#i’m sorry to anyone who expected legitimate art 90% of the time I’m just in the mood for shitposts

[jaskaaaaa]

paused my htn reread to doodle my favourite (entirely real!) novelty shirts

[ryttu3k]

Finishing up SoNY, ‘bad’ end and final thoughts!

But first, the early game over.

Wow, she just gets shot. Not even slurped? That’s rude as hell XD;;

And on to the ‘bad’ end!

Beginning is much the same, ofc.

“You’re too in love with weaving a good story and establishing a seductive narrative to let facts get in the way.” Foreshadowing for the ‘good’ end, maybe?

God that Embrace scene gives me literal goosebumps.

Alright! Last time I did Danse Macabre and Retributive Justice, let’s try The Risks of Swiping Right!

lmao god I’d eat this guy too. Back to the ghost club! That legitimately is a really neat scene. ...Ooh yes so that’s where the girl was from.

Panhard just lowkey dying at the mental image of Katherine Weise in a fast food restaurant is so good.

The sweet scene between Julia and Dakota hits a bit different after the ‘good’ end XD;;

Went to the park, reminisced, and helped out the guy. That was sweet ;_; High-humanity Julia, this time!

‘Fairy God Mother?’ is great but ‘Vin Diesel?’ is objectively the funnier response.

“Shining even more brightly than usual, Aisling.” Samira got a cru-ush~

Poor Julie. It’s probably been tough without Sophie around :(

Huh. Interestingly, refusing to lie to Mia results in Julia actually feeling genuine loyalty to the Cammies (for now, at least).

Believing Agathon is still alive = more optimistic = different dialogue! See, this is how you make choices have consequences, game!

Oooh boy time to meet Adelaide XD;;

“She uncrosses her legs in a strangely seductive motion. In her mind’s eye, it probably looked like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, but in reality, it had all the grace of a tracksuit Slav squatting.” *snickering*

Fight me, Adelaide >:(

‘sup Nastya. Went with the slightly less disruptive routine here XD Huh, she’s an aspiring DJ! Julia is deeply confused as to how being a DJ and being head of security works together.

lmao Julia referring to Hope as a girlboss. That phrase has lost all meaning to me...

The conversation between Julia and Father Leonard is still really interesting. Man, you know who I want Julia to talk to? Anatole. Interesting insights into balancing being queer Catholic vampires there for sure.

lmao oh my god I want to fight this street reporter.

‘I can almost feel my brain losing its wrinkles.’ *snort*

Yeaghhhh the Abyss bit is still so creepy...

Oops. Being honest regarding Tamika and Torque’s relationships gets a fail :(

Oh, or not XD That works! Also, uh, apparently the giant albino ghoul alligator is real, according to New York by Night. He’s Calebros’ pet.

“Because I think I have a pretty good nose for people’s auras. And when I take a good look at you... ...somehow, I have a feeling you’re a surprisingly decent person. Whatever way of unlife you choose, I hope you don’t change it. And that you remember my advice.” :)

“I know.” Oof.

“Hi.” “WAAAH!” lmao sorry Princess XD;; Just trying to imagine Qadir’s face as he tells Julia to find a 1990 glass statue of Scrooge McDuck... dying...

Oh she’s so a Toreador XD Low art options are a fantasy book, an anime DVD, or a video game... those can all be arty, though! And went with the anime DVD called ‘Ririsu no Daibouken’... that translates to ‘Adventures of Lilith’. How on the nose XD “The cover says ‘Lilith’s Carnal Carnival’.” Oh. Yeah, that’d do it XD

“This 90s original video anime presents us with a tale of five big-bosomed samurai warriors travelling through America in search of General Hastavista, The Incubus King. Don’t let all the titillation misguide you: the main draws here are peerless direction, a nearly avant-garde editing rhythm and dialogue that coyly comments on traditional gender roles in anime. Once you see the animation in the final battle, you’ll understand why it never fails to set a sakuga fan’s heart ablaze!”

She’s my new favourite.

“So can I know your name now?”

“Hmmm... Let me think...

No. <3″

I need to stress that the heart appears in the dialogue box. Like. The actual less-than-three heart.

Didn’t investigate the rat this time, so Qadir did and I die. “Glad you’re alright, little guy.” Qadir...

Still not over the drunk blood doll rats.

Kaiser’s still a goddamn creep and this time Julia is not going too far. She still has her humanity, dammit. Final set of traits:

Loyal to the end

Glass half-full

Not into a bad cop schtick

Honesty is the best policy

No more human, still humane

Onwards to the ‘bad’ end! Oops, and Dakota still did the Single White Female thing XD;;

Man I’m still really curious who the ‘good friend’ is!!

Okay! Time for end game!!

So that’s the good friend, huh? “Let me phrase it differently, then. You’re not Ecaterina the Wise, the Agitator of Prague, a Brujah elder causing turbulences all over the world... are you?”

Mention of Christof! Mention of Christof doing shady shit :| Poor Hana.

“An immigrant from Eastern Europe comes to New York City, takes the position she always expected to find herself in, is molded into someone who is no longer herself.”

Julia and Dakota representing Carthage is kind of neat.

I want to say the mention of St Jude is a reference, but I’m not sure what to XD;; Is that from Redemption? Christof could have been the one to tell Hana that.

“Like a two-person human centipede loop or something. An Ouroburos? Or an, uhh, Mobius strip?” No, that’s the other traditionally Sabbat clan XD

That‘s. That’s a hell of a reconciliation XD “Yeah, let’s give it a try. By the way I’m on the run for my unlife, want to go to California and try to find utopia?”

Julia, wear a fucking mask XD

“Hey.”

“Yeah?“

“Do you love me?”

“... Of course I do. For now, at least.”

I still don’t know if I love her. Or even if I can love anyone, for that matter. I’m a fucking monster, after all. I don’t even know if we’ll exist next month. The prospects are not looking good. But although I can’t see myself in the rearview mirror right now...

...I will remember this image of us leaving the city, somewhat melancholic, and somewhat hopeful, forever. And maybe the meaning of this image will be clarified with time. Or maybe I will just force a more positive description on it, and that is what I’ll believe.

No matter what happens... even if oceans of blood lie before us, I will make this a cherished memory.

Whatever possible salvation still remains for me... ...it probably lies in the eyes of another.

Oh dang I have chills.

So the ‘bad’ ending is about the subverted compromise. Julia resigns herself to letting the compromise about the truth of Callihan’s death go ahead. ‘Catherine’ is a walking compromise to hide the Ecaterina’s real deeds. But while Hana is still stuck in her role for now, Julia refuses to accept the compromise she’s made, both the one relating to the investigation and the compromise she made of her own views and morals. It might blow up in her face, yeah. But damn, she’s going to try.

So, final thoughts! For the sake of completion, this is what I said about Coteries:

And of course this is the part where the game all falls apart :-\

Just… god. This is probably the biggest problem with CoNY, and the reason I didn’t bother getting it until it was like… 60% off. The bulk of the game is great - the writing is intriguing, the design is stunning. But the choices themselves are so limited it’s barely worth even getting it at 60% off!

You have three choices of characters, with their own opening chapters and own individual scenes with their touchstones. You have four choices of coterie members, and three sidequests. You can probably get in at least three full story arcs and a sidequest or two, but you’re only ever limited to two of your coterie members showing up at the not-yet-endgame.

So let’s say you decide to play all three protags, which, indeed, is encouraged (there’s an achievement for it). You are going to repeat coterie arcs and side quests, because there simply aren’t enough for three unique playthroughs.

And then you get to the end and literally everything is scripted. You get attacked by the SI. You get rescued by your two coterie members (and then never see them again, despite the game being called Coteries of New York). You meet Torque, you escape the SI, Sophie reveals her plan to Torque, you go to Ellis Island, Adelaide kills Sophie (and despite the fact that you’re given multiple options there, none of them work), Arturo does his spiel, end of game. You don’t even get to choose between ending up blood bound or going “no fuck you” and at least dying with a bit of dignity!

I just. I really want to like it, and there genuinely is a lot there to like! But uuuugh the ending. Like damn at least give the poor protag the option to choose what happens to them!

Anyway. Not sure what’s next. To get all the achievements, you have to finish with all three protags, so that’s three full runs and a lot of repetitiveness (compare to, say, Bloodlines or Night Road. I have eighty-five hours on Night Road and there’s still stuff I haven’t seen!), so I can’t even just… rush it through up to the meeting with the touchstones on the third play. Nope. Gotta finish it :-\

Final rating: 6/10

8/10 characters, 9/10 atmosphere, 8/10 story aside from ending, 3/10 story ending, 2/10 replayability. Final consensus: get it on major sale if you can, otherwise, you might as well just watch an LP. I might do that instead of doing a third run, although I at least want to do a second.

I ended up revising that 6/10 to 5.5/10 after finishing all runs and getting the achievements just out of how goddamn repetitive it was. So, how does Shadows measure up?

Absolutely continued with all the things I enjoyed about CoNY (characters, atmosphere, and writing), and of the bits I hated (cookie cutter protagonists, lack of real choice, repetitiveness, the godawful ending), every single part has been completely improved.

Instead of three fledglings so similar they even have the same internal thoughts, we have Julia, who’s got such a distinct voice that she becomes the most memorable game protag I’ve seen in years, and I’m including non-VtM games in this. This is absolutely her game, and it’s just... absolutely fascinating to read and watch.

Related - actual real choices. There are five key choices that determine the ending, and every single one has actual consequence in-game. You get different dialogue. Different introspection. Different philosophies. And this carries across - if Julia believes Agathon is alive, she’s more optimistic about her relationship with Dakota, too. And of course, both endings are completely distinct and incredibly written - the ‘good’ ending where Julia gives in to her most Lasombra instincts, plays the game, wins it, gets power and respect at the expense of her humanity and avoiding all those wraiths... or the ‘bad’ ending when she listens to her morals, reconciles with Dakota, and leaves for California, uncertain, but hopeful.

Not a lot of repetitiveness. Yes, by design, you’ll probably do two playthroughs. The main plot is much the same, but there are enough options there to get multiple dialogue options and stuff. And for the little sidequests, you can actually get all in with just the two playthroughs, only repeating like... two, I think. Still, I wasn’t feeling actively bored like I was midway through my second run of CoNY!

Loved seeing more in-depth backstory and development for the coterie members. Agathon’s section was particularly fascinating, literally getting into his head.

And just. Atmosphere and music is so, so good.

Final rating: 9/10. Thank you, Draw Distance, you hit it out of the park.

[tlbodine]

Stories That Don’t Flinch: Let’s Talk About Hereditary

There’s a lot to be said about 2018′s Hereditary, the directorial debut of Ari Aster. We could talk about it’s oppressive atmosphere and slow-but-inevitable-crescendo pacing. We could talk about the unbearable tension built around a crumbling family. Or we could talk at length about its incredible amounts of meticulous foreshadowing and the tightness of its visual storytelling. 

But I want to talk about that scene. You know the one. 

Heavy spoilers underneath the cut. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, venture cautiously forward -- you might want to watch it spoiler-free so you can be shocked the way I was. Trigger warnings for child death. This is not a pleasant movie. 

Hereditary opens on a funeral, but its first on-screen death happens around the 35 minute mark, and nothing can really prepare you for it. 

Up to this point, you think you know where this movie is headed. We’re introduced to Annie, a mother who’s dealing with complicated grief after her own mother’s death. They didn’t have a good relationship, to say the least, and her own life has been marked by a series of tragedies tied to mental illness. We’re introduced to her daughter Charlie, an uncanny child whose hobbies include eating chocolate, drawing, and building creepy-ass effigies in her bedroom. 

We have every reason to believe that the primary conflict of the film will be centered on the difficult relationship between mother and daughter. Annie wasn’t close to her mother, but Charlie had a special bond with her grandmother. Charlie is despondent and weird and creepy. She does things like sneak out to sleep in her tree house, follow lights into the woods, and cut the head off a dead bird for her next art project. 

So around the half-hour mark, Charlie’s older brother Peter asks if he can go to a party. His mother, suspecting there might be drinking involved, tells him to take his little sister along -- a classic parenting move I think is probably familiar to most people. I know I spent a lot of time as a kid being the annoying tag-along sister chaperoning (and cock-blocking) my brothers and their friends. Highly relatable. 

Anyway - so Peter takes Charlie to the party and is trying to make the best of it (ie, not let his weird creepy kid sister completely ruin his chance at having fun) so he gently urges her to go eat a piece of cake and enjoy herself. Unbeknownst to both of them, the cake has walnuts in it -- and we’ve previously established that Charlie has a nut allergy. 

Not long later, Charlie finds Peter sequestered in an upstairs bedroom, taking a bong rip. She’s broken out into a rash and started to wheeze. 

Peter, being a dumb teenager, panics and bundles her up in the car to drive back to mom and dad -- a bad call, but again, utterly relatable. Who’s going to call an ambulance to a party full of underage drinking and weed? What teenage boy is going to remember to carry an epi-pen all the time for his kid sister? 

So he starts driving down the empty country road leading to their house. It’s dark, and he’s flooring the gas pedal. We see the speedometer top out at 90. Charlie is gasping and wheezing terribly in the back seat. She rolls down the window and leans out, trying to breathe better. Peter, obviously frightened, is trying to share his attention between her in the backseat and the road. 

There’s a dead deer lying in the middle of the road. 

He swerves to avoid it. There’s a telephone pole on the side of the road, the same side Charlie is hanging out of. 

We hear the impact, and we know. We know what happened. 

At that point watching this movie, I legitimately screamed, and that doesn’t happen often. Never in a million years would I have expected that. 

Kids in movies -- even horror movies -- tend to have plot armor. It’s pretty rare that the kid dies. It happens, of course (look at Pet Sematary), but it’s uncommon. 

And it’s rare in movies -- even horror movies -- for a death to be sudden and honest and brutal. Stories usually give you a place to hide, emotionally, when a character dies. Either the death is treated with some filter of sentimentality -- sad music and on-screen tears and a lingering camera view of fingers unfurling, or some such -- or the shlocky gore factor is played up, driving the death to the point of absurdity so that you can feel a little safer about watching it. 

It’s pretty rare for death in fiction to come suddenly and brutally and without any warning or safe space to hide, and for that death to be the death of a child -- shit. It was hardcore. It was viscerally uncomfortable to watch. We actually had to pause the movie to go outside for a minute and collect ourselves before going back into it. 

And not just because the death itself was so shocking and so awful, but because the film broke an unspoken contract: 

The kid isn’t supposed to die. We had every reason up to that point to believe that she was going to be the main character, or the antagonist. 

It’s a genuinely Hitchcockian twist, and watching it, I think I know how audiences must have felt the first time Psycho aired on theaters. That kind of contractual betrayal works on a meta-textual basis to deeply unsettle the audience. 

We’re barely 40 minutes into a 2-hour+ film at this point. Where the fuck can it go from here? 

Back on the screen -- Peter has stopped the car, and he is completely frozen with shock in the front seat. There is no more noise from the back seat. He doesn’t dare look. He knows. He knows what he’s going to see back there. And for a long, long time, he sits there frozen in complete shock and terror. 

And then he puts the car into gear and drives home. 

And pulls into the driveway and goes inside and climbs into his bed without ever looking in the back seat, without saying anything to anyone, without turning on a light or making a noise. He lays down in bed wide-eyed and completely numb and, some sleepless quantity of time later, hears the sounds of his parents moving around, and his mom heading down to the car, and then her screaming. 

I don’t know that I have ever felt more sorry for a fictional character in my life than I did for Peter at that moment. 

This poor kid -- this doe-eyed teenager, who made some bad calls, but can you blame him? None of this was his fault, not really. And now he’s going to live with this weight for the rest of his life. He is completely and utterly traumatized, and we know immediately that he’s not going to get any support in this -- not from his mother, who we can already see is both selfish and pathological in her own grief. 

As you might expect, things continue to get worse for him throughout the rest of the film. 

And just in case you thought the movie would be kind to you -- just in case you thought you still had somewhere safe to hide, in case you thought you could get away without confronting the whole situation (god help me) head-on...well. In the bright light of day, the family (and the camera) return to the scene to retrieve Charlie’s head, already teeming with ants. 

This movie does not pull any punches. Not a single one. 

I think there are a lot of useful things to learn from this particular film, from an artistic standpoint: 

You have an unspoken contract with the audience. There are certain expectations that people have based on genre conventions and cultural norms. You can break those to great effect -- but you have to be careful with it, because breaking those conventions is a betrayal of trust. You might lose audience members who are not willing to surrender their time and attention to a creator who betrays the contract. This is the kind of thing you can only manage to pull off once in a story, and you’ve got to make it count. 

Highly specific situations are often, paradoxically, more relatable than “universal” ones. Eschewing common tropes and expected, predictable creative choices can make a story feel more authentic and real. The situation of going to a party and having to drag your kid sister along is real. Panicking and running home to mom instead of calling an ambulance is real. Being in total shock after a terrible accident and not telling anyone about it is real. They’re things I don’t necessarily think I’ve seen play out very often in a story, but they’re things that are absolutely believable. Universal tropes are often based more on cultural norms of behavior than on actual individual experiences. Real life is usually messier and stranger and more messed up. Crib experiences from real life -- yours, your friends, your family, news stories -- to tell authentic and relatable stories. 

Decide whether you want to give the audience a place to hide. Sometimes horror movies are fun. Sometimes you want to create a scary environment that people can feel safe watching, like a haunted house. You give them places to hide and protect themselves emotionally -- you incorporate humor, you drive up the absurdity of the violence, you make all of the characters sort of caricature-esque. But sometimes you want to make a story that will actually genuinely horrify the audience -- even traumatize them. And you do that by refusing to flinch or look away or pull punches. You make them confront the terrible things directly and force them to process them on their own. 

Anyway. I’m not sure that Hereditary manages to live up to its first act. It’s a fine film, and it continues to be creepy and uncomfortable and genuinely horrifying throughout -- but that death scene is a tough act to follow, and I personally found its supernatural resolution to somewhat cheapen the events that preceded it. 

But that scene will stick with me forever. This film will haunt me. And for someone who consumes and creates as much horror media as I do, that is truly saying something. 

[elevenhoursinfront-blog]

15th September 2017

We woke up around 0730. Well, I did but I woke Steve up trying to get out of the bed. I woke up starving because we had our "dinner" at lunch time. I had my muesli straight away outside on the bench in the courtyard area. Steve eventually joined me but he didn't have breakfast. He's not a breakfast person really. I was still having a pitty party. Why did this happen to us? Why couldn't it happen 3 months down the line. I needed to get out of my state of mind. The problem isn't that the farm shut down, really. We didn't want our second year and that's what farm work is actually for. We were going to keep the second year but just as a back up plan, in case we wanted it for a few years down the line. I like having options. We wanted the experience and we got it. Now that we've lost it, we're going to miss it, I'm sure. The actual problem is that I don't like unexpected change that I didn't create for myself. This wasn't my choice therefore I don't like it. I like to be in control and there was nothing I could do about it. I sat on the bed and completed the Seafarm application form. Steve did his after mine. I went to the office to collect the van keys so I could drive there and drop the forms off. I asked Cait if she wanted to come with us, but she hadn't done hers yet. I told Hugo and Donald that we were leaving and they jumped in the van with us. I had only been to the seafarm once yesterday but I have an excellent sense of direction and managed to get us there without any help. I was shocked when I managed to get us to Coles last week which is a 45 minute drive away, I had no Satnav or anything then either. That was by memory. I definitely don't get that from my Mum. We handed the forms in and the lady said it'll be about 6 weeks. Funny that. When I first rang, the guy said 3-4 weeks. Yesterday when we picked them up, the lady said 4-5 weeks and now it's 6 weeks. I don't think they know what's happening. The Seafarm will probably make Steve and I so miserable. It's 6 days a week, 14 hour days with 1 half an hour break. The only reason we want it, is because the money is brilliant. We'd save up what we'd need for the East Coast in 4 weeks... (The money is only good because we're there for 90% of the 4 weeks). We got back and I found an application form for the Banana Farm in Tully. I done my application and then Steve's, and sent them off. Tully is 40-60 minutes away so we'd be able to probably stay in Cardwell and drive there. I'm trying my hardest to stay here because we're so comfortable. I love our room, I love the area (as much as you can love being in the middle of nowhere with nothing). I love the pool and just how chilled out it is. I panic having to start again somewhere new. It started to rain. Like we needed any more reasons to be down around here. I got myself showered and chilled in the room. I started to get my blogs done. Steve came into the room after chatting away to Danny outside. He said that Danny and Fraser were going to walk down to the Aboriginal Museum if we wanted to join. We weren't doing anything else so we said yeah - why not. I put jeans on because I get cold easily. One bit of aircon and I've got goosebumps for the entire time. We walked the 10 minutes down to the 'museum'. It was a museum, but it was tiny. I'm not sure what I was expecting to be fair. We're in the tiny town of Cardwell after all. It was basically a house with two big rooms. One room had items from Aboriginal past with loads of information and the other had gifts and art you could buy. We stayed there reading all the facts, looking at the things they made from hand. It was really interesting, especially because it was mainly about Cardwell Aboriginals. There were photos displayed of their groups in 1940. We went outside and walked around their mini botanical garden before I found the weirdest looking spider we've ever come across. It was medium size, nothing all that big. It was the shape of an X with 4 legs. It's spiders web went in an X shape too but if you looked closely, they were in zig-zag form. It was beyond weird. I took a photo. We walked back after spending the best part of 45 minutes walking around. We got back to the hostel and I was sweating. It was cloudy and raining earlier but now it was blue skies and sunny. I wish the weather would make it's mind up. I got out of my jeans as soon as possible. I spent the next hour trying to catch up on my blogs. I went outside to see what everyone was doing and I found Steve, Danny and Fraser on the floor playing giant snakes and ladders. Men are so easily pleased I love it. I let them continue and hid back in my little den, right where the aircon was. I uploaded my GoPro photos and videos to my laptop, then continued with the pile up of blogs I had. Around 1500, I heard a knock at the door. I answered it and it was Lisa and Hugo. They said they were going to go fishing on the jetty and asked whether we wanted to go. Of course, big ears did so we put the laptop away and went outside into the courtyard. I stood around waiting for the boys to find the fishing rods and spoke to Mitch and Cait. The boys sorted themselves out and then we turned around to find Vicki behind us. I went over and gave her a cuddle. She was here to say goodbye to Cait and Mitch and pick up some books they were giving her. We stood there for 45 minutes chatting to her. We were able to get some photos together which was nice. Vicki said she'd spent the whole day crying. She woke up thinking it was a dream but it wasn't. Luckily, she has good links to other farms and one of them in Innisvale rang her. The guy said to her that he has no idea why he's ringing her because he literally has nothing to offer at the moment but, he knows... That's so lovely. She said hopefully something comes up in a month and he said that he should have something by then. Hopefully Vicki will be alright. She said that she'd never stepped foot off of the Australian ground so we said that she should 100% go to England, and other places obviously. She'd have so many people that would let her stay with them too. We had to say goodbye and she started to cry again. She said that it was a good job that the farm has closed because she couldn't keep doing this. See gets attached to the backpackers she hires and then her heart breaks when they leave her. I really hope she, and her family will be okay. Steve and I walked down to the jetty because the others had already left. I didn't want to leave mid-conversation with Vicki so I gave them the van keys. It was really windy out. We got to the end of the jetty and the two lads Donald and Hugo were fishing, or so what they called 'fishing'. I sat down and watch Steve get involved with a crab line or something like that. After a good, long, boring 10 minutes. I decided that it was time to go back... It was windy and very unenjoyable. Lexi joined us on the way home from work, so I drove her, myself and Steve back to the hostel. I said I'd pick the others up later when they wanted. Around 1900, I had my dinner which was cereal. We weren't that hungry so cereal would do the trick. I sat outside with Lexi who was having a meltdown about farm work. She said that she was running out of time to get her 3 months in to secure her second year which she really wants. This is the standard situation for the majority of backpackers. Although, you only have to do 3 months (88 days), backpackers spend roughly 6 months of their year getting these signed off. Waiting lists are ridiculously long and farmers take the p*ss because they know they can. Some aren't legitimate which is scary. I would only go to a farm that I know is safe because someone has already stayed here. Hence why we're here and we're happy. Thanks Emma! There are about 4 options a backpacker can have when it comes to farm work. 1) Do the farm work, if you're lucky enough to find a great farm. 2) Don't do the farm work and find a farmer to pay to lie for you about completing the 3 months. Usually will cost $300. The visa itself costs $440. 3) Try your hardest, work at stupid farms and then give up on the idea of a second year because you are hating on Australia so much (in the moment feel). 4) Lie about doing your farm work, apply for the visa and hope for the best. Only 1/5 visas get investigated. You put the application in, lie about your days, pay for it and wait. If it gets accepted, you're a lucky son of a mother. If not, you can just cancel your application so the investigation doesn't go ahead. Lexi said that she was thinking about just applying for it but she said she was scared. I said go for it because the only thing she has to lose is the money for the visa... That way, she'll know what to do with the rest of her first year. Naughty, but hey ho. Thousands do it. She came into my room and borrowed my laptop. The form took around 30 minutes to complete and she parted with the $440. Here's hoping... Lexi said she wanted to watch a DVD. I was sad that our room didn't have one - only some did. I remembered that Katie had one in her room and I was hoping it was still in there. Steve went and broke into the room and found it. BTW, we live in a tin can and you can get into anyone’s room with ease. It's not really breaking in. He took the DVD player and wires and put them into our TV. The TV then had a weird line across the front of it. He then decided to change our TV over so he went breaking in again... He's such a crimmie. We went to the office and it was shut with the lights on. Leonie was just sitting there. She's devastated that she's losing her backpackers because of the farm shutting. I feel so, so sorry for her and Rod. I don't really like Rod as a person, he's not very nice to English people. But still, it's not their fault and they give us as much as they can. We picked our DVD's and left. They have loads to rent for us which is great. We got into bed and ended up falling asleep without even putting a film on...

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, week thirty-nine

Opinions on the songs which debuted on the billboard charts 4 october 1997, 6 october 2007, and 7 october 2017

10.4.1997

24) "The One I Gave My Heart To," by Aaliyah

I agree, '90s R&B. It IS sad when people you love hurt you. I used to think it was good when people you loved made you feel sad, but I've been listening to your arguments for the last few months, and you know what? You're right. People you love should make you feel good! Took a while, but I'm finally coming around to your side.

28) "Criminal," by Fiona Apple

So I'm on vacation from work, and I've been taking this time off to not think about anything and just sorta stare blankly at whatever the screen has to offer, so this is not a song for my current mental state. There's so much to unpack with this song, and I'm just not yet acclimated to thinking about what this song has to offer. I need to get back on that critical thinking horse, but I've been lazy the last couple days, aand like you know how difficult it is to concentrate on anything? Y'all givin' me shit like "I've got to make a play to make my lover stay, so what would an angel say? The devil wants to know," and I gotta try to frame it in some context or another, and meanwhile the Link to the Past rando tournament is right there. I can just turn that back on at any moment. Shit, dude. I'm sorry, Fiona Apple. I'm trying. You caught me at a bad time, but this is still probably the best song I've heard in a hot minute, so you've got that going for ya!

84) "Last Night's Letter," by K-Ci & JoJo

THANK YOU, 1997. This is how the list should've been ordered. Groove these '90s R&B slo jamz up the middle so I can make jokewords and get some practice thinking, THEN throw something with lyrical depth and whatnot at me. This song says "I'll love you always" before we even hit the first chorus. Follow Aaliyah up with this, then give me the country song that's gonna follow, THEN I'll be ready to say something substantive about Fiona Apple. Fiona Apple was a thing, right? Like, she would've pretty much been '97 Lena Dunham? Or would she have been a Woke Twitter Hero? I don't know, and it's too late to ever find out because the list has moved on to a song where two men with nice voices sing about passion and devotion. "I wrote this letter last night." Do you think they wrote "I wrote this letter" in the actual letter? Do you think they repeated the chorus in the actual letter? I hope so!

87) "Valentine," by Martina McBride & Jim Brickman

Imagine going to a hoedown, turning on the local country radio station, and hearing this. I mean, maybe this was a solid play for adult contemporary radio, I dunno who Jim Brickman is but I dobut he goes hard too often, but Tay Tay's "Red" was a #2 country single. It would follow that country would listen to anything Martina McBride, but like just... Every single bro country dude was weaned on songs like this. This was what country music sounded like before "i respect the flag AND the party" bullshit. I've made this point before, but it's worth noting, pop/country? That's a genre with a bizarre evolutionary line!

91) "Please," by The Kinleys

you could tell me these white girls are either sisters or two girls named kinley that happened to meet one day, and i would believe it. this is a song that would've been good enough to make the top 20 back when i only had like ten weeks of '97 to sift through, i would've said "yeah this is basic but it's not 'my baby daddy,'" but it's october and we've listened to so many other things and i've already forgotten what this was. country? sure. country. good job, country girls who probably named their kids Carson and Mackenzie.

95) "Go Away," by Lorrie Morgan

If you are using tumblr, your opinion of Marilyn Monroe has gone through three stages: 1) Marilyn Monroe is the epitome of glamour 2) Marilyn Monroe was basically Paris Hilton, like what did she do even? 3) HELL YEAH, MARILYN MONROE WAS PARIS HILTON. SHE WAS HOT AS HELL AND FUCKED ALL THE TIME. GOALS. This is the hottest country girl jam 1997 has provided, but it opens with some Marilyn Monroe cosplay, and this song is a hot jam in a way where it's like "hell yeah, I'd listen to this again!" and not "let's start a music discussion club to delve into the deeper meanings of this song. When she asks, 'Go away and wait a minute,' what does she mean?" so let's just goof on the video!

10.6.2007

53) "Do it Well," Jennifer Lopez

I heard the annoying Timbalandy intro and thought for sure 2007 was hitting us with more of that Kara DioGuardi. Nope! Ryan Tedder! Still a shitty Timbaland ripoff, that Latin pop jam J. Lo released a few months (and ten years) ago was way more in her wheelhouse than this, but I misidentified the bad songwriter who'd been tasked with wasting these three minutes of my life. Ryan Tedder's been doing things for ten years. I am so glad I'm an unexceptional white man, because it means life will never stop presenting me with opportunities regardless of whether or not I deserve them.

73) "1973," James Blunt

The fact that this song actually debuted at #73 makes me so happy. You have no idea. Like, this song is what you would expect the follow-up to "You're Beautiful" to be, James Blunt is trying desperately to show he has some edge and is also a Deep Thinker who doesn't look at girls and think about whether or not he thinks they're hot, he now tries to figure out a year in which she could have been beautiful. "Girl, you're so hot, you remind me of the year before I was born." Swoon. Such a serious artist, this one. Also: did you guys know three people are credited songwriters on "You're Beautiful?" Also also: there's a song called "2005" which is pretty much about "You're Beautiful?" Oh, James Blunt. I am prepared to fall down this YouTube hole someday, but not today. I have to figure out who Playaz Circle is.

91) "Duffle Bag Boy," Playaz Circle ft./Lil Wayne

Oh, 2 Chainz! That's who this is! Well, here I am, forgetting 2 Chainz existed as an entity before he was 2 Chainz and omitting him from the Decade Dance Club! Anyway, this is a song that presages Lil Wayne's extremely good decision to rebrand as a rock god, and it's, y'know, it's fine. It's an acceptable 2007 rap song, much like "Good Drank" was an acceptable 2017 rap song about half a year ago. I accept that this was ever in my life, and I will move on once I feel this paragraph appears large enough that someone could conceivably mistake this for in-depth analysis. What a large paragraph I wrote with no actual content! We have done good work.

94) "Freaky Gurl," Gucci Mane

Gucci Mane is another of the 35-member Decade Dance Club, and with songs like this, there's no shortage of reasons we've kept him around for so long! The way he only uses one flow so you don't get confused and think you're listening to multiple rappers. Intricate rhymes like in the third verse, where he ends six consecutive lines with "girl." And the way each verse only has eight bars so he can go back to the chorus is so polite, it knows why we came to the song and doesn't wanna screw around or seem indulgent with all those fancy A A A A A A rhyme schemes! Gucci Mane: ten years of greatness. Truly, something whose endurance I understand.

95) "Famous in a Small Town," Miranda Lambert

Miranda Lambert is one of my favorite country artists. I also get squicked out when millionaires sing lines like "Who needs their faces in a magazine?" You are incredibly famous! You don't get to sing this song! You are famous in several big cities! Don't sing songs revelling in mediocrity when you, yourself, are special! Like, Gucci Mane is awful, but at least he doesn't fuck around about the fact he owns a Hummer. He's not like "Don't worry if you can't afford a Hummer, life's not all about glamour!" he's saying, "Hell yeah, I got a Hummer. I fuck inside this big ol' car. You should get a Hummer. They're rad." Gucci Mane is a truth-teller, and we should respect that.

99) "Can't Help but Wait," Trey Songz

so like did they record one person clapping their hands and use that for every single '07 r&b song, or did they record hand claps every time they banged one of these out. i hope they made new hand clap noises for every song, it would make each song feel a little more personal, but i think all the studios just like shared the same hand clapping noise. i wonder whose hands they were that made this noise. this song is boring. why did anyone listen to this. they made this song a thousand times in 1997. seems like a waste of the handclaps.

7 October 2017

2) "rockstar," by Post Malone ft./21 Savage

"i cannot contain lyrical abilities of going so hard." what. why. why. who is this... i'm listening to this and wishing i was listening to a nickelback song. this is how fucking dire this song is. like legitimately. this song bites from nickelback, then has the audacity, the muthafuckin AUDACITY to say, "i can tell you're a lazy-ass aritst." preacher, heal thyself.

66) "Too Much to Ask," by Niall Horan

Niall Horan is a nice boy making nice songs and this is going to be another week where 2017 gives me absolutely nothing to work with, isn't it. I mean, I guess it's fine that Niall Horan is a person making John Mayer songs in a world where garbage like Post Malone rules the day, but why does he have to be John Mayer? Can't we do better than John Mayer? Is this really all we have to look forward to on the weeks that divas are not accompanied by an army of brass instruments, is maybe we're cool with Lorde but mostly the hope someone will sound like John Mayer instead of Calvin Harris? 2017, what ya doin'.

67) "Curve," by Gucci Mane ft./The Weeknd

No, sir, Gucci Mane has not lost a step in the last ten years! He's actually improved: this song is two and a half minutes long. Like, we're minimizing time loss, here. I know nothing good will happen. On some level, Gucci Mane knows he's not creating great, lasting art. Just talk about your dick for two and a half minutes and let me go back about my day.

85) "DNA," by BTS

My favorite was the one with the silver hair with the haunted voice because I think The Goth One is unexplored territory for boy bands and I'm glad that BTS has decided to be pioneers. I'm into this! It's dumb, loud pop music, but after so many months of dumb quiet pop music, I think it's high time we just let some young men dance their hearts out and sing about whatever grand emotion they're singing about, probably love, I don't know, I'm actually not ready to let go of this being a Kendrick cover. This is fun! Pop music should sound like Coke tastes, not how Coke makes you feel. This is a sugary little treat, and I'm glad that I was able to listen to it.

92) "Homemade Dynamite," by Lorde ft./Khalid, Post Malone & SZA

I like the original. I liked Melodrama because it sounded like its own thing, and this just sounds like something I could've gotten from any of the EDM bros. Khalid and Post Malone add their usual nothing, and with SZA, it's the same thing, I'd much rather listen to her on her own thing than her on someone else's thing. I dunno. I think y'all should've listened to this song before they felt like they had to ruin it with Post Malone. Lorde's great! I wish I could figure out why the general public rejected her but embraced Khalid!

Who won the week?

1997 because it had the only song I liked.

Current standings: 1997: 14 2007: 12 2017: 13 Next week: Elton John remakes “Candle in the Wind” for some reason, we insist on summoning old Tay Tay to the phone, and oh goddamnit 2017′s gonna give us Macklemore come on 2017 get it together