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imnoexpertblog · 6 years ago

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Here's some stuff to do and listen to.

7/20/18

Are you ready to receive some suggestions to entertain your fine selves? ‘Cause I’m ready to give it.

For those who are local: My dad and brother run NYFO together for Green Bay. What’s NYFO? WELL. “NYFO 7on7 Football is the next generation of player development, no matter your skill set. NYFO is the NATIONAL GOVERNING BODY for 7on7 & Non-contact Football. Our leagues, camps, and training exist to ultimately transition better, safer, and more fundamentally sound knowledgeable players. NYFO is committed to helping every player in our program improve no matter their skill level. By doing so we will ultimately enhance the sport of football, from youth organizations through the NFL. NYFO is ‘Non-Contact’ For parents, ‘non-contact’ can be translated into ‘one-hand touch.’ Without the distraction of full-contact, players can focus on fundamentals. With so much negative media attention given to concussions and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), 7on7 offers parents a safer alternative for kids wanting to play football.” Quick additional info: They offer programs for age groups 8U, 10U, 13U, 15U, and 18U. Go to their website if you’re interested in signing your kids up! Okay but anyway, if you need something to do this Friday you should go to a Bullfrogs baseball game! Bullfrogs “Stars Of Tomorrow” fundraiser family & friend tickets are $18 and include your ticket (duh), a Bullfrogs hat, a hot dog, AND a soda! A damn steal if you ask me. It helps out NYFO and you’ll have something fun to do! All registered players from NYFO get in free with and a portion of the proceeds from family/friends tickets sales going to the NYFO by simply using code “NYFO7on7” at the point of purchase. Go to greenbaybullfrogs.com, click Buy Tickets Now in the top right corner, and enter the promo code (NYFO7on7). Gates open at 6:05pm and the game is at 7:05pm! See you at the diamond on July 20th! Give them a follow on Instagram! @greenbay.nyfo

I never really blog about music for how passionate I am about it. I have mentioned before that I sing, too. I’d love music even if I couldn’t sing though. Anyway, everyone loves finding new music, right? I’m gonna tell you my most listened to artists and songs on my Spotify. First, I’ll tell you how I found this data. I found this question forum on this link: https://www.quora.com/Is-there-a-way-to-see-my-most-played-artists-songs-in-Spotify. You’ll see in the answer that there’s Spotify.Me or there’s ManageMyMusic to see your most listened to stuff. Spotify.Me is intricate and gives you information like your favorites, streaming habits, and listening insights. Apparently, what I listen to the most is considered to be a bunch of different types of “pop.” I don’t know if I agree with that. They also tell me that “I know what I want” because 84% of my favorite artists are within my most-listened to genre. That I can agree with. It says I’m high energy lately in my streaming choices, but I don’t see it. I have been choosing really chill music, in my opinion. The other link in that question/answer forum is called ManageMyMusic and it gives you a ton of lists; Top artists and tracks for the “Short Term (4 weeks),” the “Medium Term (6 months),” and for the “Long Term (Years).” I’ll give you my top ten for each category, though I know there will be overlapping. I obviously love everything I am about to include so please give this stuff a listen. You’re about to get an intimate peek at my soul.

Top artists -- Short Term (4 weeks)

Jon Bellion

Drake

Milky Chance

Hozier

Andrew Belle

Bazzi

Aaron Carter

Roy Woods

dvsn

Troy Sivan

I didn’t realize that I listened to that much Jon Bellion lately. I mean, he is fantastic. I just didn’t realize I listened to so much of him in the last month.

Top artists -- Medium Term (6 months)

Drake

Blackbear

Tory Lanez

Marc E. Bassy

Jon Bellion

Bazzi

Post Malone

Hozier

Aaron Carter

Sam Smith

I can say for DAMN SURE that Baby has heavily influenced who I listened to these past 6 months. Drake has always been my man but I never listened to Blackbear, Tory Lanez, or Marc E. Bassy before I met him.

Top artists -- Long Term (years)

Drake

Sam Smith

Troye Sivan

Andrew Belle

Justin Bieber

Jon Bellion

The Weeknd

Jessie Ware

Hozier

Tove Lo

None of that even remotely surprises me.

Top tracks -- Short Term (4 weeks)

Jessie Ware, You & I (Forever)

Hozier, Jackie and Wilson

Sabrina Claudio, Orion's Belt

Jon Bellion, Overwhelming

Jon Bellion, 2 Rocking Chairs

Vance Joy, Mess Is Mine

The 1975, Somebody Else

Jon Bellion, The Good In Me

JAHKOY, Still In Love

Young the Giant, Cough Syrup

This is all very "me" lately.

Top tracks -- Medium Term (6 months)

Alina Baraz, Show Me

6LACK, Learn Ya

Tory Lanez, I Sip

Blackbear, moodz (feat. 24hrs)

Marc E. Bassy, 4am

Tory Lanez, Skrt Skrt

Ansel Elgort, Supernova

Bazzi, Mine

Post Malone, Psycho (feat. Ty Dolla $ign)

R I T U A L, Better By Now

This list is definitely Baby-approved.

Top tracks -- Long Term (years)

Justin Bieber, The Feeling

Troye Sivan, WILD

ZAYN, PILLOWTALK

Snakehips, All My Friends

Tatiana Manaois, Helplessly

Bryson Tiller, Don't

Chris Stapleton, Tennessee Whiskey

Sam Smith, Not In That Way

Hozier, Work Song

A R I Z O N A, Let Me Touch Your Fire

Honestly, the first 5 tracks do surprise me a little, but that was back when I had my music on constantly when I was single and home alone quite often. I remember keeping those on repeat for hours at times, so I’m not sure how accurate that actually is only because of that fact. This was all super cool to see, though. Some of it was expected, some unexpected. Either way, I hope I gave you some new stuff to listen to! And you should check out for own profiles. Nice opportunity to learn a little about yourself.

This past weekend, it was pretty warm out. Baby and I wanted to get Nugget a sprinkler so I took the little one with me to the store aaaaand they were sold out. Due to all the warmth. So I bought Nugget some water guns instead. We got 2 smaller ones and 2 larger ones for THIRTEEN DOLLARS, TOTAL. YEAH. This s’mom was shocked by that price, that’s for sure. We played and sprayed when we got home. Baby and Nugget had some fun together. The first thing Nugget did when we filled his gun though was spray me right in the (get ready) vagina. Yes. Then he yells, “I’M SPRAYING YOU IN THE PARTS.” I was like, “Uhhhhh, let’s not spray anyone’s parts and also let’s talk about anyone’s parts. It’s not polite and those are private” LOL. He’s never said anything to me about private parts or anything so that was new to me. He walks into my room when I’m changing a fair amount of the time and I know for a fact he’s seen more than I meant him to, but he has never asked questions, pointed anything out, etc. I think it’s important to set an example for your children in the sense to be comfortable with their bodies and such. This might be a whole new chapter with Nugget! We will see. Enough about my “parts” and back to the water guns. Baby said that on one of the weeks that we don’t have Nugget, that he wants to do a water gun race with me. I got 2 free beach balls from Sprint when I got a new phone last week (among a ton of other free shit, which I'll tell y'all about soon) and Baby said we should see whoever can get the beach ball across our backyard the fastest by spraying them with the water guns. I honestly think that sounds more fun than any idea I've ever had LOL. It reminds me of when I almost bought us both Nerf guns. So, if things are little mundane (or even if they’re not) maybe you and your love should find your inner children together! Get water-balloons and have a water-balloon fight, chalk up your driveway, set up obstacle courses, have a scavenger hunt! You can make it interesting by making fun deals. Whoever loses has to make dinner, for example. I think we will try all of these ideas eventually.

Speaking of shopping with Nugget, I am in the process of teaching him about not asking for toys every time we go. Baby went through a break up after a 3 year relationship before we was with me. He told me that he felt awful that Nugget no longer had two people raising him and Baby made up for that by buying Nugget toys every time they went to the store. I could tell there was a reason why Nugget would ask like clockwork what toy he would get every time we went shopping. I have been working on breaking Nugget of that expectation, as well as working on having him appreciate the things he has at home. I explain to him Daddy and I only have a certain amount of dollars and that its usually only enough to buy what we needed from the store in the first place. He actually understands this concept very well. He always asks why we are going to the store, so I always have the opportunity to tell him what we need to buy. When we went to buy the sprinkler he asked me, "Can we get a toy from here?" and I replied with, "Buddy, remember what we came here for?" He answered correctly about buying a sprinkler. I said in a very positive tone, "Yep and I'm pretty sure we only have enough dollars for a sprinkler. And you also have a bunch of toys at home that you love to play with." We walked by a few things that piqued his interest. As we walked by some bubble-guns, he goes, "Oooh, those look fun. But we only have dollars to get the sprinkler." I was so proud of him for making this connection and also proud of myself for explaining it to him so that he really does understand this. I was raised by people who didn't explain things. It was always a "because I said so" type of world and I learned to accept it. I won't put Nugget in that world, though. I want him to recognize reasoning and be able to grasp why things are the way they are. He is incredibly intelligent and capable of knowing this information. I also want him to trust me and be honest with me as we grow together, so the first step is me trusting him and being honest with him first. Just wanted to share my super proud s'mom moment of the week. I'll be back tomorrow with new recipes for you!

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ficdirectory · 7 years ago

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The Fosters: Our Thoughts on Episode 5x08 “Engaged”

Time for another twin recap with me and my sis, @tarajean621. Truth time? These are getting tough to do. I guess it’s a good thing that there’s only one more week? :(

FAMILY DINNER - KITCHEN:

Mariana: We moved prom up this year, so we don’t have to compete for venues, but now we’re way behind. So I was hoping my lovely family could pitch in?

Jesus: Can I even GO to prom?

Callie: I’m probably not gonna go... Aaron’s in college.

Brandon: Yeah. Same here.

Tonia: So...is no one gonna answer Jesus’s question?

Tara: It is referenced later that Moms have been actively avoiding conversations that may lead to “outbursts.” However, in doing so, Stef is literally pretending Jesus does not exist here. Please don’t be like Stef. All people appreciate being acknowledged and feeling heard - disabled people included.

Brandon: I know this is kinda last minute but Dad and Ana’s engagement party has to be this weekend.

Jesus: Uh, can Emma come? Come on, it’s been a week. So I can see her, right?

Tonia: I was surprised to learn Lena specified a time limit on banning Jesus from seeing Emma. It’s been a week since Jesus has been threatened with institutionalization. A week since Lena started her scary-as-hell search for cures for him. We know they’ve gone gluten free for him, controlling what he eats, already. I guess I should be glad he’s eating spaghetti with the fam?

Tara: It has also been a week since the 3.5 - 7 hour proficiency test and less than a week since the neuropsychological assessment that took “all day.” It is a fact that these tests took place within days of each other. I am so horrified.

Lena: Honey, it’s a family party, so no girlfriends or boyfriends.

Tonia: Since when don’t Moms allow SO’s at parties? (Just since trying to control every move Jesus makes? Yeah, I thought so...)

Jesus: [scoffs] Uh... Emma’s not just my girlfriend...

Mariana: [teasing] Right. She’s your FIANCEE.

Stef: Mariana...

Jesus: [puts his napkin down, gets up from the table] I’m done.

Tonia: This stuck out to me when we watched. The re-emergence of “I’m done” which we heard Jesus say really early on in his recovery. He’s clearly stressed. And Mariana just gets a mild reprimand for totally mocking the legitimacy of Jesus’s engagement to Emma. No wonder he’s done...

Tara: Aphasia worsens with stress. Aphasia worsens with stress. Aphasia worsens with stress.

Moms and Mariana do not take his engagement seriously.

Jesus is forced to revert to what he can say, which is “I’m done.” It is important to note that this is not an issue of impoliteness.

Also, remember that with aphasia, the phrase “I’m done” might communicate more than “I am finished with my dinner, and I would like to be excused.”

Other possible meanings include but are not limited to:

- “I’m frustrated, and I need a break.”

- “I’m overwhelmed, and I need a break.”

- “I’m upset about Mariana teasing me, and I need a break.”

- “I’m upset that Moms won’t allow me to see Emma even though I’m not grounded anymore, and I need a break.”

Lena: Hey. Could you please ask to be excused?

Jesus: Yeah. Can I be excused?

[pause]

Lena: Yes, you may.

Jesus: Thanks. [Jesus leaves the kitchen]

Tonia: My favorite thing about this is the way Jesus asks to be excused, because as words on the page, his tone might read as Jesus “being good.” Quiet. Obedient. But there’s an urgency here. His tone of voice communicates so much more than his words. He’s losing patience. Can’t put up with being treated like this. Nor should he have to.

Tara: Lena does treat this as an issue of politeness. She is policing Jesus’s speech and forcing him past his limits.

In this instance, Jesus has enough framework to be able to complete the required exchange, but the fact remains that Forcing “Acceptable” Speech When Confronted With Someone’s Limits Is Abusive.

Consider what may have happened if Jesus had been unable to ask to be excused:

1) He may have been forced to sit with the family, while stressed and physically unable to take a break.

2) Jesus decides to leave the table without being excused, prompting Moms to reprimand him.

If either one had happened, Jesus would be receiving punishment for his communication disorder.

As the scene played out, Jesus’s limits were not respected. He was treated not with understanding, but as someone being willfully rude.

Tips:

1) Accept the communication the person is able to give you. (Remember that behavior is communication.)

It may not be pretty. It may seem “rude.” But give them the benefit of the doubt. Chances are high that they are using the only words available to them at a given moment.

2) Ask clarifying questions that the person in question can say/indicate yes or no to if needed.

3) Set aside a time (ideal for the person with aphasia) to discuss how you can best support them communication-wise. Realize that this will likely be an ongoing conversation.

4) Be patient. Know that the person with aphasia is doing the best they can.

Mariana: Is he ever gonna be normal again?

Tonia: Okay, Moms you seriously need to derail this ableism train. I’m not kidding. Jesus is normal. It’s normal for someone to want to get away from being consistently dismissed, controlled and not taken seriously. The fact that Stef and Lena are just letting comments like this slide and not taking anything Jesus says seriously is only hurting him more.

Tara: This notion hurts not only TBI survivors but disabled people in general. Our brains and bodies will never conform to a nondisabled standard. To ask us to “be normal” is asking us to hate ourselves.

JESUS AND GABE - GARAGE APARTMENT

Gabe: [eating a plate of spaghetti] Mmm. Thanks for the food.

Jesus: Yeah, it would’ve gone bad anyway. So, we’re having a party on Saturday for Mike and Ana...

Gabe: I know. Ana invited me.

Jesus: Yeah, well, you gonna go?

Gabe: I don’t think Mike would want me there. I know her parents won’t.

Jesus: But they wrote you the letter. To get you off the sex offender list.

Gabe: It’ll get awkward. Trust me.

Jesus: Why? ‘Cause you still love her?

Gabe: I never said that.

Jesus: Yeah, you did. You said she’s the only woman that you’ve ever loved.

Tara: (What was that about Jesus having trouble with memory and recall?) ;)

Gabe: Okay. But she’s marrying Mike, so--

Jesus: Because she doesn’t know how you feel about her! Maybe. I--

Gabe: Well, neither do I. But I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t make a difference anyway.

Jesus: Okay. Well, they’re getting married in a MONTH. So just...if you figure it out? Don’t wait until it’s too late.

Tonia: So much about this exchange stands out to me. First, I just breathe a giant sigh of relief that Jesus and Gabe are having a legit conversation where Jesus’s words have weight.

But also? Jesus only knows one way to relate to his bio parents (referenced in season 2) and that is to take care of them. Here, he brings Gabe food. This always feels especially poignant knowing how thoroughly the twins were neglected as babies and prior to foster care at age five. He’s looking out for Gabe. Taking care of Gabe. Making sure he has enough to eat, and also trying to ensure that Gabe’s relationships are repaired and he has no regrets.

Because if Gabe is happy, then he won’t leave, and Jesus won’t be abandoned again.

STEF AND LENA - THEIR ROOM, BEFORE BED:

Stef: How long are we gonna let Jesus think that he’s engaged? I mean, I say we go in there right now and tell him that he’s not getting married. He is going back to school or I WILL arrest him.

Tonia: Oh that sounds like a perfect plan, Stef <--- Sarcasm Also, newsflash? Emma accepted the ring!

Tara: Jesus does not think he’s engaged. He is actually engaged.

Lena: That’s not gonna work. Trust me. I’ve seen it. The more we demand, the more defiant he gets. Besides, does it matter what the motivation is if it gets him back to school?

Tonia: OH MY GOSH MOTHERS.

Maybe you could try this thing you seem to employ with all your other children? And instead of assuming Jesus is automatically going to get defiant you sat down and talked with him.

Since his brain injury, I have not seen one conversation that is just them checking in with their son because they genuinely want to know how he is feeling emotionally. Even the conversation when Jesus found out about Emma’s abortion was brought about because he came to them, and they were checking in with him to cover the fact that they already knew about the abortion...

I wish they would just respect him enough to talk to him...

Tara: I don’t even know what to say. Stef thinks the engagement is a figment of Jesus’s imagination. Lena doesn’t care that he (thinks he’s) engaged as long as it gets him back to school?

Stef: What does Emma think about all this?

Lena: Well, you said yourself she’s got a good head on her shoulders. And for all we know, with Jesus’s TBI? This whole thing could be in his head.

Tara: Dismissal is ableism.

Lena: I seriously doubt she agreed to MARRY him.

Tara: Wow. And here we have the notion that Disabled People Are Unattractive And/Or Unworthy Of Being A Spouse. By Jesus’s own mother. A kick to the chest would hurt less.

Stef: I think that we should find out.

Tonia: I can’t explain how painful it is to see, so consistently, how little faith Moms have in Jesus now. Just how little they value him and respect him as a human being.

This is a very real depiction of ableism that people with brain injuries can and do endure. But it’s also shown that Moms are right in treating Jesus so terribly, because he has a brain injury. And that is just plain dangerous. No matter what disability someone has, always presume competence (assume they are capable of understanding you, of making decisions, etc.) A brain injury is not a free pass to abuse someone. Being family to someone with a brain injury is not a free pass to control and dismiss them. To threaten them with institutionalization and look up torture methods to “cure” them. That’s not love. That’s not help. That is ableism. That is abuse.

I guarantee you, though, if the ableism around Jesus were not a thing (even just from his family) he’d feel that. His stress level would go down, and then, maybe, he’d be able to open up to his family when he needed to talk, or needed advice or help with something. Jesus would be able to start to come to terms with what’s happened to him. And he’d be able to feel loved while he did it.

Tara: These types of comments chip away at the self-worth of the disabled community.

LENA AND EMMA - LENA’S OFFICE AT SCHOOL, THE NEXT DAY:

Emma: You wanted to see me?

Lena: Oh, Emma. Hi. [Lena walks over and takes Emma’s hands, looking to see if she is wearing Jesus’s ring.] How are you? [Emma isn’t wearing the ring.]

Emma: Is everything okay?

Lena: [Lets go of Emma’s hands.] Yes. Everything is fine. We just wanted to let you know why you haven’t been allowed at the house.

Emma: [nervously] I get it. I told him, he shouldn’t have gone to that party.

Lena: Well, we didn’t want you to think it had anything to do with YOU. And we are so grateful for how supportive you’ve been of Jesus and his recovery. Thank you for convincing him to come back to school. Honestly, we don’t know what he’d do without you.

Emma: I--I’m happy to help. Whatever it takes.

Lena: [nods and smiles.]

Tonia: Of all the comments I have seen on this scene with Emma and Lena, none have addressed how truly gross this scene is.

To call Emma down to your office just to tell her how awesome she is and how grateful you are for her to be there for Jesus. Like, would they do that for any of their other kids’ SO’s?

Making a point to praise a nondisabled student for being a friend/SO to a disabled one (and your son at that) communicates that disabled people are hard to be around and hard to love. That we are burdens and that it takes someone heroic to “put up” with us.

Moms truly think so little of Jesus, it’s breaking my heart.

Tara: Let’s also not forget that the real reason she’s checking in is to check the legitimacy of the engagement. Jesus has told her that they are engaged, but Lena needs the Authorization of a nondisabled person to make it true. Jesus’s words do not carry weight on their own.

STEF AND LENA - THEIR ROOM, THAT NIGHT:

Lena: So...Emma is not wearing the ring. I called her into my office today just to, you know, check in, and thank her for supporting Jesus.

Stef: Well did you happen to ask if they were engaged?

Lena: No, I didn’t want to embarrass her. But she seemed perfectly fine. Everything between her and Jesus seemed status quo. You know, I really just think this whole engagement thing is all in his head.

Stef: Alright. Good.

Lena: Oh, also...I invited her to Mike and Ana’s party tomorrow.

Stef: Oh?

Lena: If she’s the one keeping Jesus on track, I really don’t think keeping them apart is the best idea, do you?

Stef: I guess not.

Tonia: Emma’s keeping Jesus on track? So Jesus gets no credit for his own progress? (And way to micromanage everything Lena, after you said that Emma couldn’t come to the party...)

Tara: Notice how Lena is concerned with not embarrassing Emma. She is unconcerned about embarrassing Jesus because she feels he is not himself - just a pile of TBI symptoms.

JESUS AND EMMA - FRONT DOOR, AS EMMA ARRIVES FOR THE PARTY:

Jesus: [smiles] Come in.

[They kiss]

Jesus: I missed you so much.

Emma: I missed you, too.

Jesus: You look amazing.

[Emma laughs as Jesus looks at her in her dress. They are still holding hands]

Jesus: Oh. You’re not...wearing...the...ring?

Emma: Oh, yeah... I was worried about your moms seeing it.

Jesus: Don’t be. They know we’re getting married. And they’re totally cool with it, too.

Emma: [looks freaked out] Really?

Jesus: Yeah.

[Emma searches her purse, finds the ring and puts it on]

Jesus: Come on.

Tonia: Really, though, what else is Jesus supposed to think? When Moms don’t talk to him. They haven’t said a word to him about his being engaged. I’m sure he figures if they didn’t approve he’d know it.

And Emma accepted the ring! (I know I said it before, but it bears repeating, especially as Emma’s carrying it around in her purse!) I resent the fact that Moms are persisting in believing it’s “all in Jesus’s head” when no one around him has given him a reason not to think it’s not true.

Emma said, “I can’t marry someone who isn’t going to school.”

Not, “I can’t marry you.”

So of course Jesus thinks if he goes to school, Emma will marry him!

Tara: Right. These are not Unreasonable Assumptions.

ANA, MIKE AND ANA’S PARENTS, VICTOR AND ELENA AT THE PARTY:

[Victor spots Gabe across the yard]

Victor: Is that...?

Ana: Yes.

Elena: What’s he doing here?

Mike: Oh good! Gabe decided to come!

Ana: Stef and Lena are letting him live here while he helps Jesus with a school project. Please be nice.

Tonia: A reminder that Gabe is here only and essentially as a pity gift for Jesus and that as soon as Moms are tired of having him there (which, they were from the start) Gabe won’t be there anymore :(

JESUS ARRIVES AT THE PARTY IN THE BACKYARD:

[Jesus spots Gabe across the yard and acknowledges him happily. Then, he stops to say hi to Victor and Elena]

Victor: Look at this guy!

Elena [hugs Jesus] So handsome!

Jesus: [hugs Victor. Poses for a picture with Victor and Elena.]

Tonia: The moments with Jesus, Victor and Elena were very much background, but I noticed them, because of how happy Victor and Elena were to see Jesus. How warmly they received him. How, to them, he is the very same boy. With the very same worth. To whom they give the same love and the same respect they ever did.

Especially as Jesus missed out on spending time with Grandma and Grandpa Adams, it was nice to see him being loved on by Victor and Elena.

Tara: This was a much-needed breath of fresh air.

STEF AND EMMA - PARTY:

Stef: Emma. Hi. [hugs her. Emma looks uncomfortable probably because she knows Stef is not a hugger.] How are you?

Emma: Good!

Stef: Good to see you! Thanks for coming!

[Emma gets water from the water cooler. Stef sees the ring on her finger]

Stef: Oh! The-- That’s the, um, the ring that Jesus gave you?

Emma: Yeah.

Stef: [takes Emma’s hand] Oh, it’s--that’s-- Wow, that’s very pretty...

Emma: Thanks.

[Stef tries to catch Lena’s eye across the yard. Eventually gets her inside with some excuse about Stef having something in her eye.]

Tonia: Again, Stef can barely disguise her disgust for the ring Jesus made. She says it’s “very pretty” but her tone says the ring is dirty, cheap, and worthless.

Tara: I think it may have been less disgust and more Oh-My-God-I-Can’t-Believe-It’s-True-I’m-Freaking-Out.

STEF AND LENA - KITCHEN, CONVERSING IN HUSHED TONES:

Stef: She’s wearing it!

Lena: What?

Stef: The ring! The engagement--it’s out of Jesus’s head and on her finger!

Lena: [sighs] Well, maybe she doesn’t think it means what JESUS thinks it means.

Stef: I think we need to ask her: ARE THEY ENGAGED?

Lena: Right now? In the middle of the party?

Stef: No, not now. But soon. Very, very soon.

Tonia: Because God knows now that Jesus has a brain injury, he clearly does not know what being engaged means... <-- Sarcasm Moms, please stop this nonsense. You need to start accepting the child in front of you. Because your ableism, your lack of confidence in him, your abuse of him is harming him more profoundly than his brain injury.

Tara: Um yeah. It was out of Jesus’s head the moment he proposed. Catch up, Moms. And stop being gross.

JESUS AND GABE - PARTY:

Jesus: Hey!

Gabe: Hey!

Jesus: Did you talk to Ana yet?

Gabe: What? No! No, I’m not going to, Jesus. This is her engagement party.

Jesus: Maybe that’s why she invited you. So that you’d realize that this is happening and you would say something.

Gabe: [considering]

Jesus: Come on. What’s the worst that happens? She says no? [Ana walks up, Jesus tells Gabe under his breath] Say something.

Ana: Hey! Glad you came!

Gabe: Yeah, I’m not so sure your folks feel that way...

Ana: Oh, they’re fine. I promise.

Jesus: I am gonna go grab some food.

Tonia: Jesus, still working so hard to make sure Gabe is happy.

Tara: In this week’s episode of AfterBuzz TV, Brandon Quinn who plays Gabe was being interviewed. He made a point to say that the episode made it seem like Jesus was leading Gabe, but that actually those thoughts had been in Gabe’s head all along. Jesus is not being Unreasonable here.

Adriana (Jesus and Mariana’s bio cousin, and the official photographer for the party): All right! Let’s take a birth family photo! Come on!

Jesus: Come on! (Jesus, Ana, Gabe and Mariana all stand in a line, arms around each other)

Adriana: Okay, everybody, get close!

Victor (looking on with Elena) They are a beautiful family.

[Stef and Lena look uncomfortable and do their best not to watch as Adriana takes the picture.]

Adriana: Three, two, one! Perfect! Oh, it’s so cute!

[Jesus takes the camera and shows the picture to Ana, Gabe and Mariana. Jesus and Mariana are really happy.]

Tonia: Moms’ reactions to this picture is just aggravating to me. Your kids have biological parents. One of those biological parents is getting married to Stef’s ex. You both agreed to host their engagement party at your house. So your twins’ biological family is going to also be present.

We saw back in Quinceanera, that Jesus and Mariana have very few pictures of themselves from when they lived with Ana. Mariana kept one in her room in the pilot, that Jesus ripped. In the Quinceanera photo montage, there is one baby/toddler photo a piece for the twins. They go from being babies to five in no time flat. They had maybe one picture with Ana. They have no pictures with Gabe, and certainly none of the four of them together.

in short? This picture is important to Jesus and Mariana. Moms have a ton of pictures with their twins over the last eleven years. You can’t let Jesus and Mariana have this one with Ana and Gabe? It’s probably the only one they’re ever gonna have.

Stef and Lena have had the privilege of having family pictures. They have so many they probably don’t even consider it a privilege. But to be photographed with a biological parent or parents is a privilege. To get to see your own features reflected back in someone’s face. To have proof that you look like them. You came from them. To see your smile in their faces.

Jesus and Mariana look so happy that this picture is being taken. I wish Moms at least tried to act supportive. After all, when the party ends and everybody goes home? Jesus and Mariana are their kids. The twins know it and so do the Moms. I just wish they could have been happy their kids get to have this moment with Gabe and Ana, and this picture, which, they might never get an opportunity to get again.

And particularly after Victor and Elena talk genuinely about “what a beautiful family” they are, Moms’ reactions just seem rude and immature...

Tara: Yes, it is a shame that they seem so threatened by something so small that will mean so much to their kids.

JESUS AND EMMA - PARTY, LISTENING TO BRANDON AND GRACE SING FOR MIKE:

Jesus: Someday soon they’re going to be throwing a party like this for us.

Emma: [looks uncomfortable] Be right back. [She walks in the house. Lena sees this.]

Tonia: Ugh, Jesus is so happy. And again, no one is telling him the truth. Stop lying to him, please.

Tara: She still can’t treat him as fully human by giving him the dignity of the truth.

MARIANA AND JESUS - PARTY, TOASTING ANA AND MIKE:

Mariana: Hi!

Mike: Hi!

Mariana: That was beautiful, Grace and Brandon. Ana, I just wanted to say congratulations. I’m so happy that you found Mike. He’s an amazing guy. And you guys are totally soulmates so... I’m so happy for you!

Jesus: Uh, yeah!

[crowd laughs gently]

Jesus: So, I, um-- Well, I guess I never really...uh, thought that I’d be at an engagement party for my birth mom. I never really thought that we’d have a relationship with you. Or you, Gabe. But um...one thing that I know is that it’s never too late. Even if you think it is. So, yeah, that’s pretty much what I wanted to say...

[crowd laughs again]

Tonia: I was so secondhand embarrassed when Jesus was giving this toast, but it wasn’t out of bounds.

It annoyed me, though, that we heard Stef say: “Hear, hear!” to Mariana’s toast and when Jesus is speaking, she and Lena are just standing there with their arms crossed. Like they are waiting for him to say something wildly inappropriate...

Tara: Very sweet toasts.

[Brandon shepherds Jesus aside, whispers] What the hell was that toast?!

Jesus: What do you mean?

Brandon: This is my dad’s engagement party!

Jesus: Okay. Look. Brandon, if Gabe and Ana still have feelings for each other?

Brandon: It’s none of your business!

Jesus: Do you really want your dad to marry Ana if she still loves Gabe?

Brandon: You’re unbelievable. Just stay out of it, okay?

Tonia: One of the only moments in the episode where ableism was not at the center of the family’s interactions with Jesus. But he’s still shown to be out of line here. Like he needs to be taken in hand. So maybe the ableism isn’t so distant as I thought?

Tara: Just because Brandon read into the toast doesn’t mean that it wasn’t completely sweet and appropriate. Jesus does not need scolding. Ana, Mike and Gabe are all grown adults. Let’s just take a breath.

LENA AND EMMA - LIVING ROOM:

Lena: Hey. What are you doing in here all alone?

Emma: [tearfully] Sorry. I was just taking a break.

Lena: Honey, are you all right?

Emma: [nods, holding back tears] I really want Jesus to get better and go back to school, but I’m not ready to be engaged.

Tara: Emma is verbalizing the trope that Romantic Love Cures Disability. She thinks because she agreed to marry Jesus, that he will not only go back to school but Get Better.

Lena: Jesus’s recovery is not your responsibility. It’s his. And it’s mine and it’s Stef’s. And I’m so sorry that I didn’t think about the burden I was putting on you.

Tonia: Lena! Seriously? Jesus’s recovery is his responsibility? What kind of ableist ridiculousness is that? Your son has a brain injury. No matter how hard he works, he will always have a brain injury. You cannot change him. He cannot change himself. Please stop trying and start being there for him. He doesn’t need a drill sergeant, another doctor or another therapist. He needs a mom.

He is not a burden. He’s your son.

These kinds of depictions of disability...they like...slowly seep in. And when we must watch them over months? Without a single contrary voice daring to speak up and say, “This is wrong?”

It feels like Moms are right.

And that is devastating.

Tara: re·cov·er·y rəˈkəv(ə)rē/noun 1. a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.

Again, usually there is a certain amount of improvement to be expected post-brain injury. A certain amount of recovery, if you will. But the brain injury will never go away.

Burden, Lena? Kick me in the chest again. As disabled people, we are constantly expected to justify our existence because of ableist beliefs like this. The belief that disabled people are burdens leads to the justification of our murders at the hands of our caregivers.

Emma: So you’re not okay with us being engaged?

Lena: No. No, of course not. Honestly, honey, we just thought that maybe it was all in his head. We should have asked you.

Emma: It’s okay. I think it sort of IS all in his head. I never said that I would marry him.

Lena: We’ll talk to him, okay?

Emma: Would it be okay if I talked to him first?

Lena: Yeah. Yes, of course. Come here. [Lena hugs her]

Emma: Thank you.

Tonia: Emma, you gave Jesus a nonverbal yes by accepting the ring. You didn’t give him solid no, verbally or otherwise. You put the ring on today in front of him. That’s not in his head. It’s a reasonable conclusion to draw.

Tara: Lena tells Emma OF COURSE WE DON’T APPROVE, but has said nothing to Jesus over the past week to indicate this.

[Stef comes in, Emma says “hey” as they pass. Stef comes to join Lena in the living room]

Lena: Maybe my mom was right about indulging Jesus.

Tara: Indulging him how? I am seriously asking.

Lena: I can’t take the path of least resistance just because I’m afraid of the outbursts.

Tara: Hello Ableism, my old friend... It’s the tried and true TBI = AGGRESSION stereotype. Can’t say that I’m happy to see you.

Stef: Hey. There’s no “I” in this. It’s “we.” We’re not giving up, okay? We’re not giving into this thing with Jesus. We’re going to fight to get our boy back. Whatever treatment it takes, we’ll try ‘em all until something works. Okay? When are we gonna see that doctor in LA?

Lena: In a couple weeks.

Stef: Okay. So in the meantime? We take away that treehouse and whatever else we have to, to get his attention.

Tonia: So many things disturb me in this conversation:

The notion that they are in a “fight” to get “their boy back” when Jesus is literally right there in front of them. He did not get body-snatched or stolen.

That they are cavalierly going to try “all” the treatments. Including shock therapy, because that’s what’s in LA.

Their method of “getting Jesus’s attention.” Perhaps the treehouse was a project that Moms let Jesus do out of pity or indulgence, but that is not on Jesus. He has done nothing that would merit their arbitrarily revoking the one thing that’s giving him any joy. It’s been days and I still, truly don’t know what Jesus did wrong that would merit such a crushing consequence.

Also? By taking away the treehouse? They will be sending Gabe away. The only person other than Emma who Jesus has felt like he can confide in.

I keep saying this - but it keeps being true - I am so beyond devastated for what this will mean for Jesus.

Tara: This “thing” with Jesus? It is called disability. It is not something to fight, but rather something to accommodate. His brain is not holding him hostage. It is working overtime to create new pathways - trying to help him.

There is no cure for brain injury. There is adaptation. Accommodation. Apology when you make a mistake. Patience. Presuming competence. Respect. Love.

Shock treatment is abuse. It induces seizures and causes subsequent brain injury. To continually pitch this as a legitimate treatment option is irresponsible and harmful.

It makes me sick that while Moms would never consider ECT for each other or Jude to cure their homosexuality, they would jump at the chance to use it on Jesus.

Please writers, value disabled life more than this.

And as if the looming threat of torture is not enough, Moms are now taking away the treehouse and presumably Gabe.

Because existing as a disabled person is wrong and apparently requires punishment.

JESUS AND EMMA - JESUS’S ROOM:

Jesus: [smiling] There you are. Should we, uh-- Should we shut the door, or?

[Emma does]

Emma: I love you.

[Jesus smiles]

Emma: But... But I can’t wear this if it means what you think it does. [Emma takes off the ring and gives it back to Jesus]

Tonia: It means engagement, and you knew that when you accepted the ring, Emma.

Tara: Yes, let’s not keep up the facade that it’s all in Jesus’s head. Just admit that you didn’t want to hurt his feelings and that’s why you accepted the ring. Tell him you don’t want to marry him.

Jesus: Wait. Wait, wait, wait, um... Are you...breaking up with me right now?

Emma: No. I’m...not. But we’re too young to be engaged, Jesus. And I can’t be your only reason for going back to school. You need to do that for yourself.

Jesus: Wait. I’m sorry. So that’s why you said yes. [He drops the ring on his desk]

Emma: I never said yes.

Tonia: OMG Emma, just say you’re breaking up with him! Stop pitying him. You’re not doing him any favors by staying with him because you feel bad for him.

Tara: The truth’s out. Even accepting Jesus’s proposal was a manipulation.

Jesus: Well, if that’s how you feel then maybe we SHOULD break up.

Emma: Jesus.

Jesus: No, I’m not a charity case!

[Mariana overhears, comes into the room]

Emma: I never said that you were!

Jesus: Well you think that I can’t survive without you?!

Emma: That’s not what I meant!

Jesus: You know what, Emma? I don’t need you.

Tonia: Yes, Jesus! So happy to hear him tell Emma he is not a charity case! It feels so beyond gross to know that you are a “project” to someone, not an equal.

Tara: Trust that we can tell when you hold these beliefs about us. And consider whether you would want someone to hold these beliefs about you, right now, as you are.

Mariana: Yes, you do, Jesus! She stuck by you this whole time! She’s been, like, the best girlfriend ever!

Tonia: Again with the Nondisabled Savior nonsense. Stop it, Mariana.

Tara: You do not get to tell Jesus what he needs, Mariana. He can figure that out for himself.

Jesus: Oh, and now, all of a sudden, you like her? You guys are friends again? Well, that’s great, but you know what? Leave me the hell alone.

Emma: Jesus.

Jesus: I mean it, okay? Let’s just call it.

Mariana: Don’t do this.

Jesus [to Mariana] You need to stay out of this. [To Emma] And if you don’t want me forever, then I don’t want you at all. So just go.

[Emma and Mariana stand there as Jesus turns away]

Jesus: Just GET OUT, Emma!

[Emma leaves]

Mariana: You’re so stupid. [leaves too]

Tonia: So again, we have Emma and Mariana not taking Jesus seriously. He has to tell Emma to leave four times - has to raise his voice and yell before she will.

Tara: And stupid appears to be Mariana’s go-to insult for Jesus these days. This word is second only to the R-word in terms of the harm it does to those with disabilities, particularly those with brain injuries. She does not respect him or his decisions. She does not view him as competent. It is heartbreaking that even his twin thinks so little of him.

Jesus [slams his hands on his desk. Looks up and out his bedroom window to see Moms talking to Gabe and Gabe walking away from them]

Tonia: And cue my heart breaking some more, because this moment? Is Moms telling Gabe he has to move out because they are taking the treehouse away from Jesus. And Jesus has no idea yet. :(

Tara: This just keeps getting worse.

MARIANA AND EMMA - FRONT STEPS:

Mariana: Emma! He doesn’t mean it!

Emma: I know.

Tonia: Ladies, lets have a talk: Jesus does mean what he says. Feeling like a charity case sucks and it’s completely reasonable for him to want to break up with Emma after finding that out.

Tara: Yet another version of Not Presuming Competence. Saying Jesus “doesn’t mean” something because he is disabled takes away agency over his own life. It is another means of nondisabled control.

Mariana: He’s gonna get better. He really is.

Emma: When?

Mariana [hugs her] I miss him, too.

Tonia: Jesus may make more progress, he may not. He has a brain injury. That did change him, but not the way you think. Because it did not steal him. He is not gone. He’s right in front of you. And he’s rightfully angry that no one is treating him with any dignity or respect at all.

You both are the ones who need to change. Accept Jesus as a person. Talk to him, don’t just react to what you think he might do.

Tara: This conversation spoke to my worst fear post-brain injury - that I was a different person. An unlovable burdensome shell.

I felt so different in my brain and body that I could not fathom that my family’s love for me had not changed. Despite their reassurances, this is still something I am struggling to come to terms with almost 20 years later.

Mariana and Emma don’t love Jesus for who he is now - they tolerate him.

They’re waiting for the “old Jesus” to come back. And that specific version of Jesus does not exist anymore. This is a new version of the same person.

And the notion of “getting better” in the colloquial sense will not happen with Jesus. His brain is injured. And while the brain is able to make new pathways, the injury itself will never go away. Waiting and expecting him to “get better” in the way one “gets better” from a broken leg is an exercise in futility.

JESUS AND MARIANA - HANGING POSTERS AT SCHOOL, THE NEXT DAY:

Jesus: You know, Stratos doesn’t even care about Anchor Beach Academy. He just wants revenge against Anchor Beach ‘cause of Nick!

Mariana: [shakes her head]

Jesus: I mean, it’s crap! If anyone deserves revenge, it’s you and me because of what Nick did to us.

Mariana: You’re right.

Tonia: It’s interesting. This is the first time I can recall that Jesus has mentioned Nick and what he did to both of them. (Previously holding Mariana at gunpoint and then in a later episode, knocking Jesus out, causing his TBI.)

Tara: This strongly mirrors my experience. It took months for me to 1) heal physically enough and 2) to even begin to come to terms with what happened to me to be able to discuss it.

[Jesus and Mariana continue down the hall]

Jesus: I gotta go to the bathroom.

[Jesus stops short of the bathroom to look at the model of Anchor Beach Academy]

LENA AND STEF - KITCHEN:

[Mariana and Jude walk in]

Lena: Hey! How’d it go? Did you get the posters hung?

Jude: Yeah.

Mariana: No one was there. It was perfect.

[Lena’s cell phone buzzes with a call from Drew Turner, principal at the kids’ school]

Lena: Hello?

Drew: I need you to come to the school now.

LENA AND DREW - AT SCHOOL:

Drew: So, I come in today to get a little work done, and I find this. [Drew gestures to the model of Anchor Beach Academy, smashed]

Lena: Oh my God. Who did this? Why would someone--

Drew: No idea! So I checked the security cameras...and your kids were the last ones in the building.

Tonia: I don’t like the insinuation that Jesus hulked out and smashed the Anchor Beach Academy model. And it makes me really nervous because I still feel like Moms have it in their back pocket to send him away, especially if they are sure it will “help.”

Tara: Hmmmmm... I wonder who will be the fall guy? :/

JESUS - GARAGE APARTMENT:

Jesus [knocking] Yo, Gabe!

[Jesus opens the door to find Gabe gone. His stuff is gone. The bed is stripped. Blankets folded on top. There’s a letter left behind, Jesus’s name is on the envelope. He sits down, holding the envelope. His face is stunned and sad.]

Tonia: No matter what that letter says, you can bet Jesus is going to take Gabe’s leaving personally.

(And I love how Moms did not even bother telling Jesus and Mariana that Gabe moved out. So Jesus - and eventually Mariana - will have to find out whenever and however, and be shocked and hurt.) <-- Sarcasm

So now, Jesus doesn’t have Emma or Gabe to talk to and confide in. I am so worried for him. I hate that Moms did this. :(

Tara: This show gets harder and harder to watch every week. We feel a sense of duty to speak out against the horrific offenses against our community.

Representation matters.

TV teaches people how to treat people who are different from them.

But we are hurting. And we are tired. And we have never been more glad that the hiatus is just a week away. Because we need a break.

And during that break, we will hope that our words have made a difference.

For more: Fosters Recaps

#the fosters #5x08 #engaged #jesus adams foster #ableism #tbi #representation matters

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ficdirectory · 7 years ago

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The Fosters: Our Thoughts on Episode 5x02 “Exterminate Her”

We’re back for more of our thoughts on this week’s Fosters. As usual, check out @tarajean621‘s thoughts on Jesus and brain injury representation in italics below:

You Know What Could Have Happened, Callie?/Honey, She Was Terrified: I can totally understand Callie wanting to focus on the good side of things. I’m sure she is keenly aware of just how badly things could have gone. And Stef being short with her and Lena taking the time to explain how scared Stef was rings so true to Real Stuff Parents Do.

This Is Nothing to Celebrate!/Surprise! And, naturally, all the charges are dropped. But how awkward is this surprise party led by Robert? Especially Mariana leading her brothers in a rousing chant of “hip hip hooray” because “our sister’s a hero!” So cute, though.

How Long Are You Gonna Stop Speaking to Your Brother?/How Long Are You Gonna Stop Speaking to Mariana? I missed this part somehow when it first aired.

How’s The Treehouse Going? Has She Taken Over Yet?/No, She Just Found Us a Tree: Wow, everyone’s crabby today, aren’t they? Settle down, Emma. Only a few more days and you can be really far away from Mariana. (And Jesus. I wonder how that will go?)

Hey, Can I Talk to You for a Second?/Uh, Yeah, Sure: I hate that everyone is now actively fearing Jesus. It’s especially disheartening seeing Mariana react out of fear here. And the camera stays with Brandon as he jumps and then leaves the table. I’d love for the assumption that Jesus now resides at Intimidation Station to not be a thing.

I have been looking for statistics on how likely it is that people with TBIs assault their caregivers, since this seems to be the slant the writers are taking with 5A. I could not come up with one link.

I did, however, find pages of links (over 3 million results) about disabled abuse and victimization.

One source says that disabled people are 4-10 times more likely to be victims of violence, abuse or neglect than nondisabled people. It goes on to share why people living with TBIs are likely to encounter victimization - the list includes the use of undue force (which I covered last week when Gabe restrained Jesus), caregivers misperceptions about TBI leading to abuse or not believing us when we report abuse, or having to endure abuse “in return for” help with tasks of daily living.

Definitely. In just existing as a disabled person and talking to others who are, I can say that everybody I know who is disabled, has, at some point, been abused. (Usually, this is by a caregiver.) Another source I found on the maltreatment of children with disabilities states that:

“Children with disabilities may have increased vulnerability to abuse because...[they] may be perceived as less valuable than other children. Their reports may not be considered trustworthy. Discipline may be more punitive and accompanied by a lack of respect.”

So, I’ve Been Thinking and I Wanna Do My Senior Project By Myself/Well, You Can’t: Um. Wow, Mariana. Maybe you should have been honest with Jesus from the start about this.

Yes, this might have been a more timely conversation weeks ago. Although, it was really up to Moms and Drew to deliver this news to Jesus, so Mariana is not the only one to blame here.

I’m Gonna Talk to Drew Myself and See What He Says: You pretty much have to, Jesus. It’s the only way you’re guaranteed the truth.

But wait, if Jesus speaks to Drew all on his own, who will Drew look to if there is not a suitable nondisabled person present? <-- Sarcasm

Was This Emma’s Idea?/No. I Just Need to Prove That I Can Do Something on My Own: Of course, Jesus would feel strongly about this. His family doesn’t respect him as he is. It makes sense for him to feel like he has to prove his capability to get them to take him seriously. Nothing else is working.

Our society views productivity as the be-all and end-all. You go to school to produce meaningful work so that you can graduate and get a job, thus becoming a contributing member of society. You are useful and worthy then. Jesus feels like he needs to produce a meaningful senior project without help to be seen as useful and worthy again. And it doesn’t hurt that it might earn him points with Emma to distance himself from Mariana.

I Just Wanna Help/I Don’t Need Your Help/Well, We Do/So You Want Me To Go Live with Robert? Honestly, though, what else is Callie supposed to think? Moms are pretty much saying she is too much for them and they need backup to handle her.

Callie, We Love You But There is Only So Much That We Can Do For You: I guarantee you the only part of Lena’s sentence that Callie heard was “We love you, but...” which feels exactly like, “We don’t love you,” or “We used to love you, but don’t anymore.” (Please think about what you’re saying Moms, these words will stick.)

You Need to Decide Who You Want to Be Going Forward, Because This Girl is Not Acceptable: OMG talk about a back-to-back gut-punch! Jeez... What is Callie supposed to do with a statement like this? She is who she is. She can’t change who she is. She has had a ton of stuff happen to her before she ever came to Stef and Lena. That all impacts who she is and her decision making process.

This morning I read an article called 3 Reasons Traditional Parenting Doesn’t Work With Kids From Trauma. Callie has lived months as an adopted child, as opposed to 7 years in foster care. She is in survival mode all the time, and completely shut down during Moms’ and Robert’s lecture.

I’ve heard similar remarks as an adoptee myself and that is exactly how they resonate. Moms’ words must feel like such a rejection.

After This Last Thing With Callie, I Just Don’t Know What To Do/I Know That Was So Awful For You. I’m So Sorry. How Can I Help? What Can I Do? This is probably a bit of a raw wound for me personally, because Stef absolutely needs and deserves comfort. But it feels so jarring to see this scene after the previous two with Moms and Callie.

Lena excused Stef’s anger at Callie in the car when Stef talked about how Callie could have been beaten or raped (she has experienced both in foster care, Stef.) Then the lecture. But we just don’t see that level of love and support for Callie herself. Nobody is asking Callie “How can I help?” or “What can I do?”

I Need You to Say You Can’t Help Unless It’s Both Our Projects, Because You Can’t Choose Sides: Mariana, I get that you are always at least 25 billion steps ahead, seeing every possible bad eventuality but you need to try to reign in this impulse to manipulate the adults in your world. Maybe talk about that in therapy? (But speaking of Kids Who Came From Trauma...pretty textbook behavior.)

(On the positive side, give Brandon Quinn all the points for the physical comedy of trying to put those jeans on! So funny!)

He’s Lucky I Didn’t Suspend Him/And You’re Lucky I Don’t Sue You. And The School: Yes, Lena! (Also how gross is that pro-privatization piece in the ABCC school paper?)

Portfolio?/Your Body of Work: I find it hard to believe that Callie would have zero idea of what a portfolio is, but maybe she doesn’t hang around a lot of art students?

Mariana Just Told Me That This Treehouse Project is Approved for Her and Not Jesus Because He Might Not Be a Senior Next Year? It was news to me, too, Gabe! I’ve literally been thinking (for months) that Mariana went in to support Jesus for his senior project. That it was his meeting. And that when it was not approved for him that was the end of it, but Mariana couldn’t let it go, so she lied and said it had to be both of their projects.

But Jesus Has No Idea, Right?/We Don’t Want to Frighten Him with All the What-Ifs/Keeping Things From Him Blew Up in a Pretty Big Way: I mean, Gabe’s not wrong...

Dean Bayfield: Well, hello, new neighbor. Looks like Stef’s a little tongue-tied around you...

When Do They Send the Paper to the Printer?/They Already Did/What If It Caught an Error and Sent a New File? Mariana Adams Foster...put that big, beautiful brain of yours to good use and be careful. (I’m so proud! But I’m so conflicted about being proud!)

Pick Up Your Senior Project/Toss It: This Girl Is Not Acceptable.

The Art Professor...is Gonna Let Me Audit Her Class and Help Me Put Together My Portfolio/That’s Amazing: This Mama Sandwich for Callie is so bittersweet because she looks so relieved that they still love her.

Do Think I’d Be Better at Scooping Ice Cream or Flipping Burgers?/That Depends. You’d Be So Bad at Both: OMG Callie! Hahahaha!

Maybe This Could Be My Still Life. I’m Salty, Right? Why would she want to find an object that defines her if the girl she is is not acceptable? No wonder she is struggling so hard with this.

I Used to Blow Dry My Hair Straight, Too, Mariana. It’s Called Time-Management: These are the moments that I love. Because Mariana’s hair is not a lost issue, and Lena remains supportive about it, giving Mariana advice from her own experience.

We Have 5 Teenagers/Oh God Bless You! We Just Have the One: Hahaha! I love Theresa!

A Good Basic Case With All the Essentials: Can’t go to art school without supplies!

The Article Doesn’t Appear to Quote You or Anyone on the Administration. It’s Just One Kid’s Opinion, Right? OMG Lena, I love you! Also, check out the screencap Tara got of the article in the Sea Breeze! Love that it cites IDEA and points out what this article says, in part, which is “ If the private...school does not accept any federal funding, then the school is not required to provide accommodations” to students with disabilities.

What Did You Bring to Sketch?/I Think I’m Just Gonna Sketch My New Art Set: Because nothing says Callie like an art set you got 10 minutes ago... :(

Grace! Are You Okay? Are You Hurt? Why Are You Handcuffed to the Bed?! Brandon, your reaction to Grace here was, hands down, my favorite part of the episode. You give me hope for humanity in this moment.

Otherwise, Why Would You Be Here? I also love Ximena! There is such a shortage of positive female friendships depicted on TV that I would love to see Callie and Ximena develop one. But it looks like Ximena’s complimentary question to Callie isn’t sitting quite right...

It’s For This Foster Family That Has, Like 12 Kids. Some of Them Are Special Needs: First of all, it seems illegal that one family would have 12 foster kids at once? And secondly? Pretty much no one in the disability community likes the term ‘special needs.’

Since I Got This TBI, People Treat Me Like I’M Special Needs: So revealing there, Jesus. I always say, the hardest part about being disabled isn’t the disability, it’s the way we’re treated as inferior. I imagine that dealing with a sudden disability as Jesus is, that feeling is even stronger. (And I can’t shake the feeling that the ‘people’ Jesus is referring to is his family. And honestly, nobody should be treated like they’re less when they’re disabled, especially by family. It’s bad enough to experience it in general society.)

Having a brain injury is not a bad thing, but it does take some adjustment. The way Jesus says, “People treat me like I am special needs” is revealing, as Tonia pointed out. People treat him like a pile of unreasonable demands - like a list of symptoms - instead of as a human being who has a brain injury.

Talk to Your Moms/All They Do is Lie to Me and Keep Secrets. They Aren’t Going to Tell Me. So, What Is It? I can’t say I wouldn’t be making the same call Gabe ends up making here...and so far, Gabe is one person whose ableism is at a minimum, and Jesus feels that. He feels respected by Gabe. His experience with Moms post-TBI has been that they treat him as less now. They have lied to him and he doesn’t need anymore of that. He’s out of the woods, healthwise, he doesn’t need to be ‘protected’ in this manner.

No Longer Funding Any Junior Student’s Senior Projects: Of course you aren’t, Drew...

Did You Talk to My Father? Robert Quinn? Oh Lordy, this isn’t gonna end well, is it? How humiliating for Callie. Like she needs Robert calling in favors for her to get to audit art school class...

I’m Not Gonna Be a Senior Next Year?/We Don’t Know That, Jesus: Now Jesus knows, and Stef still won’t give him a straight answer? Really? At least tell him what you DO know...

Also, inquiring minds would like to know what IS happening with regard to Jesus and school? Stef and Lena are both back at work and Jesus is home all day, talking to Gabe as he builds the treehouse. Lena’s an educator. School is always on this family’s radar. Even if Jesus isn’t ready for full days, I’d think a teacher coming to the house for a bit wouldn’t be out of the question. But school hasn’t even been mentioned by Moms except to say that Jesus is missing a lot, and taking Drew of all people as the expert on post-brain-injury reentry to school.

Jesus, I Need You To Calm Down/No, I Am Not Going To Calm Down/Then You Can Go To Your Room Until You Are Willing To Listen To Me. Now:

In my opinion, Jesus is not out of bounds or out of control here. He has a right to be upset, but Stef sends him away. (Instead of sending Gabe and/or Mariana away so she can have a private conversation with Jesus.) She tells him to leave until he is willing to listen to her - but Stef is in no way willing to be around his feelings in this moment.

Too often, disabled people are expected to “be nice” in the face of ableism. And let’s be clear, not telling Jesus about what is going on with his schooling is ableism. Dismissing Jesus’s current upset? Also ableism.

If any of the other kids found out Moms withheld information for weeks about them possibly not being promoted a grade, upset would be an expected reaction. In Jesus’s case, it is not justified in Mom’s eyes.

I’m Not Going Up There With Him! Did You See What He Did to Brandon’s Room? What If He Takes a Baseball Bat to My Head? Kids learn ableism from their parents...and Stef doesn’t refute Mariana here... So harmful. (And also - if Mariana isn’t comfortable going upstairs, the least Stef could do is tell her to go to the living room or something. Anything so she is not right there when Stef tells Gabe that if he can’t respect Stef and Lena’s authority as the twins’ parents, he’ll have to leave. Awkward. And not a conversation for one of the kids to overhear.)

Is This a Bad Time?/Jesus is Up in His Room and I’m Sure He Would Love to See You Right About Now: Um... If Jesus is supposed to be being punished or taking a break or whatever, why would you send Emma up there? (But I have a pretty good idea why. Disability as a Plot Device, anyone? Because up until now, Emma was the only person who wasn’t fearful of Jesus. The choice to send her up there just to witness Jesus throwing things is a conscious choice to continue his ostracization and isolation. To make sure he has no one to turn to or lean on.

Notice how this “outburst” comes immediately after being dismissed.

Also, here is another example of how traditional parenting does not work on kids with traumatic backgrounds. And a Traumatic Brain Injury is yet another trauma for Jesus to juggle, in addition to his unstable infancy and childhood (until age 8). Sending Jesus to his room just drives home the fact that he, like Callie, is seen as unacceptable now.

I Wish I Had Somewhere to Unleash My Beast/You Do. Your Art: Jesus, do you hear this? You and Callie could totally channel all your feelings into art. That’s what it’s there for, and you’re both good at it. (I’d actually really like to see this!)

How Did Your Job Interview Go?/I Was Late So I Probably Didn’t Make a Great First Impression: Yeah, like when your girlfriend calls you with fake emergencies when she KNOWS you have a job interview soon...

Pretty Sure She Was Trying to Have Sex With You/Oh, My God: I loved this! Rang so true to me that the adopted kid would totally get what Grace was trying to do with Brandon while Brandon remained innocently oblivious...

I Wanna Try to Be a Senior Next Year, Even If That Means I Have to Go to Summer School/Honey, That’s Really Great to Hear, But Your Senior Project Will Have to Wait Until Then: Okay but Jesus literally did not say anything about his senior project. He’s talking about his education right now. Why does no one take him seriously? (Oh wait, I know...)

“That’s really great to hear.” What does that even mean? “That’s really great to hear that you still desire and value an education even though you have a brain injury?”

It sounds as if that was Lena’s way of possibly skirting the education conversation.

Because I Got Mad? Are You Punishing Me? Of course, it feels like a punishment.

Drew’s Not Funding Any Senior Projects by Juniors/You’re Lying: Moms, remember Stef’s brilliant take on ‘trust has to be earned?’ I feel like it’s time to work on starting to earn Jesus’s. Because right now, he can’t trust anything you say, and why should he?

Also, I’m pretty sure Monte said last episode that Drew isn’t the principal because she hasn’t yet resigned. So...why is the vote invalid but his word about Jesus’s senior project like signed, sealed and notarized by a judge?)

I Could Probably Get Jesus’s Uncle to Donate/Birth Uncle: This is interesting, because we watched this episode with a friend who adopted her daughter. And she specifically commented on this scene. Said she never corrects her daughter when she wonders about her birth mother. And she felt it was out of place for Moms to correct Gabe here.

I Do Wanna Keep My Senior Project/We Took It to the Dumpster Already: Ouch, Callie :(

I Didn’t Give Her Any Money, I Just Asked Her to Give You a Chance, But Only If She Believes in You, Which, Obviously, She Does/You Don’t: Bam. It’s truth time, by Callie. And that really is what Robert’s actions communicated. Instead of helping with her or giving her advice on what to do next, he went behind her back and appealed to the teacher’s pity, and that never feels good.

I Know You All Think That I’m Unacceptable/That’s Not What We Meant/It’s What You Said: Right, Callie? And no matter how many other times she is affirmed, those words will be inside her, challenging the love she’s shown. It’s this thing: anger resonates as the “truest” feeling, while love feels forced. It’s hard to explain...

When You First Met Me You Told Me I Wasn’t Disposable and I’m Really Trying to Believe That: We keep track of every single word.

We Don’t Want You to Throw Away Your Past, We Just Want You to Stop Repeating It: But that might not be entirely in Callie’s control. How often do we rehash or recreate an aspect of our past in an effort to work through it, or because it feels familiar and that feels safe? Moms want Callie to feel safe, but safe is new. And it’s going to take some getting used to. (Also I’m really glad Lena rescued Callie’s senior project from gettting thrown away.)

So, I’m Not Going to See You Before You Go?/I’m Sorry/I Love--: Emma’s pulling away so hard and fast. This sucks.

I really hope that this whole Aggression Is A Symptom storyline does not end up Teaching Jesus A Lesson.

Did Mamas Talk to You About The Treehouse?/I’m Gonna Ask Emma to Do It With Me...If That’s Okay: Ugh, and the twins aren’t getting along still. And at this point it seems like working with Emma on the treehouse this year or next is gonna be a bust...

Not being able to connect after an injury is a thing, and I appreciate that it is being depicted. To add to Tonia’s comment about Emma, we don’t know what is going to happen with them. He is trying to make things work with his girlfriend while putting Mariana in her place. We will have to see what happens...

I Guess I Shouldn’t Have Read Fifty Shades of Grey: Oh, Grace, what a terrible book!

I Don’t Know Where The Keys Are. I Think They’re Over Here/Okay, I’m Coming: Hahaha! Don’t play with handcuffs, Brandon and Grace...or Stef will have to come unlock you...and wouldn’t that be embarrassing?

Fearless: I love Callie showing Ximena her necklace from her mom as her object for her Still Life and I love Ximena’s reaction to it!

Tess/Oh, My God! Stef! So, I was in the shower, the morning after this aired, and it occurred to me. The thing that everybody already knows about who Tess is. But in case someone hasn’t made the connection. I realized Tess was Stef’s high school friend who she was cuddling and got caught by Stef’s dad. Also the reason Stef was sent by her dad to see a priest, who told her being gay was a sin (episode 1x06, I believe.)

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ficdirectory · 8 years ago

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The Fosters: Our Thoughts on Episode 4x20 “Until Tomorrow”

One last time until July 11th, here’s your weekly twin recap of The Fosters, with @tarajean621 handling the Jesus scenes (in italics)

The Baby Wasn’t Yours, It Was Brandon’s: I mean, I really can’t blame Jesus for attempting to fill in the blanks regarding all the secrecy regarding Emma. Linking Brandon and Emma together almost seems perseverative at this point, but not unreasonable given the circumstances.

Everything Okay? You Seemed Kinda Weird When I Left Yesterday/Yep. All Good: Happy to see the prism glasses still in use. And it has to be beyond frustrating to have to appear “all good,” because you know that no one in your circle will be honest with you.

Offered Us a Deal/How Long?/Three Years: That sounds hideous. What kind of a deal is that? Though, I can’t really blame them. Having Callie on video breaking and entering…

I Can’t Go to Jail. Please, Mom/It’s Okay. You’re Okay: Wow. We don’t usually see Callie this unhinged in front of Moms ever.

Can You Please Not Tell Anyone at Home?/That’s Fine. This Is Between Us and Mama: Yes, love the respect for Callie’s boundaries, Stef.

You Wrote About Me on Twitter?!/Nobody Knows It Was Me/I Do! Ooh, Mariana. This is where your own journal would come in handy - that only you read and write in - you told Jesus about it in Season 3. Write in that, not anonymous Twitters.

Listen to Me...Lena...Don’t Come Back If You’re Just Going to Stir the Pot: Drew! Go away! And stop trying to intimidate Lena.

If He Thinks We’re Onto Him...Should We Move Her?/Let’s Give It 24 Hours: Pretty sure Stef’s going to really regret agreeing to wait a day to move Diamond.... A lot can change in a little bit of time…

Just have to say that it appears that both Lena and Stef are at work here, and Jesus is presumably at home alone.

I Need Your Help...We Need to Keep Any Response From the Students Calm and Under Control: I love that Lena knows that Mariana’s involved in this - that she will follow through - so it’s not like she is coming to her saying “Don’t do this,” but “Things need to be calm.”

Nick’s Dad Is Behind All This/How? Nick Doesn’t Even Go Here?/He’s Putting Up the Money: And I love the continued honesty about anything involving Nick and the support Lena shows Mariana.

Come Here/Hey. You Wanna Go For a Walk? Always interesting to me that moments where Moms are supporting or hugging the other kids instantly drive Callie closer to Jude. In this moment, she can’t even stay in the room and keep making protest signs. She has to vacate completely. Probably because it’s too painful to see everything she’ll miss going to jail tomorrow.

Use That Hurt and Anger For Things Like Helping the School/Where Do You Think I Learned That? From You. You’re My Hero, Callie: Nice Callie and Jude scene. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen these two connect. Maybe since early season 4. I hate that we had to wait so long to see them touch base again, but I appreciate that they seem to be able to hear each other and respect each other now.

Who Else Was There? Kyle Snow?/No! Someone Else: Law and Order!Fosters is certainly interesting to watch and I like seeing Mike doing really good in his job. Let’s hope he can get the truth out of Doug Harvey…

How Are You Doing?/Just a Little Anxious: Ever since 1x03, I’ve been hoping that Callie and Brandon would have another jam session. Also, I’m super proud of Callie for channeling her anxiety into the music. Positive coping, ftw!

What Page Are You On?/Um, I Am On Page 47 and If You Ask Me Again In An Hour, I’ll Probably Still Be on Page 47: Just because Jesus can read now does not mean that it is easy for him to do so. Filtering information is something that can be drastically impacted by a brain injury. (My brain injury occurred almost 20 years ago, and I still struggle to read or hear information in an environment where any extra auditory stimuli is present.) In this scene, Emma is speaking to Jesus while he is reading while Brandon and Callie sing and play upstairs.

A Bunch of Us Are Gonna Be There to Try and Save the School. You Guys Should Come/Yeah, We’ll Be There: The tension between Mariana and Emma is real here, you guys, but I do always love any twinteraction we get to see.

Explains Why He’s So Obsessed With the Case. He Was Afraid Someone Was Going to Pin It On Him: Well, apparently talking to Doug Harvey was quite illuminating for Mike. Looks like the arrow’s pointing back to Troy after all…

Why Do You Think Grey’s So Intent On Seeing Callie Put Away? Because This Girl - This Teenage Girl - Keeps Uncovering Things That He’s Trying To Cover Up: Thank you for that summation Mike, as unrealistic as it is.

Have You Ever Gotten Someone Pregnant?/No: Jesus is not looking to commiserate here, he is hoping Brandon will tell him what he believes is the truth about Emma.

Weird Top Secret Twitter Account...I’m Not...Look: With stress, Jesus’s aphasia is impacted. So, he attempts to show Brandon the Twitter account instead of speaking about it.

No, It Was There/Hey, Hey, Hey. It’s Okay. Don’t Worry About It, Okay? I appreciate that you’re in a difficult situation here, Brandon, but patronizing Jesus is not the answer.

Hey, Grandma. It’s Me, Jesus. Do You Remember The Letter You Read Me? Was There Anything That You Didn’t Tell Me? Come on, Grandma. Time to face the music. You can do it.

Emma Got Pregnant But Then She Had an Abortion. I Just Found Out and I Thought You Guys Should Know: I’m impressed that Jesus’s first inclination is to go to Moms about this.

How Are You Feeling About All This?/It Feels Weird. Ana Could Have Had an Abortion and Then I Wouldn’t Be Here: I’m here for all the Stef and Jesus scenes. It does feel uncomfy, however, that she and Lena know and do not tell him.

This also shows that the conversation he had with Gabe last season (where Gabe told Jesus he did tell Ana to get an abortion) is always on his mind.

I Said I Would Never Get Myself Into a Situation Like This and If I Did I Wouldn’t...But, It’s Emma’s Body. I Just Wish That She Would Have Told Me: Totally valid feelings, Jesus. I’m glad you have such an evolved perspective.

There’s Light All Around, Just Open Your Eyes: Oh, Callie. Of course you can’t sleep tonight. The last night of ever feeling safe in your room with your sis. Sad day. (Sad night.)

We Cloned Diamond’s Phone. Her Pimp’s Coming to Get Her: Oh nooo...

Good Turnout, Huh?/Yeah, It’s a Good Thing That Somebody Tweeted the Rumor/I Know, Right? Yeah, Jesus, Mariana is just going to keep lying to your face until you call her out.

Look, I Know It Was You. The Twitter Account. I Know That Was You. I’m Not Stupid, Mariana: I’m glad they’re finally having this conversation.

I Can’t Believe You Didn’t Tell Me About Emma! What’s Wrong With You?/I’m Sorry, Jesus! You Have a Freaking TBI! You Freaked Out When There Was a Pepperoni On Your Pizza! So Excuse Me for Not Telling You That Your Girlfriend Was Pregnant: I have to say, that at least on Mariana’s part, this exchange is directly tied back to that first conversation between Mariana and Stef at the hospital about not being upset in front of Jesus. I feel like despite Jesus’s anger early on, the twins had a tight enough relationship to share things.

If You Wanna Be Mad at Anyone, Be Mad at Brandon/Why Would I Be Mad at Brandon? Oh crap.

Can We Come In Yet? Isn’t the Meeting About to Start?/It Is About to Start, But It’s a Closed Meeting: Lies, Drew!

Why Are You Doing This? Nick Doesn’t Even Go to School Here Anymore/Whose Fault is That?/Everything That Happened With Nick is Because of You...He Never Had a Chance With a Father Like You: Ooh, tell him, Mariana! This was a long time coming!

They Gone. Diamond and Cristina/Cristina. ‘Bring Tina’ God I’m So Stupid. She’s Bringing Him a Girl: Ohhh Stef. To quote Jojo, “You’re just too little, too late.” But seriously, figure something out so those girls don’t have to go back to that horrible man.

Pull Over. I Don’t Believe These Two: Good eye, Daphne! So glad you’re paying attention! Get Diamond and Cristina off that street corner and somewhere safe.

If I Wanna Get Outta This Alive, I Gotta Go Back, and I Gotta Bring Him a Girl/I Don’t Wanna Go Anymore: Oh, Diamond. And Cristina is for sure having second, third and fourth thoughts on this one.

I Don’t Wanna Do This/You Don’t Have To: Thank you, Callie. Let Cristina know she has an out. Though I’m pretty terrified of what you’re gonna do once she goes.

I’ll Go/Like Hell, You Will!/I Don’t Have Anything To Lose: Noooo! Callie! You have everything to lose!

It’s the Board’s Right, Layna: Oh no you did not, Drew!

I Had the Axe In My Hands...I Just Swung and Hit Her: Troy confessed! OMG! (And the tears are evoking zero sympathy. Sorry not sorry your Grandma saw the benefit in having you not feel entitled to everything in your life. That doesn’t give you the right to kill her.)

He Confessed. He’s Gonna Have a Hard Time Denying Callie Was Afraid of Him Now. I Think You’re Looking At a Dismissal: You would be, except Callie and Diamond just got picked up by Diamond’s pimp...

Where’s Callie?/She’s With Diamond and That Russell Guy. She Said You Should Track Her Phone and Find Them/Oh My God, Callie: Right, Stef?

He’s Gonna Pat Us Down. Best to Hide Your Phone: Ahhhhh!!!!

A Good Education Is Not a Privilege. It’s a Right: Go Lena!

You Took Emma To Get an Abortion?!/She Was Scared. She Needed a Friend and She Couldn’t Tell You/Why? Why Couldn’t She Tell Me? I Mean, Everyone Else Knew! My Whole Freaking Family Knew! Can’t say I didn’t see this coming.

Because the Baby Was His! That’s Why You Didn’t Wanna Tell Me! Because the Baby Was Brandon’s!/Jesus! And here’s the danger of not giving someone all the information they’re entitled to. (And let’s be clear, as soon as Emma wrote Jesus that letter, he was entitled to all the information she wrote to him.)

Jesus is now filling in the blanks for himself, because what else is he supposed to believe? That those closest to him repeatedly dismissed his concerns and questions? That they deliberately withheld information from Jesus for weeks, if not longer? That, because you have a TBI, your nondisabled family and friends think they know better than you? Brandon having sex with Emma and getting her pregnant is a devastating scenario. But not as devastating as your self-image being destroyed by everyone closest to you.

Hey! They’re Not Gonna Let Us In, So We’re Not Gonna Let Them Out! Well, that’s an interesting plan, kids…

Should We Run?/He Has a Gun: Good eye, Diamond. Stay alive until Stef can find you guys <3

The Motion to Dissolve the Anchor Beach Charter is Carried: Well, crap.

Education is a Right! Not Just for the Rich and White!/Good Luck Explaining to Them What You’ve Done: Right, Lena? Mariana and the protesters are mad now…

This is Cristina. She’s a Good Girl: Callie’s got an alias. ...and creepy Russell who insists she call him Daddy. Disgusting.

Sing for Me/You’ll Be Okay: Yes, you will, Callie! Just hold on to yesterday, ‘cause you’re never alone...

For more: Fosters Recaps

#the fosters #4x20 #until tomorrow #aphasia #ableism #tbi #brain injury #representation matters #jesus and mariana #jesus adams foster #mariana adams foster #callie adams foster

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