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jethrowest · 5 months

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let me see you stripped down to the bone…

- stripped by depeche mode

congratulations! you’ve been hired as homelander’s entire glam squad! what an opportunity! now let’s try real hard not to let the fumes get to you, okay?

pairing : homelander/afab reader

word count : 5.6k

warnings : homelander in and of himself, toxic workplace environment, something akin to stockholm syndrome, fingering, smut. 18+, mdni

special thanks to @blindmagdalena @sehtoast @homeb0ys and @clockworkzeppelin for letting me scream at you about this!

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Homelander is an asshole.

That doesn’t bother you much. You’ve dealt with plenty in this field, which means you’ve learned how to make life easier for all parties. That particular learning curve includes when to stand out and blend in, at times concurrently depending on what variety of asshole they happen to be.

As a whole, the makeup artists and hairstylists at Vought take care of The Seven and go where they’re needed. And as a cosmetologist, you were hired to provide both services for Homelander and Homelander only, which you consider to be one of the most prestigious stamps one could add to their professional passport.

Before you became official, you were colorfully threatened by a Ms. Ashley Barrett, who, after the fact, had no qualms throwing you into the lion’s den to figure your own shit out.

In no uncertain terms were you told that if you fucked any part of this up, your sparkling resume would look best as something to sit her smooth, bare ass on while getting fucked on top of her desk. No lube or protection. It would then be tossed exactly like her salad.

Not an image you could have ever predicted crossing your mind. Honestly, you should have stopped her right there and walked your happy little ass out of her office toward pastures that might have not been greener (you were being handsomely compensated), but certainly not as toxic. While the red flags were a color you couldn’t quite ignore, you were also curious about why they stood out so much more than they did regarding previous employers.

None of this is to say you live under a rock. Anyone who has access to the internet is ambushed daily by these Supes’ personal lives. Homelander’s track record as far as choice in partners went hadn’t been ideal, so you understand that made him less popular at the time. That of course has nothing to do with you or your capabilities.

You opt to wear gray-colored glasses, seeing everything with a neutral blend of black and white. As much as possible anyway.

Nevertheless, curiosity killed the cat. But hopefully not your career.

The first day was awkward to say the least. Immediately, you knew you weren’t going to like your coworkers.

Glints of sympathy changed how they perceived you. A target, whether they intended for this to happen or not, was nailed to your forehead, and it made them buzz around you like avid, greedy wasps keen on seeing how rapidly the honeybee will be brutalized. You didn’t much care for going cross-eyed while staring at that target whenever you crossed paths. They didn’t know you, yet because of who you were working under, deemed you helpless. They didn’t give you a chance to establish yourself before branding you a victim.

Why should you respect them?

Small talk wasn’t entertained either, as their judgment tarnished any future encounters. They ostracized you once you showed no interest in engaging with them. That didn’t disappoint you. You weren’t here to make friends.

You do wonder how those before you fared: if they were jaded when they arrived or if they couldn’t help but succumb to the pressures of being at the top rung of a very unstable albeit sought after ladder.

Ms. Barrett quickly introduced you to Homelander, her parting gift before leaving the two of you alone.

You weren’t completely nervous in his presence. He wasn’t any different to you than the other celebrities you’d worked on, except he could rip you in half like a piece of paper if he was so inclined. But he’s the hero of this country’s story, so really, you should have nothing to worry about.

His demeanor, you noted, suggested arrogance, annoyance, and boredom. All things you’re used to. So you offered your hand to shake, which he eyed with a slightly upturned nose before grabbing, told him it was a pleasure to meet him and got straight to business.

Looking back, he was clearly expecting more out of you. Maybe not a display as excessive as getting on your knees and professing your undying love, but close enough. Somewhere in the middle, perhaps.

Part of you believes he might have also counted on fear. To you, he’s not anything or anyone unknown. Another big name in a fancy suit with impossible demands.

You were given a routine to follow and products to use. You did as you were instructed and found the process to be simple and, as Homelander’s expression revealed, uninspiring.

While you were utilizing a face brush to apply powder, he must have decided he was done enduring your lack of enthusiasm, because he suddenly asked, “What are you wearing?”

You stopped for a split second, no longer than, and continued. “The name of my clothing designer, you mean?”

He scoffed, waving his gloved hand at you, almost knocking the applicator you held to the ground. “No, your perfume. What are the top notes?”

You laughed and that seemed to confuse him. “Why, you want a bottle?”

“I don’t like it.” He sniffed sharply and cleared his throat. “Smells like you should be on the corner selling your used body parts.”

Ding ding ding. Alarm bells and red flags galore. You enjoy a challenge, however, and are a bit of a masochist, so you persevere.

“Well, what doesn’t smell like a cheap hooker to you? I’ll start wearing that instead.”

He cocked a brow, studying you. Trying to figure out if you were being serious or mocking him.

“It’s your first day.” A warning. “Are you on your best behavior, or can you do better?” He leaned forward in his chair, forcing you backward. “You should be working harder to prove yourself. Prove your worth.” He sat back again and shrugged. “Or maybe you really are worth as much as that dumpster juice you doused yourself in.”

At this point, he more than likely envisioned your happy little ass getting offended and storming out of the room. Breaking down, sobbing. Questioning why he was being so rude. One of those or, better yet, a nifty combination.

You’ve heard worse, unfortunately for him. Not always directed at you, but that doesn’t matter. You can handle it.

“You’re absolutely right,” you stated calmly, folding your arms across your chest. He looked at you with pretentious, petulant intrigue. “It is my first day, and I want to make a good impression. Which is why I’m asking you what you would like me to wear so I can continue to keep that good impression intact and, as our professional relationship develops, stay on top of it.”

Homelander’s mouth twitched. He sighed deeply and slouched in his seat, staring at the wall to the left of him. Then he deigned to cast his gaze back at you, resting his cheek on his index and middle finger. He tapped the arm rest with his other hand.

“Ugh, fine. Whatever.” A pause followed that lasted longer than necessary. Were you meant to guess? “Just wear something, I dunno, less. If you would have done your homework like a good little peon, you’d know I have super senses. Highly developed. Can you even imagine what that entails?”

Finally, he freed the canvas you were nearly finished with, and you flicked the soft bristles across the bridge of his nose. You smiled, more to yourself than him.

Felt rather on the nose, as the saying goes.

He didn’t comment on your grin. You didn’t give him time to. But he did huff like you were being obtuse on purpose.

“I can try. And my imagination is giving me some less-than-ideal scenarios,” you replied. Another pause. At least he was letting you do your job again.

You don’t know what compelled you to keep going, but something about his lack of a real answer made you carry on. “Do you have a favorite flower or baked good? Maybe a spice?”

Homelander almost glared up at you. You say almost because, for whatever reason, it didn’t seem like he was directing that harshness at you, though former words and actions proved otherwise. Something inside, perhaps. Or outside of this enclosed space.

“I already told you what to wear. Don’t make me repeat myself.”

You took the hint and remained quiet the rest of your session. Soon, you were done.

As you were packing and tidying up your station, he took it upon himself to stand behind you. He lingered over your shoulder, watching the scene play out like he was director and star and you were barely an ant on the sidewalk he acknowledged before squashing.

The heat radiating off of him was impossible to dismiss, a wall of it barricading your backside. He clasped his fingers underneath his cape and inched closer. You thought he was as close to you as he could get without touching you. He was that warm.

When you glanced up, he was staring at you through the mirror. As absurd as it was, you managed to get chills. Goosebumps broke the surface of your skin.

“Fresh chocolate chip cookies. Straight out of the oven. Like mom used to make.” He flashed an unnerving smile before turning to exit.

From there on out, even after you bent to his will and found a gourmand scent that matched what he described, Homelander tested you. Your work ethic, clothing choice, eating habits, and most of all, patience.

Your parents would ask how you were liking your job, how it was working alongside the Supes- not to mention the most famous of all- and you’d lie through your teeth. You felt you had no choice, Ashley’s threat ringing in your ears.

Resume, bare ass, tossed salad...

Oh yeah, it’s going great! They’re all super flexible. I couldn’t be happier!

At least that pun made you feel a little better about hiding the shame of what you’ve allowed yourself to take on.

This was all in the first few weeks. It started to get a little easier after that, which is surprising considering more was added to your to-do list.

You should have moved on before starting. But, for whatever asinine reason, you didn’t.

Every time you go back to your apartment and assess your appearance in the bathroom mirror, you wonder who’s making who up here. He’s changing your looks more than you are his. You’re like his human doll.

You’ve put up with a lot over the years, but this takes the cake and shoves it in your face. As fucked as it is, the flavor is growing on you. Like a fungus. Growing, nonetheless.

You can’t stop thinking about him.

It’s innocent enough, you try convincing yourself. Making sure you have the right outfit laid out the night before, the right lunch (no onions or fish or anything “freaky”!), etc. He is your superior, after all. You shouldn’t be viewing him in any other light.

He’s the most frustrating aspect of your existence these days, but he’s also the one you’re around the most. His penchant for workplace gossip and how unintentionally funny he is tends to make him palatable, which has regrettably become an understatement.

Months go by. You’ve witnessed how alone he truly is. How he has nothing outside of performing his tricks on Vought’s all-encompassing stage. And when he begins asking for your input, starts doing things for you that are so blatant it’s perplexing, you find your stress and vexation melting into cumbersome fascination.

It’s embarrassing. You don’t have the courtesy of enough time to dwell on your feelings toward the situation either, from beginning to whatever end you might be met with. You suppose that could be beneficial in the long run.

It also hits you when you least expect it; when you really don’t want it to.

Your body doesn’t wait until you finally have a moment alone. It decides, while you’re helping Homelander with his skincare routine that he insisted upon because you know more than these vacuous corporate douche-bags, to heat up without warning and slither from your head to your heart until it grasps you unfairly between your legs.

You try not to step into momentary paralysis. You understand to what extent his powers reach. It’s not like he doesn’t go on and on about them. About himself.

Whatever he notices, it’s not right away. A palpable tension fills the air between the two of you eventually. But it takes a more significant amount of time than you would have anticipated to permeate the natural flow of things.

Fuck, you can’t even be safe inside here, where your thoughts, whatever they may be, are yours. You can’t even have yourself. He has every part of you, and you are willingly relinquishing that control.

Your evening, once you can have it, consists of combing over every decision you’ve made leading up to this strange, disorienting space you find yourself occupying. All it does is leave you exasperated in a much different way than before and with an unsettling observation (or hallucination):

Was that the tail end of the American flag outside your window?

You are unacceptably late.

Rushing around, you throw on the first top and bottoms you see from your closet and spritz some perfume on your neck and wrists. You don’t check your phone. You’re afraid of what will pop up on your screen. And, frankly, you don’t have the time.

Your only option for transportation is the subway, as you’re sure the special vehicle from Vought is long gone. Why would they wait for someone like you, even if you’re practically Homelander’s personal assistant? One of his only friends. You doubt he has more than Black Noir, and that isn’t as perfect as it appears to the casual viewer.

You dread what kind of explosion you’re without a doubt walking into once you show your miserable ass up. You’re going to smell like everyone on this train. He’s going to go ballistic.

The question remains: why are you continuing to put yourself through this? It’s not your circus, yet somehow, the monkeys have become your liability.

You know, deep down, what keeps you going back. It’s simply too ridiculous to admit aloud.

Making your way past security, hurriedly presenting your badge, you realize you forgot to brush your teeth, or at the very least, gargle some mouthwash. You thank your lucky stars when you open your purse to a pack of gum tucked away in one of the compartments.

It will have to do.

When you open the door to Homelander’s dressing room, you see a couple of employees standing near the counter where the bag of supplies has been opened and rifled through, looking like they might soil themselves, a frantic Ashley, and an extremely pissed off Homelander in the middle of it all.

Reflexively, you cringe. You attempt to wipe any trace from your features, but it’s too late. Ashley is glaring daggers at you and Homelander can hardly bring himself to look in your direction. The others don’t matter to you. They never did.

“I’m so sorry I’m late. I know there’s no excuse-”

“You’re goddamned right, there’s no excuse! I don’t give a shit if god and his whole fucking choir of angels came down from heaven and divinely called you to give them a makeover! What were you thinking?!”

You’re about to answer, though you comprehend her query is more or less rhetorical. She interrupts your slightly open mouth while gesturing wildly, proving your point.

“Oh, that’s right! You weren’t thinking at all, were you?! But I do believe you’ve thought long and hard about what’s at stake here. And you know damn well we at Vought don’t tolerate this kind of sloppy behavior. Not to mention the way you’re dressed! It’s adding insult to injury!” Her hand swipes at the air, the length of your outfit, and you glance down, recognizing how comically mismatched you are. Her correct observation affects you more than it would have months prior, stinging your ego- one of the many things that’s been shelved in order to accommodate the person who won’t even grace you with a glance.

A dramatic groan cuts short any further commentary from the redhead, perpetually stretched thin between her absurd duties.

“Jesus Christ, Ashley, why are your big fucking horse gums still flapping?” Homelander’s booming voice slices through your mind like a jarring, dense migraine. He pinches his brow between middle finger and thumb, eyes closed. “I want you and Tweedledee and Tweedledum t’get the fuck out. Now.”

Ashley is plainly dumbfounded, struggling to see where she went wrong (a pattern when it comes to dealing with the volatile leader of The Seven), mouth agape. She shakes her head. “But sir, are you-?”

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about or doing. Clearly.”

Ms. Barrett turns a shade paler, staring at Homelander and blinking owlishly before snapping herself out of her stupor. She hurries her lackeys out of the room, shooing them along like a pair of misbehaving toddlers. She doesn’t give a final look, no further warning. She merely shuts the door behind her.

You also hear it lock.

What the hell does she think is going to happen?

You should have stopped this while you had the chance. You should have never taken this job. You should have stood up for yourself and walked out. You should have you should have you should-

“Who the fuck do you think you are?”

His caustic tone sends shivers down your spine. It’s unlike anything you’ve heard come out of him. And you’ve heard enough.

Again, you open your mouth. It fills with blood, thick and metallic and more potent than the mint from your gum. You’re silenced by it.

He stalks toward you and grabs you hastily by the shoulders, swiveling you around so you’re face-to-face with the choices you’ve made. Your mirrored image is reflected back at you, exhausted and searching for any last shred of who you might be beneath his heavy palms.

“Look at yourself! Do you even recognize who’s staring back at you?” No.

“What kind of game are you playing, hmmm? Is this… humiliating spectacle you’re putting on for the money? Your pathetic career? Like it’s goddamned rocket science to pick up a can of hairspray and use it. Monkeys have hands.” He makes a noise that’s akin to a snorting horse, exhaling forcefully past his nostrils. “I mean, did you really think you could pull a fast one on me?” He clutches your jaw, squeezing it between middle and thumb. Every muscle in your body tenses, your heart picking up rhythm.

“Spit that fucking gum out. Don’t think I can’t hear you grinding it between your molars like a dumb animal. You aren’t a mama bird, are you? Y’don’t have cute little baby birds t’force-feed your regurgitated leftovers, do you? Eugh, gross.”

You take a deep breath and exhale through your nose. It presents you with a false sense of security. You do as you’re told, and it lands on the floor in front of your shoe, saliva dangling on a thread as withered as your sanity.

Suddenly fresh breath seems like the most insignificant issue, when Homelander himself once made it out to be something earth-shattering.

You’re such a fool.

He leans in and sniffs your throat. Your fingers lengthen and bend.

You’re so many things at once. Confused, angry, nervous, scared. And, to your dismay, warm. God you’re so fucking warm. He’s heating you up from the inside out. You clench your jaw, still held in place by a firm bind.

“Get rid of those ugly clothes. I don’t care what you have to do. I can’t stand the sight or smell of them.”

You shut your eyes. When you open them, all you see is red. The other emotions are smothered in favor of that brand of heat. What happens next is a blur. You temporarily leave yourself.

“Fine. Have it your way, Homelander. You always do.”

Breaking free of his fluctuating hold, you start tearing at what you’re wearing, tossing everything- including your bra and underwear- to the ground. Your shirt winds up with the gum sticking to its loose fabric. You even take your shoes and socks off, not paying any heed to where your belongings go. Just that they’re gone.

You don’t process the glaring fact that you made yourself naked in front of your boss. In front of the most powerful man this country, and possibly world, has known. You don’t care that things have escalated this far. That they shouldn’t have. They shouldn’t have. But guess what? They did. And these are the consequences you both have to deal with.

“You wanna know what game I’m playing?” You turn around, forcing him backward. “It’s funny, I thought you’d be able to answer that for me, considering all the hoops I’ve had to jump through to not only save my ass, but make sure you had someone to talk to at the end of the day! Who on your team can you say goes above and beyond like that for you?!” He blinks at you now, eyes wide. Features fall to the floor where your clothes reside. You have his full and undivided attention.

An impressively dangerous thing to have.

“What more do you want from me, Homelander? I practically live with you without any of the benefits that usually includes! You’re really going to stand here and berate me like I haven’t given you fucking everything you’ve ever asked me for? Because I made one mistake? I gave up my entire world, which I know doesn’t mean shit to you. But it does to me.”

You fold your arms over your chest. Nothing covers it. You have to know before you lose all dignity. So you ask once more, hoping it won’t get lost in this bizarre mess.

“What do you want from me?”

Nothing. He can’t stop staring at you. You aren’t aware enough to be ashamed, but you are aware enough to be upset.

His infuriating silence compels you to bend down and gather what was a barrier between the two of you. You are no longer needed if he can’t do what he does best, which is spout off, leaking bottled words everywhere like a broken faucet. It’s a pretty simple question, you think.

That’s when the glass behind you shatters.

You flinch, pause what you’re doing and slowly stand. Cautious in whatever your next approach will be.

Surveying the aftermath, you’re relieved to find that you’re far enough away from the mirror so no injuries were inflicted.

When you finally lock eyes with the source, you see red. The atmosphere surrounding you heaves like the distended belly of a rotting corpse; hisses like an overflowing tea kettle; pierces you like lightning.

Homelander’s expression is rigid. His jaw quivers. Irises are a bright, shining scarlet. If you try anything rash, you might be next. But, having been around him for so long, you’re more inclined to believe he’s having trouble processing his own emotions. And that might have been one of the only ways to release them.

You drop the top and pants you managed to reclaim. Your brain hasn’t fully recovered from the constant devastating hit it’s taken, so you don’t want to put a name to what’s pushing you forward. You don’t stop until you’re directly in his line of vision.

Swallowing, you carefully extend your hand. The ruby color begins to crumble and give way to the vast ocean you might have drowned in one too many times. You lost track, blocking what you could out. Too real and intimate to accept for a realm that thrives off of inauthenticity and misfortune.

Homelander inhales harshly and you retreat, pupils hooking themselves to his. Searching for any sign you shouldn’t be right where you are.

Of course there are several; unfortunately, you are currently blind to them. Blind to everything but him.

That’s how it’s been for awhile, hasn’t it?

He has a habit of not granting you the luxury of time.

Quickly, he snatches your wrist and brings your palm flat against his cheek. He exhales, eyelids fluttering, nuzzling into you.

It’s so simple, yet it disarms you in ways you aren’t accustomed to.

Homelander basks in this chaste display of affection, and so do you, in awe of how enraptured he appears. Soaking you inside of his pores.

In turn, your cognizance reappears. You nearly topple over, realization infiltrating every part of you.

You’re not wearing a stitch.

A knock at the door startles you both. You glance over in that general direction and hear from the other side, “You’re on in fifteen, Homelander, sir!”

Gazing back up at him, you witness that same fire expand at a rapid rate. You use your other hand to bring him back down to reality, to ground him. It rests against his chest, delving into and cracking his ribs, flaying him open.

What strikes you is how vigorously his heart is beating. How you can feel it through his uniform.

This is how much you affect him. (Can you fathom that you’re only privy to a fraction?) Having evidence of the tiniest reciprocation drains you of any unwanted discomfort.

His fury subsides. You breathe out. He does, too.

“Go sit in your chair. I came here to do my job, after all.” The tenderness with which you speak seems to ease him further, his shoulders deflating with each word.

That aside, you’re playing with a lit match. You’re unsure who’s going to set who ablaze, but you’re willing to go down with this entire building to find out.

He does as he’s told, watching you the whole way like a mutilated mixture of a snarling cornered animal and a man fervently in love. He almost trips into his seat, not an ounce of grace in his gait.

Sacrificing his entire image just to get a glimpse of you.

Whipping his cape to the side, he sinks into the cushion. You get things ready as you typically do, your movements a bit jittery from the adrenaline sending haphazard jolts to your limbs. Despite this, you’re focused. You are more focused than you remember ever being.

You work efficiently, keeping in mind the limit that’s been put on your time.

Homelander bores holes through you. He doesn’t need lasers for that. You’re exposed and vulnerable and he pries what he fostered apart until it’s distinguishable by no one else but him.

You relearn his perfectly manufactured features. Different lights shape shadows you either haven’t seen before or feigned ignorance of. You commit to memory how he looks, smells, feels, the side of your hand grazing his cheek and hanging on.

He’s invigorating, your excitement building to a crescendo you can’t neglect. The heat in your core disperses, most of it congregating low in your belly and behind your expanding rib cage. His pupils drink you in, urgently and violently.

Your arousal is heady. He licks his lips. A hint of a whine caresses your ears and it makes you dizzy.

How could you have ever denied yourself?

You decide to take further control, testing the waters to a greater extent.

It’s your turn to watch him the whole way down. You straddle him, easing yourself atop his taut thighs.

After a few moments of humoring yourself, of pretending to concentrate on your work, dusting his nose with powder, you straighten. Eye contact has not been severed.

You motion toward his hands, balled into tense, repressed fists at his sides.

“Take off your gloves.”

Initially, it feels like maybe you said the wrong thing, or said it the wrong way. He doesn’t budge. You’re patient, however, so you wait like you’ve always done, the warmth from your cunt mingling with the hardness beneath you. Your mouth waters.

At last, Homelander nods and removes his gloves, tugging on the index of each. He places them on the armrests and transfixes himself to you once more.

“Do you want to touch me?” you ask, voice and body staying impossibly still in spite of your nerves.

Immediately, he shakes his head, “Yes,” the first time he’s spoken since your outburst, and without hesitation, reaches for your chest. You close your eyes, falling into his snooping lifts and tugs and squeezes, giving yourself permission to become possessed by the inhibited imaginations of how selfish, how rapacious his touches might be. How smooth his bare hands are, how ardent each digit is.

Leaning into you, he sucks one nipple into his mouth and palms the other, moaning and vibrating against your flesh. He digs his fingers into the pliant softness of your hip, steadying you with disciplined pressure. You squirm, attuned to every minuscule shift.

The lit match is tilted toward you now, swift and stunning. Your fingers release the brush you’ve been holding. It aligns with the slit of the cushion, forgotten and purposeless.

You wrap your digits around the hand on your curves and guide him toward your throbbing center. He doesn’t fight you. Doesn’t stop your movements. Doesn’t scold or challenge you. Instead, he curls his fingers in a way that makes you unabashedly moan, cupping your folds and pinning his thumb to your clit, adapting to your anatomy.

Your wants.

It seems like breaking away from you is a daunting task, but he does for a moment, brow furrowed, more engrossed and invested than you’ve ever witnessed.

“Fuck.” The curse sounds downright edible, your new favorite flavor. Your name tumbles from his lips like he’s been practicing, a sweet, rich icing on top. You gasp, his tongue adhering to you again, swirling around your peak before lightly biting it.

Rocking your hips back and forth, side-to-side, you grind hard into his palm. He strokes you like he’s studied what pace you prefer, how much friction you crave. You’re so wet, even you’re thrown off by it.

Once he’s finished with your chest, he’s back against the seat, unable to peel his gaze from you. Your full, swollen, glistening breasts.

His mouth hangs open, obscene, desperate whimpers slipping from it. Pupils are like whirlpools that drive you under. Drive you mad.

Homelander adeptly slips two, three digits inside your sopping cunt, unrelenting in his intentions to make up for lost time. The voracity of his actions propels you forward, balancing against his chest. He grasps and pulls at your other hip, groaning loudly in your ear, confirming his approval of how close you are to him.

It’s still not enough.

Pulling you even tighter to his blinding sun of a body, he encloses his free arm around you and desperately bucks his waist. “I want… I want… I want…” he chants. Your nails drag up his neck and along his scalp, overwhelmed by his warmth, his scent, him. Your lips ghost the sliver of skin above his collar, making him growl.

You anticipate and dread and yearn for what’s been building for so long. You clench and release, clench and release, clench and release, body chanting with him.

You’re intuitively thankful for the chair’s sturdiness; however, if it would have collapsed, you’re honestly not sure you would have noticed. Or cared.

You hear him come first. Feel the temperature rise temporarily. It’s so sudden and all-consuming that you naturally follow, his name an instinct you can’t help but divulge. You haven’t come down from the turbulent emotions rushing through you earlier, and that combination catapults you over the edge.

Your orgasm draws more deliberate, vehement grunts and sighs of satisfaction from him, as if your pleasure is inexplicably the same or worth more than his.

You can’t crumple into a boneless heap like you want to. You just can’t. You have to look at him. Look at his bliss; the glazed, barren-yet-so-full-of-you expression, of what these months of working in close quarters have done to him.

What you uncover is not what you were picturing. There’s a mixture of that haze with something almost apologetic below the teeming surface. Clouds of red to skies of blue. Destructive in and of themselves.

Sliding his fingers from your wetness, he wraps his lips around each one that was inside of you and spreads them apart. Your slick sticks to his glossy skin and stretches between digits, a generous amount. You whimper at the loss- the emptying, hollow feeling- and watch, mesmerized and delirious as he savors you.

Swallowing you whole, Homelander sweeps his knuckles across the apple of your cheek and presses his lips hard against yours. He wastes no time inhaling your gasps and moans, licking your mouth and the faint taste of mint, stealing it from you. You ingest what you can of him as well, exploring what was open to you longer than you realized.

He then seizes your wrists. It’s a rough gesture that evaporates into gentle circles along your pulse points. Still, you know you’re going to bruise where he turned the key and locked you into place: wherever he is.

A visible sheen coats his lips.

“I want you to tell me I’m good. Great. The best.”

His breathing is labored. So is yours.

He kisses the inside of the wrist smeared with perfume, your fluids, his saliva; ends with your hand and rests his cheek against the slope of it.

“I want you to be mine. All mine. Mine alone.”

You’re shaking. He moves forward and pets your hair, twirls it; grabs your nape and holds his thumb to the front of your throat. Securing you. Keeping you there.

“You have to stay. Be mine and stay.”

You thrum with an ache he forced upon you. He’ll claim you were starving and he was the only one who could satiate.

You nod. You were never going to leave to begin with.

Homelander made you his. And you thanked him for it.

#homelander #homelander x reader #the boys #antony starr #my writing #let me see you stripped down to the bone #oneshot #god it feels so good getting this out #i’ve been going through a painful writer’s block so 🥹#thank you everyone who helped and anyone who reads #this is my first full-fledged homelander fic so i’m a bit nervous but! very excited 🖤#love you all 🥰

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firehose118 · 26 days

Text

They go back to Miceli’s for their six month anniversary.

It’s stupid to celebrate something like that, Buck knows, but every day he’s spent with Tommy has felt like a gift. He wants to make up for that first date, when he threw their newly sprouting relationship away the moment he got spooked by someone else knowing about it. By someone knowing about him. He wants to show Tommy how far he’s come. He wants to show Tommy how committed he is.

Buck had made the reservation online two weeks ago. He’d called this morning, as soon as they opened, to see if he could reserve the same table they’d sat at last time.

“We don’t usually reserve specific tables,” the person on the other line had said.

But by the time Buck had finished explaining why, exactly, it was so important for them to sit at this table on this day at this time—sparing no agonizing detail about just how much of an idiot he’d made of himself, and how the first time Tommy kissed him it made Buck understand himself for the first time in his life, so please he really needs to do this for him—the person said they’d see what they could do; their words coming through the speaker with an audible smile.

Buck looks at himself in the mirror while he waits for Tommy to pick him up. He looks so different from the person who stared back at him all those months ago, in a moment just like this, waiting for Tommy to pick him up for their first date. His hair had been shorter, his sideburns longer, his clothes tighter.

He’d been nervous. He’d been so fucking nervous. He’d looked in the mirror and seen someone about to go on a date with a man. He’d seen someone who was struggling with the idea that he liked men, period, and apparently always had. He’d seen someone about to try something he didn’t think should feel as new as it did, and terrified of what it meant. Of how long he hadn’t known he’d wanted it. Of what it meant about himself if he wasn’t comfortable with wanting it. He’d looked in the mirror and seen someone who’d always been an outspoken ally, who was now terrified of someone else looking at him and seeing that he liked men.

But that was April. Now, it’s October. The winds have shifted and the air is cooler and Buck is bisexual. He knows who he is now. He’s not scared of what loving Tommy means anymore.

He takes a steadying breath and checks himself over one more time in the mirror. He’s cleanshaven almost to the top of his ear—just to the spot where Tommy rests his thumb and strokes back and forth when he cups Buck’s cheek while they kiss—and his curls are laying perfectly tonight. There’s a boyishness that’s come back to him with this haircut; a physical lightness that accompanies the joy that Tommy brings him. He looks happy. He looks good.

More than anything, he knows Tommy will think he looks good. Tommy likes his curls, likes him cleanshaven. He likes to pinch his smooth cheeks and pull his hair deliciously and tell him he loves him. Tommy thinks he’s adorable. Miceli’s is the first place he told him as much, even if the circumstances weren’t ideal. It still makes Buck’s heart flutter every time Tommy says it.

It’s kind of embarrassing, Buck thinks, how much better he feels about himself now that he’s with Tommy. It’s like a weight has been lifted off his chest. Part of it is understanding that he’s bi, sure. That’d been an itch he’d been scratching at until he bled for years without figuring out it was there. He’d simply registered it as a baseline discomfort with how he fit into the world. The source of that, once illuminated, felt so obvious and undeniable. The discomfort melted away once he understood the full truth of himself. Once Tommy showed him.

But it’s more than that. It’s not that Tommy is a man: it’s that he’s Tommy. It’s the way Tommy makes Buck feel. His whole life, Buck has felt like he was hard to love. He was too much. He wasn’t enough. He was wrong. He was a failure.

A lot of that was his parents. A lot of it was not understanding why Maddie wouldn’t run away with him. A lot of it was not knowing who he was or what he wanted—and so not knowing how to ask to be loved correctly. It was clinging onto Abby past the relationship’s obvious expiration date. It was Ali leaving him mid-recovery because dating a firefighter was too much. It was trying to start something real with Taylor when they were so much better off as friends-with-occasional-benefits. It was being so certain that Natalia saw him for who he was, and realizing she only saw a three-minute-seventeen-second moment of him. No one wanted to keep him long-term, or if they did they wanted a specific version of him that he couldn’t be.

But Tommy came into his life. He saw Buck at some of his worst moments almost right away, and he still wanted to get to know Buck better. He saw Buck injure Eddie in a fit of jealous rage, and rather than leaving the two of them to deal with whatever that was among themselves, Tommy kissed him. Tommy asked him out. Tommy took him to Miceli’s and opened up about his past. He tried to calm Buck’s nerves. He said it wasn’t Buck’s fault if Buck wasn’t ready for what Tommy wanted from him. He gave Buck a second chance. He saw Buck in full clipboard glory and didn’t bat an eye. He showed up to a hospital wedding in dirty turnouts, exhausted, just because Buck asked him to. He apologized for being late.

He made sure Buck knew he wasn’t too much. He made sure Buck knew he was enough. He looked at every one of Buck’s flaws and faults and told Buck in no uncertain terms that he loved him—not loved him anyway, not loved him in spite of those things, just loved him. Like it was that easy.

And Buck has blossomed with Tommy’s love and attention. It feels dumb to say that about himself, but he has to admit it’s true. Buck feels calmer, more sure of himself than he ever has—not in that cocky 1.0 way, but in a steady, relaxed, stable way. Buck knows who he is now. He doesn’t have anything to prove anymore. He feels settled. At ease.

And so, so grateful for Tommy.

Tommy knocks on the door to the loft before letting himself in. It’s a habit that Buck can’t break him of. He insists it’s polite, so that Buck gets some warning before suddenly there’s someone else in his apartment. Buck thinks that’s sweet, has told him a thousand times that he doesn’t mind when Eddie just appears so why would this be different, but Tommy still does it. It’s gentlemanly. Buck hopes after tonight Tommy will understand just how much Buck wants Tommy to just be in his space.

Buck emerges from the downstairs bathroom just as Tommy is closing the front door.

“Hey,” Tommy says in that sing-song way of his. If Buck were to spell it out, it would have three Ys at least. And a few music notes—just for accuracy.

“Hey,” Buck says back, breathless. “You look… wow.”

Tommy is wearing the same shirt he wore on their first date. The black button-up is a favorite of Buck’s, and Tommy knows it. It makes him look big and broad and soft at the same time. It makes Buck want to snuggle into his chest. It makes Buck want to cancel their reservations.

Other than the shirt, Tommy looks different now than he looked six months ago, too. He’s stopped using quite so much product in his hair—inspired by Buck to also let his curls have a fighting chance—and he just looks… softer. He looks more like he did when Buck asked him to be his date to Maddie’s wedding, or when he came over for dinner after Bobby woke up from his coma. He’s not sharp angles and a harsh haircut. He looks relaxed in the same way that Buck feels. He looks confident in himself not as someone who can get the guy—not as someone impressive—but as someone who has the guy he wants, and who trusts that the guy is happy with him just the way he is.

Buck is happy. He’s very happy.

“You’re not looking too bad yourself,” Tommy says, fitting his hands on the tops of Buck’s hips and rubbing his thumbs back and forth. He smiles as he leans in close. “You got a hot date tonight or something?”

Even six months in, Buck still has such a huge crush on Tommy that he goes a little stupid sometimes. He blushes like this is the first time Tommy has played with him like this.

“Yeah,” Buck says. He wraps his arms around Tommy and squeezes once, just to feel him.“The hottest.” It’s not his best line but it works.

Tommy makes a noise of intrigue and scrunches his nose. “Anyone I know?”

“Probably not. He’s just some guy my brother-in-law knew back in the day.”

Tommy laughs and finally closes the distance between their lips. He kisses Buck soundly, sweetly; letting his love flow from his body into Buck’s. Or at least that’s how it feels.

“You ready to go?” Tommy asks when he pulls back, a sparkle in his eye.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

The drive over is peaceful. There’s shockingly little traffic for a Friday night in a touristy part of town, and Tommy holds his hand over the center console the whole time. That’s not unusual: Tommy always does that. What’s unusual is getting a parking spot so quickly on a block so close to the Chinese Theater—it’s why they’d Ubered last time.

Buck won’t jinx it by saying it feels like a sign. So he doesn’t say it.

Miceli’s held their table. Buck won’t say that feels like a sign either.

They order the same veggie pizza and salad as last time, but instead of the same pitcher of light beer, they order wine. Unlike on their first date, Tommy isn’t afraid to come off as a beer snob anymore. Buck already knows he is.

“Can I be honest, Evan?” Tommy says when Buck suggests a full recreation of their first meal; beer pitchers and all. “The worst part of that date wasn’t you no-homoing me in front of Eddie. It was that beer.”

Their conversation over dinner is more normal than Buck expected for an anniversary. It’s nice, relaxing. It feels natural. Tommy tells him about the high rise rescue he did today—run of the mill stuff, really, he insists it’s not that cool—and Buck tells him about the history of winemaking in Sicily, and how the volcanic soil adds a different flavor to the grapes that grow in it, and Mt Etna smokes all the time but people still live near it, and millions of people also still live in the shadow of Mt Vesuvius, and how pizza was first created in Naples, and did you know that margherita pizza isn’t really called that because Queen Margherita liked it even though that’s what people say and that actually the story was made up like fifty years after she allegedly went to Naples and tried it, so it’s just a marketing ploy?

Tommy didn’t know that—any of that—but he looks so fond as Buck tells him that Buck finally works up the nerve to ask him the thing he brought Tommy here to ask.

“So,” Buck says, once they’ve had two slices each. “I wanted to talk to you about something, and I figured this would be the best place to do it.”

He wasn’t nervous before, but he’s nervous now. He thinks he knows what the answer will be, but he’s never done this for the right reasons before. He doesn’t want Tommy to think he’s moving too fast. They haven’t been dating long, but it’s been so transformative. Buck is sure he wants this.

Tommy looks at him with mild concern, so he must look as nervous as he feels. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes!” Buck says, eyes going wide. He reaches across the table to hold Tommy’s hand. “Yes, everything is- is great, sorry. That’s what I wanted to ask you about. These last six months have been amazing. You’ve been amazing. Sometimes I still can’t believe- like I wake up next to you in the morning and I can’t believe it’s real. I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to- to- for you to want me in your space like that. So I’ve been thinking, um, well, I-I’ve been wondering. What- what do you think about- I mean, I know it’s too soon, maybe, but it feels right and I- I’ve never really done this right in the past, and this is a-actually the longest I’ve taken to do this with someone, so maybe that’s a good sign? You don’t think it’s too soon, do you? It’s just that my lease is up soon and I- I have to make a decision and I just thought, well, it might be nice to officially- but if you’re worried about the- the commute for me, since you’re pretty far from the 118, I- I thought about that, and it’s not like I don’t do that a few times a week now anyway. I think it’s worth it.”

Tommy just looks at Buck with a small, patient, excited smile. “What are you asking me, Evan?” Tommy looks like he already knows, but he won’t do the work for Buck. He’s gonna make him ask.

“Right, uh, I guess I didn’t… W-what would you say- um, I mean, would you want to- can I- because obviously it would be me who would- fuck, sorry, let me just…”

This isn’t even The Big Question and Buck can’t get it out. There’s too much going on in his head, too much backstory and too many possible arguments against it that he’s trying to head off because he wants this so badly.

“Do I make you nervous or is it this place?” Tommy laughs. It’s not a mean laugh, he’s not laughing at Buck. He seems charmed by the spluttering. Adorable. “I haven’t seen you like this in months. It’s okay, baby. Ask me.”

Buck takes a breath. “Let me start over-“

“Evan.”

The music is back in Tommy’s voice. The way he says Buck’s given name makes it sound like a term of endearment; how he holds out the final syllable and doesn’t let it go until he has to. Most people go down on that last N sound, like a frown. Tommy goes up, like it makes him smile just to have the sounds in his mouth.

He’s looking at Buck like Buck is something worth looking at. He’s holding Buck’s hand like Buck is something worth holding onto. And he’s smiling at Buck like Buck is something that brings him joy.

It makes Buck smile in return. It gives him confidence. Tommy makes him nervous, but he also settles all the noise that buzzes around in Buck’s head. He helps Buck see the clear path forward, just by being there. Just by being steady.

“Tommy,” Buck starts. He squeezes Tommy’s hand in his, on top of the table for everyone to see. “Do you want to move in together?”

“Of course I do, sweetheart.” Tommy smiles so wide his eyes crinkle and, god, those eye crinkles are just barely below his cleft on the list of things Buck loves about Tommy’s face.

“Yeah?” Buck is beaming.

“Honestly, you beat me to the punch. I was gonna ask you to move in over dessert,” Tommy says. He squeezes Buck’s hand. “I love you. I’ve never been happier than I am when I’m with you. Of course I want to live with you.”

Tommy was going to ask Buck to move in. Tommy wants Buck to live with him. Tommy wants Buck. Tommy wants to keep him.

Buck is standing up and bumping the table before he realizes what he’s doing. Their wine spills, the last of their pizza falls from its elevated rack onto the table next to them, and Buck couldn’t care less about any of it. He’s kissing Tommy right there, both hands on Tommy’s handsome face, in the same restaurant where he pretended they weren’t on a date, at the same table where he said some of the most embarrassing things he’s ever said, and he’s never in his life been more thrilled to return to a place he made a fool of himself in.

“People are looking at us, Evan,” Tommy says, pulling back as far as Buck will let him.

“I don’t care. I love you.” Buck kisses him again.

But he’s still a person with a sense of decency, so once the rush of Tommy wants me Tommy loves me Tommy wants to keep me close wears off, Buck pulls back from Tommy’s mouth and apologizes to the table next to them—the unintended casualties of their toppled dinner. Still worth it.

They clean up as much of the mess as they can. Neither of them stop smiling.

A piece of tiramisu comes to their table not long after, with the word Congratulations! and a picture of two rings drawn on the plate in chocolate sauce.

“Oh,” Tommy says. “They must have thought we got engaged.”

“Yeah,” Buck laughs. “I guess most people would only have that kind of reaction to something that big.”

“Then they don’t know you very well,” Tommy smiles.

You do, though, Buck thinks. You know me better than I know myself. You saw me for who I am—not who I thought I was—and you brought that to the surface so gently, so easily. You let me finally get to know myself. After searching so hard and so desperately by myself all these years, all you had to do was kiss me, and I knew myself. I’ve never looked in the mirror and truly seen myself there, but now I do. Because of you.

Filled to the brim with love and joy and excitement for the next chapter of his life, Buck smiles back.

“Well,” he says, gesturing at the tiramisu. “Mistaken free dessert?”

And Tommy, in his patented cool, confident way, says, “Premature free dessert,” and takes a bite.

Six months later, when Tommy asks if he wants to go to Miceli’s, Buck pretends not to know what Tommy is going to ask him. He just smiles and says yes.

{now on ao3}

#me? infodumping random facts that I find interesting through buck and making you read about my interests?#it’s more likely than you’d think!#I’m so fucking excited for this season I can’t put it into words #i love them i love them i love them #bucktommy #911 abc #season 8 speculation #911 season 8 spec #mine

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