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johnbazley · 9 months

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On The Impossible Past, On The Miserable Future

The Menzingers, misery, and forward momentum

“I’m just freaking out, yeah, I’ll be fine.”

- The Menzingers, “The Obituaries”

I’m a wreck lately. My bank account is back to double-digits. Unemployment won’t call me back for an update on the two months of backpay I’m supposedly entitled to but haven’t received a cent of. I tell my girlfriend I’m going to stop drinking for a while because I think it’s affecting my sleep, but really, I want to stop because I’m not sure I can anymore. A week or so ago, I got a parking ticket in Asbury. I stopped by the liquor store for three minutes to buy a four-dollar wine bottle opener and came back to a ticket in my windshield wiper because I didn’t put two dollars in the parking meter. I grabbed the ticket, careful not to crumple it in my hand, and when the car door closed behind me, I screamed as loudly as I could, just to feel something in the back of my throat. When I got home, I sobbed on the couch for an hour. I told Jo that I wished the parking enforcement agent had just killed me instead, and I meant it.

I’ve been putting on my bravest face through all of this, but I’m not sure I can do it anymore. The other day, I woke up cold and so full of dread, so decidedly unmotivated about the fact that I had no choice but to live out the next twenty-four hours in my skin, that I scared myself. I took a walk on the boardwalk at night just to be alone for a bit and listened to The Menzingers’ On The Impossible Past as loudly as my headphones would allow.

On The Impossible Past is a punk rock album about nostalgia from a speaker who is certain that life has only gotten worse with each passing year. That second thing is the part that resonates with me: the present is awful, until it’s in the past, at which point it doesn’t seem so bad anymore. And look, I’ve spent enough time alone in my bedroom, or driving on the Parkway, or riding the subway in the middle of the night, thinking about my own past that I know I can’t remember a year where I spent even most of its days happy. I think it’s a feature of my depression. It’s impossible to see joy in the present; it’s only visible in the rearview mirror. Singer Greg Barnett sums it up at the end of the second verse in “Gates”: “You’ll carve your names into the Paupack cliffs, / just to read them when you get old enough to know / that happiness is just a moment.” It’s an old picture with a friend you haven’t spoken to in years, a box of mementos and old birthday cards under your bed, your initials carved into a cliffside in an attempt to make the momentary infinite.

When I lived in Queens, the thing I missed most about my hometown in New Jersey was these walks along the boardwalk, from Asbury to Belmar and back. The way it quieted down when I walked there at night, alone with my thoughts and the sounds of waves and seagulls clashing over whatever found its way into my headphones. Asbury Park, Ocean Grove, Bradley Beach, Avon-By-The-Sea, over the bridge into Belmar, the walk back to my car, parked alongside Deal Lake to avoid the parking meters in Asbury. The way the boardwalk changed in texture from weathered driftwood to polymer to concrete as I walked south though the neighboring towns. My feet sweat in my shoes, my ears rang from my music up irresponsibly high, I watched the horizon as barges carried cargo along a sliver of Atlantic, and I thought about coming and going, passing through. It calmed me when I needed it.

The boardwalk is packed these days. I think everyone’s looking for that same feeling I sought, an escape. I can’t blame them for looking.

There’s a bridge in “Mexican Guitars” preceded by a beat where the guitar rings out. For a moment, it sounds like the song is over, like a new song has crept its way over the hill, into view, some small glimpse into an answer to all of this misery that Greg Barnett has invoked. Then, there’s a brief moment of clarity. Greg sings:

“I did what I did to get away from this, ‘cause everything that's happened now has left me a total wreck, and everything that I do now is meaningless, so I'm off to wander around the world for a little bit.”

He continues, as the chorus kicks in for the first time:

“So does anyone know the best way to go? Which road that I could take to get to Mexico? ‘Cause I’m so sick of living in this ditch with only the memories in the back of my head. I’m on cruise control and the radio’s on. Yeah, they’re playing that song that we both learned on our Mexican guitars.”

There’s a sense memory here that draws back that moment of happiness: a song comes on the radio that reminds the speaker of learning to play guitar on a Mexican Fender, an affordable alternative to the pricey American-made models. It kicks in as the driver’s on cruise control—moving forward in a straight line for such a long distance that holding a foot to the gas pedal would be physically cumbersome. If there’s an antidote, a surefire way to relive the moment that is happiness, it’s forward momentum. It’s aimless ambulation. Before the final chorus of “Casey,” Barnett reinforces the idea by employing Springsteen-esque car worship: “Just tell me when you're ready, I'm all packed to go / to search for that old place we found forever ago. / Oh, and we could take my car, yeah, she’s still got the spirit / we could live, we could live, we could live, / and no longer just have to hear it.”

I don’t know if anything’s better anywhere else. I don’t know if there’s some old place or some new place that could possibly serve as a refuge to the uniquely horrifying moment. I read a lot on Twitter and in the news about how this country had a record number of new cases this week, how many hundreds of new cases New Jersey reports each day. But it’s hard not to wonder when you spend every second at home.

I worry that I’ll look back on this time nostalgically. I’m afraid I’ll miss it, erase the sharp edges and long for this miserable, impossible summer, where I spend most of my time browsing the internet, playing video games, and watching movies every night with my girlfriend. I worry I’ll forget the anxiety, the depression, the grief. And when I get to thinking too much about that, I start to wonder if I can really trust myself at all. What if things aren’t as bad as they seem? What if I look back on everything nostalgically because things aren’t so bad in the first place? Do I really need money and a job to be happy, to be at peace? How am I supposed to feel about that?

I don’t have the answers at the moment. All I can say is that, a few nights ago, when I walked in a straight line to Belmar with On The Impossible Past in my headphones, I felt as close to an answer as I’ve ever felt. On “I Can’t Seem To Tell,” Greg sings “I can’t seem to tell if it’s my head or the earth that’s spinnin’ around,” and I nod my head, slowly at first, then sharply.

#bsidecollection

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goosewriting · 2 years

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hello! i was wondering if i could request how the ROTTMNT boys would take care of or comfort their S/O after they've had a bad day emotionally (just feeling sad, tired, unmotivated, etc)? i thought you wrote them very accurately and i am curious to see what you think (if you choose to take on this idea)!

Bad day, like, the worst (rottmnt x reader)

summary: the turtles take care of their S/O after they had a really bad day.

relationship: Rise Leo, Raph, Mikey, Donnie x GN reader (separate)

warnings: distressed reader, comfort

word count: 2.2k

A/N: excuse the sudden shift in style; i’m still trying to find my sweet spot between “technically still prose but in bullet points” and “rambling about my headcanons in the group chat”. i wish i had a turtle to cuddle me on a bad day :’) hope you all have a fantastic weekend!

(english is not my first language. constructive criticism and grammar corrections are very appreciated!)

— — —

You were having one of those days where the little luck you had seemed to have abandoned you completely.

It had started that morning, when you slept through your alarm and got up late. You spilled your breakfast on the clothes you had picked out the day before, and almost everything else was in the laundry. So you had to settle for an old shirt that you didn’t consider too flattering.

Then you arrived late to class, only to realise you forgot your assignment at home. Which you had stayed up late to finish, and you were actually happy with the result. Your teacher didn’t seem too convinced about your story, and said you’d have to hand it in by that night per e-mail, or your grade would be lowered.

Once you were finally done with the classes for the day, which you hadn’t been able to focus on at all, you were just walking out the doors of the building when it started pouring. And of course you had forgotten your umbrella.

You decided to ask your boyfriend turtle to come pick you up, but your phone had run out of battery. With an exasperated sigh you placed your backpack over your head as you made a run for it.

After what seemed like an eternity, you arrived at the lair. As you entered the main room, you tripped over your own feet, and all your things from the backpack went flying. So by then you were soaked, incredibly frustrated, and had lost the last bit of dignity you had left. You were convinced that the universe was against you that day and out to get you.

Kneeling on the floor you broke down in tears.

🔵 Leo

Leo would be by your side immediately.

Even though he can seem to be all over the place, he has a very good sense for how the people around him are feeling.

Still, he appreciates it when you’re able to voice your needs.

If you have a hard time doing that, he’ll offer you some options so you can decide and not be overwhelmed.

“Do you want me to listen or give advice?”

“You wanna play a game to get your mind off things or cuddle and talk about it?”

Overall super attentive and affectionate.

Leo takes your feelings seriously of course, but if it gets too dark, he’ll try to make you laugh to lighten the mood. After all he copes with humour.

“Oh hey Y/n! I didn’t know you were coming ov-“ Leo greeted you when he heard you come into the lair, but seeing your legs give in under your weight he rushed to your side. “W-what happened? Are you okay?!”

I’ve had the WORST day ever is what you tried to say, but what came out was a series of choked back sobs and gasps.

Leo quickly picked up your things, and hooked your backpack over his shoulder, then took your hands in his to get you up to your feet, and guided you to his room. He dismissed the worried looks his brother gave him, solely focused on you. It pained him so much seeing you like this.

Sitting you down on his bed he closed the curtains at the entrance of his room. The first thing he did was give you a clean change of clothes and wrap you into a blanket burrito. Then he sat down beside you and gently stroked your cheek with his thumb, wiping away the tears.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” he asked softly. Using a corner of the blanket to wipe once across your whole face, you thought about it for a moment and silently shook your head.

“Is there anything I can do?” he tried again, seeing that your tears just kept coming. Sniffling, you just hugged his torso, bringing him down onto the bed with you as you lied down.

“Can we just stay like this for a moment” you said in the tiniest voice, Leo almost didn’t hear it.

“Of course” he said and kissed the top of your head, letting you cuddle up to his chest between his arms.

To distract you, he told you about some missions he had been on with his brothers, retelling some of them truthfully, and some of them with an obviously exaggerated flair, just to make you laugh or snort at how ridiculous the story was.

Hearing his voice lulled you to sleep, and it didn’t take long for you to doze off, not before thanking him with a tired voice.

Giving you a relieved, loving look, he lied next to you, hearing your even breathing, soaking up your warmth, and wiping away the tears from time to time. After he was convinced you were fully asleep, he carefully got up to get you some water and a snack, leaving it on the nightstand for when you woke up, and got into bed again with you.

🔴 Raph

Mama bear alert.

Raph could get a little overbearing when you’re feeling really down in the dumps.

He’d bring you your favourite plushies, food, comics, games, a giant pillow, everything at once.

Eventually he calms down when he realises that what you need is just him being there.

Will listen to your venting intently, offering several times to beat up who or whatever made you feel like this.

When you arrived at the lair looking like you did, the brothers called for Raph. After making sure that you weren’t physically hurt or wounded, he effortlessly picked you up and brought you to the bathroom to take a warm shower. You didn’t really protest because a shower did sound good. Maybe it’d wash away the cold, wet and miserable. Meanwhile he went to pick up your things and make you some hot chocolate.

You couldn’t help a couple sobs here and there while you were changing, and as Raph passed the bathroom door he clenched his jaw at the sounds; it broke his heart in half to hear you like that.

When you were done and came out of the bathroom, Raph once again picked you up and brought you to his room. He sat down on his bed with you on his lap, and handed you the steaming mug. There even were mini marshmallows floating in the drink.

“So what exactly happened? Did someone do something to you?” Raph asked, doing his best to hold back his growing anger at the thought. Shaking your head, you looked down at the drink in his hands.

“It wasn’t someone. Today just… isn’t my day. At all” you said, noticing how hoarse your voice was from the crying, and took a sip from the mug. Just the taste of how good it was, the perfect amount of sweet and chocolate-y, had tears streaming down your cheeks again.

“Is it too hot? Did you burn yourself??” Raph asked, slightly panicking. You just gave him a soft smile and shook your head again. Ah, a smile, finally, he thought to himself and relaxed again.

“It’s perfect Raph, thank you” you said, and placed your head on his plastron. He carefully hugged your body with his big arms. “And thank you for… just being here”.

“Always”, he whispered back.

After emptying the mug, you lied down next to him and retold the series of unfortunate events of that day, while he listened and drew soothing circles on your arm and back with his hand. Looking back at your day now, it didn’t seem all that bad.

🟠 Mikey

His first reaction would probably be to freak out a bit.

Materialises the first aid kit out of thin air.

Once he realises your pain isn’t external however, his demeanor changes completely and he’s much more grounded.

As… unorthodox as Mr. Delicate Touch can be, when it comes to you, he’s very gentle.

If you’re rambling about someone because you feel you were treated in an unfair way, out of the four brothers Mikey is the one to “side” with you the strongest, no matter how biased your view may be.

Hearing you arrive at the lair, Mikey made his way to you, only to find you on the floor, sobbing.

“Oh mi gosh! Y/n!” he cried out and rushed to you. “Are you okay? What happened?”

You let out a sound that was something between a whine and a high-pitched grunt.

“Are you hurt anywhere?” Mikey asked, checking your head, arms and legs. You only shook your head and leaned onto him, crying into his neck. You stayed like that for a while, both on your knees on the floor, just your sniffles filling the air, while he stroked your back up and down.

“You wanna go somewhere more comfy?” Mikey asked after you had calmed down a bit. You nodded, didn’t move however.

“Are you hungry? I made brownies” he tried luring you, and it worked. You leaned back to look at him, and with puffy eyes, a red face and part of his plastron imprint still on your cheek, you whispered a firm “Yes”.

“Brownies will make everything better, don’t worry!” he said and helped you up to your feet, taking your hands. “But first: you need to shower. You’re cold and soaked. We don’t want you getting sick!” he exclaimed in a sing-song voice and guided you to the bathroom. Leaving you with a towel and a change of clothes, he made his way to the kitchen to prepare the snacks.

When he had the brownies, a can of whipped cream and (favourite drink) ready, he placed everything on a serving tray and brought it to his room. Not long after, joined him, rolling up in his blanket.

He sat down next to you on the bed, taking out his phone.

“Do you wanna watch Youtube? I think there’s a new video of the series you like” he offered. Snuggling up to him and being careful not to get crumbs on his bedsheets, you thanked him and gave him a quick kiss on the tip of his beak, then took a bite out of the brownie. It was so good you could have started crying again.

You two spent the evening watching mostly vine compilations. When he heard your first real laugh at one of the sketches, he finally relaxed.

🟣 Donnie

Out of the four, he probably has the hardest time.

Not because he doesn’t want to “deal” with you or anything; he just doesn’t know what to do.

You’ll have to be very clear on what you want from him, and he’ll happily follow suit to the best of his abilities.

Probably has to actively hold back on commenting unsolicited advice, and he won’t succeed every time.

Donnie just wants to help you make a plan to get out of whatever situation you’re in, because he hates seeing you like this. It makes him feel so helpless.

If it was someone however that made you feel like this, he’s bringing out all of his sharpest and pointiest inventions, no matter if they’re still in beta.

When he found you on your knees, soaked, sobbing and on the floor, for a moment Donnie just stood a couple steps away, looking at you. He was trying to process what he was feeling, how to handle it without lashing out, and calculating every possible reason for why you looked the way you did.

Obviously it had rained, hard, as the forecast had said that morning, and obviously you had no umbrella on you. Biting his tongue as not to reprimand you on your carelessness, he decided to focus on getting you dry and warm first.

Hearing him, you looked up at the turtle standing in front of you. “Donnie” you called him, and a new stream of tears came running down your face. The purple turtle felt a sting in his chest.

Approaching you, he helped you get up. You went in for a hug but he stopped you by the shoulders. “Shower first” he simply said, and you followed suit.

After giving you a clean change of clothes, a glass of water and a fruit of your choice, he checked for a fever. Seeing as your temperature was normal, he let you sit on his bed next to him.

“So what happened?” he finally asked and you trembled slightly. You knew he’d probably scold you for not having an umbrella with you, and for forgetting your assignment, and you really didn’t feel like getting a scolding right now. But you also didn’t want him to think you had to walk on eggshells around him; it had never been like that. You liked how blunt and direct he was, and knew he’d never lie to you, no matter how ugly the truth was. You sighed deeply.

“I just had the worst day ever” you began. “It’s not even worth going into detail. It was literally just Murphy’s Law over and over.” Sniffling, you looked up at him. “Can we just… hang, for a bit? I really need a distraction.”

“Sure, we can hang” he said, but then a mischievous smirk took place on his face, as he took you by your hands, guiding you off the bed. “Oooor, I can show you my super-cool new invention I’ve been working on. It will not only distract you, it’ll blow your socks off!”

At that you laughed slightly, and seeing he achieved his goal, Donnie brought up your hands to his face to kiss your knuckles. A slight blush adorned your cheeks. It never gets old, he thought to himself in satisfaction.

#goose feathers #rottmnt #save rottmnt #rottmnt leo x reader #rottmnt donnie x reader #rottmnt mikey x reader #rottmnt raph x reader #tmnt 2018 #tmnt x reader #rottmnt x reader

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whorefordean · 3 years

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a love like this × s.r

word count- 1.5k

warnings- language, not proofread

pairing- steve rogers x reader

a/n- hey!!! I'm sorry I haven't been posting. I've been super busy/stressed/unmotivated :( trying to post some more!! anyways here's a little touch starved fic with my fav captain :))

It was hard being the newest recruit at the Avenger’s compound. You still hadn’t been able to open up to many of the other Avengers in the compound, only really feeling comfortable around Nat, Wanda, and Sam. That didn’t stop you from feeling drawn to a certain shield-wielding Captain.

You couldn’t explain it really. You just wanted to be near him all the time but couldn’t bring yourself to start an actual conversation with Steve. Sure, you’ve talked to him about missions, but that was it. And still, you never felt safer than when you were near him.

Nat was quick to notice your change in behavior around Steve. After weeks of watching you blush every time Steve placed his hand on your back as he moved around you, Nat decided it was time to question you.

“Do you have a thing for Steve?” Nat smirked as she pulled you into her room. You looked at her, thoroughly confused by her question, but not surprised by her bluntness.

“No, do you?” You questioned, crossing your arms and furrowing your brow.

“No, I’m just trying to figure out why you always want to be near him,” Natasha squinted at you.

“I don’t,” you lied, unable to hide the blush creeping up your face.

“Liar! Stay here,” Nat said before rushing out of her room. You were left sitting on her bed, heart pounding in your chest. Sure, you had a little crush on Steve, but you were sure it would go away soon.

Natasha walked back in a few minutes later, dragging Bucky in behind her. You were glad it wasn’t Steve but was it really any better that it was his best friend? Not really.

Bucky was standing by the door, looking confused as he bit into the apple he was holding.

“Why is he here?” You huffed out, pouting at Natasha.

“Bucky, why do you think Y/N always wants to be around Steve?” Natasha asked, ignoring your question. Your eyes went wide as you smacked Nat on the arm. She swatted back at you while still looking at Bucky.

“Crush?” Bucky offers, taking another bite from his apple.

“She says no, but maybe,” Natasha says looking you over again. You stared at her with a blank face.

“Touch starved, maybe?” Bucky spoke up again.

“Are you touch starved, Y/N?” Nat asked bluntly. You shook your head no hesitantly causing Bucky to laugh.

“Definitely touch starved,” Bucky chuckled.

“And how would you know, Barnes,” You muttered angrily, feeling embarrassed about being called out.

“Doll, you know my history. I know what it’s like to miss physical contact. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Bucky tried to lighten the mood.

“I’m not touch starved,” you mumbled, playing with your hands. Bucky and Nat looked at each other.

“Y/N, we’re human. We all crave physical connections. You don’t have to be ashamed or embarrassed,” Nat spoke softly, placing her hand on your shoulder.

“He’s gonna think I’m weird,” you mumbled, leaning your head on Nat’s shoulder.

“Steve’s the most understanding person on this planet, Y/N. If you want a hug, he’ll give you a hug. Simple,” Bucky stated.

“It’s not that simple, Buck,” you groaned.

“Sure it is,” Bucky answered happily. He left the room and quickly returned. You looked at him puzzled until someone walked in behind him. That someone being Steve.

“Bucky said you needed my help,” Steve spoke as he entered the room.

You stood in silence, trying to find the rights words to say that wouldn’t make you seem like a creep. Hey, Steve, mind if I just always get in your way and hang all over you because I’m desperate for the loving touch I was deprived of as a child?

You huffed and looked to Natasha for help. She smiled softly at you.

“Y/N was just wondering if you liked hugs?”

“Jesus, Nat, could you make it anymore awkward?”

“What do you expect, Barnes?”

That was four months ago. You cringed thinking back to that day. Sure, Steve was fine with being the one to hold you and give you affection, but did it really have to be so awkward?

“What’s on your mind?” Steve questioned, pulling you away from your thoughts. He was tracing small patterns against the back of your hand as you laid with your head in his lap.

“The beginning of this,” you answered softly, motioning between the two of you. Steve smiled fondly at the memory. He had never told you, but he loved the fact that you wanted him to be the one you could turn to when you felt deprived of human contact. It made him feel needed in a way that being Captain America can’t provide.

He had also never told you about the way his heart skipped when you found him first after returning from a mission gone wrong. Or how he felt a sense of pride when you’d shamelessly crawl into his lap during movie night to get comfortable as everybody sent weird glances your way, questioning the nature of your relationship.

But you hadn’t mentioned to Steve the butterflies you got when he’d interlock your fingers with his during meetings. You also failed to mention to him just how much you’d craved his arms wrapped around you as you tried to fall asleep at night.

But mainly, neither one of you mentioned just how deeply and irrevocably in love you were with the other. The kind of love that wouldn’t be satisfied with just a simple hug or cuddle. You’d wanted everyone to know you belonged to him. He’d wanted everyone to know that he was yours and only yours.

That’s why you were in Wanda’s room along with Natasha practically sobbing into Wanda’s pillow in the middle of the night a week later. Steve had been on a mission with Bucky and Sam for the past week when you realized your feelings for him.

The reason you were sobbing? You hadn’t felt love like this before. Never in this overwhelming, “I have to be with you or I’ll die” way. Wanda was rubbing your back as Natasha played with your hair.

“I just don’t wanna mess anything up because I’m so in love with him, but I can’t tell him that. What if he doesn’t feel the same way? Then, it’d all be ruined. What would I do without him?” You blubbered away, sitting up on Wanda’s bed.

“Have you seen the way he looks at you?” Wanda asked while wiping your tears from your cheeks. You shook your head softly.

“He looks at you like you hung the galaxy, babe,” Natasha smiles at you. You feel tears well up in your eyes again.

“Fuck, that’s cute,” you groaned. You laughed along with the girls. After talking for a few more hours, the three of you decided to go to bed. You and Nat left Wanda’s room together, walking in silence for a few minutes before Nat spoke up.

“I really do think you should tell him,” Natasha commented sincerely. You sent her a smile and a quick nod.

“Maybe when he gets back,” you answered. Nat nodded a silent agreement. Her sly smile went unnoticed by you, and she left you alone to enter your room. Your heart stopped for a moment when you saw a sleeping figure on your bed.

“Nat, you sneaky bitch,” you whispered to yourself knowing damn well she knew he was back. You slipped into your bed trying not to wake Steve. Your heart stopped as Steve rolled over to drape his arm across your stomach and rest his head on your chest. You smiled, running your hands through his hair.

“Feels good,” Steve muttered. You laughed softly, continuing your actions.

“Natasha told me you were upset earlier. Are you okay?” Steve mumbled with his eyes still closed.

“I’m okay. Just had an epiphany, I guess,” you shrugged lightly.

“About what?” Steve questioned.

“You. Me. Us,” You answered a few minutes later. Steve waited patiently for you to continue.

“I’m in love with you, Steve,” you mumbled, barely above a whisper. You felt Steve shift himself up. His head was no longer resting against your chest, and his arm was no longer around your waist. Instead, he pulled himself up to be face to face with you, both hands on either side of you. Your hands were still tangled in his hair. His face only a few inches away from yours.

“Say it again,” Steve spoke.

“I’m in love with you,” you affirmed. You felt the heat rising into your cheeks, feeling your face blush as you watched Steve’s eyes jump from yours to your lips then back again.

“Can I kiss you?” Steve asked. You nodded slowly. Steve wasted no time in pressing his lips against yours. The two of you move in sync with the other. Steve’s hands tangled themselves into your hair as yours slipped down to his arms. The two of you pulled away breathless.

“I love you, sweetheart,” Steve smiled, pressing a quick kiss to your lips again.

#steve rogers concept #steve rogers blurb #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #marvel #avengers #avengers imagine #natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff #bucky barnes #bucky barnes concept #bucky barnes blurb #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #captain america

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dancingazaleas · 3 years

Text

miche zacharias | lesson learned

HEYY MR MICHE ZACHARIAS 😻

tagging: @yeagerslut (i never shut up abt him to them), @izukine @mitsuluv @kuroosperiodictable @xenihime

edit: i’m so unmotivated to write and i’ve been busy sorry besties😫

warnings/notes: cursing, dark content, smut, stepcest, stepdad!miche, fingering, daddy kink, choking, overstimulation, squirting, lmk if i missed anything!

your legs quiver while you thrust your fingers in and out of yourself, cheeks warm like a fire. you’re trying to be as quiet as you can be with your stepdad in a room a few doors away. it’s a little hard with the way your fingers are rubbing against your sweet spot, though.

you let out a small squeak as the thrusting of your fingers start to hit their mark, teeth immediately clamping down on your bottom lip. you’re trying so hard and you’re getting there, to the edge of an orgasm. but before you can tip over said edge, you hear your door creaking open.

you pull your hands out of you, coming face to face with your brooding stepdad.

“sorry, i thought i heard a squeak or something…” miche says, eyes inappropriately glued to your glistening cunt.

you're way too mortified to move, the only thing you can manage to do is give a shaky nod. and it doesn’t get better whenever miche starts walking to you, fear flooding your body. you look up at him, thighs closing as he gets closer and closer to you.

“don’t be scared,” his voice is gruff, igniting small butterflies in your stomach, “i just wanna make you feel good. teach you how to do it correctly.”

your mouth hangs open with disbelief, but you give a shy nod at the realization that you do have a hard time having an orgasm on your own. he lets out a low hum, shuffling into your bed behind you and against your headboard with his legs spread. you can feel his hard-on against your back when he gathers you to his chest and spreads your legs.

his left arm has your shoulders in almost a chokehold position while his hand strokes your labia tauntingly. you buck your hips just a tad, earning a soft and throaty chuckle from miche.

his fingers rub slow circles into your clit, soft whimpers falling from your lips. his fingers slyly slip down to your slit, two of them slipping inside of your tight walls with the smallest tinge of a burn. you’re tearing up, your fingers were so tiny compared to his own and they’d never filled you up just as much as miche’s did.

“hurts!! hurts,” you cry while grabbing at the sheets, biting your lip in hopes of stopping the crying.

your pain does not deter miche however. his fingers scissor apart inside of you, slightly prolonging the pleasurable burn in you.

you feel so full, like something was in your throat rather than your pussy. it’s a nice feeling and it leaves you craving just a bit more.

“m-more… please,” you sniffle, hips wigging.

“no,” he grumbles into your ear, “you’re not ready.”

you give a shaky nod, instead asking him to make you feel good like he’d promised you. he lets out a huff into your hair, slowly rocking his fingers in and out of you to avoid any pain. however, this only leaves you frustrated along with whiny.

“miche, more, more please,” you hiccup, starting to rock your hips onto his thick fingers desperately.

he lets out a chuckle but indulges in your request, fucking you with his fingers with more fervor than before. you arch your back against miche’s front, crying out.

“f-fuck, daddy, more please,” you sob once miche stills his fingers, small smile lighting up his face.

“you gonna cum for daddy,” he asks lowly, jackhammering his fingers in and out of you whilst tightening his grip on you.

“ye—fuck! yes, yes!” you gasp, almost choke, when miche starts to rub the heel of his palm into your clit.

“go ahead, cum for daddy,” he says, and you do just that.

the orgasm that washes over you is intense, making your legs convulse and you sob out louder than anytime you had before.

“what do you say,” miche gropes at your chest with his free hand, absentmindedly rolling your nipples between his fingers.

“thank you, thank you, daddy,” you sniffle, eyelashes fluttering when he looks at you.

he gives you a soft kiss on your lips as a reward, starting to thrust his fingers into you once more. you whimper weakly against his mouth, pulling away to grab at his hand for it to stop.

“sensitive, ‘m too sensitive, daddy,” you dig your nails into his wrist, trying to resist the urge to grind against his fingers.

his other hand grabs you by your throat, slamming you against his broad chest with a choked gasp.

“you don’t get to decide when this is done,” miche says, “you’ve got one more in you, don’t you? you can cum once more time for daddy.”

you cry as his fingers thrust in and out of you vigorously, already starting to feel a knot in your tummy as his pace continues. his other hand still grips onto your throat, not enough to stop your breathing, but enough to hold you down. and it feels oddly good.

“daddy,” a drawn out moan falls from your mouth, eyes rolling back into your head while he continues.

“one more,” he mumbles, “one more till daddy can take care of you.”

you whine in response, legs clamping down around his hand. it doesn’t stop him though.

his thrusting becomes more erratic as his fingertip brushes against the spongy spot inside of you, leaving you with a mouth hung open from your moans.

miche, once again, rubs the heel of his palm against your puffy clit. you scream aloud, drool falling from you lip and down to your jaw while you aimlessly start grinding your hips on miche’s fingers.

“daddy! gonna cum, gonna cum,” you squeeze your glossy eyes shut, legs almost flailing about against his hand.

miche fastens his speed, an odd feeling sneaking up into your gut.

“thank you! thank you, daddy! thank you,” you babble frantically, squirting all over miche’s rough hands.

miche hums against your hair, pulling his fingers out of you to rub your clit to help prolong your orgasm. you squeal, hips bucking wildly.

when miche decides that enough, he brings his fingers up to his lips. he gives a single sniff followed by a satisfied hum then dips the fingers into his warm mouth.

after this, you don’t think your stepdad is all that scary.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #sorrels.darkcontent👛#miche zacharias #mike zacharias #mike aot #miche aot #mike x reader #miche x reader #tw: stepcest

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himbo-only-zone · 3 years

Note

Can you do Byakuya with reader with a lot of projects piling up, but due to depression, they can't be motivated to do anything and physically can't do it. Byakuya gets a bit frustrated with the situation at hand but tries his best to not lash at reader since he knows they've felt really down lately? I recently can't get up my bed and I end up crying because i don't find motivation in finishing my projects, even though I want to finish them as soon as possible.

Of it's too much then you can ignore the ask! Thanks again! And you're an amazing writer!

byakuya dealing with his s/o's lack of motivation

trigger warning: panic attacks, hurt/comfort, byakuya being mean

I needed this myself, to be honest. It's nice to see something like this in my inbox, I love writing this sorta thing. I need motivation a lot at the time, so yeah. This is sure to kickstart it.

- Mod Anna

As you sat in the library, tears streaming down your face, you stared at the papers that needed to be done. The knot in your throat only seemed to get bigger and bigger as you thought about what had happened earlier. You were an idiot.

“Why haven't you completed the assignment? I've been asking you kindly for the past few days. It was due last week,” Byakuya reminded you for about the millionth time that day, not letting up on you. You appreciated his worry, but it had to stop.

You snapped. “I'm trying! I've been trying! I-I know that it was due, but I just can't get my mind straight to write down anything on the paper! I-I just can't-”

“Look. I've tried everything I can to help you, and if you aren't even going to listen to me, I'm going to excuse myself,” Byakuya scoffed, beginning to walk towards the door. He adjusted his glasses, turning the door knob before looking back at you. “You did this to yourself.”

Sobs continued to fill the room from that moment forward. It had been about thirteen hours since he scolded you, and you felt as though your entire body was closing in on you. The fear of him hating you, the anxiety about this stupid paper, the look in his eye when he walked away. It was like all the progress you had made with him was just ... wiped away.

You were so tired. Tired of the crying, tired of feeling so unmotivated. Thoughts couldn't stop coming and all you wanted to do was be in Byakuya's arms, feel his warmth, and just make all the bad things go away. Why couldn't they just go away?

Byakuya couldn't help but feel guilty. The way he spoke to you was completely out of turn, he was reverting to his old ways. Taking a deep breath, he knew he was going to have to swallow his pride. He knocked on the door and slowly opened it, revealing you, passed out at the desk, presumably from sobbing.

He let out a sigh, although that couldn't possibly amount to everything he was feeling at the moment. He swallowed thickly before gathering all of your papers and computer, stacking them carefully. He slipped them into your bag before putting it over his shoulder. And then, he picked you up bridal style and carried you back to his room.

Sitting all of the stuff aside, he laid you on his bed and covered you up carefully. He didn't want to disturb you, it was probably the only sleep you've had in days. He planted a kiss to your forehead before walking over to his desk and scribbling onto one of the pieces of paper carefully.

The next morning, you woke up to Byakuya bringing you breakfast. Of course, you were confused, but he cut you off. “I spoke too harshly to you yesterday. I know that I had made a mistake, quite a large one. So I took the liberty of doing some things for you. Here's your favorite breakfast and a glass of water ... and there is an outline to your paper drafted. I thought it was only the right move, considering that's what made me yell at you in the first place ... I apologize greatly, S/O. I can only hope that you forgive me.”

“Byakuya ... you don't have to take all of the blame, I was in the wrong too! I was the one who didn't get the paper done-”

“I knew exactly what was wrong, but I didn't do anything. At all. I just pushed you, and pushed you, and ... I was insensitive. So from now on, I'm going to be by your side to help you get these papers done. I will help you with anything you need, my love. Anything.”

A soft sigh escaped your lips as you gazed up into his eyes. You carefully sat the breakfast on the bedside table before opening your arms. He carefully leaned down, engulfing you in a hug. He carefully pressed a kiss against your temple, whispering in your ear. “You're doing just fine, dear. I promise.”

#byakuya togami #byakuya togami x reader #byakuya x reader #danganronpa byakuya #togami byakuya #danganronpa #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #danganronpa fanfiction #danganronpa x reader #danganronpa thh #drthh #thh #dr1 #danganronpa 1 #one shots! | 💙#headcannon! | 💙#anons! | 💎#request complete! | ☁️

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messwithideas · 4 years

Text

Already Gone pt. 2

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader Words: ~3.2K

[A/N: english isn’t my “mother language” so i’m sorry if there’s mistakes, typos, or it doesn’t make any sense, i’m sorry…]

Part 1

All of you three were walking all around the town, just killing time. As you were walking on a quiet street, a big tree got your attention. Even it was a really big tree, maybe the biggest in the island, it wasn’t the reason what made you slow down a little bit. You saw a glimpse of a really familiar red cap. You slowed your speed so much that you stopped and John B, Pope or Kie didn’t notice you leaving behind.

You looked at the tree and you felt how your heart was beating warmness for the first time after couple months. You tilted your head a little bit to your right. “JJ?” you said under your breath and started to get a little bit existed. ”JJ!” you yelled out of nowhere and started to run and your yell made John B, Pope and Kie turn around. ”Y/N?” Pope asked and all of them saw you running towards the huge tree. But as you arrived to the tree, there was nothing. “What?” you breathed and a hollow feeling got back in your heart and your sight started to get blurry. “Y/N what was that?” Kie asked when they came to you. “I-I…” you looked around. “I thought I-“ a sob came out quietly. John B walked to you, put his arm around you and turned you away. ”Let’s get you home, okay?” he said and you nodded with tears in your eyes. You looked over your shoulder and saw the big, old tree standing there alone. “I thought I saw him…” you smiled down and John B pulled you closer. Pope and Kie made eye contact with John B, who looked at the tree a little bit allusive.

JJ had his hand on his mouth and was holding his breath. He wasn’t sure when to move but when he wasn’t hearing your breaking voice anymore, he peaked his head out carefully from behind a bush and sighed for relief. “Fucking hat” he looked up, took the red cap from his head and hurled it on the ground and buried his face in his hands. “Fuck” he breathed. He knew it was a bad idea to appear to the places where all of you were walking around.

“I think I’m going crazy” you said as you walked through the chateau. “Don’t say that” Pope said and you all took a sit on the back porch. “Well did you see anything? Did you see the red trucker cap of his?” your eyes turned frighten and everyone shook their heads. “That what I thought so… I’m losing my mind. I’m seeing glimpses of him in every corner and places where he’s not suppose to be. I can’t stop thinking about him and sometimes I can hear his scoffing… Soon I’m gonna see him truly” you started hyperventilating and John B sat next to you and closed you in to his arms, again. “I have no control anymore…” you sobbed and buried your face in his chest. It was heart breaking to John B, Pope and Kie to see how you were losing your hope on JJ not coming back. The first month after he fled, you wished, dreamed and prayed every night that you would find him next to you, but every time you woke up, eyes swollen and hollow hearted, there was no one next to you. Only a cold, empty spot.

You cried yourself to sleep, Kie and Pope had gone to their homes and John B was watching over you –since JJ left, you didn’t want to stay at your own home because it brought way too many memories of JJ and if you stepped inside, you couldn’t get yourself out there anymore and your parents wouldn’t let you go because they were concerned about you and your wellbeing. But they knew where you were staying the nights and they knew how important you friends were to you, so they didn’t demand you to come home –John B, Kie and Pope gave you the best support in many things, better than your own parents. John B tiptoed to the door, throw a jacket on him and looked over his shoulder to you, making sure you were sleeping and sneaked out of the chateau. He walked quickly, looking to his left and right, and behind, making sure that he wasn’t followed. He arrived to the big old tree where you thought you saw JJ. He waited and waited, and soon he heard a branch snapping on half under a shoe and soon there came the blonde from the darkness. Without saying anything to each other, John B threw his arms around him and hugged him tight. “Where the fuck you’ve been JJ?” he breathed to JJ’s neck. “I’m sorry man” JJ breathed. They both let go and after taking one step backwards, John B slapped JJ’s head. “What was that for?” he whined and held his head. “You know exactly what for” John B bit his teeth and JJ looked at him confused. “Cut that I-don’t-know-anything-about-anything –bullshit… It was a stupid move” and JJ already put his head down. “You know how she has been and you don’t want to make her worse, you know that” JJ started to feel guilty. “She’s scared that she’s ending up in an asylum by seeing you everywhere. And you know how hard is to tell her that it’s just her grief what is making her to see you, even everything what she sees is true” John B spitted and JJ avoided his best friend’s eyes –and avoided tears getting to his eyes by biting his bottom lip. “It hurts me, deeply and hard when I had to lie to her” John B breathed heavily. “She loves you, you love him. We love you, you love us. All of us care about you” he put his arms on JJ’s shoulder and caught his reddish and apologizing eyes looking at him. “Why won’t you just come back?” John B threw him a small smile. “I-I can’t…” JJ mumbled and put his head down. “Why? Why the fuck you can’t?” John B started to shake him. “Why did you even left if you want to be seen? We can see you every day, sneaking around and leaving clues that you’re here” John B started to rise his voice and JJ had to back away from him and his arms. “JJ, we need some answers” but he didn’t say anything. “She needs to know” John B started to calm. “She needs to know that she’s not losing her mind” and JJ nodded approving but scared. “Just… Just do something. I know you can do it” John B said after little silence and tapped JJ’s shoulder and soon they both separated.

Days flew and you were still slightly confused did you mind really played trick with you or was it really JJ and his red trucker cap what you saw. You started to get so hopeless and unmotivated that you couldn’t get up from the bed. You would just stare the ceiling and the wall all day long. Even John B, Pope and Kie tried their best to get you up and do some activities, you just couldn’t do anything and it broke your heart and soul. They tried anything just to make you feel better. “We’re gonna go to the march” John B walked to the back porch and looked over you while you were sinking deeper and deeper into one of the chairs. You muttered something and he already knew you weren’t coming with them. He was almost leaving the porch, but he stopped and turned around. “It’s going to be okay someday” he said but you didn’t move a muscle. “He will come back” and you sighed. “How do you know that?” you muffled. “I know JJ. He will come back. He always does” John B threw a quick, comforting smile to you. “But do me a one favor” and you put your tired eyes on him. “Get some air, please” his smiled turned into sweet. “I’m already getting some air” you looked all around the porch but he rolled his eyes. “I mean go for a walk, or something” he hymned and you waved your hand to him to leave already. As John B had left, you couldn’t lay on your place much longer because your back and legs started to ache. It was time to move a little bit. You growled up and slouched outside but not knowing you weren’t alone –JJ was around.

“So he’s really here?” Pope asked and John B nodded. “He’s been here a month” and he started to slow down the boat. “A month? One whole month?” Kie shouted. “How long you’ve been knowing?” and John B tried to calm her down. “Just couple days. I saw him in that same second as Y/N saw his red hat” he said as he turned the engine off on HMS Pogue. “Did he say why he left?” Pope asked but John B shook his head. “What is going on with him…” Kie sighed. “But I told him that Y/N has to know that her eyes haven’t been lying to her” he said and walked to the boat’s deck where Kie and Pope were lying. “So, I said to him that she’s gonna be alone tonight at chateau” he took his shirt off and dove into the water. “And you believe he’s gonna do something?” Kie asked over the deck as John B came to the surface. “Of course he’s gonna do” he shook his head to get his hair away from his face. “Or I wish he would do something” he mumbled and dove again.

You were heading back to the house from your little walk and as you were slouching on the dry path way, you noticed something on the ground, close at the front door. It was something that didn’t belong to the nature. It was something red, something noticeable. You walked slowly to the odd object. You kneeled down and took it to you hand. It was JJ’s cap. Your heart skipped a beat and you looked to your right and left. No one. You got up and span around. Still no one in nowhere. “This is it. I’ve lost my mind” you chuckled restlessly, trying not to freak out as you were holding his cap. You started to breath quietly and concentrate to the nature to hear was there something abnormal in the symphony, but there were all the same nature symphonies as always. You looked at the dirty and dusty red cap in your hand and turned it around, and even smelled it –just making sure that it was real object in your hand. You still didn’t believe it and you believed that your dream was really realistic -like lucid dreaming gone out of control- so you decided to pinch yourself awake. “Oh shit” you hissed as you sank your fingernails in to your skin. It hurt. It made a little mark to stay on your arm. You didn’t wake up. It was real. You knew that John B, Pope and Kie, all of them were at the sea, your parents were at work, but somehow you felt that there was someone with you, and were having eyes on you. You span around one more time but didn’t see anyone. “I hate this place” you chuckled when you started to get goosebumps. You took the last step up to the front porch but noticed that the door was open -you always close the door and lock it when you’re alone and leave the house. Now it was unlocked and fully open. You started to feel threatened and the adrenaline flowing through your body. You had been taught to always have something with you to protect yourself; a knife, a pepper spray or a flashlight. You bent down slowly, still having your eyes inside to the house and took a little pocket knife out of your shoe and open it silently. You tiptoed carefully inside and had a really good hold on the knife as you walked through the kitchen to the back porch’s door, but before you opened the door, you saw something on the knob. It was a bandana. Black and white bandana, just like JJ’s. “Please someone wake me” now you started to get more scared. You took the bandana to your hand and felt it was warm and slightly sweaty -it had been worn recently. You pushed the door open carefully and tried to sneak to the porch, but the door was old and rusty so of course its hinges creaked loudly. You hid in your shoulder and shut your eyes as the creak wasn’t ending. “Shit” you bit you teeth. The door stopped, so the creaking and you opened your eyes and started to look around but there was nothing or no one. No movement, no life, only the dust flowing in the air. You started to walk towards the shore but turned around immediately realizing it would be was of time. When you were back on the porch you suddenly heard something coming inside from the house. You went inside quietly and walked towards to the noise, being ready to attack. But as soon as you arrived to the kitchen and made eye contact with a mouse, you put your knife down, frowned your face of disgust and watched how the mouse went down from the counter and ran back to its hole. You sighed, turned on your heel and decided to go back to the porch, but as soon as you stepped on the wood floor and turned left, you started to feel really uncomfortable. Your back shivered, adrenaline started to flow faster in you and took a really good and tight grip on your knife and waited it to approach you. You felt how a hand was coming to take grip on your shoulder and you decided to attack. You turned around, grabbed the approaching hand and swung your knife, making the attacker back off. “The fuck Y/N?” and blood started to drop on the floor. “JJ the fuck?” you gasped when you noticed you’d actually slit his arm slightly open. “You could’ve stabbed me in my chest” the voice chuckled from fear. “What the-“ you opened your mouth but suddenly there didn’t come anything out anymore. It felt like someone had ripped your vocal cords out of your throat. Your eyes got wide open, frightened, shocked and watery as you looked at him. You took way too much air in, just to try make your brain work but nothing happened. You lose the grip on your pocket knife and it dropped on the floor, making JJ jump a little bit. “JJ?” you finally got something out of your mouth but with a broken voice. “Is- Is that really you?” you took one step closer and felt how your tears were ready to be fallen down. He was looking at his bloody hand as his other hand was holding the wound, trying to make the bleeding stop. He didn’t want to look at you because he knew he couldn’t handle your broken but hopeful eyes, but he saw you getting closer and closer to him. “Please say something, just to make sure that this isn’t my mind playing with me” you chuckled quickly but you couldn’t keep the smile on your lips. Luckily JJ nodded and you breathed happily –but worried- out. You didn’t know should you jump into his arms, hit him, yell at him or just burst into tears, but you decided to back off and have a sit but somehow you started to feel dizzy and JJ noticed this. “You okay?” he asked concern as he saw you swinging on your stand. “I-I uh…” you stuttered with your words and took one, stumble step backwards. “Hold up” JJ said and took a hold on you, not letting you to crash down. “Yeah, I catchya” he grunted while having your whole weight on his other arm as his other arms was bleeding to death. JJ put you to sit down but didn’t sit with you. “I’ll get some water, okay? Stay there” he went inside, leaving a little blood trail, and came back with little first aid kit and a water bottle. He sat down next to you, gave the bottle to you and started to clean his wound but it was hopeless to watch. You’d got your head together and when you started to see everything clearly, you looked to you left and saw how JJ was struggling with the cleaning. “Gimme that” you said and took the cloth from his hand and started to clean the wound, what you unfortunately had made.

He whined when you cleaned the wound with rubbing alcohol and he complained when the bandage was “too tight”. “What a baby” you snorted in your head as he kept whining. You kept rolling the bandage around the wound when you noticed he breathed in. He cleared his throat softly but you didn’t look at him even you felt his eyes were on you. “I shouldn’t have left like that” he kept looking at you as you ended patching his arm. He took his arm carefully to his side and you crossed your hands together and rested them on your lap. “I’m sorry” he said after a long break and you breathed silently. “I know I hurt you and other, I even hurt myself. But I really don’t know why I fled like that, I really don’t know…” JJ kept apologizing and stuttering with his words but you weren’t listening him at all after he said the word sorry. Even he kept talking and talking about nonsense, you already knew he was sorry by his tone in his voice. It was deep, shaky and broken. “You know” you stopped him in the middle of his words. “I really don’t care why you left anymore” and he looked at you confused, swiped wet face a little. “You’re here and that’s all what I want right now” you looked at him and took his face to your hands and pulled him into kiss. The kiss broke and you saw how confused and a little bit scared JJ was. “Did you see a ghost?” you started to joke around already, but he shook his head and wasn’t laughing. “You’re not mad?” he asked and you looked at him sweetly. “I was never mad. I was just desperate for not knowing the reason why you left” and he smiled down. “But I really thought I was going to spend the rest of my life in an asylum while seeing your red cap behind the tree, the same cap and bandana at here” you chuckled and so did JJ. “Sorry about that” he rubbed his neck. “I had to do something to get your attention. I couldn’t just pop out to the door and be like Sup bros I’m back!” he laughed and smiled at you apologizing. “But will you forget me?” he asked, starting to hide in his shoulders. “Of course” you smiled and pulled him into one more kiss.

#jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank fic #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank fanfic #jj #jj x reader #jj imagine #rudy pankow #rudy pankow x reader #rudy pankow imagine #outer banks #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks imagine #obx

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apenapaperandadoofus · 4 years

Note

hiii 🥺

school started around a month ago for me and its been stressful so may i ask for some comfort headcanons of the rfa + v, saeran and rika and how theyd comfort a reader who is struggling with adhd/add and feels useless because they cant get anything done and keep getting distracted bdkdjhdjevejjdheue

Ahh I got chu, it happens to me all the time with literally e v e r y t h i n g

AND can I just say I luv how we included Rika in here :3 I absolutely love writing her character when she's actually mentally and emotionally stable, she would be one heck of a partner 😆

RFA+minor duo+Rika comforting a stressed reader (Part 1!) I'll post the other parts soon!

Zen:

The two of you had been fairly busy with work and school, only having dinner time to spend together. Still, Zen didn't fail to notice that you seemed to be feeling a lot more down lately.

He tried asking about how your schoolwork was going, to see if you wanted any help, but you just quietly mumbled a no and changed the subject.

Zen couldn't help the frown that appeared on his face, but he decided to not say anything until you were ready to talk. He still made sure you were taking care of yourself though, and tried to help you with any chores around the house.

Eventually one night, he was on the couch, trying to memorize a few of his lines, until you came in the room quietly and straddled him, hugging him tightly.

"Y/N? Is everything alright?" He asked, his tone worried, and you only sighed, tightening your grip on his neck.

"I can't focus on school. I keep trying to do my work but I just...I can't. And the project is due in a few days and I haven't even started. Zenny...I don't know what to do." You sobbed and Zen felt his heart clench. He pulled you away gently and held your face, caressing your cheek.

"It's alright. I'm glad you asked me for help. I know how hard school can be sometimes, how stressful it is, but I want you to know that you can always ask for my help alright? Now why don't we go and try to work on that assignment of yours, I'll be more than happy to help you."

You smiled. "Really Zen? Thank you. I love you."

He chuckled and kissed your nose before standing up and carrying you towards your bedroom princess style. He tried his best to answer any questions you had, but it turned out he didn't really know about the subject and you had to call the RFA for help, BUT you managed to finish the work in time and got a pretty good grade! Zen spun you around in circles when you told him, and then he kissed you to congratulate you!

Yoosung:

Oh the stress it is to be a college student. Especially if your partner is a college student too, and the two of you always get distracted by one thing or another.

Yoosung and you had been together for a while, and you managed to make him want to change, to become a better person. He started doing his assignments in time, and stopped playing as much LOLOL. For him homework seemed to be easy as heck.

For you though? You wanted to throw yourself out the window. Everytime you sat down to do your work, you suddenly got this urge to read, or use or phone, or paint or even learn how to play the cello for some reason. You seemed to want to do anything else but homework, and so, your once messy house suddenly became spotless. You had been cleaning for hours, everytime you finished something exclaiming that oh, the kitchen is actually pretty dirty, or the floor could use some vacuuming.

Yoosung had been a bit stressed from his work to notice at first, but at one point he looked up from the table to see you furiously mopping the floor for the 5th time that day. He wouldn't have thought anything of it except that, you had an expression of anxiety and stress on your face, and he also knew you absolutely hated cleaning, so clearly something was wrong.

He stood up and gently took the mop from you. "MC? Are you alright?"

You slowly looked up at Yoosung and let out a forced chuckle. "Of course I am! Why wouldn't I be?"

Your boyfriend raised an eyebrow and looked around the house. "You're cleaning."

"So? It was getting dirty and I-"

"MC you hate cleaning. C'mon, what's going on? You can talk to me!" He had a determined look on his face and you felt yourself smile as you saw how adorable he looked. But then once you remembered why you were cleaning in the first place, your smile faded and you sighed.

"I'm just....I haven't been doing any work for school. Whenever I try to, my mind suddenly wants to do another completely different task, I just can't focus on anything and that is only making me feel worse because I know that the work is due soon, but I still haven't done anything and it just- it makes me feel so bad and stressed so now I'm just panicking about everything!" You started pacing around the room quickly, speaking faster and faster. You kept doing it until Yoosung get to grabbed you by the shoulders.

"Whoa whoa, alright let's just calm down, just take a deep breath alright? Breathe in, and breathe out, we can't solve anything if you're panicking....are you feeling better now?"

After you did what Yoosung had told you, you slowly looked up at him and nodded. He gave you a reassuring smile.

"Good! It's normal for you to feel stressed like that...I understand, I've been in your position far too many times to count. In fact, if I had a dollar for every time that's happened to me then I'd be richer than Jumin"

You giggled and Yoosung chuckled. "Anyway the thing is, next time this happens please tell me, alright? If you ever feel stressed or anxious, just know that I'm here for you. You're an amazing person, you're so smart and beautiful, this is just a little bump on the road. Now, why don't we go and start working on your project hmm? I promise I'll be there to help you, and make sure you're working of course!"

You hesitantly nodded, still a bit nervous about the work, but once you started, you began to feel a bit more confident. Yoosung was there, every now and then letting out some cheers and just helping you on any questions you had.

Thankfully you managed to finish your work in time, and once you were done Yoosung rewarded you by giving you a free cuddle session!

Jaehee:

That woman knew what was going on before you could say anything. She was all too familiar with the look of stress and anxiety from having far so much work.

You were in the kitchen, baking brownies and cookies non-stop. She knew it was something you normally did whenever you were stressed, so she placed her hand on top of yours and said. "MC? Is everything alright?"

You immediately stood up straighter and nervously looked at her. Then, you bit your lip, knowing you couldn't really lie to her. "Uhm....I'm...I'm really not. School has really been taking a toll on me, and I can't seem to do any work. Jaehee I...I feel so useless right now..." You tried your best to breathe and to not break down in from of Jaehee, who was now holding your hand tightly.

"I see....is it about that big project you had been talking about last week? I can help you, if you want....listen to me MC." She gently raised your chin and smiled. "You're an amazing person, don't ever say that you're useless ever again. You're the very opposite of that in fact, you're so important to me and the RFA, I honestly don't know where we would be if it weren't for you. You're a very smart and capable person, and I'm sure soon enough you'll have all of this figured out. Why don't you start working on the project while I clean up over here, and then I can help you with anything you need, is that alright?"

You nodded and Jaehee gently led you to the kitchen table and helped you get your computer. Whenever you'd feel down of unmotivated Jaehee would grab your hand and squeezed it, then she'd help you with anything you were having trouble with and honestly? Jaehee was an amazing teacher, and soon enough you managed to get back on your feet.

Once you were done, the two of you made a victory night! You both baked together and watched musicals and danced around the room. Jaehee also made you some very delicious brownies when you got back your final grade, since you nailed it!

Jumin:

Jumin had just finished signing the last of his documents, and he leaned back in his chair. Ever since you moved in to the penthouse he started working a bit more from home. Of course there'd be days where he'd go, but once in a while he took a few breaks (this man also needs to rest once in a while)

Which is why, he had noticed that lately you had been feeling pretty down. School had just started, and Jumin could tell you were a bit stressed, and super anxious about school.

He was thinking of ways to help you, when suddenly he heard a knock on the door. He looked up to see you opening it a little and looking around, as if asking for permission to come in. He nodded and you quickly walked over to him, straddling his lap.

"Is everything alright love?" He asked, as you ran your hands through his hair.

"Yeah everything is fine. It's great. Really nice. Yup."

He raised and eyebrow and pulled you away so you could look at him better. He looked up at you, and you tried to look anywhere else that wasn't him.

"MC...." He caressed your cheek and glanced at you with a worried expression. "...There's something bothering you, isn't there? Why don't you tell me, and I promise I will try my best to fix it. It pains me to see you like this."

You sighed and slowly looked up at him, biting your lip.

"Well...." You sighed. "I.... I really don't deserve you Jumin...you're so...do amazing and incredible and I'm just...I'm so useless. I can't even do my school work right...." You ducked your head and looked at the ground, feeling ashamed.

Jumin gently lifted your chin and held you tight. "MC....you...how could you say that?" You looked at him in surprise and he only shook his head, and then leaned his forehead against yours. "You are the most intelligent and beautiful person I have ever met. It's so amazing that I get to be with someone as extraordinary as you. MC, you are not useless. Not at all. You are a very capable person, and you never give up, no matter what. School may be really hard right now, but I promise that you will get through it, and I'll be beside you the whole time if you need someone to lean on." He softly kissed you and you immediately felt a load of your back disappear. Itfelt so good to finally tell Jumin how you felt.

"Jumin...." You whispered against his lips, and he smiled.

"My love....everything will be alright, and if you need my assistance please don't be scared to ask. I'd be more that happy to help you."

Yoy wrapped your arms around his neck and smiled. "Oh Jumin! You are so adorable, I feel like my heart will explode from how much I love you! I'll take you up on that offer!"

"But of course my services don't come for free..." He smiled and you chuckled, shaking your head.

"Fair enough, what would you want in exchange?"

He pulled you tighter against his body and whispered in your ear. "I want to stay like this a little longer. Let me hold you for a while."

You blushed and then the two of you pulled away to kiss.

After a while, finally the two of you got down to business to defeat the awful project your teacher had assigned.

You had to admit it was a bit hard, since everytime Jumin would explain something to you you'd suddenly get distracted by how handsome he looked, and you'd pull him in for a kiss in the middle of an explanation.

Somehow you were able to finish the project and you got a good grade! When you try Jumin he picked.you up and spun you around, kissing you passionately. Then he'd smirk and grab you by the hand. "You deserve a prize after all your hard work."

And then he'd lead you to your room and the two of you would cuddle close in bed, the covers around you.

And you'd watch cat videos because thou shall not sin in this house.

(I'm just kidding you totally banged afterwards.)

For Saeyoung I already made a lil one shot with the same situation jsjsjsjs so I'll link it here! For the other characters they'll be posted soon since I don't want the post to be so long sjdjdbdbd

#mystic messenger #jumin han #saeyoung choi #mysme #yoosung kim #jaehee kang #jihyun mysme #saeran choi #choi bois #mysme zen

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satorisoup · 2 months

Note

soso srry 4 bein’ late 2 tell u this but ur bokuto pfp ‘s sooooo cute !!!!! :< I swear he looks like js the softest thing in the word when u draw him !!!! qwq how have u been lene ? :O hope everything & everyone is treating u well <3 mwah !

EEEK XIN MY SWEETIE !! (つω`｡) hihi my precious !! ^_^ m’ soso sorry for the late reply omigosh… please forgive me !! T^T

UWAHHH PLS !! :,> you flatter me sho much teehee !! >//< THANK YOU SOSO MUCH OMIGOODNESS !! that means the absolute world to me sniffle :< i adore kou shosho much, my soft pretty baby SOB !! dis is tha bestest compliment in tha entire WORLD !! T^T i draw kou how i see him through my eyes, so hearin’ dat you see him softly through my art too has me giggling, i swear !! <3

SOBSOB i’ve been good !! ^_^ it’s been pretty busy lately but, i’ve missed bein’ on tumblr more !! T^T i’ve just been a bit unmotivated, bur hopefully i can fix that teehee !! <3 i’ve missed talking to you !! :< THANK YOU SOSO MUCH FOR ASKIN’ MA LOVE !! >.<

WAHHH how are you doing xin ?? is life treating you well ?? i must tell you, i absolutely adore your precious theme teehee !! >//< i’m sending you the bestest wishes EVAAA & m’ huggin’ you soso tightly !! MWUUUAH !! <3 🍓

#SOBSOB YOU’RE THE CUTEST XIN !! T^T #i absolutely cherish you teehee !! <3 #「✉︎」 — a trip to the mailbox .ᐟ #° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . — special delivery from xin .ᐟ

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lancearcherinrippedjeans · 4 years

Text

Moving On

Pairings - Cash Wheeler x Reader, Kenny Omega x Reader

Category - Angsty, Hurt/Comfort

Warnings/Promises - Cussing and cheating

Word Count - 1,462

Summary/Desc - Y/N gets cheated on, so, she tries to move on.

For @kploveswrestling

I was so proud of them. Cash and Dax just made their debut here in AEW, and I was beyond excited. I finally get to work with my longtime boyfriend.

Cash was so good to me, he made me happy, and well, he is my happiness.

I walked to their locker room, when Dax stopped me, “Y/N, uh, I don’t know if you wanna go in there.” I looked at him confused, “Why?”

He looked at the door and back at me, “You just don’t, if you don’t wanna get hurt.” “What? Is he trash talking me or something? Come on Dax, move.” I laughed.

“Please Y/N. I care about you, just please, don’t.”

“If he’s naked I don’t care,” I pushed passed him opening the door, “It’s nothing I haven’t seen befo-” Well, Cash was naked. Just, on top of someone else. He heard my voice, and quickly detached from the girl, quickly putting on some clothes.

“Y/N, it’s not what it looks like.” Cash tried to defend himself, like I hadn’t seen anything. “No I think it’s exactly what it looks like,” I couldn’t even look at him, “You’re throwing away our relationship for some brunette whore?”

“Um I would like to cut in!” She defended herself, cutting in the conversation and putting on her clothes. I looked at her, “Get. Out.” She walked towards the door, “No, Amanda, stay.” He objected.

“Oh so she has a name now?”

“Look, Y/N. It’s getting old. It’s always ‘I’m tired’ ‘not tonight’ ‘I’ve been training all day’. I needed to fill the gaps.” I folded my arms, “So this is over cause I didn’t want to have sex? Really?”

He shrugged. I just nodded, hurt, “Alright, we’re done. If you want to throw it away, then I will too.”

He turned away, “Whatever, you’re not worth my time anyways.” I couldn’t believe what he just said, I had to get out of here.

I walked out the room and bumped into Dax again.

He looked at me with sad eyes, “Y/N I-” “I’m fine. Just, let me leave.”

I walked around him to the women’s locker room, grabbing my stuff and leaving. And before I could leave the general area of the locker room to order my Lyft, before someone else bumped into me. “What the hell man?!” I yelled not even looking at the person before trying to walk away.

Whoever it was grabbed my arm and pulled me back, “Y/N? What is wrong with you?” I moved my hair out my face to see Kenny Omega, worried look on his face. I hadn’t talked to him much, just friendly conversation here and there.

I snatched my arm away, “I don’t want to talk about this okay? I just want to order my Lyft and cry in my hotel room.”

He thought for a second, “You can ride with Adam and I, you know, to pay you back for bumping into you.”

It could be nice, and I wouldn’t have to dump all my problems on some random stranger.

“Alright, do I have to stay any longer?” He shook his head, “No, I was about to leave anyways, Adam is waiting for me outside.”

We headed for parking and Kenny told his tag team partner, “She’s riding with us tonight, hope you don’t mind.” Adam just shrugged and grabbed my back, putting it in the trunk, closing it.

I headed for the backseat when they said I could take shotgun, I tried to object, but it was no use, I buckled up in the passengers seat and got ready for the ride ahead.

“So, Y/N, if you don’t mind me asking,” Kenny looked at me for a split second, “What happened?”

I felt the urge to cry again, but held it in. “Well, uh, I was about to check in on Cash, Dax stopped me. And when I got around him, I found out Cash was cheating on me.”

“What!?” Both men shouted in unison. “I know, I know. I didn’t expect it either.”

“But you two have been together for so long.” Adam said, confused. “Well, that didn’t matter to him.”

Kenny looked over at me, “Y/N you deserve better than that, for sure.” I weakly smiled before turning back to the road, waiting to get to the hotel.

The Next Day

I was woken up by loud banging on my room door. I got up to answer it to see Cash, with flowers. “Y/N, I’m so sorry. What I said, was horrible and what I did was worse. Can we just, try again?”

I took the flowers, “Well, maybe.” I smiled down at them. “Besides, Monica meant nothing to me,” He said grabbing my hands, “I miss you.” I stopped smiling when I realized, he said a completely different name than Amanda, “Monica? I caught you with Amanda?”

“I mean-” I threw the flowers in his face, “So there were multiple women?” I asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“How long have you been sleeping with other women?”

“I don’t know, Y/N, a few months? Can you just let it go?”

I bit back the tears, I couldn’t let him know how much he had hurt me.

“Please, just leave.”

“Wait...is this because of Kenny or Adam?” “What are you even talking about?” “Dax saw you leave with them last night. So what? You’re with one of them now? Is that it?”

“Cash, Adam is married. And Kenny, he was being nice.”

“Sure, like I’ll believe that.” “Oh my gosh just go!”

I managed to get that out without breaking down. “Alright fine, I’m sure Monica or Amanda would be pleased to here that it’s over for good.”

He walked away, without anymore words. I was actually done.

I closed the door and hit my back against it, crying. The only man I had loved for years no longer cares? How could he let me go so quick? I heard and felt a few thuds against my back, “Y/N? It’s Kenny.”

“Go away.” I sobbed out, not wanting to see anyone.

“Please? Open the door?”

I let out a breathe and decided to open the door. He offered a comforting smile and held up a bag, I don’t know what’s in it, but I’m probably gonna find out.

“I thought I would hang out with you for a bit, and y’know, try and help you feel better.” I smiled back and let him in, closing the door right after.

He sat on my bed, waiting for me to sit next to him. I did, reluctantly. He started taking things out the bag. He handed me a pint of ice cream and a small bear. I cracked a small smile and thanked him.

“Now, you wanna talk about it a bit?”

I sighed and slammed my head down on the pillow, having to explain how I actually felt. “I just don’t get it. He’s throwing years down the drain. I don’t understand. Is there something wrong with me? I mean, I bet those girls were beautiful. I guess I can’t blame him,” I felt tears rolling down my cheeks, “And I-I don’t know if I can move on. He was my everything. I can’t let go.”

He grabbed my hand, “Y/N there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re amazing from what I’ve seen. You’re funny, nice, beautiful and a 10/10 that he apparently just can’t realize. And there’s probably a line of people that would love to have your heart.”

“But Kenny-”

“Don’t object! Cause I’m right, and I don’t get how you don’t see it! Cash is a fucking idiot. He can go fuck whoever he wants but they’ll never be Y/N L/N.”

I looked up at him, tears still in my eyes, “You really mean that?”

“Of course I do.”

I couldn’t comprehend what I was hearing, so I just sat up and hugged him. Kenny really was a good guy.

Time Skip

He was hanging out with me for a few hours, “I gotta head out gotta talk to Adam about some things.”

I was kinda sad, but it’s fine, “Oh okay, I’ll walk you out.”

I walked him to the door but he hesitated, “Y/N, are you free Saturday?” “Uh yeah, why?”

“Well, I learned more about you today than I ever have, so, I want to take you out, you know, like a date.”

I was so happy by what I was hearing, I perked up, acting like I wasn’t stunned, “Uh, yeah. Sounds great.” “Well alright. See you Saturday.”

“See you then, bye.” He walked out, closing the door behind him.

Well, I guess I have a date Saturday. And better yet, I get to move on. To a man who is actually worth it.

BLEH I HATE THE ENDING. Butttt I hope you enjoyed, this stressed me out cause I was soooooooo busy and unmotivated this week/last week.

#cash wheeler #cash wheeler x reader #Kenny Omega #kenny omega x reader #aew fanfic #AEW #aew fanfiction #aew x reader #Smut #angst #fluff #parker's masterlist

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pretty-rad-arson-dad · 5 years

Note

hey what if. what if Henry. went looking for charlie the night she was murdered. and found William. in the act--? ~Taco

Sorry for the late response! I’ve gotten a bit busy lately and have been feeling a bit unmotivated. Anyways, here you go!

-----------------------------------------------------

“Oh god... William, what did you do...?”

William watched as Henry backed away from him, a smile plastered onto his face. He rubbed his bloodied hands on his soaking pants and approached Henry.

“Youu... I didn’t know you were here....” he mumbled.

Henry continued to back away from him. “Stay back! I’ll-”

William growled and grabbed Henry’s arm, yanking him forward. “You’re staying here-”

Henry let out a sob as he was pulled against William’s chest. He weakly tried to shove at him, but his arms just trembled, feeling like putty.

“Stop it now-” William mumbles, pressing his lips against Henry’s forehead as he gently traced his fingers along Henry’s chin before he harshly gripped it and forced Henry to look up at him before forcefully kissing him. Henry let out a muffled scream and shoved himself away from William, then began hitting at him.

“DON’T TOUCH ME! DON’T TOUCH ME! DON’T TOUCH ME!”

William growled and grabbed Henry by his hair. “That’s it! I’ve tried to be nice-” He yanked Henry towards him again. Henry continued to try and hit William.

“I TOLD YOU TO STOP!” William shouted, throwing Henry against the wall of the pizzaria. Henry fell to the ground and looked up at William, who quickly grabbed Henry’s hair again. “YOU NEVER LISTEN! IT’S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, ISN’T IT?!”

Before Henry could even reply, William smashed Henry’s head into the wall. Henry struggled against him.

“I LOVED YOU AND YOU JUST TOSSED ME ASIDE!”

Again, he smashed Henry’s head into the wall. He began to bleed. Henry’s struggling became more frantic.

“YOU SAID YOU CARED ABOUT ME!”

“W-WILL PLEASE!”

The blood began to trickle down the back of Henry’s head and down his neck.

“YOU’RE A LIAR!!!”

The blood dripped down into the puddles of rain. Henry’s movements became weak.

William slammed Henry’s head against the wall one final time before letting go of his hair. Henry slumped down against the wall. He could feel the wetness of the blood and rain running down his back. He felt nauseous now... Dizzy... And his head ached.

He tried to move his head to look up at William once again, just so he could see what the other man was doing. Just so he would know that William wasn’t going to hurt him again... And yet, he found he couldn’t move his head.

He let out a few labored breaths and let his eyes slowly close. He felt tired now.

Maybe if I just take a quick nap, I’ll wake up and it’ll all just be a bad dream...

#FNAF #fanfic #William Afton #Henry Emily #Willry???#Yeah sure I'll tag it as that #Also it's up to you if you want to interpret the ending as Henry dying or not #Sorry this took so long to do

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wexhappyxfew · 4 years

Note

Hi 💛 of course I had to stop by eheh what gives you motivation when you feel down? You want to write but you have little motivation, how do you cope with that?

linda omg HELLO QUEEN! and aw thank you, thank you so so much for even sending in the ask, you know i always appreciate these little asks, knowing maybe i can give advice, help or happiness!!! thank you so much <3

Something I feel that gives me motivation is, and I love this with all my heart, is actually watching Disney movies!! I have watched Tangled TOO MANY TIMES TO COUNT, as well as a bunch of other lovely Disney movies, such as Mulan > which is actually one of my favorites just because there’s so many beautiful quotes and I just love the entire message of the film :) Or the Lion King - I sob like a baby. OR POCAHONTAS - even though the story is not true to the actual tale, the songs make me SOB. I swear anything Disney makes me cry - don’t get me started on Frozen. And Disney for me has just always been a comfort and I’m sure many people can agree, because you feel loved, you feel involved, I just can’t describe the emotion I feel with Disney, and just watching their movies helps brighten my day and get me just a lil more motivated because then I feel so profoundly inspired - I SOOOO recommend!! Disney is just straight up so inspirational <3

So when I know I want to write but I only have a little motivation, it’s actually when I start creating posts here on tumblr, asking for questions so maybe I could give writing tips, inspiration, behind the scenes on characters and personalities and friendships, just the little things like that :) Or sometimes, I tell myself, okay, you want to write, but have no motivation - don’t force yourself because for me the writing usually comes out bad and then I end up deleting it and feeling worse. So I’ve been telling myself, take a break, read a book, go outside, drink some water and keep hydrated, do something other than writing to let your brain rest and think for a bit before going back because sometimes it is simply just burnout from writing for me! And then by the next day I’m usually good to go, but I SOOO get the feeling of that, but these are just a few of the things I do. But most importantly, step away and make it better for yourself, let the brain think, review and then approach it again - it always helps me out!

linda i can not describe how much i loved answering these questions truly!! disney has always been a comfort because it’s like you’re in a little family of all these wonderful characters and movies and show, and especially the motivation question, i always feel that when you are unmotivated just step back and give yourself some time, because writing should be something you look forward to and is fun and just something you enjoy!!! thank you so so much <3

#writing help!#DISNEY IS SO INSPIRATIONAL #writing tips #writing asks #ask anything you want!! <3

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ephemeral-afterlight · 5 years

Text

Day 30: Recovery

(We'll bring you back to life.)

Whumptober 2019 Day 30: Recovery

Word Count: 5766

Relationships: D(LAMPR)/DR. PAL (platonic)

Warnings: Suicide attempt aftermath (it isn't really talked about much, but it is mentioned), not unsympathetic Patton but he is kind of an asshole in this and he sees the error of his ways (hopeful ending), Remus-typical disturbing/violent language, angry confrontation, mentions of a scar/violent altercation, mentions/implications of brainwashing, cursing

A/N: I AM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT. i meant to get this out in time and then i had a really bad bit of writer's block and got super unmotivated, but... anyway, enough excuses! i really hope this makes up for the wait, if even a little bit. this is a direct sequel to day 1: shaky hands (bringing it full circle babey!!!!) and it is the longest one yet! pls enjoy hehe~

When Deceit wakes up, he realizes three things simultaneously. One, it’s fucking cold, so cold that he can’t feel his hands or feet. Two, his head feels like it was just run over by a truck, like his brain got melted into mush and now he can barely think properly. Three, he’s not dead. He knows he’s not dead, he’s not gone, because Logan is sitting in a chair across the room quietly reading a book. If Deceit had truly succeeded, Logan wouldn’t be here, and he wouldn’t have woken up at all.

Shit.

“Wh… What happened? Why’m I not gone?” Deceit asks hoarsely, words slurred and throat gravelly from disuse. Much of his existence has been defined by his innate ability to repulse people, to scare them and push them away, so it’s more than a shock for him when Logan glances up from his book and gives him a small smile. That warm look is always reserved for the others, the ones who actually deserve it, so seeing it directed towards himself steals the breath from his lungs.

“You’re awake, I see. Are you in any pain?” Logan asks as he strides over to stand in front of where Deceit is lying propped up on a stack of pillows. He raises his hand to check for a fever, the backs of his fingers a warm balm on cool skin. When he detects nothing unusual, Logan tucks a loose strand of hair behind Deceit’s ear, tilts his head and listens with rapt attention as Deceit describes his points of pain (throat, stomach, head). The care he’s being given is so unexpected, and surreal, and Deceit is almost desperate to keep receiving it. He doesn’t remember the last time he had any kind of affection directed towards him, the last time someone cared enough to ask if he was okay. It’s odd, yet addicting in a way.

“Why aren’t I… should’a died,” Deceit whispers as his brows pull in, an unmistakably sad look echoing in his distant eyes. It doesn’t feel like there’s much else to say when his legs curl up to meet his chin, when he gazes ruefully at the blankets in front of him, and yet Logan somehow knows how to quell even a little bit of the turbulence in Deceit’s mind. He just sighs and sits on the bed, adjusts his glasses, and clears his throat with restlessness barely hidden below a mask of indifference.

“Roman found you in the tub. We immediately got to work caring for you and attempting to keep you alive, however you fell into a coma, which is obviously irreversible when the injury is self-inflicted. You have been asleep for approximately three weeks, and it… has been, well. Chaotic, for lack of a better term. As you did not die, there was no replacement to act in your stead, but since you were not awake to properly facilitate your function, Thomas was unable to employ your trait at all. It caused a lot of havoc, you know,” Logan says softly, exhaustion clear in his face and voice. A gentle finger wraps around one of Deceit’s own, holding it in a gesture of comfort, a promise. “I’m… I apologize for not saying anything that day, for not stopping Patton. I should not have been so cowardly as to enable the casting away of such an important side.”

And though Logan’s voice is thick, his sentiment remains steady, a quiet regret laced in the atonement that’s just as heavy as the tears building in Deceit’s eyes. He never thought in a million years that Logan would ever apologize to him, that anyone would ever care enough about him to feel guilty. It tears through him like a whirlwind, switching back and forth between joy and grief so quickly it’s causing a migraine to poke tauntingly behind his eyes.

“Logan that’s… s’not your fault. You didn’t wanna get hurt, and that’s good. I’m glad you didn’t. I’m… ‘m self-preservation-- not just for me and Thomas, but for you sides 's well. You getting mistreated would be far more painful than anything I’ve had to endure,” Deceit mumbles, wet eyes shining as he finally raises his head to meet Logan’s sorrowful scrutiny. Logan swallows hard as he moves his fingers to thread through Deceit’s own, unusual tactility breathing in a space meant for rest. His posture is tense, a sure sign of discomforted remorse, and it takes all of Deceit’s effort not to reach forward and gather him in a protective hug.

“It’s not an excuse, though. I still shouldn’t have allowed them to push you out like that, should’ve tried harder to get them to understand how valuable and important you are to Thomas. Like you are to me,” Logan stresses, and Deceit’s breath catches in his throat. He… does he really care that much? He thinks Deceit is important even when Deceit doesn’t believe that himself? That he’s of value? That… that he isn’t worthless?

And Logan has never been one for brevity, has always been ready to go on tangents of information and explanations and reassurance. He always clarifies things, breaks them down to the true basics to expose them for what they really are. He teaches, and cultivates minds and knowledge, and he’s so incredibly fascinating to watch. His mind is mesmerizing, the way he forms his thoughts so clearly and concisely that it’s impossible to have things be lost in translation.

“You keep Thomas safe, Deceit. You are his verbal shield, of sorts, what gives him the ability to protect himself and others. You strive for him to better himself and to do things for himself. You allow him to treat himself kinder, let him live easier without so much stress and responsibility and exhaustion. Although I don’t agree with some of your viewpoints, you only want what’s best for Thomas and will fight for it despite everyone pushing back on you anyway. You’re the only one of us who is truly alone and yet you’re brave enough to face the scorn just so that you can do your best to help Thomas. I… I admire you, Deceit. You are much stronger than I could ever be. It’s why you can’t leave us. I know selfishness is in your nature, and wanting to disappear is understandable given the circumstances of your existence, but… Thomas can’t function properly without you. He’s almost lost three friends just this week, which would only be detrimental to his mental and emotional state. We need you to stay. I need you to stay.”

And, well, if an immeasurably vulnerable Deceit is only able to burst out into tears, bury his sobs in the fabric of Logan’s button-up shirt while they both rock soothingly back and forth, then maybe it was time to really, truly let go.

To Deceit’s surprise, the second person he sees after waking up is Virgil. Logan has apparently allowed Deceit to stay in his room throughout the duration of his slumber, but Deceit is seriously starting to miss his pet snake, Ethel, so he managed to convince Logan to let him switch to his own bedroom. It’s odd to walk after not moving at all for weeks, so leaning on Logan’s shoulder for support is crucial to making sure he doesn’t fall over and take a nose dive into the floor.

It’s in the hallway that they run into the anxious side, and where Deceit is sure he’s about to get yelled at or something. Although they had been close in childhood, once Virgil left them, his attitude flipped like a switch for no apparent reason. For a long time, Deceit wondered what he did, thought that Virgil’s hate was warranted, but now… although he still doesn’t truly believe he belongs with anyone, he’s done throwing a pity party for himself. He didn’t do anything wrong, has never done anything to purposely harm Virgil, and hell if he’s gonna let the other side's scalding remarks poke holes in his self-esteem.

“D… Deceit?” Virgil breathes when he sees them, stops in his tracks and hides further in his hood. Logan looks at Deceit questioningly, as if telling him that he will absolutely walk right past Virgil without a word if Deceit wanted him to, and it’s so reassuring that Deceit immediately feels a thousand times more ready to finally face this. “You’re actually awake.”

“Yeah. I am,” Deceit says, and then he realizes that he needs to say this now before he loses his courage again. A sigh escapes him as he rubs his eye tiredly, and Logan squeezes his waist comfortingly. “I’m not leaving, Virgil. I don’t know what your problem is with me, I don’t know why you hate me so much when we used to be best friends, and I don’t know what I did to you that was so awful that you have to fight with me every time I’m around. I don’t. But I’m tired of spending night after night crying to myself and wondering what I did wrong. I think… I think it’s time for me to ask what you did wrong, and I don’t know if I can really forgive you for the things you’ve said to me right now. But I’m here, and I’m staying for good, and you’re gonna have to learn to get over that because I’m seriously getting sick of feeling like I'm not good enough for you.”

Wow. That little rant made him feel the best he has felt in a long time. Although he’s pinching himself hard and using the pain as a way to be able to tell the full truth outside of their rooms, a certain clarity befalls him with each word. It’s immensely relieving to finally say the things he’s been wanting to tell Virgil for years, to finally let himself think that maybe it’s not his fault for once. And he can tell Logan is proud of him, judging by the way his eyes shine with respect despite his neutral expression.

Virgil looks miserable, and Deceit wants to feel bad, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t regret what he said a single bit, doesn’t wish to take back any of his words. The anxious side opens his mouth as if he’s going to say something, but aborts the action at the last second, instead going to stare at the floor while he chews on his lip. His silence means a lot more than Virgil himself likely realizes, meanings and intentions and unnamed thoughts spilling out in the space between them, and Deceit nudges Logan so that they can walk around him and into Deceit’s own bedroom.

They have a long way to go, but Deceit can already feel the tiniest bit of hope shining inside him.

A lot has changed in the four months since Deceit’s attempt. For one, Thomas has allowed him a more permanent spot in the group, after a particularly heated argument with Logan than ended with the three of them finally coming to a mutual understanding with one another. Secondly, Virgil is talking to him again. Not the passive-aggressive banter, not the scathing insults, not the glares and hostility that Deceit is so used to. Now, he’s really trying to actually talk to him, will speak about something that happened in the news with him at the dinner table or show him memes when they’re both chilling in the mindscape living room. There’s so much more there, so much more respect and care, and Deceit has a feeling that they might even be friends again sometime soon.

Thirdly, Deceit has barely seen and hasn't talked to Patton outside of filming videos.

Although Deceit doesn’t particularly want to speak with Patton, listen to him say that "he's a bad influence, Thomas is a good person, you can't be here", it’s still odd that he’s somehow able to never be in the room when Deceit enters. When he does catch him off guard, the older side only gives him an unreadable look and makes his exit as quickly and inconspicuously as possible, typically taking advantage of the twins’ commotion to slip out undetected. Deceit notices, because of course he does, and to his own surprise, it doesn’t bother him as much as he expects. He’ll just wait for Patton to come to him, whenever he’s finally ready to admit his faults and apologize, so there’s no point in fretting over it.

However, Deceit does need to talk with the twins, Roman more so than Remus, and it’s this need that leaves him standing outside Roman’s door at one in the morning, a fist raised to knock. It’s not like he has to worry about Roman being asleep, because he’s always awake into the late hours of the night, frantically coming up with new ideas just to veto them all anyway. His process is almost manic, completely self-destructive, and it garners a lot of sympathy from a part of himself that can sorely relate.

The three swift raps on the door evoke a surprised squawk from within the bedroom, and multiple loud thumps can be heard before the heavily decorated door swings open. Deceit just stands there with a judgemental expression, lightheartedly raising an eyebrow in amusement at the sight of the creative side. He’s covered head-to-toe in glitter, multiple colours sparkling when the plastic reflects the dim light coming from the hall. He looks ridiculous, with the flakes in his hair and eyelashes and clothing, but he manages to look confident even despite that. It’s fake, Deceit knows it’s fake, but he humours him anyway.

“What’re you doing in there?” Deceit asks, a sly smirk playing on his lips, and Roman has the humility for an embarrassed blush to spread across his cheeks. He fidgets with the bottom of his coat even as he puts on a brave face, and Deceit can see through him so easily. Maybe it has to do with his purpose, the fact that the very arrogance the princely side portrays is a lie in itself, or maybe it’s because Roman is just that transparent.

“Just-- Just creating art! None of your business! Why’re… why are you here?” Roman asks, initial loudness tapering off to reveal uncertainty and vulnerability, and it’s a wonder the others haven’t figured this out sooner. Roman is so painfully obvious in his insecurity, shows how much he truly doubts himself and his work like a flashing neon sign above his head.

“I wanted to talk. Come to an understanding, if you will,” Deceit hums, adjusts his trusty bowler hat on his head casually despite it actually being a nervous tic. He doesn’t actually know what Roman is going to say, doesn’t know if he’s going to fall back on yelling and accusations and swing out his sword just like he did before. Will Deceit be left with a scar this time, too? Will he gain another streak of raised white, another lightning bolt stretching across the expanse of his skin, marring the smooth surface just like last time?

“Oh. Uh, um. Come in, then, I-I guess,” Roman stutters, picks at a flake of shimmering chipped nail polish as he steps to the side. His room is just as much of a mess as Deceit expects if not more, but the vexation he feels as he scans the aftermath of a creative tornado is just as acute. Stacks of parchment paper are piled in high towers around the room, looming overhead like a thundercloud of loathing. Pens and pencils and fabric and threads are strewn about, placed in such an intrinsically accurate way that it feels like the chaos is almost organized. It’s meticulous in its frenzy, a passionate craze that seems to be woven into so much of how the other side functions.

“I came to ask you for a favour. I ask you to not whip out your katana at me any time we are in the vicinity of one another. We wouldn’t want a repeat of last time, no?” Deceit asks, smooth and suave and uninterested on the surface. Of course, underneath he isn’t faring as well, but Roman doesn’t need to know that. Deceit is just waiting for Roman’s congeniality to flip on its head like a switch, for the civil nature of their interaction to turn sour when he decides he’s done listening to him. He’s expecting for Roman to yell, or maybe even for a fist to come his way, and he’ll have to start back at square one again. That’s just how Roman is. Fiercely protective, headstrong even when that same stubbornness and fire causes him to stumble, to put his attention in the wrong place.

But he doesn’t. Roman doesn’t get angry, in fact, he gets quite a sad look in his eyes at Deceit’s words. The way his gaze probes far into Deceit’s own, pulls him apart and examines his intentions and thoughts and feelings, it all leaves him feeling incredibly vulnerable. And he is uncomfortable when against all odds, Roman just darts forward to pull Deceit into his arms, smushes his half-scaled face into a broader chest with a passion that has never, ever been for him.

“But of course, small snake! A true prince would never brandish his blade at anyone other than a foe, and you, my Daring Deception, are far from it,” Roman tells him with a full tone and bright eyes, and the way he looks down at Deceit with such compassion and care to completely contradict his usual regards leaves Deceit’s head spinning. The snake-like side looks up at Roman from where he’s snuggled into his chest, gives him wide eyes and a look of surprise that he forgets to mask, and Roman’s smile is so much more gentle than Deceit thought he had the capacity for. “You are a friend. You’re a brave, shining knight to protect Thomas, just like me! If you ask me, I think we’d make a pretty good team.”

The endeared grin Deceit gives him in return surprises both of them equally.

Deceit doesn’t expect much to happen when he rises up in Remus’ room. The place is just as messy as always, just as chaotic as Roman’s is but in a different way. While Roman can make sense of the chaos, search through the whirlwind with such accuracy as if rifling through a file cabinet, Remus simply takes a sniff and hopes for the best. He doesn’t bother with organization of any kind, doesn’t bother with making things easier on himself, and Deceit supposes that very tendency can account for a lot of the behaviour Remus has portrayed in the past.

“Double Dee! What’cha doin’ here? Wanna try the sandwich I made? It has strawberries and eel meat and tartar sauce! Here, have a bite!” Remus demands excitedly, childishly, and despite the disgust Deceit feels while looking at the absolutely abominable excuse of edible food squished between Remus’ fingers, he only shakes his head neutrally. He just needs to get this over with, make sure everything is okay between them.

“I’ve already eaten today, Remus. Maybe next time. Actually, I wanted to ask you something,” Deceit dismisses, waves a gloved hand as he clears away some garbage for a spot to sit on Remus’ bed. The owner of said bed perks up from where he sits cross-legged on the floor, a rigidly-postured Remus surrounded by a circle of discarded candy wrappers. Deceit only hopes Remus actually ate them, and didn’t do something stupid, like glue them to his legs or see how many he could shove up his nose. “Do you… do you hate me?”

“What? ‘f course not! You’re fun, Dee-Dee! Almost as fun as when rollercoasters go flying off their tracks and smash into a building and go up in flames with the screaming passengers still inside! Hey, what did dying feel like?” Remus answers, jumping and shifting from one topic to another so fast it’s giving Deceit whiplash. He doesn’t like to linger on a particular topic for very long with the exception of him being the one to bring it up, unless it’s immediately or inherently shunned by someone else for existing. That only adds fuel to the fire, gives Remus a reason to keep perpetuating the idea, because the more Thomas doesn’t want to think about something, the more he’s guaranteed to toil under it. “You wanted to die, right? Otherwise you wouldn’t’a ate all those pills. ‘cept I already know that we can actually die ‘n’ be replaced, since that’s what happened with our ol’e pal Lust. And the new one got thrown in the subconscious a week later, so. Are y’a wantin’ to leave? Wanna… wanna leave me behind?”

And Deceit doesn’t really know what to say to that. They didn’t talk much when they were still living together in the “dark” part of the mindscape, not even when they were three instead of two. They’ve never been particularly close, and yet Remus sounds genuinely upset at the notion of Deceit leaving for good. His impact must be much larger than he’s thought all this time, to cause such hurt and betrayal in someone he was sure was indifferent to his presence.

“Of course not, Remus. It was a mistake, and I won’t make it again. I’m staying, this time, and I’m not gonna leave you alone,” Deceit consoles, reassures despite the fact that Remus isn’t outwardly upset. He doesn’t cry, he doesn’t lash out, he doesn’t scream or shout or yell. He simply sits there, stares with his wistful, bitter brown eyes, and it makes him simultaneously all too easy to read and yet incredibly difficult.

“Oh. Well, good! That means I can make y’a more sandwiches! Chef’s special!” They’re sure to be disgusting. But maybe Deceit can pretend to like it just to see delight burst to life on Remus’ face.

Confronting Patton is the scariest thing Deceit has ever had to do in his entire existence as a side.

Despite what Logan said the day he woke up, Deceit is a coward. It’s a direct result of his purpose; after all, what kind of self-preservation would run straight into danger with no regard to what might happen after? His caution is certainly warranted, given the situation, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that it isn’t still difficult. It’s hard to be so distrusting of someone who’s supposed to be a helper, someone who’s supposed to be Thomas’ morality. And Thomas is a good person, at times dangerously so, which makes Patton’s actions that day so many years ago so confusing.

Despite how part of him rings a pulsing red alarm when he’s even within a twenty-foot radius around the patriarchal side, there’s an even bigger part that’s yelling at him to hurry up and instigate an apology already, because this is getting annoying. He just wanted to wait, to let Patton come up with the correct conclusion on his own, because how else will he truly learn? But Deceit can’t even be in the same room with him without the other side scampering away at the first opportunity, and he’s tired of playing these cat-and-mouse games. The worst part is, he doesn’t even know if he’s the cat or the mouse.

Having already made amends with all of the others, Deceit decides it’s time to stop putting this off. If Patton won’t suck it up and apologize, or if he really is just that oblivious to the point of all of this, then fine. He can be like that. Deceit will just come to him. And so he does, manages to sneak up on him while he’s in the kitchen, humming as he makes himself a salad. It’s late, so everyone else is either asleep or pretending to be, and it creates a space where Deceit can do this on his own. Although he’s embarrassed, Deceit isn’t too proud to admit that he is a little afraid, that he can see Patton turning on him and hurting him as a vivid mental image playing in a loop. He just hopes this doesn’t go that way.

“Patton,” Deceit says stoically, not exactly a greeting, but more of an accusation. Patton lets out a little shocked yelp and whips around, butter knife out as if he’s going to actually use it. Deceit may be scared, but apparently Patton is too, and he has no right to be. Before Patton can sink out and run away just like every other time, Deceit grabs his shoulder, gently but assertively pushing him down into the kitchen chair scooted away from the table.

Patton looks up at him with terrified eyes and an almost nauseous expression, and it takes a lot of personal control for Deceit to not be offended. Who is he to be afraid of Deceit? What has Deceit done to hurt and scare him so badly? What gives him the right to be so frightened, the nerve to seem petrified of this encounter after how he treated Deceit? Anger boils up in Deceit’s throat listlessly, a nebulous animosity that yearns to explode. It only builds when Patton cowers under the snake-like side’s unimpressed stare.

“We need to talk. No more of your running away,” Deceit demands, stern and obstinate, but he’s sure his firm demeanour appears much more inexorable to the fatherly side. Although Deceit really is trying his best to not be antagonistic, his ire is only fueling his volatility, leaving his self-restraint put through the wringer in the face of his almost overwhelming sense of betrayal. What took place that day should never have happened, the events seemingly a direct antithesis to Patton’s usual intentions and motivations as Morality, but it did, and he can’t go any longer trying to escape responsibility and repercussions while Deceit shoulders all of the stress it caused.

“W--W-What do you wanna t-talk about, kiddo?” Patton stutters, stumbles around a feigned ignorance as his eyes dart between everything but Deceit’s own steely gaze. His fingers tremble as he fidgets with them, attempts a distraction from the confrontation, and it’s so unfair that Deceit almost wants to turn and kick the side of the counter in an angry outburst. He doesn’t, of course, because he’s not that brazenly juvenile, but he sure does wish he could.

“I’m not your kiddo, not after what you did to me. Don’t you dare call me that,” Deceit hisses as he slams a hand down on the table right beside where Patton is leaning. The latter of the two flinches, jumps with a tiny scared squeal dying in his throat before it can even be released into the silence left after Deceit’s outburst. He swallows hard as tears prick at his eyes, shine in the dim light of the kitchen, and Deceit feels no sympathy at all.

“P-Please don’t hurt me!” Patton rushes out as he curls in further on himself, tries to make the space his body takes up as compact as possible. Deceit scoffs, pulling back to stand up straight once more. He may be the shortest out of all of the sides, but his dominant, authoritative fury lets him loom just as well. There’s really no point in drawing this out any more than it needs to be, and although Deceit certainly would take an immense satisfaction in seeing Patton squirm, he needs to be the bigger person here.

“Hurt you? What, like you hurt me?” Deceit’s words are simple, biting, but they accomplish their intended effect all the same, maybe even more so. Patton shrinks back as if he’s been slapped, and he kind of has, at least metaphorically. The only way he will truly understand the nature of his actions is by being blunt and upfront about it; no sugarcoating, no dancing around the subject, no room to make excuses or twist the imperative words. Guilt is a powerful thing, and when utilized correctly, it can be the one thing that truly shifts the interpersonal tide.

“I-- I… I’m sorry!” Patton blurts out, uncertain under Deceit’s withering glare. His admission feels fake, hollow, empty. It echoes in the room for a round, allows Deceit a moment to quell the curses that well up in his throat and dance on his silver tongue. “I didn’t mean to--”

“Yes you did, don’t lie to me,” Deceit spits, interrupting the fake reassurance and stopping it in its tracks before it can become bigger than it deserves to be. Patton’s mouth snaps shut as he looks down at his lap, arms slowly shifting to curl around himself in a mockery of an embrace. Fine. Let him garner all the comfort he can get, because he sure won’t be comfortable when Deceit is done.

“You made me think I was safe, that I had a family. I had existed in the mindscape for a total of two hours before you threw me out for something I couldn’t even control. And I’m half-snake, you know that-- did you know that snakes are cold-blooded?” Deceit asks, and he laughs humourlessly when he sees a dawning realization that turns into horror on Patton’s face. “I almost died out there. When Virgil found me, he had to literally bring me back to life moments before I would have fully faded away. Do you know how much that fucking scared him?

“You turned everyone who I ever thought could have been a friend against me. Roman was so happy to finally have someone to go on adventures with, and the next time I saw him, he hated me. I wonder why, hm? Did you know that after he switched his sword from plastic to metal, after you made him believe that I’m the evil villain he needs to slay, he tried to do exactly that? I still have the scar,” Deceit says bitterly as he lifts his hand up. He ignores Patton’s flinch in favour of pushing aside the fabric of his capelet and shirt, showing the paternal side the raised white line that jaggedly falls from the top of his shoulder to about halfway down his arm. A whimper spills from Patton’s lips, desperate and ashamed, and Deceit really hopes he’s finally starting to get it.

“Not to mention what you did to Logan. He was so fucking terrified to speak up about what you did to me that he stayed silent, went directly against his purpose as a side just to make sure that he wouldn’t be thrown out and ostracized too. Do you know how much that hurts me, as self-preservation? What’s even worse is that I’m glad he stayed quiet and kept himself safe, because who knows what could have happened if he dared to go against Morality.”

With the words shot from Deceit’s mouth like a bullet from a revolver, tears finally breach Patton’s lashes, roll over his cheekbones and fall in droplets onto his pants. His shoulders shudder under the weight of silent sobs, and even as Patton’s lips twist as he tries not to cry audibly, he still keeps his head held up while he listens. The action is peculiar, and Deceit knows what he’s trying to convey, but atonement is much more than just that. It’s a start, but there’s certainly a long way to go.

“Virgil was my best friend, you know. I cared about him so fucking much, and he was the only one who truly had my back when I was still recovering from what you did. But even he wanted to have a taste of acceptance, and it wasn’t a surprise in the slightest when he suddenly hated me the next time we were able to talk. Your brainwashing knows no limits, truly,” Deceit sneers, contempt in his eyes and pain in his heart. He doesn’t want to open up. He doesn’t want to be honest like this, doesn’t want to pinch himself until he’s numb just so he can focus long enough to finally show Patton the truth about what he’s done. He doesn’t want to, but he has to, because he’ll just regret it if he doesn’t.

“I wasn’t really ever close friends with Remus, but that doesn’t matter because Remus shouldn’t even exist. In fact, neither should Roman. You split Creativity apart, forced them apart based on your arbitrary set of rules for Thomas to abide by, and shoved him into a harmful, narrow mindset. And if that wasn’t enough, you couldn’t even let them properly be brothers and grow up together as siblings, like they should have. No, you shoved Remus out just like me, and it caused him to hole himself up in his room for nearly twenty years just so he could use his part of the Imagination to make a world where he wasn’t separated from his literal other half. He likes to act like he doesn’t care, but I know he does, and he shouldn’t fucking have to.

“You’ve only brought suffering upon me, and Remus, and Virgil at one point. To those who needed you the most, you scorned and demonized, and left us with no guidance or warmth simply because you don’t like our purpose. But we are all sides of Thomas, just as much as you are, and whether you like it or not, we are important and needed. I’m done trying to convince myself to be the villain, to play into your fantasy and the knowledge that I’d never get accepted or be listened to. I deserve so much more than you’re giving me, and I’m never going to make the mistake of inherently trusting you again. This time, you have to earn it.”

“I’m so sorry, Deceit,” Patton whispers, slow and thick and watery at the same time, and the soft, quiet words cause Deceit to completely deflate. He’s so tired, so fucking exhausted, and he knows that it’s going to be this way for a long time.

And maybe it’s too much. Maybe it’ll take too long, or maybe it’ll never happen. Maybe they’ll never truly fix this, mend and repair the cracks driven between them as a result of how Deceit grew up. Maybe Deceit will never work up the courage to forgive Patton, to be able to look at him without fear and anger leaping up into his throat. But none of that matters, not really, because Deceit finally has people who care about him, people who will stand up for him and support him when he can’t do it himself. And for now, maybe that’s all he really needs.

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lovixcore · 5 years

Text

loss & sorrow. (amedot fic)

One-Shot

Summary: Amethyst comforts a grieving Peridot.

Word Count: 1454 words

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21700492

Pumpkin passed away. After several days of the usually bright and happy plant acting rather off, Peridot had noticed all of the little moments when Pumpkin should have reacted to something but didn't. She had also noticed that Pumpkin's skin had grown soft, discolored spots. And when she got back from working on Little Homeworld one day, Pumpkin was... unresponsive.

It hurt so much, but it was also so incredibly confusing to her. How someone could be here one minute but... disappear the next. Overtime, Peridot had learned the concept of what death was on her own and through the media, as no one had ever bothered to explain it to her, but she didn't know that it would of happened to Pumpkin and especially so soon.

After at least an hour of debate on the gems could handle this, handle losing Pumpkin, handle a very emotional Peridot, Amethyst had made the decision that she would be the to go and look for the green technician, as she found Peridot sitting among the shore of the beach. "...Per?" The quartz had quietly, cautiously, and somewhat softly asked from behind, not wanting to startle or upset the already clearly distressed gem. "You.. you okay?"

"No..," A quiet, bitter sounding voice had responded. And although it was just a simple "No", Amethyst could tell that just from the tone of her voice, that Peridot was in an incredible amount of pain right now.

"..D'ya wanna be alone right now?" Amethyst asked the other gem. Although she really wanted to comfort and be there for Peridot, make her feel better, and just be her emotional support, she also didn't want to make the other gem feel uncomfortable. She wanted to be sure of what Peridot wanted, and what Peridot needed.

"...No, not really."

Amethyst sat down next to the smaller gem. An awkward but almost painful, heavy silence had befallen on the two of them with Peridot speaking up moments later, "I... why did she have to die, Amethyst?" Amethyst looked over at the other gem, her face switching between the expressions of shock and empathy as the olivine gem's own face had crumpled, tears forming rivers down her cheeks, hugging the skin of her neck. Oh, how it shattered the purple gem's heart to see Peridot like this. "It's-It's not fair!" The gem spoke in between heaves, her voice shaky and broken-sounding. She was now visibly shaking, tears hitting the palms of her hands. "I didn't even get to say goodbye..."

"Oh Peri...," Amethyst sighed, starting to get emotional herself. She HATED seeing Peridot like that. It killed her to see Peridot, someone who was usually so bright, so.. Broken. "C'mere," She had said, as she wrapped one of her arms around the other gem and pulled her closer. "It's gonna be okay.. I know it doesn't really feel like that right now but it will be..," The quartz consoled the smaller gem, running her chubby down Peridot's back.

"It's not fair, Amethyst! None of this is fair! W-why did she have to die?" Peridot sobbed, as she cried into the quartz's shoulder.

"Oh gee.. How do I explain this? Um.. pumpkins don't last forever. Just like how.. humans don't live forever.. y'know?" Amethyst tried to explain to the technician in a way that she could understand. She then ran her hands through her long, thick, messy hair in a rather frustrated manner, as she was annoyed with herself that she didn't exactly know how to explain any of this to Peridot. "Ugh, I'm sorry Peri. I'm just.. really bad at this stuff? What I'm trying to say is that, just like humans, pumpkin's don't live forever, they're bound to... rot, just like how humans are bound to die."

"Of-," She began, but then paused to take off her bright yellow visors, revealing a pair of big and soft blue eyes, wiping her tears from her eyes and gave the quartz a doe-eyed look. Amethyst couldn't help but stare at her and assumed she had been blushing, as she had found the olivine gem's eyes so pretty. "Of course I knew, it's just.. no one ever told me that it was going to happen to her or that it would happen so soon," She sniffed, clarifying the reason as to why she was so shocked by it.

"Yeah.. that's understandable.. I'm sorry..," Amethyst responded. Peridot's eyes then widened, as she was now surprised. What would Amethyst have to be sorry for? She didn't do anything wrong, right? "I'm sorry we never really bothered to tell you that it would happen to her, and that it would happen soon. That was really shitty of us...," The quartz continued to apologize to the other gem. She felt awful, awful that Peridot like that, and awful that she was part of the reason.

"...You don't have to apologize, Amethyst. Yo-you didn't know any better," Peridot argued, as she really didn't see the reason as to why Amethyst had to apologize over it. None of this was Amethyst's fault, Amethyst wasn't the reason for Pumpkin's death. So why was she putting the blame all on herself?

"We did though! We just.. we just never thought of it, like y'know, thought about telling you. And we should have.. I'm really sorry Peridot, Amethyst argued back, rubbing her arms and avoiding making eye contact with the other gem now. She felt sad. She felt embarrassed. She felt guilt.

"It's-Don't feel bad over it, you.. n-none of this is your fault!" Peridot exclaimed. "I get it.. and yes, you should have said something, but please don't feel small over it... I appreciate your apology though, thank you Amethyst." Amethyst nodded, giving no verbal response. Silence had hit the two of them again as Peridot then lied against Amethyst, with the quartz running her hand through Peridot's hair, which was something Peridot loved. The way she did it, the way she touched her, and how loving and gentle she was. After a few moments, Peridot spoke up, "...Amethyst?"

"Huh?"

"I... really miss her. I keep thinking about how much better I would feel once I'd get to see her again, but... she's not here anymore. I'm... glad she's not suffering anymore, but I really miss her, and I'm so upset, and so sad, and I'm so confused, and I just want that awful feeling to go away," Peridot explained her thoughts and feelings to the other gem, starting to tear up again. "...Why won't that horrendous feeling go away?"

"S'okay dude. I get it.. It's okay to be sad about it, and it's okay to miss her. That's normal -- that's how grieving works! I've been through the process before, so has everyone else here. Everyone moves on at different paces, and you're gonna feel sad for awhile, but that's okay! And if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to, I'm here for you Dot, and I always will be," The quartz explained as she comforted the other gem, still running her hand through Peridot's hair.

"..You're too kind."

"I mean.. you ARE my best friend, Peri.. how could I not be there for you? Y'know? I-I hate seeing you like this, so.. upset. I care about you so much, and it just really hurts me to see you like this," Amethyst blushed a darker purple and started to rub her arm as she confessed to the technician how much she loved and cared about her. "And..., I'll always be here for you, Peridot. Always," She said as she grabbed Peridot's hand and slipped her fingers through hers, gently squeezing Peridot's hands and giving the other gem a loving, tender smile.

"Thank you for making me feel better. Thank you for being incredibly supportive. Thank you for everything, really.. I am so grateful to have you in my life, Amethyst. You make me so happy and I am so lucky to have a friend like you, and I.. love you too," The green gem rambled on in response, taking her smaller arms and wrapping them around Amethyst. Amethyst then embraced the hug by wrapping her arms around Peridot and rested her head against Peridot's. After minutes flew by, of just cuddling each other, Peridot hesitantly pulled away, "...Amethyst?"

"Hm?"

"I feel better now, but... do you mind staying out here with me for a bit longer? You don't have to.. I.. just really don't want to be alone right now, and if I could be honest here, you make me feel safer.. and happier," Peridot asked, really hoping Amethyst would say yes. She didn't want to be alone at all right now, especially after just losing Pumpkin.

"..Of course."

Author’s Note: Hello, and thank you so much for reading this. I started writing this fic back in late October, when it was announced that Pumpkin had died over the two year time skip, and I ended up just finishing it as of December 6th, as I have been rather unmotivated and busy with school work/Driver's Ed. My main fear with writing this one was that Amethyst and Peridot were both ooc, because although I feel like I can usually nail it when it comes to writing Amethyst, I felt like I might of written them ooc because it was more of an angsty fic (and I write more fluff fics over angst).

#amedot #steven universe #fanfiction #evie writes #perithyst #su #fanfic #fic #amethyst #peridot

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