#i’m talking like Continually Repeatedly Daily

[twinknote]

maybe it’s just me but i think anyone who continually misgenders someone they’re close with Several years after they’ve come out to them should be stoned to death

[iluvmattsbeard]

nobody knows like me (c.s)

master list

chris sturniolo x reader

warnings: nothing!

preview: you knew you weren’t like everyone else. Chris loved that about you. he loved that you were carefree and in the moment of everything. Chris’ friends on the other hand, thinks you’re a bit too much, judging you from the get go. you over hear one of their conversations and it crushes your spirit.

a/n: LIKES, COMMENTS, AND REBLOGS ARE VERY APPRECIATED!

you and Chris have been together for a couple of months now. you guys were brought together randomly as you bumped into each other on a random afternoon when Chris was on his daily walk. he accidentally bumped shoulders with you, causing you to drop the paper bag that you had filled with fresh produce from the farmer's market onto the ground. when you bumped into each other, he was already captivated by your natural beauty and your unique style. he helped you pick up the fallen items as he repeatedly apologized. you laughed softly at him as you reassured him it was okay.

as you both continued in small talk, Chris eventually asked for your number. he promised you he would make up for the lost fruit that fell out of your bag and you took his word for it. after exchanging numbers, you guys eventually went on dates and he got to know you personally. he noticed little things you did that were unique that he admired. you were always radiating positivity and you never not had a smile on your face. every room you walked into, you lit up in his eyes.

the first time you hung out, he took you out for breakfast as you ordered smiley face pancakes and a large strawberry milkshake. he looks at your food and back at you. you had the biggest smile on your face like a little kid, making him laugh softly to himself. as time went by, he found out you and him were like children at heart. he admired the fact you still had that childish feeling. it made him feel like he could live without constant worries and fears. for halloween, every girl was in seductive costumes as you showed up in a bob ross costume. Chris’ reaction was priceless. he was not expecting you to show up in an afro and beard. “this is incredible.” he says with a smile. “i know. i’m painting you a visual of what you’ll be receiving down the road.” you say waving your paint brush around which made him laugh at your cheesy choice of words.

when walking down the street, you would see little bugs in the grass which you would pick up and freak Chris out. “Y/n get that away from me.” he says with a nervous look. you had a sneaky smile as you started to chase him with the bug in your hand. “how are you even holding that thing?!” Chris says loudly as he continues running. “it’s a little friend! it wants to say hi Chris!” you say chasing him. he starts to scream high pitched which caused you to stop and burst into laughter. when you knew Chris would be stressed, you knew how to get rid of it. you would lift him up onto his feet and play music, forcing him to dance out the worries and problems. which at first he thought was ridiculous but once he saw you dance, he couldn’t help but smile and dance with you in the same weird way. every moment with you was filled with laughter and joy.

it was like a magical spell you had him in. the more time he spent with you, the more he was attached to you and missed you every time you weren’t near. he could think of more memories he has but those were just a few that stood out to him. you made him feel comfortable and uncomfortable in a good way. you pushed him to do things he couldn’t do on his own. you were his biggest supporter and motivator.

Chris was sitting down on his couch as he hears the door bell ring. he knew it was you. you guys had plans to hang out with his friends today. it was going to be the first time they would meet you. Chris gets up from the couch as he opens the door. as soon as he locked eyes with you, he immediately lit up. every time you were around, he always felt a boost of serotonin. "hey beautiful." he greets you, instantly pulling you in for a hug. you grew a big smile as you embraced him with a hug, wrapping your arms around his neck, "hello handsome." you pull away still smiling as you continue to speak, "i'm sorry for running late." he chuckles as he notices the flowers in your hair.

you always walked to his house. on the way, you always picked the prettiest flowers to put in your hair. "yellow flowers this time." he says tucking a strand behind your ear. "yeah it matches my outfit!" you say twirling around to show off your long white skirt, a yellow patterned tube top, and a cream cardigan. he lets out a soft laugh, "I love it." you walk over to the kitchen as you sat at the bar stool, "so, when will we meet up with your friends?" you ask. "we're going to meet them later at Nate's house. he's throwing a little get together." he replies sitting next to you. you turn your body to face him, "are you excited?" he asks.

"of course I am! i've been wanting to meet them. your family was so kind to me when I first met them, i'm expecting to click with your friends as well." you say with a smile. "that's good. I've been talking about you constantly. they can't wait to finally meet you." he replies holding your hand. "well I can't wait to meet them! i'm just going to be me." you say as he lets out a soft laugh, placing a kiss on your cheek, "that's how it always should be. just you being you." he says with a smile.

“i’m going to warn you right now. they can be a bit much. so if you feel overwhelmed just tell me okay?” he says. you let out a small laugh before responding, “Chris, i’ll be good.” “okay i’m just letting you know.” he responds.

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

you and Chris arrive at Nate’s house. you both stood in front of the door as you hear muffled music playing behind the door. Chris looks down at you as he smiles, “you ready?” he asks. “of course i am.” you say with a smile. he stares at you for a bit as he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, just like earlier. he then rings the door bell.

you see the door open as you were greeted by a girl, “Chris! you made it!” she says. “hi Madi. is everyone here?” he asks. “you know it.” she then focuses her eyes onto you, “you must be Y/n!” she says smiling. she greets you with a hug as you embrace her back, “yes i am!” you reply. she then pulls away, “Chris talks about you nonstop. you are definitely a natural beauty.” she says. she then focuses her eyes on your hair. your hair was long and curly, sort of “untamed”. you still had the flowers in your hair from earlier. she looks at them as she just ignores it. “thank you so much. you are gorgeous.” you say back to her. all she does is thank you with a smile.

you and Chris step inside as you look around. you noticed that everyone had the same type of vibe. if Chris ever lost you in the crowd, he would definitely spot you from your brightly colored clothes. the music was loud as Chris was leading you the way to find more of his friends. eventually meeting up with a few guys. “hey guys.” Chris says smiling as he lets go of your hand, greeting each of his friends. you stood there as you notice his friends’ eyes on you. you could tell they weren’t use to your presence. “this is my girlfriend Y/n.” Chris adds on, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. you smile before speaking, “hi, it’s nice to meet you guys.”

Chris POV

Y/n greets my friends as i notice them looking at her in a weird way. they were looking at her clothes and at her hair. “hello, i’m Nate.” Nate says while taking a sip of his drink. “i’m Baylen.” the rest of my friends introduce themselves as Y/n just smiles, “i’ll try to remember those names.” she says. they all just laugh at her response. “Chris tells me about you guys all the time. it’s great to know he has such good friends.” she says. the guys just look at her and smile awkwardly as Nate responds only, “same with you.” that’s odd.

I could tell Y/n was trying her best to keep conversations but none of my friends wanted to keep it going. “Y/n? do you want to grab a drink and chit chat?” Madi asks her. Y/n looks at her and smiles, “of course!” she says with her cheerful voice. she looks at me as i smile, which let her know i was fine here. they walk away as i watch them head towards the kitchen. i hear some of the guys laugh as i turn to face them, “what’s so funny?” i ask out of curiosity. “dude, where did you get her from?” Baylen asks. i raise an eyebrow, “what do you mean by that?” they all look at each other and back at me, “Chris, are you not seeing what we’re seeing?” says someone in the group. “what about it?” i ask. “she looks like she just stepped out from some hippie delusion.” Nate says, making everyone burst out into laughter.

i stood there unamused from his words, “how could you just judge her from the way she’s dressed?” i ask with a blank stare. “yeah that’s kind of rude of you Nate.” Nick says stepping in. “Chris is happy with her and she’s more than just the appearance.” he finishes. Nate just scoffs taking another sip from his drink. i look at my brother, “thank you Nick.” i say. he just nods as a response. “all i’m saying Chris, girls practically line up to try and get a chance with you.” Baylen says. i just give a confused look, “so? i’m happy with where i’m at.” i say. i then notice the groups attention wonder somewhere else as i go to look as well.

End of Chris’ POV

you joined the crowd as they danced around you. you were with Madi as she watched you dance. you didn’t know how to dance at all so the way you moved, came off a little different. you moved your body a bit weird which made people stare and laugh. you didn’t notice the stares as you continued to dance and have fun in your mind.

it catches Chris’ friends eyes and also Chris himself’s eyes. Chris watched you as he chuckled a bit to himself. he saw you were having fun with no care whatsoever and that’s what made him love being with you. you were so care free and you didn’t let stupid stares stop you from enjoying your time. “i’ve never seen someone move like that before.” Nate says holding in a laugh. “she’s something.” one of the guys say causing Chris to tense up. “she’s just having fun.” Chris mutters out. he stands there as he continues to admire you.

Chris POV

why did they have to make stupid comments? typical immaturity. this is one of the reasons why i didn’t want to introduce her. my friends are too insecure to handle a girl like Y/n. i just think everyone who’s staring is intimidated by the fact she knows how to let loose. i notice Y/n starts to slowly stop her movements as she looks around at the people looking at her. she shifted uncomfortably as she kept an awkward smile.

Y/n’s POV

i was never the type to care about what anybody had to say about me but, being here with the people Chris surrounds himself with, staring at me like i’m some type of weird disease, made me start to overthink a little bit. the one thing i don’t want is to embarrass Chris. so i stopped myself a bit as i walked away from the dance floor. “Y/n! where are you going?” Madi says chasing after me. “what’s wrong?” she asks holding onto my arm. i turn to look at her, “i just got tired of dancing that’s all.” i say with a fake smile. “do you want more to drink?” Madi asks. “just water is fine.” i say as she leads me to the kitchen, handing me a water bottle. “i should head back to Chris.” i say after taking a sip.

“okay! they’re still at the same spot they were at.” Madi says with a smile. i turn to leave the kitchen to head towards the group. as i was going to turn the corner i stopped myself once i heard their laughter and words. “yeah she dresses funny, yeah she’s a bit weird, and yeah she’s quite unique…” i hear Chris say. everything else i blocked out because i felt a sudden saddened confusion. why would he call me out like that in front of his friends? i could hear their taunting laughters which caused my eyes to build up with tears as i head out the front door.

Chris POV

“yeah she dresses funny, yeah she’s a bit weird, and yeah she’s quite unique-.” i say but got caught off from one of the guys. “that’s for sure.” which caused the group to laugh. “let him speak.” Matt sternly says. i shake my head as i continue to speak, “yeah she’s all those things but, i know how she truly is. she’s fun and she’s care free and i love that about her. she’s more than her appearance and her goofy antics. if you guys would’ve given her a chance, you would’ve understood.” i say before leaving to go find Y/n.

i looked around for a bit and i couldn’t seem to find her. i bump into Madi and notice they’re not together, “where’s Y/n?” i ask. she just shrugs, “i don’t know. she said she was going to find you.” she says. i nod and walk away confused. i soon step outside to see if she could be there and notice her sat down on the side walk. she was taking out the flowers in her hair, throwing them onto the street. i walk up to her and sit down next to her, instantly noticing the tears down her face, “Y/n? what’s wrong?” i ask with a worried expression. she just shakes her head and continues to cry. i go to hold her hand but she pulls away. i look into her eyes as i try to figure out what’s wrong, “did i do something?” i ask. “i heard what you said in there.” she says. “you did?” i say confused, “then why are you crying?” she looks at me with the same confused look, “w-what do you mean? i heard you call me weird and that i dress funny like i didn’t already know that. you didn’t have to call me out like that. i know i’m-.” i cut her off with a small laugh as she glares at me. “Y/n, did you stay for the whole conversation?” i ask.

she shakes her head, “no but all i know is that i understand now. i get i embarrassed you in front of your friends.” i smile as i hold her hand, “Y/n you didn’t embarrass me. if you stayed you would’ve heard me say that so what if you’re all those things? you’re more than just your appearance and your goofy antics.” i say causing her to roll her eyes. “hey just listen.” i say with a small laugh. “i told them they don’t know you like how i do. which is fine because you don’t have to prove yourself to them with how amazing you are, because i know. i know how truly amazing you are.” i say which makes her expression soften. “yeah you’re not like everyone else, so what? that’s what made me fall in love with you.” i say which catches her off guard. i never expressed my love to anybody before. she knew that.

“there’s something about you Y/n that makes me feel like the luckiest guy ever.” i say rubbing her hand with my thumb. i look on the side of me, seeing a pretty flower which causes me to pick it up and tuck it behind her ear. she smiles and more tears flow down her cheeks, “i love you Y/n.” i say wiping her tears gently which causes her to let out a soft laughter, “you really mean that Chris?” she says sniffling with a weak smile. “my love grows for you everyday. i really mean it.” i say which makes her even sob more, embracing me in a hug. “i love you too Chris. that is the sweetest thing anybody has ever said to me.” she says as i rub her back softly.

i just had to tell her that i love her. she truly doesn’t understand how she makes me feel. my friends? i don’t care if they don’t see her the way i do because nobody knows like me.

a/n: i don’t know i just thought this was a cute idea 😅

[pinkhor1zon]

red bean buns ₊⊹˚ෆ

pairing - gn!reader x kim woonhak

genre - fluff, online friends/classmates to ??, high school au

warnings - food, slight swearing, they’re in their last year of high school, adults dni, woonhak’s down bad, lmk if there’s anything else!

wc: ~1.6k

synopsis - when there’s a dorky classmate that keeps sneaking glances at you and a boy on the other line who isn’t telling you his name, you’re starting to get suspicious.

maia’s note: i love woonhak so much lawd 😭😭 this is slightly inspired by “you’re here that’s the thing” by beabadoobee!! but erm i wrote this really quickly and messily bcuz i’ve finally come to the realization that woonhak is my bias. i’m sorry leehan. anyways please enjoy! reblogs and likes are always appreciated 🫶

“gi? are you there?” you furrowed your eyebrows, “did you hear me? my name is yn.”

there was a break in the thick silence, “huh? oh, yeah, i’m sorry.”

you were talking to your online friend of 3 years, gi, on the phone. you met playing roblox and after becoming very comfortable with each other, you were basically best friends.

although the two of you were extremely close, you still went by your username, and gi said he had been going by a nickname as well.

the both of you chose to call and reveal your real name since it had only felt right. i mean, knowing each other for so long and everything, you guys should!

thus, you had just revealed your name to him, and for some reason, he sounds.. in shock?

“okay it’s your turn, what’s your real name?” you asked him.

“um.. i actually have to go now.. yn.. b-bye!”

your phone beeped, signaling that he had hung up. he actually hung up.

your jaw dropped. there is no fucking way he just did that.

continue under the cut!!

——————

the next day, you woke up with a buzzing headache.

you had texted gi repeatedly about the event that occurred, but he hadn’t replied whatsoever, and of course, it kept you up at night.

over the years you’ve known gi, you have developed feelings for him. however, you never wanted to admit it, as you were embarrassed for having feelings for someone you didn’t even know in real life. i mean, you didn’t even know his name… playing games and talking daily made your heart skip, even if you wanted to deny it. so after yesterday, you felt an even larger sense of embarrassment.

you walked into your classroom, basically a zombie. you sat down at your desk and rested your head on your arms, closing your eyes.

“dang what happened to you?” your desk mate and class president, park gunwook, questioned you.

you shrugged, responding sarcastically, “a fucking tornado hit me, that’s what.”

gunwook chuckled and his eyes wandered elsewhere.

“hey why’s woonhak staring at you so sadly? he looks like a puppy, don’t you think?”

you opened your eyes and to the right of you was woonhak, standing near his friends. his group was conversing with passion, but he was looking right at you. also, gunwook was right; he looked like a puppy.

almost automatically he looked away, scratching the back of his neck as his ears reddened.

you furrowed your eyebrows. what was that about? you thought.

you shook off the strange feeling you got and closed your eyes again. but when you did, you felt a familiar pair of eyes focusing their attention on you again.

——————

you and woonhak weren’t friends or anything. the only time you had talked to each other was for a project in your 2nd year. yeah, you two had been in the same class every year, (which was actually a strange coincidence..?) but you had never been close like that. it wasn’t anything personal; you both just didn’t feel a need to get close or whatever.

so why, just why, was he staring at you so much?

it was now lunchtime, and you, gunwook, and your other friend, haerin, were grabbing food at the convenience store.

you walked into the bakery section to pick up a red bean bun, already holding a strawberry milk in one hand. you spotted the item you were looking for, but you also noticed something in the left corner of your eye. you grabbed the bun and then turned to your left.

it was.. woonhak.

woonhak stood there at the end of the aisle, a red bean bun in his hand and a blank stare on his face.

you raised an eyebrow, “woonhak?”

he didn’t say anything. he just stood there and looked at you, expressionless. you walked up to him slowly.

“woonhak do you have something to say?? orrr..”

he blinked. then blinked again. his eyes widened, “oh.. yn! i’m so sorry!! um..”

“its alright. are you okay?” you asked, concerned.

“yes! well.. actually, i’m not fully sure,” his eyes wandered and then focused on the red bean bun in your hold. “oh! do you like red bean buns too?”

you giggled, “yeah i do!” he smiled at you widely, and you did the same.

“yn! did you get it??”

you turned to see haerin calling at you. when she saw woonhak behind you, she raised her eyebrows.

“yeah i got it,” you looked to woonhak, “i’ll.. see you later?”

he nodded, blushing a bit. you walked up to haerin and both headed to the cash register, where gunwook was.

“what was that yn? you and woonhak..?” she wiggled her eyebrows.

gunwook, obviously confused, said, “huh? what did i miss?”

“not much? well i don’t know what that was honestly..”

they looked at you, puzzled. you three checked out and headed back to your classrooms. on the way back, you explained your little interaction with woonhak.

gunwook chuckled, “he wants you so bad.”

you scrunched your face in refusal, “no way..”

“i don’t know, yn, he got really flustered when seeing you. like, quite literally speechless,” she snickered.

you blinked, thousands of thoughts running through your mind. woonhak liking you wouldn’t be the worst, but you need to stay loyal to gi, right? or maybe not since it’s kind of complicated currently. you were still thinking about what happened the day before and were still utterly confused; this woonhak stuff didn’t help.

you shook your head at your friends, trying not to over complicate everything. you figured that when you got home, you had to try and talk to gi and find out what was up with him hanging up so abruptly?

——————

after arriving back home after school, you plopped on your bed, desperate for rest after your previous sleepless night. you pulled your phone out of your pocket and pressed on you and gi’s messages.

he’s read your texts, but hasn’t responded to them. you frown, wondering if you did anything wrong. you then start typing out a message but stop when you see three circles pop up, signaling that he’s texting you.

can we call?

the message shows on your screen, and you pause for a second—before quickly pressing the call button.

“gi?”

“yn.”

“woah, it’s weird hearing you call me by my na-“

“we need to talk.”

you press your lips into a thin line. “okay.. what is it?”

he pauses and says, “you see.. we actually know each other. like, in real life.”

“w-what??” your eyes widen, “who are you?”

you hear him take a deep breath.

“can we meet at the park near may street? i feel like this is something to be handled with in person and.. i have more to tell you.”

you take in his words, thinking about his question in your head. you trust he’s not some creep or so, i mean, you have known him for 3 years and a strong trust and bond have grown from that.

“okay. in around 15 minutes then?” you decide.

“yes, that sounds good. i’ll see you then yn.”

“see you.. gi.”

——————

you were laying down on the slide, looking up at the sky. you quickly walked to the park, basically the moment you got off the call. everything was just really overwhelming to you, you didn’t know what to expect or feel.

luckily, there was no one at the park and a light breeze was present. you look at your phone screen. 4:40. the call ended at 4:30. you closed your eyes, nervous for when your online friend of 3 years would appear.

you ultimately treasure your friendship with him and that’s part of why you’ve never confessed to him. you were too afraid of ruining the bond you had already built. therefore, you sucked it up and decided to ignore your feelings. even if you still felt them. like, really felt them.

“um.. yn?”

you jolt up and open your eyes.

“wait..”

“hold on i can explain!!”

“woonhak?”

there standing in front of you was your dorky, awkward classmate, woonhak.

“yeah.. okay well i wanted to tell you BUT!! don’t forget i just found out who YOU were like, yesterday, and i was really taken aback but also happy because you’re… you! um, im sorry, i-i,” he scratched the back of his neck.

you stood up from the slide and walked up to him. patting his shoulder, you gave him a reassuring smile.

“woonhak, dude, calm down! it’s just me.”

he mumbled, “well that’s the thing, it is you..”

you raised an eyebrow, “huh?”

“no.. no! um, you see,” he exhales, “i love our friendship and i was very happy to find you in roblox 3 years ago. but.. when i found out you were yn in real life, that.. changed things.”

you nodded slowly, “okay.. how so?”

“i just liked my online friend, [username], as a friend, right? but.. you.. i like you, yn, as more.”

you gape at him, mouth widening in an ‘o’ shape. “you.. you like me? like like me?”

he says sheepishly, “yes, like like you.”

you hold in a laugh, “that’s ironic because i like gi as more than friends, but not woonhak.”

now it’s his turn to gape at you with wide eyes and his pretty lips in a small ‘o.’

you giggle, “so.. what now then?”

“well.. i’m gi and you’re yn so..” he stressed the last o.

“so…” you repeated.

“we’re a thing?” he said slowly.

you smiled at him, “we’re a thing.”

he engulfed you in a warm yet somewhat suffocating hug and nuzzled his head into the side of your neck. his next few words were muffled, but you could still make them out.

“i really, really like you, yn.”

——————

the next day, you arrive at your desk at school and lying on it is a mountain of red bean buns. a sticky note is on the top and it reads, ‘i heard you liked red bean buns?’

do not repost, translate, or copy.

[yan-lorkai]

Hello! I really loved the headcanons about darling who works with Undertaker and has a crush on him while being completely oblivious to him trying to court them.

So I was wondering if it would be possible to request a kind of continuation for them, where darling finally confesses and seeing Undertakers reaction, they kind of go like “Wait- you felt the same all the time?!” and them maybe a small bit how their daily life changes after that :)

Any format will be fine, so you can write it in any way that is comfortable and makes the most sense to you <3

Again, thank you very much for answering my previous request and even if it will take long for this one to be answered, I am willing to patiently wait, because I know the result will be good ❤️🫶

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ A/n: awww, thank you (*＾3＾)/～☆. I hope this meets your expectations, I certainly had fun while writing it! Reader is such a mood bcs I too am oblivious to people liking me lmao. I wrote an oneshot and a few headcanons!

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Tagging: @harukishiyo @laythestar

"What's bothering you, beloved?' Undertaker voice is soft, smooth as he leaned over your shoulder.

It was a quiet evening, the sky outside stained with the deep hues of twilight. You stood awkwardly in the middle of Undertaker’s shop, repeatedly stomping your foot on the floor, the strange mix of eerie silence and morbid decor somehow comforting as uou think and rethink what you're about to do. But tonight, you had a mission; to confess your feelings.

It was easier said than done, though. Even more when he was close, beautiful smile growing on his lips as the seconds go by.

His pale hair fell over his face as usual, and he was grinning like always, that secretive smile of his that you had grown so fond of, as you helped him. Your heart pounded as you took a shaky breath.

You had to tell him tonight. You couldn’t keep it inside any longer.

"Uhm... Undertaker?" Your voice came out more uncertain than you'd hoped.

His head lifted, green eyes twinkling mischievously from behind that curtain of silver hair. "Oh~? Ready to talk?" His voice, a mixture of amusement and intrigue, sent shivers down your spine as always.

You wrung your hands together, suddenly regretting your decision. But it was too late to back out now. “I, uh… I need to tell you something. Something important. So can you spare a few seconds for me, please?"

Undertaker's grin widened, a curious tilt to his head as he leaned over the counter, his long fingers drumming lightly against the wood. "Oh? Now you've piqued my interest! Go on, dear. I’m all ears."

You swallowed hard, feeling heat rise to your cheeks. “I... I think, well, it's not that I think, more like feel, if you know what I mean. Uh, I love you.”

The words hung in the air, fragile and terrifying. For a moment, everything seemed to freeze and you felt colder than the corpses laying on the morgue. The shop was still, and all you could hear was your own heartbeat thundering in your ears.

Undertaker’s grin didn’t falter. In fact, it widened even more, if that was possible. A low chuckle bubbled up from his throat, and he stood up straighter, his towering form stepping closer to you. "Oh, my sweet little dove..." His voice was soft now, almost tender, but with that ever-present edge of playfulness. "I’ve been waiting for this moment for quite some time."

You blinked, utterly confused. “W-Wait… what?”

Another chuckle, and this time, he reached out, his hand tilting your chin up so you were forced to look into those glinting, knowing eyes. “Did you really think you were the only one with feelings?” His voice was almost a purr, his touch gentle but firm. “I’ve loved you from the very beginning, my dear. I’ve just been waiting for you to realize it.”

Your heart was beating so fast and loudly, you could hear it pulsating on your ears. “Wait… you felt the same all this time?!”

He laughed again, and the sound was warm, though still a bit unsettling in the dim light of the shop. “Oh, my precious one, I’ve known for quite a while. Your little stares, the way you’d linger around me, even when you thought I didn’t notice, always so eager to help even when I didnt need help.”

His fingers traced along your jaw, a shiver running down your spine at his touch. "You were just so delightfully unaware, it was too fun to watch you figure it out."

You felt your whole face burn. All this time, he had known? And not just known, but reciprocated? Gosh, you spent so many sleepless nights wondering and dreaming about a life with him when you confessed, and we're reciprocated.

“I-I had no idea,” you muttered, completely flustered.

His grin softened, becoming almost fond as he pulled you into a warm hug. “That’s what made it so cute.” His fingers threaded through your hair now, his touch gentle, but there was something possessive in the way his hand lingered. “But don’t worry, now that you’ve confessed… things will be a little different.”

Different. The word lingered in your mind, and a chill ran through you — not out of fear, but from the weight of his gaze, the intensity of his presence. You’d known the Undertaker was an odd man, eccentric and unpredictable, but there was something in the way he looked at you now that felt different. Darker. Deeper.

"Different?" You repeated, your voice barely a whisper.

His grin returned, that playful glint in his eyes gleaming once more. “Oh yes… Now that you’re mine, I won’t have to hold back anymore.” He pulled you closer, his hands firm yet affectionate. “I won’t let anything take you away from me. Not now. Not ever.”

His words sent a thrill through you, a mix of fear and excitement that you couldn’t quite place. But as you stood there in his arms, looking into his eyes, you knew that you had fallen into something far more intense than you’d ever anticipated.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ As your lover, Undertaker takes things slow and he is so gentle with you, while also maintaing his odd sense of humor. He makes you laugh till your belly hurts. The days don't change suddenly, they're still the same as you help him around the shop, hear his jokes and make him tea - because God know his cookies and tea are terrible, perhaps you should also teach him how to cook.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ Yet, with the official title of your lover, he is a little more protective of you, always wanting your to know when you're going out and with who, London is so dangerous, he'd say in a soft tone.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ He might not appear, but he is the clingy type, always having a hand on your shoulder or around you, his face nuzzling into your neck as he breathes in your scent. He likes having you this close; he is like a puppy, so demanding of your attention and care. You're finally his beloved and can't believe it. He's been dreaming about this for so long.

.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ He likes to show you off to customers but he absolutely loathes whenever you are near the Earl and his pet demon. In these times, he may send you to run some errands as he wraps things up with them. He is jealous of you, of anyone who may come too close. He is a possessive grim reaper, always have been and now it's going to get worse; yet he will never let you realize it.

[dark-frosted-heart]

Roger Barel Main Route - Mad Love Chapter 22

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. I’m doing this for archiving purposes and you can probably find a better translation out there

I walked around and browsed the shelves to distract myself.

However—Alfons’ words still continued to replay in my head.

~~ Flashback ~~

Alfons: If that man did not have very long to live, would you still choose to stay by his side?

(Roger…didn’t have long to live?)

Kate: …Please don’t make bad jokes.

Alfons: Didn’t you want to believe the good in me? Besides, you were with him for nearly a month. Surely you must have had some kind of idea?

(Ah…)

~~~~ Flashback within a flashback ~~~~

When we went undercover at that village led by the Spirit God.

When Roger synthesized a treatment for tetanus, he didn’t hesitate to take it himself to conduct a clinical trial.

He didn’t let Liam be the test subject.

~~~~ End flashback within a flashback ~~~~

Roger’s ambition was to “get rid of curses of the Cursed”.

(A person like that wouldn’t devalue his own life)

(...Unless it’s for the sake of researching how to “get rid of curses of the Cursed”?)

While reading through the various research materials so that I was ready to be Roger’s assistant, I remembered coming across the words “drug resistance”.

Kate: Could it be…because Roger’s been using himself as a test subject, he’s…

Alfons: I honestly couldn’t care less whether that man lives or dies. However, there was a night when I gave into a bit of temptation and asked for the truth—

~~~~ Flashback within a flashback ~~~~

Alfons: Are you dying?

Roger: Where’d that come from? Bit of a heavy conversation to have over drinks.

Alfons: When have we ever had a friendly, peaceful conversation?

Roger: Haha, guess you’re right. Still…How’d you know?

There wasn’t even a trace of death within that bright laugh.

Alfons: We’ve known each other for a long time. Regrettably.

Roger: …

Roger silently set his glass of beer down.

Roger: I’m dying—’Cause I’ve been repeatedly conducting experiments on myself.

Alfons: I see. Though you’re surrounded by Cursed Ones now, In the past, it wasn’t easy to find them.

Roger: Yeah. Back then, you were the only one I knew. I’m the furthest from the self-sacrificing type. I just had no choice but to borrow my own lifespan for my ambitions. That’s all.

~~~~ End flashback within a flashback ~~~~

Alfons: —As that person said, “that’s all.”

(...That’s all?)

Kate: How can he just say “that’s all”...when it’s his life he’s talking about.

Alfons: That’s all there is to it isn’t there? 

Kate: Huh…?

Alfons: We Crown are villains that exist in the dark night. We have all since given up living normal lives and being happy. We are all ready to die before our time. It is a part of our daily life.

Alfons’ eyes are as calm as a lake deep within a forest.

Alfons: Nevertheless, getting involved in something without being aware of the full extent isn’t clever, now is it?

But when he’s worried for me, his eyes wavered.

Kate: …Alfons

Alfons: That man is a terrible, egoistic scumbag who only thinks of himself. If you want to become a widow, then do as you like. At this rate, why not just stay close? While you’re in tears, I can appear before you and show you illusions of Roger.

~~ End flashback ~~

Kate: …I don’t want illusions.

The words I wasn’t able to say back then disappeared into the night air.

After some time in the forest of books, my troubled heart finally settled down.

(Just now I was too upset to think clearly, but…)

(Like Alfons said…“that’s all”)

Roger had considered whether to prioritize his ambitions or lifespan and in the end, chose his ambitions.

Besides, being a part of Crown meant that your life was always in danger and you never knew when you would lose your life.

(I’m well aware of that, but…)

I’ve been arrogant and stupid.

—That’s why it felt like Roger would always be by my side.

(Had Alfons not told me, I would never have known)

Roger and I weren’t just Fairytale Keeper and Crown anymore.

I love Roger and he…told me that he loves me too.

(I wonder…What will Roger do with our relationship)

As I pondered over it, a memory popped into my head.

(Ah…)

~~ Flashback ~~

Roger: Then I’ll give you one final trial on the robin growth map. If you can clear it, you’ll be my lover.

Kate: …Huh? One final trial? Why? You…like me, don’t you?

Roger: I do, but that’s unrelated. I’m the type to train my dogs properly. I don’t spoil them just ‘cause we’re family.

~~ End flashback ~~

(...Could it be that)

(—For my final trial, you’re going to let me go?)

(No, I can’t just say that’s what’s he’s doing…but what if—)

There was no point in guessing, but I couldn’t help but imagine the worst.

(If Roger does want to separate…perhaps it’s better to agree to it)

I’d feign ignorance, fail the final trial, and leave my position as Fairytale Keeper.

I’d leave Crown and Roger, and never see him again.

And then I’d return to my normal, peaceful life.

Kate: It will be painful at first, but…with time…I’ll get used to not having Roger.

I couldn’t help this feeling of weakness.

Ale: …Woof. Arf arf!

Kate: Huh, Ale?

Ale: Arf!

Ale suddenly broke into a run.

It was just my luck that the door wasn't closed properly so with a short paw, he pushed it open and ran out.

Kate: Where are you going, Ale? Wait…!

--

Kate: Ale, hey Ale!

Ale: Arf arf!

(...I understood)

(Whenever Ale suddenly ran off like that, it’s because—)

He wanted to tell me something.

Then—I guess it’s time to see Roger.

--

I could’ve reached out and grabbed that small body of his, but I just followed Ale.

We ran through the palace, through the dense first, through the halls of Crown Castle until—

Roger’s voice: Woah! What’s up, Ale? You’re pretty energetic today!

Ale ran into the lab and jumped on Roger.

When he saw me following after, his amber eyes grew wide.

Roger: Kate!

Seeing that wild smile made my heart pound.

That innocent, carefree, child-like smile was enough to steal my heart.

Roger: I was just thinking about calling for you.

Kate: Oh…Um

(The fact that he was waiting for me means…)

Kate: Is something the matter?

Roger: Yeah, the best thing. Take a look at this research material.

What Roger handed to me looked quite old and faded.

I took a closer look at what was written…

Kate: “Research Material on the Cursed. Researcher, Alexander Taylor” It’s Alec!

Roger: It’s definitely his handwriting and research.

Kate: But…I thought the police had confiscated all of Alec’s research…

(So why is this here?)

Roger: You know Jude’s company? Seemed like some guys from Gracefield Royal Hospital tried to get in the way. So Jude decided to go pay the Royal Hospital a little visit.

Kate: He’s as vindictive and proactive as ever…

Roger: So then he found this piece of research material in a lab.

Kate: The lab where the Privy Council and doctors were doing their research before they got poisoned… If Alec’s research was found there, then that means…!

I had my answer.

Roger’s nod confirmed my thoughts.

Roger: That’s right. Those guys combined mine and Alec’s research materials to synthesize a drug that would get rid of curses.

Kate: I thought so! Then with this research material,

Roger: We can make an antidote.

Kate: What a relief. We did it, Roger.

Roger beamed at me and when he pulled me into a hug, I was overwhelmed with joy.

Roger: …Thanks for being here with me for this, Kate.

Return his hug +4 +4

Spontaneous kiss

Pull away in embarrassment

Heart filled with joy, I returned Roger’s hug.

I squeezed him tight. Roger then picked me up and spun me around.

Roger: Haha, we did it Kate!

(...I can hear Roger’s heart beating when I’m in his arms)

It was too precious to stand.

(Ah…I’ve been an idiot)

(Why did I even think I could leave him for even a moment?)

(My heart’s already been stolen and dyed)

We’re adults…so it wasn’t like we couldn’t live without the other.

No matter how much it hurt, how painful it was, how long is spent wandering around in nothingness.

This was my egoism.

(I want to be with Roger)

(Until the moment his heart stops beating)

It appeared that spending time with Roger had turned me into an egoist.

(...But before I can do that, there are some things I need to do first)

You can’t get what you want by just staring wistfully.

Kate: Roger. After finishing the antidote and you’ve condemned them… I have something I need to talk to you about.

Amber eyes watched me intently…before they softened with understanding.

—That night, we finished making the antidote.

From then on began the endless series of condemnation of evil. 

--

Privy Council Lord: …Haaa…Urk…Why are you here? 

Royal Hospital doctor: …Ugh. They’re here to mock us…

The Privy Council and doctors that Victor and William had locked up were still in their cells.

They had all been poisoned, their central nervous system damaged. They groaned and breathed heavily like beasts.

While looking down at them crawling on the cold floor, Roger and I unlocked their cell and entered.

Roger: Oh, that’s harsh. We even lost sleep and skipped meals to make an antidote.

Privy Council Lord: …An antidote?

Kate: The test tubes in this medicine box contain an antidote that Roger made. The efficacy has already been tested. You’ll feel relief within 30 minutes of taking it.

At that moment, the color of their eyes changed. And not just in a figurative sense either.

Royal Hospital doctor: …Haaa….With this…I’m saved.

Royal Hospital doctor: We were forced to do this research because these people ordered us to!

Royal Hospital doctor: Give us innocent doctors the antidote.

They crawled toward us, ignoring the pain from their broken nails as they clawed at the stone floor.

Choked groans and shining eyes…

Them desperately grabbing at Roger’s legs was a strange sight to see.

Roger: …Innocent?

Royal Hospital doctor: We may have done a lot of bad. But it was all for the sake of our country!

Royal Hospital doctor: With our numerous experiments, we doctors will advance medicine in Britain. It will certainly make our country prosper. You’re a doctor too, aren’t you? Surely you understand our feelings.

They try to butter him up, only for their own sakes.

With their lives in his hands, Roger—

Roger: Yeah, I get it.

With eyes full of pity…

Roger: —I get that you’re all a bunch of damn hypocrites.

Next

[originallandlockedmariner]

August 1996 & August 2023

In my late 20’s I was soft.

I hid behind excuses, rationalizations, and self deprecating humour.

I didn’t respect myself.

I didn’t like myself.

I was drifting further away from who I knew I was inside.

I was lazy.

Complacent.

Embarrassed.

Ashamed.

Unhealthy.

Unfocused.

Undisciplined.

I’m in my 50’s now.

I have dedication.

Purpose.

Grit.

I’m healthier, focused, and disciplined.

Accountable.

Happier.

I am the most genuine and authentic version of myself.

I’m proud of my work.

My sacrifices.

My challenges.

My integrity.

This is me.

So the moral of the story is….

Transformation is a process riddled with ups and downs. Honestly...some days it seems all you get is a healthy serving of hurdles. Life has a funny way of challenging every plan you put into motion. Setbacks followed by crippling self doubt followed by injury. I've learned there are no days off. You just gotta trudge on. Dig in. Embrace Grit.

Unlearning years of bad habits isn't easy, it’s that old path of least resistance thing, but I've never felt more healthy or proud of the work once I've put in an honest effort. You just gotta trust in the process. Faith in yourself to be a little bit better tomorrow. Continue focusing on better eating, commitment to training with purpose and working on your mental health.

Realize, we all stumble. I’m actually fairly proficient at it. But failure is a single event not a characteristic. It doesn’t define you any more than a single success does. Successful people have one thing in common - they find out what it takes to be successful and repeatedly do it. It’s that simple. They do it, again and again, not talk about it. Actions have always spoken louder than words, we all know this. Being knowledgeable in regards to fitness plans, diet information and health tips is only part of the journey. To get anywhere you need to apply it all in to action. Daily. Determination and discipline, not discussion, determine your distance. Stop talking about it and do it. And as cliché as it is, try to focus on ‘progress not perfection’. Even baby steps are moving you further away from who you were yesterday.

[onyourhyuck]

MRS NA? | NA JAEMIN. | PART TWO.

— Prologue: “It’s midnight, where the hell were you?” + “What the hell is your problem?”

— Summary: Wherein Go Yeeun wakes up from a coma and meets Na Jaemin claiming to be her husband and have five children together.

— Genre: jaemin series. Romance. Found family. Mystery. Smut. Crack. Fluffiness.

Notes: THIS IS A JAEMIN SERIES ON MY BLOG. reblog and follow me for more daily updates.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The night was long for Go Yeeun. She couldn’t sleep it off no matter what and the only person on her mind was Jaemin, who wasn’t home no where to be seen or heard of. To add on the list the children are fast asleep and she’s laying in the double bed finding nothing out of her brain. Not a single reluctance memory to remember. It was stressing the poor woman out considering she can’t sleep now because of it. The night looks too dark, darker than usual.

The bedroom felt stiff and tense. Yeeun buries the body deeper into the blanket laying on the right side of the bed, while the left side was unoccupied and empty.

‘Was this really the life I chose? Seriously?’ It rang through her mind like a truck driving down a fast lane. It just didn’t make sense to her why she would chose this life. It did not feel like even it was her life previously.

Then the sound of the rustic doorknob turning wakes up Yeeun’s thoughts to vanish. She slides up from the bed putting on a gown robe over the shorts and the shirt she found from Jaemin’s wardrobe. Yeeun walks down the stairs in a hurry catching Jaemin taking off the shoes mid action, the lights turn on.

All the man saw was a dangerous stare from Yeeun pointing directly at him, she didn’t look happy nor impressed.

Yeeun taps the fingers on the side forearms repeatedly in silence until she finally asked one of the questions she was dying to ask him.

“It’s midnight, where the hell were you?” Her voice was hushed and quick, describing the anger boiling deep within her.

Jaemin sighs. “I told you where i was already before I left bunny lips.”

The man pulls the leather jacket away hanging it on the cloak hanger and then opening the fridge wide to stare inside. Bunch of beer bottles were in there as well as orange juice. However most of the fridge was empty.

Yeeun goes downstairs following Jaemin behind. “Don’t you think it’s inappropriate to come home this late? Have you got no sense of time in your head.”

He stops putting the beer back in the fridge. ‘Damn my appetite is ruined.’ He thought and turns around to look down at Yeeun.

“What the hell is your problem?” Jaemin slants closing the fridge with a large slam. Yeeun takes a step back when Jaemin took his feet forward approaching her from where she’d stood.

He continues talking making Yeeun’s skin crawl up. “Before you had no issues with me arriving home late, why is it a problem now. You let me do whatever without questioning.”

“Well I have an issue with it now.” His wife divulges raising an eyebrow at him.

“I don’t need a drunk man coming home to get more drunk.” Yeeun sighs looking around before going up the stairs. Jaemin caught her back leaving him and he sighs deeply out, this wasn’t how he planned it would go like down.

Yeeun could hear his footsteps from the stairs echoing and coming in the bedroom his stare lands on Yeeun. He unbuttoned the one button of his shirt and then the second. As much as he pissed her off Yeeun couldn’t take her eyes off him when he was about to undress until suddenly he opens the door widely.

He clears his throat. “Uh bunny lips. You get backache on the bed so you usually sleep on the couch.”

The stare at his collarbones being revealed shifts and deadpans onto the man up front. Yeeun let’s out a confused ‘huh’ as if this was a joke or something but the way he was being serious in that rasp out tone made it impossible to be light.

“I’m sorry I get what—”

“Yeah…” Jaemin crawls on the bed lifting Yeeun over his shoulders suddenly she nearly screamed but held it over her hand remembering the children are asleep. It was a nightmare getting them to listen and to finally sleep too so, it would’ve been terrible if they woke up now after all the effort.

“Let me go..! Do you hear me?” She whisper yells as quiet as possible.

She slams the back until she was thrown on the couch with Jaemin throwing a pillow and blanket over at her head.

“Sweet dreams. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.” He smirks turning around, not a single hesitation.

Yeeun gasps taking it off angrily and saw Jaemin slamming the bedroom door shut. She grips the warm blanket huffing out. “Dickhead… why did i marry him god tell me.” She lays on the couch grunting.

This couch wasn’t at all comfortable. Yeeun couldn’t get comfortable in any position. All night she was twisting and turning side to side, back to front. She even tried to change the pillow positions and that did not help.

‘I hate my life.’ She pleads shutting her eyes tight.

‘I’m sorry father. I can’t do that anymore.’

‘What do you mean? You don’t have a choice Yeeun.’

‘I don’t want to do that.’

A swung hand thrown like a fast bullet slaps the face until cold sensation pours down like the Antarctic snow has landed on the face. Waking up breathing heavily and coughing out water from the mouth and the nose, she saw blurry until rubbing them wide open to see the five children and her husband have poured a bucket of water down her face.

She chokes coughing. “What the hell was that for?!” She couldn’t believe this. They were spawn of satans most definitely.

Jaemin smirks patting her wet hair. “The kids need you to make their lunch for school. I’m off to work now. Make sure they get there on time.” He walks to the door and Yeeun twists around on the couch.

“Wait don’t leave yet!” She was about to shout but Jaemin left unable to listen, or rather want to listen to her. She sighs turning around.

“MUM HANUEL STOLE MY BUNNY.” The young girl cried from the other room.

“MUMMM YONGSOO IS EATING SPONGES AGAIN.” Insu shouts looking at the younger brother chewing on the fabric.

Insung runs to Yeeun. “Mum I can’t find my school shoes!”

Yeeun rubs her head friending a welcoming headache on the temples. This much responsibility and not a single person they can ask other than her. So this was motherhood? It truly did not look bright. She stands up rushing to grab the baby, Yongsoo, who munched on the sponges and grabs it away. She stares at the bitten fabric in disturbing light.

“Okay… Yongsoo go wash your mouth and brush your teeth.” Yeeun told the boy and he waddles to the bathroom, he pulls the little step up box and stands on it to get the similar height to the sink.

Her attention was quickly taken over to the shoes hidden underneath the couch. She grabs them and looks around.

“Insung are those your shoes?” She points and the little six year old boy with adorable ears nods grabbing them. “Thanks mum.”

She would start making the sandwiches for them unable to think what they want or whatever. But she did her best to make something nice and healthy too. Yeeun chopped cucumbers and tomatoes in a box putting them in the school bags. She created peanut butter and jam sandwiches in a separate container box.

Haewon comes behind Yeeun pointing. “Can I please have cranberry juice with my lunch?”

She looks down at the younger girl. “Sure can you take it out the fridge and I’ll put it in your water bottle.”

Haewon walks away to the fridge grabbing the juice box and puts it on the counter. Hanuel grabs the orange juice pouring it in the glass.

She puts the cranberry juice for Haewon in the bottle and puts it inside her princess pink Aurora school bag. “Okay you’re done. Here you go.”

Her gaze turns to the smaller bag and she finishes putting the last lunchbox that was finished in the bag. Yongsoo comes out of the bathroom all ready for his school and she looks at the toddler.

“You hungry for something that isn’t sponges for washing?” She points and Yongsoo pouts.

“I want cheese crackers.” He said sitting on the couch. Yeeun brings the cheese crackers on the plate to Yongsoo and then saw out the window the yellow school bus.

She turns to the children. “Kids your bus is here! Go and catch it.”

Yongsoo grabs a few crackers quickly eating them. They all were helped putting on shoes and jackets. It felt worse than a workout Yeeun could imagine, she never thought being a mother was a full time consuming job and gym session in one. The children ran out saying goodbye to their mother and leaving her all alone. Luckily she saw them get on just fine on the bus so somehow all that stress was gone.

She pulls on the couch and saw a paper note attached on the table, it was written by Jaemin.

‘Do these chores below before everyone gets back home! Thanks!’

With a smiley face written next to it. She glared looking at the section it was like a whole list for multiple people to do all day.

Yeeun scoffs. “Somehow I feel more like a freaking servant than a stay at home wife.”

The first chore was to cut up wood for the fireplace because during the night it gets way colder. Yeeun walks to the back yard only to be jumped by two large shepherd dogs licking her face and running in the house as they please.

She yells. “AH MY GOD NO ONE TOLD ME WE HAVE BEASTS IN THIS FREAKING HOUSE.”

Yeeun gets up and seeing them on the couch occupying it she wipes the dogs saliva on her face in digust. ‘I think I’ll be sick later.’ She couldn’t believe they haven’t told her they have freaking dogs!

Going outside she starts to put up the wooden logs and grabs the nearby axe. She wobbles to the side everytime trying to lift it with her weak arms she nearly trips over a rock on the ground and almost chops herself up. She sighs looking back at the dropped axe on the floor and grabs it again.

Positioning it with extreme focus, Yeeun managed to cut open two logs in half. She comes back flinching seeing the logs fall apart so easily. It was almost satisfying to watch but not as satisfying to do.

The next chore when you’d finish chopping up freaking wood for the house, it was to take care of the farm animals. This includes so many stations, cleaning them, feeding them, grooming them and their hair for the horses. Milking the cows was one thing. The sheep’s needed to be shaved for the wool. Yeeun sighs.

All of these works took hours upon hours. Yeeun was busy just by doing something. Milking the house was a hassle because everytime she tried to grab the cow to milk them she would spray the milk on herself — it was an insane experience. Later on the sheep were next and shaving the sheep went surprisingly smooth until they start moving around too much. Afterwards Yeeun had to put on the black farmer boots on, which were probably Jaemin’s because they were a little too big on her. However they did the work. Yeeun goes inside the pig pen holding her nose at the animal smell.

It really wasn’t pleasant to smell. They weren’t even that cute up close. Yeeun takes a step forward, she had to wash the pigs but in the process one pig ran away seeing her come close and Yeeun in panic slips on the muddy ground in the pig pen. She gets surrounded by pigs smothering her and the mud on her clothes and the willingness of the boots.

She wanted to scream in frustration, but she couldn’t because the pigs where crushing her almost.

Yeeun comes out when finishing the job all dirty and smelling all sorts of things you couldn’t even tell what animal smelled like hers. When looking back at the list of notes she saw the chickens becoming next and all she had to do was collect the eggs.

Yeeun thought it was easy, well that was the most wrong assumption step ever. Because when the young girl got in that chicken coop she never saw that many chickens chirping on her skin and feet. It was considerably very painful it felt like a pink on your skin. She would come out with the eggs in the basket and closed the pen door.

The very last thing was the horses and these were probably the most intimidating creatures she encountered. As far as she remembers, she couldn’t find a single recalling memory coming across a horse before the car accident.

She had to clean the horse shoeshine and then groom their hair as well as feed them the nutrients. She’d watch the horse eat calmly.

‘Well these were the most calm animals. The pigs and the sheep were a hassle.’ Yeeun thought to herself.

By the time she was done with farm work, Yeeun took a shower inside the house to clean up. She really needed a bath, a relaxing one where she could relax. But forgetting the dogs were inside they all sat in front of the bathtub watching her.

She side eyes them splashing water on the dogs. “Shoo! I’m tryna bathe here.”

Yeeun stares at the dogs not budging, as if they were protecting her from intruders. She can’t believe she has two freaking border collie shepherd dogs watching her right now, naked in a bath to get the mud and the animal smell out.

She looks at their collars.

“Ruby and Pearl…” She repeats. Their names were Ruby and Pearl. Yeeun looks back at them.

“You. Ruby. Go away.”

Yeeun repeats but the dog only tilts their head not understanding. At this point Yeeun gives up and just loudly groans sinking into the water pushing her head underneath.

‘What was I thinking talking to a dog.’

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@onyourhyuck please refer from translating and copyrighting my work thank youu! Reblog and follow me for more updates on this series it helps a girl out <3

[ladyvillainous]

Ardeth Bay NSFW Alphabet

Working on a little something new just need to do a little editing but while you're waiting have some more head canons on my latest character obsession

A Aftercare

(What they’re like after sex)

He likes to hold you close as you both recover continuing to kiss you softly as he rubs his hands over your skin just wanting to

B Body part

(Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He loves your skin because it’s so soft he can’t help but want to be touching you constantly. You make sure to apply your jasmine scented body oil daily to keep it that way knowing how much he loves to touch you and the smell of the oil. If you really want to drive him nuts, you rub a small amount through your hair, it’s guaranteed to have him wrapped around you in no time.

C Cum

(Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He would never lay a hand on you until you were married and as such getting you pregnant wouldn’t be an issue. In fact, he loves to see your rounded belly as you grow his child, he thinks your even more irresistible this way. It’s because of this that he always likes to come inside you and nowhere else.

D Dirty Talk

(Do they like to talk dirty on the job? Do they like you to talk dirty to them? What sort of things do they say?)

He’s more likely to praise and worship you with words of love and encouragement than with filthy things thought he can get a bit borderline when you’re going down on him as he can get carried away.

E Experience

(How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He had a few dalliances when he was younger but once he took his oath, he realised the life of Medjai was not well suited a long-term relationship and he had no interest in brothels or ruining a woman’s reputation for nothing. He’s no virgin but hasn’t anywhere near the experience some of the other men do, whatever he may lack he more than makes up for with passionate intensity.

F Favourite Position

(This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

He loves any position that allows him to gaze into your eyes, though is partial to having you sat on his lap because he can hold you so much closer while still maintaining control.

When he wants to switch it up, he likes to get you on all fours and then pull you up flush against his chest, it takes a little twisting to get into position, but he can still kiss you breathless and the angle of his thrusts turn you to jelly in his arms.

G Goofy

(Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He has a surprisingly wicked sense of humour, but this tends to show itself in sly comments here and there and during sex is often not the moment for this. It doesn’t stop him grinning wickedly at you when he teases you. Generally, he’s so intense it doesn’t occur to either of you to find anything funny.

H Hair

(How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He’s quite a hairy man thought not excessively just enough to look stereotypically manly without veering into werewolf territory. When he’s out in the desert he doesn’t worry about grooming down there at all even lets his beard grow out somewhat. But when he returns home or if you visit him at one of the outposts, he will take the time to clear up the jungle and shave.

I Intimacy

(How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Ardeth is a very passionate, intense, loyal man which often translates to soft sensual touches that make your heart overflow for him.

J Jack Off

(Masturbation head canon)

Sometimes the only thing getting him through the long, lonely nights in the desert is thoughts of you. However, he doesn’t always have the privacy to be able to do anything more than think about you. This can mean he returns from weeks or months away and pretty much carries you straight to bed, he needs you repeatedly after that much time apart with no relief.

K Kink

(One or more of their kinks)

It took some time to convince him, but he did finally indulge you and tie you to your bed. He was extremely uncomfortable at first as he was worried about hurting you, but he unexpectedly loved it. He doesn’t want to indulge all the time because his fear returns full force in between but on occasion he will whip out the rope using the excuse that he wants to try a new knot he’s learnt, despite the fact that you’re more than willing excuse or no excuse.

L Location

(Favourite places to do the do)

He wants privacy for you both so at home in your own bed is his reference. He makes an exception for his chambers at the mountain outpost, but with only a curtain separating you both from the rest of the outpost you do have to be quieter than normal.  He has also been known to draw you into the armoury after training but that’s only because he hasn’t the patience to wait to get you home.

M Motivation

(What turns them on, gets them going)

Showing a little skin is a foolproof way to get his attention. Wearing your caftan with the long thigh high split around the house when you’re just doing everyday household chores, get you tossed over his shoulder and escorted upstairs in double time.

N NO

(Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He will not hurt you period end of sentence no will he give up control for the same reason. He got carried away the first time you slept together, which was also your first time ever, when you bled slightly after he thought he’d hurt you and was horrified. He fled to the spare room and wouldn’t come near you for quite some time, until you figured out what had upset him and were able to assure him you weren’t hurt. It still plays on his mind though even to this day.  

O Oral

(Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Both, he has been known to pull multiple orgasms from you in one session to the point you’re begging him to stop. He loves it when you go down on him as it allows him to give up some control without any risk of hurting you, because of this he would never hold your head while you pleasure him let alone push down for fear you would gag.

P Pace

(Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow, sensual and powerful is his go to, occasionally he will get a little rougher with you, but his pace is always carefully controlled and measured for maximum pleasure while making it last longer for the both of you.

Q Quickie

(Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

A quickie with Ardeth isn’t exactly a quick as he no interesting in just ploughing you into a wall and moving on. He wants to take his time with you ensure you feel loved and safe. The closest he gets to quick are the times in the armouring after training but even those sessions run long to the point that you’re shocked you haven’t been caught yet. What neither of you know is that the armoury guards have caught on and will always guard the door until your done and then discretely make themselves scarce, so you never even know they were there. Ardeth suspects because of the knowing smiles they shoot him later the same day, but he chooses to ignore it.

R Risk

(Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He’s happily experiment with any position or technique you want to try but he’d never put your safety at risk. Neither would he risk exposing you in any way… with the notable exception of the armoury.

S Stamina

(How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

The man is built for endurance he could fight Anubis stay up all night trekking through the jungle, fight Anubis warriors in the morning, spend 4 -5 hours on horseback see to his men and still rock your world so thoroughly you’re seeing stars. I know that’s an incredibly specific example, but it’s happened at least once.

T Toy

(Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

The 1920/30’s were not known for a plethora of sex toy options. You have both heard about a device called a vibrator but have never tried one. Ardeth doesn’t believe any electric device could be any better than what you already experience together, and you completely agree being more than satisfied with your sex life.

U Unfair

(How much they like to tease)

Usually, he’ll deliver orgasm after mind blowing orgasm no waiting, but on occasion he can been downright evil. This often coincides with the time the ropes come out of the box under the bed.

V Volume

(How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s not excessively loud he’d rather keep your private life private and would hate for anyone to overhear you both. However, at home behind locked doors he feels freer to up the volume.

Generally, it’s whispered terms of endearment or general grunts of effort with the odd growl, but he does get borderline filthy when you go down on him

W Wild Card

(Get a random head canon for the character of your choice)

Nothing gets him worked up more than watching you school the young Medjai in weapons. He loves watching them underestimate you and then being eviscerated by your skills. This isn’t a secret to you but the fact that after the first session of every new group he corners you in the armoury for a quick intense session that leaves your legs shaking is only something the 2 of you know.

X X-Ray

(Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture, or words)

Canonically Ardeth is nearly 6ft 2in and solidly built so I think he’d be a reasonable size just borderline on how easily you can get him in your mouth but a little girthier than the norm.

Y Yearning

(How high is their sex drive?)

Varies depending on his schedule and how much access he has to you. Out in the desert it can wither away to almost nothing but back home he will be on you every second he can spare from his duties.

Z ZZZ

(… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Usually, your sessions are so intense that you both fall asleep very quickly but always with your arms wrapped round one another.

[thebibutterflyao3]

Day Twenty-One - Mushroom @sapphicmicrofics

April Daily Series - 961 words

<<<Previous Part OR Start Here

Marlene needed a solid plan. She was a bit shite at improvising on the fly. That’s why she was a good goalie, Marlene didn’t need to be creative with her saves. She stuck to her tried and true methods and refused to be baited out of her net.

I need evidence. She can’t argue with tangible proof that we belong together. Then again, she can’t argue if I’m kissing her either.

Technically, Dorcas could argue with a wall. That’s why she would make a brilliant lawyer. Marlene had no chance to win a verbal battle. Dorcas’s weakness was that she was sentimental. She still had the bowl they made together in the sitting room and hadn’t scratched out her message underneath, Marlene checked.

Goal: Convince Dorcas to take me back.

Steps: 1. Reminiscing 2. Kissing 3. Confessing my love.

It was a lofty goal, to be fair, and with a bruised nose, her charm had a heavy burden to overcome. Unless of course, Dorcas wanted to kiss her out of pity. Marlene certainly wouldn’t turn her down.

Kissing Dorcas was the key. They always spoke more clearly through physical affection. Dorcas couldn’t mistake her meaning, no matter how poorly her message was delivered.

Once they reached the flat, Dorcas disappeared into her room. Marlene was tempted to follow and continue their banter. Arguing often led to kissing, in her experience.

“Marlene,” Pandora whispered, waving her into the kitchen.

Curious, Marlene followed the summons. She checked the bedroom door before stepping into the kitchen, but it remained shut. Hopefully, Dorcas was simply changing her clothes.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Lily asked. “I don’t want to upset Dorcas on my second day here.”

Pandora hushed her gently, then focused on Marlene. “Are you a mushroom or a tree?”

“Huh?” Marlene glanced between the two women with a frown. “What does that mean?”

“Are you surface level?” Pandora elaborated, gesturing with impatience.

Marlene stared at her blankly. She was starting to wonder if she’d wandered onto a planet where everyone’s brains were extra wrinkly, while hers had begun to smooth. Either everyone in this flat was far too clever for a normal sod to understand, or they were complete nutters.

“I want to say ‘huh’ again, but I have a feeling that’s not the answer you’re looking for.”

Lily giggled. “She means your feelings for Dorcas. We can tell that you still care for her, but how deep does it go? How much is buried underneath? Is it like a tree’s roots? Or is it like a mushroom’s mycelium?”

“Plants aren’t really my thing,” Marlene said slowly, reaching for the door. “Hold on, I think I need a translator. Regulus? Do you speak plant nerd?”

A sharp snort from Regulus was followed by a booming laugh from James. The pair appeared in the doorway with matched grins. Regulus’s head cocked when he met Pandora’s intense gaze.

“Plant nerd?” he repeated, eyebrows raised.

“Am I a tree or a mushroom?” Marlene asked, shrugging. “If I had to pick a plant, I would have said eggplant just for a laugh, but this is over my head.”

“More like nettles,” James added with a smirk as he poked her arm repeatedly. “Little jabs that annoy the piss out of you and are impossible to ignore.”

Marlene flipped him off. “Not helping. Regulus? Care to give it a go?”

Regulus grabbed James’s hands and wrapped them around his waist, immediately distracting his boyfriend. “Behave, mon amour. Now, what are we talking about? Trees and mushrooms?”

Pandora scoffed, “It’s not that complicated! It was a metaphor for her feelings for Dorcas.”

“Marls doesn’t speak metaphorically either,” James said, propping his chin on Regulus’s head.

Marlene pointed at him in agreement. “What he said.”

Regulus frowned. “This isn’t any of our business, Panda.”

“Which is why I was using metaphors!” Pandora defended. She stepped forward and gripped Marlene’s chin, then tugged her head down. “Are you in love with Dorcas?”

“Yes, obviously. Who wouldn’t be?” Marlene snarked.

Lily, Regulus, and James all raised their hands. She glanced between them in confusion until Pandora forced her attention back on her face. For such a tiny woman, she was rather demanding. Marlene liked her already.

“Trees are show-offs, surface-level lovers. Their roots cannot support them and that’s why they fall. Shallow affection isn’t enough. Mushrooms have root systems that dig deep in the soil, connect with others and grow constantly. They can survive in any weather, withstand any trial. If the mushroom is plucked, it will simply regrow. Soul deep love survives,” Pandora explained tersely. “So, are you a mushroom or a tree?”

“Oooh. I’m a ‘shroom then. A psychedelic ‘shroom!”

James grinned wide. “That must be why Peter puts up with you.”

Pandora groaned and rubbed at her forehead. “You’re such a twit! I cannot begin to understand why Dorcas built a shrine for you.”

“A what now?” Marlene spluttered.

Lily cringed hard. “Perhaps ‘shrine’ is too strong of a word, love.”

“No, it’s not.”

Marlene waved her hands urgently. “Wait, wait, wait! What kind of shrine? Are we talking candles and voodoo dolls or hero worship?”

“Does it really matter?” James asked, nudging her shoulder with his own. “You would be into either of them.”

“True, but I want to be prepared. What kink am I appealing to? Am I sacrificing my body to my goddess or blessing her with my lofty gaze?”

James’s laugh bounced around the walls of the kitchen, while Regulus buried his face in his boyfriend’s neck and shook with silent laughter. Even Lily giggled, but Pandora continued to glare at Marlene. She was a tough nut to crack.

Oh good, now I’m making plant metaphors. It’s contagious! Maybe Pandora is poison ivy.

[ronearoundblindly]

The Stark Legacy (14)

Rusted, part of Book Two: Mind (see previous or series)

Summary: Bruce tasks Bucky with taking extra baggage to Wakanda while Sam Wilson recovers.

Warnings for tough (but vague) talk about past accidents and physical trauma. Rated Teen/Mature so 15+ only, please.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN—August 2038

“I don’t think I should leave if something is wrong,” Bucky said, staring in at Sam Wilson reading a book while getting blood drawn in the lab.

“It’s not really…wrong. He just…” Bruce replied. He couldn’t explain it. Wilson adjusted holding his book with the hand not being stuck, showing the title Total Applications of Quantum Field Theory.

Bucky pressed a finger against the two-way glass. “You don’t see anything wrong with that?” He scoffed, partly concerned for his friend, partly annoyed to be the chauffeur to a teen on a trip across the world. “Seriously?”

“Am I supposed to be panicked he’s got different interests since waking up? That’s not uncommon with head injury—”

Bucky fumed. “Everything weird is common with head injuries, apparently, because you people don’t know anything about them. It’s 2038!”

“You people? I think…I should be offended.” Bruce may have been completely jaded to ‘smartist’ mockery, but he also loved the chance to study such an extensive turnaround of Sam Wilson’s recovery. The patient remained irritable, sarcastic, and alert with full motor-function. He had occasional headaches but, most bizarrely, had developed not only an interest in but the ability to understand all sorts of scientific studies quickly. “Look, Bucky, you won’t be able to do anything if it is wrong anyway. No offense. It’s not something you can just—” Bruce slowly swung his fist through the air, making a small ‘pow’ noise.

“Don’t do that,” Bucky said flatly.

Bruce pursed his mouth. He was definitely not the funniest Avenger, but he did try every so often, usually failing and immediately retreating to a cave of algorithms to plot his next joke. The team repeatedly called it ‘cute;’ Hulk didn’t like that distinction either. Hulk had toppled cities for less.

“I’ve got a couple data sets and stuff for Shuri, too. Let’s load up the quinjet and get you on the way. Looks like Little Sam is coming up the drive now,” Bruce continued, pointing out the far window.

Bucky groaned. The ball-capped girl trudged down the lane with two massive hard suitcases. She was barely big or strong enough to maneuver them, yet he watched as she waved off one of the security members who came over to help her. The guard pointed her in the direction of the landing pad. Stubborn, Bucky internally groaned, just like good ol’ Pa. Bruce returned to shove a box of odds and ends against Bucky’s chest. The doctor looked at him seriously for a moment.

���I’m glad it’s you taking her. Also, don’t mention the,” and he waved a hand over his head. “Fair warning.”

Even though it was not necessary, Bucky made Sam strap herself into the chair up front, damned if he would be responsible for any other injury on Stark’s daughter. The two were quiet for all of takeoff, and they’d flown over nothing but water for a while before Bucky glanced over.

Samantha sat tucked up like a rolly-polly, craning her neck to look out the window curiously.

“You look like you’ve never flown before. Natasha’s taken you in one of these, hasn’t she?”

“I’ve never crossed an ocean,” the girl replied in a voice so small he could hardly hear it.

That was a quaint notion. The Avengers bounced from continent to continent almost daily, occasionally planet to planet even, and Sam was afraid of a body of water. She rubbed her hands over her arms, stopping only to rub her legs. However, she still looked on, fascinated.

“Alright,” Bucky finally broke in after another half hour, “I’m gonna ask what I’m not supposed to.”

Samantha looked up at him, shocked but quiet. Her brow furrowed in confusion.

“Are you harming yourself?” He regretted asking the second the words came out, but then he felt the impulse to double down. “I’m asking because the hair, and the scars on your arm, and the limp.”

“Those weren’t from—” Sam cut herself off. “No, Captain Barnes, I do not harm myself on purpose,” she chimed systematically.

His eyes flickered back over to her at the distinctive choice of words.

Sam looked at her feet. “There was an accident. The Bartons like to bike, motorcycles and dirt bikes specifically. I am…terrible at it, so the last time we did, I was behind Nate on his Ducati, and we crashed.”

“Why does Tony not know about this?”

“I was 14, and that was the day Clint told me Tony was sending me to boarding school. I…said some—I screamed several choice things and ran off. Nate came to find me, even though he was a jerk about it, and I got on his bike to go home.”

She stretched out her legs into a seated position. “When we were close enough to see Clint waving us back over, Nate raised his hand to waive and hit a ditch, but see, we were right by a bit of a hill. I went flying when Nate skid trying to correct us. They said I smacked a tree—” Sam grabbed her left arm, “—and then my momentum and weight snapped my leg.”

Bucky tried to imagine the absolute horror for the Bartons. If Bucky was so worried about strapping her in for one flight, how anxious must Clint have been… He knew immediately why someone wouldn’t tell Tony, if it was at all possible to hide it.

“Compound fracture of the left humerus. Compound fracture of the left femur. Damage to the growth plate, so my left leg stopped growing at age 14, resulting in a now one inch difference in length. I tried not to listen when they said how many pins were in there. I stared at the ceiling. They made Nat,” Sam swallowed, “explain why we couldn’t tell him. So I didn’t go to boarding school, and after four months I went to Harvard with Cooper. Well, I lived there.”

Bucky knew that stare, the one where you know the past can’t change so you stopped reliving it, the one where you try over and over to accept the hand you’re dealt, the one where you remember everything and feel nothing. Steve used to pull him out by recalling baseball stats incorrectly. Bucky would always snap out to rub his knowledge in that punk’s face. He could try a version of that on Sam Stark, something else for them to talk about.

“What’s quantum field theory?”

She didn’t change her gaze but scrunched her nose in thought. “Um, like which area do you want? Electromagnetic? Chromodynamic?”

Well, that was nice while it lasted, Bucky thought, already lost. 

“Do you know what normalization is?” she continued.

So she couldn’t pick up on hints either… “How about like I’m from the 1940s,” Bucky requested.

“Well, they knew some bits in the 20s—” 

Bucky frowned on purpose, deeply, comically.

“Right. Basically,” Sam thought out loud, making a roundabout motion with her hands, “how… stuff interacts within a—where it is.”

“What stuff?”

“Subatomic particles.”

“Ok, and we’re done with that.” Bucky had zero intention of going back to the shrunken feeling of not following the teacher in school, but he could still gain some context for Falcon. “How smart do you need to be to understand that stuff?”

Sam sat, confused. “That’s not a quantifiable question. It’s not a specific neural requirement.”

“Nineteen-forties—”he reminded through gritting teeth.

“It’s my personal belief that you can learn anything if you have the right teacher. If you make the subject relatable and applicable to something in your life, you remember it. So instead of starting with quantum field theory, you could begin with the psychological field theory or how people interact with where they are.”

Although a perfectly reasonable association, Bucky snorted. “You don’t get out much, do you?”

“You know that I don’t. Why else would I be so excited to leave the country I’ve been in my whole life?”

“Is that why you’re so…fidgety?”

“No.” She continued to scratch and shift in her seat.

“Do you have a rash?”

“Why did you ask about field theory? Uncle Bruce need a book club buddy or something?”

“Sam, I mean, Big Sam was reading a book.” 

Samantha’s eyes grew wide, and her head snapped over to look at him. To his surprise, she seemed just as concerned as he was. 

“Thank you! That’s weird, right?”

“He…” She tried to get a spot behind her right shoulder blade. “You mean, he can follow—he is learning very quickly?”

“Essentially. It’s like he woke up and was smarter.”

“I feel like Big Sam would be a little offended—”

“That’s not what I mean,” Bucky sighed, but Sam had already quieted.

“So,” she began after a long pause, “how worried are you?”

“It’s not exactly a health risk, to be smarter, but I just—what else could change?”

Lil'Sam remained silent this time, holding one arm against her chest, seemingly lost in thought. When Bucky’s eyes flicked over to see if she was even still sitting there, he saw her staring at him. He looked again. She wasn’t staring at him per se, but her eyes were fixed on his metal arm. Loads of people still stared at the arm, so in public, he covered it with clothes and a glove. He thought back to the wedding. He’d been covered; she couldn’t have seen it then. Didn’t she already know about it? Suddenly, he wished he’d worn more cover than a tank top even if it was summer and they were flying to an African nation close to the equator. Why would Sam still be wearing sweats? He glanced again. She was still clutching her left arm against her.

“Are you in pain?” Bucky asked.

Sam snapped back to reality, suddenly guilty and ashamed of her rudeness. She didn’t convey the same in her response, abruptly announcing, “I’m tired. Can I go lie down?” She didn’t wait for a response, either, and unbuckled to rush back into the jet’s cargo area.

Teenagers, Bucky thought.

[Ch 15: Judgment]

[Main Masterlist]

[mariacallous]

In a post published on his social media channels, politician Alexey Navalny condemned Russian shelling of Ukrainian energy infrastructure.

“It’s amazing how much our propagandists (in my case on a radio in my cell) savor and take malicious pleasure in talking about the destruction of Ukraine’s energy system,” Navalny writes.

No, of course I don’t expect these demons to have even elementary sympathy for innocent civilians who ended up in a horrible situation. It’s more that I’m puzzled about why they can’t look further than their own noses and take simple things into account.

First, he points out that strikes on civilian infrastructure “do not at all demonstrate the power and boldness of Russian weapons, on the contrary, [they show] the helplessness of the Russian army.” Russian residents, Navalny thinks, understand that the strikes don’t make sense militarily.

Second, and most importantly, he writes that strikes on Ukraine use missiles “invented (and often even manufactured) in the USSR,” and Iranian drones which Navalny calls “flying mopeds.”

Ukraine, Navalny continues, can definitely “make something no worse than Iranian flying mopeds, and most likely something even better.” Then, he warns, Ukraine will start to retaliate with strikes on Russian territory. “We have no idea how our air defenses work in practice,” writes Navalny.

We’ll soon see that, as they say, two can play this game. And then Ukrainians will take out the lights and the heat first in Kursk and Belgorod, then in Voronezh, and then in Moscow. Then who will we complain to, when we have to heat our children’s food over a candle flame?

Since October 10, Russian troops have carried out wide-scale strikes on Ukrainian cities. Russian President Vladimir Putin has said that the shelling is a response to the explosion on the Crimean bridge, which happened on October 8. According to an early December announcement from Ukrainian state energy company Ukrenergo, shelling has damaged all of the country’s thermal and hydroelectric power plants. All over Ukraine for several months, outages, which are necessary to stabilize the electrical grid, occur daily for several hours. Due to ongoing shelling in Kyiv, Odesa, and other cities the electricity has been out repeatedly, and in states of emergency water and heat services have also stopped.

[isobellabelladonna]

Because of me talking about my feelings the other day, I’m going to share with you my thoughts. There is a lot I’m processing and thinking about how best to express. You shouldn’t read any of this unless you’re in the proper headspace to hear it. I don’t know how it will make you feel but, this is a bit of what I’m going through among other things and desires I want to express. My emotions are still very raw and being vulnerable this way is never easy.

I’m sorry if what I said was shocking or… other negative things. Let me try to explain. I made no secret of my last relationship being abusive. I told you I had woken up every day afraid. I want you to think about what mentality I had been in and the state of my self esteem.

When I met you, I began to learn to be me again. I was “waking up” from years and years of emotional beat downs. Years of feeling like I wasn’t good enough and just so many other things that he had done to tear me down.

My self esteem was in a bad place, but it was getting better after I left him. I was feeling human again. Then, when the bad stuff started happening the growth stopped. The stagnation or decline began again.

I had had years of associating being treated poorly with “I do not want you here” among many other things. Facing these challenges and the things I mentioned… facing the feeling of once again being shown how I wasn’t wanted repeatedly… caused me to fall into those feelings again. Bad habits of self deprecation that I would never express to you began.

There had been plenty of times when I was writing something heartfelt or caring only to get stopped in my tracks with painful reminders of the pain I was facing with our situation. I asked you to stop because it was hurting my already awful self esteem, among other things I struggle to tell you, not because I don’t want to, but because I can’t physically bring myself to do it.

What I needed was a caring and supportive environment that I had found when I first met you. As you know, the situation devolved fast and so too did my growth and self esteem.

Love is important to me, just as caring and being understanding is important to me. From the beginning I was dedicated to showing you the realest parts of me like I had never done with anyone else before, but my declining self esteem was packaged in with “when I am being hurt, no one cares about my feelings. No one cares and nothing will change. It will only hurt everyone including me to continue to talk about it when my feelings don’t matter in the first place. That or I’ll get hurt for talking about them.” It was my hope that when I communicated that I was hurting that you would listen and I wouldn’t have to go back into this feeling. When that did not happen and after months of pain, I kept declining deeper into those mentalities again.

Unfortunately those feelings I shared with you are real and I struggle with them a lot. I will until my self esteem can get back into growing stronger instead of declining. I really need understanding and gentle care. I need kindness. I need to feel like I’m important to you. To see is part of to feel. Just as someone who doesn’t show love can ultimately make the other person feel all manner of negative things, so am I feeling.

These are my struggles. A need for growth and not decline back into being in pain every day again. I am terrified of that happening again. We have been slipping in to that, not as extreme as I had been experiencing but, I am hurt every day. My trust, my self esteem and my mental well being have been slowly degrading, my mental health was suffering this whole time I’ve been asking you to stop doing these hurtful things. Fear, anxiety and stress are my daily challenges when facing all of these things I told you about when I spoke of my feelings last.

I don’t want you to take this as criticism of you but, an expression of how deep my pain is and how much I’ve been suffering. Healing will take time and I hope you’ll be committed to doing that with me. I need your support if things are going to get better again. Not just for a day or two but, continued support. I don’t want to have to try to heal and only be hurt badly within a few minutes after or the next day. I wound can’t heal when it gets reopened all the time and if it does, after so many attempts without proper treatment there leaves a scar. I don’t want scars with you. So I hope I can have your understanding and commitment to making that not happen. I don’t want to cry regularly anymore and I’d appreciate your help in making that a reality.

[khloeblair]

Reflection:

I just crossed paths with another show I’m not going to watch, Seirei Gensouki.

I clicked it because it was classified as a fantasy romance, but obviously I chose the wrong time to go looking for a new show.

The opening hinted that an accident caused two characters from different worlds to switch lives.

It forced me to reconsider just how awful it would be to suddenly find ourselves trapped in another dimension, even if it were another version of our own selves.

I’m not talking about reemerging and choosing a path, I’m talking freaky friday mid-sentence.

Surrounded by strangers, new rules and roles, no idea what is happening in your life.

No idea how to return.

Despite all the moments I’ve wished with all of my heart that I could escape this awful place, that’s probably the one thing that would be worse.

It’s bad enough being trapped in our daily lives, but to suddenly find ourselves trapped with our memories in an entirely new universe without notice or consent…that’s a genuine horror story.

It’ll be different one day, when we get to choose for ourselves.

One day, I will have the ability to create realities free of rapists and terrorists.

One day, all who are pure of the intent to rape, terrorize, and steal will have somewhere safe to go, somewhere safe to rest.

Those who commit these crimes repeatedly and knowingly will answer for them.

Not by my hand.

By the hand of someone far darker than myself.

I hate to think where those people will end up next—I’m expecting a “do not pass go” scenario.

As in, no reemerging stops for you, sir. Straight to the next life without warning or consent, without any say in which type of role you will embody.

All of these existential secrets I keep sharing are not going to help those who continue to harm the innocent.

Just because you know choices are available does not mean you get to continue to be evil and then go anywhere you want afterwards.

That’s not how it works.

My upstairs neighbor will be one of those people, and I’m unfortunately too relieved to feel sorry.

I get why that show was so active in my vibes.

It’s because of my neighbor.

It’s like he would be if people would let them.

I pity him.

Except I don’t, because he is precisely what he chooses to be, even after all he’s learned.

I’ve given him, along with everyone else, the most precious gift—the gift of freedom of identity, the gift of realizing there’s a way out of this hell.

Instead of following me toward the light, he would rather continue to try and force himself on me in a sexual way. Entirely nonconsensual.

Entirely rape.

I guess it never ended, did it?

That saddens me too, but you can’t save anyone who does not wish to save themselves.

Wherever he ends up next, I hope he is trapped in his memories of everything he did wrong that put him in his new, inescapable life.

A life spent as a captor will inevitably lead to a subsequent life as a caged creature.

Such is the nature of creation.

Pouting by attempting to hurt me from afar will not change your fate.

Only changing your behavior will change your fate.

But I see you are incapable of that, so I will leave it alone. It’s not worth my attention.

[rantsintechnicolor]

I keep having the same dream…

…for the past month. 

K hasn’t blocked me. He sends me a message now and then. I love to get these messages. I find them very comforting though I can’t respond yet. He knows my emotions are especially raw, knows that I am protecting myself, and that I will respond when I’m ready. He is still there and willing to offer support, but I am still afraid he will disappoint me. My life still hasn’t returned to a manageable emotional level and I can’t handle any more disappointment. 

Sometimes in the dream, he is still messaging good morning every day, a daily reminder that he loves me without having to use those words. Every now and then he sends a more personal note of encouragement or to tell me a good thing that happened to him that day, which is something I used to ask him. 

When the comfortable, predictable life you had has been yanked away repeatedly within weeks, what would have been a manageable sting on a normal day delivers a greater impact and is something that must be eliminated. We weren't talking like we used to and it felt like a gut punch every day. So I choose to remove that stress by unfriending, unfollowing, and telling him I wouldn't respond for a while. It doesn’t mean there is no love there. I didn’t wake up the day I shut him out because I suddenly didn’t love him. But it hurt me to even see his account had looked at my stories.

Yeah. I thought we were in love. What made it more complicated was his hesitancy and fear with regards to our romance. I don’t understand it. And he won’t explain it to me. He couldn’t explain it to me. I pulled back because it seemed like he could pull completely away at any moment. Why would I continue to pour my love into him when he was hesitant to give any back to me? When he could pull the cup away at any time?

My second retreat, described above, was more drastic, without explanation, but not final, not without a method for him to contact me. His reaction to being removed from my socials was to block me completely everywhere. This is inconsistent with the friendship he claimed we had, claimed to still offer in his last message to me.

I know these dreams are wishful thinking that he still does love and care for me. But it isn’t a sign that he does. There is no cosmic connection communicating this to me over the three thousand miles of distance between us. 

What is true, what is a sign, is that he still has me blocked. What is true is that I still feel very strongly about it, and maybe that means I’m still too close to the pain even though it has been so many months, half a year, actually. Maybe this means I need to stay away a little longer, even though I want his company and support, chat about what we are reading, tell him about my new novel. Maybe I should write him off, come to accept that it is over, that this is forever and find a way to be okay with that. 

[radkindoffeminist]

When I was fifteen, I met my boyfriend online. He was 20 when we started talking and turned 21 a month or so in. So just to be clear, he was a paedophile. He would say anything to get me to do what he wanted. He convinced me to love him. He abandoned me for three months and didn’t apologise for it, making it all about him and his hurt feelings and him need the space. (The reason we broke up as I gained like 10% of a backbone by then.) But we continued to talk and he acted possessive and jealous whenever I mentioned I liked someone and openly admitted to still seeing me as his girlfriend. I stopped talking to him when I eventually saw the red flags.

When I was eighteen, I met another guy online who was 26. So not a paedo this time but older than I am now and I’m not comfortable with the idea of dating someone who has literally just turned eighteen. He lied throughout our relationship about his intentions, which I only realised at the end of our relationship when he decided to stop talking to me because I was no longer interested in cam sex. The second I said that, we went from speaking daily to him almost never saying anything until I eventually cut him off. He also cut me off for months saying that he needed space to deal with our breakup and ignoring my own feelings about it.

I’ve had dozens of men lie to me about who they are and what they wanted in order to get me to do what they wanted. Name, age, location, what they were interested in, how they felt about me. One guy sent fake pictures so I would return real ones then insulted me when I figured it out. One guy lied about moving to my area and wanting to start a relationship. One guy told me he loved me after like three hours and then ditched me two days later. One guy got mad at me because I wouldn’t turn my cam on after ten minutes of speaking because I wasn’t comfortable with it yet. I can’t even begin to number how many men came into the women’s only/lesbian and bisexual women’s chat rooms and then got annoyed that I didn’t want to talk to them because I’m bisexual so that means I should be open to men all the time apparently. I can’t even begin to consider how many other lies I didn’t catch on to or how many people didn’t even have to lie but ditched me when I stopped giving them what they wanted. And I can’t begin to describe just how many paeodphiles there were.

And as I got older, I grew a backbone because someone had to stand up for me. So I didn’t put up with the lies and manipulation anymore. Men still played mind games with me but I was far more resistant to them than I had been previously. I can’t even count how many times I have had to repeat what my boundaries are because men do not care to respect them. How many times men pressured me to do what they wanted with zero regards for me or my boundaries. How many times they would drop me and then weeks or months later, when they became desperate for attention again, would come running back to me and expect me to be thankful for the attention but then got annoyed when I didn’t respond. How many times men convinced me that they wanted the same thing as me (normally friends with benefits) only to ghost me immediately after. How many times men boasted about how good they were in bed only to be unable to make me cum. I had to put on one of my profiles for a sex website that I was on that I was only interested in people who could hold a decent conversation on a topic other than sex because so many men opened the conversation by talking about sex (or quickly moved onto it after asking how I’m going) and literally wouldn’t talk about anything else. I also had to write that I would block anyone who asked for nudes more than once because so many would continue to ask. (Didn’t stop them from trying -still blocked a lot even with the warning.)

One guy repeatedly cancelled plans and stopped speaking to me for weeks at a time and then I explained that he hurt me but he wanted to fix it so we made plans and he cancelled, again, then stopped speaking to me for a month so I told him I definitely wasn’t interested anymore. A month later he still came crawling back and had a go at me because I wasn’t polite to him when he ‘just wanted to chat’ (despite having never had much conversation outside of sex and plans to meet up). One guy I stopped speaking to and he messaged me on another social media I had to get around being blocked and then then months later message my friend on a completely different social media site saying he was my ex and asking how I was. He stalked me across multiple social media sites, just to be clear. Another guy sexted me and then saying he was ‘ready for me to send a full nude’ and I blocked him because that was the 3rd or 4th time he had asked after I specifically said I don’t send nudes. One dominant guy demanded that I send him nudes, told me to ‘not talk back to him’ when I said no, got annoyed and confused when I then stopped talking to him for disrespecting my boundaries, and immediately asked for nudes again resulting in him getting blocked. One guy got angry at me for not sending nudes calling it double standards for me to be asking for nudes (I didn't ask for shit) and eventually decided porn was more interesting than me. More than a few guys pulled out lines like ‘but you have a beautiful body which you shouldn’t be ashamed of’ or ‘it’ll be different with me’ when I told them that I didn’t send nudes. One guy talked to me on and off for weeks, only messaging me when he wanted sex, always asked for nudes and got annoyed when I said no, pressured me into meeting with more people than I was comfortable with (as in was pressuring me into a gangbang with like 4-5 guys when I said I wanted to start off with threesomes), offered to pay me so his married friends could join in, cancelling with zero warning every single time, sent me pictures of ‘what I was missing out on’ whenever I said no to him, and generally did not respect a single boundary that I set out.

This is just some of the shit I can remember off the top of my head because there’s so much of it and so much more detail I could go into. But my point is that I’m really serious about this pattern recognition thing because it took me way too long to recognise patterns in men’s behaviour. Every single time I would start to question if there was some male socialisation involved, I would just remember what anti-feminists say and what I was taught about these horrible, manipulative, disrespectful, and abusive men: they’re are just a few assholes! And I shouldn’t paint all men with the same brush because a couple of the men I’ve met have been horrible people because that’s disrespectful to the good men. I put too much faith in men. I assumed that their intentions were, at the very least, exactly what they told me that they were. I trusted that they wouldn’t be rude and disrespectful and abusive. But time and time again, they proved me wrong. Not just one or two horrible men, but dozens upon dozens upon dozens showing their true colours.

So yeah, we make comments on singular stories which you might find weird because we recognise the pattern in the behaviour they exhibit. It’s because, to us, it’s not one story about one man being awful; it is one story among hundreds a that we’ve read and millions that have gone untold showing a pattern of similar behaviour among men of all ages, races, religions, and cultures.

Sometimes I stand there for a second being one of those naive fools who thinks 'well, terfs are obviously fucked up for the anti transness, but surely radfems are not the same thing, they do discuss some serious women issues like make-up industry, the expectation of women to be principal child carers, etc'

But then you read their posts, and they're going off over an individual case they noticed of a burdened mom, and they're right about that individual case, but then they finish off with saying marying men/having children with men is a moral failing and it's like ummmm??? And another takes another case they're right about in the moment.... but then they go on to say the conclusion is maleness in its existence is a set moral failing and you're like ummmm???

And at that point you end up reading a serious conversation between a bunch of them about how masculine traits/maleness are a genetical anomally that were not supposed to exist .... and oh, yes, that's why.

[bokubear]

Haikyuu!! — he thinks you’re cheating

❥ including ; kageyama tobio, atsumu miya, ushijima wakatoshi, kuroo tetsuro

❥ genre ; hardly angst, slight insecurity, comedy, fluff, suggestive themes

❥ notes ; my first post in a whole month! gosh it’s been a while, but i’m glad to be back(*'▽'*)

Kageyama would never assume such a thing, instead, he’d try his hardest to talk it out—scared helplessly throughout. It was after his practice that day, and as he was approaching you for your daily walk home together when he overheard you talking with that guy. So, kageyama being kageyama, strutted to the perpetrator and grabbed his shoulder with an iron grip. “Y/n, what’s going on?” You could tell he was trying his hardest to deepen his voice, causing you to suppress your giggle. “Tobio, are you worried about me being with him?” Oh Kageyama Tobio was so easy to read. From his nervous glances at the two of you talking in the hallway to even now where you saw him from afar, that doubtful gaze told all that was on his mind. “We we’re planning a party for the team.. but I guess you didn’t realize..” The boy he was suspicious of spoke up, pointing to the décor surrounding the two that he’d yet to notice. “Since you guys went to nationals y’know.” You smiled sheepishly, pointing to the door. “And Takeshita is the only one with a spare key to decorate indoors.” Without saying anything else you were wrapped in your boyfriend’s embrace, his face snuggling into your neck. “Thanks for not leaving me.” He muttered, hoping the boy he now knew was named Takeshita didn’t overhear. However their laughter told him otherwise. He was red as a tomato.

Atsumu immediately throws a fit, flaying himself dramatically onto any surface to belch about how “‘ya never loved ‘im!” Very annoying. And the guy working at the ice cream stand seemed to agree. “Hey! I heard you two getting all cozy up in here earlier.. she’s MY baby.” He’d repeatedly remind to which you frantically rush to apologize for the Miya’s unnecessary behavior. “Tsumie! Quit!!” You slap his arm, eyes staring daggers at the irritating blonde. “Mmm fineee.. but watch out. I’m everywhere.” He hissed, trying to act intimidating ( or whatever that was supposed to be ). Apparently he had it out for this ice cream shop worker, pulling you to the side with knitted brows and a jutting pouty expression. “You’re my baby right? Don’t tell me you’re into-“ His whining cut short at your soft lips pressing to his, eyes widening into saucers. “Always your baby.” You smile, brushing a loose strand of dyed hair from his face. “Mine.” He whispered, lifting you up by the thighs to spin you around. “This looks cheesy.” You complain, unable to keep yourself from getting lost in his honey orbs. “I don’t care cause you look like an angel right now.” Wow. It was hard to even think you were slightly mad at him earlier. Charmer.

Ushijima would confront you. Of course since ushijima is indeed ushijima, his mature and knowledgeable nature leads him to invite you to a dinner. Initially you’re surprised, it isn’t you’re birthday, and it’s not any important date? Weird. And he doesn’t hesitate to get right to the point, asking if you’re interested in “another” he said. It was extremely puzzling of how the ushijima wakatoshi was fiddling with his fingers—appearing nervous. That was a first. “Another? Toshi I-“I’m sincerely sorry if I didn’t give you everything you want, you see I’m not very good at this dating relationship and I’m learning so I understand if you went to someone else-“Why would I ever want to break up with you?” The continuous fiddling of his fingers continued, clearing his throat. “Are you okay?” You leant forward, doting features sending ushijima’s mind into a frenzy. “Ah yes, you just-look stunning in that dress.” This statement floored you. God he was perfect. “Toshi, that’s my brother you were referring to. The ‘another.’” You swore his jaw dropped to the table. “Oh then.. I believe this was a misunderstanding, shall I take you home?” A sly smile crept at your lips, taking his comment and twisting it mischievously. “Take me home? To do what?” You chided, watching as his face contorted ever so slightly. “To.. help you out of your dress, it’d be hard to unzip it.” And once again a gentleman despite your coaxing. “Perhaps we could do something else after I help you from your dress?” Now it was your jaw’s turn to drop.

Kuroo mopes. He utterly mopes. Sitting on the couch with one of Kenma’s cats sleeping peacefully atop his head while watching literally every season of Naruto in existence. At some point even Kenma himself steps from his room to ask if he’s still alive. It’s a miracle really that he’s still eating that bag of Lays, munching nonstop. And as expected Kenma receives a call from you in the midst of the ordeal, asking where your potato-chip-eating boyfriend is. Kenma doesn’t lie to you, explaining that the raven-haired is in a state of denial because you paired with someone other boy in your Biology for the project “when you could’ve been learning the periodic table song with him” he quotes, earning a burst of laughter from you. Boy Kenma was a great impressionist. Nonetheless you show up uninvited, standing in front of the tv screen with crossed arms. “You! You’re in love with him aren’t you! The greasy hair, ugly face and everything! Look at you little missy thinking you can get away with-“ On his entourage of accusations and complaining he stands so close to you it’s not hard to smell the stench of 2 days worth of couch-potato days sticking to his clothes. “Ugh! You stink! How long have you been on the couch?” You plug your nose, unbeknownst to the amused Kenma recording at the doorway. “Uhh.. Two.. days? Wah! Wait!” Kuroo calls as you disappear into the bathroom. “No! I’m not coming out ‘till you shower!!” — “Fine but then can I sing you the periodic table song?” — “..Maybe.”

-maak

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