#i'd finish an entire book in a matter of a few days but still i really need to get things off my chest

[lenteur]

man. i need to go back to writing on a diary.

[waltzchristophh]

SANTINO LOVES YOU ♡ drabble + headcanons

sonny corleone x reader

Sonny was a frequent at the corner market your step father owned, collecting dues for paid protection and most of all, pestering you.

Please leave comments if you enjoyed!

Your eyes lifted from your book of poetry to the suspicious grocery patron as he stashed a blood orange into his pockets, holding a finger to his lips.

Shh.

The curly haired gangster maintained a subtle grin, pestering you further. That was enough. You stood from the cushiony saddle you rested upon and stomped furiously in Sonny's direction.

"Give it to me," You demanded with an extended hand.

"What? This?" The orange fell from his pocket and rested between his fingers. "You want this?"

Before you could snatch it back, he held the piece of fruit over your head like a cruel older brother.

"Oh, I don't think you're getting this back, sweet pea."

You maintained your dignity by refusing the jump for it, and instead took a different approach.

Your fingers crawled the length of Sonny's strong sides and lept to tickle Sonny's armpits while he still had his hand in the air.

He doubled over in laughter as you wrestled him for the orange. Soon the two of you were entwined in a fit of raucous laughter and giggles. A hastle that seemed nowhere near 89 cents.

"Quit it!"

"Sonny!"

Your step father's gut entered the room before he did. "Ay, Sonny."

The tackling immediately stopped, and the two of you brushed yourselves off, inching away from each other.

Finally Sonny broke the silence.

"Dunno why you bother paying my father; looks like she's got you covered," he shrugged with a grin.

---

headcanons

Your flirtatious affairs eventually turned into actual dates with Sonny knocking on your father's window with his jacket hung over his shoulder

"I'd like to see your daughter."

Within a few months you were one of the family.

You weren't completely oblivious to the family business, often pressing your ear to the door until Sonny caught you and shook you silly.

"C'mon what's'a matter with you?"

"But I can help!"

He rushes you away before explaining the situation: that it was unprecedented for women to be involved in the internal affairs of the Corleone family business.

Several months later after giving much thought to it, he began advocating for you're inclusion in the "family meetings" with full faith in your judgement

"She's a smart cookie, and she knows the trade well, her father owns a Bodega in Queens. They've got intel."

Vito took a liking to you as a young respectable woman, who wasn't afraid to put Sonny in his place.

Your conversations with him were pleasant and you loved hearing his stories about life back in the old country.

Needless to say, he was on board with this change.

A woman (non-italian at that) participating in male discussions was unprecedented. You challenged those norms and Sonny thought that was one of the sexiest things about you

"She may not have italian blood, but she has a strong italian heart, and thats good enough for me. Any questions?"

Any time clemenza tries to interrupt

"Woah, woah, woah- let 'er fucking finish first ya fuckin' jackass."

The two of you making fun of Carlo's flashy clothing at family dinners, which were almost weekly

"Would ya take a look at that fuckin' idiot. Cant believe hes marrying my sister," Sonny's hot breath whispered in your ear.

The two of you would be left in damn near tears of laughter.

"What's so funny?" Carlo would ask cluelessly.

Playing Gin rummy with the fellas and beating them almost every time.

Clemenza dropping his cards in disbelief

"That's my girl," Sonny smiles. "C'mere baby," as he smooches your forehead and cheeks.

With Sonny, every day was a beautiful miracle of joy, but when your father died a pit of sadness darkened your heart and your entire world went black.

He dried your tears with his hard thumb, looking down at you somberly

"Just let it out, honey. I'm here for ya. You're not alone, baby I'll never leave your side."

Looking up at him, hands entwined and sniffling a gentle smile

"It feels like my hands were meant to be held in yours, Sonny. I love you."

"I love you too, pumpkin."

Burying your nose into his chest and inhaling the musky fragrance of his Italian cologne and Cuban cigars.

'Poor butterfly by Sarah Vaughan playing softly on vinyl

Swaying with him to the music as he holds you closer to him. So close you could feel his heart beat to the rhythm

His lips caressing yours with loving tenderness

Monthly vacation to Sicily

Hanging over the edge of the balcony, allowing the straps of your satin nightgown to slip and fall from your shoulders

tipsy with old wine

He trails behind you, snaking a cool hand up your spine and holding your neck

Turning to face him and smiling like a mischievous child, tugging at his gold chain

"I want you to kiss me Sonny. Kiss me till I'm sick of it."

PLEASE COMMENT IF YOU ENJOYED :)

[theawkwardterrier]

Won’t You Walk With Me (out of the mouth of this holler), chapter 4

"I dinna ken why ye think I'd ever let you walk while I ride, so will ye please get on the damned horse before the morning's gone completely? I canna keep you from all yer patients simply because you're the stubbornest Sassenach I've ever met."

"You're one of my patients!" Claire argues, overlooking the rest of his words. "A few days ago, you had a bullet through your shoulder and your arm out of joint, Jamie Fraser, and you're still bloody injured, no matter how bullheaded you're being about it, all of which means that you’ll be getting up on the horse now.”

She nearly stamps her foot for emphasis, but doesn't think that would precisely lend her the air of credence and authority she is trying to convey. Still, the instinct remains, because he is being entirely fucking unreasonable about this, and based on the set of his jaw, she doesn't see that changing any time soon.

Turning, she appeals to the only other person there, hoping that Jamie's godfather might at least be able to talk some sense into him. "I'm certain that chivalry has its place somewhere, Murtagh, but would you please remind this arse that it isn't here?"

He finishes with whatever he was rearranging in the saddlebags (they're quite loaded today, between the medical supplies she packed and the books she brought now that she's managed to convince the other librarians that their new recruit Mrs. Graham should take over Claire's former route while she changes to serve the mining camp instead) and turns, scowl firmly affixed and brows tight.

"What I think," Murtagh says, as Claire wonders if she's made a mistake trying to recruit him to her side, "is that the two of ye are both fool-headed mules and need a firm smack for yer own good. The beast is clearly big enough for the both of ye. Just share him and be done wi' it."

Read more on AO3

[benkyoutobentou]

31 Days of Productivity Reading: Retrospective

This ended up being an entire essay so I had to make it into its own post!

How did my goals turn out? I'm so glad you asked.

Finish No. 6 volume 3

[X] Read [half of] 憎らしい彼

Read 独り舞

Read at least ten volumes of manga

[30/31] Read at least an hour per day

Personally, I think I did alright with my goals, especially considering how busy I was during the first few weeks of the month. I only missed my reading goal one day out of the month! I'm happy with that! That one miss was definitely odd though. The very next day, I found myself debating if I should still hit the hour mark. After all, I had already missed one day. What's one more? But I squashed that thought and continued on as though I never missed at all. Missing only once is better than missing twice!

During the course of this challenge, I finished twelve books (two novels and ten manga volumes) and started one more novel. The two novels I finished were No. 6 volume three by Asano Atsuko and 独り舞 by Li Kotomi, the novel I started but didn't get around to finishing was 憎らしい彼 by Nagira Yuu (which is the second book in the美しい彼 series). The manga volumes that I read were 僕らの地球の歩き方 (5) by Sorai Mone, 光が死んだ夏 (4) by Mokmok Len, ベルサイユのばら (1, 2) by Ikeda Riyoko, ３月のライオン (5) by Umino Chica, and ロンリーガールに逆らえない (1-5) by Kashikaze. If I were forced to pick a favorite of the month, I think I would have to choose volume five of ボクチキ but I feel like that's kind of cheating, since it's already my favorite manga series. Most of what I read during the month ended up being continuations of series that I had previously started reading, and I only read two completely new to me things (独り舞 and ロンガル).

Did my physical tbr shrink during this challenge? No! Not at all! Yikes! At the beginning of the month, I got a huge package of eighteen books from a lovely friend over on Instagram who doesn't read Japanese and was getting rid of them anyways. Then, I found the entirety of Basara at a used book shop and picked up the first five volumes. I want to start reading more older and classic shoujo, so this was the perfect opportunity to pick up a series that I probably wouldn't have read otherwise. So in the end, my Japanese tbr ended up expanding by thirteen books, but at least it didn't expand by twenty three, right?

As much as this challenge was a success, it was also a failure. I started this challenge to encourage myself to prioritize reading in my schedule and, honestly, that didn't happen as much as I had hoped. I talked a bit about this with a neighbor who wants to practice piano more, but I think that sometimes, putting emphasis on something can create a mental block, no matter how much you enjoy the activity. Especially with a challenge like this, I constantly felt like I had to have enough time to read. What even is enough time to read? Instead of picking up a book whenever and wherever, I was trying to force time for it, which just ended up making it so that I would push off reading until the very end of the day. It's the same as with practicing piano. If you stop to play a little song when you have five minutes, you'll probably play a lot more in the day than if you specifically try to find enough time for a full hour long practice session. Often, those little pick ups turn into a lot more if you let them.

I mentioned this a bit before, but I'd like to say it again and possibly expand on it. I think I'd like to bring this challenge back in a few months, but instead of focusing on time spent, focus more on page count. This would encourage those small pick ups rather than discourage them, as I felt this timing method did. Each time I wanted to read, I had to start the timer, stop it every time I got interrupted, and overall it was kind of a pain. Definitely not the ideal reading circumstances.

One thing that I did like about the timing system was being able to see my average reading speed. My average speed ended up being a little bit faster than what I had previously thought! My guess before this was about five minutes per novel page. I'm not a whole lot faster than that, but small progress is still progress! It was also interesting to see how my reading speed differed between different manga series and wh that was. I read some series that I knew were slower reads for me (３月のライオン) and some that I knew would be easier (ロンガル) but actually seeing the differences in the way the manga was written and drawn and how that related to my reading speed was interesting. I didn't get to all the manga series I wanted to in the end, but I won't stop reading just because this challenge is over.

Overall, I am really glad that I did this challenge. I had a lot of fun writing these updates each day and I am glad that I got through some books on my tbr, even if I would have liked to have made a bit more progress than I did. Expect to see more of this in the future! Just, maybe not the super near future. I'm also thinking of other fun reading challenges to do... Someone I follow on Instagram has an immersion bingo board that they complete each month, so maybe I could do that with my Japanese rads? Much to be considered... Until next time!

[twstbookclub]

Hello ! I just read the spins with silver and I cannot tell you how heartwarming it was, if I had to rate 1-10 about how melted my heart it I'd rate it 10/10 HAHAH

If it's okay with the admins, I'd like to request a Silver x GN!Reader where the special moments between them are Silver's most precious memories ! (aka: their first date, first kiss, etc.) it doesn't even have to be the major stuff, it can be the small things in life that he appreciates (maybe reader brewing him a coffee everyday, or him noticing reader's little doodles on his notes and helping him finish them when he accidentally dozes off, etc.)

(this is my first time requesting so please point out any mistakes i did when requesting !)

don't forget to take as much time as y'all's need, as well as prioritizing y'all's health first !!

thank you so much ! :DD

Recaptured Paradise

Summary: Silver takes time to himself to reminisce about the past that lead up to the romance story you both shared now. POV: 2nd Pronouns: Gender Neutral Admin/Writer: Kai⚔️ Tags: Silver, Fluff, Romance, Looking at the past, First memories, Silver looks at the past

Word count: 2,463

A/N: Hello our lovely readers!!! I was very excited to write our first ever request!! I do apologize since it did take a very long time but we did have other projects being done at the same time and there are life events currently, but regardless of that I hope you all enjoy!!!

Silver sat on the couch in the small apartment home that you both shared for a few years now, trying to keep himself awake as he searched through the internet quietly. He was looking for a gift for his partner in marriage, you.

He would take occasional glances at your resting body that used his shoulder as your pillow. "My sleeping beauty," he said quietly to himself with a gentle smile, and his eyes drifted from you to your hand. The ring on your finger twinkled in the moonlight that shone through the windows.

He suddenly started reminiscing when his eyes wandered and landed on your lips, instinctively making him leave a kiss on your head as you slept.

He couldn't help but look back at a few memories. "How did we get here?" He thought, then sat back to remember moments of years past.

The image of your genuine expression when you asked him on a date to the arcade shocked him at the time. Though, it was his fault since he mentioned that he wished to experience something new despite his busy schedule.

"Why don't I take you to an arcade?" He remembered that day as if it was only a few months back. The moment he agreed, your eyes lit up and looked like they held an entire galaxy in them.

"Honestly, I was hoping you'd say yes. I've been wanting to ask you on a date for a while!" Your words caused the entire world to stop, because little did you know at that time, he also wanted to ask you. Though, he never knew how.

You both had met the following day. As both of you ran out of class and down the hall to meet at the courtyard, every student watched, confused as to what was happening. That part didn't matter to either of you. 

Meeting under a tree and staring into each other's eyes felt magical. Straight out of a fairy tale book. You were both laughing at how out of breath you two were from running, and knowing that you had the same idea made the atmosphere sweeter before it even started.

From showing Silver tons of games inside of the arcade building to him winning a stuffed animal out of a crane game, he truly experienced something different that day.

The date was followed by a short walk in the park to watch the sunset. You had insisted on it. It was worth it, because it gave him the chance to confess how fond he was for you.

He still vividly remembers how flustered you were from his sudden confession. He continued to ramble about how surprised he was that he didn't fall asleep halfway through. It was all because he was nervous after pouring unknown emotions out to you the best he could.

Silver smiled to himself at the memory. He couldn't help but remember how you two shared your first kiss.

You snuck out to see him as he patrolled around the Diasomnia grounds late at night. That day, you were convinced to confess your feelings to him, since you were so confused about whether he felt the same for you or not.

He tried to escort you back to the dorm so you weren't caught. You were stubborn enough to stay, but it was so worth it.

"No! I won't go home! I want you to hear what I have to say!"

"Prefect, please–"

"I like you! I have feelings for you! Even before the first date we ever had together! I have to say it now, or I'd give up trying any moment after…"

Those words had shocked him to his core. Deep down, he was so happy to hear them. His facial expression stayed blank as he was overwhelmed with emotion at your words. 

Nonetheless, you had continued, but he was determined to hear it in the morning. Instead, he wanted to send you home. You didn't listen at all though.

"I know you might not like me back, but-" 

Silver had cut you off by giving into his own temptation. His lips were so gently placed on yours, clueless on what to do next. He hoped to get you home, so it was easier to do that in a place where he knew people couldn't catch him.

You were utterly shocked, and you didn't know how else to react. The boy you fell for back during the Spelldrive Tournament was there, and he returned your feelings.

The kiss felt too quick. After Silver broke it off, you could say he was an absolutely flustered mess. You were too, so it felt like a perfect accidental moment.

After that day, that's when you two began dating. Funny enough, neither you nor him asked each other to make it official. Diasomnia students had seen you and Silver that night, and talked about it immediately. Word had spread around like wildfire.

Neither of you complained though, and neither of you noticed until later.

It took everything in Silver not to chuckle at the memory, holding back a laugh at how silly you both were back at the NRC.

Right after that, Silver started to remember the day you graduated. He was nervous around you, but he had a reason. They'd thrown you all a party to celebrate, but all he'd wanted that day was to spend it with you.

Lilia had helped him get a pretty hefty gift for the two of you a few months prior, and he was excited to take you there. The party didn't end until late at night, but he was still focused on showing you this gift since the longer he waited, the more nervous he got.

He'd taken you to an unknown building in a small city near Briar Valley. To your surprise, that building had the apartment you both lived in now.

At that time, the small home was empty, but it had so much potential to hold so many memories for the both of you, as long as you accepted it.

"Silver, what is this place?" 

You were so confused as to why he brought you to an empty apartment, but it was insane to you that night. He let you roam around the place, and by the time you ventured around the last room, you found him on a knee in the middle of the living room. The same spot where he’d sit at the moment of reminiscing. 

“I know that this is sudden and rushed and not as romantic as I hoped, but I don’t think that I can let another second slip by without doing this.” 

Silver was nervous. Your expression then was pure surprise as he continued his speech.

“When I first met you, I only knew loyalty to the only family I knew and had. I was stuck in a constant loop of the same daily routine. The day you asked me out to the arcade, my whole worldview changed, and before I knew it, my loyalty extended to you.”

Silver paused as you had only listened to him. Your body had fallen onto the floor in front of him. Your heart felt heavy as there was a small lump in your throat at that moment.

“I realized that all of my thoughts had been overrun by you, by us. When I’m with you, you keep me awake, and are part of the chain that keeps me tethered to reality. I don’t think life could be the same if it’s not with you. No…”

Silver paused as he took a ring from his pocket, but your reaction to seeing it made his heart race through the entire moment. He knew what ring it was all too well, but you had only a brief understanding of it. He mentioned that the ring had been with him since birth, but that was all. Now, he was proposing with that same ring.

“It wouldn’t be life if every waking moment is not with you accompanied by my side. Not when I’ve grown to love you more than words can say in the past few years. So…”

Silver had called your full name before continuing, his free hand had taken your left hand into his own and held on tightly. He remembered how shaky his voice was by the end of his emotional outburst from the moment.

“Will you do me the honor of letting me be your partner, my spouse, even after death draws our final breaths?”

He let out a sigh of relief as he finished his words. He could only stare at you in anticipation. Your eyes felt teary at all of his words striking your heart in such a warm manner. You smiled at him as you gently squeezed his hand in the empty apartment.

Silver got distracted as you shifted around in your sleep before he could finish the memory. He fixed the blanket on your body when his eyes landed on the door, another memory coming up to him.

This one was the day you both had finally moved into that apartment. Silver helped bring in heavier furniture with the help of Jack and Sebek, even though Sebek was mostly yelling orders to the other two to get everything done a certain way. 

Ace and Deuce were helping take items out of boxes and asking you what rooms they belonged in. Your job was to clean up the place and make sure that nothing went to chaos along with Epel. 

That same day, everything had been moved into the right rooms, the only place set up being the living room. They had agreed to go out to eat since it was still pretty unorganized in their new shared home. 

Afterwards, they’d come back to the door and open it when Silver suddenly scooped you up and carried you inside bridal style. It surprised you as you weren’t married yet, but you could only hold onto him as the sensation was making you laugh at the time.

You two didn't share a room as he felt it wrong to sleep in the same bed regardless of being in a relationship and under the same roof, but it didn't bother you either.

After that moment though, he would leave you on your bed but you didn't let him go. No one had slept by themselves that night, well… not really slept at all. 

Silver snapped back to reality as he felt a small blush come up to his cheeks from the flashbacks. He looked around the room as his eyes stopped on the few pictures that hung up on the wall. Specifically, the one of your wedding day.

The smile on his face was so full of love and genuine care as the memory of the day played in his head, and his arm wrapped around you, gently bringing you closer.

He'd been a nervous wreck that whole day, and you'd been worried that something would ruin it. Though the wedding was small, it was fun for everyone invited. Sebek and Jack were crying together which made you and Silver laugh mid reception.

An afterparty held by all your close friends to celebrate was a big moment for the two of you. They all congratulated your marriage as Jade, Floyd, Leona, and Riddle had become like protective brothers towards you, telling Silver to take care of you more than he already had.

Everyone was great and made the party a night to remember. Once it was over, they all sent you on your way and took care of everything else, giving time for yourselves as they were all ready to say goodbye.

For a so-called "honeymoon", Silver had taken you on a horseback ride through the forest behind NRC, of course with permission from Crowley. The night was so sweet that it felt as if it happened only a few weeks ago.

Since then, the marriage life between the two of you felt just right. You helped make the small place a true home, while he supported you through everything. 

Silver was so in love, and you equally. He stopped his daydreaming when you slowly opened your eyes from your slumber, sitting up and looking around.

"Morning, sleepyhead." Silver said as he gently patted your head, messing up your ready tangled bedhead.

"Sleepyhead…? Right back at you…" You responded with some tiredness behind your voice, adjusting to the moment. "What were you doing while I was asleep?"

Silver smiled with a small chuckle, and took a glance at the ring on your finger. "Nothing much, just looking back at some things from the past."

Your eyebrow raised in confusion but you shook it off, using his shoulder as a pillow again. Silver wrapped his arm around your shoulder, bringing you closer to him.

Him mentioning the past made you reminisce as well. This warm embrace of his made you remember other times.

Running through the forest to lay in a quiet spot after and watching the clouds move. Making him a cup of coffee in the morning to get him through at least the morning. You made their home a true home.

Your moment was interrupted as a sound was heard from another room. Your old room since you moved into Silver's once you both began sharing a name.

"Seems like duty calls, doesn't it?" Silver said as he looked at the open door then at you, letting go of your body to rise up from the couch.

"It never will." You responded and got up after him with a big smile, heading off to the room while holding his hand. He followed behind, squeezing your hand out of excitement.

The bassinet in the middle of the room moved slightly as small, happy noises were made. Once seeing your faces, a giggle was heard as Silver took the baby into his hands. He made silly faces and sweet coo's to the little one, getting happy and loud reactions which made him laugh in return.

You watched while leaning at the wall nearby. The sight of Silver being a father was one you loved seeing everyday, and you were happy with all that happened so far.

Your actions stopped as you caught him looking at you, a cheery smile on his face as he said the words "I love you!" in a sweet voice as if he was speaking as his child.

You laughed and stepped closer, taking the baby into your arms and kissing Silver on his cheek as a thanks. "And I love you too." Silver said, making you freeze in place. 

You smiled and leaned onto Silver as he wrapped his arms around you, placing a soft kiss on your head.

"I love you both."

[fiftysevenacademics]

I just saw this article today and realized I've been doing this for years now to cultivate new good habits (or stop bad ones, if you prefer thinking of it that way). It really works!

If, like me, you're one of those "all or nothing" people, it's that exact mentality that makes it so hard to pick up a new habit when you're not super motivated. And what makes it so hard to stop a bad habit that you know is making you miserable.

What helped me was thinking of habits as a matter of neural pathways. I read somewhere it takes about 6 weeks to develop a habit because it takes that long to develop neural circuitry around the habit. Once I thought of it as a physical thing instead of a moral failure, it became very easy to start taking tiny steps instead of "I have to do the all the thing all at once, forever and if I slip up, all is lost." Just doing the smallest, easiest part of the thing, at a point that falls naturally or conveniently into my existing routines, is already building the neural connections to support that habit and over time they will strengthen and grow.

I can't stress enough the importance of celebrating when you finish each tiny step. For me, that usually is praising myself or reveling in a sense of accomplishment.

For example, I want to start keeping my house really clean but feel super resentful about having to waste a few hours of weekend time on cleaning. So I've started to clean one small part of the house very early every weekday morning after I walk the dog and before work. Some days, that's little more than doing the dishes if they were left overnight, or watering the garden. Other days, I do a lot more, like sweeping and mopping the entire house. Instead of noticing how much still needs to be cleaned and beating myself up for not doing more, I admire the part I did and feel great that I won't need to do that particular task for another week or more, depending what it is. Over the course of the week I clean the whole house and it usually looks nice all week. After doing this for a few weeks, it has become so much easier to just pick up a broom or a sponge whenever I notice a small mess that I'd normally wait until cleaning day to do. And I'm getting far less tolerant of mess and clutter as a result, starting to think of myself as the kind of person who keeps a tidy, organized household. If I keep this up for another month or so, it will feel natural, easy, and not even a bother to do.

It works with writing, too. Set a goal to write one paragraph a day, or as often as you think you can fit comfortably into your routines. Or one sentence if a paragraph feels like too much to start with. Focus on achieving the goal, not on the quality of what you write, at first. Some days, just getting that one sentence written might feel like a monumental accomplishment. Celebrate it! You did good. It will not always be that hard, I promise. Days when you do more than that will feel even more amazing. And over time, writing will become easier and more habitual as your brain grows around it.

[scattered-winter]

ao3 wrapped !!

I've seen a few people doing this and thought I'd jump on the train lmao

1: how many words have you written this year?

uh. um. 319,614 lmfaooo

2: how many works did you publish this year?

just 5!! it's been a slow posting year but I have a LOT of WIPs I was working on in the meantime lmao

3: what work are you most proud of, regardless of kudos/hits?

bound like quintenary stars, without a doubt. it's the largest scale project I've ever done, and it's really forced me to grow as a writer

4: what work of yours has the most hits?

hold onto me has over 15k hits which is still WILD to me lmfao. if only i could write an update to that thang. and if we're talking just this year, then it's buckley siblings and their terrible, awful, no good very bad first dates at almost 3k

5: favorite title you used?

DEFINITELY buckley siblings and their terrible, awful, no good very bad first dates. i read that book as a kid and i think i'm hilarious

6: what artist have you pulled lyrics from the most:

probably bastille. tbh

7: pairing that you wrote the most for this year:

buddie LMAO. of the 5 fics i posted this year, 3 of them are buddie. I'm not counting quintenary stars in this because as of right now it's still mostly genfic and the romance won't come in until much further down the line

8: favorite pairing you wrote for this year:

only a few people know this but I wrote a LOT of adashi. I'm working on a side piece for quintenary stars that focuses on them pre-kerberos, and there are also a handful of adashi-adjacent aus i've been working on including leverage, agents of shield, and rwby. i'm obsessed with them lowkey

9: what work was the quickest to write?

walking out into the dark, cutting out a different path, led by a beating heart was uh. well. i wrote it in a matter of hours in a haze of mental illness in between the promo for 911 s6e11 and the actual episode dropping later that night. for those of you who don't have the context, a character got struck by lightning and subsequently was lingering on the threshold of death in episode 10, and when the promo for 11 dropped we realized there was going to be a coma dream episode in which the character would experience what should have been his Perfect Life but without all the things that led him to where he was, he never would have had an impact on his friends and family, and there would have been disastrous consequences. I distinctly remember skipping out on an entire day of classes because I was writing this fic LMFAO. and to this day I'm still very proud of it. incredible things come from sheer insanity it seems

10: what work took you longest to write?

seeing as quintenary stars is still ongoing, I'll say you're such a heavenly view. i had just watched prince caspian (again) and was feeling insane (as per usual) but it still took FOREVER to get this thang finished </3

11: what's your longest fic of the year?

quintenary stars is currently sitting pretty on 221,491, making it my longest piece of writing ever. which is pretty cool and also kinda scary because bro. bro i have no idea where these words are coming from

12: what's your shortest fic of the year?

buckley siblings !! it was short and sweet. angst and whump. u guys know what i like

13: favorite character you wrote this year?

oogh...i LOVED writing peter's pov in you're such a heavenly view. i actually would love to write more narnia fic someday. and i also love writing in pidge's pov in quintenary stars she is LITERALLY just like me fr

14: what's one pairing you want to explore more next year?

HEITH. i'm not putting them in quintenary stars but BOY do i want to explore their dynamic. and i am also always down for more caspeter

15: how many kudos in total did you get this year?

579!!

16: which work has the most comments?

quintenary stars! which statistically makes sense to me because it's a multichapter and the others this year are oneshots. but the fic that has the most comments overall is hold onto me

17: did you do any collaborative works this year?

nothing posted on ao3, but there was a lot of collaboration going on behind the scenes! the voltron leverage au in particular is a pretty elaborate project @frigidboy and i are working on together, and he's also been my soundboard for a lot of quintenary stars stuff. I've also been collaborating with various members of The Groupchat (@dauntingday, @soleadita, @xandromedan, @moonlightperseus) on various ongoing projects and aus including but not limited to some rwby aus with day, red and 13 stuff with leo, COUNTLESS aus, ocs, and wips with mads, and some leverage stuff with abby. I've also made some zombie apocalypse ocs with @0xy--m0r0n. and there are probably more things I've collabed with people on but I FORGOR </3

18: what's your most common category?

gen and m/m !! I tend to lean more gen with just a touch of romance most of the time, but more often than not my oneshots will be more explicitly romance

19: what do you listen to while writing?

it varies, but most of the time it will be some kind of orchestral/instrumental music. I have a list of favorite compilations on youtube from hans zimmer and some other favorites that I rotate through, and I also have some playlists on spotify for when I'm not as picky. it also depends on what I'm writing at the time: if I'm writing quintenary stars, I will usually go straight to the voltron soundtrack (or other space sci fi like interstellar or gravity) just because I need a specific vibe. and if I'm writing a battle scene, sometimes I'll pull up another tab and put some space battle ambience over the music, too

20: favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

oh god there are SO many favorites. but probably in the coma dream buck fic (walking out into the dark) when I used imagery to draw a connection to the Shooting Scene. like of all the literary things I've pulled over the years I think that one is hands down my favorite

"Shit's crazy here, man," Danny said as he stepped up to the sink beside Evan. "Did you know there was a sniper a few months ago? Some crazy cop was shooting firefighters out in the streets." A chill ran down Evan's spine, coldness settling in the bottom of his gut. Danny turned on the faucet. Water splashed in the bottom of the sink, flung up and out.  Droplets splattered across Evan's face. "Damn," Evan murmured, raising a shaking hand to wipe it away. "Was anyone killed?" "One was," Danny said offhandedly. "He got shot right after a call, middle of the street. Nobody even saw it coming.” Evan was shaking, all over his body. Danny just kept going, like he didn’t even notice. “His team was trapped by the sniper and by the time they got him pulled out, it was too late.” Stay there! I’m coming to you! “The news said his name was Diaz. Eddie Diaz." Evan dropped the plate he was holding. Shards of ceramic flew in every direction, pinpricks of pain prickling at his legs and bare feet. Gunshot in the street. Blood splattered on his face. Asphalt against his cheek. Are you hurt? "Evan?" Danny was looking at him, brows furrowed together. "Are you okay?" Evan swallowed, took in a shaky breath, nodded. He bent and began to gently gather the broken shards in his palm, but something made him pause. "Huh." "What?" Danny was looking at him like he was crazy. "I'm not bleeding." And he wasn't. His legs and feet were untouched; smooth, unmarred skin where only seconds before, he'd been so certain he'd felt cuts. "That's weird," Danny said, before shoving a broom in Evan's hands. "Your mess, your job. You get to finish the dishes."

overall that whole fic was just. probably some of my best work I think. I'm so proud of it fr

21: biggest surprise while writing this year?

i was NOT expecting quintenary stars to get as much engagement as it's been getting!! i feel like everyone's kinda trying to forget voltron ever existed (understandable) so i didn't think there would be much of an audience for it. but there is!!! and i love you guys!!!!!

TAGGING IF U WANNA DO THIS TOO: ppl i've already tagged above, plus @scorchedhearth, @ anyone else who wants to do it !! I'm so sorry I am totally blanking on mutuals/followers/friends who are also writers so if u see this and want to, consider urself tagged !!

[callipraxia]

hello hello hello. I thought about you, and it's pretty late and I read though all of our comment threads from so fucking long ago, so I came here. I don't know what for, exactly? check up? hope your job hasn't eaten up all of your creativity and spewed out a husk of a human being and you'll never be heard from again? eh. you can ignore this, I was just thinking. things are changing and stuff. the special interest hasn't wavered, surprisingly. whatever you're doing now, I wish you luck :)

(goodness, this is sappy. I hope you don't mind or are put off by this. I'd get it. just Thinking)

There were a few days during the “9hrs a day 7 days a week” phase of the work project when I certainly felt like a thoroughly masticated husk of a human being, but I think I’ll recover 😀. Although I currently feel a bit like a few lines from Charlotte Bronte’s juvenilia -

“Reader, as yet I have written \nothing/, I would fain fall into some regular strain of composition, but I cannot, my mind is like a prism full of coulours but not of forms. A thousand tints are there brilliant & varied & if if they would resolve into the shade of some flower or bird or gem, I could fling a picture before you. I feel I could.”

(Bronte, quoted Barker 290)

- my ideas are really still there, and just have to do a bit of ‘settling,’ as they’ve been rattling around like kites in the wind since I finished IG and then plunged headlong into a job where extended hours were offered almost daily. Luckily, I’ve got two weeks off work just now, and am working on some outlines to see which of my various ideas seems likeliest to succeed in turning into a proper story. Hopefully I can fit in a decent short story, too, before the next project begins, but either way, I very much plan to be heard from again.

In the meantime, good hearing from you! Hope things are changing for the better, and to chat in various comment sections (yours and mine) again in the not-too-distant future.

(Work Cited: Barker, Juliet. The Brontes: Wild Genius on the Moors: The Story of a Literary Family. Pegasus Books, New York, NY, 2010. Widely considered the definitive work on the subject of the entire Bronte family, though I have my criticisms - it’s an enormous book at 979 pages before the index and citations, and while that’s fine in and of itself, I think all the time presumably spent working on it started to take a toll. Late in the book, she starts playing blatant favorites among the siblings, in particular turning something awful on my girl Emily, taking the worst possible interpretation of anything said by or about her and then presenting this unfavorable interpretation as a matter of record. She also turns on Charlotte and the juvenilia as a concept late in the book, which even more startling considering how she praised them earlier. Still, though, it is a very thorough book, and just a good read with a good story to it as it weaves the lives of Patrick, Charlotte, Branwell, Emily, and Anne together in a way not unlike the use of the third-person omniscient POV in fiction. I’d recommend it as a book, just with the caveat to keep an eye out for authorial bias. Also, sorry for the random annotated bibliography in an ask reply; quotes are how I express myself, lol)

[morallygreyvigilante]

idk what the genre name is but u know pokemon? what's some stuff like that you're (or were) into

For me, the main one was Bakugan. I started watching the anime when I was a kid during the transition period between season 2 (New Vestroia) and season 3 (Gundalian Invaders) and I thought it was the coolest thing ever at the time. A few years after it finished airing I decided I wanted to watch it again, so imagine my surprise (and delight) when I found out there was a whole other season I never watched. Now? Well, I've watched the original series all the way through to completion at least five times (that's when I stopped keeping track anyway). And, as I've mentioned a lot on this blog, Bakugan will always have a special place in my heart for being the very first anime I ever watched (even if I didn't know it at the time).

As for the game itself? I've never played it. I mostly just enjoyed watching the bakugan pop open over-and-over haha. By the time I started looking into the game, all the G point values on my bakugan had started to fade so I never really bothered much with it after that. Besides, it wasn't like I had anyone to actually play it with.

The next one I came across was Monsuno a relatively short period of time after Bakugan had ended. It was recommended to me by a friend who also liked that kind of stuff and while it wouldn't be my first choice of show within that genre to re-watch, it was still enjoyable.

Again, I didn't really play the game for this one either, but I did enjoy collecting the cores even if I never could quite figure out how to launch them properly.

Then, of course I can't leave out Yu-Gi-Oh! This one I discovered a few years after the other two. My school had a games club at the time and of course that was one of the games I'd sometimes watch a few of the other students play.

I looked into it and discovered it also had an anime series, so of course I immediately watched it. I really enjoyed Duel Monsters so it wasn't long after that before I was checking out Season 0, the Capsule Monsters spin-off, as well as the movies featuring the Duel Monster's cast. Unfortunately I watched it during the time where I was only really interested in a series while my favourite character(s) was still involved, so currently I have yet to check out GX or anything after that (although I have noted them down to check out at some point in the future when I have some time). I even managed to snag a few volumes of the manga from a book store in my hometown but I never did get the rest of them.

Now, this time I did get into the game. I got a Blue Eyes starter deck that I built on and it was essentially my go-to deck while my school's games club was still running. Whether or not I was actually any good at the game is another matter entirely, but it was fun. Sadly I haven't had the chance to play it for a few years but if the opportunity ever presents itself to brush the dust off my favourite dragon cards I'm taking it.

And finally, Pokemon. Unlike with the others, I never really got into the anime with this one. I don't know whether I just left it too late or whether it just wasn't my cup of tea, but whatever the case, I just couldn't get into it.

I did used to collect the cards, and I will never forget how happy I was the day I opened up a packet only for a Primal Groudon EX to slip out. But as for the card game itself? I didn't really play it. I did however, get two of the 3DS games (Y & Sun) and while I never actually completed them, I had a lot of fun playing them.

[nobodyaskdcourtney]

Daisy Jones & the Six: A Novel + ★★★★★

by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Book Blurb by Random House Publishing: Everyone knows Daisy Jones & The Six, but nobody knows the reason behind their split at the absolute height of their popularity . . . until now.

Daisy is a girl coming of age in L.A. in the late sixties, sneaking into clubs on the Sunset Strip, sleeping with rock stars, and dreaming of singing at the Whisky a Go Go. The sex and drugs are thrilling, but it’s the rock and roll she loves most. By the time she’s twenty, her voice is getting noticed, and she has the kind of heedless beauty that makes people do crazy things.

Also getting noticed is The Six, a band led by the brooding Billy Dunne. On the eve of their first tour, his girlfriend Camila finds out she’s pregnant, and with the pressure of impending fatherhood and fame, Billy goes a little wild on the road.

Daisy and Billy cross paths when a producer realizes that the key to supercharged success is to put the two together. What happens next will become the stuff of legend.

Rating: ★★★★★ Descriptors: Magnetic, raw, lively. Recommended by: TikTok, as usual. Recommended for: Those who chase - chase a drink, chase a lover, chase a dream. Literally everyone - read this book.

I was not entirely sure I was going to finish this one - but, man, am I glad I did.

It took me longer than I had hoped to complete it. For an ebook that is approximately 400 pages, I would usually knock that out in a few hours, maybe a day or two at most. No, this took me a week and a half to finish, and the ending was well worth it.

The writing style here is unique. Now, I know Reid is a popular author on TikTok, but this was my first time reading a book of hers. I'll be honest, I think the writing style is what truly threw me off and made it difficult for me to finish. The author writes as if it is an interview instead of a novel, with the occasional "author's note" from the journalist writing the story. It read almost like a screenplay to a documentary. Now, don't get me wrong, I love a good documentary. However, the transition to written word here did not strike me as it might have in, say, an audio book. As a matter of fact, I'm almost certain I would love the audio book. If this is how Reid writes all of her pieces, they may also take a bit of time for me to get through.

Now, onto the good part - Spoilers may be ahead!

I loved each of the characters individually. I think they were all portrayed so well and so differently from one another, they all simply clicked together perfectly. However, I will say Daisy and Billy equally frustrated me throughout. I had an inkling of where the story was going once the two, I'd say, protagonists finally met up with one another. The chemistry was palpable, and the same goes for Karen and Graham, who I was rooting for the entire time to no avail.

I was also wildly attached to Camila, and I hated every instance where Billy messed up. That said, I oddly understood her dynamic and relationship with Billy to a heartbreaking degree. I did not hate their relationship by any means. It was real. It was raw, and I loved every minute of it, even the hard parts.

I come from a musical family, and my father always chose his career over his family. I saw a lot of my father in Billy's demeanor, although from a different perspective. My dad never struggled with drug or alcohol abuse, but he was unfaithful to my mother and several other women in his life. But, as Camila seemed to grasp, I knew there was nothing my father could do or could have done to stop my mother from loving him, even when she hated him. Even when she hated his choices and his treatment of his children, my mother still had love for my dad. My parents ultimately separated, and I still think it was for the best. But reading Camila and Billy's story really set me back into the mindset I'm sure my mother understood.

As for Daisy, I hated her addiction and her seeming lack of self-awareness. I've been fortunate not to fall victim to an addiction like drugs and alcohol, so I have a hard time understanding why people can't say "no." Daisy started out as a selfish main character, but her growth throughout the series really warmed me. Once she started comprehending her feelings for Billy were more than just their shared love and passion for music, I enjoyed her opening up more.

I liked her friendship with Simone, and I will say - Daisy kept it more real than anyone else in that book. She never shied from what she was doing or saying, and there is something admirable in a woman who stands her ground. I also enjoyed her talking about her sobriety, and I especially loved the final confrontation ( if you want to call it that ) between her and Camila. It was the most authentic, heart-wrenching thing, and it set my heart on fire.

The story was, as I've said many times here, real. It was genuine, it was authentic, it was true. Not every love story has a happy ending. Some have bumps in the road all throughout. Some make you question whose side you're really on, and some you cannot help but love yourself. The odd writing style aside, this was an excellent book and worthy of every star here. I have highlighted and annotated so much of this book, I have no choice but to rate it as highly as I can and recommend it to anyone who will listen.

I loved this book.

[alikestory]

mostly rambling about writing my webcomic...

i was doing the typesetting for the next chapter and there's this one part where i was like, i need to explain what this person is referring to for this scene to have any weight. i'll just write a quick backstory thing~

anyway it's. as long as a normal chapter nowwwww :'^) INEVITABLY. i still have one little scene left to write dfghj

generally this arc keeps getting LONGER ;___; i know how it ends and i'm like "wait is this going to have any impact if i don't write something about that??" and in general there are lots of things i know about the characters that aren't in the comic and i'm like DOES IT MATTER???? i don't know.... :'3 (like, not stuff that's going to be revealed later just kinda mundane things that happened before the story starts. but then i hate it when a manga has an entire volume dedicated to one side character's backstory and i'd like my webcomic to END ONE DAY.........)

okay so i wasn't like "i'll just write a quick backstory thing~ tee hee~" I SAID IT BLEAKLY. RESIGNED TO MY FATE.

it is mostly the character in question narrating some stuff so i thought okay i'll do it nagata kabi style and i can totally finish this and another 21 page chapter in two months. i mean her manga is in a simple kinda sketchy style and there's a lot of narration but it's interesting....... anyway that's my current plan. basically how shitty can i get away with this looking..... and what if i made it pink like my lesbian experience with loneliness.......... but i don't want people to see it and think of nagata kabi necessarily i just like pink. MY WEBSITE IS ALREADY PINK. IT'S FINE. NO ONE WOULD EVEN NOTICE. also being like "hey remember this completely unrelated and also way better manga???" at the very beginning of a 30-40 page update. :'^) BAD IDEA.

anyway i own (i can't think of a way to abbreviate this title sdfg why is it so long) my lesbian experience with loneliness but i want to read her newer books too. i think i read exchange diary at a library and found it kinda boring tho? .-.;; ig it's not as sensational as long title. less sex appeal. (that is a joke.)

SEEING THE NEWER TITLES IS. bleak. this poor woman what the hell. like reading long title you'd expect things to get better for her and it's not like her manga hasn't been successful either..... it's kind of depressing, i put them on hold at the library but DO I REALLY WANT TO KNOW???

also somewhat self-conscious about my library holds u__u;;; having three volumes of manga in the first place. whenever i put manga on hold i worry they'll think i don't read real books..... (because i DON'T. i put left hand of darkness & house of leaves on hold too but i've had both of them out before and just never actually read them........ THIS TIME I'M GOING TO. I SWEAR.) i also took impossible people out a few months ago so what if they can see my reading history and are like "why do you read so many comic books about alcoholics??" BUT NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS WILL HAPPEN. i just have an anxiety disorder :v

aaaaa i also don't even know if this backstory flashback thingy is enough.... I MEAN. I GET IT NOW. I KNOW WHY THEY DRAW AN ENTIRE VOLUME OF VILLAGER E'S BACKSTORY. (actually when i think of this phenomenon i think specifically of fai from tsubasa orz;;;; I'M SORRY.) AND. OKAY. IT'S SO EMBARRASSING.

nothing i'm saying or will continue to say is helping my case for Dear Library Employees, I Swear To God I Don't Just Read Comic Books (about alcoholics. i also read comics about other stuff.)

there was some comedy/romance shojo manga i read back in high school and i think the offenders here were by the same author but i don't remember who for sure :v anyway there were a bunch where something serious was about to happen or the characters were finally going to be honest with each other and then they'd have some kinda joke and it would always annoy me bc as we have established i love some sensational drama :v

BUT I GET IT NOW ;_____; THAT IMPULSE...... it's hard to write a sincere and emotional moment and be like WHAT IF IT DOESN'T LAND????? it's so obvious what i'm trying to do that if people go "i don't buy it" then i'll just DIE I GUESS?????????

but you have to try u__u you HAVE TO.

[gatteun-mam]

i cried watching a donbelle movie, and i went to see my sister's favorite artist live

Since my on-site schedule was from Wednesdays to Fridays, I found myself buying an American-style breakfast last Friday at around 8-ish AM. I must have been busy that I didn't have my usual mini social media breaks in between finishing tasks. There were only two of us who reported that day and it was around 6 when my friends picked me up from the office.

We headed to SM Aura to meet with our other friend to watch the movie he was a part of (he was in advertising!) He treated us to dinner and we paid 500 for the movie. I still can't believe a movie would cost 500 pesos now! Anyway, he warned me that I'd probably cry but I ended up crying during the family dialogues. Thank God there were only a few people catching the last showing. After the movie, it was impossible to book a Grab so we ended up walking from Aura to Funhan and try booking from there. It was around 11:30 PM and we still weren't able to get a car so we walked again going to our friend's condo unit where I was able to book a double drop-off ride.

I reached my walking goal that day of 10k steps.

Nothing major happened on Saturday but I was finally able to put away my laundry. I just slept the whole afternoon after lunch.

Today I woke up at around 8 AM and told myself I'd leave to queue for Clinton Kane's meet and greet at around 10 AM. I got out of bed by 10, ordered myself Jollibee, and waited until 12 noon to help out a friend get tickets for a fan meet. I booked my Angkas and got to the venue at around 12:30. I was 143rd in line. It didn't matter, I'm not familiar with the artist, but my sister's a huge fan! I felt bad that I wasn't able to get her tickets to his concert (but it got canceled anyway!) so when she sent me a screenshot that he was going to host a free show, I made sure to go.

SO I ENDED UP MEETING HIM. AND HE GAVE ME A SMALL HUG.

I was also on call with my sister the whole time and he was able to say hi to her. I was planning to wait until he played 2-3 songs before I bounce but ended up staying the entire time. I took videos for my sister and after the show, booked another Angkas ride. I arrived home, took a shower, had McDonald's delivery and took a nap.

I'm kind of awake now and I don't want to stay up late since I'd be going to the office tomorrow.

Kind of a productive weekend, I guess?

[chaifighter]

SHE'S ARRIVED!!!

Almost exactly 3 years ago (give or take 2 weeks) I reached out to @davetheshady (author) and @inclines (artist) to ask permission to print this book, which they graciously provided. I'd seen inclines' absolutely gorgeous print and fallen instantly in love, and they were kind enough to provide the cover and Word files when I asked for their help in getting it set up for printing.

Then I decided I wanted to format the text body like an actual book. And do an editing pass over the whole thing, just to clear up any egregious typos. And justify the text, which meant monitoring the entire 700-page novel for hyphenation. And learn what the fuck 'gutters' meant for book printing??? Suffice to say, after about a month of feverish editing, I got Extremely Burnt Out and couldn't bring myself to do the second pass I knew the thing needed, so the near-complete document proceeded to languish on my hard drive.

Fast forward 3 years later! I now have a roommate who I can force to proof the draft for me! I have a spare few days! I finally complete a personal project!!!!!

I am so, so, so happy with how this turned out. It is so hard to communicate her Weight and Width in pics, but trust me when I say: the darling is a brick. I love her immeasurably but she is 710 numbered pages plus front and back matter, she could probably kill a man. I will read her voraciously and keep in mind her heft if ever I am victim of a home invasion.

ENORMOUS thank you to both davetheshady and inclines, for your permission, your generosity, and (if you're still around to be reading this 3 whole years later) your patience. This project was begun in my freshman year of college at one of the loneliest points in my life, when having something big, meaningful, and time-consuming to work on was an enormous comfort, and now I've finished it just a month and a half before I'm set to graduate. Life, amirite?

[emwritesstuff]

as the world caves in | ch. 9 | bucky barnes x reader

synopsis: You are a ghost story. A former Air Force pilot who had her plane shot down by Germany in 1945, but here you were in 2023, alive and frozen in your 25-year-old body.

You haven’t seen Bucky since the 1940’s, before his fall, before you went on a suicide mission only to come back alive. You aren’t sure reliving those memories – and being a living memory of everything the man has lost – is the best for him.

But you and Bucky won’t be apart for long.

This will loosely follow the plot of TFATWS - so spoilers ahead, specially regarding episode six (finale). Thread carefully!

masterlist | AO3

notes:  thank you everyone for your patience with this chapter. I'm dropping this lil shortie so we can get the story moving. Let's go! (warnings: lil' fluff, lil' angst) (word count: 3K) nine: records

Bucky knocked on your door a few weeks later.

It was late, and you were snug in your pajamas, winding down after a long day. With your identity no longer a secret, the government was in the midst of transferring you to something more… hands-on, and definitely less diplomatic, you were assuming; so much for retirement, but you figured 30 years of it had been more time than you could’ve anticipated.

You almost didn’t hear the soft rapping on wood over Vera Lynn’s mellow singing.

When you finally opened it, you found him standing there, wearing tired eyes and a dark coat. “I’m sorry, I know it’s late, but I started walking and I—"

“When I said you’re welcome anytime, Bucky Barnes, I meant any time.”

A tiny fraction of a smile was offered your way, and you grasped it tight against your heart at the same time you do his hand, pulling him inside.

His fingers lingered on yours, but before you could start thinking about it he pulled away, taking a seat at the edge of your couch. “I finished it. The book.”

Bucky answered your question before you could ask it. “I just came from there. The last one– the last name.”

“Well. Are you alright?” You sat next to him, your knee knocking against his, and his gaze went from the floor, to the spot where your legs touched, and then to you. He knitted his eyebrows, seeming a little incredulous you were even asking.

“I will be.” His hands intertwined on the space between his knees, and you placed a hand ton his shoulder, getting him to look at you again.

“Yes, you will. Do you want to talk about it?”

One corner of Bucky’s lip raised up, and he shook his head. “Is that Vera Lynn?”

You smiled, turning to look at your record player as if Vera herself was sitting next to it. “It is. Takes me back, I guess.”

“It’s all we’d listen to at the front.”

Nodding, you wondered for a second if Bucky remembered dancing to We’ll Meet Again the night before he was shipped off. Even if you weren’t the only girl he had danced with then, you still asked yourself if that memory was burned on his mind as it was on yours.

We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when. A short-term promise, made back then by hopeful lovers, friends, family members; you had no idea that those lyrics would prove themselves so literal when you and Bucky mouthed them at each other in the middle of a dancefloor.

You let out a breathy chuckle, standing up and beckoning him to where you kept the rest of your vinyl. “Come on. Vera’s starting to feel a little too nostalgic to me.”

Your record collection was pretty extensive, ranging from things of the good ol’ days from the special editions that were still being released nowadays. Bucky joined you on the floor, and together you started to make your way through decades eternized in discs.

“Marvin Gaye.”

You look up from The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust, finding Bucky making a face at the album he was holding. “It’s really good. Do you want to—”

“No. No more Marvin Gaye.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “You don’t like him?”

“I like Marvin Gaye! Jesus. Marvin is good—Marvin’s jus’ fine,” Bucky rubbed his eyes with his thumb and middle finger, and you finally understood.

“Sam’s been preaching you the word of R&B to you too, huh?”

You giggled at the tired look he gave you and silently took Trouble Man out of his hands, stuffing it back with the rest of the 1970’s.

Years ago, Bucky would be delighted to dive headfirst in the new – your trips to countless science fairs and expositions were enough proof of that – but looking at him now, knowing him as you were starting to once again, you figured that just a dip of the toes was more than enough.

You pulled Frank Sinatra from the 1950’s section.

“I know Sinatra.”

“Do you now?”

You put the record on your player, and Vera Lynn’s longing gave way to Sinatra’s swagger and jazz.

“Do you?” Bucky teased, frowning at the most recent items in your collection. As soon as Frank’s voice filled the silence, he nodded. “Yeah, that’s nice.”

“I do know him! Or did. Met ‘im in 1962.” You plopped next to Bucky, who was shaking his head. “What?”

“Show off.”

“No, just been around. Met people on the way. And, you asked.” Your smirk grew into a grin as Bucky mouthed your words back at you. Then his face fell for a second, and your amusement was quickly replaced by worry. “What is it?”

“Nothing, I guess – I guess I just missed a lot.” The same way one of the corners of his lips tug on his cheek again in his attempt of a smile, melancholy tugs at your heartstrings. “I missed out on everything. And I missed out on you.”

Bucky’s head was low as he spoke and you could see the tremble of his hands, even though he clutched one of your records tightly. Nina Simone, 1960’s.

“M’not going anywhere, you know.”

“You still lived an entire lifetime—”

“I did, yes, thank you for constantly reminding me that I’m over 100 years old.” You shook your head at him, sighing softly when he chuckled.

You couldn’t blame him, for clinging to every bit of past he’d missed while he was in HYDRA’s clutches – you knew that was inevitable, but you wished that such sorrow wasn’t so related to you.

“What are you doin’?” He asked as you summoned a small stool from the side of your shelf and stepped on it.

“I want to show you somethin’.” The thing you were looking for was stored at the very top: a heavy, brown leather suitcase that almost made you lose your balance when you pulled it from the spot it had been sitting in for—honestly, years, many of them.

The contents of the suitcase rattled as you climbed down and sat next to Bucky again. Sinatra still playing, telling his lover I've got you under my skin, I've got you, deep in the heart of me;

You almost laughed from the truth and irony of it.

I'd tried so, not to give in

I said to myself this affair never will go so well

You unlocked the suitcase, revealing the gathered memories inside. Pictures, movie tickets, theater playbooks, receipts, trinkets. All souvenirs of the 80 something years of your life Bucky hadn’t been there to see.

Not organized in the slightest, the keepsakes of your life were tossed together and out of order just as in your memory: photographs of you in uniform, and sometimes in party dresses; of when you bought your house; of the few times you had pets. Posing next to famous people and other important ones whose names weren’t as well known by the world.

As you and Bucky went through each of them, you added a story or an explanation, sometimes both, to fill him in on the details of your life events. He laughed at some, frowned at a lot, stared at you intently for all of them.

“Is this Berlin?”

You hummed, nodding. “1989. That party was great.”

“Party?” Bucky knitted his eyebrows in surprise.

“The city was unified, the wall was being taken down, and everyone was celebrating. I’ve never seen that many bottles of vodka in one place.” You laughed, taking a good look at yourself in the picture.

The 80’s were definitely not your best decade, looks wise. You had tried a perm the year before, and the poodle look was only then starting to dial down. The beginnings of a bruise were starting to creep on your left eye, from the mission you had completed just a few hours before.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been that drunk.”

Bucky’s surprise intensified, his eyes wide. “We can’t get drunk.”

“Yes we can.”

“No, no we can’t.”

“We can, in fact. It’s all a matter of quantity and, well, speed.” You giggled as Bucky’s mouth gaped more.

“And the hangover?”

“Horrible. Like getting shot on the forehead. Comes quickly, too.”

He grimaced, and with one last look – certainly to register your peculiar appearance on his mind – gently put the picture back inside the suitcase. A stack of papers seemed to call out to him and he picked it up, releasing them from the band that held them together carefully.

Postcards of the places you’ve been: a small note to James Barnes and Steve Rogers on the back of each one.

Bucky’s voice faltered. He let out an anguished little sound, probably something that was supposed to be an Oh, or a What, but had no strength to crawl up his throat.

You brought your knees to your chest as you waited for him.

“You—you wrote to us?”

“I did. You can keep those, they’re addressed to you.”

After all this time, you could barely remember the words you wrote in those postcards; all you knew was that some had longer messages, others a simple Wish you were here.

“After we met in Baltimore, I thought that— that you’d have moved on from us.”

From me.

As if that was possible.

“Well, I stopped writing by 2003, give or take. But really,” You sighed. “It’s hard to forget someone when you’ve always been expecting them to come back to you.”

Bucky flipped the postcard from Rome, read the writing and smiled wistfully at it. “And, I did.”

“You did. And staying away was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but—”

“But you’re annoyingly stubborn.” His jaw tightened, then relaxed when he smirked. “I mean, I get it – If the roles were reversed, I’d leave you rebuild your life without me like a self-sacrificing idiot too.”

Alright. That was fair.

Shaking your head, you watched as he slipped the postcards in his pocket, an amused expression on his face.

“That was… a big mistake. Something a self-sacrificing idiot would do,” You screwed your eyes shut in shame, opening them when Bucky chuckled. “but now, I’m right here. And so are you.”

His stubble scratched the soft skin of your palm when you reached for him, and you continued. “We’re a little out of place in this century, that much is true, but if I’m being honest… I’m getting tired of yearning for the past, Buck.”

Good old times – sometimes really good, sometimes bad, every one of them old – tucked away in your heart like your records were tucked in neatly in their shelf, organized by year. As you went through the decades, your enhanced body eternizing you like marble, your heart seemingly stayed at that army camp overseas. Or maybe Sergeant Bucky Barnes had taken it with him, only for them to be frozen together, leaving you with an empty hole in your chest.

You lived your life longing for that missing piece, the one with blue eyes and the dashing smile and the skilled feet.

The one that in many other stories was the one that got away, the one who now believed he was somebody else, but had brought your heart back with him all the same.

The very heart that nearly leapt out of your chest when Bucky rested his forehead against yours.

You’ve never been this close – there isn’t an ounce of past in the gesture. His eyes being tightly closed kept him from seeing the surprise on your eyes and then how they fell to his lips for a millisecond. Then, those lips brushed against yours in a featherlike touch.

I would sacrifice anything, come what might

For the sake of having you near

He pried himself off you when you exhaled, as if your very breath had electrocuted him.

“M’sorry. I—I didn’t—” He said as you stared at the back of his neck, and the shock gives way to disappointment.

I didn’t mean to. Or maybe: I didn’t want to.

“That’s—it’s okay.” You clapped your hands on your knees, still feeling the prickle of his facial hair on them, and got up to change the music.

There was no doubt Bucky was touch starved, and that he probably craved the closeness that comes with a lover. He sought that for a fleeting second in Sam’s sister, and now in you. No point in dwelling on what it might have meant.

Right?

Looking at Bucky, his expression was overcast, furrowed eyebrows as he watched you from his spot on the floor. You offered him a gentle smile, and the crease on his forehead eased up slightly.

Right.

Don't you know little fool, you never can win

The record player made a scratching sound as you replaced Frank Sinatra with your go-to jazz compilation. Instrumental.

No lyrics.

There was one thing you’ve always been good at, regarding the infatuation with Bucky Barnes that has taken over your heart for almost a century now: locking the feelings away and stepping into the shoes of the best friend.

Besides, you’ve said it yourself: no more yearning for the past. Hopefully you and Bucky would be able to do that soon enough.

At that moment, however, you needed to feel the burn of whiskey down your throat and pretend it’ll heal the calcinating rejection spreading through your chest.

The guilt you found in Bucky’s eyes as he watched you sweep around your hardwood floors made you pour a glass for him.

He took it gratefully, frowning when you bottomed the whole thing up.

“There’s a lot in here.” He tapped the edge of the suitcase, skillfully steering the conversation in the direction of the more palatable, calm territory it was in before.

The sight of your autobiographical collection made you smile.

“An entire lifetime,” You said, fishing your dog tags from the bottom. “I suppose that’s where it started. Or at least, where thisstarted.”

Bucky took them reverentially, running his thumb over the imprint of your name and numbers.

He reached for his neck, producing from under his Henley the same type of metal chain he was holding in his hands. The fact that he still wore his like that sent a sharp blow to your lungs, almost knocking the air out of you.

His face softened, a smile so beautiful spreading across his lips, so much that your chest clenched in protest because it was simply not fair, how he still had you entirely.

He deposited both of your dog tags in your hands, and that’s when you saw it, and remembered it.

“Won’t we get in trouble for this?”

“Do you care?”

“Well…No.” You sighed, already resigned. And a little excited.

Bucky knew you well: it had been too long of being a good little soldier when all you were used to was the rush of being a hellion.

“And that is why, sugar, that I’m doing this with you, and not with Steve.”

The words made your heart soar, but you were sure to recapture it before it could fly away too high, still too attached to the sensation of the take-off to clip its wings.

You liked flying.

“And because Steve hasn’t been successful in his enlisting efforts. Yet.”

Bucky looked at you from behind his eyebrows, a reprimand hiding in his eyes, but he decided to shove his uniform hat on your head instead. You grumbled, calling him a jerk under your breath.

It was the night before Bucky was drafted to England. He looked handsome in his uniform, a shining, polished star, brighter than the sun even under the dim streetlight you two stood under.

After bringing his and Steve’s dates home (yours was lost to another boxing match along the way – not that you were crying about that) Bucky had decided he was going to stay up all night, because, in his words, he could sleep when the war was over. Or, more realistically, in the ship on the way to England.

So there you two were, illuminated by street lamps and moonlight, visiting the façades and front windows of your favorite places in Brooklyn like drifters in the night.

Bucky still concentrated on his task, his shoulder hunched slightly to block your sight.

“Let me see! Bucky!”

“ ’Sposed to be a surprise! I’m almost done.”

You huffed, crossing your arms. “It’s not like I haven’t seen ‘em before.”

“You gotta be more patient. Here.”

He dropped your dog tags on your hand. You displayed the small steel plates on your palm, scanning your eyes over the two. One of them, of course, had your name, number, blood type, next of kin – an aunt you’ve never met – and address.

The other had Bucky’s.

James B Barnes. 32557038.

He slipped his own chain over his head, the plate with your name clinking against his.

You brought the tips of your fingers to your lips, feeling a smile begin to form onto them.

“I forgot we did this. I haven’t looked at these in so long.”

You had stopped wearing your dog tags the day the war had ended – Bucky was gone then, Steve too, and the weight of his dog tags slamming against your chest was too much to bear – your heart was already heavy with its own engraving of their memories.

“Steve had a lecture prepared when he gave mine back.” Bucky chuckled when you looked up at him, incredulous.

You shook your head, half exasperated and half amused. “Good grief, Steve.”

“Y’know how he is. Was,” He trailed, lips twitching as they formed a thin line.

You reached for him, your hand hovering in the space between you for a second before Bucky took it, lacing your fingers. Scooting closer, you let your cheek rest on his shoulder.

“He’d be glad we’re reunited.” You said, raising your head to peek at him and the newfound upwards curl of his lip. “And mortified we’re still bickering.”

Bucky smiled and squeezed your hand. “Old people. Old habits.”

Laughter bubbled out of your chest, and you realized a few things.

In that moment, it didn’t matter – the heartache, the unrequited side of your love. It was just a fact, a fact of life, of your life, that you a lot of the times loved him as more than your best friend. You loved him. And that was the core of it, the most important fact.

And you knew he loved you – you had each other – in this big, ever-changing, modern world, you had Bucky and Bucky had you.

You sat in comfortable, familiar silence until your eyelids grew heavy and you felt yourself drifting in and out of consciousness.

“You dozin’ on me, sugar?”

“It’s been a long day.” You said with your eyes still closed, feeling him chuckle beside you.

“Tell me about it. I can go—”

“You know damn well you should stay.” You patted his arm and hoisted yourself up from the floor. “I’ll get the pull-up ready for you.”

As you sauntered towards the office, ignoring his pleads and protests that he’s got it, he doesn’t need sheets or anything, you put your dog tags back on.

They jingled lightly against your heart.

Maybe you didn’t have to leave all of the past behind to start building something good and new, after all.

[transmandrake]

Having a lot of thoughts. I know for a fact I'm autistic, no doubt about that, but I'm starting to think I have ADHD now perhaps.

This was never an issue before but I absolutely cannot stop walking around and switching tasks. I have 2 very interesting books on the counters of the kitchen that I'm literally reading a page of then continuing to walk in circles. I drew some stuff this morning in the middle of this, very fun and good but I have to move. I wanted to play a bit of Hades the past few days and even though its very fun even that isn't stopping me from repeatedly walking around, even 'til my legs hurt.

I've been describing this as 'oh, I have to walk around for a few hours in the morning before I can sit down and work' but now even hours isn't wearing me out. Hell, being worn out isn't getting me to sit. I'm musing on getting a standing desk which would be nice anyway but that's not a solution if the problem is that I can't... focus.

It is a problem I have. I can't write, even if I know something. I don't know how I passed English, I barely gave in any work. Part of why I make a comic and not a book. Even when I write a line my brain feels like a magnet repelling from the page, not even in an unpleasant way, I just have to get up. Then come back... oh, where was I, figure out what I was previously writing, get up again because that took effort and time... it goes nowhere. I have to ride a bout of focus or bust. I can't even rely on deadline panic, I only panic AFTER the deadline. WHY!

Its an absurd thought but. What if I've always been like this and its only now becoming a problem now we've 'fixed' my periods? What if the only reason I was so good at sitting down and doing stuff is because I didnt have the energy to move? I mean, the writings always been a problem but now everything feels like writing. ...Have I just been losing pints of blood every month for so long that I convinced myself I'm a naturally sessile and dormant person? I've never felt this good and alive my entire life yet ironically I've never been this unproductive!

Not to mention, I do crave carbs and sugar, and do on occasion find drinking cola to focus me. But I also get quite a hype off both (even the carbs. Ever get super pumped eating some toast? Just me?) so I'm not sure if that's a clue or not. I will never ever try coffee No Matter How Nice It Smells so I can't take any ideas from that. If it did focus me I know I'd get addicted to it, and addiction is very. Very. Very strong. In my family. Can't risk it.

I definitely don't hyperfocus on anything though, not like how I see other people with ADHD do (All my other siblings and my mom are). On occasion I'll have a burst of focus for something but never for more than, say, a week. Usually a single day. I think that's.... 'normal'. Had incredible Spamton brainrot, drew like. 2 pages of him, and my brain said, 'okay, I'm done' and that was it, wierd as hell feeling. Literally felt the fixation lift. I never finish videogames unless they are very short because I cannot focus on them long enough. Even if the passion comes back, I restart the game, because its been ages since I last played. There are some games Ive had dozens of playthroughs in and hundreds of hours sunk, and not a single one I've gotten to the end of.

What keeps me running is definitely my special interests... there aren't many of them, but they are always there, and I can always reliably count on them for... brain occupation. I do not get bored often. My boredom comes from being unable to engage with them, not from a lack of wanting to. However they are weak and the focus off of them does not override the Walkies anymore. I still want to do them, but I can't.

Shame even an unsuccessful assessment would be so expensive... BUT if I want to reapply for disability (please... I am... not capable of typical work schedules...also free trains so I dont have pressure to learn to drive...) I need some formal diagnosis...

I still want a proper autism one (I have one already but its shit and evidently wasnt enough) but it'd be more efficient and cost effective to see about possible ADHD rather than getting a bunch of paper telling me stuff I already know.

[megarywrites]

(from @flowerprose) 13 & 19!

thank you @flowerprose!

13 | What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

well, a part of Thala's story deals with sexual assault, which isn't exactly an easy topic to delve into. I do hope I'm doing this particular plot line justice as for easy, I'd probably say relationships in general, of any variety. I love exploring how different characters interact with each other it's one of my favorite parts of the writing process lol

19 | Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

oh boy laksdjfla let's see how long i let this get. I actually got into writing because of my sister! she'd been working on a developing a fantasy retelling of Sleeping Beauty while she was in college and she had been bouncing ideas off of me for a while. I was at work (at a bakery, just for the setting of it all lol) and listening to this song by Celtic Thunder and I started thinking about the book she was writing because she wanted to go with a Celtic-inspired fantasy world and when I got home I wrote down the entire plot (eleven pages front to back, hand-written lmao) for what would be our first book together (aka the wip that I'll switch to when i finish the first draft of Seafoam). A few years went by, we eventually moved in together and I thought that was great because it'd be the first time we were living together since we started writing these books (we were two books in at the time), but then she ended up not wanting to continue writing together and so she gave me what is now Dracrie. it really threw me off for a while, and I strongly considered quitting writing because I didn't think I'd be able to write a good enough story without her help. But, gradually, I found my way back after a few false starts. and then I got hit with the insane urge to dedicate four years to writing a nearly 700k+ word fanfic and so i got derailed from my book series. Do I regret it? Sorta? in like, I wish I could have dedicated that time to working on my series. but I also don't regret it, because I met some of my closest friends through the comments of that fic, and writing something that long helped me realized that: - i could write a complete story that people would stick with and love until the end - i could do it on my own during this time, I had the idea for Seafoam, and I knew the longer I thought about it that I wanted it to be my debut novel. I finished the fic almost a year ago, and like the day after I finished, I went on a mini vacation to the beach and started chapter 1 of Seafoam lol that's where I am now, and i'm honestly so proud of my progress. I've gotten really confident in my abilities in the 10+ years i've been writing, and I'm very content being on my own, because it means i don't have to compromise when it comes to my characters and the plots i devise. where i'm going? well, hopefully I'll be published sooner rather than later, but I want whatever I publish to be as polished as humanly possible, so I'm okay with giving myself the space and time to do that. as to whether i'll be trad or self published, i'm still undecided but currently leaning more towards self

send me weird writing asks?