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sweatervest-obsessed · 1 year ago

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Salvia Splendens Means Forever Mine - Part 2

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

WC: 4.1k

TW: Mentions of past trauma and the episode Revelations, mentions of drug use, emotional exhaustion, blood, vomit, drinking, People hunting People, injury, swearing

A/N: idk why but this one was so difficult to write, but that means a part 3 so I can resolve the issues in the way I want to, and not be pissed with the middle bits. Also it's literaLLY been over a week, so sorry for the lack of Spencer content. I just completed my last first week of college so that was crazy.

Part 1

There was something that Spencer was not telling you. After an extremely emotional reunion that involved tears, and a hug that lasted for over two consecutive minutes, Spencer apologized to you. He said he was sorry. Now what for, you couldn’t possibly imagine then. But now?

You were given seven days of paid recovery to help Spencer cope with the traumas he had endured. Spencer was given as much time as he needed. You managed to fuck around with the schedule, so that way you only worked Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for three weeks, giving you ample time to spend with Spencer, while also providing him with space of his own to cope. He was an independent creature, so him needing a day to recover on his own made sense to you. But when he told you he was ready to come back to the BAU, you hesitated.

You’re not stupid. Your PhD alone could counter that fact. But the profiling skills you had sharpened over the past two years were certainly a help. But you didn’t need to profile Doctor Spencer Reid in order to tell him that going back this soon was not the best idea.

And he argued with you—yelled at you. The two of you had spats, and a couple arguments here and there, but nothing like this. He claimed you didn’t know him; that you didn’t have his best interests at heart.

“It’s like you only care about what’s good for me and bad for me whenever it’s convenient for you.”

Your jaw had dropped. You wanted to cry, but you were more so offended at the fact that Spencer had the audacity to claim you put yourself first. But you knew that wasn’t your Spencer, he was coping with trauma, and you were trying to care for him, support him.

“Spencer. You need to take more time and reall–”

“I’m done listening to someone who didn’t even show up to save me from digging my own fucking grave.”

You ended up working that Thursday, going back to full time, leaving him to his own devices. Was it a little selfish of you to not speak to him and leave him to his own devices while he was coping with unspeakable traumas? Sure. But when Spencer spat that at you, pettiness took over, deciding that clearly he didn’t want to speak to you, so you wouldn’t.

When he came back, it was wrong. Something was wrong. Spencer was despondent, distant, not actually talking to you for days on end unless he had to. He would snap at people, specifically Emily and you. He would disappear for a couple of minutes at a time, appearing moments later when someone asked where he was.

Which brought you to your conclusion, Spencer was hiding something from you. You knew, okay well you didn’t know per se, but you assumed he wasn’t cheating on you—you hoped he wasn’t cheating on you. You couldn’t blame him if he was, I mean seeking comfort when he needed it, and clearly whatever you were doing was just not enough. But you were hoping that he wasn’t sleeping around. The alternatives weren’t better, providing you with absolutely no comfort.

Your hypothesis led you to Hotch’s office. You knocked on the door, pushing the door in slightly, since it was already opened. You closed the door behind you once Hotch had given you the okay, the head nod of approval.

He motioned for you to sit down in the chair across from him, which you did. Hotch always let you speak first, knowing you didn’t need the go ahead. It was something you appreciated about him. One day you would have to tell him how much you appreciated it.

“I think Spencer is using.” It was blunt. It was emotionless. Not exactly what Hotch was expecting from you, especially since he watched as you held a broken Spencer in your arms right after they brought him to you covered in dirt, limping, injured, but alive.

He nodded, and picked up his phone, calling Gideon into his office. Hotch had his own theories, his own thoughts on the matter, and so did Gideon.

Once Gideon had sat on the arm of the chair next to you, you continued.

“You don’t need me to tell a room full of profilers that clearly something is wrong with him. He’s despondent, he’s had moments where he’s an extreme aggressor, he’s been losing weight, he has the lines around his eyes—do I need to go on or did I just confirm your theories?”

Gideon and Hotch looked at one another before Hotch spoke. “We were hoping you’d actually say he was just coping poorly, not with drugs.”

You sighed and shook your head. “Hotch, I‘ve been at Emily’s the past couple of nights since we….had an argument.” Causing you to scoff and fiddle with the necklace along your neck. “But he’s definitely using, probably dilaudid since that’s probably what Tobias was using to subdue him.”

“Have you confronted him about it?”

“Have you?” You shot back a little meaner than you meant, but the sentiment still stood.

“Well, what do we want to do about it?” Gideon looked between the three of you, and before someone could come up with an answer, JJ had knocked on the door. “We have a cas—oh! Sorry. Sorry. We um. We have a case.”

“We’ll be there in a moment. Thank you JJ.” Hotch nodded at her, as she exited, closing the door behind her. “We’ll discuss this later.”

You nodded and stood up, exiting the office. You felt the eyes of the bullpen on you. But you just walked towards the round room, not a word to anyone. Your gaze shifted to Spencer, who was looking directly at you, brow creased, worry lines on full display. You eyed him up and down, a subtle challenge on your part, but nothing else as you left the room.

“Pretty boy’s in trouble…” Derek smirked slightly, nudging Reid with his shoulder. But Reid just shot him a look before getting up and walking towards where you were.

None of them had really seen you act like this. Something was wrong, and everyone knew it. You hadn’t had flowers on your desk for almost a week, there was no humming from your lips, and you were out the door right as the clock hit 5, not saying your usual goodbyes.

Right as Spencer sat down in his usual seat, he went to speak, your name on his lips, everyone else entered. Another case, another excuse for you to not talk directly to him for the next thirty minutes.

People were hunting people.

You, like most other public school kids in America, had read Richard Connell’s The Most Dangerous Game, leaving you scared and questioning the real morals of humanity, only slightly boosting your own ego thinking of all the ways you could survive. Most kids had not taken the short story as an instruction manual, but apparently these two brothers did.

The past few days apart have taken a toll on Spencer. He didn’t mean to push you away, except that he did, and the more guilty he had felt about it, the worse he felt. You were kind, and brilliant, and so caring, and pushing you away was the easiest answer. He didn’t mean to say that to you. He knew why you were told to stay back at the house, knowing you could have lost your job–but he wondered why you didn’t fight for him, he would’ve fought tooth and nail to be the first one to get to you, so why didn’t you?

But when you volunteered first to go into the woods where you could get shot through the heart with an arrow instead of checking the boy’s family home, he knew he was fucked, and some sick and twisted part of him thought he deserved it.

You were just sick and tired of not being treated properly. You missed him, you really did. But if he was going to keep acting like this, if he was going to keep using, then he needed to make the executive decision about you both. It fucking killed you, but god damn if you weren’t the stubborn type. Spencer was just not used to being on the receiving end of it.

When Spencer had heard that both of the brothers had been killed, he was relieved, regardless of the trail of bodies left behind, because you were still okay. Even if you didn’t want anything to do with him anymore, you deserved better.

Hotch had followed your wishes, and gave you a separate hotel room, letting the team know that this really was a breaking point for you. When the whole team, sans you, returned to the police station, his blood pressure rose and it took everything in his power to remain calm, only being able to focus once Hotch had mentioned you wanted to go shower and change your clothes—you had received the heavy end of blood on your clothes, graciously donated by the eldest of the two brothers.

Reid nodded, excusing himself. What if you were hurt and you didn’t even tell him, or anyone for that matter. What if you were just bleeding out on the floor of your shower, in a hotel room, all alone? The spiraling didn’t stop until he found himself at your hotel room door, unable to knock.

You had quickly made your way back to your hotel room, not wanting to deal with the attention you might have received for the gash in your arm. The blood blended nicely with the rest of the blood that had seeped into your once blue shirt, so no one was any wiser. The shower you had taken had helped a little bit, but now you had a major cut down the side of your inner arm, and bandaging it was good enough, for now.

The bed was not comfortable enough for your liking, but it was good enough to lay on and stare at the ceiling, questioning all of the choices you had made up until this moment. Ignoring the pain in your arm, you just laid there.

You were exhausted. Your relationship was exhausting. Your whole life was exhausting, and honestly, it would just be better if you took a moment to fall asleep and then just never wake up.

But life had other plans.

Spencer finally knocked on your door.

You knew it was Spencer by the way he knocked. Short, quick, but in the same pattern he always had.

“It’s unlocked.” You yelled, not moving to stand up from your location on the bed. It was unlocked because you wanted him knew he would show up. An aerial view might have rivaled Fuseli’s Nightmare, but instead of the luscious red drapes and printed silks, you were in a mediocre hotel room bed. The damp hair, the wounded arm, the distressed sheets framing your carelessly tossed body–it was the definition of a modern renaissance painting.

Spencer slowly came into the room and closed the door behind him.

“Spencer. What can I help you with?” You didn’t even look over at him, voice flat.

“You didn’t come back to the station s-so I wanted to c-check in on you…”

“I’m fine.”

“Your arm–”

“--Is fine.” Your voice was sharp, cutting him off.

“Are you–’

“Sure? Yes.”

“You haven’t been home in a couple of days…”

You scoffed as he said the word home. You knew he was standing near the edge of the bed, willing you to look at him. You felt him standing there, you heard the desperation in his voice.

“What did I say?”

“Spencer. I’d really rather not dance around whatever it is that’s been going on with you because I’d hope that you’d love me more than that, and if not, then at least you would have respected me enough.” You went to sit up, but winced as you put pressure on your arm. You should be glaring at him, and your face was definitely communicating that, but your eyes were soft and caring, like they always had been. You could never hate him, but you definitely required an apology for his previous behavior.

He sighed and rubbed the palms of his hands in his eyes. “It’s complicated y/n.”

“Enlighten me then.” You sat all the way up, hands clasped together, in your lap. “Please, tell me what is so complicated.”

“What were you doing in Hotch’s office before this whole case started.” He blurted out, hands fidgeting, eyes looking into yours.

“Why do you want to know?”

“Because if you said something—anything to Hotch about the whole coping thing, I could lose my job.”

“Is there a reason your coping would make you lose your job?”

Spencer’s face twisted into something unrecognizable. His hand started twitching, he started to itch his arm.

“You’re surrounded by profilers Spencer. And we know you’re hiding something. I know you’re hiding something. And I wish you��god Spencer you just pushed me away and I wish you would Fucking talk to me instead of the fact that you’re clearly coping in an unhealthy way—when’s the last time you actually slept? More than thirty minutes?”

Spencer licked his lips, staying silent.

You scoffed. “That’s what I thought.” You stood up, almost toe to toe with Spencer. God you missed him. Your body almost started to lean into his, wanting to kiss him, wanting to hold him, but you just walked around him, careful not to let him touch you at all. You grabbed your coat and wallet, and slammed the hotel room door shut.

Derek had just opened his door, leather jacket on, sunglasses on his head. “You look like you need a drink sweetheart.”

“You should be a profiler.” You snorted, pulling your coat on.

“Your arm–”

“--Is fine. Jesus Christ.” You started to walk but stopped and turned around, eyebrows raised. “Are you going to join me or what Morgan.”

Derek gave you a mini salute and followed you as you walked down the stairs.

You two ended up in some local townie bar, opposite sides of the booth. You had ordered a shot of tequila before getting something you can slowly sip on.

“Wanna talk about it?”

You rolled your eyes and took a sip before sighing. “He hasn’t spoken to me one on one in a week, and the first thing he said to me was asking if my talk with Hotch before this case was about him. Not how are you, not even an ‘I miss you’, he just pointed out that I haven’t been home like no shit Sherlock, I know I haven’t been home.”

Derek nodded and took a sip of his drink.

“I just—honestly, can we talk about anything else right now? I really don’t want to think about it right now.”

Derek smiled at you, putting his beer down. “So JJ is one hundred percent seeing that detective from New Orleans.”

You laughed and nodded. “Acting as if we can’t hear her when she takes phone calls from him. It’s ridiculous..”

Derek was a godsend. He had seen you in the hallway, slamming the door, and knew you had needed someone to go out drinking with. He distracted you, pulling topics out of his ass just to help you keep your mind off of Reid. He even helped you walk back, not that you were blackout, but walking in a straight line was not your strong suit at the moment. Once he had made sure you had made it into your room, and we’re settled on the bed, he knocked on Spencer’s door.

Reid opened the door, slightly confused as to why Morgan was knocking on his door at 2 am. “Yeah?”

“Fix this. Whatever it is that’s going on…” Derek felt bad for Reid, he really did, but he was not about to condone whatever shitty behavior Reid was on right now. “I’ll see you in the morning, pretty boy.” And with that, Derek placed your room key in Spencer’s hand, and then went into his own room.

Spencer stared at the key, not really sure what to do, but eventually he found himself opening your door, and called out your name.

You were draped dramatically over the toilet, a renaissance painting if you would. You let out a groan, regretting the last two shots of….something you don’t really remember. You heard Spencer toe off his shoes and make his way into the bathroom.

“Oh honey…” he whispered, sitting down next to you.

“I’m so mad at you.” You whispered into the toilet, clearly too drunk to let your filter cover anything you felt. “Like.” You hiccuped and groaned. “You called me a whore in front of all my friends, knowing it wasssn’t true..and then after a week of me”–another hiccup and groan again– “helping you and holding you….you push me away like you don’t even love me.”

If Spencer could see your face, your eyes would have melted him on the spot. But he didn’t need to see your eyes to hear your voice crack.

“I’m sorry sweetheart.” He whispered, hesitantly putting a hand on your back, rubbing his thumb up and down.

“That feels good but I’m still mad.” You grumbled. After a quick inhale, “No.”

“No, what?”

“No, I'm gonna throw up. Fuck. Oh god I hate it Spence it tastes so gross. No no no.” You mumbled, sitting up on your knees, forehead on your arms as you coughed into the toilet.

Spencer sat up with you, kissing the back of your head, fully rubbing your back. “It’s okay baby, it’s okay. Let it out.”

“Shut up. No.” You mumbled, the pet name making your head even more dizzy than before. “I refuse to vomit.”

You kept coughing, doing your best to not vomit, really really trying so hard.

Spencer cooed your name. “The sooner you throw up, the better you’ll feel.”

“That sounds like a lie the government made up.” You grumbled into the toilet.

Spencer laughed at you, still rubbing your back.

“God you probably think I’m so fucking ugly.”

Spencer shook his head, forgetting you couldn’t see him. “No. No. I promise baby. I still think you’re the prettiest FBI agent on the planet.”

“Is there some CIA agent I need to worry about?” You joked before shaking your head. “Don’t look at me Spence. I’m gonna vomit and it’s gonna be so ugly and you’ll never ever want to kiss me ever again.”

“Okay well that’s not true.”

“Promise me you want, wait no, won't watch.” You mumbled, your breaths becoming shorter.

“I promise, I promise.” He rubbed your back as you vomited, absolutely breaking his promise, making sure you didn’t choke or pass out or worse.

Once it was over you let out a groan. “Mother fucking Christ. My mouth tastes so bad.”

Spencer flushed the toilet for you and handed you some toilet paper for you to wipe your mouth with. “Thank you.”

Spencer kissed your head again.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been home.” You mumbled, resting your head on your arms, face in the toilet bowl again. “It just feels like you didn’t want me home.” You whispered, and if not for the echo of the toilet bowl, Spencer was almost certain he wouldn’t have heard you.

“I always want you home.” He kissed your head, reaching for one of your hands to make you look at him, causing you to tilt your head, still laying your head on your arms.

“Full disclosure?”

Spencer nodded at you, kissing your hand.

“No Spence, I need to hear you say it.”

“Full disclosure.”

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on or are you going to make me make you admit to me what’s been happening.” You sighed.

Spencer looked down, fiddling with your hand, staying silent.

“I did talk to Hotch about you.”

He looked up at you, eyes mixed with emotions flashing between hurt, shame, embarrassment, but you saw a moment of relief, an exhale, somewhere in there.

“He and Gideon have their own theories about it, Spence but ...whatever it is, I want you to come to me, I want you to talk to me about it. I’m only going to leave if you push me away.”

“When Tobias would, uh, appear…” you nodded, letting him continue. “He would uh, he would…”

“Dilaudid?”.

Spencer nodded.

“You know you’re—please hold.” You mumbled, and you started coughing again.

“What did Morgan give you, my god.” He mumbled.

“I drank of my own accord thank you very much.” You grumbled, not exactly thrilled at your predicament either.

Spencer pursed his lips.

Tobais Hankel had a gun to his head, ready to end his life, and all Spencer could think about was you. Your face, your hair, your hands, your lips, you. In his last moment, he didn’t want to see Hankel, he wanted to see you.

But then he saw the flashlights, heard the rustling, and you were coming to him. God he couldn’t wait to be in your arms, he couldn't wait to sleep in your arms.

He quickly overcame Tobais, snatching the gun from him, and eventually shooting him. He heard Hotch’s voice, he heard the running, he heard Tobais as he died in front of him, but he couldn’t hear you.

The team helped him up, helped him walk away, but why weren’t you with them? The cars were empty, no one inside of them. The only answer he had received from hotch was that you had been ordered to stay behind but why didn’t you fight for him?

Only when the car pulled up to the police station did he watch as you shoved your way through the doors and some officers, eyes scanning quickly across the three black SUVs, not knowing which one he was in.

Your hand never left your neck, breathing quickly, analyzing all of the faces that came out of the cars, watching and hoping they would have him. He watched as you became more and more anxious, not seeing his face.

Suddenly, Gideon opened the door for him, and helped him out the car. Blood stained his pants, dirt covered half of his body, and he was sure he smelt like fish guts and death, but the way you whispered “oh thank god” when you saw him, made him feel a million times lighter.

Your arms were around his torso right as he heard the car door slam shut, causing him to jump at the contact and the noise. He felt the tears coming to his eyes, and your tears on his chest.

“I watched you-you…” You whispered, holding him tighter, as if letting him go meant he would disappear forever.

“I know, I know. I lo–”

“Spencer?” Your eyes were scanning his face. “You went quiet on me.”

His eyes snapped back to you, feeling the cool tile beneath his hand as he exhaled. “Sorry. Just…thinking.”

“That’s never been too hard for you before.” You snorted, giggling at how absolutely hysterical you were.

Spencer rolled his eyes. “Thanks sweetheart.”

“You’re so welcome Spence.”

He watched as your eyes started to close, body slumping as you struggled to stay conscious.

“Let’s get you to be yeah?”

You mumbled something he would only assume was “no” and peeled your head off of the toilet anyways.

Getting you to abandon the toilet and back into your bed was one of the hardest things Spencer Reid has ever accomplished. The bed was way too warm, and not as cool as the tile floor, causing you to mumble profanities at him the whole time, fighting against his help. You also were starting to doze off, meaning Spencer couldn’t fully walk you to bed, causing you to grumble even more at the fact that you had to be standing, and moving.

Once you were horizontal on the correct surface, Spencer went to speak to you, but you were no longer conscious, drifting off to sleep the second your head hit the pillow.

He kissed your forehead, and headed towards the door, a smile on his face as he heard you mumble those three little words.

“I love you too.” He whispered back, turning off the lights and closing the door behind him.

Maybe all of this wasn’t irrevocably damaged, maybe he wasn’t irrevocably damaged, and maybe, he could fix this.

Next Part

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A/N: no one has ever wanted to be tagged in my work before so I’m HONORED. Im absolutely willing to add more people to be tagged in this mini series if anyone else wants to be! but this is for you girl boss <3

@raely-study

#x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid x reader angst #spencer reid x reader fluff #criminal minds fanfiction #dr spencer reid x reader

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izuizzy · 3 months ago

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thinking about Vanitas again because I'm a sucker who likes crazy ocs; how come they all thought that he was dead?? like was that something in the records or did Vanitas just disappear and presumed dead?? its eating at my mind izzy!!!! I MUST KNOWWWW

OKAY I HAVE SLEPT AND I AM HERE ONCE AGAIN ASKING YOU TO LISTEN TO THE VANITAS PARASITES WHISPERING IN MY EAR AAA I’m so glad you asked this fos. you have no idea you’re asking all the things I’ve already been thinking about heheheheh so long post incoming. it’s story time!

to anyone also reading this, story was written by me. so yeah just the usual do not claim as your own. and enjoy! also tw for inhumane research projects, death mention. I will tag this post.

so, basically Vanitas and all other test subjects for Ultimate Lifespawn were supposed to die when the facility was found. as team dark and GUN found it they arrested and captured all the researchers, but not until one dangerous researcher activated a fail safe to destroy the subjects. miraculously it failed on Talia and Vox, but all other subjects were killed. it is still unknown why they survived. was it just a stroke of luck? did their programs buckle after the destruction of the facility? no one knows yet.

so how did Vanitas survive? to start, I wanna give a little background on him. he wasn’t always a crazy psycho JAKAHSHS

he was actually quite happy even in their unfortunate circumstances. he definitely inherited more of Sonic’s energetic and playful sides. out of all the subjects in the facility, he was the first to survive the abhorrent experiments and tests after Vox. so they stuck together in those trying times being the only two who could last longer than a few days or a few weeks. Vanitas grew attached to his older brother and Vox enjoyed having company for once even if he didn’t understand his own feelings at the time.

however… things didn’t stay that way.

(gonna cliffhanger cut this bc it’s getting super long so read under the cut for more)

around the time Talia came into existence, Vanitas noticed a change in Vox. something more sentimental as he bonded with Talia. something Vanitas had never seen from Vox. Vanitas saw her as weaker than them (her Chao energy levels are not the same as the two of them) and he once suggested that he and his brother Vox escape the facility and the cruelty of the researchers, they were definitely strong enough to level the facility and take out anyone who stood in their way. Vox didn’t want to leave Talia behind though, and what if more hedgehogs like them came into existence that could survive, who would be there for them?

Vanitas didn’t like what he was hearing. one argument led to another and Vanitas had had enough of his sentimental brother, and the weakling that turned him into this. he became more violent and aggressive towards everyone and everything. he took joy in tormenting the subjects and fighting with the researchers, and seeing all of them as dolls more so than other living things. the researchers soon learned he was too dangerous to the project as a whole and so they separated him from the rest of the subjects and performed experiments on him alone.

Talia and Vox never saw him again after that, and so they had assumed he was going die (as they were young and watching him leave didn’t mean just experiments but death).

Vanitas was later subjected to terrible experiments alone, so painful and excruciating that his mind began to fray at the seams. after the experiments he did not return to Vox, Talia or anyone else. he was left in isolation in a room. all alone. there were times where he regretted the things he’d said that had separated him from Vox. it wasn’t long though before his mind would start to block things out. he became the emptiness that his name stood for. he started shutting out his pain and his emotions, and he lived in isolation, cold and numb. he’d already used that coping skill before so he could use it again.

Vanitas never saw another soul again besides the researchers. they planned to place him in a cryostasis different from the other subjects and extract his chaos energy to be used for the others because he was too erratic to control. they’d keep him around for later but basically they wrote him off as deceased for the records so no one would question them about him.

so Talia and Vox had assumed he was dead as they never saw him again (a spell of out of sight out of mind just a bit). they had to move forward. Vox had to come to grips that the brother he knew he changed and was no more and Talia had to learn to cope with the fear Vanitas had imparted on her even after he was gone.

a tldr of their interactions is that after a long while neither Vox nor Talia had anything kind to say about Vanitas and wouldn’t miss him after the shift in personality he had. he became manipulative, aggressive and cruel and neither of them remembered him fondly (unfortunately). Vox and Vanitas both missed the old versions of each other that were long gone.

later down the lines when team dark found them there were only four subjects found. even though in truth five had survived. Vanitas was only a name among a list of names when they recovered the files all while being labeled as “dangerous” and “deceased.”

for reasons I have yet to write, it turns out all this time Vanitas was alive and never died in the research facility… because he wasn’t there to begin with when team dark and GUN raided the facility.

he had disappeared much earlier, his cell empty, and the fail safe chip inside him left on the ground.

fun fact: I also put this in a sonadow comic I did once before. mentioning the fail safe that was meant to kill all subjects created by the project

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frownyalfred · 1 year ago

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*busts down your doors* HEY! Long ask for ya

okay so I was rereading your fic where EMS showed up because Dick couldn’t flip on the trampoline (rip) and it got me thinking about routine trauma.

So here’s the thing: I am not EMS. I know three people who are EMS, but my extent of EMS experience comes from one (1) ride along and lurking on EMS subreddits. Those guys are a hoot. Great memes. Anyways.

A comment stuck out to me: “You haven’t truly lived the job until you’re eating a gas station burrito next to a dead body”. I’ve seen a bunch like that. Nonchalance and dark humor because well, that’s their job. Gore is the norm. Sure, depending on the area, your usual calls might just be lift assists, but other areas are neck deep in gang violence and violent crime.

A pretty common post on that subreddit is also, sadly, “I just got a call that’s never bothered me before but all of a sudden I’m broken” or “I’ve never had a problem running this type of call before but all of a sudden it just hit me.” Delayed trauma is a bitch. Someone pointed out that if a civilian saw a fatal car accident with multiple corpses, they’d be in therapy and given support and it’d be a huge deal. With EMS, they’re just expected to deal with it. (EMS mental health is getting better- there are helplines and resources and first responder focused therapies- but it’s still a developing field)

ANYWAYS, now that I’ve given you a crash course on the EMS mental health crisis (someone should really write a feature on EMS in Gotham those fuckers would be crazy and I love them already), my point is, how would this apply to the bats? Seeing bodies is treated as very much the norm to them, but do you think it ever just… catches up? The impact of seeing corpses day after day? Do you think they have to fake being fine and tough during those times because well, “everybody else in the family is fine with it, I’m not going to be a liability/burden/weak/etc”

Do you think Bruce, the goddamn batman, who shouldn’t be ruffled by anything, ever just feels something crack inside when he looks at a little boy who could have grown up healthy and strong like his Jason, had (Bruce) someone been there for him? and then he can’t work cases with kids for a week?

This is such an excellent ask, thank you so much for gracing my inbox with it!

It's a very good question. I'm also on a lot of those subreddits (needed to do some research for that fic) and the discussion in those forums and on TikTok is like you described, a kind of practiced desensitization to all gore and suffering in order to survive in their job.

What I've seen from those discussions (and my EMT friend) is an almost sub-conscious trend where they allow themselves the "thing" that breaks them, and they push a lot of that trauma and emotion onto that thing. Like an EMT saying they don't do kids, or they don't do gunshots to the eye, etc. And they'll sob like a baby on those calls, while remaining stone-faced and level-headed through the triple homicide.

I'm just theorizing here, but I imagine the Batfamily uses similar coping skills -- pushing all that trauma and suffering into a box which cracks only under limited, defined circumstances. And they break or snap only under those conditions, because, subconsciously, they allowed themselves to.

So yes, Bruce might be 99% fine with most of the bodies he sees, but there might be a little boy who has a detail (like Jason's dark hair) that just slams into him out of nowhere.

PTSD and trauma literally change the structure of the brain. Individuals react differently to trauma after that, but there does appear to be a "desensitizing" effect with repeated trauma, as the body tries to compensate.

I agree that the Gotham EMTs must be some crazy motherfuckers. They probably deal with 6x the normal shit EMTs deal with in other cities. They probably take on a lot more trauma and burn out quicker than other EMTs, too.

Anyone else have thoughts on this? I admit I don't cover PTSD explicitly in a lot of my fics.

#ptsd #trauma tw #ptsd tw #death tw #bruce wayne #dc #batman #myfic #theresurrectionist #batfamily #batfamily meta #bruce wayne meta #batman meta #asks

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lbxbx · 5 months ago

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I MISSED YOU TOO OMG.

I had my exam few days ago and it went pretty well but given the compitition and low selection ratio it gets tricky

About the exam I don't think so cuz it's a national level exam and the body that conducts the exam has denied all the unfair means. So lot of people are planning to go to court about it lol. It's messy and the only way a re exam is declared is through the court. Legal proceedings take time and it's honestly a mess. Plus when I wrote the exam almost 2.5 million candidates were there so conducting such a huge exam again is a hassle.

Honestly all of it has sort of made me give up on med school. Like it's just so frustrating. I did work hard but it wasn't enough. Also the system it's frustrating too. Like to get somewhere either you gotta be top 1% smart or filthy rich so you can hack the system. I am neither so it sucks.

How are you???? What have you been upto sjsksksks???

I can tell the screwed up system is everywhere, med school entrance fees in my country are crazy expensive so only rich people can afford.

There are like 6 subjects that all university students have to take like basic english language and computer skills and political studies so med students have to pay the highest price to take those subjects even when other students from other majors pay a lower price, it’s just so unfair that people have to give up their dreams cause they can’t afford it.

I’m doing pretty well, my work is killing me i used to have two days off a week but now i have only fridays off, i’m truly exhausted and i can’t find the time to do anything else, but i’m trying to cope and manage my time 🥴

Take care pookie bear and keep me updated when they finally decide something about that stupid exam 🥱

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littlelesbinonny · 1 year ago

Text

The Devil’s Den

Chapter 7: In Which Everything Shifts

::Mentions of alcohol/drinking, read at your own discretion::

You can read this also on Ao3 at:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46831621/chapters/117962293

You were nearly an entire bottle and a half of wine deep on this fine Friday night. Your music was blaring and you were having a grand old time dancing like an idiot as you tried drowning your sorrows.

It was a little pathetic.

But who could blame you?

You didn't. You knew your vices, you knew your coping skills, lacking as they were. But fuck!

The lady vampire who turned your world upside down vanished. A whole week, gone. No more feeling her near, no more catching her perfume on the breaths of the wind. You'd even gone back to the same spot you met her a second time several times over the course of the week, and nothing.

You still weren't entirely sure you hadn't lost your mind. There weren't any drugs you knew of that could last in your system to cause these long term hallucinations. So how could you chalk this all up to getting roofied somewhere? But, then again...

Nothing added up. You had just about driven yourself crazy trying to unravel this ball of yarn.

Deep down you knew this was all real, which was almost worse.

You could almost catch yourself needing to laugh maniacally about the whole situation; vampires were real???

What else about this life was a fucking lie or truth?

Whatever.

You did another jig across the kitchen floor as Maggie May by Rod Stewart came on.

"Wake up Maggie I think I got somethin' ta say to you! It's late September and I really should be baack at schooool - I know I keep you amuused - But I feel I'm bein' used - Oh Maggie I couldn't have tried, anymooOOoore! You led me away from home, juuust to save you from bein'aaalone - You stole my heart and thaaat's what really hurts... The morning sun when it's in your face reeally shows yooour age - But that don't worry me nooone, in my eyes you're everything..."

Going back to your pancakes you flipped the four and continued to drink your wine. It was about all you had left in your apartment and you knew you were going to need the carbs to soak up the alcohol so you weren't sick tomorrow. Plus, you loved pancakes.

As you were pulling them off the griddle your playlist took a nose dive into jazz and Louis Armstrong's La Vie En Rose began.

"Ah man, bit of a buzz kill," you muttered as you took a bite of the fluffy cake, eventually getting into the groove before too long.

"Actually... no, no this is good," you admitted looking down at your plate and glass of red wine, "great combo we got goin' on here!"

You grabbed another and stuffed it in your mouth, snatched your glass and wandered into the living room, moving elegantly with the tune. As you were humming along there seemed to be an echo, no, a different tone tangled in the air with you and the stereo.

It was then that familiar feeling finally broke its way through your inebriated barrier and settled into your system like a cat into a soft fuzzy blanket.

You froze, but not in panic.

Turning around slowly you found the shadow in the corner was not just your cushy chair.

There was undeniably a figure sitting in it.

A tall figure. And it was humming.

Her timbre was sultry and smoother than glass. Rich. Seductive. All encompassing.

Just like her.

You couldn't believe it.

She was back. In your living room. Slate colored hues boring into you once more.

Being inebriated was actually working in your favor at this point. You had reached the numbness stage of the alcohol, and thank god because had you gotten any farther you would have been a walking emotional garbage can on fire.

You took another sip of your wine as you watched her in the darkness, listened to her melodious voice, and did your best to keep your knees from crumbling away beneath you.

Apparently your playlist had come to an end as silence filled the space between you after the song stopped. You could make out the smirk on her face and something white in her hand.

"You know," she began, the warmth of her tone dripping off each word, "I didn't need an invitation... you had already given me permission when I brought you back that night."

You swallowed. Hard.

So it was true; she had brought you home, dressed you, taken care of you. Why?

"Then why have you been such a stranger?" you countered softly with barely a breath.

She smiled, seemingly completely at home sitting there cross-legged in your chair.

And you?

You. Were. Vibrating.

She rose, and holy mother of god she was so tall. You felt dwarfed. As she inched towards you you felt your bones rattling in your skin, her scent was filling up your lungs and you were pretty sure you whimpered. She was an other worldly phenomena and you just wanted to fall into her, head first.

Alcina lifted her hand and carefully traced a gloved fingertip over your jaw, catching your chin between her thumb and finger, tilting your face to hers as she admired you; intoxication and all.

Here you were. Within her grasp. Alcina's senses stumbled over themselves as your pheromones puffed off of you like pollen; the shaking of your flower buds? Her nearness, her touch, her smell. She knew. And, oh, how you were tantalizing, coaxing her insatiable needs. Had she not fed before she came, Alcina could not have been certain she could have restrained herself.

She locked you within her gaze, stoic face never giving way to her weakness.

Holy hell what was happening. All your mind could do was scream repeatedly to not fall down. She was so close and so beautiful. Clad in all black once again, everything hugged her perfectly, from her gloves to her coat to her pants and boots.

But why the turtleneck? You recall very vividly now the white dress she wore when you first met. The neckline wasn't plunging but it did her alabaster skin so many favors. Why hide such an exquisite work of art?

"Your mind never stops, does it." Alcina cooed.

No, it sure as shit didn't. And it had been working overtime since she came into your life.

"Never a moments peace."

Your reply hit home and Alcina considered you even harder. She knew precisely how you felt. Knew the plight of a mind so busy. Knew the relief that came if a silent moment ever did come. Knew how the seeking for said relief, for that moment of peace, could become just as tiresome.

She knew.

She knew... you.

Releasing your chin, a hum sounded deep in her throat. She was stepping onto a deadly battlefield, yet at this point in time all her fucks had flown.

Feeling slightly like your brain was short circuiting you grabbed the first phrase that popped into your mind; "Please don't run away again," you blurted, fearing she might slip away once more, and this time for good.

Alcina's crimson lips lifted back into an ever so gentle smirk, leaning into you, giving into the temptation that was wholly you, her lips almost touching yours. You didn't budge like she had half expected you to. So, she breathed you in deep. You smelled like wine and her fangs began to ache, "I won't," she reassured, nearly inaudible as she shoved her desires below the surface.

You shuddered violently enough you just about felt your soul exit your body. Shutting your eyes you took a breath, swallowed, and tried to keep your footing.

Drunk as you were, had this been any other situation you likely would have grabbed her and pulled her to you, crashed your lips into hers and fought her to your bedroom, ripped every article from her body and worshipped her until your body gave out. But somehow, for some reason, you were too terrified to do anything to spook her, lose her. You just wanted to keep her. In any way, shape, or form.

"What are you?"

Your question was so hesitant, scented with fear, but not the fear Alcina was used to. This was a fear of losing. Not of self preservation, to live and survive, not a fear of pain, or death. She pulled back but only slightly, jolted by the segue.

Where was your fear of her?

"You're not at all afraid of me, are you," she stated, eyeing you intently.

Brows furrowing ever so slightly, you licked your lips, "Should I be?"

Alcina couldn't help but hum again in contemplation of your quick counter. She really didn't know what to do with you.

"So... are you going to answer my question?" you tried again.

Alcina's eyes glittered as she pursed her lips, "You clearly remember what happened two weeks ago, and you're a very intelligent young woman; what do you think I am?"

You rapid blinked at how she skirted around that, a thousand and one more questions clawing their way to the surface. Was she testing you? Did she just not like saying it out loud?

"Listen, I'm 29 years old and until two weeks ago vampires were just myths, fiction in a story book, so you gotta understand... my entire view of the world was changed overnight... I am very, very confused. So, yeah, hearing you say it might make it a little easier to grasp," you chuckled softly, still grappling with the idea this was even happening.

She tilted her head, knowing how many ways this could all go terribly, terribly wrong, "Yes," she spoke deeper, "I am a vampire."

"Is that why you think I should be afraid of you?"

It was Alcina's turn to pause.

"It's usually common for humans to fear monsters, isn't it?"

"You think you're a monster?"

Alcina narrowed her slate colored hues, trying to decipher where you were going with this, wondering who was testing who at this moment, "Wouldn't you consider a brutal mass murderer of humans a monster?"

You observed her hard. Watching the spear of her defense fly through the air. It missed you, of course. Just a warning shot; an offer to back off or run right through.

You took the bait. Of course you took the bait.

"Humans brutally mass murder humans all the time... I don't see how you're any different," you offered softly but matter-of-factly, "I've met many monsters, they all look the same, but that's not what I see when I look at you."

Letting her off the hook this far in wasn't going to be an option so you needed to think quickly. You could tell she was considering this a game of chess. Sure, you knew she would be the better and more skilled player, but you didn't back down from a challenge, or a good game of strategy.

Or a game of cat and mouse.

"Please, tell me your name?"

What the fuck.

Alcina was starting to realize she had underestimated you in a deeply disconcerting way. She was starting to wonder if she would ever be able to successfully predict what or where you would go next. You were proving to be too satisfyingly tempting.

Standing there unmoved, eyes latched on yours refusing to show her falter, she took a deep silent breath and lowered her chin.

She knew this was the signing and sealing of a death contract the moment it left her lips.

"Alcina."

#alcina dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu/reader #alcina dimitrescu/female reader #alcina dimitrescu/original female character #lesbian #wlw #f/f #fanfic #fic #alcohol #drinking #slow burn #pining

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journeyss · 2 months ago

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Ok I’m starting this journey to the self I want to be physically & mentally. Like in every way I’m going to upgrade .

And the important part of that is me getting my thoughts out, not problem dumping on friends or family, holding my own emotions & ups and downs

It’s important to have a good support system for bad times or crazy time but I have to be honest with myself, I do not have the luxury.

I love the few friends I do have but I have to set boundaries in friendships (which I haven’t before & it bites me in the ass) something’s is just my business only, I don’t want to over share, I use to be so open because I thought if they knew they would handle me like a flower when I need it but that wasn’t the case so yea no over sharing what I’m going through is my business

And I can go to therapy but I honestly have normal average problems, it’s nothing I can’t handle

Wanting success so bad just make me anxious and I think it’s healthy anxiety, it’s nothing wrong with wanting more and wanting better. I just cope and keep it moving

I’ve been “down” for 2…3 years just trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. 1st year down was my art journey , which I’m still on , but I’ve accepted it more like a hobby even though I would love to monetize but it’s more of a coping mechanism when I need to regroup and get my mind right. I just discovered this

2nd year was 9-5 & trying to become a entrepreneur, that lifestyle didn’t work, but I gained a skilled that I can use for the rest of my life. So I win is a win

& this year , year 3 I decided to enter a completely different industry, love the work I do. It really feeds my mind & my wanting to keep learning. Very high stress but it gets better when I find a good work life balance.

I’ve came to terms with not having time for my many hobbies but they’ll always be there for me when it’s time to cope.

I have a little body dysmorphia right now because I want to get my body done. I’ve been “small” most of my 20s & I’ve accepted the fact that I’m just not going to get any bigger or curvier so let’s just put it there. I already eat fairly healthy & im committing to 2 days a week in the gym so now I just need the body lol and my body isn’t bad , I just want morrreee.

Goal #1 skinny bbl

Since I don’t have a a real system or family. I have to always be independent and self reliant. Going to nursing school is my biggest goal but its a journey with in itself but I’m excited. I always thought I was a healer, that’s why attract the people I do lol but my career also have to be meaningful and have impact. I have to feel like I’m doing something really important. & it always have been that way it sucks to say but having a good job has always defined me. Being successful has always defined who I am. Career isn’t life but I will feel really great when my grandma say “my granddaughter is a nurse” or when my future hubby say “my wife is a nurse” I want people to be proud to be connected to me. I just figured out why , I was never proud of anything growing up, the essay they make you write all the time “who is your role model?” I never had one and always made it up, I wasn’t proud of my mom or dad, I honestly wasn’t proud of anybody around me, it was so chaotic. I want the opposite for myself.

Goal #2 apply for nursing school

I would say all my other goals come after these 2 and aren’t as big and can easily be done just have to make the time & make a effort to make the time

I can admit I lost myself a little in covid, being best dressed has always been my favorite thing to do. And I completely let that go AGAIN but I’m rebuilding my closet and I’ll be back to it

Mini goal #1 get fresh & stay cute

Now I need a new car but I’m picky and I want one of my dream cars, Camaro, like I need that , I work so hard I can get that & I want it paid off. After my bbl this is next .

Goal #3 Camaro

They say money can’t buy happiness , but if u do the self reflecting and mental work to become a better person and your last step is a successful career. Money can definitely buy happiness.

Goal # 4 stay gracious

Cheers to reinventing myself , the bigger better me

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wetwasteofagirl · 3 months ago

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emdr for heff! part The End

I hope I can answer your questions! I don’t have autism so I hope my experiences can be helpful. MY mom did try to get me diagnosed twice as a child and then I had a neuropsych as an adult, and each time they were like “no she’s just weird.” Okay thanks! But still—this is something people don’t know & what I was saying last night about my post—bipolar is not ADHD but it will often imitate it because it’s the same brain stimuli gone fucking crazy. My bestie has pretty intense ADHD and he and I often share ADHD coping techniques. They help my life so much. They don’t always apply because some of the things that affect ADHD don’t affect me. But since I think there’s the whole AuDHD thing, they often go together, perhaps me and my pretend ADHD brain can be helpful to you too.

In terms of physically, I don’t have a very great digestive system lol, and it responds very poorly to stress and anxiety. This has only happened 2 times—the first intake session where I whipped out a bunch of things that are hard for me to talk about, and then one other time that I can’t remember. My stomach started hurting right after the session and it hurt and hurt the whole night. (My mom says the stomach stores a lot of grief in it, lol). This only happened twice, and it didn’t surprise me, and it didn’t last until the next day or anything.

I’ll say it can be very exhausting. Sometimes the session ends and it feels like my brain hurts, because sometimes it starts throwing thoughts/images at you that are a lot to process. This summer I haven’t had a session every week because of sickness/vacations, but in the spring I was having it every week and I was actually starting to feel a bit odd. It was shaking up some old, bad feelings, like bad self esteem (I have questionable self-esteem: sometimes maybe good, sometimes maybe shit), and some bad feelings that I thought I’d already worked through came back. It was interesting, because I decided this was because it was shaking up some things in my head.

I kind of equate EMDR to cleaning out a closet. I have a huge walk-in closet in my apartment which is amazing because I am quite the maximalist and have a shit ton of stuff. For yearssss I never organized it, it was full of piles of stuff, and it was getting me really stressed out. So here we have Thanksgiving in November and my job gave me a full week off for that which was really nice, and so I spent days of that week cleaning out my closet. Of course that involved taking basically everything out of it, going through it, vacuuming, filling trash bags, etc…it took days, and it was hard work, but I was very motivated to do it and by the end of the week my closet was beautiful. It’s been 8 months and it’s still beautiful and I love my fucking closet! There’s even extra space on the shelves now, which is amazing.

So my EMDR experience feels similar. I’m in the part right now where I spend days taking things off the shelves, sorting things, donating things, taking out the trash. When you’re cleaning and your place gets messier before it’s cleaner, that kind of thing. So that’s what the resurgence of the bad thoughts felt like! I think it’s from going into a hard place mentally and exploring hard, repressed stuff. Like having my younger self in my head saying she doesn’t trust me. That’s rough!!! I almost cried, and I’m not really a big Crier at Sad Things. That was hard to hear. So that’s going to shake up your mind! So I think you can’t have a lot of sessions at once—it’s probably good to take a break sometimes. It’s rough on the mind, but also really rewarding. I’ve had optimistic moments and moments where I’ve felt proud of myself.

A good therapist will also make use of the EMDR technique to do positive memories, coping skills, etc. I don’t respond well to most coping skills because my brain outthinks them. I’m like “yeah, I know what this is for. It’s just fake to make me feel better but it’s not actually fixing the problem!” But some of her coping skills are actually very effective, and after a couple of hard sessions, I did have better self-esteem and feel more optimistic after using the coping skills. That in itself is pretty cool.

I personally don’t have any sensory overload during the sessions, other than every once in a while feeling some intense emotions. But it’s not so bad on that front. I will say as a caveat that due to my combination of mental health issues I have a pretty high tolerance for mental distress. That’s the only way I’ve managed to still make it to this age—just being able to “put up with it” and keep going. Idk if I’m super qualified to say how distressing it is, because it takes a lot for me to be like “I literally can’t tolerate this.” But it’s definitely not that bad!

As for the intrusive memories, my trauma is different…there isn’t anything actually bad to remember:/ I’m kind of working on that concept right now, that a lot of the fears I’ve always felt weren’t based on something that was truly going to happen to me. It’s kind of hard to explain without just saying what it was, lol. So I don’t have that, but I do have these moments where I suddenly realize something I never thought of before and it’s very upsetting. But it feels productive at the same time.

Plus, a good therapist will check in and be like “how are you feeling about this part of the memory, where are you feeling it in your body, etc.,” so they’d be able to step in and help you. It ultimately feels very rewarding, and I feel very proud of myself for doing this. I said to my therapist the other day, I’m doing this to help the little girl inside, and I’m doing it to show that I care about her and that I’m independent and capable enough to be able to help her. When she was younger, she couldn’t get help, and now she wants the kind of help that an adult can’t get. My little self wants Mom to come save her. And that’s not how it works now as an adult, Mom can’t save me, and I as an adult don’t need that. But the little self thinks I do, and she’s unresolved, she needs the help, so she’s roaming around me bitter and angry. She’s like “I don’t care about your accomplishments, I didn’t get the help I need.” That kind of thing. That’s hard! That’s a crazy thing to have going on inside you. But it also feels great to address the little self (or whatever age the trauma is coming from) and say no, I do care about you and I’m going to help you.

Also, any amount of “shaken up” I might feel after a session doesn’t last till the next day or anything. It’s temporary if I feel it at all.

I don’t know if this answered any of your questions! Also, feel free to always ask me any more questions.

I would say it’s probably something that’s worth it. If it’s hard for you to handle a lot of thoughts and emotions coming at you, it could be an intense experience, but if that’s something you can power through, I think it’s really rewarding. By the way, I’m not putting a value judgement on this, if that kind of thing is hard for you I don’t think it’s a weakness at all. There’s just a family stubborn trait, and I have it, and I kinda take a beating mentally constantly, so I’m used to kind of toughing things out. But I don’t even think it’s that dramatic! Just know you might see something weird in your mind, or something unexpected, and you might feel tired, but it’s for a good cause, it’s to help you and that alone is an empowering feeling!

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realm-sweet-realm · 3 years ago

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How would your batim couples raise crying child from fnaf?

Interesting question! It would sure be nice if, a week or so before the bite of ‘83, something happened to William that would allow me to take the poor kid and put him somewhere where he could get some stability and parental love, and if I ignored the differing time periods the games are set in so I could think about how canon ships would parent. (Also I’m gonna call him Evan, just because I gotta call him something!)

Abby and Lacie: this couldn’t be much more perfect. They’re both looking to have a child and could be responsible with one. Abby in particular is well-connected with her family and knows what good parenting looks like. They’re also both incredible role-models when it comes to resilience and self-sufficiency, so they’d be more than capable of teaching him some much-needed coping skills. They also have very different skillsets and interests, so no matter what the kid takes interest in, it’s likely that one of them could support him in it. 12/10, these two would be great parents and could raise a kid to take on the world.

Henry and Linda: they’ve already got four kids, so while they aren’t looking to add another one, they’d be capable of it. Evan would have siblings that treat him well, and I’ve always seen Henry as a good dad, although Linda is home more often. He’s the kind of person who could be your rock. 10/10, great place to realize that the world isn’t so unfriendly after all.

Thomas and Allison: being responsible for a traumatized child is something Tom is pretty sure he’s seen in his nightmares. But he’d probably calm down over time and realize that not only is he not messing the kid up, but just being in a stable environment is causing him to improve by miles. He and Allison would actually make pretty good parents, with Tom’s strictness and concern balancing out Allison’s leniency and nonchalance. And they’re good role models when it comes to toughness. 9/10.

Jack and Sammy: This would work. Sammy would be nervous about it- he likes quiet, neatness and consistency in his home and isn’t sure how he’s going to adapt to having a kid around, not to mention how busy he is with the studio. Jack would be a lot calmer about it- he’d be upset that Evan ended up in this position, of course, but Jack has always wanted to adopt a kid. Jack would be the more involved parent, with Sammy stepping in sometimes to be the bad cop (Jack would probably be way too easy on him. But he definitely wouldn’t want for parental love). 8/10.

Grant and Shawn: this could put a lot of strain on them and their relationship, but they’re both good with kids. Shawn has a ton of younger relatives that he’s helped with, and he could bring him toys from work and tell him all his crazy stories about growing up in rural Ireland. Grant has been responsible for children before, so he knows what he’s doing, plus he probably knows a thing or two about keeping anxiety under control, and Grant could help him academically (might come in handy since Evan may have inherited some of his father’s brilliance). They’d be able to give Evan a stable home. On the negative side, Grant is stressed out and tired enough without a kid to look after, and Shawn would resent the loss of freedom. Grant might also resent always having to be the responsible one once a kid is in the picture. Overall, though, it would be fine. 7.5/10- some problems, but also some strengths.

Sammy and Susie: This... isn’t a good time for them. While Susie did want to become a mother someday, she meant five or ten years in the future, and not now when she’s trying to establish a voice acting career. Sammy, similarly, is very busy with his job. Nonetheless, they’d still be more involved parents than William, and despite his emotional fragility, Evan is pretty self-sufficient since he’s used to not having much support. Overall, I think they would get along well enough with him. Susie in particular I can see enjoying some mother-son activities with him. 7/10, they’d do okay.

Sammy and Joey: where to even begin. Well, for starters, Sammy doesn’t live five years past the point where he started dating Joey and Sammy was in a really bad mental place even before the ink. Their relationship was also unhealthy to say the least. Evan would have to watch to Sammy succumbing to ink infection, and if he’s unlucky, might witness Joey abusing his partner. On a very small plus side, Joey would treat Evan well- fuel his imagination with stories, teach him to follow his dreams, and maybe try to teach him some Illusion of Living ideology. Overall, though, it would be a very tense and unstable home for a kid, and Evan would definitely come out of it having to do a lot of work on his own to recover from trauma and become well-adjusted. -100/10, this isn’t good for anyone involved.

#bendy and the ink machine #lacie x abby #henry x linda #allison x thomas #sammy x jack #grant x shawn #susie x sammy #joey x sammy #five nights at freddy’s #evan afton #thanks for the ask #creepyalienghost

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flashflashhundredyarddash · 3 years ago

Text

Shove You Out the Door

Jaime regretted not letting the Reach invasion happen.

The day started out fine. He spent two hours stressing over what to wear to the movies before he covered up his shirt with the same blue hoodie that he wore all the time anyways. When he showed up 20 minutes early for their noon showing Bart was already there, wearing shorts in deference to the early summer Texas heat, and Jaime had the very unchill thought of legs sjdjfnee and Khaji Da offered to eliminate The Impulse, even though Bart had been Kid Flash for two years already. Bart spotted him and quickly latched onto Jaime's arm, pulling him into the theater and chattering away about whatever sci-fi movie Bart had picked out.

They went to a diner afterwards, and when Jaime blew his straw wrapper at Bart he laughed in delight. When Bart got up to go collect 50 more straws and sat back down he slid into the booth next to Jaime, and Jaime panicked because oh god, are they on a date? Jaime meant for it to be a date and then had freaked and not actually said anything to confirm it was a date so technically they were just hanging out and Bart was fiddling with the woven bracelet that Milagro had made for him that he wore everywhere because actually Milagro was his best friend now, sorry Jaime-

Then Booster Gold sat in the booth across from them.

Jaime didn’t realize it was Booster Gold at first, so he cleared his throat and said, “This table is a little occupied,” and Bart blew a straw wrapper into the side of his face.

The man who had so rudely sat at their table and interrupted their maybe-date opened his mouth before Bart interrupted him. “Hi Booster Gold,” Bart said.

Booster Gold closed his mouth. “It’s just Michael right now, actually,” he said. His blond curly hair was dark at the roots and when he smiled Jaime felt awe at how white his teeth were.

“Can we… help you?” Jaime asked, because he wasn’t sure why a random member of the Justice League decided to look for one or both of them. He had the thought that maybe he was actually an alien or shape-shifter and was coming to kidnap them or kill them or something, but then dismissed that thought because that was stupid, and also why would an alien disguise itself as Booster Gold to come kill them?

“Actually, I was hoping I could help you,” Michael said with his perfect, shiny teeth. He spread his hands out and magnanimously stated, “I have decided to offer my esteemed superheroing services and mentor the new Blue Beetle.”

He glanced back and forth between Bart and Jaime.

“Which one of you is Blue Beetle?” he asked.

Jaime choked on his drink.

“Me,” Bart said, immediately, “I’m Blue Beetle and I definitely need your superheroing services.”

Jaime put his hand over Bart’s mouth and very pointedly did not react when Bart licked his palm. Bart could never understand the pains of being an older brother.

“I’m Blue Beetle,” Jaime said.

“You’re both Blue Beetle?” Michael asked.

“Yes!” Bart shrieked.

“No!” Jaime said.

“This mentoring thing is already so complicated,” Michael sighed.

“Look,” Jaime said, wiping his hand off on Bart’s shirt, “it’s not that I don’t appreciate the offer, but I’m a little confused. I don’t think our skill sets are really… compatible.”

“I get it,” Michael said. “You’re the Blue Beetle and I’m a time traveler from the future. On the surface we have nothing in common.”

“Wow,” Bart said, “You’re from the future? What’s that like? Has the world been invaded by crazy bug aliens?”

“What?”

“Ignore him. Like I said, I appreciate the offer, but I feel like I’ve got this handled. Besides…” Jaime couldn’t help the bit of hurt that bled into his voice, “why didn’t you ever show up when I first got the scarab? I could have used a mentor back then.”

Michael sighed again and rested his face on his hand. “I don’t know. When Ted died, I just… I just didn’t cope well, I guess. He’d been my best friend for so long and… yeah, you didn’t deserve to have to deal with that, kid.”

“Wait, you actually knew Ted Kord?” Jaime said, leaning forward.

“Yes?” Michael said. He reached for a chain around his neck and pulled at it to reveal the ring that had been tucked into his shirt.

“Oh shit,” Jaime said. “I’m sorry, man.”

Michael waved him off. “Yeah, yeah, grieving widow. But anyways, I’m cool now, I did the whole therapy thing, and since I was married to the last Blue Beetle, I figure that makes you my, like, step-protege or something.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Jaime said.

“Oh man, if you had showed up last week we would’ve gotten you something for Father’s Day,” Bart said, “Like a custom shirt that says world’s #1 guy who was married to the guy who was actually supposed to be my boyfriend’s mentor. World’s #1 replacement mentor.”

Jaime abruptly turned to look at Bart. “Boyfriend?” Jaime squeaked.

Bart squinted his eyes at him. “Have we not been dating for two months?”

“Should I go?” Michael asked.

“I thought maybe we were dating but I wasn’t sure? I do want to date you but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to date me.”

Bart huffed out a laugh. “You are so dumb. I don’t share food with just anyone. Also I already have my prom dress picked out so you just need to get a red tie.”

“I have a red tie!” Michael shouted, making them both jump. “I have like five hundred ties. Boom! You’ve just been mentored.” He pointed at the basket of fries in front of Jaime. “Are you going to eat those?”

Jaime slid the fries over to Bart.

“Oh my god,” Bart said, sounding a little choked up, “I love you so much. I will even let you eat some of these.”

“Am I nailing this boyfriend thing so far?” Jaime asked.

“Oh, totally, babe.”

Jaime nodded to himself. He was totally nailing this boyfriend thing.

“Ah, young love,” Michael said, getting up. He patted his pockets for a minute and then stopped. “I was going to pay, because I’m a mentor now, but I don’t know where my wallet is.”

“Don’t you own a quarter of Kord Industries or something?” Bart said.

“So! I’ll see you around, Blue, Blue’s boyfriend. Maybe you could help me out on a patrol or something. That’s what Green Arrow does with his kids, I think.”

“Sure, man,” Jaime said, deciding to throw him a bone. “See you around.”

Michael smiled brightly and then scribbled his number onto a napkin before leaving the diner, the bell tinkling behind him.

“Oh my gosh, did you see-” Bart started.

“His teeth!” Jaime finished.

Bart nodded aggressively, his auburn hair flopping. “I have never seen a man with more beautiful teeth. Well, except maybe yours.”

“You’ve got a pretty nice smile, too.” Jaime said, and reminded himself Bart couldn’t hear the way his heart fell out of its rhythm for a second.

“Yeah,” Bart said, leaning in, “Maybe we should compare notes.”

#author's note: booster knew how to find them bcus anyone whos anyone in the super community knows blue beetle and kid flash hang out #all the time so he just asked barry lol #blue beetle #bluepulse #jaime reyes #bart allen #kid flash #impulse #michael carter #boostle #booster gold #dc #young justice #yj #the burd squawks #fanfics #the burd writes #also milagro thinks jaime is lame but thinks bart is SO COOL FOR SOME REASON

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atlabeth · 3 years ago

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transferred part 20 - atla smau

part 19 | masterlist | epilogue

summary: trying to run from your past is hard, but falling for your brother’s roommate is even harder. little do you know that he’s falling for you as well.

a/n: me when i have to write more than 5 words in a series thats supposed to be a smau

anywho! basically the last chapter?? which is crazy?? filled with heartfelt emotions and the moment that you've all been waiting for, it's a wild ride. so strap in and enjoy. the epilogue will be posted later today so i can finally wrap this series up!! and dont worry theres a super long sappy authors note on the epilogue. LETS GET INTO IT

wc: 2.3k

warning(s): cursing, mentions of alcohol, hurt/comfort, one suggestive comment, mentions of toxic relationships, reader talking about her self sabotaging behavior and burnout, Bad Coping Methods (dont disappear kids)

“You haven’t seen her?” Zuko sighed as the same words he had heard on repeat for the past hour played through his ears again. “It’s alright, thank you. Have a good night.”

He shook his head at his friends, their defeated expressions mirroring his own as he leaned against the kitchen island. He ran an exhausted hand through his hair, and he couldn’t help but think of the countless times you had done it for him.

“Your sister doesn’t play when it comes to theatrics,” Aang lamented as he plopped on the couch next to Sokka.

“Tell me about it,” he muttered. “I mean, she doesn’t pull stuff like this. Sometimes she went over the top when she was younger, staying out a little too late or doing something stupid, but she never just… she never just tried to disappear like this. I.. I guess she was too worried about Katara and me to do anything like that, but still.” He knocked back the rest of the seltzer and tossed the can on the table — alcohol was tempting, but none of them wanted to be any less than completely aware tonight.

“We all knew she was hurting,” Sokka continued. “Not even she could be fine after everything that happened with Hahn, especially the day after, but I— I guess I thought that she would open up before just dropping off the radar completely!

“No news from the girls,” Aang announced, prompting a collective sigh from the other two boys. “I gotta give it to her, she’s been very thorough with this.”

“Of course she has. It’s classic Y/N — she can disappear without a trace, sure, but she can’t put enough effort into picking up some supplies for my project on her way home.” It was a lame attempt to lighten the mood, and though he got a weak chuckle out of Aang, it was radio silence on Zuko’s part.

“Hey, buddy.” It didn’t snap him out of his reverie, and Sokka seriously contemplated throwing his empty soda can at him. “You okay?”

“She didn’t even say anything to me,” he finally murmured, eyes trained on his phone screen. “She said she would tell me if she was having a hard time, but she didn’t say anything to me. Just suffered in silence until it got so bad she just up and left. She just… left. Without a single word to anyone. To me.”

Aang’s eyes softened and he let out a loose exhale. “Zuko, she didn’t mean to hurt you — I know that much. She’s just been under a lot of stress lately, and… I guess it didn’t manifest in the best way.”

“Stress...” he muttered, trying to piece it together. There was something nagging at the back of his skull, something on the tip of his tongue, but he just couldn’t get it. “And you guys are sure she hasn’t put anything anywhere? No texts that you missed, nothing?”

“Believe me,” Sokka said. “I’ve refreshed her pages a thousand times by now. It’s radio silence on her side. God, I wish I was more invasive and put like, a tracking device on her car or something! For all we know, she could be back to Kyoshi.”

Kyoshi. Stress. This whole thing, your disappearing act.

And suddenly, it clicked.

Zuko stood up abruptly, nearly knocking over the stool in the process and warranting puzzled looks from both of his friends as he grabbed his keys off the table and practically ran to the door.

“Zuko, where are you going?” Aang questioned.

He tugged the door open and shot a glance back at them, tension having noticeably dissolved from his shoulders.

“I know where she is.”

Zuko tapped idly against the steering wheel, once again glancing down at his phone screen but to no avail. His relationship with you had become infinitely more complicated since the kiss through fault of both of them — he supposed that was what happened when two people who didn’t know how to talk about their emotions caught feelings for each other. Zuko was very skilled at sticking his foot in his mouth whenever he tried to talk about anything like this, and

But you had accepted his offer to talk on the way home, so that meant something.

He had originally suggested just talking on the way home like he had proposed earlier, but you had a different idea. ‘Trust me,’ you had told him. ‘It has a good track record with making people feel better.’

Your proposition was a wildflower field on the outskirts of the city, just out of the way that someone would go en route to the university. Far enough from the city to emanate an aura of peace, but close enough to be a feasible trip.

“I found this place when I was missing home,” you smiled as he parked the car. “I love it here, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I just feel homesick for Kyoshi. You passed a field like this on the way into town, and when I stumbled here, it just kinda felt like fate. So now whenever I’m stressed, or overwhelmed, or just need a break, I come out here. And I think this is the perfect place to talk about… well, whatever’s going on with us.”

“Sounds good.” He returned the sentiment then cleared his throat. “As long as we don’t go in there. I can admire it from afar, but just looking at that field is making my skin itch.”

You laughed and nodded amiably. “Deal.”

One hand was splayed against your chest, the other trailing lazy circles with the pads of your fingers against the metal as you gazed up at the sky. You had the best and only seat of the view, the flora drifting softly in the night breeze as the stars twinkled from above.

You didn’t know what you were thinking, being here. The past couple of weeks had just been… crushing you. It was like your heart was stuck in a vice and no matter what you did, it just got tighter and tighter.

You had been treating everyone you knew horribly, but you couldn’t stop. It felt like a game — how terribly could you act towards them until they snapped too? Until your friends, your siblings, Zuko, recognized that they had made a mistake by trying to help you?

And you didn’t know what it was about today, but… something inside of you just broke after that morning with your roommates. So you did what you were best at, and you ran. Skipped class, skipped work, just drove around aimlessly until even that was starting to feel like too much of a trap.

And then you ended up here.

It would’ve been laughable if you weren’t on the verge of breaking down.

You had been here, just laying on the hood of your car parked a few feet away from the field on an off road path, for the better part of an hour. If you were going to drown underneath the weight of your thoughts, it was better to do it alone.

But as you heard the crunching of gravel underneath car tires, your eyes instinctively shot towards the noise — so much for being alone — and you sat up. Your brows furrowed in recognition, you knew that car, and it felt like your heart was going to beat out of your chest when Zuko stepped out.

“You remembered,” you breathed after a moment of silence. “You’re here.”

“Always.” He said it so obviously, so easily — why wouldn’t he remember? Why wouldn’t he be here?

You scooted over to make space on the hood and patted the space next to you softly, pulling your knees up to your chest in a moment of shame as he walked around to the front and pushed himself up next to you. What were you going to say to him? What could you say?

“I’m sorry,” you said out of the blue, your words pouring out of you like an emotional waterfall. “I’m sorry for just— for just leaving, I know it was stupid and I know they’re all probably worried out of their minds, but I couldn’t do it, Zuko. I-it was like I was trapped, and I know it was irrational, but I had to get out of there—”

“You didn’t have to,” he said quietly, effectively stopping your rant. “If you really had to get out, you could’ve at least said something to one of us. I don’t know what things were like back at Kyoshi, but here— here, you can’t throw yourself back onto the knife every time something goes wrong, because— you just can’t do that anymore.”

“I’m not mad, believe me, I’m relieved that you’re okay. I just..” he sighed and glanced up at the night sky, the light of the moon illuminating his features as he faced you once more. “I know you’ve felt alone before, but you’re not. You have Katara, and Sokka, Suki, Toph— you have me, Y/N! And I’m not going anywhere, trust me, but— but you can’t keep doing this to yourself, because they care about you, and I care about you.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and chose to concentrate on the hood of the car, tapping your fingers against the metal as a way to use up your nervous energy. “You’re… you’re right,” you said after a long moment of silence, the beginnings of a mirthless smile on your lips.

“After that night at the party, I just— I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened. There was a part of me that just wanted to lock myself in my room and never come out, but I— I told myself I was better than that, and I refused to let myself fall back onto any of it. So I worked. I took extra shifts, I helped out my professors, I did anything and everything I could to try and keep my mind off of Hahn. But I wasn’t helping anything, I was just… I was destroying myself. It was just like you said. I was a candle burning at both ends but still convinced that I was doing the right thing, and eventually.. I just couldn’t take it anymore. So I ran.”

“And— there’s always been this… this voice in my head that pops up after things in my life are going good, and it tells me that something is going to go wrong. A-and it tells me that if I’m the one that ruins it, then I don’t have to ask myself what I did wrong, if I could’ve stopped it from happening— if it’s inevitable, then I should be the one to ruin it. It’s how most of my relationships ended, and— well, the only thing it’s succeeded in is making me miserable.”

You don’t even notice your hands are shaking until you feel Zuko placing his own over yours — a simple gesture asking an unsaid question, one you answer by intertwining his fingers with your own.

“That same voice popped up again once I started getting close to you,” you admitted quietly. “And this whole time, I’ve been so terrified of falling that I never considered you would catch me. But I’m tired, Zuko. I’m tired of constantly looking over the edge.”

As you turned your head to meet his eyes again, your breath caught in your throat at his close proximity. You were sure that no matter how much time you spent with him, your heart would never stop beating out of your chest for Zuko.

“I will always be there to catch you,” he affirmed softly. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

And just like before, he brought his hand to the side of your face and tenderly brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear. His hand, slightly calloused but emanating comfort all the same, lingered on your cheek for a moment before he posed the question.

“Can I kiss you?”

You nodded, and his lips captured your own immediately. You reciprocated with an almost desperate fervor and— and it just felt so right. You had grown so accustomed to the constant warmth he carried with him that it had become a part of you, he had become a part of you, and now a life without Zuko was just unimaginable.

He was right — he already was there to catch you, each and every time. Giving you endless rides when your car broke down, sitting through the world’s most boring anthro projects, letting you bare your soul to him, telling you it was all going to be okay when nothing felt okay, and managing to find you when you had gone out of your way to not be found. And all of it— it all made you realize.

You didn’t want to keep running. And you didn’t have to. Not anymore.

Zuko pulled away and pressed his forehead to yours, breathing slightly labored as the two of you sat in comfortable silence. That is, until you broke it.

“So,” you started, a nervous chuckle following. “Are we… are we a thing now?”

You could tell that caught him by surprise by the laugh that escaped him, a sound of unfiltered joy. “I’d say that we are.”

You could feel the heat rushing to your cheeks once more as he slid off of the hood of the car and held out his hand, an offering you took happily. “We should get home,” he said, somewhat reluctantly. “It’s past midnight, and—” Zuko glanced at his phone and grimaced. “They’re all still worried out of their minds.”

“Right,” you muttered. “I’m gonna get the lecture of my life from Sokka and Katara.”

“Probably,” he chuckled. “But they’re just doing their job as concerned siblings.” He pressed a chaste kiss to your forehead and glanced back at his own car. “I’ll see you back at the apartment?”

You nodded, an uncontrollable smile pulling at your lips. “Thank you, Zuko. For this, and— for everything.”

He returned the sentiment, golden eyes filled with adoration.

“Always.”

if your name is crossed out it means i can’t tag you!

perm taglist: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin

transferred: @ourbestfriend-mishacollins @lil-lex1 @xxshad0wxb1rdxx @zuko-is-the-sun @akiris @irohs-teapot @thatarthistorynerd @charlenasaxen @minninugget @marvel-ousnesss @count-thotticus @what-ye-egg @furblrwurblr @thesstuff @mariachiii @ietss @dizzy-miss-lizzieeeeee @xbarrjallenx @tommy-braccoli @dreamsluvrr @floofybread @thelovelylolly @lin-biefong-is-my-life @tiffanyy-21 @sistheselenophile @theincredibledeadlyviper @bakugouswh0r3 @loganrwebb @mikaslilworld @matsunshine @iris-suoh @aizameow @h3llbun @kozuelle

atla: @marianne1806

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hedgehog-hell · 3 years ago

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Ok so yet another hc time because I’m not sane

Kris is agender, autistic, and aro/ace. They make lists as a coping mechanism and chew on stuff all the time (including moss. They like the texture.) Noelle got them chewlery for Christmas once and they chewed through it in like a week. They’re a little shit and get mad at the player because they just wanna cause problems on purpose. Eye contact doesn’t make them particularly uncomfy, but they suck at regulating it so they kinda stare into your soul from behind their bangs when you talk to them. Their eyes are their most expressive facial feature.

Susie is a she/her enby, an ace lesbian and like 30 flavors of mentally ill (yet still undiagnosed). She also chews on stuff as a stim but if she were ever to get chewlery it wouldn’t even last a day. She likes the texture of chalk but will puke if a cucumber gets anywhere near her. She does shed her skin, but more like a sunburn than most reptiles. She only owns two sets of clothes and frequently has to fend off both the dreemurr’s and the Holiday’s offers to get her a better wardrobe. Her parents are as absent as they can legally get and she pretty much provides for herself (except for Thursdays, when toriel insists on her and Noelle coming over for dinner, and fridays when her, Noelle, and Kris go out for fast food and have movie night). She’s essentially the older sibling friend.

Ralsei is Autistic and queer, and critically low on social interactions. Hugs are his and kris’ favorite form of dpt and help them both calm down. However, when he starts to develop potentially romantic feelings for kris, they become more uncomfortable (not only because they’re aro, but also [mostly] because ralsei is so much like azzy). He doesn’t buy into gender roles at all and likes dresses and nail polish and makeup. He’s the youngest child friend 100%.

Lancer is just a lil guy :3. The spade king was a bit emotionally unavailable and manipulative, and Queen wasn’t around as much as she would have liked to be after her and king separated. Rouxls did his best, but the kid ended up getting traumatized and not having great social skills anyways. He latched on to Susie when he first saw that she wasn’t quite as dangerous as she seemed because he felt safer with someone big and scary like her looking out for him. Now he has a family worth having with rouxls and Queen as his dads and Suz being his big sibling, and all without his king getting hurt.

Noelle is a trans lesbian with really bad anxiety. (Obviously) Susie and Noelle are in love and kris is also in a qpr with them both and jokes about being their gf (good friend). She stays home when she sheds her velvet (Susie and kris think it’s super metal but it’s still distracting and kinda disturbing so she does it more for her classmates). Her mom’s hardly ever around, and Dess is… MIA. and now that her dad’s in the hospital, she spends a lot of time alone in her house and at kris’ place. Sometimes she has “crazy parties” (which are really just her, Suz, Kris, and Berdly playing games on her big ass tv)

Berdly is a bisexual trainwreck with adhd (on entirely the wrong meds) who is too nervous to admit that he uses all pronouns despite all her current friends not being cis (he is, but only using he/him just feels wrong). He messes with their feathers when they’re bored or understimulated and it makes them look kinda messy despite the time she takes every morning to make sure she looks good. He won’t EVER tell anyone, but after he got over Susie he started to have a little crush on a certain goat prince from their “dream”. Video games give her the dopamine boost he so desperately needs and they bounce between one game to the next with their hyperfixations.

#YES IM DRAGGING MY CRACKSHIP INTO THIS #deltarune #deltarune hcs #Berdlei #bersei #noelle holiday #berdly #kris dreemurr #susie deltarune #ralsei deltarune #lancer deltarune

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stanknotstark · 3 years ago

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Toxic + Toxic = Healthy

Summary: You and Loki break up. Both of you deal with it uncharacteristically. Loki sleeps with girls that look like you and you mess around with Thor in retaliation. It’s all very healthy stuff here.

You and Loki had had an unceremonious falling out a couple weeks ago and called it quits on the relationship you had built. You had been dating for 6 months but Loki had started an argument about how you didn’t love him, that you lie to him, that you probably sleep with men behind his back. Everything was false, of course, you’d never do that to Loki and it hurt that he even thought that. So, you told him that you need some time to think and Loki having to have the last word said maybe breaking up is the best option. You agreed and while you saw the shock in Loki’s eyes at your agreement you were too pissed to care and left.

What makes it awkward is that you both live in Stark’s tower and still have to interact with each other. What makes it even more awkward is that the rest of the Avengers walk on egg shells every time they’re in the same room as the both of you.

You’re taking it like a champ, you feel. You only cry about it when you go to sleep at night, in the privacy of your own room. Sometimes when you spar with your teammates you might hit a bit harder than necessary. You even manage to speak with Loki civilly. On the outside it would appear that you’re completely fine with the break up, but on the inside and behind closed doors you’re literally falling apart. You’re sure the only person who realizes this is Natasha because that woman sees everything.

You almost lose your composure the first time you see Loki bring a girl back to the tower. It’s only been three weeks and he’s already whoring around. You’re livid, he claims to love you then gets over you in three weeks? Bullshit.

What you fail to realize at first is that the girl he brings to the tower kind of looks like you. It isn’t until you’re in the kitchen eating breakfast that you realize this. She comes in, only wearing one of Loki’s too large t-shirts and enjoys a bowl of cereal with you.

You don’t get mad at the girl, you’re mad of course, but she’s not the problem. She doesn’t know what happened between you and Loki. She has no idea you even dated Loki. So you talk with her like you would any stranger. With a happy smile, a joyful voice, and morbid curiosity about having a new person in the tower.

“It’s really cool to see the tower from the inside. I always look up and imagine what you guys live like.” The girl says with a smile at you.

You smile back, “It’s pretty laid back, honestly. Nothing too exciting happens around here.”

“That’s what it looks like,” The girl laughs a light laugh, “I doubt I’ll ever come back, Loki said it was a one time thing, but I’m happy I got the chance anyways.”

You squint at the girl when she’s not looking at you because she’s eating her cereal and question everything. Loki doesn’t do one night stands. That’s what the god had told you the first time you both fell into bed together. He had explicitly stated. “If I bed you, I mean to have you forever, I do not play games when it comes to courting.”

You hum at the girl and truly look at her. Her hair is cut at about your length and although the color is a tiny bit off it’s still in the same general shade as yours. Her features are vastly different from yours but her body shape is almost exactly like yours too.

At this conclusion you’ve thought of three things. One, Loki is trying to make you jealous. Two, Loki is showing there are many other girls just like you he can use. Three, Loki is still hung up on you and has really bad coping skills.

You bring you mug up coffee to your lips as you ponder over your conclusion and raise your eyes when Natasha walks into the kitchen. She raises her brows at the girl, with a glance to you, who introduces herself as Nat reaches in the fridge and pulls a carton of eggs out.

As Natasha waits for her pan to heat up so she may cook her eggs she questions the girl.

“What is it you do?”

“Oh, I’m an accountant for a small company here in-” The girl stops and looks at you, concerned when you start choking on your coffee, “-are you ok?” She asks, you nod still choking a little but get it under control.

“I used to be an accountant, I started out with a small company based in Colorado then moved here when Stark offered me a better job.” You tell her.

“Oh! I just started my job seeing how I just graduated, but it’s my dream to work for someone as significant as Tony Stark.”

You smile and nod, “I’ll put in a good word for you, see if we can get you a promotion you can’t deny.” You say, glancing at Nat who is smirking devilishly at you. You truly do want the best for this girl but at the same time you’d like to see Loki squirm with his one night stand working in the same tower he resides in.

The next time it happens is two days later. This time you’re in the common area with Bruce, teaching him how to play Minecraft at night when the elevator dings. You both look up and see Loki ravishing some poor girl on the elevator’s wall. They let out small moans and gasps. Then Loki turns and looks out the elevator to see you and Bruce staring at them, game completely forgotten.

You’re sure Bruce is wide eyed and blushing like crazy, you can’t see his face seeing as he’s turned towards the elevator. However, you control your face and look bored with a raised brow at Loki.

“My apologies, I thought I had pressed my floor.” Loki says.

The girl he was just basically eating up giggles and pokes her head around his body to look at you two.

“We’re really sorry!”

They both pull from each other but don’t truly stop touching, they’re just in a presentable position now. Loki pushes his correct floor number and you watch as they disappear in the elevator.

When Bruce looks at you he’s not blushing or wide eyed. He actually looks a bit green in the face.

“You ok?” You ask, confused.

“It’s wrong of him to do that to you. He’s smart, has to have his floor memorized. The only way he’d hit this floor was because he knows you’re here.” Bruce says with a sigh, the green hue in his face receding.

You chuckle, nodding to the controller in Bruces hand so he can continue harvesting his wheat.

“It’s ok, he’s always been really bad when it comes to coping skills.”

Bruce watches the TV as he harvests wheat but gives you a glance with a raised brow.

“The women he’s bringing to the building look like me. Or at least the first one did for sure, I wasn’t really looking at this one. The last one even had the same job I used to have.”

Bruce frowns at the TV then realization dawns on his face. “Now that you mention it, this girl did have the same characteristics as you...”

You hum with a small smile. “Loki is going to be Loki, I’m just trying my best to get over him and move on.”

You watch as Bruce pauses the game and looks at you with an evil grin. You’re a little shocked because you’ve never seen the doctor show any emotions like this. His eyes are far away in thought, but he smirks with malicious intent.

“What if you dated one of us? Not really, but in public you would kiss and hug, hold hands do all the couple stuff in front of Loki?” Bruce asks.

Your face must be shocked because Bruce chuckles.

Breaking from your shock you smirk back at the doctor. “And just who would I date?”

Bruce thinks for a second, “Well Loki....” Then you see a sinister look come over his face. “Thor.”

You gasp and slap Bruce on the shoulder, “That’s evil, Bruce!”

Bruce chuckles and shrugs his shoulders with a now timid look on his face.

“I live with a bunch of people that have perfected getting under each others skin, I’ve picked up on how to do it too.”

“I’ll talk with Thor later. Tell him of your nefarious plan, it’s genius!” You say relishing in the fact that you’ll be able to break Loki’s heart more, the god deserves it you justify.

You talk with Thor and kickoff the plan right away. The next morning, Loki actually comes in and has breakfast with his one night stand across from you at the table as you enjoy staring at the newspaper, waiting on Thor to come in. They’re being sickly cute, feeding each other, giggling, and just overall making you want to throw up. You know Loki is truly nothing like this, he’s just putting on a show for you.

When Thor walks in he gives a big good morning, throwing you a smirk Loki misses because he’s too busy kissing ass to his girl. Thor makes coffee for you and brings it over to you. When he sets it in front of you he says, “Just how you like it!”

Then Thor leans down and takes your lips into his. Thor really puts on a show and brings a hand up to caress at your jaw as he delves into your mouth with his tongue. When he pulls away you’re breathless and look up at him with adoration. Both the gods really know how to use their mouths...and tongues for that matter.

You lick your lips and look at the girl Loki brought home when she makes a remark.

“Looks like we’re not the only ones who got lucky!” She giggles.

You smile at her, glance at Loki who is glaring daggers into you, then look back up to Thor as you raise your coffee mug to him and say, “Thanks, sweetheart.”

Thor smiles down at you and offers to make you breakfast but you decline saying you need to help Tony with something. Before you leave the room Thor pulls you into another kiss, lets you go, and slaps your ass as you walk away. You give a small yelp and giggle. Enjoying every second you feel Loki glaring at you before you leave the kitchen.

You spend a few hours with Tony just talking as he works on his suit. You came down here to hide and be happy at the whole situation that had just happened. Tony laughs uncontrollably when you tell him what’s going on.

“This is either gonna turn into amazing make up sex or a really big argument.” Tony says, wiping a hand over his face, smearing it with oil.

You laugh as you sit on his work table, swinging your legs.

“As long as he hurts just as much as I do, I don’t care which one happens.”

“That’s toxic.” Tony states without malice. “But so is Loki so it kind of cancels each other out, right?” He asks, throwing you a devious look tapping his wrench to his chin as he does.

“Ya, we’ll go with that.” You say, jumping from the table, getting ready to leave the lab.

“Thanks for letting me hide for a bit.” You say.

“Anytime!” Tony says over his shoulder as you leave.

You’re walking down the hallway to your room when Loki materializes out of nowhere and pins your to the wall. His left hand pins your waist to the wall, his right hand is balled in a fist and rests on the wall next to your face. His face is inches from yours, absolutely livid.

“You play with fire without thinking about the consequences, sweetheart.” Loki spits out the nick name you used earlier.

“What? You didn’t expect me to fight back when you started fucking girls three weeks into our break up?” You ask through gritted teeth. “You were supposed to be in love with me Loki, if you were really in love you would have waited a bit longer.”

Loki’s face turns to regret before he gets angry again.

“You could have went for anyone other than my brother, you can’t act like you’re holier than me.”

You scoff and push at Loki who doesn’t budge. “You started it when you brought home girls that look like me. Making me think I was expendable, replaceable.” You say, your voice cracking when you say replaceable. “I may act like I’m fine all the time but my heart is in pieces Loki. You decided to take my heart and step all over it like I meant nothing to you!” You begin crying.

Loki furrows his brows at your tears, like he actually cares that he’s the one who made them fall.

You close your eyes so you don’t have to look at his face anymore. Silently crying there. You feel Loki wipe your tears with his right hand, his left hand keeps you pinned though which is smart because if you could break his grip you’d run from the situation. His right hand stops wiping at your tears when they stop falling and slides his hand down till it’s cusping your neck.

“That was not my intention.” Loki finally says in a soft voice.

You open your eyes and frown at the god. “So it was just you trying to cope in a really bad way...” You say, deflating in his hold but leaning into his hand. You haven’t felt his touch in weeks and your body is practically craving it. You hate that you react like this.

Loki gives a sad smile. “We are a concoction of toxic chemicals. We may not get a happy ending...” Loki whispers, his thumb caressing your jawline where his hand holds your neck, his eyes roaming over your face, “But I wouldn’t have it any other way. You’re worth every second.” Loki finishes, closing his eyes and kissing you.

You lean into the kiss, tasting Loki and losing yourself in his mouth as he dominates your weak fighting with tongue. His left hand comes up to grab your hair and pull at it causing you to gasp into his mouth. He practically swallows the gasp and moans. His right hand squeezes your neck then drifts down over your breast, making sure to flow over your nipple, and then grabs your hip in a bruising grip and pulls your body to arch into his.

When you pull from his kiss you look into his eyes and see nothing but love and lust. Then it changes to a frown and insecurity.

“Did you sleep with him?” Loki whispers, not sure he wants to know the answer.

“No.”

Loki sighs and uses both hands to hug you into his body, burying his face in your neck. When he pulls away to look at you you see the love there again.

“I love you.” He says sweetly.

You smile up at him, “I love you too.”

#loki x reader #angst #loki #reader insert #my writing #toxic + toxic = healthy #my thoughts on this is that this is SO toxic #but i wanted to write this situation and didn't know how to handle it without some toxicity #come on loki would be a TOXIC ex #he would constantly remind you why he is better than anyone you date #flaunt that he's completely fine even when he's not #at least pre ragnarok loki would

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weirdefilippis · 3 years ago

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Ser Aaron Hawthorne

It’s been a few weeks since Dark Fortress #3 was released, and we think it’s probably safe to start talking about it. But still, fair warning: ahead there be spoilers…

So we’ve been writing towards one panel for a long time.

And that image has been in our head because of one lyric from the song that has connected to Ser Aaron Hawthorne the most since we started writing him.

“And I know... if I’ll only be true to this glorious quest… that my heart will lie peaceful and calm when I’m laid to my rest.”

That is a line near the end of the classic “The Impossible Dream” which originated in Man of La Mancha, the musical about Don Quixote.

Nunzio’s mother is a linguist and literary scholar. And when he was growing up, Cervantes’ Don Quixote was a big part of his life. And as we got older, we both found ourselves saddened by how (to put it bluntly) anti-heroic the world has gotten.

We teach comic book writing and the number of students who invariably criticize Superman as ‘unrealistic’ by saying “If I got his powers, I wouldn’t do good things” is terrifying. Seriously, that says something about you, not about Superman or the world. But the fact that so many say it… that tells us something about the world. People laugh at or dismiss a character motivated by the desire to do good. Don Quixote fought to uphold those ideals. And he’s generally thought of as crazy.

When we pitched Knight Errant, we started with two characters from a tabletop RPG. The character in that game was named Anders Hawthorne. We pitched him with a different name (for obvious reason) but also changed a key thing about him. In our game, he was a big buffoon, a blowhard telling tales of his own greatness, looking like a fool while he worked in concert with his deft Squire to secretly save the world.

But our comic version (in addition to changing him to be unaware of Vaea’s skills and side-hustles) was more… broken. He was older, and had endured more than simply ridicule. He had seen the worst the world had to offer, and still strove to present a knightly ideal to the world. And that meant he had to self-medicate through drink.

It was through conversation with our editors at Dark Horse and the team at Bioware that these changes became more and more pronounced. And we started to realize that he was a Don Quixote figure dealing with alcoholism as a coping mechanism for his PTSD.

And the song came back to us. We knew that “The Impossible Dream” was the ideal he once fought to uphold, and he projected through his stories. And we knew his journey was to realize that he was, despite all the evil in Thedas, and suffering of his life, living that dream. That he had been ‘true to the glorious quest.’

And that was when we knew we’d need to see his ‘heart lying peaceful and calm’ and it would need to be ‘when he was laid to his rest.’

He was ready to lay down his life for Vaea’s crimes in Knight Errant #5. But we knew that wasn’t the right time. He would not be ready to die (and we would not be ready to write that death) until Vaea was ready to be the Knight who took up his cause.

And so we ended Knight Errant with both of them alive and building a new bond.

And we knew that if BioWare asked us to write more, this would be the arc of the story.

So we set out to show that he could inspire even a con artist to become a hero. But we knew that would end badly, and cause a setback.

And we knew that when our last miniseries was done, that he would be ready.

Sadly, that did not make us ready to let him go.

Writing his death was brutally hard for us. In following his story, both of us unpacked some of the issues we’ve had in loving alcoholic relatives. And he became family to us. And by showing his renewed drive to undertake a quest, we were often tempted to change course.

(We never thought about changing course just because people started to think his death was “too obvious.” In all honesty, it being obvious was because of time honored hero’s/heroine’s journey tropes that have been around so long because they work. And it was also because we were foreshadowing it. We can’t get upset if people see coming what we are trying to tell them is coming.)

In the end, it had to end this way. Before Dark Fortress came out, we posted song lyric images, and we went with Man Of La Mancha, from the same show. We didn’t do Impossible Dream. Because we knew what image would go with which line.

So here it is… the moment we wrote towards, the one we knew had to happen… and the one that wrecked us to see brought to life so well by our amazing collaborators.

Rest in peace, Ser Aaron Hawthorne. You were true to the glorious quest. And we know your heart is peaceful and calm now.

#dragon age #dragon age dark fortress #dragon age knight errant #ser aaron hawthorne #dragon age dark fortress spoilers #Dark Fortress spoilers

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fatiguing-thoughts · 4 years ago

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Change of Heart - Paul Lahote x Reader

Request: “Hey, since you don't feel comfortable writing about the poly imprinting thing the other anon suggested, I have an idea based on what they said that maybe you could write instead. So instead of the reader imprinting on both, a reaction type of thing for when the reader had a crush on one, but falls in love with the other with time. If it is preference style, you can get to show both situations (crush on Embry, but falls for Paul later and vice versa)”

this is the crush on Embry -> falling in love with Paul version

Having a mother who was obsessed with the beach was the reason that your life turned out the way it did.

That’s where you met your best friend, Embry Call.

His mother worked at the souvenir shop, she frequently brought him to the beach as well. So time after time of running into each other and playing together as kids-- you grew up hanging out all the time.

Despite you living and going to school in Forks, you guys saw each other at minimum three times a week. And as you got older, you only hung out more. Even into young adulthood.

You guys did everything together. School dances when your moms forced you into going, going to see the movies either of you were dying to watch, and simply hanging around doing nothing. It was like you were dating, but if dating meant that you were merely best friends. No kissing, the awkward touching of hands here and there.

But overall, you and Embry connected deeper than anyone else. You would stay up talking all night, picking the brains of one another’s minds. Listening to music together, singing your favorite songs. Sometimes you stared a little too long at his lips, but that was besides the point. You guys were friends.

I had grown quite the crush on Embry, but I knew deep down that it wouldn’t be worth risking the friendship. I could never risk anything awkward between us. I have never felt this comfortable around another person before, and I doubt that I would find it again. So holding Embry close to my heart as a best friend was an idea that I was well acquainted with. I’d grown to accept it.

Though, as time went on, he began to gain some newer friends, which was normal. What high school boy didn’t hang out with other boys? The only issue was, it seemed to tear into your Embry time.

It was fine, really. Embry’s happiness was my top priority. But when he finally introduced me to his friends, I’ll admit I felt pretty excited. To finally meet some new people, to find friendship in those other than Embry.

Embry was always my best friend, but it wouldn’t hurt to have a bigger circle. He spoke so highly of them all, how could I not be thrilled to meet them?

So when I did, I could say that I was both incredibly nervous, yet excited.

“They’re gonna love you.” He reassures me on our way to Jake’s house.

“How do you know that?” I ask, fiddling with the rip in my jeans.

“Because, I love you. You’re the best friend anyone could ask for. They’re gonna think you’re a lot of fun and super cool, because you are.” He smiles that signature Embry Call grin.

Friend. Ugh. Get it together, (Y/N).

“Thank you, Em.” I smile back.

“Of course.”

The drive to Jacob’s was quick from Embry’s considering they both lived in La Push. Pulling up into the house, Embry led me into the garage where they were working on Jacob’s project car, the rabbit. Embry would never shut up about it, his eyes brighter than the sun whenever he talked about how much fun it was, how he enjoyed finally being able to exercise his mechanic skills.

“Hey guys, this is (Y/N). (Y/N), this is Jacob, Jared, Quil, and Paul. We have a few classes together.” He points at them as he says their names.

“Hi.” I wave shyly.

“(Y/N), I know you haven’t been here yet, but don’t worry. I’ll quickly become your favorite. Don’t stress.” Quil walks over, putting his arm around your shoulder and chuckling.

“Oh great, thanks.” I roll my eyes. “You really weren’t kidding, Em. He’s nuts.” I giggle.

“Wow, okay. Thanks for putting in a good word, Embry.” Quil laughs, walking back to where he stood.

I quickly found myself growing comfortable, no wonder why Embry found good company in these guys. They were all so nice, so down to Earth.

One in particular caught my attention, Paul. He was handsome, well built for his age. He seemed to be just as friendly as the rest, too.

I watched as Embry and Jake worked on the engine, peering over the side of the hood.

“Do you know anything about cars?” A charming voice rings out behind me.

I turn over my shoulder and see Paul, I felt a blush begin to rise to my cheeks. Why did he get me so flustered for absolutely no reason?

“Uh, yeah. A little bit. Embry talks my ear off about them, plus I have some cars I like myself. But mechanical wise, they run circles around me.” I smirk.

“Nice. They’re teaching me a lot more, I’m probably at the same level you’re at.” He chuckles, his deep brown eyes piercing into mine.

“No you’re not, (Y/N) still runs circles around you. I’m the best teacher around.” Embry teases.

“Well, you heard it here first. Looks like I know more than you about cars.” I tease.

“Might have to teach me some stuff some time.” He smirks.

I felt the blush creeping onto my cheeks again, so I bent my head down, glancing down at my feet, before returning his gaze.

“Maybe.”

Embry looks between us, discomfort slightly showing on his face, which left me a bit confused.

The drive back to my house was a bit awkward.

“Is everything okay?” I ask.

“I just... I got the vibe that you and Paul hit it off really well. Which would be fine, but he’s a bit of a... player. I just, I don’t want you to go through that. He’s a great friend, but he’s not a good boyfriend.” Embry gently tells me, looking into my eyes with his chocolate brown ones.

“I see.” I swallow, looking out the window.

I was unsure of what to say. Paul seemed like a nice guy, but Embry wouldn’t steer me wrong.

Over the next few weeks, I began to spend more and more time with them all. I grew to adore them more than I ever thought I would, they were just as important to me as Embry was now, my romantic feelings finally subsiding for him. Quil quickly became the impish friend that Embry told me he’d be, Jared was an absolute clown, Jake was beyond friendly, very caring.

And well Paul... Paul was someone that really left me blushing almost constantly. He hung onto every word that left my mouth, and I did the same for him. He was sweeter than sugar to me, even if he was less of that to the rest of the group and everyone else. He had a certain softness in his voice, in his body language with me. Paul talked to me like I was the only person in the room, but Embry’s warning loomed over me like clouds over the rainy Forks sky.

As time went on, Embry warned me again. He even spoke to Paul about it, apparently. Paul had told me about it one night while we were talking just the two of us. We begun to hang out just the two of us, yet I never let him call it a date as per Embry’s warning.

While he was at first surprised I wouldn’t go on a date with him, he was persistent because he knew how I felt. He knew the connection we had. He was upset that I always reciprocated the flirting, but was always far too hesitant to make any larger moves.

“Embry, I haven’t seen any other girls since you brought her to hang out.”

“I don’t know Paul... I don’t want (Y/N) to be the same as every other girl for you.”

“She’s not, she’s different. You know that. I really like her, I never felt this before. She won’t say yes unless you’re okay with it.”

“Don’t make me regret this, Paul.”

“You won’t.”

Paul would hold my hand when I would get scared during horror movie night. He would pick me up for hangouts for the pure fact that he could drive me home, despite me being able to drive and having my own car. He would give me his hoodies when I would grow cold, whispering about how they looked better on me than him. Paul grew protective over me, always making sure that every adventure we took together, he would be there to make sure I stayed in one piece due to my clumsiness. Paul truly thought I was this fragile piece of glass that could shatter at any moment.

He would surprise me with my favorite drink from Starbucks when I was having a rough day at work. The way he would always have to touch me, whether that be resting an arm around my shoulder, holding my hand, or resting a hand on my thigh or lower back. All of the above sending my nerves in a frenzy. He was protective, slightly jealous. He didn’t like when guys checked me out, so he made it known I was his when he would press a kiss to my lips, then smirking at them, pulling me into him.

I loved the feeling of when he would pull me into his lap, his strong arms wrapping around me. The way he held me at night, like I was the only thing that mattered in the world-- it was a beautiful feeling. It was crazy to hear the stories of the hot-headed boy, because with me he wasn’t like that. He was patient, kind, and loving to no end. Did he have his moments where his temper would flare up? Of course. Everyone does, but I tried to help him get to where he wanted his temper to be. We worked on new ways to cope, we made a lot of progress for him.

He was everything you could ask for in a guy, he was nothing Embry warned me about. Everyone noticed that Paul had softened immensely, he was calmed down. He was “whipped” according to the guys, which I didn’t stop him from kicking Jacob’s ass for that one.

“Damn, Paul. (Y/N) trained you well.” Quil teases, only to be pulled into a headlock.

Our first kiss was sweet, it was gentle. Paul’s large hands held my face like he was holding the most fragile thing in the world. He treated me like a princess.

“Wanna go get lunch before we hang out with everyone? I’m buying.” He offers.

“Sure, but you’re not buying my lunch.” I giggle over the phone.

“Why not? It’ll be a date.” He chimes.

“I don’t know... What’s in it for me?”

“Uh, going on a date with the hottest and sweetest guy in all of La Push.”

“Oh, Jacob’s taking me on a date?” I tease, knowing that would drive him a little nuts.

“You’re gonna be the death of me, (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” He chuckles into the phone.

“I just might be, when’re you picking me up, Lahote?” I giggle.

“I’m actually outside already. Surprise.”

So we went out to lunch, and it was really fun. It always was a fun time with Paul. Going to hang out with the guys was great, though something was off with Jared. He played it off, continuing to tease Paul and I.

Embry grew to support Paul and I, though he told me he was my second pair of eyes. He was watching Paul like a hawk, hoping he wouldn’t break my fragile heart.

But when Jared got sick with mono and stopped coming around, I had to be there for him. He was beyond hurt when he saw Jared hanging out with Sam Uley. Why would he up and leave the group? No explanation, nothing. Jared avoided all of us like the plague.

Paul was devastated. That was his best friend, how could Jared lie to him? How could he ditch him like it was nothing?

The issue was, is that Paul had a hard time expressing his emotions. Even though he was sad about the situation, he grew to be angry. He would huff and puff, pacing the room, yelling about how Jared was being an asshole and how he had no idea what to do.

It was fine, really. You knew that he was going through the ringer and he still treated you like a princess.

“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t even realize how much I was yelling.” He would apologize, walking over to you sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for him to calm down after your attempts to do so were futile.

“I understand, you’re going through a rough time right now. But I’m here for you.” I smile, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“I love you.” He presses his forehead against mine.

“I love you, too.”

Chills ran up my spine, I had felt butterflies like never before. Paul gave me feelings I never knew existed.

But soon, he grew feverish. His skin was burning hot and he grew testy. He snapped at everyone, and seemingly for the littlest of things. I thought it was strange, as this was a side of Paul I had never seen. We had to leave Jake’s one night, as he grew incredibly protective over me... almost animalistic. He almost lost it on Quil when he started play fighting with me, I just took him out of there, leaving the guys in the garage. I was met with concerned eyes all around, but I knew Paul wouldn’t hurt me... I just had no idea what had gotten into him.

He held onto me like his life depended on it.

“I’m scared, (Y/N).” He whispered into my neck.

“Why Paul?”

“Jared and Sam... they look like they’re waiting for me. I can’t stand it-- they’re hovering over me all the time. I can’t deal with it.” He huffs.

His feverish skin almost burning mine, just as it had been the last few days.

“I’m sorry Paul, maybe try to avoid them?” I offer up my advice, but it met with a mere sigh from his lips.

“They keep telling me I have to break away from everyone. That I’ll have to leave the friend group, that I’ll have to leave you. They’re lucky I didn’t kick their asses.” He huffs.

His words shocked me, they left me speechless. Why would they be saying that?

“Why would they say that?”

“Hell if I knew. I just ran out of there before I punched someone. I know you don’t like when I hit people.” He chuckles.

“I’d rather you didn’t.” I smirk.

But I couldn’t shake his words, I didn’t understand why they wanted him? Why they wanted him to cut us all off?

He soon fell asleep while I rubbed circles into his back, trying to soothe him once again. I heard my phone go off on the table next to me.

It was Embry asking if I was okay, to which I told him yeah. He didn’t need to know the worries plaguing my brain.

But the next few days, Paul got sicker. He started changing before my eyes, growing insanely fast. His body temperature continued to climb. He told me that Sam and Jared wouldn’t leave him alone, but he was only getting angrier at them and holding onto me tighter.

“They keep saying they don’t want me to hurt you.” He would sigh, his face visibly distressed.

And then told me that I couldn’t see him for a while. He cut off all the guys completely, and I hadn’t heard from him since; he wasn’t even answering my texts.

Embry was worried sick about me, despite everyone being upset at Paul’s sudden change and departure from our lives. He would come and check up on me, absolutely stunned to see the shifting moods I had.

One minute, I was fine and 110% certain that Paul wouldn’t up and leave with no warning, and the next I was a blubbering mess. Embry did his best to make sure that I wasn’t left alone for too long, as he was afraid I would become the next comatose Bella Swan. I mean, kudos to him for caring but that wouldn’t happen. Or maybe just yet, as the longer Paul was gone the less I seemed to care about anything else. It just felt like a part of me was gone, like the puzzle piece fitting my heart together was missing.

So a few days later, I made some of his favorite soup and made my way over to his house.

I knocked on the door, but there was no answer. It was locked so I couldn’t let myself in, but I knew where Paul’s bedroom window was. I peeked through and saw him peacefully sprawled out on his bed, the sight bringing both relief and a smile to my face. But then I heard some whooping noises from the back of his house, causing me to investigate.

I look and see none other than the infamous Sam Uley and Jared Cameron, he looked very different since the last time I had saw him. It felt like forever ago since that night.

“(Y/N), what’re you doing here?” Sam asks with a concerned tone.

“I needed to see Paul.” I demand.

“Go home, (Y/N). He doesn’t want you to come around anymore, he doesn’t want to be with you anymore.” Jared looks deep into my eyes, his words punching me in the gut.

His eyes were hard, as were his features, but I knew he was full of shit. But the words still hurt for just a second. For just a second.

“What the hell are you guys doing to him?” I look at them with eyes set to kill.

“What? What did he tell you?” Jared asks, eyes widening with concern.

“Calm down.” Sam urges, putting a hand out in front of Jared.

“He won’t tell me anything anymore.” I hiss. “But before he stopped answering me he was so afraid of you guys! Always following him around, telling him what to do. Telling him to stay away before he hurts me! Paul would never hurt me, asshole!”

I was fuming now, but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t stop myself. Paul was a tough guy, nothing really broke him like their warnings and constant following did. The sudden changes he was experiencing, he had no idea of what to make of it as he was given no answers.

“I watched him change in front of my very eyes, this is beyond some bullshit about him wanting to leave me, Jared. This is not normal.” I stomp my way over to them.

“(Y/N), stay back.” Sam’s hand gestures up to me. “Jared, calm down.”

“Sam, don’t. I’m done with this, I want my boyfriend back. Jared, what the hell got into you, too?” I raise my voice at him, causing him to flinch.

“Hello? Earth to Jared Cameron? What’s your deal now, asshole?” I yell again, poking his bare chest.

But that’s when rage took over Jared’s body. Something I had never seen before. Jared was always goofy, so nice. I had really only seen Paul so angry, and even then-- this was a different level.

“(Y/N), move back now.” Sam yells.

This time, I listened. I took some hesitant steps back, almost tripping over my own feet.

Jared’s body was almost vibrating at this point, that’s how fast it was shaking. I just stared in awe, Sam’s voice was booming, though.

“(Y/N), move back!” He yells again.

I bring myself to take a few more steps back, but this time I did trip over my feet.

Jared suddenly moved like he was bursting out of his own skin, and in some way he did. Sam pushed him back to create some more distance, but overall in the end-- Jared turned into an enormous wolf. An enormous wolf that snarled at me, but overall didn’t do anything to hurt me.

“What the hell?” I blink my eyes, before running towards Paul house.

That’s when I see Paul running towards the situation.

“Paul, run!” I say, trying to grab a hold onto him, but he gently, but very quickly, shook me off.

He too, burst out of his own skin, turning into a giant wolf.

“What?” I whisper to myself.

I watch as Paul jumps onto Jared, listening to their snarls and growling. I stared astonished, as Sam looks over at me with sympathetic eyes.

After a few moments, Sam orders them to stop. And they did, they walked into the woods and came out with some jean shorts on.

“Come here.” Sam says, helping me off the ground.

“Is this... is this what was going on?” I breathe out.

“Yeah, you’re gonna learn a lot today.” He sighs, clearly unhappy about me knowing.

“I’m sorry.” Jared exhales. “It’s hard to control your anger when this starts, and then I had to lie and everything. I’m just sorry.” He smiles softly.

“All good, understood now.” I smirk.

Though I was still uneasy. What did all this mean?

“Paul?” I merely whisper, looking up at his face.

He had grown a lot, got even more muscular since I had last seen him. But he refused to meet my gaze.

“Paul, please look at me.” I beg, reaching out to grab his forearm.

He hesitates, almost afraid to.

“Paul if you think I’m afraid of you, I’m not. Please look at me.” My pleading voice almost cracking.

I needed to see those deep brown eyes I had loved so much. The ones that brought me endless joy, endless love. But he wouldn’t budge.

“That’s not what I’m afraid of right now.” He chuckles sadly.

He was still looking over my head, refusing to meet my gaze.

“You owe it to the both of you to figure it out, Paul.” Sam nods.

“What? What’re you talking about.” I turn to Sam.

But as I turn my head to look back at Paul, I finally caught his gaze. A small smile crept on his face, until our eyes met.

That’s when his jaw fell slack, his face completely softened. It was like he was stuck in a daze of sorts.

But what I felt was good. I felt like the world had stopped spinning, I felt like Sam and Jared were gone, it was only Paul and I. I couldn’t tear my eyes away as this overwhelmingly great feeling pressurized around my entire body. This was something far more intense than what Paul and I usually had felt, and even before I thought we had intense feelings.

No, this was different.

I had no idea how to even stand anymore, I felt like my knees were going to give out.

“Finally, some good news.” Jared huffs, grabbing both of us out of our trance.

“Okay, please explain things.” I look back to Paul.

“Okay.” He breathes a sigh of relief, before he pulls me into a rib crushing hug, spinning me around.

I felt the air leave my lungs, this actually hurt. He sometimes accidentally hugged me too hard, but this was surreal.

My breath hitched as I whimpered out and “ow” which caused Paul to quickly let go, profusely apologizing.

“Sorry, I forget my own strength. Still not completely used to it.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Okay, so let me get this straight. Vampires run rampant through Forks and the rest of the Olympic Peninsula? Right, so that’s what made you guys phase. And then you can’t be around people for a while because it’s an enormous secret that only the pack and their imprints can know. And Paul imprinted on me, but I still don’t know what that exactly means, but we can go over that. But then, you guys protect everyone from said vampires and destroy them. Now you’re super warm and strong and the rest of the group you expect to join soon? Because you all have it in your blood?” I ask, looking at Sam.

“Well, you seem to really listen. But yes, It’s likely that Quil and Jacob will, we don’t know so much about Embry but it’s possible. Has he been acting strange?” Sam raises an eyebrow.

“He texted me about a fever earlier, but he’s been normal enough.”

“Well, you suddenly disappearing might set him off.” Jared chuckles.

“What? I can’t see him anymore?”

“Not until he phases, any of them. The secret is important.” Sam looks at me with empathetic eyes, Paul’s hand immediately resting on my lower back.

“I have to disappear out of my best friends’ lives? I don’t even phase!”

“It doesn’t matter, it’s too much of a risk right now. Over time, we’ll see what happens.”

My heart sank, how would they forgive me for disappearing indefinitely? For blowing them off? I was growing anxious at the thought.

“They’ll forgive you when they understand, it just takes time.” Sam nods.

“Okay.” I whisper.

“Alright, Paul. Explain imprinting.” Jared smirks, looking over at us.

“Right now?” Paul looks at Sam, but Sam only nods his head, signaling for him to begin explaining.

“Paul? Just talk to me, we always talk about anything and everything.” I lay my hand on his comfortingly.

He seemingly melted at my touch, just as always.

“Well, the thing is, it’s not our choice. And I want you to hear me out before you say anything, please.”

“Of course.” I grew nervous at his words, but I knew that was nervous, too.

“Well, so it happens to some of us, not all of us get so ‘lucky,’ if you will. It happens when you see a certain person for the first time after you phase. When you look into their eyes, it’s just... it’s pure bliss. You just know, you know it’s your soulmate. But, that doesn’t mean romantic, it could be platonic. In reality, it’s up to them. But for us, you’d do anything, be anything for them. A friend, protector, a lover. We just... we need to be near them. I need to be near you, and I always did, even before all of this complicated shit. I was always protective, but I can’t imagine I’ll ease up, it’ll probably get worse so I’m sorry in advance, but overall, I want you to know that you hold the reigns.” He softly smiles, looking into my eyes with a pleading look.

“Oh, I see.” I murmur, looking down at my hand for a second, trying to process the situation.

His face fell, and it looked like someone punched him in the gut, Jared and Sam grew a bit worried.

“Wait, that wasn’t me rejecting you. I’m just... I’m thinking. It’s just a lot to take in. I love you, more than anything. I’m glad it was me and not someone else, I am. As long as you’re happy about that. But I just need to understand it. I feel a physical pull to you, so I feel it, too.” I smile softly, thinking about when he refused to look into my eyes.

“I’m very happy that it was you.” He grabs onto my hand.

“So why didn’t you want to look into my eyes?” I mumble.

“Because I didn’t want to bare the thought of it not happening with you, though I don’t think I could change anything about us, ever. Imprint or not, (Y/N), you’re stuck with me.” He chuckled. “But only if you want me.”

“Of course I want you.” I nudge his shoulder.

After that, it was just playing the waiting game, waiting for my best friends to phase, too. I was left with so many calls and texts I couldn’t answer. Embry showing up to my house, knocking to no avail. Leaving, sadness deep in his eyes. Though, he eventually became angry. I knew he was going to phase soon, I watched from afar how he was growing more hostile, and how he was changing physically. Soon, I’d have my best friend back.

Paul was right, he grew more protective, more worried about my every move. It was clear to us all that he was more protective than Sam and Jared were over Emily and Kim. It was easier to understand everything with Kim and Emily being apart of this all, as they knew where I was coming from.

But, it was the waiting game that was killing me. Thankfully, Paul was around to pick up the pieces after leaving my best friends behind, no notice given. He held me when I grew sad, feeling guilty for having to leave their lives.

Paul was unwavering, loving me endlessly. __________________________________ Word Count: 4796

#paul lahote #paul lahote x reader #paul lahote imagine #embry call #embry call x reader #quil ateara #jared cameron #sam uley #jacob black #leah clearwater #seth clearwater #twilight

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