#i��m not saying it was better at all! i just find the contrast hilarious

[dolphin1812]

I wish Jondrette would stop making good points when he's this awful. Take his critique of charity in his speech on how the rich are "thieves," for instance:

"These men who pretend to be charitable, who put on airs, who go to mass, who make presents to the priesthood, preachy, preachy, in their skullcaps, and who think themselves above us, and who come for the purpose of humiliating us, and to bring us ‘clothes,’ as they say! old duds that are not worth four sous! And bread! That’s not what I want, pack of rascals that they are, it’s money! Ah! money! Never! Because they say that we would go off and drink it up, and that we are drunkards and idlers!"

He's not wrong, really. We've even seen characters who do exactly this, or assume that others are - it's been a while, but someone who felt that he was competing for status with Madeleine/Valjean in Montreuil-sur-Mer was convinced that he only went to church and gave to the poor to make himself look better, and even began to attend church more regularly to do the same. And the part about giving food instead of money is something that's still said today! And while of course the Jondrettes need food, money gives them the chance to choose what they do with charity (and is also more flexible, since they could buy food, pay rent, buy clothes, etc). They certainly could spend it on things other than necessities, but he's right that it feels condescending for the "charitable" to assume that they don't know how to spend their money and can't be trusted.

Unfortunately, this is all coming from M Jondrette, who isn't trustworthy at all. Hugo's self-aware enough to include this speech, but his writing reinforces some of these attitudes as well. After all, if your image of the most miserable of les misérables is the Jondrette family, you're going to think that they're deceitful. And although Jondrette's words have some truth in them, they're also a product of his rage: both his broader anger at society and his in-the-moment anger at the gentleman for taking so long. The societal rage might be justified, but the interpersonal aspect (when the gentleman really does show up) feels more like it's part of his general characterization as a cruel, bitter person.

This is reinforced by how quickly his demeanor changes upon M Leblanc's arrival. He suddenly becomes polite and charming, leaving no signs of his actual anger. We know, then, that he's lying. That being said, as I discussed in the last chapter, some level of performance is vital to the Jondrette family because of the shifting expectations for charity ("respectable" in church, absolutely destitute at home). Again, M Jondrette is not a sympathetic character, but this drastic change is still understandable.

On another note: Mlle Lanoire is back!

The focus on the word "she" is hilarious. I'm sure it's meant seriously, but I really just find it funny.

The brief contrast between her and Mlle Jondrette is so sad, though. Mlle Lanoire's clothes are something she can only dream of, and even though they're close in age, Mlle Lanoire's happiness is foreign to her.

[tutuandscoot]

Ice Dance Falls, Fails and Flubs

Part 1

1. “Stationary Lift BASE?! “😱🫠

Classic HD fuck up 1.0

By now y’all know my distain for HD, not that I have any love lost for Bock either.. or WeaPo.. or gilorier.. so basically this is me missing VM at 4CC and HOLLERING at the cocky ness HD display for a rushed, messy, careless program with a travelling stationary lift guys come on what are you doing sitting there pep-rallying for +5’s.. you look like idiots. Btw. who tf is this lady on the right ↗️??

Also feat. Evan ‘employee of the month at Taco Bell’ Bates

2. Belbin/Agosto blow it in the Compulsory Dance

They came to these world champs in 2008 expected to win, with the Russians D/S out with injury. But down Tanith goes on a twizzle in the CD.. the point of CD’s is that you are in hold basically the whole time therefore it’s extremely unlikely to fall bc your partner holds you. This put them 6th after the CD, 5th in the OD, rising to 4th after the FD.. they would never win a worlds or Olympics despite being an incredible team* (for the time.. )

3. FP/M- Torino addition

Maybe the funniest thing ever in Ice dance. This happened after at least 3 teams had already had serious falls (including Marie and Patch which I won’t be talking about bc of the seriousness of it- that was not funny) this on the other hand is HILARIOUS. Firstly: the costumes. WHAT? WHY? Maritzio looking like a pimp. Even before the fall this performance reminds me of your cringe aunt and uncle getting up to dance at a wedding. They had not competed since SLC 2002.. we won’t discuss that bc How and WHY- what sport was ID in 2002 where this team wins a medal over Bourne & Kraatz?????

Then.. the fall.. yes BESP uncles.. it was the too much outside edge that did it, that’s where the problems started, never mind mags’ shithouse skating skills.

My favourite part is when she just *reverse Homer Simpson’s out of a hedge* towards him and he does that *nod* as if to say “hey that was pretty damn good” seriously, what a flop, even in the K&c it continues to be hilarious him just man spreading looking at the scores while she looks like she’s gonna kill herself (and him), he’s looking as if ‘yeah that’s not bad’ well you wouldn’t know bro there’s been a new system introduced since you seemingly last stepped on an ice rink.

Just omg.. iconic. all I can think about is god forbid this ever happened to vm and the polar opposite their reaction would be (except S never dropped T and S actually had skating skills)

4. The piece of shit that is Didier Gailhauget

(Thankyou to @iluvausten for finding this for me)

I don’t need to translate this right y’all get it..

This tweet and subsequent result is the reason the acronym LMFAO was invented. Guess the Russian mob didn’t feel like helping out on this one sorry boo 🥲

(And/Or the bby angels were just too damn good)

5. Bourne/Kraatz 2002

This is kinda a sad one..

But what I love is the contrast between B/K reaction and FP/M..

No blame, no hate, no making a scene.

They were in 4th place going into the FD with a good chance of capturing bronze, but fell in the last 5 seconds.

It was so unfortunate but you know what: you skate to MJ you should expect karma..

They finished 4th- same as they had in 1998- a fixed event

6. Classic HD fuck up 2.0, Worlds 2017

I don’t want to talk about this to point where I’m gonna get hate for it and I also don’t want to be that person who says ‘I don’t talk bout what I don’t know’ and then talk about what I don’t know but since this post has a bit of a ‘blunt and direct humour about it’, why do I get the feeling that the whole ‘we don’t have faith in ourselves’ thing was a bit of an act with these two and training with the goats gave them this false sense that they were better than they were and took that cocky confidence too far to the point where (he especially) couldn’t stay on his damn feet?? The whole ‘Gabrois podium sweep’ thing they were going for at these worlds and olys gives me side eye..

Ok. That’s part 1, part 2 coming soon

Reminder this is all in good humour, every team that competes at this level is highly skilled in some respect and then others are just a$$holes🥰

[into-daylight-hope]

Qui-Gon Jinn: Certified Hypocrite, Fascinating Failure, Mass of Contradictions

For starters, I am just going to let direct quotes from the man speak for itself.

Some excerpts from Master & Apprentice

Wise words.

Wait a minute...

😯😯 What the hell is happening here? All quotes are from the same man in one book.

Qui-Gon Jinn doesn't have an ounce of self-awareness and it is so hilariously terrible.

What is even better (or worse), this is perfectly in line with The Phantom Menace characterization .

I mean,

Remember when he said all this than spent the rest of the movie obsessing over prophecies, the chosen one and literally the future?

"He still has so much to learn of the living force." Qui-Gon Jinn about Obi-Wan in the council scene

After that scene

"The boy is dangerous. They all sense it why can't you?" Obi-Wan Kenobi about Anakin Skywalker to Qui-Gon Jinn

You see Obi-Wan, Master Jinn here has completely lost any sense of "here and now" between his crusade against darkness and divine mission to save the Galaxy.

This in turn, unsurprisingly blinds him to the fact Anakin is not suitable to become a Jedi. Or at least not ready to directly move on to becoming a padawan.

Anakin himself would suffer in a road that is not meant for him. But he is not planning for Anakin the child. He is thinking about The Glorious Chose One.

He is the chosen one. You all must, see it.

And yet from Qui-Gon's perspective it is Obi-Wan who doesn't understand the Living Force.

I have to say if he is truly a student of the living force as many fans claim he has been failing the class for at least 8 years.

Let's move on to another set of entertaining and horrifyingly oblivious quotes from M&A.

If you look upward you can observe Mr. Here and Now in his natural habitat.

He really acts like future is set in stone than thinks he is the right person to talk about about concentrating in the moment. Unbelievable.

Let's look at this dialogue again. In contrast with the excerpt from above.

He is all about the future when it suits him. But when Obi-Wan makes a remark on it he obviously should just focus on the moment. This is actually the third time in this post where he contradicts himself while specifically chastising or criticizing Obi-Wan for something Qui-Gon actually does.

Now I don't think Qui-Gon acts with malice. But it is important to point out his obliviousness has become a way of ensuring he is never in the wrong.

He suffers from an immense hubris. And a man obsessed with prophecies and chosen ones definitely has some kind of savior complex.

But notably Jinn doesn't actually want to put any effort into enacting real change with his limited yet existent capabilities.

He turns down a council seat in M&A because he thinks it would hold him down. From what? Dear God, the reason they offered him a seat was for different opinions. Qui-Gon can complain all he wants but one time he actually had a chance to make his opinions a reality he freaking bailed.

Why? He doesn't want to face his own limits. He can't bare to try and fail. It is much easier to sustain a superiority complex when you are complaining from the sidewalk.

So he fixates all this belief onto prophecies, visions that will magically cure the Galaxy. And of course his place to help fulfill them. To the point where it is the one thing that keeps him standing.

He has binded meaning of his life and belief for goodness dangerously close to his supposed importance in the Galaxy. (You can feel the influences of his former master)

His absolute refusal to engage with reality turns him into mass of contradictions. Cause he doesn't know what he will find or become if he is mistaken in his belief of himself.

He can't face reinvention on the event of defeat.

But this situation was different. It had to be, because the only thing Qui-Gon knew to be absolutely true was that his vision was real.

Oh by the way, it turned out he misunderstood the vision. But when does being wrong ever stopped Qui-Gon Jinn?

No words.

Only Qui-Gon could have come near declaring himself a prophet after making a mistake. Maybe stop and reflect man? Just stop and think about your actions.

Obi-Wan Kenobi: I have a bad feeling about this.

Qui-Gon Jinn: I don't sense anything.

Of course you don't.

Honestly he doesn't have much to speak for in the cosmic force department either.

(There is the whole force ghost thing I guess. But I have no idea if that is more connected with living or cosmic force. It seems to be more about spiritual enlightenment. Which is ridiculous when you consider Yoda had go through so many trials, face his darkside, learn to truly let go just for Force priestesses to deem him worthy enough to study immortality. Yes Qui-Gon never became a force ghost but he had started his training before he died. And much of Yoda's tests on TCW was about self-awareness. It is not just about being a good person. How did Force Priestesses approve Qui-Gon "I was meant to misinterpret this vision." Jinn? I would understand if he became wiser after death and faced his flaws and all but he never was on that level before he died. You might say even Anakin became a force ghost. But I would remind you, Anakin in the end broke out of denial, acknowledged the wrong of his ways and took that leap to the light side. Self-awareness seems such an important key to becoming a force ghost. Right there with selflessness. Personally it doesn't quite feel right for a character whose biggest flaws are their lack of introspection and hubris which we never see him rise above to be the one that discovers immortality again. It feels more like a rushed plot point to explain how we get from A to B.)

This post got out of control 😂. I honestly just wanted to point out lack of communication might be one of the reasons Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon have trouble understanding each other but it is sometimes even harder to understand Qui-Gon when he actually says something. Cause ration is not what drives him.

Qui-Gon is such a complex character. He is undeniably good especially compared to other SW characters. Yet for all fandom's deifying he might be the most flawed Jedi we see on the franchise. (The ones that fell to the dark side not included.)

It is a shame wider fandom completely write off his flaws to the degree I can't even recognize the character when they talk about Jinn. Cause that Qui-Gon is so hard to feel empathy for.

When people constantly make statements like "He is The Wisest sw character." his hypocrisy stops being amusing. It doesn't end on screen or page instead often used to bash other characters.

An unbelievable analysis from Wookiepedia:

When Jinn saved the Gungan exile Jar Jar Binks, who in turn swore a life-debt to him, his compassionate nature was such that Jinn took the hapless Gungan under his wing, much to Kenobi's dismay. His empathy toward all life forms, including the most pitiful and unfortunate, was Jinn's greatest strength. Additionally, he remained understanding and patient with Queen Padmé Amidala. During the short time they knew each other, he never asked for her to do more than she was willing to.

You know out of the two, Qui-Gon was the one who insulted Jar Jar to his face. And he didn't took Jar Jar under his wing. They forced him to take them to a city where Jar Jar could have been punished for entering. Now it was the pragmatic thing to do. For all three's survival not for their own gain. Understandable. But compassion is just pushing it.

Also he never asked Padme to do more than she was willing to do?

Padmé : Are you sure about this? Trusting our fate to a boy we hardly know? The Queen will not approve.

Qui-Gon Jinn : The Queen does not need to know.

Padmé : Well, I don't approve.

And he is aware she is the queen, herself. Padme was nearly tearing out her because of this man in TPM.

What is weird, Jinn in his bewildering hypocrisy probably thinks he is being admirably compassionate with Jar Jar, highly understanding and patient with Padme. We clearly see he is not.

Out of universe he has been a force ghost for decades now but fandom is nowhere near acknowledging his flaws than he is.

And honestly SW doesn't have that many major morally complex characters. People like Maul, Palpatine, Anakin,Ventress don't think they are serving a higher purpose or oblivious to the evils they commit.

Emotionally complicated, yes. Going through moral dilemmas, no.

Three major characters come to mind who make huge mistakes, condone or commit atrocities while thinking they are in the right/with good intentions/for a greater cause. With varying degrees of culpability.

Qui-Gon. Padme. Dooku.

In that order.

Let these characters be interesting instead of demonizing nearly inhumanly selfless Jedi characters. (They make mistakes too but funnily enough they are still way better beings than most people on our planet.)

By the way I found the epitaph "Fascinating Failure" from the article here. Especially the last paragraphs make some interesting points. ⬇️

👀

This post might seem harsh but that is expected since it focuses on Qui-Gon's flaws.

"People are more than their worst act,” Quote from Qui-Gon Jinn in Master & Apprentice

[peachpanlong]

‘Horny Blond Twink Fucks Himself on Strap-on After Being Teased For Hours’

Naoya Zenin x reader, 18+

cw // arranged marriage (mentioned once), submissive! Naoya, pegging, exhibitionism, degrading kink, use of sex toys while driving, use of sex toys in public, untouched orgasm, public sex, overstimulation, edging, oral (m. receiving), brat taming

word count: 2.4k

this is part of the jujutsu hub collab! Thank you @suna-reversed for letting me participate ♥️

(Do not repost my work unless you have permission to do so, reblogs are fine)

Going shopping with naoya would usually be considered a task close to impossible. The constant nagging and snarky comments made you want to strangle him on multiple occasions, yet you somehow held yourself back to avoid unnecessary drama with the higher ups. After 5 unbearable months of living with him due to an arranged marriage you had found various methods of shutting that pretty mouth of his. Your favourite method including the help of your trusty friend, a vibrating cock ring.

He knew that if he opened his mouth to remark on your choice of clothing a shaky moan would follow. There is nothing more he hated than being looked down on, the fear of people glancing in his direction with a disgusted look convincing him to just stay quiet.

“I have been invited to a social event with the Zenins. I will take you shopping for a dress today so you can look half decent.” Ignoring the spiteful remark you responded.

“Okay, on the condition you wear the cock ring.” An audible scoff followed. He turned his heels to walk towards the kitchen. Filling up the portafilter with coffee grinds he let out a soft ‘fine’, refusing to let his eyes meet yours. You held back a laugh by biting down on your cheeks.

“I’m starting to think you enjoy this…” you breathed out. “I’m only doing this because I know you’ll be a complete bitch to me if I don’t.” Humming in agreement you inhaled the nutty aroma coming from the coffee machine. While frothing the milk with one hand he used the other to place two mugs down onto the drip tray.

“Get a dress that hugs your figure and flaunts your tits. I want to show you off to the bastards I have to call relatives.” He places down a mug of coffee with a marshmallow next to it, just the way you like it.

You sunk the marshmallow into the coffee while continuing small talk with him.

“You’re an asshole.” He whined, groaning at the feeling of the vibrations on his cock. You let out a small chuckle knowing he’s all bark and no bite. You played around with the settings of the cock ring before settling for a low vibration that would be sure to give him some sort of attention but not enough attention to chase his sweet release.

“I will get you back for this shitty stunt, whore.” He snarled yet his words only fueled you to torture him more. With a hum leaving your lips you pulled his boxers and hakama pants up, hearing a groan come from him in response.

“You’re lucky the pants cover your erection.”

The car ride felt like hours, if not days, to the blonde man. Shaky moans fled through gritted teeth while his nails dug into the steering wheel. Your eyes were glued to his face. The way his nose scrunched when the vibrations increased was for some reason incredibly entertaining to you. When the car came to a halt in the store’s parking lot you groaned. You were having fun messing with him.

“Does this ‘flaunt my tits’, Naoya?” You said in a mocking tone while twirling in an emerald green mermaid dress that had a deep v-neck travelling down to your abdomen. All he gave you was a curt nod and a groan when his eyes focused down to your chest. You changed back into your clothes and gave the dress to naoya.

“Pay for this, I want to look around still.” He rolled his eyes and turned his body towards the cashier. The way his legs trembled from the cock ring was incredibly entertaining for you. Rather than paying attention to the dress hung up on the clothes rack your gaze landed on the way his hips twitched to find some form of friction. Your hands snuck into your pockets where the remote was being held. Without warning him, your fingers turned the dial to the maximum setting only to swiftly spin it back to the lowest setting. If he hadn’t been holding onto the cash register counter he would have fallen from the shock. A very loud moan escaped his lips as he shot an unpleasant glare in your direction.

“Sir, are you okay?” Concern was laced in the cashier’s voice. Naoya responded with a quick ‘yeah’ while giving some pathetic excuse for his accidental noises. After he had paid for the dress he grabbed at your arm. You let out a pained gasp “Ow! what the fuck, Naoya!”

His clutch on your shoulder only became harder after hearing your aggravation. The second his car door closed was the second a desperate moan left his lips.

“You’re such a bitch for doing that to me. Do you not understand your place, woman?” His shaky breathes made it difficult for you to focus on what he was saying. He looked so much better when he was malleable and timid.

He avoided any conversation with you the entire trip home, occasionally letting out a pained groan from the still vibrating cock ring. Your husband was obviously pissed off at you yet you found it difficult to care; especially when his face looked so fucked-out.

The way he angrily stormed into the house was a sight to see. If it hadn’t been for the painful grip on your arm you would’ve laughed. “I hope you’re ready to be punished. Because I’m not holding back.” His words sounded as if they were growled, a weak attempt to intimidate you. Your hands shifted down to your pockets.

“Don’t you dare-!” His words were cut short by not-so-subtle whimpers and moans. Your fingers turned the dial randomly and without a rhythm, driving him mad. Various curses left his mouth like venom.

“I’m starting to think you talk big just to get your brains fucked out. Tell me, my little slut, is that true?” If he wasn’t already busy palming himself through his pants he probably would have replied with a snarky comeback. You clicked your tongue in annoyance, “Get your pathetic hands off your cock. Do you have any manners?” He gritted his teeth and halted his movements.

“Good puppy. Maybe if you’re good I’ll let you cum.” The smile on your face was far from sincere and he knew that. It was ridiculing- degrading even. The only thing keeping him grounded was his back pressed roughly against the wall. His nose scrunched as the sound of your footsteps came closer. You reached your hand out to touch his cheek. He was such a waste of a pretty face, a shame really.

Naoya’s footsteps followed behind yours as you both walked towards the bedroom. Pushing him down across the end of the bed, you spread his legs to get between them. With your face centimetres from his cock you began to unzip his pants showing you the outline of his erection against his boxers. Your fingers looped against the elastic, letting it tug backwards. A wince left his lips as you let the band snap back against his skin. Finally indulging in his desires you pulled down the material, letting his cock out. A soft ‘please’ left his mouth when you began stroking him.

A sardonic smirk plastered your face. “Be patient, you whore.” You earned a weak excuse for a glare in response. You soon realised that it wasn’t just the cock ring that was vibrating.

“Naoya, your phone.” Letting out a disappointed sigh, you bagan to take the toy off his cock. He mimicked your expression when he saw the contact name.

“Naoya Zenin speaking, what are you calling me for?” An irritated grimace followed his words. Awkwardly, you stayed between his legs not really knowing what to do. You looked between his thighs to notice his dick was still painfully hard despite needing to take a job call.

“Do you get off to the thought of being caught acting like a slut?” A look of fret and arousal shot through his eyes when he heard your words. Your hand started to stroke the bottom of his shaft while you pressed your tongue against the slit on the head. His jaw was clamped shut as his Adam’s Apple involuntarily trembled.

“Sorry, slight migraine. Could you repeat what you said?” He uttered trying to excuse his moans. “That’s fine, sir. I was explaining how…” The man on the phone once again went into detail on his previous statement yet what he told was the farthest thing on Naoya’s mind. Your tongue traced the vein along the underside of his cock before ever-so-slowly letting it sink into your mouth. When the head hit the back of your throat you gave a harsh suck before rising your head again. You knew he hates a slow pace so that’s exactly what you gave him.

“Thank you for your time, sir. It’s greatly appreciated.” Naoya hummed in response and let out a quick ‘yeah’ before hanging up the call. “You whore! Do you know what you’ve done?” You gave a hum that only sent more vibrations to his dick. His hands tangled themselves into your hair. Eventually you began to notice the way his twitches became more frequent and the way his breath hitched. An anguished groan fell from his lips when you lifted your head from his cock, denying him of his release. “What the fuck? Make me cum.” You let out a sadistic giggle. “Nuh-uh. I wanna play, bunny.” You could almost see the steam coming from his ears and to be quite frank, you found it hilarious. Standing onto your feet you walked yourself over to your wardrobe.

“What do you think of trying this one out?” You presented a rather large dildo. “Will that even fit?” His nervous eyes scanned the 8 inches of silicone. “You always manage to make it fit, slut.” You strutted back towards the middle of his thighs while lathering the dildo in lube.

“Hands and knees.” Without hesitation he flipped himself over onto his stomach and raised his ass in the air.

“You’re such a whore.” Your tone sounded like sweet candy in contrast to your words. After you had strapped the harness to yourself you attached the dildo onto it. Aligning yourself against his ass you slowly sunk the strap-on into him. Placing one hand on his hips and the other hand on the mattress beside his head, you leaned onto his back. Starting a very slow pace you began to suck love bites against his shoulder blades. His lips were trembling against the mattress, occasionally letting out soft whimpers whenever you moved a bit too harshly. Using your strong grip on his hips you dragged your hips back until only the tip of the dildo was in his ass. A pleasured scream flooded from his mouth when your hips slammed against his.

“Dumb bitch can’t keep his mouth shut? Do I have to fucking gag you?” Tear stained cheeks struggled to shake left to right, begging you to let him stay in this position. “Fine.” You quickened your place, digging your nails into his skin in the process. You moved your other hand from the mattress to the back of his neck, securing him to the bed as you continued your fast and hard thrusts. His breath hiked as he felt his release creeping up on him. “Please… Touch my cock.” Your chortle was sadistic yet it somehow made his cock twitch. “Oh, but puppy… I wanna see you come undone without being touched.” A choked sob left his lips. His hips began to move against yours as he tried to fuck himself against the strap-on. You let out a disgusted sigh. “Needy whore.” And with that he felt himself going over the edge. You rode him through his orgasm while leaving his cock untouched.

It was almost cute how pathetic he acted for you. Cum saturating the mattress with his head still pushed against the pillow. It took a few seconds for him to snap back into reality and when he did a growl escaped his lips.

“You can get rid of it now.” His face was turned, eyes glaring back at yours. You slowly pulled your hips back, admiring the crescent indents marking his hips. His asshole tightened around the bigger tip of the dildo and when you noticed you couldn’t help but unexpectedly thrust back in. A startled moan left his mouth and when he realised his loud noise, he bit down harshly against his lower lip.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Dildo fully inside him you responded with “having fun.”

Your hands reached to the edge of the bed frame, grabbing onto the vibrating cock ring. You tossed his body over so his back was against the mattress. Your fingers traced against the prominent vein on his overstimulated cock. The cock ring slid back onto his dick, making him once again vulnerable for you. The rhythm of your thrusts was relentless, only giving him time to let out soft whimpers covered by his palm. His face looked dazed with his eyes half lidded in ecstasy and his cheeks decorated with an obvious blush.

At that moment Naoya’s thighs began to quiver. “Gonna cum again? Greedy slut.” His hips bucked up against the strap-on, meeting your forceful thrusts. With a broken moan of your name he came on the mattress.

“You did well, my husband.” Slowly, you pulled out the dildo from his used ass. He winced slightly at the feeling of the tip stretching his rim. Turning onto his back, he moved his eyes to look at your figure. In his eyes you were a goddess who, for some odd reason, decided to put up with his bullshit. His eyes lowered to stare at your ass as you left the room. When you came back he noticed that you had detached the strap-on and had a towel in your hand to clean him up with.

No woman but you could make his heart flutter this much.

[where-theres-smoak-2]

I was re-watching the Phantom of the Opera and the Christine/Raul relationship really reminds me of Malina. Both of these couples are childhood sweethearts,both Mal and Raul want to protect Christine and Alina from the Phantom/Aleksander(and have nicknames for them -“Little Lotte”/“Little Friend”) and both didn’t really notice them until they became popular/other man started being interested in them. Also very similar to Malina them being childhood friends is basically the entire point of their romance. I mean do we ever hear Mal and Alina talking about anything other than memories of their time at Keramzin?Both of these couples are tied by memories of them as children not as adults who’ve grown and changed. Alina can’t really talk about her time spend in the LP and learning how to be Grisha and the only time she does is to apologise for making “stupid mistakes”. Also both Christine and Alina appear more mature/taking charge of their sexuality with Phantom/Darkles compared to when they’re with Raul/Mal. The Phantom and Sasha are also seen as unacceptable romantic partners(with Sasha he’s physically attractive to people around him but he’s also ostracised at the same time due to who he is), persecuted and have severe trauma as result.In contrast Raul and Mal belong to the patriarchy and uphold the status quo and are rewarded for it. The thing is with “villains”like the Phantom and Aleksander people know how to spot them either visually or due to how they behave but real abusive guys like Raul and Mal are much harder to spot in RL because they hide behind charisma and their “good guy”persona(it’s hilarious LB was trying to do this with Aleksander but instead made Mal the actual toxic guy).

It has been a very long time since I've watched Phantom of the Opera but I do think you make some great points. I think one great point you made was about how Alina and M*l's relationship is all about their childhood bond as oppose to who they are as adults. I think that is part of the reason why when reading the books I just kept waiting for them to grow out of it and realise that whilst they will also have that friendship they don't work together romantically and to become their own individual people. I really hope that the show does let them grow apart and give them the chance to explore who they are outside of their relationship with each other. As you pointed out Alina never really talks to M*l about her time at the the LP and I very much got the impression it was because she felt like she couldn't without upsetting him, she just seemed very nervous and unsure about his reaction to anything grisha related, this is something that I don't find healthy at all especially when you compare it to darklina where she is confident enough to communicate with him about how she is feeling even when they are both angry with each other. Some watch those scenes where they are fighting and arguing and say that it makes darklina even more toxic but actually its healthy because they are still communicating and expressing themselves, even if its not always as well as they could be.

I also agree with what you were saying about how the 'good guys' are the ones you should be watching for. I've said from the beginning that I never understood LB's choice in villain considering the message she claimed to be wanting to put out about older men and the dangers they present to younger women. I mean Aleks really doesn't represent this type at all. They aren't easy to spot as you said they are charismatic and involved, they are sociable and when their true character is revealed everyone is shocked and says something along the lines of 'but he seemed like such a nice guy.' But Aleks isn't any of these things, he's intimidating, he's aloof and unsociable and people already look at him as a monster and as dangerous. As I've said before in other posts I think LB would have been better off choosing one of the princes as that role, maybe made Vasily a little older and made him to be charming and inviting before slowly revealing his true colours throughout the trilogy.

[potteresque-ire]

Concerning the incredibly far and deep reach of CCP’s propaganda, the narratives the government can spin and call the truth; does ‘the common normal populace’ actually know what’s really going on?

Hello everyone!!! Happy Chinese New Year!!

I’m grouping these asks because if I hear them correctly, they’re all related to this question: how much do people in China know about the atrocities committed by their government, and why don’t they do something about it?

It’s a difficult question, isn’t it? A potentially upsetting one too, just to think about. My answers are more opinion-based, more personal this time. Since there’re no polls about what people know, they have to be based a little more on my own impression, which has more chances of error. Please bear with me and proceed with caution ...

As with people in most countries, what people know is hugely dependent on individuals. Specifically, re: politics, I can think of at least three reasons why people don’t have the facts

1) they have limited access to information 2) they’re being lied to about what they know 3) they’re not interested in current affairs.

1), of course, is what most people think about when it comes to China. You’re right, Anon(s), that VPN use is indeed rampant in the country and is essentially an open secret; there’re no official numbers but surveys have estimated the number of users can be up to 100 million, most of them being youngsters. They use it to do exactly what most of us would imagine: gain access to things they don’t have otherwise. Instagram has been (sporadically?) blocked since 2014 September and so while users may have set up their accounts while being overseas, it’s indeed, (very) possible, that they’ve set up and maintained their account under VPN use.

Wait, you may ask, so you mean the Great Firewall of China doesn’t exist?

That’s exactly the official stance. Not because of private VPN use, but because individuals/companies can apply for a license via their telecommunications company to visit all internet sites. Hence, the government’s claim that the Great Firewall doesn’t exist—you’ll be let through as long as you ask (and we’ll watch your every step)! There are also no explicit laws prohibiting the use of private VPNs; only a handful of arrests associated with private VPN use have been made and only since 2019, and the punishment is considered light—no imprisonment, just fines. It is, in contrast, against the law to *provide* private VPN services, and while companies have been shut down, the crackdown has still been incredibly sluggish by Chinese government’s standards, especially when the Xi regime has made its intention of banning VPN known and directives have been issued for that in 2017.

Why has VPN continued to enjoy this “grey existence”? Because without VPN, a lot of foreign businesses would leave—some, for example, require the most efficient online tools developed outside China to track the foreign markets, and talents have rejected job offers in the country when they realised they couldn’t get on their favourite social media. The science and tech sectors also rely heavily on VPN—programmers relying on Google to search stackoverflow, for example, to find known solutions to bugs. 

VPNs have also served political purposes—Hong Kong, Taiwan, and Chinese Communist Party (CCP)-critical communities all over the world are all painfully aware of the Chinese government’s practice of hiring its own collection of internet commentators (”50 Cent Party”), and at times, mobilising their youths (gamers, fan circles) to scale the Firewall and astroturf, throw insults at the “CCP enemies” and bomb message boards with pro-CCP messages.

Also, a significant fraction of VPN companies, both in China and overseas, have been reported to have Chinese ownership, by companies with government connections. These VPN services provide a false sense of security for those who do not enjoy having big brother peeking behind their backs while acting as surveillance tools that extend beyond the country.

(Please be careful about free VPNs).

The next question: If until now, users of private VPNs only rarely get into trouble, what’s holding them from scaling the Great Firewall and learning the facts?

It is this: the law isn’t about “climbing the wall”, but what one does outside the wall.

Article 6 of the 2016 edition of Cybersecurity law states the following: 

第六条　国家倡导诚实守信、健康文明的网络行为，推动传播社会主义核心价值观，采取措施提高全社会的网络安全意识和水平，形成全社会共同参与促进网络安全的良好环境

Article 6: The State advocates sincere, honest, healthy and civilized network conduct; promoting dissemination of the core socialist values, adopting measures to raise the entire society's awareness and level of network security, and forming a good environment for the entire society to jointly participate in advancing network security.

What this article implies is this ~ legally, Chinese citizens are bound to the Chinese government’s rules of good internet conduct, regardless of whether they use VPN to get on the internet. As with many Chinese laws, however, the vagueness in wording invites more questions than answers. Is it getting on Twitter, a banned website, “sincere, honest, healthy and civilized network conduct”? Obviously, it’s illegal to interact with other users about the Xinjiang’s internment camps, but what if one only goes there to talk about their favourite stars, because on Weibo supertopic they can’t even mention the stars’ name, can’t ahkgkhagjkfaskjgdf about their favourite fics? What if one goes there to discuss a M- or E-rated fic? Where is the line drawn and given its vagueness, will that line move tomorrow? How?

Most people, therefore, have opted to simply stay away from VPN. After all, China offers its own version of many of the fun websites out there (Weibo-Twitter; Instagram-Oasis; Tiktok-Douyin; Youtube-Bilibili). For those who do use VPN, they tend to stick to websites that are unlikely to cause issues (such as Instagram; Instagram became an issue when Hong Kongers started to upload information about the protests on there).

Now, let’s proceed to 2): People don’t know the facts because they’re being lied to about what they know.

There’s a difference between having access to facts and knowing that they’re facts. This is among the most painful lessons, perhaps, for those who followed the politics of the United States in the last few years (please forgive me for the US-centric-ness of the following few paragraphs!). Even with equal access to identical information, people can vary a LOT in their understanding of what are facts and what are lies.

This illustrates the power of propaganda—and propaganda in the US isn’t even centralised. Some media outlets and individuals (political leaders and analysts) have more say on what should be viewed as the truth, but parties without significant power—small foreign and domestic interests, fringe political organisations, conspiracy theorists, regular folks—have also made critical contributions to the “fake news” phenomenon in the US. There haven’t been apparent coordinations between these parties;  little concerted effort has been made to create one coherent story out of the many tales told.

In China, the propaganda effort is centralised, coordinated, free of distractions from competing story lines. The One Story the government decides on is repeated, over and over again, on newspapers, in shows, in textbooks, on signs on the streets, on social media. To put it another way, when it comes to political discourse, the country is designed to be an echo chamber with 1.4 billion people. Over time, the One Stories inevitably become firmly held beliefs—so firmly held that even if the people are exposed to facts, they no longer believe in them.

This is especially true when the source of the facts are countries with strong traditions of freedoms of speech and press, where the facts are often laid out with a critical eye to the administration and with vastly different opinions attached to them. While we view the latter as evidences that the values we embrace are alive and well—a critical eye to the administration means the Fourth Estate is doing its job, and the different opinions means freedom of speech gets to live another day—people who haven’t been exposed to these values tend to interpret these things as signs of weakness of the government. They may think the Chinese government is better than its counterparts elsewhere because no one is penning scathing criticisms against it. They may think the Chinese government is stronger because it unifies the opinions of their people—the failure of which, they’ve been taught, would lead to social chaos and economic free-fall.

The Chinese population has also been “immunised” against the truths that may be exposed about their government by a propaganda talking point used since Chairman Mao’s days—that the “Imperialist” western world, particularly the United States, is always scheming its downfall. The phrase often used is 美帝亡我之心不死 (”The heart (intention) of Imperialist US to bring us down will never die”). Unfavourable truths exposed must therefore be part of the “bring down China” scheme. This decades-old demonisation of the political apparatus of the US and Europe also prepares the people to accept what most would see as outrageous conspiracy theories: for example, in March 2020, the Ministry of Foreign Affairs claimed that the US Army intentionally planted COVID in Wuhan during the 2019 Military World games. “Foreign interference” becomes a frequent and convenient scapegoat for policy decisions gone wrong, sometimes to a (somewhat) hilarious effect ~ for example, a Taiwanese journalist calculated the cost required for the CIA to fund the 2019 Hong Kong Protests, as the Chinese government had claimed—and it turned out that the CIA was too poor to do it. 

(Many of us in the US would probably laugh at the idea that our government is capable of secretly paying 2 million foreign-language speaking strangers to show up together in one march.) (It can’t even get the COVID relief payments to its own people right over a period of months.)

(Fun trivia for turtles! As 美帝=“Imperialist US” is the synonym of a feared, imaginary super-villain—super organised, super efficient, super everywhere and super impossible to take down—c-BJYX, the indestructible No. 1 CP fandom in China, has been nicknamed “美帝 cp” by those not so enamoured with it.)

Finally, there’s the psychological factor. Once a set of beliefs becomes personal truths, listening to alternatives can be very upsetting (for those in the US: imagine the blue voting block made to listen to Fox News). Hence, even when people gain access to the facts later—for example, when they study/work abroad, even emigrate—they often don’t take advantage of the access. Instead, they remain logged in in the Chinese social media sites where they’re comfortable with not only the politics but also the language and the friendships they’ve built, and continue to immerse themselves in an environment heavy with CCP propaganda. They remain defenders of the Chinese government; some have even gone out and harass people who disagree with it, in the name of freedom of speech that their country of origin never offered to them.

Censorship, of course, is an important component of building a One Story echo chamber, and I should add a note about it: censorship in China comes in vastly different strengths. The restrictions on LGBT+ issues, for example, are fairly lax, relatively speaking—“homosexuality” remains a term one can find on their internet and a topic the administration continues to address, and while BL dramas are censored, their adapted versions, along with highly publicised discussions of their original material, have so far been tolerated. The strictest form of Chinese censorship would’ve allowed neither: any mention of the 1989 June 4th Tiananmen Square massacre , for example, is immediately removed, including any hints that the event may have happened. When the former leader of the Chinese government, Jiang Zemin (江澤民), was rumoured to have passed away, the censorship apparatus went so far as to remove all mentions of Jiang, which also happened to mean “large rivers”. Chinese netizens therefore joked that major rivers had ceased to exist in China that day, as one couldn’t find any information about them online.

(LGBT+ activists have therefore remained optimistic about the future of their campaign, despite the current state of affairs. To put it simply: the Chinese government has bigger fish to fry. Sexual minorities haven’t had major clashes with the administration, haven’t embarrassed the Chinese government with their demand for rights as the ethnic minorities—the Uyghurs, the Tibetans, the Mongolians etc did. Political dissidents, including the millions in Hong Kong, are also (far) ahead in the ranking of fish size.)

For most issues, the censorship effort sits somewhere in the middle and is often inconsistent over time. The people, therefore, often have knowledge that an event has happened — even when the event is considered, beyond the Great Firewall, damaging to the reputation of the Chinese government. However, critical information is often missing in their knowledge, or is heavily distorted. For example, overseas Chinese citizens have insisted that the motivation of the 2019 Hong Kong Protests was economic, echoing the longstanding CCP propaganda that Hong Kongers have been jealous of China’s prosperity (reality: China’s GDP per capita was $10,268 USD in 2019, and Hong Kong’s, $48,713—more than 4 times higher). They missed out a critical fact: while the fast economic growth of China has created some unease—Hong Kongers have always known the Chinese government has only tolerated them and their freedoms for their ability to generate wealth—what has truly ignited Hong Kong’s anger is the Chinese government’s violation of the 1984 Sino-British Joint Declaration, and the terms it had agreed upon to get back the then British crown colony. Hong Kong hasn’t been demanding autonomy and freedoms because it’s a troublemaker, but because these things were promised to the city as conditions of the 1997 handover. As residents of the world’s third largest financial centre, Hong Kongers are diligent drafters and executioners of contracts (which international treaties are) and above all, faithful believers of them. For an asker (the Chinese government) to claim a contract as “historical”  because it has received the goods (Hong Kong) and no longer feels a need to pay (allow Hong Kong 50 years of freedoms and autonomy) is offensive to the principle, the very heart and soul of the city. 

(Gg’s former boss was a Hong Konger, and his experience working for him was a rather accurate reflection of Hong Kong’s view on business. What made an impression to Gg—that the posters should be without rips and misprints, even if these imperfections were not the fault of the design company—is a no-brainer to the Hong Konger in me reading the interview. Delivering high quality goods and services isn’t an act of kindness but rather, of professionalism and respect for the contract.)

(This interview is a highly recommended read, for those who’ve missed it!)

(One more example of “conveniently missed critical information”: remember GG’s show on Chongqing? Did you know the underground bombing shelters were not built by the Communist government, but the Nationalist government that was still ruling China during WWII?)

Anyway, where was I?

Right. We’re getting to 3): People are not getting the facts on the political situation in China because they’re not interested in current affairs.

Some—well, many— people are not interested in politics.

Some of you may be thinking: well, I’m not interested either. I follow politics because it’s important.

Why is it important? Because political engagement means you can do something about the many ills of the society, speak for those who cannot, force the government to change by voting, by voicing your opinion, by going to marches and protests etc.

What if you follow politics and still can’t do most of these things? What if, if you do choose to do these things, the price you pay may be astronomical? Will you still follow politics or devote your time, your energy to something else, something you’ve got more control over, something that won’t be as saddening, frustrating because it’s something you can actually change?

3) is therefore intricately related to why people often don’t do anything, even if they manage to find out about the facts.

There’re no national elections in China. Marches and protests are practically banned because while the Chinese Constitution guarantees the freedom of assembly (as it does freedom of speech and press; Article 35), it also explicitly states that "Citizens of the People’s Republic of China, in exercising their freedoms and rights, may not infringe upon the interests of the State, of society or of the collective, or upon the lawful freedoms and rights of other citizens.” (Article 51) — ie. the freedoms and rights only go as far as if they do not stand in the government’s way. Social media and all communications platforms are under constant surveillance, and so only opinions tolerated by the government is allowed... 

And so, the fact, social ill that has broken your heart—you can’t tell for sure if it isn’t talked about because the government has censored it, how many people know about it and more importantly, how many among the people who know about it will agree with your take. If you break your silence and voice your concerns, how many people will have your back, even if you also conceive them as victims of the social ill? If the social ill is the lack of rights of a minority group, for example, will they appreciate your speaking out, or will your “rocking-the-boat” make things even worse for them? A heavily watched net means communications with the oppressed/vulnerable social groups are often filled with obstacles, if not outright impossible. You don’t know how these groups feel; you don’t even know how many affected individuals are there. You watch the and news and shows and they all talk about how wonderfully things are going; how everyone seems so hopeful and positive and happy with their lives—are you the only person feeling that way? Are you wrong? If you speak out then, will you be yelling into the void, or worse, yelling at the police who “invites” you for a chat in the police station? To speak for those who do not have a voice to speak, are you ready, willing to take the risk of also becoming one who no longer has a voice to speak? Is your family ready? 

To put it another way: the opportunity cost of “doing something” about the political situation can be astronomically high in China, compared to the opportunity cost of us doing something similar in our own country. 

If I want to support the LGBT+ population in my part of the US, for example, I can do so effectively with minimal investment and most importantly, with minimal risk. By pasting a rainbow flag on this Tumblr post, for example, I’ve already signalled to those who need support on this issue that I’m ready to give mine. And this “signal” of mine will join the hundreds and thousands on the site, collectively telling the activists doing the “on the ground” fighting that they’re not alone; that they have my vote of support. I pose no danger to myself in doing so; no one will accuse me of, arrest me for infringing upon the interests of the State and the Collective. The rainbow flag, a display of my stance, will not turn into a blurred blob the next time I look at it, transform overnight from a symbol of solidarity to a warning sign to those who may wish to join the cause. There’s no danger for me, even, to carry an actual, huge rainbow flag to Pride, perform my activism in person. I don’t have to worry about my phone already giving away my identity as a protester to the government, especially in post-COVID times. I don’t need to watch out for plain clothes pretending to be my allies. I don’t have to look at the many surveillance cameras present and wonder if I’ll get blacklisted as a troublemaker.

Am I still being tracked and taken pictures of? Possibly. But for this cause, at least, I’m not afraid that these information will be used to arrest me. If I were arrested, I know there'll be lawyers and activists who would come to my aid. LOUDLY. ANGRILY.

I’m not afraid. Period. I’m having fun. And I doubt I can say the same if I try to carry a rainbow flag to Tiananmen square and march there.

This vast difference in the opportunity cost of taking political action is the reason why I’ve refrained from demanding those who live under authoritarian dictatorships to stand up for their neighbours who’ve been oppressed / bullied by their governments. I’ve refrained from criticising them for looking away, minding their own business. Do I wish they’ve take action? Of course I do. Am I aware that their lack of action is potentially more harmful because of the frequent atrocities happening around them? Yes. But I also understand that going on a fight is far more frightening when one doesn’t even have a sense of how many will join their side of the fight; I understand that fighting for what one deserves—freedoms, rights, justice—should never equal martyrdom, and just because a regime has elected to put equal signs between the two doesn’t mean those equal signs should ever be there. I remind myself that, to ask the people in any authoritarian dictatorship to stand up for a political cause is to ask them to make sacrifices that we, as people in relatively free societies, do not need to make when standing up for the same cause. In a country where a father demanding the truth about the milk product poisoning of his own son got jail time for “eliciting social disorder”, to stand up for even a single issue, no matter how small that issue is, requires courage that I’m not sure I have.

I can’t ask anyone to do anything I may not be able to do myself.

And this is why I, too, have chosen to support these people, even if many of them are single-issue activists, even when many support the Chinese government on other issues that matter. For example, the late Dr Li Wenliang, one of the eight COVID whistleblowers in China who passed away from the disease, was an opponent of the Hong Kong Protest, but I still (greatly) appreciate, respect him for what he did. As long as they’re not actively helping the government to cause (more) harm to others, as long as their cooperation with their government falls within what is demanded of them as citizens, they have my support. Why? Because most people who speak out in China cannot afford to stand up for more than one cause before it becomes dangerous for them. Because even if it’s only a tiny vulnerable social group, one small minority that makes a tiny step towards more rights, more freedoms, more justice, it’s still a victory in a country where rights, freedoms and justice are luxury items for those with neither political nor economic power. Because those who’re not part of the ruling class cannot afford to cherry pick their allies, cannot afford to in-fight when the ruling class already holds absolute power. Because I still believe in pay-it-forward, that most people who’ve benefited from someone standing up for them, even for one small incident, one minor cause, is more likely to stand up for someone else.

This is, admittedly, not always an easy choice to make—not for me, at least. I do get frustrated, can’t help but think at times that those who subscribe to and spread propaganda are, to a certain extent, corroborators of the atrocities committed by their government. (So, to those who’ve felt this frustration, you’re not alone!). And the Hong Konger in me has every reason to be furious with everything about China right now—all I could think of, when I listened to Gg singing 異鄉人 Foreigner the other night, are all the Hong Kongers fleeing the city now, as refugees, because of their political beliefs.

But for now, I’m hanging on. I’ve been able to tell myself that given the country’s political reality, given its tradition of collectivism (which tends to view confrontational dissent with scorn), the paths to freedoms, to equal rights and acceptance, will not be the same as what I’ve seen, what I’ve wished for. They’ll likely be slow; They’ll likely be long and winding, taking three steps forward and two steps back; they’d likely be unexpected in places, offer us surprises —

And since it’s Chinese New Year / Valentines and I’m feeling brave (irresponsible?), I’d venture a little bit of speculation and say this ~ yes, I’ve wondered if one of these many paths may be trodden, intentionally or not, by two beautiful male idols and their millions of turtles. Is it wishful, fantastical thinking? I’d be the first to admit the answer is yes. But the BJYX scheme has been so well executed as of now, so effective that I can’t help but wonder if it’s leading towards some sort of a goal, whether devised by the humans involved or by the gods/Fates who, as c-turtles have said so romantically, have been writing an original BL story with our favourite boys. The goal may be personal —simply two people being able to act more like themselves again under the spotlight—or a bit more ambitious…

… Because the sneakers + ice-cream post did catch my attention (will probably have to devote a post on that?). Another small incident that has caught my attention, unrelated to Gg and Dd but can significantly change the path they may be trodding, is this — in June 2020, People’s Daily, the state controlled newspaper, boasted its country’s increasing friendliness towards the LGBT+ communities on Twitter . While the tweet was met with skepticism and soon removed, the message it sent is this: the Chinese government may have figured out the the Western world (in particular, the younger generations) view LGBT+ rights as a measure of progressiveness. While I’m still leaning towards the government maintaining a tight grip on LGBT+ rights within its borders, with the strengthening call to boycott 2022 Beijing Winter Olympics because of the country’s poor human rights record, I can see a glimmer of possibility that the same government may do the unexpected and cater to the queer community for the sake of propaganda.  As I mentioned, the queer community hasn’t caused much headache for the Chinese government, and so it’s far more likely to be chosen as the “benefactors” of such a “we’re a human rights champion too!” propaganda campaign than, say, ethnic minorities and political dissidents. Promoting dissemination of core socialist values has always sat high on the CCP’s agenda list, and its target audience has always included foreign, non-Chinese populations; this effort is known as 大外宣—“The Great External Propaganda”. And who better to cast as leads of an international propaganda campaign on LGBT+ rights than two of its own stars who’ve already demonstrated loyalty to the government, who’ve already garnered international fame from a TV series widely viewed as queer, and who may actually be queer?

(And if—if!!!— this ever happens, may I ask everyone to please consider doing the following? Please do not feel a need to express gratitude. Please do not act as though it’s a gift. Celebrate as you would celebrate anyone in a free country exercising their birthright to live, to love the way they want — no less than that, no more than that.)

(For those who’ve asked ~ as international fans, not allowing the CCP to modify our expectations of how a government should behave may be one of the most effective ways to protect Gg and Dd.)

(I call this learning from the best: get the goods we want (more rights for the people in China), refuse to pay the cost (subscribe to CCP’s propaganda), and RUN! ❤️💛💚)

[clonecumber]

Niner for the character ask (but in like a month or two because you've written so many of these! 😅)

I appreciate the generous timeline, but you're asking me about my favorite character here.

(Thank you :) )

First impression : You know the beat up old stuffed toy who just looks like they have seen some shit that some people have? That was Niner to kid me. I latched on to him like a limpet, and expressed this affection by throwing him at every weirdass plot a kid my age could come up with. I had a thing for "oldest sibling"/"leader" character types with anxiety who are under a lot of pressure and just really, really wanted things to do what they were supposed to do and Niner hit all my buttons. Him and Silverbolt from the G1 Transformers cartoon, man. I put them through the wringer.

Impression now : Honestly, hasn't changed much? Mostly it's just gained new elements and perspective. I have a much better appreciation for his obstinacy and temper, which is a part of his character I sort of slept on when I was a child, and especially how it lives alongside his deeply caring nature (and anxiety), for better and for worse. I really like that he feels things very deeply, and needs to express his thoughts and feelings externally to really process them, but struggles with actually articulating those strong emotions and difficult thoughts to the point he usually just ends up blurting them out in a really garbled or unfiltered way that either confuses anyone who doesn't speak fluent Niner...or straight up pisses them off (looking at A'den). But also that he keeps working at it. He doesn't just, you know, shrug and go, "Oh, well, guess that's that," like Ordo does with his total inability to act reassuring even though he notes it as a problem at least twice in the series, or Kal does with his...everything. Instead he actively tries to improve. Most of his confused emotional outbursts happen when he's younger too, which is another fun thing, because we get to watch Niner grow into himself a bit over the course of the series. By 501st, Niner's shown on page to have been looking into things to understand and help Darman, and understanding his own limitations to the extent he goes out and finds answers so he can better help. We also see him reaching out to his squad in Order 66 similarly, which makes me think he's been trying to learn better communication skills and deepen his emotional literacy for awhile. Compare to Hard Contact and his way of approaching Fi in literally their first chapter together, and how he tries to get Fi to talk to him later in the book when Fi flat-out tells him he's checked out of the situation with Atin because he can't deal with it otherwise. Young!Niner keeps pushing at Fi because he wants to help, which only makes Fi lash out at him. It's a stark contrast to how he handles Darman in 501st, where he's consistent about checking on Darman and making sure Darman knows he's there for him without actually pushing him past where he's ready to go, which I thought was pretty great character development. This is less a general impression than a fixation on a particular part of his character, I know, but it's what I've got.

Also think it's hilarious that Niner is 100% transparent in a book where everyone is playing some sort of game 90% of the time. He is capable of chewing a man up one side and down the other in the same breath he tucks them in and asks if they want a glass of water and not a single person in his life ever feels like these are somehow mixed messages. He doesn't play emotional games and he doesn't withhold affection because he's irritated with someone, and so no one in his life doubts his affection and goodwill even when it's coming with a heavy dose of stress fussing.

Honestly, everyone in the book says Niner emulates Kal, but sometimes I think Niner is actually just much closer to being the guy Kal thinks he is to his kids.

Favorite moment : I've had a policy of never looking these up to check my memory and also for going with the first, most vivid scene to pop in my head, so: Niner in TZ when he covered a sleeping Skirata with a blanket. Just him standing over him with his hands on his hips and tutting, and then going to get the blanket and tucking this fifty-something year old man in, was just. So very Niner. Also not something we often get to see male characters doing in media, especially for other adult characters, and especially for other adult, male characters, for all that I don't actually want to give KT any sort of points in that direction whatsoever. I'm aware it was probably supposed to be more about Skirata than Niner, but it was a very nice moment regardless, and character-defining for Niner, I think.

Idea for a story : *slams fist on desk* CUDDLING. In a purely platonic way, I want to see Niner to have control taken away from him for a bit by someone he trusts, who wants to do that for him. I vote Boss.

I've only ever seen this written in a BDSM context? Which isn't really what I'm going for, but I guess if you can do platonic BDSM elements, then...that?

Just let him be quiet for awhile and not have to worry about anything. Cherish the man. Platonically.

Unpopular opinion : There are no such things as popular opinions here, I think, lol. Uhh, I don't know, I'm pretty attached to my "Niner is a sheepdog" comparison. I feel like it really says it all.

Favorite relationship : I've been intrigued by his relationship with Boss ever since I was a child and that has not changed. I think their dynamic is interesting and - while it has evolved a bit with time and age - hasn't actually shifted that much from my initial read of it. I feel like their personalities are an interesting blend of clashing and perfectly complimentary, and they can relate to each other in a way they can't with their squads. I sort of see them growing on each other like fungii.

Favorite headcanon : That Niner is very, very ace. I go back and forth a bit on the aro side of things, but even then I tend to lean toward quoiromantic at most.

---

https://clonecumber.dreamwidth.org/3866.html - post with all the collected asks

[cosmic-rainestorm]

Jealousy looks good on you - Brainy x reader

Warning:jealous Brainy. Also spoilers for S5E10.

This was requested by @diva-1992

It was strange to say the least, seeing multiple versions of your boyfriend in the same room. Ever since crisis and the rebirth of the Earth, many things have changed. A few examples is the fact that there is no more multiverse, everyone we have met on the different earth's is on one earth, Lex Luthor is liked by people and now there is multiple Brainiac 5's.

Other than the initial strangeness, the initial incident of when they all saw you and the mild discomfort from how the other Brainy's looked at you that went after a couple of minutes, you found it absolutely hilarious how they all contrasted from each other. Plus, they were generally great people to be around once the staring got to a bearable amount.

Happy Querl was easy to talk to and very enthusiastic, maybe a tad bit too much. Scared Querl had great fashion style and could have a nice conversation with once he wasn't in a constant jittering mess. Female Querl was confident and was straight to the point whilst also considering her words, although she could be kind of cold at moments. However none of them were the true Brainy, your Brainy. The one you fell in love with. He was a mix of all three but even better, and you loved him for him.

He, however, couldn't get past his own insecurities and jealousy over how well you got on with the others, and what they all did when they saw.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Situated in the room where eyepatch Brainy was left to rest, you couldn't help but feel sadness towards the man laying in front of you. He looked exactly like your Querl, except for the eyepatch, so how could you not feel an emotion to a dead man who looks identical to the one you love, even if you are yet to say it.

Prime Brainy strode into the room, pulling you out of your thoughts almost instantaneously. He pulled you into a hug and kiss you softly on the head in a form of reassurance that things would be okay.

"Brainy, I-I know that it isn't you lying on that table, but hunny, I can't help but feel grief towards him," you whispered to your partner "he looks exactly like you, probably thought like you as well, I can't help think of what his life was like on his Earth, if he found someone who got him like you and I get each other. Plus, knowing there is a killer coming after Brainiac 5's doesn't help ease any worries that you could be next. I-I-I can't lose you Querl."

Tear started pricking in your eyes at the mere thought of losing your Brainy and he could clearly tell the rodeal was upsetting you. As a couple of tears started falling down your cheeks, Brainy cupped you face ever so softly to try and centre you as he spoke,

"y/n, if you are feeling guilt for grieving for this man, don't. Your right, he does look like me, except for the eyepatch, sprock it is cool," he exclaimed with a small smile making you laugh "and he probably thought like me as well. If anything, you feeling grief towards my doppelganger shows how much you care about me, and it flatters me. And darling, you don't need to worry about me dying anytime soon. I'm not ready to leave you and I won't be for a very long time. Everyone is trying to figure out how exactly eyepatch me died and how to stop it should it happen again. In mean time, do not worry about whether I am alright or not okay?"

"Okay"

With that, you both got back to work to try an figure out how the other Brainiac 5's got to your Earth. However, that got disruptive when a certain ponytailed Colouan squealed your name and pulled you into a kiss, leaving both you and Querl stunned to say the least.

"Sprock y/n, I am so glad you made to see you, but why are you on this Earth?"

After the initial stun of the kiss, you blinked your back into exist to see two very similar but different Brainy's infront of you. I didn't help that when the other Brainiac's walked into the room, they also kissed you (angsty Querl on the top of your head and Female Querl also on the lips) and asked the same question. All you could do was stand there frozen until you fully comprehend what ahd just happened.

"Ummmmm, I'm on this Earth because I - live - hereee, " you uneasily resonded "I'm y/f/n y/l/n, I'm uh guessing you knew my dopplegangers huh."

You laughed slightly xnot knowing how to act as they all gave you looks of apologises. However your Brainy seemed to look more pissed off than apologetic to what just happened. Especially since his fist was slightly clenched whilst he rested his face atop it.

"Yes, it seems they do," he gritted out when suddenly he became very calm "y/n, do you mind if I have a word with my fellow Brainiac's, I would like to ask them questions surrounding how they got here but would prefer to ask them alone."

He simply smiled at you waiting for your answer. If you were honest, it not only scared you a little, but also intrigued you.

" Um yes of course dear. I have diagnostics to run anyway. It was uh lovely meeting you all."

With that, you left the room that all the Brainiac's were situatedto run diagnostics and simulations to try and solve their problem, whilst also getting away from all the staring and awkwardness of what just happened . However, Brainy wanted to know the reason as to why the other 3 were continuously looking at you and to why they kissed you

"If you don't mind me asking, why exactly were did all three of you kissed MY y/n"

All three turned to each other then looked at him. It wasn't until female Brainy spoke up did he get his answer.

"Well on my Earth, y/n was my wife for a year and a half and my partner for 4"

"Ah yes, she was also my girlfriend for 2 years, 7 months and 13.5 days. And what a tremendous girlfriend she is, well was I guess." Happy Brainy explained with a hint of sadness.

"ye-yes, y/n was m-my girlfriend for nearly 3 years as w-w-well. I loved her dearly, I would do absolutely anyth-thing for her."

Brainy was finding this hard to comprehend. Not only were they all him, they all had relationships with their Earths' version of you. It gave him a strange feeling, a feeling he severely did not like.

With his anxieties running wild, he left the room to run calculations and to try and keep his mind off the whole scenario.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was only two hours later when you found Brainy huddled up in a spare room with a tablet. The other three had apologised to you and aexplained their situations and how it would take getting used being around a y/n that wasn't their own.

Leaning against the wall, you admired the Coluan that you were in love with and smiled softly to yourself.

"So, this is were you've been hiding, I was starting to worry darling."

After not getting an answer back which was odd to say the least, you started to get worried about Brainy.

"Brainy, are you okay. Is the other Brainiacs being here cause you to stress." you softly asked

No answer, only the soft murmuring of jumbled words could be heard from Brainy, a sign of either he was deep in thought or highly stressed.

"Querl, what's wrong, please talk to me"

"why would it matter" he huffed angrily "you probably prefer talking to one of the other versions of me."

You couldn't believe what he was saying, why would you want to talk to the others, you had obviously gone looking for him so you could spend time together away from the drama.

And then it hit you. You almost scolded yourself for not noticing it sooner. The clenched fist, the sudden calm nature of his commanding question, the forced smile, and the lack of contact just now.

"You're jealous, aren't you?" you pondered aloud with a slight smirk.

The question caused his head to whip around to face you, making you smirk more out of amusment.

"I am not jealous" he slightly gritted out.

"Oh but I think you are dear"

"That is proposterus-"

"It isn't though, because all he telltale signs are the-hmph"

In an instant, you were backed up into the nearest wall, Brainy towering over you. His breathing heavy, his hair dishevelled and his dark eyes piercing into your's. (If this isn't definition of scared and horny I don't know what is)

"y/n I am not jealous. I just don't like when they look at you or when they are talking to you or when they are near you. Especially after they had l kissed you. This is highly rational since you are MY girlfriend and you are the person that I fell in love with and I don't want anyone to get in the way of us, not even my dopplegangers since I am that in love with you!" he huffed out.

It took you both awhile for his confession of love to dawn on the both of you. At this point, both of your breathing was slightly erratic due to his confession (and because of Brainy, I mean damn). Brainy couldn't read your reaction to his reveal, whether you were happy, sad or confused. He was about to say he was sorry when your lips started to curl upwards into a smile that could only be described as full of love and adoration.

"I love you too, I have for a long time though I just didn't know how to tell you. And Querl, no one can get in the way of that, not even your dopplegangers, because they aren't you, they aren't the Coluan I fell so deeply in love with."

Brainy was ecstatic and so full of emotions that he leant down and kissed you feverishly on the lips, pouring every emotion he felt for you into that kiss, which you reciprocated with ease.

"Agent y/l/n, Director Danvers would like to see you"

Breaking apart with a slight gasp for air, you leant your forehead against Brainy's, slowly bringing your breathing back to a normal pace.

"How about when I've finished talking to Alex, you and me can work together to figure how the other Brainiac's got to our Earth. And once we have it all sorted out, you and me can go back to my place, order takeout and watch some movies. That sound good.

"Yes, I would very much like that, my love."

As you slowly walked towards the door to leave, a grin appeared on your face as you turned back to Brainy.

"Oh and by the way. You look extremely hot when your jealous love."

BONUS:

As Brainy entered the main control room, he saw you, Kara, Alex and the other Brainiac's standing around the main control panel.

With jealousy still coursing through him, Querl strode towards you and pulled you into a passionate kiss, shocking the others.

As he pulled away, he turned to his dopplegangers and smiled.

"y/n, is mine, got it"

Once they had all nodded, he walked away with a grin, leaving you a blushing mess and ran after him to slightly scold him.

---------------------------------------------------

AHHHHHHHHH, I HAD SO MUCH FUN WRITING THIS.

14th May - just proof read it as I saw some misspellings

[go-ldy]

Riverdale 5x03

Man, I found this episode hard. There were some poignant moments, but there were also a lot of moments that were frustrating as hell. My emotions are mixed. But mainly sad. Hold me.

It really says a lot about this show that despite setting aside a whole episode dedicated mostly to character building and relationships rather than plot, it still felt like the show bit off more than it could chew. So much felt rushed including Bughead’s breakup.

anyway, the positives first:

Varchie were beautiful in this episode, and I am so happy for my Varchie mutuals for the care put into developing them and giving them this kind of send off (esp. considering the mess of 4x17 and 4x18). I loved how Archie’s flashback of his life over the last three years was just 90% about Veronica and how much she means to him. It especially contrasts to the BA “flashbacks” from 4x17 l o l. 

Archie spontaneously deciding to join the army and shipping out on an actual bus 24 hours later was so Archie and so Riverdale.  “Archie, there’s a war going on!” made me laugh out loud, IDK. 

Veronica, Betty, and Jughead chasing Archie down in the jalopy to say goodbye was a sheer delight.

Betty Cooper: FBI trainee, default law enforcement officer, yearbook editor, serial killer genes, daughter of the black hood, sister of notorious killer Charles Smith - ALSO class Valedictorian! (Can u still be class Valedictorian if you were once suspended for cheating on a Quiz Show? Riverdale High says ‘yes.’) Good for u, B. Coop.

yessssss at Hiram Lodge being forced to put Sheriff Keller back into a job to arrest those kids hiding out at Archie’s boxing studio (and Archie didn’t notice that these youth were squatting there for months ?????? lmao). I KNEW RIVERDALE DID NOT HAVE A SHERIFF THESE LAST FEW EPISODES. Truly the lawless hellhole we have come to know and love.

Jughead staying in the Andrews’ home while it was put on the market to be sold was hilarious to me. I know it was supposed to be sad - and it was - but ALSO, can you imagine perspective buyers coming into the house only to find that there is a homeless person camping out in there without furniture or electricity or heat? “Why is there a rolled up sleeping bag in the corner?” “Is that a typewriter on the floor?” “Did I just step into an old can of soup?” JUGHEAD, MAN. They probably had to turn off the electricity and heat to save money because he was single-handedly keeping the house from selling.

It was very sad that Jughead was the only one who showed up at Pop’s a year later (and then sees a blonde girl come in and immediately his eyes light up because Betty before the disappointment o m g, murder me), but also a surprisingly relatable moment? I barely remember my own high school graduation, but I do remember that my high school friends felt like everything to me at the time, and I have since fallen out of touch with, uh, all of them. Life happens.

The stuff that was meh:

In theory, I am not opposed to the idea that Jellybean became the auteur/voyeur because she felt neglected and wanted attention, but it still feels like Jellybean is only about 25% of a character. Like, we heard a lot of other people (mostly FP and Jughead) tell us about JB’s motivations, but did JB have a single speaking line in this episode where she actually got to express to anyone what she was thinking and feeling? ugh. 

I don’t care about Falice, but ????? @ FP’s solution to fix JB. So... taking her back... to her drug dealing mother who did not even show up for her own son’s funeral.... is better than a child therapist? Fine. 

Nobody seemed to have any lingering reactions or trauma to Charles being a serial killer?? Like what. Is he even in jail? Or did Betty just let him go? This is actually quite inconvenient for me from a fic-writing perspective. Nobody is a better deux ex machina when Betty or Jughead need something in fic - just call their brother Charles who works for the FBI! I guess that’s done now.

I did feel for Alice, and Alice is not a character I usually feel for because she is the worst. But her husband and eldest son ended up being serial killers, Polly is in an insane asylum, the twins have disappeared from planet earth, and now FP is leaving her. Damn. That is a lot.

So did Choni breakup? It literally happened so fast with so little emotional fallout. Whatever, I don’t care about Choni.

The Beronica and Jarchie scenes were so rushed and forced. I just don’t get this storyline, y’all. What was the point of doing what they did with Betty and Archie in 4x17 and 4x18? Was it simply to break up our two main couples? Veronica and Jughead should have each had the time and space to be angry with their BFFs over what happened (because as crazy as this town is, it is still a massive betrayal) but instead they were both like: “NAH IT’S COOL SHIT HAPPENS LET’S HUG IT OUT.” It didn’t feel earned. I feel like RAS & Co. wanted the immediate drama of the ~kiss but also wanted to have this touching, Core 4 friendship moment before scattering them. What was the point. (I KNOW, I KNOW, ‘IT’S RIVERDALE’ but these characters matter to me ok and I want to understand where they are coming from.)

Bughead

This episode was... very hard. There were some cute moments, but the breakup felt so rushed and... empty? For the most part, we still have no idea where Betty’s head has been since 4x18. Presumably, she has been wracked by guilt, but terrified of telling Jughead the truth in case she ended up losing him (which, it turned out, was exactly what happened).

The scene in their bedroom where she tells him and they kiss desperately was a beautiful scene and the acting from both was oof. But I feel cheated that we did not actually get to see them talk about “us” as Jughead suggested. So did that conversation happen or not? And then to be told in a voiceover and montage that they grew apart in the space of about 45 seconds.... it was all very empty, and painful. I just.... :( :( :( 

I guess we are supposed to assume that Betty and Archie’s kiss created this chasm between them that they were unable to talk about or address head on. But it was so rushed, very “tell not show.”

anyway, this stupid show has made me sad. I AM SAD. My heart is :( @ the unspoken hurt between them that they won’t talk about for seven years. And this show is never going to address the hurt between them in a realistic or satisfying way because it is Riverdale. Usually I would immediately reach to fic to get out my feelings, but in this case, I feel more like hiding in my zombie AU then dealing with how sad this all is lol. Is that insane? That’s what Riverdale does to us. I take heart in the fact that I am not alone in my madness.

[popculturebuffet]

Top 12 Christmas Episodes!

Merry Christmas Eve Everybody! We’ve reached the end of my christmas reivews and what not on this blog. 

But as a wise barrel chested canadian man once said, I fucking love christmas, So if i’m finishing up the holiday on my blog I want to go big and stay home. So in honor of the holiday, my memories of it and just how GREAT it makes me feel i’m counting down my top 12 christmas specials! After last year’s worst of list I really wanted to do the oppsiite.. but it was naturally a lot harder. Shows usually put a LOT of effort into their christmas outings, even the ones who do so once a year, so the good FAR FAR OUTWEIGHS THE BAD. To show the contrast I could only find like.. 8 I was comfortable with putting on the worst list and even some of them aren’t that bad just not good. With the best of list? I had over 60 considered and even once I started narrowing down.. it was still around 30 or 40 REALLY GOOD specials I had to work down into this list. It took a lot of work and up to the last one it was really HARD to cut it down this far. But this is the best of the best of the best of the best of the.. you get the bit. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover and this review was already supposed to come out on christmas eve, so, since I won’t be able to use this for another year...

Er. Top 12 Christmas Specials.

12. Merry Christmas Johnny Rose (Schitt’s Creek) So I finally watched all of Schitt’s Creek this year.. and i’m kicking myself for not powering through it’s terrible starting decent ending first season earlier because the show is easly one of the best comedies of the last decade and rightly earned it’s emmy sweep this year. Heartfelt, hilarious, and starring some of the best names old and new in comedy, the show is really great and I recommend checking it out.. just again be aware the first few episodes are not very good and if it wasn’t vital to the rest of the show story wise, i’d just recommend skippping season 1. While the characters minus patriach Johnny are insuferable at first... it’s their growing from self absorbed assholes to still self abosrbed but really good and decent people that is the beating heart of the show. And no where more is this heart on the show’s sleve than at christmas time as this episode is baked in just how far our cast have come.

The episode centers on Johnny Rose, played by Eugene Freaking Levy who co created the show with his equally talented son Dan who desrves the lion’s share of the credit for the show’s upturn in quality. Since the Roses used to have big lavish christmas parties once a year, Johnny decides to throw the equilvent of what they can do on a budget at the Motel they all live in. But his family all has other plans with daughter Alexis, now happily with Ted again, meeting his friends for the first time, son David, played by Dan Levy, busy at his store with his partner, in both senses, patrick and his wife Moira having a performance with her acapella group. At first it just comes off as something typical of johnny: Something well meaning and what not but ultimatley just not something his family is into or that he planend well for.

It’s only when Johnny finds himself alone at the local diner with Moira coming to see him we find out why he’s REALLY doing this: the old lavish parties, which we see one of at the start.. ultimately ended up with him alone, sad and everyone off to their own corners. WIth the family having actually come together over the past 4 seasons, Johny simply wanted to celebrate that and says such in one of the best moments in the entire show and with one hell of a line.

"I just thought, in spite of all the hardship, we found ourselves coming together, the kids, you and me, as a family. And it just seemed like the perfect day to celebrate that. The perfect day for a Rose Family Christmas Party." But Moira has already taken care of it and thus takes JOhnny home to find all their friends and the rest of the family gathered, wtih the Jazzagals serandading eveyrone with a beautiful rendition of silent night. It’s just a warm, well done character piece that really fits the holiday while also really cementing what the show had become: a show not afraid to make dirty jokes or humilatie it’s cast but one that has a true sweetness to it. It’s only that the first half’s jokes don’t quite pop all that well and feel a bit at johnny’s expense that holds it back. Otherwise this is one i’ll be coming back to every year.

11. Father of the Bob (Bob’s Burgers) Bob’s Burgers is a damn great show i’m season’s behind on. Warm, charming, weird and with an expansive side cast played by a whos who of whose in comedy today. It’s a damn fine show and i’m happy it seems to have manatained it’s quality long after the simpsons and family guy lost theirs. And the show really loves christmas.. and halloween.. and valentine’s day.. and thanksgiving. Oh god does it love thanksgiving. Point is, the shows good at holiday episodes and loves doin em and has produced some stellar ones and I had a lot to pick from here.. but I ended up going with my gut and my personal faviorite. It’s not the most christmasy despite the trappings, but the character work is just too good to leave it out in the cold.  It’s Christmas Eve and the Belcher’s are visiting Bob’s Dad. As you can tell by the fact the most we’ve seen of him is a picture of his restraunt, big bob’s diner in the belcher’s living room and a flashback where he told bob to work instead of play as a kid that set off an episode’s plot, they don’t have the best relationship. Bob has a firm rule about not spending more than 15 minutes with his dad, as that’s the point they run out of things to talk about and his dad starts getting overcrytical and making jabs at bob’s life and restraunt. Linda, being Linda, decides to meddle and when she finds out Big Bob’s short order cook is missing, has our Bob fill in.  But as we see in flash backs it’s not THAT easy to repair things, as there’s a long, bitter history between the two: When a youngbob made his first unique burger and served it to a customer, his dad threw it out without even letting anyone taste it. He then offered bob a partnership when bob was a young man but Bob snapped at Big Bob in front of his friends and left to make burgers his own way, leading to where we are now. And honestly i’ts the perfect origin story for Bob and adds a lot of shades to his character. He’s obessed with the restraunt not just because he genuinely loves cooking but because it’s HIS. His place, to create creative burgers, his family and his regulars. It’s his corner of the sky. It makes the restraunt’s existance and surivvial that much more heartwarming to know the meaning behind it.

Naturally things end up blowing up with Bob pointedly serving the burger to make a point and Big bob walking out angrily and sadly. It takes bob’s gift from the kids, who had their own neat subplot of making gifts for bob in the basement, a snowglobe wrapped in newspaper.. to find out hsi dad kept the newspaper with the review of his first restraunt and kept ALL reviews of Bob’s Burgers. Despite being a stone faced critical ass on the outside, Big BOb STILl cared.. and bob relizes he needs to make amends and actually make an effort instead of just avoiding his dad or gettin gback at him. And through the power of gay club next door line dancing, and nick offerman whose a wonderful guest star here, the two reconcile with Bob admitting he shouldn’t of humilatied his dad even if he had to go his own way, and Big Bob admitting he’s hard to work with, the loss of his wife hit him hard, and he was a bit too much. The two hug, and it’s genuinely just a good, well done story of father and son that somehow gives even more dimension to Bob, an already pretty damn fleshed out character. Just a really great episode whose holiday timing makes it better.. though not being AS much a holiday episode as a really good bob’s burgers that’s enhanced by it is why this one’s so low. Next!

10. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (MST3K) I”m honestly surpised i’ts taken me THIS long to get to something MST3K related. I’ve loved the show since high school, first exposed to it thanks to a dvd from the library and continuing from there to present day. I love the show’s combination of riff’s on perfectly cheesy movie and fun skits with really good puppets especially for the budget. It’s just good comfort food in show form and no where is comfort food more welcome than christmas, and each era of MST3K, so far hopefully the show will come back again eventually, has had i’ts own damn good christmas special, with this being my faviorite out of the three. 

The other two are good: ironically I have a poster for the santa claus over my computer, or rather crow and tom as santa and pitch aka satan respectively. Yes really, that’s the premise. IT is as awesome and batshit insane as it sounds. Point is I like that one and year without a santa claus, this one just has more personal warmth to me. I jus tlove the holiday feeling of joel and the bots readying for christmas in the host segments. It just feels like christmas and it’s wonderful to see the bots act like kids.  That being said.. it’s still also fucking hilaroius, with the mad’s hilariously petty wish squisher, a device that turns good gifts into socks and other unwanted presents, the best Crow T Robot quote of all time as he gives joel his santa wish

And of course, one of the best and most patently insane christmas songs ever: Have Yourself a Patrick Swayze christmas, which has become oddly sweet after his death and got me to watch road house for the first time last year... and it’s as awesome and wonderfully rediclous as this song inspiried by it and even better once you get the refrences

But while the host segments are what push this film into the list, the movie is still a delightful bit of 60′s cheese as, to restore their children to being children, a couple of martians kidnap santa to bring christmas to mars. Fights iwth robots, an asshole martian and an obnoxious sidekick named droppo, yes really, insue. IT’s just some fun cheese for the holiday and a staple of my holidays. 

9. The Three Wise Men (Letterkenny)  It’s no secret Letterkenny has quickly become one of my faviorite shows. After watching it last January, it’s become part of my being and one of my go too feel good shows, a funny as hell, uniquely weird slice of life show set in rural canada. While like it’s fellow recent legend of canadian television Schitt’s creek it’s first season CAN be a bit rough.. but it’s not as rough and getting through it is worht it as the show immiedatly picked up and became one of the funniest things to ever exist. It’s also uniquely tied to christmas as every year a season of the show has dropped on that day on it’s home streamer Crave TV in canada, and on boxing day here in the us. So it’s only fitting the show also has a REALLY great christmas special. 

It’s Christmas eve and our heroes the hicks, are having a christmas party. For the uniniated the hick’s aren’t really all that “hick” ish just hardworking farmers who still accept everybody and work damn hard. Leading man, terse talker and certified badass Wayne is suprisingly really into christmas, as he spent pretty much every holiday spouting out inacuracies about it but this day? He genuienly enjoys, even insiting on awful holiday drinks only and a midnight toast, the titular three wiseman (Canadian, irish and American Whiskeys, one shot of each). “It’s tradition”.  And thanks to tradition we get the main gag of the episode: most of the episode is wayne calling in various members of the town, most of whom he dosen’t like very much and some who deeply annoy him, to give them presents. And  while i’ve admitted to being a guy who dosen’t like a plot that basically repeats itslef.. it works here.. mostly because while the setup is the same, each member provides something new and hilarious: while it starts innocently enough with Bonnie Mcmurray, local fanservice, nice lady and fangirl of wayne, getting a camera and offering to be an elf, an offer wayne is forced to take up, it soon becomes a parade of weirdness and bullshit Wayne really dosen’t want to put up with and that really makes me laugh hard: Local loveable sex maniac and bar owner Gail goes on for a good minute about her sexual antics with Wayne’s beloved departed uncle eddie after Wayne gives him a picture of the guy, Glenn, another of wayn’es unwanted admirers and local pastor, obsesses over a christmas themed digeredoo, local druggies and emos the skids intitally refuse to open their gift out of prinicpal until wayne simply asks “What if theres drugs in it” (It’s insted vitamin d), the local hockey coach sings a hilarious and gloriously cringe song about having sex with his wife when they were alive and the hockey players make wayne uncomfortable both by crying a bit. Also tanis gets an apron. 

But even if the reactions horrify or piss off our hero into needing his elf’s help, the heart is in the fact that despite hating most of these people, he still got them a gift and one that’s hearfelt and well meaning. And naturally the sweetest is saved for his family of choice with the hicks: Squirrely Dan gets a pencil case for his oft talked about women’s studies class, Dary gets some clonge since he wears his barn clothes everywhere, and Katy gets an obscure korean christmas movie since her subplot that episode had been spent trying to get a christmas movie going, only for everyone to pick it apart: from the racisim of santa and co towards rudolph to pointing out how profoundly fucked up the premise of the santa claus is (including the fact various serial killers could’ve gotten the suit), which I agree with, it’s just a sweet gesture that shows how well he knows his friend. Overall it’s just a fun hangout of an episode that feels like a real christmas party and in these troubling times we could all use that. Now let’s all have a spit.

8. The Feast of Alvis (Sealab 2021) Another Christmas staple for me.. and a gloriously strange one at that. This time we’re checking under the sea with Sealab 2021, one of the earliest adult swim shows and the blueprint for the abriged series format, it took a dry hannah barbara show about an underwater research station and remixed it into the antics of a bunch of idiots and lunatatics throughuly unequipped for the task. Except Dr. Quinn, the only sane person aboard.. most of the time. It was comedy gold courtsey of Adam Reed, creator of the later Frisky Dingo, a throughly underated show, and Archer, which is like Frisky Dingo but refined into it’s truest and most sucessful form. It was magical and just talking about it makes me want to talk about it again at some point, probably in a best of list.  So naturally this madcap energy was perfect for the holidays. Originally the crew planned to use ACTUAL religions for this, but were forced by network to change it.. which ended up being one of those cases where the network ended up actually making the right call as the creators instead created thinly veiled substute for the various religions... and centered it around Alavanism, which is christianity.. but if christ was instead born in the us at some point, and instead of being a pacifist, was a drunken beligernt gun loving redneck who shot a guy in the face, has “vengance is mine” as one of his quotes (from said face shooting) and still had pomp and circumstance as part of his holiday.  Helping this though is our Alvian for the evening is Captain Murphy, the series best character and often the center of it’s best moments, played by the wonderful and sadly late Harry Goz, a half crazed half chidlish cloud cuckoolander who often comes off like a demanding child in an old man’s body. So naturally this holiday is for him and even more naturally he’s holding a massive alvis day cermeony that’s as batshit as he and his religion are in the main deck: he’s got buffalo, a buffet that’s deeply unsanitary, and a hallogen light mimickign the alvistide star that he wants to plop a baby under.  Naturally no one else is happy about this. Well Stormy, local hilarious dumbass, is as the only other alvian on board for this, and a general sucker for dumb shenanigans but he’s so plastared he’s even less coherent than usual and can mostly muster the desire to kick something’s ass or a weak “shut up” Most of all Quinn and his girlfriend debbie, who point out religious tolerance is a part of the sealab charter and that this kind of grotesuqe celebration really isn’t in season. I’ts also a nice dig at “War on Christmas Assholes”, long before that was as big a problem with Muprhy very much being the asshole and his cleebration rapidly crumbling. He also attempts to fire Sparks for being a wiccan stand in so yeah he deserves it. It’s all capped in Muprhy getting visted by a drunken halucination of his lord. All in all easily one of the best and most insane christmas specials ever put to film. If you have HBO Max watch it today or tommorow you will NOT regret it. 

7. Arnold’s Christmas (Hey Arnold)  A classic of my childhood, Hey Arnold is one of the best animated shows period. It’s something i’m not shy about saying, I bleivie I said it in my thanksgiving list and i’ll say it quite a bit. It’s not PERFECT, it has it’s flaws.. but it’s still damn good and the golden standard for slice of life shows. 

This episode naturally is one of it’s best and, while I didn’t catch as a kid the signifigance or what this was about, touches on of all things the vietnam war and the children who were helicoptered out. In a heart destroying story, Mr. Winn, one of Arnold’s boardinghousemates, reveals he has a daughter he has no idea where she is as to give her a better life, he made sure she got on one of those helicopters as an infant. While he was able to immigrate later, he never found her. Arnold being our own personal jesus, refuses to let this stand and goes out of his way to figure it out and goes on a quest that seemingly ends in failure. It falls on Helga to save the day as Helga actually gets what she wanted from her parents, a pair of nice boots, and gets the rare moment where they actually acknoledge her.. but loving arnold and seeing the noblility in his quest.. she gives it up. Just to make someone elses’ dream come true. He may never know who did it and tha’ts okay. An utterly heartwarming and heartbreaking episode. Nuff said. 

6. Santa Claus is Comin To Town  Speaking of classics this is how you do a santa origin story. Not the first or last i’d see, and we’ll get to one of those in a moment. While i’m not a huge fan of Rankin Bass’ other big hit with Rudolph, this one really hits the spot for me and is only this low because it’s pacing is really slow at points. Otherwise this special is near flawless, looks good and holds up today.  As I said this is a good Year One for santa establishing how he became immortal, how he met the elves, he was raised by them, how he started giving out toys, how he met mrs claus you know all the stuff you’d ask about.  To me what really sells it the best though is Mickey Rooney as Santa. While I had no idea who played him till literally writing this article in my mind his earnesness, kindness and genuine nature just.. fit the old elf to me even as a young man and everything from his humble beginings to his wanting to help children just out of kindness to his teaching an old man to dance to his romance just feels.. genuine and warm like christmas should. It just makes me feel good and like others on this list.. FEELS like christmas if that makes any sense. Not a lot else to say. Burger Meister Meisterburger isn’t the best vilian, but it was the early 70′s and we weren’t quite to diamond levels of complex interesting villians just yet so fair enough. Baiscally I don’t have a TON to say about this special in short, I may review it next year, we’ll see, but  it’s really good, really fun and sometimes simple just works I guess? Speaking of stop motion..

5. Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas (Community) I love a good sitcom. I haven’t shared that love enough on here, I should try and change that at some point, but I do, as a fourth of this list should make crystal clear. So while sadly some of my faviorites like Brooklyn Nine Nine, Parks and Rec and Roseanne didn’t make the cut, Community thankfully did. Community is a show that’s really damn good and had THREE awesome Christmas episodes. All three, all winners and all in contention for some time. Regional Holiday music just barely didn’t make the cut. But ultimately I went with the best of the best, the most creative, most character driven, and most intresting. And the one that in Community’s traditional style, decided to take a spin on an old genre.  In this case Abed, the study groups resident pop culture junkie, guy who thinks in tropes and future Huey Duck, is seeing everything in stop motion and may get thrown out of school as a result. With his friends deeply worried, they turn to Greendale’s local psychologist and british areshole Professor Duncan, played by my spirtual father John Oliver. ALL HAIL THIS MAN

Duncan takes the two into Abed’s fantasy and thus into a rankin bass special where Abed slowly weeds out his friends and tries to get rid of Duncan, whose naturally only intrested in proving a case. It’s a fun, chaotic ride including christmas pterodactyls, and the cast all in bizzare forms based on what Abed thinks of htem. it’s really damn creative and beauitfully animated at that.  Naturally like most of these what clinches it is the heart and soul. We find out towards the end WHy this happened: Abed’s mom is spending christmas with her new family instead of him and it’s broken him to not be able to watch specials like they do> Thus the group rally behind their friend, beat duncan in a wonderful christmas number and watch specials with their buddy, as the weird ass family some of whom have or will make out, they are. 

4. A Charlie Brown Christmas With my love of comic strips and sentiment, it should suprise absolutely no one this is on here. I love peanuts and have only grown to love it more over hte years for it’s mealancholy, finely constructed cast and weird bits people forget about like Snoopy’s disco phase, that really damn good arc where his house burned down, his brother stealing his fiance only to have her stolen from him, the fact Lucy threw Linus out once, that peppermint patty was once held back a grade and her snores took her place at her desk, the fact there was a character named 5, Charlie Brown and Linus’ friend roy who introduced peppermint patty to the cast, the fact a character named crybaby boobie exists, the fact there are specials devoted to a pastiche of call of the wild, a friend of linus’ getting cancer, and Flashbeagle. Just flashbeagle. 

It is glorious. And I really need to add that to my review queue.. maybe for late january. Seriously, tis glorious. And I OWN this one. So yeah. What were we talking about? Oh yes the special that made all the specials, especially flashbeagle, possible: A Charlie Brown Christmas This one has always been part of my life, but even beyond it’s signifigance to me, having grown up with it and grafted it to my soul, it’s just .. good. It has some good commentary on the consumrisim of the holiday with Charlie Brown rightly a bit upset about it and ending up roped into directing a christmas play. Great gags, and charlie brown trying to stick up for a scragly tree no one enlse likes insue. Oh and scripture as this is probably the only overtly religious special on the list. Not that ther’es anything wrong with not being religious and celebrating christmas: i’m not anymore but I still do and while I respect people who celebrate the holiday int he spirit of christ I have none for people who bash anyone who dosen’t just see it religiously and whose over zealous about it. Your just as bad as war on christmas people and you should feel bad.  But yeah overal it’s just an inconic special whose clunkyness in production and audio just adds some charm to it. It shows it’s age.. but only in the animation and production values, which is just.. charming. It’s message is timeless, it’s characterization is perfect as you’d expect from peanuts in it’s prime, and i’ts ending is truly heartmelting. If you’ve never seen this one.. just go do that. I can wait. 

3. How Santa Stole Christmas! (Ducktales)  I”ll be brief on this one as, since it only aired a few weeks ago, i’ve already done a full review on it. But I will justify why such a recent special is this high up: because it’s just that good. It may of JUST been aired, but it’s as good as anything else here and age dosen’t matter. Quality does. There will likely be future specials worth this list i’m sure but for this moment in time this one earns it. It has Santa perfectly charactrized and tells an utterly heartrending story of friendship that ends up ending simply because the two are moving in opposite directions and of Scrooge learning the meaning of christmas. Not thorugh the ghosts, they already brilliantly messed with that one. It’s just really fantastic, gets the christmas spriit perfectly and uses the characters just as flawlessly. I will defintely be watching this one every year. Just a warm, creative, funny as hell special. 

2. Comfort and Joy (Justice League) Speaking of reviews I held off reviews of my final two so I could save more thoughts here. I probably still will review them eventually, especially this one, I just felt i’d be repeating myself or have to be brief like the last one. But yeah this one slaps. The Justice League cartoon is easily one of the best superhero cartoons, if not superhero properties, period. Taking the base already built in from the previous three dcau cartoons, this one builds out the world and expands it , and introduced a young me to my lifelong loves of Martian Manhunter, The Flash and especailly the green lanterns with John Stewarts badass reciting of the oath easily etched in my brain. The only reason he isn’t my faviorite lantern is because mogo exists.. aka the lantern that is a living planet. 

You can see why. But yeah Jon stuck in my mind. So it’s probably no suprise that the christmas special heavily featuring all three. It’s Christmas Time and after the league stops it’s usual disaster, they head off for their usual holiday activities. Batman and Wonder Woman are missing, but it’s fine. While I love both, especailly DCAU Batman, the episode is probably better off not trying to shove them in there just for the sake of it. One of the show’s greatest strength’s was character ballance, not forcing EVERY member of the big 7 into every episode and just using whose needed and shuffling them in and out FAR BETTER than say, Ducktales. Point is this, much like being loved by anyone, was not unusual and it makes the episode tighter. Even more so since this is the ONLY half hour episode in the first two seasons, the rest are basically hour long episodes split into two parters, though still paced for being two episodes so it’s good.. and three movie length three parters for the premire, and the season finales. Fun Fact: As a kid I missed starcrossed and thus had to find out second hand, and barely at that, why hawkgirl was gone at the start of unlimited. I still have not seen it. I will correct this eventually. It was a diffrent time. 

So yeah this episode not only has a main character cast of 6, with 3 other major supporting characters, but is handily split into three amazing plot lines. The first has Green Lantern try to teach Hawkgirl how to have christmas fun by playing on a snowy world, while Hawkgirl takes him to a bar to show how she celebrates.. i.e. getting hammered and starting a fight. Nanananana, she’s gonna start a fight. It’s a fun really sweet segment, and some nice ship tease between the two.  The other two though are what make this special.. not that the first one is bad these two are just really inspiried for the characters involved: For the Flash, who in this series is both Wally and a bit of a smug quipster.. we see beneath the ego and flirting he’s really a sweet, caring guy and spends his christmas finding a toy for the orphans in this case a rapping duck. 

Not QUITE as embarassing btu close. He runs into the Ultra Humanite whose destroying the toys because he hates the comercialism and how it dumbs things down for the kids. Have I mentioned that I love the Ultra Humanite? Because I do.. the animated version. The comics version is REALLY fucking creepy but this version? He’s fucking great, an intellectual whose a formidable threat.. and honestly sympathetic. His motive here, while misguided, is well meaning and his price for selling out the injustice gang and going back to jail quitely? one of the best gags in human history. Getting PBS to say “This program was supported by viewers like you.. and the ultra humanite” He’s just awesome and i’ts a shame he never returned for unlimited. His comic version, while not BAD is just.. not NEARLY as intresting or deep and I wish the comics would have him take after this version.  And that depth shows as once he learns what was going on, he willingly helps flash and simply reprograms the duck to recite the nutcracker. It’s a really nice gesture, that flash returns by giving his foe a christmas tree. Really good stuff.  And I saved the best for last. Heading home for the holidays, Clark takes Jonn with him since otherwise he’d be stuck at the watchtower and batman was apparnetly “Begging” for duty. Granted one wonders what his surrogate dad and adopted sons think but odds are alfred would just drag them up there anyway no mater how much Dick protested. And of course Alfred has watchtower clearance, he’s alfred: he’s the only one besides Diana looking out for bruce.. and no I don’t buy the bullshit from the batman beyond comics that never happened. And Clark too, this is true... but it takes a village to get bruce to go the fuck to sleep and most of that villiage is alfred. And if your wondering “wait won’t he be in danger”... the only thing that can kill this man is apparently bane. He’s survivied earthquakes, poisonings, turning into a supervillian via radaition induced crazies, yes really, apparently dying leading to the supervillian thing, being stabbed, being shot at, having to help raise damien... my point is the guy’s been through a lot in comics, I doubt the dcau version is any less resilent and god damn I miss this old man. Salute alfred, salute.  Where was I oh yeah, Clark insists on taking John home. And it’s stuff like this why I freaking love superman. Many dismiss him as corny, unrelaistic or boring.. all untrue. Sure he’s a boyscout, but he’s meant ot resprsent the best in mankind, what we can truly be powers or no, what we can achieve and the kind of moral, kind person we can be. He’s an inspiration for us all. And this kind of act is what shows that: his response to one of his friends having nowhere to go on christmas and not having been around the holiday? Take him to his house to share in the warmth and love.  And Clark’s parents here show WHY he’s the hero he is and why I freaking love them in all flavors.. except Zack Snyder flavor and even then tha’ts only for Pa “Letting people die is the right thing to do now i’m going to throw myself into a tornado to prove that” kent. But it’s christmas so i’m not here to bitch about zack snyder and if you want that in full, you can pay for it.  My point is they show, as they should how he became the moral paragon he is: they meet a man from mars, who they’ve never met and their son just invited.. and welcmoe him without a thought. While this isnt’ their first alien obviously, and they say so, it’s still really sweet they just warmly welcome the man in and give him their surrogate daughter/their sons’ biological cousin’s room while sh’es away. Oh Kara’s away conveniently skiing with barbra. Also she lives with them in this continuity. Also maybe that’s where dick is. I dunno, but I hope so. Dickbabs for life.. depending on the continuity. I”m still dick and star for life in the titans cartoon.  Point is we get nice of sweet, and hilaroius, holiday stuff: Jonn is suprised to see this side of clark: while he’s always warm and inviting as Clark.. he can also be relaxed, enjoy the holiday and get real spirited. For one day he dosen’t have to be superman. He can just be clark. Evne superman can take a day off.. and he’s superman, he desrves one. Let Bruce and Diana take care of it after they finish marathon sex and Diana finshes with Cheetaah and Maxwell lord.  But yeah as I was saying hilarious as we find out clark used to peak and they had to, and still do, line it with lead foil to make sure he can’t peak, and Martha gives John a sweater, saying his company is all they need for a gift and when it’s a bit big he charmingly grows into it. Jonn also walks among the humans a bit and we get a great little bit of him sneaking down a chimney after hearing the thorughts of a girl whose worried santa isn’t real. It’s just all great stuff that cumilates in Jonn joyfully singing a song in his native tounge while stroking Kara’s cat Streaky.. who sadly does not have a cape or super powers in this universe. Yet. Just a really good superhero story, a damn fine christmas story and one of the best episodes of a stellar show that thankfully is still remembered in this new age of heroes. 

1. It’s Christmas You Dorks (Harvey Beaks) Yup not probably a lot of people’s first choice but fuck it. I’ve loved this one since i saw it a few years ago shorlty after the series ended, having grown far behind and caught up just as it was ending... and regretted it as Harvey Beaks is easily one of my faviorite shows from the wall to wall hit parade that was the 2010′s. It’s charming, hilaroius, heartfelt, and creative.. and really weird if not as weird as CH Greenblaht’s previous show chowder.. but still weird enough.Thankfully Big City Greens is carying the banner for this kind of show, as is Craig of the Creek, so the kind of gentle, slice of life stuff hasn’t gone away, but this show was still it’s own thing and i’m sad it’s gone.  But while it was here it was spectacular and this is one of the best of em if not the best. And naturally for a show like this it has a neat approach: The episode is dialouge free, only having some singing in the last act and that’s diagetic, the characters singing a christmas song. We’ll get to that. This isn’t the FIRST silent christmas special i’ve seen, Courage the Cowardly dog did it’s own take on the nutcracker, but it’s still the best. And given Courage the Cowardly Dog is one of my faviorite shows, that’s high praise. Each segment is charming, unique, and well done. 

As for what each are: The wraparound is a gorgeously animated bit of stop motion or something like it where the spirit of winter goes around and turns fall to winter or helps the kid with winter fun. It’s a bunch of really adorable stuff. The first proper one is the kids having a snowball fight when a bunch of asshole adults interupt, and hte kids end up getting even by hiding in some snowmen. Again just some really fun, really well done stuff.  But the first one that really makes it follows Technobear, local wannabe ladies man in training who has a crush on Harvey’s mom and fantasies about giving her some lovely read shoes and skating with her. His hopes are dashed when instead her daughter michelle, the horrifing baby child pictured above, takes them instead. But not only is it heartwarming to see the stone faced future rule of the world crack a smile, Techno instnatly realizes whats’ improtant and takes the bby ice skating.  The next segment is just some goofy googus with the squirrels, the local crooks who are also squirreels, but it’s still pretty good. We then get Jeremy trying to be santa which is both funny but genuinely heartwarming and finally the best bit as Dade, local killjoy, gets annoyed at everyone singing a popular new christmas song instead of the old standard he likes and being a dick about it before softening a bit when Harvey genuinely offers him camradere. It’s just.. good stuff that’s hard to put into words, and given putting it into words is my thing, it really speaks to just hwo good this special is. it just, makes me feel nice, and really gets the spirit of the holiday in all it’s forms. It’s gorgeously aniamted, well paced, and never stops being entertaining and that’s why it’s both my faviorite and why every year.. i’ll be coming back to little bark. And if nothing else.. it’ll keep this warm, great show alive in my heart.  So with that I end this list. If you didn’t like it tha’ts fine, this is my opinon. But I wanted to share my faviorites with you and hope you’ll check them out this or next chirstmas. Until we meet again... Merry Christmas to all,and to all a good night. 

[aion-rsa]

Josie and The Pussycats is the Spinoff Riverdale Deserves

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This RIVERDALE review contains spoilers.

Riverdale Season 5 Episode 15

“Our story is about three young women bursting with talent.”

When last we saw Josie McCoy (Ashleigh Murray), she was in New York City trying to make her dreams come true on the ill-fated (and gone-too-soon) Riverdale spin-off Katy Keene. Often when characters are spun-off and their subsequent shows fail, they vanish into the pop culture ether — The Ropers from Three’s Company being the textbook case of this phenomenon. But not so for Josie. This latest episode debuts a new iteration of the character, one who has achieved her dreams but still finds herself wanting more. It is a decidedly more mature take on the previously underwritten character, and one that allows Murray’s considerable acting and musical abilities to shine.

In short, it is the Josie that fans have always wanted to see.

But what good is the character without the backing of her Pussycats? Drummer Melody Valentine (Asha Bromfield) and multi-instrumentalist Valerie Brown (Hayley Law) have been estranged from Josie since she blew off the Pussycats for a solo career when they were in high school. Seven years later and the wounds are still raw, even though Melody has since become a renowned author with movie rights optioned by Tyler Perry, and Valerie is a talented artist and actress.

When Josie returns to Riverdale to take stock following the sudden death of her father, she finds herself coming to terms with her past. More than that though, she has found her voice in every sense of the word. She dismisses Mr. Lodge, the show’s big bad in a hilarious kiss off that sums up many viewers’ opinions on the often irksome character. Better still, the episode allows her to get meta to discuss how Riverdale often sidelined the Josie character in her previous iteration on the series. “I didn’t have much to say in old times,” she plaintively declares, commenting on the problem that Riverdale had with diversity in its early seasons. She then accurately dismisses Archie, Betty, Veronica and Jughead not as old friends but as acquaintances. It’s a bold and surprising scene that takes responsibility for past sins that the series committed, further illustrating that it is aware that it can do better and has been attempting to do so.

After a steamy reunion with old flame Sweet Pea (Jordan Connor), Josie begins the work of reaching out to Valerie and Melody. It is here that the episode goes from great to an all-timer. The chemistry that Murray, Bromfield and Law possess is lightning in a bottle. As old injustices are aired and attempts to repair wounded hearts and egos are undertaken, these actresses embody the old friends they portray fully. But this backdoor pilot, fortunately, has zero interest in having its women of color tear each other down. The characters candidly discuss their shared past, and begin to repair the rift that will — if The Pussycats goes to series ��� lead them to becoming the global superstars they are destined to be.

Josie, Melody and Valerie are icons. They know it, and the world will soon follow.

Inspired by her renewed friendship with her once and future bandmates, Josie decides to do a concert with the Pussycats that will raise money to help reincorporate the town of Riverdale. It is a performance that highlights each of the women’s musical strengths, even if Josie does steal the spotlight for an emotional rendition of Nina Simone’s “Stars.” Despite being cut short when Toni goes into labor, the concert is enough of a success for The Pussycats to agree to go on the road together — playing in towns where Josie’s late father wanted his ashes scattered. The women consider themselves to be equals now, thus the “Josie and” is jettisoned from the band name. This still being Riverdale, a friend of Josie’s dad appears moments before she leaves town to tell her that her father may have been murdered in New Orleans, and that voodoo might be involved.

With this incredible/ridiculous plot development thrown at us, the full image of what The Pussycats will be as a series comes into view: A mixture of Fame and 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo that celebrates these characters and their comic/cartoon legacy in an unexpected way. (As an Archie comics historian even I was taken off guard by the last-minute introduction of the potential show’s mystery angle, and my mind reels at the possibilities).

Hopefully sooner rather than later a series order for The Pussycats will be announced. There is so much potential here to tell exciting, fun, music-packed stories featuring strong women of color that it feels like a surefire hit. “The Return of the Pussycats” is not only the best episode of Riverdale this season, but a perfect pilot episode. There desperately needs to be lots more long tails and ears for hats in our future, for these are the Pussycats we’ve been waiting for.

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Riverdale Rundown

While nothing has been officially announced as of yet, it feels ridiculous for The CW to not do a full series of The Pussycats, yes? This logo appearing at the end of the episode instead of the usual Riverdale bumper bodes well for things to come. Fingers crossed…

My guess is that this episode didn’t have Alexandra and Josie cross paths due to their Katy Keene past, which had the characters begin as enemies who were slowly forming a friendship before that series was cancelled. By not having them interact, the writers didn’t have to figure out where their relationship currently is — making this a narrative thread that The Pussycats could potentially pull on down the line.

The character of Alan M. briefly appears as Melody’s love interest, which indeed he is in the comics and fondly remembered 2001 movie.

Speaking of the Josie and the Pussycats movie, that film’s ever-growing cult continues to delight me. Thanks to multiverses, there’s no reason why that version of these characters and the ones of The Pussycats can’t co-exist in the same pop culture landscape.

Let’s give a special shoutout to Robin Givens, who not only reprises her role as Sierra McCoy here but also did a terrific job directing this installment.

Melody narrates this episode a la Jughead, except that her writing is bright and full of hope, a sharp and intentional contrast to her brooding counterpoint.

If you didn’t cheer when Josie and the Pussycats took the stage to their cartoon theme song, you are dead inside.

“Entertainment Tomorrow” enters the Riverdale fake product lexicon in this episode (which also includes the returning chestnut “Vanity Flair”).

Toni gives birth to a boy, Anthony.

Expect to see more about the franchising of Pop’s in upcoming restaurants, and Tabitha’s speech about the importance of the Chok’lit Shoppe being a black-owned restaurant in a time when Riverdale had no other such establishments was one of the most powerful scenes this series has ever done.

It’s worth noting that a franchise for real-life Archie restaurants did exist in the early 1970s. However the idea never really took off, and pictures of the three diners that were opened have never surfaced online.

What the hell was up with the Old Navy product placement in this episode, which felt like it was ripped from the Josie and the Pussycats movie, minus the irony.

Kevin’s dancing during the Little Shop of Horrors musical number was, unsurprisingly, everything.

Melody’s book being named Summer Storm is a sly reference to actress Asha Bromfield having a newly released novel called Hurricane Summer that was released in May.

Josie uses the alias Ms. Newmar to check into hotels. Julie Newmar famously portrayed Catwoman on the Batman TV series, which not only plays into Josie’s feline motif, but also is yet another of the show’s near-constant DC Comics references of late.

Mr. Lodge being called a “little bitch” was so unbelievably pleasing to watch. Josie is just SO OVER Riverdale’s bullshit.

In a nice character moment, Cheryl immediately leaps into action to help deliver ex-lover Toni’s baby.

Dr. Curdle Jr. being a Josie and the Pussycats superfan is comedic brilliance (as is the fact that nobody trusts him enough to have him anywhere near Toni’s delivery.

The post Josie and The Pussycats is the Spinoff Riverdale Deserves appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3BQYwym

[theroyalmile]

No Returns, No Exchanges

Disclaimer: I have debated for quite a while whether or not I should post this blog.  Social media is such a curated space for joy and happiness, it can feel oppressive at times.  There is so much life-changing positivity, from engagements to new jobs; and don’t get me wrong, that happiness is great to see.  But on the other hand, all of that positivity makes me feel like sharing any kind of negative information is attention-seeking and an immense overshare.  So let’s ask ourselves why I feel that way.  Why is happiness celebrated while the sad, sometimes harsh realities of life are thought to be oversharing?  More specifically, why do we feel like life-changing news can only be shared when it doesn’t make other people uncomfortable?  Our expressions of pain should not be regulated by the comfort levels of the people who surround us.  There comes a time when not sharing something begins to feel like hiding something, and hiding something turns to shame.  That is a feeling that I refuse to welcome into my life right now.  So here we go. 

It has been a while since I posted anything… a really long while.  It has been rare, these past few years, that I have even felt I had anything much to say let alone write anything, mostly because my life has been fairly normal, fairly unextraordinary, and I am rather blessed to be saying that during such a difficult time for so many. The few moments where I have felt like I had something to say have been fleeting, and after a good 2am word vomit on paper, I have filed these musings under “not to be seen by the light of day” which is probably for the best.

 Sometimes in the past I would find myself wishing I had something interesting going on in my life, something worthy of commentary… I don’t know, I was thinking like a cool hobby, an interesting skill, a kick-ass career, or a run in with Tom Hardy like I’d always dreamed of… something.  

 Well, to whoever is in charge, this is not what I meant, and I would like to request a refund. 

 Because as its final parting kick in the ass 2020 decided to gift me with breast cancer.  This isn’t a bad punch line, it’s just the truth.Let me give you a second to process that one.  I certainly needed a few.

 The thing is, a little itty bitty 3-centimeter tumor- that’s not something I can give back, as much as I might want to.  It’s not a too-large sweater you can return with a gift receipt, and it’s not a bad haircut you can complain about and get your money back (though it certainly will include one in a week or so!)

 A lot of you already know this story and frankly it’s not one I can tell with much finesse or humor, so I will keep it brief.  It was a dark and stormy 6pm when I found a lump in my breast in the shower back in November.  My initial thought was “you’re a crazy lady and a hypochondriac, let’s give it a few weeks since this is probably nothing.”   A few weeks, when my imaginary lump seemed to not actually be imaginary, I figured okay, it’s time to see my doctor, it’s probably nothing but we need to make sure.  I was in fact so unconcerned about it that I didn’t even see my regular doctor. I figured I just needed a medical professional to feel me up and let me know what to do next.  I didn’t even bother mentioning it to my parents. (For context of my laissez-faire, when I was 14 I found a lump in my breast that turned out, after little fanfare, to be a cyst which was unceremoniously drained on a cold metal table by a male doctor in a somewhat traumatizing but ultimately benign event.  That’s a longer story for later). 

 Cue a physical exam, confirming I was not crazy and there was a lump, but it was probably nothing; an utltrasound, confirming the lump was a shape that they did not like, but it was probably nothing; and an ultrasound guided biopsy, in which the probably nothing was sampled.  The week between Christmas and New Year’s was spent impatiently waiting for the news, increasingly feeling that my probably nothing was maybe, actually something.

 On December 28 around lunch time I received a phone call in the middle of the work day from the radiologist, who while very nice, was someone I had only met once while she shot a needle in and out of my boob.  She asked me how I was doing and then told me my test results were in.  “I’m sorry to say it’s not good news,” she said.

 And believe it or fucking not my immediate thought was “It’s not good news… it’s great news!” My brain supplied this as if on autopilot like some kind of 90s game show host, knowing fully well that I would not be so lucky because we are not living in a Brooklyn 99 episode.  It’s weird where your brain goes under duress.

 It was one of the most uncomfortable phone calls I have ever had, wherein I found myself trying to reassure a complete stranger that I was okay and I’m pretty sure I even said, “it is what it is.”  I was told a breast surgeon and oncologist from my provider network would be in contact and the call ended. Ultimately, I was diagnosed with Stage 1B Triple Negative Invasive Ductal and Lobular Carcinoma.  No returns, no exchanges.

 I am two months into my diagnosis, and 1/8 of my way through chemotherapy, the first part of a three series treatment (to be followed by surgery and then likely radiation.)  This Friday, after my second chemotherapy treatment, I will begin to lose my hair.  Anyone who knows me at all knows that the hair loss will be a pill likely far harder for me to swallow than the chemo itself.  And while the look may have worked for Demi Moore in GI Jane, I do not have her bone structure, nor her body.  I anticipate I will look more like the yellow peanut M&M, which while obviously the best M&M of the bunch, I think we can all agree is not a cute look for me.

 I do not say this to be melodramatic, I just say this because I am cynical and pragmatic by nature: I am not particularly surprised that I have cancer.  And this is for several reasons, some of which probably deserve a longer blog later.  To put it simply, I have been surrounded by cancer, both by choice and by cruel fate and happenstance, my entire life. 

 Cruel Fate and Happenstance: Having several relatives who have gone through cancer, and a mother with a BRCA 1 genetic mutation (which I had a 50% chance of inheriting, and in fact did) I always figured it would eventually happen to me.  The odds this condition dealt me? “About 13% of women in the general population will develop breast cancer sometime during their lives. By contrast, 55%–72% of women who inherit a harmful BRCA1 variant… will develop breast cancer by 70–80 years of age.”  That 55-72% is the kind of percentage you want winning the lottery, but the lottery this most certainly is not, and that much I understood. So, I always figured something like this would probably happen.  Did I think I would be 28? No. But I figure that just makes me an overachiever. 

 Choice: I volunteered at a cancer support non-profit from the time I was 12 to the time I was 22, and I wrote my college senior thesis in anthropology on women with ovarian cancer, the cancer that killed my aunt Lizzy when I was 4 years old.  I have likely read more books on cancer than your average newly diagnosed person, which I find to be both a blessing and a curse.  On one hand, I know some of what’s coming.  On the other hand, I know some of what’s coming.  Of course I don’t think any of these things gave me cancer but you might say I have been training for this my whole life.  I think this joke is far funnier than pretty much everyone I say it to except my immediate family, because the Tenney/Koss folk are very big on gallows humor, in which case this is hilarious.  Comedy is our family coping mechanism, and I am guilty of occasionally forgetting not everyone is wired like that.   

 So where are we right now? Taking it day by day.  Do I frequently find myself wallowing in self-pity these days? Sure.  But all the same I feel truly lucky.  This is a feeling I am trying to hold on to, because I think the other options might be truly unbearable.  Why? Well, I found this tumor.  I’m 28-years-old, which means I am hardly old enough for a regular mammogram and MRI.  My last yearly physical was a TeleHealth appointment (hence no actual physical) and I will be honest, I never made a habit of regularly checking myself like I should have.  But this tumor just presented itself casually during a shower.  Breast cancer, when caught early, is highly treatable and curable, and I am fairly confident, knock on wood, that is where this particular nightmare is headed.  The fact that it was caught early: pure luck. 

Another reason I feel lucky is for the most part, I feel like I actually have the stability to handle the oncoming struggle.  I have a large and wonderful support system, an incredible and supportive partner, a savings account with actual savings in it, and a job where I am cared about as a human.  If this had happened to me three years ago, almost none of these things would be true.  There will never be a good time to have cancer, but some times are apparently better than others.  Of course, the ongoing pandemic means I can’t have people go with me to chemo, or my wig fitting, or my surgery consultations, and alone a lot of this seems much more daunting and difficult than it might otherwise have been, but I am trying to make a habit of counting my blessings, and despite this terrible thing I’ve been given, my blessings are many.

 There isn’t a “right way” to have cancer, but I think there might be a “right way” for me.  I am a private person and I find sharing some of these details difficult and more than a little uncomfortable, but I am also intimately familiar with the healing nature of writing and comedy, so I am going to give it a shot.  

 And now that I think of it… the peanut M&M is going to make a really great Halloween costume. 

[jacksgreysays]

Determined Clairvoyant, Misguided Knight brainstorm, (2020-05-29)

A/N: So I had a weird sleepless brainstorming/outlining binge last night, passed out and woke up to this chunk of nonsense...

I’ve been reading a lot of DCMK (Detective Conan and Magic Kaito) fic but also I am always a little bit thinking of DoS so my brain went:

Hey, Shisui and Shikako have very similar personalities to Kaito and Shinichi...

But Shisui is the detective and Shikako the thief.

And on the one hand, I was considering just translating it into the in Friendship Is A (Mutual) Con 'verse, such that Shisui is Interpol/FBI and ends up helping the crew because what they do is morally right even if it's not legal...

But it just wouldn’t be the same!

Also, for those who don’t know anything about DCMK, I’m not really using the Detective Conan premise (in which a famous teenage detective gets shrunken into a 6 year old and has to keep his identity secret while finding/dismantling the criminal organization that did this to him. In their defense(?) they were trying to kill him but used an “experimental poison.” They’re not going out of their way to randomly turn teenagers into kids... although there is another teenager that got turned into a kid by that same poison) 

But it is interconnected to the Magic Kaito ‘verse (in which a teenager discovers that his dad didn’t die in an accident but was murdered by a mysterious criminal organization (possibly the same one as in Detective Conan? we’re not sure) because he used to be Phantom Thief KID who was searching for a magical jewel called Pandora that supposedly grants immortality because said mysterious criminal organization wants it for nefarious means. Also the teen and his dad are stage magicians and make their heists very flashy and fun)

Anyway, personality wise I was really feeling the Shikako = paranoid/logical Shinichi vs Shisui = flamboyant genius Kaito contrasting with their arguable respective roles as Shikako = chaotic neutral regular rule breaker and Shisui = lawful good believer of systems if not authority.

I was considering whether or not I wanted to transplant the characters into the DCMK setting, but seeing how that’s just (arguably) modern day Japan I was a little... the adapting would be more work than its worth when really all I wanted was thief!Shikako and detective!Shisui and I also, as previously mentioned, didn’t want to just insert Shisui into the Fia(M)C ‘verse.

So then I remembered this ficlet in which Danzo successfully became Hokage but a mysterious figure (ie Shikako) is working against him and I was like. Okay, but reluctant detective!Shisui having to try to capture insurrectionist thief!Shikako is hilarious. And I know Shisui isn’t actually KMP in canon, but Danzo is Hokage which means the situation is bleak and I kinda explain everything below anyway, so...

Enjoy?

~

shisui is one of the oldest uchiha in the village because everyone older than him was executed by danzo for their (supposed?) attempted coup

doesn't particularly want to be a detective, but he's the only one left

sharp-eyed shisui? it is both mocking his singular eye but also he does end up being pretty good at investigation

Itachi is clan head and also one of danzo’s busiest anbu (because danzo is creepy and weird) and he’s being run so ragged that shisui stepped up to do it since he vaguely remembers the KMP’s protocols and also, with one eye short, his combat effectiveness isn’t as reliable

He hates not being able to be back up for itachi, but until he figures out the depth perception thing, he’d be a liability

Itachi is the only one with both eyes (again, because danzo is creepy and weird)

every time one of his younger cousins activate their sharingan, they are forced to undergo surgery because danzo harvests one eye from each of them

sasuke is the next upcoming kid

hikaku/sai was the most recent

Shikako is working reverse chronologically to restore eyeballs because they’re not exactly labeled but she knows the newest eye goes to the most recent activator.

This is how she gets hikaku/sai’s immediate loyalty (he has both eyes, but still hides one under his eyepatch/headband because if you can’t passive aggressively use danzo’s tricks against him then what’s the point? )

((also, it’s a real good dramatic reveal of how shikako gets shisui to trust her because he’s like “you’re stealing my family’s eyeballs and turning my little cousin into your spy” and then hikaku/sai just flips up his eyepatch and blinks both eyes at shisui and he just. “well, that was literally the only argument i had”))

Oh, the age of graduation is lower in canon because danzo doesn’t believe in coddling kids and also “back in my day” nonsense, so sasuke is maybe around 8?

kakashi is, like, a weird sticking point. he's the only non-danzo adult that has a sharingan and, hey, he's also only got just the one, but shisui also remembers the elders being a little weird about him so :shrugs:

I should figure out what to do with him, tbh

i mean, i know Shikako helps Naruto escape/evade ANBU capture because Danzo was going to turn him into a “proper jinchuuriki weapon” so maybe she throws him at Kakashi and is like “BABY SITTING DUTY FOR YOU, SAD STRING BEAN”

and there’s also Tenzo/Yamato to consider here

at first the thefts are random but escalating: old mission reports, the sandaime's novelty(?) crystal ball, the hokage's hat, the sword of the thunder god, etc, etc

then it becomes directed: sharingan eyes

Shadow Thief Shikako is here to make things real difficult for danzo

while shisui is trying really hard not to get smitten (even though she’s stealing his family’s eyeballs! but he guesses better than in danzo’s possession? he’s very conflicted emotionally and very stressed and also a teenager), shikako is recruiting allies for her coup

She needs to make a deal with the devil… Kabuto? For the medical expertise in how to re-implant all the sharingan she’s stealing?

He does spy on behalf of who he thinks is the strongest, and shikako is v strong by this point

Although, the whole concept of “you were the first person i ever wanted to murder” “you flatter me” is kind of funny

What is going on with orochimaru in this timeline?

For that matter, what’s going on with the other sannin?

hyuuga have weird feelings about the whole one eye stolen thing, branch family in particular because on the one hand: DOJUTSU/BLOODLINE THEFT is literally their big nono. But they do like being the strongest clan in the village now.

Is neji’s dad still alive? When did danzo become hokage? Is it before or after Hinata’s near kidnapping?

Ibiki, anko, aoba -- gotta figure out what’s going on there

Does aoba not have the crow summons since shisui is still alive?

Is aoba a surprise half uchiha?

Unsure how bleak i want things to be for the Nara clan. They definitely don’t like things, but i’m not sure if they’re also largely killed off, just shikaku, or just yoshino…… unless Shikamaru has been taken as Danzo’s apprentice/ROOT?

Something also has to have happened to the akimichi and yamanaka tho, in order to justify/reflect it

Team 10 is essentially being held hostage. Shikako has to “steal” them from Danzo in order to get the ANY clans’ cooperation

they’re allowed to visit their family once a week in order to get clan training, but it’s on different days from each other so the other two are still within ROOT’s grasp and the one who is visiting their family knows not to step out of line

Shikamaru has been trying really hard to help him and his teammates escape, but he’s only eight years old. I’m but a boy. I’m just a boy

There is a war.

I’ve decided this.

It’s the only way to make sense of why danzo is still in charge without him having killed a ludicrous number of people (more than he’s already killed, that is)

There is a war and that’s where the majority of the loudest dissenters are sent (inuzuka, aburame, gai, etc) and because they are always out on the front lines they don’t know how bad it actually is at home

Mist rebellion peeps?

Zabuza and Haku are still alive at this time, i guess

Terumi Mei--is there even a mist rebellion at this time or are they too busy with the war, too?

… Gelel/Sand?

look, magical gems are the crux of Magic Kaito and I know I’ve replaced them with Sharingan eyes, but still. If there’s a magical gem I feel like I’m obligated to at least mention it

also, Shinichi in Detective Conan ends up with, like, the most ludicrous allies over the course of the series. He is a--as far as anyone else knows--a 6 year old Japanese boy with connections to the American FBI. That’s nuts! So Shikako having allies with Mist or Sand isn’t too far outside feasibility in comparison

~

A/N: So... in theory I would like to come back to this and actually write it--because as far as sleepless brainstorming sessions go, this one is fairly coherent--but just in case I don’t, I figure people would enjoy this mess of an outline anyway. And it’s nice to have notes for later.

Title is, unsurprisingly, my attempt to make the letters DCMK apply to Shikako and Shisui. On the one hand, I know the quote is “and angry Aburame, a focused Inuzuka, and a motivated Nara” but I kiiiinda misremembered wrong and thought it was “determined,” fell in love with Shisui as the “misguided knight” and then only after went back to check and realized that it should’ve been “motivated”

Ah well

[oryoyoshizawa]

Yoshizawa Ryo x Hirose Suzu Cross Talk - Seventeen 2020.04

First encounter

S: Our first encounter was on SEVENTEEN fashion show, right?

Y: Yes, I appeared as a model, it has been five or six years ago.

S: Instead of “Encounter”, "Noticed" would be the right word.

Y: We didn't appear together during the show and I didn’t talk with anyone in the fashion show either (lol)

S: I was thinking to myself "He's so handsome!" and then I also told this to my manager.

Y: Thank you. (lol) As for my first impression towards Suzu, I thought she might be an energetic girl. However, after working together, she changed my impression, she can talk to anyone calmly.

 Unexpected part

S: Sometimes he shows the "Ojisan" (old uncle) side.

Y: Ohh haha, yes that's right.

S: This makes an interesting contrast with his handsome image. As he stood up he would make sound like "Yoshiyo", and when he ran for a bit, he was already complaining about muscle pain. Behaviours like these show the old uncle side of him, which is not a bad thing, he's trustable. (lol)

Y: Good that I’m an old uncle. (lol) What surprises me is... Suzu chan's communication skills! To be honest, she doesn't look like she's good in communicating. (lol)

S: Yes. (lol)

Y: The more I learn about her, the better it is than I thought. As I've mentioned just now, she manages it well with different age groups of people. I think that's incredible.

S: Your communication skill is also incredible! Rather than saying he’s hard to communicate with, it’s more like the deep talk atmosphere that he creates, that’s my first impression I had when I first met him. But in fact, he isn’t like this, the conversation develops naturally as we talk more. This is unexpectedly very “human-like”.

Y: I am human! (lol)

S: Because you're too pretty, hence giving the cool image.

Similarities

S: I’m inexpressive according to him but I guess this is what we have in common.

Y: Possible. We both have the calm mind towards anything.

S: After filming for Natsuzora, we went to karaoke together with the cast members, we sat there quietly although we were excited and hyped about it (lol)

Y: I miss it. (lol)

Spring fashion

S: Now that I have piercings, I would love to have big earrings. After Natsuzora’s wrap up, I immediately went for ear piercings, as a treat to myself.

Y: Sounds good.

S: Playing around with big earrings and high neck knit, they shape the face

Y: Did you do the piercings by yourself?

S: I planned to do that, but I didn't gain manager's trust, so I got it done at the hospital.

Y: For me, I did ear piercings by myself, using a pushpin.

S: Omg! When?

Y: During middle school, I did three.

S: That's painful.

Y: That's really painful, there's pus coming out, it's better not to do it yourself.

S: Yes. By the way, what is your spring fashion?

Y: It's complicated, about fashion.

S: Maybe some colours with spring vibes.

Y: What's spring vibes?

S: Something like pastel?

Y: That's nice, let's make it that way.

S: Really? How would you wear it, as top or bottom?

Y: What do you think?

S: Top!

Y: Ok, let's go with that! (lol)

School friends

S: Back in middle school, one of my friends has two gorgeous twin elder sisters, we would think that being able to see them is a lucky sign, as if they are a walking power spot.

Y: Did you guys have a conversation at all?

S: I did have a chance to approach them when I was a model for SEVENTEEN, but in the end, I didn’t have the guts to talk them. (lol)

Y: I'm still in contact with this close friend, we had a conflict when we first met. He has always been a very robust guy, now he's in a bodybuilding competition.

S: That’s cool. Have you been on good terms with him until now?

Y: During primary school ceremony, I bumped into him who's already very fit and he said “Ouch! Watch out Gorilla!” and I replied him with “You are the Gorilla!” (lol)

 Recent happy moments

S: There's two weeks of break, I rested well.

Y: That's good, what have you done?

S: I really did nothing (lol) Wake up and had nothing to do so I slept again... made it through for the rest of the time in a happy mood.

Y: I laugh the most when I watch comedy shows, something like M-1 Guranburi, I like the jokes they made. Last year's winner - Milkboy is also excellent.

 About "Ichido Shinde Mita"

Y: Mr Tsutsumi plays as Kei who takes a drug that causes him death for only 2 days, but something goes wrong... It's this kind of noisy comedy movie. This is Suzu chan’s first time taking on a challenge to be in a comedy movie.

S: Yes, you and Tsutsumi san too. After seeing other’s acting in the movie, I tried hard not to act like an amateur.

Y: She plays as Nanase, a daughter who hates her dad, Kei, the emotional Suzu can be seen in a few scenes. It feels good to watch her having a breakthrough in her acting! I hope to see Suzu in comedy movie again

S: Haha. I'm happy to hear that. If I must use one phrase to sum up your comedic performance, it would be "That's only he can do it!" Your character is so called a "Ghost” employee (someone with no presence) - the simple-minded Matsuoka. The funniest scene is where Matsuoka got drunk, the break out is absolutely unbelievable and interesting~!

Y: Despite the fact that this movie is an exciting one, it’s relatively quiet while shooting. We did a test, remember?

S: That was a question I asked Lily san when we co-starred before. “Please list out 3 qualities of your ideal partner. What if there are 2 people meeting all qualities appear at the same time? Which one will you look out for?” something like that.

Y: The last one is actually the most important.

S: And your answer was?

Y: Face (lol) And what about yours?

S: …Capability!

Y: Capability is important. By the way, there is one thing I’m really concerned…Remember the scene where Matsuoka wipes the cream off Nanase’s face?

S: That’s when we share the same cake in Xmas.

Y: Yes, although my character is supposed to be plain, I play it cool in that scene

S: Ahaha! That’s a nice one.

Y: Shoujo manga vibes. The shooting started at 3am…

S: Oh yes!

Y: Before wiping the cream off, I was told to take off my shoes and socks which I had been wearing them for the whole day. I was worried that Suzu would notice the smelly socks and shoes.

S: That’s ok. (lol) I wasn’t thinking about that at all, not knowing this until you tell me now.

Y: I’m relieved. (lol)

S: This scene is both hilarious and heart-throbbing…

Y: Everyone has different views.

S: I really want to visit the cinema to find out how people react to this.

 A message to Seventeen fans

Y: Many ikemens appear in this movie. Yet this time I turn my handsomeness off, or rather, I destroyed it. There’re lots of people making appearances in the movie, don’t miss out, it’s really fun

S: Yes please watch it. This is a must! Understand?

[ahtohallan-calling]

chapter 11 of don’t read the last page is here!

[kristanna / m / multichap / modern au with actress!anna and vetstudent!kristoff]

“What would I do without you, Kris?”

“Have to pay for a professional driver, I guess.”

“Way to ruin the sweet moment,” she’d murmured, but by the way she had nestled closer to his chest, he’d known he hadn’t really.

chapter 11: transitions

Some people, he presumed, would find it sexy, all the sneaking around and clandestine meet-ups and whispered phone calls. It was all very exciting in a way, standing around in parking lots and waiting for an SUV with newly-tinted windows to roll up and collect him, but he was already missing the ease of just running down to meet her in the parking lot and sweeping her up into an embrace before she’d had a chance to say hello.

There were no parking lot kisses for them anymore, especially not at his apartment complex, not after last weekend’s news article announcing newcomer Anna Arendelle had been cast in the title role of the live-action remake of Anastasia, alongside-- what was that guy’s name? Henry, or Hank or something; no, it sounded vaguely European...well, whatever it was, in Kristoff’s opinion, he wore far too much hair gel. And he was apparently very famous, and it was a huge deal for the movie and Anna’s career that they were playing opposite each other, and that meant the paparazzi were going overboard trying to get photos of her. As if it hadn’t already been bad enough that she was the biggest breakout star of the year, according to all the clickbait websites; the whole world loved Anna Arendelle now, was going absolutely crazy over her and her “down-to-earth presence” and “hilarious Twitter feed” and “all those gorgeous freckles” that were apparently starting a new skincare craze.

Perhaps the only person more exhausted by it all than him was Anna herself. “It’s not that I’m, like, ungrateful,” she had explained to him one night last week after an interview as they had huddled in the backseat of her car, parked behind a KFC that was undergoing renovations while they waited to make sure the coast was clear before driving to her apartment. “I mean, the fans are great, and I’m glad I like, make them happy and stuff. But Jesus, I just want to be just me again for a little while. I can’t even walk around in your fucking t-shirts anymore without people speculating which thrift shop I got them from and tweeting me a million times about it.”

She had been in the middle of changing into one of those t-shirts as she spoke, and it was jarring, almost, to see the contrast between the faded cotton and the thick layer of makeup she was still wearing. It looked beautiful under the stage lights, but now up close it just felt like one more barrier keeping him from her.

And then she had seen the sadness in his eyes and clambered into his lap and thrown her arms around him, and it was like nothing had changed at all. “Well, I love you,” he had reassured her with a kiss on her forehead. “Just-you you, and famous actress you, and Twitter you, and any other kind of you there is.”

She’d pressed a kiss to the underside of his jaw. “What would I do without you, Kris?”

“Have to pay for a professional driver, I guess.”

“Way to ruin the sweet moment,” she’d murmured, but by the way she had nestled closer to his chest, he’d known he hadn’t really.

But now she was knee-deep in rehearsals and costume fittings, and he was gearing up for the end of his final semester before clinicals and still working at least three days a week, and since she refused to spend the night at his place for fear someone would find him and stalk him, he hadn’t seen her since that single hour they’d spent together in the car nearly a week ago. 

The first night after everything had blown up, when she’d been planning on staying the night and instead had called him in tears, she had apologized over and over. “I had no idea it would be like this, Kris, I know I promised to come but I just keep running into people everywhere who recognize me now, and I can’t do that to you, I just can’t--”

He’d let her go on for a while, knowing she needed to get it out of her system, but when she’d finally paused to draw in a ragged breath, he had said as calmly as possible, “Anna. I don’t love you any less because of this. We’re in this together, okay?”

“Okay, okay, I’m just really s--”

“Don’t, baby, please, okay? Do you need me to come pick you up?”

“No, I-- I know you have class in the morning, just-- will you stay on the phone with me? God, I just-- I just really, really was looking forward to spending the night with you.”

He had been, too. And he was again now; tomorrow was Thanksgiving, and he’d had the week off from classes, but she had been so overwhelmed with rehearsals and fittings and endless interviews for the past month that even if she hadn’t been dodging paparazzi, there would have hardly been any time to see each other. But they were going to spend the next three days at his parents’ house, three whole days where only his younger siblings’ giggles would keep him from holding her. 

“And Saturday and Sunday,” Anna had said over the phone when he told her his parents had invited her to come along. “Elsa and Honey are going to the mountains for the weekend, so we’ll have my whole apartment to ourselves and no weird ‘my older sister is in the next room’ vibes. If you want to come over, I mean.”

Of course he did, and he had told her in no uncertain terms exactly what he would spend the weekend doing, until he could practically hear her blushing as she said, “Jesus, Kristoff, give me one good reason not to come pick you up so we can hole up in a hotel for the next twenty-four hours straight.”

At the time, he’d had a reason, but a week later he was wondering what the hell it had been. He shoved his hands in his pockets, trying to think of roasted turkeys and watching football with his dad instead of Anna’s hands running all over him and her lips against his skin and her hair spilling out over his pillow-- and then he sighted her car finally pulling up to pick him up from the deserted parking lot behind the biology lab on the far end of his campus, and he could think about her all he wanted because finally she was here.

Apparently even the time it would take for him to walk over to the car from where he’d been standing under an awning was too long; the moment the lights switched off, Anna jumped out and ran over to him, her arms already extended. She jumped into his arms with the same desperation she had had when he had dropped her off at the airport all those months ago, tangling her fingers in his hair and kissing him like it had been six years and not six days.

“I missed you,” she managed to say between kisses. “Fuck, longest week of my life, Kris.”

He pulled back enough to get a good luck at her, worry pooling in his chest when he saw the dark circles under her eyes. “Well, we’ve got five days together now, yeah? You’ll have to tell me all about it.”

She leaned her forehead against his, drawing a deep breath as their eyes met. “We gotta find something better than just sneaking around and seeing each other for an hour every couple days.”

“I know,” he said softly. “I’ve kind of gotten used to having you around.”

“Gee, thanks,” she teased, kissing the bridge of his nose.

He wanted to keep holding her like this, wanted to pull her in for another kiss and feel her sigh against him and whisper that he loved her until he went hoarse. Instead he set her down and affectionately nudged his elbow against her arm. “You know what I mean. I keep rolling over in the night and reaching for you or like, expecting to come home and find you fighting with Sven about Call of Duty.”

Anna laughed as they walked towards her car hand-in-hand. “That started out really romantic and then just reminded me that I really owe him an ass-kicking. I-- wait, actually…”

He paused by the back of the car, raising an eyebrow. Anna blushed as she met his gaze. “Um. Can you drive?” she asked hesitantly. “Um. Don’t laugh, but, like...fuck. Okay. This is dumb--”

“Anna. Just say it.”

“I just...miss how like, how when you drive you put your hand on my knee because like. I don’t know.”

He went without further comment to the other side of the car, a smile playing at the corner of his lips as he moved the seat back. When there was finally enough room for his legs, he climbed in; Anna was setting something wrapped in foil in her lap, smoothing down the edges where she’d just taken a quick peek at it.

“What’s that?” Kristoff asked as he turned the keys.

“I, um. I made a pie. From scratch, seriously, Elsa nearly killed me when she saw all the flour on the counter, but I didn’t want to just show up empty-handed or with just a can of cranberry sauce or something, and I know your sisters like chocolate so I figured fudge pie would be good and keep in the fridge tonight until--”

He leaned over and kissed her until he felt her relax. “Thank you for doing that,” he said, brushing the tip of his nose over hers. “It’ll mean a lot to my mom.”

She looked at him with so much love in her eyes then, the way that was beginning to frighten him. It wasn’t her that scared him, not at all; he would be overjoyed to spend the rest of his life with her looking at him that way. But he had this absurd idea in the back of his mind that if she kept showering that much love on him all at once, she would run out of it quicker and then...well. She was still Anna, so she wouldn’t just completely cast him aside, but a gentle letdown seemed more and more likely every day as her star shone a little brighter each passing hour, and still she poured so much time and affection onto him of all people. He wished she would slow down, pace herself; he’d take a few less “I love yous” if it meant dragging out the inevitable a little longer.

He didn’t dare breathe a word of how he felt to Anna. He knew it would devastate her to hear it. It wasn’t that he doubted her; she loved him well and so completely he wondered sometimes how he had lived before it. And of course he loved her too, more than anything, and yes, like he reassured her over and over again when she began to worry about all the new Annas she was expected to be, she was still her, which meant she was his favorite person in the world, but that was the problem: she had always been her, always destined for bright and beautiful things, and he had always been him, and sometimes just loving someone wasn’t enough.

“Kris?”

He blinked; he had been so focused on his thoughts and getting started on the drive that he hadn’t heard her. He reached over and squeezed her knee. “Sorry, baby, what is it?”

“Can we make a detour? I’ll, uh-- it’s hard to find with GPS, I mean, so I’ll tell you the way. And it’ll be fast, I promise.”

He shot her a quick glance before turning onto the interstate. Why did she look so nervous all of a sudden? “Sure, no problem.”

They stayed on the interstate for a while, until they were nearly to Santa Clarita, and then she set her hand over his where it rested on her knee and squeezed. “Take this exit,” she said, and he did so silently, not understanding what she was doing and not trusting himself to say the right thing.

She directed him down a series of roads until they were just past the outskirts of town, and then she pointed towards a gravel lined path he nearly missed. “Sorry,” she said when he swerved to make the turn, “it’s, uh, like I said, hard to find. Which is, um. What I was looking for.”

He opened his mouth, a question finally forming, but then they passed through a line of trees into a cleared glade, and the words died in his throat.

It was a little house with blue shutters and a small porch; only one story, but with plenty of wide windows to let in the light, and there was a “For Sale” sign out front. After several long moments, he turned to Anna, and saw a little smile curling at the corners of her mouth.

“It’s-- it’s not that expensive, really,” she said, her voice wobbling a little, “I mean, I can’t buy it outright, but since they’re paying me week by week during rehearsals I can do the down payment and mortgage easy, and it’s out of the way so no one would find it, and-- and Elsa came and looked at it for me a few days ago and sent me pictures of the inside and it’s really nice, and I know-- I know…”

She trailed off and took a deep breath. “Um. I mean. I looked at other houses, but I kind of liked this one the most because...well. It’s out of the way, like I said, but since it’s north of town it’s only like thirty minutes from where you said your clinicals would be, and like-- I’m not saying that to, you know, make you feel obligated or anything, but just-- well, I mean, I really love you. And you just...I don’t know, I kind of thought maybe you would want it too, and it would make a lot of stuff easier on us, and if you say no I totally get it but, um-- do you think maybe you’d want to live here with me?”

Yes, he wanted to say, yes, my god, you don’t even have to ask, give me the chance to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up to find you still there, let me make you breakfast every Saturday and let me start a garden out front full of only sunflowers and let this be our home for as long as it can.

Instead he swallowed hard and asked, “Are you sure about this, Anna? I...don’t know if this is a good idea.”

He had never seen her face fall so fast.

[gascon-en-exil]

rank the lachesis archetype

This is going to be inherently less entertaining for everyone involved because, with one exception, all the Lachesis characters are women and as such I have no frame of reference for how they might be in bed. It’s arguably even more awkward for me than something like the Camus or Jagen archetypes because a Lachesis is defined first and foremost by what might be called aspirational incest - how deeply she desires to fuck her brother. Anyway:

Lachesis: The original might be the most audacious, but because she exists against the backdrop of Jugdral where everything is just kind of like that it’s not nearly as scandalous as one might think. I’m totally on board with more recent portrayals playing up her obsession with Eldigan, a star-crossed love undeterred by any number of one-night stands with surprise pregnancies and/or an unsatisfying and probably sexless relationship with Finn wherein they bonded over the dicks of dead men they’d never get (again). She’s not!French, her promoted class is hilariously OP, and she does her messy best to be a mother to her children even though she’s definitely not ready for it or in a situation conducive to competent parenting. 9/10, not perfect but her successors would be hard-pressed to ever surpass her or her monumental legacy of incest.

Nanna: Lachesis Gen 2, literally. Codified the valkyrie as the class most strongly associated with this archetype as well as diversified their incestuous portfolio via her two predestined pairings: with her first cousin (and son of Eldigan) Ares, and with Leif who was raised alongside her as a brother. FE5 gives the nod to the latter and Leif/Nanna does indeed make more thematic sense in the context of the unification of Thracia, but I’m docking her a point since her more canon-endorsed love interest isn’t biologically related to her and because I like Diarmuid better can he be gay in the remakes please?. 7/10.

Clarine: Meh. Haughty and obnoxious without much to recommend her unless you like characters with that sort of personality, and now that we’ve moved on from Jugdral actual incest and for the most part pseudo-incest just isn’t in the cards anymore. To her credit she doesn’t go for either Perceval or Elffin even though both of them seem like they’d be ideal husband material for her. Instead, she appears to follow Lachesis’s lead and go slumming for men noticeably beneath her when she can’t get brotherly dick. 4/10, could be helped out by a remake with FE6 being as comparatively thin on characterization as it is.

Priscilla: As with many older Western fans she was my first exposure to the archetype, and it’s the oddest thing to me that she’s garnered something of a mild hatedom. I find her inoffensive for the most part; she may attempt to come between one of the GBA era’s seminal M/M pairings but it’s not like she succeeds, and there’s a certain satisfying verisimilitude to all but one of her pairings ending badly on account of her boyfriends’ lower social statuses. Plus, a healer and strong offensive caster on a pony is always fun - and she’s the best of those from the GBA games, beating out Clarine’s bad MAG, L’Arachel’s bad availability, and Cecilia and Selena’s...everything, really. Does FE8′s meta still favor mage knight!Lute? She could be a contender I guess. 6/10, I really don’t get why she’s so disliked.

Mist: An odd case of a Lachesis who belongs to the archetype purely on a meta level, one of Tellius’s numerous examples of taking a bunch of series staples and jumbling them all up for fascinating results. In Mist’s case this jumbling takes the form of one of the many relationship fake-outs between the two games. FE9 appears to favor her cutesy prepubescent connection with Rolf, only for the sequel to pair her up with Rolf’s big brother Boyd instead. Now how does this fit the Lachesis archetype? Well, Mist’s problem is that her actual brother is gay (or some kind of not straight where he’d not much be interested in plowing his little sister, really not the point here), so she transfers all that illicit sisterly affection onto a friend of her brother who’s similarly thick in more ways than one. 3/10, not a bad character, but she’s a strange Lachesis to discuss as such and each game screws her over as a unit in a different way that makes it very hard to appreciate her as the lone valkyrie in Tellius’s roster.

Leo: The token male Lachesis, awkwardly enamored of his busty big sister. It’s a shame that his incest subtext (well, that incest subtext - he’s still totally down for banging his adoptive sister because Avatar) was largely buried in the localization, but to be fair I don’t think it would have mattered that much when the guy’s got a bunch of other stuff going on. His male harem of retainers who do a very poor job of convincing anyone of their collective heterosexuality, for example, or his drama queen tendencies contrasted against those times when it feels like he possesses the lone brain cell of the Nohrian royals. He’s not even in FE14′s unisex valkyrie equivalent class by default, although it is in his secondary class set and it gets a lot of love anyway between his Gothic lolita little sister and his gender nonconforming son. And did I mention his weird thing with tomatoes? Like I said Leo has a lot going on; being one of the millions of men in-universe and out who fap to Camilla barely even registers. 5/10, a novel concept but he’s so much more than a Lachesis. Also, it barely exists in localization.

Clair: Not a proto-Lachesis or anything of the sort in FE2, more of a very mild Catria toward Alm. The remake presented us with Faye as one of the most disturbing takes on the Catria archetype, and Clair got a fresh new design and personality most strongly reminiscent of Clarine instead. FE15′s Clair does offer up one or two interesting new takes on Lachesis, mostly in how self-aware it all is and how she one-ups every woman on this list crushing on a guy with gay subtext by existing against the backdrop of the hotbed of homoerotic longing that is the Deliverance. She and Fernand out each other’s attraction to Clive, and even once he deserts them to find a man who understands him she’s still stuck in line behind Mathilda and Clive’s loyal, fawning subordinates (and Python). It’s up for debate who comes out worse in the end. Sure, Fernand gets betrayed and killed by his rebound, but at least he gets to die in Clive’s arms. Clair marries Gray, which continues in the Lachesis tradition of massively lowered standards. 6/10, a lot less annoying than Clarine and heavily embedded in some prime queer content, but on her own she’s just a bit above average as a unit, as a character overall, and as a brother lover specifically.

Three Houses unfortunately lacks a Lachesis, unless Wave 4 surprises everyone by tossing one in somewhere. If I had to squint very hard and pick one I’d say that Flayn comes closest to the archetype, as no fewer than three of her romantic support lines (Byleth, Ferdinand, Linhardt) invoke the specter of incest though it’s usually Crest-derived rather than standard biology. I wouldn’t call her a true Lachesis, but perhaps like the game’s nod to the Christmas knight archetype it’s meant to be a more understated thing.