#i'd call it my main blog but i've been spending a lot of time on here and my multi so

[dunnewithyou-arch]

sometimes you scroll through the tick tick boom tag on your personal blog to remember why you're doing this

[flightfoot]

How Alya's mistreated by the saltdom and the writers

I've written this for the @yall-hate-kids-tourney, but figured that I'd publish it on my own tumblr as well for an easy reference point for others who want to illustrate how badly Alya's been treated - mostly by the fandom, but she's been somewhat screwed over by the writing as well. I've written it so that even people who have never heard of Miraculous before can understand my problems with the way Alya's often depicted, and I will probably use this essay for that purpose repeatedly in the future. It's over 4500 words, so buckle up!

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The amount of hatred Alya gets in the fandom is absolutely insane. There are over 800 fics tagged with "Alya Cesaire Bashing", and that's just the ones that actually TAG it - many of them either use a a non-canonical tag or just take their demonization of her as canon. It's not just that a lot of fics bash her either, but that the fics that bash her are disproportionately popular. If you go through the "Miraculous Ladybug" tag on AO3 and sort by kudos, I'd say around a third of the top 500 most popular fics use this gross caricature of her in order to justify inflicting some sort of insane punishment on her, or at least replacing her with "better" friends and leaving her to wail in despair.

Basically, Alya is the best friend of the main character, Marinette. She's really into superheroes and aims to be a reporter someday, to the point that the first time a supervillain cropped up in the series, she immediately got out her bike and cycled after him so that she could be there when a superhero showed up to fight him (Lois Lane would be proud). She runs a blog called the "Ladyblog" which reports on what the superheroes are doing, and sometimes makes some fun videos, like about the most impressive feats of one of the superheroes. 

More relevantly though, she acts as Marinette's support a lot of the time, often being the one to push her to confess her feelings to Adrien, to help her with plans she comes up with, to talk things out with if she's having trouble processing something, and trying to act as the voice of reason if Marinette's gotten to into her own head. It can sometimes head into Black Best Friend territory of having her mostly stick around to support her bestie, but she DOES get a decent amount of screentime and focus at least.

Then the first episode of season 3 aired, and the fandom went BALLISTIC.

This character, Lila, debuted back at the end of season 1 as being this attention-seeking liar who pretended that she knew a lot more famous people than she actually did, including being best friends with Ladybug. Alya, being a naive 14-year-old, believed her and put Lila's interview on her blog. Since Marinette IS Ladybug, she knew this was not true, though she was initially more freaked out about the possibility that Adrien (the boy she has a crush on) would find her supposedly amazing life to be entrancing and that Lila would steal Adrien away from her, to the point that she actively wanted to stop Lila and Adrien from spending time together to prevent Adrien from falling for her.

Fast-forward to Chameleon, the first episode of season 3, and Lila's back and lying some more, this time about having Tinnitus (which would mean that she needs to sit at the front of class, next to Adrien). The class has a whole seating rearrangement in order to accommodate the move, and because some of them just wanted to change seats. Since Marinette was late that day, she didn't get to give input, so she wound up sitting alone at the back of the class, instead of next to Alya like she usually did. She's upset by this, but can't prove that Lila doesn't actually have the disability (she doesn't even have evidence that Lila doesn't have hearing problems, it's just that her story of how she supposedly got the disability is suspect), so she puts up with it for the class period.

Then lunch time rolls around and Marinette tells Alya and Alya's boyfriend, Nino, that Lila's a lying liar who lies. Alya asks why Marinette hates her so much, since she barely knows Lila (this isn't the first time that Marinette's nitpicked at Lila's stories, but she's never actually managed to prove that Lila's lying, Lila's good at coming up with explanations for any hole Marinette exposes in her tales). Marinette tells her how, after Lila first arrived at school, she followed her and Adrien, eavesdropped on them, and then saw Ladybug show up and tear into Lila for not knowing her. (Presumably that's what she says, the episode skipped past her actual recounting of what she saw). Alya and Nino are more concerned with the fact that she stalked Lila and Adrien, with Alya also being skeptical that what she heard might have been out-of-context, given how common out-of-context eavesdropping is in fiction for causing issues, with Alya saying, "A good reporter always verifies her sources. Can you prove she doesn't actually know Ladybug?"

Since Marinette can't actually prove anything without revealing that she's Ladybug, she decides that the sane and reasonable thing to do is to throw a wadded up napkin at Lila while she's eating lunch, and when she catches it (Lila's pretending to have a sprained wrist), to loudly declare that she obviously doesn't have a sprained wrist. Lila quickly pretends that catching it did actually hurt, the classmates Lila was sitting with scold Marinette for hurting her, and then Marinette goes off to seethe in a bathroom, where Lila finds her and threatens to turn her friends against her if she continues trying to expose her lies. 

Then at the end of the episode, Adrien goes to sit with Marinette at the back of the class to keep her company, the teacher thinks that Marinette ALSO has hearing issues so she's brought back to the front (and away from Adrien again), Lila pretends that her hearing has been fixed so she can sit at the back with Adrien, and Alya spots that Marinette looks miserable about sitting alone at the front, so she chooses to sit next to Marinette to keep her company and everyone ends up going back to their old places, except that Lila's sitting at the back of the class now.

And that's it. That is, for the most part, what kicked off the entire Alya hatred and demonization onslaught. While there ARE more things that happening in following episodes, they have a pretty small effect on the demonization Alya's put through, almost all of it is derived from Chameleon and hasn't changed much since then.

So for starters, in fanfics Alya is often made to ditch Marinette constantly to hang out with Lila instead. This never happens. She's often exasperated when Marinette starts talking about how Lila is awful and points out that she doesn't have proof of that, but she doesn't avoid Marinette, and the closest she ever comes to hanging out with Lila outside of class events is when she called Lila over to babysit hers and Nino's younger siblings when Marinette canceled at the last minute.

But most Alya-bashing fics don't just leave it there. Oh no. If you look through a bunch of the most popular Miraculous fics, you'll see Alya made out to be some sort of ringleader for the class in bullying Marinette, hitting her, pinching her, poisoning her, destroying her things, saying nasty, heinous things to her, the works, and inciting the rest of the class to do the same, sometimes to the point that even LILA is shocked at her cruelty. Usually in these cases, Chloe, who is canonically the class bully (and Marinette's bully in particular) is inexplicably Marinette's primary protector against the eeeeeevil Alya, becoming Marinette's best friend and support and basically taking on Alya's canon role and some of her personality traits, despite the fact that canonically, Chloe's as susceptible to Lila's lies as anyone else, and that in season 5 Chloe actually became Lila's partner in crime in trying to hurt Marinette in particular. (I don't like how Chloe's treated in canon, but that's a different story).

I've never even seen any justification given for why Alya's so frequently made to be outright violent or cruel towards Marinette, it's just widely accepted in fiction now, even with nothing pointing to her ever being malicious like that. There ARE other things Alya canonically does that I see her taken to task over though, but that fall apart when you examine them.

One of the biggest offenders is criticism towards Alya over how she handles babysitting. In Christmaster, Alya and Nino pick up Nino's little brother after Marinette babysits him for them while they're on a date, in Timetagger, Marinette's slated to babysit for them while they're on a date but cancels at the last minute, so they call Lila over instead, and then in Simple Man, Marinette books herself to babysit Alya's and Nino's younger siblings and the daughter of one's of her mom's friends, a little girl named Manon, all at the same time.

Alya receives heavy criticism for not paying Marinette for her babysitting, for having Marinette babysit for her secretly behind her parents' back without their knowledge, and for pressuring Marinette to babysit for her even though Marinette's so busy.

A few problems with this.

1. We see babysitting happen several times, sometimes with Alya helping Marinette with babysitting Manon and sometimes with Marinette just babysitting Manon without anyone else's involvement. At no point is payment brought up, and yet the absence of such a discussion is only ever used to demonize Alya.

2. There is no evidence that the babysitting Marinette does for Alya's sake is done behind her parents' back, the only thing pointing to that is a lack of Alya ever flat-out saying that she has her parents' permission to have Marinette babysit for her, but there's no evidence of sneaking around. MARINETTE, however, DOES canonically ditch her babysitting duties by having Alya babysit for her without the parent's knowledge. In Prime Queen, Marinette accidentally double books herself to do an interview as Ladybug at the same time that she's supposed to be babysitting Manon, so she calls Alya over to watch the interview with her, lies to her that she's just gonna go downstairs for a few minutes to talk with her parents and for Alya to please watch over Manon while she does that, and then leaves to do the interview while Alya watches over Manon the whole time. Nadja definitely didn't know that this happened, because she was surprised and worried when Alya and Manon called in during the interview with Marinette nowhere to be seen. In addition to this, in Simpleman, Marinette foists off all the children she's babysitting onto her grandpa against his will so that she can run off and help with Adrien's photoshoot after he calls her. The people demonizing Alya for supposedly having Marinette babysit for her secretly are not upset about the examples of Marinette canonically doing these things.

3. Of the three times that Marinette has, to date, been scheduled to babysit for Alya's sake (Christmaster, Timetagger, and Simpleman), for Christmaster she spent the next several hours after finishing with babysitting making Adrien's 50th birthday present (he's currently 14 years old), so I wouldn't say she was pressed for time, for Timetagger, she literally called Alya at the last minute to say she was too busy to babysit and Alya said it was no biggie and made other arrangements, and for Simpleman, Alya offered to cancel her date and take care of her younger siblings herself the instant she saw that Marinette was already babysitting Manon, and Marinette told her to go ahead and go on her date and that she'd look after her siblings.

So clearly, the people clutching their pearls about how horribly irresponsibly Alya is handling babysitting and how she's wronging Marinette in the process don't actually care about babysitting ethics here, because otherwise, Marinette would be getting the brunt of the hatred, not Alya. Despite this, I've seen a fair number of posts in the past tearing into Alya's babysitting for the reasons I already gave, and a bunch of fics that make it so that Alya pressures and guilt-trips Marinette into babysitting for her when she's struggling to keep up with all her work, only to have her parents find out and be horrified by how Alya's lied to them about who's been doing the babysitting and that Alya's been getting an increased allowance because of that, so they pay Marinette out of Alya's allowance and ground her, take away privileges, just have this be used as an excuse to punish Alya for supposedly wronging Marinette.

And then there's the subcategory of Alya demonization towards her for putting up Lila's interview on her blog without verifying that Lila was telling the truth. Admittedly, this was foolish, but she's 14. Retractions exist for a reason. And yet, fics frequently have her reputation be completely destroyed because she put up one interview that had a false statement by the interviewee in it, and sometimes even to be completely blacklisted from ever being a journalist in the future, things that are completely insane and would have even the most storied and well-respected of reporters be unable to ever get a job. 

She also frequently gets demonized and bashed for "believing Lila over Marinette". My major issue with this: what she's specifically believing Lila over Marinette for is on the topic of "is Lila an awful person". I don't think it's unreasonable to have a higher standard of proof for believing that someone is an awful person than for believing that your friend might just have some biased interpretations. Alya thinks that Marinette doesn't like Lila mostly because Lila has hit on Adrien, Marinette's crush, before. This isn't unreasonable considering that Marinette's first reaction to Lila is to freak out about her stealing Adrien away, and that when this other girl, Kagami, started hanging out with Adrien, she freaked out about that too. Specifically, she called a meeting of all her female friends to try and stop Kagami and Adrien from going away together to London for the weekend in Backwarder, helped Chloe in trying to get Kagami covered in food at a fancy red carpet movie opening in order to drive her away and steal her seat next to Adrien for the movie, and when she and Kagami were paired up for a "friend-making game" where the goal was to locate where Adrien was in Paris and the prize was to spend time with him, she pretended to genuinely want to be Kagami's friend so she could sabotage both of them and prevent Kagami from spending time with Adrien. So it's not like the belief that Marinette might be unfairly biased against Lila because she's made moves on Adrien is an unfair assumption.

In addition to that, on the occasions when Lila HAS tried to frame Marinette for something, Alya hasn't believed it, or hasn't been shown to believe it at least. In Ladybug, Lila tries to frame Marinette for cheating on a test, for stealing a necklace from her, and for knocking her down the stairs. Despite the evidence Lila planted, Alya doesn't believe it and investigates to try and find out what really happened. She doesn't uncover any solid proof, but she still believes in Marinette. She doesn't believe that Marinette's assumption that Lila's behind this is necessarily correct, since Marinette's leaping to that without presenting proof, but she doesn't believe that Marinette's the culprit either. And in the two following cases when Marinette's framed, Alya never actually gets a chance to say what she believes after the accusation is made against Marinette.

Just... the amount of demonization towards Alya TO THIS DAY, often for things she NEVER EVEN FREAKING DID, is absolutely insane. Even over 5 years since Chameleon aired, fics with Alya being made into this malicious, awful bully so that Marinette can get some new friends to publicly denounce her, get her arrested, or otherwise be punished are frequently on the front page of the most recently updated fics on AO3, and are often some of the most popular ones. If you go to "Fandom-Specific plot" on Tvtropes, saltfics like these have multiple files going through all the common salt tropes. When looking through fics, I frequently search for Alya's name because she's often the first person to be unfairly demonized, so if she's safe, then everyone likely is. 

I suspect that racism plays a major factor in this. It doesn't make sense that Alya's often painted as being a violent, malicious bully and leader in getting the rest of the class to physically hurt and terrorize Marinette, I haven't even seen analysis arguing that she'd do that... but it tracks with the "Black Brute" archetype. This becomes even more obvious with Chloe, who's white and canonically DOES do some of this stuff, taking on Alya's canon role and some of her personality traits in these sorts of stories.

Then there's the standard Alya's held to for how she handles her blog. It's way higher than anyone would hold real-world reporters to, much less 14-year-olds. But it makes sense if you factor racial bias into account, and how Alya, being Black, is going to be held to a higher standard than anyone else, and be punished more for failing to meet that standard.

For things like the babysitting double standard, it makes no sense if you're actually looking at the stated criticism, given that the same criticism isn't leveled at Marinette... but it makes perfect sense if you're going off the assumption that Alya, as Marinette's Black Best Friend, is supposed to solely function as her support and that she's simply fulfilling her duties by always being there for her when needed, including for babysitting, but that if Marinette ever attempts to repay in kind, then Alya's being unfair towards her because Alya's obligated to always support Marinette, but that relationship is supposed to be a one-way street. Alya is supposed to function as Marinette's support, never the other way around.

And as for the way Alya's demonized for asking for evidence before believing that Lila's lying, well... again, Alya's expected to act as Marinette's support, and her "failing" that in any way, even if it makes sense from her point of view, is viewed as a betrayal. She's supposed to be loyal to Marinette, and only to Marinette, not to think for herself or to have multiple other friends or values that she needs to weigh. And anything that she does to go against that "justifies" Marinette intentionally trying to hurt and punish her for failing to live up to her role.

In conclusion, the way Alya's treated by the salt side of the fandom is grossly unfair, often has little connection with anything she canonically did, and has some gross racist implications, and is likely at least partially spurred on by racism, especially with how common and popular it still is to this day.

Addendum: How Alya is screwed over by the writers.

While Alya is primarily screwed over by the fanbase, there are some aspects of the writing that exacerbate her ill treatment. In season 4, Marinette confesses her secret identity to Alya, letting her know that she is Ladybug. Despite now knowing why Marinette was so convinced that Lila wasn't friends with Ladybug, and that Lila's interview stating that she's best friends with Ladybug is a lie, the subject just... never comes up, even when Lila starts being important again. It's not that Alya's ignoring what Lila lying on those subjects means, it's more like the writers just completely forgot that Lila told those particular lies, since Marinette doesn't bring them up either. This creates an inconsistency with the fanbase, who really, really, REALLY haven't forgotten those lies. 

There ARE ways to explain this - Lila lying about being friends with Ladybug in order to try to boost her reputation, especially when she's the new girl, isn't really all that heinous. Marinette lies a lot as well, even if you don't count lies told to protect her secret identity or other "necessary" lies, sometimes out of embarrassment, sometimes to to try and prevent someone's feelings from getting hurt, and sometimes because she thinks it's the fastest, easiest, or most certain way to get the outcome she wants. And yet, even though Marinette lies a lot, she's not ostracized for that since it's usually not for malicious reasons - foolish reasons at times, but rarely malicious. It would make sense that Lila too, wouldn't be thought too badly of for merely lying in an attempt to make friends.

None of that actually comes up though. Alya later, in Confrontation, states that, "Marinette, you know we'll always believe you. But every time you've accused Lila, there's been no evidence. And at worst, it was just a misunderstanding." Marinette doesn't say anything about the previous times Lila has been proven to lie, so it seems like either it was decided offscreen that the more understandable lies she's told don't matter, or that the writers just plain forgot about them.

There were other opportunities created by Alya knowing Marinette's identity that were ignored. Alya concludes that Adrien backing up Marinette's statement that Lila's bad news was just due to him wanting to defend his girlfriend. This is also a bit of a writing flaw, while wanting to back up his girlfriend's stance IS a decent reason for Adrien to be biased against Lila, this is Adrien we're talking about here. He's nice and understanding to a fault, and is known for giving people the benefit of the doubt and second chances. It makes far less sense to believe that he'd believe the worst of Lila, even if Marinette does, than it does for Marinette to be biased against Lila. That being said, Adrien wouldn't have been present for Lila's more indisputable threats and statements directed against Marinette, so he can't actually verify for sure whether or not there could've been some misunderstanding.

There WAS, however, someone who was always with Marinette, and who could actually back up Marinette's statements more definitively. 

Tikki. She was present for every threat Lila made, for everything she ever claimed. While it's possible that both Tikki and Marinette may have misunderstood Lila in the same way, it's far less likely, especially since Tikki would have had different biases from Marinette. Tikki could be an important witness. Yet that never comes up, is never proposed, because that would end the plotline too quickly. 

Alya was also screwed over in the immediate aftermath of Lila being exposed, though not by the writers per se? There was a short scene planned after Lila's exposed where Alya apologizes for not believing Marinette about Lila being a liar and generally an awful person, we've even got leaked footage of it, but it appears that it was cut somewhere between being written and voice acted, and the episode being aired. 

All of this only really affects detailed arguments about how well (or poorly) Alya's story arc with Lila was handled, its affect on the actual fanfiction produced about Chameleon salt was minimal, I saw no change in its frequency, severity, or general handling of the characters with any season after season 3. I highly doubt that even the changes I suggested here would have done much to persuade the saltdom against Ron the Death Eatering Alya, especially since a lot of the hatred against her has so little to do with the show.

There IS some hatred thrown at Alya for non-Lila related reasons - well, reasons that aren't DIRECTLY Lila related, most of that hatred still stems from people hating her for Chameleon stuff and then retroactively justifying it by looking back at other things she did that irked them. The most common one (that actually has some sort of argument to it, not the "Alya's a horrible babysitter and is abusing her friendship with Marinette" nonsense I listed in the main essay) is that Alya's pushy about getting Marinette together with Adrien. 

This is more a product of Alya's usual role in the story than anything. I mentioned in the main essay how Alya sometimes falls into "Black Best Friend" territory, and this is one of the biggest examples. One of her most common roles throughout the series is as the person who pushes Marinette to actually confess to Adrien, to hang out with him, to pursue her romantic desires even with her anxiety holding her back, and to be honest with herself during the times when she's trying to deny her feelings for him. She's Marinette's sounding board whenever she's having an anxiety spiral about... actually, just about anything, and acts as the voice of reason when Marinette gets in her own head too much.

Thus, Alya sets Marinette and Adrien to end up somewhere alone together, or tries to push her to talk to him, or to be honest during the times when she tries to "move on" from Adrien by denying that she still has feelings for him (which is blatantly untrue). She IS okay with Marinette dating someone else though, if she honestly seems to want to do that. She had no problem with her dating Luka, for instance. She DID protest Marinette's seemingly sudden interest in Chat Noir, but that was mostly because Marinette seemed to be grabbing at her new attraction as an attempt to run away from her feelings for Adrien, something that Tikki ALSO noted.

That's another thing - Alya's the character who's most frequently thrown into this role, but she's not the only one, nor even the most extreme one. A new character that was introduced for the Miraculous New York Special, Jess, observed how Adrien and Marinette acted around each other, and decided to try to get them to confess their love by faking a supervillain attack on them, with the supervillain kidnapping anyone that no one loves in order to compel Marinette to FINALLY confess to Adrien. (Alya thought it was stupid, but agreed to help since it might actually work). When Marinette, Adrien, Luka, and Kagami went out to the wax museum together, Luka intentionally locked Adrien and Marinette in a room together so that Marinette would stop running away and would be forced to talk to Adrien. Marinette is written in such a way that other characters are compelled to meddle in her lovelife, because otherwise she'll continue making her own extreme plans and pining away, but never actually confess her feelings. 

So while Alya could be said to be "pushy" to an extent, it's mostly for Marinette's benefit. I would like if this was a less frequent role for Alya - I think it does her a disservice, since it locks her firmly into Marinette's orbit rather than emphasizing who Alya is as her own character. Most of the hatred towards Alya for this is tied up in "Die For Our Ship" being directed at Adrien though, with Adrien bashers hating that Alya's trying to set Marinette up with what they see as an inferior option. Ironically enough, while Alya's role in this situation is one of the primary examples in the show of her being treated by the writers as a "Black Best Friend" who exists to serve Marinette's character, it's actually one of the cases where I think racism is a pretty minor part of the hatred by the fanbase over it, since I think that's mostly motivated by hatred towards the Lovesquare.

In conclusion (again), there is an issue with the writers bending Alya's character in order to tell a particular story, particularly a Marinette-centered story, while ignoring how little sense that makes with what happened earlier on in the plotline, or how it centralizes Alya's role and character around Marinette in ways that exacerbate already existing writing patterns in media. 

[yourpenpaldee]

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ WRITEBLR INTRODUCTION.

I don't usually put myself out there as it makes me nervous. But I've been a lurker for way too long, and it's about time I step out of my comfort zone. So, hello! I'm Dee (she/her), twenty-two, and have found my voice with storytelling.

Writing has always been a passion of mine, and continues to be the tool I turn to when I need an outlet to freely express myself. I have, unfortunately, hit a rough patch with consistency, and I'm here to bring all of that motivation and inspiration back. Especially since there are one too many WIPs sitting on the backburner, and they're all calling my name.

As someone who loves to dip their toes into every genre of fiction, I will read anything that peaks my interest. However, when it comes to creating, my works usually fall under romance and mystery. With practice, I intend on branching out into other genres I don't write often. There's a lot to explore in the world of writing, and I don't want to limit myself to only two categories.

Creating this blog provides me the space I need to accomplish the many goals I often dream of achieving. I acknowledge that it all starts with the ability to hold myself accountable. To show up for myself. To become comfortable with the uncomfortable. Putting myself and my projects out into the world is only the first of many steps, and it feels quite liberating.

I aim to use the voice I've found to not only contribute to the progression of POC representation, but to touch on several topics that remain heavily stigmatized in today's media. There’s a joy that runs through my veins every time I see someone like me on my screen or in a book. I feel seen, heard, and proud. I feel important. But as a creator, there’s that itch that can only be scratched when I create. When I make something that lets the next person know that they’re not invisible. That they're valued, loved, and appreciated. That's what I hope for when someone reads a project of mine. For them to feel the same rush of joy flowing through them as it does me.

Wow, I’m a yapper. I'd like to close this intro off with some fun facts, so here are some of my top five favorites with sidenotes because I still want to yap a bit more about the things I adore.

SOLO ARTISTS:

ARI LENNOX ✧ ˚ · . CHOCOLATE POMEGRANATE — GET CLOSE — GOAT — POF — UP LATE

HALSEY ✧ ˚ · . 100 LETTERS — I HATE EVERYBODY — NIGHTMARE — ROMAN HOLIDAY — THE LIGHTHOUSE

HOPE TALA ✧ ˚ · . CHERRIES — EDEN — I CAN'T EVEN CRY — LEAVE IT ON THE DANCEFLOOR — SUNBURN

MELANIE MARTINEZ ✧ ˚ · . ALPHABET BOY — DEAD TO ME — EVIL — NOTEBOOK — STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE

HALIMA ✧ ˚ · . DOWNTOWN — FORD CARDINAL — IF LOVE WAS GREEN — SAMANTHA — TALK

BANDS:

5 SECONDS OF SUMMER ✧ ˚ · . AIRPLANES — BETTER MAN — KILL MY TIME — LONG WAY HOME — TEARS!

FALL OUT BOY ✧ ˚ · . BANG THE DOLDRUMS — CHICAGO IS SO TWO YEARS AGO — HEADFIRST SLIDE INTO COOPERSTOWN ON A BAD BET — NOBODY PUTS BABY IN THE CORNER — WHERE DID THE PARTY GO

FLO ✧ ˚ · . CARDBOARD BOX — FLY GIRL — IMMATURE — SUITE LIFE (FAMILIAR) — WALK LIKE THIS

PARAMORE ✧ ˚ · . BIG MAN, LITTLE DIGNITY — CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE — FRANKLIN — MISGUIDED GHOST — PART II

THE INTERNET ✧ ˚ · . DONTCHA — HOLD ON — LOOK WHAT U STARTED — SOMTHING'S MISSING — SPECIAL AFFAIR

GAMES:

CORAL ISLAND ✧ ˚ · . IF I START LISTING NAMES, I'M GOING TO MENTION EVERYONE. BUT I'M A LOYAL MARK GIRL. AND NOAH... AND MILLIE, EVA, BEN, Y—

DISNEY DREAMLIGHT VALLEY ✧ ˚ · . THIS IS SUCH A COMFORT GAME THAT SOOTHES MY INNER CHILD.

DON'T STARVE [TOGETHER] ✧ ˚ · . I MAY OR MAY NOT STILL SUCK AT THIS GAME AFTER A SOLID THREE YEARS, BUT I'M A WIGFRID MAIN.

STARDEW VALLEY ✧ ˚ · . I LOVE SEBASTIAN AND LEAH, AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL IF I HAVE TO.

THE SIMS 4 ✧ ˚ · . WHERE I SPEND A LOT MORE TIME IN CREATE-A-SIM AND BUILD MODE COMPARED TO PLAYING THE ACTUAL GAME.

TROPES:

FAKE RELATIONSHIP ✧ ˚ · . MHM... JUST SAY YOU LIKE EACH OTHER ALREADY.

FATED MATE ✧ ˚ · . I'M A BIT PICKY ABOUT THIS TROPE THOUGH. THINGS TEND TO MOVE VERY QUICKLY BUT I ENJOY IT NONETHELESS.

FRIENDS TO LOVERS ✧ ˚ · . A CLASSIC THAT DOESN'T NEED AN EXPLANATION.

REUNION ✧ ˚ · . ESPECIALLY IF THEY WERE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS AND THEY REMINISCE OLD MEMORIES, OH MY GOODNESS. I EAT THIS TROPE UP EVERY TIME.

SLOWBURN ✧ ˚ · . NO DOUBT THIS IS MY MOST FAVORITE TROPE. THE BUILDUP TO EVEN THE TINIEST PIVOTAL MOMENT ALWAYS MAKES MY HEART THUMP.

TV SHOWS:

CRIMINAL MINDS ✧ ˚ · . YES, I’LL WATCH ALL 16 SEASONS FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME AND FALL IN LOVE WITH PRENTISS EACH TIME. WE WERE ALSO ROBBED OF BEARDED HOTCH CONTENT.

BRIDGERTON ✧ ˚ · . DO I CRY EVERY TIME I WATCH GEORGE AND CHARLOTTE'S STORY? YES. WILL I CONTINUE TO REWATCH IT AND RECITE THE LINES EVERY TIME SOMETHING REMINDS ME OF IT? ASOLUTELY.

THE BEAR ✧ ˚ · . I WISH I KNEW OF AYO EDEBIRI BEFORE THIS SHOW BECAUSE THAT WOMAN IS AMAZING??? LIKE, HELLO???

THE EQUALIZER ✧ ˚ · . *mini spoiler* STILL CAN'T STOP THINKING OF DANTE'S GRIN WHEN HE GOT TO SEE MEL, ROB, AND HARRY'S LITTLE WORK SPOT FOUR SEASONS LATER.

SWEET MAGNOLIAS ✧ ˚ · . HELEN, MADDIE, AND DANA SUE IS HOW I PICTURE MY FRIENDS AND I IN THE FUTURE. MARGARITA NIGHTS, BEING AUNTIES TO EACH OTHER'S CHILDREN, UGH. I LOVE THEM WHOLEHEARTEDLY.

And that concludes this introduction on me and this blog. I would love to connect and befriend other authors, so please don't hesitate to reach out as my DMs will always be open! I'd love to support and read your works, so don't be hesitant to share them with me if you'd like.

I hope you all will enjoy reading my works as much as I enjoy the process of bringing my ideas to life.

divider creds to strangergraphics ♡

[motherofmisfits]

Hello Mother,

your blog and posts are beautiful. Thank you for making them.

I would like to ask about my heartype, ravens/crows. I crave wings. I crave for the feeling of the weight on my back, the freedom of flying and gliding over the world. I need to preen, I need to run my beak across my chest, getting rid of the loose feathers and cleaning the dirty ones. But I cannot. I am stuck in this body. I can’t even feel my wings, as I do not shift, and meditation doesn’t do anything for me. I have even tried hypnosis, which has little to no effect on me. I just ask for your advice. What can I do to feel like myself again?

Thank you.

Hello, my dear crow.

I know. It is difficult being trapped in a human body. I understand your struggles.

I cannot promise the advice I give will help. I myself am not strongly connected to any winged creatures, though I have a few on my kin questioning list. Even then, I am not strongly connected with them. But here are some ideas I could come up with.

I'd recommend spending some time outside, maybe collect sticks and make a little nest for yourself in your yard. Or you could make a blanket nest indoors. For flight, maybe try looking up some flying videos. You could even have a fan blowing in your face as you do so. Listen to crow/raven calls. In doing some research, I've learned they have a good number of different ones and can even mimic sounds, including humans, apparently. Maybe try mimicking some of their sounds if you can.

They also seem to love to play around, so just have some fun. They've been known to play with snow, sticks, anything really. So go outside and mess around. Besides, that has the added fun of letting you preen. While you may not have feathers, you can pick sticks and leaves from your hair and clothes to try and simulate the feeling of preening.

As for wings, you could try to make yourself some since I know buying them might get expensive. There are probably many cosplayers who have tutorials on how to make wings. If you are unable to do that, try using a weighted blanket to simulate the feeling. Even just a regular blanket could work as well. Maybe a backpack could help imitate the weight.

While I may not have this problem with wings, I do have an extra pair of arms. For me, I barely get shifts with them, and they always are vague. When I get shifts, and even often when I don't, I like to imagine them on me. This may not work for most because it requires a lot of imagination and most crave a physical feeling, but for me, it brings a lot of comfort. I enjoy thinking about what my extra set of arms would be doing, how they would be posing, and how I would use them. Maybe my method might work for you, if you wish to try.

The main advice I could give is to do research on crows/ravens. Maybe you'll see something you can do as well.

Also, maybe reach out to others in the community. I don't know much about bird kin/heartypes. Maybe you can find another raven or crow otherhearted or therian, or winged otherkin in general, to give you advice and tips that have helped them.

Just remember, if you feel like you are a raven/crow. Then you are a raven/crow. In whatever way you feel like.

I wish I could help you more.

Have a blessed flight, little raven.

[eldrai]

I’ve been reading lots of stuff about autistic Hotch. How do you think Hotch stims? Are there any gifs/examples from episodes?

OKAY so this is going to be a long list because I just went back through the episodes I've seen up to specifically looking for examples! But thank you for asking. I've been meaning to collect examples somewhere.

(I'll preface this with saying that everyone stims and just because I mention something here doesn't mean anyone is automatically autistic because they do that too.)

The main thing I can think of is what I very descriptively call "the hand thing" he does.

This is probably the clearest example of it in a gif I could find. What I mean is the way he rubs his thumb over the ends of his fingers. I see it as a fairly subtle way to stim and it tends to come up mostly when he's either thinking or stressed. That's the main thing I've picked up on because he does it quite a lot; I haven't gone over the earlier episodes specifically yet - only skimmed certain parts based on the incidences of it I found going through screencaps from @masterwords - it seems most prevalent in the earlier seasons.

A few more examples - they don't all have the actual motion in them but you can see his fingers curled up like that. He also brings his hand up near his face somewhat often, again usually when he's thinking.

He also does it a ton while walking and standing in general. Some more screenshots (thanks again @masterwords)

Two occasions stick out to me, both when he was distressed or highly worried at least. First is in Omnivore (4x18). It isn't strictly the thumb-over-the-fingers but it is similar, with his hand balled up and almost hiding his face at first.

And the second I really like because we get the hand stim very clearly but also rocking! It's in 2x08, when Derek refuses to step away from the lady with a bomb under her car. Please ignore the choppy editing and audio lol I just needed to show this:

Here we also see the same thing he does in the above gif of 4x18 - the teeth grinding. I think that's only when he's under a fair bit of distress though.

I've been keeping track of it from now on partly because one day I'm going to compile everything into one absurdly long meta. So I've undoubtedly missed many times and my timings might be a little off but here's some if you want to see examples:

LDSK - 11:23

3x15 - 3:00

1x08 - bomb + rocking

2x15 -

5x03 - start + middle

7x07 - tapping

3x12 - 6min

3x11 - 22min

2x23 - 6min + 30min

2x19 - 39min

2x08 - 31min + earlier

2x05 - 29min

2x02 - 37min

1x21 - 30min

1x16 - 17min

4x18 - after bus

9x06 - 24min with pen

9x08 - 8min 10s

9x09 -5min 30s, 7:57, 22:40

9x11 - 29:46

9x13 - 6:55

9x14 - 4:40, 29:50

As you can see, it's the most noticeable for me in the early seasons. 9x06 was around when I started keeping track as I watch, not retrospectively, for context.

Not all of these are the hand thing! Some are things like when he picks up a pen he tends to keep it in hand even when he's not actually writing anything, just slightly fiddling with it constantly. And again that's nowhere near JUST an autistic thing but I notice it in addition to the main hand thing.

Another thing is, mostly when he's anxious and holding something like a phone, he'll tap his fingers lightly against it. I have a clip of him somewhere on my blog doing it in 7x07.

There's also what he does with his hands when he isn't stimming that's interesting to me.

Hotch spends a lot of time with his arms either crossed or his hands in his pockets. Often the hand thing and the crossed arms happen at the same, where he'll have his right arm across his chest and with his left running his thumb over his fingers.

I find it really interesting because I read that as trying not to stim. Because if his hands are in his pocket, he can't. If he's got his arms folded, he can't. I'd imagine it fits well with him and his backstory. He's quite reserved in general so it makes sense he wouldn't want to stim very openly even if it's a subtle thing, and then you add in the implications from 1x08 and it wouldn't be a stretch to imagine he was discouraged, whether consciously or not, not to.

Then again, it could also simply be a comfort thing to do something with his hands rather than not stimming. Could be counted as stimming itself - something like pressure.

But in order of most to least frequent, the canon stimming I see from him is

The hand thing

Fidgeting with pens, etc.

Teeth grinding

Rocking

[noratilney]

For the Fanfic Writer Wrapped 2024!! ^_^ #1, 2, 6, 8, 12, 23, 26, 27, 39, 40 annddd 41! Enjoy.

(I'm giving you a lot, because this one's more a celebratory game than generic asks lol)

Thank you so much, Day! 💙

1. What fic did you work on the most this year?

I'm not entirely sure; I unfortunately did not spend as much time as I'd like dedicated to fic writing; but I think it's probably either the Vaella au, my Glee ficlet, or my untitled Tortall fic.

2. Did you have any fic writing goals? Did you meet them?

I didn't set any resolution-type goals this year. The only thing I wanted to try and get done was one fic update before Christmas which I have not yet done although I guess there's still time. Realistically, I would still be happy if I managed one before the end of the year.

6. Do you have a favourite fic you wrote?

Like a favorite fic ever? Uhh, I think this one, Lies and Precious Things. It comes in at a little under 600 words and I think it packs a lot of emotion into that while not drowning in exposition. Idk, I just like it.

8. Favourite line of dialogue this year?

From the Glee ficlet:

“I’m Puck.” Noah says. “It’s on account of my last name.” And from then on he is Puck everywhere to everyone but Mom and Sadie and the Garcia Sandovals and the occasional stickler teacher.

Moreso for the way I found to explain how Puck ended up being called that instead of his first name than the literal dialogue itself.

12. Did you receive any advice that resonated to you this year?

It wasn't given to me specifically but it's a piece of advice the author Maggie Stiefvater shared that had been given to her about managing how much you can do on a given day.

23. Were there any ideas you wanted to work on this year but you didn’t?

Absolutely yeah! So many. I get ideas in excess of both my time and ability to sit down and work on them. Particularly, I would say I would have liked to have gotten to work on some of my Bonnie Bennett-centric fic ideas. There's always next year.

26. Do you have a goal for next year? If so, what is it?

I think I want to try tracking how many words I'm writing! I'm hoping to either surprise myself with how much I'm writing or motivate myself to write more.

27. What are your hopes and/or desires for yourself and for other fic writers in the next year?

Other than well wishes for other fic writers, hoping you feel really inspired and have tons of time to write, I don't really feel like it's my place to dictate what other people do with their time? I mean yes there are totally fics by others I would love to see continue but 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I hope I'm really productive next year! Basic, I know.

39. What fics or authors would you recommend for others to discover and read in the next year?

Oh, that's a great question. I have scattered fic recommendations across this blog and my main and this year, I've begun attempting to do not every Friday but consistently a #fic back friday fic recommendation. I think I would like to try for next year to manage at least one fic recommendation a month (not necessarily an older fic), which I think is quite doable and would finish the year out with 12.

Of course it depends on what one looks for in a fic and what fandoms but I love pretty much everything devilinthedetails and deweydecibelsystem have written across various fandoms; nasimwrites is great for thoughtful and worldbuilding Narnia work, especially centered around Aravis/Calormen; I love rain-sleet-snow's Tortall twelfth night au series; peterbeale also writes across a number of fandoms, I especially like their Teen Wolf and TVDU works; and PanBoleyn is great for ASoIaF and The Magicians.

40. What advice would you have for people who might want to try writing or sharing their writing next year?

For writing&sharing fic for the first time, I think you have to be really passionate about both the fandom and the fic you're writing. I've never been good at outlining myself but that's probably useful.

I think you also need to be ready to not get any reception to your fic. I know that sucks to hear and I do think there's an audience for every fic out there but that doesn't mean it'll happen right away.

Don't forget to proofread/spellcheck and tell people you wrote a fic! Include a link!

41. Any regrets?

Hmmm, this is not unique to this year or fic writing but I do have a bad habit of coming across a resource or advice or something of that sort, saying to myself oh that sounds like a good advice, and then essentially filing it away and not doing anything with it.

I'm not sure if there's writing advice out there that works for me but since I'm not writing as much as I would like, I feel it'd be worthwhile to try some out.

[ask-edd]

I’m excited to see what you’ll do with a new start!

Ask-Edd has brought me much joy and the crossovers went hard

I’ll be sure to ask more here once January arrives

Thank you so much, that means a lot to hear <3

I'll take the time here to talk about it a bit, hope you don't mind

So things for the past few months or so have just been unpleasant to the point of sucking a whole lot, for me and for the people closest to me, so I've been thinking back on stuff that makes me happy, like how I'd literally spend all day, from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed, just doing stuff for this blog, and it was one of the happiest times of my life (not joking)

And while talking to CL today, she brings up the idea of a reboot button on here. At first it was just a little ha ha thought, but again, thinking of how happy this blog made me, I started really thinking

We back and forthed some ideas, and I actually got really excited, thinking of all the stuff I could do and all the fun I could have

I won't spoil the major changes, but I was thinking that like, for a blog called "ask-edd", we don't really ask Edd a lot. The roster is over 40 characters strong, which is impressive, but it's a lot of characters that were just kinda sitting there bc they weren't being asked things. Really it was just spread too thin, so I'd like to downsize (dw, plenty of characters are still askable, it'll just be different)

And it'll be a bit different in that it won't technically be just an ask blog, though the main focus will still be answering questions. It'll just leave room for things like original posts :)

I will say though, if you wanna see more of the blormas (Binyot, Jobel, Crusty, Manny, etc) they're moreso gonna be housed on my EW art blog @hoodies-n-cola, though I'm at least 80% sure I'll keep them here too. I just feel like they can have more focus over there since Edd is supposed to be the focus here

But ye I really look forward to the grand re-opening, I hope y'all enjoy it as much as I feel like I'm going to, and thank you all so much for your support over the past 3 (4 in March!) years <3 <3 <3

[destructivisms]

hi!! i found out you accept ship requests so i decided to send one. i'd like to know about the ship and who would be my best friend if possible 🫶 i'll be ok with any character from the show.

i'm a bi woman, with dark red hair and black eyes. i have a lot of tattoos and piercings on my nose and lip. i mostly dress classic, since i work as a psychologist. i graduated from university a couple of years ago, and since then, i've been working in a clinic with children with autism. my first language is russian.

in my free time, i draw! i have a blog dedicated to fanarts, and i also draw comms. i'm a huge bookworm, i love reading classics and modern prose the most, i have a tiktok acc about books in russ, i mainly talk about my favorite writers (aka nabokov and dostoevsky). when i was in high school, i won a competition for the best poem. i am not a fan of fantasy, but i have a tattoo with a dragon in honor of a song of ice and fire by grrm (i adore this book series).

i am not a very social person. I have a few friends, but i like spending time alone more. when i was a child, i really loved Harry Potter and always dreamed of being a ravenclaw, but all the tests put me in slytherin😭.

i am intj and a gemini (although i dont believe in astrology). now i am very busy with work, but i try to study always and improve my english and maybe even start learning spanish. i hope i sent enough information.

thank you very much!! 🤍🤍🤍

hello hello!! thank you for sending this one in (love how my ship requests attract fellow multilingual baddies lmao), hope you like it 🫶

I ship you with...

KIMIKO

the two coolest gals in the entire world actually.

You two meet at a coffee shop. It's a lazy afternoon, you're taking your time at a table in the corner with your drink and pastry of choice. But the main reason you're there is to draw — you decide to practice in a different environment, so observational drawing it is. It's been a while since you arrived, you've sketched a few faces of people passing by, objects, the refractions of light coming in through the window.

Your eyes search around for the next subject and then you see her — the woman who just sat down with a cup of tea and a piece of cake. She's got a little smile on as the guy by her side mutters a string of complaints about how this soggy atrocity can't even be called a real croissant. You draw them both for a while, but you really fixate on her; the myriad gestures and strong expressions she replies to him with are so interesting to try and replicate. And she's very cute.

You're so immersed in drawing her, you're caught by surprise when you lift your eyes from the sketch and she's looking back at you with a smile. Caught red-handed!

She approaches you, typing something in her phone, and when she shows you the screen she wants to see the drawings. She lights up with the sketch page and starts typing a string of compliments on her phone (you're already smiling too, at that point). She then asks for your pen to scribble something in the corner. Her friend then calls her and she waves goodbye and you know that cute smile will stay in your head forever.

When you look back at the sketch, you see she wrote down her name — KIMIKO, in block letters — and her number.

Your first text to her is a picture of the drawings — a sketch page filled with her various expressions. Crude sketches, gesture drawing and facial expressions practice mostly, but in her replies she's amazed. She asks to see more of your art and you send her the link to your blog!!

And that, my friend, is how Kimiko becomes your No. 1 fan

You two start chatting a lot, like, A LOT (you don't know this from your side of the conversation, but Frenchie sees her giggling at the screen and asks what is it, and Butcher is constantly telling her to put down the goddamn phone. Kimiko finds out she really likes texting)

(and she really likes you too)

It takes a while for you to see each other again, but by the time you do meet you're already "pen pals" (text pals?) and friends.

This time, you plan to go together to a street fair — it's your first in-person encounter with Kimiko in around a month, and you're friends now, so why are you nervous...?

Oh my God it's a date

Not that any of you make it explicit, but it is SO a date

You spend a wonderful day listening to live music, tasting good food, looking at the vendors and chatting. Kimiko might be non-verbal but those fingers can TYPE — she's incredibly lively, with a wide smile, and to be fair she's the one that does most of the "talking" in the conversation.

Also because she feels so comfortable with you, and how you navigate the conversation. You never make her feel like she's slowing things down by typing or seem less interested in what she has to say.

There's one specific vendor in the fair that's a stand for used books, and you use it as a prerogative to talk away about your love for classics (she ends up buying a book you recommend — insert here the Russian classic you'd recommend to her).

After that? It's a date and EVERYONE knows it.

Frenchie tells her all the time to make a move and invite you to another one. He thought you seemed nice (saw you once) and already shipped you both (read a single text). But he sees how Kimiko acts when texting you and talking to you — C'est l'amour, mon coeur, need I say more?

You go on a series of dates after that, each one more explicitly romantic than the previous one, until your connection eases into a relationship without you even noticing. It's just so natural to be with her.

The word "girlfriend" is first used, though, when Kimiko introduces you to THE BOYS. That's the main aspect of her life, and even though she'd like to protect you, fighting is the only way she knows how to — her family has to know you too. So Kimiko, smiling by your side, types Everyone, this is my girlfriend.

She often likes watching you draw — the expression of concentration on your face as you pour your heart into a piece. There's something really special to her about making art, Kimiko herself loves little crafts and probably picks up drawing because of you.

Both of you definitely have silent hang outs in which you do your art or read books, listen to music, have a good drink of coffee/tea and chill together.

You immediately melt, of course. It's official. And now you have this bunch of dudes who will also protect you (because lord knows what Kimiko would do if they didn't).

Getting introduced to the team, then, brings you to a great friendship with...

MARVIN "M.M." MILK

braincells of the team duo!

Not gonna lie, I was torn between M.M. and Kimiko for the ship, but the more I thought about it the more I liked your friendship.

You get to know him when Kimiko introduces him to The Boys, but he already knew about you — all of them did — just by how much she texted you. All the time.

And when he meets you, he's so pleasantly surprised by how much of a good influence you are — not that he thought ill of you, it's just that in that world they've all learned to suspect anyone.

But M.M. vibes with you from the start: your level-headedness and drive don't manifest through coldness, but rather are something that he can connect with. You're as logical and practical as him.

Also I imagine your work as a psychologist gives you a mental tool set to de-escalate conflict, ground people, and get to the root of the problem, that he really appreciates. As the member of the team that's trying to keep them together and do the right thing, you're someone M.M. would love to have by his side.

You're not officially a part of The Boys, but M.M. soon starts going to you as a sort of advisor and friend — sometimes he needs someone to remind him of the right path to take, or simply a friendly shoulder to hear about all the shit he has to put up with because of these guys.

(Also, since the show implies Janine might also have OCD, or is dealing with anger issues in general, he absolutely goes to you for advice)

But enough about your profession, he also gets book recommendations from you (who wouldn't, you're so cool).

I loved @ brynnterpretations's hc that M.M. has Goodreads clout so I am absolutely incorporating it to say he boosts your book TikTok there, even though he does not speak Russian.

All in all, you've got yourself really good people by your side :)

[yellingmetatron]

Welcome to the Blog

Mun is +30, minors respectfully requested not to interact. This is intended to be a brief rundown of the character and an FAQ for interacting. More information can be found here. I have two other active RP blogs: @godsinthewater and @apisanonymous.

WHO IS THIS?

Archangel Metatron, Celestial Scribe, Chancellor of Heaven, Voice of God. This interpretation is fandom-independent, and I have little interest in playing any canon Metatrons out there (as in Good Omens, Supernatural, etc.) There are, however, currently four main settings for my take on Metatron , which can be read in greater detail here.

WHO WILL YOU PLAY WITH?

Reiterating that I'm not open to playing with minors; there WILL be mature themes on this blog from time to time. Other than that? I'd prefer to only do threads with mutuals, but I'll take asks from anybody.

ANY CONTENT WARNINGS?

Violence, religious horror, and similar topics are gonna be prevalent. Not sure about sexual content just yet; I've lost access to my old sin blog, but I might make another one. If sexual content does end up here, it'll always be beneath a cut. I will not roleplay smut with anyone under 21, and frankly I'd prefer not to with anyone under 25. Please ask me to tag anything if something makes you uncomfortable-- I have a dark sense of humor, but I don't want to seriously disturb anyone.

WHAT IS METATRON LIKE?

Under the cut for length.

METATRON IS LOUD. VERY, VERY LOUD. EXPECT A LOT OF CAPSLOCK, although he is capable of dropping it when need be. Metatron has an extremely abrasive personality-- he is in essence an overworked bureaucrat. He's also rather foul-mouthed, which is much harder for him to drop.

With his twin Sandalphon, he is one of the most powerful beings in existence, second only to his Creator. His perception of reality is unlike that of most beings who perceive at most four dimensions of spacetime, which can make his mindset seem at times alien and callous. More on that here.

At heart, Metatron wants to see creation thrive. But having almost destroyed it through sheer force of love during an incident before the beginning of time, he tends to keep people at arm's length.

WHAT'S HE LIKE PHYSICALLY?

Metatron spends most of his time in the form of a tesseract, also known as a hypercube, a theoretical 4-dimensional shape that is to a cube what a cube is to a square. For your average person who can perceive only three dimensions of space, it's kinda trippy to look at. Colors and patterns play across his faces according to mood.

When he takes human form, he tends to be tall, broad, and bearded, often wearing a suit and tie. Christian Bale has been his FC for some time, mostly because of his expressions; I see him leaning more toward Levantine/Eastern Mediterranean features. He manifests up to six wings at a time, but usually only sports two when manifesting at all. His feathers look oddly translucent and crystalline, but are soft to the touch.

In situations that call for a more humanoid shape but fewer human features, Metatron takes the form of a faceless entity with silvery skin across which pass the same patterns and colors as his tesseract form, along with various cosmic phenomenon. A vague idea can be seen here. Unlike the image provided, though, Metatron does have "hair" that flows like fire or plasma, as well as two large bull's horns (or ram's horns, in verses without a connection to the Canaanite pantheon). This is usually his preferred "polite" form among his siblings.

[therhythmafterthesummer]

I've come to ask something from you bc I kinda see you as a mom on Tumblr (and I mean that in the most respectful, honorable way) just bc your fics are top tier quality and I just think you're so fucking cool.

I'm a writer myself, I have over 1k followers (I know it's not much) my top post has almost 2k notes, I have more than I think 3 posts over 1k notes (not boasting this is genuinely with a purpose) but all my latest fics don't go over say like 200 notes. I've tried softer fics, more smutty fics, more thorough, less thorough, I've changed the way I write and still nothing gets me as many likes as I used to get before. So now I'm thinking I was just a one hit wonder?

I even stopped posting and only dropped fics every now and then bc I thought I was annoying people and that's why my likes dropped? But I gain like over 10 followers a day so I really don't understand.

Basically what I'm saying is, I've been considering leaving Tumblr bc of this, because I just feel like I've gotten too greedy and 200 notes isn't enough, I want more like I used to get. I've even become fearful of requests bc I constantly think is this one even gonna make it. I'm talking about spending 7 hours on a fic just for it to get like 50 likes, that's devastating and fucking heart wrecking. I have writers block because I just repeat to myself that it won't even make it so what's the point.

So I've come to ask for your advice, to ask if you think I should push through, or leave, or what should I do bc I just don't know anymore. I'm sorry for the lengthy message I've just been needing advice and I couldn't think of a better person to ask than you.

Thank you for taking the time 💕

not you calling me a mum and cool, pls skdjfskdfjhsfd i'm warm.

okay, first of, i'd like to say 1k followers is a lot ! at least in my perspective. when you imagine how 1k people look like in a room it's certainly a lot hahah. if it eases your mind, i'll tell you that our numbers are pretty similar, at least the ones you described.

with that being said... here's what i think, and it might not really be what you want to hear. mind you, this is 100% just my opinion, and how i personally view this hobby of writing fanfiction. other people might have different opinions to mine, yourself included, and that's fine...

if you're writing with numbers in mind, you'll never be satisfied with anything you do. whenever you set a target audience for your writing that isn't yourself, you start losing the joy. it all becomes a spiral of 'is this good enough?' 'what if this doesn't gather an XYZ amount of notes?' rather than what the story really is about.

notes never ever determine how good a story is. i've seen stories with notes around the five digits that i personally didn't find particularly enjoyable, whereas stories i absolutely adored and made me feel a plethora of emotions still sit within the three digits. it's all subjective, and also a bit of luck. sometimes all it takes is a blog with a moderately sized following to reblog your story on main for that story to blow up, really.

if you're writing solely for the validation that notes can bring you, that's valid, it's fine, but it's, in my opinion, something that is bound to make you question your own passion (like it seems to be happening to you right now). it's a completely volatile and unreliable source of energy, and the moment it starts wavering, it all feels worthless (even when it isn't).

which is why i, personally, write because i just... feel like it. i want to read the stories that pop up in my head, it's why i always mention the 'little lizard' in my brain, because i genuinely just work on what i want to work on and that's it. it's also why my creative process doesn't work for "requests". if someone requests something that doesn't immediately spark my interest, i won't be able to fulfil it, so i'll be both bummed out by that fact, and the fact that i can't give the person what they requested in the first place.

ultimately, i'll write stories even if i don't post them, because i enjoy them. i enjoy doing this. i choose to share them with the world, and if there's people out there that enjoy them, too, that's great, it's amazing! and if a story isn't particularly popular, that's okay, too. it was written for me, and i loved it, so i already feel accomplished.

all this to say, my advice to you is that you sit back and start thinking about why you're doing this.

writing takes time, takes energy, and if you're doing it for anything other than the pleasure of writing and reading the story yourself, it's gonna weigh heavily on you. creativity isn't something that can be forced. so, if you force yourself to write something just because of the numbers it might bring, you're already setting yourself for heartbreak when the engagement you receive isn't the one you expected (because it's never enough. when you spend hours working on something you feel like you deserve a million notes, and you do, but it's not how this platform works, unfortunately). you'll end up just resenting the hobby in general, and burning yourself out because you're forcing yourself to write even if you don't feel like it, just because you want to see the numbers grow.

whenever i feel too tired, too overwhelmed, and too insecure about my work, i try to take a step back and give myself grace. i went on hiatus a while ago because i was starting to obsess over the numbers too much, and that time away made me realise all the things i said above. numbers aren't a direct reflection of your work, nor your worthiness as a writer, you know?

i'm not sure if this will be helpful to you or not, i genuinely hope it is. just know that if you feel like it, my DMs are open if you want to talk about this further (:

[dreameasel]

So it turns out I'm old fashioned and I'm looking for ✨~commitment~✨

Here's what's up, I don't super care what people call it now — mains, affiliates, whatever( not exclusives, tho I don't live that life ) but what I'm interested in is people who like actually want to do plots and build a story. Things that might even — god forbid — require worldbuilding, npcs and multi-person threads/plots.

I'm dead ass serious about this. I'd rather NOT rp instead of do endless improv'd predominantly slice of life threads that have no real effect on anything. I quit this rp for 2 years and went into fanfic instead and that's been arguably way more rewarding because I actually got to Do Things even if I missed out on a lot of fun and community aspects. So please don't like this just because you don't wanna be excluded or something, I am looking for people to make a blood oath to create Narratives™ with. I'm not gonna become isolationist here but without a core plot to this blog I'll just Implode and Die.

Collaborators can expect:

A general level of higher priority ic and ooc.

Multiple threads

Concerted efforts to make things that work for both of us or to evenly spend time on plots that grow a single character.

A willingness to play "npc" type characters aka people we need for a plot but aren't worth a whole blog etc like a villain, any background ocs of yours or mine needed, etc.

Edits and such as the interest strikes me

Lots of au ideas, thread ideas, varying dynamics, brainstorming etc

A commitment to our bullshit even after years spent fallow. ( Seriously. I'm still committed to lore from people who don't even rp anymore )

Some amount of what we come up with will probably become baked into the lore of my blog/character/lore/whatever

Probably some other shit I can't think of rn

Please note this is for mutuals only, especially people I've already written or talked a bit OOC. Mutuals who're also interested in spending some time talking OOC and seeing if we click and are gonna be cool about it if we don't are welcome too.

[panelshowsource]

HEY NOW...

aw thanks anon!! i did post my gif resources a while ago but i can post an updated one of these soon and include some psds! my gifs really aren't that good tho anon — if i'm being honest, i don't really spend that much time on colouring like i could — so if you can find someone PROPERLY good (usually a film/tv blog, as you can imagine) they may have really expert tips 🤔

as someone who has been at the ugliest end of reddit & discord tv/britcom fans' trolldom (too nice a word, really), and lived through the fucking unending years-long era of that one incel's rule over the panel show subreddit, i understand the reticence to participate in those spaces — even though, these days, they're mostly pleasant enough and subs that supply downloads (tv_bunny is life) are more or less transactional. that said, the purpose of this blog has always been to service the people who can't or don't torrent — who a lot of reddit & discord tv/britcom fans don't have the patience for, but i digress — so it doesn't bother me that a lot of my followers don't know reddit as well as i do. no worries!

omg! recently i watched after life (i love kerry godliman!!!!!!!), dara ó briain's new special, and i've also been doing my biannual re-listen of the entire horne section podcast because it is so fucking impeccable chef's kiss! i was catching up on guessable but it's really, deeply, truly mid, so i kinda gave up for a while and switched over to breeders (martin freeman agenda continues). otherwise non-panel show things, some films like close, return to dust, un beau matin, etc. — but that's for my main hehe i'm someone who wishes i could watch 10000 things in one day T_T

hahaha i do get asked this a lot!!! like you there's just so. many. and i often chicken out of substantially answering this because if i forget anyone i'll kick myself SO hard later

but

back in the day i answered a similar question about some non-comedians i want to see on taskmaster AND I SAID AMELIA DIMOLDENBERG AND IT CAME TRUE

LIKE

MY BRAIN 🧠🧠🧠🧠🧠🧠

SO MAYBE I CAN MANIFEST THINGS LET'S TRY 🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮

this is personal to me, of course, and i'm considering people i really love + who i think would be really fun specifically on taskmaster, so in a somewhat priority order...

robert webb

stephen mangan

robert irwin

martin freeman

catherine tate

jessica hynes

miles jupp

simon amstell (preferably on the same season as jessica hynes because about 15 years ago (literally) i used to watch this clip religiously, and i'm sure that has something very specific to say about why i am the way i am but we don't have time to psychoanalyse me rn)

larry dean

ed byrne

holly walsh

diane morgan

daniel radcliffe

charlie brooker

hugh laurie

susie dent (omg i was CACKLING at susie, who is never on panel shows(!!!), being on the same episode of guessable as nick helm — and now i kinda wanna see her on the same series of tm as nick helm muhahaha)

kayvan novak

limmy

paul foot

bill bailey

lawrence chaney (i also love the vivienne of course! but i think lawrence may be more fit for tm while the vivenne is more fit for something like celeb juice; btw just watched her on guessable with ivo graham, and ivo calling her "viv"...omg...it did something to me...it really did...again, we're not talking about why i am the way i am)

vic reeves

the sexted boys

some other randoms people i'd certainly be happy to see, even if they don't make the priority manifesting roster — ahir shah, adam buxton, danny dyer, jimmy carr, graham norton, matt berry, glenn moore, maggie aderin-pocock, gary delaney, hal cruttenden, rhys james, huge davies, josie long, alasdair beckett-king, gino d'acampo, julian barrett, and tonsss of actors but we'd be here all day

i don't think there are many people i vehemently do not want to see on the show. while there are of course a few comedians i just don't like, and if taskmaster puts another tory politician on the panel again i'll fucking write in with my upset, the disappointment i typically feel if and when i see a new lineup is more along the lines of "meh they're fine but they took the place of someone i'd much rather see". but tm is also so good at introducing us to people we may not have seen much of before — and then we love them, so i trust the producers and alex a lot!

🔮 MANIFESTING MANIFESTING MANIFESTING MANIFESTING MANIFESTING MANIFESTING MANIFESTING 🔮

—

WATCH LINKS MASTERPOST / FAQ / TAGS / ASK

[xxharleyqsdndandmfaramblingsxx]

06.15.24

Howdy Hoes!

Been a busy day--you know sometimes it so difficult to be a teenager inside a grown ass woman's body--of course, I know the owner of the body and we were good friends as teenagers together--but sometimes I steal feel like I do a lot of heavy lifting for her. I'm still the smartest one in here--at least the others know that, right?

I've been spending the day working on MFA homework and begging Davey-poo and Miss Miss (the host) to let me make a blog--ugh I have been so trapped up in here without anywhere to air my thoughts. I just don't like using a shared journal--I want a space that is mine and that I can interact and show stuff to the others without them having to be in my space--ya know? I love them all so dearly--but I've got to have my own space. Anyway, discussion boards in my online classes always make me feel like I stick out--especially since, officially we are transmasc on there or genderqueer anyway and I feel like I act very femme--I don't know--I feel like such an outsider--but all of us in the body are trying very hard to make friends and enjoy our lives. Being a system is part of that. All our blogs talk about it because it is impossible to ignore that part of existence. I get lonely about it sometimes, cause I'm young, and I don't really get to be a teenager--I did once, but it was a really fucked up time in my life and I just miss being a kid, but I know I can't get away with that and it's not responsible too but man--I'm trying hard.

Anyway, today was a good day--we found some old show on Freevee called Murder City and it is so cool and I love it and it is so fun and early 2000s and great music and Luke, one of the main detectives is sooo cute...it is a lot of fun to watch him be kinda rude and outspoken and cocksure of himself all the way throughout--I found out there are only 10 episodes, which makes me sad, but I am glad to have the chance to watch it.

David, Bri, and I are working on a script outline together for class--and it's been real fun. It is about an experimental android who has been ten years old for like centuries or decades or some unknown amount of time and is really struggling with her loneliness. I like it a lot and I hope the professor finds it insightful and interesting too. If I ever learn how to animate like I sometimes want to--I might make it into a film but that's another time--if I ever have the money--I might hire someone or a few someone elses to animate too. Then I'd be screenwriter, director, and producer--and that'd be fun. That'd be a big credit to my name.

Anyway, I'm talking a lot and I know we have to do the design of the blog and everything, but I wanted to put a post up before we ran off and did other stuff. I'm glad we are trying to be us again. It means the world to me. I missed being whole. This feels a lot better.

[mtvatlas]

So it turns out I'm old fashioned and I'm looking for ✨~commitment~✨

Here's what's up, I don't super care what people call it now — mains, affiliates, whatever( not exclusives, tho I don't live that life ) but what I'm interested in is people who like actually want to do plots and build a story. Things that might even — god forbid — require worldbuilding, npcs and multi-person threads/plots.

I'm dead ass serious about this. I'd rather NOT rp instead of do endless improv'd predominantly slice of life threads that have no real effect on anything. I quit this rp for 2 years and went into fanfic instead and that's been arguably way more rewarding because I actually got to Do Things even if I missed out on a lot of fun and community aspects. So please don't like this just because you don't wanna be excluded or something, I am looking for people to make a blood oath to create Narratives™ with. I'm not gonna become isolationist here but without a core plot to this blog I'll just Implode and Die.

Collaborators can expect:

A general level of higher priority ic and ooc.

Multiple threads

Concerted efforts to make things that work for both of us or to evenly spend time on plots that grow a single character.

A willingness to play "npc" type characters aka people we need for a plot but aren't worth a whole blog etc like a villain, any background ocs of yours or mine needed, etc.

Edits and such as the interest strikes me

Lots of au ideas, thread ideas, varying dynamics, brainstorming etc

A commitment to our bullshit even after years spent fallow. ( Seriously. I'm still committed to lore from people who don't even rp anymore )

Some amount of what we come up with will probably become baked into the lore of my blog/character/lore/whatever

Probably some other shit I can't think of rn

Please note this is for mutuals only, especially people I've already written or talked a bit OOC. Mutuals who're also interested in spending some time talking OOC and seeing if we click and are gonna be cool about it if we don't are welcome too.

[slayedher]

So it turns out I'm old fashioned and I'm looking for ✨~commitment~✨

Here's what's up, I don't super care what people call it now — mains, affiliates, whatever ( not exclusives, tho I don't live that life ) but what I'm interested in is people who like actually want to do plots and build a story. Things that might even — god forbid — require worldbuilding, npcs and multi-person threads/plots.

I'm dead ass serious about this. I'd rather NOT rp instead of do endless improv'd predominantly slice of life threads that have no real effect on anything. I quit this rp for 2 years and went into fanfic instead and that's been arguably way more rewarding because I actually got to Do Things even if I missed out on a lot of fun and community aspects. So please don't like this just because you don't wanna be excluded or something, I am looking for people to make a blood oath to create Narratives™ with. I'm not gonna become isolationist here but without a core plot to this blog I'll just Implode and Die.

Collaborators can expect:

A general level of higher priority ic and ooc.

Multiple threads

Concerted efforts to make things that work for both of us or to evenly spend time on plots that grow a single character.

A willingness to play "npc" type characters aka people we need for a plot but aren't worth a whole blog etc like a villain, any background ocs of yours or mine needed, etc.

Edits and such as the interest strikes me

Lots of au ideas, thread ideas, varying dynamics, brainstorming etc

A commitment to our bullshit even after years spent fallow. ( Seriously. I'm still committed to lore from people who don't even rp anymore )

Some amount of what we come up with will probably become baked into the lore of my blog/character/lore/whatever

Probably some other shit I can't think of rn

Please note this is for mutuals only, especially people I've already written or talked a bit OOC. Mutuals who're also interested in spending some time talking OOC and seeing if we click and are gonna be cool about it if we don't are welcome too.

[crushed-starlight]

UPDATE TIME YOU NEED SO MANY UPDATES FROM ME IT HAS BEEN ONE MILLION YEARS !!!!!!!!!

ok so . yknow how the main original point of this blog was for me to rant about my feelings for meadow? and then i slowly realized that this might not be the healthiest thing to pursue? WELL IT GOT WORSE.

over the winter break p much everyone went home to wherever they lived before uni. during that time, meadow hung out with their 2 friends from before and very quickly and chaotically fell in love with one of them ,, we'll call him wells 2, the sequel to wells in terms of people that meadow has liked that aren't me !!

over winter they got ,, very intimate very fast (it didn't help that wells 2 had just gotten out of a pretty long term relationship lmao) and i got to hear all about it in excruciating detail from meadow .. it was at some point around this time that i decided i desperately needed to stop crushing on them. i decided to just will it out of existence bc i was so tired of the pining and it had become painfully obvious that my feelings weren't reciprocated and i didn't feel like getting the hanahaki any worse.

thinking back on meadow as a person i noticed a lot of stuff that didn't occur to me originally because of the Big Feelings,, i also talked it over with fish and jiji (separately) which helped me realize what was going on a lot better. so here's some Things About Meadow that i Do Not Like !!

they rushed so fast into commitment with wells 2 in a way that i don't think i'd be comfortable with even if it were me..

there were ,, multiple omens. i'm not super spiritual anymore but i do believe in signs from the world and there were a few that i missed, specifically in terms of fictional parallels that showed up in really convenient times, like the world was trying to warn me by showing me mistakes that i could've made. those came in the form of felix love and lucy gray baird, the latter of which meadow literally introduced me to (we saw her movie together, i heavily related to her and meadow didn't like her for all the same reasons)

they don't match my energy !! they make me nervous !! even if it's in a lighthearted way, their teasing of my interests and stims and everything makes it harder to unmask (which i've been trying rly hard to learn) and ultimately makes me even more tired after spending a day with them

doesn't like snowball fights !! reddest flag i've ever seen

basically, meadow likes me, but he doesn't understand me. this'll sound self-obsessed, but my overall energetic optimistic outward personality is basically a product of coping strategies and adhd. i need someone who understands that, and values it as much as i do, if not more. meadow sees what's happening, i've explained it, but i don't think they have the capacity to fully understand since they cope so differently from me

in other news, chipi. i know he's into me, but the flirting died down a lot over the past few months...................... until it didn't !! over winter break, we spent tons of time on call with an online friend of mine ,, we'll call him cala. i did a little doodle of my roommates as weezer last night since i shared a reel of a different friend group doing the same thing, and chipi started asking which one he was because he 'wanted to know how i perceive him', so naturally i recreated the reel in post-it note sketch form. well literally just now as i was writing this post, i checked discord to double check cala's pronouns and saw that chipi had made the doodle his profile picture ............. wHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS INFORMATION ??????

i'm not attracted to him, and i really don't want to lead him on. i literally sent him a valentines meme that said 'i LIKE you. as a friend ONLY' like i have been so so obvious about it and yet he persists.. i CAN'T date him , for one we're roommates so a breakup could get really ugly, and also there's about a million red flags. i think he feels understood by me in a way he hasn't experienced much before, which i don't want to take away !!

i haven't actively told him to stop flirting with me, since honestly i do like the attention. it's a huge confidence boost to know i'm even capable of being desired in this way.. he's so funny and likes me so much that it's really easy and so entertaining to spend time with him, plus i get flustered super easily and i know he enjoys it too, but i'm scared to accidentally lead him on because i know first hand how much that hurts, even when it's made abundantly clear. hell, i just watched it happen with myself and meadow, but now i'm on the other side.

i think i just need to trust him to look after his own emotional health through his crush on me, just like i did with meadow, and i hope that at the end of it we can still be friends!! i should probably tell cala about all this, since he's witnessed most of it first hand and is super understanding about every other emotional thing i've brought up so far. shit's wild over here

in other news i sang karaoke with odie and he's so cool if he weren't dating jiji i'd definitely be in love with him by now lmao

ok i think that's everything !! sorry i was gone for so long, i can't promise i'll stay but i hope these updates can be entertaining for someone :)

TL;DR for anyone following my lore ,, i needed to will my crush on meadow out of existence and just as i was doing that, chipi caught even bigger feelings for me and idk what to do about it lmao