#i’m so much more creative at night but sadly i live in the stupid real world and can’t pull all-nighters as regularly as i used to

[arpeggio-the-parrot]

Y’all I’m on a creative high rn and working on multiple things at once; going back and forth between personal art, an entry for an OCT I’m participating in, and my Arpeggio fanfic/semi-related written works. Last night, I done stayed up til nearly 3AM writing the Arpeggio fic LOL but I also worked on a short story that’s also related to Arpeggio but from my main (yet to be titled) AU.

I can’t WAIT to show y’all my Arpeggio writings when they’re finished!!! He’s a very important character to me despite not being my own, and I’m looking forward to share with y’all my take on his story/character, which I’ve developed over the course of the entire 15 years I’ve loved him for this far! ❤️

[djemsostylist]

I think I posted something last week about plot vs. character, and damn was episode 34 the prime perfect example of this.  The entire episode was Plot.  Plot said “do this” so the characters did it, regardless of whether or not it made sense. 

In a way, this episode was more infuriating than all the others written by this team, and not because of the lackluster ending--that was both expected and honestly right in keeping with how terribly this entire plot has been handled.  But while previous episodes have been nothing but repeats of one singular plot line over and over (Eda and Serkan snark fight--Eda throws Deniz in Serkan’s face, Serkan throws Selin in Eda’s, there is one nice moment, Serkan is a dick again and Eda cries alone) this episode took things to the extreme with plot devices, and after nearly 7 weeks, I’m tired. 

I hate it it here. 

Everyone seems to have been excusing the Eda/Deniz mess for weeks, but I can’t.  It’s honestly far stupider to me than the Selin plot--the Selin plot is cruel on Serkan’s side and makes me want to wring necks, but the Eda/Deniz bullshit is just so completely nonsensical as to be almost more infuriating.  

I’ve seen a lot of apologizing on Eda’s behalf over this whole thing (she doesn’t owe Serkan anything, he is the one who is in a real relationship etc) but I think trying to examine any of this mess from a “what is the character thinking” angle is an exercise in futility.  The entire plot does not make any sense unless your goal is, when Serkan finally remembers, to have him think Eda has moved on and is better off without him.  Which is, I’m nearly certain, what these writers intended.  Despite Serkan’s last minute change of heart, I’m fairly sure they meant to have him NOT go to her.  So this whole plot is another “keep edser apart” thing which I hate. 

But if we are trying to make it “make sense” then Eda just appears dumb.  After her emotional outbursts in 29 (which are the last time any of her actions made sense) failed to get anything out of Serkan other than panic, her impulsively getting engaged is, I guess, sort of in character.  The problem is then that because these writers are so terrible, every single Eda scene becomes her looking sadly at Serkan (tears may appear, or may not), then actively working to piss him off, then rubbing Deniz in his face and refusing to answer any questions about their life, and then ending it by looking crushed.  If the goal was to get Serkan to fall back in love with her, the Eda we have been given for the past 6 or so episodes bears little resemblance to the woman Serkan fell in love with.  He fell in love with her heart, her creativity, her spontaneity, her love for others, her willingness to stand by and support him and those she cared for, her drive and ambition.  Eda in the last few episodes has been given almost zero chance to display any of these qualities in front of Serkan--what exactly is he supposed to fall back in love with?  A woman who repeats ad nauseum she is over him and doesn’t want him and has a far better love now?  And other than two(?) business related scenes, he’s seen little of her talent or ability, she doesn’t have any room to show her heart (you know, by say helping out Ceren or bonding with Piril or idk ANYTHING) and she certainly isn’t standing by him.  Eda has been reduced to a plot device in her own story to prevent forward story progression, and it’s annoying as hell.  The fact that the episode actually had a scene of her sobbing over missing Serkan and then still somehow maneuvered into not only going through wedding prep, but actively tricked and convinced into going through a whole fucking wedding ceremony for a man who wasn’t even present is frankly one of the more appalling things they’ve done.  The question remains--what exactly was Serkan supposed to fall back in love with?

To touch on what they’ve done to Serkan’s character would take a book, but last night’s episode took it to the extreme.  Eda claimed a few episodes ago to be “falling more in love with him” and it’s like, I’m as equally baffled by her falling more in love as I am with him falling at all in love.  Serkan has been become an asshole--snarky, bitter, annoying and entirely unlikable.  Any moments of softness are immediately replaced by a scene of him being a complete asshat, and it’s hard to remember what I found endearing about butthead Serkan of the earlier episodes.  But he has shown zero signs of actually being in love with Eda--I guess maybe we are supposed to take his pseudo obsession for love, but I found it more fascination or attraction than love.  Every element of their old relationship he found stupid and dumb, and with no opportunity to actually see or get to know the Eda he fell in love with, we are reduced to him suddenly becoming obsessed with her smell and being either jealous or annoyed over Deniz.  He literally got high--all inhibitions down, and still acted mostly giggly and confused, not smitten.  His first response after getting his memories isn’t to immediately run to Eda, it’s too joke with Engin about their youth and then mention that breaking up the wedding would be rude.  

I know I’m probably in the minority, but I hated last night’s episode.  I can’t get joy out of a cute scene that was pretty much just H&K having fun with a script when it has literally not bearing or affect on the plot.  I can’t get enjoyment out of a dress unbuttoning or a shirt buttoning when it has no bearing on the plot.  And when Eda is wearing another man’s ring and standing at the wedding table with another man and wearing a dress for another man and presumably saying evet to another man while Serkan is stubbornly refusing to breakup with a woman he barely tolerates and all their friends (except Ferit) seem to be either stupid or mean (I love Melo but encouraging her to keep up the game was horrible fucking advice, especially when Eda is a sobbing mess), I can’t like it.   Yay, Serkan got his memory back, but this has to be collectively the worst bunch of 7 episodes culminating in what might be the world’s stupidest plot I have ever seen.  I’m sorry, crap is crap, and I’m not gonna call a shit sandwich delicious for a glimpse of the actors having fun.  If I wanted to watch H&K be cute, I’d go watch a bunch of their old lives.  I watch a show for the characters, and until they are back, I just simply don’t care.  

I am a Salt Queen, on a throne built of Bitterness and Pettiness and Bile.  

[nataliedanovelist]

GF - Evolution of Pines

Ford attempts to give Mabel a science lesson.

~~~~~~~~~~

Takes place between Stanchurian Candidate and The Last Mabelcorn…

“BOB! BOB! BOB! BOB!”

Ford paused pouring his coffee when he heard the odd chanting coming from the living room, but then he heard the sounds of the television and he smiled to himself, guessing the kids were watching some program they enjoyed. Deciding he could take a tiny break from going over his old journals, he wandered towards the living room with the hot mug of coffee in his six-fingered hand.

He smiled at the doorway, seeing a young pair of twins share the big armchair, Dipper grinning and shaking his fists excitedly while Mabel knitted a new sweater with her eyes glued to the TV.

“Bob Dry the Science Guy!” The theme song and the kids finished, and the episode began.

“I’m going to take a wild guess and assume you kids are watching Bob Dry the Science Guy?” Ford asked, leaning against the armchair, greeted by an energetic man in a lab-coat.

“Yup!” Dipper answered. “It’s really good! He teaches about magnets, volcanoes, global warming, bugs, all sorts of things! You knew you were gonna have a good day at school when the teachers pulled out the old TV and the theme song plays.”

“He’s so funny!” Mabel laughed as Bob printed a picture of his parents to explain something and it exploded. “My favorite episode is when he talked about the desert and got chased by a camel.”

Ford watched the TV for a second as Bob Dry explained to his audience that when things copy, they slightly change, explaining evolution. He could definitely understand why both children would love the show, but his interest peaked and his smile crashed down when he heard his niece say, “Eh, I don’t buy it.”

Ford turned his head sharply, like a hunting owl, and managed to make a smile through his shock. “Wh-What do you mean, you don’t buy it?”

Dipper snorted and smirked, “Yeah, Mabel doesn’t believe in evolution.”

Ford swore he could hear glass break. “You… You don’t believe in evolution?”

“Not really.” Mabel said with a shrug, still watching the TV just as invested as she was a few moments ago. “I mean… monkeys, Darwin, it’s a nice story, I just think it’s a little too easy.”

“T-T-T-T-Too easy.” Ford repeated, swallowing hard and standing up. “Too easy? Wait, so, the process of every living thing evolving over millions of years from single-celled organisms is too easy?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

Once the shock wore off, Ford was actually quite amused. To him, this was simply a child misunderstanding the knowledge offered to them, like teaching a child that 2+2=4, not 22. He chuckled warming and moved around the chair to be next to Mabel and got on one knee to be closer to her level. “Mabel, evolution is scientific fact. It’s just as real as the air we breathe or gravity or…”

“Oh, don’t even get me started on gravity.”

Ford stared at Mabel, confused and startled and maybe even a bit amazed. “Y-You don’t believe in gravity?”

“Oh, I believe in it, I just… I dunno,” Mabel paused her knitting to better explain her idea to her stranger of an uncle. “Lately I’ve just been feeling pushed down instead of pulled down.”

Ford snorted a laugh, caught it in his throat, coughed into his fist, and took in and out a deep breath. “You know, Mabel, there are times I wish my mind was like what yours is right now, so clean, a blank slate, an empty sponge so ready to soak up new knowledge. It’s truly a wonderful time.”

Mabel gave a timid smile back as he walked away, but something about what he said rubbed the young girl a wrong way. Needless to say, she was too distracted about what he had said to pay much attention to Bob Dry.

~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night, Mabel petted Waddles in bed robotically, still thinking. Dipper came into the room in his shorts and t-shirt and turned off the main light, leaving only his lantern on, and she decided to ask her brother something.

“Hey Dipper, do you think I’m stupid?”

Dipper turned and stared at her. “What? No, of course not. You’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met! No one can think of as many colors and games and escape plans as you can.” He stood next to her bed and asked, “Why? What’s up?”

“Nothing, it’s just…” Mabel bit her lip, hesitant to tell Dipper how she felt. But this was the first time since Ford came home that Dipper had paid her this much attention, so maybe she should seize her opportunity why she could. “When Great-Uncle Ford said those things it made me feel… stupid.”

Dipper had to take a second to remember what Mabel was talking about. “Oh.” And he sat next to her, legs dangling off the edge, to listen to her.

“Y’know, clean, blank slate, empty… I think… I think he thinks I’m dumb, and if the Author of the Journals thinks that…”

“Hey, hey,” Dipper put a hand on her shoulder to stop her. “I’m sure he doesn’t think that. He loves us, we’re great. And even if he does think you’re not very smart, he’s wrong. You’re brilliant! You’re super creative and always thinking outside the box. Who cares if you think a little differently or if you don’t believe in something others do and vise versa. I mean, you believe in gnomes and not a lot of people do.”

Mabel snorted at Dipper’s slightly pathetic try at a joke, but she was still grateful. “Thanks, Dip-Dip.”

“Don’t start unbelieving what you believe in, sis.” Dipper advised, making Mabel laugh, and they both accidentally started singing a cheesy song that always got people hyped.

~~~~~~~~~~

At breakfast, Mabel and Dipper were eating Stancakes with the chef cooking up one more batch for himself. They were joined by Ford, who held a rolled-up poster in his hands, and he grinned at the sight of the only female in the room. “There you are Mabel, I wanted to talk to you.”

Mabel perked up and smiled. “Really?”

“Yes,” He unrolled the poster on the table and her smile dropped when it was about evolution. “I wanted to show you the proof that we scientists have collected over the years that evolution exists…”

“Oh boy what did you do to unleash the beast?” Stan groaned.

“Ford found out Mabel doesn’t believe in evolution.” Dipper answered.

“This should be fun.”

“... so you see, they found these fossils all over the world, stretching back as far as four-hundred million years ago.” Ford explained as this poster showed the fossils and what they looked like in life.

“Uh, wow.” Mabel said, holding her chin in thought. “You can actually see it.”

“Yes! See, you can.” Ford said proudly, glad he could help his niece.

“Now,” Mabel looked away, giving this serious thought. “Who puts those fossils there, and why?”

Dipper snorted into his milk and Stan bit his lip when they saw the look on Ford’s face. “Mabel sweetie, I love you so much.” Stan said as he sat down to have some breakfast.

“M-M-Mabel, Mabel, listen to me.” Ford chuckled nervously as he put a hand on her shoulder. “What about… What about thumbs?” He held up his own and further asked, “We human beings have opposable thumbs, now how did we get those without evolution?”

“Oh!” Mabel gasped and removed her hand from her chin to slam a fist down at the table. “Maybe the overlords needed them to steer their spacecrafts!”

Ford pinched the bridge of his nose. “While they do, evolution…”

“Great-Uncle Ford, can I ask you something?” Mabel said sweetly, with eyes filled with wonder and sparkles.

Ford grinned. “Yes, of course, my dear. Anything you want.”

“Okay, so, wasn’t there a time when the smartest guys in the world thought the Earth was flat?”

“Uh… y-yes…”

“And, up until sixty years ago, everybody thought the atom was the smallest thing ever, until some dudes split it open and this whole bunch of other stuff came out?”

“Um… y-y-yes, I suppose…”

“Okay, so, one last question, Great-Uncle Ford,” Mabel said. “Is there the teeny tiny-est possibility that you and every other scientist could be wrong about evolution?”

Ford was absolutely dumbfounded. He looked at Dipper and Stan for some sort of assistance or reassurance, but they only peered at him, interested in what Ford had to say now. The aged scientist cleared his throat; his niece’s logic certainly added up, and with all of that said, he felt that he was obligated to swallow his pride and croak out slowly, “There is a teeny… tiny… possibility… that I could be wrong, yes.”

Mabel blinked and put her hands over her heart in shock. Ford was ready to apologize if he had accidentally made her feel that he was so strict and by-the-book that he wouldn’t have enough humility to admit he could be wrong, but his jaw dropped when she said, “I can’t believe you caved.”

“Wh-What?”

“You just abandoned your whole belief system…”

“N-N…”

“... I mean, I didn’t agree with you, gut at least I respected you.”

“B-B-But…”

“Oh my gosh, how are you gonna go to another science convention?”

“I…”

“How will you ever set foot in another museum or planetarium again?” Mabel gasped sadly. “How are you going to face the other science guys? H-How are you going to face yourself?” And she puckered her lips innocently at her uncle, feeling sorry for him.

Ford had absolutely no clue what the heck just happened or how to respond. Feeling numb and needing a moment to digest, he slowly rolled up the poster, but rather than carry it in his hand, he cradled it like it was his own first born son, and hurried back down to the basement with as much dignity as he could muster.

“That was fun.” Mabel said casually as she popped another bite of Stancake into her mouth.

[shiro-motoori647]

I know the time I posted is way off. But, I'm gonna just come out and say a bombshell.

You can stop following me if you want to after this, besides. It might be a while before I do normal content again ( Yakuza Franchise Review ) anyways.

I hold the account as an underaged user.

Now, I know you might feel weirded out just saying that ( well no shit, some of the SummoSnaps have an innuendo or 2. I'm very much weirded out myself. )

Ok, let me tell y'all why I decided to hold the Tumblr blog.

Why:

I wanted to do it because, I just wanted to forget about the pandemic.

Now, hear me out. It may sound like a typical excuse. Blaming it all over the pandemic.

The thing is, I just wanted to be away from reality. I couldn't stand the stupidity I've seen since the start of the pandemic ( that's especially the case for the in the U.S ).

Everything got worse and worse the more days it just went by. So I made this Tumblr to cope and remove out of reality, and just focusing on being creative in some ways ( like editing photos is that creative in the first place ).

Though, that didn't mean it helped, in actuality. An outside force made the thing not enjoyable. At the same time I wrote these stories, I had classes. I had to stress my brain, and I had to face a shitty teacher giving me 50 questions on the practice, only for it to be a waste of time. Cause non of them I could find the same or similar to the practice.

So this blog puts me at ease, but. Now it barely affects me positively.

Now, I'm just getting easily irritated, annoyed, angry, and just fucking done with life in general.

I couldn't get a fucking C without the teacher only giving it to me for pity. Not only do I ( and everyone on this point ) have to constantly worry about someone catching the virus. Not only do I have to worry about my depleting sanity. I have to worry about too much.

Now, in your head. You may think "Uhg, what a pansy! If only he stopped bitching and grow some pubes already you prick!"

( Which, if that's the case. More power to you. )

But, let's be for real you may have been worse off in the middle.

Some lost their jobs, some can't cope with online learning, some really miss meeting with friends IRL, some may miss the nature of normalcy into accepting lunacy as a permanent thing.

Some, lost hope in their leaders ( definitely not pointing at the U.S ), some lost someone dear to you because of Covid. Some fell into political bias and that breaks your family up. Some may face discrimination just because they're not Straight.

Well all worry about the worst, we all worry about common things that some people can tell you to "grow a pear". When they shouldn't be talking because they don't know you well enough.

We all suffer in some way, and the pandemic just drilled it to the center of the earth.

For some, it may just be that they returned to the "usuall", others lost their job and are forced to start fresh. Some may have developed mental health issues along the way, and some. Sadly, would rather take their lives away.

I know it's not a unique problem, but it's still a problem I face.

Though, I didn't expect having porn addiction tbh.

‐-----------------------

Fortunately, a game I keep talking about. Has helped me a lot. I honestly felt some joy out of it. It even put my addiction to slow down ( Still happens, but ones a day per say nowadays ). The game truly helped me. Though my friends think the opposite.

Though, now. I'm back to being stressed because my parents won't let me take the vaccine ( Which I'm still mad at them for. Heck, I will never forget how loving my mom is by basically committing suicide by risking myself to go to school physically unvaccinated. )

If you didn't stick to this post that much. It's ok, tbh. I'm not even trying to force change to stick around. You may leave if you want to. I'd honestly give power to you.

And if you think it's just an excuse, I'll let you think that.

( Not even Shiro could help me that much anymore. )

Now if you excuse me. I'm just going to knock myself out.

Night folks!

( Also, of you stock around after this message. You can still follow me of your an 18+ account, I just won't visit your profile. I honestly don't care what type of shit you do on Tumblr. You're welcome to stick around, or leave if you want too. )

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #387

“today i woke up, & i hate myself”

What common problem have you never experienced? The loss of a close family member (that doesn't include pets). Alternatively, what's an uncommon problem you have experienced? Homelessness. Do you know anyone who opposes marriage equality? I sure do. What was the last thing you got really emotional about? Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty premiering. What's the longest amount of time you've been ill for? I don't really know. I don't get sick a lot at all. Who is your closest male friend? Girt. Do you know anyone who hunts for meat? Sadly. I say "sadly" because it's not like they need it. Have you ever lived with a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes, although I wasn't a technical resident. I was there all the time, though. What do you wash dishes with? Sponge, scrub brush, rag, something else? A sponge. Is there anything you prefer to do the old-fashioned way? There's probably something, but I can't think of anything. Do you put your glasses and mugs right side up or upside down on the cabinet shelf? Upside-down. What was the worst part of your childhood? My parents fighting. Have you ever seen a high school relationship last long-term? (like 10+yrs) Yeah. Do you know any cancer survivors? Quite a few. Leftover pizza for breakfast... yay or nay? Good shit, man. Do you personally know anyone who's a psychopath or sociopath? I don't think so. What is your most used kitchen appliance? Lately, it's been the apple slicer. I've been on a real apple slices + peanut butter kick lately. What is something that you would personally like to be remembered for? For being a caring person towards all living things. Have you ever been diagnosed as clinically depressed before? Yes. Do you like bowling? Yeah, it's fun. Do you own binoculars or nonoculars? What do you use them for? No. Do you ever wish you had a telescope on the roof or attic to stargaze? Yeah, that'd be cool. Have you ever had to deal with someone close to you going off to war? No, thankfully. Who do you feel you have the most in common with? Sara, easily. Who in your life causes you the most stress or negative feelings? My damn self lmao. Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? No. My parents didn't grow up in NC. What’s one thing that people definitely CAN’T count on you for? To remember like... anything. What about something they definitely can count on you for? Someone to listen to encourage them. What’s one food that you want to try but haven’t yet? I've always thought macaroons look good. Do you have anything planned for the summer? No. Do you walk fast or slow? Slow. Would you consider yourself an adrenaline junkie? No. What is a common slang word from where you live? Plural "you" does not exist. It's "y'all," lol. What’s the scariest thing you’ve accidentally found on the internet? *shrug* Probably something as a kid, going on those sketchy websites with loads of games and stuff. Thinking of every Halloween costume you’ve had, which one was the most creative? I don't think I've had any creative costumes for Halloween. What’s one random city you want to visit? It's not exactly "random" as it's a popular location, but anyway, I would love to visit Venice. What subjects do you or did you get the worst grades in? Math. When was the last time you ate cake and what type of cake was it? That's a good question, actually. Maybe my niece's birthday in February? I don't remember what kind of cake it was. Do you have photos to go with all of the contacts in your phone? No; I don't have any. Do you like snowy winter days or do you prefer rainy days? SNOWY! Name 3 things you find most beautiful in nature: Mountains, large waterfalls, and desert dunes in the wind. If you could ask one person one questions and get a completely honest answer who would it be and what would you ask? Jason. I'd ask if he thought I was emotionally abusive. What is your favorite winter activity? Building snowmen. Who is the greatest singer who is no longer living? Freddie Mercury. What is your idea of heaven? I don't know, really... I have to ask myself IS there a heaven in eternity? Living forever just... doesn't appeal to me. "Living" is an odd word to use there, but hopefully you get it. Existing on and on and on and on seems like it'd just be a drag, but at the same time I do like the thought of feeling relentlessly happy and peaceful with my loved ones. I guess that would be my definition of it, if it does exist. What’s one of the scariest things you’ve ever done? ODed. Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through? Just once, on my 16th birthday because I was at Jason's place and all of his family was watching it. I had absolutely zero interest, but we wanted to hang with the family. If you had to move to another country, where would you move? Canada. Do you watch American Horror Story? I haven't in years. It was Jason's and my first "show," and the first season was excellent. I lost interest in the second one, honestly. I'd be up for watching other seasons, though. How many relationships have you been in this year? None. What's your favorite cereal? Probably Cinnamon Toast Crunch. That's also the only cereal where I can happily drink the milk afterwards. Twitter or Facebook? Facebook. Do you like to paint your nails? No. What's the coolest place you've ever been to? Disney World, probably. Have you ever punched anyone? No. What's something you wish you knew how to do? Cook. :/ I really need to make an effort to learn. It'd be great to not rely on a microwave for the rest of my life. What's a celebrity that everyone likes but you don't? *shrug* What food do you eat the most? Probably bread in some form or another. That really needs to stop. Green or purple grapes? Either one, but they have to be firm. I cannooooooot with soft grapes. Have you ever cried over a text? Yeah. What's the background of your phone of? My lock screen is this pretty, simplistic periwinkle color with "work on you for you" written on it. It's one I plan on keeping for probably a long time because I connect to it so deeply with my stupid damn head frequently demanding I have to improve "for Jason" to prove him wrong. Which is a very unhealthy mindset to have, I know. My home screen is a cute lil Mark edit someone made with a very similar pale blue background, so my phone is just currently an #aesthetic. Do you have a Snapchat? No. What's your favorite sports team? (if you like sports)? I don't like sports, but I'm biased towards the Carolina Hurricanes hockey team because of my dad. Last thing you ate? I had Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast. Do you take a lot of selfies? Definitely not. I just hate how I look so much; it takes way too much effort for me to get an "acceptable" one. Do you prefer strawberries or cherries? Strawberries. I hate cherries. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Maybe like, three. -_- Our A/C is still out, and it was like, 87 in the house last night. It was impossible to sleep. Do you listen to music daily? Not EVERY day, but usually. Biggest insecurity? My weight. Do you play video games? Not as much as I used to. I'd probably play way more if I actually had a PS4 + the games I'm DYING to have. Do you consider yourself lazy? "Yes, but a lot of it is also health related for my lack of energy and motivation." <<<< This for me as well. What recently made you laugh? I was watching a bit of The Nanny with Mom yesterday. We love that show. Do you like gummy bears? Yep. What was the last song you listened to? I'm randomly hooked on "My Nocturnal Serenade" by YOHIO. Like, I've known the song for a long time, but NOW I'm bingeing it???? Describe your mom with one word. Selfless. What's the biggest turn-off? Probably being misogynistic. But being a cocky ass is definitely high up there, too. What fish scares you the most? Mfkng whale sharks terrify me. How do you feel about snails? They're cuties!!! What's your favorite app? Pokemon GO. Would you rather time travel into the past or future? The future, to see what's coming. I feel like you could come back with some pretty valuable information. What is the saddest song you've ever heard? I think "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade has to come on top. What insect do you hate the most? I was reminded that stag beetles exist last night, and omfg those. Well, "hate" is the wrong word, really, I'm just terrified of them. Would you ever have a wild animal as a pet if possible? I 110% want to rescue an opossum, emphasis on "rescue." I'm not plucking one from the wild or anything like that. I would be in HEAVEN raising one of those angels. Are there any decorations that makes you happy? (lights, candles, plants..) I love those beds decorated with fairy lights, and just Christmas lights in general. Halloween and Christmas decor tend to give me sparks of happiness when I see 'em. Does race matter to you when it comes to dating? Not at all for me. When was the last time you painted something? Not since I was still in school and took a Painting course. When was the last time you really felt alive, and what were you doing? I have NO idea. What is one question you would like an answer to? Why the worst things tend to happen to good people. Name one favorite thing to do with kids while babysitting. I don't babysit, but if I was to be in charge of a kid, I'd love to teach them to play video games from my childhood. Playing Pokemon with my niece and nephew is always a blast, ahhhh. Name one flavor you like. Strawberry is pretty consistent. Name one thing you are hoping for. Venus' new terrarium soon... big sigh. I can't for the life of me find one that's a reasonable price and also adequately sized. I'm willing to put the rest of my cash into it, but Mom is helping, so I can't just buy the first one I see. Then I'd need more substrate, I seriously want a temperature gun and hygrometer, a cool hide, sticks and stuff for cover... It's going to be expensive, but I want Venus to have a truly proper environment she can thrive in. Write the name of one of your imaginary friends from when you were younger. Oddly enough, I can't remember the imaginary wolf that was my "friend." I say "oddly" because his whole idea was important to me as a weird-ass kid. Name one girl's name that starts with a "J" that you like. "Justine." Name one boy's name that starts with a "J" that you like. Maybe "Jaxson." Have you ever been kissed? Yeah. Have you ever feared that you would be killed? It's never been like, a fear I actively worry about. I just acknowledge it's always a possibility for anyone. What is the last great opportunity you missed? This was quite a while ago by now, but I'd say by dropping out of school, I really let photography opportunities slip since I became the newspaper photographer...

[alison-anonymous]

flawsome bandits pt. 2 ♡ sonic

Flawsome Bar Fights 

Welcome to part 2! Updates may be a little irregular as we progress back into the school year, but I assure you lovelies that I am hard at work on the next chapter! So for now, enjoy and let me know what you think!

Warnings - implication of sexual harrassment, LOTS OF FLUFF 

♡♡♡

“Alright, if this is going to be a thing, there are going to be rules,” Tom began, attempting to keep his eyes on the road. 

“You seem really familiar,” Y/n hummed thoughtfully, looking Sonic over once again and completely ignoring her father. Sonic’s green eyes grew concentrated as he looked the young girl over again for the hundredth time since he met her.

“You too! I feel like I know you from somewhere.” He tapped his chin quizzically as the two stared long and hard at each other. 

“Will you two please pay attention? Good lord!” Tom cried. “If this is going to work, you will need to listen to me and do whatever I say one hundred percent of the time. Got it?”

“Whatever you say, Donut Lord!” Sonic smiled, eyes ablaze with excitement. Unfortunately, the cute nickname only pissed Tom off as he took his eyes off of the road to yell at the hedgehog.

“Would you stop with the ‘Donut Lord’? I have a name. It’s Tom, and that’s Y/n.” He motioned to the girl sitting behind them. She rummaged through the console and pulled out a pair of sunglasses.

“He already knows my name,” she laughed, earning a smile from Sonic. 

“Well, my name is Sonic!”

“Sonic,” Tom nodded thoughtfully. “So you’ve been spying on my family for years, or specifically spying on my daughter?” He was slipping into overprotective father mode very fast. Y/n was about to stick up for the little hedgehog when he beat her to it.

“I mean, I wouldn’t have called it stalking. We were all just hanging out only no one ever knew I was there! Like when Y/n was driving your old motorcycle and she smashed into a tree!” He sighed dreamily, leaning back against the seat. “Fun times!”

“What? You told me a semi hit it!” Tom cried out in horror, trying to keep his main tunnel of vision on the road while restricting himself from smacking his kid upside the head. Y/n chuckled sheepishly and slowly lowered herself to hide behind the driver’s seat. 

“I mean, I’m more so surprised that Crazy Carl was right all along,” she mumbled. Sonic nodded.

“You should call him Super Observant Carl instead.” At that, Y/n burst out laughing. It was an adorably creative name, and from all of her time spent hanging out with Crazy Carl and helping him set up his traps when none of the kids at school wanted to hang out with her, it didn’t take too long to notice that he did have a system. 

“You’re funny,” she giggled, sliding the sunglasses back up onto her forehead to reveal her humorous e/c eyes. Sonic’s emerald-like orbs lit up like fireworks as a huge, dopey grin spread across his face.

“Really? You think I’m funny?” He asked hopefully, practically throwing himself on top of the console to be closer to her. Spending most of his time alone, Sonic was only ever used to getting compliments from himself. So the fact that someone thought he was funny, better yet a beautiful girl, sent him to cloud nine. 

“Hey, HEY,” Tom scolded, pointing a finger at the blue hedgehog. “That’s still my daughter, buddy.” 

“Dad, leave him alone,” Y/n sighed, poking his arm gently. How much sense would that make? A human and a hedgehog? Then again, she did have no origin story, no idea who or what she truly was. How was she supposed to know that she had been a human her whole life when she could barely remember who her real parents were? 

“Oh my god, stop the car right now!” Sonic exclaimed, popping his head out the side window, the big grin still plastered on his face. He read off the gigantic touristing billboard sign as Tom drove past it. “The World’s Largest Rubber Band Ball, we’ve got to see it!” 

“People really need to find some hobbies,” Y/n sighed, rolling down her window too so she could imitate a dog. 

“No, this is not some fun family road trip-” Tom snapped, his sanity slipping out of his fingertips with every passing second. “The government wants to dissect you, arrest me, and possibly put Y/n in the mental institute. This is serious!” Sonic exchanged a bored expression with Y/n and in a flash, he was out the window. Before Tom even had a second to flip out, he was right back in the seat with three souvenir rubber band balls, a paddleboard, and a baseball cap. 

“Eh, you’re right, it was lame. Gift shop was cool though! I got you a mousepad!” He held up a little white mouse pad reading ‘I love rubber bands.’ “And don’t think I forgot about you!” He winked at Y/n before handing her a surprisingly adorable bracelet made out of what looked like fragments of rubber bands. She couldn’t stop the heat that began rising to her cheeks as she slipped it onto her wrist, still trying to get over the amazement that he was thinking about them. “When are we going to get there?” Sonic smiled, pulling out the paddle board and hitting the ball repetitively as Y/n watched his precision in amazement. 

“We will get there when we get there,” Tom sighed in frustration. A moment of silence fell over the three as they watched the scenery pass by. Y/n glanced between her father and the eccentric hedgehog and finally decided that if this little creature was going to be hanging out with them, then the least she could do is try to get to know him better.

“Hey Sonic, want to play a game?”

“Is that even a question? Of course!” In a split second, he was sitting next to her in the backseat, leaning towards her excitedly. Little did she know that he was fanboying internally just over the fact that she had talked to him in the first place. This was his dream come true! Getting to spend some one on one time with the Star Chaser! She was so beautiful up close.

“Okay, which game do you want to play? There’s Truth or Dare, 20 Questions, Would You Rather, I Spy, How Well Do You Know Me, and Russian Roulette but we don’t have any guns,” she sighed in disappointment. Sonic’s eyes practically had stars in them as he grinned wider.

“Let’s play all of them!” Tom groaned in the driver’s seat.

This was going to be a long ride.

♡♡♡

It was night when Tom finally pulled the truck in to a gas station, Sonic and Y/n still deeply indulged in a game of Truth or Dare. 

“I don’t know, I still think that I’d be faster than the Flash. I was born with my powers, so I’ve had a lot more time to get used to them whereas his happened from an accident in his lab,” Sonic explained, flipping her sunglasses back up behind his ears. The two had gotten comfortable after the first two hours of games and had established what they deemed to be the most comfortable position: Y/n sat against the left side of the backseat and had her legs stretched across the seats while Sonic sat on top of her legs, using her shoes as a cushion. It was amazing how four hours of playing games with someone could bring them closer together. Over the course of the car trip, the two had been through every topic from their favorite television show to what the best way to get away from the cops would be to what they would name a hamster if they ever got one. 

“Fair point,” Y/n nodded. “Respect.” 

Tom put the truck in park and stepped out of the vehicle, causing the internal lights to turn on. The two sat up in anticipation, wondering if they were finally going to be able to stretch out their legs. Tom walked around the truck and stopped at the open window above Sonic’s head, leaning against it slightly.

“Alright, I’m going to go in and check on Wade. See if he knows what’s going on.”

“You’re going to see Wade in that glass thing?” Sonic asked, peering out the window over at the payphone. “What is it, a teleportation device?”

“It’s a payphone, Son,” Y/n gently explained. “I had no clue what it was either when I first saw one.” Tom glanced behind him at the device and sighed.

“It’s mostly for drug dealers and fugitives, which is us. Now stay in the car, I don’t want anyone to see him. Y/n, make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.” And with that, he walked off. Sonic groaned in boredom and leaned his head against the door once more.

“This is so boring! Is your dad always this high strung?” He asked, the poor lighting casting shadows across his fur. Y/n breathed in deep through her nose and watched as her dad stepped inside the phone booth.

“Not unless we’re in trouble, which we are right now. But he means well. When I was first found and brought to him and my mom as a foster kid, they were super patient even though I was a teenager with no clue how the world worked.” She explained, running a hand through her hair and placing Sonic’s baseball cap back on her head. He furrowed his brows in concentration.

“Wait, so let me get this straight - you were found wandering around in the woods and you have no memories of who you were or what you were up until that day?” She nodded sadly, and shrugged. His ears fell back against his head a little in sadness. “I’m sorry… Well, hey, how about we make a deal? I’ll help you try to figure out your backstory if…” He got a sheepish look on his face as he suddenly broke eye contact. “...You become my friend.”

Y/n’s eyes shot open in surprise. “Sonic,” she laughed softly, her gaze softening. “You’re already my friend.”

At her words, the largest grin she had ever seen found its way onto Sonic’s face as he lurched forward and tackled her in a hug. Laughing, she reciprocated the hug by wrapping her arms around his torso but making sure to beware of the quills. 

“Thank you,” she heard him mutter soft enough that if she had been breathing any louder she wouldn’t have heard it. In response, she squeezed him a little tighter. Even though it was a little strange to be hugging a talking hedgehog, it felt familiar once again. Everything about this moment seemed familiar, like she had lived through it a thousand times before. Little did she know that the same thing was happening for Sonic too. As they pulled away, mouths both opening to say something about it, they were interrupted by the sounds of beer pong and Harley engines. The duo froze, eyes already beginning to fill with comical stars as they turned towards Y/n’s open window.

Sure enough, there was what looked like a raging party going on at the club next door. Bikers littered the front, the engines of their motorcycles spewing out licks of fire. Cheers and hollers could already be heard from the open door to the bar as people filed in and out in a constant motion. It was the coolest thing that either of them had ever seen.

“Oh my god,” Sonic breathed.

“Okay, okay, so that may just be the coolest thing that we’re ever going to see,” Y/n admitted nervously. “But we have orders. I have orders. From my dad. Who is also a cop. We have to stay in the car.” 

“Right…” Sonic slowly raised his head above the door until just his eyes were peering through the window at the scene before them. It wasn’t long before Y/n followed in suit. They exchanged a nervous glance before looking back at the bar. 

...Damnit.

♡♡♡

“Shit,” Tom swore as he stood before the empty truck. Of course this is what he got for leaving his very responsible teenage daughter with a train wreck of a hedgehog (whom he was starting to worry was developing… feelings for his daughter). He set down the drink carrier of food and beverages he had got and looked around the parking lot for any sign of the Bonnie and Cylde duo. Finally, his eyes rested on the bar next door. Bingo.

Losing most of his dignity as he walked through the door, Tom’s eyes scanned the room for the two kids until they finally found a strange couple sitting alone at a high top table. One was a girl wearing a cowgirl hat and a bandana around her neck while the other was significantly shorter than her with a hat, shades, and a bright red shirt that appeared to be three sizes too large. He frowned the entire way to the table, enjoying the panicked look on his daughter’s face as she saw him coming towards them and frantically tapped the hedgehog sitting next to her. He swiveled around in his seat and gave Tom the most innocent look he could handle.

“Well, howdy there, partner!” 

“I’m not your partner. We’re leaving, come on,” Tom motioned his head towards the door, but Sonic had other ideas.

“But there’s a ZZ Top Cover band, c’mon, you’ve got to see their beards!” He exclaims. “And we even came up with the perfect disguises and backstories so we could get in without showing ID.” He held out his gloved fist and Y/n didn’t miss the chance to bump it, leaning cooly against the counter. Tom rolled his eyes.

“Good to know you’re taking this seriously. We’ll catch them some other time. Now, let’s. Go.” His tone was sharp, daring them to object. Luckily, that was what Sonic was best at.

              "I promise that if you let us stay that I'll stay quiet for the whole trip! Starting now!" He clamped his mouth shut, proving his promise to be true. Tom glanced over at his daughter skeptically, and she sent him a reassuring smile just as a waitress wandered over to their table.

“Welcome to the Piston Pitt,” she mused, sporting a traditional cowgirl from the West outfit. “What can I get you fellas?” Sonic leaned towards her excitedly, pressing his hands on the table to prevent him from falling off the stool he was sitting on.

“Ooh! I want nachos and buffalo wings and guac! Lots of guac! Isn’t that a funny word?” He then began quacking like a duck, making Y/n chuckle next to him. The waitress furrowed her brows skeptically at the behavior, trying to figure out just what exactly she was looking at here. 

“Umm, kids aren’t allowed in here,” she told Tom accusingly, eyeing Sonic up and down. “Is he wearing a mask or something?” Tom opened his mouth, about to defend him when Y/n quickly beat him to it, wrapping her arm protectively around the blue hedgehog in disguise. 

“Excuse me, but that’s my husband you’re talking to,” she snapped, watching as Tom’s eyes practically exploded with shock. THIS was their excuse? “And he has a height condition, mind you! A skin one, too. It’s very tragic really, stunted his growth. Isn’t that right, sweetie?” Tom’s overprotective father rage came back full force as he watched his daughter look down at Sonic with a lovestruck look on her face that could have won an Oscar. How the hell could they think that anyone would believe an excuse like that? He watched with flames in his eyes as Sonic gave the girl a heartwarming smile and rested his gloved hand on top of hers, using the fakest country accent that Tom had ever heard.

“That’s right, darlin’. The face I was born with, the confidence I picked up along the way.” Shockingly, the waitress was dumb enough to believe it, nodding her head softly and smiling at the “couple.” 

“They’ll have two Mello Yellos,” Tom sighed, watching as the waitress walked briskly away. He finally turned back to the two just as they hesitantly brought their arms back to their own bodies. Y/n’s heart raced excitedly in her chest as she glanced at her friend out of the corner of her eye, her head getting slightly confused from all of the emotions she was experiencing. Sonic’s stomach was full of butterflies as he cleared his throat, trying to distract himself from thinking too much about everything going on. 

“You two are insane,” Tom tossed off his cap and sat down across from them. “You owe me one.” 

“Thanks, Dad,” Y/n smiled sincerely, her e/c eyes gleaming at him from across the table. She knew that he was having a difficult time with the situation as a whole, and while she was doing her best to lighten the mood on things, no one could deny that the danger was ever present. He was just trying to keep them safe. Tom gave her a smile in return. No matter how much they quarreled and disagreed, she was still his daughter. Maybe not biologically, but they were one of the lucky ones to have accomplished that bond.

“I have never sat on a bar stool before,” Sonic gushed. “Look, it even spins!” He spun around in the chair so fast that his sunglasses were thrown off, landing on a pile of crushed peanut shells by some bikers. 

“Having fun?” Tom asked sarcastically. “Check this off the bucket list, right Y/n?” The girl in question pursed her lips, tilting her head to the side in thought.

“Actually, inline skating behind a car went before watching a bunch of bikers search for stray peanuts in their beards, but who’s counting?” She shrugged. Sonic stared at her with wide eyes, amazed at the pure awesomeness of this girl.

“Wait, what’s a bucket list?” He asked. 

“A bucket list is, uh, it’s a list of things that you want to do in your life before you, well, you know, kick the bucket.” Tom explained, scratching the back of his neck in an avoidance to say the word ‘die.’ Sonic’s bright green eyes lit up like a Christmas Tree at the idea of it. He was learning something new every minute he spent with these two.

“I’ve never kicked a bucket before, either! I have to make my list! N/n, you got a pen?” Sonic asked, swiping a notepad from one of the bartenders and returning back to the table just as Y/n pulled out a random LED light pen she didn’t even realize was stuck in her boot. The two humans watched as the hedgehog scribbled down line after line of things he wanted to do, giggling to himself along the way. The sight of it brought a soft smile to Y/n’s lips as she watched him write away. Never before had she had so much fun with someone, enjoyed being in someone’s company for so long. She had never really had a true friend before. Until now. 

“Hey,” she gently touched his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

Suddenly, Sonic stopped writing. Y/n’s pen slowly lifted off of the paper as his expression began to fall, his green eyes that were once full of joy and excitement were now filling with sadness. Y/n felt her heart instantly drop, already feeling the desire to get that smile back on his face no matter what the cost.

“There’s so much stuff I’ve never done,” Sonic responded, sitting up straight. “And now that I’m leaving earth forever, I guess that I missed my chance…” 

Y/n’s heart sank. In the big rush of things, she had completely forgotten that the whole point of this road trip was to find Sonic’s rings so he could leave the planet. No matter what the connection they had (even if it was just nostalgia), he wasn’t staying. He had to go… 

Tom noticed his daughter’s expression fall as soon as the words left his mouth. He sighed deeply, glancing between the two of them. They were good kids, trying to keep things light hearted through the duration of this trip. And if Sonic wasn’t going to be on this planet for much longer, then the least that Tom could do was help him make those moments count. 

“Well, I guess this is the kind of place where you can get a lot of living done,” he spoke, looking around the room. Sonic and Y/n looked up at him. “I suppose we could spare an hour.”

The two exchanged excited grins and turned back to the adult. “Really? You’re going to bucket list with me?” Sonic asked. Tom shrugged, smiling.

“Sure, why not?”

“You will not regret this!” Sonic promised. Y/n laughed, grabbing the list and reading over the first couple of lines. 

“I’m pretty sure we will,” Tom sighed. 

♡♡♡

In forty minutes, the three were able to knock out almost half of the things on Sonic’s bucket list. They started with country line dancing, which Y/n was shockingly good at (and made the two boys stop and stare in shock because they didn’t even know that she knew how to dance). Then they played darts and successfully managed to pop open ten cans of beer in less than two seconds. The bar even had a metal basketball hoop, so in order to complete a slam dunk, Y/n threw Sonic up onto the rim where he kicked the chain so many times that he established a new high score. And what kind of country-themed bar would the Pistol Pitt be if they didn’t have an electronic bull? 

“Shit, shit, shit,” Y/n shrieked, clinging onto Sonic as he held on to what she assumed to be the withers of the bull. It bucked them around in circles, making Tom laugh from his point of view as the two struggled to hold on.

“Is this bull headless or does it have two butts?” Sonic asked. 

“It’s best not to think about it.” Y/n laughed just as the bull’s tail hit her in the ribs. “Ow! Okay, that was rude!” She snarled as Sonic burst out laughing. About two minutes later, the duo got flung off of said bull by Tom and Y/n flopped around on the blowup floor. 

“Seriously?” She groaned, placing her hands on her stomach. Tom chuckled next to her. After a couple more minutes had passed and Sonic managed to make some lady throw her drink in Tom’s face, the three sat back down at the high top to catch their breath. 

“Nice work, Romeo,” Sonic laughed, wiping a tear out of his eye. Tom faked a laugh too, wiping off the rest of the alcohol from his face.

“Ha ha, having a good time?”

“Of course I’m having a good time,” Sonic cheered. “I mean, what could go wrong?” Something moving behind them caught Y/n off guard, and the moment she tilted her head to look she regretted it. 

“U-um, Dad…” She whispered, staring with wide eyes as three very pissed off looking men approached them. Sonic spun around on his bar stool to face the friendly gentleman and plastered on a smile. 

“Can we help you gentlemen?” Tom asked politely, but keeping a wary eye on the men. One of them was taking a very sudden interest in Y/n, so Sonic carefully nudged himself closer to her, just in case. The man in the middle with the surly face looked Tom up and down.

“We don’t like your kind around here.”

“And what kind would that be?” Y/n asked in confusion, leaning back slightly on the table in an attempt to rid herself of the putrid smell of cigarette smoke that came from their clothes. The guy looked down at her and Sonic, using the fact that he was standing to his advantage and gritting his teeth.

“Hipsters.”

Y/n had been expecting a worse insult, so she just shrugged, but Sonic took it as a severe offense. 

“How dare you?” He muttered heatedly. Tom quickly held up his hands in surrender, sensing the high levels of danger starting to appear. 

“Now, now, we were just leaving,” he began, but Sonic was quick to interrupt him, wagging one gloved finger. Y/n slowly shook her head at the hedgehog, trying desperately to send him cues to back down. The last thing they needed was a bar fight to top off the wanted signs that were probably being posted right now. Y/n watched in fear as Sonic gave them a “pop quiz” which she assumed was some great one-liner from a movie, and then knocked the guy on the head with one of Tom’s empty beer bottles. Unfortunately, it didn’t break. 

“Darn,” Sonic muttered, flipping the bottle around in his hand. “That was supposed to work.” 

“Son,” Y/n began to slowly rise from her chair, tugging on a stray lock of her hair nervously. “I think we should go…” Her friend, however, refused to give up as he continued to knock the burly man on the head with the bottle, not quite hard enough to break it. She watched with fearful eyes as the man’s face slowly contorted into one of anger. Tom quickly made his way over to Sonic just as the man pulled back his fist and went in for the punch. Sonic was quick to duck, unfortunately leaving Tom to take a full blown fist to his face. 

“Dad!” Y/n’s hands flew up to her mouth as she watched her dad stumble back.

“I’m good, kid,” He reassured her. Then the best part of the brawl flung into action. People got bumped into other people, in turn pissing them off and causing them to find their fists a much better source of anger management than their manners. Sonic, overjoyed that he was now living through yet another thing on his bucket list, took a myriad of super punches at the man who punched Tom in the face, which only pissed him off more. Even Y/n, who had been a bit scared at first, was testing out her abilities by dodging the pedophiles littering the area and taking out some people that she couldn’t tell their gender. She was doing amazing up until the point where some very drunk, very scary-looking man with a teardrop tattoo under his eye and a mangled head of dreadlocks pinned her against the wall. 

“Hey there, pretty lady,” the man chuckled. Y/n squirmed under his grasp, scrunching up her nose from the putrid stench of alcohol coming from the man’s mouth. Her heart began to race from the adrenaline filling her veins as her e/c orbs looked into the man’s black ones, void of any emotion. She refused to answer, desperately trying to wrangle herself free from his grasp, but he was much bigger than her and ultimately overpowered her. Y/n frantically looked around the bar for help, but Tom was busy trying to avoid getting hit in the face and Sonic was nowhere to be seen. 

“L-let go of me,” she rasped, her limbs beginning to grow weak from the fighting. Then the fear began to set in.

People began slamming into one another, beer came crashing down from the sky, men got yanked up to the ceiling with elaborate wedgies, and bikers wearing bear heads crashed into the floor. Y/n and Tom smashed back into time in shock, shaking their heads a little and looking around at the chaotic room in shock. Everyone else was lying on the floor with some sort of injury. 

Meanwhile, Sonic had just finished helping rescue Tom while he was running through the air in his own slowed down time slot. He pushed the man up to the bar and turned around to see what else there was he could mess with until his eyes landed on Y/n. She was pressed up against the wall by a very disgusting and uncouth man, a look of pure terror written on her face. His expression became overcome with worry as he raced over to her. The blue hedgehog practically threw the man off of her in a fit of what he assumed was rage (but quite honestly felt like jealousy) and grabbed a pitcher full of beer, positioning it just so so that once time came back to full speed that it would spill all over his head. He turned back to Y/n and pulled her by her hands all the way to the bar where a frozen Tom was still standing. After he had assured that his two favorite humans were safe, he screwed around with some other people a bit before zipping back to Y/n just as time fell back into motion. 

“W-what just happened?” Y/n asked, wondering how she had gotten out from underneath that guy so fast. Sonic grabbed ahold of her hands once again and looked at her with concerned eyes.

“Are you okay? That guy was being such a jerk!”

“Y-you did this?” Tom asked in surprise. Sonic nodded rapidly, but his focus was still on Y/n. She slowly nodded, dumbfounded. What the heck had just happened? Did Sonic save her? She looked back down at the hedgehog that was still holding her hands. He did save her, didn’t he? Wow… the only guy that had ever saved her before was her dad, and that was when she was in danger of getting sued for crashing into someone’s chicken coop. He cared enough to save her. He didn’t have to do that, I mean, he barely knew her! But there was something about him… the way that he vibed with her, his excitement and ability to make any situation a fun one to be in. He made her smile and laugh. He made her feel like she actually belonged somewhere.

A small butterfly lifted up from its perch and began to flutter around in her stomach.

“So, should we get out of here?” Sonic asked, looking over at Tom for confirmation. The man in question nodded quickly, already picturing the amount of trouble they could get in.

“Yep, time to go.”

♡ a.a.

[strangerthingsharrington]

Can’t Fight This Feeling

-2-

I was waiting patiently in my room for the excitement that I was expecting to hear from my brother once his friends announced themselves.

Over my music, I could hear some of Dustins toys making noise and I realized that they must have set some up in the living room to draw him out.

Probably Will’s idea, he was always the really creative one of the group.

I heard the excited shouts and party horns, then I heard Dust scream then I heard another scream. Then I heard the ‘Are you okay?’ cries.

I hopped off my bed and went out to the living room quickly before seeing Dustin hugging Mike.

“What happened?” I asked.

Dustin looked back at me, “Huuh, they came to surprise me but then they scared me because the toys were going off and I might have sprayed Lucas in the face with hairspray.”

I looked at him wide eyed and he looked right back at me with the same look.

“Hairspray, really?”

“I was trying to protect myself!”

“But with your hairspray? What were you trying to do? Style his eyelashes?”

“Well it wouldn’t have hurt to have them styled!”

I sent him another bewildered look before moving to the kitchen where Max was shoving Lucas’ head back under the water harshly.

“Now, Max,” I started, getting her attention, “you don’t wanna spend your youth in jail so I wouldn’t recommend murder.”

She smiled at me before letting go of her boyfriend, “Well, Lou, what would you do if your boyfriend asked if you had a new zit on your face?”

I looked over at Lucas who had a small embarrassed smile on his face. I tilted my head and grimaced, “Was the water scalding? Because the water should be scalding for that one.

“I agree,” Max said cheerily reaching for the tap of the faucet.

“No! No!” Lucas said, putting his hands over Max’s, who by this time was laughing.

“I’m sorry!” Lucas said with a smile on his face.

“Fine,” she said simply, letting her arms fall back to her sides, “say it again and it will be scalding next,” she said sternly.

He raised his hands in surrender, “Understood.”

“Your eyes good though, for real?” I asked him, walking over.

He nodded and blinked harshly a few times, before wiping away some of the lingering water.

“Yeah, stinging is pretty much gone.”

I snorted and patted his shoulder, “Good, now get back to Dustin, he missed you guys,” I told the two of them.

They nodded before walking around me and back to the living room.

I made my way back through the living room past the group of kids who then greeted me since there wasn’t a chance to before, even Elle who was seemingly, hopefully, coming out of her shell a bit more. She was still clinging onto Mike but it was cute. Young love.

I walked back to my room and absentmindly grabbed a magazine and sat on my bed and flipped through the pages lazily.

My mom eventually came in to my room to see if Dustin and the rest of the party were with me. I told her no and that they probably went with Dustin to set up his radio.

“But I made the dinner he wanted!” she said sadly.

I bit my lip to stop the smile, “I think his words were ‘whatever you want, ma.’”

She pointed her wooden spoon at me before she smiled lightly at me,”Well I guess it’s just a girls night in, do you wanna invite Robin to come over?”

I shook my head thinking about my best friend, “She’s working at Scoops today till nine when the mall closes.”

She nodded, “Well...come on, dinners ready,” she said before disappearing from my doorway.

I sighed and tossed the magazine onto my bed before I got up and followed my mom out, I looked through the window in the kitchen that faced the backyard. Dustins bike was gone from where it had been the last month so I definitely knew he had gone to set up his radio with the party.

After dinner I helped my mom with the dishes before going back to my room. It was getting later and Dustin still hadn’t come back.

I was trying not to be overly concerned. He was at one of two places. Either at the top of the hill talking to Suzie or at Mike’s playing a round of D&D. If they were playing a campaign he usually didn’t show back up at home till later.

After Will’s disappearance almost two years prior mom and I tried to place some more restrictions onto Dustin. But to know Dustin is to know that he’s a bit stubborn. During Will’s disappearance we couldn’t find him for the longest time one night, only to get a call from Mrs. Wheeler saying that Dustin was at their place and the cops and FBI were there. He was grounded for a bit and wasn’t let out of her sight for a little while after that.

Things eventually settled down and life seemed to go back to the same old routine. Even after the truth came out about Barbs disappearance and what was going on at Hawkins lab with their experiments and coverups, mom eventually lightened up and let Dustin get back to his kid business. I didnt necessarily agree with that but that’s just me personally. I just didn’t have a good feeling about letting him wander alone after everything that went on the last almost two years.

I sighed and tossed my magazine over to my desk that was a few feet from me. I got off my bed and kneeled down to look under my bed for the walkie talkie that Dustin made me keep with me, ‘Just in case!’ he would tell me.

I pushed aside some shoes before finally laying my eyes on it, I grabbed it and pulled it out, I stood up and turned it on, making sure it was on the station he set aside just for me. I sat on the edge on my bed with the stupid thing in my hand crackling at me. My leg was bouncing. I checked my bedside table and saw that my alarm clock said it was 8:30pm.

Not that my mom wouldn’t care if i went to her mentioning that Dustin hasn’t been home in hours, but she’d probably tell me to leave him be, that he was finally back from camp and hanging out with his friends.

I pursed my lips and ran my finger through my hair, getting rid of the few knots that were there because of the curls.

I stood up and grabbed my bag. Maybe just a quick drive over to the Wheelers to clear my mind on his location. If he wasn’t there I would check the hill in case he was still there for some reason.

I was just reaching my bedroom door when I heard his voice break through the cracking static.

“Lou, it’s Dustin, do. You. Copy?? Over!”

I held the walkie talkie up to my mouth, “Dustin? Are you okay?”

Silence for a moment before his exasperated voice came back over the airwaves, “Lou,” he complained, “you HAVE to say over or else i dont know when to talk! Over!”

I rolled my eyes my worried feelings became replaced by irritation over his common sass, “Oh my God, are you okay? Over!”

He cleared his throat on the other end, “Yeah, just that everyone left me on the hill and it’s dark out so I don’t wanna ride my bike home...could you come and pick me up? Over.”

I sighed, “Are you still on the hill? Over.”

“Yeah. Over.”

“And you’ve been there for hours by yourself? Over.”

“Yeah. Over.”

“Wow, what an exciting way to officially start your summer. Over.”

He scoffed at me, “Just shut up and get over here. Over and out.”

I snorted and tossed the walkie talkie into my bag before going to the living room where mom was sitting with Tews in her lap watching TV. I grabbed the keys from the hall table and told her quickly I was getting Dustin. I was out the door before I heard her response.

I drove down the familiar Hawkins road to the hill in question. Upon arrival I parked and looked along the bottom trying to spot the curly headed kid, but it was empty. I shut off the car and got out.

“Dustin?” I called as I walked along part of the bottom of the hill.

That little shithead, I thought. Made me come over here and he’s not even down the hill.

“I’m gonna kill him,” I decided as I began the long trip up the hill.

I finally saw the top and heard talking, I wondered if he had gotten in touch with Suzie.

When I reached the top his back was to me, and I could hear the talking from his machine, but it definitely wasn’t English. Was that...Russian?

“Dustin?” I asked quietly.

He screamed and jumped to face me, with his hand resting on his chest.

“You scared the shit outta me!”

“Who was talking out of that?” I asked him taking a step towards him.

His eyes began shifting back and forth, “What?”

I nodded to the huge radio tower he created, “Talking from that thing? Who was it? Didn’t sound like a girl from Salt Lake City, Dust.”

He shook his head quickly, grasping his hand held walkie talkie in one hand and a tape recorder in the other.

“Nothing, just some interference. Let’s go.”

“What do you mean interference? Whoever that was, was speaking a different language.”

“So? It’s fine. I don’t know what it was, Lou. Let’s just go!” he demanded before walking past me beginning his descent down the hill.

I turned around and looked at his retreating back, I gritted my teeth and followed him all the way down to moms car.

He opened the front door and tossed his shit in before walking over to the tree line where I made out the faint outline of a bike. I went around to his side of the car and opened the back door so we could force the bike back there but when he came back he was empty handed.

“Bike?” I questioned.

He shook his head at me, “I’ll come back for it, I just wanna go home.”

“What if something happens to it, mom will be-“

“Then I’ll deal with it!” he said loudly, “Jesus, Lou I’m not a little kid!”

“Don’t take it out on me because your friends left you on the hill alone, Dustin! That’s not my problem!”

“Can we just go home?” he cried, “That’s why I called you here, not for a damn lecture,” he said before taking the open back door where his bike was supposed to go and slamming it shut right next to me.

“You better fix your attitude,” I told him as he slid into the passenger seat and closed the door a bit more gently.

I went to the drivers side and go in.

“Wanna talk about the little temper tantrum?” I asked turning to look at him.

He sighed deeply and leaned his head back, “I’m sorry...they just...they all left, Louise,” he told me sadly, “I’m gone for a month and it’s like everything changed or something. Mike and Elle left to make out or some shit-“

I held up my hand, “I just have to interject that I’ve known that kid his whole life so that’s a bit much for me to know,” I said, Dustin turned to face me with an unamused expression.

I cleared my throat, “Continue,” I said simply.

“Anyways. Then Will kept wanting to play D&D and none of them even believe that Suzie is real. And then the three of them left and it just pissed me off. I’m sorry I took it out on you.”

I nodded once, “I’m sorry, Dust. The party...you’re all getting older...some priorities change y’know? As far as Suzie being real, I beleive you.”

He smiled a bit at me, “Thanks, Lou.”

I smiled back at him, “But what was with that talking though?”

He looked away from me and put on his seatbelt, “No idea, like I said...probably some interference. Doesn’t matter couldn’t understand them anyways so...yeah,” he said drifting off.

I looked at him for another few seconds, but I knew he was pretty much done with this conversation.

I put my seatbelt on too and started the car driving back to our house. The ride was silent except for the quiet radio music in the background. I wanted to ask him why he was being so weird now, but I knew he would deflect. So I dropped it. For now.

Once I parked the car Dustin jumped out, grabbing his tape recorder tightly in both hands with his walkie talkie tucked under his arm, only letting go to open the front door and disappear inside before I had even closed my car door.

I leaned against the car and I knew...I was going to get to the bottom of it, I knew there was something going on and I was going to find out.

As always, GIF credit to owner and title credit to REO Speedwagon.

[bestsongby]

CONCEPT ALBUMS:

Watertown, by Frank Sinatra. 1970

Frank Sinatra pretty much gave birth to the "concept album" in the early fifties, with discs like Swing Easy!, Songs for Young Lovers, and his greatest artistic triumph, In the Wee Small Hours. And while his greatest moments on record came during his Capitol years (1954-1961), a lot of people seem to remember his mid-sixties Reprise years more fondly. Probably because a lot of his stuff wandered closer to "pop" music in those years, and can still be found on oldies radio now and then. And there's a ton of great stuff from that period, too. He was still flourishing creatively, with albums like The September of My Years (in which he confronts aging) and Francis Albert Sinatra & Antonio Carlos Jobim (in which he tackles one of the world's greatest songbooks). 

And, of course, the Reprise years saw him release a string of classic hit singles: "It Was a Very Good Year" (#28 on the pop charts), "Strangers in the Night" (#1), Summer Wind (#25), "That's Life" (#4), "Somethin' Stupid" (#1), and "My Way" (#2). And, commercially speaking, he did have thirteen top ten albums between 1962 and 1969. Not bad in the era of the Beatles.

One often overlooked Sinatra gem, Watertown, didn't have a hit single, and didn't even hit the top 100 (peaking at #101 on the Billboard charts in 1969). It's probably his most overt concept album, and I think it's brilliant. It's a true song cycle, detailing the breakup of a marriage, and the lingering impact on the singer. I think it's probably Sinatra's last hurrah as an interpretative singer. The pain and loneliness is palpable, and it's hard not to buy into the concept when you hear Sinatra's broken lamentations on what he's lost. The album was generally written by Bob Gaudio, who was responsible for many of the Four Season's biggest hits. The album starts with the title track, with swirling baroque pop instrumentation, as Sinatra tours the lonely town and ends at the train station in the rain, as his wife leaves him behind. The last sound we hear is the train pulling out of the station and heading away. From there it segues into "Goodbye (She Quietly Says)," in which Sinatra struggles with what's happening to him, detailing his wife's calm "goodbye" in a coffee shop: "She reaches out across the table, looks at me and quietly says, 'goodbye.'" It's clear that she's made her mind up, and nothing this man can say will change it, and also that she has no real interest in explaining herself. It's a very real feeling track. The third track is "For A While," which opens with a brief crescendo of horns, dovetailing into Sinatra trying to live his life without her, finding moments of happiness in the day-to-day, reinforced with the recurring "I forget that I'm not over you--for a while." He's still feeling the pain, but finding it easier to get along without her. One of the more painful tracks comes next, in "Michael and Peter." The song starts with a quiet examination of his children, noting the things the boys have in common with he and his ex-wife. After a pause, things pick up, and take the form of a letter written to his ex, letting her know how the house looks, what the boys are doing, and how life seems to be going in the world she left behind. "I Would Be In Love (Anyway)" is a summery tune, with some lovely woodwinds fluttering in the background. Sinatra reflects that even had he known how things would end up, he would have been in love with her, anyway. Sinatra really stretches his pipes on this one, insisting he wouldn't change what happened to him. Do we believe him? "Elizabeth" comes next, and we learn the name of the ex, as he fondly (and sadly) remembers the early days of their courtship. This theme continues in the next track, "What a Funny Girl (You Used to Be)," as he relates his positive and loving impressions of the girl he married. The song sounds as if it's being sung with a melancholy smile, and you understand what the man saw in the girl he loved. But always lingering in the background is the parenthetical "You Used to Be," reminding us that, in his mind, at least, something changed in this girl he remembers so fondly. The narrator begins to unravel a bit with "What's Now is Now," a direct confrontation with the reality of his relationship's collapse. It sounds as if he's discovered an infidelity, and, now assuming he knows "what really happened," is earnestly pleading that it doesn't matter, she can come home, and all will be forgiven. Sinatra sells the hell out of the sentiment here, and it's almost heartbreaking to hear him plead so openly for a reconciliation that the listener understands is really out of his hands. With "She Says," the shortest track on the album, Sinatra relates what his wife is up to now without commentary, as if he's reading a letter to the kids. This is punctuated by the children's chorus of, "so she saaaaays" that rises up at times during the song. And then a dramatic kicker concludes the song, hammered home by a quick burst of strings: "She says...she says...she's coming home." And so, next we find Sinatra waiting for "The Train." The sun comes out, the kids are coming home from school, and she'll be back soon. He details all the things he'll do right this time, and all the things he's changed since she "went away." Told largely in the present tense, we hear the excitement in his voice as he watches the train pull in, and the passengers disembark, and he looks for his wife, only to realize--she's not there. And our hopes are dashed with his. This may be my favorite track from the album. There's a very modern sounding cello line running under much of the song that adds an urgent weight to things, and the outro bubbles along, seemingly oblivious to this final crushing blow.

All in all, it's one of my favorite albums. It's definitely a product of the time in which it was released, and it's much more of a light pop album than almost anything else Sinatra did. But it works for me. If you're so inclined, dig it up.

[thej13579]

Paper Mario Sticker Star: Really That Bad?

This will be the first in a series that I have made called Really That Bad? It's where I judge a negatively reviewed product to see if it's really as bad as people say it is.

If you have your own suggestions for Really That Bad? or you just want to give out your own opinions on either this critique or the game itself, comment down below.

Paper Mario is a series that I really liked growing up. From its humble roots as a spiritual successor to Super Mario RPG to its generally considered superior sequel in The Thousand Year Door to even its weird diversion into platforming with Super Paper Mario, I considered these three games to be some of the best Mario games ever made.

But starting with the game that I’m discussing today, the Paper Mario subseries has gone in a different direction that has not been received all that well. Considering that Paper Mario: The Origami King just came out recently, I have been wondering if Paper Mario: Sticker Star deserves all the hate it gets, or is there something worthwhile in the direction that the subseries is undergoing. Let’s find out if I think Paper Mario: Sticker Star is Really That Bad.

Story and Characters

Let’s start with the story. A basic rundown is that Bowser has disrupted the beloved Sticker Fest by causing the Sticker Comet to explode. Now Royal Stickers and pieces of the comet have been flung far and wide, and it's up to Mario and his ally Kersti to set things right by recovering them. That’s basically the entire story. A basic Mario story with nothing aside from the paper theme making it stand out. 

Sadly, the characters don’t come out much better. Nearly all of them are basically bland and generic with very little in terms of personality or character design making them stand out from each other. (The Toads in of themselves have become a meme because they’re all the same exact character model) Even Kersti, an ally that follows you on your entire journey, stays static from beginning to end. Characters like Mizzter Blizzard, who actually does have a fairly sympathetic reason for what he does with him wanting to live longer and not melt, are very few and far between.

Overall, the story and characters lack any real charm from the other games and it comes across as a generic Mario story at the end of the day. While the first Paper Mario game had this exact same plot with the stars instead of the stickers, there were several things making that game stand out with its unique and memorable cast of characters and you also get to play as Peach every now and then to help Mario on his quest which was always rather nice. Not a particularly great start to this analysis.

Graphics

The graphics definitely are one of the highlights of the game. It’s fairly bright and colorful and the Nintendo 3DS takes good advantage of the fact that the world is paper. Some may dislike the extra emphasis on paper compared to the previous three games but I think it does add a little charm to the game that is sorely needed.

My main problem with the art direction essentially boils down to the locations; mainly, how generic they are. The designers fall back on various Mario locations that have been done to death by the time this game came out: Grasslands, deserts, jungles and finally Bowser’s castle. You take out the paper style, there will be nothing distinguishing it from most Mario platformers in the franchise and that’s a shame because the game actually looks pretty good on the Nintendo 3DS.

On a side note, I don’t really care that much for the 3D function of the Nintendo 3DS so I’m not taking that into account when evaluating the graphics.

Overall, the graphics, while good at taking advantage of the paper theme, suffered from a lack of originality when it comes to its locations (a flaw that later Paper Mario games did fix). It’s good but not great.

Sound

I’ll admit that the soundtrack is actually pretty good. It does have plenty of great tracks and the jazz motif throughout most of them really make it memorable in my eyes. Special mention goes to the main battle theme, Boo Night Fever, the Gooper Blooper battle themes, and the final boss themes.

I honestly don’t have much to say in this section. I just find this a very good soundtrack and I bet even most of the people who hate Sticker Star will agree with me on this.

Gameplay

Now, here’s the main part that many people have been criticizing this game for; the gameplay.

Let’s start with some positives. I liked the exploration aspect. I liked roaming around the areas, looking for stickers, solving puzzles. It really does feel like I’m accomplishing something whenever I found a secret passage that leads me to a different goal than when I was going down the beaten path.

There’s also the paperize power where you can reveal areas where you can place stickers down to enable certain events whether it is simply placing a sticker to make a ? box appear or a Thing that can really affect the environment, allowing you to progress further into the level..

That leads to the Things that you find by looking around the levels and I kind of like how they can affect the environment such as using the Faucet to fill up a dry oasis in the desert world and I especially like the animations that are played when you use them in battle. My personal favorites are the Goat, the Turkey and the Water Gun with how fun and bizarre they are. Sadly, they are not perfect for a major reason that I’ll get to in a bit.

Then we get to the battle system and here’s where most of my criticisms on the game design start to pour in. For the most part, it seems fairly similar to the RPG battle system from the first two games. You and your enemy take turns attacking each other and you have to get their health points down to zero to win the battle. Sounds exactly like the first two games... but that’s where the stickers come in.

Stickers come in a fair amount of variety with various forms of jumps, hammer attacks, and items. The main problem with them comes in the fact that all of them are consumables, even just the regular jump and hammer attacks. If you ran out of them, your only options are to either wait to die, or run away. Granted, you usually find enough stickers around the area just by looking around so it never really became a problem for me during my playthroughs. But the fact that it’s possible is not good game design.

The idea of your basic actions being entirely reliant on consumables would have been bad enough on its own, but then there’s the fact that, unlike nearly every other RPG ever, you get no experience from fighting enemies. What do you get from enemies? Coins and stickers. Two things that you can easily find on your own throughout the levels and you get plenty of the former the first time you actually complete a level. Not a very good incentive to battle if I say so myself. You are basically better off just avoiding enemies and saving your stickers for scripted encounters and boss fights.

And here’s where we get to what I consider the worst part of the game, the boss fights. The main issue can be boiled down to the fact that they are puzzle bosses with too much emphasis on the puzzle part. They are so powerful with their high health points ranging up to the hundreds and attack points they are all but guaranteed to wipe the floor with unless you have the proper Thing (and without a walkthrough, you probably don’t). If you do have the proper Thing, the boss quickly becomes a joke, hence the puzzle boss with too much emphasis on the puzzle. This is the flaw that I was referring to earlier when it comes to the Things. You have very little knowledge of what Thing you need for the fight until you’re already fighting the boss. Without a walkthrough, the only way to know is to die and possibly get a hint on what Thing you actually need.

To best describe what I’m talking about, let’s go with the very first boss, Megasparkle Goomba. To beat this boss, you have to fight the boss like normal until the sixteen Goombas that the boss is made out of reveal themselves and start to flip. From there you need one of two Things: Scissors or a Fan. Seems simple on paper (pun not intended). However, the main problem is that there is no indication that you need either of those Things to beat the boss. 

It’s far from the only example of this design issue at work and not the worst, the final boss takes that spot, but it’s a perfect example of how the Things work when it comes to bosses and how poorly designed the bosses in this game are. This is not helped by how the game actively discourages trial and error considering that, one; you only have a limited amount of space for stickers and Things take a huge chunk of space in your inventory. Two, they go away once they are used so you have to either buy them which costs quite a bit of coins, or you have to go to the place where you originally found them which can be long and tedious depending on the level.

Overall, the exploration aspect of the game is kind of fun with plenty of clever puzzles and platforming. But the battling system ranges from pointless at best to downright cryptic and poorly designed at worst. The gameplay is an extremely mixed bag ranging from pretty good to pretty bad.

Is It Really THAT Bad?

So, after all that, is Paper Mario: Sticker Star really that bad? Yeah… sort of.

I will admit that all the parts the game gets flack for do genuinely deserve all the criticism it gets and then some. The lack of emphasis on story and characters, the uncreative environments, and especially the battle system with its stupid reliance on consumable items to do anything in battle and lack of any good incentive to actually fight enemies along with the awful bosses. Aside from the art style, which I do like, the game lacks the charm that the first two Paper Mario games, and even Super Paper Mario, had. The fact that the very first Paper Mario did this exact same plot but did it better with more creative characters, environments and better game design just makes Sticker Star look that much worse by comparison.

But, I can’t find myself to really hate this game and that’s for several reasons. First, when I’m not battling any enemies and I’m just travelling the world, overcoming obstacles and solving puzzles, Sticker Star can actually be pretty fun. There may be some issues with that, mainly when Things are involved, but I’m still having a good time just exploring the levels, uncovering whatever secrets they may have.

There’s also the graphics and music which are still top notch with the extra emphasis on paper in the former and the excellent jazz motif throughout most of the tracks in the latter. The game overall, looks and sounds nice and it’s definitely a point in Sticker Star’s favor.

Overall, I wouldn’t call Paper Mario: Sticker Star a good game as it has too many flaws and inadequacies to push the overall product beyond okay. The game was rejected by most Paper Mario fans for fairly good reasons with its lower emphasis on writing and a poor battle system that gives the player very little reason to battle. But I think that the game does have some potential as an action-adventure sort of game. If the people at Nintendo are really that insistent on this direction for future games then I think that these are some of the things they should take into account if they really want to go in this direction. Perhaps The Origami King could take those criticisms into account?

[devnny]

CHAPTER THREE.

JTRM — THE “R” STANDS FOR RECOVERING!

PREVIOUSLY.

It’s time for Devi’s side of the torment!! It pains me to write her as anything but sarcastically happy, but c'est la vie...

Devi sucked listlessly on her Brain-Freezy, eyes trained on nothing in particular, while Johnny continued happily scrawling away from his seat on the floor.

She killed him. She really did.

Well, sort of.

It was an unnerving feeling, the metaphorical blood on her hands. Even with a history of guys around her losing eyeballs and brains, or bursting into flames beside her, none of that gore was ever her fault – aside from the chalk-induced asthma attack that killed poor Spindgey Simons, which was gruesome enough for her. The most violent Devi had ever gotten was beating the man sitting a few feet away from her within an inch of his life, which he had done well to deserve, in every regard. So, it was strange to be so hung up over pushing that one inch further and actually killing him – inadvertently or not.

The point was that Johnny laid the responsibility of his impermanent demise solely on her, and maybe that’s why it bothered her so much.

The fact that Johnny was more-or-less elated that she had been the unsuspecting command behind the very real trigger was baffling to her, but of course, he was naturally more comfortable with the concepts of murder and death than she was. At some point, he’d rationalized murder as a means to an end of bitter, ugly things, so to him, the fantasy of her blowing all the horrendous, malicious things clean out of his head with one shot must be so romantic. Devi would have gagged if she wasn’t so disoriented.

She needed to talk this out with someone, and there was only one person she’d place that much misguided trust in. Her legs bent as she moved to sit up.

“Hey Nny.”

Johnny’s head bobbed up immediately, and again her stomach squeezed anxiously from his eager response.

“I forgot that I… promised to check in on my neighbor-friend. The rats have gotten so bad, I worry they’ll start eating her feet off while she’s asleep.”

Devi looked to the side, hoping such a stupid lie could pass as a bizarre truth. Johnny watched her a moment, inquisitive eyes darting around the space of her figure, before tilting his head acceptingly as he turned his attention back to the page.

“Yeah, the rats’ll do that. They always start ankles first.” Was his reply. Devi held in the nausea that she felt from how knowledgeable he sounded about the subject.

“RIGHT.” She balked. “So, I’m going to go run down and check on her, before y’know, the rats get at her. You just uh, stay here, keep working, I’ll try and keep it quick.”

Johnny seemed less comfortable about the idea of being left alone, but agreed as casually as he could. Devi didn’t hesitate to rush out, lest something stupid manifest to stop her from reaching her destination, again. Even if Sickness was neatly contained right now, she hadn’t forgotten the lengths the little tumor had gone through to make the halls of the building an impassible maze of shit.

Her strides got faster without her notice the closer that she got to Tenna’s apartment, and her heart steadily increased to a panicked pace as the direness of her situation sunk in. Her fist landed hard on the door, whacking against the cheap material franticly. A single concerned squeak was the initial reply, which at least confirmed Tenna was inside, and awake.

“Tenna, it’s me, open up!” Devi whispered as loudly as she could. It only took a few seconds for the door to open.

“Oh my God, Devi, he’s murdered you hasn’t he!?” She gasped, but didn’t receive any answer besides being pushed back inside her home. Devi released her grip on her friend’s arms to walk in paranoid circles around the living room, muttering curses to herself. Tenna watched her go around with large, kitty eyes.

“Oookay, so obviously he hasn’t murdered you.” She commented, growing more concerned the longer Devi hissed and spat at no one. “…Did you kill him??”

“No!” Devi looked at her, devastated. “I MEAN—YES!”

Tenna covered her mouth in horror at the admission, and Devi dropped onto the couch with her face in her hands. Tenna quickly scuttled to her friend’s side, arm slung around her in a messy hug.

“Oh shit, Devi! That’s – very bad!! But I bet he did something to bring that on right? Right?” She asked hurriedly. Devi rested her elbows on her thighs and hung her head down.

“Shit, shit, shit, fuck, FUCK.” She shuddered out. “No Tenna, he’s not dead. But I killed him. I did! I killed someone.”

“…Uh, what?”

Devi shivered, shaking her head again.

“You remember that night you told me to call him? And we heard a bang and a scream and all that?”

“Yyyeah?” Tenna looked away uncomfortably at the memory.

“The bang was a gunshot. He had something rigged up that if he answered the phone it would shoot him, and that… killed him. He died that night.” Devi stared at the ground. Saying it aloud was horrible. “But because he had those brain-things – or maybe it was the primordial demon living in his fucking WALLS – he got a redo. Satan sent his ass back here, mostly parasite free. Fan-fucking-tastic.”

Tenna could only stare at Devi in concern.

“And he convinced you of all that?”

Devi immediately defended her certainty in the outlandish story.

“Tenna no, he was, like, having a fucking epiphany in my living room! You had to see him – he was absolutely losing it, ranting about how I saved him from his insanity and this and that – oh GOD.”

She fell back on the couch, melting into a heap on her side. Tenna patted her arm sadly.

“Damn it, Tenna, what did I get myself into?” Devi groaned into the cushion. “He’s still up at my place, and I have no fucking idea how I’m going to go back up there.”

“Poor, poor, foolish Devi.” Tenna sighed and continued her patting.

“No kidding. He was so bizarre about it, Ten. He looked at me like his salvation. Like I’m a fucking saint, or something.”

“Well, bright side, at least he won’t try to murder you again if he thinks you’re the Patron Saint of Destroying Head-demons, right?” Tenna thought a moment. “Well, he did try to kill you because you were his only joy in life, or whatever, so…”

Devi screamed her torment into a couch cushion for a few seconds, then sat up again, calmer now.

“No, I don’t think he’s going to try to kill me.” She said plainly. “At least not right now, anyhow. Who knows how he’ll be the more these… lessons go on.”

“You’re still going to mentor him?”

“Well, yeah, I guess!” Devi shot her hands out in exasperation. “If I told him to fuck off now that’d probably just piss him off. I don’t even know if he’ll leave me alone now that he likes me so much.”

Tenna could sense the repulsion wafting off of Devi with that emphasizing on “like”.

“Ewww, you don’t think he’d… try anything, right? All touchy-touchy?”

“Ugh, no. Thank God.” Devi looked up at the ceiling. “That was one of the things I liked about him so much, at the start. He never tried anything like that. Never tried to grab my hands or put his hands on me, or get me to put my hands on him all flirty-like – he didn’t even ask me out, I asked him. And that stupid… kiss, I initiated that too.”

“YOU wanted to give another human being a KISS?” Tenna’s eyes glittered teasingly.

“Mmughhh, don’t torment me.”

“You really liked him.”

“UUUUGH.” Devi slumped again. Why was her life so hideously unfair, constantly?

“None of those HORRIBLE choices matter right now. I’m freaking out over kinda-sorta killing this guy, and also that he’s totally enamored about it.” She exhaled. “I just needed to… let that out, I guess. Because I’m stuck with him now, for some unknown amount of time.”

Devi got up and stretched her arms and neck out while she walked. Tenna pouted.

“So you’re just gunna go back up there…?” Tenna debated momentarily if she should try and talk Devi into staying longer, or not going back at all, but any deterrent would be unlikely to work, knowing Devi, unless she had a couple of weeks to chip away at her immense stubbornness. She offered her some uplift-y parting words, instead.

“Well, I guess I’m glad you’ve been with him for like, an hour, and no death has happened yet.”

“Thanks, Ten. I’ll… call you when he leaves, or something. Wish me luck.” She sighed and left to return to her self-made mental turmoil.

--

LATER, UPSTAIRS:

“How’s this?” Johnny lifted up his finished comic to be inspected by his newly-appointed tutor. Devi pulled her mouth away from the straw of her now-melted Brain-Freezy and took the tablet from him, reading over his scratchy handwriting as best she could.

It was a fairly simple multi-panel Happy Noodle Boy comic, with protagonist hollering about ugly things on the street and committing acts of erratic violence. One of the comments he made was randomly about having head pain, and Devi wondered a moment if Johnny just used half of what was intended dialogue, and the rest was random thoughts that went through his mind while he wrote – in this case, likely a brain freeze. She decided not to bring up the writing and focused on the effort put into some of the panels.

“Y’know, even if it’s just stick figures, you’ve got a pretty good handle on perspective.” Devi commented with a lenient nod. Johnny’s eyes glistened a moment from the positive feedback, but made sure to flicker his pupils down and away from Devi’s focus when she moved to hand him back his drawing.

“I think your original talent’s still in there someplace, Nny. It’s like a drippy faucet, you just need to turn the water on – something like that.” She took another sip of her drink. Johnny stared at the comic laid across his lap.

“You said it was being “rerouted”, before.” He replied. Devi perked an eyebrow, but after a moment remembered their previous conversation on the cliff about the same subject.

“Well, if you’re not murdering creatively as an artistic outlet now, there’s only one place for it to go.” She peered down at him, and Johnny lifted his head in modest surprise.

Like usual, Devi was right. Compared to his life before the wall-thing’s destruction, he killed far, far less frequently, and definitely much less colorfully than before. He used to pull out intestines with salad tongs at buffet tables; break off limbs and reattach them to another victim with a staple gun; insert things that should never be inside a human being into orifices and then sew them up – now his killings were sparse, and straightforward in nature. A tire iron to the head of a truck stop bastard was a merciful attack, in comparison to what he would have done to him for the same offense a year earlier.

“I guess so.” He mumbled noncommittally, despite his growing certainty about it.

“You’ve just been distracted still, which is obvious with the existence of your Meaty guy. All I’m doing is making you focus your energy onto paper instead of letting it evaporate out of you.”

Johnny was silent a moment before speaking again, picking at his drawing absentmindedly.

“And what if that doesn’t work?” He asked. Devi stuck her lip out curiously.

“It will.” She affirmed, even if she wasn’t exactly sure of it herself, seeing as the only test of her theory was her own experience. But with those statistics, it worked one-hundred percent of the time, and those were good odds, right?

Johnny didn’t look totally convinced, but decided to trust Devi on the matter, for now. She had yet to steer him wrong as it was, and as she had implied before, he was the urchin in need of guidance, not her.

“Right…” He murmured as his eyes shifted away. Devi held in a sigh. She suddenly felt more exhausted with offering up her free emotional energy to play therapist to Johnny, and decided she was done for the night.

“Welp. That’s enough arting for one night, I think!” Devi announced with a pair of slaps against her knees. She sat up and walked from her seat to the middle of the room, as if to urge her guest to get up as well. She had successfully survived an entire night with her former attempted-murderer, and with the evening’s events still weighing on her, she was unwilling to let it drag on and invite something even weirder to happen. Johnny was surprised by the abrupt ‘last call’, and watched her move away with hesitant eyes.

He got up, if only to appease her, but the idea of leaving her side now made him a pinch more anxious than he would have liked. It might have just been a delusional sense of security, but it was one that he had grown quite comfortable in for the few hours that he remained at her apartment after his revelation, and the fact that he would need to leave had escaped him until she had said as much. In all likelihood, Johnny thought, Devi probably wanted to sleep, a bodily function that he often forgot other people did nightly. He wouldn’t want to deprive her of it, even if the concept of sleeping was completely unalluring to himself.

“Oh, yes.” He stalled while he tried to think of some small talk to distract himself. “That was quite a bit of drawing, for me anyway.”

“It’s a start.” Devi gave him a tiny smile, and Johnny felt he chest swell with pride – both in accomplishing the task given to him, and for seemingly pleasing Devi. He messily loaded up his pencil bag, then stepped around the coffee table to linger near her side at the door for a moment.

“So… do I come back tomorrow?” He asked. Devi’s eyes widened in surprise, mostly at herself for not even considering a time for this new addition to her schedule.

“Oh, uh,” She tried to think. “—maybe not tomorrow.”

Devi couldn’t tell by Johnny’s expression if he was saddened by that, or if his stare was one of expectance, waiting for instruction from her. Truth be told, he could come over tomorrow, but she wanted a some time to digest all of this, and maybe plan things better, if that was even possible.

“I’m going to send you home with er, well, homework!” Her mouth hitched up on one side in an awkward smile. “Just… draw a couple of things while you’re away, and bring them back in, uh…”

God, how she wished she didn’t have to give herself a countdown for this.

“—in, um, three days! Same time.” A wider smile forced over her face, and she tried not to think about how she had less than a meager seventy-two-hour window of no-Johnny time to rethink her life choices. Johnny wasn’t happy to have to wait that long to see her again, but accepted her judgement with as little pouting as he could manage.

“Alright, I will see you at 6:00PM, in three days.” He repeated aloud, more so to make sure he remembered than anything else. Devi nodded and opened the door for him.

“Great! Okay, see you later, Nny!” Her voice barely held back her deep desire to be alone now. Johnny smiled at her and waved a sporadic goodbye with his hand beside his chin.

“Bye!” He bid happily. Devi only waited for him to turn around before shutting and locking the door as quickly as she could.

Her hand remained tightly clenched around the last lock as she finally, genuinely, allowed herself to absorb everything that had happened tonight. Her forehead hit the doorframe with a forlorn thud, and her shoulders lowered pitifully.

Learning she had been the cause of Spindgey’s death as a child was hard enough to swallow, but at least it was medical-related. An asthma attack – it was about as bad as accidentally giving a kid with a peanut allergy a bite of your PB&J during lunch hour.

Knowing her actions had lead to the grisly, violent demise of anyone, let alone someone she used to… care about, was sickening. Truly nauseating. Her imagination was too healthy for her own good at the moment, visualizing Johnny bloody and broken on the floor of his house, a circular piece of his fucking skull missing. She suddenly regretted having seen so many horror films, as any and all concepts of exit wounds and brain matter haunted her in a fleeting flash of imaginary gore. It was only made worse by the new memories of his upbeat, enthused expressions from the rest of the night.

Just for a moment, Devi despised those new memories of his happiness that she had. They reminded her of the ‘old’ Johnny, and she didn’t want to picture him as he was before – how she had perceived him; as a comically-cynical movie nut and art buff. Someone that she enjoyed spending time with, laughing about how stupid people could be, and musing over whether this-or-that had deeper meanings. Mixing the image of his sneery smile that she used to love so much with any idea of how he could have looked in the clutches of death made her want to convulse in hurt and disgust.

She urged herself to her bedroom and sprawled across the face of her bed, before bundling herself up in a misshaped, unhappy ball. If the universe would permit it, she would be grateful to not think about him for the entire three days that she would be without him, but Devi knew without a doubt that the universe sucked ass, and that she would be plagued with constant thoughts of her new ‘pupil’ whether she liked it or not.

--

NEXT.

[nosferatyou]

I was tagged by @lazingonsunday and @shes-outta-sight to do one of the long tag, get to know them, type of things. Which I absolutely love by the way. I don’t talk about myself much.

What was the last thing you read?

Well I was editing the latest chapter of my fic of that counts? If not some random josh one shot a couple hours ago lol.

Favorite Movie?

Man it’s ever revolving. It was Django Unchained for a long ass time, but now I think it’s Baby Driver.

Favorite Book?

Misery by Stephen King. I read it years ago and I have a lot of good memories tied to it. Me and my friend became closer through his works and this was the first one I read. It’ll stay close in my heart.

Dream Date?

It’s one I’ve been on before but just Vinyl Shopping. It’s simple and easy but music in a relationship is important to me. I gotta make sure they have good picks. But there is something so soft about it all.

Do you have a crush?

Sadly no. But I’m fully in Joshes lane rn if that means anything?

What are your hobbies?

Oof okay. I mostly draw like all hours of the day. But I very actively keep up with guitar and bass. I write as well. I make videos for my friends. I collect old and beat up vinyls. Lot of art stuff

Favorite time of day?

Night time. Like from hours 10-3. That’s my true alone time and it’s something I cherish and look forward to everyday.

If you could look like anything, what would you like to look like?

I don’t wish to change anything about my body. I think I’d be silly to. But man I wish I could actually afford clothes I’d like to wear. Real bellbottoms you know? I want that vintage shit.

Are you romantic?

In a secure relationship yes. I show too much emotion too fast in the beginning. But boy oh boy when I get romantic. I get very touchy feely. Man date ideas. Lot of carefully curated playlists.

Favorite type of weather?

That time in like August/September when I can wear jeans and maybe a light jacket. But it’s still warm, you know?

What do you like talking about?

Music. I talk about it all day long. The foundation behind it. The artist. I could discuss guitars and instruments with people all damn day. I just. I love everything about it. But also GVF is my hyperfixation rn and my friend is ready to shoot my head off if I speak another word about Jakes guitar playing.

What are your turn ons?

Ngl I’m akin to a boy with long hair. It’s my vice. I’ve only dated long haired musicians. But I just want someone who radiates some kind of light you know? I’ve seen too much darkness. I want someone genuine and real. Is it too much to ask for a positive person?

What are your turn offs?

I’ve dealt with a lot in my past. Basically anything that’s negative. Ignorance mostly. I don’t want someone who refuses to learn. It’s stupid. I just want honesty and someone with an open mind. Anything else is a no go.

If you got a tattoo what would it be and where would you get it?

Okay so. I really want tattoos. I designed something about a year ago I want really badly but it’s so expensive. Thinking rationally. Right now I’d really like some line art of bust. Idk what tho.

Do you have any pets?

3! 2 dogs, Ruby and Nellie, both too six year old mutts. Nellie is the weirdest god damn dog I’ve ever had. And ruby is basically a fox dog. And then there is Friday my cat. He can be a bitch boy but he’s a sweet boy who’s just being a cat. (I also have ten plants but most people don’t consider them pets)

Dream Job?

I’m still searching for that. Recently my heads been floating towards playing live shows as a guitar or bass player. But I’m no where near the point of even considering. I’m pretty shitty. But how Cool would it be to play that violin bow with my guitar on stage?

Dream place to live?

Not considering any potential jobs. I just want to live in a big log cabin somewhere on the outskirts of a town. Out in the wilderness and free to just live.

Dream vacation?

I’ve never been to Europe. I’d love to just road trip around in a van honestly. But before that visit my great grandfather grave in Scotland. He was a kings hand and did a lot back in the day. I’d be cool to see. But then I’d fuck around in Europe.

Do you have any piercings?

I’ve got my nose and ears pierced. I’m pretty happy with that

If you had kids what would you name them?

Man I don’t even want to think about that.

What are your best traits?

I’m a great listener. I’m extremely compassionate. Will do anything to help friends. And I feel like my music taste isn’t half bad.

Worst traits?

The compassionate thing tends to bite me in the ass. I’ve got a lot of emotions. I also have 20 things I want to do all at once all the time. I loose sleep because of it. There is more but I’d go on too long.

Worst fear?

Weirdly enough any type of natural disaster. When I was way too young I watched “The Impossible” and then shortly after learned about techtonic plates and I never forgotten about it or where they are.

What do you want to eat right now?

Brownies. And a fucking burrito.

Best vacation you’ve been on?

I went on a road trip to Chicago recently and I just makes so many good memories. I saw ninja sex party’s 10th anniversary, which was fantastic. But I got to visit a friend all weekend. But my favorite part was the ride back. The whole time we just talked but also sang to old 50s songs and just had this moment of unity. I still think about it

Favorite City?

I haven’t been to too many places yet so I’m gonna go with my hometown, Nashville. If you look past all the tourists. It’s got a very rich musical history and in certain places you just feel it. I loved living there and it made me who I was.

Favorite social media platform?

Tumblr. It’s really the only one I ever check anymore. Plus I’ve made some great friends on here.

Favorite article of clothing?

My fucking bellbottoms. I wear them whenever I can. They give me so much confidence.

Do you play any sports?

Fuck no. I have no coordination whatsoever.

Favorite meal of the day?

Lunch. You have a lot more options. Plus I just like the vibe

What are you excited for?

Starting the tenth I have a lot of good things coming my way. In that week I get to finally end this semester, the new Harry styles album releases, I get a new bass, and I get to see fucking Greta Van Fleet. None of you know how excited I am for that. Pit tickets. Jesus it’ll be good.

Not excited for?

Finals. And an um.. upcoming funeral.

When was the last time you cried?

I honestly can’t remeber and that really scares me.

Dream house?

I basically answered this earlier but gimme that big ass log cabin.

Something you hate about this world?

Don’t get my started. I hate that everyone hates themselves all the time when they have no reason to. I hate that 8 people have most of the worlds money and are doing nothing to help global warming. I hate the man that’s in power and what he’s helped cause. I hate everyone who refuses to accept literally any fact. I hate that my future is bleak because of some old ass white men.

Something you love about this world?

I love the light that radiates off of certain people. I love that our generation has hope and that some people are actually trying to make change. I love the raw creativity I see in others and I love that we are bringing back the resurgence of peace and love.

What scents do you like?

Old records and books. Its the simple pleasures.

What kind of sleeper are you?

Typically heavy but sometimes I Sleep so little it feels like I got nothing at all.

Cat or dog person?

Don’t make me pick! I grew up with both, and very partial to both.

How long would you survive in a zombie Apocolypse?

I wish I could tell you. I’d like to think I’d live awhile but I would probably be the ones who look like they have hope and then accidentally get taken out.

Are you trusting?

I used to be. I realized recently how thick my walls really are.

What fictional character do you identify with?

Sorry to be boring but nothing is coming to mind. But then again I never felt akin to anyone really?

What labels do you commonly get?

In high school I was called “the quiet one” if that tells you anything.

What song would be your life anthem?

Sunshine on my shoulders by John Denver is the only one coming to mind. I think I just want the feeling it gives me to be what I feel all the time.

What issues are you dealing with right now?

Two friends in the last month Um. Took their own lives. One being an old friend. I’ve never dealt with death. My brain doesn’t know how to handle it. I also think I might have ADD. But. That’s the tip of the iceberg rn

How can someone win you over?

Typically I’m drawn to people who are the loudest in the room. I like that their confident and can speak their minds but what wins me over about them is when they really open up. When I learn about the real then rather than the face that they put on. Most of the time it goes that way.

What’s something people don’t know about you?

I’m making a short film with some friends who go to Columbia. Should be out soonish.

I tag

@pvre-mourning @peacelovekiszka @fretavangleet @aint-no-denying @sosozoso

[sweetstudies77]

Pressing On & Prepping for 2L

Y’all. The past year has been difficult beyond measure.

TL;DR - Law school is hard. Being treated like crap at home makes it worse. Friends help. I’m grateful for my support system. Whatever you’re dealing with, I believe in you! You can make it.

TW: some discussion of verbal/emotional abuse by romantic partner.  

The struggle has been real. Not purely academically, but personally as well. Here’s my story.

My Blog

I started this little study blog as a creative outlet. I frequently looked to other studyblrs’ beautiful blog posts with photos of coffee and neatly written class notes for motivation as I embarked on my first year of law school. As I wrap up my 1L summer, I have been given the opportunity to reflect on the past 365 days and it has been quite a journey.  Beginning School

I began 1L in August of 2018 with bright eyes and an eagerness to do the very best I could. I read through several blog posts with advice for rising 1L’s. The advice I received included tips like “always go to class,” “actually do the reading,” and lots of links to useful school supplies. As wonderful as the advice was, nothing could have fully prepared me for the year to come.

On the first day, I walked into the school with no interest in socializing. I actually texted my mom “I am not here to make friends.” I didn’t see the utility in social connections and frequently experienced bouts of social anxiety which made reaching out to others nearly unbearable.

My Schedule

I lived with a boyfriend in a cute little apartment in the downtown of a city approximately 40 minutes from school. On Sundays, I would cook lunches for the week, carefully selecting healthy choices, mindful of what foods he liked/didn’t like. I’d stack Tupperware containers with the week’s lunches in the fridge.

On the weekdays, I followed a 12 hour “on” (at school) and 12 hour “off” (at home) schedule which enabled me to beat traffic and maximize my time at school, making time for one-hour windows to go to the gym and break for lunch. I made sure to get home with enough time to make dinner and spend a few hours with my then boyfriend before going to bed. This way, I did all of my studying at school and could be fully present while at home. I wasn’t going to allow law school to interfere with my relationship and my home life.

Weekday mornings, I would wake up around 5:30am, get dressed, make coffee, and head to school. Usually I’d arrive at the law library between 7:15 and 7:30am and read/review my notes for the class ahead. I made sure to always be prepared for any cold call that could be thrown at me (I actually wasn’t called on at all during first term). I’d remain at school until approximately 7pm when I would drive home to make dinner.

On the weekends, I dubbed one day my “study day” and the other my “no school” day. Hoping we could still make weekend plans and enjoy each other’s company.

This system worked until midterms, when the boyfriend started to complain about how much I talked about school. Fine, I thought. I’ll just talk about school less and make sure our time together was more intentional. Nope. Even through minimizing how much I talked about school, any mention of my school friends or new class topics was met with hostility.

I thought my relationship would grow stronger, especially because I was prioritizing it above so much else and working hard to keep us together and happy. My hope was that, through making myself consistently available for a few hours a day, we would be able to have almost as much together time as we did before law school. I was sadly mistaken.

*Failing Relationship

My then boyfriend saw the hours I carved out to make time for him as restrictive. If I asked to spend time together during the evenings or on my “no school” day rather than the “study day,” I would be told that my school schedule “wasn’t his problem.” He chose to spend time with his friends rather than me on the free days and but the time he wanted to spend time with me, I was studying. I felt bad for trying to pigeonhole him and worked to make more time for him during the week. It was never enough.

I felt so alone. Stretched so thin and trying to be the very best at school, being a girlfriend, and homemaking. I never once received a “thanks” … which didn’t bother me initially because, of course, he had never asked me to stretch myself so thin. But wasn’t this a partnership?

I ended up finishing my first term in the top 11% (not 10% as I was JUST below the cutoff for that). I was disappointed because top 10% was my goal, but I resolved to get better. To do better. My school is on the quarter system and we have three terms per year (plus optional summer sessions), so I figured I had enough time to finish first year even better. I started studying with a group and had no idea how much of an impact these three students would have on my life moving forward.

*Crashing Down

Long story short, things at home got so bad that I started to question my ability to perform at school. I did not share with the boyfriend how I was feeling at all times, but I would do my best to calmly explain concerns with the relationship when they became relevant. Expressing myself became akin to walking on eggshells, but I still thought I could make it work if I just tried hard enough. I was regularly insulted, gaslighted, or ignored. Whenever I was upset about something, I was told that I was being “dramatic.” His friends took priority over our plans together and my boundaries were constantly crossed (example: I don’t like having people come to our apartment to drink often, but I requested that IF we were going to have company, that the boyfriend at least tell me about it in advance so I could make sure I was dressed… he never told me in advance).

I experienced stress induced hives, rapid weight loss, and extreme anxiety about everything. I began thinking that I was not good enough and that nothing I did even mattered. I even started to believe him when he told me I was stupid. My study group reassured me of my abilities and extended kindness and support beyond what I had ever seen at home. They urged me to leave my boyfriend and move to a safer place. Eventually I did and I am so glad… but things have been far from “all better” since I made that decision.

The summer began on a bittersweet note. I had dropped to just below the top 30% and I had broken up with my boyfriend of two years. We still lived together but I would be moving out soon. I felt discouraged about my class rank, and I didn’t know what the future would hold.

Because of the mental strain and emotional abuse* I did not apply to many summer internships or other extracurricular activities. I just didn’t think I was good enough. This left me confused and even more anxious, but fortunately I was afforded the opportunity to intern at a local firm, thanks to one of my study group friends. *Abuse is the word the school counselor used to describe the way my ex talked to and manipulated me – I do not intend to demonize my ex nor do I want to paint him as a bad person. Please note that several details of the circumstances have been left out in the interest of writing a blog post rather than a novel on how “bad” it was. If you or someone you know is experiencing any type of abuse, please reach out to a trained professional.

Starting Over

This month, I am wrapping up a summer internship at a local private defense law firm. My friend reached out and offered to talk to his old boss about having me shadow him for the summer when he realized the magnitude of my situation. Thankfully I have not spent the entire summer twiddling my thumbs. I am extremely grateful for this and all of the kindness of my classmates.

Today, I am living at my mom’s house and preparing for 2L. I wish I could say something along the lines of “I made it through the storm. Everything is fine now.” But that’s not how it works. My mom is further away from the school than my old apartment and living with my family makes me feel like a bit of a child. Before law school, I worked in advertising and lived in my little apartment for three years. I feel like I am moving backwards. My best friend is getting married in November and I am her maid of honor. This means planning a bachelorette party and making hotel reservations for the wedding. I am so happy for her, but it is hard not to feel like I’ve gotten the short end of the stick. My class rank is lower than I want it to be and I worry about what this may mean for the future and my career. With all of this, it is still easier to breathe. My laughter is genuine, and I don’t have a sense of doom or fear at the end of the day anymore. I am able to sleep through the night without a sleep aid. And most importantly, for me, I am not faced with constant insults or gaslighting anymore.

Looking Ahead

Focusing on the negative has never been helpful for me, so I have to keep going. I don’t know what’s in store for the future, but I am hopeful for good things. I know we all have tough things going on in our lives and school performance is just the tip of the iceberg. If nothing else, I want to encourage you to press on. That’s what I would have told myself in December when my façade of perfection came crumbling around me.

Lastly, hold on to your support system. Make sure that someone knows if you’re in trouble. And make time for socializing. You never know when your friends are going to be your rock.

[minaminokyoko]

Godzilla: King of Monsters: A Spoilertastic Review

To get straight to the point for some of you, yes, thank God, this movie is better than Godzilla '14.

For one, the title character is not only in the movie for a decent amount of time, they don't constantly cut away from the action and the film is properly lit so that even in night scenes and scenes with heavy rain, our lizard boi is fully visible. He also is kicking some ass and taking some names, and that's what we came here to see. Thus, it's immediately better than its predecessor.

However, a big problem with the movie is the humans. Not the supporting Monarch team, mind you, but the "family." This is one of the most poorly written families I've seen in a while. It's just baffling. They are very, very unlikable people. You don't really get to know them much, and moments where you do, you just don't like them. They are not easy to root for. It's a very similar problem to a lot of other disaster movies, where they pick a bunch of high strung, angry, selfish people as your leads to the point where you're kind of rooting for the disaster to get them, and that's sadly the other half of this film.

In short, they do the kaiju stuff well, but the humans drag the movie down a couple of enjoyment levels, if you ask me. Let's get to it.

Overall Grade: C

Spoilers ahead.

Pros:

-Godzilla and the other monsters look and sound great. They truly feel like their title: Titans. The movie does a good job of offering scale and giving you different perspectives to understand the size and scope of these creatures, and it's very cool to see some of them in the flesh while others are just named. They name-dropped Kong three times that I counted, but he's still Sir-Not-Appearing-In-This-Movie, which is irritating, but I also think that's for two reasons: (1) they need to build the hype train and sadly this movie is not on track to do well, as evidenced by my theater only having about eight people total in it opening weekend, and they need all the help they can get if they truly want to turn this into a franchise (2) they want to give him and Godzilla an entire rivalry film to themselves instead of just making him an extra here in this movie. Give them the room to breathe and be rivals in their own film rather than just shoehorning Kong into this debut of the other kaiju. But back to my point, the monsters all feel corporeal and intimidating. I really liked Mothra's design in particular. She looks gorgeous and is kind of the Ugly Cute variety of monster. I very much enjoyed seeing these creatures with some good effects given to them (although there are a few spots where it could look better, but WB struggles with this a lot, I've noticed) and the sounds they make are tremendous and impressive.

-The monster fights are pretty solid. I do admit that Pacific Rim kind of raised my bar for kaiju fights even though I know it's not the same story, but that to me is the perfect balance of human characters who are actually likable and useful versus giant monsters. I think it just should be a good blueprint for how to run the show if you're advertising giant monsters blowing up shit and beating the stuffing out of each other. I think the monster fights in King of Monsters are paced well and you can mostly understand where they are in relation to each other and how evenly matched they are. There were also smaller, neat details like seeing Mothra in her larva state then evolve into her adult form. That's very cool and creative and I enjoyed that little detail. The final smackdown with Godzilla and Ghidorah was a good monster mash, and I appreciate them giving it time and not cutting away. Godzilla's finishing move was 100% badass. Kudos to the big Lizard Boi, and kudos to Mothra for coming to help her lizard boyfriend as well against Rodan.

-The Monarch team is dicey at best, but the humans actually did more than just following him around like in Godzilla '14. It was actually a smart idea to introduce the ORCA and the concept of trying to at least either soothe or summon the monsters. I liked it a lot, and it was relatively realistic. We as a species are stupid and would of course try nukes first, but once they learned that these things actually feed on radiation and it makes them stronger, then they would be forced to find alternative options. It allowed the human characters to finally be truly relevant and not just dumb, wide-eyed spectators (although, God, there was a lot of that in this movie) and it gave the whole thing a sort of story.

-Just like the previous movie, Ken Watanabe gave a performance this movie did not deserve. He's just one of those actors where he's so seasoned that even though God knows this movie's script is not fucking Shakespeare, you could still tell that he cared a lot about the project and was easily the best actor hands down.

-I'm glad Emma dies. Fuck her. Thank you for having the teeth to not try and give her some shitty redemption that she wouldn't have deserved anyway. Thank you for sticking to your guns and doing just like Deep Blue Sea and letting the person responsible for all that death take the final bow for her shitty fucking actions.

-This has nothing to do with the canon, but I had a really cool idea: what if Last Action Hero Bad Guy is Tom Hiddleston's character from Kong: Skull Island? Wouldn't that be fucking neat?! It just occurred to me that since Hiddleston's character was probably in his 30's during the 1970's, he'd be in his 70's during this film and he's a tall, thin British dude. I would love it if we got some kind of backstory reveal that something happened that caused Hiddleston's character to turn against Monarch. Wouldn't that be a good idea for a second Kong movie? Seeing the hero turn to the villain for the sake of saving the planet? Man, I like that idea a lot, but that's me.

-I was glad to see Ziyi Zhang return to a big screen movie. I liked her and felt bad about what happened to her career, so it was cool seeing little bits of story, especially about how Asian cultures do in fact consider reptiles to be helpful and not hurtful. That was a neat little mythos thing for me.

Cons:

-As mentioned above, I hated this fucking family. This family is just unbearable. I know the film is ham-fisted in its attempts to deal with loss and tragedy and a broken home, but there is a way to do that. There is a way to write characters reconciling and putting aside a rough history to come together. This is not the way. It's so sloppily written that I was throwing my hands up in exasperation at certain points. They are so unlikable. You see so little of their home life, first off, that there is no real connection to get to know them. This is a common problem in action movies these days, too--they don't know how to set the stage and just rush into action. It's true we come to action movies for action, but that doesn't mean we don't also want to enjoy the characters we're spending time with. We know it's fully possible to have action packed movies with well-written leads. It's been done for decades, so this movie has no excuse for why the three family members are aggressively terrible. Emma is a selfish, thoughtless bitch and her motivations make zero sense. Mark is just an angry ex-alcoholic who just barely is relevant enough to be in the story. Madison is damn near a blank slate daughter archetype with little to offer except to be something to rescue. Even with one brief flashback of when they were happy, we're not given a reason to root for them because you never get to know them and the few character traits they do display are just awful. For that reason, we're gonna give Emma her own bullet point to explain why she is just the worst.

-Emma's motivation is completely ass-backwards. Going the eco-terrorism point makes no fucking sense for what happened to her. Hear me out. I can see what this movie was going for, and I know it's kind of an odd comparison, but what they ended up with is basically blonde Thanos. Fuck this woman. Fuck this woman for deciding that she's right and millions of other people need to die because she thinks she is right about something, and she was fucking wrong. 100% fucking wrong. It made no sense that because Godzilla killed your kid, you're gonna slaughter tens of thousands of other kids to "restore the earth" and make it some kind of utopia. You're gonna subject innocent lives to torture and death and trauma in the hopes that titantic animals you cannot at all control and barely understand will raze everything to ashes and then shit can grow again. This is some deeply white people shit, too. Sorry to pull that card, but yes, this is a full-on white people mentality of doing something that will hurt everyone else BUT YOU and thinking you have the right to make that fucking decision. She and Maddie were somewhere safe, and she told her ex-husband to go somewhere safe too, and then she pulled a trigger that killed millions of fucking people whose only crimes were existing. That environmentalist message was utter shit. Is the earth overpopulated and polluted? Yep. But the fucking solution is not to kill half the goddamn population. The solution is to work together and overthrow the corrupt people keeping us from finding realistic ways to solve the problem, not wiping out half of humanity while you sit in a goddamn doomsday bunker sipping coffee and congratulating yourself. The crazy thing is this blonde Thanos bullshit did not need to happen. Last Action Hero Bad Guy was perfectly fine in this role of basically the kaiju version of Ra's Al Ghul. It made sense for him to be like, "ay, fuck y'all for killing the earth, let's let the monsters have it back and then clean up afterward." All you had to do was keep it the way it was presented to us: he kidnapped her and the kid and forced them to help wake up the monsters. There was no need to for this idiotic Deep Blue Sea nonsense of her agreeing with him and somehow setting it up. Which, by the way, made no goddamn sense because he kills all those innocent scientists in the lab at the beginning of the movie. Did she know he would do that? If so, fuck her. Fuck her in the ass sideways for killing her own teammates. She could have met him somewhere else. What was with the guns and shit if she's the one who came up with this dumb idea? I hate everything about this character and I am glad she died in the end because she was as much a fucking monster as King Ghidorah.

-The dialogue in this movie is atrocious. Look, I get it, it's a generic action movie. But come on. There were seriously points where I just rolled my eyes or threw my hands up in exasperation because there were just so many Captain Obvious comments or unfunny one-liners thrown back and forth. It's painful to endure some of this shit. The "humor" in particular really hurts, because you can see they put pauses after certain lines where they think the audience is laughing, and trust me, no, we were NOT laughing. Stupid shit like telling a character to "hold on" as a fucking maelstrom is trying to blow them away or just other dumb filler dialogue that makes me wanna slap my forehead. It's egregious.

-The Monarch team is still kind of as stupid as the last movie. Not completely, but they were reaching hard in certain cases and they still felt useless. One example that drove me insane was when Godzilla went back to his bachelor pad to recharge, they then say this is where he comes to heal...and then proceed to nuke that shit. And I'm like...bitch, whatchu gon' do now if he gets hurt?! You're just gonna find him and nuke him every single time he's hurt?! What the fuck kind of plan is that? I get that the movie writers wanted a sense of urgency, but that was such an idiotic way to accomplish something needed for the plot. They introduced a cool concept and then eliminated it immediately. Oy. Another example is Mark's dumbass screaming for Maddie like she can possibly hear him at Fenway Park with fucking Ghidorah and Godzilla literally fighting right on top of the stadium. Are you kidding me? My God, Mark is stupid. He did the same thing when he ran into the base with a fucking pistol screaming her name and letting the armed mercs know exactly where the hell he was. I am shocked his dumbass didn't get immediately picked off. Moron.

-Sarigawa's death was some full-on nonsense. Fuck you for killing the only credible actor in the entire movie, and what's worse is that it very much feels like a person of color dying for the sake of some goddamn white people. Because, yes, folks, I'm sorry, this is a white woman's fault. All this shit is because a white woman wanted to be Thanos and now this awesome dude has to sacrifice himself. Fuck off. I hate this point in the story, even though bless Watanabe for giving us the only credible emotional scene in the entire movie.

-Even though she was barely a character, I disliked Sally Hawkins biting it randomly in the first third, and not getting much reverence. No, we didn't know shit about her, but it felt like the movie just said "fuck it" and moved right along like it was no big deal. I don't know why they even bothered.

-How in God's name did they somehow "sneak" Ghidorah's whole ass head out of fucking Boston with no one noticing? It's a giant dragon head! How did you fucking do that and no one saw you bring it all the way to Mexico? I swear to God, this movie is filled with plotholes. I'm fine with them setting up Mecha Ghidorah or just cloning him all over again, but why couldn't it just have been in Boston and they just snuck in during the dead of night and moved it somewhere nearby? That thing is gigantic and it's a hard pill to swallow that they just left without anyone noticing it.

EDIT: A fan corrected me that this was the head that Godzilla ripped off before the end fight, so the above point is invalid. Nice catch! Thank you! 

-Nitpick: Did Mothra die? That was unclear. I hope not. She's the Queen. I'll have to ask some Godzilla fans to explain what they thought happened after Ghidorah blasted her in the final fight.

-Nitpick: Good God, these human characters survive shit that would easily kill a normal person and it is a little bit grating on the nerves to suspend your disbelief this hard.

-Nitpick: I hate it when monsters the size of fucking buildings somehow notice tiny ass humans enough to bother giving them their attention or even their ire. "An ant has no quarrel with a boot." I hated it in '98 Godzilla and I still hate it. Something on that scale should not even vaguely bother with one tiny human being, but that's me.

I know I have some very heavy criticisms, but this is still a decent flick if you're just going to shell out for a matinee showing. The monsters are great and entertaining and there's plenty of fighting to go around that is worth a peek, especially the end fight with Ghidorah and Godzilla. It was pretty cool to see in IMAX as well, but I leave that up to you folks if it's worth it.

Kyo out.

[lhs3020b]

After Noon (1)

So here’s a surprise: somehow, I’m writing fiction again.

I somehow seem to have ended up with a sort of Chocky-meets-r/NoSleep story - it’s quite unlike anything I’ve ever put pen-to-paper on before. What I have so far is under the cut.

Synopsis: a very ordinary London family may or may not be dealing with unEarthly forces. Much confusion happens...

(NB: this is in the style of an r/NoSleep story, so it’s written as if it were real, and as if the viewpoint character were posting to an advice forum or some such thing.)

I'll be honest: Chris was a surprise. But, she's the best surprise we've ever had.

Let me back up and introduce myself. I've never posted here before. It feels really weird that I need to. How did this happen? Why did it happen, and why us? Anyway, I'm already digressing.

My name is Jenny. I'm in my early 30s. I live in London with my partner of eight years, Jo. Jo and I have a six-year old daughter called Christina. Christina wasn't planned and I'll be honest, when we found out, we were quite worried at first. But to my (and Jo’s!) considerable surprise, Chris has ended up being the best thing that's ever happened to us. Sure the sleepless nights were rough and there's all the new problems like childcare, finding a decent school and her amazing ability to wreck all the new clothes we buy her. But seeing her smile, or watching her take her first steps, or listening to the first words she said - absolutely nothing compared. When she spoke for the first time, I honestly thought my heart would melt. I just couldn't believe that someone as frankly-useless and flawed as myself had managed to co-create something as wonderful as this - and accidentally, as well!

Now, here is our problem. Either our beautiful precious daughter is extremely-disturbed, or our family has directly-witnessed an alien apocalypse. I don't like either option.

Yes, it sounds mad, doesn’t it? You’ve just read these words and you’re probably wondering what’s wrong with me. You’ll be thinking, who is this Jenny and why she is having her mental episode here, on our website? Believe me, I’ve asked myself all those questions. But some very weird stuff has been going down inside our normal little family home. Some of it could be coincidence, misunderstanding, whatever. But the rest of it? I genuinely-can’t account for some of what’s happened.

Why us? Why our daughter? What were we supposed to do? Could we have done anything? Should we have done anything? I don’t know. Frankly, I’m posting here because I’m near my wits end. My family is a mess, my daughter is in pieces. I’m not sleeping full nights anymore. I don’t know what to do, but I’m hoping maybe some of you might.

Basically, please hear me out. I’m desperate.

You’re probably feeling uneasy already. I don’t blame you. It's all a lot to take in. Let me start from the beginning. Perhaps some context will help make sense of all this.

Perhaps there was a subtle hint of what was to come when she started talking. Chris didn't start with individual words. Instead, the first thing we got from her was a full sentence. I was cooking in the kitchen and she was in her high chair. It was a mid-afternoon in December about four years ago - London being London, the Sun had almost set, so I had the lights on already. I was just about to start boiling an egg when Chris suddenly pointed, and said "It's an egg!"

(Well, actually, what she said sounded more like "Hitsa hegg!", but the meaning was clear enough.)

Needless to say I immediately went into squee mode. Jo got called in and went into squee mode too. Chris loved the attention, though it was another two days before she spoke again. After that, the floodgates opened. Our health visitor said she'd never seen linguistic development this fast. Chris, apparently was very smart. The news sent us over the moon with joy.

And this is where our tale goes into high gear, becuase I'm not so certain that she was as precocious as we were told. Don't get me wrong - our daughter is a special young lady, and a bright one too. But I've got some reason to believe that someone, or something, had helped her along the way a bit.

It was when she turned five that we first met Noon.

'Jenny, it's not unusual,' Jo told me. 'I had an imaginary friend when I was little.'

I blinked. 'You did?' I'd never heard this story. (And here's one unexpected side-effect of having Chris: I was getting to know my partner all over again, better than I did beforehand.)

He nodded. 'Yeah. I had a comfort blanket. I gave it a name and took it everywhere.' He looked a bit embarrassed. 'I think my parents hated it. In hindsight, can't completely blame them, really.'

'But you didn't think it was real ...' I prompted.

He shook his head. 'Not really, no. It was more about having someone to talk to.'

'She's got us to talk to,' I said, maybe a little defensive.

'True,' he said. 'But - look, I'm sure it will be fine. Once she's settled into the new class at primary school.'

I breathed out, feeling myself relax a little. Jo was right. I was being overprotective. Don't judge me too hard - I've never been a parent before, and I'm having to make it up as I go along! A few stumbles were probably inevitable. I'd been worrying too much. Doubtless Jo was right and the Noon business was just a reaction to the recent changes at her school.

Her class had been split up. One of the teachers abruptly quit halfway through the term, under murky circumstances. Plus the school's been having money problems, like too many others across the country. It's inevitable that all this adult-work-chaos stuff would have some impact on the children, as much as everyone tries to shield them from it. Contrary to what many people think, kids aren't stupid. In fact they sometimes see things more clearly then we do, because they don't yet have the layers of cotton-wool self-delusion we pad ourselves out with. When stuff is going down, they'll pick up on it.

But if that was the case, then there was good news too. Once the school situation settled down, we'd stop hearing about Chris's new imaginary friend all the time too.

My relief was to be short-lived. Later that very evening, there was a development.

I was sitting down with Chris in the living room. We'd had dinner. She'd been good and had used her little plastic knife and fork all through the meal. Normally I call it a win if I can even get her to pick them up, let alone neatly cut-and-skewer all her food. But of course we want to reinforce it if she does well, so I was allowing her an extra hour or so with her crayons and drawing stuff, before bed-time.

She was sat on the carpet, cross-legged, looking very serious in that way that small children do sometimes when they know an adult is watching. There was a sheet of paper in front of her. She picked up a red crayon. She then proceeded to draw a red ellipse on the paper. It might have been meant to be a circle, but to be brutally-honest, it looked more like a sort of obese beetroot.

'That's very pretty, dear,' I said.

Apparently I'd picked the right tone of voice (I still don't really have that skill, sadly). She beamed at me. Then she frowned and looked at the other crayons.

'I can't find it, Mummy,' she said.

'You can't find what?' I asked. Now, I almost with I hadn't.

She said, 'I need to draw the other sun, Mummy. But I need a white crayon.'

The other sun? What? I know I must have looked baffled, because suddenly Chris's lip trembled. She always reacts strongly to our moods. Learning to regulate my emotional expression - well, let's be honest, I still trip up on that one.

To cover my confusion, I reached over to her left. The white crayon had rolled over there when we tipped them out of their box. I think she must have missed it. 'Here it is, dear,' I said.

She beamed and took the crayon from me, grasping it in her pudgy little fingers. I breathed a private sigh of relief. Apparently my little slip a moment ago hadn't mattered too much.

Chris frowned at the page. 'It's very small,' she said. She drew a barely-visible white circle with the crayon. 'That's too big. But I can't make it smaller. Small sun.'

'It's lovely, dear,' I said. 'The Sun is usually yellow, though.' (I have a friend, Fiona, who's an astronomer. At this point she would be ranting about how the Sun can't be yellow because sunlight is white light by definition, so this must be yet another popular delusion reiterated uncritically by poor scientific comms, etc. etc. Perhaps it was just as well that Fiona wasn't here with us this evening.)

Chris scowled. 'Not ours,' she said. 'Where Noon is from. They have two suns there.'

Noon was from a place with two suns? That really did throw me for six. Where on earth could Chris have got that idea from? I mean, points for creativity. I wouldn't have thought of that when I was a child! But still, this was some left-field stuff.

'Noon says there are two suns?' I asked.

Chris nodded, enthusiastically. She liked talking about Noon. 'She was telling me about it earlier.'

Noon was a she? That was new too. So far, we'd had no idea about Noon's gender, or even if the concept could be applied. Like Brexit, Noon was Noon, but what that actually meant had been a mystery for none but the elect to know. (Late last night as we lay in bed, Jo had commented to me that you could tell it was 2019 because the cool kids had non-binary imaginary friends. I whacked him with a pillow, though I will admit I did also snigger, just for a moment.)

Chris added, 'And it's always daytime where Noon is.'

You have to cut Chris a little slack. She's very young, so her world-building still has some research errors here and there. But perhaps now was as good a time as any for a little bit of education. I said, 'That's very interesting. Here, we have day and night. Because the Earth spins. Which is why we see the Sun rise and set.'

Chris was apparently ready for this. 'Noon says it used to do that where she is.' The little girl frowned, puckering her lip. 'But Noon says that was a very long time ago. It doesn't do it anymore. It slowed down, and stopped. Now it's daylight on one side. And it's night on the other. All the time.'

There was a pause.

'Noon says that's why she calls herself that. Her breed-group - she says that like a family - live in the middle of the day. So it's always noon where she is.' Chris picked up a black crayon and drew a wobbly horizon-line, below the two suns. 'She says it's not that weird. Our Moon is the same.'

Then she said three words, deliberately, slowly and carefully. Like someone was reciting them to her. And they were three words you don't expect to hear from a small child. 'Tidally-locked rotation.' Then she beamed and laughed, actually bouncing a little. Like she was really pleased that she'd managed to get it all right.

Breed-group? Like the Moon? Tidally-locked? What the hell?

This was starting to get faintly-weird. Chris had clearly put a lot of work into this. Or, someone had primed her with it. I found myself thinking of her school, and all the stuff that was happening there. Perhaps someone had given a weird assembly. Dumped some stuff into the kids' heads, well-meaningly, but before the children were really ready to absorb it? Or - no, wait, I had it! It would have been during one of the gaps in teaching-hours, wouldn't it? It would be just like the school to park the kids in a room with a video somewhere while the adults faffed about. They'd been left watching some sort of sci-fi thing, hadn't they? That was where all this must be coming from!

Carefully, I said, 'It's very nice of Noon to share about her life. I hope she likes it where she is.'

I didn't expect what happened next. Suddenly, Chris burst into tears. And these were proper floods. These were the-neighbour-ran-over-our-dog-and-I-saw-it-all tears. These were serious-business tears. Something was badly wrong.

'Oh honey, what's the matter?' Quickly I gathered her into my arms. She was still clutching the crayons, weeping hysterically. I heard feet thumping along the corridor outside. Jo had heard, and was coming running.

I did my best to soothe the distraught child as her father joined us. He looked at me, questioningly. Quickly I shook my head, mouthing, No love, I have no idea what set this off. I don't know whether he fully-understood what I said, or whether this was just parent-telepathy time. But either way, Jo joined the group-effort that was calming our daughter.

Finally we got Chris settled a little. Her face was still red and puffy but the sobs had softened away and the waterworks had calmed down. I held her - she felt very warm, and very precious - and rocked her from side-to-side. I was verging between deep concern for my daughter and wanting to smack Noon for whatever she'd done - which was completely irrational, given that at that point, I didn't believe that Noon existed.

When we'd settled our little girl enough, I think Jo and I both decided that there'd been enough drawing for one night. She didn't protest as we put the crayons away. Jo fetched her a hot chocolate - her favourite drink - and I dug out the laptop. We have a carefully-curated YouTube cartoons list (believe me, I don't let Chris anywhere near the "something is wrong on the Internet" stuff!) and I put one of her favourites on. We watched it together. Between it, the hot chocolate and maybe a bit of Mum's own-brand cuddles, Chris finally calmed. Soon, she was very tired. It was evident that bedtime was near. The day's drama had exhausted her.

Shortly after, we were tucking her into bed. I sat with her, holding her hand, as she drifted off. I was feeling both worried and relieved. Worried because that eruption earlier had been terrifying. Relieved because at least it was over.

Then something new happened.

Just as she was about to fall asleep, Chris muttered something. 'Noon says the little white one will kill them all.'

[la-paritalienne]

also reply to all the quetions.. 50k words for each one

vfghjklkgk this is quite demanding but quite funny and cute so. 

♡

zinc white; how are you really feeling today? no one-word answers please! — mmm i feel like i’m at the gates of a new life bc i’m truly about to start looking for a job and i guess i’m like… nostalgic for something that i haven’t really left behind yet? i might have ups and downs but i love my life, being ‘free’ all day, talking to my friends, going to the gym whenever etc… it’s kind of scary that everything is about to change, i’ll have real responsibilities and a tight schedule and idk, it’s just going to be different and possibly how the rest of my life could look indefinitely. but i’m also also excited, and also very grateful for what i have, i’m having a very nice night and i love my friends 

cadmium yellow; when you think of the word “happy” what’s the first thing that comes to mind? — bits and pieces of my life. it’s small moments but they mean everything. being on the beach with no worries at all. going to the cinema with my brother to see the new star wars movie, how i’m always about to tear up as it starts. crying happy tears in the metro while going the gym. how i feel when i see my parents at the airport in rome and everything that might weighing me down

lemon; what’s your comfort food? — it has to include lots of melted cheese and possibly carbs, so either pizza or a grilled cheese sandwich basically, but also a parmigiana di melanzane wouldn’t be half bad 

hansa yellow; what’s your guilty pleasure song? — idk if i believe in this concept, especially when it comes to songs… like music is supposed to be music and there’s no guilt in listening to like, ‘lighter’ stuff i guess? like i would say ‘what makes you beautiful’ but that pleasure is so not guilty… maybe atm i kinda feel like that with ‘dove e quando’ by benji e fede but like… it’s a jam so gjggkgkg ok this is a stupid reply, i’m sorry! 

yellow ochre; name an artist/band whom you just discovered & can’t get enough of! — mmmmm just discovered i’m not sure, but quite recently (beginning on this summer) this amazing artist named skott who also has a new song out these days (still need to listen to it) 

naples yellow; where do you feel most at home? — mm… a while ago i would have said here and only here in paris but tbh, my parents’ home in rome also always feels like home, although in a different way, as if i go back to being younger, a slightly different version of myself back there. so yeah, maybe paris would be the number one place, but where my family is, i feel at home, also at the seaside.

raw sienna; with whom do you feel most at home? — myself, my mom, my dad and my brother 

golden ochre; describe the relationship you have with your closest friend. — i have a few very close friends and i love them all a looot, but i’ll choose one in particular for the purposes of this reply, sooo. ummm i love her so much and i want to be there for her no matter what, i think she’s super fun and we have great times together, but we also talk about serious stuff, she’s been there for me through a lot. she’s interesting and cute, but also quite a deep and complex person, which is something i really appreciate and find quite fascinating, like i love being around people like that, i love when they share thoughts / ideas / views of the world that i wouldn’t have come up with myself, i find it enriching. of course i wish she was always happy and serene and that’s not always the case, but who is? and i mean, she’s my friend, i just love the whole package. she is an amazing listener and for that i’ll never stop being grateful, gives amazing advice, has the best stories that often make me crack tf up, great taste in music and in general... and a lot more 

golden deep; what’s your favorite season? — i love summer, but i also like a chilly autumn, especially on a sunny day, with the wind kind of brisk… but not necessarily, rainy days are cool too and idk, autumn is underrated but i love it, i love how cosy it feels, how comforting it feels when the weather sucks and you don’t feel ‘guilty’ for lazying around the house, how sweating at the gym becomes more satisfactory, love layered clothes etc… yay 

cadmium orange; what do you like to do on your days off? — go to the gym, make a meal for myself (i like making big salads with lots of different things in them, especially if some elements require cooking, it feels like a treat to me bc i normally don’t have the time / the energy for actual cooking), indulge in some dessert, a walk by myself or with some friend…

orange lake; do you have anyone you can turn to when you’re sad? — yes, my friends are quite dependable (hope this is the right word?), like maybe not all of them all the time, but there’s always someone willing to listen. + my brother

titans; do you prefer slow mornings or relaxing evenings? — why not both gkgkggkgk but i’m actually more productive in the morning and i don’t really mind starting my day as soon as i wake up, so i’ll go for evenings. 

shakhnazaryan red; are you currently binge-watching anything? — i replied to this one but not right now, the i-land was cool tho! 

red ochre; are you more right-brained (creative) or left-brained (analytical)? — i think i’m a mix of both in a way that like… i’m neither?? i try to be analytical but i’m too emotional and i guess i’m creative but i’m not truly an artist so i really don’t know, maybe from the outside someone could interpret me better? if i think about it, i think i manage to be quite analytical when it comes to others, but as far as i’m personally concerned, i live in fantasy, hypothesis, this sort of nostalgic and ‘artsy’ world of mine, maybe?

burnt sienna; is there a painting that brings you peace when you look at it? — nothing that comes to my mind like that, my favorite artists don’t exactly bring me peace, i like art that’s kind of exciting and often colorful (matisse, kandinsky, picasso, rothko) so i’m not sure, but my parents have the print of a beautiful gaugin painting in their room, and that’s always reminded me of home and calm and it’s also gorgeous, so i generally associate gauguin’s girls to this peaceful, blissful feeling.

english red; what animal do you relate to most? — a house cat. lazy but at times gets the urge to jump around and tire itself just so then they can lay on the sofa with more satisfaction. eating is what makes it get up 90 per cent of the time. cuddlier and more affectionate than it looks

vermilion; what’s your favorite accent? — mmmm i love a british accent but i also love lots of italian accents, especially on my friends, like if i associate it to them i like it even more.

cadmium red; do you have a “type” when it comes to a significant other? — not really, i just want to be loved tbh. i mean of course there’s some personality traits that i always find attractive and i had a gym girl phase but i wouldn’t say i have a type, i’m open to anything 

scarlet; describe your current crush/es. — well she’s gorgeous, talented, an advocate for body positivity, an amazing singer, feminist icon, savvy businesswoman, looks good w any kind of hair, she’s richer than beyoncé and also nicer tbh... she has a makeup brand which i’m obsessed with, a lingerie brand, a (super expensive sadly) clothing brand... the most amazing eyes....... i love her 

ruby; what does your ideal first date look like? — mm nice dinner somewhere cosy and warm but not too noisy so we can talk, ideally there’s no awkward silences and we just talk about ourselves, find out we have some stuff in common, there’s laughter etc. nothing extra, just a nice night with someone i like 

carmine; what does your ideal second date look like? — like the first one but we know each other better so maybe something even chiller like a picnic or a dinner at home??

madder lake red; would you ever kiss someone (or accept a kiss) on a first date? — yeah i mean it depends on the mood, the chemistry, the connection etc. also like if it’s a date w someone i already knew then that’s more likely to happen, if it’s a date that kind of started off like a date... idk, not exactly blind but like we haven’t exactly been friends before, then maybe there’s some pressure and i’m not sure if that would happen, but i wouldn’t say no as a rule.

rose; what’s something really positive going on in your life right now? — a friend of mine from the gym and her daughter (also a friend but i know the mom better) spontaneously offered to help me with my curriculum, to make it look prettier and more appealing. i mean it’s nothing huge and i could mention my friends or my family but i think it’s clear that i love them and that they’re a positive part of my life, so i thought i’d share this little bit of unexpected kindness that i’ve been receiving. 

quinacridone rose; what’s something you’re really looking forward to? — mahmood’s concert!

violet rose; what does your dream house look like? — an airy, luminous apartment in paris, not necessarily huge but bigger than the one i have right now, neatly furnished w the kind of stuff i would reblog on tumblr bc it’s so aesthetic, lots of white, gold and pops of color like dusty pink, peach, yellow. ancient parquet, high ceilings, white walls but maybe not all of them... like some color could be nice but that will depend on how the house is structured. a fireplace w mirror above (classic parisian), huge windows, a balcony big enough for a table where i can have breakfast in the sun and a chaise where i can tan and relax, and a beautiful view. a fancy bathroom with beautiful tiles or a mosaic, a bath tub is mandatory. and i’d like a walk-in closet

violet; is there any place in particular you’d like to settle down? — i think i’ve settled where i like, but who knows!

blue lake; what would you like to do/accomplish before you settle down? — not exactly, like when i realized paris felt like home i thought ‘so maybe i have no idea what i want to do with my life, but at least i know where i wanna be’ so that’s it

cobalt blue spectral; what is the most beautiful place you have ever been to? — probably tunisia, but i’ve recently been to normandy and i feel like i left a piece of my heart there, i feel like it’s going to be a special place for me, where i’ll go back often and make memories, if that makes sense

ultramarine; when was the last time you were in a good mood? do you know/remember what sparked it? — i think last night (when i started replying to this) simply because i was having fun w a friend. i’m not in a bad mood now but it’s like normal, plus i’m talking to my mom bc my grandma broke her foot so there’s stress in the air 

blue; what’s the most recent dream you remember? — ooooh just last night i dreamed that i was babysitting the kids i used to babysit until last year, they had two houses and they were old enough to be alone in one of them as i cleaned the other, which i didn’t have to do tho bc the floor was already wet as if someone had just cleaned it, which made me happy! i then had to wash some dishes but the kids arrived and we started eating leftovers

bright blue; what does your dream family look like? any kids or pets? how many of each? — (mom, dad, brother (2 years younger than me) and luna, fluffy, fat, adorably mean huge cat, she’s 15 but super healthy (except for neurotically licking her own belly so much that she has no hair there -.-), she’s our love) i had read what does your family look like gjgjgffjgfkgkgkgmfmgkk sorryyyy luckily i checked. well then in that case my wife, two kids (ideally the eldest is a girl and then a boy but like gender is a social construct you know) and definitely a cat or two 

blue cobalt; do you like your name? would you give yourself a different name if you could? — i do! no, i don’t think so. sometimes i think about how names are just names and like... we’re people beyond that but at the same time i feel like i am my name, you know? so i’m cool with it and i couldn’t see myself w another 

prussian azure; what’s your favorite scent? — the one that comes out of bakeries, like fresh bread or cakes, so distinctive and warming... mlmlmlml

azure blue; what’s your favorite type of tea, if any? — i love tea in general, but black rose & vanilla tea is my absolute fav

turquoise blue; if you could start a garden, what would you plant? — i don’t have a green thumb, i think, but peonies first of all 

cerulean blue; if you were guaranteed to have a viewership, would you start a youtube vlog? — probably, idk if i’d show my face bc i think i’d feel weird, but maybe after a while if i get comfortable? why not? you get a community who cares about you and most of all the chance to distract / entertain people and maybe even help them through hard times. ...and gifts djgjgkgkkgjk

glauconite; describe your body without using any negative adjectives. — gjgkhkhk a challenge but i appreciate it, i can’t be all words and no facts about body positivity. it’s minute, slightly curvy, decently toned, stronger than it looks, and it’s healthy 

yellow green; picture yourself walking in a field. what do you see & hear in this scenario? — i see a light blue sky, my feet sink in the grass but just a bit, the grass is not extremely high (otherwise i’d freak about there being insects that i can’t notice), on the horizon it looks like a pastel colored painting bc there’s flowers. i hear the birds singing and the sound of a light breeze

green light; are you in a comfortable place in life? if not, what do you think might make it better? — i can’t complain, but a job would be grand (i mean... i don’t really want to work and i don’t think that’s what makes you accomplished as a person, but it’s capitalism baby)

green; name three countries you want to visit; do you have any actual plans in place to visit any of them? — japan, mexico, tanzania. yes for the last one bc i know someone who’s just moved there and she invited me and my mom to go visit. 

emerald green; do you speak any languages besides english? are there any additional languages you want to learn? — italian bc i’m italian and french bc i live in france... sadly no others, but i want to. i’ve always wanted to learn arabic or japanese, but maybe i’ll start w something simpler and more similar to what i know already

oxide of chromium; what’s your favorite book? — i can’t choose one, i have too many that touched my life at the time i read them and made me go like wow, this is my fave. i’ll mention: the red and the black by stendhal, the enchanted mountain by thomas mann, persuasion by jane austen, the remains of the day and never let me go by ishiguro, the trilogy of the city of k by agota kristoff...

olive green; are you currently reading anything? how do you like it so far? — i’ll start a book called sorcières (witches) and i’m curious and excited about it, i’ll let you know

mars brown; what’s a movie that always puts a smile on your face/makes you laugh? — the holy trinity of my happy go to movies: monster in law, mean girls and the devil wears prada

burnt umber; what’s something you plan to do before the day is over to take care of yourself? — going to the gym!

umber; have you drank enough water today? — the day has just started and i’ve had two cups of tea. i try to stick to 2lt per day, but i’ve not been able to do it recently, which i plan to change.

voronezhskaya black; what or who is your go-to outlet for when you need to vent? — ghgkhkgkfkgk i thought for a second this was about a clothing store outlet. normally i try and talk it out w one of my friends, my mom or brother if it’s very serious or not something i wanna burden my friends with, but i also distract myself with some tv show or (yay capitalism -.-) retail therapy 

sepia; name five things that always make you happy. — a nice chat w a friend, an exhausting workout, finding (or being suggested) new music that i immediately feel myself getting obsessed with, saying yes to spontaneous, last minute plans and really enjoying myself although i often have that moment of ‘i don’t want to go’, being sent photos or memes 

indigo; what’s the best/sweetest compliment you have ever received? — probably something that ‘golden ochre’ said to me... but also something that really warms my heart is when my friend eleonora says that i’m the smartest person she knows and like... really means it. i don’t think she’s right, it’s not even about the compliment per se, but that’s she’s so serious when she says it, it makes me happy

payne’s gray; describe your aesthetic? — light grey parisian skies, a pink sunrise over the sea, glittery makeup... glittery everything tbh, notebooks filled w memories - pressed flowers, cinema tickets, photos of places i loved... mermaids, fluffy cats, pastel colors, tiny gold jewelry, a decadent buffet, a bouquet of peonies, huge empty beaches, a walk-in closet filled with incredible clothes, lana del rey x vogue italia june 2019

black; post a selfie because you are so beautiful! — fhgjgkgkg this is the most recent, closest thing i have to a selfie that’s not w some other people. it’s from pride and i was happy of my rainbow eye makeup but it doesn’t even show... sorryyyyy 

thank you for asking all of theseeee ♡

[djddueces]

An Idol in Teal, Chapter 1

Hey guys. I wanted to ask you something. I wrote this years ago, and I’m only just finding it now, nostalgia hitting me, me crying like a little baby (kind of lol). If you have the time to read this, tell me what you think of it, and feedback is greatly appreciated. I am trying to be a journalist, and by writing like this, I think it will help me.  

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“Miku, we’re ready for your mic check,” yelled Luka from backstage. The pink haired beauty trotted over to the audio panel.

“Hai! One sec!” said the teal haired diva. She picked up a microphone and walked onto stage. She looked at the empty seats that would be filled up within the hour. Every time she got up on stage, she felt as if her stomach had butterflies in it. She wanted nothing more than to sing to her heart’s content to her loyal fans.

“Luka, ready when you are!” Miku yelled towards backstage. The microphone made a humming noise, indicating that Luka had heard Miku’s request. Miku took a deep breath and sighed into the microphone.

“Hey Luka, if you can hear me, isn’t this crazy? I mean we’re just two average girls who flew halfway across the world to the most famous city in the world. Actually, forget that. TO THE USA! Who would have ever thought I would be doing some kind of mini World Tour like this. It’s surreal. Also, pardon my language I’m just really happy about all of this! Thinking about my life, it’s been such a roller coaster. I’ve had my ups, my downs, my blackouts, my fights, but most importantly, I’m doing what I love. I couldn’t be happier right now.” Miku sat down on the edge of the stage and standing behind her was Luka, who sat down next to the girl with the pigtails.

“Well, you ARE Hatsune Miku you idiot. Everyone loves you. Seriously, what’s up with that? You know I joined your little “group” just so I could get more famous than you.” She sneered and tilted her head away from Miku, who just snickered in response.

“How is this my fault?” Miku giggled. “You WANTED to join me. If I remember correctly, you were all “MIKU LET ME JOIN AND DO A SONG WITH YOU I CAN PROVE IM A BETTER SINGER THAN YOU!” Man, the tears that were rolling down your face was too funny.” She continued to laugh, which just angered Luka.

“Listen you little shit, you wouldn’t be where you are today, and you owe me!” She scowled at Miku. Miku stared up at the ceiling, as if this was some magical anime moment where something sentimental was about to happen. That or a wind would come out of nowhere and over exaggerate the whole scene.

“You’re absolutely correct. I wouldn’t. Not without you, without Len and Rin, Meiko and Kaito. Even the other Vocaloids like Gumi and IA and Yukari. All of you have taught me so much….” She placed her face into her palms. Tears formed at the edge of her eyes. Thinking about all of this caused her to become emotional, and the only one she could really cry in front of besides her mother, was Luka.

“Miku, please don’t cry.” She wrapped her arms around Miku and stroked her hair.

“Everyone’s moved on with their lives. I mean, I know Gumi and IA are around for me still, and there’s the other up and coming Vocaloids, but I miss the original crew. And soon, how do I know that I you’ll still be around Luka? Everyone else left, so how do I know that you’ll still be around. Why am I even thinking about this right now? I shouldn’t be crying over the past…..” She continued to sob as Luka hugged her.

“This is the life of an idol. It’s the life YOU chose. You have to take the good with the bad, and turn it into something positive. You’re creative, you’re talented, and you’re amazingly perfect in every way Miku.” Luka blushed.

“Are you…trying to hit on me or….?” Miku wiped away her tears and glanced up at Luka, curiously. Her eyes were like kaleidoscopes. They glimmered in the stage light due to the leftover tears still engulfed in her eyes. Luka retaliated and pushed Miku away, her words and face flustered.

“Idiot, what are you saying?!?”

‘I’m saying that you’re hitting on me. Do you want to be lesbian lovers? I mean, I’m cool with that and all, and if we are, I’m glad it’s you.” Miku gave no hesitation in her answer, speaking almost as if it sounded believable.

“MIKU HATSUNE WHAT THE HELL?!”

“I dunno, just a thought.”

“Miku, you know you’re like a sister to me right?”

“Ah, friendzoned, the classic.”

Luka sighed and stood up. “Come back to me when you’ve gotten more mature.”

“NO LUKA DON’T LEAVE ME IN MY TIME OF NEED!” She pounced on Luka like a cat and clinged to her waist.”

“GET OFF OF ME! How do you go from happy, to sad, and now to excited?? You are so weird Miku it’s not even funny…..”

“Heh heh, excited.”

“OH GROW UP BITCH.” She stormed off the stage, returning to her dress up counter backstage. Miku scratched her head and yelled towards the backstage.  

“NO LUKA COME LOVE ME!” but Luka ignored her. “Seriously, I was just trying to cheer myself up.” Miku looked around once more at the empty ballroom. “I never noticed how pretty Hammerstein is. New York City itself is gorgeous, but there are also the people that give me the creeps.” Goosebumps trailed down her shoulders and a she shuddered.

“Luka is right though, I choose the idol life.” She hopped off stage and towards the back entrance of the ballroom, where hundreds of fans would rush into soon to see her perform. She peaked through the little crack in the door to see if the coast was clear to venture around. It was empty. Slowly, she pushed open the door, which creaked slightly. She walked into the hall, where her merchandise stand was still on display.

“I want a hat of me.” She took the hat out of the box behind the counter, and put it on. She proceeded to take out her phone and open the front facing camera.

“Haha, selfie time.” Just as she was about to snap the picture, a tall figure stood behind her.

“What do you think you’re doing?” said the tall figure, his voice deep and intimidating.

“Umm, selfie time?” Said Miku jokingly.

“What’s with the hat?” He pointed to Miku’s head.

“Ummmm, I’m wearing myself? You know I’m Hatsune Miku right??”

“How do I know that?”

“Wanna check my ID?” She searched for her wallet, which she couldn’t find. “Oh damn I must have left it back stage.”

“Uh huh. Come with me missy.” He snatched the hat from her head and threw it back in the box.

“IM SERIOUS! IM HATSUNE MIKU!!” She screamed, but almost immediately covered her hand with her mouth. She didn’t want the crowd outside to hear her. Who knows what would happen if they found out that Hatsune Miku was live and unguarded. The thought made her fear for her life. She loved her fans and all, but with the good also comes that bad, and she didn’t want to meet the bad.

“I’ll give you one chance to prove it. How do I know you’re REALLY Miku?” The tall figure, who was actually one of the bodyguards from the ballroom, folded his hands across his chest and sneered at her.

“Dude, seriously? Wipe that weird look off your face. It’s creeping me out.” She took out her phone again and dialed a number.

“You’re lucky I’m giving you a chance, don’t tempt me lady.” The phone started ringing and a familiar voice was on the other line.

“Hello?” said the familiar voice.

“OH GOOD LUKA! Thank you for picking up!”

“Huh? Miku? What’s going on? Where are you? Did you get yourself into trouble again?

“E GASP LUKA! Why I never! Why would you accuse me on such grounds?”

“Because I KNOW you Miku. You always wander about and do stupid things and then I come bail you out like always.” She sighed and Miku knew she was facepalming by the “smack” noise that she heard on the other line. “What do you need me to do now, Hime-sama Miku??”

“Here’s the story. So I wanted to get my mind off of what we were discussing before. I strolled around and took a look outside. I got curious about my merchandise here and took one of my own hats and baldy here caught me and is accusing me of grand larceny and I need you to come here and prove to him that I’m Hatsune Miku and not some fan with a wig before he throws me in the slammer and makes me clean bathrooms for a living, okay? Okay. Thanks hun. Love you!”

“Baldy?!” said the bodyguard. Miku chuckled nervously.

“Not happening,” said Luka.

“WAIT? EH!? WHY NOT!?” Miku went into a panic frenzy.

“Because you said we were lesbian lovers and I do not approve against some heinous accusations.” She was about to hang up, but Miku’s constant pleas were annoying Luka, and she eventually succumbed to temptation.

“FINE. Holy shit, shuddup!” Luka screamed and Miku had to pull the phone away from her ear since Luka screamed so loud she might blow her eardrum off.

“Heh heh, you’re picking up a New York accent. I think it’s sexy. Rarwl.” She bursted into laughter but there was no one on the other side of the line. Luka had hung up.

“Huh? Hey? Luka? Luuukkkkkaaaa? DON’T LEAVE ME IM TOO YOUNG TO DIE IN PRISON!” Miku got onto her knees and held out her hands. “Take me away coppa I’ve been a bad girl.” He grabbed her arm and picked her up.

“I know that voice anywhere. That’s the real Luka. And you’re the real Miku. I’m sorry for accusing you….” He bowed his head.

“It’s no worries. I just didn’t want to be cooped up in that ballroom. I mean, it’s beautiful and all, but I really want to explore New York City. I’ve been here before in 2014 when I did my first ever show here, but was confined to a very tight schedule filled with guest appearances and photo shoots and I really never got time to spend alone in the city, ya know? Man, guess I’m picking up your accents huh?”

The bodyguard handed Miku her hat back. “But don’t you have a show soon? You can’t disappoint your fans can you?”

“No, I meant after my two shows here. Sadly, I’m departing from here tomorrow morning. I can still spend one more night here. I always wanted to know what a Saturday night in New York City feels like, but since my show lets out late just like in 2014, I don’t think I’ll have time to.” She slouched her shoulders. “Man, I need a vacation.” Interested in her story, the bodyguard walked towards the ballroom doors.

“They’ll be letting people in soon. About an hour right?” He looked at his watch. It’s 12:30. VIP ticket holders are about to enter. And you’re show starts and 1:30, but you have someone else as your opening act, correct?

Miku nodded. “Yeah, Anamanaguchi, so what?”

“Well,” the bodyguard continued, “that means you won’t start until about 2:15-2:30 since your show initially starts at around 1:30. Since concerts never start on time, we’ll say around 1:45. I’d love to hear about your backstory.”

Miku was shocked. Never once has someone been curious about what her childhood was like and all the struggles it took to get here. A small smile crossed her face and she was really happy. She had so much pent up energy and she wanted to rant but no one would ever listen to her.

“But why?” Miku asked curiously.

“Honestly, to kill time,” the bodyguard said straightforwardly.

“Thanks….” Miku said sarcastically.

“Not only that, but I never get to do shows with idols like you. Most here are stuck up and crazy. But you, I can tell you’re not like that, and deep down, you’re caring and have a lot of sympathy for the ones around you. You’re different.” Miku’s smile was obvious now, and she started tearing up again.

“I haven’t heard someone talk about me like that in a long time that’s not named Luka or my mom. Thank you, er, what’s your name?” She looked around for some kind of ID, a nametag specifically, but found nothing.

“You can call me Jasper,” the bodyguard said.

“OOOH, cool name, and you already know mine,” she giggled. Jasper stood up and pointed upstairs. Come on, I know a place where we can chat quietly. Plus, your fans will be entering soon.” Miku nodded and stood up, following Jasper. They walked up the stairs, and down a long hallway, which led to another flight of stairs. Another hallway soon after led to the upper-most level of the ballroom.

“WOAH! I can see my house from here!” Miku said, jokingly. “But wait; won’t fans be coming here also soon??”

“Yes, in about a half an hour, but we’re not staying here, follow me.” At the back of the upper-most level was a small room, which looked to be some kind of mini-bar that was built into the ballroom. “Come, we can talk here.” Without hesitation, Miku continued to follow along. The room was small and comfy. In the middle was a small bar, filled with all kinds of different assortments of drinks, from kid-friendly such as Coca-Cola and Hi-C to hard liquor like Jack Daniels. Miku could sure use a drink right now.

Surrounding the back of the room were couches with coffee tables. To the inner-most part of the room near the entrance, were small dining tables, no larger than the size of a desk. Jasper directed Miku to one of the tables and sat down.

“We should be fine here. We’re out of sight. If someone comes in, they’re gonna have to look pretty hard at you to see who you are unlike if we sat at the other end of the room where we’re exposed and everyone can see easily.”

“I guess you have a point.” Miku eyed the bar, but knew she would have to wait to guzzle anything down until after her show. She didn’t want to be drunk on stage after all.

“So what do you want to know about me? My name is Hatsune Miku, I’m an idol, I sing, I dance, I do commercials. I’m basically like a puppet that can’t cut its strings loose from this industry.” She folded her hands and sat upright. “I understand I choose this lifestyle, but sometimes it can drain me, both physically and emotionally. I need a break, but I’m doing show after show after show. I’m tired man.”

Jasper looked at Miku not with sympathy, but more of curiosity. “So how goes it?”

“How goes what?” Miku said with one eyebrow up.

“How did the famous Hatsune Miku come to be? What motivated her? What got her in the clear? How did she become “Hatsune Miku?” That is your real name right?”

“YES, that IS my name,” she said sarcastically.

“Sorry, but you know how other singers like to change their names for some reason.”

“Yeah dude I know….They’re dumb. I try not to associate myself with people who are don’t even know their own identity.” Jasper let out a hardy laugh.

“For someone who seems to be so nice, you also have anger issues.” Miku kicked him from under the table and pouted.

“So you really want to know all about me? I guess this is some kind of interview, or oral biography.” Miku nodded her head and folded her arms, smiling confidently.

“Well, here goes. The life of me, the most famous idol, HATSUNE MIKU!”