's a H market down the street, but if you would prefer real food, there is an Amish kitchen about fifteen minutes from here." The AI answered.

"Thank you. . . what was your name again?" Elizabeth asked.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y." F.R.I.D.A.Y. answered.

"Right, thank you F.R.I.D.A.Y." Elizabeth said gratefully. She thought about writing out a list of what she needed, but taking a look around, it looked like they needed everything.

"You're welcome. Also, Mr. Stark has a card for you in your room that you can use to buy groceries, clothing, and accessories with." F.R.I.D.A.Y. said. "You may use this if you need to or want to."

"A card?" Elizabeth asked curiously as she headed back to the elevator and up to her room to grab a jacket.

"A credit card. It has unlimited payments on it." F.R.I.D.A.Y. replied.

"Oh." Elizabeth replied. She knew, of course, what a credit card was, but had never used one. Where she had lived, you either paid in cash, or you traded in food depending on who you were dealing with. "I don't think I need it."

She made a mental note to take it along just in case, however.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y., do you have map directions of how to get to this Amish market?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yes. I just printed them out. They'll be in the main room downstairs before you leave the tower." F.R.I.D.A.Y. replied. "Mr. Stark left the card in the top drawer of the bedside table."

"Thanks a lot." Elizabeth said. "I don't know if you do this sort of thing, but if anyone is wondering where I am, can you just tell them where I went?"

"Of course. Have a pleasant shopping trip." the AI responded.

"Well," Elizabeth muttered. "That might've been the nicest conversation I've had with anyone since I've gotten here."

She shrugged on a black leather jacket to combat the northern fall weather. It would not have been nearly this cold on the farm. She grabbed her purse, checking to make sure that she had at least $400 on her before she also grabbed the card, putting it in the bottom of her purse.

She headed downstairs, finding the printed instructions in the printer, still warm. And then she headed outside into the weather.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

YOU MANAGED TO MAKE YOUR WAY DOWN to the kitchen, your legs and thighs still sore from last nights exercises. You had woken up in only Bucky's embrace and you knew both Steve and Sam had taken off on their run.

Hogun was down in the kitchen already with Loki, Nat, and Wanda. Vision was there as well, though he was in the room conjoined to the kitchen since he didn't eat. No one else was around. You suspected Tony and Bruce were in the lab, Clint was most likely still sleeping, and Stephen was either at the Sanctorum or in the library.

You had no idea where Rhodey, your sister, or Thor was.

"Morning," you yawned, heading over to the cupboards and opening them up. Careful not to touch any of the poptarts posted with sticky notes that said 'Thor's tarts of pop', you grabbed the strawberry poptarts and sat down with them.

"Morning." Nat yawned. "Why are we up early again?"

"Fury wants to meet Elizabeth to do an analysis of whether or not she's allowed to be around the team." Loki rolled his eyes. "Wanda has the analysis for her already. She's fine. Your sister has nothing to worry about."

"I didn't think she did." You shrugged. "The only thing dangerous about her are her conspiracy theories."

Nat laughed but Hogun looked confused. "It's a joke." You reassured him.

"When is Fury showing up?" Bucky grumbled as he came into the kitchen. He poured the coffee into a cup, grabbing the creamer and putting as much as possible in. He stirred it with a spoon before sitting at the table, eyes half-glazed with sleep.

"In an hour or two." Wanda replied softly.

"You know how he is." Nat said, waving a knife with grape jelly around on it before she put it down on her toast. Of course, because it was Natasha, it wasn't a normal butter knife, but a throwing dagger. And she was using it to jelly her toast. . . "He shows up whenever he wants and we better not be busy when he does."

"Tony, Bruce, and Stephen better drag themselves from their hidey holes to meet him." Loki grumbled. "Or they'll get into trouble again."

"Tony doesn't care. Neither does Stephen." You replied. "Bruce will definitely be there though. But Tony, well you know he doesn't care what Fury says one way or another. Stephen isn't under Fury's league."

"True." Nat replied. "But in this case, Tony and Stephen are Elizabeth's soulmates so they have to be there."

Hogun cut glaring eyes at Bucky when Nat said this and then changed his expression over mildly and replied. "I guess the soldiers don't have to be there?"

Bucky narrowed his eyes at Hogun now. "What's that supposed to mean?"

You could feel the tension between them on the air. It was a static, electric charge and you were sure that they were going to leap for each others throats. Wanda leaned forward a little, feeding off the energy while Nat simply rolled her eyes and continued to eat her toast like there wasn't a fight brewing a few feet away from her. Loki checked his nails uncaringly.

"Nothing." Hogun said mildly. "Just that you and Rogers clearly haven't even touched her, much less decided to accept her. The bond has even emptied yet between the two of you."

Bucky was clearly agitated but said nothing, glaring at his coffee instead. Hogun huffed.

"I would like to announce that Mr. Fury will be arriving in T-minus 45 minutes." F.R.I.D.A.Y. suddenly announced from the ceiling.

"Fantastic." You said cheerfully, mostly to disperse the tension, clapping your hands together once.

"You're excited to see him?" Loki asked with a raised eyebrow.

You laughed. "He almost likes me."

"Almost." Nat replied with a smirk.

"Anyways, where is Elizabeth? She should be done here soon in order to meet him." Loki said.

"Miss Y/L/N actually left the Tower about an hour ago in order to do some grocery shopping." F.R.I.D.A.Y. replied just as Tony, Stephen, Bruce, Rhodey, and Thor all walked into the kitchen.

"Grocery shopping, why?" Tony asked.

"She said, and I will quote 'There is no good food in this place.'" F.R.I.D.A.Y. sounded almost amused. "So she asked me for a map to the Amish store and left to do some shopping."

"Wait. You let a girl whose never been to any city before in her entire life, go out by herself? Did she even bring a phone with her?" You asked, freaking out. It would be just fantastic if Elizabeth went out and got herself kidnapped because she thought the city was just like the farm.

"No. She did not bring her phone with her. Does she have a phone?" F.R.I.D.A.Y. sounded genuinely interested.

"Yes!" You exclaimed. The idiot! Of course she didn't bring her phone with her! She never brought her phone with her anywhere! She always left it in her bedroom. "Did anyone go with her?"

"Nope." F.R.I.D.A.Y. said. "She was completely and utterly alone."

At this point, you were pretty sure she was mocking you.

"Well, this is fantastic." Tony replied sarcastically. "F.R.I.D.A.Y., can you please run facial recognition-"

At that moment, the elevator doors opened and everyone looked over to see a pink cheeked Elizabeth walk out, laden down with grocery bags. Next to her, carrying the other half of the bags was Sam. Both of them were talking in rapid fire conversation so that neither of them even notice that you were all staring. An annoyed looking Steve walked out after them, hands in his pockets.

"Morning." Elizabeth said cheerfully as you all just stared at the bags that were thrown on the counters and tables.

"Jeez, what all did you buy?" You asked, riffling through the bags.

"Fruits, vegetables, eggs, cheese, fresh meat, lots of spices, actual real milk. Basically everything you guys didn't have." Elizabeth replied. Hogun got up to help put everything away as well and you and Wanda pitched in as well.

"Anyhow." Elizabeth said. "Who hasn't eaten yet? I'll make eggs, bacon, and sausage."

Basically everyone raised their hands.

About fifteen or twenty minutes later, everyone had what seemed like a hotel breakfast meal in front of them, steaming hot and smelled delicious. Holy shit, why had you moved away from the farm?

"By the way," You said, deciding it would be best if you warned Elizabeth ahead of time. "Nick Fury is coming to meet you."

To Elizabeth's credit, she didn't spit her food out. She did choke on it though. "W-what?!"

"To analyze you." Steve replied without looking up from his plate. You frowned a little. It was weird that neither he nor Bucky seemed rather inclined to meet your sister. You would have thought they'd be ecstatic, her life views were more in line with theirs than yours was. Or at least, the views they had when they were growing up in the 40s.

Christian, Patriotic, the no sex before marriage bit.

You wondered why they weren't accepting her. You'd have to talk to them later. They might be your soulmates, but she was your sister.

"Mr. Fury is here Mr. Stark." F.R.I.D.A.Y. said.

"Send him up to this floor F.R.I.D.A.Y." Tony said.

A moment later, a somewhat familiar dark skinned man wearing all black with an eyepatch across his eye and a pistol in his holster came through the doors. He raised a singular eyebrow when he took in the sight.

"Since when do you guys eat breakfast?" He asked.

"Since Elizabeth moved in." Clint said, stuffing another sausage in his mouth. "Want some?"

Fury gave a thoughtful look and gave a shrug motion with his head and shoulder. Elizabeth rose and Fury watched as she danced to the stove and put a plate together for him.

"Well?" Fury asked as he sat down, looking towards Wanda and Loki.

"I like her." Loki and Wanda said together.

Elizabeth blushed slightly.

And that was all the confirmation that Fury needed before he dug into his meal. He didn't stay with us long, mostly conversing with Elizabeth. He did seem to like her, at least as much as he had liked you, and everything was left on a good note when he was gone.

Now that everyone had relaxed, you could finally ask Elizabeth's thoughts on the entire place. She was in conversation with Hogun who seemed just a little upset. "I just wish I'd known. . . if something had happened to you-"

"But why would something have happened to me?" Elizabeth asked in genuine confusion. "I just went down the block to get groceries."

You got up, sitting down next to her, "So Elizabeth, what do you think of the tower?"

"I like it." Elizabeth said quietly. "It's. . . different though."

"Yeah, it really is. I like it better though." You admitted. "I love everything about the city. I can't wait to introduce you to Ivy and Kaylee. I think you'll really like them."

Elizabeth nodded. "Yeah, that'd be cool. Whenever they want to meet me."

"Great!" Natasha said, joining in. "And we can all go shopping together!"

"For what?" Elizabeth asked with a slight confused frown.

"Clothes of course!" Nat exclaimed.

Elizabeth actually looked down at her clothes- the standard flannel shirt with blue jeans and cowboy boots- and then looked at Hogun. He just shrugged.

"You'll love it." You promised.

"If you say so." Elizabeth said.

"Can I come with you guys?" Sam asked with a grin.

"Of cou-"

"Absolutely not." Natasha exclaimed over Elizabeth. "it's a girls night out for a reason."

"If I change my name to Samantha, then can I come?" Sam asked.

"No." Nat rolled his eyes. "How are we supposed to spend a majority of our time in the dressing rooms if you're there?"

Elizabeth paled. "Hours? For clothes?"

"Dearest sister," You teased, "No offense, but you have no sense of style. You'll see. Once we find your style, it'll go quickly."

Elizabeth looked so lost. Even back home, you had gone out with friends nearly an hour away to the city mall. But nope, not your sister.

Elizabeth looked at Hogun again, this time for help. Hogun just gave her a sheepish look. He couldn't help her here.

"Make sure to take my card." Tony said, barely looking up from his project. You were surprised he hadn't headed back down to his lab.

"Well duh, what else would I use?" Nat teased, "Wanda want to come?"

"Clothes shopping? No thanks." Wanda said. Then she paused, "Well actually, yes I will come to act as a buffer between Elizabeth and your craziness."

"I'm not that bad." Nat said grinning.

"Yes, you are." Clint and Wanda said at the same time.

Elizabeth smiled a little. "Um, Tony?"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"You have a pool?"

"Yeah." Tony said with a grin as he looked up. "You want to visit it?"

"Yes, please?"

"Come on." Tony said, standing up. Elizabeth hurried after him.

"I'll come too." Sam said, shooting to his feet, running after them as they stepped into the elevator.

Hogun smiled, standing up to go over and talk to Thor.

"Hey Buck, can I talk to you?" You asked softly.

"Yeah." Bucky said, looking surprised. "Like in private?"

"It shouldn't take long." You said gently.

"Yeah, lead the way."

The two of you headed over to the kitchen and you sat down on one of the chairs. It seemed like such an awkward question to breach. But you had to. Just rip the band aid off Y/N, you thought.

Bucky leaned forward, nuzzling into you. "So, was this private talking a meaning for something else."

You allowed yourself to get distracted for a moment, kissing Bucky passionately. But before the two of you could get to carried away, you pulled back and attempted to focus. "I actually did have a real question."

"Ask away doll."

You looked into his eyes and then said. "Elizabeth. . ."

⬅️➡️

[regular-lord-reckoner]

you know when you have a bad day but you tell yourself, "well, maybe tomorrow will be better, it has to be, right?" so you even go to bed early just to get to that better day and then it gets here and it's actually worse ?! like ten times worse ?? lol

yeah, it's been one of those

i guess my iud's still working itself out because i'm having yet another two week long sorta period where i'm not bleeding as much but i'm getting pretty much everything else, which means two weeks of pmdd now and two weeks of on and off extreme irritability and just being generally over-stimulated as fuck

this week in particular has been really hard to get through and there's like ten million things about work right now specifically that are pissing me off, but namely it's being behind on a task i'm supposed to share with someone else who i know for a fact is sending my mom tiktok videos all throughout the work day so ti's like, hey, that's awesome !! i'm no longer allowed to get overtime which is fucking killing me because i "stole company time" but i guess if you do it on site nobody cares !!! cool cool cool.

also fascinating to me that i apparently never made up for the time i "stole" when i was working off the clock and yet this particular task was never in the goddamn 300 and 400s like my inbox is every day but hey, that's fine. those are just sick patients waiting for visits, who cares ?! and who cares if you've told your manager more than once that nobody apparently knows how to mark asap and stat tasks so you often find a bunch of them just....sitting there, a week old or longer, because they're mixed in with all the regulars !! awesome, awesome, awesome

meanwhile i've been trying to find other jobs/second jobs whenever i have a spare moment except the other day it's like every job website wasn't cooperating or their search results are so scrambled by ai that you have to sift through every listing by hand because no amount of choosing "remote only" or "entry level only" does a damn thing

i did apply to one and got a little into the process but had to take a 30 minute long test that i didn't do so good on so i got rejected and then there was this other one that i thought sounded great but they want me to film myself answering interview questions ???? i just....i don't feel comfortable with that, i'd rather they just schedule me for an interview and then i can hop on camera but....alright

i'm sure something will turn up eventually and god i hope soon because i am.....struggling right now (i fucked up paying one of my credit cards and paid the wrong one instead so now i'm in trouble with discover and have to set up a payment plan with them to get back on track and it's like twice the amount of money i was already giving them a month so that's super duper; also one of my medical bills i could have sworn i had a payment plan set up with and they would just automatically take the payment out but they sent me a statement the other day saying i have a new due date and i should probably just call them and sort if out but it's been too much to deal with at the moment !! thankfully i have a little in my hsa so i figure even if i'm only making small payments at least i'm doing something; i really don't want to get turned over to collections or fuck up my credit any more than i already have. but hopefully i'll find either a better paying job or a second job i can squeeze in and take some of the pressure off. fingers crossed and good vibes appreciated and all that)

anyway, that was yesterday and then today it's been my mom. she's been...struggling pretty bad today. since before noon and pretty much all day long.

i don't really want to get into it because it involves some of her personal stuff and it's just been a lot today, but i feel so fucking drained

i think she's got an appointment coming up with a therapist, i really hope she follows through with it. if not i'm not sure what's going to happen, but i don't think it's going to be good if things continue on like this.

i know ultimately that's out of my hands but it still sucks. it sucks to watch everyone you love self-destruct in front of you and there not being a goddamn thing you can do about it except just hope they pull out of it or y'know....go to therapy

not saying it's a perfect solution or a quick fix and lord knows i'm overdue for an appointment but that'll have to wait as well until i can get my financial shit together because i've decided i do at least want to pay her back. i know it's been a while and i probably could have done it sooner if i'd just prioritized better, but i think it's the right thing to do. she did help me a lot and i appreciate that.

i also appreciate my mom, i know i'm hard on her sometimes, and my dad, but i do love them both and am grateful for them. i just wish they would both heal, not even for my sake at this point but for their own.

i was inevitably impacted by their lack of healing despite their love and i've had to sit with that for a while now. and sure, there's some part of me that does want to just say well fuck them for not being perfect parents to me and my sister and making us both have to learn how to self-soothe (clearly not well) and for forcing us to have to learn emotional intelligence on our own (also not well) but another part of me is like....hey, the shit they've been through is obviously difficult to deal with, especially for two people who came from times and place where that's just not how you handle things, you develop a sense of humor about it and keep pushing and you bring kids into this world and try to do a little better.

and they did, but....some things did kinda miss the mark. me being me, though, i just figured if nobody was going to teach me i'd try to teach myself and even if i don't get it perfect i at least try to minimize the impact i have on others

it's why i don't have many friends, it's why i'm a bit of a hermit these days and it's why i don't date

is that healthy?

no, probably not and again is something i should probably work on in therapy but in the mean time i am trying to make peace with myself and with the things i can't change and just....do whatever i need to in order to be well, even if that means i have to be even more selfish than i already am, it's either that or....i dunno. i definitely won't be the best version of myself and i don't want that.

i do want a better day tomorrow, though.

i hope i'll have one.

and i hope soon things get a little easier, somehow, some way.

sometimes i get the impressive there's this idea of me that my life's gotten better but it hasn't really, i've just tried to have a better attitude

i often hear chloe price in my head saying, "ever since my dad died my life's been dipped in shit" and that feels......pretty accurate

i'm just trying to find the good parts in between all the shit but every fucking day has been a struggle and it feels sometimes like i'm going to be stuck in this hole for the rest of my life

i really hope i get out some day

and i really hope tomorrow's a better day

and if you're reading this and it's also been a bad day or week or month or year(s) i hope it gets better for you soon, too

i know there's an ebb and a flow to all of this, ups and downs but it's felt pretty down for....years now and i'm just hoping for a chance to get my head from under the water, even if it's easier to scream down here

anyway, i'm gonna go watch something to turn my brain off and probably call it another early night

g'night <3

[fantasticcloudcreation]

Processing: thoughts & feelings

I just spent the night hanging out with all my cousins and now I'm all wound up and idk how to decompress this energy I feel like I need to run laps around the house and scream a lil bit

I love my cousins and I wish I lived closer so I could spend more time with them

I just got in bed and my legs are doing that natural casual thigh gap and I love it so much

Thinking about what's coming next (TX gig and then either FL or Colorado /something familar and predictable or something new and different???? how to decide?) -> ((Apply for the CO position and see if they get back to you before you start making plans for it)) ... Thinking about arranging an Airbnb for TX and all of that; $1.7k on the credit card from the past couple months, yikes, wasn't expecting it to be that high but also kinda spending willy nilly and not paying attention; grateful that I have money in the bank to cover it but sad to see that number in the bank drop so low all at once lol but grateful that the next gig will replenish it plus double maybe; if I take the next 3 gigs with this company I'll for sure end up with an extra $5k by the end of it, not sure how many hours the CO gig would provide and idk if they do overtime or any of that, but it would be a new experience gaining new skills and working in a new environment, what's more valuable, straight dollars in the bank or life experience on top of maybe less dollars but still getting paid + housing etc ? Thinking about, I'd spend the whole winter with D, last time we worked together it didn't really go well but we've both grown and changed since then, but have I really changed that much ? ; vs my next chance to see L would be the FL gig if I take it; plus my mom lives in FL so I was planning to visit her between gigs, vs being in CO from Oct - March basically. Wondering if the van can even handle the mountains + winter environment; (gotta take it to the mechanic before driving to TX and I should've called last week but I didn't and now I'm gonna be stressed about it next week) (its gonna be fine it's all working out) ... Give it time to unravel and see what feels right. If CO has less hours of work, that's more hours to go out snowboarding haha. Alternatively, should I just work all winter in jobs I know are going to pay me well, and take more time off next year having fun ?? (No bc I know this job is gonna pay me and if I have the opportunity to make a bunch of money for the next couple months shouldn't I take advantage of that?) Idk. Let it simmer, see how the path unfolds.

Relax. Breathe. I'm here right now, I'm spending time with my family, I have options. So grateful to be here and now !!!!!!!

I can hear the waves and feel the salty humid breeze through my open window; the bugs and frogs are chirping, the air is calm. I love my life. Soon I'll be in Texas and everything will be different. (3 weeks before I get there, going camping with D in New York first, visiting my brother and grandparents after, then casually meandering halfway across the country). Same gig as last year but different circumstances; nice to have a bit of familiarity plus a bit of change, keeps things interesting, who knows how it's gonna go :)

Might go smoke some actual bud so I can relax and go to sleep lol it's 1am and we gotta be back over there at like 10 am for breakfast; I love my family I'm so glad I'm in town for this gathering bc it sounds like I might not be here for thanksgiving and that's usually the only time I get to see them throughout the year; I guess I could make more effort at other times of the year... Idk. Breathe, relax. I'm glad to be here. Life is so good.

Thinking about: I gotta call R and talk about our relationship bc I'm not being fair to him and it's weighing on the back of my mind. Thinking about: I only want polyamorous relationships going forward and I need to be more clear about that before I let a man get so attached. Thinking about, wanting to call M and talk to him for some reason... Thinking about, if I end up taking the Miami gig in December I need to go reconnect with his mom lmfao. Thinking about: I'm so god damn grateful for my fucking family bro like that is so uncommon and I don't even know how to express my gratitude that every single one of my family members is an A+ standup human!!!! I love them so much!!!!! It's beautiful and amazing and my life would be so different if I didn't have so many amazing wonderful individuals making up this weird crazy web of love and connection!!!! Thinking about, yeah I want a partner eventually but I'm also grateful for this journey being single floating around following all my whims and desires. Thinking about how small and confined my life felt 4 years ago and how wide open it is today. Thinking about M talking about depression on his ig story earlier today, thinking about reaching out to him soon and checking in, wishing I could go visit and reconnect but I feel like that would be weird but I really wanna sit down and talk about life all night and I really wanna see the cat again... But I don't really wanna go to NYC lmfao so idk.

Thinking about the Airbnb for ACL and getting to connect with new friends if we can get it to work out.

I keep hitting the nicotine vape and it's 1am and maybe I should smoke weed and put the phone down and sleep lol. Sit outside and listen to bugs and feel the breeze and let my brain slow down. Tomorrow is another day with the family, all week really; one day at a time. Relax & breathe :) life is good and it's unfolding and right now I'm here and in another week I'll be somewhere else.

[casspurrjoybell-20]

Fools - Chapter 2 - Part 1

BOOK ONE: The 'Fools Fall in Love' Trilogy

*Warning - Adult Content*

Noah Wright

The first day of school was always ass but it was my senior year, so maybe it won't be too bad.

I just had to get through this year and I could finally leave this shit hole town.

I'd move to Chicago to be closer to my brother and get my own apartment and leave everything and everyone behind in this shit suburb but that's just a fantasy.

But who would take care of my dad?

I sighed as I already felt irritated at the inevitability that I'll live here for the rest of my life.

I put my toothbrush back in it's holder and spit the remaining paste out of my mouth.

Turning on the faucet, I cup my hand and use it to gather the Sulfur smelling water to rinse my mouth out before wiping my face dry with the towel that's probably past ready to be washed.

Walking out into the quaint living room, I almost curse under my breath when I see my dad awake.

"Hey, dad."

"Noah," he spoke my name in a raspy, disgruntled tone as he stood up, almost toppling over in the process.

Still drunk from last night, I presumed.

"Hey," he stepped close to me, a hand on my shoulder and his potent, dad breath, reeking of alcohol, fanned my face as he asked me...

"I'm a little late on the bills, spent too much last night at Devin's," he chuckled even though it wasn't even remotely humorous.

So that's why I had a cold shower this morning.

Devin's was the infamous bar where my dad spent most of his evenings and then came stumbling home roughly past one AM.

It was conveniently two blocks down the road.

"Mind helpin' your old man out? Just two-forty."

Great, I had just saved up enough money for a new battery for my shit-box of a car.

I tried not to sigh too disappointedly.

"Sure, dad."

I fished out my wallet.

"Ah. I meant three-forty," my father adds, when I began pulling out cash.

My dad doesn't believe in credit cards, said some shit about the government tracking them, so cash it was.

'Dammit, you lying bastard.'

I knew the extra hundred was going into his pocket, not for any bills but I didn't feel like getting hit that day, so I handed him three hundred and forty dollars anyway.

"Thanks, kid. So, uh, when you startin' school?" he asked me, his hand tightened on my shoulder.

I stepped out of his touch, hiking my backpack higher onto my shoulder.

"Today. I'll see you later."

I walked out of the house before he could ask me for any more money.

Not that I had any more money after he cleaned my wallet.

I sat in the front seat of my car, took a deep breath, then slammed my hands into my steering wheel but I really want to punch something instead.

I reversed and headed to my girlfriend, Kaitlyn's house.

I already knew this year was going to suck, just like every year.

********

"I'm sorry, Noah," Kaitlyn said as we walked down the hallway before first period.

I had told her what happened this morning with my dad.

She's the only one I talked about my dad with.

Her usual response to anything shitty my dad did was.

'I'm sorry, Noah'.

I wished she'd be a little more comforting.

"I'll just take more shifts," I said, shrugging.

I worked at Subway and it was absolute dog shit to work there but I worked with a good friend of mine, Jason, so he made it better.

Plus, I actually got paid a decent amount for working fast food.

"Maybe I can help you out, you know my dad will..."

"No," I shut her offer down before she could even complete it.

"I don't need your money," I snapped.

Kaitlyn sighed.

"Noah..." but I wasn't able to find out the rest of my girlfriend's sentence, when someone bumps into my chest, catching me off guard.

Not only did the person bump into me but their iced coffee did as well.

My hands are flung up in the air at the splash of cold liquid on me.

I heard Kaitlyn gasp beside me, her hand going to her mouth.

All the while, the dumbass that ran into me, stepped back with a horrid look on their face and exclaimed in panic.

"Oh my goodness. I am so sorry."

"What the actual fuck?" I yelled, glaring at him.

He was a good five or so inches shorter than me and I hoped looking down at him with my sharp expression made him scared but, he looked more frantic than scared as he started to ramble out a useless apology.

"It was an accident. I tripped because of my stupid new shoes," he was patting my soaking wet shirt as if that would help dry me off.

I was so fucking bewildered and fuming, I felt like punching him but I couldn't get suspended again.

"I was trying to see which classes I had and I wasn't looking and..."

"Clearly," I said through clenched teeth and shoved his hands off of me.

"Noah, it was an accident, relax," Kaitlyn said seeming appalled by my harsh tone.

Was she fucking kidding me?

"Says the one who didn't get coffee splashed on them."

"I'm so sorry," he apologized again.

I really did contemplate hitting him but then I felt Kaitlyn rub my arm and I remembered to take a deep breath.

"Watch where you're going next time," I warned him then bumped his shoulder before walking away.

I knew my first day was going to be shit.

I couldn't once get a fucking break.

I was still fuming when we got to Kaitlyn's first class of the day, she faced me.

"Noah," she rubs both of my arms.

"It's not the end of the world, okay? Chill out. Go to my locker, I have your hoodie in there, okay?"

My clenched fists unfolded.

"Yeah, okay. Whatever," I muttered.

My girlfriend gives me a soft, reassuring smile before kissing me and heading to class.

I never wanted to see that dumb, fuck-head again but of course, I did.

Later during Lunch period, my obnoxious friend, Emily invited him to sit with us.

Supposedly, Sam Moretti, which is the coffee-spilling dumbass' name, has an older sister, Haven who already became friends with Emily.

So yeah, I had to sit with Sam at my lunch table and to top it off, I had last period with him.

[ambiguous321]

AITA

Am I (27f) the asshole for taking everything from the apartment I shared with my ex (28m) for 2 years. For context, my ex and I were together for almost 3 years. We had a good relationship but the past 6 months he was pulling away. We went on a trip to see my family at Thanksgiving and got into an argument about possibly moving out of state. When we got home, we had a conversation about our differing views, me wanting to move and him wanting to either stay or only move closer to his family. We settled our differences and applied to a house out of state. We had the green light to get through all the paperwork and right before closing the lender came back and said due to changes in my credit we would either have to put a larger down-payment or they couldn't approve us. We backed out because we couldn't afford to put a larger down-payment at the time. We continued living where we were at and I worked 3 jobs to pay down credit cards and my car loan. He got a second job for a couple months to afford getting a PS5. I was able to pay off my car loan and got my credit cards paid down significantly but we had booked a vacation out of state and because I had put every cent I earned to bills and paying off my car loan and credit cards I hadn't been able to save for the vacation. So I had to use my credit cards I just paid down to cover it. The plan was after we got back from vacation, I would move in with a friend in the state we tried to buy the house in to get an established job there as my job wouldn't transfer and his would. The entire vacation he hid in the bedroom, or played on his laptop. He barely spoke with me and only came out of the room for food and prearranged outings. When we got home, I hurried and grabbed a some things that were not already packed for my move to my friends house. I was upset with how he acted on vacation so before I left, I only gave him a kiss on the cheek and not one on the lips. The whole next month he gave me the silent treatment. I drove to see him twice and he would barely speak to me. Finally after visiting again and seeing family, he finally texted me that he wanted to break up. I didn't feel like fighting and arguing after almost 2 months of silent treatment so I just agreed and said I'd get a storage unit and get my stuff from the apartment. Now for the part that I may be an asshole for... all the furniture in that apartment is either mine or given to me from friends. And the gaming PC he has I purchased for him for our last anniversary, and all the tvs and both A/Cs are mine. Basically when I go to get my stuff, if I took everything that was mine or given to me he would be left with very little except his own clothes, a PS5, a 32 inch TV, and some dishes. The beds are mine and my friend's, the couch is my friend's, the chairs and dressers were given to me by my parents. So would I be the asshole for taking basically everything from the apartment?

[onlythreelines]

Better giving than receiving

I really like having sex with Carrie. I could just lay with her on weekends and relax. At the same time, I've been watching more investment banking videos and it's been making me realize that I still might want to do it. I didn't even know that as a managing director, I'd have to fork over some of my income for private country club memberships to just network for sourcing deals. One thing that worries me about doing product management is that it'll be replaced by AGI, but who knows. All I know is that I'm going to do cyber or infantry for the marines that way I can set myself up for the future. I still am glad that I am doing the Marines, and was proud of myself for being able to do a sub 18 minute three mile. I just need to buy my pull up bar for my place, and start getting to 24 for my pull ups, and up to 3:45 for my plank. I'm excited for what the future holds, and really want to do everything I can in order to get that Pinterest board to come true. After I'm done traveling to Austin, I'm going to make it an effort for the following:

Save for Carl and Clyde's surgery

Start putting payments for my student loan

Get hair loss removal treatments

Pay off my credit cards

Start saving for UHaul Move and storage

Get everything sorted out for Carl and Clyde's stay

Save enough for my car/insurance and student loans to be paid for while I'm at OCS/training

That's really it. Maybe I save enough to go for Christmas over to ATX, and maybe see Kavon and go to Austin? We'll see, but I need to prioritize myself for right now and everything I need to take care of and get my shit in order.

[cesium-sheep]

the kirby dr moricky pillow in beige (the color I wanted cuz it has the drawing I didn't get on the mat I will eventually hang up or the storage case) is on sale for $10 rn. but I've already got 3 multi week purchases in the queue and buying that still sets everything back by another week even if I'm lucky and shipping is cheap. (preorder a lauraillustrates tapestry blanket ($140), buy the princess peach game ($67), buy The Rug for soon-to-be-just-my room ($300).) I got paid extra for the unicorn but that only means I can get the blanket first instead of having to push it to the very end of the preorder window.

decisions are hard and $40 a week is very very small even when someone else is taking care of the bills. (once my credit card is paid off I can raise my allowance because I actually get allotted now $300/mo but I put everything above the current allowance rate to the credit card, but that's still got $1330 left on it even with matt helping me out last week. originally once arin finally started getting paid in 2022 I negotiated $250/mo to cover 5 weeks of allowance (for the months that have 5 mondays), plus a minimum card payment of $50, but months that don't have 5 mondays I'd put the extra $40 on it too more often than not. and sometimes scraping some out of personal savings if it seems unlikely to be immediately necessary. (plus for a while the minimum payment was actually $60 but it's not like she was available for further negotiations.) mom's still a co-signer on that card and I really just need it fucking gone already, but it took a lot of hits getting through the past couple years.)

theoretically my disability compensation appeal is still in the queue somewhere. I'm sure they'll email me in a couple weeks with my quarterly reassurance that it is. maybe I'll be really, incredibly fortunate, and it'll get scheduled for after the immunologist tells me about a powerhouse treatment that'll turn my bones to dust but let me fucking live again, but before the treatment actually takes effect, so I'm still as pathetic as possible for the hearing but not quite so fuckin defeated. (as if I have been truly no-silver-linings fortunate even one time in this whole fucking travesty.)

[odannygirl7]

the cleaning guy started getting really squirrelly...

like right away he started talking about how there was so much stuff and it was such a mess and there were chemicals and half full paint cans and he wasn't even done with the garage and already filled a 25yd dumpster and he'd have to get more and it's going to cost more and it's an enormous job and how it's two feet deep in every room. And I saw pictures and yeah it was a mess but this was high key whining about a job he didn't have to take, very weird vibes. I even asked the lawyer to make sure they actually waked him through to begin with because he seemed so shocked and overwhelmed.

And honestly I thought he'd charge maybe a few hundred dollars more and I was willing to do that, because I'm a push over. But when he finished he sent me an invoice for $2000 over what he said it would cost and I was like "umm, no", like I didn't tell him I told the lawyer, because she recommended him and now I don't know what to do. He sent the invoice Sunday, he already agreed to not getting paid until I sell the house so there's no rush, and then I kinda checked out yesterday, cause it was my birthday and all he was going to do was drop some stuff off at the ups store and return the key to the lawyer and I'd already had everything in place for the ups store with a credit card and everything.

Before he gave me the invoice he also started going on about how he had a friend who maybe wanted to buy the house and wanted to know how much I wanted and I was like I'm just looking at offers now, but I've looked into the prices of similar house around and he's like well I buy and flip houses too and the market is really bad and I have a house in another town with two acers that I haven't been able to sell and I'm like ok, cause wow combined with the previous complaining this is not the way to go about a business transaction with someone you don't know at all.

So yesterday he freaked out on me, texted a bunch of times like 'did you get the invoice I sent stuff to ups did you get the invoice ?????????? I'm taking the invoice to the lawyer since you're not responding' and then calling me like five times.

And I do not respond to stuff like that, like I'm pretty bad about responding at the best time, I know it's an issue for me, but demanding and frantic actions like that? Nope. This wasn't like a week later this was not even a day. So I had let the lawyer know about the invoice increase and when she emailed me back I told her about the freak out and how she should have a copy of the invoice and the key cause he was supposed to return it already and she emailed be back and she has to talk to the main lawyer cause he never showed up, never delivered the invoice like the said, never returned the key, said he'd be there Monday, then said he'd be there today, still hasn't shown up.

So now I'm like yikes, so sorry this is a mess.

I also told her that I would not be responding to him because I wasn't comfortable with how he's been acting and that I'm fine with paying the top end of what he quoted but with everything going on I don't think I should pay more.

And tbh the money isn't an issue, I'm not happy about it, but like if he had either been upfront about a possibility of charging more or if he had expressed any kind of like apologizing about it now costing more instead of "this is awful and so much and such a huge job it's going to cost this much more is that okay" because no way did I think it'd be also twice the price. Like he either doesn't know how to do his job well enough to estimate or he made a bad call or he outright lied to me to get the job but I don't like any of those options combined with the very bizarre attitude and vibes and stuff.

[lunaprincipessa]

ENTRY FORTY

I was thinking a lot about my overspending. It's been happening a lot lately, both before and after the holiday season, so no placing blame there. So what is it with this lately?

Thankfully, I've just been eating into my weekly budget instead of my savings... but if I'm being completely honest here, digging into savings for nothing else other than unnecessary shopping has happened multiple times before. I need to have better control over it!

How do I achieve that? The initial step is figuring out where the overspending comes from, or what causes it. The foundation, the core!

I did some soul-searching and online researching. Ended up finding some things that I resonated with and wanted to explore them a little more here.

The first thing I came across talked about emotional impulse spending, which is exactly what it sounds like. Impulse spending triggered by emotion(s) like anxiety or depression. Looking into myself, my habits, and my motivations, it does seem that I am 10x more likely to overspend when I am going through some kind of emotional turmoil. When life is peaceful, I gather, I collect, and I save. Easy. Simple. It's the emotion that complicates everything!

I wondered why I was turning to things in those moments, especially since I'm not really what one would consider "materialistic." It's because people have hurt me with unreliability and/or cruelty. Things just decorate my home and give me something nice to look at. I'd prefer to buy myself something than to reach out to someone that may make the pain worse; I've grown rather tired of that, happens far too often.

Next, I found out about people who lack financial literacy. Financial literacy is the ability to effectively manage and make informed decisions about personal finances, including budgeting, saving, and investing. I may be a person who lacks financial literacy. I hate having to own up to that but there is no improvement without accountability, is there? The definition of financial literacy also states that there is a possession of skills, knowledge, and behaviors that enable individuals to manage their finances effectively. *sigh* Note to self, this is not for guilt but for change! I know the basics of course, but I also know I need to face the reality of lacking adequate financial literacy.

There's been no social pressure or having to "keep up appearances." The lack of a healthy self-image doesn't come from my finances, I know that is a definite fact. No blindness to inflation either. I am well aware that existence is just too damn expensive right now. Credit misconception is when people see their credit cards as "extra money," not something to be paid back. Yeah, none of that going on. I know the definitions and differences of credit, debit, and gift cards.

I did learn about lifestyle creeping. This is the process of expenses unintentionally creeping up as one's income increases. Maybe a pinch of that...? I do need to stay the hell off of GrubHub but it's more affordable with the hours I'm working. And let's not forget Amazon's eternal stronghold on my wallet. I am just going through the possibilities, trying to figure it all out.

Last thing I found that resonated with me is that many, if not the majority, of people with ADHD engage in impulse spending. The recently updated statistics I found were:

*58% of ADHDers spend impulsively.

*51% of ADHDers struggle with budgeting.

*49% of ADHDers struggle to save.

It all got narrowed down to achieving that nice rush of dopamine which the ADHD brain is constantly craving. This definitely gives me a reason to not beat myself up if I slip, but I never want to use it as an excuse to not do what I'm supposed to do in this life as a functional adult.

Doing that means the issue is behavioral, not cognitive. I need to try to be more self-aware, execute better planning, and utilize coping skills for the harder days. In many areas of my life, I need to take my power back and call all my efforts back to me. This is one of them.

More thoughts later.